Chapter Text

“Neither of the fighters are able to continue! The fight is a draw!”

Sakura only heard the words through a daze, like she wasn’t really in the same room as where they were being spoken, like someone was yelling them but something was pressing against her ears, muffling the sound. 

They couldn’t be talking about her either because that just wouldn’t make sense. She could fight, Sakura knew she could fight if only she could just open her eyes and see. She would beat Ino as soon as whatever was weighing her eyelids down passed and-

Sakura was faintly aware that her body shifted, lifted gently into the air and that something, or someone, was holding her up for just a few seconds before she was being placed back down onto cold stone with her back resting against what must have been the wall. 

And then, nothing. 
Nothing, as things slowly came back to her and the blurriness left her head and her eyes.

She had lost. Sakura knew that was what had happened before she even really was completely back to her senses. 
She, Haruno Sakura, had lost her fight with Yamanaka Ino. 
She had been knocked out in nothing more than a common fist-fight during her chuunin exams. It was embarrassing. It was pathetic. 
Why was she even there, Sakura thought to herself as she took stock of her body. While she had surely had a taxing few days in the forrest of death, she wasn’t hurt to the point where she should have been unable to fight, not if she was really strong enough to be in the arena in the first place. No-one who called themselves a kunoichi or a kunoichi in training would ever lose such a pitiful fight.

As the many and harsh realities settled themselves upon Sakura, she didn’t even notice Kakashi as he crouched down beside her before he was already speaking to her. 

“-Kua? Looking a little pale and distant there, Sakura. I don’t think you hit your head too hard but we can have a medic look you over if you think you might have a concussion.”  Kakashi had spoken with slight concern but he was still wearing his usual smile, or as much of a smile she could see since it only really showed through the narrowing of his eye. 

“No, I'm fine Sensei.” Sakura assured him. She was fine, at least physically. If Kakashi didn’t even look that worried, still smiling and he had even been watching the new fight as she woke up, she would be fine. She had been knocked out by a fist, that was all. Not even a ninjutsu or a kunai or a sword. She would be fine. 

“Hmm, make sure to let me know if you start to feel dizzy or nauseous,” Kakashi said before he turned back around, already watching the new fight. 

Something inside of Sakura cracked just a little. 

Sakura honestly thought she had hit rock bottom at the massive failure that was her chuunin exam. She couldn’t have possibly imagined a way that everything could get worse. But then maybe she just lacked the imagination necessary. Her team did have terrible luck after all. The universe had all of the imagination that Sakura lacked and team 7 had crumbled before her eyes. There was nothing she could do to stop it. 

Still, she should have understood what was happening when she had stood on the hospital roof, two deadly ninjutsu coming closer, boxing her in with a promise of certain death. 

Sakura wasn't even quite sure how she had ended up on the roof. She remembered having gone to the hospital, like she did almost every day, to visit her team and her classmates, but instead of finding Naruto and Sasuke in their hospital beds, she had heard voices through the open window.

The noise in itself had almost been scarily familiar with how used she was to listening to Sasuke and Naruto arguing and yelling at each other, but still, something about it that day had been different. There had been a new kind of anger in their voices, a finality to the words that they threw at one another that Sakura had never heard before. 

Before Sakura even noticed what she was doing, she had slipped through the window and jumped from balcony to balcony until she reached the roof.

What she saw when she reached the roof was something she would never be able to forget, no matter how desperately she wanted to erase the sight from her memory. It seemed that the flashing lights had permanently seared the image onto her brain. 

Sasuke and Naruto, her team-mates for better or for worse and two people who she. despite everything, truly cared deeply for, were aiming at one another with their most deadly techniques. 

Sakura saw as the muscles in their legs tensed, how the boys’ posture shifted back just minutely before they were like coils, drawn taught and ready to explode. 

The same split second where the two boys leaped for one another, was the same that Sakura moved.
Where the boys before had a clear path through which they aimed to kill, Sakura now stood, praying that her team-mates would be okay, that they would just stop fighting even if she had to take the hit for both of them. For once, Sakura was ready to protect them and didn’t even need to consider the consequences, she just wanted them to stop fighting.

But Sakura didn’t take the hit and Sasuke and Naruto didn’t notice how close they had been to killing their third teammate as Kakashi was suddenly there to redirect the attacks. 

It wasn’t until after Kakashi left her there, forcefully leading the boys back to their hospital rooms, that the fear of dying finally set in. 
Or maybe not really fear, but an understanding that even when there was no enemy, Sakura had not been able to protect her teammates with anything other than her body as was she merely a civilian. 
It was scary to realize that death was the only place she was headed and she was too weak to protect herself, let alone anyone else. 

She couldn’t even make Sasuke or Naruto stay.

Team 7 was never officially disbanded, but as Sakura was the only member left, it might as well have been. She had received a letter from Kakashi saying that training would be halted until further notice, and by the looks of it, that meant indefinitely. Sakura hadn’t even seen Kakashi sensei around Konoha since Naruto had left to train with Jiraiya, just a few weeks after Sasuke had deserted. 

It had been depressingly easy for Sakura to get used to her new routine as a genin without a sensei or a team to take missions with. The only thing keeping her from being a civilian was the diploma that hung on her wall, proving that she had graduated from the academy. 

Other than that, Sakura now lived her life like a civilian. 
She still made an effort to train every morning, running laps and practicing her aim with kunai, senbon, and shuriken, but she knew she wasn’t getting any better, not by a margin that mattered anyways.  After her morning training, Sakura had taken to helping in her mother's stall at the market where they sold vegetables. 

It was jarring to her that this really could have been her life all along. Selling vegetables with her mother until she was old enough to start working for her father. 

Konoha, like other major Shinobi cities, was largely split up into civilian and ninja clans, but for general safety and many cultural reasons, almost all children entered the ninja academy at age 6, just like Sakura had. However, unlike Sakura, most civilian kids stopped their Ninja education when they graduated at age 12. That had originally been the plan for Sakura as well, but much to her parents' displeasure, Sakura had loved studying to be a Ninja. Sakura was smart and the material she was given during her lessons at the academy was much more advanced than anything she got at the civilian school she went to during the early evenings. 
At the academy, maths was used practically and language skills were taught with a goal in mind. At the civilian school, she was treated like a kid who had to learn grammar and multiplication 'just because' and the imagined importance of the academy had enchanted Sakura. 

It had taken several gigantic tantrums, but in the end, Sakura had been allowed to continue her Ninja education after her academy graduation, at least until she reached chuunin or until she was needed in the family business. 

Now, she was right where she would have been if she had never joined Team 7. 

Being civilian born had always meant that Sakura usually had a better idea about the politics that weighed on the minds of the people of Konoha, if you excluded the politics concerning the major clans, that was.  
For some reason, it was only after Sakura's own team had crumbled into dust that she understood how truly extraordinary her graduating class at the academy had been. Almost every single major and minor clan from Konoha had a representative in the class, and to make it even more exceptional, most of those kids had been the heirs of their respective clans. 

Sakura had been one of just a few civilian-borne kids in a class of keke genkai and secret family techniques, and it wasn’t until she was out of that environment that she understood the politics behind it.

The clans had always been powerful and had a lot of pull when it came to the decisions that shaped the future of Konoha. It didn’t even really matter whether or not they had a member of their clan present on the council or as an adviser to the Hokage, they had enough power to have a say no matter what. 

As a civilian born, Sakura had practically grown up listening to conversations about how unfair that was to the civilians of Konohagakure. 
Sakura couldn’t even count the amount of times the topic had been brought up at dinner parties and by that point she could practically predict the way that the conversation would go. 
At first, someone, often her own father, would bring up the current political situation in regards to recent developments. Then, they would debate the most likely outcomes of the situation and then it was only a matter of time before the clans were brought up. The conversation usually ended on the topic of the town's safety. 
Who was going to protect the civilians and the civilian part of the town when the clans only ever cared about the clans themselves? 

Sakura realized that her graduating class had been the civilian fear made reality. Too many clan kids and not enough civilians joining the protective forces of Konoha.
That was also why Sakura couldn’t say that she was all that surprised when she was summoned to the Hokage's office a few weeks after Team 7's unofficial resolution. She was well-read enough with the Konoha history books to know that there were a number of things the Hokage would have to do to uphold the ranks of Konoha’s military forces.

Following the Konoha Crush, the city of Konoha had been in shambles as there had been a noticeable loss in the ranks of ninja and the city itself was all but in ruins. Everyone knew that field promotions would be happening and that it was only a matter of time before Genin and Chuunin were called to the Hokage to receive their new ranks.

The chuunin who would be promoted to jounin most likely wouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone. Sakura imagined that it would be much like the last time the city had lacked elite ninja. The Hokage would call in Chuunin who already had a few recommendations for the jounin exams and give them the title of tokubetsu jounin until the next round of exams where they would get the chance to prove themselves once and for all. 
Not that Tokujo needed to prove themselves, but in the case of a field promoted tokujo who would have otherwise taken the exam, it was a case of pride. There was no respect in having the status of the elite if everyone knew that you had gotten the title under special circumstances. 

With Genin, however, promotions to chuunin were almost a free-for-all. 
And so, Sakura had stood in the back of a room packed with newly promoted Chuunin, having just been given a promotion she could never live up to. 

“We expect for all of you to rise to the challenge and take on the responsibility that this promotion places upon you.” Tsunade, the newly appointed Hokage's voice boomed across the room“ You have all proven yourself worthy and you will continue to do so. Dismissed!” 

Sakura, who had been in the corner of the room, didn't move as the many newly promoted chuunin filtered out of the room, many of them already excitedly pulling on their new flak jackets that symbolised their new status within the ranks of ninja. 
Sakura too was holding a bundle of green in her hand but she didn’t want to put it on. It felt wrong just knowing it was hers and putting it on would feel like cheating. Sakura had had plenty of time since she had failed out of the chuunin exams to understand just how much talent she lacked before she could ever hope to actually move up the ranks. 
Now she had gotten it served up on a silver plate without having to work for it. It made her feel sick. 

“Haruno. You are still here?” Tsunade's voice was strong and loud as ever but her words were said in question and not dismissive. She wasn’t looking to just throw Sakura out of the room. 

“I don’t deserve this promotion,” Sakura said as she forced herself to keep her voice as strong as possible while she took a few steps closer to the Hokage's desk. 

Tsunade looked her over and leaned back in her chair. “No you don’t.”

Sakura breathed out heavily. It was oddly soothing to know that she was right about her deduction but jarring to know that she was being promoted when everyone knew that she wasn’t good enough for it, not by a mile. “Then why?"

Tsunade sighed heavily. “Politics,” the Hokage admitted. “Old men who have seen too many wars to appreciate human life and are more than prepared to send 12-year-old girls on missions that will kill them. You are here so that the list of promoted genin isn’t entirely made up of clan kids and heirs.”

Sakura was stumped. The many conversations she had heard about this topic at family gatherings ran through her mind. She had known that there would be promotions, she had known that civilian kids would have to be promoted too and that her generation had barely any of those, but hearing what she knew put into words like that… It was one thing to know all of this and an entirely different thing to be confronted with so bluntly.

“So that is what this means for me? I'm a political chess piece, a pawn set up to sacrifice.” 

“No Haruno. It means that I will do everything in my power to make sure you don't get missions you can’t survive and it means that you need to train to make that easier for me.” Tsunade said and for all her voice was strong and loud, she sounded almost tired. 

Sakura didn’t know how long she had stayed so strong inside the Hokage's office because as soon as she walked out the door, dismissed when she had nothing to respond, her thoughts barreled into her like she had run face first into a wall. 

Next thing she knew, she was on the training fields, every word that the Hokage had said replaying in her brain. Sakura was running, faster than she probably ever had before as she sprinted across the fields, physically trying to run away from her thoughts that seemed intent on making her relive the moment she understood exactly what the Hokage had been telling her. That she was being set up to fail. That she was being set up to die. 

Sakura knew that she wasn’t anyone special, had known it ever since she had been on Team 7. But this, this was different. Sakura understood now that she wasn’t just a nobody. She was disposable. 

Sakura didn’t know how long she ran for, how long she let her legs carry her over fields she had never been to before and through wooded areas that seemed almost vaguely familiar to that of The Forest of Death, but even that wasn’t enough to scare Sakura out of her mind. 

What special was a forest now that she was practically expected to die whilst working a mission due to her own uselessness?

It wasn’t until she collapsed, until Sakura's body physically could not carry her any further, that she stopped running. 
Sakura didn’t know where she was, having basically run blind, but it didn’t concern her much in that moment. What did concern her was that for the second time in just a few months, Sakura had been confronted with her own uselessness, but this time, there was no one there to save her. Previously, her lack of basic fighting skills had been a burden. A burden to the rest of team 7 who would have to protect her. Now, her lack of skills was what would put her into an early grave. There was no Sensei and no teammates around to make sure she would be okay.

It wasn’t that Sakura had never thought of dying due to her choice of career, but it just had never seemed real before. It had been some distant possibility that had never really applied to her because she would be fine. it wasn’t going to happen to someone like her. Dying in the field was exactly what happened to someone like her, Sakura realised. 

“Yo, kid. You alive?” 

Sakura on any other day would have been startled, but today she merely looked up from where she was laying face down on the ground before she slowly sat up. 

There was a woman with striking purple hair standing a short distance from her, arms crossed and her head tilted with a curious look. She was obviously a ninja but she wasn’t in uniform even if her pants were definitely combat-style pants, equipped with all the usual pockets and holsters. 

“Yeah.” Sakura murmured, and then, more to herself than anything added “for a little while yet at least.” 

The purple haired woman who stood a few metres from her snorted loudly. 

“Damn that really isn’t the bright outlook on things you expect from a Konoha genin,” She said before there was a minute change in her expression. “What has you lookin so damn grim, kid? Ain’t nothing scary in this city right now to make anyone think like that.”

Sakura, not really seeing the point in not telling the truth, decided to speak freely. “I got promoted.”

That seemed to confuse the woman who was still standing with her hands on her hips as she looked down on Sakura, head tilted to the side. “Is that a bad thing? You got promoted to Chuunin? You should be celebrating if anything kiddo.”

Sakura couldn’t help the huff of laughter that left her. Laying back down, this time on her back so she could look at the sky. 

“I don’t deserve the promotion.” Sakura said and kept speaking before the woman could interrupt what probably sounded like common self-discrimination. “It's a political promotion. I'm not a good ninja and I miserably failed at the actual exams, but most ninja from my class are important clan kids and powerhouses. I'm civilian born and apparently, there needs to be civilian born shinobi amongst the ranks to make the distribution seem more even in the active forces. I'm a really bad ninja and I got promoted because it looks good on paper. And because I'm disposable.” 

The woman was silent, but a rustle of clothes and a change in the general direction of her voice told Sakura that the woman had sat down next to her. “Kid, you can’t think like that.”

Sakura shook her head lightly in a dismissive fashion “I'm not, I promise. I didn't put this into my own head. Hokage-sama told me so herself.” 

Silence, then “well shit”. 

“Mhm.”

“Who is your sensei? 

Sakura almost wanted to laugh. It hadn’t even occurred to her to reach out to her old sensei and she knew that it wouldn’t make a difference even if she did. “Ah. he is unlikely to stay and teach me. He hasn’t actually ever taught me anything and he is too important of a shinobi to stick around just to be my sensei.” 

There was silence for a while and Sakura looked to the side to see the purple haired woman looking her over. “I have a sneaking suspicion of who you are talking about”

“Then you know I'm not wrong,” Sakura said with a shrug

“He really never taught you anything?” The woman sounded a little disbelieving and Sakura wondered if maybe the woman knew Kakashi Sensei in some way.

“He showed me how to tree-walk. But I got that on the first try after he just told us to ‘ send chakra to our feet’ so I don't know how much that counts as teaching.”

“So that is your thing then? Chakra control?” There was a stark change in the woman’s voice. Where it had been quiet and understanding before, it was now thoughtful and Sakura turned to the woman when she thought she heard even a little excitement. But that couldn’t be. No one had ever spoken with excitement in their voice when they were talking about Sakura's abilities before. 

“I guess?” Sakura mussed slowly. She realised that she never thought about it like that. “Kakashi Sensei said that I am a genjutsu type. But it doesn't matter much because I don't have anything I could back that up with even if I knew how to cast a genjutsu. I have shit chakra reserves so ninjutsu is pretty much out of the question for me. I can't really use ‘good chakra control' for anything when I don’t have much chakra to control.”

Quiet filled the space between them as well as Sakura’s head. 

“Well. Kid, I can't really teach you much but I can tell you where I think you should start. You seem like an unusually clever little shit so I have no doubt you could teach yourself plenty of things. - Go to the library and read up on that chakra control of yours. Learn what it means other than just ‘genjutsu type’ and then we are going to start working on your taijutsu.” the woman said as she got up till she was standing and looking down at Sakura once more. 

“I’m Yugao, by the way. And don’t you dare call me 'Sensei', that is gonna make me feel responsible n’ shit.” It could have been a joke but the look on her face made it clear that she meant it, and Sakura made sure to store the information in her brain. She had a sneaky suspicion that Yugao wouldn’t be the type to verbally reprimand her for any slip ups, and if this was really a chance, Sakura was going to seize it with everything she had. 

Chapter Text

“Again!”

Sakura groaned as she got up from the ground where Yugao had put her for the 100th time just that day. 

It was only the day after Sakura had first encountered the woman, but Yugao had met her at the same training ground in the morning and had brought a scroll that listed Sakura’s new training regime. 

The listed workout was frankly ridiculous and more than just borderline dangerous, but Yugao hadn’t allowed Sakura to ask any questions before they got started. Yugao had pushed Sakura through a grueling run, muscle-building exercises that Sakura had never attempted before and then they moved on to Sakura’s first ever kenjutsu lesson. 

Yugao was apparently a master at kenjutsu and this was also the reason why Sakura, with great difficulty, got back on her feet with arms too tired to raise the wooden training sword she held in her hand. 

Yugao was ruthless in her training and after a short but thorough introduction, she had started raining hits down on Sakura. Sakura knew that Yugao must be holding back since she was never really in danger of getting seriously hurt, but the hits that Yugao landed were hard enough to bring Sakura to her knees, and to throw her back several meters. Again, again, and again.

Sakura's shoulders burned as she forced herself to hold her wooden sword up, ready to parry the attack she knew would come. She wasn’t entirely sure she saw the meaning behind the madness of Yugao’s specific way of teaching, but one thing Sakura was not about to do, was look a gift horse in the mouth and question the help she was being given so freely. Even if that help was currently making her feel like she might permanently lose the function of both her arms. 

Yugao had no responsibility in training Sakura and would gain nothing in spending her free time with a genin level kid who couldn’t defend herself. A part of Sakura wanted some kind of justification as to why, but a bigger part was just grateful and maybe a little scared to bring up the topic. She would take all the training Yugao would give her, and when the offer was withdrawn she would continue to be grateful. 

 “Focus on my feet, kid, they will reveal my next move before the rest of my body does!”

Sakura barely had time to process what Yugao had said before the purple haired woman was moving closer at a frightening speed, sword held high and ready to strike. 

Sakura shifted her weight, ready to take the hit but also trying to watch Yugao’s feet like the woman had told her to and then, just as Yugao was only two meters from Sakura and right within striking distance, her sword was suddenly coming from the side. 

Sakura only had time to realize that she was about to take a major hit to the ribs before it landed and she was thrown sideways till she hit the ground with a heavy thud.

“Get up.” Yugao commanded. Her voice was strict and left no room for discussion but she wasn’t mean. She spoke like she knew Sakura had more to give and was expecting for Sakura to continue until she literally could not get up from the ground again.

“Look at how I shift my weight, watch out for any change in the direction my feet are pointing. Even the tiniest shift is an indicator of my next move, which way I will strike, and whether I'm going high or low for a hit.”

They continued on like that for what felt like hours but couldn’t have been much more than 30 minutes if Sakura was to judge by the daylight. 

When Yugao had beaten her to the ground once more but didn’t immediately yell for Sakura to get back up, Sakura finally let all of her muscles relax and gasped for air. 

“Here, drink.” Yugao threw a bottle at her and Sakura gulped down the cold water when she finally had enough air in her lungs to sit. 

Yugao, who didn’t have a single drop of sweat on her body and whose hair was as immaculately shiny and straight as when they had first met up, sat down across from Sakura on the ground. 

“You learn fast, kid.”

Sakura sent Yugao a look that spoke very loudly about how that had to be some kind of bad joke.

“I’m horrible,” Sakura said bluntly, wiping water from her chin in an extremely unladylike manner.

“Yeah, what did you expect? This was your first lesson you ever had one-on-one with kenjutsu right?” Yugao asked and Sakura nodded in response. “Then obviously, you are going to suck at it,” Yugao deadpanned. “That's just how learning works. You suck, you keep trying, and then you suck a little less.” 

Sakura couldn’t keep the somewhat surprised expression off of her face. She let Yugao’s words rattle her brain. 

Sakura had always been gifted when it came to knowledge which she could learn from a book, and since she was young she had been praised for her memory and brains. With technical knowledge it had always been easy for Sakura to be perfect and any sort of improvement was gained by reading new material, not by failing. In fact, The Chuunin exam had been the first time Sakura had ever failed a test and that had been because of the battle she had lost. 

In the academy when physical abilities had become a part of the curriculum, Sakura had no longer been able to score top grades, but for some reason, there had never been an atmosphere of ‘improvement’ around their training sessions at the academy. Sakura’s class had been extremely competitive and classes were where you showed off your skill, not where you practiced it. It had never really occurred to Sakura that almost everyone else in her class got private tutoring at home from their shinobi parents and clan senseis. Now that all made sense to her a bit more.

Mental power was her forte, not physical abilities, and now that she had the opportunity to train with someone who truly mastered their craft, it was only natural that Sakura was expected to lose. It wasn’t even a bad thing to lose so obviously against someone like Yugao, it was a good thing. Each time Sakura had been beaten to the ground, Yugao had made sure to explain why Sakura was down, what her mistake had been, and where her abilities were lacking. Sakura was no longer losing because she wasn’t good enough. She was losing because she wasn’t good enough yet. 

“I have a three day mission coming up but I want you to keep up with kenjutsu training until I come back. If you’ve improved enough then, we will start looking into your whole chakra control thing.” 

Sakura frowned, both surprised that Yugao was apparently going to keep teaching her, and in question. It would be difficult for her to work on a new skill entirely alone, but she would probably be able to find some scrolls with beginner techniques she could work on. But even more odd to her was the fact that Yugao was focusing on something other than what was supposedly her strength.

Yugao must have seen the question building in Sakura. “What? I know you wanna ask something so spit it out.” 

“If my ‘whole thing’ is chakra control then why aren't we starting with that?” Sakura asked, confused. 

Yugao didn’t even hesitate before she answered, like she had the answer ready for whenever Sakura would bring up the topic. 

“Because, for all we know, you could be dispatched on a mission tomorrow. Kenjutsu gives you the ability to protect yourself even if you aren't at a proficient level compared to a kenjutsu master. I'm teaching you to survive the fight right now. With chakra control we have to figure out how to make you win the fight.”

Sakura almost cried as she tried to get out of bed the day after. 

Every single part of her body was painfully sore and when she finally made her way to the bathroom, she discovered that the soreness had bruises to match. She looked absolutely horrible with black, blue, and purple bruises covering her body like a giant patchwork and she knew they would only get worse until the many marks eventually started to fade to a sick yellowish color. 

It was still early when Sakura snuck out of the house, leaving a note behind saying she would be training and telling her parents to have a good day. It was a deliberate move on her part to get out of the house before her parents could see her. Both of them being civilians meant that they weren’t used to the type of life that shinobi lived and they would have been worried if they saw the amount of bruises she was covered in. Even with long standard uniform pants and a long sleeved shirt, there were still obvious bruises on Sakura's collarbones and on her wrist and fingers that she had no way of hiding from her parents. Still, the outfit she had chosen would get her much less attention than her usual red outfit. Even for a shinobi she looked rough and it could raise questions why she was so beat up if she was to meet anyone around town who knew she wasn’t actively taking missions. 

Sakura had, despite her plans, been unable to stay up late the night before so the first thing she did when she reached the training grounds was to carefully read the two scrolls she had gotten from the library the day before. The scrolls described basic kenjutsu defense techniques that she could work on solo as well as different grips that would allow her to deflect hits from uncommon angles. 

When Sakura had memorized the scrolls, she took the wooden sword Yugao had lent to her the day before and went to the edge of the woods. 

Hitting her wooden sword against the base of a tree was not nearly as effective a way of training as working with Yugao had been, but it did allow Sakura to get a better understanding of some basics. She even, in what she herself would describe as a pretty smart move, tried to apply her chakra control to her training. Initially, the idea had revolved around the fact that Sakura needed to be able to focus on her chakra no matter what she was doing, but it quickly evolved into ways of incorporating the energy into even the smallest of moves.

Sakura remembered how Kakashi had described the workings of tree walking and how she could focus her chakra to a specific part of her body, and Sakura was pleasantly surprised to discover that it was even easier for her to focus her chakra in her hands than in her feet. After just a minute, she had worked out how she could use her chakra to strengthen her hold on the wooden sword, and how she could counter the kickback of a heavy hit by focusing chakra around the muscles of her arms.

By mid day, Sakura had a goal in mind. Yugao had selflessly decided to teach her so Sakura was not going to be a disappointment anymore. She had three days to learn as much as possible so that she could prove to Yugao that she was not a waste of time. 

Perhaps Sakura just had a really shitty scale of comparison, but Yugao had to be one of the best teachers in Konoha, even if she wasn't actually a teacher. 

The training with Yugao continued for a full month on and off, and with each day that passed, Sakura felt herself grow as a ninja, bettering every skill in her arsenal and adding new ones every single day. Sakura didn’t even complain when each lesson was paid in blood and bruises. None if it hurts as bad as the humiliation she had felt during her cunning exams.

As Yugao had said the first time they had met, they played to Sakura’s strengths.

Yugao, as it turned out, was highly proficient in taijutsu as well as being a master of the katana she usually carried around with her. Sakura had briefly thought it was odd that Yugao always carried a katana with her during her off-time, but it wasn’t uncommon at all for off duty ninjas to be armed at all times, even when out of uniform. Sakura had come to the conclusion that Yugao was one of the few ninja who chose to deviate from the standard uniform because Yugao was never in uniform when they trained. Instead, she dressed in simple dark pants, which looked a little like the jounin uniform pants just darker, and a new random shirt every day.  

While Yugao was away, Sakura had through trial and error gotten a simple understanding of some of the things she could do with her chakra, and Yugao had seemed impressed when Sakura would use it to stand firmer on the ground when she came at her with heavy hit. It was one of the few times Sakura felt that she really deserved the praise she had gotten for her progress. It wasn’t empty and Yugao was quick to implement the trick into Sakura training, making her use it to hold better onto her training sword so that it wouldn’t fly from her hands with the power of Yugao’s strikes. Not only did it give Sakura a head start on her chakra control training, it also gave her a new edge in her kenjutsu training.

When Yugao started teaching Sakura about taijutsu techniques a few weeks into their arrangement, Sakura slowly started to work her chakra into that as well. Using the same technique as she had figured out during kenjutsu practice, Sakura would use her chakra to stand firmer and hit harder. Yugao had as promised tried to help her with a way to use her control of chakra to her advantage, but to both of their disappointment, there hadn’t been much Yugao could actually teach her. Yugao didn’t have a particularly good control of her own chakra and she mostly used chakra for ninjutsu type techniques that she combined with her kenjutsu style of fighting. With Sakura’s naturally low chakra levels, it wouldn’t do her any good to know how to do a ninjutsu that would drain a fifth of her chakra in about a minute. Still, Yugao was brilliantly smart and was able to guide Sakura in how she herself should develop her technique. Yugao would point out the muscles that would help Sakura take a hit easier, and would analyze Sakura’s natural style of movement to help her figure out where to focus small amounts of chakra for a big payout in function. 

And so, ninjutsu was all but ignored as Yugao taught Sakura how to stay unpredictable while she moved around her opponent and how to use her smaller stature to her advantage, even when fighting against someone who was physically stronger than her. 

Sakura was surprised by how fast she was learning. There was a burning little part of her, stored away at the back of her mind, yelling at the world that this was how fast she could improve when given a proper teacher or just a fair chance, but Sakura never spoke that out loud. Instead she listened carefully as Yugao taught her how to better predict her opponent's next strike.

One thing that did hinder Sakura's schedule for training was that Yugao worked odd hours even for a ninja. Sometimes she would have missions that lasted days and sometimes Yugao was out of town for just a few hours before she was back, and it was never on a steady schedule. The only thing that helped was that Sakura did have a steady routine so the two of them managed to keep meeting up, and when Yugao simply didn’t show, Sakura would work alone for the day. Sakura's routine was overly simple so it was never difficult for Yugao to find the younger whenever she had time for a training session, especially since Sakura wasn’t being sent on any missions since her promotion. That was all thanks to Tsunade, Sakura assumed, and she, therefore, split her time between training and helping her parents. 

One time Yugao and Sakura met, a good month into training together, Sakura had been in the library reading up on genjutsu which the two of them had yet to work on. 

Sakura felt Yugao’s eyes on her as she finished the paragraphs she had been reading, and eventually gave up on trying to understand the words before her, not finding anything in the text that made sense. 

When she looked up, she felt the deep frown that settled between her brows. 

“You look like shit.” Sakura said plainly as she looked Yugao over. She wasn’t lying either, Yugao had bruises on her exposed forearms and a black eye that was still blooming by the looks of it. 

“What kind of way is that to speak to your Senpai, you brat?” Yugao brushed her off as she dropped into the chair on the other side of the table Sakura was sitting at. “I got back from a mission earlier but the hospital was super understaffed so I didn’t want to bother them with a few bruises,” Yugao said dismissively and Sakura felt her scowl deepen. 

“Yah, kid, I promise I'm fine. Nothing broken and nothing bleeding, just a few bruises.”

“You know, you don't have to teach me when you just came back from a mission. You already taught me a lot and I don’t want to keep bothering you. Especially if you should be resting” 

“Sakura, I enjoy teaching you.” Yugao spoke with a seriousness Sakura only rarely heard from her. “Yes, you were placed in a shitty situation and I agreed to teach you a few things because I felt bad for you, but I’m gonna be honest, I kept training you because I  like to see you grow.” 

“You didn’t need to feel bad for me” Sakura mumbled and picked at the scroll in front of her to avoid looking at Yugao. The fact that Yugao enjoyed teaching her had been unexpected even if Sakura enjoyed their time together. They didn’t always just train and they often made time for conversation even if it was only about mundane topics- the weather, what food they were craving, useless village gossip. They hadn’t gotten to know each other and Sakura still knew nothing of who Yugao really was, so she was surprised that she wasn’t the only one who enjoyed the new connection they had made. 

Yugao looked at Sakura with sincerity. “Anyone with a heart would have felt bad for you, kid. I’m not sure you realize how bad of a situation you were left in when you were promoted, but I know that even if I hadn’t stepped up, someone else would have. Everyone deserves a fair chance.”

“Still,” Sakura mumbled. It was making her feel all kinds of embarrassed and self-conscious be complimented and assured like this. “I haven’t needed the training. Tsunade has kept me away from any missions.” Sakura was almost wanting to admit how much that had actually bothered her during the last week. She knew how much she had improved but she was doubting that Tsunade was ever going to let her prove herself. 

Yugao winked and the tension between them lifted. “Tsunade also doesn't know that you actually have a sensei.” 

“I thought you didn’t want to be called that,” Sakura snickered.

“Brat “ Yugao huffed and reached out to ruffle Sakura’s hair. “I’ve never been a sensei or even led a team as a captain so I haven’t had a chance to teach before, but I really like it. I think my own abilities are even getting better. It’s like, teaching you has made me more aware of my own technique or some shit.” 

Sakura couldn’t help a confused little laugh at the extremely thoughtful expression Yugao had, her nose scrunched and her head tilted. 

“I'm not even kidding!” Yugao exclaimed when she saw the face Sakura was pulling. “My Taicho actually mentioned it on my mission, said I have gotten better with my low ground dodging technique.”

Sakura couldn’t help but laugh. “Well I'm guessing you aren’t used to training so often with a target this much shorter than you.”

Not only that, but Yugao had spent the better part of an evening teaching Sakura to use the ground to her advantage just that week, staying low when dodging and then using the movement as a set-off for counter attack. 

“Nah, all my teammates are taller than me so usually I'm actually focused on the opposite,” Yugao said thoughtfully as she threw her legs up on the table. 

Sakura closed her scrolls meticulously.  While Yugao seemed like she was fully content in training Sakura with no form of compensation, Sakura still felt she needed to make clear that she had no expectations of Yuga sticking around with someone like her, a kid with too little skill and barely any experience in the field.  “You still don’t have any obligation to teach me,” Sakura said after a moment of silence. 

Yugao looked at her with a sigh, “And? I want to, that should be enough.” 

Sakura shrugged, embarrassed, confused. Grateful. "I guess..” 

Yuga sat up straight with what was clearly feigned defiance, but even then, Yugao was a scary woman and Sakura couldn't help a small flinch. “What? Are you trying to get rid of me kid?”

“No!?”

“Good.” Yugao stood, hands on her hips and chin raised.  “Now, get your ass out of that chair, we are running laps till you cry and tomorrow you are meeting a friend of mine.” 

Sakura spent the afternoon helping out her mother at the market and trying her best not to wince in pain from her exhausted muscles every time she moved. By the end of the day, her mother had sent her to the outskirts of the village with a basket for a regular customer who, due to old age, got her usual order delivered. 

As Sakura was walking back, opting out of running simply because she didn’t think she could at that point, she couldn’t help but think of how much her life had changed. 

What would Naruto think if he knew she had gotten promoted to chuunin? Sakura couldn’t help but imagine that Naruto probably would have been overly excited and proud before realizing the Sakura now ranked above him. But then, maybe training with one of the legendary sannin was a promotion in itself. Sakura wasn’t delusional enough to think she would ever be on par with a natural powerhouse like Naruto, but it was still comforting to her that she could so precisely imagine his reaction. Team 7 had been an absolute disaster, that much was never going to be up for discussion, but for all her teasing, Sakura cared for Naruto. He was annoying and loud but he was also fun and Sakura had found herself missing him in the quiet hours she now spent alone instead of training with him and Sasuke. 

Sasuke. 

Sakura’s heart twinged at the thought of her stoic teammate. Or, previous teammate. 

Sakura didn’t know how severe the punishment Sasuke would be facing if he returned would be, but she doubted he would be let off easy. He had deserted the village in favor of a traitor 

Sakura had harbored a heavy crush on Sasuke for as long as she could remember, naturally drawn to his mature disposition and completely un-childlike behavior. It hurt to think that maybe, if she had paid attention to Sasuke’s behavior and been a friend to him instead of just obsessing over him, she could maybe have been more of a support to him. Maybe if she had seen the sign for what they were and not admired Sasuke for every little thing he did, she could have done more to keep him here, and by that account kept Naruto in the village as well. 

Maybe, just maybe, she could have kept Team 7 as one.

Chapter Text

“Fuck, she really does have pink hair.”

“Yes, as I told you.” 

“I thought you meant like, reddish.” 

“Genma you idiot, I literally call her pinky.”

“...Yeah that makes so much more sense now.”

“Uh, Yugao-senpai?” Sakura looked worriedly between Yugao and the man she had brought. While Yugao was dressed in off-duty clothes like always, the man she had brought was dressed in Jounin uniform and was wearing a bandana-style hitai-ate 

He had an almost lazy yet cheeky expression on his face as he observed Sakura and he had a senbon between his lips that shifted every time he talked. 

“Sakura-chan, meet Genma” Yugao introduced “Genma, meet Sakura, my young disciple.” 

“Nice to meet ya, Pinky.” Genma greeted with a two finger salute and an expression so cheeky that Sakura had an unexplainable urge to hit him.

“Genma here is gonna help you train while I'm out of town for a while.” Yugao explained.

Both Sakura’s and Genma’s head whipped to look at Yugao who looked a little too proud of herself until she gave both of them a look like she was daring them to disagree with her statement. 

“Genma and I are on the same team, but the captain and I are going on a duo mission, so Genma will be off the mission roster until the captain and I are back and he will need a proper sparring partner.” Yugao spoke with a pointed look directed toward Genma, “And I will be damned if me going away for a mission means that you stop all the progress you are making.” She continued with the same daggering look pointed at Sakura. 

“You know I usually spar with people at H-” Yugao smacked Genma over the back of his head so fast Sakura barely saw her move, effectively knocking the words from Genma before he finished speaking. 

“You know everyone you usually spar with and how they fight. This will be good for you. Sakura has her own style, even if it is influenced by me, and teaching her some of yours will be a good way for you to learn more about your own fighting style.” 

Silence spread between them and it got heavier for each second as Genma stared at Yugao.

“Are you fucking kidding me? This is why you have gotten better?” Genma shouted with clear disbelief.  

Yugao just shrugged with a clever smirk. “I'm not kidding. I noticed a few faults in my own technique while I was teaching them to Sakura” 

“Well shit,” Genma mumbled around the senbon in his mouth. “You any good kid?” 

Sakura shrugged. “Depends”  While Sakura knew that she wasn’t ‘good’ by Yugao’s standard yet, she knew that she had improved and she was proud of herself enough to admit it.

“We focus on Taijutsu mostly since Sakura doesn’t have the greatest chakra reserves-“ Yugao added, “they suck” Sakura interrupted, “- and she is showing a lot of promise with the katana.” Yugao continued like Sakura hadn’t spoken.

There was a pause, then Genma spun to fully face Yugao. 

“You’re teaching her taijutsu and kenjutsu? Taijutsu and the katana ?” Genma was looking at Yugao like that meant something, like it held importance, but Sakura couldn’t figure out what even with the weight Genma had put on the words.

“It's just what I'm good at, give me a break.” Yugao brushed Genma off. “But I do need to find someone who can teach her genjutsu. I don’t know shit about that and she has a natural affinity for it.” 

“I know the basics,” Genma shrugged and the senbon bopped around from the corner of his mouth. “But I’m guessing you brought me here to teach her what I'm actually good at.”

The first thing Genma taught Sakura after Yugao left was the basics of bukijutsu - the art of fighting with tools like kunai, senbon, and shuriken. Sakura wasn’t exactly new to fighting with kunai and shuriken and she had even spent quite a bit of time at the academy trying to get better at aiming with senbon, but Genma’s approach to the tools was completely new to her. 

At the academy, almost everyone had possessed some kind of specialty ninjutsu that they worked to master, so bukijutsu had been left behind as a sort of lesser alternative to the stronger abilities Sakura’s classmates were trying to master. There was simply no need for a mid-range tool when you had a family jutsu that specifically worked mid to close range. 

Genma with bukijutsu was deadly. More than her academy teachers, Genma reminded Sakura of Haku who had used senbon with frightening accuracy. To Genma, bukijutsu wasn’t a crutch to use in case of chakra depletion or the lack of a fitting ninjutsu with just the right range, no, bukijutsu was a versatile tool that could be used for almost all ranges of attack and much larger number of defenses than Sakura had thought possible. 

Sitting cross-legged on the grass, Genma had taken all of his weapon’s pouches and laid them out on the ground between them. 

“Like Yugao, I’m a pretty versatile fighter, but I specialize in bukijutsu.” 

Sakura had frowned then, remembering how she and most of the classmates had failed at hitting a target with a shuriken, and how Sasuke had once made a perfect hit only to declare that he found the weapon useless. Sakura had used shuriken in battle before, but she had to admit that she too had never really had any real use of them. For how much she had relied on the technique, it had never made a difference in battle. 

“Bukijutsu is standard teaching in the academy but not a lot of people choose to rely on it, since most active duty ninja are from some kind of family with some kind of ninjutsu that they would rather use.” Genma sounded almost annoyed at that which had Sakura thinking a billion different questions. “In my opinion, there isn’t enough focus on bukijutsu compared to how useful it is when you actually master it. A ninja with a shuriken can be deadly even if they have all but depleted their chakra reserves.” 

Sakura perked up. She had never really thought about bukijutsu as something she should have focused on as an advantage, but now it seemed almost stupidly obvious. 

“I see you thinking kid,” Genma said with what was apparently his signature smirk. “I’m like you, from a civilian background. I have quite reasonable chakra reserves but I used to work with a specific technique that forced me to reserve almost all of my chakra, just in case I needed to use it, so the way that I work with bukijutsu is the same way you should do it.” 

Sakura nodded in agreement. “It makes sense. But it always seemed so useless to me. These attacks are too easy to deflect.” 

“You would think so.” Genma picked up one of the pouches and pulled a kunai from it. “Yugao told me about how you are using chakra in small concentrated amounts to strengthen your punches, and that is actually very similar to specialised bukijutsu technique. Look.” Genma threw the kunai at a nearby tree where it stuck in the wood with a thud. “And now with just a tiny bit of chakra,” Genma pulled out another kunai and with a throw that looked to have the exact same amount of strength behind it as the fist, the kunai cut through the air, burying itself in the tree trunk to the hilt.

“Wow,” Sakura couldn’t help but express her wonder. She had seen other ninja throw kunai with similar results before, but never had she seen someone do it so easily. Genma had made it look accomplishable when Sakura had always thought it could only be done with brute strength. 

“Exactly. And while kunai are great, I strongly prefer senbon, they are much harder to deflect and much more deadly on impact.” 

Sakura looked down and the long needle-like weapon Genma was handing her.  While she had been introduced to the weapon, she had only used it a handful of times before. It was much harder to aim with than a kunai and so she had shied away from it, intimidated by the learning curve. 

“Today we are doing basics so that I can get an idea of your level and then tomorrow we really start training.” 

Training with Genma was very different than training with Yugao had been. Not only were their fighting styles completely different, but Genma also seemed to lack the overall softness towards Sakura that Yugao had developed. Where Yugao would explain how she was about to attack and explain to Sakura how she should dodge or counter, Genma just went for it. 

Kunai or senbon at the ready, Genma would launch an attack again and again until Sakura figured out how to counter, only for Genma to then make his aim more precise and his attacks faster, forcing Sakura to adapt. 

Where Yugao had used demonstration followed by explanation and theory, with Genma it was learning by doing. 

By the third day of them training together, Sakura had drastically improved and had even started to really like the style of fighting. Everything she had done with Yugao had been up close and personal, but now Sakura was finally developing mid-range abilities. 

Sakura didn’t know if it was her improvement or her willingness to keep fighting, even when she most resembled a pin-cushion or perhaps a porcupine, but by the end of the third day, Genma had seemed to have warmed up to her considerably. 

Reaching out to crudely ruffle Sakura’s already messy hair, Genma had smirked around the senbon in his mouth. “If you keep improving this fast, I’m buying you some better senbon.”

When Yugao still hadn’t returned after a week, Genma did as promised and introduced Sakura to the basics of Genjutsu. 

“Illusion work is tricky and takes a lot of control.” Genma explained as he sat on the grass at the edge of the training grounds. “The more control you have, the better the illusion will be and the harder it will also be to break, depending on your opponent obviously.” 

Sakura listened greedily, scared to miss even a single word Genma was feeding her. Some of the introductory things he explained, Sakura had already read in scrolls she found at the library, but it was a huge difference to have those same words repeated by someone who knew how to do it in practice.  

“Now, every genjutsu works essentially like a ninjutsu in the way that there are a number of different genjutsus that are all their own technique. Take for example the camouflage genjutsu. I personally use this technique along with bukijutsu. I’ll throw four senbon at an opponent and hide one in a genjutsu right behind those.” 

Genma pulled the senbon from his mouth and after a second, Sakura saw how it flickered until it was perfectly camouflaged. 

“You can technically use this camouflage genjutsu on anything as long as your control is good enough, but the genjutsu will be easier to trace the bigger the genjutsu is. Usually.” 

Sakura pondered for a second. “Oh, is that why I'm usually able to tell when someone uses genjutsu on me?” It was one of her few abilities she had always been aware of, the slight 'off' feeling she felt whenever someone cast a genjutsu on her.

“Yeah.” Genma looked like he was just gonna end it there but then he narrowed his eyes at Sakura and continued. “Genjutsu is an illusion so when you are under one, what you are seeing doesn’t fit what is actually around you. You are able to tell that you are under a genjutsu because you subconsciously register that the energy around you isn’t what it should be.” 

“Huh?” Sakura frowned. She had just thought she understood but now she was just confused again.  

“Having an 'affinity for genjutsu' is just a roundabout way of saying you have stupid good chakra control, since your affinity doesn't come from a keke genkai. So since you naturally have really good control, you can feel the chakra around you and notice when something is off or disturbed.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah. everything has chakra, it just takes control to be able to feel it.”

“And I will be able to feel that or what?” Sakura asked, still confused but hoping that Genma will be able to make it make sense. For all Sakura found Genma to be a bit cheeky, he wasn't a bad teacher at all. 

“I think you already can, you just aren't aware of it.” Genma said plainly.  “Here, I can even demonstrate it to you,” he pulled two kunai from the holster he had strapped to his thigh. He held them out in his hand between them and covered them in the same genjutsu that he had with his senbon.  “Now, don’t release the genjutsu, but try to see if you can feel it out. Focus on the air around us, the energy. It can help if you focus on the feeling of your own chakra first and then look beyond that.”

Sakura frowned but did as Genma had asked. With her eyes trained on Genma's hand, which seemed empty to the naked eye, Sakura turned her focus inwards as she focused on the feeling of her own chakra. It was easy for Sakura to feel out her own energy, it always had been, and it surprised her that it wasn’t much more difficult to turn her focus outwards. Instantly, she was bombarded with a wall of energy, but as she got over the initial overwhelm, it got easier and easier to distinguish the different chakra sources around her. Most obvious was Genma. His chakra was strong and there was much more of it than Sakura felt in herself. It was also calm and almost sluggish with how relaxed Genma was. Then Sakura felt the small layer of chakra that was stretched over Genma’s seemingly empty hand. Where there should have been nothing if Genma's hand really was empty, there was a disturbance that was almost impossible to ignore now that Sakura had noticed it. 

“Oh. I can’t see the kunai but I can feel the layer of chakra from the genjutsu.” 

Genma smiled so brightly that the senbon nearly fell from his mouth. “Exactly! Now imagine if I had put the genjutsu on just a singular senbon, compared to if I used it to hide my entire body. The smaller the genjutsu, the harder it is to detect.” 

Sakura nodded strongly, it made sense, it all made sense and it was so simple that she couldn't fathom why she hadn't learned this sooner. So many shinobi had already pointed out that she was a genjutsu type but none had ever explained what that meant in terms of her abilities.

“There also aren't many genjutsu users in Konoha, and only a small handful who are actually good at it. Genjutsu work was something that the Uchihas excelled at so it was pretty useless for anyone else to take it up when the Uchihas would always be better at it.” Genma explained as he put his kunai away. “There is Yuhi Kurenai but she mainly uses full dimensional genjutsu,” Genma mumbled like he was more so thinking out loud than addressing Sakura until he seemed to make a decision. “Okay, we start with the camouflage, distortion, and visual perception genjutsu!” 

Working on genjutsu was much more reading and a lot less practical than everything else Sakura had been working on so far. While Genma was proficient in low to mid level genjutsu, there was a lot of practical knowledge that Sakura had to learn before she could jump in the deep end of mental manipulation. 

“The issue is,” Genma started, “that you have to be selective with your technique. Genjutsu can work in two basic ways but only one of them is going to work for you. Firstly genjutsu can function like a henge, a blanket of illusion that is cast over a subject, be that a thing, an area, or an enemy. The one I used on the senbon earlier is one of these. This method however uses more chakra depending on the size of the object you are trying to cover. Think of it like a blanket that has to cover the object in its entirety. A small camouflage like with a senbon uses very little chakra, but to cover an area or a tree is a whole different issue. The second method is much more difficult, but it is uses less chakra and is more effective. Instead of applying the illusion to the area around your target, you apply the illusion directly to your target’s mind.”

Sakura had absolutely swallowed down every single word and had even fought the urge to ask for a short break so that she could find some paper and a pen, itching to take notes on all of the invaluable knowledge Genma was freely giving her. It felt incredible to learn so much, to have someone give her their full attention and take their time to pass knowledge on to her like this. I made Sakura feel responsible, like she had to improve at a rate where their efforts seemed clearly reflected in her progress. 

Luckily for Sakura, she did get to spend her time in the library. Genma was a great teacher but Sakura didn’t work on instinct in the same way he did, and that created a gap between his knowledge and ability, and her learning. Sakura was a bookworm, a theoretical learner, and genjutsu proved to be where the limit of ‘watch and do’ was for her. Genma however proved to be quite understanding despite how ruthless he had been in the beginning of their training, so he split up their sessions, alternating between sending Sakura to the library and working on her technique with senbon. 

It was tough work for Sakura, both physically and mentally demanding beyond anything she had ever experienced before, but at the same time, Sakura had never felt so alive.

It was a feeling that hit her one late night as she was sitting on the roof of her house, a large book about the functions of the brain spread out in front of her. The book was technically stolen, but Sakura’s mother had become suspicious about where Sakura was spending her time and had demanded that she spend the evening at home, meaning Sakura had been forced to go directly home after her morning training with Genma in order to work with her mother for the day. Then, in the evening, she had snuck off briefly to the library where she had nicked the book in order to read it after she was technically supposed to be sleeping. 

And now, on the roof of her house where the cold breeze caressed her skin, Sakura looked out across Konoha with a new understanding of who she was. 

Konoha had always been her home, that much was a simple fact attributed to the reality that she had never lived anywhere else, but now, after all of her hard training, Sakura felt like she belonged. It wasn’t that she had felt alien in the city before or that she had not felt at home, but her new perspective on life, on herself, and her new commitment to the way of life she had chosen, made her feel like she was finally earning a place for herself in a city of warriors. 

It was humbling to see Konoha in this new light and Sakura felt a shiver pass through her to the very bone. 

Sakura didn’t know how long she stayed on the roof, half asleep as she watched the light of the city turn off one by one only to be replaced with the night’s stars. And then, just as Sakura was sure she was really falling asleep, she saw them. Four Shadows in the night, moving silently through the night across the rooftops.  ANBU. Secretly, because it was never something she was going to admit, Sakura had always admired the masked and anonymous elite ninja that protected the Hokage and only took the most dangerous of missions. 

Maybe that could be somewhere for her if only she had been different. Somewhere she could be not Sakura for once. 

As Sakura watched the four shadows disappear in the distance, her sleeping brain only just managed to convince her that she had imagined how one of them had a striking familiar silver shade of hair. 

Chapter Text

It made sense really, Sakura told herself as she watched Yugao measure out the 20 meters they would need for their next exercise. 

Sakura had never really questioned why Yugao dressed how she did since it wasn’t unusual for Shinobi to customize their uniforms, but Yugao was distinctly different from other ninja who would personalize their day to day look. Where most shinobi would tailor their uniform to their taste and needs, based on their skills and special abilities, they still wore something which was undeniably some type of uniform, or at the very least declared their rank in some way. 

