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Chapter Text

Daryl pressed the cigarette deep into his flesh - watching the smoking hole as tears began to blur his vision. He had failed her - Beth who had never failed anyone; who looked after Judith when she wasn't obligated and gave their group hope in the darkest hours. Now she was dead and she took whatever hope he had left with her.

Low moans and feet dragging through dirt were at his back - possibly three feet away but he made no attempt to avoid the annoying creature. Just let the damn thing come and put him out of his misery already. What was the point of fighting the inevitable anymore? Food and water were almost impossible to find; another week and they'd all be dead anyway.

What the fucks wrong with you, boy?! It ain't in Dixon blood to give up! Get off yer ass and fight!

His brothers rough words were always bouncing around in his head - some days louder than another's but he didn't have it in him to fight today. If this was how we was meant to die so be it - Merle could kick his ass when they meet again.

Daryl focused on the ragged groans of his attacker - the scraping sound of his slow moving feet against the earth. Would Rick be the one to find him? Or would he find Rick first. The group was tired and depleted - it wouldn’t be impossible to overcome at least a few of them before someone took him out. 

Images of Carol or Carl or Judith dying by his zombified hand caused his chest to tighten with grief he reach for his bow just as the walker fell lifeless to his knees; a knife in its skull.

Daryl looked up in surprise at his savior; a young woman with piercing blue eyes and a mess of light brown hair shoved into a ripped black hoody with matching jeans glanced down at him before placing her foot on the walkers back and pulling her knife from its skull. He met her gaze again; eyes the color of a summer sky - bright and alert and she said nothing as she wiped the blade against her boot and turned her back to him. It wasn't often he was caught off guard but this girl had appeared out of thin air and saved his life.

Once she began walking away Daryl came to life - scrambling to his feet and closing the distance between them. "Hey! Th.. thank you. I was uh, caught off my guard back there..." He muttered - watching as she pulled the hood off her head and shook out the mane of unruly hair before turning to him slowly. "Yeah. I noticed. Maybe don't reflect on this shitty life in the middle of a roamer infested forest next time you feel the need to do some soul searching."

Daryl opened his mouth to reply to her smart comment but closed it again quickly as he watched her - she was sizing him up; possibly regretting helping him. The girl held his gaze another minute before turning back towards the barn a few feet away. A low rumble of thunder rattled off in the distance bringing him back to the here and now. "Do you have any water you could spare? My group - their on the main road and…" She kept moving; ignoring him. She didn't help people - she shouldn't have helped him. People complicate things. Get in the way. "They have a baby."

Daryl watched as she stopped in her tracks - her shoulders falling in defeat as she turned back to him once again. "A baby?" He nodded. "They're good people - I know Rick would be grateful. Maybe we could do a trade…" He watched as she pulled her backpack off and unzipped the top quickly - never taking her eyes off him as she fumbled in the bag and pulled out a plastic bottle of spring water. She looked at the bottle longingly before tossing it to him and found her footing. "Go, before I change my mind."

Daryl studied her for another minute before turning back to the road and the others; breaking the tree line quickly. They looked as miserable as he felt; truly defeated but Rick perked up when he saw what he was carrying.

"Where'd you get that?"

"A girl… in the woods. She may have saved my life and when I told her about Judith she gave me this." Daryl muttered quietly handing the unopened bottle of water to Rick. Their leader looked down at the gift in his hand - bewildered as said girl emerged from the tree line; clutching the knife that had saved Daryl's life tightly in her grasp. She hadn't expected to find a group this big; assuming it was just the soul searcher. "Seals not broken." He added, nodding to Judith who seemed to need the water most of all.

"Thank you!" Rick called to the girl before opening the bottle and placing it to Judith's eager lips. Daryl could only watch as the newcomer keep her distance. She'd out ran a group this size before but she hadn't been nearly as tired or hungry - and they had guns. Lots of guns.

"No problem. I wish I had more.” She assured softly; studying the others but her face gave nothing away. She moved to disappear back into the tree line. “What's your name?" Rick called as she stopped and turned back to them - mentally kicking herself.

When would she learn to stop helping people? To stay hidden like Brandon had taught her. Baby or not the way the world was now you had to protect yourself, “its the live ones you’ve got to worry about - your kindness will get you killed, kid.” 

It was the last thing her brother had said to her before turning into a mindless snarling monster and her kindness; shooting him in the head - hadn’t failed her yet.

There was no way she could take on an armed group this size or escape them in her weary condition so she unclenched her fingers from the base of her knife and sighed in defeat.

"Ava." Her voice was clear as a bell despite the distance; meeting Daryl's gray eyes. She stood half a foot shorter than him - malnourished and exhausted and she reminded him of Beth - he could see the good inside her even if she couldn’t anymore. 

"Thank you, Ava. Judith here is in your debt. I'm afraid we don't have much to offer you but if you don't have your own group you're welcome to join ours. Safety in numbers." Rick offered; bouncing Judith slightly as he spoke. The little one looked better already; evening smiling despite it all. 

Ava didn't answer him. They were offering her a spot in the group? They didn’t even know her because if they did they would know she wouldn’t be caught dead tagging along with a group. She did much better on her own. Another loud rumble of thunder caught their attention as she and Rick looked up to the sky. Dark gray clouds began to circle above them. She didn't need them but they needed her - or at least the protection of the barn she’d stumbled across. The idea of sharing it with a group this size didn’t sit well with her but they had a baby for fucks sake. Whenever she got to Heaven she sure as hell didn’t want to be the one who didn’t help a baby. 

Without answering Rick she nodded behind herself. "There's a barn a mile just past these trees. Looks like a storms blowing in - you may want to get her inside before the sky opens up."

Rick looked at Daryl who nodded; affirming the location of the barn.

Ava idly thought of leaving them to it and continuing on her way but the thunder was growing closer and she’d really been looking forward to the safety of four walls tonight. The massive group of people followed her quietly through the trees to their destination. 

"Hey you guys haven't seen my dogs running around here have you?"

A few of the female members of the group groaned at the question while the soul searcher she saved in the forest actually smirked causing her own smile to form. They maybe low on water but they looks well fed and she hadn’t seen the pack of wild dogs anymore today. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what they’d done and she silently wished she’d thought of it first. 

X

Once the space was cleared of roamers and the barn was secured to the best of their ability the rain really started to pour. Rick found Ava near the back of the barn by herself; rummaging through her backpack. No time like the present to go through her supplies and take inventory. It wouldn’t take long. Once the space was closed between them she met his eyes and handed him two cans of beef stew.

"This is all I can spare." Adding; searching his genuine face for a moment before she turned her eyes back to her bag. A crack of lightening jolted the barn but she never flinched; looking up at him again as the thunder rolled above them. 

"Can I ask you a few questions?"

“Sure. Might not answer them, though.” 

Ava adverted her eyes; catching soul searcher watching her carefully. She couldn't tell if he was skeptical of her - seriously? She gave some random kid her last bottle of fresh water for fucks sake - or if he was in awe of her - I mean; she gave some random kid the last of her water. A smile spread to her lips before he looked away quickly.

"How many walkers have you killed?"

Ava's head snapped back to Rick's question. "What?” That was a dumb question. What kind of person kept tract of how many roamers they killed? “The dead. How many?” 

"Eighty-three." Rick is taken back for a moment. I’m the kind of person who keeps tract of how many I’ve killed and I’ve mourned every one of them. “They were once people… and… it’s not their fault this… happened to them…” I shake the jumbled thoughts from my head and busy myself with my bag again. 

Rick seems to accept that answer as he glances over to Carl who is holding a sleeping Judith then to Daryl who is sitting a few feet away from us watching his hands - listening to our every word.

"How many people have you killed?"

It wasn't quite fair to ask that question now after meeting up with Gareth. Rick couldn't even give the exact number of people he'd killed anymore.

Wow. People? That one's easy.

"None."

"Why?"

"Why?"

Rick sat patiently waiting for my response. He watched the gears behind my eyes turn as I replayed the past year and a half in my mind.

"Because I ran track in high school?"

A quiet laugh escaped Daryl's throat as a genuine smile spread across his face. He kept his eyes on his idle hands as we both turned to look at him. His smile lit up his face causing little lines to form around his mouth; his shaggy hair falling down into blue eyes causing her to swallow hard before turning back to Rick.

"I'm a runner. When the going gets tough the tough gets going. Whenever I sense things are going south with the living I bolt - never to be seen again."

Rick smiled; it was the most honest answer he'd heard yet.

"Fair enough. Do you have any questions for us?"

Ava thought carefully for a moment; she did have questions - mostly out of curiosity as she had no intentions of staying with his group. They had no real direction - headed to DC? DC was a wasteland but who was she to spoil their plans. Maybe they'd find peace there.

"Is Judith your kid? You guys aren't baby snatchers, right?"

"She's my daughter. Her mother died in child birth." Rick nodded to a half asleep Carl. "My son, Carl."

"Sorry." I mumble glancing over at the two youngest in the group. Judith is lucky to be here… or unlucky as hell - she wasn't so sure anymore.

"…and him?"

Rick glanced over to Daryl whose head was laid back; eyes closed but Rick knew he wasn't asleep. He was taking in every bit of information this girl was saying. When he turned back to Ava she was caught staring at Daryl intently.

"Daryl. My brother. I trust him with my life. He's proven time after time his loyalty."

Ok so soul searcher was a good guy. She'd known it from the start.

"What did you do before the world started burning?"

"I was a Sheriff. I got shot and woke up in hell."

It was Ava's turn to look down at her hands; idly wondering if Rick Grimes was a good cop or a bad one? Looking at him now she couldn't quite tell. When he asked her the same question their eyes met again.

"I was a nobody. A nameless bartender in New York - one of the first cities to turn. All I had was my older brother - our parents were… just awful from the start and they’d been long gone way before the dead started walking. Brandon got me as far as Atlanta and it's been just me since.”

"Well, you've earned your place with us Ava. Or maybe I should ask if we've earned our place with you?"

Glancing around the barn at the hopeless faces she felt a sense of family; something absolutely foreign to her. "Let's take it day by day, ok?"

Rick smiled, nodding his head. "Thank you again for the supplies and sharing the barn. We'll see what tomorrow brings."

X

Ava

Tomorrow brings hope to the hopeless and far fetched dreams to the rest of us. I push myself out of the crowded barn the second the rain stops - sloshing through the wet grass as the sun begins to brighten the sky. Rick's group has decided to go with Aaron to his magical city filled with rainbows and unicorns. There's no way in hell I'm stepping foot inside that gated community. I take in deep lungfuls of needed fresh air and survey my surroundings.

Soul searcher is leaned against the barn with a cigarette between his lips - watching me carefully. His hair falls down in his eyes again and it takes every ounce of self control I have not to close the space between us and brush it from his face. Somehow I dont think the gesture will be welcomed.

"You don't have to go." He mutters; his voice is so low I have to move closer to hear him. "Rick's one of the good ones. Hell protect you."

I scoff and roll my eyes. My barn. My beef stew. 

“I literally fed and sheltered his children last night. Who’s protecting who?” 

Daryl takes a long drawl from his cigarette and smirks; nodding his head. 

"I've made it this far without Rick Grimes." I assure with a smile; stopping just a foot away from the soul searcher who gives nothing away - just stares at me intensely as he smokes his cigarette. Where did he find them anyway? Booze and smokes were the first to go. "I don't do well behind walls. Aaron's community sounds too good to be true."

I wonder if I'm trying to convince him or myself? To say Daryl doesn't intrigue me is a lie. I'd love to dig into his layers and find out what's at the center of him. What really matters to him. The thought scares the shit out of me. I've barely said ten words to him but his eyes tell me everything his mouth doesn't.

"I wish you all the best. If it's legit… Judith deserves a place like that to grow up." It would be more than either of them ever had.

"If it's not what he says it is we'll leave… or take it from him. Then you can go your way and we go ours. Can't hurt to look."

I watch Daryl take a long pull from the cigarette; holding the smoke in his lungs as he adds "you deserve a place like that, too."

My eyes narrow.

"You don't know me. Just because I haven't killed people doesn't mean my hands are clean. There's been plenty I didn't help."

“I don’t believe that.” He huffed in a low throaty voice. "I know you helped a group of strangers who could have easily out numbered you and asked nothing in return." His voice rumbled in his chest as she took in his words; glancing over to see Rick loading his people up into a car. Carl's holding Judith. I could help protect them - safety in numbers and all that bullshit.

"Alright. Just to the gate. Maybe a hot shower and a decent meal for my trouble then it's back to being a lone wolf, got it?"

Daryl rewarded her with a smile before flicking his cigarette to the ground and turning to the others. 

"You're riding in the back with little ask kicker.” 

X

They took our weapons. My lone bullet locked away in some makeshift basement armory. What a crock of shit. I tilt my head back and let the steady stream of water cover me in warmth; washing the dirt and grime down the drain. What a stupid rule! At least Rick's group seemed as skeptical as me.

Once the water runs clear I turn off the shower and grab an oversized fluffy white towel; wrapping it around my thin body quickly. It feels like I'm in some kind of five star luxury suite. It's the nicest room I've ever seen. Someone has brought an outfit and laid it out on the bed; fresh underwear and blue jeans in my size and a nice floral blouse.

I cringe.

The hell if I'm wearing that. I hope they wash our clothes we showed up in and give them back because that's my favorite hoody. My only hoody but still. I glance around spotting a closet and open the doors; picking out a simple baggy green shirt instead. Turning back to the massive bathroom I find the complimentary hair and tooth brush and go to work - brushing until my scalp and gums tingle. The minty freshness makes me feel like tearing up. I can't get used to this.

This place will fall just like all the others.

After another long look at myself; bright blue eyes staring back at me I head downstairs surprised to see Rick and his group gathered in the large living room. They seem content and relaxed. That big happy family vibe returning with force and I've never felt more alone.

I spot Daryl against the window seal but his face doesn't match the others carefree expressions. He's still wary of this place. He looks up and meets my gaze; taken back that I don't quite look like myself anymore. Unnoticed by any one else I step out onto the front porch; the sun is fading and the air is cooler. I wrap my arms around myself and sit on the top step; glancing around this suburban nightmare.

