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Chapter Text

Rolling the stable door open and turning the lights on I am met with the horse’s heads looking at me from their box doors. Stepping into the feed room I pick up the morning feeds and start tipping them into the feeders. The chewing of the horses fills the shed as I unlock the gear room and grab the key to the bike.

Throwing the hay and feeds out for the paddocked horses I get to watch as the sun rises, and the paddocks get light up slowly.

Back to the stables, I start saddling up Atticus, my first horse of the morning. The radio plays in the background, the music filling the quiet of the stable. This is the time that I enjoy the most, the time before all the students start flooding the campus. Leading Atticus out to the arena I glance back to see some of the teachers arriving. Getting on I start my warming up, beginning my workday.

4 horses worked later I take a break, putting the worked horses out into their day yards. Finally getting a chance to sit down I open my computer to check my emails and messages from the stable webpage.

“Update required on …” Send that later. Horse is fine.

“Feed change for …” Again, really?

“… entered … competition for… in the …” That’s too high for that rider.

“Feed delivery arriving on … at … This delivery includes …” Good. I was running low on that.

“Farrier came to see … Please pay invoice.” Send to owner.

Email after email passes the screen as I field them from most urgent to ‘they can wait’. Wow. Some of these owner’s get a bit overwhelming.

“Gosh, she’s not even here. I don’t know why we even bother paying her for anything.” Whispers leak through the door from the walkway. The hushed sounds can only mean that students have begun to filter down to the stables before their first lesson. Most of the girls only come down in the morning to take photos so they can post them to their social media to make it seem like they are do something. But they are just all money, fancy expensive show gear, and top-level horses that they can’t ride. Then they board the horse and make someone else do all the work. That person being me, taking all the blame if they think something is wrong.

I don’t even bother to go outside to acknowledge the girls. They’ll only give me dirty looks and sneer at my messy clothing. You try to stay clean when around horses. At least they aren’t as bad as the girls back home.

Their voices fade away again as I get up off my chair, eyes starting to strain from trying to translate everything I see. The school bell rings throughout the stables just as I receive a message. Sighing, I pull my phone out of my pocket and read the text.

Great, now the principle needs me. Rolling my eyes, I start my way around the back of the school to the offices.

I’m greeted by the kind smile of the receptionist as I walk through the double doors of the front of the school. “Hi Miss Kimura, I got a message from Mr Hayashi about wanting to speak with me.”

“Oh yes, he is in his office waiting for you.” She can obviously see the worry on my face as her gaze softens further. “Don’t worry, you’re not in trouble. You know that he really likes having you around.”

“Thanks Miss Kimura.”

I step up to the office door and give it a quick knock. Hearing Mr Hayashi’s voice from inside I enter and take a seat at his desk.

“Miss Carpenter, good to see you again. Thank you for coming up so quickly.” Mr Hayashi’s voice is slightly rough, but his eyes are soft as he looks at me from across the desk. “I wanted to check in with you and see how you are going now that the school term has set in.”

“It’s been a little different having the other students on campus, but I haven’t really had any trouble.” I decide to not mention the rude students, I can handle them myself. “I’m not having any trouble with the schoolwork, it’s actually nice to have something else to do if I’m being honest.”

The principal just watches me for a moment, he almost seems to toss a few things round in his mind before opening his mouth again to speak. “I’m glad that everything is going well. If you have nothing else that you need from me, I just have a few things that you need to read over and sign before you head back to the stables.”

“I’m sure I can do that.” I smile at him as we both get up from our chairs. He makes his way around the desk and out the door, getting a packet from Miss Kimura on the way past.

“You can use this room here to finish everything, you won’t be disturbed whilst classes are in session.” Placing the packet on the table along with a pen he makes his way back out of the room. Silence envelopes the room after the door closes as I sit in the chair and start looking at the paperwork.

Half an hour later all the papers are completed and signed. I am so glad that they translated it into English for me, it would have taken 3 times as long if I had to do it all in Japanese. 

“Thanks Miss Kimura, is it alright if I leave these papers with you?”

Miss Kimura looks up at me over her computer screen. “Sure thing, sweetheart. And, so you know, the bell is about to ring so the halls are going to be crowded.”

“Okay, thank you.” Great, just what I need, hallways filled with uptight teenagers.

The bell rings just as I step out of the office, seconds later the door to the classrooms slide open and students start to enter the hallway. And with just my luck, I must exit through the back doors to get back to the stables.

I get weird looks as I pass by students, either for looking like a foreigner (I am) or for not being in the stuck-up school uniform (breeches are more comfortable anyway). As I get closer to the centre of the school the halls become so crowded that I have to start pushing my way through, which only gets me more strange looks.

Just as I am about to push past another student they step out of the way and scamper off to the wall. Glancing around I notice that all the bodies that were pushing against each other trying to get to their next class are now pushed up against the wall of the hallway leaving the middle completely clear. Looking up the now clear walkway I can now see a cluster of tall bodies making their way through the cleared passage. Great, they seriously do this for the populars. Rolling my eyes, I continue down the now unobstructed hallway, as I get closer the figures get clearer. The boys are dressed in the standard uniform, nothing really stands out as the reasoning behind their popularity. The only thing a bit different about the ones I can see is that they are tall by Japanese standards, and they appear to be fit. As I get closer the olive haired one at the front makes eye contact with me, holding it until I walk right through the middle of their little group not missing a beat. I’m not going to let a group of rich jocks make me back down, not again. Keeping my eyes forward I get through their group and finally make my way back to the stables, sitting down to do my schoolwork.

What I didn’t notice was the soft curious gazes of said rich jocks following me as I pass by them without a care before they share small smiles with each other as they walk off again.

Chapter Text

As the final bell of the day rings, I get up out of my chair and stretch. About now, there are hundreds of students leaving their classes, some will be going home but the rest will be heading to their afterschool clubs. These clubs are a problem, they are the reason I get up early to work most of the horses before school. The sports teams have their fields near the arena, and they run through the path in the bush area at the back of the school. There were problems over the summer and start of the school year where the players would deliberately kick the balls in my direction while I was working a horse. On one occasion they even hit us, causing the horse to throw me off. So now I avoid doing too much when the students are around, I’m not going to let a horse get hurt for their entertainment.

I step out into the breezeway and start cleaning out the stables from this morning. Picking up the manure and flipping the bedding to remove the urine, refilling the hay, and checking all the waters. The next thing to do are the feeds and putting them into the respective horse’s stable.

By this time, it is starting to get late. Most of the other students would be heading home or back to the dorms. I make my way outside to start bringing horses in. Putting the first halter on I see movement on the running track. Glancing over I watch as a team of boys go running past, on closer inspection I see that they include the group that I had passed in the hall.

Well at least that gives a bit more reasoning for the other student’s behaviours. They must be some big hot shots in their sport. Whatever that is. By the way they are moving they obviously know what they are doing.

I keep an eye on them as I bring in all the horses. They consistently run the whole time before stepping to the side and meeting up with who appears to be their coach. I can’t tell from this distance, but it looks like the olive haired boy might be the captain, he is at least the most stoic. A conversation happens before they seem to be dismissed by the coach, a boy with red spikey hair looks in my direction. Seeming to notice me looking he nudges a few of the others around him, they all turn in my direction as the red-head waves. A few seem to be talking to each other as I look away, brining my focus back to the horses.

