Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

One day, during a mission in the under ground where Captain Levi was born, squad leader Erwin Smith met a little girl who was certainly an orphan. She wasn’t the first one he saw, but she was the only one who managed to steal his bursary. Several days later, he managed to find her. That’s how Erwin Smith brought a 9-year-old child to the surface and decided to raise her like his daughter.

You were 16 when the Beast Titan savagely killed almost the entire Scout Regiment, including Erwin Smith, who was a father figure to you.

You promised him you’d join his regiment and that’s why you’ve been training so hard since you were a kid. It was because of him that Captain Levi accepted you into his regiment. Because it wasn’t because you were Erwin’s “daughter” that you could be accepted like that.

You remembered that day when you made your formal request to the Captain, on Erwin’s advice. He said you had all the talent to get in, but you had to at least show the courage to face Captain Levi. You admired him even though he was a pain in the ass with you.

You put your hand on your heart, lower your head down and told him you wanted to join the regiment. In response, he had given you a violent kick in the ribs (which you had fortunately blocked). He had to judge your reflexes even if he knew that you had the skills to enter his group (thank you Erwin). And it was with a detached look and a movement of the head that he made you understand that he accepted you.

But that day… the day a huge, hairy Titan appeared and had struck down a good part of the city with the soldiers, you couldn’t do anything. This freak, came out of nowhere (who spoke), had ripped out the only person who had reached out to you in recent years.

When it came to choosing between Armin and Erwin… Levi knew he had better listen to you, but he was between you and Mikasa. And despite your screams, tears and despair, you knew deep down that it had to stop.

On that day, for the first time, you saw a deep sadness in the eyes of the captain who had knelt down to shake your hands as a comfort. It was also the first time he showed any sign of kindness. But this look and this light embrace in the hand were enough to make you accept the horror of the thing with difficulty. You had attached yourself to his two compassionate dark blue irises and ended up going off with your omni-directional mobility gear.

But you had not fled the situation, you had climbed the walls to watch in the distance, the Cart Titan carrying the body of the one who had just radically changed your life. This bearded man… you’ll find him…

°°°°°

Four years after that attack.

"So young people, are you bringing us new friends ?" cried Hange, seeing you come alongside Levi, Mikasa, Eren and Jean.

You had spent the last few years with them to perfect your fighting techniques and take inspiration from Levi, the only one who could stand up to the Beast Titan. So on a regular basis, you would go out and confront Titans and bring some back to Hange so she could analyze them inside the Rose Wall.

"No, Eren slaughtered the last one." you answered, lying on a chair.

"Oh, bravo Eren ! I see who I can count on !" she exclaimed, placing an affectionate hand on your head.

Unlike Eren, who was overwhelmed by his hatred, you were very calm and thoughtful. Even if your desires for revenge were the same, you had managed to keep a good mood and an unexpected maturity. And your complicity with Hange helped a lot.

You exchanged an excessively childish look with her and saw Eren sighing out of the room, accompanied by Mikasa and Jean. You were laughing together.

"So Hange, did you still advance with the last specimen that was brought to you the other day ?"

“Yes, the one you brought me was an aberrant.” She jumped out of excitement. "And I was able to analyze a small proportion of intelligence, and he reacts differently to what I tell him.”

“So you think he understands what you’re saying ?” you add.

"Absolutely !"

"And if we asked him kindly to die, would he ?"

"Oh Levi, stop be a kill-joy and see the progress of my studies !" she grabbed his shoulder with a sudden but affectionate gesture. "Don’t you find that fascinating ?

"No." he simply replied.

Luckily Hange was there to put some good mood into this team. Between the morbidity of Levi and Mikasa, the hatred of Eren and Armin’s apprehensions, you were happy that she was there despite her strange leisure.

“Besides, I have something to tell you…” you timidly started. “I…I’m going to go beyond the walls.”

Always with her arm around Levi’s shoulders, Hange looked at you with fear :

"You mean to bring me more Titans, right ?"

“No, I’m serious, Hange. I have to go looking for the bearded man and...”

"No." Levi firmly intervened.

“I knew you weren’t going to like it, but listen to me…”

“I said no. End of discussion.”

With that, the Captain went out of the room in turn. Hange turned to your curly figure on the chair :

“I knew you were going to talk to us about it one day but it’s too early.”

"Too early for what ? It’s been four years, Hange !"

“I know…” she moved beside you. “…but if you want to avenge Erwin properly, we have to find the resources. According to Grisha’s books, the people who send us Titans regularly are very numerous, very well armed and especially have an extreme resentment towards us.”

You looked at her with begging eyes.

"But on the other side of the walls, in this other community, there is the bearded one !"

"So what is your plan ? Walk without stopping in front of the walls of this new community ? They will surely shoot you down if you are not devoured by a Titan on the road !"

“I thought I’d play it more finely, like going into them…”

She ends up standing in front of you.

“We don’t know anything about this community. We don’t know how they work, with what laws ect…” In front of your disappointment, she lowered her voice. “But I have to admit that it’s not a bad idea.”

"Really ?"

She raised her hand calmly.

"But it’s really risky. And the hardest part is convincing Levi.”

“We can try to go without him.”

“So now you’re dreaming. Without him, it’s assured death. And it surprises me, I thought you would want him to come.”

“Actually… I’d like to go alone.”

"Sorry ?"

You scratched the back of your head looking for a good explanation.

“I’d like… for once… to take care of this myself. And I don’t want to put you in something too dangerous.”

Hange approached, grabbed you by the chin and raised your head towards.

“Listen to me, little one, if you go on a suicide mission… I … uh… WHO WILL BRING ME TITANS FOR MY EXPERIENCES ?”

“I’m sorry to bother you...but Armin would like to speak in front of everyone.” Jean said, pushing his head out of the door.

Hange immediately let go of you, a embarrassed smile on the face.

She said it as a joke but you knew she could never let you go. She and Levi had been taking care of you for many years. You were all like a big family.

