Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Patton slowly drifted into consciousness. He was in a warm bed with comfortable sheets. It wasn’t his bed, but he quickly remember that him and (the sides) were staying at a cabin for the weekend. It had been Roman and Remus’ birthday Saturday. Their plans were to stay Friday through Sunday. Today was Sunday.

Patton shifts in the bed. In the process of rolling over he bumps into another person. His hands and arms smack into bare skin. He snaps awake. Jolting to a sitting position on the bed. As he does he realizes he has no shirt on and grabs the covers, pulling them up over his chest.

Before him is a man with dark brown hair that has green streaks in it is revealed to be laying. His bare chest is mostly exposed with the covers quickly revealing if he has underwear or pants on. Before Patton has realized what is happening the covers slip off and reveal the truth.

“AAHH! Remus! You have nothing on!” He shouts in shock.

“Same to you Pat.” Remus says sleepily. He opens his eyes and stares lovingly at Patton.

The stare troubles Patton and he stumbles out of bed, trying to get some distance between him and Remus. A headache hits him suddenly, but he manages to catch himself by sitting back down. The memories of last night start bubbling up.

Him and Remus getting drunk, him and Remus kissing, the confessions, them going back to the cabin together, then it hits him. What happened. Why Remus and him were together here.

Remus shifts pulling the covers back over himself. Patton uses this as a que to stand up. He’s in his underwear with his and Remus’s clothes strewn everywhere around the room. Two sets it looks like. The memory of that comes flashing back.

“Last night was fun. You want to do that again some time?” Remus says sleepily.

Slowly Patton’s shock turns into horror as the scene starts playing in his head now stronger, more real, more complete. The touching, the kissing, the feelings all over his body.

He physically recoils.

“oh god… Oh God. OH GOD! No, no, no, no, no…” He gets up. Already having scouted out a shirt and pants of his. He pulls them on as he runs out of the room.

“Wait Patton where you going?” Remus asks confused. Then it hits Remus that what happened may have been a mistake. Patton was asexual after all and while Remus sure had talked about sex a lot he was unsure Patton’s opinions on it.

“Wait! Patton! Let's talk! We should talk about what happened last night!”

Remus shouts as he runs down the hall pulling on some underwear. He manages to catch up to Patton in the living room as Patton hesitates by the door.

Patton stares at Remus for a minute before quickly turning and averting his gaze.

“We had sex.” He says hollowly and factually as he takes another step toward the door.

Patton desperately wants to leave, to get away from the images in his mind. The memory them touching, his skin against his. It keeps replaying again and again as if it was happening, right now, over and over. The memory makes him shudder. While the moment was euphoric, the whole scenario makes his skin crawl, especially the parts he still feels the phantom touch of what he and Remus did. As if he was completely covered in sticky slime. As if bugs crawling all over him, invading every crevice and cranny.

“I'm sorry Patton.” Remus' voice cuts through Patton's mental spiral.

“I shouldn't have been drunk, I shouldn't have done it when you were drunk, I shouldn't have let the others pressure me, us into this. I just - I, I, thought you might like… - No, no, I shouldn't have assumed. I - I got carried away. I'm sorry.”

Remus makes like he want to say more, but doesn't and shuts his mouth slowly. Patton is torn.

He also wants to stay. To reassure Remus he really likes him romantically. For sure. But sex is just not something he's ready to deal with. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

“Did you know?” Patton finds himself saying accusatorily,

“Has Janus or Virgil not told you?” Patton asks quiet and menacing. His voice is raw and he’s about to cry. Anger and fear swirl inside of him.

“Know?! Know what!?” Remus asks his voice shrill and panicked.

Patton turns to face Remus, his movement snappy in a way only ager brings out.

“Didn’t you know!? How could you do that if you knew!!? I’m sex repulsed you idiot!!!” Patton shouts, anger causing his face to go red.

“You’re sex repulsed?” Remus says the blood draining from his face.

Patton’s pent up anger boils over. He’s kept these thoughts and emotions down for too long. It was only a matter of time till something provoked him to explode like this.

“You just couldn’t keep it in your pants while we were both drunk! You sick bastard! I can’t stand your kind! You’re disgusting and you don’t make any freaking sense! You all say sex is bad! Abstinence is the only way till marriage yet you can’t seem to keep it in your pants to save your life!!! Even when it hurts those you love you keep doing it! How the fuck am I supposed to understand that?!!! Hun!!!?” Patton is panting from the amount of yelling he’s done, probably the most ever in his whole life.

Remus looks at Patton with hurt and bewilderment written on his face. It is a pain of betrayal that almost causes Patton into Remus’ arms and ask for a hug. To tell him he meant none of that. But the thought of physical touch, particularly romantic+ physical touch stopped him. He couldn’t deal with that right now. So he turned and dashed out the door.

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Virgil had noticed how uneasy Patton and Remus were around each other. It hadn't been a problem in the beginning. But now after the death of Janus and Patton’s aunt, the two needed all the help they could get.

She had been Patton and Janus' last loving, family member and with the mess of her passing, the estate, and her other siblings, things had been stressful. This made it especially difficult for Virgil to help out, try as he might.

Remus was the next best option. He was Janus' best friend and by extension, a good friend of Patton's. Or had been. Ever since Remus and Roman's birthday camping trip there had been some unspoken tension between Remus and Patton.

Everyone noticed. Particularly Virgil, who had been asked for sad edgy music recs by both of them. He recommended the same album in the hopes they would notice and have something to talk about.