The lady running this show was nice enough and yes I am skeptical too but the children with their faces pressed to their windows and the elderly couples clutching each other on porches as they paraded us down the street to our set of homes make me think this isn’t a terrible place. 

Rick and Daryl could definitely over power anyone here easily. I idly wonder what Deanna thinks of that. A minute later the front door opens and heavy boots move towards me. I turn my head to the right and find my company sitting on the side railing; staring down at the crossbow in his hand.

"How'd you keep that?"

He looks at me carefully before answering.

"Told em I used it for hunting food."

I spot the opossum at the edge of the yard and nod slightly. Somehow I think he's had opossum before. Probably a delicacy where he's from.

"Why haven't you showered yet?"

He just shrugs a shoulder and returns to the crossbow. Maybe he's making a statement. Deanna and her dumbass sheep can't control us! I get that but he should totally take a shower. Now that everyone else has he's really the odd man out.

“You should really shower. The waters hot and the towels are fluffy. Plus they’ll give you clean underwear.” 

Daryl stops his task and looks down at me; a glint of humor in his eyes.

"Yeah?"

I cover my nose for full affect. "Yeah."

Daryl watches me; dumbfounded that I'm openly offending him before going back to the task at hand. "I'll think about it." He mutters; stealing another glance my way as I laugh.

X

I'm still sitting on the porch step when Daryl returns after a while. I glance up at him and it's my turn to gape. He's clean and fresh and his hair is brushed back from his face - two intense blue eyes staring down at me. After a beat he fills the vacant spot to my right - our shoulders nearly touching.

He smells like Irish Spring soap - the woodsy one and cigarettes but somehow it works for him.

"Better?" He mumbles; looking down at his hands. "Much. You clean up nice." I say, because it's true and he looks over at me carefully but says nothing. "Shouldn't you be getting some sleep? The red headed dudes on watch - obviously doesn't think I'm capable of doing it myself."

"Nah." Is all he says.

"Nah?"

"I don't sleep."

"Ever?" Not that I get much of it myself. Sleep is overrated; especially when you usually wake up screaming. Daryl just shakes his head. "Can't remember a time when I just closed my eyes and let sleep fully take over."

It's my turn to sit quietly for a minute.

"Do you think this place is legit?" I ask.

He looks down the deserted street; considering the question for a long moment. "Nah." He finally repeats his earlier statement glancing over at me. "Yeah, me either."

We let the comfortable silence take over; listening to Abe's heavy footsteps as he patrols the street. “Stealth is not his strong suit.” I whisper with a grin causing a huff of a laugh to escape him. 

"What did you do before the world ended?" I ask after a long minute; watching as Daryl continues looking down at his hands. At first I don't think he's going to answer me but then his deep voice breaks the silence and I smile.

"Nothin’. Followed my brother around like a lost dog."

Wow. We're not so different he and I.

"You seem like the kinda guy that helped your neighbors and stopped to fix cars on the side of the road."

"Merle would rather rob those people and leave them stranded. I just tagged along."

I look up at him quickly. "I thought Rick was your brother?" Not that I see the family resemblance. Daryl watches me for a long minute before answering - chewing on wether he should trust me or not. "Nah. Not blood. Merle was my brother but he's gone now."

His confession makes me think of my own brother. Two years older and a foot taller. Brandon thought he knew everything about anything and truth be told he was a real asshole, but he kept me fed and out of foster care when our parents were on their benders. I roll my eyes at the thought and look down at my own hands. "It was just me and my brother too; for a little while. He was an arrogant prick most of the time and didn't last long once the shit hit the fan."

"Sounds like Merle. I thought he'd be the last man standing. Toughest son of a bitch I ever met. When we met Rick he ran off at the mouth like he always did and Rick handcuffed him to a rooftop. The crazy bastard cut off his own hand to escape."

My eyes go wide at the thought and Daryl retreats back to his own mind again.

"We'll, Merle sounds like a real bad ass if you ask me."

That caused a smile to escape him as he turned his head and looked at me. "Yeah," he started with a laugh. "He definitely was."

X

Damn these people and their never ending supply of vegan jerky. A year ago I would have rather died than eat this meatless stick but it's been a while since I've had anything other than a few spoonfuls of expired beef stew so as far as I know there's nothing in the world more delicious.

This place is going to make me weak. I should probably go for a run - keep my stamina up. I know someone who could help keep my stamina up but he's keeping me in the friend zone for sure. As Daryl appears in my peripheral vision I push my naughty thoughts away and smile. I wonder if he'll appear every time I'm thinking of him? The thought is a little thrilling.

"What are you eating?" He asks gruffly; eyeing the greenish yellow stick I hold between my teeth like a cigar. "I'd rather not know." I answer honestly receiving a smile from my company as I take another bite and chew quickly. I watch as he pulls a cigarette from his pocket and lights it; taking a long drawl but never taking his eyes off me.

The way he looks at me sometimes melts my bones.

"Your lungs only function at fifty percent when you smoke those you know. Plus with no modern medicines and technology there's no way there's treatment for cancer anymore." I state by means of conversation but Daryl just holds the smoke in his lungs longer.

"Now you're my mother? Not that she ever gave a shit." His voice is so low it's barely audible but the hint of amusement in his voice causes me to smile. "Whatever. Not my lungs - just don't come crying to me when you're forced to do some real cardio." He takes another deep; spiteful drag from the smoke before throwing it to the ground and reaching behind his back - producing two things I've missed dearly in the month we've been here. My gun and the knife I used to kill the walker that almost ended him.

My eyes go wide with wonder as I take the gifts; opening the guns chamber to check for my lifeline. My lone bullet waits patiently.

"How'd you get these back?"

He rakes his foot across the glowing half cigarette but doesn't look at me.

"Carol. She said you may run soon and didn't want you out there without protection."

I owe the den mother one. She seems to look out for everyone in the group but she's only fooling the locals. It's a vipers den and Carol is a stone cold killer.

"I can get you some more ammo. They've got a whole roomful."

"No." I say to quickly. "I uh… this one is all I need." Our eyes meet again and he instantly knows why I only carry one shot. I'm saving it for myself. He nods his head and turns back on he way he came but I stop him with his name; he keeps his back to me.

"What about yours?"

Surely he doesn't just carry that bulky crossbow with him everywhere he goes?

"Carol and Rick have theirs. Now you. It's better if I don't have one. People get killed to easily."

I watch him for a long moment waiting for him to say something else - just the rise and fall of his shoulders assuring me he's still breathing.

"Maggie told me what happened to Beth. That's why you were out there in the trees that day. You know it's not your fault, right?"

I watch his back for another minute before he moves; leaving me without another word.

X

I don't see him again until long after the others have all gone to bed. They've finally allowed me to keep watch for a few hours when they realized I really don't sleep. The front door opens quietly and heavy boots fill the silence around me as he takes his usual spot to my right. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fantasizing about a lone roamer entering the Cul-de-sac just to stir up some fun. This place is dreadfully boring but I guess that means it's safe enough.

"Hey. About earlier… I didn't mean to bring up…"

"It's alright." Daryl assures with his deep voice; sending a shiver down my spine. He follows my line of sight down the deserted street but says nothing else for a long time. "Just ain't much for talking about the ones we've lost. There's been to many. To many I could have saved if I was smarter or moved quicker."

I watch as he shakes his head; his shoulders falling in defeat.

"Daryl, we're only human. I'm sure you tried your best… I'm sure the ones you've lost know you tried your best."

He continues to stare at his fingers; unmoving and his voice startled me when he speaks again.

"It don't matter no ways. What's done is done. Merle and Beth… they're the ones I regret most. I should have been by my brothers side… but that would have meant leaving Rick's and I believe in Rick and what he stands for. My brother never stood for shit…"

"I think we had the same brother. Sounds like me and you aren't much different."

His shoulders go stiff again and he turns to me; glaring. "Ain't nothing the same about me and you. I've killed people, Ava. A lot of fucking people. Some deserved it, some didn't. Don't ever compare yourself to me."

I gape at him; a frown forming on my lips.

"When all this started I was just some punk tagging along with big brother. Now…." He paused for a long minute. "…now I'm not sure what I am."

With that said he stands beside me to take his leave. "I'm gonna circle the block a few times. It's almost dawn. You gonna be alright?"

I lift the leg of my pants exposing a bit of my calf to show him my knifes been returned to its rightful place. "I'm packing again; thanks to you and Carol." I assure forcing a smile as he watches me a minute longer and disappears down the steps.

"Daryl?"

He turns to look up at me slowly. "I'm glad I found you." I say and it sounds stupid as hell but I don't care - it earns me a genuine smile before he takes off around the block without another word.

X

Daryl

We've been here a little over a month. Getting accustomed to being among the living again - getting jobs assigned to us - belonging to a community. It's to quiet here. No groans from the dead. No mindless talking from the group. Judith doesn't even cry much anymore - her belly full and happy. Everyone's gone to Deanna's welcoming party; Rick and the others dressing up like assholes to rub elbows with the sheep.

I find myself sitting on the front porch of our borrowed home idly wondering where Ava is. Surely she's not with the others pretending to trust these people. My eyes roll at the thought as I run a hand over my face; stopping at my mouth as I see the girl in question come into view down the street. She's alone - stumbling on her feet as she lifts a bottle to her lips and drinks heavily before letting it fall to her side again.

She's drunk or half way there at least.

Ava stops walking as a street light turns on above her - looking up into the device as it bathes her in a warm glow and for some reason I find it hard to swallow. Her hair is down; loose around her shoulders and she's traded in her baggy clothes for a pale blue dress that shows off the curve of her hips. I let my gaze fall quickly as she turns her head and spots me in our usual spot; the smile that spreads across her face opens up my chest and exposes my heart - filling me with an unfamiliar warmth.

"Hey, you." Ava says as she makes it to the bottom of the steps - glancing around to see if were truly alone. Everyone on this side of town is at the party she just left. "You didn't come to the party." It's not a question just a statement and her bottom lip pouts out for a moment before a soft giggle escapes her. My exposed heart twists in my chest at the sound and I grunt in response.

"Nah. Had dinner with Aaron and… uh, Eric. Spaghetti."

She giggles again and my breath catches in my throat. "I love spaghetti! Well, I used to? I wish I would have went with you." She assures before lifting the bottle of Jack Daniels to her lips once again. I can only watch as she tilts her head back and fills her mouth with the dark liquid; her exposed neck flexing as she swallows hard. When she looks at me again there's something primal in her eyes and its my turn to swallow.

"Where'd you get the booze?" I ask as she ascends up the few steps and stands in front of me swaying slightly; her pale blue dress stopping mid thigh. I try to keep my eyes on hers and my hands to myself as she smiles again - lighting up the darkness. My eyes fall to her parted lips as she leans in close to me and whispers, "I stole it."

Her tongue darts out inadvertently; wetting her lips and distracting me as she suddenly straddles my lap and takes the air from my lungs. "Ava…" My half-hearted attempt at a protest is cut off by her mouth on mine and I'm lost; gripping the back of her neck as I hold her to me and her tongue slides against my own and she taste like whiskey and mint and heaven I'd imagine if it had a taste. A deep groan escapes my throat as her hands move up my chest and to my neck; raking her fingers into the back of my hair.

We stay like this until she finally pulls away just enough to take in a needed gasp of air - searching my face for a short moment before kissing me again. The past minute has my dick fully hard between us and if she doesn't stop I'll fuck her right here in her pretty little dress - neighbors be damned. The thought causes another groan to leave me as I finally release the hold on the nape of her neck and put some space between us - receiving another pout from her.

"What the hells gotten into you, girl?"

Her slow smile returns as she lifts up the bottle of Jack; her hips rotating slightly on my lap causing my hand to move to her waist to stop the torment. "Half a bottle of…" I can only watch as Ava's eyes go wide and she drops the bottle beside us; using my shoulders as leverage as she hoists herself up and leans over the banisters - projectile vomiting into the previous owners rose bushes. She heaves until the contents of her stomach empty and then dry heaves some more as I get to my feet beside her and place my hand on her arched back - watching helplessly as she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and turns to look up at me with wide blue eyes.

"Shit, Daryl…" Despite the past few seconds the way my name rolls off her tongue stirs something deep inside of me. I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out and in the next second her eyes close and I catch her as she falls back into my arms; the half bottle of Jack Daniels winning this round. A quiet laugh escapes me as I lift her slack body up against my chest and turn to the house; pushing through the front door. It's just as quiet inside as I take her upstairs and place her on the unused bed that was assigned to me - looking down at her for a long minute. I swallow back whatever foreign feelings I'm having and turn to the ridiculously large bathroom; wetting a wash rag with warm water before returning to the bed.

She hasn't moved - her chest rising and falling peacefully as I sit beside her and decide what to do next. It's not the first time I've cleaned someone up who's had to much to drink - my piece of shit mother used to nearly drown in her own vomit nightly and there was never anyone home to take care of her but me back then. Pushing the thought aside I go to work removing the soiled dress - adverting my eyes as I go to the equally large closet and take out an oversized white t-shirt; returning to Ava and placing it over her exposed body quickly before laying her back onto the bed. I take the rag and clean her up the best I can before she turns on her side and pulls a pillow to her chest; falling into a deep sleep.

I watch her for a few minutes making sure she isn't going to get sick again before I push myself from the bed and return to the bathroom; glancing up at myself in the mirror. What the hell just happened?

X

Ava

Fear rips through me as I run; faster than I ever have before. My brother is dead. Really dead. Two bullets were left in our dads gun and now one is logged in the back of Brandon's brain just as he turned into… into one of those things. I don't think I'll ever unhear the snarl of his breath as he lunged towards me. Not him but whatever he became.

I open my eyes with a start as I swallow the scream in my throat; looking up into Daryl's worried face. I'm not used to company and I scramble away from him - falling out of the bed.

"Hey - it's alright. You're safe." Daryl assures - his hands out as I lift my head up and glare at him from the floor. Why are we in bed together? Oh god, the whiskey. I look at him and then down at myself; noting the white shirt covering my body.

"Oh god, Daryl. Did we?"

"What?"

"Have sex?"

"What do you take me for some kinda asshole? You were out cold."

