Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Do you miss him?”

The question was asked so quietly that Hux wondered if the sound was simply the wind speaking to him, an occurrence he often wondered if it was a sign of him finally losing it.

“Yes, I do.”

He feels no satisfaction seeing Kylo’s face contort into that moody expression he does when he doesn’t like the answer he was given. How things have changed since the fall of the Order.

“More than you missed me?”

Hux found it incredible that despite everything they’ve done, everything they’ve been through to escape and survive off land they had only read about in secret reports that were destroyed after reading, Kylo would still need so much reassurance.

It was even more incredible that Hux still didn’t mind giving it to him.

“That’s different, Kylo. I know you’d come back to me.”

The conversation would be forgotten as they went about their nightly routine but not the guilt that Hux felt as he settled into bed.

He knew Mitaka would have followed him if he had the chance.

“Do you still miss him?”

The question has lost its bite over time. The comfort that comes with domesticity and a loving relationship does that to people.

“Yes. I do.”

But the guilt still burns and Hux can’t figure out how to get rid of it.

He feels it sometimes when they fix their home of the holes that leak rain into their room, flashes of memories of his Lieutenant standing beside him as they try to figure out how to solve yet another issue that would garner the best results.

He feels it when the flowers bloom across the plains, wondering how it was because of Hux that Mitaka never saw his home planet and its natural beauty again.

He wondered why he missed his friend after so many years. Didn’t emotions have an expiration date?

“I miss them too.”

He remembers them just as clearly as he remembers Mitaka. Those men gave Hux just as many headaches as their master did but now the thought of them brings Hux nothing but disbelief and amusement when Kylo begins to tell stories that would have made him lose his mind back then.

Stories of mayhem and failed missions, of Knights trying their hand at picking up men in seedy cantinas.

Hux would have never thought that those men could have been so full of personality. But then again, Kylo refused to believe Mitaka had a witty sense of humor that one time made him choke on his dinner.

“Have you felt them? You know, with the Force?” Hux asked because surely there had to be an advantage for having such special magic as they did.

“I stopped feeling them the moment that ship fell.”

For the first time, missing his friend didn’t feel like a lonely task anymore.

“Do you trust me?”

There was something different about Kylo’s tone and Hux was wary as he slowly turned around to face his lover.

There was a visible tension on his shoulders, the kind that he hasn’t seen in years, and for a split second Hux feels that distinct fear he had felt when fleeing the fall of the Order. It was a terrible feeling that reminded him how compliant his life has become.

“What did you do?”

It was an appropriate question considering Kylo’s penchant for doing things without Hux’s permission. Like the time he purchased tools that he didn’t know how to use to modify droids that had programming too old to fix.

But the tension coming from Kylo didn’t feel like it was bad or indicative of approaching danger. Hux has learned to decipher the way the Force radiates off of him after years of spending time together.

“Just come here. Don’t look at me like that, Hux.”

Hux maintained his glare as he walked towards Kylo, as he allowed the other part of his soul guide him to the front entrance to their home, as he felt Kylo’s warm hand on his lower back to avoid giving him the chance to run away.

The clearing around their home was as beautiful as ever, the wildflowers whose scent permeated their home and their clothes every summer because that was when they went into full bloom.

But Hux didn’t see the flowers. He didn’t see the annoying bugs that buzzed by around the biggest flowers around their home.

He only saw Mitaka and an eager smile that Hux had never seen on his face before because he never had the chance to smile like that on the Finalizer.

Long grass whipped around his ankles and he swore he felt his boot step on something that hissed at him in retaliation but it wasn’t going to stop him from careening towards his only friend that he hasn’t stopped thinking about for years and years.

The hug he was given was full of warmth and platonic longing, and Hux hated knowing this was their first hug despite working together and eating together when no one else trusted them in those final days.

“I’m sorry, Dopheld. I…I’m sorry,” Hux repeated and he couldn’t stop saying it, even as Mitaka began to shush him but still wouldn’t let go.

Tears fell as he held Mitaka’s face in his hands because the prospect of his friend disappearing into the summer air seemed more possible now than whatever reality was happening.

“It was war, Hux. I understand,” Mitaka replied and he was still the same amount of good and understanding as the day it all came crashing down.

Hux always knew he was too kind to be in the First Order.

Now he knew Mitaka was too kind to even forgive him for leaving him behind.

Learning of his escape was shocking, but not as shocking as learning how the Knights had managed to do what Kylo did for him. How they hid and suppressed their Force signature to keep him and Kylo safe, knowing full well their Master would charge out into the galaxy to bring them together again.

How Mitaka had wondered all these years if Hux had made it out as well, and how the first time he saw a child with the same color hair Hux had he finally let himself fall apart before the Knights put him back together.

Hux learned this as they sat down at his kitchen table, an instant reminder of all the times Mitaka shared his time with Hux after those shifts that left them both too exhausted to speak and think.

The voices of the Knights and Kylo were loud and comforting as they laughed outside because they refused to let go from the almost barbaric embraces they couldn’t unwrap themselves from.

Hux has never heard Kylo cackle so loudly, and Mitaka had never seen the Knights talk over each other so animatedly.

“Just like old times, isn’t it?” Mitaka asked as he turned his gaze away from the window beside them, the summer sun doing wonders to his brown eyes and brown hair more than the dead luminescent lighting those star destroyers ever could.

He looked youthful and full of life and Hux knew he would have to personally thank the Knights for that.

“This is better, I assure you.”

And it was.

It finally was.