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It was the morning after Cosima had almost attempted a risky science experiment on herself, forty-eight hours since Kendall died because of her, and she still hasn't slept. Every time the scientist closed her eyes she saw flames, smelled smoke, heard Evie's emotionless voice, and forced herself on her feet to grab another coffee. She was well aware that there are dark circles forming under her eyes, but she can't bring herself to care. Why care about beauty when you're going to be dead soon anyway, right? Scott tries a few times to get her to rest but after a while, even he seems to give up on getting through to her.
Delphine might not be dead, and Cosima doesn't know how she feels about it. They weren't in the best of places last time she saw her. What Delphine had threatened to do to Shay had sent shivers down Cosima's spine. She didn't want to believe her capable of that sort of violence. It felt like a Rachel move and comparing those two people in her mind makes her want to vomit. Does she want Delphine to be dead? Obviously not. However, does she want a relationship with Delphine? Well, that one she still has to figure out. She loves Delphine, but it's become very apparent that she doesn't trust her. What is a relationship without trust?
"Cosima?" Scott snaps her out of her thoughts. His smile is kind, but his eyes show worry as he shifts from foot-to-foot in front of her.
"Yeah, Scottie?" Cosima tries to force a smile; it comes out tired.
"Felix called earlier and asked me to talk to you about something important." His eyes dart from her to all around the room, his awkwardness making eye contact difficult for him. She thinks she knows what he wants to discuss. She tongues at the fresh wound in her mouth and closes her eyes.
"Look, if this is about the bot and what I almost did, I'm not ready to talk about that." Cosima sighs into her coffee cup. Please don't make me try to explain my actions to you when I can't even explain them to myself.
"It's not." Scott rushes to reassure her. "It's...It's about Sarah, actually." He pulls up a chair beside her and grabs her hand.
"What about her?" Cosima straightens and grabs onto the counter in alarm. "Is she okay?" A million possibilities she doesn't want to think about crash through her brain at a rapid speed. Her breathing becomes short and fast as panic overwhelms her.
"She's okay, but you aren't the only one who had a... close call yesterday." His face contorts awkwardly as he tries to glaze over any terminology that might offend her. "I don't know all the details. But apparently, Sarah went on a bender. When Felix was talking to you, he was also trying to find her. Mrs. S called him and told him that Kira said that Sarah was following Beth." Cosima's eyes widen in alarm thinking about the urgency in Felix's voice last night. He must have been so terrified. "He found her standing on a bridge over the train tracks at Huxley station, drunk, and halfway hanging over the railing. Felix was able to talk her down and take her back to the safe house."
"Oh my God." Cosima exclaims. Sarah almost left them. She almost lost her. She almost lost Sarah. The one person Cosima trusts without even thinking about it. The person who has fought harder than anyone else for her since that fateful day in Alison's basement when the punk walked into their lives. Sarah whose harsh exterior hides the most caring person Cosima has ever met.
"Mrs. S and Felix have some things to take care of today and they don't want to leave Sarah alone so, her and Kira are on their way here. Kira and I are going to go to a movie and hang out for a while so you two can get some rest." Scott pulls her mug from her weak grip. "Rest, not coffee." He states firmly.
"Thanks, Scott." Cosima stands to hug her friend before hunting down her vaporizer and loading it up with her favorite strain. She walks into the tiny space in the back that she turned into a bedroom and curls up under the covers. She puffs slowly on the little tube attached to the machine and feels the vapor enter her deteriorating lungs. She tries to exhale slowly, but a cough makes it all rush out at once. She sits up in the bed and tries to catch her breath. After a few more puffs and coughing fits she can feel the THC started to work its magic on her worn body and mind. She sinks into the mattress and runs her tongue over the scalpel wound again. Through her weed induced haze, Cosima hears voices coming from upstairs. She keeps her eyes closed as she hears the familiar sound of boots stomping down the stairs.
"Cos?" She hears Sarah's voice call from the bottom of the stairs.
"Back here." Cosima finally pries her eyes back open in time to see her clone walk in the room. Sarah looks worse than Cosima does. Her eyes are bloodshot, her clothes rumpled, hair wild, and yesterday's eyeliner is smudged around her eyes. She's still beautiful. "Wanna lay with me?" Sarah squints her eyes against the light, so Cosima leans over to set the lamp on dim. "Better?"
"Thanks." Sarah murmurs as she clumsily kicks her boots off her socked feet and shrugs out of her leather jacket. She collapses next to Cosima and brings her arm up to cover her eyes.
