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Chapter Text

Part I: We have been here before

Picture : The heir to Uchiha Weapons Corp., Sasuke Uchiha (19) 

The last Uchiha was seen at the funeral ceremony of his older brother Itachi Uchiha. The young man was accompanied by his guardian and uncle, Uchiha Obito and seen with head of the Hyuga Family, Hiashi Hyuga. The Hyuga family have stood by their friends, the Uchiha, in this time of need as-

[Excerpt from Konoha Daily Newspaper]

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Author's note: Guess who's here, writing another SasuHina story instead of finishing the previous ones and doing her university work?? 

This is a Mafia AU story about SasuHina. It's a bit different than my usual style but I hope people will like it. Anyone who's interested, comment your thoughts because it inspires me to write instead of stopping. If enough people want me to continue, I'll write more. If not, then well. 

Anyways, until next time.

Chapter Text

There's trouble in the air, I can smell it

_________

2024, Konoha City

They say there is no telling when fortune will knock on your door.

A domino effect started by something insignificant you did could pay up to be the best decision you've ever made.

In the metropolitan city of Konoha, it was usually the opposite.

When misfortune knocked on your door, it didn't just rain- it poured.

Konoha wasn't simply a place- one of the most unsafe cities in the world due to the high criminal activity and illegal trades going on, according to international statistics.

It was a pulsing body with each part of it connected; from the rich, upper area of the city, housing politicians and bureaucrats and mafia bosses alike; the sections of the city where normal people lived, trying to make do between the upper and the criminal class of the city, always somewhere in between; right to the downtown area where the homeless or the drunk resided in the grimy alleys, the shabby apartment buildings with the bleak hungry faces of the residents looking out from dark windows and the criminal class in the soothing cover that the darkness and oftentimes rain provided.

There was also the area around Konoha, part of the territory but not under the government's control. It held warehouses and storage for the many industries in the city. Or so it was said. But everyone knew to keep away from places like that. In fact, it was better to keep your head down and mind your own business in Konoha, lest you catch unwanted eyes.

It was another night in a warehouse like the ones mentioned above, when the sleek black car pulled up outside the iron gates. The guard posted on the gates didn't seem surprised by the appearance of the vehicle or by the horrifying sounds coming from inside.

Shikamaru stepped outside the car, motioning for the driver to wait for him. He regarded the warehouse, slowly taking a drag from the lit cigarette in his hand as he thought about something. He eyed the paper-fan on the side of the warehouse, indicating it belonged to Uchiha Weapons and Co.

"What a drag," he muttered, taking one last drag of the cigarette before crushing it underneath his boot. As he exhaled, he brought up his hand to fix his tie before he walked towards the entrance. The guard seemed almost bored as he nodded at him and let him go through.

The warehouse was dimly lit, crates of weapons arranged meticulously. Shikamaru had overseen the unloading of the shipment just two days ago. He also knew what was going on in the warehouse right now.

He made his way to the innermost area of the warehouse, almost like the heart of the place. The room was lit up- so bright it was almost white. Shikamaru squinted as his eyes got used to the light.

There was a man, strapped to the chair directly in the center of the room. He looked worse for wear, bleeding from his mouth and nose. He seemed to be whimpering softly, shaking his head.

In front of him, with his back to Shikamaru, Sasuke was standing tall, hands in his pocket, examining the man strapped. There were two other men standing on either side of the chair, their hands bruised and red.

Sasuke turned partially at the sound of his footsteps, although his features didn't shift from boredom. His dark hair was slightly disheveled on his forehead. "Ah, Shikamaru," he greeted while turning his head back towards the man. "Have you come to see our special guest?"

Shikamaru rolled his eyes as he went to stand next to his boss. Sasuke was so dramatic sometimes. "Do you really have to do the whole villain routine every time?"

"How else am I supposed to have fun?" the other man countered with a smirk. Upon closer inspection, Shikamaru could identify that the man's hands were definitely broken, his nails torn out savagely.

"He spilled the details?" he asked.

"Fucking idiot," Sasuke smirked, his hands emerging from his pocket with a cigarette and a lighter. He placed the cigarette in his mouth and bent his head to light it. He took a drag before speaking again. "He wasn't even working with someone else,"

Ah. "Just ambitious?" Shikamaru guessed.

Sasuke bobbed his head once. "And look where it's gotten him,"

The man seemed to become conscious. "Please," he whispered his voice hoarse- probably from screaming. "Please forgive me, please,"

Sasuke tsked.

"I hate it when they don't die with dignity," he muttered.

He simply turned and started walking away. "Make it quick," he said while looking back to the men standing next to the chair. Shikamaru watched the strapped man, Kaede. He had been stealing from the shipments, in hopes of no one noticing.

But if there was anything Sasuke hated more than his enemies, it was traitors.

He had no interest in watching this man beg before dying, so he followed Sasuke out of the room, into the warehouse.

"You're trying out mercy now?" he asked Sasuke, referring to his orders of making Kaede's death quick.

"I was done playing with my food," Sasuke replied, puffing out smoke. "What the hell brought you here?"

"You weren't in your office,"

"I was bored. I decided to overlook this one's interrogation myself,"

"I need to talk to you,"

"Obviously," Sasuke turned to him, raising an eyebrow. "You would never deign to ruin your shoes in this part of town otherwise,"

Shikamaru sighed. "It's really important,"

"I'm not in the mood," Sasuke said finally.

"I don't give a fuck about your mood," Shikamaru grit out. "You need to see this,"

Sasuke must have sensed the desperation in his voice as he stopped and stared at his face. He threw down the cigarette and sighed. "This better be good or it's going to be you in the chair later,"

"Oh trust me," he said instead.

____________

They drove to Sasuke's house in silence almost. Apart from the occasional sounds coming from outside, the car was silent. But still, it wasn't uncomfortable. It never was.

Shikamaru was used to the young mafia boss's silence and dark moods. It'd been particularly worse since some years and it would only get worse from today, he thought. He involuntarily clenched his fist. His head was still reeling and it'd been 2 weeks since he'd come to know what he was about to tell Sasuke.

Sasuke replied to emails while they drove and for a second, it was so easy to believe that he was just another spoiled CEO who got the weapons company in his inheritance like all the other rich people in Konoha. But then he looked up from the screen, no doubt feeling Shikamaru's stare, and the sharpness of his stare could have cut steel.

Shikamaru knew the things he'd done and the things that had made him who he was today. He saw Sasuke bloody his hands and do the dirty work it took to keep everything- his legal and illegal enterprises- afloat.

But then again, he'd known him for most of his life and he still missed the boy who was more curious than stoic and the young man who smiled with his eyes instead of smirking blankly with his mouth.

"We're here,"

Shikamaru blinked at the announcement from Sasuke and realized that the car had stopped a while ago. Sasuke opened the door and climbed out. Shikamaru followed.

"You're acting like you've been hit in the head Nara," Sasuke remarked as they walked to the house, his tone doing well to conceal his puzzlement. "Are you coming onto me?"

He forced himself to scoff, even if his heart was beating fast and he did not want to break the news to his friend. "As if," he played along, "You're not my type,"

They opened the mahogany doors and he followed Sasuke into the open kitchen, squeaking clean and looking straight out of a magazine catalogue. Sasuke went to the back and brought out a bottle of whiskey with two glasses.

"I can tell this conversation is going to need alcohol," the mafia boss japed.

You have no idea, Shikamaru thought as he watched the other man pour a generous helping in both glasses and hand one to him.

He took a sip as soon as the glass was in his hand and Sasuke did the same, waiting for him to talk. Sasuke's posture suggested relaxed, even if Shikamaru knew he was close to reaching his limit with him.

"Okay, spit it out. What-," Sasuke started when Shikamaru couldn't take it anymore and reached his hand in his jacket pocket and threw out an envelope on the table. It was an unremarkable yellow envelope, used for standard mail.

Sasuke reached towards it and carefully opened the front. Shikamaru averted the gaze to his glass on the table as he sat very still. There was pin-drop silence in the kitchen, aside from the sound of paper shuffling in Sasuke's hand.

The other man stayed quiet for longer than Shikamaru had anticipated. "What is this" Sasuke's tone was deadly.

Shikamaru looked up. Sasuke looked furious. More than that, he looked like he was barely restraining himself from flinging himself onto Shikamaru and ending his life.

"Listen..."

"Is this a joke?"

"Sasuke- It's real,"

No one talked for a moment. Shikamaru continued. "I got these from one of the men I'd stationed to discreetly shadow after I found out,"

"It's simply not possible," Sasuke declared, throwing the photos down.

"I've seen it with my own eyes Sasuke," Shikamaru said with sadness.

Shikamaru watched him pick up the photos again and see them one by one. Sasuke became paler and paler as he continued. "When did you find out?"

"Two weeks ago, when I went to Suna to visit Temari,"

Sasuke nodded once. He calmly put down the photos. "Get out," he said.

"What-?"

Sasuke smashed his whiskey tumbler against the wall opposite to him. "Get out," he screamed.

Shikamaru had the sense to let his feet carry him out of the house. He stopped for a minute at the patio and looked back at the door.

He just had one thought.

God help us all.

_____________

Chapter Text

When the night was full of terror

And you had not touched me yet

• The night we met (Lord Huron)

___________

2024, Suna City

Nights were always chilly in Suna, accompanied by sweltering days. It had taken Hinata some time to get used to after the unpredictable rain showers of Konoha’s metropolitan. But after 4 years, it felt natural for her to withstand the warmth of the desert city.

Still, the nights never failed to give her goose bumps with the chilly breeze like right now. She let her feet touch the floor boards as she moved to close the window she had forgotten. Instead of closing it, she parted the curtain and looked at the dark night outside.

The normally noisy neighborhood seemed deserted at this hour, almost like no one else existed there except for her. A chill went through her, unrelated to the cold. She admonished herself at the thought.

She didn’t need to scare herself.

She glanced at the wall clock, which showed it to be 1 a.m. She sighed tiredly before closing the windows. “Why can’t I sleep?” she asked no one in particular as she decided to leave her room to make a cup of chamomile tea.

Talking to herself had become a habit she developed with no one but a toddler to talk to at home. Speaking of her son, she decided to check on Daiki before making tea. It was a habit of sorts, to check on her son throughout the night, as if he’d vanish if she didn’t.

There had been a lot on anxiety-induced sleepless nights in the last 4 years. The stress related to managing her job, taking care of her son and juggling with paying the utilities that came with a neighborhood as safe and nice as hers- it kept her up sometimes.

And sometimes, she was just lonely- missing so many people.

The sound of Daiki’s heartbeat always grounded her. He was the reminder of everything she was working for; her baby boy, the light of her life.

She moved quietly into the room next to hers. Walking over to the small bed, she looked at her son who slept with quiet, even breaths. She ran a hand to sweep her child’s dark hair off his forehead. He barely stirred.

She smiled as she leaned down to peck his cheek. He was such a deep sleeper, totally unlike her. He’d be energetic as usual in the morning tomorrow whereas she’d barely be holding it together thanks to sleep evading her right now.

Hinata didn’t know why she couldn’t sleep. She just had an anxious feeling in her heart. In Daiki’s green night light, she checked all his windows to ensure they were closed before making her way out, closing the door behind her softly.

“Get it together,” she whispered to herself when the anxious feeling returned. The hallway light was on and she stopped in front of the hallway mirror for a second to look at herself.

The red silk pajama set she’d splurged on last year looked bright against the pale of her skin. Her shoulder length hair was disheveled from the tossing and turning in bed. She looked thin, but still her curves made her look healthier than she felt.

She straightened her tank top and shorts before padding towards her kitchen, where the light was still on.

Strange. She must have forgotten to turn it off before turning in for bed.

Her heart stopped when she turned into the kitchen. In the light of the kitchen, the silhouette of a man was visible, sitting at the kitchen table.

She abruptly thought of the gun she kept in her bedside drawer. Before she could act on the instinct to get it, something familiar about the man’s profile nagged at her mind.

She stopped by the doorway as the man, sitting straight, turned his head to face her.

If she was scared before, she felt her blood turn to ice when she looked at his face. She felt herself growing faint as she staggered a few steps forward and gripped the counter for support while her lips parted in shock. The man’s face was expressionless as he stood from the chair to face her.

It felt like she was trapped in a nightmare, staring at a phantom from somewhere long ago. Her heart thundered and she struggled to draw in a breath.

The man in the immaculate striped suit did not look at all fazed. He did not behave as the intruder he was. No, he simply looked at her before raking his eyes all over her frame.

Finally, her husband met her gaze and smiled the way he used to smile at his enemies to put the fear of God in them. “Hello sweetheart. Did you miss me?”

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Chapter Text

For there to be betrayal, there would have to have been trust first.

• ­The Hunger Games

________________

The last two days had been a blur.

Hinata was pacing around the spacious room she had been confined in for the last day and a half. It was decorated minimally but tastefully. There was a king sized bed of rich wood in the center, headboard leaning against the back wall, blue Egyptian cotton sheets with floral patterns adorning the mattress. A side table was placed on its right, a white modern lamp on it. There was small round table placed near the wall closest to the door, two plush chairs on either side of it. A smaller door led to the attached bathroom.

There were no pictures adorning the walls, the small accessories that had been strewn across the room once were gone. The closet built into the wall was empty of anything except for spare blankets. But Hinata still recognized Sasuke’s old bedroom.

She wondered why he had chosen to keep her a prisoner in his family’s old compound in the Uchiha District. One would think he would throw her inside a dungeon and never look back, from the way he had looked when he brought her here.

She wondered if it was muscle memory that had made him bring her here, into his old bedroom in the compound that he had grown up in alongside his family. Was it was instinct to seek out familiar places when life struck you with such an unexpected and painful wound?

His family was gone, she thought, and she felt the ghost of their presence in the heavy silence that surrounded her.

She stopped pacing with newfound desperation and started banging on the door again, much like she had been doing for the entire time she had been here.

“Sasuke!” she called, “Open this door! Let me out right now,”

There was no response and she banged harder, feeling pain shoot up her hand. “OPEN THE DOOR,” she yelled, tears lacing her voice.

There was still no answer and she felt desperation claw inside her. “Please, open the door. Let me see my son,”

Again, no one answered. She let her tears flow down her cheeks as she sunk down on the floor, leaning her forehead against it. “Bring me my son,” she whispered to herself as she cried.

___________

“Hello sweetheart, did you miss me?” he crooned with mocking in his voice.

“Sasuke,” she whispered her eyes wide and her heart hammering against her chest. How was this possible? What was he doing here? How did he find her?

The smirk on his face dimmed when she said his name and he stood up straight. He turned his head and looked around the kitchen, as if he hadn’t already.

“Cozy place you’ve got here,” he remarked. “Are you trying out minimalism?”

Hinata felt the sting. This humble place she’d set up for herself through the years she’d been here was nothing compared to the home she’d had with Sasuke in Konoha, but it was enough for her.

“Something like that,” she muttered. In truth, she was already spinning possibilities in her mind.

How did he find her? And If he knew about her…did he know about Daiki? It was easy enough to find someone you knew inside and out, but he didn’t know Daiki existed and if not then she could still-

She was feeling afraid. Of him. Of the blank look in his eyes behind his smirk. Of the way his eyes were taking her in as if they were hungry.

But she also could not stop looking at him; he was real, not a dream. He was flesh and bone, his beautiful pale face, sharp angles and elegant lines; his lean build and the regality with which he always carried himself; his pianist’s hands which touched a gun like they could draw music from the deadly metal.

“What are you doing here, Sasuke?” she asked, still not closing the distance between them, but dragging her gaze upwards to look at his eyes.

“Looking for a miracle,” he muttered, more distracted than focused, his gaze dipping to her collarbone and then back up to her face. “And it looks like I found one,”

“You need to-”

“Where’s the kid?” he asked, eyes darkening as he slowly advanced.

Hinata’s blood chilled. He knew. If she was afraid, she was positively terrified now as she backed away and ran. She wasn’t going to let him take her son from her.

She could hear his steps behind her. She had the advantage that she knew her way around the house and he didn’t. She made it to Daiki’s room and locked the door behind her, barely making it before Sasuke.

“Hinata,” he called from the other side. “Open the door,”

She could feel the adrenaline. She looked around the room for anything that could be used as a weapon. There were only Daiki’s toys here. Fuck. She should have gone to get her gun from her bedroom before coming here.

But then he would have found Daiki and she couldn’t have done anything.

And she knew she could never hurt Sasuke. The gun would have been useless anyways.

She started looking for a way out before Sasuke inevitably burst through the door. She knew him asking her to open the door was simply courtesy.

Another bang against the door. “Open the door Hinata,” he called, impatience lacing his voice. “You know this can’t hold me,”

“You need to leave us alone,” she told him from the other side. “Go back,”

She heard him laugh. “You’ve been left alone long enough sweetheart,” his voice called, full of promise. “You’re coming back with me now,”

She went to Daiki’s window and opened it, looking out of it to see if she could possibly take him and make a run for it. The window was high up, but she wouldn’t be injured too severely if-

The door slammed against the wall as the lock broke. Sasuke looked severely pissed off as he stalked inside the room, straight towards the small bed and stood in front of it. Hinata rushed towards the bed from the window.

But Sasuke made no move to grab her or Daiki, as he stood and watched the little boy- who was still miraculously asleep despite all the noise. Hinata’s heart ached at the wonder on his face as he looked at their son.

“What’s his name?” he asked, leaning down and gently touching the little boy’s cheek.

“Daiki,” she whispered, despite her fear, despite her worry.

They both didn’t say anything as he watched their son quietly, his face blank.

Sasuke stood like that for a while before he straightened; his eyes harsh. “Gather what you need before I burn down this place. We’re leaving,”

________________

Hinata wasn’t aware of dozing off, but she woke abruptly when there was movement against the surface she was asleep on. She realized she was asleep leaning against the door, and that someone was trying to push it open.

She scrambled back on her hands and feet as the door opened, revealing a dark haired figure. She expected it to be her husband, who had been the one who drag her to the room in the darkness of the night and had left her there.

Instead, Shikamaru stood there. The boy she had known in college was still somewhere in his looks, even if his hair was longer and he had a small goatee now.

“What are you doing on the floor?” he asked as greeting as he came inside, carrying a takeout paper-bag. It smelled delicious and Hinata realized she hadn’t eaten anything in the time she’d been here.

“Shikamaru,” she said, tasting his name on her tongue after so long, before she scrambled up and despite everything, pulled him into a hug.

He stiffened, before she felt him wrap his free arm around her, returning her embrace. “Hey Hinata,”

They stood like that for a minute, before Hinata lowered herself from her tiptoes and stepped back. “What are you doing here?” she asked. It was strange, if pleasant, to see him here. He had been a political advisor the last time she had seen him almost 3 and a half years ago. To see him here, as if he were a lackey of her husband’s organization was strange.

“Oh right,” he told her, closing the door firmly behind him and placing the takeout bag on the round table. “I work with Sasuke now,”

She noticed how he didn’t say for. He displayed an equal working relationship.

“What?”

He shrugged. “The political situation in this city’s fucked up enough as it is. Sasuke’s a good boss,”

Hinata felt her breath catch. “Then you know where Daiki is,” she whispered. “Shikamaru, please…help me. I’ll take him and disappear. I won’t be any trouble. Just…take me to him,”

His face hardened. “I can’t do that,”

“He’s my son,” she said, an edge to her voice.

“He’s also Sasuke’s son,” Shikamaru told her firmly. “What you did to him was fucked up,”

Hinata felt her temper rise, despite knowing Shikamaru was the only one who would be showing her kindness anytime soon.

“You found us,” she whispered. “You told him about Daiki,”

Shikamaru didn’t contradict her. “He had to know,”

“You couldn’t have left us in peace,” she said while shoving Shikamaru. He stepped back.

“I didn’t come here to argue, Hinata,” he said, sighing. “I came to give you this,” he gestured to the food “And to tell you that Daiki’s okay,”

“Then why won’t he let me see him?”

“Because he doesn’t really trust you anymore,” Shikamaru said with the anger returning. “He’ll come and talk to you once he’s not preoccupied with other things. He’ll decide what to do with you then,”

Hinata didn’t say anything else as she watched the genius boy she’d grown up with leave her behind with a coldness that surprised her.

She thought about what Shikamaru had said. Sasuke would decide what to do with her once he wasn’t preoccupied with other tasks. It was as if she was an old possession he didn’t know what to do with anymore. Sasuke would be her judge, jury and executioner.

And she knew him well enough to know that his sentence would never be kind.

The door locking sounded like a death sentence.

_______________

Chapter Text

We are born to carry a cursed pattern and be transformed by pain.

― Jeff Buckley

_____________

The house was so quiet that the creak of his steps on the antique wooden floors was obvious and loud. It made him feel like he was intruding, even if he was there under the owner’s instructions.

There was something sad about the Uchiha compounds- the remnants of an old dynasty that came to an abrupt end, leaving behind a small echo, a reflection of what used to be. The remnant being the mobster with eyes of onyx and hands trained to kill.

He often thought Konoha was a curse on earth.

Konoha was a trial sent down by the Gods, a way to weed out the weak and worthless from the bloodthirsty and ambitioned. And if Konoha was a trial of the Gods, then Sasuke was a tragic Greek hero, destined to live out his destiny and suffer for it.

Shikamaru walked through the empty compounds after seeing Hinata- alive and whole- after almost 4 years. It had left a bitter taste in his mouth, seeing the desperation and tears in her eyes, even though he was angry at her too.

But simultaneously, he didn’t blame her for leaving behind Konoha- not if she had a child to protect.

Speaking of which-

He walked out of the compounds, making his way towards his car parked outside. He sat in the driver’s seat and sighed. Starting the car, he turned away from the compound. A ringing signaled an incoming call.

Sasuke Uchiha

The Bluetooth display showed him the name of the caller. He sighed before swiping and accepting the call.

“What?” he asked, keeping his eyes on the road that would lead him to his destination.

“Where are you?”

Sasuke’s tone was clipped and Shikamaru couldn’t gauge any emotions in his voice.

“I’m heading out of the compounds,” he informed his boss. “Why?”

There was silence from the other end. “Don’t leave the house again,” the other man warned.

Shikamaru felt his temper rise. His employer could be insensitive and an asshole but that didn’t mean Shikamaru was going to follow every one of his commands. He wasn’t his lackey.

“The kid was asleep,” he said, louder now. “And Hinata needs to eat. Or do you plan to starve her to death?”

“Don’t fuck with me right now,” Sasuke warned, temper rising. “Just do this one thing I asked you to,”

“And let me remind you again,” Shikamaru cut in, “I’m not a goddamn baby sitter,”

Sasuke was silent on the other end. “Please,”

Shikamaru felt all his anger leave him at the word. That was a word he’d not heard from Sasuke in a long time. “Sasuke, what are you even doing?”

“Tying up loose ends. I just need a little more time,” the other man said. “Don’t worry about…her. Just stay with the kid,”

“Goddamnit,” Shikamaru muttered. “What a drag,”

The call disconnected and Shikamaru pulled up in front of the house he had been driving to. For a moment, after turning off the ignition, he sat and stared at the front door.

He hadn’t come here often, only on dire situations or when Sasuke needed his expertise in the early or late hours. But he had been here since yesterday, playing babysitter.

“Gods,” he muttered before picking the grocery bag in the passenger seat and making his way inside the house. Checking his watch confirmed that he had been gone less than an hour.

“Google said kids nap a lot,” he muttered as he deposited the bag on the counter and started taking things out of it. He took out the pudding packs, the bananas and the various assortments of food he’d deemed suitable for children after his research on the web.

He made his way inside the bedroom where he’d left the sleeping boy. He was a small thing, the toddler. Shikamaru marveled at him as he still slept, face buried in the pillow and hair falling over his cheek.

“Hey there little guy,” he muttered, coming to sit on the edge of the bed near the child. He thought of last night, how Sasuke called him here.

____________

The frantic buzzing of his phone woke him up. He was confused as he leaned up on his elbow and reached for his phone. It was vibrating.

The caller showed Sasuke.

It also showed 8 missed calls from the man.

He picked up the phone, pressing it to his ear. “Hello?”

“I need you to come to my house,” Sasuke said calmly.

“What the fuck?” he asked, pulling the phone away from his ear and squinting at the screen. It showed the time as 3 a.m.

“Are you deaf?” the other man snapped, “I said I-,”

“I know what you said,” Shikamaru snapped. “But unfortunately for you, I’m not your booty call. Fuck you and I’ll see you tomorrow,”

“Nara-”

“-stop!”

Shikamaru paused at the voice in the background. It sounded familiar, like something faraway tugging at his mind. “Who’s that?”

“Come to my house,”

Then he hung up. Shikamaru sat there, sleep suddenly gone. He might be wrong, he thought, sitting up and starting to tie back his black hair, but that sounded like Hinata’s voice.

He had rushed out of his house, driving at a speed to Sasuke’s.

By the time he got there, Sasuke was gone. Shikamaru knew that the man had left not long ago because his wallet was still on the counter and all the lights were on.

So, he lit a cigarette and inhaled.

Sasuke returned approximately 20 minutes later. He was already smoking, his expression looked feral and he was disheveled. He looked unhinged, positively mad.

“What’s going on?” he asked quietly.

Sasuke shook his head, exhaling the smoke, stamping on the cigarette under his boot and walking past him towards the interior of the house. He climbed the stairs and turned to, what Shikamaru assumed, was his bedroom.

Shikamaru followed.

“What-!” he started in a loud volume when Sasuke shot him a look.

He started looking towards the bed and Shikamaru followed his gaze. Then, he felt his heart stop for a second.

There, on the bed in front, amongst the dark bedding, lay a small child. He was sleeping soundly.

“What’s his name?” he asked quietly. He’d seen the pictures of Hinata with the child; the ones he had given to Sasuke. But seeing him in real life was almost a miracle.

The child looked too much like his father for there to be any doubt. He was an Uchiha. Sasuke’s son.

“That is Daiki Uchiha,” the other man whispered. For a moment, there was incredible sadness in his voice as he looked on towards the figure on the bed.

Shikamaru didn’t know what he was thinking, but he didn’t want to know. He simply stalked out of the room and went back towards the kitchen downstairs, resuming his smoking. This was too much.

He was finished with his cigarette by the time Sasuke came downstairs, unbuttoning his coat. He sat across from Shikamaru around the table and allowed himself to look vulnerable for a moment.

“Where’s Hinata?”

“She’s in the compound,”

“Why?”

Sasuke was silent. “I didn’t know where else to take her,”

“I take it she didn’t part from her son willingly?”

“My son,” Sasuke looked up, anger returning. “He’s my son too,”

Shikamaru sighed. “I know,”

“I…” Sasuke started, before cutting himself off. “I need you to stay with him,”

“Huh?” Shikamaru asked. “What?”

“I need you to stay with him until I can…until I return,”

“Let me guess, you’re going out for milk,” he drawled sarcastically, annoyance simmering in his tone.

“Fuck off,” Sasuke

“How about no?” Shikamaru started. “I don’t know anything about kids,”

“Look it up,” Sasuke said, already standing. “It’s going to be a couple days,”

“And why aren’t you doing it yourself?” he asked.

“I…need some time,” Sasuke blinked before adding, “To take care of some things,”

Shikamaru could empathize. Everything that was happening was too fast. Sasuke needed the time.

“Then let him stay with his mother since he doesn’t know us and will likely not like it when he wakes up without her,”

“No,” Sasuke said shortly. “I don’t trust her,”

“Sasuke, I can’t do this,” Shikamaru told him simply. “This isn’t part of my extraordinary capabilities,”

“I don’t trust anyone else,”

That had shut him up until Sasuke had left.

_____________

Daiki hadn’t been much trouble, thank God.

Shikamaru had called his mother first thing to ask how one was supposed to care for a toddler. After assuring her that he did not in fact have a secret child and/or family, she had agreed to give him some tips.

The kid had fussed when he had woken without his mother.

“Where’s mama?” he had asked, tears brimming in his huge eyes when he had caught sight of Shikamaru.

“Mama’s at work,” he had said, slowly approaching the boy. “It’s okay. It’s me,”

Daiki sniffled again but didn’t start crying. “I’m Shika,”

There was no response, save for the child looking at him carefully. “Can you say Shika?”

Could 3 years olds even talk?

“Shika,” the little boy said, and despite himself, Shikamaru felt his heart melt.

He had figured out what the little guy wanted, how to help him use the bathroom and how to keep him occupied. The kid loved making shit out of play dough and watching cartoons.

He’d gone for a nap easily and Shikamaru had been tempted to sleep himself. But then he’d thought of Hinata, alone and hungry and he’d felt obligated to go and feed her too.

Now, he simply laid down next to the kid, closing his eyes, exhaustion lacing him.

“Sasuke,” he muttered as he burrowed into the pillow. “You owe me big for this,”

______________

Chapter Text

I didn’t have it in me to go with grace

• My tears ricochet (Taylor Swift)

__________

The semi-dark room was a mess at first glance.

There were papers littering the floor and sprawled over the desk in a messy way, the modern plush chairs in front of the desk upturned and there was evidence of a mental breakdown in the form of broken tokens and everyday items.

At first glance, one would barely notice the slumped over figure in the chair behind the desk, pale hand under dark hair supporting his head on the edge of the desk surface. There was an almost-empty bottle of whiskey near the hand, a full tumbler alongside it.

The air in the room was stale and stank of cigarettes and whiskey. The figure didn’t seem to mind, almost careless in his demeanor.

Sasuke lifted his head from the table with effort, sitting up and grabbing the tumbler of whiskey before leaning back in the chair. He brought the glass to his lips and took a deep gulp, letting the bitterness tickle his throat as the beverage moved down.

Then, there was a sharp ringing in the room when his phone started vibrating somewhere. It grated at his nerves. He tried to ignore it and it worked for a moment when the room went blissfully quiet.

The ringing started anew.

“Fuck,” he muttered, leaning back his head and closing his eyes. Everything was annoying, his head was pounding and he felt like he’d been run over. Everything hurt.

He looked around his office, trying to figure out which side of the room the noise was coming from. He didn’t remember where he’d flung his phone after he’d arrived at his office yesterday, hazy in the red he was seeing, before he started breaking shit.

He finished the tumbler in another two sips before mentally preparing himself to stand.

The room seemed to spin horribly when he stood and he staggered, reaching out a hand to grip the table edge. He blinked once or twice to come back to his senses. “Shit,” he muttered.

The ringing started again.

Sasuke started to look for the source before he stumbled to a corner, where the noise was the loudest. He sank to his knees amongst the broken picture frames and wooden trinkets and searched for the fucking phone.

His hands closed around the metal frame and he brought it out of the heap.

Nara

The name displayed on the phone screen annoyed him further, even as he picked up the call.

“What?” he snapped.

“Oh you’re alive,” the other man sounded as annoyed as Sasuke felt, “Good,”

There was the sound of a child crying in the background. Sasuke’s mind fogged for a second as he wondered what Shikamaru would be doing with a child. Then he remembered.

The hazy feeling of the alcohol gave way to a sharp stabbing feeling in his chest as he temporarily lost his ability to breathe. Right. That was his son.

Sasuke had a son.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, immediately worried.

“Oh, just the fact that the kid wants his mother,” Shikamaru snapped. “Apparently they don’t like living with strangers for prolonged periods of time,”

Sasuke sighed, dragging a hand over his face before he attempted to stand. “How long has it been?”

Shikamaru was silent for a while and when he spoke, his tone was softer. “It’s been 3 days since. Don’t tell me you’ve been drinking this whole time,”

He had not. He had in fact gone first to his office after leaving Shikamaru that night and had indeed ended up tying all loose ends in Suna so there wouldn’t be any suspicion regarding Hinata’s sudden departure. Afterwards, he had called his second in command, Sai, and told him that he wasn’t to be disturbed about anything.

It was only later that he had turned to his personal shooting range and alcohol to numb the pain.

The mafia boss cursed in his mind. He couldn’t afford so much time to be vulnerable. He couldn’t keep drinking away his pain. “What about her?” he asked instead, walking over towards the wall to turn on all the lights in his office.

“I…took care of it,” Shikamaru said. “She’s obviously not okay, but she’s been getting everything she needs,”

“And…Daiki?” he asked hesitantly.

“He’s been fine,” Shikamaru said, “Quiet kid. Not much trouble. But he obviously keeps asking about his mama and when she’ll be back from work,”

The lights turned on under his hand and flooded his senses. He cringed, the sudden change too much for his eyes. He blinked a couple of times.

“I’ll be back today,” he said to the other man instead.

“Yeah, otherwise fuck you and I’m taking them both and getting them out,” Shikamaru warned.

Sasuke looked around the room. It was a mess. It would need to be renovated. He hummed in contemplation. There was a glass wall in front of him. He didn’t like the man he saw in the reflection. It looked too much like his uncle.

“Don’t be dramatic,” he told Shikamaru absentmindedly while staring at himself in the mirror.

“Alright,”

“Nara?” he asked, allowing this one last crack of emotion in his voice. “Thanks,”

_____________

He’d called Sai to enlist some of his men to take care of the mess in the office while he’d gone over to fix his appearance before anyone saw.

Sasuke took his time shaving his face, showering and wearing a custom suit. He felt in control again, by the time he walked out, even though his chest still hurt like fuck. He supposed it couldn’t be helped.

He made his way to the Uchiha district, towards the compound.

He inexplicably felt like a small child about to enter the compounds after his parent’s death. He remembered the scene vividly; his shaky breaths, his trembling hands and his tachycardia. Back then, there had been the reassuring hand of his older brother at his back.

This time, he walked inside alone.

He could have made his way through these halls in his sleep, in the dark, blindfolded. The house was carved into his flesh and bones. He didn’t need to pay attention to make his way towards his childhood bedroom.

The door was locked from outside.

Sasuke opened it in a single gesture and opened the door.

For a second, his heart ached at the sight that greeted him. The room was messy, packs of takeout on the table and on the floor, water bottles littering around the floor. With her back to him, his wife sat slumped on the bed.

