Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The chat is going so quickly it's hard to catch anything but Hoshi is doing his best to interact with his viewers, answering questions and posing with props so they can take screenshots of him. He's engaged and attentive; he's so comfortable with the camera it's like it's not even there.

Jihoon hovers over the donate button with his mouse, contemplating sending a tip.

"WildHamzzi, Juicy88, thank you so much for the donations. I really appreciate it! Horanghae!"

The boy on the screen smiles brightly and does his signature claw pose. He gives the camera one last glimpse of his collarbone before he starts buttoning his shirt, which has been half open the whole stream. Jihoon sighs and moves his mouse away, embarrassed. Maybe next time.

"Thanks for tuning in guys, I'll see you again soon. Bye!" He finishes with some finger hearts.

Jihoon closes the lid of his laptop. It’s only 10:30pm but he might as well go to bed now. Aside from working out (which is usually a morning affair) and grinding in the studio, he doesn’t have a lot of hobbies; tuning in to Hoshi's random streams helps him to unwind. His shows are usually spontaneous which is fun. It keeps everyone on their toes. He gets bored easily, so he switches up his content a lot according to the requests of his top subscribers. Sometimes he just talks about his day, other times he does ASMR, or dance covers. Jihoon likes those best- he’s a wonderful dancer.

He does a lot of flirty content too. Hoshi is no stranger to acting cute, and is happy to comply with his fans' wishes. He’s a pro at taking boyfriend shots, posing with the camera at just the right angle, laughing like he's just heard the funniest joke ever, staring down at the lens to fake eye contact. Jihoon may or may not have one of them printed out.

Jihoon isn't stupid. He knows that Hoshi is just doing his job, acting for the camera. He's providing an experience for paying customers, and Jihoon is just one faceless username among many, but it's nice to pretend, sometimes.

Hoshi has this uncanny way of talking like he's in the room with him and Jihoon tends to let his imagination run wild. It's embarrassing, but when he's alone in his big apartment and starting to get heartsick it's easy to let himself get lost in the fantasy. 

He pads into the bathroom and brushes his teeth, eyeing his reflection in the mirror. His dark hair contrasts nicely against his fair skin. He brushes it past his ear and out of his eyes so he can see. He looks good. That's what he tells himself, anyway. He's not quite convinced about the efficacy of positive affirmations, but what the hell. Can't hurt. Jihoon used to fixate on his height and skinny frame, but these days he's working out more and started growing his hair out a bit for a change, and when he goes out he can feel more eyes on him lately.

He’s still single, though.

Dating has been difficult for Jihoon. It's not for lack of trying; he meets plenty of people in the music business and has made a valiant effort to mingle at the mixers and the dinners, suffering the small talk, but it really isn’t his scene. His friends have all tried and failed to set him up over the years but everyone he dates soon realises that he's too unavailable and things inevitably break down. It’s hard to be in a relationship when you’re married to your job.

It's okay to be single. He knows that plenty of people his age are, and actually maybe it's better this way- he shouldn't get into a relationship just because he feels like he should. Finding a partner isn’t the be-all end-all that people say it is. For now, he has something else to fill the void.

He drums his fingers in a random rhythm against the wall, wondering when the next stream will be. Probably in the next couple of days, since Hoshi has been streaming more than usual lately, several times a week.

He’ll wait for the notification.

It comes at a good time. Jihoon has wrapped up with work and is on his way home already so he’ll catch most of it if he drives fast.

When he gets back, he toes off his shoes, throws his keys on the mantle and hastily hangs his coat up and pulls his laptop out from his bag and hauls his tired body into bed with it. He’s still logged in, so he quickly tabs to the stream. The screen finally loads and Jihoon's mouth falls open.

Hoshi has dyed his hair black.

Jihoon loved his white blond look more than he’d care to admit, and does mourn for it but something about this inky blue-black is charming in its own way. He looks great.

His eyes crinkle into cute crescent moons as he reads a subscriber’s comment and smiles widely, showing his perfectly white teeth. As far as Jihoon knows, they’re about the same age, but Hoshi has such a bright energy to him that he could definitely pass for younger.

“Okay horangdans,” he whispers into the mic, “what shall we do today? I don’t have anything planned so I’m open to requests!” He leans on one hand, absentmindedly applying lip balm with the other as the comments flood in.

[Omg our tiger turned into a panther!]

[Hoshi is so handsome I’m gonna die]

[I’m looking SO respectfully]

[How is he so cute?? That colour suits you sooo much…]

“Aw thanks guys, I’m glad you like it!” He runs a hand through his glossy hair. “I thought about dyeing it on camera but it was too messy, I didn’t want you to see me spill everything,” he laughs. Jihoon smiles to himself, picturing Hoshi struggling with the instructions.

“Hmmm~ I’m seeing mukbang a lot; how did you guys know I ordered in? Ahhh you know me so well. Did you eat yet? Better grab something so we can eat together!”

Jihoon's stomach bubbles as if in response and he realises that he hasn’t had a meal since this morning. He unplugs his laptop so he can bring it to the kitchen.

He thinks he still has some leftovers from a meal kit subscription service he tried out somewhere in the freezer, so he digs through until he finds the labelled tupperware. He likes cooking but isn’t all that motivated to do it for himself since the café at work is really good and he tends to keep to a diet anyway.

If he had someone to cook for, he'd probably put the effort in.

He brings a bowl of microwaved chicken stir fry back to his laptop and notices that the waiting music has been playing for a little while; a cute upbeat track with tiger-related lyrics that Hoshi recorded himself. The black and orange Be Right Back screen is up and it has the donation request tiers on it. The lower tiers are for simple things like shout outs and cute poses, but the more you donate, the more specific the actions can be. Jihoon vividly recalls a subscriber donating $100 to get Hoshi to try every single melona bar flavour. It was the middle of summer and he was wearing a mesh shirt and, well. It was a memorable stream.

The live feed flicks back on and for a second the unfiltered background of Hoshi’s room, which had been a virtual backdrop, is visible. There are some boxes piled up on a bed and noticeably less decor on his walls than there usually is. There’s an unmistakable pile of tiger plush toys in one corner. Hoshi sits back down in front of the camera with a steaming bowl of udon and gives his thanks for the meal, and the background flickers.

He holds the bowl up to the camera so they can see it- the broth looks rich, with crisp leaves of seaweed, a thick knot of noodles and two halves of a jammy soft boiled egg.

“Waah, it looks so good. Can’t wait!” Jihoon waits for him to start before eating himself.

“Oh-" Hoshi says between mouthfuls of thick noodles. “-you guys saw that huh? Damn, you're fast," he laughs. "Yeah I’m actually moving to a new place soon. I was gonna mention it later but whatever!” He scrolls through the comments with one hand.

“Mm it’s waay bigger than this place and it’s got an office that I’m gonna use as a studio. I’ll need help decorating, so if you have any suggestions, leave a comment.” Jihoon didn’t know that he was just streaming from his bedroom. It's none of his business, really, but somehow it’s nice to know that Hoshi is doing well enough to move to a nicer apartment.

The chat starts going a bit faster.

“Drop the wishlist? Okay, okay,” he grins. “Maybe I should have put more on it~” He pastes the link to his amazon wishlist in the chat and the fans race to buy everything on the list. Jihoon does glance at it but it's already all bought out before he can get a good look.

He holds his chopsticks in his mouth pensively. If he’s moving, maybe now would be a good time to donate, he thinks.

Hoshi finishes up his meal, and thanks the viewers for their kindness, licking his lips. He moves his dishes somewhere off camera and glances at the clock. “I think I’ll go a little while longer if that’s okay with you guys. Any more requests?”

Jihoon clicks the button, reasoning that he just got paid and maybe would like to join in on spoiling Hoshi for once.

Hoshi’s eyes light up when the notification flashes across the screen.

[Wooahae has donated $500]

“Oh my gosh, thank you! What a generous donation, Wooahae!”

Shit.

He meant to donate $50, but had pressed the zero key too hard and didn’t check the amount before he sent it. Hoshi looks ecstatic though, and he can’t bring himself to admit that it was a mistake. Hearing him read out his username gives him goosebumps.

He exhales a deep, slow breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, and reasons that the money was just sitting there in his bank account anyway; at least Hoshi will put it to good use.

He never usually comments but it would probably be quite rude to not say anything, so after a too-long pause he manages to type something out.

[Good luck with the move.]

Hoshi's playful smirk gives way to a soft smile and he looks genuinely touched, all traces of bravado draining away for a brief moment.

Jihoon's heart stutters and he's beginning to regret it less and less.

“I really appreciate it, Wooahae. Thanks again.” He lowers his voice a notch and just like that he's back to being confident and flirty, his persona settling back into place. Hoshi is a bit of an attention seeker and tends to play up the cute angle because it's what the majority of his followers like; he does aegyo for his older fans without a shred of shame but he changes it up now and then. He’s famous for his duality, able to switch between cute and sexy at the drop of a hat, and he’s definitely turning it on now. “You’re the top donator today, and you know what that means,” he whispers.

Jihoon’s brain is a little bit scrambled because he’s remembering that actually the reason that people donate is to get Hoshi to do things for them, not just to gaze into his eyes as he reads out your username. Donations of $200 or more are entitled to request nearly anything, and virtually all the high donations are for NSFW requests. Thinking about it now he's pretty sure that there's a donation cap, and he might have just hit it. The gesture is a lot more extravagant than he meant it to be. He quickly glances around as if waiting for the cops to spring out of his wardrobe and arrest him, before reminding himself that he’s an adult and this is all perfectly legal and consensual, and types out his request in the private chat box he's been invited to. He reads it back and deletes it once, then re-types it out again and has to close his eyes and count back from three before he hits the enter key, heart thumping like a galloping racehorse.

[I want to see you touch yourself]

He might as well get his money’s worth before he dies of embarrassment.

Hoshi chuckles and adjusts the camera angle to film from below. He looks excited, like he’s been waiting for this.

“Of course. Anything for you,” he purrs.

Jihoon can't quite believe this is happening.

Hoshi is wearing some stylish wide leg pants today. It's almost a shame to see them pooled around his knees. With purpose he thumbs at the brass button and the zipper, slowly unwrapping himself like a present. He’s biting his lip, and Jihoon is short circuiting as he watches Hoshi touch himself through his boxers, looking directly into the camera, letting out a pleased hum and the thought that he’s doing this because Jihoon asked him to is making him crazy.

“How’s that, are you enjoying the show? Hmm?” Hoshi pauses to squeeze, gasping out a breath and he looks so hot doing this. He's barely done anything and Jihoon's legs are already jelly, and the tension in his body is winding tighter by the second, coiling like a spring. The anticipation is killing him but he sort of feels like getting off to this must be illegal or something, so he just mutely watches Hoshi readjust himself in his chair, scrunching the covers in his fists by his sides. Hoshi slips a hand under his shirt which coincidentally reveals a flash of his toned abs and Jihoon knows by the smile that it’s on purpose.