"Hangover?" Cosima asks sympathetically.
"You could say that." The British clone lets out a long breath. "I'm so nauseous. I already threw up everything Siobhan tried to feed me this morning." Cosima frowns as her clone rubs at her aching stomach.
"Wanna smoke with me?" Cosima offers. "It's medicinal grade." She grins. Sarah turns to look at her with interest. "It should help the nausea at least."
"I haven't smoked weed in a long time. Skipped that step this go 'round." Sarah snorts like she just told a joke only she understands. "But yeah. Scott and Kira will be gone for a while, so I've got time."
About fifteen minutes later the THC has done its job and Sarah looks much more alive. They curl up with Sarah laying on her back, her head on Cosima's stomach, Cosima playing absentmindedly with Sarah's hair. Occasionally, Cosima will scratch her nails along Sarah's scalp, resulting in a pleased hum from the girl's chest.
"I heard a little about what happened yesterday." Cosima whispers cautiously, stroking at unruly hair like she's trying to sooth a wild animal.
"I just jumped straight back into my old ways. The alcohol, the drugs, the sex." She flushes at the last memory. "I didn't care about anything. I just drank and took whatever was thrown at me. Until Felix showed up to save my sorry ass yet again." Sarah winces.
"If it makes you feel any better, he had to save mine too." Cosima admits, albeit sheepishly.
"What do you mean?" Sarah sits up and stares down at Cosima with furrowed brows. The scientist flushes under the intense gaze and looks down at the covers as she tries to think of a way to downplay the situation that occurred last night. She doesn't come up with one.
"Well, I kind of, sort of, locked Scott and Hell Wizard upstairs so that I could try to implant your bot into my face." She realizes that she's in a nervous ramble but isn't able to stop it. "But Scott called Felix and Felix called me. He stopped me before I could do anything more than make an incision." She halts the rapid flailing of her hands through the air as Sarah's eyes flash dangerously.
"What the bloody hell, Cosima? That thing was trying to kill me!" Sarah exclaims. The punk's eyes flash with anger. "You have no idea what that could have done to you!" She yells hovering over the scientist. Suddenly, Sarah's hands are on her face and her knee is digging into her side.
"What are you doing?" Cosima blinks up at the face that has moved so close to her own.
"Open your mouth." Sarah growls. Fingers with black nails pry at Cosima's lips and teeth impatiently.
"Okay, okay!" She mutters before doing as asked. She feels a bit ridiculous laying with her mouth wide open and very confused at her clone's request. Sarah's finger is gentler now as she feels along the smooth inner flesh of her cheek, finding the first one undamaged and moving to inspect the other. Her trembling finger runs lightly across the raised line that's just beginning to heal.
"It's not there." Oh, she was looking for the bot. Sarah sighs in relief while collapsing next to her clone again. "It's not there." She repeats. Cosima works her mouth open and closed a few times before looking over at her clone.
"I told you. Felix stopped me." Cosima whispers and receives a nod from Sarah in return.
"We owe Fe' a lot of booze and partying for putting up with us lot." Sarah huffs with a little laugh.
"You're up for more booze already, Sarah?" Cosima teasingly pokes her clone in the side. "Thought you'd had enough last night."
"Ugh, I'll need at least another week until I even look at alcohol again." Sarah groans. "I don't even remember how much I drank last night."
"So, tell me what you do remember." Cosima props her head up on her hand. "Tell me about the sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll." She jokingly holds up devil horns. Sarah grins and blows out a long breath as she thinks.
"The music was actually pretty great. You know the musician, Peaches?" Cosima nods. "Lots of bass. I like how the vibration feels."
"The drugs?" Cosima inquires curiously. She's really only experimented with weed and mushrooms. Always too afraid to cross that invisible line into addiction.
"Cocaine and something else. Think it might have been Xanax but I'm not sure." Sarah shrugs. If it weren't for the fact that they both made some impulsive decisions last night Cosima would probably have more things to say about the dangers of taking random substances. Cosima can't imagine ever taking something she couldn't name or research. She decides to leave that conversation for another time.
"And... the sex?" Cosima raises her eyebrows suggestively. Sarah flushes as she remembers, and it only makes Cosima more intrigued. "Ooooh. Who was he?" She teases the clone, scooting closer to her.
"It was actually two people." Sarah admits, smirking at Cosima's jaw drop.
"You had a threesome?" Cosima feels a sudden burst of arousal and a selfish need to know more. "Two guys?"
