Archive of Our Own ^beta

"Platypuses are weird, they literally lay eggs as mammals—”

“They also have feelings—”

“Yea, as well as poison! What kind of animal lays eggs in the wrong kingdom and has poison?”

“How did we get from the configuration of palladium to platypuses again?” Tommy watched as Ranboo slowly laid back in defeat, his face sheltered with their hands.

“Come on, Boo, you can’t tell me you they aren’t weird.” Tubbo got on his knees, crawling over. “They also swim with their eyes closed! Blind swimmers, that’s fucking unnatural!”

“It’s called raw talent!” Tommy turned his head away, smirking as he muttered, “something you are obviously lacking in.” When Tommy turned back, Tubbo was staring at him with squinted eyes. They just sat in silence, staring at each other. Ranboo uncovered his face, glancing between the two.

“You know, platypuses also have really good hearing so they would be able to hear your annoying mouth bett—”

“Oh my Prime, Toby—”

Tommy was cut off by his phone going off. He glared at Tubbo, who smiled innocently, before digging through their papers to uncover his phone. Sheets of chemistry work went flying, some unintentionally—okay, some of them might have been intentional —hitting Ranboo in the face. As the last ring went off, Tommy finally found his phone. Wilbur’s face stared at him as he picked up. “You have reached the best brother ever, how may he assist you?”

“Oh, shit, I didn’t know I called Techno—”

“Bitch, you’re lucky I took time out of my important day to even pick up my phone!” Tommy got to his feet, heading out of Tubbo’s room and into his hallway. He rolled his eyes as Wilbur’s snickering continued. “What do you need?”

“Hello to you as well. Dad was wondering if you were heading home soon, it’s family night.” Tommy made a face. He was sure that it wasn’t that late yet, they hadn’t even gotten through much of their chemistry homework.

“What time is it?”

“Well, if you check that handy dandy cellphone you have, you’d see it’s almost eight.”

Well, shit. That’s quite a bit later than Tommy had thought. “Oh, I can leave now. I want to make sure Techno doesn’t get to pick our movie.”

“Oh, heavens no, he’ll pick an action movie then proceed to point out every flaw ever.”

“Right down to the stance of the protagonist.”

“With the amount of complaining he does, you’d think he would choose a different movie.”

“Wilbur, that sounds far too logical.”

Wilbur laughed, the sound coming choppy through the phone, but Tommy smiled nonetheless. At least he was alone in the hallway, he didn’t want Tubbo or Ranboo to see him being nice to his brother.

“You’re such a smartass.”

“My ass is pretty smart lookin’, innit?”

“Shut the fuck up child. You’ll be heading home soon?”

“Yea, give me like a couple minutes to pack my shit up, then I’ll head out.” Tommy started edging towards Tubbo’s door, leaning against the wall.

“Sounds good. See you in about twenty minutes then.”

“See you, Wil.”

As Tommy took his phone away from his ear, reaching for the red button, he could faintly hear Wilbur saying, “Drive safe!” but it was cut out before he could finish. Tommy shrugged, pocketing the phone. If Wil got pissed over being cut off, they could settle it over whatever board game they played later.

Tommy went back into Tubbo’s room, choosing to ignore that Tubbo was obviously just cheating off of Ranboo’s work. “Sorry, guys, it’s a lot later than I thought.”

Tubbo glanced up, not even hiding his antics. “I’m not giving you answers if you don’t admit platypuses are weird.”

“Those are Ranboo’s answers anyways, I’ll just ask them later.” Ranboo looked at Tommy confusedly. Tommy gestured at Tubbo. As Ranboo turned around, his eyes widened suddenly.

“Bo, you can’t just do that!”

“It’s not cheating if we don’t get caught!”

Tommy rolled his eyes, tuning out the rest of their bickering. He carelessly threw his work into his bag, tossing it over his shoulder. He headed towards the door, casting a glance back at his friends. They were still yelling at each other.

“See you two idiots tomorrow.” Tubbo showed no signs of hearing Tommy, but Ranboo at least waved in his direction. Tommy snorted, closing the door as he went out into the hallway again.

He snuck down the stairs, trying not to make too much noise. He headed for the front door, opening and closing it as silently as possible. Only when he got further from the door did he let himself breathe, reaching into his pockets for his keys.

His small, red sedan sat on the side of the road. She wasn’t the fanciest thing, but she had been Wilbur’s first car. When Tommy had first gotten his license, he was ecstatic he got to drive her. She was rough around the edges, but exactly what Tommy had ever wanted.

He threw his bag into the backseat, settling into the front seat. It took a couple seconds for the car to start, but she sparked to life, just like she always did.

“Always my trusty car, aren’t ya, Clementine?” He smiled as he fastened his seat belt. When he learned that Wilbur had never given the car a name, he had been heartbroken for her. Such a beauty, worked oh-so-hard without a name? Absolute abuse if Tommy had ever seen it.

Tommy shifted the car into drive, checking his blind spots before turning out to the road. He hummed into the silence, bouncing his hands against the steering wheel. It was a decent drive from Tubbo’s to his house.

