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Chapter Text

In Mersault
It was a normal day.. Well as normal as it gets between two high profile prisoners sitting in their respective cells in Mersault. Fyodor Dostoyevsky and Osamu Dazai, doing nothing. Altho it looked like they were doing nothing to the guards, those two were always doing something even if it's not noticeable to anyone else.
"How has your day been, Dazai-kun?"
"Not much diffrent from yours Demon-Fyodor.", plain and simple, clearly indicating he didn't want to talk with the Demon.
Fyodor was sitting there, contemplative, criss-crossed on his bed with his head on the palm of his hand. Dazai was mimicking said position. They were staring at eachother as usual.

"Well then.. <ze 2z !z6 /<vn) !z6d ^zzd 4v//4= 2=/=7/'l= p:pn7! vu 2zvn: (how do you think your poor little detective agency is doing) Osamu-kun?", He was smiling just like the slimy rat bastard he is. Taunting.
"hm.. if everything is as V <pl= ^4pnn=2 then /<=! u<z642 -= ovn= (I have planned then they should be fine) fufu.." Still mimicking eachother.. ya the guards were creeped out but atleast this was tamer than last time. They still shudder when they remember that. Dazai dangled himself over the bed. He was bored.

"wahhhhh.. I'm so bored.. don't you have anything we can do Fedya-kun?", now he was starting to annoy Fyodor by just wailing and flailing his arms. Good that was his plan since if he's bored then he'll atleast make his demon-counterpart suffer too.
sighing, Fyodor started: "Dazai-kun-" Bam. They were gone. No literally- the guards blinked twice and- they were actually gone. Dissapeared. It's impossible, noone could've done that. Now the guards are left flabbergasted and with two empty cells. They were so gonna get fired.



At the Armed Detective Agency's Office
It was a normal day for the detectives. Normal enough atleast, Dazai was still missing and noone had a clue where he was. Not even Ranpo could find out where he was even WITH his ultra-deduction. It was unnerving but oh well, they belived in Dazai and his uncanny way to avoid death at any cost. They were still worried tho, never has Dazai gone missing for more than two days at the most.
But now he has been missing for a week and frankly they missed his annoying behaviour. Kunikida was drowning himself in cases, Ranpo was snacking on candy and chatting with Kyoka, Atsushi was writing a report, Yosano, Kenji and the President were doing field work, and the Tanizaki siblings were just.. being themselves.. at their desk in the corner of the room. A slow day, honestly it was exactly what they needed after such a troublesome week. 

BANG

There was silence in the office after that. Everyone trying to figure out what the hell that noise was- the first thing that broke the silence was an annoying voice they all knew oh too well.
"GAH- Get off of me you rat! Jeez- I thought you'd be lighter than this with your whole sickly look and all."
"Stop being so over-dramatic Dazai-kun. It's not my fault we randomely fell through the floor, and why are we here." He sounded indifferent to whatever was happening.
"Dazai??? Is that you?-" Ranpo was the first to ask the question. The voices came from their interrogation booth and they couldn't exactly see through walls now could they.

"Ehhh- Ranpo?! My.. my.. how did we end up in the office of the ADA?" Ok. That confirmed it was Dazai but the other voice...
"Is that not what I just asked you?" Kunikida was slowly walking towards the booth with Atsushi next to him and the rest behind. 
"Well- oh shut up! You sooooo have something to do with this! I mean who else?? ALSO GET OFF OF ME!!"
Kunikida turned to look inside the booth and what he saw just left him stunned. It was Dazai lying on the sofa with his back to the ceiling and-
"Dostoyevsky?!" On top of Dazai- well he was pretty much sitting on Dazai's back at this point. Everyone was stunned, except the two demons on the sofa who were just glaring at eachother.
"Fufufufu.. won't this be interesting.?"

Chapter Text

Interesting. Ya. That's what you can call whatever this is. The office was dead-quiet. Not even a cricket could be heard- Dazai and Fyodor were sitting `next to eachother´ on the sofa. And that's putting it nicely! Dazai was lying down on the couch with his head on Fyodor's lap, they seemed as calm as ever. As if this was a normal occurance- ya very normal to just fall through the floor and end up in the ADA'S office. Most of the ADA members were sitting opposite of them- Kyoka and Atsushi were in the normal office cleaning up but still listening in. Ranpo was sitting on the sofa opposite of the demons and the siblings were sitting next to him while Kunikida stood stifly at the side.