She straightened at the sound of the door opening, turning around to reveal her features contorted in anger. She stopped short at the sight of him.

“Sasuke,” she whispered, turning her body around to face him properly.

She was still clad in the silk night suit he had dragged her here in, her shoulder hair length messy and her skin pale.

“Hinata,”

She launched herself towards him, letting out a small shriek of anger. “You bastard!” she snapped, gripping the lapels of his suit jacket as she rose on her tiptoes to reach his face. “You-,”

He looked at her impassively, even as his heart stuttered in grief at the sight of being seen like this by the person he had loved the most in this world once.

“There’s no need for theatrics,” he told her, grabbing her forearms and bringing them down in a single try, pinning them at her sides.

“Where’s my son?”

“Our son,” he corrected her with a snap.

“He’s not yours,” she snapped, struggling against his grip as he stepped closer to her.

He raised his eyebrows in amusement. She really was desperate. “Then why does he look exactly like me?”

Hinata’s eyes became glassy with tears as she averted her eyes, still struggling against him. “Let me go,”

He sensed the irony of her words. But he had never been good at letting go of things.

“Hinata, there’s no need for tears,” he crooned, grabbing both her wrists in a single hand to bring his other one towards her face to touch her eye. “They don’t work on me anymore,”

“I said, let me go,” she screamed.

He felt a wave of revulsion at himself and at her; at what they had become. It was so strong that he actually did let go of her wrists and stepped back. She seemed just as surprised at his gesture as him.

They both remembered him dragging her out of her house in Suna with him.

“If you’re not going to speak to me civilly, then I guess I’ll have to go,” he told her, the chill creeping into his voice. “I’ll return some other day if I feel like it,”

He turned around to leave.

“You want me to speak civilly after you abducted me and my child from our home and are holding us captive?” she asked incredulously.

“Well you also pretended to be dead for almost 4 fucking years and failed to inform me that we had a son, so consider this the initiation of my attempts to get even with you,” he snapped, looking back.

She had the grace to look ashamed before reverting back to anger.

“Where’s Daiki?”

“He’s with me,” he informed her shortly.

“Please…let me see him,” she pleaded.

Maybe it would have worked on the Sasuke she had left behind. But he wasn’t here anymore. He simply looked at her. “Next time I come, act with decorum and we can have the conversation we desperately need to have,”

The click of the door was loud behind him.

_______________

Chapter Text

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

• Eleanor Rigby

_________

He was feeling considerably pissed off by the time he made his way to his house.

It was a beautiful building, luxurious and comfortable; soothing dark hues painting the exterior and greenery adorning the outside which eventually led to the inner living spaces. He’d had it built in a traditional Japanese style. He had built it as a home.

One for him and Hinata; but that had been a really long time ago.

Sasuke quietly made his way inside the gate, nervousness building up inside him despite himself. He was the most feared man in Konoha; he was used to living life constantly surrounded by the threat of death and the people who would love to be the ones to see him off into the arms of the reaper, but the thought of facing his son was terrifying.

He nodded to the guards before entering the main living area, crossing the threshold. Sounds greeted him, coming from the living room.

“Ah, what a drag,” Shikamaru seemed to be saying, but there was amusement lining his voice instead of the usual annoyance.

There was a shriek of laughter that signaled a child and Sasuke felt his breath become uneven. A memory hit him.

“And when we have children, I want them to love you too. Just like I do,”

Stop, he told himself. It doesn’t matter.

He forced himself to turn the corner and walk into the living room.

The TV screen was on; a cartoon was playing at a medium volume, although no one seemed to be paying it any attention. Sitting on the couch with his back to Sasuke was Nara, his usual pineapple like ponytail looking saggy compared to his usual primness. He didn’t turn at the sound of Sasuke’s intentionally loud footsteps.

He seemed to be looking down to something- someone at his side. His face was lifted in a half smile.

Another happy squeal sounded from his side and he grinned wider before lifting his head and turning to look at Sasuke. “Ah,” he said, “Look who’s back,”

Sasuke walked the rest of the footsteps it took for him to round the couch and come to stand in front of the couch, a few feet away.

He felt the rest of the world fade as his gaze zeroed in on the little boy, who was laughing at the toy Nara was waving in front of his face periodically. He was sitting up, trying to take the toy from Shikamaru who always seemed to retract it just in time.

“…Daiki,” Sasuke felt himself mutter with wonder in his tone. He wanted to tell himself to get a grip, but the sight of his son, real and in front of him and laughing made a lump rise in his throat.

The boy in question seemed to recognize his name and looked towards the source. His smile faded and he looked confused, no doubt trying to place him. Sasuke hesitantly took a step forward, his hands lifting from his sides uncertainly.

Daiki didn’t protest as he came closer. He simply lifted his arms towards Sasuke.

“He wants to be held,” Shikamaru instructed.

“I got that, thanks,” the 28 year old muttered as he leaned down to pick up the kid.

Sasuke was worried the kid would be scared of him and start crying. He didn’t want that. But he also didn’t know how to put the kid at ease.

Daiki curiously held his tiny hands up and touched his face. Sasuke held his breath, too afraid to ruin the moment. The weight of this small human in his arms- in his bloody hands- felt fragile.

The child seemed to recognize him, his eyes didn’t fill up with tears like Sasuke had expected. Instead his grinned wide and started talking.

“Dada,” he babbled.

“What did you just say?” Sasuke gasped in surprise.

“Dada, dadadada,” the little boy started babbling. “Dada’s back,”

The embarrassing lump in his throat was back and his eyes burned, but it was like the rest of the world faded away as he looked down at the little kid with stars in his eyes. “You’re home Daiki,” he promised his son. “And I’m going to take care of you,”

Sasuke didn’t know how the boy identified him. He didn’t know what would happen after this. All he knew was, with his heart beating out of his chest at that moment: he would never let him go.

_________

Chapter Text

Part II: This is never ending

Picture: Shisui Uchiha (17)

The Uchiha Massacre case has taken a bizarre turn of events when Shisui Uchiha was sentenced to spend the rest of his days in the Yamanaka asylum. In an earlier trial 2 weeks ago (the events of which were covered by Konoha Daily; available online) the accused was held guilty and sentenced under the juvenile law. The Yamanaka Asylum is one of the oldest institutions in Konoha, having-

[Excerpt from the Konoha Daily Newspaper]

Chapter Text

The best way to enter our business is to be born into it.

__________

2004, Uchiha District

There were 5 families that ruled Konoha.

Sasuke Uchiha was born in the most powerful one of them.

The Uchiha were the alpha and omega of Konoha’s existence- both the ruination and the thriving. They were among the founding families of the city along with the Senjus, although they had lasted longer. They had long been involved in less-than-legal enterprises but they were most well-known for smuggling weapons of all kind across borders and into cities that were impenetrable by most.

Sasuke grew up in the Uchiha district, which was a vast part of the upper side of Konoha, almost fortress like in its structure with high walls, guards everywhere and a close knit neighborhood of people who knew their way around weapons.

His father was the heir to the Uchiha mob, passed down from the first Uchiha, Madara, who had claimed Konoha as his. The rest of the family was indoctrinated into the mob, willingly or unwillingly.

Very early on in life, Sasuke learned that as an Uchiha, there were 2 ways you could contribute to the family. Either you had the physical strength that came with joining the direct ranks and manpower, or you could help intellectually by studying Law or joining the police force.

Along with an impressive amount of manpower at their back and call, almost the entire police force of Konoha was comprised of Uchihas when Sasuke was a child and they had a vast array of lawyers at their disposal anytime they ran into some legal troubles.

Sasuke, although more privileged than most by being the son of the Mafia Boss, was expected to do his duty to the family. He wasn’t the heir…just the spare, so there was no use training him as such and adding him to the manpower would be beneath the son of the Boss.

That left him with two options: police force or law. He opted for the latter when his cousin Shisui presented him with the choice at the age of 8.

“Why do you want to study law?” he’d asked his cousin Shisui once. Shisui’s father had been Fugaku’s first cousin. He had died in a gang scuffle. Shisui had been raised like their brother ever since.

“Because I’m great at arguing and excellent at lying,” the 16 year old had grinned back, his eyes shining with amusement.

“What if I’m good at neither?” Sasuke asked a waver to his voice.

“That’s because you haven’t had to do either of the above yet,” Shisui had said, his voice dimming slightly as he leaned down and ruffled Sasuke’s hair. “Don’t worry kiddo, this family has a way of breaking everyone in,”

___________

Aside from the occasional violence, daddy issues and the obsessive security detail around him, Sasuke had a good childhood.

He grew up in a large family, cousins and relatives and family acquaintances. They all babied him since he was the youngest Uchiha there had been in a while.

People were always coming and going and there were always guards following whenever he was allowed to venture out of the Uchiha district unless he was with Itachi and Shisui.

Eventually he started primary school. He still remembered his first day. Itachi and Shisui had gone to drop him off. He had been sullen throughout the car ride.

“Hey, cheer up,” Shisui tried, looking at him in the backseat through the mirror while driving “You’re always on our case for not taking you outside the district. This will be fun,”

“You can make friends,” Itachi offered.

“I don’t want friends,” he grumbled. “I have you two,”

They shared an amused look. “We’re your brothers,” Shisui said. “It doesn’t count,”

The car came to a stop but Sasuke made no moves to get out, or reach for the Spiderman bag he had picked out excitedly while school shopping. He felt the nervous flutters of going somewhere without any of his family members or familiar people being present.

Itachi seemed to sense his anxiety as he turned around in his seat and faced Sasuke. “You’ll do great Sasuke,” he assured.

“What if I don’t?” he asked, letting some of the nervousness creep into his voice.

“You can’t do worse than Shisui,” Itachi smirked, pointing a thumb at their cousin. “He threw up all over a junior on his first day of high school,”

“Hey fu-I mean dude!” Shisui shoved Itachi’s shoulder even as he laughed. “That was out of line,”

Sasuke felt himself laugh in delight. “You threw up on a junior? That’s sick,”

“And he’s never going to respect me again,” Shisui groaned.

“See? You can’t do much worse,” Itachi assured him.

Sasuke sighed. “I’ll see you when school ends?” he asked tentatively. Itachi and Shisui had their own high school to attend. Itachi had skipped a grade and was a freshman in high school at the age of 13.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world buddy,” Shisui assured him. “Now go and make everyone curse the Gods for another Uchiha offspring coming to this school,”

Sasuke laughed as he got out of the car.

He had always been told that family was above everything. Family grounded you. As long as you had family, you were okay.

And at that moment, he felt truly the warmth that came with the love of family. He would be okay.

Sasuke protested something along the lines of embarrassment when Shisui got out of the driver’s seat and walked him to the school gates. He crouched down to give Sasuke a hug, which he told Shisui he was too old for.

Shisui simply laughed with that usual sparkle in his eyes as he stood up straight. He didn’t say anything else as he turned to go.

Sasuke pretended not to see the glint of metal in his Shisui’s back pocket as he watched him leave.

___________

Chapter Text

Calm before the storm: "a period of quiet that comes before a time of activity, excitement, violence, etc."

___________

“He’s annoying,” Sasuke snapped again, even as it spurred on Itachi and Shisui’s laughter more and more. “Always going on about that believe it crap,”

“Hey, mind your language,” Shisui reprimanded even as he roared with laughter.

“Like I don’t see everyone in the compound curse all the time,” Sasuke rolled his eyes at his cousin while trying to write his homework. He was learning the names of the capitals of various countries but Shisui and Itachi had thought it the best time to harass him and have fun.

“So that’s what annoys you about the Uzumaki kid? That he says believe it all the time?” Itachi re-affirmed.

“And the fact that he says he’s going to be Mayor of Konoha one day,” Sasuke added, furrowing his brow as he recalled the blond classmate’s annoyingly high pitched voice.

“And he could be, one day,” Shisui shrugged, grinning.

“If that happens, this city’s doomed,” Sasuke shuddered, thinking about the hyperactive blonde who insisted on chattering his ear off with all his dreams and aspirations. Even when Sasuke really didn’t need to know.

“God, you’re so easily annoyed Sasuke,” Itachi told his brother. “Relax a little,”

“I don’t like annoying people,”

“The world is full of em kiddo,” Shisui said. “We can’t all be Uchihas with a sti-,”

“Shisui,” Itachi cut him off.

“-with a serious attitude all the time,” Shisui finished, raising his hands in front of him in a pacifying gesture. They were both lounging on the carpet of Sasuke’s room, in front of him as he perched his notebook on his lap and wrote his homework in a choppy handwriting.

“Why are you both here again?” he groaned.

“To help you with homework,” “To amuse ourselves, duh,”

Itachi and Shisui said at the same time.

Sasuke glared at them, but inside he was happy to have them there. Ever since he’d joined school, he had so much homework to do. Konoha Academy of Science and Arts was the best Konoha had to offer in terms of primary and middle school education. Only the rich could really afford it.

And apart from him being busy, he had noticed Itachi and Shisui get more and more busy too. They never seemed to be around.

They were either always at school or in meetings with Fugaku if they were at home. He was always sending them on tasks nowadays.

“You could amuse yourselves like normal teenagers? Ever heard of going out?” he asked.

“Going out?” Shisui laughed. “Don’t tell me you picked that up from school,”

Sasuke averted his gaze. He had in fact picked it up from school, particularly the girls who were always fantasizing about being in high school and then going out.

“Anyhow, this is much better than going out, don’t you think?” Itachi asked, even as his phone pinged with a text.

And another.

And another.

“Who is it?” Sasuke asked curiously as Itachi’s attention turned from him to the phone, where he formed a half smile and then tried and failed to suppress it.

“Ah,” Shisui’s grin turned predatory. “That must be his girlfriend,”

“Girlfriend?!” Sasuke shrieked, throwing aside his copy.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” Itachi glared at Shisui, even as his cheeks turned red.

“Then why do you smile like that whenever Izumi texts you?”

“Izumi,” Sasuke repeated and then smiled smugly. “Ohh, wait till mom hears about this,”

“Sasuke, don’t you dare,” Itachi groaned. “She’s never going to forget if you feed her one morsel about my life,”

“Which is exactly why we should tell her. You’re never going to get anything done by yourse-,”

It was at that instance that the door opened, interrupting Shisui. Jaeha, one of the guards of the main house, stood partially obscured by the door. His face was always grim and serious, his characteristic Uchiha eyes always set in sobriety.

“Itachi, Shisui, Fugaku-sama wants an audience with you,”

Sasuke watched the amused sparkle dim in Shisui’s eyes as he and Itachi exchanged a look. Itachi had locked his phone immediately at the sight of Jaeha, as if Jaeha could tell what was on there.

“Well…looks like we’ll have to catch you later kiddo,” Shisui said, trying to smile for Sasuke’s benefit as he ruffled his hair before getting up to leave. Jaeha didn’t move- he wouldn’t go without the teenagers by his side.

“Finish your homework,” Itachi instructed.

Sasuke nodded, feeling left out but not really that sorry about it.

He watched his older brother and cousin disappear without another word. Even at 8 years old, he could feel as if they were both sand, slipping through his fingers.

_________

The whirl of activity going on around the compound for the next few months was something to behold. Things had always been tense around the compound- hushed and secretive and only discussed among the men. But now, even the women and children seemed on edge. The nervous energy of the men and their impatience seemed to be affecting everyone.

There were always people and vehicles coming in and out of the gates of the district. The Police Chief, an Uchiha Ikara, seemed to be called for meetings more and more often.

The convoy of top Uchiha lawyers were always coming and staying for longer in the compounds. Fugaku, Itachi and Shisui were almost never around.

Then one day, Sasuke’s mother told him they were having a special guest for dinner. There were preparations going on and she was really enthusiastic about cooking. She seemed to be happy to have something to do again.

Sasuke might have still been a child, but he could always sense a certain air of sadness around his mother. So, seeing her so enthusiastic made him happy. He tried to help out.

But as usual, he was told to go to his room and finish his homework instead of getting in the way.

He got dressed in the formal wear his mother left out for him. He snuck into Itachi’s room and liberally used the gel to style his hair. He wanted to make his father and mother proud of how he was able to take care of himself.

He was rummaging the drawers quickly, trying to look for something cool to steal. He knew Itachi would kill him if he found him here. His room was strictly off limits. He opened the second drawer and froze at the sight of the gun that was stashed in there.

Despite his family’s attempts to keep him out, he knew what his family’s fortune and reputation was built on: blood. He found himself reaching out for the gun-

“Sasuke!”

He jumped when his mother’s voice called for him from faraway. He quickly shut the drawer and stepped away, breathing hard. He looked in the mirror, where a boy with guilt in his eyes was looking back at him.

“Sasuke come downstairs, they’re here,” his mother called.

Sasuke ignored his thundering heart and stumbled downstairs.

By the time he reached the foyer, his father was almost there, accompanied by a few men. The most prominent of them was a man who was wearing a crisp blue suit, looking intimidating and strong. He had long brown hair, tied at his back, but what struck Sasuke the most were his eyes when he cast a look towards Sasuke and his family.

“Hyuga-san,” his mother, looking beautiful in an evening dress, stepped forward and breathed out his name, “Welcome to the Uchiha compounds,”

“We’ve known each other a long time, Mikoto-san, you can call me Hiashi,” the man answered, taking her offered hand and dropping a chaste kiss on it.

“Hiashi,” Fugaku stepped up next to him, “These are my children,”

“Good evening Hyuga-san,” Itachi greeted his tone calm and collected. Hiashi looked at him with interest before moving his gaze to Sasuke.

“Ah, your youngest,” he noted. Sasuke felt his heart beat faster when he realized he was supposed to greet the man.

“I-good evening,” he stuttered, “Hyuga san,” he added as an afterthought.

“Sasuke Uchiha, I presume?” Hiashi asked. Sasuke nodded.

“My daughter is in your class. I saw your name on the class list,” he told them.

He had a daughter? And she was in his class? Sasuke had no idea who he was talking about. Everyone’s eyes were on him, expecting him to know.

“I’m afraid I don’t know who you’re talking about,”

The man sighed, as if he had expected it. “Hinata, my oldest daughter,” he explained, even as Fugaku gestured for them all to keep walking instead of standing at the foyer. “She’s a- wallflower I’m afraid,”

Hiashi didn’t sound pleased about it.

“You have already met Shisui,” Fugaku added, impatient to move on from Sasuke.

Sasuke didn’t pay attention to the rest of the conversation. He sat at the dinner table, surrounded by conversation and food. He spoke when he was spoken to and didn’t care for anything else.

He watched when the men got up after dinner, Fugaku instructing Mikoto to bring them beverages. She nodded complacently.

Sasuke watched the men- both Hyuga and Uchiha, disappear into his father’s study as if disappearing into another world. He just watched his brother and Shisui disappear with them.

________________

Chapter Text

How can we not talk about family, when family’s all that we got?

• ­See you again

___________

The cherry trees were raining pink all over Konoha in the tender spring that brought a semblance of beauty to the gloomy metropolitan. Sasuke watched his bodyguards grumble in annoyance as they pushed the pink blossoms off the roof of the car when they brought him home or took him to school. But Sasuke didn’t mind them.

He thought they were really beautiful.

Sakura, Itachi had told him they were called.

Sasuke preferred not to think of them that way, because it always led him to think about his pink haired classmate who could give Naruto a run for his money in annoying Sasuke. She was pink haired with green bubbly eyes. It was rather fitting that her parents called her Sakura.

Right now, she sat unnecessarily close to him while he tried to chew the sandwich his mother had packed him amongst other things. They were sitting at a table in the cafeteria, where most of the children were talking amongst themselves.

Sasuke usually preferred to eat alone, but today he was sandwiched between Naruto and Sakura on the bench, thinking he might lose his hearing by the time lunch was over. Sakura was telling the occupants of the table about all the places she had visited with her parents, with everyone listening closely.

Her father was an ambassador, which meant he traveled frequently. Often times, his family came along. Sakura was regaling them with a story about Suna when Sasuke let his gaze travel to the other children present at the table.

There was the Yamanaka girl, another loudmouth who was busy nagging her chubby friend. Next to the chubby kid was Shikamaru, someone he tolerated well-enough. And next to him-

Well Sasuke actually didn’t recognize her.

She sat with dark blue hair and a downcast gaze, demurely eating her lunch. Feeling his gaze, she looked up, a blush coming over her face at his attention. Sasuke frowned.

Her eyes-

Hiashi-san’s daughter?

My oldest, Hinata.

Her face went completely red when he didn’t look away, cataloguing her features. She immediately looked down at her lunch again, her face red.

Sasuke felt a wave of annoyance at her.

Hinata Hyuga. She was completely different from her father- or any other Hyuga he had ever heard of for that matter.

The Hyugas were a prominent political family in Konoha, only rivaled by the Sarutobis. They were calm, intelligent people, according to Sasuke’s father, and had long been allies of the Uchihas.

She was ridiculous, Sasuke decided. He hoped he would never be forced to work with her.

______________

Sasuke passed his final exams without a fuss and proceeded to the next grade.

There was a party at dinner, where Itachi and Shisui graced them all with their presence for more than 5 minutes after months of disappearances and guest appearances.

“Congrats Sasuke,” Shisui said, giving Sasuke a hug before smiling at him. “I knew you could do it,”

Sasuke didn’t reply, instead focusing on the dark circles around Shisui’s eyes and the way his smile seemed forced. He looked older than his 17 years of age.

“Where’s Itachi?” Sasuke asked, looking around the room as Mikoto shuffled around, smiling at the various guests and Uchiha family members. Sasuke watched the Uchiha men, their postures straight as they spoke amongst themselves, away from the women, their hands holding their glasses of beverages, all of them armed.

“Your father wanted to have a word,” Shisui said casually.

“Shisui,” Mikoto called. They both looked over to Sasuke’s mother who was standing with a girl at her side with long dark brown hair and a beautiful smile. “Come here please,”

Shisui’s smile vanished as he looked at the girl. His hand on Sasuke’s shoulder slackened. He straightened immediately and walked over to Mikoto, Sasuke in tow.

“Shisui,” the girl said, smile bright as she looked at him. “Hi,”

“Izumi, what are you doing here?” Shisui looked disbelieving. He looked unhinged- as if he was one second away from snapping completely.

The name was familiar.

“Your father sent my mother an invite for the dinner party,” Izumi replied, noticing Shisui’s displeasure and shock and dimming her smile. “I…I thought it would be nice to come over,”

Itachi’s classmate, Sasuke remembered with a jolt.

“Of course it’s nice,” Mikoto insisted, casting a puzzled and annoyed look at her foster son.

Shisui breathed in. “Yes,” he forced a smile. “Yes of course it is,”

“Izumi, this is Sasuke,” Mikoto introduced her son, bringing him closer to her. Sasuke didn’t smile, but he offered Izumi a hand to shake.

“Sasuke,” Izumi attempted to smile again, after looking at Shisui once more. “I’ve heard a lot about you from these two,”

Sasuke didn’t know what to say to that. He hadn’t even spoken to his cousin and brother all that much. He hadn’t heard about her from them.

Mikoto seemed to look behind them at other guests. “You children have fun, I’ll see you later,” she told them before leaving.

“So…pretty nice place you’ve got-,” Izumi started when Shisui cut her off, grabbing her forearm. 

“Can we talk privately?” he asked her, nodding towards the living room exit which would lead them outside, towards the terrace and the subsequent balcony.

Izumi looked surprised before she nodded. “Of course,”

Shisui turned to Sasuke. “Can you get the digital camera from my room? We’re going to need to take pictures,” he tried to smile reassuringly. Sasuke felt his temper rise but didn’t say anything except for nodding.

He watched Shisui lead Izumi outside, still holding her arm.

_____________

Sasuke didn’t really care about going back to the party until it was almost time for dinner. He then went to grab the digital camera from the shelf on Shisui’s room, annoyed at being kept in the dark about whatever was going on in his family.

He was going to the living room when he stopped in front of his father’s study. Voices were coming out of the room, heated and loud.

His heart thundered as he stood outside and pressed his ear against the thick wooden door. He couldn’t properly hear anything, just a few words here and there.

“-won’t!”

Itachi’s voice rang out. Sasuke was surprised to hear the tone. Itachi, his calm and collected brother, kind and gentle to a fault…had he ever raised his voice like this before?

“You are the heir, Itachi. You will do as I say,” his father yelled in response. He could hear something fall in the room and he felt sick at the thought of it being his brother.

“I said-”

Sasuke bit back a shriek when he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder. He whirled around, clutching the camera to his chest, coming face to face with his mother.

“Where have you been all this time?” she asked, her voice annoyed.

“I-,” he stuttered.

“Dinner is about to begin,” she admonished. “Come on,”

Sasuke looked carefully at the blank look in her eyes. He knew she could hear the heated snippets of conversation from inside the study, yet she seemed to be ignoring it so resolutely that Sasuke thought he was imagining everything.

“Itachi and father,”

“They’ll be fine,” she briskly replied. “Come on,”

They had barely made it to the living room when the study door opened and both Fugaku and Itachi walked out. Fugaku looked calm. Too calm.

Itachi, as a contrast, looked like he was barely concealing his fury. He came to the living room and scanned the room for Sasuke. He found him and came to stand at his side. Then, he started looked around again, presumably for Shisui.

“What’s wrong?” Sasuke whispered as Fugaku came to stand at the head of the table and make a toast. “Why were you fighting with father?”

“Sorry I’m late,” Fugaku announced. “We’re all gathered here today for my youngest son-,”

Sasuke watched the guests, almost all Uchihas, listen raptly to what Fugaku had to say before raising their glasses for a toast.

Itachi’s eyes widened and Sasuke followed his gaze to where Shisui stood, close to Izumi. “What’s wrong?” Sasuke asked again.

“Please take your seats and enjoy the food,” Fugaku announced.

“Come on,” Itachi said, abruptly grabbing his hand. “We’re leaving,”

“Where are we going?” Sasuke asked. “Aren’t we going to eat?”

Itachi didn’t reply. Sasuke knew his father would not let them leave so easily and disgrace him in front of his guests. But to his surprise, no one except Shisui paid him any mind. He came over, grabbing Izumi again.

“Come on,” he instructed her as they all walked out the living room, across the terrace and into the garden, heading for the main exit.

“What about dinner?” Izumi asked, as bewildered as Sasuke felt “This is so rude,”

“Izumi,” Itachi said, letting go of Sasuke’s hand and looking at her. “Please,”

She didn’t say anything but follow them outside to the car. Shisui slid into the driving seat and Sasuke was, for the first time, allowed to sit in the passenger seat. Itachi and Izumi sat in the backseat. Sasuke pretended not to see when Itachi reached out and intertwined his fingers with Izumi.

He didn’t know it then, but it was the last time Sasuke saw his parents alive.

______________

Chapter Text

RIP to my youth

You can call this the funeral

• NBHD (RIP to my youth)

_____________

The day he lost his innocence, Sasuke heard sirens before his eyes had opened.

He sat up, heart thundering with a sense of dread, and let his feet touch the cool marble floor. The room was empty. The bed that had been in front of him, occupied by Itachi last night, was empty.

Sasuke let himself get outside the room and towards the stairs at the end of the short hallway. He was dazed by the unfamiliar scene of the house, only remembering moments later that they hadn’t slept in the compound last night.

They had been in Shisui’s mother’s house, which she had let him in her inheritance since she wasn’t an Uchiha.

The 8 year old watched in slow motion, from his spot at the top of the stairs, as police burst in through the front door, guns drawn and shields up, as if they expected some dangerous terrorists to greet them in the small house.

He watched Itachi, his eyes wide, as he spoke to the chief.

He watched, from the top of the stairs, as the officers asked his brother and cousin to raise their hands and turn around slowly.

He watched them cuff Shisui.

He watched his cousin who looked up at him, as if he could sense Sasuke standing on the stairs.

The 17-year old Shisui smiled at Sasuke for the last time and Sasuke could feel some spot in his chest bleed in realization.

___________

“What happened?” he kept asking Itachi, who sat stone-faced in the station.

They were both in custody in the police station. Itachi had been questioned initially and he refused to answer without a lawyer present. Sasuke was deemed too young to know anything of importance, but still they tried to interrogate him.

“Why are we here, Itachi?” Sasuke asked, impatience lacing his voice. “Where’s Shisui? Why hasn’t anyone from the family come to get us already?”

Itachi just shook his head, dazed and for once, looking small.

Sasuke was too afraid to decipher the look so he didn’t try. Instead, he started praying for a familiar face to show up in the police station.

He realized he didn’t see even a single Uchiha police officer in the building.

__________

They had been there, in custody holding of the police for almost a day when Itachi spoke. Sasuke had stopped asking questions hours ago, but Itachi answered anyways.

“They’re gone,”

Sasuke blinked. He knew Itachi was referring to their family.

“Gone where?”

Could they have just left the heir of the family behind? In this police station where they were being held for God knew what.

Itachi clenched his eyes shut as he let his head hit the wall behind them. He stayed like that for a few moments. He then straightened on his spot on the bunk. “They’re dead Sasuke. All of them,”

Sasuke could understand the words his brother was saying, but they didn’t seem to mean anything. Utter nonsense. His family was dead. That wasn’t possible.

“Why are you saying this?” he asked, angry tears rising to his eyes. “Is this some joke? Are you getting back at me for my annoying questions?”

Itachi looked at him with pity.

“Sasuke, I’m really sorry,” he said.

“Why are you sorry? When’s everyone coming to get us?”

“They’re not coming. They’re dead. The Uchiha District’s security was breached last night. Every single Uchiha in the district is dead,”

Sasuke shook his head. Itachi was a liar. He was lying.

“Is this because you were fighting with father last night?” he said, even as he started crying. “Fights happen Itachi- you can’t just say things like this,”

“Sasuke, they’re gone. Mom and Dad are really gone,”

“How could the security have been breached?” he screamed because nothing. made. any. sense. No one got in or out from the district without clearance. No one except an Uchiha-

 “Shisui did it,” Itachi whispered.

A ringing started in Sasuke’s ears. Pieces started to fit. Shisui’s paranoid look last night when he saw Izumi. His calm face in front of a visibly upset Itachi last night.

“Itachi, stop this,” Sasuke said, covering his ears.

Shisui. Shisui Uchiha. 17 year old prodigy. Pride and Joy of his family. He couldn’t have done this to his own family. Never in a million years.

“There’s proof,”

“Stop-”

“That’s why he took us to his mother’s-,”

“STOP,”

Sasuke remembered crying. He remembered Itachi bringing him into the circle of his arms and holding tight.

Itachi had lost so many pieces of himself already by the age of 13, but Sasuke remembered losing his innocence the day his cousin murdered their whole family.

__________

They were released from police custody hours later. It had been simple. Shisui confessed.

Sasuke and Itachi stood outside the interrogation room, across the screen which separated them and their cousin. Shisui’s hair was disheveled but by the way he was sitting, you’d think he was there attending class instead of being cuffed on the table.

“I murdered them,” he confessed easily when asked.

“How did you do it?”

Shisui didn’t stop for a beat. “I had been planning it for months. I knew it had to be soon, but I saw Itachi and Uncle argue last night. I took my cousins to my mother’s maiden house,”

“That would be around 10 p.m. last night?”

Shisui nodded.

“You left the district around 8 p.m. Why did it take you so long to go to your mother’s house?”

“I took them for ice-cream,”

Sasuke felt bile rise in the back of his throat. While he’d been happily eating chocolate flavored ice-cream last night, a poker faced Shisui had been planning his betrayal against their family.

“What happened after you reached the house?”

“We sat around for a while. I sent Itachi and Sasuke off to sleep. Then, around 1 a.m. I left the house with everything I needed,”

Sasuke could imagine it; his lean and bright eyed cousin, tucking his gun in his waistband and casting one final look at the house before leaving. He could imagine him getting in the car, nauseous with the thought of betrayal- something they were taught against since childhood- but resolute.

“I was checked into the Uchiha District by the night guards,” he recounted. “I killed them first,”

“You used your gun,”

“That’s correct,”

“You went to other houses and killed everyone. You slit their throats as they slept,” the police chief sounded appalled and disgusted. “Your own blood- our colleagues,”

Shisui didn’t reply. He looked down. The other detective sighed. “Continue the story for the record please,”

“I dealt with the others. I then went to the Main family compound,”

“Your uncle’s house,”

Shisui nodded and at that point, Sasuke could see some hint of sadness within him.

“I…walked in there. They weren’t asleep. They were just sitting in the kitchen,”

“What did they do upon seeing you?”

Shisui shook his head. He didn’t look at the detective. He started looking down at his hands. “I had a gun in my hands. Then I shot them,”

“Bullet wound to the head, both of them,” The detective said with disgust.

Sasuke bit down a shriek of revulsion and pain at the knowledge. He buried his face in Itachi’s shirt, who wrapped an arm around him loosely.

“How did you manage it?” the police chief asked. “I thought your family…was supposed to be competent at fighting,”

Sasuke knew what the man was getting at. It was a well-known fact in Konoha that the Uchihas were mobsters.

“Even demons aren’t on guard at their homes, officer,” Shisui clarified, slightly ironic. “And after all, I’m the best,”

There was silence. Shisui had finished telling them the tale of how he murdered every single Uchiha in the district. All of it by himself.

“Why did you do it?” the detective asked.

Shisui looked up. His eyes seemed red instead of black. “I’m sure you’ll find a label for it,”

“Is there anything you’d like to say for the record?”

Shisui looked away from the detective towards the screen. In that moment, it was almost as if he could see where Itachi and Sasuke were standing. He looked towards them blankly, eyes red and Sasuke almost couldn’t recognize the older boy.

“I don’t regret it,” he said to them.

_____________

Chapter Text

I had the best of the worst sides

And I had these lungs

• Eden (Drugs)

_____________

They were told to leave the police station but Sasuke didn’t remember anything from after they witnessed Shisui’s confession. The detective had told them that Shisui would be sent to Juvenile prison. He had confessed to mass murder and he would be sentenced to life in prison.

Then, Sasuke was blank.

