Archive of Our Own ^beta

The door clicked shut. Akaashi stared  at the doorknob.

“I’m sorry about..” he pressed his lips together, “I’m sorry that  happened.”

Bokuto was fumbling with something in the living room behind him.

“What do you mean?” he asked gently, voice so soft.

He already knew what he meant.

Akaashi turned on his heels.

Bokuto’s eyes were the only eyes he could look into and not feel the slightest hint of discomfort or anxiety, yet this time he couldn’t hold his gaze for more than a second, guilt clawing at his stomach.

“I ruined our day.” At least his voice wasn’t breaking with tears.

He noticed Bokuto tilt his head.

“You didn’t ruin anything, Keiji.”

“No,” he rushed, “I- I…” Great, now it was breaking.

He took a shaky breath, “I did. We barely get to see each other at this point, and for once we had a whole day we could spend together, just the two of us just-”, he cursed himself and the lump stuck in his throat. “And I get randomly triggered by the dumbest, smallest shit-”

“It wasn’t dumb-”

“And then POOF,” he gestured widely with his arms, “I’m shaking like a… like an idiot! And you’re worried and all the people at the restaurant are watching, our whole day is ruined and I-...” he trailed off, bringing his hands up to cover his eyes.

Of course making a scene in public wouldn’t be enough, he had to keep being annoying all the way through, whining and getting angry… at who exactly? The only person who had decided to bear  the burden Akaashi was? Why was he leashing everything out?

Bokuto didn’t deserve this, Bokuto deserved way more than some attention seeking boy who could only complain and pity himself without ever doing anything good or worth mentioning, Bokuto…

“Keiji.”

Akaashi sucked in a breath.

“Keiji, hey, look at me.” His voice almost sounded like the one you’d use to call an injured cat on the sidewalk.

How pathetic. Yet how comforting.

He slowly pulled his hands away from his face. Bokuto reached over and intertwined their fingers.

Akaashi knew if he were to look Bokuto in the eye right now, he would start crying, floodgates open, a complete mess. But he needed those eyes, the relief they gave him, the warmth they held.

“Hey”

Akaashi turned to face him.

“It’s alright.” And he smiled.

And Akaashi cried. Floodgates opened. A complete mess.

Luckily Bokuto was there to hold him, as always.

Akaashi was sobbing so hard his head began to ache, and he was probably soaking Bokuto’s shirt with his snot and tears but he didn’t care, he’d buy him a new one. He’d buy him a thousand new shirts, as long as Bokuto let him cry on his shoulder. Literally.

After calming down, Akaashi tried his best to speak, face still pressed to Bokuto’s chest.

Bokuto chuckled.

“Keiji, baby, I have no idea what you just said.”

Akaashi sniffed and gave a short, wet laugh.

“I said I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scream.” He croaked out and lifted his head to look Bokuto in the eye.

He combed Akaashi’s head with a hand, moving the strands that had fallen before his eyes, now big and glossy with tears.

“It’s okay,” he reassured, “you were just scared.”

Akaashi’s lip wobbled and a sob shook his chest.

Bokuto only kept pushing his hair back, and Akaashi started to feel as if that gesture alone (or maybe together with Bokuto’s other hand resting on the small of his back and securing Akaashi in place against his chest) was clearing his head from all the negative thoughts.

His eyes fluttered shut, and he realized all of a sudden how much this emotional rollercoaster had drained him.

“It's okay,” Bokuto whispered against his temple.

Akaashi nodded. “It’s okay.”