The sun had long set, the night just beginning to reveal some of its stars. Thursday nights were always odd to Tommy; they were the ending to the third worst day of the week, beat by Monday and Tuesday, respectably, but the start of the best day of the week. Maybe Tommy was just pickin’ up that overthinking habit from Wilbur.

Tommy pulled up to a red light, stopping behind the line. He glanced around, noting the lack of cars. The town he lived was never really busy. His father had moved them when Tommy wasn’t with the family yet; Phil claimed the town Wilbur and Techno grew up in was busy and loud, and that they needed that quaint life.

Tommy never complained, them moving here is why he was adopted by Phil. Works out for him.

The light changed to green. Tommy glanced from side to side, making sure no cars were coming, before crossing the intersection. He cruised at an easy 40 miles per hour, one hand on the wheel. He was only about ten minutes from his house now, a couple lights and stop signs from kicking Techno’s ass in monopoly.

Tommy passed through a couple more lights, all green as no one else was around. He glanced up towards the sky, noting some clouds blocking the stars. Another benefit of living in a basically desolate town; little light pollution equals more stars.

Wilbur had been hellbent on teaching Tommy constellations, and while Tommy had listened (read: did not even hear a single word), he didn’t really care for all of that. Techno’s mythology obsession had been more interesting, and that was saying something.

Tommy yawned as he pulled up to the second to last stop sign. He loved family night, but he was honestly pretty tired as well. He hoped that they would make it a shorter one, he still had homework to complete.

Tommy pressed down the gas, cruising into the intersection. It was a four way stop. Tommy knew it was a four way stop.

Which is why the headlights coming from his right was alarming. He turned his head, eyes widening.

It was a four way stop, yet not a single word could leave Tommy’s mouth before the headlights hit his side of the car.

Tommy gasped for air, sitting up straight. He grabbed his chest, holding onto his shirt. His breaths were coming out raspy, his throat not being able to fully take in air. His hands grabbed at his throat. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to force air into his lungs. The pain only increased on his chest, and Tommy knew if he could give up enough air to scream, he would.

It seemed like hours; hours worth of excruciating pain, something Tommy had never truly experienced. He wanted to pull his hair out, pinch himself, anything to stop the pain.

Then suddenly, the pain subsided. It was so random that Tommy nearly fell back, only catching himself on his elbows. He gulped in air, holding onto it like a thread.

He tried to slow his breathing, trying to adjust to being able to breathe again. As his heartbeat seemed to slow down, he could feel his body feeling like it a bag of bricks. Everything burned and ached, like someone had just taken a sledgehammer to him.

Tommy groaned, sitting back up again. He peeled open his eyes, wanting to go and complain about that awful moment to his brothers.

But he was met with darkness.

It was black all around him. An abyss, nothing but black. He couldn’t even see if the walls were just black, or if the lights were off; it just looked like nothing existed.

Tommy was on his feet, ignoring the screaming in his body, within a second. He glanced down, noting that he could see himself. His tan trousers and red hoodie were still there, just like they had been at Tubbo’s house. He could see himself, but everything else was black.

“Tubbo? Ranboo?” He called into the nothingness. There was no echo, no sound that bounced back to meet him.

“There goes that hope of walls.” Tommy grumbled. He spun around a bit, but he was met with the same picture, or lack thereof.

“I’m missing something. Is this a prank? If it is, you guys aren’t funny!” No response.

“Ha ha, you guys scared me! You win!” Nothing.

“It’s not funny anymore.” Silent.

“Tubs? Ran?” Not a word.

“Wil? Tech?” Tommy tried to ignore how his voice became quieter and quieter. How the tremble became more obvious with every word.

“Phil?” He ignored the feeling of needing to cry.

“Dad?” But he couldn’t ignore how it felt like he couldn’t cry.

The silence was unbearable. Now Tommy understood what Wilbur meant about how annoying certain things were. Tommy doesn’t think he could comprehend it until now. It felt like days had passed. He knew it was probably only a couple hours, if that. Not that he could keep track, there was nothing to write on. He just wandered through the darkness, hoping for any sign of… well, anything.

As he walked, eyes unfocused, he blinked a couple times. He stopped abruptly, glancing around. There was a sound.

Or he was going crazy.

Or there was a voice.

Or he went insane, earlier than he originally predicted.

“He’s stable, it was hard to stabilize him.”

No, no, Tommy wasn’t crazy, that was a voice.

Tommy spun around, looking for the source of the voice. Nothing still, nothing except a voice that taunted him.

“We do not know the details, we didn’t ask. Kind of just rushed him in here.”

Voices, distant voices.

“Well, he’s currently in a coma. The paramedics said he was unconscious when they pulled him from the vehicle.”

Coma? Unconscious? Pulling him from a vehicle? Tommy stopped spinning around, staring at nothing as he tried to put the pieces together.

“One visitor at a time for now. We need to keep it minimal; he is still freshly stabilized.”

Tommy kept listening, but the voices were quiet. He kept standing, looking down at his shoes so he had something to focus on. He was about to keep walking, anything to distract himself, when he heard a very familiar voice.

“Toms, oh my Prime, Toms.”