“Feels so good,” He moans. He loves the attention; he's an exhibitionist at heart. He may be alone in his room but he’s got thousands of people watching, hanging on his every word, losing their minds over him and it's turning him on so much. He wonders how many of them are touching themselves too.

He hopes Wooahae is. 

Hoshi picks up the camera and brings it in for a close up. There’s a clear tent in his pants. “Look what you’re doing to me.” His eyes are half-closed, head tilted down towards the camera lens, and his lips are glossy from the biting. Jihoon drinks this in. He’s afraid to blink because he might miss something. He has seen one or two NSFW streams before but this is different. Hoshi isn't just playing to the masses- he's like this, stiff and aching and eager because of him. It's feeding Jihoon's delusions. He's hyper aware of every sound; his rough exhales, pounding heart loud in his ears. He dare not move because he's so hard already and if he starts to touch himself it feels like he’ll break the spell and everything will burst into seafoam. He just absorbs every moment, letting it pass over him.

“Ahh,” hisses Hoshi.

He’s pulling his pants all the way down and his cock springs up. It’s blush pink and glossy with precome, and the camera shakes as he shudders. He’s clearly quite far gone because he’s not teasing so much anymore; he’s stroking himself faster now, swiping over his slit. He disappears under the table for a second and there’s the click of a bottle cap and when he comes back up his cock is so wet. His mouth falls open as he starts to rhythmically buck his hips into his own hand, the regular creaking of his chair punctuating each messy thrust as he loses himself in the waves of pleasure.

"Are you watching?" he asks.

Jihoon can't take his eyes off him.

He’s going in and out of frame again but he doesn’t seem to care about the stream anymore; he’s just chasing his finish and he starts whining as it builds, seemingly too intense but also not enough, and he pushes his shirt up and tweaks at a nipple to send himself over the edge.

He cums with a gasp, painting a thin rope of white onto his half naked stomach as he's wracked with spasms from the force of it. His chest heaves with deep breaths as he calms down, looking extremely satisfied.

"Look at that," he drawls, marvelling at his cock, which is softening but still oozing cum. "All for you."

Jihoon thinks he feels his soul leave his body but is brought back by Hoshi's musical laughter. His smile is elfin and cheeky as he stretches, flexing a little for the hell of it.

“Did we all enjoy ourselves? It was pretty good, right?” he breathes. “Everyone say thank you to Wooahae.” The chat is an incoherent mess of keysmashes, crying and begging. He leans back so his eyes are out of frame but he's smug and satisfied as he signs off for the day.

He has no right being this hot.

Jihoon wilts into the bed, lies there for a moment contemplating what just transpired, files the whole exchange away for future consideration and with burning ears and a heavy heart he drags himself out of bed to change his pants.

Chapter Text

He’s early today, and waits patiently outside for the cleaner to let him in at 7am on the dot. He likes coming at this time because he finds that morning exercise gets him energised for the day and the gym is always pleasantly empty. Except, as he unrolls his mat and begins to warm up with some stretches, there’s a blast of freezing morning air as the door opens and someone hurries inside. He’s wearing a cap pulled low over his eyes and a black mask and he wanders around for a second, looking lost before backtracking and noticing the sign for reception. He disappears into the hall and Jihoon thinks nothing of it until he’s partway through his dumbbell squat set and he feels someone watching him. He grits his teeth and finishes the last few reps without too much difficulty and puts the dumbbells on the bench with a heavy thud. He glances up and finds the masked man from before gingerly approaching from round the corner.

“Um, hello,” he says quietly, bowing politely. Jihoon reflexively inclines his head as well.

“Look, I’m really sorry if I’m interrupting you-”

“You kind of are.”

“-oh, sorry, but I, uh, just moved to this area and I was looking to join a gym. I heard this was a decent place?”

“It’s not bad.” It’s probably the best gym in town, but Jihoon likes it quiet. The man seems pleased that Jihoon hasn’t told him to piss off yet, so he continues.

“I guess you come here often?” He looks Jihoon up and down and nods approvingly. “You look great!” Jihoon blinks. He can’t tell if he’s being sincere or just trying to flatter him. There’s a void in the conversation where Jihoon could probably just turn away but he moves to fill it before he can escape.

“I’m Soonyoung by the way, Kwon Soonyoung. What’s your name?”

“Lee Jihoon.”

“Could you-”

“Look, I don’t work here,”

Soonyoung looks sheepish.

“and this isn’t the place for beginners. They have classes for that.”

“No, no I know! But do you think you could show me how to use all this equipment? I do work out but these machines are different to the ones I’m used to.”

“No.”

“But-”

“I’m busy.” Soonyoung glances behind him at the empty room.

“Are you?”

“Maybe if you didn’t interrupt me.”

“Geez, okay, I just thought…since you’re the only one here and all. You know what? Nevermind, I’m sorry I bothered you.” He starts to walk away, looking like a kicked puppy. As much as Jihoon wants that to be it, he knows he’s being an asshole. He sighs and shouts after him.

“Hey, wait!” The boy stops.

“Huh?”

“It’ll cost you.”

“What?”

“I don’t work for free.”

“I have to pay you?” Jihoon rolls his eyes.

“Just bring me a drink from the vending machine.”

“Oh. Okay!”

Soonyoung brightens again.

“You’re actually kind of nice, aren’t you?" Jihoon finds that most people generally wouldn’t describe him as “nice”, but whatever.

“Don’t mention it.”

Soonyoung returns with an armful of brightly coloured bottles.

“I didn’t know what you liked.”

Jihoon shakes his head and selects an iced tea from the pile. Soonyoung barely tugs his mask out of the way so he can sip his energy drink through a metal straw from his bag.

Jihoon appraises the sight of the two of them in the mirror, him in grey, his new acquaintance in black. Soonyoung’s got a good four inches on him, and he's leanly muscled and lithe whereas Jihoon is deceptively built; when he's wearing baggy clothes it's easy to miss how defined his muscles actually are. Soonyoung seems to have noticed, however, and is not nearly as subtle about stealing glances as he thinks he is. It's a weird feeling, being watched by him.

Jihoon asks Soonyoung if he has a circuit in mind but he shakes his head; it's chest and arms for Jihoon today, so he leads him over to the chest press. He hovers for a moment.

“Do you need me to keep my distance, or?” He gestures to the mask he’s still wearing. If he’s immunocompromised or something, Jihoon should probably help him from afar.

“Oh no no I just have a zit,” laughs Soonyoung. Jihoon finds that ridiculous but it does make him crack a smile. He helps him into position.

"Are you a P.T.?"

“What? No. What makes you say that?”

“You look very professional. And you told me to pay you.”

"I just know what I'm doing," he mutters, directing Soonyoung to grip the handles and pull them towards his chest. "So you just pull it-yes, like that, you got it. Okay let's try it once for weight." He lightly touches Soonyoung’s shoulder on instinct, just to check his form.

“Now relax your grip slightly and keep your wrists straight. You shouldn’t bend them.”

“Like this?” Jihoon moves his hands into position for him.

“Good.” Soonyoung tries a couple of pulls, focusing on following Jihoon’s advice.

"How'd I look? I think I can go a bit heavier." Jihoon nods.

"I agree, I think it's too light for you. We'll bump it by 5kg, and then do 3 sets of 10." He naturally instructs Soonyoung and watches him do the reps with a critical eye. He starts off very well; his form is good and he does seem to be familiar with the motion. His passion starts to wane in the last 5, so Jihoon starts to clap to spur him on.

"Just a little more, you’re almost there! Five is nothing!" He lightly supports his arms and helps him breathe through it.

"Yes, that's it. You're doing so well, just two more…there we go. Just like that."

"Oh god that was hard." Soonyoung slumps against the bench. His head lolls to one side and he regards Jihoon as he completes his own set without too much effort.

"I'm not kidding though, you're a great spotter. I bet you could be really successful running P.T. sessions if you wanted to- I know I'd come again."

Jihoon averts his eyes, embarrassed.

"It's nothing special. I just do this as a hobby."

"Nah you were great! And your voice is nice to listen to.”

“Well. Thanks, I think.”

“What's next, boss? Put me to work!" Soonyoung playfully flexes his biceps. Jihoon snorts and points to a rack of weights on the wall.

"The dumbbells and kettlebells are over there. Pick whatever you want and get into a low squat next to me." He seems baffled by all the options so Jihoon just hands him the 10kg dumbbells he was using and gets an equivalent kettle bell for himself.

Being around Soonyoung is strangely comfortable. Jihoon knows he has something of a cold or unapproachable aura to him, but Soonyoung seems totally unaffected now. It’s kind of nice, working out with someone else.

They spend another half hour cycling through Jihoon's usual upper body routine before calling it quits.

Soonyoung looks pretty tired out at this point, breathing hard but Jihoon could probably go a bit longer, so he declines his offer to shower at the same time and gets a few more cooldown stretches in as he waits for Soonyoung to wash up. He shuffles out a few minutes later with wet hair, no cap and no mask.

"All yours!"

Jihoon does a double take. He knows that smile, those eyes.

It’s Hoshi.

Jihoon panics and immediately starts to walk past him but Soonyoung grabs his wrist.

"Hey," he says in a small voice.

“Um, I have to get going-”

"Will you be here again tomorrow?"

Jihoon blinks.

“What?” He is trying to process the fact that he just found out Hoshi’s government name, and it’s Soonyoung, of all things. It’s way cuter than expected.

“I just think it’d be nice if we did this again.”

“I’m…here every day." It's not really what he's asking, but he seems like a good enough answer because Soonyoung grins back at him.

" NICE! I'll see you tomorrow then, Jihoon…ssi…?" He doesn't know how to finish, takes a stab in the dark. "Or, wait, can I call you hyung?"

"I was born in 96."

"Oh, my bad! We're actually the same age. I’m June."

“...November.”

He has the decency to look embarrassed, and Jihoon tries his best to look like he didn’t already know that.

"It's fine. People always think I'm way older or way younger than I am."

"Same here! Well the younger part anyways. I think you look cool either way though. Bye now! See you soon!" He trots off, looking back and waving.

Jihoon just nods weakly.

He hits the shower, pressing his red forehead to the wall, letting the hot stream of water drench him. What was he thinking, letting Hoshi invite himself to his gym sessions? How is he supposed to live a peaceful life with his favourite streamer up in his face all the time? Christ!

He scrubs his face and smooths his hair back, searching the dull white tiles for an answer. Finding nothing in them but his distorted reflection, he weighs his options.

A) He can just try to be normal about it and take his knowledge of Soonyoung’s streaming to the grave whilst helping him with his workouts

B) He can stop coming to this gym and ghost Soonyoung

or

C) He can try to scare him away, and pretend like none of this ever happened.

B) is out immediately; Jihoon has been coming here for years, he’s friendly with the staff and it’s a walkable distance from his house-he isn’t keen on changing his routine, even if it would be the easiest way to avoid bumping into Soonyoung again.

