Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

A screaming red brush stroke distorts endless green. He hears them talking, gushing and analyzing his art, sipping from champagne glasses. 

It's all bullshit and Cas tries to tune them out, his neck and shoulders hurting from the tension. He can feel him, looming in a corner, never letting Cas out of his sight. In his expensive suit, smiling (fake), talking to the pretentious assclowns who are buying Cas's art.

Money Dick is managing for him, like he is managing all of his life. Because otherwise Cas would still be on the street, taking drugs, silencing the pain inside. Dick is giving him the canvas, the paint, the brushes. 

In exchange he took Cas's freedom. Their eyes meet and Dick's smile turns dangerous. He waves him over. Cas's feet obey without a conscious choice. It's a good exchange. Freedom is a rope he wanted to hang himself with. 

He knows that he can't function without Dick. He leans on the wall beside him, his head slightly bowed. "How are they selling?" he asks, because he knows that's what Dick is interested in the most.

Dick's smile, while still plastered on his face, turns cold. "Not as good as the last show." Which means Cas is definitely going to pay for not creating something that sold better.

Which is fair. Dick had done his job, bringing him the audience, providing the platform, the materials. Cas is the one who failed him. 

"I'm sorry," Cas whispers, his eyes drifting over his art in the gallery. "I will do better next time."

"Yes you will." It isn't a comforting assurance, it's an expectation.

Cas waits patiently for the event to end, shakes hands with people Dick wants him to, smiling and nodding at what they say. Just like Dick expects him to behave. 

He tries to see a pattern between the pieces that sold and which hadn't. But it's hard to concentrate. Because Dick is joining him as the last people are leaving. "Do you want to go home?" he asks carefully.

Dick quirks his brow and grasps him by the elbow. A firm, hard pinch, but not something anyone will catch. "Yes. Get to the car. I have to thank the proprietor."

"Of course," Cas mumbles and nods, suppressing a gasp of pain. That elbow still hurts from his last punishment. 

Quiet as a mouse, he leaves the building and walks toward Dick's car, a red Ferrari. He doesn't have a key because he isn't allowed to drive. So he waits patiently for Dick to bring them home. 

It's cold outside, and the wind pulls harshly at his thin shirt. He didn't bring a jacket. Dick said the jacket didn't go with the outfit he had chosen for him.

He rubs his hands together, watching the fog curling every time he breathes out. It takes a long time before Dick finally emerges from the building.

Dick buttons the long dark blue peacoat as the wind rushes him and he reaches his car, unlocking the driver's side door and slipping inside without so much as a nod or acknowledgement.

As Cas tugs on the passenger handle, it's clearly locked. That is when the engine roars to life.

Cas looks in through the window and Dick isn't even looking at him. Just as he's about to knock, he hears the gears shift and Dick practically peels out as he pulls out onto the road, leaving Cas alone on the cold, dark street.

Fuck.

Cas looks after the vanishing car, feeling a sting in his heart. He has really disappointed Dick. So much that he doesn't want to take Cas home. 

It isn't the first time this happened, but it never fails to hurt Cas. A tear runs down his cheek as he starts to walk. He knows a place where he can go. A shelter where he can stay. He will try going home tomorrow, hoping Dick will forgive him then.

He feels like a frozen popsicle after an hour of walking when he finally arrives at the shelter. Everything hurts, and his teeth are chattering. 

The warmth from the building is welcoming, even though there’s a sharp sting against his skin at first. It has been two weeks since the last time he came here. He sighs as he walks down the steps to the office.

A guy is in there. Cas hasn't seen him before. He looks about the same age as Cas, with dirty blond hair and freckles. 

"Hello," Cas whispers in a shy greeting.

"Can I help you?" the guy asks in turn before he turns to the computer and starts typing away. 

"I…" Cas shudders as he wipes away another tear. "I need a place to stay for the night."

The man nods and starts tapping again on the keyboard. "Name?"

Cas hates people like him. Working in a field with humans, but preferring to look at a screen instead of the person's eyes when they are talking. It is a humiliating feeling. "Cas Novak," he replies quietly.

With a nod, still not making eye contact, the other man grabs a couple of papers and a clipboard. "Fill out the intake form. There's a pen attached to the clipboard," he says and then turns back to the computer.

Cas quietly walks over and quickly scribbles down Dick's home address on the form. He needs to write down a reason for staying here, so he takes a deep breath and writes: I disappointed my boyfriend and he is angry with me. I'm not allowed to go home.

He puts down the pen and looks up at the man. "I'm done," he whispers, noticing the man has vivid green eyes. Even in the fluorescent light the color looks beautiful.

The first time he makes eye contact is as he takes the clipboard from Cas. He reads over the form, stops and looks Cas in the eye again. "You're not allowed to go home?"

Cas furrows his brow. "Yes, that's what I wrote down."

There is a skeptical beat of silence before the man says, "Okay, go into room one, I'll be with you shortly." He points to the hallway Cas is familiar with.

His throat hurts a bit as he swallows. Cas feels tired and doesn't want to talk to the new social worker. But he knows he will be forced to do so or he won't be able to sleep here. He walks into the room… a cold one, white tiles, sterile. A cot, a white plastic chair. He leans on the wall, waiting.

A minute later the man walks in, holding another clipboard. "Go ahead and take a seat on the bed." He sits down on the chair and pulls out a pen from his shirt pocket. "My name is Dean and I'll be working your case."

Cas sits on the edge of the bed; the paper under him rustles. "Hello, Dean," he greets quietly. "Can we make this quick? I'm very tired."

Dean's eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn't say anything in response. "I need to get details so we can move forward for the next step. Are you an active drug user?"

Cas shakes his head. He hasn't taken anything since he's been with Dick. "No." Times like this make him wish he had some, though.

Dean nods and jots something down. "Are you a sex worker? And remember everything you say in here is confidential."

Cas bites down on his lip. "No. I have a boyfriend," he replies. An extremely jealous boyfriend. Dick wants him just for himself, and Cas likes that a lot.

"Is the boyfriend's place not an option for the night?"

"I already filled out that question on your form," Cas replies with an eye roll. Why is this man asking stupid questions? He only wants a warm place to sleep.

Dean lowers the clipboard onto his lap. "Okay, the next questions are going to be… not pleasant. What's your home situation like?"

"I don't know what you mean," Cas states quietly. His eyes are falling shut and he starts to feel annoyed. "I have a boyfriend… I live with him. He is angry with me, so I'm not allowed to sleep at home. Tomorrow he will hopefully have forgiven me, and I can go back. I only need a place to sleep for a few hours. Then I'm out of your hair. It's freezing cold outside."

"You know this isn't a hotel, right? This is for people with a genuine need," he says, tone exasperated and short. "Why should I give you a bed over a homeless teen? Unless there's a reason you can't go kiss and make up."

"If I had money or at least a jacket I wouldn't be here," Cas replies with a huff. "I would sleep on a park bench or whatever. But it's minus degrees out there and you see what I'm wearing, right?" He looks away with a soft head shake. "And I told you three times already that I'm not allowed to go home."

Dean rubs a circle around his mouth with his thumb and forefinger. "Guess I'm gonna have to be more blunt. Are you in an abusive situation?"

Cas looks away in shame. He is not stupid. He knows that his relationship is seen like that. Others before Dean have explained this to him already. "I…" He takes in a shuddered breath, his throat feeling tight. He can't get words out, so he shakes his head before he nods. "People say that to me, yes," he finally manages to press out.

Dean nods and writes something down. "What kind of abuse, and would you like me to get an advocate?"

"No. I don't want that," Cas replies quickly. "Um… I don't know how to answer your question. I don't see what he does as abuse. And he has every right to punish me for my failings because he does so much for me."

Dean appears as though he's about to say something, but thinks better of it. He writes something on the clipboard and says, "How does he punish you?"

"In different ways. At the moment by not letting me return home. Reminding me that he was the one who saved me from the street, and that without him I'll return there. Other times with physical things. Beatings… restraints… whip, cane or his belt."

Dean jots all of that down. "Okay, I'm going to get you a key to one of the rooms. I'm also going to write you a referral to a therapist and my contact with the Marjaree Mason center. They help people in your position safely leave your… situation."

Cas is only listening with one ear. He isn't interested in help, only in the room with a bed. "Thanks," he murmurs, rubbing his hand over his eyes. He isn't going to tell Dean that because the man isn't really listening to him either, and Cas has a feeling the guy will throw him out if Cas tells him in clearer words that he isn't looking for help.

“I can also get you in touch with a victim advocate with the police,” Dean says as he moves to stand.

Cas rolls his eyes. "I already told you that I don't want that. No police, no advocate."

Dean holds the clipboard against his chest. “Well, when it gets to that point, you know where we are.” He turns and grabs the doorknob as he adds, “I’ll get that key and take you to your room.”

"Yeah," he breathes out. "I... I really need some sleep. I haven't slept in the past two days so... no more questions, okay?"

“Look, buddy,” Dean says as he opens the door, “we need this info for our data accumulation, to keep getting our government grant that keeps those beds nice and clean. And you’re lucky we aren’t full tonight.” He doesn’t even wait for a response as he closes the door behind his matter of fact words.

What an asshole. Cas wonders how an insensitive guy like him became a social worker. The woman working here before had been so much nicer. 

He leans against the wall and closes his eyes, waiting for Dean to return with the key. His head feels dizzy. Dick had him work through the last few days to finish all the pieces for the show. It had been stressful. And the exhaustion is catching up with him. He's feeling every bruise on his body much more prominently, and it's hard to tune them out.

When the door opens again, Dean is holding a blanket, a pair of generic pajamas, and a small toiletry kit. “Alright,” he says, and holds the items out, “take these and follow me.”

Cas grabs them, feeling almost no strength in his arm muscles. He pulls them up and clamps the stuff under his chin, so they won't fall down as he follows Dean tiredly, one eye already closed.

Dean waves for Cas to follow, and opens a side door that leads to a hallway where all the rooms are. “Communal bathrooms with stalls. We only have showers.” Dean taps on a vending machine settled between two doors and an ice machine. “This machine takes change and tokens; if you don’t have money and want something to eat, or drink, we can give you a couple of tokens.”

He doesn’t have any money, and although he is hungry and thirsty, he needs to sleep. He gives Dean a quick nod, hoping that this concludes the tour and he can finally go to bed.

“There’s a phone. If you need anything, you can dial double zero and it’ll connect you with whoever’s at the desk.” Dean stops in front of the room at the end of the hall and uses the keycard to open the door for him. “We ask you be out by ten a.m. Any questions?”

Cas shakes his head. He knows he will be out the moment he wakes up again. He needs to make amends for his failure.

“Well, you know where to reach me if you do.” He goes to shut the door and stares into Cas’s eyes for a moment. “And if you stop by before you sneak out, I can grab you a spare coat from the lost and found.”

Cas looks away from Dean. "He doesn't want me to wear a coat with these clothes," he murmurs tiredly. He isn't sure why he explains himself. It's not like Dean is interested in him as a human being.

Dean scoffs. “He sounds like a dick.”

Cas probably laughs at that because he's so tired. "That's his name."

With a hum, Dean nods and says, “You wouldn’t want to throw a last name out, would ya’?”

Cas tilts his head before squinting his eyes in suspicion. "Why?"

With a shrug, Dean raises his hands in feigned surrender. “Worth a shot.” He grabs the door handle and steps out of the room again. “Night, Cas.”

Cas nods at him. He needs to be careful so he doesn't bring any trouble to Dick. He is annoyed with himself for letting his name slip out. He quickly stumbles past Dean with a murmured, "Night," before he puts down the things on the little table next to the bed. 

He turns around, waiting for Dean to leave before he slips into bed and instantly falls asleep.

…. :::: :::: ….

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as Hannah, the trans girl that stumbles in the shelter every other week, is slumped against the wall, having passed out while filling out the intake form. With a sigh, he makes his way over to the empty seat she isn’t half sprawled against and taps her shoulder. 

“Hannah. You’ve gotta be sober to stay here,” Dean says as he gently shakes her awake. Well, tries to…

She groans and swats his hand away. "I... jeez tried."

“No, you jeez-high,” he says with an eye roll. He has been working at the Rainbow Oasis for the past few months. He had moved to Chicago, a bad relationship in his rearview mirror, and hoping to find something in social work outside of the damn DSHS, when Charlie gave Dean the heads up on a case manager position for an LGBTQ+ shelter… And Dean jumped at the chance.

For the most part, Dean likes his new job. The majority of the clients are good, if a little lost sometimes. There’s the occasional rough case, and the occasional lost cause, but after four months, Dean feels like he’s getting a good feel for the area, the demographics. 

"I hate... everything," Hannah slurs before she starts crying. "I'm a real woman. Fuck those fuckers."

They aren’t supposed to get too friendly. A lot of the clients get too attached, but Dean can’t help but gently clasp her shoulder. “You are, and fuck them. But you know the rules, Hannah,” he says. 

Hannah’s barely eighteen, and does not have a supportive family. Unfortunately, the kid also has a group of tweaker friends who give her way too much access to their supply. 

She looks at him with accusing eyes. "I have no other place to go!"

Dean lets out a soft sigh. “Then you shouldn’t have come here high. The hell are you on, anyway? GHB?”

She just shrugs and stares at the wall. "What do you want me to do, huh? Should I just go?"

He knows the rules. He knows he should send her away. Instead, he rolls his eyes. “Finish the intake and I’m going to get you a cup of coffee. But you come here high again, I’ll ban you.” 

She cries again and nods quickly before she asks, "Can I have a tissue?"

The bell rings at the same time and Dean can hear someone coming in the front door. Looks like a busy night.

"Yeah," Dean says as he pulls out a packet from his pocket. It's always needed, especially for the second shift. He hands it to Hannah, and gets up to get behind the desk. "I'll get your coffee in a few minutes."

A few moments later a guy appears. Dean remembers him from a few weeks ago. Cas Novak. Some cases stick out. Cas is unsteady on his feet, lip split and a cut on his right eyebrow, bleeding. His bright blue eyes are somehow darker and look tired, his dark hair is messy. Again he's not wearing enough for the temperatures outside. 

Tired eyes meet Dean’s with a nod. "I... I need a place to sleep," he grumbles.

Dean sighs and grabs another intake form and clipboard. "You also need medical attention."

Cas frowns at him. "No. Just a place to sleep." He looks at the intake. "I already filled that out the last time."

"And like I told you last time, we need to track this information." Dean gives him the clipboard. "There's one ahead of you, so make yourself comfortable."

Cas sighs deeply and sits down on the bench in the waiting area, scribbling down some stuff before he leans his head against the wall with closed eyes.

When Hannah rests her head on Cas’s shoulder, Dean barks out, "Hannah!" As he approaches her and points to the intake room. "Get in there. Christ," he murmurs as he grasps her forearm. 

Cas flinches violently on the bench and watches Hannah stumbling forward after Dean, waving the form in her hand. "Got it, got it."

He looks pale as he pulls his knees up on the bench, making himself as small as possible.

Fuck. This case is worse than he originally thought. Dean guides Hannah to the intake room before he returns to the lobby and approaches Cas. “There’s another room I can take you to. It’s our medic room,” Dean says calmly and quietly.

"Why?" Cas asks quietly. "Am I bothering you here?"

“We get a lot of the, uh… wilder clients this time of night, and you freaked out when I yelled earlier.” Dean holds his hand out for Cas to take. “This way you won’t be around any more yelling.”

And Dean won’t have to clean up the after effects of a post traumatic panic attack.

Cas seems to think about that before nodding. He doesn't take Dean's hand though, and struggles with standing up. "Alright. Thank you."

Dean nods. These types tend to be the worst cases. This level of physical and mental abuse eventually escalates to one of two outcomes for a victim; escape or a burial plot. He guides Cas past the desk to the makeshift nurses office, and points to the cot.

"You can rest there until I come back, but I'm gonna clean up your wounds first."

Cas looks away. "No, please don't. Just… take care of the other person."

Dean shakes his head. "You're bleeding. Bodily fluids are a biohazardous waste."

Cas's frown deepens. "I… I should go." He shakes his head, stumbling slightly as he walks to the door. "He can't suspect me of making trouble…"

Dean gently grasps Cas by the arm. "Look, I don't know your situation, but you aren't making trouble. It's just a basic first aid kit. No different than if you picked one up yourself."

Cas flinched slightly when Dean touched him, and is tense, his eyes pained. He seems to think over Dean's words before he sighs and nods. "Alright… if you put a bandaid on me, I can… still get rid of it before I go home. I suppose… he wouldn't notice that I got help." That last part is mumbled. Dean is sure Cas only said it to himself.

Dean takes the win, even if it doesn't feel like one. "Sit on the table, I'll grab the kit."

Cas carefully sits down, groaning as he hunches over slightly. A grimace in his face as he takes in an audibly deep breath. "Thanks," he murmurs.

As Dean grabs the kit from the cupboard over the sink, he starts with the iodine and cotton balls. Dean turns and approaches Cas with the brown soaked ball. "This might sting," he warns as he dabs it on the cut above Cas's eyebrow.

Cas looks up at him, barely reacting. "It's nothing… but… thank you."

Dean nods as he proceeds to carefully clean the guy's face. There is mild swelling, and he'll be lucky if he avoids it turning into a black eye, but it's manageable.

The question is, what do the bruises look like where Dean can't see? He grabs a butterfly bandaid first. "How often do you end up here?"

"Just when I don't behave or disappoint him. He only throws me out when I’ve really fucked up. Maybe every two or three weeks? I often need reminding of my place, it seems," Cas explains quietly. "I wish I didn't need it. I really want to do everything right. I don't want to disappoint him." A tear runs down his cheek, vanishing in the stubble of a developing beard.

The urge to wipe it away is overwhelming, but Dean pushes down that instinct. He shakes his head in dismay before he places the bandaid over the cut. Hopefully the generic cheap brand of Neosporin does its job. "Most victims of intimate partner violence never do."

Cas looks up with a determined expression. "I just need to do better. I owe him everything and I can't live without him. I need him. I have nothing without him… I am nothing without him."

Damn. This poor bastard's been pretty brainwashed. "So, what are you with him?"

"He rescued me from the street. He gives me paint and canvases. He lets me paint. I can't work without him," he breathes out after a moment.

Dean gently grasps Cas’s chin to tilt his head up. "What are you when you're with him?" He repeats.

Blue eyes search Dean's in confusion. "I'm being productive… I… survive."

Clearly not getting it, Dean takes a step back. "Well, maybe this time you'll take the contact info and referral before sneaking out. There's other ways to survive."

“Not for me,” Cas replies quietly after a moment, shaking his head as he looks away from Dean.

"Well, it's hard to see the light at the end of a tunnel when you're only halfway through and on foot." Dean stops himself from soapboxing further and steps back. "I'm gonna finish Hannah's intake and grab her some coffee. Do you need anything?"

Cas shakes his head, still not looking at Dean. He looks thoughtful, and as if he's somewhere else entirely. 

"Alright, I'll be back shortly to complete the intake. There's a blanket in the third drawer if you want to sleep on the cot for now," Dean says. 

Cas doesn't react other than a quick nod of acknowledgment. When Dean turns towards the door he can see him wince though, as he tries to change his position on the cot.

It isn't often Dean has seen this level of fear; of control. The sad part is, in cases like this, the victim ends up losing themselves entirely, and the odds of getting through is slim to none.

But as long as there's an empty bed and a need, then people like Cas will always have a warm place to stay.

So, Dean proceeds to do his job. After Hannah's intake and coffee, he quickly gets her into a room and grabs an ice pack and one of the leftover bagels from the staff meeting before he makes his way back to the medic room.

Cas is lying on the cot, his eyes closed, his body curled to the side, arms hugging himself. The shirt has ridden higher at the back, revealing parts of his skin, and Dean immediately sees a few bruises in various states of healing.

Dean sighs and leans over to gently touch his shoulder. "Cas?"

Cas startles awake with a pained cry, holding his stomach as he looks up at Dean with wide eyes and a pale face. "I didn't sleep... what? where..." He looks around in confusion before he nods. "Oh, yes, I'm here. I apologize."

Jesus Christ. Dean offers the bagel first. "In case you're hungry. I've got some ice too, for all the other injuries."

For a second Cas looks like a trapped animal, his eyes darting around before he looks down at himself, pulling his shirt down. He looks at the bagel before carefully reaching out for it. "Thank you… for the food. I won't need the ice… it's not… it's not that bad."

Dean scoffs and shakes his head. "That's where you're wrong. The bruising on your side indicates at least one fractured rib." The plus side of paramedic turned social worker means Dean is better equipped than most to identify severe injuries and able to treat minor ones.

If push comes to shove, he can probably treat severe ones too.

Cas has his eyes cast down, cowering away from Dean. "What do you want me to do with the ice then?"

Dean wraps the ice in a clean hand towel and says, “Just hold it against the areas that hurt. I can also give you a couple of Tylenol for the pain.”

A soft sarcastic laugh falls from Cas's lips as he obviously tries to decide where to hold the ice against first. When he looks up his eyes are much clearer than before, more awake. "I would appreciate some pain medication. Thank you, Dean."

With a nod, Dean turns to the locked cabinet and uses his key, grabbing the bottle. He also grabs a disposable cup and fills it with the tap water from the sink. Dean hands them over to Cas and says, “I know you’re tired, but I do have to go over the intake questions again.”

Even though he’s pretty sure he’ll get the same answers as last time. 

Cas nods softly as he downs the medication with the water. “Alright. Um… still not a sex worker or taking drugs.”

“Good to know,” Dean says as he sits on the chair. “Would you be interested in speaking with a victim’s advocate, or pressing charges for the assault?” 

Cas looks down again and Dean can see the fear in his eyes. "No," he whispers.

At least he doesn’t deny it’s an assault. Dean takes the wins where he can get them. “Alright, if that changes, we do have confidential reporting processes and safe houses for people in your situation.” He knows he can fill in the rest of the form, and since he decided to be a damn bleeding heart for Hannah, he figures it won’t hurt to cut this guy some slack. “And if you’re ready, I can show you to your room.”

Cas frowns before he looks up at Dean. "What happens... after... I..." He shakes his head, looking away again. "Nevermind... I... yes, please show me my room."

Dean flashes him a reassuring smile. The glimmer of hope is a refreshing response and he says, “I’m happy to answer any questions you have about those processes. Even if you just… want to have them in the back of your mind.”

He can see that there is a wet shimmer in Cas's eyes, and he wonders how long Cas has been in this situation. "He has everything. All the money I earned... I..." He looks down. "I don't... I shouldn't... talk about this." He bites his lip, looking guilty as his frown deepens.

Dean leans over and braces his hand over Cas’s. “You can if you want to. This is a safe space.”

Cas looks down at their hands before his eyes lock with Dean's. A tear runs over his cheek. "I'm so... tired, Dean. Of everything."

“I don’t blame you,” he says as he squeezes Cas’s hand. “If you could leave, if you weren’t… stuck. Would you?”

"I..." Cas takes in a deep breath. "That's not an easy question... Sometimes... I wish I could... but then I feel guilty and afraid... and I don't know... I just don't know."

Dean nods. “Well, you have a safe place to sleep tonight. So, don’t stress too much about that right now. Can I answer any questions for you?”

Cas shakes his head again. It's probably all he will get out of him today. He is still surprised how much he has said this time.

“Okay, if you’re ready, I can show you to your room. It’s on the second floor, and our elevator is out. You up for a little hike?”

Cas nods and carefully slides down from the cot, following Dean with a pained grimace on his face and an insecure walk. "Lead the way," he groans out.

“You sure I can’t take you to an urgent care?” Dean asks as he leads the way to the fire stairwell.

"I can't go there, Dean. I have no money... and he... he can't find out... that I'm talking to people," he breathes out, bracing his hand against the wall a few times.

Dean sighs, and swallows down the angry bile at the back of his throat. "We aren't a medical facility, so I can't force you, but if the pain gets worse, it might not be healing and that could be bad."

"I'll... cross that bridge when I get there. So far everything has healed on its own," Cas replies after a long moment.

That was lucky, but in these situations, luck always runs out. Dean opens the door to the stairwell for Cas and says, “You first, that way if you fall, I can hopefully catch you.”

Cas gives him a long look over his shoulder before he carefully climbs up the stairs, taking breaks after a few steps. He leans against the wall with a sigh before he asks, “Maybe you could walk at my side, so I have something to hold on to?”

Dean ignores pointing out the obvious with the railing and steps next to Cas, offering his elbow. “If you feel faint, let me know, I can probably carry you the rest of the way.”