When he regained any semblance of thought, he was being gently prodded by Itachi and they were sitting in a mansion. “I have to go for identifying the bodies,” his brother had said in an oddly detached voice, like he wasn’t really processing what he was saying. “Will you wait for me to return here?”

Where was here?

Sasuke had turned to look at the pale eyes man standing next to Itachi, a pitying look on his gentle face. He was hyuga. They were in the Hyuga mansion.

He had nodded.

Itachi hadn’t said anything before he left, Sasuke watching his retreating back.

_________

They stayed at the Hyuga mansion that night. Sasuke wanted to go home but Hyuga Hiashi had summoned them in his study, his face cruel and stoic in the light.

“Your home is a crime scene right now,” he had told them directly. “You may stay in the Hyuga mansion until your guardian arrives,”

“Guardian?” Itachi had asked, stepping forward uncertainly. Despite the questions in his eyes, his expression had been resolute. “We’re the only ones left,”

Hiashi regarded him carefully. Then, he shook his head. “I’ve called for your uncle,”

Sasuke had never heard of an uncle in the 8 years he had lived. Itachi seemed to recognize the relative that was being spoken of. “Our Uncle? He hasn’t been seen since he was 16,”

“But he’s alive,” Hiashi said, “We know it,”

“How?”

“Because he had been corresponding with your father throughout the years,”

Itachi stilled. Sasuke guessed that fatherhad never mentioned this to his son. “How do you know this and I don’t?” his older brother asked instead.

“I was the one who helped your father send his brother away,” Hiashi told them calmly. “And I know how to contact him. You’re too young to run the whole family business by yourself, brilliant though you may be,”

“So he’s going to be our guardian? A man we haven’t seen or spoken to once in our lives?” Itachi snapped, slamming his hands on the table behind which Hiashi was seated.

“Unless you want your properties seized by the government and your brother separated from you in a foster home,” Hiashi offered. He leaned back in his rolling chair and watched the young boys.

Itachi didn’t answer, instead straightening.

Hiashi nodded. “He’ll be here in a few days. In the meantime, we have funerals to arrange,”

________

Sasuke didn’t attend any funerals of the family members. He didn’t watch the TV either, because all there was to see was news of his family: the tragedy of the Uchiha Clan.

His parents’ funeral was kept for last- since they had been head of the family and also because they were waiting for the uncle to show up.

On the day of the funeral, Sasuke was provided with his black 3-piece suit from the compound and he dressed up in silence. He was accompanied to the funeral site with his brother and Hiashi in a sleek black car.

“Keep your head low and don’t talk to anyone,” Hiashi advised them before they got out of the car. Sasuke felt confused at first but he understood the man’s meaning when they stepped outside, where cameras flashed at their faces and everyone called out to them.

“Itachi, Itachi can you tell me-”

“-why Shisui could have-”

“Hiashi-sama, is it true that-”

Itachi had his arm around Sasuke and they both walked in front of Hiashi. It was quiet once they were across the gate- as if someone had turned off a noisy channel.

“It’s okay,” his brother muttered to him. “It’s going to be okay,”

Sasuke just shook his head.

____________

There were many family friends and associates attending their parents’ funeral at their family shrine, but their uncle still hadn’t arrived. Hiashi didn’t know if he would even be able to make it to the funeral but the funeral couldn’t be delayed anymore.

There were the prayers. People spoke about his parent’s. Fond memories and anecdotes. Sasuke didn’t listen to any of them. He felt like there was a constant ringing in his ears.

The doors burst open, midway through Hiashi’s farewell words. Everyone turned to look at a young man briskly walking inside, dressed in an immaculate black suit. His hair was short cropped, black and suited his narrow face. There were a number of prominent, converging scars on one side of his face.

He looked like an Uchiha.

He walked in, stared at the faces staring back at him until he spotted Hiashi on the altar. He immediately made his way over.

“I’m so sorry I’m late,” he said loudly to the people in the room.

“Ah, everyone this is the younger brother of Fugaku, Obito Uchiha,”

Sasuke stared. Obito was looking around, until his gaze fell to the front row where Itachi was seated with Sasuke. His eyes widened.

“Obito, would you like to say a few words?” Hiashi asked.

Obito struggled visibly before he went to the altar steps. He was quiet for a long time before he breathed in deeply and started speaking.

“…Fugaku was my older brother,” he said. “I owe him a great deal in life. He was more like a father to me than a brother,”

When Sasuke had imagined an uncle, he had imagined someone close to his father’s age. Not…this young person who seemed closer in age to Itachi than their father. Not this person who’s eyes showed such shock while standing on the stage.

“I never imagined this day would come so fast,” His uncle was saying before a bitter smile appeared on his face, “or so tragically,”

Sasuke closed his eyes.

______________

Afterwards, Sasuke didn’t remember his parents.

Not that he couldn’t recall who they had been or that he couldn’t think about times he’d spent with them. He remembered fragments; short, foggy memories that sometimes sprang up from the well of his mind if he let them. They pulled him down into the murky waters; where no matter how much he tried he could not recall anything more.

And what he could remember with perfect clarity wasn’t something he wanted to think of a lot.

He could picture them so sharply, the images of his parents in coffins lying side by side while he stood at the side, watching various friends and acquaintances and distant family members coming up to give their condolences to his older brother and uncle.

Itachi would later tell him about the strength of their father and the kindness of their mother- but it always felt like fiction to him. He didn’t remember anything, although he’d been at his mother’s skirts ever since he was a child.

Every time he tried to think of them- of a time before they died, it’s like his mind blocked it. And after a few frustrating times of trying to conjure up his parents in his mind and failing, he stopped.

No, instead every time someone mentioned family or parents or kin, his mind could only conjure up his older brother or Uncle. They had raised him and Sasuke only knew the sort of ruthless love taught to him by his brother and uncle and to them by their family.

The Uchiha Empire didn’t have a downfall, like their foes had hoped. Obito took over the family. He was a cold-blooded leader, dealing with traitors and foes alike. He recruited new people into their organization, vetted and trained them. He trained Sasuke and Itachi almost cruelly, making sure they were prepared to deal with almost anything.

Living with them, Sasuke only knew the kind of love with cold strength, honor, integrity and no vulnerability.

He didn’t know the kind of love that could be soft or open or warm. He didn’t know the kind of love that could coax gentle smiles out of him and make his heart feel so full instead of the aching emptiness inside it.

Not until he met his future wife.

But that doesn’t happen for a long time.

__________

Chapter Text

Part III: With you watching me

Picture: Uchiha Sasuke, Owner of Uchiha Armament Co., 26 years old

The city’s atmosphere has been gloomy lately, what with the gruesome downtown murders of the weapons smugglers and the arson cases in eastside Konoha. On a brighter note, we have a special tidbit of gossip to share. The ever elusive old-money billionaire, Uchiha Sasuke was seen attending the annual Yamanaka fun-raiser Gala last night. He seemed to be accompanied by former political advisor, Nara Shikamaru. Check page 38 for exclusive inside information on the glamorous world of Konoha’s sensational businessman.

(Article published in Konoha’s “Glamor” magazine, 2 years after Hinata’s disappearance)

Chapter Text

Is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world?

I know you’re going to need me here with you

But I’m losing myself and I’m afraid

You’re going to lose me too

• Adventure time (Ice King and Marecline’s song)

_______________

2024, Sarutobi Tower

The black car pulled up outside the building, where a huge throng of people was awaiting the people in the car. Reporters, camera crew and spectators alike lined the pavement as the car door was opened by a bodyguard and a figure stepped outside.

She was dainty, short and the epitome of feminine grace as she balanced herself on the heels that added significantly to her height. Sunglasses on her face as she collected her kimono styled dress and squared her shoulders.

“Ms. Hyuga, what can you tell us about-”

“Ms. Hyuga, please-,”

Lights flashed as reporters fired a storm of questions at the heiress of the Hyuga clan, who seemed immune to all of them. Behind her, another figure stepped out of the car. He was significantly taller than the woman in front of him and had short cropped dark brown hair, dressed in a dark blue button down and slacks with similar sunglasses on his head.

He stepped right behind the Hyuga heiress, his hand automatically going around her waist in a reassuring gesture as they both started walking towards the building in front of them, their path cleared by the security team.

Konohamaru Sarutobi and his fiancé were sure to make the front page tomorrow, with both of them belonging to prominent political families and with the elections coming up soon.

Hanabi didn’t drop her icy façade until they were inside the building and the noise of the reporters buzzed down into silence as the doors closed behind them. Then, she sighed out tiredly. Konohamaru’s hand still didn’t drop from her waist as he leaned down to her height and rested his chin on her head.

“I hate that,” she told him, craning her head up to see.

He smiled as he took of his sunglasses and met her gaze with the clearest blue eyes she had ever seen. “Don’t worry; it’s just for the elections. And I’ll take the brunt of their embarrassing questions after we get married,”

Hanabi smiled too, as she took off her sunglasses with one hand and turned around in his arms. She was aware of their security team and bodyguards leaving them alone as she looped her arms around his neck.

“Bold of you to assume we’re going to get married,”

Konohamaru grinned wider. “I didn’t think I’d ever make it to be your fiancé either,” he informed her. “But here we are,”

Hanabi didn’t want to think about the arduous events that had led them here, to her being held in his strong arms as he dipped his head for a kiss. So she just hummed as his hand left her shoulder and tangled into her hair to angle her head better.

She didn’t know how long they were standing there until she heard someone clear their throat behind them. Konohamaru still took his time pulling away from the kiss and straightening to look behind her at the interruption.

“Good morning Neji,” he grinned cheekily, not bothering to look ashamed.

Hanabi turned around in his arms and came face to face with her cousin, who was frowning at Konohamaru, obviously disgusted by the public display of affection. “I told you Sarutobi, mind your hands around my cousin,”

Hanabi rolled her eyes, even as she dropped Konohamaru’s arms from around her and stood straighter.

“You know we’ve done more than that, right?” Konhamaru baited with a grin. In that moment, he eerily reminded Hanabi of Naruto and she elbowed him in the side, making him wince.

“Hello big brother,” she said instead “Is everyone there?”

“Yes,” he told her, “And if you’re both done swapping spit with each other-,”

“Jeez, get used to it-,” Konohamaru interrupted.

“Watch it Sarutobi. Just because we’re allies now doesn’t mean-,”

Hanabi sensed an oncoming migraine and started walking off towards the conference room of the office, not bothering to wait for either man. Neji was usually better at controlling his temper, but no one riled him up like Konohamaru did.

Or like Sasuke used to do.

The thought of her brother in law sent a pang through her heart, just like it always did. She envisioned the broody young man who she hadn’t seen since Hinata’s funeral.

But then again, the things she had heard about him since her older sister’s untimely death made her thankful that she hadn’t seen him since. She didn’t want to shatter the image of the doting husband he’d once been with this ruthless killer he’d become since.

She reached the conference room, where a lot of familiar faces looked up at her. She spotted her father and various other members of the party.

“Good morning,” she greeted them all while she took a seat near the center, saving one for her fiancé. She exchanged greetings with everyone while waiting for Neji and Konohamaru to show up.

They both came in, still bickering. Konohamaru instantly changed from a frown into a smile as he greeted everyone before plopping down in a seat next to Hanabi. They watched Neji go to the head of the conference table and stand next to a whiteboard.

“I’m sorry,” Konohamaru told her, leaning over to drop a quick kiss on her shoulder, earning a glare from a nearby Hyuga.

“Kono, you don’t always have to rile him up like that,” she told him exasperatedly.

“Am I just supposed to pretend you’re not the woman I love in front of him?” he asked incredulously.

Despite herself, she felt her heart melt at the words. She could sense he was waiting for their conversation to continue, but she turned to the front where Neji was busy scribbling away. Konohamaru seemed to get the hint and transitioned seamlessly from fiancé to politician.

“So, election campaign,” Neji started.

___________

It had been 6 days since she had last seen Daiki before she had been imprisoned in the compounds and neither Sasuke nor Shikamaru had shown up since her argument with the former.

Hinata felt herself lose more of her sanity every day she was trapped in this room, with some nameless lackey delivering food to her. She couldn’t eat and even sleep evaded her now. Horrible thoughts plagued her; what had Sasuke done to Daiki? Had he taken him and left?

What would she do now?

Where was life going now that she had been discovered?

These were questions only Sasuke could provide answers to because Sasuke was the powerful deity who decided the fortunes or misery of her life.

Lying in the bed, Hinata stared towards the door listlessly, even as she knew no one was coming. It would be so easy for them to just forget she existed while the world moved on around her. Hadn’t it happened once before too?

The woman shook her head before burying it in the pillow she was lying on.

I’m so tired, she thought. And she was. It wasn’t just the exhaustion and constant dread of the week weighing down on her, nor was it the confrontation with her husband that had left her drained.

She realized she was so tired since the last 3 and a half years.

She was exhausted to the point of collapse.

She had been running as fast as she could, for so long, that she didn’t know what to do with all the thoughts that swirled in her mind now. She couldn’t make peace with the fact that she wasn’t running anymore.

It was a relief as much as it was a pain.

On one hand, it had all been futile. She had ended up right where she had been once before in her life. And on the other hand, it was such a relief to be back in the familiar landscape of Konoha. Konoha was her home. It was where her family was.

Konoha meant…he would take care of her.

But now Sasuke wasn’t the center of warmth he had once been for her.

Instead, he hated her.

Hinata moved her gaze away from the door to the dresser. There was a bag containing toiletries and a change of clothes that had been provided for her by a lackey a day and half ago. She had paid it no mind, opting to keep lying on the bed and drown in her depressing thoughts.

Now, she felt a surge of energy.

She was still dressed in the silk pajamas she had been dragged out of her house in and her hair felt greasy and tangled.

Sasuke wouldn’t talk to her like an equal if she didn’t at least look the part. She had to convince him whenever he came back to talk to her again. And if necessary, she would request an audience with him.

She sat up in a single fluid motion and made her way to the dresser and opened the bag containing the items. It contained razors, hair products and a bar of soap. She felt a pang when she recognized all the products as those she used to love when she lived in Konoha.

Hinata stopped at the sight of the clothes that had been stashed inside the bag. She reached inside and carefully pulled out the delicate blue top she had owned once. She felt tears surge to her eyes as she held it in front of her, slowly blinking away the tears.

She shook her head. It wasn’t time to be sentimental. She had work to do.

__________

Chapter Text

I tried to write your name in the rain

But the rain never came

So I made with the sun

• ­Daddy Issues (The NBHD)

_______________

Sasuke looked out of the window, sitting in his newly re-decorated office. Sai had done a good job. He always did.

The young man reached over to his drawer and pulled out the files he was looking for; an armament deal they were considering with the Mist. It was being looked over by his lawyers, but since he was a lawyer himself, he could deal with the terms and decide if they were favorable enough for him or not.

There was wind blowing outside his office and the trees swayed leisurely. Sasuke blinked at the imagery before focusing his attention back towards the pages.

An image of Daiki flashed in front of his face. The boy was crying for his mother most of the time he wasn’t distracted and it distressed Sasuke to see him so. He knew he needed to face Hinata sooner than later and figure out what the fuck would happen next.

But almost a week later, he was still reeling from the shock of it all. The fact that almost 4 years of his life had been a lie-

Focus, he told himself, trying to read the document anew.

-would propose a trade agreement with Uchiha Weapons Company Ltd. of Konoha according to the bylaw 23C-

“What are you doing here?” someone interrupted and Sasuke looked up abruptly, reaching for his back pocket instinctively. The gun was cold against his fingers and he relaxed.

Sai stood there, dressed in black as usual. His dark thermal shirt clearly outlined his thin, toned body and the combat boots paired with the dark pants made Sai look more like the ex-ANBU he was than a member of the Uchiha crime syndicate.

“I should be asking you that,” he countered, shutting the file for good, giving up on getting any work done.

“It’s Sunday,” Sai reminded him, the pale man coming in from the doorway to sit in the chair across Sasuke’s desk.

“Exactly,”

“Well a second in command has no days off,” the man told him.

“And a boss has even less of those,” Sasuke replied.

Sai nodded. That was fair enough. Both of them had spent more weekends in the office building, going over matters both legal and illegal than they had ever spent going out and having fun as compared to people their age.

Sasuke didn’t mind the silence. He relished it in fact. He took the file and set it back in its designated drawer. He decided that legal work would have to wait until tomorrow. Right now, he could go over the matters of the family he was head of with Sai.

“What are you going to do about your wife?” Sai asked out of nowhere, in his usual tone, as if asking about the weather.

Sasuke’s neck snapped up. Sai was many things- a trusted comrade, a highly skilled fighter and former intelligence agent- but subtle wasn’t one of them. It wasn’t exactly going to be a secret to keep from his second in command that his dead wife was actually very much alive.

He just hadn’t expected Sai to ask about it so bluntly.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your concern,” he told Sai with a snap.

Sai nodded. “It’s not. I’m just wondering if there’s any damage control to be done,”

“I took care of it,” he told him. “Who told you about this anyways?”

Sasuke hadn’t spoken to any of his people since the day he came back from Suna with his precious cargo. He strongly suspected Shikamaru would have been the one to inform Sai in case of any trouble.

“I went by the house to report about the clubs downtown. Shikamaru was there with your son,”

Sasuke clenched his fist under the table. Sai continued further. “He informed me of the situation,”

“I assume you haven’t spread the word,” Sasuke said.

Sai rolled his eyes. “So far the only people who know Hinata Hyuga is alive are either at your house or in this room,”

That would include the 2 guards posted all time at Sasuke’s residence.

“Ensure that it stays that way,”

Sai nodded. “You still need to deal with her. It’s been almost a week,”

“Remain within your limits,” Sasuke said, feeling that chilly calm seep into him as he straightened his posture and leaned back into the chair, crossing his legs. “Just do what you’re told like a good lapdog,”

Sai remained emotionless.

“The Hyuga have been asking to set up a meeting with you,” Sai said, continuing as if nothing had happened. “So unless you’re planning to keep her locked in that room forever, you need to deal-,”

“Who knows,” Sasuke said, growing bored of this conversation and standing. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his silver cigarillo. He opened it deliberately, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it with his silver lighter. The Uchiha crest was carved in its side. He took his time with the action.

Taking a puff, he looked at Sai again.

“If the Hyuga request another meeting, tell them to contact Mr. Uchiha’s secretary- not you,”

“Understood boss,”

Sasuke walked around the desk and towards the exit. He was reminded in that instant of the cool aura his uncle had exuded whenever Sasuke had seen him deal with matters. He felt the same coldness inside him now.

“Sai?” he called as he reached the door of his office, not bothering to turn around.

“Yes boss?”

Sasuke smoked another puff of the cigarette before continuing. “Don’t ever tell me what to do again,”

He didn’t wait for an answer as he walked out of the room, his posture straight and precision in his step.

__________

The Uchiha crime syndicate had been passed down to Sasuke in his heritage. It used to be a strong, compact thing once, comprised of blood relatives and massive numbers.

By the time Sasuke became the head of the organization, almost everyone was gone. The battered, shell of the powerful family was left to him, haunted in name and in history. It was never meant for him, but he ended up its head anyways.

He had worked hard to live up to his family’s legacy.

He had recruited members, loyal to him till their last breath. He had worked cleverly, dexterous in the means he took to acquire these life-long loyalties.

He had built establishments that would live up to the Uchiha name.

He had reinforced and strengthened their storefront business, expanding their legalized weapons trade instead of remaining as smugglers on the run from law.

As a boss, he was thriving.

As a person, he had never been lucky in terms of happiness and long-lasting fulfillment.

Sasuke thought about this while he drove back home. He wasn’t a happy man. He had never thought of himself as a happy man, except for the brief period that he had been with Hinata- and look how that had turned out.

He was cold and unfeeling and he had mastered the art of detachment from everyone and everything to protect the remaining shred of sanity he had- which wasn’t much admittedly. He was vicious and bitter and angry.

Sasuke knew he had no reason to care about how he was living before. But the existence of his son changed things.

The man didn’t want his son to inherit this shell of an angry man as his father. He didn’t want his son to remember him in a vague fog, like he did his own father. He didn’t want his son to have a father that was so detached, so afraid to get hurt again that he never tried.

He loathed admitting it but Sai and Shikamaru were right.

He couldn’t keep dragging out the encounter with Hinata. It was too draining.

He deserved to tell her exactly what she had put him through and he also deserved an explanation. That was why, summoning all his patience, he made his way towards the Uchiha compounds.

He had things to do.

___________

Chapter Text

Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise

And left you there?

Will you forgive my soul

When you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?

• Coney Island (Taylor Swift)

____________

Sasuke sat comfortably, lounging on the couch in the living room of his childhood home. The interior had changed when Obito had been living there with him and Itachi and Sasuke hadn’t changed it after them.

He was patient, awaiting his estranged wife who was being fetched by a guard he had stationed at the compound. His suit was immaculate and not a hair was out of place. He was smoking a cigarette with slow puffs.

He deliberately kept his gaze away from the corner his wife was supposed to emerge from. He wasn’t sure he could keep his calm demeanor if he looked at her.

This was ironical, he thought as he waited. Up until a week ago, he would have sold his soul to have another glimpse at his wife somehow. But now that he had found her, he couldn’t stand to see her.

He could hear footsteps approaching and he didn’t turn towards the sound. The heavier footsteps in the front indicated the guard walking in front. He reached the center of the living room, directly in front of Sasuke to bow slightly.

“I’ll be outside if you have further need of me,” he said in a monotonous voice. Sasuke didn’t bother with a reply or any acknowledgement at all as the guard walked out.

The second set of footsteps, lighter and hesitant came into his peripheral view. Sasuke tried his best to keep his gaze directed away from her, but he failed.

He hated himself for the way he drank in the sight of her, his heart still unbelieving that she was here; that she wasn’t another dream he’d conjured up. He hated her for being the one who had turned him into this paranoid, hurt man.

She was wearing a familiar blue top that he somehow never had the courage to have cleared out from their shared closet space. Her short hair caressed the sides of her long neck and she looked very unsure of herself, looking at him.

“Sasuke,” she said, her voice sounding breathless. Sasuke didn’t know if it was fear of him or if he still took her breath away. He didn’t want to know either way.

“Hinata,” he replied, making sure to keep his voice from wavering. “You look well,”

His taunt made her eyes go from unsure to hard. She swallowed and walked over to sit on the chair opposite to the couch. “A few days of talking to myself did me good,”

Ah so she had teeth now. Good. So did he.

“And to think all that isolation could have been avoided if you weren’t a fucking liar,” he told her, taking another drag of his cigarette. She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

He used to smoke occasionally when they were married, but never in front of her and never with such familiarity. He huffed out the smoke.

“Where’s Daiki?” Hinata asked an underlying hint of desperation in her voice. “Is he okay?”

Sasuke wondered if he looked unhinged enough to harm his only offspring- his miraculous second chance. He hoped his narrowed eyes depicted his emotions to his wife.

“Of course he’s okay,” Sasuke snarled, “I’m not in the habit of harming minors, much less my own blood,”

“Can I see him?” she asked, pleading seeping into her tone. “Please, just let me see him for a little time,”

Sasuke actually smirked. Was she serious? Looking at her face, he realized she was. Oh.

“That’s not going to happen,” he told her finally. “You’re here at my mercy. As far as the world is concerned, you’re dead. So either you play by my rules or you rot here for the rest of your life,”

Hinata’s breath quickened audibly and Sasuke’s smirk deepened. “You can’t do that!” she snapped. “He can’t live without his mother,”

“He’ll get over it,” Sasuke told her.

“Are you seriously telling me he’s not crying for me?” she asked, crossing her arms. “That you know how to properly care for him?”

Sasuke didn’t say anything because he couldn’t refute her doubts. It was true that his son was crying for his mother a lot of the time he wasn’t distracted and also that Sasuke was unsure of how to proceed in a lot of situations. Shikamaru wasn’t a lot of help either, but Sasuke had lost count of the number of favors he owed the other man by now.

“I’m not here to talk about Daiki exclusively,” he said, “So why don’t we start from the beginning?”

“Did you come here to taunt me or to actually resolve things?” she asked.

Sasuke leaned back into the couch and let his legs cross leisurely. “I’m in no hurry. Do you have somewhere to be?”

“Sasuke please,”

“Let’s start where we left off,” he suggested suddenly. He realized the tearing sensation inside him was pain. He wanted to hurt her just as much as she had hurt him.

Hinata didn’t say anything. She just looked at him, something sad in her features. But she nodded anyways. “What do you want to know?”

“Let’s start with your kidnapping,” he implored.

Hinata’s jaw tightened but she acquiesced.

________________

Konoha city, 2020

Sasuke’s life at 25 years old was slowly going to shit even before his wife was kidnapped. There were many reasons for that.

Firstly, there he was, the Uchiha heir, also the last Uchiha after Obito had disappeared, ensuring that his empire thrived in the hell he had come to love as Konoha. He was busy trying to get the international license for the weapons trade (smuggling) business his brother had mercifully legalized before his death. The authorities were giving him hell over the paperwork, the money trail and the trustees of the company. Most people needed a bribe to even do their actual fucking job and Sasuke was sick of trying to go legit. But sadly, it was what Hinata was imploring him to do in this stage of their life.

So, life was stressful.

Secondly, there was the matter of those Otsutski fucks, who were trying to sell drugs on the Uchiha turf of Konoha. They had set up a meeting with Sasuke’s second, Sai, to set up a beneficial agreement. They wanted to propose a 70/30 deal on every drug sale on Uchiha owned clubs. Sasuke tolerated a lot of things in his life, but he didn’t think Konoha needed its citizens on crack. It would probably result in more shit than Sasuke could tolerate in this hell. Besides, he considered drugs undignified and had graciously turned down the Otsutski.

But so far, they had refused to back off and Sasuke was getting annoyed.

Thirdly, his in-laws were being insufferable as usual. They wanted some press campaigning with Sasuke’s involvement, to show the Uchihas as their official campaign funding and endorsers (aka their own personal mobsters). He was always so reluctant about facing the media and feeding the gossip train. But since his marriage had basically ensured that the Hyugas and Uchihas were one big happy family, he was supposed to help them out.

So far Sasuke had refused, but Neji’s constant nagging made Sasuke want to take out his glock and silence him forever.

His last problem was the one bothering him the most, so he didn’t know why it was ranked fourth. He was having some marital issues. Hinata and he had been arguing about some things. She was tired of his late night activities which involved fighting, negotiating with crime lords and getting home in the early hours of the morning.

Sasuke had ensured her that it was only for the time-being. But he wasn’t sure how true that was. And he didn’t have time to sort it out right now.

He was in the middle of heading down to one of the clubs to sort some shit out, when he got a call from Sai. It was already 9 p.m. and he had promised Hinata he would be coming home early that day.

“What?” he asked shortly.

“Bad news. There was an attack on one of our vehicles,” Sai informed him

“Where?” he asked, sitting up straighter, scanning his brain to think of which weapons transport vehicles were scheduled for today.

“Uptown, near the hospital,” Sai said hurriedly. “It was your personal vehicle,”

Sasuke’s heart stopped. “What?”

“Four masked personnel shot the car. There was a crash and the guards were shot down. They took Mrs. Uchiha,” he continued.

“What the fuck was Hinata doing outside?” he yelled into the phone.

“I don’t know boss,” Sai said. “We’re on it,”

Sasuke felt his blood pressure spike. It was undoubtedly the Otsutski fuckers, trying to force his hand. Unfortunately, they didn’t know what most of his enemies had already learnt: You didn’t mess with his wife. Sasuke knew he was going to flay each of them alive.

“I’ll meet you at the warehouse,”

____________

Chapter Text

(She) wasn’t pathetic; she was stuck. There’s a difference.

- Beth Harmon (The Queen’s Gambit)

_________

Hinata took in a deep breath before starting. “It was almost 3 and half years ago,” she started methodically, as if giving a police interview. “Around 8 pm. on a Friday night, I left the house-,”

“Why?” Sasuke cut her off impatiently.

“Excuse me?”

“I never found out why you left the house that night,” he said, his voice a touch softer, almost curious. The anger that had provided the tension in his voice almost a minute ago was tamped down and he eyes her almost questioningly.

Hinata stilled and looked away from him. She racked her brain for a reason to give him, a reason that would make him less angry. Maybe he would be sympathetic enough if she gave him a reason that would please him and she could use that to his advantage long enough that he would let her see her son.

But she looked at him and through the curiosity; she could recognize the look of steel in his eyes.

He looked so different, she mused, as she looked at him deeply. That night in Suna, she had been so panicked that she hadn’t gotten a good look at him despite her longing. The only other time he had visited before this, she had been too angry and he too enraged.

But now-

“I don’t remember,” she told him truthfully, looking back up at him.

Sasuke’s curiosity vanished as a sneer took over his features. Hinata’s heart hurt at the look. He had never glanced at her like this. They were young and they had problems and they would fight but even in those moments, there was something irrevocably fond in his gaze.

Without that, it felt like looking at someone entirely different.

“Pathetic,” he voiced out. “All this time I spent agonizing over a particular reason while you were just being unreasonable and fucking stupid,”

Hinata flinched despite herself.

“Well you were the reason for both,” she snapped. Life hadn’t exactly been a dream since she moved to Suna and she had grown some spine in that duration. “Now can I continue or will you keep interrupting like a toddler with no impulse control?”

Sasuke’s frown grew but he didn’t say anything and that was indication enough. She started talking once more.

__________

Maybe it was that Hanabi had called, telling her she was sick or she was missing her family while Sasuke gallivanted who knew where. Maybe she went out to rebel against her husband and buy a dress by herself for once.

She didn’t really remember the reason she had been out there when it happened.

All she knew was, walking out of the house: she was angry.

No, not angry. She was furious.

Sasuke had been growing disillusioned for a while. Hinata had married him knowing who he was- the heir to an empire built on blood, obsessive almost to a fault and possessive to the limit of extreme paranoia.

But she felt like each growing day he was becoming less of flesh and bone and more like the Uchiha family portraits they had hung in the compounds. His gaunt eyes and pale face which she saw less and less with every passing day, with a smile on his face even with the blood coating his hands.

It scared her.

The house was always quiet. It was silent and nowadays it felt like the silence was ringing in her ears all the time. Sasuke’s paranoia was at an all-high because of something going on between gangs. She had just heard vague descriptions to piece together from his late-night phone calls with Sai.

But his instructions had been very clear every time he had spoken to her this week: she was not going anywhere unless he deemed it safe or he was with her.

“I’m going out tonight,” she had told him that morning, before everything changed. She was speaking very little to him since a few days and she could tell he was frustrated.

“No,” he told her, not bothering to look up from where he was tying his cufflinks carefully.

“You actually have to be here to stop me from going,” she replied, putting away the breakfast dishes.

Sasuke looked up. She could see that her remark bothered him, that he wanted to be around more often. Like he used to be before this-

“I’ll be home early tonight,” he promised. “Then we can go wherever you want,”

Hinata knew better than to believe his promises. Even so, the earnest look in his eyes reminded her of the boy she had fallen in love with.

“You promise?” she asked, moving closer to where he leaned against the dinner table. “7 pm?”

Sasuke cupped her face. He didn’t smile so often, but when he did, it changed his whole face. He smiled while pulling her into a kiss. “Promise baby,”

So, when he hadn’t showed up as usual after an hour of waiting, she decided to leave on her own. She was dressed up so might as well go.

“Kai, take out the car,” she instructed the guard posted at the house. He was a couple of years younger than her and Sasuke maybe. He stared at her.

“Mr. Uchiha explicitly forbade me from taking you anywhere alone,” he told her.

“Well, Mrs. Uchiha is telling you to take out the car. I’ll deal with him,” she assured him, feeling strangely teary and sad. Kai showed no intentions of moving and Hinata’s frustration seeped into her voice as she spoke with her voice breaking. “Please. I just need to be out of here for a while,”

Kai watched. Then he nodded.

On the drive, she looked out the window. The dark landscape of the city she loved blurred past her. “Where are we heading, Ms. Hinata?” Kai asked from the passenger seat as the driver maintained a steady speed.

“Take me to the Hyuga estate,” she told him.

It was probably a 30 minute drive, since the Uchiha compounds were built at the very edge of the upper side of Konoha. Meanwhile she took out her phone, where there were a lot of messages waiting for her.

She clicked on the icon which showed Naruto’s picture. There were 7 unread messages from him.

The last message was a few hours ago. Hinata sighed. Naruto had been one of her closest friends since college and his concern was warranted. They usually kept in touch, but the last few weeks had been particularly draining for Hinata. She felt more tired physically and mentally.

In contrast to Naruto’s stream of messages, there was not a single text or call from her husband; nothing to explain why he wasn’t there and no reassurances to calm her down.

‘He doesn’t care’ she thought.

She didn’t have the heart to call or reply to Naruto, knowing he would immediately recognize her emotions. She simply clicked the power button and let the screen go black.

She was still looking out the window some time later, when there a sharp sound before the car veered off, spinning randomly. The driver desperately tried to fend off any incoming traffic as he steered the car before it crashed into a pole on the side of the road.

Hinata’s head slammed against the back of the passenger seat and she saw spots in her vision.

She closed her eyes and tried to regulate her senses when there was the sound of footsteps, before someone shot a gun. Her eyes shot open, her heart beating wildly in her chest. There was red splattered all over the windshield, which had cracks on it.

The driver was dead.

Kai seemed to be motionless in front of her but the new-comers shot him too, just to be safe. Hinata felt her fingers tremble as Sasuke’s warning flashed in her mind.

She sighed in a trembling breath. She was a Hyuga. There were incidents of kidnapping and extortion in the past and she had been trained for this sort of thing. But strangely, the only thing that was coming into mind was her father’s strict gaze right now as he instructed them-

“If in the end, there is no other way…let yourself go with dignity,” he had told her and Neji.

She braced herself for her door opening and the two masked men hovered. She waited for the gun to be shot. She mentally apologized to everyone who loved her- especially Sasuke.

But instead of a gun being fired, she saw the back of the gun being brought towards her.

It made impact with her temple.

Blissful darkness surrounded her.