Yugao always just wore dark combat pants and random t-shirts along with it. She even tended to not wear her hitai-ate and had even once had it haphazardly stuffed down her back pocket. 

There was nothing about Yugao that spoke to her status or rank as a ninja, but Yugao had said herself that she was teammates with Genma, who openly wore his jounin uniform around, meaning that Yugao was tokujo or jounin herself, at least by level of ability.

To Sakura, it had clicked into place when she had first trained with Yugao after her many sessions with Genma, only a few nights after she had watched four ANBU operatives from her roof. With how good Yugao was from a technical standpoint and how she never wore a uniform, it only made sense that she was an ANBU operative, meaning that Genma was too. Sakura was actually a little shocked that she hadn’t caught onto that earlier.

As Yugao spent the morning teaching Sakura a new method of propelling herself forward at shocking speed, something she had thought of teaching Sakura while away on her mission, Sakura had to choke back a laugh from disbelief. She truly had gone from being the worst student in her graduating class, to being taught new techniques by ANBU operatives who apparently just didn’t have anything better to do with their time. Sakura found it comically unbelievable what her life had become, despite how utterly grateful she was.

When the half-strangled laugh pulled Yugao’s attention to her, Sakura just brushed her off with a bad excuse, saying she had just remembered something stupid. Sakura knew there were rules around the secrecy of ANBU, but more importantly, it didn’t really matter to her what rank Yugao or Genma had. Yugao had found Sakura when she was all but ready to quit and had shown her trust and commitment that Sakura had never before known. That was all that mattered. Sakura didn’t know if they kept their ANBU rank secret on purpose or if they just couldn’t talk about it, but she wasn’t going to be the one to mention it just in case they really did want it to remain a secret. 

It was midday on that same day when a hawk landed on a branch of the tree Sakura and Yugao were sitting under, Yugao explaining how best to keep her kunai and shuriken sharp when out on a mission and not having proper sharpening tools on hand. Sakura herself was halfway laying on the ground, grateful for the short break she was so mercifully being given as she slowly got her heartbeat back under control as well as her breathing. 

Yugao glanced up at the bird for a second before she nudged Sakura with her foot. 

“That’ll be for you, Pinky.” 

Sakura groaned as he got up from the ground, but just as Yugao had said, as soon as Sakura stood and turned towards the bird, it dropped a small scroll from its beak which she easily caught. Sakura sat down to break the seal of the scroll and slowly started reading. 

Sakura didn’t know if she should laugh or cry as she finished reading the content of the scroll.

“Holy shit, who did you piss off? Did you skin a puppy or somethin’” Yugao, who without making a sound had gotten right up behind Sakura, was reading the scroll over the younger’s shoulder and by the look on her face, Yugao was caught between emotions, looking both pitiful and like she was fighting the urge to laugh.

Sakura didn’t answer but just read the scroll again, going over the words and the list beneath the order she had received. It was ridiculous. It was humiliating. Sakura was finally getting to go on a mission, but she was being sent on 25 solo D-rank missions. Except, as if 25 D-ranks weren’t bad enough, a lot of the tasks on the list she had been given weren’t even enough to be considered a mission at all. It was just a long list of simple tasks that would usually be given to academy students so that they could practice their teamwork and problem solving. And Sakura had been given a whole list of them as solo D-ranks.  

“What…” Sakura couldn’t find the words, absolutely stunned at what was happening. 

“Ahhh.” Yugao sounded suddenly like the mission list from hell made sense and took the scroll to read it over again. “This is probably Tsunade's way to keep you listed as an active shinobi.”

Sakura blinked. “What?” 

“Any active shinobi has to take a certain amount of missions within a certain timeframe or they will be declared inactive, which would be marked in your file. With this, Tsunade will be able to keep you listed as an active Chunin.”

Sakura grabbed the list from Yugao’s hands, staring down at the tasks with increasing anger. “I know I’m bad but this!? These aren't even real D-ranks!” 

“I know that they aren’t real D-ranks and so does Tsunade, but she doesn’t know you have improved this much. Also, I don't think she gave you these fake D-ranks as a punishment, I honestly think she just made them up to allow you to fill your quota as quickly and easily as possible.” Yugao scooted closer and pulled Sakura to her in a sideways embrace, the list of missions held out in front of them. “You are leaps and bounds better than you were when we first started training. Just because Tsunade doesn't know that, does not change it.”

Sakura didn’t say anything. For all she had improved, this made her feel like she was right back where she had started, useless and unworthy. She was a chunin. She should have been going on C-ranks or maybe even the occasional B-ranks with a jounin Sensei. This was below genin level, it was academy level. 

“Look on the bright side, most of these don’t have a set time for you to complete them so you can just clear as many as possible as fast as you can, and you are still getting paid for all of them as prproper-ranks.” Yugao said, clearly doing her very best to cheer Sakura up. 

“I guess,” Sakura mumbled. For all Yugao’s efforts were appreciated, they weren’t really working.

“Good. Also, you will have to train on your own for a few days. Genma and I have a mission that will likely take us the rest of the week.” Yugao said and started collecting her things. With the sour turn the mood had taken it was clear that training was over for the day. “Take the rest of the day off and then get started on those missions tomorrow, okay. Just make sure to be done with them in a week when I get back.” 

Sakura spent the next two days with her mother, reconsidering life as a civilian and ultimately coming to the conclusion that, yes, she would still hate retiring more than being humiliated by 25 fake D-ranks. It wasn’t something she had really planned to reconsider, but after she had done as Yugao had said and taken the rest of the day off, she had sorted the tasks and realized how bad they really were. Only one of the ‘missions’ had any sort of time frame and the rest were so simple that she was sure she could clear each mission in as little as 10 minutes. And so, Sakura had taken two days to reconsider her choices before coming to the obvious conclusion.

On the third day, where she would be able to complete all missions, Sakura began her near never ending list of D-ranks. The morning had Sakura running between shops, doing deliveries and fixing fences. Already by mid-day, Sakura had only her last task left which could only be completed that same evening. 

Sakura walked through the city aimlessly, not wanting to go back to her mother when she for once had a legitimate mission to be out on. Sakura had lied about so many missions over the last few months, using them to both explain her absence but also keeping her parents from completely pulling her out of her career as a shinobi. It was weird to finally be on a real mission yet still not having anything real to do. 

After walking around the city in circles for far too long, Sakura saw someone she recognized out of the corner of her eye. Shikamaru from her old academy class was walking down the street with his signature slouch and bored expression.

“Shikamaru-kun!” Sakura ran to her former classmate. It had been so long since she had talked to anyone from her former class that she had barely even noticed how dearly she really missed talking to people her own age. “Long time no see!” 

“Sakura-chan,” Shikamaru greeted her with as much of a smile as anyone could expect to get from him. “Long time indeed. Did you retire or is that just a rumor?”
“Huh?” Sakura was surprised by the question and how straight to the chase Shikamaru was. “No, I just don’t have a team so I'm not really doing missions.”

“Are you not doing missions now?” Shikamaru asked with a look to her body. While Sakura wasn’t in full uniform, because she still felt wholly unworthy of her Chunin uniform, she was wearing the standard weapons pouches that any shinobi would wear. 

“Kinda” Sakura shrugged. “Tsunade won't give me real missions so I'm doing D-ranks.”

Shikamaru nodded understandingly. “You are not the only one who got fed off with a bunch of D-ranks. Happened to quite a few of the new Chuunin over the last month. With everything that has happened, a lot of the jounin senseis have been busy going on higher ranked missions, leaving the new chunin to fend for themselves and drowning in d-ranks to stay active.”

“Oh. I hadn’t even thought of it like that,” Sakura said hesitantly. She knew that after the crash there was a lot of work to be done, she just thought she was the only one who had been singled out due to lack of skill. Oddly enough it made her feel a little better to know that this wasn’t the case.

The two started walking slowly, not really going anywhere but sharing their company. 

“Have you asked to be added to a team? Even just temporarily?” Shikamaru said after a moment of silence.

Sakura stopped dead in her tracks. “We can do that?”

“We can always put in a request. Whether or not it is accepted is up to the Hokage.” 

“Huh,” Sakura said, mind spinning already. “I think, I better go, I, uh, I have one last mission to complete."

The conversation sent Sakura’s thoughts wandering. Perhaps that was just what she needed. If she could show Tsunade how easily she had completed all of her D-ranks, perhaps she could request to be added to a team even if it was just for a single mission. Thinking of it like this, perhaps it was even a little odd that she hadn’t already been added to other teams just to fill her quota instead of inventing D-ranks. 

The truth was that Sakura knew that she was getting better and she trusted Yugao when she said the same. Perhaps she could ask Tsunade for a chance to prove herself, prove that she had gotten better and would soon be worthy of her chunin promotion. Maybe then, she would be allowed to take missions with other teams, even if they would only be C-rank or slightly more difficult D-ranks.

With the last of her D-rank missions finished, Sakura headed to the Hokage tower with a new determination. 

“Haruno.” Tsunade was sitting behind her desk, eyes hard in a way that made Sakura want to get out of the office as fast as possible. But Sakura knew that running wasn’t an option. If she wanted to prove herself, if she wanted to prove that Yugao’s hard work wasn’t for nothing, then she would have to confront this head on.

“Hokage-Sama. I completed the missions you assigned to me.” Sakura spoke clearly and took a step forward to hand over the mission scroll, arm straight and posture perfect like a real shinobi. 

The Hokage took the scroll which was now full of signatures and glanced over it quickly. “That was faster than I expected.” She answered with a raised brow. 

“I have been training, Hokage-Sama.” Sakura did her best to sound like there was no emotion behind her statement, like she had been taught to speak at the academy, yet she was unable to hide a small bit of pride and perhaps a lot of nerves.  “I would appreciate it if you allowed me a chance to try and work together with other teams so that I can prove that I have made true progress.” 

“You want to prove your progress?” The Hokage asked and Sakura clenched her hands, afraid that they would start shaking from how nervous she truly was. She had made her request and now there was an uncomfortable finality to whatever judgment the Hokage may have for her

“Yes, Hokage-Sama.” 

The Hokage folded her hands under her chin, looking Sakura up and down before she leaned back in her seat. “Well, you’re in luck.” 

Sakura frowned. She did not not like the smirk that played on the Hokage’s lips. 

“I was just about to send these out but I can just inform you now.” The Hokage reached for a scroll that had been laying in a large pile on a small table next to her desk. With no effort at all she threw the scroll to Sakura. “There is to be a tournament for the newly appointed chunin and jounin. To boost morale so to speak and to give the citizens of Konoha back their faith in our military forces.”

Sakura feared she might throw up. “What?” She stammered.

“Unfortunately I don't have time to give you the details, they are all in this scroll. You wanted to prove yourself, this is your chance. You are dismissed.” 

“I don’t think I understand why this is so bad? You said you wanted a chance to show the Hokage that you have improved? Is this not the perfect way?” Yugao was standing in the middle of the circle Sakura was walking in the grass out of pure frustration. After her meeting with the Hokage, Sakura had hid in her room for days, entirely missing her training the day Yugao and Genma had returned from their mission. She would have missed this day too if not for the fact that Yugao had showed up outside of her window and forced Sakura to come along.

“I have improved enough to survive, not enough to not get humiliated in front of all of Konoha!”

The content of the scroll that Tsunade had given Sakura might as well have been Sakura’s worst nightmare. When Tsunade had said ‘tournament’, showcase would actually have been a more accurate word. The Konoha crash had rattled all of Konoha but most of all it had created chaos within the Shinobi ranks. There had been too many losses and promotions, and as a result, the citizens of Konoha had been doubting the strength of its security. The Hokage’s solution was simple and Sakura didn’t doubt that it would also be effective, just not for her. All chunin and jounin who were affected by the new round of promotion, but also any shinobi who was willing and able to participate, would be fighting in a tournament meant to showcase the strength of Konoha’s fighters. Not only was this supposed to boost morale, it was also supposed to be an opportunity for the newly promoted to prove themselves worthy of their new rank.  It was a festivity meant to signal that the crash was over, that Konoha had risen and only gotten stronger. 

For Sakura, who had been promoted along with so many others, participation was mandatory. 

Sakura had worked so hard not only to get better but also to accept her truth of not having worked hard enough yet. If she died because of her lack of skills she would at least have that added to her reputation, dying a shinobi’s death. But getting humiliated in a fight for entertainment? She didn’t sign up for that. 

“So is that what you are scared of?” Genma was sitting up against the trunk of a tree, polishing his weapons as he had listened to Sakura rant about her meeting with the Hokage. “Losing and being embarrassed about it?”

Sakura fought the urge to shriek in pure agitation. “I know I'm young, okay, I know I’m just a low-level Chunin and that I’m still a kid, but I chose to become a shinobi and I kept working towards it! I was top of my class for so long, but then Kakashi sensei never taught me anything and the boys refused to work with me and I became useless!" She yelled, "And now I’m getting fake D-ranks and being promoted because it looks good on paper for other people and being thrown into an arena to fight for entertainment !?” Sakura breathed heavily, catching her breath from her rant.

“Ever since I graduated from the academy, my life as a shinobi has been one big embarrassment! Training with you made me feel like I was finally making progress and moving forward but now I’m, now I'm just going to prove that I’m still not good enough!” Sakura didn’t know when she had started crying but the tears were streaming down her cheeks as the frustration poured out of her. 

“Hey, hey kid, I'm hearing you, Okay?” Genma moved closer so quickly that between one blink and the next he was kneeling in front of her. “You don’t wanna lose?” 

Sakura shook her head, sobbing.

“Do you want to win?” 

Sakura shrugged, still crying from frustration but trying to get a better hold of herself. “It’s not about winning. I just want to prove that I belong here too. I want to be someone to be relied on in a team and not someone who needs to be protected. If I lose, people will never take me seriously.”

“Okay.” Genma stood and Yugao walked up next to him, looking worried but also oddly determined. “We will teach you how to win.” 

Chapter Text

Something shifted that day. 

When Yuga and Genma had promised to train her to win, they had meant it. But it wasn’t the promise that had shifted something in the air between them, no it was the conviction with which the promise had been made that solidified something in their strange relationship. 

While Yugao and Genma had never pushed Sakura harder than they now did, Sakura had also never felt safer, more protected than she did now. 

The way in which the trained Sakura also shifted. Gone were the basics, the theory before practice, and in was techniques specified for one purpose - win. Yugao entirely ignores most of the principles she had been working on with Sakura, and focused on how fast Sakura could take down an opponent, how to strike instead of how to parry. 

If Sakura hadn’t already figured it out, the way the training shifted would have proved to her just how deadly both Genma and Yugao were.  The things they taught her were just so fundamentally different than anything she had ever learned at the academy. The things they showed her were designed with a purpose in mind, for only one man to be left standing, and Sakura could so clearly see how moves meant to kill were now implemented in her training routine, even if Yugao made sure to tweak the moves just a little. 

They wanted for Sakura to win, sure, not to start killing in a tournament made for entertainment. 

One of the clearest examples was when Yugao demonstrated how to control the amount of force she put behind her choke-hold and how to tell the difference between an enemy who was unconscious and one who was still aware. She even explained the best angle in which to twist when going for a snapped neck rather than just a blackout, and promptly then made sure to tell Sakura not to twist, a sentiment Genma surely appreciated as he had been the one Sakura tested the technique on. 

Over the next two weeks, Yugao and Genma took turns practising with Sakura, having sparring matches that pushed Sakura to her limit and doing their best to teach her how to read her opponent in order to strategise. 

“Your tactic is going to depend on your opponent, but what you need to figure out is how you can turn the fight to play to your strengths. Other people are going to underestimate you almost as much as you underestimate yourself, so use that to your advantage.” Yugao talked as she with annoyingly little effort blocked Sakura’s strikes. “You are short and pretty unimpressive looking and you need to use that. Make them underestimate you and then take them out.” She jumped to avoid Sakura’s kick.  “Stay low, stay small, and stay fast. Keep your speed up until you can get close enough to use that super-human strength of yours. They won't expect it from someone like you.” Yugao stopped talking, and for just a second Sakura thought she was gonna fight back. But then in a fluent move, Yugao had Sakura face down on the ground, arms pinned behind her back. “If you get a stronger opponent, then use the techniques that Genma taught you yesterday… Just don’t actually kill anyone.” 

Sakura’s biggest weapon revealed itself during one of her many sparring matches with Genma. One of the many things Sakura had slowly but surely been working on was her strength. While she had no idea where she had it from, Sakura had always had a mean punch and all of her training over the last months had only made her that much stronger. While working with Yugao, Sakura had started using her chakra as a safety measure when she would practise her kicks and punches. It was a simple technique that didn’t require much focus at all, but it did save her from quite a few broken knuckles and strained muscles. 

It hadn’t really occurred to Sakura that she could combine the force of chakra with the force of her already impressive natural strength, until she did it by accident while sparring with Genma. Sakura was doing her best to dodge Genma’s fast kick, trying to find an opening in his flawless form. Genma was far out of Sakura’s level and could win with his hands tied, but if Sakura could just make contact with his torso, it would be considered a win for her. 

Dropping to the ground to dodge a kick aimed at her side, Sakura finally saw the moment she had been aiming for. Just when Genma spun as he missed, Sakura collected chakra in her feet to propel her forward and in her fist, to protect from the insanely tough armour which the jounin uniform was made of. But she wasn’t precise enough and panic made her lose focus. As her foot slipped behind her, Sakura’s fist made contact just as she lost control of the chakra in her hand. 

Genma flew backwards, propelled by the force that had crashed against him, a sick cracking sound erupting loudly from where Sakura’s hand had hit Genma’s ribs. 

Sakura shrieked, scared at what she had done and frankly terrified that she had caused Genma harm. After only a second of spooked hesitation she ran towards Genma, her hands already shaking and raised.

“Holy shit,” Genma groaned. He was already sitting, one arm gently slung around his side as he supported his weight on the other. For how scared and worried Sakura was, Genma seemed entirely unconcerned, just surprised at how he had ended up being thrown several metres through the air. 

“Huh, You got him good Pinky,” Yugao said as she appeared right next to Genma, looking equally as unconcerned that there had just come a cracking sound from inside Genma’s body.

“I’m so sorry!” Sakura looked frantically between the two of them, her eyes constantly returning to where Genma was holding a hand just above his ribs. “I really didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry!”

“Relax, Sakura, I’m impressed!” Genma brushed her off and to Sakura’s great horror, he stood up despite her protest. 

It wasn’t that Sakura had never seen people get hurt before, hell she had been on Team-7 with Hatake Kakashi as their Sensei, she had seen plenty of people get hurt a lot worse than this. It was just that she had never been the cause of an injury like this and definitely never to an ally, or to a friend.

“Sakura,” Yugao reached out and took hold of Sakura’s shoulder. She was smiling gently and Sakura couldn’t quite figure out if it was comforting or if it just made the entire thing worse. Sakura was sure she had just broken at least one of Genma’s ribs and Yugao and him both were smiling much too brightly. “Genma is gonna be fine, he breaks ribs all the time and especially during training.”

Genma nodded eagerly in agreement and Sakura had to admit that he didn’t look bothered by the injury at all. “What you just did was really impressive!”

“It wasn’t on purpose,” Sakura murmured apologetically, still watching Genma carefully. “I lost focus and accidentally let go of the chakra in my hand.” 

“Wait, really?” Yugao, if anything, looked even more impressed at that.

“That’s like the thing Hokage-sama does, isn’t it?” Genma looked thoughtful. “Something like, brute strength punch with an almost piston-like release of chakra? It felt like one hit but there was definitely a clear release of chakra that sent me flying.” 

Yugao nodded. The two of them talking over Sakura’s head. “I don’t know anyone else who uses the technique because you have to have the physical strength to back it up, and the chakra control to shift from protective use to physical force without breaking your own bones.”

“Well in terms of physical strength, Sakura fits the bill. Chakra control too.” 

“Huh, I never even considered that.”

“Well obviously, I would have called you insane if you told me you were teaching one of the sannin’s techniques to a green chunin.”

“Uh, what?” Sakura asked. The two had entirely lost her. 

Yugao smiled wickedly, “We just found out how you are gonna win your tournament matches.” 

After having sent Genma off to have his ribs, which were indeed cracked, fixed, Yugao proceeded to explain how none other than the Hokage herself used chakra to break down huge boulders or create massive craters by doing something very similar to what Sakura had done by accident. 

Sakura had looked at Yugao like every word out of her mouth made no sense at all, and yet she had been unable to quell the excitement she felt. To think that what she had done was impressive and that she could use it to her advantage, but Sakura found that she was unable to think of it as a realistic ability. For all Yugao and Genma had helped her improve and for all the trust they had in her, Sakura couldn’t find it in her to believe in herself. 

“C’mon,” Yugao dragged Sakura to the edge of the forest, where trees lined the training ground. “Try to remember what it felt like when you punched Genma, nono don’t make that face, it can’t have felt that bad, Genma is a very punchable person. Try to remember what your chakra did. You held it in your muscles, you used it to protect your bones, and then you let part of it go just as you made contact.” 

Sakura breathed deeply. She didn’t want to try again. While she was over the shock of breaking Genma’s ribs, the doubt was present as ever, like she was setting herself up for failure by even trying. 

With Yugao’s gaze weighing heavily on her, Sakura focused her chakra, drew her hand back and - this time the cracking sound came from Sakura’s knuckles. 

“I knew it. I can’t do it!” Sakura cried out more out of frustration than pain.

“Stop being stupid, it doesn’t suit you.” Yugao deadpanned.

“Don’t know what I did the first time! I can’t do it again!”

“Well obviously not if you don’t even allow yourself to believe that it's possible.” Sakura had never seen Yugao look so stern and to her mortification, Sakura felt a telltale pricking sensation in her eyes. “It hasn’t been hard to figure out that very few people have ever properly believed in you and I know how toxic that can be to the mind, but you have got to be better to yourself. I believe you can do it, frankly I know you can because you already have, but you can’t win these matches based on Genma’s and my trust. You have to be the person that believes in you the most.”

Sakura was holding her breath with the effort of holding back tears. For how she was being praised and told off at the same time, she didn’t know what was tearing at her emotions more.

Yugao took a deep breath. “Do you remember the feeling of the punch?”

Sakura nodded, a sniffle following right after as she held down a sob.

“Just try and replicate the feeling. Don’t think about the Hokage or even breaking the bark on the tree. Just replicate the feeling.” Yugao pushed Sakura back towards the tree. “And have a little faith in yourself!”

Sharp pain travelled from Sakura clenched fist and up her arm as she held her knuckles against the tree. With a deep breath she closed eyes and focused. It was easy by now, even despite the pain, to focus chakra in her arm, focusing it around her fist and not using it but letting it strengthen her bones and muscles like a protective layer. 

Feeling out what her chakra did, how it moved and trying to recall in the moment she had lost focus and accidentally sent chakra moving forward, Sakura pulled her fist back, and punched. 

Sakura knew she had done it even before she opened her eyes. The sound of splintering wood was unmistakable. 

Opening her eyes, Sakura saw for herself the force she had created, the trunk of the tree was cracked, bark almost all blown off and large splinters of wood split out from the tree where she had punched her fist straight into it. 

“See.” Yugao said excitedly and placed a hand on Sakura’s shoulder. “You need to have faith in yourself.”

Sakura held her hand up in front of herself, staring in disbelief at her unassuming small hand. She didn’t even feel the pain from what was probably a broken knuckle or two, the discomfort entirely drowned out by adrenalin. 

“Holy shit.”
There was a bark of laughter from Yugao. “Yeah, holy shit! Now you have two weeks to master it.”

The short deadline from the moment the Leaf shinobi learned about the tournament and until they would have to participate was strategic. Due to the high demand for shinobi, almost everyone who took missions were out of the city more than they were in it. This meant that there wouldn’t be time to do intensive training to an effective degree for most people. Sakura was lucky enough to find herself to be one of the few who did have time, but in the last week before the tournament, even she found it increasingly difficult to find time to train. 

The only difference between her and the other ninja, was that Sakura’s hindrance wasn’t missions, it was her parents. 

To say that Haruno Kizashi and Mebuki were supportive of her chosen life was a stretch, but after Sakura had told them about the tournament, her parents had actively started trying to get Sakura to retire from the forces. 

Sakura almost wished that they would yell at her, that they would sit her down and speak their minds so that they could have an actual conversation, but instead the whole discussion was had quietly, exclaimed by small actions which were in themselves louder than words would have been. 

Sakura had brought home the scroll with all of the tournament information only to realise that her parents had already heard about the news at the market. Everyone had apparently gotten their scrolls delivered right after Sakura had left the Hokage’s office, and even if only those participating in the fighting had gotten a scroll, gossip had always travelled fast in Konoha. 

Sakura had barely finished explaining how she was going to compete and that she, due to getting help with training, was hopeful that she could do well, before her mother had smiled disarmingly and said that “there really was no need if she wasn’t going to be a kunoichi for much longer”.

Sakura had confused asked what she had meant by the comment, to which her mother had just raised her hands and said that she didn’t mean anything by it, other than that Sakura would have a wonderful future as a merchant. 

The conversation had repeated itself time and time again, always hidden in another conversation and always with new arguments as to why Sakura should withdraw and retire. - she would have fun at the Suna spring festival where her parents were planning on travelling during the next few weeks. - she had such a talent for sales. -She was so good with customers. - A merchant's life was a secure one. 

They never said the words out loud in a way that demanded it, but Sakura knew that her parents wanted her to back out of the tournament, and to finally become part of the civilian’s trade industry.  The thing was, Sakura didn’t really have any good counter arguments. Hell, she couldn’t even explain why it was so important to her to be a kunoichi, she just knew that it was. 

In Sakura’s mind, young as it was, there had never really been an alternative. For as long as she could remember, she had always wanted to join the academy and enter the ranks of Konoha’s protectors. Even now she still felt like that, but during her years at the academy, the feeling of right had only cemented itself within her. By the time she had joined Team 7 there had been no way back. 

Not only did she then know that this was her destiny, she also owed it to Naruto, Sasuke, and Hatake Kakashi to better herself and become the best ninja she could be. They had saved her so many times, kept her alive when she had been too weak to save herself and she had yet to be there for them. 

Naruto, the orphan boy who had been too loud but secretly had always made Sakura laugh, was someone she now missed like a brother and who she deeply wished she could have been a better friend for. Uchiha Sasuke was so broken that Sakura couldn’t help but feel responsible for his pain. While she hadn’t been the cause, she hadn’t helped him either, but only glorified his pain by worshipping his dark and closed off personality. 

And Hatake Kakashi. Sakura didn’t know if she would really be able to forgive him for leaving her behind in the way he had done, but she also found herself unable to feel true anger towards him anymore. It was clear to see that he had been thrown in the deep end. 

But even with all of that said, Sakura now found herself without a team and therefore without a clear or secure future as a shinobi, and still she would rather keep struggling every single day than retire. She didn’t have the words to describe why, but she knew without the shadow of a doubt that she had to keep fighting. Perhaps one day her teammates would need her like she had needed them. 

All Sakura could do was hope that even if her parents didn’t understand, they would not hinder her on her mission to become who she knew she had to be. 

“What next?” Sakura was jumping from foot to foot, unable to keep still. For the last two days, a restless energy seemed to have possessed her, making it all but impossible for her to stay still for more than a moment at a time. 

Yugao pulled the last kunai senbon from the tree Sakura had been aiming at. “Nothing,” she answered in her calm tone, “At least nothing new.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in something near fear. “What do you mean?”

Yugao rolled her eyes. “I’m saying that with the tournament only 2 days away, there is nothing I can teach you that you will be able to master well enough for it to be useful.” 

“But I can’t just do nothing for the next two days!” even Sakura could clearly hear the increasing panic in her own voice. 

“I never said that, I'm just saying that you have to focus on what you know you can do in order to set a strategy.” 

“Strategy?” 

“Yes, a strategy.” Yugao said with the stern voice she only used when teaching something she deemed to be very important. It gave her an aura of leadership that Sakura couldn’t help but admire. “The tournament is simple, there are no winners because this is simply meant to show off, but everyone will be fighting two fights against randomly assigned opponents based on rank.”

Sakura paled. “I’m so fucked. I could be up against any chunin, hell could I be up against someone like Neji?!”

Yugao waved her hand dismissively. “I'm sure it's gonna be a bit less random in order to be exciting and properly show off everyone's abilities. This is probably the best possible thing for you because not only are they already underestimating you, but depending on who they set you against, they are going to further underestimate you.”
“Uh. thanks?”

“We have to play to your strength which is actually your weaknesses - Have you ever tried masking your chakra?

Sakura frowned “No?”

Yuga motioned for Sakura to sit down on the grass as she did the same. “It’s a technique mostly used by higher level shinobi who go on missions where they want to stay hidden from other shinobi.” Sakura narrowed her eyes at Yugao’s words but didn’t ask questions. This was another instance where Sakura had a clear feeling she was being taught something which wasn’t meant for a 12 year old. “You are a pretty girl with pink hair and no special clan technique, so if you can mask your chakra even just a little, those who are natural sensory types will think you have even less chakra then you actually do.”

“But I already have really low chakra levels?” Sakura said confused

“No, not really. I mean sure, if we compare you to a clan kid, but comparable to more regular shinobi, you are perfectly average. On the low side of average but still. Now, focus on your chakra.”

Sakura did as asked and easily felt out the energy inside of her.

“You got it?” Yugao asked and Sakura nodded quickly. 

“Genma showed me how to do it when he taught me about genjutsu.” 

Yugao snorted. “Good, then he isn’t an entirely horrible teacher. Can you sense the chakra of things around you, other people and even the small amounts in the trees and grass.” 

Sakura focused and found that she could. It wasn’t easy, the massive amount of chakra that was Yugao was overshadowing to her senses but she could still feel the energy of everything around her, even the butterfly that landed just a few metres from her.

“You essentially have to cloak your chakra by imitating the movement of the things around you, blending in with chakra waves of the nature or even the people close to you.” As she spoke, Yugao’s chakra almost seemed to soften around the edges, like it was becoming more translucent. 

“See if you can do it. There really isn’t a good way to explain it in practice just sort of match the vibration, but don’t try to dampen your chakra. That will just stop your production.”

It was difficult, perhaps the most difficult lesson yet, but after over an hour, Sakura felt like she was finally getting it. Her own chakra, much stronger than that of the trees, seemed to vibrate at a different frequency, but with enough focus she could emulate the almost slow and lazy vibrations around her. 

“I think I got it,” Sakura murmured with her eyes still closed. She was certain that she would lose her focus if she opened her eyes.

“You do, I can barely distinguish your chakra right now.” The pride in Yugao’s voice was enough to make Sakura open her eyes and her chakra instantly went back to its natural wavelength. 

“I know it’s difficult, but you don’t have to keep it up when you are fighting,” Yugao stood up and brushed off her pants. She had sat quietly for all the time Sakura had been working to figure the trick out. “It’s honestly a technique you wouldn’t be expected to master before jounin level but with your chakra control I knew that you could do it.” 

Sakura blushed and made a pitiful attempt at hiding it by looking down at her hands.

“Why should I learn it if I'm not gonna use it to fight?” Sakura asked curiously. She was still reeling a little over the fact that Yugao didn’t want to teach her anything new fighting wise.

 “Like we discussed, your best chance is for them to underestimate you, and then end the fight as quickly as possible. A jounin on a mission can cloak their chakra even when fighting, but your match starts as soon as you enter the arena, not when you get called down to your first fight.”

The mention of the arena had Sakura feeling nervous already but she swallowed the lump in her throat and listened carefully.

“Everyone who is there to fight will be measuring up each other, looking at weapons, feeling for chakra signatures or trying to figure out which clan they are from. When you are waiting for your turn, I want you to cloak your chakra as well as you can to essentially disappear in the crowd.”

“So that they underestimate me.” Sakura summarised with an understanding nod. 

“Exactly,” Yugao smiled. “The chunin ranks are so stock full of clan kids with buckets of chakra, they won’t look twice at you and that is when they lose.”

Chapter Text

Sakura knew that she was letting her nerves get the better of her. Her fingers were twitching and she kept reaching for her different pouches and holsters, checking that all was tightened and fully stocked even if she had already checked countless times. 

Sakura was standing in the underground hallways of the arena where the tournament was being held. She could hear the masses of people as they filed into the stadium above her to find their seats, and she could feel the distinct chakra signatures of ninjas around her. There were other chunin and jounin passing by her every once in a while, battle ready like her, and some of them showing the same signs of nerves as she was. Most of the newly appointed chunin were accompanied by their sensei or their teammates, but a lot of others were alone just like her, standing nervously around in the corners. Due to the schedule of the tournament, everyone who was fighting had to be at the arena from beginning till at least the end of their fights so that they would be available. Everyone had been sorted into categories and a draw would determine who was next up for their fight.  Sakura found it incredibly nerve wracking that she would have to sit and watch everyone else fight while she just waited for her own name to be pulled. She couldn’t even sit with her parents. They had left for Suna the day before and even if they had fully expected for Sakura to come along, they couldn’t force her. Sakura was an adult in the eyes of Konoha so she had watched them leave after a long fight. It hadn’t been pretty but Sakura had refused to give. 

“Sakura! Sakura-chan!”

Sakura turned towards the sound of the voice and saw Yugao running towards her, waving. 

“Senpai,” Sakura choked out the word. She had been feeling nauseous all morning and the cheery expression on Yugao’s face somehow didn’t help at all. Quite the opposite actually. For the last few days, Genma and Yugao had been so overly confident in Sakura’s abilities that she had been experiencing an ever growing urge to hit the both of them. 

“Got everything?” Yugao crouched down and even if she had asked, she too started checking the contents of Sakura’s holsters and pouches.

“Yeah, I think so.” 

Yugao moved on to checking every buckle, pulling on them to make sure they were secure. “Good,” Yugao answered when she was done and apparently deemed Sakura properly prepared.

“Show me your sword.” 

Sakura quickly unbuckled the clip that held her wakizashi. It was the swords she had been practicing with ever since she had started training with Yugao and had become advanced enough to use an actual blade. The shorter length made it so that Sakura could use it like how Yugao used her katana and didn’t become a hindrance for her. 

Yugao proceeded to check the sword too, unsheathing it from the shirasaya to check its sharpness. As Sakura waited for Yugao’s verdict, she couldn’t help but notice that Yugao looked different. She was wearing the same dark pants she always did, but her hair was tied up securely and she was wearing a large jounin sweater that looked almost unnaturally bulky. It almost looked like Yugao was wearing a full uniform underneath the 3 sizes too large sweater and Sakura couldn’t help but wonder if Yugao was wearing her ANBU uniform. It would make sense. With about a third of all chunin and a large chunk of the jounin competing, and even more being in the stands to watch the matches, someone would have to be in charge of security.

“You did well,” Yugao nodded approvingly and handed the short sword katana back to Sakura. “Do you feel ready?”

“No,” Sakura admitted quietly. “But I also don’t feel that it’s entirely hopeless. I'm just nervous.” 

“Nerves are good, it’s adrenaline and that is gonna keep you on your toes and make you more alert.” 

Sakura nodded in understanding. She knew it was right but she would appreciate the effects of adrenaline more if it didn’t make her skin crawl quite so much.

“Alright, you are gonna do just fine, okay?” Yugao crouched to take Sakura’s face between her hands. “I’ll be somewhere in the stands and Genma is too. We are cheering for you.” 

There was a section of the arena seat reserved for the contestants so that they could watch matches until their own turn came up, but Sakura regretted not staying in the underground hallways as soon as she took a seat and tried to match her chakra to her surroundings.

The first match had already started, two new jounin were sizing each other up on the field of the arena, but Sakura couldn’t for the life of her concentrate on what they were doing. Instead, she felt fidgety, nervous about being surrounded from all sides and constantly fighting the urge to look around. It was incredibly difficult as she knew that the two people she would be fighting were most likely somewhere in the section with her and that even just seeing their weapons ahead of time would be an advantage, but she was also revealing herself as being nervous just by the way she couldn’t quite sit still. 

Focusing on her breathing, Sakura forced herself to at the very least appear calm, eyes trained on the fight in front of her even if she didn’t really watch it. After an hour, with a heartbeat which was finally calm, it happened. The announcer, a voice Sakura almost recognized, sounded over the arena. 

“Next match: Suzuki Riku and Haruno Sakura!” 

Like a block of ice had enveloped her suddenly, Sakura felt her entire body go cold, her heart skipping a beat. 

Looking back, Sakura didn’t even remember how she had gotten from her seat and down into the middle of the arena, didn’t even remember stating her name and ninja registration number. It was like between one blink and the next she was standing ready, waiting for the signal to begin, making eye contact with her opponent. 

Sakura faintly recognized the boy opposite of her. He was a year older and had been in her chunin exams but hadn’t passed the first round. While it could be an advantage that she had made it further than him, the fact that he had failed in the theoretical part meant that she had no idea of what his fighting style was like. Moreover, he was, unlike Sakura, dressed in the standard chunin uniform which meant that none of his preferred fighting style was revealed by his clothes. Sakura could practically feel his eyes weighing down heavily on the wakizashi by her side. 

Sakura tried desperately to remember everything she had been taught, every piece of strategy Genma and Yugao had done their best to squeeze into her brain. 

Her best bet was to get the fight over with quickly. Her opponents were sure to underestimate her, a civilian kid who had failed the chunin exam and who didn’t belong to a team under a jounin sensei. 

If she struck hard and fast, Riku wouldn’t have time to get a proper estimate of her abilities which would, for a short time only, give Sakura the upper hand. 

The officials left the field and adrenaline flooded Sakura, her chakra rolling anxiously even if she fought to keep it calm.

“3.”

Sakura tried to breathe deeply. 

“2.”

Her hand found the hilt of her sword.

“1. Fight!”

With a burst of chakra from the bottom of her foot, Sakura propelled herself forward and towards her opponent as fast as she could, raising her sheathed wakizashi to her side. She barely even saw the shock in Riku’s eyes when she got close enough to strike, and in the very last second, Riku stepped to the side, causing Sakura to pass by him. 

Which was exactly what she had hoped for. Her speed had surprised him and before he even had time to spin around and face her, Sakura dug her heels into the ground, turned, and swung her sword. 

The sturdy wood of her shirasaya hit Suzuki Riku over the back of his head and he fell to the ground, unconscious. 

It was over in less than three seconds.

A boom of cheers broke out as Sakura heard the enhanced voice of the announcer call out her name as the winner and she, suddenly flustered by all the attention, backed away from the unconscious boy. Two medics made their way out onto the field and Sakura walked away as quickly as she could without running. 

Suddenly, Sakura could see that while she had been too anxious to notice, a whole festival really had been going on around her. The stands were absolutely filled and vendors were walking around between all the laughing and cheering people, selling snacks and cold drinks. She could even hear music and singing from outside of the arena walls. 

And she had just won her first fight.

A breath of relief left her as she got through the opening to the arena and into the long dark hallways that went underneath it.

Her hands were still shaking, but with a new wave of confidence, Sakura started walking back towards the stands. 

As she walked, she was faintly aware that some people looked at her, all of whom she didn’t really know. Doing her best to ignore the quiet talking and just enjoy her newfound confidence, Sakura turned a corner only to walk face-first into a green flak jacket. 

“Senpai.” Sakura instantly recognized Genma, his shit eating grin coupled with a senbon as always. 

“You little shit, I knew you could do it!” Genma smiled so widely the senbon nearly fell. Without a care in the world, Genma wrapped an arm around Sakura’s shoulder and started walking towards the stand that she had been headed for. 

“Honestly, that was insane Pinky, better than I had even hoped for!” 

Sakura couldn’t help but blush and squirm, causing Genma to only hold her closer as they walked. 

“If I had known you were gonna show off like that, I would have bet money on you.”

“I wasn’t showing off,” Sakura protested quietly. “I panicked actually. I wanted it to be over quickly and Yugao mentioned that I could stick to one technique in the first match.” 

“Pinky, you were phenomenal, okay, you did everything right.” Genma stopped them and spun Sakura so that she was looking at him. “That’s actually why I'm here, I’m supposed to be working right now.”

Sakura looked briefly at his uniform. He was dressed in his usual jounin get-up, leaving Sakura confused for a second. She had thought he would be on ANBU duty with Yugao. 

“Look, kid, I’m one of the officials today so I heard some of the talk. You were so good that they want to move you up a class, give you a better opponent for your next match.” 

Sakura’s eyebrows disappeared somewhere into her hairline from how wide her eyes got. “What?! What do you mean?!”

“Hey calm down, it’s not as bad as you think. You just had the fastest victory of the day and while that is impressive, the tournament is meant not only to entertain, but also to let the higher ups get a better feel of your level of skill. They are going to change around some names and set you up against someone who they feel is more at your level.” 

Sakura’s stare only intensified. How was this not horrible? Why did Genma still look proud and like he was suppressing a smug smile. 

“This is a good thing, I promise. You wanted to show that you have improved, now you really get to, and even with the change, I still think you can win. I know what you can do and they haven’t seen nothing yet.”

Sakura waited on the stands for hours before her next match. This time around, she was able to watch the fights with a minimum of focus even if the prospect of her next fight still had her feeling cold and shaky. 

Some of the fighters she knew from her graduating class, others she had seen around the village or the academy, but she never talked to anyone. Sakura herself was too nervous to approach anyone and she was sure that everyone else felt the same. 

When her next match was finally called, she knew for a fact that Genma had been right. Her next opponent was far from Genin level.

Inuzuka Aoto was three years her senior and someone who by all means had deserved his chunin promotion. It was even the shared public opinion that he would have passed the last finals if not for the fact that he had been injured right before they had started. Sakura had seen the boy in the hospital not long before the start of the final. He had been bedridden for almost a month due to fractures in both of his legs as well as chakra depletion. Apparently, the mission he and his team had been sent on had developed to a B rank due to unforeseen circumstances and it had been a miracle that all three genin had survived. 

Now, Inuzuka Aoto was stronger than ever and his Inuzuka beast was massive, its head in line with Aoto’s shoulder. 

The good thing was that Sakura seemed to be almost out of adrenaline, or at least so much that she was fully conscious and aware. When she had heard her name called, she had calmly made her way from the stands to the middle of the arena, ignoring the accompanying cheers she had gotten as a result of her first fight. 

If Aoto had already fought, Sakura hadn’t seen it and his uniform was clean as well. But even if she had missed his first fight, Sakura didn’t feel too worried. It was an odd feeling. She was nervous, yes, she was even slightly scared, but she felt ready , something which was completely unfamiliar to her when it came to fighting. Sakura knew how the Inuzuka fought and had seen some of the techniques they used with their giant hounds. They were fast and hard-hitting, using one part of their two-member teams to distract while the other went for the blind angels.  What Sakura had on them was precision. It was known to be a problem for the young Inuzuka's that their clan technique relied on trust and communication. Their attacks would always only be as good as their ability to communicate with their hound, and even if the beast across from Sakura was huge, it was still a pup. 

While Sakura's best chance still was for her to end it quickly, she had to think of all possibilities. She could no longer count on them underestimating her.

As soon as the fight was called, Sakura moved first. 

Her chakra enhanced push-off sent her running toward the boy and his hound at a dizzying speed, but it quickly became apparent that her opponent was quick too. The boy jumped on the back of his giant dog and the two met her halfway, forcing Sakura to quickly dodge the sharp claws that had been aimed straight for her face. 

Shit. Sakura thought to herself, quickly entering a dance of dodging and attacking. Her two opponents worked as one much better than she had imagined and with their combined field of view, she had little to no chance of getting behind them like she had with her last opponent. 

Still, Sakura knew that she had to stay close. She had seen the whirlwind-like attacks which Kiba could use with his beast Akamaru and she didn’t have any defence against an attack like that. However, that attack relied on them preparing the jutsu, and as long as she rained close-range taijutsu and kenjutsu attacks down on them, they wouldn’t be able to do so.

As Sakura continued to attack she begrudgingly realized that she wasn’t getting anywhere. Aoto was good and his beats had a tough fur that seemed to deflect every attack with her sword that made contact. 

Kenjustsu wasn’t working. She couldn’t get close enough with Taijutsu and every time she tried she had to dodge the razor sharp teeth of a dog much larger than her. Ninjutsu was out of the question against a clan kid, more so because she really didn’t know any useful ones. 

With growing frustration, Sakura kept fighting. She needed an in, that much was clear. She needed just a second of time where she could move close enough to take out Aoto, but his speed and his beast's reach made it almost impossible. Unless of course, she could somehow get them to underestimate her again. 

It was a long shot, really, a quick thought that Sakura acted on because she didn’t have an alternative. Slowing down just a fraction, she turned her sword just a smidgen and let Aoto knock it from her loose grip, causing the sword to fly to the side towards the wall of the arena. With feigned panic, Sakura sprinted towards it. 

She knew what would happen now. Aoto would take the chance to prepare his clan jutsu and they would use the opportunity of her being pushed against the wall to attack. It would have worked too if Sakura hadn’t lost her sword on purpose. With an explosion of chakra from her feet, Sakura hurled herself towards the wall, turning in the air to grip herself onto the wall from the soles of her feet, and with as much strength as she could gather, She punched the ground. 

The earth beneath her exploded in a long crater but Sakura didn’t hesitate to watch the destruction she had caused. With almost half of the chakra she had left, she pushed off the wall and practically flew towards Aoto and his beast, who were fighting to stay standing on the shifting ground as it cracked beneath their feet. 

Sakura reached them in a split second, and with a grappling technique Genma had shown her, she wrapped her legs around Aoto’s neck in a chokehold that had them both plummeting to the ground.

Sakura knew she only had a split second before the giant hound would try to free its master, so as soon as she hit the ground, legs still wrapped tights, she pulled a kunai from her leg pouch and pressed it against Aoto’s neck while she kept a sneering eye contact with the oversized dog. 

She couldn’t speak to the dog but her treat was clear; come closer and I cut his throat. As Aoto lost his fight with unconsciousness, the dog whimpered and laid down on the ground, defeated. 

High above the ground of the arena where the dirt slowly settled back down onto the ground, Senju Tsunade, Hokage of the Hidden Leaf village, sat in the spectator box as she watched the small pink haired girl below. 

Could that really be the same little girl that she had fought a small bureaucratic war of paperwork to keep alive? There was no mistaking Haruno Sakura, but if Tsunade hadn’t seen the fight herself, she wasn’t sure that she would have believed it. Tsunade herself had signed off on the groups that would determine the matches and after reviewing the files of the promoted chunin, Sakura had been placed in the group of chunin who hadn’t actually been able to pass an exam. 

But Sakura was good . Someone had to be training her, Tsunade determined for herself. The abilities the girl had shown were advanced and that punch. Tsunade had recognized it instantly, how could she not. It was her technique after all, or at least a modified version of it. 

“She is an interesting one.” The masked individual hidden in the shadows next to her spoke with interest, too much for Tsunade's liking. 

“Forget it,” Tsunade said sternly, folding her hands beneath her chin. “She’s mine.”

Chapter Text

Six months after the tournament which was supposed to change Sakura’s life, Sakura dragged her feet into the hospital for yet another day of work. 

Sakura now trained at the hospital, seeing Tsunade once a week for new instructions, and putting it into practice at the hospital.  She didn’t know what she had expected to happen after the tournament but it wasn’t this. While she was busier than ever, spending every day of the week working from sun up to sun down, she wasn’t learning what she wanted. Everything she was taught was about being a medic, and while that was useful, Sakura knew she needed to be a better fighter still. However, every time she had brought this to the Hokage’s attention during their weekly meetings, Tsunade had responded that for now, chakra control was the most important, and without perfect chakra control, she would have nothing to teach Sakura. 

Sakura didn’t quite believe it. To her, it felt more like a test or perhaps yet another way to keep her from either being trouble or getting into it. 

Sakura was disappointed. The day after the tournament she had been summoned by the Hokage and the words; “That strength of yours. I can teach you how to use it,” had put a new hope into her but it had led only to more disappointment. 

Sakura’s parents, however, were ecstatic. When they had come home a month after the tournament, they had been surprised yet proud that Sakura had done so well, but her new spot at the hospital was what had made them embrace her warmly and even buy her a new dress in celebration. Sakura had tried to say that she had accepted the spot at the hospital as a step in her training, but seeing as she hadn’t gone on a single mission in months, the Harunos had started proudly introducing Sakura as 'a doctor in training'. 

The thing was, that perhaps in another life, Sakura could have been happy as a doctor, spending her time healing instead of hurting and using her abilities to support those that needed it. But Sakura’s life hadn’t turned out like that and every day she spent at the hospital was another day she longed to leave. 

It was a longing that had started slowly as soon as the excitement of being an apprentice under the Hokage had started wearing off. Reality had set in. 

still, Sakura was Team-7, that was something she didn’t want to let go of even if Team-7 didn’t exist anymore, and now that she was finally not too scared to face battle, she had believed that she could continue to grow until she could support Naruto and even help rescue Sasuke. It was a burning desire that had ignited in her, fueled by the fact that finally, she was able to believe in herself, but with every day that she didn’t get to train, doubt began to trickle back into her mind. The most disturbing fact and the biggest reason why Sakura hated the hospital, was death. 

From day one, Sakura had been thrown head-first into healing and had assisted in more and more surgeries, taking on small tasks such as increasing a patient's blood production or closing small cuts. But soon, Sakura’s tasks had grown, and along with the job came the face of death. As hospital staff in a ninja village, most of the people Sakura had worked on over the last six months were ninjas, and by the time they got to the hospital they were, in 90 percent of the cases, either ready to walk back out or already on the brink of death. There was rarely ever an in-between. 

It was so frustrating, so painful that time and time again, Sakura had to see her seniors try to piece broken ninjas back together, fighting a losing battle against blood loss and infection. With each time Sakura was confronted with death inside a sterile room, she couldn’t help but feel like she was already too late. What difference was she making when the people who made it to the hospital and really needed her, were already so far beyond saving? 

Sakura didn’t know how to describe the feeling that had built up inside of her, all she knew was that the heavy weight on her chest never really lifted until that one or two times a month she managed to meet up with Yugao to train. With how busy Sakura had gotten, she had really only seen the purple-haired woman a handful of times since the tournament, and Sakura was not above admitting to the fact that she missed Yugao and Genma both. 

Today was one of the days where Sakura wanted to run until her legs couldn’t carry her any longer, but training was put on hold so that she could go to work. As she changed into her medic uniform, she could already smell the mix of sanitizer fluid and blood, somehow sharp yet sweet at the same time. It made her feel sick. 

The Hospital seemed to already be busy when Sakura walked from the changing rooms and to the front desk to get her assignments. The waiting room was practically full even if it was still early in the day and Sakura was set to work instantly. 

“Relax,” Sakura spoke as calmly and as friendly as she could while she focused the green healing jutsu in the palm of her hand. The kid she was working on was one of the academy kids and he had somehow slashed at his own thigh with a kunai. It was an easy fix, one Sakura had mastered not even a month into her new apprenticeship, and really the most difficult part of it was to keep the kid calm. 

