Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time it happened, Leo was just barely fifteen.

He had a tendency to go off on his own, and finding out the Hidden City existed meant that he had a whole new place to explore on nights where he couldn’t sleep. Even in the daytime the place proved to be fun to traverse alone.

It didn’t always work out - like that time with the mildly traumatizing and invasive thief hair - but on most nights at least, it was almost peaceful.

He had to stick to the backstreets though. It was always a toss up on whether he was a wanted criminal here or not, so he figured staying in the shadows beat out the drag of being thrown in jail again.

Leo felt a little bad about always going off from his family, but it was just easier like this, especially when, for once, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself. In a group, they seemed to attract trouble more than they avoided it.

Not to brag - okay, maybe to brag - but he was pretty good at going unnoticed if he wanted to! It’s just that most of the time he didn’t have to be, and why would he deprive the world of his face and quips when he didn’t need to?

But in the dead of night, using his barely functioning portals to bring him to some of the Hidden City’s docks…he didn’t feel like putting on a show. He just wanted to chill out for a bit, breathe in the salty sea air and relax as much as he could.

Especially now. He’d been feeling kinda off lately, and his insomnia was being even more annoying than usual. He felt restless, despite how tired he was. So, he figured hanging out by the weird yokai sea would help him out a bit.  

Leo had set his odachi on some boxes nearby by and was currently leaning against the pier’s railing. The place was almost completely silent aside from the ambient crash of waves. He’d have to take his family here at some point, but right then there was nobody else but him.

It was nice to be alone, even. As much as he needed his family, he also needed some room to breathe. Hanging out in the Hidden City all alone helped.

Then he realized he wasn’t alone.

He mentally congratulated himself for not outwardly reacting as one second he was minding his own business, taking in the sea, and the next he was completely surrounded. He side-eyed his hidden odachi for a second before he turned to his sudden and really unwanted audience.

“Hey-o, you guys need anything?” Leo asked nonchalantly, eyeing the group up as he leaned against the railing.

There were five of them - which, not great, but he’d fought off worse, no sweat, no biggie. The men were all bulky aquatic-like yokai, and they had a distinctly pirate-y look to them. Kinda similar to Piel’s crew but more “creepily hung out at gas stations”-like.

Okay, cool, Leo’s dealt with pirates before, more than this, even. This was gonna be easy.

Probably easier, if they stopped just - looking at him, but whatever, he got it, he was the face man for a reason so he couldn’t fault them for staring.

He pushed down the discomfort he felt from them eyeing up his body and stepped forward a bit.

“Hey, hey…” Leo waved his hands some as the men stayed quiet, “Not that I don’t know I’m hot stuff, but the reel showstopper is the face. You know. Where my eyes are. Up here.”

“Oh we know.” One of the guys finally said, grinning a particularly creepy way that had all of Leo’s instincts screaming at him to run , “That’s the first thing we saw. Real pretty face you got there, boy. We just wanted to see if the rest held up.”

“Ah-“ Leo shook off the immediate revulsion from that statement and instead started to slowly back up toward his odachi, “Well, it does, as you can sea. Anyway, it’s late and I gotta get home, so-“

“What’s the rush?” Leo bit back a screech as a different yokai - a sea turtle type, to his added discomfort - suddenly stood in his way, “You looked so lonely, it seemed wrong for such a pretty boy like you to be by yourself.”

Leo was very quickly getting cornered, an innate fear he’d never felt before rising up in him, “I’m fine! I’m going home to my family, so I’m not alone, m’kay? So, uh, thanks for the company but I gotta go and did I mention that I’m a minor-“

He couldn’t hold back a yelp as a slimy hand encased the entirety of his wrist.

“Leaving so soon? That’d be a shame. We’d like it if you spent some time with us, right boys?” Some guy made of slime suggested, his face twisting into a gross sneer.

He got jeering crows of agreement at that, and Leo felt himself be torn away from the railing and into the group. They pushed him around, as if they were playing, each of them rubbing their hands all over his body as they did.

Leo knew he should try to break away. He knew that if he tried, he’d be more than strong enough to get free.

But he just froze.

He’d gone up against so much worse, and yet a basketball team’s worth of fish dudes was enough to make him shut down.

A wayward hand brushed between his legs, causing a chirp of distress to escape him. The sound was high and echoing across the pier. Leo’s face burns with shame as the yokai close in and laugh, delight in their grotesque expressions.

“Cute sounds you got there, mind making any more for us?” Slime Guy jeered.

Leo kept his beak shut tight, for once not a single quip or joke crossing his mind. He couldn’t move an inch. Couldn’t think at all.

“Not so talkative now, huh?” One fish man laughed, “C’mon, boy, we’ll be good to ya!”

“Comin’ here alone, lookin’ like that , you can’t blame us for wantin’ a taste!” Yet another creep added.

Leo finally moved enough for a full body shiver of disgust and horror to run through him as the large sea turtle yokai sniffed at his neck.

“She’s in season too! Oh, now I know you want this.” The other turtle jeered, and the laughs only grow louder as Leo shook his head emphatically, vehemently against everything that was said.

“If you spread those legs for us, you’ll change your mind reel quick.” A fish yokai smirked.

To have a joke so like his own ones be thrown in his face nearly made Leo throw up. Mocking laughs rang out around him, joining the hands in how they fell over his form in a vice.

Leo’s heart beat loud enough to echo in his skull, drowning out all the laughter, the touches, until finally, finally-

Shouts of shock rang out as Leo’s body remembered that he’s a literal weapon for war . He pushed out of the crowd, adrenaline thrumming in his veins as he dashed toward his hidden odachi.

“Little bitch-“ is the last thing Leo heard as he frantically portaled away.

He ended up popping out in some random alleyway, not home like he was hoping, but he was just so relieved to be out of there.

Numbness spread through him, freezing up his limbs and making it hard to get a full breath in. His body shook so violently he could swear his teeth were chattering. He hugged his odachi close to himself, curling inwards slightly, uncaring of the slight cuts the sword left behind.

What just happened…?

He hadn’t- nothing like that had happened to him before. He’d- they’d-

They’d touched him. They wanted to-

Leo gagged, a disgusted horror locking up his body even as it trembled some more. Phantom hands groped him, feeling him up forcibly as he desperately tried to shake the memories away. Taunting voices played on repeat in his brain, growing louder and louder the more he tried to drown them out.

They called him ‘she’, too - which, he’d always been loosely aware that his anatomy wasn’t quite the same as his brothers, but for them to apparently smell it on him was-

Bile rose in his throat, and he struggled to force it back down, shivering in disgust at more than just the taste. He felt sicker still, knowing that it wasn’t his ‘scent’ that got their attention, but his face.

He was so tired.

Using his odachi as a prop to right himself, Leo shakily moved toward a nearby manhole so he could get himself home.

He almost slipped going down the ladder, his hands trembling a bit too much. The walk home was made in a daze. Leo never stopped holding his odachi close, taking a small bit of comfort in holding onto his lifeline.

He barely realized when he had made it back, making a beeline through the dimly lit lair to his room. His vision blurred around the edges, and he felt almost floaty as he slowly put one foot in front of the other.

“Where were you?”  

Leo flinched.

Spinning around on his heel and almost falling over at even that simple action, Leo looked up to see Donnie, a cup of coffee in the softshell’s hand.  

At Leo’s flinch, a single drawn on eyebrow raised, “Something to hide, Nardo?”

Something to hide.

Yeah.

He didn’t have to talk about that, huh?

No one needed to know.

That all  never happened.

It took him a few tries more than he was hoping to finally be able to talk, but when he did he merely shrugged, desperately ignoring the trembling in his limbs as he pasted on a grin, “Nothing to hide, not unless you want the others to learn you’ve been drinking coffee at night again.”

Donnie gasped, holding his mug like a precious commodity, “This is an essential resource! A completely necessary component to my creations!”

“So you wouldn’t mind if everyone found out?” Leo wondered out loud, praying desperately that Donnie just goes along with it.

Sure enough, Donnie’s eyes narrowed, “Just this once, I will concede. Remember, dear brother, that you aren’t supposed to be sneaking out anymore either. This is a truce, not a victory-“

Leo just shrugged as best he could with the vice grip he still had on his odachi, “Yeah, yeah, go drink your bean water. I’m going to bed.”

He hobbled off, just a bit too fast but hopefully his equally tired brother was too busy sputtering that “ coffee is much more than bean water- “ to realize this.

Soon enough, Leo made it to his room, to his bed, and then he was staring up at his ceiling.

He laid there long enough for dawn to come around, long enough for him to hear Mikey and Raph getting up for the day. He laid there, one step removed from his body. He felt passive. Distant.

He took a deep breath, and with it he smelled the lingering salt from the sea. And when the thought of taking a shower to wash it off crossed his mind in response, the events at the docks finally caught back up to him.

His next breath hitched, and then he was curled up, shaking with quiet sobs, no tears but his eyes burned anyway. He felt dirty, but he didn’t want to move to go wash. He felt weak, but that was almost a relief because if he was strong then-

Then he should have gotten away sooner. Then he let that happen to him. If he was weak, he had an excuse, right? If he couldn’t get away, then he didn’t want it.

But he could get away. He did get away. That meant he let it happen-

No.

Nothing happened. Not really.

Those touches were nothing. It didn’t go farther than that, so it didn’t matter. He shouldn’t take it so seriously. Those fishy creeps didn’t do anything to him.

He was okay. He was okay. He was okay.

Leo took in a deep, shuddering breath.

He was okay.

Nothing happened.

Leo breathed out.

He got up from his bed, methodically going through the motions of getting ready for the day. He took a shower and rubbed his skin until it was almost as red as his stripes. Then he cleaned himself off again, for good measure, because they said he smelled good.

By the time he finished up, his scales were rubbed raw. Leo still felt dirty , though. He still smelled the salt of the ocean. But…this would have to do for now.

He perfected his face in the mirror, and, with a smile, left the room to greet his family.

The second time it happened was after he became leader.

Chapter Text

The second time it happened was after he became leader.

When Leo left his room to greet his family the morning after that first time, it had taken more out of him than he’d been hoping it would. Just sitting at the breakfast table and joking around as normal was hard as hell when all he wanted to do was rip his own scales off and scream at everyone who could hear. The slight, nearly unnoticeable wounds on his hands itched something fierce, almost as much as the underneath of his skin did.

But he managed. He was an actor by default, Lou Jitsu’s son through and through. So, he played his part perfectly, barring a few stumbles here and there. He thought he deserved a standing ovation, honestly, if just for not giving himself away.

‘Nine out of ten, didn’t appear as fucked up as you were.’

He almost started to fool himself at some point. It was a delusional hope, but he began to think that maybe, maybe what happened the night before was just a nightmare. Maybe he had just imagined the whole thing and hadn’t realized it due to exhaustion. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

But this hope led to Leo slipping up, the entire production put on hold as the actor forgot his lines.

This slip up had been when he’d made a typical joke at his older brother’s expense. A small rib that he did all the time, paired with a trademark smirk and a smug voice. It was always used to get an instant reaction out of his brothers, and it never failed to give entertaining results.

So it shouldn’t have been a surprise that it had led to Raph grabbing the slider’s shoulder and shaking him playfully.

