Chapter Text
Hero awoke to what sounded like something falling—something large. He jolted upright, startled and confused. Clearing his head, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked around the room. It was then that he remembered that he was in Basil’s living room, with Sunny and Kel sleeping on either side of him, and Aubrey on the couch. All three of them were sleeping soundly around him.
He looked down at the sleeping faces of his friends. They looked so…peaceful. It was a huge difference from when they were awake. In the past 48 hours, he had witnessed so much chaos and infighting, but now here they were, sleeping all together, almost as if they were all twelve again, and he was fifteen. Thinking about it, guilt ate away at Hero from the inside, but he pushed it down. That was the past. Things were better—they were finally getting better, for everyone, it seemed. Yes, Sunny was moving, and he had to go back to school eventually, but they’d make do. They were going to be okay.
But, of course, if everyone else was asleep, that meant that none of them had heard something fall either. Scanning the room, looking to see if anything was out of place, his eyes landed on a clock; it was 4:15 in the morning.
Aside from the absolutely atrocious time to be awake, nothing was actually out of place. Thinking about it, he tried to remember where the sound had come from, and he realized it as it had actually come from deeper into the house. In the direction of…Basil’s room? Concern instantly overtook him. Had Basil woken up? In the middle of the night? If he had, Hero wanted to check on him. Waking up like that was never a good sign, especially not considering all of the stress Basil must be under.
The poor kid had been through so much lately—getting pushed into the lake, his grandmother...and Sunny was leaving now, too. He knew that they hadn’t necessarily spoken in a while, but the two had been best friends; this has gotta be hard on him. Hero couldn’t even imagine…yes, things had been… bad for him, but Basil really seemed to have it rough. Hero wanted to make it clear that he was there in case Basil ever needed anything—anything at all.
Hero hadn’t been there for everyone four years ago. It’s the biggest regret he carried with him. Just looking at his friends, he wonders if they would be better, by now, if he had done what he should have done those years ago.
But if there was one thing he had learned over those years, it was that you can’t dwell on the past. If he couldn’t be there four years ago, he was going to now.
He stood up—being careful not to wake any of the kids as he awkwardly stepped over Sunny and Kel, trying not to bump into Aubrey on his way up. He padded across the room, turning the doorknob slowly so it would make as little sound as possible. He crept down to Basil’s room, and the very end of the hall, and knocked softly.
“Hey, Basil, are you okay?” He whispered. He was met with no response. “Basil?” he tried again, his voice a bit louder. “I thought I heard something fall. Is everything okay in there?” He was again met with silence.
Hero’s stomach began to turn. Of course, Basil was probably just sleeping; it’s very plausible that he just thought he heard something, especially considering he seemed to be the only one. Yet…he couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.
So, if Basil was just sleeping, checking on him wouldn’t hurt, right?
Hero placed his hand on the knob, turning slowly just as he had before—pushing the door open gradually to avoid it creaking. And then, when it was finally open wide enough, Hero’s stomach dropped.
In that moment, he learned what blood smelled like. The mangled body of a sixteen year old boy sat in front of him—desecrated and disgraced. His clothes soaked red in a dark burgundy and a bloodied pair of gardening shears in his hand.
If he were any more foolish, he would have screamed. He slapped a hand over his mouth as he naturally scrambled back, bracing the wall for support. And then it really hit him, the sight before him, and he dashed forward, grabbing Basil with vigor. His hands found blood—wet and fresh.
“Please, please, please…” he choked out, his hands flying to Basil’s neck. Bloody fingerprints frantically dotted pale skin. No matter where he checked, no pulse could be found. Hero immediately began to sob, his hands shaking as he contaminated his friend’s body with his own blood.
Desperate, he placed a shaking hand on Basil’s chest, the knit fabric rough under his skin, hoping to find even the slightest trace of a heartbeat, but there was none.
He was still warm.
He placed his hands on Basil’s shoulders, bracing himself, as his whole body began to shake, trying to stifle his cries so the kids wouldn’t hear him. He dug his fingers into Basil’s flesh, and there was no reaction.
Basil lay there, limp and lifeless, but Hero almost couldn’t believe it. If it weren’t for the blood (oh God, the blood), he would have looked as though he were sleeping—with those innocent features and nimble hands that worked wonders in the garden. Hero almost expected him to get up, and start walking around and speaking, just like he had been not even a day ago. He wanted Basil to get up. He almost felt like he would, seeing his perfect, pretty form lying before him. But he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t no matter how badly anyone wanted it.