I don’t notice the boys when I head back out for the final horse. Assuming they have gone to change and go home I don’t think much on it. Conducting my final checks, I turn the main lights off for the barn, the stables each keep their lights on that will automatically shut off later. Locking the office, tack room and feed room I am finally finished for the day and grab my things to head back to my dorm.

Closing the main doors behind me I jump as I hear footsteps approach me from behind. Spinning around I am met with one of the boys from the team I saw earlier.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He says, taking a step back from me, almost shocked at my reaction. The outside lights illuminate him better, his light blond hair casting a shadow over his face momentarily.

“Well don’t sneak up on a girl like that. You’re lucky I didn’t hit you.” His eyes widen at my statement. I bet he didn’t believe that a person would do that. “Now, can I help you with something? Surely there is a reason you walked all the way down here.”

“To be honest, I’m not really sure why I am here. My team and I saw you watching us before and I guess I got curious. Most girls don’t act the way you do to us.” He pauses, almost thinking over what he is going to say next. “They, um, mainly just scream at us.”

Is this guy serious. Does he think they are some sort of celebrity. “So, what, I interest you because I don’t fall at your feet out of amazement?” My voice spikes. I don’t like him being here. I’m too exposed! “Just leave me alone, please. I already have enough trouble; I don’t need you fan club as well.”

I bump shoulders with him as I pass, knocking him off balance. It seems to have the right effect, surprising him enough that he doesn’t follow me. Quickly walking to the dorms, I keep an ear out for anyone following me. The darkness and lack of lights unnerve me, the feeling that something is hiding in the shadows closing in around me. I need to get back to my room, I’m safe in my room. Close the door and no one can get in.

The living area get lit up by a flick of a switch, a glance around proves that I am alone, that I am safe. Spinning around I check the lock again before moving to close all of the curtains.

“You’re ok. You’re safe. He didn’t touch you. No one will touch you again.” The mummering fills the silence of the dorm. Taking a breath, I step into my small kitchen and start to make dinner for myself. As I sit down to eat, I think back to the boy at the stables. Did I go too far? I was quite rude to him, but I really don’t know how to handle others since I moved. Japan is so different from home in Australia, and given what I went through before I left, I really don’t know what I am doing.

I head off to bed, checking the door one more time, after removing my braces and taking my meds I settle under the covers. Setting my phone with the alarm set on the bedside table I allow the exhaustion of the day take over and drift off to sleep. I just hope I don’t have to put up with those boys again tomorrow.

_*_*_*_

I guess my wish came true. Over the next few weeks, I managed to avoid whoever that team is. I know that they watch me on occasion, I can feel their eyes on me when I am with the horses sometimes. But luckily, they don’t approach me again. Hopefully I scared the silver haired one enough that they will leave me alone.

But eventually my luck had to run out. 2 weeks after my run in with the sports team I am called to the main school again. Walking through the halls I think that it is just another check in, but as I step through the door into the office, I know that this isn’t a regular check in. Sitting in the seats are the coach and olive haired boy from the team, whatever team they are.

Looking up at Mr Hayashi I try to ignore the others in the room, hopefully they aren’t here for me.

“Hi, Mr Hayashi. Sorry for just walking in, I didn’t know you were in a meeting.” Mr Hayashi’s eyes flick up to me as a smile spreads on his lips.

“That’s ok, Miss Carpenter. They actually wanted to talk to you. It seems you have caught the eye of the volleyball team.” So that’s what they play. No wonder they are all tall.

“Not to be rude, but why would they want to talk to me. I look after the horses, that’s it.”

The coach seems taken aback by my bluntness as he responds. “You should learn some respect for your elder young lady. I don’t know what is acceptable where you grew up, but that behaviour is not ok here at Shiratorizawa.”

I can’t help but let my jaw drop at the man’s words. Is he for real? Who the hell does he think he is talking to me like that? I am about to retort with my full thoughts when the principle cuts me off.

“Actually, Miss Carpenter is not being rude. I gave her permission to speak her mind at all times.” I look back to the coach with a smug smile on my face. “Now Miss Carpenter, they are actually here to ask you something. This is Captain Ushijima.”

The olive haired boy stands and turns towards me. Instinctively, I step back as his height makes him tower above me. He is an imposing boy, no man. I can’t really call him a boy; his broad shoulder and height are enough to call him a fully grown man.

Seeming to notice my discomfort he also takes a step back before speaking. “My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi. I would like to ask you on behalf of the Shiratorizawa Volleyball team to be our team manager.”

…

What the F*CK! 

Chapter Text

My mind goes blank for a few seconds. This is a joke, right? I have no idea who this person in front of me is or anything about their sport, surely, they aren’t actually asking me to be their manager.
“I’m sorry, I think I may have misheard you. Could you please repeat that.” Confusion is clear in my voice as I glance towards the principal before focusing back on the young man in front of me.
“The volleyball club would like you to be our manager.” Ok, so I did hear him correctly.
A nervous laughter breaches my lips before I can stop it. My eyes widen as I raise my hand to cover my mouth. Ushijima’s face stays blank but his eyes widen ever so slightly, surprise showing within them. We hold eye contact for a few more moments, unsure how to go from here.
“Why …? I have no idea who you are. What makes you think I would just become your manager like that?” This really doesn’t make sense.
I glance towards the coach still sitting in his chair. He doesn’t appear to hold much of an opinion towards me, towards the situation we are currently in. His face is blank, and he doesn’t even look in my direction, it seems as if he is only here as a formality not with actual interest. My attention snaps back to Ushijima as he starts to speak again.
“The team and I … we noticed some things about you.” Well, that’s not creepy. “You don’t act the same way as other students do. Towards us that is. And we are in need of a manager, you appear to have a good eye for detail and planning. So, we all talked and agreed on asking you to be our manager.”
This guy cannot be serious. The only reason they are interested in me as a manager is because I don’t fall at their feet like they are gods. How mighty do you have to be to think like that, to just expect people to fawn over you and all you do.
I take a breath, thinking about what I am going to say next. I have to be careful here, if I say the wrong thing, use the wrong tone towards this guy, he seems to be in a position to remove me from my position here. And I really can’t afford to lose this, I have no where else to go, no other income, no way of getting an education. I have to be really careful about what I do now. Turning to the principle again I make sure he is listening to me before speaking. I’m not sure how long I have been thinking for.
“Sir, may I speak freely with no fear of repercussions?” The room becomes tense at the words. The men’s eyes locking onto me, their weight heavy. The principle appears shocked at my request, eyes wide and face lax. Seeming to come to his senses he blinks, focusing back on me.
“You may speak your mind. You will not get into trouble for anything you do or say. Our agreement holds up in this situation as well.”
“Ok, good. Then … no.” The words fall out of my mouth with no emotion, just words nothing else. I was not going to add anything that wasn’t needed. Plain and simple, I was not interested. Especially not the way that I have been approached about this. The principles face drops again, eyes focused on me alone. The coach’s eyes harden and his face sours, keeping his focus on me he seems to think about saying something before pausing again. Ushijima stays quiet, his eyes never leaving me for a moment. “And if that is all that you need, I will take my leave. I have work to do.”
With a slight bow, I turn and make my way to the door. I hear a chair squeak slightly and can only guess that the coach has turned towards the principal to address my behaviour. My hand meets the door handle just as his voice starts to berate the principal with demands and questions, most in a negative view about me, not allowing time for a reply.
Opening the door reveals a crowd of boys standing in the receptionist area. Their heads turn towards the door as their coach’s voice fills the room, quieting with the click of the closing door. The silence continues as I cast my eyes over the group of boys, making sure to look at all of them, I realise that some are blocking the way to the door. I take a step in the direction of the exit but none of the boys make a move to get out of the way.
Eyes lock onto me with the movement, scanning me from head to toe. I don’t know what they are looking for, but I hope they won’t find it. One of the players step forwards, he lowers his head in my direction, spiky red hair catching my eye at the movement.
“So …” He drags out the syllable. “Are you going to do it?”
I don’t look away from him for a moment, keeping complete eye contact. I can hear the other boys shifting around, waiting to hear my response. Taking a breath, I step forward into the red-head’s space, looking up to keep eye contact.
“Shove it up your fucking ass, you pretentious asshole.” The whole room freezes. The redhead’s eyes widen, and his face goes lax. He seems to take a moment to gather his thoughts, but I am sick of being here, surrounded by strangers. “Now move, I have work to do.”
The shock seems to be enough to get them to move as they all take a step away from me, clearing my path to the door. Taking advantage of their brains catching up I move towards the door and leave, none of them making a sound. Moving through the hallway I get away as fast as I can, not wanting to be near the group of imposing males.