It was meant to be playful . Just standard roughhousing between brothers.

And yet-

Leo had no idea what had happened.

He had been doing so well. He was just having breakfast with his brothers, teasing a grumpy Donnie with Mikey as Raph pretended he didn’t think it was funny too. Leo was joking around despite wanting to hide himself forever, he was eating despite it all tasting like ash, he was being normal despite everything, moving to include Raph in his relentless teasing as well.

And then Raph shook him.

Leo’s mind went blank.

He was with his brothers, he knew he was. There was breakfast on the table and if he strained his hearing he could make out the sounds of his dad’s shows echoing throughout the Lair. His brothers were all around him. Mikey was giggling, a piece of toast stuck to his cheek. Donnie was grumbling, too tired to fully care about the whims of the common-folk as he alternated between sips of flavorless juice and coffee, never mixing the two. Raph was watching them all and goading them on whilst pretending to be completely focused on his empty plate. And he, Leo, he was laughing , he was forgetting . He was okay , and then-

And then a big hand shook him, and suddenly he was back in the middle of that group, being shoved around and manhandled and groped and touched and no matter what he did he couldn’t get himself out of it there were bugs crawling under his skin, his scales, everything was itchy and everyone was touching him-

“Leo!” The voice of his little brother knocked him out of it.

He looked down, seeing Mikey standing in front of him, and only then realizing that he was also standing.

Leo looked away from Mikey’s worried look to see his other brothers focused on him as well. Raph had a horribly confused and guilty expression on his face whereas Donnie’s was more suspicious, no doubt remembering last night.

“Leo, are you okay?! Raph didn’t- I mean- did I hurt you? What’s wrong?” Raph was panicked, and Leo mentally kicked himself for letting that happen.

‘ Look at that, look what you did .’

So the bugs crawling under Leo’s skin got to make their home there as Leo crafted a sheepish smile, heedless of the itch. “Sorry, sorry, I just didn’t get a good sleep last night. Think I may have dinged my shoulder a bit, sorry for scaring you guys.” He moved to stretch his shoulder, adding a wince for extra emphasis, “Should have iced it though. Mind getting me something to cool it with, big brother?”

The tension over his brothers lessened immediately at his nonchalance, and Raph jumped up to grab an ice pack in a towel for Leo to use. The slider grinned in thanks and held the ice to his “hurt” shoulder.

That grin remained frozen on his face as he pressed the ice a little harder than he probably should have into his shoulder. The chill grounded him some, but adrenaline was still coursing through his system. He was home, eating breakfast with his brothers, and yet he, for no good reason, felt like he was in danger.

And he couldn’t stop it.

So he smiled and iced his anxiety down.

He wanted to run- run to his room, to his bed, and even hide under it like a child. Maybe pop into his shell for good measure.

He couldn’t do that though. That’d give himself away, and that thought alone made him sick . So he stayed and grinned at his brothers instead. His brothers, at the moment, kept being superimposed on the phantom images of Them, but the need to be wary, to flinch away and be safe and free from the enemies crowding around him, was frozen out completely by the memory of Raph’s guilty face.

“Were you out practicing sick tricks without me?” Mikey asked, pouting as he finally plucked the wayward piece of toast from its home on his cheek.

An out.

“Hey, you know better than anyone that when inspiration comes, it can’t be ignored.” Leo tutted, grin growing at Mikey’s complaints.

Raph still looked guilty, hunched over with his brows drawn together, “Sorry for hurting you, bro. Wouldn’t have done that if I knew.”

Leo waved him off, “Eh, don’t worry about it, Raph. I forgot all about it, my bad.”

“And- when, exactly, did you happen to partake in skateboarding mishaps, dear brother?” Donnie’s dry voice asked, eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“Middle of the night. Not the best time, yeah-“ Leo quickly interrupted Raph and Mikey’s admonishments, “But I needed to work off all my energy, ya know?”

Leo was banking on his disheveled appearance the night before helping solidify his story to Donnie, and luck seemed to be in his favor for once as the other nodded with a hum.

“Be more careful, dumb dumb.” Was all the softshell said before returning to his two exceedingly different drinks.

“You sure you’re good, Leo?” Mikey asked around a mouthful of food, head cocked to the side, “You flinched pretty hard…”

Mikey was always more perceptive than people gave him credit for, but unfortunately for him, when Leo had a goal in mind, he’d stick to it until he crashed and burned trying.

“Of course, mi hermano! Just wasn’t expecting it. I just gotta-“ Leo clumsily shrugged his “injury”, “- shoulder the cost of absolutely wiping out, haha.”

And there they went, groaning at his joke. The tension was completely gone, and Leo was left with a burning realization.

He was gonna have to keep up the act.

And he wasn’t sure he could.

It’d be wrong of Leo to say that he was a bit relieved that ol’ Shreddy made an appearance, right?

Of course it’d be wrong. Considering everything that happened…their Lair being destroyed, their dad almost dying…Gram Gram…

But the one good thing that came out of it, aside from their admittedly really cool power ups and general closer bonds as family, was that it gave Leo a reason to not be okay.

And he wasn’t okay.

Their home was gone! Gram gram, someone they barely had the opportunity to know, was gone!

His problems were so small in comparison.

Yet it wasn’t the Shredder who had him waking up from nightmares the few times he’d managed to fall asleep.

And wasn’t that selfish? Wasn’t that so shitty of him, to be so affected by something that happened to him weeks ago, when his great grandmother’s spirit was freshly lain to rest?

Not that the rest didn’t affect him. Far from it. Just thinking of Karai had a sob land itself squarely in his chest and an overwhelming guilt flood his entire being.

He just wished he didn’t have a whole different set of issues to join his new ones. It was a pretty big bummer, honestly.

He’d been getting better over time, he thought. He’d been flinching less, joking more, and being himself again. Things were getting easier.

Back to square one, apparently.

But, again, now he had a better excuse. Because he was affected by the Shredder.

He just was also affected by something else.

So he was fully prepared to go all in on this new season of “ Let’s Keep The Family In The Dark ”, more than happy to reprise his role as the lead.

Then Daddy Dearest made Leo the leader.

Okay .

At first, Leo thought it was a joke. Why wouldn’t it be? It happened so suddenly, so nonchalantly, of course it was a joke.  

Funny bit, haha, good one, Dad!

But Splinter never took it back like Leo expected. Like he should have. Instead, he doubled down, and Leo was fully convinced it was because the old man had slipped up but was too stubborn to correct himself. Because why else would he be leader? He already had a role!

He was the face man! Not the leader! He couldn’t be-

(Phantom touches lingered on him, caressing him, sticking to him like dried blood and even harder to wash off.)

If he was just the face man, then that was to be expected. If he was just the face man, then that was just a part of his job. But, if he was the leader, and if that happened again…

Best not to think about that.

Not that it mattered what Leo thought.

(“Seriously, Dad, just take it back and laugh it off, already. I think you’ve been leading us on for long enough, the joke’s dead now.”

“Hmph, not sure why you’re so insistent that I’m joking, Blue. I know what I said, and I’ll stand by it.”

“But-

“Oh- hold that thought, I think my show is starting up-“)

Everyone else seemed to just go along with the role changes, and now things were- awkward. Mikey and Donnie were mostly unaffected, too focused on rebuilding their lost home to really care too much about something as dumb as who led their turtle based vigilante team. And when April had been informed, she just shrugged it off and said that at least Leo got an alliterative title out of it.

Raph though. Raph cycled back and forth between being encouraging and being overly critical, and Leo couldn’t even be mad about it because he’d be pissed too if he was booted from his position on the team and replaced! Especially with someone like Leo. Which, don’t get him wrong, Leo knew his worth, however dubious and transient it could be and however much he let himself down all the time, but a leader? That wasn’t him. And he didn’t want it to be him.

Yet Raph was doing his absolute best to be Leo’s cheerleader, coach, and heckler all in one, and yeah maybe Leo would be over the moon at having all of his big bro’s attention like this if the other wasn’t hyper-focused on crimefighting now. Raph let it be known to the rest of them that being heroes was just who they were, and so they needed to pick up the slack and keep the city spotless from any crime they could.

The thing was, Leo didn’t think so. Their usual baddies were child’s play, so it just wasn’t worth taking things so seriously. And besides that, they lived in New York City, where even little Timmy down in daycare could be a hardened criminal on the side. So, yeah, Leo wasn’t that inclined to take down every small time robbery that came to his attention. It was just barely over a month ago that they defeated the Shredder! Sue him for not immediately changing himself on the spot!

Speaking of changing, when was the last time Raph sat down to enjoy some wrestling? When had he last tried (and failed) to take a picture of some cute critter? Or went to get more plushies?

Before the Shredder, Leo was sure.

The worst part was that Leo couldn’t even blame Raph for any of it. It was just Raph being responsible, after all. (‘Trauma.’ A voice whispered in Leo’s head, ‘You know all about that word, don’t you?’). But…apart from a few instances such as one beginning with ‘P’ and ending in ‘-izza Puffs’, Raph had been just as goofy as the rest of them. Now, the snapper was…grown up, in a way. He wasn’t even eighteen yet, but here he was, the weight of the city on his shoulders. And here he was, trying to convince Leo that it was their duty.

Frankly, Leo didn’t want the responsibility.

…Okay, maybe he wasn’t being fair. Sure, he’d prefer if Raph just took the role back instead of yelling at him ( standing over him, large and looming and he doesn’t mean it but Leo heard the echoes of “She’s in season” play on repeat anyway-) , but it wasn’t like he doesn’t get what Raph was going for.

Leo just doesn’t understand where the sudden insistence that he’d be a great leader “if he just applied himself” came from.   He wasn’t about to let a new role be forced onto him, despite what Dad and Raph seem to think. He already knew that he’d be a bad fit for it.

He’d froze, after all.

But Leo couldn’t admit to that. Not without revealing more than he wanted. So there he was, suddenly put into a role he didn’t fit and expected to step up to the plate when invisible hands hold him still, touching and touching and touching. And maybe it was a desperate bid to escape those expectations and those hands and what came with both, but one night, Leo made the impromptu decision to go into the Hidden City alone once again.

Instead of quiet, off the beaten path places that he longed for in the past, nowadays he could only stomach a good medium-sized crowd. (Something he loved, ruined for him-) The more people the better, so long as he avoided brushing up against them. His usual spot was Hueso’s, always, and if it hadn’t been as late as it was, Leo would have absolutely hit up his favorite boneman again.

After the Shredder and with their new home being a massive (and currently, kinda ugly) work in progress, Leo could admit, a bit guiltily, that he got more comfort in Run of the Mill than in his own home. (But not too much, he couldn’t afford to drive Hueso away, he refused to lose that too-)

So, yeah, normally he’d be bursting through Hueso’s doors and making himself at home. Unfortunately, it was later than late, and the place was closed for the night. That meant Leo had to find somewhere else to shed off all his nervous energy. Someplace else that would give him the opportunity to sort himself out.

“I must say, out of all you little turtlely-boos, I am positively smagglegoffed that you in particular decided to visit.”

He could fully admit that his decision making wasn’t the best at the moment, and that fact was abundantly clear as he sat in Big Mama’s office, drinking tea and conversing with the woman who was the definition of untrustworthy. He knew it was dumb to be here, really dumb, but he had a reason.

