Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As Hunter stepped into the portal, he watched the world form back around him. He stepped forward and immediately felt dizziness rush to his head. With a stiffled groan, he staggered forward in an attempt of walking straight.

After a few pitiful seconds of annoyance and pain, he knelt down, clutching his wrist with a shaky hand.

The boy had only a dull sense of what actually happened. And when Willow came up behind him, reaching out a hand to lay on his shoulder, he tensed up and turned.

The blonde's ears twitched and his gaze rose up to her eyes. She took a sharp breath in, seeing his tired eyes blink rapidly. She saw the way his chest rose raggedy with each quickening breath, how he was holding himself in disgust.

His nails dug harshly into his skin.

Her eyes widened slightly and she let out a small whimper.

"Hey- hey, Hunter-" She whispered with a sad tone, turning back to see Gus, Amity, Luz, and her mother starting to walk toward them concerned.

She squeezed his shoulder slightly and he noticed them.

He took a couple more deep breaths, quickly composing himself. It was like he painted an image that was not truthful. He stood up, ignoring his legs screaming at him, and cleared his throat.

Only he couldn't cover the reddness in his eyes and the glassy, distant look of them, he otherwise looked normal, adjusting his posture.

Willow watched him quickly cover up the sight she'd just seen. Her hand had fallen from his shoulder to his arm when he stood up, and she turned a light pink when she noticed she was still clinging onto him.

"Are you guys okay?" Luz ran up to them, brows furrowed. She quickly darted her vision from the girl to Hunter and raised an eyebrow. Willow shrugged slightly, motioning her head to him.

He hugged his torso with his arms and also shrugged, rubbing his eyes skittishly.

"We're good." Hunter finally answered when the rest of the gang caught up, or after a long period of uncomfortable silence.

"Welcome to Boiling Isles, mom," Luz said hopefully.

"Oh." Camilla looked into the night sky wistfully, then looking back around. Forests wrapped around a rocky path, murderous calls and cackles in the foggy night, the occasional scream. "It doesn't look very friendly here."

Luz sighed and walked to her mother's side, squeezing her arm slightly.

"I know, mamá. But it used to be." Her voice broke and she sniffed, quickly shaking it off.

It wasn't a lie, sure, but Luz and the rest all knew it wasn't a complete truth. Maybe at some point it was peaceful. But Belos, he ruined it all. And that thought made Hunter sink a little bit, biting his lip.

Gus laughed dryly, trying to lighten the mood. "What should we do now?"

"Rest. It's dangerous to be around here. We'll need a while, so we should make a camp." Hunter replied, glad to have a chance at work. "I can find a shelter. I know this area-"

He cringed, shutting his mouth. Just another Belos thing. It wasn't necessary.

Amity glanced at him suspiciously, almost daring herself to tell him to continue. But in the past months, she'd grown closer to Hunter. And she knew very well if he wasn't giving information by choice, pestering about it wouldn't help. Plus, it wasn't their buisness. She elbowed Luz, who was obviously about to ask about it, and she gave her the look. The, "Not now, stupid sweet potato" look.

Luz pouted slightly then they both turned and noticed Gus speaking. Amity hissed softly and bit her cheek, listening in.

"-razzbites around here. They're a deep magenta, if ripe, and make sure they are ripe, because they're deadly poisonous if not."

Willow whistled impressed. "I guess I should expect my best friend to know about plants, huh?"

"I read, you know," he teased.

"Deadly poisonous?" Camilla repeated in disbelief. "You kids better not kill us!" She shook a fist in a playful matter, but the message obviously still stood.

"I can get some and grow them," Willow offered. Hunter rubbed his arm anxiously, itching to do something, anything, to get his mind off his pain.

Was he in pain? Yes. Was it his priority? Eeeh...

Even though his arms burned like acid, lighting up his body with shocks whenever his clothes grazed his skin? Even though his head pounded with every slight noise, like his Inner Hunter was doing construction? Even if his legs felt like they being torn off his hips and shoved back into place with every step? His ribs shook and scraped his skin? His spine twisting and cracking with every, single, slight motion?

He's a-okay!

Hunter started walking away, mumbling excuses as he clutched his stomach with an arm and waved to his friends. But Amity gently grabbed his hand and pulled him back. He flinched, but quickly relaxed a bit when he saw it was only Amity.

