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Chapter Text

•John•

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.." He grumbled as he tugged the dark blue apron on over his head, the neck strap ruffling his dark brown mohawk on the way down.

He reached behind him to wrap the strings to his front to knot them there as his boss lectured him for what was probably the hundredth time about being late. It was five minutes.

Okay, maybe fifteen.

In John's defense, he had a long night the night before and struggled to get out of bed this morning. When he saw the time on his phone he cursed and scrambled to get ready, throwing on the closest clothes he grabbed, tugging one of his shoes on as he stumbled out the door, keys in his teeth and still cursing under his breath.

He was still exhausted, especially having nearly jogged the whole way here. The walk from his flat was only about ten minutes on an average day, but he was in a hurry this morning. It wasn't unusual for him to be a couple minutes late, but fifteen wasn't as common.

The morning rush was in full swing by now and the front counter was swamped with orders. He washed up and trotted to the front, earning a quirked brow from Megan at the register as she penned a name onto a hot cup and passed it down the line.

"Oi! What are you lookin' at?" He was smiling at her in faux disbelief as she shook her head and smirked.

He loved sharing a shift with her. They'd become good friends since he started at the coffee shop a few months ago, immediately hitting it off on their shared interests in music, often teasingly complaining about what the shop owner played. They got along well with the man who ran the place, he was like a father figure. Despite chewing John's ass about being late (he guessed he couldn't blame him) John still gave the man a light jab on the shoulder and flashed a huge, lopsided grin at him on his way to the front.

He took his place on the line, relieving another guy of running two stations as he started working on espresso grinds.

"Late again Mr. MacTavish." Megan tsk'd at him, still smirking, "Late night with Tiffany?"

John shifted a little, dropping his gaze and stammering out, "Uh.. Kind of. I guess."

Megan started to say something but John just focused harder on his work, shutting down the conversation. He felt her eyes on him here and there through the rest of the morning rush, thankful for the constant flow of customers to keep her from picking the conversation back up, not ready to tackle it yet.

He let his mind empty as he worked, zoning out and drifting to help other stations when he had a lull, trying to keep his hands busy. He was trying, unsuccessfully, not to dwell on the massive blow up he and Tiffany had had the night before. They'd been dating for just over a year and things were.. okay.

An old friend had set them up, insisting it would be a great match. John wasn't nearly as enthusiastic at first, but he agreed to take her out and see what happened. No harm in trying, right?

He hadn't had a ton of luck dating. He was outgoing enough and he formed friendships easily, but romantically? It was like he was fumbling in the dark and trying to find something without knowing what the hell he was looking for. It never felt quite right at the end of the day.

Somehow Tiffany stuck around, though. She had seemed almost endeared by his clumsy efforts, patient as he navigated a relationship that was beginning to last beyond a couple of weeks, something foreign to him. Six months in, she invited herself to meet his parents when he was going home for a weekend visit. Said it would be a romantic getaway for the two of them.

His parents were over the moon with her, and with good reason he supposed. Tiffany was pretty and nice enough. She had long dark hair that was often worn in soft waves down her shoulders. She dressed well and carried herself confidently, especially around others. All of this made her very easy for people to like and he got regular comments from friends about how lucky he was that she settled for a guy like him. It was always said with a light and teasing tone, but he often wondered if she could do better.

He felt like he wasn't living up to what she wanted from a relationship. Scratch that. He knew he wasn't after last night. He had gone out with a friend who was in town for the night on his way out of the country to have a drink and catch the game at a local pub. He came home to her seething.

"Did I do something?" He asked, tentatively as he closed the door to the flat softly behind him.

"What do you think?" She slammed the TV remote onto the coffee table as she stood up, staring hard at him.

He hesitated in the entry, "I'm.. I'm honestly not sure what I did, Tiffany. I'm sorry, though. I-"

"You're always sorry, John. Sorry that you never invite me out? That I always have to invite myself? Sorry that you never plan dates for us anymore? Sorry that you don't seem to give a shit about us? Christ sake, we barely have sex lately, John! Doesn't that bother you?" Her voice had steadily raised to a near shout by now.

He worried his keys in his hand, unsure how to respond for a moment, "Can we sit and talk about it? I'm sorry, really. I.. I know you don't want to hear that. I don't know what to say.." He trailed off as she glared at him.

"You never do. You never know what to say. Monica got engaged last weekend. Did you know that? Trevor asked her on holiday." Her lips were tense, thin lines, her face flushed.

He creased his brow for a second, confused, "Tiff, what does that have to do wi-"

"Everything!" She cut him off again, "I've been throwing hints at your head for months! Showing you rings I liked, romantic places for holidays, I even pointed out a wedding venue, John. How are you not seeing it?"

"You're upset because I haven't proposed to you?" It clicked at last.

"Yes! It's been over a year and you won't even talk to me about it! Every one of our friends is getting engaged, getting married, having a baby, but here we are, stuck. You act like you aren't interested in this relationship anymore." She blew out a sharp breath, "Every time we fuck lately it's because I start it and you look miserable the whole damn time, like you want to get it over with. Is there something wrong with me?"

His eyes were starting to swim now. He felt overwhelmed and confused about how this night went to shit so fast.

"No, Tiff. There's nothing wrong with you.. I.. Hell, I don't know. I don't know what's gotten into me lately, I think I'm just stressed maybe. I'm sorry, truly." His words were wavering. He couldn't process this right now. It was late and he was still feeling the buzz from the alcohol he'd had, even though this confrontation burned a lot of the tipsy haze away.

She continued to stare holes into him for another minute before letting out a loud, "Fuck!" And storming to the bedroom. He heard her shuffling around in the closet and he followed her in.

She had an overnight bag pulled out, throwing whatever clothes she grabbed first into it before checking her shoulder against him on the way to the bathroom to shove more things in on top.

"Tiffany, wait.. Let's just ca-"

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down, John. I'm done with this. I'm going to Monica's for tonight. I'll come pick up the rest of my things this week." She snapped at him as she slammed the front door behind her on her way out.

He stood in the doorway to their bedroom, not sure what to feel but empty.

"Um.. Hello?" The voice was deep and rough, it shook him out of the reflection he had gotten sucked into.

Megan had left the register and wasn't around, he was the closest person now that the rush had died and a customer was trying to get his attention as he stood with his back to the door.

"Yes, Sir! I'm sorry about that." He finished drying the glass he held onto, bending over to put it behind the counter in its designated spot before painting his customer service smile into place as he turned, "What can I get for you?"

His words started strong, but drifted a little at the end as he looked at the stranger in front of him. He was tall. Really tall. John wasn't small, 6'2" and pretty broadly built thanks to a healthy gym habit, but this man still seemed to tower over him a bit and he was definitely dedicated to the gym as well, or he worked a very physical job at the least. He wore a hooded jumper, unzipped to show a fitted tee beneath that hugged the muscles in his chest. A set of headphones rested around his neck. The lower half of his face was obscured with a mask looped over his ears, black with a cheeky pattern of the bottom of a skull printed on it. He had tousled blonde hair, a little longer on top and deep brown eyes.

He realized those eyes stared at him expectantly. Oh shit! He missed the order.

John let out a little laugh and blinked a few times, "Sorry about that, I missed it. Can you repeat it?"

The man's eyes crinkled up in an assumed smile back, "Can I get a.. Earl Grey with no sugar."

"S-Sure thing. I'll get it going. What's the name?" He held the marker to the cup in his hand.

"Simon. Thanks." He stared at John for another second, eyes warm, handed some folded bills over and walked to the end of the counter to wait.

John swallowed hard.

Chapter Text

"You doing alright?" Megan was back and staring at John with a worried look on her face.

He shook his head in an attempt to clear it, "Yeah, why?"

"Because you're staring into space and gripping that cup like you're mad at it." She reached and took the hot cup from his hands, passing it down the line.

He realized he still had the marker in hand, too, having frozen after the man gave him his name. He recapped it and stuck it in the cup next to the register and took a deep breath.

"What's going on, John? You seem out of it today." Megan leaned her hip on the counter and crossed her arms on her chest. He wasn't going to get out of this after all.

"Nothi-" He cut off when she narrowed her eyes at him, "Tiff and I got into a fight last night and it's been on my mind."

She blew out a breath, "Shit.. Do you need to cut out early?"

"No," he sighed, "I'm sure Mr. Price will kill me if I do since I was late this morning." He ran a hand through his hair where it promptly flopped back onto his forehead. He needed to cut it.

"If you change your mind, I'll cover for you." She patted his shoulder and headed toward the back to work on inventory.

"Who the hell sent an unmarked cup?" Kyle was looking at John from the end of the line, slightly irritated, cup in his hand.

"My bad!" John looked, but the man wasn't waiting at the counter. He scanned the cluster of tables by the windows and spotted the back of his head, he had his headphones on now and a book in hand.

"Here, I'll take it out." John grabbed the cup, a little more eager than he would typically be about walking an order to a table.

He rounded the counter and walked to where the man Simon was sitting. Why the hell was his heart beating so fast?

He set the cup down, leaning lightly on the table with the palm of his free hand and offering a smile. Simon jumped a little and huffed out a laugh as he slid the headphones down and back around his neck, mussing his blonde hair in the process.

"Sorry about that, mate. Got to a good spot and got distracted." He lifted the book where his thumb was holding his place. "Thanks for bringing it by." His eyes crinkled up above the mask like he was smiling under it.

John felt a blush touch his cheeks and he looked away, "No problem. I.. I'll uh.. be over there," He pointed to the counter, "if you need anything else." He turned quickly and started back to the counter.

What the hell was with him? Was he coming down with something? He almost felt feverish and lightheaded. He leaned against the counter as he started wiping down some of the equipment, trying to keep his hands busy again.

The rattle of the ancient bell above the door a few minutes later made him look up in time to see the large figure walking out into the drizzling rain with his hood pulled up, book under his arm and cup in hand. He stared a little too long at the doorway.

"Kid. You alright? You look sick. You better not be sick." Mr. Price was staring at him, lips pursed into a frown under his fluffy beard and mustache.

John liked to think it was out of concern for his wellbeing, but he likely didn't want to risk more of his staff getting sick. Okay.. maybe a little of both.

"I think I'm fine. Just a long night." He tried a smile, it didn't land.

"Head home. If you aren't feeling better tomorrow, stay there. If you are, come in. Make sure you're on time if you do." He patted John's back awkwardly, "Feel better, kid."

John was honestly okay with it. He needed to figure some things out anyway. It was late when Tiffany left last night and he didn't have the energy to do much after she slammed the door on her way out. He had crawled into bed almost immediately only to toss and turn, feeling uncomfortable in the bed without her presence. The thought surfaced, unbidden, that it wasn't her that he was missing, it was simply the familiarity of a second set of breaths in the darkness.

He shoved it down as soon as he recognized it and grabbed his pillow before he stalked to the couch, getting comfortable in the spot that he found himself in more often lately. He worked early shifts at the coffee shop so he was usually home before Tiffany made it back from the office where she was employed. He would typically come home, get cleaned up, and spend an hour or so on something he enjoyed before he started dinner.

He cooked for them most nights, enjoying his time in the kitchen. His mother had taught him a lot, insisting that he be self sufficient as an adult, and it made a love of cooking bloom in him from a young age. It let him focus on something, create something, show his love to the people that mattered.

Tiffany would come home and they would eat together before she got cleaned up and they would sit on the sofa together as she mindlessly flipped channels or scrolled on her phone. John used to try to engage with her more, but recently she seemed to just get increasingly irritable with him, rolling her eyes or outright ignoring him.

Before the serious decline in the relationship that they experienced recently, she would often try to instigate sex with him once they went to bed for the night. The longer they were together, the more difficult it was for John to feign enthusiasm. Sex hadn't really done much for him historically. He liked intimacy, but sex always felt slightly uncomfortable, an awkward edge creeping in making him have to hyperfocus to keep the momentum going and see it through.

That led to him somewhat intentionally falling asleep on the couch most nights in the hopes that she would leave him be. Not the most healthy way to approach it, he knew that. He was afraid of bringing it up, though, knowing that it would lead to a bigger blow up and he hated when she yelled at him. He already felt somewhat defective, like he wasn't a normal guy for not wanting to go at it all the time, he didn't need her to hammer that in further.

He was reaching his flat by now, drizzling rain having soaked into his thin jacket and chilling him. He unlocked the door and stepped inside, moving into the stagnant silence as it wrapped around him, door clicking shut behind him. He hung his head and the tears he had been holding back finally started to drop to the floor by his feet, leaving burning trails down his cheeks.

He rubbed his eyes with his palms and took a deep breath. He just needed to get through tonight. He kicked off his shoes and started to undress, leaving a trail of clothes to the bathroom where he cranked the shower far too hot. While it warmed up, he texted Megan, thanking her again for covering for him and apologizing for leaving her mid inventory.

Don't worry about it. Take care, John. I'm sure you and Tiff will be fine, just a row. See ya tomorrow.

He set the phone down on the counter and stepped into the shower, trying to scrub away the last 24 hours from his skin.

Once he was cleaned up and dressed in a pair of shorts and a tee, he went to sprawl on the couch, not having it in him to do more than watch awful daytime TV while his mind played the same things back to him on a loop.

He must have drifted to sleep at some point, his dreams were plagued with shouts and slamming doors making him toss and turn until a brief flash of warm brown eyes crinkled up in a hidden smile made him sit straight up on the couch, knocking his phone onto the floor from where it was resting on his chest.

What the hell was that? What made him think of the man from the shop?

He rubbed his eyes, willing the sleep away and grabbing his phone. He swiped up on the screen to a message from Megan asking if he wanted to go get a beer down the road, apparently inventory had her ready for a cold one today. He checked the time, he could still make it so he texted her back and hurried to get dressed.

•••

The bar was packed since it was a Friday night. He made his way through the crowd, looking for Megan, finally spotting the shock of unnaturally red hair flash by the far side of the bar.

"How's it going, gorgeous?" He asked in an exaggerated low tone near her ear.

She jumped and slapped him on the arm. "Going good til you got here!" It was said in fun, they defaulted to giving one another a hard time when the mood was light.

"And here I was, going to offer to buy your drinks for the night since I stiffed you today." He mimed wiping away an invisible tear while she ordered for them.

"You can still do that. How are you feeling by the way?" She switched to a more serious tone with the question.

"Eh, she packed up and stayed at Monica's last night. Said she is getting the rest of her stuff this week, so not good I'd say." He paid the bartender for their beers and took a long pull while Megan's eyes searched his face.

"Can I be honest?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.

He shrugged, "Always."

"She's kind of a bitch, John." She waved his attempted protestations off, "Not.. entirely? She's not evil, I just don't think she's a good match for you." She placed her free hand on his forearm, squeezing softly, "You don't seem happy, babe. I just want you happy."

Their conversation was cut short by Megan's wife, Allie shouting a greeting to them both, still a few feet away in the crowd as she waved frantically. John returned the wave.

"We can talk about it tomorrow, Meg. I appreciate you looking out." He gave her a weak smile and flagged the bartender to order for Allie.

They spent the next couple of hours drinking and dancing, the topic of Tiffany tabled for the time being meant that he was finally starting to relax a little.

He leaned down to Meg's ear to be heard above the crowd and the music, "I'll be back." And pointed to the hall with the restrooms.

He made his way, somewhat stumbling down the dark hall, halfway down a man stepped out of the bathroom door ahead of him. It was the man from the shop earlier.. Simon. He still had the mask on with the skull pattern. John almost called out to him but internally chastised himself. That would be a strange thing to do, greet someone by name because they bought a tea from you that day. He cast his eyes down as they passed each other, but couldn't resist looking over his shoulder after their paths crossed, catching the man looking right back at him as he turned the corner.

He felt a blush touch his cheeks again and shook his head.

Must be the alcohol hitting a little hard.

He stepped through the swinging door and tried to drop the thought of the stranger from his head once more.

The entire walk back to Meg and Allie had John scanning the room, trying to find him again. He couldn't explain why, exactly. He quickly realized he was gone, though. He would be hard to miss between his size and the mask he wore.

"Looking for someone?" Allie asked, already clearly buzzed.

"Just thought I saw someone I knew." He shrugged. "I don't think it was him, though. Hey, I'm going to call it a night. You ladies have fun. Meg, I'll see you in the morning, yeah?" He pointed to her and smiled.

"Ugh! Don't remind me!" She laughed and waved him off.

He stepped out into the chilly air and started home, making sure to set his alarm just a little early, not wanting to be late again.

•••

The morning rush wasn't quite as bad on Saturday. It never was. It hit a little slower and later than the week day crowd which John was incredibly thankful for. His head was pounding this morning despite the medication he took for the pain an hour ago. Meg was in a similar position and she kept squinting at the lights as if irritated at their existence.

He hadn't done too much thinking last night on everything, but he did text Tiffany to tell her he loved her and that he missed her at home. Reading it back this morning, it sounded hollow to him. Like he was just saying what he thought she wanted to hear. Maybe that was what he needed to do to patch things up, though.

He was running the register, Meg had swapped with him, not feeling up for chit chat herself today. There was no one left in the shop at the moment except for a couple of patrons scattered at some high top tables so he pulled his phone out, scrolling to the message thread with Tiffany, typing and retyping a message a dozen times before finally sending it, frowning at his phone in his hand.

He heard a sound at the register and snapped his head up. The man from yesterday was back and was watching him, eyebrow perked.

"I'm so sorry!" He tossed his phone down behind the register with a too loud clatter, "What can I get for you?"

"Earl grey-" He started in that rough edged voice, sounding like he had just woken up.

"No sugar, got it" John quirked his lips into a lopsided grin at him.

The man's eyes lifted in a smile again, but the mask was still in place, concealing his mouth. John was starting to wonder why he wore it, having seen him three times with it now. It was honestly kind of intriguing and he found himself wanting to ask, but not wanting to be rude to a complete stranger, let alone a customer.

The man cleared his throat softly, darting his eyes down. He was holding out cash for John.

Shit.

He shook his head and reached for the payment, "I'm so sorry, I'm very off my game this week, apparently!" He was putting the money into the register when the man replied.

"I think you're quite on your game, John." He winked at him, so quick he wasn't sure he saw it and then he walked to the end of the counter.

John watched him walk away, eyes tracing over his broad shoulde-

"Hey, what's the order?" Megan elbowed him lightly, tugging the cup out of his hand. He hadn't written anything on it, had just been stuck standing in shock.

"Um, Earl Grey, no sugar. Name is Simon." He noticed his voice softened on the name.

Meg noticed something off as well, narrowing her eyes at him for a second before scribbling on the cup and passing it to Kyle. She turned to look at the man at the pickup counter, he had his phone out and was scrolling casually while he waited.

"Same guy as yesterday?" She asked, speculative.

"Uh.. Yeah, maybe?" John stammered out, turning away from her to pocket his phone and straighten up the counter a little.

"Well, he didn't give you his name and you remembered it, so I'm going to assume yes." She hadn't taken her eyes off of him, he could feel her gaze burning through him while he acted busy. She finally relented and started breaking down one of the blenders to clean.

He heard Kyle call for Simon and he watched him collect the cup and take a seat at a far table, back to the counter as he watched people pass on the street outside. No book today, but he slipped his headphones on and after a few taps on his phone, set it down and turned his gaze back to the window, hand wrapped around the paper cup.

John busied himself with the pastry case for a bit so he could get a better look without being as obvious. He waited to see the man drink the tea, wondering if he would take the mask off. No such luck. He was seated inside for about 15 minutes when he stood up and turned toward the counter. Meg was back on register and he kicked himself now for switching her spots.

He felt his stomach get a little fluttery at the thought. Why was he wanting to interact with him so badly? It was just another customer. He couldn't understand why he was drawn to him. It didn't make any sense.

He saw him reach the register and ask Megan a question. She smiled and nodded. John was too far out of range to hear the quiet conversation but he couldn't help his eyes darting over. The man handed her something, and tipped his head at her before he flicked his eyes to John.

Shit!

He got caught staring. He blushed a deep pink, feeling the heat rising on his cheeks as he turned back to rotating the trays of danishes, nearly dropping one in the process.

"Anything you want to tell me, John?" Meg leaned back against the door of the case, eyes to the ceiling, arms folded on her chest.

"About what?" He tried for nonchalance, failing miserably.

"About why that customer wanted to know if you were single?" She held a folded piece of paper up in her fingers.

John swallowed, "H-He what?"

"Mhm. Wanted to know if he could ask me a question about you. I nodded and he shocked the hell out of me asking if I knew if you were single or not. Said he didn't want to make you uncomfortable asking directly in case he wasn't your type." She leveled her gaze at him as he crouched by the case, mouth slightly open and eyes wide, trying to process what the hell just happened.

Chapter Text

A few tense seconds passed without words between them. John was floundering in his head as he tried to process a million things at once. He wanted to know if John was single? If he was John's type?

"I mean, I'm flattered, but I'm not.. I'm not gay, Meg." He heard his voice lilt, almost making the statement a question.

She didn't say anything. Just watched him for another few seconds before she pushed away from the case, crumpling the slip of paper up and shrugging, "My mistake, wasn't sure if you might be interested. I'll toss this then." She pitched the piece of paper into the waste basket under the counter.

He looked at the basket she'd tossed it in, staring for a long moment before calling out to her, "Meg!"

Her head popped back around the corner from where she dipped to the back room, "Hmm?"

"What did you tell him?" He had lowered his voice for the question, not necessarily wanting to shout it across the shop.

"Does it matter, John?" Her question was resting on the edge of playful, a feigned innocence.

She tilted her head at him in a bid to get him to challenge it. He hesitated for only a moment when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He cursed under his breath and fumbled the pastry case closed, pulling out his phone. It was Tiffany.

I'll be by tonight. Usual time.

He looked back up at Megan. Her eyes flicked to his phone and back to his face before she pursed her lips and ducked around the corner where she had been. John sat on the floor for a minute until the clatter of the bell made him jump up and head for the register.

A small afternoon rush and a quick bathroom break later, he was back up front. He finally broke, thoughts of the man unable to be wiped from the forefront of his mind, he reached for the waste basket. John was sure it was his phone number, what else would he have slipped Megan?

He didn't plan to call or anything, he would just hang onto it for.. for..

The basket was empty.

"Kyle! Did you empty this?" He held the small basket up.

"Yeah, some of us work while we're at work." Kyle grinned at him, he playfully returned it by throwing him a middle finger, kept carefully below the counter.

He tried not to let the disappointment cloud his face. Disappointment? What was he disappointed with? It wasn't like it made a difference. He was with Tiffany, kind of. Aside from that, he was straight. He was just flattered that the man asked, anyone likes a stroke of the ego.

He continued his day mechanically and by the time he was back in his flat, he was feeling optimistic. Tiffany was coming by tonight, he had picked up flowers on his way home and wanted to try to make it all up to her. He fixed one of her favorites for dinner and was just setting plates on the table when she walked in the door.

"Hey!" He greeted her, poking his head out from the kitchen and smiling at her, "I'll be right there, just setting dinner out."

He spun and grabbed the flowers, took a deep breath, and made sure his smile was as genuine as he could make it. Hoping the tension he felt wasn't winning out. He stepped into the living room and was surprised. Her eyes were soft, not the sharp, angry eyes that had looked at him the last time. She flicked them to the flowers as he held them out, previously tight lips relaxing into an easy smile as she took them.

"My favorites." She inhaled deeply into the bouquet.

"Of course, I also made dinner if you would like to join me?" He was hopeful. This was already going better than he thought it would, honestly.

He watched her hesitate for a moment before relenting, setting her bag down on the entry table where it always sat. The familiarity making his heart flip in his chest. He led her to the kitchen and they sat down at the table, folding into somewhat awkward conversation. He poured a heavy glass of wine for them both.

A little while later, the bottle was empty as well as half of a second bottle. The conversation had flowed more easily a few glasses in and by now, they were joking and laughing like old friends, empty plates before them.

She stood to clear the dishes, carrying the plates to the sink, and John decided to go all in, taking a deep breath. He came up behind her, placing his hands on her hips as he ducked his head to her neck and placed soft kisses there. She tilted her head to give him better access and sighed. He pressed his hips against her, pinning her to the counter and making his request clear.

She responded immediately, turning and kissing him deeply, breaking away to start stumbling toward the bedroom as she removed layers on the way. John followed behind her, shedding his own layers as he went, a trail of discarded clothes from both of them leading to the bed.

They fell into it together, John trying his best to hit all of the right buttons for her. After being together for as long as they had been, he knew what she liked in the bedroom. At least, he had a good idea of it. He put himself into the actions with a forced enthusiasm. It felt fake for him, but she seemed to be responding to it, either enjoying herself too much or being too tipsy to care.

It was a small miracle that by the time it came to going through with sex that he was able to perform. He figured the alcohol alone might inhibit an already tricky thing for him. Their bodies met and he closed his eyes, keeping them tightly shut as was normal for him.

Everything went fine until her voice was in his ear, asking if he was close. His hips stuttered for a second, losing the rhythm he had set in his attempt to do just that. He wasn't sure if he would be able to finish. He dreaded telling her that, but it was like he just couldn't find that tipping point. He was trying to focus and get there, wanting to be done with it more than anything.

An image that he didn't summon flashed in his mind. The man from the shop, his broad chest bare on the bed beneath John, blonde hair darkened with sweat as he-

That was all it took to knock him forcefully over the edge. He cried out as he finished, collapsing next to Tiffany on the bed, catching his breath, eyes still closed.

"Intense? You usually don't make noise like that, handsome." She rubbed his chest and planted a kiss on his shoulder.

He nodded and she chuckled, getting up to walk to the bathroom. He heard the shower start up. Good, he had a few minutes then.

What the fuck was that? It was just because he was already close to finishing. It had nothing to do with Simon. He flinched at the way his mind wrapped around the name, caressing it. He shouldn't be thinking about someone else while he was having sex with his girlfriend, let alone a man. He was straight, it didn't make any sense. Just a strange one off occurrence. The shower shut off and he forced the thoughts of those warm brown eyes from his mind.

Chapter Text

Tiffany stayed overnight, curling up next to John and falling asleep after her shower. He lie awake next to her, struggling in the silence with what happened as his eyes traced patterns in the shadows on the ceiling.

He was working in the morning and he knew he needed to sleep, but he couldn't force himself to relax enough to do so. He finally slipped carefully out from under Tiffany's arm and grabbed his phone, headed to the living room with quiet steps.

He sat on the couch, the only light coming from a lamp he dimmed as soon as he turned it on. He pulled out his phone. It was late, but Allie worked later shifts so Megan was probably still awake.

J: Hey, you up?

M: For the moment, everything okay?

J: Yeah. Tiffany is staying tonight.

M: Is that good?

J: I think so.

M: I didn't expect an uncertain answer to that.

J: Can I ask you something?

M: Always.

J: What did you tell him earlier?

There was a long pause as she typed. He was holding his breath, he honestly hadn't meant to send that, only kicking himself after he hit the button.

M: I told him that I wasn't sure what your status was. Idk if you know what your status is in my defense. He didn't know if you were into men and was nervous to ask you. I told him that I didn't know and that you wouldn't be upset either way and I could pass his number along in case.

M: Which you declined on the basis that you're not gay. So why the question?

J: idk

M: I write a novel here and that's what I get?

J: I'm not sure what to say. I've only ever dated women, Meg. I'm straight.

M: I dated men before I didn't. Not saying you've got to date the guy, but even as a lesbian, I know he's good looking. Little spooky. I dig it. Thought you might, too with the way you were staring at him was all.

J: I wasn't staring!

M: Bullshit. Have a good night, John. See you in the morning.

He dropped his head back against the couch and let out a low groan. What the hell was he doing? Simon was a good looking man. Or at least John thought so, he hadn't seen half of his face, but the half he had seen along with the rest of him wa-

Was he going down this path? Where did it lead? He just spent the evening trying to fix things with his girlfriend. His beautiful girlfriend who apparently had wanted to get married and have the picture perfect domestic life with him at one point. He only dated women, only sought out women.

Or had he? He didn't seek out Tiffany any more than he had the other women he dated. He was an attractive man, he knew that much. He usually drew at least some attention when he was out and often, they came to him. He had never really pursued someone without them approaching him first. Why was that?

