Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bakugo Katsuki struggled, he had struggled all his life. But even more so after his kidnaping, the guilt, the shame. The angry comments thrown his way from random citizens all the way to his own mother. Blaming him for being too weak—to useless to even defend himself from the hands of the league. Instead of holding her child, comforting him and loving him he was met with angry insults, a harsh slap to the back of his head and threats thrown left and right. In a way he was used to it, being forced to grow up quickly made it hard for him to cope with these big emotions. His childhood had been rough, most days he was left alone. And when his parents happened to be home it was even worse, he tried his best to not remember those moments.

Tonight was no different from the rest, he was struggling. His anger was too much, too heavy for him to handle much longer. The closer he got to his dorm the closer he felt himself to cracking. He had one way to help with these scary emotions, a habit he’d never openly admit aloud to. Hell, he never liked to acknowledge it even to himself. He was ashamed of the coping mechanism, but he didn’t try to push it away like he did years ago. It was called regression, age regression to be exact. He stumbled across it on the internet one night as he was hazardously looking for answers. After his first night he was panicked, was it normal for a seventeen year old to hold a stuffed animal close, to suck on his thumb, babble back at a cartoon when life got too hard? When the memories became to dark? Apparently he wasn’t alone in this. And, in a way it made him feel just the smallest bit better.

He kept it hidden, there was no way he’d be open about this with anyone. Not even his closest friends—no one could see this weak side of him. He was sure he’d be mocked, ridiculed and left behind. So even on his hardest days he’d wait until the last second before he cracked. He’d lock himself up, wrap himself in blankets, his rare stuffed animals he still had intact and he’d spend the entire night watching cartoons to quiet this smaller side of himself.

It was the only way he felt like he could truly breathe again. Like he could take on another hard and scary day.

It made the gloom go away.

Chapter Text

It had been a long day, a tiring day. Katsuki’s brain was foggy, heavy, cruel to himself. Deep down he was tired of acting like everything was fine. He was tired of hiding these uncomfortable feelings. And on his hardest days he struggled with the overwhelming urge to just hide under thick blankets and rock himself until he found some comfort in this scary world.

‘’Fuck off..” he cursed at his much larger friend: Eijiro Kirishima. They were close, one of his closest friends right behind Deku. Only he could handle the redhead a bit more than the freckled nerd.

‘’Come on bro, you never have movie nights with us anymore!” He whined, like the puppy he was tugging on the blonde’s arm. Katsuki had been avoiding such hang outs, they happened late at night, the time of day when he’d slip. When the stress got to him. And the movies would do little to help. If it was horror his smaller side would panic, if it were a cartoon he wasn’t sure he’d be able to contain his innocent excitement. Either option was too dangerous for the little. The last thing he needed was for anyone to find out about his coping skill. He was ashamed, he felt gross doing it. But some days it just happened, it was getting harder to avoid the feeling.

‘’Look I need to study..and I’m fucking tired. So fuck off!” He snapped, shoving his friend to the side with an extra loud huff to prove just how annoyed he was.

Eijiro just whined, but he dropped the conversation. He knew when to stop and when to push when it came to their friendship.

He could feel himself start to slip, his brain was too loud, too jumbled with so many different thoughts hitting him all at once. He hardly gave his friend another chance to speak before he slammed the door in his face. His bag fell, landing by his feet while he shuffled towards his bed. Kicking his shoes off with a weak whine, lodged in the back of his throat came another soft sound. He wished he had a stuffed animal, something warm and fluffy in his arms to keep himself grounded, distracted by his angry thoughts.

A part of him ached to be smaller, while the other side was judging, disgusted by this act. He felt lonely, dirty and small. In the end all he could do was hide his face under his sheets, gripping onto the soft fabric while tiny puffs of air left him. He laid like that for a while, he lost track of time—it was hard for him to remember much when he became like this. All he knew was after a while he sat up, tugging his uniform off moving to set up a small nest-like creation on his bed. His laptop sitting on top of his pillow, back pressed against the wall while his knees hugged close to his chest.

He stayed silent, watching the All-Might cartoon with a tiny smile. Unknowingly he swayed along with the theme song, wording the lyrics as best as he could. His lisp getting in the way every now and then. But he didn’t mind, his head was quiet—happy with the show.

‘’-O-out..w-watch out—Might, all might!” He shouts, lifting himself slightly holding onto his laptop with wide eyes getting too into the show. He quickly covered his mouth, resulting in him now whispering the warnings to the cartoon hero who was trying to fight off a group of villains all by himself.

In the end, like always he won. Holding up a thumb with a grin aimed at the camera. And Katsuki being the happy little he was did the same, a tiny laugh like noise leaving him. “I am here!” He chirped along with. His voice was higher when he became like this, he never spoke so softly—so gently. But when he was alone, and he felt safe he became his real self. His authentic self that wasn’t pushed down by anger, secondary emotions and guilt. He felt the way he did before his mother began drinking and his father left for work. Before he took out his anger on Izuku and pushed all of those who ever respected him away.

He spends the rest of his Tuesday night regressed, watching as many cartoons as he could. He didn’t study, didn’t even think about the busy day he had tomorrow. He just allowed himself to finally catch a breath.

Chapter Text

Sitting in class was difficult, all the chatter from his other classmates did little to help his pounding migraine. And the lengthy notes he tried so hard to write down made his mood sour. He still felt that uncomfortable itch in the back of his brain to huddle back under his covers and keep himself safe. He was so uncomfortable, so out of place right now it almost hurt. His hands shook, sweat gliding down the back of his neck as he so desperately tried to ground himself.

His anger only grew as the day progressed. Training was difficult, the damn green haired nerd kept asking useless questions. Pinky kept trying to tease him, poke at his sides. But it seemed to only make him even more upset causing small explosions to pop at his sides. He was sent to the changing room at that. Aizawa deemed him not fit for training today. And truthfully under all his anger and raging ego, he was glad to be sent back to the dorms. He was too heightened, emotions too strong to be around anyone. He was uncomfortable, scared and confused.

He was tugging on his boots when the door opened. Not bothering to even lift his head to see who entered he just waited for them to speak.

‘’You okay dude?” Eijiro, of course. He was always the first to come check on him, he knew the others were scared to be yelled at again. Only right now he didn’t want to speak, his brain was too muffled—too fuzzy. He just wanted his all might blanket to be wrapped safely around him once more.

‘’I’m fine..focus on the fucking class.’’ Just cursing made his insides twist, it didn’t feel nice. He didn’t feel nice. He felt like a fake, like he wasn’t truly as old as he was, like he wasn’t supposed to be in this class. Writing down these notes, these words his brain couldn’t even understand in the moment.

he quickly shoves on his uniform, being one of the first back in the classroom.

‘’Dude..you’re extra grumpy today.” The blonde across from him teased: Denki. He always put his nose where it didn’t belong, he knew he annoyed the cursing blonde with just a simple sigh yet he continued to poke at him. And while Katsuki tried so hard to absorb his anger, he just snapped. The last thing he needed was Denki’s input. His outburst and flying pencil case sent him to Aizawa’s office once the class ended.

Like every time he sat with his arms crossed over his chest, lip curled up in clear annoyance. He didn’t need to be here, it was Denki’s fault after all. Yet his insides were churning, he felt upset with himself, he didn’t want to be around anyone right now. He needed to ground himself, yet even when he did that he felt disgusted with himself. Even with all the answers he found on the internet, and people he read felt the same way, coped with the same things—it did little to stop that guilt from spreading every time he turned on a cartoon.

‘’Look..I get it, Denki likes to tease, but throwing things in my classroom is not allowed.” He hardly even acknowledged Aizawa’s words, he just huffed digging his fingers into his arms. He felt like a child being scolded, the first thought that flashed through his head was his mothers disappointment.

‘Why can’t you just listen to me?!’

‘You’re always so angry. This is why you have no friends.’

Every time he was sent to the office he knew he’d be met with a fist when he came home. His mother wasn’t well, he knew that. She had her own stressors, and for most of his childhood he assumed it was normal. That was until he went to Deku’s home. He was met with a warm smile, loving arms and encouragement. But Katsuki was met with an iron fist, red eyes and an opinion for every small move he mad.

‘’-suki-“ he could hear her, feel her ice cold slap. Her burning words.

‘’Kid—you with me?” He snapped awake when he felt Aizawa move closer, scooting back with a sneer—a way to protect himself, hide his true emotions. Though deep down he felt the tears build, the childlike voice in the back of his head begging to go back to his dorm. The relief he’d have once he hugged his blanket close, watched his cartoons. He needed it.

‘’I’m fine. Just tired. I’ll ignore Denki, happy?” He hissed, pushing himself to stand with an extra loud and obnoxious sigh to get his teacher off his back. Which seemed to do the trick as the male just sighed, running a hand over his tired and pale face.

‘’Fine..but act out like this again and I’ll have to cut you from training for a few days.”

‘’Yep.” He slings his bag over his shoulder, slamming the door behind him just to make himself feel a bit bigger than the adult in the other room.

He shoves past the extras down the hallway, keeping his eyes trained on his bedroom door. He just needed to lay down, cover himself under the blankets and melt away. He practically shoves his door open, dropping his things carelessly before he landed face first on his neatly made bed. Instantly soft noises escaped him, fingers trembling as they searched under his pillow for his blanket.

He just needed the comfort. The weight. It tricked his smaller mind into pretending it was a hug from all might himself.

And right now that’s what Katsuki needed the most.

Chapter Text

‘’This is the third time this week Bakugo..” Aizawa sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Yet again the explosive blonde was sent to his office, apparently it wasn’t okay to throw his lunch tray at the perverted grapes head. He felt no remorse, though his head was on edge. ‘’Come on kid, what’s going on?”

He didn’t like the way Aizawa looked at him, spoke to him.

‘’Why are you so upset..the loser deserved it.” He spat his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Lips nearing into a small pout, brain starting to become fuzzy from the stress of it all.

‘’You’ll be exempt from training today. And I’ll inform your parents about today.” His teacher spoke, standing up gathering his items, leaving no time for Katsuki to argue, though he did start his shouting.

‘’That’s bullshit! The grape deserved it!” He shouts, slamming his hand onto the desk standing up so fast his chair toppled back. And, like Aizawa knew he was going to just stared —bored almost. ‘’I need to train! You can’t take this shit from me over some useless shit like this!” He was shaking, emotions high—too high to control. His mind was spiraling, blaming him for this. If he could control his anger none of this would be happening.

Why couldn’t he be normal? Like everyone one else. Why did he have to explode like this. And then the fear of his mother finding out took over—she’d kill him for fucking up again. For missing training. He was supposed to be the best of the best.

‘’Look, kid, until you learn that it’s not okay to treat people like this then I have to do this.’’ His words fell deaf to the Youngers ears, he could hardly breathe. His thumb unconsciously went up to his lips, bitten down by his teeth picking at the skin. He was losing grip on reality, on himself.

‘’Kid?” He breaks out of his trance, thumb aching from the force of his bite. ‘’You okay?” Aizawa’s eyes held an emotion Katsuki was uncomfortable with.

Concern.

Pity

He didn’t need that.

He didn’t need pity. He wasn’t helpless.

‘’Don’t act like you give a shit. If any of you hero’s did then Mineta would’ve been expelled by now.” He hissed, gathering his bag hurling himself towards the exit. The last thing he needed was to stay around, he needed to hide. Isolate himself, cope with the heavy fear of his mothers wrath.

He was dead the next time he went home.

Two days. He had two days to prepare, to make sure he was strong enough before even that was beaten from him. He kept his head down, eyes low watching his dirtied sneakers as he walked. His hands were trembling making it hard to even open his door.

‘’Hey Kats, you good man?” He lifts his head, glancing towards the red headed giant. His expression was blank, though his brows were furrowed giving off his usual annoyed expression.

‘’I’m fine. Fuck off.” He hissed, unlocking his door about to close it when the idiot moved forward.

‘’Oh—before I forget the squad and I are gonna watch a horror movie tonight! You’ll come right?” He asked in a begging tone, one Katsuki always felt bad to ignore. He reminded his smaller self of a puppy, one of his favorited stuffies hidden behind his pillows.

‘’Maybe..” the last thing he wanted was to be around a large group of people, but he felt so lonely—and truthfully— though he would never openly admit it, he was scared top be alone right now. He didn’t want to be little, and he definitely didn’t want to be alone while he was in such a small mindset. He wasn’t sure just how far he would drop, would he be okay? He already felt so uncomfortable with the itching in his brain.

‘’Please Bakubro…it’s been so long.” He whined, pouting his lips out with another puppy-like whine.

“Fine. Jesus Christ. Now will you fuck off? I’ll meet you down there.” He hissed, slamming the door after that. He’d throw himself into his homework until then, he had to keep his brain busy—out of that foggy mindset.

And that’s just what he did, only he had no idea just how difficult it would be. He couldn’t focus, he instead doodled over the pages, chewing on his pencil tapping his foot. Staring everywhere but the paper while his mind wandered. And as soon as he started his homework it ended. Kirishima texting him stupid gifs and emojis telling him in a nice way to get his ass down to Mina’s room.

He drags himself down the hall, his legs felt heavy. Head angry and loud. And the last thing he needed was to sit in a crowded room watching a violent film. He sat with his back against the bed frame, keeping to himself while the others chatted amongst themselves, putting the snacks down for everyone to grab if needed.

‘’Ready!’’ Ashido cheered, starting the film letting the lights dim. The room became quiet, everyone was focused on the movie, the only sounds other than the television was soft chewing. Luckily because of the noise he felt grounded. Though overtime the horror began to kick in, he felt anxious—paying attention to the growing shadows in the room. Any sudden sounds or figures in his side view. He chews on his lower lip, making himself even smaller against the couch.

‘’Pass the soda Bakubro!” Denki whispered, leaning over to speak to Katsuki who was still curled up in a tight ball trying his best to not seem too upset—scared even. ‘’Hey..dude, the soda.” He pokes his side earning a flinch form the blonde. A short explosion sputtering in his left hand. The movie pauses at that, everyone seemed to look in his direction.

While it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Katsuki to be jumpy, it wasn’t often and he never acted this anxious. He looked like a scared puppy, pressing himself against the cushions like he did.

‘’What are you idiots looking at..I’m cold.” He snapped, surprised at how well he sounded like his usual self even when he felt so small.

‘’Guys, don’t push his buttons. I rather him not blow up my new snack bowl again.” Pinkie teased, turning the television back on with a wave of her hand. He knew she didn’t like him, she hadn’t ever since they met. While Katsuki wasn’t the nicest he was trying—but it was hard. His mental health was declining, and constantly having his peers poke and push at his triggers. They thought it was funny, it was funny to see him explode—to have him yell.

But to Katsuki it was a reminder, he was constantly on edge, constantly alert and uncomfortable. He could never be too safe. Not by himself, not with anyone. Not even Izuku.

‘’Can’t say shit to him..” Hanta mumbled from the other side of the room crossing his arms over his chest. He tensed at that, he knew they were growing tired of his antics. Would they leave him too?

His small brain couldn’t handle the thought. There was no way he was about to let himself break in a room full of these idiots. So he stands, quite wobbly if he was being honest flicking them off before he did his signature stomp away.

Bottom lip trembling he walks around aimlessly, no thought in mind—no plan. He was just overwhelmed and too far gone to ground himself.

‘’Bakugo, what are you doing up?” He flinched at the sudden voice, turning ever so slowly to glance at the stranger. There stood half and half, hair a mess on top of his head. Eyes slightly lidded—why was he awake this late?

For a moment the smaller just stood there, gripping onto his sleeve with an almost anxious expression. He tried his best to shove his feelings down, hide how he truly felt in that moment.

‘’Nothin’..” he mumbled ignoring the small lisp his mouth made near the end. He always found it hard to speak when his mind become fumbled like this.

‘’Right..well it’s against the curfew to be out this late. You might want to hurry back before Iida notices..” it seems that even with Katsuki’s younger mindset he was still annoyed by four-eyes.

His lack of cursing and over the top reactions to being told such a thing had Shoto staring even longer than he was comfortable with.

‘’Whatever.” He huffed, trying hard to form actual words but he was too far gone by that point. It was late, he was tired and scared. He just wanted to be alone, held by the safety of his blankets. He wasn’t sure if he’d make it back to the dorms after facing his mothers wrath.

In his small mind everything was black and white.

0-100.

He wasn’t able to think logically. He was certain his mother would kill him, punish him for messing up yet again. And because of that growing fear he hid under his blankets, curled up trying so desperately to disappear.

And for once he longed for someone else to be there beside him.

To keep him safe from exploding.

Chapter Text

It was early, too early even for Katsuki who sat in the living room, feet propped up against the coffee table watching his classmates scramble around. The mornings of home visits always went like this: people rushing around like idiots, packing last minute. Shoving quick and easy meals down their gullets before their rides arrived.

Normally the blonde was long by then, but today his mother sent a quick text stating should would arrive much later to pick up his sorry ass. Not that he cared, silently he prayed she got into a crash on the way there.

Was that wrong?

Sure.

But he hated the hag. So he felt no guilt for wishing such a thing.

‘’You ready to go home dude?” Eijiro questioned, plopping down beside him causing the couch to bounce. Much to Katsuki’s annoyance it seemed like the red head was going to stay for a while.

‘’Yep.” He tried his best to ignore him, his mind was buzzing with anxiety and he did not need to snap again. Not after last night, the usual group he hung with was awkward to be around. His foot shakes against the coffee table, hands digging into his thighs. He gave small nods, tiny huffs to show the redhead he was listening—well half listening. He couldn’t focus, not right now. Not when he knew what was coming to him the minute he walked into his mothers home.

‘’Dude, you’re going to rip a hole in your pants if you keep tugging like that.” Katsuki looks down at Eijiro’s voice, brows furrowed at the sight of his black jeans. The fabric wrapped tightly around his fingers, stretching out to a point they were beginning to lose their stitching. He quickly drops his hand with a huff, rolling his shoulders to try and ground himself.

‘’Oh damn, my moms are here. You gonna be okay until your mom gets here?” The redhead questioned, standing up gathering his heavy bags as he did so. He tried to ignore how his body seemed to freeze up at the mention of his mother. And he prayed that Eijiro didn’t pick up on it, though he shouldn’t worry—he was a bit clueless to the world around him.

‘’I’ll be fine shitty hair. Just go.” He replied, kicking his shoes off the table tugging them to rest under him on the couch. With a small smile and a weird look in his friends eyes he left. There were only a few students left but none Katsuki talked to. So for once he had some time to think, and prepare himself for his beast of a mother.

And finally, after what felt like hours but in reality was only fifteen minutes his mother arrived. Her eyes livid, shoulders tense. He stood as fast as he could, gathering his bag hurrying towards her without another word. He kept his head down, he knew not to look at her, never look.

He shuts the car door, holding his hands in his lap flinching when her door slammed shut. The air was tense, he felt even worse inside the car. One wrong turn and she’d kill the both of them. And it wouldn’t shock him if she tried it one day.

Trying to find a source of comfort he bites down on his thumb, unconsciously starting to suck—desperately trying to ground himself. His brain feeling mushy, small. He felt corned, backed in by an angry predator while he was weak, too small to think for a way out. His leg bounced, eyes focused on his ripped jeans. His stomach recoiled at the familiar bump of his driveway, he was home.

‘’Get out.” His mother spoke, too calmly for his liking. That could only mean one thing: she was livid. Annoyed with his behavior, his existence in general. She gave him no time to grab his belongings, clearly irritated by his slow movements she grabbed him by the back of his neck shoving him inside. The door slammed behind them, proving even more that he was trapped.

His mind was fuzzy, he felt like he was watching from the outside. Everything was slow, thumb still plucked between his lips while his heart hammered. In this moment of extreme fear he craved someone strong, a parental figure—anyone but his mother.

‘’Jesus Katsuki, how much longer will you continue to act like a brat?!” She questioned, slamming the keys onto the counter. His shoulders tightened at the sound let alone her words. He was used to it, and when he lost himself to the regression he could hardly understand what the insults meant. His small brain however was still jumpy to the noises.

He stood there, unsure of what to do or how to even act in that moment. All he knew was he was unsafe, he had no escape. He was cornered for the beast to attack. And that she did, even with his desperate attempt to escape she caught him. Her hands coming down in painful and sharp slaps, nails dragging along his already bruised arms tugging him up the steps—not caring that his head bumped on each step.

At least it had carpet. He tried to reason but even then, the fabric rubbed painfully along his skin. Leaving behind a red rash. He could only muster a weak gasp when his body met floor. Head cracking against the surface, white flashes of pain covered his vision.

‘’You stay in here until you’ve learned to drop the fucking act. It’s time to grow up. I’m tired of being embarrassed.” She hissed from above, giving him one final kick to his abdomen. The door slammed shut, the lock was painful yet a comfort to hear. At least he was alone.

He was alone. That’s all he ever wanted: total isolation. Because in these four corned walls he had safety, he was by himself. In a room where only he could be. He was free to hide under his bed, curl up in closet. Hug his hidden stuffed animals. He could break, cope and try so hard to escape this cruel world.

His mind felt too small, to weak and confused by his mothers actions. When he was like this he could only wonder one question.

’Where is my mommy’ He didn’t understand a thing, he couldn’t. His mind regressed so far back he struggled to form basic words at times. All he knew was he messed up, he must’ve. His mother was upset. She hated him.

And it was all little Katsuki’s fault.

Chapter Text

Hours passed, maybe days but Katsuki wasn’t entirely sure. In his weakened mindset everything seemed to blur together, nothing quite made sense.

And he was sure it wasn’t already Monday, his mother would never let him skip a day. His grades, attendance and overall presence in academics meant more to her than his life itself. So for those two agonizing days he sat curled up in the corner of his rooms. His arms wrapped around his legs, chin resting on his boney knees. He was so cold, his anger was growing. Yet in this mindset it was weak, like a low rumble in his chest. Anger mixed with confusion—emotions he didn’t understand.

Why did his mother do this? Where was his father? Did they really hate him? Did everyone hate him? He couldn’t understand it. Why did Auntie Inko love Izuku, adore her son—yet his own mother couldn’t feel the same? He hadn’t heard those three words in years.

Little Katsuki wasn’t sure if he had ever heard them. He must’ve. Right? His mother loved him at one point, a time where he wasn’t a bad boy as she put it. As everyone put it. A monster, a cruel, cruel child.

‘’Alright, get up you prick. Get your shit, clean up and walk back to school.” Came his mother’s voice, already loud even before she opened his dingy door. His body tensed at the sight of her dark figure hunched in the doorway. He did as told. Tugging on clean clothes, hiding his bruised skin. Sticking his tongue out slightly while he concentrated on gathering his items, bouncing on his heels.

To keep himself grounded he hummed a soft tune, All Might’s theme song to be exact. It was the one song that always seemed to be running through the little’s mind. The only thing that calmed him when he was under the wrath of his mother. Once he finished he headed down the steps, keeping his feet as silent as he could. He knew better than to disturb his working father.

He made it a game to walk to school, look both ways to cross the roads make sure he wasn’t being followed, skip over rocks and bugs and step on each and every crack in the sidewalk. Even with bruises and aching bones Katsuki found himself giggling under his breath on his trip. On the worst days his mind became even smaller, even more lost in the void of his abuse and trauma. His brain tried its best to keep him safe, keep him coping and grounded enough to function on his own. Even if it meant he reverted back to his smallest age. Anything to keep those memories from attacking him all at once.

‘’Kacchan..?” His body froze up, insides churning at a pace that had him nearly gagging aloud. In his happy moments he forgot about his neighbor, nosey neighbor at that. His lip jutted out, hands moving down to grasp at his backpacks handle. He was stuck, in that moment his brain saw Izuku and felt a sense of familiarity. A sense of comfort. Even after all the pain he put the greenette through, his freckled foe cared for him, stayed beside him. And in his small eyes he wanted nothing more than to run to his childhood friend, play hero’s with him. Indulge in his safety for a bit longer. Anything was better than his home.

‘’Deku.” His voice was soft, small and nearly silent. He even had a tiny lisp when he was regressed. Something he paid no attention to, his stuffed animals never judged him for it. He stayed planted to the sidewalk until the other was standing in front of him looking him over with furrowed brows.

‘’It’s so late..normally you’re at school by now. And where’s your jacket?” He rambled on for a few more minutes, calling out every small detail about the blonde. Katsuki’s lip curls, a huff of air leaving his aching lungs. It was cold, rigid and his insides felt like they were turning into ice. But having someone safe so close eased the aching, the tension. His laughs came out puffy, soft and sweet. Izuku must have heard, his eyes widened as large as those green gobstoppers Katsuki used to enjoy so much.

‘’Are..you okay..?” Izuku reached forward, hesitantly resting his warm palm onto the blondes forehead. He must be sick—that’s all that crossed his mind. There was no way Katsuki, Kacchan, his Kacchan was laughing—let alone at Izuku. And why was he so..fuzzy? He looked softer if possible, his aura shifted. His usual red eyes that held so much anger in them seemed light, almost like ripe cherries. They held no anger, it was an emotion he wasn’t sure of. He hadn’t seen the blonde like this in years—maybe at all. He couldn’t recall a time where Katsuki wasn’t angry, pushing him and everyone away.

And when the blonde didn’t immediately pull back or blast Izuku off at the touch he knew something was seriously wrong. This was not the Katsuki he knew.

‘’You’re not burning up..you can’t be sick—well you might be..maybe you’re tired.’’ He was cut off by another soft laugh, and then the blonde pushed into his hand eyes falling shut.

‘’’s..warm ‘eku..’’ his lisp came out stronger, hands digging into his straps feet shuffling him in closer to the greentte.

And for Izuku his chest squeezed, heart ached. What was going on? Was it a quirk? If that was the case he wasn’t sure if Katsuki wanted anyone else to know, let alone see him like this.

He seemed..well, he was acting like a child.

‘’Let’s get you someplace warm..maybe the quirk will wear off on its own soon. I’ll let Aizawa know we’ll be missing cla—‘’ he was cut off by a gasp, feet stumbled backwards. In that moment Katsuki seemed even smaller, his form was hunched, brows furrowed so tight it looked painful.

‘’No..! C-can’t miss classes!” He shouts, chest heaving, pink fingers picking and tugging at his shirt fabric. Why was he so upset? Izuku didn’t know why. But for Katsuki he knew if he missed classes his mother would be called, and he’d get punished. Two mistakes in a few days? He’d be locked in the basement for sure. Or killed.

His brain couldn’t think logically, all he knew was skipping classes were bad. And bad meant his mother would break him until his skin bled and his bones were nearly broken. But Izuku didn’t know that—what if he got roped into his punishments? Would Auntie Inko blame Katsuki? Would she ban them from hanging out? Would she hate him too?

‘’We shouldn’t go to classes if the quirk is this strong..what if it affects training—‘’ he was cut off again.

‘’No..!” His foot hits the ground, breathing erratic. He had to get away, he couldn’t put him into danger. Izuku took a small step forward, reaching a hand out.

‘’Okay..okay Kacchan we don’t have to skip. But let’s walk together okay..? Take a deep breath.” He soothed, his confusion and worry growing even more when the blonde let him take his hand.

‘’Go to classes with D-Deku..” Katsuki repeats, rubbing at his teary eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. The greenette nods, giving his hand a firm yet gentle squeeze.

‘’Yeah..to classes we go.” He whispered in return, keeping his pace slow so the smaller could keep up with him. All the while his mind was racing with thoughts of what was going on.

And would Katsuki be alright? Or would he hate the other even more after he witnessed such a vulnerable side?

All he could do was hope and pray that everything would be okay.

Chapter Text

It took almost an hour for the two to get to UA. Mainly because Katsuki could not stop getting distracted by passing bugs, fallen leaves and droplets of rain falling every few minutes. Izuku was sure it was about to downpour and he did his best to hurry his old friend. He wasn’t sure what was happening, he had never witnessed anything like this before.

‘’Kacchan..no-‘’ once again he had to pause to tug the blondes fingers from his mouth. It pulls a whine from the other, feet shuffling backwards trying to place his thumb between his lips once more. A way he self toothed. Only Izuku didn’t know that—no one knew that. Katsuki kept these things hidden. He could feel his head pounding, trying to shake himself out of this fuzzy mindset. Something wasn’t right, never had he tried to fight against this.

He suddenly became aware of Izuku, who he was—how close he was and what he was witnessing. He couldn’t understand why, but this part of his brain—his own voice yelled that it wasn’t allowed—that he wasn’t normal. It was as if there were alarms going off in his brain screaming at him that this wasn’t safe.

But it was hard for his small brain to comprehend the intensity of it all. Once they made it to the main entrance Izuku pulled him aside helping him to sit down on a bench.

‘’Stay here okay? I’m going to check that it’s safe to walk okay?” His voice was so gentle, so comforting. A tone Katsuki wasn’t used to, so he just nodded along. The greenette left soon after leaving little Katsuki alone on the white bench.

Maybe it was the familiarity of the area or the comforting smell coming from the building that made him slowly slip out of the fuzzy mindset. It took him a few minutes to became aware of his surroundings, his emotions—the aching in his bones.

And then he was hit with an overwhelming feeling. Dread seeped through his veins. He was found out—someone saw him.

Deku saw him. Saw him at one of his weakest moments, he would be ruined. What if he ratted him out like all those other times? He was probably running to Aizawa right now to go announce it.

His chest pounded, fingers squeezing at his cotton hoodie so hard his knuckles turned white. He had to leave, his anxiety getting the best of him in the end.

