Chapter Text
It was just another day at the Swan-Jones house (or as Killian likes to call it), which was Killian's new home for the past few months. His wheelchair made it easier for him to move around than in his apartment. Their house was spacious enough to accommodate his every need, and it had plenty of open space and wide doors. All they had to do was install a shower chair and a stair lift.
It wasn't like it happened without his protest. After all, he didn't want to inconvenience her by buying things they didn't need just because he was disabled. Emma, on the other hand, repeatedly assured him that she would do anything for him if it meant he could live comfortably in the house. The statement always makes him smile bitterly. Since the accident almost a year ago, his condition has never been truly comfortable. But he is determined to live a normal life in a wheelchair and will not give up.
However, his existence was not without complications. His constant battle with pressure sores, muscle spasms, and the risk of autonomic dysreflexia is now an almost daily occurrence in his life. Not to mention other embarrassing functions of his body that no longer function as they did prior to the accident.
When he first met Emma Swan, his first thought was that she was way out of his league, that she would never look at him as a capable man. That she would never look him in the eyes with love.
They weren't strangers; Emma and he attended the same high school before he moved back to Europe for university. Killian stayed in his little birth town for a while, aspiring to be a mystery writer. He never had grand plans to change the world; instead, he wanted to follow in his mother's footsteps and do what he loved most: write.
He was doing well; he had completed the first draft of a novel when the accident occurred after only a few months back in the States. The doctors told him he was lucky to be alive, but after learning about his permanent injury, he questioned his good fortune. He was in the hospital for months, followed by rehab and physiotherapy. He had no idea what his physiotherapist was trying to accomplish - it was obvious he would never be able to walk again. He later discovered that these exercises were designed to keep the muscles in his legs from atrophying.
As a result, he stopped writing entirely. He just didn't feel like putting words together when his life was falling apart.
He had to discover for himself what his new condition entailed on a daily basis. He could barely use his arms, due to her injury being high on his spine. The issues with his bodily functions, specifically bladder and bowel management, were his least favorite aspect of his hospital stay. The doctors told him he wouldn't be able to control any of them, and that even emptying his bladder or bowels required outside assistance. Even though the nurses tried to get him on a bowel program schedule, he was constantly fighting incontinence. In the end, he had to wear adult diapers frequently to keep the mess at bay.
Nathan, his nurse, stayed with him after he was released and was on call 24/7 to assist him and make his life easier. His apartment was not exactly wheelchair accessible, and he didn’t have the funds to install a lift.
Then he ran into Emma at the hospital while he was waiting for his doctor's regular check-up.
She was in the waiting room as well, her arm bandaged and bleeding. They recognized each other and began talking as if the previous few years had not occurred and they were back in high school. He discovered she was working as a bail-bonds person, catching bad guys who skip their bail. She was always more of an action kind of lass, always looking for the next adventure. She later decided to drop out of university and start her own PI firm. She returned to Storybrooke and settled in the house she always imagined one day living, near the beach.
They were so engrossed in their conversation that they almost didn't notice the doctors calling their names. Killian felt Emma's gaze on him as he wheeled away, and he felt self-conscious as he entered the doctor's office for his check-up. When he went outside, he discovered Emma had waited for him. That day, she asked him out.
He was shocked and stunned, but he gladly accepted.
They've been together since then.
Killian was wondering how much Emma knew about his condition and what her knowledge entailed by the time they were on their fifth or sixth date. She admitted that she had never met anyone in a wheelchair, but she had looked up information about his condition on the internet. He was embarrassed yet again because he didn't know what Emma had discovered. He tried to explain everything, but didn't want to scare her away with the specifics. On the other hand, he felt she had a right to know everything before embarking on a serious relationship with him.
That was his most humiliating conversation to date. But Emma surprised him yet again; she took it all in stride, and he never saw disgust or revulsion on her face when he told her about what he had to do to manage his bodily functions, specifically his bladder and bowel, and how many medications he now has to take for various issues.
He had an indwelling catheter while in the hospital, and the nurses performed a bowel program on him every other day. It included suppositories, usually, two medium-sized ones to get him going, as well as digital stimulation to ensure his rectum was empty and he didn't have an accident. Of course, it wasn't always so simple. He had UTIs a couple of times as a result of the catheter, and he frequently had accidents no matter how many times the nurses checked his rectum for any residue stool or mucus. But it wasn't just the accidents that bothered him. He was suffering from constipation on several occasions. The suppositories never made him go in times like that, so the nurses had to digitally stimulate his rectum to loosen his anal sphincter and allow the stool to pass. And other times he had diarrhea and messed the bed on a daily basis, also causing rash to form on his asscheeks. He despised all of the procedures, not only because they were embarrassing, but also because they caused him discomfort. Even though he was declared paralyzed from the waist down, that didn't mean he couldn't feel anything down there. He was grade B on the ASIA scale, indicating that his injury was incomplete and that he had sensory function but no motor function below his injury. It was even worse when he developed hemorrhoids as a result of the digital stimulation and impaction.
