Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Joe

It’s been so long that I forgot what cherry blossoms tasted like. That subtle-sweet floral bouquet which I simultaneously despise and hold fondly as being my favorite flavor.

Since high school, the flowers have come and gone as they pleased. At one point, I was coughing up entire root systems for a week, but I was always lucky enough to go into remission every time. These last few years have been completely flower-free, so I thought this thing was gone for good.

Apparently, I was wrong.

Now, I’m hunched over my sink, and I’m staring down at the delicate, pink flower petals mixing together with water and toothpaste, gumming up the drain. I clench my jaw slowly, swallowing, and feel the crunch of a petal between my teeth. This time, the flowers taste sour.

The steam from my shower swirls around me in white tendrils, and the mirror keeps fogging up, despite how many times I run my still-damp forearm across its surface.

Really thinking about it now, I know why it came back. I wipe the mirror off again and glance up at myself, red eyes wandering over my grim features. When I saw Adam again, in that stupid matador outfit and cape, I knew there was no way the flowers wouldn’t come back. Seeing Kaoru squirm under his iron thumb again too... Yeah. I guess I can’t say I’m surprised.

Sure, I sort of want to snap Ainosuke out of this too, but Kaoru seems really bent on fixing him. I don’t know all the details of the dude’s life, but I don’t think this is something the beloved Cherry Blossom can fix with that big brain of his. I just hope he doesn’t do anything drastic.

But… All of that talk about going up against Adam in a beef... It’s starting to make me nervous. I pull a hand down my weary face, dragging my features down. I stare at myself hard. “Kaoru’s an adult,” I reason to myself. “If he wants to be stupid…”

I know that’s a lie. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something bad happened to Kaoru, especially after I went along with him, trying to get Adam to race one of us. He’s ignored us all this time, but what if he finally took us up on our offer? What if he ends up hurting Kaoru even worse than he hurt him back in high school—when he left us and ignored us for years. Really, I should be blaming him for these stupid flowers.

After all this time, Kaoru is still obviously obsessed with this guy. And Adam... He’s awful. I just want to take Kaoru by the shoulders and shake him and tell him that Adam isn’t worth it. He never loved him. Not really. But I loved him. I’ve always loved him. And apparently, no matter how much time passes, or how I might think I’ve gotten over it, I always will.

I cough a few more times, letting the petals work their way out of my system. They flutter into the sink to join the others and I run the faucet for a few seconds to clear the drain. After wiping my mouth and running a brush through my hair, I’m ready for the day.

In high school, I would have freaked out over this whole thing. It’s embarrassing, to say the least. For the whole world to know that you’re suffering from the infamous “rejection disease.” But now I just don’t have the time. I have a restaurant to open, and a life to live.

It wasn’t my plan to lose against Langa. In fact, that’s pretty much the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen. Winning would have meant going up against Adam, and sparing Kaoru the heartbreak of doing it himself.

But I failed. When I saw his name on that card, my heart jumped into my throat. Adam clearly wasn’t expecting it either. All I can think is how I never expected us to take Adam on this soon. After this race, we’ll know where things stand between us. It’s what both me and Kaoru wanted, but it’s also terrifying. I don’t know if Kaoru will be able to take it, if Adam doesn’t have a spontaneous change of heart. Our old friend’s betrayal means little to me now, but to Kaoru…?

My legs pump hard as I run to the starting line after finishing my race. My lungs burn from what Langa put me through, and I’m uncomfortably aware that I’m not as young as I once was. The flower petals in my throat threaten to come out with my tired breaths, but I hold them in. Me, the heartbreaker of S, pining over someone would just prompt too many questions, and the fact that I just so happen to be spitting up cherry blossoms… It’s too embarrassing.

Luckily, I flag down a car to take me to the race, and my body screams a cry of relief. I make it just in time, right as the sirens sound, but I’m not sure what to say. Kaoru calls me a gorilla, his favorite insult/nickname combo for me, and for a second, I think things are going to be okay.

He’ll win. He has to. Years of heartache, years of watching him spit up red carnations because of Adam’s ego. All of that will mean something now, when he puts Adam in his place.

