Chapter Text
"You know, when I think about it. I mean, when I really think long and hard about it, I sometimes wonder if he ever will come back.
I mean, that's what they said in the legend, 'Arthur will rise again!'
Well, I suppose I miss it all really. You see, I was only serving boy. I had Gaius take me in to make sure I didn't cause any trouble.
Good ol' Gaius 'ey? Hmm.
You know, I thought of him as a father, cared for me, fed me, gave me a place to stay. I mean he was a right grump sometimes but still, I could never thank him enough for what he's done for me.
I know! When I see him again I'll tell him I will.
But then again I'm not sure how it works, I mean does time still carry on as normal back there? Does the time freeze? What if I don't get to go at all.
I'll never see that beautiful castle again. Magnificent it was!
Oh, if only you could see it! You'd have liked it there. I can picture it now, you'd probably be knight, with your strength and bravery. Going out to defend the kingdom, slaying the creatures that threat it's protection.
Red!
That was the colour! I knew it'd come back to me, it always does.
Yes, red capes and silver armour.
I remember how long it took to make it shine, polish it for hours I did. Never once did he say thank you. Never once.
After all I did for him, you know really it was me who saved Camelot half the time. But I could never tell him who I really was.
No, Gaius said it was too dangerous, that I'd be burnt at the stakes!
But he would never do that to me, not my Arthur.
You know, he was much more different than people would think. You see, he was admired for his bravery, which he was of course. The bravest man I've known. But deep at heart he cared much more than he'd let show. He loved that kingdom. And Guinevere.
Deer sweet Guinevere, so lovely. Her heart was always so full of love, and she always looked beautiful. Charmed any man that lay eyes on her. And what she felt for Arthur, now that was true love if I've ever seen it.
I miss her, and now she's lost Arthur too, poor girl. They really had something, Arthur was so much happier when they were together. Even I couldn't make him that happy.
I wish it could have worked between us. It's probably my biggest regret. I felt something with him that I had never felt before, it was deeper than love. I never really acted on my feelings in those days, I always thought that it was the magic that blinded us together, nothing more.
'Two sides of the same coin'. That's what they used to say about us.
But don't worry, when I go back I'll tell him.
I'll tell him 'Arthur, believe me when I say, I never loved anyone more than I loved you. I mean, I know it's been years but, right know, I could tell you that my world was darker without you. I could tell you that I felt a deep pain which would burn and ache whenever I thought about you. I could tell you that I felt my heart sink and I'd struggle to breathe when I knew I couldn't have you. I could tell you that I felt sick from the pit of my stomach when I knew that my love would never be returned.
But seeing you again, after all these years, I've learnt that I don't need to let you go, we have each other to have and to hold. We have a whole lifetime ahead of us and a whole past behind us. So believe me when I say, I love you, Arthur Pendragon. Till the rest of my days'
And he'll take my hand in his and look deep into my eyes, and whisper back 'I love you too'. He'll hold me at last, his arms wrapped around my waist and I'll feel the warmth of his body on mine. And now we'll have each other and that's all we really need. So many years of regret, but none of that matters now. He'll be my dollop head, my clot pole. I'll be in his arms and nothing else will matter. Before are bodies part he will lay a sweet kiss on my cheek, then we'll smile at each other before we take our first kiss.
He'll come back for me you see, and then I'll be fine.
You won't need to worry about me anymore, I won't need to take these small potions or whatever you call them nowadays. I'll get dressed by myself and make my own food. You can tell the nurses that I'm allowed out of bed and you won't have to keep coming to visit me all the time. In fact, tell them now, my Arthur is coming very, very soon."