This was the first time in his life he had ever seen a corpse, and he hoped it would be the last. It was way more terrifying than anyone could have ever prepared him for. Instantly, his brain was flooded with reminders of four years ago. He thought of how Sunny must have felt, finding Mari like that, in their backyard, and nothing but despair washed over him. He didn’t know what to do.
He stood up on unstable legs. He tried to wipe his tears, and felt Basil’s blood wet against his face. He pulled his hands back and looked at them, his vision blurring as all he saw was red, smeared all across his fingers. Polly. She should know what to do.
HIs ears were ringing as he went to get Polly. He stumbled down to the other end of the hall and pounded on the door with no sense of rhyme or rhythm. Blood was on the door now, in the shape of a fist. Blood, blood, blood—
The door creaked open, and a tired looking Polly answered it. “Hero…?”
He didn’t say anything—couldn’t say anything; he was frozen. And then she saw him—really saw him—soaked in blood that was not his own, haggard and frantic—panicked as he shook, his hands most of all.
“O–Oh my God, Hero, what’s wrong?” She asked, fear in her eyes as she approached him.
“Basil,” was all he managed to croak out, and Polly instantly pushed past him and bolted down the hall. Her footsteps were heavy. The kids would wake up.
He heard a loud cry erupt from down the hall. He bounded back down as well, seeing Polly had fallen to her knees, sobbing. Tears fell down Hero’s cheeks. He realized that he was crying. He was still crying. He had never stopped.
He approached Polly, reaching a hand out to her, and then she jolted upwards, back on her feet in an instant. She looked at Hero, her eyes terrifying underneath the tears. “I’m going to go call 911,” she said. “Keep watch. They don’t need to see this.”
She didn’t say who ‘they’ were; she didn’t need to. Hero weakly nodded, and assumed a position in front of the door. It was slightly ajar, but through just that slight opening he could see everything. The body of his friend was collapsed on the ground—lifeless, like a ragdoll; his porcelain face marred with ugly red handprints.
Two sets of footsteps came pounding up behind him. He turned ever so slightly, not wanting to tear his eyes away from Basil. It was Aubrey and Kel. Kel looked scared, yet weary—as if the weight of hundreds of years sat on his shoulders. He didn’t know what was going on—there was no way he could, not at this point—yet it was like he somehow already knew. He looked older than he ever had before. That terrified Hero. His baby brother–
Aubrey, on the other hand, looked as hostile as ever. Yet, the way she stood was guarded—defensive. The way she stood in front of Kel seemed almost protective, although Hero knew she wasn’t doing it consciously—she wouldn’t be caught dead. It was a remnant of a bygone era. Her fists were clenched at her sides, her knuckles white.
“Hero, what the hell is going on? Why is Polly calling the police?” She said almost under her breath—aggressive, yet considerate. Sunny must still be sleeping. That made sense for him; for as long as Hero had known him, he had always slept like he was dead.
Hero took a shaky breath, scrubbing his eyes. His hands weren’t wet anymore. The blood had dried. “Go back to bed” was all he could manage.
Aubrey knit her brow, stepping forward. “What? I can’t just go back to bed, are you insane? Tell me what is happening now.”
She stepped forward, demanding. Hero did not waver. In fact, he moved closer to the door. She couldn’t see this. She couldn't.
And then she looked him in the eye, and her face fell. “Is that blood?!” He could tell that she was trying to remain calm, but even still, the terror in her voice was clear. “A-And why are you by Basil’s door? Is he okay?!”
He stepped towards the door again, closer still. Aubrey’s rage returned. “What the fuck are you hiding?”
And then she shoved past him. He stiffened up in an attempt to resist, but it was futile. He may have been taller, but he was never a fighter.
“Wait, please—” he cried out, in a last ditch effort to spare her from the gruesome sight, but it was no use. As she shoved him aside, she grabbed the doorknob and pulled it all the way open, revealing everything for what felt like the whole world to see.
Aubrey let out a choked noise, stopping dead in her tracks. “B-Basil…? What..?”
Defeated, Hero just stood there, crying softly. Slow footsteps followed as Kel approached them. Hero didn’t even say anything. He knew there was no stopping Kel at this point.