Even after more than a year, he still wasn't on a good schedule. He always carried adult diapers with him as protection (and a change of clothes, of course). Accidents do happen, and unfortunately, some of them happen in public places, so he must be prepared.
Even their first time together was not without incident. First, he needed some extra medication because his injury sometimes caused him erectile dysfunction, and then as she was moving above him, getting him deeper within her, he felt his stomach gurgle and realized he hadn't had his bowel program that day. A loud fart followed the next thrust, much to his embarrassment, but Emma didn't seem to mind as she smiled at him and asked if it meant he was close. He wasn't sure whether to cry or laugh, but he nodded yes. She fell beside him with a contented sigh not long after they both reached the climax. His happiness was sadly fleeting because he knew he needed to use the restroom as soon as possible. Emma was more than willing to help him, even offering to assist him with the process when she helped him sit on the toilet. He wasn't sure if it was a joke or not, but her face was serious. He was aware that they were not yet there in their relationship (and he wasn’t sure he would ever get there). So he shook his head no, and as soon as she left the bathroom and promised him privacy, he began the long process of his bowel program. Sadly, it took longer than usual, Nathan wasn’t available that day.
After that night, their lovemaking was usually without incident.
However, there were times when things did not go as smoothly.
He awoke with yet another bloating sensation in his stomach. It was the sixth day since his last bowel movement, and he was in discomfort. His bowel programs the previous days were all ineffective, producing only a small amount of mucus once or twice. Constipation was nothing new to him, but it never lasted more than three or four days. He was taking Senekot every day for it, and sometimes Dulcolax but they weren't working.
As he tries to move to his side from his back, which is difficult without his legs moving, a loud fart escapes his anus. He buries his face in his pillow next to Emma, who stirs and then places a kiss on his shoulder. "Would you like me to call Nathan in?”
He is flushing, hard. "Aye, that would be best.”
He doesn't say anything else as she gets up from the bed and goes in search of his nurse, who probably arrived already. Not long after he managed to get himself into his wheelchair, Nathan enters the bedroom and wheels him into the bathroom. He gathers the items required for his bowel programs, such as suppositories, lubricant, medical gloves, and wet wipes as he is the one who helps with his program almost every time. Killian is acutely aware that Nathan has gone over this process with Emma, in case the nurse couldn’t make it for his routine for some reason. He's still embarrassed about all of it, still not used to how she accepts him and the things that need to be done in his life.
Nathan puts on the gloves and squirts lubricant on his index and middle fingers. Killian tries to relax his muscles, which is difficult; this is his least favorite part as he feels his fingers brush against his anus, the coldness of the lidocaine jelly makes him shiver.
"Ready?" He inquires.
He's not, but he nods yes.
His fingers enter slowly and gently, followed by a circling motion to relax his sphincter. Nathan’s gloved fingers pass through the muscle resistance and he repeats the circling motion several times until some mucus pushes out of his hole, but he doesn't feel the need to push stool out. He goes around with his fingers a couple more times to make sure he's loose, and his knuckles are white on the edge of the commode as his discomfort increases. After a couple more minutes, he finally pulls them out. He lets out a groan in relief, but it is fleeting as he opens a suppository. He looks at him, and he reluctantly nods. He smiles apologetically and lightly squeezes his hand on the commode seat. He aligns the suppository with his anus and inserts it into his rectum with one determined motion. He moans as it stretches him and his finger enters as well, and he pushes it up until it's in place several inches in his rectum. He pulls out and waits a few minutes before inserting another suppository. Once the second one is up, the nurse tells him he will be back in ten minutes to give him some privacy, as the suppositories usually make him gassy during this part of the program.
He always prays that Emma wouldn’t choose this moment to enter their bathroom.
But even after ten minutes, he still hasn't felt his bowel move or stool come out, only some juicy farts escaping like the previous five days.
Nathan returns five minutes later, and he immediately realizes that the program was not a success this time.
"I'm sorry, mate," he says as he wipes him clean with the wet wipes and returns him to the bed, Emma is by the dresser, choosing her outfit for the day. "Would you like to try it, lying down here? Perhaps it will work that way."
"No, I don't like it. And I don't want to make a mess if I start going," he notes his face turning red as he glances at Emma’s back.
"Alright, it was just a suggestion," Nathan says and assists him in choosing his outfit.
„You know, I don't mind washing after it. So long as your program is a success and you're not in discomfort anymore." Emma notes nonchalantly over her shoulder as she puts on her earrings.