He hasn't thought it was possible, but Cas actually smiles at him. It's faint but it's there. "I think I'll manage," he breathes out as he hooks himself into Dean's elbow, bracing his weight against him as they slowly continue walking up the stairs. "I feel safer this way... with you close," he whispers when they have nearly reached the top.

Dean chuckles. “I promise, the worst that could happen to you here is having to step over Hannah’s shoes. She leaves them everywhere.”

"Is she a barefoot person? Who hates the feeling of shoes on her feet?" Cas asks, giving Dean another smile. He breathes out in relief when they reach the second floor.

“Honestly, I think she’s a fairy in disguise, causing havoc and leaving shoes in her wake,” Dean says as he guides Cas to room twenty-two. 

"I wasn't aware fairies do that," Cas replies softly. His eyes are drifting closed and he gives Dean a tired smile as Dean opens the door for him. "Thank you, Dean. For... for everything."

Dean nods and leans against the doorway. “There’s clean pajamas in the small cabinet next to the chair. And you know how to find me if you need anything.”

Cas leans against the bed, carefully reaching down with a groan to untie his shoes. “Yes, thank you. I’ll try not to bother you. I know you have a lot to do.”

Dean flashes him another smile. “And please stop by for the referral in the morning if you can. I don’t leave until eight.”

Cas has clearly given up trying to get his shoes off with his hand and is now using his other foot to pull them off. He sighs deeply before he looks up at Dean. "I... I'll think about it."

That's better than nothing. "Do you need help?"

"No, don't worry. I've taken enough of your time already," he gives Dean a smile and he can see he is putting on a brave face.

"Alright. Night, Cas," Dean says as he starts to pull the door closed behind him.

"Good Night, Dean," he hears him whispering softly before the door is closed.

…. :::: :::: ….

He is standing in front of the blank canvas, brush and palette in one hand, staring at it as it mocks him. 

Fear eats the soul.

He knows the pressure of producing sellable art is eating away at him. It kills his creativity. Once he had been dumb enough to mention it to Dick. Dick had said it was hippie bullshit and he should just put paint on the canvas. But it isn't that easy. 

There was a time where he could lose himself in painting; in the beginning of their relationship when Dick had given him more freedom. Cas remembers that he once felt happy. 

The door opens and Cas turns around to see Dick. He puts down his utensils and gives him a smile. "Do you want to be my muse? Maybe lose your shirt?" He misses being intimate with his boyfriend and he hopes Dick is in a good mood. When he is, he is always nice to Cas, gentle and even romantic. It has been a while since he felt that with Dick.

In the past few months it has gotten worse and he only seems to do everything wrong, disappointing Dick. He hates disappointing him. Not just because he will receive a punishment after. Punishments that have gotten worse over time. 

He isn’t sure what he's doing wrong, but he desperately hopes he can go back to where they were at the beginning of their relationship. 

Dick quirks his brow, but proceeds to start unbuttoning his expensive shirt. "Hopefully this will get more sales than the last disaster of a show."

It hurts, but Cas tries to block out those emotions. He gives him an encouraging smile. "How could it be anything but perfect with you as a motive?" His eyes wander over Dick's toned chest and all of a sudden his mind strays to Dean, wondering how he looks shirtless. He feels embarrassed and guilty thinking that. Yes, Dean is very attractive, but he has a boyfriend standing in front of him. He hums as he walks closer to Dick. "I… I miss feeling you."

Interest clearly piqued, Dick's expression practically turns predatory. "Do you?" He closes the gap between them, slithering his hand to the back of Cas's neck.

Cas hums and closes his eyes under his gentle touch. “Yes.” He leans into Dick’s hand. “Very much.”

Dick braces his thumb along Cas's pulse point and gently rakes his nails across the nape of his neck. He starts kissing Cas's jawline before the pressure grows harder and he starts pushing Cas to his knees. He looks down and uses his free hand to undo his pants. "Do you deserve it?"

Cas looks up at him, his heart beating… not from excitement but fear. He knows he doesn’t, but he wants to. “I want to make you happy and serve you,” he replies instead, hoping it will lift Dick’s mood.

A moment later, Dick pulls out his half erect cock and starts stroking it. "Then get me hard."

Cas nods and swallows dryly before he licks over his lips and leans forward, wrapping his lips around Dick’s cock. It’s velvety and warm in his mouth. He hums as he sucks him in, massaging it with his tongue to make him hard. He can feel him growing bigger in his mouth, making it harder to take him in deep.

Dick lets out a hum of approval. "You're very good at that." He curls his fingers into Cas's hair. "Is this how you got money for your next hit?"

He is aware that Dick knows Cas has done things he isn't proud of. And he still remembers how jealous Dick had been when Cas confessed to it the first time. Dick is extremely possessive and controlling, and has forbidden Cas from contact with any friends or family. Not that Cas has anyone in his life anyway. 

Cas licks the underside of Dick’s hard cock as he obediently looks up. “You’re the only one for me,” he breathes out before he sucks him in again, upping his pace.

"Tell me," Dick says as he tightens his grip on Cas's hair, "if I'm the only one for you…" Dick starts thrusting his cock, fucking into Cas's mouth and causing him to choke. "Then who cleaned you up?" The thrusts grow vicious then.

Fuck. He can't reply to Dick's question. Dick is holding him in place and Cas tries to breathe through his nose and lets him use his mouth. He can only look at him pleadingly, softly shaking his head.

The grip turns painful as he yanks Cas off. His lip is curled in disgust. "Who did you speak to? Who saw you?" His voice is dark and dangerous. Cas knows that tone.

"No one! I swear!" Cas replies quickly and out of breath. "I did that myself. Please. You know I would never betray you. I love you. You're everything for me."

Dick stares down at him for a beat, a dark fury burning in his eyes. "Get on all fours."

"Please," he begs brokenly before he follows Dick's command obediently.

"Please what?" Dick asks as he steps behind Cas. A moment later, he roughly yanks Cas's jeans down past his ass, causing the unopened button to painfully drag down his lower abdomen.

Cas gasps out in pain. "Please, Dick. Don't be mad at me. I swear I didn't break any rule. I want to obey you, please."

Dick roughly spreads Cas's cheeks apart and spits directly on Cas's hole. "You know what I'll do to you if you ever try to leave me…" and just as suddenly, Dick's tongue is worming its way inside Cas's hole.

"I will never!" Cas cries out from the sudden pleasure. "I love you and I need you. I'm nothing without you." He desperately hopes Dick believes him. “Fuck, Dick. You make me feel so good.”

The hum of laughter reverberates just right as one of Dick’s fingers snakes inside along with his tongue. His other hand gently starts massaging his sac. 

Cas groans and he knows he sounds like a porn star, but he was never good at holding back. He knows Dick likes that he is vocal about his pleasure... he also likes when he is vocal about the pain...

But he was laughing and Cas hopes that he can keep him in a good mood. "Yes, fuck, I missed feeling you so much. Love you. Please. Fuck... Love to be yours."

A whimper escapes Cas’s lips as Dick withdraws his tongue, but he doesn’t leave Cas wanting for long. That talented finger instantly taps his prostate, and Dick starts massaging the gland from the outside too. “Love the sounds you make…” Dick purrs as his teeth scrape down the globe of Cas’s ass.

"Ugh, you make me feel so good, Dick. I love you. Love feeling you." He moans loudly and he can feel his erection dripping with precum. "I want to come with your cock inside of me. Please."

“Oh, you will. But first you’re going to come untouched.” Dick doubles down on the massage rhythm, stimulating Cas’s prostate with expert precision.

He knows exactly how to push his buttons, how to play him like an instrument. Cas drowns in the waves of pleasure, getting taken and swept away. Hoping because this is going well and maybe it can be like before. Maybe he will kiss him after, take him to bed and hold him close. "Fuck, yes," Cas cries out as his balls tighten and he suddenly comes untouched, crying out in pleasure.

Dick lets out a growled hum of appreciation and suddenly his hands are gone. Cas hears him spit again, but doesn’t feel anything. And then the blunt head of Dick’s cock is at his hole, insistently pushing inside. He slams in to the hilt when his arm wraps around Cas’s chest and pulls him upright, seating him on Dick’s dick. 

His teeth sink into Cas’s shoulder as he takes him in hand, milking the remaining pulses of his orgasm with assured pumps. Dick chuckles again as he starts bouncing Cas up and down on his cock in time with his strokes.

His hole burns and he is way too sensitive after just coming, and he knows Dick knows that, but expects him to enjoy this. So he groans loudly as he leans against Dick, biting down on his lower lip as he turns his head to look up at him. He knows what he needs to do. "Your cock is so big. I love you so much... I love when you fill me."

Dick grunts in pleasure, and starts stroking Cas faster. "I love how tight you still are, even after all those cocks you used to take."

"I only belong to you, Dick." He cries out and he knows he won't come a second time. His touch is too uncomfortable, the pain too distracting. "I'm so tight because you're the only one. Forever. I'm yours and belong to you."

Dick’s thrusts get rougher, which means he’s chasing his own orgasm. “You’re mine,” he growls as he releases Cas’s cock and shoves him back onto his hands. Dick grabs Cas’s hips and starts to brutally fuck into him.

Cas tries to tune out the pain, concentrating on the fact that it will be over soon, and work on anything he can do to make Dick come quicker. "Uhhh, yes. Fuck, please fill me! I need you. I'm yours. Only yours. I love you so much."

“I’m the best thing that ever happened to you,” Dick grunts with each vicious thrust. 

"Yes," Cas gasps out. "I would be nothing without you. you're my savior. And I love you so much for this. I'll do anything for you. I will do everything you say. I'm yours." He hopes desperately that Dick is hearing his reassurances and that he will trust Cas. 

With one more deep thrust, a painful punch to his already battered prostate, Dick comes, a shaky exhale in and out as he clearly tries to catch his breath. He leans down over Cas, breath hot in his ear. “If that ever changes… I won’t just kill you, I’ll kill every person you’ve ever cared about.”

His heart stops for a moment and he hopes his fear doesn't show. He turns his head, looking at Dick. "I would never. You should know that I can't live without you..." He gives him a submissive look. "Would you kiss me?"

“Say it again,” Dick breathes out, his hand reaching around to caress Cas’s cheek. 

Cas closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying the gentle touch. "I can't live without you. Please. Would you kiss me?"

"You won't live without me," Dick says as he crushes his lips to Cas's. He yanks back, pulls out, and moves to stand. "Now clean yourself up."

Cas nods as he carefully stands up. "Do you have any plans tonight? I would love to spend more time with you... if you have time." He feels the need to offer because he wants to get on Dick’s good side.

Dick starts redressing himself, shirt and all. "If you finish a painting, I'll think about it."

Cas gives him a big smile before he nods quickly. "I promise I'll make you proud," he says before he quickly leaves to wash himself in the adjacent room. He really hopes he can pull off a painting now, otherwise that promise will end up in pain. He needs a win. Cas looks into the mirror and bites his lower lip. 

You can do it! Just put in the work so you won’t disappoint him.

His heart beats quickly as he reaches down to his shoes and pulls them off for the shower. He carefully removes his socks too.

Dean's business card is in his sock. He has held onto it and he really hopes it isn’t a mistake. This had been close. Dick can’t know about this; not just for his own sake but because he's worried about Dean, too.

Dean doesn't deserve to get pulled into this. 

He wants to destroy the card. It would be safer. His thumb strokes gently over Dean’s name. His mind displaying freckles, and beautiful green eyes.

Cas hides the card in his sock again.

When he finally stands under the shower, the cold water soothing his bruises, cuts and whip marks, he sighs in relief. He just needs to focus and not make any more mistakes.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

While Dean doesn't love the night shift, it pays a differential, and seeing as he finds himself eating out more and more because cooking is… such a thing, he can use the extra funds.

Another cold Thursday, and Dean doesn't know why, but he finds himself expecting to see Cas.

Professionally, they are all well aware, as social workers, they're here to do the job, and give every case the same attention. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't have cases that are a personal priority. Whether it's because of how much he cares about the person, or worries about them, he can't say.

Dean isn't sure exactly where Cas lies on that spectrum.

He's ten minutes early for his shift, and stuffing the leftover pizza from the night before into his mouth before he has to put his professional face on and relieve Jody from her shift. 

Dean dusts off the crumbs and tucks in his ill fitted button up shirt. He reaches the desk and greets Jody while still chewing, "How goes it, Mills?"

She stretches herself, starting to pack her things as she grins at him. "Good, I'm so ready to go home to a long hot bath and my wife. It was an eventful day. Hannah is back, but sober for a change, and Castiel is in one of the back rooms. You should check on him during the night. He was… different from usual."

Dean hates that his instincts were right. "Different how?"

She shrugs softly. “He’s barely responsive,” she finally explains before grabbing her bag. “He’s been a regular for a year now and I feel it’s getting worse. I just wish I could get through to him.”

Dean nods. "Some cases are lost causes," he says with a soft sigh as he logs into the database and pulls up the admissions to see which room Cas is in.

"I know. I'm just saying it sucks." She shrugs and gives Dean a nod. "I wish you a quiet night." 

"Tell Donna ‘hi,’" he says, and waits for Jody to leave before he makes his way to the floor Cas is on. He buys a water and sandwich from the vending machine before he gently knocks on the door for room five.

There is no response, so he knocks again and waits. Still nothing. When he carefully opens the door, he finds Cas sitting on the bed with his knees drawn up to his body, making himself as small as possible. He has a far away look on his face, facing the window. But he looks like he isn't looking at anything in particular. His head doesn't even turn on instinct when Dean steps in.

"Cas? I grabbed you a sandwich and a bottle of water." Dean says as he steps fully inside the room, drawing closer.

Cas blinks but he still doesn’t look at Dean. He looks like he is completely shut off. It takes a few minutes before Cas murmurs, “I’m not… hungry.”

Dean places the items on the small white nightstand and moves to sit in the chair next to the bed. "Is there anything I can get you?"

It still takes way too long for Cas to react. Dean has seen depression before so he knows the signs. “No,” Cas murmurs before he inhales deeply. 

While temporary residents aren't expected or even asked to do anything, other than stay sober, his experiences dictate what can sometimes distract or deflect from a depressive episode is just… doing something. "I'm solo tonight, and need to clean up a couple of the open rooms. Would you want to help me?"

To his surprise Cas raises an eyebrow and actually looks at Dean. He blinks and suddenly he nods. "Yes, I think I would like that very much. Be useful for a change." There is pain in his eyes at those words. Hurt. But he actually gets up and Dean knows that is a big win.

Dean flashes him a smile. "That's great, because those fitted sheets are definitely a two person job." He moves to stand and offers his hand to Cas to help him up.

Cas reaches out and pulls himself up, and there is a lot more strength in that hand than Dean expects. He bumps a little into Cas, his eyes meeting Cas's. They are kind of otherworldly blue. Nothing like Dean has seen before. Cas gives him a sheepish look. "Sorry."

Dean chuckles. "Don't be sorry, I grew up with a clumsy moose of a brother, so you're fine." He steps towards the door and holds it open for Cas. "I'm just gonna grab the housekeeping cart, and we can get started if that's okay?"

"Of course, do you want me to wait here for you?" Cas asks, and Dean likes that he looks much clearer now.

"You can keep me company if you prefer, but you don't have to," he says with another smile. Dean is glad his suggestion seems to have given him a little more of that fight Dean saw that first night he met Cas.

“I’ll just wait here then.” Cas gives him a little smile that is really nice to see and very much unexpected.

Dean resists the urge to pat him on the shoulder, and proceeds to the closet at the end of the hall. He uses his key to unlock the door, and thankfully Jody had the time to replenish the cart. After grabbing an extra pair of gloves, Dean pushes the creaky old cart back up the hall to where Cas is waiting for him. 

"We're going to room six, a couple doors down and across the way, would you mind getting the door for me?" Dean asks.

Cas gives him a nod and another smile before he walks down the hall, looking for room six. When he finds it, he holds the door open, obviously trying not to stand in the way. "Is this what you do every day?"

Dean shakes his head. "We usually have a housekeeper for each shift, but Jo is out on leave. She's night shift, so we're just picking up the slack until she's back." He pushes the cart into the room and tugs on a pair of gloves before handing Cas the other pair. "Can you strip the bed?"

Cas struggles with the gloves, and it is a lot of fun watching him trying to get them on. He gives Dean a sheepish look. "I have never done this before. Sorry. Yes. Um..." He walks over to the bed, grabs the pillow and starts to strip it, handing Dean the empty pillowcase with a soft sigh.

"Hey, don't overthink it," Dean says with a laugh, "and seeing as I don't make my own bed, any help I can get is better than none."

"Who makes your bed?" Cas asks as he struggles through stripping the blanket. He shakes his head immediately afterwards. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."

Dean smiles as he starts pulling out the fresh sheets. "No one. I'm the only one who sleeps in it, so why bother making it?"

Cas tilts his head. "But you wash your sheets, right? At some point you have to make it?"

"Well, yeah, but this daily shit? Nah," he says with another laugh as he shakes out the dreaded fitted sheet. 

Cas strips the bedsheets from the mattress and gives Dean a triumphant look, handing them to him. "Bed is successfully naked now."

Dean grins and hands Cas the other half of the clean sheet. "Well, let's not leave her indecent for too long."

"Are we protecting the bed's virtue?" Cas asks as he walks to the opposite end of the bedframe with his side of the sheet, crawling onto the mattress to tug the sheet under it where the bed is against the wall.

Dean does the same with a nod. "The mattresses on this floor are newer, and Hannah has yet to christen them all, so yes…"

Cas throws him a look as he crawls backwards and off the bed to tug in the other side. "What do you mean by 'christen'?"

"She… has a tendency to hook up with other residents," Dean says as he starts tucking in the bottom end corner. "And usually I wouldn't share that with anyone, but at this rate, it's surprising she hasn't tried anything with you."

"I'm in a relationship and I'm gay," Cas replies quietly before he adds, "And she is a woman." He licks over his lips, and Dean can see the sadness and pain is back on his face.

It's strange, but the urge to comfort him is… overwhelming. Dean is too professional to do anything about it, but there's something about Cas… that makes him want to be unprofessional. Instead, Dean tries to keep Cas distracted. "You say that to her, she would definitely hit on you," he says with a soft smile.

Cas tilts his head again. Something he seems to do when he gets confused. "Why? That doesn't make any sense. She would be wasting her time."

"She really appreciates being called by her true gender," Dean says as he grabs the pillow cases and hands them to Cas.

For a second Cas looks like he isn't sure what Dean is talking about, but he grabs the pillow and stuffs it into the case. He is silent for a while before he murmurs, "I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I try so hard... every day..."

This is good, the fact Cas is bringing up whatever the reason he isn't "allowed" home tonight without being prompted. "I know you do; for some people, whatever we do will never be good enough."

"I want to be better. I want to make him happy. But I don't think he believes me. Lately he doubts me so much, and I don't know how I can prove to him that…" Cas inhales a deep shuddered breath and Dean can see a tear running over his cheek. 

Dean grabs one of the tissues and steps next to Cas, offering it to him. "I don't know if there's anything you can do to prove it."

Cas takes the tissue and rubs it over his face, not looking at him. "Don't say that. I need to hope that I can fix this."

"You can, but not in the way you think," Dean says. He knows he's treading dangerous waters, but kid gloves have never gotten someone to wake up and smell the abusive partner.

He can hear the sharp intake of breath before Cas shakes his head. "I don't want to leave him. I can't. I need him. I know it's hard to understand. I just want him to be like he was at the start."

Dean starts pulling the loose sheet over the bed. "Can I ask what he was like at the start? You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

It takes Cas a long moment to reply as he helps Dean with the sheet. "He was caring. He helped me in so many ways. He was there for me when I needed someone the most."

"Caring how?" Dean asks as he pulls out a new duvet from the cart.

Cas shrugs a little before he lifts the naked duvet, holding it up for Dean. "He just did a lot for me... I don't really want to talk about it. But... he was just different in the beginning. Maybe I was different. He still wants me even though I'm doing everything wrong. And I'm being a bad boyfriend."

Jesus, this prick of a boyfriend has his manipulative claws in deep. Dean tucks the duvet in as he asks, "What makes you a bad boyfriend?"

Another tear runs over Cas's cheek as he shakes his head. "I can't... It's embarrassing... I don't want you to think badly of me as well."

Resisting the urge to wipe Cas's tears away, Dean gives him a small smile. "I promise, I'm way less judgemental than I seem."

"He... um... he had to fire the cook because I broke his rules. I... um, talked to the cook." Cas says after a long moment, and in between sharp and shallow intakes of breath. He is clearly extremely upset about whatever happened, and it looks like he's on the verge of a panic attack.

Dean gently guides him to the standard blue chair every room has. "Can you take a deep breath for me?"

When he gently pushes Cas onto it Cas nods, but he is still breathing too fast, his eyes wide and searching Dean's. "I, ah," he shakes his head again, a hiccup joining his heavy breathing as he covers his mouth in an effort to calm down.

Dean bends down to eye level with Cas, locking his gaze. "Focus on a point and take a slow, deep inhale through your nose."

Cas's eyes are fixed on Dean's, his palm still covering his mouth as he inhales deeply through his nose, and it's clearly taking a lot of effort. But he is doing it, and after a while Dean can see that he is calming down, his hand slipping away from his mouth as his breathing regulates slowly back to normal. 

Cas's eyes are shining wet, and he swallows visibly before he breathes out. "Thank you, Dean."

Dean nods. "No thanks necessary. Do you need something to drink?"

"Um, yeah... yeah, I think that would be nice." His gaze drifts downwards as he shakes his head. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, do you want something warm, like coffee or tea?" Dean asks as he moves to stand.

"Whatever is less work for you. I already feel guilty for taking up your time," Cas murmurs, still not looking at Dean. "I'm sure you have better things to do than entertain me."

Dean chuckles. "Until the front desk bell rings, I sure don't. So don't feel guilty. How do you take your coffee?"

“Black?” Cas replies, but it sounds like a question, as if he has never been asked before. “Is there more I can do to help?”

"If you're up for it, take this cart to room twelve at the end of the hall and start stripping the bed, I'll meet you there." Dean flashes him another smile. 

Cas nods and gets up, bracing himself on the chair for a moment, and it looks like he is dizzy before he takes a deep breath and walks to the cart. He braces his weight on it, giving Dean a weak smile before he pushes it out into the hallway.

Dean follows behind and says, "I'll grab you something to eat too. Do you like donuts?"

"Donuts? I... I don't know. I'm not picky about food." Cas clears his throat, looking down. "I don't have any money to pay for it..."

"Good thing it's free, huh?" He says with a laugh. 

Cas exhales softly, giving him a surprised look before he nods and gifts Dean with another one of his cute smiles, then pushes the cart further down the hallway.

"I'll be right back," Dean says as he makes his way to the elevator to get to the basement level where their break room is.

They have an old Keurig that someone donated earlier that year, according to the other case workers, so Dean grabs one of the mocha pods and pops it in as he plates a couple different donuts.

Dean doesn't want to jinx himself, but for the first time in Cas's case, he feels a little hopeful. There's only so much that can be done if the victim is willing to take those steps, and in severe cases like this, it is understandably rare. They don't see themselves as a victim; that they deserve what happens to them, and that sort of mindset is exceedingly difficult to reach through.

Maybe… if Dean treads carefully enough, he can get Cas to take a referral.

After the coffees are brewed, Dean grabs a tray and puts everything on it, making his way back to the first floor. He reaches room twelve, holding the tray out. "We didn't have any black coffee pods, so I hope you like chocolate…"

"Who doesn't like chocolate?" Cas asks with a grin as he grabs the cup and murmurs, "Thank you." It's really nice to see him talking like this. His free hand hovers over a donut and Dean can see him biting his lower lip as if he's debating with himself if he really should eat it. His hunger must have won out because he finally grabs one and takes a careful bite. His eyes widen before he hums around his bite, followed by a groan worthy of a porn star.

"Good, right? They're from this morning, but if you ask me, donuts are good for at least a week." Dean smiles and takes a sip of his own coffee.

Cas practically inhales the donut and nods, before he licks the powdered sugar from his fingers. "It's really tasty, Dean." He sighs deeply as he closes his eyes. "I really needed that. Thank you, Dean."

"Do you want the other one? I ate pizza before my shift, so if you're still hungry, go for it." Dean flashes him a smile as he puts his mug down and starts stripping the next bed. 

There is an insecure expression on Cas's face. "Are you sure that's okay? I don't want you to be hungry." He looks down again. "Being hungry really sucks."

And it clicks. Dean looks at Cas with understanding. "We have more pizza, the microwave is broken, but if you don't mind it cold?"