"What? No I don't think you're an asshole. I'm the asshole." I assure; pulling myself back up on the bed beside him. He's fully clothed in different clothes then I remember seeing him in yesterday and my blue dress is nowhere to be found. "I'm so sorry. That party was boring as hell - people pretending like the world isn't falling to shit outside of these walls. When no one was looking I snatched one of the many bottles of booze from a table and came to find you."

I found you alright and then shoved my tongue down your throat. A groan escapes me as I place my splitting head in my hands. "I've ruined everything."

Daryl doesn't move; watching me carefully as I finally find the courage to look up at him. "You got drunk. Hell, I don't blame you. I'm just glad you passed out before I embarrassed us both on that front porch. Who the hell knows what the others would have come home too." His grin causes my own to escape and he assures me I haven't ruined anything.

"You took off my dress? I only ask because knowing me I took it off myself and paraded across said porch in just my underwear for however long before the liquor finally consumed me.”

"You showed up with that wicked tongue of yours then threw up - everywhere. No way those flowers are still alive."

I laugh and his smile widens.

"You passed out a minute later and I brought you up here and got you out of that ruined dress. Cleaned you up the best I could and took a… really cold shower. Four hours later you woke up screaming."

My smile fades. "Yeah, I usually do. That's why I try not to sleep much." He only grunts in response. We sit in our comfortable silence for a few minutes; each lost in our own thoughts. I hope he's thinking about what an amazing kisser I am and forgets about the projectile barfing forever. "I'm sorry." I say again.

"For what?"

I look up at him slowly.

"I'm not sure." For kissing him? For throwing up in his immediate proximity? "I'm not sure." I repeat and stand up quickly. "Thank you tho, for… cleaning me up and… not being an asshole. I should go take a shower."

Daryl watches me carefully - taking in all of my rambling as I move closer to the door. "I'll see you later, ok?" Silently praying he wont avoid me for the rest of our time together. Maybe I should just go find pants and take off now - saving myself from any more embarrassment. The thought is unsettling. "Yeah. Later." He answers quietly and I dart out of the room. It's still night - or at least, not quite morning and the hallway is empty. I cross the space unseen by anyone and close the door to my own room; pressing my back against the wood and breathing in deeply as if I've just ran a marathon.

I close my eyes and try to forget the way Daryl's lips felt on mine or how he held his rough hand against the back of my neck as he kissed me just as desperately. I swallow hard and move towards the luxurious bathroom - turning the shower on to the coolest setting.

X

Once it's a more acceptable time and I hear the others moving around downstairs I descend down the steps; wearing my usual causal attire - jeans and a baggy shirt.

Carl greets me and offers toast as the others talk among themselves; paying me no mind. The front door opens and Daryl steps inside - meeting my eyes from across the room quickly. I smile but he doesn't respond; turning to answer one of the others questions in the living room. I haven't learned everyone's name yet and it's probably for the best. I don't think I should stick around much longer. Not after nearly fucking the second in command on the front porch last night. I take a bite of toast and glance up; spotting the den mothers glare.

Carol is watching me carefully. I know her and Daryl are close but how close? Maybe to close and she's going to murder me right here right now. I never got a girlfriend vibe from her when she's talked to Daryl - more like a stern maternal figure but what do I know?

I advert my eyes; studying the piece of toast like it contains the news. When I look up again Carol is gone but I still feel someone's eyes on me. Glancing at Judith in Carl's arms she's staring down at her own toast. She doesn't even have teeth? Ok not the kid. I turn my eyes to the living room and see Daryl staring at me while Eugene is droning on and on about something no one truly cares about. It's like he can see through me to all my cracked pieces and he's trying to figure out if he wants to work the puzzle. What an analogy. I stand from the table and thank Carl for the bread before finding my hair tie in my pocket and slip my mess into a tight pony tail. I make it my business to not look at Daryl again as I walk out the front door and jog down the steps before changing into a full sprint as far away from this house as I can get.

X

The friendly community members wave and greet me as I jog past them; over and over again feeling trapped like a rat in a cage. I don't stop running until I see Daryl again - coming through the front gate dragging a mid sized buck behind him. The townspeople clap and praise him but he only has eyes for me.

To say he looks rugged in this moment is an understatement. He's sweaty and manly and feeding these people with his expertise hunting and gathering tactics. It takes everything I have not to jump on him in the street and finish what we started yesterday.

He hands the deer over to one of the towns people and says "the kids eat first" before making his way to me. My chest rises quickly and it has nothing to do with my hour of cardio.

When we're standing face to face his glare makes me stop breathing and his words cut through my chest making my knees weak.

"Don't look at me like that, Ava."

"Like what?" I whisper - mesmerized by this man. If Rick would have killed a deer he would have demanded his people ate first but Daryl demanded the meat go to the children - not just Carl and Judith. I swallow the lump that forms in my throat.

"Like I'm some kind of fucking hero."

His voice vibrates in my chest and I swallow again. What the hell is wrong with me? The first guy I meet in this ruined world has to be someone like Daryl. Broody but kind; quiet and sweet. Something I've never known before. I've got to get the fuck out of this place. The gates right there - no one would stop me and I'd leave with more than I came with. A full belly and clean clothes plus a travel size container of toothpaste I carry with me every time I leave the house; just in case it's time to go.

Daryl is still staring at me intensely; waiting for my rebuttal. "I… I wasn't." I assure him when he finally pushes past me and never looks back. I turn to stare at his retreating back and shake the fog from my head - turning back to the closing gate. Missed my opportunity. Guess I'm staying for now.

X

A/N: For the sake of wanting to write this part this way let's say it's October near the end of season 5 and while all of the things that happened in Season 5 happened maybe they didn't happen as quickly as it seems. There had to be a few episodes Daryl wasn't a part of? This is what he was doing instead. Enjoy! Please review!

x

One month later.

Ava

I blink; forcing my eyes to adjust to the harsh orange paper in my hand. Across the page is hazardous black writing with promises of treat trails and pumpkin carving.

"Is this serious?" I ask Carl who can only stand before me dumbfounded. "These people are seriously hosting a Halloween party? Halloween?!" I turn to look at the others - Eugene, Abe, Carol and Rick all stare back at me sharing Carl's confused expression. "Every day is fucking Halloween. Just walk outside these walls any day of the week - Halloween." I mumble handing the flyer back to the boy. I catch Rick's grin and watch him shake his head.

"It'll be fun for the kids. Help us get a better feel of this place. Just keep an eye out around here, ok? That asshole Pete may try to snoop around while we’re gone." I nod; waving him off as Carl dashes up the stairs to find something to wear.

Hopefully for his sake Enid is going as a sexy cat or some shit.

"Halloween." I repeat to no one and go back to the crossword puzzle in my hand. The others slowly disperse into town to mingle with the community but I wouldn't be caught dead at another one of Deanna's famous parties. Memories of the first one still lingering in my head more often than I care to admit.

Daryl Dixon lives rent free in my head every fucking day. 

Don't look at me like I'm a fucking hero.

I roll my eyes at the thought and place a word into a few boxes on the page.

Maybe I'm the hero. I rock Judith when Maggie's exhausted or Carl wants to spend time with his new friends. I take supplies to the elderly members of the community when it rains. I make sure everyone's laundry is clean.

"I'm the fucking hero." I mutter to myself; placing another word quickly.

"Talking to yourself now?" My eyes shoot up and meet Daryl's amused expression as he stands in the doorway of the kitchen; a hand on each side of the frame. I take in a slow breath and wonder how we've got here. The sexual tension between us is crippling and although I've tried to keep my tongue to myself for my own sanity there's nothing I haven't told this man. He knows the life story of Ava Mariah Baxter forward and backward but hasn't gave up much of his own.

The day he shot the deer and demanded the kids eat from it first changed my perspective of him. He came to me like he did every night since we arrived - slumping down beside me on the top step of the porch; shoulders barely touching - smelling of fresh soap and tobacco. 

"Come to cuss at me some more?" I snap - glaring at him. Like always it takes him a few minutes to get started.

"I'm sorry about that. You just… confuse the hell out of me. When I walked in that gate and saw the way you were lookin' at me… like I was something I'm not..." He muttered - keeping his eyes cast downward as his words failed him. 

"Daryl. If I look at you like you're a hero that means you're a fucking hero. Demanding that meat go to the kids? That’s pretty amazing.” 

I turn my body to face him; mad as hell. Daryl looks up at me slowly; cupping my face with a rough hand as his mouth finds mine - derailing my train of thought. I'm confusing? Daryl Dixon you my friend are confusing but he kisses like his life depends on it and I lose myself in his embrace. When he finally pulls away I’m contemplating how quickly we can get up the stairs without alarming the others but there’s turmoil in his eyes.

"We shouldn't… do this. Nothing good'll come from it. One of us'll get killed one day. It ain't worth it."

I search his eyes trying to pry his secrets from their depths but he’s had years of practice hiding his emotions and it’s no use. After failing at figuring him out I can only lean into his parted lips; licking my own before whispering "I'm worth it."

That seems to be his undoing and we spent the next hour making out on the deserted front porch without a care in the world. I often fantasize about how far we'd of went that night if heavy foot steps coming down the stairs inside hadn't drug him away from me.

I stare at him now - standing in the threshold with a shit eating grin on his face.

"I knew you'd be the first to crack." He teases; glancing around the house quickly. "Where's the others?"

"Halloween party." I mutter; closing the book of crossword puzzles in defeat. "Halloween party?” Daryl repeats and I look at him again. "I know right? I told them Halloween is every day outside of these gates but of course these people want to party. Rick says it’s good for the kids. Abe says it gives the adults a reason to drink."

"You're not going? I'm sure they've replenished the Jack by now."

Daryl's full of himself tonight. "Har. Har. No I'm not going. You?"

The thought of him doing the Monster Mash with someone else strikes a nerve. He must sense my jealously because his smile widens even further but his reply is simple. "Nah."

I can only watch as he closes the space between us and takes a seat at the table across from me; producing a deck of playing cards from the inside of his vest.

"You play?"

Do I ever. When you grow up with no toys you make do and the only time I was allowed to be around my parents was as their beer runner when they were playing rummy. 

I only nod in response as he deals out seven cards and we being to play.

X

An hour later I've won every game and my smile is addictive.

"How about black jack?" Daryl asks quietly; shuffling the deck between his fingers. I shrug; indifferent as he lays two cards in front of me and then himself. "Let's make this more interesting, shall we?" I ask and his eyebrow raises.

"If I win you have to answer a question about yourself."

Daryl doesn't let my gaze fall. "…and if I win?"

I give him my most dazzling smile. "Dealer's choice."

He lifts his cards quickly and thinks for a second before matching my smile. "I'll stay."

I glance at my cars. "Hit me." He produces a five and I smile; nodding for him to flip his cards over. Seventeen. I flip mine, Nineteen.

"Shit…"

"What's your best memory of before the virus?"

Daryl can only stare at me. Maybe he's trying to pick the best one? After a moment he shakes his head no and deals out two more cards.

"Can't think of one good time."

My heart twists in my chest but that's fair. It would take me days to think of a good time before the world went to hell and even then I don't know if I could.

"Fair enough. I'll stay."

He flips his cards over. Sixteen. I flip mine - twenty and I find my smile.

"When's your birthday?"

That's a simple one, right?

Daryl doesn't take his eyes off his cards. "Hell if I know."

I try to mask the shock on my face. He can't be serious. No one ever celebrated the day he came into this world? It makes me want to dig up his parents and kill them again. I open my mouth to tell him just that but he continues quietly.

"Merle told me I was born in 1978… six years after him. He didn't know the month or day. Never found no paperwork…"

"Nobody ever celebrated…?"

Daryl just shook his head no; dealing out another hand. "Nah. Never."

"Daryl… that's really shitty. Even my cracked out mom baked me a cake once. It was horrible but the thought and all…” 

Daryl just shrugged again; indifferent. 

"Don't matter no way. Don't worry about it. I don't."

He looks at his cards; his mom never said a kind word to him let alone celebrated a birthday on his behalf. Merle never got one either as far as he knew. One time she broke a broom stick over his back. She’d died when he was six. 

"Well, by the power vested in me… by the state of… what state are we in now? Oh, Virginia. I proclaim today is officially your birthday Daryl Dixon. You're going to Disney world." A smile sneaks past his lips as he looks up at me and I turn over my cards showing him the Ace and Queen.

"Twenty-one.” He flips his over without adding anymore. A King and a seven and I know exactly what my next question will be.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

Daryl's eyes darken as they meet my lighter hues and I smile innocently; watching as he taps the cards against the table and thinks.

"You." He finally mutters in that deep; gravely voice and that's all the encouragement I need. I shift my elbows on to the table and place my knees in the chair - leaning across to his waiting lips. He never takes his eyes from mine but I can hear his breath catching; his hands clutching the playing cards tightly.

"Who am I to deny a man on his birthday?" I whisper softly and he strikes like the cobra he is - grabbing my upper arms and pulling me across the table until I'm straddling his lap and his tongue is in my mouth. A deep groan rattles his chest as his hands snake up my back and into my hair - holding me at the base of my neck. I feel my insides melting into liquid fire as I match his intensity and he stands; knocking his chair over and placing my ass firmly on the table; leaning into me without breaking our kiss.

We stay like this until my lungs are begging for air and then we kiss some more; my fingers raking into the back of his hair as inhuman sounds escape him. Finally I pull away just enough to take in some oxygen and his mouth moves to my cheek and then down my neck; his hands rough against my waist - fingers digging into my softest spots as if he's a man unhinged.

"Daryl…" I groan as his tongue moves up my jugular and towards my ear. "…yeah?" God, that grainy voice - one word is nearly my undoing. "Take me upstairs?" I ask and he retracts his tongue - chest heaving with desire but he doesn't look up at me - keeping his face buried in the bend of my neck.

For a moment I feel my heart drop into my stomach. He's said before we should do this - nothing good will come from it - but that hasn't stopped him yet.

Daryl lifts his head slowly; pulling back just enough to search my heated eyes. There's so much emotion trapped behind his that I can't look away. "Ok…" He whispers between us before putting his arms around me and lifting me from the table with ease. I wrap my legs around his waist and find his eager mouth again as he turns and begins the slow climb to his borrowed bedroom.