Arriving back at the stables everything seems to catch up with me. I go over everything as I start my afternoon duties. That team really thought it would be appropriate to corner me in a ‘meeting’ with the principle to ask, almost force, me to be their manager. Is this normal in Japan? Surely it isn’t, that isn’t ok. Why would I even want to be their manager, just because I don’t act like they are sent from the Gods.
Closing the barn doors at the end of the day I keep an eye out for any of the team hanging around. Luckily, they seem to have taken my words to heart and are leaving me alone. At least for now, I’m not making that mistake again.

Chapter Text

I had a quiet few days, the volleyball team were leaving me alone for the most part. I could see them training on the fields at the end of the day, but they had not approached me again. I had also not heard anything from the principal; fortunately, as I do not know how I would react to being cornered like that again.
A week after the confrontation I received an email from the volleyball department. I try to ignore it as I make my way through my day. But it haunts me, waiting in my inbox for me to give it the attention it wants. After completing all my tasks for the day, I sit down again, opening the email, it’s words filling the screen.
“Miss Isabella Carpenter,

We are sending you this correspondence regarding the meeting from last week.
The volleyball team in its entirety are apologetic about the way in which the situation was handled and would like to extent their remorse for their actions. We have agreed that, if you wish, the team will leave you be and no longer contact you.
In saying this, we would like to extend an invitation to you to join our team in any capacity you feel comfortable with.

Regards
The Shiratorizawa Men’s Volleyball Team”
“Apologetic”? Didn’t think those boys could be apologetic. But at least it is something.
Their title intrigues me though. Opening the web browser, I type it into the search bar. Article after article lines the screen, each heading detailing the achievements of the team. Just from skimming the ones on the first page I can tell that they have been highly decorated for years now. Opening a few of the more interesting articles I get to reading.
Stories of these boys draw me in, time passes without me knowing as I learn more about the team trying so hard to get my attention. Their local wins paint them as heroes, young men with the skills to go pro; their national level loses show the cracks, the struggles of the sport. It’s crazy how different the story is between wins and loses are portrayed. After finishing the sixth article I glance at the time, it’s getting late, so I decide to leave my research for tomorrow and close my computer. After cleaning up my desk I lock up the stables and start up the walkways to my dorm.
The silence of the night both soothes me and makes me anxious. Some lights are still on in windows as I walk along but for the most part the campus is dark. The silence allows my thoughts to run their course.
I can’t decide what to do about this team. The only interactions I have had with them have not been good, but I get the feeling that the school puts them on an almost impossibly high podium, holding expectations of them that are challenging to meet. The one that found me at the stables seemed like he was actually nice, he just didn’t approach me in the right way. Maybe I have been to harsh on them, I didn’t give them a chance to actually talk to me, I saw what I thought I knew and took it as fact.
Pulling out my phone I open the school’s sports program, scanning through all the sports clubs I find the men’s volleyball team. Opening the link, I see a banner at the top of the page. The words “All practices are closed to spectators” sit in bold, drawing one’s attention as soon as the document loads. Scrolling down brings me to the team’s timetable and a list of all the members, photos beside each of their names. Seeing that they will be in one of the gyms tomorrow I decide to plan my day out so that I can watch their practice. If I can get to know the team better without having to interact with them too much, I should be able to better decide if I want to work with them.

_*_*_*_

By the time the final bell rang for the day I had completed all the important tasks I wanted to get done. Stepping out into the cool air I wander my way up to the volleyball gym. There is no sound coming from inside yet, so I take the chance to get in and find a spot to, hopefully, not be spotted. Just as I sit down a side door opens, a man walks in heading towards the benches at the side of the court. I watch as he places some things down, organising them before straightening back up. His eyes scan the room, missing me initially but doubling back to lock onto me. I realise in that moment that the man is Captain Ushijima and he just found me.
He takes a glance towards the door he came through and slowly starts to walk in my direction. I watch for a moment before I make a move to get up.
“Wait, please.” His voice travels up to me, the gruffness is softened from when I last heard it. I must have hesitated as when I look to him again, he is closer, almost right in front of me. “Please don’t leave.”
“I don’t want to talk, I’ll just leave.”
“You don’t have to leave.” The words are rushed as his body rocks in my direction. He takes a pause before folding at the hips. “I am very sorry for my actions the last time we met. I realise now that we did not approach the meeting properly.”
“Stand up, I don’t need you to bow to me. I was hoping that no one would notice me.” He straightens up, a confused look on his face. I decide to answer his question before he gets a chance to ask it. “I wanted to see what you lot were about before I committed to anything. I was hoping no one would notice me so I wouldn’t have to talk to you.”
“Well … if you would like to stay and watch I can tell the boys to leave you alone. But only if you want, I-WE don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” His eyes lower to the floor as he speaks. He almost seems to be trying to make himself appear less intimidating, but even standing lower than me on the stairs I can tell that he is huge; tall and broad, an imposing figure.
“Are you sure that they won’t bother me. You don’t have the best track record for that.” I hold eye contact, ensuring that he hears my words. “Not a word, I get to make up my mind in my own time. Deal?”
His eyes pierce through me as he listens, taking in every word. “Deal.” Sounds start to make their way through the door to us. Seems like the rest of the team are on their way. Surely they must be late by now. “I’ll go tell the team. Please, make yourself comfortable, our practices tend to run quite long. And if you have any questions, you are free to ask anyone you feel comfortable with.”
He steps back down the stairs and towards the door just as the voices of the rest of the team get louder and the door cracks open. I move back to my place in the corner I watch as Ushijima speaks with his team. A few cast their gazes in my direction before all simultaneously snapping back to Ushijima. Looks like the team respect him a lot if they listen to him so easily.
As time goes on, they move through their warmups and into practice. In no time they are all sweating and taking regular water breaks. At no time does even one of them look in my direction, all taking their captains words as law. Once they start their cool downs, 2 hours later, I get up and leave, heading back down to finish the horses.

Attending the volleyball practice becomes a part of my normal routine. Each passing day I learn more about the team, linking names to faces to personalities. The younger members have high respect for the seniors, but the seniors to not look down on them. I also take the chance to learn more about the sport, the rules, positions, and some tactics. I’m certainly not an expert but it is all starting to make sense.