Still, as I watch, I can’t bring myself to cheer. Something feels off. Adam isn’t playing his usual games. He’s toying with Kaoru in a different way, and I feel goosebumps raising on my skin as I watch.

Then, Adam moves. And Kaoru is on the ground. I don’t know how I get to him so fast. Maybe someone drove me down? Maybe I just ran?

Either way, I’m by Kaoru’s side in a second. Then, he’s in my arms, and I’m holding him in the back of Shadow’s car, cradling his head in my lap as the careless chauffer seems to hit every single pothole he can find. I lean desperately over Kaoru’s face and tug his ripped face mask down underneath his chin.

“Come on, Kaoru…” He went down really hard. I can only hope that he hasn’t broken his neck. A fall like that, at that speed—No. I shake my head sharply. I don’t want to think about that. His face is all scratched up, and I can already see massive, splotchy bruises appearing on his soft, pale skin.

“Don’t cry over me, loser gorilla,” he mumbles, voice drifting from barely-moving cracked lips.

I have a mouthful of cherry blossoms at this point. I think the crying brought them up. I grit down and swallow until my mouth is free again. “How’s your neck?” I ask. “Can you feel all of your limbs?”

“Everything hurts,” Kaoru grumbles, golden eyes sliding shut again. “If that counts as feeling.”

“It’s better than nothing.” I rake hairs away from his sweaty face. “Shadow’s getting us to the hospital.”

“That explains the terrible driving.”

“Hey,” Shadow begins to protest. When he glances back at them in the rearview mirror, however, he stops himself and instead just shakes his head.

We go over another rough bump and lurch forward a bit. Kaoru moans in pain, and my heart hurts right along with him.

“We’ll be there soon,” I sooth, a hand cupping his cheek softly. “Just hang on. You’ll be fine.”

“Of course I’ll be fine,” he answers irritably. He opens his eyes again and glares up at the ceiling of the car. “I have too much pride to let a coward like Adam take me out.”

Cherry

It’s this glass of wine that’s done it.

It could also be the blanket that Kojiro has placed around my shoulders.

Or maybe it’s the fact that Kojiro didn’t send me back to the hospital the moment he saw me roll through his door.

But when I wake up with my cheek pressed against the warm, lacquered wood of Kojiro’s restaurant, and I see his dumb face next to mine (eyes closed with his disgustingly long eyelashes brushing his cheekbones), my heart clutches painfully in my chest. I hold the painful spot and try not to let my emotions take over.

I sit up with a groan. My body aches down to the bone, and my head still pulses with the concussion that I sustained from receiving a skateboard straight to the face. I knew that Adam was unstable and dangerous, but I never expected that he would stoop so low as to deliberately assault me. It’s a new level of crazy, and I regret not listening to Kojiro’s warnings when I had the chance. I hate admitting that he was right...

I was holding onto a relationship that doesn’t exist anymore. I thought Adam loved me, and I thought I loved him. I was wrong. It hurts. It hurts to have been so wrong. It hurts to know that I wasted all of that time crying over a man who never saw me as anything more than a nuisance. He looked me dead in the eye today (or rather last night, I notice, as I look at the clock on the wall) and told me how little I mean to him. It makes me wonder if he ever cared at all.

Kojiro adjusts his position in his sleep and grumbles, pulling me out of my thoughts. He looks uncomfortable.

Gingerly, I remove the blanket from around my shoulders and give it to Kojiro instead. As I pull away, his hand catches my elbow. I check to see if he is still sleeping, and to my surprise, he is. His grip is strong as he tugs me closer in his sleep. He’s mumbling something under his breath.

Carefully, I use my free hand to sweep my hair behind my ear and lean in closer to hear his sleep-talking.

“I’m gonna kill Adam,” he breathes, deliriously and sleepily.

I almost laugh out loud, but I clap my hand over my mouth to hold it back. This stupid gorilla. Always so righteous and proud. I gaze down at him softly and reach a finger out to tuck a piece of his curly hair up and away from his forehead. Suddenly, I’m possessed by something sappy.