"No problem, we arrive !" she smiled, grabbing you by the arm.

You all walked to the room at the end of the stone hallway, where you used to get together. Sometimes beer was served there. You sat next to Sacha and Connie and saw Armin standing in front of the first tables. Only the soldiers of the regiment were present. Hange came to join Levi, who was standing with his arms crossed against the adjacent wall.

“Uh…listen to me all. I have great news.” Armin managed to articulate by raising his arms to attract attention. "Recently, I remembered the day Eren was able to command the Titans by touching one. We realized at the time that this Titan was of royal blood and concluded that Eren could control a small amount of Titans alongside an heir to the throne.” Then he looked at you. “I’ve also been thinking about our last battle with the Beast Titan and it’s clear he knows a lot more than we do because he has the same power.” He swallowed the ball down his throat and raised his voice. “I know many of you want revenge and were waiting for answers when we were looking at Titans but I think I found another solution…”

"Another solution than waiting for Hange to finish her weird experiments with these monsters ?" Connie shouted for everyone to hear.

He exchanged a mocking look with the concerned.

"Yes, Connie." continued Armin. "Someone within these walls knows the Beast Titan very well and could give us all the information we need. But until now, we couldn’t question her because she’s stuck in a block of redurcie skin. I’m talking about Annie.” then he turned to Eren. "I’m sure Eren can call Annie and force her out of her block."

His plan was brilliant but based on nothing at all. Yet, the hope of finally having answers and a name to give to this bearded man made you stand up :

"And for the royal blood, we must ask to Historia !"

"Exactly (Y/n) ! And the Queen has already accepted my request !"

The room was suddenly filled with cries of joy and hope. As you and Connie and Sacha hugged each other hard, you turned your eyes to Hange and Levi. The latter continued to fix the ground, completely immersed in his thoughts. But Hange glanced at you and elbowed the Captain, who finally lifted his head. You saw her bend over his ear to whisper something to him. After a few seconds when he looked at you with pleated eyes, he beckoned you to come to them, amidst the festive atmosphere.

You released Sacha and Connie and quickly joined your two superiors.

“We need to talk. Let’s go outside.” Levi said as he left the room. Just before arriving outside where the air was getting colder and colder because of the falling night, Hange winked at you after seeing you anxious. The Captain was always very mysterious, impossible to know what he really thought behind his freezing eyes. "Well, Hange told me what you were going to do. Do you really want to go alone ?"

“Well, yes.”

"I thought the immature, angry kid was already embodied by Eren, but he seems to have competition.”

You clench your fists in front of him.

"I have only been training for the last few years, and I do not intend to end my life behind these walls without understanding why. If it pleases you to live in ignorance, it is up to you, but it will be without me.”

"Wow, I’m shivering." he replied in a monotonous voice. "You’ve been training four years against idiot Titans. You think you can handle an army of humans who want us dead ?"

“If I may, Levi, I will be of the opinion to leave too.” Hange solemnly declared, standing by your side. “The problem is not whether she will go, but whether she will go alone.”

"All right, let’s assume you’re right, how many more soldiers would be willing to leave the walls and go straight into a trap ? One ? Two maybe ?"

"Captain, you are not going to tell me that you are going to let this monster live his life as if nothing had happened ?" you let go.

This time he lowered his head and his voice was deeper. “You know very well I’m not, but I’m realistic. We don’t have the equipment or the men for this kind of mission.”

Hange turned her head sadly towards you :

“If Levi doesn’t come then don’t even bother asking others if they’ll be able to…”

"And Annie ! If she gives us good advice ? And you think he won’t come back ? He would have just come to kill a few of us and that’s it ? You expect him to kill even more of our friends ?!"

This time you got carried away.

Levi’s right hand grabbed your collar and pressed you against the wall of the building. Mechanically, you grabbed his wrist in an effort to let him go, but it was a waste of time. He had an iron grip. He gently drew his face closer to yours :

"I do all this to protect you. If this guy wanted to come back, he would have done it long before. Plus, you really think Annie’s gonna tell us nicely everything she knows about the Titan so we can kill her community ? Think about it !"

His tone was very harsh but you knew he wasn’t angry with you. He was angry with the situation. He, too, was dying to go beyond the walls to behead this bearded man. But he had to be responsible. At the time, it was he who rushed headlong and it was Erwin who kept him in place.

When you realized that, you no longer considered retaliating and decided to simply lower your head as submission.

At that, he slowly loosened his hand before letting you go completely. He took a last look at Hange and turned his heels before saying :

“I don’t want to lose anyone again.”

It was out of love for his soldiers that he forced himself to control himself. Out of love for all of you.

Hange put her hand on your shoulder :

“I can try to convince him, but it’s going to be complicated.”

°°°°°°°

Four days have passed without you agreeing to look the Captain in the eye again. You knew it was for your own good, but after four years of training, your patience was exhausted.

Moreover, Annie was awakened by the cry of Eren in contact with Historia but she refused to speak. In your head, everything was clear, you were going to run away during the night with a horse, your equipment, food and no one to slow you down. You just had to prepare well and avoid attracting attention.

Over the last few days, you were able to gather a small stock of food towards the main gate. And during your last « Titan hunt » mission, you had hidden a horse in a cave with food and water, the time it lasted until the next night when you escaped.

By evening, you had written a short explanatory letter that you had left in your room for the first one who would realize that you are no longer there. Then you waited for the full moon to come out with your gear and make as little noise as possible. On the way, you thought of your comrades that you left behind, hoping that they will all be well in the future.

By quietly joining the cave, you began to realize that you were probably never going to see them again. And especially that you were going to be alone. You had never been alone outside the walls and now the world and its dangers were before you. But the fear of the unknown did not rival your hatred for the one who was hiding on the other side.

"You idiot."

You didn’t have time to turn around when a violent kick (that you barely parry) hits your stomach. You fell on your back, in the dust of the cave. You jumped on your both feet, ready to fight, but the faint light of the moon illuminated Levi’s face.