"Nope." Sarah's lips pop on the 'P' sound and draws Cosima's eyes to them. "This girl invited me to join her and her boyfriend."
Cosima feels like her brain has short circuited. Sarah's bi? Since when? Cosima has had a hidden attraction to her clone for a while now. She's tried to come up with a million scientific explanations for her attraction, but they all failed because it was just Sarah. Cosima had seen plenty of other clones by now and she had never looked at any one of them with an ounce of lust but Sarah. So, she decided to hide her crush deep down and developed a relationship with Delphine. That worked well. Every time she thought of Sarah that way, she would remind her brain of Sarah's straightness and squash it down. But now?
Now she can't squash it down because Sarah is lying next to her telling her she had sex with a girl, and she's suddenly on fire. She takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm her libido and makes eye contact with Sarah. She can tell that Sarah notices the darkness of her eyes, the dilation of her pupils. Cosima shifts to lay on her side, slightly leaning against Sarah's warm body. She rests her hand on the bared skin of Sarah's abdomen and feels the muscles quiver slightly under the unexpected touch. Sarah looks down at the hand then back up at Cosima with a question in her eyes.
"Tell me more?" Cosima's voice comes out raspier than she's used to. She sees Sarah swallow as she processes the request.
"She bought me a drink then took me to meet her boyfriend. We danced for a while; they were real handsy." Sarah breath studders as Cosima uses her nails to trail lightly up and down her exposed skin.
"Did you leave the club with them?" Cosima whispers the question in her ear and watches the punk shake her head.
"No, I pulled them into the back of the club. A storage room, I think." She explains as Cosima's hand trails higher and higher, her touches ghosting over her ribcage. "Cosima." Sarah whispers. "What are we doing?"
"I don't know." Cosima whispers back. "Do you want me to stop?" Her teeth clamp down on her own bottom lip as she waits for a response from Sarah.
"No." Sarah's face blooms red at her admission but she doesn't break Cosima's gaze. The scientist slowly moves to straddle the punk, giving her plenty of time to protest. As Cosima's weight settles on her hips, Sarah moves her hands to rest on Cosima's waist.
"What happened next?" Cosima leans forwards until their faces are only inches away from each other.
"She kissed me." Sarah whispers and isn't surprised when she feels lips on hers seconds later. Cosima feels Sarah relax into the kiss almost instantly. Cosima kisses her almost chastely before pulling back.
"Like that?" Cosima teases, sharp canines showing as she bites her lip.
"No." Cosima leans back in and this time she coaxes Sarah's mouth open with her tongue. Sarah's hands fist the material of the Cosima's shirt as their tongues meet. Cosima feels the other clone's thighs rub together under her hips.
"Next?" Cosima pulls back and urges her to continue the story. She feels Sarah shiver under her as her touch lands back on her stomach.
"He kissed down to my pants, unbuttoned them, then went up to my neck." Cosima pulls back to look at the clothes that still smell of liquor.
"These the clothes you were wearing?" She pulls at the fabric of Sarah's crop top.
"Yeah." Sarah watches as Cosima pushes the top up above her bralette and sits up slightly to let her clone pull it off her body.
"They didn't undress you?" Cosima asks as she works on pulling Sarah's tight pants down her legs, pulling her socks off as she goes.
"No, she just fingered me under them while he made out with us." Sarah watches with dark eyes as Cosima stands and removes her top and loose jogger pants.
"Their loss." Cosima climbs back onto the bed and reclaims her position straddling Sarah. "I have wanted you like this for a long time." She reaches up to take off her glasses and set them on the night table.
"You have?" Sarah gasps as lips meet her neck. "Wanted you too." The punk admits while arching her neck for more access. Cosima reconnects their lips and slips her hand under the other girl's black bralette. Sarah gasps against Cosima's lips as she feels a thumb stroke over her nipple.
Suddenly, Sarah pushes Cosima back enough so that she can sit up. She catches Cosima's eyes as she pulls her bralette over her head and throws it on the floor. Sarah reaches up and gestures for the other clone to do the same. Once both are down to only a pair of underwear, they lay back down, feeling skin on skin for the first time.
"Is this okay?" Cosima checks in. Sarah nods and kisses her again as an answer, her breath hitching as their bared breasts brush against each other.