He opens the door carefully and steps inside; closing it with his foot as he groans - my fingers raking through his hair. A minute later I'm on my back on the bed and he's standing between my legs staring down at me with a look that melts my insides. I don't give him time to doubt this and slip my thumbs in my jeans - pushing them down and kicking them off before sliding my hands back up my stomach taking my shirt with me. Im afraid he's stopped breathing as I sit up and go to work on his belt; unzipping his pants before he comes alive again and captures my mouth with his - pushing me on my back slowly as he climbs over me.

This is it. I'm going to have sex - finally. With some random guy I met in a barn. I push those thoughts away; Daryl's not a random guy - he's sweet and sensitive and thinks about others before himself and he kisses like his fucking life depends on it and his… oh my god.

His rough hands move slowly up my calf and then my thigh; finding my soaked center like he has his own road map. A second later my back is arched and his thumb is circling my clit while the other digits beckon inside of me.

An inhuman sound escapes me as a slow burn starts to consume and Daryl moves back up my neck; breathing heavily against my tingling skin. His skilled assault between my legs doesn't slow and I detonate around his fingers as he grumbles low in my ear. 

Despite my orgasm and shaking legs he never wavers; slow and steadily building the fire back up in my belly. "Daryl," His name comes out like a prayer - so softly I don't even know if he's heard me but his fingers quicken their pace and I fist his shirt with one hand and the bed sheets with another - closing my eyes tightly as another wave of pleasure explodes inside of me. I am a prisoner to his pleasure and it takes longer than I want before my senses start working again. When I finally open my eyes he's looking down at me in wonder; his hair falling into his eyes just like I like it.

A whimper escapes me as I reach up and brush the hair from his eyes feeling as drunk as I must look.

"You sure this is what you want?" He's asking me now? After sending me to another dimension with only his fingers? I can only nod my head yes and lose myself in his eyes. This is all I ever want for the rest of my life. Ugh, that must be the orgasm talking. "Please." I whisper and he kisses me again - trailing his hands up my sides and across my breasts before he leans up on his arms and kicks his pants off then his shirt. In one gentle move he fills me completely and it's the most amazing feeling I've ever felt. He must like it too because his arms nearly buckle as he buries his face in my neck and groans deeply.

"Fucking hell Ava…"

Daryl buries his face in the bend of my neck again; breathing softly against my skin as I adjust to him. I'm silently thankful for his patience because although I'd never admit it - congratulations Mr. Dixon - you get my V card and I think by the sounds escaping him it's not a secret.

"You're so fucking tight… fuck,… a-are you ok?"

His rough voice causes my eyes to roll back into my head as his words wash over me and I nod; placing my hands into the back of his hair when he finally starts to move; groaning obscenities against my neck.

You'd think I'd be spent after two amazing orgasms but there's something about this man and it's a little unnerving how skillful he is in the sack. Maybe he's had a lot of practice fucking in the apocalypse but for some reason I don't think that's it. I just think he's good at everything he does. A groan escapes me as he quickens his pace - sliding a strong arm under my hips as I meet him trust for trust and that sensational fire begins to blaze again.

"Oh god Daryl…" I whisper - looking up into his serious expression as he hits just the right spot and my core tightens further around him; bringing on his own release a moment later as he pulls out of me. I watch with lazy eyes as he clutches his impressive dick and grunts again before leaning down to my parted lips; kissing me hard; pulling what little air I have from my lungs. "My name and God's don't belong in the same sentence." He mutters before putting some space between us.

At first I think he's going to leave and my heart sinks but I watch as he cleans us up and tosses me my shirt - pulling his boxers on quickly before he bed sinks with his weight and he lays down beside me. I turn on my side, sliding my hand over his stomach and he tenses for a second before relaxing. He looks over at me but says nothing.

If anything Daryl is a man of few words. His eyes watch as my shirt rides up exposing my ass slightly as he lifts his arm and allows me into his embrace; resting my head against his steady beating chest. 

"That was really… really good." I assure him and he grunts but doesn't look away. He's replaying the past twenty minutes in his head and a grin spreads across his face. "Fuck yeah it was."

I smile up at him; pushing myself up so my face is over his and I kiss him gently; whispering "Happy Birthday" against his lips. "

"When's your birthday?" He mutters and my smile widens. "Tomorrow." Daryl pulls me down to his chest with a laugh and kisses the top of my head. His steady heart beat lulls me as my eyes get heavy and sleep finds me for the first time in a long time.

X

When I open them again the mid morning sun has flooded the room and Daryl is sound asleep under me; his left arm secured around my hips. I push myself up on my arms and look around. This isn't good. He's not going to be happy that we've slept the morning away.

Why hasn't someone came looking for him? There's always someone looking for him.

"Daryl…" I whisper and his eyes open slowly; searching my face for a long minute before his lips find mine and he's giving me one of those earth shattering kisses. Fuck everyone else. They can disappear off the face of the earth as long as he keeps kissing me like this. I slide a leg over his hips and straddle him; still naked under my shirt as his hands slide up the curve of my ass and over my back before bring me down onto his chest.

"It's probably noon." I finally say; rotating my hips on his quick growing erection as he takes in a shallow breath. "So?"

His nonchalant attitude is amusing. I may not have known him long but I know him better than some here and he doesn't sleep in or waste daylight. I tell him as much and he just grins. "Never had a reason to before." Assuring and my heart soars.

"Your groups probably wondering where the hell you are."

Daryl sits up suddenly with me in his lap and holds my hips still; moving his mouth just over mine. "They're not my keepers and this is the last place they'd look." I can only smile in response as his mouth finds mine again.

X

An hour later I follow Daryl down the stairs and into the living room where most of his group is gathered sans Rick. "Where the hell have you been?" Abe asks quickly - noticing me standing behind him. "Busy." Daryl growls in response and glances at Carol.

"Ricks nearly beat a man to death in the streets this morning." She says quietly; also noticing me standing close behind him. "What? Why?" My eyes go wide at the thought. If Rick pisses these people off they'll kick us out and goodbye running water and vegan jerky. "Go ask him yourself."

Daryl turns to look at me and I nod; silently assuring him he should go talk some sense into their fearless leader. I don't think anyone wants to go back into the horror that waits outside these walls.

Abe follows Daryl outside and I find myself alone with Carol; who's creepy mother hen vibe has returned and makes my skin crawl.

"Daryl's different with you." Is all she says before smiling brightly and following the men onto the porch. I turn to Carl in the kitchen who's burdened with feeding Judith. I reach for her and he thanks me; going to be with his dad who seems to be on the brink of a breakdown. After a perfect night and even better morning I find myself alone in the kitchen holding Judith as she drinks from a bottle eagerly.

"I think I like you the best, kid."

X

Daryl

Michonne and Abe are pissed that I'm taking Rick's side. If he wants to kill a wife beating asshole who am I to stand in his way? I idly picture Ava in that situation - some asshole hurting her for YEARS while everyone just sits back quietly hoping it will stop. The thought flashes white hot rage through my body and I turn to go back in the house just to make sure she's ok.

Carol is standing on the porch looking ridiculous in her happy homemaker outfit.

"Dial back the smile." I say as she beams at me. "You look like a serial killer."

"We need to talk."

"'bout what?"

Carol doesn't move to let me ascend the stairs and I narrow my eyes at her. "You know what about. I've never seen you like this before. You like this girl."

"What girl?" Playing stupid has gotten me far in life and it's none of Carol's fucking business. Her creepy ass smile just gets wider. "Don't play dumb with me, Daryl. I saw the way you looked at her in the barn. The way you look at her now."

I open my mouth to say "well you should see the way she looks at me when I fuck her" but instead I inquire quietly about her job as crazy cookie lady. Carol laughs and waves me off; coming down the steps finally. Somewhere deep inside my head I hear Merle’s deep laugh. 

"All I'm saying is don't let this," She points to my head; "Ruin this." She finishes as she points to my chest and I grunt a smart ass response disappearing into the house. Rick and the others are out trying to make nice with Deanna so I find Ava alone in the upstairs hallway as she gathers clothes from the floor.

"Teenagers." She assures; tossing Carl's underwear into a basket as I close the space between us and capture her waiting mouth with my own; dropping my crossbow against the wall as she wraps her body around mine and I push her back into a bedroom door.

This is a mistake - getting distracted by this girl will get us all killed but she feels to fucking good to quit. For once in my miserable existence I've found joy and I'm to damn selfish to end it so soon.

"Has Rick killed that asshole yet?" She whispers against my mouth as I move my hands up her sides and into her shirt; groaning in response as her own hands work her jeans open. "Nah. I don't think so."

"I know I'm not a killer but he seems like he'd be a good place to start." She mumbles; mostly to herself as I hold her against my chest and open the door behind us - thankful it's the room she's been staying in. Not that anyone else's could stop me right now.

Ava lifts her shirt up over her head quickly as her wild hair falls around her shoulders and she looks up at me with those big blue eyes. My dick is so fucking hard it's almost painful as I look down at her - lost in this girl that showed up out of nowhere and cracked open my chest with her kindness.

I've never allowed myself to get close to anyone but I can't seem to help myself when it comes to Ava. She brings out something I've never felt before and it's as terrifying as it is thrilling. In one quick move she's in my arms and then laying on her back before me on the bed. I get to work pulling her jeans down her perfect legs; kneeling before her to remove them completely. Her breath catches in her throat as I kiss the inside of her calf and then her knee; trailing my tongue up her thigh until I make it to my destination.

"Daryl…." My tongue finds her soaked center as my name rolls off her own and I slip my hand up her other leg quickly. Ava fists the my hair as her back arches in pleasure and a groan escapes me; vibrating against her clit causing her to nearly sit up on the bed as she holds my head between her legs and cries out; clamping a hand over her mouth as waves of pleasure pass through her.

I feel like I'm about to explode; every muscle in my body tight but she's to sweet to stop now and I lay her back on the bed licking deeper. My name on her lips; her fingers tangled in my hair and legs shaking cause me to groan and when she starts pleading with me I know it's time to move on. Once I've finally had my fill of her I kiss my way up her stomach - taking my time with each nipple and her head falls back on the bed with a cry. I kiss her collar bone then her neck; finally placing myself between her spent legs.

"You are… so fucking sweet Ava." I growl against her cheek as she finds my mouth and kisses me hard - forcing her tongue against mine as her fingers claw at my back - quietly begging me to be inside of her. The way she wants me - pleads with me to fill her causes my chest to tighten; what the fuck is this girl doing to me?

A moment later I answer her request and I'm nearly undone; cussing through my teeth as she begins to grind her hips into mine - eager and perfect and the feel of her makes it hard to concentrate. Not wanting this to end just yet I pull away from her enough to flip her on her stomach and bring her ass up; entering her again but slower causing my name to fall from her lips again.

"Fucking hell…" Her pussy is to damn good and I lose myself in her; thrusting over and over as she clutches the sheets in her fists and tightens around me as my own release nears. I pull out of her quickly - because despite knowing I'd kill for this girl I don't want to get her pregnant and possibly lose her like Rick lost Lori.

Ava flattens out on the bed and whimpers; still shaking from her orgasm - eyes closed and chest heaving. "Why are you so good at this?" She finally asks as I pull my pants back on. I have no idea. I've had less than a handful of girls - all friends of Merle's who showed up at the house late at night and I never fucked any of them twice.

"I think you bring it out of me…"

She brings a lot out in me. The desire to share my life with her - to seek her out when I should be providing for the community - when I should be watching out for my own people. Rick is about to get us kicked out of this place or at least get himself exiled and I've been to busy with Ava to even care. Rick's saved my life more time than I can count - he deserves better from me.

Could I chose him over Ava? Fuck no - and the thought of that scares the shit out of me.

"I gotta go. Gotta meet up with Aaron and do some scouting."

Ava turns to me quickly; surprised at my quick departure. All I want is to climb in this bed with her until the walkers tear this place down around us but my head is telling me to go. I can't keep my people safe while I'm lost in her.

"Daryl… I…"

"This is a mistake." I cut her off with a grumble; disappearing out the door before she can finish.

X

Ava

Daryl stays outside of the gates for four whole days and I've never felt more alone. I busy myself with laundry and even tried my hand at cooking but no one was to impressed and I find myself alone at the kitchen table most days. Today I'm shuffling cards trying my damndest not to think about the last time I saw the deck.

Daryl's decided for us both that it's better if he stays away. This is a mistake. His earlier words come back to me and knock me on my ass. How dare he fuck me into oblivion and then dump me like a bad habit? I was doing laundry! 

Carol walks into the lonely kitchen not even noticing me at the table until she turns around; eyes wide. I must look how I feel - utterly heart broken. Ugh what a stupid, stupid girl. Take some advice kids don't sleep with the first guy who gives you a second of their time. NOT worth it. Well, maybe a little worth it in Daryl’s case. 

Damnit he’s sexy as hell. 

"Hey, you."

Carol's fake smile falls into place and I roll my eyes; tired of the act. I may not be one of them but she doesn't have to bullshit a bullshitter.

"You don't have to pretend like you're not a stone cold killer around me, Carol. I know we don't know each other but your secrets safe with me."

She dials down the grin a few notches but doesn't go back to whatever she was planning on doing. "Don't give up on him, ok?"

Please tell me she's not talking about Daryl. The man who fucks like a champ then leaves without a trace. I'm supposed to be the runner and I idly wonder why I'm still here. I open my mouth to reply - maybe to tell her to send a message to her friend that reads go fuck yourself but she continues before I can figure out what to say.

"Daryl doesn't think he's worthy of anything. Especially love. You just have to give him time to figure out his feelings…"

I'm still at a loss for words. Deadly Carol is giving me love advice? Daryl must have fucked me into the twilight zone and left me there.

"I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you, Ava. Don't give up on him."

I open my mouth and close it; shaking my head. "No point in falling in love in the apocalypse. I'll probably be dead by the end of the week anyway." I stand up from the table and take my leave; disappearing out the front door quickly.