Killian blinks several times and feels his ears redden. "It's sweet of you," he says Nathan returns with clothes in his hands. Killian examines them, noticing the sweatpants he chose. He recognizes the reason right away and wants to bury his face in his palms. Because he hadn't been able to pass stool for nearly a week, his chances of having an accident increased. Nathan walks back into the bathroom, and as soon as he hears the crinkling sound of the adult diaper container, he wants the ground to open up and swallow him. It wouldn't be the first time that Emma witnessed him having put on one or her knowing he's wearing one, but the feeling of humiliation still remains. At first he always asked her to leave when this part came in his care, but after she insisted for the millionth time that is didn’t bother her, he gave up trying to shield her from it. He knew that once Emma Swan made up her mind, there was no changing it. He was always fearing that all of this would be too much for her someday.
Nathan assists him in positioning himself on the bed after he returns with the dreaded piece in his hand. He unwraps the tena flex super diaper and places it under him. He rubs baby powder all over down there and even some on his anus and manhood to prevent rashes if he has a bowel or bladder accident before tightening it around his waist. He completes the taping and pulls on his sweatpants. As he assists him in sitting up, he hears the diaper crinkle under him and feels his entire body flush. Emma simply goes over to him and kisses his cheek as she sits beside him to pull on her socks.
After completely dressing him, Nathan helps him into his wheelchair and they head to the kitchen for breakfast.
"I think it'll just be water and some fruits for me today," he says as Emma opens the fridge and asks what he wants to eat.
"Are you sure? Do you think it would work? I can whip up some super greasy, unhealthy french toast with lots of bacon," she suggests, her brow dancing, knowing that's his favorite food.
He glances at Nathan who shakes his head.
"I'm tempted, but my nurse says I should be drinking lots of water and eating lots of fiber in situations like this,” he throws an apprehensive look at his nurse.
„I’m glad my advice gets through to you mate,” Nathan says cheerfully and Emma chuckles.
Killian rolls his eyes.
"Okay, babe, let's try his method then," Emma smiles at him and begins slicing apples, strawberries, and blueberries into the mix. She gets herself an energy bar and a cup of milk, and she hands him the glass of water.
After Nathan says goodbye to them, they eat in relative silence, only talking about their day and what they intend to do.
Later that day after a quick diaper change due to his bladder letting loose, they make their way to a nice secluded area overlooking the sea near the house for lunch in the nice weather. Fortunately, his wheelchair can travel safely on the dirt road as they arrive at their picnic location. She helps him out of his wheelchair and gets him against a tree, ensuring that he remains upright while she unpacks their lunch. Midway through their meal, he has a strange feeling in his stomach and fears he will have a bowel accident. He glances at Emma in concern. She notices what he isn't saying right away and quickly checks the backpack on his wheelchair to see if he has spare diapers, wet wipes, and clothes. However, as she reassures him that it's fine if he needs to go, only a couple of raucous farts escape his rectum this time, the sound is like thunder on a calm night. He quickly apologizes as the farts still continue, his bloating however getting better.
"Don't apologize, babe. You have no control over it; it is only natural. But I'm glad it wasn't an accident this time," she smiles and gently squeezes his hand as they finish their meal.
Killian suggests to Nathan they try another bowel program at night when the nurse arrives for his night routine, just before they go to bed, in case it's successful this time because of his diet this day. He really hopes it is, no matter how disgusting six days of stool in his intestines will be, because the alternative is even worse. He does not want to go to the doctor because of his impaction.
But after half an hour later of Nathan inserting the two suppositories and digitally stimulating his sphincter, it was still nothing. He loses all hope. The nurse wipes the mucus from his anus and tries to comfort him as he helps him to bed, Emma already waiting for him under the covers. Nathan wraps an Abena m4 around his waist for protection at night and says his goodbye for the second time that day. When he has to wear a diaper in their bed at night, he usually lays on his left side, facing but not touching Emma. But Emma has other plans this time, she scoots closer to him, and her head lands on his chest. He repositions his legs so that they wrap around her, and he flushes.
"What is it? Do you have to go?" she asks, alarmed, not sure if Nathan is still in the vicinity if she has to call him back.
"No...No...just...God," he says, burying his face in her hair. "Umm...my... my diaper is touching your leg. Doesn't it... doesn't it bother you?
He's so embarrassed.
"What? Of course not, babe. Why would it? You need it for protection, it could never bother me. Hey," she says, lifting his chin with his index finger. "There's nothing about you that could ever bother me, okay?"
He nods slowly, still not believing she accepts him completely.
"All right," he says quietly.
"Good," she says, smiling. "I believe we should request an appointment with your doctor tomorrow. I know you don't like it, and I know what he'll probably say. But your constipation has never been this bad."
He lets out a sigh. "I know," he admits, sounding defeated.
Yes, he is aware that he must take action. He also knows what the doctor will recommend.
An enema.