This was the one place he could be openly suspicious of everyone and not be questioned about it. It was a place built on lies, and as such, he felt right at home. It was a relief, in a way, to be able to be completely on guard and not have to hide it. Tensing up or flinching back was expected here, no one would be hurt if he did that. The place was like a giant chessboard that he was allowed to take seriously, because the people here already knew what he was about. He could finally let himself feel wary again, and actually have good reason for those feelings. He could take all the agitation in his system and push it out in either a sudden death battle or verbal chess match, whichever came first.

And wasn’t that funny? That here, with a villain who had tried to kill him and his family, he was able to be himself?

“What can I say? I like the vibes here.” Leo’s smirk was sharp. His words just as capable of being weapons as his katana were.

Big Mama hummed, her humanoid form no less imposing than her spider one. “You certainly have a habit of being unpredictable.” She took a small sip from her own cup, “Am I right to assume you’ll be mum on your reasons for being here?”

Leo smile was fixed in place, “Like I said, I like the vibes.”

“That’s a ‘yes’ then.” Big Mama tittered, “Oh, well, I do enjoy your pleasanifforous company.”

More like she was well aware of how much she owed them, and she refused to let a debt so heavy stand.

Either way, Leo shrugged, leaning back in his chair ( but still tense, always tense, always watching ) and thanking the wait staff who’d brought him more tea. Two in particular had stars in their eyes, and Leo had to try harder than he realized to bask in the attention rather than shrink away from it.

He and Big Mama talked, their conversation benign and meaningless but the air around them never stopped pushing down on the room. Both of them were constantly trying to get a read on the other, and Leo was living for it.

(It was stupid, so stupid, why was he really there?)

“Tell me, which pays better, the crazy gladiator ring or the hotel?” Leo asked, on his fourth cup of tea and and seventh strand of conversation.

The spider’s grin is indulgent, “I’m sure a clever boy such as yourself already knows the answer, yes?”

Leo opened his mouth to respond, but that one (kinda cool) fox yokai suddenly burst into the room with an interruption.

“Big Mama, there seems to be an issue down at the Battle Nexus.” He grumbled, sending a brief glare Leo’s way.

Leo waved back. It wasn’t like it was his fault this time, after all.

Big Mama sighed in aggravation, “Well then, I suppose I should take a littalloo gander that way, hm?” She slinked around her desk, portal charm at the ready, and sent a look Leo’s way, “Now, dear Leonardo, Big Mama is more than happy to continue our conversation when I return, I do apologize for the interruption.”

Leo was too surprised that she seemed even slightly genuine about that to mask his own reaction, “Uh, no worries, I’ll…be here, I guess?”

“Marvelizing!” At that, Big Mama was gone, only Leo, his tea, and a couple of the wait staff remaining.

…He knew she owed them for saving her ass from the Shredder, but…to leave him alone in her office like that? Him, who was known to sneak around her domain?

Someone else had changed, it seemed, possibly just as Draxum had, as much as Leo liked to rag on the guy. The thought was a lot more disconcerting than Leo would have liked.

Mindlessly, he finished off another cup of tea. Huh. He didn’t remember drinking this one-

“More, sir?” One of those fan-waiters asked, eyeing him with a bit too much intensity.

A familiar intensity.

“No. No, I-“ Leo tried to wave off the waiter, but- were his words slurring?

His eyes flit about the room, coming to the slow realization that no one else was there. That didn’t make sense- this was Big Mama, since when-?

Leo attempted to move up from his seat, falling back in it ungracefully. His bones felt like jello- when had he untensed? He couldn’t remember.  

Leo lifted a hand to his head. His skull felt like it was pounding , like water was rushing through his brain and shaking him around. Something- something was happening to him-

He couldn’t move .

There were whispers around him, starting with one that was then joined by another. One high pitched, one low pitched. Leo couldn’t- couldn’t make out any more than that.

He made a mistake. Stupid- stupid- stupid .

Why didn’t he see this coming?

( Did he really not see this coming? )

The whispers from before got closer, and Leo was barely able to notice when they suddenly stood right next to him.  

Fear was a distant thing in his drugged up mind, thrashing in the depths of his cognizance right next to cold resignation. He should have expected this. He should have. He should have.

(He did.)

“So…really him…?” He could somewhat make out the words around him.

“Yeah…pretty, huh?”

Leo wanted to throw up. It was happening again.

“-Jitsu…champion!” So. That’s how they knew him.

A victory he shared with his dad, used against him, like this.

How was he meant to face his dad now?

Hands were suddenly on him, and it was so familiar, so horribly familiar. With every bleary blink, he was back on the docks, back in the middle of that group, with their hands and their laughs and their words-

(“She’s in season-“)

He didn’t have the strength to even whimper.

“-muscles are…very nice-“

“-Hurry…short on time…”

“-Yeah, yeah…main event-“

Leo didn’t know when his shorts were pulled down, but he knew the moment a finger pressed inside of him. It didn’t hurt at all, and somehow that made it worse. Worse in that his breath hitched in a way a step removed from pain. Worse in that for all he hated this, hated them, hated himself for getting into this, his body responded in pleasure. He felt sick.

Leo was vaguely aware of the things the waiters were saying, only catching on to a single word or phrase here and there. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to listen.

“-Wet-“

“-’s pretty-“

“-likes it.”

He felt sick.

His headache had evolved into a full blown migraine, and nausea was aiming to join it. He felt like he was being crushed underwater, dizzy and disoriented and drowning.  

But.

His vision was clearing.

The invading touches couldn’t have been on him - in him - for longer than a couple minutes by the time Leo managed to regain some autonomy. He celebrated that newfound control by swiftly kicking out, a screech of pain showing that his foot had caught its mark.

He barely had the right of mind to yank his shorts back up before he stumbled away, out of his prone position. He shakily geared up into a shoddy fighting stance.

His fingers could barely hold up his swords, but it would have to do. He was- he was-

He was so numb.

The two in front of him looked shocked, trading nervous (but not guilty) looks as they eyed Leo’s swords. They didn’t look like fighters in the slightest, just two skinny waiters who decided to try their luck.

Leo’s grip on his katana tightened.

“What- what did you do to me?” He asked, words still slurred and jumbled together.

One of the waiters, a dog type who was the one he’d kicked, it seemed, hissed at the other, “You said it would work! Why is he awake?!”

The other, an owl, stuttered as he replied, “I don’t know, they said it should have knocked him out completely!”

“We’re doomed-“

“What did you do to me.” Leo asked again, harsher, because the two of them sat there and bickered as though they hadn’t- as if they didn’t just-

“We didn’t- we were put up to this!” The owl insisted, winged arms held up in defense.

And in one of those feathered hands, was a camera.

Leo’s vision blacked out.

A camera.

A camera.

Not only did they do- do that to him, but they were taking pictures. Of him.

He was going to throw up. He felt sick. So, so sick. Violated didn’t begin to describe what this all was.

And through it all, he was only barely surprised.

He was brought back to the living by the sound of something breaking, and when he looked down he saw that same camera now in a million pieces at his feet. Above him was his own arm, katana sparking as its latest portal closed off.

He knew the two waiters were wailing about something or another, but he paid them no mind. He just continued to look down at the camera’s remains, even as the telltale sound of Big Mama’s own portals rang out.

“-trying to dupe me in my own establishment, are they? Seems like I need to reinforce the thread of authority around here-“

The spider yokai’s words were cut off, the many eyes of her true form narrowing in on the two waiters currently shaking in their boots.

“Oh, a couple more to add to the treasonous pile, hm? No matter, the audience will love the upcoming bloodbath.” She clicked her teeth in a way that had various guards pool out of the portal behind her and easily apprehend the two waiters.

It was only then that her silent attendant pointed out Leo, and Big Mama blinked down to take in the sights, her eyes narrowing at his swaying form.

“Oh- So splingerously sorry about that, dear turtlely-bloo! It’s quite embarrassing to admit, but Big Mama has been having some issues with unruly underwhelming underlings recently. I hope you weren’t caused too much trouble?”

No response. It was taking Leo his all just to stay standing. The drugs in his system weren’t quite gone yet, so he could only bring himself to keep his defensive state.

Big Mama’s attendant brought Leo’s cup to the spider, who took a single taste before a deathly aura flooded the room, the waiters whimpering as they faced the forefront of the matriarch’s wrath.

But Leo couldn’t care about any of that anymore. He needed to leave. Now.

He opened a portal and shot through it, just barely catching on to the last thing one of the waiters said:

“We didn’t know he was a kid-“

Leo wanted to laugh so hard that he puked blood. Clearly him being a kid didn’t matter to the last group he’d run into, but good to know that some creeps had morals, right?

Maybe if he had a bit more baby fat, he wouldn’t have gotten drugged! What a concept. Sooooo funny.

He really did puke then.

Wiping his mouth, he took a minimal stock of his surroundings.

In a subway system, but not quite where they’d set up their new home. He guessed that was understandable, considering that he wasn’t all that used to the place yet. Frankly, it was crazy he even ended up as close as he did.

He shook himself off and began the trudge back home.

The slider’s brain was both distant yet loud, beating at his skull in time with the slight ache between his legs. That thought in and of itself was enough to make Leo sick again.

That…really happened, didn’t it? Again.

And he’d expected that, didn’t he? For all he told himself it was because he felt better being in such a distrustful place when he wanted to be outright with his wariness, the truth was…

He wanted to take a risk.

And wasn’t that stupid ? To go looking for bad people? Why, why, why did he want to surround himself in danger? To prove he could get away? He almost didn’t!!

What was wrong with him?

His cheek scraped the wall, and he blinked as he realized he’d been walking - albeit haphazardly - for a good while. His vision was clear, but wavering, like it was put through the world’s most boring kaleidoscope. Where was he going again…?

And then he smelled before he saw the fresh paint of Mikey’s latest attempt at making their new home, home. Leo didn’t know if he was relieved or not.

All he knew then, was that he wanted to go to bed.

“Leo…? What are you doing up so early?” A tired voice asked, and if he’d had the energy, Leo would have jumped out of his scales.

There stood Raph, sleepily rubbing one eye, looking as exhausted as Leo currently felt.

Leo wasn’t sure he could hide this time. But god, he just wanted to go to bed.

“I’m- I’m just up to get a drink.” Leo slurred out, changing direction to head to their makeshift kitchen to do exactly that.

Looking a little more awake at that, Raph frowned, “In all your gear…?”

Leo followed his brother’s gaze down and, ah, yeah, he didn’t exactly sleep with his belts and sword, did he?

“Late- late night walk. Don’t- don’t worry about it…” The slider’s tongue felt like lead, and he tried once more to walk to the kitchen, only to be intercepted by his brother once more.

“Wait Leo, are you okay-“ Raph paused his question, growing still as he sniffed the air. Leo began to grow a little antsy, a little shaky, the longer Raph had him stopped until- “Are you drunk?” Raph asked incredulously, voice rising in a mix of shock and anger and worry that frankly Leo did not want to deal with.

“Huh? No- no I’m not.” Leo managed to drawl out, bile rising in his throat and forcing him to cover his mouth.