That was another revelation Sakura had had since starting her work at the Hospital. She really did hate kids. She found it laughable that just a year ago, her biggest dream had been to marry Sasuke and have his children, and now she fought to keep her smile steady as the kid kept screaming over what was essentially a scratch. 

The day continued like that and the hospital only became busier. Shisune, who was responsible for Sakura’s day to day teaching, was so busy that she stopped checking Sakura’s work entirely, and just pushed Sakura on to the next person who needed healing, before she was running down the corridor to get to the surgery rooms. 

Sakura didn’t mind it much. Despite her dislike for the work she had found medical ninjutsu to be a fun challenge but essentially easy work. The result was that she really didn’t need for Shisune to look over what she had done, and she would much rather be left alone to deal with smaller injuries than be dragged into one of the operating rooms. 

Sakura had of course been in there countless times already and it was perhaps the worst place in the entire hospital. By the time a patient was so ill or wounded that they needed a full team of surgeons, they already had less than a 70% chance of survival, and Sakura knew that her presence wasn’t making a difference. 

It was something  that refused to leave her mind to the point where Sakura had even spoken with Yugao about it, and Sakura had only seen Yugao a handful of times over the last six months. 

Sakura remembered the day perfectly. A pair of jounin had been brought into the hospital, but one of them had had so many parts of his body missing that he could hardly be considered to really be there . Shisune hadn’t even attempted to work on the jounin and Sakura had been unable to control her frustrations to the point where Shisune had sent her home for the day. 

Of course, going home had been out of the question. Sakura’s relationship with her parents had become increasingly bad as they had become proud of her position at the hospital and she had grown bitter over the same thing. It had gotten to the point where Sakura found it painful to be at home, knowing that her parents would constantly ask her about her day and praise her for her brilliant new career. 

So when Shisune all but kicked Sakura out the front door of the hospital with a stern message to calm herself, Sakura went to her usual training rounds. ‘Usual’ was perhaps a big word to use when she hardly had time to go there anymore, but Sakura still felt more comfortable there on the field than she did anywhere else. It was perhaps even the only place left in the city where she felt like herself - Haruno Sakura the chunin. 

Sitting down under the tree where Genma had so often napped when he had joined Sakura and Yugao for their training, Sakura had focused her energy on her chakra and the energy surrounding her. It was a great distraction, requiring just enough focus to keep her thoughts occupied without being too difficult for her frustrated state of mind.

Being focused on the chakra around her in a slowly expanding area, Sakura had noticed Yugao before she had even reached her. 

 “You should be at work, shouldn’t you.” Yugao said calmly when she stood over Sakura.

Sakura hummed, not bothering to get up or open her eyes. “Shisune told me to take the day off. I was being difficult.” 

Yugao scoffed but sat down in the shade next to Sakura. “You? Difficult? Never.” 

Sakura opened her eyes slightly and scowled “ Why are you here? Don’t you have missions or something?”

Yugao only shrugged. “You know I work odd hours. So what set you off?”

Sakura had hesitated for a moment but she knew that she had nothing to hide from her senpai. Sitting up, she spoke in a low voice. “They are trying to make me into a nurse” Sakura pulled at the grass just to have somewhere to look. “Tsunade completely ignores me when I say I want to take missions and that I hate the hospital.”

Yugao was quiet for a second and even looking away, Sakura knew that Yugao was watching her carefully. 

“Why do you hate the hospital so much?” Yugao asked at last.
Sakura pulled a bit too hard at a tuft of grass and it came up with its roots. “I just. It makes me feel useless to work there. It doesn't matter how good of a healer you are when your patients are practically already dead by the time they get to you.”

“Death is a part of our lives. No matter what, if you are at the hospital or a kunoichi, death is part of the ninja life.”

“I know,” Sakura said quietly. “The first person I saw die was a young boy named Haku. He jumped in front of Kakashi sensei’s jutsu to save his master. His master, some S ranked named Zabusa, died shortly after from blood loss.”

Yugao was staring now, full on and with no intention of hiding the shocked expression on her face but Sakura didn’t stop speaking.  “Their death was somehow very easy to deal with. It didn’t scare me or shock me at all. But at the hospital, I feel like I'm always too late. It feels so useless, like we are just trying to piece bodies back together that have already fallen apart.”

“Yeah, you are a ninja alright.” Yuago had said in a tone that sounded strangely approving for how dark Sakura's mind had been at that point. “We all hate the hospital, not because of death but because of what it signifies. It's bad if you have to go there and it's a horrible place to die when you pledged your life to fighting. A shinobi’s death should be in the field or when they are old and gray and long since retired.” 

The whole conversation might as well have been branded in Sakura’s mind for the way it seemed unable to leave her alone. Even in the most unexplainable ways, Yugao continued to affirm Sakura in her decision to be a ninja. As Sakura worked on patient after patient, it only sounded louder in her mind. 

It took Sakura two more weeks to finally snap once and for all. She had seen Tsunade only once during that time and she hadn’t even had a chance to speak to the Hokage. Sakura had simply been handed a new stack of theory about chakra scalpels to memorize and been sent straight back out of the office. 

The chakra scalpel had been the most challenging bit of teaching Tsunade had given Sakura, but still, Sakura couldn’t help the way her blood boiled because of it. Here was something technical and useful, something that could so easily be adapted for combat, and yet she had only been given theory on how to use it in medical practice. The anger simmered within her, fueled by every tragedy she witnessed at the hospital and the fact that Shisune had even banned Sakura from actually using the chakra scalpel, stating that it was a much too advanced technique, despite the fact that Sakura had had perfect control over it since two days after Tsunade had given her the scroll. 

And so, by the end of the week when Sakura was going to pick up the next weeks worth of theory, she was ready for it all to be over, to go back to scrambling on her own and relying on Genma and Yugao if that was what it took. She would even stoop as low as to go to other jounin sensei and beg for them to take her on missions. Sakura was desperate and completely out of shame. 

The guards outside of the large office belonging to the Hokage had long since come to recognize Sakura, and even if she was clearly seething with anger and stomping as she walked, they let her inside without a word and closed the door behind her.

“I’ll quit,” Sakura said loudly as soon as she entered. It was a wonder she could even speak clearly for how her teeth were cleansed in anger. 

Tsunade didn’t look up from the paperwork in front of her, merely kept scribbling along. “You’ll what?”

Sakura took a deep breath to calm herself but was only somewhat successful. “You said that you would train me, you haven’t. Either you start showing me what all of my work at the hospital is for, or I quit.”
“You are doing great at the Hospital. You make progress every day.” 

“I don’t care, I don’t want to be a nurse.” Sakura wanted to shout. This was sounding increasingly like the conversation she was having on repeat with her parents. 

Tsunade only continued to scribble away. “You are not even 13, you are not old enough to be a nurse.” 

Sakura clenched her fists in frustration. God, she wanted to scream. 

“I want to take missions.”

“Why?” 

“Does it matter?” 

“To me it does.” Tsunade leaned back in her chair, looking at Sakura for real this time with her full attention. “The ninja of Konoha are the ones who protect our city, and to be completely honest, I don't understand why you chose this career. You are a Haruno. You could have quite the lucrative career if you followed in your parents' footsteps and right now you don’t even have a team. Why do you want to be a kunoichi?” 

Sakura stood silently, shocked at the question. This wasn’t what she had expected.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” She said quietly. The anger had all but vanished to make way for the shock of the unexpected question.  “I have asked myself that so many times but I only know that it is what is right for me. I can’t put it into words why, but I want to protect this city, I want to protect my family and the other civilians I grew up with.”

Tsunade looked to be actually looking, thinking Sakura’s answer over before she spoke again. “So it’s not because of your former teammates? Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke?”

Sakura shrugged. “They are part of it. They proved to me that I have to get stronger and one day I want to be able to protect them too. But I want to be a kunoichi for me. ” 

Tsunade leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk and folding her hands under her chin as she studied Sakura.  “Well. That is a better reason than most to be completely honest,” She said calmly, completely shocking Sakura who had already mentally been preparing her next point. “Alright, I’ll send you on missions when I have some for you but I won't be adding you to a team indefinitely. Also, I will now be personally in charge of your training.” 

Sakura was nodding profusely, afraid to verbally respond as it might make Tsunade stop speaking. 

“You will meet here at 7.30 every day from now on, and tomorrow I will have a mission for you.” Tsunade’s voice was stern but Sakura only heard her dreams becoming reality. “I will now be in charge of your training, and I'm warning your girl, do not disappoint me.”

Sakura skipped down the street of Konoha, the smile on her face so big that she felt her face might split in two. She was positively giddy, the pure happiness making her feel more like a child than she remembered feeling in ages. It wasn’t until Sakura was so close to home that she could see her house, that she stopped to think, a cloud of worry overshadowing her previous joy. Would she really want to go in there and tell her parents what had happened? 

Sakura felt herself frowning at the thought. Her parents had been so proud of her over the last few months, and while it had been annoying, it had been easier than when they had been trying to get Sakura to outright quit her training.

Perhaps, she wouldn’t have to tell them anything. 

Unease stirred in her stomach at the thought of lying to her parents. But omission wasn’t the same as lying and technically, Sakura was still training under the Hokage who was, to Sakura’s knowledge, the best healer in the world. The whole idea of Sakura training to be an actual doctor was something Sakura’s parents had just interpreted out of the situation

It really wasn’t her fault that they had refused to listen, Sakura thought to herself,  and she surely could not be held accountable for simply giving up on correcting their take on the whole situation. 

With something that felt like a weight off her shoulders, Sakura stepped inside her home and only smiled and shook her head when her mother asked if anything exciting had happened at work. As the evening progressed she was almost shocked by how much easier it was like this. She finally had gotten what she wanted, a chance to fight and train with one of the best, and the opportunity to take missions again and her parents didn’t even have to know. For all Sakura believed that she was old enough to be independent, it felt so incredibly good to just relax on the couch next to her mother after dinner, without any weird tension between them.

As if Sakura’s parents could feel how she was happier and more relaxed than she had been for months if not for an entire year, they too seemed to relax and let go of all the tension that had been held between them.

For that one night, everything was bliss.

Chapter Text

Sakura just barely managed to save herself from falling face-first into the gravel that made up the roads of Konoha. Embarrassed, Sakura turned to make sure no one had seen her fall, but luckily it was early and the streets were still mostly empty. She shook her head in an effort to get herself together and started running again. It was entirely her own fault that she had nearly fallen too, so caught up in checking to make sure she had all of her gear that she hadn't looked where she was going. It was stupid really, seeing as she had plenty of time to get to the gates and had no need to hurry, but excitement had gotten the better of her.

Sakura’s early morning meeting had been quick but efficient. As a part of her new training, Sakura was now expected to read large tomes instead of scrolls, the techniques in them much more complex and intricate, and she would be training with the Hokage three nights a week. In the meantime, Sakura would be training and studying on her own and only taking hours at the hospital if they were short-staffed. She would even be going on missions, even if Tsunade had made it clear that it wouldn’t be too often, and that more often than not, it would be solo D-ranks to keep her status as ‘active’. 

Sakura hadn’t had a single word of complaint, because even with all of that Tsunade had had a real mission with a team for Sakura. The Hokage hadn’t given Sakura any information, just told her to be ready at the town gates by the end of the hour. 

That was where Sakura was headed now, dressed fully in her chunin uniform for what was probably the first time ever. 

It made her proud to finally be able to wear the uniform even if it wasn’t exactly practical. The vest in particular made it almost impossible for Sakura to use her wakizashi, as she couldn't wear it by her side or draw it quickly, and she had ended up leaving the sword at home. It wasn’t ideal and Sakura was aware that she would have to figure something out. The chunin uniform wasn’t mandatory and it was more important for her to be able to carry her weapons, but she had wanted to wear it full thing just once. It was perhaps stupid, but she felt that she owed herself that much at least. She had worked hard to get where she was and this was a small reward she could allow herself. 

Sakura was nearly at the town gate when she saw a person waiting by the gate and she nearly turned on her heel to run away. That long blond hair was unmistakable. 

“Yo, Sakura!” Ino waved with a big smile that Sakura hadn’t exactly expected. With everything that had been going on, Sakura hadn’t spoken to Ino since right after the chunin exams. 

“Ino, hi.” Sakura walked closer slowly with a shy smile, but Ino seemed completely undeterred by Sakura’s meek mood, smiling big and brightly like she had when they were kids. 

“Asuma sensei said that you are coming with us today, this is so exciting!” 

Sakura looked around but none of Ino’s other team members had apparently shown up yet. 

“I guess,” Sakura said with a shrug but she too was smiling now, completely unable not to when faced with Ino’s bright and contagious mood. “I didn’t know who I would be joining actually, Hokage sama only said I was joining a team.” 

Ino flicked her long hair behind her shoulder, a move so characteristic of her that Sakura couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic. “It should be fun. It’s an easy mission though so Asuma sensei will probably find a way to make us work much harder than we need to.” 

Sakura should have probably been annoyed at that just like Ino clearly was, but she couldn’t help her smile from growing. It had been so long since she had trained with a real jounin sensei and a team. 

“Where are the others?” Sakura asked instead. 

Ino scoffed, “Late, as always.” 

Sakura couldn’t help the small laugh that left her. “I guess some things were the same for us after all, huh?” 

Light conversation carried between them for the next ten minutes as the two waited for the last three parts of their team. Slowly as they showed up, Choji and Shikamaru both greeted her with tired waves while Asuma, the last to show up, only gave her a quick nod before he pulled out a mission scroll. 

“So,” Sarutobi Asuma was standing in front of them, his posture relaxed and a lit cigarette between his lips. “The mission is simple, we have to pick up a crate and deliver it to the small farmers' village north of the river. The crate is full of metal, moderately valuable, but mostly just very heavy.” A puff of smoke left Asuma’s lips as he paused and directed his eyes to Sakura. “Sakura-chan here is joining us because the Lady Hokage assures me she is plenty strong. Sakura and Choji will be doing the lifting, Ino and Shika, you two take the front while I take the rear.”

Choji groaned loudly but Sakura, even faced with what was honestly a horribly task, couldn’t help but smile still. As soon as they got to it however, the smile was somewhat whipped off her face. The crate really was heavy and between her and Choji it was also difficult to lift properly, given their different heights and the small and uncomfortable metal handles on each side of the large chest. The best, and by far the most important part, was however that as they slowly started making their way through the forest road, none of the team members doubted Sakura. Even when sweat inevitably started gathering along her hairline and her breathing became laboured, Ino and Shikamaru kept their positions and so did Asuma. In fact, the only one who really spoke was Choji who, about an hour into their trek, started whining loudly about how hungry he was getting. 

When the team finally made it to the village, Sakura let the trunk down to the ground with a loud groan. The last 30 minutes of the walk had been brutal as her muscles had started cramping and she was sure that there would be blisters on her hands from the terrible handles. She was happy that Ino and Shikamaru had been set in charge of getting the signatures for their mission scroll, and both herself and Choji used the time to have a small break and stretch their twitching muscles. 

“I’m impressed.” 

Sakura turned her head to see Shikamaru who had made his way up beside her. 

“Thanks?” Sakura answered, going for polite but not entirely successful since she wasn’t entirely sure what he was even commenting on. 

“We all saw you at the tournament. You did really well.” 

“Oh,” Sakura hadn’t expected that. In fact, very few people had ever congratulated her on her wins at the tournament. Yugao, Genma, her parents, and the Hokage were actually the only ones who had mentioned it. “Thank you,” Sakura said, much more honest and with a genuine smile. “I worked hard, I’m glad it shows.” 

“It does.” Shikamaru stuffed his hands into his pockets, a lazy posture that made him look like he would rather be anywhere else even if there was still a faint smile on his lips. “I hope we get to work together again sometime.” 

“Me too, this was fun!”

Shikamaru seemed to almost cringe. “Yeah, if I know Asuma sensei right, he is about to make this whole day a lot less enjoyable. Yeah, here he comes.” 

Sakura turned to the direction Shikamaru was looking and saw Asuma and Ino walking toward them. 

“So,” Asuma spoke loudly and the way he was smiling was completely opposite to the way Sakura’s three teammates seemed to deflate at his overly cheery tone. “Since it was such a breeze getting here, I thought it would be best to give you a challenge for the way home. I want you to run back along the river, and I want you to only travel on the vertical side of the cliffs.” 

Ino and Choji groaned almost in harmony and Shikamaru did a small shake of his head as he sighed heavily. Asuma completely ignored them, further cementing that this was a common occurrence, and instead looked to Sakura. 

“I trust that you can do this?”

“Yes, Sensei,” Sakura answered with a smile even as she fought the urge to roll her eyes. It wasn’t Asuma or even the task that had set off the urge, it was the fact that this was the one thing Kakashi had ever taught her. She could practically do it in her sleep. 

In a tight diamond formation, the four chunin took off towards the river. Sakura was already a little tired from the long walk and the heavy load she had been carrying, but the pace that her team, for the day, ran with was moderately paced and she had no trouble keeping up. As they made it to the cliff that ended in the bustling river, they all focused their chakra to their feet, and ran over the edge. 

Sakura knew that not everyone had as easy of a time with this kind of quick chakra work, so when the pace of their sprint slowed significantly, she didn’t push the other three. They were still running quite fast by non-ninja standards, and Sakura used the opportunity to work on her own technique. It didn’t matter that she was already good at the tree-walking technique, she could always get better, and for her specifically, getting better meant that she had to work on doing the technique with the least amount of chakra possible. 

It was all smooth sailing until they got just over halfway. Sakura had anticipated that they would at least have to slow down because just a few weeks earlier, heavy rain had caused the river to erode heavily at the cliffs. The result was uneven walls of muddy stone that they couldn’t avoid. 

As Sakura had expected, Shikamaru, who was in the lead, slowed down significantly when he noticed the uneven patch that awaited them. 

“Be careful,” He said and Sakura could hear how he was slightly out of breath. “We’ll go a bit closer to the ground.” 

But by then it was already too late.

Sakura, too focused on the cliff ahead, didn’t see as the rock crumbled under Choji's foot and before she could reach out to grab him, he was already plummeting towards the ground. Yelling his name, Sakura pushed off the stone to get to him but it was no good. Choji fell too fast and before Sakura or the others could get to him, he hit the ground with a sickening thud.

“Choji!” Ino yelled out from where she was right in Sakura’s heels, touching down next to Choji just a second later. 

Choji only whimpered in response, a pained expression twisting his face even if he was careful not to move.

“What hurts?” Shikamaru asked frantically, hands held out like he wanted to feel out for injuries but was too afraid to make anything worse.

“Leg,” Choji choked out and the pain in his voice set Sakura in motion.

With skilled hands, Sakura formed a chakra blade just half a millimeter long and used it to carefully cut away the wrappings on Choji’s legs. As soon as the white fabric fell away, Sakura could see the injury. An unnatural bump on Choji’s shin was a crystal clear sign of a break, the broken bone pushing against the skin. 

“Shit,” Shikamaru mumbled from where he was standing behind Sakura, looking down to see how bad it was. “I’ll run for help, you two stay here.” 

“No, wait,” Sakura protested quickly. “There is no need, I can heal it.” 

“You sure?” Ino sounded doubtful but Sakura didn’t take it personally. This was a kind of doubt Sakura had seen so often in the faces of people at the hospital. It wasn’t doubt because of her abilities, it was doubt fueled by care and love and a wish to see someone loved recover. 

With a reassuring smile, Sakura focused her iro-ninjutsu in her palm, the green light instantly glowing against her skin. “I’m sure.”

Slowly but surely, Sakura went to work, sending her energy into Choji's system to feel out the break and assess its complexity as well as to look for broken blood vessels that could become a problem of their own. Even focused as she was, Sakura couldn't keep away the thought that this was the first time she had ever used medical ninjutsu in a way that truly felt gratifying 

It took about 10 minutes for Sakura to heal Choji enough that he could walk home, and from those 10 minutes, only five of them were moderately uncomfortable for him. While Sakura knew that there in theory had to be ways to numb nerve endings as a way to stop the pain from registering, it wasn’t something she was willing to try in the field, but Sakura always had a small med-kit on her and she had given Choji all the pain medication she had carried. 

It also only took about five minutes for Ino to stop pacing nervously and for Shikamaru to let out a relieved sigh. 

When Sakura was done, she and Ino took hold of one of Choji’s arms each and slowly but surely they made it back to the village. 

“You’re late,” Asuma said when the four of them reached the gate. While he sounded nonchalant there was a crease between his brows. 

“Choji fell and broke his leg,” Shikamaru said with a simple shrug, like it wasn’t a big deal at all. 

Asuma took it in and looked to Choji who was half asleep between Ino and Sakura. 

“Doesn’t look broken,” Asuma said slowly, the worried crease between his brows evening out at their relaxed attitudes. “Does he still need fixin’ up? Did he hit his head?”

“He's fine,” Sakura answered quickly. “Honestly he could have run back on his own but I accidentally went a little heavy-handed on the pain management.” 

 Asuma seemed to think that over for a second before he threw his head back and laughed loudly, the reason probably being the drugged-up Choji even if that didn't feel quite right to Sakura. “Alright, you two take Choji to the hospital, they will have to sign off on his condition anyways, then Shika and I will take the mission scroll to the Hokage.” 

At the hospital, Sakura and Ino unceremoniously threw Choji onto the hospital bed they had been led to and then gave a quick report on his condition before they left, both eager to get on with their day instead of watching a wildly snoring Choji.  

“So where are you going now?” Ino asked while she rolled her shoulders. It had been surprisingly exhausting to haul Choji back to Konoha seeing as he was pretty much just deadweight. 

Sakura groaned as she too stretched her body. “Probably to see the Hokage.”

“So she really is training you?” Ino asked curiously. 

Sakura nodded shily. “It took me a while to convince her but yeah. I’m done with the hospital so maybe if I'm lucky, we can go on more missions together?”

“You know what? I would really like that, Forehead.”

“Me too, Ino-pig.”

Sakura wasn’t entirely sure what she might have done, but she was pretty sure it couldn’t be good, not if she listened to her instincts that were telling her to turn and run. 

As soon as Sakura had gotten to the Hokage tower from the hospital, she had been ushered into Tsunade's office, where she was now faced with the lady herself, an uncanny smile on her face. It was the smile that was creeping Sakura out, not for any reason she could explain but it made Tsunade look positively deadly.

“One mission in, and you are already exceeding all my expectations, kid.” 

“Uhm?” Sakura's confusion rose and she was getting more and more confident tin her assessment that she didn't like it when the Hokage looked that smug. 

“I heard Choji had a little accident,” Tsunade said with her smug attitude and proceeded to pull a full bottle of sake from one of the drawers in her desk, leaving Sakura speechless for a good three seconds. 

“Oh, yeah, he is at the hospital now, just sleeping off the painkillers. Sorry, I miscalculated a bit on how much to give him.” 

“No worries, “ Tsunade waved her off and drank heavily from her cup. “But I'm happy to see that your training wasn’t for nothing.” 

Sakura shrugged. She too was obviously happy that she had been able to help Choji but she didn't know how loud she wanted to be with that piece of information. She didn't want to tempt anyone into trying to get her back in the hospital.

Tsunade filled her cup and promptly emptied it in a big gulp before she spoke again. “I said that I would train you, and I wasn’t lying, but I have a few conditions.”

Sakura nodded suspiciously when Tsunade seemingly awaited some kind of response. 

“I will teach you how to use your strength, but only if you will also continue to learn how to heal. I know you don’t like the hospital, you have made that perfectly clear, but this isn’t me trying to send you back there.” 

Sakura almost protested but Tsunade kept speaking. 

“I have seen war, kid. I have lived through a time when everyone's mission was to kill yet no one had the power to heal the fallen comrades. I hate a great many things in this life but war and death are what I hate the most. You show true promise as a healer so I will teach you how to fight. I trust that you have the control it takes to learn my techniques.” Again, Tsunade drank heavily, banging her now empty cup down on the table with a satisfied grin.  “In the meantime, Asuma had nothing but praise for you and your abilities. I feel confident in sending you on future missions. With your particular skill set, you might even get some requests.” 

Training directly under Tsunade was everything Sakura had hoped it would be and so much more. Every morning for the last two months she had started her day in Tsunade's office where she received her regiment for the day. While it was never the same, it would almost always consist of a training part, a theoretical part, and then a practical part where Sakura was supposed to put what she was learning into practice. By early evening, Sakura would join Tsunade in her office where she would report back on the day while helping with sorting the day's paperwork. 

Some days, perhaps twice a week, Sakura would still help at the hospital between her tasks, and three days a week, Tsunade and her would end the day on the training fields together. 

The training Tsunade put her through was the toughest Sakura had ever experienced. The Hokage had no mercy and the fact that she was perhaps the best healer in the world, meant that the risk of injury was never taken seriously. Anything broken or bruised was an easy fix after all. 

Sakura was also regularly going on missions. Most of them were solo D-ranks, but twice over the last two months, she had also been sent out with other chunin teams who were in need of an extra member. 

Sakura had even managed to see Yugao a bit more often, but now Yugao no longer trained Sakura, and their time spent together was used for sparring where Sakura would always be eager to show off her improvement. As a result, their sparring always turned into increasingly silly brawls which always left both of them laughing. 

Yugao had also helped Sakura customise her uniform into something more practical. Sakura now wore standard dark shinobi pants that allowed her to always carry all of the scrolls of medical supplies which Tsunade insisted she take on missions, and a red top. The red blouse had originally been a traditional style dress that her mother had gifted her, but at Sakura’s request, the dress had been cut and re-hemmed so that it was now a top. As a regular chunin, Sakura didn’t really need to worry too much about sticking to neutral colours in her day-to-day outfits, and for all she was a proud kunoichi, she was also proud to wear the Haruno clan symbol on her back in its striking red colors. 

The less bulky top also allowed Sakura to wear her word by her side and Sakura was getting more and more comfortable with relying on kenjutsu as her initial fighting style. While she hadn’t exactly had time to test it, it was always good to be prepared, and with her hopes of working with more teams, Sakura needed to be a team-player and the fact that she could now comfortably punch craters into the earth didn’t easily match up with a team-fight strategy. 

In the time since the mission with Asuma, Ino, Shikamaru, and Choji, Sakura could confidently say that she once and for all had repaired her friendship with Ino, and was even becoming good friends with Shikamaru and Choji as well. 

It was such a relief for Sakura to have friends for once, to hang out with Ino, to talk about anything between heaven and earth with Shikamaru, and to try every possible food stand with Choji. For so long, Sakura had only had Yugao and Genma to confide in, and while she cared for them and she knew that they cared for her, it was almost a silent agreement between them that their relationship was as good as built on lies. It wasn’t of malicious intent, there were simply so many secrets between them due to the realities of their lives.

When Sakura really thought about it, a strange realisation hit her. Sakura was happier than she could remember having been since the good days on team 7, maybe even more. Selfishly, and only for just a second, Sakura wondered that maybe, just maybe, she really was better off alone than with Team 7.

Chapter Text

Sakura knocked on the door to the Hokage's office and promptly pushed open the door, not bothering to wait for a response. 

“Shishou,” Sakura greeted and ignored the way her Hokage rolled her eyes at her. 

“The Elders are on my ass.” Tsunade said with a tired groan as she leaned back in her chair.

Sakura fought the urge to say something smart. With how much closer she had gotten to Tsunade, Sakura was comfortable to joke around a bit when the mood called for it, but the office was usually not the best place to be cheeky. Even then, It was incredible how much two months had done for their relationship and Sakura had never in her wildest dreams imagined she would feel this comfortable around the otherwise frightening woman. 

“The Elders keep a close eye on all of the village's shinobi and they have a keen interest in your medic abilities.” 

Sakura frowned. She didn’t like where this was going. She had fought for a chance to get out of the Hospital and she wasn’t about to go back to nursing duties, no matter how interested the old war relics were in her abilities. 

“I know that you don’t want to go back to full medic training, not that they would teach you anything I haven't already taught you, but to avoid it, I have to send you on some more missions.” 

The frown on Sakura’s face turned into careful excitement but she was careful to not interrupt her Shishou. The promise of more missions was a good thing in her book, especially if it wasn’t just solo D-ranks for a change. 

Tsunade pulled a scroll from the large stack on her desk. “You have scraped together quite a few missions, but the Elders are using the fact that they are mostly D-ranks to try and push me. This mission is only to help outbalance this.” Something about Tsunade's stern look made Sakura unbearably curious and she was relieved when Tsunade held the scroll out for her to take. 

“This mission is a B-rank but only in technicality.” Tsunade said, speaking slowly as if to punctuate the importance of her words and dull what must have been visible excitement in Sakura's eyes. “You are to deliver three scrolls to the main librarian in The Tanzaku Castle. The only thing making this a B rank is that you will be going on your own, working this as a solo mission. The fact that the scrolls belong to an important individual makes it look even more like a B-rank on paper. ” 

Sakura nodded understandingly with a quiet ‘hai’. This was exactly what Tsunade had said she would do - keeping Sakura away from danger she was not equipped to handle while also training her as an apprentice. But a Chunin couldn’t have a record of only D-rank missions so Sakura had to go on C-rank missions or higher. This one B-rank would go far to even out Sakura’s average mission level. Sakura had to suppress a smile at the thought that Tsunade was essentially cheating the system to make her mission record look better than it was. 

With a bow, Sakura took the scrolls and left the office. 

The village of Tanzaku was a fair distance away from Konoha but still placed within the safest parts of Land of Fire. Sakura had sealed the scrolls she had to deliver inside what looked to be a standard medical scroll, and had stored it between two other identical ones in her backpack. Still, even with the safety of her general location, Sakura would run as close to full speed as she could to get to Tanzaku as fast as possible. At full speed, Tanzaku was about a day's travel from Konoha, and Sakura didn’t particularly like the idea of having to spend the night camped out alone, so the extra exhaustion was worth it in her books. She could always take it slow on the way back when she wasn’t carrying precious cargo.

As soon as she took off, Sakura pushed herself, running fast yet at a steady pace for efficiency, with small bursts of chakra releasing from her feet with every step to help her maintain the increased speed which would allow her to reach her destination before dark, the long summer days greatly aiding her in this as she had another 10 or so hours of sunlight ahead of her. Whenever Sakura felt people approaching, focused on the chakra around her, she would take to the treetops instead. While the road she was taking was well travelled by merchants, Sakura still wanted to stay out of sight. Not only did she not want to seem suspicious, travelling at high speed as a lone ninja, but it was also good training. Sakura had improved all of her chakra work, and she could now distinguish the strength of the chakra signatures she came close to and make her own blend in with the nature around her so well that her own chakra signature was as good as invisible. With everything combined, Sakura moved completely unnoticed around the merchants on the road, no more than a shadow in the trees. 

Sakura was a professional, but she couldn’t deny the satisfied smile which was plastered on her face for most of her journey. Damn it, she was proud of herself and she was having fun . 

The drop-off at the library in Tanzaku Castle was as successful as the journey itself had been and the librarian was impressed with the speed at which the delivery had been made, thanking Sakura intently for her fine work. 

If Sakura had been asked to go to any other village than Tanzaku she might have hung around for a bit to recuperate, but seeing as Tanzaku was a village for gambling and other vices, Sakura didn’t want to stick around longer than necessary. In the time after she had arrived, the people of the village had slowly started making their ways to the streets, and the transformation from sleepy village to gambling capital was swiftly taking place. However, the mission itself was slated for four days, so when the librarian kindly offered Sakura to use one of the rooms they kept available for travelling scholars, she happily accepted. While she would have to sleep with the sound of music and partying in the streets, it was still better than leaving the warm room only to go sleep on her bedroll in the forest right outside of the town limit. It was much too dark to travel now and more importantly, Sakura really was exhausted from her efforts. 

Waking up the next morning in the small room was uneventful. Still tired due to the fact that she had only rested for a few hours, determined to get up with the sun, Sakura got out of bed and readied herself for another day of travel, feeling eager to get going. Having rushed on her first day on the mission meant that Sakura could take her time on the way back and still be in Konoha before she was expected. It wasn’t necessary but Sakura was eager to prove herself, and what better way than to finish a B-rank mission a full day before she was expected to? The idea of the success itself was enough to have Sakura smiling as she fastened her Kunai holster to her thigh before she walked confidently out of the old building. 

The streets of Tanzaku village were almost completely empty in the early morning sun as Sakura walked through them at a leisurely pace, chewing on a ration bar for her breakfast. It was strange to see a village known for its life and colours be so quiet, but Sakura didn’t doubt that the many inhabitants had only just gone to sleep in the hours before. When Sakura reached the gravel road leading east towards Konoha, she set into a run and slowly started making her way home. Being alone on the road was admittedly dull, but Sakura still tried to make the best of it, and figured that she might as well make her travel a work out if she already had to travel the distance. Sakura rationalised it was the damaging effect of being friends with Yugao and having been trained by her too, as Sakura had a difficult time not seeing an opportunity for working on her technique no matter what she was doing and where she was. The empty road however, was the ideal place for one of Tsunade's favourite, but also more silly, conditioning trainings and Sakura entirely stopped using chakra to run or even strengthen her muscles, and then she began to sing. 

Sakura knew that she both looked and sounded stupid, but with the many times Tsunade had insisted Sakura do this, she had felt the benefits of the exercise on her own body. Eliminating chakra usage pushed her muscles to the limit and the constant singing limited the amount of oxygen in her blood, further pushing her abilities to the limit. And silly or not, Sakura had seen first hand what the Hokage was capable of, so she was fully willing to follow any little advice that Tsunade would give her. 

Sakura made significantly slower progress due to her slow tempo and the singing leaving her winded, and by the time the sun started to go down, she was only a little over halfway and much more exhausted than she had been after her first day of travel.  While camping out in the forest wasn’t exactly something new to Sakura, it was the first time she had ever done it alone, and the idea of laying down on the ground in the open didn’t sit quite right with her. The idea made her feel a little too nervous, a little too hyper aware of her surroundings. 

As the sun had almost disappeared, Sakura stopped running and slowly she made her way off the road and into the forest as she kept a sharp eye on the area around her. She quickly found that there was nothing suspicious, only the calm nature she was so used to, birds and squirrels in the trees, mice rummaging around in the moss. 

After walking around for some 20 minutes to secure the area, Sakura still hadn’t been able to find a spot she was comfortable with enough to sleep, so after a moment's deliberation she turned her eyes up towards the canopy. With chakra focused in her feet, Sakura pushed off and ran up along the trunk of one of the higher trees in her little patch of forest. Near the top she stopped were several thick branches divided out from the main trunk, giving both cover from below to keep her undetected, and a decent amount of space for Sakura to lay down comfortably.  

With a pleased sigh, Sakura fell asleep under the stars.

Sakura didn’t know if it was the excitement of being on a B-rank solo mission or if it was the fact that she was used to getting troublesomely small amounts of sleep, but after just a few hours of sleeping high up in the tree branches, she woke up feeling refreshed. Or at least, Sakura felt mentally refreshed but her legs were screaming from the second she moved to get down from the tree. Sakura winced and whined as she stretched her cramping muscles and was happy that she was alone on this mission. She knew for a fact that if Genma had been here he would have been absolutely crumbling with laughter at her misery. When, after almost an hour of stretching, Sakura finally felt that her legs weren’t going to fall off, she set off through the trees, excited to put the last kilometres behind her and get home to report her successful mission. 

Since Konoha and the village of Tanzaku were connected by a road which was easy to navigate, Sakura had travelled without a map, so it wasn’t until she began to recognise her surrounding that she realised that she was only 10 or so kilometres away from Konoha, and that if she went off the main road to travel through the woods, she could get there significantly faster. Leaping into the trees, Sakura jumped from branch to branch as she hummed a song which had been stuck in her brain since the day before. While she wasn’t limiting her oxygen, she was still keeping her chakra usage to an absolute minimum, relying on her tired thighs to do most of the jumping. 

A speck of purple, white, and light pink caught Sakura’s attention just as she started to see the village on the horizon. The ground below her was covered in delicate flowers, all of them familiar to Sakura as her mother had introduced her to them many years earlier, singing their praises as both an extraordinary addition to a tea and their beauty, but also for their medicinal purposes. 

With a quick thought, Sakura dropped from the trees and landed softly among the flowers. She knew that her parents were out of town and would be so for another day or two due to the harvesting season on Sakura’s uncle's orchard, but it would still be a nice surprise for her mother to come home to the flowers. 

Humming her song quietly, Sakura set to picking, and completely forgot that her Chakra was still all but shut off entirely. 

She didn’t notice them coming, didn’t see them nor their shadows as they moved closer and the bed of flowers allowed them to move silently until they were right behind her. 

As Sakura stood from where she had been kneeling to gather the delicate blossoms, panic flooded her system as a hand pressed against her mouth and hands grabbed her arms with bruising brutality. 

“What a pretty little one,” a slithery voice said quietly from behind her, ignoring how Sakura was thrashing in his hold, fighting as her mind raced.

Sakura tried to open her mouth to scream but the way the man was grabbing her by the jaw made it impossible, and with dread she realised that it was two different individuals that were holding her arms. She was caught, trapped. 

“When we decided to find new hunting grounds, we didn’t think we would get so lucky on our first day.” It was the man on her right side that had spoken this time, but she could only see him from the corner of her eyes, unable to turn her head in the near chokehold she was in. 

Dread settled heavily in Sakura’s stomach. If they were hunters and she was the prey, she could only imagine what kind of monsters they were. 

The answer became chillingly clear as the third and last man spoke. 

“She will fetch a fine price at the next auction.” 

Sakura kicked and screamed against the hand that covered her mouth but little difference did it do as they began to drag her away from Konoha, each step that took causing Sakura’s panic to rise further and further. 

They were too far from the road for anyone to see and Sakura knew that with how far they still were from the village, she would have to be exceedingly lucky if the rotating ANBU guards were to get close enough to see her silent struggle. 

There was no one to save her, no one to sweep in and take her home safely. No one but her. 

With a new clarity, an acceptance that this was her fight, Sakura let her body go limp, and then let chakra explode through her body. 

Sakura didn’t notice that she was walking again until she saw something large and green coming closer. Even in her state, the gate into Konoha was like a beacon to safety. 

With slow steps she walked closer, the wind making her shiver as red liquid dried on her skin. She was absolutely drenched in it. Sluggishly she kept walking until a voice called out to her, piercing the veil of blank nothingness that had settled over her mind. 

“Identify yourse.!.. Sakura?”

Someone was next to her then, crouching beside her at the same time as someone else stood on her other side, looking around like trying to detect any danger. There would be none, Sakura knew that. She had already taken care of it. 

The person crouching took hold of Sakura’s shoulders carefully, the grip getting firmer when Sakura didn’t react. 

“Sakura?” 

Sakura blinked, trying to focus her blurry vision and finally recognised the person in front of her, even if he looked so completely different. Genma had never looked so worried, at least not from what Sakura could remember. 

“Senpai?” She croaked, her voice almost failing her, raw from her attempts at screaming.

“I’m not sensing anyone close.” The other person by her side spoke but Sakura couldn’t recognize their voice

“Are you hurt?” 

Sakura felt as Genma’s hands started roaming her body carefully, whipping at the blood where it was caked on the thickest to search for the source of the blood, but meeting only skin free of cuts. Gentle fingers travelled from her shoulder then and to her head, moving  over her scalp where tangled bloody hair caught against his fingers as they continued to search for wounds, but there were no sources of bleeding to be found.

“No,” Sakura said slowly. Her vision was still blurry, her ears felt like they didn’t function quite right. She almost felt that if she focused too hard she would find that none of this was real.

“Were you followed back here? Where is your team?”Genma spoke instantly, his hands now cradling her cheeks for a moment before he almost obsessively checked her body over again. 

“Solo. Wasn’t followed.”

Genma seemed to pause, taking in her full appearance. The blood covering just about every inch of her, the kunai still clutched in her hand with the end of it chipped off.

Then, with his voice calm and his large hands gently cradling her cheeks once more, “Are they dead?”

Somewhere behind the nothingness there was relief then. Even if Sakura couldn’t remember what had happened, this was something she was sure of. “Yes.”

Genma held eye contact for a moment before he gave a nod, one that was approving, almost understanding. “Kotetsu, request backup.”

Sakura didn’t see as the other ninja, Kotetsu, made a series of hand signs before a yellow ball of light shot up into the sky above them like a flare. In the next second, four masked figures dressed in grey and black were beside them. 

Normally Sakura would have been in awe to see four of the most elite ninja appear before her like this but now she just kept her eyes on Genma. The world didn’t feel like it was tilting on its axis when she just looked at him.

“We need search and confirmation of elimination” Genma said, his words directed at the ANBU even if he didn’t take his eyes off Sakura. 

Gently once more, he then addressed Sakura. “Sakura. How many were there?”

“Three” Sakura answered, her voice sounded dazed much like her eyes felt but she kept looking at Genma, finding some strength to push through her mind in the professional yet comforting expression on his face. “One chunin level, two civilians. I left them maybe, five-six kilometres from here. I went through the woods. West of the main road.” 

Without a word, the four masked individuals set off into the woods and finally, the whole situation wasn’t Sakura’s to deal with anymore. With a wave of relief, she let herself fall forward into Genma’s arms. 

Chapter Text

Genma walked through ANBU headquarters later that same night after guiding a near catatonic Sakura through her post-mission debrief and then having delivered Sakura at her house. Much to his own surprise, Genma found himself to be oddly shaken by the whole ordeal, a twisting sensation in the pit of his stomach threatening to take over the entirety of his usual calm self. 

Genma had always prided himself on the fact that even if he was ANBU and had been so for the majority of his life, he had never shut off his emotions nor stopped himself from caring for those that impacted his life. Despite the ugly things he had seen and done in his life so far, Genma still allowed himself to love and to bring people close to his heart, he had just missed that Sakura had become one of those people, that she had wormed herself into his chest and made a place for herself with her large green eyes and her ever present determined frown. Sakura was an absolute darling, and for all he had seen her get better and better between the times he had trained with her, seeing her walk to the gates of Konoha covered in blood, had changed the way he saw her and shook him to his absolute core. Yugao was serious about the kid and Genma didn’t doubt that Yugao saw something of herself in the Sakura, which was why he had agreed to help in the first place. Training the kid had been fun, a silly little pastime,  and while he knew that everything they had taught Sakura was potentially life saving knowledge, now it was different. They had taught Sakura to survive and now she had used that knowledge and taken her first life. Genma may not have done the deed himself but he knew very well that he alone was the one responsible for those three lives as well as the toll it might take on Sakura.  For all he had trained with others and freely taught his deadly techniques, both ANBU and teammates from jounin teams and back in his chunin days, there was an almost palpable difference between that and the knowledge that he was one of two people who had taught Sakura to kill. 

With a deep breath to calm himself and a reminder to himself that this was why he was never going to accept a position as a jounin sensei, Genma walked into Team Panda’s meeting room. 

“Panda, I need to see the report if you still have it. Sakura was unable to finish hers so we need to combine them to fill in the blanks.” Genma approached the operative who’s team he had called on just earlier that day for assistance. He wasn’t going to say anything out loud but he was happy that it had been Panda and his team who had been on rotation. Genma would trust his life with any ANBU operative, because in the end it was his job to do so, but it was different with the people he had worked closely with, and Panda and himself had been on the same team a few years back. 

Panda, a red haired man a few years older than Genma himself, looked up from his report. “Oh, kid get too freaked out or something?”

Genma shook his head and took a seat at the table, taking the senbon from his lips to twirl it between his fingers. “Nah, no she just didn’t really remember much. They say its shock but I think she just dissociated. These were her first kills.”

Panda frowned at him then before he pointed down to the scroll in front of him.“...You’re saying she dissociated through all this?”

“Before or after, anyways she couldn’t recall the details.” Genma shuddered at the far away look in Sakura's eyes. He had sat beside her in Tsunade's office as they worked out the report and when it came to how the thugs had died, Sakura had stopped speaking, bows furrowed as if she was thinking intently, trying to recall whatever had happened out there in the woods. Then, with chilling clarity she had spoken “ I don’t really remember how I did it. I just remember that it wasn’t very difficult.”

“Might be for the better honestly” Panda mussed and then took the scroll off the table and handed it to Genma. “She broke one of their necks so far she nearly ripped off the man’s head. The next bastard had a slit throat and six crushed ribs, both of which were deadly, and the last had a kunai shaped hole all the way through his chest. Ripped part of his breast bone and spine out. We found the bones stuck to the tree by the tip of a kunai.”

Genma shuddered. “Fucking hell.” He was no stranger to death but the picture Panda described was so clear in his mind and to think that Sakura had done it.

“I thought you were gonna tell me she went into shock or puked or something when you asked for the file. She really didn’t remember?”

Genma shook his head and slowly rolled up the scroll. “Nah. She just remembered it being easy.”

“Fucking figures. Didn’t look like they had the chance to even put up a fight.”

Genma slumped in his seat, defeated and open in a way he could only ever be with those he trusted. “She isn’t even a fully fledged chunin. She got a political promotion even if she did well in the tournaments.”

“With her age and this amount of skill, someone is bound to move her career along.“ 

“Yeah that’s what I'm afraid of,” Genma said as he got up and left the room.

After having filled his own report back at Tsunade's office with the help of Panda’s, Genma was back at ANBU headquarters where, to his surprise, Tenzo stopped him and asked for details about Sakura who was the centre of his next mission. Genma had handed Tenzo the report which he had quickly read through and handed back with a stiff nod. 

“Well, from this right here she is pretty hard core. Doesn't mean she isn’t being put on suicide watch though.” 

Genma felt the air leave him like he had been punched in the gut. Suicide watch. One of ANBU’s many tasks that the common shinobi wasn’t aware of. Whenever a Ninja came back from a particularly gruesome mission that made their captain fear for their mental health, an ANBU agent would be ordered to keep constant watch of them for the next 24-36 hours.  Sakura had just killed 3 people with a frightening precision for someone of her status, so Genma shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was to hear that Sakura had been put on suicide watch, but the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind. Ever since the first day he had met the little pink haired girl, he had only ever seen her as strong and determined, capable of enduring anything thrown at her. 

“Who is on watch now?” Genma asked after quickly glancing at the clock. If Tenzo was due to take over then someone would already be with her now, keeping watch until Tenzo could get there.

“Crane”

Genma didn’t even think, just let the words rush out of him. “Put me on it instead of you.” 

Tenzo frowned, clearly curious or perhaps concerned. It could be difficult to tell. “Are you on duty tonight?”

“Not officially. I was supposed to meet with Hound to go over next week's schedule.”

Tenzo was silent as he looked his old friend in the eyes and something silent passed between them, an understanding. “You know her?”

“Yeah.”

Tenzo hesitated but only for a moment before he nodded. “You go tell Hound you aren’t available and I'll talk to the commander. He shouldn’t have a problem with it.”

With a thankful nod, Genma rushed down the hall until he reached the room he was looking for, the door clearly marked ‘Ro’. Team Ro was the elite of the elite, assassins specialists who worked flawlessly in their team but also often worked solo due to their specific skill and high demand. Genma had been a member of the team on and off for a handful of years and considered every member of the team his family. Hell, he had even considered their team room as home for a while during a time where the team had been on a near constant shift. War was a busy time if you were one of the best killers your village had to offer. 

The fact that he had seen the small room with its beat up couches and the small cot in the corner as home made it even more unsettling that now, Genma found that he had an uneasy feeling in his stomach as he reached for the handle. Kakashi was family, and Genma was about to lie straight to his face.

As expected, Kakashi, or Hound Taicho, was in the room, mask on the table in front of him as he leaned back on the couch with closed eyes. 

“Senpai,” Genma approached slowly and instantly he had Kakashi’s attention. Genma was known for being loud, for making an entrance and greeting people with a joke or by outright flirting with them, gender be damned. He wasn’t himself right now and there was no use in hiding it. Kakashi knew him too well and Genma knew that if he tried to hide his emotions, Kakashi would notice and only then really be worried. 

With Kakashi’s undivided attention, eyes sharp even if his body still looked relaxed to an untrained eye, Genma started speaking and scratched the back of his neck. “We are gonna have to reschedule, Senpai. I’m taking a suicide watch. It’s someone I know and I wanna be there, even if it's only in the shadows.” The words left him surprisingly easy but then again, they were the truth. He hadn’t gotten to the lie yet, but the understanding look in Kakashi’s eye made Genma sure that it was only a matter of seconds.

With a low sigh Kakashi sat up straight and gave a quick nod of confirmation. “Ah. Someone I know?”

There it was. The lie.

Genma hesitated. He didn’t know what had gone down between Sakura and Kakashi but it wasn’t for him to meddle in. The few times Kakashi had been brought up in conversation, Sakura had seemed cold or uninterested at best. Genma was also sure that the two hadn’t seen each other for a long time, not that it was odd with how little Kakashi was even in the city. If Sakura ever wanted to make contact with her old sensei again, then Genma would be more than happy to help her achieve that, but with everything she had been through even before today, Genma was determined that it would have to be on her terms. Sakura was an angel and only deserved good, so this time Genma would take the shame of lying to his closest friend to spare her yet another battle. 

“No,” Genma answered even if he knew he had hesitated a second too long to sound truthful. “No, it’s just someone Cat introduced me to. The two of them are close and Cat isn’t in town so..”  Genma shrugged. What he had said was almost the truth and half a lie was almost always better than a full one. He had cloaked the truth in details that technically weren’t wrong, just his interpretation. Because the truth was that Kakashi didn’t know Sakura, at least not the girl she had become, and while Yugao really was out of town, Genma wanted to be there with Sakura for the both of them. 

From the way Kakashi also hesitated a second too long, the way he leaned just a bit forward, Genma knew he had already been caught in his lie, he just didn’t know what part, but he also knew that Kakashi wasn’t going to push. As family, as friends, Genma knew that Kakashi trusted him to tell the truth if he needed to and that this was why he was willing to let the lie slide. It was a show of acceptance, and that acceptance meant trust, trust that Kakashi knew Genma would let him know if it really was something he should know.  Blood bound people together, and just because the blood that was shared between them wasn’t their own and had been cut from veins instead of flowing in them, it didn’t make it any less binding. Still Genma hoped that Kakashi would think Genma had only lied about why he wanted to take the watch, and not about the fact that Kakashi did know Sakura. 

“Okay.” Kakashi said and slowly leaned back on the couch once more. “Yugao should be back in a few hours. Do you want me to tell her?” 

“No,” Genma said quickly, grateful. “Yugao’s mission has dragged out and there is no real danger with this watch so I’ll tell her when the watch is over, let her rest.”

With that he left the room, hopeful that he had really been able to keep his little kohai’s secret for a little longer, . Genma wished Sakura didn’t have to keep herself a secret like this but he also understood. He knew Sakura, but he knew Kakashi better, understood the special kind of broken that he was. Now he just had to keep Sakura from becoming the same, and while Genma didn’t for a second believe that Sakura needed to be on suicide watch, that didn’t mean that he was going to let her be alone with the minute chance that he was mistaken. 

