Archive of Our Own ^beta

He hadn’t had a night off in weeks, the hospital being understaffed he’d been called in for the night shift seemingly without end. But finally, he’d been set free and could enjoy the subtle comforts of his clean and soft sheets. He groaned softly as he smushed his cheek deeper into his pillow.

Chishiya's tank top bunched up as he rolled around to get into a more comfortable position, exposing pale skin to the cool air of his apartment. He was just on the cusp of sleep when the pulsating, blaring and annoying ringing of the fire alarm jolted him awake like a bucket of ice water being thrown over him. Not thinking straight- ignoring the gnawing in his gut that he should always be thinking straight, that he doesn't have the safety to think otherwise- he scrambled out of bed and out of his door without a thought. Years of med school with student accommodation had taught him many things, one of which was to grab a pair of well-worn trainers before slamming his door closed and hurting down the stairs barefoot.

A few other tenants followed alongside him all in similar states of undress. Light t-shirts and pyjama shorts were all he registered as his mind filled with the screeching alarm. On and on it went and he felt his breaths quicken minutely at the sound. It was strange but then so was most of his behaviour nowadays after the accident. Small things seemed to trigger him like loud noises- relatively understandable all things considered- or horses- absolutely abnormal in his personal opinion. One night, after a particularly hard and blurry nightmare, he’d written out a list of all the things he found that made his heartbeat raise. Hearts, scales, guns, thousands of small things that sent his mind racing a thousand miles per hour but he felt no understanding as to why he felt these reactions besides a constant tug on his gut that it was right. That even if his brain couldn’t figure it out his gut knew.

He was jolted out of his thoughts as brisk air his bare gangly legs. Cursing his choice of sleepwear- briefs and tank that were more hole than fabric with how old it was- he quickly walked to where the crowd of complaining cranky people thinned out. He settled on the floor with his back against an old brick wall with his knees to his chest. Conserving what little heat his body had he resigned himself to a freezing night of people-watching in underwear. A habit he hoped not to make, but with the few complaints he’d paid attention to of how this was the ‘second time this week- 8th this month’ he feared he’d be forced into it whether he liked it or not.

His eyes roamed the few others who sat on the outskirts. A couple he recognised as the noisy pair two floors down- their fights were legendary for waking the entire complex up. No doubt that nasty fact was why they sat so far apart from the rest. An elderly lady and what looked to be her son forced his nightshirt onto her to keep the biting chill of night away from her fragile skin. A lanky boy a few years his junior huddled in joggers, a hoodie, and a fluffy blanket…huh. From across the concrete yard, their eyes made contact and it was like a thousand reels of fried tape rolled in front of his eyes as his heart twisted in recognition. Chishiyas's lips pulled into a grin as he watched the man stumble to his feet like a newborn lamb before waddling over hastily and standing in front of him.

“I…would you like to share my blanket?” the other asked as he stared at the ground, now profusely refusing eye contact. His hands fiddled with the edge of the aforementioned item, drawing attention to the stunning length and slimness of his fingers. A soft rosy colouring dusted his cheeks- from embarrassment or cold Chishiya couldn’t care- that when paired with his dishevelled hair only made him look cuter.

Deciding to tease the adorable man in front of him, he smirked and asked in a coy tone, “ Why not share with someone else like that old lady over there? Don't you think she needs it more with her brittle bones…”

“Arisu” he filled in the gap quickly.

“I wasn’t asking your name, Arisu, but rather waiting for an answer.” In reality, he was asking for the other's name, but the way the blush deepened and he bit his chapped lips looked so appealing at the light tease he couldn’t help himself. It was only 1:38 am by his watch, he had hours before he had to do his daily good deed and he could indulge himself in a little play.

Chishiya expected another shy and short answer but felt his pulse jump as Arisus's eyes hardened and a pink tongue stuck out to wet his plump lips. “I think you were asking for both. My name and speeding along my answer, you’ve already got one of those things”, he held out one hand with a finger raised before continuing,” but the reason I asked you and not her or anyone else is because you’re the only one with goosebumps so harsh I might as well have seen them all the way over there.” As he said that he pulled out a pair of fingerless gloves from his pocket before offering them to Chishiya. It would be a godawful look and wouldn’t do much to keep him warm but already his fingers were turning a harsh pink and the fabric looked soft and worn. “I’d also rather be stuck the next 40 or so minutes with you than hear her mindless ramblings or feel her boney hands slide around my arm again,” he added like an afterthought.

