Chapter Text
“I thought you were angry . . . but you’re on their side too?”
“Hero- I am on your side, I swear. I won’t . . . ever forgive them.” I took a step closer. “But I know you don’t mean it.”
“What do you mean I don’t mean it? I said it and I’m right.”
He took a step. Confusion mixed with the anguish on his face, turning his shouts into silence.
“It’s not you! I’m the judgmental one! I’m the one who’s supposed to get angry, and you’re supposed to be forgiving. You’re supposed to convince me into forgiving them- like you always have- like you always do!”
It's only after a beat that I realized I said all of this out loud.
And silence.
And-
“How did Basil even know how to tie a . . . . how to do that?” I blurted out, surprising myself.
More silence.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you still think he deserves to die? Even knowing how he felt, even back then.” The words are pouring out of my mouth, without even a thought provoking them. All I want to do is agree with him but my vocal cords are vibrating without my permission and nothing is making sense. Sure, maybe I’ve thought about it a little, but-
“It’s a sick thing to think. It’s a sick thing to do. It only proves my point.” Hero’s face was set, determined. He knew what he was saying. He meant it. And he wasn't going to back down. Maybe there is no something after all, and this is who Hero has become.
“Oh,” is all I could say.
The door creaked as I opened it. Hero turned away from me and sat down on his bed again, putting his head in his hands. I closed the door again before I said anything stupider.
Maybe I shouldn’t leave. I’m not sure if Hero is safe.
Kel was pacing in the corridor outside their room. His serious face lightened when I came out of the room, almost automatically, and he looked at me hopefully. I didn’t say anything, but he could tell that it hadn’t gone well. He could probably hear us, too.
“I hope my mom didn’t hear any of that.” He chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “I think she might never give my cassette tapes back!”
I laughed, and he laughed, but there was nothing to laugh about. Neither of us felt like doing anything else, though.
“I guess your basketball friends will be wondering where you are.” I half-heartedly joked.
He folded his arms behind his head. “I guessssssss-” he says playfully. “But I play with them like three times a day, every day- basically all summer. They know some stuff is going on.”
“Jeez! Every day? Do you do anything other than play basketball?”
“I hangout with my friend sometimes too, you know.”
“Oh?” I said. “Am I one of these mysterious friends?”
“You can be, if you want to.” He looked at me and smiled his normal ol’ Kel smile. In 4 years, at least that hasn’t changed.
“Well where do you want to go?”
Sitting on the monkey bars of an old playground was not what I had in mind.
Kel hoisted himself up, hooking his feet over the bar and pushing himself up until he was sitting on top. He made it look easy, being tall and all, even though it creaked under his weight
“You know, every time I give you a chance you pull some shit like this.” I yelled up to him from the ground without even attempting to follow him.
“Come on, have a little fun! I thought you were all tough and macho now but you’re still afraid of getting your clothes wrinkled.” He made his pointer finger and thumb into an “L” and stuck his tongue out at me.
“Real mature, jerkhole.” I rolled my eyes. He really hasn’t changed a bit. Still annoying as ever. One of the moms at the playground looks at me suspiciously. She looks familiar. Then again, most people do. Look at me suspiciously- I mean.
Girls really can’t have it any way. We’re sweet and wear dresses and we’re made fun of by teenage boys, or we toughen up and get made fun of by old ladies. Eh- whatever.
I backed up a considered able amount, before taking a running jump to the monkey bars, then swinging myself up. Unfortunately - my hand slipped and I found myself in the dust and mulch. I could hear Kel giggling as I dusted myself off.
“Oh shut it! You’re like seven feet tall, it's easy for you.” I shouted at him as I combed the mulch out of my hair.
“You do understand that this is for children who are much shorter than you.”
“Oh my lord, just give me a second!” I yelled. The lady gave me another disapproving stare.
I backed up yet again and I hoisted myself up- this time with no slipping. I popped up beside Kel, the monkey bars groaning under our weight. “See, easy.” I said nonchalantly. He narrowed his eyes at me.
“You’re out of breath.”
“Am not!”
“YOu’Re OUt oF BrEATh.”
I sighed and calmed myself before the old habits kicked in. “Are we sure this is even safe? This playground is from MEDIEVAL times- and you know it's bad when I reference something from history class.”
Kel shrugged. “Hasn't fallen on me yet. I come here like, all the time.”
I slapped myself in the forehead. “You terrorize small children this often?”
Now he’s the defensive one. “Well I let them get on when they ask!” He says defiantly.
“Well then what do you even do up here? What next, captain?” I say sarcastically, gripping the side of the bars.
“Just sit. What, are you afraid of heights?”
“No!”
“See that was a little too passionate? Do I see your knuckles turning white?”
I pulled up my hands from where they’re gripping the bars and put them behind my head before he can see them.
“Stop.”
“Okay, okay.”
The tiredness hit me right then and all I wanted to do is close my eyes and fall asleep. Kel quieted, and we both thought for a second. I swung my legs, trying to ignore the terrible creaking of the bars under me, staring at the silhouette of me and Kel.
“Earlier today I was so angry.”
“Huh?”
“But now I’m sitting up here with you.”
“Yeah.”
. . .
“I guess it's been a confusing few days. It feels like her death all over again.”