He scrubs his scalp with the gym’s own 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, raking his nails through his hair in frustration.

As for A)...although he is happy to have been up close and personal with Hoshi, he is not confident in his ability to “be normal” about it. He’s not the best liar and mostly acted on pure adrenaline. And wouldn’t it be weird to watch the stream now that they’ve met? He doesn’t even want to think about what happened the other night. If he can get Soonyoung to lose interest in him, it won’t be his fault, and everything can just go back to the way it was. He can shelve the experience in his mind, where it will fade into a pleasant memory.

He finishes up his shower and gets ready to go into work. All he needs to do is be as blunt, snippy and difficult as possible to make him think twice about coming back.

Shouldn’t be too hard.

The next day, which is a Saturday, Jihoon keeps to schedule and is the first one in the gym as usual. He had hoped to have a little more time to get into character but a few minutes later the door swings open and Soonyoung steps in. He’s dressed simply today, just a black hoodie and some shorts, comfy trainers that have seen a lot of use. His zit must have cleared up because he’s mask-free today and God, he’s pretty.

He’s smiling but he's less animated than yesterday.

“Don’t tell me you’re tired already?”

“Didn’t sleep well.”

“I see. Well, exercise will wake you up. Let's work hard again today, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“I didn’t hear you.”

“Yes!”

“Warmup first.”

“Roger that.”

They start with some stretches before doing some light cardio just to get their heart rates up (not that Jihoon needs help with that). Soonyoung wanders over to the same machine as yesterday, getting ready to pull on the bar and Jihoon gives him a sharp look.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Working out?”

“No you idiot, you just did arms yesterday. You have to rest them and do something else today, or you’ll hurt yourself.” It’s basic knowledge. Soonyoung blinks blearily and smacks his own face as if to wake himself up.

“Obviously I know that, sorry. Still asleep.” He stands up and looks around.

“Um, we could do legs today, or?”

“We’re doing abs. Get into a plank first.” He complies without hesitation.

“You’re not level. Tuck your ass in.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, just do it right.” Soonyoung fixes his plank and Jihoon starts the timer.

“Hold it as long as you can.”

After a minute, his forearms are shaking and he’s screwing his face up in concentration. Jihoon expects him to drop any second, but to his surprise, he holds out for another twenty full seconds before collapsing into a heap. He’s kind of impressed.

Jihoon decides to ramp it up a bit and takes Soonyoung through some burpees, which are hellish, and weighted Russian twists, which make him regret being born. Jihoon keeps looking over at Soonyoung, waiting for him to throw in the towel but he just obediently follows Jihoon’s every command. Jihoon leads Soonyoung to the pull up bar. He’s breathing hard but hasn’t complained yet.

“Do you…do this circuit…every time you do abs…” Of course not, that would be crazy.

“Sometimes I change it up.”

“Damn. You must have abs of steel.” A lesser man might have taken that as an excuse to show off, but Jihoon just shrugs.

“You can do a pull up, can’t you? Some people I know can’t even do one, and they work out a lot.” Soonyoung must have a competitive streak, because he seems re-energised at the thought of doing well.

“Please, I love pull ups. Watch.”

He expertly jumps up to the bar and demonstrates a perfect set of ten, lightning fast, engaging his core as he should. He hops down and looks incredibly pleased with himself, and Jihoon is surprised at how good his technique is.

“Not bad, huh? Was 10 enough? Should I do another set-” He jumps up and starts to pull himself up but suddenly the soreness is too much and he falters. Jihoon rushes to catch him but he’s not prepared for the weight and they crumple in a heap on the floor.

“Soonyoung! Are you okay?”

“Ugh, yeah I’m fine.” Jihoon helps him up, frowning.

“What did I just say about your arms.” Soonyoung blanches.

“...Sorry.”

Jihoon sighs.

“I was going to tell you not to overdo it but I think you already have. Let’s just cool down and call it a day.”

“But it hasn’t even been an hour.”

“Sit.”

“I’m not tired, I swear.”

“Sit.”

He reluctantly plops down and copies Jihoon’s stretches. Jihoon knows he’s supposed to be icing Soonyoung out right now, but he looks so dejected that it thaws out his heart a bit.

“Your head is all over the place today.”

“It’s nothing, just work.”

It doesn’t seem like nothing, but it probably isn’t his place to ask. Jihoon purses his lips, already regretting what he’s about to say.

“Do you have plans for lunch?”

“What?”

“Lunch. I’d rather not eat alone, so I’m inviting you.”

“Oh.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No! I’d love to! I’m just surprised that you would want to.” Soonyoung looks down.

“What’s so surprising about it?”

“I don’t know, you yelled at me a lot today. I thought maybe I was annoying you or something.”

Jihoon’s heart cracks.

“Not at all!” On reflection, plan C was a stupid idea. “I’m sorry, Soonyoung, this is totally my fault, nothing to do with you. I got carried away with ordering you around. I’ll ease up.”

“If I’m bothering you just tell me,” he mumbles. “I know I can be a lot.”

“I think I can handle it.”

Soonyoung has to chew on that one. Jihoon offers him a hand and helps him up.

“Seriously, though, you’re not annoying, I promise. Working out with you is…fun.”

Soonyoung smiles.

“Well okay then. And I’m sorry for overdoing it, I just wanted to blow off some steam.”

“It’s okay, I get it.” He dusts off his pants.

“Right, let’s freshen up and then get out of here.”

“Kay!”

The pair of them reconvene outside the gym and start walking, Soonyoung following Jihoon’s lead. The sun is out and the area is bustling with people with armfuls of shopping bags, parents herding their boisterous children and couples ambling up the pavement, hand in hand. Distantly the sound of traffic blends with people shouting about their wares, and the hum of live music buzzes pleasantly in the background.

“Where are we going?”

Jihoon looks up from his phone.

“Are you dieting right now?”

“Yeah?”

“Thought so. My friend recommended this place that has this really good grilled chicken salad. I order in from there a lot.”

Soonyoung picks a table by the window and Jihoon sits opposite him. Jihoon orders a coke zero and Soonyoung picks some kind of fruity watermelon drink with tons of crushed ice and a sugared rim. They clink glasses and Soonyoung offers Jihoon a sip of his drink, but he declines.

“Do you want to talk about whatever’s bothering you?”

Soonyoung starts stirring the ice around his drink.

“We don’t have to get into it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s fine. It’s probably better to get it all out anyway.”

Jihoon nods.

“So I’m a choreographer,”

“Oh wow. Did you go to school for that?” It’s news to Jihoon. He always got the impression that Hoshi was more or less a full time streamer.

“Yep! I actually had some other stuff lined up right after my graduate showcase but I got injured and couldn’t work for a while, so I had to figure something else out whilst I healed. Shittiest timing ever. I’m getting back into it though- now I’m sort of freelance. Anyway,” he sips his drink.

“Recently, I booked a job and I had to make the choreography for this girl group. They’re pretty well known, and it was my first big gig, so I was super excited about it. I worked really hard on that routine, y’know. Put in a lot of late nights. In the end it came out really nice! I was proud of it.” He smiles ruefully.

“I showed it to the director and she loved it. I showed it to the VP of their company, and he loved it. Everything was perfect. We booked out four days for rehearsals before the music video filming and two more to get the details down before promos-all confirmed and signed off. I was literally an hour from my first session with the girls when out of nowhere, I got a call from one of the company reps saying that they’re sorry but they’re going in a different direction and they’ve decided to work with another choreographer.”

“Shit, I can see why you’re upset. That is so unprofessional.” Jihoon decides he needs to get the name of whichever employee screwed Soonyoung over so he can avoid them like the plague.

“That’s not even the worst part!”

The food arrives and Soonyoung starts angrily devouring his salad, stabbing chunks of chicken with his fork, stuffing them into his cheeks.

“I can understand changing your mind. Sometimes you have the whole thing figured out but you put it to music or you try it on stage and it just doesn’t fit the vision- I get that. And I would’ve been happy to edit it for them, but they wanted to use someone else. Okay, not ideal, but also not the end of the world. But when they say ‘different direction’, I assume that it means. Y’know, different.”

“You still got paid though, right?”

“I mean yes, thank god, probably only cause I made sure to invoice them right away, but then they handed it to the new choreographer, dumbed down all the hard moves and changed out the simple ones. They kept the chorus- otherwise known as the point of the song- exactly the same and did not credit me at all.” He takes a long draught of his drink.

“Jesus.”

“The mv just came out and it’s doing so well that I can’t open tiktok without seeing someone doing a challenge using my choreo. But no one even knows that it’s my work.” Jihoon nods sympathetically.

“The pay is whatever, but the credit…it’s like the only thing that can help you advance your career. It’s practically like cutting a chunk out of my resume. Anyone can claim they choreographed something, but if they’re not credited, who’s gonna take them seriously?”

“Surely you can sue?”

“Too expensive. And besides, they changed enough of the choreo that I doubt I’d get anywhere. It just sucks y’know?”

“Hey, I understand, believe me. I’m actually a music producer, and you would not believe the shady shit I’ve seen companies pull. Not that it’s a competition or anything, but I think it might even be worse with songwriting credits because those pay royalties. There’s a lot of ‘songwriters’ out there that don’t play anything but the system.” Soonyoung blinks.

“Wait, you’re a producer? I thought you were a personal trainer?” Jihoon flicks him on the arm.

“Clean out your ears, dumbass. I clearly said that I wasn’t, I just know my way around a gym.”

“Ohhh right, right. I guess I just assumed, since you’re totally shredded.” Jihoon just looks out the window, embarrassed.

"Eat your salad, oh my god."

Soonyoung grins and takes a bite.

“So you can play instruments?”

“Piano, guitar, drums…clarinet. All the usual ones,” he smirks.

“Amazing…and you make songs?”

“Yeah it’s sort of like what you do, I guess. But usually I make a bunch of demos and different entertainment companies will shop around for ones that fit their artists. Or they might commission me to write something specific and I’ll do my best to translate their vision into the track.”

Soonyoung takes in that information. He’s just looking at him, awestruck.

“What?”

“That is seriously cool, Jihoon. Wow.”

“It’s alright.”

“It’s extremely cool. You might be the coolest person I know. Have you written anything famous?”

Jihoon wrinkles his nose.

“Maybe.”

“C’mon, just tell me one.”

“Do you know ‘Downpour’? By-”

“By I.O.I, YES, oh my god. That song makes me cry every time I hear it. Okay wow, I didn’t know my new workout partner was also a musical genius, damn.” Jihoon smiles. He usually doesn’t like compliments, but he finds that he doesn’t mind when they’re from Soonyoung.

“You love music, right?”

“Yeah.” He really, really does.

“Me too.”

Jihoon asks for the bill and pays for it without showing it to Soonyoung.

“Hey, I was going to get that!”

“No you weren’t. I’m cheering you up.”

“But I’m trying to thank you for listening to my problems!”

“You get it next time then!” Soonyoung looks happier at the prospect of a next time.

“Okay.”

Jihoon shrugs his jacket on.