"So Dazai, mind telling us what this is? Don't try changing the subject. And what are those ugly clothes you guys have on like jeez- even Kunikida can make better outfits!" Ranpo was of course, demanding answers- to where they were and what was with their weird get up.
"Well my dear Ranpo-san you see-..." Dazai started
"We were in Mersault." The second demon answered while he started playing with Dazai's brown hair which was very messy.
"Mersault?- What's that or where is that?" It was Kunikida who asked the question this time and for once in their life the Tanizaki siblings weren't all over eachother! That's a win for everyone there.
"You can't just inter-", once again, Dazai got cut off by Fyodor
"Shush Osamu.. Mersault is in simple words.. a prison." Looking down at Dazai, Fyodor could tell that all that was going on in his mind was every possible way to murder him.

Naomi was the first to react "Dazai-san was in prison?? With you of all people?!"
"And why was he there in the first place?! Dazai-san is a member of the ADA-" The second Tanizaki sibling was cut off before he could continue.
"Why I was there doesn't matter currently- but oh Ranpo-san!! I'm so happy you agree! They certainly do have a terrible taste in fashion- I mean look at this outfit!" Ya. Ok it was totally obvious he was avoiding answering why he was there. But did Ranpo care? Honestly no maybe the rest of the agency did but- he knew why.. kind of and didn't care to inform them.

"See! I knew you'd agree with me Dazai!"
"I don't think the outfits are that bad." Fyodor said, pouting somewhat.
"Your taste in fashion is horrible." The two actual smart people, and actual detectives of the ADA- as Ranpo has dubbed them, said simultaneously.

"Well- how are we even here?", The rat was ignoring the insult to his fashion tastes but for now they'll let it slide.
"Uhhh I thought that was your doing? I mean! I don't know how many ability users you know that can just transport people without being there." Oh. Ok. So Dazai had figured out that Nikolai was involved. Great.
"For once can you trust me? It was not me this time. Shouldn't I be suspecting you? It'd be rather stupid of me to teleport us here of all places, no?" Alright. Maybe Dazai had to admit that did make sense. But still!

"Dostoevsky's reason for not being the one to do this, do make sense.." He smirked at that since for once he was actually telling the truth. "But it also makes no sense if Dazai did this, since why would he teleport himself and Dostoevsky here? There's no logic if either one of you did this so I suspect it was another party, someone else. Whoever it was has teleported you out of Mersault for the time being tho.", the room was dead silent. For Dazai and Fyodor the third party was most likely Nikolai. This just reeks of something that he'd do for fun. To mess with them?

"Well whoever it was we can dwell on later." Kunikida's voice cut through the air, "We have to worry about what to do with them. Dostoevsky a criminal, and so is Dazai apparantly they can't really just stay here can they?" That was true, they were both criminals and if they `broke out of´ Mersault people are most certainly already looking for them.

Ranpo answered Kunikida's question, his emerald gaze never leaving the two ,now wanted, criminals on the sofa. "I'd usually agree with that but from what I've deducted no actual civilians or police, know they are wanted. The government are currently the only people who know they are missing. And that could change but for safety of the Yokohama I think they should stay here for now. Until the president is back and can make the decision of whether they stay here or we turn them in."

"If you say so detective!" Dazai's voice was, as usual, cheery. As if they weren't talking about sending him back to jail.
"Then it is decided. Kunikida you'll wait for the president's return. Naomi, Junichiro you will keep an eye on them, call me if they do anything." Welp, now it was decided atleast. The president would decide what will happen with them next.

Chapter Text

Kyoka and Atsushi ran up to Ranpo literally the moment he stepped foot out of the booth. Kyoka was the first to ask the question
"Where was Dazai-san and how is he here?", it was obvious Atsushi was curious too.
"Why don't you ask Dazai-san or one of the siblings that? I have much more important things to take care of currently!" he said that while rushing to his desk already filled with sweets that were bought earlier from Kunikida.