"It's really okay. I… I'm very happy with the other donut," he says as he picks it up. "I feel a little guilty because I'm defying my boyfriend's rules so much at the moment, but… he is not here and won't find out."

Dean quirks his brow. "How are you supposed to follow rules when he kicks you out?" And don't even get Dean started on the fact it sounds like the abuse even goes to food.

"I'm not sure how much he thinks about that. He never asks where I was or what I've done while I'm out. He just expects me to be back tomorrow morning and tell him that I've learned my lesson," Cas bites his lower lip and sighs. "I didn't flirt with the cook."

Dean nods. "I believe you. Abusive partners aren't usually fond of logic or sense. It doesn't fit their narrative."

He can see it in Cas's expression. Every time Dean mentions his partner is abusive he winces, and his nose scrunches up like he doesn't want to hear it. He doesn't argue though, but Dean doesn't know if it's because a part of Cas knows it's the truth, or if he isn't used to talking back. "I would never betray him, and I wish he would trust me and see that. I know he loves me. That's why he gets so jealous and that's why he always needs reassurance that I'm his."

"It sounds like you reassure him a lot." Dean grabs a fitted sheet and gives him a pointed look. "It's less about reassurance and more about control."

Cas walks over to grab the other end of the sheet, helping him to put it over the already stripped mattress. He looks thoughtful, shaking his head slightly. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong that he feels so afraid to lose me. I wish he would just believe me."

"Why do you think he's scared to lose you, if you are completely devoted to him?"

Cas takes the sheet and wraps it around one corner as he shakes his head. "I don't know. That's why I feel so down. I don't know what to do to be a better boyfriend. I shouldn't have talked to the cook. I regret that now. I don't know why I'm always so stupid…" He steps back from the bed. "I need to go home… I… I should just wait in front of his door and maybe he will forgive me."

Dean hates how much he wants to tell Cas not to, but at the end of the day, if someone wants to leave, he can't stop them. "Does he ever forgive you?"

"I… I don't know. He's never said those words, but… he takes me back when I've learned my lesson, so I guess he does." Cas stuffs the sheet around the other corner before he gets up and nods. "Thank you for the food, Dean and for letting me help. I… I should go."

"Can I please get you that referral?" Dean asks in one last ditch effort.

"Dean." Cas sighs as he stands in the doorway, giving him one last look. "I'm sorry, I can't," he murmurs before he leaves.

And despite every single urge to follow, Dean is too professional. He lets the man leave, hoping against hope that he will see Cas again. If he doesn't, in serious cases like Cas's, that usually means the abuser finally went too far, and Cas will just become another statistic.

With a sigh, Dean grabs the cart and heads to the next room.

…. :::: :::: ….

It isn't often that Dick takes him to an event. He only does that when he is in a good mood, and when Cas does good. And Cas has been very good the last few days. He was attentive, followed every rule and tried to make Dick happy, showing his boyfriend that he has nothing to worry about.

Dick had chosen clothes for Cas; a black suit with a blue silky tie and had even complimented his eyes. Cas feels hopeful.

He stays by Dick's side, holding his hand and giving him smiles as they enter the building that hosts the charity event. Cas doesn't know what it is for because Dick doesn't either. Cas had asked his boyfriend, but Dick simply shrugged and explained that charity events weren't really about that. He is working tonight, networking, so he expects Cas to be on his best behavior. 

Cas knows the rules. Don't talk with strangers. Don't talk with anyone without Dick's presence. When spoken to, only talk Dick up, and don't talk about himself.

Dick has explained those rules to him a million times. They are there to protect Cas, and to preserve Cas's image as an elusive artist. Since Dick is also his manager, he has explained that the mystery will allow him to sell Cas's art, giving Cas the opportunity to continue to work. And Cas knows that Dick is right. He's had a lot of openings in the last two years. So he trusts Dick.

"Thank you for taking me with you," he murmurs in Dick's ear as they climb up the stairs to the building.

"Don't make me regret it by embarrassing me," Dick says as he looks at Cas and starts straightening his tie for him.

“I won’t. I promise you.” He bites down on his lower lip as he looks up at Dick. “You don’t need to worry.”

Dick clicks his tongue and pastes on the overly large fake smile he always wears for these events, and extends his elbow out for Cas to take. It's as much a means of keeping Cas close as it is for Dick showing Cas off. It's why Cas isn't allowed to pick his own clothes. "Well, time to raise money for whichever degenerates are leaching off of our country."

Cas smiles at Dick's words although they make him feel uncomfortable. But of course he would never say anything. He needs to keep him happy. "I love you," he whispers, trying to give him another cute look because he seems to be in a good mood.

In a rare show of affection, Dick leans in and presses a kiss to Cas's neck. "Ich hoffe dir ist klar, dass ich dich liebe," Dick whispers before they start walking to the open doors of the banqueting hall hosting the charity event.

Cas can feel himself relaxing for a moment, relieved that Dick is in such a good mood. So Cas smiles and has his eyes trained on Dick as they are greeted by people he has never met before, but obviously know Dick. He nods politely, clinging to Dick’s arm when suddenly all the air leaves his lungs. When he looks up, his eyes meet familiar green ones.

Dean is standing just a few feet away from them, wearing a black suit and a green tie. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

His heart is racing and panic seeps in. Fuck, if Dean walks over to them this will be the end. If he greets Cas everything will be over. Dick will kill him.

Fuck, why had he been so stupid and gone to the shelter? Why is Dean even here? What are the odds of him being at an event like this? Cas should have stuck to the rules and he wouldn’t be in this situation now. He knows whatever wrath is coming he deserves it….

Shit…

A pretty brunette approaches them, in a long black gown, hair curled in an elegant updo, her neck draped in diamonds. She reaches her hand out, matching diamond bracelet slipping as she turns her hand down. "Dick, I'm so glad you could make it," she says with a British accent.

"Ms. Talbot," Dick greets as he takes her hand gently and presses a kiss to it. "You know I can't say no to you."

She laughs. "I've told you countless times to call me Bela. And I thought you and your partner would appreciate this little fundraiser. We're benefitting the five LGBTQ+ shelters in the city."

Dick quirks his brow. "A worthy cause."

Bela nods. "In fact, let me introduce you to someone. Dean!" She barks out.

To Cas's dread, Dean approaches, his smile curious.

Bela grasps his forearm. "Dean, let me introduce you to one of our most generous benefactors, Dick Roman, meet Dean Winchester, one of the social workers at Rainbow Oasis. And Dick's partner, I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

“Castiel,” he murmurs, his heart beating out of his chest as he tries to avoid looking at Dean. “It’s a pleasure to meet the two of you.”

Dean flashes them a charming smile, and he reaches for Dick's hand, shaking it enthusiastically. "Great to meet ya'. Forgive me for not knowing you, but I only moved here about six months ago."

As Dean turns to Cas, he doesn't reach for his hand, but his smile turns broader as he says, "And I'd definitely remember a name like Casteele."

Oh, thank fuck. Cas couldn’t feel more grateful to Dean in this moment as he clears his throat. “Castiel,” he corrects, nodding softly at him, trying not to smile, but look as neutral as possible. “It’s a pleasure.”

Dean ducks his head. "Castiel, sorry."

"Social work," Dick says, his nose crinkled in distaste, "that must be a difficult profession considering the pay."

Dean looks at Dick and shrugs. "It's more about the people we help."

"Homeless drug addicts." Dick says with an almost cruel laugh.

At that, Dean doesn't bat an eyelash. "People of all walks of life, whether they're dealing with houselessness, addiction, or escaping an abusive home life."

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Cas bites his lip as he looks down, hoping that Dean isn’t saying anything to make Dick suspicious. He looks up at Dick before he squeezes his arm, knowing how he might be able to salvage this situation. "You're being too humble. You're my hero, and you weren't paid and still helped me through a difficult time."

Cas is gifted with a smile and a kiss to his forehead by his boyfriend, and he breathes out in relief that he managed to diffuse it so quickly. He might have said too much about his past, but hopes Dick can forgive him. 

"Well, I guess that's also why we are here today. For charity." Dick says, smiling brightly.

Bela smiles and says to Dick, "There's a few other people I'd love to introduce you to."

Dick smiles and turns to Cas. "Will you grab me a scotch?" he asks Cas sweetly as he departs with Bela, his eyes darting to look at Dean in distaste.

Cas nods, not knowing what to do other than to turn around and walk towards the bar to get his boyfriend a drink. He doesn't often leave him alone at parties; only when he can keep an eye on him. Cas is afraid now that he'll do something to mess up, so he purposefully ignores Dean, who follows him to the bar. Hopefully Dick thinks Dean is just getting something to drink as well. 

He slows down so he's walking within earshot of Dean, but from the outside it looks like they're not walking together as he shoots him a quick look, mouthing, "Thank you," at him. 

Dean gives him a wink and sidles next to him at the bar, but makes it a point to not even look at Cas. "I'm the only one from the shelter tonight."

Hearing that is a relief, and he is incredibly grateful that Dean is so careful. He orders Dick's drink, trying to relax. "That's good to know," he says before he adds, "I wish I could talk more to you, but… I can't."

Still without looking Dean says, "I know." He takes a glass of champagne off of the bar top, and flips around, still not looking directly at Cas as he says, "I hope you have a good night."

“Thank you. I hope so as well. He seems to be in a good mood.” He inhales deeply and hopes it will stay that way, still waiting for his order. He nervously taps the counter because it's taking so long.

A strong, overly tight grip pinches Cas's upper arm. "What's taking the bartender so long?" Dick's voice courses down the nape of Cas's neck as the grip on his arm tightens.

It hurts, but he tries to smile. "I'm sorry. I have no idea. I ordered it immediately." Cas waves at the bartender, hopefully making him hurry up. The bartender rolls his eyes and gives someone else a beer first. 

"Doesn't seem like he's even aware of you. I wonder what you've been doing all this time."

Shit. He tries to think of something to say when the bartender finally brings over the bourbon. Cas hands Dick the glass with a shaky hand. "Here. They probably have a lot to do."

Dick takes the glass with a sneer. "Did you neglect to inform the waitstaff who the drink was for?"

Cas winces and nods. Fuck, how could he forget that? Seeing Dean must have really distracted him. “I'm sorry. I forgot.”

"Hmm," is all Dick says before he lets go of Cas and turns away with a plastic smile, greeting, "Mr. Winchester."

Dean approaches with a broad grin. "I'm sorry to bother you, I forgot to mention, my business cards are on the table up at the front, if either of you have any questions about what services we provide and what any donations go to."

Cas knows that Dick’s smile is completely fake. “I’m sure you’re doing good work.” It sounds nice the way Dick says it, but Cas knows that this is his way of politely saying that he is not interested. Cas also knows better than to speak up, and he follows willingly when Dick pulls him away from Dean. 

He doesn’t let go of Cas’s arm the whole evening, and Cas feels like Dick really doesn’t want him to go anywhere near the table Dean had mentioned. When they finally go back to the car, Cas almost feels relieved to go home. The evening was incredibly exhausting.

He finally releases Cas's arm when they reach the car. Dick scoffs and makes his way to the driver's side. "Get in," he spits.

Cas doesn't know why Dick sounds pissed in that moment, but he quickly gets in on the other side, making himself as small as possible. "Are you okay?" he asks carefully as he fastens his seatbelt.

Dick doesn't respond until he's on the road, grip tightening around the gear shift. "I managed to forget what it was like being around the uncouth and unsophisticated, which is surprising considering I live with you."

It hurts hearing that, although he knows it's true. He just hates that Dick still thinks so lowly of him. He doesn't know why the next words leave his mouth, and he immediately tenses when they do, "Do you really still love me?"

The tires screech as Dick slams to a stop. He turns to Cas, tone chillingly calm. "Do you doubt me?"

His whole body aches with how much his fear is paralyzing him. "No. No. Of course not. I'm sorry. I just… you know how needy I am," he quickly explains. "I just wanted to hear it. I'm sorry."

"Now why is it you're so needy after an encounter with that overly attractive social worker. Did you enjoy his attention?" Dick asks as he leans in close.

"He only talked with you, and I only have eyes for you," Cas replies swiftly, before reaching out and touching Dick's arm. "You know how sexy you look in a suit."

Dick scoffs. "So you didn't correct his pronunciation of your name?"

Cas looks down. Shit. "I… Yes, I forgot I did that. Because that man was so uninteresting to me," he explains, hoping to soothe his boyfriend. "You're the only one on my mind."

Dick grips Cas by the chin and looks him over. "Are you sure about that?"

Cas gives him a submissive look as his hand wanders to Dick's neck, stroking over it. "Yes, I love you. And I miss being close to you. Please. I just want to feel you."

Dick cups the side of Cas's neck. "Prove it," he says in a hissed command.

Cas leans into his hand because he feels starved for contact. His palm feels warm but tense against him. He slides closer to Dick, nudging his nose against his cheek. "Can I kiss you?"

"I don't know you deserve it," he says as he uses his free hand to unzip his tailored pants. 

"How can I earn it?" Cas whispers as he helps Dick to free his cock.

Dick smirks at him. "Show me how you used to earn money before I saved you."

Cas feels tears burning in his eyes at Dick's words. He feels shame, guilt and humiliation. Still he leans over to take his soft cock into his mouth, starting to suck it.

Strong fingers curl painfully in Cas's hair; a tight grip. "You can do better than that."

Why couldn't he have just sex with him without all of this? Cas just wants to be held, to feel loved. Is that really too much to ask? Every time he instigates sex, he gets something like this. But he knows he can't complain. He should be thankful that this is what he gets. With how many times he has fucked up today, it's a wonder Dick is taking him home at all. So he gives it his all, using his tongue and hands to make this pleasurable for his boyfriend.

Dick's cock starts to harden, and keeping Cas's head in place, he starts thrusting down his throat.

It's hard to breathe and not gag from the way Dick's cock pushes down his throat. More tears prickle his eyes, and when Dick's thrusts turn harder, it is impossible to hold them back. Cas gags on Dick's cock, struggling against his grip.

"The better you suck me, the sooner you can breathe," Dick growls, fucking into Cas's mouth even harder.

Fuck . The panic and fear has a tight grip on him, just like Dick has on Cas's head, shoving him down to fuck his throat. Cas can't stop crying now and it makes it even harder to breathe. He tries to use his tongue, breathing through his nose, but it's so hard. He just wants to give up. 

And then he does. He stops struggling, his mind locking Cas inside a room that looks suspiciously like the rooms in the shelter. It's like he is outside of a lax body that is getting used for his boyfriend's pleasure. 

Cas wishes he could be in the shelter for real now.

Dick viciously yanks Cas off of his cock and stares at him in disgust. "Get out of my car." He shoves Cas back as he releases him.

"W–wh…" Cas bites his lower lip because he knows better than to argue. He quickly slides backwards and out of the car, jumping to the side as Dick's car drives away just a few seconds later. He is all alone.

His brain still needs a few seconds to orientate. He sinks down on the ground, realizing he is in the middle of nowhere. He has no idea where he is or how to get back to the city again.

He has Dean's card in his sock, but there is no pay phone nearby. And even if he could find one, he has no money on him. So he just decides to walk in the direction Dick's car went.

What did he do wrong? Why did Dick throw him out? He is still crying as he reaches the main road. He wipes his face on his sleeve before he decides to hitchhike. Maybe a kind soul will take him back to the city.

The moment he thinks that, an old blue Beetle stops next to him. There is an older lady behind the wheel, looking at him in pity. She rolls down her window. "Are you alright? It's cold and you're not wearing a lot for a walk out here."

Cas sighs and nods, "My boyfriend was angry with me and threw me out. I need help. I don't know how to get back to the city and I have no phone or money to call a… um, someone."

She leans forward and unlocks the passenger door. "Can I take you somewhere?"

"Oh, thank you so much," Cas says before quickly getting in. He tells the nice lady the address of the shelter, but he is too embarrassed to tell her what it is. "I hope that's not too far out of your way."

She waves him off as she cranks up the heat. "Don't you worry about that."

Slowly the tension leaves Cas's body, and he starts to relax. He knows he probably looks horrible with bloodshot red rimmed eyes. "I can't thank you enough," he murmurs.

"The least I can do, I don't understand how anyone could abandon someone in the cold," She says pointedly.

Cas feels the shame burning in his cheeks. “I…” He rubs his palms over his pants to warm them up as he shakes his head. “I don’t know why he did that. I don’t even know what I did wrong.”

"Oh, honey, barring cheatin' or murder, I doubt you did." She turns to look at Cas and holds her hand out. "I'm Mildred."

He carefully reaches out to shake her hand. “I’m Cas,” he says, giving her a friendly smile, although he doesn't feel like smiling at all. “And… Thank you for saying that and taking me to where I need to go.”

"Of course, we should be there in a couple minutes. Have you eaten? I have some granola bars in my purse," Mildred says as she comes to a stop at a light.

Cas doesn't feel like he should impose on her any more, so he lies and shakes his head. "No, I'm good. Thank you though." Of course his asshole stomach chooses that moment to growl aggressively at him. He gives Mildred an apologetic look.

Mildred blindly reaches into her purse and pulls one of the bars out; peanut butter and chocolate chip. She holds it out to Cas. "I promise, I won't miss it."

Cas knows he's blushing as he takes the bar with a sigh. "Thank you. I'm not good with... I... just, thank you. I'm saying that a lot." He still feels guilty when he recognizes familiar streets, and knows they are almost there as he munches down on the bar. Eating something makes him realize how hungry he had been.

"Well, I'm happy to help," Mildred says as she pulls up in front of the shelter. She turns on her hazards, since she's in an unloading zone, and flashes him a smile. "I hope you have a better night, Cas."

"Thank you so much again, Mildred. I hope you have a safe trip." Cas gives her a soft smile before he nods at her and gets out of the car. He waves, watching her drive away before he walks up to the shelter, hoping they have room.

He knows Dean isn't there because he is at the event. But Jody is a familiar face at reception. He greets her with a shy smile. "Hey, do you have a place for me tonight?"

Jody flashes him a smile and pulls the last set of keys off of the back wall. "You're lucky you got here before eleven, otherwise we might not have," she says as she grabs a clipboard and hands Cas the intake form.

Cas takes it with a frown. “What is significant about eleven? Are you expecting more people tonight?”

Jody chuckles and shakes her head. "Dean called asking me to hold a room for any of our regulars until then. Good thing you beat Hannah."

He knows he probably shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. And grateful, very grateful to Dean. He exhales and nods. “I saw him tonight. I guess he could already tell that my night wasn’t going in a good direction.”

Jody looks him over. "Do you need the medical kit?"

“No…. I was lucky this time.” Although he doesn’t really feel lucky. And for some reason he is also sad that he won’t get to see Dean tonight as he quickly fills out the form.

Jody nods and hands him the key as she takes the clipboard from him. She also hands him some vending machine tokens. "You know your way around, and if you need me, dial double zero, and if you need to make any calls, dial nine to get out."

Cas nods at her and goes straight to his room. His heart is beating hard when he sits down on the bed and unties his shoes, pulling off his socks. It's too cold without socks so he quickly pushes his feet under the blanket.

His eyes glance to the phone as he pulls out Dean's business card. He doesn't know if he should call him. He doesn't want to bother him, but at the same time he wants to thank him for tonight.

So he takes a few calming breaths and grabs the phone, dialing the numbers to the drums of his way too fast beating heart.

His hands are shaking when he holds it to his ear and waits.

"This is Dean," he answers professionally.

“Um, Dean, hello, Dean…” Cas clears his throat, his whole body trembling now. “I just wanted to call to, um, say thank you… for tonight.”

"Cas?" Dean's tone turns warm, "You're calling from the shelter, are you okay?"

"Sort of okay. Yes. And I heard I have you to thank for reserving a place for me... I... how did you know I would come here tonight?" he asks quietly, closing his eyes as he lets Dean’s voice soothe him.

"I didn't, but I wanted to make sure there was a room for you if you needed it," he says quietly.

Cas nods softly although Dean can't see it. "I'm glad you had the foresight. But... I also wanted to thank you again for... pretending that you don't know me."

"I wouldn't be a good case manager if I can't read a room. I just hope our brief interaction isn't why you're at the shelter."

“I actually have no idea why I’m here today. I wouldn’t say there was no tension, but it wasn’t any worse than it was on other days. He was a little jealous of you… I think. He mentioned that you are good looking.” Cas wraps the blanket around him, hoping it will stop the trembling. But he isn’t sure if it’s the temperature or just plain exhaustion. “He was very possessive first, and then threw me out on the way home.” 

He can hear a muttering of curse words before Dean clears his throat. "I'm sorry, Cas. Despite you being the only person I wanted to talk to, I'd hoped avoiding you would help."

Cas inhales a deep breath and there is a smile on his face suddenly, at hearing Dean’s words. “You were the only one I wanted to talk to as well. I… I hate this. It… It was very nice seeing you today though. You looked very nice.”

Dean barks out a laugh. "That's kind of you, but we both know I stood out, and not in a good way."

“What do you mean?” Cas asks as he cuddles deeper into the blanket. Why was he still feeling so cold?

"My thrift store suit compared to all the Dolce bananas and ver-sayce… come on, I'm sure what you were wearing cost more than a semester at my undergrad," he says with a sweet laugh.

Cas laughs with him because Dean’s laugh is infectious. “I actually have no idea, Dean. And to be honest, I wouldn’t recognize an expensive suit next to a cheap one.” He coughs and wraps the blanket further around himself, feeling a headache coming on. “You probably stood out as being the only one that actually cared for the topic of the charity event.”

"That's how I got suckered into being the only one from our shelter attending, but at the end of the day, if a rich person's money buys us the supplies we need, I'm happy to kiss an ass or six."

It isn’t a nice image, so Cas scrunches up his nose before he sniffs and coughs again. “Well, that money is certainly better spent here than on an expensive suit. A normal one does the trick just as well. At least in my opinion.”

Dean chuckles. "I'm much more comfortable in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt."

“Yeah, me too. I would give anything for a cozy, warm hoodie right now." It is really cold today.

"I left mine there, I can text Jody to bring it to you," he says.

"Are… are you sure that's okay? You don't have to just because I'm freezing my ass off," Cas says quickly before he coughs again. He notices that his throat hurts too. Fuck, he really can't afford to get sick now.

There was some rustling before Dean says, "I texted her. You okay? Do you need soup too?"

"I think I caught a cold," Cas murmurs as he lays down and pulls the blanket over himself, burying deeper into the warmth he is missing so dearly. He sighs, pressing the phone to his ear to feel closer to Dean. "Did you say soup? Does that mean you're coming here?"

Dean chuckles. "How do you feel about pho? If that doesn't cure you, nothing will."

"I like pho. I haven't had that in forever. With chillies?" he asks before he coughs again. His body is still trembling under the blanket even though it's warm underneath it.

"You got it, I should be there in twenty minutes. There's a space heater in the bottom drawer of the dresser if you need more heat for your room, okay?"

"What's a space heater?" Cas asks, feeling a little out of it as he tries to process the rest of what Dean had said. "So you're coming here?"

There is some more rustling and Dean saying a quiet thank you before he says, "Yeah, the food they served wasn't anywhere near human sized portions, so if you don't mind sharing a late dinner with me?" It's strange, but Dean sounds almost… hopeful.

"I would love to, Dean. That would be really nice and then…" Cas can't help but smile. "I can talk to you without holding back or being afraid."

"And I'm off the clock, so I won't make you fill out an intake either!"

Cas chuckles softly before he coughs again. A soft groan leaves his lips before he says, "I've already done that. But I… I'm looking forward to this, Dean."

"Me too, I've got to drive now, so I'll see you soon, and when Jody brings the hoodie, ask if she minds plugging in the space heater for you, okay?"

“I will. Thank you, Dean.” He doesn’t know why but somehow his heart feels lighter, everything does just because he knows that he will see Dean in a few minutes. It’s a nice feeling, and very new and foreign.

When Jody knocks a few moments later he actually feels brave enough to ask for help with the heater, mostly because he also doesn’t want Dean to be cold when he shares a meal with Cas. Cas doesn’t know for sure if it’s the room that is cold or just himself though. 

Jody gives Cas Dean’s hoodie, which is plain black and incredibly soft. He just presses it to his chest for a moment before he quickly pulls it over his shirt. It’s a little bigger than him and it smells like Dean. Cas doesn’t know why, but the moment he puts it on he feels somehow safer. “Thank you, Jody.”

She waves him off with a smile. "It's why we're here. If you need anything else, you know how to reach me," Jody says as she departs.