"Captain ?"

You didn’t even hear him coming. And how did he find you ? But in reply he took out of his pocket a ragged piece of paper, your letter.

""My friends and fellow soldiers, I am going away to accomplish the task I promised you. Please, please don’t go looking for me and live your life as you see fit. I bid you farewell. (Y/n)." Are you fucking kidding me ?"

He threw the paper in your face. But this humiliation will be the last, you had made your decision.

You looked up full of challenges.

« Let me pass. »

He put his hands in his pockets.

"Or what ? You’re going to call Auntie Hange to the rescue ?" He knew how to be incisive, but this time, instead of lowering his head again, you punched him in the face. He avoided it quite easily. And in front of his mocking gaze, your anger overflowed more and more and you began to give a burst of blows. He parried certain blow and dodged others. "Come on, stop that, I feel like I’m dancing."

He grabbed your wrist, positioned his heel in front of your foot and pulled you towards him so that you would fall apart painlessly. But you knew those old techniques. The moment he shot you, you turned on yourself to finally give him a violent elbow to the belly. He recoiled, stammering a few rudeness, while you raised your fists in the attack position.

“You have to let me go. I can’t live like this anymore.”

He pretended to hit you in the stomach again with a kick, but swept you instead. You again fell heavily into the gravel and before you got up again, he put his right foot between your chest and your left shoulder to stop you on the ground.

"You can’t live like this ? What about the others ? The real soldiers continue at all costs even with the death of their allies. Erwin knew that. And you, you want to leave everything, give up your group ?" he pushed his boot deeper into your muscle, making you moan in pain. "A soldier who goes into the unknown is as useful as a dead soldier. Our strength lies in our numbers. I thought you understood that a long time ago.”

He saw you mumbling something between your tight teeth. "What ? You got more bullshit to say ?"

“Even if I have to die, I will take him to the grave with me…”

His right knee took the place of his foot on your muscle so he could get closer to you.

He took your letter and put it on your chest.

“Don’t make me cut your leg off to make you stay here, brat.”

You no longer answered. You were stuck anyway and he would put you down until you complied with his will.

But a violent jolt reminded you of the environment in which you were. Even at night, aberrants could attack…

Levi leapt to the edge of the cave and saw on the path that led to the gates of the walls, about twenty Titan advancing.

"Get up quickly !" he cried out to you before he threw himself into the void and left in the air with his equipment.

Neither one nor two, you see the group getting closer to the wall. Where do all these aberrant things come from ? It’s impossible. But your attention was drawn by a howl from Titan. Except that the howl came from inside the walls. It couldn’t have been Eren because the Queen had left. It could only have been...

Annie.

But the panic increased when you saw the Titan emerge from among the Titans, the Armored Titan. And behind him, the Cart Titan.

After four years they’re back !

Reiner… this traitor… it is better to try to forget him…

And if there is the Cart Titan… there could be…

Your eyes roam the territory but the lack of visibility prevents you from distinguishing a Titan who could be hairier than another.

You in turn jumped into the void and followed the path that Levi had taken inside the walls with his equipment.

You land above them, with the entire regiment team in formation.

"Where were you two ?" cried Hange, rushing to you and Levi.

“A simple routine workout.” He grumbled as he approached the void to get a better view of the attack.

“It was Annie who called them. I had no idea her scream could carry that much…it was my fault…” He scolded Armin with his head in his hands.

“I sent Jean with a group to shut her up. We have to take care of Reiner.” says Hange, equipping herself with explosive lances.

Everyone imitated him.

“Wait… they came for her. And there are too many of them. What if we gave her to them directly so that they could leave without killing anyone ?” intervened Armin.

"What ? You want to give her without a fight ?" you said, turning around.

“She’s not going to talk to us, so we’re wasting our time keeping her here, and they could keep calling more and more…” he adds.

Before the painful reality, you could only bow down…

“You can’t repel all these Titan ships with the Armored and the Cart even with Eren, the losses would be too great.” admitted Hange.

“I can try to take care of the Cart. He stays away as backup so he won’t suspect me coming to him.” said Levi getting ready to jump.

"I’m coming with you." you added, imitating his gesture.

“If the bearded man were here, we would have already had a blast of stone in our faces. You can stay back.”

“No, I’m not talking about the bearded guy. I want to help you stop that other Titan who helped him in his massacre.” you insisted.

Facing the appreciative gaze of Hange, he nodded and jumped towards the Cart Titan. You followed in his footsteps.

Behind you, Eren turned and drove away Reiner.

Reiner…

You and the Captain went to the left to catch the Cart Titan by surprise. But in reality, you didn’t want to help Levi kill the Titan. You knew that if he didn’t die, the Cart would flee like the last time to return to his community. It was enough to hide in one of the barrels he carried on his back to take you there. But to do that, you had to stop Levi from killing him…

That’s why you wanted to go with him. To stop him from killing the Titan that would take you to the bearded man.

"You draw his attention from the left and I attack him from behind !" he shouted in the air.

You answered with a nod and moved to the side. When you entered the field of vision of the Titan concerned, you raised your weapons to attract his attention. As he turned his head towards you, you jumped from the tree where you had set out to go towards Levi, so that the Titan could see the blow coming and defend himself.

He took the Captain's shot and put himself in an attack position while you were resting on a tree.

He said : "What are you doing ?" and readjusted his equipment.

“Another Titan embarrassed me and I had to step forward… sorry.” you lied.

He gave you a suspicious look that made you shiver. But before he asked any more questions, a cannon shot sounded in your direction. The Cart Titan was firing shots with his arsenal on his back. Other Titans were attracted by the noise and you understood that you had to take advantage of the surrounding chaos to approach him without Levi seeing you.

You jumped first, pretending to attack the Titans on your way.

Fortunately, the Cart Titan was only aimed at Levi because he recognized him and knew he was the greatest threat. Which left you plenty of room to approach him from behind.