Raph’s eyes narrowed, and Leo realized that he really wasn’t helping his case, but-

But dammit, he wasn’t drunk, he was drugged and he wanted to cry and scream and he wanted Raph to take the leader position back and hug him because it wasn’t fair, none of this was fucking fair -

The dim light caught on the dark circles under Raph’s eyes.

…None of this was fair.

Leo swallowed down the bile in his throat, and started spinning up a brand new facade. “Only a little drunk. Won’t happen again. It sucks. Sorry.”

It wasn’t his best, but it was better than the alternative. It was. It was.

And maybe Leo looked pathetic enough for it to work, because the anger left Raph’s face until only concern and exhaustion remained.

“You can’t be doing that, Leo. We need you.” Raph sighed, and the disappointment in that breath was like a dagger, “Raph’ll get you some water. Go to your room.”

He watched as his big brother made his way to the kitchen. After a few moments and a quick trip to the bathroom to brush his teeth, Leo did as Raph said and went to his room, stumbling out of his belts and wrappings and into his softest pajamas as best he could, already feeling better once he got covered up.

Raph soon came in with a glass of water that Leo eagerly drank down. Spilling a little with how bad his arms were shaking.

Raph sighed again, rubbing a large hand down his face as he took a seat on Leo’s bed.

“Raph’s not gonna hound you right now, not when you’re pretty clearly regretting the stuff, but-“ The snapper’s jaw clenched, “Look. I- I get it, I get that it’s tempting, but Leo, you can’t- you can’t just go off in the middle of the night and come back wasted. That’s-“ Raph’s claws dug into Leo’s bed, “Just- promise you won’t do it again, please.”

And Leo just holds the now empty cup in his hands, staring down at the plastic as a feeble sound masquerading as his voice sounds out a quiet, “I won’t. ‘M sorry.”

”…if there’s something more, you can tell me, Leo.” Raph states, nearly as quietly as Leo. He looked so, so concerned.

All Leo could do was mumble out a, “I know.”

Raph nodded, once, and let the silence wash over them. It was only about an hour later, a few more cups of water in Leo’s system and a much clearer headspace, that Raph finally took his leave.

He gently pat Leo’s head on his way out, saying softly, “Just keep what I said in mind, okay? You’re the leader now, Leo. Raph’s counting on you.” He turned back, once, right before he exited, “I love you, little brother.”

And with that, the subway door closed. The sound of Raph’s footsteps echoed out until they stopped in a different car nearby. Leo listened as best he could, breathing in and out and regulating his thoughts and emotions as best he could.

Maybe he’d feel more guilty over manipulating his brother like this, but was what he did really all that different than going out to get drunk? After all, he’d gone out for the express purpose of taking a risk, of inviting danger to himself on purpose. Alcohol was similar enough.

In any case, that assumption was definitely better than the truth - better than Raph knowing Leo had paid a visit to Big Mama of all people and had been- had lost to some rando waiters.

What a leader, huh?  

Leo had meant what he’d said earlier, anyhow. He wasn’t going to go back there. Just- just thinking about the place had Leo seize up. And now the group of men in his nightmares had company.

Company that had gotten farther. And had taken pictures.

As Leo laid in his bed and let his thoughts spiral, he finally realized what the pictures must have been for. Distribution. Payment, even, for all the others who had joined in on distracting Big Mama.

Revulsion churns in Leo’s gut, and panic set over him as he realized how lucky he was that the two used an old fashioned camera for this. If they’d used a smart phone instead-

Panic overwhelmed him, stopping all thoughts dead in their tracks as Leo let out a distressed chirp and burrowed himself in his blankets, a burning cold in his chest. He was so thankful to be home, to be in his room, in his bed, still unfamiliar but his nevertheless.

His bed was quickly becoming his safe space – and doesn’t that make him feel pathetic?

Leo will never understand his dad’s decision. He’ll never be leadership material, never. Zero out of ten, terrible directorial decision there, Dad. How could Leo be a leader when it seemed like all his audience wanted out of him was-

The words of his most recent set of creeps suddenly ran through his head.

‘We didn’t know he was a kid-‘

So. As long as that much was clear, he could cut down on some creeps in his life. Not all, never all (and he knew this well already), but… some.

And, maybe, maybe it could also help him get out of the other issue currently plaguing his life.

Leo blinked up at his ceiling, counting the cracks in lieu of sleep. It was a common sight, but appeared so much different with his vision swimming the way it was. Despite that, a calm fell over him.  

In the bleariness of his drugged up mind, he made a decision.

He was a kid, so he was gonna act like one.

The third time it happened was after the invasion.

Chapter Text

The third time it happened was after the invasion.

Said invasion was definitely at the top of his list for “Worst Moments of Leo’s Life” which, considering the events leading up to it, was a pretty impressive feat!

As always, it was his fault. Go figure. Leo wished his mistakes were like other people’s more, where messing up resulted in things like broken cups or being late to work.

And not, y’know, the apocalypse.

Leo really should have known better by now - he’s his own worst enemy. He was lucky to be alive, lucky that his brothers loved him enough to pull him out of what was pretty much a literal hell, lucky that no matter what mistakes he made, he still got to live on.

He told himself this every second sleep evaded him, what little rest he got being interrupted by visions of the Kraang being overlapped with hands that touch, touch, touch-

He was lucky, to not know if the Kraang would go that far. His brothers would be upset if he said it out loud, but he much preferred the broken body he ended up with to the horribly familiar alternative.

Not that he really had much right for a preference, given that the invasion happened for a reason. That reason being, at least in part, due to Leo. Big “oops lmao” on his part, honestly, sorry to his other self’s family for having to die for that mistake.

That timeline was a major bummer, really. Casey made that one pretty clear.

And Leo couldn’t help but wonder, when Casey talked so highly of his “Master Leonardo”…did that guy go through the same things Leo did? Did that super capable ninja master still wake up in a cold sweat, phantom fingers wetly pressing inside him?

Did he know if the Kraang would go that far?

Leo bet that guy would shrug it off. Like he should. Like he would. Eventually.

For now, his mind made the Kraang’s touch wander. And so, Leo didn’t sleep.

…He was getting pretty tired of his own wallowing. But! In his defense- it’s not like he had much else to do here, stuck (trapped) in a cot and told to stay put until he was well enough to move.

“Your shell is broken in eight different places, your leg in three, and your arm is completely dislocated - and that isn’t even beginning to address the level of internal bleeding. Had I been a lesser scientist, you would be dead. So stay put.” 

And if Leo hadn’t been dragged through hell and back, maybe he would’ve been able to shoot back a “had you been a better scientist, I wouldn’t have broken anything at all, yeah?” but unfortunately all he could get out was a lame “Mmhm.”

As far as company went, Draxum was never going to be his first choice. Ever.

(He was too tall - too aggressive - his roots too reminiscent to the Kraang’s and touching around the place, around Leo too much, too much, and Leo had to grin and grin because if Draxum caught his reaction then Mikey would know about it soon after and then everyone would have questions and the roof incident excuse was really only good for so long-)

Unfortunately, Draxum was also the only person they knew with any chance at putting Leo back together again. And woof- ibuprofen only did so much as painkillers. 

Leo was relieved, kinda morbidly, that he wasn’t forcibly put to sleep for any of this. He’d had enough drugging and he couldn’t lose consciousness too, he couldn’t- couldn’t-

Ugh.

At least Casey was here for the beginning until exhaustion took over the poor guy. Leo could tell the kid knew his way around some gory injuries. A little too well, honestly.

Draxum’s sigh shook Leo back to reality, “I suppose I don’t have to mention the concussion, do I?” He shook his head, “I’ll send for the others.” His glare was severe as he looked down at Leo’s prone form, “And again I will stress: do not move.”

And, once more, Leo wanted to respond with a grin and a quip. He wanted to be a bit of a brat because why would he ever make things easy on Draxum? He wanted to say a lot of things, but the rattling breath in his chest was the loudest sound he could muster.

He really hated this feeling. Frozen, quiet, and-

Helpless.

Even Draxum seemed a bit put off by the piss poor performance Leo was handing in. His brand was really taking a hit here if Draxum of all people was bothered.

With Draxum gone, the only sound in the room was a fun mashup of wheezing and a heartbeat monitor beeping. Nothing rave worthy, and very much nothing distracting enough for Leo’s taste. Maybe he could convince someone to put on some glam rock…

Still, even with his thoughts as they were, he appreciated just a few seconds of silence before the physical manifestations of his failure made their way through the door. A few seconds of no hands, no eyes, no nothing on his person.

In those seconds, he was the Face Man resting in his dressing room, gearing up for another performance.

In those seconds, he was the Leader, bracing himself for a laundry list of how he fucked up.

In those seconds, he was barely fifteen again, and he just got home from a scary encounter with bad guys, and he wanted nothing more than to pretend it never happened at all.

His family burst through the door, and he’d failed to make it back onstage.

Mikey made it to him first, something desperate in his eyes as he reached the slider’s bedside. “Leo!! Can you hear me? You’re okay, right? Oh, you’re so hurt, I-“

The boxshell cut himself off with a wounded whine, reaching out. The movement was made awkward by the thick bandages giving him unwieldy mittens, but they didn’t stop Mikey from holding Leo’s hand.

By that point, the others had made it over, and April smiled at Leo, tears in her eyes that Leo really didn’t know how to deal with. “Hey, Leo. You doing okay?”

She was covered in bruises and scratches, and for some reason Leo was particularly fixated on the small crack in her glasses. Her question, as well as Mikey’s, goes unanswered for a few seconds.

Leo attempted a smile at them, but from their responding cringes, he could guess that his moneymaker wasn’t making any money at the moment. Nevertheless, he knew he needed to lighten their worries.

“I’m fine, guys! Don’t worry, I’m not too broken up about this, haha!”

…This was what he’d have liked to have said, but what came out instead was something much more raspy, and so quiet that Leo himself could almost dismiss it as a wheeze. At least it was kinda better than when he’d been trying to talk to Draxum, but…yeah, he wasn’t living up to his reputation at the moment.

There was a suspiciously wet glint in Donnie’s eyes as he leaned forward, looking at Leo’s pupils discerningly. Leo didn’t like it. He didn’t like any of this, honestly. 

But he loved his family- so much- so he’d bare this. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to do the same for them, though his shitty but trusty medkit could only do so much. He was luckily enough that his family was still around at all.

“I believe that’s a concussion. A bad one. He’s probably out of it.” Donnie stated, (thankfully) leaning back, his voice rough. Judging from the jump the other members of his family gave at his words, it…may have been a while since Donnie last spoke.

The bandages wrapped around the softshell’s torso peeked out from under his thick hoodie. Leo had no idea how they got there. Leo had no idea about a lot of things, actually.

He was really, really lucky his family was around at all.

“Donatello is correct. Though Leonardo’s concussion is the least of his worries.” Draxum stated from the back of the group, Casey standing near him and watching the door like a hawk.

Leo was thankful at least some people were standing back - it was getting crowded enough in that makeshift med bay. Everyone was way too close, way too touchy, for way too long. 

And not being able to move made it so much worse.