“Is there anything else you wanna do today? To keep your mind off it?” Soonyoung thinks for a moment.

“Retail therapy.” Jihoon is more of an online shopper himself, in fact, he hates shopping- but this isn’t about him. He holds the door open for Soonyoung.

“Lead the way.”

They peruse the shops on the next street over, where the restaurants give way to apparel and jewellery, and the window display of one shop catches Soonyoung’s attention. It looks pretty fancy, with elegantly posed mannequins modelling well cut garments.

The sales advisors greet them warmly when they enter, and the displays are very neat and tidy, with sleek black and silver branding. The clothes are arranged by colour story and there are shelves of coordinating shoes and accessories in each area. There are touchscreens where you can scroll through their online catalogue for different sizes and colours. Soonyoung starts browsing through a wall of shoes, eagerly showing Jihoon the ones he thinks are pretty. Jihoon is happy to watch him and occasionally picks up something himself, but he reasons that he doesn’t really need any more slides or black t-shirts. Soonyoung tries on several pairs of sunglasses, and Jihoon thinks they pretty much all look good on him, but he’s not satisfied and puts them all back. After a few minutes flitting around the outerwear section, Soonyoung seems to be transfixed by one particular garment.

He turns to look at Jihoon over his shoulder.

“Look at this jacket. Isn’t it so pretty??” It’s a bomber jacket in tiger print, with a high neck and a silver ring zipper pull. Very Hoshi.

“It’s nice.”

“Right?!” Soonyoung pets the sleeve.

“It’s soft as well,” he sighs.

“You should try it on.”

He looks around for a member of staff and just checks that he can take it from the display.

“She said it's the only one in the store, so you can just take it off the mannequin.”

“Okay.”

He disappears into the changing room to peel off his own jacket and fix his hair. He steps out from behind the curtain and turns around once with a flourish.

“How do I look?”

“It suits you.” Probably an understatement. It fits his body well and the stripes coordinate with his black hair and pants. It's undeniably tiger-flavoured but very fashionable.

Jihoon gives him an enthusiastic nod. Soonyoung grins, and regards himself in the full length mirror.

“It does, doesn’t it? I want it so bad.” He checks the tag and pales.

“On second thought, never mind.” He reluctantly takes it off, a lot more carefully than before.

“How much is it?”

“Too much. Ah, one day I’ll be able to afford something as nice as this.”

“It’s that expensive?” Jihoon knows nothing about fashion, he has a handful of brands he likes and he sticks to them. What could it cost?

“Yeah, there’s no way. I’ll see you in my dreams, tiger jacket…”

Soonyoung gives it back to the sales advisor, who puts it back on the display. He makes a beeline for the hat section and starts looking through the beanies. Jihoon hangs back and checks the tag on the jacket.

He whistles through his teeth. Pricey indeed.

Soonyoung shows him a cute brown beanie with the brand embroidered across the rim. It’s simple but versatile and clearly high quality. It’s adorable on him.

“I think I’m gonna get this.”

“Looks good.”

“Are you getting anything?”

“Maybe, I’m just gonna look around one more time.”

“‘Kay.”

Soonyoung waits for Jihoon at the front door, swinging his paper bag. Jihoon joins him, holding a much bigger bag.

“What did you get?”

“A present.”

He shoves the bag at Soonyoung, who takes it and looks at him quizzically.

“For me?”

He nods. Soonyoung looks in and parts the foil embossed tissue paper.

“No way.” He pulls out the tiger print jacket and nearly falls to his knees.

“Jihoon! What the fuck!”

“What?”

“I can’t accept this!”

“Why not?”

“It’s too expensive!” Jihoon folds his arms.

“You wanted it, right?”

“Well, yeah, but-”

“Right, that’s what I thought.” He shoves a hand in his pocket.

"Just think of it as a birthday present."

"But it's not my birthday till next month!"

"Then I'm just being organised."

“No, seriously, how am I supposed to repay you for this?”

“Don't be stupid. It’s a gift.”

“But…are you sure?”

“I can literally return it right now if you don't want it.” He brandishes the receipt.

Soonyoung snatches it from Jihoon's hand.

“No! That won't be necessary-I’ll wear it forever.”

“Please wear it a normal amount.”

“I’m going to be buried in this jacket.”

He puts it on straight away, and it really does suit him.

Soonyoung has some family thing to go to in the evening, and Jihoon does have emails he could be answering, so he walks Soonyoung to the subway station and they wait together on the platform.

“Hey,” Soonyoung taps Jihoon on the shoulder, holding out his phone.

“Give me your number! So we can schedule our sessions.” Jihoon hesitates but eventually types his number into Soonyoung’s phone.

“I like your case.”

It’s black with a tiger on it.

“Thanks! Lemme give you mine too.” He takes Jihoon’s naked phone and types in his own number, writing his name as Soonyoungie <3. Jihoon stares at it but doesn’t edit it.

The platform is bathed in afternoon sunlight and Jihoon watches it highlight the planes of Soonyoung’s face, painting his skin gold. The train arrives faster than Jihoon would like. Soonyoung waves at him as he boards.

“Bye Jihoon! See you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early. 7am.”

“Yes sir!”

That night, Jihoon is surprised to see Hoshi’s livestream notification, which pops up next to the text he sent him a few minutes ago saying Goodnight. Jihoon doesn’t know how to reconcile seeing those two things next to each other. He opens the stream anyway.

Hoshi, or rather, Soonyoung, is having a midnight snack in his pyjamas, wearing the beanie he bought earlier. His eyes are kind of blown and he looks tipsy, if not drunk.

“You guys, I just met the nicest guy. He’s cool, and good-looking, and thoughtful, and look at what he bought me!” He brandishes the jacket. He laughs when he reads the comments.

“C’mooon guys, he’s not my sugar daddy. He’s just a friend.”

The stream buffers, freezing on Soonyoung’s beaming face and Jihoon can see himself reflected in the screen. He turns it off. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing.

Chapter Text

Jihoon sighs. He packs up his things into his backpack and checks his watch. 6pm exactly. He straightens his tie and locks up his office before heading out into the cool spring night to attend the company dinner. The light is dim and a certain barbecue smog clouds the air. The company is big, and the whole restaurant has been booked out just for the workers on his floor. More workers, thankfully, means it isn't too hard to blend into the background; if he plays his cards right he'll probably get away with a quick greeting to the boss at the beginning and try to slink away before the drinking gets too much. He needs to be up bright and early again tomorrow and can't afford to sleep in. He ends up sitting in a comfortable booth with two of his colleagues from the songwriting department, who are chit-chatting about people they work with that aren’t here to defend themselves.

“I have some insane gossip you guys,” murmurs Seokmin as they all clink their glasses and sip their beer and soju, or in Jihoon’s case, coke.

“So my friend was at a party and she said she saw someone from our department cheating on his boyfriend.” Seungkwan’s eyes go wide.

“How come I haven’t heard anything?” There are only so many people they work that closely with, and usually Seungkwan is the first to know when there’s drama.

“Is it someone we know?”

“Uhuh. It’s Director Yoon. He’s supposed to be dating Seungcheol, right? Well apparently he was seen kissing some guy! I’ve seen the photo and it’s definitely him.”

“Oh shit,” mutters Jihoon. Seungcheol is their mutual friend, but he’s known Jihoon the longest. If this is true, it’s a real tragedy. Seungcheol and Jeonghan always seemed happy together.

“What guy?”

“I don’t know, he’s from the translation team or something?” Jihoon tries to wrack his brain for anyone that he knows in that department, but other than Bae Shannon he's not sure.

“Did you get the name? Surname? Anything??”

"Uh, I think he has an English name but his family name is Hong or something like that."

"Hong Jisoo? Joshua?"

“Yeah, that was it! How’d you know?” Seungkwan nearly backhands him.

“You’re an idiot. Those three are a throuple.”

“Since when!”

“Since like a month ago! Keep up!” Seokmin looks at Jihoon, who can't hide his laugh. Just a misunderstanding, thank god.

“Did you know about this?”

“I thought everyone did.”

"And nobody told me?!"

“I mean they didn’t announce it or anything, but I thought it was fairly obvious.”

“But just now you-”

“-We thought you meant he was cheating on both of them, duh,” sighs Seungkwan.

“that would have been juicy.”

“Oh. Well then nevermind. I actually don’t have any gossip then.” Seokmin huffs and starts attacking the meat.

Seungkwan pats him on the shoulder placatingly as if to say: it’s hard to be as clued up as him, but it was a good try and he’s happy to pick up the slack. He turns his attention to Jihoon.

“You’ve been awfully quiet, hyung, What’s new with you? Anything going on in your love life?” He's smiling because usually this is a fun topic to tease him about and a safe switch to lighten the mood, but instead of his usual snarky retort, Jihoon freezes and has to force himself to unclench his jaw.

“Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “Nothing whatsoever.” Seungkwan catches his insincerity like a bloodhound.

“You’re a horrible liar.” Seokmin joins in on the bullying, suddenly playing behavioural expert and pointing his chopsticks accusingly.

“Awful. Very stilted. Boo-ssi, do you see how he’s crossing his arms? That’s defensive. Clearly he has something to hide.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Seungkwan leans back in his seat, holding his hands in the air.

“Fine, fine, be that way, hyung. I’m not gonna make you tell me if you don’t want to. Buuut I will just point out that your ears are bright red.”

"Classic sign of guilt."

Jihoon sighs.

“I might have…met…someone…” Seokmin and Seungkwan share a look, shocked that they didn't have to grill him like samgyeopsal.

"Tell us everything.”

Jihoon scratches the back of his neck. He hates being the centre of attention, but he could probably do with some advice.

“I met him at the gym,” he begins, and Seungkwan grips his arm.

“Is he hot.”

“I don’t think that’s relevant-”

“But is he though?”

“Objectively.”

Jihoon pictures Soonyoung’s smooth golden skin, the taught flex of his muscles, the flash of lean abs when he stretches.

“...Yeah.” The two of them nod approvingly.

“ Anyways. He said he just moved here so I helped him with the machines and at the end he asked if we could do it again.”

"Ahh the old helpless newbie gambit. I see."

“And what did you say?”

“Well at first I said no, but he wore me down.” Seungkwan looks pleased.

“Okay so far so good, I’m proud of you.”

“So we’ve been meeting up regularly and I don’t know, he’s just so nice. He talks a lot, which is good because he doesn’t let it get awkward, and he also asks me a lot of questions. He always seems interested in what I have to say. And he’s really energetic, or should I say passionate? He doesn’t do things by halves.” Jihoon is also more animated now, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. Seokmin and Seungkwan are, frankly, stunned by this information.

"You've been meeting up? How often?"

"Yeah, aren't you swamped with deadlines right now?"

"Every day for the past week, actually. I don't know. I'm always at the gym before 7, but now he's there too. It's time I usually spend alone." He shrugs. "Being around him makes it more enjoyable, I guess." He hardly needs his alarm to wake up anymore. Somehow, without really thinking about it, Soonyoung has become part of his routine.