His eyes drifted back to the lady, staring intently at her hands. Wrinkly skin was abnormally stretched across harsh mountain-like knuckles and yellowed nails fussed with her son's face with hushed whispers and a wicked smile. He personally wouldn't want those fussing hands anywhere near him either but a certain word caught his attention. "again? Do you mean to tell me I'm not the first person you've shared your blanket with? I'm hurt Arisu. I thought I was special."

Sighing Arisu unexpectedly dropped down right beside Chishiya with a soft thud and an arm extended in a silent offering as thought over his next words. Accepting it, he wiggled closer to the warm and inviting body with minimal fuss at the closeness. He was a stranger- this was weird- but some small part of his mind nagged that it wasn’t that abnormal to be close to people. His rational part told him that nagging was his survival instinct reminding him how people huddle together to conserve body heat between them. His less rational heart told him it was a much deeper need than that.

Arisus's mouth opened and closed like a fish for a moment, his brain battling between two questions before he finally settled on one. “Is this your first alarm?... I’m sorry I never got your name.” It was a god-awful question, conveying nothing of what he wanted to know. Nothing to indicate the answers he craved, the words he wanted to be etched into his skin. The stupid burning need distracted him from the words Chishiya was giving him.

“You never got my name because I never gave it. It’s Chishiya and yes this is my first alarm. Working in a hospital you get the incredible benefit of having the worst sleep schedule on earth. I don't even think I’ve been in my apartment this time of day in a few weeks.” He felt slightly weird offering that information up so easily, but a part of his soul felt free with each truth he spoke. A particularly nasty breeze fluttered through and a violent shiver ran through his body before he could stop it. Noticing it Arisu moved his arm to rest around the other's shoulders and awkwardly pull him into his chest like his frail body could shield him from the elements. The strange action brought a small smile to Chishiyas's lips.

“Huh…never would have guessed you worked in healthcare…” Arisu trailed off as his other hand-picked at the dried skin of his lips. His eyes had glazed over lightly in a way that rivalled Chishiyas's own eyes when that fried tape rolled across his vision. Leaning his weight a little more into Arisu and repeating his question “What did you mean by again?” seemed to draw the boy back into his mind. The subtle actions had his desired effect- bringing Arisu back without jarring him into feeling like he had to talk about it.

Personal experience told Chishiya all he needed to know about the likelihood of anyone opening up when they had that look.

“One night- a little warmer than this but still grossly cold- the alarm went off. She was sitting on her own because her son was working…or on a trip? Or on date…he was gone anyway and I felt bad because- I mean- look at her. She looks like a kitten's sneeze could knock her dead and I had a blanket so I offered to share it. That however led to her digging her hands into my arms and neck and chest as she spoke of how she wanted to fatten me up whilst talking about her children. She was nice! But…a bit much on nights like tonight.” He fumbled through his story clumsily, like he was missing things out on purpose and pretending it had been an accident by getting parts he told wrong. Chishiya couldn’t work out why but his gut told him it was abnormal for Arisu.

Sighing softly, resigning himself to the possible fate of talking about nothingness for the next 20 or so minutes, he asked: “And what's ‘just enough’ on nights like tonight?” He expected an awkward laugh, perhaps his head tilting back as his shoulders jumped. Stumbles of naps or silence or even to talk about god know what. Instead, he got confused shuffling before he revealed his unlocked phone. A number of apps littered the screen- almost all some sort of puzzle game he’d find the average mum playing.

“Would you like to play a game with me? I have chess somewhere on here?” His thumb was idly scrolling through page after page filled with brightly coloured apps, no doubt searching for the chess one. Strangely though Arisu made no show of his movements and instead stared just off to the side of Chishiya’s eyes. He threw the ball into Chishiyas court, let him choose how he served it and in turn how the night would end. The nervous excitement was clearly bubbling under the other's skin but it wasn’t contagious. Arisu wouldn’t convey his need for chess to be played any more than he thought he could get away with.

Chishiya turned his head to face out into the yard once more, taking a moment to think. Something about Arisu felt off. It wasn’t just insistent tugging on his stomach that he knew this man more than a stranger could, it was deeper. Buried deep beneath layers of med training and pure instinct. The alarm was still blaring from inside the complex, clawing at his brain until it hit cleared the grime of distractedness from him. Suddenly as he heard the final blare of the night it clicked.