He fell asleep, propped up on the couch, questions still dragging at the corners of his mind until they were lost to the darkness.

•••

Tiffany seemed a little put off that John had slept on the couch, but he tried to placate her by pointing out that his back was bothering him from unloading the truck at work that morning and the couch made it easier to sleep. She accepted the lie warily before grabbing her bag and leaving with him as he walked to work.

Megan pinned him with a stare as soon as he came out from the back, sliding the apron over his head.

"You look exhausted." It was a fair observation, he slept like shit and he was sure it showed on his face.

"Yeah, tossed and turned." He shrugged, hoping she would drop it.

She simply hummed a response and went back to the register as he took his station.

Morning rush was slower, later. Sundays were good for an all day steady crowd instead of the hard push and lull of weekdays. He ran his station, but couldn't help darting his eyes to the door every time it clattered open, dropping them back down to his task when he didn't see the figure he had been hoping for. He knew Megan was watching him throughout the day but he didn't have the energy to say anything about it.

The disappointment flooded him when he went to punch out, Simon hadn't shown today. Not that it was unexpected, he had only been there twice, albeit back to back. It wasn't like he was one of their reliable regulars.

What if he hadn't shown because of him? He had given his number to Megan and then never heard from John. Maybe he took it for a rejection and decided to go somewhere else for his tea. John's heart gave a painful twinge at the thought. He hadn't been able to salvage the number before Kyle threw it out and now what if he didn't see the man again because of it?

Did he want to see him again? Yes. The responding thought was immediate and firm. He blinked a few times, removed his apron, and walked home.

He had texted Tiffany off and on through the day. It seemed like things were alright, but she wasn't ready to come back fully at the moment, wanting to maintain some distance for now until they could figure things out was what she had told him. He would keep trying. He hadn't told his parents about her moving out temporarily, but he was sure they would be upset with him for ruining what he had with Tiff. He was pretty sure his parents were on her side as far as proposing went, anxious to have a daughter-in-law and probably grandkids shortly after. Was that really the life he wanted, though?

•••

The next two days passed in a blur. Monday held no trace of Simon either, though he continued to jump at the sound of the door every time anyway. He was off work Tuesday and Wednesday but hadn't felt like doing much aside from running some errands he needed to wrap up. Tiffany continued to talk to him and they had dinner together again Wednesday at the flat.

After they cleared the dishes, she led him to the bedroom, obviously expecting a repeat of the last time. He started strong but halfway into sex, his resolve faltered. His eyes closed tightly as he moved against her, he tried to focus on the sensations alone, hoping it would be enough to finish the job. It wasn't. She could tell.

He lost any semblance of rigidity and slipped out, taking slow deep breaths and trying to get it back as he kissed along her neck and collarbone. Working down to the swell of her breasts only made it more difficult for him to get into the right mindset.

She finally pushed him off of her.

"What the fuck, John?" She sounded exasperated. He couldn't blame her.

"I'm sorry.. I don't know what got into me. I think I'm just tired.." He trailed off, the words hollow.

"You're always tired. You're sore from work. You're stressed. You're distracted. It's always something." She was half shouting at him now, grabbing her clothes and yanking them on, "This was a fucking mistake."

She stormed out again.

He hung his head, eyes stinging with unshed tears and shame. He dragged himself to the shower, hoping it would help him relax some before he tried to sleep. He had work again tomorrow and part of him was dreading a day with the absence of Simon already.

He didn't have the energy to chase the thought away this time, letting himself think about their interactions, about him giving Megan his number for John. The flirty line he had thrown at him that day. His eyes..

He felt himself getting more worked up, looking down at his body in surprise, the soap bubbles trailing down along an unexpected occurrence. He held his breath for a beat. Wondering.

What's the worst that could happen? He very likely wouldn't see the man again. He was alone in the flat and honestly, he hadn't felt desire like this before. He gave in, tentatively reaching down and letting his thoughts go where they wanted to.

Loosely wrapping his fingers around his length, he gave himself an experimental squeeze. He was a little surprised to find himself this hard already with barely any concentrated effort. Normally it would have taken a lot of focus and stimulation for John to reach this point. He shook his head, he wouldn't think about it now, he just wanted to enjoy this new feeling.

He let his mind drift back to the stranger that had been plaguing him then. He thought of how he would look under the jacket he often wore, knowing he was well built underneath. Imagining the muscles concealed there, his defined chest under John's seeking hands, warm and firm under his touch.. Under his lips.

He shuddered, tightening his grip on himself as a sigh slipped from his throat. He leaned forward, bracing his free hand against the wall of the shower, tiles slick with steam.

Imagining Simon there with him, imagining his hand instead of John's own stroking up and down his length as their lips met, breath mingling as they panted against each other in the heat of the water.

That was all it took. John threw his head back, crying out involuntarily as he finished, covering his fingers with his release as the last pulses twitched in his hand.

He dropped his head forward, hand still braced on the wall, he breathed deeply in through his nose and out through his mouth, trying to get his heart rate back under control.

It took a few moments to gather himself but he finally turned back into the spray of the water, cleaning himself off one final time and shutting the tap off with a sigh.

Back in bed, he fell asleep quickly and deeply, the experience in the shower having worked wonders for his frazzled nerves, apparently.

For the first time in a while, he was able to sleep without dreams.

Chapter Text

"That seemed exceptionally busy for a Thursday, right? Not just me?" Kyle was cleaning up the end of the line from the absolutely massive rush they'd just dug their way out of.

Megan nodded, "Thank God I'm off tomorrow."

She sidled up next to John then, lowering her voice, "Speaking of being off work, you missed your friend yesterday."

He looked at her, confused for a second before embarrassment made him turn his head with a strangled noise. Megan chuckled at him, opening her mouth to say something when the bell over the door interrupted her. John had his back to the entrance but he saw Megan's eyes go wide before she dropped a neutral look in place.

"I'm feeling a little under the weather. Run the register for me for a minute, yeah?" She walked quickly toward the back before John could protest.

He spun around, customer service smile dropping when he met Simon's eyes over the mask. He felt his face flush bright pink, breaking eye contact and looking anywhere but at the man he had thought about in the shower last night. How in the hell was this happening to him? He could have sworn the guy wouldn't come back after not hearing from him. He was cursing himself internally as he forced the smile back.

"Earl grey, no sugar today?" He asked, false cheer in his voice trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Uh, yes, please.. And, John.." He seemed to hesitate in the statement as he handed his payment over, "I, uh.. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. When I didn't hear from you I skipped coming here but I felt like I should apologize for over step-"

"No! You didn't ma-" It was John's turn to hesitate now, "You're fine. No need to apologize, you didn't make me uncomfortable." He gave Simon a small smile.

"Good. That wasn't my intention, I'll go to another shop from here out, I just wanted to stop today to try to catch you and say I was sorry." He nodded his head, mask moving like there was a smile beneath it that didn't meet his eyes, and walked with a quick stride on his long legs to the end of the counter before John could say anything further.

He stepped down to Kyle as he finished up the tea and grabbed the cup, quickly scribbling on the side and calling it out. Simon grabbed it, a slightly confused look on his face at John being the one to hand it to him, and he walked out the door.

John was holding his breath.

"Oi! Trying to do both our jobs today, John?" Kyle asked behind him.

"Sorry 'bout that. Forgot something." John had a full smile on his face now.

"Your manners, I'd say.." Kyle grumbled as he got started on his own drink.

John walked back to the register and met Megan there. He looked at her, his gaze skeptical.

"Feeling better?" He cocked his brow at her.

"Oh, you have no idea." She was grinning like the cat that got the canary, "What did you write on there, John?"

"Mind your business!" He was laughing now with a genuine smile stuck on his features.

Megan rolled her eyes at him and shook her head, turning to take another order. He felt lighter than he had in days. He was nervous, sure, but the spur of the moment decision had felt too right to let it slip. He wasn't sure what he had gotten himself into with his little note, but he was surprised to realize that he wanted nothing more than to find out.

Work flew by after that, he was practically bouncing on his feet as he left, waving to Megan as they parted on the sidewalk out front and catching her huge grin at him as she turned away.

Closing the door to his flat, his mood deflated a bit. Seeing the scattered evidence of Tiffany still lingering across the space made his heart hurt with a sharp flash. They were still together, technically. He thought so, anyway, so what the hell was he doing with Simon?

Nothing. He hadn't done anything.

The note he wrote wasn't anything.. romantic.

Hope to see you here tomorrow!

He simply didn't want to push a customer away, was all. Especially not over something harmless. He'd feel awful if the man started going to a different shop solely because he thought John was uncomfortable when he certainly wasn't.

Quite the opposite.

He groaned at the vibration of his phone in his pocket, pulling it out to see Tiffany's name at the top only served to deepen the groan.

I'm sorting out a new place. I don't know when I'll be able to get the rest of my things out but I'll try for later this week.

He didn't bother responding, instead he flopped onto the couch, tossing his phone to the coffee table and throwing an arm over his eyes. Maybe he would just lay here for the rest of the night.

The phone vibrated a few more times. He ignored it, not feeling up for dealing with whoever it was, knowing he couldn't handle more from Tiffany at the moment without cracking.

A while passed, shadows growing long in the room with the slanting light of the setting sun. There was a knock on the door.

Great, now what?

He opened it, ready to decline whatever they were selling or preaching, but he was surprised to see Megan and Allie there. They had matching sympathetic looks on their faces.

He smiled weakly at them and opened the door wide in invitation. The women stepped in and looked around, the place was a bit of a mess. John hadn't bothered to straighten up last night and didn't have time before work this morning. There was still a path of chaos where Tiffany had whirled through, snatching handfuls of her clothes.

"It's a bit of a mess.. Sorry about that." He looked down, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Megan stepped forward, and put an arm around his shoulders and squeezed him close.

"Tiffany called me. Shocked the hell out of me, but she asked me to check on you. She told me she was moving out and I wanted to make sure you were okay." She rubbed his shoulder, gentle, reassuring pressure.

John sniffed and looked up to the ceiling, blinking away the tears threatening to spill over.

" 'M fine.. Just sucks, ya know? Thought I got it right this time." He shrugged weakly.

Megan tugged him to the couch as Allie sat down, curling her legs under her. John took a shuddering breath and let it out slowly as he settled.

"I've known you for a little while, John.. I know it isn't what you want to hear right now, but I think this was for the best." Meg paused, considering her words, "The way she looks at you, it's like you're a project, not your own person. Like she has these goals and you're just a way for her to reach them when you should be the goal."

Allie squeezed his hand, "You deserve to be happy, John. You didn't seem happy with her."

He nodded in reluctant agreement, "You're right, I guess. I thought that was just how it was, ya know? That it was hard work being in a relationship. Most women I've dated have taken off after a few weeks, couple months at most so this is all new."

"Hard times happen in love, sure, but it should never be consistently hard to be happy with the right person." Allie offered. Deep down, he knew she was right.

"Do you want to talk about the fight the other night?" Meg asked gently.

John recounted the fight that started this downhill slide for them, hoping for some clarity from a third party that he couldn't manage himself. The two women sat staring at him for a minute in silence after he finished. He was getting nervous when they glanced at each other, seeming to communicate something silently, before looking back at him.

"John.. She shouldn't be pushing you toward things you don't want." Meg was trying to hold back some of her irritation with Tiffany, he could tell from the tension in her voice.

"Getting engaged and married is just the thing you do though, right?" He huffed out a humorless laugh and ran his hand through his hair.

Allie cut in, "I don't think Meg means just that, John.. She shouldn't be pushing you for sex if it isn't something you want."

"I should want it, though.. I.. She's gorgeous.." He trailed off, protestations half hearted.

Meg just leveled a sympathetic gaze at him and patted his hand, dropping the topic for now. He was grateful, he was struggling to work through it all as it was.

"I have some boxes in the car. Would you feel better if we helped get some stuff packed up? We can turn on some music and try to get your space back to being yours."

He nodded, thankful for the help.

They spent the next couple of hours packing up Tiffany's things, the mood lifting as they went. Allie and Meg kept conversation light and joking, pulling John back up to a normal plane of existence from the pit he felt buried in hours ago.

They'd gotten most of it boxed up and shoved to a corner of the living room. There were glaring empty spaces around now, but he knew they would soon fill back in, this time returning the flat to being fully his once more. He did feel better, if a little sad at the closing of a chapter.

They all sat on the sofa after taping the last box closed, worn out. It was full dark by now, he was hesitant to even look at a clock, knowing he would hate himself for this in the morning.

"Thanks.. For everything." He gave them a genuine smile, even if it was a little small.

"No problem. Now, we should get going. It's late and you have work tomorrow. You should try to get some sleep so you can make sure you're looking your best." Meg smirked a little as she and Allie grabbed their things and headed for the door.

"The press gonna be there tomorrow and I didn't know it or something?" John laughed.

"No, but I have a feeling someone else will be there." She winked at him and pulled the door shut with a wave.

His heart fluttered a little. He hadn't had much time to think about Simon once he got home and the crashing depression took over. Would he show tomorrow? His heart gave another little thump at that.

John's mind traced back to the conversation earlier in the evening, the look Meg and Allie exchanged when he told them about the fight. The comment Allie made about it not being okay for Tiff to push for sex when he didn't want it. But, he did want it.. right?

He hadn't closely examined his sexual experiences up until now. It wasn't something that was talked about much during his sheltered Catholic upbringing. He knew the basics and he knew what he heard from his guy friends, most of which seemed always interested in sex with their partners or women they met while out at clubs and bars. He always felt his drive was a little lacking, comparatively, but he talked it up to match their energy. The words always ringing a little false in his head as he worried they could see through it.

Thinking of the handsome stranger in the shower was the closest he had ever come to that raw desire he heard others talk about. Fuck. What was he supposed to do with that? He couldn't be gay. His parents would be furious. Besides, he'd only ever dated women.

Same as Meg dating men.. Until she didn't..

The thought bubbled up, unintended but now stuck on a loop in his brain now where it stayed until sleep finally dragged him under.

Chapter Text

The alarm went off and he stared at it groggy and bleary eyed for far too long before turning it off with a groan. He debated calling in sick to work briefly before the memory of Meg's words from the night before came rushing back to him.

"No, but I have a feeling someone else will be there."

Would he show? John scribbled the note onto his cup, but what if he hadn't seen it? What if he saw it, but still stopped coming anyway?

He decided he would remain optimistic, using it as motivation to get out of bed and get a quick shower. He stepped out and decided to take a second to make sure his hair wasn't completely wild like it usually was for work. The mohawk he sported was getting just a touch shaggy and if he left it to its own devices, it turned crazy quickly. He ran some product through it so that it would dry where he wanted it, craning his neck to see as much as he could in the mirror over the sink.

He grabbed a tee from the closet, one that he typically didn't wear for work, it was a shallow v neck, black, and just the barest hint of too tight on him but it showed off his arms that he worked hard for. He second guessed everything for a moment, hesitating with his hand on the door knob of the flat, feeling silly about the effort.

Why was he worried about what he looked like? Did he really plan on actually talking with Simon today if he came in? Maybe he would give Simon his number and leave it up to him. After all, he could have changed his mind about John by now.

He looked at the time and realized he didn't have a choice but to run to work as he was, knowing he would barely scrape in on time.

•••

Morning rush always sucked a little worse without Megan there. He did well on register, that never bothered him, but joking with her passed the day faster and he could use the distraction. Nervous energy had him struggling to stand still. Mr. Price walked by and John grabbed him to see if he would cover the till while John ran to the restroom. He closed the door and before he thought better of it, took out his phone and snapped a photo of himself in the mirror, sending it off to Megan.

J: Do I look my best?

M: I'm screaming! Very handsome. Even with the apron.

J: I think this awful blue is my color, thank you.

M: Rush should be about over, shouldn't you be out front? Don't want to miss anything.

She was right. He hurried up and double checked himself in the mirror. He was nervous. He took a steadying breath and stepped back out to the front. Simon was walking to the counter as John made his way up behind Mr. Price.

His manager looked up at the man approaching, "What can I get for you?"

John interrupted, stepping to the side of the register, "Earl Grey, no sugar." He flashed a smile at the masked man across the counter.

Mr. Price stared at John for a second, eyes flicking between the two, hearing no protest from the customer, he scribbled on the cup and handed it to John.

Simon paid and walked to the end of the counter, throwing a quick look back over his shoulder at John.

"Mr. Price, any way that I can take my break now? Rush should be over for the time being. Only take about ten minutes?" He nearly batted his eyelashes at the man.

"Sure, kid. That a friend of yours?" He nodded toward Simon.

"Yeah, kind of." He wasn't sure what to say to that, but figured his response was good enough for the time being.

"No problem." Mr. Price shrugged and started taking the next order.

John took the cup to Kyle and turned to Simon, "If you want to have a seat, I'll bring it out to ya."

"Okay.. thank you." Simon sounded a little unsure but stepped toward one of the far tables, sitting with his back to the counter as always.

"The hell was that?" Kyle asked, starting on the tea.

"Nothing. Just ah.. just want to stretch my legs." John tried to pass it off.

Kyle scoffed at him as he snapped the lid into place and handed it to him, "Mhm. I bet." As John rounded the counter, Kyle called out, just barely too low to carry to the far side of the room, "Looking awfully nice for a day at work, John."

He stumbled a little, feeling the blush rise up on his face at the statement. He set the cup down in front of Simon who turned his eyes- His gorgeous brown eyes -to him. They seemed a little tight.

"Mind if I take a seat?" John asked, hopeful, nerves skipping rope across his body.

"You won't get in trouble, will you?" The deep voice asked. John felt his hands starting to tremble a little as he shook his head.

"I've got a bit of a break if you don't mind the company." He gave him a lopsided, awkward grin, shifting his eyes.

"Please." Simon gestured to the empty chair across from him.

He pulled the chair out and sat, bringing his hands together in his lap, the tremble had turned to a full blown shake by now and he was gripping his fingers together tightly in a bid to stop it. His foot started to shake instead, bouncing his knee. Christ he was a wreck.

"I got your note." Simon offered, flicking his eyes at John before looking down at the cup in front of him, "I was nervous coming in today, to be honest."

"Why's that?" John's voice was wavering, he cleared his throat, trying to get it under control.

"After.. After I gave the woman at the counter my number, I thought you.. rejected me? I guess? Then when I came to apologize, I saw the note you left me and I wasn't entirely sure what to make of it." He shrugged his wide shoulders, his hands wrapping around the cup before him, tracing patterns there with his thumb.

Now was the time. He had to make a decision. He had been lamenting over this for days now and he didn't know if he could live with himself if he let the opportunity slip away.

He could just tell him that he didn't want him to feel like he had to quit coming there because of John and that John would remain professional and.. and he knew that wasn't the reason he left the note. Deep down, he couldn't deny that he felt something here. Something that he had never considered. Something that he was taught was forbidden and that he couldn't let himself feel.

Now or never.

"I really wanted to see you again. I missed you the couple of days you skipped.." John dragged his eyes up to Simon's, hoping he still felt the same.

He saw the flush creep up beyond the top edge of the mask that obscured his face.

"I wasn't sure I was your.. type." Simon trailed off, raising an eyebrow at him in question.

John gave a little nervous laugh, "Can I be honest? I wasn't sure until I spent the last few days looking up every time that bell above the door rings, waiting to see you walk in."

They shared a moment of silence, but John was pretty sure Simon was smiling under the mask again and it made his heart flip in his chest to think of what his smile looked like.

"Are you sure now?" Simon's voice was low, a soothing rasp to it that made John's knees weak.

"I'd like to find out. If you're okay with that?" The question was hopeful but tentative.

He didn't want to mislead the man with false bravado. He honestly wasn't sure what he was feeling or going through, but he wanted to explore it if Simon was willing to take that chance. The silence stretched between them again for a moment, a small crease forming between Simon's eyebrows. John was sure he would decline, he started to stand up to walk away and the man reached out a hand and laid it on his forearm. It felt like there was an electric current passing between them at the contact, John shivered and had to make a conscious effort to stay upright.

Simon's eyes crinkled up in a hidden smile, "I'd like that.."

"John! I've got some calls to make, breaks over!" Mr. Price called to him from the register.

John groaned and waved acknowledgement at his boss, never pulling his eyes from the man seated in front of him.

"I'll.. I'll uh, see you tomorrow?" John asked as Simon stood to leave.

"Absolutely." He dropped his hand from John's arm, grabbed his tea, and turned to stroll outside, stopping to give him a quick wave as the door closed behind him.

Bleedin' Jesus. He blew out a long breath.

He made his way around the counter and thanked his boss for the early break, resuming his work with his heart racing in his chest and a smile that felt permanently affixed to his face.

•••

As soon as he punched out, he stepped outside and unlocked his phone. There were messages from Megan backed up.

M: You better text me when he shows up. I need to know his reaction.

M: I need to know your reaction.

M: Please tell me he was there.

M: I should have worked today, then you couldn't ignore me.

M: You've never not touched your phone this long.

M: I'm dying here! Give me something!

J: You have got to get it together, Meg

M: I can feel you laughing through that message. How did it go?!

He gave up and called her. It was too much to type out and he knew she would just hassle him for every minute detail. He went over it with her on the phone on his walk home and as he guessed, she was adamant about details. Wanting to know about facial expressions and word for word exchanges.

"Facial expressions are tricky, Meg. Haven't seen him without the mask yet." He laughed a little at the realization.

"Seriously? He didn't take it off while you talked?"

"Nope. Come to think of it, I've never seen him drink the tea, either." He mused as he walked.

"Well that's interesting. I wonder why. Think he's coming in just for you and the tea is an excuse?"

"Seems like an oddly specific order for that, don't ya think? Hey, let me get back with you later. I'm going to swing to the shop and pick up some things." He hung up with Meg as he entered the market.

He hadn't baked in a while, having lost the desire when Tiffany dismissed his efforts, but he had gotten an idea and he wanted to try it.

Chapter Text

He got up early and packed up the results of his baking last night. He had a box made up for Meg to take home to Allie as well as a communal box for everyone else that he worked with. He figured he owed Meg and Allie for their gentle nudge to him when it came to this whole situation. He packed the smallest box last, situating the two prettiest of the desserts together in the parchment liner.

He wanted to make sure he had plenty of time to get himself ready as well, not sure of whether or not he had ever put this much effort into his appearance for work two days in a row and laughing a little at himself for it.

He gathered the boxes up and packed them into a paper bag to carry to the shop. He got there earlier than he probably ever had, even beating Megan for the first time. He was setting the communal box out in their small break area when she walked in and stopped in her tracks.

"MacTavish. What do we have here?" Her eyes were sparkling as she gazed at the box, already reaching for it before even setting her keys down.

He knew she loved when he baked. He used to do it far more often but that was before Tif-

Nope. Not today. He hadn't given his now-ex much more than a passing thought since packing up her things and he wasn't about to let the thought of her bring him down now.

"Fern cakes. Ma's recipe. Made a special box up just for you and Allie." He pointed to the labeled box in the corner of the counter top.

"Marry me, John. We can run away and be happy." She was already stuffing the tart into her face and closing her eyes in bliss.

John laughed, "I feel like Allie might have something to say about that."

They were walking to the front together, John tugging his apron strings into a rough knot as Meg finished the cake and groaned in satisfaction.

"So what made you want to bake last night? Wouldn't be a certain blonde gentleman would it?" She bounced her eyebrows ridiculously at him, drawing another laugh from him.

"I wanted to see if I can get him to drop the mask. Figure I'll take my break and give him this," He tapped the smaller box tucked under his station, "See if he will try it while we talk."

"You're making my heart melt." She placed her hands over her own heart, key ring for the shop dangling from her fingers.

"Go unlock the damn doors before the boss has both our asses!" He threw a balled up napkin at her with a laugh.

Minutes after opening, a familiar face walked through the door. It wasn't the face John had been waiting for, however. Tiffany walked straight for him and he flicked his eyes to Megan. She was busy with a customer at the till, but threw him a sympathetic glance.

"John! I tried calling you last night. I was worried and then I went to the flat this morning and you were gone. I thought you were supposed to be off today." She sounded irritated.

"I switched shifts. Is there something you need from me, Tiffany? I'm working." A few closer patrons had glanced their way by now, trying to peek and listen in without being obvious.

She huffed, "We need to talk."

He continued with his work as she stalked up and down the counter to stay in front of wherever he was, "Not now, Tiff. I can't do this here. I'll call you when I'm off?"

She stared at him for a long moment. "Fine." Before she turned and stormed off, her shoulder brushing against the person who had been standing back a bit in line.

Fuck. It was Simon and he was staring at John now. He very likely heard the whole exchange if he'd been there for it. Another glance at Megan told him that she noticed as well. Simon made his way to the till.

"I don't remember the order like John does," She threw a sly smirk at him as he worked, "So you'll have to have pity on me and tell me."

He rattled the order off for her, a tightness in his voice, eyes furtively glancing at John. He held out the payment and Meg shook her head.

"On the house."

He tried to protest, but she shook her head at him and pointed to the far end of the pastry case, refusing to budge. He waited at the pickup counter, shifting around on his feet, he seemed more restless than usual. John tried to hurry and wrap up what he was doing, but they were right in the start of rush. Simon had showed up early today of all days.

He looked up again, and he was gone. He saw the back of him through the front window as he walked down the sidewalk away from the shop and he felt nausea claw its way to his throat. He blinked hard, eyes finding the box under the counter and frowned at it. So much for that.

It was a while before rush passed, he and Megan not having a chance to talk in any semblance of privacy about what happened until late in the morning.

"What the hell was that? Why was she here?" She sounded as surprised as John had been.

"Beats me, but it looked like Simon heard the whole damn thing." He rubbed his eyes with his palms.

"It'll work out. Do you still want to patch things up with Tiffany?" She was trying to be fair in the situation and for how many times he had tried to force it to work with Tiff, he understood why she asked.

"Patch what up? She said she was moving out. Getting her own place. Doesn't sound like there is anything to patch up." He was flustered as he cleaned up his station in the brief lull.

"Not what I asked, John." She leveled a gaze at him.

He sighed heavily, "No. I don't want to. I thought I did, but.. Things feel different now. I don't think I can stay with her."

She put a hand on his shoulder to slow him down, "She said she was moving out, but she hasn't yet. Have you really talked to her and told her it's over in no uncertain words? Because her attitude today makes me wonder if she sees it differently."

He shook his head and shrugged, tense, "I haven't. I didn't realize I should. Never been the one calling it quits before."

"My advice is to call her when you get out of here. See if she can come get her stuff and make it clear that there's nothing else to talk about after today. Yeah?" She patted him where her hand was on his shoulder.

He nodded at her, blinking away frustrated tears that had started to creep in on him.

They finished out the shift, the box he had tucked under the counter seeming to mock him. God, he hoped he hadn't ruined things with Simon already before he had a chance to figure it all of this, whatever this was, out.

He punched out and started home, calling Tiffany and asking her to meet him at the flat so they could talk. Might as well get it over with.

•••

She walked into the flat using her key. He'd have to make sure to get that back once she got her things out. He had been perched on the edge of the sofa, waiting for her.

"John. What the hell is this?" She gestured toward the boxes in the corner, "I saw it this morning when I came by."

"What do you mean? You said you were getting a different place and moving out, Tiff. What was I supposed to do? The girls came and helped me pack up some of your stuff." Was she really surprised by it? She had been the one to tell him she was leaving.

She stared at him for a few moments in silence before she crossed the room and grabbed his face, pushing him back against the sofa and coming up onto his lap before she pinned him with a kiss.

He froze with surprise, hands outstretched at his sides, eyes wide as her lips moved on his without reciprocation.

He finally broke through the shock and pushed against her shoulders to break her face from his as he stared at her.

"What the fuck is that, Tiffany?" He shot out, irritated now.

"I wasn't serious, John! Fuck! I just wanted to try to push you so you would put some effort in and maybe commit!" She was still straddling his lap, hands resting on his chest now.

"That's fucked up. I'm not doing this with yo-" He was interrupted by her head snapping to his phone screen as it lit up.

He had dropped it onto the cushion next to him when she pushed him and it was now lying face up where she could see the notification from an unsaved number cross the screen.