“Wow.”

“He sounds perfect for you. Have you asked him out yet?”

"Well, no, not exactly.”

“Why not?”

“What, are you shy?”

“No, no it’s not that. It’s just…” Jihoon knits his eyebrows together, trying to figure out how to say this. “Okay this is really embarrassing and I’m only telling you this because I trust you, so don’t make me regret it, but.” He ushers the two of them closer so he can whisper.

“I actually sort of know him because he’s my favourite camboy.”

Seungkwan’s eyes go round like saucers but he thankfully doesn’t laugh. Seokmin chokes on his drink.

"I'm sorry??"

"You heard. I'm not saying it again."

“Okay, just checking! That is…not what I was expecting you to say, I’ll be honest. But I still sort of fail to see the problem here. You like being around him and think he’s super hot even in 360p. It’s a plus in my book.” He wiggles an eyebrow, and Seokmin, now recovered from the shock, cuts in.

“You said he’s really nice, right? He keeps asking to see you?”

“Yeah. I was actually pretty mean to him at first but he kept coming back.”

“Probably liked it,” Seokmin snickers and Jihoon glares at him. Seungkwan claps his hands together.

“Ohh I get it, you don’t want to share him with his fans. You want him to quit his job!”

“No! I am a fan. I obviously wouldn’t tell him to quit streaming if he likes doing it.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I’m the weird one in this equation. Like, I have paid money to see him–”

“See him what?”

“You know what, you don’t need to know. The point is, I feel like a total creep just keeping it to myself but at the same time I really don’t want to tell him that I’m a fan, because that would make him feel weird! Like, what would I even say? Sorry but I just thought you should know, I'm actually a huge fan and I know everything about you, hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable! I mean, really.” Jihoon frowns. “And then there’s also these thoughts that I keep having. Is he just being friendly, and I’m taking it to mean something it doesn’t because I’m being parasocial about it? Do I just like the idea of him? Is the version of him I’m seeing even real, or am I conflating it with what I’ve seen on the screen? His whole thing is about making you love him; he’s supposed to be charming. How do I know he's not just having fun with me?"

"Hyung-" Seungkwan starts, but Jihoon cuts him off, talking a mile a minute, more words than he's ever said in one go.

"-and even if we ignore all that, I don’t know how to be someone’s boyfriend! I’m always stuck at work,” he gestures to the company dinner, and it’s already 11pm, “and I’m not exactly…fun to be around. He's nice and funny and friendly, meanwhile all I do is intimidate people and avoid going outside. Aren’t we too different? Maybe I’m just better off alone.” He covers his face with his hands.

There's a hollow moment where Jihoon deflates. “Sorry guys, I don’t know what I’m saying. I just like him so much.” It’s unlike him to be this vulnerable. Maybe it’s the atmosphere, or he’s been keeping it inside for too long, but he just needed to get this off his chest.

His friends draw him into a hug, immediately going into mother hen mode and for once he leans into it, blinking away the tears that threaten to fall. Jihoon's not a crier, but sometimes it’s too hard to pretend he’s okay.They know he tends to get self-destructive when he’s backed into a corner, and for all his toughness, he’s quite delicate on the inside. Seokmin is an affectionate guy; he becomes even more so when someone is upset, and Jihoon knows he’s only trying to make him feel better so he allows it when Seokmin presses his face close to kiss his cheek.

“You’re a catch, hyung. There’s so much to like about you. You’re thoughtful and kind and super talented and cool. And good looking! Our Jihoonie hyung is the best.” Jihoon nods, trying his best to believe it and Seungkwan squeezes his thigh.

“Hey. I think you’re overthinking it. Maybe it’s weird, maybe not. If it were me I’d just keep it to myself- who’s gonna tell him? And I see what you mean about not knowing whether you’re into him or just into the fantasy, but you’ll never know unless you try, right? I don’t know the guy, but the way you talk about him makes me think the two of you have potential. It’s pretty rare for you to like someone in the first place.”

“Yeah! And look on the bright side! You're fun when people get to know you, and it sounds like he's trying his best to do just that. Would he keep seeing you if he thought you were boring?” He meets Seokmin's warm brown eyes and wilts a little.

“I suppose not.”

“C’mon, that means he likes you, hyung!"

"But what if he realises that being with me is too much work?"

"If he's right for you, he'll stick with you no matter how hard it is."

"Besides, you can't decide that it's not going to work out before you even ask him out. That’s just giving up. And I know you’re not a quitter." Jihoon purses his lips. If he thinks about it, he does have a habit of avoiding things unless he knows they will go well. His perfectionism at play. It seems silly, in retrospect.

"When did you two get so wise?"

Seungkwan scoffs.

“I’m an expert in matters of the heart!”

Seokmin bursts out laughing, and Jihoon takes a breath, feeling lighter.

"I'll talk to him."

"Excellent! To Jihoon-hyung's future!"

The three of them bring their glasses together in a toast to his love life and settle into comfortable banter, foregoing the heavy topics for the day and eating their fill instead. And when the sea of empty plates is being stacked and cleared away, Jihoon pats his friends warmly, gives his greetings to his superiors and leaves the restaurant as early as socially acceptable, heading home, resolved.

Chapter Text

In the end, Soonyoung beats him to the punch. It’s Friday morning and they’re finishing up at the gym after another punishing workout, stopping by the vending machine on the way out to grab a drink. Jihoon chugs ¾ of his Pocari sweat in one go, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Soonyoung watches him, perched on the stone steps, holding his unopened water in both hands, fingers covered by his long sleeves. Jihoon wordlessly holds out his hand for the bottle and twists it open.

“Jihoonie,” His friends call him that, and they’ve known each other for ten years, but Jihoon doesn’t mind hearing it from Soonyoung too.

“Mm?”

“Are you busy later?”

“I’m at work till 6 today but I’m free after that?” Soonyoung grins. It’s not like Jihoon usually had plans but it was rare that he didn’t have to work late.

“Come to my place. I’ll cook for you!” Jihoon tilts his head, considering.

“I thought you couldn’t cook.” Soonyoung dismisses him.

“How hard can it be? I can follow a recipe. And if it sucks we can order takeout.” Jihoon admires his confidence.

“We can watch a movie. A new Marvel film just came out on streaming.” Jihoon was going to watch it by himself, but this is a much better idea.

“Okay.”

“Sweet! It’s a date.”

Did he hear that correctly? 

“A date?”

“Uh, if- you want it to be,” stutters Soonyoung, who was actually maybe joking.

“Yeah, I do.” Jihoon smiles, eyes crinkling up and Soonyoung’s heart skips a beat. Jihoon is really disarming when he’s confident like this.

“Oh. Great, perfect. Um, meet me at 7? I’ll text you my address.”

“Okay.”

They part in comfortable silence, and Jihoon is smiling like an idiot on the walk to the office. His work day is long, and filled with endless little annoyances, but having something to look forward to makes the time go by faster, and his good mood isn’t dampened.

When he makes it back to his apartment, the reality of what’s about to happen dawns on him, and his insides are fizzing with anticipation. He flings open his wardrobe and looks for something appropriate to wear. Button up shirts, hoodies, and sweatshirts pile up in a lump as Jihoon rejects garment after garment. None of these will work. He wants to look nice and put-together, obviously, but he’s just going to Soonyoung’s place, not out to a restaurant or anything, so he should be sort of casual? Maybe he should go shopping for next time. He should ask Seungcheol, or maybe Seungkwan for advice. He thumbs past a blazer that’s really flattering but probably too formal and eventually settles on an oversized denim jacket over a t-shirt and some wide leg jeans. He wouldn’t usually go for double denim but they’re different colours, so it’s probably okay. He spritzes his hair with some water and messes with it until his bangs sit right, and checks everything in the mirror before he leaves the house, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.

“Jihoon, hi! You’re early.” His impatience got the better of him; if he had waited any longer he might have made up an excuse to bail.

Soonyoung opens the door and tries to pull Jihoon into a hug when he sees him, and Jihoon escapes by pressing a small box into his hand. He’s not sure if he’s ready to be that close.

“I thought about getting you flowers, but I didn’t know if you liked that sort of thing, so I brought this instead. It’s nothing much.” It’s a box of twelve mochi decorated to look like various animals. There’s a tiger, of course. Soonyoung graciously accepts them and shows Jihoon inside after he toes off his shoes. He lives on the ground floor, “So I don’t annoy my neighbours with my dancing,” he explains.

“These are so cute, oh my god. Thank you! I don’t know if I can eat them, they have little faces!”

“The humane thing to do is eat them in one bite. Give them a painless death.”

“It’s the only way.”

“How was your day?”

Soonyoung grins.

“Much better, now that you’re here!” It’s cheesy, and Jihoon smacks him but there’s no bite to it.

Jihoon follows Soonyoung through the hall into the kitchen, which is a total mess. There are ingredients littering the countertop, a cutting board loaded with green onions that are nearly falling off it, packs of noodles scattered around, various sauces and seasonings half open, a number of spoons and other utensils lying around out of their drawers.

“What on earth happened here?” At Soonyoung's expression, he amends his tone. “I’m not judging, it just looks quite…chaotic in here.” Soonyoung knows he’s not a perfect cook but he’s trying his best.

“Hey, I practised making jjajangmyeon yesterday and it was surprisingly edible! Sure, it looked bad but it was kinda good, actually. I think I did a great job.”

“This is supposed to be jjajangmyeon?”

“Well no, today I’m doing budae jjigae. Pretty hard to mess that up. Come help me chop stuff.” That makes more sense. At least there’s method in the madness. The reddish soup broth is bubbling away on the back burner and truthfully, it smells great. Soonyoung hands Jihoon a knife and moves the green onions into a bowl so he can use the chopping board, before rifling around in his cupboards looking for another one he’s sure he has somewhere. Jihoon applies himself to slicing king oyster mushrooms, tofu and sausage and Soonyoung eventually finds what he’s looking for and chops the rest.

“Ooh, sick knife skills. How do you do it so fast?” Soonyoung looks at Jihoon’s chopping with awe. Jihoon slows down so he can see.

“Make a claw shape with your hands, yeah that’s right,” he moves Soonyoung’s hand into place.

“Now rock your knife back and forth. Your knuckles should be clear of the edge.” He picks up the technique remarkably quickly.

“Do you cook much? If you’re secretly an ex chef or something I’m gonna be mad.”

Jihoon laughs, finishing up his chopping and cleaning up the counter a bit. He helps Soonyoung put the ingredients into a large pot before topping it with the broth and bringing it to a boil.

“Nah, nothing like that. I have a friend who is though, and he showed me some things. I like cooking but I don’t usually see the point in it if it’s just for me. Much easier to order in, or just make premade stuff.” Soonyoung nods, he also doesn’t really cook, but he’s making an effort today. Jihoon appreciates it, it’s sweet, really, and the warm, fond feeling he gets when he’s around Soonyoung is there again.