"We shouldn't split up. Luz can go with Willow to get food, Gus and Camilla want to both collect resources. And I don't mind adventuring into the big bad dangerous woods," she teased lightly. His eyes lit up a tiny bit with a spark of mischief.

"We'll see if you're really that brave, Blight," he chuckled slightly then winced, bending in on himself ever-so noticeably.

"Are you good?" She asked with a hushed tone, trying to not let the others notice.

He waved Amity off quickly with a grunt. "I'm fine."

"I-"

"AMITY!!" Luz whined, running at her. "I'm going off with Willoowwww! Please don't die," she said dramatically.

Amity glared at Hunter. "I'm not done with you." Then she turned to Luz and quickly matched her energy. "I KNOWWW! Please don't die also," Amity pouted, pulling Luz in for a hug.

After many promises of return, they all went their seperate ways with their partner.

Hunter and Amity left last, noting where each pair went.

"Let's go." He turned and walked into the woods, almost tripping quickly. He hoped Amity forgot about him.

Luckily, she seemed pretty unphased.

They slowly stumbled until they found 3 options for shelter. A cave covered in vines and moss, a large hollow tree, or a divot in the ground surrounded by rocks. Most of it was open, but the plants and coverage wasn't really an issue. Plus, it was only temporary.

"The cave would be best." Hunter stated.

"Are you kidding? The rocks! It's natural shelter, HUGE, and-"

"The cave is natural. And rock."

"Yes, but it has a wide open entrance. And no room for a fire to air out?" Amity said smugly.

"Who needs fire? We have light glyphs, and food that won't need-"

"Are you dumb? We can't survive on berries forever. And the light isn't the issue! Heat!"

Hunter replied mindlessly, guiding them back to the original spot, not knowing Amity was getting frustrated.

"Seriously? You cannot just outvote me. You aren-"

"Sure I can," he sang out.

Then Amity snapped. She saw red. It was dumb, yes, but she was dehydrated, hungry, tired, and upset. This bickering was building up and it seemed Hunter didn't even care about their wellbeing. Amity didn't know he was being lighthearted, and was really listening, or rather she didn't understand. All she saw was her mother ignoring her and pushing for her point without any regard.

She angrily cried out a groan. "You aren't the Golden Guard anymore Hunter! You keep acting like- like you are better than everybody else! You're just an annoying kid who got a position he wasn't ready for! You cannot really- I mean- Come on?! Don't you see what's best? Are you trying to get us killed? News flash, YOU aren't special Mo- Ugh! Hunter!" She yelled at him, clenching her fists and eyes. She leaned against a tree and took a couple breaths before she realized he was quiet.

Looking up, anger still in her head, she froze.

He was standing straight up, but looking down. Tears fell infront of him as he mindlessly watched his hands and fiddled with his fingers. He was standing tall, yet somehow cowered in the shadows.

"Oh."

Amity's anger melted and guilt replaced it instead.

"H-hunter- I'm sorry, I really didn't..." Her voice trailed off, stuttering. His voice was so empty, hollow... and robotic. It was eerily lost of emotion.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, please. I-I apologize- I'll do better. I spoke-" he muttered panicked. He was finally, finally rid of this routine. It hadn't happened in forever. But when she snapped, all he saw, all he felt.

He knew.

He's back to square 1.

Hunter tried to breathe. He watched Amity at loss for words. He tried, as hard as he could. 1,2,3,4, 1,2,3,4... it wouldn't work.

She stepped toward him and he flinched hard, tripping backward and raising his hands infront of his face. He started breathing heavily, finally free of his lightheadedness.

"Mercy, sir-" he sobbed loudly, his shoulders raised and eyes screwed shut. Amity almost fell backward, absolutely shocked at herself for letting it get to her, for letting Hunter freak out. No. For causing it.

His breathing returned to normal, mostly by sheer force. Everytime his chest expanded, his skin was pulled, feeing as if it was ripping open. He sat up and grabbed his shirt harshly and let out one more sob before he gazed up at Amity, full of fear. His vision was blurry but he pretended he was fine.

He opened his mouth to speak and only mustered a whimper before holding his head in his hands, ashamed of what he'd let himself show.

Hunter was still not sure this was real. But he knew it would only make things worse. And this episode, as horrible as it sounded, had been much quicker then some of the other panic attacks. So he let out a breath and stood up, emotions turned off. If this was all fake, he appeared to be okay. Even though inside he was so scared he was about to pass out.