_______________

Chapter Text

My conscience burning

My eyes are too

Cuddled up with a heart condemned

I should love you and I swear I do

• FAMY (Ava)

______________

Sasuke finished his cigarette, tapping into the ash tray in front of him, before putting it out. He breathed out, watching the smoke form a thin veil which obscured the woman in front of him for a while.

He didn’t interrupt her story again, listening raptly to her point of view on the events that had occurred. He forced his anger to stay down as he listened.

Hinata paused to take a breath and Sasuke realized she had stopped speaking. He straightened his posture, his eyes going to her face once more, much like it had for most of the conversation. He remembered times when he would fall asleep listening to the sound of her voice.

“So they took you to a warehouse in Konoha first?” he asked, referring to the Otsutski men who had kidnapped her.

She shook her head. “I don’t remember much of the journey. But when I woke up, it was evening again and we still hadn’t reached our destination,”

He thought back to the details of his wife’s kidnapping case. They were seared into his mind. “They wouldn’t risk hiding you in Konoha,” he told her. “We searched everywhere by the next evening. You were nowhere. Konoha had to be ruled out as possible hideouts afterwards,”

Hinata nodded once.

“I imagine you must have been quite frantic,” she said, meeting his gaze.

He couldn’t help the sardonic chuckle that escaped his mouth at that word.

_________

If Konoha thought the Uchiha Mob boss was cruel normally, they would revise his reputation to demon of hell soon.

Sasuke reached the warehouse, which also doubled as their hideout for more illicit purposes normally. It was at the very edge of the outskirts so it was abundant in space and privacy. Sai was already there, Suigetsu sitting next to him, overlooking some maps.

“We assembled 3 man teams for all parts of Konoha,” he informed Sasuke as soon as he entered the room which was his office.

“We’re concentrating more effort into the areas where we think she could be hidden,” Suigetsu said, “Like the warehouses, downtown clubs and seedy areas,”

“Did the men leave any messages? Any token as to their identities? As a symbol?” Sasuke questioned, taking off his suit jacket and throwing it aside.

“There was an Otsutski crest on the vehicle from the video footage of the incident that I got,” Suigetsu replied. “This is definitely their work. I’ve been looking into their organization,”

Sasuke remembered the strange, circular crest on the shirts of the men who had come to tempt him to work with their organization.

“Then why haven’t we heard about them before aside from the drug offers,” Sasuke snapped.

“Well they might be working in the shadows like us,” Sai suggested. “We’re known for our crimes but no one knows Sasuke’s actual involvement in the crimes we commit,”

That was true. Every government official who dealt with their syndicate met Sai as the boss, meanwhile Sasuke was the one pulling the strings from the shadows.

“We need to search the whole city first,” Suigetsu told them, standing up from his seat.

Sasuke paused. He was seeing red right now. “I don’t think those fuckers are going to keep her in Konoha,” he informed them. He snapped his fingers at Sai. “Find out their base of operations,”

He turned to Suigetsu. “I need to know who the head of the operation is. Look for clues in the documents you have on them,”

Sai and Suigetsu nodded in agreement.

Sasuke called for the guard outside his office. “Tadashi?”

The man in question appeared, blankly looking at him. “Call Hiro from the house and send him to me,”

He itched to take out his gun and commit some violence. He assured himself. He was going to get Hinata back, even if it was the last thing he did. And then he was going to have fun ripping out the eyes of the whole Otsutski gang.

But that was a matter for later. He sighed as he took out his phone.

The line rang for a long time before someone picked it up. “Hello?” a sleepy voice answered from the other end.

“I need your help,”

______________

Naruto’s eyes were red, but he seemed just as frantic as Sasuke.

“What do you mean they took her? How could you let this happen?” he yelled as he leaned over the table in Sasuke’s office at Uchiha Weapons Co.

“Obviously I didn’t have any choice in the matter,” Sasuke snapped.

“I can’t believe this,” Naruto said, his gaze unfocused as he ran a hand through his hair. Sasuke resisted the urge to punch the man for acting as if Sasuke didn’t care for his own wife’s safety. He would never have turned to the blonde politician for help if it wasn’t an emergency. He might dislike Naruto for being so close to his wife, but he could admit that Naruto was a great friend to her and genuinely cared for her safety.

“Did you call the police chief?” he asked.

“Commissioner Sarutobi is on it,” Naruto reassured him. Sasuke thought of the dark haired man, Asuma Sarutobi, who was the son of the late former mayor of Konoha. He was a capable man. “He’s putting all resources to finding her,”

“Is he?” Sasuke asked skeptically. While no one could directly pin any blame on him for the criminal activities of his syndicate, his association was enough to instill wariness and fear in people. It was also enough to warrant dislike from the authorities of Konoha.

Naruto nodded. “She’s important to me,”

There was another tick, something frantically trying to click in Sasuke’s mind at Naruto’s words, but there was no time. “I should go check up on my own men,”

Naruto’s jaw tightened. He was one of the few politicians who knew Sasuke as the actual face behind the Uchiha. And he obviously didn’t approve.

“I’ll let you know if I find something,” he muttered instead of starting another lecture on ethics, which Sasuke had heard from him a lot in college, back when they’d been something like friends for a time.

“Back at you,”

_________

Sasuke smoked another cigarette as the last 3 man team returned empty from their search. No trace of Hinata. Suigetsu was still trying to pull any mentions of the Otsutski from old Uchiha archives while Sai was helping him figure out clues.

His head was spinning.

Why didn’t he just go home early like he’d promised?

Why didn’t Hinata just stay home?

When he found her, he was going to do something between hugging her and never letting go or fucking the rebelliousness out of her. Maybe both.

His hands shook as he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and breathed out.

He needed to find her.

He needed her.

His mind flashed back to everyone he had ever lost in his life. His parents, his whole family, his cousin, his brother, his uncle-

He could not bear any more losses.

He couldn’t lose his wife too.

Didn’t she understand why he was so obsessive over her protection?

“Can I come in, sir?” he heard a voice ask. He looked up at the doorway. Hiro stood there, the head of his house’s security detail. He looked visibly nervous. He was right to be.

“Hiro, I was waiting for you,” he gestured for the man to enter.

“Sir-I’m so sorry, I didn’t-,”

“Hiro,” Sasuke interrupted, standing from his desk. “When I put you as the head of my personal security detail, do you remember what I told you?”

The man’s shallow breathing was loud. He didn’t speak. “WHAT DID I SAY?” Sasuke yelled suddenly.

Hiro flinched visibly as his voice rose and Sasuke threw aside the ornaments on his table with a single swipe. “Y-you said that my only job was to e-ensure Mrs. Uchiha’s safety,” he whispered.

“That’s right,” Sasuke said, seemingly satisfied as he walked closer to Hiro.

“I-,”

“But I don’t see her anywhere Hiro, do you?” Sasuke asked, coming to stand a few steps from the guard.

“She said…,”

“She probably said she’d handle me,” Sasuke said. “Probably talked to Kai, who’s too softhearted for his own good, and you assented to their departure,”

Hiro breathed shallow again. “Yes sir,”

“Do you see her here, handling me?”

Hiro shook his head.

“Kai’s dead,” Sasuke informed him. “Which is for the better because if I had found him alive after he failed to protect my wife…he would have begged me for death,”

“I’m sorry sir. I called, I texted but you-,”

“But I didn’t pick up so you failed to listen to the only fucking command I gave you at your appointment at my house,” Sasuke snarled before straightening. Then, to Hiro’s obvious horror, Sasuke smiled.

“Don’t worry,” he continued. “This won’t be painful,”

Hiro didn’t have time to move before Sasuke pressed his precious gun to his temple. “I’m busy finding my wife and I don’t have the time to play with you right now,”

“Please…please don’t-,” Hiro said, tears brimming in his eyes.

There was a small sound of the gun before Hiro crumpled to the floor. Sasuke walked back to the desk without looking back and took another drag of his cigarette.

“Tadashi!” he called, waiting until the man appeared.

“Clean this up,” he instructed before walking out of the room. He had more pressing matters to attend to.

__________

Chapter Text

Nara Shikamaru hailed from a long line of very intelligent men.

His family had been comprised of political advisors and men who knew the value of working from the shadows. His father had been a political advisor for Mayor Sarutobi for a long time and once upon a time, Shikamaru had thought he would follow in his father’s footsteps.

Life had a way of working things different to one’s expectations, he supposed, considering where he had ended up now.

He sighed as he took another look at the kid sitting in front of him on the carpet and let his head hit the back of the sofa. He didn’t feel really intelligent babysitting Daiki for the 30^th time this week.

“Ah, I always knew working with Uchihas was trouble,” he commented to himself.

Daiki looked up at his muttering, a startling resemblance to his father, which always made Shikamaru pause. He grinned toothily. “Shika, look!” he said, jumping up from his sitting position and toddling over to Shikamaru’s side on the sofa.

He was holding a paper in his hand, a black crayon in his other. He presented the paper to Shikamaru by shoving it in his face.

“Wait kid,” he said, shaking his head in amusement despite fighting another urge to sigh or go beat Sasuke up for pinning him with his child again. This was not why he’d gotten his Masters in Political science.

The picture depicted stick figures, who he presumed were supposed to be Daiki’s family. There were 5 in total. “Okay, who’s this?” he asked the kid.

“That’s Mama,” Daiki pointed to the stick figure with purple strings protruding from the round head. He moved to the next one. “That’s Dada,”

Shikamaru choked over a laugh at the stick figure whose hair looked like a porcupine resting on his head. Oh he was definitely saving this picture for later. “And who’s this?” he asked, moving next.

“Lola,” Daiki pointed to the short stick figure. “And Daiki,” he said to the one immediately next to it.

“Who’s Lola?” Shikamaru asked.

“Lola and me play every day,” Daiki said excitedly before his smile dimmed. “Lola and Mama are coming back?”

Daiki had asked about his mother almost constantly. Shikamaru felt another spike of anger at his friend and boss. “Yeah…I told you, she’s just gone for some work. She’ll be back soon. You can show her this picture then,”

Daiki didn’t look like he believed Shikamaru any longer, but he still nodded. “Then we can go home?”

Shikamaru didn’t know what to say to that. “You’ll have to ask your mama about that,” he told the child. Not wanting to dim the mood further, he moved to the last stick figure. “Is that me?”

It looked like there was a fire around his head, but Daiki’s smile grew again and he nodded vigorously. “Do you like it Shika?”

Shikamaru stared at the piece of paper, feeling something well up inside him.

He didn’t know how long it had been since he had been exposed to such innocence. He had remembered this feeling of quiet peace when he was a child himself, but Konoha had never let him or anyone else retain their purity.

He didn’t know how long it had been since someone looked at him so earnestly, as if he would keep them safe. After all the bloodshed and violence and corruption, he didn’t know how long it had been.

Daiki wasn’t even his son, but the flare of protectiveness he felt for the boy was-

“…I love it,” He told Daiki, turning towards him.

“You keep it,” Daiki told him happily.

“Thanks kid,” he replied, clutching the paper tighter.

“I want food,”

Shikamaru sighed. He didn’t know the proper diet for a child but this week had taught him a lot. “What do you want to eat?”

“Noodles!” Daiki shrieked.

“Okay,” Shikamaru smiled, shaking his head. His first attempts had been disastrous but he had a basic hang of it now. “But you have to finish the vegetables again,”

Daiki nodded. “I help you make it,” he offered.

Shikamaru figured there was no mess Sasuke’s cleaning staff couldn’t clean. Besides, it served him right to leave Shikamaru with babysitting and disappearing with a cryptic text.

I’m going to talk to Hinata.

He picked up Daiki and they walked towards the kitchen. Daiki started blabbering about his friend Lola and how he loved playing tag and how his mama made noodles for them every day and also nuggets and absolutely never made him eat his vegetables, which Shikamaru supposed couldn’t be true knowing Hinata.

But he replied when necessary and let Daiki run around as he prepared the food.

Even so, there was a lingering worry in the back of his head.

Sasuke was his friend. He was utterly loyal to him both as his advisor and also as a friend. But he could admit with no hesitation how volatile his friend had become over the years, especially after Hinata.

He had seen firsthand how distracted and unfocused Sasuke had been the whole week; how despite his best attempts at staying detached, his anger was getting the best of him.

Shikamaru worried that the conversation would Hinata would make things worse. And he didn’t want that. He wanted his friends safe and happy and he didn’t want Daiki, who was playing by himself with spoons in front of him, to grow up in a dysfunctional family.

He didn’t want Konoha to change this boy too.

Maybe Hinata was right, but even so, Sasuke wasn’t in the wrong either.

He decided to give them a few hours to talk things through. But if he needed to intervene, he would. He couldn’t stand by and watch things go wrong.

Not again.

_________

Chapter Text

What a point love has brought me to

کس موڑ پہ ہے لائی عاشقی؟

____________

“I didn’t remain conscious for long when we were still en route,” Hinata recalled, her expression morphing into one that showed her concentration in thinking. Her hands in her lap started intertwining like they did whenever she was nervous as a child.

“When did you wake up?”

“Probably a day or two later,” she confessed. “I felt terribly parched, my head was spinning and the nausea and vertigo were overwhelming,”

“They probably used anesthesia on you throughout the journey,” Sasuke guessed, a twinge of anger hitting him even as he thought about it happening.

“Maybe,” she said. “My… condition probably didn’t help,”

 An uncomfortable silence descended upon them at her statement, because they both knew exactly what condition she was referring to. Hinata knew she owed him an explanation but she wanted to go about the story chronologically. “Anyways, when I woke up-,”

“Did you know?” Sasuke interrupted.

Hinata paused. “What?”

“When you went out that night,” he said, not meeting her eyes, every muscle in his body tensed, “Did you know you were pregnant?”

Hinata felt a rush of anger. Didn’t he know her? She would never have willingly put her child in danger simply because of a tantrum she was having with her husband. But then again, she thought, the Hinata he knew wouldn’t have done what this ruthless mother had done to him either.

“Of course not,” she told him, careful in letting no emotion show on her face. “I would have told you,”

Sasuke didn’t say anything. He just scoffed. “I don’t know anymore. But go on,”

Hinata did.

_____________

Hinata woke up to darkness and the sound of raindrops pattering over a tin roof.

She blinked; the darkness overwhelming to her head which was still spinning. God, she felt nauseous all over again. Where was she?

Her mind still felt blank when she tried to recall where she was and how she had gotten there. The last thing she remembered was-

Was what?

Panic started to well inside her when she realized she couldn’t really feel her arms and legs. “Oh Gods,” she breathed heavily, anxiety welling in her chest. Her voice was hoarse, as if it hadn’t been used in a while.

“Breathe,” a reassuring voice told her in her mind. “Calm down Hinata,”

…Neji

“Breathe in,” his voice sounded, as if from far away. She obeyed the phantom in her memories as he guided her breath through this panic attack like he had done so many times in her life before. “Breathe out,”

She managed to get a rhythm in her breathing, focusing on only that one thing, before she carefully brought herself back to where she was. By now, her eyes had adjusted to the darkness and she could see the outlines of objects around her. A few chairs…a table-

She had been going out when the car was attacked, she remembered slowly. They shot the car. Kai was dead. She was kidnapped.

Her heart dropped.

Why had she gone out in the first place, she berated herself. Sasuke had warned her that it was dangerous right now and even then, she hadn’t listened. If she had just decided to wait for him at home, Kai wouldn’t be dead and she wouldn’t be wherever she was right now.

She tried to move her arms. With a jolt of relief, she realized her arms and legs weren’t paralyzed, just very heavy and slightly numb. Also tied up.

She had been raised to be logical and analytical about every situation- hypothetical or real- presented to her. She tried to imagine this as one of Neji’s complex situations she had to find a diplomatic route out of. She needed to think.

“You need to focus,” Neji’s lesson rang in her head. “There’s always a way out,”

“Okay,” she thought, recalling what little she knew of the situation. “Someone brought me here for leverage so they can’t kill me yet,”

She realized the only thing left to do was wait for someone to come so she could further assess the situation. She would find a way out. She could negotiate.

Sasuke would save her.

Sasuke…

He would be so frantic. He would never let her go after this. There would be no more freedom after he found her. She didn’t know if that thought was better or worse than the situation she was in right now.

Hinata didn’t find any consolation in her thoughts. So she tried to drown it all out- the regrets, the anxiety and the panic.

She focused on the cool of the metal Uchiha pendant in the hollow of her neck and the pattering of drops on the tin roof of whatever warehouse she was stashed away in and hoped for the best.

___________

It was much, much later when she heard noise.

She had dozed off, feeling exhausted. When she became aware of the noise, she jolted awake. She was keenly aware of how much her head throbbed, how parched her throat was, how hard it was to keep her eyes open and how her arms and legs were pretty much numb again.

A dim bulb was lit up pretty close to where she was sitting, casting its yellow lighting near her face, encasing the rest of her surroundings in its glow. A group of men entered the room.

When the doors opened, Hinata shivered at the draft of cold wind that entered with them. The gates shut heavily behind them and she watched two men stand guard at the entrance while 2 others made their way towards her.

Hinata could feel her heart beating brutally against her chest as she watched the two important looking men approach. She had dealt with self-absorbed and important people her whole life- she could identify them at this point.

One of them was the most peculiarly elegant looking man she had ever set eyes on. His skin was so pale it was almost paper white under the ugly lighting, and even so his eyes were piercing blue. His hair was white when he stepped closer towards her and even his outfit was off-white.

“Hello Hinata,” he greeted her with soft eyes and his voice was so warm that she was tempted to relax around him, despite knowing that he was the enemy.

Of course he knew her name. “Who are you?” she asked, casting a dubious look at his companion, who looked aloof at the whole thing. He had orange-ish hair and strange violet eyes, which were trained directly at her.

“I’m the Otsutski leader,” The white-haired man told her, “But you may call me Toneri,”

Otsutski. Hinata wasn’t familiar with the name.

“Why am I here?” she asked, trying to look as fierce as she didn’t feel.

“You’re here because your husband is a stubborn fool,” he told her with a sneer that changed his whole demeanor. The soft look disappeared to give way to a sharp stare. He was undoubtedly dangerous.

“He’s also a very possessive one,” she told him through gritted teeth, leaning forward in her bindings despite her screaming limbs. “So he’s not going to be very happy that you took me,”

Toneri also mimicked her, leaning forward, bending very slightly in his tall form. “Look at you,” he cooed, “So magnificent even alone in enemy territory,”

“Am I supposed to cower in front of you?” she asked, even though a part of her was begging her to do just that if that’s what it took to get her out.

“Maybe,” he warned her, a strange smile coming over his face. “You know the things I could do to you?”

Hinata forced herself not to physically shake at his words- forced herself to keep her face straight. “I don’t doubt the things your depraved mind could come up with,”

“Your husband has done much worse to his enemies I’m sure,”

The mention of Sasuke brought unexpected tears to her eyes, even as she tried to push them back. She missed him. She had been missing him for months. 

God, she was tired. She was so, so tired. She wanted to just crawl into a hole and let herself pass away.

Instead, she leaned back into the chair and closed her eyes.

“Don’t cry, princess,” Toneri’s voice turned soft again. “I won’t hurt you,”

She shook her head, not wanting to call him out on his lie. “Leave me alone,”

“Maybe I’ll keep you for myself,” Toneri’s voice turned gleeful. “You look like you were made for me,”

“Toneri, maybe it’s time to check on the Uchiha’s status instead of gloating,” the orange haired man told him in a bored voice and Hinata opened her eyes to look at him.

“We can’t leave her alone here,” Toneri mused. “Maybe she should stay by my side,”

“Or maybe I can watch over her while you go and work the other kinks out of this obviously brilliant plan,” the other man said, sarcasm dripping in his voice.

“Enough, Pein,” Toneri snapped. “Don’t forget the generous compensation you’re getting for letting us use your base,”

Pein didn’t respond. Toneri sent her one last look. “Loosen those bonds a little,” he instructed, before leaving. Hinata watched him go. She heaved a small sigh, which came out resembling a sob.

She could feel Pein’s eyes on her as he bent down to loosen the ropes.

“Sasuke,” she thought, “Please come find me,”

______________

Chapter Text

On again, off again, love you like oxygen

I don’t know what to say or do

On again, off again, love you like oxygen

You don’t know what I’d do for you

_____________

Sasuke’s hand clenched again at the mention of the man that had started all this. He forced himself to remain calm and breathe though the agony as he heard his wife recount the misery and fear she had been immersed in because of him.

“He didn’t touch you, did he?” Sasuke asked, dreading the answer.

Hinata shook her head and something inside her loosened. “I was starved, tied up and almost killed but…they didn’t try to touch me,”

Sasuke nodded. He felt so inadequate at the moment. He didn’t know if he could keep hearing the story.

“What happened to Toneri?” Hinata asked. “Did you ever find him?”

Sasuke remembered that dimly-lit room so very clearly. He relished the memories of that night and the days leading up to it. He had so loved meeting Toneri.

“I found him,” was all he told her, the smirk coming on his face despite his attempts to smother it.

Oh Toneri had sung like a little song-bird. By the time Sasuke had been done with him, not even his mother would have recognized him as Toneri. He had looked like a little plucked bird, broken and ugly and dying.

Even his voice had given up in the end. His pretty white hair had been dark red the last time Sasuke had laid eyes on him. He had easily been the most horrifying of Sasuke’s victims- flayed and broken and disgusting. His death hadn’t been easy.

Sasuke would have easily kept going if Sai hadn’t broken into his torture chambers - after days of pleadings and warnings- and vomited at the sight of the former Otsutski head.

Hinata seemed to sense the horrifying images because she didn’t say anything at all. She just sat there in silence, looking at him as if she could finally recognize him.

____________

“It’s been 3 fucking days. Why haven’t we found their base yet?”

Sasuke’s knuckles were bruised when he slammed his fist on Sai’s desk while roaring his question. Sai didn’t look amused as he faced Sasuke with his deadpan face.

“Maybe because they’re a ghost organization who’ve ensured they can’t be found easily?” Sai asked, sarcasm dripping from his words, but even then Sasuke could sense the underlying frustration in his tone.

“Don’t make me kill you too,” Sasuke snapped, his temper shortening with every second there was no news of Hinata. His mind kept jumping to worse case scenarios-

In his line of work, 3 days meant you were either dead or you’d better be a really precious hostage for them to not kill you. But then again, they didn’t have to keep your fingers intact to keep you alive. And Sasuke had pissed off all the wrong people, all his life. There was no way his enemies wouldn’t delight in this opportunity.

His fingers itched for his gun in his waistband and he clenched his hand. He needed to focus. He wasn’t thinking clearly.

He had never felt so helpless.

“Sai, if you don’t find their trace, I swear to God-,”

“Boss, we’re already working with Naruto and that pineapple head-,”

“Work harder,” he snapped. He’d spent the days interrogating every possible connection to the gang in Konoha himself and contacting his associates in other cities. But the Otsutski were like quick-sand, you couldn’t get a hold of them. They almost didn’t exist, if Sasuke didn’t have proof of his missing wife.

“I promise, we’ll find her,” Sai standing, suddenly standing up and looking at Sasuke directly. His face was impassive as usual but his eyes were sincere. Sasuke could appreciate that.

For the millionth time, Sasuke wished his uncle was still here. He would have known what to do. Obito always knew what to do.

“I don’t need your promises,” was what he told Sai harshly, already cataloguing who he was going to talk to next, “I need my wife back,”

______

Hinata kept coming to her consciousness in small bursts of awareness. But every time she did, the scene was the same. There was the dim room, the sound of pattering rain on the tin roof of the warehouse and the strange amethyst eyed man sitting at a distance from her.

Her head pounded and her mouth was so dry she could feel her tongue like a cotton wad inside her mouth. Her wrists were numb. She tried to speak but her voice wouldn’t come out. When she finally spoke, it was an effort.

“H-help,” she said, meekly, despite her best effort to sound solid.

The man looked over. “Stay quiet,” he told her, looking away.

“I need water,” she told him. He didn’t look at her. “Please,” she added, feeling desperate.

The man didn’t look like he would move and she almost gave up hope when he sighed heavily and got up to move. He walked behind her and she followed him with her eyes for as far as she could. The sound of him pouring water was enough to make her dizzy.

His steps came closer and closer to her, before he came to kneel in front of her, putting the cup to her mouth.

Hinata drank greedily, not knowing when she would be getting water the next time. She didn’t know how much time she had spent in this place already. The man didn’t say anything except for telling her to slow down.

She could feel his eyes on her face as she drank the whole cup. He lowered it, almost gently. “Enough?”

She felt her stomach hurt at drinking the whole cup in almost two breaths, but she still nodded. “T-thank you,” she told him, sincerely. He wasn’t making any lewd comments and hadn’t bothered her before. Now he’d given her water.

He stood up. “Don’t thank me. Toneri wants to keep you alive,”

Hinata considered his tone as he went to his previous seat and sat down again, this time facing her. He looked at her carefully, his eyes flitting from her face to her eyes, as if he was cataloguing her features. She saw his eyes stop on her hair.

“I know my hair’s a mess,” she tried to joke, when he didn’t look away.

He didn’t comment. “The color-,” he started before he cut himself off.

Hinata looked at his hair which was a vivid orange too. “What’s your name?” she asked instead.

“You don’t need to know,” he muttered.

“That man, Toneri, called you pein,” she recalled.

“Seems you already know my name then,” he said, straightening as his features hardened a bit. It was as if he was reminding himself of who he was sharing the space with.

“What kind of name is pein?” she challenged, feeling better with the water inside her system.

“Does it not suit me?” he asked, his eyebrows raised and a small smirk starting to creep onto his face. She looked at his short cropped orange hair, his violet eyes and the multiple piercings on his ears.

“No,” she decided. “You’re wearing lenses, too, so those aren’t your real eyes,”

He stilled. Hinata watched him blink with bated breath. Maybe she was annoying him with all this talking. What if he-?

“How can you tell?” he asked, seeming genuinely curious.

“I wear lenses too you know,” Hinata told him. “My eyes are too unusual. They attract unwanted attention. When Sa-,” she stopped at the mention of her husband. “When I need to keep a low profile, I wear lenses,”

“Hmm,” he regarded her, the smirk appearing wider now. “I wear the lenses to keep my real identity hidden too,”

“So I was right,” Hinata said, triumph in her voice despite the circumstances. “Pein is just a pseudonym for your line of work,”

Kidnapping in this case.

His lack of reply was answer enough for her. She again felt his eyes rove over her face and snag on her hair. Hinata felt anxiety creep up her spine before she recognized something in his gaze.

It was the same way she had seen Neji look at her father sometimes; yearning for something he had lost.

His gaze told her two things: he had lost someone important to him and that he was looking for her in Hinata for some reason.

“You really like indigo hair, huh?” she asked, suppressing the urge to ask him what her name was; the girl he had lost.

“Violet,” he answered, almost immediately.  “I love violet hair,”

Hinata took a long breath.

Pein seemed to break out of the trance, this time turning away harshly. He stood to go. “If you need water again, let me know,”

“Why are you being so…so kind?” she asked, her heart beating fast as he took the steps to walk away from her.

He didn’t answer. He kept walking away until he stopped. Without turning to look at her, he spoke in a low voice, so low that Hinata almost didn’t hear him.

“Yahiko,” he told her. “My name is Yahiko,”

_________

Chapter Text

If you’re a lover you should know

The lonely moments just get lonelier

The longer you’re in love

Than if you were alone

Memories turn into daydreams, become a taboo

• House of memories (P!atd)

___________

“Pein,” the name snagged at Sasuke’s memories. He recalled the man’s face from the files Sai had obtained for him when Hinata had been missing. “That was the man from the town of rain,”

Hinata looked up from her hands. “He was good to me,” she told him.

“He helped the man who kidnapped you,” Sasuke said coolly. Too bad he had never been able to get a hold of the man himself-

“He helped me survive,” she told him.

-since his body had been found in the fire that “killed” Hinata. The exits had been blocked and the three bodies had been charred to a husk.

“How?” he asked. “Just because you looked like his dead lover-,”

“Sasuke, I don’t care about the reasons he helped me,” Hinata told him. “He was a criminal. He could have let me die. But he’s the reason I even made it out of that warehouse long enough to get help and save my child’s life,”

Sasuke wanted to snap at her at the reminder that she could have come back to him, but he stayed quiet. “Go on,” was all he said.

___________

Sasuke was idly igniting his lighter before watching it go out, wondering quietly what it would be like if he let it drop on the Persian rug on the floor and watch the place burn down, when someone rushed into his office.

He stood up from his seat abruptly. Had they gotten a ransom offer? He’d pay whatever the fuck they asked, as long as Hinata was returned to him safely.

“Sai, I’m this close to ending it all, where-,”

“Boss, I think I know where Hina-,” Sai broke off at the sharp look that Sasuke threw him at taking Hinata’s name. “-Mrs. Uchiha is,”

Sasuke stood up immediately as Sai threw a file on his desk. He opened it to see several files on several people Sasuke realized were criminals from various places. Some he knew of, some he did not.

“How?” he asked quietly. Most of the names were crossed out, scribbled lines in the margins in Sai’s handwriting. These criminals were mostly from small, less-known places.

“I’ve been investigating and ruling out places,” Sai said, referring to the 4 and a half days it had been since Hinata’s kidnapping. “And I have a pretty solid lead for the town of rain,”

“The town of rain,” Sasuke muttered, his eyes scanning the file on the orange haired man with violet eyes. “Pein?”. That was a strange name.

“I’ve been in that place once before,” Sai told him, “It was a ‘hunt and eliminate’ mission for root,”

“Who’s this pein? Is he a crime boss?”

“His real name’s Yahiko. He was an orphan in the criminal underbelly of the Town of rain. He started a juvenile crime ring, but he took the name after the death of his two closest friends, one of them his lover,”

There was a blurred image of what looked to be teens. One of them was clearly Pein, his orange hair vivid in the gloomy background. There were two other teens next to him, one with red hair and a girl with violet hair. Sasuke felt a pang at the slight resemblance.

He noticed how all of them were gangly and thin teens, something that indicated tight financial conditions. He also noticed how bright Pein’s smile was despite it.

Sasuke hummed in contemplation. “Why do you think she’s there?”

“Well the town is small and almost unheard of. It has mostly shipping jobs in the place. Lots of warehouses,” Sai pointed out. All in all, ideal for keeping someone hidden.

“And if you’re wrong?” Sasuke asked.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not,” Sai told him.

“How?”

“Because of this,” Sai said, taking out a note from his back pocket. There was a lock of indigo hair attached to it.

AGREE TO OUR TERMS OR THE NEXT TIME WON’T BE HER HAIR.

“Lab analysis shows the hair’s been exposed to environment that matches Rain’s climate most,”

Sasuke would typically shoot Sai for not leading with this piece of information, but there was his wife to be retrieved. He ran out from behind the desk.

“Call Uzumaki,” he told Sai. “We might need backup,”

___________

Hinata sighed in relief at the bits of dried fruit Pein carefully fed her. She was starving and on top of that, her hair had been chopped by Toneri’s lackey earlier. It had been almost 5 days since she had been taken and all she had eaten was small bits of food here and there, clearly provided by Pein himself. Feeding her didn’t seem to be high on Toneri’s list of priorities.

“Where’s your boss?” she asked, after Pein ran out of dry fruit. He brought up water to her lips and she drank greedily. Usually Toneri would come at least once in a day to check on her and Pein, but mostly it was just them and her attempts at conversation.

Sometimes, she caught him looking at her, as if trying to find someone else.

“What was her name?” she asked now, unable to resist.

Something tugged at her heart at the look he threw her. He seemed much less stand offish now from the first time she had seen him. “Konan,”

“Was she family?”

“She was the only family I had,” he told her, sighing loudly as he plopped down on the ground, leaning against a crater in the vast warehouse. The sound of rain pattering once again on the tin roof and the humid air Hinata breathed in, were strangely soothing. “It was me, Nagato and her against the world,”

“What happened?” Hinata asked.

Pein shook his head. “This life of crime isn’t sustainable,” he said. “Even if you start it out for noble reasons, it twists you into something you’re not,”

Hinata thought of Sasuke. He’d been much more pliant and willing to work for his happiness at 20 than he was now at 24. His obsession and paranoia had only increased with time.

“They died?” she asked.

He didn’t answer. Hinata didn’t know when she dozed off, lulled into a state of relaxation by the sound of rain. The sleep was fitful, her body tense and sore, but it was still a reprieve from the place she was in. She dreamed of her husband, reaching out for him in her sleep.

A loud crash startled her awake, her heart beating out of its chest. It was much darker now, still raining. But something about the scenery was now ominous. Pein was nowhere in sight, the usual dim bulb not flickering today.

“Yahiko?” she called, tentatively, “Are you here?”

There was no answer. Her voice echoed slightly in the warehouse. Her heart started beating fast, anxiety prickling at her senses. She hadn’t been left alone since she had been brought here as captive. What was going on?

“Is anybody here?” she called again, sensing the desperation in her tone.

She didn’t know if time was passing slowly, or if it was just her anxiety. The rain seemed to get louder and faster against the roof. Then, in the darkness, the heavy doors burst open. Three or four people piled in from the entrance, their footsteps urgent.

“Now what?” a man’s voice asked.

“Stand guard by her side,” Toneri’s voice spoke.

“You’re not going to be able to fight them off,” Pein’s voice said. “It’s still not too late to let her go and run,”

“What the fuck is this smell?” another man asked.

“Like I’d ever bow in front of those Konoha scum,” Toneri scoffed. “Do your job, if you still want to get paid,”

Pein didn’t say anything, as the doors shut. There was a further clanging sound. Someone was locking the door.

“What are you doing?” the first man asked, incredulously.

“I’m making sure no one gets in or out of this place without my knowledge,” Toneri’s voice rang.

“What does that mean?” Pein’s voice asked, frustrated. “Toneri, this is madness,”

“FUCK,” Someone screamed, as a flame lit up, just in front of the warehouse doors. “What’s going on?”