You used the last three Titans on the way as an poles to jump on the Cart. While he was focused on shooting the Captain, you jumped to land right behind him. Thanks to the cannon sounds, you could climb on his back without him or his team sitting inside hearing you. In haste, you opened one of the boxes big enough, took out all the material placed in it, threw away your equipment and your jacket where the symbol of the Scout regiment appeared and entered the box.

Before you closed it, you watched one last time Captain Levi fight and hope he retreats to give you plenty of time to escape.

You closed the box and hung as much as possible against the walls.

For many minutes, cannon sounds poured in. But you finally heard :

"Reiner is back !"

"He is in bad shape but I think he has Annie in his hand''.

“We’re almost out of ammunition, time to go !”

And after that, your box shook in all directions. The Cart Titan was running away and Reiner and Annie had to follow him.

In your box, on the way, you were praying for as little death as possible.

°°°°°°

Reiner had managed to break through the walls and destroy Annie’s cell to catch him despite the fact that Eren clunged to him.

He had managed to escape his grip when a group of aberrant, controlled by Annie, attacked him. The regiment had been overwhelmed between fighting back and protecting civilians.

Further on, in the forest, the Captain was facing the Cart. But he retreated to the walls after seeing soldat (Y/n)’s torn jacket in the middle of a Titan group. He decided to go back and defend the wall and scream his rage after the battle.

In the end, 21 presumed dead (including (Y/n)) and 85 wounded (including Connie and Jean).

**** anecdote 1 ****

13 months before the attack of the Beast :

"(Y/n), you got lead in your boots ?" Levi shouted.

"Wait a few seconds, she’ll make it." Erwin asked.

In response to his encouragement, you threw yourself forcefully towards the target and struck the neck of the false Titan with your two blades.

His neck burst. You fell to the ground not without a hint of pride before running towards Erwin and Levi.

"Then, Mr Party Pooper ?" you said defiantly.

"Your shot was not deep enough, if it had been a real Titan you would have ended up in pieces." he replied dryly.

"So your targets aren’t realistic enough."

"Don’t worry, it was great. It’s over for today, get ready for the next exploration." Erwin went on, trying to calm these false tensions.

You hit your chest with your fist :

"By your command, sir !"

"(Y/n), are you coming with us ? Sacha found some wild boar and is going to cook it for us." said Connie on his horse.

"Wow ! I’m coming."

You’ll run like a child after Erwin’s permission. You often had meals with the group, so you could clear your head and forget about the monsters.

You had joined the dining room where there were already Connie, Jean, Eren, Armin and Mikasa.

"Is Sacha coming ?" complained Jean.

"Yes yes ! I hope there will be enough ! How many of us are there ?"

"Uh... one, two, three, four, five, six and seven." Connie said.

"There are also Bertolt and Reiner coming." Armin intervened.

"Whoa, with Reiner who eat for 20 people, I don’t know if there’ll be enough for us (for me)." Sacha mumbled as he turned her steak.

"It's normal with the body he has, he needs more fuel." ria Connie.

"Pff... he’s nothing extraordinary, Mikasa beats him at arm wrestling." blew Jean.

"Because you can beat him ?" you say by hiding your smile.

The others laughed. Everyone remembered the day when he challenged him to arm wrestling and the blond almost crushed his arm. But he did not break down and gave you a provocative look :

"I understand you’re defending him at all costs, given the number of times he’s come to your rescue in training."

"He just likes to help people." you said suddenly.

In spite of you, red animated your cheeks. It is true that he often defended you , in combat and even against Captain Levi when he fought you. And it was true that you sometimes looked, with a little too much insistence, at the shape of his shirt when he sweated after a physical exertion. Time is well spent…

"I’m done ! Can someone help me ?" exclaimed Sacha, with arms full of wild boar.

"I’m coming !" cried Connie as he got up.

Your gaze had left Jean’s to fix the ground, trying to hide your shame. There weren’t many people you could talk to about that kind of thing. Mikasa only had eyes for Eren. Sacha for the boar. And Ymir and Christa didn’t seem too interested in the opposite sex. In fact, it was only Hange who probably understood because she liked to wink at you when the blond wasn’t far away.

“Hi (Y/n).”

You jumped and turned your head towards the one who had just sat next to you.

“Ah… hi Reiner.”

"What were you talking about ?"

You finally returned the provocative look that Jean had cast on you.

“Well, our dear and esteemed comrade Jean said you weren’t that strong.”

The brown gave you a deadly look.

"I never claimed to be the strongest. And if being a good soldier was all about muscle, the Titans would have already destroyed all of humanity.” replied the blond shrugging his shoulders. His repartee continued to amaze you. Even Jean seemed at last to show a certain respect for his words. “However, don’t count on me to share the little meat we have equitably !” He laughs by catching Jean’s steak directly on his plate.

Chapter Text

The journey was long and you almost fainted several times in front of the lack of water and oxygen. Fortunately, in order to gather as much information as possible (and to fill the boredom), you could hear conversations:

“It’s been a long time, Annie, you’ll see the kids have grown up.” You recognized Reiner’s voice.
“I’ll go to my dad first if you don’t mind,” she said bluntly.
"Oh no. We’ll have to go to Zeke first. He has a mountain of questions for you." said the Cart Titan.
“Pff… I really didn’t miss that one.” she sighed.
"Rejoice, he has proclaimed that he will organize a great feast for your return !"

The conversation continued with a mixture of laughter from the band and insults from Annie. From the outside, you wouldn’t think they were the cause of a real massacre… they look so normal… yet they are monsters.
After a while, the Cart Titan came to a stop, then jumped onto a wall before landing on the ground. Hearing the noise of a crowd, you understood that you had arrived. That’s it ! Within the walls of the community that almost destroys yours !