Cas is alone in the room again and he uses the moment to push his nose into Dean’s hoodie and just close his eyes. He feels warmer now, and he clings to that faint feeling of being safe. It feels so relaxing and addictive. He wants more of it. He falls asleep for a moment, or he thinks he must have been asleep because he wakes when someone touches his arm.

And then he sees warm green eyes greeting him with the scent of pho. “Hello, Dean,” he murmurs, his voice sounding husky.

Dean smiles as he holds up the bag. "Soup delivery, but if you'd rather sleep, I can keep this in the fridge for you?" He braces the back of his hand against Cas's forehead. "You're a little warm, but I don't think you have a fever."

Cas sits up, smiling from the feeling of Dean’s hand against his forehead. “I will probably feel it tomorrow. Or the soup will kick its ass now. Thank you so much. I’ve been saying that so often lately, but I am really grateful for everything you do.”

Dean smiles at him. "Well, I appreciate not sharing a meal alone," he says as he starts setting the meal up on the table.

Cas rubs his hand over his neck. "I'm glad that you get something from this as well. Your hoodie is really soft by the way."

Dean chuckles. "I can keep it here for you."

“Wouldn’t you miss it?” Cas asks in surprise. “I know I would.” He practically sinks inside the hoodie, looking up at Dean. “I don’t know why this is so big on me. I’m not that much smaller than you.”

Dean flashes him a broad grin. "I always buy a size up, in case anyone wants to crawl inside it with me."

Cas knows he is blushing, but he hopes that Dean thinks it’s because of the flu. “That sounds very cozy.”

"Right? I've yet to meet anyone willing to take me up on it, but maybe one day," he says with a laugh as he pulls out chopsticks and spoons and sides of different sauces. "I got extra chili paste and sriracha; figured if you can handle spicy, it'll clear your sinuses."

“I can handle all the spices,” Cas reassures Dean as he takes the chili from Dean’s hands and pours it graciously into his pho. His hand tingles where he touched Dean’s, and he gives him a shy smile. “Thank you, you have no idea how long it's been since I've eaten this.”

As Dean moves to sit in one of the chairs he holds his chopsticks up. "That's a travesty, but I'm glad you can eat it now."

Cas grabs his own chopsticks and gives Dean another smile. “I feel better already. Thank you. Also for being here with me. It’s really…” He shakes his head and starts to eat before he adds, “At least now I can actually talk to you without pretending I don’t know you.”

"Yeah, that was… weird." Dean looks as though he wants to say more, but proceeds to shovel the rice noodles into his mouth.

Cas looks down at his soup when he remembers his last conversation with Dick in the car, before he had been so violent and threw him out. His body trembles again so he wraps the blanket around himself. “He counted me correcting my name as ‘talking to you’,” he whispers.

Dean's expression turns annoyed. "Seriously? Shit, Cas, I only did it to… make it seem like I really didn't know you."

Cas shakes his head. “I didn’t know he would count that either. I think he only did that because you’re a very good looking man. Because he never minded anything like that before. That was new.”

Dean rolls his eyes as he stuffs his mouth with chicken. "I mean, he's met attractive men before, you being a prime example of that. Why was I a threat?"

Cas knows he is blushing and he scoffs softly. "I'm nothing, Dean... And he sees everyone as a threat that could... I don't know, steal me away." Cas shakes his head. "Not because someone would want me, but he thinks I will stray... He is afraid that I will leave him for another man."

"Can I ask a question you might not want to answer?" Dean asks as he lifts the bowl to drink the broth like a giant mug.

“Of course.” The reply is instant even though in hindsight Cas is a little afraid of the question.

"Why haven't you left him? Do you love him, or is it something more?"

Cas’s heart clenches at the question and he looks down at the soup, biting his lip. He tells Dick that he loves him every day, and the reply is on the tip of his tongue like an automatic response for this question. But is it still true? He doesn’t know how he can explain it. It should be an easy answer, but it isn’t. “It’s more,” he finally replies a little vaguely. “It’s hard to explain.” He doesn’t want to tell Dean about his past. About the drugs. About how Dick had saved him from all of that. Had cleaned him up, given him a home with stability and love. With work. A few things have changed over time… but he still owes Dick everything. He doesn’t know how he can put all of those things into words to make Dean see that Dick wasn't that way from the start. That Cas was still clinging to the hope that he would return to being the man Cas had gotten to know.

Dean gently braces his hand over Cas's. "You don't have to tell me more, but please know, if you ever find yourself struggling to answer that question, we can help you."

His heart makes a painful jump when Dean touches him, and for a moment Cas forgets to breathe when he looks at him. He really likes Dean’s eyes. There is so much compassion in them, and warmth. “Yeah, okay,” he breathes out, feeling his eyes burning as he gives Dean a sad smile. He rubs his thumb over the side of Dean’s hand and sniffs before he takes in a deep breath. “I wish there was an easy answer…”

Dean turns his hand to hold Cas's and gives his hand a gentle squeeze. "Me too, but until that happens, I guess you'll have to deal with cheap meals with poor social workers once in a while."

“I can work with that,” Cas says as he intertwines their fingers. This feels…. Different. Like something he is missing. There is a weird thought playing in Cas’s mind. A new one, that is scary at the same time.

He doesn't mind that Dick threw him out tonight.

…. :::: :::: ….

Dean lets out a huff at the sheer amount of results of his Google search. It has been a week since the stupid fundraiser and he doesn't know why, but Dean decided to look up Cas's douchebag boyfriend on the work computer because his internet at home is spotty at best.

Dick Roman. Dean has spent the last couple of hours trying to find anything, other than Forbes Magazine fluff pieces on the guy. He has his hands in so many pots, Dean has no idea what's accurate and what isn't.

After clicking on another boring article about his investments in some sort of corn syrup manufacturer, he sighs again and drops himself back in his seat.

The moment he leans back, he sees Cas stumbling in and he looks horrible; like he hasn’t slept in days and is still sick with the flu. His right cheekbone is swollen and he is bleeding from his right eyebrow. “Dean,” he breathes out, licking over his lips. “I need… a place for tonight.”

Dean is instantly out from behind the desk. "Son of a bitch," he says as he steadies Cas. "Come on, let's go to the medic room."

Cas is shivering as he leans into Dean, and lets him guide him to the medic room without protest. “I’m glad you’re here tonight,” he murmurs before he starts coughing.

Shit, so is Dean. For whatever the reason, Dean has a soft spot for Cas. As social workers, they all end up getting a favorite, and Cas fast became Dean's. Sometimes there are cases that, no matter how hopeless, the worker can't help but do everything in their power to… just help. Even if it’s as small as buying them a bowl of soup.

"What did that son of a bitch do to you?" he asks as he grabs the first aid kit.

Cas closes his eyes as Dean guides him to sit on the bed. He looks extremely tired, and has dark circles under his eyes. "He threw me out because I can't work when I'm sick."

Dean's blood absolutely boils, but he takes a deep breath so his anger doesn't scare Cas. "And the shiner?"

He bites down on his lower lip and looks away. "I ran into the wall on my way out."

“It's okay, baby, I just tripped on the stairs.” Mary Winchester's voice echoes in his head, and Dean takes another breath. 

He grabs an ice pack out of the freezer and wraps it in a towel as he hands it to Cas. "Was it a fist shaped wall?"

Cas grabs the ice pack slowly and holds it against his face. His eyes are wide when he looks up, and there is a fuck ton of fear in them. "Are you angry with me?"

Fuck. Dean shakes his head. "No, the asshole who did this to you? Him I'm livid with."

"Dean, it's not so bad. I can barely feel it," Cas replies in a soft voice, and it sounds like he wants to soothe Dean's anger.

Dean sighs and looks at Cas. "And if I offer you that referral?"

Cas looks away. "There is no way I can do that or talk to anyone. I just can't." A tear runs down his cheek and he sniffles. "I'm sorry, Dean."

As Dean hands him a tissue, he flashes him a small smile. "Doesn't hurt to ask."

Cas takes the tissue and rubs his tears away. "Are you sure you aren't angry with me?"

"Cas, I promise, I'm not angry at you or with you. I'm angry for you." Dean says carefully. "Can I clean your cut?"

“Yeah,” Cas breathes out, but he is still clearly shaken, his body trembling. Dean has no idea what he has been through, but it must have been rougher than usual. 

"This might sting," he warns. Dean grabs a cotton ball and douses it in antiseptic as he carefully cleans up Cas's face, a gentle, non aggressive movement. He doesn't understand how anyone could do this to another person, especially ones as sweet as Cas, or his mother.

A soft whimper leaves Cas's lips before he traps his lower lip under his teeth. "This was really a shitty day. I'm glad you're here."

Dean feels at ease, hoping this is a good sign. It may take time, but maybe Cas will find the will to leave his situation. Dean smiles and says, "I'm glad you're safe."

There is the tiniest smile on Cas’s lips, but he doesn’t say anything. He lets Dean work on him, but Dean can feel him calming down. When Dean is done cleaning Cas up, Cas looks up with a sheepish expression. “Is your hoodie still here?”

Dean chuckles and nods. "I told you I'd keep it here for you." He grabs a couple of DayQuil and hands them to Cas with a bottle of water. "This should help the cold symptoms."

“Thank you, Dean.” He takes the medication and drinks some water, sighing after he swallows them. “I wish this dumb cold was over. I haven’t been this sick in a while.”

"Well, I vote we get you my hoodie and you rest up, get some sleep. Hopefully you'll feel better," Dean says as he offers his hand to help Cas to his feet.

Cas takes his hand, and it’s warm but he can feel he's way too weak for Dean’s liking. Cas doesn’t let go of Dean’s hand when he stands beside Dean, giving a faint smile. “That sounds like a good plan. And I must confess that I missed that hoodie.”

Dean smiles again, this time a little sadder. "I'd let you keep it if you could."

The sad smile is mirrored in Cas’s expression as he leans in closer, suddenly resting his forehead on Dean’s shoulder. “I feel dizzy,” he murmurs.

Shit. "When was the last time you ate?" he asks as he looks down at Cas.

“I, um, yesterday morning,” Cas finally confesses. “I was too tired to ask for food.”

The urge to punch something, more specifically a plastic-smiled douchebag who doesn't deserve someone as sweet as Cas, is overwhelming. Dean grabs Cas's arm to wrap it around his shoulder as he helps him down the hall. He sits Cas down as he quickly pops into the break room to grab his hoodie, and pops a frozen burrito in the microwave.

As it cooks, Dean steps back out and hands Cas the hoodie. "I'm microwaving you a burrito. It's not as good as pho, but you'll never get over this cold without something in your stomach."

Cas blinks up at him with a weak smile. “Thank you, Dean. I’m so grateful to have you in my life.” He crawls into the hoodie and Dean is hopeful that those are the first signs of Cas seeing and understanding how bad his situation is. When Cas’s head pops out of the hoodie his hair is in disarray, and Dean’s fingers itch to straighten it.

Dean resists that unprofessional urge and says, "Until I bring out the dreaded clipboard."

Cas tilts his head and gives him a cute smile. “I really traumatized you the first day we met, didn't I?”

Dean shakes his head. "Nah, I've had way worse reactions." He hears the microwave beep and goes back into the break room. Plopping the burrito on a paper plate, Dean returns, offering it to Cas. "Just bean and cheese, but you could probably use the protein."

Cas carefully takes it in his hands before he takes a bite and his eyes go wide. He hums around it as he wolfs it down, looking like he never had a burrito before. “This is so tasty,” he says with a full mouth before he gives him an apologetic look and swallows the food. “Sorry. My manners are abysmal.”

Dean chuckles and holds his hand out for Cas to take. "I'm definitely not one to judge. If you want another one, I could heat it up real quick?"

Cas takes his hand and intertwines their fingers as he gets up, squeezing Dean’s hand with a relieved smile before his expression turns shy. “What will you eat? I can’t eat all your food.”

"There's a McDonald's a couple blocks away, so don't worry about me, I don't mind sharing if you're still hungry," he says. "Or we could save it for the morning for you if you're feeling sated enough."

“Saving it for the morning sounds good.” There is a sad shadow playing over Cas’s expression, and Dean can see him closing his eyes. Cas is still holding Dean’s hand, taking a moment before he asks, “What made you choose this job?”

Even though it is probably crossing a line, Dean keeps Cas's hand in his, justifying it by making sure Cas doesn't fall. "I, uh… had a rough upbringing. The only people who seemed to care were… social workers."

"So they were your childhood heroes?" Cas asks softly before he sleepily rubs his hand over his eyes.

Dean chuckles as he opens the door to Cas's room. "Something like that. Do you want me to set up the heater for you?"

"Yes, that would be nice. Your hoodie is warm, but… it's nice to have more warmth." Dean guides Cas to the bed and reluctantly lets go of his hand the moment he sits down on the bed securely.

Without missing a beat, he pulls out the little space heater and plugs it in, aiming it at Cas's bed. Dean turns to face him with a smile. "There we go. Do you need anything else?"

Cas stares at him for a moment before his expression turns embarrassed and he murmurs, “No, um, I shouldn’t take up any more of your time. Thank you.”

"You get some rest, and you know where I am if you do need anything," Dean says as he steps toward the door.

“Are you here the whole night?” Cas asks softly as he buries himself under the blanket and pulls his legs close to his body.

"Yeah, I get off at eight, so you can feel free to say bye to me before you leave."

“Yeah.” Cas furrows his brow and looks down at the sheet. “Um… you had a flier at the reception… with information, right?”

For the first time, Cas asks without Dean offering, and Dean feels a glimmer of hope. He nods. "I'd be happy to give you anything you want."

Cas gives him a timid smile. “I just want… to have a look.”

Dean nods again and holds his finger up as he leaves, running to the front desk to grab the pamphlets on the services they offer, and arrives back to Cas's room, with one of the cookies Jo's wife had baked for them. "So, I grabbed a couple of pamphlets for you…"

Cas reaches out for them with a trembling hand. He inhales sharply as he takes them, before he looks up at Dean with a pained look. "Thank you. Is the cookie my reward?" There is a soft smile accompanying his question.

Dean chuckles and hands him the cookie. "No, just a treat. Whether or not you decide to move forward, you can have the cookie."

Cas’s smile widens and it’s very nice to see. He takes the cookie with a very soft nod. “Thank you. This is very sweet of you.”

So what if Dean clearly has a favorite, and so what if he technically shouldn't be giving Cas non-approved food from their pantry or vending machines? Despite a wealthy, abusive boyfriend, Cas clearly isn't shown much kindness, and Dean desperately needs Cas to know that it does exist. "No thanks necessary. Get some rest, and dial double zero if you need me."

Cas curls into the bed again, looking like a cat, but clothed in Dean’s hoodie. He looks at the pamphlets and the cookie before his face turns to Dean. “I will try not to bother you. I hope you have a nice evening, Dean.”

"You don't bother me," he says as he resists the urge to card his hand through Cas's hair. Talk about unprofessional urges. Dean flashes him another smile as he approaches the door. "Get some sleep, hopefully you'll feel better in the morning."

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

Dean pulls his messenger bag strap higher up on his shoulder as he leans his elbow against the desk. Max has just relieved him from his shift for the night, and for once they had the time to shoot the shit. The shelter is full for the night, so all Max has to do for the rest of the night is keep an ear out for the phones and direct anyone else who comes in to the nearest shelter. Which is several miles away.

“Winter’s coming,” Dean quips to Max as he nods to the “no vacancy” sign that Frank, the shelter’s accountant, got as a bad joke. “At least this time, if Hannah comes in high, you can turn her away without feeling like a dick.” 

"Yeah," Max replies with a sigh as he leans back with his hands crossed behind his head. "I hope you have a nice night. Anything planned?" 

Dean chuckles. “A six pack of beer and a date with my TV.” He taps the desk. “I’ll keep the Drag Race spoilers to myself this time, I promise.”

“You better!” Max replies with a laugh. He nods goodbye when the phone rings and he answers it. 

As Dean pushes the door open, the sharp chill of Chicago wind strikes and he zips up his jacket. “Christ,” he murmurs as he fights the wind to shut the door. 

He freezes when he notices Cas kneeling next to the stairs on the ground, rocking his body back and forth, arms hugging his knees. His teeth are chattering because he, again, isn't wearing a jacket, and his right eyebrow is bleeding. 

“Shit, Cas,” Dean says as he drops his bag and takes off his jacket, immediately wrapping it around Cas’s shoulders. “How long have you been here?”

Cas looks up at him with shimmering eyes. "Not that long, but I walked for an hour. And... I'm too late." He looks up at the no vacancy sign.

“Yeah, tends to happen the closer we get to December,” Dean says as he looks around. “Is there anyone I can call for you, somewhere I could take you?”

Cas shakes his head. "I have no one."

The wind comes through again, and now without a jacket, Dean shivers from the sheer ungodly chill. If Cas stays out here all night, he’ll freeze to death. He looks up the street to where he’s parked and offers his hand to Cas. “Come on.”

He looks up at Dean in confusion. "What..." But he takes his hand anyway. His fingers feel frozen in his hand. "You're cold... I... do you want your jacket back?"

"Keep it for now," he says as he helps Cas to his feet. "I only live a few minutes away," Dean explains as he nods to Baby, his beautiful 67 Chevy Impala.

"You're taking me... home with you?" Cas asks after a few minutes, his eyes wide before they fall on his car. "Wow. Is that your car? She looks beautiful."

Dean smiles. Not everyone appreciates her beauty. "Yeah, isn't she? And you can't make a habit of this, but if we're full, I'm guessing other shelters are too."

Cas looks down and nods. "I'm very sorry. I don't want to inconvenience you. I just don't know where to go. You’re the only one I know."

"Hey, it's fine. If you don't mind a shitty pull out bed," Dean says before he opens the passenger side door for Cas.

"I'm happy being out of the cold. I don't care about the rest," Cas replies before he gives him a grateful nod and a smile. "Thank you, Dean. I think you really saved my life today." 

Dean returns the smile and makes his way to the driver's side door. When he settles in and warms up the engine, he says, "I haven't eaten since two. Are you hungry?"

Cas leans back into the seat after closing the door with a relieved expression, before he gives Dean a shy look. "Yeah... I think I ate yesterday."

"Yesterday?" Jesus. If Dean ever sees this Dick guy again, he'll definitely lose his job.

Cas looks away. "It's not because I wasn't allowed to... I just... didn't feel like eating. Dick said I was gaining weight."

Again, guaranteed job loss. Maybe arrested for assault. Dean shakes his head and turns away from his apartment and heads right for Suzie's. "I'm not sure where," Dean says as he flashes Cas a small smile. "And I plan on getting two burgers, so you're welcome to join me in my gluttony."

"I should be careful. The last time I was here... he got suspicious when my wounds were cleaned. I barely managed to talk my way out of it." He sighs before he nods. "But I think a little burger... he won't notice." Suddenly he flinches next to Dean and looks at him with big eyes. "I don't have any money."

Dean shrugs. "My treat then."

"I..." Cas blushes and swallows visibly. "I don't know how to thank you, Dean."

Leave that asshole boyfriend. Dean takes a deep breath, and instead says, "No need to thank me. If it makes you feel better, I take half the kids at our shelter to Suzie's a few times a month. I don't like eating alone."

Cas smiles at him then and it is a really nice sight. "Yes, that makes me feel better. I will try to be good company then."

"Well, you're sober, so that's a nice change of pace from my usual eating partners," Dean jokes as he pulls into the drive thru. Thankfully there's only two cars in line. 

They must have beaten the rush.

"I haven't touched any drugs or alcohol since I've been with Dick. He cleaned me up. Cold turkey."

Dean doesn't like where that train of thought goes. That can be so dangerous. Especially if the user is dependent on the drugs. "How long have you been sober?"

"For three years," Cas replies with a smile. "He told me that's why he controls my life. So I won't endanger myself. He really loves me."

Dean shakes his head in amazement. "He doesn't control you when he bans you from home. So, you not using on nights like this is all you."

Cas chews down on his lower lip with a thoughtful expression. "You really think that? That I could be on my own?”

"Do you?" Dean holds his finger up to say their order into the intercom. He turns back to Cas. "I mean, if you could use right now, would you?"

Cas shakes his head. "No, I don't ever want to feel like that again. But..." He looks down. "I shouldn't... There is nothing I can do. I owe him and he loves me. He does everything for me and... there is nothing I can do anyway. He has all my things... and he told me... that I can't leave him... that..." Cas bites his lower lip, looking out of the window. Dean can see a single tear running down his cheek.

Dean pays the employee before she hands them their two paper bags of four burgers and three fries. As he pulls out of the drive-thru, he lets out a soft sigh. "Like I told you, I have contacts. My friend Charlie regularly helps people get out of their situations."

"I'm afraid, Dean," Cas admits after a while. "Not just for me, but he said he will kill everyone in my life, and me, if I leave him or talk to anyone." He takes a deep breath. "And I know he would."

Dean knows guys like that. They're the ones that usually make serious threats. "Well, that's one of the reasons I got into social work. To help others be brave."

Cas gives him a long look before he asks carefully, "Have you been in a similar situation?"

"Kind of," Dean says as he pulls into the small tenant garage of his complex. "My Mom couldn't leave my Dad, especially with two kids. He never touched us, but that's because she always made sure to be the one he could reach."

Cas nods softly, his eyes sad. "I'm sorry that happened to your family."

Dean pulls into the parking spot and says, "I'm sorry it's happening to you."

Cas shrugs at that. "I can't remember a time where it hasn't been like this. At one point I just had to ask... maybe it's me..."

"Well, tonight it won't be like that. I hope you're caught up with Drag Race All Stars, because I have the newest episode on my DVR."

"I don't know what that is," Cas replies with a shy expression as he follows Dean through the parking space, carrying their food.

"RuPaul's Drag Race?" he says as he hits the button for the elevator.

Cas shakes his head. "I don't watch television. I only work... actually."

Dean's eyebrows shoot up. "Then we're changing that tonight."

Cas gives him a quick smile before he leans against the elevator wall. "What is it about?"

Dean chuckles and hits the button for the eighth floor. "Drag Queens competing for the title of Drag Superstar."

Cas chuckles at that before he looks surprised. He holds his hand in front of his mouth and looks up at Dean. "I can't remember... the last time I laughed."

"And I'm not that funny, so that's pretty sad," Dean says as he flashes him a smile.

"Well, I don't know you that well, so I can neither confirm or deny that, but I... I really like you... I mean your company. You're very nice." He blushes again, looking to the side as the elevator stops at Dean's level.

And while Dean isn't supposed to feel the same, he does. The elevator dings and the doors open. "You don't like me when I whip out the intake though. Aww, look, we already have a running gag."

Cas follows Dean to the apartment door with a soft smile. "I really apologize for that. I know that I was rude. I was just very, very tired."

"Don't worry about it. Like I said before, I get way worse reactions. Your lack of denial is refreshing." Dean opens his door and holds it open for Cas. "Sorry for the mess."

Cas looks around at his apartment, a soft smile on his lips. "If there is anything I can do, please put me to work. I feel bad for intruding on you."

"Nope. No chores for guests. Them's the rules," Dean says as he drops his bag on the floor. "Let me clear the table, I'll grab us some drinks too, just make yourself comfortable."

Cas waits with the bag of food in his hand as Dean makes space, before he gestures to him to sit down on the couch. 

It takes a second before Cas finally carefully sits down, putting the bag on the table and starting to unpack it. "I don't think it's a mess, Dean. You should see my atelier."

"Your what?" he says with a laugh as he grabs a couple of sodas from the fridge.

“My studio. Well, it’s not mine. It belongs to Dick.” Cas looks down at his lap. “It’s a large space under the roof of his house, with a lot of light. I work there.”

"What kind of work?" Dean stops himself on the couch next to Cas and hands him a Pepsi.

"I'm an artist." He takes the Pepsi with a mumbled thanks. "Dick manages everything. He sells my art."

Dean nods as he grabs one of the bags of fries. "Well, if you ever feel like updating the murals at the shelter…"

For a moment Cas's expression lights up before it instantly darkens. He gives him a quick smile. "That's not... I'm not allowed to go anywhere or meet people. If Dick knew that I was here..." He bites his lip again and it already looks red and swollen. At least the small cut on his brow has stopped bleeding.

Dean gently rubs the pad of his thumb against Cas's lip to pry it from his teeth. "Well, I can pick up paint, and you can paint if you feel like it next time you stay at the shelter."

Cas's breathing hitches as he gives Dean a wide eyed look. His hand reaches up as he touches his own lip. He blushes again before he swallows visibly. "Um... Thank you. I would love that."

"Good," Dean says, ignoring the warmth he feels, and the tingling from where Cas's lip touched his skin. "Let's eat, and I'll introduce you to the world of catty drag Queens."