At least Mikey’s mitten bandages and April’s small human hands weren’t ones he’d grown to dread. But he kept his eyes wide open on everyone anyway. With his eyes closed in his fucked up state, shadows would replace his family and he didn’t think he would be able to hide his reaction.

They weren’t expecting him to talk right then though, so he had time to freshen up as the audience’s attention went elsewhere.

Splinter’s jaw tightened, but he doesn’t take his gaze away from Leo as he asked, “Do his other injuries have something to do with why he is not speaking well?”

Draxum inclined his head, “Probably.”

“Probably-?!”

“I have done what I could.” The yokai snapped, “But I am an alchemist. Medical feats are within my skillset enough to provide the most essential care, but beyond that is out of my hands.” He waved a hand toward Leo, “He is no longer on death’s door. Anything more would require skills, supplies, and, mainly, equipment that we are sorely lacking.”

Raph’s voice was a low crackle of emotion, his eyes raking Leo’s form and stopping often on Leo’s neck, the smell of fear and distress wafting up in the room, “Then- what do we do? Is there- is there not any kind of mystic magic that could help him?”

Leo never, ever wanted to hear his big brother sounding so unsure again. Not with half his face wrapped in a bandage and a hole in his shell (things that Leo may as well have put there himself-)

Draxum just shook his head, “No. I was able to get a base understanding of his injuries, but finding them and tending to the outside is not the same as tackling the problem on the inside. Mystic tools that could help with internal bleeding are all located within the Hidden City anyway.”

“Wait-“ Mikey looked up, hopeful. “So- can’t we just…take him to a Yokai hospital then?”

Draxum paused, “Well- that’s not entirely out of the question.”

“There’s a “but” somewhere there…” April chewed her bottom lip in worry.

“With the invasion and our collective reputations - admittedly, mainly mine - it would be difficult to get into the Hidden City, let alone one of the better hospitals.”

“But it is possible, then?” Splinter pressed, his tail whipping back and forth behind him.

“…it is.”

“If that’s the case-“ April cut in, “Then each of you needs to get checked out. Don’t think we don’t notice how bad those injuries are!”

Leo took the moment to eye his brothers and- yeah. He noticed earlier, but looking at them even more clearly make it obvious that each of them was sporting some nasty wounds.

The sheepish look shared on their faces was one Leo was more than familiar with, having worn it himself many times. Downplaying was an art that the Hamato family had perfected.

“Indeed.” Draxum agreed with a tired nod, “Again, the equipment at a yokai hospital would be much more thorough than I can be here.”

“Then we should go for it.” Raph stated. And maybe he meant for it to be stronger sounding, but after everything his usually strong voice seemed so thin.

Nevertheless, it was enough, and then everyone was looking at Leo. Mikey and April both squeezed his hands in encouragement.

Spotlight’s on him, then.

One massive, rattling breath that made the room flinch, paired with a slightly bloody smile and a whisper of bravado.

“Let’s do it.”

Leo should have known better, really. He shouldn’t have said anything at all, as the second he put his lot into something, odds were it was going to go bad for him.

The universe had a grand ol’ time of kicking him while he was down. If he had middle fingers, he’d hold them skyward 24/7.

It started simply enough, Splinter taking a disguised Draxum out to the Hidden City to see if any Yokai hospitals would be willing to take Leo, as well as his brothers (because pizza supreme none of them were okay huh-), as patients. Things were rather hectic down there it turned out, with plenty of Yokai getting caught up in the invasion before they managed to close the city off. As a result of the initial attack, though, many of the hospitals were overwhelmed.

This had no affect on the ever growing cloud of guilt weighing Leo down.

Nope. Absolutely not.

…He hoped everyone else they knew got out okay.

They struck gold eventually though, and it wasn’t long until Leo found himself blinking out at a sterile white hospital room - well, white-ish. It still had deep purples and neon greens that Leo had grown to associate with the city, but it, appropriately, seemed much more…clinical. A weird version of a heartbeat monitor droned steadily in the background.

Leo didn’t like it.

He especially didn’t like that they were put in different rooms. Granted, the room he was in right now was pretty small, so it wouldn’t really make sense to stuff him and his brothers in there for treatment, but…

Yeah, Leo didn’t like it.

The nurses assured him that a doctor would be there “swiftly” and then fucked off. That was about forty minutes ago and hey, it’s not like he was complaining or anything but clearly they were a bit fucked up! A bit more urgency would be nice!

The sudden thought of strangers looming over him, poking and prodding at his body, made him rescind that.

“This s’cks.” Leo slurred out.

“Yeah.” Casey replied.

Everyone had split off earlier so that no one had to be alone. Mikey latched onto Draxum, April tagged along with Donnie, Raph had been holding Splinter’s hand the whole ride over, and Casey stayed with Leo.

He was kinda relieved that it was Future Boy with him rather than anyone else. A relative stranger he may have been, he’d also seen Leo at his worst (well, one of his worsts) and still chose to stand next to him. Call him sappy, but he really appreciated it.

He also maintained a respectable distance and kept his hands to himself, so- that was nice too.

Kinda rude of the hospital to make them wait so long though.

“This place is- weird.” Casey said, a grimace on his face that honestly looked kinda familiar now that Leo got a look at it and hey wait they have another human friend with the same name right-

He shook off his concussed musings, and replied with, “Oh good, I thought I was the only one.”

It sounded more like “‘h g’d, thought ‘was one” but Casey got the gist so whatever.

“It’s- the, uh-“ Casey waved a hand, seeming to struggle with the words, “The vibes? They’re…off.”

The snort Leo made at that hurt like hell, but Casey, while super awkward, wasn’t wrong. The vibes there were off, and Leo’s spidey senses had been going off nonstop since they got in.

His last attempt at speaking was a disaster, so he just nodded his head as best he could, regretting it immediately when the action sent pulses of pain through his skull.

“A couple of them were looking at us strangely…” Casey continued, emboldened after seeing Leo agree, “I thought it was because the Commander and I are human, but…they mainly looked at you guys instead.”

Very weird, Leo agreed! He’d never seen any of them before in his life…granted he couldn’t exactly say he had the best track record when it came to remembering people who didn’t have an immediate affect on his life, but still!

The place gave him the same vibes as-

As-

Casey jumped as the heartbeat monitor went off, Leo’s own body betraying the panic that coursed through him suddenly.

“Sensei-?!” Casey scrambled to stand from his seat, hands up and placating as he visibly schooled his face into a more neutral one, “Sens- Leo. Breathe. Breathe.”

It took a few more breaths until Leo got a hold of himself, embarrassingly enough. The drugs and concussion really weren’t helping him in the acting department - just a month ago and people would have been none the wiser of his internal freak out! 

He felt a bit like a magician whose tricks were told to the audience. It wasn’t a good feeling.

“‘m good. ‘m good. S’rry.” Leo mumbled, face heated in shame. Hopefully Casey thought his panic was from the Krang, and not something so- so meaningless.

He couldn’t even think about- about the docks and the hotel without freaking out, huh?

Leo was normally better at this.

Guess being back in a similarly “vibe’d” place did that to a guy.

Casey shook his head emphatically as he sat back down, “No, you don’t need to be sorry-“

And then the door swung open.

It was a dragon yokai, kinda like that one mafia boss he and Mikey had fought against at Hueso’s, only this one was green instead of red.

He was, however, just as tall, and just as burly. Leo would even go so far as to call him pretty damn good-looking if he wasn’t about to puke.

He barely processed the team of nurses that came in with the doctor, though the addition of a crowd did nothing to calm Leo down.

Casey reaching out to hold his hand did, though, so he got his breathing down to manageable levels.

“You th’ doc?” Leo wheezed out.

The dragon yokai’s gaze settled on him like a weight, and a brisk nod is what he received, “I am.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Hamato, you’re in good hands!” A bird nurse assured enthusiastically, though their words made Leo cringe internally on multiple fronts.

First, being called “Mr. Hamato” made him feel ancient, so no thanks.

Second…he’d rather not think about being in anyone’s hands but his family’s and a select few others, thank you very much.

The doctor took one more intense look at Leo before turning on his heel and heading out the door, snapping his fingers with a brisk, “Wheel him.”

Things got dizzy for Leo very quickly as the nurses moved him down the hall, Casey keeping pace with the gurney as Leo was blinded by the funky hospital lights overhead.

“You’re gonna be okay, Sensei, you’re gonna be okay.” Casey seemed to be muttering more to himself than to Leo, but Leo accepted the comfort anyway.

He thought he heard the sound of his dad’s voice call out a question, and maybe Casey answered, but everything was catching up fast to Leo.

The last thing that ran through his mind was both the acknowledgment of a weird purple light enveloping his body and the hope that he woke up untouched.

Consciousness became a blur to him after that, and he belatedly realized that oh- he was on some heavy drugs.

So heavy he couldn’t move.

He couldn’t-

Couldn’t-

Where was he? Who was with him- hands were on him why were they- Where was his family-?!

Time apparently worked differently when you were drugged up, because- he did see his family. Kinda. Sometimes. They seemed to blur in and out of existence, first Casey, then Splinter, April, and even Draxum. 

Maybe they decided on a rotation for who got to stay with who.

Eventually, he could more clearly make out sentences.

“Um, hey, Leo? It’s gonna be okay, you’re okay, they’re doing some funky magic stuff to you right now. You’re gonna be pissed you missed something so magical- yeah, no, that was a bad pun, even for us.” That was April.

“He should be awake by now- do not look at me like that, he’s a genetically modified super soldier made by The Ba- ahem.  I am just saying. He should be awake.” Draxum.

“Sens- dammit- Leo, I’m back. Uh. Things are still pretty- weird, here. That feeling hasn’t gone away. Everyone seems to be feeling that way, actually. Don’t worry! I’ve been keeping a close watch on every thing I can, you can count on me.” Casey, whispering.

“My son…you’re so quiet. A much more common occurrence than your brothers may realize, but…it is much different, like this. This silence is much too loud for this old man’s ears.” …Dad.

And then-

“Letting us in one at a time like this- I don’t see the point if barely anyone else is here. It’s not like we’d be getting in the way- ugh. Nevermind, it doesn’t matter, I guess. They used “magical” equipment on us - and just so you know, I did use air-quotes - which personally I believe must be an affront to medical experts everywhere, but, I will admit, it has done its work. …I bet you’d like it, though, so- wake up soon, dumb dumb.” That was Donnie, so his brothers must have been given the clear.

That was good.

Everything was fine.

“I’m- I’m really proud of you, little brother. You pulled through, y’know? You’re a hero. Ha- I’ll toast a slice with you after this, okay? …maybe- maybe next time something big happens, don’t- don’t do that. I’m proud of the work you did but- you never have to sacrifice yourself, okay? Okay?! Don’t you ever do that again, please, Raph can’t- ah- sorry, okay, doc, sorry, I’ll go-“ Raph…

And, finally-

“Hey, Leo?” Mikey…whispering, weirdly enough. “I’m- I’m glad we’re all fixed up, but- I’m getting super weird vibes. I talked about it with Casey, and- yeah it’s weird. Usually the Hidden City is fun, but- this place is weird.” He paused. “Well- mostly one guy. The doctor. Everyone else is kinda just- there. The doc is almost always in your room. I don’t like it, but no one is saying anything against it, so- maybe it’s okay? I don’t know. I just- wake up soon, okay? I miss you.” There was a light slap against his shoulder, “And don’t think you’re getting out of this without a Dr. Delicate Touch lecture!”