You waited to hear the voices go away and you opened the box slightly, not only letting your eyes glimpse.
And to your surprise… the place looked welcoming. People were smiling. The air was good and the sky was clear. You thought you were coming to a place full of bloodthirsty warriors, but at first, this town looked a lot like yours. Except that a lot of people owned armbands.
Once the way was clear, you slipped out of the box and quickly looked for a place to hide, time to think about the situation. But your body, which was put to the test during the journey, prevented you from moving properly and you collapsed on the ground, in the dust.
Before getting up, you felt a small hand clutching your clothes.

"Are you okay, ma'am ?"

A little boy had seen you fall and dropped his mother’s hand to meet you. He was tiny but so cute. Did he know what his community was ? Will he become a monster like Reiner and Annie ?

"Billy ? Excuse me, madam, are you okay ?"

His mother knelt down on you to witness your sorry state. And your facial expression might have suggested that you were so crazy that you were surprised by the appearance of this people.
And that’s when you came up with a plan. That woman seemed like a good mother and you knew what you had to do to find a home. You were going to impersonate a miraculous, traumatized soldier.
Seeing your eyes totally lost and the few visible wounds (due to your fight the day before), the mother approached a reassuring hand towards you :

"Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you. Are you a Marleyan ? Or have you lost your armband ?" She and her son both wore one, so you nodded for the second option. "Do you have a home ?" When you didn’t answer, she turned her head towards her son. “Billy, go home and tell your uncle I’m coming, probably with someone else.”
"Okay, mom !"
“Excuse me…I think you must have seen some horrors to be in this state but I can help you. You should know that the rescued Eldian soldiers are very badly received by the authorities and I refuse to see more of our own in this state.”

Your amazement was such that you didn’t even have to act to look completely lost.
She helped you get up and you whispered in a broken voice :

“Thank you…”
"Can I take you home ? There is my son Billy, my brother Finger and probably his daughter Pieck who has just returned from a mission. What do you think ?”

You nodded feebly, happy to have found so quickly a place where you could learn more about this city, its laws and the bearded.
You will sigh with relief as you walk away from Reiner and Annie, the only ones who might recognize you.
You arrive in front of a modest house, surrounded by flowers.
When you walked in, a man with a tired face greeted you with little Billy and a bowl of soup at the table. Certainly his uncle.

“Hello, Billy told me how he found you. Don’t be afraid, we just want to help you.” he says, handing you the food.
“We can only imagine the horrors you must have seen… we are used to…” the woman mumbled.
“Yes we know that… my daughter is a warrior and I always worry every time she leaves. I’m glad she’s home…”
“Pieck is the current carrier of the Cart Titan.”

You choked on your soup.

"Are you okay ?"

You shook your head again trying to keep your cool.
I’m in the house of the Cart Titan ? What if she recognized me ? What if she attacked me ?

"Hello !"

Suddenly a young girl with black hair appeared.

"Pieck !"

The man and the girl threw themselves into each other’s arms.
So this beautiful girl was the terrifying Cart Titan?
When she turned to you, you immediately bleated for fear of being recognized.

"Who is it ?" she always asked with a smile on her face.
“An Eldian soldier who survived the last battle, it seems.”
"Ah I see, you continue to welcome Eldians at home. Delighted !"

She confidently reached out to you. You hesitated a few seconds before smiling timidly and shaking her feebly.

"Pieck, are you staying to eat with us ?" asked his aunt.
“I came out of a warrior meeting after Annie came home, and Zeke’s hysterical speeches knocked me out… so I’m not saying no to your soup !" she said, sitting on the chair to your right. "Where are you from ?"

The room suddenly became very quiet. You didn’t know anything about the outside world so you couldn’t risk saying a random city name. 

"Finally, Pieck, avoid asking intrusive questions." whispered her father.
"Sorry, it’s just that I think we could have crossed paths on a battlefield. I know it’s really hard to recover from the massacres that you can sometimes insist on.”

You do not think so well to say... you thought.

"By the way, I heard there’s gonna be a party for Annie’s return, right ?"

Pieck giggled.

"Yes, but the main person is not in the mood to party. She’s certainly not coming. But I think a lot of soldiers and warriors won’t come, they don’t have the head for it as always.”
"What about you ? Are you going ?" asked little Billy.
“I’m thinking of going for a ride, yes. I haven’t worn a dress in a long time.”
"What about you ?"

Everyone turned to you. The last thing to do was to show your face to the people and hope they didn’t run into Reiner and Annie. In response, you lowered your head. Pieck patted your shoulder. Strangely, this contact reminded you of Hange on the spot.

"It’s better not for you to go out now. If they find out we’re keeping a traumatized Eldian soldier who lost his armband, we’ll be good for the dungeon.” She drinks a sip of soup. "But I think this party is just Zeke’s excuse for being able to spot the Eldian resistance. More and more groups are being discovered that threaten Marley.”

Zeke… you’ve heard that name several times already. Earlier, Pieck mentioned a meeting of the warriors of which this Zeke was a member. It must be a high representative. Or another warrior... And as with all squads, this one had to have some sort of headquarters, a place where all gather. And in this group, is necessarily part of the Beast Titan. The bearded man.
It was enough to find this place and hide there while waiting for the warriors. Your memories had hung on to his shaggy blond hair and his blood-covered beard. In short… not much in the way. And you couldn’t ask the question directly at the table, it would seem too suspicious.

"And are you staying here tonight or are you going back to your warrior den ?" said the aunt.
“I’d love to stay again tonight, but the kids are coming back from training, and I can’t wait to see Zophia’s face when she finds out Annie’s return.”
“I can’t help but find it unhealthy…”
"Why ?"
“Living with friends who will be forced to…”
"To eat you ?"

The silence returned to the charge. You were only listening to understand the situation in which you were. Everything was foreign to you… But these children would be the successors of the warriors ? It is indeed very unhealthy... Let us hope that the bearded man has not already been eaten.
Pieck sighed and continued :

“Don’t worry. We’ve talked about this thousands of times and there’s nothing but respect between us.” she smiles. “I’m really happy to have such a supportive team !”