When Sakura stepped out of the shower, she finally felt like the last of the daze that had clouded her mind finally lifted, washed down the drain along with blood. So much blood . Having had the chance to finally wash the blood off of her body had been almost like meditation, washing the proof of what she had done away, however Sakura was frighteningly aware that she hadn’t minded the blood, she minded not knowing how it got there. It had been a slow process and at some points she had caught herself scrubbing her skin too hard, leaving angry red skin behind, but by the end she felt clean and calm. 

Walking back into her room she ignored the pile of bloodied uniform. There would be no way to get it clean and it was only fit for the trash now. Her mother would be disappointed but Sakura would have to come up with an excuse. It was just lucky that her parents weren’t home now, Sakura thought to herself. If they had seen her like this, in shock and covert in the proof of what she could do to another living breathing being, then her game of lies would be up. Perhaps it would be better if she moved out, if she slowly yet with determination carved herself out of her parents life. Then she wouldn’t have to lie to avoid being a disappointment and she wouldn’t have to feel that slowly growing loathing that simmered somewhere under her skin. Sakura knew that she could never truly get acceptance from her parents. Some day, she wouldn’t be able to hide anymore and she wasn’t entirely sure she would be able to deal with the sorrow of their disapproving gazes, fueled by their opinion of her as a failure sorely for doing what she loved. 

As Sakura climbed into bed, her mind kept itself busy with plans of slowly packing her things, of excuses that could be made to realise the next step in her plan. And if when she slept her dreams were filled with sensations rather than images, the feeling of her hands gripping something round and twisting , the feeling of air, then resistance, then wet , the feeling of metal gracing her skin as her arm extended in a throw, no one would ever know and Sakura would blame her imagination. What else could she do? It wasn’t a memory, it wasn’t clear enough and it definitely wasn’t a nightmare, not like the ones she had been plagued by after losing patients at the hospital. 

Like with any ninja, Sakura’s first kill marked a milestone in her career. It was also the moment where Sakura went to her teacher and demanded that she no longer work at the hospital unless it was absolutely necessary.

Death did things to people, this was a fact well understood by a village of ninja, but only the individual could really tell what it did to them personally. Sakura had discovered that to her, life wasn’t equal, that life had value and that she didn’t care for those whose life she equaled to less of that of a bug. Sakura had seen what death could do to a ninja in the eyes of shinobi and kunoichi dragged into the hospital, blood on their hands and pain in their eyes as if that blood had been their own. Privately, Sakura had always feared that this could become her destiny too, that despite the lengths she had gone to to strengthen her body, her mind would be too weak to take a life and she would break under the guilt of her actions. 

Tsunade, against all odds, agreed that recent events really were proof that Sakura would do better in the field and the admission alone nearly had Sakura on her ass in the middle of the Hokage's office from pure surprise. This new standing didn’t mean that Sakura was allowed out on missions straight away, in fact, Tsunade was completely steadfast in her opinion that Sakura had to take a week off from missions and work entirely. Sakura had been more than a little annoyed with that, restless as she had taken to being, but her saviours weren’t far away. 

Sakura had barely made it out of the Hokage tower, a mean scowl on her face as she inwardly cursed over the fact that she was going to be bored out of her mind for the next week, before a hand landed on her shoulder and she felt herself disappear in a cloud of smoke, only to, with an indescribable odd shimmering feeling, find herself in the middle of her favourite training ground, with Genma and Yugao in front of her. 

It was clear that they both knew that something had changed with Sakura , but neither Yugao with her uncharacteristically gentle smile, nor Genma with his proud smirk and teasing wink, said anything about the day before. Sakura remembered the way Genma had guided her through the post-mission debrief, the way he obsessively had made sure she was okay, the way he had walked her home and made sure she was okay even when she insisted that she just wanted to shower and sleep. It was enough to make Sakura smile back, enough that she understood that behind that smile were the words they didn’t really need to speak. Genma trusted that Sakura was okay, he didn’t need to ask and for that Sakura was grateful. 

The way Yugao smiled also held a mutual understanding. Sakura was sure Genma had told her everything and perhaps that was why, from this point on, Sakura felt like a friend to Yugao and less like mutually satisfied acquaintances. Sakura had killed, had taken a life with the tools that Yugao and Genma had given her, and she had survived the real killer of what she had done, the reality of her actions that could have brought her to her knees. Guilt. 

As they began training, falling into old patterns of learning, teaching, moving, Sakura felt at peace, like she was home with the people whom she was supposed to be with, like she belonged.

Chapter Text

Sakura was stubborn, she knew that much and yet she was unwilling to admit it most of the time as a matter of personal pride. She was however unable to ignore the fact that Tsunade, regrettably, was almost always right, and that practising medical ninjutsu really had given her a better control of her chakra than she could have ever imagined. The theoretical work alone gave Sakura an entirely new knowledge about how the pathways of her blood and chakra interacted and how the tenketsu points in her body functioned alongside the rest of her system. It was like a map of twisted roads that slowly began unwinding itself for Sakura as theory became practice and she developed an intimate knowledge of the source of her power. 

Even if Sakura hadn’t been in the hospital for weeks at this point, she was working on medical ninjutsu harder than she ever had and the results were astounding. 

Most prominently was the fact that Sakura was getting better and better at limiting her use of chakra so that with every jutsu she used, she only used the absolute necessary amount of chakra. It was tricky and still a hit or miss situation sometimes, but overall the results were impressive to say the least and Sakura was proud that she had managed to even render Genma speechless and had, on several occasions, reduced Yugao to both laughter or disbelief. 

Training with two elite ninja meant that Sakura very rarely, if ever, won a spar against the two, but to her that only meant that they weren’t going easy on her. And now, the fact that Sakura could make a substitution soundlessly and with hardly any smoke at all, gave Sakura a bit of an edge. Yugao and Genma even patiently let Sakura practise her medical ninjutsu on them, and for some time now, since they had really come to trust Sakura’s talent as a healer, they had even come to her once or twice with injuries from their missions. They hadn’t said what had happened and Sakura hadn’t asked, just placed her hand, only slightly glowing with the distinctive green light of a medical ninjutsu, on their injured bodies to heal them. 

So stubborn or not, Sakura was finally coming to terms with the fact that Tsunade had indeed been correct in forcing her to focus on medical ninjutsu. Still, Sakura would swallow a whole kunai before she was ever caught admitting that out loud. 

With her near immaculate control, Sakura was also slowly but surely starting to figure out genjutsu, and kami, Sakura loved it. She might not have ever really fit in at the academy with all the clan kids, but Sakura had always been a great student and the difficult theoretical practice behind genjutsu was right up her alley. In fact, as she had slowly started studying genjutsu more complex than beginner levels, it had become obvious why so few ninja used genjutsu on a regular basis. The theory in itself was insanely difficult and even Genma who used genjutsu regularly admitted to struggling with anything more complex than the illusions he favoured. Sakura had been more than a little disappointed when she, during a round of target practice, had asked Genma if anyone else in the village might be able to teach her and his face had twisted in an awkward grimace. 

“Well,” Genma scratched the back of his head. “Yuhi Kurenai is really good with genjutsu, but she has her own genin team and they are on a long team mission right now…” 

Sakura frowned. “There has to be others. There can’t only be one genjutsu user in the entire village.” 

Genma sighed heavily. “Well, genjutsu used to be an Uchiha thing since they were naturally better at it because of their kekkei genkai, and we happen to be a bit short on those at the moment. No one else really bothered to focus on genjutsu because it's so difficult to even become proficient and there was always gonna be an Uchiha kid who was better. Really, the only one other than Yuhi who is actually good with genjutsu is Hatake.”

Sakura grimaced. “Ah,”  Somehow she had entirely forgotten about her own sensei and the fact that he was a genjutsu user himself. Now that she thought about it, he had even used genjutsu on her during their genin test. Sakura could remember how chillingly real it had seemed when Kakashi had given her visions of Sasuke dying right in front of her. 

Not only that, but Kakashi had been their first one to even awaken Sakura’s interest in genjutsu. He might not have been a good teacher when it came down to it, but he had recognized her natural affinity and made sure she knew. 

As Sakura was lost in her thoughts, Genma interrupted her. “You could ask him, you know?”
Sakura took a senbon from her thigh holster, coated it in a camouflage genjutsu, and sent it flying after the log Genma had placed on the other side of the field. “I don’t know if I should.”

Genma followed Sakura’s example, but where there had been a slight shimmer around her senbon, his was entirely invisible, and only the distant thump of metal being embedded into wood revealed that he had hit his target. “What even happened between you two?” Genma asked, a slight tone of curiosity to his voice.

Sakura almost snorted in surprise at both the question and her sudden urge to laugh, because what even had really happened? 

“Nothing really,” she answered honestly after a second of thinking. “I was only on his team to fill the empty spot, so when the other two were gone he also left. Not that it mattered much in the end, even when he was my sensei he never taught me anything.” 

When Sakura looked up, Genma was frowning heavily and Sakura raised a brow in question. 

“I’m going to be honest,” Genma said slowly, “that isn’t the Hatake I know. I’m not saying that your experience isn’t valid but I just can’t imagine Kakashi ignoring a student of his.” 

Sakura shook her head. “He didn’t ignore me, in fact he saved my life quite a few times, but I don’t think he had much faith in me.” she shrugged like it didn’t hurt her a little, or a lot. “But then, you met me when I was still bad at everything. There wasn’t much good to say about my abilities then.” 

Genma didn’t answer right away and Sakura was glad that he didn’t try to tell her that she was wrong. 

“Do you want to ask him for tips on genjutsu? Knowing Hatake, he would be proud to see how far you have come.” 

Sakura considered it. She let the thought grow into an image of what would happen if she took Genma’s idea and ran with it, if she approached her previous sensei to ask for help and guidance. What would she even say, how would he react. Sakura couldn’t even think of the last time she had seen her former sensei and was frightened for a moment to realise that it might have been on top of the hospital just after Naruto and Sasuke had tried to kill one another. That had been the last day Team 7 had existed. 

“No,” Sakura said slowly, eyes averted from Genma as an ocean of emotions rolled over her. “I don’t think he liked teaching us very much in the first place.” It wasn’t the reason why Sakura didn’t want to go to her former sensei, but she didn’t know how to put what she was feeling into words. All at once she was scared of disappointing Hataka Kakashi, and at the same time, Sakura didn’t want to be who she had been the last time she had seen him. 

Despite being firm in her decision of not asking Kakashi for help with her genjutsu training, Sakura found herself keeping an eye out for silver hair when she walked through the village the following week. It hadn’t really occurred to her before, but now that she had thought about it, it was a little odd that she hadn’t even seen the shadow of her former sensei.  Not even when she had been working at the hospital, where ninja who had been in active battle on a mission had to go to get cleared, had she seen a single strand of silver hair. 

Could it really be that he was that busy and never in the village or was Hatake Kakashi just the type of person to hide away from the public if he could get away with it. With no small amount of disappointment, Sakura even considered that his whole personality as she had known it could even just have been a persona, a lie constructed to keep an emotional distance between himself and the kids he had been tasked with keeping alive.

 “Hey! Are you Haruno?”

Sakura looked up with a startle and saw that she was already at the gates of Konoha where she was to meet with her team for the day. Once more she had been added to a random team only for the day but she was excited to get out of the town for a new mission.

Sakura raised her hand with a wave towards the man who had spoken. “Sorry, yeah I’m Sakura, nice to meet you!”

The man, a chunin if Sakura were to guess, looked at her with an unimpressed stare before he turned to the rest of their five member squad. “Let’s head out.” 

Sakura ignored the cold welcome and followed the team as they walked out of the gates. While it was annoying, Sakura had gotten used to the fact that not everyone was excited to get a 13 year old with pink hair on their team, but she didn’t complain. Sakura was still just happy to even be going on missions, so she could deal with a few bad attitudes. Sakura was even getting really good at working with people she had only just met and her ability to judge people off of a first impression was sharpened with each mission she was added to.  

The mission was simple, she and the rest of the team had to go to the farming settlement north of Konoha to bring several heavy carts of cut rock for a new development. It was busywork at best but also the kind of mission that couldn’t be given to a genin team due to the literal heavy lifting it required. It was all the more reason why Sakura didn’t take the weird looks her teammates were giving her personally. She would have plenty of opportunities to prove herself as the mission went along, so for now they could doubt her all they wanted.

The full team consisted of herself, the wide shouldered man who had first spoken to her, and three other chunin, two boys and a girl, who seemed to be just a few years older than Sakura herself, probably 16 or so if she were to guess. 

Sakura had never worked with any of them before but at least the last three of her team members looked decently approachable, so with a smile she skipped up to the two walking closest to her. 

“Hello, I’m Haruno Sakura,” she said with a polite smile at the two young boys. 

One of the two, his dark hair combed back in a way Sakura had to admit she found a little odd, looked down at her. “Yeah, the medic.”

Sakura almost stopped walking. “The medic?”

“Yes, the medic. Are you stupid or something?”

Sakura frowned. This was crossing the line of the amount of doubt she was willing to ignore. “No. But I’m also not a medic.”

“So you are not the Hokage's apprentice and also not capable of medical ninjutsu?” It was the other boy who had spoken this time and his tone of voice was down right disrespectful. 

“Well, yes, but I’m not a medic.” 

The team leader, the displeased man who had first spoken to Sakura had heard the conversation and turned to her with a tired expression. “Girl, if you know medical ninjutsu, you are a medic, and that is a done deal. Too few know anything about it so the few who do have to fill the medic-nin positions.” 

“Well, I already quit being a medic so clearly you are wrong.” 

The team leader huffed like what Sakura had said was simply idiotic. “No, you can’t quit being a medic because it’s never going to be your choice, Konoha just isn’t in a conflict right now which means you are more useful elsewhere. The second that changes, you will be dressed up in white medic robes and put behind a protective line of actual shinobi.” 

“I am a shinobi.” 

“Girl, one of us has seen war and the other hasn’t. Trust me, medics are always either something valuable that must be protected or entirely useless and there is no inbetween.”

Sakura felt empty and too full of thoughts all at once and remained quiet for the rest of the mission. The worst part was that for all Sakura knew, he had been right. She had never seen war, but it made sense that anyone with the ability to heal would always be kept behind the front lines. With gritted teeth and a sour taste in her mouth, Sakura insisted on pulling one of the carts loaded with rocks all on her own, all because she could .

The team-for-a-day had barely made it back before Sakura was already itching to get away from them. Not only was her head swirling with questions and doubt, but she had also done her very best to show off in front of them, and while she had surely succeeded if she were to judge by their reactions, she was also paying the price now as every single muscle in her body was screaming at her. 

Against her better judgement, Sakura let those very thoughts simmer and grow in her mind for the following two weeks, the small irritation soon festering and becoming a mental wound that kept her distracted at all times of the day. It was so bad that even Tsunade noticed and punished Sakura for being unaware by sending her out to run laps until her mind was cleared. 

It wasn’t even entirely clear to Sakura why it bothered her so much that a random teammate had been so sure that if a new conflict was to break out, that she would be considered a medic. Not only was it all hypothetical at best, but she was also only a chuunin and it wasn’t like she would find herself in a war tomorrow. But then again, knowing that Orochimaru was out there somewhere meant that nothing was for certain. There could be an attack at any time for all she knew, and the idea that she would be kept away from battle to simply stand and wait for people to get hurt was too much.

It was almost three weeks after Sakura’s mission that she finally spoke about it. Yugao and Sakura had met up to train like they liked to on Sundays where they both tended to have time off, and Yugao had started out by requesting that Sakura take a quick look at her ribs.

“I swear I went to the Hospital but the nurse just spent a second healing my ribs before she sent me out and I swear they have to be more than just bruised.” Yugao all but whined, causing Sakura to laugh, something she had needed dearly.

“There are some minor hairline fractures so you aren’t entirely wrong but the discomfort you are feeling is just the bruising.”

Yugao mumbled something under her breath that wouldn’t be considered proper in civilian circles considering Sakura’s age, but Sakura only laughed. The fact that Yugao so openly joked and let her serious façade drop around Sakura was one of the things that made their friendship much more equal and a lot less like the relationship between a student and a teacher. Sakura would probably always see Yugao as a mentor, and likely the most important mentor she had ever had, but first and foremost they were friends and that was something Sakura didn’t want to take for granted.

“You fought the last war, didn’t you?” Sakura asked, her eyes locked on her hands that glowed faintly just above Yugao’s ribs.

The question seemed to come as a bit of a surprise to Yugao but she didn’t seem judgmental when she answered, only curious. “Yes? I was just a kid but we all had to fight.”

“I had a mission a few weeks back and my captain said that I’m going to end up as a medic at the next conflict. He said that I don't even have a choice and that medics are only useless or to be protected. Is it true?”

Yugao turned to try and catch Sakura’s eyes but Sakura kept her eyes down, unnecessarily focused on what she was doing. “Well,” Yugao answered as she turned back around, perhaps realising that Sakura was purposefully avoiding eye contact. “It’s really not that simple, but I think most people who fought on the frontlines of the last war might have complicated relationships with medics in general. It’s not because they were useless. There were just never enough of them and by the time the fighting really got bad, they were always the first target. None of the medics were trained for war and half of them weren’t even trained for basic combat, they had just been pulled straight from the hospital.”

Sakura let Yugao’s answer linger in her mind for a moment. “But if a new war ever started, I would have to be a medic?” 

This time when Yugao turned, she moved her whole body, forcing Sakura to stop her healing and look her in the eyes. “No, not necessarily. You would be put wherever you are most useful. War is all about getting the most use of people’s abilities based on the opponent's strategy.” 

“So it's relative?” Sakura asked, trying to make the whole scenario in her head to make sense. “My abilities will be judged based on what is needed, relative to the opponent and which other abilities I have and whether or not that can be spared?”

“You just sounded way too adult, but yes, that just about sums it up.” 

“Shit.” Sakura murmured and for all she had been panicked, she couldn’t help a small laugh.  “I’m really good at iryo ninjutsu.”

With the conversation Sakura had had with Yugao in mind, she kept doing whatever missions Tsunade added her two and each one of them always turned out to be a battle where she had to prove that she was more than a medic. It was frustrating. One reason for this was that Sakura wasn’t actually sure why everyone saw her as a medic, if it was because she was added to the teams as a medic by Tsunade as a part of her training, or if it was simply the knowledge of her being the Hokage’s apprentice that had firmly put her in the box of being a medic. Working hard to prove herself on every mission along with the training Sakura did with both Tsunade but also with Yugao and Genma, meant that Sakura was positively working herself to the bone. If there were mental signs of this other than the fact that she always slept like an absolute log, then Sakura didn’t notice, she didn’t have time for that, but the physical changes to her body were hard to ignore. 

At almost 14 years old, Sakura was smaller than she had ever been, simply because it had taken her too long to recognize that she wasn’t nearly eating enough for the amount of work she did. Historically, Sakura knew that this had been a general issue with kids who had fought in the war. The reason was that elite Ninja would usually supplement any amount of extreme work with soldier pills, but the small concentrated tablet containing both ungodly amounts of calories, caffeine, and other chakra restoring minerals, was too dangerous to give to prepubescent kids. Sakura remembered clearly how history books had described how the pills had greatly messed with the childrens hormone levels, stunting their growth and even rendering some of them infertile in their adult years, something Konoha now wanted to avoid at all costs since being a shinobi was almost always a life  you were born into, and infertile shinobi would mean a critical lack of future soldiers.

And now Sakura was in the situation herself where three heavy meals a day could no longer keep up with both growing and the amount of training she did every day. Even her mother had noticed how Sakura’s clothes had gotten just a bit too loose.  Now, desperate to stop herself from losing any more weight or body fat, Sakura was simply always eating, something Choji found highly amusing whenever they spent time together. While Sakura still had a small teenage voice in the back of her mind that said that ‘boys like skinny girls’, Sakura was simply past that kind of nonsense, she had to be. If she was already losing weight now, then it was only a matter of time before her body wouldn’t be able to keep up and she would start to lose muscle mass, something that was simply just unacceptable. 

Ino had proven to be the biggest help. Not only had she started bringing Sakura snacks whenever they saw one another, but she had also taken Sakura shopping. 

“You are being stupid, forehead. You just need a new outfit.” Ino said as she dragged Sakura down the streets of Konoha to get to the shops favoured by shinobi.

“I'm not going to buy new clothes! I need to gain the weight back,” Sakura huffed.

“And you will, but this modified uniform doesn’t work for you,” Ino said with so much judgement that Sakura knew for a fact that Ino hated her clothes. Sakura shrugged. She hated it too but her unusual outfit consisted of the pants from the standard chuunin uniform and a simple top and was most of all practical. It was extremely basic and had worked until now but the pants were extremely ill fitting and next to other girls her age, Sakura looked almost silly in her little getup. 

“Honestly, half of your issue is that your clothes just don’t fit and it makes you look disproportionally skinny.” Ino said and proved her point by picking at where Sakura’s pants were cinched with a belt, before pushing Sakura through the door to the store they had reached. 

Sakura stumbled from the push but quickly caught her balance again, mumbling under her breath. “I feel like this is less about you helping me and more about you being embarrassed to be seen with me.” 

“Take it how you want, it's still gonna end up with you being better dressed.”

Shopping with Ino was an experience to say the least, and while the blonde was as always on top of the latest fashion trends, Sakura still had to put her foot down and refuse several of the options Ino found in the stores. Everything from knee length dresses to shirts with intricate designs in flashy colours was an instant no. For all that Sakura had liked her old signature red, she simply went through clothes too fast now, tearing holes and wearing away at stitches. So while Sakura was going to allow Ino to find her something that fit better, neutral colours and cheap items that would be easy to replace was still Sakura’s highest priority. 

The final outfit was one Ino had refused to not let Sakura accept, and when she had tried it on, Sakura had to admit that Ino had probably been right all along. 

The new outfit consisted of a simple base layer that was made of a dark stretchy material, making the short and simple sleeveless shirt Sakura had chosen sit snug to her body. The apron style skirt Ino had chosen was Sakura’s favourite piece, even if she had at first objected to it. The slight rosy colour made the whole outfit look a lot more personal and a lot less like a uniform. It would also look good with the red shirts Sakura’s mother sometimes still made her wear, saying that Sakura should always be proud to wear the Haruno colours. Whenever the topic was brought up Sakura just smiled and put on the red traditional shirt, because it wasn’t that she didn’t like the colour, it was just horrible for camouflage and much too delicate for her to train in. However, seeing as her parents were still unaware of the fact that Sakura was no longer training as a nurse, this wasn’t really a point she could bring up. 

With this new outfit and especially with the apron skirt, Sakura could wear the shirt her mother favoured at any time she wasn’t in danger of tearing the stitches. Perhaps that would even help with their slightly strained relationship, Sakura thought to herself as she looked in the mirror. 

“Damn, Forehead. You look like a woman now, and your thighs aren't about to rib the fabric.” Ino said as she looked Sakura over before she handed Sakura the last few items to finish the whole look. 

Sakura snorted but she accepted the elbow guards and the black boots, something she had needed anyways as she had been growing out of her old sandals. “Thanks pig.” 

“I should probably get going too.” Sakura said as Ino with no shame took Sakura’s old clothes and asked the shopkeeper to just throw it out. 

“Oh, I totally forgot. I promised my dad that I would send you to the Hokage’s office when I was done with you.”

Sakura stood up so fast from where she had been zipping up her new boots that she nearly tripped. “Why didn’t you say that sooner?!”

“Because then you would have insisted we finish this in 10 minutes or less!” Ino rolled her eyes. “Relax, he told me it was nothing urgent and that we should take our time.” 

“Not four hours!” 

Ino simply shrugged, looking far too pleased with herself. “He didn’t specify.”

Chapter Text

Sakura wanted to turn on her heel and walk straight back out of the office she had just entered. 

While she had spend her fair share of time in her shishou's office, she usually knew what she had fucked up for her Shishou to look at her like she was looking right now. This time, Sakura had no idea and she was starting to worry for her own safety. She had even hurried to the office as soon as Ino had let her go from the shop but now she wished she had taken her time to get here as if she could have somehow emotionally prepared for whatever trouble she was in. 

It wasn’t rare that Tsunade got some of her frustrations out on Sakura during a spar, but usually Sakura knew that it was coming because she had been mouthing off, complaining about her missions and the fact that no one ever took her seriously as anything but a medic. Perhaps that was it, Sakura thought to herself. For the last 3 weeks, she had been even more vocal about her missions than she usually was. 

“Sakura, I have a job opportunity for you but I won't push it on you if you don’t want it.” Tsunade spoke calmly but Sakura could hear the tension in her voice, could see it clearly in how Tsunade's brows seemed to be almost twitching in the effort to not push together in a frown. “This is all strictly confidential and if you do decline the offer, then this meeting officially never happened.”

Sakura felt her fists tighten, the muscles in her neck straining with the rising anxiety. It didn’t sound like she was in trouble, and if this was another mission then it had to be serious for an in person brief. It had to be something bad . 

With a looming sense of doom settling on her, Sakura straightened her back and forced her hands open before she answered. “Hai, Shishou.”

Tsunade shifted forward and placed both of her hands on the desk, almost like she was bracing herself against what she was about to say.

 “The ANBU commander has voiced his interest in you.” 

A pin could have dropped and it would likely have sounded like a canon in the complete silence that instantly filled the office. 

“ANBU?” Sakura asked, her mind suddenly a little too empty, only a faint ringing of ‘what the fuck’ echoing in her head. 

“Yes.”

“....Why?”

Tsunade breathed deeply, leaning back in her chair. “Well first off, the commander likes to stick his nose where it doesn’t belong, and secondly you are quite talented, believe it or not.”

Sakura really didn’t believe that and it must have showed in her expression because Tsunade sighed and shook her head.

“Sakura, long gone are the days where  you got a political promotion that you were unequipped to handle. You have grown leaps and bounds and I wouldn't be surprised if you even pass your jounin exam within the next few years. If you want ANBU, then I have no doubt in my mind that you can do it. The commander doesn't just ask for anyone.”

Sakura was shaking her head even before her Shishou was done speaking. “No. I’m not good enough for ANBU.” It wasn’t a lie, it wasn’t something Sakura said to belittle herself, she had simply spend too much time focused on training to have the field experience necessary and even the training she had done wasn’t focused around stealth or intel gathering, two of the pillars of ANBU as far as her knowledge went.
“No, you are also not old enough but both of these are things that will change.” Tsunade answered plainly.

“I didn’t know ANBU had an age restriction,” Sakura asked, somehow easily distracted from the fact that Tsunade had actually agreed with her for once.  

“Just a few years back it didn’t, and I’ll tell you it caused a world of trouble for this village. Now anyone under 16 is not allowed to try out for ANBU and anyone headhunted before the age of 16 must only go on specifically sanctioned missions as well as go through additional training to make sure they are capable of being in the division.” 

Sakura nodded absentmindedly as she couldn’t help to think of the ‘trouble’ Tsunade had mentioned. Her curious mind instantly wanted to ask questions or even to do some research but she had to stay on topic now. “I’m still not sure why he wants me. I’m 13?”
“As much as I would like for you to also have a few more years of active duty under your belt, I think his reasoning is sound and it happens to align very well with my own plans for your training.” 

“... Can you elaborate?” Sakura deadpanned. 

There was a hint of a smile that pulled the corner of Tsunade's mouth at Sakura’s tone, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. “There are two reasons why he wants you. First off, having medics in ANBU would be incredibly useful on retrieval missions where the target has been in a hostage situation or on  missions where the client in general is of poor health. So far there have been too few shinobi with the combat abilities to fill these roles. And second, The commander wants to introduce a new era of ANBU where there is an emphasis on survival along with mission completion. It is no secret that being ANBU is dangerous, but the truth is that the majority of those who die in connection to the shadow corps do so because of what would have been treatable injuries if they had medics on their team. The commander has become increasingly unhappy with the number of his operatives who don’t believe that they will survive long enough to retire.” 

“That sounds…. Horrible.” 

“And it is. A lot of them will make it to retirement but even thinking that way is as deadly as any wound could be. So the commander wants to have operatives in his corps who are competent with iryo-ninjutsu but for usefulness but also for a morale boost, but so far he has been unsuccessful in teaching existing operatives.” 

Sakura frowned heavily, “So he’s going back to headhunting kids? Didn’t you just say that it had ended badly for you before?”

“Yes, it historically hasn’t been the most successful. He just can’t afford to wait any longer and you are the only promising candidate.” 

Sakura considered this and found that it all made perfect sense to her. In fact, if she hadn’t been so shocked over the offer she had just gotten, she would have been surprised to hear that ANBU didn’t already have competent medics in the ranks.

“How would this work?” Sakura asked the question almost hypothetically. It didn’t seem real to her what Tsunade was proposing. 

“You would be monitored closely until you reach the age of 16 and I would have to personally approve of all of your missions. You would have a monthly session with the intel department to make sure we, uhm, avoid certain issues we have previously had with operatives who were quite young.” Tsunade scratched her cheek as if she was thinking, but then with a heavy sigh she reached for the hidden drawer and pulled out a bottle of Sake and a small cup. “Along that line, it has also been agreed that if you accept, you would have to be an anonymous operative until you turn 16. You are young, and while I have full faith in you, it has happened one too many times that people with poor intentions have tried to corrupt the youngest of the elites. Keeping you anonymous would mainly be for your own safety.”

“So I would be ANBU but no one would know that it’s me? Not even my teammates?”
Tsunade nodded quickly before she downed her drink. “The rules of ANBU are that you are allowed to tell your family, if you so choose, and you are not obligated to keep the secret from operatives who discover your identity, although this should be avoided where possible.” Sakura listened carefully and instantly found the loophole that Tsunade had set up for her. If Sakura was even going to consider this then she knew that she needed to talk to someone who wasn’t Tsunade, someone who knew what ANBU was like from personal experience. 

“Shishou, can I have the day to think about it?” Sakura asked as she glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already well after noon but Sakura knew that she would have to get out of the office and breathe if she were to ever make a decision as important as this.  Right now, as she stood in that office, it was all still too unreal and too big for her to really understand what was about to happen if she accepted. Even the bubbly feeling deep in her stomach that felt almost like pride was almost drowned out by the overshadowing seriousness of the whole situation.

“Of course,” Tsunade said and there was a softness to her then. “Take the rest of the day to think it over. This is a big decision and for what it’s worth, no matter what you choose, I want you to know that I’m proud of you.” 

Sakura left the Hokage office with too much on her mind, but as if the universe wanted to make it harder on her, it was as if each step she took further cemented the truth of what had just happened. She had been headhunted for a spot in ANBU, the secret division of elites tasked with protection, surveillance, and assassinations. She, Sakura Haruno, forever the useless member of team 7 had been offered an opportunity to join the elite. It couldn’t be true. It simply wasn’t right. 

Even from her days at the academy, Sakura had been sure that Naruto would grow into himself and make his dreams come true, whatever they might become, and Sasuke would restore his honour and the legacy of his clan, finally overcoming the dark stain that was his older brother. 

Sakura herself, she would end up… somewhere… as someone's wife probably and then one day as someone's mother. 

But now everything was turned upside down and inside out. Naruto was gone off to travel and no one had heard from him for months, and Sasuke had run off to join a traitor and murderer. 

And Sakura herself, she had just been offered a promotion bigger than she had ever thought possible, and she was only still 13 years old. It was frightening when she thought about it, that after having put so much work into not being useless, she had actually somehow succeeded. 

Sakura knew that she wasn’t at her peak yet and that she still had so much to learn, but there was no way around the fact that useless people simply didn’t get scouted for ANBU. 

Sakura realised that she had been walking in a strange circle when found that she was once more right next to the academy. She found it strange to think about the fact that it really hadn’t been long since she had been a student inside that very building, and yet now it felt entirely foreign, like a faint memory from a dream where all the details were a blur. 

Walking through the trees around the school, it was easy for Sakura to find the spot where she had so often spent her lunch time all along, watching her fellow classmates run around playing and talking. She found it even more odd that she knew for a fact that the civilian kids her age still did just that, ran around and played pretend.

 Sakura hadn’t been back there in the small clearing since before graduation and was surprised to find that it looked different than she remembered, only for her to discover that it was in fact entirely the same, she was the one who had grown, causing her perspective to change and the branches to seemingly hang lower around her. With no effort at all, Sakura climbed the tree until she was sitting comfortably on a thick branch overlooking the academy. 

“Hey kid.” Genma landed almost silently in a crouch on the branch next to Sakura but she stayed silent and didn’t even flinch at his sudden appearance. Instead she kept her eyes focused on that building that had once been her entire world but now seemed almost like a fever dream.

Genma sat patiently for a long time before finally the quiet got the better of his restless soul and he shifted to bump his shoulder against hers.  “C’mon, tell me what has you looking like you’re trying to set fire to the academy with your eyes.” h said teasingly, like he was trying to lift her mood. “Seriously, I can smell the smoke coming from your brain.” 

Sakura hesitated for a second before she turned to look Genma in the eyes. It occurred to her then how odd it was that Genma had found her here when usually they only ever met up at random on the training ground. The look in his eyes too was too worried, too calculating to be entirely casual. The only possible conclusion was that Tsunade had sent him, and that he either knew what had been spoken in that office or that he knew it had at least been something important. Thinking about the loophole in the ANBU contract, Sakura kept eye contact and said as much as she was allowed without saying anything specific at all. “I got a job offer.” 

Sakura clearly saw as the words registered with Genma and then how the meaning of them did as well. While it was technically a secret, Yugao and Genma never made much of an effort to hide what they did for a living. Sakura had known for a while that both of them were ANBU operatives but she had never directly asked them, and it had been that mutual understanding that they didn’t hide it well and she wouldn’t ask that Sakura had bet on now, hoping that Genma would understand. 

“Well shit.” Genma said and the words sounded like they almost escaped him free of his own will. He didn’t know, Sakura decided. He was too visibly affected by what she had just implied to have already known what had been said in the Hokage’s office. Still, she was fairly certain that it wasn’t by accident that he had found her here and Sakura wondered if she should get Tsunade flowers or if it was someone else who had pointed Genma in her direction. 

Sakura hummed affirmatively and looked away from Genma. 

“Did they offer you a spot on a team or are they just pulling you in?”

Sakura shrugged. “No team...”

“C’mon pinky, you know you don’t have to keep this a secret from me.”

“Because you’re ANBU?” Sakura questioned as she glanced up at Genma. This was the first time either of them brought it up or even as much as mentioned it.

“Yep,” Genma said without hesitation. There was even a small smile on his lips as he reached up to ruffle Sakura’s hair. “As long as you know on your own accord, then I don't have to deny it. That's the way around the confidentiality policy anyways.”

Sakura huffed, “Well you and Yugao were never really subtle about it.” 

“So what was the offer?” Genma asked, ignoring Sakura’s comment. “It's been a while since ANBU pulled in a kid. Kinda' thought they were done with that to be honest.”

“Apparently the commander wants me to do what I already do, but for ANBU. Medic-nin position where I’ll probably be assigned to whatever teams that might need me.”

“Huh. I don't think ANBU has ever had a medic-nin before.”

Again, Sakura couldn’t help but wonder for a second how strange that was, but then again, Tsunade had been the one to revolutionise Iryo-ninjutsu and that had been mostly after the last war, so perhaps it made sense that it wasn’t a part of the elite military branches. 

“It's almost ironic that I got an offer for ANBU as a medic since I never even wanted to become a medic in the first place. Medical jutsu was just the basis of how Tsunade shishou taught me about chakra control. You know I hated working at the hospital” 

Genma squeezed Sakura’s shoulder gently, giving her some of the comfort she had desperately needed. “Yeah kid, I know”

“I don’t hate the thought of being a medic entirely. I know I’m good at it and that I can help people, but I want to do it in the field, like that mission with Choji I told you about. I can’t just stand back and wait for people to get hurt, not even in ANBU.” Sakura said, speaking slowly as she tried to put her thoughts into words even if the task seemed all but impossible. She only hoped that Genma would understand. 

“You don’t have to stay a medic-nin if you don’t want to. It isn’t your only skill by a long shot. Even in ANBU. you can change your speciality and change teams as you go. I changed teams a few times too, from intel to the Hokage’s Guard platoon and then again to the team I'm on now.”

Sakura let the silence stretch between them as she turned Genma’s words over in her head and leaned into his side, greedily taking all the comfort he was willing to give even if they were rarely ever tactile. She knew that she wasn’t useless anymore, not to the point she had been anyways. She was even considered talented due to her skills as a medic-nin but Sakura still doubted that she would be noticed for her combat skills if it wasn’t for her healing abilities. 

“I honestly thought you were going to shut me down immediately,” Sakura said in the end. She knew that even if she joined ANBU as a medic-nin, she would at some point be expected to take on all the other tasks expected of an ANBU operative, and she had not expected for Genma to so easily accept that this might be her future. Sakura was so used to being treated like a kid that it still sometimes surprised her how Yugao and Genma never did that.

“ANBU isn’t for everyone and I'm fully aware of that,” Genma was surprisingly serious, “but I'm not going to be the one to tell you what to do. I wasn't much older than you when I joined, even if it was a different time. But if you want someone to tell you to run for the hills, then I can do that for you.” 

Sakura nodded in reply, but didn’t speak so Genma continued. “You really don’t have to accept it. The commander is a reasonable man and he will understand if you don’t want to take the offer at all or if you want to wait a few years.” The way Genma said it was almost lighthearted but then his own words apparently hit him and his whole body went stiff and his voice almost panicked, “Actually that might be a good idea. Shit, if Yugao asks, I definitely told you to wait.” The sudden panic in his voice sounded a bit too real to simply be an attempt to cheer Sakura up and that was what had her shoulders shaking with poorly contained laughter. “you’re what, 13?” 

“I turn 14 next week,” 

There was another muffled curse from Genma, then another stretch of silence. 

“I was 16 when I joined, at that point I had already fought in the war. But, you already had your first kill, you know death…”

“Genma,” Sakura pulled away from under Genma’s arm and turned so that she was sitting with a leg on each side of the branch, looking at Genma straight on. “Please be honest and tell me what you think I should do. I want your opinion no matter what it might be. Just be honest. No sugar coating.” 

Genma’s shoulders sagged as he looked to the sky with a heavy sigh. Then, he turned, copying the way Sakura was sitting to look her in the eyes as he spoke. “Take the offer. I know you aren't happy where you are right now. I know that people look down on you and that even when you prove how much better you are, they still don't trust you as a team-mate. I can see that it tears you down how they don’t trust you to have their back. In ANBU there is none of that. Age doesn't matter if you prove yourself to be good and if you want to stay anonymous even within ANBU then that is also a possibility. Take the offer,” then with a small smile, more comforting than joyous, he added, “If it proves to be too much, I'll request your transfer myself.” 

“I have to be anonymous. It’s one of the safety measures they want because I’m too young still. But do you think I’m good enough? To not just be a medic?” 

Genma smirked, looking entirely too confident and proud. “You have two assassins as teachers, kid, and you are a very quick learner. I know you are good enough.”

Chapter Text

“What animal even is that?” Genma asked, sounding entirely too judgmental for Sakura’s liking.

She was in Anbu HQ for the first time and had just been given the mask she would wear as her new identity. The porcelain mask was cold in her hands, and she couldn’t shake the feeling that the mask was actually looking back at her. The stinging on her shoulder from her new Anbu mark was one of the few things that kept her certain that this was reality.

“No idea,” Yugao said with a hum. “It’s cute tho’.”

Sakura looked down at the mask. It was plain and quite simple when compared to other masks she had seen on Anbu agents. There was an indication of what could be a snout of some sort and two large red round circles on each side of the forehead above the eyeholes.

“Shit, you’re right. I can’t have a cute Anbu mask!?” Sakura said in a half panicked whisper. The mask really did look almost cute in a strange way, not at all as ferocious as the snarling expression or fanged masks she had seen on the way in.

“Be quiet, you degenerate. It's a mouse.” Tsunade said loudly from where she was standing in the corner of the room, almost hidden in the shadows as she leaned lazily against the wall.

Genma shifted closer and leaned over Sakura to look at the mask from the right angle. “A mouse? Huh. if you imagine some ears maybe… oh, the red sports.” 

“Probably had to be specially made since we discontinued all the kiddie sized masks.”

There was a sound from Tsunade like she was at once entirely too done with Genma and Yugao and entirely too used to their stupid comments. “Well, it's official. You are now a member of Anbu. These two will take you to your new team and because they both annoy me entirely too much. They will also be in charge of teaching you the sign language in your free time. Your new team is off the roster for a week, and you need to have all the Anbu protocols down by the end of the week.”

Then, without another word or even a look in Sakura’s direction, Tsunade left the room, leaving Sakura still staring at her mask and Genma and Yugao both watching her patiently.

Sakura had a difficult time keeping her eyes on them. It had been almost wrong to see her two friends in their official uniform for the first time after having gone so long with this big unspoken secret between them. And now she was dressed just like them. Black clothes covered by grey armour of the highest quality a ninja could get. At once it made her feel both older and much too young to be where she was.

Feeling that she couldn’t keep wasting time, she hung her mask on her belt where it stayed secured.

“Look at you, It’s like seeing a pink haired Yugao.” Genma said fondly and reached out to ruffle Sakura’s hair while he laughed at Yugao.

“Hey, I was 17 when I joined!” Yugao protested instantly, swinging a fist after Genma which he easily evaded.

“You were still really scrawny.”

“Shut it, Genma.”

“Yeah yeah. What are you gonna do about your hair?” Genma asked Sakura as he mindlessly tightened one of the straps on her armguards. “Pink is a little too recognizable.”

“I haven’t found a better solution than a henge to change the shade. It should be simple enough that I can keep it going without focusing on it, and since I’ll always be wearing my mask and using my code name, people will already be expecting me to change my appearance.”

“Good thinking. Although Anbu also has special grade hair dye that you can use for longer missions where a continued henge would become a hindrance.”

Sakura packed that information away for later before she got herself ready to finally step out into the HQ.

Genma and Yugao showed Sakura around the headquarters then. Sakura, who was wearing her mask and a quick henge which coloured her hair entirely black, followed them silently as they showed her the changing rooms, the showers, the mess hall and much more. The people who passed them were almost all unmasked just like Yugao and Genma, and while some greeted the two politely, no one did more than send a quick look in Sakura’s direction. It was strange and while she wasn’t sure what she had expected in the first place, it certainly wasn’t this, but it was like the mask on her face was entirely enough for people to simply ignore her, allowing her the full anonymity she had to operate under. Not one person stopped her to ask questions or acknowledge her at all.

After a while the three of them reached a long hallway with doors on each side, each door with a small sign holding the name of the team and the captain whom the room belonged to, and the three of them stopped in front of a door where Toad was written in white paint.

“This is where you will be based.” Yugao said when she stopped outside of the door. “Your team should all be in there and waiting. They know that you are not allowed to reveal your identity or remove your mask.”

“Do you know them?” Sakura asked quietly. In the eyes of the law, she was officially an adult and her new position in Anbu had left no room for her to be a child, and yet she had never felt more like a kid than she did just then. Everything around them seemed so dark and daunting and Sakura was more nervous to meet her new team than she had been that day in the academy when she had been assigned to team 7. The start of team seven had been the start of her career. Her Anbu team would be in charge of her life.

“Yeah, I know Toad, he is a good guy,” Yugao said gently, like she understood what Sakura was really feeling oven if she couldn’t read her facial expressions. “Genma worked with Ram for a little while, he is a little brute but a good teammate. Goose doesn’t speak much but she is strong as shit.”

Sakura took the information in like a sponge, as if the meagre amount of knowledge that had given her was useful in some way. Then she nodded determinedly. “Okay. I’ll see you around I guess.”

Then she turned and, without hesitating as this would surely have given her fear just enough time to win, opened the door.

The room she entered was relatively small and rectangular, holding a desk a few couches and a small kitchenet.

A large man had been leaning against the table where two other people were sitting. All of them were wearing their masks. “Well there you are. Kept us waiting long enough.”

Sakura straightened her back as the door closed behind her. “I apologise.”

“What’s you name.”
Sakura stood straight “I’m not allowed to say.”

“Take you mask off at least.”
“I’m not allowed to do that.”
“How old are you.”

Sakura hesitated. “I.. I don’t actually know if I'm allowed to say that either.”
Toad laughed, to Sakura’s big surprise, and then he reached up and removed his own mask. “Damn right you aren’t,” he said, now with a crooked smile on display. He looked much younger than Sakura had anticipated based on his deep voice. Perhaps the same age as Asuma, Ino’s sensei. “but that just means that you are too young to be here in the first place.”

Sakura didn’t answer. She had nothing to say to that.

“But, you are here now so who you are doesn’t really matter anymore. You are Anbu. That’s it.”

“She is a little small though, isn’t she?” The woman in the room spoke, and then she two reached up to remove her mask, revealing a stern face.

The last man in the room with his ram mask also reveal his face as he got up from his chair to move a few steps closer. “I'm surprised they even have uniforms in those sizes still.”

Goose leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed, a posture that only enhanced how muscled she was. “She looks about the size of five sticks tied together.”

“Hey, I'm not that small,” Sakura protested weakly. She wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do but she couldn’t imagine that any Anbu team would want a teammate who couldn’t stand up for themselves.
“For this team you are,” Toad said plainly. “We are a demo team. Demolition specialists. Our missions consist mostly of wreaking havoc, making noise and levelling compounds with the ground. We are all big by design. It makes us look more menacing when we eventually have to reveal ourself.”

Sakura looked at the three of them, and just as Toad had said, they were all taller and broader in their build than the average shinobi, even Goose looked to carry more muscle than anyone Sakura had worked with before and Goose was the smallest of her three new team members.

Not having anything to say to her defence, Sakura shrugged. “I didn’t know Anbu had team like this.”
“Anbu has teams for pretty much everything. We all have the ability to do the basics of Anbu; surveillance and protection mostly, but beyond that we are assigned to squads that specialize within a certain area. Demolition teams like ours are tasked with tracking down hideouts and destroying them if they are unoccupied. It makes it easier for Konoha to keep up with potential hiding places that an enemy might make use of,” Ram explained, and Sakura found she quite liked his voice. Compared to how tough he looked with his short dark hair and weathered skin, he had a happy tone when he spoke. “We also get dispatched after assassination teams or infiltration teams have done their recon or hit their target. Those once we call clean-up duty.”

Toad nodded in agreement. “So while you shouldn’t take it personally, you aren’t exactly of the right build for this team.”

Sakura smiled confidently even if her teammates couldn’t see it. “I might not be big, but trust me when I say that it makes sense that they put me on your team.”

Over the next few hours, much like she had expected, Sakura’s new team decided to put her abilities to the test.

“Holy shit, newbie. How did you do that without elemental release?” Ram landed effortlessly back on the ground next to Sakura, having had to leap out of the way when she cracked the ground beneath their feet.

“Natural force and a very precisely timed output of chakra,” Sakura explained with as much of a casual tone as she could. The technique was quite unique after all and very few had the ability to do what she had just done. It had been a worry of hers when she had considered Anbu under the stipulation of anonymity. Of all of the skills Sakura had developed, her chakra control was so good that it was practically a signature and the ability to crush boulders was tied directly to the Hokage. However, after some deliberation, Sakura had realised that it wouldn’t really matter which abilities she showed within Anbu. No one knew that these abilities connected back to Sakura because she as Sakura didn’t have a real network within the Shinobi community. She had no official sensei or a team, so hardly anyone ever saw her fight enough to the point where they would be familiar with her repertoire.

But however casual Sakura had tried to be, it didn’t make her abilities any less impressive from a shinobi’s point of view and even Goose, who really had turned out to be a very quiet person, chimed in with her opinion on the huge whole in the ground they were now standing around. “That is literally insane.”

“I guess I’ll take that as a compliment?”

Ram have a barking laughter, “Damn right it is. Gotta be a little insane in Anbu. You might be green still, but I like you already.”

“So, what happens now?”
Toad gave her a friendly but very hard smack on the shoulder. “We have a week to train you to the point where you will be field operational.”

Training with Anbu was unlike anything Sakura had ever tried before, despite how many new training techniques she had went through in just a few years after leaving team 7. While Sakura was pretty certain that the rest of team Toad weren’t actively trying to kill her, her new teammates made it clear that this was a sink or swim situation. Sakura only had a week to learn massive amounts of information so naturally the gloves had to come off. But more than just for Sakura to have to learn, the amount of training also seemed to serve the purpose of allowing Sakura’s new teammates the time and proof of her abilities they needed to trust her, and it had been no small task for Sakura to accept the fact that she was just as much responsible for her teammates lives as they were for hears. The fact that she was younger or newer to Anbu didn’t change anything.

Ever day started at 06.00 on team Toad’s favourite training ground, one of the few once that were completely flat and bare. Toad himself would then take the whole team through a gruelling workout to “really wake you all up”, before they got to the schedule for the day. It turned out that both Toad and Goose had earth style elemental chakra release and would use their ability to create stone compounds that the team could use for their training. Over the week they went through everything from quiet infiltration to coordinated attacks meant to take out all stabilizing point in a buildings construction at once. Sakura learned to tell different building materials apart even from a distance and when covered with paint or foliage, and she even spend an entire night reading a thick book on sociology and the human mind to understand why people tended to build buildings with very similar layouts, knowledge which would without a doubt be extremely useful during infiltrations. She studies how the natural landscape would show signs of underground bunkers or other human activity even when someone had gone to great lengths to disguise it and how to avoid leaving those very same indicators behind should she ever need to camp out.

To Sakura’s great pride, she continued to impress her teammates. She wasn’t on their level yet, but the greatest divided between them was simply experience, something Sakura finally had a real chance at getting.

The best part however, and where Sakura was truly a natural, was the pure demolition part of her new job. Ram had told her how much of their job really just was to make a mess and Sakura was nothing short of a natural talent when it came to breaking walls or even entire buildings. Her natural strength and her impeccable chakra control was perfect for her new team and, best of all, it was fun.

Yugao spend the late evenings with Sakura on her roof, teaching Sakura the basics of Anbu sign language. It was simple in theory but got more complex as Sakura started to understand it. All the signs were one handed and could be a single sign or a combination to mean a single letter, a word, or even a full sentence. While the basics were meant for combat use and infiltration mainly, full conversations could be had using the signs with just a little bit of creativity and an open mind. Of course, Sakura only crammed the basics into her mind for now, not wanting to risk messing that up by biting off more than she could chew when she had so much else to learn.

Best of all, in the mess that now was her life, was that Sakura had never had as much fun or been as happy as she was now. There were several contributing factors, such as the fact that her teammates had taken her in with open arms, the fact that she was hardly ever at home and therefor simply didn’t have time to fight with her parents, and the fact that Sakura obviously belonged in Anbu. The training was challenging, the theory was fun, and the tactics she had to learn were mind-blowingly genius even when they were simple and really just relied on perfect teamwork and synchronization. And after one week, Sakura training was put to the test on her first Anbu mission.