Cas stares at him for a moment before he blinks and nods quickly. "Yes, I'm very much looking forward to watching it... with you." 

There is another shy smile before Cas carefully picks up the burger and bites into it. The noise that falls from his lips could be straight from one of the gay pornstars Dean enjoys on a lonely night. “Oh, fuck, this is good.”

"You've never had Suzie's?" Dean turns on the TV; hopefully it'll distract from any future noises.

Cas shakes his head, smiling around the burger. "This makes me very happy."

"Can't beat a greasy burger and fries," Dean agrees as he takes a huge bite out of his own.

"I think the last time I had fries... it's so long ago. I forgot what they taste like." Cas munches on one of them with a grin. "Dick has a personal cook, and when we eat out it's only five star restaurants."

Dean snorts as he stuffs three fries in his mouth at the same time. "No thanks. Food that wouldn't feed an ant at the price of a maserati? I'm good."

Cas starts to laugh, and it is a really nice sound. “I agree. This…” He holds up his half eaten burger. “Is so much better.”

Dean knocks his half eaten burger into Cas's. "Cheers to that."

Cas smiles brightly at him before he continues to inhale the rest of his burger, still doing porn noises. But at least now the intro of RuPaul is drowning it out. Cas's eyes are trained on the TV, and Dean can see that he seems to be fascinated with the show.  He smiles after a while before he looks at Dean. "They are all very high on energy."

"Yeah," Dean says as he starts the next burger. "It's like the shelter during pride week."

"I bet," Cas replies after a moment, taking a sip of his Pepsi. He can feel his eyes on him. "Are you... you don't have to answer this of course, but are you gay?"

Dean chuckles and flashes him a crooked smile. "Do you think I am? Do I read gay?"

Cas blushes again before he shrugs. "I'm not very good at guessing people's sexuality. I don't have a 'gaydar,'" he explains, using air quotes and everything. 

"I'm bi," Dean says.

"And you don't have a partner at the moment?" Cas asks after a moment, his eyes on the TV as he slowly eats his second burger.

Dean shakes his head as he grabs his Pepsi. "My work hours are… less than great for relationships. My two exes hated it."

Cas frowns before he shakes his head. "I don't get it. You're helping people, you're nice… and you are very good looking. You would think that should be more important than work hours."

Dean can't help but chuckle. "I'm good looking?" Which is a helluva compliment from a man who looks like a model.

Cas tilts his head. "You must know that. When I look at you, I instantly want to draw you. Especially your eyes. I don't think I have ever seen someone with your eye color before."

"So, that makes me the Rose to your Jack?" Dean teases.

"Huh?" Cas asks, tilting his head again. "Who?"

Dean laughs. "Titanic? Shitty movie about a sinking boat, but it focuses on a love story?"

"Well, I know of the Titanic, but I didn't watch the mov… are Rose and Jack the love story?" Cas asks with a shy smile.

"Yeah," Dean says, "the iconic scene where Jack draws her naked, save for an ugly necklace worth like… I don't know, a couple hundred grand."

Cas chuckles at that before he asks, "Do you want me to draw you naked?"

"Do you?" he returns with a half smirk.

The soft blush appears on Cas's cheeks again. "I would love to draw you. Clothes or no clothes, whatever you feel comfortable with if you agree to be painted."

The smirk curls into a smile. "Either way, I'd be happy to pose for you."

Cas's eyes widen. "Really? That's… amazing. Thank you." His expression changes then before he sighs. "I just need to figure out how to get my sketching block and pencils out and with me the next time." He shakes his head in dismay. "On the one hand I'm looking forward to seeing you again, taking the opportunity to draw you. On the other hand… the circumstances leading to that point would really… suck."

Dean ignores the implications there and instead tries to focus on the good things. "Write down what you need. My sister-in-law is a teacher at the deaf school. I could probably get her to sneak some stuff out of the art rooms."

What Dean doesn't say is starting anew, or escaping an abusive relationship to this degree, usually means you lose all your stuff in the process. But Cas doesn't need to know that yet.

"That's nice, but I don't want her to get in trouble." Cas gives him another shy smile. "I'm sure I can manage something with my stuff. I'm good at doing things covertly." He leans back against the couch, his eyes lingering on Dean for a moment before they go back to the screen. 

Shit. Dean knows this feeling. The burgeoning of a connection with someone. It’s the beginning of an emotional bridge that could turn into any number of relationships. Whether friends, family, or something more. 

And whichever way, it could be dangerous. Dean grabs his soda and polishes it off as Akashia and Victoria Parker find out they are the bottom two, and will have to lip synch for their life.

“Who do you think will win?” Cas asks with a soft smile.

Dean chuckles. “It’s kinda unfair, because I know who loses. But the first time I watched it, I was rooting for Porkchop.”

"Oh, I didn't know you'd seen this already." He tilts his head, giving him a cute look. "Why are you watching it again?"

“Figured since you haven’t even heard of it, we should start from the beginning.”

There is the shyness again. "That's... very nice of you. I'm really enjoying this. It's a lot of fun to watch them. I love their creativity and clothes."

“You up for another? If you’re tired, I could take this to my bedroom.” Dean hates how much he hopes the night won’t end yet.

For a second Cas looks incredibly embarrassed and surprised before he stutters, "W–what? Oh... um... no we can... I'm not tired. Not anymore."

Dean pats him on the knee. “That’s why you eat.”

Cas licks over his lips as he stares at Dean. "Huh?"

“You were probably tired from a lack of food.” Dean holds the unspoken staring contest for a moment. “Can I ask you something?”

"Of course," Cas immediately replies, never breaking eye contact. Dean can feel the tension between them rising, becoming palpable. 

Dean licks the seam of his lips, a habit he has when he’s trying to form the right words. “When was the last time you were happy?”

Cas finally looks away, his shoulders sinking before he looks up at Dean again with a soft smile. "I feel happy now. But before that... I don't know... I can't remember."

He gently claps a hand on Cas's shoulder. "Well, at least you'll have tonight. Greasy burgers with a poor social worker, watching trashy TV in a messy apartment."

"Your apartment isn't messy, Dean." Cas chuckles and the expression in his eyes is almost adoring. "I seriously can't thank you enough. This feels like... a vacation... from my life, and I... wish I could always feel like this."

Dean wants to promise that he can, but he feels like it is crossing a line. “If you could, if you could leave him without… the fear of his response, would you?”

Cas swallows visibly and nods. “Yes,” he breathes out before he looks away quickly. A tear runs over his cheek and he inhales irregularly.

Without hesitating, Dean cups Cas’s face and holds his gaze. “Just breathe, Cas. He can’t hear you.”

Cas's eyes meet Dean's and he can see the fear and shock in them, shimmering wet with unshed sorrow. "Dean," he breathes out before he leans into him and buries his face against his shoulder. "I... I'm so afraid," he sobs.

Dean wraps his arms around Cas and holds him. He murmurs against the crown of his head, “You’re safe, Cas. You’re safe right now.” 

Cas wraps his arms around him and tightens his grip as if he is afraid of drifting away in a stormy sea and Dean is his life line. He's still having trouble breathing, Dean can hear it. So Dean gives Cas the time to work through the emotional outburst; something he is certain needed to come out. 

It takes a long while before Cas breathes normally again. He nods softly against Dean's shoulder. "I know... you make me feel safe," he whispers.

Dean starts to rub a soothing circle on Cas’s back. “I’m glad.”

He can feel him relax. They stay like that for another long moment before Cas sighs and hesitantly pulls back, rubbing the back of his hand over his eyes. "I'm... I'm sorry... for being so..."

Dean uses the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear track. “Nothing to be sorry for. And you wanna know something?”

Cas raises an eyebrow, and his breathing hitches again as he looks at Dean. "What?"

“You’re stronger than you think,” Dean says as he flashes him a small smile. “And when you realize that, I’ll be here to help you.”

"Why do you have so much faith in me?" Cas asks quietly after a moment.

Dean shrugs. “Something about the fight I saw in you that first night. When you pushed back about the intake. There are so many people who… just don’t.”

He gives him a faint smile. "I was more rebellious in my youth... maybe when I get cranky from sleep deprivation it shines through."

“Don’t let him douse your light, Cas.” Again, this is bordering on inappropriate, if it hasn’t already crossed into that territory. Although, maybe that happened when Dean brought him home.

Cas searches his eyes for… something Dean isn't sure. "You really think... that I could have a chance? That I'm not broken beyond repair?"

Dean furrows his brow. “You’re not broken, Cas. Humans don’t break. We aren’t vases.”

"I sometimes feel like one. Empty, and with a ton of cracks and missing pieces," he explains before he gives Dean a smile. "It would be nice to have something blooming inside again."

“If you want, I could call my friend Charlie. Have her come over in the morning. I’ll even make her bring breakfast.”

"Who was that again?" Cas asks with a head tilt.

Dean shifts to lean back against the couch. “My contact from Marjoree Mason. She’s helped a lot of people in similar situations to yours. Get out, get a job, find a place. Even some extreme cases.”

Cas starts chewing on his lip again. "I... I don't know... I... you're saying extreme?"

"Yeah. Like yours. Emotional, mental, and financial control combined with physical violence and threat of death. He may make you feel alone, but sadly, Dick isn't the only monster out there. There's hundreds of them."

Cas swallows visibly. "It's weird how you're... summarizing my life like that... I..." He shakes his head. "Do you know people that really got away? Is that a realistic chance?"

"It isn't easy, it's scary, but yeah, Cas. I've seen it. Even if it means relocating them to another state." Dean flashes him a sad smile. "It only fails when they go back. Especially if the partner knows what they did, about our involvement. Those are the cases we never see again."

"I'm so fucking afraid that he'll find out I'm talking to you. Dean..." He swallows before he looks down at his shoes. "I really don't know what to do... and I feel so incredibly guilty... for wanting to leave him. I know how that sounds... but I can't change the way I feel."

Dean shakes his head. "Again, you aren't alone. Monsters like him… they're groomers. They manipulate you with every action." He shifts to pull his knee up on the couch, turning to face Cas as he braces his right arm along the back of the couch. "Now feel free to not answer, but for example, when you have sex, does he always make sure you come first? Again, feel free to not answer."

Cas looks at him in shock. "How do you know that?"

Dean sighs. "It's not about your pleasure, it's honestly not even really about his. It's about control. He's calling all the shots." 

Cas looks hurt at that. "I thought... he does it because he loves me and wants to make me feel good." He shakes his head, looking incredibly sad. "I mean... after he makes me come... it just hurts..."

Jesus Christ. Dean can't stop himself from pulling Cas in for another hug. "Shit, Cas."

Cas wraps his arms around him with a sigh, pressing himself close. "It's alright... sadly the sex with him is not the worst I've experienced in my life. He always makes me feel wanted and desirable. Something I usually don't feel. And he doesn't sleep with me very often. He did in the past, but now he only does it when I ask him... or beg him."

Dean squeezes him a little tighter. He has nothing to say to that. His heart almost aches at the sheer viciousness those words hold.

"Dean," Cas whispers after a moment. "This feels really nice... I can't remember the last time someone hugged me... Fuck, I needed that."

“Let’s just pretend I’m still a professional,” Dean laughs against Cas’s neck.

Cas tenses at that before he pulls back, looking embarrassed and sad. "I'm sorry... I didn't think... I thought we... Forget it, I'm stupid."

Dean shakes his head, gently bracing his hand at Cas’s neck. “We what?”

Cas licks over his lips, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment before he looks up at Dean. "I thought... hoped... we could be friends..."

Dean flashes him a smile. “I guess, it’s not technically illegal or… inappropriate.”

He leans into Dean's hand on his neck like a touch starved cat as he asks quietly, "Is that something... you want... to be my friend?"

“Haven’t really had that in a long time either,” Dean says with a soft laugh.

He can see the smile forming on Cas's lips, a smile that turns wider and happier. "Me neither... I... I'm not allowed to have friends..." He shakes his head, teeth clamping down on his lower lip. "I want to... I want that to change."

“So maybe hear Charlie out. She’s only a little scary. I promise.”

"Scary?" Cas gives him a wide eyed look before he slides closer to him on the couch. Their legs are pressed together and Cas radiates a lot of warmth.

Dean nods. “Yeah, kind of like an excited muppet.” He pauses for a moment before he adds, “You do know the muppets, right?”

"Kermit," Cas replies with a soft smile before he nods. "Yes. I had a Kermit the frog as a kid." He looks sad again, leaning his head against Dean's arm, that is extended along the couch backrest.

“I had a Miss Piggy. She was cheaper.” Dean chuckles. That was the reasoning Mom had used to convince Dad to buy it in the first place.

"I got mine for my sixth birthday from the maid," Cas tells him after a moment. "But I lost him... when I was sixteen. I ran away from conversion therapy camp." 

Dean shakes his head. Fucking conversion camps. One of his friends got sent to one, and he came back… not the same. In any way shape or form. “See, Cas? You’re a survivor.”

"Back then I was still rebellious." Cas gives him a quick smile. "But yeah, after that... I had nowhere to go. Dropped out of school, landed on the street. It was a shitty time. Until Dick picked me up."

Fucking predatory prick. Like a twisted version of Pretty Woman. Dean refrains from making that reference. "And there's no one? A family member who wasn't an asshole? An old friend?"

"No, the boy I kissed.... he had his own problems at home. My brother loved to beat the ever loving shit out of me. My parents hated me... and my former best friend turned out to be a homophobe. I... had nowhere to turn to. My whole world just ended just because of one kiss." Cas sighs and leans closer to Dean. 

“Shit, Cas,” Dean says as he gently pats Cas’s knee.

"I did a lot of stuff that I'm not proud of after... stuff to survive. Like sex for money... drugs..." He sighs, his hand cupping Dean's, holding it so it stays on his knee.

Dean shrugs. “Surviving is surviving.”

There is a huff of laughter before Cas shakes his head. "I'm used to hearing accusations now. Dick hates that I… had sex with other people."

“That’s bullshit, considering most adults have at least seven partners in a lifetime.” Again, it’s all about control. The only thing these monsters can’t control is their victim’s past.

"He brings it up very often. Especially when I'm good during sex," Cas replies after a moment, his thumb stroking softly over the back of Dean's hand.

Dean nods. “Another form of control, manipulating the emotions you associate with your past.”

"He always makes me feel so guilty... I know... that he wants me to reassure him at all times, that he is the only one for me. And that I'm not interested in other people."

Textbook possessive jealousy. “Unreasonable expectations. One of my exes cried out Vin Diesel’s name when they came. It doesn’t mean anything.” Dean can’t help but laugh. Lisa was the right kind of weird.

Cas's eyes widen. "How could anyone think of someone else when they were having sex with you?" he asks before he puts his hand in front of his mouth and blushes. He looks down and shakes his head. "I mean... you... are pretty... um... awesome."

Dean presses his lips together to contain the chuckle. “Hey, I’m no Vin Diesel.”

"I don't know who that is... but from my perspective I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be any competition." He looks away again, his hand squeezing Dean's hand. 

“Thanks, Cas. You’re not so bad yourself.”

"You don't need to say that, Dean." Cas looks down at their hands. "I... I'm nothing."

Dean uses his free hand to tilt Cas’s head up by the chin. “Only according to one controlling prick. And trust me, he’s wrong.”

"Is he?" His eyes are shimmering again. "I have nothing. I didn't even finish school. And... my body... you can't see it, but..." He bites his lower lip hard.

With his hand still on Cas’s chin, Dean slides his thumb up to gently pry the lip from his teeth again. “Bruises heal. Scars fade with time. And that’s something else I could help you with. Get you enrolled in a GED program.”

There is a glimmer of hope in Cas's eyes as his breathing hitches. His lips part and for a second he chases Dean's finger, pressing his lips against his thumb again, his eyes never leaving Dean's.

Bad idea. Exceptionally terrible idea. But Dean finds himself drawing closer to Cas, thumb sliding to the bottom of his chin. Dean can’t take his eyes off of Cas’s lips.

He can hear the way Cas's breathing pattern changes as he leans in closer. Just a little bit, hovering close. The tip of his tongue wetting his plush, inviting lips.

Dean closes the gap between them, capturing Cas’s bottom lip in a tender kiss. He doesn’t deepen it, but lingers there.

For a second Cas doesn't react, but then he gasps softly and returns the kiss, his hand finding Dean's arm to hold onto.

Dean’s hand trails to the side of Cas’s face as he tilts his head, mouth roving along the curves of Cas’s lips. He taps his tongue against the seam of surprisingly soft lips. 

Cas's lips part and his tongue hesitantly finds Dean's, carefully exploring his taste with a soft moan. His arms wrap around Dean, gently pulling him closer.

Dean drops back onto the couch, pulling Cas with him as he meets Cas’s exploration with his own. His other hand curls into Cas’s hair, bringing him impossibly close.

The kiss turns more heated as Cas moans into it, his hip pressing against Dean's leg, and he can feel that he is hard. He licks at Dean’s upper lip, breaking the kiss just for a moment for air as he breathes out Dean's name.

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean murmurs, getting a little lost in a crystal blue gaze. “I think I could kiss you for hours.”

Professionalism clearly went out the window long before this moment anyway.

Cas gives him a smile, staring back at him. "Yeah, I would love that... or I could..." He gives him a shy smile. "Blow you?"

Dean’s eyebrows shoot up. Cas’s words make his cock twitch with interest, and he realizes the lack of blood to the brain is likely the reason for his contemplation of consent. He looks at Cas and says, "I want you to know, I… I'm not expecting you to do that for me."

Cas freezes for a moment to look at him before he visibly swallows. "I, um, fuck, I honestly wasn't even thinking in that direction. Of course that would be a concern for you... Um. Dean." Cas runs his fingers through his own hair, messing it up even more. "I'm very attracted to you. For the first time in my life I just want to do something that I choose. For myself." He smiles at Dean and it's gentle and happy. "The fact that you just said that makes me trust you even more."

Dean feels a wash of relief. He smiles and says, "Fuck, I'm really attracted to you too." 

Cas gives him a happy smile before he starts kissing down Dean's throat. His hand sensually slides down Dean's chest and towards Dean's jeans, clever fingers opening the button and the zipper. "Fuck, I can't wait to have you in my mouth," Cas groans, his fingers sliding over the bulge in Dean's jeans.

With a groan of appreciation, Dean drops his head back, just soaking in the pleasurable sensation of Cas’s palm and the friction of fabric against his now painfully hard dick. He props himself up by his elbows so he can look at Cas again. 

Cas's eyes meet his, an almost carefree expression mixed with lust as he leans back to carefully pull down Dean's jeans and underwear. His cock springs free and Cas licks over his own lips before he leans down, taking Dean's cock into his mouth. 

The moan that escapes is purely instinctual. The heat, the wicked sensation of that pliant tongue wrapping around his girth has Dean practically gasping. “Oh, fuck, Cas…”

Cas's tongue presses against his whole girth, massaging it before pulling back and licking up the precum from the slit. He swirls it around the head before he sucks him deep into his mouth again, bobbing up and down and trying to swallow him deeper every time.

Dean groans outright, fingers curling in a gentle grip, as though holding on as his body shudders from the pleasure. It has been a hot minute since he’s been with anyone, and Dean really hopes he can hold out longer than an inexperienced teenager.

Cas flattens his tongue against the underside of Dean's cock and licks it with a sensual expression on his face. When he looks up at Dean his voice sounds breathless, "I want you to come in my mouth."

Dean nods, letting out a breathy chuckle. “Sadly, it probably won’t take long.”

Cas smiles at him. "I'll take it as a compliment." He dives right back into it, licking and sucking him in deep, moaning around Dean's girth that stretches Cas's lips so beautifully.

This time Dean’s head drops back without a conscious thought. Cas is damn skilled, and that wickedly talented mouth works his cock with such precision, Dean can’t help but gasp with each pulse of pleasure. As that tongue finds every single nerve ending. 

Dean can’t control his moans, and finds himself teetering. “Cas… fuck, I’m gonna…”

Cas moans around his cock and sucks him deeper and faster. Dean can't hold back any longer and comes down Cas's throat, watching him in lust and pleasure as he sucks and drinks every drop, working him through it. 

Cas moans softly before he releases him, breathing hard as he looks up. "Fuck, that was fun."

Dean groans again and waves for him to come closer. He pushes himself up to draw Cas in for another kiss, tasting himself on Cas’s tongue.

Cas moans into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean to hold him close. He softly nips at Dean's lips with a soft sigh. "It feels so good, being in your arms."

Dean smiles into their kiss as his hand trails down Cas’s side and to his hip. “Can I touch you?”

Cas leans back and gives him an insecure look. "Yeah, alright… but… don't look. Please."

“Okay,” he says as his hand slips between them, rubbing over Cas’s erection. “Clothed sex can be hot.”

Cas suddenly tenses and shakes his head. "No, fuck. I can't do that. My pants will get stained and… I… I'm going to undress, but… just don't look, okay?"

Dean nods, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. “It’s gonna be hard… you’re seriously sexy.” It’s almost freeing, finally allowing himself to verbalize it.

"Believe me, you don't want to see me naked," Cas mumbles as he opens his jeans. Dean can feel Cas shifting against him as he pulls off his pants. They fall on the floor next to them. He shifts some more before pulling his shirt up, his expression thoughtful before pulling it completely off and letting it join the pants on the floor. "Just to be safe," he murmurs.

Dean leans up for another kiss as he enjoys the feel of Cas’s skin against his own. Taut muscles, and sharp edges in all the right places. He reaches between them to palm against Cas’s now freed dick. “Just so you know, I do.”

Cas groans and presses his head against Dean’s shoulder. “You say that now… but I’m afraid you’ll think I’m… disgusting.”

“Not possible,” Dean breathes out as he starts stroking Cas’s velvety and impressive girth.

“Uhhh, Dean. Feels so good,” he moans, hesitantly rocking his hips toward Dean’s hand. “I… promise me?”

Dean nods into another kiss. After a breathless collision of lips, Dean draws back to hold Cas’s gaze. “I promise.”

Cas's eyes search Dean's before he swallows nervously. "I don't know why, but you make me feel so safe and I... I trust you." He nods before he swallows visibly. "Alright, you can... you can look."

While still stroking Cas, but at a slower, more sensual pace, Dean looks down. There are a series of discolored bruises in various states of healing. The bruises are strictly in areas that won't be seen. Below the ribs and above the groin. And where there isn’t a bruise is a stark white, healed scar. Like from a switch, or a whip. 

The physical scars of his relationship with that prick are likely permanent, and yet all Dean can breathe out is a slightly awed, “You’re beautiful.”

He can see Cas squirming at the compliment, clearly not used to hearing them. "I think you should undress, too. I feel way too naked," he confesses.

Dean reluctantly releases Cas to sit up enough to pull off his shirt. He tosses it onto the pile with Cas’s. “Can you get my pants off?”

“Yes,” Cas replies with an excited grin as he leans back and helps Dean pull off his pants, playfully tossing them down the couch. His eyes wander over Dean’s body and he smiles again. “I don’t think I've ever felt this attracted to anybody before. You’re so sexy. And your freckles… fuck.”

“Yeah, I know, they’re everywhere,” Dean complains as he finds himself a little mesmerized by Cas’s form. Scars or no, he is built like a Greek god. 

"Why are you complaining? Your freckles are beautiful and I want to kiss every single one of them," Cas breathes out as he lies down next to Dean, right on the edge of the couch. 

Dean shifts to turn on his side, bracketing one arm around Cas’s shoulders as the other slides down, caressing his torso as he makes his way back towards his groin. “Fuck… It’s been a long time since I… felt a connection like this.”

Cas gasps when Dean starts stroking him again. They get lost in each other's eyes, a soft blush on Cas's cheek. "I never felt anything like this before. You make my heart go faster even when I just look at you."

Dean smiles as he presses a gentle kiss to his lips. He twists his wrist just right, thumbing at the precum dripping from Cas's slit. "Me too," he breathes out.

"Fuck," Cas cries out in lust. "You make me feel so good, Dean. Just like that. Don't stop."

The sounds Cas makes rival a pornstar’s, and if Dean was younger, he’d definitely be hard again. Dean keeps up the rhythm, pressing kiss after hungry kiss along his jawline and down his pulsepoint. 

"Fuck," Cas whines as he rocks into Dean's hand. It only takes a few more strokes and Cas comes all over Dean's hand with Dean's name on his lips like a prayer. 

Dean captures Cas’s lips in a gentle kiss as he slowly pumps Cas through the rest of his orgasm. 

Cas deepens the kiss and Dean can feel the underlying desperation. When he leans back he gives Dean a long look. "That was the best sex I ever had."