A team of murderers, you said to yourself. Do these children know what they will be forced to do next ? Certainly, given that Reiner and Bertolt ravaged the city at 12.
What an unhealthy city.
The dinner ends. You take the trouble to put away the plates to prove that you were not just a wild beast. But you took the opportunity to observe the path, through the window, that Pieck would take when leaving. She had gone to a rather remote building, where there were plenty of equipment and soldiers.
It was decided, that night, you were going to find the place where they meet, and hide there until you find what you came for.
The family was really warm. But you forced yourself to keep a cool head and not get too attached to them. Despite the fact that they looked perfectly like the families of your own people, you could not allow yourself to be encumbered by futile feelings. You were already worried sick about the regiment, so there was no point in hanging in pity on the poor people you’ll probably never see again.

"Voila, you can sleep here for the night." The mother took out a handmade blanket and a large comforter. "I will check my son’s room if he has any other cushions for you''.

You grab her wrist. A little too loud because she let out a cry of surprise. But you nodded at her and said you didn’t need it. In fact, her kindness almost started to upset you because it forced you to question the fact that this community was populated only by monsters.
You had to hate them. Otherwise it would be like killing Erwin with your own hands. No matter the reasons, no matter the infinities that might have connected you, you had no right to accept what they had done. Of course you won’t kill the entire community, but at least the death of the bearded man will ease your pain. And probably Reiner and Annie’s too.
However, she still left you a sling that she had begun to sew before going to bed in turn. The father smiled at you and little Billy wished you luck.
The night was cold. You were finally grateful for the blanket they gave you. A good family…

It was around 3:00 that you jumped out of the window. Despite the night, several lights in the street slightly lighted the way. Fortunately for you, you quickly recognized the one Pieck had taken thanks to the many soldiers guarding the entrance of the building. It was definitely going to be complicated… there were four around the door, two on each side. Even if Hange had already shown you how to smother someone from behind without making noise, the other 3 would very quickly see you coming… They had to be separated.
Fortunately, the city was not quiet, there were still people outside at that time. Not necessarily very distinguished people by the way. That’s when you had an idea. 
You discreetly approached and hid behind the doorway of a nearby house to get a better view of the drunken group hanging around the building. Your hand plunged into the gravel around your feet to pull out a big enough stone. You aimed at the big clumsy who seemed to guide the group, and threw the stone at him with force.
The group turned in your direction but you had withdrawn behind the wall.

"Ooooh... hic ! What are you doing here ? Who did this, that I smash his face ?"
“It’s not us… hic… it came from behind… hic.”

The fat man turned to his comrade and grabbed his jacket.

"You son of a bitch ! HIC ! You think I’ll believe you ?"

To say that the plan worked was an understatement. He whom you had struck began to fight with his companion in front of others who tried to hold him in unbearable uproar. Of course, two of the soldiers who guarded the entrance left to intervene.
That gave you plenty of time to sneak out onto the side of the building, just behind a tree. Thanks to the din of the drunkards next door, you could grab a branch, cling to it to gain momentum, and smash the skull of one of the two that remained without attracting the attention of the other two.
Your boot struck the face of the first who crashed unconscious. The second did not have time to shout to warn his comrades that you tackled him (the same one Levi used to do to you), sent him into the dust of the ground. By the time he lifted his head, you seized the gun of the first to smash it on his temple. He fell unconscious in turn.
You didn’t linger any longer and walked into the building with a gun in your hand. Obviously there was no plan to spot you or tell you which rooms to use. The hallway you walked down was so calm and this silence began to make you realize that you had absolutely no plan and that anyone (like Annie or Reiner) could come and kill you without scruple. It was the passion and adrenaline that brought you here and you knew it was immature, but you let yourself be guided by your baser instincts of revenge.
After a while, you started hearing noise in the distance. It was clearly the voices of children heckling. Bingo ! Children in such a gloomy place, it is necessarily the aspiring warriors !
You pressed the rifle against your chest and followed the voices by rubbing the wall. You finally arrived at a door from which a small light came out.

“I can’t believe we got Annie back !”
"It’s thanks to Reiner ! The Armored is clearly the strongest and that’s why I’m going to inherit it !"
"No, it will be me, Gabi ! I will beat you !"
"Ah ! You dream,  Falco ! I have always been the best ! Like my cousin !"

Strangely enough, these child bullies made you smile. It felt good to hear a little innocence and carelessness. Even if it was about who would eat who first to become stronger. Really unhealthy this city.
But then… what do you do ? You didn’t go waiting at the door for hours hoping they’d tell you where the warrior’s room is. You also weren’t going to come in and threaten kids with your gun if they didn’t tell you where the Beast Titan is. You were stuck…
Suddenly, a howl sounded in the hallway, warning that an armed intruder had slipped into the building.
The alarm was out.

"Did you hear ?" Zophia shuddered.
“We have to catch him before the guards ! That way we’ll get a better score !”
"No Gabi ! You could get killed !"
“Like every day, you idiot. If you want to become a warrior, you mustn’t be afraid to die for your country.”

You had nowhere to hide and by the time you understood what they were saying about the other side of the door, a little brown girl with hazel eyes suddenly opened it, knife in hand. You fell face to face with this child who was as surprised as you. But her surprise turned into a mixture of anger and fun. She jumped on you and tried to pierce you several times with her blade. You could have shot her a long time ago, but there was no way you were gonna kill a child in cold blood or you’d be no better than the others. So you just dodged her punches and ended up giving her a severe cross to the head. She fell backwards, at the feet of her friends mad with anguish. Once again you could have shot in the pile but (except the little brunette) they looked so cute and innocent.
But a gunshot still sounds.
You collapsed mechanically on the ground as if your right leg no longer obeyed you.
A soldier had risen across the hall and shot you in the leg at the knee. Now on the ground, you saw a group of soldiers coming in a storm. You raised the end of your cannon in their direction and as you were about to fire…

“Wait…please don’t do this…”

This little blond who held her friend firmly (hurt by your fault) in his arms gave you a supplicant look. His apparent innocence got the better of you and you pulled your finger off the trigger before being crushed on the ground by several soldiers.
Finally no deaths. And it was better like that. The only one you really wanted to see dead wasn’t there, so there was no point in putting your life on the line. You’ll be playing kamikaze when he’s in front of you.
They disarmed you without problem before they put you in a pair of cold handcuffs.