Wilbur.

“I… fucking damnit Tommy, really did total yourself, didn’t you?”

Wilbur’s voice sounded scratchy, like he had been screaming or crying. Maybe a mixture of both. Tommy closed his eyes, trying to imagine Wilbur’s face.

He tried to stay calm when nothing appeared.

“I… I don’t know what to say. This is the shit you see in movies, where the two lovers fuckin’ argue and one goes to take a drive and then… but why my little brother? Why you? Why my s-sunshine?”

Tommy frowned as Wilbur’s voice cracked at the end. He opened his eyes, looking up at the nothing.

“We need to keep visits quick. Another minute, then your brother and father get a turn.”

Another voice.

“O-okay. Shit, Toms… I didn’t believe it. We were waiting at home, Techno was gettin’ all grumpy about not being able to choose the movie, and it started getting late. Late for you even. Then Phil’s phone rang and I… bloody hell, Tommy, I…”

Wilbur didn’t say anything else. Tommy grasped onto every word, replaying it in his head. He tried to search for memories, of anything that had happened, but nothing popped up. He just had the little information Wilbur was giving him.

“Time’s up.”

What?

“I… Prime, I love you Tommy. Please, Tommy. Please.”

Tommy didn’t know what Wilbur was begging him for. He couldn’t do anything inside the abyss, he couldn’t respond to him.

The silence surrounded him again. Tommy closed his eyes, taking a breath. This had to just be some silly nightmare. He’d wake up any second now. Maybe he could convince Wil to let him sleep in his room tonig—

“Theseus…”

Techno. Tommy’s eyes snapped open, looking around again. Still, there was not a single sign of Techno’s pink hair or his amber eyes.

“Hey, kid. Pretty… pretty nasty crash, huh? That car… what did you call it, Clementine? Something stupid like that. She’s totaled, Phil hasn’t even decided what he’s going to do with it.”

Clementine was destroyed? Tommy frowned, cocking his head to the side. She had been fine when Tommy last drove her. He was the only one who drove her, how could she have been totaled?

“Officers have no clue whose fault it was. No witnesses, apparently. The other guy is…”

Silence.

“I think it was his fault anyways. You’re the safest driver I’ve ever seen. No way you would blow through a stop sign, not one you knew existed.”

Tommy took a breath. The way Techno was saying everything… it just sounded like something happened. To him, specifically. Maybe it was something that would explain why he was trapped in this hell hole.

It sounded like Clementine being destroyed was because of him. Or, someone else had destroyed her, and Tommy had been caught in the crossfire. Something with a stop sign?

Thoughts rushed through his head, and he could feel his heartbeat starting to increase minutely.

“Woah, come on, Tommy, no need to get all shaky on me.”

Tommy closed his eyes, clenching and unclenching his fists. His heartbeat didn’t slow, but it stabilized at the rapid pace. Guess he would have to settle for that.

“You know, I heard that people in comas can hear things from… the outside world, I guess. Maybe you’re in there, listening to me ramble like a fool. Or maybe I’m simply a fool, talking to a room with no one listening.”

How desperately did Tommy want to scream. He wanted to pound on the nonexistent walls, yelling for Techno, for Wilbur, for Phil. He wanted to grab onto them and never let go.

“Time’s up, your father needs a chance.”

But life wasn’t fair, life wasn’t willing to grant him that request.

“Just… stay strong, Theseus. I… I love you.”

And Techno was gone, replaced by another awful silence. The feeling of crying burned in the back of his eyes again, taunting him. No tears came out, but the feeling drove him crazy.

He just wanted to cry.

No, he didn’t want to cry. He wanted to get out of here, he wanted to see his family, his friends, anyone. Even if it had to be a stupid fucking platypus, he would gladly take it.

“Tommy, oh gods.”

Phil. Tommy ignored the pressure behind his eyes, willing himself to listen to every word Phil said.

Phil was silent for a while, though Tommy could feel a pressure around him. He could feel Phil’s presence, and he basked in it.

“I don’t know what to say. My gods, you look like you were hit by a bus.”

Tommy grimaced. No need to compliment his devilishly good looks, Phil, wasn’t like he needed an ego boost anyways.

“I guess that’s a bad comparison. Yea, a pretty shit one. What did you always say? Humor is the best defense to tragedy? Something philosophical like that.”

That did sound like something he would say. He was a wise one, that’s for sure.

“I don’t… I don’t know what to do. Wilbur is a mess, came out of here having a panic attack, Techno seems to be pushing it down, and I’m… I have to be strong. Not for myself, but for you and the boys.”

Tommy’s heart ached in his chest. He grabbed for his shirt, letting his breaths increase. He tried to ignore it, grasping onto Phil’s words.

“What am I supposed to tell Tubbo and Ranboo? They don’t even know yet. Prime, how do I tell your best friends you s-should be dead?”

Tommy’s eyes widened. Dead? No, no, Tommy wasn’t dead. Was he? No, Tommy was just driving his car home, he was going home for family night, he was going to pick the movie. Wilbur said it himself, he told him that. He just made it through the inters—

The headlights sped towards him. Tommy’s foot reached for the brake, just beginning to push down on it. It was too late. Tommy heard the metal crash into each other, the screeching as eight tires spun, four from each car. Tommy’s head whipped around, something thudding into it.