"Let's go.", before Atsushi could even protest he was already getting dragged to the booth by Kyoka. On the way there they ended up running directly into Kunikida who was standing next to the president. Kunikida looked like his whole ideals just got thrown out of this world, Literally. Dazai was holding his oh-so beloved Ideal book out of the window.
"Ohh Kunikida-kun.. this is my christmas gift to you-wait no the actual gift is me even being here! Ah I can't even imagine how bored and lonely you all were here without me!", Kunikida's oh so ´beloved´ co-worker was so close to dropping the book, it was practically slipping through his fingers..

The president sat down opposite of Fyodor where Ranpo had sat earlier, the Tanizaki siblings had gotten a mission and ran out for it the moment the president arrived. Atsushi and Kyoka could only hear what was happening- their view was blocked my Kunikida.
"Dazai, please give Kunikida his book back and sit down. We have some important matters we need to discuss."

"But presidentttttttttttt..", you could see Kunikida was about to bust a blood vessel at this.
But this time it was fyodor who once again! interrupted Dazai "sit down Osamu. I'm rather tired and I don't want to deal with such needless questions anymore."
"finee!", Dazai was talking like a whiny child who got turned down when asking for a new toy. One could even compare him to Elise when she doesn't want to wear one of those frilly dresses.
"So president, what is it you would like to discuss?" he was walking back to the sofa and once there, threw himself over Fyodor's lap- once again! While throwing Kunikida's ideal book at his face.

Bless the president for keeping his face straight throughout this whole thing, Kunikida on the otherhand looked like he wanted to go against his ideals and murder Dazai then and there.
"I have already decided that you two will be staying here. You'll be staying in Dazai's dorm which is next to Atsushi and Kyoka's who will be supervising you to make sure you don't do anything. They'll visit or call you every 2 hours."

The president nodded towards Kunikida who continued,
"You two will go shopping with Atsushi, Kyoka and me since you can't run around in prison clothes. We'll leave in 3 hours and I expect you to be here, on time."
"Alright Kunikida-kun-" Dazai started,
"Okay, I'll make sure he's here on time.", once again Dazai has been interrupted by his demon counter-part and is now just glaring daggers at him.
"Fedyaaaaaaa.. why.. I'm oh-so heartbroken.. you always inter-", At this point it was just sad how many times he's gotten interrupted.

"Ignore him. Now if you'll excuse me I must continue my schedule. And Dazai you better behave!", with that he bowed to the president and left Atsushi and Kyoka who were still behind him even more confused than before.
"I can see you two have questions, to cut this short Dazai and Dostoevsky were in mersault. Which is a prison," he didn't stop to look at their- well Kyoka could school her expression, Atsushi on the other hand looked mortified.
"you two will check up on them every 2 hours to make sure they do not harm anyone or cause any chaos in Yokohama. If you have any more questions ask them. Is that clear?"

"Yes sir." Atsushi was still in shock so Kyoka answered for them both.
"If that is settled I'll leave them in your care, you will still go on missions but they will accompany you. Good luck I'll be in my office is you need me." With that he stood up and left leaving them there dumbfounded with two demons on the couch- well more like one since Dazai looked like he was asleep.

"Well then, I'll take a nap since from what I've seen and heard about your agency, there's nothing to do. Just wake me up when we have to go.", the only awake demon, but not for long , told them.
"Okay?.." Atsushi's still dumbfounded and Kyoka just looks.. normal. Well now all they can do is wait. 

Chapter Text

Kunikida was about to murder both of them. He didn't care for the reprecussions. He. Was. Fuming. First of all, he thought atleast ONE of the demons was responsible but no turns out not! It has been not 5, not 10 BUT 15 minutes since the appointed time they were supposed to be ready. Arahabaki help Kunikida because he was about to drag them both out by the hair if it's the last thing he does.
"If one of those two bastards don't show up soon!" 

Atsushi who was already nervous because of Dostoevsky being here jumped at Kunikida's enraged yelling but he could understand why he was so mad. They were supposed to leave at 13:00 on the dot but Dazai and Dostoevsky had been in the agency's bathrooms ´Changing´ for atleast 20 minutes and it was 13:15 now. The clothes they got were brought from the bandage wasting machine's apartment since him and Fyodor were around the same height, Fyodor just being a tiny bit taller but it was barely noticable.