"Who are you ? And where are you from ?"

As usual, you lowered your head and didn’t answer. One of the soldiers grabbed you by the shoulder and lifted you so hard that you landed on your feet.

"Have her get a blood test and if she does, she’ll be part of the group we picked up this week.”

A blood test ? A group ?
Again you didn’t understand anything about what was going on and you had no choice but to follow them to a cell in the building. Before they threw you in, they cut you in the forearm to get enough blood. The air was icy and the pain of your wounds prevented you from finding sleep. You were alone between these four walls but you noticed a small hole between two stones. Just the place to see that there was someone on the other side of the wall. And with his appearance (mutilated) and posture (sitting on the ground) you realized that you were far from the only one here.
You stared at him long enough for him to notice you and bow his head towards you.

“You look even more confused than the others… yet I’ve never seen you. Are you a deserter ?”

It was only a prisoner and especially an opportunity to understand more about where you were. He certainly wasn’t gonna rat on you because of the way he was.

“No. I came to kill someone.”

He laughs.

“Ha ! The government is made up of many people. Killing one person will not make a difference.”
“I don’t want to bring this government down. I just want to kill someone but I don’t know who it is…”

He glanced at you half-intrigued half-blazer and sighed:

“Another crazy woman…”
"Can you help me ? If I tell you I came to kill a warrior, could you tell me what they look like ?

Your words seemed sincere, which finally aroused his interest.

“I don’t know all of them… but you have no chance of killing one.”
"I want to kill the Beast Titan, do you know who it is ?"
“I know the faces of the warriors but not their Titan so I don’t know who has this “Beast Titan”.”

You were definitely not lucky.

"A bearded man."
“Ah… yes. The only bearded warrior there is, is the leader. I’ve never seen him, but from what I hear, he’s a man of mind.”
"Of a mind-boggling cruelty." you said.
“I’m curious about what he did to you. I don’t think it’s his kind of traumatizing soldiers.”
“Yet he killed an entire army, including one of my best friends, right in front of my eyes.”
“I get it… you come from one of the colonies ? You have to forgive him, he just follows orders. And if you want to find culprits, those who give the orders are the Marley leaders ! The government !"

You can never be led to believe that he did not like to slaughter your people. You heard him laugh yourself. The government had nothing to do with it.

"Why are you here ?" Did you finally ask.

He smiles bitterly.

“I was arrested for conspiracy against Marley and misrepresentation.” He raised the stump of his right arm. “And that’s what I won.”

The night went by so fast that you almost forgot you were hurt. Your leg wasn’t too damaged but the dirty place you were could cause an infection… You smile inwardly, imagining the Captain complaining and cleaning up this cell.
You were already starting to miss them all. And yet it was only a day and a half.
It is true that, despite these man-eating Titans, you were going to miss this life. Or rather this life before the arrival of the primordial Titans. The day you realized that Annie was a traitor, was the beginning of the collapse of a family that you imagined you had. And it was nothing compared to Reiner and Bertolt. Especially Reiner. But anyway ! Out of the question to rethink !
At daybreak, you noticed that your leg wound had darkened a little. But you didn’t really have much time to think about it because the door opened and 2 soldiers caught you to get you out. The same goes for your friend across the wall. In the corridor, there were fifteen of you who were taken by the soldiers to a new, much larger room. It was hard to keep up with your wound, but you quickly noticed that all the prisoners were mutilated. 

"On the line !" cried one of the soldiers, aiming his rifle at you.

Everyone did. You were just about in the middle. As you turned your head, you saw your cellmate give you a supportive look. At first you thought you were all going to be executed but the soldiers seemed to be quietly waiting for something to happen. As a precaution, you tell yourself that you should not attract attention and you choose to do as your comrades: lower your head. Your hair fell quickly in front of your face to hide.
You were obviously surrounded by rebels and deserters. Most were atrophied and could barely stand. The silence of the room was finally filled by a boot sound sinking into gravel. The urge to turn your eyes to find out who it was was consuming, but you had to stick to the plan. And if it was Reiner... I’d be dead right now.
The footsteps approached from left to right. You lowered your head to the point of looking at your shoes. He kept walking, very slowly as if watching you like cattle.
It’s surely the chief will decide what to do with us.
You felt he reach your level and as you thought he would continue on his way, you heard he stop. The tips of his shoes were placed facing yours (and in much better condition). Why does he necessarily stop on me ?...
The icy air was accompanied by the smoke of the cigarette he was pulling. After exhaling the smoke on your face, his deep voice sounded :

“If all deserters had your looks, I’d be more lenient with them.”

Was that supposed to be a joke ? He continued :

“You’re in much better shape than the others. What happened to you ?”

His tone was clearly sarcastic. You felt a mixture of shame and fear. It was obvious that you were an intruder among all others.
He again blew smoke in your face, which made you bow your head even more grimacing in front of the unknown smell. Eyes fixed on the ground, mute and trying to hide as much as possible your tremors to the hands. You felt him leaning slightly towards you, his smell standing out from others through a more masculine scent.

“When I talk to someone, I appreciate that they answer.”

You still weren’t moving. In fact, you hesitated to tell him that you would never argue with someone like him, but you had to admit that you expected him to talk to you much more vulgarly. He was strangely calm and polite, which made him even scarier to your liking. You’d already seen Levi and Hange interrogate people a lot harder, so nothing to do with the smile in his voice. Although his voice was low and slightly severe, it was sweet in a way.
He continued to stare at you, observing the slightest reaction that might attract your attention. While the seconds seemed to be hours, he made a gesture of the head towards the soldiers without leaving your eyes:

“Leave us alone.”