Again and again, his family came in shifts to visit him, and somewhere in his mind he wished he was awake enough to thank them.

Interspersed throughout this was a whole lot of nothing - well, nothing as in no one he knew besides doctors and nurses.

And the doctor.

Often alone.

A lot.

And it is that same doctor who Leo woke up to.

He blinked hazily up at the man, the dragon looking down at a clipboard and not making a sound. His eyes snapped over to Leo’s.

Leo swallowed, his throat achy and dry.

“Water?” The doctor asked, immediately holding a cup up to Leo’s mouth.

Leo’s throat hurt too bad to say “no thanks buddy” so he sucked it up and drank.

He didn’t like how intently the doctor was looking at him.

He also didn’t like how the doctor wasn’t letting up with the water. Leo ended up choking, water splashing from his mouth and over his chin.

“Oh, fuck-“ Leo gasped, catching his breath, “Sorry about that.”

Why the hell was he apologizing??? It was the doctor who forced the evil water onto him, it wasn’t Leo’s fault! …At least it seemed like he could speak easier now, if not just quietly.

The doctor hummed, just- looking at Leo with red eyes.

And-

And-

Leo knew that look.

He’d seen it before.

Leo shot up, the pain in his body overshadowed by sudden animalistic panic.

“Where‘s- where’s my family-?!” Leo demanded as loud as he could.

His voice was nothing but a whisper.

“Visitors are not allowed to spend the night in a patient’s room.” Is the answer he got.

“I-“ Leo moved to cough in his fist, his throat still aching something fierce.

“You should not talk much.” The doctor was closer. A clawed finger reached out, and Leo’s flinch was not enough to stop the man from caressing the slider’s neck. “This ring of bruises did quite the damage.”

Bruises-? Oh, when Raph- no, one freakout is enough-

His heart beating loud in his broken chest, Leo tried to get up. “Well, thanks for the- uh- for the aid, doc, but I should be going now-“

A large hand pushed him back down.

Easily.

“You’re in no position to leave.” The doctor‘s words felt much more horrifying than they should’ve.

Leo’s breathing went up a notch. “Yeah, well, I’m a generally- no, fuck, genetically enhanced- or was it engineered- fuck whatever, I heal fast, okay man?! I’m good to go, and-“

And then he was on his shell, and his hands were held above his head with one claw. One arm screamed in pain, joining the ringing in Leo’s head.

“You know-“ The dragon started, and Leo couldn’t move as the thin blanket was pulled off his person, “I don’t believe you are aware of what position you’re in.”

His claws ran down Leo’s front lightly, even the soft pressure sending agony through Leo’s body.

“When my cousin talked of a pair of turtles besting him at that skeleton’s restaurant, I did not expect you to look like this.” His large body moved onto the cot, and Leo couldn’t move as his legs were parted unwillingly, “Of course, you and your brother were always going to get what was coming to you. I’ve just decided to give it to you in a…different way.”

He- he was always planning on hurting Leo and Mikey? What-?

(In the back of his mind, Leo, terribly, thought that at least the dragon wasn’t planning this for his baby brother.)

“Of course, I’ve heard about you elsewhere.” A sharp snout came down, and Leo couldn’t move as teeth scratched his neck, “Allies from the docks spoke of a- excuse my language- a “pretty, but flighty turtle slut.””

Leo couldn’t breathe.

“And to know they never had you- well.” A claw goes down, and Leo couldn’t move as the sound of a zipper echoes through the room, “That means this will hurt.”

And it did.

It did.

It did.

And Leo. Couldn’t. Move.

His strength, powers, will- everything went blank for him as his body was pierced open.

The draconic monster paid no mind to any pain Leo may have been in, filling the slider up immediately. Relentlessly. With an aim to hurt.

And, horribly, while he knew there wasn’t pleasure because it hurt, hurt, hurt so bad he couldn’t even scream, he couldn’t help but fear that pleasure is what the pain would turn into, that somehow, somehow, some part of him will trick himself into wanting this in any way - which just like- like last time- only made it worse.

“I wonder- with your- ah- body, would you carry eggs?” The dragon sped up, “Aren’t you curious if a Yokai and mutant could mate? Those at- ah- the Nexus discuss it quite often.”

That-

That was-

The ringing in Leo’s head intensified. A new brand of horror welled up within him, making him sick, sick, sick.

And yet, in the back of his mind, Leo thanked whatever ancestors were listening that that camera from before was broken. That more people didn’t see him like that. He tried in vain to hold onto that small victory even as he was taken again, and again, and again.

It was agony. His body wasn’t anywhere ready for such an act yet- regardless of it being covered in wounds.

The doctor didn’t care, he took as he pleased, not a sound escaping him other than grunts of satisfaction as he went in for more, more, and Leo-

Leo just looked blankly at the hospital lights above them.

He wondered where his family was. He wondered where the rest of the staff was. Were they in on it? The doctor was the cousin of that mob boss- did he have that much control to do as he wanted?

Was this even a hospital?

Was that gang going to go after Hueso, too?

What about Mikey-?

Leo heard the door slam open. Everything went silent.

The dragon was ripped out of him.

Leo gasped, the sharp pain shooting his presence back into him as he attempted to sit up, all thought leaving him except to cover up, cover up, cover up-

As soon as he got the thin hospital sheet safely covering his lower half, he looked at the corner of the room, toward the sound of fists shattering bone.

It took a while longer for him to process what he was seeing, then a bit after that to recognize what he was hearing.

“HOW DARE YOU-!!” Mikey screeched, fists flying and the bandages on them dyed a bright red. Orange bright-hot chains held the dragon down, the man barely conscious after such vicious attacks.

Mikey didn’t let up, and Leo could see tears overflowing from his baby brother as the boxshell unleashed blow after blow.

“How dare you- HOW DARE YOU!!!!” Mikey continued screaming, effortlessly throwing off the nurses who tried to pull him away. Words eventually seemed to leave him as he resorted into hisses instead.

Leo watched, and a sense of zen washed over him.

“Mikey-?!” Leo heard Raph gasp, thundering footsteps echoing before the snapper crossed Leo’s vision, grabbing the hissing boxshell by the shell.

“Nardo-“ Leo blinked and turned his head slightly, smiling dazedly at Donnie. Donnie looked at the bloody form in the corner with narrowed eyes before turning his attention back to the slider. “What happened? I’m already positive the man deserved it, but Mikey doesn’t exactly beat people like that.”

“It’s okay.” Leo replied, head still floating a bit.

A weird look crossed Donnie’s face. “That didn’t exactly answer my question, you know.”

“It’s okay.” Leo repeated, slowly leaning back onto the pillow.

Donnie furrowed his brows, mouth open to answer when Mikey’s movements kicked up their intensity in his attempt to escape Raph’s grasp.

“It’s NOT okay!!!!” Mikey screamed, struggling more even as he cried harder.

“Mikey-“ Raph yelped, struggling himself to keep a hold on the boxshell, “What is going on with you, bro-?! First you leave all of a sudden and now-“

“This monster-!” Mikey spat, pointing a bandaged hand down at the unconscious, bloody dragon. “He- he was on top of Leo-!!”

And that kicked off several things.

First, Raph dropped Mikey, the boxshell holding his arms close to himself as fresh sobs escaped him.

Second, the rest of their family made it to the scene, all exclaiming various things at the sight.

Third, the railing of the cot broke off under Donnie’s grip. The softshell was deathly quiet.

Fourth, Leo smiled down at Mikey.

“It’s okay.” 

Raph slowly looked over at Leo, tears of his own running down one side of his face.

“What…?” The snapper’s voice cracked.

“It’s okay.” Leo’s smile grew, “He didn’t finish.”

And then he passed out.

When he woke up, he was home.

Chapter Text

When he woke up, he was home. 

There was a numbness settled over Leo. Everything hurt, he was exhausted, and there was a weight on his chest that was crushing, crushing, crushing him down.

But he opened his eyes anyway, because he was fucking tired of sleeping.

Ha. Tired. Of sleeping. Haha.

Ugh.

With nothing but a dull haze keeping him afloat, he took in his surroundings, a steady beep echoing out unpleasantly somewhere nearby.

For a second, he thought he’d wake up to his family crowded around him, either speaking all at once or sleeping quietly (well, as quiet as Splinter’s snores could be) at his side. It was what he got before, after all. Before-

Before…

Instead, it wasn’t like last time. Right then, it was quiet, sure, and if Leo’s eyes had remained closed he could assume that his family was just asleep. But the two people with him were wide awake.

Mikey and Casey looked back at him, owl-eyed  and silent in a way that made Leo itchy. He stared back, and the weight on his chest crushed him a little more when they averted their gaze.

Leo swallowed dryly, his throat aching and hoarse as he felt compelled to ask, “You guys okay?”

Mikey’s jaw clenched. His body shook and he kept his eyes down at his bandaged hands. He stayed quiet.

It was Casey that eventually responded.

“How are you feeling, Leo?” Future Boy asked, which, hey that definitely wasn’t an answer to Leo’s question but whatever. At least he got a response.

Still-

“Are we back home?” Leo wondered out loud, ignoring the question to his question.

Two could play at that game, and Leo was a seasoned pro at it.

Besides, it should be obvious what the answer was. Leo felt like shit. But that response was better suited for small things, like a stomachache or a migraine. Not whatever was wrong with his leg, his shell, his- his-

His what?

Nothing. Nothing.

Mikey’s face darkened at Leo’s words, his mouth opening and closing but nothing came out. Never has Leo known his baby brother to be so muted before.

Leo’s gut churned at the knowledge that he caused that.

“Okay-“ Leo started when even Casey didn’t respond to him. He looked around, and as his brain slowly caught up with reality he noticed he was back on the cot in the closest thing to a medbay they had. That explained the beeping.

Leo wanted to leave.

But he felt like making a request like that would be the wrong way to go, just looking at how…tense Mikey and Casey seemed to be. Especially Mikey.

Leo wanted to do something to ease the tension, to make it so that Mikey finally said something to him- anything. Mikey was as much a talker as Leo was, it felt…it felt wrong to see him so quiet.

But when Leo opened his mouth to try and lighten the mood, his body betrayed him, forcing hacking coughs from his mouth that echoed cruelly throughout the quiet room.

He curled up on himself, his fit spurring the others to crowd around him, eyes wide and hands splayed out over his shoulders, not touching him. His throat ached, feeling as though it was being squeezed with each shuddering cough.

As his fit finally died down, there was a sound of plastic crackling next to him. When he blinked the tears away from his eyes to see, he found a water bottle being held in front of his face.

“You must be thirsty...” Casey mumbles, looking so guilty and concerned. He shook the bottle a little, “Do you want some water-“

“No.” Leo snapped, phantom liquid spilling out past his chin, choking him, red eyes watching. “No, no I don’t, I don’t want- I don’t want it-“

That was how it started before, before, before-

He swallowed tightly, eyes looking off into the distance. “I don’t want it.”