He stood, fixing his hair grabbing his bag from the ground slinging it over his shoulder before he booked it. He kept his head down, brows furrowed while his usual scowl covered his face. From afar he could hear the nerd calling after him. The second he heard his footsteps picking speed that’s when he ran himself. He hated how weak he had become—but Deku wasn’t safe. He was bad news.

He had a bad habit of getting Katsuki into trouble whether he knew it or not. Any new bruise of freak out the greenette would bring to his mother. Standing like he was All might, acting as if he just helped an injured civilian. Only because of him, Katsuki earned more bruises, more punishments. Insults and belittlement from his parents.

And now Aizawa would do the same.

‘’Hey Bakubro!’’ Eijiro shouts from afar, waving his hand like the idiot he was. He kept his head down, it wouldn’t help him if they spoke right now. He couldn’t form words, he knew he’d break the second he’d even try. ‘’You good buddy?” His arm was grabbed—his bad arm at that. He sucked back a pained groan, whipping his head back to stare at his large friend with wide eyes. A look he never wore when he was aware like this.

‘’Let go.’’ His voice came out strained, but filled with venom. His anger apparent, it wasn’t hard to tell when the blonde was upset. His face said it alone.

‘’Jesus dude..you look like you’ve seen the league.” Kaminari joked, bumping his shoulder against Eijiro’s to try and lighten the mood and his growing worry.

He almost wished the league would appear, that would get his friends off his back. Stall Aizawa from coming after him to speak about his deformity. But with the increased security it was not likely they would break in anytime soon so he shoved that hope down.

‘’Fuck off lightening rod.” He hissed, once again trying to rip out of his friends soft but firm grip.

‘’Okay..clearly he wants to be left alone. Let’s go.” He whispered, tugging on Eijiro’s forearm to help remove them. Once he did Katsuki was quick to run his fingers over the throbbing bruises, he forgot to put salve over them before he left. He doubted that he would be able to when he had a foggy brain like before.

‘’Alright, but if you need anything you know where to find me. Getting help is super manly..okay?” Eijiro was always so kind, even after so many years of Katsuki’s shouting and empty threats he never stopped caring for him. The fear of losing him was almost overwhelming. His tongue clicks, feet stomping across the pavement until he made it to his small secluded area: the stairwell. Near the main exit in the far corner felt the safest. It was the furthest from the window, and if you walked into the doorway you wouldn’t be able to see him huddled with his bag. He felt closed off from the world, alone and overall: safe.

He only stayed until classes began. He wouldn’t skip, he knew what would come from that. So he kept his head high, ignoring Deku’s stupid stare the minute he made it to his seat. Arms crossed and jaw tight he focused on their studies, though Present Mic’s voice was distant, a bit muffled. He’d have to steal someone’s notes after class just to look over what he was even speaking about.

The bell rang, he only knew because everyone hurried to the door—eager to make it to their next class of the day. One step closer to lunch. He took his time, slinging his bag over his shoulder with a groan. The fatigue was catching up to him, though he wouldn’t let it affect his training. He never had. He couldn’t afford it.

‘’Kacchan..are you okay now?” He went rigid, craning his neck until he heard a satisfying crack. He turned slowly, curling his lip with an irritated sigh.

‘’I’m fine fuck face. Just a shitty quirk accident.” The freckled boy just nodded his head dumbly, eyes a bit wide. He could tell he had more to ask but over the years of being screamed at he learned not to press with Katsuki—especially if he was worried about his well-being. The blonde never liked that.

‘’Okay..um—maybe you should get it double checked with Recovery girl-‘’ he was cut off by Katsuki’s hand clenching the collar of his shirt, ripping him closer until they were almost touching noses.

‘’I said I’m fine did I not? So fuck off. I don’t need your help, or any other extras. When will you learn that I don’t need yo-‘’

“Bakugo.” Fuck. He knew that voice, it was the same one that banned him from training a week ago: Aizawa. ‘’I don’t think I need to tell you to leave him alone, do I? Let go of him and make your way down to my classroom, or you’ll be late.” Katsuki had begun to loathe his voice, the raspiness of it—the dull tone and stern undertones made him uneasy. He couldn’t tell if he was safe or not with him— and he was sure he was tired of him, just like everyone else.

Just like his mother warned: ‘everyone will see you for who you are. And one by one they’ll leave you. Because you’re nothing but a monster Katsuki.’

Chapter Text

It was loud, too loud. And Katsuki wished he just stayed in his room for the night. But it wasn’t safe to be alone. With a crowd he could easily hide, blend in and refrain from being pulled aside by Aizawa or even worse: Deku. Two days had passed since then and he had yet to be talked to—which made his anxiety even worse.

Were they waiting to corner him? Poke fun at him, call him weak? Was Aizawa disgusted? Did Shitty hair know too? He always struggled with paranoia but now it was stronger, he was so sure everyone knew. They were all just waiting to attack. He hadn’t slipped since then, he was too aware of his surroundings. Not with his thin walls and nosey classmates.

‘’Hey man, how the fuck do you do number five?” Kaminari questioned, sliding the paper towards Katsuki with a pleading expression. He took a deep breath, looking down at the paper with furrowed brows. At least he could distract himself by tutoring these idiots he called classmates.

‘’You completely forgot to divide it by five dunce face.’’ Came his grumbled out response, moving his pencil down to scratch out his messy work adding in the corrections and explanations as he always did.

‘’Oh..thank you!” He shoved him away the second he saw the blonde rushing forward with open arms. No way was he about to be touched by him. Luckily he didn’t seem to offended, it wasn’t too out of the ordinary for Katsuki. He was known as the grouchy blonde, who hated physical touch and affection. He hardly ever called his classmates their names or even referred to them as friends. Not even Eijiro was called such a name aloud.

He continued to write down his own answers after that, allowing himself to relax as best as he could. Drowning out the loud chatter until it was nothing but muffled words ringing through his head. He found comfort in the echoed voices. In a way it kept him from his own thoughts, his own doubts and fears that wanted so badly to swarm and attack him until he was nothing but bones.

‘’Kacchan..” he froze up at that annoying, rancid voice coming from behind him. His shoulders tensed, hand gripping his pencil so hard the wood splintered under his fingers. Rolling his head he ignored the greenette, focusing on his work below him. But, like usual the freckled foe never did respect his boundaries and soon enough he was standing beside him, biting down on his lower lip with furrowed brows.

‘’Are you okay now?” He spoke softly, at least he seemed to understand the others couldn’t hear about the issue. Yet he hated how he brought it up at all.

‘’Yes. Now fuck off.” He hissed, glancing around the room. Everyone was busy, chattering amongst themselves. Even Eijiro was focused on his homework, his tongue poking out like anytime he was focused.

Cute.

‘’Kacchan—‘’ his voice broke him from his thoughts once more. This time however a growl slipped from Katsuki, neck whipping so fast it hurt.

‘’What the fuck do you want?” He hissed, crinkling his paper in annoyance. Couldn’t he be left alone? Why could no one see that he wanted to be alone?

‘’I-It’s just..you looked pretty shaken up..’’ he knew he wouldn’t let this go, and soon enough Aizawa would be following his ass too. Asking too many questions, sticking his nose where it wasn’t needed. And then news would make its way to his mother and that’s when all hell would break loose for little Katsuki.

That would be the end. He just knew it.

‘’I told you, it was a shitty quirk. Now hop off my dick for fucks sake!” His voice raised just slight, earning the eyes of half and half and shitty hair. He didn’t like the way it made his chest sting. He didn’t want them to look at him, not like this—not right now.

‘’Whoa Kats is super angry!” Hanta teased, rutting his shoulder against Kaminari’s with his usual side smirk. He could only give a weak glare in response, curling in on himself as best as he could. He hated this, the constant walls being built were so painful. He just wanted to drop them all at once, show his weakness—his pain.

He just wanted to be held, cared for.

Loved.

But that was impossible.

‘’Come on man..let’s go to your room.” Eijiro spoke slowly, gathering his things before he made his way towards Katsuki helping him stand. It made the blondes insides churn and his brain feel fuzzy. Quickly, he glanced towards Izuku who stood against the wall, staring at him with those green eyes full of worry.

God, he hated when he looked at him like that.

The walk to his dorm was a silent one, there wasn’t much to say. And maybe Eijiro knew that the smaller would rather shove a shoe in his mouth than ever open up about his struggles. Though, he paused right before they unlocked his door. Jaw clenched, mouth opening the closing like a dying fish.

‘’Look..I know—something is troubling you— and I won’t ask what, but we’re all a little worried bro.”

‘’I’m fine.” Katsuki replied, too quickly for his own liking.

‘’But you’re not. And that’s okay..whenever you’re ready you have a whole group of people who’ll be there for you.” For once Eijiro looked concerned, maybe even a bit annoyed. Something that made Katsuki’s insides twist and tug painfully. He felt gross, guilty and worse like a nuisance. Now he was worrying his friends—making them angry with his high walls. His eyes burned, throat constricting.

So badly he wanted to reach out for help, beg for mercy. That part of his brain ached, shoving itself forward the moment it felt him spiraling with such thoughts.

‘’I..I know.” His voice came out too soft, too weak. He cleared his throat to try and cover it but he knew Eijiro was aware of it, aware of the slip up.

‘’Then say something man.” He urged, running a hand through his now wilting spikes.

‘’Look, I’m fine. Just drop it.” Katsuki hissed, his voice quavering. Any moment he’d lose it, the tears were building up. His nose was burning, indicating it would run soon. And that itching part in the back of his brain was just begging to be let out. He needed an escape, a way to ease the torturous pain.

‘’You’re not! Listen..Kats..” Eijiro shouted, just slightly—not by much but of course to his small mind it made his entire being freeze up, body lock in place like he was frozen by half and half’s shitty quirk. And the nickname he only heard every so often made him feel even smaller in that moment. ‘’I’m worried..you’re snappy..yeah— but it’s never been like this. You’re pulling away, avoiding us..avoiding me.” His voice softened in the end, pained by his own words.

But what could Katsuki even say? There was so much yet nothing at all, fear consumed him.

‘’I..fuck.” He runs a trembling hand down his face, heart racing at the many sensations coursing through his body. A quick glance was made towards his safe haven then back at Eijiro, he needed to get inside. Cover himself with his worn out All Might blanket and disappear into his own safe colorful world.

‘’Just..try. Please Kats..don’t push me away. I care about you man, we all do.” A weakened gasp escaped the blondes throat, tumbling out from his red-bitten lips. And then came a tear—a lone one. Enough to make him nearly vomit from the reveal. He felt naked, too seen.

‘’Kats..’’ Eijiro gasped, taking a small step forward. Only once has he witnessed Katsuki tear up, but never has he seen him cry. Not even the kidnapping. His fear heightened, what was causing his friend to feel so alone? What could he even do when he was being pushed and shoved away.

Nothing was said from Katsuki, instead he rushed forward with another weak cry, slamming the door behind him creating a real wall between the two of them.

From there it went black, the crippling need to hide became too much. And that smaller side of his brain took over. Where he was safe to cry, to hold his ripped stuffier all at once pretending they were his friends. That they were real, protecting him, loving him.

It was all too much for the little one to take.

Chapter Text

Everything hurt, his throat—his eyes. His burning nose and aching hands. There he sat, still bunched up in the corner with a wobbling lower lip and a hollow chest. He wasn’t sure what to do or where to go, he was scared to even move. But it was growing darker in his room, something his smaller mind couldn’t handle—something he dreaded even when he was big.

‘’N-need..a’l might.” He slurred to himself, crawling slowly to the edge of his bed. Reaching up until he was tugging his worn out blanket down. He wrapped it around his trembling frame, shuffling towards the door with his thumb propped between his red lips. He’d sneak to the kitchen, grab a snack. Then he’d spend the rest of the night curled up watching cartoons until his brain felt safe enough to revert back to reality.

Now, small Katsuki wasn’t too smart with directions. Which is why he stood lost in the middle of the dark hallway, clutching his blanket with watery eyes. How would he find his way to the kitchen? What if a monster appeared, or a villain? He only knew of one person that’s helped him before.

Someone with curly green hair.

‘’Zuzu..where..Izu?” he pondered aloud, tip toeing across the carpeted floors, hoping over and cracks or creaks in the fabric until he missed his landing slamming into the nearest door with a tiny squeak of surprise.

‘’Ouch..” he rubs his bruising cheek, sniffling back the oncoming set of new tears. Luckily for him, the person he was searching for opened the door across the hall almost as soon as the sound was made.

‘’Kacchan..?” The little’s head snapped in the direction so fast the greenette was worried it’d snap.

‘’Found you!” He shouts, rushing over to him—as fast as he could with his blanket dragging behind him. Izuku was confused—here he was again acting like this. Was it another quirk? It couldn’t be, a week had already passed by. Mentally he made a note to mention this to Aizawa sensei. Something had to be wrong, there was no way the blonde would be like this with him. Happy to see him? Never. Kacchan hated him, despised his entire existence.

‘’I-I was looking..for Zuzu..then I gots lost oh and den-“ he was talking too fast, and a little too loud. So gently, because he was nervous to upset the other he hushed Kacchan.

‘’Shh..inside voices, it’s late isn’t it? Why don’t we go back to your dorm? We can talk there?” He asked, doing his best to keep his voice calm and soft.

‘’Oh..we watch cartoons? All mig’?” Katsuki moves forward, hooking his arms around the others until he was tugging him down the hall—knowing Izuku would steer him in the right direction.

Once they made it safely and quietly to his dorm Izuku helped him to sit. He turned on the closest lamp, sitting at the very edge of the bed—afraid to get too close. He didn’t want to upset Kacchan, or make him uncomfortable. Whatever was going on wasn’t normal—at least not to Izuku. He didn’t know how to help or how to react. All he knew was Katsuki needed stability in this moment, he couldn’t freak out or show he was confused and anxious. He needed to be there for the blonde.

‘’Zuzu! Look!” Katsuki leans forward slamming his laptop down to showcase Izuku the screen. On it played the All Might cartoons they used to watch when they were younger. And the theme song alone made Izuku’s chest tighten.

He didn’t think Kacchan still enjoyed those things, especially not after all the harsh treatment he received from the blonde. Somehow he felt like he was with the same Kacchan, while also being with someone completely different. Someone who wasn’t closed off, reserved or so angry at the world. This Katsuki was soft, excited just to see the different shapes of a cloud. Just what was going on?

‘’All Might! You enjoy All Might don’t you Kacchan?” Izuku replied, giving the other a tiny smile. The blonde bobbed his head happily at that, pointing at the screen with a small bounce in place.

‘’H-hero..! ‘M favorite hero! I wan be just like him.’’ He explained, his voice a bit soft and full of lisps and tiny mumbles. Something Izuku—embarrassingly so— thought was adorable.

‘’You’re going to be an amazing hero someday Kacchan..I just know it.’’ He never imagined he’d see Kacchan blush like so, but once he heard his compliment his ears turned a dark red.

‘’Mm..mommy said I’m too bad. Bad boys..can’t be hero’s.” The smaller replied, wringing his hands together. Izuku furrowed his brows—Auntie Misuki? Before he could even ask for more details Kacchan was distracted, gasping at the sight of All Might himself in the credits, thanking the viewer and giving his usual lesson of the episode. So he stayed quiet, maybe now wasn’t a good time to ask for such heavy topics. This side of the blonde seemed smaller, more sensitive to such things.

For a while the pair sat side by side, watching countless of episodes. Only breaking the silence to laugh at one of the hero’s many jokes or to fan boy over a new pose or use of power. Katsuki seemed to scoot closer the longer the night went on, going as far as to rest against the greenette with his thumb sliding up to rest in between his lips once more. This caused the older to blush, heart doing a thump at such a rarity coming from Kacchan.

‘’Oh..no Kacchan—your hand might be dirty.” Izuku tells him once he caught slight of the other’s actions.

‘’B-but..-Ike it.” Katsuki whined, bringing his thumb up once more until he was gently stopped again by Izuku who only cooed softly in reply. He couldn’t help it, this part in Izuku just knew he needed to comfort him, take care of him. The blonde needed this right now, he needed safety and warmth from someone other than a cartoon hero.

‘’Let’s wash your hands..then you can do that okay? I don’t want you to get sick.” At that the blonde quickly nodded his head, jumping off his bed to wobble towards the bathroom. Even his mannerisms reminded Izuku of a child. Was that what was going on? Had Kacchan reverted back somehow? Was this intentional or a quirk? He had so many questions and no answers.

‘’Zuzu..! C-can’t reach!” Came a soft shout from the bathroom. He stood at that, hurrying towards the other. His heart ached at the sight. Kacchan stood at the sink reaching forward towards the soap bottle with a whine. It was on the higher part of his cabinet, too tall for him to reach in his state of mind Izuku guessed. So he moved forward, helping him to wash his hands. It felt so..special. Here he stood, holding his soft hands, lathering soap into his skin humming along a song until it was time to rinse off the suds. All the while Kacchan was laughing, looking up at him with a gaze he hadn’t seen since they were infants.

‘’All done!” He helps him to dry off his hands, guiding him back onto the bed wrapping his blanket around him once more. He then moves the laptop closer so they could rest against the headboard. It was nearing three o’clock and he was sure the smaller would start to drift soon. A part of him didn’t want the night to end, he wasn’t sure when he’d see him like this again.

It was selfish to even think that way. He cared for Kacchan no matter what. Grumpy Kacchan and soft. Either way the blonde meant the world to him. He just wished things could be as comfortable as this when he wasn’t like this. He missed being by his side, hearing him laugh—resting against him. He missed their bond.

‘’Mm..‘eepy.” Katsuki broke the silence, bringing Izuku back from his thoughts. His scared hand comes down to gently sort through Katsuki’s soft spikes.

‘’Why don’t you get some sleep?” He suggests.

‘’B-but..you’ll leave.” The smaller whispered, chewing down on his finger—an anxious habit of his. Izuku, seeing him bite down on his thumb gently moved it away, locking their hands instead.

‘’I’ll be right beside you the entire night. And if you’re worried I left you can squeeze my hand and I’ll squeeze back so you know I’m there.” And that was how the night went.

While they finished another episode Katsuki drifted. And for the first hour he’d twitch, squeezing the others hand until he felt one in return. And when the morning came Izuku still sat beside him. One arm around his waist while the other rested in his lap, his hand still tight around Katsuki’s.

Neither had a nightmare that night. It was as if being by each other’s side chased away all the monsters and memories that enjoyed to plague their minds.

Chapter Text

When morning came neither of the two seemed to move, let alone open their eyes. They both had a late night, falling asleep well into the early morning. Katsuki tucked himself in closer, one arm pressed against Izuku’s chest while the other was held up against his own. Thumb pressed in between his plump lips, a bit wet from drool.

The sunlight shimmered through the curtains, flickering over their joined bodies. And soon, the light woke the smaller up with a soft fright. It was rare that he’d find himself still in his smaller mindset the next morning. But, when his brain was clogged with trauma he found it hard to function for a few days afterwards. And because he felt so safe with Izuku, he found it easier to stay small. He knew he’d be safe, in this mindset he wasn’t aware of how scared his bigger self would be once he took control again.

For now, the small one rolled onto his side stretching his arms out wide with a tiny squeak of displeasure when his bones cracked. From here he could see even more of Izuku’s dark freckles. They reminded the little of stars littering the night sky. He couldn’t help but to reach out and trace each small dot to the next. He was so focused he didn’t notice the greenette’s eyes blinking open.

To say Izuku was shocked would be an understatement. But the last few hours have all been very odd to him. He did his best as to not move too suddenly, if Kacchan was still feeling..off it might spook him away. So he stayed still, watching his red ruby eyes widen with every stroke of his curious finger. He watched the way his brows lifted, soft cheeks fill with air while his lips formed a small pout. He finished tracing all his freckles, and it seemed like he wasn’t all too happy about it. But, by now it was close to breakfast time so Izuku knew he should give up the act.

And, he did just that. Making a tiny humming sound, re-opening his eyes so the smaller could see it. Katsuki looks up in surprise, propping himself on his elbows so he could stare down at Izuku with a gummy smile.

“Zu! You up!” He chirped, poking the other’s chest until Izuku made another soft noise, a laugh falling from his lips soon after. Things were weird, but in another sense they felt just right. It was rare that he ever saw this almost calming look in Kacchan’s eyes. He was always on edge, rigid and frozen cold. Whatever was plaguing his mind couldn’t get to him here, at least not yet. And he’d like to keep it that way.

‘’Good morning. Now, why don’t we get up and get something to eat?” He suggests, sitting up with another yawn and a crack of his neck.

‘’Pancakes! Zu please..wan’ ‘ancakes!” It seemed like whenever the blonde was too excited he’d lisp over a few words, stumble over his letters. It made Izuku’s chest all fuzzy to know his Kacchan felt such emotions around him. It was rare to see him even laugh these days, let alone smile. He was sure it had been years since his last one.

‘’Alright, alright let’s get up and dressed into some new clothes okay?” He helps the smaller to stand, keeping a firm but gentle grip on his hand while they walked to the closet. Katsuki ripped a hoodie from the hanger, sliding it over his head along with his comfiest sweats. Izuku concluded he enjoyed being in soft, comfortable fabrics when he was in this mindset—or under some sort of trance. Katsuki rocked in his place, focused entirely on trying to tie his hoodie strings into a knot. But it was difficult for the small one, with a whine he dropped the fabric, his foot stomping onto the ground below.

‘’Here—let me help.’’ He knelt down, taking the soft string of the hoodie to tie it in a small bow, so the little wouldn’t tug on it all day long. Which— even the usual Kacchan had a habit of doing so. Next he grabbed his softest socks, helping them onto his smaller feet. Katsuki seemed to enjoy that, wiggling his toes with the smallest giggle. Once he finished he stood upright, laughing at the arms that shot out to wrap tight around his waist. Katsuki seemed rather clingy this morning—which was not a problem at all for Izuku. He missed having him so close.

‘’Now remember, we have to use our inside voices okay? We don’t want to disturb anyone.” He tells the little, fixing a strand of his messy blonde strands. To which Katsuki nods eagerly in reply, bouncing in place—ready to eat his favorite breakfast food. One he hadn’t had in years, he didn’t think he often deserved such a sweet treat.

Once outside the pair walked hand in hand, slowly as not to make the smaller trip over his own two feet. Though the little kept tugging with a whine, wanting to hurry. No doubt excited for breakfast. In Izuku’s own selfish desires he was enjoying every second this, holding his soft hand, guiding him down the halls. Being able to listen to the babbling going on and on about All Might was rather endearing.

‘’I wan’ watch Zu!” Katsuki chirped, reaching up to crawl on top of the counter. Luckily for the both of them it was still early enough for them to be alone in the kitchen. Give it an hour before Eijiro was bounding down to head to the gym after a quick shake. He needed to be fast, they could eat in his bed—call it a picnic.

‘’Alright, be careful.’’ He reminded the blonde, helping him to sit on top. He gathers all the ingredients, getting started right away. While he focused on mixing the batter Katsuki would hum a soft tune, helping to hand him the proper ingredients and equipment until they were ready to be cooked. The little seemed the most intrigued yet slightly afraid of this part. So Izuku did his best to keep one arm firm around his waist while the other flipped the pancakes.

After each flip Katsuki would give a tiny cheer, his arms had come to wrap around the greenettes waist to lean in closer, for a better view and for the extra warmth.

‘’Let’s grab some plates, then we can eat in my room with some All Might. How does that sound?” The cheer Katsuki let out was one Izuku would never forget.

‘’A’ mig’!” He shouts, bouncing to the cabinet reaching up until he was able to grab the plates—with Izuku’s help of corse.

‘’Good job little man!” He praised, brushing his fingers through his soft strands. It came natural to him, there was something so easy for Izuku to care and nurture the other when he was like this.

Hand in hand they made their way up to the bedroom once more. Only this time they weren’t alone. At the end of the corridor stood Aizawa, brows furrowed at the sight.

“Midoriya?” He called out, and thankfully only the one he called noticed his presence. The look Izuku gave him was one of panic, and that screamed to let it go in that moment. And he did just that, watching them take one step at a time. While Katsuki chirped and laughed with each step, looking up at Izuku with eyes he had never seen before.

Just what on Earth was going on?

Chapter Text

Nothing good lasts forever. Izuku knew this, and yet he was still shocked when Katsuki seemed to be zapped back to reality by the next morning. Only he was reserved, angry but silent. Bunched up against the corner, balling his hands into small fists. The greenette had a guess of what was going on in his head—but only a small portion. Only Kacchan knew how he was feeling.

‘’The fuck are you staring at?” The loud blonde snapped, standing rigid in the kitchen. Fingers wrapped securely around his mug. Clearly he was on edge, maybe it was the large crowd forming in the small area. Or it was the memories that were rushing through his brain from the night earlier.

Izuku hadn’t known—but asking now would be a request for death. But he knew he had to. They crossed a line that night—Izuku wanted to be there for him when his mind needed to take a step back.

However it was up to Katsuki whether he would allow him to be apart of his journey or not.

‘’You good man? You’re about to break the cup.” Eijiro piped up from behind the loud blonde, towering over him with furrowed brows. Katsuki seemed to reel back at that, looking back at him with furrowed brows and a tiny huff. It seemed whatever the other said seemed to bring some sort of comfort—or clarity to the blonde and his grip weakened.

‘’Fuck off..” he could only grumble in reply, stomping off as he usually did on busy mornings like these. It was the only way he had a minute to himself before classes began. Izuku set his plate down, giving a weak smile before he went after the blonde. He wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but he had no other choice.

‘’Kacchan!” His voice was loud in the empty hall, and he knew Katsuki heard him when his shoulders visibly tensed.

‘’Fuck off before I kill you.” He snapped back in reply, keeping his head down turning the corner without even a glance back.

‘’Slow down..!” He picked up his pace, shocking himself forward top grab the door before it could complexly slam shut in his face.

‘’Oh you’re dead now..!” Before Izuku could even blink he felt heat being thrown his way. And may it be by luck or pure instinct he ducked, shoving past the blonde until he was propped halfway against the bed. His chest rattled with panting, he felt a bit stupid for pressing like this. But if he didn’t now, then when?

‘’Get out!” Katsuki slams the door behind him, grabbing the closet thing to him: a book. It goes flying, whizzing right past Izuku’s head.

‘’Stop it!” Izuku finally snapped, allowing his voice to raise high enough for the blonde to stop hit antics. He never raised his voice, especially not when it came to Kacchan. But in this moment he had no clue what else he could do. ‘’Sit down. We’re talking about this or I’ll have Sensei do it for us.” He felt horrible to threaten such a thing—but something was seriously going on with the other and they needed to speak about it before it potentially esculated.

‘’T-talk about what..?” Katsuki was weak, his voice quiet—almost silent if it weren’t for Izuku moving in closer. He took notice of how the blonde tensed, how his hands clenched at his sides. He made sure to keep his distance, only standing close enough to hear the others whispers.

‘’I know you remember last night..whether it be bits or pieces but you remember. And..w-we have to talk about it Kacchan. You did nothing wrong—‘’ he was interrupted by a huff and then an eye roll.

‘’Just say it Deku. You’re disgusted.” Katsuki snarled, curling in on himself once his words were spoken aloud. Even he was affected by the venomous meaning. But the greenette felt no disgust—worry of course but nothing more.

‘’I’m not! I..I just—I.” He cut in, trying his best to get through Katsuki’s swirling mind. He didn’t know where he was or what he was overthinking. But he had to help the other understand. ‘’I was worried..a little confused at first. But Kacchan..I’ll never view you or what happened as disgusting. Was it a quirk..? Do you know who—‘’

Interrupted again.

‘’J-just shut up! I-It wasn’t a fucking quirk you used condom!” He shouts, Katsuki was doing everything he could to end this conversation. To distract Izuku from the truth.

Something was wrong with him but he didn’t know what. He didn’t know why his mind reverted back to such a young age. He didn’t understand why it helped, kept him safe. He never bothered to search the internet—afraid of what he might find.

‘’Then what was it..? Is this a normal occurrence?’’ Then he went on and on, his usual habit of mumbling to himself. Only this time it helped to keep Katsuki’s head busy, it kept him lost. He could focus on his own spiraling thoughts rather than the reality: he was caught. Izuku would tell—he’d lose his chance at becoming number one. His mother would really end him now if she knew what her son was doing in the dark.

‘’Just fuck off! I’m fine! I’ve been fine! I don’t need you barging into my life again, didn’t you bother me enough?!” His voice shook, tears spilling over without him even realizing. And then he felt something snap, the angry part of his brain was growing fuzzy. He was dipping back into a mindset he wasn’t ready to show again.

‘’Kacchan..look at me please..?” It was almost like Izuku knew what was happening. And he did, even after a night of being with the blonde he could tell when his eyes glazed, when his expression grew softer and his furrowed brows lessened that the smaller Katsuki—one he thought was a result of a quirk accident was coming forward. And as much as Katsuki tried to avoid it, he couldn’t control the change. He was overwhelmed—his anxiety levels so high his brain just flipped. He needed to comfort himself, a distraction. A way to cope, and somehow he felt safe enough to do it in front of the other. He had no urge to run, he felt nervous but he also knew that Izuku was safe. He fed him pancakes and kept him warm.

He watched All Might over and over again without even a small sigh of complaint.

A whine spilt past his lips, curled fists moving up to cover his eyes. He was overwhelmed, and the softness in the nerds voice did little to help avoid slipping. It had been so long since someone spoke so gently. He built so many walls it was hard for anyone to get in. And after so long not many even tried.

‘’Oh…it’s okay. How about we sit down get under the warm blankets and watch All Might until we feel better?” He hiccups at Izuku’s suggestion, shuffling forward without a second thought. He felt safe with the other when he felt small. Arms came to wrap around him, guiding him towards the bed. His shoes came off first, blazer next and then he was cocooned in his fluffy blanket until his entire body was covered by warmth.