Dean caresses Cas’s cheek, letting out a soft laugh. “Me too.”

"You're kidding me?" Cas asks with an amused smile.

“Not even a little.” Ignoring all of the alarm bells for this line he crossed with Cas, Dean soaks in a little bit of the afterglow. Blue eyes shimmering in a beatific way, completely hypnotizing Dean for a moment before he quietly says, “Don’t go back to him.” 

Cas's eyes widen and he can see so much hope in them, it kills him. "You want me to stay with you?" he asks breathlessly. "I don't need to go back?"

Dean flashes him a hopeful smile. “No. We can figure all the other crap out later, but yeah… Please, Cas. Stay." The words, 'with me,' don't make it to his tongue. 

A tear runs over Cas's cheek as he quickly nods. "Yes, of course. I really... really don't want to go back. I want to be free."

“Maybe I can help with that,” Dean says as he gently wipes away the tear.

Cas nods. "I'm ready now. I want to get better."

Dean can’t help the sigh of relief that escapes. He drags the pad of his thumb across Cas’s bottom lip and smiles. “We should sleep first.” 

Cas moans softly as he kisses Dean's thumb. "Do you know how horny you make me when you do that? Touch my lips like that?" He gives him a tired smile. "You're lucky I'm tired."

Cas licks over his own lips before he quietly asks, "Can I sleep in your arms?"

Dean nods. “Yeah. But I vote we take this to my bed.”

The smile he gets from Cas is radiating.

…. :::: :::: ….

When Cas wakes up, the first thing he does is smile. He feels warm and safe and he knows this isn't a dream. Dean's strong arms are around him, holding him. His arms smell sun-kissed and he buries his nose against the man's skin, softly kissing the freckles. 

A day earlier he hadn't dared to think about Dean that way, although the image of him had popped into his mind so many times since he met him. There were a lot of revelations last night, and Cas was good at living in the moment, at compartmentalizing. 

This felt like Heaven right now, being safe and secure and he wouldn't admit any thoughts about the consequences into his brain.

He needs this, and he decides to be selfish and take it. 

His lips wander up Dean's arms, to his throat, softly licking and mouthing at the skin. Dean feels so incredibly good. And he loves how willingly he took him to bed and held him. This is normal, Cas knows that. This is how it should be. 

He shouldn't need to beg for closeness in a relationship.

“Dean,” he whispers against his skin, his lips trailing upwards behind Dean’s ear as he slides onto Dean’s lap, hot skin against hot skin. He moves his ass over Dean’s morning wood, his hand finding Dean’s soft hair, carding through it.

Dean lets out a pleasured groan. A hum of approval as his hips undulate upwards on apparent instinct.

Cas groans as he mouths at Dean's throat, licking and sucking softly as he shifts so Dean's cock gets trapped between his ass cheeks, bumping against his hole.

Dean's eyes flutter open with his next gasp. His eyes widen and a smile curls his lips. "Oh, good. I wasn't dreaming…"

Cas sits up in his lap and stretches his back, and his arms above his head. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Doesn't matter, this beats it," he says as he waves for Cas to draw close again.

Cas braces his arms either side of Dean's head before he kisses him. Lips move gently over Dean's oh so soft ones. He keeps teasing Dean's dick with small movements of his hips, light pressure on his waiting hole. He feels so horny that he wishes they could stay in bed all day. “Dean,” he softly gasps. “I want you so much.”

"Fuck, me too. There's lube and condoms in the nightstand," he gasps against Cas's lips.

Cas leans forward and opens the drawer, finding a purple bottle and some condoms next to it. "It's good that you have a few," he comments with a happy grin before he slides down the bed and strokes Dean's erection a few times. He feels so good in his hands, thick and velvety. 

He quickly opens the condom wrapper and slides it over Dean's cock, before he opens the lube and drizzles some of it into his hand. He spreads it over the rubber before he looks up to Dean with a grin. "Can't wait to ride you."

"Oh, fuck," Dean groans, nodding as he looks at Cas in awe, like he's the most wondrous thing Dean has ever encountered. "I can't either."

Cas leans down to kiss him deeply before he resumes his position on top of him, guiding Dean's cock to his hole. He rocks against it, trying to relax as he slowly pushes down on Dean. Dean is huge and it burns, but it’s manageable. 

"Whoa, Cas," Dean says as he grabs Cas's hips to halt him. "Aren't you gonna stretch yourself?"

"What?" Cas asks in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Dean's eyes widen as he urges Cas off of his erection. "Here," he says as he guides Cas onto his side. "Can you grab the lube?"

Cas leans over to grab the lube, giving it to Dean. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's not like that," Dean says as he sits up. "You've, uh… never been shown. Have you?"

"I... I really don't know what you're talking about," Cas replies, feeling more and more insecure and dumb.

Dean cups his cheek and leans in to kiss him. "Can I show you?"

"Yes, please," Cas replies as he tries to relax. "What do you want me to do?"

Dean smiles. "Lay on your back and spread your legs."

Cas leans back and spreads his legs, feeling a little exposed like this, but at the same time it makes him horny. His breathing hitches as Dean grabs a pillow and puts it under his ass to give him better access. "Dean, fuck," he breathes out, although Dean hasn't even done anything.

The way Dean licks his lips as his eyes rake over Cas's body is mesmerizing. He slides between Cas's legs and pours some of the lube on his fingers. He rubs the lube between his fingers for a moment before his hand is at Cas's hole, gently rubbing his pucker with slicked up fingers. "If you use lube to stretch yourself, it won't hurt as much."

Cas groans, watching Dean with a heavy beating heart. He touches him so gently and carefully, and Cas isn't used to that. It feels amazing and he can't help but moan as Dean carefully pushes one finger inside. "Fuck. This feels nice." He doesn't want to think of Dick; wonder why he had never taken his time with him. Of course they'd had foreplay and Dick had rimmed him, but it was usually over quickly and he wasn't as gentle as Dean is. He shakes his head. He's with Dean now. Dean is the only one who counts. And fuck... how he is touching him feels so right.

"The sounds you make," Dean groans as he circles his finger, the wet slide making it a pleasurable, addicting sensation. And then he crooks his finger and Cas practically sees stars as his prostate is gently tapped.

"Oh-h-h, Dean, fuck. That feels so good." He braces himself on his elbows, looking at Dean. "Fuck, I hope I don't come before I get to feel your cock in me."

Dean smiles and draws his finger back before a second slides in beside it. "I'll try to just stretch you then." Dean begins scissoring his fingers inside him.

It barely burns. Dean is so careful with him and it makes Cas dizzy with want. He has no idea it can feel this way. "Dean..." He writhes on the bed, feeling impatient. "I can... please, Dean. I need you."

Dean presses a kiss to Cas's inner thigh. A third finger starts pushing in. "Does it still feel good?"

Cas throws his head back, spreading his legs further for Dean. The burn is minimal. Especially since his brain is finally on track that this is Dean, and he wants him inside. He doesn't want to fight this. "Yes, I had no idea it would be so good... It doesn't hurt, Dean."

A moment later Dean is withdrawing his fingers and his cock is then pushing at Cas's pucker. Dean leans in to capture his lips as he slowly pushes inside. "I know you wanted to ride me, but I couldn't resist you." He lets out a breathy groan as he pushes in deeper.

"Ugh, fuck," Cas groans as he feels Dean sliding deeper, filling him and stretching his hole so deep and wide. The feeling is overwhelming, especially with the pressure on his prostate. It feels like Dean’s cock was made for Cas's hole. "Fuck, yes. I can always ride you the next time."

Dean nods as he sinks in to the hilt. "Fuck, you feel so good…"

"Oh, god, Dean." He bites down on his lower lip, moaning. "I think I will come untouched if you start fucking me. How do you feel this perfect... so right?"

Dean brackets his arms around Cas's head. "I feel it too." He lets out a shaky exhale. "Ready for me to move?"

"Yes, please. Fuck me, Dean." He gets lost in Dean's beautiful eyes, before he whispers, "Kiss me."

Dean smiles before capturing his lips in a kiss in time with his first thrust. He slowly starts picking up a rhythm.

Cas thinks he is falling apart. The way Dean fucks him slowly, takes him apart piece by piece, he knows he's never felt anything like this before. This isn't sex. They are making love, and Cas knows he will never get enough of feeling like this. "Dean..." He looks up at him with a moan. "What are you doing to me?"

Dean lets out a breathy chuckle. "Last I checked, we're having sex."

"I never had sex like this before," he breathes out. "I had no idea it could feel so good. Fuck, it feels like an infinite orgasm having you in me."

In response Dean kisses him. There's an underlying need as he shifts Cas's hips higher, now every thrust drumming against his prostate.

“Oh, fuck, Dean,” Cas cries out, throwing his head back as pleasure overwhelms him. “Fuck… uhhh. Yes, Dean fuck me…” He knows he isn’t saying anything sensible anymore, but Dean is fucking his brains out and he can’t think. Just feel.

Dean slides a hand between them and starts stroking Cas in time with his thrusts. "I'm gonna come. I want you to come with me," he groans out as his rhythm starts to stumble.

"Yeah, fuck, m'close, so close, yes yes, fuck, Dean. I'm coming..." Cas cries out a moment later because the combined pleasure of Dean's hand on him and his cock stretching and fucking him is too much. He shoots his load all over himself and Dean's hand, watching Dean's beautiful face as he goes over the edge as well.

It takes a long time before he can breathe normally again, all while staring at Dean in awe. He leans up to kiss him, deeply. Pressing a few more soft kisses to his lips before he falls back into the pillow again. "Fuck... that was incredible."

Dean hums as he relaxes against Cas, pressing lazy kisses along Cas's neck. "Feel free to always wake me up like that," he breathes out through a chuckle.

Cas grins and enjoys the afterglow, the way Dean hasn't already pushed him away , the intimacy of it. "Dean… I have a clean bill of health, but I can get tested again so you can see it officially."

Dean looks down at him with a curious smile. "You wanna fuck bare next time?"

"Yes, only if you want to of course… but I really want your cum inside of me," Cas replies, feeling a little embarrassed.

Dean groans and he can feel his cock twitch inside of him. "Yeah. We… we can definitely do that."

Cas smiles at Dean, happy and relieved at his reaction. "I think I'm getting addicted to feeling you." He leans up and kisses Dean. "I know this between us is going fast and we don't know each other that well, but fuck, you feel so right… I never felt at ease with anyone other than you."

Dean gently caresses Cas's cheek. "It's why I'm ignoring the fact I'm being unprofessional, but… like I said. I feel it too."

Cas hasn't really thought about that. How this must be for Dean. He isn't stupid, he knows how everything works, and he is self reflective enough to understand why this could be problematic. "I'm glad. I didn't expect this to happen… but I'm so glad that I met you." He caresses Dean's arm before he shyly asks, "Dean, you and I… Are you my boyfriend now?"

Dean gently drags the pad of his thumb along Cas's bottom lip. "It… might be a bit fast, but I'm not interested in seeing other people, and we've… still got some hurdles, but… yeah, Cas. I think this could be good between us."

Hearing that makes his heart beat faster. He really wants this. Dean is perfect, and he ignores all the bad voices in his head, telling him that he had once thought that about Dick. Maybe Dean is just another man 'saving him', before controlling his whole life. He tries to tune out those voices, because there is this other voice reassuring him that Dean isn't like that. He is considerate and gentle. Something he has never seen in Dick, not even at the start.

He needs this to work. And he needs Dean's strength and support, because he knows that on his own he won't be able to go through with this. Dean makes him feel brave. Because he makes Cas feel the faith he has in him. "Do you have to work today?"

"No, I'm off the next two days because I picked up the weekend shift. So I'm all yours," he says with a sweet smile.

"Oh, that's perfect. I was hoping we would have time to, you know… actually get to know each other." Cas laughs before he adds, "I feel like we barely talked before we started kissing."

Dean chuckles. "I promise, I don't usually bring people home from the shelter and have sex with them."

Cas raises his eyebrows. "I sure as hell hope not." He feels a little bit insecure then, the dark voices getting louder. "You haven't, right? Done this before?"

Dean furrows his brow. "I really haven't. Like I said, I'm usually more professional, but… I don't know. I've felt a connection to you for a while."

Cas feels relieved to hear that. He gives Dean a soft smile. "I feel the same. I've kept your card close to me since we met, and you kept popping up in my thoughts…" 

Dean smiles at that as he cards his hand through Cas's hair. "You kept my card close?"

"In my sock," Cas confesses. "It was the most secure place where… he wouldn't find it."

Dean leans in to press a gentle kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry you went through that."

Cas shrugs before he looks away. His emotions are torn about Dick; he tries not to think about him. Of course he knows that Dick is an abuser. He is afraid of him, with good reason. 

But if he had never met him, he would probably be dead now. And there is a part of him that will probably never stop being grateful for that.

Cas wraps his arms around Dean's body, keeping him close. He is still inside of him and hasn't made any move to pull out. He gives Dean a soft smile. "Do you feel comfortable being inside of me?"

Dean lets out a soft groan of laughter. "I'm a cuddler, if it's too much, I can pull out."

"I don't think I will ever get too much of you," Cas replies happily, pressing a kiss to Dean's shoulder. "I love being close to you. I never had this, but I always yearned to have someone I could feel…" He shakes his head before he corrects himself. "Someone I could cuddle with."

Dean flashes him a dopey smile. "Then I vote we get some more sleep," he murmurs as he carefully turns them onto their sides, never once pulling out. He settles, his face burrowed into the crook of Cas's neck. The soft, warm exhales tickle his skin.

Cas hums and tries to relax. But for some reason it’s hard for him. He realizes that his training is kicking in. His compulsion to go home. Because that is what Dick expects. That he will be waiting for him at the front door of his house. At seven am. A quick look at the clock tells him it’s 6:47 am. He is late.

But he doesn’t want to go back to Dick; go back to the constant fear that eats away at his essence, the things that make him himself. He can't stop seeing Dick opening the door in a few minutes and not finding him waiting.

He will be angry… most definitely. But a part of Cas wonders if Dick will be worried about him. He saved him from the streets. He took his time cleaning him up, and it was not pretty going through that. That has to mean something… right?

Cas doesn’t want to go back to the beatings, the pressure, the fear… but fuck… it is hard. His mind is swimming and nothing makes sense anymore. 

Dean makes sense. He feels right. Safe, gentle. He feels like a home should feel like this. Something he wants to return to. 

He clings to Dean more out of desperation because he doesn't want to let go. But Dean deserves someone better, not a broken and used shell of a man that has nothing in his life to show for it except failure. Cas doesn’t know what he can bring to the table, and it makes him feel unbalanced. It makes him feel like he is using Dean to escape. 

And he really doesn’t want that to be the case. But he doesn’t trust his feelings. They tend to steer him the wrong way; to drugs, to wrong decisions, to people who don't have his best interests in mind. 

It’s seven am now, and he can’t help the tears running down his cheek. Fuck, why is this so hard?

He must have made a sound, because Dean's eyes open, those impossibly green eyes are on him in concern, that gentle yet rough thumb wiping away at the tracks on his cheek. "Cas?"

“Yeah, sorry.” Cas tries to give him a smile. “I’m an emotional wreck.”

Dean's thumb remains on his cheek, now just a gentle back and forth caress. "And that's okay."

Cas closes his eyes, enjoying the feeling of Dean’s thumb on his skin. “Three years I’ve been with him. There will be a lot I need to get used to,” he whispers.

"I know this is fast, but… we can take this slow. As slow as you need," Dean says, just above a whisper, still holding him. Still close.

Cas leans back before he draws Dean into a gentle kiss. "Yeah, that might be a good idea... not just for me, but also... for you. I don't want you to think..." Cas sighs as he leans his forehead against Dean's. "That I'm just with you because I have nowhere else to go, and I really don't want to go back."

Dean chuckles. "Honestly, if it gets you out of that terrible situation, I'm okay with it. Like I told you, I'm happy to help you get on your feet too."

"Thank you." He knows he says that a lot. "I just want you to know that my feelings have nothing to do with that." He's pretty sure his feelings for Dean are rooted in the fact that he's incredibly attractive, and very nice and gentle... and he also feels like he can trust him. Cas feels safe with Dean. 

Dean draws him in for another kiss. "I know. It's my freckles."

"Oh, yes, that's the entire reason," Cas replies with a chuckle. He cards his fingers through Dean's soft hair. "And there are so many of them, I didn't stand a chance."

Dean hums, an appreciative sound. "You're the first person I've been with that likes them. I even used to cover them up."

“Excuse me?” Cas leans back in shock. “You’re a piece of art, Dean Winchester. And I should know.”

He can see the way Dean's cheeks color as he tries to duck his gaze. "That's a pretty nice compliment, Cas."

"It wasn't meant as one. I was just stating a fact." He shakes his head, amazed at how cute Dean is at that moment. "I really want to draw you."

Dean shrugs. "If you want to, we could pick up some supplies."

He really wants to, but he starts to feel bad again. "Dick always said... those things are expensive and I don't have any money... He always sold my art, and I have no idea how much money they are even worth."

"Well, we could pick up crayons and a drawing pad?" Dean flashes him a smirk.

"Is that really okay?" Cas asks carefully. He rubs his thumb over Dean's bicep before he looks up. "I'm not your guest anymore I would hope, so please let me at least do some housework." 

Dean chuckles. "Deal, but only because I hate doing the dishes."

“I actually love doing household things,” Cas confesses before he nuzzles his face against Dean’s arm. “It gives me a feeling of control in a world full of chaos.”

Dean gently caresses Cas's cheek. "That's normal. I think a lot of us… need that control where we can get it."

Cas closes his eyes against Dean's soft fingertips. He hums, "Yeah, and lucky for you that means you won't need to do any dishes anymore. I also love dusting and washing and folding clothes."

"Lucky me," Dean murmurs as he presses a kiss to his neck.

He can't suppress the soft whimper that falls from his lips, mixed with a high pitched noise because he is ticklish and really sensitive on his neck. "No," he breathes out. "Lucky me."

Lucky… He really feels that. Suddenly he is out of Hell and basically in Heaven, and it feels incredibly surreal.

…. :::: :::: ….

The past day had been… a weird kind of good. While Dean has bouts of internal panic at the line they crossed, the more time he spends with Cas, the more he gets to see the man beneath the bruises.

And he likes what he sees. There's a beauty in his strength. Dean isn't naive enough to assume that Cas is just magically better. There's going to be some rough patches.

A person can't survive that sort of trauma without scars. 

But for now, Dean is content to just… get to know him. After picking up lunch, and some cheap art supplies from a craft store, they returned home and ended up fucking on the couch again. 

When they finished, Dean sprawled out on the couch. Cas stated he really needed to draw Dean.

And that is how Dean finds himself, naked on the couch, one arm draped over his abdomen, the other above his head.

He hates how much he feels like Rose in Titanic. "I think we need to watch Titanic, so you get how eerily close this is."

"Why would I watch a movie where I already know the ending?" Cas asks, a concentrated look on his face as his gaze switches from his paper in front of him to Dean's body, working that pencil over his sketchbook. "The ship sinks."

Dean laughs and shakes his head. "It's more about the love story."

"That I guess has a tragic ending, because the ship sinks," Cas says as he taps his lips with the pencil thoughtfully before resuming his sketching. "I don't see the appeal of watching a movie that has no happy ending. My life already sucks. I don't want to see that in a movie." There is a soft smile on his lips before he looks at Dean again. "Well, it doesn't suck anymore, but you know what I mean."

Dean returns the smile. He likes Cas's smile. "Fair. I also wouldn't be opposed to watching While You Were Sleeping."

"What's that about?" Cas asks, the soft smile still present on his face. Dean can see that he is having fun, that he enjoys drawing.

"It's… kinda hard to explain. But it's peak 90's Bill Pullman. That alone makes it worth it." It helps that Dean's exposure influenced his psychosexual development. Dean shifts his position slightly to turn to Cas a little more. "What's your favorite thing to draw?"

"Depends what I'm in the mood for. For portraits it's the eyes. But in the last few months I've painted a lot of modern expressionism." He bites his lower lip again before he adds, "I like to paint landscapes."

"Sorry I have a shitty view," Dean says with a chuckle.

Cas laughs at that, his gaze wandering over Dean's body. "I have the best view imaginable."

"Can I see?" Dean asks, lifting his head as though he would be able to see the drawing pad held close to Cas's torso.

Cas holds it at an angle to hide it from Dean. "You can see it when it's done. Don't wiggle around." He aims for a serious tone, but it gets destroyed by the bright and amused smile on his face.

Dean can't help himself, he starts wiggling around on the couch, shaking his arms and hips.

Cas's reaction is funny. His voice is cute and irritated, as he gives him a stern look. “Dean, if you wiggle around you will look like a cubist painting and believe me, that won’t look as flattering as I’m intending it to be.”

"No idea what that means," he says, flipping around to point his ass at Cas. 

It has been a long time since Dean has felt this playful.

Cas scoffs playfully before he puts down his paper and walks over to him, playfully slapping Dean’s ass. “Lie down again, you silly frog.”

Dean ribbits and turns back around, gently grasping Cas by the wrist to pull him down onto the couch. "Hi, Cas."

“It was a trap, wasn’t it?” Cas asks with a soft laugh, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to Dean’s lips.

Dean nods into the kiss, carding his hand through Cas’s hair. “The couch has us both. We’re doomed.”

Cas hums against Dean’s lips. “So the evil distraction villain is the couch, mh? I could have sworn it was you who lured me over. Are you sure you’re the victim here, Dean?” he asks as he leans into Dean’s hand like a cat.

“Oh, definitely,” he hums as he licks the seam of Cas’s lips.

"I don't know," Cas replies with a gasp before he draws Dean into a deep kiss. He softly rocks his hips against Dean, and he can feel his erection against his thigh. "You don't sound very innocent."

Dean groans in appreciation. “All part of my evil plan.”

"Should I be afraid?" Cas asks, laughing as his fingers explore Dean's chest and nipples.

Dean gently grasps Cas’s hand and stares into those unending blue depths. “No. Never again, Cas.”

He swallows visibly, staring at Dean as his breathing hitches. "Dean," he whispers before he leans back and sits up in his lap, slowly removing his own shirt. His eyes never leave Dean's as he throws it to the side, his hand going to his jeans, opening the button and the zipper. "I need you, Dean," he breathes out as he shuffles on top of him to get rid of the rest of his clothing.

Dean loves this part of the start of something new. The sort of borderline addiction to each other. He reaches over the couch, pretty sure there’s a bottle of lube on the floor nearby. “Take what you need, anytime,” Dean says as he blindly reaches for the bottle.

Cas leans over and their hands meet when they both grab the bottle at the same time. There is a soft smile on Cas's lips as he pulls it up, opening the cap and pouring some on his fingers. 

He gives Dean a lustful and sexy look before his hand vanishes between his legs and he preps himself, right on display for Dean. 

Dean can’t contain the groan as his head drops against the couch. “How are you this sexy?”

Cas raises one eyebrow, and for some reason he looks very dominant that way. "You're one to talk," he replies with a grin before he looks around. "Um, fuck, Dean we also need a condom."

With a groan of frustration, he pushes himself up. “There might be one in the kitchen.” In the drawer, with all the unused ketchup packets.

"Oh, I really hope so. Fuck, Dean. We really need to do that test soon." He sounds a bit frustrated before he gives him a pained look. "I'll get ready for you in the meantime. So when you're back with the rubber, I seriously need you to fuck my brains out."

Dean nods and makes his way to the kitchen, trying to keep his dick from hitting against the drawer. He frantically pushes aside the packets before he finally finds the condom. He rips it open with his teeth and pulls it on as he walks back into the living room, letting out a moan at the friction on his dick as he watches Cas fuck himself on his fingers.

He is bending over the couch, his ass on display as he looks over his shoulder with a moan, cheeks tinted in a soft red hue. "Do you like the show?" he asks, gasping after every word.

“You could seriously do porn,” Dean says as he nods to the bottle. “Tell me you’re ready.”

"I am so ready for you," Cas groans as he removes his fingers, leaving his hole gaping for Dean. "Please."

Dean grabs the bottle and pours the lube into his palm, a quick slick twist and he positions himself, the head of his cock easily getting sucked into Cas’s hole. “Fuck…”

Cas gasps out and starts to rock backwards against Dean, making him slide in even deeper before he starts to fuck himself on Dean's cock with vigor. "Fuck, yes, Dean. Fuck, you feel so perfect."

Dean’s hands rest at Cas’s hips, a gentle caress as opposed to holding on. He’s enjoying watching Cas fuck himself on his cock. “Cas, fuck… Wanna watch you ride me.”