Kel pushed past them—less violently than Aubrey—and when he saw what awaited him, he let out a gasp. It was quiet, soft, knowing.
And then Polly came back. Her hands were clean.
“I’m sorry,” Hero said through tears, looking at her but not looking her in the eyes, the weight of letting her down crushing him. “I tried. I really did.”
Polly joined him, Aubrey and Kel understanding their cue to make way for her, and she pulled Hero towards her, holding him tight. “I know.”
Hero knew that the hug was more for her than it was for him; he hardly even knew her. Still, he leaned into the touch, burying his face in her shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time while Kel and Aubrey just cried in the hallway.
At some point, they did eventually let go of each other. Aubrey had fallen to her knees, and she was muttering apologies over and over and over.
Hero wanted to tell her that it wasn’t her fault. He didn’t even know if that was true, yet still, he wanted to tell her that, and have her lean on him like she should have been doing for years, but he couldn’t. He just stood there, in front of that goddamn door, staring at the lifeless body of a sixteen year old boy. He was just a kid. Hero was pretty much still a kid himself.
He should have seen the signs. One would think that after Mari he wouldn’t fuck this up again, but he was just so fucking stupid and he could never do anything and he didn’t even deserve to live—
Another set of footsteps came up behind him. He knew who it had to be. No, no no, God no, not this, not now—
Hero heard Kel speak, as if he were addressing someone.
“Why, Basil? Why did you do it?” A pause. And then: “Sunny…why does this keep happening to us?”
Another wave of sobs washed over Hero as the footsteps got closer. He didn’t turn around. He couldn’t bear to face him.
“Please, Sunny,” he choked out. “You shouldn’t be seeing this.”
He couldn’t protect Aubrey and Kel. At least let him protect the person who needs it the most— please…
“You’re supposed to be moving out today,” he insisted as Sunny tried to look into the room, “on your way to a fresh new start.”
He could feel Sunny staring holes into his back. He didn’t want to face Sunny. He couldn’t. But he had to. He turned around, wallowing in shame, and looked at Sunny, unable to look him in the eye. The guilt was searing deep into his core. Things may have been different, these past four years, but Hero could still tell one thing hadn’t changed. Basil and Sunny were special to each other; everyone knew that.
Sunny stood there, with the same flat expression he always wore, but Hero knew that he was scared. Sunny had never been an expressive person, but Hero could see it, deep in his soul. He had known Sunny long enough to know.
“We’ll take care of everything here,” Hero reassured, trying to steady his voice. He had to be strong. He was the adult, out of all of them. He had to guide them. He had to protect them. He had failed Mari, and now he had failed Basil. He couldn’t fail again.
“Go on ahead,” he continued. Sunny’s mom was coming to pick him up in a few hours. This wouldn’t ruin it for him.
But Sunny looked up at him, with those big, black eyes that seemed as deep as the night sky, and Hero almost felt as though he were looking at Mari. And he broke.
Sobs overtook him. He continued to speak, but the words didn’t want to come out. “W-We’ll be—be o-kay,” he said through heaving breaths. “I th–think…”
And Sunny looked at him still, his expression blank, as if he were looking through Hero and not at him. Sunny didn’t believe him. Hero didn’t believe himself, either.
As Sunny approached him, Hero didn’t have the strength to try and shield him from the horrific sight any longer. Sunny stood beside him, and peered into the room before freezing. Hero looked down at the boy, and underneath that distant look was the gaze of a man who had seen all of the horrors the world had to offer.
And then, without saying anything, Sunny ran. And through all of the chaos, nobody thought to go after him.
The sound of sirens filled everyone’s ears and they were harshly jolted out of their mourning. An ambulance had arrived, along with several police units. EMTs and cops burst into the house, and Hero watched as they flocked around Basil’s body. They were checking for a pulse, but it was too late. Hero knew all too well.
Then cops started asking them questions as the EMTs carted Basil’s body off to who knows where.
Yes, I’m the one who found the body, yes, I checked for a pulse, it was at about 4:15 in the morning, no, I was not the one who called, questions upon questions were hurled at him. Answering them quickly became instinct.
His parents showed up not long after. The cops had sent for them. Kel and Aubrey were sitting on the couch, keeping their heads down, when his parents bounded over to him. Their arms engulfed him as they began whispering kind words into his hair and telling him that everything would be okay.