He could hear the cartoon playing, though it was muffled and sounded far away. He focused on the warmth, on the strong arms still wrapped tightly around him. A feeling he may never get used to. He nuzzles in closer, feeling the soft body below him tense for only a moment before fingers carded through his messy hair.

A few minutes later, he could see the screen. He could hear more clearly and he could feel more of his body. He didn’t know where he went in that moment. But he knew he was safe.

‘’You back buddy?” The voice spoke so softly, and oh so sweetly. His eyes look up, teeth gently bitting into his lower lip while he hummed in reply.

‘’Mm..all ‘ight.’’ He points to the screen, using his same finger to prop it between his lips suckling on the digit with a tiny whine. The episode had ended.

‘’Yeah, that’s all might! But look, another episode is starting and..oh! It looks like it’s your favorite one.” Izuku tells him, rubbing small circles onto his lower back shuffling the laptop a bit closer.

That’s how the pair sat for the next hour, Katsuki focused completely on the screen while Izuku watched the blonde. Nodding along when the other babbled to him about the villains, or when he re-enacted the fighting scenes as best as he could while curled up in his arms. He watched it all. He didn’t want to miss a thing, he wanted to be there for him. Brush his hair from his eyes, keep his fingers out of his mouth and tickle his sides when the blonde needed a distraction when an episode ended. He kept a close eye on him—trying to figure out just what was going on.

And then before the sun completely set behind the tall trees did Katsuki open his eyes. His harsh gaze back, shoulders hunched forward. Only this time he wasn’too guarded, he didn’t seem angry. At least..not too angry.

‘’Here’s what is going to happen fuck face.’’ He croaked, turning the slightest bit to face Izuku—though their eyes never met. ‘’You don’t tell a soul and I won’t blow you up. Got it?”

The greenette nodded his head so quickly it ached, heart stuttering in his chest. “Deal. But..I want to be there as much as I can when you get like this. That’s my condition.” His voice never felt so steady. But he meant it, he wouldn’t tell a soul if he was allowed to stay. Though he didn’t know what was going on—he knew he needed to be there to take care of his friend. He couldn’t imagine someone hurting him, in fact he didn’t want to ever see him shed tears of pain. Especially not when he was in such a vulnerable mindset. A mindset he needed to research once he left.

‘’F-Fucking…-“ Katsuki cursed to himself, dragging a hand down his face with a shaky sigh. “Fine. Now get out. I’m fucking tired..”

And Izuku did just that. He didn’t want to stay any longer and risk losing the deal they just made. He didn’t know what was going on With Katsuki Bakugo but he knew one thing.

He wanted to be there for him as best as he could be.

Chapter Text

For the next few weeks Katsuki’s life fell into a confusing but comforting pattern. Each day he’d go to classes, spend the afternoon studying or being bombarded by Eijirou to help him go over the notes. Then when night fell he’d sneak back into his room where he knew freckle face would be waiting. And deep down, though he’d never openly admit—he was okay with it.

Having someone there, someone who just genuinely—or at least he hoped—want to be around him was new, it was a foreign feeling. A feeling his smaller side preferred much more than he did for now. Today was the day Katsuki dreaded yet also came to appreciate: returning after a home visit. The weekend was never kind to the blonde. He feared the minute he stepped off the bus and onto the pavement. It’s like he could feel the bad energy oozing from within the walls.

He had no time to even say goodbye to Deku, and maybe thats what made his time spent at home worse. Sure, the greenette lived two houses over. But his fear outweighed logic and his smaller brain was cornered. For the first few hours he stayed rigid, pressed up against the wall chewing into his lower lip. His hands strung out his shirt until it was wrinkled.

‘’Hey man!” He flinched at the voice knocking him out of his brain. He turned, there stood Eijirou looking as happy as ever. He wouldn’t like, it was nice to see him again. Hell, just to see his class after the weekend he had was refreshing. Not that he would ever admit to that.

‘’You’re so loud..” he grumbled in reply, shoving his hands into his pockets walking alongside his friend. He listened to the redhead ramble on and on about his weekend. How he spent his time with his moms, how they baked and watched his favorite red riot movie. Somewhere deep down Katsuki was jealous, but another part of him knew he wasn’t deserving of such a loving mother.

His mother was cold, venomous. And he deserved every smack, every cut and wound she left behind. Every push and shove, every scream match and nights spent outside was his fault. his bruised ribs, scarred wrists and withered bones was what he deserved. He had come to realize it and accept it.

He was nothing but a burden.

They made it to class early, early enough for Katsuki to have some time to himself before the rest of his ‘’friends’’ showed up to bother him some more. He set his bag down, ignoring the warm pain spreading from bending just slightly at the waist. He didn’t’ want to acknowledge it, it made it easier to not feel it.

Class settled down, though it took some time for Kaminari to stop pestering Mina. The noise for once was somewhat comforting. It kept him from going back, thinking too hard about just what had happened only 24 hours prior. It grounded him.

Before he knew it, the bell rung. He stood last. He seemed to be moving a bit slower today. After not regressing for the whole weekend he was sure his body was about to slowly slip back, he was losing hold on the thread binding that small part of his brain in place.

‘’Kacchan-‘’

“Bakugo-‘’

two voices spoke, he lifts his head in annoyance and the smallest amount of confusion. There stood Izuku, and behind him standing still at the desk with a tired expression was Aizawa. And if his teacher was calling for him that meant he fucked up—how he didn’t know. But what else would he be called for?

‘’What?” His head tilted, heart racing the smallest bit.

‘’You and Izuku are doing okay right?” What the fuck did that mean? Did Aizawa notice them getting closer, did he catch on? That didn’t mean he knew he regressed, it couldn’t. He shouldn’t panic. At least that’s what he kept repeating in his head like a weak mantra to calm himself.

‘’Yeah..why the fuck wouldn’t we be? You wanted us to get along right?” He was rambling, spewing some shit to try and take the attention off himself. Though he seemed to be doing a pretty shit job at it.

‘’Alright..I just wanted to check in.” Aizawa’s gaze fell to Izuku, something he’d keep in his mind to bring up when the two were alone later. He didn’t know what it meant, but his mind was racing with different ‘’what ifs’’ and scenarios to explain it. And going by the look on the others face it meant something. He was hiding something.

‘’Well, go on.’’ They were dismissed and Katsuki never ran so fast. Of course not too fast—he needed to see Izuku. Not for anything else than information.

He didn’t miss him.

Miss being around his safe person. No he didn’t miss that one bit.

Then why was he waiting outside? Rocking nervously side to side to self soothe until the other appeared. When he did finally catch up he waited no time to lead them to his dorm. He shut the door behind Izuku only to kick his shoes off and tug the other towards his bed.

‘’Whoa buddy—“ Izuku always knew when he was close to dropping. Something that angered him but also made him feel mushy. He still fought on his hard days. He struggled to let Izuku in or to push him away as far as possible. Today it seemed like his smaller side was winning today. And it was no wonder.

After hours of being alone and afraid he was finally with someone he felt safe with. Something he wasn’t used to. Of course he had moments where he’d snap, push Izuku away until he felt okay enough to inch closer and closer. But the greenette was patient, he never pushed him too far or forced him to do anything. Today was one of the days he’d cling to the other.

Izuku would call him a baby koala on those days. Those were his favorite days.

‘’-uku!” His arms came around the others neck, fingers tugging until Izuku took the hint to gently lift him until they were pressed against each other. The little sat comfortably on his lap.

‘’Comfy?” he questioned, smiling even wider at the littles bright and quick smile in reply. Izuku couldn’t believe he was seeing the others smile after years of it being nothing but a scowl. The first time Little Katsuki grinned at him he nearly cried. But one quick whine of concern from the other had him sucking them back until later. He didn’t want to worry Katsuki.

The night passed by slowly. First he helped Katsuki to wind down, playing a quick episode on his phone using one hand to hold it while the other threaded through his blonde locks. Then they moved onto setting up his bed for the night, gathering his blankets and his soft pillows. He made a mental note to surprise little Katsuki with a stuffed animal. It seemed as if the other never had one.

They spent hours playing with tiny figures Izuku brought from his dorm. The laughter filling the room brought so much joy into Izuku’s heart it nearly burst. Knowing he was making the usual angry blonde laugh, made him smile did wonders. Katsuki deserved to smile, to laugh and feel safe enough to do so.

And finally when the night grew darker, they made their way under the covers, Izuku wasn’t too shocked when the blonde clung to his chest, pressing his cheek against his chest until his lips pouted outwards.

‘’Mm..warm.” He whispered, peeking up at the other with a sleepy smile. It had been such a long weekend he missed this. He missed Izuku whether he wanted to admit it or not.

‘’Yeah? You’re warm too angel.’’ Izuku replied softly, threading his fingers through his soft strands of hair. It felt so good on nights like these. He worried about him all weekend long. When he saw him from afar at school he had to forcefully hold himself back from rushing to him—checking him over. Asking him thousands of questions. But they had boundaries, and one wrong move could ruin what they have. And the last thing he wanted was Katsuki to be alone.

‘’Why don’t we get some sleep?” He suggests, though he didn’t even need to. Katsuki was already drifting off, humming softly in reply.

‘’Goodnight little one..sweet dreams.” He whispered just like he did almost every night. Only this night he’d stay, and when the morning came around he’d leave quietly.

Their growing bond was a type of comfort they both came to love.

Chapter Text

‘’Close your eyes!” Izuku spoke gently, laughing when the little tried to peek through his fingers once more. Fifteen minutes earlier Izuku arrived with a bag in hand and a grin on his face. After a long week of tests and heavy homework he found it suitable to gift Katsuki his very first plushie—from him at least. After so many nights of watching the smaller hug his blankets to sleep acting as if it were a teddy he had enough. He deserved a soft plush to hold, a comforting doll to call his own.

‘’Wan’ see!” Katsuki whined, bouncing in place keeping his eyes covered this time. He was learning patience with his caregiver. Something he wasn’t used to, but something he needed to learn. And going by his chart with five golden stars he was doing well. Izuku counted down, kneeling down in-front of him taking the small green rabbit out of the bag for the other to see. Truthfully it didn’t take him long to decide on a plush for the other. It was the softest one they had.

‘’Okay sweetheart, open those pretty eyes for me.” He spoke even softer, nicknames came naturally to him now. And every so often the smaller would blush at a new name. Katsuki opened his eyes, moving his hands down and it was only five seconds later that he gasped so loud it run throughout the room.

He stood, hands rolling the bottom of his shirt—a habit he did whenever he was overwhelmed by emotions. Only this time they were ones of excitement.

‘’Bunny! It a bunny!’’

‘’It is..and it’s all yours.” At that Katsuki cried out again, jumping forward wrapping one arm around Iuzku’s neck while the other reached out for the soft plush.

‘’Looks like ‘uku..” he whispered with a toothy grin, tugging the doll into his face so he could rub his cheek into the soft material.

‘’It does look like me a bit, doesn’t it?” He laughed, not even planning for the plush to match him. But in a way he was glad, it would help on nights he arrived late. Katsuki chirped happily, rubbing his cheek down onto the greenette’s shoulder, a silent way of saying he wanted head sratches.

It took time to get to where they were now. It had been a month since their last ordeal, since they started to see each other almost every single night. He had begun to notice small things of Katsuki, changes in behavior. Days where he was grumpier than usual, nights he seem to cling to Izuku, terrified to let go. He noticed most of those nights happened after he visited home—only now he was trying to figure out why.

Surely Auntie couldn’t be the reason behind it, they were close—or at least that’s how he and those around him perceived it. His mother was a bit like Katuski: hot headed and quick to anger. He never gave it much thought, but sometimes the idea popped into his mind. Every Sunday night the little would cling to him, his limbs had a small tremor until he’d fall asleep. He always seemed to fall into a much smaller headspace, one where he couldn’t speak and could barely move on his own.

Izuku kept everything in the back of his mind, he needed to pay attention of this change.

‘’How about we take a walk? It’s warming up.” He suggests, still threading his fingers through baby Katsuki’s hair as they laid tangled in bed.

‘’Outside? Wan! Can we bring moss?” The blonde asks, looking up with a toothy grin, shoving the bunny rabbit into the other’s face. Izuku could only laugh, nodding his head before he sat up taking the smaller with him. It was early enough where not one would be awake—a time Katsuki felt safe enough to go out.

And so the boys stood, Izuku took care of Katsuki first, helping him to slide into new clothes. Putting the softest socks on his feet before he helped tie his sneakers. Once he was finished he quickly got himself ready. And luckily he was fast enough, finishing just as Katsuki was starting to whine near the door.

‘’Go! ‘Uku go..!” His finger pointed out to the door, feet rocking him back and forth on the carpeted floors.

‘’We’re going buddy, come on be patient.” He scolded lightly, taking the others hand while they walked. He made sure to lock the door behind him, guiding them down the hall. They both kept quiet, he didn’t need to accidentally wake anyone. Not right now, not when things were just starting to calm down.

It wasn’t until they made it outside and down the hidden pathway that Katsuki seemed to loosen up. He ran forward, holding his arms out with a tiny laugh. He showed Moss all his favorite spots. His favorite tree, favorite flower and his favorite stump he always sat on when it wa time for a snack. Meanwhile Izuku sat back and watched, of course he’d follow him to every new location and kept a close eye on when the other started to run. He didn’t want to lose sight of him for even a second.

Moments like this made him happy. Life seemed so simple, the world around them fell deaf on their ears. Katsuki was able to be himself, he felt safe enough to do so. This was their cherished time.

‘’Whoa Angel look!” Izuku called from behind the little, kneeling down to point to the small little lady bug perched on a flower petal. Katsuki turned quickly, a loud and dramatic gasp leaving his lips. In only a matter of seconds he came running towards the bug, shoving moss out so the little animal could witness this moment with them.

‘’’ady bug!” His lisp was more prominent today, it always made the greenette’s heart squeeze. Kacchan was adorable when he felt happy like this.

‘’Can we keep it Zuzu?” He questioned, looking up at his caregiver with his big red eyes, lower lip pushed out in a tiny pout. And how could anyone in their right mind say no to that? Only this little creature belonged in the wild not locked away in a small box.

‘’Well..little man, this lady bug needs to stay outside to grow big and strong like you. We don’t want to keep it from its home do we?” He spoke softly, pushing a strand of the blonde’s messy locks behind his ear. With a tiny whine and a long pause to absorb Izuku’s words he shook his head.

‘’No..don’ wanna make him sad.” He spoke lightly, shuffling in closer to Izuku’s side.

‘’What a good boy.” He praised, lifting his hand to run his fingers through his soft hair. Something Izuku thought he’d never be able to do with Kacchan—if he even tired when he was in his older mind he’d be blown to pieces.

The blonde only giggled in response, cuddling into his side keeping a close eye on the bug. The summer wind blew past them, the chirps from the early morning birds filed the air. The world felt so peaceful, both boys were enjoying themselves it seemed.

Another hour passed, in that time Katsuki took a small break to indulge in some small fish shaped chips and a small carton of strawberry milk.Feeding Moss some pieces as well, he even went as far as to handing Izuku a few. They were sticky and a bit damp but his caregiver didn’t mind it one bit. Seeing Katsuki share was enough to make the greenette’s chest bust. He knew it was time to head back to his dorm when he caught the little rubbing his eyes, mouth opening wide with a big yawn.

‘’Alright little one, let’s head back. I think it’s time for a nap.’’ He suggests, taking the others hand the second it went out for his. Katsuki became even clingier when he grew tired like this, he wanted nothing more than to be cuddled up against Izuku while he slept. So he followed beside him, head lolling back and forth the longer they walked. Their morning had been so much fun, little Katsuki couldn’t believe it.

It was a feeling he never thought he’d experience, especially not when he was small like this. He had only known a world of fear for so long, having a day or days where he felt safe and content was foreign but not unwelcome.

‘’Hey Midoriya!” Izuku’s head snaps to the right, there coming down the hall stood Eijiro, a big grin on his face.

Shit

He had to move fast, if the redhead caught Kacchan in a state like this he was back to square one. He couldn’t risk that, he couldn’t risk him breaking down. Pushing away. So he acted without a thought, unlocking the door to the blondes room before shoving him in. He couldn’t hear the whimper that left him before the door shut. He stood in-front of it with a wobbly grin turning towards the taller once he stood beside him.

‘’Y-Yes Kirishima?” He questioned with a tiny smile, trying to act as normal as he could in that moment.

‘’Have you seen Bakubro? He missed training again, I was trying to check if he was in his room. Probably studying all day again.” He mumbled with a tiny laugh, shaking his head. While that could be his excuse he didn’t want Eijro to go knocking on the door—spooking the little even more.

‘’O-Oh..no I tried knocking but he isn’t there. Maybe check the kitchen? It is about the time he starts on making lunch.” And that seemed to do it, thankfully. Though he stood there for another five minutes rambling about how badly he needed help with his homework. Izuku tried to listen, tried to care. But his attention was on the smaller currently locked in the room behind him.

So when Eijiro finally left with a promise to text him if he found Katsuki he opened the door. Shutting it quietly behind him he turned on the lights, chest constricting at the sight.

There in the corner of the room sat a huddled Katsuki, covering his head. Eyes blown wide in fear. Why? He didn’t know.

But he’d find out soon enough. He took small steps, kneeling down to try and touch him.

Bad idea.

The little flinched, whimpering in fear.

‘’N-no..! ‘M good..’m good!” He shouts, voice cracking. His words slurred, lisp even more prominent as his fear grew.

‘’H-hey..hey little one, it’s okay it’s me..it’s Zuzu.’’ He spoke softly, sitting down in front of him, holding out a hand—not close to touch but close enough that if Katsuki wanted to reach out and take his hand he could.

‘’It’s okay, you’re safe here. Safe with me and moss. You’re such a good boy..the best boy.’’ He praised softly, heart aching that he couldn’t reach forward and pull the smaller into his arms. Hearing him hiccup, choke on sobs all while ripping at his hair made his chest ache. It felt like his heart was being tugged on. He looked so scared, so terrified all alone in that little corner.

‘’D-don’t…d-don hurt me..” he cried, rocking back and forth, tugging Moss even closer now. Little pops left his hands, though not strong enough to cause a flame the sound was still harsh on their ears. ‘’Z-Zuzu..z-Zuzu..” he wailed, rubbing one tearful eye with a closed fist. His eyes were glazed when he lifted his head—searching for his caregiver.

It took a while, with gentle words and soft praises after thirty minutes of Izuku waiting he was given the hint to move closer. Katsuki’s hand twitched in his direction a weak whisper of his name made him all so sure to move forward. He pulled him into his arms, cradling the back of his head while Katsuki cried, a sight he never wanted to see. Even when he was in a bigger mindset, he never wanted to see the other in pain.

Just what on earth made him so scared? Who or what told him he was bad? And who hurt him.

All these questions raced through his head, but he focused only on the blonde in his arms. Taking care of him after such a bad drop was his biggest priority.

‘’It’s okay..oh it’s okay sweetheart.” He whispered softly, sitting on the bed. He helped remove his shoes, his fuzzy socks and his soft hoodie. Leaving little Katsuki in his favorite All Might shirt and soft blue shorts. He kicked off his own shoes, crawling into bed with the smaller still held tight against his chest.

‘’Z-Zuzu..stay wif me?” His little red eyes looked up, brows furrowed like he truly feared the other would disappear.

‘’I’m here Kacchan, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” He leaned down, pressing the softest kiss to his dampened forehead. And that seemed to do enough to calm Katsuki. Because, within a few minutes he was fast asleep. Leaving Izuku alone in thought.

Just what was going on with Kacchan?

Chapter Text

Katsuki would never get used to the mornings after a drop. He always felt clammy, and a bit fuzzy. His head aching, eyes blinking rapidly while he tried to catch his breath. The first thing he noticed was his clothing, the soft fabric being a harsh reminder of what happened the night before.

And while his memory was always a bit mismatched and scattered he didn’t forget it completely. Deku saw him freak out, saw him in his weakest state.

‘’F-Fuck..’’ his voice was shaking, hands ripping at his blonde strands trying to ground himself as silently as he could. They never woke beside each other, Deku knew better than to stay. And he was thankful the other wasn’t a complete idiot for once.

The first thing he did was rip his clothes off, he needed out of those soft cottons. He wanted to forget the day before, erase those cheesy romcom type memories. He didn’t deserve such thoughts. He tugged on his beaten up hoodie, some ripped jeans right after. They fit a bit baggier than last time, something he knew he should care more about. But in that moment he wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him whole.

He needed to brush it off, act fine just like he was taught. Keep to himself, keep his head down low. His shoulders straight and his eyes alert. He couldn’t risk fucking up yet again and getting his mother involved. Let alone any of the teachers at UA. And with Deku’s big mouth he knew this would be an almost impossible mission.

Thankfully Katsuki was never one to avoid such hard battles.

He didn’t waste another second in dwelling on the past. Instead he threw himself back into his usual routine of being the first to home room. He didn’t even bother to fix his hair, he needed the normalcy back in his world for a moment.

Everything felt like it was being ripped from his grip, like the string he so desperately held onto was slowly but surely slipping away. The world was breaking beneath his feet and all he could do was beg the universe to keep him afloat. He was losing control, losing focus. And he didn’t want tot imagine what would happen if he ended up falling.

As usual he was the first to sit, his backpack making a loud bang once he dropped it down beside his desk. He wasted no time in slumping forward, covering his head with his arms aiming to block out the world around him for a bit longer.

Slowly the room started to fill, the sound around him was a bit fuzzy and muffled by his arms pressing down over his ears.

‘’Hey bro!” Of course he couldn’t block out Eijirou’s loud and chirpy voice. No matter what time of the day it was the redhead always seemed to be in a lively mood.

‘’Fucking Christ..” Katsuki mumbled under his breath. He pushed himself to lift his head, glaring at the other through his messy bangs. ‘’It’s seven in the morning Shitty hair. Fuck off.”

As usual the other didn’t take his insults to heart, laughing as loudly as he possibly could at the crack of dawn. Any other day Katsuki might’ve ignored this, knowing it was just how the other was. But today after an emotionally heightened night, waking up to those memories being triggered did little to help with his heightened annoyance. His eyes glanced around the room instead of focusing on the task given to them. His eyes lingered on the greenette’s form for longer than necessary. Their eyes met and he felt his chest flutter, or ache? He wasn’t sure what that feeling was. He couldn’t look away, not first he couldn’t come off as the weaker. So he stared.

He remembered the night before, how Deku held him. How he wiped his tears, soothed him from those viscous memories. So many weeks went like that, he never got tired of his tears. Deku was patient with him, gentle.

And deep down he wondered if they’d only ever get along when he was small like that? Is that the only way Deku would like him?

He wouldn’t blame him. he was quiet like that, easy to speak to. He wasn’t angry, blowing shit up or cursing out the other. He couldn’t land a blow on him and he was positive Deku liked him better that way. And for some reason that left a foul taste in his mouth.

Does anyone even like him? Do they all see him for what he is?

A villian.

No matter how hard he tried to calm down, to breathe and ignore those around him he could not do so. He tried to ignore the laughter, the useless banter and the playful comments passed around during their first lesson. He was growing more impatient by the second, and soon he was going to snap.

He tried not to, the last thing he wanted was to be written up yet again. He was sure Aizawa would call home and fuck things up for him even more. And thankfully by the time his patience grew thin he was in the hall,trying to leave last to avoid the loud and annoying crowd.

But Eijirou was testing his luck today, and it looks like it ran out for him.

‘’Come on bro! You were supposed to help me study yesterday too!’’ He whined, tugging on Katsuki’s arm like he would do every so often. But today it was too much, everything was far too much for the blonde. His skin felt like it was on fire with how overstimulated everything felt. His ears were ringing, his skin burning. He was too far gone to even control himself.

‘’Fuck!’’ He shoves him off, giving no time for anyone to even blink before he broke loose. ‘’I just want to be alone, can’t any of you fucking see that?! Or are you that dumb? Fucking study on your own shitty hair! I’m tired of teaching you the same shit week after week you’re too fucking stupid for me to teach you!” His voice was cracking, hands shaking at his sides. Though he was sure it played off as him close to using his blasts. ‘’J-Just for once in your goddamn life can you use that stupid brain of yours to see I want some space?!”

He finished with a shaky breath, heart pounding so hard and fast he was terrified it was going to break through his rib cage if he didn’t get his breathing under control.

‘’O-Oh..” Eijirou whispered, his voice trembling just as much as Katsuki’s only he tried to play it off with a smile. He was used to the mean comments, but they were never like this. never form someone he assumed was his best friend. So to say it hurt was an understatement. He took a step back, nearly tripping over himself trying to get away. The hallway was silent, how could anyone speak after such a low blow from Katsuki.

‘’Bakugo..that was not cool.” Kaminari whispered, taking Eijirou by his elbow guiding him away. In that moment Katsuki truly felt the ground start to swallow him, it felt like the slime was crawling up his legs again, traveling towards his mouth to drag him into the depths below him.

He was a monster. How could he not be? He hurt Eijirou. He called him stupid.

He hurt him all because he didn’t know how to ask for space. He didn’t know how to communicate in a healthy manner.

His emotions always got the best of him because no one was ever there to help regulate those heavy feelings that always brewed deep inside his chest cavity.

His anger was the only constant. It protected him, hid his heavy feelings from being seen.

Now as he stood alone, eyes focused on his shoes though they seemed to be swaying with him. His hands shook, swat gathering in his palms at a dangerous rate.

‘’F-Fuck..” he gasped, his chest stinging. He knew he was slipping, at a fast and scary pace.

His brain was going back and forth, his mindset growing big and small within a matter of seconds. He couldn’t breathe, not alone like this. So he moved, pushing through the crowds, skipping over steps desperate to find Deku. He felt embarrassed, disgusted. Why did he have to be punished with this brain? why did he have to slip, and why did he find himself relying on the other like some weak pussy? He craved his warm touch, his soft gentle eyes. It was something he had never seen before. But he was cornered, he didn’t want to run to him. Not again. He couldn’t believe he’d ever see Deku as someone he could run to. And why did he feel this way when he thought of him?

For years he felt this tingling sensation, almost burning fill his lungs at the sight of the other. When he was too far, too close. When their eyes locked and their shoulders brushed against each other. It was too much—too much to handle. Everything was becoming too much.

No, he hated Deku. And that was that. He locked up those memories of their childhood in the back of his mind. He wouldn’t let those memories linger on.

‘’Z-Zu..’’ he whispered, his voice cracking lisp slipping through. He tried so hard to fight it, to stay in his bigger state. But he saw Eijirou’s face, it flashed in his mind. A haunting sight.

He hurt him. He was a bad boy. A monster.

His hands smacked down against his temples, knees nearly giving out at the smack alone. It was too loud. Everything was too much. He paused at the stairway, moving to huddle underneath the steps with a shaky breath. He was stuck in between ages, mentally he was in the middle of big and small.

He wanted to scream, blow up and curse out anyone who got too close. Lock up these emotions, laugh in the faces of those who saw him as a villain. He was Katsuki Bakugo. He was strong, he’d be the best hero there was. He had no time for these extras pushing and shoving to get his attention. He had no time to break down and give into this weak side of his brain.

He had no time for this. So he would push it away, hide it deep down. He couldn’t let this take control.

He needed to suck it up. Life sucked, you cry and then you move on.

He needed to move on. Shove it all deep down inside until he was nothing more than an empty shell of a man.

Chapter Text

The next day was just as bad as the day before. Those around him were quiet in fear of waking the beast again.

He succeeded in avoiding Deku the night before. He was sure he could slip alone, he didn’t need a damn baby sitter. He wasn’t a baby for gods sake. But as he sat here hunched in the far back corner of the gym he felt this hollow feeling spread throughout his veins.

Deku stood a few feet away, chatting away with Dunce face. Laughing like the idiot he was, he looked fine—like he wasn’t even aware of Katsuki avoiding him. But then why would he even care? They hated each other. at least Katsuki hated him.

That’s what he assumed the feeling was.

That warm feeling that spread from his fingers to toes every time they got too close. Or how his chest would constrict and ache whenever Deku pushed himself too far. How his ears would burn whenever he was praised after a simple training exercise.

He despised him. It was as simple as that.

So he continued on with his training, ignoring those around him. Only focusing on the extras who were forcefully paired up with him for the day. Koda was no match for him today, not like he ever was.

And Katsuki rarely ever went easy on someone, even if he felt like there were weights attached to his ankles everytime he moved. He put his all into it. It wasn’t until Aizawa dismissed them to go shower and change that he felt the full effects of his aching body.

He kept to himself, keeping his head high but his eyes downcast. No matter how angry he was he hated the looks, the stares and the whispers.

‘’Hey Kiri we watching another movie tonight? I was thinking..cars!” Sero cheered, slapping his arm down onto Eijirou’s lower back. The redhead grinned, his sharp teeth on full display.

‘’Oh hell yeah man. You know I love that movie!” The room filled with even more chatter after that. Katsuki did his best to ignore it, trying not to glance in the opposite direction. He didnt’t care to see how they all got along.

They looked even happier when he wasn’t a part of the group. His mood soured even more at that.

With a small but loud huff, letting everyone know he was done and annoyed he grabs his bag. Heading towards the door, throwing on his signature smug expression doing anything in his power to show just how fine he was. He didn’t need Eijirou, he didn’t feel bad.

He did.

He didn’t need anyone to cling to him. That would only bring him down and distract him even further from becoming number one.