"Ah! Hello there Kunikida-kun!! Oh how you must have missed me!~" FINALLY. There he was donning his usual outfit he'd wear at the agency. And Fyodor.. who was wearing a old black turtle neck Dazai owned, white pants and sunglasses on his head. Atsushi was somewhat surprised it looked good on him.

"OH MY DEAR ARAHABAKI! THERE YOU TWO IDIOTS ARE. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE 15 MINUTES AGO."
"And there Kunikida-san goes again with his yelling.." Poor Atsushi with his tiger ability that gives him enhanced hearing.. it really could be a curse especially when Dazai was aggravating Kunikida.
The idealist, who at this point has had to have grown a few grey hairs, finished berating them and told them to get into the car.

"ooo~ Kunikida-kun-"
"No. You're not driving."

Well that was settled then. Kunikida was driving and Kyouka was sitting next to him in the passenger seat while Dazai sat in the middle of Fyodor and Atsushi in the back. The drive to the shopping district would be around 20 minutes and Atsushi already felt awkward with the two demons in the back. Atleast he wasn't inbetween them. It went relatively uneventful except for a fact that Fyodor and Dazai started a staring contest that was judged by Atsushi but once they arrive they both still hadn't blinked. 

"Now that we've arrived-" Kunikida started but of course was interrupted by Dazai rushing past him.. with Fyodor and instantly dissapearing into the crowd.
Kunikida and Atsushi were flabbergasted. Kyouka on the other hand looked like she expected it and just asked
"Should I go after them?" 
"That'd probably be the best idea.. before they, or to be more specific Dostoevsky, kills someone."

It had been 20 minutes. They were still missing and now the trio was panicking since the two ,probably most wanted criminals, were running around in a Yokohama shopping district.
"If the president finds out we lost them I am screwed.. and they threw me off schedule!", As much as Kunikida loves his schedule it's more important to keep track of those two demons than follow the schedule currently.

Chapter Text

With the Demons

"Dazai-kun.. we've already been to 5 diffrent shops, not to mention I'm carrying all your bags. You can carry them yourself, no?" Fyodor was holding all of Dazai's bags, Arahabaki knows with whose money he bought all this stuff. And while contrary to what he says, he does have money.. quite a lot actually. He just doesn't spend it and decides to use one of four people's money: Mori, Chuuya, Kunikida or Fyodor. Atleast Fyodor was sure (hoped) it wasn't his money this time.

They were currently making their way through the crowd. Both somewhat surprised that the agency hadn't found them even tho the demons have spotted them multiple times. Well whatever they were do-
"Ah! I am so sorry kid-",
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A KID YOU-!"
"Oh! Nevermind I'm not sorry anymore.. my my you really haven't grown at all in my time away slug!" Dazai said it in the cheeriest voice ever. Even cheerier than when he was dangling Kunikida's ideal book out of the window.
"YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.. YOU?! Why?! On my goddamn day off I have to run into YOU. Of all people in the whole of Yokohama.. YOU. I thought you may have finally died somewhere in a ditch but NO! You come back from the grave to torture me with your presence on my day off." The hat wearing mafioso was pissed to say the least.

"Oh." Just oh, that's all Fyodor had to say while standing there with all of the bags.
"It's not as if I wanted to see you either Chibi! I was enjoying my day of freedom with Fedya-kun over here when we had to run into you! Gah.. a real tragedy on such a good day!" Chuuya looked so confused (and pissed) at Dazai's statement. Probably confused about who the hell ´Fedya-kun´ is as Fyodor's face was blocked with bags and he wasn't in his usual clothes.

"Let me guess, ´Fedya-kun´ is the poor guy you've got carrying your bags?" The ginger said while accusingly pushing a finger towards Dazai's chest.
"Can't you carry your bags yourself mackerel?", Chuuya was slowly making his way past Dazai to most likely take some of the bags and throw them at Dazai but got stopped by the brunette who jumped infront of him to block the mafioso from moving further.

"Bastard move it."
"There you two are! Kunikida-san is gonna kill us.." Ah. Atsushi and Kyouka had found them. The girl in the kimono was calmly informing Kunikida through her phone that they had found Dazai. Atsushi on the other hand was going to talk to Dazai until he saw the short ginger.