Sakura couldn’t help the mild shiver that worked through her body from the cold wind, her black and grey uniform not doing much to keep her warm. She was at the edge of the training ground that her team favoured and she was waiting for the rest of team Toad to show up for their first mission. It had been assigned to them ahead of time and had specifically been chosen for them because it was low-risk. The mission was simple; the team would head out just before dawn and travel towards the boarder where an old merchant’s compound had been abandoned some years before. There hadn’t been any activity in the area, but the main concern was that the location was remote enough that if it did become occupied by rebels or thieves, it could become a real issue.

While Sakura had been at the meeting spot early, because no way was she going to be late for her first mission, she didn’t have to wait long before the rest of her team shunshined into existence right next to her.

“Mouse, good to see you. Feeling ready?”

“Hai, Taicho,” Sakura said, determined to prover herself.

“Not that we doubt that,” Ram interrupted and Sakura found that she already knew the man well enough that she knew that he was wearing that signature crooked smile simply by the tone of his voice.

“Ram is right, we have all become quite confident in you abilities, however, this will be an easy mission and therefor your one chance at asking any questions you might have. You introduction to the forces is a bit unusual so we don’t really know which knowledge or information you might be missing.”

 Sakura nodded and felt herself relax a little. While she wanted to prove that she was ready and that she had studied hard, she also knew the importance of what Toad had implied. There would be no room for error after this mission, but he was giving her a last chance because no matter how hard she had studied, living it would be different.

“Okay, diamond formation, Mouse taking up the rear.”

The team left the village at high speed, much higher than Sakura had ever travelled with any of the chunin teams she had worked with, but she had no issues keeping up. Still, Sakura knew that on longer distances she would have to rely heavily on her natural strength and impeccable chakra control to make up for the fact that she was simply so much shorter, and therefore had to take two steps every time her teammates took one just in order to keep the same pace.

It took the team around 6 hours to reach their destination, and the short travel time only further cemented the importance of the mission even if it was technically an easy one. The area they were in was remote in terms of civilians, but it was much too well hidden and close to Konoha for comfort. The team of four landed in the treetops a few hundred meters away, Toad holding a closed fist in the air to signal ‘silence’. Sakura held her breath as she crouched down next to Goose on the thick branch, letting her eyes wander over the area in front of them.

To the untrained eye, the compound would look like a small wooden building, not really big enough to hold anything of importance or a significant amount of people. However, now that Sakura had absolutely stuffed her brain with new knowledge, she could see that this wasn’t actually the case. The cleared ground around the area had sparce growth even after being abandoned, with patchy spots of grass and old cart tracks, all signs that something more was going on than just the small hut. The compound was small from above ground, but seeing as it had been used for storing vegetables during the heat of summer as well as during the cold winters, the sublevel part of the compound was both large and well-constructed with thick walls to keep out moisture and frost.

“The area looks clear. We will do a sweep of the area before we move inside to do the same. Then we take the compound down from the outside. Ram and Mouse take south-west, Goose, we take north-east. Go.”

Sakura followed Ram as they set out through the trees on Toad’s order. With her mind focused on any traces of chakra that would be lingering if other shinobi were around, Sakura also kept and eye out for any disturbance in the forest below them. The team conducted their sweep in under 5 minutes, being meticulous but fast before the moved inside. Sakura finally felt the small sparks on anxiety which she knew would be coming as she stepped inside and descended down the concrete stairs into the lower cellar. She had anticipated it, had known it would come eventually and Toad had even warned her and made sure she knew that it wasn’t a bad thing. That small spark of anxiety was what kept them on their toes, kept the adrenalin pumping and kept them alert at all times. Anxiety wasn’t bad in their line of work, and the day that this sparked didn’t come was the day to worry. Being overconfident in Anbu would get you killed.

As the four of them went through the building, not even their steps made a sound, all of them keeping as silent as possible even if there were no signs of occupants in the facility, and after a full sweep Toad broke the silence with his next order. “All clear. Up top.”

Stepping back out into the open settled the worst of the anxiety Sakura had felt bubbling in her during the sweep of the compound, like the fresh air and distinct lack of enclosed spaces settled something deep insider her.

Sakura, along with Ram and Goose gathered to face Toad who also looked much more relaxed now than he had before and during their search, with his arms crossed casually across his chest. He looked from Goose to Ram who both gave a small nod, then he looked straight at Sakura.

“So now that we have deemed the area all clear, we agree that you get to do the honours of taking down the compound.”

Sakura was stunned for just a second as she felt herself perk up. “Really?” she asked, surprised that she didn’t have to prove herself further before getting to do something so important.

But Toad only nodded before he said softly, “Take it down, Mousey-chan.”

Sakura was glad for her mask, because there was no way she could fight the huge smile she was sporting as she punched her chakra enhanced fist into the ground.

Chapter Text

Working with Anbu was like stepping into a whole new world for Sakura and that in the best way possible, even if most of the missions she went on were simple. Being on the demo-squad they often had missions specifically tailored to their particular skillset, but more often than not they were on the regular rotation to watch over Konoha’s boarders, which mostly just consisted of running laps around the village and stilling still in trees for hours on end. But even on those days, Sakura was now a part of a team where comradery was a priority and where team trainings took place 4 times a week and she sparred with at least one teammate each day. She had never tried anything like it. During her time on team seven she had spent every day with them, but most of that time had really been spend listening to Sasuke and Naruto bicker or taking D rank missions around the village which was really just poorly paid manual labour.

Now Sakura stated each morning early with a large breakfast before she dressed in her uniform and then performed a simple genjutsu on herself, making it look like she was dressed in her characteristic red dress.

Disguised, as herself, ironically, Sakura made her way to the Hospital where she slipped around the side of the building to the secret entrance she had come to prefer. Behind the well-hidden door, Sakura would remove her genjutsu and place the cold Anbu clay mask over her face before she walked down the long tunnel towards Anbu HQ.

Being anonymous was both harder and easier than Sakura had dared to imagine. Her team never expected for her to reveal herself, never asked questions about her personal life, and overall respected her more and more for each day. They had even given her a nickname and now Sakura was Nezumi-chan outside of missions, and sometimes on them as well. She didn’t mind at all. It was nice to not always be called by her code name directly.  

The only problem was outside of the team. It was difficult not to notice that a lot of operatives were uncomfortable around her and the thick layer of secrecy that she worked under. Anbu was different than any other Shinobi rank in the fact that with every mission they went on they were expected to do it with their life on the line and no questions. They couldn’t pick and choose the missions they wanted or the level of risk they felt comfortable with, they simply just had to follow orders. This meant that the Anbu operatives were also much closer than the usual ninjas, and that very few stayed anonymous like Sakura, and in some ways this made her an outsider.  Sakura, always wearing her mask and her uniform, with a henge and a neat little medical trick that made her vocal-cords swell just enough to make her voice a little different, seemed to put people on edge.

And it wasn’t really strange. It hadn’t required much digging for Sakura to find out that the age limit on Anbu had been put in effect after Uchiha Itachi had killed his entire clan at just around her own age. It was only natural that people were a bit suspicious about a kid running loose within the ranks again.

Sakura did her best to be as non-threatening as possible around HQ where she was surrounded by slightly (very) paranoid operatives and each day it was working just a bit more. The fact that her team at accepted her in full also made the process a lot smoother and once or twice a week, someone would join the table Sakura’s team was eating at in the mess-hall and even include her in the conversation. Yugao and Genma were also a big help in convincing people that Sakura was a non-threat. With all of them having a busy schedule she hadn’t seen the two of them more than a handful of times in HQ, but one of the times, Yugao had come running down the hall to catch up with her, ruffling her hair up while talking animatedly. Anyone who had been around instantly warmed up to Sakura and she had a sneaking suspicion now that Yugao held a whole lot of power within Anbu amongst the operatives.

Within just a few weeks Sakura had started getting used to her new routine and started to feel comfortable in her abilities whenever she and her team went on missions. As they had all explained to her when she had first joined, a lot of their missions outside of Konoha consisted of clean-up missions, where the team would move in after an assassination, a fight, or anything else which could have left even the smallest of traces which could potentially lead back to Konoha. But contrary to what Ram had insinuated plenty of times, Sakura never found these missions boring. Toad had helped Sakura to discover that she too had a natural chakra affinity for the earth element, and with each mission she would practice her new-found abilities.

Together they would raise the earth beneath their feet to hide all evidence of a fight. It was tricky work since earth-style ninjutsu had its limitations, meaning that they couldn’t make grass or trees regrow where the soil had been destroyed. Instead they had to work slowly and meticulously, shifting the earth a centimetre at a time, stretching it along with the naturally growing grass and foliage around the affected area to slowly cover up any marks. It was incredibly chakra intensive, especially for someone like Sakura who didn’t have great reserves to begin with, but with her control she quickly learned to work around it, minimizing her output to the lowest amount possible.

Another part of clean-up duty was the bodies. The first time they had been dispatched to a clean-up involving dead bodies, Sakura had been a little surprised by how okay she was with it. Anbu protocol was that any targets were to be sealed in a scroll after elimination and then taken back to Konoha for identification. Anyone who wasn’t a targeted hit and who’s body didn’t pose an immediate threat of discovery was left for clean-up crews. That meant that the bodies Sakura was tasked with, were mostly groups of bandits or whomever had been with the target of the original hit. While it was gruesome, Sakura knew that what she was doing was for the better of Konoha and even if she didn’t know the details, sealing away dead bodies or simply burring them deep underground didn’t bother her as much as it possibly should have.

In parts, Sakura contributed this to her time at the Hospital where she had spent countless hours in the morgue. It was funny really, how the more time she spends away from the hospital, the more Sakura started to really appreciate everything she had learned during her time there. From being comfortable around dead bodies to healing minor scrapes and cuts on herself and her teammates, Sakura was thankful. The first time she had shown her healing abilities, was on a mission where Ram had mis stepped in a landing and taken Goose with him in a nasty tumble, causing Ram himself to get a nasty gash down his arm and Goose sprained her ankle. Being Anbu, there was no turning back for such minor injuries even if the mission was just a simple recon, and Sakura could hear in Toad’s voice how bad he felt when he asked for the two to rejoin the formation. But before they had even gotten up off the ground, Sakura stepped forward with the slight green sheen on medical ninjutsu illuminating her black glove. All three of her teammates had watched silently as she healed them.

When she was done, having worked in complete silence, she stepped back and looked up at Toad, awaiting orders like a good operative.

“You’re an iryo-nin?” Toad asked, tone unreadable.

“No,” Sakura said, her own slightly altered voice just as blank.

“But you know iryo-ninjutsu?”

Sakura stared back at her captain. “Yes.”

Sakura waited for a beat but she didn’t add anything to her answer. To her, what she had confirmed and denied was the simple truth. She was Anbu operative Mouse, part of the demo-team captained by operative Toad and while she had an extensive knowledge of iryo-ninjutsu, she was not an iryo-nin. She was mouse. Toad stared right back at her. Even with all but his face covered, Sakura could tell that his mind was busy with thought.

“Are you good?” Toad asked curiously, his eyes still slightly narrowed behind his mask.

“-I’m not an iryo-nin,”

“-Are you good?”

Sakura breathed deeply. “.. I’m one of the best.”

“And they let you out of the Hospital?”

“I’m not an iryo-nin.”

Sakura was surprised by the scoff of laughter that escaped Toad. “No, your not. Because then you would be stuck on D and C ranks, wouldn’t you? Don’t worry I’m not gonna kick you off the team. You already proved yourself more than capable and I’m not one of those stupid enough to not recognise an advantage when I see one.”

“Don’t start treating me like a medic now just because I can put bones back together.”

“I promise.”

Ram broke the tension when his heavy hand came down on Sakura’s shoulder. “Actually, I’m inclined to never let her leave our team. Hell, Mouse, you were already an overachiever and now this!? I’ll fight any team who asks to get you transferred over to them.”

“I agree.” “We are definitely keeping the Mouse.”

“C’mon, Sakura! We’re going to be late!”

Sakura rushed to the mirror to try and smooth down her hair, doing her best to make it look less wild and like she had only just gotten home from a mission 4 hours ago, which she had. Sakura had been extraordinarily busy with her new life in Anbu but perhaps that was why she hadn’t been able to say no when Ino had shown up talking about how all of the rookies and team Guy were meeting up for a picnic. It had been so long since Sakura had had an opportunity to spend time with Ino, let alone the rest of her former teammates, and while she was slowly making friends with her Anbu team, having friends her own age was different. Being mentally in a good place, Sakura fought off the part of her mind that told her how exhausted she was and let the excitement of seeing her friends wake her up.

“Who’s going to be there?” Sakura asked, slightly out of breath as she jogged to catch up with Ino who had already started walking.

Ino shrugged. “Everyone, I think. Chouji and Shika, Hinata, Shino, maybe Neji. Tenten will definitely be there and Probably Lee too. Kiba might not be there until later, he had some family stuff.”

“oh. Its been so long since I saw most of them.”

“Yeah how are you so busy?” Ino asked with raised brows and a suspicious look.

Sakura did her best to look nonchalant. “Shift at the hospital are long and when I’m not working there, I’m working with Tsunade-shishou. But it’s fun and I get to do lots of research.”

“Hmm. It sounds pretty cool but its till too bad you can’t run missions with us. Neji and Hinata are both busy with clan stuff recently, Kiba and Chouji too, so the rest of us Rookies started running odd teams for missions. It’s really fun.”

The instant pang of envy felt ugly but not entirely unjust as Sakura imagined just how fun those missions must be. She had fought to get anyone to take her out on missions and now she was missing out again. It wasn’t even like she could ask to tag along for a mission or two. Between her time in Anbu and the few hours a week she really did spend at the hospital, Sakura barely had time to sleep and see her parents if she wanted to also stay on top of her training.

Arriving at the spot for their picnic had Sakura overrun with people she hadn’t seen in ages. Tenten was on her instantly along with Hinata, rambling about how good it was to see her again and asking which hole she had been hiding in. As overwhelming as it was, it was also nice to feel like the Sakura she had been in the academy. Talking to all of the others was easy and when Lee showed up with boardgames they had all played at the academy, the fact that they were all ninja was all but forgotten. For the first time since they had graduated the academy, all of them were just kids, playing together in the sun on a day off. For those few hours, Sakura forgot all about team 7, forgot all about the time she had spend at the hospital doing miserable work, and forgot all about Anbu.

It was enchanting, really, how the sound of laughter and the feeling of sun on their skin transformed rookie-killers back into the children they could have been, had their parents made different choices or had they been born in a different village.

For just that day, the Kunai in their pouches were forgotten, the senbon packed neatly on a line were entirely ignored. For just those few hours, the piece of metal they all wore with Konoha’s insignia engraved onto it, transformed from being a piece of protection, a license to kill, to being just an accessory, something simple and almost meaningless to the innocent children that they were there under the sun.

“Alright, team. Let get this done so that we can get home. The smell of fire is still pretty overpowering so take some of the burnt branches and make a small firepit. Better to make this place look like an abandoned camp than a badly covered up murder scene.”

Sakura snorted at Toad’s tired demands but still refocused the chakra she was pushing into the ground, leaving a particularly singed spot bare and burned as she pulled in the surrounding grassy parts to stretch and cover more ground.

“badly?” Ram instantly protested, “We are the best demo and clean-up team in all of the Ops!”

Goose tiled her head in a way which Sakura already was so familiar with that she could imagine the exasperated face Goose was pulling in great detail. “Dude. We are one of two teams…”

“Yeah and the other team sucks ass.”

“Only because Tiger had to leave his captains position there.” Goose said as she threw a twig after Ram’s head with scary accuracy.

“Tiger doesn’t count, his skills are unnatural.” Ram said with a tone as if this was obvious and common knowledge. Sakura was starting to get a little curious as to who this operative was and what exactly made him so unnaturally good at his job. But she didn’t have a chance to ask before Toad made his opinion known once more.

“Just get this done, I wanna go home.” Toad looked about ready to either dive headfirst into bed or call and extra long training session just to make the rest of them, mainly Ram and Goose, suffer.

“Sure thing boss. How elaborate are we making this camp?” There was a little too much cheer in Ram’s voice still and Sakura was getting more and more certain that they had a brutal training session waiting for them but she still couldn’t help the way she giggled at her team-mates antics.

“Bare fucking minimum.”

“Gotcha.”
Quiet laughter filed the clearing, none of them taking Toad’s grumpy attitude seriously. But they barely worked for a few minutes before Goose stood up from where she had been working. “Taichou. Bird incoming.”

Toad stood up, looking where Goose had pointed and after a second, Sakura could also see what Goose had pointed out. A large falcon was heading in their direction, the small scroll it was carrying getting clearer as it dissented.
“God fucking damn it.”

“What?” Sakura asked confused. Never before had she received a message while on a mission, especially not an Anbu mission. It was too easy to intercept a message like this and too easy to trace back to Konoha as well. This had to be important.

“That’s gonna be a new mission.” Toad said with defeat.

“Ah, so no going home?”

“Nope,” Goose confirmed.

All of them stood quietly as the large bird landed and Toad took the scroll, breaking the seal with his chakra and reading quickly.

“Alright, lets finish up here, then we are heading north for Nezumi-chan’s first hit mission.”

Chapter Text

Sakura followed the rest of Team Toad silently as they travelled through the woods. Toad had dropped the bomb that this would be an assassination, and then promptly ordered them to get into formation. No further information had been given about the situation they were heading into.

Not having a map, Sakura would have to admit that she was starting to get a little bit lost as to their exact location, but their direction of travel hadn’t changed much, and they were well within fire country still. It wasn’t entirely surprising that Toad hadn’t briefed them on the mission yet, not only was he a man of very few words, but he was also a little lazy sometimes and had a habit of waiting till the very last second if the task allowed it. It was perhaps Sakura’s favourite thing about him. It made him a lot more human.

Just as darkness began to settle, a few streaks of orange still painting the sky in the far horizon as they four operatives stayed covered in the three tops, toad signalled for them to stop. When all three had landed beside him, Toad pulled the scroll from his pack.

“Alright,” Toad started somewhat lazily, “this hit was originally requested by a small orphanage about an hour’s travel away from here. There is a gambling city not far away, a pretty good one too, and a lot of small town leading up to it. The orphanage noticed a few weeks ago that some of the kids had things they couldn’t have been able to buy themselves, but when they investigated, thinking that the kids had stolen it, that wasn’t the case. These kids had money and were entirely unwilling to tell how they got it. Then, 2 weeks ago, the kids started going missing. When they sent the mission request, the fourth kid had just disappeared.”

Goose tilted her head in question. “Shouldn’t this be a B-rank jounin mission? Intel and arrest?”

“It should but the orphanage sent all the money they had along with the mission request. It was barely enough for a C rank.”

“Ah. So the Hokage’s bleeding heart sent Abnu?”

Toad huffed. “Exactly. This way the expense strays hidden and even if someone were to dig around, the cause is easily explained. We are to leave the orphanage with information about the Academy. Some of the kids might want to go train as ninja.”

Ram gave a short laugh. “What, they wanna give Nezumi-chan some more age-appropriate teammates or something?”

“No but the number of children entering the academy is getting smaller and smaller with each generation. We can’t rely on the clans to fill out the ranks anymore.”

“Still. Civilian born kids with no parental support? That can’t end great.”

Sakura couldn’t help but laugh herself this time. It was only for a second before she managed to strangle the sound in her throat, but the humour was still clear in her voice when she spoke despite the chilling subject of conversation.

“Ram… I’m a civilian born with no parental support.”

“Wait. Really?” The surprise was clear in his voice.

“Yeah. My parents don’t approve of my choice of education and right now they think I’m working full time at the Hospital.”

Goose chuckled. “Huh. Overachiever as always, you little shit.”

“Alright, let’s get back on track. We have a rough idea of who the perpetrator is and where to find this man but we are going to have to do a bit of surveillance,” Toad said, even if his voice also had a hint of humour in it.

“The ‘get in disguise and cruise the streets or the hide in a tree for 30 hours’ kind?” Ram asked.

“We will be cruising, but only Goose and I. We don’t know who we are dealing with but two new faces attract a lot less attention than four.”

“And let me guess, you want me and Nezumi-chan to magically procure some real food for dinner because you are sick of ration bars?”

“Well would you look at that, you are a genius after all, Ram. Didn’t see that one coming.”

“Oh fuck off, get going.”

Sakura laughed so long and so loudly that when she and Ram set out to hunt, they had to travel at least a kilometre before they managed to catch a decent sized hare.

Sakura watched with great interest as Ram skilfully sinned the animal, cleaning it meticulously while he told her stories about how hunting like this had become almost part of their routine when they went on long and boring missions. It was far from protocol but the freshly cocked meet that they could enjoy around the campfire was one of the small pleasures that made the kind of life they were living comfortable.

The now skinned and headless hare on a spear was almost done cooking over the fire when Toad and Goose appeared in the small clearing they had made their camp in.

Sakura kept a careful eye on Toad, the captain looking fine physically but the way he was a bit too quiet, and his head was tilted just slightly in the way he always did when he was thinking, told her that whatever they had found while doing re-con, it wasn’t good news. Ram without a doubt saw it too, and the whole team quietly settled down around the fire, eating comfortably while they allowed their captain to think.

While the other three removed their masks to eat, Sakura lifted hers at the chin, creating just enough space for her to get her hands to her mouth so that she could nibble at the legbone she had been given. For the shortest of moments, her thoughts drift to her old sensei, to the way he lived even his everyday life with his face covered by a mask. But with a cold shiver than ran down the entirety of her body, Sakura realised just how similar that description was to her own life, where no matter what she did or who she was pretending to be, she was somehow still wearing a disguise.

“We have problems.” The cold tone of Toad’s voice spoke to the seriousness of the issue.

“What kind?” Ram asked with a quick glance at Goose who sat quietly next to their captain.

“We located the target. The leader of the orphanage name him as a shinobi named Mahito, low level, but still competent. However, the issue is his little goon-squad.”

Goose nodded as she pitched in. “Just a few of them really.”

“Yeah but those twins have the ability to fuck up this mission.”

“Twins?”

“The Ito twins.”

“Motherfucker.” Ram cursed loudly.

Sakura silently agreed. As an Anbu operative, she had memorised the bingo book and the mental image in her head at the name Ito had a nasty feeling stirring in her guts. Daichi and Daisuke Ito. Twins form the village of hidden mist and born with a nasty old gekke genkai that made them some of the most naturally gifted sensor typed in the world. Not only that, but they were also both extremely skilled shinobi and could be a real issue for Team Toad to deal with.

“Okay, so what is the plan?” Ram asked, sounding a little like he wasn’t exactly expecting a real answer to what already looked like an impossible situation. Their little Anbu team was good, but it wasn’t double S class Ito-twins good.

“I can only come up with one…But it all rests on a few important details.” Toad said coldly, his face bared from emotion even with his mask on the ground next to him as he looked straight at Sakura.

Sakura frowned behind her mask, but as the silence carried on and all faces turned to her, the details started to fit together like pieces of a puzzle.

Because of the protective squad that Mahito kept around him, they would be unable to attack as a front. Somehow, they would have to carry out an infiltration that would allow them to get close enough to the target that they could perform the hit, but also get away without engaging in battle with the Ito twins and the rest of the bandits, whoever they might be. To avid attracting the attention of the twins, the kill itself would also have to be performed without chakra as even the smallest amount would be like a beacon of light to the twins.

And who better to get close to a potential pedophile or child trafficker than an actual kid, especially when a henge of any kind would be obvious to two unnaturally good sensor types.

Sakura chewed quietly as the facts all settled in her mind and all other possibilities were quickly ruled out in her little mental chess game. Then she threw the now clean bone into the fire and sat back with a heavy breath.  “Well shit. Guess you are gonna have to see my face after all.”
Goose looked from Sakura to Toad with a quick snap of her head. “Wait, are we actually doing this?” It was clear that even without anyone having spoken the plan out loud, they had all come to the same conclusion, and they all knew that this would be their only option.

Toad ran a hand over his face, suddenly looking much more tired. “No. maybe.”

“Well which one is it?” Sakura protested, not at all liking how Toad seemed conflicted. “I can do it!.”

Toad waved her off, “I know you can do it, but weather or not we do this depends on a few important factors.”

Sakura calmed a little, feeling reassured that whatever made Toad hesitate wasn’t about her skills. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Are you recognisable in any way that could track you back to Konoha?”

Sakura shook her head no. “I’m not from a clan if that’s what you mean. I guess I look a little distinctive because of a natural feature, but I don’t look like anyone, and no-one would know who I am. I’m not known in anyway.”

“We might also get in trouble for this. We will have to disclose in our report that you removed your mask and revealed your identity. The Hokage might get on our asses.”
Sakura couldn’t help but smirk and the smile on her lips was evident in her voice. “Nah, she has a sweet spot for me.”

“How so?”

Thinking that now was as good a time as any, Sakura reached up to take off her mask and released the henge on her hair at the same time. As the cold air hit her now bare face, Sakura smiled at her team as they saw her for the first time.

“I’m Haruno Sakura, and Tsunade-Sama is my Shishou.”

The following conversation was strange but also incredibly relieving. How old was she? 14. Why was she in Anbu? Why not. Where had Ram seen her before? She didn’t know, probably around town somewhere. Why didn’t she have a team and who had her Jounin sensei been?...

Sakura had hesitated at that moment. There was simply no way they wouldn’t know who Kakashi was and there was no way they wouldn’t also be familiar with him inside of the frame of Anbu.

“You can’t tell him that I’m here.” Sakura said sternly and did her best to ignore the fact that her teammates were most definitely studying her face now that they saw her facial expressions for the first time.  “-That I’m Anbu. He doesn’t know and I haven’t seen him for years at this point. I have no desire for him to know anything.”

“Well that cryptic as fuck,” Ram mumbled and Toad grunted his agreement.

“Which means that we know him.” Goose deduced quickly.

Sakura snorted, not really laughing but still finding the whole thing funny in an ironic way. Anbu had done a real number on her sense of humour.

“Yeah, you know him. Everyone knows Hatake Kakashi.”
Toad almost fell backwards off of the stub he was sitting on. “No. You’re shitting me. You are one of Hound’s genin?”

Sakura did laugh then, because never had she seen her taichou look so dumbfounded nor heard him speak so brashly.

“Were,” Sakura corrected when she had gotten her laughter under control. “I haven’t even seen him since,… I’m not sure actually.”

Goose looked rather confused. “How can he not know that you are Anbu? Your skills are pretty specific are they not?”
“Yeah but I acquired those after our team was dismantled. And I have yet to see him around HQ.”

“Yeah, Hound is barely ever in Konoha if the rumours are true. Long term solo missions are a bitch.”

Ram slowly gathered himself from his also slightly shocked and confused state. “Huh. Didn’t see this coming. But are we actually doing this? Tsunade’s connection here might actually backfire and the Hound factor isn’t making me any more reassured with the level of risk here.”
“Well I hope we are doing it. If not, I just broke a bunch of rules for nothing.”

“We are doing this.” Toad said deciding, “Nezumi-chan will enter the village with Ram. Ram, you will be posing as a rouge shinobi who is dragging a kid along with you. You don’t need a specific story because no-one will be expecting the answer to be truthful if they were to ask you. Just be aloof and say you picked her up along the way. Sakura, you will be masking your chakra as much as possible. With the way you do it, I don’t think the sensor types will be able to pick up on it other than maybe assuming the traces will be a result of a shinobi heritage. You can’t change anything about your look but you are honestly scrawny enough to get away with pretending to be a year or two younger.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Then you just need to get close to Mahito. Either just wander away from Ram or try to talk to some of the local orphans. Either way, once you make contact, you need to come back and check in before we launch the hit. For that you need to get him alone and away from the twins if possible. As soon as the hit is done, you get out.”

“Don’t I need to seal the body?”

“Only if its absolutely safe to stay and seal the body. confirmation of death is only necessary when the hit was officially ordered. This is as unofficial as an Anbu mission can get since the order originated from the Hokage and not some kind of deal or council decision.” Toad explained. “Now, because Goose and I were already in the village, we can’t go back with you and once you get into your disguises, we shouldn’t even be near you. As far as possible, we will be observing from a distance.”

The discussions continued on for a little while after that as the fire slowly died out, flames turning to embers. When everything had been settled, Sakura and Ram settled down to get some sleep while Toad kept watch and Ram went out to procure some fitting disguises.

Sakura slept lightly, already feeling ready and energised when Goose returned with a simple, worn down, but fittingly childish dress for her to wear. Dressed in the slightly grimy dress in its light colours and with her hair down and mask packed away, Sakura tried to get herself into the mental space of a much different version of herself. As much as she now hated the naïve girl she used to be, it was easy to settle back into the role of her former self. The girl she had to pretend to be now wasn’t too far form the girl she pretended to be when she was with her parents or even who she had pretended to be when she had played under the sun with all of her former classmates that day not long ago. When she and Ram, going under the name Yahito, set off towards the gambling town, Sakura had fully settled into her smiling and naïve personality of a different version of herself.

Sakura and Ram barely spoke as they walked though the woods until they reached the gravel road that led into the city. Ram made a few comments, both in case anyone was close by that they hadn’t noticed, and also for them to get used to their roles, but only referred to Sakura as Girl whenever he addressed her, establishing a certain emotional distance between their two characters.. They had decided that in order for Sakura to fit in with the orphans, there couldn’t appear to be any kind of relationship between herself and ram. If everything went to plan, anyone who saw the two of them would assume that Ram was dragging Sakura along out of either obligation or for profit in some way, but that he otherwise couldn’t care less for her. Sakura on the other hand did her best to appear younger than she was by at least a year or two. Sakura skipped along the road, singing out little riddles and picking flowers that she would then abandon to go off and explore the next thing she saw.

When they finally reached the city, the rowdy crowd that met them wasn’t much of a surprise. The evening was just settling, and bars were opening for the night. Ram sat himself down on a bench by a vendor to get a drink and told Sakura to go and leave him alone for a while, a hard dismissal that didn’t raise a single eyebrow in the people around them.

This was obviously part of their plan and Sakura’s mission had officially started.

Still humming her little songs, Sakura started to explore, seeming both careless and curious to anyone who saw her but really, she was carefully scanning her surroundings.

The first thing Sakura noticed was that she was far from the only kid roaming around alone in the streets as the lamps started to turn on around her. Several kids dressed in ragged clothes ran around in small groups, playing games or perhaps running errands. Not all of them could be orphans but it made it clear that despite the amount of money that circulated in the gambling town, the population was really quite poor.

It took Sakura about two hours before she had wandered the majority of the city and started making her way back towards the spot where she had left Ram.

“Ah, kid. Your back already.” Ram said with a slur in his voice that made him sound a lot more drunk than he really was. While he had no doubt had a few drinks to keep up appearances, Ram was a big man and it would take a lot for him to really get drunk, something that came in handy at times like this.

Ram also wasn’t alone at his table anymore. Two men sat with him, one of them clearly a shinobi while the other looked to be a civilian, perhaps a farmer.

“Who is the kid?” Asked the shinobi, a skinny man dressed in a blue robe but with no identifying marks as to where he came from originally.

“No one,” Ram answered with a wave of his hand. “She won’t be following me around much longer.”

Sakura sat down on the edge of the bench, kicking her legs absentmindedly while she picked at the hem of her dress.

“Are you delivering her somewhere?” The shinobi asked and Sakura had to school her expression to not react to the hint of interest in his voice. It could have been a harmless comment, an attempt to keep conversation going, but there was something about the way he had said it that spoke of something more.

Ram took another deep swig of his drink, finishing it off. “Somethin’ like that. Ain’t worth the effort, that’s for sure.”

“Huh. Kids can get good work on this place of you are staying here for a few days.”

Bingo, Sakura thought. That had to be something.

“You don’t say,” Ram said as he leaned back and stretched with an uninterested attitude. He couldn’t seem too interested as that would be suspicious and Sakura had to admit that she was impressed by his acting skills.

The shinobi nodded and the civilian chimed in, “Might be more worth your troubles.”

“I don’t doubt it. But for now it’s time for me to hit the hay.” Ram stood up with a groan and look at Sakura with what could have been poorly hidden annoyance. “Come on kid, don’t fall behind.”

Sakura jumped down form her seat and followed Ram without looking back at his two drinking companions. She stayed quiet as Ram took them to an inn where he got a room for them.

“Ah, I’m so tired,” Sakura said with a childish pout to which Ram only grunted in response. Then she went to the small bathroom and readied herself for bed. Back in the room, Ram had taken off his outer layers and was sitting on his bed. His face alone told Sakura that he had dropped his persona and with a nod of his head he told Sakura to get on her bed. Then the silent conversation began.

With the Anbu sign-language, the two of them shared notes.

Observations?   Ram signed. What had Sakura seen, had she discovered anything?

Scouting complete. Map complete.

Anything suspicious?

Sakura shook her head in negative before she signed. No. only ninja 1.

Ram understood her reference to his drinking buddy. Confirmed.

How to proceed? Sakura asked.

Ram hesitated for a moment, thinking. Tomorrow you draw map, then contact children. I take ninja one. Now we both sleep, avoid suspicion.

Sakura nodded and signed that she understood the order. While it was highly unlikely that anyone was watching them and that technically It would be safer for them to sleep on shifts, the small chance that anyone was monitoring their room meant that it would be too suspicions of they slept in shift, something only shinobi did. While Ram was posing as a deserter, Sakura was supposed to be an ordinary child with little to worry about, least of all an attack in the middle of the night.

The next day started of slowly. Sakura and Ram slept in like the rest of the town did, and then after a quick breakfast, Sakura went off on her own again. Now that it was light out and the civilian population was going about their usual business and only a few drunken people were wandering the streets, it was easier for Sakura to get in contact with the children that played in the streets.

It didn’t take her long at all before she was engaged in a game of red light – green light with a mixed group of children, different ages and some of them clearly from the orphanage while others seemed to be form more stable homes judging by their appearance. Sakura had proudly declared that she was 12 years old, her skinny frame and slightly short stature helping her pass, and had had no issues getting invited into the fun.

While gathering information from kids was notoriously difficult because they, a lot of the time, wasn’t aware of the information they possessed, being a kid made it a lot easier because they weren’t weary of Sakura like they would have been with an adult. Still, it took hours before something caught Sakura’s attention.

In the middle of a round of hop-scotch, two new kids joined the little group, one of them wearing rags but clutching a large bag of candies that he enjoyed in the shade of the nearest building while readily handing out single pieces of sweets to his friends who all asked nicely.

When the girl Sakura had been playing with made her way over to the boy, Sakura followed as if she was simple staying on the heels of her new friend.

“Can I have a piece, Hariku-kun?” The girl, Mina, asked sweetly with a hand reached out.

“Sure, here you go,” The boy answered and handed over his candy, like he didn’t even care how much he was giving away and how much he was keeping for himself.

“Thanks Hariku-kun!”

Hariku looked up at Sakura. “Do you want a piece too?”

“Can I?”

“Yeah, I have plenty.”

Sakura sat down next to the boy and accepted the cherry candy he handed her. “Oh, nice. Where did you get it?”

“I bought it,” Hariku answered passively.

“Wow. I don’t have any money because Yahito-san won’t give me any. And he doesn’t even like sweets so he never buys any.”

“Is he your dad?”

“No, just some random man. He is taking me somewhere but I don’t really know.”

“Why don’t you just leave then?”

“How can I do that? I don’t have any money.”

“Get a job.”

Sakura turned her head, faking the shocked look on her face. “I can’t get a job! I’m only 12.”

“And? I’m 13 and I have a job.”

Sakura leaned closer. “Oh. Where do you work? On a farm?”

“No.” Hariku fidgeted with his bag. “I work here in the city and sometimes in the next time over.”

“Oh that’s so cool! What do you do?”

Hariku straightened his back and shoulders looking all proud. “I’m a delivery boy.”

“Like newspapers and stuff?” Sakura asked with her head tilted In question.

Hariku shook his head and popped another piece of candy into his mouth. “I’m not supposed to say.”

Bingo again. Hariku both had money and a secret. This had to be it, Sakura though.  

“Why? That’s weird.”

“Yeah. I mostly just deliver little packages.” Sakura leaned close with curiosity that wasn’t fake at all but her disgust of the situation carefully hidden behind a metaphorical brick wall. She knew that she was on the right track here but children were like little living lie detectors. One wrong move, one flinch, and Hariku would sense the disgust Sakura was feeling below her polished expression. “Very small. I have to hide them in my shoes and stuff and then run from place to place to deliver them and bring the money back.”
Jackpot. She had found the motive. These kids were almost certainly delivering drugs.

“That sounds easy,” Sakura said with a smile, her voice high and squeaky.

Hariku shrugged. “Some of the people are weird but all grown ups in this town are weird. Everyone is drunk all the time.” He spoke like this was no big deal and it made a cold sensation run down the back of Sakura’s neck. How bad of a town did a kid have to grow up in to think that drug dealers weren’t that bad. “The other kids don’t like them much. They think it’s weird but I don’t care. It’s money and that is the only thing that matters in this world. If I have enough money I can even leave one day.”

Sakura sat back and looked up at the sky. “Wow. You must make a lot of money then.”

“A fair bit. A lot more than the boys who work for the butcher and the rice farm.”
Sakura hesitated, not sure how best to keep going but for all this kid was a street rat, he didn’t seem suspicious of her, and she decided to just be direct. “Could I get a job there?”

“why?”

“I also want to have money.”

Hariku hummed, thinking for a bit before he answered. “I think. I can ask. They always have more work to be done.”

“That would be amazing! Thank you!”

“Sure. It’s no big deal. Come back here tomorrow and I will let you know.”

Sakura accepted another piece of candy and then rejoined the games, but it was difficult for her to focus, and as soon as the evening came, she left to rejoin Ram at the inn.

Breakthrough, Sakura signed as soon as she had entered, finding Ram lying on his bed with the map she had drawn up that same morning. There were several new markings on it, little notes that Ram had added with his own findings.

Report, Ram signed back instantly sitting up and at full attention.

Drugs. Kids deliver.

Did you make contact?

I have a way in. Meetup tomorrow.

Then the real planning began. Sakura would let Hariku guide her to the people he worked for. With some luck, it would be Mahito himself. Briefly, Sakura and Ram discussed the fact that perhaps the orphans who had gone missing had run away, just like Hariku himself planned on doing, but it was unlikely. Hariku had had enough money for sweets, some of the orphans had had new clothes or toys before they went missing. Not enough money to run away or buy a fare to another town, let alone start a life somewhere new. Another issue was with Goose and Toad. Ram had gotten a message from them while Sakura was away. Their two teammates had continued their careful surveillance of the town, but they couldn’t get close enough to get anything useful without alerting the Ito twins. This also meant that if Ram and Sakura found them selves in need of assistance, it would be at least five whole minutes before Toad and Goose could get to them.

The first part of the plan went without a hitch. Sakura met up with Hariku in the alley they had played in the day before, smiling widely and waving as soon as she saw him coming down the street. Hariku came with good news, and barely 10 minutes later, Sakura was following him down a narrow alley in the south end of the town where nothing but bars, all closed for they daytime, lay side by side.

“Down here,” Hariku motioned towards a staircase leading to a basement of a building that looked to be abandoned. Sakura followed silently, fighting to keep her hands still and ignoring the urge to flex them and to reach up to the small hairpin she had done her hair up with. Up until that morning it had been a perfectly normal hairpin, simple and cheap. But it was made from metal which Sakura had sharpened just enough that she could use it as a weapon if she needed it. It was a contingency Ram had insisted on. Sakura, theoretically, had other more efficient way to kill than a barely sharp decorative hairpin, but it was only theoretical. With her vast medical knowledge, Sakura knew of a thousand ways to kill a person with her bare hands, to turn healing into killing. She had just never used that knowledge before.

By the bottom of the staircase Hariku knocked on the door, the hits landing in an irregular pattern which was clearly a code. Only a second later the door cracked open.

“Hariku. Its too early for work.”

“I’m here with the girl I told Mahito-sama about.”

“Ah, fresh meat.” The door opened wider, and Sakura was happy that it was entirely okay for her to look a little frightened with her fake persona because she found herself face to face with Daichi Ito.

Daichi looked her over, eyes going over ever inch of her in a way that made Sakura feel terribly uncomfortable, lingering in places that made Sakura want to reach for her hairpin and relieve Daichi of his ability to see.

“come on in,”

“Wait here, pretty lady.” Daichi said as soon as he had closed the door behind her and Hariku, and shifted his attention to the boy. “Since you are here you can run this delivery for us.”

Sakura was both happy and a little worried to see Haruki go. It didn’t promise anything good for Sakura, the innocent little girl who simply wanted a job. But for Mouse, the Anbu operative, getting Haruki out of the line of fire was one of her few priorities. It was also a certain sign that Sakura was about to either get more intel or even a chance to perform the hit itself. Trying her hardest to only look the kind of nervous which would be expected of her persona, Sakura looked around the room, saving even the smallest detail in her mind. The walls were made of wood, and seeing as the basement was only halfway underground and the walls were thin, Ram, who was sitting at an inn a hundred meters down the street, would be able to hear her if she shouted for assistance. The basement itself was small and damp, a few tables and chairs were siting around but no other people were there. Haruki himself didn’t seem to worried about leaving Sakura behind in the basement and silently accepted a small package, no bigger than a thumb, and stuffed it into the back of his sock before he left without a word.

“So, what its your name?”

Sakura looked up at the shinobi in front of her. Standing like this Daichi Ito didn’t look very scary, but just thinking about his abilities made Sakura want to run away. “Sakura.”

“Well, Sakura. Wanna make a little money, huh?”

Sakura did her best to smile convincingly. “Yes please! The man I live with won’t give me any.”

Daichi bent his knees, squatting down to be face to face with Sakura.“Is he your dad?”

“No.” Sakura said, almost too quickly. Instinctively she checked that her chakra was still completely hidden. “Just some man.”

“Aha. Well that’s good,” Daichi said, seeming a little too pleased with Sakura’s answer, his smile more a grin, really, making him look more like a beast than a man. “The boss can see you now.”

From the first look at the basement, Sakura had already deduced that the little operation was both a small and a fairly newly established drug ring. Still, she hadn’t expected to see the boss so soon.

Nervously she followed Daichi to the back of the room where a single door lead further into the building, stepping inside when he held the door open for her.

The room she stepped into was dimply lit, a single lamp hanging in the middle of the room. Several crates were stacked along the walls, and behind a desk at the end wall, sat a single man.

“Come,” said the man. “Sit.”

Sakura walked to the desk, giving a small jump to sit in the chair that was high enough that when she sat back, her feet were dangling off the floor.

“You are Haruki’s friend?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You can call me Mahito-Sama.”

Target located, Sakura thought to herself. He looked so ordinary.

“Do you know what we do here?”

“Deliver things?” Sakura half answered, half asked.

“That we do,” Mahito said with a smile, almost looking friendly. “We deliver little packages and we offer kids like you jobs because it’s a win win for all of us.”

“oh. That sounds good.”

“It is.” Mahito said. “and you would like a job here?”

Sakura smiled widely and nodded. For all she was uncomfortable she had to look excited at the prospect of making money, not nervous about taking a life. “Yes, Mahito-sama!”

“Good, that’s good. You know, a pretty girl like you could get a lot of good work.”

Sakura’s brain stopped dead in its tracks. Had she been wrong about the drug ring being small? “Really?”

Mahito sat back in his chair, and there was a change in the way he looked at her, his smile no longer looking so friendly. “Oh no doubt. If you do well, I can even give you some recommendations. Although, some of that work might be a bit more…. Physical.”

Sakura wanted to vomit. That or kill him.

“That’s okay!,” she said instead, excited. “I’m strong!” she would get the chance to kill him soon enough.

“Oh I don’t doubt it.” Mahito snickered, his eyes all scrunched from the way he was grinning.  “But for now, lets get Daichi, my assistant, back and he can get you started, tell you the rules and where you will be delivering to.”

Sakura tilted her head in question, perhaps an overly honest expression. “Oh, is he gone?” she asked. With her own chakra entirely dimmed, she couldn’t feel if anyone was in the next room.

“We get a new delivery here this morning. But don’t worry, he will be back soon. And I don’t mind you waiting here with me.”

Sakura smiled. “Perfect.”

Sakura was on top of the table faster than Mahito was able to register even without using any of her chakra. One of her hands shot out just as fast, her flat palm landing in an exceptionally heavy hit against his sternum while her other hand reached for her hair pin, pulling it out and then planting it with medical accuracy right through Mahito’s windpipe. The hit of her palm had served its purpose in pushing all the air form Mahito’s lungs, leaving him unable to make a sound as he now struggled to breathe and bled internally right into his throat, the thick, warm liquid quickly filling his lungs and drowning him silently. As efficient as it was, Sakura didn’t have time to wait for him to suffocate, and with another accurate jump, she landed with her feet on the armrests of Mahito’s chair before she wrapped one arm around his head and gripping his jaw with the other. It only took a quick twist, an empowered yank, for Mahito’s neck to snap.

As soon as Sakura had twisted her grip, she didn’t stop moving. She didn’t stop to watch how the now dead body slumped to the ground, now nothing more than a pile of limbs. Before the body had even stopped falling, Sakura was already by the door, inching it open to look outside only to find the room empty like she had hoped to.

Walking slowly down the street was perhaps the hardest thing she had ever done. Her whole body was thumping with adrenalin, urging her to run, to get away before one of the twins could show up and see what she had done. But she had to move slowly. She had to make it to Ram or at least to a point where he could see her, and then she had to make it out of range of the twins before she could let her chakra flow freely. One of the big downsides of entirely snuffing out her chakra like she was doing, was that she became much less sensitive to other people’s chakra as well, and with each step she took down the gravel street, Sakura kept imagining that someone was walking up right behind her.

But the attack her body was waiting for never came. As Sakura reached the end of the street, Ram joined her in a lazy walk and Sakura reached up to scratch her chin three times. Success.

When they reached the meetup point where Goose and Toad waited, the same place they had departed form only days prior, the trees around them were the only thing that truly felt unchanged.

Chapter Text

“Get up!”

Sakura fought to get to her knees. Her whole body was in pain and her arms trembled as she tried to hold herself up off the ground.

“I said GET UP!”

Sakura didn’t have time to dodge the kick aimed straight at her stomach and before she knew it, she was flying across the field accompanied by the sick sound of her ribs cracking.

In what seemed like the next second, but was probably longer judged by the way Sakura couldn’t breathe right and the black spots swimming around in her vision, Tsunade squatted down next to her, a green glowing hand resting over Sakura’s stomach.

“Well, I guess that’s it for today but I want you back here tomorrow morning for another session.”

“Why-” Sakura coughed violently and feared for a moment that she would crack another rib as she tried to sit up despite the fact that everything hurt, even with Tsunade’s healing chakra flowing over her body, “why the sudden intensity?”

Tsunade rolled her eyes so far back that Sakura half feared they might stick. “Because, you little shit, you went ahead and performed a textbook assassination at 14 years old. It’s only a matter of time before the commander moves you up the ranks.”

Feeling slightly more like a whole human being due to Tsunade’s healing, Sakura propped herself up on her elbows, her brows furrowed in question as she looked at Tsunade. “But I’m already in Anbu. Isn’t Anbu just Anbu?”

Tsunade shook her head and Sakura was almost surprised to see a slightly worried look in the face of her Shishou “No. Anbu is for the best and I have no doubt in my mind that you belong with them, for now at least. But the best of the best end up on other teams than Demolition.”

Sakura stretched her body, feeling a few bones ache as she did so. “I thought you wanted me in Demo,” she asked, genuinely a little confused. Despite any apprehension from before, Tsunade had as of lately seemed genuinely proud of Sakura and all of the strides she had taken in bettering her abilities.

“No. you wanted Anbu, I want you to be the best you can possibly be.”

“So no more medic training.” The way she asked was teasing. Sakura really didn’t hate medic training, especially not when it was with Tsunade who had streamlined their session into focusing on how Sakura could use iryo-ninjutsu in the field.

Tsunade stood, her hands on her hip and a smirk on her face. “Oh kid, you are never gonna get out of the medic training, but I have other tricks to teach you.”

“And the kid was supposed to report back before performing the hit, right, but then she just strolled out and confirmed the kill like it was nothing!”

Ram’s loud boasting could be heard all the way down the hall and Sakura shook her head over the loud laughter that came from her team and the other operatives around them.

It had been a whole two weeks since they had made it back from the hit missions, and still her whole team were retelling the story over and over again. Sakura didn’t really understand why.

When they had made it home that night, Sakura had crawled into bed and expected that she would crumble, that the fact that she had taken a life would ruin her. But the guilt never came. Even when she had tried to force it, when had she tried to think if maybe Mahito had had a family, friends even, who would miss him, her brain hadn’t let the guilt settle. Every time, the rational part of her had won out. He had been a drug dealer. He had been a child trafficker.

So the guilt never hit and perhaps that was the real reason why her team had been so impressed by her. Now they still sang her praises everywhere they went, even if it was disguised as a funny story of Sakura bending the rules.

The fact that Sakura had bent the rules did however make her a lot more popular within the ranks of Anbu. Where people had ignored her before, feeling uneasy around her and her hidden identity, they didn't. Now that they knew that someone knew who she was and trusted her, they no longer felt that they needed to avoid her. And Sakura’s own team had all been sworn to secrecy the second they had landed in Konoha, but even then, Sakura liked to know that she wasn’t entirely a ghost anymore. Before, only Genma and Yugao had known within the ranks, but since she didn’t work with them it was still different. The fact that her team knew her secret, that she was now somehow a whole person had made being Anbu even better than it had already been. So she would listen to their stories, deal with the gently, or not so gently, teasing and simply smile. It wasn’t so bad at all.

“And she did all of this while breaking the mask mandate?”

“You bet she did!”

The operative who Sakura didn’t really know but had seen around HQ laughed loudly. “A little rule breaker like that, they won’t let you guys keep her for long. I hear Crane is looking for a new team member.”

“We won't let them take our little Nezumi-chan.” Ram said as he went to grab Sakura but Sakura pushed him off playfully.

“And if I’m not asking nicely when I snatch her up?” a man suddenly said just as an arm landed heavily around Sakura’s shoulder, weighing her down enough that she grunted under the sudden weight.

“Genma..” Sakura looked up at her friend with a tried expression behind her mask.

The signature smirk, senbon and all, on Genma’s face didn’t move an inch. “Ne-zu-mi,” he teased playfully.

Sakura ignored him with a shake of her head and looked up to see Yugao also joining their little hallway meeting which was no longer so little. Yugao as always looked incredibly stunning in her uniform but the usually light grey armour she wore was smeared in red.  “Senpai, why are you covered in blood.”

Yugao looked confused as a second as she looked down at herself, almost as if she had completely forgotten that she had most certainly just come back from taking someone’s life. “Eh? Oh. We just got back. Gotta debrief before we hit the showers but then we heard loud voices praising our favourite little mouse and decided to join in.”

Sakura shook her head with a little laugh, but the warm feeling she was filled with suddenly became ice when a new voice broke the sound of laughter.

“Cat do you have-…. Genma what are you doing?”

Sakura froze, her voice dying in her throat, and she was glad for her mask because she was sure her face showed nothing but fear. She knew that voice.