I lean down and press a kiss against the bare, tanned skin of his forehead. I only catch myself when Kojiro stirs under my touch. Quickly, I pull away and sit up straight. I pretend like I’ve been sipping my wine, although I don’t feel like drinking it now.

Kojiro sits up and when he sees me awake, he smiles. He props his elbow up on the counter and then rests his chin in his hand. He looks at me with those red eyes of his and smirks. “You’re lucky I didn’t draw anything inappropriate on your face.”

I roll my eyes. Over the years, I’ve become an expert at it thanks to him. “If you had, it would have been the last thing you did,” I threaten. I’m only half joking. If I really had woken up with something uncouth scrawled across my forehead after the day I’ve had, Kojiro would have found himself in a far worse situation.

After a moment, I let out a deliberately noticeable sigh. “I suppose a thank you is in order.”

“Oh?” Kojiro cocks an eyebrow and smirks at me. “I’m surprised. I can’t remember the last time you ever thanked me for something.”

“Usually, your only use is being the human equivalent of a paperweight,” I bite back. It only makes his smug expression get even more annoying. I ignore him. “But this time, you were… helpful. Thank you for taking me to the hospital.”

“I didn’t just take you,” he starts, grinning. “I carried you with my own two hands.”

“You could have asked Shadow for help,” I answer gruffly. “Or simply-”

“I couldn’t let anyone touch you.”

His response stuns me into silence for a long moment. We stare at each other, and I feel a flutter in my stomach as I meet his eyes with my own. Was he always so comforting to be around? Suddenly, Kojiro is more than just a muscled idiot. He’s charming. Like a prince. I want to kiss his forehead again, but I want him to notice this time.

I feel crazy.

Kojiro continues, “Honestly didn’t trust anyone else.”

“Well…” I shrug. “I suppose I was in good hands. So, thank you… Again.”

Suddenly, Kojiro’s phone starts ringing behind the counter, and he stands up to grab it, stretching over the separation between us and the kitchen. His shirt rides up slightly, exposing a chiseled torso. “Ah, crap,” he sighs. “I was supposed to go on a date last night. Do you mind if I take this?”

I don’t react. Kojiro always seems to be going out with one girl or another, so there’s no reason to be surprised. Still, my chest feels oddly tight. I rub the area discreetly and back away from the counter in my wheelchair. “I’ll be going.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Kojiro says, thumb hovering over the “answer” button. His eyes flick between me and the screen, but I don’t give him time to make the decision.

“I should be heading back to the hospital anyway,” I say. “Before they call the police to find me.” Before Kojiro can answer me, I’m out the door. The sky is the dull grey-blue of early morning—the color before sunrise and after all of the stars have taken their leave.

I breathe deeply to clear my head, filling my lungs with the dewy air, but I am his with a sudden and uncontrollable coughing fit. I know this feeling, I realize. That tightness in my chest from before. It’s that pesky Hanahaki Disease. I had it before, after Adam left, and when I look down at the hand that I used to cover my mouth, I’m expecting to see those same red carnation petals from before. Instead, sitting on the meat of my palm, is a cluster of lime green hydrangea blooms.

I’ve never seen these blossoms before. It’s always been red carnations. I always thought it was quite fitting for Adam. But this is different. As I stare down at the petals, I realize something. My heart isn’t aching for Adam anymore. The moment he shattered my memory of him with that attack… My love for him disappeared altogether. And yet…

I glance back at the restaurant, thinking. There’s only one person these flowers could be for. I’m too smart to deny it. I close my fist around the hydrangea flowers and my gaze shifts to a glare. Of course I fall in love with the gigolo who goes on a date with a different girl practically every night. I will never understand my taste in men.

Although it is a nuisance, I know how these things go. Eventually, I will learn to live without his love. Maybe I won’t overcome it completely, but at least this time, I’ll be able to keep him as a friend. The hydrangeas will go away with time, I just have to endure it in the interim. I handled it before; I can handle it again.

Chapter Text

Cherry

I’m going to punch Kojiro in the face. Instead, I take a deep breath and say, slowly, “I don’t need help.” Leave it to him to interrupt my dinner and insert himself into my evening. Presumptuous as always.