“If I can’t defeat him, I can make sure he won’t win either,” Toneri’s voice said. “Good luck in there. You all better pray I come back safely to let you out before this place burns down,”

“Did that fucker seriously just roll in the matchstick from underneath the gate?” Pein asked, incredulous. “Amazing,”

“Kami, we need to get out,” another voice said, as the fire started rising around the only exit of the warehouse.

Hinata’s head was spinning from all the information. “Pein!” she yelled, “Yahiko!”

The orange haired man turned, as if only remembering that was also there. He ran towards her. “Dammit,” he muttered as he untied her. “I should never have worked with him,”

Hinata was hysterical as she clutched her neck; the pendent around it, priceless and embedded with stones from around the world. The Uchiha Fan was her most prized possession; something Sasuke had gifted her on their wedding night.

“Whatever he’s giving you, this will be worth more,” she guaranteed him, appreciating her limbs which could move freely for now. “Just help me get back,”

Pein looked at the necklace for a moment, before looking at her face. “You can keep the necklace. It will be worth nothing if we all die in here,”

She thrust it into his palm. “How do we exit?”

“That motherfucker must have sprayed the place with gasoline when he relieved me of my duty a few hours ago,” Pein thought out loud. “And the door’s locked,”

“Even if it weren’t,” one of the men called out, “The fire’s blocking the exit,”

“Is there any other way out?” Hinata asked as Pein clutched the necklace in his hand. He shook his head. Hinata felt the tears in her eyes brim over as the realization hit.

They were all going to die in here.

_______

Chapter Text

I've dug two graves for us, my dear

Can't pretend that I was perfect, leavin' you in fear

Oh man, what a world, the things I hear

If I could act on my revenge, no, would I?

Some kill, some steal, some break your heart

And you thought that I would let it go and let you walk

• Revenge (XXXTentacion)

_________

Sasuke’s anger was a constant thing, fluttering inside him upon hearing Hinata’s story further. That motherfucker Toneri had deserved an even worse death than Sasuke had dealt him. Hearing his wife recall the horrifying events she went through made him want to reanimate that white haired freak just to kill him in worse, more creative ways.

“How did you escape?” Sasuke interrupted, “If the entrance was blocked?”

Hinata sighed. “There…was an air vent,”

Sasuke recalled a small, charred opening- if it could be called a window- high on the warehouse walls. It had been too tiny for anyone to get through it though.

“It was there for ventilation,” she said, “But Pein predicted I could get through because of my small stature,”

And she had. “Why didn’t you wait for me to get there?” he asked, finally.

“I didn’t know if Toneri was going to be back for me. Take me to some other place,” she said, raising her face. “I would have rather died than for that to happen,”

Sasuke waited for her to continue. “Pein told me to run as fast as I could. He told me the directions for the main road, to get help there. I barely made it to the road. I was dizzy, nauseous. I don’t remember passing out,”

_________

The smoke was thick, languid as it invaded their lungs and made them cough in futile attempts to alleviate the burn it caused. The four of them- the two lackeys, Pein and Hinata, were standing on crates, trying to rise above the smoke level to no avail.

“Fuck, how could the boss do this to us?” one of the men wailed, coughing badly.

Pein was standing there, almost contemplatively as Hinata cried softly. He seemed to be thinking. “What’s out there for you?” he asked her, suddenly.

Hinata was a little startled. She had been looking at the flames engulfing them to answer. “My husband, my family. My friends,”

“Your husband…is he not the one who got you here in the first place?” Pein asked.

She shook her head. “I should’ve just listened to him. All he wants is to keep me safe,”

“You’ll go back to him just to suffocate in his presence again?”

“It’s because I love him,” she told him, honestly. “I’ll always love him,”

“Do you love him enough to be caged by him again? Like you’ll die without him by your side?”

Hinata didn’t think about it. “Yes,”

Pein seemed to consider her. “We don’t have much time,” he told her. “The only way out would be through that ventilation gap,” he pointed towards the far away, closer to where Hinata had been tied up in the chair.

“W-what?” Hinata asked, “It’s so small,”

“It’ll have to do if you want to live,” Pein told her. “Come, I’ll give you a boost up to reach it,”

Even with the crates underneath them and Pein holding her up on his shoulders, Hinata only barely reached the vent. It was small, she realized, and she would have to squeeze through. Considering the height of the vent, she would probably have a nasty fall on the other side too.

“There’s foliage on the outside,” Pein told her, “Shrubs and stuff. It might soften your fall if he didn’t set the outside on fire as well,”

“And if there’s fire?” she asked.

“Then you’ll have to sustain a few burns when you run through it,” he told her, “But you’ll be okay,”

“I’ll try to break the lock from outside,” she assured him. “I can get you out,”

Pein shook his head. The entrance was already on fire. “Just hope there’s no flames around the back yet,”

The vent was too small. Hinata knew her shoulders wouldn’t fit through. “I don’t think I’ll squeeze through,” she told Pein.

He considered her for a moment. “This is going to hurt,” he told her.

Something cracked when Pein applied force on her shoulder and Hinata almost blacked out with pain. She screamed, her shrill cries filling the burning warehouse. Tears blurred her eyes as she cried. He had dislocated her shoulder.

“Now get out,” he told her, “And make it back home,”

Hinata’s ears were ringing as he helped her fit inside the vent opening. She scrabbled at the edge of the vent and hung off it. She swung her legs through. Despite her small stature, it was a tight squeeze but she managed to get her legs and pelvis through. She hung on the ledge for a singular moment as she looked back down at Pein.

“I’ll get help for you. Just wait,”

He shook his head. “It’s no use. If you want to escape, you have to do it now- in the moment of distractions. Go straight through the trees and you’ll eventually reach the road. Flag for help and get the fuck out of this place,”

Hinata felt her heart hurt for him. “Thank you for your help…”

“Say my name one last time,” he asked of her.

“Goodbye Yahiko,”

He smiled softly, her pendant clutched tightly in his hands. “Goodbye Hinata,”

He disappeared into the smoke, moments after she jumped out of the vent.

Hinata ran like hell. The adrenaline was wearing off and the days of captivity and the smoke she had inhaled were catching up to her. Her steps felt sluggish and her head spun with every stride she took. Many times, she had to stop to lean against a tree and catch her breath.

She wanted to just let herself fall down into the grass and pass out, but she was terrified of waking up to Toneri’s face once again. She just needed to go back home.

She was barely aware of making it to the road, which was deserted in the early hours of the morning. The rain was pattering hard on the concrete and Hinata could hear no other sound. She ran out of the trees, looking around for anyone she could ask for help.

No one’s here. She would try going further, she decided, before her head spun and she felt her vision black out.

She was vaguely aware of being out on the road, and a car honking somewhere.

Then, there was only silence.

_________

By the time Sasuke and his reinforcements had captured the Otsutski gang members or subdued them enough to be functional, it was morning. Naruto was barking orders and Sasuke’s heart was fluttering with the thought of seeing his wife again.

It had taken them a few hours, and the head of the organization, Toneri had been stubborn. But they’d finally gotten the location of where Hinata was being kept out of him.

However when they reached the location, he stopped short.

The warehouse door was coming right off its hinges, blackened and loose, when Sasuke stepped in front of it. His heart sunk at the sight. Flames were a dangerous thing to be near- if they could do this to an iron door-

He heard the rest of his men and the police following, surrounding the perimeter and marking it as off-limits for the public. Sasuke did not think they needed to be worried. No one in his right mind would wander here of their own accord.

He clenched his fists, tamping down the anxiety as he stepped inside the once-warehouse. It smelled horrendously of burnt flesh and ashes and it looked just as bad. Sasuke wasn’t bothered much by the sight of the mangled bodies and the smell of charred meat- as much as he was scared of finding a familiar body inside.

“Mr. Uchiha, you need to step aside,” a young man in a police uniform told him. Sasuke knew this man was a new recruit, otherwise he’d have known not to speak to him in such a manner. He simply looked at the young man, feeling the cold rage creep up on him.

No one was removing him from the premises until he had found the confirmation he wanted.

He let himself walk forward, surveying the mangled, burnt corpses with indifference. Yet, his heart was beating too fast. Sweat accumulated in his clenched hands and he had the urge to wipe his palms on his pants like he used to do as a child.

Calm down, he thought, she’s not here.

He had to hold onto hope for as long as he could. He just needed to ensure she wasn’t here and then he would look for her. She was out there- alive, he was sure of it.

“Sasuke,” someone called.

Sasuke looked away from the body he was inspecting dispassionately, to look at his second in command Sai. The man looked grim, his lips in a thin line as he nodded for Sasuke to come over to his side.

No.

Sasuke almost didn’t feel his legs as they carried him to the other man’s side. He looked at Sai’s feet at a blackened, charred husk of a body. The sight was so grotesque that Sasuke had difficulty believing that this dark silhouette had once been a person.

“I’m sorry, Sasuke,”

Sasuke didn’t understand what Sai was implying. Until he look a few inches away from the body, where a dull piece of jewelry lay. He was aware of the pounding in his ears as he dropped down on a knee and touched the familiar pendant.

The lower side of the Uchiha fan was almost melted and the upper side had been embedded in the ground, protected from the flames that had been licking at the owner of the necklace. The platinum chain was broken and was almost entirely out of the pendant.

“No,” Sasuke said loudly, as he looked from the pendant in his hands to the body a few inches away. That mangled, husk of a former human wasn’t his wife.

That couldn’t possibly be Hinata.

His wife was alive. She was rosy cheeked and happy and smiling and alive. This wasn’t her.

“I would know,” Sasuke thought. “I would feel it if she died. I would have felt my soul cleave in half,”

“I’m sorry Sasuke,” Sai said once again, bending down at the same level as his boss and friend. “I…”

The ringing in his head intensified as he looked and looked and looked at the pendant. His mind flashed to every instance he had seen his wife wear the thing. She never took it off.

He let it fall from his hands onto the charred floor. He felt himself straighten and turn to speak to the head of the crime scene, even as he felt like he was hearing himself from underwater. “Get me an autopsy. I want records of every DNA on this crime scene,”

The police officer had the sense not to question him. Maybe it was his tone or maybe his eyes betrayed a glimpse of how his insides were screaming out in agony right now.

“This isn’t real,” he whispered. “This isn’t happening,”

Sasuke wasn’t aware of when and how he was brought out of the warehouse. He wasn’t aware of how it was that he was sitting in his car, Sai mouthing something he couldn’t hear.

He just held on to the pendant in his clenched fist.

__________________

Chapter Text

And I was running far away

Would I run off the world someday?

Nobody knows, nobody knows

• Runaway (Aurora)

_______

He was quiet.

To hear of how their paths diverged that night, years ago. If he had gotten there earlier- just by the margin of a few hours- he would have gotten to her. He wouldn’t have had to live in the agony he had endured these past years.

“What then?” he asked.

“It was a girl from Suna who found me,” Hinata told him. “She brought me to a hospital. I was there for days,”

“What was her name?” he asked.

“Matsuri,” Hinata sighed. “She was a young girl at the time, maybe a year or two younger than me,”

________

“She’s severely dehydrated and fatigued. In addition to this, her left shoulder was dislocated and she has several burn marks on her legs” the doctor was explaining to Matsuri. “Any worse than this and she could have been permanently harmed. Was she abused?”

“I…I don’t know,” the girl answered, her mind whirling. The girl she’d found on the road was pale and she hadn’t stirred when Matsuri had tried to shake her awake. “Has she awoken yet?”

The doctor sighed. “She’s recuperating, but she’ll be fine,”

“U-um,” Matsuri nervously wrung her hands together. “How long would she need to stay here?”

“Might be a day or two,” the doctor answered vaguely, before making to go. Matsuri nodded her head in thanks. What to do now?

______

When Hinata woke up, she felt significantly better. Her throat felt dry and her eyes hurt when she opened them, but she was okay. She turned her head to look at her left, where a young girl with shoulder length brown hair was sitting. She was wearing a tee-shirt and skinny jeans.

“H-hello?” Hinata squeaked out, unable to identify the girl or where she was.

The girl’s head snapped up from the book she had been reading. A relieved smile came over her face. “Oh God, you’re finally awake,”

Hinata slowly sat up. “Here, you should have some water,” the girl said, pouring her a glass and handing it to her. “Can you drink it yourself?”

Hinata nodded. She drank the water, gulping it down ravenously. Oh that felt good.

“What’s your name?” the girl asked, “I’m Matsuri,”

“H-hana,” Hinata didn’t know why she lied, except that she didn’t really feel safe. She was worried the girl might have heard of her on the news or tabloids.

“Hana,” Matsuri mused. “Are you okay? Have you run away from home?”

Hinata realized the girl had found her passed out on a road. That would be hard to explain without giving her the true details. “Um…I was trying to get back home,”

“Still, you should take better care of yourself,” Matsuri gently chided. “That area you were in…it’s not very safe. Anything could have happened,”

That area…

“Where am I?” Hinata asked, looking around the obvious hospital room.

“You’re in Suna General Hospital,” Matsuri explained. “I brought you here as soon as I found you. Don’t worry; this is the best hospital we have to offer,”

Hinata felt her emotions rise. “Thank you Matsuri,” she said to the girl. “I…I don’t know how I can repay you,”

The girl waved it off. “It’s okay. We girls should stick together. And anyways, the condition you’re in, you need extra care,”

Hinata blinked. Was something wrong with her? “Condition?” she asked.

Matsuri’s eyes widened. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“Um…” Matsuri started awkwardly. “Well, you’re pregnant,”

There was silence following her words. Hinata’s ears rang with the silence. What had she just said?

Pregnant?

She thought of it; a dark haired child with her husband’s coloring and her smile. She would love the child and she knew Sasuke would too.

Sasuke-

Dread filled her heart, thinking of the cold mansion. How angry would Sasuke be at her, for disobeying his orders? Would he ever let her roam free again? How paranoid would he be over their child?

She knew he loved her. And she loved him back. But was love enough for their child? Could they truly raise their child to be secure and protected in the hellscape that was Konoha?

Hinata had spent her life living in terror and fear, to expect danger at every turn of her life. She’d known her uncle assassinated and her mother killed in a ploy.

She couldn’t give that life to her child.

“…Do you not want it?” Matsuri asked, “Hey-why are you crying?”

Hinata didn’t realize she was crying until Matsuri said so. The tears were running down her cheeks, more brimming over her eyes. “God,” she choked out. “Is my baby okay?”

All those days of not eating…not drinking.

“You’re okay,” Matsuri gently took her hand. “You’re going to be fine,”

Hinata only cried harder, her shoulders shaking with the effort. She cried because Sasuke wasn’t here right now. And she cried because he wouldn’t be there for anything.

She could never go back home now.

________

Sasuke smoked another cigarette, waiting for Sakura to come back with results. They had taken DNA samples from the scene. Now, all that was left was for the reports to confirm or deny that the body was Hinata’s.

“Slow down,” Neji’s voice said. “You’ve been smoking non-stop,”

Sasuke ignored his brother-in-law. He didn’t know how to tell him that if he didn’t smoke, he wouldn’t know what to do with his shaking hands. He didn’t want to appear weak, didn’t want to show how his heart was tearing apart from the inside.

He wanted to just stop thinking.

“Neji-nii,” Hanabi’s voice, always so loud, was so small today. “It’s not her, right?”

Neji didn’t speak. Sasuke glanced down and watch him take Hanabi’s hand in his larger one. Sasuke almost scoffed.

It wouldn’t be Hinata. He would ensure it.

If Hinata died, he would have felt it in his bones. He would have been a shell, unable to move. He would have known. He would have known if his soul left this plane of existence.

The door to the room opened and the three of them sat up straight. Sakura’s eyes were searching only Sasuke’s. Her lips were downturned in sadness.

What.

“I-I’m sorry,” she blurted out, bringing forward the reports. “The forensic team just confirmed it,”

The DNA on the scene matched Hinata’s.

His wife was dead.

He could vaguely hear Hanabi crying at the statement, but all he could hear was the ringing in his ears.

Sasuke knew there were no more reasons to pull his punches from now on.

________

Chapter Text

It’s hard to find an end

To something that you keep beginning

Over and over again

I promise that the ending always stays the same

So there’s no good reason in make believing

That we could ever exist again

• Memories (Conan Gray)

________

Sasuke felt the tears rise, something lump up in his throat when Hinata finished her story. “Matsuri had connections. She got me a job, helped me settle. I got lenses- cut my hair short,”

“And you lived as Hana,”

She nodded.

Sasuke watched, how nonchalantly she told him this story. As if she hadn’t torn his heart out from his chest, as if she hadn’t let him live thinking she was dead. He looked at her, amazed that she had lived just fine without him while he had been a dead man walking after her.

He was surprised by the words that were bubbling up his throat. He stood up, picking up the vase from the table between them and throwing it against the back wall, watching Hinata flinch.

“It would have been better if we had remained strangers,” he told her, viciously. “I hate you. I hate you so much that sometimes I just want to take Daiki and leave this fucking city, leaving you to wonder whether we’re dead or alive, starving you for a hint of our whereabouts, leaving you desolate and hopeless and in agony,”

Hinata’s breath caught in her throat, even as she tried her best not to let the tears out of her eyes. She knew it was fair. She would deserve every single thing he had just said. Hadn’t she done the same to him?

“I regret being born in the same city as you, as ever having the same circle as your fucking family. I hate Obito for arranging the marriage and most of all, I hate myself,” his voice broke as he breathed out harshly, turning his back to her and pacing a few steps towards the wall. His hand desperately gripped his hair. He didn’t speak for a few moments, composing his breathing.

“I hate myself for falling in love with you,” he told her as he turned around. “I hate that I gave you everything I had and it still wasn’t enough for you to come back to me,” his voice was full of raw agony, his eyes were red-rimmed as if they were tired of holding back so much pain. “I hate myself for letting you do this to me,”

“Sasuke, it was enough for me,” Hinata started.

“Stop lying to me,” he breathed out, coming to stand directly in front of her. “Just. Stop,”

“Sasuke,” she brought her hands up to his face and for once, he didn’t flinch away from her. He just looked tired. He just kept looking at her, not even blinking, as if she would disappear if he blinked. His face was warm when she cupped his cheeks, and he didn’t lean forward but he put his hands around her waist delicately, almost hesitantly.

“How could you do this to me?” He whispered, looking at her as if her face would yield the answer. “You were the only person who was supposed to love me most in the world,”

Hinata remembered the time he was talking about. Everyone knew the ruthless ferocity with which Sasuke had loved her; the passion, the protective possession and the fierce love of his which had kept him in line- just for her.

But seldom knew of Hinata’s love, which rivaled Sasuke’s, if it wasn’t more. She had loved him so much it had hurt; the love was the thing binding her to him, even if she hated the way of life he had. She had loved him more than herself. She had loved him with blood on his hands, mania in his eyes and demons in his head. She had loved him through his roughness and his tenderness and everything in between. She would have died for him.

“I did, Sasuke,” she told him.

“Then how could you let me think you were dead?” he asked, finally closing his eyes, disappointed at his failure when he didn’t find the answer in her eyes. His grip tightened on her waist. “I would have dug myself a grave next to yours if I had something of you left to bury,”

“I couldn’t come back,” she told him, “I didn’t have a choice,”

“I would have died for you. I died every day without you, Hinata,” he told her, the confessions just popping out of him and Hinata realized she hadn’t been privileged enough to see this side of her husband since before her departure.

“Sasuke,” she told him, leaning her forehead against his. “You were always enough for me. It just wasn’t enough for me to bring Daiki back,”

He flinched away, ripping himself away from her violently. The pain was gone and he looked furious again. “I would have protected him,”

“You were supposed to protect me,” she said, honest and tired.

“How could I keep protecting you when you never fucking listened to me?!” he roared. “You should have stayed in, I was protecting you-,”

“I was in a cage!” she screamed back. “It was always ‘just a little more time’ until things would be okay. And they never were!”

“It was to keep you safe,”

“I hated that life. I only stayed because I was so in love with you that I didn’t care about what I wanted. I wasn’t about to bring our son into the same fucking gilded cage where he wouldn’t know what peace was!”

Sasuke stilled.

“I loved you too Sasuke. So much,” she admitted, her voice breaking too. “I missed you every day. I loved you every day. I missed your smile, your love, your presence. I wished every day you were there for every single one of Daiki’s milestones,”

“Then why didn’t you come back?”

“I had to think above myself. It was always about Daiki,”

“So if I take him away from you right now, fucking off to God knows where, that would be justified?” he asked, his tone going flat. “Because Konoha is still unsafe, sweetheart, probably more so than when you left,”

“I know it wasn’t justified!” she told him. “You deserved to know. But I didn’t exactly have choices Sasuke. I was terrified, barely alive and I just found out I was pregnant in a strange city,”

“And your husband was still alive, destroying Konoha and setting fires looking for you,” he seethed. “I know you had to have known. I wasn’t exactly subtle,”

Hinata wasn’t stupid. She saw the news all the time. And it broke her heart a little more every day.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “But I had to protect Daiki. This isn’t about you or me,”

“Considering he’s my son, it is about me and you,” he told her. “But I see it’s useless to argue with you Hinata. You will never see through your prejudice against me, the ruthless murdering mafia boss, to admit that I could actually protect and care for my own son,”

“That’s not-,”

“You would still take him from me, run away in the night if I gave you a chance,” he continued. “And I’m sorry to hear that,”

“Daiki will never be free in Konoha,” Hinata reminded him. “Look at what happens to Uchihas in this city,”

Something shifted in Sasuke’s eyes and Hinata regretted her choice of words immediately, even though it was true. The last 3 Uchihas in the world were standing in this very house, and 2 of them were still trying to leave him.

Hinata fought tears at the thought.

“Then he will be like me,” Sasuke declared.

“Alone?” she challenged.

“The last one standing,” he met her challenge with one of his own.

Hinata trembled at the truth in his voice.

___________

Chapter Text

Part IV: Trying to be brave

I think I’ll call this one “wasting away”. There’s something really sad about Uchiha’s eyes while he’s always lost in thought. Still, he unexpectedly makes a good model for my blue era ;)

A colored portrait of Sasuke Uchiha (20), found in the notebook of Sai, with scribbles in the margins.

Chapter Text

I’ve had everything

But no one’s listening

• Lonely (Justin Bieber)

__________

2015, Yamanaka Asylum

There was the dimly lit door, the sturdy stone walls and the sight of his table across from the bed where he sat.

And there was him.

There was a man who had once been a boy; a cousin and a brother and a son once; an Uchiha once.

He was no one now.

He was Shisui Uchiha.

If he went to the adjacent bathroom, he would be able to see the mirror over the sink. The mirror would show him a man with hollows under his eyes and a look of quiet in his gaze. He had the same messy hair, longer now. His pale hands would splash water onto the man’s face and he wondered if the tan, healthy glow would return if he was more frequent in venturing out of this room during break hours.

The man in the mirror wasn’t the young boy Shisui remembered as; instead, it showed him someone he had never come to terms with. Shisui had never aligned himself to this older version of himself that the mirror always showed him.

He always stayed frozen in time as that young boy who had been free to love and laugh and live, despite his family’s restrictions. Anything was better than this psych ward, he knew. No matter how noble he was, loneliness was a hell of its own.

Shisui knew practically, that he could do a lot worse.

He could be in one of the lower cells, living like an animal, stuffed in a steel cage-esque room instead of this isolation room he had been granted because of his family. His status as an Uchiha had never renounced him, even if he had done the best he could to leave it behind.

He didn’t know when the last time he had spoken was.

He didn’t know when was the last time he had wanted to venture outside his room, even during the day time. He only knew about the books he was provided with, the journal he filled every night with religious zeal and the ringing silence he was surrounded with.

He hadn’t been an adult at the time of his conviction. He hadn’t even had a high-school diploma. He had been allowed to pursue education under special privileges and had worked on his law degree, however disgraced he was.

But almost a decade later, at 27, he thought was going insane. 

He had gone to that courtroom years ago, content with the knowledge that he would be sentenced to death. But life had never seemed to let him go that easily.

He wasn’t content living out the rest of his life in this place, counting down the days until death would take him. But he had resigned himself to it knowing it was the only way he his life could go now.

That was until he received a visit.

_____________

He was sitting in the cell, even as they announced it was visiting hours now. But in the past 10 years, Shisui had only gotten 2 visitors. He did not bother to stop reading his book.

He noticed the cell doors being opened by a burly looking guard. Shisui knew appearances could be deceiving since the guard was nicer than he looked and had never sneered at him the way the others had on times.

“Uchiha,” the guard spoke.

“Yamamoto,” Shisui acknowledged. “Is something the matter?”

The guard dipped his head once. “You have a visitor,”

Shisui stilled. “You are surely mistaken,” he said, putting down his book after marking his page.

“There are no other Uchihas in here to mistake you with,” he said simply. “Come with me,”

Shisui’s mind came up with the possibilities of who it could possibly be, visiting him. It could be a lawyer or an authority figure, trying to lure him with more false notions of an early release from his sentence. But he had made it clear the last time- how he had no interest in that sort of thing.

He was led out of the prisoner sector and into the private sector of the prison, where the superintendent and other overseers resided. “Where are we going?” he asked the guard, surprised.

“It’s a family visit,”

Shisui felt his heart settle like a stone in his chest. There could only be 3 people left who could have arranged a family visit, even with their influence in this city. He knew he didn’t want to face any of them.

“I thought you didn’t allow special visits for freaks like us,” he smirked, trying to unnerve the guard and gather more information.

“Apparently, there are special cases,” the man told him. Shisui saw his hold on the Taser tighten imperceptibly.

“What are you going to do if I decide to kill you?” Shisui asked again. Yamamoto glanced at his handcuffs before scoffing. They both knew Shisui could hold his own, even with his hands tied.

“If you were going to attack me or anyone else for that matter, you had 10 years to do it,” the man said. “Now shut up and get this over with,”

Shisui tried to suppress a grin.

They walked inside the private building. It was so lavish and well-lit that Shisui blinked. He had almost forgotten what a well-structured building could look like. He stayed quiet as he was led to a room. He entered without any fuss.

“You have 3 hours,” the guard informed him, sounding far away to Shisui’s ears, as his heart beat in his ears. He was too afraid to look up. He didn’t want to face whoever-

There was the sound of the door closing. Someone impatiently tapped on a surface- most probably a wooden table.

Shisui finally looked up and came face to face with a ghost.

“Hello Shisui,” said the young man in front of him. He looked remarkably Uchiha and resembled his mother in his softer features and onyx eyes.

“Sasuke,” he breathed.

Sasuke had been a child when Shisui had seen him last. It had been the night before everything happened. Now, he was a young man. He sat tall in his seat, leaning against the chair, looking at him. He had dark hair, similar to how it had been styled as a child.

What took Shisui by surprise, however, was how miserable Sasuke looked. And by the fact, that Sasuke was wearing a black kimono- something Shisui only remembered wearing at funerals.

Shisui found himself walking forward towards the empty chair across from Sasuke.

Sasuke was similarly taking in the sight of him. Shisui didn’t know what his younger cousin was seeing- if he could notice the lingering sadness and the pale of his skin.

He took the seat and looked at Sasuke who looked back steadily, his eyes glimmering with sorrow.

Shisui had the sinking feeling that once again- everything was going to change.

_________

Chapter Text

Yesterday I died

Tomorrow’s bleeding

Fall into your sunlight

• Shattered (Trading yesterday)

______________

Obito was attending the funeral as calmly as he could, but his hands were itching to check his pocket. He didn’t know why.

Maybe he wanted to feel the familiar weight of the gun he had kept so meticulously since he was 16 years old. The same gun his older brother had thrust into his hand, the last time he had seen him alive, as he’d sent him away.

Or maybe, he thought as his mood soured further, he wanted to take out the gleaming new phone he’d bought last week and bash Sasuke’s head in with it. That is, if he even knew where that brat was. Maybe he’d use the phone for its intended purpose and call the damn child and ask him where the fuck he was.

“Kumichō,” a voice near his ear demanded his attention, “Should we proceed with the funeral? The guests-,”

“-will wait,” Obito said, his expression unwavering as he stared ahead. “At least until Sasuke gets here,”

“I understand,” the underling- Kei, answered quietly.

“And tell Hiashi to sit the fuck back down,” Obito’s tone was quiet, indicating how close to his limit he was. “It won’t kill him to be respectful,”

Kei scrambled away without a word, not wanting to be in the boss’s line of sight in case he got angry- which Obito was prone to do often in his line of work.

He really was going to kill Sasuke this time.

But then he’d have two dead nephews instead of one. Obito’s head went quiet instantly at the reminder, and for a second he worried about Sasuke’s whereabouts. He clutched the ring on his left ring finger and twirled it slowly.

The ring had once been his grandfather’s- and then it went to his father who passed it on to Fugaku before passing away when Obito was 4. There hadn’t been much likelihood of Obito ever inheriting the family head’s ring. Yet, here they were.

The family ring was made of the finest material the world had to offer. It was an Uchiha paper fan, embedded in a sturdy ring of platinum. The fan was tiny, engraved in the platinum band- the red made of small rubies and the white from a single diamond. Despite its beauty, Obito hated the ring desperately.

There was a flurry of footsteps outside the heavy oak doors, before one of them burst open. Obito could see the media figures and cameras flashing outside, before he saw Sasuke enter the Uchiha shrine. The doors closed behind him, probably by one of the guards stationed outside.

Thankfully, the boy was properly dressed in the outfit that had been laid out for him. He stopped near the doors, pausing to take in everyone in the room. There were tatami mats laid out and almost 50 members of Konoha’s most influential families were there to pay their respect. At the front of the room, was the altar.

Sasuke slowly walked past everyone, making his way to the front row where the people closest to the deceased were supposed to be sitting. He didn’t look at Obito’s solitary figure in the row, as he came and sat down next to him.

Obito looked up at the altar, where Kei stood next to the Buddhist priest, and nodded. Kei said something to the other man who started the funeral prayer. The room was quiet aside from the prayers. Obito didn’t believe in the religion his parents had preached once. He didn’t think Sasuke did either.

But this was the way their whole family had been sent away. Obito didn’t know how to send Itachi off any other way.

His heart bled anew as he looked at the altar. Aside from Kei and the priest, there were two pictures, arranged on stands, intricately surrounded by beautiful wreaths. One of the pictures was of Itachi, his eyes smiling along with his mouth. He looked so young. The other picture was of Izumi, mirroring Itachi’s easy grin. She had always smiled so easily.

Together, both in life and death, Obito thought.

There were two boxes in front of the respective stands. There would normally be caskets instead of these picture stands and boxes. They would all pay their respects, share their grief and Itachi and Izumi’s favorite things would be placed in their caskets alongside their necessities for the journey into the next realm.

Obito had placed their wedding rings in their boxes anyways.

The bodies would be cremated and their bones would be buried in the Uchiha Family grave. They would all share their grief and at the unexpectedness of life.

Except there were no bodies to be buried, no traces that had been found, except for the blood and their possessions. There was no one to share grief with; only two family members and the rest political allies who wanted something from the Uchiha in this vulnerable state.

Except that there was nothing okay or normal or fair about this- about any of this.

Obito looked at Sasuke, whose eyes never seemed to leave the picture of his older brother on the altar. He didn’t know how Sasuke would be okay again.

If the death of his family had taken away his innocence and happiness, he didn’t know what the death of his brother would take from him.

“Starting from the closest relatives,” the priest interrupted Obito’s thoughts, “please come and light the incense,”

Obito clenched his eyes shut before preparing himself for the onslaught of social activity that he would have to endure now. He breathed out and stood, never wavering, always strong.

____________

Obito had taken off his Haori, draping it over his left arm, by the time the funeral ceremony concluded. Sasuke had been standing at his side, quiet ever since his entrance into the shrine. Most of the guests had trickled out by now.

Konoha’s current mayor, Tsunade Senju had shown up with her ward. Naruto Uzumaki’s appearance had sent a jolt of shock and physical pain through Obito’s chest. The boy looked so much like his father. But as he tried to coax out words from Sasuke, Obito could recognize his mother’s personality peeking out from underneath.

There had been a surprising number of Sasuke’s classmates, actually, who had shown up. A pink haired girl had stood hugging him for a good while, even though Sasuke had stood there, barely responding except for his hands on her waist.

As the Yamanaka family left him, Obito took a breath of reprieve. He was so exhausted. He felt like the only way he could quiet his brain was if he rammed his head repeatedly into a nearby wall. He saw Sasuke come to quietly stand at his side as the last of the guests made their way towards them.

“Where were you?” Obito asked quietly.

“I think you already know,” Sasuke replied, not looking at him.

“Sasuke,” Obito chastised. “Please tell me you weren’t at the Yamanaka asylum,”

The boy didn’t respond. Obito felt his headache increase. What the hell could he have talked to Shisui about? He’d have to do even more damage control now, since he was sure Sasuke had used his status as an Uchiha to get a meeting. Maybe he’d threatened to kill the warden’s family if he didn’t comply.

The Hyugas reached them before he could ask Sasuke anything else.

“Obito Uchiha,” Hiashi addressed him, nodding once, even as his ward and daughters bowed in respect.

“Hiashi,” Obito chewed out the name. “I see you made it through the funeral after all,”

“Time is of the essence,” Hiashi reminded him, “I think you of all people would appreciate it,”

Before Obito could retort, the young Hyuga boy spoke up. “We’re terribly sorry for your loss,” he said, as stoic as his uncle. “Itachi-san was a brilliant man. He didn’t deserve this,”

Obito wistfully thought of the possibilities. It could have been his nephew standing here in front of him. “Thank you-?”

“Neji,” the boy supplied, before turning to Sasuke to extend his grievances. The two girls, Hanabi and Hinata, if Obito remembered correctly, quietly extended their condolences to Obito too.

“You were Sasuke’s classmate, right?” Obito asked, something about Hinata tugging at his memory.

“O-oh,” Hinata looked startled to be spoken to. Color burst to life on her face as she replied. “Yes,”

“Would you three mind helping Sasuke-san with putting away the incense?” Hiashi asked his wards suddenly. Obito was about to object, because whatever conversation Hiashi wanted to have could wait until later.