"Chuuya Nakahara?! Port Mafia Executive.. What're you doing with Dazai-san?..", to say Atsushi was shocked would be wrong, he was terrified. From the stories Yosano and Kenji told, he could manipulate gravity.
"Hmm? Oh! Let me guess you're trying to get out of work again shitty Dazai? You never change tsk." At this point the executive had forgotten about the mysterious ´Fedya-kun´ and was now backing away to let Atsushi supervise them. He was now staring at Kyouka.

"Well actually sir-"
"Chuuya's fine."
"Alright.. well Chuuya-san me and Kyouka are actually just supervising those two to make sure they don't do anything." The tiger-wielding ability user was kinda panicking.. I mean who can blame him, he was talking to a Port Mafia Executive! Atleast he wasn't staring at him..
Pointing back at the two escapees with an eyebrow raised Chuuya asked,
"What do you mean by ´they´? I'd understand Dazai but what about this other dude, is he a new member of your agency?", Kyouka was quick to answer this question.

"Dazai-san and Dostoevsky-san are currently wanted criminals by the government. Normal police won't recognize them and we doubt Dazai-san would do anything, Dostoevsky-san on the other hand would probably do something, but we still need to supervise both of them to make sure."
"Hold up.. Ok first of all.. Dostoevsky?! THAT'S WHO ´Fedya-kun´ IS?!", he was whisper-talking since he didn't want any passersby to hear what they were talking about and contact the police or government.

"Yes."
"And Dazai was with him in jail?.."
"Yes."
"And-"

The hat wearer was interrupted by a raging Kunikida.
"DAZAI YOU BANDAGE WASTING MACHINE HOW DARE YOU JUST RUN OFF LIKE THAT DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TROUBLE-"
"Ah! Don't worry Kunikida-kun nothing happened we just shopped a bit! Fedya-kun is carrying all our bags~" Of course, once again uneffected by the situation, Dazai was bragging in a sing-song voice about not needing to carry any of the bags.

"Oi. You're Dazai's partner from the agency right?"
"Yes, who- CHUUYA NAKAHARA FROM THE PORT MAFIA?!" More heart attacks for Kunikida today! Hurray!
"Go screaming it around for the whole of Yokohama to hear."
"My apologies Nakahara sir, it was unexpected of you to be here and not on my schedule-" Kunikida was bowing while speaking and apologizing only to be interrupted by Chuuya not so subtly whispering to Atsushi:

"the fuck is this about a schedule?.. also is he always like.. um.. this." Atsushi with his back still turned answered him.
"Ya.."
"AHEM. As I was saying, Dazai and Dostoevsky we're going back to the agency and Nakahara sir, Is it alright if you keep this on the down-low and don't tell anyone what you heard or witnessed here?"

"Ya ya, whatever I can do that. But.. in compensation for keeping this silent can you give me a heads up to wherever those two go so I can make sure to avoid it?", Chuuya did NOT want to deal with two demons. One Dazai was enough, a second one would probably make him explode.. just like his car.

"Of course, let's go back now. Atsushi and Kyouka make sure those two don't run away- Goodbye Nakahara." Kunikida was done with this whole situation.
"No need to be formal, chuuya is fine and Goodbye, make sure those two stay as far away as possible from me." The group of 5 was starting to walk away from Chuuya.
"Ok.." Kunikida would do his best to make sure those two stay away from the executive either way. For whose good it is, is still not sure.

"Bye bye Chibi!~ I hope you die on your next mission!~" That earned him a slap on the head from Kunikida.
Chuuya was seething.. breathe in.. breathe out. Just like Kouyo-san taught him. Don't commit mass murder.

The group had left the ginger and the mall behind at this point and were now at the car. They sat how they did on the drive there and were now on their way back to the agency.

Chapter Text

"I'M DONE. I'M DONE WITH YOU TWO. YOU'RE GETTING SENT HOME-" Kunikida was screeching like an unholy banshee about a specific pair of demons. In the idealist's own words, ´they were all over eachother just like the Tanizaki-siblings´ and if that isn't enough of a concern then the agency doesn't know what is.