"Hunter, I'm really sorry. Honestly. I don't know what came over me-"

"It's fine." He said coldly, quickly walking past her.

As he walked by he flinched away from her, but tried to keep himself calm. He was inches away from having a whole 'nother panic attack. Of course, he'd never admit that.

"No, it's not. I got overwhelmed. I'm nervous right now and I lashed out. I should have talked it out," she rambled empathetically. She didn't want to ever be the reason he broke down, but too late.

He sped up his walking until it was eventually jogging, running, then, sprinting. His teeth were gritted and he didn't respond to the attempts of apologies. He ran from Amity, far into the bushes and trees. He ran from his problems and the inevitable awkward conversation. He ran from his friends, his life. And before he knew it he was lost. Falling to his knees, Hunter let out an animaistic howl of pain and agony.

He cried his heart out, his headache splitting into his skull. His fingers felt rusty and delayed as he grabbed for a rock from the ground and smashed it against his ankle. He pounded into his bone, feeling it crack and shatter. Hunter's hands ached and so did everything else. His whole body and mind burned. Everything he'd been bottling up, had been keeping away from others, it was flooding out.

His intense phobia of the past, the fear and horror of change and losing his friends. The feeling of killing his best friend and selfishly moving on so quickly. He felt Flapjack's heart beat in his hands as he killed him. Being controlled, hurting his friends, falling into traps. The abuse of Belos, his mannerisms and panic and anxiety and PTSD. All of it was brought out. He felt insane and yelled at himself, yelling his voice raw.

"YOU SHOULD BE DEAD! DIE! I HATE YOU- I HATE YOU I HATE YOU! YOU ARE AN AWFUL AWFUL PERSON- PLEASE JUST DIE-" He howled at himself, scratching his skin until blood came pooling out. He truly believed everything he was saying. It felt right. But then he wanted to stop. He thought about Luz, his friends. He thought about how much he'd improved. He watched himself tear his body apart, unable to stop himself. It was like he was possesed again. But he knew.

This was all him.

He finally calmed down somewhat and screamed one final time before falling to his side and whimpering pathetically. He hiccuped and sniffled, afraid to look at the damage he'd done. His whole torso and below was numb, but he could feel the blood sticking to his arms and pants and shirt.

Hunter shut his eyes painfully, and passed out.

Chapter Text

It was dark.

His dreams. They were unusally peaceful today.

Then again, it wasn't like things could be much worse.

Actually, they could be. He could be captured by Belos and being forced to tell his friends what a monster he truly was, forced to submit back to his abuser, only to be murdered and brought back to life with a new mind and-

Hunter gasped weakly and his eyes shot open.

Everything was blurry. He ran his hand infront of him, feeling the ground, then immediately yelped in pain. His arms were covered with dried blood, and moving them pulled his skin, along with the scab and wounds he'd inflicted on himself before.

He whined and curled further into himself, trying his hardest not to cry again.

He'd made a bad desicion. Bad, bad, bad. That's just all he seemed to know.

The blond boy laid there for a couple minutes before realizing how cold he was and forcing himself to somewhat-sit up. He slowly crawled forward, looking for shelter, anything. With every step he moved he groaned. With every branch he didn't see he almost fell on his face. But he kept moving.

His ankle burned. He knew he couldn't walk. But it would not help crying about it. He just kept moving.

Maybe it was spite. Probably not determination. Nah, he wasn't very determined or inspired right now. More like...

Angry.

And anger can get you a far way.

After about an hour of reassuring himself and suffering to move, he reached something slightly comforting.

It was the big tree they had ruled out for shelter.

Hunter chuckled bitterly. He knew he was still far from his friends, but Amity knew where this was. Eventually they would come. They had to, right?

But he didn't deserve them. He didn't deserve their kindness. He abandoned them. Not like he was important. Amity made that abundantly clear, and he understood.

It still hurt.

It was probably his biggest wound.

He really hated himself.

Shaking off his self-pity, he moved around the hollow wood and smiled slightly, his lips cracking.

There it was. He and Amity decided if they were to come back to one of these shelters, if something were to happen, they would need supplies.

So they had brought 3 bottles of water, some first aid supplies, and a pack of Trail-Mix, which Hunter cringed at. Hex-Mix was not good. Maybe this would be better. It's all he had, after all.

He hesitated to grab the water, then drank some of it. It hurt going down, it felt like he was drinking lava, or downing Boiling Rain. It had to help though.