I got your number on the cup today. Earl Grey, no sugar. Can we chat?

She froze where she sat. Hell, he froze. John hadn't put his number on the cup. He hadn't even taken Simon's order today.

Megan. She knew Simon had witnessed Tiffany throwing a fit and probably wanted to give him at least a chance at recovery if Simon was willing. His heart simultaneously flipped in his chest at the fact that Simon was willing to talk to him after witnessing that disaster and at the fact that Tiffany had just read that message and he could see the rage in her face, contorting her features.

Bloody hell.

"You gave your number to some girl at work?" She was absolutely seething now.

She stood up abruptly, pacing. She darted for his phone and he got it first, standing and slipping it into his pocket. She reached for it again and he stepped back, putting a hand out to stop her.

"Tiff. We aren't doing this. I didn't give my number to a girl at work." He watched her warily as she continued to pace.

"Sure looks like it, John! I'm not fucking stupid. Have you been fucking other people? Is that why you haven't wanted to fuck me?" She was getting louder now and he didn't love the thought of a scene with the neighbors.

"Calm down, that's not what this is." He blew out an exasperated breath, "Look, we're done here. I can't do whatever this is anymore. Most of your stuff is already packed. Once you find a new place, come grab it and we can be done, yeah?"

Her eyes were red rimmed and starting to overflow now, "That's it then?"

"We aren't happy, Tiff. I.. I can't give you what you want." He could hear the defeated edge in his voice.

She stared at him for a long minute, tears still falling before she turned and left the flat. The slamming door echoing in the space around him. He sat back on the couch with groan.

His phone vibrated again.

Sincerely hoping I didn't misread the number now and send my coffee shop order to a random person..

He couldn't help a light, watery laugh that escaped him.

J: Right number! Sorry, had a lot happening for a bit

S: I could tell. Can I ask something?

J: Of course

S: The woman at the shop today.. Ongoing?

J: No. Recent ex.

S: How recent?

John hesitated. He didn't want to lie, but this felt like a big conversation to hold over text.

J: It's a bit complicated. Can I ask you to dinner to explain?

His heart was hammering in his chest. This wasn't quite how he wanted to initiate a date with Simon, but then again, he hadn't planned on the man texting him in the middle of dealing with Tiffany, either. Might have to send flowers to Meg for this lifeline.

It had been a few minutes now with no response from Simon and he was starting to worry that he'd scared him off when the phone vibrated again.

S: Don't fancy being a novelty to be honest

J: Never.

S: Not much on dinner right off. What time is your shift over tomorrow?

J: Out at 4 most Sundays

S: See you then?

J: Please

He had some time. Tomorrow was his later start so he decided to dip to the gym to burn off some of the buzzing energy making him fidget. The dichotomy of emotions was making him dizzy. Hurt, sadness, confusion, questioning, elation, excitement.. He couldn't hang on to any one for more than a short while before it was overshadowed by another at random.

The workout helped calm him down some and clear his mind. After an hour of going hard at his workout he had sweat pouring off of him. He went back up to the flat and showered off. Too exhausted now to focus on much of anything aside from eating half cold leftovers and crawling into bed, thankful for the later alarm.

Chapter Text

"You look.. beat, honestly. How was it? I wanted to call and check in but thought you might want the time alone." Megan was looking at him with concern in her eyes, brow tense.

"Well, it's over. Apparently she had been.. I don't know, bluffing about the new place? She tried to kiss me. We got into it but got interrupted by a well timed text.." He trailed off and looked at her pointedly.

Megan grimaced, "I hoped he would contact you, but I didn't anticipate it would be in the middle of a shit storm. Sorry about that."

"I appreciate you looking out, Meg, really. I didn't know you put my number on there. Took me by surprise, in a good way." He gave her a small smile.

"How good?" She couldn't contain the grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.

John sighed and finished getting everything ready for the day, "He's coming by today at the end of the shift to talk. He seems wary after yesterday but I can't say that I blame him. I asked him to dinner, but he declined."

He saw her eyes flick down under the counter where the pastry box had been sitting yesterday.

"Nah, don't bother. Handed them off to Kyle yesterday before I went home. Didn't figure I'd be seeing Simon again any time soon." He shrugged.

•••

The day seemed to drag on forever. It didn't help that John was looking at the clock every few minutes in anticipation. He was nervous about seeing Simon, wondering if he would believe him when he explained the situation with Tiffany. He could understand why Simon was hesitant to become involved in what could be seen as a rather messy situation.

That wasn't even factoring in the risk that came along with entering into something with a person who was newly exploring this side of themselves. Uncertain of where it would lead or develop into.

Eventually the clock rolled to 4 and he glanced around, not seeing Simon in the shop. He quickly darted to the back to punch out, grabbing his things and hanging up his apron. He checked the front again and Simon still wasn't there. He felt himself shrink a little. Meg gave him a quick hug and murmured some kind of a sympathetic apology before she left. He stood next to the counter for another couple of minutes and then gave up, stepping out through the side door.

"Was starting to wonder if you were working late." The voice rolled over him, heavy and enticing.

He turned to see Simon seated in one of the heavy metal chairs cocked at an angle to the small table against the building. Of course it had been one of the tables he couldn't see unless he was standing in a specific area near the pickup counter.

"Hey, sorry about that. I was waiting for you inside for a few minutes. Started to think you might have changed your mind." He shuffled a little uncomfortably under the gaze of the man, simultaneously intimidated and excited by the intensity there.

"Never. Sit?" He gestured to the chair opposite him.

John sat down, pausing to form his words before he started, "I.. I want to apologize. Yesterday was.. a lot." He swallowed and went on, Simon's eyes watching him closely above the mask, "My girlfriend and I had been in a rough patch for a long while, she moved out recently. Rather, there was some apparent miscommunication when she stayed with a friend for a bit. That all came to a head yesterday. All is sorted, but it was a bit of a mess for minute. I'm sorry."

The words all fell from him in a rush, tripping over each other in a bid to be heard. Simon remained silent, turning his gaze to the street and watching traffic for a few moments.

"But you're not together anymore?" He questioned, voice even.

"Absolutely not." John tried to keep it as short and to the point as possible.

More silence from the man. John was starting to notice the shaking in his hands again, twisting his fingers together and casting his eyes to his lap. He felt his nerves on fire, heart pounding and palms sweating.

"So based on the girlfriend I'm assuming you're not gay, then?" The question was quiet, Simon was still looking to the street.

"If I can be honest, I'm uh, not sure? This is new to me." He wanted to be honest with him, even if it may have ruined his chances.

Simon just hummed a response, finger tapping the table top in no discernable rhythm as he watched the cars pull slowly by.

John felt like he was going to be sick. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his head as he squeezed his eyes shut. He'd messed this whole thing up. His entire life had now been turned upside dow-

A hand rested over his where his fingers were cutting circulation off of one another. His eyes snapped open, taking in Simon's hand on top of his two, his thumb rubbing lightly against John's knuckles, soothing him and making him relax his death grip.

"You know.. I stopped into this shop on a whim that first day. One of the better decisions that I've made in a while, I think." His voice was low, soft as it washed over John, making him subconsciously shift toward Simon slightly.

He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath until now, "And the tea kept you coming back, I assume?" He gave a weak chuckle at his attempted joke.

Simon made a noise like a snort under the mask, "Bloody hell, no! The kid at the end of the line steeps it too long. It's always too bitter."

He laughed at that and shook his head, "Add some sugar in and it won't be so bitter." He turned one of his hands palm to palm with Simon's, their fingers naturally finding one another and interlacing. He felt like the skin was on fire where they touched in the most intoxicating way.

"Nah, second day when you finished the sentence I couldn't change it on you. Honestly would have agreed with anything you said at that point." Simon gave his hand a small squeeze.

He turned his face up to look at him, "Why's that?" The question was a little breathless in anticipation of the answer.

Simon's eyes held his, intense in the stare, "I was lost in those beautiful gray eyes, same as the first day, same as now. That's why I kept coming back, wanted to see what was behind them."

John felt the blush rush over him and he turned his face away again, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself.

Simon chuckled, the sound was deep and sweet, making John shiver. He'd never felt like this with anyone in his past. Not on any first date across the table at dinner, not on any doorstep at the end of the night for a kiss, not any instance of fumbling hands and lips in the dark. Not with Tiffany in the year or more that they were together.

This was new. This was something.

Simon's voice broke into the silence, interrupting the thoughts, "I hate to do it, but I have to get going. I honestly wasn't sure how this was going to go, kind of assumed worse." His brow scrunched a little, like he was grimacing, "I've got a thing I have to do for work."

John nodded, a little too stiff and stood up, dropping Simon's hand from his and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He was wrong then, maybe it was all one sided and Simon was just trying to get out of this. He should have known. The man was stunning, not that John wasn't good looking, but he also had baggage and uncertai-

He felt arms around his shoulders, his head against a broad chest. He could feel Simon's heart racing under his cheek as he was pulled tight to him. Felt the fabric of the mask brush against his hair, strong arms encircling him.

He stiffened at first and then melted into it, bringing his hands from his pockets to wrap around Simon's waist, feeling the hard muscle under skin wherever he touched, bringing another shiver to him.

They stood like that for a moment in silence before Simon spoke again, " 'M not running off on ya. Just have a meeting I had to push until after I talked to you. Can I see you again?"

The words were barely over a whisper, slightly muffled by the mask and his hair where Simon had his face buried.

John nodded his head, "I would love that."

•••

He made it back home before he called Meg and gave her a rundown of what happened after he left the shop.

"So how did you feel when he held your hand? Oh, god! It's like secondary school, I'm dying!"

"Shut up," He laughed, "It felt.. nice. That sounds stupid, I guess."

He was preparing dinner, washing and chopping vegetables as he talked.

"Not stupid at all. I remember the first time I kissed a girl. I was in my early twenties and couldn't stand kissing my boyfriend at the time. Blake, ugh, poor fellow. I got tipsy with some friends one night, Olivia and I kissed. Didn't realize I'd had a crush on her until that moment. It was like someone handing me a pair of glasses after I'd been forcing myself to squint at everything my whole life."

John took a moment to respond, sliding the potatoes into the bowl next to him, carefully choosing his words, "Meg, when I told you about the trouble I'd been having with Tiff.. Did you.. know then?"

"I guessed. I knew you and her weren't great together, but until that night I wasn't aware of details like that. Between that and the way you were with Simon, I wondered. Reminded me of myself."

He sighed heavily into the phone.

"You okay?"

"Yeah.. just a lot to try to navigate. I've never entertained the idea. Never thought it was an option." He tossed the potatoes with the seasonings he chose.

"John.. I love you dearly, even if you're dense sometimes. It isn't really an option. Think that's where your troubles came from, handsome."

He grew silent and still. He knew that, but for some reason never considered it applying to himself. On thinking about it, he remembered a select few moments in his life, thoughts that would flash in his mind about a man he passed being good looking or admiring someone's physique in the gym. An accidental brush of skin in PE or a moment shared with one of his guy friends in school that made his pulse quicken. He always chalked it up to basic human observation and bodily reaction. Shoving it down quickly before he had a chance to examine it further.

"Well.. Shit, Meg. Wish I'd known that years ago." He chuckled a little, sliding the pan of potatoes into the oven to roast.

"Just glad I can help now, sweetness. So when is the date?"

"Uh.. Not sure actually. I didn't want to bother him during his meeting. I was waiting for him to conta-" He felt the phone vibrate and pulled it back to look at the notification, "Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Just texted me." His huge smile was coloring the words.

"Oh my God! Hang up and talk to him! Let me know how it goes. You've got this!"

He laughed and hung up the call, opening Simon's message.

S: This meeting will be the death of me.

J: Missed me already?

S: Always. What are you up to? Hopefully something more exciting.

J: Making dinner. Talking to some handsome guy.

S: Handsome guy, huh? What's for dinner?

J: Tall, blonde, dreamy, mysterious. Roast chicken and rosemary potatoes.

S: He sounds like a tosser. Dinner sounds delicious. I'm jealous.

J: Of the man or of the meal?

S: Both.

J: Come have dinner then.

S: I could do that. Wrapping up here now if you'll have me.

Shit! He had been kidding. A little cheeky, flirty nonsense. He didn't anticipate Simon taking him seriously. They hadn't been on a proper date yet so was it appropriate to have him in his flat so soon? He didn't want to seem too forward, too eager. What if Simon expected more than just dinner out of the evening? His knees weakened at the thought before he could stop it.

However, the thought of Simon here in his space, eating food he prepared as they got to know each other was so enticing.

S: Didn't mean anything by it. No worries if not, I'm a patient man.

J: That makes one of us. I'll send you the address.

He sent him the information and immediately got to work on finishing the salad he had gotten sidetracked from. He always made plenty of food when he cooked so that he could have leftovers through the week. It was paying off now with a last minute dinner guest. He finished up the salad before the next message came in.

S: About 10 minutes out. Wine drinker?

J: I like the cheap stuff that doesn't taste like wine if that counts

S: Atrocious. I'll be there soon.

Johnny checked everything one last time before running to straighten up the flat, lighting a couple of candles across the living room to soften the space and refolding the throw blankets to drape over the back of the sofa. He half slid to the closet and threw on a decent outfit, a casual dark gray button down shirt and his nice pair of dark jeans that flattered him the most. He quickly ran a hand through his hair and looked himself over. Good enough.

He checked his watch before he set about making up plates, being more careful about presentation than he would have been had he been eating alone. He set the table and dimmed the light above the table to a soft glow, turning on some soft music right as he heard the quiet knock on the door.

His heart was in his throat as he walked to the entry, he was making himself take slow breaths to try to calm it down but he was so anxious by now that he doubted anything shy of military grade sedatives would help.

He grabbed the door knob and opened it.

Chapter Text

Holy shit.

Simon had changed since he'd seen him at the shop in his usual jeans and hooded jumper. He was wearing a dark, textured sport coat open over a lightweight v-neck sweater, the collar of a lighter colored button down peeking over the top. The jeans he wore with it were nearly black and hugged him in all the right spots. The same printed mask was still neatly in place over his mouth and nose.

John realized he had been standing in the doorway, mouth slightly dropped open in silence as he stared at Simon for what was probably an uncomfortable length of time.

"The wine is too nice, isn't it? I knew it." Simon had an eyebrow raised in amusement as he turned the label toward John.

He laughed, shaking out of the stupor he'd been trapped in and opened the door wider, gesturing for Simon to enter.

"Hush! Come in, come in. I'm sorry, was just shocked by how gorgeous you look." He felt his face flush at giving the complement, using the opportunity to close the door to try to will it under control.

"Have I been all that bad looking up til now, John?" Simon's back was to him as he took in the living room, waiting for John, but he heard the smile that would lift his eyes anyway.

John had latched the door and was coming around behind Simon now, giving his own nervous laugh, "You always look good. Never can stop staring when you come in. I hate rotating the pastry case, but I make an exception when you're there."

Simon gave a low chuckle at that looked around the room once more, "Lovely place. I appreciate the invitation."

"Of course! Sorry, here, let me show you around." He shook his head, trying to focus as he led Simon to show him the hall that led to the bathroom and bedroom before coming back out to the main area.

"And the kitchen is through here," He gestured for Simon to enter first, following behind him, "Let me grab glasses for that."

He opened a cabinet, selecting two wine glasses. He turned and nearly collided with Simon who had come up behind him.

"Oh! S-sorry!" John stammered out as he jumped a little.

Simon simply leaned around him to set the bottle on the counter, their arms barely brushing and making John tense up. After he set the bottle down, he reached to take the glasses from John, holding eye contact the whole time. There was a short circuit in his brain somewhere as he froze, eyes tracing what he could see of Simon's face, having to tilt his head back slightly to do so.

"You seem tense, John.." His deep voice was nearly a whisper in the close proximity.

"Just.. just ah.." He couldn't make himself form a sentence to save his life right now.

"Have a seat, I'll get this. Opener?" He had stepped back, giving John room to get to the table.

"Top drawer on the left. Thank you." He took his seat and sipped the water he had there, trying to clear whatever fog had come over him.

He'd never been this nervous on a date before. Was that what this was? A date? It was dinner after all. There was wine. They both seemed to be somewhat dressed up. The dawning realization that he was likely on what counted as his first date with a man hit him. He was nervous, but it was a good nervous. An excitement more than the dread filled nerves he was used to experiencing on dates.

He watched Simon opening the wine bottle, observing the way his body moved with confident, efficient movements in the unfamiliar space. He poured the two glasses and left the bottle on the counter, returning to the table and placing one in front of John.

"Hopefully you like it. It isn't the most expensive bottle, but it does taste like wine." He gave a little laugh in reference to John's earlier statement about cheap wine.

He shrugged out of his jacket, draping it on the back of the chair before taking his seat. John felt his face start to flush again so he took a sip from the glass.

"Surprisingly not bad." He shrugged, looking at Simon.

Simon's eyes lifted, "Good, maybe I'll be able to convert you to decent wine, yet."

John waited, Simon was still wearing the mask and he was interested to see it come off. He already knew the man was a beauty, but it was curious that he wore it all the time and hadn't taken it off in the flat yet.

Simon seemed to read John's thoughts and sighed. He reached up, looping his fingers into the mask and tugging it off before folding it and placing it into the pocket of his coat behind him.

John stared, mouth dropping open once again. For the first time, Simon seemed slightly uncomfortable. The confident and self assured air about him having sagged just a little. His eyes shifted around for a second.

"I, uh.. I know I'm not.." Simon started but John interrupted him.

"Bleedin' Jesus if anything negative comes out of you right now I'll throw a fit. Hells bells, Simon you're stunning." He was breathless as he said it.

He meant every bit of it. He was a beautiful man, his jaw and chin were sharply defined and graced with a light blonde dusting of stubble, his nose was technically perfect aside from a slight divergence, maybe an old break that hadn't set quite right. It only added to the interest in his features for John.

He saw now why he might have worn the mask, however. He had a sizeable scar from under his eye that cut down, bisecting his lips and curving toward the center of his chin. It looked long healed, but prominent, dominating his features briefly. His otherwise perfectly proportioned, pink lips were slightly marred where the interruption was, giving the left side of his mouth the barest hint of a downturn.

John could feel the uncontrollable grin spreading his features as he looked on him across the table. He shook his head in disbelief.

"Thank you for letting me see you. I've been dying to since that first day." He was still smiling like an idiot.

"Not having regrets?" Simon asked, anxious but obviously trying to play it off with a light hearted tone as he began to fidget with the napkin in his lap.

"Oh, far from it, Simon. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, just find you beautiful is all." He flashed him a smile as he started in on his own plate of food, hoping to ease Simon into being comfortable enough to try his.

John knew he was a good cook and he lucked out in having made the chicken for tonight, it was one of his best recipes, especially paired with the crispy roasted potatoes. He tried to watch Simon's first bites without staring.

"My God. You made this?" Simon had finished chewing and was staring at John now with disbelief.

He chuckled and nodded, "I did. Do you like it?"

"You are incredible and I am lucky. Handsome and an absolutely phenomenal cook. I am impressed." He was digging back into the plate with enthusiasm as John beamed back at him under the praise.

They continued to eat, making small talk in the early part of the meal, gradually relaxing into one another's presence, the wine helping John's nerves tremendously as he finally loosened up.

By the time they were finished, empty plates in front of them, Simon finally reached out, his hand curling around the fingers of John's on top of the table. The touch was warm, firm and made his head swim. Simon stood and leaned over, bringing John's hand up slightly, barely brushing his lips across his knuckles. He met his eyes before he set his hand back down and grabbed their plates, walking them to the sink.

"Leave them. I'll get it in the morning. I'm off work anyway." John waved Simon off as he carried the wine glasses over and leaned against the counter by the sink.

"I don't mind washing up. Especially since you cooked for me." Simon laughed easily.

"Was cooking anyway. Just got lucky with company. Leave it." John risked a glance at him now, heat flushing his face in what he was sure was a deep pink, "We've still got a bit of wine to finish off.. If you're not in a hurry, of course."

Simon held his gaze for a second, mouth turning up in a lopsided grin, "I've got all night."

He grabbed the glasses from John and leaned around him again, swiping the bottle from the counter, winking at him as he strolled casually through the doorway to the living room.

The blush on John's face had gone from a deep pink to a bright red as he stood there, leaned on the counter and feeling his stomach give a little flip. He tried to catch his breath, finally getting enough control to walk into the living room.

Simon was seated on the couch, leaning forward to pour two more glasses for them before setting the bottle gently down on the table. This glass was a bit more full than the first. John took a seat and picked his up, looking pointedly at it and then back to Simon.

"Trying to get me drunk?" He asked, teasing.

"Wouldn't want that." Simon laughed, "Just finishing off the bottle."

"So," Simon leaned back against the couch, crossing one ankle over the other knee and resting his arm along the sofa back, "First time having dinner with a lad then?"

John shifted where he sat, turning his body toward Simon, bringing one knee up onto the sofa cushion, "Yeah, I guess so." He gave Simon a shy smile at the admission.

"The verdict?" He raised an eyebrow over his wine glass as he sipped.

"I'm having a great time with you. Is it too eager to say best date this early on? Hell with it, best date." He shrugged and laughed.

Simon's eyes darkened a bit, a delicious grin taking shape on his face, "Night isn't over yet, gorgeous."

John nearly choked on the mouthful of wine he had, expending conscious effort to swallow it down.

"I.. uh, I-" John started, eyes darting everywhere but at Simon's. His hand had a bit of a tremble back, the surface of the wine rippling lightly in the glass.

Simon reached out to John's free hand and held it until John finally met his eyes. The look in them was serious, sincere, his brow creased with the smallest hint of concern.

"John, nothing will happen that you don't want to happen, yeah? I didn't come here with any intentions other than to share a meal and get to talk to you. Whenever you're ready to call it a night, I'll leave, no worries." His voice had lost the teasing tone that their banter usually seemed to contain. He never broke eye contact, wanting John to know he meant every word.

John swallowed thickly and nodded. He gave Simon a weak smile, "Thank you. I'm sorry.. I-"

"Nothing to apologize for. I know what the situation is. I wanted to come here tonight to see you. Nothing more. I've been where you are and I get it. It's not a race, John. You're allowed to take whatever time you need." He squeezed his hand, tracing patterns on the back of it with his thumb, a gentle and reassuring pressure.

The silence they fell into was comfortable, the music softly playing in the background, candles flickering around the space. They each sipped their wine, which John was starting to feel the effect of. Not enough to be drunk, but enough to make him sink further into the couch, able to finally release the tension in his shoulders and back.

Simon finally broke the silence, "Tell me more about how your number wound up on my cup that day, I'm a very curious man."

John laughed, "Meg. The girl at the register. I apparently owe her big time for that little stunt. We've been best friends since I started there a while back. She and her wife are amazing people." He shrugged, "She kind of helped me.. Realize some things. She definitely nudged me in the right direction when it came to you."

"Apparently I'm in her debt as well." Simon drained the last of his glass and leaned toward John to set it on the table.

He wasn't sure what took over him, but he leaned forward and intercepted Simon before he set the glass down, closing his eyes and pressing his lips to Simon's.

He was a little off center, a little clumsy in the initial execution. He felt Simon freeze and tense for a second, caught off guard before he started to relax, bringing his free hand up to John's face, his warm palm coming to rest on his jaw, fingers splayed toward the back of his neck.

John shivered. His heart was beating nearly out of his chest with the adrenaline, the shake in his hands starting back up. He wasn't sure what to do with his unoccupied hand, it fluttered in the space between the two men before Simon took his own from his face and grabbed it, bringing John's hand to rest flat on his chest over his heart. John felt the rapid pounding beneath it. He wasn't the only one feeling the effect, apparently.

Simon seemed content to continue as they were, lips moving against one another in small motions, reserved. He was letting John set the pace. He tentatively parted his mouth, sliding his tongue along Simon's bottom lip, asking.

He met John's energy, parting his own lips as their tongues met, a slow and languid exploration of each other. John could taste the wine on him, a faint hint of rosemary lingered beneath it. He sighed into Simon's mouth, fingers curling against his chest as he leaned closer still.

Neither one of them heard the key turning in the door, the sound muffled under the music and the soft noises they were making against each other.

"John? What the fuck is this?!" Her voice sharp and piercing in the soft, flickering light of the room.

Chapter Text

John pulled abruptly away from him at the shout, head turning to look at Tiffany as she stood frozen in the entryway, clutching her bag with shaking hands and glaring at them.

He looked back at Simon who had angled his face away from her, eyes tight and focused on a distant wall, jaw clenched as he swallowed, obviously uncomfortable.

Shit! The mask!

John jumped up and rounded the couch with quick strides to the kitchen to grab Simon's jacket where the mask was tucked away. He snatched the jacket, pulling the mask free as he heard Tiffany starting again. She'd apparently found her voice once more after the initial shock.

"What the hell is going on here, John?" Her voice wasn't quite shouting this time, but it was raised slightly with anger, the words hard.

He came back into the room, not even sparing a glance her way, immediately focused on Simon as he handed him the mask, stepping between him and Tiffany where her eyes were burning holes into him to give him as much privacy as he could to slip it on.

Simon's eyes touched John's, filled with concern and thanks simultaneously as he pulled it up over his nose. John backed off from the sofa so Simon could stand and grab his jacket.

"I'm so sorry.." John trailed off, voice soft and hurt as he held Simon's eyes as long as he could.

Simon gave a quick shake of the head, pulling his jacket on, "Are you going to be okay?" He flicked his eyes toward Tiffany who was nearly vibrating with rage now as she took in the scene around the apartment.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't-" He started, voice quiet, unsure of how to handle this before Tiffany blew up entirely.

Simon shook his head again, eyes softening above the mask and walked to the door, softly shutting it behind him as he left the flat.

John stood, back to the door and Tiffany, facing the now empty space on the sofa where he had been kissing Simon just moments ago. His shoulders had fallen, head dipping. He turned to face Tiffany, ready to get this over with.

"Why the fuck are you here, Tiff?" He asked, all patience with her at an end.

"I came to try to talk to you, John! I didn't think I would walk in on.. on.. whatever that was!" She was red in the face and flustered. He hadn't seen her quite this angry before.

"We have nothing to talk about! We broke up! Aside from you getting your things out of the flat, there is no reason for you to be here. Especially at this hour." He flopped back onto the couch, running a hand through his hair. He couldn't deal with this right now.

"You aren't even going to acknowledge that you had your tongue down some man's throat on our couch?" Her pitch was getting more erratic.

John sighed heavily, "Yeah, Tiff.. I did. What about it?"

She threw her hands up, "What about it? How long have you been fucking men, John? Why don't we start there?"

"I wasn't fucking him, Tiffany." He wanted her to leave, he felt sick to his stomach.

He hadn't even had time to process what had gone on with Simon tonight for himself, let alone time to prepare a damn statement for his ex about it. Jesus.

"You expect me to believe that?" She glared at him, "That's why you couldn't keep it up the other night, isn't it? Because you're fucking gay? Jesus Christ, John!" The words were sharp and cutting.

His brittle patience had shattered, "I fucking am! I'm gay! Are you happy now, Tiffany?"

He felt tears stinging his eyes as they spilled over at last. His breath hitched on the beginning of a sob. It was the first time he'd admitted to it fully. The first time he'd said it out loud. Why did it have to be in this moment? The words felt right, but he hated her for dragging them out of him. He hated himself for crying in front of her.

She stared at him, warring emotions on her face. He almost thought there was an undercurrent of regret beneath the absolute venom there. She stood with her mouth open like she was searching for words.

"Get out. Just get out, please." He wanted the words to be firm, but they were weak, pleading. He had nothing left.

She turned and left. Door closing more softly than he expected.

He sat in the stillness, the music played in the background. The candles still flickered. The wine glasses sat empty on the table before him, smudges from their lips on the rims.

He curled in on himself where he sat and sobbed.

•••

He'd laid on the couch and cried with great wracking heaves that left his chest sore, his eyes dry and swollen. Finally he had gone to bed after blowing out the candles, leaving the rest of the remnants of the night he shared with Simon as they sat, not able to tackle any of it yet.