Chapter Text

During one of their breaks, I watch as Ushijima has a conversation with the only first year on the team. They both glance up at me multiple times before Ushijima climbs the stairs and stands in front of me, one row down. His shoulders hunch as he lowers himself onto a knee resting on the seat, he looks almost small like this. I stay silent as he thinks for a moment, opening his mouth to speak then frowning and closing it again. With a small nod he comes to a decision.
“Please tell me if I am crossing the line.” His eyes flick up to mine and hold my gaze. “A member of the team, Goshki, would like to talk with you. No expectations to become a part of the team.”
I keep his gaze for a moment longer before searching for Goshki on the court. Just as I find him, he snaps his head away, rejoining a conversation with the other players around him. Studying him for a moment, I think over my options. He seems nice enough that I’m not worried about being around him, but if I start talking with him the rest of the team may take that as an invitation for themselves.
“Fine, I’ll have a talk with him. But no talk of me being manager and it’s on my terms.” His face relaxes. Movement on the court catches my eye, the break must be over. “And this isn’t an invitation to the rest of the team. Just Goshki. I’ll let you know when I’m ready for the rest.”
He gives me a nod. “Sounds good. If he gives you any trouble you can tell him to stop, he’ll listen. Same for any of the others.”
Sitting through the rest of practice I can’t help but worry about what Goshki is going to do. I’ve really opened myself up to danger here, we’ll be alone, who knows what’s going to happen. The whisle sounding and the rush of footsteps out the door breaks me from my thoughts, signalling the impending interaction.
_*_*_*_

For the first time I’m waiting for the volleyball team to come out of the locker room after practice. Usually, I am long gone by now, leaving any potential for conversation well behind me, fearful of what it may bring. But here I am, standing within sight of the door, waiting for Goshki to exit, hoping he will be the first.
Glancing up, the external door to the locker room swings open. I hold my breath waiting to see who is about the step out. Time almost slows as a body comes into view and it takes me a moment to recognise who it is. It seems that I am in luck as Goshki is the one to step towards me, his gaze facing the ground, too nervous to meet mine.
“Miss Carpenter t-thank you for agreeing to speak with m-me.” His words are rushed and hard to understand, my Japanese not quite good enough to easily understand. “W-we can go somewhere else, wherever you feel comfortable. I-I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
In the moment it takes me to answer he shrinks into himself, quite a feat for someone so tall. “How about the stables, I need to start the horses anyway.”
A nod is the only response I get before we move off in the direction of the stables. A glance back to the door greets me with a face peeking out around the door. From the hair alone I can tell that it’s Semi. He gives me a quick thumbs up before stepping back inside and closing the door. Well at least they don’t seem to be trying to follow us.

The walk down to the stables is silent and awkward. Our arrival is greeted by the horses in the upper paddocks calling for their dinners. Goshki follows me as I open the main doors and grab the first lot of feed to place into the stables. I’m expecting him to start the conversation but a glance towards him tells me everything I need to know. He is absolutely terrified.
“You’re the one that wanted to talk to me, so what can I do for you?” His body jolts, focus snapping up at my voice.
“U-um yeah, sorry Miss Carpenter. I’m-I’m not very good at this.” He starts to fidget with his hands, gaze darting all over the place. He stumbles over his next words until they are nonidentifiable.
Without speaking, I hold a handful of buckets out towards him. His hands react immediately taking them from my grasp. He follows me as I start tipping the feeds into the stables.
“I … I don’t have any true friends here, and certainly no girls who want to talk to me for me. All anyone wants when they talk to me is an in with the team, a way to get popular, get close to one of my teammates. I just was hoping, with how you don’t react to us the way the other students do, that I could have someone outside of the team to talk with, as me.”
I’m silent as I finish off the last stable and think it over. Goshki shifts on his feet, the stack of buckets in his hands. I can feel the awkwardness rolling off him, his fidgeting only increases the longer that I am quiet. He takes a breath in and opens his mouth to speak but I beat him to it.
“Wow. Aren’t we a pair.” Confusion takes over his expression. I turn until I am fully facing him, tilting my head up to meet his eyes. “Did you use that because you knew that I don’t have anyone either? You have your team; I have the horses. The difference is that you got popular, I get called a freak or a servant.”
My words seem to shock him, eyes widening. I ignore him for the moment, letting him have a chance to think it over. He’s the first person that I have told of the treatment that I get from the riders here, I’m not sure what I think of that fact, that I have not felt comfortable around anyone here. But I guess that if I am thinking of joining the team, I want to know how they will react to the others student’s treatment of me.
“Well, that got a bit depressing.” My statement snaps his back into focus. “I guess I wouldn’t mind having a friend. And please, call me Bella.” I give him a small smile before taking the buckets, stepping around him to put them back in the feed room. “So, how comfortable are you with horses?”

Chapter Text

Surprisingly Goshki was actually alright with the horses. He helped bring in a few of the quieter ones and walked with me every time I went out for another. But the final time out he was starting to get a bit tired, doing that much walking after his intense training must have been gruelling on his legs. Glancing up at the setting sun I realise just how much of his evening I have taken up, he has to be missing out on study or rest time. Although, it was nice to have an actual human to talk to while doing the horses, someone who could respond with actual words.
“Sorry, I’m probably keeping you from more important things.” I duck my face away from him, embarrassed about my behaviour.
“No, I asked you to talk. Plus, I’m kind of avoiding doing the homework I have, one day won’t make a difference.” We both huff a laugh at his comment. “Plus, the team is having a study session tomorrow instead of training for our day off.”
“That’s good, you said that you have to keep your grades up to stay on the team. I’m sure it’s hard at a school like this.”
“Yeah, some of my classes aren’t easy but the teachers are a bit more lenient for athletes due to our schedules.” By this time, I have locked up and we are walking up to the student dorms. “Wait, are you not a student? Where do you study then?”
“Oh, I’m a student, just not at Shiratorizawa. I take online classes; I moved here from Australia and my Japanese isn’t good enough to study at a Japanese school. So, I just work on my schooling around my job here.”
“Oh, that must be pretty cool, not having to worry about teachers being in person.” He takes a pause, head tilting to one side. “If that makes sense.”
“Don’t worry, I think I get what you are trying to say.” We both laugh as we step around the edge of the student housing building. “And this is where we part.”
Goshki glances around before realisation crosses his face. He gives a small nod before turning to face me. Folding at the hips he bows to me. “Thank you for speaking with me. I am grateful for your time.” I shake my head as he straightens back up.
“Please, in the future, don’t bow to me. Just use your words.” I give him a smile, that he returns. “I might see you at your next training.”
A final nod to each other and we split ways.