His throat was dry as sandpaper.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Casey go as tense as a statue, mechanically nodding as he slowly moved the bottle away. Next to him, Mikey was curled up, shaking, his bandaged hands over his head as still not a single sound left him.

“Sorry-“ Leo forced out, “Sorry, guys, I-“ He needed to pivot this conversation, Mikey’s shaking was getting worse. “Where’s- where’s everyone else? Just, uh, just you two on Leo watching duty?”

Casey managed to drag his head up, eyes boring into Leo’s in a way that had Leo focus his attention just past the guy instead.

“I can go get them, if you want.” Casey said quietly, an odd reluctance to his tone. “Most everyone should still be here…”

‘Why aren’t they here?’ is a question that almost slipped past Leo’s lips, but he held his tongue. Many thoughts flit through his head as to why his family was staying away, and- no, no thanks, he needed to focus on something else now-

The door opened then. And the quiet of the room was hit by the echoes of distant noise, the contents of which sending a spike of panic right through Leo’s chest.

Yelling voices pushed their way into the room as April slipped in, a wince on her face as she sent a look over her shoulder. Turning her attention back to the room’s inhabitants. Her eyes widened when she noticed Leo awake, and she quickly moved to shut the door to silence the distant argument occurring.

Leo was just able to make out a few words before being shut out. 

“Can’t believe- …You already-“

“Don’t risk this- …-can’t be trusted!”

If he was right, the voices were Raph and Donnie, but they weren’t yelling at each other. Someone else seemed to be getting the brunt of their anger.

More power to them. Leo can’t imagine being on the receiving end of those two’s rage. He doesn’t want to imagine it, either.

Panic still had his heart racing, the need to know what was wrong fighting with the need to get away, away, and even as he tried to summon a grin for April so she’d stop looking at him like that, all he could hear was a cruel scream echoing in the grey abyss in his mind.

“Wipe that grin off your face!”

He kept the building blocks of his grin in place anyway. Things were getting out of hand already, and he didn’t want to deal with anything anymore.

“Heyyy, April.” Leo greeted with a wave that sadly did absolutely nothing to lessen the tension of the room. “How ya been? S’been a while. I think. Not sure actually how- uh, how long it’s been, actually.”

His words got faster near the end there as he noticed the immediate negative effect it had. His hoarse voice did him no favors.

His throat hurt.

April’s wince returned full force at Leo’s pathetic attempt to lighten the mood. She struggled to summon a shaky smile of her own and eugh boy, if that’s what Leo’s smile looked like no wonder no one calmed down.

“Hey, Leo.” April walked over to the cot, taking an empty seat and sending a not so subtle look of worry at Mikey’s curled up form as she did. She turned back to address Leo with some difficulty, “You may wanna get something to drink, man. You sound kinda wrecked.”

Mikey and Casey tensed further at that, as though Leo was going to just- fly off the handle at the sheer mention of a drink.

Well, jokes on them!

“I’ll grab some tea later.” Leo stated as confidently as he could, ignoring how April’s eyes drifted to the water bottle in Casey’s white-knuckled grip.

“Okay.” April replied. She clearly wanted to say more, but every time it seemed she was about to, something stopped her. Her glasses still had a crack in them that did nothing to hide the redness of her eyes.

The room fell back into silence, feeling empty for all their party gained another guest. The heartbeat monitor droned on and on. Leo was getting sick of the sound.

He shifted a little to sit up straight, nearly whiting out as his shell twinged and something lower smarted. He felt something cloth-like between his legs. He won’t think about it. Any of it. Nope. Locked away. Far away. With everything else, thanks.

Casey sucked in a breath, noticing Leo’s poorly hidden wince of pain. “Leo, are you hurting? Do you need more painkillers?”

Leo shook his head immediately, “No- Ah, nah, nah, it’s nothing I can’t handle. ‘Sides, I don’t wanna be loopy.”

“Are you sure? You look so pale-“

“I said no.”

Everyone froze.

Goddammit, Leo kept fucking up. He didn’t want painkillers, because drugs never led to anything good, but guess it was too damn much for Leo to let everyone know in a less asshole-y way!

The result of Leo’s most recent fuckup were immediately shown when Casey stood up suddenly, his jaw clenched tight as the water bottle creaks in his grasp.

“I’m- I’m gonna be right outside. Okay? Right outside the door.” His strangled words were all he left them with before he raced out the door, barely letting the sound of fighting outside get in before near silence is forced upon them once again.

Leo shut his eyes tight, smile automatically trying to come up to shield him- shield them- whatever it wasn’t working anyway. “Fuck. Sorry. I’m sorry.”

April reached out but hesitated before actually touching him. Leo just grabbed her hand himself. She looked like she needed it, made apparent with the way her breath hitched and her finger closed around his.

On the other side of the cot, Mikey watched with wide eyes, still so horribly quiet that Leo wanted to cry. He offered his other hand to his baby brother, hoping to have any sort of interaction with Mikey. Anything to make sure the boxshell knew he was there for him.

Mikey’s eyes got teary, but he reached out to grab hold of Leo’s hand all the same. His bandaged fingers were less wrapped up than before, but his knuckles were doubly so. Leo lightly ran a thumb over the white cloth, a surge of gratefulness flowing through him that he didn’t know what to do with.

His little brother kept bailing him out, huh?

The heartbeat monitor kept beeping.

“What’s with the fighting, out there?” Leo finally asked, curiosity and the need to distract himself getting the best of him. “Are Raph and Donnie okay? They sounded pissed.”

Mikey looked away at that, biting his lip, but April squeezed Leo’s fingers, responding with a tired, “They…they’re having a- a disagreement with Splints right now.”

Leo frowned, confused. “Uh, what kind of disagreement?”

“Well-“

The door burst open, Donnie prowling into the place and looking as though he was just barely refraining from hissing. Raph stomped in after, clearly trying and failing to force away the dark shadow of anger on his face. Behind them, Casey looked back into the room, wide eyed and a little panicked.

Donnie and Raph froze when they noticed Leo awake.

“Oh- Leo.” Raph gasped, apparently fighting between making himself bigger or smaller as he walked over, the picture of broken desperation and guilt. The look on his face- “You’re up! How- how ya doing, bud?”

Half the snapper’s face was still wrapped in bandages. His shell still had a hole. Yet he looked at Leo like he was breakable, like he needed help. It was…frustrating.

Maybe it was that frustration that made him able to respond with a “I’m all good, how’s your eye?”

The tension in the room was a major character at this point for all it lit up at his words.

Raph’s eye ridges furrowed, a hand coming up to touch where bandages wrapped around his eye. “Oh. Uh. It’s okay. I’m okay.” He looked back at Leo with a heartbreaking amount of concern that made Leo sick. “Are you sure you’re okay? After…after what happened-“

“I’m fine.” It didn’t matter. “Just a bit beat up, okay?” He always expected it. “What are you and Dad fighting about?” Changing the subject.

The elephant in the room was going to stay ignored. Forever, if he had any say about it. No need to acknowledge something so inevitable.

And luckily for Leo, Donnie’s aggravation and need to complain always overcame all else.

“Dear Papa has decided that he knows best, despite Raph and I’s obviously better judgement.” The softshell hissed.

Donnie hands crinkled the sleeves of his hoodie as he hugged himself, not once looking at Leo since he and Raph had stormed in. He seemed horribly upset, and Leo was scared he was about to have two silent brothers soon.

“O-kay? Still doesn’t tell me anything, dude.”

Donnie let out a growl, shoulders hunching up when Leo can’t quite withhold a flinch at the sound. Instead of answering, Donnie moved to sit on the floor by the cot, hood up and back turned to the rest of them, his clothed shell not quite touching the cot.

Raph sighed, heavy and so tired. “You- we- …We don’t have good equipment. Here. For yo- for big injuries.”

Leo could guess what he was getting at. “Okay…so Dad’s…what, going to get some for us?”

He hoped they caught the deliberate emphasis on “us”. No way his brothers were as okay as they were pretending to be.

Donnie scoffed, exhaustion and derision dripping from his tone. “Yes. And not from just anyone. He decided that the best course of action was to ask Big Mama.”

Leo’s blood turned to ice.

“I thought we were over trusting her with anything.” April huffed, her voice sounded warped through Leo’s rising panic.

“Pops says we don’t have a choice. Draxum agreed, but- but we shouldn’t risk this!” Raph’s voice rose, not quite able to keep a hold on his anger. “Leo- We- It’s barely been a week since the- we just can’t!”

Leo had to get a grip, fast, before anyone noticed the uptick of his breathing. Anyone beside Mikey, who clumsily squeezed Leo’s hand, a look of concern in his eyes that only made Leo panic more because if it was obvious he was freaking out then everyone would wonder why and he just wanted to forget about all of this-

His throat spasmed, and he let go of April and Mikey’s hands to curl into a cough. The voices in the room silencing the second the first hack left his system. When his second fit of the day passed, he looked up to see everyone focused on him, as though he was one breath away from disappearing.

“Sorry-“ His cracking voice was somehow more whole than his accompanying grin, “Continue, hermanos, don’t mind me.”

They did not continue.

“Leo, that looked like it hurt, are you sure you’re okay?” April asked tentatively, eyebrows scrunched together in so much concern.

“Don’t bother asking him that.” Before Leo could say anything, Donnie spoke up with a bitterness that had no right to sound so hurt. “He’s just going to say that he’s “fine” when that clearly isn’t the case.”

“Dee…” Raph tried to say something, but he trailed off.

Leo needed to come to his own defense, “Well, I am okay. Yeah, I’m a bit fucked up right now, but I’ll get better!” He let a bit of his budding anger shine through, “Probably faster than the rest of you! Stop focusing on me, guys, I know you’re all hurt too.”

Seeing his family neglect themselves because of him was not a good feeling. Far from it. It was like Leo was the only one who remembered the message of “it’s not about you” and everyone else learned the opposite lesson and changed it to “it’s all about Leo.”

It made him feel terrible, pushing his family to neglect themselves over things that were always bound to happen. It was pointless, he’d bounce back like he always did!

“Are you serious?” Donnie hissed, finally looking at Leo with so much emotion it nearly knocked him over, “‘A bit fucked up’? Leo you almost died, we almost lost you, does that mean anything to you?”

“Of- of course it does? Did you think I wanted to trap myself with tall, pink, and gummy?” Leo spat back, the bottled mess of emotions inside him threaten to spill over. At the averted gazes from the rest of his family, he floundered some more, “But I’m fine now. Yeah, that all sucked, but it’s over! We’re passed it all! We won!”

“We won. But you’re not okay, Leo.” Raph stated, eyes and fists both clenched tightly, “How could anyone be okay with that?”

Leo argued back, shoulders rising as he felt more and more cornered. “You- you can’t just tell me I’m not okay when none of you are looking at yourselves!”

“You think I don’t know I’m not okay?!” Donnie claws were ripping holes into his hoodie, “You think I don’t fucking hate how even wearing this hoodie feels like too much?” His hands let go of his arms to wave about, “You think we aren’t constantly thinking about the state of our home, of our injuries, our trauma?!”

“Exactly! All of those things matter more right now! I’m- yeah I’m not the best right now, but I’m fine. I’m healing! So stop making things about me, it’s not about me-“

“You were raped, Leo!”

That was Mikey.