He couldn't sleep on the sofa, thinking of Simon when he tried. He hated sleeping in the bed, thinking of Tiffany as he lie down there. He stared at the ceiling and sighed, pressing his palms to his eyes, willing a new batch of tears away.

He'd finally admitted it to himself, and unfortunately to Tiffany in the same breath, and he wasn't sure how to feel.

He groaned. He wanted to say something to Simon, send him an apology, but he was afraid to. He was working on the assumption that Simon was probably going to be done with him after this, and understandably so. They had what John thought was a great night until his ex had to burst through the door.

She'd seen him without his mask and John hated that, he could tell that Simon was intensely private when it came to his face and he felt like he was responsible for the betrayal of the trust he had given John. He tried to at least salvage that for the man before he left.

His phone vibrated next to him.

M: Did you talk to him??

M: You never called back. I need details.

John stared at the messages, debating whether he should respond or not. He didn't have the energy to tackle it right now but he knew she wouldn't leave it be if he ignored it. He tapped out a quick message.

J: Long story. Not the best night. I'm going to try to sleep, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

M: Are you okay? Can I do anything?

J: I'll be fine. Thanks, Meg.

He rolled over and shut his eyes, willing sleep to come until it finally dragged him under.

•••

He didn't have an alarm set since he was off work today. He'd slept late, the sun streaming in through the edges of the curtain and making him squint. His eyes felt like sandpaper, no doubt from crying himself out last night. He groaned at the thought of last night, feeling sick to his stomach, head throbbing. The latter was likely thanks to the combination of wine and tears.

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, sighing at the red splotches all over his face, dark circles showing stark against his skin. He took some meds for his headache and cranked the shower. He needed to clean up the flat still and wanted to try to wash away the remnants of last night from himself first.

The water helped soothe the weariness that wrapped around him, softening the edges of it. After the shower, he got dressed in casual clothes and started to the living room.

It took a while since he decided to clean the whole flat after he got the dishes squared away. It gave him something to keep his hands busy while he thought over last night.

He should reach out to Simon to apologize today. He still felt horrible for how the evening ended and even if he and Simon never saw each other again, he wanted him to know how sorry he was for everything.

John still hadn't figured out how to deal with Tiffany. He needed to get the damn key back from her, needed to get her stuff out of the flat so she didn't have an excuse to come back. He didn't feel like he could talk to her now, though. Not without losing his temper, anyway.

Anger still flared in him when he thought of her dragging the admission from him. He felt like he'd been backed into a corner and he had no way out. He hated her for it. This wasn't something he'd done to hurt her or ruin her life. John was having his own identity crisis in this that he was navigating and at the time of the admission, he was still trying to learn about it himself, that was now slightly tainted for him.

He hadn't wanted to tell her. Hadn't even admitted it fully to himself yet. He pictured coming to terms with it on his own and deciding who and when to tell. Knowing that she would likely do that for him made his stomach roll.

He couldn't focus on it all day. He would make himself breakfa-

A knock at the door. Sharp and quick followed by retreating footsteps. He opened it cautiously.

Flowers. There was a vase nestled in a cardboard box on the mat outside the door. He brought it inside quickly.

Probably Meg and Allie. He smiled weakly at the thought of them sending him flowers after a bad night. They were gorgeous, the arrangement was a bit over the top, a lot of greenery and bright splashes of color in the assortment. The vase was a tall number, satin black. They really overdid it, he hadn't expected this, especially with Meg having almost no information on what went down las-

He had flipped the attached card open.

I'm so sorry if I made things worse for you.. That was never my intent.

-Simon

His heart thumped painfully in his chest. Simon was apologizing to him? His eyes pricked again with emotion. If he survived this week with the workout he was giving his heart, it would be a miracle.

He called Simon's number, holding his breath as the line rang.

"Didn't expect to hear your voice this morning, but hope springs eternal."

John paused for a moment as he processed the statement and let out a light laugh, "Well, that's a hell of a 'Good Morning' if I ever heard one."

"I aim to please."

"You certainly do. The flowers are beautiful. Why did you send them? I'm the one who owes you an apology." He was flipping the card nervously in his fingers now.

"You hardly owe me an apology. I'm not sure what your favorites are, so I tried to go for a little of everything."

"Ach! Quit trying to change the subject." He was fully smiling now.

"Humor me."

He thought for a few seconds, "No one's ever asked. Or gotten me flowers for that matter."

"Ugh, date better partners, John."

He let out a full laugh now, "Well, I was trying to last night and we saw how that went."

"I'm sorry. Truly. Are you okay?"

"Fine, just unfortunate that we got interrupted. I was thinking I wouldn't hear from you again. Figured it scared you off." He was starting to get fidgety again, pacing the floor of the flat.

"After the night we had up until that point, I won't scare off that easy."

John could hear the smile over the phone. He wondered if he was wearing his mask now. He knew Simon mostly worked from home from their conversation over dinner. That he put in a few office hours as needed a week, but much of it was done at a small home office. He was curious if he wore the mask at all when he was by himself, or if he let it drop in private.

"So, can I assume that I'll get to see you again?" John couldn't help the eager and hopeful tone that saturated the question.

"Oh, absolutely. Are you working tomorrow?"

"I'm not, but I'm going to try to sort out the problem of those moving boxes between now and then." He sighed, not loving the fact that even now, Tiffany was tainting the conversation.

"If there's anything I can do, let me know. I hope it goes as easily as it can."

He appreciated the sincerity in Simon's words, "I will. I'm going to pop off here and give Megan a ring. Have a good day with work, handsome."

"It will be much better now. Don't go bragging too much about me, gorgeous."

John heard the chuckle on the other end of the line as Simon ended the call.

He was.. giddy. It was the only word he could think of to fit his absolutely buoyant mood. He decided to text Meg and ask her to lunch instead of calling. He sent the message and went to get dressed, even if she couldn't make it he would have to go run a few errands today anyway.

She sent him back the name of a place down the street that they frequented and he headed out the door.

Chapter Text

"Wow. That's.." Meg started but trailed off.

"Yeah." John had just given her and Allie the rundown of the previous night while they waited for their food to arrive.

Allie blew out a breath as they grew silent, each reflecting for a moment.

"Tell you what, I'll give her a call and tell her she needs to get it all out of the flat tomorrow. Allie and I can be the ones there while she moves everything if you trust us with it. I don't want you to have to be around her if you don't want to be." Megan offered.

John thanked the waitress as she set their plates down, he mulled it over, "Would that be alright? I don't want to put you out."

Allie shook her head at him and scoffed, "We're offering. Why don't you see if Simon is busy tomorrow? Maybe the two of you can try the date again, without interruption this time."

John thought about it, slowly chewing his food. He wanted to say yes. He didn't think he could stomach seeing Tiffany for that long while she moved her stuff out. Meg and Allie were throwing him a huge lifeline with the offer. Being able to see Simon would be an added bonus.

"Make sure to get the damn keys back, yeah? I'll text Simon." He smiled at them, grateful.

"Aw! Yes!" Allie was nearly bouncing in her seat, "Message him now! I want to know what he says."

John rolled his eyes and slid his phone out.

J: Hey, are you working tomorrow?

S: I have the option of not working. What's up?

J: Would you be interested in a day date, maybe?

S: John, you have me kicking my feet like a school girl.

J: Will you answer the damn question? Lol

S: Absolutely I would be interested. Did you have anything specific in mind?

J: Um, something that might take up a good piece of the day? Assuming you don't get tired of me, of course.

S: I could never. Staying out of the house while she moves things?

J: Yeah, Allie and Meg offered to take over so I can get out for a bit.

S: Hmm.. I certainly owe them now if I get you for the whole day. Would you want to swing by my place? I'm not as good of a cook, but we can order in and relax, see where the day takes us.

J: No crazy ex that will bust in, I assume?

S: None that I can anticipate. I'll send the address. Swing by any time, I'll be up early. Try to relax today.

Meg and Allie both were beaming at him as he relayed the messages, almost more excited than he was.

"Tell him that I like flowers, too, if he's on a kick." Meg laughed.

They finished the meal and parted ways so that John could wrap up some more errands before he went home.

He was glad he cleaned up before he left, coming home to the space reset from the chaos of last night made him feel better. Knowing that he would get to spend the day with Simon tomorrow only adding to it.

He would get to see Simon's flat and the thought had his mind trapped. He didn't imagine the man invited too many people back. Their conversations the previous night indicated that he was very private and kept to himself much of the time.

The more pressing thought that was attached to the concept of seeing Simon's flat, was knowing that they would have an entire day together. Privately. Without fear of interruption. It made John wonder what may have happened last night if Tiffany hadn't burst in on them.

Would he have gone further? He hadn't put much thought into it, but now that he was home and had nothing else pressing, he could explore it.

He had kissed Simon on impulse when he moved in close. He hadn't even realized what he was doing until the momentum was going. The feeling when their lips met had taken his breath away. John had kissed plenty of girls, often allowing them to make the first move when he failed to do so. Nothing had prepared him for the rush of heat that coiled in his stomach, the pleasure sparking in his brain. The taste of Simon's lips and tongue had him making soft sounds that he didn't conjure, that he'd never made before.

The ache between his legs, now sharp and persistent, brought him to the present. He got up from where he had been seated on the sofa, turning off the TV he'd had on for background noise and walked to the bedroom.

He had toyed with these thoughts once in the shower before he had really interacted much with Simon, but he wanted to revisit the experience with the recent changes both in his and Simon's situation, and in his own sense of self.

He lie back on top of the neatly made bed in his sweats and tee he'd changed into when he got home. He had time, he wouldn't get in a rush. He crossed his arms behind his head and closed his eyes.

He thought of Simon. The moment he took his mask off at the table, seeing his face fully for the first time. A smile crept to his mouth as he remembered kissing his soft lips. Feeling the warmth of Simon's chest under his hand, the pounding rhythm of his heart beneath the firm muscles there.

His hips involuntarily pressed up from the mattress, seeking friction as he drew in a sharp breath.

He moved a hand down to palm himself through his joggers, dragging another quick breath in at the pressure. He squeezed lightly, imagining how it would feel if it were Simon's hand on him as they lay in bed together. His long fingers trailing up over the fabric to the hem of his shirt, sliding beneath it to rub across the skin of his abdomen, teasing. His hand sliding beneath the material to wrap around John's length, skin to skin. He exhaled a soft sigh as he slipped his hand around himself, tightening his grip as his hips jerked up again.

Shit. He might not be able to take as much time as he thought. He felt the slick moisture forming at his tip as he stroked, already worked up just thinking about Simon's lips on his, his hand touching him.

He thought about how it would feel to slip his own hand down Simon's bare chest before gripping him the same way he was holding himself now. He was a big man, John assumed the same would be true for his endowment. His hips twitched again at that thought, letting out a low moan with the movement.

He had been stroking slowly, but could already feel that he was close. He imagined how it would feel as they lay side by side, drawing whatever noises they could from one another, their hands working in tandem on each other's bodies. He couldn't slow the momentum now, his hips flexed up again in quick motions, driving himself into his tightened fist two.. three times..

He finished with a low growl on the fourth, covering himself and the shirt he hadn't pulled far enough out of the way with his release.

He dropped his head back to the pillow, breathing hard, unable to imagine moving for a moment as the after shocks made their way through him.

After a few minutes, he dragged himself up, carefully stripping out of his clothes and getting cleaned up.

S: It's getting late and I'm getting ready to turn in. Is it clingy if I tell you goodnight?

J: Now who's kicking their feet?

S: I'll need photographic evidence.

John assumed he was making a joke and he could have laughed it off, but he decided to one up him anyway. He was redressed in clean gray sweats and and a white tee, he lay on his stomach on the bed, bringing his feet up behind him and angling the phone to capture the exaggerated pose. Before he second guessed it, he sent it off. There were a few tense moments once it sent that he wasn't sure how it would be received.

S: Bloody hell, John. Your ass looks amazing in those. Bet the front looks much the same.

J: Interested in my ass, are ya?

S: I'm interested in all of you.

J: Hmm..

The flirty conversation had John half hard again, he gave himself a couple of gentle rubs over his sweatpants to get himself to fill out just a little more before he lay on his back, pressing with his hand to show most of the outline of himself in the material before he snapped another quick photo and sent it to Simon.

J: Since you're interested in all of me..

S: Jesus wept, John. There's no way that's all you.

J: Get some sleep, Simon. I'll bring breakfast.

He set his phone down and went to lock up for the night. He should probably get to bed as well, anticipating a somewhat early start in the morning. Megan and Allie would show up around 7 to chat and go over what all Tiffany was taking. She was due to show at 8, so John wanted to be out well before that. He had already packed up grocery bags in the fridge with the supplies he would need for tomorrow. He had everything loaded up to make Simon breakfast at his place, wanting to be able to cook for him again.

He flicked the light off and was out.

•••

The alarm went off and for once, John popped wide awake, usually groaning and peeling his eyes open slowly. The excitement of today had him ready to go right off. He straightened up one more time before getting himself ready, buttoning his shirt in the mirror when his phone went off.

S: Wear or bring something we could go out in, just in case the mood strikes, but also wear or bring something comfortable.

S: Those gray sweats from last night would be perfect.. Still thinking about those.

J: Thinking about them or what was under them?

S: Mind out of the gutter, John ;)

J: Cheeky bastard.

He was smiling as he grabbed a backpack he used for overnighters, stuffing in those exact sweats and a clean tee, some socks he liked to walk the flat in, and his toothbrush kit. Never know.

He briefly wondered if he should have grabbed condoms from the shop yesterday and then flushed deep red. Christ. They hadn't even gotten remotely that far yet. Did he want to go that far?

Yes.

It was an immediate mental answer. He hadn't really considered it from a logistical standpoint until now, planning on taking it slow meant he didn't want to try to jump ahead too far mentally.

Who would be..? How would they work it out? He felt a sudden wave of nervous energy wash over him. The thought was honestly intimidating. He had struggled with women in the past and despite his recently discovered interests in self pleasure, he worried about whether it would translate to a partner. To Simon. Would he have the same challenges when it came to sleeping together that he had with Tiffany? He started fidgeting with the strap of his bag while he mulled it over for a second.

Not important. He was sure they wouldn't be going that far today in any case. He knew he wanted to kiss him again, desperately, and he knew they had gotten a little spicy with their flirty messages last night, but it didn't mean Simon was ready to finish the deal entirely. They could work it out later when the time came.

For now, he dropped the thought, he wanted to get the last of his things ready to go before Meg and Allie showed up.

•••

"It's no big deal, Kyle. I've got it." John dropped the tea bag into the hot water and glanced at the clock, noting the time.

He'd stopped in at the shop to pick up a coffee for himself and a tea for Simon. He slipped behind the counter to make both drinks, much to Kyle's amusement.

"Hmm.. Never knew you drank tea, John. Thought you hated it, in fact." He mused as John checked the clock again, pulling the teabag out and snapping the lid on.

"Trying all sorts of new things lately." He shrugged and grinned as he started on his own coffee.

"Interesting. Earl Grey, was it?" Kyle's eyes were narrowed. John could see him struggling to suppress a smile.

"Sure is." He finished his coffee, snapping the lid onto it and grabbing both before walking out, throwing over his shoulder as he left, "No sugar."

He heard Kyle chuckle as the door swung closed.

•••

He could do this. He could do this. He was standing in front of the door of Simon's flat, clutching the cups, bags slung over his arms. He felt his heart racing already and he hadn't even touched the door yet. He took a deep breath, shifting the coffee so he could knock and raised his hand.

Chapter Text

"My God you're.. Carrying a lot of shit." Simon stared for a second at John as he stood in the open door. He was wearing navy colored loose pajama pants that hung low on his hips, a black long-sleeved tee with it.

"Aye. Wanna let me in so I can set it down?" John laughed as his eyes traveled over Simon's frame, taking note of the lack of mask covering his face.

Simon stepped to the side and held his hands out, tugging some of the bags free and grabbing the cup off the top where John had them precariously balanced one on the other. He turned it to see the logo as he led John toward the kitchen.

"Stopped by work on an off day? You look stunning, by the way. What I wanted to say when I opened the door. Didn't realize you were moving in, though." His eyebrow perked up with the joke, mouth twisting into a lopsided grin.

"Hush! I did stop by work, didn't realize how close it was to your place. I made you a tea. I'm sure you can guess. And I'm not moving in, I brought everything to fix you breakfast." John was unpacking items from the bags onto the counters as he talked, watching Simon's eyes scan the contents.

"You aren't kidding. You didn't have to do all of this, I didn't mind ordering in." He came up next to John, grabbing his hand and pulling it up for a series of small kisses on his knuckles.

John flushed and gave him a shy smile, "I love to cook for people. I can't help it. Besides, if we hang out late enough, I'll let you order in for lunch."

Simon's gaze traveled the short distance from his eyes to his lips and back up, "Oh, I cleared my schedule so we are on your time, gorgeous. Whatever you want."

John leaned in just slightly, his own eyes flicking to Simon's mouth and back up as he moved, wondering if Simon would kiss him.

Simon moved in closer and John stepped back, bumping into the island counter behind him. He leaned forward and planted a hand on the counter on either side of John's hips, bringing their faces closer together. He tilted his head, they were near enough that John could smell the remnants of toothpaste on his breath.

"Can I kiss you?" Simon asked, barely above a whisper.

"God, please." John breathed out.

Their lips met, it wasn't as clumsy this time, more prepared. Simon was gentle in his movements, chaste. He held their lips together for a few seconds before breaking away and stepping back.

"Tell me what you need me to do." Simon gestured to the ingredients spread out before him.

John stared at him for a second and shook his head, grinning. "Hand me that pan."

•••

John walked Simon through a few things to help with breakfast. They worked together in the kitchen well, John was surprised at that since it always seemed stressful with Tiffany under foot in their kitchen at the flat. Simon was good in a kitchen, just didn't do much cooking for himself and it made John's delegations much easier.

They talked as they worked, discussing movies and TV shows, pet peeves at work, plans for the week, and all of the usual mundane topics that spill a person's being before you piece by piece.

They finally had everything done and plated, setting the table and sitting down at last.

John took in the room. Simon had given him a quick tour. It was a modern building with an open plan so the living, dining, and kitchen were all sort of together in one space. Contrary to the dark colors Simon seemed to favor in his clothing, much of the furnishings and accents in his home were pale colors. An oatmeal sofa with soft blue throws and a plush white rug in the living room. The bathroom had pale sage green and white tiles with matching towels hanging perfectly folded. The kitchen was mostly cream with brushed brass fittings. It was a beautiful place.

John gestured as he swallowed a bite, "And you complimented my flat."

"Your place is lovely, of course I would complement it." Simon looked at him quizzically.

"I'm just sayi-" John cut off abruptly, "Simon, do you have a cat?"

"Ah, I didn't know if he would come out while you were here or not. Not allergic, I hope?" Simon sounded very nonchalant about the fact that John had been here for quite a bit of time by now to have only just now seen a white cat streak by as it darted for new cover.

John shook his head in response to Simon's question.

"I adopted him a couple of years ago. He's extremely shy, not a big fan of people, but he loves me. Just takes him time to open up. His name is 'Ghost' because he stalks around the place like a damn wraith." Simon smiled at the expression on John's face.

"I hope to meet him eventually." He was smiling. He loved pets but Tiffany wasn't a fan so he had never bothered.

"You know? I've never had a man cook two absolutely amazing meals for me back to back." Simon glanced at him as he cleared the now empty plates.

"Ugh, date better partners, Simon." John smirked at him, using the same line Simon had used on him.

He followed behind with their empty cups from the morning. Simon rolled his eyes at John's joke and loaded the dishwasher, straightening the last of the mess in the kitchen quickly.

"Alright, do you want to go out or do you want to stay in? Because one of us is going to have to change. I feel horribly underdressed with you looking like that while I'm still in my pajamas." Simon grabbed both of John's hands in his as he waited for the answer.

John refrained from telling Simon that he would love to see him more underdressed. Instead opting for comfort himself.

"I feel silly asking, but can we cuddle on the sofa? I'd like to relax a bit with you if that's okay." John felt shy in the request.

"Never a silly question. I'd love nothing more than to cuddle with you." He leaned forward and kissed John on the forehead.

He felt his knees go weak at the gesture. He'd never been kissed on the forehead before and never would have guessed it would melt his heart so easily. He stared up at Simon, eyes soft.

"My bedroom is down the hall at the end, go get changed." Simon reached around the counter and handed him his bag.

John flushed and furtively glanced down the hall, dropping his eyes.

"Bathroom is on the right if you'd rather that. Not trying to trick you into bed, sweetheart. I'll wait out here." Simon ran his hand gently down the side of John's face and gave him a smile before going to sit on the couch.

John walked to the hall and made his decision, he went to the bathroom to change, deciding that he would wait to see Simon's bedroom until they wound up there. If they wound up there. The door had been closed when Simon showed him around and he had gestured to it without opening it. John didn't think his now jittering nerves could handle being in there right now.

He changed quickly and brushed his teeth, glad he had packed his toothbrush since he'd had coffee. He checked himself in the mirror again. He was wearing the same thing he wore in the photos last night, a soft white v neck and the gray sweats. He pulled socks on and set everything else with his bag in the corner. A deep breath.

"How someone can look that sinful in joggers is beyond me. Ugh, it's a gift. Come sit." Simon gestured to the spot on the enormous sofa next to him as John walked into the living room.

He blushed and padded to the couch, taking a seat a couple of feet from Simon, twisting his hands together in his lap and dropping his gaze to them. He was full on nervous now. They were both dressed down, in a flat alone together, no risk of interruption, and now John was sat next to this stunning man on the couch. He started to take deep breaths without realizing it until he felt Simon reach out and put his hand on John's shoulder closest to him.

"John.. Can you look at me?" His voice was gentle.

John looked up, brow furrowed, biting his lip. It was a nervous habit he had never been able to shake.

"Same rules as the other night. Nothing happens without your say so. We are just spending time together, however you want to spend it. No expectations. If you want to sit on the far side from me, that's fine, I won't be bothered. We can watch a movie or take a nap or talk or whatever you'd like, yeah?" He pulled his hand away from John and moved it to rest on the back of the couch as he waited.

"I'm sorry I'm so damn nervous. I felt mostly fine until now. I just.. I don't know." He dropped his head again.

"Never apologize for the way you're feeling, John. It's valid. This is new to you. Take your time. I never want you to feel like you can't ask for what you want or need whether it's more or less, yeah?" He tipped John's face toward him with a finger under his chin.

"Yeah." John nodded weakly, pausing for a minute as he tried to form his next request, "I want more. I just don't know how much more if that makes sense."

"Absolutely. Let's start here, I'll put a movie on," Simon shifted to sit angled in the corner of the sectional, grabbing a throw from the back of the couch, "and you can sit next to me here. We can cuddle if you'd like. That okay?"

John nodded and shifted to lean against Simon's side, tucked under his arm where it was on the back of the sofa, John pulled his legs up under himself, pressing against Simon's thigh. He snaked an arm around Simon's back and hesitated with the other one. Simon grabbed his hand and placed it on his chest before reaching for the blanket again, snapping it open over them and letting it drape across their laps as the movie started. John was still a little tense but the feeling was rapidly dissipating with the radiating heat of Simon next to him, his steady heart beat, his rhythmic breaths.

Simon dropped his arm down and wrapped it around John's shoulder, pulling him in close. He felt Simon lean his head down, lips brushing the hair at the top of his head before he planted a kiss there. John smiled hugely and wiggled closer, pulling his knees up, half into Simon's lap.

He felt Simon's chest rumble with the quiet chuckle that left his throat and his fingers involuntarily tightened on Simon's stomach where it rested. He felt the intake of breath under him with the action, the brief pause, then Simon slowly exhaling, controlled.

Interesting.

They sat like that for half of whatever movie was playing. John couldn't have named the title to save his life. He'd barely paid any attention to what was going on outside of the bubble he was in with Simon. Finally, John's desire and curiosity won out.

He started rubbing his hand lightly from Simon's stomach to his chest and back down, making a looping path, aiming for absent-minded and hoping he was succeeding. He noticed Simon's breathing change, but just barely. He stretched the loop just a touch lower, grazing the top of the waist band of the sleep pants he wore. He felt Simon slowly growing more tense where he leaned on him.

He glanced over and saw Simon's other hand gripped tightly to the arm of the couch.

John knew this was what he wanted, this was what he'd been fantasizing about. He needed to let go. Trust himself and trust Simon.

He ended the slow loop he'd been making by reaching down to the hem of Simon's shirt and brushing his fingers against the bare skin there, briefly.

Simon sighed heavily. His hand dug tighter into the couch as John made the same pass again before asking, "Can I?" His fingertips barely under the edge of the shirt Simon wore.

"You can do whatever you would like, I'll tell you if somethings not okay. All at your pace, darling." He said the words through a clenched jaw, trying to maintain control.

John slipped his hand under Simon's shirt then, bringing it across the span of his stomach before traveling up to his chest and the definition there between his pecs. He grazed the hand to the side, sweeping across a nipple that was starting to stiffen.

Simon sucked in a breath and gave a hoarse whispered, "Bloody hell.."

John felt himself swelling under his joggers, he glanced down to Simon's lap but the blanket obscured his sight. Simon must have read his mind, reaching down to tug the blanket away, tossing it to the floor. John pushed back from him, sitting upright next to him now.

"You're lying." John was glancing from Simon's lap to his face and back.

Simon gave him a breathy chuckle, "I would never."

He could see the outline of Simon straining against the loose material and his mouth popped open. Simon watched him, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

"Simon.. I.. I'm not sure how that i-" John started, stumbling on the words.

Simon leaned forward, and kissed John, cutting off the sentence before he pulled away to ask, "How do you feel?"

John thought about it for a second, "Good. Really good."

Simon smiled against his lips and kissed him again, "We can just do this for a while if it feels good. No rush."

He nodded quickly, "Yes, please."

John gathered his courage and put his hands on Simon's shoulders now, gently urging him back against the couch, legs out on the cushions in front of him as John came up onto his knees, one on either side of Simon's leg. He leaned up, kissing Simon, opening his mouth to lick Simon's bottom lip. He met the energy, tasting John back, their tongues slowly mapping one another's mouths.

Simon brought his hands up to rest on John's hips, making him let out a low groan between panting breaths, his hips rocking forward with a mind of their own. He met resistance against Simon's heavily muscled thigh and shuddered hard, losing his balance and falling onto Simon's chest.

"Hmm.. I'm guessing that was a good feeling?" He smiled at John, a wicked curve of the lip.

John felt a low moan claw out of his throat as he nodded frantically.

"Let's see if we can get you to make more of those delicious noises, gorgeous." He practically purred against John's lips as he shifted his thigh back up and pressed it between John's legs again.

His hands scrambled, grabbing for purchase wherever he could find it as he whimpered at the sensation, driving his hips towards it again. Simon's hands grabbed his hips and lifted him with surprising ease, making him gasp, he deposited him back down squarely between Simon's legs, they had slid down the couch by now, lying horizontal.

"This okay?" Simon was breathing heavily, fingers squeezing and releasing on John's hips.

John nodded, "Oh, fuck, Simon, yes.."

They were hip to hip, the still sheathed outline of each of them pressed side by side. John rolled his hips against Simon, feeling the friction, the gentle abrasive edge of the fabric, the firm shape he'd been dreaming about. He grunted and rolled again, finding a rhythm against the man below him as they frantically kissed.

His breathing got more jagged, and suddenly, Simon grabbed his hips and held him still. John whined a little at the loss of sensation.

Simon was breathless himself as he laughed, "You can say no, you can always say no. But I would love to taste you if you'll let me. I want to make you feel good.. Take care of you." He kissed down along John's neck as he waited for the answer.

John only debated for a moment before he gasped out his enthusiastic yes. He had never felt like this. Never been hard to the point of near pain before, desperate for a release due to overwhelming pleasure instead of the urge to simply be done with something.

"Do you want this here or in the bedroom?" Simon continued to kiss across his neck and collarbone, punctuating the question with a gentle bite along his shoulder.

"Bed.. Please.." He struggled to get the words out, his head was spinning with the heat and pleasure of the moment.

Simon wrapped an arm around him, sitting up as John's legs folded around his waist. He started to unwrap them to stand and Simon grabbed his thigh, hitching him up higher as he stood, carrying him easily down the hall to the bedroom.