X

After stopping by to chat with a few locals about all the gossip going around I go to the lookout tower on the south side of town. None of the civilians are too concerned with what happens outside of these walls; to much days of our lives going on inside with Rick, Pete and Jessie. I shake my head at the thought and watch a small pack of roamer stumble around a few yards away.

Daryl's out there somewhere among the dead; maybe hunting or finding new people to join in the fun. I should go now - hop across the fence and shimmy down - disappearing without a trace.

Maybe he'd miss me for a day. Wish things could have been different. The realization that he probably wouldn't even know I was gone makes my heart sink further into the pit of my stomach.

Someone's coming up the steps to the look out and I turn quickly - surprised to see a guy around my age who looks just as surprised to see me.

"Sorry. I didn't know someone was already here. My mom told me to take post on the south lookout. Is it time for your break?"

"No. I mean. I didn't know they used this look out. I was just getting some air."

"You're with Rick's group, right?"

"No." I say quickly because I should have never agreed to come to this god forsaken place. "Oh, an orphan then." The look on my face must tell him that my parents were killed in a nasty zombie invasion; ripped limb from limb while they clutched their children tightly when in fact they both overdosed in the front yard one summer night when I was sixteen. Way before the world turned to hell. "Shit. Sorry. Bad joke."

I force a smile realizing it's best if this guy thinks he's an asshole.

"I'm Spencer. My mom is Deanna - she runs this place."

Like I give a shit.

"I'm Ava." I say instead. "Ava? That's a really pretty name. I didn't see you at the welcoming party? There were so many new people maybe I missed you."

"Yeah, must have."

I push the thought of that night away too. Damn you Daryl.

"I should go so you can get to work. There's a small pack of roamers about a mile out."

As if on cue I see Daryl break through the trees line and kill the four zombies easily. Once he's alone in the field he looks up at the tower and sees me; causing all the feelings I've been having to rise in my throat. At least this time he's not carrying a damn deer with him.

He stares at me intensely and I can't help but frown; turning to leave the tower.

Spencer smiles brightly. "Don't be a stranger, Ava." He assures setting up his sniper rifle as I leave without a goodbye. Maybe if I stick to the inside of town I wont run into Daryl and his accusations. The way he was looking at me and Spencer just now would make for another great episode of the soap opera surrounding us.

“Ava.”

Fuck. He's faster than I thought. Daryl is stalking towards me and I wonder if I should run. I could out run him easily but I don't have anywhere to go. I stop walking and turn to him; failing at hiding the hurt he's caused. I didn't ask for this. I was minding my own business when he sat down in that forest with tears in his eyes.

"Don't talk to that asshole. He's no good for you."

The hurt in my eyes narrow. "Oh now YOU'RE my mother?" I snap an earlier conversation back at him and cross my arms over my chest.

"He's a fuckin' prick, Ava."

"Takes one to know one I guess." I snap again and he steps back on his heels. "Watch your mouth." He mutters and it just fuels my rage. "Or what?! You've been gone for four days! I don't deserve that. I didn't ask for any of this shit!" I growl and push past him ready to run. Daryl grabs my arm as I shove him out of the way but he's stronger than me and despite my attempts I don't get far.

"Let me go…" I whisper; biting down on my tongue as tears burn my eyes. When's the last time I cried? Not even when Brandon died. Daryl drops my arm as if it burned him - his expression changing quickly as I wipe at the silent tears spilling down my cheeks. When I'm finally free from his grasp I turn towards the gates silently cussing myself for not grabbing that damn toothpaste. I step towards the only exit in Alexandria just as he reaches for me again; softer this time. "Ava…"

I try to hold myself together; looking everywhere but at him. Daryl grabs my face gently forcing me to look up into his eyes. "I'm sorry…" He whispers his deep voice barely audible. "You make me feel shit I've never felt before - for anyone. The last few days have been hell not seeing you. We were tracking this horse named Buttons… then a pack of walkers got 'em. We couldn't find anything to hunt out there and all I could think about was you."

I shake my head. It doesn't matter. He said this will never work between us. "You said I was a mistake…" I mentally cuss the tremble in my voice. Put me out of my misery already. Daryl finally let's my gaze fall; hanging his head as his hair falls down in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Ava. You deserve someone better than me but it ain't him." He nods towards Spencer perched on top of the look out reading a magazine.

I open my mouth to assure him I would never give Spencer a second glance that no one could compare to him in my eyes but he turns away from me and heads into town without another word.

X

Daryl

I walk into our borrowed house and throw my crossbow on the floor beside the door; turning to the kitchen quickly. Grabbing one of Carol's many cookies - who the fuck knew she was Martha Stewart before the world turned to shit - I open the fridge and pull out one of Abraham's beers. Fuck him.

When I close the refrigerator door Carol is standing beside me and I jump - causing a laugh to escape her.

"Jesus, you're a psycho you know that?"

She waste no time telling me what I already know. "Ava looked heart broken this morning, Daryl. You can't just up and leave for almost a week without checking in. It's not fair to her."

"Last I checked I could do whatever the fuck I want."

Carol just gives me her disappointed look and I roll my eyes like a teenager; drinking the beer down quickly. I open the refrigerator again and pull out another beer turning to the stairs. For all I know Ava's gone and I'll never see her again.

"Daryl. Don't sabotage this. It's good for you,.. Ava is good for you."

I slam the fridge door and glare at my oldest friend who's quickly starting to annoy me.

"You need to get out of here for a while. Go shoot something or someone, shit."

"Daryl…" She reaches for me and I jerk my arm away; opening the beer quickly. "Drop it, alright?" Carol frowns and nods allowing me to storm up the stairs and into my room. Ignoring the bed I turn into the luxurious bathroom and shut the door - looking at myself in the large mirror. I feel like I've aged a hundred years in the past month. Is this what women do to you? Suck the fucking life out of you? I turn to the shower with a groan.

X

Ava

I enter our borrowed house fifteen minutes after Daryl; spotting Carol in the kitchen. She's standing at the counter mixing something in a bowl.

"Hey. Is Daryl back yet?" I ask quietly. It's time to go and I don't want to run into him again.

"No. I haven't seen him." She lies so easily and I nod; making my way up the stairs two at a time. I open the door to his bedroom and slip inside - grabbing my discarded jeans from earlier in the week. Rummaging through the pockets I grab the small tube of toothpaste and stand; eyes going wide as the bathroom door opens and Daryl steps out with damp hair and unbuttoned blue jeans. Fucking Carol. I knew she was a killer but a liar too?

He stares at me with those intense blue eyes waiting for my next move. I don't know weather to run to him or from him. Finally I decide to put the toothpaste in my pocket but my legs won't guide me out the door just yet.

"Don't go…" He finally whispers and the hurt in his voice makes my knees weak. "I'm sorry I left… whatever this is…" He motions between us. "Scares the shit out of me."

"I don't want to be a distraction for you Daryl. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

In three quick steps he's standing in front of me smelling like pine and smoke and Daryl. My shoulders fall in defeat. "If you leave I'll never forgive myself. I'll never stop thinking about where you are or if you're alright." His voice is still whisper quiet; causing my bottom lip to pout out. I don't want to hurt this man - I want to love him and show him that he deserves to be loved.

"Daryl…"

He closes the space between us; grabbing my face in his hands as I look up at him.

"I don't know how to love someone… but I'll try for you. Just don't leave me."

I place my hands on either side of his face bringing him down to kiss him hard; causing a groan to pass his lips. When I pull away I nod and simply say; "Okay. I won't."

Daryl pulls me to his chest and we're lost in each other yet again.

Chapter Text

Daryl

It's dark outside when Ava stirs on top of me; opening her pretty eyes with a smile on her lips. I doubt she's slept since I seen her last so despite needing to check in with Rick I've let her rest. Last I heard they were just having another get together in town anyway.

She kisses me suddenly; erasing any thoughts of the group as my hands find her face and I deepen the kiss. I can't get enough of her; the girl who saved Judith's life - who saved my life.

"Ava," She looks down at me with a grin. "Hmm?"

"As much as I want to keep you to myself… we need to go find the others - see how Rick's handling this Pete asshole."

Her smile quickly fades to a pout as she lays her head back on my chest; our hearts beating in a steady unison. "You're right. I need to go mingle with the commoners - figure out where my place is here. When I told Deanna I was more or less a stray and the only reason I was even alive is because I can run faster than most people and all the dead ones she was more interested in talking to the leaders in your group."

“You’re a part of us now whether you like it or not.” 

Looking up at me again her smile is beautiful and I know without a shadow of doubt that I would die for this girl. The realization causes a familiar tightness to form in my chest as Ava finally pushes herself up and goes to gather her discarded clothes; throwing me mine in the process. 

X

Once we're outside I reach my hand out; offering my palm to her as she takes it eagerly. Her hand in mine feels soft and warm like it's belonged there forever. I can’t help but grin as she looks up at me wide eyed and excited. We stroll down the deserted streets hand in hand noticing the large crowd gathered in the town center where they throw their ridiculous parties.

Just as we make it to the circle of onlookers the wife beater - Pete - appears out of the darkness wielding Michonne's katana blade; yelling a drunken slur of words to Rick who is trying to detain the situation. 

My back goes stiff as Deanna's husband tries to intervene and gets his throat cut in the process. The next thirty seconds erupt in chaos with Abe throwing Pete on his stomach and Deanna falling to her knees beside her bleeding husband. I glance over at Ava who's bright eyes are to large for her face as Rick pulls his gun and shoots Pete dead by Alexandria's leaders command.

X

Ava

I knew we should have stayed in bed. Instead of basking in the afterglow of amazing sex I'm standing in the middle of a blood bath.

Most of the townspeople have fled the seen in horror leaving only an elderly couple and a few families gathered around the chaos. I lock eyes on the newcomer - an older black man holding a long stick stares at Rick like he just slapped his mama. There's to many people to keep up with here. I give Daryl's hand a tight squeeze before slipping away from him and moving towards the elderly couple who seem to be in shock. The wife is clutching her pearls and the husband is just holding her; dumbfounded.

"Hey. Let me help you guys get back to your house. I think we've all had enough socializing tonight, don't you?"

The wife seems to snap out of her trance and look at me like I've sprouted another head.

"Who are you?"

"A friend of Spencer's; Deanna's son?"

"Oh, what a lovely young man. Is he alright? His poor father… and Jessie's husband. What kind of people has Deanna let in here?"

The kind that wouldn't think twice about killing you lady, let's move. I force my sweetest smile and usher the couple towards their home.

"Spencer's fine." I have no idea if that's the truth but if it gets granny walking I don't care. "As far as the new people… they're just trying to keep the peace, ya know? I heard Jessie's husband was a real jerk."

The little old lady clutches my arm and nods. "That poor girl and her children. They'll be better off without him."

I only nod in agreement; thankful when we finally get to their house and I can help them inside. "Thank you dear. What a horrible night." The woman calls as I jog down the steps.

Across the street a few traumatized kids are screaming as their father drags them away from the carnage. I make my way to dad who's at the end of his rope and kneel down to get eye level with his screaming son. "Hey. Crazy night huh?" The kid turns off the dramatics and stares at me; confused and scared. I look over to his brother who’s maybe a year older. "Which house is yours?"

The oldest kid points to a house at the end of the street. "I bet you can't beat me in a race to your front porch?" The younger kid brightens - forgetting about the chaos in the center for now at least as he takes off and I scramble after him. His big brother is hot on my heels and I ease back so he can pass - both tearing down the street to their porch. I stop a few feet away and wave; holding my chest like they really exerted me.

"You got me! Rematch tomorrow though!" I call as they laugh and stumble into the house. "Hey. Thank you. I didn't know how I was going to ever get them down the street."

"No problem." I assure dad with a slap to his back and jog back towards the town center.

Daryl is talking to Rick while the others look on - Pete and Reg's bodies laying in the street. Deanna is on her knees above Reg cradling his head and as far as I know no one has stabbed him in the brain yet. She's just waiting for her husband to reanimate and eat her face off.

Fatigue suddenly washes over me as I go to Deanna and kneel; giving her a shoulder a sympathetic squeeze. My heart aches for her but I’ve never loved anyone so her silently tears make little sense to me. I advert my eyes meeting Daryl’s who’s starting at me intently as Rick speaks low and quick between them. His gaze never falls and it stirs something deep inside of me. I turn my attention back to Deanna and try to steady the butterflies floating around my stomach. Surely this isn’t love? There’s a man below me with his head nearly chopped off - that has to be the reason my stomach is filled with dread. 

"Let's take a walk, ok?" I ask Deanna as she finally looks up at me with vacant eyes. She nods and gives me her blood soaked hands as I pull her to her feet and wrap my arm around her shoulders; turning her away from Reg as Abraham reads my mind and slides a blade deep into his skull.

I remove Deanna from the carnage - walking slowly with her down the street until Spencer appears looking past us as Rick and the newcomer begin moving the bodies. He looks at me in shock and then at his despondent mother who’s covered in bright red blood. 

"Pete… he… he killed Reg." Deanna whispers to Spencer as he takes his mother from me; holding her close to his chest as he looks past us to the town center again. "Get her inside. She doesn't need to see anymore."

Spencer looks down at me like he's noticing me for the first time; tears welling in his eyes. "Get her cleaned up and in bed and don't leave her side tonight." I order him and he nods; pulling Deanna closer.

"T-thank you, Ava." He whispers - all the color leaving his face as he turns to their house and walks Deanna inside.

It's probably been thirty minutes but I feel like days have passed when I see Daryl again. "Are you alright?" He asks; searching my arm for any lesions. I wipe Reg's blood on my pants and nod. "Not mine." I assure quietly as he pulls me close to his chest and kisses the top of my head. When we turn back to the others half are staring in shock at his affection while the others smile with knowing; despite the horror around them.

"I saw you help that couple back to their house and get Deanna out of here. That was quick thinking." Maggie's husband tells me. I think his name is Glenn? I've been here for almost two months now and barely know any of the adults in Daryl's group.

In my defense they all seem to have their own things going on. Not knowing what to say I can only smile; surprised when Daryl slips his hand into mine again. "Come on," He mutter's and begins moving towards Rick. Their fearless leader is arguing with someone that "we don't bury murders inside these walls" and the irony is not lost to me. I guess in Rick’s mind he is Judge and Jury. I just hope I never get on his bad side.