The silence that came after the thud was more painful than the noise.

Tommy didn’t notice when his breathing became painful again. It felt like it did hours—hours? Weeks? Days? —ago. He clawed at his throat, praying for that release that he got earlier.

“Tommy? Tommy!”

Tommy shook his head, falling to his knees. He kept ahold of his neck, not knowing what else to do with his hands.

“Sir, you need to leave.”

“I can’t! That’s my son!”

Tommy could hear the voices fading. He wanted to grab onto them, he wanted to keep them close, but the pain on his chest was overwhelming. He could feel his body getting weaker and weaker.

A ringing filled the void now. Tommy lowered his head to the floor (was it the floor?) and placed his head between his knees. The pain seared within him. It burned, burned, burned, and never stopped.

Until it did.

The pain stopped.

And Tommy collapsed fully, letting the abyss swallow him whole.

Tommy doesn’t know if he could call it waking up. But he was certainly present in the abyss again.

Waking wasn’t as painful as he had imagined. Instead of the events that led him to being unconscious, the conscious parts were pleasant. Well, as pleasant as being surrounded by a void was.

The silence was his company now. He didn’t enjoy it, no, he wouldn’t lie too himself, but it was better than that ringing he heard before. He would take nothing over that.

Time moved slowly. With no light, no tracker, with ultimately nothing, he didn’t know how time functioned. He either spent it wandering, wishing for an end, or sitting on the floor. It was mundane and bland, but it’s not like he could just leave and return to normal life.

He heard voices occasionally. None that he recognized, just a couple people humming or mumbling under their breath. Beeping of machinery accompanied the voices sometimes, but usually all he could make out was voices.

From the time he had by himself, he had tried to connect the dots. He had been in an accident. Clementine was totaled. He was in a coma. The coma apparently threw him into the abyss, where he could hear people, but have no way of contacting them.

He could also speak, but the lack of echo made Tommy silent. He didn’t like to be reminded more than he already was.

“Are you sure? It’s only been a couple days.”

“He’s been stable since that incident the first night, I’m sure letting two teenagers in isn’t going to set him off. We can have someone near the door in case his vitals spike again.”

Tommy flinched. The voices never warned him before they spoke, just kind of appearing whenever they pleased. But Tommy was more intrigued in what they had to say. Just a couple of days? Visitors?

“Fine, I’ll go get them.”

Tommy sat on the floor, wanting to be able to focus on whoever was coming to see him. He hummed quietly, messing with the hem of his shirt as the void was silent again.

“Be quiet B—”

“TOMMY!”

“That was literally the exact opposite of what I said.”

Tommy’s eyes widened as the different voices danced in the void. Tubbo and Ranboo, they were here.

Phil must’ve found out how to tell them.

“You fucking idiot, I can’t believe you, how dare you just…”

Tommy closed his eyes, trying to ignore the way Tubbo’s voice trembled and trailed off. Tubbo had never been one for super sappy emotions, usually his deeper emotions being shown in anger.

Ranboo, on the other hand, wore his heart on his sleeve.

“Ignore him, Tom, he’s been tearing apart the secretary for the past ten hours.”

“That is not true—”

“It is, Bo, you know it is.”

The silence made Tommy laugh quietly. It was a rough laugh, but it was the first time he had laughed.

Too bad neither Tubbo nor Ranboo would be able to hear it.

“We… when Phil called us, we couldn’t believe it. Honestly, Tommy, I didn’t think they had the right guy. You, out of all of us, are so… I don’t know, careful? You’ve always were overly… dang it, I d-don’t know how to say it.”

The laughter died in Tommy’s throat. He hugged his knees to his chest, blinking slowly as he waited for Ranboo to continue.

“You don’t deserve this, I think that’s all that needs to be said.”

“Yea, that’s a good way to put it.”

Tommy closed his eyes. He can’t remember if he had checked both ways before pulling into the intersection. He was certain he didn’t, which would make it partially his fault. He knew better.

“I bet your self-deprecating ass would be doubting that right now, if you could hear us.”

A surprised laugh came out of Tommy’s mouth, hand slapping over his mouth. He knew his friends knew him well, but they always seemed to know exactly what he was thinking.

“We got the next couple of days off of school. I think… I don’t think I’m going to be able to return to normal, not while you’re still here.”

“I swear, if Mr. Sam makes us take that chemistry test as soon as we get back, I’m unleashing those nukes early.”

“N-nukes? You have nukes? Early?!”

“Shh, Boo, the cameras might hear you.”

Tommy felt himself smiling as he listened to their banter. It was comforting, a sense of normalcy washing over him. It almost felt like he was sitting next to the pair, laughing with them.

The banter continued for a while, lapses of silence falling over the pair. Tommy just sat and listened, closing his eyes as he struggled to picture his best friends in his mind. It wasn’t like he didn’t remember what they looked like—Ranboo’s fluffy, hazel hair and Tubbo’s grey eyes were a distinct memory —but he couldn’t paint a picture of them. He found he couldn’t imagine things, physical things, at all.

