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young blood thinks there’s tomorrow
The world changed so fast, each year seeming to come and go with the seasons.
Robert felt the ache of age gripping his bones nowadays in his every waking moment, a reminder of how long he had lived and what he’d survived. Joseph was so young and optimistic, believing he had defeated all the evil in the world in a way that only a young fool could.
“Relax old man!” He had said months after his funeral, clapping his hand on Robert’s shoulder and giving a squeeze. “We can finally breathe!”
He remembered a different man thinking the same many years ago.
I miss your touch on nights when I’m hollow
He hadn’t been whole since 1889. Speedwagon hadn’t seen Jonathan’s face in decades, but those
bright blue eyes, so full of hope and wonder that stripped him to the soul, haunted his dreams. He woke up with dried tears on his cheeks as a phantom hand stroking his cheek faded to cold air.
I know you crossed a bridge that I can’t follow
He had made a promise to protect Erina and their son, and he had done that faithfully for many years. Even as his hair turned grey and Erina passed, he found that death evaded. Robert E. O. Speedwagon was a big name now and he had set up a foundation that would care for the Joestars, but he still found himself waking up to echoes.
Since the love that you left is all that I get
I want you to know
The love between two men was still taboo, but it was considered disgusting in their time. It was never spoken of, but that couldn’t change those cursed with such affliction. Robert was a red blooded londoner that could grapple with anyone, but looking at Jonathan made him weak. He knew he was doomed from the moment he first met him and was spared. He knew he was giving something coveted up by leaving his home to follow Jojo and stay by his side, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He felt something indescribable around the young man and damn the world if it called him monstrous.
If I can’t be close to you
He woke from nightmares and reflexively patted the bed next to him, a bed that had been empty for nearly sixty years. He still expected to feel his warm body, to have a strong hand rest on his and wind their fingers together.
I’ll settle for the ghost of you
Robert let himself crumble on those early mornings, curled in his sheets as tears pricked his eyes and his throat felt tight. He let himself be angry, screaming to an empty house about how unfair it all was. He would never let Joseph or even Jonathan see him live this, sobbing like a child after a dead man. A man that had married and moved on while an old man couldn’t let go.
If you can’t be next to me, then your memory is ecstasy
No partner could make him feel the way Jonathan had, so he gave up on trying. Instead he closed his eyes and remembered those nights long ago when Jonathan belonged only to him.
He always looked so beautiful in the flickering candlelight, sculpted and gorgeous, flushed under Robert’s gaze. He was always so shy, hiding his face when Robert would stare.
The way he would blush, ask for things so politely even when his voice cracked and breath hitched. Those nights he treasured, both for the intensity and for the tender aftercare where they would hold each other in their own world.
I miss you more than life
And he did. He didn’t know a human could feel this much loss. There was a hole in his soul that was growing by the day, consuming him. Missing Jonathan had been easier as a young man, back when he still had so much to achieve. In his old age he had no such barriers to break and his mind could truly grapple with the loneliness that followed him. He had given up on the idea before his lover had passed, but the soul crushing reality that he was gone forever was so much more raw.
I need more time but time can't be borrowed
He would give everything for one more minute. He’d give everything he had gained just to have reached the docks earlier and gotten to hug him, feel him alive and breathing, one last time. It wasn’t supposed to be the end, that goodbye! He was supposed to see them again in America one day, once he had gotten his head on straight and stopped pining. For all the world gave him in Jonathan’s passing, it had taken away the only thing that mattered in order to do that.
I’d leave it all behind if I could follow
Robert was so tired.
He had visited Ogre Street a few months before, leaning on his cane as he wandered a once familiar road. It was still seedy, but so very different from his youth. He wondered if anyone alive remembered the cocky young Speedwagon and his gang, if they ever thought of him? To find his fortune and follow his dreams was never a possibility for a street rat, but because of one extraordinary young man, he had surpassed what was possible. JoJo gave him everything, and he was eternally grateful.
Standing in that alleyway, he could almost see the recollection of that well dressed young man standing in the snow. The determination in his eyes, the lack of fear that had sent excitement shooting down his spine. Robert loved a challenge, but he had no idea then that JoJo was much more than that.
He slowly walked the stones he had once sprinted, remembering the comrades he had run with. He wondered where they were now, Tattoo and Kempo. Knowing the state of their lives, he doubted they were still around. He had once known every name in ogre street, had been known by every man as the top dog, but now he slipped through as a stranger.
“I won’t let a single one of ya lay a finger on that man.” He whispered, kneeling to press his fingers to the snowy stone where Jonathan’s blood had been shed by his own hand.
“What was that sir?” He startled, looking up at a young boy as grimy faced as he used to be. Not quite a street rat, but he had the spark.
“Nothin, kid. Just an old man stuck in the past.” He sighed, using his cane to get to his feet. He had wanted to be here for just a moment, to say goodbye to the beginning and relive the moment his life had truly started. Almost ninety, he stood in the visage of a man seventy years younger. His hands shook, eyes glassy as he turned to leave. He hoped to visit the remains of the Joestar estate before he departed London.
He knew he didn’t have much time left in him, but it was enough to feel exhausting. He didn’t fear death like he once did, he had done enough in his life. Death meant seeing Jonathan and Erina again, and he couldn’t wait.
-
Robert E.O Speedwagon would pass in a hospital with Joseph holding his hand, and he would die with a smile of pure joy on his face.