"Hey." Rick turns to Daryl and exhales. He looks tired. “I'll help ya get this cleaned up."

The leader shakes his head; noticing Daryl's holding onto my hand tightly. "This is my mess. Morgan said he'd help. Won't take us long. Your headed out in the morning, right? Go get some rest." Rick turns to his group quickly. "We all need to get some rest. It's been a long day."

Rick looks down at me quickly. "You helped the others get home? Helped Deanna?" He asks me and I nod; suddenly intimidated by this man before me. "Take Ava on the supply run tomorrow. She's proved she can keep a level head and watch your backs. You'll need the numbers."

I look up at Daryl who only nods as he's dismissed from the leader. Wow, my first real job in the apocalypse. Alexandria's own personal shopper. Daryl walks down the empty street without a word; lost in his own thoughts. I silently pray he's not thinking about leaving me again but the way his hand feels in mine reassures me we're on the right track. We walk in silence all the way to the hallway in our shared house and when I finally pull my hand from his to go to my own designated room he grunts; turning to look at me quickly.

"What are you doing?"

I swallow; trying my best to ignore his perfect voice. "Going to bed? What time should I be up for the run tomorrow?" Excitement buzzes in my bones about finally being able to go outside these walls but also being able to return. Daryl takes my hand again and pulls me close to his chest; leaning down so his words are just for me. "My bed is your bed now." He assures quietly as every hair rises on my body and I look up at him with a smile.

"Ok."

I let him guide me into the bedroom as he shuts the door behind us and turns the lock. Another thrill runs through me and it has nothing to do with leaving tomorrow.

"Do you want to shower first or me?” I am covered in someone else’s blood after all. 

"How about both?” Daryl asks me; running a hand into my hair - bringing my lips to his. I feel the stress of everything that's happened in the past hour melt away and there's only him and his skilled hands down my back and on my ass - lifting me up until I'm wrapped around his waist and he's walking to the bathroom. Once inside he sits me on the sink and leans into me; kissing me until my lungs burn for air.

I finally pull away and sit back - resting my head on the wall behind me as I watch him turn the shower on and reach behind himself; pulling his shirt over his head carefully. Ugh, why are guys that do that so hot? A gasp leaves my throat as he discards the shirt and I sit up straight; reaching out to touch a long scar that goes from his shoulder blade to the base of his spine; eyes going wide at the matching one on the left. He flinches at my touch.

"Oh my god, Daryl…"

"I told you mine and God's name don't belong together." He mutters; adjusting the temperature of the water before reaching for his belt and sliding it out of his pants quickly. I hop off the sink and pull my own shirt off; unbuttoning my jeans before sliding them down my legs. A minute later I'm standing in the spray of the warm water behind Daryl; eyes still fixated on his back.

I don't know what to ask first. Who did his to you or where can I find them? They deserve a slow death.

"My dad." He answers my unspoken question; letting his head hang as the water trails down his neck and shoulders. "Merle was always the loud one - running his mouth every chance he got. He'd get the old man riled up and then take off and I was the one left to take the beating for it."

I place my hand on his back; thankful for the shower stream as the water hides my tears and I kiss one of the marks softly - causing him to tense again. A second later he's facing me; lifting me to his chest as his eager mouth crashes against my own and my back hits the shower wall. Steam rises around us; warming my soul and Daryl doesn't hesitate this time - entering me with a low groan that liquifies my body. I am one with the steam as he moves; trusting into me desperately as I snake my arms around his neck and cry out - my moans muffled by his mouth on mine.

He's cussing again - or maybe praying as his release comes quick; filling me deeply and my own body tightens around him - fireworks exploding behind my closed eyes.

I groan as he pulls away suddenly and searches my face before he kisses me again hard on the mouth.

"Fuck," He whispers against my lips as my hands seek him - pulling him back in closer. "What the hell are you doing to me, girl?" Daryl continues and I moan again - forcing my tongue back into his mouth. I'm not ready for this to be over - I need him; every part of him and he swallows another groan as his fingers find my center.

X

Sometime later when my skin is all wrinkly and my eyes are too heavy Daryl carries me to the bed; laying me back on a luxurious pillow as he climbs over my body and pulls me close to him - nuzzling his face into the bend of my neck. 

Are we even in an apocalypse anymore? Maybe I died in that barn and was sent straight to Heaven for all my good deeds.

"Daryl…" I whisper; sleep is taking me fast. "Hmm?” The weight of his body on mine fills me with a comfort I’ve never know before as his teeth nip at my neck and I groan. 

"I'm sorry your dad was such an asshole. No one deserves what he did to you." My words are heavy and drawn out. It's taking my last ounce of energy to speak from the heart. Daryl is to quiet and I feel the pull of sleep washing over me. "Daryl?" I say again and get another "hmm" for my trouble. "You would be easy to love."

His arm tightens around my middle but he makes me no comment and a second later this blissful non-apocalypse world fades to black.

Chapter Text

Two weeks later.

Ava

"I want to go with you." I whisper to Daryl as we stand on the front porch of our Alexandrian safe house. The sun has yet to rise above the wall and the rest of the group are getting their last minutes of sleep in before they head to the quarry that's barely holding back a massive herd of roamers.

Daryl closes the space between us and bows his head; letting his hair fall over his eyes as a smile escapes me and he nuzzles his face against my neck. "I need you here - safe. Plus Carol's gonna need back up if the Alexandrian's turn against us."

"Okay." I finally say but don't attempt to move away from him - our foreheads touching as a pout escapes me. Daryl wraps his arms around me - bringing me into his chest as he inhales deeply; memorizing the smell of apple shampoo we found last week on our supply run. "I'll be back soon." He whispers as I nod; kissing him before he moves off the porch to go start up his bike and load the supplies they need for today.

I stand on the porch with my arms around myself like I'm sending him off to war; watching him disappear towards Aaron's house. I know Daryl is plenty capable of taking care of himself but the tightness in my chest doesn't waver and a sigh escapes me. I'm falling in love with him but that's a story for another day. I know deep in my twisted heart that if I confessed that secret I'd probably never see him again.

"Please keep him safe," I whisper to any God that will listen and turn to go into the house.

X

The day started out like many others - massive amounts of laundry and filthy bathrooms to scrub. Living with several barbaric men and a teenage boy kept the domestics duties plentiful and somehow I do more laundry then supply runs.

An apocalyptic house wife at her best. 

Carrying a basket of laundry down the stairs I spot Carol turning the dial on a cooking timer as she smiles at me. Look at us just a pair of home makers. "Good morning! Casseroles in the oven everyone should be back by the time it’s ready.” 

I smile and nod; sitting the basket down on a chair. "I never thanked you for getting my weapons back." I say as conversation. “…or for talking some sense into Daryl. So, thank you."

Carol's smile widens. "What you did for Judith that day won't easily be forgotten, Ava. You're one of us now and there’s no talking sense into Daryl… but I’m glad he made the right decision.” 

We share a smile and bask in comfortable silence for a few minutes as Carol turns to look out the window. One of the other housewives - the one that drones on and on about a pasta maker - is standing in her yard puffing on a cigarette; she lifts her hand in a wave as Carol greets her.

We both watch in horror as a man dressed in black appears out of nowhere and stabs her in the chest - her screams filling the town. The next minute goes by in a blur - Carl flying down the stairs as Carol comes alive - yelling at him to protect Judith as she turns to me.

"You need to warn the others! Move quickly and stay alert. They'll keep to the main streets."

I nod; suddenly terrified and take off out the door towards the other houses. "Where are you going?" I ask Carol right before she splits away from me towards the wall. "To stop this."

X

The first house I come to is The Johnson's; the elderly couple I helped home the night Pete's brains were sprayed all over Main Street. I slip in the back door thankful that it's unlocked and run slam into Mrs. Johnson who's cleaning a dish at the sink. She startles and looks around quickly associating me with trouble. 

"Oh, Ava. What's wrong honey?"

I go to her quickly and press my finger to my lips. "People are attacking the community and I need you guys to hide."

"What? Attacking?"

I guide her down the hall to where Joe is standing; already aware of the Wolves and ask them if they have a safe place to go to. He nods and takes me into a back bedroom; moving the rug to show me a door that leads to what I assume is a part of their basement.

"Does it lock from the inside?"

Joe nods.

"Great. Lock yourselves inside and I'll replace the rug. I'll come back when it's safe."

Mrs. Johnson reaches for me with wide eyes. "Ava dear there's room for you. Come with us."

I consider it for a second but then think of Carol. I don't want to let her down and I'm tired of running. "I've got to help the others." I assure her with a smile before closing the door and replacing the rug.

A second later I'm outside watching another intruder bludgeon someone to death with a large stick. I disappear just in time and slip into an open window of the next occupied house to warn them of the impending doom.

X

It feels like years have passed when I finally sit down on the top step of the borrowed porch. I glance over at the empty spot to my right and the weight of the past few days catches up with me. Daryl and the others are still gone and things have been so chaotic in Alexandria I haven't had a chance to talk to Rick to get any information of where they could be.

Daryl can take care of himself; I assure no one and swallow the dread that rises in my throat. Between the wolves attacking, that damn truck with its blaring horn and all the roamers surrounding us… how could it get any worse?

I look up slowly as the sound of splintering wood echos through the town. A second later the church tower smashes down on three panels of wall and the roamers begin piling into Alexandria by the hundreds.

"Fuck me.” 

Leaping to my feet I head south to the look out tower where I first met Spencer and climb like my life depends on it. Thankfully the roamers don't have the fine motor skills to follow me up and I make it to the top quickly - surprised to see Maggie laying a few inches away. She places a finger to her lips and I nod; making myself comfortable. With all the commotion going on in the town the roamers should move on easily as long as we don't make much noise.

"Are you ok?" I finally whisper once the herd thins some what glancing over to Maggie who's obviously been crying. She nods and sits up as the herd moves on.

"Glenn's not back yet."

I frown at the thought. "Yeah, Daryl either." I answer and sit with my back against the railing - pulling my legs into my chest. Maggie looks at me for a long minute before looking down at her hands. "I'm sorry. I try to be strong but sometimes… I don't think I'm doing this right."

"I feel like that too. You are strong though - you've survived a lot."

Maggie looks up at me slowly; forcing a weak smile. "I hope I can survive this." I let her sad gaze fall and look down at the walker herd below us. Only a few have stayed back to growl and hiss at the look out. "I think we'll be alright." I assure and look at her again.

"I'm pregnant."

My eyes grow wide and I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. What do I say? I'm sorry? Or congratulations?

"Does Glenn know?" What's worse? Dying knowing you have a child on the way or dying without knowing you're going to be a dad. Maggie nods; wiping away a tear that slides down her cheek. "He does. We've been trying since we got to Alexandria. We wanted to bring something good into the world."

I'm at a loss for words again. Bringing a child into a dying world sounds selfish to me but who am I to judge. I allow myself thirty seconds to picture Daryl with several dark haired children at his feet but I still can't bring myself to congratulate her so I simply say "Glenn is smart. He'll be home soon."

Maggie just gives another forced smile as I stand to my feet. "Where are you going?"

"You need to stay here. I need to go fight."

I need to keep my mind off the doom that's filling my chest every second. Daryl's been gone to long and now it's painfully obvious he didn't turn the herd away from Alexandria.

"Ava!" She calls as I descend down the ladder. I look at her over the top rung. "Daryl is on his way back to you. Be careful." I smile and demand her and her baby stay put then disappear into the herd of walkers.

The first one I kill is my camouflage and I gut it quickly; covering myself from head to toe in its rotten blood. The plan is to make it to Rick and the others while silently taking out as many roamers as I can. Once my scent is masked I begin the slow shuffle towards the herd - blending in as I go to work; sliding the sharp blade of my knife into the back of each roamer's skull I come across. The ones closest to me start to catch on that I'm not a true walker but are quickly distracted by screaming and fresh blood a few feet ahead.

It's hard to see through the herd but it sounds like a kid screaming for his mother and then the eerie silence of the consequences. I shuffle along with the dead; flinching slightly as a gun shot rings out. More blood shed must be before us because my company never bothers looking my way again as we move towards the carnage.

My body is tired; limbs aching from overexertion from the past few days and I silently pray I can keep going long enough to get through this and that Daryl is waiting for me on the other side. Once I make it to Rick he is fueled by rage and murdering walkers by the dozen - blindly slicing through them without thought. I slow my pace to stay out of his assault looking to the sky as it suddenly lights up in a blaze of fire. The herd begins to turn and I fall behind - allowing the distracted walkers to go on towards their doom.

Once most of the walkers have plunged into the pond behind Deanna's house I lift my tired eyes and see Daryl standing on top of a large truck with… is that a bazooka on his shoulder? He looks like a complete bad ass standing on that truck with the fire raging behind him and relief washes over me. I'm literally dead on my feet now but seeing Daryl alive gives me a boost of adrenaline and my legs begin to pound the pavement towards the fuel truck.

X

Daryl

Once Maggie's inside the fuel truck I turn to her - eyes pleading. "Is she alright?" She knows who I'm asking about but she can only shake her head. "I don't know. She left me on the tower to go help thin the herd."

I turn around quickly and slam my palm into the steering wheel. I won't fucking lose her. If she's dead I'll claw my way into hell and bring her back. "Daryl?" Sasha's voice is quiet next to me and I don't look at her. "I know why you left us earlier. I get it - we need to stop this now before it's to late."

I sit with my thought's for another second before opening the drivers door and pulling myself up to the roof; leaning down to look in the cab. The others just stare at me with wide eyes. "Gimme the launcher." I mutter as Abe hands it over and I place it on top of the truck; looking back at them. "Back us down by the pond and empty the fuel. I'll shoot an RPG and set the pond on fire and hopefully that will drawl the walkers away from Rick."

Sasha nods and slides over to the drivers seat as I climb back on top of the truck and hold on. A few minutes pass before we're backing down towards the pond and Abe gets out of the truck to empty the fuel into the water. Once he's a safe distance away I stand to my feet and mount the RPG launcher on my shoulder - firing into the pond as it ignites in a massive blaze of fire.