“Actually,” Kojiro starts as he comes inside anyway. I swear this man never listens to me. Ever since we met, he’s been a thorn in my side, and yet... Those stupid hydrangeas. He has to walk sideways to squeeze past me, and still his ridiculously broad chest still manages to graze my bare arm. “I heard the doctor. He said you need to take it easy for at least a week.”

“I am taking it easy,” I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest. I feel naked, and disconcertingly similar to my old high school self. I’m just wearing a band t-shirt and some flannel pajama pants, which is an ensemble that I haven’t worn since I was 18. My hair is untouched and falling in limp, tangled strands around my shoulders. There’s a sort of protection in the way I dress, and even though Kojiro knew me in my edgy, alternative days, I still feel awkward looking like this in front of him.

Kojiro turns back around to fix me with a doubtful stare, one eyebrow raised and the tiniest smirk playing on his lips. “Oh, like I believe that,” he says, biting into me with sarcasm. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you haven’t been working, and I’ll leave.”

I meet his gaze, but quickly have to pull away. He’s right. I’ve been working on calligraphy commissions. My back has been screaming at me all day to stop, but I didn’t want to fall behind on my business obligations. It’s bad enough that I can’t skate right now, I don’t want to have to put down my brush too. I need something to get me through recovery.

When I don’t answer, Kojiro takes that as an admission of guilt and gives me a smug little nod before continuing his journey into my home, without my consent.

I give up on trying to dissuade him and instead follow him down the hall, padding along with socked feet. I only need to use the wheelchair outside of my house because walking too much still makes all of my bones hurt. Inside, I’m fine. Although I do occasionally find myself hanging onto the wall every so often for support.

After I stumble a few times, Kojiro takes it upon himself to hook an arm around my back to help. I try to push him off, but he holds on tight.

“You are insufferable.”

“Me?” he scoffs. “I’m not the one who doesn’t know how to take a break. You make everyone who cares about you worry.”

My heart squeezes a little and I resist the urge to cough, and the urge to apologize. I don’t want to make him worry, but I also don’t like feeling so helpless. My body hurts too much to even do my laundry, and my head has been aching for days. I’ve always been self-sufficient, and I’ve always been a leader. Being laid out because of Adam’s underhanded skating is just too frustrating to express.

“You’ve done so much for me,” Kojiro says suddenly, tone uncharacteristically tender. “Now, all I need you to do is to get better. Okay?”

I let out a begrudging sigh and lean into his side. “Fine.”

In classic Kojiro fashion, he goes straight for the kitchen. He looks around the room as he helps me into a chair. “Have you eaten?”

I nod at a half-empty cup of noodles on my kitchen table. “I was. Before you interrupted.”

Kojiro glares at the cup, then at me. “That’s not dinner,” he says sternly.

“It’s food, and it’s at dinner time,” I argue. “That’s the definition of dinner.”

“But where’s the passion?” He opens my fridge and squats down in front of it. He starts sorting through the contents thoughtfully.

“I have no passion.” I know I’m being glum, but I think I have the right.

Kojiro ignores me, mumbling about how I haven’t gone grocery shopping in forever. Still, he grabs some things and starts working his kitchen magic. Ever since we were kids, he would always try to cook me things. He’s gotten better (obviously, culinary school will do that), but I still haven’t forgiven him for the first “meal” he ever cooked me. Apple and dried fish pizza. He thought he was doing something fancy. I spent the rest of the afternoon heaving into a bucket on his bedroom floor. Thinking about it now, I can’t stop myself from smiling. I cover the grin with my hand, trying to keep up an air of annoyance.

“I don’t want pasta,” I say suddenly, like a petulant child.

Kojiro glances at me, the box of spaghetti he was about to open poised in his hand. I look away, hoping to hide the redness in my cheeks. I cough delicately into my hand and stuff the resulting flower petals into the pocket of my pajama pants. “I always order it at your restaurant,” I explain meekly with a shrug. “Give me something new.”

Kojiro seems to take that as a challenge. His eyes light up and he slams the pasta down onto the counter. “You always were a picky eater.”