‘’Kacchan!” Deku came running out after him, his shoe not even completely tied up before he ran out after him. Katsuki turned to face him, raising a brow in question. ‘’I didn’t see you last night..were you okay?” His voice was soft, too soft it almost hurt Katsuki’s already sensitive ears. He hated how sweet the other sounded, how he looked at hi with such pity in his eyes.

‘’I’m fine.” Was his short and simple reply, moving once more to walk in the direction of the dorms. He wanted to be alone. To study and go to bed. Repeat this all over again and again until he graduated.

‘’B-But..yesterday I know with Kirishima..” he trailed off, trotting behind him to try and catch up. The more he spoke, the higher Katsuki’s anger rose. And the warmer his hands began to grow. He did not need to hear this right now. ‘’I was worried—o-or well I just wanted to check on Kacchan. I know he can take care of himself..a-and I know if you need me you always..find me. B-But after I heard what happened I wasn’t su-‘’

He was mumbling, rambling on and on aloud about his inner thoughts. Something Deku did way too much. A habit he may never quit. And it only angered Katsuki even more. He just wanted to be alone. But in the same breath, same thought he so desperately craved for someone to hold his hand. Pull him afloat.

‘’—i just wanted to make sure you’re okay..are you okay?” And then the thread snapped. His composure broke.

Crack.

His fist reeled back, chest heaving with deep and heavy breaths. He was angry, pissed. God, why couldn’t anyone just leave him alone?! Didn’t they see he was meant to be alone. He was a monster. This was his path.

‘’Oh my god Midoriya!”

That seemed to break him out of whatever angry trance he was in. His eyes quickly looked down to his closed fist, his knuckles bruising with some red specks littering his skin. His digits shook at the sight, blood was on him. Deku’s blood was coating his pale skin. A sight he never wanted to see. His head snapped upwards, chest constricting in another painful twitch at the sight of Deku on the ground.

His hands covering his now bloody nose, the liquid seemed to glide down his wrists, coating the ground below them. His eyes met Katsuki’s. Brows furrowed in pain and confusion.

Iida ran forward, helping Izuku to sit up with a worried expression.

‘’That was uncalled for!” He scolds, staring at Katsuki with a disappointed expression. A sight he was no stranger to. He grabbed his things, straightening his bag trying to slip away from the commotion before it became too crowded.

‘’What is going on here.” His body stiffened. Why did he not think Aizawa would be close by. He silently curses himself, daring to look back at his tired teacher. His grey eyes staring him down with an expression that read he was beyond annoyed. The world around him became muffled. He could only faintly hear Iida shouting out the problem, his finger pointing straight in his direction. And it took everything in his body to not reach forward and break that too.

‘’Iida, take Midoriya to recovery girl. The rest of you go back to the dorms.” He leaves no time for argument or any questions before he turned to the blonde that started it all.

‘’Bakugo. Let’s go.” He wouldn’t argue with that, he was frozen in fear and shame. He snapped, he showed everyone that his mother was right. Everyone was right. He was a villian.

The walk was silent, the occasional scrape of their shoes snapped him out of his trance. He knew it was only going to go downhill from here. His parents would be called, he’d be punished—kicked out. Suspended. He was going to lose his one dream. All because he couldn’t control his anger like some weak child.

‘’—you do understand why I have to, correct?” He looks up, having no idea what was just asked but he nodded anyways. He felt that familiar tug, that fuzzy headspace begging to come out. ‘’I’ll inform your parents of your behavior. And I’ll have to talk to them tonight. Decide where we go from here.”

He was going to die. That was the only certainty. His mother would lose it. If she didn’t kill him, she’d make it bad enough that he wished she did. But what could he do? Nothing, absolutely nothing.

“Get comfortable, I’ll go call your parents.” He did as he was told, setting his bag down getting comfortable in the chairs. And before he knew it, he was gone. His brain felt foggy.

He was there but physically he felt has if he was floating through space. He didn’t know how long he sat there in the cold office. The plastic chair digging into his bones, the chill from the vents occasionally brushed past his cheeks snapping him out of it for a few seconds before he was pulled back.

‘’What did he do now?” He knew that’s voice, it was one that made his entire being freeze up. Made his blood run cold and his heart run so fast he was sure it would collapse in on itself. The door pushed open and in walked the devil herself. His mother stood tall, forehead already twitching in anger.

She sat beside him, gripping down on his thigh with her acrylics pressed in painfully. His father—as usual sat in the back silent like the dead.

‘’For whatever reasons Bakugo decided to break Midoryia’s nose today. And as you may guess we do need to decide on some form of punishment for doing so. Nezu and I agree while this was out of line, it does not call for suspension. However he will be kept from training for another three weeks as well as detention during that time.’’ Normally he’d lose it, scream how unfair it was.

He needed to train—to be kept from doing so was wrong. But with his mother sitting beside him practically nailing him in place he could only stare in horror. His eyes were hollow, face devoid of any emotion. A sign Aizawa picked up on but thought nothing—assuming he was livid at his punishment.

‘’I understand. We’ll talk to Bakugo and figure out what to do from here as well. He won’t be messing up like this again I can promise you that.” She spoke, giving a tight smile. They were dismissed soon after, his mother dragging him out. Aizawa’s watchful eyes following them until they left the office.

They made it to the parking lot, a secluded area which was just what his mother needed to blow off some steam.

‘’How many more times will we have to do this?!” Her words like venom, and they’d only get more deadly the more she spoke. He knew she was angry, beyond it at this point. ‘’How many times do I need to smack some sense into you before you grow out of whatever this is?” He was pushed, forehead smacked in annoyance. He could only grimace, eyes shutting at the sharp pain.

‘’I’m sorry..’’ God, if anyone from class heard him apologizing he’d be made a mockery. A joke of the school. The Bakugo Katsuki was apologizing? But they didn’t understand. This was his mother, a demon. If he didn’t try to apologize for his mistakes he’d be hurt even more.

‘’You’re sorry?! What good does that do?” He was grabbed again, shoved towards the door until his back was pressed against the warm metal. His arm throbbing from the tight grip. He could only stand there, letting his mother belittle and smack him until she grew tired.

He blocked out her words, ignored her shouting. He could only sway and move with every smack to the face, push and shove.

‘’Listen here you brat.” His jaw was grabbed in a tight grip, nails cutting through the skin with a sharp burn. ‘’You’re going to behave. I better not get another call about you hurting another student you understand. I have no problem ripping you out of this school and sending you off until you get beat into a better man.’’ And he knew she meant it. One more mess up and she would take everything away from him until he ended things himself.

‘’Do you understand?!” Her hand flies out, smacking his cheek once more, sure to leave an angry mark behind from the force of it.

‘’I understand.” He whispered in reply. His voice shaking. She seemed satisfied with his weak reply, finally letting go of his bruising skin.

It took time for him to gain movement in his body. He stood there in the empty parking lot for what seemed like hours yet was only a couple of minutes. His mother had left soon after, not even bothering to check on him or guide him back inside. Why would she? She couldn’t care less if lived or died.

He felt the ground below him start to wither away once more. His brain begging to be set free, his smaller self trying so hard to break through. Keep him safe from his angry thoughts, and those dark urges.

He was so tired. Tired of putting up an act. Tired of living like this. Tired of being pushed around and judged for every small move he made. He was so tired of trying.

Bloody hands moved to cover his face, shoulders shaking as he wept. Silent and angry tears. He was cold and alone, sobs breaking through him one after another making it hard to breathe.

Katsuki was tired.

Chapter Text

Detention was boring, not a shocker. His first week went by fast, the second seemed to be dragging on and on. It was only Tuesday and he was just itching to get back into training. Of course just because he wasn’t allowed to participate in school didn’t mean he avoided it completely. His normal early morning runs were split up into two different activities: running and training. He’d travel all the way to the top of the hill far away to keep his peace while he focused on new moves and techniques.

It helped him stay sane during all the afternoon set backs. He couldn’t imagine how he would feel if he wasn’t training.

‘’Alright, you’re good to go little listener.” Present mic spoke. He was in charge of watching him today, Aizawa was busy with other things he was told. Not that it mattered anyways, they never spoke. They were just there to check off another box of his attendance.

With a tiny huff he makes his way back to the dorms, keeping his eyes downwards watching his sneakers scuff along the ground. His limbs felt heavy, like lead was incased inside his bones holding him down. He was so tired, his nights were filled with taunting nightmares. His mother cruel enough to follow him into his dreams.

‘’Left! Left Mina!” Of course he had to listen to his classmates enjoy their time without him. It was a taunting sound. One that made his insides twist and his ears burn. Maybe he really was the anchor that seemed to drag everyone down with him. They sounded happier, there was no yelling—no apologizes being thrown around for pressing too far.

He walked even faster, making sure to keep his eyes forward when passing by the tv room. He paid no attention the the quiet whispers, whether they were aimed at him or not he didn’t care. It still made him ache. And then he smacked forward, his forehead aching at the sudden pressure. His eyes lifted, chest constricting so painfully he nearly doubled back. There stood Eijirou, his arms full with different snacks and movies. His eyes were wide, clearly the pair were not expecting to run into each other like this.

Both must have been zoned out.

His throat tightened, was he supposed to say anything? He felt like he was frozen, like someone’s cold hands as wrapped round his vocal cords keeping him from speaking. They never went this long without talking to each other. To Katsuki Eijirou was his best friend. Not that he’d ever say those words aloud. He kept him afloat, he was patient. He was understanding, and he hoped he was beginning to understand how his brain worked. Realize why he lashed out. But how could he put such high expectations on another.

‘’Oh..Sorry Bakugo.” He spoke so softly it was like ice digging into his heart. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, like he didn’t want to even smile in the blondes direction. He knew he should apologize, or say anything to bring him back—but he found himself frozen. Stuck.

‘’Whatever.” He spoke in return, side stepping until he could move past him. His heart racing even faster, he hated this. He hated knowing he was losing one person at a time. He kept his head down, rushing up the steps, skipping one to get to his dorm even faster.

He needed moss. He needed out of these tight clothes, he was overwhelmed and he needed to let go of control. After a week of fighting it he was losing the power to stay afloat.

‘’Kacchan..” he turns ever so slightly at the soft voice coming from behind. Luckily the hallway was empty, it seemed like everyone was downstairs tonight leaving the two alone. ‘’I think we should talk.” He finished, standing his ground. They hadn’t seen each other since the fight. Since Katsuki broke his nose, leaving it a bit red but healed. Though as he stood there staring him down he couldn’t help but remember the sight of his blood. How it caked his knuckles until he was able to wash it off. How putrid the scent was.

And then he remembered the guilt, how it ate him alive. Kept him awake for hours until he passed from exhaustion. He hurt him, and for no real reason other than his anger. He broke his nose—something he had never done before. Sure, he bullied Deku relentlessly when they were younger. But all the bruises and scrapes were left by his followers. He never wanted to lay a blow, he hated getting too close. It made his chest ache, left his fingers tingling anytime they brushed against each other. The only time he wouldn’t notice that ache was when he let go, when that smaller part of him took over.

‘’I’m tired Deku.” His reply was lacking the usual bite, fingers starting to tremble around the key. He wanted to run, that’s what he did best. He avoided, hid and waited until things blew over. He avoided Eijirou like that black plague. Avoided his squad of friends like his life depended on it.

‘’And so am I. Y-You..you haven’t let me see you in a week. I know you haven’t..done it since then—or if you have I wasn’t there.” There he went again, speaking without a thought on how it would affect Katsuki. ‘’It can be bad if you’re alone..or dangerous.’’

His usual rising anger was no where to be found. He blamed it on the numbness spreading. He was lacking most things these days. He felt nothing but a heavy pressure of sadness—boredom. Everyday was beginning to look the same and his usual dreams were looking like they were moving further and further away from his grasp.

‘’I’m fine.”

‘’Kach—‘’

He pushed his door open, slamming it behind him. His head bumped against the wood, his chest heaving. He was losing grip on reality, and fast. Before he knew it, his bag was thrown down. Shoes kicked off. He wasted no time in ripping his uniform off, nearly tripping over his own pants while he reached for his comfiest sweater, holding Moss like his life depended on it.

He sat in his mess of clothes, rocking silently trying to ground himself. His brain regressing so fast it felt like he was falling through the floorboards. And then he let go, the wire snapped and he was gone. His brain felt like mush, keeping him safe and warm. He felt fuzzy all over, limbs too heavy to move. Eyes wet with soft hiccups.

‘’’m..so scared.” he whispered to the soft little bunny in his arms. Red eyes filling with tears that spilled over without a second thought. Little Katsuki was terrified, he was lonely and he just wanted Zuku to take him into his strong arms. But standing was hard, moving even a finger took so much energy from him he rather sit alone. Moss could only do so much, his brain was far too small to understand how to turn on his electronic in that moment. So he sat, curled up on his uniform letting his tears fall one after one.

Why couldn’t things be easier? Why couldn’t he be happy? He didn’t understand a thing when he was like this. It was all too complex, too hard for him to comprehend.

Why was he being punished? Why was he all alone? And why couldn’t he see Zuku? Sure, he could stand, find a way to the others room like he had done so many times before. But there was this impending doom hanging over his head at the thought of doing so. Like his brain would explode in anger or another emotion he couldn’t quite place. And not knowing what that was terrified the little. So he stayed, hiccuping on tears, rocking Moss like he was the baby instead. He used what was around him to play, wrapping the bunny in his wrinkled shirt, using his tie to act as a paci.

‘’It’s okay moss…’m here.” He whispered, hiccuping on another soft cry. He would take care of Moss, keep him safe from the scary Villains fogging his brain. He would protect him until Zuku returned, until he deserved such kindness.

And he wasn’t sure when that would be or if he even deserved such a thing.

Chapter Text

The next few days were hard, hours spent alone while the world passed on around him. Classes dragged on. Everyday felt the same. He was repeating the same cycle over and over again. He could only watch his classmates from afar. Envy was such a cruel thing. He’d watch from the staircase, their loud laughters filled the halls while they made their way to the training grounds. Flashy suits on display taunting him.

He should be there. He needed to train, to get better. But this was his punishment. So he waited, only a few more days to go until he could go back to normalcy. He sat in the lounge room, feet propped up on the coffee table, fingers tapping on his jeans. He had nothing to do, detention ended an hour ago and he didn’t want to be in his room. Not again. He felt like he would go crazy the longer he stayed in there. So until the extras came back he’d use this time to exist alone, without worrying about any backhand comments or pokes at his boundaries.

‘’Aren’t you supposed to be in detention?” A voice knocked him out of his busy thoughts, neck craning ever so slightly to see just who talking to him. Uruaka.

‘’Aren’t you supposed to be sucking Deku’s ass?” He retorts, turning back around watching the television pay another random advert.

‘’Geez..it’s no wonder everyone avoids you.” She mumbled under her breath, though Katsuki was sure she was purposely loud enough that he’d hear him even as she walked into the kitchen. He felt his veins twitch, anger rising slowly.

‘’Fuck off.” He hissed, taking a deep breath. He did not need to mess up again. No matter how hard those around him made it.

He could not deal with his mother again. Not when his brain was suffering like this. He was constantly on the verge of slipping, the smallest things made his insides freeze up and his smaller part want to come out to protect him. Tug him back into their familiar arms until the world around him was deemed safe.

‘’Is that the only word you know?” She snaps, setting her bag down looking over at him with furrowed brows. She was really testing her luck tonight. Any other night he would’ve blown up, thrown some sparks her way. But he was trying, fighting against it.

‘’Why are you on my ass? I’m not even doing anything?” And he was right, he was sitting here alone. minding his own goddamn business before chubby cheeks came in to nip at his ass like some Karen.

‘’Because someone has to be. We’ve let you verbally abuse us for years. But we’re growing tired of it.’’

Of you.

He knew what she meant, he wasn’t an idiot. He heard it for years, his mother warned him of this. “People grow tired of boys like you.” It wasn’t enough, even when he tried to keep to himself, to stay quiet. People were bound to leave him.

Would Zuku leave him?

He shakes his head, digging his teeth into his lower lip with a shaky breath. He did not need this right now. So he stood, pushing himself to stand to his full height. Hands shoved deep inside his pockets curled up into small fists. His dark eyes met hers, and he nearly scoffed at the sight.

‘’Well sorry to disappoint, this is how I am. Either you learn to accept it or fuck off and leave me alone. I don’t t need any of you extras holding me down.” He never really meant that, deep down he knew he cherished the small friendships he made over the years. But he wasn’t allowed to show his weakness.

‘’We hear you loud and clear.” Came from behind him, his shoulders tensing at that voice. Eijirou.

Fuck.

The rest of the group stood behind him, arms crossed. While some looked disappointed—others not surprised. This was Katsuki. He was known and labeled as the hot headed bastard. No one took the time to understand his anger, or read through the lines.

‘’Come on guys it’s Kacchan! You know he doesn’t mean it.” Came Deku’s response, his voice always a bit shaky but cheerful nonetheless.

‘’I don’t know man, he seemed pretty sure of it.’’ Was Sero’s response, dark eyes digging into Katsuki’s.

He felt sick, his legs wanted to give out. There were too many eyes on him, too much attention. His brain was scrambling. Hands aching to hold onto Moss, dig into his soft fur until he felt nothing but the beads digging into the rough palms of his hands.

‘’Whatever.’’ He grumbled, trying to look for a way out, how to slip through them and hide back in the safety of his room.

‘’Seriously? You wont even deny it? It’s been weeks, you haven’t said a thing to us!” Mina shouts, brows furrowed with frustration. And while he wanted to laugh and explain that no, he didn’t mean it but he had to keep them at a safe distance so he didn’t show how weak he was. So they wouldn’t leave him.

He couldn’t. His brain was programmed to be cold, to hide every raw thought and feeling that coursed through him. He wasn’t allowed to show feelings, he covered it with anger. Buried it deep down until it’d kill him.

‘’Look..can you all just fuck off for once?” He was growing tired, why did they never listen to his pleas? They only reacted once he’d explode, he had to scream just to be heard.

‘’Guys..come on. Let’s give Kacchan some space.” Deku spoke up once more, trying to step in between the group.

‘’How can you stick up for him after everything?” Uruaka sighed, running a hand down her nose bridge giving a glare towards Katsuki.

‘’Because who does it benefit holding onto anger and resentments for so long? It gets you no where.” His chest constricted at that, why did everything feel all fuzzy inside?

‘’Let’s just go guys.” Eijirou spoke up, being the last one in the group to speak up during all of this. And for some reason that hurt more. But it seemed to do the trick and slowly one by one they left. The room was quiet again, the television turned off during the debacle.

‘’Kacchan..” his shoulders tensed at his soft voice, insides twisting painfully. But still, he made no move to acknowledge his voice. Instead Katsuki turned away making his way to his room. The guilt hanging over his head for ignoring Deku was heavy. But he had no time to feel such things.

Once inside the safety of his dorm he drops down. Resting his head against the wall he takes a large breath, covering his eyes with the back of his hands to ground himself.

He was losing everyone. He lost Kiri, lost the ‘’squad’’ and now he was sure he’d lose the nerd. He wished so desperately that he could turn it off, stop himself from feeling remorse when he hurts them.

It made their departure so much easier.

But as he sat there the more he spiraled. The more his mind started to take over, his thoughts started to clog. He was lonely, and alone. And that is how he would continue to live the longer he put this front up. The longer he kept his walls tight around him.

But how else was he supposed to live? He had been surviving like this for so long breaking such a strict habit would take weeks, months—hell years even. And even if he did want to change, could he?

His heart ached, hands shaking against his messy blonde strands. His body rocked, back and forth. Over and over again to try and calm his shaky nerves.

Stupid.

He was so stupid.

When would it end? When would he finally be at peace?

It was so tiring. Fighting to be the best only to feel like the absolute worst no matter how hard he’d try. Battling against the harsh comments he received almost daily. If they weren’t coming from his mother then he heard it from his classmates. It was a cruel reminder that he wasn’t enough. He wasn’t good, he was bad. He was nothing more than a villain in the work.

But he didn’t want to become a villain. He wanted to be a hero. A hero like All might. He wanted to be the best one yet. He wanted to help others—protect those like him. Show that someone as emotionally distraught can be so much more than what others make him out to be. But it was getting harder as the days passed. He was losing the battle against himself. And those against him were winning. He was so tired.

‘’H-hurts..” he whispered aloud, head pounding while his thoughts only continued to spiral. He felt like he was really losing his mind. He was going in and out of mindsets. His smaller side coming back, protecting him from those angry emotions. He was slipping, alone, again. He hated it. He craved the soft touch of his care taker. The gentle words of praise, affirmation and guidance. He just wanted to be soothed into a restful nap.

Without even thinking of the consequences that would come from little Katsuki’s actions he stood. Stumbling out his door with a shaky breath. His vision was tunneling, heart pounding the more he walked. Eyes focused only on one door down the hall—Zuku’s.

Knock.

He knocked again, and then again until the door very slowly creaked open. And there he stood, to the little he truly looked like an angel with the way the light reflected on his green curls.

His savior.

“Z-Zuzu..” he whined, voice growing higher yet softer all in the same breath. And then those tears started, his hiccups forcing their way out.

For a moment all Izuku could do was stare. After nearly three weeks of being ignored and avoided completely. The last thing he expected was to see Kacchan at his door, regressed. But he moved quickly, snapping into it as soon as he saw those glasses tears dribbling down his cheeks.

‘’Oh angel..” he whispered very softly, reaching out to take the other’s trembling hand. He guided him inside, shutting the door behind them. One step at a time they made their way to sit down on his messy but comfy bed. Izuku was gentle, wrapping the blankets around Katsuki’s shaky form.

‘’I-I..h-hurt Zuzu..m-mad at me.” Katsuki whispered, rubbing his eye with a closed fist, hiccuping on his growing tears. And if Izuku’s heart didn’t break earlier it surely did now. Of course he was upset when Kacchan broke his nose, it hurt. But he was never angry. He knew the others explosive anger stemmed from something else. Anger was nothing more than a cover for the underlying emotion. A way to cover up what one was truly feeling.

‘’No..no, lovebug. I’m not mad, not at all. And look!’’ He paused to turn his head side to side, showing that he was truly okay. “It’s all healed up, doesn’t hurt one bit. But..I think a little kiss from my angel might completely heal it?” It was a stretch, one he wasn’t sure Kacchan would take. They had their boundaries of course, and before their small fight he was just slowly starting to add soft cheek kisses into their night routine. Something the little adored. He’d poke his cheek out just to feel the other’s lips on his skin before he closed his eyes.

Kastsuki’s eyes lit at that, he could do that. He could heal Izuku! So without a second thought he leaned forward pressing his soft but dampened lips against the others nose bridge with a tiny ‘hmph’.

‘’Whoa! It’s all better!” Izuku cheered making the blonde gasp and cheer with him. The greenette took the time to clean the little face, free him of the sticky tear tracks. He then helped to remove his shoes and help him get even more comfortable.

And when Katsuki reached his arms out for Izuku he was quick to oblige. Settling down beside him, guiding the little into his warm arms.

He missed this. He missed holding Kacchan in his arms, he cherished every second spent with the smaller. He hoped that maybe one day he could do this with the older Kacchan as well.

But that was wishful thinking. He was content even if things stayed the way they were. Just being able to stay by his side like this was enough.

‘’You’re my little cuddle bug aren’t you?” He teased, tickling the blonde’s sides earning soft laughs from the action.

Oh he missed him so much.

‘’Zu! Tickles!” He chirped, wriggling in his arms, a giant smile on his face.

Both boys felt content. It seemed both needed each other after such a hard few weeks. And instead of focusing on why those things happened, why he was hurt and why Katsuki pushed away they focused on the now. They laid in each other’s arms, making shadow puppets, playing i-spy and a few hours later they decided to color.

Luckily Izuku still had some snacks left behind, making sure Katsuki was well fed and nourished when they were together.

‘’I-I’m sorry for hurting you zu..” Katsuki whispered after a few minutes of picking at his pretzel sticks. Izuku froze, hearing Kacchan apologize—whether it be at a smaller age or not. Was not normal, but it meant so much to him. His heart ached, eyes nearly watering at his sweet words.

‘’Oh sweetheart..it’s okay. I promise. Thank you for apologizing though, that’s very big of you.” He sat down beside him, tugging the other to rest against his side while his hands focused on playing with his blonde locks. Kacchan seemed happy at that, nuzzling into his side, finishing his snacks.

After weeks of hiding alone, he was finally able to breathe again. Katsuki could breathe again.

He just hoped it could last.

Chapter Text

‘’Whoa that looks great!” Izuku praised, setting the paper down reaching out for the next one coming his way. Little Katsuki had drawn him a handful of colorings during their quiet time. A scheduled break they both enjoyed. It gave Katsuki time to eat his snack and focus on calming down after a long hour of playing with his dolls or watching a few All Might episodes.

‘’Mm..I wan’ draw Moss an’ Zuzu!” Katsuki replies, scooting in closer until his bag was resting against the greenette leg. Going right back to drawing yet another coloring for the caregiver to keep. Izuku was happy like this, content to be close to Kacchan no matter what the reason may be.

And besides he wanted the night to be an easy one. Tomorrow he and Kacchan had plans to talk, something the older headspace Katsuki dreaded. So he made sure every activity lifted the younger spirit. He cut little shapes into his apple slices and added chocolate chips to keep the smile on his face. Hoping it would give the blonde something to feel even the smallest bit happy over in the morning. Something to ease his mind.

‘’Look! Moss!” He leans down at the littles request, smiling at the adorable sight. His drawings were always a little messy, the colors being dragged out of the lines. But for some reason that made Izuku’s heart melt even more.

‘’He looks great buddy, you’re doing such a good job!” His hand moved down to ruffle the spikes, threading his fingers through the soft blonde hair. An act he came to learn that Kacchan loved. He would practically melt into his touch. Katsuki only giggled at his words, learning against him while he colored in the background.

His heart was full, head full of nothing but his caregiver and the small green rabbit sitting in his lap. The smaller never felt so content. Especially not after the past few weeks. he went from drowning to feeling as if he were standing on top of the earth.

The night passed quickly, the little being tucked into his soft blankets as soon as his eyes began to droop. Izuku sat on the edge of the bed, reading him their usual book until the blonde drifted to sleep. And then with a soft kiss to his forehead he was left alone to dream until the sun rose.

The next morning was a gloomy one. Rain pattered against the glass windows walking Katsuki from his peaceful slumber. His eyes cracked open with a tiny huff, arms jutting out to stretch above his head with a tiny whine. He took his time, sliding his uniform on without another thought. Izuku’s plan of calming the other in his older headspace seemed to have worked. He felt well-rested, a bit fuzzy. His mood seemed to be stable for now, even with knowing their plans for later on in the afternoon. Something he was dreading, though even with all that fear he felt too calm to really worry.

Everything passed, and before he knew it he was heading to lunch. His morning classed breezed right by. He never felt so clam in his life. Sure, he put up a front in class. He didn’t need anyone on his case, especially not Aizawa. He was fine, just a bit floaty. Not that he was complaining, it felt better than the usual tense feeling that ran through him.

Deep down he was thankful, Deku took care of him. Even after all those insults and years of torment he took the time to really take care of Katsuki. It made his chest feel all hot and fuzzy. He sat down at his usual table, only no one else sat with him. Not that he cared, he didn’t need anyone else.

He needed to figure out what the hell this chest pain meant. Just what on Earth was causing him to feel so funny at the thought of Deku.

‘Why does my chest feel funny every time I’m around classmate?’

‘’Ten signs you have a crush..?” He spoke aloud, though it was as soft as a mouse. His cheeks inflamed, fingers shaking at the results. A crush?

No way in hell was it a damn crush. He hated the bastard, hating just the sight of him. Yet the more he scrolled the more he felt himself falling, spiraling quickly. Why did the symptoms seem to match up? Why was it all answering every single question he had. He wasn’t gay—or anything at all. He never felt anything for another person. Let alone Deku.

But you look for him no matter where you go.

You feel a tingle rush down your spine when your hands touch.

You can’t sleep peacefully until he tucks you in with a kiss at night.

You search for his praises after every match.

No.

No. No. He was not in love with fucking Deku. With a growl he shoves his tray back, not touching a single grain on his tray. He couldn’t think, let alone eat. He was overwhelmed. Too overwhelmed to be here, to be surrounded by loud sounds and obvious laughter. Not when it felt like the ground was being pulled out from under him. And he especially did not need to be anywhere near Deku.

So he ran, his chest tightening with every breath he took. It was all too much, way too much for him to completely understand let alone comprehend. His head was pounding, too many thoughts going through him all at once. It was too much.

Too much.

You can’t be in love.

You’re not even worthy of love.

He turned the sharp corner, smacking into a hard chest.

Again, why did he always do this?

His head tilts, eyes locking onto the tall figures. Someone he hadn’t spoken to let along fully look at in nearly a month. Eijirou.

‘’Oh..sorry man.” The other apologized, a fake smile trying as hard as it could to cover his face. But Katsuki was not idiot, especially not when it came to the other. He knew the act he put up whenever he was upset. He just never thought it would be used towards him. He felt weak, even weaker than before. With thoughts of his supposed crush while standing in front of someone he holds dear to his heart was overwhelming. his brain ached, that smaller side trying to run to cover aid. To protect him from such scary and new emotions.

‘’Kiri..” he whispered, fingers digging into his the rips on the hem of his uniform. His heart was racing, when he felt smaller the other could seem so much more intimidating. Especially when his smile never quite reached his eyes. And his sharp teeth made the smaller even more nervous than usual.

‘’Sorry, didn’t see you.” He was trying to avoid him again, now if Katsuki wasn’t feeling so small and terrified he would’ve cursed him off, pushed past him and continued to pretend like his presence didn’t cause him to ache. But in this mindset it was all so much harder, he looked so soft—protective to his little mind. Someone he could run to if needed.