“Invite me over, then,” pouts Soonyoung.

“I plan to.”

“Good.”

They add the final ingredients: cheese, green onion and tteok and wait for a few minutes before ladling out two generous portions. Jihoon microwaves some instant rice and Soonyoung grabs some kimchi from the fridge and the two of them carry everything over to sit cross-legged on the plump cushions around Soonyoung’s coffee table because it’s comfier than the breakfast bar. It smells amazing actually, and they clink their spoons together before they take their first bites, eyes watering because it’s still molten hot. Jihoon wolfs it down anyway, exhaling hot steam through his teeth, burning the roof of his mouth, and goes for another spoonful immediately, taking care to blow on it for longer this time.

“This is delicious, Soonyoung. I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”

“I know right? Must be your magic touch.”

“I hardly did anything. This was all you.”

“Like I said, I can follow a recipe. We should really be thanking Baek Jong Won-ssaem for writing great instructions. I feel like I could make anything!” Jihoon pulls out his phone and quietly subscribes to Baek Jong Won’s Youtube channel. He puts it down on the coffee table with a metallic clack.

“Pick something out and we’ll make it at mine next time.”

“Deal!”

There is nothing left of the meal when they’re done with it, having scraped up every last drop of soup and stray grain of rice. It’s not exactly gourmet, but it’s filling and tasty, which is all Jihoon really wants out of a meal anyway. They wash up in tandem, Jihoon scrubbing and rinsing the utensils and crockery and Soonyoung drying and putting them away, because he knows where everything lives.

They sink into the sofa, warm and sated, and put on the movie Soonyoung was talking about. They get about a quarter of the way into it before Jihoon realises that Soonyoung clearly has no idea who any of the characters are, or what the continuity of the story is, because he keeps asking questions that any Marvel fan would easily know the answer to. He probably only knew about it because Jihoon had mentioned in passing that he wanted to see it when it came out. Jihoon tumbles that thought around in his brain, feels his face going red.

“You okay?” Soonyoung nudges him.

“Yeah, I’m good. Uh, where’s the bathroom?” He stands up.

“It’s the door in the hall, on the right. Do you want me to pause it?”

“No, don’t worry! I’ll just be a minute.”

Jihoon extricates himself from under the blanket they’ve been sharing and disappears into the hall. There’s a door on the left that’s half open, and he’s not trying to snoop but the mirror on the wall shows a sliver of the inside. It’s the room Hoshi films in; he can tell because there’s sound dampening panels and LED lights on the wall, and the leg of a tripod just out of view. He doesn’t go in and heads for the bathroom instead, running cold water so he can splash his face.

Soonyoung pauses it anyway.

He gets up to make popcorn, but remembers he already ate it all last week, so he opens the box of mochi instead and pops one into his mouth. It’s a pig, he thinks. It’s pink, anyway, and filled with red bean. Not too sweet, and pleasantly chewy. There’s a black sesame cat that Jihoon should have. He’s going to save the tiger for last.

Jihoon’s phone buzzes on the table. The screen illuminates and he recognises the wallpaper-the character is from the film they’re watching. It buzzes again while he’s looking at it, and a notification pops up.

He can't believe what he's seeing.

Jihoon returns from the bathroom significantly calmed. He is not prepared for the hard look on Soonyoung’s face.

"What, what's happened?"

“Jihoon. What does this mean?” He holds out a phone-Jihoon’s phone, and the screen shows one message on it.

[Wooahae, it’s your 12 month subaversary to @Horangi_Hoshi!]

“This is embarrassing,” he laughs, but Soonyoung isn’t in the mood. It’s Jihoon’s worst nightmare. “I can explain-”

“You watch my stream.”

“Yes, but-”

“You pretended like you didn’t know who I was.”

“Well, yes--”

“You’ve been subbed for a year!”

“Will you shut up for a minute and just let me explain, Jesus Christ, I can’t get a word in!”

It’s harsher than he means it to be. Soonyoung bites down on whatever he was going to say.

“At first I didn’t, I swear. You were wearing a mask, remember? You wanted me to help you with the machines but I said no, didn’t I?” He’s trying to go through exactly what happened but it’s coming out wrong, his words are knotted up and it gets worse the more he tries to explain.

“Oh, I get it, you weren’t interested until you knew it was me.”

“You kept talking to me! I felt bad for being rude to you so I said okay!”

“Don’t put this on me, I thought you were a normal person.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Are you serious? Why do you think I had to move!”

“What are you even talking about?” Jihoon doesn’t know where all this is coming from. Weren’t they fine, just a few minutes ago?

“Don’t play dumb.” He looks back at the phone screen, numbly taps it to wake it up. “I remember this username.” His face twists. “You donated a lot of money that one time. I was so happy.” He laughs bitterly. “You’re the same as all the others.” Jihoon doesn’t like where this is going.

“Hey, I don’t know what exactly you think is going on here, but I really don’t do that often, it was one time-”

“The gifts, the gestures, the attention, all of it was to get close to me, wasn’t it? I bet you thought that if you spent enough money I’d let you fuck me.”

Now that is crossing a line.

“Is that what you think of me?”

“What am I supposed to think!”

“Soonyoung, you’re jumping to conclusions, I would never-”

Soonyoung’s eyes go wide, looking like a caged animal.

“Oh my god, I told you my real name,” he’s panicking now. “And you know where I live. Ugh I’m such an idiot!” Soonyoung can’t believe this is happening. He really thought Jihoon was different, but things that seem too good to be true, often are.

The cogs start turning in Jihoon’s brain. He doesn’t have a clear picture of the situation, but he needs Soonyoung to know that it’s different. He isn’t like that.

“Soonyoung. I promise, I swear, I am not a stalker. I’m just a casual fan that happened to bump into you. I was going to just ignore you, finish my workout and forget we ever met but then we started seeing each other more and I-” He knows how it sounds. Jihoon has so much he wants to say, but not like this. The silence hangs above them, a Damocles sword ready to fall. Soonyoung can’t look at him.

“Let me guess. You started to like me for real?” He spits the words out like poison from a wound. Jihoon’s stomach drops like lead. “Unbelievable. You sound exactly like him.”

Jihoon doesn’t know what that means, or rather, he hopes his guesses are wrong. He takes a tentative step forwards, afraid to reach out. Soonyoung flinches away from him.

“Stay away from me.”

“Soonyoung, please. I don’t know what happened to you, and it sounds like you were hurt very badly, but it isn’t the same. I’m not going to do anything to you, I would never-I just want to talk. Please believe me.” Soonyoung doesn’t know what to believe anymore. He knows what he wants to be true, but he also can’t afford to make the same mistake twice. He looks pointedly in the direction of the entryway.

“I think you should go.”

Jihoon wants to argue, wants to make him see reason, but Soonyoung is clearly done talking. He gives him a wide berth as he walks past, the fight going out of him. If he looks over Soonyoung’s shoulder, the movie is waiting, frozen. He wishes they could pick back up where they left off. He opens his mouth to apologise, but even now, the bruised, prideful part of him doesn’t think he should. He hasn’t done what Soonyoung is accusing him of, and can’t believe that Soonyoung would think this badly of him. The best thing is to leave him to cool off, let him sleep on it and try again tomorrow. In the end, he says nothing as Soonyoung closes the door in his face. He heaves a great sigh as he leaves the building and looks up to the sky, blinking his heavy eyelids. In the drizzle, nobody even notices the tears that fall in fat drops, mingling with the rain on the darkly mottled pavement.

Chapter Text

A week flies by, and then another.

Jihoon tries to message Soonyoung the next day, but finds himself blocked. His personal socials are all private again. He does his workouts alone, the way he always used to, but it’s different now and all the weights feel heavier than they should. Once or twice in moments of true weakness when sleep won’t take him and the darkness closes in he goes to Hoshi’s account to see if he’s uploaded anything, but he never does. He writes a letter that he doesn't send, because words are failing him more than they ever have. His thoughts are stuck together, tangled like webs. He crumples them up and banishes them to the waste paper basket. He contemplates going to Soonyoung's house; he remembers where it is, and it’s the only way he can think of to see him in person and properly explain himself but it feels like a hard boundary he shouldn’t cross. For all Jihoon knows, he might not even live there any more.

And just like that, Soonyoung disappears from his life. He can't help but feel like he deserves it for even thinking that he could have this. What did he think was going to happen?

He's just not built for love.

Jihoon tries to bury himself in his work, throwing himself into it like never before, but it’s summer now and all his songs are getting rejected for being too sad. He can’t bring himself to write the cheerful summer jams the company is looking for, so he uses up ten days of paid leave at once and just wastes it all at home. On the tenth day Seokmin and Seungkwan come barging in with soup and medicine.

“I’m not sick.”

“You don’t take time off unless you’re sick,” quips Seokmin, unpacking a feast of side dishes, and the seasoned crab from Seungkwan’s mother.

“...”

“Seokmin, he’s heartsick.” Jihoon rolls over so he can’t see either of them. He’s happy for their company but he doesn’t really want to talk about it.

“I’m tired, Kwannie.”

“I know, hyung. I’m sorry.”

They do their best to distract him, telling him about how the department is going to pieces without him and how it’s good grounds to ask for a raise, amongst other bits of gossip. It works for a while. But they can’t stay with him forever, as much as he’d like them to, so when they eventually shuffle out with promises of calls twice a day and a muffin basket he’s left with nothing but his thoughts once again.

Jihoon sits down in front of the piano and begins playing around with some notes, some chords. Anything to drown out the words that keep playing on a loop in his head. His fingers drift, predictably, to the minor keys, and he’s not at work, so he lets himself have this. He can't cry anymore, is sick to death of crying, but he catches the feeling and something begins to tumble out of him like a deluge, naked sorrow twisting itself into something softer, more yearning. The music is the easy part. The rise and fall comes naturally to him; he knows how to shape the image in his head into a melody and his practised hands comply easily. Translating his emotions into lyrics is much harder. Usually he has some direction from the company; a mood, a vibe, a season, but this is a rare experience; writing for the sake of writing. It’s like travelling without a destination, and he tries not to get too lost in it, focusing on turning his destructive thoughts into an act of creation.

It was mid afternoon by the time Seungkwan and Seokmin left. It’s pushing 9pm now, and he forgot to eat, but he’s finally finished. For all his trouble, he has 2 verses, a chorus, and a bridge. He doesn’t know what to do with it, but standard procedure is to send it to Bumzu for his opinion, so he queues up an email for Monday morning and goes to bed early.

Soonyoung runs to catch the revolving door before it closes, and he very nearly gets his sleeve trapped sliding in through the gap. The receptionist gives him a lanyard and he follows a representative through several levels of security before showing him through to a shiny chrome elevator. He feels his stomach drop when it starts moving, and checks his watch. He’s just about on time. He gets off at the fourth floor, not even halfway up this massive building, behind the hurried steps of the employee. There’s two more doors before he is shown into a little square waiting room that adjoins the practice room.