Probably because he was literally trapped inside of his mind. Inside of his body, locked into his body.

Tommy’s thoughts stopped as he realized that one of the silences had been a little long. He opened his eyes, glancing upwards. He wondered if they had said goodbye or were forced to leave, and he had missed it. His heart sunk a little at the thought.

“We miss you, Tommy.”

“I wish… I wish he could give us a sign. Anything, to know he is in there.”

Tommy smiled sadly. They couldn’t begin to understand how he wished the same and more.

Time was nonexistent, though Tommy supposed he thought about that a lot. It was one of the major things he could think about without his breathing going all crazy, so it was something he dwelled on.

It had been an undetermined, but long, time since Tubbo and Ranboo had left. Other voices were heard distantly, the machines making beeping noises, but Tommy was usually left to his own devices.

Walking got boring. Sitting got boring. It was simply getting boring. It felt like he just stared at nothing, zoning out. But every time he returned, he couldn’t tell how much time had passed. So, he zoned out again.

He didn’t feel hunger or anything. He didn’t feel exhaustion. The only pain he felt was when he thought about his… situation too much. Or, occasionally, he would feel a spark of pain in his head. It never lasted long, and he never really thought about it too much. Just another way to keep track of his time.

Sometimes, the void would flicker. It had only happened a couple times, a brief flash of white, before returning to the dull, dark void. He had pondered the reasoning behind the flutter, but with it was futile. He couldn’t understand the void, much less put an explanation on its actions.

“Hey, Tommy. Thought I’d stop on by.”

Tommy didn’t flinch this time, simply blinking before his face broke into a small smile. At least someone he knew was here to keep him company.

“Finals are coming up. I think Phil is fighting for us to be excused. Probably for the best, Wil barely leaves his room anymore.”

Tommy didn’t have a response to that. He… he was upset for his brother, wishing he was okay, but the more desperate part of him was glad none of them had moved on.

“It’s… it’s been a week, Tommy. One week, Prime, one week since that… since that fucking phone call. I want to yell at you, not for this happening, but for you to just come back. But that isn’t going to work. Doctors can’t find much brain activity, just the basic life necessary things. Guess that is better than nothing.”

Techno rarely swore. He had always said that if you needed to swear to get your point across, your point wasn’t strong enough.

He obviously decided to make an exception for Tommy.

“I… I believe you can hear us. Doctors probably think I’m insane, but I believe you would be stubborn enough to just hold out enough to hear us. I’m not sure what to say, though, honestly.”

Anything, Tommy thought. Anything to keep me focused for half a second.

“I heard your friends visited. Or, Phil said they forcibly pushed themselves into your room until the nurses finally relented. Sounds more like a Tubbo move, but maybe Ranboo finally grew a spine.”

Unlikely.

“I guess I can talk about how it is out here. Hell, that’s a good way to start. Phil is doing his best. He tries to stay at home and at the hospital as much as possible. I don’t know how he does it. He’s everywhere at once. I don’t think he sleeps. It’s worrying, it’s like watching an old car hold on for dear life.”

“Wilbur can’t bring himself to even eat sometimes. I can’t force feed him, but I wish I could. He just looks worse by the day. I don’t know how to help him. He just closes himself up, refusing to let us even try. I asked if he wanted to see you, ruined that moment with six words. World record, unfortunately.”

Tommy hummed, frowning as he looked up. Guilt hissed at him, taunting him, but he pushed the feelings down. Techno had mentioned everyone but himself. He was always like that, putting everyone else first, not caring how much it hurt himself.

Tommy considered it genetics, as Phil was usually the same way. Only difference was Techno took in a lot more before he cracked.

“Sometimes, I wish I could just… I don’t know, just wake you up. Shake your shoulders, mess with your hair, anything.”

Tommy felt a phantom of a touch on his hair. He knew it wasn’t real, but he preened into it like it was. A little bit of lying to himself wasn’t going to do any harm.

“But that’s not how it works. No, I can’t fix this. I’m just here, sitting on the side of a battle that cannot be fought. I can’t win this fight, no, only you can. And I know your strong enough but…”

The feeling went away. Distantly, Tommy thinks he can a slight tremble in Techno’s voice.

“I don’t think I am. I can’t watch you wither away. That’s what the doctors say. No signs of waking up, no signs besides basic requirements for life, nothing. It’s like you get worse. I need you to get better. Wilbur needs you, Phil needs you, fuck, I need you! Please, Tommy…”

Tommy lowered his head, closing his eyes.

“I need you.”

And as the silence became his home again, Tommy whispered, “I need you too.”

Flashes turned into something more. They stayed longer, they were more persistent. Tommy thought it was a nice change to the dark, something to break up his time even more. Usually, he’d hear a lot more hushed voices, ones he didn’t recognize, from outside, but he didn’t worry about it.

He yearned for the flashes. He yearned for anything but void.

“Hey, kid. It’s been a while.”

That worked too.

“Sorry for not being around much, really don’t know what to say.”