He moved, the readhead scooting past him with a grimace. He knew he hated him, Katsuki knew that. But he couldn’t let him go—no matter how hard he tried to fight it.

‘’W-Wait..’’ he whispered once more, reaching out tugging on the others rolled up sleeve with the strength he had left. Which wasn’t much, not when he was like this. He tried to hard to fight it, he hated how weak he had become. The second he felt overwhelmed or overstimulated his brain just switched off. It wasn’t normal he knew this, and he was terrified the other would notice.

‘’What?” Eijirou sounded tired, and he had the right to be. Katsuki hurt him, but he was trying to fix it. He couldn’t let his chance go, not again. His eyes welled, heart pounding so fast it hurt. His chest ached, a tiny hiccup threatening to escape him the second he looked up and their eyes met. He knew he looked a mess. His eyes were red rimmed, cheeks a dusty pink from his oncoming emotions.

‘’J-Just..let me talk to you.” He spoke aloud, his voice shaking with every syllable he got out. Tears threatening to fall the longer he held them in.

‘’I’m good..I need to eat Bakugo..” the red-head replied, trying to tug his arm loose. His desperation only grew, he couldn’t lose him—not him too.

Zuzu said apologizes are the best thing to do when you mess up.

‘’I-I’m so—“ he was cut off again, the others arm trying to tug its way out of his grip yet again. The strength of it caused the little to fall forward, chin knocking into the rough chest in front of him. Footsteps could be heard coming from behind. He was losing time, he was going to lose him once and for all.

He couldn’t help it, tears fell. His grip loosened and tightened he was losing against his emotions. And because of it he was slipping even further into the back of his mind.

He was shutting down. This never happened. Katsuki never let this side of him take over his life. But the past few months have been nothing like before. He went through so many different emotions it was no wonder it was hard to control it.

‘’Kacchan! There you are—‘’ Deku—Zuzu was behind him. But things were growing fuzzy, his tears fell one after the other. He lost control.

‘’K-Kiri..d-don’t..g-go..” his breathing was erratic, face damp and sticky with the amount of tears falling down. The world around him fell dead to his ears. Whether Eijirou heard him or not he didn’t know. All he knew was it was silent, fuzzy and cold.

Soft familiar hands came from behind, gently easing him off the other until he was nestled against the smooth he and warm chest.

Izuku saw him drifting from reality, his eyes were glazing over.

Shit.

He quickly removed him from Kirishima’s arm though he didn’t let the other scoot past him. Not that he was trying to, not after the sight he saw. It was rare that anyone saw Kacchan cry, even he had to grow used to it himself. He knew he had questions.

‘’What the fuck was that?” He cursed, running a hand through his spikey yet messy hair. He knew Kirishima was still upset, Kacchan hurt him. But that didn’t mean he was allowed to be cruel to the other.

‘’Just..give him a second. Look..we need to talk. It’s time you stop avoiding it all together. Kacchan is trying so now it’s your turn to do the same.” Kirishima huffed at that, crossing his arms over his chest. Though by the look on his face he agreed. Eijirou missed him, yes it hurt so badly to have your insecurity thrown back in your face by a best friend. But he didn’t want to run, not when they could fix it.

‘’Alright..we can talk in my room it’s the closest.’’ Izuku agreed at that. And with gentle coaching he guided Kacchan down the hall, whispering soft praises into is ear the further they walked. All while Kirishima watched close by, a million questions running through his head. But he paid no attention, not when the little needed him.

The door was shut behind them, Izuku helping him to sit down, pushing his messy strands back using his sleeves to very gently clean away the tears.

‘’it’s okay sweetheart..it’s okay. Let’s take a deep breath and then all three of us can talk.” Katsuki inhaled deeply at that, eyes scanning the room until they met Kirishima’s and a whine left him.

‘’K-Kiri..m-mad..I t-try..try to s-say sowwy..” he whimpered, throwing his face back into the hiding place he found the safest: the crook of Izuku’s neck.

‘’What..?” Kirishima mumbled, looking even more confused than before. “Is he under a quirk? Why is he acting like that.” With a quick glare from Izuku he shut up, Kacchan only whimpered even more at the comment from the other.

‘’Give him a second to calm down and then I’ll answer all the questions you have. But just be quiet until then.” His voice was stern, he did not need Kacchan to slip even further.

He just hoped the two of them could talk it out.

Chapter Text

‘’So he regresses..to cope with whatever is going on in his head?” Eijiro speaks slowly, back pressed against the wall while his arms were crossed over his chest. Clearly he was trying to absorb every bit of information being thrown his way—Izuku could tell it was confusing him. Not that he blamed him for that, he was lost at first too. It’s not an easy subject and not something everyone can understand.

‘’Yes. And right now he regressed, for whatever reason I have my guesses. But when he’s like this it’s important that he is taken care of. I can’t imagine how scary it is for him to deal with this alone—let alone in front of someone he cares so deeply for.” Kirishima scoffed at that, he didn’t think the blonde truly cared about him.

That’s the effect of Katsuki. He pushed everyone away, keeping his distance. Caring for them from far away—it was some sort of safety net. Something he did to protect himself. Only he was hurting those around him by doing so.

Hearing Kirishima scoff sent the little into another spiral. A weak whimper leaving him while he pressed in closer. He was mad, the red head was mad. He kept messing up.

Bad Katsuki.

‘’Z-Zu..Zu..’’ his voice cracked, shaky hand reacting outwards for support. Something he very rarely did. Izuku knew he was spiraling, and fast. Clearly overwhelmed and terrified to upset Kirishima any longer.

‘’You know he cares about you. You know him. Just..for one time can you put your feelings aside and care about his? He isn’t in the right headspace to deal with this, not right now. So put on your big boy pants and apologize.’’ He snapped, cradling Katsuki’s head to his shoulder, rocking him side to side. The red-head straightened at that, eyes softening with guilt.

Izuku wasn’t wrong and he knew that. Yes he was hurt, but so was Bakugo. And now was not the time to focus on anything but that.

‘’You’te right..” he moves slowly, kneeling down infront of Izuku with a weak smile. From here Bakugo looked even smaller, his cheeks were damp. Eyes a bit glazed and red. He looked upset, his lower lip jutted out in a wobbly pout. ‘’I’m sorry buddy. I’m not mad at you I promise.” He spoke softly but stern, confident in his words. Because he wasn’t mad at little Bakugo.

He wasn’t sure if he was even mad at the other at all.

‘’N-not mad..?” Katsuki’s voice came out shaky, even softer than usual. His eyes locked with Eijiro’s, heart racing at the contact.

‘’Not mad.’’ He replied, giving him another warm smile. He moves to sit down in-front of the pair, making sure to leave some space in between to keep the other comfortable. Eijiro didn’t know much about regression, however he had been around enough children to have a clue about how to act. He used to babysit his neighbors children on the weekends, so learning their behavior patterns and techniques to help an upset child really helped him in moments like this.

‘’How about we clean up your messy cheeks and then we can watch some All-Might?” Izuku was the first to break the silence, brushing his thumb across the little’s sticky cheek. Katsuki peered up at him with a tiny sniffle, nodding slowly and carefully. Still on high alert, though he was slowly coming down. His shoulders were relaxing, fingers slowly losing their tight grip.

‘’O-Otay..w-wif Kiri..?” He asks carefully, peeking at the other once he spoke. And Eijiro swore he felt his heart ache, he never heard him speak so softly before. He looked so different yet all the same. And it made his heartache.

‘’Yeah I’m sure Kiri will love to watch with us, right?” Eijiro looks at Izuku then down at his best friend with a toothy grin, nodding his head.

‘’Of course! I love All-Might..almost as much as red riot!” He proclaimed, laughing softly at Bakugo’s nose crinkle upon the mention of Red Riot.

‘’All mig’ is the best..wan watch him now Zuzu.’’ He spoke, sitting up just a bit straighter to look at his caregiver.

‘’Remember patience sweetheart. Let’s get you cleaned up and comfy. Kirishima, I’m gonna take him back to his room, get yourself collected and meet us there if you really mean it..if you know about this I need you to either be by his side of stay away. He deserves nothing but care when it comes to this.” His words were stern. He meant it. If Kirishima couldn’t stay or felt anyway negatively about it he would need to leave.

He stands, collecting Bakugo into his arms helping him to stand. And with that the pair were gone leaving Eijiro alone to his thoughts.

He was first confused, he didn’t fully understand it. Not one bit. And a part of him was a bit scared, unnerved. He had never seen Bakugo like this. He didn’t want to mess up, or say the wrong thing. But even though he was confused he couldn’t just drop his friend. Not like this. And not after everything. So he stood, taking a deep breath.

Doing the manly thing he gathered some blankets and extra snacks he had been saving hurrying down to Bakugo’s dorm. A place he hadn’t been in weeks. He was nervous, since Bakugo was in a much smaller headspace he had to be careful. His emotions were most likely all over the place and overwhelming. The last thing he wanted to do was trigger another breakdown. He was sure Izuku would kill him then.

He knocks softly, the door opening soon after. He could hear the opening credits to the cartoon playing in the background.

‘’I’m glad you came.’’ Izuku spoke, giving a soft smile closing the door behind them. Sitting in the middle of the floor nestled in many blankets sat little Bakugo. A stuffed bunny sitting in his lap watching the computer screen just like the little. His hair had been pushed back by tiny clips, cheeks all clean and clothes swapped into the comfiest clothes Eijiro thinks he’d ever seen. The pastel colors brought out Bakugo’s snow like completion.

He was adorable.

‘’Hey buddy! I brought some snacks if that’s okay.” He sat down beside him, again leaving some space until the little was more comfortable. Bakugo glanced his way, biting his lower lip hugging the bunny even tighter at the new presence.

Katsuki knew Eijiro, but little Katsuki would have to warm up to him, especially after weeks of being so sure he was unwanted.

‘’Who’s this?” Eijiro asked, glancing down at the soft bunny.

‘’M-Moss..Moss is f-friend.” He stuttered out, cheeks dusting a soft pink at the other’s attention. He was always a bit bashful when small like this.

‘’Nice to meet you moss! I’m Kirishima, I hope we can be friends.” Hearing those words Katsuki giggled, waving the stuffed bunny’s arm up to say hi back. From the bed Izuku smiled softly, he was worried. But seeing that Kirishima stepped up for the other gave him some hope. At least for tonight. He had no idea how bigger Katsuki would take this. his regression was something he was secretive about—and extremely embarrassed of. He could only imagine how he would try to run, push everyone away.

Katsuki focused back on the screen, smiling up at his caregiver when he noticed him sit down on his left side, ruffling the blonde’s messy strands. His heart rate was slowing down, the once erratic pattern was finally going away. He felt like he was drowning before, but luckily now he felt as if he could breathe again. Only when he glanced Eijiro’s way did he feel it stutter again. He was nervous, he knew the other was a stranger—to his smaller self—he had never been around him like this before. He wasn’t sure if he could relax completely or if he should be on high alert.

‘’Here, let’s open these up for you.” Eijiro was the first to break the silence, carefully open the plastic bag of freeze dried fruits holding them out for Izuku to take—not sure if Bakugo ate on his own. The greenette smiled softly at that, the other was being so considerate. No doubt he was nervous about it all, but he was doing a good job of containing that so the little wasn’t aware.

‘’Berries!” He chriped, bouncing in place opening his mouth for Izuku to place the small piece in between his lips with a. Tiny hum. He chews slowly, looking over at Eijiro with a toothy grin once he swallowed.

‘’Tanks!”

Maybe shark teeth man is nice.

Izuku seemed to trust him, and he knew nothing bad would happen to him as long as he had his caregiver by his side. He was his safest person, and if anyone was allowed in then they must be safe too.

Eijiro was frozen at his words, he looked so happy—a side of Bakugo he very rarely ever saw. A million questions rang through his head. But the biggest was wondering why he was like this. What caused him to regress? And how could he have kept this a secret for so long?

‘’You’re welcome buddy.” He replied a few seconds later, giving back a grin getting comfortable on the floor while they continued onto the next episode. Things fell quiet again, the comfortable kind of silence. Only every so often would it break by the littles soft laughter. The crinkle of the snack bag or a tiny hiccup from eating.

It felt strangely comforting, and Katsuki enjoyed every second of it. It calmed his nerves, made him feel extra fuzzy and small. he felt himself lowering deeper and deeper into his safe space nestled in the back of his brain. He was letting his brain protect him, keep him safe from those anxious thoughts. He felt safe to regress, to drift further into the headspace with the two strong men by his side.

‘’Let’s take a tiny nap, I see my little angel has been yawning.” Izuku spoke, startling him just slightly. He hadn’t even realized he started to drift off, he must’ve been so comfortable in headspace. So he just nods, opening his arms up— a silent way of asking Izuku to lift him. And he did just that, helping him into bed.

‘’Get some rest sweetheart..we’ll stay here by your side.” He spoke even softer, his thumb caressing the blondes soft cheeks until his breathing evened out. After a few more minutes of blissful silence Izuku glanced back at Kirishima.

‘’he’ll wake up either still in headspace or older. You need to know Kacchan will run, he’ll curse at you and try to avoid the topic. But we can’t let him leave..there’s no telling what he’ll do or how he’ll react to this. He never wanted anyone to find out about his..especially not you.”

Eijiro takes a deep and shaky breath, nodding slowly. “I understand..well as best as I can. But if he agrees..and doesn’t hate me after this. I want to help..I can’t imagine how hard it’s been for him. It’s time I start showing up for him..’’ and he meant it. Just how many years did this go unnoticed? How many nights did Bakugo lie awake stuck in this headspace—lonely and afraid? how hard was it to conceal such a big part of yourself? So many nights Eijiro took all the others attention when Bakugo could’ve needed help the most.

‘’We’ll see..we can try. That’s all we can do. But it’s up to Kacchan whether he wants to take our hand or not.” 

That’s all they can do, keep hoping and praying that Bakugo would let them in. Accept help from others.  

Chapter Text

’Kacchan..let’s breathe.” Izuku spoke firmly, hands held out in front of him with his shoulder squared up. Katsuki sat against the wall, eyes shining with anger. He had woken only ten minutes ago—rembering the night before and he snapped. Whether it was from the embarrassment or hatred towards himself for regressing he wouldn’t know. All he knew was Eijiro saw him like that, now two people knew of his defect.

He wanted to run, to hide to claw himself out of his skin. He felt so embarrassed, naked almost.

‘’Fuck off..!” His voice cracked, eyes watering much to his discomfort. He hated this.

‘’Come on man, it’s just us. We don’t care—really it’s okay!” Eijiro tried to chime in but a quick glare from Katsuki shut him up. To the blonde they were still on rough terms, sure he cared for him when he was smaller but would he do the same in his bigger headspace? Realistically he knew deep down, yes. It was Eijiro, but his fears were so much louder than logic.

‘’Fuck you.” He hissed, palms smoking as his anxiety grew and grew. If he didn’t calm down he’d end up exploding something and right now Eijiro’s face looked pretty tempting.

‘’’Kacchan!” Deku gasped, moving to sit down in front of him, blocking the readhead from view. “I know you’re upset and I know it’s hard..but we aren’t here to judge you. Just take a deep breath.” The blonde tried to look away, to ignore his fluttering chest and burning ears. They were too close and the reminder of his discovery from yesterday was hot on his mind.

He does not have a damn crush.

‘’Look at me Kacchan..don’t push us out.” Deku whispered, brows furrowed. His voice was shaken, he had no idea if he’d be blasted away or yelled at. And for some reason that bothered Katsuki. He hated being known for his violent and angry behavior. Was that all people saw in him? Could anyone ever see him differently.

Is he really that horrible?

He took a deep breath, lifting his gaze from the ground to look at Deku. His stupid green eyes seemed to sparkle.

‘’Just spit it out then.”

‘’We want to both help you. I want to help you Kacchan. You can’t keep doing this on your own, and thats okay. It’s okay to reach out for help, especially when it comes to this.” Deku spoke first, his voice firm, no longer shaking like before. That’s how he knew he was serious. But why? Why did he care so much for Katsuki’s well being. Especially when it came to his regression.

‘’I know..I know we haven’t gotten to talk. But I’m sorry for being so childish, for not checking on you rather than acting like the victim. And I’ll take as long as I need to make it up to you and prove that I am sorry and I’m not that shit of a friend.” Eijiro spoke next, twiddling with his fingers as he spoke.

Did he mean it?

‘’You were childish. You shut me out shitty hair. You ignored me, discarded me. And it hurt.” He spoke after a few minutes of silence. He never spoke about his feelings like this before, but they just fell out, his brain wouldn’t allow him to keep it in. Not when it came to Eijiro. ‘’I thought you of all people would understand my behavior..but you didn’t. just like everyone else you left me.” His voice grew softer, teeth digging into his lower lip. His brain felt the fuzz again, though he wouldn’t allow himself to fall—not right now. He needed to get a grip on it.

‘’I’m sorry..I’m so sorry Bakugo.” Eijiro whispered hoarsely, scooting forward holding his hand out—unsure whether he could or not. But things changed, between all three of them that day.

Now they were closer, they both held such a dire secret. And it terrified Katsuki, one more person to see his messy side. And one more person to potentially destroy him.

It was tiring, so tiring to live in a constant state of fear. Never knowing if his anxious thoughts were real or not. And never knowing just who would turn their back on him.

‘’I need time..this shit isn’t fucking easy for me. I didn’t want either of you to see this..shit. But you did. And you can’t expect me to just be fine and dandy with it.” And it was true, just because they both cared for him didn’t mean he’d magically be okay. Besides, he still struggled with his mental regression, it still terrified him.

Filled him with such heavy guilt he felt as if he was constantly choking on it.

‘’And that’s okay Kacchan, we take it one day at a time. All at your pace. If you get overwhelmed and want us to go away we will. If you want one of us, we’ll come. Whatever you want.” Deku spoke softly, very gently resting his hand over Katsuki’s clenched one causing shivers to run down his spine.

It felt so nice.

This felt so nice.

Unsafe.

Scary.

And it was, he never felt such a gentle touch before. Such sweet care in his life. Could he really trust it? Could he let them in?

He wondered that for the next week, passing through each day like a hollow ghost. The first few days were rough, specifically with Eijiro. His feelings for Deku were shoved down, well as best as they could be. Every glance or small brush sent a rush of euphoria down his spine.

When did he have such feelings? And why coulnd’t he get rid of them. A part of him wanted to run to his mother, beg her for answers. Deep down he knew he couldn’t love another—he was undeserving. But another part wanted to keep them, they were almost addicting.

‘’Hey man, mind if I sit here?” He looks up, Eijiro stood above him holding his tray with a tiny smile. Things were still tense, but he wasn’t being rushed and he was silently grateful for that.

‘’Whatever..” he mumbled in return, going back to picking at his rice. His appetite was little to none today. But he was trying, the smaller part of him knew Deku didn’t like it when he skipped meals.

Did he even deserve to eat?

He stared ahead for another few minutes, poking and ripping apart his lunch with a tired sigh. Truthfully he was exhausted both mentally and physically. It was so hard to let someone in, especially when it came to something like this. He had no idea how to feel or what to believe.

‘’Want some sour candy?” Eijiro spoke suddenly, causing him to flinch at the sound. His eyes glanced towards the other, brows furrowed at his question.

‘’What?”

‘’Sour candy, it can help if you’re stressed or..just need something sweet.” He mumbled, ears turning red the longer Katsuki stared at him. It made the blondes inside churn, things were weird—and they’d be for a while. But if he didn’t start trying then he might actually push red away. And deep down, he didn’t want that.

‘’Sure..whatever.” He held out his hand with a grumble, rolling his eyes with a tiny chuff. The candy is placed in the palm of his hand, already unwrapped and ready to be eaten. He places it on his tongue, crinkling his nose at the overwhelming flavor.

‘’Whoa it’s sour right!” Eijiro laughed, and for once he didn’t feel like the other was laughing at him rather he knew he was laughing with him. His lip twitched upwards, head shaking in response. It was sour, it made his jaw ache and his eyes twitch. But he was never one to give up so he continued to suckle on the candy until the sweet lemon flavor poked through.

‘’I swear my tongue was about to fall off!” Eijiro had always been a bit dramatic, but it was endearing to Katsuki, and in this moment it got him out of his head. instead of focusing on the ‘what if’s’ he focused on the now, just the now.

‘’What did you give Kacchan?” Came a voice from behind, startling the pair.

Deku.

His chest fluttered, eyes locking onto the greenette’s form the moment he sat down. He missed him, go she could not believe he was admitting that to himself. But he missed him, he found himself searching the cafeteria for him. And after not finding him after the third sweep his chest filled with disappointment.

He needed to drop this crush as soon as possible. Or hide it until it went away on its own.

He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be.

‘’Sour candy! Want some?” He went back to zoning in and out, picking up on their conversation every so often.

‘’Oh thats awful!” Deku shrieked, leaning into Katsuki’s side while he writhed in pain, flapping his hands while Eijiro was holding onto the table laughing so loud it echoed.

All eyes were on them but it seemed that only the blonde took notice. Too many eyes, and he knew they were judging. Eijiro went from ignoring Katsuki to practically being glued to his side.

What did they know?

They know you don’t deserve him. Either of them.

Monster.

“—Chan.’’

‘’Kacchan!” He was snapped out of it once again, eyes focusing on the many freckles right across from him.

‘’Jesus— can you get any fucking closer.” He grumbled, making sure he moved back before anyone could take notice in his burning cheeks.

‘’Are you good to have us help you pack for tomorrow’s home visit?” He cursed mentally, the week was going so good but of course it had to come to an end. It was time to go home, have a little break before exam season and he was terrified. He hadn’t seen his mother in a while, and god knows what she had in store for him. What was she bottling up saving till he was there to take out on him.

How was she planning to be the victim this time?

‘’Yeah thats fine. But I’m not a baby..I can do shit on my own.’’ He mumbled, pushing his bowl onto EIjiro’s empty tray gathering his things before he stood.

‘’Alright..we’ll meet you up there soon.” At that he turned quickly heading up to his room with a huff. He kept his eyes forward, head held high. He wouldn’t let his classmates get the satisfaction of seeing his true reaction to their hurtful stares. He didn’t need them. And it was clear they didn’t need him.

He took it one step at a time, pressing his back against his door once he made it inside. Being around too many people at once zapped his energy. He felt like he could sleep for hours, years even. But he needed to get ready, he had to prepare himself for the storm that was coming.

A storm called his mother.

Chapter Text

Packing was hard, watching his bags become full with clothes snapped him back to reality. He was going home for the weekend, home to his violent mother. Home to a woman that despised his entire being. He tried to hard to not think about it, stay in the moment. But he was panicking and rightfully so.

‘’Do you want to bring Moss?” Izuku questioned, being careful with his tone— not wanting to set Kacchan off from mentioning something around the topic of regression.

‘’No..don’t need that shit.” He grumbled in reply, focusing on tying up his sneakers for the long trek home. Preventing his brain from thinking of anything but just getting ready.

‘’Alright..’’ Izuku mumbled, slipping the bunny into his back pocket, just Incas the other happened to need it. If anything the pair lived just a few houses down from each other. If he needed him, he would make it there in a heartbeat.

‘’Whoa man look!’’ Eijiro broke the silence by leaning in, shoving his screen in Katsuki’s direction making him watch yet another dumb video of a cat doing something stupid. The blonde didn’t care but he was trying to work on his attitude especially with Eijiro. So he just scoffs, not making any move to shove him away.

‘’Okay! Everything is ready to go, looks good.” The nerd knelt down beside the pair, giving a tiny smile. Katsuki only nodded in reply, standing up grabbing the handle of his bag slinging it over his shoulder with a ting grunt. He wanted to put off going home, find a way to stay. Maybe he could wait until everyone left and camp out in the dorms until Monday arrived. But that couldn’t work his mom was picking him up, and if she noticed his absence she would lose it. Not because she cared about his saftey, no never. But because it would mean she wasted her tie by driving to UA only for his worthless son to be missing. And that sounded even scarier than going.

‘’Right, well let’s head out!” Eijiro stood next, grabbing his own belongings tugging Katsuki to the door. He bit back his bite, he was trying. Trying so hard to not snap, hurt him again. or either of them for that matter. But it was hard, years of being one way wasn’t going to just be magically fixed in one day. It was going to take months, years even. He just had to hope they were patient enough to wait until then.

‘’Do you have everything for the weekend Kacchan?” Deku questioned once more once they were halfway down the hall, checking him over discreetly. Knowing Kacchan didn’t like being worried over.

‘’Yep..I got it all. You both can go now..I’ll be fucking fine.’’ He cursed, running his fingers through the back of his messy locks. Deku and Eijiro both glanced at each other before nodding. Silently agreeing to just trust the blonde and not press any further. The last thing they wanted was to accidentally set him off.

‘’Alright...well we’ll see you Sunday night!” Eijiro concluded giving a final wave to the pair before heading down the steps, pushing the glass door open rushing to his moms who stood waiting. Katsuki stood with a scowl, jealousy running through his veins at the sight alone.

He has two loving mothers while Katsuki wasn’t even given one.

‘’You okay to be on your own?” Deku questioned, moving a bit closer once the pair were left alone. He took a deep breath at that. Swallowing the urge to say no. He didn’t want to be alone, or even go home. He wanted to be surrounded by safety. But he knew better than to admit to weakness. He had to go home or else all hell would break loose. And the last thing he wanted was to prolong his punishment. He rather just rip it off like a bandaid and get it over with.

‘’I’m fucking fine. Just go, nerd. Auntie Inko is staring holes into the back of your head. She missed you.” He mumbled, glancing away from her burning gaze.

She probably hates that her son is so close to a monster.

I know.

‘’Alright, I’ll see you on Monday Kacchan!’’ He hurries off soon after, his wide smile creating another gash in the blondes heart. He already missed his presence.

Hours passed, his mother was running late. Typical really. She’d put off picking her monster of a son up for as long as she could without getting in trouble by the school for possible neglect. And when her blue car did pull up he felt even sicker than before. He already missed Deku’s stupid smile, his strong hold and his warm embrace.

‘’Let’s get this shit over with..” he spoke quietly to himself gathering his beaten up bag making the first few steps into the portal to his hell.

Drip.

Drip.

Hot liquid ran down his forehead, covering his vision for a matter of seconds before he lifted his aching hand to swipe it away. Not even bothering to look down and assess what was covering his digits. He knew what it was, and how it became that.

‘’-ad guy-‘’

‘’-elfish-‘’

His head hurt, his bones ached. He felt dizzy and cold but he was also overly warm. Sweating even. Which he was always warm but he felt too warm. Goosebumps littered his arms, causing his lower lip to quiver.

‘’Are you even listening to me?!” her voice shook the ground, red eyes glaring down at his form that sat hunched on the ground. When did he make it to the floor? What even happened?

All he remembered was getting in the car and making it home. He set his things down, went to make his way towards his bedroom. She must’ve asked for something, or commented on his appearance but he didn’t remember. Did he ignore her? Block her out?

No. She was upset and he wasn’t able to make her feel better, his presence alone made her emotions drop even further. She put all of the responsibility on him. He had to make her feel better, but it was a trap. She hated him, everything about him. So no matter how he tried, whether it be by making dinner, cleaning the home staying silent. Getting into the closet on his own terms, it would never be enough. It was her excuse to hurt him, to lash out and punish him over and over again. Because nothing he ever did would be good enough.

His neck craned back, left eye sealed shut by swelling. He looked at her with hardly any emotion in his eyes. He felt tired, drained. ‘’What..?” He finally slurred in response, head dipping back until it knocked against the doorframe keeping him upright.

‘’Fucking hell Katsuki. I asked you simple questions! You don’t ever listen to me do you?! Your teacher called, said you were spacing out. Spending more time with your classmates. And your math scores dropped. You have an A minus!”

Was he ever good enough for anyone? He tried so damn hard.

‘’I..had to tutor them. Get more credits that way..” he breathed out in response, grouting when her claws reach down to grab at his bloodied locks.

‘’Fix those damn grades Katsuki. How are you going to get anywhere in life if you’re failing? Do you really think you can become a hero like this? I won’t let it happen. You know very well I can easily pull you from this. Send you away until you have to start truly living like the villain you are.’’

And she meant it. She had the power to take away everything. Within a matter of seconds. And that terrified him. So all he could do was admit defeat and promise he’d fix it. He’d ignore those around him, he’d behave.

He was sent to bed soon after. Of course he wouldn’t sleep, not until his wounds were cleaned and covered. Not that he would be able to sleep. Not like this. It took another hour just to clean the cut that stretched along his forehead and another to change into new clothes. His bones ached, he couldn’t lift his arms without crying out in pain.

He was getting weaker he used to be able to handle more hits than this. But with the lack of nutrients, decline in sleep it was no wonder he was losing steam. Mentally and physically he was falling behind. God he felt so pathetic, so fucking pathetic.

I’m tired.

I’m so tired.

He felt his eyes burn, his lip shake. His head was fuzzy, spiraling trying to keep him sane, to keep him safe and in a place much better than this. He felt himself inching back into his brain, going further. and further back into the abyss. He was safe here, he could take a break from having full control over his body.

‘’Wan moss..’’ he whispered softly, rubbing his eyes with a closed fist only to squeak in pain. It hurt so bad, it all hurt so bad. Why did his mommy turn to violence for something as simple as a grade dropping? Why did she had to throw glass at him? Leave bruises and dra blood? It scared little Katsuki, he felt scared.