“Just wait here please, someone will come and get you soon. You’ll be in room 407-B, okay?”

Soonyoung sits obediently and the worker rushes off.

After 15 minutes of picking at his nails and checking his phone, he starts to get antsy, and gets up to find the room himself. He hopes they haven’t forgotten about him. He walks down the corridor, seeing that all the rooms begin with a 4. He stops outside room 407-B and raps loudly on the door. There’s no answer, so he tries again. He’s about to give up and go back to the waiting room when he looks down; there’s light coming from underneath the door, so there must be someone in there. Frowning, he turns the handle and it’s unlocked. A man is sitting at a long desk with several monitors and a keyboard. A pair of headphones is lying on the desk, and there’s music playing from his speakers. Soonyoung is struck by the song he’s listening to; it’s beautiful. The melancholic piano and soft guitar are lovely, but the mournful, desperate voice is what catches his attention.

The music cuts off as the man notices him standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“Can I help you?”

“Um, I was told to come to room 407-B? I’m the new choreographer.”

The man stands up.

“Ah, I see what’s happened. They probably meant 407-A because this is my office and that’s a meeting room. Confusing, I know. It’s just next door. I’m Bumzu by the way, one of the producers here.” Soonyoung bows at a 90 degree angle, embarrassed. “Nice to meet you anyways. We’ll probably be working together at some point!”

“Nice to meet you too. I’m sorry for disturbing you! I’ll be going now.” He turns to leave but lingers for a second before closing the door.

“That song you were playing, is it one of yours?”

“Nah, this was written by my colleague Woozi.”

“Sorry, it’s just. Beautiful.” Bumzu smiles proudly.

“Talented guy. A genius, you could say. In fact, I’d bet that if you’re here to choreograph a song and it’s not one of mine, it’ll be one of his.”

Soonyoung nods, bows again for good measure. He’s excited to work with someone who can write like that.

He walks into the room next door, which is empty save for a long meeting table. He thinks he’s in the wrong place again but as soon as he sits down, a gaggle of official-looking people with shiny shoes and laminated key cards swinging from lanyards walk into the room. He recognises some of them from video calls, so he relaxes because this is probably where he’s meant to be. He spots Lee Chan, a stage coordinator he knows from his university, who smiles and bows at him, and Kim Mingyu, who he’s worked with from the film department. The creative director, Yoon Jeonghan, addresses him, looking stressed out.

“Soonyoung-ssi, I am so sorry, We had a scheduling mixup on the calendar so we’re all over the place today, I do hope you weren’t waiting long.” Soonyoung is definitely annoyed, but he wants to make a good impression. This is a big company, and this job could be his big break.

“No, no, I just got here. I was also sent to the wrong room at first.” Jeonghan pinches the bridge of his nose, and looks around.

“Well you made it in the end. I think we’re still waiting on one person…”

The door swings open again and the last member of the congregation walks in, carrying a laptop and a heavily tabbed notebook, with a scowl on his face.

Incredibly, it’s Jihoon. He didn't realise he worked for HYBE. Soonyoung looks over in his direction but other than flinching when their eyes first meet across the room, Jihoon avoids eye contact the entire meeting. The atmosphere is frosty, but they keep it professional and Soonyoung listens attentively to Jihoon’s succinct pitch for the songs, and Jeonghan’s explanation of the mini album promotion cycle.

“We’d like you to choreograph for the title track, Soonyoung-ssi. Actually, we meant to reach out to you earlier but everything got pushed back, you know how it is." He nods.

"I'll do my best."

"Wonderful. You should discuss your ideas with Chan but ultimately we’re giving you creative control over it. I have every confidence that you'll deliver-you come highly recommended.” He looks at Jihoon, who pointedly ignores him and he opens up his laptop and plays the demo for the title track. The intro fades in and it’s upbeat and surprisingly energetic. It's got a funky flavour with an addictive guitar riff that has Soonyoung already tapping his foot to the beat- there's a groove to it which he can definitely work with. But then the vocal starts and it's like being doused in cold water. It’s the one he heard in room 407-B. Woozi. He's staring now, but Jihoon won't look at him.

“Great work everyone! Remember the hard deadline is next week, so I need the demo choreo to be submitted to Chan for approval before Friday, okay? Art looks good to go, we can consult with wardrobe after lunch and then we need to scout MV locations asap. Any questions, you have my email, I do not work past 5pm.”

Jeonghan wraps up the meeting with a stretch, and everyone packs up their notes, chairs scraping as they tuck them under the table. Jihoon is out the door before Soonyoung can catch him, stuck behind a roadblock of people filing out of the room.

There’s no sign of him in the corridor. He looks at the print out of the lyrics he was given. The credits clearly say Woozi. He runs a hand through his hair. What a day.

He knocks back on Bumzu’s door, knowing full well he’s being a pest and it’s lunchtime, which is not a work hour. Thankfully, Bumzu is a laid back guy, and is calmly drinking a coffee, still parked in front of his desk.

“Oh, back again are you? How’d the meeting go?”

“Yes, sorry to barge in again, uh, it went well, thanks.”

“Great! I knew it would.”

“Look, I need a small favour.”

Bumzu raises an eyebrow.

“Can you play me that song again? I just need to check something.”

He shakes his head.

“No can do, I’m afraid. The first time was an accident-these things happen, what can you do- but officially, unreleased songs are off limits unless you’re working on them. Nothing personal, just a Copyright issue.” Soonyoung grimaces. “And it’s not my song anyway, I told you.”

“I know, I’m really not going to do anything with it, I just think it might have something to do with me. Personally.” That grabs his attention.

“What did you say your name was again?”

“Kwon Soonyoung. I know Jihoon.”

A flash of recognition passes over Bumzu. Hopefully whatever Jihoon had said about him wasn’t too horrific.

“Ah. So you’re the one.” He must look pitiful because he just sighs and beckons him over.

“Right. In that case, maybe you should hear it.” He passes Soonyoung a pair of headphones.

The full thing blasting through the headphones is so much sadder than the snippet he heard before.

If you’re listening to my heart, can you please come back to me?

The song winds down, Jihoon’s lamenting voice fading away. Soonyoung doesn’t even know he’s crying until the tears are dripping down his chin. He scrubs them away with his sleeve.

Bumzu takes the headphones and searches his face.

“What are you going to do, now that you’ve heard it?”

“I need to talk to him. Can you tell me where he is?” He pats him on the shoulder.

“His studio’s up a floor. Room 510. He won't have gone anywhere yet.”

“Thank you.”

He can’t wait for the elevator so he just bolts up the stairs, two at a time.

The layout is the same as the floor below so he easily makes it to room 507 and counts three more doors down. He raps his knuckles on the door maybe a bit too loudly because when the door opens Jihoon is scowling again.

"I am on LUNCH-"

It melts into practised neutrality.

“Oh. Soonyoung…ssi.” Soonyoung grips the doorframe.

“Jihoon. Can we talk?” Jihoon hesitates for a beat but steps aside to let him in. The room is not what he was expecting. Big windows awash with the glow of the purple-pink sun over the city. A stylish four-part mural wraps around a pillar, shiny audio equipment is arranged neatly across several work stations, guitars are displayed on stands, and the ceiling is studded with lights like stars.

“Did you have a question about the track?” The flat tone from the day they met is back again and Soonyoung hates it.

"No."

"Then what are you doing here."

“I'm trying to apologise.” Jihoon has his back to him, silhouetted against the window light, but he sees his shoulders tense. "The way I broke it off with you...I regret it."

“You don’t have to apologise, Soonyoung, we weren’t even dating. If this is just to clear your conscience, consider it cleared.”

“Well maybe we should have been.”

Jihoon rounds on him, incredulous.

“Are you for real? You’re the one who pushed me away, remember?” Jihoon shakes his head. ”I can’t understand you.”

Soonyoung winces, chastened.

“Then let me explain it to you, please.”

It's a bit rich to be saying that to him, but Jihoon says nothing, just gestures for him to continue.

“I know now that I was wrong about you, but you have to realise that to me it just looked too much like every mistake I ever made. I moved to that apartment because a fan stalked me and followed me to my old address," He's looking at the floor, and there's a slight tremor in his hand, which is balled into a fist at his side. "Before that, I had a boyfriend who was really nice to me at first, absolutely spoiled me, but as he got bored with me the presents stopped, and then the kind words did too, and when I had enough and broke up with him he would spam my stream with threats, try to dox me, pay people to spy on me...I had to get a restraining order against him. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I just seem to attract trouble. Obviously I love my fans-when they’re just people in a chatroom and they can’t hurt me. I nearly quit several times, but I needed the money, and it was the only job that gave me the time to work on my dancing. When I found out that you had been watching my stream for a year…I just thought about every single person that I’ve let close to me that just wanted to use me or had some sick fantasy they wanted to play out.” Jihoon clenches his jaw as he listens, but deliberately releases the tension before he says anything, determined to stay calm.

“I tried to tell you, it wasn’t like that.”

“I know, and I'm sorry I didn’t believe you. But they all tried to explain it away when they got caught, saying that they loved me, or that it was all a coincidence, or that I was acting crazy. You must think I’m so stupid. I can’t even tell what’s real and what’s not.”

“I don't think you're stupid, Soonyoung. When you’re used to hearing lies it’s hard to know what’s actually true. I can’t blame you for that. I should have handled it better as well, but I had no context for anything and even if I did, I couldn’t get my words straight. And really, I should have been honest with you from the beginning, but I was scared, so I’m sorry too.”

"Why would you be scared?"

"Are you kidding? I adored you. I thought you were way too good for me and I didn't want to freak you out."

"Oh."

"Kinda backfired, didn't it." Jihoon bites his lip, still unsure. "Hey, are we-okay?"

"Yeah, yes. We're good."

Jihoon takes a step and Soonyoung meets him halfway, offers a hand, and they share a comforting squeeze, afraid to hope for more than this. Soonyoung breaks the silence.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Go on."

"Be honest. Did you have anything to do with me getting this gig?" Jihoon looks him dead in the eye. He knows this is a point of pride for Soonyoung.

"I did mention your name to the director, yes, but it probably had more to do with the fact that Chan was desperate to work with you."

"Really?"

"You were on the shortlist anyway, on your own merit. I think I just nudged you over the edge."

"Thank you. It means a lot."

"Don't be silly. We all agreed you were the best man for the job." He smiles anyway.

“Jihoon?"

"Yes?"

"I heard your song. The one about me.”

Jihoon intertwines their fingers, a sad smile on his lips. The sun fades behind a thicket of clouds, and they are bathed in the soft pink neon of Jihoon’s Universe Factory sign.

“That’s surprising.”

“Bumzu-hyung let me hear it.”

“Did he now.” They’re standing close enough to whisper.

“It was so sad, Jihoonie. I’m sorry I hurt you that badly.” He exhales, and Soonyoung thumbs over his palm.

“You disappeared, Soonyoung. I went home that night fully intending to call you up in the morning and explain myself. But you vanished, and clearly didn’t want to be found, so I left you alone. I missed you so much.” Soonyoung grimaces.