I cluck my tongue and roll my eyes. “Oh, really?”

“Really.” I watch him as he gathers leftover rice and some chicken stock. He smells the latter before deciding that it’s okay to use and starts with cooking whatever he’s set on cooking. “When we were kids, I distinctly remember that you refused to eat cheese. And most fruit. And fish. And-”

“Okay, I get it.” I feel a vein in my head throbbing with irritation.

“Honestly don’t know how you’re still alive.”

“I grew out of it.”

When Kojiro shoots me another doubtful look, I wrestle with the urge to toss my napkin holder at the side of his head. “Maybe I’m particular, but that’s not your problem.”

“It’s alright.” Kojiro shrugs, his smugness taking a suddenly different tone. “I think it’s cute.”

My breath heaves out in a slow sigh. This isn’t fair. How can he twist my heart into knots like this, when I mean nothing more to him than a friend? It’s almost painful. And it is, with those flowers growing where they shouldn’t.

After a few minutes, Kojiro slides a plate of food before me on the table. I notice that he didn’t make anything for himself, but I figure that he’s already eaten. That makes my heart hurt more, knowing that he came here just to make sure that I ate something. I hate to admit it, but Kojiro is the most tender-hearted person I’ve ever met. 

“It’s not real risotto,” he says as he sits down across from me at the table. “But it’s sort of like it. Better than instant noodles, at least.” He picks up the offending noodles and nonchalantly tosses them into the trashcan.

I shake my head but start eating. Honestly, I haven’t had much of an appetite since the hospital, and since the relapse of my love sickness. Still, it would be rude to refuse the meal, and it would make Kojiro worry.

As I eat, I notice him glancing at his phone every so often. Eventually, my curiosity overtakes my common sense, and I ask, “What’s got you so distracted?”

“Trying to entertain girls from S,” he says nonchalantly, like those words aren’t tearing holes directly into my lungs and heart and stomach lining. He smiles good-naturedly and smugly. “They’re always crawling all over me.”

I know what he means. My own fan club can be quite unmanageable at times, but I don't revel in the attention. Although, I supposed that there isn’t anything wrong with Kojiro enjoying the limelight. It just seems so foreign to me. I’ve only fallen for two people that I can remember, and I’ve never enjoyed being objectified. Still, part of me is wildly jealous. I will never be one of those girls he messes around with, and that crazy piece of me wishes that I could be.

Just then, I feel a cough fighting its way up my chest. Slowly, I stand, placing my spoon down next to my meal. “I have to use the restroom,” I say, pardoning myself from the table. I flee into the bathroom, closing the door roughly behind me, and fall into a fit of violent coughs. They’re so powerful, I’m retching over the toilet as well. Through a mixture of cough-induced and upset tears I can barely think. It’s never been this bad before.

Joe

After Kaoru excuses himself to bathroom, I frown silently down at my phone. Maybe my phrasing earlier was off. I’m not so much “entertaining” girls from S as I am trying to beat them off with a stick. They’ve all latched onto me, and lately it feels more smothering than it does vindicating.

Every time I try to take my mind off of Kaoru by going out with a girl, I end up hacking up a lung in the parking lot before I even make it to the date. This thing for Kaoru has me wrapped upside down and sideways. It hasn’t been this bad since high school.

I swear I coughed up a branch the other day. It hurt like crap.

Now, I hack lightly into my elbow. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. Being here and knowing that nothing is ever going to happen hurts more than keeping myself away. But how could I do that? Kaoru is still my best friend. Ghosting him isn’t something I would ever want to do, even if my life was on the line. At that might just end up hurting more.

As I absently pick blossoms out from between my molars, I hear something from down the hall. I can’t really figure out what it is, so I stand up slowly and peek my head around the corner. The noise is coming from the bathroom, where Kaoru said he was going.

I creep over, hoping that my socks are disguising my footsteps well enough. Kaoru hates it when I walk around his house like I own the place. It doesn’t stop me though.

Quietly, I press myself up against the wall next to the bathroom door. I can hear the sound more clearly now. It’s like crying, but also a little big like coughing and retching too. It makes me shiver. I’ve only ever heard those sounds come out of Kaoru because of one thing—Adam.