He lifts his head, glancing towards his window with a tiny huff. He wanted out, he wanted Zuzu. He wanted to be safe, far from the true monster he lived with. Far away from all of this. He anted to escape this dreaded reality so bad.

So he did something he never thought he would ever do. He ran. Leaping out of the second story window was dangerous and he landed in a way that caused his ankle to twist and burn. But he didn’t stop there. He as in survival mode, he was itching to find safety.

So he stood, his knees wobbling balance shaky like a newborn fawn. He stumbled through the overgrown grass, stumbling down the sidewalk with a shaking lower lip and tear stained cheeks. He as determined even in this state of mind to find Izuku. He was scared and he wasn’t sure if this as the right thing to do. If older him would be angry once he took control again. He didn’t know. He was just tired, he hurt. He wanted to be held, to be cared for. He made his way up the hidden pathway to his caregiver’s bedroom.

He knew it was’t safe to wake the adults, even if Auntie Inko was kind to her son there as no telling how she;d react to a monster on the other side of the front door. So he walked as close as he could gathering some pine cones and pebbles to throw at the window. The other had to wake, he just had to.

Tap.

Tap.

Izuku woke to a soft noise, he wasn’t the heaviest sleepier so even the smallest of sounds would wake the young teen. It wasn’t windy out—so none of the branches could’ve knocked into his window. But then again, maybe it was a bug or a figment of his own imagination.

Tap.

Thunk.

The second was louder, he stood up quickly. Worried it was an intruder of some sort. He very slowly makes his way to the window, peeking through the mesh curtains with a shaky inhale. He expected the worst, a villain, an animal but never did he expect Kacchan’s small figure. His outline visible thanks to the full moon. He couldn’t see his expression but he knew that spikes hair anywhere. and if he showed up late at night it meant something was seriously wrong.

He moved quickly, rushing down the steps snapping the door open so fast he was terrified he’d rip it clean off its hinges.

‘’Kacchan..!” He gasped, looking him over as best as he could in the darkness. The blonde came forward. Limping he noted. But that wasn’t all, he as crying. His breathing erratic and his hands reaching up towards Izuku in desperation.

‘’Z-Zu..” Cried out Katsuki, not stopping until he was pressed right up against the other. While harsh chest aching sobs echoed all around them. 

But he did it, he made it out.

He found his safe haven.

Chapter Text

It took a few minutes to gather the little into Iuzku’s arms. And it took another extra set of minutes to coax Katsuki inside, promising he was safe there. And of course candy for being a good boy. That had the blonde one creeping inside after his caregiver almost instantly. He trusted Izuku heather he wanted to admit it or not. He knew he as safe, he was the safest here with the freckled friend.

The door to his bedroom was shut soon after, locked just in case his mother woke to any hushed voices. Not that she’d barge in, but just for extra precaution.

‘’Okay angel..let’s sit you down see what we are working with.” He spoke softly, helping the blonde to sit on the soft cushions. Now under his soft fairy lights he was able to get a better look at the wounds. And oh how his heart ached. Along his jaw laid angry marks, almost as if he was grabbed by someone with sharp claws. His forehead looked much worse, a deep slash crawling from his hairline all the way down to his eyelid. Making it hard for the blonde to fully open his left eye.

‘’Oh baby..what on earth happened to you..?” He whispered softly, moving his hand up to very slowly brush a bloodied strand from his forehead causing the other to flinch. A tiny whimper left his lips, shoulders scrunching up at the uncomfortable touch.

‘’G-got…h-huwt..” he whispered in reply, terrified to admit exactly who or what hurt him. Deep down he wanted to cry out her name, beg for help. But even in his regressed state he was swallowed by fear. By years of shoving the abuse down, hardly ever even calling it that. To him this was [punishment he deserved. Not cruel or abusive treatment. it was what he was groomed into believing was the only right option for his mother when she grew angry with him or his existence.

‘’I can see that sweetheart.” Izuku croaked, biting his lower lip to bite back his own growing tears. Who in their right mind would inflict such pain onto another? Was he attacked? Did someone break in—was Auntie okay?

..Auntie..?

There was no telling what was going on. Just hours ago he as fine, they said their goodbyes. Yes he noticed his odd behavior, his anxious stems he caught on years ago. His fingers pulling at the fabric, nails digging into his skin. Or fingers pulling at his ears to soothe himself from his growing thoughts. he just assumed he was nervous to be regressed on his own—as he too blind in reading correctly?

‘’Let me grab my first aid kit, I’ll get you all cleaned up.” He promised, standing up moving as quickly as he could to his attached bathroom. The little whined the second he was alone only that lasted for not even a full minute. He knelt down in front of him, focusing on cleaning each wound before he dressed them in their correct bandages. He made sure to be careful, hardly pressing down or wiping too hard.

‘’You’re doing such a good job angel. After this how about you help me with a few ouchies of my own?” He suggests, helping the little to stay distracted from the pain. And it did the trick, the blonde smiled as best as his swollen lips allowed, nodding his head with a wet and painfully sad hiccup. And the blonde was lucky the gash could be closed with only some butterfly bandages, the rest were thinner cuts, cleaned up and dressed in pale bandages. After each one was pressed down he’d praise him softly, checking to make sure the other had a few minutes to breathe through any discomfort or pain.

‘’There we go my sweet boy, all done.” With the kit set aside he moved to sit down beside him, wrapping the other in his warm embrace until they were both pressed against the headboard. His fingers brushing through his messy locks, soon he’d try to have him shower before bed. It wasn’t good to keep his hair caked in blood.

‘’Let’s rest for a bit, then you can help me. Sound good little prince?” He questioned with a wobbly smile, holding in every single negative emotion he felt. Katsuki peeks up at him with a sniffle, tears continued to slide down. He was overwhelmed and rightfully so. It hurt to be cleaned up, but it hurt even more knowing his own mother did this to him. Knowing he was worthless to someone who was meant to view him as if he were her entire world. Hurt. It hurt so much he could taste the pain, it tasted like metal and copper. Like venom, like hot molten lava flowing through his veins.

‘’Look at me..come on breathe with me. In and out..” Izuku whispered, rubbing soft circles onto his back trying to get the little back to this reality. He knew he was drifting away when his eyes glazed over, became a little dull and zoned out. Katsuki glanced at him after the third attempt of catching his attention. Taking in deep and shaky breaths like he was instructed, hiccuping after each deep one. But he followed through, leaning into the other’s warm touch when he moved in to wipe away each and every fallen tear.

‘’There we go, good boy. You’re doing so good.” He praised, giving a small smile which only seemed to help the blonde even more in calming down.

Zuzu wasn’t mad at him.

Not being a bad boy.

‘’Look how I have.” Katsuki tilts his head back some to see exactly what his caregiver had. And there in his scar covered hand sat Moss. A tiny whine left his throat, hand reaching out desperate to feel the plush’s soft fur.

‘’M-Moss..missed Moss Zuzu..” he whispered even softer curling up against his chest. He continued to breathe in deeply, relishing in the soft touches Izuku gave him. The other was mindful of his bruised head, being careful to not tug on any of the blood covered hair. Knowing if he even accidentally brushed past one it would tug and hurt the smaller.

‘’He missed you too angel, just like me.” Izuku tells him softly, looking down at him with a tight smile. His chest was aching, the pain only grew the longer he held onto him. He had to know what happened—something went wrong. And he needed to know he could protect him.

‘’How about we get you all cleaned up? Your hair is a bit messy.” Katsuki nods at that, though he made no move to get up. In the end Izuku stood, gathering the regressed into his arms being gentle as they made their way into the bathroom. Turning on the bath water with one arm was a bit of a struggle but he did it nontheless. All while Katsuki babbled in his arms, using Moss’s little arms to swing around like the bunny was talking back to him.

‘’Alright how about we leave some shorts on so you can get all cleaned up?” Izuku suggests, setting the blonde onto the soft carpet. Katsuki twiddled his thumbs in thought, he liked baths they were warm. And he trusted that Izuku wouldn’t push him if he said no to getting in. But the baby felt a bit grimy, and Moss could use a clean up too. So he nods his head, lifting his arms up for the other to slide his dirty shirt over his head.

Izuku was careful as he did so, smiling down once he finished. He helped to take off his ripped pants next, leaving on his boxer briefs. He wanted this to be comfortable, peaceful for the other. He knew he needed it.

‘’There we go, now let’s get Moss into his own bath.” Katsuki giggles at that, wobbling to the sink pretending it was filled with warm after and shiny bubbles before he plopped the bunny down into the porcelain sink.

‘’Moss gonna get all cwean Zuzu! Wike me!” He bounced on his heels at that, watching his own tub rise with warm liquid.

‘’That’s right angel! Now..’’ Izuku leans down testing the water. “Perfect temperature for my little prince, come here.” he spoke softly leaning down scooping the little into his arms before he very carefully sat him down.

For the first few minutes Izuku would hum a soft tune, taking his time to clean out all the bloodied mats begging to form. He dipped his head back making sure he got off every small sud being sure to praise him after every small action. He knew it could be a lot for Kacchan, his emotions were still heightened. He waited until they stood out of the bathroom to ask.

Katsuki as wrapped in a soft baby blue towel, toes bare but warm as they dug into the carpet below. He was given new clothes to wear, an All-Might hoodie and the comfiest shorts. Moss rested happily against his chest, soft on his aching hands. He felt so warm, he was engulfed in Izuku’s comforting scent.

He was never taking this off.

‘’Angel I’m going to ask a serious question okay..?” Izuku whispered kneeling down in front of him with a comforting smile. Katsuki gave a nod in reply.

‘’What happened..who or what hurt you?” Katsuki felt his heart race, his mind reeling back his older mindset coming forward and smashing into the younger. both sides were fighting for control yet also trying to flee. It was too much—the question was too much.

What could he say? Who could he say? He couldn’t come clean to the abuse, he was not allowed to. What was done was right—it was right.

But it hurt so much.

It hurt so much.

He wanted to die.

‘’I-I fell..” he tried, looking down at Moss to hold back his growing tears. He knew his lie would be caught. It didn’t look like he simply just fell, Izuku thought. You don’t get those type of injuries from a fall. It wouldn’t explain those hand marks, the nail scratches lining his forearms. So what really happened? And why couldn’t Katsuki come clean. Whatever it was must;ve been hard, and he was empathetic towards that. But fear clogged his mind, he was hurt and he had no idea why or how. He needed to know.

‘’Sweetheart..did you fall on your own or were you pushed..?” He questioned next, very gently he takes the others hands sitting down guiding the other to make his way onto his lap. Katsuki, even in his fear stricken mind he sat down, pressing his head down onto the greenette soft shoulder. He inhaled a shaky breath at the question, he had to think carefully. But his brain was small, trying to think logically was hard at the age he regressed to. He was so young, all he wanted to do was cry out for help, cry for his mother. Cry in the arms of his hero, begging for a way out. He was in pain and that was all his brain could truly understand.

‘’I-I fell..j-just me no one else.” He sobbed, hiccuping on those messy tears. His hands curled into Izuku’s shirt, tugging at the fabric to ground himself.

‘’Oh angel..it’s okay. It’s okay..you’re safe here. No one can hurt you, and no one will again..but I need to know in order to keep you safe.” Izuku promised, cupping the back of his head holding him even closer. From this angle Katsuki could hear Izuku’s thumping heart. The sound alone doing a good job in calming his nerves. Focusing on the soft thumps had him breathing along.

‘’Z-Zuzu..keep me safes..? Like All might?” He questioned, his voice even softer than usual, clearly something was getting through to him. Izuku needed him to let him in, something was holding him back. But he was getting through, and in his selfish mind he had to keep coaxing him into revealing the truth. But nothing could’ve ever prepared him for it. It was right in front of him all these years, and because of his own foolishness he ignored it. All the obvious signs.

The days Kacchan would skip class, the concealer he would scream was just some stupid shit he put on for his mom’s business. The long sleeves even in the heat of August. How he’d flinch at sudden moves, sudden shouting.

Izuku was sure he would never forget this moment, he would hear those words ringing in his head for the rest of his life.

‘’Y-you can keep me safe from…f-from.. m-mom..?”

Mom.

His mom.

His mother.

Auntie.

But in the silence and the emotions trying to pull him down he knew he needed to remain calm, he had to take care of him and put the smaller first. His own feelings could wait.

‘’Yes, of course. I promise..I’ll keep you safe and far away from her. She’ll never hurt you again. I promise.” Izuku whispered, voice cracking the longer he spoke. But his words seemed to work, Katsuki leaned in, hiccuping on his tears. They continued to fall, but it wasn’t out of sadness or fear. It was relief. For once he felt safe, validated. He felt seen, heard. Something he was not used to. The bandaid was ripped clean off, finally for the first time in his entire life he said her name, he told another of her actions.

He was finally saved.

Chapter Text

The night passed by slowly, Izuku sat upright the entire night. Cradling the blonde against his chest like his life depended on it. And in a way, it did. If the other even had the idea to run or felt unsafe or like he wasn’t safe. There was always that risk that his mother would find him.

Auntie Mistki.

His mind still couldn’t quite comprehend just exactly what he heard only hours prior. How could he have been so blind to the abuse? How many years did he sit back and allow the other to get hurt over and over again? If he had just opened his eyes a little wider he could’ve prevented so many years of misery. His grip tightened, chin moving down to rest against the top of the littles head. Fingers gently brushing along his lower back, tracing small shapes to calm both himself and Kacchan.

‘’Mm..” Katsuki turned, cheek pressing into the other’s warm chest. It felt soothing every time it rubbed against his bruised cheeks. The warmth felt like two strong hands holding his face. Reminding him that he was safe.

Soon the sun rays made small shapes along the white colored wall. It’s beams dancing along the blonde’s raw skin, making his eyes blink open at the intrusion. His mind felt hazy, he was in and out of the regressed mindset. Constantly floating in and out of what was real and what was not. He felt small but big at the same time, it was all very confusing for him so he stayed quiet. Relishing in the warmth and the ever so gently embrace from someone he felt the safest with.

The warmest.

‘’Good morning angel.’’ Came a voice from above. His eyes peeked open once more, head craning back with a soft sigh. He wasn’t fully regressed, so hearing that nickname made his blood curl. He wanted to snap at him., bite his head off like he normally would. but he felt so tired, his bones ached. His mother really did some damage to him.

‘’Not..f-fucking small..” he croaked in return, wining at the sharp pain that came from it.

‘’Ah..sorry, I wasn’t sure. You look a bit..fuzzy.” came hesitantly from Deku. He was lucky Katsuki was in as much pain as he was.

‘’Yeah? And you look like a fucking idiot.” He snapped back, moving to sit up slowly. Very slowly and painfully. It killed his bones to move in any way, he wished he didn’t have to but the position he was in now made his insides churn. They were too close, way too close.

‘’Kacchan..” Deku mumbled with a very soft laugh. The noise made the blondes heart flutter, years ago he only dreamed of hearing Deku make such a sound because of him. After yers of relentless bullying he never assumed they’d be as close as they are now. He wouldn’t be caught saying it aloud but he was grateful.

‘’Why don’t we get cleaned up, I’ll bring some new clothes for you too. I’m sure you want to change.’’ He nodded in reply, pushing himself to sit with a small wince.

Fuck it hurt.

Katsuki waited awkwardly by the bed while Deku gathered new clothes for him. Then he trotted alongside him to the bathroom to get changed. He took his time to pat and dab away at the dried blood that was ignored the night before. The other knew too well what to and not to do when he was regressed. He hated how warm it made his chest feel.

The hoodie slipped over his fluffy hair, encasing him in such a warm embrace he couldn’t move.

It smells like him.

He shakes his head, glancing only once in the mirror. Getting a good look at the damage his mother brought. And boy was he not disappointed. He knew what to expect, the extra slashing were a surprise, she never broke so much skin before. His eyes burned with tears he wouldn’t allow to fall. Not right now at least, not in such a pathetic setting.

He made his way back into the bedroom where the nerd sat comfortably on the bed, now dressed in his day clothes. Bags were under his eyes, no doubt from Katsuki coming in so late.

And from him dropping such shit news onto him.

Abused by Aunt Mistki.

A word he still couldn’t fully swallow or comprehend. He was no victim and he sure as hell wasn’t going to be seen as one. Sure he got knocked up, bruised and bloody. This was nothing. He could handle it and so much more he was sure of it.

‘’We still have to go to classes..I’m sure you won’t dare to miss one day.” Deku spoke after a few minutes of silence. Katsuki scoffed at that, nodding his head in agreement.

‘’Obviously dipshit. Let me use your books today. Your uniform should fit me too. Maybe too short but fuck it.” He mumbled making his way around the nerds room to grab what he needed. He made sure to cover up the button up with the hoodie as soon as he put it over his head. He could ear it a little longer before he had to remove it for classes.

Or he’d say fuck everyone and leave it on.

They made their way downstairs, Katsuki making sure he heard it twice from the nerd that his mom had already left for work. He did not need to run into her this morning. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to handle it after such a night.

‘’You know..y-you should tell someone.” Deku spoke, his voice shaky. Hesitant as he should be. The topic alone caused Katsuki’s hairs to stand, his heart to shutter. He took one look at the other before he scowled.

‘’I’m fine. Don’t poke any further than I’ve allowed. ‘’ he snapped. And he meant it there was no way in hell he would tell another soul of this. He could deal with it. Live like this for another year before he’d graduate and move out completely. He’d get rid of her, block her. Never see her again for the rest of his sorry life. he jut had to wait a little longer.

He was fine.

He was so tired.

He could deal with it on his own. Just as he had been for the past seventeen years of his life.

‘’She hurt you. Hurts you. What if she does something much worse?” The greenette argued, stopping them just before the entered the school gates. Luckily it was empty all around.

‘’Why do you act like you fucking care? She’d be doing you and me a big fucking favor.” He retorts, crossing his arms over his chest with a sneer.

‘’You don’t seriously mean that..Kacchan I and so many others would be broken..you mean so much more than you think.’’ He whispered, brows furrowed in pain.

You’re hurting him.

Monster.

‘’Listen, stay out of my fucking business. I can handle this. Don’t think for a second that just because I let you in means you or your words have any authority or meaning to my life. I can drop you at any second.” his words were like glass, causing Deku to flinch with each and every word that left. Not wanting to see the pain decorating the freckled boys fae Katsuki turns, bitting his inner cheek to remain calm. He didn’t care, he wouldn’t care.

‘’You’re an idiot sometimes you know that!” Deku shouts, fists curled at his sides. ‘’You have no idea just how dumb you are! You could die Kacchan! Seriously die and instead of putting your ego to the side and allowing others in for help you chose death?! For what! Are you happy doing this?” His words pierced through, something only Deku could do.

But it hurt, his stomach twisted and turned.

He didn’t want to let anyone in, to be seen for what he was. For what he is: a weak bastard. A villain. A monster. So pushing people away, hiding his pain and covering his sadness with pride was his only way of living. It was the only way of keeping himself and others safe.

‘’God you act like you know everyone don’t you Deku?” He sneered, looking back at him with a smirk. Trying to make sure it reached up to his eyes. He felt hopeless and he was terrified the other would see it even in these moments.

‘’And then you do that. You act like a dick and push people away! Aren’t you tired of it? Don’t you wish to have people in your life?” His words kept piercing, kept hurting.

‘’Fuck off! Fuck you and fuck your stupid nosey ass! If I need help I’ll deal with it myself! What can you do you useless Deku!” He shouts, fists popping with rage. His chest was racing, his smaller brain was itching to come forward. The raised voices didn’t do much to help. He hated the yelling, the swearing. It all was too much.

‘’You know what..fuck you. Keep pushing others away. Keep hurting everyone around you until you have no one left. Not everyone will be as kind as me..you will lose those if you keep acting like this. Be selfish Kacchan. I’m tired of it.” Deku sounded tired, his voice weak and his eyes water filled.

‘’Sometimes I wonder..will you ever change..or is this just you..?” he whispered, tilting his head staring at the blonde with so much pain in his eyes. But nothing could amount to the pain in Katsuki’s heart.

He wouldn’t ever change would he? He would always be the prick.

The one who bullied Deku.

The one who told him to kill himself.

The one who exploded on his classmates.

The one who yelled.

The one who isolated himself from everyone around him.

‘’What if it is.” He croaked in response, begging to hear an answer. Was he really just a prick? was this really just how he was? An unlovable creature.

‘’Then I feel sorry for you..your life will always be filed with such misery.”

Misery..a life filled with misery.

Was this the life of Katsuki?

Chapter Text

The days passed like a sour stomach: slow and agonizing. Katsuki spent hours at his desk staring lifelessly ahead. Eijirou tried to get a word out of him but was met with a bite. Instead of reacting like last time he took the hint and gave him space, just like Deku did. While he was grateful deep down he felt lonely. Lost alone in sea.

He knew he was drowning but he had no way to get afloat. Not when his body wanted him so badly to sink to the bottom and become one with the sea. To drift away completely. To give in. He was exhausted, so tired of trying over and over again. Yet nothing changed. Nothing got better, none of it. And now he was faced with a challenge that was far too great for him.

Did he tell another soul of the abuse? Did he let it pass with time. Spend the rest of his weekends sleeping on a park bench until he was of age to get a good job and move out? He wasn’t sure what to do. A large part of him wanted to do nothing at all. He was tired, tired of trying. What was the point? Truly he didn’t know. Year after year things only seemed to get worse—pain continued to grow while his hope dwindled down.

Day after day he was judged and criticized for simply existing. He was too angry, too loud, too explosive. Scary to be around. Nothing but a villain. How can one change their mindset when that is all you’ve heard since birth? You can’t at least thats what he thinks. You can’t fix the damage that has already been done. There’s only so much glue to fix a broken vase before there was no use in holding the pieces together.

He was so tired.

So fucking tired.

And so angry.

It wasn’t until late at night that he began moving again. After classes he found himself stuck in bed, staring ahead with no care in the world. He had nowhere to be, no need for finishing work he completed hours ago instead of eating. Another bad habit he picked up this week while spiraling. He hadn’t slipped since their argument. How could he? He was terrified, terrified to get too comfortable scared his mother would appear in the shadows. So when the halls went silent and footsteps from above went quiet he left the safety of his room. His stomach growling for the first time in hours.

His feet carried him into the kitchen, taking slow and silent steps afraid to disturb anyone in the dorms. He really didn’t want to run into the wrong people right now. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to contain explosions of anger.

‘’Oh-“ he spoke softly, voice a bit hoarse from not using it in so long. There in the kitchen stood Deku, his green hair a mess. In his hands was a pink mug, with what smelt like warm cocoa. The pair stared at each other for a few seconds before the greenette quickly passed by.

‘’Wai-‘’ but he was gone before he could finish his sentence. Never had the other dodged Katsuki like that. Even when they fought before—he always gave him the time of day. So what was happening now? had he finally ad enough? Was he slowly losing more and more of the people who seemed to care for him?

What could he even do?

Without a second thought he rushed after the other, grabbing a handful of his shirt with all the strength he had left. Deku paused, turning back to him with a deep and tired sigh.

“Kacchan..” Izuku was tired, beyond tired if that. Leaving the blonde alone in the kitchen hurt his chest. But nothing compares to watching him wither away. There was only so much you could do to help someone who was so against getting better.

‘’Why the fuck are you ignoring me?” Katsuki hissed, voiced hushed but just as venomous.

‘’I’m tired. Please let go.” Izuku replied, trying his best to remain calm, not to raise his voice and to not allow the other to get to him. He knew all the blonde wanted was a rise out of him, a way to control the conversation.

‘’No, tell me why! At first I get it..I wanted the fucking space but now you won’t even look at me.” He spoke, his chest aching. He wasn’t sure why it bothered him so much, he used to hate having Deku near, it brought out all his insecurities all those emotions he was unsure of. But now he missed him, deep down he knew it. He felt empty—even more hollow without him by his side.

‘’Because of you!” The greenette snapped, tugging his arm away. “There is only so much I can take. I can’t sit back and watch you choose this over getting help! I understand it’s scary..it’s terrifying..but you’ll die this way. Alone and wishing you could have done something different. Why would I want to force myself to watch first hand? Your suffering will only get worse from here.” By the end of it his chest was heaving, forehead crinkled in heartbreak.

‘’Then let me die goddammit! Don’t abandon me..d-don’t fucking abandon me to make yourself feel better!” He was being selfish, he knew it. But he couldn’t bare to loose Deku. He was the one good thing in his life. He so badly wanted to speak those thoughts aloud. Tell him just how deeply, he felt. But there was no use.

‘’You’re cruel Kacchan..” Izuku’s voice cracked, feet taking small steps back. ‘’I don’t want to be apart of this suicide mission of yours..I’m s-sorry but I can’t.” And then he fled the scene, droplets of cocoa spilling onto the floor from how fast he left.

You’re cruel.

A monster.

A selfish beast.

He knew it, he knew it deep down and etched into his bones. He knew all too well that was true. He was being selfish, he wanted to see Deku’s side, to understand it. But his brain was stuck in victim mode, an evil mindset. So for now he left, hugging himself with a weak whimper. Instead of eating he went back to his empty dorm, grabbing a spare bag.

He stares ahead, glancing around his empty dorm with a pounding chest. He knew what he needed to do. The first step of escaping his mother’s cage was leaving that damn house. He could do this all on his own.

He didn’t need damn Deku.

But he wanted him.

But he wasn’t needed.

Sneaking out was the easy part, heading back to home was the harder part. The walk there felt tense, his hands were clammy chest tight and pulsing.

Anxiety rippled through him. Every step he took felt like he was creeping closer to death. He went through the back, making sure the house was dead silent before he slipped inside. It was past midnight, the time his mother was already asleep. Either she drank herself to it or the pills knocked her out. If he was lucky it’d be both. He made calculated steps, avoiding creaks in the steps or wonky wood planks. He kept his breath held into he was safely inside his room. And then he began packing. His savings, old books and posters he hid years ago were shoved inside. Clothes and blankets to keep warm were added next. He kept living until every small item he needed was secured safely inside.

So many years he sent locked away in this room. Wondering when it would get better—if it ever would. Early years spent playing with Deku until his mother forced the split between. And countless nights he felt lost and ready to give in to deaths warm embrace.

Fuck this place.

Fuck it.

His brows furrow, fist gripping onto the straps of his bag. He knew his window was locked so sneaking back down was his only option. He turned his back, red eyes lifting from the ground landing on the devil herself.

‘’Well look who showed up.” Her words were hollow, eyes almost black from rage. His chest went cold, eyes wide and full of terror. This was not how he expected it to go. He was so close.

So close to fixing this himself.

The last thing Katsuki saw before stepping back was a glint of silver and a harsh cold breeze.

What had he done?

Chapter Text

It hurt.

Every bone in his body ached, his lungs burned with every sharp breath he took. He kept running, not once did he turn back to check how close she was. He couldn’t waste a single second. He was lucky the first strike was just a graze to his soft cheek. The blood still pooled down, the cut was deep but it was nothing compared to the pain his heart felt.

His mother wanted him dead, she was more than happy to finish the job herself. He couldn’t help but wonder why she hated him?

Why was he never good enough in her eyes?

He grieved his childhood, his younger self. He grieved the mother he once begged god for. Cried at the edge of his bed, his little hands clasped so tightly together while he prayed. But his cries were never heard. She never changed. She never would change. He let that dream die like the rest of his useless ideas of a life he thought he could obtain. Stupid dreams he made for himself.

He’d never make it that far. He’d never be the hero he wanted so badly to be. It was something he had to learn to accept.

‘’F-Fuck!” He cursed, voice cracking. It was rigid out, the air nipping at his bare arms. Almost taunting him, laughing at his pain by adding more. He had to keep going, he was so close. With a sharp turn he flung himself into the slide opening, thankfully a park was nearby. A small park hidden behind a tall dark willow tree. His secret hide out he found years ago when he was kicked out for the night. It was a rundown playground, the slide was barley hanging onto its metal brackets anymore.

He took slow breaths, listening for any indication that she was nearby. But he heard none, but you could never get too comfortable. His hands were shaky, fumbling around his pockets until he found what he was searching for.

His phone.

He had no time to grab it to call even the police once she attacked. Now in the silence he had time to recollect himself. Think fast. Only he didn’t want to call the police, how could he face them? They’d think he was weak or worse send him back home telling him how wrong it was to create false lies about his mother. So who could he call?

Deku was obviously not the one, he was tired of his bullshit. Tired of dealing with his problems. Eijirou was a fast no, there was still too many doubts. His thumb scrolled Aimlessly for what felt like hours before it landed on the one person he truly could not face. Someone he looked up to, wanted so badly to praise and look to when he did right.

Aizawa sensei.

His teeth dug into his lower lip, could he call him? What would he think? Would he believe him or send him home? His chest thumped, head pounding with his smaller side begging to come out. He was scared, so scared. He was cold and wet and his cheek hurt. He wanted his blankets, his soft bunny and a warm hug. He just wanted to hide away until it was safe again.

He heard a branch snap from the far back and his thumb pressed down without a second thought. The phone rang in a tortuous tune, his fears fearing, growing as the seconds passed.

‘’Why are you calling so late?” Aizawa’s voice burst through the silence like a miracle but also a sharp knife. For a moment he stayed silent, his breaths coming out in small soft pants. ‘’Bakugo? If you have nothing to say then I’m going to hang up.”

“Help.” He whispered, tears building in the corner of his eyes. he had given up and given in. He couldn’t do this alone. He didn’t want to die. Not like this. Not by her.

‘’What?”

‘’H-Help..just fuck help me. I-I can’t die..I don’t want to fucking die..!” His voiced raises just slightly, eyes darting around the dark trees searching for any sign of his mother.