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

For days the same routine continued, after a day at the stables I would watch the boys’ volleyball practice, all their normal court trainings and their practice matches, I’m sitting in my little corner if the stands. Some days Goshki helps me with the horses after practice, chatting about anything and everything. He’d tell me about the student happenings, what he is learning, and answering my questions about volleyball.
A few weeks after our initial talk, I get the courage to start a new topic with Goshki.
“Um Goshki,” His head whips towards me from the other side of the stable walkway. “Has the team said anything to you about me?”
He takes a moment to think before moving to face me completely. “Not outright. They have asked if you are alright and about how you and I are getting on, but they aren’t asking too many questions.” He pauses for a moment before his shoulders hunch slightly. “Is that ok?”
“Uh … yeah. I guess that isn’t too much.” I take a moment to collect my thoughts while closing the stable.
I don’t really know how I want to continue my relationship with the team. I’m really enjoying my time with Goshki and want to get to know the rest of the team, but I don’t know if I can. My mind is telling me that I can’t trust anyone, that if I join the team I will just get broken down again. I can’t go through that heartbreak again. It almost ended me last time, sent me away from my family, my friends, to a different country.
I must have zoned out as I snap back to attention with a pressure on my shoulder. Jumping away I bring my focus up towards the figure in front of me. It takes me a moment to recognise Goshki in front of me, his mouth moving but I can’t hear his words. Squinting my eyes at his mouth it takes me a moment before my hearing comes back into focus.
“Bella, are you ok?” I give him a small nod, glancing around to get my focus back. “I don’t think so. Bella, you’re breathing really quickly.” Concern fills his eyes, his words making me realise that I am breathing fast, the memories making me hyperventilate.
Keeping my focus on Goshki I take a large inhale and get control over my breathing. After about a minute my heart stops trying to jump out of my chest, and my breath comes easier.
“S-sorry. I ah I don’t know what that was.” I bend down to grab the buckets that I had dropped, taking them back to the feed room. It takes me a moment to remember what I was trying to say before. “Anyway, um, I was just thinking about maybe becoming the team manager for the team. I just wanted to know what they were saying to you about me.”
I avoid his gaze for a minute, getting the courage to face him. I can’t hear him moving behind me, I don’t even know if he is breathing.
“Really.” His voice is breathy, the softness washing over me. I turn to face him, his face lite up in a smile, the largest I have seen on him. “You really want to be our manager!”
Goshki is almost vibrating on the spot. A small nod from me makes him start to bounce on his heels, smile getting impossibly wider. I let him take a moment to have his excitement, his contagious energy encourages a matching smile onto my face, chasing away the nerves.
“When are you going to tell the team? Will you be able to come to our games? What about the training camps? Will you still do the horses?” The questions start blurring together before I get a chance to cut him off.
“Goshki, I was actually hoping you would help me tell the team. I don’t want to do all of them at once, just a few at a time.” He is nodding so quickly that I sincerely think his head is going to fall off. Reaching out I place my hands on either side of his neck, stopping the jerking movement. “And yes, it does me that I will go to your games and camps. I will still be doing the horses; it just means that when I have to be away with you either the riders will look after them or there will be someone else brought in.”
Gazing into his kind eyes I get the sense of welcoming, that he really does want me to be a part of his team. I slip my hands from his neck, resting them back at my side. We just stand there for a moment, smiling at each other.
“So, do you want to tell the team tomorrow? It will be just us there, it’s just a normal training session.”
Nodding I make up my mind. “Tomorrow. I will tell them tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Standing on the court of the volleyball gym is a much different feeling than sitting in the stands. Imagining the seats full of people, their yelling and cheers filling the room is a surreal experience. But for now, the room is quiet, my breathing the only thing to be heard. At this moment, the court feels small, the pressure of what is about the happen pressing down on me, forcing the air out of my lungs.
About now Goshki will be telling Ushijima that I want to talk before the rest of the team gets out. They will be telling the rest of the team to wait in the changing rooms until called in. I can only guess what must be going through their heads, the questions they may have. I hope they won’t pester Goshki, he shouldn’t have to deal with that.
My awareness is snapped back to the present when the door to the hallway clicks open. Ushijima enters the room before gently closing the door behind him. The closer he gets to me the tighter my chest feels and the faster my breathing becomes. In what feels like both an eternity and a millisecond he’s towering form is in front of me, his form taking up most of my vision, everything else becoming a blur. I think he is speaking; his mouth is moving but I can’t hear anything over the buzzing in my ears. A weight settles on my shoulder, the gentle squeeze brings my focus to Ushijima’s eyes and to his expanding chest. The exaggerated movements encourage me to copy their motions, he nods as my breathing starts to slow and even out.
“Bella, can you hear me?” Ushijima’s voice finally breaks through the buzz. My nod makes his eyes brighten; his gaze still firmly planted on my face. “Good, keep taking deep breaths.”
We stay like that for a few minutes, his hand on my shoulder and our breathing matching. Once my breathing is back to normal, he takes a step back, hand falling from my shoulder to hang at his side.
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know … I don’t know.” How can I explain to him that his presence is both terrifying and comforting. He is silent while I organise my thoughts again. Taking a deep breath, I focus back on him, our gazes meeting. “I wanted to talk to you about the manager position. If it is still open.”
Ushijima’s eyes widen, his gaze flickering over my face searching for something. He seems to find what he is looking for as a smile appears on his lips.
“Really? You want to be our manager.”
“If you’ll have me that is.” I’m surprised Ushijima didn’t became a bobble head with how quickly he nodded his head. A smile spread on my face as I join in his nodding. “I guess now I need to tell the team.”
His face dropped back to his neutral expression. He thinks again before giving me a firm nod. “I will be right by your side. They respect you and your boundaries. They will love having you by our side.”
+_+_+_+_+

A quick text to Goshki is all it takes before the rest of the team are barrelling through the gym doors. They are practically falling over each other to get to us as we stand in the middle of the court. Goshki is one of the last through but the first to stand in formation, the rest too busy talking over each other to take notice. I make eye contact with Goshki through the crowd, he gives me a questioning look that I return with a nod and smile. That’s all he needs to know that my conversation with Ushijima went well.
“Line up!” Ushijima’s voice booms over the noise, the sudden increase in volume makes me flinch back. The movement catches his attention, he turns to face me and gives a small bow. “Sorry.”
The rest of the boys watched the exchange in silence, eyes curious, as they stood in a line in front of us. Once they were all in position and we had their full attention Ushijima starts talking, watching me from the corner of his eye.
“Bella has an announcement for you all. Listen to everything she has to say before getting excited.” A chorus of agreements followed his words before all of the attention fell onto me. The weight of their eyes pressed onto my chest making me nervous, I try to snap myself out of it by digging my nails into my palms to no effect. Instead, I find Goshki’s gaze, focusing completely on him and his affirming nob. Taking a deep breath, I straighten and raise my chin, here we go.
“I would like to formally accept your invitation to be your team manager.” At my pause the boys all tense up, ready to celebrate. I raise my hand to quite them before continuing. “I do have some conditions though. I’m not all that comfortable around men and crowds so it will take me a while to be completely comfortable around you, but you have done well up until now to respect my wishes so I know it shouldn’t be too hard for you. It will take me a little bit to fully understand the game but thanks to Goshki I am already starting to understand. Really all I ask is that you please be patient with me while I adjust.”
I finish speaking with a bow, folding deeply at the hips. As I rise up, I scan the expressions on all of the players faces. All appear to be some form of happy and stunned, none moving for a few seconds. Semi is the one to break the tension, stepping forward and bowing back to me.
“Please look after us.” His voice echoes off the gym walls for a moment before the remainder of the team copy him. Their loud deep tones fill the space as they straighten and leap into cheers. I can’t help the smile that mimics the ones on their faces. My eyes follow each of them as they celebrate before they move back to Ushijima by my side. With a nod I step off to the side as he calls the attention back to himself to start practice.
The team moves through the motions of their practice with a little extra pep than normal. Throughout the practice I would catch different players glancing at me as if to check that I was sitting on the bench instead of hidden in the stands. If I caught their eye a smile would jump onto their faces before they would turn back to the activity at hand.
I must say, being on the bench is a much different experience than being in the stands. Every movement the players make seems so much more precise and the feeling of the ball hitting the floor can be felt through my feet. Even more impressive is the height in which they all can jump and the control they all exhibit, especially Ushijima. The first spike he performs causes me to jump, the noise and vibration shocking me. Drawing my eyes away from the rolling ball I find his gaze on me, watching my reaction with worry. I give him a smile, whispering that I am ok before he gives me a nod and moves on.
Their training is intense. The coach doesn’t let them take many breaks and his strong gaze is incredibly intimidating, something I never saw from up in the stands. I’m not sure what to make of him, he hasn’t said a word to me, only reprimanding any player who looks in my direction too long. By the end of practice all the boys look exhausted. How has Goshki hidden how tired this makes him when he comes to do the horses with me? They all trickle over to the bench after being dismissed by the coach each reaching for the water bottles. Conversation starts around me as they each pick up their stuff and start towards the changing rooms. I watch as they all slowly disappear behind the doors, their voices quietening as they walk down the hallway. The coach gets up without saying anything and makes his way out of the building.
My eyes scan the gym, now silent and void of the boisterous players. The silence is unsettling after the presence of the team, the room feeling empty. Time seems to stretch on before the doors swing back open again, and once again noise fills the space and the team files back in.
“Come on Bella, don’t you have things to do?”
I rise from my seat, joining the boys on their way out of the building. For the first time I think I have a place to belong.