The cops had called them for Kel. Hero was nineteen.
He broke out of their hold, waving them off. He loved his parents, but their touch was shallow. They didn’t understand, just like they hadn’t before. They tried, but they never could. He curled in on himself, away from them. His mother looked so crushingly sad, looking at him, but it appeared they understood. They moved onto Kel quickly after, their mother taking his face into her hands, as if he was the one who had gotten hurt. Tiredly, Hero looked away from them, only to realize Polly was holding Sally. He hadn’t even noticed Sally was here.
Aubrey was still sitting alone, picking at her nails bitterly. Her eyes were red. She was trying not to cry.
Wordlessly, Hero excused himself, and made his way to the front door. It was suffocating. He needed fresh air.
When he stepped outside, he was greeted by the warmth and pleasant light. The sun had risen, at some point. He wondered what time it was.
Exhausted, he leaned against the outside of the house, burying his face in his hands. He was the oldest. He was supposed to take care of all of them. And when they needed him most, he didn’t, and then it happened again.
This probably wouldn’t have happened again if he had done it right the first time. But of course he didn’t. Because he never thinks about anyone but himself.
He had gone out-of-state for college—for the opportunities, he told himself, but he knew he was lying. He had been running away. He was running away from his feelings and his responsibilities and everyone he used to know. And now look how they had all ended up. They were all hurting because he couldn’t consider anyone else’s feelings.
He was a horrible friend. He was a horrible older brother. He didn’t deserve anything that he had.
Kel’s words echoed throughout his mind: why does this keep happening to us?
Speak of the devil, who should leave the house next but Kel himself?
Hero looked at his little brother, who looked frighteningly calm, given the situation. His hair was messy, and his eyes were red, like Aubrey’s, but he carried himself with confidence and assuredness. He looked over at Hero and smiled. That just made Hero cry harder. Kel had always been much stronger than he was.
“Hey,” Kel said.
“What are you doing out here?” Hero replied—not with malice or animosity, but genuine curiosity. He was just too worn out to think before he spoke. Kel didn’t look hurt. He understood.
“I’m going to go check on Sunny. I don’t know if his mom has come for him yet—uh, probably not, I think, it’s still early—so, I’m gonna go see if he’s alright.”
That’s right, Sunny. In all of the commotion, Hero had completely forgotten about him. Some friend he is.
Kel was awesome—a much better friend than he was, and in retrospect, ever had been.
“Oh, yeah, that’s—yes, good idea,” Hero said quickly, ashamed. Kel looked at him silently for a moment.
“Hey, come here,” Kel said, before pulling Hero close. It was the third time Hero had been hugged in the last six hours, but this time, they understood.
“Listen, there was nothing more you could have done, okay?” Kel whispered. “Just like…last time. You did everything you could. And you were awesome. You handled this so well—as well as anyone could. I couldn’t have asked for any better. Okay?”
“Okay,” Hero said, but he didn’t really agree. Kel knew Hero didn’t agree. Hero knew Kel knew. Kel didn’t say anything.
“Alright, I’m…I’m gonna go. I’m just gonna run down there real quick. See you soon.”
Hero nodded. “Yeah. Come back, okay?”
Kel looked at him then with the sadness of three lifetimes over. “...Of course.”
And then Kel started on a jog down the street. Hero took a deep breath and then went back inside. His parents tried speaking to him again, but he didn’t want to talk. He sat down next to Aubrey and placed a hand on her shoulder. She leaned in a little bit closer to him. They didn’t say anything, but they didn’t have to. No parents had shown up for her.
His parents were talking with Polly, now. The cops hadn’t quite left—they were trying to get ahold of Basil’s parents. Hero hadn’t met Basil’s parents before— ever. Not even before Mari left them.
And then, a few minutes later, the front door burst open, and in came Kel—breathing heavily, his chest heaving. He ran into the house as if he were chasing it, stumbling as he came to a stop. WIthout thinking, Hero shot to his feet and ran towards his little brother, reaching out towards him. Kel proceeded to launch himself at Hero, his fingers digging into Hero’s shirt, as if Kel would lose him if he held him with any less vigor. “Kel, Kel, talk to me,” Hero said, his heart beginning to pound. Kel had gone for Sunny. What had happened to Sunny.