I test the handle and find it unlocked. With a deep breath, I slowly push open the door, knowing exactly what I’ll find when I come inside. Sure enough, there’s Kaoru on the floor in front of the toilet, coughing like he’s trying to expel a bad lung.

My eyes wander over the scene, and I sigh. Adam again. Always messing with Kaoru, even indirectly. “Hey,” I say softly.

Kaoru’s shoulders stiffen and he slumps further into himself. “Go back to the kitchen,” he orders.

“Not doing that.” I take a step closer before sitting down on the bathroom floor nearby. I prop my back up against the cabinet beneath the sink and stare up at the ceiling with my hands clasped on top of my thighs. “When did it come back?”

I feel Kaoru pause. He wipes his mouth. He answers, still turned away, “Not long. More than a week.”

“I’m…” I sigh. “I’m sorry about Adam. I know he-”

“It isn’t about Adam this time,” Kaoru admits suddenly, his voice taking on a sharp, frustrated tone. He coughs again, less loudly this time.

“What?” My neck goes hot at the thought. Did Kaoru fall for someone else? Part of me is happy that he moved on from that horrible jerk, but another part of me hates that he might be into someone who isn’t me. “How do you know?”

Kaoru sighs and finally turns to face me. He leans weakly up next to me against the cupboard. Hesitantly, he shows me a green flower in his hand. It’s a tuft of hydrangea, their little leaves slightly crushed, but still beautiful in a unique way. After a second, Kaoru clenches his fist closed around them. He looks disappointed in himself, and when he speaks again, I figure out why.

“I fell for a stupid green-haired gorilla who decided to heroically carry me to the hospital,” he mumbles.

My heart skips a beat. So Kaoru means that… He loves me now? The person he’s pining over isn’t Adam anymore. It’s me. Immediately, I feel so stupid. We’ve both been going through this whole ordeal, and we were both going through it because neither of us thought our love would ever be requited? Talk about running in circles around each other.

But now I know the truth.

I want him so bad. Desperately. And if he really wants me too… I don’t let myself overthink it. Kaoru loves me. He’s in love with me. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be coughing up green hydrangeas. “I have it too,” I blurt.

Kaoru peers over at me.

“For years,” I say. Just then, like my body is trying to prove my point, I manage to cough up another cherry blossom. I hold it tenderly in my hand. “It’s always cherry blossoms… Even before you were, you know… Actually going by ‘Cherry Blossom.’”

“That long?” Kaoru’s usually sharp eyes go soft as he peers at the flower.

“Forever…” I don’t know what else to say. So, I kiss him.

I kiss him the way I’ve wanted to kiss him for years. I hold onto the dip of his waist with one hand, while the other hesitantly tangles up in his long, free-hanging hair. I’ve wanted to run my fingers through that mane for years.

To my delight, Kaoru kisses back. He grabs onto the front of my T-shirt with both fists, like he wants to beat me up, but instead he’s pressing his lips against mine. He tastes like the meal I made him, and I hold him even closer.

Suddenly, I realize that I’m having the best kiss of my life while sitting on the bathroom floor. So, I pull away. I tuck a hair away from Kaoru’s face and trail kisses down from his mouth to his jaw. Then, I sweep my arms underneath him and stand, holding him like a princess, cradled between my biceps.

Kaoru splays his hands against my chest and looks up at me. He’s trying to look indignant, but I can see the blush in his cheeks. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Going somewhere more comfortable.”

“I can walk.”

“But I like carrying you,” I say, grinning. “You’re so light. It’s easy.”

Kaoru rolls his eyes, but his hands come up and his fingers lace together behind my neck casually. After a second, Kaoru speaks again, voice low, “Since we’re both sick, let’s take a lie down.”

“A lie down?” My eyebrow creeps up. He can’t mean… Really? “In your bed?”

“If you’re man enough,” he teases. A shiver goes down my spine as his long, pale fingers muss the hair at the nape of my neck. “I think it’ll probably get rid of these stupid flowers.”