‘’Okay..where are you kid?” He spoke slowly, and Katsuki was unsure if he believed he was in any anger at all or thought he was being dramatic. Either way the blonde mumbled out the address and description of his hideout.

‘’I’m on my way. Just stay put and don’t do anything stupid.” His teacher grumbled, his keys made a small jingle sound as he made his way to the door. And then their call disconnected.

His phone died. He could laugh, he almost did but he had to stay still, completely silent or else he could risk being found.

He was so tired.

Should he have just died?

His tears dribbled down, the salt made his cut hurt but they wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop them from falling. He could feel himself regressing, his mind slowly slipping back into that safe space he created for himself.

‘’S-Scared..” he whispered to himself, rocking back and forth as a way to soothe himself in these dire moments. His cold fingers ran along his bumpy skin, trying to mimic the touch of Deku.

Snap.

His head whips up, feet pushing him to sit flat against the back of the slide opening. His breath became more erratic, eyes widening in fear. And then thought the bottom of the slide popped in Aizawa, his eyes dark and fierce, he looked confused and a bit annoyed. But who wouldn’t be? It was past midnight, the rain did little to help with the cold.

‘’What are you doing out here kid?” His voice was even deeper than it was on the phone. But that did little to scare the younger. He pushed himself forward sliding down until he threw himself at the teacher. His mind was gone, he was terrified. He thought he was going to die and his younger brain couldn’t handle it. His hands gripped onto Aizawa’s shirt, sobs wracking through his frail body. His blood smeared his jumper turning the black fabric into a a sopping red.

The teacher stood perfectly still, brows furrowed in confusion. Not once has he ever seen the blonde act like this. Nor had he ever seen him cry. Something must have happened—but they couldn’t stand here any longer. It was too cold and he smelt the strong stench of blood coming from below.

‘’Hey..hey look at me Bakugo. Let’s get you back to your home okay—‘’

‘’No! N-no..!” Came a shriek from the blonde. His thin arms smacking around until he was let go. He shook his head, staring up at the other with so much fear in his dull eyes.

What on Earth happened?

‘’No? You don’t want to go home—your mother is probably worried sick.’’ He tried to reason but was met with another whine, and another step back from Bakugo.

He didn’t want to go home? There was no question about that. And Aizawa noticed how he seemed to shake even more at the mention of his mother. Did she do something? Had they fought? He didn’t know but he couldn’t just leave him out here.

‘’Alright then..are you okay to go to my house? We can get you cleaned up there and figure out what to do from there.’’ Katsuki nodded at that, hugging himself with a tired whimper. His legs were close to giving out. When Aizawa mentioned going home he was terrified. He was going to bring him right into deaths awaiting arms.

‘’F-fine..” he replied after minutes of battling with his inner thoughts. The longer he stayed out here the more he risked of being found by his mother. So he stood, slowly and cautiously inching towards his sensei with not an ounce of trust in his blood. But he had no other choice. It was this or death. And for once he didn’t want to die. He kept a distance between them, following behind his teacher keeping his eyes downcast. Terrified to look up and see the shadow of the monster close by.

‘’Here, get in.” Aizawa spoke, breaking the silence between them. The blonde slides into the warm leather seat, letting the door shut behind. Now he was stuck, there was no escaping the car. Not once Aizawa got in and started it. ‘’It’s alright kid, we’ll get you cleaned up and some food in you. Just breathe.” He spoke, trying though failing to soothe the little. He was in between biting off his teachers head with curses or curling up into a ball.

The ride felt like hours though it was only fifteen minutes. The rain making it somewhat soothing of a trip. But once they made it to the home he felt sick, his feet were glued to the floor mats. He had to get out he knew that, and he didn’t see his mother chasing behind them. So it must be safe, it had to be. He was sure his sensei wouldn’t turn him in if she were to show up..right?

‘’Come on,” he did as he was told, hunching his shoulders up while they walked up the steps. The house itself was warm inside, it smelt like warm Chai and a hint of cherry. The first thing he noticed was the cat lounging on the bottom step and soft music being played from upstairs. ‘’It’s alright, it’s just my Husband. You’re safe here.” Aizawa spoke even softer, softer than he ever had before. Maybe because he always seemed to be yelling at the blonde.

‘’C-cats..” the little mumbled, rubbing his cold nose with his closed fist. He wanted to reach out to pet the furry animal but his anxiety kept him from doing so. He trailed behind his tired teacher, peeking from behind when they made it up the steps to the cold bathroom.

‘’Take a quick shower, i’ll leave some clothes outside and then we’ll clean up your wounds.” Without a word Katsuki waked inside, shutting the door behind him. He left it unlocked, something he learned the hard way. His mother hated when he locked the door, since he didn’t own the house he had no right to do what he wanted.

Stop thinking.

He twisted the knob watching the water spill out from its spout. He stood there for a few minutes, still dressed. He couldn’t move his feet. Not yet, he was swallowed by fear, frozen by the events that happened only moments before. But he shook himself out of it, he couldn’t waste their water—he didn’t want to get introuble already.

He lathered the soap in between his bruised fingers, rubbing it into his matted hair. It ached, his scalp still burning from her venomous grip earlier. He didn’t waste a second in the shower, washing out the soap before he scrubbed his body clean, wincing when the cloth brushed over each bruise and scrape. But he didn’t want to be dirty, he didn’t want Aizawa to see him in such a mess. Though now he stood red as a tomato under the scalding water.

Knock.

‘’I left some clothes outside the door,” Aizawa spoke through the door, his voice startling the blonde. Knocking him out of his trance.

‘’Right..” he mumbled aloud, stepping out wrapping the towel around his chest to turn off the water. For a minute he stood there, watching the droplets crash onto the towel below him. He was scared, what would his teacher think—would his husband be mad that he took him in? Would they all the cops? Blame Katsuki?

Would they believe him?

The clothes were warm and soft. Bringing him comfort that he hadn’t felt in weeks. He opened the door, stepping outside with a heavy sigh. Better just get it over with. Each step he took down the stairs made his chest ache worse, he could hear voices the closer he got. One being his teacher and the other sounded familiar.

‘’There you are, little Listener. Come sit.” His head snaps up, he knew that voice.

Present mic.

‘’What the fuck?”

‘’Bakugo.” His eyes were wide, no way was Aizawa gay but married to the loud teacher from down the hall. Not only a teacher a pro hero. He never would’ve guessed the pair were together, he seemed to always be annoying the hell out of the other. But maybe it was like him and Deku. He hated the greenette but adored him all at the same time.

What.

‘’It’s okay, I know its probably a big shock! But don’t worry let’s focus on you for now alright?” Present mic was a bit softer than Aizawa that was for sure. Though he felt a bit more uncomfortable with him in the mix. Now he had two pro hero’s to judge him.

‘’I’m fine..” he mumbled sitting down in the open chair with a thump. His arms crossing over his chest in a protective stance. He felt as if he was naked, judged and vulnerable.

‘’You’re not kid. You call me at two in the morning. I find you alone in a park bleeding and bruised. So what is going on.” Aizawa sits forward, his elbows on his thighs while his eyes were locked onto the blonde. It was clear he wasn’t getting out of this with a lie, he dug himself too deep for this one.

For a minute he thought to lie, to come up with some crazy story so he could go back. But then he heard Izuku, heard his annoying whiny voice echoing in his head.

‘’do you really want to suffer like this?”

He didn’t. He was so tired of choosing to live in pain. He was tired of his mother, tired of the bruises. The cuts and threats. He was tired of wondering if he’d make it to the next morning.

‘’My…my mom.” He whispered so softly even he couldn’t quite make out what he even said.

‘’What was that?” Present mic asked, giving a gentle smile.

‘’My mom wanted me dead.” He spoke louder, staring ahead with the little strength he had left. His body sagged, legs giving out even as he was sitting down. He said it aloud.

He finally spoke his truth.

‘’Your mom did this?” Aizawa’s brows furrowed, he straightened himself up taking a deep breath at the statement his student just made. He knew it couldn’t be a lie, he knew Bakugo too well and things were adding up. The marks on his arm he’d lie about. The panic when he had to call home or even threaten to. The lack of visits from his mother. How had he missed it? He was a pro hero how had he looked past such obvious clues?

But now wasn’t the time for blaming himself, Bakugo sat in front of him shaking and most likely filled with shame. As little as he knew about the blonde he knew he hated being seen as weak—telling probably meant he was weak.

‘’Thank you for telling us..now, we can’t have you going back home. And we will have to put a report out for your mother. What she did to you is not okay.”

Katsuki didn’t have to go home?

They believed him?

‘’W-What..?” His voice was weak, a bit shaky at the end.

‘’You can stay here for now little listener, as long as you want or until we can write out a real plan.” Mic tells him, giving a warm smile pushing a mug forward. It smelt like warm peppermint tea. He hadn’t noticed it before—was it for him? “Drink, I’m sure you need it.” That was his answer, so in his foggy mind he leaned forward taking the mug into his hands taking a small sip.

The two were staring at him, he was sure they had questions. How could they not he just told them his mother beat the shit out of him.

‘’Why aren’t you asking me shit.” He mumbled, glaring down at the half drunken mug.

‘’It’s been a long night and I’m sure the last thing you want to talk about is this. So tonight we won’t mention it, tomorrow after breakfast we will. How does that sound?”

‘’Right..” he couldn’t argue with that, he didn’t want to talk about it let alone go into details of his abuse. He wasn’t ready for that, and he wasn’t sure his brain could stay afloat any longer. Between the warm tea and the soft clothes he was slipping again. He was finally safe, or at least free from his mother. He could breathe for just a moment.

‘’I’ll go get the guest room ready.” Mic announced, standing up. His movements were quite almost silent—something Katsuki was sure he mastered in being a pro hero.

Now the two sat in silence. Katsuki was unsure of what to say. He wasn’t sure if he could say anything. He felt too fuzzy to move and too frightened to look up. So for now he waited for instructions, waited for a reason to move.

‘’Alright, let’s get those cuts cleaned.” He jumped at Aizawa’s sudden voice, head lifting slowly. He didn’t want to be touched, let alone his cuts. But he knew he had to.

‘’’kay..” he scoots forward, gripping onto the hem of his shirt with a shaky sigh. Right now he wished Moss was nearby.

Or ZuZu.

‘’It’ll sting.” His teacher warned, sitting back down with the first aid kit. He didn’t reply, he knew it would hurt. It never got easier. He flinched at the first touch, biting down on his lower lip to keep himself quiet.

Don’t be weak.

Hurts.

Want Moss.

‘’Doing alright?” Aizawa questioned, pulling back to grab another bandaid.

‘’’m fine.” Came a mumbled response from the blonde causing his teacher to look back with furrowed brows. he had been acting off all night—of course it made sense after the night he had. He kept quiet after that, finishing on cleaning and covering his wounds. Though each dab at the blood and covering a cut made his chest ache. He was lucky the nasty cut on his cheek didn’t need anything more than a butterfly bandage but it would leave behind a scar.

How could he have been so blind?

‘’Alright little listener the room is ready for ya!” Hizashi emerged from the stairway, a warm smile on his tired face. His husband clearly a wreck from the news as well.

‘’Kay..” Katsuki slid off his seat, shuffling towards the room without another word.

‘’Well..why don’t we write out a game plan. I’m sure neither of us will get any sleep tonight..” Hizashi suggests, sitting down beside his husband with a sigh.

Just what on Earth happened to Bakugo?

Chapter Text

‘‘What the fuck are you looking at.” Katsuki rumbled, his voice hoarse from just waking up. On his chest sat one of the many cats, purring away like it just found the perfect spot to loaf. The blonde felt like he had just been smacked by a bundle of stones. His cheek ached and his legs felt like they were about to fall off.

A result of yesterday he was sure.

‘’You’re kinda cute..’’ He whispered, running his fingers along the animals jaw, giggling when it pushed into his hand for more.

Cute.

He cuddles in more under the soft blankets, twirling his fingers around the felines tail. He felt warm and soft inside, his nerves calming down after his initial awake.

‘’Bakugo,” his name and a knock interrupted their time alone. His hands tugged the blankets higher until they were rested right below his nose. ‘’Hey little listener..you ready for some breakfast?” Mic poked his head inside just slightly, still giving the blonde some time to say if he was allowed in or not.

Why would he care to ask? It’s his house.

‘’Not hungry.” He turned over, glaring at the wall instead of seeing the adults stupid face.

The regret was seeping in. Reality kicking him in the gut. He just let two people into his dark secret, and he had no idea how they’d react or what would come from it.

‘’Alright..well I’ll leave your food in the microwave, its soft pancakes and some fluffy eggs that sounds nice doesn’t it? But take your time little man, it’s been a long night.” When would this fucker go away? Katsuki bit his lip to hold back a retort, he had no idea how Present Mic would react. Aizawa was easier to read, or at least he knew when he was mad and how he’d react—this loud mouth was a new case for him.

The door was shut soon after, leaving the pair alone once again. Something he preferred. Though he knew he had to get up sometime soon. He couldn’t stay locked inside the guest room forever. though that would surely be nice. He knew they’d come barging in after so many hours. Better to just get it over with now than later.

‘’Alright big guy..get up..’’ He spoke gently easing the cat off his chest, missing the warmth it brought the moment the creature moved. The blonde moved slowly, his sore body crying out at every small step he took. He steps in front of the mirror, grimacing at the sight of himself. His hair was a mess, stuck in weird directions after sleeping on it wet. His eyes were sunken, skin bruised and scraped. He looked rough.

No shit he was almost killed.

But there was no point in remembering it. It would do nothing but cause more anxiety and more stress to his body. Something he didn’t need right now. He tugs a spare hoodie over his tattered body, keeping his head covered like some sort of protection from the adults waiting for him downstairs. He walked slowly, his breath coming out in small short cycles the further he walked down the hall. The smell of maple wafted upstairs, soft voices followed after. A reminder that he wasn’t alone, he had made the decision to fib.

Scared.

His hands shook, gripping onto the bottom of his shirt. He took a step into the kitchen, causing bth adults to look over. An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Now four eyes were on him, both seemed concerned. He hated that. He hated being anyone’s problem, letting people in. He wasn’t weak, he didn’t need anyone to worry. He could handle this.

‘’Come sit, it’s still nice and warm.’’ Present Mic seemed harmless but that didn’t mean shit to Katsuki. You could never trust anyone, no matter how kind they may seem. He pushed forward, sitting down with a grimace. He stared down at his plate, he wasn’t hungry. He hadn’t been in a long time but especially not now. So he just poked and prodded at the pancakes, glaring at the food like it had done something personally to him.

‘’We want to move forward with arresting your mother.’’ Aizawa comments, his words felt heavy. If a warrant went out then others would find out, and if others found out then it would only continue to grow and Katsuki would be painted as a victim.

Weak.

‘’But we wanted to give you a little heads up first. We know this must’ve been hard little listener. and in doing so we’d have to bring you down to the station for more questions and briefing..” Mic cut in, giving a warm smile. The blonde knew he was trying to help lighten such bad news. But it did little to help. His breathing was growing in seconds, hands getting clammy. He felt light headed, sick and terrified.

‘’Why.’’ His reply was short, eyebrows turned inwards. His usual scowl growing. Why did anyone else need to know? Why couldn’t he just lay low then go back like before.

But mommy hates Katsuki.

He knew deep down things would never go back to how they were. Things were going to change. Whether they’d be for better or for worse he was terrified.

‘’Because she tried to kill you Bakugo. You cannot go back to such a place and she cannot roam freely after something like that.” Came from his tired teacher, though it only angered him more. He didn’t get it. Why wasn’t he seeing the problem in telling others about this.

‘’So what..she’ll calm down. Just let me stay another night and she’ll be fucking peachy.’’ He snapped, shoving his plate forward signaling he was done. Not one bite was taken but he felt too sick to even attempt to swallow such sweetness.

‘’That’s not happening kid. You’re staying here until we come to a conclusion. We will notify the station. And tonight we will go down and you will give your statement.’’ His head grew hotter, eyes burning. They couldn’t make him do shit.

He never should’ve listened to Izuku. He knew this would only make matters worse.

‘’I’m not doing shit.” He stood, hands parking at his side causing the older man’s eyes to glow controlling the blonde before it got worse. ‘’You can’t make me do shit. I’m fine. She was just angry. Leave it alone.” He hissed, trying to stay strong but his voice was shaking and he knew they noticed it.

‘’I can and I will Bakugo. You are a child, and you are under my care for the time being. Whether you want to see it or not this is the set case scenario for you.” Aizawa was frustrated, he knew it wasn’t fair but he hated how reckless the other was being. His fear of nearly losing the kid made his anger cover his right thinking mind. Of course he would be terrified to tell others, but in this moment he didn’t recognize that. All he saw was Bakugo being a problem, trying to run away again.

‘’I’ve taken care of myself for years! I can keep doing it just fine!” Katsuki snapped, curling his hands into balls. He felt shaky, legs weakening the longer he stood. He could’ve stay, he wouldn’t allow himself to talk to anyone about this. He wouldn’t admit to anything.

Before Aizawa could reply Hizashi cut in, knowing the both of them needed to calm down before they ended up hurting each other. His husband was upset and worried—all validated however Bakugo wasn’t in the right headspace to hear this. He was still scared, terrified to open up.

‘’We just want to make sure you’re safe buddy..we aren’t here to hurt you or force you. We will take it slow today okay? Let’s calm down, take a couple hours to breathe and then come back and talk about..your mother.” At that Bakugo looks over at him, his piercing red eyes staring at the taller blonde. It almost hurt Hizashi, he looked so tired.

‘’Fine.” He seethed through clenched teeth, pushing off the table storming off in the direction of the guest room. The door slamming right behind him.

‘’Zashi.” Aizawa mumbled, running a calloused hand down his face. Surely exhausted. ‘’We can’t just wait. His mother committed a crime we need to bring her in before she finds a way to get out of it.’’

‘’I know..but the kid is scared. This is a big thing for someone we need to give him time. And he knows that too. But put yourself in his shoes..would you trust anyone so willingly?” That seemed to get through to the other, his shoulders sagging forward. Getting through to Bakugo would be a waiting game, it would be hard and they’d fight.

‘’I just..he doesn’t realize that he shouldn’t be his own parent at this age..” Aizawa felt exhausted, neither of them had gotten any sleep since bringing the blonde home. How could he? He missed all the obvious signs of abuse for years. How could he be so blind? Back then he thought his loud mother was just angry out of fear, her son had just been kidnapped so anger wasn’t shocking—the head slap was out of line but Bakugo acted fine. A statement that he hated himself for even thinking.

The tense shoulders, his fingers digging into his thighs. Those red eyes that were staring at the two adults with some hidden form of desperation. Back then he assumed he was embarrassed, a sight he had seen plenty of times with the explosive child. Bakugo was not one to showcase any form of vulnerability. Anger seemed to be his primary emotion, a way to shield the world from getting in. Seeing his true feelings.

‘’That’s something he has to learn slowly Sho. The boy’s been on his own for god knows how long..we gotta be patient. It kills me too, but he needs patience and support. Not anger.” Hizashi was right, and Shouta knew this. But it hurt, the guilt felt like a stab wound that only continued to grow. Every flinch, every scrape and bruise that littered that child’s face pushed the blade in deeper.

Fuck.

Katsuki held his head, pacing the bedroom until his breathing went down. If it ever would. He should’ve just given up, laid there and let his mother put him out of his misery. Anything was better than this. Besides who would believe him? The police would give him a side eye and send him home. He was a villain in their eyes. He knew it, they knew it.

His mother would be sent home with nothing but an apology for stealing her precious time. His teachers were idiots, they didn’t get it. They wouldn’t listen to him. They were sending him back to his grave by doing this.

‘’T-They won’t listen..” he whispered aloud, in a way to try and ground himself. His fingers digging into his thinning arms, tugging at the soft fabric. ‘’W-Why won’t anyone listen to me..” none of it made sense, truly he felt like he was falling apart at the seams. His legs gave out soon after, body crashing down against the bed, curled up in a small ball while his breathing picked up.

He knew he had no choice, he could try to run but where would he go? Who would he run into on his own? And deep down, deep down hidden under anger and ego he wanted to speak. He wanted to rely on someone other than himself for once.

But who could he truly trust?

Chapter Text

‘’Z-Zuzu..run..!” Katsuki cried, dragging the greenette’s All might figure along the duvet cover. The pair were playing again. Classes had finished a few hours ago and Izuku knew the blonde neeed to decompress. He could see the tension in his shoulders down to his toes. Kacchan was easy to read, at least to him.

‘’Help me! All Might..!” Izuku played along, using his small action figure that Katsuki chose for him to play. It was a small green bunny, ironic really.

‘’Don’t be afraid, I’m here!’’ Katsuki shouts, deepening his voice to act like All Might himself. It brought a smile to Izuku’s face. It took weeks for Kacchan to warm up to him, to even feel comfortable to fully regress like this. Every second that he waited was worth it. Seeing him relaxed and truly at peace for once brought so much joy into his heart.

That’s truly all he wanted. He just wanted Kacchan to be happy.

6:32 am.

Katsuki glared at the clock across from him. He hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep. How could he after a bomb like that was dropped onto him. And now he was paying for it, his eyes burned begging him to shut them. But he refused. It was Saturday he had no reason to be awake at this time, yet here he was. Rotting in bed, too scared to move and too scared to try and sleep.

He misses Moss.

What would come once he woke up? Would he have to talk to others? No they’d have to drag him. He had no reason to talk to anyone about this, his mother was just upset. He’d be fine to go home.

No he won’t.

She was just angry, he kept messing up. This was all his fault, just like always. But why was no one else seeing that? He was just being a bad kid and his mom took his punishment a bit too far.

She tried to kill Katsuki.

He rips a pillow down to cover his ears, groaning aloud at the battle going on in his head. It was frightening. The fear was swallowing him whole. He wanted to run, this was too much for him. He never should’ve opened his big mouth.

He was so scared.

Where was All might?

Zuzu?

He felt all alone in this battle, brain becoming foggier by the second. Though if he had any control left he was using it to make sure he didn’t slip. There was no way in hell he was going to let anyone else see him like that. None of it had been on his own—he wasn’t strong enough to contain such a weakness.

He knew today he’d have to go down to the station. Aizawa made it clear he had no choice in the matter. Though he wouldn’t go down without a fight. Like hell would he allow anyone else to hear of this. There was no telling what his mother would tell them—how much she’d pay to get this shoved under the rug just like every other trip to the hospital.

Every broken bone, bruise and scrape was covered by a dollar bill. It was upsetting how easily the adults around him folded at such a thing. Made him lose hope that anyone would ever truly care about this. Soon enough Aizawa would fall too, she’d show up like her usual fake self with a hand full of cash and his teacher would allow it to pass. She’d get to go home with her lying son and beat him senseless all over again.

Kill him.

He wasn’t sure how long he laid there until the birds started chirping even louder than before and the soft smell of espresso floated through the house. They were awake. And he needed to find a way out of this.

It wasn’t until he was sliding his socks on that the door opened the smallest amount, he must’ve not heard the knocking.

‘’Hey little listener..I got some warm breakfast for you ready downstairs. I was thinking today we could relax before the school week starts up again.” Katsuki stares a at the other blonde with furrowed brows. Where was he trying to go from there? What would he get out of this? Was this all just a trick? He kept his eyes trained on the teacher, brows furrowed. Would the police be waiting for him downstairs?

Would she?

‘’I know after last nights conversation you might be feeling even more on edge. But I promise, we can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to. While I do want your mother to be charged as soon as possible I know all of this is terrifying..and you don’t know who to trust. So no one is coming to get you, she isn’t here. You’re safe I promise.” The hero kept his tone soft, eyes holding nothing but sincerity. But Katsuki wouldn’t fall for such a weak attempt.

‘’You think I believe that shit?” His voice came out hoarse, weak and tired.

‘’Of course not, but it’s a place to start. And the first step is seeing that there really is no one but our cats downstairs. No police, no questions. Nothing.” The teacher seemed adamant about having him go down. It sounded quiet, in fact the house was silent. If she was there he’d hear her grumbling from upstairs. He’d come to memorize her steps and breathing patterns.

‘’Fine.” He stood with a grunt, brushing past the older blonde. The walk to the stairs was anxiety inducing, black spots dancing across his vision. For a moment he wobbled, hand smacking against the wall to catch himself.

Snap out of it.

Taking one step at a time like an infant he made it to the foyer. It was quiet, eerily silent. He took a deep breath, exhaling shakily. His eyes searched for any sign of her. The police—anything to prove his fears. Then he felt it, a soft brushing along his bare ankle. He jumps, a pathetic noise leaving him when doing so.

‘’Oh..” his eyes burned, limbs dropping by his sides. He was so tired of all of this. His nervous system couldn’t handle all this stress. It was eating him alive.

‘’It seems like Mocha has taken a liking to you.” Mic spoke from the top step, moving carefully behind the blonde knowing one wrong move and he’d revert back into hiding.

‘’Mocha..” Katsuki whispered aloud, kneeling down to brush his fingers through the felines soft fur. His mind fuzzy, something he hadn’t allowed in days.

‘’I’m proud of you for coming down buddy, how about we get some food?” Katsuki stood at that, following behind. His stomach had been aching for food, and since there wasn’t anyone down there maybe he could trust the food.

‘’it should still be warm. How does a hot bowl of pumpkin oatmeal sound?” He shrugged in reply to that, maybe it would be nice on his sour stomach or it would make it churn even more. Hizashi sat down first, nodding his head at the chair across from him with a warm smile. He knew one wrong move could undo everything he just built with the teen.

The little jumped when a bowl was placed in front of him. Looking down with a sleepy expression. The cinnamon scent filled his crinkled nose, calming his shaking nerves.

‘’Smell nice?’’ Hizashi chuckled softly seeing his expression soften. Since the moment he arrived this was the only time he’d seen him look like he was able to breathe again. It hurt his heart but at least they were getting some where.

It smelt nice, smelt nostalgic. Katsuki lifted the small spoon bringing it to his lips taking the tiniest bite. He hums softly in delight. The warm porridge felt nice on his bruised throat. It trickled down his chest leaving behind a warm trail. He kept his eyes down, focusing on taking small bites at a time. He wasn’t sure if his stomach would be able to handle it.

‘’Don’t feel pressured to finish it all.” Hizashi reassured, knowing the boys stomach most likely was twisted in knots from anxiety. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to eat in moments like this either.

‘’It’s..good.” Katsuki spoke, taking another bite allowing himself to chew slowly. Savor the flavors erupting on his tongue. After a few more he concluded he was done. His stomach puffing against the cotton. He leaned back, his spine cracking from straightening after days of being bent at an awkward angle.

‘’Why don’t we head to the living room, get you settled on the couch with a movie? I’m sure you’re exhausted little man.” The little nods, standing up shuffling behind the older blonde. He felt fuzzy, full and soft. He wasn’t sure how long this feeling would last. It was nice to have a break from the constant fight or flight. So he didn’t question, only followed behind and sat down on the soft cushions. Practically melting into them.

He allowed himself to be soft, for just this once he promised. Only this once could he just rest comfortably, not worry about how others would see him. What they’d think or how they might judge. 

For only a little he would let himself just exist.

Chapter Text

Monday came around like a vicious virus. It crept up silently, biting Katsuki in the back. He wouldn’t be able to hide from his classmates. From that freckled freak that he ached for so badly late in the night. His voice haunted him, much like his mother’s only this one caused a different type of pain.

His mother installed fear, made his insides curl up and freeze. While Deku made his heart race, fingers tingle and legs get the urge to run as fast as they can until they were face to face. Something he had never felt before—he hated it. Dreaded the thought of walking through the classroom door and make eye contact—if he was strong enough to do so.

‘’Now classes will go on as usual, but during lunch I want to see you for a few minutes so we can discuss the plan moving forward.’’ Aizawa broke him from his thoughts. The blonde was pressed against the car door, ripping into his cuticles to calm himself. Riding to school in his teachers car was something he never thought would happen. ‘’I do want to talk about your mother and where we are going from here soon. I know it will be uncomfortable but it has to happen.”

‘’Thought you said you wouldn’t pressure me..” he grumbled quietly, ripping off another loose piece of skin. The sting brought him some satisfaction.

‘’I’m not..but look kid—this isn’t something we can just ignore. You were almost killed and we need to talk about the aftermath of something like that. You’re under our watch for now. This isn’t getting pushed under a rug. We are facing this. If it were up to me you would not be going back to classes right now.. So work with me too.” His heart ached at that. He didn’t want to—and he knew it wasn’t long term with these two men. One day he’d have to face another family—if he got that unlucky in foster care. He didn’t want to talk about it. He wanted to shove the event way down like he did with every outburst in his life.

The car came to a stop and he was quick to grab his bag, glaring at the tired man staring at him from the rear mirror.

‘’My mom tried to kill me, got caught and is going to jail. What else do I need to fucking talk about? Isn’t it enough that I had to live through this bullshit. Just leave me alone until you’re ready to dump me into the foster care.” He left no room for them to argue, slamming the door behind him with a spark leaving his closed fist. He was seething with anger.

Who fucking cared? So what it happened, everyone just needed to move on. They were making a big deal out of nothing.

This was normal.

He wasn’t worth it.

Every step towards the room had his hands growing wetter. His chest ached, nerves spinning around themself.

‘’Oh—hey man.” His shoulders twitched, head turning slowly. There stood Eijiro giving his usual shark like smile. Katsuki wasn’t prepared, he couldn’t face either of them. It was too soon—and he was sure he looked a wreck. Neck and face covered in a half ass make up job. ‘’How was your weekend off?” The red head questioned, holding open the door for the smaller.