Finally it got too much for him to handle. Watching the two of them meekly stare across the room at each other. Patton looking like a scared puppy and Remus looking like he just killed an innocent animal by accident.

"Ok, what the hell you two?" Virgil asked one night.

"What do you mean?" Patton asks innocently, looking over at Virgil. Remus looks at Virgil too. He gets up and sits next to Virgil casually, though Virgil feels like it's more of a subconscious intimidation tactic.

"What's up my chemically imbalanced friend?" He asks with gusto, patting Virgil on the back. Clearly compensating for the awkward question.

"Why do you and Patton do that thing?" Virgil asks,

"You know, stare at each other with fear and longing." He vaguely gestures at both of them.

“Come on. You two making excuses, and refusing to be in the same room at the same time is really straining our whole friend group." Virgil says. The two glance at each other. Finally realizing the other's actions.

'Peas in a pod' Virgil thinks. Honestly, If you removed Patton and Remus' aesthetics and either got Patton to swear more or Remus to swear less, the two were practically the same. Passionate, boisterous, kind. The only wrote big difference was Patton's aversion to sexual things and Remus attraction to sexual things. Virgil hadn't real in given that much though so he was surprised with what Remus blurted out next.

"Patton! I'm sorry we had sex! I won't ever do it with you again if you don’t want me to, especially when I'm drunk. I have no right to say this but please don't hate me forever. I never ever want to hurt you like that again. I accept that you will probably hate me forever and I'm ok with that. I'm sorry for what I did." He adds quietly at the end.

Remus had stood up awkwardly before saying all of this. Then he sat back down awkwardly where he'd been seated where, next to Virgil. There is a long pause that makes the skin on Virgil’s insides crawl. Finally Patton stands up and goes over to where Remus was standing.

"I accept your apology." he says awkwardly,

"I'm so sorry about what I said at the cabin. I shouldn't have directed that anger at you. I guess there's some things I haven't explicitly said or explained, that I should have before we did anything. Kissing and… and adult fun time…"

"Adult fun time…I like that." Remus mutters under his breath as his mouth slowly quirks up into a smile. Patton takes a nervous breath,

"I am asexual and I don't like talking about sex." he lets out a shaky breath

"I'm sorry Remus, but hearing about it, talking about it, thinking about it, gives me the shivers, and not in a good way. I'd say I'm repulsed by anything sexual 90% of the time." Patton takes a deep breath and goes and sits down.

"Patton." Remus says seriously after Patton sits down,
"You have every right to direct your anger at me. What we did that night was dubiously consensual. I wasn't fair to you." Remus says with shame and sadness.

Patton nods. Then after another awkward silence that makes the skin on Virgil's insides crawl Remus leaves. Relief floods Virgil, as much as that conversation was anxiety inducing Virgil was really happy that it happened. But boy was this going to be challenging. Sex repulsed Patton x sex positive Remus was not a combo that boded well.

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"Have you heard of boundaries and consent?" Virgil asks Patton a few days latter when the two are hanging out with Roman.

Patton nods, then shakes his head, as he rubs his hands nervously. He probably should know more about this, but had never bothered to look it up.

"kinda? Like I've heard it mentioned before, but I'm not exactly sure what it is." He says.

"Oh boy ok," Virgil says under his breath,

"Boundaries are a list of do's and don'ts between people. Like for me one of my boundaries is, Don't touch me when I'm having a panic attack without asking."

"Ah yes, Virgil is correct. On the other hand consent is asking and getting permission to do something. Like Virgil said, his boundary is to ask for consent to touch him when he's having a panic attack." Roman says.

"Also you can always say no. Consent is about both yes' and no's. Particularly no's." Virgil adds.

"Oh, and if you say yes to an action or activity you can always change your mind and say no latter. Even during the activity, you can always ask to stop." Roman says

"And people will just stop? No questions asked? No pressure to continue?" Patton says in disbelief.

"Realistically there are people who don't." Virgil says unhappily.

"True, but they should, and most people do. But if they don't just tell one of us and we'll make sure they are… creatively dealt with." Roman says in a threatening voice. He pulls out his phone and points to the katana sticker on the back of it.

Patton nods. He's attentively listening to what Roman and Virgil are saying as they take turns talking. He looks into space thinking about what they are saying. Then pulls out a fidget toy and absent mindedly messes with it, trying to calm his nerves.

“Don’t worry too much though. Keep your wits about you, if someone gives off vibes of not respecting your boundaries after you’ve stated them, just ditch ‘em.” Roman says reassuringly,

“Yeah. There’s no reason to keep people like that in your life. It’ll just add to your anxieties…” Virgil says, before adding,

“Personal experience.”

“I see. But something I noticed is this all just seems like just another form of communication.” Patton says.

“That’s exactly what it is.” Virgil says matter of factly.

“So is this why everyone always says, ‘Communication is key’?” Patton asks

“Precisely.” Roman says, with an air of importance. The flourish makes Patton smile.

“You’re right. That’s really what consent and boundaries are. A form of communication on what someone likes and dislikes.” Virgil says.

Patton goes back to thinking. With all this in mind he needs to go talk to Remus. As much as doing so makes his heart flutter and stomach hurt with anticipation. He needs to communicate with him. Remus deserves that much.

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I posted this at the end of chapter 3, but if you didn't see that then here you go.

Thank you everyone so much for reading this story! I would have liked to keep writing this, but have decided to end it here for mental health reasons. Thank you Lostinscribbles for writing the story that inspired me! I wish you and everyone else who writes good luck with continuing writing.

I also have other cool works if you like my writing, but you totally don't have to read them.