He had half the bottle left and shakily held it in his hand, flexing his arm infront of him. He counted three breaths, then poured some of it and winced. It felt like water sizzling against his skin. But he rubbed his arm and some of the blood came off. Hunter sighed. This would be a while.

Repeating the same steps over and over, with a great deal of agony, he eventually cleaned his arms. They were at least manageable now.

Morbidly, he reached for bandages and wrapped his arms.

Ow. Ow, ow, OW-

He bit his lip so hard it almost started bleeding and he panted. It hurt so bad. His ears flickered with sensitivity with every pang of pain. He had to keep going though.

He went through the rest of the water cleaning his legs and ankle, repeating the process yet again. It hurt less than his hands and arms. There weren't many scars on his legs.

Then his attention was on the broken ankle. He reached for a stick and used nearly the last bit of it cleaning it.

He wrapped the stick vertically against his calf and ankle and wrapped that with even more bandages. There was pressure on it. That's all he knew to do.

Finally, Hunter just put the 2 bandaids they had around where the cuts in his face were. One was around his scar, and he felt electricity run down his body with each touch, but he succesfully coveres it. And one was on his neck. This was easier to get, but still sent sparks of stinging.

He grabbed the tiny pack of Trail-Mix and ate it, jaw clicking. Drinking the last bit of water, he crawled back to the log and leaned inside it, finally resting. Maybe sleep wouldn't be bad.

So, closing his eyes, he prepared himself for nightmares and terrors.

...

But he just woke up again, hours later. It was much darker. Had he really been here a full day? It felt so quick.

And his dreams? Nothing. He was at peace.

He was sore and achy. But everything hurt less. He could handle it.

He had no water. He just sat in the log, waiting for someone to come. He tried to mend his wolf-shirt, he tried to keep an eye on his wounds. He spent 2 days, just sitting there. He was going to die.

Had his time finally come?

For the last time, he shuts his eyes, hunger clawing at his stomach, his throat screaming in pain. Everything was dry. His skin, it was pale and feverish.

The pain in his stomach was much, much worse. It was awful. He thought dying would maybe be his best option. So he sat, completely still. May Titan have mercy.

His eyes shot open. He actually heard someone. It was faint, but it sounded like Luz and Willow. He gasped. Opening his mouth, he tried to speak, nothing coming out.

"W- wuh.." His voice rasped. He tried to form his words. He was used to thinking to himself now. "Willow!" He whispered. "L-luz.. please-"

As if they heard, the voices stopped. He froze. Had they left?

"...think he's this way! I feel it- please Willow! A few more minutes!" Luz's voice rang out, getting closer. His eyes watered. It wasn't his time.

He crawled out the tree and leaned against it stiffly, watching for them, begging for them to know. That's when Willow's voice came from behind the tree, and Clover buzzed past him, looking ahead.

"He was here. He- he may be alive. Look- bottles- Luz..." she said heartbroken. What had he done? He made the people he loves most so worried about him. But all he could do was just hope, hope they found him.

"Look around. He may be her-" Willow turned to him and completely froze.

The boy had large dark eyebags, darker then before. Or maybe it was his pale skin and droopy eyes. They were bloodshot and exhausted. His jacket was wrapped around his shoulders, a pitiful attempt at warmth. His arms were bandaged, but still bloody. His neck and shoulders were incredibly scratched up, probably by thorns. And his ankle was disfigured, swollen, and bruised.

"Hey Captain.."

She was silent for a few moments then gasped and slid toward him, howling in misery.

Tears immediately started to fall as she hugged him gently, trying not to hurt him.

"H- hun- Where were- What happened? Why would you ever-?!" She hiccuped, sobbing into him with anger and rage and saddness and love. "I'm so glad you are alive! You- you need help-" She scrambled around to find Luz.

"LUZ!"

She came running past and pretty much had the same reaction as Willow.

"I'm sorry... I'm so so sorry- I-" He stuttered, tears starting to roll down his cheeks. "Please forgive me- please..." He cried out scratchily.

"Shut up you dork. I'm so happy you're alive and here- I- We thought you died-" Luz spoke faster then her thoughts and staggered back, holding onto a tree for support. She covered her face and cried.

After a while of talking and crying, they all rested together, holding each other tight.

Maybe his friends didn't hate him. But he was too tired now. He just enjoyed this moment, as horrible as it was, while it lasted.

It wasn't too horrible.

He was going home.