His eyes scanned the room until it landed on the only person he truly thought about almost every awakening moment. ‘’-go?’’ Everything went numb, radio silent as their eyes connected. Deku looked tired, though just as beautiful as the last time they spoke.

Beautiful? No.

Don’t go there.

You don’t deserve it.

He looks away, digging his nails into his curled fist.

‘’Bakugo?” He was snapped back into reality when Eijiro very lightly tapped his hand. Grateful it wasn’t too hard and not too much pressure he didn’t jump. He just glanced up, sighing softly. He was so tired.

‘’Pretty shit.’’ He finally replied, hating how weak his voice was. No doubt from the strangulation. It was still scratchy, aching when he spoke too high and for too long.

‘’Oh dang man. Well at least it’s over and you got through it!” Eijiro was always obviously positive. He had no idea what he just went through and Katsuki prayed he never would.

‘’Right.” He sets his things down, glancing once more in the direction of the greenette, heart aching when the other quickly looked away.

He hated him.

You’re worthless.

The door was opened by Aizawa, who as always was tired and in a mood. Katsuki knew he only added to that—he brought everyone down with him as if he was a sinking ship.

For most of the class he was out of body. Tracing over the healing scratches on his hands. Staring down at the wooden desk while his mind raced on and on. Unaware of the other watching him, looking for any signs that he wasn’t okay. And he found many.

Izuku was no idiot—he saw the cheap foundation covering what? He didn’t know but he saw it. How his fingers shook, eyes unfocused and empty. How his leg was bouncing—teeth digging into his lower lip. Something happened only he didn’t know what or how bad it was. He wanted to reach out, cup his face and assess the problem.

But the self destruction was something he could no longer be a part of. He knew it was difficult it was a hard topic, a hard thing to go through. To tell someone about the abuse, to be loud and honest about it after years of holding it in. The shame he must feel would be suffocating. But watching him choose death over freedom hurt and he could no longer do it. But the distance hurt just as bad.

Anyone with two eyes could see how Izuku felt for him. It was no secret and no surprise that he cared. Ever since they were children he was right by his side, even with all the bullying, the teasing. He was right there. Ready to take his hand if he allowed it. He was his first and last thought before he slept. The reason he was still breathing on some days. Silly to most. How could you care for someone who hurt you for so many years? He didn’t know. Maybe he saw right through it. He knew he was hurting—putting up a wall to protect himself.

His anger was nothing but a shield, a barrier to keep others from seeing his true self. He was nothing more than a wounded child. Terrified to be seen, for others to judge and see all his biggest insecurities. He thought he was nothing without his quirk, without being number one. And maybe that’s why Izuku played his part, knowing if the other hurt him, was stronger—won more. Then he felt safe, he could function. And Izuku could stay by his side.

The bell rang and everyone stood. Everyone but Katsuki, sitting in the same position. His leg continued to bounce, fingers digging into his pale hand. Only now when he stood could he see the cuts.

What happened?

Izuku took small steps towards, glancing at Eijiro who seemed to also be worried. They knew the signs after watching him in his smallest headspace. The battle between walking towards him or leaving was almost impossible to win. He watched as Eijiro walked forward, kneeling down gaining the others attention. The blonde jumped, looking down with quick breaths.

‘’Hey buddy..the bell rang.” Izuku stood watch, brows furrowed. It seemed the other was teetering into small territory but he was fighting it. If his outburst did anything to show it.

‘’Fuck off. Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.” He hissed, grabbing his belongings with shaky limbs shoving past the other. Now they were face to face for the first time in a week. Katsuki froze up, staring at him with wide eyes. From here Izuku got a better look, heart aching. He looked exhausted. But he knew he couldn’t watch him decay. He just couldn’t. So selfishly he turned without a word.

Does he hate me?

Katsuki stood there for what felt like hours only it was seconds. Deku left without saying a thing to him. He must’ve really been serious about not wanting to deal with him anymore.

It wasn’t like that.

He shook his head, fine. He didn’t need him. He didn’t need anyone, he could do this alone. He was fine. Everything was fine.

‘’Bakugo, my office remember?” Why couldn’t anyone just leave him alone? He followed behind his sensei, hands urging to explode the next person who got too close. He sat down, dropping his bag onto the ground with a loud bang. Wanting to be as much of a brat as he could be.

He needed to push everyone away.

Did he really want that?

‘’Look, I need you to work with me too. I know this isn’t what you want to deal with. But you were almost killed kid. We need to make sure you’re okay. And that’s by therapy with Hound dog. We need to be able to talk about your mother and what is happening. How the court dates might go, how your future here will look.” His heart buzzed the more the other spoke. Therapy? His mother? Why did any of it matter?

‘’If I’m getting kicked out of this shit school just tell me now.” Came his reply, red eyes staring at Aizawa with a blaze in them.

‘’We are doing no such thing. You’ve done nothing to be let go like that. We just want to make sure you’re able to still go on without a small break or a step back.’’

‘’Why does everyone think I’m broken or something? I am fucking fine! I can handle this shit. I have been for years on my own! You all cared once it got bad enough!” He snapped, standing up with a shaky breath.

Where was the care years ago? Why did teachers stay silent at the sight of his bruises, before he had a way to hide it they were seen. Yet everyone turned. But now that he was almost killed they cared?

‘’I know..and I am sorry. I hate that I didn’t see the signs sooner..or step in when I had my suspicions. I am so sorry. That is why I want to do everything in my power to help now. It won’t erase my mistakes but I want to show you that you are safe. You don’t have to do this alone. You don’t need to anymore. You’re a kid..you shouldn’t—“ his hands erupted, an angry noise ripping from his chest.

‘’You don’t know shit! None of you do! I don’t need anyone! I don’t want anyone! I just want everything to go back to the way it was! I-I don’t want to do this shit anymore! I am so t-tired..I’m t-tired.” His voice broke, eyes growing wet. His chest was moving too fast to slow.

He was slipping, the pain was too much. Too strong. And his mind was taking steps back, hiding under the blanket of a safer mindset. A way to keep him safe from emotions that were too big— too heavy to understand.

‘’I-I..I c-cant..I just w-want to go away.” His words slurred, fist coming up to rub at his tear filled eyes. A hiccup came next, legs shaking under the weight of him. ‘’I-I’m..t-tired..” he whimpered weakly.

Aizawa watched with a heavy heart, one wrong move and the blonde might bolt. Never had he seen him break like this, it was rare for the blonde to show any emotions. He didn’t know what to do truthfully. So he took small steps forward, kneeling down so he wasn’t towering over him in such a vulnerable state.

‘’Breathe with me kid..come on..in and out.” He cursed silently, Hizashi was better at this. Aizawa struggled with vulnerability. He wasn’t one to calm someone down, he was used to shoving the emotions down, telling others to do the same out of fear of saying the wrong thing. And it seemed his attempt wasn’t working. The kid only seemed to panic more, choking on his wet sobs.

He grabbed his phone, sending his husband a fast SOS.

It felt like hours before the hero arrived, shutting the door softly behind him.

‘’Hey little man..come here.” Hizashi guided Bakugo to sit on the ground with him, shocking Aizawa that he was even let that close. Bakugo was quiet, sobbing still but he was different. Instead of blasting them with his hands he was soft, curling into himself like a small child would.

‘’Good job little listener. One more deep breath with me.” His husband guided the breathing exercises until they were able to calm him down. It took another five minutes but he was breathing normally again. Eyes downcast, hiccuping every few minutes.

No one moved, no one spoke. In fear of setting off another panic attack. And deep down neither of the adults knew what to do from here. Not when the usual stoic blonde was so broken. Something was off but neither knew how to help or what to call it. Bakugo Katsuki was different in this moment. But what it was? They didn’t know.

‘’Let’s get you some water then we can head home how does that sound? I’m sure Mocha could use some company.” Hizashi was the first to break the silence, the little blonde looking up when he was spoken to.

‘’M-Mocha..?” He whispered softly, his voice was so gentle so sweet. Something neither had ever heard before.

‘’Yeah little man, Mocha. Come on let’s stand. But easy now.” The pair stood, Hizashi keeping his hand out just in case the other needed it but he didn’t dare touch him. Not unless he was told to or given silent consent.

‘’Mocha..m-miss kitty..” Katsuki whispered to himself shuffling closer to the loud hero. The little felt safer with him—he was soft. Gentle. In a way he reminded him of a certain person.

Zuzu.

His smaller mind was aching for his caregiver. Either of them in that moment. It had been so long and he was so lonely so tired of being on his own with this. But he knew he coulnd’t just waltz up to the pair. Even the little knew something was wrong.

Maybe Mr. Shark teeth would want to see him? Maybe he could see Zuzu. No that would only upset his head, it wasn’t safe—just the thought sent off alarms. For now he just followed the bright hero, almost tempted to reach out and grab his larger hand. But he refrained, the fear of the unknown still heavy in his chest.

One thing was for certain, Katsuki was losing the battle of keeping everything bottled up and contained. It wasn’t healthy and it was eating him alive.

He was losing the battle.

Chapter Text

The ride home was quiet, no one spoke. Nothing made a sound other than the classical CD Hizashi put in before they took off. Shouta stayed behind, he still had training after class and truthfully he wasn’t sure he was able to be there for the other. Not like his husband could. No matter how badly it hurt to stay behind, he only made things worse.

‘’Alright little listener, let’s go get comfy.” The older blonde put the car in park, stepping out moving to open the door for the little still buckled in the back seat. His head lifts at the door opening, fumbling with the belt until it clicked loose. His steps were small, wobbly and unsure all the way to the top step. He felt small, too small. He hadn’t let himself feel this low since being with Deku.

‘’There she is, told you she missed us!” Hizashi cheered, pushing the door open a bit wider for the smaller to see the cat waiting patently by the steps. To Katsuki he felt such glee—someone was waiting for him. Excited.

He was wanted.

So with happy steps he rushed forward, a smile etching onto his pale cheeks. ‘’Kitty!” He chirped softly, voice still hoarse from earlier. The kitten flopped onto her side, purrs vibrating against Katsuki’s bruised hand. She felt like a cloud, soft and perfect for his aching fingers.

Finally he could breathe. Hizashi was worried, after seeing the little guy break down he was unsure if he would ever calm down. He wasn’t close to Bakugo—not like Shouta. He had him for one class while his husband had him practically all day. But he was no stranger to the child’s anger—the brutality of the other. So when he came into their life wounded and afraid something cracked in his chest. He had his own fears—doubts even of his behavior theories as to why he behaved in such a way. But like every adult in Katsuki’s life he let him down. Choosing to believe he was just an angry kid, stubborn and full of pride.

And the guilt he felt for making such a harsh judgment could never be described.

‘’S-She licked me..!” Katsuki gasped, giggling at the soft touch. He had never gotten so close to an animal before. His mother never allowed such things, even with all the begging he had done when he was younger. In his smaller brain he felt like he was on cloud nine. For now there was no need to be scared, no need to hide. This small creature accepted him, wanted him close. And that was something he never felt a day in his life.

‘’She did, she really likes you.” Hizashi replied, sitting down beside the pair. Watching them interact, he didn’t mind sitting on the cold floor. He would do this for as long as needed. Seeing the other relax, breathe hell even laugh was a sight he didn’t think he’d get to ever see again.

Though it was odd, he felt different. Everything about him felt off.

But that didn’t matter. Not right now.

It wasn’t until thirty minutes later that Mocha stood and stretched, heading to the next room and sweet Katsuki followed behind her. Eager for more pets and more time alone. Hizashi decided to leave them, moving to make dinner. Knowing any minute his husband would arrive home. Probably worried out of his mind. Not that he blamed him—the next steps in a case like this was scary. Every move could be the wrong one. Any comment, thought could spark hurt. Could cause every block being stacked to topple over. Even he struggled with what to do or what not to do. He so badly wanted to sit down with the teen and tell him all his thoughts. Question just exactly what he what through how long he endured the pain alone.

Therapy was non-negotiable. That was no doubt. But getting to that point could be messy. Katsuki was keen on shoving the incident down until everything boiled over. Not that it would. His mother was in prison. There would be a trial and if not careful that could go big. Her business was put on pause. People would start talking. And before that could happen they wanted to be prepared, ready to shut it down and to keep him safe.

Where he would go from here was another question for the couple. Could he be safe in their care? Or would he grow to resent them? He already couldn’t stand to look at them for very long. Though the incident was only a week ago. Fear and anxiety wouldn’t disappear over night. But the worry was there.

‘’Oh, you’re in here.” He was spooked from his thoughts with a jump, looking behind finding his husband standing in the doorway. His hair was messier, bags a bit darker.

It was eating him alive.

‘’Yeah..they’re in the living room still cuddling I assume. Thought I’d make some dinner.’’ He explained, turning back to continue mixing the ingredients jumbled in the pan.

‘’Smells good..” Shouta moved forward, wrapping his arms from behind letting his head drop forward with a tired groan. His body ached, it had been a long day. And his sleep was not something he was proud of. But he was awake with ongoing thoughts.

‘’Well after you cuddle me help me set the table and go fetch the little blonde okay?” His blonde husband suggested, shuffling to the side while Shouta was still clinging to him.

‘’Don’t you think that should be your job. The kid isn’t the biggest fan of me. And if he’s finally calm I don’t want to risk making it worse.”

‘’I know but..if he’s staying here for the time being we can’t have him hiding from you all day. He needs to know you’re safe too. Baby steps Sho.” Hizashi comforted, turning to cup his stubble covered cheeks. They were both scared to mess up, but you will in cases like this. It’ll never be perfect. Even in weeks or months from now one small trigger could make everything fall. But you had to start somewhere.

‘’Alright.” He sighed, peeling himself to let the man finish the meal. While he took a deep breath, heading towards the boy who couldn’t even look in his eyes without choking on his breath.

‘’Hey..” he spoke softly, knocking on the wall to alert his presence. Katsuki jumped, turning with wide eyes. Mocha was curled up on his lap, still purring just as loud as before. The sight was adorable, caused the tired man’s chest to tighten. He didn’t want to ruin the moment. “Zashi made some dinner if you’re ready to eat.” He watched for any evidence of discomfort or fear.

Katsuki quickly looked away, even when he felt small he knew that man meant bad news. Not like his mother—but he still caused his chest to tighten. Hands to grow clammy and warm. Mocha stared up at him with big eyes, chirping when his grip tightened. He moved slowly, keeping his eyes downcast, shuffling past his teacher practically running into the kitchen. Hizashi was safer—he was warm like sun rays.

‘’There he is, ready for some yummy teriyaki chicken?” Hizashi asked, setting down the plates with a grin. Shouta came in soon after, his shoulders slumped.

It hadn’t gone well. But no tears were drying on the child’s cheeks so it wasn’t terrible. That was a step forward. The room grew silent, silverware scraping on the plate while they ate. Katsuki fumbled with his utensils, much too small to cut his chicken correctly.

Need Zuzu.

You don’t need shit.

Hizashi who noticed and frowned, had the kid forgotten how to use a knife? No that couldn’t be it, he was cooking almost every night in the dorm. He scoots forward gently taking the utensils from him, causing the smaller to flinch.

‘’Let me help.” He cuts the meat into small pieces, glancing at his husband who’s furrowed brows proved he was wondering the same thing. What on earth was going on?

‘’T-thanks..” Katsuki whispered, chewing on his lower lip using one hand to pick up the chicken chewing a bit messy. It was good, warm on his sour stomach. His feet sway underneath him, eyes blinking slowly. He was growing tired.

Weeks ago it would’ve been time for a bath and getting ready for sleep. Zuzu was never late on this.

Don’t you dare fall asleep.

It hurt, his chest ached at the thought of his care giver. He missed him—missed the red shark man. It had been so long since the little was around safety like that. Around people who understood him, knew how to care for him and keep him from spiraling. Now here he was with two adults that only knew what they saw, what their minds came up with. He wasn’t safe to exist. He needed to wake up, to fight back against this weak embarrassing side of himself. He couldn’t risk anyone else seeing such a pathetic side of himself.

Sleepy.

He shook his head to snap himself awake, battling between big and small. Katsuki was terrified to be seen, but he was so sleepy. And when he was tired like this ignoring the call to be tiny was almost impossible. And especially after days of not allowing himself to even get close to slipping his body was exhausted from holding it back. Like it was a caged animal inside his mind scratching to get out.

He felt disgusted, weird and like a freak. Would they think that too?

‘’Someone’s tired.” Hizashi whispered, gathering the plates setting them down in the sink before he knelt down beside the teen. He looked so frail, his pale skin even worse under the kitchen lighting. From here he truly did look like a small child. His swaying and soft sounds didn’t do much to help that. ‘’Want to head up and get ready for some sleep, little listener? ‘’ the teacher whispered, aching to reach out and help him to stand. He looked like he was ready to fall forward.

‘’Mm..‘eepy.’’ Katsuki mumbled, rubbing an eye with a closed fist. He reached out for only a second expecting Deku to collect his hand like he always did. But he was met with nothing but cold air. The greenette wasn’t there and he wouldn’t be.

Hurts. It hurts.

Let it go. Just let it go.

Let go.

A sniffle left him next, but he sucked it back. They walked up to the bedroom, Hizashi was quiet. He helped him to pick new pajamas, gather the items for a quick shower before he left him to finish the tasks alone. Something the small was both grateful for and upset. He struggled in the shower, taking care of himself when his head was so conflicted was difficult.

Need Zuzu.

He finished soon after, having to wash his hair twice as he kept forgetting to rinse out all the soap. He put his soft cotton pajamas on next, his shirt backwards and a bit too long on his small frame. His bare feet padded on the carpet floors quietly, Hizashi was waiting for him in the bedroom, pulling back the comforters so he could just crash into the safety of the bed. The other adult was no where to be seen.

Thank goodness. Too scary.

“‘Oft.” Little Katsuki mumbled, scooting down until the blankets were pressed up against his nose.

‘’Soft? I’m glad. I hope you have sweet dreams little man. Goodnight.” Hizashi gave a soft smile, giving him one more look before he shut off the light and closed the door. The sight of the frail boy under all those warm blankets constricted his chest.

‘’I’m not the only one who notices something is different with him, right?’’ Shouta questioned from behind, a coffee in hand.

‘’No I see it. I just don’t know exactly what I’m looking at.” The hero replied, furrowing his brows.

Something was wrong with Katsuki.

Or something had changed.

Chapter Text

Anger.

An emotion Katsuki was on stranger to. He woke up with it rushing through his veins. Of course it wasn’t only anger that filled his stream. It was embarrassment, fear and loneliness. He slipped again, and bad. There was no doubt the adults watching him caught on. Or at least had questions. He wasn’t soft—nor was he quiet. He was angry full of fire.

The entire morning he was violent, shoving cabinets closed. Practically ripping his clothing fabric till they were around his skin.

‘’Well someone is eager to go to class.” Hizashi tried to joke but he was met with a growl, grumble of sort.

No time to joke then. At least they knew not to ask or question, they were no fools to his outburst like this. It meant to leave him alone, at least Hizashi knew so. For Shouta it was harder, he was still a teen and he was under their roof. The slamming, cursing and blatant disrespect was hard to brush off. Especially when it was aimed at someone he cared for.

He knew the boy was hurt, he had been through hell. But allowing such behavior was stretching it. He wouldn’t yell, no never. But this wasn’t something he could just ignore. This is where it became difficult.

‘’Bakugo. Must we slam things?” He questioned dryly, trying his best to remain stoic with no hint of anger in his words.

‘’I’m not slamming shit. This is how I am.” Katsuki snapped back, shoving the knife down harder to cut the next apple slice. Though it made a loud clank scaring away Mocha who was wrapped around his foot.

‘’I’m only going to ask once more. Stop with the slamming.” Shouta tells him, stern but once again no hidden anger.

Not that it mattered it bothered Katsuki. He just wanted everyone to fuck off. They saw him weak, they were judging him. He was just waiting for it to come out. So he glared up at him, throwing the knife into the sink storming past him.

It was almost as if he was testing them. Waiting for the facade to break, for their real sides to come out. It happened to everyone. In the end he broke everyone, made them all see who he truly was.

A monster.

A dirty Villian.

But nothing came, no one reacted and that set him off even more. He didn’t wait for a ride, he chose to walk. Not that it was far.

He shoves his bag down, letting it disrupt the classmates already inside. Just like yesterday Eijiro appeared first. He hated how his presence alone seemed to calm his vibrating nerves.

‘’Hey man, missed you yesterday at training!” He chirped, showing his toothy grin. Katsuki said nothing, allowing the other to yap his ear off. Not that he had anything special to attribute to the conversation. His chin resting against the palm of his hand while he stared ahead. What the red head was saying he wasn’t sure. It was muffled to him. Focusing on the blurred faces around them.

‘’Right?” Eijiro laughed, gently knocking their arms together knocking the little out of his mind. He shrugs in reply, having no clue what he was agreeing to. His friend’s eyes softened, almost like he could see that he was lost. He didn’t pry, didn’t push. Eijiro knew better than that. They were close but nothing could compare to his relationship with Izuku. It didn’t bother him—not too much. He knew their history was complex, basically glued to each other’s hips since birth. And while Katsuki was Eijiro’s best friend he wasn’t sure if it was exactly the same for the other.

Katsuki only stared ahead, his eyes burning holes into the greenette curly locks. Once again he did everything in his power to not even give a glance in his direction. Something Katsuki would never get used to. It hurt, caused his chest to feel as if it was caving in. Like someone was slowly carving out his heart day by day.

What had happened he would never understand. How could he go from following him around like a lost puppy to not even looking at him.

He used to be practically obsessed. He’d kiss his shoes if Katsuki asked. Now he was at a distance, ignoring and pushing him away. Like a big metal wall was placed between the two with no way of getting in no matter how hard he blasted at the damn thing.

Class went by in a blur, a test that Katsuki once again was not prepared for. His sensei kept glancing his way—probably still annoyed with him from this mornings outburst.

Good.

Push him away too.

Though he didn’t pry and there was no bother to make him stay behind. The little gathered his things, his eyes were focused on one goal.

Was this smart? He wasn’t sure but he was tired of the silence. He knew Deku was just worried but he was going about it in all the wrong ways. He had no idea what guilt the blonde carried—how difficult it was to face his demons. The embarrassment of coming out with the abuse. For others to see him for what he was. Weak. Useless. That he couldn’t even fight off his mother.

And to be judged, ignored and pushed aside for his fear? It was wrong.

His eyes were practically glowing with anger. Fingers itching while he dove forward slamming the boy into the lockers with an obnoxiously loud bang. Gathering the attention of students around—though no one dared to come forward.

‘’K-Kacchan!” Deku gasped, looking at him with wide eyes. Clearly shocked by the sudden assault.

‘’What the fuck is your problem, huh?!” He cursed, lifting his hand to slam him back down. Forcing a grunt from the other. ‘’How long are you going to just ignore me? What the fuck does that do?”

‘’K-Kacchan..I-I..just.” He was stuttering like a fish out of water and Katsuki was running out of patience. He was so tired of everyone. He was trying so fucking hard to just get through another week and the silence, the blind eye from someone he adored—

No.

Someone in his life hurt. He couldn’t understand it. He never would. How could you just ignore someone like that? For something so stupid.

‘’You say its cause you care—bullshit. You don’t give a fuck. You left me alone. Wouldn’t even give me so much as a glance. Why the fuck is that? You think I can’t handle it huh? Think I’m a fucking pussy! Well I’m not!” His voice grew in anger, hands sparking around the others wrinkled blazer. ‘’I’ve handled much fucking worse so just say it to my fucking face you Deku!” Before his hands could release their hot anger he was ripped back, grey fabric tight around his wrists. His chest tightened at such a harsh grip.

‘’Both of you stand down. Bakugo enough.” Shouta hissed, eyes glowing. The blonde wriggled in his grip, growling like a wild animal. He wanted to blow them both up. Deku did nothing but stare, eyes watering.

Pathetic.

Don’t cry. It hurts.

‘’Fuck off!” He screamed, tugging even harder at the restraints. His anxiety only grew, it was too tight and too soon.

‘’Midoriya follow me. We are going to talk this out.” Shouta ordered, very carefully guiding them back into his classroom. The stares did little to calm the fiery blonde. Who was still fighting, tugging and panting. Eyes became glassy, all he could see was his mother. Even when the door shut and the gossiping students were silenced. All he saw was her.

He could smell her expensive French perfume. Feel her sharp nails digging into his blue veins. Holding his small hands in place to teach him a lesson.

‘’Bakugo?” Shouta shouldv’e seen the signs, he was so focused on getting them out of sight he didn’t even think of the consequences of grabbing an abused child like that.

‘’Kacchan!’’ Izuku rushed forward, helping his teacher remove the restraints, kneeling down. The signs of a panic attack was right in face. His heart stung—this was his fault.

Kacchan thought the worst of him.

‘’Come on..breathe for me.” He whispered, gently guiding the blonde to sit. He wraps their hands together, intertwining their fingers. Shouta stood back and watched, afraid to move. Though he dropped his scarf over the back of his office chair taking a seat on the other side of his students. Waiting.

How could he be so foolish?

‘’C-Ca-an’t…m-mommy..I’m..s-sorry..please n-no more..no more!” Katsuki gasped, eyes filling with burning tears.

‘’She’s not here..I promise. She’s not here.” Izuku whispered, embarrassed to be near his teacher to do this. But he knew what Kacchan needed, if he had any guesses he was shoving that side of his brain down. Whatever happened was the reason for it. And his absence must’ve added to that mess.

No time to be a victim. Focus.

He lifts a hand, cupping his soft cheek brushing away each stray tear. ‘’There we go..good job. Come on one more big breath for me.’’ It seemed to be working, the little took a big deep breath gripping the others hand.

‘’Z-Zu..s-scared..” There it was again, Shouta thought. He was acting different—smaller.

‘’I know..I know you’ve been so scared. But I’m here now..I promise I won’t leave you, never again. I promise.” Izuku’s eyes watered once more, voice cracking. Just what horrors had happened since the last time they spoke?

‘’Z-Zu..!” Katsuki dove forward, hiding his face in the crook of his caregivers neck. His hands reaching forward to grip and tug at his blazer. He hadn’t felt contact like this in too long. Being away from the other was torture whether he wanted to admit it or not. For a minute the pair sat there, wrapped in each other’s warm embrace. Izuku knew he messed up, his childish behavior ruined the trust they had worked so hard to build. He was worried—terrified. But to corner and threaten the other to speak up was something he should’ve never done. No matter how justified his fear was.

‘’Midoriya..what is going on?” Shouta was the first to break the silence.

‘’I..I’m not sure Kacchan would be happy if I were to speak on his behalf. But he’s hurt..and he just needs support right now.” He replied, not knowing exactly what to say in that moment. He was so scared to let go, to lose him once again. Or worse—hurt him.

It was so much more complex than he could ever imagine. Being on the other side of one being abused was a difficult ride. Having to watch as they continue to choose to suffer when they could reach out for a hand was something he couldn’t understand. But he had never been in that situation so his judgment was uncalled for and unnecessary. He could only be by his side to catch him when he fell. To hold him up and wipe every single tear that fell.

He would spend the rest of his life making it up to him. If he even wanted to deal with him once he came out of this spell.

‘’C-cold.” Katsuki spoke, breaking his trance. With a glance to his teacher who acted fast—gathering his blanket from his chair to wrap around the little. The blonde cooed at that, curling up even closer trying to mold himself into Izuku.

Zuzu. He’s here.

Don’t leave.

Everyone always leaves.

‘’Warm?” Izuku spoke softly, lifting a shaky hand to very gently brush through his blonde locks. From here he could see the damage. A scab along his hairline, still an angry red. His chest burned, teeth digging into his lower lip.

‘’Mhm..warm.’’ Time seemed to slow down, it was just them in his world. The little was finally at peace, whether it was a dream or not his smaller mind didn’t mind. Didn’t care—wasn’t focused on why it was practically ripped to come forward and protect him. Izuku was here. And that was something he never thought he’d ever get to feel again. To hear his sweet voice.

It did wonders for the smaller.

‘’We’ll let him calm down for now. He shouldn’t have come back to classes so soon.” Shouta spoke, running a hand through his tangled hair. Everything was going wrong, he was doing all the wrong things for this boy. It seemed he only failed him in this process.

‘’So soon?” His freckled student questioned, still carding his fingers though the wounded child’s hair.

‘’It’s alright. Like you said. We shouldn’t speak on his behalf. All you need to know if Bakugo is under my care.’’

Under my care.

Meaning Kacchan was out of his mother’s grip.

Which either meant he spoke up or he was found out. Neither were good. But something had happened and he left him alone. Abandoned him.

‘’Oh..w-what should we do..? He looks tired. He might fall asleep soon. He usually does after a big..slip like that.” He hinted at the reasoning, going around the truth as best as he could. But if this was the little he knew, then he would knock out for an hour or so after a big panic attack. It gave time for his smaller brain to recharge-relax and either he would wake up big or in a healthier smaller state.

‘’I’ll have Present Mic continue with classes and I’ll take him home.’’ Shouta concluded, already moving to text his husbands the update.

‘’Take me with you.” Izuku spoke, confident and firm. Though he was unsure if that was a smart move. Shouta did not want to anger the problem child. Only minutes ago he was going to ring Izuku’s neck.

‘’I’m not sure if he’d be too happy about that.” He replied with a sigh, craning his neck in hopes to ring out the stress aches.

‘’I promise..if he gets angry I will take the blame but I can’t leave him. Not like this.” Izuku pleaded, tightening his grip around the said blonde.

‘’Fine..just—fine.”

Neither knew what would come from this. But one thing was certain—they both wanted to help Katsuki.

No child should ever go through this alone.