Cosima kisses back down Sarah's neck, stopping briefly at where she can feel her rapid pulse under her skin and biting down. It earns her a pleasured groan from the girl below her and sends heat straight between her legs. Cosima moves her mouth to Sarah's chest and starts toying with the hard nub on each tip of her breasts. Sarah's fingers tangle into thick dreads as she begins to squirm against her ministrations. Cosima skims her fingers down the punk's sides and down to her legs, pushing to make room for herself between them. Her clone lets out a little gasp and a roll of the hips as the weight of Cosima's midsection rests over her barely covered core.
"Cos." Sarah groans as teeth scrape across her sensitive nipple. "You're driving me crazy." The hands tangled in Cosima's dreads pull her up until their lips can connect again. Sarah's hands trail down her back until they can grip onto the fleshy globes of her ass and Cosima hums approvingly into the kiss.
Cosima cups Sarah's face before moving that hand down across her throat, between her breasts, over the trembling muscles of her abdomen, and stopping at the waistband of her underwear. She pulls at the elastic a few times, letting the fabric snap back against pale skin, building Sarah's frustration. Sharp teeth dig into Cosima's lip in warning and coax a muffled moan from her throat. She dips her fingers underneath thin fabric, moving them lower and lower until they encounter warm wetness and Sarah is panting into her mouth.
"Fuck, Sarah." Cosima curses at the fluid coating her fingers as they explore from Sarah's entrance to clit. Sarah gets too distracted to be able to properly keep up with the kiss, so Cosima dips her head down to place kisses and bites along her throat. Her fingers start to make small circles over the throbbing nerves, delighting in the moan and scratch of nails up her back that the motion provokes from the woman under her. She can feel Sarah's pulse speeding against her lips as Sarah's hips start chasing the movement of her hand.
The more Cosima moves, the move liquid she feels pool against her hand. Eventually, she can't help but lower her fingers to insert two of them where the wetness originates. Sarah's walls grip tightly to her intruding fingers, she stills and places kisses across her counterpart's face until the clone relaxes underneath her and instructs her to move with a thrust of her hips. Cosima breathes heavily as she moves her hands forward and back. Sarah's underwear scratches against the back of her hand, Sarah's voice gasps into her ear, Sarah's hands grip and slide over her sweaty skin, she's surrounded by Sarah, and it isn't enough.
She keeps her hand moving as her kisses move south, enjoying the feeling of muscles quivering under her lips until she approaches the area where her hand works away frantically. Using her free hand, Cosima pulls down Sarah's underwear far enough to get her face in-between her legs and her tongue on her clit. She's awarded by a long moan and an arched back, feet now pushing into her backside.
"God, Cosima." Sarah gasps and buries her fingers back in the thick dreadlocks between her legs. Cosima uses broad strokes with her tongue while she curls her fingers up, feeling the spongey ridges of Sarah's g-spot without much of a search. A wordless cry leaves the punk's throat and the legs now thrown over Cosima's shoulders begin to shake. The dread-headed girl doesn't let up, letting her fingers ghost over that spot over and over.
"Fuck! Cosima, shit! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." When Sarah's half moaned rambled curses turned into nothing but ragged breathing, Cosima knew Sarah was close. The hand in her dreads was tugging them so tightly it bordered on painful.
"Come on, Sarah." Cosima encourages before wrapping her lips around Sarah's clit and sucking as her fingers keep the pressure going inside.
There's a sharp gasp and then silence as muscles clench down in a vice grip around Cosima's fingers. She looks up to observe her clone going over the edge. Sarah's head tilts back, her chest heaves, her back arches, and Cosima can feel her toes curling against her back. She moves her fingers along with the rhythmic clench and release of Sarah's internal muscles and finally takes notice of her own arousal as she gives a futile little thrust against the mattress. She turns her head to suck the skin of Sarah's inner thigh as she slows then removes her fingers after Sarah settles back into the mattress with a soft moan.
"Come here." Sarah husks out, pulling on the dreads between her legs. Cosima quickly kisses her way up the clone's body until she meets her lips again. Sarah hums at the taste of herself on Cosima's lips. "I can't really feel my legs enough to move right now so if you want a turn, you'll need to take your knickers off and get up here." Sarah whispers against her lips while rubbing the backs of her thighs. Cosima pulls back to make sure Sarah means what she thinks she means.
"You want me to..." Cosima trails off as a blush creeps up her face.