Chapter Text

The more I watch these young men train and play, the more amazed I am of them. Their normal day-to-day sessions are gruelling enough, but their practice games are on another level. They don’t just play one game, they keep playing multiple sets, constantly changing strategies. They are quick thinkers as well, Shirabu can adapt to his spikers and the other team so quickly that you don’t get a chance to notice the change. Their games are like a dance, each player moving in sync to produce a masterpiece.

I have watched multiple games by now but today is meant to be a new team, someone they know but I have yet to meet.

“Bella, are you ready to watch us crush another team?” Tendou’s cheeky grin takes over his face, bouncy on his toes. The gym is filled with the team's energy, each fidgeting in their way.

“Tendou that’s enough, leave Bella alone.” The deep voice comes from behind me, Tendou rolls his eyes before bouncing off towards Semi. I turn around to meet Ushijima, his face as neutral as always.

“Who are you playing today?” Confusion settles into his eyes. He must think that I already know. “No, no one told me. Am I meant to know about this team?”

I glance down at the clipboard in my hands, flipping through the papers I was given. Nowhere on them is a name, for a school or otherwise. The only reference to them is ‘0 defeats – must continue’.

“We face them every year for our place at Nationals, they haven’t defeated us yet. But they are fun to play.” A new expression appeared on his face, determination. His eyes locked onto me, full focus, a new glint in them. He was ready for this; he was looking forward to playing on this team. It is something that I have yet to see from Ushijima.

Now the team’s excitement made more sense, their opponents are regulars. They are someone they can expect to give a good fight. To make a good show.

The boys start to move around the room and warm up, the energy rises as their chatter fills the room. I almost miss the main doors swinging open, a cool breeze coming with it. A group of boys walk up the step and into the doorway, their white and turquoise uniforms bright in the sunlight. They linger by the door for a moment, watching the Shiratorizawa boys move through their warm-ups. One of them, a boy with wavy brown hair, spots me and moves in my direction. The closer he gets the gleam in his eye becomes more apparent, a gleam that I do not like, one I have seen before.

I feel my heartbeat in my fingers, the movement of my team out of the corner of my eyes is the only thing stopping my breath from increasing. The form of this new boy seems to loom over me as he comes to a stop.

“And what is such a pretty girl doing he-” His silky voice is cut off abruptly, his head jolting forward at the contact of another’s hand. Behind him stands another from his team, his hand comes down again to grasp the back of his teammate's neck and forces him into a bow.

“Apologise Shittykawa.” The boy- no man’s low voice is barely above a whisper but commands respect.

“Owww Iwa-chan. I was just saying hi.” The bent-over boy tried to rise back up against his teammate's hand without any luck. The grip on his neck tightens the man’s hand flexing with the strain. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry.”

At the apology, the man lets go of his teammate and allows him to stand straight again with a roll of his eyes. I flinch as their focus returns to me, now two sets of unknown eyes are pointed at me. As they go to speak again, I feel someone approach me from behind and a hand brushes my arm. The softness of the gesture tells me all I need to know about the person now beside me. The opponents’ gazes snap towards Ushijima and their eyes harden, the brunette’s smile dropping into a scowl.

“Oikawa, Iwaizumi. What are you doing?” Ushijima’s deep voice seems to drop even further when addressing the others, his shoulder and arm tucking in front of me, placing him between me and the strangers. I take the moment to glance backward at the now quiet court, the remainder of the team is silent and watching our every move. Semi had moved towards us, his gaze flicking between us.

“Ushiwaka, are you ready to be knocked off your pedestal?” The arrogance is clear in his voice as he tips his head back, looking down his nose at Ushijima. The boy’s movement shifts his school jacket open, revealing his jersey and his player number.

There is no way that this guy is the captain of his team. Who would even listen to him? Wait … did he call him ‘Ushiwaka’?

“We will see you on the court Oikawa.” Ushijima’s short reply pulls my attention away from the unknown players. His furrowed brows soften when he shits his gaze to me before stepping back and tugging lightly on my jacket.

Stepping away with Ushijima I catch a glimpse at Oikawa and Iwaizumi’s faces, confusion clear as their gazes watch us leave. As we get closer to the huddle of Shiratorizawa players, each of their shoulders lowers and relaxes. Were they all going to step in if something happened? Making eye contact with Semi he gives me a small smile and nods as if confirming my thoughts.

Watching the new team, Aoba Johsai by their jackets, move about the gym I notice their interactions. The senior players are mucking around, the juniors are weary but included in the behaviour. The only calm one seems to be the captain’s handler, now with his jacket off I can see the number 4.

So he’s the ace. Interesting.

Tendou’s arm hangs heavily over my shoulders bringing my attention back to the team. They all listen as Ushijima talks them through what they plan to do today. I scan each of their faces, noting the determination in each of their eyes. I haven’t seen them this focused before a practice game before, do they take all of their actual games seriously?

Once both teams have warmed up and prepped they take to the court. The atmosphere drops as they face off and the first serve is hit. The ball passed back and forth across the net at a speed that I had yet to see, I could barely keep track of who was hitting when, or how many times it crossed the white line of the net. After what felt like an hour the ball hit the floor, bouncing out of bounds behind the visiting team. There is a short pause before cheers erupt from the Shiratorizawa team.

The celebration is short-lived as each team get set to start all over again. A moment of silence before the ball is being hit again, over and over, back and forth.

Rally after rally, the points rack up neither team pulls ahead. Sweat pours off all of the players on the court, and gasping breaths fill any silence of any break. I try to keep up, taking notes on who scored what and how. As exhaustion sets in the players, weaknesses start to show through. I watch as both teams' training is put to the test, noting down anything that catches my eye from both sides of the net.

Over an hour goes by before the final whistle sounds and both teams line up to thank each other. At this point I lost track of who won, my notebook pages covered in notes, barely legible words of whatever my mind thought up. A hand appears in front of my face as I scan my notes, I lean back quickly and my eyes make contact with the captain of Aoba Johsai.

Chapter Text

The moment my eyes meet the ones in front of me I jerk backwards, my centre of balance tipping me off the bench. I land hard on the ground behind the bench. My throat closes over, I try to make a noise, any noise, but nothing comes out. I can’t quite focus on who is in front of me anymore; all I can think is he’s here. Not again.