Yugao turned to face the tall man who walked closer, and while the move looked natural, it hid Sakura from Hatake Kakashi’s sight. “Oh, nothing,” Yugao said as casually as ever. “just saying hi to a friend.”

“We should get going,” Genma said cheerfully to Sakura, as if nothing was wrong and Sakura wasn’t currently wishing that she could suddenly master earth release and make herself melt into the stone floor under her feet. 

But Kakashi didn’t listen and as he walked closer Yugao had to step away to make space, giving Kakashi, or Hound as he was right now, a clear view of Sakura and how Genma was still holding her close.

“You are new.” It wasn’t a question. Kakashi knew it and his statement was almost a challenge. Sakura really shouldn’t have been surprised that he of all people would be one of the operatives who would get suspicious around a covered face. Even if it was a bit hypocritical. 

Sakura nodded. She didn’t dare speak and it wasn’t even because she was afraid that Kakashi would recognise her slightly altered voice. She was scared that if she spoke she would sound afraid.

“Actually not that new anymore. Oh and also, Nezumi here is under mask mandate and a bunch of stuff, be we can both vouch for her,” Genma laid a heavy hand on Sakura’s shoulder and his voice was somewhere between apologetic and teasing.

Kakashi just stared at her and with each moment that passed, Sakura felt more and more uneasy. She wanted to run away but every fibre of her being told her that if she even tried, she would be dead before she could take three steps.

“Taichou. She is good.”

Kakashi seemed to break out of whatever thought he had been in when Yugao spoke and shrugged like he hadn’t just stared Sakura down. “I get it. No snooping.”

Toad laughed and everyone could hear the strained relief in his laugh. “Great. Also, we were just about to go to the archives. Gotta get Nezumi-chan some books on genjutsu.”

Yugao turned and look at Sakura with a genuinely surprised smile “Finally digging into that? About time kid!”

Sakura shrugged. It was about time but with everything new going on with getting into Anbu and settling as part of her team, she hadn’t even thought of using the Anbu archives as a source of knowledge before Toad had mentioned it to her. She was excited to finally dig into something new, to challenge her mind with new knowledge. And not only that, but she was starting to understand that Anbu really was about always getting better because that was simply what it would take to stay alive.

“There is nothing good on genjutsu in the archives.” Kakashi spoke up and while he certainly looked more relaxed than he had only moments before, he still looked so different from the lazy laid-back teacher Sakura had known him as. He stood tall with his arms crossed and it was like he was an entirely different man compared to his usual slouch. There was a moment where Kakashi looked between Genma and Yugao, catching their eyes in what looked like a silent conversation to Sakura. “A friend, you said?”

Genma hugged Sakura closer to his side and he sounded entirely too fond and caring when he answered. “Yes, Taichou.”

Kakashi sighed and then his eyes were back at Sakura, looking straight into her eyes like he could see behind the mask. “I’ll leave you a few books in your squad room.”

Sakura and her team didn’t move for a full minute and no one responded as team Ro moved past them and disappeared down the hallway. Sakura stood frozen on the spot and the others watched her carefully.

Sakura blinked, then, “I think I might throw up.”

“I think I might throw up” Ram said and the honesty in his tone made Sakura cringe because they were well within enemy territory and throwing up in your mask was always an unpleasant experience.

Now at 17 years old, Sakura had seen almost everything Anbu had to offer but every once in a while, something was sure to churn your stomach so far beyond your control that there was no helping it.

And in this case, Sakura couldn’t really blame Ram. The scene in front of them was horrible.

It hadn’t really been an Anbu mission, but the village was short staffed due to the ongoing chunin exams. Sakura and Ram had been sent as a duo to “close down” an animal fighting ring which had started attracting criminals to the area, meaning that the criminals had to travel through a small village on the boarder of Fire country to get there. The criminals were causing too many issues for the civilians already, and the problem would only grow if not dealt with. Killing the five men who had been at the run-down building had been easy - Sakura had caught them all in a momentary genjutsu that stunned them all long enough for Ram to take them out. It had been a few years now since she had started working with genjutsu and there was rarely ever a fight now that she didn’t use it. Sakura before genjutsu had been good. Sakura with genjutsu was nothing short of deadly. It felt weird to know that she had Kakashi to thank for it, that he had unknowingly made up for his lack of attention during her early years by teaching her something which had become so valuable to her. 

So the fight had been easy, but it was finding the dead animals which had Ram gagging as he stumbled out of the room to reach fresh air. Why the thugs had put the dead animals into a closed room to decompose instead of burying them in the ground was a mystery.

“Should we burn it?” Sakura asked.

“Yeah, probably,” Ram responded when he had his gagging under control. “I’m gonna seal away the last bodies and then let’s just torch the whole thing. How are your chakra levels?”

Sakura didn’t even spare a second to feel her levels. “Fine. Barely used any.”

Ram huffed a short laugh, something both he and Goose had always done whenever they were impressed with something. “Do an earth wall around the building to prevent the fire from spreading too far. When the fire dies down, we can move some earth around to make it look more natural.”

Sakura fought a laugh as Ram hurried out of the room as soon as he had spoken – a draft had run through the building and the horrible smell of rot hit them like a wall. Sakura felt a little bad, but only a little. She had worked with Ram and the rest of team Toad for years now and the amount of teasing Ram had put her through over the time they had worked together was enough for Sakura to justify her lack of empathy with her teammate. Personally, the smell wasn’t bothering her much. Medical ninjutsu had become her biggest strength both in battle and out of it, and even now she was using her perfect control and anatomical knowledge to dull her senses. She couldn’t take her sense of smell away completely, it would be invasive and possibly damaging to her system, and other than that, it was simply not safe to tamper with her senses too much during a mission, but small changes were fine and not having to smell the decomposing animals was a blessing that Sakura would have to personally thank Tsunade for.

With the weight of sorrow in her heart for the many dead animals in the room that she never felt for the humans she killed, Sakura pulled a couple of explosive tags from her pack which she placed on the floor before she left the building.

As soon as she was out and Ram joined her, she kneeled to raise the earth wall before setting off the tags.

Sakura could still feel the heat on her skin from the fire when she and Ram got back to Anbu HQ. It had taken much longer than she had anticipated to burn down the whole building.

“I can’t believe I’m using my 20 hours off to be social instead of just sleeping,” Sakura groaned as she sat down on the couch in their squad room. She was tired from running back-to-back missions and she wanted nothing more than to just get out of her uniform and collapse into bed.

Ram looked up from the scroll he was writing on for their mission report, having fallen victim to Sakura’s puppy eyes and taken on the task. “What, you got plans? Shit, I’m gonna be sleeping as much as possible before we have to leave for Suna.”

Sakura rubbed her face, her mask lying on the couch next to her. It had taken her a long time to be comfortable enough to take her mask off inside their own room, but it was so liberating to remove the ever-cold porcelain after a long mission. “Yeah, Genma and Yugao just got back from a two-week-long mission right as we left and they are blackmailing me into getting drinks.”

“Ah. Fair warning though, they are probably going to cancel on you.”

Sakura sat up, confused. “Huh?”

“Yeah, they both worked with Hound, right?” Ram asked even as his eyes were back on their report. “He just got back with his team from a year-long post.”

Sakura’s eyes widened in surprise. “A year!?”

“Aha. I have no idea what they were doing but two weeks ago it was a year since they left.”

Sakura sat down and was surprised to find that she almost felt winded. “Huh. No wonder I haven’t seen him around.”

“HA!” Ram laughed out loud like a bark.  “As if you would have done anything differently if he had been here. I’m convinced that you will be ignoring him till the end of time, Nezumi-chan.”

“I’m not,” Sakura pouted.

“If you say so. Did you ever thank him for getting you those books on genjutsu?”

Again, Sakura felt winded, but it wasn’t even like she hadn’t thought about this a million times before. “No.”

“As I said.”

“If he wasn’t so reclusive I would have said something.”

Ram looked up but his expression wasn’t teasing, it was kind and understanding. For all the shit he was giving Sakura, she knew that he understood the complicated relationship she had with Hatake Kakashi “I’m almost inclined to believe you. Those books really helped you a lot.”

And wasn’t that the truth. The books Kakashi had left for her in her team room had been much better than any scroll she had found in the Anbu archives, and every trick Sakura could do with genjutsu now was thanks to them. It had taken her months to read through the texts, something she had thought she could have done in a few weeks, and on almost every single page there had been small notes, little details or remarks of when a technique would be particularly useful. It was clear that the books had been used by several people, but one set of handwriting was especially prominent and Sakura hated that she knew it belonged to Kakashi. The techniques she could do with genjutsu now were still simple but in a dangerously effective way. Sakura had thought that the books she had been given had been specifically chosen because they were simple but with Sakura’s low chakra levels, these were the perfect techniques for her. Even if they were simple, Sakura’s control was near perfect and that made them deadly. Sakura could weave together small illusions and make them so realistic that they were impossible to see and if she could get close enough, she could even mix in a bit of medic ninjutsu, adding physical sensations to the mix. It was terrifyingly effective.

Still, Sakura was itching to know more, to get so good that she could maybe one day develop a technique of her own.

With a hand gesture, Sakura waved the topic off and attached her mask to her face before she got up and bid Ram goodbye before she headed out, desperate for a shower before she had to go out into society.

Ram had been correct and a very apologetic Yugao had caught Sakura just outside of her apartment and explained the situation. Kakashi had come back after a whole year away from Konoha and she had to meet up with him and celebrate that he was back safe.  Sakura had brushed the woman off easily, making it clear that she understood perfectly and that she had already heard the rumours. Yugao had kissed Sakura on the forehead before hurrying off, but not before promising a do-over as soon as possible.

Now all out of plans Sakura got into the shower and very much looked forward to a lazy night at home, but barely had she gotten out of the shower before her own anbu team was at her doorstep ready to drag her out for drinks anyways.

As tired as she had been, Sakura had to admit that being out was nice, and her comrades hadn’t even raised an eye as she put on a henge to mask her appearance before they entered a small bar which was always full of other anbu operatives. With her brown hair and dull eyes, Sakura looked entirely forgettable, but she was sure that the other operatives knew that she was mouse and knew that she was in disguise. However, because she was with her team, no one said anything if they noticed the chakra that covered her. As the hours passed, it wasn’t long before the bar was almost deserted and it was only her and Ram at the table.

For all they had just spent days together on the road, Sakura couldn’t help but notice that Ram was acting differently.

“What’s up,” Sakura asked as she set her empty cup down.

“What?” Ram asked even if her question had visibly startled him from his thoughts.

“You are thinking about something and you are all fidgety,” she pointed out and gestured to the ripped-up napkin in Ram’s hands.

“Oh,” he said quietly. Then he looked around the room before he looked back at her. “I put in my application for team captain today.”

“What!”

“Mhm.” There was a feint smile on Ram’s lips but he also looked nervous.

Sakura understood. Being a captain was a big step and there were a lot of implications with applying for the role. Not only did being a captain pay significantly better than simply being an operative, but it also meant that Ram would be assigned a different team.

“Have you been thinking about it for long?” Sakura asked carefully.

Ram shrugged. “kind of. I’m not getting any younger, I’m almost 27 and I have been in Anbu for 7 years now. I love Demo but I want to challenge myself and try something different. It would still be anbu but there would be other challenges and more responsibility.”

“Hey, you are not that old, don’t make it sound like you are about to retire,” Sakura protested with a smile.

“You know as well as I that there aren’t any full time Anbu over the age of 35 right now.”

“True, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do that.” “But I get it, you want to challenge yourself.”

“Exactly,” Ram said with a sigh and a smile, like he really knew that she understood the urge to be challenged. She did. “This is my second application,”

“Really?” Sakura asked, honestly surprised by that fact. She had no idea that Ram had already tried for the promotion once before.

Ram filled his glass once more as he nodded, then drank before he spoke. “Yeah. My first one didn’t go through.”

“How come?”

Ram winced, from the drink or the comment. “It’s complicated.”

Sakura leaned closer and laid her hand over his. “Come on, you can tell me.”

Ram turned his hand over and took hers tightly in his. “Toad refused to sign off on it.”

Sakura was shocked as the information was processed slowly. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“why?”

Ram shrugged again and Sakura could see the emotions he was trying to hide. “He didn’t think I was ready.”

That was a lot, and Sakura was sure that it had been quite the blow. She couldn’t even imagine. Instead of digging into the hurtful past, Sakura gave Ram’s hand a squeeze and smiled. “Do you think you are now?”

Ram smiled, even if it was small, but a bit of his confidence seemed to come back as he spoke.  “Yes. My first application was actually just before you joined and maybe he was right, I wasn’t ready. But I really think I am now.”

“Did he sign off this time?”

Ram shook his head but he still smiled, looking hopeful and it made Sakura feel warm. “Not yet. The application has to go through the commander first and then he will ask my current captain. It’s actually quite a long process.”

As Sakura walked home, the thought of Ram leaving the team didn’t leave her for a single second. For the past few years, Sakura had started to feel like she and her team were family. They had been there with her through many of her formative years and they had taught her countless things, all from how to kill to the secret art of dating. Her demo team had become a safe space that she felt home in and never had she been with them and not felt safe. The thought of Ram leaving the team was strange but there was a warm feeling there too. The last time Sakura had lost a teammate it had been painful and final in a way she still couldn’t quite process. Naruto and Sasuke had left a strange hole in her heart and whenever she thought of them it hurt. Sasuke the traitor, Naruto the lonely boy who left her. But now, thinking of Ram leaving the team, there was no hurt, no sadness. Instead, Sakura felt proud. Ram was an amazing operative and watching him take the next step in his career would be huge. Even if he left the team, Sakura was sure he would still be a part of her life.

Chapter Text

Each time Sakura had a prolonged time in the village without missions, she was always surprised by how much she felt at home. One of her early worries when she started spending all of her time in Anbu was that Konoha would end up feeling foreign. She had been scared that working in the shadows would mean that she would end up living in them too, but each time she had more than a few days off, she always found that this wasn’t the case and that she had a natural place in the village. Perhaps it was because her cover was so good no one ever asked questions as to what she was doing when she was nowhere to be found for weeks at a time, meaning that she didn’t have to lie whenever she was with her friends. Being the Hokage’s apprentice meant that most people knew better than to ask questions, and if they did, Sakura had plenty of truths to tell them.  Because as much time as she spent in Anbu, Sakura really was still the Hokage’s apprentice. Besides just training, Tsunade would teach Sakura about the politics of Konoha and of running a hospital and even sent Sakura out on solo missions to gather herbs used in healing. And even when she didn’t have a good answer for why someone hadn’t been able to find her either at the Hokage tower or the Hospital, it was easy to simply shrug and say that she couldn’t really say. It was easy to fake confidentiality when you worked with the Hokage and technically, what she had been doing was confidential, it just wasn’t Hokage business like everyone thought.

As it turned out, one of Sakura’s biggest problems when she had mandatory time off, was that she was most definitely addicted to work. Young as she might be, Sakura had officially entered the workforce at 12 years old and compared to the civilian kids she knew, who were around her age, their life was only just beginning now that they had finished school and were finding jobs. Sakura on the other hand was used to getting up each day knowing what the day would hold and what would be required of her within the next 24 hours. There was a very particular control in having a schedule and Sakura had thrived off of it. Having several days off in a row therefore tended to set her on edge, a disturbing restless feeling filling her. Sakura would always do her best to fill her time, volunteering at the Hospital or the civilian clinic, meeting up with friends for lunch or training, or simply, like she was on that day, walking around the town market until she found something to do.

When Sakura walked down the street of Konoha, bathed in sunlight and a warm breeze was playing with her hair, she knew that she was where she belonged. Still, she was a little spooked when her name was called out from somewhere further down the street.

“Sakura, hey, over here!”

Yamanaka Ino emerged from the busy street, a wide smile on her face as she got nearer.

Sakura smiled brightly and waved at her friend. “Ino, hi.”
Ino smiled right back as she ran closer, stopping a few steps away before delivering a playful but painful hit to Sakura’s shoulder. “Damn forehead, it’s been so long!”

Sakura laughed. It really had been a while since she had seen Ino or the rest of her team, let alone the rest of the rookies. She always tried her best to make it to the weekly or monthly meetups or to at least see Ino and Tenten when she was in the village, but they were almost as busy as she was and more often than not, their plans failed.

“I could say the same to you pig, how were the exams?”

“Oh, they went brilliantly, Chouji passed with flying colours and Shika didn’t have a nervous breakdown from all the stress of planning the event.”

Sakura laughed, instantly imagining the tired look on Shikamaru’s face with all of the responsibility he had held as one of the organisers of this years chunin exams. “So a success all around?”

“Definitely!,” Ino said with a smile so wide that it was almost a little Gai-like. “The only rookie genin is officially Naruto.”

“Hinata too? Wow, I need to find her and congratulate her.”

“Yeah, she is really happy. It was such a shame when she and Chouji couldn’t attend last year but they both did really well.”

“So where are you heading?”

Ino took Sakura’s hand and started walking back to where she had come from, pulling Sakura along with her. “Well it's, ‘we’ unless you have plans. We are having dinner to celebrate the exams having passed by flawlessly and you are going to come along.”
Sakura stumbled slightly as she went along without protest. “I don’t have plans, but who are ‘we’?”

Ino turned to look back at her. “Just me, Shika, and our dads.”
Sakura’s eyes widened a little. “And you want me to tag along? Won't it be a little weird?” It sounded like a slightly intimate affair, especially considering the long-standing history between the Yamanaka and the Nara family. Ino and Shikamaru were practically family.

“What are you even talking about, everyone is going to be happy to see you. Mom even asked about you the other day. You are going to have to stop by for dinner soon before she starts blackmailing me into forcing you.”
Sakura hesitated. “I guess…. If you are sure.”

“Of course I’m sure forehead! Now come on.”

Sakura let herself be directed towards a restaurant in the civilian district that was popular for its fresh but spicy dishes. Making their way inside they spotted Nara Shikaku sitting alone at a table towards the back, Shikamaru and Ino’s dad nowhere in sight.

Ino scoffed loudly. “Ah, of course, dad and Shika are going to be late. I bet my whole month's salary that they are in Kyo’s weapons shop. Wait here with Shikaku-san while I go get them.” Without another word, Ino had turned and walked back out of the restaurant.

Sakura stood awkwardly for a second before she shook herself out and walked to the table where Shikaku Nara was sitting, casually drinking from a mug.

“Sakura,” he greeted kindly if not a bit surprised when she got to the side of the table.

“Shikaku-san,” Sakura said with a small bow of her head. “I hope you don’t mind but Ino dragged me along and insisted I join you.”

Shikaku instantly gestured towards the seat opposite of him for her to take a seat. “not at all Sakura. In fact, its good to see you around.”

Sakura laughed softly. “Ah you know, Tsunade is keeping me busy and all that.”

Shikaku sat back, his jaw working like he was chewing on nothing and Sakura was sure he was missing a cigarette something awful. There was a moment of silence where Shikaku looked Sakura over, then he leaned closer and spoke quietly. “I’m sure that she is. However, I was talking about how I very well know that you aren’t just working for our esteemed Hokage. But, it seems the shadows are treating you well.”

Sakura’s eyes snapped wide open and she couldn’t help herself but look around. The restaurant was barely even half full seeing as it was still before midday and everyone around them looked to be civilian. Still, Shikaku shouldn’t know. “I.. How? That is supposed to be a secret!” Sakura said in a whisper.

Shikaku raised his hands and smiled gently. “I know. Don’t worry, Tsunade explained it all.”

Sakura felt her shoulders sag. She was a little surprised that Tsunade hadn’t said anything but she trusted Shikaku enough to keep her secret, especially so since Tsunade apparently did. “Sorry but, how do you know? I worked pretty hard to keep it all under wraps.”

“Sakura, I’m the Jounin commander. That means that it's my job to keep an eye on anyone who is making their way closer to the rank of Jounin. If you really had been spending all this time with Tsunade and at the Hospital exclusively, you would have easily obtained the required hours and skills to make the rank of Tokubetsu Jounin specialized in iryo-ninjutsu.” A waiter appeared by their table and Shikaku took it upon himself to order for everyone, not missing a beat and smiling in a friendly manner until the young man was gone. Then he sat back comfortably once more with his eyes back on Sakura. “When I looked into it, it seems that you barely spend any time at the hospital at all.”

For all that Shikaku spoke with a smirk, there was a knowing look in his eyes that had Sakura feeling exposed. And she was. For the first time ever, her little secret life had been exposed and the lies had run out. Realistically, Sakura knew that she should have just been happy that it hadn’t happened sooner an that of all people, it was Nara Shikaku who found out and not some Chunin who just stuck their nose where it didn’t belong.

Instead of getting defensive which had been her first instinct, Sakura forced herself to relax, letting out a heavy sigh. “They are treating me well. The shadows.”

“I’m glad. I must admit, I feared a great deal for you during your academy days. The thought of Ino’s best friend dying an early death was a heavy one.”

Sakura couldn’t help a wince. It was somehow jarring to hear so bluntly that the destiny of her former self had been so clear to everyone.

“You should be happy to hear then that it was Ino who sent me off in a better direction.”

“Really?”

Sakura chuckled. “Yeah. When she knocked me out during the chunin prelims she apparently also knocked some sense into me.”

“I’m sure that went both ways. Ino changed after that, started working harder and taking on a bigger role in the clan.” Shikaku stopped speaking as the waiter got closer to their table and put on his best manners as they received their drinks and side dishes. Taking a sip of his tea seemed to calm some of the nicotine cravings he was so obviously plagued by. “Although, I think Ino reacted that way because realistically, she knew that she lost that fight.”

Sakura frowned, her hand’s cradling her own cup. “She didn’t? it was a draw.”

Shikaku nodded in understanding. “It was but you started that fight off in a much weaker state than she. After all, only one of you had a run-in with Orochimaru in the Forrest and then stayed awake for over 48 hours after.”

That surprised Sakura and she couldn’t help but play the exams over in her head, how she had stayed awake to keep an eye on  Naruto and Sasuke before she herself had gotten into a fight. By the time they had gotten to the tower with both scrolls, Sakura had been dead on her feet, and they hadn’t been allowed to rest before they had entered the prelims. “I never thought of it like that. It’s probably a good thing though because I’m not sure I would have worked as hard if I had.”

“I’m sure you would. You were always a hard worker and sooner or later, something would have set off that spark in you.”

“Thank you” Sakura said and despite herself, she knew that she was blushing.

“But about that Jounin status. Have you ever thought about it?”

Sakura looked back up, surprised. “Me? Jounin? No.”

“How come? You must be strong enough by now.”

“And how would you know?”

Shikaku laughed, loud and bright. “Sakura. Anbu isn’t for just anyone. In fact, it’s a little odd that you are only a chunin and that your work inside the shadows hasn’t been filed along with an application of Tokubetsu.”

“Huh. I guess I wouldn’t even know how to go about it.” She blinked, scratching the back of her neck. She had never even considered making a move for the next rank in line. For years now she had been so content with her status as Anbu that the usual ranks that worked out in the open had become something she was practically indifferent to. The Shadows had been all that had mattered to her.

“It’s not for you to do. It's something another jounin would do for you if they feel you meet the requirements. For Tokubetsu you have to be specialised within a certain field beyond what would be considered “Standard specialisation.” For Jounin the process is a little different. Leadership skills and mission record are taken into consideration and there is an exam as well.”

Sakura didn’t know what to think, let alone what to say, so instead she just stayed quiet while her mind raced. It felt strange, like her mind was everywhere and nowhere at once. The whole jounin thing was almost unimaginable to her, Tokubetsu or not, and while she knew that it was a major milestone that would naturally be part of her career, she really hadn’t thought about it as something she would encounter anytime soon, let alone something she would be ready for. But more so than that, what had really rattled her was that the two sides of her clashed when Shikaku had revealed that he knew. Sakura was one person and most of the time she felt like Mouse was someone entirely separate. But here, in this restaurant in front of the Jounin commander, her friend's father, those two parts of her had been forced into one. And sure, there were times where the line between Sakura and mouse was more blurred, mainly when she was training with Yugao and Genma when they all happened to be in the village, but most of the time there was a clear line. Sakura was the Hokage’s apprentice, she worked in the Hospital and spent most of her time in the lab where she studied medicine and iryo-ninjutsu. Mouse was on Team Toad, the best demo team in all of Konoha, and she was an amazing operative, working hard and excelling in her field all the while, secretly, being one of the best medical ninjas in the world.

But Shikaku knew that Sakura and Mouse was the same person and somehow that changed everything for her, merging her two worlds in a way she hadn’t expected.

The thought of her former classmates hit her then. It had never occurred to her what they might think if they knew. They were all chunin like her, but they were running ordinary missions either together or under a jounin. Some were working in specialized divisions or doing work for their clan, but all of them were above board, in the light. What would they say when they found out that she had been lying to them for years now, and that she had joined the shadow corps without saying anything to them.

With her throat feeling tight Sakura looked back up to see Shikaku already watching her.

“Ino, I mean. She doesn’t know, does she?”

Shikaku smiled, gently but almost a little sad. “No. she doesn’t.”

Later, Sakura would blame herself for not seeing the signs, for not paying enough attention and putting a stop to it. But no one saw it coming and she was the only one left to blame.

Still, Sakura should have known that the mission was fucked from the start. It had started somewhat normally. She had entered HQ through the entrance near the Hospital like she always did, had joined her team in the briefing room and had read through the report while Toad pointed out their focus points and the strategy they would be using. It was an ugly brief to put it lightly, and not a mission their team would usually have been dispatched for. A small group of ninja had been spotted a few hours away from Konoha, and amongst them was a deserter, a former Ninja of Konoha who was now confirmed to me selling insider knowledge for hefty sums of money. It was a hunter-nin missions, and all of the usual operatives, namely team Ro and a few others, were away on missions or on mandatory leave, Anbu language for ‘is currently or probably should be in the hospital’. It wasn’t a mission for a demolition team but with all other teams out of commission and the enemy much too close for comfort, there was no time to waste. Perhaps that was why Sakura didn’t notice the fact that something was wrong before it was too late. She had been distracted, the knowledge that she was leaving the village to take someone’s life never failed to put a cold feeling in Sakura’s stomach, but this time, the fact that it was a deserter who was endangering all of Konoha for their own selfish gain made her blood boil. The sentiment was shared and Sakura could see the effect it had on her teammate. Toad was even stiffer than usual, Goose was breathing heavily, her jaw clenched, and Ram was quiet, his hands shaking ever so slightly as he read the report over and over.

The whole team was dead silent as they headed out, their formation tight and their focus sharper than ever. The seriousness of the situation, the sense of betrayal, carried their every step as they ran towards their target, a singular goal in mind.

Sakura herself felt torn. It wasn’t that she felt bad about killing, no, she knew that if she was the one to cut down the deserter or any of the people he had been selling Konoha secrets to, she wouldn’t feel bad at all. The fact that she had blood on her hands was something the only weighed on her in the lonely hours when night became morning and she was left sleepless with her own thoughts, but even then she knew that she took lives to save more. The conflict Sakura was feeling was more of a nagging sensation in the back of her mind, like she knew there was something she should have remembered but it had slipped away, like there was something wrong. The urge to look over her shoulder as they travelled was overwhelming as she kept feeling like whatever it was, the wrong was just out of sight.

After hours of travel Toad stopped them all silently. Crouched down on a tree branch in the top of the trees, the four of them were hidden from view as Toad spoke quietly.

“The group outnumbers us, but the intel we have says that they don’t have any sensor types. We will approach as a group and spread out in teams of two if anyone manages to escape the initial attack. They should all be Chunin level at best but if possible, we should subdue the majority to gather intel later. We don’t know what kind of knowledge they have obtained.”

Sakura nodded but the motion was interrupted when Ram spoke up.

“Why don’t we split up here and attack from two angles? As you said, they don’t have a sensor type so like this we will be catching them blind from two sides and we have a chance of subduing more of them before they get a chance to fight back.”

Toad shook his head. “It’s a solid plan but I don’t trust the level of intel we have. There are too many blank spots and we aren’t specialized in this. A split two-front attack like that will require a great deal more stealth than we usually operate with.”

Ram shrugged, carefree like he wasn’t actively going against his captain and Sakura felt herself stiffen up a the disrespect. “I think we could do it.”

“’Think’ isn’t very reassuring in this line of work.” Ram answered instantly.

“I know we can do it. We train for scenarios like this all the time even when we don’t often use them in the field. I think this is the best option if we want to avoid a full out bloodbath here.”

Sakura could practically cut the tension as Toad looked at Ram silently. It almost felt like she was watching some sick game of Chicken. But then Toad sighed heavily before he nodded. “Okay. I trust your judgment. Ram and Goose, I want you two to do a perimeter search to make sure they don’t have anyone else close by for backup.”

Sakura sucked in a breath. It was a risky move, but Sakura had to agree. If everything went well, the outcome would be much better than anything they could have gotten by attacking as a united front. Fewer casualties, a shorter fight and the advantage of a doubled surprise attack. The only thing that made it risky was the lack of information they had to make sure this really was the right way to go. Sakura trusted her team, she trusted Toad and his initial plan but she also saw the benefits of the new approach. She trusted Ram and his growing leadership skills. Still, the adrenalin already flowing through her told her that she couldn’t allow herself to underestimate the risk they were accepting by changing plans.

As Goose and Ram headed out, Sakura moved closer to Toad.

“Why did you change your mind?” She asked. While she wasn’t one to question orders she was curious.

Toad sighed, a heavy sound that revealed his feelings. He looked at her, his eyes clear behind the mask. “Did Ram tell you about his application for a captain's position?”

“He did,” Sakura said quietly, not really liking how tired Toad had sounded at the mere topic.

“I haven’t approved it yet. I’m not sure I will.”

“How come?”

Toad huffed and as much as it was almost a laugh, it sounded more tired than anything. “I don’t know if he is ready. Ram is a good operative, but he is impulsive and being a captain is a big responsibility.”

Damn it, Sakura thought. It made sense now that Ram had acted out in the way he did. Either he already knew that Ram wouldn’t approve it or he just had a strong feeling. “He told me you rejected his first application.”

Toad nodded even as his eyes stayed focused on the forest around them, keeping guard while they waited. “I did. It was the right thing to do.”
“Then why did you change your mind about the attack pattern?”

Toad glanced at her, just for a second before he breathed out heavily. “I feel guilty. I think he knows I don’t want to sign off on his application.”

Sakura hummed in agreement. It wasn’t difficult to imagine. They were the elite, they were trained to recognise intentions hidden behind actions or words. More importantly, they were friends and perhaps even family with how the four of them were together the majority of the day. Ram would have had no issue getting a feel for Toad’s intentions. “He is a very perceptive person.”

“He is. But I’m also scared that I might be wrong, that I’m holding him back.”

Sakura frowned as she considered the statement. “So this is a test?” she asked finally.

“No. Maybe? I want to give him a chance to prove me wrong and his idea was solid. It’s risky but if it goes well, the outcome is safer.”

“I think so too,” Sakura agreed. “The chance of this going well is smaller than with our original plan but if it does, then the outcome will outweigh the risk.”

“Exactly,” Toad agreed. “I just wish he would have told me sooner that he was thinking about applying again. I could have mentored him, showed him what it is like to be captain and even have let him take point on our routine missions.”

“I think that would have been lovely. Maybe he was just afraid of getting rejected again?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Taichou. It’s going to be fine. You said it yourself; Ram is a good operative and it is no wonder he would want the challenge of the promotion. Maybe after this mission, you should talk to him, no matter if you sign or not, and tell him that you would like to teach him.”

“I really would. Right now, I’m not sure he would get the position even if I did sign.”

“Then it’s only that more important that you talk to him and make it clear that you are here to support him.”

“Thank you, Mouse. I needed to talk about this.”

Sakura smiled widely, even if her captain couldn’t see it. “Anytime Taichou.”

Toad pushed her playfully, lifting the heavy mood that had settled during their conversation. “Just promise me, when you start heading for a promotion, come to me before you apply.”

Sakura laughed, careful to stay quiet but laughing all the same. “Taichou, I can say very confidently that it don’t ever think I would want to be a captain.”

“No? you would be good at it?”

Just as Sakura was about to answer, she felt the familiar chakra of Ram and Goose getting closer and no more than a few seconds later, the two landed next to them.

“It’s all clear. We felt the signature of the camp but there were no signs of any other activity,” Goose said with her deep and steady voice, void of emotions as it always was when she was wearing her mask.

Toad Gave a small nod. “Okay, Goose and Ram, you take the far east side, Sakura and I will stay on the western side of the camp. In ten minutes, I will signal and we attack.”

With a last look at each other, the small formation of four broke up as they headed deeper into the woods.

Sakura followed Toad closely as they neared their final position, staying just behind him on his right side as they broke through the last row of trees and,-

Sakura was thrown back by a blow she never saw coming and in the split second it took her to regain her bearings, the world must have turned upside down.

Instead of a two-fronted surprise attack, Sakura found that they had run face first into an ambush.

Sakura flipped her body in the air, landing feet first against a tree trunk and instantly shooting back out towards the enemy who had hit her with some sort of ninjutsu. With half her focus on Toad who was fighting only meters away, Sakura cut down her enemy and then the next, slowly but surely making her way towards her Taichou.

Sakura and Toad fell into a well-trained rhythm, covering each other’s blind angles without even speaking as they were rushed from all sides. There was barely even room to think but Sakura couldn’t stop the cold clarity in her mind from settling on a few very obvious facts. Firstly, the bandits had known they were coming, their numbers far exceeded what their intel had included. And she couldn’t see Ram or Goose.

As much as she wanted to panic, Sakura stayed in the moment, hyper-focused on her surroundings while she let instinct lead her strikes.

Despite being Anbu, Sakura hadn’t been in direct battle very often. One of the simple facts of being part of a demolition and clean-up crew, meant that Sakura and the rest of her team usually only showed up after the action was already over, and that was only when they had missions outside of the village. Being Anbu was always dangerous but contrary to what many believed, there weren’t often a ton of life-or-death battles that Anbu operatives had to face. Most of the missions were boring tasks inside of the village where they had to keep watch, unseen for hours at a time. The biggest danger in Anbu was that putting on the mask meant that you acknowledged that there would never be a rescue team. It didn’t matter if you got caught in an ambush or if you simply fell and broke a leg, there would be no saviour. Even with the forces being smaller than they had been in years, mostly due to the lack of active shinobi, most of the missions Sakura took with Anbu were characterized by a distinct lack of action. But Sakura and her team always stayed ready for the possibility of a fight and they trained harder than anyone, knowing that if they did end up fighting, it would be all or nothing. That was why Sakura found the strength to follow the attack patterns she had practiced tirelessly even as her heart was beating out of her chest.

Something she wouldn’t have expected prior to becoming Anbu was that the hardest part of being Anbu wasn’t even the missions but the training required to be a full time operative. And now, more than ever, Sakura was thankful for the way she had quite literally been beaten into shape. It hadn’t even just been an effort from her team, no, even as Sakura settled into her role as Anbu over the years, Genma and Yugao never forgot their promises to her. Genma had taught Sakura to throw a senbon with a precision she never thought possible and Yugao had taken the task of teaching Sakura how to seduce anyone. And now, each lesson she had had, each correction she had even been given ran through Sakura’s mind as her blade cut through the enemy who had just aimed a hit towards Toad.

“Taichou!” Sakura yelled loudly, not caring for the way she usually changed her voice the slightest amount when wearing her mask.

“We have to retreat but I haven’t seen Ram or Goose.”

“Me neither. How did they know we were coming!?”

“Shit.” Toad cursed loudly as he deflected a stream of senbon with a solid wall of stone. “Nezumi. Search and destroy. 2 minutes till departure. Go!”
Sakura was only faintly aware of the heavy nausea that settled in her at those words, but nonetheless, she set off into the top of the trees instantly. She had two minutes to not only take out as many enemies as possible, but also to locate Ram and Goose. After those two minutes, the signal for retreat would sound and then it would be over. Anyone unable to leave the situation on their own would be expected to self-destruct. They were already dealing with a group of enemies selling insider knowledge – they simply couldn’t risk anyone getting captured and held hostage. But as she fought and counted the seconds, some of her anxiety started to lessen. While they were still outnumbered, they definitely weren’t backed up into a corner. Perhaps if she could only get to Ram and Goose then they would be able to make a strategic retreat before making a counterattack.

Ducking under a swarm of kunai, Sakura crouched before using her strength to take down a giant tree, a distraction so that she could go even higher, wanting to get a better vantage point of the situation while still keeping Toad within sight so that she would be able to provide backup. At every moment she was aware that she was only seconds away from the next attack and barely had her feet touch the trunk of the tree before she had to throw herself out into the air to avoid a ball of fire aimed to kill.

As Sakura spun in the air, something caught her eye just off in the near distance. A flash of white surrounded by green and red. Sakura’s world came to a stop.

How she got there was a blur. One second Sakura had been high in the treetops, the next she was standing solidly on the ground, the battle scene left behind.

The red liquid dripping off of her blended seamlessly with the equally as read stream coming from what had once been Anbu operative Goose.

Sakura stumbled where she stood, unable to move wither which way – closer to mangled body parts but familiar mask, or away from the heartbreaking sight.

With each second, Sakura felt her resolve faulter, felt as she started to fall apart at the seams and she feared that this would be it for her as well if she couldn’t handle the sight of a fallen comrade.

An explosion behind her shook Sakura, and with a will she didn’t know she had previously possessed, Sakura shut everything down. For all she wanted to fall to her knees and cry, Sakura knew that it wasn’t an option. The mission was still ongoing and unless she moved, she would have more than just one teammate to mourn.

In retrospect, it was like she flipped a switch, turned off the emotional aspect of her to focus on the physical world around her. Without another second of hesitation, Sakura took to the trees again, eyes scanning the forest before her.

Ram had been with Goose, but there had been no sign of his body or even much of a fight. If they had been caught unaware by the ambush, Ram would be trying to either finish his part of the mission alone or he would have signaled for retreat on his end. The lack of signal meant that he should currently be somewhere near her, in battle and trying to move closer to Toad’s position.

But as Sakura flashed closer to her captain, she could only feel one fight, the signature of Toad well known even as he fought on a scale she had never seen before. On another occasion Sakura would have been impressed by the power of her captain, the walls he raised from the earth, the trees knocking over in the process as if there were nothing but a small annoyance. It was a magnificent display of power. And Sakura was almost there, almost able to call out. Then another flash of white, this time the mask attached to a whole body.

Ram was moving, alive and whole in a way that made Sakura’s heart skip a beat. Hope blossomed in her chest as she watched Ram approach their captain with lightning speed, coming to his rescue and,-

Ram’s katana split open Toad’s chest, cracking bones and armor alike.

Sakura was screaming but she couldn’t hear her own voice, her vision narrowing into a point as her body collided with Ram.

Her ears were ringing but her fist collided with someone as she stood over Toad’s lifeless body.

“What did you do!”

“What I should have done long ago.” Ram’s voice was eerily calm as he stood in front of her, a hand in the air that stopped the many people who surrounded her.

“You did this,” Sakura whispered, her voice shaky and breaking. “You lead us into an ambush?”

“Yes. I know my worth. Konoha was never going to recognize that. Now I’m taking what I’m owed for myself.”

“By betraying us?” Sakura’s voice scratched at her throat. She could no longer tell if she was screaming or whispering. If she was even saying anything at all.

“By freeing myself.”

“How could you?”

Ram tilted his head to the side. “Oh Nezumi. It was easy.” Then his hand fell.

Chapter Text

Sakura clutched her side in a weak attempt to stop the blood oozing from the open wound. It was one of many. If she had had any chakra left, she could have easily healed herself, but she had used every last drop to escape. She wasn’t really sure how she was still standing, still walking and breathing, but her mission kept her going. 

She had to make it back to HQ, she had to deliver her information. Then she could rest, even die if that was what was going to happen. She didn’t care much that she was dying, because she was. She already felt dead inside, like a hole had been carved out of her chest where her heart had once been. 

She had been betrayed by her teammate, her friend, her family. For all she felt like simply laying down and giving up, she had to tell someone . 

When Ram had attacked, Sakura had been overwhelmed by the combined force. She was a good fighter and she had fought with everything she had, but the simple fact was that after years of fighting side by side with Ram, he knew her too well. Sakura’s entire fighting style had been influenced so much by her team, her former team, that Ram met her blow by blow. The fact that Ram hadn’t been fighting alone had been the deciding factor. And perhaps, just perhaps, Sakura hadn’t had the strength to kill someone she loved. 

When Sakura realised that she was going to lose she had turned around to run. The only reason why she managed to get away was her ability with genjutsu. Every few seconds that she sprinted through the woods, she had sent out layer upon layer of genjutsu to hide tracks and plant false ones. But while that allowed her to escape, it had drained her of chakra and even then she had continued to run with chakra enhanced speed until the point where she couldn’t even keep up the henge that usually hid her pink hair. Now she was down to 2%, possibly even less. She should be in a coma. 

Sakura stumbled over nothing, her legs feeling numb despite the fact that her entire body was in pain. She watched blankly as the forest floor got closer and unable to brace against the fall, she felt heavily onto the ground. 

Sakura groaned as she tried to move but not a single muscle responded to her attempt. She was so close to being home, she recognised the trees around her but she couldn’t do anything. She couldn’t move, she couldn’t call out. She couldn’t even pulse her chakra to attract the attention of the Anbu patrols that ran surveillance around the village at all times. 

The sob that escaped her throat was entirely out of her control. She didn’t have the strength to cry but still she did as she began to mourn the lives of her team, as she began to mourn herself. The black dots that had filled her vision for hours grew bigger, the pink locks of her hair the only discernible feature in her line of vision. 

The sensation of being moved was what brought Sakura back to the edge of consciousness. She was being carried, her hurt body was sending her mind waves of dizzying agony but her mental state kept it all behind a layer of fog. But even through the pain, Sakura could feel that the hands were careful for all they were hurried as she was laid out on something soft and more hands reached for her. 

The realisation nearly knocked her right back out. She had made it back. She was safe. 

“Shit, she is waking up!”

“Put her back under, someone give me a sedative!” 

“We have to question her!”

“We can’t question her if she is dead, goddamn it!”

Sakura knew those voices but she couldn’t place them, the names belonging to them just on the tip of her tongue yet still out of reach. But Sakura would always be able to recognise the distinct feeling of Tsunade’s chakra as it flowed through her body, piecing it back together bit by bit. 

It was an instant comfort, and in that safety, Sakura remembered her mission. She had to tell them of Ram’s betrayal, of the final location of the fight and the numbers she had met there. Sakura fought her body, desperate to find words and force them out even if it was the last thing she would ever do.

Then there was a prick in the tender skin of her arm, a sensation of pressure, and then all went black once more. 

Sakura opened her eyes slowly. She knew that she couldn’t have been out long due to the presence of a foreign chakra in her body. She was still being healed but it was clear to her that the effort was now on superficial wounds. 

She was in Anbu HQ, in the closed-off medical bay. Tsunade was sitting beside her, sweat gathered on her forehead from how long she must have been at work. Sakura almost wanted to make Tsunade stop, to say that there was no reason to waste energy on wounds that would close to only a scar on their own, but she knew it would be of no use. Tsunade would heal her to perfection.

The commander stood not far away, bending over a table where he was looking at something. 

“Shishou,” Sakura said, her voice cracking and hoarse.

Tsunade looked up, surprised, and Sakura had never seen such a look on her teacher's face – surprise, hurt, happiness, desperation – all mixed into one. 

“You're awake.” It was the commander who responded as he walked to her bedside in confident strides. “Sorry we can’t let you rest any longer but we need your report.” 

“But as soon as you are done I’m putting you right back under.” Tsunade’s voice was harsh and direct but her eyes were gentle.

“It was an ambush. Anbu operative Ram led us into an ambush.” Sakura took a deep and shaky breath. She was thankful for the pain that still filled her due to pure physical exhaustion. It distracted her mind, made her almost unable to feel what was going on in her heart. Almost. 

“Operatives Goose and Toad are both dead.”

“Are you certain?”

Sakura knew that he had to ask but still it only made it hurt so much more. If she hadn’t seen it all herself, it would have been so easy to think that it had all been a mistake and that she had been under some type of nasty genjutsu. But Sakura had been the only genjutsu user in that fight. 

“I…. I saw him cut down Toad. I only just escaped but not before he had already admitted to everything.”

“Shit.” The commander cursed and for the first time Sakura could hear emotion behind his usually monotone and cold voice “Tell me exactly what happened.”

Sakura closed her eyes and focused on the pain in her body. “He was acting weird from the moment we got the mission. I didn’t even notice it until it was all too late but when I was running back I couldn’t help but think about it. He was acting anxious, his hands were shaking. I thought it was just nerves and the nature of the mission, you know, we don’t get these missions often so it’s not easy when we do. It’s unpredictable. But I think he was nervous because he was working with the group that we were being sent out to assassinate.” Sakura paused and let herself breathe. There was a lump in her throat that she refused to acknowledge. 

“When we got there, he suggested a change in our formation for the attack. It was strange but I know he had applied for a captains position so we all just thought he was trying to prove himself to get Toad to sign off on it. It was a solid plan too.” Sakura opened her eyes back up and looked straight at the commander. “We did a two front attack to try and catch them off-guard, but Toad and I ran straight into an ambush… When I found Goose, I- she never even made it to their final position. I think he killed her and then told them we were coming.”

“You say you saw the attack on Toad?”

“When I went back to find Toad after I had found Goose dead, I saw Ram cut him down. He even admitted to having betrayed us and, fuck, he didn’t even have a real reason.”

The commander simply looked at her, his featureless mask hiding whatever he may have felt and Sakura couldn’t help but wish to have her own mask back on. “It’s okay. Thank you Mouse. Rest now, you deserve it.”

It was a kind gesture, but Sakura knew that she couldn’t rest. Not yet. 

“You’re sending someone?”

“Yes.”

“Now?”

“Yes.”
For a brief second Sakura wanted to sit up, to defy her body and demand that she be on the team that went out to hunt Ram down. But she knew that it was useless. Not only could she hardly move but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to do what had to be done. “Okay,” She said instead and forced her body to relax back into the mattress. 

The commander left the room without saying another word and Sakura was left with a silent Tsunade who was still working on the last few scratches that blemished Sakura’s dirty skin. 

“You will be on medical leave for a while. Your coils are in bad shape from the exhaustion.”

“I know.”
“Sakura.” Tsunade said, her voice so gentle that it nearly broke down the last of Sakura’s resolve.” Are you all right?”

Sakura felt her breath hitch, the way her eyes started to burn and her chest tighten. “Can you just. Can I have a moment before you put me back under?”

“Yes. Of course.”

As Tsunade left the room, Sakura couldn’t help but feel that perhaps, having been put directly back into a chakra induced coma would have been better. It would have spared her from the miserable void that was her mind and her heart as she pushed her emotions away once more. It was with an almost clinical clarity that the scenes of the fight played before her mind and the numbness that she had forced upon herself kept her from feeling the emotions which by all means should have been attached to those images. 

Sakura almost lost herself to the darkness and the sensation of nothing when the door opened slowly and a familiar masked woman stepped inside. There was a moment of silence and then Yugao kneeled down by her side, a gentle gloved hand cupping Sakura’s cheek. 

“Sakura.”

Sakura let her head fall to the side as her eyes met Yugao’s deep eyes through the slits of the mask. It was so achingly familiar that the pain Sakura was fighting off nearly won. 

With a steady hand, Yugao reached up to remove her mask and Sakura almost wished she hadn’t. The look on Yugao’s face, so full of understanding and grief was too much. It spoke of too much sorrow and pain just like the kind Sakura was feeling and it was beyond horrible that this was now another shared pain in their lives, the tragic loss of teammates and surviving to see the aftermath. 

“Senpai,” Sakura said with a hoarse voice and she wished that it had been from anything else but the urge to cry. 

“Sakura, they are sending me.”

“Alone?”

“No, don’t worry. It’s the whole team. Me, Genma, our newbie and our Captain, Tiger.”

The lineup wasn’t what Sakura had imagined and her mind jumped on the distraction. “I thought Hound-?”

“Senpai has been removed from the team temporarily to work on a specialised taskforce so don’t worry, he won't be there when we question the target should he reveal your identity.”

Oh, right, Sakura thought. They would have to do a field interrogation if they couldn’t get Ram back to the village and Ram knew who she was, a secret she had managed to keep much longer than anticipated. 

Sakura nodded and turned her face away. She wanted to tell Yugao to be careful, to be safe, but she couldn’t. That alone would be too much like acknowledging that they were in danger and that they too could get hurt, and Sakura knew that she wouldn’t survive that. 

“Sakura, we need your report. We can’t. – we need to know exactly what happened.”

“When are you leaving?” 

Yugao ran her fingers through Sakura’s hair, a comforting gesture amongst all the pain. “Now. The commander will send one of his summons with the report once you finish it, but it would be best if you could be done within an hour. He wants to let you rest, I swear he has a soft spot for you, but it’s better this way.”

Sakura nodded before she closed her eyes with a hard breath. She wanted nothing more than to just crumble down until she was nothing more than a shell of her former self, some mangled form made up of pieces of herself, some of Haruno Sakura, some of Anbu Mouse. But she knows that this was something she had to do, something to give her purpose. She had taken a vow long ago, another even before that. 

It was the eldest vow that pulled her together as she focused on her slow breathing. She had only been a kid when she had promised herself that she wouldn’t fall behind anymore, that she would stand beside her teammates instead of behind them, she had been a kid when she had taken her destiny into her own hands and given herself the future she deserved. She had also been a kid the first time she had been betrayed by a teammate. She hadn’t fallen into despair then. She refused to do so now. 

“Go meet your team. I’ll have the report ready.”

There was a look of understanding on Yugao’s face in the slip second before the woman slid the mask onto her face, a dark kind of understanding but also pride.  With a last comforting brush of her fingers against Sakura’s face, Yugao left. 

Sakura used too much strength to even just sit up in the bed, but somehow she managed to drag herself to the small desk in the corner of the room. There was a blank stack of papers on the desk and a single pen, prepared for the deceivingly small task she was about to take upon herself. 

With a last moment spared for her self-pity and grief, Sakura starts writing. 

As the words started to fill the page, professional and detached, Sakura started to understand how truly therapeutic writing a report was and that it was probably all by design. 

If Sakura had made any mistakes during the mission, she would have caught them when she put the words down on the page but that never happened, because she didn’t make any mistakes. But hindsight was something entirely different, and as she wrote, things started falling into place like little pieces of a royally messed up puzzle. 

Ram had not been nervous during briefing because they were being sent on a dangerous mission that their team didn’t usually handle. He wasn’t uncomfortable due to the fact that they were going after someone who had betrayed them. He was acting weird because they had just been sent out to perform a hit on his associates. He hadn’t been acting weird during their travels due to the tension between him and Toad, he had been working hard to come up with a plan. He hadn’t suggested the change of formation to get a better outcome for them, he had changed it to get a better outcome for himself. He had changed the formation not to prove himself a capable captain, but to take out whichever teammate he was paired with and then send some kind of warning signal to his fellow traitors. Sakura added all of this to her notes, the blood in her veins running cold as ice. 