"Sit on my face?" Sarah smirks up at her. "Yeah." Cosima feels herself stop breathing momentarily before quickly hopping off the bed to kick her underwear down her legs. Her breath is shaky as she climbs back up the bed until she settles with her knees on either side of Sarah's face. Cosima feels hands trail from her thighs up to her hips and then pressure as those hands tug her hips down. She jumps a little at the first touch of Sarah's tongue against her inner thigh. Cosima flushes as she realizes that Sarah is licking her arousal off her skin. "You taste good." Sarah comments before taking her first taste from the source and humming at the flavor on her tongue.
Cosima can't be blamed for any of the high-pitched noises she knows are escaping the confines of her throat. She reaches down to thread one hand through the dark hair splayed across the pillow and uses the other to brace herself against the wall. Sarah's tongue snakes around her clit multiple times before moving lower and pressing up inside her. Sarah's head moves under her hands as she fucks her with her tongue, curling it up to touch every sensitive spot she can.
"Fuck, Sarah!" She exclaims as her hips start grinding in an unconscious movement. Sarah removes one hand from her hip and replaces her tongue with it. One, then two, fingers find their way inside her while Sarah's mouth moves exclusively to her clit. Cosima can feel that tension building in her gut, the kind that promises to blow her to pieces. She can't help but think about how most of her first times with people don't end with her cumming, yet here she is only a couple minutes in and already halfway to orgasm.
It doesn't help that Sarah seems to be enjoying herself as much as Cosima is at the moment. Sarah hums pleasantly against her and the vibrations provoke obscene noises from Cosima's throat that Sarah then echos with a moan, creating a never-ending cycle that threatens to overwhelm her completely. Cosima's hips become restless, rocking against Sarah's face at an increasing pace. Eventually, it's all Sarah can do to keep her hand moving and her tongue still so Cosima can rub herself against it.
As Cosima's orgasm draws near her legs begin to tremble and she hunches forward to rest her head against the wall. Sarah's free hand goes from her hip up her torso to her breasts. She cups one before rolling the nipple between her thumb and forefinger then moving to do the same to the other one. There's so much sensation all at once, it takes Cosima's breath away. She thinks about how this started, how she almost lost Sarah, how she almost lost herself. Kendall may be gone, and the data may be gone, but Sarah is here, and Cosima is still here, dammit. She's here and she's alive and she's going to fight through everything they throw at her. The fingers that cleverly curl against her front wall jolts her from her thoughts.
"Sarah!" Cosima gasps. "I'm gonna-" Her sentence is cut off by a long moan as she finally falls over the edge, her vision blacking out, her ears rushing, body singing. Sarah keeps her mouth and hand dutifully moving while Cosima's hips jerk and grind, while her body shakes and she has to grasp the wall with both hands to keep from falling over. Sarah pulls her hand away and trades it for her tongue. She laps at the fresh batch of liquid she provoked and starts to sooth Cosima's over sensitive flesh with her tongue as the scientist comes back down to earth.
Cosima is still panting for breath as she shakily dismounts Sarah and turns to collapse beside her. Sarah's there the next second; kissing her neck, stroking her skin, and muttering nonsensical words as Cosima catches her breath. Once she does, Cosima pulls Sarah into another deep but lazy kiss.
"Damn, Sarah." Cosima comments as the kiss breaks causing Sarah to erupt into giggles.
"Back at ya." Sarah's chuckles turn into a yawn as her exhaustion seeps into her bones. "We should get our clothes back on, so we don't scar Kira."
"Or Scott." Cosima points out as she sits up to look for the clothing they threw.
"Or Scott." Sarah agrees as she fixes her underwear into place and grabs her shirt of the ground. "Now let's get some sleep." Sarah suggests after they've found their clothes and redressed. They curl back up together on the bed, limbs entangled.
"I can't do this without you, Sarah." Cosima whispers into the quiet.
"Same." Sarah whispers back. "I'll fight if you'll fight?" Sarah proposes as she searches identical eyes.
"Deal." Cosima smiles and closes her eyes, comforted by the feel and smell of Sarah.
Scott and Kira come back from their day out to find Sarah and Cosima curled up together fast asleep. Kira looks at her mom and aunt with a smile on her face.
"Auntie Cosima is going to get well again soon." The child tells Scott out of the blue.
"Who told you that?" He politely asks her.
"No one." Kira shrugs. "I just know." With that statement, the little girl climbs up onto the bed and settles herself between her mother and aunt. Sarah's arm naturally wraps around her daughter in her sleep and within minutes, Kira is fast asleep as well.
Scott watches the three of them and hopes more than anything that miraculous little Kira is right. Nurturing that hope, he turns to get back to work.