The ringing in my ears is deafening.

My breath comes in short bursts.

My vision starts to tunnel.

A shadow covers what remaining vision I have. I try to move away but my arms won’t move. I blink hard, trying to get my eyes to adjust and focus on whoever - him - is in front of me.

I can’t see, he’s here, not again. My thoughts are jumbled. My body is shaking, but I can’t feel anything.

The ground slightly moves under my hands, the vibrations running up my arms. Then it goes still again for a moment before something lands on my shoulder. It takes me a second to realise it is a hand, resting gently, not holding me down. I use the pressure to focus on the arm attached to the hand, following up to a shoulder, and a face. One that I have come to know.

Ushijima is the only one in front of me. His face fades in and out of focus, his expression not changing. His focus is completely on me, I try to glance over his shoulder to see any of the other players, but Ushijima’s large frame is all that I can see.

A small squeeze of his hand brings my attention back to Ushijima’s eyes. It takes me a moment to realise that he is exaggerating his breathing, his chest rising and falling more than it should.

“Breathe, Bella.” His voice is but a whisper, only for us to hear. “You are safe.”

And I believe him, every word. I am safe, Ushijima is here. I. Am. Safe.

My breathing slows, and my awareness comes back to my body. I’m still shaking, but I can feel it again. The world is no longer swimming.

Once my heart rate slows to almost normal, I lean forward enough to check the entirety of the gym. Ushijima and I are the only ones left inside. The rest must have cleared out pretty quickly.

“They are gone. Semi took them outside.” Ushijima’s voice is gentle, the softest I’ve ever heard it. Another small squeeze to my arm brings my eyes back to him. After a moment of holding eye contact, Ushijima releases my shoulder and moves back slightly. “Are you okay?”

I don’t answer straight away, looking around the gym, I take the moment to let my brain catch up with what happened. I just freaked out in front of, not only my team but another as well. Unprovoked. How embarrassing.

“Um, I think I’m okay. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

Ushijima’s face somehow drops without changing, with a slight tilt to his head. He doesn’t move, eyes flicking across my face. The room is so silent that I swear I can hear the boys outside.

“That was not your fault. You do not need to apologise.” His tone is so matter-of-fact, leaving no room for discussion. He rocks back on his heels before standing, gently holding a hand out to me. His grip is soft as he guides me back to my feet. He keeps his hold for a moment, scanning my face for something. It is unclear whether he finds it or not, but he lets go of my hand. Turning his back to me, he reaches down for his bag and puts it over his shoulder. He hesitates, looking back at me and then at the books I dropped when I fell. He leans down to pick them up as well, straightening the pages and closing the cover.

“Y-you don’t have to do that. I can, they are mine.” My voice barely echoes around the empty space. I step towards him, my hand held out for the notebooks. Their spirals dig into my hand as I grip them, hands still shaking slightly. I glance around the bench I was sitting on before picking up my bag and sliding the notebooks into it. “We should go.”

We both start towards the door, footfalls slow. Just as we reach the opening the handle jiggles before moving down, the door creaking as it moves outwards. The sun lines the floor as a head of spiked red hair peaks into the opening. His eyes lock onto where we once were before scanning the room, a squeak comes from him as his eyes lock onto Ushijima. A short glance at Ushijima’s face tells me all I need to know, he isn’t very happy that Tendou was spying.

“Sorry, it just got really quiet. I, uh, wanted to check that everything was ok.” A cheeky smile makes its way onto his face as he stands to his full height and opens the door fully. Not far behind him is the rest of Shiratorizawa, their eyes focused on the now open doorway. They each stand taller as they see me their gazes checking me from head to toe. For the first time, a male's gaze doesn’t make me want to crawl out of my skin or run away, I feel safe and protected.

“We were starting to get a bit concerned, wanted to make sure everything was alright.” Semi’s soft voice carries from the crowd of players. Walking down the steps I reach out to him, clasping his hand.

“Thank you.” My voice is small as he pulls me forward for a quick hug. Pulling back he looks into my eyes for a moment. “I’m ok, promise.”

My eyes flick from player to player, checking in with all of them before scanning the area for Aoba Johsai. I catch them a bit further up the path that leads to their bus, talking amongst themselves. As I watch them for the moment, the co-captain Iwaizumi turns to look over at us. Our eyes meet for a moment before he gives me a small nod. That is the only acknowledgement I get before he ushers his team onto their bus and they pull away with no fanfare.

-*-*-

A slight breeze brushes my face as I walk Junior around the arena, warming up for his ride. The sun in warm on the arena surface, it’s light reflecting off the metal jump wings. I’m glad to be almost done as the temperature is steadily rising.

Moving into the trot, I notice a group of people walking down from the main school. I try to ignore them as I continue with my warm-up, hoping that they aren’t some of the student riders. I really don’t think I could deal with them today.

Continuing as if they weren’t there, I move on to the small jumping exercise I set up. Junior moves easily from jump to jump, clearing the currently small jumps with ease. The group lines up against the rail, some leaning on the fence to watch. As I come around for one of the larger fences I glance toward them, a breath leaves me as I realise that the group is just the volleyball team. A small smile creeps onto my face as I finish the round, pulling up in front of the boys.

“Whoa, that was so cool.” Goshki’s excitement is obvious in his voice, his body bouncing up and down on his toes. Shirabu rolls his eyes next to him but his gaze stays focused on Junior. The whole team seems to be focused on Junior and I, faces a range of excitement and surprise.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“We have some news that we wanted to tell you, personally.” Ushijima’s smooth voice makes me tense slightly. What news could that have to tell me personally? Before I get the chance to ask Tendou pipes up.

“Yeah, yeah, we will get to that. But first, what is the horse's name? Do you do this every day? Do-” Tendou’s questions are cut off by Semi’s hand over his face. A round of chuckles comes from the players in response to his rambling. A smile comes over me, the boys are starting to worm their way past my defences. I didn’t think any male would be able to do that.

“His name is Junior, he is a jumper that lives here but is owned by a student's family. And, yeah, I do stuff similar to this every day, I don’t jump them every day, but all the horses get ridden most days. Then I also have all the feeding and stables to clean morning and night every day.”

Their mouths all drop in unison, surprise covering all their expressions. Glances go between each of the players, something I said obviously caught them off guard.

“What?”

“Y-you do all of that every day, then come help us, and do school?” Semi is the only one to make a noise. His realisation makes me understand their reaction; they didn’t know how much I do every day. Thinking for a moment, it does sound like a lot to do in normal hours, every day.

“Well yeah, I’m the only one that works here, none of the riders actually do anything but occasionally ride and compete their horses. I look after everything else.”

“So you do all of that, every day, and school work on top.” Goshki doesn’t seem to be able to wrap his head around what he heard. “I can barely do just school and volleyball!”

I chuckle at his realisation, the rest of the team seeming to come to the same conclusion.

“I’ll give you guys a second to think on that while I cool Junior down. I’ll meet you in the stables in a few.” With that said I move Junior off, working him on a long rein in the trot and walk, letting him stretch and cool down from his ride.

As I finish up, I get off and loosen Junior's girth. Out of the corner of my eye I see the team move around the arena to the stables, I follow from inside the arena and tie Junior into the crossties. Taking his bridle I turn back to the boys, now standing in the alleyway.