It wasn’t until she got to the part where Ram had attacked her that her mind started to cloud over and her hand began to shake. 

Ram let his hand fall and instantly Sakura was being attacked from two sides. Instinctively, Sakura let her chakra explode out through her heel into the ground, at the same time cracking the ground beneath her and sending the three attackers closest to her stumbling, while sending her flying upwards. Any hesitation that Sakura might have had was straight out the window and Sakura hit back with deadly precision. 

Sakura stopped writing for a second while a wave of nausea overcame her. It was a poorly hidden secret that she wasn’t supposed to have stayed on a demo team long term – when she was younger Toad had been able to pull strings to keep her on the team and later they had used her steady growth as a point of her not leaving. For the last four months, Sakura had known that things were about to change. The commander and two masked operatives had announced that they would be coming in to observe a team practice and Sakura had felt their eyes on her the entire time. Team Toad had a good balance going and a near perfect record, but Sakura was outgrowing them, had been outgrowing them for a long time. She was too good of a killer for a demo team. 

It was with the deadly precision which she had dreaded because it would have torn her away from team Toad that she attacked.

Sakura let the acceleration carry her body while she gathered herself. She had lost her blade and she had used about 70% of her supplies in the fight alongside Toad, leaving her with only a few kunai and a small handful of poisoned senbon. Her chakra as well had taken a good hit already. It didn’t matter. Sakura’s feet hit the ground and not a second later, she was already airborne again as she turned mid air to kick away from a large tree. It was almost comically easy for her whole fist to punch through the chest of the man closest to her. The next man went down just as easy. A normal kick like the one she hit him, with as he came for her from behind, would usually just punch the air from someone, but Sakura could tell from the way his chest basically folded around her foot that his whole rib cage was in shambles, and there was a 100% chance of his heart and lungs being crushed on impact. The short moment of having the upper hand quickly ended as Ram joined the fight. They met blow by blow but Sakura could quickly see how this wasn’t going to last. Ram was pushing her further against the thick line of trees surrounding the small clearing and his associates were already falling into place around her. Desperate to regain the upper hand, Sakura took the fight to the trees, but in her desperation she didn’t notice the enemy hiding in the top of the tree until it was almost too late. The blade that had been aimed at her heart pierced her side instead as she twisted out of the way, narrowly missing any major organs, but still sending the blood spurting as the foe pulled back his blade. 

Sakura didn’t let herself stall for long enough to feel the pain and instead of retreating she attached herself to the tree with chakra and flipped till she was standing on the underside of the branch, quickly reappearing on the other side of the man who had stabbed her. With practised ease, she jumped on his back and grabbed his head, twisting until a sickening crunch announced his death and his body slumped and fell. Sakura let herself fall with the body until she pushed away mid fall, quickly aiming a deadly slash at Ram with one of her remaining kunai. Ram grinned as he diverted the attack and if Sakura hadn’t been so focused, she would have screamed. 

How could he smile like that after everything he had done? Who even was he? 

Sakura kicked out, relying on her taijutsu but the smile on Ram’s twisted face only became bigger and Sakura knew that she wouldn’t win. Ram had been the one to teach her these moves and the way he was dodging her blows was almost playful, like he was toying with her, a cat playing with the mouse before the kill. A shuriken embedded itself in Sakura’s back as Ram’s men rejoined the fight and it was with a breaking heart that Sakura realised that she had to run. She couldn’t win and the mission came before her need for revenge. 

Sakura’s breath shuddered as she ended her report. She had filled an entire scroll, her language distant and cold, like she hadn’t just explained in detail how someone she had considered family had betrayed her. 

There was a knock on the door as soon as she put the pen down and the commander re-entered the room. Despite not being able to see his face, Sakura could feel the tension on him as he walked closer until he was standing beside her and looking down at the now finished report. 

“You did a good job, operative.”

“Thank you, Commander.”

The commander reached out and took the finished report. There was a moment of silence where he might have been reading the report but Sakura didn’t look up from the table. Then there was a small ‘pop’ and a cloud of smoke. The commander spoke quietly, practically at a whisper, but Sakura still heard him tell someone, or something, to take the report to operative Tora. 

“Would you like to rest here or would you rather I get an operative in here to escort you home?”

Sakura almost wanted to protest that she could make it back home on her own but she knew that she couldn’t. Her body was shaking with exhaustion and her vision was slowly growing unfocused. Despite her  deep exhaustion and the fact that Tsunade would most definitely throw a fit once she found out Sakura had moved more than strictly necessary, Sakura was grateful for the offer and accepted it easily. The thought alone of getting out of HQ made her breathe a little easier and once she reached open air, physically supported on both sides by masked individuals and her own mask in place once more, she felt alive again for the first time since the ambush. However, the elation of seeing the world whole after her own felt like such a wreck was apparently too much, and for the third time in less than a day, everything turned black as Sakura’s body finally gave in to the need to rest. 

Sakura added yet another report to the pile of genin mission reports on the desk in front of her on which she had forged the Hokage’s signature. It had been two weeks since she had made it back to Konoha in pieces and reported the ambush and betrayal. For the entirety of the first week, Tsunade had forbidden Sakura to do anything but sleep and read, but as she slowly started to go stir crazy from being locked up, Sakura had been able to convince the Hokage that she could be helpful in the office without over exerting herself. 

Admittedly, signing genin reports was mind-numbing at the best of times but it was still a huge improvement to being locked up inside of her own apartment with nothing but her own thoughts to entertain her. At first, all of the time alone had been torturous as Sakura’s mind kept replaying the death of her team over and over again, but as the days passed, she had settled into a strange feeling of acceptance. It had happened, and she had survived. Simple as that. 

Except there was nothing simple about it and Sakura would wake up screaming as she saw Goose die right in front of her. It wasn’t until the 5 th night that she had some real relief in the form of Genma who had landed on her small balcony, still dressed in his uniform. 

Sakura’s heart had been beating out of her chest as she opened the door. For just the shortest moment Sakura imagined that Genma would stand there and tell her that the mission had gone wrong, that they too had ended in an ambush and that Yugao was dead. But instead, Genma had taken his mask off and taken Sakura’s face into his gentle hands. The smile on his lips had been small and while it was a smile, it wasn’t really happiness. “He is dead,” Genma had said then, his voice smooth as ever as his words brought Sakura’s world to a stand still. Sakura still couldn’t quite remember what had happened but she had come back down a few hours later, cuddled tightly in Genma’s arms and with the last few of her tears still drying on her cheeks. After that it had become easier. Having the option of revenge be taken away from her like that had set her free because as much as Sakura had wanted to be the one to get her hands around Ram’s neck, she had also known all along that she couldn’t do it. But now it was done and it was done by Genma. That somehow helped too because while it hadn’t been Sakura herself who had ended Ram’s life; it had been someone she trusted on an even deeper level than she had ever trusted her team. 

When Genma had left to give his report, and possibly receive an earful from the commander from being several hours late, a weight had left Sakura along with him. The next day she had showed up at the Hokage’s office and demanded to be put to work lest she lose all function of her brain due to boredom. 

Throwing another file onto the pile, Sakura looked around the room. She could only distantly remember how frightening the Hokage's office had been back when she had been a genin and had stood here along with team 7, demanding to go on a real mission. By now, Sakura couldn’t even count how many hours or even full days she had spent in here and there was even something comforting and familiar about the room and her shishou’s presence. Tsunade herself was sitting behind her desk, reading through a scroll so long that it could easily wrap around the Hokage tower. Twice. 

As usual it was quiet between the two of them as they worked save for the periodical sighs of exhaustion coming from Tsunade. The sound only became louder as the day passed slowly and Sakura often found it hard not to laugh at the obvious pity Tsunade felt for herself. 

Having worked with Tsunade for years now, Sakura had nothing but respect for the incredible work she was doing as Hokage. It was only natural due to her position that Sakura had a better understanding of the politics of Konoha that the ordinary chunin, and Sakura could see just how well Tsunade was doing, even if the elders like to claim otherwise. Ever since Tsunade had taken over, the overall productivity of the village had gone up a considerable amount and a great deal of that was due to the medical knowledge Tsunade had brought to the village. Flu season no longer set the village in a state of pause and the survival rate of the active forces had also improved greatly. Sakura could only imagine how effective Konoha’s shinobi teams would be once Tsunade finally got her bill passed to include a shinobi with medical abilities on each team. Sakura had a sneaking suspicion that the elders were actively working against this, not because they were simply old fashioned and lacked vision, but because their continued power was dependent on the village needing them. If Konoha realised just how much Tsunade could do for them, they would have the elders thrown out faster than Naruto could inhale a bowl of ramen. 

But there were also things that Tsunade did that didn’t make sense to Sakura, and as she sat there, watching her teacher labour over a job that she hated, some of those questions started to arise once more. 

“I talked with Nara Shikaku a while ago,” Sakura started out slowly and watched Tsunade out of the corner of her eye while she kept working.
Tsunade unrolled the next section of the scroll she was reading. “And?”

“How come I'm still chunin?”

It was silent in the room as Sakura held her breath and Tsunade halted her movement. Then Tsunade set her scroll down and looked up, giving Sakura her undivided attention. 

“Because I'm selfish.”
Sakura’s breath caught in her throat. That was not the answer she had expected and it was so raw and emotional that she didn’t even know what to say nor do.
Tsunade sighed heavily before she got up and stood by the window. Then she raised a hand into the air and instantly, three masked Anbu operatives dropped to the floor before they all quietly left the room, two of them going out the window and one leaving through the door. It sent a chill down Sakura’s spine. Tsunade had asked for privacy even from her own troops who were sworn to secrecy regarding everything they overheard while on duty, and now Sakura really didn’t know what to expect. 

“Between the three ranks of ninja, chunin are the once most easily overlooked. It is the largest group of active shinobi at all times which makes it easy to blend in. At first the fact that you are chunin worked to our advantage of keeping your anbu status hidden. Having a chunin work at the hospital or in some lab is much more acceptable on the record than having a jounin do the exact same work. Jounin are expected to be visible, so be leaders who symbolise the strength of the village and that makes them invaluable in the field. No one would look twice at you as a chunin because there are dozens with better records and mission completion rates working in the field. All of your records are sealed so apart from your medical work, no one officially knows your stats in regards to missions. And even if they did look at your file, they would see a chunin training to be a surgeon who has been working in closed OR’s and labs for the last three years.”

Sakura furrowed her brow. She knew all of this even if they had never really discussed it but hearing it plainly made it a lot more obvious as to why she had never had any issues with the fact that she hardly ever went on missions as a chunin. “That doesn’t make you selfish.”
“No. But it was always too easy for me to settle for this version because deep down I always knew that when you made jounin I would no longer be able to protect you in the same way. Being chunin kept you on the demo team, it kept you away from the really ugly missions.”

A heavy weight settled in Sakura’s stomach. Now she understood. “Until it didn’t.”

“Until it didn’t.”

Sakura leaned back in her chair as she thought it all over. She knew that there were plenty of chunin in anbu, but she had too often failed to consider the work that they did in the connection to them being chunin. While people thought of anbu and immediately imagined assassins and exciting covert operations, the reality was far different. Most anbu operatives spent their life keeping watch, be it one the village or on the border. If not that, then they were watching people of interest. Those who were specialised in a field, like interrogation or tracking, or a technique, like one passed down through a clan and specified towards a purpose,  were often tokubetsu jounin, sure, but a lot of them were chunin like Sakura. However, those who weren’t glorified watch dogs were in an entirely different position. People like Genma and Yugao were too good to do nothing and they were part of the teams who took on the missions everyone always associated with anbu. Sakura knew that while Yugao had gone the traditional route to get to jounin, Genma had been made tokubetsu based on his abilities. Sakura also knew that the two of them would never retire. They would be anbu until the day that they died and the probability that anbu would be the cause of said death was extremely high. 

Sakura had excelled in demo and if nothing had happened and she had managed to stay there, she would possibly have made tokubetsu at some point, but going for jounin had never really been in the cards for her there. Now her time in demo was over and while she couldn’t picture a life outside of anbu, she also could stand the thought of joining a new demo team. As far as Sakura knew, there was only one other fully operating demo team in anbu right now and that team was full already. If she was to be on a new demo team, she would be the one with the most experience and that would mean that she would be the default for captain. 

As if Tsunade was reading Sakura’s train of thought, she spoke up just then. “But, on the bright side, getting you to jounin would mean new opportunities and even better once at that. You could be a captain, lead a crew of your own if you wanted.”

 “I don’t even know if I want to be a jounin. I don’t like being a leader.”

“Funny how all the natural leaders always say that.”

Sakura sank back in her chair and ignored the small giggle coming from her shishou. 

“Shishou. What do I do now?” Sakura knew that Tsunade could tell that this question wasn’t about her rank. 

“You keep moving.”

Chapter Text

Sakura had no idea how long the commander was going to keep her benched but at least she was making the best of her time on the sideline. Sakura had spent more time with Ino than she had in years and she had even gotten closer to both Tenten and Hinata, having spent several evenings with the three of them, just goofing around and being girls. Having spent such a long time as anbu, Sakura was more than used to gossip but she was surprised to find out just how juicy Ino’s knowledge was. Sakura was half tempted to shadow the blonde one day just to find out how she did it but decided that it was probably over the line. Still, Sakura was sure Ino would do very well within T&I one day in the future. 

Sakura had also taken the opportunity to actually work at the hospital and had brushed up on some of the more complicated medical techniques that she had been putting off due to their chakra intensity. It was after all looked down upon to exhaust oneself while on call and so Sakura had admittedly been slacking a bit when it came to medical ninjutsu. While she had healed herself and her team-mates several times and had even been deployed a handful of times as a medical operative within anbu, she had gotten used to doing more damage control than actual surgery.  Having not much else to do, working at the hospital was therefore a very natural step while being benched for Sakura. She would have something to do, and got to exhaust  her body and mind with demanding medical work. 

Benched or not, Sakura had also been training hard as ever. She would get up at dawn and run laps at the training grounds before going on to strength training. She would end with working on her aim with kunai and bo-shuriken, the exhaustion from the strength training adding an additional challenge that she would have to work through in the field anyways. It would be beneficial to one day get accurate enough with her aim to where she could work with poisons like Genma did, and while she was good, she had a bit of way to go yet before she had it down to a point where she would feel comfortable relying on it in the field. 

Sakura also spent time with Genma and Yugao during her break, and ever since the incident, the two had been a tad overbearing. Genma was a lot more gentle than he usually was when they spared together, showing Sakura where she left her defence open instead of just ramming through and throwing her to the ground like he usually would have. 

Yugao was the opposite. Sakura was positive that she had never had so many bruises before, but it was worth it. After Sakura had realised in her fight with Ram that her style was too predictable, she had asked Yugao and Genma to get her back into shape and help her with some of the skills she hadn’t had time to focus on in demo and the two of them had delivered like it was their personal goal to make Sakura as dangerous as possible. 

Best of all perhaps was that Genma had shown up to practise one day with a stack of scrolls on combat genjutsu. Genma didn’t say where he had gotten them and Sakura didn’t ask, but the scratchy notes on almost all the pages matched perfectly with the book she had gotten from Hound all those years ago. 

Sakura also had the occasional training session with her former classmates whenever the opportunity arose but the first time it had happened, she had been surprised by the difference in their skill level. Sakura knew that she was good and that anbu training was on another level but she hadn’t realised just how different it was until she had to intentionally hide some of the things she could do during their sparring. After all, her friends would start raising questions if Sakura, a supposed nurse, was suddenly much stronger than she had any right being.  Partially due to this, Sakura preferred to train with Genma and Yugao even if it sometimes felt like she was putting her life on the line to do so. 

It was an uncharacteristically cold day when Sakura’s early morning workout was interrupted by Yugao whose yell interrupted the otherwise calm and quiet air. 

“Hey pinky!” The loud noise caused a flock of birds to frighten and abandon the tree they had perched on by the edge of the field. 

“Senpai.” Sakura looked up from where she had been tightening the wrappings around her legs where they had come loose. As always, when outside of HQ and with her real hair colour showing, Sakura was wearing a modified version of the standard chunin uniform. The pants were standard issue and she had taken to wrapping the lower part of her legs like she did in her anbu uniform. For a shirt she wore a tight fitting t-shirt in breathable material and a high neckline, although not quite as high as in her anbu undershirt. Her hair had grown long over the years and Sakura only wore it loose when she was home. When she was training it was in a high ponytail and when she was on a mission she always put it in a tight bun or braid, making sure it would always be out of the way. It had been years since Sakura had taken to this look and while it was simple, she rather liked it. The tight shirt and the pants felt familiar due to their similarity to her uniform and they were flattering enough on her that no one raised any questions. Or, at least until very recently. 

Sakura had noticed over the last few weeks how the people around her, who were her own age, had all settled into a personal style which stood out compared to the previous generation of shinobi of Konoha. Ino had taken to wearing long skirts and cropped tops that somehow still allowed her to move freely and Tenten had taken to the fashion of her adopted mothers heritage, donning fiery colours that really matched quite well with her personality. Lee, of course, was always dressed in his green suit but even Kiba had developed a certain style that complimented not only his fighting style but also his personality. Sakura was, aparat from Shikamaru, the only person who wore the chunin uniform daily and people were starting to notice. As Yugao got closer and sat down beside her, Sakura couldn’t help but think that she herself really looked more like someone from Yugao’s generation than her own. 

The previous generation of shinobi had not had it as easy as Sakura’s and it showed. It was so incredibly rare to see someone of Yugao’s age dressed in anything but uniform, because these people had joined the forces as children in the middle of a war. They had been wearing that uniform for so long that it was a part of them now. Perhaps there was also just a sense of security in always being prepared and that was something Sakura would never judge them for, seeing as she herself slept with no less than 3 weapons within reach. 

The approaching woman, oblivious to Sakura’s wandering mind, let her shoulder bump against Sakura’s. “Happy birthday.”

Sakura made a confused grimase at her friends and finished with her wrappings. “It's not my birthday.” she protested. “That was months ago now.”

“I know but I didn't get you a present back then so let's call it a belated gift.”

“What gift?”

Yugao got to her feet, hands on her hips and an excited sparkle in her eyes that Sakura had come to fear over the years. “Come on, I'll show you.”

Knowing better than to put up a fight, Sakura got up with a defeated and ever so slightly doubtful sigh. “Okay.”

“Don’t sound so suspicious,” Yugao immediately complained although her voice stayed annoyingly playful.  

“Last time you gave me a birthday gift both Genma and I ended up in the hospital,” Sakura said with a raised brow but Yugao quickly brushed her off.

“Details.”

Sakura swung out and missed Yugao’s shoulder by a millimetre. “Important details!”

“We are just getting you some new friends, that's all!”

That stopped Sakura’s train of thought and the second punch she had been preparing with a dizzying speed. “New friends?”

Yugao turned around to face Sakura with a smile so wide it lit up her entire face. “Summons!”

“Summons?”

“Yes,” Yugao responded with a cheeky wink, clearly taking way too much pleasure in Sakura’s growing confusion. 

Sakura opened and closed her mouth several times, not knowing what to say. “How?”

“Well come along and I'll show you!” Yugao teased, taking Sakura’s hand and dragging her along. “ Seriously, don’t be weird, why are you acting weird? This is a good thing Pinky!”

“I don’t know, I just thought summons were super rare and exclusive to like, clan heads and stuff.” 

The teasing and playful act Yugao carried herself with was replaced with the well known gentle kindness Sakura was intimately familiar with from the elder. “I’ll admit, summons have become more uncommon with time and the clans did have something to do with it, but mostly, summons just aren’t that popular with regular shinobi due to the amount of training it takes to keep them. And yes, the most powerful summons do belong to the clan families and the three Sannin, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of useful summons.” It wasn’t a complete explanation but the addition of information still calmed Sakura down a little and let her mind clear. 

“So how do I get these summons?” Sakura asked. She had only ever known of a few people who utilised summons and it was fair to say that Tsunade was the only really positive experience. Kakashi had once used his ninken to train Team 7 in a break neck game of tag, but other than that Sakura only had Jiraiya, a pervert, and Orochimaru, a maniac, to compare the existence of summons to. 

“There are different methods, some get the contact passed down to them as a form of inheritance, some train the animals they want to work with, and others try to get access to the summonings realm to prove themselves worthy of a contact,” Yugao continued easily like it was the most normal thing in the world she was saying and Sakura was honestly only getting more and more suspicious and confused. 

“And which one do you want me to do?”

Yugao’s face broke into a giant and slightly frightening smile. “Well you, my lucky little pink friend, are getting clan summons.” 

Sakura stumbled. “What?”

Yugao simply shrugged and turned to keep walking. “Don’t question me when I do you favours you didn’t ask for, just be grateful, you brat.”

Despite her trained ability to stay calm, Sakura’s heart had started pounding in her chest. “I’m grateful but I would like an explanation.” 

“In a second,” Yugao brushed Sakura off before she stopped and looked around. “Ah, there he is.” 

“Who,” Sakura asked as she caught up to her friend. Just then she saw a man in standart uniform walking closer to them from inside of the woods and Sakura couldn’t help but feel that she had seen him somewhere before.

“Sakura, meet Gekko Hayate. Well, meet him again,” Yugao introduced the two of them once the man had gotten close enough.

Sakura blinked, confused, but greeted him non the less. “Hayate-san.” 

Hayate coughed but smiled. “Pink. I haven’t seen you since you got knocked out at your chunin exams.”

Sakura couldn’t help a small laugh, put at ease by the Hayate’s laid back persona and greeting. “Damn it, there goes the good first impression.” 

Hayate snorted and looked at Yugao who was standing looking way too proud, “Yeah I get what you said, I think they will like her.” 

Yugao smiled and wiggled her brows teasingly. “Told you so.” 

Sakura looked between the two. “Who will like me?”
Hayate coughed again before he answered. “Well, hopefully a few of my family summons.”

Sakura blinked, opening her mouth several times before she managed an answer. “Excuse me?”

“Don’t look so offended,” Yugao said and smacked Sakura on the shoulder playfully but Hayate was quick to offer a real explanation.

“There are very few members of the Gekko clan left and we have a lot of summons under contract. Part of the agreement we have with them is that we will find people to pass the contract on to when they no longer have a Hayate shinobi to work with.”

“Well shit.” Sakura mumbled dumbfounded. It sounded like a big deal. It probably was a really big deal.

“Yeah that’s about right,” Hayate responded with a somewhat sympathetic smile. At least he seemed to understand the level of overwhelming that this was for Sakura even if he was also looking like he found Sakura’s shock entertaining.  

Yugao stepped closer to Sakura and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a comforting squeeze. “I'll be leaving you to Hayate's gentle mercies then. Come find me when it's all over.”

“Well that sounds comforting,” Sakura mumbled as she watched Yugao skip away and then hurried to follow Hayate who had started walking back into the forest where he had come from. 

The two of them walked in silence for a while as they trekked through the forest.

“Okay so what is this all about exactly?” Sakura asked, putting one foot in front of the other along the precariously small path they quickly started following. The ground beneath her had started changing and the soft soil of the forest was replaced by rock and soon they were by the edge of a cliff, only a small trail leading them down the steep side. 

“It’s as I said. The Gekko clan is a small one but we happen to have a lot of summons under contract with the clan. They have been with my family for as long as my clan has been named Gekko and possibly even before that.”

“Can I ask what they are or is that rude?” Sakura questioned later and finally set her feet on flat ground as they reached the riverside. She only faintly recognised where they had arrived because while she had been here before, she had only ever travelled over this deep ravine which the river had created over thousands of years. She had never been down here at the bottom before and she was startled for a moment at how deep it really was. She had no doubt that after a heavy rain the water level of the river would rise and the modest exposed path they were walking along would be swallowed by the violent waters. 

Hayate laughed, his voice hoarse but still pleasant. “They are birds. The birds of paradise and birds of power.” 

Sakura’s mind was immediately filled with images of birds and feathers in all colours, but the only real thing her mind could conjure up which wasn’t pure imagination was the haunting sound of a thousand birds screeching. “I don’t think I've ever heard of them before.”

Hayate shrugged. “I doubt you have since they aren’t like usual groups of summons.”

“Huh?”

“Your sensei right out of the academy was Hataka, right?”

“Yes.” Sakura had an urge to roll her eyes. It seemed that no matter which step she took in her career, he was right there, not involved but somehow still a part of the conversation. But, Sakura caught herself in her negative train of thought and put a stop to it. She didn’t blame Kakashi for being a part of her past nor could she realistically hold it against him that she was following a path similar to his. Kakashi was, and had long been, one of the best shinobi in Konoha and as the years had passed, Sakura had slowly started to understand, or perhaps not quite understand, but her perspective of the man had shifted. Now, when Sakura looked back on her academy days, she had a feeling that no matter how bad her position had been, there was a very real likelihood that Kakashi’s had been worse. 

“Did you ever see his summons?” Hayate asked, interrupting Sakura’s train of thought. 

“Yes a few times. Dogs, right?” Sakura said, knowing full well that she had seen Hatake’s dogs on more than one occasion. Still, even to this day, talking about him still made Sakura feel weird. It wasn’t that she was still mad at him but more so that she didn’t know what to feel, yet she still felt enough that she couldn’t simply be indifferent. 

“Yes, exactly. Hatake trained each dog on his own and when he took them in, they were simply normal dogs and nothing more. What sets them aside from a well trained dog and a born summons is that Hatake got his hands on a scroll which gave him access to the summoning realm. The thing is, the summoning realm is a place where natural chakra is so concentrated that any animal who spends an extended amount of time there will be permanently altered by the influx of energy and their conscience will be greatly expanded. This is why Hatake’s dogs can talk and some of them can even manipulate chakra to an extent. Animals tied to this realm also live for a lot longer than any ordinary animal. The three great summons are said to be the only original summons and all others are said to have been added throughout history.”
“So these birds, they have been added to the realm by your family?” Sakura asked, slowly catching up to how this worked. 

“Exactly. The clan used to be huge and it was a rite of passage to train your own bird before working with a flock.”

“Am I going to be training a baby bird then?” Sakura asked, unable to hide the slight scepticism in her voice. With everything she had going on, taking care of a baby bird really wasn’t something she thought she could find time for.

Hayate coughed but this time Sakura had a sneaking suspicion that it was more so to hide a laugh than anything else. “Nah, there are so many damn birds under contract already that having you waste time training a chick would be stupid. We are going directly to the flock to see who wants to work with you.”

Relieved but still nervous enough for her stomach to turn, Sakura steeled herself, her eyes fixed on Hayate. “Okay. How does that work.”
“With this,” Hayate said and reached for one of the pouches fastened to his belt. Out of it he pulled the most ancient looking scroll Sakura had ever seen. The dark green was faded and the paper looked like it would tear any second. “Open it.” 

Sakura opened the scroll to find an even larger scroll sealed within. A dark ribbon held the giant scroll closed and along the length of it was printed “Birds of Paradise, Birds of Power”. 

Hayate crouched down next to her and gently reached out to run his hand along the scroll, caressing it. “This is the original summoning scroll connected to the clan contract. We are going to feed your chakra into it and see who responds.”

“Well shit, you make it sound really simple.” 

Hayate huffed a laugh. “It is.”
“But we don’t know who, if any, will react to my chakra?”

“Yeah that's the gist of it.”
Sakura couldn’t help but laugh at how simple yet extremely high stakes this all was. On one hand she was so excited about the prospect of having actual summons that she felt a little like she was about to vibrate out of her skin, but at the same time she felt horribly unprepared. It was like being a kid at the academy all over again being presented with a surprise test, only a million times worse. “Great.” 

“You’ll be fine,” 

“Why are we here anyways?” Sakura asked and gestured to their surroundings. 

“You know, thats a great fucking question and I’m sure there is a legitimate answer but I simply can’t remember. We always do the first summoning here but I can’t remember why.”
“Okay…”

“As I said, you’ll be fine.”

Sakura wanted to say something smart, something funny to lighten the increasingly heavy atmosphere which had settled around them but she couldn’t. She hated to admit it but she was almost scared and she felt horribly unprepared. 

Hayate left her where she was crouched in front of the giant scroll, stepping back slowly. “Now, relax. Take a few deep breaths and focus your chakra. When you feel confident in your focus, you need to cut open your palm and do the Kuchiyose no Jutsu while releasing your chakra into the scroll.” 

“It can’t be that simple,” Sakura murmured as she stared down at the scroll. Long lines of names were written onto the paper, the name Hayate repeated over and over again. 

“It is,” Hayate said reassuringly. “Take a few deep breaths and focus your chakra.”

Sakura did as she was told, closing her eyes as she breathed deeply. She could smell the water and the rocks that surrounded her. Even the scroll had a specific scent, like a library with its paper and dust. The faint hint of ink was different than she was used to and it only took her a moment to recognize the scent of old blood mixed into the ink. Slowly, and without rushing herself, Sakura let her chakra settle to a constant calm and then she riled it up, letting it fill her and settle in her core where it waited impatiently but under perfect control as always. 

“Do it. Cut your palm and do it now.”

With her eyes still closed, Sakura took a kunai from her thigh and sliced the skin of her palm open. Intently she felt the blood pool and drip. Then, with a deep breath, Sakura opened her eyes and slammed her palm onto the scroll.

“Kuchiyose no Jutsu!”

A heavy cloud exploded outwards from the scroll, filling the air with chakra loaded smoak and rendered Sakura practically blind as she stood in the middle of it. A whooshing sound broke the silence and the smoke was somehow cut , displaced by some power that Sakura couldn’t catch sight of even as her vision was cleared. A flash of pink caught her eye and for a split second Sakura thought she had caught sight of her own locks but it couldn’t have been. The flash had been too far away and had moved too fast. And then, as she turned to follow the flicker of pink, the smoke cleared and she saw them for the first time. 

On a large piece of rock protruding from the cliff face sat the largest eagle Sakura had ever seen, its majestic presence making her skin break out into goosebumps. But it wasn’t alone. On a large root which had broken through the rock and created a perch, sat two large black ravens, so black in fact that it was difficult to see where beak turned to feather and feather turned to claw.

And lastly, in the air around them and never touching down for more than a second at a time, were the flashes of pink that Sakura had caught out of the corner of her eye. Three small pink birds circled around the three other birds , flipping over in the air and bouncing almost playfully off of the cliff face. 

“Never mind the young ones,” the giant eagle spoke then, causing Sakura to shiver at the power of his voice. “If we wait with introductions until they have settled down we will be here for a few years at least.” 

“Oh. Yes,” Sakura said awkwardly. She had absolutely no idea what she was supposed to do here and while she was sure Hayate was still standing around somewhere behind her, he was no fucking help at all. She had a strong urge to kneel down but she didn’t. She wasn’t here as a servant or a child, she was here as a warrior and she would have to show her strength and conviction.

“State your name, child.” The eagle spoke again and Sakura squared her shoulders and faced the large bird head on. 

“I am Haruno Sakura!”

Sakura spoke the words with all of the strength and conviction that she could muster. It was almost a yell in the quiet valley but it felt right.

The eagle bowed its head and Sakura knew that she had done the right thing. “We greet you, Haruno Sakura. I am Ao, I shall lead your summons and heed your commands.”

“We are Huqin and Mujin,” The two ravens spoke as one, their voices so similar that Sakura wasn’t even sure that they didn’t actually share a voice. There was something haunting about them and they almost seemed more like shadows than actual birds.

Three pink flashes crossed her vision then and distracted her from the ravens. 

“We are Tori”

“And Tore”

“And Toru!”

The three little birds had voices like song, light and high pitched but sweet and youthful. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet all of you. I'm looking forward to working with you.” Sakura responded to them all and for all she wanted to show off her strength, she couldn’t help but smile. She felt so warm.

“Ah, I see you are youthful yet, my child,” Ao said and while there were no expressions to read, Sakura could hear that he was pleased with her. “As I said, I will lead your flock, but I also have the power to transport you in a way similar to the shinobi shunshin technique.” 

“Oh wow,” Sakura mumbled, shocked. From what little she knew, summons held very different levels of power but this was much more than she had ever expected. Now she just had to work on her shunshin because it was, in all honesty, shit. 

“The ravens, Huqin and Mujin, carry ink in their feathers which will with time merge with your chakra. They can create seals and you can use their ink for fuinjutsu.”

“If you are not yet proficient with the art, we will teach you,” the two ravens spoke up and Sakura smiled and thanked them, wondering if she would ever really get used to their voice. 

“The chicks will serve you well in the field. They are canaries and they can change their colours and replay what they hear in the voice of the speaker. Each of them will also be able to carry a poison of your choice in their feathers.”

Sakura had to stop herself from swearing. Already she had been surprised by the abilities of Ao, Huqin and Mujin, but the three canaries? They were practically made for the kind of work Sakura did. 

“That will be extremely helpful,” Sakura said in the general direction of the hyperactive flashes of pink. While they had slowed down a little, they were still moving constantly. “I’m in anbu so that will most certainly come in handy.”

Ao spread his massive wings and Sakura swore that she could feel the air charged with power. 

“Sign the contract, girl. We will serve you well.”

Signing the contract was almost anticlimactic compared to the rest of the ordeal. Sakura knelt down in front of the massive scroll and Hayate came forward holding a small vial of ink and a brush for Sakura to use. With careful strokes, Sakura signed her name onto the paper and she could feel the seal of the scroll pull her chakra down into the ink.

“Good,” Huqin and Mujin said in unison once she was done. They had gotten closer without her hearing as much as a rustle and Sakura startled at their sudden appearance. “Now we must train.”

“Train?”

“Yes!” The three canaries chimed in. “Learn to work together!” 

Sakura shrugged. “I guess that makes sense.” She was already a little tired from her earlier session at the training grounds but the adrenalin of the whole thing had revived her quite a bit. The river canyon was stretched out in front of them and Sakura could feel the excitement make her heart beat faster. She could do nothing to hide the little smirk on her lips. 

“First round. Your objective is to get to the end of the canyon without letting any of us make physical contact with you,” Ao spoke from his perch. He had yet to move but Sakura felt an overwhelming amount of anticipation for seeing his wings in their full glory. Ao’s wingspan had to be longer than Sakura was tall and easily so. 

“So we are playing catch?” Sakura said with a smile as she quickly did a few stretches with her legs. While she was in phenomenal shape and still had plenty of energy even though she had used a large portion of her chakra on the first summoning, she was also a professional and simply refused to get injured by not taking the opportunity to stretch. 

“Exactly,” Ao responded and Sakura felt that there was a dry sense of humour somewhere beneath that serious tone.

“Okay,” Sakura jumped in place a few times. “Let’s go!”

With a burst that left cracks in the stone beneath her feet, Sakura set off down the canyon along the river. She didn’t look back to see if she was being followed or if they were giving her a head start, but she knew that any attacks were likely to come from above. Focusing on her chakra, Sakura opened her senses and let her chakra settle around her like a bubble. She hadn’t gotten a solid read of her summons’ signatures, a rookie mistake really, but this would allow her to sense anything within a two metre radius. She ran on, keeping low to the ground as she skipped across water and rock, always going for the lowest point in the terrain and passing close by the high walls of the canyon and the boulders that littered the ground. She was used to relying on her smaller stature in her work but it wouldn’t serve her well here. Still, not knowing what to expect, she knew that her best chance was to play to her strengths until she had more knowledge, and blocking off her flanks by running between obstacles would limit the angles of attacks that her summons could use against her.

With a power she hadn’t expected, a flash of pink crossed right over her shoulder and Sakura nearly stumbled as she quickly diverted her path. 

“Fucking hell,” Sakura exclaimed as she picked up speed. She had felt the tiny flicker of chakra only in the exact moment that the tiny canary had passed her. 

“You must focus on your censoring abilities,” Ao’s calm voice sounded from above her just then, making Sakura duck and shift her path again, but the large eagle didn’t attack. “The canaries leave only very faint traces of chakra and they are incredibly fast.” 

Just then, Sakura sensed something closing in on her low to the ground and she jumped to the wall of the canyon and stuck to the rock, running horizontal to the river. Glancing down, Sakura saw Huqin and Mujin gliding on the air just above the river. 

Sakura cursed herself silently. She had judged the bird too quickly in thinking of them as birds only and not as intelligent summons. They knew that she would expect attacks from above. 

Sakura swore as three flashes of stone grey aimed straight for her legs and she had to throw herself off the canyon wall towards the river with no time to aim and her landing was off, sending her rolling across the ground for a painful second before she got her legs back under her and dash forward once more. 

“Remember,” the light voice of the canaries sounded right behind her, “we change colours.” 

Sakura could see the end of the canyon but with the three canaries literally right on her heels and the ravens nowhere to be seen, she was starting to doubt her ability to make it. Perhaps, if she could just make her moves unpredictable enough, she would be able to make it even if the birds all outpaced her. Sakura kept low as she bounced from the rocky path to the walls of the canyon, her eyes locked on to the end where the river cascaded into another waterfall. She was almost there. Giving it her all, Sakura ran but then a loud screech and a flash of pink and black caused Sakura instinctively to look up just as a sharp beak closed around her ankle. Sakura stumbled, falling face first into the river where the water quickly swallowed her up.

When Sakura finally heaved herself back up onto dry land, her summons were all perched on  rocks along the bank, watching her. 

“We are impressed, child. You made it much further than we had expected,” Ao said calmly.

Sakura pushed her dripping hair away from her face. “I didn’t make it to the end of the river.”

“We did not expect you to,” Ao responded.

“Rough edges,” the canaries cut it, “We like that!”

“What the chicks are saying is that we are impressed by your skill and see a great deal of potential in you. We look forward to training with you.”

“I.. Thank you,” Sakura said, her breath taken away by the honesty. She wasn’t really the emotional type, but for all of the trainers she had had over the years, none of them had been this forward with praise for her right off the bat. She had only just met them, but the summons trusted her. 

“Now,” The ravens spoke in unison, “Let us go again.”

_____

Sakura practically stumbled through the forest on the way back to the training grounds. She was beyond tired. What little chakra she had had left after her first summoning and the chase along the river, she had used to heal her body from the myriad of blooming bruises and cuts that had covered her body. The sun was setting in the distance and Sakura slowly walked on, motivated only by the thought of her soft bed and a shower. If she had had just a little less dignity she would have sat down right where she was for a nap. She was pretty sure no one would really blame her if she did decide to simply sit down for a nap but she was sure she would worry whoever found her. She looked about as busted as she felt. She was just about to give up when she felt a familiar pulse of chakra heading towards her. Sighing in relief, Sakura saw Genma and Yugao jogging towards her, both of them with big smiles on their faces. 

“Yo Pinky,” Genma said gently when he was close enough to slip an arm around her for support. 

“Looks like it was a success, huh?” Yugao teased with a wink but she was gentle when she helped Sakura climb onto Genma’s back.

Sakura groaned a little when Genma jumped to hike her up further on his back and Sakura could hear Yugao snicker from beside them. “Fuck, senpai, I never want another favour from you ever again.”

“Sure, kid. Let's just get you home for now, okay? You have a big day tomorrow.”
Forcing her eyes open, Sakura made a noise of question. 

When Genma answered, Sakura could feel the rumble of his voice and it was so soothing she felt herself relax back down against him. 

“It’s nothing for you to worry about at all, and especially not tonight. Yugao makes it sound so menacing but it’s just the commander who wants to see you tomorrow.”

“He can wait.” Sakura mumbled. 

She was fast asleep before they even made it to her apartment. 

Sakura woke up the next day with aches all over her body but a warm feeling in her chest. Genma and Yugao had taken her home and put her to bed and she was beyond thankful to the two of them. Her pouches and weapons were neatly lined up on her desk and Yugao had even left a note for her, telling her when the commander was expecting her. For a long while, Sakura just sat on her bed and thought about everything that had happened. After the betrayal, Sakura had been afraid that she would fall apart and never be the same, and in a way that had happened. No matter how good she felt now, Sakura knew that she would never again be the person she had been before she had been betrayed by those she had been closest to. But now, after having had time to breathe and knowing that the traitor was dead and having new allies by her side, summons no less, Sakura felt stronger than ever. It felt like in the time she had slept, her mind had put itself back together in a way she hadn’t imagined would be possible and she finally felt whole again, like she could take the next step and not stumble. 

The commander sat behind his desk, mask in place as always and stack papers next to him that rivalled the stacks Sakura often saw in Tsunade's office.

“Mouse,” the Commander greeted her as he put down his pen.

“Commander.” Sakura stood in her uniform and mask, her hair coloured black as it always was when she was in anbu. 

There was a moment of quiet where the Commander seemed to hesitate “Let me be frank. Do you still want to be Anbu?”

“Yes sir.” The words left Sakura without hesitation.

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t.. I can’t imagine doing anything else,” Sakura said and her hesitation this time was only due to confusion. What was the commander up to? Why was he asking these questions?
The commander breathed heavily. “I get that. However, we have regulations we need to follow when something like this happens. I have to ask.” 

This, Sakura thought. This. Betrayal. Murder. 

“You know,” The commander started, leaning back in his seat, “you were never meant to stay in demolition for as long as you did, but your results were outstanding and your growth as well. I had a few spots lined up for you throughout the years but I prioritise the happiness of my operatives and their continued growth. While I would have liked to have moved you to a different unit, you achieved a balance that the Hokage and I did not dare touch.”

“I appreciate that sir. I believe that I learned a lot and that demolition was good for my growth. 

“I agree. Mouse, you show an incredible amount of potential and while I would have liked to have moved you along earlier, I feel that now is really the perfect time after all. There is a team that has a spot for you open on rotation.”
Sakura tilted her head in question. She really wished that she could see the commander's face right now because there was something in his voice that she wouldn’t quite put her finger on. “Rotation, sir?”

“It’s a special team, this one, and because of their members and their special responsibilities, the team works on a rotation. While the team has more members than the average team, not all of them go on every mission and some of them routinely run solo missions. I want you to fill in while a specific member of this team is unavailable, and when you are off rotation, I have a special assignment for you which you will take on along with filling in at the hospital which is particularly understaffed at the moment.”

“If you feel this is right for me and where I am needed then I accept, sir.”

The commander leaned in over his table and Sakura had to brace herself to not take a step back. “I haven’t even given you the details yet.” 

“Sir?”

“You, anbu operative mouse, will be joining team Ro where you will be filling in for anbu operative Hound while he is unavailable for the team. Welcome to assassinations.”

Chapter Text

Sakura left the office nothing short of shell shocked. Team ro. She was joining team ro. 

The commander had even said something about a training period but Sakura hadn’t caught the details as her head had started spinning when receiving the specifics. Now that she had left the office there was simply no way she was going back to ask for the commander to repeat.  

Instead, Sakura left the hallway with the commander's office and set off in search of the lounge, hoping, praying, that she would find comfort in the form of a familiar face. 

To her luck, as soon as Sakura entered, she saw Genma lounging on a couch, his mask on the table in front of him and a report abandoned next to it in favour of the book he was lazily reading. 

Grateful that the lounge was almost empty, Sakura walked up to Genma quietly, her voice weak and shaky as she spoke. “Senpai.”

Genma looked up to her, his expression confused for a second before worry set in. Putting the book away, Genma sat up straight, his full attention on Sakura.
“Nezumi?”

Sakura didn’t know what to say or do. She just stood there stuttering while Genma looked increasingly more worried with each moment that passed, his hand inching instinctively towards his thigh holster. “Genma, I’m. We.. ”

Genma was off the couch in a flash, standing right in front of her and grasping her shoulders. “Holy shit, it's true!?” The worry was gone and pure joy glowed from the elder ninja.

“What?” Sakura said, confused, shaken out of her fear by Genma’s sudden change and her mind still working too slowly due to the shock of her new stationing. 

Genma leaned in close, smiling even as he whispered with surprise and joy clear on his face. “You’re on the team, aren’t you?”

Sakura could only nod. She was on the team. Yugao and Genma’s team. The top assassination team in all of Konoha. The elite of the elites. 

“Ha!” Genma basically yelled out loud, his head tipped back in pure joy, before he pulled Sakura close and lowered his voice once more as he hugged her so close that Sakura felt the air getting squeezed out of her. “I fucking knew it! The commander was being so weird last week, I knew he was up to something and I thought this might be it but I couldn't be sure!”

Sakura, who was happy to see Genma’s positive reaction, was still reeling from the news of it all and couldn't quite appreciate the level of glee Genma was experiencing. “Senpai, what the fuck.”

Genma roughly tussled Sakura’s hair before he once more put his arm around her. “Calm down, okay kid? It’s gonna be great. This is a good thing.”

“Really?” Sakura asked and the question was genuine.

Genma turned to look her directly in the eyes. “Really.”

“I’m freaking out a little.” Sakura whispered.

Genma snorted. “Yeah I can tell, it's cute tho.”

Sakura aimed a weak punch right at Genma’s gut. “Shut up.”

Genma took the punch with only a slight wince before he pulled Sakura closer to his side. “Nah, then I won't be able to answer all of your burning questions.”

“Fuck Genma, I can’t do this!”

Genma looked down at her before giving her shoulder a squeeze. “Okay, c’mon, let's go somewhere quiet.”

Genma led Sakura to one of the training rooms, quickly scribbling his and Sakura’s code names on the small chalkboard outside of the door to show that the room was occupied. 

“Okay let sit,” Genma said before he took a seat on the tatami mat. Sakura sat down too before she took off her mask. She wasn’t worried about anyone coming inside the training room as that was seen as a direct misconduct within anbu. Essentially, everything that went on behind any closed door within anbu HQ was confidential. It was simply easier that way, to make everything confidential unless otherwise explicitly stated, instead of the alternative. 

“Genma, I’m not an assassin,” Sakura said and practically felt herself deflate.

Genma shrugged. “I don’t know about that, I've heard a thing or two about what you can do when tasked to kill.”

Sakura had the urge to throw her mask at his face but she didn’t. “That’s different, Genma, and you know it! We were given the easy missions and there were even a few of those I had trouble with!” Sakura exclaimed. As much as Genma’s easy attitude helped keep her calm, it was also making her wanna punch him in the face. 

“That’s because you haven’t had the training yet, once you get that done you will fit right in, i promise!”

“Training?” Sakura asked, finally remembering that the commander had said something that she most definitely should have listened to with greater attention. 

Genma laughed lightly, his smile gentle and caring. “You think we were just gonna throw you in head first? Nah, we are going to make you bust your ass until we know you're ready to take on the task of being a team ro member.”

“So you don’t think I can do it.” Sakura said, partly honest and partly to tease. 

Genma stretched out a leg to kick Sakura in the shin but he missed. He hadn’t put in any real effort. “Shut it, that wasn’t what I said and you know it. This is no different from when you joined demo and you had to learn how they worked as a team. You joined Anbu through the backdoor so you never got to take any of the tests that usual recruits do, but every specialised team is allowed to put new recruits through a training period if they deem it necessary. On team ro we always have a training period.”

That put Sakura at ease. She remembered how many new things she had learned during her first few weeks of being on the demo team. Still, this felt different and Sakura knew that the stakes were much higher. “So it's not that you just don’t have any faith in me?”

“Stop sounding so insecure, it isn’t like you and it's giving me the creeps,” Genma said with a disgusted face. “Sakura, trust me. You are a brilliant operative and as your new teammate, I have no doubt that you will be an asset to the team.”

“Fine,” Sakura finally forced herself to push away most of her anxiety. If Genma had faith in her then she would believe in him and not let her fear stop her. “Tell me more about the training period then, old man.”

“Due to the nature of our work, team ro is designed to be in perfect synchronisation at all times,” he said. The fact that Genma ignored the teasing jab at his age showed how aware he was of Sakura’s general discomfort. “Like, we kill people for a living so most missions are pretty high stakes and don’t allow for a whole lot of team building. We have to do all of that before we leave base, so this training period is to teach you to be an efficient killer, which you already are, but also for us to get to know all your little tricks.” 

Sakura couldn’t help but pout a little at that. “You already know all of my little tricks, you taught them to me…”

“Oh don’t worry Sakura, we have lots of things to teach you still.”

Sakura sighed and let herself fall backwards onto her back, laying down on the mat and staring blankly up into the ceiling. She was still freaking out a little, Sakura couldn’t deny that fact, but she was also starting to feel a glimmer of excitement as she slowly started to let go of the initial fear. 

Huffing a sudden laughter, Sakura sprawled further into the starfish position on the mat. “Well, at least I won't be working with Hound since I'm joining the team as his replacement.” 

“Don’t celebrate just yet, kiddo, Hatake will likely be in charge of your training.”

And just like that, the fear was back. 

“Shit.”

Sakura sat on the floor of her small apartment with her anbu uniform laid out in front of her. In a few hours she would have to show up at HQ for her first meeting with her new team. It felt like the beginning of a whole new chapter of her life. Team ro really was something special and Sakura wasn’t in doubt for a moment that this was a promotion in all aspects. 

There were no other teams like team ro, even within anbu. Team ro was the best of the best within the ranks and that meant that the team dynamic was different. When Sakura had been on her demo team, she almost exclusively went on missions with them. Only a few times had she been sent on missions with other teams to function as a medic or with just one of her team members for a simple mission close to home. Even when they were on guard rotation in and around the village they did it all as a team. 

Team ro didn’t function like that. Team ro was essentially a team of individuals who came together to work as a specialised unit. That meant that members often worked as duos or took solo missions as required and that the team often had a fifth member. From what Sakura had been able to get out of Yugao, the fifth member was mostly there to fill in for one member of team ro. Hound. 

 Anbu operative Hound was a solo specialist and often took long term solo missions, missions that the rest of the team often didn’t know the nature of. 

Knowing who Hound was, it made sense. Sakura could see how valuable a man like Hatake Kakashi was for the village. Not only was he one of the best shinobi, probably in the world, but he also had the political power of being the last member of his clan and simply an incredibly talented man. Sakura even doubted that all of the missions Kakashi took as solo missions were anbu business, and found it very likely that he spent a relatively large portion of his time going on long term A-rank diplomatic missions. 

The thought of being on the same team as a person like that had the doubt crawling back up Sakura’s throat and that scared little girl she had been all those years ago slowly taking back over. 

But underneath the doubt and the fear and that strange but unrockable guilt there was also pride. Because no matter what anyone said, that scared little girl was the one who had made it this far. 

 She had proven herself and the commander saw potential in her. Now that fear was rooted in the fact that she only had to prove herself to her team, and perhaps that scared little 12 year old girl.

But really, Sakura had nothing left to prove. Everything she had wanted since she was a child was to be strong enough to protect those she cared about, to stand by their side instead of behind them. She was there now. She had been promoted to the top assassinations squad in anbu, she was teammates with the very shinobi who had taught her how to survive. She was the elite. 

Sakura checked and double checked everything.

She hadn’t been this nervous about anything since her very first day in anbu. Her uniform was clean, every buckle rinsed and shined ahead of this day. Her pouches were full, her new tanto was sharpened and the handle was perfectly wrapped. Her hair was soot black, coloured with anbu grade hair dye which left no scent behind. The haircolour was a step Sakura had been considering committing to for a while.