Chapter Text

Simon's lips barely left the skin along John's collarbone and neck until they reached the door to the bedroom. He adjusted slightly to swing the door open and stepped through.

He took the few strides to the bed before gently laying John on top of the dark duvet and coming back to stand next to the bed.

John smiled up at him, "Never been carried before."

Simon rolled his eyes and smiled at him as he grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head, tossing it to the floor.

"Fucking hell.." John whispered, voice rough as he stared.

Simon came to rest over him on the bed, planting kisses along his jaw to his neck, alternating soft presses and gentle nipping bites. John brought his hands up to Simon's back, dragging his fingertips along his shoulders, tracing the muscles as they moved beneath his skin.

John finally pushed against Simon, giving himself room to wiggle out of his own shirt, desperate to feel Simon's skin against his. Heat burned low in his hips as his hands moved back to explore Simon's body.

He felt a hand traveling down on his bare abdomen, reaching the top of his sweats. Simon curled his fingers into the waistband there, backing off to watch John's eyes.

"Can I?" He asked in a huff.

John nodded, hands grabbing at the sheets next to him.

"Ah, ah, love.. I need words." The statement was soft but the need in it bled through.

"Yes, yes.." John panted out, eyes on Simon as he gripped the material and wiggled it down John's hips, finally freeing him to the chill of the room.

"Jesus wept, John.." Simon growled as he watched John's length slip out, tip already wet with arousal.

John gave him a breathless chuckle, "Think you said that before."

Simon smiled climbed back over top of John's body, kissing him fully, tongues dancing against one another while he brought his hand down to John's hip. He squeezed there before starting to slowly, deliberately trail his hand inward. John breathed hard against his mouth in the anticipation.

He felt fingers wrap around him at last, a loose grip, skating across him briefly. Testing. He moaned low and deep, bringing his hips up to chase the retreating touch.

He could feel Simon's lips curl up into a smile against his mouth as he tightened his grip on him, getting the hint. He gave John an experimental pump with his fist, drawing another primal sound from his throat. He stroked up the length, giving him a light squeeze once he reached the tip, spreading the slick moisture back down along him, finding an easy rhythm.

John's hips came up off the bed and he bit at Simon's bottom lip with a growl. His breaths coming faster, more erratic.

Simon leaned to whisper in his ear, "You seem close, love. Are you?"

John whimpered under his touch, hands tangling in the sheets, "Yes.. fuck! I.. I'm s-sorry."

Simon let go of him, a disappointed sound leaving John's lips, "No apologies, handsome. Do you want to finish like this or do you want a little more?" He danced his fingers along John's hip while he decided.

"More?" John asked, still shy despite the desire flooding through him.

Simon growled his approval and slid down John's body, planting open mouthed kisses along the way, down his chest and across the skin over his stomach. He got to his hip and bit lightly into him there, making John twitch into the feeling.

He brought his mouth to the base of him, another wet, open mouthed kiss planted on him. John hissed in a breath at the feeling, bringing a hand up to tangle into his own hair, a picture of near exasperation.

Simon flattened his tongue and licked from the place he had just kissed all the way up, flicking lightly at the sensitive spot just under the head. John was murmuring a near constant stream of soft moans dotted with expletives said beneath his breath.

A hand wrapped around the base of him, steadying. John looked down and met Simon's eyes as he parted his lips and slowly sank down, taking the tip of him in, sweeping his tongue around in a quick motion as he did. John couldn't have stopped the cry that left his throat if he wanted to. His hips jerked, instinctual, seeking. Simon flicked his tongue against him one more time before dropping further, taking more of him into his mouth as he found a rhythm.

John felt like he couldn't breathe. The hot, wet feeling of the mouth and tongue wrapped around him, the look in Simon's dark eyes with his pupils blown wide in desire as he sank onto John's length, the build up to this moment. He had never been at risk of finishing this quickly with anyone, but it was like every nerve ending in his body was buzzing with the sensations.

He knew it wouldn't be long like this and after just a couple of minutes, he felt the coil wrapping tighter and tighter. His hands twisted into the duvet, pulling against it as his hips thrust up.

"Fuck, Simon! I.. I'm almost there!" He knew it wasn't much of a warning, but he tried.

Simon didn't let up, just hummed against him, the vibration rolling through John where he sat in the back of his throat.

That was all it took. John thrust up one more time, back bowing from the bed as he shouted out his release, feeling Simon's tongue work to draw him in, swallowing down around him. His vision was hazy, throat hoarse as the final pulses finished. Simon was still working on him, slower, more relaxed motions now. The intensity was too much despite the ease in the actions. John breathed out a rough laugh and put a hand on Simon's face, nudging him off. He pulled away with a soft, wet pop.

"Sensitive?" Simon asked, a smile on his face as he wiped his lips with a finger tip, watching John's eyes the whole time.

John shivered at the sight, a groan coming from his lips, "A little, yeah."

Simon leaned down, kissing him on the cheek and John grabbed his face, turning it toward him and meeting his lips. He wanted to taste Simon. Taste himself on Simon's tongue. He melted into the kiss, Simon humming against his mouth.

John caught his breath for a moment before he reached out for him, hand reaching down to palm him through his pants. Simon wrapped a hand around his wrist, stilling him.

"Don't feel obligated, love. No expectations, yeah?" Simon held his eyes, making sure John understood.

"Mmm.. Don't feel obligated. Just want to feel you the same way." He nipped at his lip again, "Can't promise I'll be as good at it, though." He laughed.

Simon rolled his eyes, "I'm sure it will be torture. Where do you want me?"

John gave him a light hearted slap on the chest at the comment, "Ach! We'll see. Trade me places?"

Simon wrapped an arm around him and flipped them over, landing John on top of him.

"Never would have thought I'd love being handled like that the way I do. Jesus." John beamed at him, reaching for his pants with enthusiasm.

He paused before pulling them down, looking at Simon for permission. The returning smile and nod had him slipping the waistband down, he tried not to focus on the absolutely imposing presence resting heavily between Simon's hips until he got the offending fabric removed entirely and tossed to the side.

Simon pulled his foot free of the sleep pants, bringing it around to John's other hip, splaying his legs and crossing his arms behind his head. John just stared for a few moments, taking in the figure of the man beneath him as he lay spread in a comfortable and confident position. He knew he looked good laid out like this. He took his time admiring Simon, the heavy muscles under his flawless skin, the dusting of blonde hair across his chest trailing down in a line that led directly to what John was most interested in at this moment.

He'd never seen a man like this. Exposed. Aroused. Close enough that the heat of his thighs burned into his skin where they rested against his hips. Even though he had just finished moments before, he felt a quick twinge of desire in his belly again.

"Sorry, just admiring.." He reached tentatively, placed his hands on Simon's hips and took a deep breath.

Simon reached down to cover John's hand with his own, "Hey, no worries. No rush."

John nodded. He could do this. He knew what felt good when he touched himself, he would start there. He grazed his fingers down Simon's length, barely brushing him. Simon inhaled sharply, twitching beneath the touch.

He wrapped his fingers around him, sliding his hand up, rolling his wrist at the tip. Simon groaned at the sensation and closed his eyes, clenching his jaw.

While John was a little bit thicker, Simon had him beat in length by a small margin. He pulled his hand away briefly, Simon's eyes opening to check on him. John held his eye contact as he brought his hand to his mouth, licking up the length of his palm, leaving a slick trail of saliva in the wake of his tongue. He brought the hand back to Simon, spreading it along him. Simon's eyes darkened, narrowing in pleasure as John pumped his hand slowly.

Simon started moaning low, the sound rumbling in his chest and making John start breathing heavily again himself as he worked him over.

"God, John.. I love the way you're touching me. Feels so fucking good.." He could hear the barely restrained need in the words and it spurred him to lean down, kissing the inside of Simon's thigh while his hand continued its pace.

Simon sucked in a breath at the lips touching the sensitive skin there making John smile against him as he moved closer between Simon's legs.

He was worried about not knowing what to do. He wanted to be able to return the same pleasure he'd felt under Simon's touch, to make him shake beneath him and unravel at his actions. He stilled his hand, holding him steady as he tentatively licked at the tip, tasting Simon's arousal beading there and making a low sound of pleasure in his throat at it. Simon had one hand gripping the duvet, the other resting on his chest as he lightly teased one of his nipples, the motions lazy and languid.

The sight had John salivating. He licked his lips and took Simon's tip into his mouth, trying to mimic the action Simon had made with his tongue on him just minutes ago.

"Bloody fuckin' hell!"

He heard Simon exclaim, voice hard and rasping as he felt him try to control the roll of his hips up toward John's mouth. He was thankful for the restraint as he was trying to navigate this new feeling. He sucked gently, still working his hand below his mouth, relishing in the sounds that Simon was making beneath him.

He decided to try to take more of him, sliding down further, slowly, testing.

"You're.. doing so.. fucking good, love." Simon panted out, head still tipped back against the pillow.

The praise made John moan against the invasion, the vibration had Simon twitching under him, still trying to hold back. He pushed a little further, getting some resistance. He tried again, backing off a bit and going back down only to hit the same block.

"If you want more," Simon was focusing hard on forming the sentences, John could hear the concentration in the words, "Push your tongue.. down and flatten it a bit.. Only do what you can."

He followed the instructions, feeling a bit more space open up at the top of his throat. He would have smiled if his lips weren't stretched tight around Simon. He slid down further, still working his hand in the space below his lips. He was only able to take a little more before he gagged and pulled back a bit, a disappointed sound in his throat.

"Fuck, love.. You're doing so well, taking so much of me. Your mouth feels fucking divine." Simon was purring the words now as he reached a hand to gently brush his fingers through John's mohawk.

He looked up and met Simon's eyes and he could have melted there. The sight of Simon unraveling just the way he hoped, muscles tense, a slight tremble to his hands, dark eyes glassy with pleasure. He moaned against him again, loving the reaction it pulled from him. He started to work in shorter strokes of his mouth, focusing instead on using the free space to manipulate his tongue around the tip while his hand continued below him, saliva slicking the way where it escaped his lips as he worked him.

Simon started to breathe heavily, harsh, gasping. The knuckles of the hand twisted into the blanket were white with strain, the hand in John's hair was loosely twisted into the strands, fingertips grazing his scalp gently.

He glanced up at Simon once more, seeing his face and neck flushed red. He was-

" 'M close. Fuck I'm close, John!" He said the words like a warning, giving him a chance to back off. He made his mind up quickly. He was in this far and he would see it through. If he didn't like it, he didn't have to do it again, but he would at least try it.

He flicked his tongue, mimicking Simon's previous actions once more. His hips flinched hard once, muscles tensing tightly and holding.

John felt the initial twitch before his mouth was flooded with a thick heat. It was more than he anticipated and despite trying to swallow quickly, a good bit slipped from his lips and down over his fingers as they continued to stroke Simon through his finish. Once the last of the pulses stopped, John pulled off of him, a familiar wet pop in the room. He lifted his hand from Simon, catching his gaze as he licked along his fingers, never dropping the eye contact as he cleaned his hand off.

"God in heaven, John.." Simon breathed out while he watched him.

John leaned back on his knees, a slow, lopsided grin forming on his lips, slick with saliva where he had licked them.

"Torture?" John asked, eyebrow raised.

"The best kind. Come here." Simon held his arms open.

John crawled up the bed next to him, tucking in under his arm. Before he could rest his head on Simon's chest, he put a finger under John's chin, tipping his face up to kiss him, immediately sweeping his tongue across John's lips and then into his mouth when he parted his lips. John felt him groan at the kiss and smile before he let John's head return to his chest.

They lie together in the bed, tangled with each other while they caught their breath. After a few moments of comfortable silence, Simon kissed the top of his head.

"Would you like to lay here or go back out to the living room?" He murmured against his hair.

"Hmm.. living room? I'd like to be able to talk but I'm afraid I'll get side tracked easier in here." He traced his finger tips across Simon's chest.

Simon laughed and tapped him to move so he could stand up. He reached his hands above his head and stretched up on his toes, joints softly popping. John couldn't take his eyes off of him.

"You're staring, Johnny." Simon smirked at him as he tugged on his pants and scooped up his shirt, turning it inside right.

"Johnny?" He asked, the name catching him off guard.

"If that's okay. If you don't like it, I won't use it." He shrugged, pulling his shirt on and grabbing John's from the floor to hand to him.

He smiled hugely, "I love it. No one's ever called me Johnny."

"First time for everything." Simon winked and tossed him the gray sweats, "Those.. mmm.. Those look even better in person, by the way."

John laughed and pulled them on as he stood up, shirt following. "You're a menace, Simon."

Simon leaned down to kiss him, reaching a hand to give his ass a quick squeeze as he did, drawing a noise almost like a squeak from John.

"What sounds good for lunch? I'll call it in." Simon led the way from the bedroom, phone in hand.

John followed behind him, a smile seemingly etched onto his face.

"Whatever you'd like, handsome."

Chapter Text

"Yes, thank you." Simon ended the call with the restaurant they'd chosen, "Be about half an hour they said. Oh! Here he is.."

The last statement came in an exceptionally soft voice, just a little higher than typical making John do a double take. The mysterious cat, Ghost, had poked his head out from the hallway and was watching John warily, his eyes huge and dark in his white face.

Simon slowly took a couple of steps toward the cat before stopping a few paces back, bending slightly and pointing a finger out. Waiting. Silent.

John watched in fascination as the cat flicked his eyes to Simon and back to John before curiosity won out and he started to slink toward Simon's outstretched hand.

He reached Simon and rubbed his face along the offered finger, a gentle purr breaking the silence. Simon slowly scooped him up in his arms, scratching his chin and ears as he walked toward John.

"What the hell kind of sorcery did I just witness?" John was staring at the pair with burning amusement.

Simon chuckled, "The curiosity gets them almost every time. They can't resist."

"Can I pet him?" John asked, not wanting to scare him since Simon mentioned that he didn't like strangers.

"Yeah, he should be good now. Loves attention, little touch starved when I first got him. Once he knows you don't mean harm, he comes around quick." Simon moved his hand so John could reach out and scratch along the side of Ghost's neck, burying his fingers in the long and shaggy fur.

He felt the cat slowly lean harder into his hand, the purr growing steadily louder as he slowly blinked up at John. He felt the smile spreading huge across his face.

"Oh, I'm in love!" John brought his second hand up and rubbed Ghost's ears with enthusiasm.

"I think he is, too." Simon laughed and leaned to set him back on the ground now that he was starting to fidget in his arms.

"Always wanted a pet but never got one. He's a beauty." John watched as the cat wandered to the water bowl in the corner for a drink before slinking back off to the hallway.

Simon took a seat at the table and gestured for John to join him, "Why haven't you gotten one?"

"Eh, Tiffany didn't like animals much." He shrugged.

"Not everyone does, I suppose. Speaking of, will it ruin the afterglow if I ask some questions?" Simon sounded just a touch reluctant.

"Ask away." He would have been too curious himself to say no.

"When she came into your flat that night, you ran to grab my mask first thing. Why?" Simon's voice had shrunk a little, the insecurity that was there that night when he first showed his face creeping in at the edges of the words.

John reached out and grabbed Simon's hands where they were clasped tightly on top of the table, "I saw the look on your face and it nearly ripped my heart out. I.. I can't apologize enough for that night. I never meant to betray that trust."

Simon looked up and blinked a few times, his eyes rimmed with moisture, "You didn't. You didn't know she would come in, but when she did, your first priority was to do what you could to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable."

"I never want you to be uncomfortable around me. I felt honored that you let me see your face that night and I hated knowing that you were forced into a negative situation because of it." He squeezed Simon's hands.

"I thought you would run.. Not literally, of course, but I thought that when you saw my face that.. That you would lose interest. You're a very handsome man, Johnny. I'm.. well.." He wouldn't meet John's eyes, letting them track around the room instead as the halting words forced themselves out and into the space between them.

John felt like his heart was breaking for him all over again, "Simon, I don't know what it will take to convince you that you are absolutely fucking gorgeous without your mask, but I'll gladly do it a thousand times over. When I saw your face, I had to remind myself to breathe. I'm not sure what ever made you feel like anything less, but you are a thing of beauty. Nothing would change my mind on that."

Simon's eyes had become more red, he blinked and the tears spilled over onto the table, he cast his eyes down and tried to pull his hands away from John's. He let him have one, reaching out himself to cup the side of Simon's face, but he held tight to the other hand.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart.." John started but was interrupted by a knock at the door. He groaned, "Except to go grab the food. Forgive me."

He stood and kissed the top of Simon's head on his way to the door. He was careful to keep it closed enough for Simon to remain hidden as he grabbed the bags and thanked the delivery person.

He set the bags on the counter and Simon came to help him get everything set out, seeming to be deep in thought while he gathered plates and utensils for them.

They prepared plates from the cardboard takeaway boxes and sat back at the table.

"You okay?" John asked, worried.

Simon nodded and smiled at him, "Just don't know how I got so damn lucky."

"I'm quite the catch. All the baggage and whatnot." John laughed a little, taking a bite of his food.

"Nah, you're worth it." Simon winked at him before turning his tone serious again, "I hope that night wasn't too bad for you. I don't know what all she knew prior to that night, but she seemed.. upset that I was there."

John sighed, "She didn't know any of it, actually. It wasn't something I could have talked to her about and I was still in denial. The relationship had been on its way out before I met you. She left temporarily the night before you came to the shop for the first time and it was already dead, I just couldn't admit it to myself. There was a lot of yelling until she finally pushed me to admit that I thought I was gay. I hadn't planned on having that conversation with her ever, let alone immediately after the high of kissing you."

"I'm sorry. It's hard enough coming to terms with things for yourself, let alone being shoved into it against your will. I wish it hadn't gone down that way." Simon brushed his leg against John's under the table as they fell into a silence together.

John broke the silence after a few minutes, "I thought there was something wrong with me for years.. I never felt like myself when I was with women. Never felt right." He was staring at his now mostly empty plate.

"Does this feel right, Johnny?" Simon grabbed his hand and held it, firm and warm.

John looked up at him and broke into a radiant smile, "More than anything ever has."

----------

Simon was putting away leftovers while John grabbed his phone to call and check on Meg. He hadn't heard anything yet and it was into the afternoon by now.

He dialed her number and tapped to put it the call on speakerphone as he leaned against the island in the kitchen.

"Please tell me you slept together?"

John's eyes snapped to Simon's where he froze, bending to put a container on a lower shelf of the fridge. Simon started struggling not to laugh, squeezing his eyes shut as his body shook with the effort.

"Uh.. You're on speaker, Meg." John groaned, putting his fingertips to the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes.

"Oh, that's entirely your fault. You should know me better than that by now, John. Hello, Simon!"

"Hello, Megan." The remnants of his suppressed laughs tinged the words.

John tried again, "I was calling to see how it went. I hadn't heard from you."

"I didn't want to interrupt.. In case you were sleeping together."

"MEGAN!" John was mortified.

Simon was full on laughing now and Meg joined in.

"I hate you both." John dead panned.

"You could never."

Simon simply responded by kissing his cheek loudly.

"Aw! I'm dying here!"

"Can you answer the damn question?" John was laughing now, too.

"Went well. Or well enough. She said she wanted to apologize to you and hoped to be able to today. I told her to kick rocks. Sorry, couldn't resist. She is officially out though and I did get the keys back from her. Allie and I locked up before we left, we just got home not too long ago."

"I appreciate you doing this today, really. You guys are amazing and I owe you one." John thanked them as Simon came up behind him, wrapping his arms around him and softly kissing his shoulder, making him wither against the countertop.

"Any time at all. Oh! Tall ask, but if you guys are capable of peeling away from each other long enough to put clothes on, Allie and I are going to have some drinks later and you're welcome to join."

John just sighed deeply, face blushing deep pink.

"What do you think, Johnny? Can we swing that?" Simon asked just loud enough for Meg to hear, apparently.

"I'm sorry did you just call him 'Johnny'?? Jesus Christ, I'm going to be sick and I love it. Please come out. We want to officially meet you."

Simon chuckled and grabbed John's hips to spin him around to face him, his face asking. John nodded his head with a smile.

"We will be there. Send Johnny the details. I look forward to thanking you in person, Megan." Simon's eyes were glued to John's the entire time he spoke.

"Ugh! I can't wait. Have fun, you two!"

She ended the call, John was standing and holding the phone, still staring into Simon's eyes. Suddenly he dipped down and wrapped his hands behind John's thighs, in one motion pulling him up and stepping forward, pushing him up and onto the counter.

John laughed out in surprise, tossing the phone to the counter and wrapping his arms around Simon's neck.

"There you go again. Think you're just showing off now." He planted a kiss on Simon's mouth.

"Is it working?" Simon asked against his lips.

"Oh, certainly.." He trailed off as they deepened their kiss, losing themselves in the taste of each other.

Until a gentle nudge broke the moment. John looked down to see Ghost standing on the counter and head butting against his arm.

"Cockblock." Simon chuckled and scratched his ears, "He wants food. Let me get him fed and we can get cleaned up for tonight."

"Speaking of getting cleaned up, would you mind if I got a quick shower before we go? I'd like to wash off from earlier." John asked as he hopped off the counter.

Simon was getting the container of cat food from the cabinet when he stopped to level a gaze at him, "Oh, I don't mind, Johnny. Shower is very finicky, though.. I can show you how it works if you'd like..?"

"How do you do that?" John stared at him.

"Do what?" He had a wicked glint in his eye as he closed the cabinet back.

"Make me want you so badly all the time." John asked, his eyes trailing up and down Simon's frame.

A curiosity crossed Simon's face, "All the time? You mean today?"

John realized what he'd said as he watched Simon stalk closer to him, "More than just today.."

Simon was in front of him again, he brought his hand up to John's face, lightly gripping his chin to tilt his head back, making him look up at him.

"Tell me." His voice was low and rough now.

John shivered, debating for only a moment before deciding to be honest, "I've thought about you before.."

"And what were you thinking about?" His eyes were dragging from John's eyes to his lips and back as he hovered close.

John's voice was barely above a whisper now, "You and me.. in the shower."

"More."

He shivered, nearly panting now, "Your hand wrapped around me.."

Simon quirked his lips into a hungry grin, placing a quick kiss on John's mouth.

"Then let's go make it a reality."

Chapter Text

Simon turned the tap on and adjusted it before grabbing two fluffy towels from the shelf next to the shower stall and placing them on the counter and then placing two clean wash cloths in the shower. He grabbed John's hand, tugging him gently into the bathroom from the hallway and closing the door.

"So," Simon started as he grabbed the hem of John's shirt, "When did you think of me in the shower with you?" He pulled the shirt over John's head and tossed it to the side, his eyes raking over him.

John was breathing heavily, already feeling the blood pooling low in his hips, "The day you gave your number to Meg."

"Tell me." The words were a command, but not harsh. Simon's voice a rumbling request that John couldn't say no to.

"Tiffany tried to fuck me. I couldn't.. couldn't keep it up. She got mad and left," Simon tugged his own shirt over his head, eyes still watching John, "I went in to get a shower and.. the thought of you came into my head. I looked down and I was hard.. I.. I couldn't help it. I hadn't felt like that before. I started touching myself, imagining your fist around me.. I.. fuck!"

His hand went to the front of his sweats, palming his hardness there as he leaned his head back with the feeling.

"Mmm.. Well keeping it up certainly doesn't seem to be a problem now." Simon grabbed his pants and tugged them down, freeing him, his eyes darkening at the sight of John's arousal.

John shook his head, unsure if he could answer, his brain feeling like it melted.

Simon checked the water temperature one more time before he slipped his own pants off and beckoned John to step into the warm water with him. He stepped over the lip of the shower and into Simon's arms as he pulled him under the spray of the water feeling Simon's own solid shape pressed against his, making him groan softly.

Simon reached to a shelf and pumped some kind of liquid soap into his hand from a heavy looking, unlabeled bottle. He rubbed his hands together, placing them on John's chest and nudging him out of the spray of the water so he could rub him down. John was thankful for the steam warming the room around him as Simon started sliding his hands across his body.

He started at his neck, massaging gently for a moment before moving to his chest and the scattering of dark hair that graced it.

"I love this.." Simon dragged his blunt nails through the short curls there as they spread the bubbles across.

John just hummed a response, closing his eyes and enjoying the sensation as Simon's hands continued to glide across him, down his arms and back up, across his stomach all the way down to his hips before pulling away.

John opened his eyes and whimpered at the lost sensation.

"Turn around and face the wall, love." Simon's voice was rough with need by now.

John couldn't help the flicker of concern in his face, but he turned anyway, trusting him. He felt Simon's body press against his, chest to back. He could feel Simon's impressive length hard and insistent against his skin. He made a small sound in his throat, worry constricting him.

"Nothing more than earlier, darling. No need to worry." His words gentle and reassuring as he left soft kisses on the slope where John's shoulder and neck met.

He sighed and relaxed against him.

He heard the pump of the bottle once more, the feeling of Simon's hand on his hip, covered in a silky foam from the soap.

"Put one hand on the wall, handsome."

He complied, heart in his throat, as Simon's hand gripped around him, firm. The lather from the soap coating him as Simon slowly dragged his hand up and down. John gasped and groaned low in his throat.

Simon stroked him for a few moments like this, steam billowing softly in the shower, the sounds of soap slick skin and the small moans and whimpers from John's mouth filling the space.

Simon grabbed John's free hand and placed it over top of the one he had wrapped on John's length.

"Show me what you thought of." He growled against the curve of John's ear.

John's knees grew weak at the words and he sighed. As he started to work Simon's hand over himself, he tilted his head back.

"Ah, ah, love.. I want you to watch while you fuck my hand."

John let out a high noise, a whimper as he tipped his head forward to watch as he slipped in and out of Simon's fist, his own fingers wrapped around and controlling the movement.

He felt Simon angle himself down a bit as he whispered in John's ear, "Spread your legs just a bit for me, love. I just want to feel your thighs on me if that's okay."

He did as he was told, curious for a second abou-

He felt Simon guide himself to rest against the inside of John's thighs before he tapped his leg, "Close."

He did so, bringing his feet together, the action drawing a hard moan from Simon behind him. It had him working Simon's hand faster against himself, as he watched his length slip in and out of their joined grip. He felt Simon sliding himself back and forth between his thighs, the soap letting him glide easily against the soft skin there.

"Fucking perfect, sweetheart.." Simon growled against his neck as he continued to rock back and forth.

The words were enough to tip John over the edge, "S-Simon! I'm..!" He cried out as he spilled over their fingers and on to the tiles below, his release making his hips jerk against Simon.

"God you're so good for me, love.. you feel so.. fucking good.. I.. Fuck!"

Simon grabbed his hip tight as he found his finish at last.

After a moment, John stepped his feet slightly apart, freeing Simon's softening member. He leaned his back against the wall and stared at Simon.

"Everything okay?" There was worry there in his eyes as he paused in grabbing the shower head from the mount on the wall.

"Is everything okay? Simon, I'll never get a damn thing done around you." He broke into a grin, "I've never in my life finished twice in a day, let alone in a couple of hours. I'm almost concerned, because I'm already thinking about how I want more and I'm not even flagging yet. Steamin' Jesus.." He laughed as he ran a hand through his damp hair.

Simon's face softened as he rolled his eyes, "You had me worried for a second.. Also, never twice in a day? Ugh, if we hadn't agreed to meet Meg and Allie I'd say we would see what kind of records we could set for you." He chuckled at John's expression, "But that will have to wait for another day. Here."

He handed him a wash cloth and pointed out what the bottles were on the shelf so he could actually get cleaned up.

They each showered, leaning in to give the occasional kiss as they washed themselves. When they were done, Simon stepped out first, wrapping a towel around John before grabbing his own.

"You're the sweetest, you know that, right?" John smiled at him as Simon ruffled the towel through his blonde hair.

"Nah. Just have a crush on you is all." Simon winked at him and wrapped the towel around his waist, low on his hips.

"It should be illegal for you to be this hot." His eyes were eating up the sight in front of him.

Simon blushed at the compliment and turned his face away.

"Hey," John cupped his face and turned it back to his, "I mean that. You're stunning. I could look at you all day. All of you."