Sasuke looked up at Obito, his eyes knowing. Obito knew he could be too petulant, stubborn when he wanted to. He nodded once to show Sasuke that he could go. It was fine.

They waited until the youngsters were out of earshot before Hiashi spoke. “Your nephew was lacking decorum today,” he said. “You might want to get him in line,”

Annoyance flared in Obito’s mind. “Give him a break. His brother just died,” he snapped back. “I’m sure you remember what that’s like,”

Hiashi’s brow furrowed, but he did not let his composure break. “As do you, I’m sure,”

Obito’s hand twitched violence again. He abstained. The Hyuga might be annoyances but they were valuable allies when it came to Konoha politics and supporting the Uchiha’s lifestyle.

“What did you want to talk about?” Obito asked instead.

“I merely wished to update you on your request,” Hiashi said quietly. “My associates and I have been looking into any foul play regarding your nephew’s death. So far, we haven’t found anything,”

Obito clenched his jaw. It had been 2 days and at this point, his organization had failed to find anything either. “So it wasn’t a rookie or someone seeking revenge,”

“No,” Hiashi agreed. “Whoever it was knew what they were doing. It’s someone powerful,”

“Well, we don’t have a shortage of enemies,” Obito sighed.

“I hope you don’t let the trauma deteriorate our arrangement,” Hiashi reminded him. “You-,”

“My organization funds your election campaign and deals with those pesky contenders. I remember. In turn, you’re going to finally pass the law which allows me to legalize Uchiha Armament Co.,”

“Ah and another thing,” Hiashi told him, his posture rigid. “Now that there’s foul play and someone powerful involved, my family isn’t going to be helping you for nothing,”

“What does that mean?”

“You’ll need to show your strength now that you’ve lost your heir. That means Hinata is now your problem,”

Obito’s heart stuttered. “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You’ll announce her engagement to your nephew next week,”

“Or what?” Obito asked, wearily. “You can’t force my hand Hiashi, you know this,”

“I know,” the man answered. “But some support could certainly make your life easier right about now,”

Hiashi left Obito standing there, silence ringing in the vast shrine.

______________

Chapter Text

The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky

__________

Sasuke looked out of one sided-tinted window as the driver expertly weaved their way through the mass of vehicles on the road. His uncle was sitting in the backseat with him, carefully reading something on his phone.

His head was pounding and Sasuke couldn’t think straight at the moment. He didn’t really care where they were going, although he recalled Obito telling him in the morning before they left the manor, dressed in crisp white suits.

They could be heading to the gallows for all Sasuke cared.

He thought about Itachi’s picture on that funeral altar from a week ago. His brother had been smiling like that when he’d left for the conference, Izumi by his side. And then he’d disappeared; his car wrecked and found in the river- no evidence of any bodies found except for the blood and Itachi’s distinctive clan ring and the wedding rings the couple had worn.

His head pounded again and nausea roiled in his gut. Oh God he was going to throw up-

“Are you okay?” Obito asked.

“I can’t go to this thing,” Sasuke answered, gripping his tie to loosen it around his neck. “I want to go home,”

“This is important, Sasuke,” Obito told him, his tone serious and leaving no room for argument. “The Hyugas are our allies. We have to show up for the dinner,”

What the fuck did it matter, Sasuke thought, if they showed up or not. His brother had just died. The last of his family was almost gone and people were capitalizing on his loss? They were using even this to build something out of it.

“You can go,” Sasuke tried again, feeling dark spots dance in his vision as he attempted to breathe properly. Ever since that conversation with Shisui, he had been feeling unhinged. “I can’t do this,”

“You need to pull yourself together,” Obito snapped. “You can’t afford to show weakness to our enemies right now,”

“My brother is dead, Obito!” Sasuke snapped, his eyes widening at the apathy his uncle was showing. He had always known Obito to be tough and ruthless, especially when it came to training and business and their organization, but this was-

“I lost him too!” Obito raised his voice. “I raised you two! He was like a son to me,”

“Then why aren’t you as fucked up as I am?” Sasuke asked the 34 year old in front of him.

Obito looked at him sorrowfully. “All that training and drilling and you’re still just a child. You’re still so fucking weak, Sasuke,” he said softly, as if disappointed, before turning away.

Sasuke sat like that, with his head ringing and feeling oddly reprimanded the rest of the way.

________

Sasuke kept his eyes averted as they cameras flashed around him, even though he was wearing sunglasses this time. They had gotten a few pictures of his disheveled hair and red eyes at the day of the funeral. Obito said they’d had a field day with them.

They were instantly directed towards their seats by a server and Sasuke tuned out as soon as they took seats. They were barely on time, so there was no time for socializing. Seated at the same table as them were the Mayor and Naruto.

“Oi,” Naruto called out, pleasantly surprised at his appearance.

“Quiet Naruto,” Tsunade-Sama asked. “Hyuga-san is about to make a speech,”

Sasuke thought back to the conversation with Shisui, as he had been ever since he saw his cousin last week.

Shisui hadn’t looked real, as Sasuke had set his gaze on him after a decade. Sasuke had definitely broken a dozen laws to get a meeting with his cousin, but they all seemed worth it at this moment.

Seated across from him on the table, handcuffed hands on the smooth surface, Sasuke had still felt like Shisui had the power in the room.

“Why are you here?” Shisui had asked.

“I want answers,” Sasuke said simply. He didn’t have the patience or mindset left for games.

“Why now?” Shisui seemed curious.

Sasuke smiled as he realized Shisui didn’t know. Maybe they didn’t tell the inmates news to upset them in the asylum. “Itachi’s dead,”

The clock in the room ticked. There was no movement.

“What?”

Sasuke sat back in his chair. His hands had barely stopped trembling, when he’d made up his mind to come and seek an audience with Shisui Uchiha, storming into the asylum.

“His car fell into the river on his way back to Konoha last night,” Sasuke told him, reminiscing the scene where he’d rushed to the bridge with Obito last night. The area had been flooded with police and rescue teams.

“How did-?”

“We don’t know yet,” Sasuke answered. “There were no bodies recovered,”

“Bodies?” Shisui’s face went from pale to white. “Who else was with him?”

Sasuke didn’t clarify, but Shishui’s face contorted in pain as he guessed. “It was Izumi, wasn’t it?”

If Sasuke had been too blind to see Shisui’s feelings regarding Izumi as a child, it was now clearly written on his face. Sasuke remembered a flash of memory, Shisui holding Izumi’s arm that night and leading her away from the house, as if the thought of her in a dangerous place physically pained him.

Shisui’s posture sagged as he leaned on the table by his elbows, burying his fingers in his thick hair.

“This wasn’t an accident,” Shisui spoke softly, not looking up at Sasuke.

“No,” he agreed, rolling his sleeves upwards. “Now, for why I’m here,”

“Not Itachi,” Shisui continued as if Sasuke hadn’t spoken. “Not them,”

“You know I never really understood why you didn’t kill us three back then too,” Sasuke watched Shisui’s shock and pain carefully. “I mean, we were both Uchihas. Izumi was half Uchiha,”

Shisui finally looked up, schooling his shock into something neutral. “You really think I would hurt you guys?”

“I didn’t think you could kill our entire family either,” Sasuke said. “Yet you did it. Why?”

“They didn’t deserve to live,” Shisui’s tone was flat, void of any emotion now. Sasuke recognized the interrogation tactic from when Obito had taught it: don’t give away anything, control your face.

“How can you say that?” Despite his best efforts, frustration was apparent in Sasuke’s tone. “They were your family,”

“And they were cold and cruel and ruthless,” the other man told Sasuke, straightening in his seat.

“They raised you! My parents raised you,”

“You parents were the cause for everything terrible that happened. They had the power to stop the cycle. To choose to be better people. But they didn’t!”

“We’re a fucking Yakuza family, what did you think they were going to do? Swear on some holy book and renounce crime forever and sail into the sunset?”

“I did everything to protect you and Itachi. If I hadn’t you wouldn’t have been here today,” Shisui’s tone remained calm.

“What was the use?” Sasuke wailed. “What was the use of keeping me alive if I had to watch all of you stumble to your deaths one by one?”

Shisui ignored him. “I did what I did for reasons that are worse than you could comprehend. You were supposed to be safe. Itachi…he was supposed to be safe,”

“And now he’s dead,”

Shisui reacted to those words the same way he would have if Sasuke had slapped him across the face. He simply closed his eyes and took a shaky breath.

“Just tell me…please just tell me why,” Sasuke pleaded.

“I had to do it. Your father was a terrible person. He didn’t care that my father died in a pointless gang skirmish that he sent him off to. He didn’t give a fuck that my mother died of a broken heart. He took me in, not to protect me, but to use me,”

Sasuke watched.

“You don’t know the things he did- how he would treat me and Itachi…molding us into killing machines,” Shisui cried. “I couldn’t let him turn Itachi into that monster,”

“So you killed him! You killed my parents,”

“You were just a child. You didn’t see how cruel, how ruthless your father was. You didn’t see him forcing each and every decision on Itachi. You don’t know what he did to every single fucking member of the family! What he did to Obito, this city. What he was going to do to Izumi!”

“He wasn’t-.”

“He might have been born into this life of violence Sasuke,” Shisui informed him, “But don’t get me wrong. He relished every single second of it,”

“How could you have betrayed everyone?”

Shisui ignored him. “They were prepared to die, Sasuke. It just so happened to be my hand to finish them off,”

There had been no more words between them after that.

_____________

“I would also like to make an announcement,” Obito’s glass clinked right next to Sasuke’s ear, breaking him out of the horrible memory he was seeing. His uncle stood up, quite abruptly.

It seemed like dinner was about to be served and everyone else had finished speaking already. “I appreciate Hiashi sama’s trust in us and we thank him for his support in these trying times. Most of you all know the terrible accident that took my nephew from us, last week,”

There were a few murmurs as Obito paused before continuing.

“I would like to announce my heir to the Uchiha Empire, all our businesses and next adventures: Sasuke Uchiha,”

Sasuke didn’t react to the news at all. The moment his brother had been declared dead, he knew he would be the next in line. It was the next announcement, however, that had his nausea doubling.

“And it is also my honor, to announce the progression of our intimate relations with the Hyuga family. Please, put your hands together for my nephew and his beautiful fiancé, Hyuga Hinata,”

The silence was stunned and awkward for a moment, before Hiashi’s applause cued everyone to put their hands together.

The applause was loud, but the ringing in Sasuke’s ears drowned everything out.

___________

Chapter Text

“Right or wrong, it's very pleasant to break something from time to time.”

― Fyodor Dostoevsky

__________

Sasuke returned to his college not only missing a brother, but as an engaged man.

Apparently, everyone was aware of both those facts, judging by the stares he got as he drove into campus. The Konoha University campus was huge. It was one of the most prestigious universities in the country, not just Konoha. The buildings screamed old money, the architecture rich and full of history.

Sasuke was enrolled into the Law School of Konoha University. None of his former classmates had taken this course of study, and he was again relieved with the fact.

He shoved his sunglasses back up as he walked with his hands shoved in his pocked, as if nothing could affect him even though his appearance had taken a hit in the month he had been absent. There was an unhealthy pallor to his skin. He had eye bags from the lack of sleep and he looked even thinner than he had before. His nights had turned into a time full of nightmares and he didn’t really process everything going on in his life.

He had had an outstanding fight with Obito regarding his engagement when he’d returned home from that dinner. He’d been so angry; he had been tempted to actually murder his uncle.

“Itachi just fucking died and you’re here matchmaking??” he had screamed.

The idea had stuck in his mind. What was Hyuga Hinata, a past curiosity of his, compared to the loss of his brother? It felt like a cheap replacement being thrust upon him, without his want or care.

Obito and he hadn’t spoken since the fight, mostly on his part. He refused to talk to his uncle, who had repeatedly tried to explain the circumstances. He’d missed university for as long as he could, before he was sent back.

“Your student advisor says you’ll have to miss the entire semester if you don’t start attending classes and making up the work,” Obito had said to him this morning.

“I don’t give a fuck,” Sasuke had replied, only having fallen asleep once the sun had risen.

“I do,” Obito had been firm. “You will not ruin our family name and everything we’ve been working so hard towards,”

“How could I forget,” Sasuke had said, “As if you care about anything other than that,”

As he walked up to the law building, Sasuke blearily looked down at the paper in his hand, which Obito had handed to him before he’d left the house. “It’s your schedule,” he’d informed him. Sasuke had never really gotten around to memorizing it. His third semester had only just started when Itachi went and drowned.

“I’ll look into moving into the student dorm,” Sasuke had said, just out of spite to his uncle.

“Whatever the fuck you want Sasuke,” Obito had looked done with him, dark circles under his eyes too, the scars contrasting sharply against his pale face.

He sighed. He was supposed to see his student advisor before going to class. Who even was his student advisor? Sasuke had never gone before.

He made his way into the department. The time for the first class had already started and Sasuke had no intention of going mid-class and draw everyone’s attention back to him. He went up to the third floor, where the professor’s offices would be-

“Mr. Uchiha,” a smooth voice drawled near him. Sasuke halted his steps and looked to his left. Silver hair, a blue custom mask and three-piece suit- Professor Hatake was already looking at him.

“Professor Hatake,” he curtly addressed the man. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Language,” the man said in a monotone. Sasuke was pleasantly surprised by the lack of sympathy. It felt refreshing. “And I’m your student advisor. Come inside and we can talk,”

Sasuke saw the door behind Professor Hatake, which alluded to his office. He decided to get this over with quickly so he could move on. The interior was pleasantly warm and comfortable. The walls were lined with various accolades and there was a shelf with several brightly covered books resting on it.

“Is that-?” Sasuke started, shocked at the sight of the erotic novels lining his law professor’s wall.

“They’re signed copies,” Kakashi said, quite proudly.

Okay then.

There was a single photograph, framed, hanging on the wall. As Kakashi went around his desk, Sasuke paused in front of the photo to stare at it. There was a familiar figure in it. The picture comprised of a tall, sophisticated looking blonde man, smiling at the camera. In front of him, three teenagers were standing.

One of them was Kakashi himself, still wearing a mask and a Konoha High Uniform. Next to him was a girl, smiling broadly, with shoulder length hair and a similar uniform. The last boy-

“You knew Obito?” Sasuke blurted out. Obito looked so young and unserious compared to now. He was scowling in the picture, but he looked more annoyed than serious. He was wearing tinted sunglasses, sucking on what looked like a lollipop.

“Yes. We were- friends,” Kakashi hesitated. “Come and sit,”

Sasuke obliged. He dumped his bag on the chair next to him as he took a seat, facing his professor. “The blonde man…teacher?”

“Yes, that’s Professor Minato,” Kakashi explained. “He was the fourth mayor of Konoha eventually. He is also Naruto’s dad,”

“Mayor Namikaze?” Sasuke asked incredulously. “What was he doing teaching you high school?”

“He was a bit of a rebel from the usual political tendencies of his family,” Kakashi’s eyes crinkled as he looked like he was smiling. “But we’re not here to talk about him…we’re here to talk about you,”

Reality crashed back into Sasuke. “Right,” he started. “I won’t-,”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Kakashi told him suddenly. “It’s not easy to lose a loved one,”

Kakashi’s tone suggested he was familiar with the concept intimately, which made Sasuke turn back to the photograph on the wall. “It’s not,”

“Listen, I understand if you need more time. If you want to freeze the semester-,”

“If I freeze the semester, I’m never coming back,” he told the teacher. “And frankly my uncle would kill me,”

“You realize you missed a lot of work, right?” the professor leaned back in his chair with the question.

“Just tell me what I have to do to make it up,” Sasuke said, already gathering his bag.

“Well, well,” Kakashi considered him for a moment. “I’ll ask the top student in your class to lend you his notes and tutor you sometime,”

Sasuke didn’t say anything as he stood to leave.

“If you need anything else, just ask,”

“I’d appreciate it if you arranged a dorm or student housing for me, actually,” Sasuke told him.

“Obito driving you up the wall?” Kakashi asked. “Lucky for you, the boy who is going to be helping you is also looking for a roommate,”

“What boy is this?” Sasuke asked. He might not have been too familiar with his law classmates, but he knew their names at least.

“He’s a transfer. Let me introduce you to Sai,”

__________

“So,” the boy, who was even paler than Sasuke although slightly similar in appearance, started. “Professor Hatake said you need some help regarding notes?”

“Sai, was it?” Sasuke asked dubiously at the over saccharine smile. “Look, I just agreed to get him off my back. Leave me alone for the rest of the semester and I’ll manage just fine,”

Sai looked curious. “But professor Hatake-,”

“Needs to lay off,” Sasuke said. “But I will take your help on the housing situation,”

“Ah,” the other boy hummed. “He did mention that as well,”

“So? Where do you live?” he asked Sai.

“The student dorms,”

“You’re not a sloppy eater?” Sasuke questioned. “If we’re going to share a living space, you better not have any hygiene problems,”

“No,” Sai answered candidly, “Most days I barely have enough money to eat actually, so we’re good,”

Sasuke paused. “Friends? Any overbearing family that’s going to be haranguing you?”

Sai shook his head. “I’m an orphan. And you might be my first and only friend by default if you become my roommate,”

Sasuke felt a strange wave of sympathy over the fact, even if Sai did not look sad as he informed him. “You’re not scared of me?”

“Why? Should I fear you because your family’s the underground mafia?”

“If you’re asking me that then you clearly don’t fear me or my family,” Sasuke affirmed. “Now, first order of business…I’m going to get drugs from downtown Konoha. Do you want to come with me?”

Sai stared at him for a second, as if to see whether or not he was serious. Then, he shrugged silently as if to say why not.

Sasuke moved into the dorm by next week.

____________

Chapter Text

“The world needs bad men. We keep other bad men from the door,”

• Rustin Cohle (True Detective S1)

_____________

Sasuke jerked back into existence almost as quickly as he had faded into the blissful dark, alert by the pounding at the door. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep. It was such a rare thing nowadays. There was a constant, crushing anxiety every time his thoughts weren’t distracted.

Someone was banging at the door, uninhibited and obviously annoyed. Sasuke felt his anger spike. Fuck this. It took a moment for his vision to clear, his head spinning, as he searched around for the gun under his pillow. Pulling it out from under the silk pillowcase, he stumbled out of bed and outside his room, towards the main door of their dorm.

The person knocking hadn’t ceased and Sasuke decided that he would have their hand for this disrespect and annoyance. Everybody knew not to knock on the door of C23, unless your desperation overruled your fear.

Sasuke pulled the door open abruptly, his gun in the other hand. “What?” he had just snapped, when he realized who was at the door. It had been 2 months since he had seen his uncle last.

Obito’s hand was still midair, no doubt waiting to beat down on the door once more. His eyes were red, his face sallow and for once, Sasuke couldn’t decide who looked worse for wear between them. And then there was the fact that Obito looked very, very annoyed.

“What the fuck took you this long?” he snapped, letting himself take in Sasuke’s appearance. Sasuke realized he was shirtless, only wearing dark sweatpants, and that his hair was longer than usual and that he undoubtedly looked unhealthy.

Obito blinked. “Are you taking drugs?”

Sasuke sighed, disarming himself. He knew it would be no use lying to his uncle. He was aware of everything illegal and bordering on the line. “So what if I am? What do you care?”

“The fuck I don’t,” his uncle snarled, pushing past him and coming inside his dorm, even though Sasuke hadn’t wanted him to. “You know I draw the line at drugs,”

“But you don’t draw the line at murdering people and bartering your only living relative off to make political ties?” he snapped, closing the door and turning to his uncle.

Obito sighed. “I really am getting tired of the same old argument Sasuke,”

“Then leave me alone,” Sasuke told him dismissively, feeling increasingly incensed. He wished he had continued sleeping instead of this conversation.

The amphetamine he took to deal with the constant sense of dread didn’t help the insomnia at all. In fact, it had him so high strung that he was mostly obsessively doing his assignments or trying to piece together the clues of Itachi’s murder.

“I did leave you alone,” his uncle said, “And look at you. You seem like you’re about to drop dead. What have you been taking?”

“Amphetamines,”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,”

“Sasuke-,”

“No. Just don’t. What do you want?”

“I wanted to check up on you. You haven’t been responding to my messages. You haven’t come by the warehouses and the office. And our men have been seeing you a lot around the Yamanaka territory, so I figured you were whoring around or doing drugs. Turns out it’s the latter,”

“And what have you been doing? Have you found anything useful or are you waiting for me to drop dead too so you can take over everything?”

There was a sharp crack sound and Sasuke didn’t realize he’d been slapped until he was facing the side instead of Obito’s face. He felt his eyes widen, the rest of the sleep evaporate, as he straightened himself to face his uncle. He didn’t look angry. His face was blank. It was the look that their victims usually received from them.

“I’ve been giving you a lot of leeway it seems,” his uncle mused. Sasuke didn’t reply, feeling something warm flow down his cheek. It stung the irritated skin.

“Because it seems like you’re taking my leniency for weakness,” the man said, almost crooning the words. He seemed like the mafia boss Sasuke had trained under now. His scars were prominent against his pale face. “Make no mistake Sasuke: these drugs, this dorm room- your little rebellion…it can all end at a snap of my fingers,”

Sasuke knew it was true. “And it will, if you don’t get your act together,” Obito said, rubbing a thumb over Sasuke’s cheek. It came away red with blood; Obito’s ring had cut Sasuke’s cheek. “There will be no more drugs and you will come back and work alongside me like a proper heir does,”

“And if I don’t?” he dared to ask. “If I don’t want this life anymore? Then what?”

“I’m afraid you don’t get to choose,” his uncle informed him curtly. “You were born into greatness…into the Uchiha Clan. You will act like it,”

He looked around the dorm, unimpressed. “Otherwise I will make you,”

Obito turned to leave. “Next time I call, pick up,”

He made it to the door before he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Sasuke, who was still standing there shell shocked. “And another thing…your roommate Sai,”

“What?” Sasuke asked, unable to utter another word.

“He was in secret intelligence agency,” Obito informed him, “Make of that what you will,”

Sasuke felt the panic of existence come back into awareness as soon as Obito walked out of that door.

_________

College was supposed to be a good experience, he had thought. So far, it was turning out to be more traumatic than it was worth. Sasuke didn’t know why it mattered anymore if he pursued a law degree or not anymore, since Obito had made it clear he would always be a criminal.

“Sasuke, are you listening?” Sai asked from next to him as he plucked another fry from his plate. There was hustle and bustle around them, as students gathered around with their friends at various places on campus for lunch. Sai had convinced Sasuke to join him in the lush green lawns outside the political science department for some reprieve.

Then there was the matter of Sai, Sasuke thought, looking at his roommate. As usual, the pale boy was dressed in dark colors. Black cargo pants, form fitting blue thermal shirt and a heavy jacket around his shoulders as his hair tumbled over his forehead.

Ever since Obito had visited, he had found himself rethinking every single interaction he’d had with Sai. He knew he would have to clear the air, deal with the boy. Usually, he would be ruthless about it. But Sai had reminded him a little of himself.

He didn’t know how to deal with another traitor amidst him.

“Uchiha?” Sai asked again.

“What?” he asked, blinking at the food in front of him. A burger had looked good while he’d been buying it, but now he felt sick looking at it.

“I said, you going to eat that?” his roommate asked.

His roommate never seemed to have enough to eat, to go out or to manage his expenses. To Sasuke’s knowledge, Sai worked at some bar downtown- which is how he’d known where to get the best drugs from, but he could have been going to report on Sasuke’s whereabouts to God knows who, for all Sasuke was aware.

“No,” he said, pushing the burger towards Sai.

“Thanks,” he said, digging in.

“Why did you get back so late yesterday?” Sasuke asked, despite himself. He blamed himself for being so lost in grief that he had stopped listening to his basic instincts. He had stopped being vigilant, being careful. He needed to rectify that.

“Oh, Yamanaka-san needed me to pick up another shift. The other bartender called in sick abruptly,” Sai explained.

Right. Sasuke realized he could confirm Sai’s whereabouts from Ino too, since the bar he worked at was owned by the Yamanaka family. “Why?” Sai continued, “Did you want to go buy drugs again?”

“No,” he said, “I’m not going to be doing drugs anymore,”

“Huh,” Sai remarked, taking another bite of the burger. “Here you can have my shake,”

“No thanks,” Sasuke replied, “I’m not hungry,”

They sat in relative peace as Sai ate and Sasuke thought. “Withdrawals are going to be a setback,” Sai told him.

“I’ll be fine,” Sasuke told him. He had other ways to cope. He thought of Sakura, who had been calling and texting much more, even though he hadn’t seen her since Itachi’s funeral. Still, already Sasuke could feel his hands itching to find his pills and the subsequent relief. He already had no appetite, his body breaking out in chills randomly and his anxiety spiking his heart rate suddenly.

He decided he would talk to Sai later. What was the point anyways, even if he was still a spy? He hadn’t killed Sasuke in his sleep so far, and Sasuke wouldn’t mind if he did anyways.

What was it all for, when Itachi had been brilliant and strong and careful and he had still vanished without any trace of ever existing?

“So, where did you get that cut on your face?” Sai asked, finishing the burger.

Sasuke didn’t reply. Something else had caught his gaze. Leaving the department from the front exit were two familiar figures. He recognized Naruto Uzumaki instantly, his bright blonde hair and tall stature as he clutched his bag over one shoulder and babbled to Hinata Hyuga, who was walking alongside him. Hinata’s dark blue hair was tied back in a messy bun, while her bangs fell in her eyes and framed her face. She looked tiny next to Naruto.

Sasuke noticed the blush on her face as she listened to Naruto talking.

They were both walking down the main path, rapidly approaching the spot where Sai and Sasuke were sprawled in the grass. Sasuke could have moved to leave, but he didn’t care enough to, even though he really didn’t want to speak to either of his former classmates.

“Hey, Naruto!” Sai called out to the blonde and Sasuke cursed under his breath. He wasn’t aware Sai knew Naruto.

Naruto and Hinata abruptly turned their heads towards the voice. Naruto looked surprised, but his smile was quick to form as he jogged towards them. Hinata’s surprise turned to mortification as she realized Sasuke was also there. Her blush deepened and she froze on the spot.

“Hey Sai,” Naruto said, walking up to them and coming to a stop, “Sasuke,”

“You’re done with classes?” Sai asked good-naturedly.

“Oh yeah, finally,” Naruto answered. “How have you been Sasuke?”

“I’m fine,”

Naruto raised his brows in a way that evidently communicated that he didn’t think Sasuke was fine. Whatever, it wasn’t any of his business.

“That means he doesn’t want to talk to you,” Sai said in that weird blunt way he usually blurted things out.

“I noticed,” Naruto glared. “Anyways, we were all going out for Ino’s birthday on the weekend. I wanted to ask if you guys wanted to join us?”

Sasuke saw Sai’s face change from impassive to interest at the mention of Ino. “You guys are close?”

“Yeah, we’re former classmates,” Naruto informed him.

Sasuke was vaguely aware of Sai asking more questions, but he turned his gaze to Hinata, who was still standing at a distance, obviously nervous. He thought of the last time at the dinner, when he had seen her as surprised as he had been at the announcement of their engagement.

He thought of the way his uncle had informed him he was supposed to have a date with Hinata every month and that it was a part of their engagement deal. He felt the metallic taste of disgust and something else in his mouth.

“I think Hinata’s waiting for you,” Sasuke curtly told Naruto as he stood up as well, suddenly wanting to leave.

“Oh,” Naruto looked at him and then back at Hinata, who looked down at her feet. “So will you come?”

“We’ll think about it,” Sai stood up, answering for both of them.

____________

It was 11 pm. when he knocked at the door. There was silence, before the sound of footsteps and shuffling reached his ears. He waited at the door patiently. It swung open and a girl came into view.

“Sasuke…” Sakura was obviously shocked at seeing him, taking in his appearance. “What are you doing here?”

Instead of answering, he tried to ignore the spike of panic going through him. “You said me you wanted to see me,”

Sakura blinked. “I-I did but I didn’t think you’d be showing up at this hour randomly,”

“Can I come in?”

“Of course,” she said, opening the door wider for him. “Sasuke you look…unwell. Are you okay?”

“I just need to stop thinking,” he told her as she closed the door and faced him.

She closed the distance between them as she came to cup his face. “I’m glad you came here. I want to help,”

“I don’t want anything romantic. You can tell me to leave,” he told her honestly. “I just didn’t know where else to go,”

Sakura smiled at that, something happy and tender in her eyes at his words. “I’m here,”

When she leaned closer, her lips moving towards his, Sasuke didn’t hesitate. He closed his eyes and kissed back.

He let himself get lost in the sensation, if only for a moment.

________

Chapter Text

Ghosts of the past

Something unpleasant from one's past that "haunts" them (makes them feel uneasy) to the present day.

________

Sai walked slowly up the stairs, his backpack heavy on his shoulders. He felt exhausted after another double shift at Twilight, the club he worked at in the Yamanaka territory. The other bartender had been missing shifts more frequently, and Sai had an inkling he wouldn’t be working there for long.

He didn’t care. He didn’t usually mind if shifty people worked in downtown Konoha. It wasn’t like his past was pristine anyways. He was just glad they’d hired him, even if it was only because he’d initially caught the heiress’ attention.

He reached his dorm room and fished the keys out from his pocket, opening the door quietly. It was almost 12 a.m. and his roommate was a very irregular sleeper. He didn’t know if it had always been this way or if his brother’s death had made this of Sasuke. Maybe he wouldn’t even be home, he wondered, taking off his heavy combat boots and closing the door behind him. Sasuke had been increasingly spending nights at Sakura’s.

He sighed again, hunger hitting him hard, as he deposited his bag pack on their shared sofa. Maybe there were leftovers in the fridge, he hoped, otherwise he’d have to make do on ramen again.

“Dammit,” he whispered under his breath as he turned on the light. He turned to the kitchen and his heart stuttered to a stop, his reflexes kicking in, as he realized Sasuke was sitting on a chair watching him.

“Fuck,” he said, relaxing. “Why were you just sitting there in the dark?”

Sasuke blinked slowly, looking tired but alert. “I was waiting for you,”

The tension was evident in his tone, and there was another innocuous bruise on his face, just like last week. “I’m honored,” Sai began warily, “But I wasn’t aware we were dating,”

His roommate had avoided the question last time when Sasuke had asked about the cut on his face. The pattern suggested the source of the two was the same. “I needed to ask you something,”

“Go ahead,” Sai told him, abandoning his search for food to listen to the boy. He knew there was some tension between them ever since Sasuke had gotten than cut on his face, but he had bided his time, waiting for Sasuke to bring it up. He never forgot who he lived with; that Sasuke was one of the most dangerous- if not the most dangerous- men in Konoha.

It was unfortunate that his timing for confrontation was so shitty.

“Are you spying on me?” Sasuke asked bluntly.

Sai paused. Ah. So he had found out. He carefully searched Sasuke’s face for any anger, but found none. Sasuke just looked very attentive.

“No,” he answered honestly.

“You were in the secret intelligence,” Sasuke stated.

No. 7, Sai-

“Yes,”

“You didn’t tell me,”

“You didn’t ask,” Sai said, even though his bravado was false. He knew Sasuke was suspicious and that he could easily get rid of Sai if he so wanted to and no one in the world would bat an eye.

“I’m asking now,” Sasuke said, very calmly.

Sai took in a shaky breath. “What do you want to know?”

“How did you end up in my class this year? Was it to spy on me?” Sasuke asked. “Do you have any involvement in my brother’s murder?”

“It’s a long story, no and no,” he answered in one go.

“I don’t mind long stories,” Sasuke told him.

“…I was an orphan,” Sai started, trying to shove down the barrage of memories. It always made his head hurt. “The Intelligence had a program started about 2 decades ago. I was chosen for the program,”

“What program?”

“Operation Root,” He replied. “They recruited us young so they could mold us into whomever they wanted us to be,”

“And what were you?”

Your missions is to find and eliminate-

Lay low and collect information-

Blend in and-

“I’ve been a lot of things,” he admitted.

“Why did you leave?” Sasuke asked. “Did you room with me because you needed to spy on me?”

“I lost someone close to me,” he said, refusing to go into detail. “It made me leave quietly. I ended up on the streets for a while before Yamanaka san hired me. The degree is just something I wanted,”

Sasuke gauged him carefully for a while. “Is that why you’re always short on cash?”

Sai shrugged, deeming it safe enough to resume his hunt for food. “Life could be worse. I could be dead right now,”

Sasuke nodded. “If I find out you lied about anything else, or omitted something like this again, you’re going to be sleeping with the fish,”

The statement made Sai smile. “Okay,”

“And as for your financial problems, I think I have a better vocation for you than bartending at the Yamanka’s shitty bar,”

“Don’t tell me your gang pays,” Sai raised his eyebrows as he found a takeout box in the fridge. Probably something Sasuke didn’t finish.

“We also have free health insurance,” Sasuke smirked.

“And who would I be working under?”

“Me,” Sasuke straightened. “You’re loyal to me first,”

“I want thrice my double shift wage at the bar,” Sai told him, putting the takeout box in the microwave Sasuke had brought with him.

“You got it,” Sasuke answered, something relieved in his voice.

_________

Sasuke was sitting next to a river. He was been peering into the water, into the murky reflection. But it wasn’t been his face staring back at him.

It was Itachi’s. His eyes were red and he opened his mouth to say something, but only bubbles rose to the surface. Sasuke reached his hand out to touch his brother’s face on the water’s surface when-

He blinked blearily, his heart thudding as he woke up to the shrill ringing of his phone.

He reached for the device just at it stopped ringing.

Obito, 6 missed calls.

His heart started beating faster as he unlocked his phone and realized there was a text from Obito.

I’m sending Kei to come get you. Pack your essentials. You’ll be staying home for an indefinite amount of time.

Then another text beneath it: Shisui’s escaped.

___________

Chapter Text

I am hungry

I have been hungry

I was born hungry

What do I need?

