Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[image description: album art for Mourning Songs for Feral Dogs by Fate-Touched: a drawing of a dog biting into a person's wrist, with blood streaming down their hand. everything is drawn in shades of blue, except for the blood. the album title and artist name are written in red and made to look like dripping blood.]

TRACKLIST

1. When I Was Good - 4:04 (piano and guitar)
2. Born to Shiver - 4:24 (piano)

Chapter Text

[audio description: a wistful, nostalgic, disappointed song played on piano and acoustic guitar.]

LYRICS

woke up on the floor today
my hair thick with grease, my clothes all whiskey-stained
can't remember the last thing that I ate
do it all again tomorrow anyway

the better times are not as close as they appear
my leash tied to a post out in the snow for six long years
you used to scratch the itch I couldn't reach behind my ears
when I was good, when the magic was still here

I guzzle sugar to offset my sour blood
this acrid singing in my veins, a discordant hum
can't swallow down the aftertaste of what I've done
think I'll always be surprised by the rising of the sun

the warmer times are not as close as they appear
I swear the fur lining my coat is getting thinner every year
used to lay my head down in your lap so you could keep me near
when I was good, when the magic was still here

in the army I wore dog tags
if lost, take me back
to eyes greener than the grass
follow my nose
but it all smells like roses
through the glass

always feel the urge to chew
I need something in my teeth besides the memory of you
can't stop hoping that I'll catch you passing through
oh, there must be something else that I can do

the kinder times are not as close as they appear
feels like I've aged seven times for every passing year
you used to stroke my face and call me "dear"
when I was good, when the magic was still here
oh, I was good when the magic was still here
if I were good, the magic would still be here

Chapter Text

[audio description: a bitter, resentful song played on piano, getting more wretched and wailing as it progresses.]

LYRICS

things change
but you knew me start to finish the first time you said my name
I stay the same
is that what you want me to say?

I'm still lying in the ditch
still reading too much meaning into every little twitch
still mopping whiskey off the floor
nobody's paying me to do it anymore

you lost everything that day
I had nothing and I gave it all away
a debt too high to ever be repaid
is that what you want me to say?

I still come when you call
gravity still works: when you push me, I still fall
I've not forgotten how to play my role
you can let me off the leash, I'm still a watchdog on patrol

you've changed
your face and limbs all rearranged
I still grit my teeth through every pain
is that what you want me to say?

I took the shining emeralds from your eyes
I grabbed your next three hundred years and choked out all the life
that's the most of you that I have ever held
can you believe that you once looked at me and told me I'd done well?

empty credits on my resume
special skills: desert, steal, and betray
always hoped that I would make you proud someday
is that what you want me to say?

the world has changed
all its warmth gone down the drain
but I stay the same
I was born to shiver anyway

I was in the gutter anyway
I was just some human anyway
no one but myself who I can blame
is that what you want me to say?