Simon dropped his eyes, the blush deepening as he mumbled a quiet, "Thank you."

John smiled at him and leaned up to kiss him, "Go get dressed, we're running late. Someone distracted me in the shower."

John grabbed his clothes from that morning and carried them to Simon's bedroom to get ready together. He finished first and sat on the edge of the bed, watching Simon sift through his closet and pull pieces out.

His phone vibrated.

M: Skipping the bar. Dinner instead?

She had sent the details for a place not too far from Simon's flat. It was pretty nice, quiet.

"Um, Simon?" He asked, unsure now.

Simon leaned out of the closer, buttoning his shirt, "Hmm?"

"The girls changed plans a bit. They want to go to dinner instead.." John trailed off, knowing it was a much more difficult thing to ask of Simon, "We can absolutely skip it. I can tell them we already had other plans for dinner or that I'm not feeling well after all."

Simon's eyes were a little tight as he considered the question for a few moments.

"Megan is your best friend, right?" He asked.

"Yes, why?" He couldn't see where Simon was going.

Simon sighed quietly in the doorway of the closet before he answered, "Then let's go. I trust you."

"I'd never put you in a bad spot, love." John smiled at him from the edge of the bed as he tapped the reply to Meg.

Simon was dressed now, he stepped to the bathroom to run some product through his hair, coming back to the bedroom to ask, "How do I look?"

"Like a damn dream, Simon." He stood up and walked to stand in front of him, "Almost makes me want to cancel with the girls anyway.." His hands trailed across Simon's chest.

"You're insatiable, Johnny." He winked at him and planted a quick kiss to his mouth, "Let's go, don't want to be too late. First impressions and all."

----------

They made it to the restaurant just shortly after the girls did, the hostess leading them to a table in a back corner. John had asked Meg to request as much privacy as possible without giving her details as to why. He wanted to let Simon choose what to show or say.

The men approached the table, Meg and Allie stood up immediately beaming at them.

"Ugh! Simon, it's so good to officially meet you." Meg stepped to him and opened her arms for a hug.

"Jesus, Meg, give him room." John grumbled as he hugged Allie.

Simon laughed, "It's fine." He leaned in to hug her, "It's nice to officially meet you as well."

He stood and looked at Allie, "This must be the beautiful Allie I've heard so much about, lovely to meet you." He returned the hug she trapped him in as well.

The girls took their seats again as Simon came behind John to help him out of his jacket before slipping his own off. He smiled at John under the mask, he could see the corners of his eyes turn up. He was getting very used to reading his eyes for all of his expressions, wanting to be able to do so more easily when they were out with the mask in place.

They sat at the table and Meg started right away, "So, have you boys had a good day?"

There was a teasing edge to the words and she winked at John, making him nearly choke on his water. Christ he was thankful for the waitress arriving when she did.

They ordered drinks all around, John defaulted and let Simon choose wine for him, not knowing a damn thing about it.

"Think you'll like this one." Simon said to John as the waitress walked away.

"Finally exposing him to decent wine? About time." Allie laughed, nudging John under the table with her foot.

He rolled his eyes and felt Simon's hand come to rest on his knee. His face flushed pink and he leaned a little closer.

"Trying to anyway." Simon chuckled, "I wanted to thank both of you, by the way. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the help with the flat. And the other help." He looked at Meg with a raised eyebrow.

"Couldn't have any idea what you're talking about." She sipped her water and tried to suppress a smirk.

Simon chuckled at it and the waitress returned with their glasses, taking their food order before walking away.

John hadn't said anything about Simon's mask up until this point to Meg or Allie. Neither knew about why he wore it, but he knew that they would be a safe space for Simon. He had told Simon as they left the flat that they could always just sit with the girls for a bit, telling them they couldn't stay long because they had reservations somewhere else. That they could come back to the flat for dinner so Simon could eat in peace.

He had shaken his head, insisting that it would be fine. That he trusted that John wouldn't put him in a situation he wouldn't be accepted in. He could tell Simon was still a little nervous though, especially now at the table when the moment had arrived.

Simon squeezed John's knee and took a steadying breath. He had sat with his back to the dining room, so it would only be their table that would see him in the corner.

John patted his hand, " 'S alright, sweetheart."

Meg and Allie looked up then, eyes soft at John's use of the pet name. Simon looped his fingers into his mask and pulled it off, folding it the same way he had done at John's flat and tucking it into the pocket of his jacket.

John could see his jaw was tense, lips tight. He wished he could wipe away this fear, this sense of unease from him. He looked at Allie and Meg as they took in Simon's face.

"Bloody hell, John! Little peeved you didn't tell me he was fucking gorgeous!" Meg admonished him with a light slap to his forearm on the table.

"You'd met him! You even said he was good looking!" He put his hands up in mock exasperation.

"Aye, but good looking doesn't quite cover it." Allie interjected.

Simon's face had flushed pink and he ducked his head, eyes on the table. John leaned up and kissed his cheek, lips gently grazing the scar there.

He whispered, low enough that only Simon would hear, "I told you you're fucking stunning, love."

Simon's lips broke into an involuntary grin at that and the turned his head to catch John's lips in a quick kiss.

They both leaned back then, Simon grabbing his wine glass and taking a sip. The rest of the table followed suit. After a few minutes of conversation and jokes, their food arrived.

They shared stories, much to John's chagrin when Meg told one about the day that he dropped an entire crate of flavored syrup on the floor of the store room and they all stuck to the concrete for months no matter how hard they tried to clean it.

Meg and Allie immediately took to Simon, like John knew they would. They got to know him over the course of dinner, Meg throwing the occasional soft glance at John, a small smile gracing her lips.

The check came and Simon grabbed it before Meg could reach it.

"Hey! No, absolutely not." She pointed her finger at Simon, "We invited you guys out to celebrate."

"What are we celebrating, Meg?" John asked, puzzled for a moment as he folded his napkin.

"You, Johnny." Simon's voice caressed the name as he wrapped his hand around John's.

He felt the emotion welling in his chest. This was the first time he'd felt.. whole. He felt like he was finally where he wanted to be and with the people who cared about him the most. He was relishing in the glow that surrounded the table, feeling his eyes start to swim. He blinked hard against the tears threatening.

"Hey, love.. You're alright. Come here." Simon turned in his chair and pulled John to his chest, kissing the top of his head as his arms wrapped around him.

John squeezed him back and pulled away to face the table again.

"Thank you guys. For everything.. I.." He trailed off.

"We know, babe." Meg smiled at him and pulled Allie into her side, both of them grinning at him now.

Chapter Text

"Why didn't you stay the night??" Meg had just punched in and was staring at John as if he had two heads.

He laughed and waved her off, "Because! We both had work today and besides, we'd spent the whole day together. Don't want to scare him off quite yet."

"Oh, honey, the way he looks at you? I don't think you're going to scare him off that easy." She went to unlock the doors, calling over her shoulder, "Is he coming by today?"

John shrugged, "Not sure. He said he would be pretty busy since he took off work yesterday."

Kyle walked through from the back, "We talking about Earl Grey, no sugar?"

"John's boyfriend? Yeah." Meg called from her spot behind till.

John choked on the drink he'd taken from his bottle of water stashed behind the counter, "Megan!"

Kyle bounced his eyes between the two, eyebrow cocked in interest, "Well damn.. I'm impressed."

"He's not my boyfriend! We just.. hung out." John blushed bright red and busied himself with the pastry case.

Meg and Kyle exchanged a glance as the first customer walked in, ending the conversation.

The morning rush died down at last and John had started to peel open a granola bar, his usual go to for a makeshift lunch, when the bell clattered and Megan gasped.

He turned and saw Simon walking in, one arm laden down with a paper bag and a vase overflowing with white roses. He grinned at him and stepped out from behind the counter to greet him.

"Meg, these are for you. I heard somewhere that white roses are your favorite?" Simon set the vase on the counter in front of her.

"Um.. These are beautiful, but why are you bringing me flowers?" She was staring at them and smiling hugely.

"I wanted to thank you.. I was also told that you like flowers and I happen to be on a kick." Simon winked at John.

Now that Simon's arms were mostly free, John wrapped himself around him, tugging him into a kiss. Simon leaned back.

"This is for you," He handed him the paper bag, "I know you said you barely eat lunch and I wanted to make sure you had something today."

John opened the bag and saw a wrapped sandwich inside, "Worried about me?" He smiled at him.

"Always." He kissed him again.

"For Simon." Kyle called from behind the counter, setting a cup on the counter.

He looked over, "I-"

"I cut the steep time for you. Saw John watching the clock yesterday for it." He smiled at Simon and walked back to his station, "Not big on flowers, but I like lunch, too! In case you were curious!" He threw over his shoulder as he went.

"Damn it, Kyle!" John laughed.

Meg was carrying the flowers back to the back and Kyle had returned to the far side of the counter, leaving Simon and John as alone as they could be in the space.

"I didn't expect to see you today. Thought you would be too busy." John set the bag down on the counter behind him.

"I made time." He glanced at his watch, "I do need to get back, though. I'll see you tomorrow night, yeah?"

John broke into a huge smile, "Of course. Have a good day and give Ghost love for me."

Simon leaned to kiss him goodbye, "Absolutely. Have a good day, Johnny." He leaned to catch Kyle's eye, holding the cup up, "Thank you, Kyle!"

He walked out, holding the door for the next customer.

----------

The next two weeks went by, Simon regularly coming to the shop on the days that he got a break in his work to grab a tea and see John for a few minutes.

John loved those days. His heart immediately fluttering when he saw Simon walk in, knowing that if they both had time, they would take a seat at a far table by the window, Simon tugging his mask up to take each sip from his cup before dropping it back down into place.

Now John knew why he had always chosen the seats facing the windows, it allowed him to enjoy his tea without wandering eyes finding his face. He wished like hell he could wipe away Simon's insecurities, but he knew he couldn't. He didn't push him, instead doing what he could to make sure Simon was comfortable as well as doing what he could to let Simon know exactly what he thought of his appearance, complimenting him frequently and sincerely, hoping Simon would start to believe him eventually.

They spent the two weeks following the first day in Simon's flat with each other whenever they were able to, Simon having adjusted his schedule to better fit John's. It gave them time to go on frequent dates, even if it was just an evening stroll around the park after dinner. Sometimes Meg and Allie would join them on different outings, all of them growing closer together.

During their most recent group outing, Meg had pulled John aside while Simon and Allie were looking at one of the museum displays, discussing different theories on the subject.

"He still hasn't mentioned it yet?" Meg asked, sounding surprised.

"No, I'm not sure why. It's making me a little nervous, but I don't know. It's all new to me." John shrugged, feeling a little uneasy.

"The way he is with you, I would have thought he would have made it official by now. It doesn't seem like he's only looking for casual. Hell you guys spend so much time together, I doubt he's afraid of the commitment." Her brow was bunched in concentration while she thought it over.

John was chewing on his lip, that nervous habit returning, "I don't know if he wants a relationship. I mean, he's never explicitly said we are exclusive or that we're a couple. He seems to go out of his way to avoid using language like that, in fact. Changing the subject if it comes up casually and everything."

"Yeah, but you guys still haven't had sex yet, right?" She asked, far too casually in John's opinion.

He flushed pink, "No, we haven't. Thank you, Meg."

"I'm just saying. It's not like he's just using you for sex. Just seems odd he won't put a title on it." She mused, "Have you asked him directly?"

"No! It's been two weeks, I don't want to freak him out. I'll just.. wait, I guess.." He trailed off, sounding disappointed.

"Yeah, but it's been a lot of time together in those two weeks. You guys are barely apart for more than 24 hours at a stretch. It's not like it's been two dates or anything." She pointed out, fairly. They had spent a lot of time together in those two weeks.

Meg stared at him until Allie interrupted the moment, "Hey! You guys coming?"

They both turned to catch up.

Later that night after they had left Meg and Allie at their place, Simon wrapped his hand around John's and tugged him close to his side.

"Would you like to end the evening here or do you want more?" Simon murmured the words against John's hand where he held it up to kiss it.

John shivered at the implication. Was Simon only in it for a casual hookup? They often fooled around before or after dates so Simon's question wasn't out of the ordinary, but the earlier conversation with Meg kept popping up in his head.

He felt a little sick. He wanted more with Simon. He wanted a relationship and he wanted to know they were a couple, but he was afraid to talk to him about it. Afraid to ruin what good he did have with him if it turned out that Simon didn't want more.

"Come on, I'll get you home." Simon squeezed his hand, smiling at him as he started walking in the direction of John's flat.

He had been silent for too long after the question, Simon taking it as an answer in itself. They maintained the silence as they walked, it was about 15 minutes to John's flat from Meg's, her place being a bit closer to Simon's.

They were about 5 minutes away from the flat when John finally spoke up, "I'm sorry, Simon."

He looked at him, confusion creasing his brow, "What on earth are you sorry for, Johnny?"

"It's not that I don't want.. that I don't want to fool around tonight." He took a deep breath, "I'm just.. confused."

"That makes two of us. What's going on, love?" Simon stopped and pulled him around to face him.

He hesitated, not sure what his plan was here, "What do you want from me?"

"What do I want from you? I just want this, Johnny. I don't understand." He looked worried now as his eyes searched John's face.

"I mean.. I don't know. Never mind." He shook his head and started walking again.

Simon followed along, remaining silent until they got to John's flat. He unlocked the door and started to turn the handle without having looked back at Simon.

"Johnny, wait.. If I've done something to upset you, it wasn't intentional. I'm sorry." He sounded sincere.

John still hadn't turned around, just frozen in place, hand on the door and shoulders bunched with tension.

"It's not you, Simon. I.. I'm just going to get some sleep, I think." He turned to face Simon finally, a weak smile on his face, "Thank you for today."

Simon stared at him for a second, worry clouding his face, "Be honest with me, are you okay?"

John sighed, "I just need to think a bit."

The crease in Simon's brow deepened as he looked at John for a few moments.

"Okay, Johnny. I'll uh, I'll leave you be, then." Simon's voice sounded unsteady.

Before John could say anything else, Simon turned and left. John stood for a second before walking inside.

The flat hadn't felt quite right since the night that Tiffany stormed in on him and Simon. He felt just slightly uncomfortable there. Since then, Simon had been by a few times for dinner or to pick John up or drop him off, but they mostly stayed at Simon's flat on the days they spent together.

In the two weeks that they'd been seeing each other, they still hadn't stayed overnight with one another. John had wondered about this a few times before, but it all seemed to make some sense, at least initially.

What they had was new to both of them and an overnight stay could be a pretty heavy thing to jump into. Added to the fact that John was pretty sure Simon saw right through him when it came to his concerns surrounding sex. So Simon usually ended the night by offering to call a ride for John if it was late or the weather wasn't ideal for walking him home.

Was it because Simon wasn't interested in him staying if he wouldn't be getting anything more out of John than he already had? Was it because he didn't want to give John a false idea of what this arrangement was?

They went on dates, but it usually led to them fooling around after if they didn't do so beforehand. Tonight was the first time they had broken their pattern and it was because John hadn't responded to Simon. When he didn't get a response to the request to continue the night, Simon simply brought him back to his own flat.

Because he didn't want him at his if he wasn't getting off?

He felt sick to his stomach.

His phone vibrated.

S: Just made it home. I'm worried about you. I won't bother you if you want space, I just want to know that you're okay.

J: I'm okay.

He didn't get another response.

John set the phone down and climbed into bed. He tossed and turned late into the night, unable to shake the idea that he'd misread this entire situation with Simon and not sure what to do now.

He loved spending time with him, loved the dates out, the nights in, the lazy days on the sofa or sprawled in bed. The moments in the coffee shop, the little surprise visits, the messages through the day.

The question was, was it enough for Simon?

Chapter Text

Megan and Kyle were both off work the following day leaving John with Anya and Mr. Price for his shift mates. He didn't mind working with them, but it definitely made for a quieter shift. Neither one was big on chit chat which was likely why Mr. Price preferred to work the front with Anya over Meg and Kyle.

It was probably for the best considering John barely slept last night. He didn't know if he could face Meg trying to get him to talk about it today. Not while he had to keep it together for work. He already felt like he was ready to shatter into pieces.

He idly wondered as the rush started to die if Simon would come in today. Did he want him to?

Yes.

As unsure as he was of Simon's intent, he found he still desperately wanted to be around him. He missed him last night and felt his heart thump painfully this morning when he didn't have the usual 'Good Morning' text waiting for him.

The hours passed. No sign of Simon. He checked his phone, nothing. He punched out at the end of his shift, numb but somehow still hurting as he walked home, limbs heavy with dread.

He ate dinner without tasting it, chewing and swallowing as he stared off at nothing. When he finished, he cleaned up and took something for the pounding headache he'd developed and laid down, checking his phone again.

Still no word from Simon. He wanted to message him, call him, go to his flat and beg to be let inside..

But did Simon want him there? He hadn't gone this long without saying anything to John since they'd started talking. Was the breaking point for Simon when John effectively ended the night early last night? Had he finally just decided John wasn't worth it anymore?

His heart clenched painfully.

He settled into bed for another restless night of sleep.

----------

Three days. Three days of hearing nothing. Three days of looking up every time the bell on the door clattered only to be filled with a flood of disappointment that swallowed him whole. Three days of barely sleeping or eating, jumping everytime his phone went off only for that same disappointment to drag him under.

Meg had stopped prying. He had dragged a promise from her that she and Allie wouldn't say anything to Simon. He didn't want pity from anyone, especially the man who had him so wrecked and was apparently unaffected.

The fourth day was when he finally made a decision. He would go to Simon's flat and.. and he wasn't sure. He wanted to know why he hadn't been enough. Why he never seemed to be enough for anyone.

He called Mr. Price to let him know he wasn't feeling well and that he couldn't make it in.

"Don't worry about it, kid. Hope you sort it out. Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

He was thankful for the older man in that moment as he ended the call and got dressed. It was too early to head to Simon's right now but he couldn't sleep. He bounced around the flat from room to room, trying to decide what he would say to Simon. Should he call him first? Text him at the least?

It was finally late enough in the morning, John having nearly worn a hole in the floor of the flat by now from his pacing. He started out toward Simon's flat, determined to figure this out.

A few long minutes later, he was standing at the door of the flat he'd found so much comfort in before he had started to doubt everything. He already felt his eyes welling up. He took a deep breath and knocked, nerves making his hands shake.

There were voices on the other side of the door. Plural. What? John knew he had a small home office in the same hall as the bedroom, so sounds from work shouldn't have traveled all the way to the front door. No. This was another person inside. Footsteps approached, the latch turning.

Simon cracked the door, mask firmly in place, naturally blocking the view of the flat with his body in the opening. His eyes seemed to widen with surprise at John standing before him. They both stared at each other in silence, John unable to form words at this point as he started and stopped a quiet sentence a few times.

Finally a voice bled around the edges of the door from inside, "Everything alright, Simon?"

John cut off before he spit out what he wanted to say, shocked into silence at the decidedly masculine voice he'd just heard. He snapped his eyes back to Simon's. Had he already moved on? Already had someone else in his flat this quickly? Had he been waiting for things to end with John? Had he even waited? Simon never said they were exclusive so had he been seeing other people the whole time?

"Y-yeah, everything's fine. Uh, give me a minute." He called into the flat as he stepped out the door, gently closing it behind him.

He felt sick.

"Johnny.. Are you o-" Simon started, quietly before John interrupted him.

"What was I to you?" He was fighting to hold on to anger, trying desperately not to let the hurt overwhelm him in the moment.

Simon stared at him stunned for a moment before John continued, "Why was I not enough for you?"

"What makes you think you weren't enough for me?" His voice was very quiet, soft. John could hear the hurt in the words.

"You haven't talked to me, seen me! It's like I didn't exist after you took me home that night. Like you didn't want me if I wasn't on my knees for you and now you have someone else in your flat. Already! It hasn't even been a week, Simon! Fuck!" He was shaking now, the hurt taking over as his anger faded, replaced with hot tears spilling over and down his face.

Simon's brow knit together for a second before realization hit, "Johnny.. That's my brother, Marcus. He stopped by to drop off some things he'd picked up for me on holiday."

John hesitated for a second, "You expect me to believe that?"

Simon gave a weak, watery laugh, "Come inside, meet him. Please." His eyes were pleading with John as he reached back for the door.

John didn't say anything, but followed behind him when he walked inside.

"Si, I should probably head ou- Is everything okay?" The stranger flicked his eyes back and forth between the two, John just realizing that his face probably looked like a mess from crying.

"Marcus, this is Johnny. Johnny, this is my brother, Marcus." Simon gestured between the two men as they stood tense at the edge of the kitchen.

Marcus shifted forward and held a hand out to Johnny, "Nice to finally meet you. Heard quite a bit. Hope all is well.." He trailed off, eyes flicking to Simon at the end.

John stared for a second before meeting the handshake, "Uh.. It's nice to meet you as well. I'm.. I'm sorry to have interrupted. I should get going." He made for the door.

"No worries! I'm just leaving, myself. Si, give me a call later, yeah?" Marcus nodded at them both and slipped out the door, closing it behind himself.

They stood awkwardly in the space, silence stretching between them.

"I'm sorry.. I-" John started.

"You are everything to me, Johnny." Simon cut his apology off with the words, barely over a whisper, "I have been out of my damn mind without you, trying not to go to the shop, call you, turn up at your flat. You said you needed to think. That you were confused. I.. I didn't know what that meant for us. I was trying to give you the space you needed to figure things out."

John stood silent while he processed what Simon just said. Simon was trying to give him space because he was confused? He was confused by the conflicting messages he'd been getting.

"Wait. What did you think I was confused about?" John asked.

"About us? About your feelings? I know this whole thing is new to you and I'd been trying not to overwhelm you. I worried that maybe I had after all." Simon ran his hand through his hair before realizing he still had his mask on from answering the door. He slipped it off and tossed it to the counter, scrubbing a hand over his face.

"I was never confused about the way I feel for you, Simon." John stared at Simon's face, the sight of which only reinforced how hard he had started to fall for this man.

"What were you confused about then?" Simon was shaking his head just slightly, trying to make sense of the situation.

John stepped a little closer, "I felt like you didn't want more with me. Like.. like I was only something you were passing the time with at arms reach." He hated the hitch in his breath when he said it.

Simon cursed, the sound almost a growl, "Fuck!" He took the few long strides needed to reach John, his hands coming up to cradle each side of his face as he leaned down and kissed him. Hard.

John hesitated for only a second before he melted into the touch. This was what he had been craving. Needing. He was powerless against his body's reaction as he kissed Simon back, a rough expression of all of the trapped feelings of the last two weeks spilling over. He felt new tears tracking down his face, tasted them on their lips.

Simon broke away, keeping his hold of John's face between his hands, "I have wanted more from the first time you kissed me in your flat. I have wanted everything you are willing to give me. I have wanted you to be mine entirely, the way that I'm yours."

"Simon.. what?" John's head was spinning, disoriented from the heady kiss, the confession playing out in front of him.

"I don't want this to be something casual." He stroked one of his hands down John's face as he looked him in the eye, "I don't want something simply physical with you. I want you in your entirety."

John's brow furrowed, "Why haven't you said anything? Whenever the topic comes anywhere near us you change the subject. You haven't wanted to put a label on anyth-"

"Johnny, this is brand new for you. I didn't want you to feel like you couldn't explore it without me if that's what you wanted or needed. I didn't want you to feel obligated to be with me or like I was rushing you. I know we play a lot, but I thought it was because you wanted to. I never meant to make you feel like that's all you were. You're so much more than that to me." Simon's breath was hitching now as his eyes ran a path across John's face, worry clear there.

John exhaled, a long, deep sigh as he leaned into Simon, bringing his arms around his waist. Simon held him there, his cheek to John's head where it rested on his chest. They grew quiet in the still of the room.

John finally whispered, "I thought you were getting bored with me because we hadn't slept together yet."

Simon tipped John's head back by his chin to look at him, "I'd never get bored of you, love. I've meant it every time I've said we can take as long as you want to, that we are working on your pace. I'm not missing anything, sweetheart, don't let yourself think I'm hung up on it."

Voice still low, wavering now, "I'm hung up on it, though.."

"Why's that?" Simon asked gently.

"Because I want to. I've thought about it a lot. I just.. I'm nervous and I didn't know how to ask." John looked away and gave a small shrug.

Simon stepped back and tugged him to the couch, "Sit. We'll talk about it."

John took his place on the sofa, Simon sitting a few feet away, giving John room to breathe.

"What are you nervous about?" His voice was soft, comforting. John had missed this so much.

"I know how it works, obviously, but what if I can't.. go through with it? You aren't a small man, Simon." He gave him a weak, lopsided smile.

"Oh, love.." Simon scooted a little closer and held his hand out to John, he placed his own against Simon's palm, intertwining their fingers. "You don't have to if you don't want to."

John started to interrupt, but Simon continued, "Were you assuming you had to be the one receiving?"

"Uh, yeah, actually.." John's words seemed less sure now.

Simon chuckled softly, "If that's what you want then we can work up to that, but only if it's because of your desire. I am more than enthusiastic about being in whichever position you would like me in. If you want to try, and only if you want to, we can start there."

John's face flushed and his hand involuntarily gripped Simon's harder at the thought. He hadn't considered the opposite pairing in depth. Simon sort of naturally filled a more dominant position in their relationship so he had assumed the same would be true when it came to sex. It was a blind judgement he'd made without realizing it.

"I.. I'm sorry. I didn't think- I assumed tha-" John began, stumbling over the words.

"No apologies. I'm sorry that I failed to show you how much you mean to me. You're much more than this.." Simon gestured his hand to John's body, "I told you before, I kept coming back because I wanted to know what was behind those beautiful gray eyes. The more I learn, the more I want to get lost in them."

Simon leaned in and kissed him slowly before he drew back just enough to speak against John's lips, "I am yours, Johnny. Have been since day one. Will you be mine?"

John immediately nodded, smiling hugely as he pressed to Simon to kiss him again, all teeth and small, breathless laughs.

"Yes, Simon, of course!"

Chapter Text

"You never told me you had a brother." John murmured against Simon's chest.

They had fallen over with each other on the sofa as they kissed in the aftermath of promising themselves to one another. No frantic, heated frustrations, but soft, gentle caresses of fingertips on faces and in hair, lips on skin as they worshipped one another's features.

They'd since shifted into a comfortable position, Simon lying on his back with John tucked under an arm, head against his chest.

"Mmm.. Family is kind of a sore subject for me." Simon replied as his hand danced across John's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." John squeezed him a little tighter.

" 'S alright. Mum and dad didn't appreciate my apparent lifestyle choice. Haven't talked to me much since I came out, bit against my will. Marcus is my younger brother, he was still living at home when they found out. It was tense for a while, but he and I are close now. I'd told him all about you. It's what we were talking about when you knocked." Simon chuckled a little, "I'm sorry you met him that way. He travels a lot and usually brings something back for me from wherever he has been off to. I'm sure he will be around in the future for you to properly meet."

"I'd like that." He paused, "I haven't told my parents. I'm nervous about that."

Simon kissed the top of his head, "Whenever and if ever you decide that you're ready for it, I'm here to support you regardless of the outcome. You know that."

"Aye. Thank you. For everything." John could feel the weight of the last few weeks drop from his chest as he lie there wrapped in Simon's arms. It felt like the world had been righted once more.

Simon just hummed a response as he continued to stroke his hair, lulling them both into sleep in the afternoon sunlight.

----------

John woke first, the shadows in the room indicating that they had slept a long while. He felt rested for the first time in days as he lay against Simon, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest, the slow and steady beating of his heart. The heart that belonged to John, same as his belonged to Simon.

He smiled and nestled closer, eliciting a sleepy groan from the man under him.

"Didn't mean to wake you, sweetheart." John mumbled.

"I need to get up anyway. Hardest I've slept in days.. Thanks for that." He patted John's back, asking him to let him up.

They sat on the edge of the couch, Simon rubbing a hand over his face and John stretching deeply with a groan. Simon stood and walked to the kitchen with John at his heels, he filled two glasses with water, placing one in front of each of them across the island.

John took a long pull on his before he felt the creep of embrassment touching the edges of his mood.