For years now she had been using a henge to hide her hair when in anbu but it was a hassle and even if it didn’t require much energy, she didn’t want to waste any. It was easier to simply henge her hair back to her natural pink when she wasn’t working.  She stopped changing her voice years ago. It stopped being a problem with the natural changes to her voice as she grew older. With the fact that none of her former classmates had made anbu yet and that all of her acquaintances in anbu didn’t really mingle with her generation, being caught was not much of a danger on a day to day basis. But never had Sakura been more afraid of being recognised than she was now. It was the root of her anxiety as she stood before the door into the training room she had been told to meet in. After years of barely seeing him, Sakura was about to train under Hatake Kakashi once more. 

Steadying her breath, Saura opened the door. 

Inside the room she first saw Genma and Yugao, both in uniform with their masks clipped to the side of their belts. Next she saw an unfamiliar mask, a man about the same height as Genma, and with short brown hair. Then she saw Hound, his mask in place and his characteristic white hair making her do a double take. However that was the only familiar thing about him. There was none of that slouch she had gotten used to in her younger years and instead he was standing tall, the uniform perfectly in place. 

The four were standing inside the room, talking in a relaxed manner, but when she opened the door, they all looked towards her. 

“Hello, I’m-”

“Nezumi chan!” Yugao squealed excitedly and ran towards her, embracing her in a tight hug. “Genma gave me the good news and I wanted so badly to go see you but Taichou called us in for a briefing!”

Sakura struggled in the tight hold. “Senpai-”

“Come, let’s get you introduced,” Yugao interrupted her again and grabbed her by the arm to drag her towards the small group. Any dignity Sakura had wanted to hold onto was slipping away fast and if she hadn’t been in the presence of her new team she would have punched Yugao to the ground.

“Team, this is operative mouse,” Yugao introduced Sakura excitedly.

Sakura did her best to stand tall and proud despite the fact that Yugao still had a secure hold on her arm. “It’s good to meet you all. I look forward to working with you.” She avoided looking in Kakashi’s direction. 

The unfamiliar man with the tiger mask reached up to remove his mask. He revealed a kind face as he clipped his mask to his belt. “I am operative Tora, co-captain of team ro. I have heard that you are familiar with both Genma and Yugao, and this is Operative Hound, my co-captain.”

Sakura had to strain herself not to stare at Kakashi as she was forced to look in his direction. He didn’t take his mask off like Tora had, but he gave a nod at his introduction. 

“We have all been given strict orders from both the commander and the Hokage that you are under mask mandate and that we are forbidden from doing anything that might reveal your identity to us. Unless you prefer otherwise we will therefore call you by your codename at all times.” Tora said politely. 

“Good thing that “Nezumi chan” suits you so well,” Genma said with a wink. 

Sakura ignored Genma's teasing. “Thank you, Taichou.”

“You can call me Tenzo.” 

“How long have you been an operative?” Hound suddenly asked and Sakura nearly flinched. His voice was the same and for some reason that unsettled her a bit. 

“Oh, about 4 years,” Sakura said and was instantly frustrated with the uncertainty that had been obvious in her voice. 

Kakashi didn’t acknowledge the little slip in her composure as his eyes, one dark one strikingly red, stared at her through the slits in his mask. “And what is your experience level with assassination missions?”

Sakura took a composed breath and was thankful for her mask and the fact that more so than hiding her features and identity, it was hiding her nervousness. “Not that great to be honest. I took a few missions with my former team, but we were a demo team. We usually cleaned up after the fact.”

Kakashi gave a short nod. “Good, gives us a clean slate. Let's get started.”

Tenzo stepped closer, clearly taking over the conversation. “This is your formal welcome to the assassination squad. There are two kill squads in Anbu at all times, but for the last few months, both teams have been a man down, and like the rest of Konoha, we have been working at half capacity. Not just anyone can adapt to being a member of a kill squad and it is important that you understand that you are here on a probationary basis and that if you at any point fail to adapt, you are off the team and a following psych eval will determine your future in anbu.”

Sakura took in every word like a woman starved, committing each syllable to her memory. The way Tenzo spoke was calm yet there was an intensity to the situation that Sakura couldn’t shake and it swallowed her up. Kakashi’s presence was suddenly much less important to her as she had something to focus on, a new goal to work towards. 

“First off, a bit of basics about what we do here in assassination. Contrary to the name, the majority of our missions as a kill squad are recon and surveillance based. Basically, Konoha sends us out to keep an eye on people who might cause trouble or who have the power to fuck shit up. We watch them and intervene if they decide to choose wrong. a large number of our missions don’t result in a kill. We are the last line of defense in that way, and how Konoha prepares for the worst outcome imaginable, no matter how unlikely it might be,” Tenzo explained, his voice calm in an almost flat way and Sakura had a strange feeling that this man seemed as if born for anbu. Cold, but not without passion.

“So if a merchant from Kiri decides to meet up with a weapons dealer from the boarder lands, they might just be getting tea but in the event that they are trading bombs, we have to be there,” Genma added with a wink. 

Sakura rolled her eyes at her senpai but was glad for the way he had lessened the tension within the small semi-circle they were standing in. “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best?”

Genma grinned in response. “That’s the motto.”

Tenzo, and the rest of the team for that matter, seemed used to Genma’s particular brand of crazy and continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “Now, when the worst does happen and we have to intervene, we have to make sure that the kill can’t be traced, either to a hit at all, or if that isn’t possible, to whoever ordered the hit.”

Sakura gave a short nod. “Makes sense.”

“That is where the special training and innovation workshop comes in.”

“Huh?” Sakura tilted her head, confused at the particular wording. She had expected to be tested and trained, but the word innovation wasn’t one you often heard in relation to specialised teams. Sure there were teams that experimented but the elite had a tried and true way of doing things, a failsafe blueprint to follow. Or so she had thought, at least. 

Yugao gave Sakura an understanding smile. “Like any other anbu team, we don’t often see action since we also have basic rotation and guard duty,  but we need to get you up to speed and get you used to our styles. But more than that, we need to be aware of every single method you have at your disposal when it comes to completing a hit.”

Tenzo who had been looking at Yugao looked back at Sakura. “And that we are going to give you more ways to do it.”

“Oh.” excitement sparked in Sakura’s blood.

Genma, stupidly relaxed as ever, simply shrugged. “Yeah it’s a different mindset that you work with here on this team. So far, your shinobi training has been focused on winning the fight. Here we have to win before the fight even begins. Are you ready for that?”

Sakura didn’t know what she had expected from the workshop, but she hadn’t expected that the first half hour would pass with her bent over a piece of paper, writing down every possible way that she could complete a hit based on every different parameter. By the end the list was extensive but by the sigh from Genma, it wasn’t long enough. Kakashi, who had been eerily quiet, a good thing since it made it easier for Sakura to ignore him even if she was constantly aware of his presence, had taken the finished list from her and spent a few minutes reading it through before he had put it back down. The mere proximity had made Sakura feel jittery and she felt almost nauseous as he had stood next to her.

“Some of these are interesting but almost all of them can be improved upon,” Kakashi said while his eyes scanned what Sakura had written once more. 

“Okay?” Sakura responded, not sure what to do or what Kakashi was expecting of her. What was really throwing her was that he wasn’t outright dismissive like she had been used to. Yes, he had been quiet during the introduction and let the other members do the talking, but now he seemed to take over the active role. In fact, Tenzo and Yugao had gone to the opposite side of the room and were going through katas, leaving Sakura with Genma and Kakashi. Sakura felt like she was about to vibrate out of her skin and for all she felt like nothing was even real in that moment, her heart was calm and her body didn’t show signs of her internal battle. You simply couldn’t call yourself an anbu agent if you weren’t able to control your heart rate and any iryo-nin worth their skin could control their own body enough to keep cold-sweat and nervous tremors at bay. 

“You wrote that you can induce a heart attack?” Kakashi said, pulling Sakura from her thoughts. 

Sakura cleared her throat. “Yes, well in theory, I haven’t actually done it but it is pretty simple with medical ninjutsu.”

“Okay, let's start there.” Kakashi said, and in a move that for some reason made Sakura feel like she was about to have a heart attack, he pulled out a chair and sat down at the other side of the table, looking at her intently. “Are you comfortable using medical ninjutsu to kill?”

The question gave Sakura pause, as she took a second to think it over. “I guess? Should I not be?” She responded after a short while. She wasn’t entirely sure what was meant by the question and after considering it, she hadn’t been able to think of any limitations in her abilities with medical ninjutsu that would limit her ability to do so.

“That's not a question for me to answer but the medical core does usually take pride in their code of ‘do no harm’.” 

Ah, Sakura thought to herself as she took a deep breath. Every initiated medic of Konoha had taken a vow to do no harm and to always protect their patient, putting aside anything that might hinder them from doing so. But Sakura had never been an initiated member of the medical corp nor a fully registered healer at the Hospital. Even during her time working there, and in the official paperwork meant to hide that Sakura was in anbu, Sakura had only ever been registered as a medical researcher.

Sakura looked at Kakashi with an honesty she wouldn't have thought herself capable of just months prior. “I guess they do and I fully understand it. But I went into anbu because I want to get ahead of the problem. If performing a hit in any way possible will somehow lead to a conflict never even getting started, then I don’t have any moral qualms about it.”

Kakashi just looked at her for a long moment, his eyes searching hers. “I can respect that.” He paused for a moment. “Then I think we should start with your unique abilities in this field. Not many have the chakra control it takes to perform medical ninjutsu and I think this is a very good opportunity for you as an assassin,” Kakashi said and for all his voice was calm and flat, there was something there in the way he said it that made Sakura feel like he really did find it intriguing.

“I suppose.”

“We are going to test your abilities for the rest of the day but over the next few days, I want you to think about how your medical skills might be able to translate into killing instead of saving. You don’t have to perfect the techniques or anything, but spend some time thinking about the possibilities.”

And test her they did. And Sakura really understood how important her new training was. As she aimed senbon at a target and snuck up on shadow clones to perform silent death grips and chokeholds on them, she realised just how basic most of her techniques were and the fact that all of them were some that she had learned from other anbu operatives, mostly Genma and Yugao. Sakura was good and she could see that she was impressing her new teammates, but it was also obvious that Genma and Yugao hadn’t taught her everything they had at their disposal. That part in particular made the training thrilling. Each time Tenzo stepped in to correct Sakura in something, she didn’t feel shamed or chastised in any way, instead she felt the thrill of learning in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time. 

What really blew Sakura away was Kakashi. 

Kakashi was deadly. 

Logically, Sakura had always known that Kakashi was talented but seeing him move was something different. The way Kakashi moved as he demonstrated how Sakura could better use her smaller stature to her advantage over a larger foe was unlike anything Sakura had ever seen. Each move was precise but it was also somehow reckless in a way she hadn’t expected. There was nothing clean about the way Kakashi fought even if every move was done with the utmost precision and Sakura couldn’t quite make sense of what she was seeing. Kakashi was all clean lines while also being rugged and unpredictable. He was truly everything Sakura had ever expected from the best of the best. It was tantalising to watch Kakashi’s demonstration and see how he at once preserved his energy in a way that was clearly learned through experience and also went for the ‘kill’ without hesitation. 

As the hours ticked by like they were only minutes, Sakura had to admit that she had been wrong. Kakashi was not a horrible teacher. Kakashi was an amazing teacher as he gave her critical yet fair feedback on her work and drilled Sakura on the specific formations she had to memorise. Kakashi was cold, yes, but he was really teaching her for the first time ever and despite everything that had happened since they had been on a team all those years ago, Sakura felt a small part of herself heal. It probably wasn’t fair, in all honesty, but Sakura soaked it all up anyways. Despite all the times she had told herself that she had put her time on team 7 behind her and that she had no ill feeling towards her former sensei, she couldn’t deny what she was feeling in that moment. She had still been craving some of this validation, and although Kakashi had no idea that it was Sakura behind the mask, Sakura felt her 12 years old self heal just a little. 

Sakura sat down at her small kitchen table with a pot of tea and a blank piece of paper. How to kill . The thought circled her mind but no response came. After a long day of training with her new team she had been let go with her homework - figuring out how she could turn her unique skills into a weapon. The exhaustion from the day wasn’t exactly helping her focus but Sakura was determined to get started. She felt that she had something to prove, and she couldn’t lie to herself and say that Kakashi had nothing to do with it. 

Now that she was removed from the situation it seemed almost surrealistic that she had spent the day training with and being taught by Hatake Kakashi, a man she had actively avoided for years. 

For a moment Sakura wondered if it would have been different if she had not been hiding behind her mask, if she had shown up to her introduction as Haruno Sakura, former member of team 7. What would Kakashi have done then? Did he really have no idea that it was Sakura behind the mask of Nezumi? Sakura’s thoughts went in circles around the subject. She couldn’t imagine that Kakashi knew, or even had an idea of who she was. For all that Kakashi was a genius, Sakura had never heard talk of him being an unnaturally gifted sensor. Also, Kakashi had known Sakura as a pre teen, meaning that not only did she not look the same as she had then, but her chakra had naturally developed with her puberty, just like her voice had matured and even her scent had changed. 

It really wasn’t unrealistic that Kakashi didn’t recognise her or suspect her and that gave Sakura a sense of security. Despite the fact that Sakura was no longer a child who needed to be under mask mandate, she was still the hokage’s apprentice and most importantly, she liked being Nezumi. 

To Sakura, putting on the mask was a form of freedom. It had taken years and a lot of hard work, but Sakura had created a place for herself in the ninja world where there was no prejudice against her for her sex, hair colour, clan status, or her level compared to her former teammates. Nezumi was Sakura’s safeplace. A space where Sakura could be herself, as ironic as it was, and she had no plans of taking off the mask any time soon. 

With a frustrated sigh, Sakura got up and walked to her bookshelf where she took down a well read and very worn copy of Basic Anatomy – A Healers Guide. It was one of the first books on medical ninjutsu Tsunade had ever given her. Opening the book to the very first chapter, she saw a complete map of the human anatomy that she had spent so long studying many years ago. She knew it by heart now. Nearves, muscles, blood vessels, bones, all were laid out before her and all of it was intimately familiar to her. She couldn’t even count the number of times she had healed each aspect of these in both shinobi and civilians. And the reality was that as she stared down at the picture, she knew that only her own limits would set a boundary for how she could do the opposite.

How easy wouldn’t it be for her to send a small pulse of chakra into an unsuspecting body and force blood cells to merge and form a clot that would slowly travel to the person's heart. How easy wouldn’t it be for her to sever the nerves in the neck of an unconscious foe. If she could get sustained physical contact with an enemy, it would not be difficult at all for her to penetrate directly into their cells and force them to mutate. An aneurism was only a small pulse of chakra away. 

Sakura would never need poison or a blade if only she could just get close. 

By the time the sun came up, Sakura had filled several sheets of paper with methods she had at her disposal. The common factor was frightening. If she could touch someone, she could kill them.

Chapter Text

“We created a monster.” 

Yugao gave Genma what was perhaps the most deadpan look in all of existence. “I think you’re giving us too much credit here. Personally I would blame this on Tsunade-sama.”

Sakura chuckled from where she was sat on the floor of team ro’s training room. They were waiting for the two captains to show up for training (they had been called in for a meeting according to Genma) and Sakura had taken the chance to show her list to Yugao and Genma. Partially because she was proud of her end-result, but also because she wanted to show the list to someone else before she handed it over to Kakashi. For all she knew, the list could have been too simple or even straight-up disappointing, and letting two of her oldest friends take a look first felt like a much safer choice. It would seem however that she hadn’t needed to worry because both of them seemed genuinely shocked at what Sakura claimed she would be able to do. 

“I don’t know, senpai, I would say that being taught assasination techniques at 12 years old definitely had something to do with me ending up here.”

Genma gestured wildly. “See?!”

Yugao handed Sakura back the list and waved a dismissing hand at Genma. “Shush, I distinctly remember telling you at 12 to release the chokehold before your opponent stopped breathing, so that doesn’t count.”

“Yes it does,” Genma and Sakura said at once.

From years of knowing the two of them, Sakura really shouldn’t have been surprised that a small wrestling match broke out between Yugao and Genma as a result of their different opinions. Sakura stayed safe from it, seated on the floor and slowly stretching to prepare her body for another day of training. 

Perhaps it was odd that all of them enjoyed a fight so much that even in moments like this, grappling on the floor was as good as any other entertainment. For all they knew, a fight would be how they would all die in the end and more than anything else, fights should probably have scared them or at least been something they handled with respect, just like Sakura knew that the northern Samurai did. But fighting was what they knew, it was the one constant in their life and the thing that gave them a purpose. Being a ninja meant that they spoke with their bodies more often than words, that they lived for the movements they had bled for. Sakura was even a prime example. She had lost everyone in her team to fighting, yet here she was, laughing and fighting once more because it was who she was and likely who she would always be. 

Genma had just gotten Yugao into a mean headlock when the door to the room opened and all three of them turned their heads to look at the newcomer. 

Tenzo was standing at the door, mask in place and his head ever so slightly tilted in question.

“And what is this?”

Instantly Genma and Yugao sprung apart and got to their feet. None of them were wearing masks anymore but that didn’t seem to bother them. In fact, Yugao and Genma both seemed to only wear their masks when they strictly had to. 

“Taicho, come see. You are gonna love this.” Yugao said and jogged the few steps to Sakura where she took the list and handed it to Tenzo.  “Where is Hound?”

“With the commander. He has another assignment to leave for later today.”

“Solo?” Genma asked casually. 

“I don't have any details.”

Yugao scuffed. ”Rude of him not to show up when Mouse completed her homework in such a stellar manner.”

Sakura would have sworn that her captain was rolling his eyes from behind his mask purely from the tone of his voice when he spoke. ”Go beat each other with a stick, would you?”

Gemma laughed loudly, head thrown back, but he and Yugao both took the hint and removed themselves to the other side of the room where they did indeed pick up a pair of practice swords and started the most unserious round of sparring Sakura had ever seen. 

”This list is impressive.” Tenzo said. His mask off and his face blank as always. Sakura doubted that there would ever be a day when she would be able to read her captain's face, yet she was sure there was something in Tenzo’s eyes right in that moment.

“It’s all just theoretical.”

”Is it?”

Sakura hesitated because technically, no. ”Well I've never done any of it.”

”But you could.” Tenzo said. It wasn’t a question.

”Yes.”

”And you have summons?” Tenzo asked, referring to the note Sakura had added to the bottom of her list.

”I do, but it’s a fairly recent development so I'm not confident in our teamwork in the field yet.”

“That’s wise of you. Keep me updated on the progress.”

Sakura gave a stern nod. ”Of course.” 

“Mouse,” Tenzo started slowly, and Sakura felt her anxiety rise at the shift in his tone of voice. “I have to ask, especially before anyone else sees this list. Is any of the information on here going to be revealing as to your identity?”

Sakura froze, her mind running a million miles a minute because fuck. The question could in theory be simple enough, a healthy dose of caution which Sakura felt was pretty standard for someone like Tenzo, but the implications were so much worse. The fact was, only one other person was ever going to see the list. Kakashi. So, Tenzo was worried that Kakashi might recognise something based on the skills she had listed. He couldn’t possibly know, could he? 

Sakura had never once used her medical skills outside of actual medical situations in the field and since most of her missions outside of anbu had been low-risk, she had never had to go full out in fighting, or healing when she hadn’t been working as an anbu operative. It was safe to say that no one knew just how good she truly was at iryo-ninjutsu and these days Sakura only ever sparred full out when she was in HQ, mask in place and hair soot black. 

“It doesn’t reveal anything.” Sakura finally said, her voice steady. “People do know that I have some abilities with iryo-ninjutsu but nothing more than passable. As of the moment you read the list, only five people including myself know that I have summons and four of us are in this room.”

Tenzo looked at her, his eyes calculating but all he gave was a nod, accepting her response. 

“All right. How do you propose we set about testing these new abilities of yours?”

Sakura grinned wickedly behind her mask. “I’m gonna need practice dummies and a lot of fish.”

Sakura was standing over a table in the training room three hours later in deep focus as she held a steady hand to the fish laid out on the table in front of her. It was knocked out but still alive. With a deep breath, Sakura pushed her chakra into the being, finding her target and letting her chakra give a violent burst. The fish died instantly as its heart gave out - choked out of rhythm. 

Sakura let out a heavy breath and repressed the urge to rip off her mask to wipe the sweat from her face. She had been working on the fish for about an hour and while she was happy to see that almost all of her theories held solid, turning medical ninjutsu into a weapon was still hard work. The level of precision she needed was extreme and she dreaded the fact that it would be even more difficult when working against the much more intricate system of a human as compared to that of a fish. 

The room was a mess to say the least. It reeked of dead fish and the first 2 times Sakura had tried to cause a heart attack the fish had just straight up exploded. There were fish guts everywhere . 

“Interesting training technique.”

Sakura turned her head and saw Kakashi. Because this wasn’t Hound. Hatake Kakashi stood there, mask off and a small smirk on his lips as he looked around the room. Her heart skipped a beat.

“I can’t exactly practice inducing a heart attack on my teammates, so fish it is.” 

Kakashi exhaled sharply through his nose. “Probably for the better.”

Sakura shrugged, a little thrown by how casual and friendly Kakashi was being. Had she just almost made him laugh?

“I read your list,” he said then. “It’s quite something.”

“It’s all theoretical really,” Sakura countered. “The blood clots work well in practice but people can survive those, especially since it only really works when I'm touching the part of the body where I want it to occur. Cell mutation is a bit of a bust, it’s a side effect of bad healing but pretty difficult to push to a substantial level and a decent healer would be able to detect it. Heart attacks," Sakura gestured to the fish on the table, “is difficult but it works, although I can’t be sure about the speed at which I can do it on a human.”

Kakashi seemed to consider this. “Give me a guess. More or less than 5 seconds?”

“2,” Sakura responded.

“Detectable?”

“No.”

Kakashi hummed.

“I'm working on a way that will allow me 2 seconds of uninterrupted touch but on the battlefield that won't be easy. With time I might be able to take a second off of the technique but until then I need a clean pass to make it work.”

Kakashi walked closer, his hands in his pockets and seemingly unbothered by the mess and the stench.

“How is your genjutsu?” Kakashi asked once he was next to her, his head tilted slightly. “I remember you from back then, you know, when I lent you my books on genjutsu.”

“I’m passable,” Sakura said and for all she had perfect control of her body, her heart still skipped a beat. “I studied those books like scripture but I've been busy. I mastered a few of the techniques but my repertoire is limited.”

For all Sakura felt like she was being picked apart beneath Kakashi’s gaze, his face didn’t give anything away. 

“Let’s work on it then.”

Sakura’s week of training was completed without much trouble .

Sakura had already known that she worked well with Genma and Yugao, and working with Tenzo was like working with a machine in the best possible way. Tenzo was efficiency and accuracy made human and Sakura had already come to admire this as a strength and was only excited to work under her new captain. Kakashi had left for a mission on the same day that he had worked with Sakura on her genjutsu and had yet to return, which was disappointing only for the fact that Sakura had now realised just how gifted Kakashi really was when it came to genjutsu. And it wasn't Sakura knew when to expect him back since the team wasn’t briefed on Kakashi’s solo missions. Still, this meant that Sakura hadn’t really had a chance to train with Kakashi in the same way she had with her other teammates and Sakura couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. This was stupid and Sakura knew it, because she had known all along that she wasn’t really meant to be working with Kakashi, but that the two of them essentially shared one spot, filling in when the other was away. 

The first official mission with her new team had Sakura feeling oddly calm, partially because they were simply doing a recon mission, and partly because she already felt like she fit so well with the team. As they prepared to head out, Genma kept trying to adjust Sakura’s uniform while joking that he had to make sure his kid was gonna be alright out in the big bad world. Yugao had joined in and demanded he give credit where credit was due and admit that Sakura was much more her kid than his. Even Tenzo had joined in on the jokes when Sakura had resorted to calling Genma and Yugao her “drunk uncle” and “seriously unwell older sister” respectively, and mumbled that if Sakura ever had enough of them he would help her hide the bodies. 

The mission itself went by without a hitch and practically before she even realised that she was finally running missions with team ro, they were back at HQ writing up their mission report. 

On the fifth mission with team ro, Sakura made her first kill as a part of the assassinations squad. The target was a weapons maker who had been living in Fire country for the last ten years but who had made some dangerous connections. Another team had been running surveillance on him for about a month and had discovered that he held an unfortunate amount of sensitive information. Once they had discovered his intentions to move to the hidden mist, team ro had been dispatched. 

The team traveled the distance in a tight formation, Sakura flanking Tenzo on the left as she kept her senses open for signs of movement in the forest around them. Once they arrived at their final location, Tenzo held his hand up in a fist, signaling for them all to stop in the treetops. 

“We are one kilometre out from the target,” Tenzo said quietly, his dark eyes looking ahead into the forest. “Tanuki, Neko, I want the two of you to take up watch along the perimeter on the east and west side. I will circle around with Tanuki and scout out the north perimeter.” 

Yugao and Genma both gave a short nod and then Tenzo looked at Sakura through the holes in his mask. He reached out a closed hand and Sakura held out her hand to receive a small flowerbud from her captain. 

“When we are in position and I have secured the northern perimeter this flower will unfold. This is your signal to move in on the target.”

Tenzo then gave Yugao and Genma similar flower buds. “Once the flower blooms the countdown begins and we meet back here in 5 minutes. Any movement beyond a 2 kilometers limit is acceptable but any closer and we regroup.”

Without another word, Genma, Tenzo, and Yugao all moved out with the same incredible speed they had been moving with on the way here and Sakura was left standing in the tree waiting for her signal. 

She felt ready, but not just that. No, Sakura felt right . Working with team ro felt so natural that it was strange to think that she was still new to the team. Maybe it was because Sakura had been training with Yugao and Genma for years but the whole team moved like a unit who had been working together for much longer than they really had. 

Years ago, Sakura would never have been able to imagine that she would be here, hidden in the treetops, clad in her anbu gear which felt like it was a part of her, her dark hair tied close to her head, and with a mission to kill. 

The flower unfurled in her hand then. Sakura took a deep breath and then she was off.

With silent steps, Sakura headed straight into the forest and quickly saw the small cabin before her. 

The structure was simple, a small wooden cabin with a detached workshop. Sakura let her chakra flow carefully but it was easy to feel the presence of her target in the main house. Landing silently on the ground at the back of the house, Sakura crouched down low and made her way to the closest window. Slowly she rose and made sure to stay out of sight. A quick look revealed that she was looking through the bedroom window and that the room on the other side was empty.

Drawing a small metal wire from her thigh holster, Sakura unlocked the window in just a few seconds and after checking for traps, pulled herself through the small opening. The door to the bedroom was left ajar and Sakura could hear the quiet sounds of someone moving about in the adjacent room. Each sound of movement was relaxed and unhurried and Sakura knew that her infiltration had been successful. The target had no idea that she was in his home, that his last hour had come and gone.

Sakura took a deep breath, grounded herself. And then she moved. In a flash she was through the door and across the small space between her and the target. There was no time for him to react, no sound to warn him and by the time he knew he was no longer alone, it was already too late.

Sakura was behind him in less than a second and with her new carefully practised accuracy she grabbed the man by the jaw from where she was standing behind him, silencing him as her second had wrapped around his body to press flat against his chest. He couldn’t fight against Sakura’s strength and even if he had been able to, he wouldn’t have had the time. Sakura sent a strong yet careful pulse of chakra through the hand she had pressed against his chest. 

1 second. 

2.

The target's body fell limp in her arms, dead from instant heart failure. 

Sakura let out a heavy breath but there was no time for her to slow down. Not yet. She still wasn’t done with her missions. 

Carefully she guided the target’s limp body to the floor where she laid him down before she took the sealing scroll from her tool pouch. 

Sakura knew that quite a few ninja had trouble with sealing scrolls and simply didn’t have the ability to activate them. The fuinjutsu was carefully crafted into the paper but activating it required a certain level of chakra control. For Sakura it was simple. It was like twisting a key that had already been placed in the lock for her. 

With the body carefully sealed away, Sakura backtracked her own steps, making sure she had left no sign of her presence behind. As she climbed out of the window she locked it behind her before she took to the trees. 

With each step she took, Sakura slowly began to come back into her body, her mind leaving that hyper focused space she entered whenever she had a mission. And as the tunnel vision cleared, Sakura realised that she felt positively giddy .

Barely a second passed after Sakura landed in the tree top before, silently as ever, Tenzo landed beside her, followed only a split second later by Yugao and Genma.

“Status.” Tenzo requested, his voice monotone even as it clearly passed through the mask over his face. 

“Mission success.”

“Like we expected anything else,” Genma broke the intense professional air that had surrounded them, his posture more relaxed and a smirk clear in his voice. 

Yugao almost instantly lashed out and landed a rather impressive punch on Genma’s shoulder. “Can you for once just try to stay professional?”

Genma snorted. “Not on a sleeper mission like this.”

“Sleeper mission?” Sakura responded and she knew Genma could practically hear her skeptical raised eyebrows. “I just induced a heart attack. Just because you were slacking off doesn’t mean we all were.”

Genma instantly perked up. “It worked?!”

“It did,” Sakura confirmed and for all she maintained her monotone voice, she couldn’t help but feel warm at the obvious pride Genma felt for her. “I know body retrieval wasn’t strictly necessary for this mission but I'm hoping to convince the Hokage to let me study the remains.”

This time it was Yugao who broke the careful volume with which they were speaking as she snorted loudly, obviously trying not to laugh.

“What?” Tenzo asked, his interest obviously peaked even if he didn’t seem too annoyed with the way his operatives were breaking countless protocols. Sakura was quickly learning that Team ro operated with a strict understanding of “time and place” - they were running missions so often that they had learned how to survive a life full of regulations and restrictions. Tenzo wasn’t going to give them grief about a bit of laughter when they were in an area that had already been scouted and secured. 

“Nothing,” Yugao said dismissively, not able to get into why she found it so funny that Sakura would not have problems with convincing the Hokage of her request.

“I say we head back and see if we can't celebrate this by getting a few drinks into Nezumi-chan before she eventually hides out in a lab to cut up bodies.” Genma said cheerfully, slinging an arm around Sakura’s shoulder and pulling her close.

Yugao was quick to agree. “You are full of good ideas” she said, causing Genma to face her, a finger pointed right in her face.

“I'll remember you said that.”

As the team returned to the village, Genma did indeed manage to drag them all to a small bar which was always open and generally popular with the shadow corp. Sakura, who was wearing a generic looking henge, had been there only a few times before with Yugao and Genma who had taken it upon themselves to teach her how to drink. Her old team had preferred another yet very similar bar.

Secretly, Sakura was relieved that she wouldn’t have to step foot into Ram’s favourite bar ever again if that was what she chose. Even walking past the bar still made her skin tingle and memories of late night conversations and the smell of smoke filled her mind.

But as Sakura settled into the booth and Yugao placed a generously filled cup in front of her, all thoughts of Ram left her mind. Even when Genma eventually pulled out a pack of cigarettes and smoke filled the air, all Sakura was thinking of was how much her belly hurt from laughter. Cups were emptied and filled as the team got progressively drunker and Sakura relaxed and even Tenzo let go of his captain role in favour of drunkenly slurring his words and leaning into whoever was closest.

At one point, Sakura looked up only to see Tenzo looking back at her with a drunken concentrated look on his face – his brows pulled low and his mouth pursed comically.

“What?” Sakura burst out, the alcohol in her blood making her loud and brave.

Tenzo grumbled something incomprehensible.

“Whaaaat?” Sakura asked again, leaning forward over the table until her hair, brown for the occasion, fell in front of her face.

“I’m a good captain.” Tenzo said with slurred conviction.

Yugao, who had pulled Sakura back and was in the middle of fixing her hair, turned to face Tenzo. “Are you having a self-confidence crisis?”

“No,” Tenzo protested. “I’m a good captain but now I can’t be polite to our new team member.”

“Hate to tell you, but you are always plenty polite,” Genma said matter of fact.

“No! It’s polite to ask questions in order to get to know each other but I can’t do that.” Tenzo slurred, looking more and more conflicted with each second.

“Taicho,” Yugao called sweetly. “There is plenty that we can tell you about Nezumi-chan without getting into confidential information.”

“We,” Genma hickuped, “We practically raised her!”

Sakura snorted into her drink. “Now you are just tooting your own horn.”

“Nuh-uh!” Yugao said, sounding scandalised. “You would have kicked the bucket long ago if it weren’t for us!”

Sakura leaned in to kiss Yugao on the cheek. “And I am forever grateful, Sensei.”

Yugao, who had initially blushed at the sweet gesture pulled a face of disgust. “Ugh, don’t call me that.”

There was a quiet chuckle from Tenzo, his cheeks flushed and a sweet smile on his lips.

“It’s good that you two know who Nezumi-chan is or Kakashi would have been crawling up the walls with paranoia just from not knowing anything about her.”

A second passed, then both Yugao and Genma howled with laughter and Sakura couldn’t help but laugh along with them.

Chapter Text

“So, how are you liking it on Team Ro?”

Sakura stood in the Commander's office in full gear, mask in place as always and her soot black hair carefully pulled back. He had called her in for a meeting.

The Commander himself was looking deceptively relaxed behind his desk but Sakura knew better than to think he wouldn’t always be battle ready in a split second.

“It’s an incredible team, sir. I’m honoured to be working with them.”

The Commander leaned further back in his seat and Sakura would once again have given everything to have been able to see his face and read his expressions, all hidden away behind the mask. “Your captain has nothing but praise for you as well.”

“Tenzou is a great captain.”

The Commander nodded. “That he is,” he agreed easily. “And you have been able to keep your identity under wraps?”

“Yes sir.”

“Do you intend for it to stay this way? It is up to you after all now. You are old enough to where you could have entered through the exams and half of your team already knows.”

Sakura was silent for a moment, surprised by the question. While the Commander had brought it up once before, Sakura had been under the assumption that the Commander and the Hokage alike both agreed that it was better for Sakura to stay anonymous. While she might not be a child anymore, she was still only 17 and her close relationship with the Hokage did make her a target. Furthermore, it was rare to have operatives who were truly as anonymous as Sakura and so far that had only been an asset.

“I don’t see any advantages in changing anything at the moment,” She said eventually.

The Commander sighed, causing Sakura to frown. Had he hoped that she would choose differently? It had been so long since Sakura had considered her options.

“Very well,” He said and sat up straight in his chair. “It is time for you to take up the special assignment we discussed previously. Operative Hound will be back on team Ro while you work this assignment.”

Sakura stood and waited for the Commander to speak and was surprised by the clear hesitation. It was almost like the Commander was stalling and Sakura felt the hair on her neck stand. Whatever was making the Commander uncomfortable could not be good for her.

“Sakura,” The Commander said and Sakura nearly jumped in surprise when he used her real name instead of her codename. “I have a very large amount of personal interest connected to the success of this project.”

Sakura frowned and quite honestly she was feeling a little uncomfortable. She had been sent on some bad missions before but none of them had resulted in this kind of reaction from the Commander. He didn’t seem scared, but strangely uncomfortable and Sakura really wanted to see what kind of face he was pulling behind the mask.

“I’m putting you in charge of a special two-man unit in which you will be responsible for a new recruit. The new recruit is under special circumstances not unlike yourself, however, he is highly specialised and it is required of him to complete a certain number of missions within ANBU.

Sakura was straight up pulling faces behind her mask at that point, and for all the times she had admired Tsunade’s ability to remain unreadable during strange situations in an attempt to learn how to do it herself, there was no way for Sakura to school her expressions at this point. Because as far as Sakura knew, and regularly spending time around the Hokage, who wasn’t particularly concerned with what Sakura might overhear, meant that she knew quite a lot. There wasn’t a singular position inside of Konoha that required someone to have prior experience within ANBU. Not even the role of Hokage had that requirement.

“While it is not a secret, it is a fact that very few are aware of, but ANBU was originally run by a single clan. While things have changed significantly since then, the clan still holds certain traditions centred around ANBU.”

Sakura gave a short nod to indicate that she was following, even if she was still as lost as ever. Sakura wouldn’t say that she was familiar with the clans' past, where the collective clan politics intertwined with the lives of civilians. All that she was starting to catch on to was that whatever task she was going to be asked to do was somehow extremely political.

Sakura had half a mind to dunk herself upside the head. Everything that had led her where she was now had technically started with clan politics, and the fact that she was one of the few in her generation from the academy who wasn’t protected by them. It was a major error on her part to not have spent more time getting acquainted with the specifics of each clan. While she might be much safer inside ANBU than as an untrained civilian-born chunin, much of that protection was due to the Commander and her connection to Tsunade, the last Senju.

Sakura was promptly kicked out of her own thoughts, ass over head, when the Commander spoke and shocked her straight past logic.
“Your new teammate is my nephew and the heir to the Aburame clan, Aburame Shino.”

Sakura’s jaw was hanging somewhere around her sternum because this would have been her last guess, and as much as she was internally scrambling for some protest to raise against the Commander's decision, he didn’t give her time to do so.

“Operative Chou, enter.”

And that was all the time Sakura had before the door opened and Aburame Shino entered the room. Except, Sakura would have never known that it was Shino who dutifully took his place beside her, facing the Commander, because he was dressed in full uniform and mask secured to his face. There was no recognition or familiarity in the way he stood facing his uncle, who was apparently an Aburame—Something Sakura was just going to ignore because she was sure that was quite literally one of the most classified pieces of information in Konoha.

“Operative Chou, this is your new teammate and captain, Nezumi. She will be responsible for finishing your ANBU training, and be in charge of your missions. Nezumi, congratulations on the promotion.”

Sakura just stared.

Her brain was short circuiting because this was just one shock too many in far too short a time frame. Sakura had never even considered making a run for Captain because she genuinely liked not being captain. Sakura thrived when she wasn’t the one with all of the responsibility. And yet, now here she was. 17 years old and Captain of an ANBU squad.

”The promotion is a bit out of the ordinary, but any ANBU squad must have a designated captain. I am, however, also of the opinion that you have all the necessary skills to captain your own unit, and if you like it, I have a team in mind for you when this posting is complete."

“No!” Sakura said instinctively and most definitely with a bit too much emotion. She quickly calmed herself and took a deep breath. “Respectfully, it is not a responsibility I wish to take on long-term. And if possible, I would prefer to return to team Ro after this assignment has been completed.”

The Commander leaned back in his chair and Sakura had a nagging feeling that he was amused. “Very well. The offer still stands, should you change your mind.”

”Thank you, Commander.”

”Now, I have just one other question for you, Nezumi. Seeing as the two of you will be working closely together for an extended period of time, and both of your involvement in ANBU is highly classified, I wish to propose a temporary cover story for the two of you.” The Commander leaned forward, arms planted on his desk and hands laced under his chin. “On record, the two of you would simply be running chunin missions together, as Shino is working towards Jounin status. However, as both of you would be named on the official records for the story to hold, Shino would be aware of your identity, Nezumi. Is this something you are willing to agree with?”
Sakura, who had already come to the conclusion of what the Commander was going to ask, took a second to think.

His previous question made sense now. First of all, Sakura could see that having the two of them use the same cover story made sense, especially seeing as Shino was a clan heir, and too many people kept an eye on his official records as a result of that.

Back when Sakura first joined ANBU, she wore the mask for her own safety, as even in Konoha, it had been dangerous to be young and talented, and her connection to the Hokage alone would have made her a target. But somewhere along the way, the mask, and the name Nezumi, had turned into a comfort, a way for Sakura herself to disconnect between who she was and who she was supposed to have been. There were so many expectations that came with being Haruno Sakura, and Nezumi had been her escape.

But Sakura wasn’t 13 anymore and while she was still on the younger end of the spectrum of ANBU agents, she wasn't the youngest by far anymore, with the age limit for ANBU set at 16. And despite the pain that had followed, Sakura would never forget the relief of when team Toad had finally known her secret—the moment she no longer had to hide.

For so long, Sakura’s feelings about her secret identity had been mixed, because she knew that the dichotomy between who she was and who people thought Sakura was, was really only because of the secret she upheld. Sakura could come clean and be known for who she was—a fighter and an ANBU operative. But Sakura still didn’t know how she felt about Kakashi knowing. There was too much on the line when it came to him. Too much fear and uncertainty and the fact that Sakura increasingly felt like she was lying, but there was also so much to lose in the relationship they were building as teammates now.

As Sakura stood there in the office, 17 years old and once more faced with a promotion she hadn’t asked for, it was clear how much she had changed. All of those years ago, Sakura hadn’t been ready. She had been held back both by herself and her circumstances. So much had changed since then. Now, Sakura really was ready, even if she didn’t particularly want it. The only one with the power to hold her back was, for once, herself. And so, even if Kakashi still presented a bit of a dilemma, Sakura was ready to be done hiding who she was, and perhaps this was a good first step.

In the end it was easy, the way Sakura reached up, hand finding the smooth edge of her mask and pulled it away as she looked to the side to meet Shino’s eye.
Finally, because in for a penny, in for a pound, Sakura applied her daily henge of her naturally pink locks and smiled, “Hello, Shino.”

Sakura and Shino had been given their own room just like any other ANBU unit, so despite the fact that their team was wrapped up in several yards of red tape, it all felt very official.

Once the two of them stepped inside, Sakura removed her mask once more, although she kept her hair black instead of adding the pink henge. Shino already knew who she was so there was no use in reversing her dyed hair.

Shino, who stepped inside of the room right behind her, followed her example as soon as the door closed, and Sakura realised that this was the first time she had ever seen his face entirely uncovered. Sakura found that Shino had surprisingly sharp features and was honestly quite handsome.

"Welcome to ANBU, Shino," Sakura said as she lazily sat down on one of the old chairs in the small room.

Shino sat down with much more decorum. "Thank you, Taicho."

"Urhg, no," Sakura protested, horrified. "Nezumi is fine, or just Sakura when we are alone."

Shino's blank expression didn't change despite Sakura's protest. "But you are my captain. It is only right that i show you due respect."

Sakura pulled a face which very much disagreed with her new promotion. "At least call me Sakura when we are alone in here, please," she near begged.

"Okay then," Shino relented, "if you insist."

"I do," Sakura breathed heavily. it felt wrong to be on the receiving end of such reverence.

However, Sakura's dramatic antics managed to lift most of the weird tension in the room and Shino seemed to relax.

"I didn't know you were in ANBU," he asked after a short moment. "How long have you been an operative, if I may ask?"

"I joined when I was 13," Sakura said with an easy smile. "And you can ask whatever you want, I guess. My biggest secret is my identity and you already know that one."

"So the fact that everyone thinks that you work at the hospital lab is what?"

"A very good cover story," Sakura smiled cheekily. "Especially since i do occasionally take shifts at the hospital."

"That is very impressive."

"Thank you," Sakura said and then sat up straight because it was officially time to get down to business. She might not want to be Captain, but she was going to do it right. "Now, what can you tell me about what you are doing in ANBU? All i got from the Commander is that it's political as all hell, and that you are here for a limited time only."

Shino laughed at that, and Sakura was pretty sure this was the first time she had ever seen him laugh. They might have only spent minutes in each other's company, but Sakura could already feel the bond of kinship forming between them, as she was sure Shino spent about as much time hiding in public as she did.

"Yes," Shino said with an actual smile, "as the heir to the clan, it is customary that I serve in the ranks before I turn to my other duties, and take over the responsibilities of the clan head.

"And the Commander said that you are specialized in a specific field?"

"Yes. My clan technique is specialised in tracking and surveillance."

Sakura nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that makes sense then," she commented both to herself and to Shino. "I'm currently a member of team Ro, so the Commander probably wanted you to work with someone familiar with the work, but who can also provide protection for you as the clan heir."

"You mentioned that you work at the hospital?" Shino asked.

"Yes, I really did train under the Hokage and am very capable with iryo-ninjutsu," Sakura explained. "So while officially I am your captain, a very large part of my role here is to play bodyguard."

"I'm putting my faith in you," Shino said, and the respect he already had for her was so clear in his eyes and the tone of his voice. There was no doubt, no questions or concerns. Shino, who was as good as royalty in the eyes of the village, trusted Sakura to be the strongest in the room, civilian born and all, and for the first time ever, Sakura fully believed it too.

After the short few days which Sakura and Shino had spent locked up in their team room, working on sign language and formations, Sakura wasn't at all surprised by how well the two of them worked together. The two of them were quickly shaping up to be something of a dream team, and even Sakura had to be impressed with how their mission record was shaping up.

Admittedly, it had taken Sakura a few days to get comfortable with Shino's bugs, as well as getting used to how they altered his fighting style, but after the first few practice sessions, everything went swimmingly.

Shino had settled into ANBU incredibly well, and he followed all of Sakura's orders without the shadow of a protest.

It also quickly became clear exactly why the Aburame were so deeply involved with ANBU when Sakura got to see what Shino could really do, with his small army of bugs. Frankly, it was a little terrifying and, honestly, quite unfair just how useful Shino's tracker bugs were.

As a result of the good teamwork, their record was spotless so far. Even if the missions they were being sent on were relatively low risk, the intel they had collected was incredibly valuable. The missions also worked out incredibly well for Sakura as she finally had missions where the risks were low enough that she could use her summons. With their missions focused on tracking and intel, Sakura was slowly implementing her summons, mainly the canaries, into low risk tasks, such as simply following her while staying out of sight, or acting as lookout while Shino and she rested.

Embarrassingly, it had taken a very stern talking to for Tori, Tore, and Toru, the three canaries, to understand that Shino's bugs were not to be snacked on under any circumstances, and while they seemed to have understood the message, Sakura was still careful to only use them when Shino didn't have bugs deployed in the immediate area.

Surveillance, tracking and intel gathering missions of the low-risk variety, usually just meant that Shino and Sakura spent days on end camping out in the woods, while Shino used his bugs to track their target's movements. This left a lot of time for conversations. As a result, Sakura and Shino got a lot closer than Sakura would have ever expected before they ended up on the same team. Most surprisingly, Shino turned out to be a gold mine of gossip on par with that of Ino, and it didn't take many missions before Sakura was caught up on the village gossip from her own age group, which she had otherwise been missing out on.

Amongst other, Sakura learned that Kiba and Tenten had dated briefly, but that Tenten now had a girlfriend from the Inuzuka clan. Sakura also learned that Shikamaru was teaching part-time at the academy and that, despite the fact that he always complained, his class had the highest test scores.

It was a bit jarring for Sakura to realise how much she was missing out on, but she had to admit that she had been entirely focused on her work with Team Ro, and thus she had neglected her friendships with her former classmates. It wasn't that Sakura never saw them, but it wasn't often enough or for long enough for them to ever really get into deep conversations. Really, that was by design, seeing as Sakura couldn't offer much info from her own life, but it stung to realise how much she was missing out on.

Sakura also got the full rundown on the Aburame insects and promptly made a personal vow to never get on the wrong side of them.

There was the Bikochu, which was a scent based tracker beetle, and the species which Shino specialised in.

There was the Kidachu beetle, which was essentially a living, chakra powered bomb, and Sakura had been quite relieved to know that Shino did not wander around with those in his body at all time.

The Kikaichu was the beetle which Shino had the most of, just as most other Aburame. The small winged beetle could be used in both offensive and defensive attacks and Shino explained how this was always the first beetle and Aburame would learn to work with, due to their lower chakra drain.

The Kouchu beetle had Sakura quite excited and even more so when Shino revealed that he did indeed have one of the black bugs in his body. The small dormant creature possessed an incredibly strong and traceless toxin, but it was also difficult to control and thus a difficult technique to master.

The Shokaichu was a technique Shino was currently in the process of learning, and the small larva could, if cultivated correctly, be used as an incredibly accurate tracker bug. Shino had explained how the tiny larva had to be placed on a target, and how the larvae would then merge with their skin and then transmit a constant chakra signal to the other larvae inside of Shino's body. It was terrifying, yet brilliant.

Sakura was walking down the dark and quiet corridors of ANBU HQ when suddenly an hand closed around her harm and Sakura felt herself pulled sideways through a doorway.

Instinctively, Sakura was ready to fight, blood boiling with energy ready to be released, before she had a chance to see who had come up behind her. But as soon as it had started, it was over, and Sakura recognised the white hair behind the dog mask.

Sakura's heart was in her throat even as she took a small step back to create some space between herself and Kakashi. There was a strange intensity to him that she didn't know what to do with.

"Hound Taicho?" Sakura said questioningly.

"Nezumi," Kakashi said, and despite the mask Sakura could see how both of his eyes were searching her, looking over every inch of her body.

"To what do I owe the pleasure," Sakura said in a poor attempt to joke because the intensity with which Kakashi was watching her was making her fight or flight instinct flare dangerously. Kakashi was always tense, but this was out of the usual.

The halfhearted attempt at a joking comment seemed to bleed some of the tension out of Kakashi, and the red flicker from the sharingan disappeared as he close the one eye.

"You have been out of touch for a while," Kakashi said cryptically. It wasn't just a statement, although it was true enough. Sakura had been out of touch due to overlaps in the mission roster between her own little duo and Team Ro. But there was more to the statement, a question Sakura didn't know the meaning of. Still, Sakura respected Kakashi and something was putting him on edge. She didn't have to know what it was to take it seriously.

"Yeah, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be on this assignment but it is all pretty easy work" Sakura said calmly with a shrug. "It's mostly just glorified camping to be honest. Track and trace stuff, you know."

A silent moment stretched between them, and then Kakashi nodded once, as if he accepted her explanation.

"Make sure to get a hold of Genma whenever you can, please. I think he is having withdrawal of some kind from all the mothering he does around you."

Sakura laughed, loud a carefree, because not only could she actually imagine the exact scene Kakashi had described, but hearing Kakashi being like this was so out of the usual. Sakura didn't quite understand the worry still, but Kakashi seemed calm enough, so whatever she had done to calm him had worked.

As far as Sakura was concerned, it wasn't unusual for her to be out of contact with Genma and Yugao for a week or two at a time, especially back before they were on the same team, but now that she though about it, they had both come looking for her before whenever time had stretched on without contact. Sakura had thought they just missed her but something was nagging her about it now.

"I'll be sure to stop by for a few rounds of sparring as soon as possible."

"Good." Kakashi said with finality and made to leave, but just as he rested his hand on the door handle, he turned back towards her once more. "And Nezumi, make sure to let one of us know if you are going out on any long term missions."

Sakura starred, her confused expression hidden behind her mask. "Sure," she complied, simply because she didn't have a reason not to, even if she didn't understand why.

Kakashi didn't stay behind to explain. As soon as Sakura had responded, he was gone.

Sakura left the room after a minute where she had just stood there, mind blank.

It was odd, but whatever had just happened had been Kakashi caring for her, being worried, and looking out for her. Sakura didn't know what the danger was and really it could be anything from an enemy, to simply the mental load of the work ANBU sometimes did, but whatever the cause, it warmed something in her that Kakashi had made the effort to check in on her. It proved just how much Kakashi saw her as part of his team.

With the warm feeling of belonging filling her chest, Sakura continued on her previous path towards the Commander's office, where a new mission awaited her.