Anything would be nice.

“We… and by we, I mean Wilbur, decided to try to save Clementine. He was pretty adamant about it. The technicians thought he was nuts, but money is money. They say she might never drive again.”

Tommy shrugged. If she became a lawn ornament, that’d be fine. She definitely earned a relaxed life after everything.

“A week and a half. Prime, they say time flies when you’re having fun, but I don’t think any of us could say we are having fun.”

Glancing around at the void, Tommy couldn’t help but agree.

“I’ve been lying to Techno and Wilbur.”

Well, that’s a hard left turn into a new conversation if Tommy has ever heard one.

“I say I’m here with you when I’m not home, and while I wish I was, I’m not. I can’t just tell them that money is getting tight. Wilbur paid for the car at least, but it’s not like I’d ask either of them to pitch in. Hell, they’d work themselves to death.”

And at least that gave Tommy an understanding for what Techno had said the other day. He had barely heard from Phil at all, but if Phil had told them he was here, while lying, then it made sense.

Tommy still winced. His family had never been the wealthiest. Tommy had been in the process of searching for a job, Techno was focusing on university, and Wilbur had opted to take one up to help out. They all knew Phil struggled, but Tommy had never known how bad it was.

It probably hadn’t been that dire of a problem until now.

“It’s… it’s hard. I won’t stop, that’s for damn sure, but it does get hard.”

Phil paused. A long silence in the void.

One burst of light accompanied Tommy while Phil stayed silent.

“I never told you this, and I regret it. Once you wake up, I’ll tell you again, but I might as well now while my mind is stuck on it.”

“When we adopted you, I don’t think I realized the impact you were going to make. I wanted to help you, get you out of a system before it clawed into you, but you helped us more.”

“Wilbur adored you from the first day. Always wanted a little brother, someone he could read to and mess with. You filled that slot so well, I think you were everything and more than what Wilbur imagined.”

“Techno was harder. He always had been, got it from me, I suppose. I think jealous was the right word to describe him. But you were persistent, if not annoying, and eventually he realized you weren’t taking the spotlight… you simply wanted to share.”

“And me. I think you helped heal me. You had your moments, moments where I was sure I was going to slap you silly, but you always knew when to take a step back. You knew when to take it down a notch, when to become the real you. I think that part of you is the most beautiful, but other parts are pretty nice as well.”

Tommy stared at the void, blinking as fast as the light flickered in and out. He tried to comprehend everything Phil had said, but it was a lot. A lot of words that made his chest feel heavy. It wasn’t heavy like how it felt before he couldn’t breathe, heavy with something akin to… happiness?

It was almost funny to how unreal happiness felt now.

“I need the chance to tell you, to look you in the eyes and say that. I should’ve done it before, but I need to do it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get…”

Tommy knew what Phil was implying.

He didn’t know what he’d do either.

Tommy heard a loud crack, the crack echoing in his abyss. The light faded immediately, the void grabbing Tommy again as he waited for an explanation.

“Toms.”

Ah.

Wilbur was always one for grand entrances.

“I-I’m sorry for not coming sooner. I just… fuck, nevermind. I know how much you always me playing for you, so I brought my guitar. Techno said you can hear us, I… yea, you get the point.”

The strumming of a guitar replaced the silence Tommy had grown used to. The key was slightly off, some notes hitting not quite as well, but it was better than anything Tommy had gotten for a long time.

He closed his eyes, taking in every note with a deep breath. He could imagine sitting in his room, late at night, after he had a nightmare.

It had only taken a minute before Tommy’s door creaked. He tore his eyes away from his shaking hands, looking for the intruder.

Wilbur stood in the doorway, his brown curls flattened against his head, his brown eyes looking slightly disoriented. Nonetheless, that was Tommy’s brother.

“Toms? You alright? I thought I heard yellin’.” Wilbur pushed Tommy’s door open, taking a step into his room. Tommy eyed him, trying to size up Wil’s reaction.

If Wil was mad he had been woken up, he didn’t show it. He stared at Tommy with the same concern that he had when Tommy had fallen off his bike. It wasn’t fake then, so Tommy couldn’t see why it would be fake now.

“I… n-nightmare.” Was the only thing Tommy managed to whisper out. His hands hadn’t quieted, shaking on his lap as he hid under his sheets.

Wilbur’s face wilted, and he quickly made his way towards Tommy. “Oh, sunshine, you’re alright. It’s okay, darling, nothing is going to hurt you.”

“T-they tried. I couldn’t s-stop them.” Tommy sputtered out, his hands grabbing his shirt. They threatened to reach for his hair, anything to make his heart slow down, but Wilbur grabbed them before they reached their destinations.

“No, Toms, they aren’t here. You’re with me, you’re safe.” Wilbur stared at him, looking at his face. Tommy stared back, trying to blink away tears that threatened to spill. “I think I have something that’ll make you feel better. Can I pick you up?”

Usually, Tommy didn’t like being coddled. He was eight, old enough to a teenager pretty much, he didn’t like being treated like a baby. But he nodded hesitantly, grabbing onto Wilbur’s shirt tightly.