“Totally.”
. . .
“Don’t you have anything to say?” I inquired.
“I’m kinda sick of talking about it. Sure, everything is different and I don’t even know what to feel- but it's all I’ve thought about the past 24 hours. I just want to be here with you- and I wanted to be here with Sunny too.”
“Yeah.”
. . . .
“I’m the vague one now I guess.”
“Yeah.” He laughed. It's kind of awkward with everything happening but I suppose it doesn’t hurt to hang out with one of my friends a little longer. But there is still one more thing I want to ask.
“Can I ask you one more thing?”
“Sure.” He tilted his head at me, his long hair touching his shoulders.
I looked down again and crossed my legs.
“How’s Sunny?”
“What?” His eyes widened and he looked away, almost like he hadn’t anticipated the question. I mean, the only thing he can really anticipate in life is a rebound, but still.
“You heard me.”
“Well- he’s good.”
. . .
“He’s in the hospital missing an eye from fighting his co-murderer. Of course he’s good.” Kel flinched and looked away.
“I don’t know. He seemed fine- I guess. I didn’t look much into it. I mean, he’s quiet and closed-off, but he’s always been shy.” He shook his head and looked into the distance, his eyebrows knitted together. “I mean, I’m just glad he’s out of the house. I’m just glad he wanted to spend time with me.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be glad,” I said. Again- my brain and my mouth really aren’t coordinating today. But I do mean it.
No response from Kel this time. Not the awkward, tense silence that it's been today. He just doesn’t want to hear. He doesn’t want to listen to the truth.
But he’ll realize eventually.
“He’s been stuck in his house for so long. I don’t even know what he eats. I don’t even know what he does.” Kel put his head in his hands and rubbed his eyes, looking more stressed than I think I’ve seen him. “And he’s so thin, and pale. I don’t know what to do.” His voice broke, cracking into a higher register, as it so often did. But this time, it was different. Something choked him up.
I felt a pang in my heart, but it passed.
We sat, and looked into the distance. I could kind of see the lake through the trees.
Kel straightened, and I could hear him swallow.
“How’s church?” He said, his voice deep and steady again.
“It hasn’t been a week yet, dumbass.”
“Oh.”
“Plus I’m kinda banned.” I said sheepishly.
“What? What for?” We met eyes.
“You got me kicked out.”
“Oh. Sorry.” His shoulders slumped again, but this time I could see he was laughing.
“HEY!” I shouted. It was a shitty thing to do.
He started laughing harder, shaking the whole rickety monkey bars until I was holding onto them for dear life.
“What are you laughing for?” I screamed at him, pushing him over the best I could with one arm (the other was holding on, you know, for dear life).
“I-” He was interrupted as the disapproving lady, who had been eyeing us the whole time we sat up there, marched up to us. One of her kids was clutching her hand with no doubt sticky fingers that every child seems to have. She looked kind of familiar- and boy, she was mad. But I suppose I’ve dealt with plenty of mad moms before.
“What are you delinquents doing at this playground? This area is strictly for children.” She said, crossing her arms and staring up at us from her low spot on the ground. It didn’t help that she couldn't have been taller than five feet.
“We’re not hurting anyone.” Kel said, pretty neutrally. Almost thoughtfully.
“You have been disrupting everyone here with your loud, crude language! Don’t you know that children play here? Plus, my children want to go on the monkey bars, and you are hogging it selfishly!” She pushed the kid in front of her, who looked very much like he didn’t want to be here.
“Well, your child didn’t ask.” I interjected, putting emphasis on ‘your child’. I sat back, trying to hold back my laughter.
“And playgrounds are meant for everyone.” Kel said, on a kinder note. Poor, sweet Kel.
“Well-” Her face was turning red, and again she seemed somehow familiar, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
“Sorry!” I interrupted her. “It's hard to hear up here, could you possibly talk any louder?” This time I let a few of my laughs out.
That poor mom’s face got redder and redder as Kel and I giggled at her from above. She stepped back, pushing her child behind her like we were going to pass on some acting-out virus to him. This was no longer about the monkey bars, anyways, if it even was to start with. And here comes the outburst-
“Aubrey, dear, you are so rude!” She shouted.
A pause. The laughing subsided.
“How do you know my name?”
“I knew you were trouble the moment you started going to our church with that father and mother of yours! And ever since he left you have been uncontrollable! Starting fights in church like some, some delinquent!”
So much for caring about the playground environment
She shook her finger at me, true, suburban mom hatred in her eyes. She even went as far as to kick the monkey bars post. It screeched like it was being murdered.
But I wasn’t laughing this time.
I know where I recognize her from.
Church.
I felt my face get cold, and hot, and everything in between.
“Tell your mother she ain’t raising you right! No wonder your father went away. And now you’re wearing scandalous clothes, messing around with boys, and disrupting our neighborhood!”
She looked satisfied.
I sat on the monkey bars. I didn’t know what else to do.
“Aubrey.” Kel shook my arm. “Let’s go.”
Somehow I got down from the bars, and somehow I walked with Kel across the street, and onto the sidewalk on the other end.
“I wanna play on the slid-” The kid started to say.
“Shh.”
. . .
“I’m sorry I got you banned from your church.” Kel said.
“They didn’t want me there anyways.”