"I, uh.. I guess I should go." He looked to the door, face heating.

"I'd like for you to stay tonight, only if you want to, of course." Simon's eyes were eager but John could see him trying to restrain the excited light in them.

John laughed a little, relaxing some, "I'd love that, but I've got no clothes or anything with me."

"I don't think you necessarily need clothes tonight.." Simon set his glass down and rounded the island toward John, eyes darkening now, "If you don't want them, that is.."

The sentence trailed off as Simon grabbed John's hand from the counter and brought it to his own face, placing the pad of John's thumb against his lips. His mouth parted, tongue sliding out and sweeping across John's thumb before taking the digit into his mouth and caressing it there, eyes never leaving John's.

John's knees went weak and he used his free hand to catch himself on the counter as he let out a sharp sound at the sight.

"Fuck, Simon!" He breathed out, eyes getting hazy with want.

Simon pulled off of his thumb with a wet noise, placing a kiss on the pad of it before responding, "That's the idea.. Do you want to fuck me, Johnny?"

He groaned deep in his throat. He did, he absolutely wanted this. He wanted this and more.

"Fucking hell, yes, please!" John pushed himself up, grabbing the back of Simon's head and kissing him hard as his hands fumbled for the hem of Simon's shirt.

Simon chuckled against the kiss, "Bedroom."

The word was all he needed, John backed up, tugging his own shirt off and dropping it to the floor before he pulled Simon along with him down the hall. Simon had stripped his shirt off along the way and they fell into bed together, a tangle of limbs, flushed skin, and grabbing hands as Simon moved over John.

He fumbled with Simon's belt as he panted into his mouth, unwilling to be apart from his lips for a moment. He finally managed it and got to work on the button and zipper. Once he had them down, he reached inside, feeling the still staggering size of the man filling out under his touch. For as many times as he had felt Simon in his hand or his mouth by now, he was still a little taken aback at how big he was.

He squeezed him through the fabric of his boxers, and moaned, "God, Simon.. I've missed you."

A breathless laugh in return, "Me, or parts of me?"

"Cheeky bastard." He smiled at him as Simon's hand pulled John's belt free of the buckle, quickly gaining entry to his pants.

"Let me get you started?" Simon was kissing down John's neck now from where he was propped over his body.

"Mmm.. Please.." John closed his eyes in anticipation, lifting his hips as Simon worked the rest of his clothes off and tossed them to the side.

He felt Simon's hand wrap around him tight, sliding up and down a few times as he settled between John's legs. The wet lick up his length made him shudder, the cool air in the room drying the saliva on his skin. He only had a second to catch his breath before Simon sank onto him, a slow, persistent pace as he took more and more.

By the time Simon had him fully seated in his throat, John was already clutching the blanket under him, struggling to keep his hips from thrusting up, seeking more of the tight, hot sensation wrapped around him. Simon backed off almost entirely, working his tongue around the tip a few times and sending John into a series of shivers and curses before he plunged back down, starting a steady and punishing pace.

It wasn't long before John was tapping Simon's shoulder, "Hells bells, Simon, you've got to quit! If you keep going like that I won't be able to stop myself."

Simon pulled off of him, giving him a wicked grin as he wiped his lips on his palm dramatically, "So does that mean you still want more?"

"Yes.. Christ, yes." He spit out the words, hips still twitching, seeking friction.

"What do you want?" Simon asked, barely trailing his fingertips along John's length.

"I w-want to fuck you, p-please.." He felt the slick evidence of his arousal dripping onto his stomach, he was painfully hard by now between Simon's attention and the thought of finally taking it further with the man.

Simon's grin widened, he kicked off the rest of his clothes before he reached into the bedside table for a small bottle and a hand towel, setting both on the bed next to them.

"Switch me spots, yeah? You've got to get me ready to take you first. I'll walk you through it." Simon said, patting John's leg.

They rolled over one another, Simon ending up on his back, one leg on either side of John. Simon reached down to palm himself as he watched John.

"Remember, we can stop any time. I want you to enjoy this." Simon reminded him.

John nodded, "Just tell me what to do, gorgeous."

"Pop open that bottle, you'll need it. Gonna slide in one finger at a time, yeah? I'll tell you when I'm ready for the next. Easy movements, slow and steady." Simon was fisting his length now as it glistened in the low light of the room, movements easy and relaxed.

John did as he was told, rubbing gently against Simon with his fingertip until he felt him relax and give in to the steady, easy pressure. His slick finger dipping in slowly as he watched Simon's face, eyes closed, head tipped back against the pillows. Fuck, he was tight and this was considerably less substantial than other parts of him. He finally sank it fully inside, holding still for a second to let Simon get used to it.

After a moment, he felt Simon press down against the intrusion as he began to breath heavier. He took the cue and started to move in shallow motions, working in and out slowly, watching Simon for any sign of discomfort.

"More.." Simon breathed out after a few sliding passes.

John flipped the bottle open with his free hand, dripping more onto the area as Simon lightly hissed from the cold.

"Sorry, handsome." He gave a faint chuckle.

"So mean to me, Johnny." Simon opened his eyes to wink and smirk at the man positioned between his legs.

He worked his first finger out nearly all the way before pressing the tip of the second next to it, sliding them in slowly, side by side. Simon had one hand lightly gripped to the blanket and one hand stilled on his erection as he closed his eyes again, focused on relaxing his body.

John watched him, alternating between searching his face and posture for signs of discomfort and dropping his gaze to his fingers working slowly to open up the man under him. John couldn't help the escaping groan as he felt the last bit of his two fingers fully sink inside.

"Doing okay?" He asked Simon before he moved.

"Mmm.. God yes. You can start moving.. Slide them in and ou- Ah! Yes! Spread them apart, want to feel you stretch me on your hand. Oh, fuck! Just like that!" Simon was writhing under his touch now as he pumped his fingers in and out, slow and deep, opening them up and bringing them together as he worked.

He could feel Simon starting to loosen up as he went, pushing back onto his hand for more. John decided to try something. He hooked his fingers and angled his hand to press gently upward, sliding and seeking.

Simon's back bowed off the bed as he cried out, choking the noise back with a moan, "Fucking hell, Johnny!" He was panting hard as John continued to rub gentle circles over the spot inside of him for a minute before he relented.

John chuckled at the huff of disappointment from Simon as he whined, "No fair."

"I'm hoping to make it worth your while." John smirked at him and squeezed his hip with his free hand.

"One more first? Think you're the biggest I've had." Simon gave him a smirk.

"Oi, now you're just stroking my ego." John blushed anyway before working a third finger in, watching Simon's face tense at the intrusion, eyes closing as he focused on breathing slowly.

Finally he started pushing against John's hand before he'd even slid all the way inside, ready to take more. He let him move, choosing the pace as he fucked himself down onto John's hand, slow breaths out the window as he started panting hard again. He finally stilled and opened his eyes to look at John.

"Ready?" He asked, wiggling his hips a little.

John became suddenly aware of the aching throb between his hips at the word. He'd been so focused on Simon and the sights and sensations there that he'd tabled his direct pleasure for the time being.

"I'm more worried about you, love." John responded, still a little nervous.

Simon placed a hand on his wrist, slowly sliding his fingers out as he sighed at the empty feeling.

"We'll go slow.. I'll tell you to stop if it's too much." Simon smiled up at him, eyes glassy as he returned to slowly stroking himself.

John nodded, opening the bottle once more and dripping some into his hand before he slid it over his length, hissing at the chill.

Simon didn't say anything, but shook with a barely contained laugh.

"Oi! Hush!" John laughed himself.

He lined himself up against Simon, one hand holding it steady, the other returning to Simon's hip. He pressed forward, slow, steady. He felt the give as Simon relaxed further, opening up. He grit his teeth as the tip slipped in fully. Closing his eyes and trying like hell to remember how to breathe.

Simon let out a hard sigh that tapered into a low moan at the feeling. John looked at him, eyes searching his. There was nothing but pleasure and want in them. Simon stared back at him, eyes dark and heavy lidded, mouth parted slightly as his chest was rising and falling rapidly.

John's hand tightened on Simon's hip as he fought the urge to roll his hips into him. He waited for Simon to give him the okay to move.

It came just seconds later, "You can move, just go slow.. Fuck, you're big, Johnny."

He blushed again, and looked down at where they were joined, the sight making it feel like every muscle in his body was clenching in pleasure. He made a choked sound and made himself take a few deep breaths as he started to slowly slide forward into Simon.

The tight heat wrapped around him little by little as he watched Simon stretch around him. He continued the slow push accompanied by the soft huffs of breath and whimpers coming from Simon. He had one hand at his side, tugging at the duvet when the sensations overwhelmed him, the other hand was resting on his chest, rising and falling with his shallow breaths.

John watched the way he writhed and moved beneath him, his eyes taking in every detail. The way Simon's fingertips lightly dug into the bare skin of his chest, dimpling the muscle there, the way he blushed far down onto his neck and shoulders when he was this worked up, the light dusting of freckles across his shoulders making faint patters on his smooth skin. The way his plush lips parted with his soft breaths, the gentle crease between his brows as he concentrated, the flash of heat in his warm, dark eyes when he looked at John.

He was beautiful. He was John's as John was his. His heart pounded at the thought.

Simon moved beneath him then, pushing against him to sink fully onto his length.

Simon cried out, a small breathless sound, almost as if the air had been pushed from his lungs. John groaned low in his chest, dropping his head and closing his eyes. He tried to breathe through the feeling, not knowing how long he would be able to last like this.

He remained still, waiting for Simon to adjust. When he got the small nod from him, he started to pull back but stopped.

"Can I lean forward over you? Want to be able to kiss you, love." He asked, hopeful. He had been dying to feel Simon's lips on his, feel those soft pants of breath mingling with his own.

Simon grinned at him, eyes soft, "Please."

He carefully positioned himself over Simon, bracing himself up on his elbows as their lips met and moved together.

"Go ahead, Johnny. Easy." Simon breathed out against his mouth.

He started to slowly pull out, removing most of himself before he started to rock back in, finding a slow rhythm.

"Fuck, Simon.. You feel incredible. You're so perfect for me, love." He kissed everywhere he could reach on Simon's face, punctuating the words with them.

Simon tipped his head back on the pillow and started pushing against John again, faster this time, asking.

"Johnny, please.. Please fuck me." Simon begged, desperation in his voice.

John started rocking faster against him, feeling his hips hitting against the back of Simon's thighs on each stroke. He was trying to hold himself off, the feeling of being buried fully inside of Simon was pushing him quickly to the edge.

"Not sure how much longer I can last like this.. 'M sorry, love.." John spoke the words through clenched teeth, the effort to maintain the pace without finishing taking all lf his focus.

Simon started to reach between their bodies to grab himself when John beat him to it, wrapping a tight fist around him and stroking him in long, quick motions.

"So wet for me, love.. I want you buried in me next time. Want to feel all of you in me.. I- Ah!" His hips stuttered as he finished, pressing hard against Simon as he choked out unintelligible curses while the pulses worked through him.

Simon was right behind him, the rush of heat filling him when John finished pushed him over the edge as he found his release, covering himself and John in a heated rush of his own, John's name loud on his lips.

John waited where he was, kissing Simon gently as they both gradually stilled.

"When you pull out.. just go slow." He huffed the words out, still catching his breath.

John leaned back easily, letting himself slip free of Simon and grabbing the towel that was on the bed to place under him.

"Up." John lifted up on Simon to slide the towel into place before he let him back down and collapsed by his side.

Simon let out a long, hard exhale.

"How was that, handsome?" Simon asked as they lie on their backs next to each other, fingers intertwined and staring at the ceiling.

"Simon. I know it was amazing, for me anyway, but I'm going to have to get back with you on anything involving more thought. Blood won't make it back to my brain for another week if I had to guess." He gave a tired laugh and squeezed Simon's hand.

The returning laugh made his heart flutter as Simon responded, "We're on the same page then.. Good."

They lay still for a few minutes, fingers gently rubbing where they held hands. Finally John groaned.

"Don't like the sound of that. Sounds like you're getting up." Simon's voice was exhausted beside him.

"Aye. I'm going to get the shower started so we can get cleaned up." John reluctantly rolled over and stood up from the bed.

"You're a God, Johnny." Simon had turned on his side, eyes tracing up and down John's body, exposed in the low light of the room.

"I'll let you worship me next time, then." John winked at him and walked to the bathroom, cranking the tap and setting out towels.

He stepped back into the room and admired Simon's form for a second before he reached a hand out for him, "Come. Let me get you cleaned up, gorgeous."

Simon took the offered hand and stood with a light hearted grumble, stepping around John to walk to the bathroom.

John felt himself twitch with desire despite having just gotten off when he caught a glimpse of the evidence of their experience running down Simon's thigh. He bit his lip and followed him to the shower.

John took his time with Simon under the hot water, lavishing him with praise and thanks as he carefully washed all of him, making note of the face he made when John rubbed gentle circles into his scalp as he lathered his hair. It was one of absolutey relaxed happiness, pure and blinding. He knew he would take over that job from now on whenever they showered together, unable to resist anything that led to putting that look on Simon's face.

They stepped out and dried off, going to the bedroom where Simon pulled out two pairs of soft sweats from a drawer, offering a set to John.

"If you want to, we can run back to your flat and grab clothes instead." Simon hesitated, "If you still wanted to stay, of course."

John beamed at him, "Of course I do." He grabbed the pants and tugged them on, having to roll the waist twice so that they weren't dragging the ground.

"Love that. You look hot in my clothes." Simon eyed him with a sweetly possessive gaze.

John rolled his eyes, "What's for dinner? You made me work up an appetite and now you have to feed me."

"We make it official today and you're already becoming so needy.. tsk tsk." Simon was smirking at him as he walked toward the kitchen.

"Hush! You love it." John beamed right back at him.

Simon paused for a second, eyes softening, "I do."

Chapter Text

"I'm absolutely going to request that you cook more from now on. That was amazing." John collected their plates to wash up after dinner while Simon put away leftovers.

Simon rolled his eyes in response.

His phone vibrated on the counter with a phone call from Meg. Simon looked at the screen and back at John, one eyebrow cocked.

"I called in to work today, she's probably worried." John was wrist deep in dish water so Simon slid the phone over and answered it, putting the call on speakerphone.

"Hey, Meg. Sorry to leave you stranded today." John called over the sound of the running water.

"I don't care about that, John. Are you okay? I was worried. I know you've been having a rough go because of the whole Simon thing. I'm so sorry.. I really thought you guys had something good."

"Uhh, we-" John started, but Simon interjected.

"I think it's going pretty good, don't you, Johnny?" Simon had a smirk painted on his face.

"OH MY GOD, SIMON! JOHN!"

"Yes?" Simon asked, nonchalant as John laughed in the background, flicking soap bubbles at Simon from the water.

"My feelings are hurt. You didn't tell me you patched things up! I thought we were friends!"

Meg was laughing by now, too.

"It just happened, Meg. I came by Simon's this morning and we talked. I am sorry, I haven't had a chance to catch you up." John was drying his hands off, Simon kissing the side of his face. They couldn't seem to stay away from each other now.

"You've been there since this morning and haven't had a chance to tell me. Hmm.."

"Megan, I swear if you say what you're thinking I will never speak to you again." He was laughing again with the empty threat.

"Fine! Fine! But just know, we will be talking the next time I see you."

"Have a good night Meg." John ended the call and set his phone face down on the counter.

"She seems excited." Simon mused.

"I haven't been in a great place since you and I stopped talking. I made her promise that she and Allie wouldn't bother you. If you wanted to leave, I wanted you to be able to leave, not be guilted into staying." John's voice was small, eyes to the ground, remembering the ripping pain every time the thought of Simon burned through his mind while they were apart.

Simon pulled him into his chest and held him tightly, "I never wanted to leave. I just wanted you to be happy, Johnny."

"Good thing you make me incredibly happy." He kissed Simon's chest, "What are the plans for the rest of the night, handsome?"

"Well, I have some catch up to do on work I missed today," John started to apologize, but Simon wasn't having it, "Hush, I would do it all over again. But I do have to wrap up some stuff for this project. It will probably take me about two hours? I know it's already getting late, I'm sorry."

John shook his head, "Absolutely no worries, Simon. I am the one who kind of interrupted your day here. I'll put something on TV and lay with Ghost for a bit while you work. Might give Meg a call or text."

"Sounds good. I'm going to go get started. Let me know if you need anything?" Simon kissed his forehead before walking down the hall to his office.

John found the remote and settled next to Ghost's preferred spot on the sofa, running a hand over his soft white fur as he flipped through the channels. He decided to skip calling Meg but found himself scrolling through photos on his phone.

There was a few of him and Simon from the last couple of weeks before things had gone south. He flipped back and forth and smiled at them, only wishing he had more of him and Simon without the mask in place. Most of them were taken out on dates, selfies at the shore, snaps taken by Meg as Simon dipped John low and kissed him in front of an art museum. A photo taken from behind of the two of them walking hand in hand as the sun set to the side, flaming the sky in bright orange and red, he was looking forward and Simon had his head turned to look at John as they held hands. The look on his face made John's heart tighten in his chest. He never knew how the man looked at him from an outside perspective, obviously, but this photo that Allie had sent him after one of their outings was like a huge flashing sign.

John set the photo as his background on his phone. Silly, but it felt nice. A little piece of a claim staked on their relationship.

Relationship.

They were finally together. It had been the last thing John was anticipating when he came here this morning, sure that Simon had moved on. He thought of his brother then, slightly mortified that the first time he met him was with a tear streaked face and an accusatory look in his eye. He would have to sincerely hope for a second chance there.

Thoughts of Marcus brought to mind the conversation he'd had with Simon earlier in regards to his parents. He hadn't told them about Simon. He did finally tell them about Tiffany about a week after she finally moved out. His mother had called and asked how she was doing. He tried to keep the conversation short, telling her that it simply hadn't worked out.

His mother tried to push him to fix things, stating that Tiffany was a lovely girl and John was fortunate to have her. That he should do what he could to get her back and that she would even give John the family ring that had been passed down from his grandmother for her.

He finally had to tell her that Tiffany had already moved out and they hadn't spoken in over a week. That he didn't want to repair the relationship and he hadn't been happy recently.

"Well, sometimes it just takes work is all. We all go through spells, John. You two have been together long enough to be talking about marriage. You'll be wanting babies before too long, now."

"Maw, I'm not sure that's the life for me."

"Course it is, John! I know you're still young and still experiencing life, but you'll be there before you know it."

He felt the unease growing as he considered his parents reaction to learning about Simon, who's own parents had essentially removed him from the family when they found out. What would they do if both families isolated them? He hated the thought but knew he couldn't do anything to help it. If they were going to be that way, then they would both be better off without.

At least they had each other. They had friends that loved them both exactly how they were and they had a family within them that would support and care for them.

John heard the office door open as Simon padded softly down the hall to the living room, stopping short in the doorway to smile at him.

"All done. Ready for bed, sweetheart?" Simon's eyes were soft, gently crinkled up at the edges with the easy smile that came unbidden to his lips every time he looked at John.

His heart thumped again. This was right. This felt like home. Simon felt like home.

----------

In the morning, John stirred to Simon already awake and stroking the strands of his hair in slow, rhythmic motions.

"Mmm.. Going to put me right back to sleep like that." John curled closer to him with a sigh.

"You can go back to sleep, I didn't mean to wake you, just couldn't resist." Simon ruffled his hair.

John grabbed his phone and checked the time, groaning, "Can we just lay here for a bit? It's too early to get up."

Simon chuckled, "How on earth do you ever make it to work when you open at a cafe?"

"Sheer force of will, Simon. I'm a very stubborn man." John mumbled into the pillow.

"Oh, I know that." He tucked his face into the pillow to plant a kiss on John's cheek.

John groaned again, an exaggerated sound that drew a full laugh from Simon, and pulled himself up to sit against the headboard. His phone landed on the bed next to Simon, still unlocked, screen lit up.

Simon picked it up, staring for a long moment before he turned it to face John, "What's this, Johnny?"

"Allie took that. She'd sent it to me the day before we.. the day before we stopped talking. I forgot to show it to you. It was from the day we spent in the city with the girls." John smiled at the picture and then at Simon as he pulled himself up next to John.

"And you set it as your background?" Simon asked, voice shy.

"Of course I did. I love that photo.. Is it okay that I have it on there?" He grew hesitant as the words went on, concern swelling at the look on Simon's face.

"You aren't worried about someone seeing it?" Simon almost looked like he was afraid of John's response.

John grabbed his hand, bringing it to his mouth to kiss his fingertips, "Worried about someone seeing a photo of my boyfriend and I on my phone?"

Simon looked flustered in a good way, a smile tugging his lips and a very faint blush touching his cheeks.

"First the word has been said out loud. Feels a bit juvenile to get such a kick out of it." He flicked his eyes to John.

"I quite liked saying it." He leaned to kiss Simon's lips now, leaning back after they parted and looking at his face.

His eyes traced Simon's features in the early morning light, the pale shadows showing the angles it contained, the slightly overgrown stubble as John ran his fingertips over his jaw, his eyes the color of turned earth after a heavy rain..

His breath caught as he stared at him, reveling in the fact that this beautiful man was his.

He could tell Simon was starting to shift under his gaze, uncomfortable.

"I would never get bored of looking at you, Simon. You're the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting."

Simon turned his face down to hide against John's neck at the compliment. He lightly gripped Simon's chin in his fingers and turned his face back out to him.

"Hey-" He started.

"I know.. I know.." Simon closed his eyes against John's intense gaze.

"I don't believe you do." John said softly, his thumb stroking Simon's chin.

He placed his lips at the top of the scar, lightly, a faint and soft kiss before moving them down a fraction of an inch and repeating the action. He did this down the entire length of the mark before coming back to kiss his lips one more time.

John pulled back slightly, "Will you look at me please?"

Simon reluctantly opened his eyes, still tight on the edges.

"Do you know how my heart starts to pound when I see your face, your whole face? Do you know that every time I kiss you, I feel like the luckiest person alive to feel you under my lips? Do you know that I dream about this exact face in front of me? Do you know that I lo-" He stopped, snapping his mouth shut quickly. He hadn't meant to say that. It just flowed from him without conscious effort.

Sure, he had thought about it, but he hadn't voiced it out loud. Hadn't intended to now. He started to panic, heart racing for another reason entirely now. Would Simon be upset with him? Would he kick him out? They had only been seeing each other for a couple of weeks.

His eyes widened, waiting. He knew immediately that Simon guessed what he was going to say. He wished he could take it back.

Simon stared at him for a long minute before his eyes started to well up as they looked into John's.

"I know that I love you, Johnny."

He grabbed his face, bringing their lips together.

----------

"No! It was terrible! What kind of movie woul-"

John cut the sentence off as he walked into the entry way of his flat, Simon was behind him, one hand on his low back as he shut the door with the other.

"Maw, Da?" John was staring at his parents perched on his sofa, his father holding a paper in front of his face and his mother looking up from the book in her hand.

Simon dropped his hand from John's back at the words, the motion drawing his mother's attention.

"John.." She started, brow knitting together as she looked from John to Simon.

He cut her off, "What are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming to town."

His dad folded the paper and set it on the coffee table, "We wanted to surprise you. Your mother said you were having a rough go lately and she wanted to pop in."

John had forgotten that he'd given them a copy of the key when he first got the flat. They had helped him move down to the city and it was easier to get a spare made for them to come and go at the time.

He could feel the tension in the room, his father seemingly oblivious for the moment. His eyes were locked with his mother's.

"I'm sorry.. This is, uh, this is Simon. Simon these are my parents, Elsie and Lyle."

He stepped to the side and gestured to the man behind him in the entry. Simon stepped forward as John's parents stood from the couch. He extended his hand to each of them, greeting each of them kindly as they shook hands.

"Are you a work friend of John's, Simon?" His dad asked, cheerful.

Simon started to say something that sounded like an agreement and in the heat of the moment John cut him off.

"No, Da.. Simon and I are.. dating. We're together." John's eyes moved from one parent to the other, anxiety pressing in on him.

Chapter Text

His mother's mouth dropped open slightly as she moved her eyes between them. His father's brow was raised, eyes wide as he did the same.

John wasn't entirely sure what had possessed him to spill the truth in that moment. He probably should have talked to Simon first before throwing him into this situation, but the thought of lying outright to his parents, let alone at the expense of Simon made him cringe. He wouldn't have felt right passing the man he loved off as just some guy from work.

He was still wracking his brain for his next move when his dad broke the silence.

"Oh.. I feel like I'm missing something?" He sounded confused, looking at John's mother.

"He and Tiffany broke up, Lyle. I told you that's why we were coming down to see him, to try to help hi-" She cut off as if unsure of what she was about to say.

"Help me what?" John asked, staring at his mother pointedly and willing her to finish the statement.

She shuffled a little uncomfortably, "I wanted to come down and see if we could talk to you, maybe help you get on track to get Tiffany back."

He could feel the hurt edging into his eyes as he looked at her, he wanted to shout at her, but he couldn't find words.

John's dad shattered the tension in the room like a broken glass as he abruptly laughed. Every pair of eyes turned to stare at him in confusion.

"This is why I told ya not to meddle, Elsie! John's a grown man, he can figure it out on his own." He moved his eyes from John's mom to the two men still standing in the entry, "Looks like he has already."

"What?" John asked his dad, bewilderment colored his features.

"How.. how long have you been together?" His mother interrupted, brow still knit into a hard line.

John looked back at Simon, "Um.. Well we made it official three days ago, but we've been seeing each other a few weeks now.." He trailed off, nervous.

His mother looked hurt, eyes red rimmed now and voice quiet, "Why didn't you tell me?"

This wasn't the angry, shouting reaction he had expected from her, having assumed she would be the one most upset by the revelation. His dad had always been an easy going man, but his mother was historically more adamant about a life plan and what comes next. Much of that centered around Tiffany since the moment he had reluctantly introduced her to his parents and they immediately loved her.

"Didn't know how if I'm being honest. Last couple times we talked you went on about Tiff and.." He trailed off, leaving the words hanging heavy between them.

"You let me ramble about getting her back without mentioning you'd been seeing someone?" The look she was giving John was tearing his heart up.

He lifted his arms toward her slightly, like he wanted to reach out and hug her but he remained where he was, still waiting for the sharp words, the anger, th-

"I'm so sorry, John." She almost whispered the words in the quiet space.

"Sorry? For what?" He realized he had been holding his breath and let it out with the words.

"For making you feel like you couldn't talk to me. How long has it been like this?" She stepped forward now, eyes dancing between him and Simon as she reached for his hand, a few slow tears spilling over at last.

"How long have I been like this, do you mean?" He was quiet, wavering, eyes flicking between his parents.

She nodded.

He shrugged, the movement small, "Always. I just didn't quite know it until I met Simon.. I know you liked Tiffany and I know you wanted me to get married and give you grandkids, bu-" John was interrupted as he started to spill everything all at once.

"I don't care about that, John. I care about you. I always assumed you wanted those things." Her eyes searched his, mirrored wetness in both.

"See? This is why I've told you and told you to leave the boy be, Elsie. 'S his life, not ours." He turned and looked at John, "Are you happy?" The question was abrupt, no nonsense.

"More than I've ever been.." He let the sentence drop in the space between him and his mother.

"That settles it then." Lyle took the few strides to Simon and clapped him on the shoulder, "Simon, nice to meet you, pal. Thank you."

"For what exactly, Sir?" Simon's voice was a little rough from the tension of the situation.

"Making him happy." He reached down and grabbed the discarded paper from the coffee table, tucking it under his arm, "Now, I hate to be the one to ruin the moment, but I'm starving. Been stuck in the car what feels like all damn day." His dad grumbled.

John let out a watery laugh, "Um.. Yeah, sorry, Da. Would you guys like to go get lunch?"

He realized what he'd said after the words left his lips and he flicked a look back at Simon.

"Absolutely. Glad we will all get the chance to chat before I wither away." Lyle patted his stomach and gave Simon a smile before he continued, "Where should we go?"

His dad was nearly ready to walk out the door that second and John hesitated briefly.

"Ah, I think Simon has.. some work to.. catch up on?" He left it as a question, unsure as he lowered his eyes to Simon's mask and back up to his still tight eyes.