Wilbur carried him out of his room, across the hallway, and directly into Wil’s room. Tommy was gently set down on Wil’s bed.

“Stay right here, sunshine.”

Tommy watched Wilbur open his closest, tossing some articles of clothing to the side. Tommy glanced down at his hands, watching them shake. He doesn’t know why they did that, or why his whole body felt like it was shaking, but he wanted it to stop. It felt weird.

“,Here,” Tommy’s head whipped up, watching Wilbur walk over with an instrument in hand. “I haven’t played in a while, but I’m gonna give it my best shot.”

“You play… the guitar?” Tommy whispered as he watched Wilbur tune it.

Wilbur snorted, shaking his head lightly. “Learned from someone. It’s been a while, so please keep constructive criticism to a minimum.” 5

And Wilbur played for nearly an hour for Tommy that night. He played until Tommy’s hands stopped shaking, till Tommy’s eyes started closing, and until Tommy finally fell asleep.

Tommy smiled at the memory, bobbing his head with the tune. Wilbur kept playing, random songs and rhythms he made up on the spot. Tommy felt lighter than he had in weeks.

Eventually, the music trailed off. Tommy sighed, content with the music, but also selfish. He wanted more, more music to listen to. Anything to keep him company.

“Phil says we all must come here tomorrow. To see you.”

Wilbur almost sounded… resigned, saying that. Was that a bad thing? Maybe Tommy was interrupting a hot date Wilbur had scheduled.

Yea, no, that wasn’t it.

“Tomorrow is the two-week mark. Two weeks without you. Man, I say that like your d-dead or something. You’re right here, laying next to me. I’m just…”

Wilbur exhaled loudly. Tommy felt the phantom of something heavy on his arm. He glanced at his arm, but nothing was there. The only thing that changed was the light made itself present again.

“I’m a mess, aren’t I? I couldn’t just take Techno’s advice, I just had to look it up. Stupid me, stupid silly me. Just was in a stupid mood, like I always am.”

Tommy frowned, shaking his head. He had zero idea what Wilbur was talking about, but he knew he wasn’t stupid.

“I can’t… welcoming you into my life was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. I never thought there would be a goodbye.”

A goodbye?

Tommy was walking again. He had been since Wilbur stopped speaking, but that had been a while ago now. He was probably long gone, just leaving Tommy to mull over what he had said. Tommy never considered himself an overthinker, that was usually Wil’s job, but now his thoughts wouldn’t stop.

What did the goodbye entail? Wilbur didn’t say goodbye, he just kind of disappeared. Maybe that was it. Maybe he didn’t want to leave his side, he couldn’t spit the word out, so he just left quietly. That was fine with Tommy, not like he could have a say anyways.

The smarter, more rational, part of Tommy knew what Wilbur was saying. But he denied it anyways, pushing it away.

That’s all Tommy did. Walk and think. Think and walk.

“Hey Tommy.”

Tommy stopped walking, watching the void flicker as Techno’s voice surrounded him.

“Been a minute, Toms.”

Tommy smiled now, glancing up as Phil’s voice appeared as well.

“Move over Techno, I want the seat.”

“I literally got in here first.”

“I don’t care, move.”

“Bruhhh…”

Tommy snorted, listening to his brothers argue over a chair of all things. He missed their banter.

He missed the way Wilbur’s eyes would sparkle when he got on Techno nerves. He missed the way Techno would glare at him, but no real malice was behind his eyes. It was all playful bickering, something Tommy had taken for granted.

He wouldn’t anymore.

“Man, Tommy, you should see Clementine. Looks brand new.”

“Except for the fact it doesn’t drive.”

“Okay, that’s looking into the finer details, Techno. Stop ruining my moment.”

Tommy was glad Clementine was saved. He couldn’t imagine her being scrapped for parts or dumped. He really wanted to see her.

“Tubbo stopped by the other day, dropped off some of those discs you like. Says he was planning on giving it to you for your birthday but thought it would be a good welcome back gift.”

“Hopefully he wasn’t looking for a surprise, given you just told the recipient.”

“Like he can hear us.”

Listening to discs would be nice. Tubbo had just gotten his hands on a newer one, Mellohi, and Tommy had been begging Toby to hand it over. He didn’t think he would actually get it.

Tommy just stood in the void—which wasn’t really a void anymore, it was staying light now —listening to everyone talk from outside. It was peaceful in a way, it made Tommy feel like he was sitting at the kitchen table, watching everyone make dinner. He wasn’t allowed to be in the kitchen. Apparently throwing knives wasn’t an acceptable thing to do.

“Boys.”

That was the second time Phil had spoken.

There was a silence that surrounded Tommy now. It felt a little less comforting, somehow more uncomfortable than the silence he had grown used to.

“…You’re going to cut the bullshit, aren’t you, Dad?”

“I know both of you have looked it up. I know both of you know why we came together.”

“Maybe I was just hoping we were having a family reunion.”

Tommy tensed, feeling his heart rate go off again. The void flickered, letting the darkness consume Tommy again, but then the light returned. He grabbed onto his shirt, anything to keep himself present.