Arisu was prepared. It was such a simple thing he felt foolish for missing it. The clothing, the blanket, the fingerless mittens, it all felt to prepare for the cold. Now, it wasn’t abnormal to sleep in joggers or thick clothing but he certainly stood out amongst the many other tenants. But the other items told for some sort of awareness uncommon so late or before organisation- two characteristics he was sure Arisu didn’t have if his bedraggled appearance told him anything. Most strangely was his phone charge, 96%. From a quick glance at other tenants they either have no distractions or are like him- their phones dead or close to it. It was as though Arisu had expected to be stuck out here and needed entertainment.

Turning his head once more to stare deeply into Arisu's eyes, he was stunned to see a deep burning loneliness. Dark eyes, rimmed with thick lashes and deep set bags, with pools of solitude, depression, and grief riddled throughout like stars in the sky. Suddenly the preparation felt so easy to understand. This wasn’t a man prepared for the alarm but a man who hadn’t planned to sleep anyway, who’d been on his way out and about. Most likely to stalk the empty streets defenceless and alone ready to…ready to end it. Or at least unfearing of death.

But set back behind it, further than Chishiya intended to stare, was a tidal wave of want, desire, and need that came crashing into his original theories and tore them up like a tsunami. He didn’t want it to end, he wanted to escape it but couldn’t do it alone. He needed someone to talk to him, to see him as a person and not the empty shell most would see.

“I’d love to play a game with you, although I will warn you I was junior national champion 2 years running.” He wouldn’t be the one to save Arisu. He knew that he was a doctor but not a good person. Not a good friend. But a small game of chess might just be enough to fuel Arisu till he finds someone who can help him. His good deed of the day, his one step closer to bettering himself for that blurry man from his memories.

They played the game mostly in silence, occasionally muttering about each other's moves and complimenting them. Somewhere along the way they’d shuffled closer and closer as the night got colder and their limbs grew numb. Now, more in Arisus's lap than on the freezing concrete floor, Chishiya toothily grinned as the other fell perfectly into his trap. All he needed was 4 moves and he’d take Arisus Queen and then game easily.

An arm wrapped itself around his stomach, Arisus's long thumb idly stroking up and down his ribs. Normally this amount of physical touch would send him sprinting in the opposite direction, but he chose to believe the reason now was different was due to the cold and not the fuzzy feeling building in his stomach at the gentle and familiar touches. He watched intently as Arisus's boney finger slid his knight into his new spot and froze when he felt a small smile press into his barren shoulder.

“Checkmate”

Chishiyas's eyes scanned the digital board for a way out, for how he lost, for what he’d overlooked. His brain went into overdrive as he sought for a solution he would never find. He’d lost his first game of chess in years and strangely he felt happy about it- Giddy even. Tracing over all the moves Arisu made with his fingers he felt a burning fill his heart as he realised all the moves he’d read as silly mistakes were key parts to his overall plan. It was exhilarating to face someone so different in style. He needed to see more, to see if it was a fluke or if Arisu truly was someone equal to him.

Someone he might want to keep around.

Just as he opened his mouth to ask for a second game a short and slightly pudgy lady came up to the pair. “We’re able to go back inside now, it's been checked and there's no fire.” as quickly as she said she rushed off to another small group who looked as engrossed in their own world as they had been.

The reminder of why they’d been outside and the revelation that he could go back to his warm bed knocked any sort of energy he’d found right out of him. He could get at least 6 hours of good sleep before he logically had to get started on being a person if he left now. He scrambled up off of Arisus's lap, gritting his teeth as the cold made itself known again now that he was outside of the hot little space they’d made together.

He made a rushed stumble to the doors before stopping as he heard no footsteps behind him. He turned around a few feet into his walk and saw the joy in Arisus's face slide out into melancholy. Honestly, Chishiya wanted to slap himself for completely forgetting why he’d agreed to the game of chess. He felt like the walking dead but he knew he couldn’t leave letting the intriguing man look like a kicked puppy again.

“Next time” he started, internally smiling as Arisu looked up with the biggest pair of tear-shined doe-eyes he’d ever seen, “on nights like tonight feel free to come to apartment 5c okay? No need for alarm pulling and disrupting everyone’s sleep.”

Not letting the other answer, he turned around and briskly walked away. There, make that his second good act of the day. Fiddling with the stolen mittens he wondered how much this act would bite him in the ass.