Kel said nothing at first, letting out a nasty cough and just trying to breathe as he shook in his brother’s arms.
“Kel?” Aubrey said behind them, her voice wavering.
“It’s—we need another ambulance, or something,” Kel cried. That got the cops’ attention, and they too approached. “It’s Sunny. He’s—he went home and he stabbed himself. He’s not breathing. I don’t—I don’t know how long ago that was,” Kel sobbed as he braced himself against Hero. “Oh God, this is my fault!” he screamed. Sobs wracked Kel’s body as he shook. Hero saw red.
It was nobody’s fault. It was everybody’s fault.
The cops went over to Sunny’s home next. They didn’t permit anyone to follow them, but they all did anyway. Nobody was allowed inside the house, but it wasn’t long before more units arrived, and they saw someone carried out of the house in a body bag. There was only one person it could be. Sunny was declared DOA—just like Basil had been. The cause of death for both of them was the same: blood loss from self-inflicted wounds.
Once the dust had settled, the air around them was painfully tense. One question hung around them all with no one wanting to be the one to say it: what now?
Their parents insisted Hero and Kel come home. Hero didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay with Polly and Aubrey forever and ever and ever until somehow everything became okay again. Things finally were okay! Things were getting better! Why now? Why did this have to happen now? It had been four full years since they lost Mari. They should all be better now. Hero was finally better now. Wasn’t he?
He…he had thought so. But as he sat at his kitchen table, staring downwards at the warm plate of food his mom had made, he began to think maybe he had never recovered in the first place. Maybe he had never gotten better, and he had just been pretending all this time.
He stared down at his hands. He hadn’t cleaned them. Basil’s blood stared back at him—taunting him—a reminder of everything he had failed to be.
It was 10 AM and Hero declared he was going to sleep. It was the only thing he could do. He could get in bed and stay there forever and ever because fuck, it hurt to be alive.
His parents didn’t stop him as half-heartedly brought his untouched plate to the sink and sulked upstairs to his and Kel’s shared bedroom. As he walked, he heard another set of footsteps behind him. Kel was following him. He knew why. He didn’t turn around, and went straight for their bedroom.
“Hero,” Kel said from behind him.
Hero stopped. “Yes, Kel?”
He already had a speech prepared. He had had this argument before and he was prepared to have it again. He couldn’t do it anymore.
But then Kel said something he hadn’t been expecting.
“Um…I think I’m going to head to bed too. We uh, didn’t really get a good night’s sleep last night, y’know?”
Hero turned. Kel looked…anxious—afraid, almost, as he stood there wringing his hands. It was strange to see his brother like that. It didn’t suit him at all.
“Okay,” Hero acknowledged. He couldn’t tell where Kel was going with this, but at this point he couldn’t find it in him to care. He was so tired.
Kel’s eyes darted to the side. “Er, I was just wondering something…”
Hero paused. “...Yeah?”
“Can I…sleep with you?”
Memories flashed through Hero’s mind of when they were little kids—of all of those times Kel had woken up from nightmares and crawled into his older brother’s bed for comfort and support, and Hero had been happy to give it to him.
Kel was not a little kid anymore. He was sixteen years old. Years ago, he had asked to sleep in bed with his brother after a nightmare and he had never asked again.
Yet, what they had just been through was worse than any nightmare either of them had ever had.
Hero’s expression softened. “Okay.”
And so they went into their room, drawing the shades and turning off the lights (because Kel never remembered to turn them off. Their parents always complained about it) and clambered into Hero’s bed together. It was awkward, cramming two teenage boys—roughly the same size, although Kel insisted he was taller—into a twin sized bed, but they made it work.
Kel allowed himself to be shorter, in that moment, as he buried his face in Hero’s chest. They said nothing, just laying there in the warm darkness of a summer morning.
It didn’t take long for them to fall asleep.
—
Hero jolted awake, a strange feeling overtaking him. He looked down, expecting to find Kel curled up beneath him, but he was gone. Idly, he wondered what time it was; it was dark, in the room. He shifted, about to sit up, and it was then that he realized he was lying on the floor. He sat up, confused, and looked around.
It did not help. In fact, it made it worse. So, so much worse.
He was sitting on the floor of Basil’s living room. Aubrey was sleeping on the couch behind him. Kel and Sunny were asleep on either side of him.
The clock read 3:30.
What the hell?