Cas gives him a look over his shoulder, parted lips and glazed-over eyes. "Pull out and sit down on the couch."

Without missing a beat, Dean regretfully pulls out and drops himself onto the couch. He holds his cock out, shaking it at Cas. “Ready…”

Cas gives him an amused look before crawling into Dean's lap and softly sinking down on him. His lustful expression is disturbed by a pained wince that just lasts a second, before Cas moans and slowly starts to fuck himself on Dean's cock.

Dean gasps and halts his hips. “If it’s hurting you…”

"What?" Cas gives him a confused look before he shakes his head. "Oh, no, don't worry. It's just..." He looks down at his bruises. "I made a weird move and those... um, ... sometimes it hurts."

Dean represses the urge to growl. That fucking prick. “Well, still, if it hurts you in any way...”

"It does sometimes, but you know what I really don't want? To let that ... asshole..." Cas gasps suddenly, and Dean can see how hard that was for him to bring past his lips. "ruin having sex with you..."

Dean draws him in for a kiss. “Then go slow,” he murmurs against his lips.

Cas hums before drawing him into a gentle kiss. His arms snake around Dean's neck to hold on as he slowly moves his body against him. It's intense. It feels like nothing Dean has ever felt before. They move together like waves curling against a beach, an ebb and flow, pulling and pushing in harmony. Cas presses his forehead against Dean's, breathing shallow, with soft hitches and gasps, hot lips ghosting over Dean's. "Fuck," he whispers, "How is this so perfect?"

“I think it’s you,” Dean gasps out as he loses himself to the rhythm as Cas undulates against and on him. “Oh, god…”

"Weird, I thought it was you," Cas replies softly. Dean can feel the curve of his smile against his lips before he kisses him hungrily. When he leans back for the air they both need, he braces his hand on the edge of the couch, arching back in lust as he quickens his pace and rides Dean in earnest, Dean's cock pushing deeply in and out of his tight hole. "Fuck," Cas cries out, closing his eyes. His erection slaps against his stomach as he picks up the pace.

Dean wraps his fingers around Cas’s erection and starts to pump in time with the way Cas is riding him. “Wanna see you come again,” Dean says through a groan.

"I'm so close," Cas gasps out, his eyes never leaving Dean's. His fingers sensually stroke over his own body, his nipples, softly pinching them before he cries out, "Fuck, Dean, yes... fu-u-uck." His movement falters and he comes all over Dean's hand, hot and white sticky semen painting them.

The way Cas clenches around Dean wrenches a gasp as well as an orgasm from him. Dean slams up as he fills the condom, deep inside of Cas. “Oh, fuck…” Dean lets out a dazed chuckle of blissed out pleasure.

"Fuck," Cas breathes heavily over Dean before he falls against him, cuddling against his shoulder. "I seriously had no idea sex could be this amazing."

“Me either.” Dean shakes his head in amazement as he draws Cas into another kiss. 

Cas hums into it, sounding tired and relaxed. "It's so weird to hear you say that. I would have thought... I mean, you're amazing. I really can't believe you're single, and that you haven't had a better partner before."

Dean shrugs. He knows he’s not the easiest person to live with. “I’m definitely not perfect, Cas.” 

"You feel pretty perfect to me," Cas replies softly before kissing lazily along Dean's shoulder.

Dean chuckles and presses a kiss to the crown of Cas’s head. “Other than that, how are you feeling?” He isn’t stupid, Dean knows there’s likely a meltdown coming. A panic. 

"Like the calm before the storm," Cas admits after a moment. "I try to not think about the consequences of my actions, but... I'm so afraid, Dean. As if any second this could all end and I'll be back in Hell."

“Yeah, that’s normal. And like I said, there’s things we’ll need to do, but we can just… take it one day at a time.” Not that there’s really any other way to take it. Dean flashes him a smile. “Taking this step at all is huge, Cas.”

Cas takes in a deep breath. "I have to be honest... if we hadn't kissed last night... if our relationship hadn't changed, I probably wouldn't have taken this step. Now I have something to fight for that I don't want to lose."

Dean cups his cheek, dragging the pad of his thumb along Cas’s bottom lip. “Whatever it takes.”

Cas's breathing hitches before he complains softly. "You know this is my weakness, when you do that right? My lips are super sensitive."

“My weakness too,” Dean murmurs.

"Oh, yeah? How so?" Cas asks, licking over his own lips, drawing Dean's attention to them.

“Hmmm, that’s not fair,” Dean growls before he presses another kiss to those lips.

Cas instantly melts against him with a soft groan. "Fuck, how are you making me horny again so quickly?" It sounds like a complaint, but at the same time it really doesn't.

“How about we make lunch? Build up our energy?” Dean’s stomach chooses that moment to growl. He can’t help but chuckle.

"Or, you could make us lunch, I finish the drawing, we eat and then I'll do the dishes?" He leans forward to Dean's ear. "And I could do it naked, so you'll get a show."

Dean nods. “How could I say no to that?”

Cas gives him a bright smile before dragging himself off Dean's lap with a growl. "Fuck, I'm getting old and I just want to curl into you and sleep."

Dean chuckles and presses a wet kiss to his cheek. "We can definitely nap later."

A grown ass man shouldn’t be allowed to make a noise that cute, as Cas yawns and it sounds like a mix of a kitten and a bear. “Alright. That’s a nice prospect.” He smiles at Dean, looking very relaxed. “I like sleeping in your arms.”

"I like feeling you in my arms," Dean affirms as he starts massaging the tips of his fingers against Cas's scalp.

Cas starts to purr and stretch his body on the couch. “Uhhh, Dean, you’re too good to me.”

"No such thing," Dean murmurs as he shifts to press a kiss to Cas's forehead before he stands up and grabs a blanket, draping it over Cas. "How's a BLT sound?"

“A what?” Cas asks, bracing himself on his forearms. “And don’t bury me under a blanket! If you make it too cozy I can’t get up and finish my drawing.”

"Well, I'm making lunch first so you're missing a model," Dean teases and looks at him with a bemused smile. "You've seriously never had a BLT?"

“No.” He shakes his head as he stands up, walking over to his sketchbook. “I told you I only had weird fancy food in the last few years, and I also come from a rich ‘family’. So it basically was upper class food, then no food, to sophisticated food.” He grabs his sketchbook and pencil, following Dean into the kitchen before sitting down at the barstool. “I think I can finish this, even though you keep running around.”

"Okay," Dean says as he starts grabbing the ingredients out of the fridge. "How do you like your bacon? I like mine crispy."

"Sure," Cas replies with a chuckle, his attention clearly focused on his drawing again. 

Instead of putting on clothes, Dean grabs the joke apron that his brother got him, that says “Kiss the Cock” with a picture of a rooster, and ties it around himself before he drops the bacon slices in the pan. "So, when did you start drawing?"

"In school. It was just a hobby after I couldn't play basketball anymore. But I found out that I really enjoy it." When Dean looks over his shoulder he can see the concentrated look on Cas's face, the way he licks over his lips. If the bacon didn't need his attention, he would have been happy to just watch Cas draw. "I really like your outfit," Cas says without looking up from the sketch book.

Dean turns his bare ass to Cas then. "You do, huh?"

That makes Cas look up. He grins as he watches Dean without any shame. “You know on the couch you were also wiggling. You could do that now, too. You know. If that is fun for you.”

Dean chuckles and starts shaking his ass as he flips the bacon.

He hears quiet laughter before he can hear Cas approaching him. A moment later he feels Cas's strong hands on his ass. "So I solved the mystery. It was not the couch that is the trap. It's you. You're luring me in."

“Hmmm, you figured me out,” Dean murmurs as he turns around, wrapping his arm around Cas’s shoulders. “And don’t grab my ass if you don’t plan on giving as good as you get,” he says with an eyebrow waggle. He really hopes Cas likes topping too.

Cas gives him a wide eyed look. "Are you saying... that you want me to top?"

“Only if you’re into that too,” Dean says, flashing him a smile. “No pressure.”

"I actually don't know if I'm into that." He looks embarrassed, rubbing his hand over his neck. "I have never done that before."

Dean shrugs as he turns back to the bacon. “Well, if that ever interests you, know I’m versatile.” 

"That's... um... good to know." When Dean gives him a quick look over his shoulder he can see the awed expression. There is a soft smile then before he adds, "I think I am... interested in trying that with you."

Dean smirks. “And now you know how to get me prepped.”

"Yes." Cas presses a kiss to Dean's shoulder before he wanders back to the table. "I just hope I won't accidentally hurt you. You may need to teach me the first time."

“I’m good with that,” Dean says as he drains the bacon and starts cutting the tomato. 

"Cool, then... maybe tonight?" Cas asks from the table, his voice sounding a little insecure. 

Dean spreads his cheeks, showing off his hole. “I’m down.”

There is a soft gasp from behind him. "Fuck, Dean. You're really sexy."

Dean flashes Cas a smile over his shoulder before he washes his hands and returns to assembling their sandwiches. “You must be lookin’ in a mirror.”

"Pff," Cas replies and he hears him chuckle. "No accounting for taste."

“Well, I like my taste.” Dean plates the sandwiches and moves to sit at the table. “Lunch is served.”

Cas turns his sketchpad around so Dean can't take a peek, and gives him a smile. "Thank you. That looks really delicious." He leans over to Dean to press a kiss to the tip of his nose before he carefully grabs the sandwich and takes a bite. The porn noises he makes when he chews are extremely distracting. "Fuck, Dean. I swear you're a magician with food."

“I know how to make like six things. You’ll get sick of it real quick,” Dean says around a mouthful of sandwich.

"Oh, maybe I could learn to cook. I always wanted to try," Cas suddenly says before he freezes. "Fuck," he breathes out, his eyes wide in shock. "I... I can do whatever I want..."

Dean smiles. “Well, within reason. If you assemble a heist crew to rob banks, we may need to talk.”

A single tear runs over Cas's cheeks as he scoffs out a laugh and shakes his head. "Don't worry about that," he breathes out, not looking at Dean, and he can see that he's fighting to get his emotions under control.

Dean reaches out to hold Cas’s hand. “If you need to cry, you can. It’s… a lot.”

"I hate crying," Cas confesses after a moment before he rubs over his eyes. "Fuck. I feel so... weak... you know?"

“Kinda the opposite though, Cas.” Dean squeezes his hand. “Taking this step takes strength.”

Cas gives him a weak smile. "It would be nice if I could feel that. I don't feel particularly brave right now. More like I'm in hiding."

“You’re allowed, Cas.” Dean pulls Cas’s hand to his own lips and kisses Cas’s knuckles. “This is just the beginning. But I’m here to help however I can. You don’t have to do it alone.”

Cas looks at him as if Dean has invented the universe, before he squeezes Dean's and lets go of it. He grabs his sketchbook and turns it around.

Dean wasn't sure what he had expected, but Cas hasn't drawn his naked body. He has drawn his face and it looks incredibly realistic. He's smiling in the picture, his eyes practically beaming, and he isn't sure how Cas has managed to convey that in his drawing. "That's how I see you. You're like a sunrise. Warm and making me hopeful for a new beginning," he whispers.

Dean is stunned momentarily before he moves to stand, closing the gap between them as he draws Cas in for a soft, tender kiss. “You missed a freckle,” he teases, because he doesn’t know how to process the emotions he’s feeling at the thought of anyone seeing himself like that.

"I probably missed a lot," Cas chuckles against his lips. When he pulls back he looks up at him. "I'm really happy I met you."

“Ditto,” Dean says, flashing him a smile. And he means it. Despite the unprofessional and inappropriate direction their relationship went, Dean knows he really has never felt this kind of connection with anyone. And it isn’t about some bullshit prince charming, knight in shining armor fetish, but… a genuine concern and affection for this man. 

Cas gives him another long look before he smiles at him and resumes to inhale the rest of his sandwich. "Thank you, Dean," he murmurs when he is done. 

He presses another kiss to Dean's lips before he gathers their empty plates and goes over to the sink, starting to wash up.

Dean's eyes wander back to the sketchbook. It really is a breathtaking sketch. And he can't imagine the supplies they picked up were the best quality. As Cas finishes up in the kitchen, he pulls out his phone and out of sheer curiosity, types Cas's name into the search bar.

He immediately is bombarded with different kinds of modern art pictures and a link to a vernissage. All the other ones under that link are links to articles from popular magazines and newspapers that have written about Cas's art. When he looks at the price for one of his paintings Dean freezes. What the fuck...

"Uh… Cas?" Dean says, unsure how the hell he's supposed to process this.

"Yes?" he asks over his shoulder as he starts to dry the plates with a towel.

“Uh… are you famous?”

Cas laughs at that. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

Dean waves for him to come over. “The, uh… the internet seems to think otherwise.”

Cas frowns before he drapes the towel over his shoulder and walks over, looking over Dean's shoulder. "What am I looking at? Oh, there are pictures of my art. Yeah, um, Dick managed all that. Advertising for every vernissage. He never showed me what he did exactly."

“Do you know how much one of your pieces sold for?”

Cas shrugs before he looks away. "Not enough according to Dick. He told me it was just enough to pay for my colors and canvases. I guess I'm not that good."

“Shit, how expensive is art usually if two million is not enough?” Dean shakes his head in amazement. Rich people are the fucking worst.

Cas just looks at him for a long moment. "What?"

Dean shows him his phone, one of the abstract paintings that sold for a cool 2.1 million.

“Um, this must be a mistake, Dean.” Cas frowns at him. “This is from my last show. Dick said it failed and he threw me out for the night because of it.”

“Either he lied to you, or your paintings usually get way more than that…” Dean shakes his head in amazement. Either way, it’s fucked.

"But two million?" Cas still looks like it can't be real. "Are you sure this isn't a mistake? Are the prices of the other ones up there?"

Dean clicks on a link of archived paintings and their selling prices. They’re listed from highest to lowest and the top painting has a price of 10 million. “Shit, Cas.”

Cas holds his hand in front of his mouth as he stares at the prices. After a while he shakes his head and starts pacing with a frown, Dean can hear his breathing turn agitated. 

“What can I do for you?” Dean asks.

"Dean." Cas shakes his head and Dean can see that he is crying again. "Fuck, I don't know. I can't... Fuck!" Cas shouts the last part, and he keeps on pacing and shaking his head.

Dean gets up and approaches Cas, gently pulling him in for a hug. "I'm so fucking sorry."

Cas pulls him tight, burying his face into Dean's shoulder. "I am so fucking angry, Dean," he presses out.

"You should be." Dean starts rubbing circles on his back.

"Fuck, I had no idea," Cas starts to cry again, and the only thing Dean can understand through his sobs are, "I'm so fucking dumb."

Dean draws back to cup his face, gently caressing Cas's cheek to wipe away the tears. "You're not dumb. You were scared and manipulated. Huge difference."

"He... he really used me," Cas finally says, and Dean knows how that is a huge step in the right direction. To see and realize exactly that. "He used me... Dean."

Dean nods, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm so sorry."

"Fuck..." Cas bends over, bracing his palms against his knee caps as he tries to control his breathing. "Call your friend, please. The one you always wanted me to talk to."

Dean nods and pulls up Charlie's name in his phone. He rubs circles on Cas's back as he calls her number.

"Charlie? I need a favor."

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

There is a rage inside of him of a quality he has never felt before. It feels all consuming, coursing through his body as if it is telling him to find Dick and… and what?

That is when the fear kicks in again. A fear that intensifies the anger this time. Why is he afraid of Dick? He is just a man.

A man he had felt indebted to, but now… Dick has taken so much money off of him, even making him feel bad for not earning more. He really doesn’t need to feel guilty anymore.

Dean gave him a bit of space to calm down, and Cas is thankful for that. He always reacts the right way, says the right things… exactly what Cas needs. He knows that he is falling for Dean. Hard and fast. He really hopes that it’s the same for Dean.

When the doorbell rings he leaves the bedroom to join Dean, who opens the door for a young woman with bright red hair. She looks very friendly and Cas feels that he instantly likes her. 

Dean introduces them before they go and sit down in the living room. “I’m grateful you could find time for me so quickly. Dean has recommended your help a few times to me now, and… I’m ready to get my life back in my own hands.”

Charlie smiles and it practically lights up the room. "That's awesome! Okay, what are we talking about here? What are we dealing with?"

Cas sighs and rubs his palm over his face. “I was in a relationship for three years with a man called Dick Roman. He rescued me from the street. I had a drug problem and was homeless. I earned my money from sex.” He feels very embarrassed telling Charlie those things, but he tries to remember that she is a professional. “It started slowly. He took my freedom, telling me it was better that way because I obviously couldn’t handle it. I wasn’t allowed to talk to people, have friends, go out. He noticed that I like to draw so he provided me with art supplies. And then he managed me when he noticed my art was… sellable.” He swallowed hard before he looked up. “He hit me… A lot… and he used me. I just found out that he sold my art for millions of dollars and he kept it all, never telling me how much it is worth.”

Charlie stops writing as she listens to every word Cas says. "Millions?"

“Yeah, Dean… can you show her on your phone?” Cas asks, nodding at him.

Dean pulls up his phone and Charlie's eyebrows shoot up. "You're Cas Novak?"

“Um, yes?” Cas replies with a frown. “Why?”

Charlie hums contemplatively. "We're gonna need to get you a lawyer."

“Do you think there is a chance I will get the money he kept from selling my art?” Cas asks, his heart beating quickly. He is afraid of the answer.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. Being a high profile name can be both a good and bad thing." Charlie looks down at her notepad. "But you're going to need to press charges and file for a restraining order against him."

“I will.” Cas looks down again. “He made a lot of death threats against me, and people who might help me. I know him; it isn't just talk.”

Charlie nods. "Okay. Did… did he make you sign anything at any point?"

“No he didn’t,” Cas replies after thinking about her question. Nothing had come to mind. “He did his utmost to keep me away from everything in the outside world. I didn’t even have a phone.”

"That's good! That means you didn't sign your creative rights or decisions away to him."

"So, Cas can get his money back?" Dean asks as he brings them all a coffee.

Charlie shrugs. "I'm not sure. That's why we should bring a lawyer in. I know someone who does this kind of work pro-bono."

“If I get my money back it wouldn’t need to be pro bono,” Cas murmurs before he leans back. “I have no idea what to expect… honestly. When I press charges… what will happen?”

"Well, the police will take a statement, take pictures of any visible injuries, and will serve Dick with the restraining order. Now because he has money, I don't see him spending much, if any, time in jail. If he's as dangerous as you say, I can also set you up in a safe house."

Dean interjects then. "Is my place not safe enough?"

“I really don’t want to leave Dean,” Cas replies, giving Charlie a long look. “I need him.”

"Alright," Charlie says as she looks between them both, "but you can't tell anyone where you're staying. And we can set up your mail to come to my office. If he's that dangerous, you don't want him to be able to locate you through any channels."

“Yes, I think that is a good idea. I really trust you on this. I mean, you’re the expert. So… what should I do first?” Cas asks as he exchanges a quick smile with Dean.

"We should go file a police report. The longer we wait, the more any injuries can heal."

“Well, I still have my body littered with them, so that shouldn’t be a problem,” he replies dryly, reaching over to take Dean’s hand in his. He can do this. He knows Dean will be there with him. He gives him a soft smile. “Should we go now?”

Dean flashes him a reassuring smile. "Yes. And I'll be right here, the whole time," he says as he squeezes Cas's hand.

“I know,” he murmurs before he leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek. He has totally forgotten that Charlie is with them.

That is until she practically squeals at that. 

Dean clasps one ear with his free hand. "Christ, Charlie!"

"Sorry, you're just… super cute together!"

“You startled me,” Cas laughs, but his heart is beating a million miles per minute. He shares a quick look with Dean before he says, “it’s pretty new.”

Dean presses a kiss to his cheek. "Real new." He leans in to whisper, "And real good."

Cas blushes softly before he looks at Charlie. “I doubt I would have come this far without Dean’s help and support.”

Charlie flashes them both a smile. "I'm glad you have each other. A support system can make all the difference."

There is something on Cas’s mind that has been bothering him for a while now. “Dean won’t get in any trouble, right? Because he is with me… and he was… is? My caseworker?” Cas gives Dean a questioning look before his gaze drifts back to Charlie.

At that, Charlie's smile is gone. "Dean?"

"I know how it looks, Charlie."

Charlie folds her arms over her chest. "It looks like you're taking advantage. Has he?" She directs that question to Cas. "Has Dean coerced you in any way?"

“No!” Cas immediately shouts before he gives her an apologetic look. “Absolutely not, I assure you. But I’m… I’m afraid he could get into trouble because it might look like that.”

Charlie sighs and looks at Dean. "You need to immediately recuse yourself from his case."

Dean nods. "I already did."

At that, Charlie hums and says, "Okay. You may still get in trouble."

"I'm prepared for that."

Hearing that makes Cas feel a little bit sick. He gives Dean a worried look. “What kind of trouble could you get into? I really don’t want my personal problems to affect your life in any negative way.”

Dean cups his cheek. "The worst that could happen is I get fired. And if that happens that isn't your fault in any way. Okay?"

Cas bites down on his lip, giving Dean a pained look. "It feels like it would be though." He looks back at Charlie. "Isn't there any way we can keep Dean out of this?"

"The shelter has documents with your statements about your living situation and the referrals." Dean says, giving him a small smile. "We're gonna want that info for your case, to establish a history, especially since you have no medical history recording his abuse." Dean takes Cas's hands in his. "I've already notified my HR about our relationship."

“When did you do that?” Cas asks in surprise. “And how did they react?”

"I shot them an email this morning. I haven't heard back yet."

To say that Cas is worried is the understatement of the century. He hates to think that Dean could lose his job because of him, maybe regret saving him or resent him in the long run. He feels sick all of a sudden, rubbing his hand over his face as he tries to breathe slowly.

Suddenly he is enveloped in Dean’s strong arms. “Hey. None of this is your doing,” he murmurs into the crown of Cas’s head. “And honestly,” he says as he draws back to cup his face, “If dating you means losing my job, no fucking contest.”

Cas nuzzles his face into Dean's hand as he gives him a long, searching look. He wants to believe Dean. Those words are full of honey and promises. Years of abuse has made him paranoid, he knows it, but he wants to trust Dean. A part of him does; the other one hates himself for being naive again. Cas gives him a soft smile. "At least when I'm successful in my case against Dick, we won't have any money problems."

Dean barks out a laugh. “Even if we do, we’ll figure things out.”

"Promise me?" Cas asks, because he needs to hear it.

“I promise, even if we both end up residents at the shelter,” Dean says, and his expression is serious. He cups his cheek. “And I know you’re going to have some trouble trusting that, and you’ll need reassurance. Just know I’m always happy to remind you.”

It is almost eerie how well Dean already knows him, as if he is reading his mind. But then again, it is probably a skill most social workers have because what Cas went through is hardly uncommon. "You're perfect, you know that?" He leans over and presses a kiss to Dean's cheek. "But seriously, even if I don't get my money from Dick, I'll just paint something new. And should you lose your job we'll build a new shelter from that money and it will be yours."

Dean chuckles and draws him in for a kiss. “I’ll pay you back in kisses.”

Cas smiles brightly at him. "I'll take that."

…. :::: :::: ….

The days seem to fly by, yet move at a glacial pace as everything is up in the air. Dean is suspended without pay for a week. It seems like that will be the extent of his corrective action, but he’s not naive enough to believe there isn’t a potential for termination. He had meant it when he told Cas it was no contest.

As brief as their affair has been, Dean finds himself more and more mesmerized by Cas. His quiet strength, his sheer hopefulness, despite everything the world has thrown at him for decades. And yet, Dean gets rewarded with the most beatific smile every morning, and he cannot and will not try to imagine not having that feeling on a daily basis.

Charlie has hooked them up with an attorney known as, “the Trickster.” One of those show lawyers who only take high profile cases, and apparently he’s willing to work this pro-bono for Cas.

Dean knows when to not look a gift horse in the mouth. With the money in Dean’s savings, they paid the fee for the police delivery of the restraining order, and now they play the waiting game. 

With everything dangling over them like a stormy friggin’ rain cloud, and a suspension from work for not recusing himself before the change in their relationship, Dean decides they need an escape. He packs up a couple of meals and road snacks in his roller cooler, grabs a couple of blankets, sweaters, and somehow manages to convince Cas into an impromptu five-hour road trip.

He hopes the surprise is worth it.

Dean taps the box under the seat. “If you want to change the music…”

Another indication that this, whatever this is between them, is something to cling onto if he’s willing to let shotgun pick.