-          Abbey (Mitski)

__________

Forced basically into house arrest since Shisui’s escape, Sasuke felt worse than ever. Things kept spinning around in his head, never leaving him alone. Obito’s constant surveillance meant there were no distractions, no drugs- just this house and the lonely silence.

Why was Obito so paranoid?

Shisui was an escaped convict. It wasn’t like he was going to walk right into the Uchiha District. There had already been a search through the Uchiha Compounds last week, a day after Shisui’s escape. Chief Sarutobi had been worried they were hiding Shisui.

Sasuke had almost laughed in his face. He would kill the man himself if he could find him. If Obito would let him out of this fucking compound that is.

Sometimes, he really regretted the way his life had turned out.

His blood felt warm and he felt the frustration rise once more. It had always been this way- something discontented just simmering underneath his skin all the time. He was always so angry, so unsatisfied. Hate seeped out from every pore of his body, his mind trained to focus on the miniscule imperfections of himself.

He fisted his hand and landed another blow on the punching bag hanging in front of him. The blow seemed to burst something inside him as he landed a flurry of attacks on the bag, the force behind each successive hit increasing.

He felt so dissatisfied.

So hungry.

He felt like he was born with this deprivation, this horrible emptiness somewhere inside him never to be satiated. It was there, every morning when he woke up. It stayed there, in the back of his mind when he sat in class or fired a shot which Obito ordered him to. It gnawed at him, when he lay in his bed in the dark.

No matter what he did, no matter how much he ate, no matter what drugs or alcohol he consumed- the hunger didn’t abate, never lightened; didn’t abandon him.

He had realized this starvation for what it was, when he was 16 and his loneliness had seemed to be endless. He had realized he was so, so hungry for love. His soul felt like a scratched surface, which could only be soothed by a soft touch, a kind word.

But there was no room in his world for those. He hadn’t known that kind of love even when his parents had been alive. The only love he knew was Obito’s approval when he finally managed to best Itachi in a spar, or when he didn’t flinch as he finished off a rat in their ranks.

He knew Itachi’s love, kind but never expressive. His brother always seemed to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders and his love towards Sasuke had sometimes felt like an instinct or a duty, instead of something he cherished.

The hunger only worsened after his brother died and he was left all alone. It felt like he was never enough.

He wasn’t Itachi- he wasn’t perfect.

He wasn’t brave enough to be different and leave- he wasn’t like Shisui.

He wasn’t strong and ruthless, like Obito.

He was just Sasuke. He was always the weak one, who felt too much and let it affect him. He was always the one who would come running, never hesitating to sacrifice his feelings and desires or even life for others. But he knew not a single person existed in the world that would do the same for him.

Not anymore.

He was never enough for anyone; never enough for someone to want, without any hidden agenda; never enough to be anyone’s first choice; never really the right person.

And it wasn’t like he hadn’t tried.

Itachi had been his family’s first choice for everything. He could fight back, snarl and demand things and do what he wanted without feeling guilty, and still he was loved by everyone. He was still always enough.

He was enough for their parents, he was enough to be Shisui’s best friend and he was enough to be loved by Izumi, no matter what the circumstances were. He was enough for Obito, the man he argued with on a daily basis to do things his way and Obito had respected that.

Sasuke on the other hand, was never the one, no matter what he had done.

He was always the unnoticed, irrelevant child to his parents. Shisui had treated him like an older cousin would- always nice but never really including Sasuke into his and Itachi’s world. There was no Izumi and despite knowing Sakura’s feelings towards him, Sasuke never felt the same towards her. He had tried.

Then, here was Obito, his only living family member. He listened to everything his uncle had taught him, he tried to make him proud. He tried and tried and still, there was always a glimmer of disappointment in Obito’s eyes when he would look at Sasuke.

You’re still just a boy.

His knuckles felt sore and inflamed and still he didn’t stop punching. He wanted his hands to shatter with the impact of his emotions. He wanted to destroy the family gym room where he had grown up training with Obito and Itachi. He wanted to do something drastic, to let out his emotions.

He yelled in frustration, his throat raw and that feeling inside him still refusing to die.

Nobody really needed him. Everybody had wanted Itachi.

He wondered why it just couldn’t have been him who died instead.

Chapter Text

This night is cold in the kingdom

I can feel you fade away

• Let me down slowly (Alec Benjamin)

______

Sasuke found that he was unable to sleep, once again.

He was pretty sure his dark circles were a permanent fixture on his face now, contrasting sharply against the pale of his skin. If he had any vanity left inside him, he would mind the way Obito’s eyes always looked at him with pity and sadness. But there was nothing.

There was the cigarette in between his fingers and the chilly breeze as he puffed out another cloud of smoke.

Looking out of the window of his childhood bedroom, Sasuke felt the sense that he was surreal. Did he actually exist or was he just a mirage, just a spirit meant for wandering around aimlessly and suffering in silence?

He took another drag of the cigarette, when he thought he saw a shadow move across their garden in the compounds. He blinked, the distant streetlamps scattered around the district of no use, as he tried to make out his vision.

When he had been taking amphetamines, he had hallucinated a lot.

Although he’d been off them for about a month or so, he wondered if it was still possible for him to hallucinate shadows creeping across the garden, crossing the gate and into the patio. He’d have to ask Sakura about that.

Or maybe Obito was right and the drugs had permanently fucked his brain.

It could be either.

He blinked again, breathing out the smoke, and then the shadow was gone.

It’s just a temporary lapse in my sanity, he told himself. Shadows, hallucinations, what else was new? Maybe he’d see a ghost tonight as well.

So caught up in his thoughts, he was startled when he heard a crash. Hallucinations didn’t make noises. It must be an intruder, he thought, jumping into action. He threw the cigarette out his window and leapt to his pillow, where the gun was stashed hastily.

Obito had advised him against placing the gun next to his pillow many times; chastising him that it would go off in his sleep, but Sasuke always secretly hoped it would. At least it would end this hell scape where his family was dead and his uncle was constantly zoning out or killing people.

Anyways, the gun placement was coming in handy now, Sasuke told himself as he walked out of his room barefooted. He was wearing only a trouser and his frame was almost ghostly as he walked past the mirror in the long corridor, moving towards the stairs.

There was a definite thumping sound coming now, from the sitting room- almost like someone was dragging something across the wooden floor. Cautiously, Sasuke walked down the wooden stairs, trying not to make any noise.

He wasn’t scared, more than he was curious. Someone would have to be absolutely suicidal to break into the Uchiha District, let along their main compounds. But how had this intruder gotten past the security? It was virtually impossible to get through the security unless-

No.

Sasuke’s footsteps quickened and he reached the bottom of the stairs with his heart thumping madly in his chest. There was a dark figure, someone slumping as they tried to shuffle forwards. The person was barely able to walk, Sasuke realized, and the dragging sound had been the sound of their feet as the caught on the floor.

The tangy, coppery smell in the air made Sasuke realize they were also bleeding. Heavily.

Making his way through the room into the lounge, Sasuke watched the figure go still as it realized someone was behind him. Without any further ado, Sasuke flipped on the light switch.

Shisui’s face was white as a ghost as he stood leaning with one hand on the couch frame and the other tightly clutching his side. He was wearing a long sleeved thermal shirt, which was darker on the side he was clutching, so he was probably bleeding from there.

He didn’t look good, Sasuke realized.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” were the first words out of his mouth.

Shisui let out a ragged breath, letting his eyes drag down Sasuke’s frame and snagging at the gun pointed towards him. “Oh good, I was afraid no one was going to be home,”

Shisui was speaking very slowly, as if it was draining him to speak at all, and Sasuke noticed the sweat accumulating on his eyebrows. Sasuke, once again, felt like he was standing on the precipice of a nightmare.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked, hating how he still cared.

“I’m bleeding out,” his cousin replied, falling on the floor, leaning against the couch in a sitting position. Sasuke noticed the blood stained hand marks on the couch where he had been grabbing the frame.

“What happened?”

“Call Obito,” he said instead, “I don’t have much time,”

“Yeah you don’t,” Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “Because I’m about to kill you,”

Shisui scoffed. Sasuke wondered how the older boy always had the power over him, whether he was in handcuffs or whether Sasuke was holding a gun. Was his regard for his own life truly so little?

“You’re not doing that,” another voice added to the mix, Sasuke whirling around to find Obito standing in the doorway, as if there wasn’t a fugitive in their living room.

“Obito,” Shisui gritted his teeth as he attempted to sit up. “It’s been a long time,”

Obito’s mouth was tight, as if he was gearing up for battle. Sasuke blinked. “Long time? When was the last time you guys saw each other?”

Obito’s face turned white, while Shisui smirked. “It was a very long time ago-,”

“How did you get in?” Obito interrupted, walking closer to their relative, who was bleeding out on their floor.

“And why didn’t you go to a hospital instead of breaking into the compounds?” Sasuke interrupted, hating the way urgency filled him at the sight of Shisui loosing blood.

“I’m an escaped fugitive. Who’d help me?”

“I’m going to call Kei. He’ll stitch you up,” Sasuke found himself saying.

“I thought you wanted me dead,” Shisui smiled, his eyes sad instead of mocking and Sasuke thought about the same look his cousin would have when Sasuke would ask him difficult questions.

“You’re wasting time. Why are you here?” Obito asked his voice hard.

“I did it Obito,” Shisui looked proud and deluded as a manic look overcame his eyes. Sasuke realized this was why he had spent a decade in an asylum. “I killed them all,”

“…what?” Obito’s voice raised an octave.

“I killed all the elders on the mayor’s council. They paid for Itachi’s death,”

Sasuke’s ears started ringing. What the fuck?

“The mayor arranged my brother’s death?” Sasuke asked, thinking of Naruto’s guardian, the mayor from the noble bloodline, Tsunade.

“No. It was the old cronies that have hated us always,” Shisui said, “But no matter…I got rid of them,”

“Oh no,” Obito shook his head. “Shisui, what did you do?”

Sasuke was shocked to hear his normally ruthless uncle, so unafraid of murdering others, sound so worried.

“I was tired of waiting…Itachi…they weren’t supposed to touch Itachi,”

“Shisui I was dealing with that!” Obito yelled in anger, “It wasn’t anyone on the council. I know-,”

“No,” Shisui snarled, trying to sit up straighter as he bled out, the life seeping out of him. “It was them. I know it. Danzo Shimura was on the council, he-,”

“Fuck, don’t tell me-,”

“I killed his granddaughter. He’ll know how it feels now,”

“Shisui,” Obito spat out, “You’ve ruined everything,”

“Ruined everything? No I saved you. They’ll never mess with you again,”

“You put an even bigger target on Sasuke’s back!” Obito spat out. “You fucking idiot. You realize they only need to barge in here and find us complicit of housing a fucking psycho before throwing us into that asylum with you!”

Sasuke felt like he couldn’t breathe. “I’m not going back to the asylum,” Shisui told them.

“Of course you are,” Obito chided. “I’m going to stitch up the wounds myself. We’re going to hide you for the time being…I’ll fix this mess. You’ll willingly go back there if you want us to be-,”

“I’m not going back,” Shisui said. “I’m going to be dead in a while anyway,”

“You’re not going to die,”

“You have no idea what it’s like in that cell,” Shisui spat out. “I was only alive because I thought staying like a compliant little boy would keep Itachi and Izumi safe. But they’re-,”

Shisui’s voice broke, his breath ragged. “You need to kill me,”

“Oh my god,” Obito spat, “You fucked us over, dragging the Uchiha into an even bigger mess than last time and now you want us to kill you?”

“I am not going back,” Shisui decided.

“You should have died on the road somewhere in a ditch then!” Obito yelled, his hand moving through his hair. “Goddammit, why did you come here?”

“Obito…you look just like Fugaku,” Shisui’s voice was dreamy; faded, and Obito’s anger faded into something like sadness.

Sasuke remembered a boy once, who had wanted to be a lawyer. He had told Sasuke that their family had a way of changing them. Sasuke hadn’t known then, what he was talking about.

But now, watching his uncle berate his cousin for dying on their doorstep; now watching Shisui bleed out, come to die in his home, he understood. He realized how utterly this life of crime and luxury sucked them of vital force, until they were nothing but monsters or former husks of themselves.

“Did you know fresh water fish come back to the place they were born, when they’re about to die?” Shisui asked no one in particular. His voice was slowing down, his face white as if he were about to pass out.

Obito seemed to realize the change too, his senses sharpening as he made to leave the room.. “I’ll be back with a first aid kid. I’ll stitch him up and then we can sort out the rest,”

Sasuke’s head was spinning as Obito walked out, but all he could focus on was Shisui. “Did you come here to die?” Sasuke asked his voice oddly calm. He felt like he was outside his own body. His grip on the gun tightened.

“I just wanted to come home,” Shisui sounded like a child; one Sasuke had loved in another lifetime.

“Okay,” Sasuke nodded.

“Sasuke,”

“Okay,” he muttered to himself, raising the gun.

Shisui seemed to understand what was going on. “If Obito saves my life…please Sasuke,” he pleaded. “Let me have this,”

“Sasuke what are you doing?” Obito’s voice snapped as he walked into the room, holding the first aid kit. “Lower that gun right now,”

“If you’ve ever loved me, ever,” Shisui pleaded. “Please let me go,”

“Sasuke, don’t-,”

The shot rang out through the room at the same time as Obito’s words tumbled out in a hurry. Shisui slumped over in a heap, his ragged breath finally quiet.

Shisui looked younger like this, his chin resting on his shoulder and his features placid and calm. Sasuke could almost see the boy he had once been.

“What have you done Sasuke?” Obito’s voice was quiet, his eyes glued to their cousin.

“We’re going to need shovels,” Sasuke told his uncle, turning around quietly. “Otherwise we’ll be in bigger trouble with the authorities,”

Obito’s eyes were sad when he looked at Sasuke. “You took his life,”

“He hadn’t been alive in a long time, Obito,” Sasuke told him. “I’ll call Kei. We have a long night ahead of us,”

_______

Konoha was in frenzy the next day. The entire council of the elders had been found dead in their homes. Another casualty was the 23 year old granddaughter of former council member, Danzo Shimura.

Footage showed Shisui Uchiha as the person in common for all the incidences.

“Well,” Chief Asuma Sarutobi shook his head as he showed Obito the search warrant for the Uchiha district. “Let’s hope we find you complicit and have an excuse to put you two away for good,”

Obito’s eyes were hard. “Uchiha don’t forgive traitors, Chief Sarutobi. I don’t think we would have helped one who eliminated most of our family,”

“You Uchiha also have a habit of not letting go of people you loved,” Sarutobi reminded him. “Let’s hope there’s getting rid of you after all,”

Sasuke thought of the smoothed out grave at the riverside, far away by the pier where Shisui and Itachi had loved to sit once upon a time.

“I wish there was,” he simply told the chief before walking away.

__________

Chapter Text

Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor.

_________

2016, Konoha University Campus, Student residential area

Sasuke had recently turned 21 and he was drunk the night he really saw her for the first time. He never really was able to look away afterwards.

Summer was freshly over and the fall semester had started only weeks ago. Sasuke had been relieved to get out of the Uchiha district and back into the student dorm to pursue his 3^rd year of undergrad. Obito had been worse than usual this summer, after the constant searches and suspicion from the authorities and police when they hadn’t found any traces of Shisui. He was serious and thoughtful most of the time, but since Itachi’s death, he had been wound up tight.

Sasuke had been secretly relieved. He hated Shisui with a passion. He had ruined all their lives. But somehow, the 17 year old cousin whose smile formed lines around his eyes, never really left Sasuke’s mind.

It had felt something bitter, when they buried his body secretly, in the place he had loved. This was something they’d never been able to do for Itachi.

That night wasn’t the usual sort of drinking night for Sasuke. He was drunk on grief and sorrow and wanted to drown it out in something that would make him numb. There was nothing better for the purpose on his college campus than the “welcome back” rager his department’s frat house was throwing.

He had been invited more than once and tonight, he was inclined to join them. Usually, Sai would be with him, but tonight he had been called by Obito for an “errand”.

Sakura had been on his case all day and he’d finally snapped at her attempt to make him “talk about it”. She was still not deterred.

“Do you want me to come over tonight?” she had asked green eyes full of pity and he hated it.

“I’m not a child, Sakura,” he’d ground out. “And you’re not my girl-friend so stop nagging like one,”

That had made her recoil and Sasuke didn’t even cringe at the low-blow he’d dealt with. “I’m just worried for you,” she said in a small voice.

He sighed. “I’m going to stay in and be by myself. You don’t need to worry,”

He knew she had a test tomorrow. The life of a medical student was never easy and he knew she wouldn’t be coming over unexpectedly.

He thought about the interaction when he walked alone towards the edge of campus where the Law frat house was located. There had been a chilly wind blowing throughout the day, the weather confused between the leaving summer and threshold of fall. Now there were dark clouds hiding the pale moon and the stars, making him shiver slightly in his Henley. It looked like it would rain heavily.

There was loud music booming from the intricately designed building and he could feel the bass from all the way out here. Another chilly breeze blew past him, making the leaves shake softly and for a second, he stood there and took the scenery in.

Then, he was instantly reminded of why he was there in the first place and he quickened his pace under another wave of grief, desperate for a reprieve.

He was bathed instantly in the bright lights of the porch, littered with party-goers who were drinking from red cups and speaking loudly to hear over the music. He didn’t stop to recognize anyone. All he wanted was to get drunk and Lee’s spiked punch would do the trick.

He didn’t greet anyone even as he entered the main living areas and made a beeline for the kitchen. There on the marble counter was an enormous- and he meant enormous- bowl of punch. It looked almost red with how orange it was and something told him he didn’t want to know what Lee put in it.

He took the ladle and a cup, pouring himself a generous amount and immediately starting gulping it down. He cringed as he brought the cup away from his mouth. What the hell was in this thing?

“Look what the cat dragged in,”

He turned to his left when he heard Shikamaru’s voice. The boy was leaning against the counter on his forearms, looking sleepy as usual.

“Nara,” Sasuke’s eyebrows went up. “Didn’t know this was your type of event,”

Shikamaru shrugged. “It is if it gets Ino to shut up about my lack of a social life,”

Sasuke snorted at the mention of the crazy blonde Sakura was best friends with. He took another huge gulp to wash down the thought of her. “You let her bully you too much,” he commented as he finished his cup and went to pour more.

“If you knew her you’d know submission was less troublesome than arguing,” Shikamaru said, straightening up. “Hey, maybe you should slow down. You’ve been here less than a minute,”

Sasuke rolled his eyes as he filled his cup again. “Maybe you should drink something. It might even make this whole endeavor more bearable,”

“You know what Lee put in that thing?”

“The power of youth? I really don’t care,” he said and finished his second cup with a long gulp.

Maybe it was the harshness of his tone or the desperation in his eyes, but Shikamaru backed off. “Alright,” he muttered. “Troublesome. Wake me up if there’s a fire,”

As he drank his third cup and started feeling more than a little buzzed, Sasuke watched Shikamaru fall asleep in the heavy bass and loud music.

The night was more a blur from then on. He was recognized by some classmates and they dragged him off for some “fun”. He was vaguely aware of playing beer pong and doing tequila shots. The faces were a blur around him. The laughter and cheer felt from somewhere far away and by the time he became aware of himself again, he was drinking water in a china tea cup on the couch.

People were littered around, leaning against surfaces and laughing and drinking. There were ungodly loud cheers coming from the next room and Sasuke groaned. He felt hyper-aware of everything. And that included the lump in his throat as he watched the clock strike 1 a.m.

The horrible day was over. He’d drunk away the grief. Why did he still feel so miserable?

Outside, thunder sounded and the dark sky lit up with a crack of lightning. He groaned again. He didn’t want to walk all the way to his dorm at the other end of campus in rain. But staying here was worse.

“Are you okay?” someone asked.

He became aware of someone sitting on the other end of the couch with him. He looked up and his eyes focused on the girl sitting with her hands in her lap, looking at him.

“Hyuga?” he asked.

It was definitely her with hair the color of midnight.

The eldest daughter of the Hyuga family, she’d always been in the background of his life. They both belonged to prominent families and ran in the same circles. He was the son of a Mafia boss/business owner and she was the daughter of one of the most powerful politician families of Konoha.

She was also the girl he’d been tied down to after his brother died, he thought.

The thought made him aware that he wanted to throw up- whether from the reminder or the alcohol. “Are you okay?” she was asking again.

“What the hell are you doing here?” he asked instead, a bit more harshly than he intended.

She blinked. “The same as you, I think,” she replied in that characteristic saccharine voice.

“Drinking?”

“Trying to get my bearings,” she corrected.

He wanted to come up with a sarcastic reply but his head hurt too much. It was a sharp pain rising from the base of his skull to his temples. He scrunched his eyebrows and let himself attempt to drink another sip of water.

Another rumble of thunder and suddenly there was the sound of heavy foot-steps.

“Police!” someone screamed and in one second there was chaos everywhere.

Sasuke just sat there, trying to make sense of what was happening. The party-goers coherent enough to realize something was wrong were stumbling around, trying to run away while tripping over the passed out folks.

He blinked and Hinata was standing in front of him, tugging at his arm. She was saying something and when he focused, he could make sense of what she was trying to tell him.

“Come on,” she repeated, trying to make him stand up. He followed her lead, his body heavy as if made of lead. He didn’t know where they were going, but he knew it was better than sitting here waiting to be apprehended.

He vaguely remembered Sakura warning him about the new campus policy. There had been a lot of noise complaints during the weekdays and there was a new rule about serious consequences like suspension or even expulsion if caught throwing or attending parties on weeknights.

A part of him wanted to stay just because he knew he could get away with it. But he knew it was more trouble than he wanted to deal with at the moment.

So, he followed her out the back door, even as people ran around. She led him to a car and he let himself fall into the passenger seat.

“Jesus Christ,” he said as Hinata sat in the driver’s side and started the car.

“It’s okay,” she told him.

He closed his eyes and let the darkness envelope him.

_________

Chapter Text

When you walked into the room just then

It’s like the sun came out

• Start of time (Gabrielle Aplin)

________

He woke abruptly, feeling something was wrong. He felt nauseous and he realized with panic that he did not recognize the room he was in.

He threw off the blanket covering him as he let himself stumble off the couch in search of a bathroom. Feeling worse with each passing second, he found the bathroom. It was so white and clean that it actually hurt his eyes to watch. He stumbled in and finally let himself throw up against the toilet bowl.

He gasped for breath as he vomited up all the alcohol he had consumed, feeling his throat burn and his eyes water.

After a few minutes passed, he finally felt better. He leaned back on his haunches and let himself breathe. He felt incredibly weak but he stood up and flushed the bowl. He walked to the sink and washed his hand, looking at the mirror above the sink.

His face looked pale, sweat accumulating on his brow. The area under his eyes was slightly darker than the rest of his face, although maybe that was due to his sleepless nights instead of the partying.

“Do you feel any better?” Hinata’s voice made him look away from his reflection and towards her, standing in the doorway with a white towel.

He didn’t reply as he gargled with water before feeling like a semblance of a human being. He walked towards her and stood directly in front of her with a glare. He towered over her, about a foot taller, as she handed him the towel, not at all intimidated.

He wiped his hands and followed her out, back towards the room he’d woken up in. He realized it was some sort of lounge, with a huge screen on the wall opposite to the sofa he was sleeping on.

“Is this your place?” he asked her as he let himself fall on the sofa, leaning his head against it. His head was pounding relentlessly and he really regretted all the alcohol. He wished she would dim the lights.

“Yes,” she affirmed. He opened one eye as he watched her pick a cup from the table in front of them and hand it to him. “It’s 15 minutes from campus,”

“What is this?” he asked, taking the cup.

“Tea,” she answered shortly, gesturing to another cup which must have been for herself.

“I don’t want to drink tea,” he told her with his temper shortening. “I need painkillers,”

“It’s a hangover remedy,” she told him. “It’ll help you feel better,”

He didn’t say anything as he relented and took the cup from her. He observed the room more clearly. It was decorated in a modern style, strict beiges and whites and abstract art lining the area. It felt pristine. It felt…suffocating.

“Did your dad do the decorating?” he asked as he took a sip of the steaming cup. It tasted severely bitter. He cringed.

“Of course not,” she said with a raised brow, a look he hadn’t seen on her before. “He hired a decorator to do it the way he wanted,”

So she was being snippy. Sasuke supposed he wasn’t being a very good guest/intruder.

They were both silent for a while as they sipped from their respective cups. Sasuke noticed the time. It was 6:19 a.m. And the sky outside was still dark, he noticed from the huge glass window on the wall. It was raining heavily. The constant patter of the rain sounded very soothing to his pounding head.

Sasuke felt slightly better and he thought he should thank her. But he didn’t know how he should say it. “Why did you bring me here?” he asked instead, thinking about their past interactions.

Or lack thereof.

Hinata was a complication.

Her family had discrete ties with his; the founding families of this town. The Uchiha helped them with their election campaign funding and the Hyuga let them do whatever they wanted in their “business” ventures.

Then one year ago, his brother had died. The Uchiha had needed the show of strength and support in the event of their heir’s death.

Enter the Hyuga Family.

They had showed their support for the Uchiha- not only in public but in a lot of their private ventures as well. All they asked for was one thing: Hinata was going to be the Uchiha’s problem very soon.

There weren’t any formal betrothals or deals between them- at least none he knew about. All he knew was that at the start of his second college year, he had been sat down by his uncle Obito in his family home and he had been informed that he would have to spend an hour every week with the oldest Hyuga girl.

Of course, he had stood her up every single time. He had resented her. He resented this macabre trade that had been made for him- his brother for this girl.

And now here he was; sitting in her home, at her mercy. He realized too late that there was no sign of the trusted revolver he carried everywhere with him. He must have over looked it last night.

“To help you?” she said, dubiously. “We’ve known each other all our lives after all, I think I owe you this much,”

Sasuke laughed sarcastically. “I haven’t exactly been the paragon of kindness to you in that duration,”

She hummed and took a sip of her drink. He did the same.

“You were out of it last night,” Hinata started hesitantly. “Is everything okay?”

Sasuke was too afraid to look up and find pity in her eyes. He reached out for the familiar anger.

“You help me out of pity and I owe you answers?” he snapped, looking up at her. “You should have left me there instead,”

Hinata’s eyes hardened. “I would have helped anyone,” she started.

“Oh because your family is just known for your kindness, right?” he drawled. “Your father didn’t even wait 2 days after my brother died to make this deal between our families,”

“Stop it,” she told him with narrowed eyes.

“What do you want from me?” he asked his tone harsher now. “Why would a Hyuga help me out of the kindness of their charred fucking heart?”

“I just didn’t want to add to your suffering,” Hinata said, her voice louder.

“I don’t need your pity,” he told her. “I don’t need anything from you or your goddamn corrupt family,”

She was silent for a moment. “You’re being mean,” she said.

He stopped short. He had been preparing himself for a verbal assault equally painful as the one he had dealt her. Instead-

“What?” he asked, shocked.

He had been called many things in his life, most of them too filthy to be said in polite company. But no one had ever called him mean before. It was a given fact, one that being a Mafia’s son had provided him all his life.

“You’re being mean to me even though I’m only trying to help,” she said firmly. “If this is because you think you owe me something because I did this, don’t. I don’t want anything from you,”

He didn’t realize what he was doing until she said it. He stayed silent.

“You’re the last person who deserves my pity,” she said, tone softening a bit but not completely. “I just think you should talk to someone,”

“To you?” he asked, anger giving way partly to curiosity. This was the girl he’d been ignoring for a whole year. He knew she didn’t tell her family that he hadn’t been showing up to their mandatory dates; otherwise there would have been consequences. Maybe a couple more ring marks on his face, courtesy of Obito.

“To anyone,” she admitted. “Maybe to Sakura?”

He snorted. “Why would I talk to her?”

“Isn’t she your girlfriend?”

“No,” he told her taking a sip of the vile drink, even though he could admit his headache was improving.

“She seems to think so,” Hinata said.

Sasuke turned to watch her. He had never really taken a good look at her before. She was always just there, existing in the background.

But sitting here in the white light of her immaculate living room, he could see the flush on her cheeks. He let his eyes move over her porcelain face, her midnight hair draping over her thin shoulder that were engulfed under a sweatshirt.

“Is that why you haven’t told your family that I haven’t been meeting my end of the deal?” he asked, tone softening. “Because of Sakura?”

She turned to look back at him before shaking her head. “No,”

“Then why?”

“I just think you deserve a little more freedom in your life,” she shrugged.

Something inside him loosened at that sentiment. He took another sip and closed his eyes. Then, he spoke.

“My brother died one year ago yesterday,” he told her. “I’ve been spiraling since then. Yesterday…I just wanted to forget,”

Hinata’s eyes softened and he watched carefully for any signs of pity. He found none. Only sadness.

“You kept saying his name when you were sleeping,” she said.

He breathed out harshly. “You weren’t sleeping?” he asked.

“I couldn’t sleep because of the storm,” she assuaged him. “Not because of you,”

“How did you get me in here?” he asked.

“You were slightly coherent then. You did most of the work,” she smiled and he noticed how it changed her face from solemn to lovely.

“I don’t remember anything,” he hated the way it made him feel so weak and out of control to say it. That he had to depend on someone else- someone who he didn’t even acknowledge- for help.

He’d been having a hard time for a long time. But this made him realize just how much.

“Sasuke,” she said his name, garnering his attention. “People talk. Families talk,”

He raised his eyebrow. She continued. “I’ve been hearing things. They say you’re unhinged ever since your brother died. You pick fights; you don’t pay attention to your familial duties or studies. You…waste yourself,”

All of those things were true. He just didn’t realize how much.

“Konoha is a harsh place for the weak. I don’t think your brother would have wanted that for you,”

He felt the anger return. “How would you even know what he wanted?”

She returned his frustration. “I knew him more than I know you,” she said. “He was always kind to me. He was always bright…one would think he didn’t spend his time in the murkiest warehouses of Konoha doing god knows what. He…loved life. And he loved you,”

“And then he just vanished,” Sasuke breathed, his throat clogged up again. “What’s the use of being the perfect heir and the perfect son and being so bright and lovely if in the end all you end up in is dirt and dust?”

“The point is living life…not just surviving it. The point is to live not exist,”

He looked at her. Her cheeks were almost red now and she was looking at him so earnestly, her eyes wet.

“You can tell me to back off and I will. I have no right telling you these things. Things you probably already know. But I do know one thing,”

He was almost afraid to ask. “What’s that?”

“You’re too good to waste your life like this,”

They both sat engulfed in silence until he drained his cup and his headache faded. He put his cup down with a thud.

He realized he had a lot to think about. And he knew this wouldn’t fix anything. But she did give him the wake-up call he needed. He had been told the same things she had said by many people before.

His teachers, his guardian, his friends, Sakura.

But they were always affiliated with him or expected something of him. He never paused to think anything of it. But she had no reason to tell him this. And somehow, this mattered to him.

She looked surprised but didn’t pull away as he reached for her hand, took it gently and cradled it in his.

“Hinata?”

“Hm?”

“Do you want to teach me this headache remedy next week?”

She smiled, letting him run his thumb over the back of her hand. “That’s only for the Hyuga and spouses,”

He sighed. “Let’s see what I can do about that,”

_________

Chapter Text

Someone told me stay away from things

That aren’t yours

But was he yours if he wanted me so bad?

• ­Pacify her (Melanie Martinez)

___________

2017, Konoha University, start of spring semester

When she was little, Sakura loved reading.

It didn’t matter what she read; it ranged from the magazines her mother left lying around, and the encyclopedias her father kept in his study. When she grew older, she read books from the library. She read her textbooks and her book collection and scientific and medical journals.

And despite her busy schedule as a medical student, she loved reading fiction. She loved the drama, the thrill, the romance of novels. She visualized each story as if it were her own, happening with a dark haired romantic partner in mind.

For a while, it felt like her story with Sasuke would be the endgame she had always envisioned. She relished his visits, every caress of his hand on her smooth skin like a spark on her body. He never opened up to her emotionally, not like the heroes in her novels did, but Sakura didn’t mind. She knew he was in a vulnerable place.

But she would help him. She would heal over his wounds with her affection.

The relationship -as she thought of it lasted for about a year. Sasuke was almost a shell of his former self. While he had been quiet before, during that year he was withdrawn, pale and almost absent. One could be grasping his arm and still feel like he was floating eons away from them.

Then, he started changing.

It was in their third year at university when his visits to Sakura started becoming brief at first, and then entirely stopped. He started smiling again, his cheeks not as gaunt. He started showing up to his classes and actually attended social events again. Sakura was happy for him, but his increasing withdrawal from this space between them concerned her. She had barely even seen him in social events during the summer.

So she confronted him, their seventh semester having only just started.

He was sitting on a bench in the lawn, tapping away on his phone with a small smile on his face when she marched up to him.

“Sasuke, what’s going on?”

He looked up, slightly surprised at the intrusion. “Sakura,”

“I’ve barely seen you these last few months,”

His expression recovered and the usual stoic look overcame his face. “I’ve been busy,”

“Too busy to text back, too busy to meet me,”

“I haven’t seen a reason for us to meet,”

That stung. Sakura stuttered. “W-what about us?”

His phone pinged with another text and Sasuke glimpsed down at the screen before setting it aside carefully with a frown on his face. Sakura couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked. His normally spiky hair was longer than before, some of it falling into his eyes as he sat back into the chair and looked at her. He was wearing his signature dark colors, the Uchiha crest embroidered on the jacket sleeves.

“Us?” he asked.

“You…haven’t come to meet up in a while and-,”

Sasuke sighed. “Sakura, that won’t be happening again,”

There was a quiet ringing in her ears at his words. “What?” she whispered.

“I’ve made it clear countless time…we are not in a relationship,” he emphasized. “We could stop anytime we wanted,”

That wasn’t how her happy ending with Sasuke was supposed to go. “What’s making you stop now?” she asked, snapping at him. “Have you met someone else to fuck?”

He seemed unfazed. “My priorities have shifted,”

“Shifted to what?”

“To me not needing mindless fucks and drugs to cope with my existence,” he retorted back, always the one in charge of their interactions.