“We can wait longer, can’t we? I-It doesn’t say that after a week that they are definitely gone. There is still hope, c’mon, Dad, you know what I’m saying!”

“I’m not a doctor Wil. I’m a father. And while my heart says to wait until he wakes up, the doctor says… the doctor says he won’t. And it’s unfair to both of you, to his friends, and, hell, even to me, to keep him here. It’s just lying to ourselves.”

“Maybe we like lying to ourselves! Maybe I enjoy looking at my baby brother and saying he will wake up! At least then, I’m not just giving up.”

“It’s not giving up, Wilbur!”

“Then what is it, Dad? Mercy? He didn’t get a shot at mercy, that driver has made him suffer!”

“Then let’s end his suffering!”

The room went silent. Tommy could only breathe, listening to his family debate whether to pull the plug or not. He blinked, looking around his void.

Would death be like this? Or would he be able to see something, like a field? Would he be able to see animals he loved, interact with the world, instead of just staring? Maybe that would be better, it would certainly be less boring.

But he wouldn’t have his family. He would go to a different side, his family would stay right here.

There would be no squabbling with Tubbo. He wouldn’t get to argue over stupid things with him, he wouldn’t get to listen to all of his technology rants, and he wouldn’t get to listen to Mellohi with him.

He would never get to build Legos with Ranboo. There would be no more late-night calls, playing Minecraft with them. He would never see the light that filled their eyes when Techno complimented him.

He wouldn’t have anymore hot chocolate nights with Phil. He wouldn’t hear random facts about crows, there would be no green bucket hat to steal, and he wouldn’t have someone he could run to that would protect him no matter what.

He wouldn’t get to see Techno graduate. He would never get another approving nod, would never experience another late night of homework with him, and he wouldn’t get to annoy him with hugs. Though, Tommy can’t be sure it annoyed him; he never pushed Tommy away.

He wouldn’t get to hear Wilbur’s guitar. Wouldn’t see those mocha-colored eyes, wouldn’t get to steal his sweaters, and wouldn’t get another hug from him.
He couldn’t live without his family. He couldn’t die.

He could still hear them fighting, Wilbur’s shouts turning into sobs, Phil’s reasoning falling apart, and Techno’s silence becoming violent, but he tried to tune them out.

The abyss was bright. No flickers of black, no signs of the void, just white. It hurt his eyes at first, but now he was used to it.

As he glanced around the vacant, white land, he squinted as he saw… something in the distance. It almost looked like a door.

But that was impossible, there had never been anything in here. He had to be seeing things, somehow, he was going crazy. Or maybe the side effects of staring at nothing were finally catching up to him.

He felt a pull to the door, so despite denying it’s existence, he moved closer to it. As he walked, the door’s size neither decreased nor increased. It stayed the same, even as Tommy got within a couple feet of it.

He hesitated, just staring at it. If he reached for the door, and his hand went through it, then the disappointment in his chest would kill him before they could. But if he didn’t reach for the door, he would never know why it suddenly appeared.

“I’m not leaving my little brother to die!”

Tommy winced, jerking his hand back. Wilbur wasn’t wrong, he was going to die. He had zero say, zero options, and zero reason to not grab the door in front of him.

Without another second of hesitation, Tommy grabbed the knob.

“You have to be on my side Techno! Come on, he’s going to wake up.” Wilbur grabbed his brother’s arm, forcing him to turn. Techno stared at him, something like defeat present in his eyes.

“Wil, we both looked it up. I know you did. You saw what they said when the patient hits two weeks.”

Wilbur shook his head, dropping Techno’s arm. “You can’t be serious! You can’t just give up! You both are quitting on him!”

“Wilbur—”

“I’m the only one who cares! I’m the only one who has been putting out the effort for him!”

“That’s not fair.” Techno snarled at Wilbur, turning away from Tommy. He dropped Tommy’s hand, folding them against his chest.

“Boys, stop it.”

Wilbur spun to his father. “You don’t get to tell me what to do. You don’t get to do anything to me.” He growled at Phil. Phil blinked and opened his mouth.

“Don’t do th—”

He was abruptly interrupted by a groan in the room. Wilbur didn’t move, eyes widening as he stared at his father. Phil looked away from Wil, looking in that direction.

Wilbur took a breath, holding it as he turned around. He stared at Tommy’s pale face, noting the signs of discomfort on him. The first signs of human life he had seen on him since…

“Holy shit.”

That’s all Phil said before he ran from the room. Wilbur didn’t watch him go. He stared at Tommy, keeping his left hand in his hair. He moved his blond curls around, watching them bounce dully.

“Did he just now decide to make noise?”

Wilbur glanced at Techno, who looked shocked, calm, and happy all at once. The mix was a better site than the anger that had smothered it earlier.

He took a breath quietly. He knew this was the beginning of a long road to recovery for Tommy, but at least they had gotten the chance to start. Some… not so nice things had been said between the conscious family, but they would fix it. They would talk, they would heal, and they’d sure as hell make sure Tommy did as well.

But for now, this is what Wilbur needed and wanted.

Wil smiled. “Yea. Yea, he fuckin’ did.”