Mikey, silent the whole time only to finally speak up by acknowledging the elephant in the room.

Mikey, who was looking at Leo with an expression so haunted, too haunted for a face so young.

Mikey, who in one sentence silenced the whole room and cut through the anger, the guilt, like a knife.

“You were raped.” Mikey repeated, bloodshot eyes not leaving Leo’s. “And I- I saw it. That- that monster-“ Mikey was shaking, hands clenched so much that blood welled up through the bandages, “He raped you, in a place you should have been- been taken care of. Leo, you were almost beaten to death, you should have been safe there. But you weren’t! You were raped!”

Leo was good with his words. He was good at hiding how he really felt. He was good at hiding things from his family, as scummy as that made him sound.

He couldn’t quite catch the truth before it fell from his lips, a guillotine at work.

“So?”

Everyone looked at him like he’d just murdered someone, like he’d done something truly unforgivable.

Maybe he had.

He- he didn’t mean to say that.

“I mean- it’s- it’s bad, obviously, I’m- I’m sorry you had to see that Mikey, you should have never had to see that, but-“

“‘So?’” Mikey echoed, tears overflowing in his eyes to fall silently down his cheeks, his face blank.

“What do you mean “so”, Leo?” Raph asked lowly, slowly, the scent of fear and anger filling the room, suffocating them all.

Leo was lost, scared, he didn’t- this was exactly what he wanted to avoid all this time. His family won’t get it, they won’t understand. They only knew of one of the “events”, so they didn’t know yet, how inevitable this all was. How it could have been worse.

But the thought of telling them about the other times made Leo want to throw up. He nearly did, right then and there, because they all knew Leo was raped, Mikey saw Leo be raped, and that vulnerability made Leo sick, sick, sick.

“It could have been worse.” Leo tried to reason, “I’m not dead. And he didn’t- he didn’t finish.” And because the nail to his coffin wasn’t quite hammered in yet, he finished the job. “It didn’t happen to anyone else.”

Donnie left the room.

He didn’t say a word as he did, his body a taut line of shaking emotion while his face told of nothing at all. April looked between the two of them, wearing a gutted expression as she met Leo’s eyes.

Eventually, she left too, racing after Donnie.

Mikey was silent once more, the bandaged, bloody hand pressed tightly over his mouth making him look as sick as Leo felt. He no longer met Leo’s gaze, but he didn’t leave. It was like he was frozen in place.

And Raph…Raph wore an expression Leo had never seen on him before. He couldn’t quite describe it, only knowing that it made Leo feel…horrible.

“Leo…” Raph’s breath hitched, his eyes watery. “You can’t really mean that, right? Right?”

Leo didn’t know what to say. There wasn’t any way to make his family understand without revealing too much. If they’d even get it then, either.

So, he stayed quiet, looking down at his hands where they rested in his lap. He absentmindedly pushed his legs tightly together, heedless of the pain. The beeping droned on and on.

“Leo-“ Leo saw Raph take a step forward from the corner of his eye, but instead of coming close, the snapper hesitated. “I’m…I’m gonna go call Dad. And try to…try to get him to see reason again.”

And then, Raph left.

He passed Casey on the way, the human boy balancing a couple of mugs in his hands as he reappeared in the doorway, eyes wide with worry and confusion.

“Leo?” Casey hesitantly stepped into the room, clearly feeling the residual tension. “I- I got some tea.”

Leo closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before sending a tired smile Casey’s way. “Thanks, Case.”

Casey’s face did something funny at that, but he came forward anyway, holding out one of the mugs for Leo to take.

“It’s hot.” He said, as if the steam coming off of it didn’t say as much.

Leo merely nodded, taking the mug with shaky hands and drinking it down. He had to stop himself from overdoing it, not realizing how thirsty, he really was until he started. A few drops spilled out onto the bed, but no one made mention of them.

“Sorry if it’s not a good type, it was…a bit hard to sort through everything.” Casey said as he moved to hold the other mug out to Mikey, an unsure smile growing on his face when Mikey didn’t look up. “Here, Ma- Mikey. You seemed like you needed it too.”

Mikey still didn’t say anything, but he nodded and took the tea anyway, holding it close to his plastron with shakier hands than Leo. Leo hoped the warmth helped him some.

Casey didn’t ask what happened, merely taking a swig of the bottled water as though it were even more of a luxury than the tea he brewed for them. Hell, it probably was, in his time.

“You had tea in your time?” Leo asked, wincing a bit as he belatedly realized the insensitivity of the question, but Casey seemed unbothered as he nodded in response.

“Yeah, it was common enough for us to have a cup every other week, so I picked up on how to brew it.” Casey replied, as if his statement wasn’t heartbreaking.

Leo nodded along, taking another drink of the tea, an undeserved contentment washing over his bones. “You did good. This is tea-rrific.”

The delivery could have used a lot of work, but Casey snorted at the joke anyway.

They stayed like that for a while, back to the three of them existing in silence. Leo and Casey mechanically took sips from their drinks as Mikey continued to only hold his close. It was as peaceful as things have been since the invasion, and frankly, Leo was going to take what he could get.

Suddenly, the air of the Lair turned static-y, and instinctively Leo knew a portal was used. A familiar type of portal at that. Casey turned to the door in an instant, missing the way Leo’s hands tightened around the mug in his hands.

It wasn’t long before Splinter made his way into the room, lighting up at seeing Leo awake.

“Blue! Oh, my baby Blue, you’re up, good, good.” Splinter said as he came closer, looking so relieved. He frowned when he got a better look at both he and Mikey. “My boys, why are you bleeding through your bandages? Are you okay?”

Leo just shrugged helplessly, not even knowing his wounds opened back up. Mikey didn’t respond at all.

This didn’t seem to deter Splinter, as he went right on to say, “We’ll take care of those in a bit, but for now, I wanted to let you know that we managed to get our hands on some medical equipment.”

“You…went to Big Mama, right?” Leo asked hesitantly.

Splinter nodded slowly, “Yes, but…it was strange.”

“What he means by that is that she didn’t offer any type of deal for it.” Draxum huffed as he pushed a cartful of who knows what equipment through the door. The Yokai glared at Splinter, “I could have used the help moving this, you know.”

Splinter waved him off dismissively, “You had it.” He got a pensive look, then. “But it’s true. Big Mama didn’t ask for any type of deal this time. When she heard what it was for, she merely offered it up. It was…very unlike her.”

“Suspiciously so.” Draxum grumbled, coming closer to begin setting up, failing to hide his look of concern at Mikey’s bloody bandages. 

Leo wanted to think that Big Mama was suddenly being uncharacteristically generous out of her debt to the Hamato Clan, but he knew it was more than that.

To Leo, the equipment given served as a reminder that Big Mama had information his family did not.

Casey hummed, looking confused. “Big Mama always helped Sensei out though…”

“Well, nevermind that.” Splinter said, eying Leo like he’d disappear any moment, “With this mystic equipment, we’ll make sure you heal up right. All of you.” He added, turning to Mikey and Casey both, “Not a single cut will go untreated, you understand?”

They all nodded dutifully, much to Splinter’s satisfaction. But, for all the man tried to keep up a calm persona, Leo couldn’t help but notice the heavy bags under his dad’s eyes, and the slight tremor of his frame.

It had been a hard week for all of them.

Draxum made a thoughtful noise, eyeing Leo in a way that made him want to squirm. “You haven’t tried to stand yet, have you?”

Leo was pretty sure he’d be yelled at for even thinking of it. “Nope.”

Draxum nodded, “Good. Beyond the injuries I’d described to you before, you may also have some inner tearing, so it’s better to not aggravate the wounds more.”

He said it so succinctly, so clinically, that it made Leo feel as though the sudden bile rising in his throat had no reason to be there. He was never as overtly aware of the cotton pad between his legs as he was right then. The softness made his skin crawl.

“Draxum.” Splinter hissed, looking genuinely angry, “Have some tact! Don’t upset Leonardo like that!”

Draxum appeared affronted, “What? I am merely giving medical advice-“

“-That is sensitive information!”

“And you making such a big deal of it is helping how?”

“That’s-“ Splinter shut his mouth, looking guiltily to Leo, who gave his worst attempt at a smile yet, and then to Mikey, whose shaking restarted the second Draxum mentioned tearing. Splinter’s face crumpled. “Just…set everything up.”

He hopped up onto a chair to reach out to Mikey and Leo, gently patting their heads. “Everything will be alright, my sons. We will make it through this.” He moved to squeeze Casey’s shoulder too before he moved toward the door, “I will grab the others, they should get their own injuries looked at as well, now that we have the equipment to do so.” He hesitated in the doorway, tension in his small form before he shook it off, “I will return very soon.”

They all watched as he left, an awkward silence in place as Draxum quickly went to work putting the medical equipment together.

Casey turned toward Mikey, “Uh, Michelangelo, would you- do you mind if I change your bandages?”

Mikey silently set aside his untouched mug and held out his hands as an answer, letting Casey begin the process of painstakingly unwrapping the bloody cloth. As Casey worked, Leo watched, his stomach turning into lead at the sight of Mikey’s hands once they were revealed.

Cracking, bloody scars littered the boxshell’s hands and lower arms, a faint golden sheen shimmering through the blood. The worst damage was on Mikey’s knuckles, the skin bruised black and looking near shredded.

Guilt made Leo want to look away. Guilt made Leo stay looking, because those wounds were because of him. Because he needed his baby brother to protect him.

“I don’t regret it.” Mikey suddenly stated, causing Leo to look up from where Casey was cleaning Mikey’s knuckles. The boxshell’s eyes were hard as they bore into Leo’s. “I wish I could do it again. And again. I wish I got to him before he could hurt you.” He looked away, “I wish I killed him.”

‘I’m glad you didn’t.’ Leo wanted to say. ‘I’m glad you didn’t go that far. Not for me.’

Merely beating up and kicking out a mob boss from a restaurant had been enough for them to want to hurt Leo and Mikey, Leo didn’t want to think about what would happen if Mikey actually murdered someone like that. He could only hope that the display of violence from Mikey was enough to scare the mob away instead of spur them on for vengeance once more.

If they tried anything, Leo would kill them all himself.

But none of that needed to be said. Not then.

“You saved me.” Leo murmured quietly, gaining back Mikey’s attention. “Like I said, he didn’t…he didn’t finish.” A smile, easier to come by than any other that day, laid plainly on Leo’s face. “You have no idea what that means to me. Thank you, Mikey.”

Mikey broke at that, finally devolving into loud sobs even as he kept his hands out for a quiet Casey to finish wrapping. It was the loudest the boxshell had been all day, and it was as relieving as it was heartbreaking to hear.

Leo reached out, running a comforting hand on Mikey’s shaking arm. The feel of scales made his chest ache and his stomach acid curdle, but he ignored them. He wanted to do this.

They stayed like that for a while, Leo with a hand on Mikey’s arm, as Mikey’s hands were tended by Casey and Draxum worked in the background. Even when the others came back in and refused to meet Leo’s eyes, even as Casey finished wrapping Mikey’s arms and Draxum finished setting up the equipment, Leo’s hand stayed comforting Mikey.

It was the least he could do.

It was the most he could do. 

The next few days were hell.