“Did you have any more questions? Before you tell me what this important news is?” With the reminder of why they are there my heart rate increases again. My eyes flick between the 3rd years, trying to get a read on what they have to tell me.

“I think any more questions about the horses can wait. We can learn more later.” Reon, ever the voice of reason, saving me from my own mind. “Do you need to do anything else with Junior?”

“Uh, I just have to take his gear off and put him away. You can talk while I’m doing that.”

They wait a moment as I put the bridle away, coming back and doing the same with the saddle. As I pull out the hose to wash off Junior I turn toward Ushijima.

“So, what was so important that you had to come and find me yourselves.” They take a step back as I turn the water on and it starts splashing off Juniors back. I chuckle as I continue on, waiting for them to compose themselves.

“We have been informed that we are invited to a training camp in Tokyo in a few days.” That caught my attention. Putting away the hose and scraper I give Ushijima my full attention.

“A training camp. With other teams? Not here?”

I don’t think I can do that.

Chapter Text

The hoof falls on the track surface beats along with my thoughts. I feel my mind shifting with every stride. Going away with the boys, even for just a few days, is daunting, I am only just getting used to being around them here. More people to meet, somewhere completely different, in Tokyo, the city. I haven’t been anywhere in Japan except the country areas.

Bringing my horse back to the walk at the top of the slope and turning back to the stables I can’t help but wonder if I would be any help to the team. They have been doing this for years without a manager, working only with the boys on the team. This team especially have had no one but themselves, even going as far as avoiding the females of the school due to their overwhelming fans.

The walk back is filled with my rushing thoughts, the self-doubt has slowly been increasing since the boys told me about the training camp. I don’t know how to feel about it all. I don’t think that I will be useful for them, I will only slow them down.

The sudden ringing of my phone brings me to a halt as the stables come into view. The screen shows Semi’s name, a grey background with a purple number 3 in the background. Confusion replaces the overwhelming thoughts as I press the answer button and bring the phone to my ear, tucking it behind the helmet strap to keep it there.

“Hey Semi.”

“Hi Bella.” Semi’s voice echoes from the phone, other male voices following. He must be with the team. I can hear some clammering in the background before Semi speaks up again. “We, the team and I, wanted to check in with you. I know that the training camp is making you a bit nervous.”

The swaying of my horses walk calms me alongside the gentleness of Semi’s voice. I take a moment to look across the fields before responding to Semi, and in turn the rest of the team.

“I, uh, I guess it is a bit of a change. I haven’t really left the school since I came to Japan. I don’t know what to expect.” My words come out awkwardly, tripping over the syllables. The noise from the speaker quiets, the boys movement coming to a stop. It’s quite for a few moments as I move closer to the stables.

“You don’t have to come if it makes you uncomfortable. We want you there but it isn’t a necessity.” I can hear the rest of the team in the background agreeing with Semi’s words.

“Know that if you come, we will do everything we can to make you comfortable. We want you to come and support us.” Goshki’s voice raises above the rest, closer to the phone than before. A chorus of cheers follows.

I listen to the boys as I enter the stables, dismounting and placing the horse in the cross-ties. Placing my phone on speaker I set it down on the wall ledge so I can still hear them. Their voices continue to fill the normal silence as I untack, multiple conversations happening at once. I’m enjoying the noise for a while, it filling the void usually presence at the stables, but it is broken suddenly by high-pitched giggles. The horse next to me perks to attention and the boys go silent as 3 girls come around the corner of the doorway and into the stable walkway.

I can’t make out what the girls are saying, but the pitch gets louder as they all giggle once again. The one in the middle looks up, eyes landing on me and her smile dropping. The other two take her lead and go silent, their eyes focused on me.

“Well would you look there, the help is here.” The snarl in the girls voice is evident. I track her as she gets closer, hips swaying and heels clicking on the concrete flooring. “Have you done my horse yet. He has to be your priority, I have to win so you have to make him do that.”

“Every horse here has been worked and cared for according to their needs and their individual program. No one gets priority or special treatment.” I try to keep my voice even, heart starting to hammer in my chest as she gets into my space. I can feel the horse behind me tense, head raised and breathing elevated. I try to lower my heart rate to calm it down, the last thing I want is a horse getting injured because of these girls.

“So you can’t do this job properly.” The girls laughter echoes through the empty stables. “Are you even sure you are doing anything for our best sports team? I mean really, why would they think that some foreign girl would be any use to them, let alone one as ugly as you.”

My stomach drops, the things I have been feeling have finally been vocalised, but instead of me doing it, it’s some girl, a bully, using it against me. I can’t hear what the girls are saying, my ears ringing but silent at the same time. I can see her mouth moving, her head moving between me and her friends. The horse behind me tenses again, shuffling around in the cross ties. Everything that I have been thinking about myself, since even before I moved to Japan, has just been thrown in my face. Why am I even here…?

The girls seem to have their fix, the words left lingering. Useless. Ugly. Failure. Waste of space. They disappear again around the corner of the stables, voices quieting the further that they get.

I can feel the horse is still tense behind me, shuffling around, the buckles rattling. I take a moment to breathe, slowing my heart rate down before turning and giving the horse a scratch. Moving under that cross ties I start to brush down that horse, my thoughts are still racing but I try to stay calm so I don’t set the horse off again.

Going through the everyday motions of getting the horse ready to go back out into it’s paddock I don’t notice the quite voices coming from my phone.

“Bella.” A voice breaks through the haze over me. “Bella, can you hear me?”

I turn, looking for where the voice was coming from. Seeing no one around the stables my eyes are drawn towards my phone, still sitting on the side of the cross tie rails. Oh no, I forgot that I was on the phone with Semi and the boys, please tell me they didn’t hear that.

“Semi, yeah I’m here. Sorry, I forgot that I was on the phone for a minute.” I try to keep my voice light, not showing any of the shame I am actually feeling. The sound of breathing is the only thing I can hear through the phone for a few beats. “Y … you heard all that, didn’t you. Please tell me that it wasn’t the others as well.”

There is shuffling on the other end of the line. A door shuts before Semi speaks again.

“The third years heard, we sent to others away before it got bad.” He is silent again for a moment. “Why didn’t you tell us that you were having trouble with other students.”

I take a breath before responding, trying to keep my voice even. “I’m used to it.”

An intake of breath can be heard through the phone, then a quiet sigh.

“It isn’t your fault, the team didn’t change how I get treated here. And I mean, they are right with some things, I’m just the stablehand, I’m not even a real student here.”

“Don’t say things like that again.” Semi’s voice is firm, any sign of sadness dissapearing in the blink of an eye. “Whether their treatment is a result of your position with us or not, no one should be treated like that. You should have told us, we can help.”

I don’t know how to respond to him. It is obvious by the silence on the other end of the line that he is by himself, which does make this conversation a little easier. I have never had someone wanting to support me before, a lifetime of bullying has left me untrusting. We sit in silence as I finish putting the horse out into it’s paddock. Turning off the lights for the stables I close the main doors and starting up the hill towards the accommodation.

“I-I’ll try to … to, I don’t know.” Thoughts are rushing too fast for me to understand them.

“You’re coming with us to the training camp, it’s a start.” Semi sounds so confident, like he knows exactly what is going to happen.

“Yeah, I’m coming to the camp.”

With that, we both hang up as I step through my door. The cold dark of my empty apartment greets me, a bag open on my bed. Stepping towards my closet I reach for my clothes to start packing. It’s an early start tomorrow so I should get it done before sleep.