The walkers turn from the group and begin to fall into the pond. After a few minutes there's only one lone walker standing in the street; covered in blood and staring at me with the brightest blue eyes. A second later it’s running at full speed towards the truck - wild hair flying behind her and I realize it's Ava. I set the RPG launcher on top of the truck and jump down catching her in my arms as she slams into my chest - nearly knocking me down.

I wrap my arms around her thin frame and hold her tightly as a sob escapes her and she clutches my back sinking to the ground quickly. I move my hands to her face and pull her back enough to look into her tired eyes. "Are you bit?" I ask because she's covered in blood and Im not sure why she's crying; she's on the brink of hysteria as she finally shakes her head no and I pull her back into my chest.

"Everything's gonna be alright now." I whisper to her as she finally sinks her weight into me and let's go of the tension the past few days have caused.

X

Once I’ve helped Ava shower the blood and grime away I climb into bed with her; wrapping my arms tightly around her body. “Is Carl going to be okay?” She whispers as the tears start again and she buries her face in my chest trying to control her sobs. 

“Rick says he’s responding to his voice. Carl’s tough as hell.” I whisper against her ear - holding her tighter. I run my fingers over her back softly as her sobs finally slow and much needed sleep takes her over. I could close my eyes and sleep for a year but Rick’s waiting on me downstairs to go regroup after the quarry. After a moment of protest Ava allows me to lay her on her stomach and slip away but not before I lean down and kiss the top of her head. I can’t keep fighting this feeling I’ve had for the past several days. An all consuming dread at the thought of not coming home to her. 

I leave quietly and jog down the stairs; spotting Rick alone in the kitchen stabbing away at whatever food Martha Stewart’s made for us. “Hey. Carl still alright?” 

Rick looks up and nods; looking as tired as I feel. “Yeah. He’s gonna be alright. Toughest kid I’ve ever seen.” 

“Hell yeah he is. I’m uh; sorry about Jessie…” Rick just nods, kneeling his head over his bowl of mystery food. “Things have really gotten off tract here. I promise you… and the others… my loyalty lies with you. Always.” 

“We know.” Silence falls as I grab a bowl and help myself to dinner.

“How’s Ava? She looked dead on her feet when we finally got here. Carol said she covered more ground than anyone could have warning the others about the wolves. Then she helped bury the dead and killed several walkers after the church tower fell. I don't know how she's still going."

I make him no comment; shoving a spoonful of Carol's food in my mouth. I'm not ready to admit to Rick how relieved I am that Ava is still alive or how proud I am that she stayed and fought for this place.

We talk some more about the assholes in the burnt Forrest and the dire need for a supply run but decide on a good nights sleep for now. Tomorrow will be a long day clearing the dead from the streets.

"Hey."

I stop at the bottom of the stairs but don't look back. "You care about Ava."

"I know." I grunt in response; keeping my back to him. He takes a frustrated breath. "Does she? This life is to short, Daryl. Tell her." We stand in silence for a long moment before I take my leave up the stairs without a response.

X

Chapter Text

Daryl

I'm tired - deep in my bones and all I want to do is wrap myself around Ava and fall into oblivion but I find myself hesitating at our bedroom door; reaching my hand out for the knob slowly. You care about Ava. Rick's words echo in my head as I push through the door quietly and make my way to the bed. Ava is sleeping peacefully on her stomach facing the window - moonlight casting a soft glow over her pretty face. She looks younger than she is while sleeping - I’ve spent many nights studying her features; memorizing every curve and line. The thought of losing her now causes an ache to build in my chest. I do care about her - more than I've ever cared about anyone before. When we made it back to Alexandria and there was no sign of her - just a massive walker heard before us I felt a rage light in me. There's nothing I wouldn't do to save this girl in my bed - protect her at all cost. I would let the world burn if it meant keeping her alive.

I love her.

The realization hits me like a ton of bricks as I sink into the bed and wrap my arms around her tightly; causing her to stir as she brings her own around my back and holds me close. 

“Everything okay?” She whispers voice still deep with sleep. “Yeah, everything’s good. Go back to sleep.” I answer and run my fingers through her hair. She leans forward and kisses me softly as sleep finds her once again. I pull her into my chest and wrap my arms around her protectively. 

No good can come from this feeling inside of me. 

X

Ava

My eyes open slowly; adjusting to the darkness as the silhouette of Daryl's face registers. The hopelessness my dream has left in my chest fades a little as I sigh in relief and reach out to touch him. He's not missing or dead or a roamer lost forever - he's here with me; warm in the bed we share.

I let my fingers move down his cheek; his stubble rough against my palm.

Daryl stirs suddenly; eyes popping open as he drawls in a deep breath - surprised to see me staring at him in the dark. He grabs my hand quickly; holding it a little too hard but it’s not easy to shake these apocalyptic reflexes. 

"Sorry. I'm sorry…" I whisper as his brain wakes up and his hold on my hand loosens. "Go back to sleep.." I add; so quietly he may not hear me. The way he's looking at me now assures me he's fully awake and fighting his own demons. I hold his gaze as he comes alive before me and crashes his lips to mine. I start to protest - to demand he get more rest but his hand slips around my hips - pulling me roughly against his hard body and the desire between us.

I can only moan against his mouth which seems to be his undoing as he pushes me on my back and climbs over me - positioning himself between my legs. A minute later my panties are around one ankle and he is buried deep inside me - his chest against mine; breathing against my neck and I feel a tremble of pleasure ripple through me.

"Daryl," I whisper with a groan as he wraps a strong arm under my back - brining my hips up to meet his as he starts to move.

"I didn't know if I'd get to see you again…" He says in that low throaty voice - whisper quiet as he thrusts into me slowly kissing my neck between every few words. "Didn't know if I'd get to feel you again…"

My head falls back on the pillow as his velvety voice fills my soul; the slow rhythm of his body against mine causing the burn of desire to wash over me and make it difficult to focus.

"I thought…." I whisper; my hands moving up his back and into his hair as he groans against my throat. "I thought I lost you."

His deep thrust stop suddenly bringing me back to earth as he lifts his head and looks at me - searching my eyes for a long moment before he speaks again. "You'll never lose me. I'll never let that happen." Despite the pleasure I find myself pouting; my heart twisting in knots at the thought of something happening to him. Daryl bows his head again; his next words are quiet against my lips.

"I love you Ava."

I pull gently at the back of his hair causing his head to tilt back but his eyes are hooded; staring at my lips. "Daryl," I whisper and his blue eyes meet mine slowly. "I love you." I assure him and you'd think that confession would spark a moment of joy but in this world - in our situation loving someone mostly means inevitable doom. "I love you." I say again because I've never said those words aloud and I know he's never really heard them before. He nods his head slowly before kissing me; seeking my tongue against his as he begins to move inside of me - quicker now; holding my body against his as a moan escapes him.

"Fucking hell, Ava…" I feel myself tighten as he finds his release; deep inside of me which is as thrilling as it is terrifying. "Fuck…" He groans against my throat; pushing himself up on his arms as he looks down at me.

"It's ok." I assure him softly as I come down from my high; taking in a deep breath as he watches me carefully. "Maggie's pregnant." I have no idea why that statement flys out of my mouth but Daryl shares my earlier reaction - wide eyes full of doom. "Doesn't mean I want to put you through that." He snaps and I can't help but laugh.

"I know! I…" A groan of frustration escapes me as Daryl pushes himself off the bed and grabs his discarded clothes. "It's okay." I assure him; sitting up on my knees quickly and reaching out to put my arms around his neck. It takes a second before he slides his arms around me; burying his face in my hair.

X

The next two months give our group the break we need. We manage to clean up Alexandria; bury the dead and remove the walkers as well as reinforce the wall. Carl wakes up and begins his healing process; officially becoming the toughest son of bitch I've ever known. He rewards me with a big smile when I tell him as much.

Daryl and I dodge a bullet when no signs of pregnancy arise and Maggie seems to be coming along just fine. Maybe we're finally catching a much deserved break.

"Me and Rick's goin' on a run tomorrow. Gonna to try to find food to bring back. The supply's getting low here."

I glance up at him from the book I'm reading; Pharmacology 101. Perhaps I could become a pharmacist in the apocalypse no schooling required. No pay either tho. I frown at the thought. "There's plenty of that vegan jerky still left - it people would just humble themselves."

I catch the grin forming on Daryl's lips as he crawls into the bed beside me and takes my reading material; eyebrows creasing as he tries to make sense of it. "This looks Greek."

"Latin, I think. Denise let me borrow it. I told her I'd try my best to help out - learn some of the terminology. She says there's a pharmacy a few miles East that may still have medicine inside."

Daryl dog ears the page I'm on and sits it down on the night stand; turning to look at me. I smile as he reaches out and brushes a fallen strand of hair behind my ear before leaning into my parted lips. "I think Rick said we're headed West. Supposed to be some gas stations off the beaten path. You want me to look for anything specific?"

I'm lost in his eyes; shaking my head no as he grins again and kisses me. "Are you even listening?"

"Of course. I could listen to you and that perfect voice forever." I assure; turning to lay my head on his chest as he wraps an arm around my back - trailing his fingers down the bend of my hip. "Oh yeah?" He asks - deliberately lowering his tone as a laugh escapes me.

We lay in comfortable silence for a minute before random gossip pops into my head. "Did you know Abe left Rosita for Sasha? After all that with Rick and Jesse and Pete… it's like your friends are in their own sitcom."

Daryl laughs quietly; stopping his delightful caress on my side. I look up at him and his grin is contagious. "Sounds like a lot of drama."

"Yeah. It is but it keeps things entertaining I guess. Im not sure what I did before Days of our Apocalypse Life aired."

I push myself up on my arms so I'm looking down at Daryl who can only shake his head in amusement - thankful that he never pays attention to the relationships that go on around him. "I bet you don't even know Carol's sweet on that Tobin guy who's building back the church tower."

"What? Carol?"

I burst into a quiet fit of giggles as Daryl questions me; desperate to know the details.

"You really should pay more attention around here." I say with a laugh as his smile returns and he reaches up to push my hair back - sliding his hand into my hair and bringing me down to his mouth; kissing me deeply. I slide my leg over his hips and straddle him quickly; groaning as he nearly sits up - both hands in my hair holding my in place as my fingers go to work; unbuttoning his pants then mine before breaking our passionate kiss to pull my shirt over my head.

A second later I'm on my back and Daryl is kissing his way down my neck; letting his tongue caress every part his lips touch before he stops at my navel - looking up at me with those serious blue eyes; his messy hair falling past the hues. "Why are you so hot?" I demand letting my head fall back to the bed as he laughs a slips my jeans over my hips and down my legs quickly. Before I have a second to register what's next his tongue is inside of me lapping up the pleasure he's created and my own chest rattles with a deep groan; fingers searching and finding his head as he quickens his pace - clutching my hips roughly when my center tightens and my legs begin to shake; his name on my lips my undoing.

Relaxing my arched spine Daryl rests his head against my lower belly; breathing deeply before kissing his way back to my lips - hovering over them as he kicks away his own pants and frees himself; pushing inside of me slowly. I drown the profanity on his lips with my tongue - pulling him into me as he groans my name like a prayer.

"You're gonna be the death of me…" He whispers against my lips; hooking an arm under my hips as he begins to thrust into me over and over again until all of the mundane things in my brain are gone and all that's left is Daryl. A cry escapes me as he fucks me harder until I'm tightening around him and my head falls back on the bed; his teeth on my neck as his own release comes quickly. "Fucking hell…" He groans, bowing his head as he pulls air into his lungs.

"I fucking love you."

I feel the fire inside of me ignite at his words; his lips against my ear as he kisses the side of my face and grabs a discarded shirt to clean us off. I can only watch him with hooded eyes - complete bliss washing over me.

"I love you." I assure softly as he hands me my clothes and I slip them on; wrapping myself around him once he's beside me again. He kisses the top of my head as my eyes get heavy and sleep takes over quickly.

Chapter Text

Ava

It's been two weeks since Jesus showed up and introduced us to The Hilltop and another week since Rick led his group towards the saviors outpost and committed mass genocide to our enemies. Luckily I was able to sit that one out because I don't think I could stomach that much murder in such a small place. Plus I’ve got a pharmacology exam that day with Denise. 

"If anyone objects to us doing this speak your mind now."

I glance over to Daryl who keeps his eyes on Rick. He won't go against him - he knows this is the only way to preserve what we have here - and I won't go against Daryl so I sit quietly in the pew thinking about how ironic it is to be in a church discussing murder.

After Morgan says his peace - which falls on deaf ears the meeting is adjourned and we file out of the church like it's noon on Sunday.

Daryl grabs my arm as I pass him; headed to the infirmary. "Hey." I force a smile - looking up at him with blue eyes. "Hey."

"It's them or us. This is the way it's gotta be."

I keep my smile and nod. "I know." I assure placing my hand on his chest. "I've got to meet Denise. I'll see you in a little bit, ok?"

Daryl watches me closely trying to decide if I'm really ok with their plan. After a minute he leans down and kisses me like it's the last time he'll ever kiss me before turning back towards the church where Rick is waiting with details of their murderous plans.

X

I look up from the medical book slowly as Daryl walks into the infirmary and I'm on my feet; wrapping my arms around him as he buries his face in the bend of my neck.

"Is everyone ok?" I whisper as he kisses the exposed part of my shoulder; tightening his grip around me. "Are you ok?" I pull away from him enough to search his tired eyes and he nods. "Maybe one day we won't have to keep killing people to survive."

I place my palm on his face; "You'll always do what's best for your family. There's nothing wrong with that." I assure him - searching his eyes. 

"Those assholes had my bike… the people I tried to help in the burnt woods must be a part of the saviors. They've still got my bow."

"You'll get it back." I say with a smile before sitting back down in front of the thick medical book on the table. Daryl grunts a response and takes the seat beside me; looking over my shoulder. "How's this coming along?"

"Slowly. I barely made it out of high school I don't know why Denise thinks I'll ever figure it out."

"I've got faith in ya." Daryl assures quietly as I close the book and turn to face him; my smile bringing his own. "You're definitely the only person who ever has."