She couldn’t keep the tears at bay. “Is that all I am to you?” she whispered. “A mindless fuck?”

“You’re not a mindful one,” he said sharply. She stepped back, as if the words had physically struck her. He sighed, realizing the callousness of his words.

“Look Sakura, I’m engaged. You must have known this wasn’t a sustainable arrangement,”

“That’s never stopped you before,” Sakura accused him. “You’ve always kissed back!”

“I told you…my priorities have changed,” he said. “I have to focus on what’s good for my family and upholding my engagement is important to my uncle,”

That wasn’t it, something told her. “No one’s ever been able to make you do something you didn’t want to,”

Sasuke stilled, his eyes becoming stormy at the notion of his fiancée. Deep down, Sakura had always known there was something. Sasuke didn’t pay mind to any girls. That’s what had convinced her of Sasuke’s devotion towards her for so long.

But with Hinata it had always been different, ever since they were children in school. It was frustration and almost like he was trying to desperately not pay attention.

Sakura had figured it was probably because their families were so caught up in each other’s dramas and problems.

“It’s important to me too,” he answered evenly, always so careful with his answers.

She’s important to me.

Sakura could feel her clarity slipping, her vision hazing into rage. “Hinata Hyuga? The same bitch whose in love with Naruto Uzumaki?”

Sasuke’s expression didn’t waver. He looked at her coolly. “If you can’t talk like a civilized person, maybe you should walk away,”

She laughed mirthlessly, a slightly unhinged edge to her tone at the new information being presented to her. “My choice of words doesn’t make it any less true though, right? Her feelings for Naruto?”

“Her feelings or mine are none of your concern,” he told her, pocketing his phone and pushing invisible dust off his jeans as he stood up.

“You are my business,” Sakura said, “Whether you like it or not. I’m the only one who’s been by your side through everything. I was there when your family was murdered and I was the one with you when your brother passed!”

“I never asked you to,” Sasuke told her, looking down at her, his hair falling into his eyes. “You insisted on being there, be my guest. But I never once have asked you to stay,”

“You’re throwing away everything we have- all our history- for that one girl?” she asked, morphing from anger to hurt.

The young man in front of her scoffed at her words. “It seems my meaning isn’t piercing your thick skull so let me say this in a way even you could understand, Sakura,”

He leaned closer, his tone full of disgust. “We were never in a relationship. I don’t love you and I never will. Your expectations towards me are not my problem and even if I wasn’t engaged to someone else, I would not be dating you,”

Sakura felt her breathing become shallow, tears blurring her vision.

Sasuke made to move, before he stopped and looked at her again. “And one more thing,”

She waited, pathetically waiting for her tears to stop blurring her eyes so she could see clearly. “Call my fiancée a bitch to my face again and I’m going to tear your tongue out of your throat,”

Sakura watched him go, shock and anger coursing through her. This was far from over. She would make sure of it.

Hinata could try her best to be with Sasuke, but Sakura would make sure their happy ending happened.

___________

Sasuke pulled his jacket tighter around himself as another gust of wind blew past. It was unusually cold for February, he thought, as he waited outside the political science department. He looked at the time again, wondering what was holding Hinata up.

Usually, he would try to align their schedules on the days they could. His schedule was almost always packed during the morning hours, while Hinata’s classes were distributed into morning and evening times throughout the week. They would usually hang out at least once a week on some sort of date, but there hadn’t been anything romantic between them yet.

Sasuke wondered when that would change.

He liked her. What he’d said to Sakura was true- his priorities had shifted. The thought of waking up for another day didn’t unnerve him anymore. He was partying and drinking less and Hinata had even made him attend a therapy session last month.

But still, he wondered if she liked him romantically or if she was just being friendly.

“Sasuke-kun!” Hinata’s voice sounded happy and Sasuke whirled around to follow the sound. She was only a few steps away from him, jogging towards him with a smile on her face. Her hair was loose and the tips of her ears and nose were pink.

Involuntarily, he stepped forward, engulfing her in a hug. “Hi,” he greeted.

“Hello,” she said, happy even as she pulled away to look at him. “Did you wait long?”

He shook his head, watching her even as another gust of wind blew. He found himself taking off his beanie, putting it on her head instead. “Hey, you’ll get cold,” she lamented.

“I’ll be okay,” he told her. Looking over her shoulder, he watched Naruto standing a distance away, looking at them. When he realized Sasuke was watching, he raised a hand in a wave. Sasuke didn’t wave back, but he nodded.

“Then we better hurry to the café so you don’t get cold,” Hinata said, taking his hand in hers and pulling her along. Sasuke stopped, forcing her to stop as well. There was urgency inside him. He needed to know.

“Hinata,” he said, making her look at him in puzzlement.

“Hm? What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Are you still in love with Naruto?”

She looked stunned into silence. Her eyes were wide and she didn’t reply. Sasuke felt his heart sink as the silence stretched between them. Oh.

“Okay,” he said, more to himself than her. “We can go now,”

He turned and started, intending to pull her along. “Sasuke,” she implored.

He stopped before turning once more to face her. He looked down towards her, not saying anything. “I’m not in love with him,”

His heart beat faster. “You’re not?”

She shook her head, looking at him bashfully. “Since when?” he asked, “I always thought-,”

She smiled, a little ruefully. “I did have feelings for him. You remember in high school? And even during our first year here. But it never really went anywhere. He never noticed anyways. He’s always liked Sakura,”

“I’m sorry,” he felt bad for her, even as happiness blossomed inside him at knowing she didn’t love Naruto.

“I’m not,” she looked at him. “I stopped feeling for him a while ago,”

“When’s that?” he asked, praying for a sign.

Her eyes roamed over his face as she stepped even closer. “Last year, when I got engaged to a grumpy boy,”

He couldn’t believe her words as he watched; waiting for her to say it was a joke. Then, he huffed out a laugh. “Thank God,” he didn’t know if he was saying it to her or himself.

Then, Sasuke leaned down and kissed her for the first time, in front of her department and classmates.

_______

Chapter Text

I’m about to party on you

Watch me, watch me party on you

_________

2017, Yamanaka bar, Downtown Konoha

The strobe lights hurt his eyes and the bass seemed to resonate in his whole chest every time it thumped. The mass of people on the dance floor and lounging on the sofas of the VIP section of the club might have been background noise, as he brought the shot glass to his mouth, throwing his head back to swallow the contents in one glow.

The whole world faded to a blur as he leaned back against the smooth leather of the sofa backrest and let his head fall against it. His hair, spiky and longer than it had been before, fell on his forehead and against the sofa.

Sasuke, you’re going to be my favorite-

He remembered the thought from when he had seen the 9 year old boy years ago. He had seen Mikoto’s soft features reflected in the boy’s face then. It had been enough to make him stay.

Obito breathed out, frustrated again.

He had always had a good intuition. It was what had led him to survive all those years in exile, picking up odd jobs and doing things he’d rather not remember. He had been correct in his initial assessment of his nephews too.

Itachi…

Itachi had truly been trained by his father. The boy had been unable to relax a moment in his life, except for when he had been around Izumi. He was always on the lookout, always prepared, always observing, always cataloguing. He would have made a truly impressive boss.

But Itachi was dead now. He had been dead for 2 years now.

And Sasuke…

“Get me more of these,” he vaguely gestured to Kei, who was as always, by his side. Kei nodded and went to retrieve more shots.

Looking at Sasuke was like looking in a mirror.

He was so idealistic, so young. He had never truly grasped the cunningness that possessed Itachi. Obito had loved Itachi, but he had been ruthless, exactly like Fugaku. He had been willing to do whatever it took to maintain peace and prosperity between their family and the rest of the city…no matter what it took.

But Sasuke was so passionate. He cared so much and bled all over things when they inevitably hurt him. Looking at him made Obito want to shield him from everything, knowing he couldn’t. He was so naïve, so empathic. He never saw the bigger picture- never saw the necessity of all the brutality.

Loss after loss had made Sasuke careless, Obito knew, but strangely that was how he reminded Obito of himself. He remembered losing Rin…he remembered losing everyone he ever loved.

And he was afraid that Sasuke would meet the same fate. He would experience defeat after defeat and there would be nothing left of the boy who loved too much, too easily.

Kei returned with more shots and Obito downed another one instantly. “Kumicho-sama,” Kei addressed, “Maybe we should return to the residence,”

Obito shook his head.

He didn’t want to return to the compounds. There were ghosts there. They surrounded him in his sleep, in his waking hours, until he had no choice but to listen to them. They lingered in the hallways, his older brother looking at him with hatred, his sister in law with pity in her gaze…

Shisui always lingered in the living room where he had stopped breathing.

You look just like Fugaku-

He didn’t know how true it was until Shisui had brought the words into existence, his last taunting reminder to Obito. When he looked into the mirror now, it was always Fugaku’s eyes staring back at him instead of his own.

Sasuke was his Obito.

He treated Sasuke just like his older brother had treated him.

Obito didn’t know how to feel about it. He hadn’t ever stood in this role, where he would have to empathize with Fugaku, how he had to take all the hard decisions. Now, he was the villain in Sasuke’s story.

“All that training and drilling and you’re still just a child. You’re still so fucking weak, Sasuke,”

“All that potential, all that training…and you’re still a fucking child. You’re still such a disappointment Obito,”

Hadn’t his brother once said the same things to him? Obito reached for another shot, the bass swimming into his senses again. He found it hard to breathe. He remembered the words Sasuke and he had exchanged when he’d insisted Sasuke to return to his studies.

“You will not ruin our family name and everything we’ve been working so hard towards,”

“How could I forget,” Sasuke had said, “As if you care about anything other than that,”

You’re a disgrace to our family, Fugaku had once told Obito. And back then, Obito had hated that his brother only cared about the family reputation. Now, here they were.

The pale scar of Obito’s ring on Sasuke’s face always reminded Obito of how Fugaku had used to do the same to him.

“Shisui,” Obito had snarled to the dying boy, “You’ve ruined everything,

“You poison everything you touch,” Kakashi had told him once.

“You should have died on the road somewhere in a ditch then! Goddammit, why did you come here?” He had said to Shisui

“If only it were that easy,” Fugaku had said to Obito a long, long time ago. “I wouldn’t have hesitated a second before throwing you to the gallows,”

Obito remembered.

He remembered everything.

These days, his brain always felt muddled. But then, why didn’t these wretched memories and words leave his mind? Why did it draw these comparisons which only hurt him? Why couldn’t these words etched into his frontal lobe just disappear?

“Kumicho,” Kei warned again as Obito drained another shot glass.

“Don’t,” he warned the other man. “I don’t have much time anyways,”

Because despite his mind being muddled, he still remembered the past clearly. He remembered the Shimura murder. He remembered Itachi’s death. He remembered Shisui saying Danzo wanted Itachi dead.

The only problem was: Danzo Shimura had disappeared from Konoha a long time ago. He had vanished approximately the same time as Itachi had turned 18 and Obito had officially named him his heir.

Obito wasn’t stupid enough to believe the man would leave his family alone after he disappeared from Konoha.

But the thing was: Danzo wasn’t just gone…he was also dead. Obito had seen it himself. The man was dead. No one from his family now lived after Shisui’s rampage a year ago.

So the question was, if Danzo was dead…who had orchestrated Itachi’s death? And so perfectly, that Obito would know what the murder scene was homage to?

This was the only thing Obito had left to do.

His final task.

His magnum opus.

___________

Chapter Text

You look so pretty, pretty like the sun

I could stand forever while you shine on everyone

• Black Friday (Tom Odell)

_________

As Sasuke watched Hinata delicately sip her mint margarita in front of him, he was once again swept away with how pretty she was. It seemed absurd to him that a year ago, he hadn’t even paid attention to her.

Now, with her long hair and her bangs falling into her face; her pretty porcelain features and her smile as she met his gaze- he couldn’t help but want to lean over and kiss her. It seemed strange to him, how he craved her touch when he had abhorred physical contact for so long.

Hinata must have sensed some of his intensity in his gaze. She blushed. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” he asked, leaning his chin on his hand and letting his heavy lidded eyes take in the image of her.

“Like…” she trailed off, blushing harder.

“I find you very attractive,” he told her, “What’s wrong about that?”

“Liar,” Hinata teased. “You didn’t even notice me before,”

Sasuke let himself smile a little, straightening in his seat. “I may have deliberately ignored you, but I’ve always found you attractive,”

“Since when?” she asked, curious now.

“Our teenage years? You were my sexual awakening, after all,” He said, teasing lilt to his voice, even though his words were true.

Hinata’s lips parting and her blush instantly brought Sasuke back to his time as a teenager, when he had first become aware of her.

__________

2010, Konoha Academy of Science and Arts

Of course, he noticed her.

Sasuke was by no means normal, even at the age of 15. He had always been a solemn child, but the early loss of his family had turned him into a stoic, impassive young man. He considered himself above the childish antics and worries of his peers; like having crushes, feeling pressured into looking or behaving a certain way or morphing their persona into a more likeable one.

But still, he noticed things, however embarrassed he might feel about observing them.

He noticed how his female peers changed as they transitioned from middle school to high school. The changes in their bodies, how their curves grew more prominent, more attractive to his eyes; the way their voices seemed more enticing now that they were older, the way his mind wandered at the flashes of pale skin and-

He might have been more respectful and decent about the whole thing, but at the end of the day, he was just another teenager going through puberty.

Itachi had enjoyed talking to him about it, perhaps too much. He’d cornered him one day, as he was coming back from practice at the shooting range with their uncle. As a rare treat, Obito had driven him home, before leaving for an important business call.

“What’s wrong?” Sasuke had asked, coming to sit on the couch opposite to Itachi. His brother grinned, leaning back against the backrest, causing his black sweatshirt to rise up.

“I need to talk to you about something important,” his brother said, enjoyment on his face. Immediately, Sasuke was suspicious.

“Oh come on,” Izumi’s voice rang out from the kitchen area. Sasuke huffed in annoyance. His brother’s fiancé was never far from where he was.

“Spit it out already,” Sasuke chewed out.

“So I assume you know what sex is-,” Itachi didn’t waste another moment before got to the heart of the matter. Sasuke was momentarily stunned into silence as his brother started ranting about human reproduction and how it was natural to be attracted to girls at his age.

“-or boys for that matter,” Itachi pondered. “Come to think of it, you do spend a lot of time with that blonde classmate of yours,”

That was enough to spring Sasuke into action. “I’m not gay. It’s not my fault that blonde idiot doesn’t stop pestering me. And even if I was gay, Naruto would not make the cut,” he narrowed his eyes. “Secondly, I don’t want to talk about this with you,”

“Why not?” Itachi whined and Sasuke didn’t know which part of the statement he was questioning.

“Because it’s awkward,” Sasuke could feel his face heating up. Besides, they’d already covered this stuff in health class.

“Why is it awkward?” Itachi asked, grin widening, “It’s only natural. I just want you to be safe in case you’re seeing someone-,”

“I’m really not,” Sasuke wanted to finish this conversation as quickly as he could.

“That’s a shame,” Izumi sauntered into the living room with something that suspiciously looked like cocoa. “Me and Itachi were actively trying to populate the family at your age,”

“Izumi!” Sasuke shrieked in embarrassment. “God,”

Itachi laughed as he took a cup of the steaming beverage from her. “Liar,” he teased as Izumi placed the tray on the table in front of them and leaned into his side.

“Oh yeah,” she smiled back, quickly kissing him on the mouth before turning to Sasuke. “Your brother was really nervous about the whole thing,”

“Because it’s normal,” Itachi emphasized, gesturing for Sasuke to grab a cup.

“I don’t need you guys to parent me,” Sasuke frowned, even as he leaned forward to take a cup. Izumi made great hot cocoa. “I know what sex is and I’m not dating anyone so you don’t have to worry,”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you won’t want to date someone later,” Itachi said. “It’s mostly about-,”

“Stop,” Sasuke clenched his eyes in embarrassment. “This conversation is over. I’m not having any…urges, so you can leave me alone,”

Itachi shrugged. “Just doing my job,”

But given his penchant for curves and long hair, pale skin and soft voices, Sasuke was dimly aware of one person who could get him in trouble, regarding certain urges.

He’d always known Hinata was pretty, even if a little weird. She hadn’t changed her wardrobe since middle school. Whereas all the other girls in their class strived to look pretty and show off their attractive features, she still dressed herself in oversized hoodies and loose pants, not befitting her status or her family.

It wasn’t particularly flattering but then again, it had never concerned Sasuke. He was just happy to count her out of his obsessive fans. He observed her following around Naruto, blushing and always stuttering when he gave her some modicum of attention. It was pathetic honestly.

And then there was that damned gym class. It was a required credit and he was looped in with most of the idiots from his homeroom.

“Dodgeball? Again?” Naruto’s voice grated his ears.

“Shut the fuck up,” he reprimanded the blonde idiot. “Your team lost the last time we played,”

“Yeah, because all the bums ended up on my team,” Naruto reminded him, to which Sasuke had to silently agree. Naruto whirled onto their gym teacher, “Which by the way, how does that keep happening?”

“You choose your own teams, Mr. Uzumaki,” the teacher reminded him in a tired voice.

“Right,” Naruto realized.

“That means all your friends are lazy, no goods, just like you,” Sasuke smirked.

“Fuck off Sasuke,” Ino rolled her eyes at him, putting an arm around Shikamaru for moral support. The Nara boy didn’t look like he cared in the slightest.

“Sasuke! Can I be on your team?” Sakura grabbed his arm instantly.

“No,” he deadpanned. Her lip quivered but she didn’t let go of his arm. He sighed. There was no other option.

“Naruto, you can pick first,” he told his classmate. The blonde’s eyes lit up and Sakura’s eyes widened in realization.

“Sakura-chan!” Naruto all but screamed the pink haired girl’s name.

“Dammit Naruto,” Sakura screamed. “Can you leave me alone for once?”

“Literally anyone who’s not these two,” Sasuke called out, pointing towards Naruto and Sakura. Shino quietly walked up to his side.

The teams were decided, when they realized Sasuke’s team was short one person. “Its fine,” Sasuke started; content to start playing with one less person. “We’ll beat you guys anyways,”

“Yeah right,” Naruto returned.

The gym doors slammed open and a lone figure rushed inside. The girl was wearing an appropriately sized T-shirt over shorts that skimmed her knees. Her tube socks and shoes were immaculately neat. Her midnight blue hair was tied in a long ponytail and only looking at her face did Sasuke realize it was Hinata who had rushed in.

She was breathing heavily, her cheeks flushed as she struggled to catch her breath. “Sorry I’m late; I couldn’t find my hoodie,”

Most of the boys in their class were silent, watching in silence. So that’s what was different, Sasuke realized; he was seeing her figure emphasized in the appropriate sized clothing for the first time, without a hoodie covering her.

“Oh, Um, it’s okay,” Naruto stuttered, his cheeks pink. “You’re right on time,”

“Are the teams selected already?” Hinata asked, mildly hopeful as she looked at Naruto.

“You’re on my team,” Sasuke snapped at her, not knowing why he was so irritated and trying his best to stop this strange warmth that was spreading through him the longer he looked at her.

“O-oh,” she said, now looking crestfallen.

Sasuke didn’t remember how the game went; only that he was distracted. Despite his best efforts, his gaze kept going back to Hinata, trying to look out for her. He watched her play and it took heroic efforts not to crowd her against a wall and watch her face flush for him.

He wanted to-

“Dammit,” he groaned when they lost. Naruto had thrown the ball directly at Sasuke’s face. And the worst part was, he’d been too distracted to dodge.

“Loser!” Naruto laughed happily as their team cheered, minus Sakura, who stood berating Naruto for hitting Sasuke in the face.

“A-are you okay?” Hinata’s voice asked, crouched on the floor next to him. “Sasuke-kun?”

Of course she had the perfect voice too, he realized, hearing it so close to himself. “None of your business,” he said, more harshly than he had intended. He sat up, knowing he needed to put as much distance between her and him as he could.

“U-um,”

“Stay away from me,” he stalked off, determined to avoid her as much as he could from now on.

He couldn’t afford to be distracted.

Not in the life he led.

________

That night he awoke, drenched in his own sweat and his heart beating wildly in his chest; except, it wasn’t a nightmare that had woken him.

He’d dreamed of Hinata.

And he was beyond embarrassed to realize he hadn’t minded in the slightest, the things he’d been dreaming of doing.

He groaned. This was going to be the worst.

_______

Chapter Text

Com-comparison, is killing me slowly

I think I think too much

Bout kids who don’t know me,

I’m so sick of myself

I’d rather be, rather be

Anyone, anyone else

• Jealousy, jealousy (Olivia Rodrigo)

________________

Hinata was born into privilege and wealth but that didn’t mean she had grown to love it.

Objectively, she knew how lucky she was to be presented with so many opportunities due to her family and the legacy they had. But sometimes, she didn’t feel so lucky. Sometimes, the duty threatened to suffocate her under the smells of expensive perfumes and the sight of expensive jewelry.

Times like right then.

It was another fundraising ball, thrown by her family. Her father had been elected for the Mayor council 3^rd term in a row, and his pearly smile indicated his happiness as everyone congratulated him. The ball was to raise funds which would be proceeded to the Yamanaka Asylum, which would be spent to improve the conditions of the inmates and the institute overall.

She could see Ino Yamanaka, the 20 year old upcoming heir of her family talk animatedly with someone. Ino looked beautiful. She always did. She was always the center of attention in a party, making her family proud.

Meanwhile Hinata was standing in a corner with a flute of champagne, her wine red strapless gown contrasting sharply with her skin. The red of her lips was the only splash of vivid color on her pale face and the ends of her midnight blue hair strands tickled her neck occasionally when she moved.

She moved her gaze from the Yamanaka heir to another corner of the ballroom, where she spied her sister bickering with someone. Hanabi was only 16, but her energy for arguing was far greater than Hinata’s- so was her wit. Hanabi looked truly like a fire-cracker in her burnt gold dress which just grazed her knees. Hinata had an idea of who she was bickering with.

She was proved right when Konohamaru brought his face closer to her sister’s, as if to enunciate the taunt he was throwing Hanabi’s way. He was only a year older, but his height was more than a foot taller than Hanabi’s. He started smirking.

Hinata used to try to mediate the arguments between them once, but she had realized with no short amount of amusement, that they actually liked arguing. As if they were-

Flirting

The word came to a forefront in her mind as her gaze was pulled away from the youngsters, almost magnetically back to Ino. Hinata wondered why before she realized who Ino was talking- no, flirting- with.

Sasuke looked breathtakingly handsome in his fitted three piece suit, with a wine red handkerchief in his breast pocket which, Hinata realized with a happy jolt, was meant to match with her dress. She had to be here for setting up before the guests arrived, so she had told him she would just see him at the venue.

He was speaking to Ino with an intense look in his eyes.

Hinata felt suddenly, as if she was far away from the ballroom. She objectively looked at Ino and Sasuke, their bodies turned towards each other as they spoke with each other attentively. Ino seemed to be flirting initially but her smile faded as she nodded along to whatever Sasuke was saying. Her lavender dress against his black looked amazing.

Ino smiled again, as Sasuke nodded once again with something so rare: a half-smile.

Hinata’s gut tightened and she realized this emotion for what it was: jealousy. She was familiar with the emotion, she thought as she recalled her high-school days. But she had never felt it regarding Sasuke. She had never had a reason to.

She turned away.

She needed to be better than this. Sasuke cared for her. Hadn’t he showed how much he cared for her, ever since that fateful night? He might not be an open book about his emotions, but he cared for hers. Didn’t he show up every week on their dates with beautiful tokens of affection for her? Didn’t he spend every free moment on campus coordinating their schedules so they could meet?

So what-

“You okay?” someone interrupted.

“Sakura,” she breathed, looking up at the girl whose hand was on her shoulder. The pink-haired girl looked stunning. Her pink hair was in an elaborate up-do and her gown was emerald green, matching her eyes. “I’m fine,”

“You didn’t look fine just now,” Sakura said, eyeing her carefully.

“Ah, just thinking,” she said, forcing a smile. Sakura gave her a knowing look as she turned around too, looking in the direction where Hinata knew Ino and Sasuke were standing.

“I…get it,” Sakura sighed.

Hinata didn’t know if that made her feel better or not. Sakura had been so fiercely in love with Sasuke and she still didn’t feel comfortable discussing this topic with the pink-haired girl. “You look beautiful, Sakura,” Hinata attempted to change the topic.

“Have you guys been having problems lately?” Sakura asked a glint in her eyes.

Hinata smiled. “No, we’re good,”

“Hmm,” Sakura said. “He’s looking a bit too comfortable with her, don’t you think?” she shrugged.

Hinata felt a stab of annoyance. “He can talk to other girls, Sakura,” she told the pink-haired girl. “Enjoy the party,”

Sakura didn’t try to stop her as she walked away, making her way towards Neji. He was standing, talking to Naruto about the recent elections. “Hi guys,” she greeted.

“Hinata,” Naruto said, turning away from whatever Neji was halfway through saying, as he pulled her in for a hug. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” she smiled into the hug before pulling away. “How have you been?”

He sighed dramatically. “You know Granny, she’s running me ragged at the office. Says it builds character in a politician,”

Hinata giggled, imagining him running around in their college summer break. “Too bad. A break would have done you some good,” she commented.

“Looks like it’s doing you the good,” he said, raking his eyes over her. His face shifted into a different expression- something she couldn’t decipher just yet. “You look beautiful Hinata,” he breathed out.

She beamed. No compliment from him would be a lie. “You don’t look so bad yourself,” she grinned, eyes raking over his golden suit jacket and beige slacks. His hair was slicked back and he actually looked so put together.

“So…should I just go away while you two flirt?” Neji asked sarcastically.

Hinata turned away from Naruto to her cousin standing next to him. “You could also become a part of the conversation by complimenting us,”

Neji rolled his eyes, taking a deep gulp of his champagne. “You know you guys look good,” he remarked.

“So what were you guys talking about?” she asked.

Naruto shrugged. “I can’t remember,” he smiled, giving her a look.

Neji glared at him. “You were talking about your goals for the next election terms?” he reminded the blonde.

“Well let’s hope he passes all his courses by then,” a snide voice suggested before Hinata found herself being pulled back into someone with an arm around her waist. She almost shrieked before relaxing, realizing it was Sasuke.

“Hi,” he whispered into her ear before dropping a kiss behind it. She shivered.

“Hello,”

Neji and Naruto were both looking at them with varying degrees of disgust. “Nice to see you too Uchiha,” Neji said, gulping down more champagne.

“Always a pleasure Hyuga,” Sasuke returned.

“You worry about my political career now?” Naruto jibed.

Sasuke scoffed. “Someone has to since they’re letting anyone who can write their name into politics,”

“Still more than what you’re capable of,” Naruto taunted back.

“Sasuke, should we go meet my father now?” Hinata suggested, before things could escalate between the two young men further.

He stilled. Then he nodded, turning her around to look at her. He looked as he always did- serious and put together- the complete opposite of Naruto. Except for the warmer-than-usual look he had in his eyes whenever he looked at Hinata.

“I hope you’ll see him with more decorum than right now,” Neji suggested, referring to Sasuke’s public displays of affection.

“Don’t worry. He’ll get used to the idea that I’m marrying his daughter. Since he’s the one who arranged it,” Sasuke told the men behind him. “Let’s go,”

Hinata followed him, all the while his voice echoed in her head.

Since he’s the one who arranged it

She couldn’t stop picturing Sasuke with Ino instead.

____________

Chapter Text

Wanna be your setting lotion

Hold your hand, deep devotion

At least as deep as the pacific ocean

I wanna be yours

• ­I wanna be yours (Arctic monkeys)

___________

Sasuke had hated formal events even when he hadn’t had better things to do with his life. And now that there were an infinitely large amount of things he would rather be doing, like shooting someone else or himself in the head, parties were a huge drag.

God, he thought, I’m starting to sound like Shikamaru.

He’d seen the political science major milling about somewhere before he had caught sight of Ino and had gone over to talk about important matters regarding the asylum…matters like his late cousin’s belongings being transferred to their estate.

He tried to zone into whatever Hiashi was telling everyone in the speech while simultaneously taking another sip of champagne. Well, at least the drinks were free.

“Hey,” he said, leaning over from his seat towards his girlfriend, who was uncharacteristically quiet. “Are you okay?”

She blinked, seeming to break out of her own thoughts. “I’m okay,” she told him, a faint smile taking over her face.

Sasuke raised his eyebrows. Yeah right.

His job description included lying, scheming and manipulating along with a side of the occasional murder. He was qualified enough to know when something was wrong with the girl who was the sole reason for his attendance today.

Even still, he let the matter slide. He could talk to her when this ball was over. He sat up straight again, surveying everyone at their table. Every family was assigned a table, but since Sasuke didn’t exactly have anyone to show up except his uncle, who had opted out of the event, he was mercifully seated at the Hyuga table.

Hinata was sitting to his right, one of his hands holding the champagne class and the other around her shoulders. To his left was Hanabi, who was intently listening to her father’s speech. Neji was sitting next to Hinata and the final seat was empty, void of the Hyuga head that was currently making a speech.

All three Hyuga protégés were listening to the words of Hiashi with a careful manner. Sasuke almost rolled his eyes.

His gaze fell on a nearby table, which was undoubtedly dedicated to the Sarutobi table. Detective Sarutobi was sitting with his wife, who was a political science teacher in Konoha University. Sasuke had seen her when he’d gone to wait outside of Hinata’s classes a few times. There were a few other dark headed members. He also spied the Sarutobi boy, looking over at their table.

Staring at Hanabi.

Hm. Interesting.

He caught the boy’s eye and he looked away, flushing red. Sasuke smirked.

There was only the matter of dinner left, after some dancing and then they would be free to go home. He would ask Hinata if she wanted to go out for ice-cream and then drop her off before going home to Obito and maybe watching a movie.

Everyone started clapping and he jerked back into reality.

“It’s time for dancing,” Hanabi groaned. “Great,”

“Haven’t you been learning to dance ever since you were a brat?” Sasuke asked. “Oh wait…you still are one,”

“You’re a riot Sasuke,” Hanabi glowered.

“Hanabi,” Hinata admonished. “Be nice,”

“Did you not hear him?” she whined. “He called me a brat,”

“Because you are one,” Sasuke smirked, moving to ruffle his hand through Hanabi’s hair. She reared back.

“Don’t you dare!” she screeched. “I might actually kill you if ruing my hair again,”

He huffed out a chuckle. He had always known being a younger sibling. Being the older one for a change was fun.

“Hanabi, go socialize for God’s sake,” Neji groaned, getting up from the chair to leave. “Dance with someone tonight,”

“How much longer till dinner?” Hanabi asked instead, watching Neji go. Hinata shook her head in disappointment. “Don’t pretend like you all aren’t hungry,”

“From all the champagne Neji drank tonight, I’m surprised he’s not throwing up,” Sasuke remarked.

“I’ll see if he’s okay,” Hinata said, looking worried as Neji stumbled slightly on nothing. Sasuke watched her go after her cousin, steadying him and it looked like she offered to dance with him too. Looks like someone hated parties as much as Sasuke did.

“Great. Hinata’s gone too. No one’s going to ask us to dance,” Hanabi said, looking annoyed and defeated.

Sasuke was thinking about Hinata, who was definitely avoiding speaking to him. “Do you want to dance?” he asked Hanabi, making his game-plan for cornering Hinata later.

Hanabi considered his offer. Then she shrugged as if to say might as well.

________

The dancing was over and he still hadn’t gotten a hold of Hinata. After the dance with Hanabi, he had pawned her off to the Sarutobi kid, who was definitely glaring holes into Sasuke’s back. Then, he danced with Ino when she asked, looking around for Hinata but not finding her and his last dance was a short one with Shikamaru’s mom who cornered him abruptly.

“Sasuke, do you want to dance?”

He swept his gaze away from the hall, looking for midnight blue hair, to look at the familiar voice addressing him. “Sakura,” he acknowledged. “I didn’t know you were attending,”

“Ino invited me,” she smiled.

“Okay,” he said. “Have you seen-,”

“Do you want to dance?” she cut him off, looking at him hopefully. Sasuke paused. Her eyes had that hopeful glint in them again, like last year-

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said firmly. “Anyways it’s almost dinner time,”

He made to move, to look outside for Hinata, when Sakura grabbed his arm. “There’s still time,” Sakura said. “Won’t you dance with an old friend?”

He gently pried his arm away. “I need to look for Hinata,”

He didn’t look back as he walked away, even though he could feel Sakura’s gaze still at his back. He sighed. This was becoming annoying really fast.

For an autumn night, it was very chilly outside. Sasuke felt thankful for his suit jacket. He headed for the lawn to take a deep breath and then to try and call Hinata. He had just gone inside the lawn when he spotted her, sitting in a corner of the lawn.

He walked over in silence, taking a seat next to her. She was sitting with her feet on the bench, her head on her knees, face buried in them. “Hey,”

Hinata sat upright so fast, Sasuke actually reached a hand to steady her. “Sasuke,” she sounded surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t find you inside so I was looking for you,”

Hinata looked ashamed. “I’m sorry for making you worry,”

He sighed. “It’s okay. Are you not feeling okay?” he asked, taking off his suit jacket to put it around her bare shoulders.

“Just overwhelmed,” she said, leaning into the warmth of his jacket and wrapping it tighter around herself.

“I can take you home,” he offered. She shook her head meekly.

“Father won’t be pleased,”

He scoffed. “I don’t care about him. Come on, let’s go. I’m just about an inch away from drawing my gun in there and shooting someone,”

Hinata smiled a little. “And if he decides to punish me by grounding me from our date?” she asked.

“Then I’ll remind him of our agreement,” he said, smiling slightly, putting his arm around her.

“Which is?” she asked.

“That you’re mine,” he said, all traces of the smile vanishing, as he looked at her- into her eyes. Hinata shivered and he couldn’t tell if it was from the cold.

“Let’s go,” she agreed. “But not my house,”

Sasuke tightened his grip.

___________