"I thought about chasing you, but I thought if I did, I'd just make it worse."

"I made it hard for you, didn't I?"

"Mhm."

“In the meeting today…you seemed so unbothered. I thought you were over it, actually. I thought I totally blew my chance, and you didn’t care about me anymore. But then I heard your song.”

“You should’ve seen me last week. I was a wreck.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I, but you don’t need to keep saying it. I know.” He reaches up to swipe a strand of hair out of Soonyoung's eyes.

“Got a good song out of it, though.”

“It’s not bad. A bit dramatic.”

“It’s beautiful. I love your voice.”

I love you, he says with his eyes.

“Thanks. You’ll have to dance for me some time.”

There’s a promise in there.

“Do you think we can start over?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I think we can pick up where we left off.”

Chapter Text

Soonyoung shows up at Jihoon’s apartment a whole fifteen minutes early with a potted plant and a bottle of coke zero.

“What is that.”

“Venus flytrap. I didn’t think you liked flowers.” Jihoon accepts the gifts and goes on his tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

“Right. Nice jacket by the way.”

“Thanks. My boyfriend bought it for me,” he grins, and Jihoon rolls his eyes, but he gets a kiss on the lips for that one. Soonyoung gets a little excited and slips his tongue in and Jihoon is definitely into it but has to break away and pull him inside before his neighbours report them for public indecency.

“Patience, Soonyoung-ah.”

“Sorry,” he laughs. He kicks off his shoes as Jihoon is setting his presents down, bumps the door with his hip. It’s another story once the door is closed, and Jihoon is in his face, grabbing a fistful of Soonyoung’s shirt to bring him down to eye level.

“Hi handsome.”

He fits their lips together, leaning into Soonyoung’s smile. He releases his shirt and instead snakes his hands around Soonyoung’s neck, breathing him in, pulling him impossibly close. He can’t get enough of him.

Soonyoung once joked that he might get sick of him. Jihoon doesn't think he ever will.

Soonyoung pets the back of Jihoon’s neck, idly playing with his hair, which is long enough to tie up now. He hates to pull away but they’re still standing in the doorway. They’re forehead to forehead now, Jihoon pouting with kiss-slick lips.

“What.”

“Weren’t we—going to—watch-ah—the movie?”

“Later.” He peels the jacket off him, hanging it on a peg whilst he’s by the coat rack.

Jihoon drops to his knees and he goes for his belt buckle next, like a man of singular purpose. It does not get the same careful treatment.

“Jihoon??”

He herds Soonyoung towards the couch in the living room, and when the backs of his knees hit the cushions he falls back down into them. Jihoon hovers above him, looking at Soonyoung with hungry eyes.

“Any objections?” He’s dizzy with arousal, too stunned to speak, but he shakes his head no.

“Good. Open up for me.”

Soonyoung is supposed to be the flirty one, but he’s learning that when Jihoon gets in the mood he’s all sorts of fun. He gets between Soonyoung’s legs, opens up his pants with his deft fingers and noses against his underwear to get him interested and Soonyoung nearly forgets to breathe.

“Always wanted to do this. Want you so much.”

"Yeah?"

"Don't believe me?" Jihoon takes it as a personal challenge. "Let me show you."

Soonyoung's breath hitches as Jihoon looks up at him, cheek pressed against Soonyoung's cock.

“Look at you,” he groans.

“Look at you, gorgeous.”

Jihoon comes up from between his legs to kiss him again as if to prove a point; slow and deep, licking into his mouth and indulging in the taste of him. Soonyoung slips his hands into Jihoon’s back pockets and Jihoon reaches down to cup him through his thin boxers, having fun teasing. Soonyoung shivers, whining into Jihoon’s mouth, and he smiles- it’s better than he ever imagined. Better than any fantasy he could cook up, eyes glued to his laptop screen in the dead of night. Nothing compares to the real thing. Jihoon nips his bottom lip and Soonyoung tries to chase after him, wanting more kisses, but screws his eyes shut in surprise when Jihoon pulls him out of his pants and stretches his lips around his cock, giving him a good drawn out suck.

“Fuck.” He’s heavy and pulsing and when Jihoon pulls away it stands up, bobbing up and down as he breathes raggedly. Jihoon blows cool air on the tip, licks it once, and nuzzles along the shaft with his cheek.

“Do you like that?”

“Yes, Jihoonie, please, oh my god.”

“Mm. I could have you just like this. Blow you right now…” He considers it.

“But I think you can wait a little for something better, can’t you baby?” And oh Soonyoung likes the sound of that. His cock twitches and he bites his lip but he nods. He can wait. Soonyoung’s thighs are shaking as Jihoon pulls his pants all the way off. Then he makes a show of taking his shirt, pants and underwear off, torturously slow, and Soonyoung fumbles to remove his as well. They’ve fooled around a bit, but Soonyoung’s never seen him totally naked before, and god, his body is to die for. His chest is big, and he has a lovely divot down his stomach, dipping down between the columns of his abs. Soonyoung wants to lick it.

“You’re so sexy, what the hell.” Jihoon does an unnecessary stretch, just to show off. Soonyoung feels like he’s drunk. He reaches out to touch but Jihoon bats his hands away.

“Paws off, baby. I told you to wait.”

“Jihoonieee,” he whines, “I’m sorry but, I actually don’t think I can wait.”

“You can’t?” Jihoon tries to look stern, but it’s not really working. Soonyoung's being inadvertantly cute, and he almost laughs.

“Really wanna touch you. Like, now.” He looks frustrated, but waits for permission anyway.

What Soonyoung wants, he gets.

“Alright, come here.”

He crawls over and Jihoon smiles, not even a little disappointed, and winds his fingers into Soonyoung’s black, black hair as he kisses up and down his neck, the white of his hands combing through, scratching lightly against his scalp and melting Soonyoung’s brain in the process. Jihoon is obviously hard too, and Soonyoung isn’t shy about taking him in hand and pumping him once, twice.

“How do you want me?” he murmurs into the red shell of Jihoon’s ear.

“How do you like it?”

“Me? I don’t mind, I can- I’m good with anything.”

Jihoon kisses him again, can’t get enough of his mouth, commits the moment to memory.

“Then I want to ride you.”

“Fucking hell, okay, yeah. Please.”

Soonyoung’s bag is next to the couch, and he leans down to grab the lube from it whilst Jihoon is sucking at his inner thighs. He taps at Jihoon, voice thick.

“Babe, ah, stop. If you keep doing that I’m not going to last very long at all.” Jihoon snorts and settles in his lap, trying to get comfy. He holds his hand out for the lube, intending to prepare himself but Soonyoung doesn’t give it to him.

“Can I?”

He nods, and Soonyoung wets his fingers with the lube and reaches around to press against Jihoon’s entrance. There’s a little resistance but he manages one finger easily enough, sliding it in past the rim and slowly out again, adding more lube to make sure it’s comfortable.

“That okay, Jihoonie?”

“Mm. You can add another.” He relaxes himself and Soonyoung adds another; by the third, Jihoon needs to stroke his cock to take the edge off, but once he’s used to it, Soonyoung crooks his fingers until he brushes against his prostate. Jihoon’s breath hitches.

“Ah, ah. There, Soonyoung-ah.” He goes for it again, and Jihoon flutters around him, briefly clenching. He withdraws his fingers, and looks around.

“What, why’d you stop?”

“Condom?”

“Don’t want one.”

He gulps, mouth suddenly dry.

“...are you sure?”

“Yes, Jesus, we got tested for this, come on.”

“Bossy,” Soonyoung mutters, but obediently lines himself up with Jihoon’s entrance, holding onto his slender waist. He drizzles a liberal amount of lube over his cock, then dives in for another kiss for good measure and Jihoon slowly sinks down onto him, letting out a hiss at the stretch but it burns in the best way.

He’s so full.

“Give me a minute, baby.”

“As long as you want.” He leans his forehead against Soonyoung’s as he breathes through it.

After a moment Jihoon gathers his strength and raises himself up with his thighs and starts moving up and down in Soonyoung’s lap.

“Ah, ahh,” Soonyoung moans as Jihoon’s lube-slicked ass bounces on his cock like he's got something to prove. Jihoon is less vocal than Soonyoung, but he grunts with effort every time he lifts himself back up, loving the sound of it, the thickness, the feeling of being filled to the brim.

“Pleasepleaseplease, Jihoonie, ah, fuck.” Jihoon’s thighs are very strong, so he manages to keep pace for a long time. He doesn’t say too much, too focused on fucking Soonyoung’s brains out. He’s getting less coherent by the second.

“Oh, oh, pleeeease, please, ahh, yes, baby-ah-” he babbles, eyes shut, chest heaving. Jihoon is slowing a little now, so Soonyoung shuts up for a minute and begins to thrust up into him, meeting him halfway. It feels amazing, and Jihoon’s cock is so hard, he’s leaking. He's keeping his hands behind him to steady himself and he can feel Soonyoung pressing against his prostate. He knows all he has to do is touch his cock and it’s game over.

“Soonyoung, baby, I- I’m nearly there-”

“‘M so close Jihoonie, I’m gonna cum. Is it, can I-”

“Yeah, cum inside, I want it.”

“Oh fuck, you are so fucking hot, god,” he growls, and it only takes a couple more thrusts before his vision whites out, he sees stars and Jihoon is rigid on top of him, impossibly tight and pulsing, fuck, with his eyebrows knit together, dark hair falling over his eyes, and mouth dropped open in ecstasy as pleasure arcs through him like lightning.

Soonyoung slips out of him and crashes back onto the couch, flushed and glowing.

"That. Was great. Wow, Jihoonie, you're like, good at everything."

Jihoon snorts.

He flops onto his side, blinks away the haze and Soonyoung’s eyes land on him, pupils blown, skin hot and sweaty with exertion, and they stay like that for a good minute or two, just looking at each other. There’s something he wants to say, but he thinks it might be too soon. Or too late, he doesn’t know. Soonyoung doesn’t take his eyes off him as he hoists himself up, somehow not completely bone-tired after all that, and offers his arm.

“Okay, up we get, Jihoonie.”

“No.” It’s too comfortable, and he wants to just lie here.

“C’mon, it’s gonna be gross unless we shower.”

“Don’t know if my legs are really working right now, babe.”

“Oh, well in that case...”

Soonyoung grins and moves to scoop him up, bridal style, heading to the bathroom to clean up. Jihoon lets him, too tired to protest. He picks him up easily, like he weighs nothing at all.

“Someone’s been working out,” he murmurs, leaning bonelessly against Soonyoung’s warm chest.

“I’ve got a really good trainer.”

Jihoon sighs fondly.

“’M gonna write a song about you.”

“You already did, Jihoonie.”

“Another one,” he mumbles, and another, and another. His eyelids are getting heavy. “A better one. Just as soon as I can walk again.”

Soonyoung laughs, and helps him into the shower.