"Aww Kunikida-kun what's wrong? Can I not protect the agency~"
"IF ´PROTECTING THE AGENCY´ MEANS SITTING ON DOSTOEVSKY-SAN'S LAP-"
"Well he stole my chair so it's only fair Kunikida-kun.. after all I need somewhere to sit!"

„Dazai you goddamn waste of bandages- please.. just go home.. Atsushi-kun, Kyouka-kun please make sure they both get home and do NOT bother me with them anymore.“ saying that Kunikida grabbed Dazai and threw him against the wall, much to a certain someone’s dismay.

“R-right let‘s go Dazai san and-„

“Fyodor‘s fine.“

“rightttt okay! Let‘s go..“ poor Atsushi is still traumatized from what he just saw. Picking Dazai back up from the floor the group started making their way to Dazai‘s apartment after saying goodbye to Kunikida. They got a few odd looks from passersby’s but nothing else.

“Uh Dazai-san.. can you open your dorm..?“ Atsushi and Kyoka didn’t own a key for Dazai‘s dorm which is kind of a concern with his constant talk about suicide but in the worst case scenario they can break down the door.

“ofcourse Atsushi-kun!“ pushing the weretiger out of the way the brunette started uh..? Messing with the lock?? He didn‘t pull out a key. He was lock picking the door. His own apartment‘s door. To say Atsushi was confused is an understatement.

“Dazai-san, why are you lock picking your own apartment door?“ Kyoka‘s voice brought Atsushi out of his thoughts.

Instead of Dazai answering (he‘d finally opened the door and they were now inside) it was Fyodor who did.

“He probably destroyed the key and any copies of it, then broke his own door to only make it accessible through lock picking. That way he won‘t have to worry about anyone randomly getting in with a key.“ From the kitchen Dazai could be heard saying ,yep!‘…why did Fyodor know this?? Truly Atsushi was slowly loosing his sanity.

Wait. Dazai‘s in the kitchen. 
The two agency members instantly sprinted into the kitchen to make sure nothing was burning. You can never be too careful after the last incident where Dazai tried to cook.. Fyodor followed them.

„Please! Dazai-san we‘ll help with cooking.. just uh..-„

“Oh don‘t worry it‘ll be fine Atsushi-kun! I‘ve already got a recipe in mind.“ He had a devious smirk on his face.

“As amusing as it would be to watch Dazai cook.. I‘d rather not die of food poisoning today. „

The fact Fyodor agreed with them is.. concerning. But they were correct!

“Ehh! Whatever. Then you‘re cooking!“ saying that a pan came flying in the Russian‘s direction, which he simply dodged. 

Atsushi gulped. Should they let him cook? Probably not. Will they? Ya. Kyoka left a while ago to a job she still had and would be back later.. and while Atsushi can cook the two wanted criminals probably shouldn‘t be left alone together, especially not after the shopping mall incident.

“Can you cook..?“

“Yes, I‘d say I cook quite well actually.“

Well that was reassuring, Atsushi will just have to trust him. And so Atsushi went to grab Dazai who was in the living room while the demon cooked. Luckily the kitchen was visible from the living room where Dazai currently was. 

Said bandaged man was watching some show on the TV, he didn‘t look too interested in it and Atsushi didn‘t want to disturb him so he let him be. Somehow this felt way too domestic for him. A terrorist cooking dinner and a criminal (he still didn‘t know what Dazai did!) watching TV. Truly what has Atsushi‘s life become.

After a while Fyodor came to the living room with four plates. In the time the food was cookng Kyoka had come back from her errand. 

The food looked delicious, it consisted of crab and mashed potatoes. Quite simple but somehow it just looked divine. Maybe it was because Atsushi had barely ate today but it looked good and so, the moment it was infront of him he started eating it. 

It tasted just as good as it looked.

“My, my. I didn‘t know Fyodor-kun could cook!“

“Ofcourse I know how to cook Dazai, unlike you I don‘t live off of canned crab.“

“This tastes very good Fyodor-san!“ Atsushi hadn‘t expected that he could actually cook!

“I agree, it‘s quite delicious.“ Even Kyoka agreed it tasted good.

And so the four finished eating dinner in silence.