"Why would I? I really like the music you picked," Cas replies as he stretches his arms over his head as far as the car ceiling allows it. His shirt rides up and gives Dean a quick peek at his sharp hip bones. Hip bones that are so sexy they could change someone's sexuality. Cas catches him looking, giving him a shy smile. "So where are we going?"

“I’d like it to be a surprise, but if it’ll make you anxious, I’ll tell you.” Dean flashes him a smile. “And it’s okay if it does.”

Cas rubs the back of his neck. “To be honest… Yes. It makes me nervous. I've been feeling sick the whole drive so far.”

Dean nods. He had a feeling, considering the sheer level of abuse he survived. “We’re going to Giant City State Park. It’s a large nature preserve.”

"Oh." Cas raises his eyebrows before he gives him a shy smile. "Romantic walk in the sun?"

“Figured we should get away from the city for a while. And why not make a date out of it?”

“You’re spoiling me,” Cas replies with a soft chuckle before he looks out of the window.

Dean reaches out and grabs Cas’s hand, just to hold it. “It’s because I like your smile.”

Cas rewards him with one of his smiles that could make the sun envious. “You mean, you like when I grin like an idiot?”

"Caught me," he says with a wink.

He laughs at that, shaking his head. “You’re easy to catch.”

"Not sure how I should take that…"

“Yeah, well, if you make things so obvious for me, you don’t need to act surprised if I catch you.” Cas leans over and puts his arm around his shoulder, lightly scratching Dean’s neck. “And I won’t let you go again,” he murmurs after a moment.

Dean can't help but smile at that. He's glad the connection between them, the intensity of it, is mutual. He enjoys the pleasant scratching sensation for a moment before he says, "Good to know."

Cas gives him a shy smile, his fingers running gently through Dean’s hair. “I… I really like you, Dean.”

Dean flashes him a sidelong glance, resisting the urge to stare at the beautiful man sitting beside him instead of the road. “I really like you too, Cas.”

When he chances another look at Cas, he looks incredibly happy, before his expression turns shy and he looks away and out of his window. His hand reaches over to Dean's, as he intertwines their fingers on Dean's leg, holding it. "I'm glad," he whispers.

“What would you like to see for yourself, in the future?” Dean asks, squeezing his hand before drawing their joined hands to his lips, pressing a kiss to Cas’s knuckles.

Cas shrugs after a while. “I… I want to live without fear,” he whispers.

Dean pulls over so he can safely pull Cas into his arms. He presses a kiss to the crown of his head. "I promise, as long as I'm around you won't."

Cas wraps his arms around him and presses himself closer. Dean can hear him taking a deep breath. “I know. Being with you… for the first time I feel hopeful. Safe.”

"Good," he says as he just holds Cas. He draws back, gently cupping his cheek before drawing him in for a kiss. 

Cas gasps into the kiss, practically melting against Dean. He hums, a kiss turning into several kisses before he says, “I will never get enough of this.”

"Glad I'm not alone in that," Dean breathes out. He waves for Cas to draw close and kiss him again.

"You're really not," Cas replies with a chuckle, as he basically crawls into his lap for another kiss.

Dean hums as his hands rest at Cas's waist, itching to go lower. "I think you might be a siren."

Cas leans back and gives him a grin. "I am a siren? What are you then?"

"The luckiest bastard alive."

"You're shamelessly exaggerating, but I'll take it," Cas replies breathlessly before drawing him into a heated kiss again.

Dean's hands round over the globes of Cas's perfect ass as Dean hums into the kiss, just getting a little lost in the pleasant friction.

Cas groans, whispering against Dean's lips, "You make me crazy when you touch me like this."

“That’s the goal, love the way you lose yourself,” Dean murmurs.

“Do you want me now?” Cas asks, softly riding his hip against the bulge of Dean’s jeans. 

Dean’s head lolls back for a moment as his eyes screw shut. “Fuck, yes.”

Cas’s hands stroke downwards on Dean’s chest, before he slides back in his lap and quickly opens Dean’s jeans before opening his own.

"Fuck, Cas, can you reach the lube?" Dean gasps out.

Cas leans back and gives Dean a surprised look. “You have lube in your car?”

"I packed it with the small duffel next to the cooler," he says as he nods to the back seat.

Cas chuckles at that before he climbs off of Dean to bend over the backrest. “Were you hoping we would have sex outside?”

"Maybe," Dean says as he pushes Cas's pants down past his ass.

Cas looks over his shoulder with a playful smile, wiggling his ass before he searches for the lube again. Dean can feel him freeze suddenly, “Dean… um, you packed art supplies?”

Dean cranes his neck to look over his shoulder. "Yeah, you said you liked drawing landscapes, so I figured it couldn't hurt, in case you felt inspired…"

Cas breathes out audibly, shaking his head and mumbling something Dean doesn't understand. When he looks over his shoulder again he hands Dean the lube with eyes that look completely enamored. “Dean, please fuck me now.”

"You okay?" Dean asks as he pours some of the lube on his fingers.

Cas huffs out a laugh. “I’m more than okay, Dean… I just thought… Can you be any more perfect?”

Dean chuckles. "I'm far from perfect," he says as he nods for Cas to lay down against the seat. He shifts between his legs and starts stretching Cas, but his finger easily slips inside. Dean quirks his brow with a knowing smile. "You prepped yourself, didn't you?"

Cas raises an eyebrow in amusement. “Maybe you weren’t the only one hoping for some horizontal action.” He invitingly spreads his legs further apart, giving him an enticing look as he licks over his own lips. 

Dean slicks up his cock and lines himself up. "You really are a siren…"

"I can't hold a tune, so I'm pretty sure that's not it," Cas replies with a soft hiss as Dean breaches him. "Fuck, I love feeling you."

The tightness, the heat, is dizzying. Dean groans as he pushes in deeper and deeper. "Me too…" he growls as he captures Cas's lips as he bottoms out.

Cas kisses him back, needy and deep. “Dean, fuck, you’re so big.”

Dean stops moving. “I’m not hurting you, am I?”

"No, Dean. I'm good." Cas smiles at him, a smile that reaches his eyes and makes them even more radiant. "I'm more than good. I love how much your big cock stretches me."

“Fuck,” Dean moans as he starts moving his hips again, soaking in the sheer pleasure. He has slept with his fair share of people, and Cas is, hands down, the best he’s ever had.

Cas wraps his arms around him, holding on to him, as he presses a kiss against Dean’s shoulder. His words are hot against his ear. “I love feeling you like this. You’re so deep inside of me.”

The dirty talk makes his cock throb, and he pulls Cas’s hips up and starts fucking into Cas at a delicious angle. He captures Cas’s lips in an almost frantic kiss as his pace picks up.

He swallows Cas's moans, licking deep into his mouth as he gasps under him, his hole clenching hard around Dean's cock as Cas comes untouched.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Dean gasps, not taking many more thrusts before he fills Cas, collapsing into his lover with an almost gasp. 

Cas kisses along Dean's throat, lazy and warm kisses before his head falls back and he looks up at Dean with a very satisfied look. "Fuck... Dean. I'm falling so hard for you."

And Dean feels this beautiful clench in his heart, because… fuck… he feels exactly the same way. Dean draws back to look at Cas, cupping his cheek. “I think I am too.”

"Yeah?" Cas asks, his voice quiet but hopeful. 

Dean flashes him a small smile. “I know it’s fast, but… I’ve never felt this kind of connection before.”

"I feel exactly the same. Being with you... it is like nothing I have ever experienced before." Cas cards his fingers through Dean's hair. "Like I'm finally where I belong."

Dean presses a kiss to his lips. “I’m so proud of you.”

“For what?” Cas asks, giving him a confused look.

“For trying. For acknowledging that you deserve better.” Dean cards his hand through his hair. “You took a really scary step.”

“You make all those steps less scary.”

And Dean is glad to be able to be that for Cas. It is true; he knows he’s falling in love with Cas, and he will do anything to make this work. “I’ll be your flashlight whenever you need it.”

…. :::: :::: ….

Dean is back at work, leaving Cas a lot of free time to miss him and think about his situation. In between massive panic attacks he tries to make himself useful. He starts painting again, although it isn’t easy with the upcoming legal stuff that has him worried. He channels his anxiety in his work, but after a few hours he stops because everything is getting too much.

He needs some air. So he opens the fridge, taking stock of everything that is missing, and decides to go shopping for groceries with the money Dean has given him. 

He hasn’t done this in years and having this freedom to just go out… on one hand it is daunting, but on the other it's like a breath of fresh air. 

It is really nice, feeling free to do what he wants. His only prison is in his mind; the bars being his fear that have been built up over the years in a – what he thought – indestructible manner. But the bars are corroding, and Cas can feel that he is breathing more freely, feeling lighter every day he spends with Dean.

He checks the new cell phone Dean has gotten him, before he packs it into the inner pocket of his jacket. The pocket has a zipper, and Cas feels that this is the best place to put it because he is afraid of losing it. It’s precious to him because it is the first gift he got from Dean. Dean had sent him a moving picture of a stumbling baby giraffe, writing that Hannah was high again. Cas sighs and smiles. He is still not good at using it to text anything back, but he is sure at some point he will learn. He sends a heart emoji instead of replying.

There is soft music playing in the supermarket when he arrives, and he enjoys walking through the vegetable and fruit aisle, grabbing something fresh that he wants to make for dinner for them. He feels at peace, his mind already picturing the evening in front of him.

He wants to have sex with Dean again, feel him and kiss him. 

Cas pays for the food and starts to walk back home. The sun is really nice, a few doves cooing on the pavement around him. When they spread their wings, they fly away from him and Cas stops, watching them gliding through the wind. 

This is what he feels like with Dean. He tries to memorize the movements, watching them intently, because he wants to paint today.

When they are gone, he continues on his way home. A dark luxurious car slows down next to him. He reacts too late when the door suddenly opens and someone grabs his arm and pulls him in.

His groceries fall down onto the pavement, fruit and vegetables rolling over the concrete.

Cas wants to scream, but it gets muffled by a piece of cloth being pressed against his mouth as he is pulled deeper into the car.

He can hear the door being closed, the biting smell of the cloth making his eyes burn, his limbs weaken. The last thing he sees is Dick’s face hovering over him with a grin, before he loses consciousness.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

When Dean gets home, it's to an empty apartment. Not that that is strange; occasionally Cas goes for a walk, just because he can, but what is strange is the lack of response to his later texts.

Cas is still getting used to texting, but even if he doesn't reply with words he loves using emojis to convey his response, and there is nothing. 

Dean takes out his phone and texts, "I'm home, do you want me to cook dinner or should we get take out?"

Dean starts tidying up, and looking through the fridge to see what they have. It's a little bare bones, so Dean decides to walk to the nearby grocery store after shooting another text to Cas to let him know where he's gone.

The streets are chilly, but the drive isn't worth it. As he walks down the street, he sees a bag of groceries on the ground, fruits having been pecked… and a cold chill courses down his spine. He looks at his phone and there's been no response in over thirty minutes.

Dean immediately calls Charlie.

"Dean, hi. What's up?" Charlie greets him in a cheerful voice.

"Talk reason to me. Cas always replies to my texts within minutes and… it's been forty minutes since my last text."

"Did he have any appointments today? Do you know where he is?" Charlie asks, sounding as alarmed as Dean is feeling.

Shit. "No, and he always texts me when he does… I don't know, but I have a bad feeling. I know he gave you access to locating his cellphone as a last resort type of deal… I… is it time to use it?"

“Yes,” Charlie says without hesitation, and that scares Dean. Because the implication is really not something he wants to think about. “Dean, do that now. I’ll come over and if he is somewhere suspicious you call Donna immediately.”

Dean hangs up and runs back to his apartment. He doesn't even bother closing the door before he throws himself into the desk chair and pulls up the website that locates a person’s cell phone.

It takes way too long to load, but when it finally does, he sees the little mark on a map of coordinates. It's not in town, but the outskirts, not far from the docks. "Fuck," he breathes out and immediately calls Jody.

Instead of Jody, her wife Donna answers the phone. "Heya, Dean, Jody is super busy right now. Can she call you back?"

"Donna! I was actually trying to get a hold of you. My boyfriend isn't home, and his cellphone is like, out in the boonies, and his ex is a psycho, and…"

“Slow down, Dean. Slow down.” Donna says in a soothing voice. He knows she is trying to calm him down, but it’s not working. “Where are you now? I’ll come over.”

"My place, and Cas should be here!" Dean finds himself starting to really panic. He has fallen stupid in love with Cas, and if that prick of an ex even touches a hair on his head…

“I will be there in ten,” Donna says. “We will find him and get him back, Dean.” 

"Yeah, okay…" Dean hangs up and proceeds to plug the coordinates into his phone. Cas is a twenty-five minute drive away. And every minute that ticks by without Donna knocking on his door has Dean worrying even more.

"Fuck it," he murmurs to himself as he goes to the gun safe he keeps hidden in the closet and pulls out his Sig. He straps on a holster and readies himself for whatever is about to happen.

…. :::: :::: ….

Cas whimpers in pain and tries to bite his lower lip to stop making any sounds. He can’t feel his arms and hands anymore because of how long they have been hanging above his head, tied up to the ceiling. He knows he is bleeding. He can taste blood on his lips. 

Dick is pacing angrily in the warehouse, cursing him, taking his anger out on Cas, asking questions. Cas hasn’t said a word so far. He knows it doesn’t matter what he says. Dick just wants to hurt him.

He thinks of Dean, hating that he is probably worried by now. If his sense of time is not completely off, Dean must be home by now. Cas doesn’t know if he can escape this situation, and it hurts his heart more to think what this might do to Dean than being afraid for himself.

"Did you really think you could run away? You are mine!" Dick spits.

Cas looks away. He feels angry, but also afraid, and both of those feelings are having a war inside of him. "I'm not," he finally growls out when his anger wins the fight. "You treat me like shit. You lied to me and used me! I gave everything to you and you... I will never be yours again."

Dick storms up to him and slaps him hard across the face. "That pretty boy got in your head, didn't he? The one you've been cheating on me with."

It hurts, and Cas hates how much he is used to it by now. He throws an angry look at Dick. “I’ve never cheated on you, you asshole. I left you and now I’m with him. Yes.” Fuck… FUCK! How could he have been so stupid? He pales when he realizes that he just confessed that he is with Dean. Now Dean is in danger, too. 

Dick's lips curl in a cruel smile. "Dean Winchester, right?"

Shit. Cas squints his eyes at him. "Don't you dare lay a hand on him." He has never felt so much rage inside of himself. It evaporates the fear inside, and he only wishes he could free himself and punch Dick into oblivion.

Dick laughs, a malicious and chilling sound. "A hand? Oh, Castiel, cretins like him deserve so much more than a hand for touching my things. And make no mistake, by the time we're through, you'll never stray again." He starts unbuckling his belt.

Cas's body starts to tremble because he knows what is coming. It has happened so many times before. "I will kill you," he breathes out, but even to his own ears it sounds weak.

As Dick slides the belt between his palms, he cracks it like a whip and strikes Cas's lower back with it. "I'll give you one last chance to apologize, and beg me to take you back. I'll even leave your precious Dean alone."

Cas cries out in pain and a big part of him is tempted to do what Dick is demanding, but Cas knows it's a lie. And now that he knows what a real relationship feels like, now that he knows what real love feels like, he will never go back to this. "Fuck you," he curses instead. "I know that you're lying."

The cruel smile disappears from his face, expression now contorted in an ugly sneer. Instead of responding, he yanks Cas's pants and underwear down before he starts pulling open his own pants. "You're going to regret that."

"No! Fuck, no. Stop! Please, don't," Cas cries out as he struggles against the bindings. It's hopeless, Dick knows how to tie someone down. Cas knows that. His eyes burn from fear and anger as he screams for help, hoping that someone will hear him.

Just as he hears the sound of Dick's zipper opening, a loud banging comes across the sheet metal of the warehouse. A beat later, a blonde woman kicks open the door and when she sees what is happening, immediately pulls a gun on Dick. "Freeze!"

Dick holds up his hands. "This is private property and you're disturbing my private time with my boyfriend."

"Please help me!" Cas screams. "I'm not his boyfriend. He kidnapped me."

The woman scoffs and keeps her gun trained on Dick. "Backup will arrive shortly, seeing as this man's actual boyfriend reported him missing. Now put your hands behind your back and get down on the ground."

A beat later, Dean appears in the doorway, his eyes widened in shock as he sees Cas and immediately runs for him.

"Damnit, Dean, no!" the woman cries.

Suddenly Dick moves as he tackles Dean from the side, yelling, "He is mine!"

Cas screams again, helpless to do anything other than to watch.

Dean manages to shove Dick off before he rears back and punches him dead in the face. Dean proceeds to continue punching Dick until the woman pulls Dean off.

"Christ, I should've known better than to expect you to stay in the damn car " She says as she proceeds to handcuff Dick.

Dean waves her off and runs to Cas, cupping his face between his hands. "Fuck, baby, I'm so sorry."

There are tears running down Cas's face as he leans into Dean's hand, his brain needing a second to comprehend that he is safe now. "Dean, can you get me down? I can't feel my hands."

"Shit," Dean says as he quickly pulls Cas's pants back up before he starts untying him. As soon as Cas's wrists are free, Dean just hugs him.

Cas leans into him, feeling the blood rushing back into his numb arms and fingers. They feel heavy and foreign to him, before his limbs start to prickle as if ants are running over his skin. "Fuck, I was so afraid. How did you find me?"

Dean draws back, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "Remember we set up the tracker for your cellphone? I just… you weren't responding and I just… I just knew something was wrong."

Cas had never thought he would be so thankful for a piece of technology in his life. He closes his eyes before he braces his forehead against Dean's. "Thank you for finding me. You always save me."

When he leans back he gives Dean a soft smile before he leans in for a kiss. He stops himself though, pulling back when he remembers that he has blood all over his face. So instead he turns to the police woman, who had also taken his information for a restraining order a few weeks ago. "I think that counts as a violation of the restraining order, right?" He just wants to stop being afraid.

She flashes him a broad grin as she yanks Dick to his feet, looking a little worse for wear from the gashes where Dean punched him. "It is, and considering we're gonna tack on kidnapping and unlawful retainment, ooh, I think we're looking at a five year sentence, at least."

"He also tried to rape me, so I want to officially add that to the charges," Cas growls in the direction of Dick. 

He can feel Dean tense up. Dean looks at Cas. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, you got here just in time. But he hit me with his belt, and in my face." Cas shakes his arms out, relieved that the feeling is coming back.

"Dean," the woman says, "Take Cas to my car."

Dean is visibly shaking but he nods, lifting Cas in his arms as he carries him out of the warehouse, glaring at Dick as he passes by.

Cas presses his face against Dean's throat, inhaling deeply as he feels his body give out. The tension that kept him upright before is falling away, and he feels the exhaustion and pain pulling him down. "I'm so tired," he murmurs. "Can we go home?"

Dean presses a kiss to his cheek. "You probably have to give another statement, but I promise, as soon as that fucker is detained, and they have what they need, I'm taking you home." Dean gently sits Cas down on the backseat of the unmarked police vehicle and grabs something from the front seat. It's his hoodie from the shelter.

Cas feels warm in his heart as he buries his fingers in the soft material, lifting it his chest to press it close to his heart. "I missed this hoodie."

"It's yours officially now," he says as he bends down so they're at eye level. Dean braces his hands on Cas's knees. "Fuck, I'm so glad I found you."

“I was so afraid… Dean…“ It’s hard not to cry so he tries taking the hoodie as a distraction. “I don't want it to be mine. I like that it’s yours and you lend it to me. That way it always smells like you.”

Dean gently grasps Cas's hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles. "Fine, then it's mine that you borrow. Maybe I can talk you into cuddling with me in it."

“You had me at cuddling,” Cas replies with a smile before he winces, because now he can actually feel the split lip. “Fuck, I really hope Dick will go to prison.”

"He will, I'll make sure of it," Dean says as he cups Cas's cheek. "And if he doesn't, I know a powerful guy who owes me a favor."

Cas raises his eyebrows as he leans closer. “That sounds really good. I… I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I don’t want to ever see him again, Dean.” He feels on the brink of a breakdown and it takes everything to keep it together. “How… Um, what will happen now?”

Before Dean can answer, two police cars pull up with their lights flashing. Dean waves them down, and when one of the officers exits the car, a handsome black man, Dean appears to know him.

"Henriksen. The asshole is in there. Donna's got him in cuffs." Dean says as he points to the warehouse.

Cas watches everything from the backseat; the car door is still open with Dean leaning almost protectively in front of it. He can see Dick being dragged out a few moments later, and basically pushed into one of the police cars. His body trembles again as the car drives off and the policewoman, who arrested Dick, joins them. 

“All done,” she says in a friendly tone as she leans in to look at Cas in the backseat. “We need you to make a statement, but how are you, honey? Do you need to go to the hospital first?”

Cas shakes his head. Hospitals are expensive and he still has no idea if he will get the money back Dick stole from him. “No, let’s get this over with. I just want to go home.”

Dean nods at the cop. "I can dress any injuries, Donna. Can you take his statement and the pictures at our place?"

“Yeah, sure, we can do that.” She gets into the car, but before she starts it she turns around in her seat, waiting for Dean to settle next to Cas and close the door. “Dean, there is a shock blanket under the seat, wrap it around Cas, will you?”

Dean bends down and grabs the ugly gray blanket in question, wrapping it around Cas's shoulders before he presses a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I know this is terrible timing, but I love you," he whispers.

Cas leans into Dean with a smile, feeling warm not just from the blanket but Dean’s words. “I think it’s perfect timing.” He gets lost in Dean’s green eyes for a moment before he murmurs, “I love you.” He can barely keep his eyes open now, so he curls into Dean, into his warmth, knowing that he is finally safe.

…. :::: :::: ….

A year later it is finally finished. Cas lovingly calls it, "the warm hoodie," but they still haven't come up with an official name for it. 

After a horrible trial that had taken a lot out of Cas, he was finally able to see Dick go to prison for a very long time. "The Trickster" had even managed to get almost all the money Dick had stolen from Cas back, turning Cas into a millionaire overnight. And one of the first things Cas did was put the money to good use, building a bigger LGBTQ+ shelter with Dean at the helm.

Hannah stood right next to him at that moment, brush and paint bucket in her hand, after brainstorming what they wanted to paint onto the wall at the front desk. She has changed a lot in the past year, getting away from the drugs and now working at the shelter. 

Cas isn’t the only “success story” and he hopes they will be able to help many more people in the future. 

“Dean,” he calls his boyfriend over. “We really need a decision on the name now. Otherwise we can’t decide what to paint.”

Dean jogs over to him, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he looks up at the wall. "I suppose ‘The Intake’ would be out of the question?" he asks with a smirk.

Cas bursts into laughter and it hits him so hard that he doubles over, bracing his hand on the counter to not literally roll on the floor with laughter. "Fuck, Dean," he breathes out in between laughs, even infecting Hannah, who has no idea what the joke is about. "That is, no! That's a hard veto for me." He laughs, shaking his head. 

Dean grins broadly and looks at Cas with a dopey grin. "How about Rainbow Connection? Seeing as the only reference you got of mine was the friggin’ Muppets."

"The lovers, the dreamers, and me," Cas murmurs as he looks at the wall and nods. "I like it. Kermit it is." He gives Dean a quick look before he dips his brush into the pink bucket and walks over to Dean, painting a little dot on his nose. "Do you want to help?"

Dean nudges his paint wet nose against Cas's cheek. "Always. But I can't draw for shit."

"Hannah and I thought about adding different motifs around the name of the shelter that are important to our growth, our story. I'll draw the outlines for the hoodie, and you can color it. I have faith in you that you can do that," he says, giving Dean a little wink.

Dean nods and says, "I love that idea, and you." He presses a kiss to his lips and murmurs, "And not just cuz you bought me a shelter."

Cas wraps his arm around Dean and kisses his shoulder. He is wearing a soft plaid shirt and the fabric feels nice against his lips. He buries his nose against him because he loves Dean’s scent. “I love you,” he murmurs. His heart still leaps every time Dean looks at him, and his knees still turn to pudding when Dean smiles. “Do you want to eat burgers tonight? I feel that after this we need something good.”

"Suzie's?" he asks excitedly, sounding like a child getting a Happy Meal.

"Yes, absolutely," Cas nods and falls into the trap that is Dean's eyes again. He is so beautiful, inside and out, and sometimes Cas can't believe how lucky he is. 

And he knows when they go home tonight, he is going to show Dean how happy he makes Cas. Right before they cuddle in the black hoodie together. 

Life is good, and he hopes he can share that happiness with other people. Show them that there is a light in the darkness.

He turns to the wall and starts painting a rainbow. 

The End.