"You done here?" His deep voice vibrates his chest as he speaks; whispering the words against my ear. Definitely not done - I want to learn what medicines we need to bring back from our supply run if we get that lucky but the way Daryl is watching me now makes up my mind for me. His gaze is primal and locked onto my lips.

"Yeah. I'm done."

In one quick move his chair rakes across the floor and he's lifting me up in his arms; carrying me out of the infirmary like a bride on her wedding night - barely stopping to greet Abe and Sasha in the yard as he makes his way up the front steps. I bury my face in his shoulder with a laugh as he grunts a greeting to Rick and Michonne and goes up the inside stairs quickly.

He kicks the bedroom door closed like some kind of barbarian and swiftly tosses me on the bed. I scramble to my knees with a grin and try to brace myself as he comes towards me like the apex predator he is. Picking up a discarded pillow I hold out my hand; lost in a fit of giggles as he grins. "You think that'll stop me?"

"I was pillow fighting champion of the world in 2006." I lie - tightening my grip on the pillow as he stalks towards me. Once he's in range I swing - connecting with his side but he swats the weapon away easily and climbs on the bed - running both hands into my hair as he pulls me to his chest roughly and crashes his lips to mine. There's a desperation in his kiss that sends a thrill through me as I use my momentum to push him backwards until he's laying on his back and I'm straddling his hips - barely breaking our connection.

Daryl runs his hands up my thighs and over my ass; tightening his grip to hold me against him as his tongue brushes against mine and a groan escapes my throat. A moment later I have to pull away for air - searching his serious eyes with my own. I manage a smile but the look on his face tells me he's thinking the worst of something.

"Marry me."

That was not what I was expecting him to say. I open my mouth to protest - married in the apocalypse? That sounds like the stupidest shit I've ever hear of. We need to focus our energy on staying alive not ancient customs that mean nothing. Daryl just stares at me; his unruly hair covering half his face and I'm still trying to find the words to answer him. My brain is laughing it's ass off but my heart is twisted in a painful realization that of course I would marry this man. I would do anything he asked of me.

"Okay."

My answer is so whisper quiet I'm afraid he didn't hear me but the smile that spreads across his face assures me he did. I lean my body down again and place my lips to his. "Really?" He asks and I nod; my smile spreading wide. "I love you, Daryl. If you want to get married we'll get married… but how?"

"Gabriel. I already asked him if he would."

My face is beginning to hurt from the ridiculous smile I can't seem to lose and I bury my face in the bend of his neck as he wraps his arms around my back tightly.

"When?" I whisper against his ear. "Sunday. After his sermon."

"Okay." I whisper and he holds me even tighter. In three days I'll be Mrs. Daryl Dixon. What a ridiculous concept. Married in the zombie apocalypse. I giggle against his neck but keep that thought to myself. I meant what I said - I love this man and I'd he wants to marry me so be it. I'll be the best damn apocalyptic wife anyones ever had.

X

Daryl

"It's alright if you want to stay behind. You're important here. No one will think any less of you for staying."

I watch Ava as she tries to talk Denise out of going on the supply run to the pharmacy but I can see the determination in her eyes - she's going and she keeps talking about some kinda orange pop. It's almost as bad as the woman and the pasta maker - God rest her soul.

Ava forces a smile but I can tell she's nervous. She doesn't want Denise - the only somewhat doctor in Alexandria to risk her life but the girls ready to leave these walls who are we to stop her.

"We're burnin' daylight." I mutter as the girls reluctantly follow me out of the infirmary and towards the truck we're taking. Rosita shows up halfway there assuring us she needs to get out of these walls for the day so she'll join us. Great - just another girls day out. We pile into the worn out truck and I throw my hand up in a wave as some of the community members see us off.

We should make it home by sundown. I glance over at Ava who's nearly sitting on my lap in the tight space looking out the window; she catches me staring and grins placing her hand on my knee. Denise is not impressed with my manual driving skills but I press the clutch in deliberately and grind into second gear as we hit the open road.

X

"Wow. This is amazing."

"If you want to sit the bottles up here I can tell you what they're for."

Ava hoists herself into the pharmacy window and opens her backpack; dumping drugs in quickly. "Nah. We'll take it all." I assure her - following Ava's lead as we empty the pharmacy quickly.

"Hey! They never had my name before." Ava says - pulling a keychain from a trinket stand quickly. "I don't see any of your names." She hands me the keychain that simply reads "Ava" and smiles. "Keep that forever." She demands before going back to work.

X

"Hold on." Denise calls as we make our way back to the truck. We keep walking a few feet as she turns - headed to an abandoned car.

"We need to get back."

I watch Ava close the space between herself and the makeshift doctor. "I'm not a child. I can handle one walker!" Denise snaps as she opens the car door and pulls out a blue cooler.

"This one's dead already anyway." She assures; turning her back to the inanimate zombie slumped over in the passengers seat of the abandoned car as she opens the cooler and gasps. Rosita and I turn towards them; curious as to what's in the cooler. Denise smiles wide and pulls out a six pack of orange soda. "It's Tara's lucky day!" She says excitedly just as the walker beside her begins to move - reaching out and grabbing her arm suddenly. We can only watch in horror as the walker digs it's nails into her flesh - her screams ringing out into the trees as it sinks its teeth into her.

Ava pulls her knife to kill the zombie only to have another one round the backside of the vehicle and grab Denise from behind - sinking its teeth into her shoulder. Rosita shoots the second walker as Denise falls to the ground in agony pleading with Ava to help her.

Her fear and screams will cause more walkers to come and we'll quickly be out numbered.

Ava seems to read my mind and I can only watch in horror as she pulls her gun from her back and points it at a dying Denise - shooting her in the head to put her out of her misery. Once the doctor is silent and unmoving Ava turns to me with wide tear filled eyes; dropping her gun to the ground.

I go to her and pull her to my chest; wrapping my arms around her thin frame as a sob escapes her. "I… I didn't know what else to do…." She whispers against my neck; holding me tightly as she cries. "It's alright. You did the right thing. We gotta get outta here before more come."

I push Ava back to search her face; silent sobs escaping her as she stares at me hopelessly. "It's gonna be alright." I say again as she nods; panic and sorrow causing her to nearly hyperventilate. "Ava. Listen to me. You did what you had to do. She was suffering."

She nods again; her hair falling around her face as she takes a deep breath and tries to steady herself and regain control - bright blue eyes rimmed in tears searching my own helplessly.

"This is my fault. She should have never…"

My whole body jerks as an arrow suddenly protrudes through Ava's right eye - a soft gasp escaping her lips as she tries to get out her last words before slumping into my arms. "…came… with… us.”

"No…." My voice is not my own. It's desperate and hollow and everything is silent as I fall to my knees with her lifeless body in my arms. Ava is gone - just like that and I feel my insides begin to tremble as the realization suffocates me. I brush her hair from her face and try to make sense of what I’m seeing. 

One brilliant blue eye looking at nothing and a familiar sharp arrow dripping blood. 

"Get up!"

I can't move. I can't breathe. At first all I hear is a desperate wheezing sound and wonder if it’s coming from me or Ava. My hearing is disoriented like I’m surrounded by glass - muffled sounds of someone shouting to my left and I can only stare down at this girl that came into my life and changed everything - changed me and now she's so still in my arms; the light inside of her gone. She can't be gone. She can't be. She can’t…

"Get the fuck up!"

"Daryl!"

Rosita’s desperate plea brings me out of my silent prison - shattering the glass around me but I can't look away. The silence is replaced with loud unhinged screaming and I am trapped in my anguish - staring down at Ava's lifeless body in my arms.

The blunt end of my crossbow comes at me suddenly; hitting me in the face as the silence returns. Only when I swallow do I realize my throat is raw and I’ve been the one screaming - pleading with a dead girl to wake up. I reach for Ava as I look up into the fucked up face of the man who killed her - the prick from the burnt woods who is now pointing the cross bow at me.

"I said. Get the fuck up - now."

"Daryl; please. He's going to kill you." Rosita begs and I finally look away from Ava noticing several saviors with guns pointed surrounding us. Eugene is before them on his knees with tears in his eyes and Rosita is unharmed with a gun pointed at her chest. I stand up slowly never letting my eyes fall from Dwight's. The look on my face must be murderous because he lowers the crossbow slowly.

"Not that it matters much now but I wasn't even aiming for her. This thing kicks like a bitch."

Something inside of me breaks in this moment and I am filled with equal parts white hot rage that consumes me from my core and an overwhelming emptiness that threatens to bring me to my knees again. I clench my hands into fists at my sides trying to control the trembling in my limbs. If I strike out I will kill this man with my bare hands but that will cost Rosita and Eugene their lives. 

"I should have done it." I don’t even know if my words form sentences. I am beyond fucking broken. 

"What?"

I swallow again; tasting blood. 

"I should have killed you before."

Dwight smirks; glancing down at Ava then back to me. "Yeah. You probably should have."

X

"Daryl, please stop and talk to me." I continue to ignore Carol's plea's - shoveling dirt like it's my life's meaning until there's an Ava size hole in the ground six foot deep. "Daryl."

"What?!" I finally snap - glaring at her. Why the fuck won't she just let me do this in peace? Carol opens her mouth and closes it again; a deep frown forming on her face. "I'm sor…"

"Don't. Don't fucking say it." I growl; kneeling over Ava’s lifeless body once more. The emptiness has numbed everything inside of me - spreading over my soul as I lift her body up and hold her close to my chest suddenly unable to continue. How many people have I buried now? Too many to count but none of them felt quite like this. Like I’m laying my own soul into the ground. 

Carol kneels beside me and places her hand on my shoulder and my resolve breaks. I bury my face in Ava’s hair and allow the sob I’ve been guarding to escape; gripping her corpse so tightly I fear bones will break. I'll never feel her in my arms or hear her sweet laugh again. I'll never marry her or make a life with her. I couldn’t protect her. Couldn’t save her like all the others I failed.

"You have to keep your head, Daryl. Ava wouldn't want you getting killed over this."

Finally I pull myself together and lower Ava into the makeshift grave gently; finally looking up at Carol. The look on my face must be too much for her because she takes a step back and clutches her pearls.

"I'm going and when I find Dwight I'm gonna put whoever fucked his face up to shame."

Carol frowns - her new sense of remorse for killing instantly annoys me. The one time I am fueled by enough rage to murder everything in my path the groups second deadliest person is conflicted with a sudden conscious.

Fuck 'em. I don't need anyones help.

Giving Ava one last look I grab the shovel; Carol can only watch with tears in her eyes as I begin shoveling dirt into the ground like I have so many times before. I ignore the silent tears that run down my face; digging in deep to finish the job. Once Ava is buried with the rest of the fallen Alexandrian's I throw the shovel to the side and storm off without another word to Carol.

X

"You look like shit. Dwight is this your guy?"

I keep my eyes cast down as Negan wields the bloody barbed wire bat in my face. A few feet away Abe's head is a puddle on the ground. I see Dwight come in from the left holding my crossbow now aiming it at my lowered head.

"Yeah, this is him. You want me to kill him cuz I'll do it - just say the word."

My fist tighten at my sides but I know I can't act out or someone else will get the bat and my luck it won't be me.

"Nah. You don't kill that - not before you try a little." Negan assures with a laugh - swinging the bat around his back easily. "We'll, if no one has anything to say - we'll be right back and maybe Rick will be with me and if not we’ll just turn you people inside out."

I watch as Negan drags Rick to the RV like a dog on all fours; slinging him into the vehicle with ease. I can feel Glenn's eyes on me then past me to an ailing Maggie. "Don't." I manage to say in a low; rough voice. He looks at me again but I keep my eyes down. If any of us want to survive this we've got to keep our fucking mouths shut.

Time for revenge comes later.

X

Epilogue

We're on easy street,

And it feels so sweet.

'Cause the world is 'bout a treat -

When you're on easy street!

Hey.

I open my eyes at the sound of Ava's voice; meeting her bright blue hues in the darkness. She's knelt before me with a smile on her pretty face; reaching out to touch my cheek.

"Don't let these assholes break you Daryl."

"He took you from me…" My voice is hoarse from lack of use and the cold cell and I let my eyes fall from hers. "He took everything from me."

"This isn't the end for you Daryl. Promise me you'll keep going. The groups going to need you. Rick's going to need you."

I can't look up at her. I can't make that promise because I feel like quitting - really quitting this time. With Beth I knew eventually I'd get up and kill that walker in the woods but now there's no drive to do anything but rot in this cell.

I know she's not real just my fucked up mind playing tricks on me. My subconscious trying to block out the noise from this unbearable fucking song - but when she closes the space between us and climbs into my lap I can't help but wrap my arms around her.

"We were gonna get married…"

Ava rests her head in the bend of my neck; whispering softly. "We can still get married. One day. You'll be really old and worn down and I'll still be young and beautiful - I'll be weird but well make it work. I bet you’ll be just as sexy when you’re seventy." She laughs and fills my empty chest with sorrow.

Ive tried so hard to keep my emotions in check since Dwight locked me up; the last thing I need is someone finding me crying in the corner naked and vulnerable but my resolve breaks as a sob escapes me and I wrap my arms tighter around myself. 

"Daryl. You have to keep going. Promise me you won't let these assholes break you. Promise me you'll take care of Judith - help her grow up in a better world. Promise me."

”I cant.. I can’t do this anymore.” 

Ava lifts her head to look at me; she's smiling but her eyes are sad. She wasn't ready to go but there was no point delaying the inevitable any longer. Dwight would be along shortly to wake me up and take her from me again.

"This isn’t the end for you. I love you, Daryl. The past few months with you were the best months of my whole life."

"Please don't go…"

"Promise me you'll fight, okay? Don’t let them win.” 

I search her face for a long moment and finally nod; my throat tight with grief. "I promise." I manage my voice cracking with emotion as she hugs me tightly. 

Dwight bangs his fist on the cell door startling me awake - the weight of Ava in my arms dissipates as the door opens wide shining harsh light into my prison.

"Get the fuck up." Dwight yells; grabbing me by the neck of my shirt as I scramble to my feet and we head to a room a few feet away where Negan awaits.

X

"I'm gonna ask you one more time. Who are you?"

I picture Ava's sweet smile. I made a promise to her.

"I'm Daryl."

Fin.