His mother waved a hand at it, "Oh, come on now! Work can wait for a bit, can't it?"

Before John could protest, Simon spoke up.

"You're absolutely right, Mrs. MacTavish." He replied, voice softening as he looked at her.

John could see the crinkle of his eyes as he smiled beneath the mask. There was still an edge of unease, but it lessened when he looked at John, making his heart race.

"Right. Let me go take care of my face." She gestured to the faint tear streaks there before she walked to the bathroom.

John's father stood in the doorway, throwing them a quick and knowing glance, "I'll be waiting out here." He shut the door, leaving Simon and John as alone as they could be.

"I'm so sor-" John started but Simon pulled his mask down quickly and kissed him before sliding it back into place.

"No apologies. I'm here for you, love." Simon gave his hand a squeeze.

"Your mask, though.. I didn't think about it. You can stay here if you'd like, I'll bring you something back. Or if you want to go to your flat I ca-" John's words were slowly getting more frantic.

Simon pulled him in for a hug, holding him against his chest, "They will either like me or not, sweetheart. My face won't be the thing to change it."

The bathroom door opened then and Simon let John go, taking a half step back as Elsie entered the room.

"Where's your Da?" She looked around the empty space.

"Waiting outside." John pointed to the door.

She grumbled ans headed to the door, "Most impatient man, I swear.."

The walk to the place had been quiet, largely small talk of how work had been going for John and about the drive his parents had. His dad complaining about other drivers on the road and the patch of poor weather they'd hit.

The restaurant they had chosen was slow that day which was nice. John requested a table in a corner, as was typical when he and Simon went out, and they were able to be seated immediately. John held out the chair that backed the room for Simon out of habit before taking his own seat. His parents eyes had been on him for the process, brows perked.

The small talk continued as they waited for their food to arrive, both parents flicking glances between John and Simon periodically before looking back at each other. They asked Simon about his work and things he liked to do, finding out that he and Lyle both loved to golf, starting them on a long conversation about different courses they'd each been to, to which John groaned.

Their food arrived at last and John slipped his hand under the table to squeeze Simon's knee, like he had done the first time he met the girls.

Simon slipped his mask off in his usual fashion and kept his eyes down, not looking at John's parents.

"Say, Simon.. What happened there?" His dad asked, gesturing to his own face with his fork.

"Lyle!" His mother half shouted, slapping at him at the same time that John gave his own exclamation, "Da!"

His father raised his eyebrows and shrugged, "My apologies, guess that did come off rude."

For as curious as John had been, he'd never asked Simon to explain the scar, assuming he would tell him when and if he wanted to. Now he had a spotlight on him.

"No need to apologize. I know it's.." Simon started, shifting uncomfortably.

"Don't have to answer, love. You're fine." John gave his dad a sharp look.

"I know. It's alright, though.. I was in a rough accident when I was younger and more reckless. Had just got my license and thought I was a better driver than I was." He gave a bit of a laugh and gestured to his face, "I was lucky I got off with just this."

John was staring at him now, "So that's why you always have me drive whenever we take a car?"

"Hated being behind the wheel since. Makes me nervous." He shrugged and smiled at John, "Hope you don't mind."

"Just means John's got a long drive when you both come up for the holidays. He'll be fine." His mother smiled at them both.

"Holidays?" John asked, attention pulled from Simon's face now.

"Of course, John. Don't tell me you planned on skipping out?" She sounded hurt.

He shook his head, "Well, no.. I-"

Lyle slid his plate away on the table and stared at John, "We want ya both there, John. Got to introduce Simon here to the rest of the family, anyway."

"So you guys are fine? With everything?" John asked, hesitant.

"Of course." His mother grabbed John's hand, "Our biggest concern is you being happy. I'm sorry if I didn't make you feel like you could be yourself around us, John. This is all new for us, but if you can give us grace, we will do what we can to make you both comfortable."

He felt his throat get tight as he looked at Simon.

"Guess we could have asked if you planned on visiting Simon's family for the holidays first.." His dad trailed off as he shot a glance to his mother.

"N-No.. We won't be going to see them. They, ah.. they don't speak with me much." Simon stumbled over the words, unsure of what to say.

Lyle's eyes softened at Simon for a long moment, "Then good thing we've plenty of space. You can both stay with us in the guest room as long as you'd like."

----------

His parents were set to be in town a couple of days and he suggested they stay at his flat. It was only the one bedroom, but most of his everyday things had somehow migrated to Simon's flat anyway. He would stay with him while they were in town and they would meet up during the day to spend time together.

He would catch his parents staring at him and Simon periodically when they were holding hands or as Simon leaned to give him a quick kiss, their eyes never hardening at the gestures.

He had been so worried for this moment. Not just about his parents finding out about him, but about introducing them to Simon. He had felt sure they would be angry or disappointed in him but they had surprised him, taking a quick liking to the man who had his heart.

By the end of their stay, his dad was telling him all about how much fun they would have together at some of the golf courses in Scotland when the weather was nice. His mother had taken to regularly fussing with Simon's coat or scarf when the wind blew, worrying over him like she had always done with John.

When they parted ways the last night, his mother pulled him to the side while Simon and his dad talked.

"John.. Never feel like you can't come to me. I'll always love you for everything that you are. I'm glad you're finally living your life and not the one you think I want for you." She swiped a finger under her eyes as she blinked up, willing the tears away.

He wrapped her in a tight hug, "Thank you, Maw. For everything. I love you."

They said their goodbyes to one another and just like that, John's parents were on the road again, leaving them standing in front of John's flat.

John let out a huge sigh and ran a hand through his hair, "Well, that was an interesting few days.."

"I'll say. Did you want to grab anything here before we go home?" Simon asked casually.

"I am home." He chuckled, "Figured you'd want the break from me since I've been staying with you so much."

"Never, Johnny." Simon kissed him then against the door of the flat. "I don't want to push you, if you want to stay here, you absolutely can, but I'd love nothing more than to repeat this morning every day. I love waking up next to you."

"Simon, are you asking me to move in?" John's eyes scanned his face with a small smile pulling his mouth up.

Simon blushed and looked away, "Ghost likes you. He would get to see you more, just looking out for his best interest, you know.."

John shoved up on his toes to kiss Simon, heat slowly growing between them.

"Let's go home, then."

Chapter Text

They stumbled up to Simon's flat, the fire between them unable to be suppressed much longer, hands tugging each other forward. John was leaning up to plant kisses along Simon's neck while he fumbled to unlock the door, laughing out a breathless stream of curses.

The door opened and they nearly fell inside, Simon kicking it closed behind them and barely reaching the latch to lock it back before John was on him again, pulling at his jacket.

"Off." He stated, still pulling.

"Okay, okay! Needy thing, aren't you?" Simon was smiling at him as he shed the jacket and started on the pullover that was under it.

By the time he had gotten it off, John was already pulling his belt through the buckle and yanking on the button under it, eager to get the man in front of him stripped down.

Simon assisted the endeavor, sliding the last of his clothes off in one motion, kicking his shoes off with his jeans and tossing his mask to the counter. John's hands slowed on his own zipper as he stared at Simon standing bare before him.

"For the love of all, Simon.." He breathed out as his eyes trailed up and down the expanse of skin over muscle in front of him.

"You flatter me. Why are you still dressed?" Simon crossed his arms on his chest and shook his head at John with a tsk tsk.

John winked at him, "Come undress me if you don't like it.."

Simon growled low in his throat and narrowed his eyes at John, taking the few strides to reach him where he had started to back away, smile playing on his face. Simon ducked down, wrapping his arms around John's thighs and quickly hoisting him up and over his shoulder. John was hinged at the hip, Simon's arm wrapped tightly around the back of John's thighs, holding him in place as his hands scrambled for purchase on Simon's exposed back.

He tried to wiggle free half-heartedly and giggling and was met with a sharp, stinging slap on his ass and a chuckle from Simon.

"Be glad you've still got pants on, Johnny." He could hear the grin in Simon's voice.

They were stepping through the door to the bedroom now and John's fingers clenched into loose fists with the anticipation. Simon tugged him free and dropped him onto the bed, he bounced once and before he came to rest again, Simon's hands were grabbing harshly at the waist band of his undone pants. He yanked them free and tossed them to the side, John groaned and started to sit up to reach for Simon.

"Ah, ah, love.. I recall a request you made a few days ago while you were buried inside me that we still haven't addressed.." He trailed off, looking at John as he waited for him to figure it out.

He wracked his brain. What had he requested? He knew he had cursed and swore and praised while he was consumed with the sensation of Simon's body wrapped around him.. but requested?

"You said you wanted me buried in you next time.." Simon leaned over John now, kissing his lips in a barely there brush, "That you wanted to feel all of me inside of you.." He leaned back, coming to stand again next to the bed and rubbing himself slowly with his palm as he watched John, "Is that still what you want, sweetheart?"

John's eyes zeroed in on Simon's hand sliding over the shape that was rapidly filling out under it. He felt light headed with the thought, nervous energy and desperation wrapping around his throat as he made a strangled sound and nodded.

Simon tilted his head, a reminder.

"Yes.. Yes, I want you inside of me." He was starting to squirm under Simon's gaze, eyes trailing every inch of exposed skin before him as his teeth found his bottom lip.

Simon gave him a face splitting grin and leaned down to kiss him, pushing him back up and onto the bed fully as he came to rest above him. He kissed all over John's face and lips before backing off just enough to whisper words against his lips.

"I'll go slow, love.. We can always stop if you don't like anything or you change your mind." He waited until John nodded to continue, "I'll always take care of you, Johnny.."

John groaned under him at the words, rolling his hips up against Simon, urging him to keep the momentum going.

"We'll start here unless you want to move onto your stomach? Whatever is most comfortable." Simon trailed more kisses down his throat as he waited for John to decide.

He considered it for a few seconds, "Um, can I roll over? Just to start at least.." He trailed off, sounding shy in the request as a blush crept in on his face.

Simon smiled at him, "Oh, absolutely."

He got to the side of John, giving him room to roll over. Once he was in position, Simon got up from the bed, gathering the bottle from the night stand, a hand towel, and a pillow.

Simon softly tapped the inside of his legs in a silent request and John obliged, spreading them further apart. He felt the mattress shift as Simon got back on the bed behind him, settling between his legs. Hands on his hips now, easily tugging them up as Simon slid a plush pillow under him. It was covered with the gently abrasive fabric of the towel and John moaned and rolled his hips as Simon reached to adjust his length onto it in a comfortable position before letting him settle his weight back onto it.

He felt exposed, vulnerable as he lie there turned on and desperate for Simon's touch. He didn't have to wait long, Simon shifted and John felt hands on his shoulders, light, grazing brushes of fingers. They trailed down from his shoulders to cross over his back, following the line of his spine as it dipped in its arch that was accentuated by the pillow beneath his hips. He moaned and rocked against the pillow again as Simon's fingers grazed the swell of his ass and gripped him briefly.

"You're a fucking work of art, Johnny.. Love seeing you like this, watching you shiver under my touch.." He trailed his hands back up and repeated the path, drawing a gentle shudder from John once more.

John hummed happily in response and melted further onto his arms folded under his head as he deepened the sway of his back. Simon inhaled sharply and let out a deep sound of his own at the sight.

"Ready to start?" Simon asked as he planted wet, open mouthed kisses at the top of John's thighs.

"Mmm.. Yes, please.." John was practically purring by now, desperate to feel Simon's fingers on him, in him.

He heard the snap of the bottle followed by a bit of silence before Simon gently pressed against him, no insistence, just a soft pressure in slow, small circles.

"No payback for last time with the cold?" John chuckled and wiggled his hips.

Simon sighed and John could hear the amused smile in it, "You paid yourself back with that.. I just want to take care of you, love."

His words had softened at the end, making John's heart flutter. He knew Simon would take care of him, trusted him completely.

John pushed back slightly onto Simon's finger, feeling it start to slip inside. The sensation was different, intense but in a pleasant way. He waited and let Simon start working the digit in deeper, he was moving slowly, free hand reaching up to gently rub along John's low back and hips as he worked, making him melt even further into the feeling.

"That's all of it, how do you feel?" Simon asked as he worked his finger slowly, caressing John.

"Good.. really good. More?" John panted out the request.

The absence of the intrusion, the snick of the bottle again and seconds later, John felt Simon starting again just as he had before, rubbing lightly until he felt John give under him. He pushed back slowly, feeling the stretch of the second finger and breathing out heavily.

Simon continued to touch, light and soft pressure with his free hand along any part of John he could reach as he let praise spill from his lips.

"You're doing amazing, opening up for me like this.. Letting me make you feel good, letting me take care of you and get you ready to take me." Simon's voice had a rasping edge, a sign that he was already painfully hard as it was.

The thought of that made John push back further onto the fingers behind him, wanting to open up so he could feel all of Simon inside of him.

Simon gave him a breathless chuckle at the movement, approving and hungry, "Yeah? Someone's eager."

"More." John breathed out, still grinding back onto Simon's hand.

Simon turned his hand slowly, fingertips sliding and seeking as he pressed gently down, looking for the same spot John had found in him before.

John's choked cry broke the relative quiet of the room, a little high and loud, letting Simon know he found his mark. His hips immediately grinding down onto the pillow under him as he rocked forward and then back, wanting more of it. All of it. The sensations were crawling up his spine and making his head hazy with want.

Simon worked him here for a minute as he relished in the sounds coming from John, the writhing, desperate movements.

"More, please!" John was needy, ready to fully beg if that's what it took to get more of Simon.

A moment later, he felt the push of a third digit, the stretch making him hitch his breath for a second as he made himself relax around it.

Simon moved more slowly with the third finger firmly in place, pushing gently to open John up for him, trying to make the process easier on him. John could hear his shallow breathing, could feel the slight shake in the free hand that was still rubbing and gripping his back and waist and thighs.

Once he finally fully relaxed around Simon's fingers, he heard him ask gently, "Are you ready for me, gorgeous?"

"Yes." John felt his body clench at the thought, drawing a growling sigh from Simon.

"Do you want to stay where you are or do you want to move at all?" He felt Simon pulling his hand away, leaving him empty and wanting.

John took a second to consider it, "Here? Think it might be easier for me."

Simon leaned down and planted a trail of open mouthed kisses and soft bites across the curve of John's ass as he reached for the bottle again.

John squirmed in anticipation, gasping slightly at the touch of Simon lining himself up against him. He sighed and pushed back, eager.

"Easy, we'll get there, love.. I'm going to go slow. Nothing should hurt, maybe a bit of a stretch, but if you're in pain, tell me." Concern for John dominated the desire in Simon's voice making him blush as he nodded.

"Yes. Please, I want to feel you, Simon." He stopped trying to push against him and settled for just rolling his hips in a small, easy circle, pressing his length against the resistance of the pillow on each pass.

Simon started leaning into him now, one hand on his low back, caressing him, grounding him as he pressed farther inside. John was trying to remind himself to breathe through it, willing his body to remain relaxed.

With one more exhale, John felt Simon still as his tip fully entered him. He moaned out at the foreign feeling, fingers twisting into the sheets as he buried his face into the pillow at his head.

Simon's hand came up to the back of John's neck and lightly gripped him there, "Oh, sweetheart, let me hear those beautiful sounds.."

John turned his head back out from the pillow and looked over his shoulder at Simon. The look in his deep, dark eyes, pupils blown wide with his arousal, sent John reeling. He groaned out again, eyes squeezing shut as he leaned back against Simon, taking a little more of him.

Simon took the hint, slowly sliding further into John, stopping to let him adjust whenever he saw him tense. Once he hit the halfway point he started slowly rocking back and forth in very short strokes, deepening the connection each time until he finally bottomed out against him.

John was panting under him, each breath that left his lips tapering off to a moan or whimper dotted with soft curses and reiterations of "Please.. Yes.. More.."

Simon leaned over John's prone body, fully sheathed in him now, and kissed across his shoulders, hand gripping his bicep, keeping him securely in the moment.

"Look at how fucking beautiful you are, Johnny.. How fucking good you are, taking all of me like this. You feel incredible, love." Simon praised between touching his lips to John's skin.

He couldn't help but whimper at the words flowing over him, wanting to please Simon so badly. He pushed back.

" 'M good.. 'M yours, Simon. All yours." John mumbled, face half turned to the pillow again.

Simon started to slide back, the pull and friction making John fist his hands into the blankets tighter as he chased the feeling briefly before Simon started back into him. He kept his thrusts slow and short, never pulling more than half way out, eventually settling into a gentle rock of the hips. The movement kept them tight together, but pressed all of the right buttons for them both as Simon pushed down into John before he rolled his hips up at the end of each motion.

They were both breathing heavily, John couldn't control what he was saying at this point, lost completely in the feeling of himself spread open over Simon as he took his time over him.

"Won't be able to last long with you gripping me like this, love.. You feel so fucking good.." Simon's breath was getting more ragged with each thrust.

John became aware of his own neglected hardness under him at that, realizing he was also close, between Simon stretching him open and the gentle friction of the towel under him, he might have enough to get t-

It was like Simon read his mind. He leaned back up and grabbed John's hips, tugging him up higher with him so that his length was hanging freely under him. Simon reached around, grabbing him in a loose fist, spreading the slick arousal that had soaked John up until now.

He stroked him in time with his thrusts as he sped up slightly, pushing both of them to reach their peak.

"Fill me up, Simon, please.. I want to feel you.." John was pushing himself back harder now, desperate to feel Simon come undone for him. Because of him.

Simon squeezed and rolled his wrist on his next pass along John's length, pushing him over the edge as he covered the towel under him with his finish, crying out and yanking at the sheets under him.

The feel of him tightening in his finish made Simon lose all control, his pace stuttered once.. twice..

John heard the choked growl leave him as he felt the pulsing, the flush of heat filling him, the indication that Simon found his release within him at last. He ground his hips against him as he rode out the last waves of sensation.

Simon waited a few seconds as they tried to catch their breath before asking, "Are you okay, sweetheart?" His hands gently rubbing John's back.

"Mmm.. never better. Can't believe I waited so long for that." He let out a little laugh.

Simon returned the laugh and reached to pull the pillow out of the way, "Are you ready? I'm going to pull out slow, I've got the towel here and I'll get the shower going while you wait."

John nodded, feeling Simon slowly slide free of him followed by the rush of liquid start to slip down his thigh before Simon pressed the towel in place as he shifted to lay on his back, taking the towel from him.

"Thank you." John smiled up at him.

"Thank you. I'll be back to carry you in." Simon stood and kissed the soft space between John's eyebrows before walking toward the bathroom.

He heard the water turn on and Simon shuffling to get the bathroom set up for them. He was exhausted, but so deeply into a space of feeling wanted, cared for, cherished, loved that he felt his throat tighten with the overwhelming emotion.

Simon stepped back in, worry crossing his face immediately as he quickly crossed the distance to the bed, reaching out, "What's wrong?"

John smiled at him and pulled him in for a kiss, "Just really lucky. Just really love you, Simon. That's all."

Simon's face relaxed a little and he looped his arms under John, lifting him up off the bed and kissing him back, "I'm the lucky one."

Chapter Text

Epilogue

"For Simon!" John called out in the middle of rush from the pickup counter.

The man was only just walking in the door, John already holding the cup out for him with a huge smile. Simon approached the counter and rolled his eyes, grabbing the cup from John and turning it to read the message, interested to see what it was today.

I can feel something brewing between the two of us!

"I'd hope so, you daft bastard, we've been living together for two months." Simon laughs and rolls his eyes again, leaning across the counter and using his free hand to pull his mask down before tugging John by the strap of his apron to meet his lips.

The kiss lingers, searing for a moment until Kyle clears his throat loudly.

"Ahm, John? Can you go back to your station now?" He had his arms crossed in mock upset at him.

"I'm going, I'm going!" He smiled at Simon again as they parted over the counter and he walked back to his spot.

Before Simon left the counter, he turned to Kyle and gave him a smile, "Oh, I called in lunch for everyone. Should be here soon. Thanks for sharing the counter, man!"

Kyle grinned back, "Didn't know there was a food incentive! I'll let him have it more often if that's the case."

Simon rolled his eyes and winked at John, "See you when you get home, handsome."

John smiled as he walked back out the door. Meg cleared the last customer from the til and turned to John.

"You both disgust me with your love. I can't get enough. Did you guys decide if you're going to your parents for the holiday?" She perked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, taking a week. Simon is a little nervous, but I think it will go well. They seemed to really like him when they were in town. Think he's in his head a bit about his own parents and it's worrying him that mine might change their mind about us, about him." He shrugged, leaning his hip on the counter, unbothered.

"Think they will?" She sounded a little worried at the prospect.

He shook his head, "Nah.. Ever since they left town she talks my ear off every time she calls wanting to hear about how he's doing. I think it took both of them a bit to get used to the idea, but they're both excited that we are coming up."

"Good. Now, how can I talk you into baking me something delicious before you run off to Scotland? Should be settled in that fancy new kitchen of yours by now.." Meg was almost bouncing with excitement.

"Soon, ya vulture!" He snapped a towel at her before he walked to the back to talk to his boss about the time off.

----------

"John! Come help me clean up a bit." His mother called from the doorway of the kitchen to where he lay sprawled on the sofa, Simon's head on his lap as he trailed his fingers through the soft blonde strands there.

He groaned.

"Maw, I'm about to burst, I ate so much. I'll wash it up later, come sit!" He was hopeful it would work, he had certainly overdone it and didn't want to move right now.

They had just finished eating their holiday meal, family scattered around the furniture, nearly everyone heavy lidded and relaxed. Quiet conversations broken into groups, the TV on softly in the back, warring with the music his mother had playing in the kitchen. His dad had already fallen asleep in his chair, head tipped back. From the looks of it, Simon wasn't far behind him.

"John Michael MacTavish, get in here!" She had stepped back into the kitchen by now, not bothering to poke her head back in the room.

He sighed and patted Simon's shoulder to let him up. Simon sat up and looked at him, eyes heavy.

"Wa-" He cut off in a yawn, "Want some help?"

"You're alright, love. Be back in a bit." He kissed Simon's forehead and got up to go to his mother.

She was standing leaned against the counter to face him when he came in and she had a very serious look on her face. John stopped as he entered, watching her eyes dart to the door to make sure he was alone.

"Everything alright?" He was slowly approaching her, worry shrouding his face now.

She nodded and he saw the tears in her eyes now. He crossed the last few feet to her quickly and pulled her against him in a tight hug.

"What's wrong?" He was starting to panic, about to call for his father when she finally pushed back a little to look at him.

"Nothing, my sweet boy. Nothing wrong. Just wanted to talk to you alone." She smiled at him, it twisted something in his chest.

"About what, Maw?" He stepped back a bit now, watching as she reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a small box.

His brows knit in confusion.

"When we came to see you some months back, I had brought your Great Granny Cora's wedding ring with me. Thought you might use it for.. Well.. Not important." She shifted a little and held the box out to him, "When we got home I dug around and found this. Been hanging on to it for ya since. It belonged to your Grandda Angus. Not sure if it will fit but it can always be sized, he was just a slip of a man.." She trailed off with a chuckle.

John flipped the box open to a wide gold band, the head of a thistle engraved on its surface. He had always loved this ring and often wondered what had happened to it when his Grandda passed years ago. He stared at it for a long minute in silence.

He felt the tears starting to build up, threatening to spill over, his throat tightening.

"Not sure if it will fit who, Maw?" He looked up at her, meeting her softened gaze.

"Simon, sweetheart. Seen the way you are together. Might be a little early of me, but I wanted to make sure you had it just in case. Never know when the right moment will come. If it comes." She reached out to pat his arm and he pulled her tight into a hug, leaning down to bury his face in her shoulder as the tears came.

"Are you serious?" He mumbled into her hair, keeping his voice low.

"Of course. The way he loves you and takes care of you? He's family already, John. Your Da and I talked about it nearly the whole ride home that day. He wanted you to have this. Now if it isn't Simon's style, I don't think he'll be offended, just knew you liked it and wanted you to have the option of a family piece." She patted his back as they stood in silence for a few long minutes.

She finally pulled back, hands on John's shoulders as she looked at him, "I'm proud of you, John. You've become a wonderful man. Now go put that away and let's get back out there with everyone."

He nodded and wiped his face with his palm as he walked to the hallway that led to the guest room where their bags were stashed.

He turned his head before he crossed the threshold and said softly, "Thank you."

----------

John got to work and was beaming at Meg as he punched in, "Thanks for bringing those in today. And for letting me make them at your place for that matter."

"Should be praising my immense will power for not eating every last one while I was unsupervised." She mumbled as she unpacked the pastry boxes he had filled in her kitchen last night.

He gave her a sideways hug as he grabbed the smallest box to tuck away, kissing her loudly on her temple, "You're the absolute best."

He had gone to Meg's place the previous evening to work on a project. He had told Simon he would be hanging out with her since Allie was out of town on a work trip. It was true, she was, but that wasn't why he had gone. He had something in the works for today and couldn't let Simon get any ideas.

It was their anniversary weekend and Simon had told him he had made plans for a date celebrating it tomorrow, which was the actual date. One year. Some days it didn't seem like it had been that long, everything leading to now a blur. Some days it felt like he had known Simon his entire life. They had somehow both carved a space out of the others chest to call home and drifted in that wonderful existence side by side.

They worked through the rush and as usual, as soon as it started to die, Simon came into the shop. This was their routine. Despite living together and seeing one another every day, Simon still made a break in his work daily to come see John here. Sometimes bringing lunch or snacks to his coworkers. Sometimes just popping in to steal a kiss and tell John he loved him.

When John asked him why, Simon simply said he missed him. His heart had melted and he started getting Simon's tea together himself around the usual time he stopped by, practically shoving Kyle out of the way to hand it to him, making sure to write a stupid pun or joke or pickup line on the cup each time. Usually earning him an eye roll, but always getting a kiss across the counter at the deal.

Simon waved to Meg as he walked to the pickup counter, anticipating his tea and looking slightly confused when John didn't hold it out. He cocked an eyebrow at him in question.

"Bit of a delay today. Want to take a seat and I'll bring it out?" John asked, his eyes sparking with excitement and nervous energy.

"Okay.." Simon trailed off, looking at all three of the people behind the counter with a light hearted suspicion but turning to go to his usual table anyway, taking a seat with his back to the counter.

John grabbed the pastry box from under his station and the cup from the end of the line, the one he had written on earlier. His hands were shaking.

Meg put her hand on his shoulder and leaned in close, "You've got this, babe."

She nudged him toward the end of the counter. He swallowed and took a deep breath, then he walked to the table.

He set the box down first, taking his seat next to Simon, setting the cup on the furthest edge from him and keeping it turned specifically away from him.

"What's this?" Simon asked, nodding to the box.

"Open it." He watched as Simon popped the top open and smiled, "Did you make these? When did you make these? They look great."

"Fern cakes.. Try one. Ma's recipe. Want to hear a story?" John asked, knee starting to bounce now with the nerves.

Simon nodded as he tugged his mask down and took a bite, John continued, "I made these for you once before. It was before the night in my flat. I hadn't seen your face yet and was desperate to. Stayed up late baking these, packed them all up and brought them here. You left that day before I could bring it to you. Been dying for you to try them since."

"All that effort for this?" Simon gestured to his face and gave John a lopsided smile, "These are absolutely amazing, by the way. I love raspberry. You're endlessly talented, darling."

"Anything for this.." John started, hearing his voice start to waver and seeing Simon catch it, his eyes narrowing a little in more easy suspicion.

Before he could say anything, John took to leap, "One more thing.."

He slid the cup to Simon, letting him grab it from the table.

He turned the cup, looking for his usual joke or pick up line.

His eyes froze when they traced the ink.

Marry Me?

John gave him a second to take in the words before he dipped down to one knee, pulling the ring he'd had resized weeks ago out of his pocket, engraved thistle catching in the light from the window.

"Si-"

He was nearly tackled, Simon grabbed his face and pulled him up, lips crashing together in a clumsy kiss, all teeth from his smile.

"Is that a 'yes'?" John laughed out when he finally got to pull in a breath.

Simon rolled his eyes, "Obviously, Johnny."