His voice sounded like a drum. You frowned and didn’t really understand the situation.
Without flinching, the soldiers brought out all the other Eldians in a silence of death. Some seemed to sigh with relief.
Her blue eyes were always locked on you, like a predator watching his prey.
You were now alone. His voice, which had hitherto been relaxed, became much firmer :

"Look at me."

In spite of all the courage you were trying to grow in your womb, fear held on to you. His change in behavior clearly denounced an unpredictable temperament.

"Look at me, or I’ll have you killed all the deserters you shared your cell with."

With a few drops of sweat on the temple due to stress, you raised your eyes towards him, almost timidly.
As your head rose, you gradually discovered what he looked like. First, dark trousers, half covered by a beige coat, a well-pressed white shirt, a red armband with biceps, and… and his face.
The first thing that occurred to you was that it was far from the cliché of the vulgar big chief, he was truly a handsome man.
But what caught your attention the most was not his physical features, but his way of looking at you. In front of your killer look, he folded his blue eyes looking down at you, a charming smile on his lips. Round glasses adorned his symmetrical face and were slightly hidden by some blond hair falling in front of his face. All matched with a very well cut beard.
And that’s also when you realized how close he was. It was probably intimidation, but the little distance between you two faces was in the inner sphere. 
But the lack of recoil on his face made it impossible to make sure it was him.
He was a bearded man, but he couldn’t make sure it was yours.
You didn’t really know what a face you were making but time seemed to stop. You fix each other in a domination game. His height naturally allowed him to dominate you but you were not going to lower your eyes.

“I guess you don’t know how deserters are treated around here ?” he inhaled his smoke. "They are offered to the rich families of the city as slaves.”

He put it on you again. In a fit of provocation, you answered by spitting on his shoes.
You had no idea how to behave in this new environment, but it was clear that you would rather die here than become a slave to these monsters.
For his part, he looked at his shoes, first flabbergasted, then again a player. His enigmatic look made you shiver, this guy may have been rather pleasant to look at, but he was even creepier.

“You can come back.” he said to the soldiers. While they surrounded you again, the man crushed his cigarette on the shoulder of your jacket, knowing of course that you were not going to try anything. “This one.”

Suddenly the soldiers grabbed you by the arms and handcuffed you on the spot. You struggled in vain, your destiny was sealed.
While being dragged by force towards the exit, you still kept your eyes on him and gave him a death glare.

He simply answered you with a mocking wink.

****past anecdote*******

10 months before the Beast's attack :

"Are you okay ?" Connie asked as he approached you.
“Yes, it’s nothing… I had a bad landing on the tree and I sprained my ankle a bit I think…”
“You should avoid coming to the next training session if you get hurt every time.” Jean said.

You pulled him tongue in response. It’s true that it was an intensive training and your body often had trouble keeping up after several hours. It’s a good thing you went inside the walls to rest.

"I’ll put the equipment away. (Y/n) ? Are you sure you don’t want any help ?" said Armin, removing his weapons.
“No, it’s okay, I’ll go to my room and see if I can’t get a little bandage.”

You retired to the building after giving your equipment to Armin. For God’s sake… in addition to a twisted ankle you also had a nice abrasion that started bleeding at the knee. But you were too ashamed to ask others for help. You didn’t want to pass for a liability or a weak person.
Once you got to your room, you took off your jacket and your boots and started looking all over your drawers for bandages. But other than messy underwear, you couldn’t find anything convenient.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Yes ?"

You quickly closed your drawers and sat on the bed as if nothing had happened. Always save appearances.
But to your surprise (what a good surprise), it was the tall blond guy who opened the door.

“Excuse me for bothering you (Y/n), I heard you got hurt in training.”
"What ? Pfff... just a scratch, nothing serious." Unfortunately, you couldn’t hide the blood that went through the fabric of your pants. You realized that at the moment when his eyes went up to yours with an amused smile. "Yes, uh... it’s true…" you mumbled with a embarrassed face.
“If you want, I have bandages thick enough to keep your clothes clean.” he said, innocent.
“Ah… o-ok…”

But, why couldn’t you speak normally instead of stuttering like a child ? But on his side, it wasn’t better. He forced himself not to smile but the pinching of his lips proved that he was as uncomfortable as you. But if he was so uncomfortable, why did he come here ?
You landed on the mattress of your bed with a false sigh of relaxation. He took out a pack of bandage from his back, signs that he had prepared everything in advance, then came to kneel before you. You certainly didn’t expect it. If it had been someone else, you would have told him you could do it on your own, but well… he was probably better at dressing wounds…ahem…

“Can you… pull it up above your knee ?”

You did it after a slight nod. Why was it so warm in this room ? Again, if it had been someone else, there wouldn’t have been anything weird, but the fact was that as highly trained young soldiers, you didn’t have much time to fall in love. You yourself never date with anyone, you never really had time to think about it…
The roughness of his fingers contrasted with the softness with which he tried to bandage you. It was almost funny to see : a big guy trying to be thorough at work. He was only 17 and yet he clearly had the body of a man. His broad shoulders stretched the white shirt he wore, taking the shape of his well-cut muscles.
The room was plunged into awkward silence. You almost coughed to fill it but instead, you turned your head towards the window and saw two birds flying in the sky. The sky that seemed to extend to infinity… the overwhelming desire to know what the rest of the world was made of always kept you hoping for a better life… with those you love…

“Uh...hey, Reiner…” he lifted your head up from your knee and your gaze stuck in his. “… is it true that you will leave here and go home later ?"

Your voice was definitely sad. You knew he wanted to leave and it broke your heart…

“Uh…”

In front of you, he was completely lost. You could never have imagined everything that was bumping into each other in his head at this time. But the fact that someone asked him to stay. Let someone show him how much she cared for him. Him heart tightened instantly.

Spontaneously, his hand tightened on your knee and he pressed his lips against yours.

After a few seconds, during which you had not had the courage to send him back his kiss, he withdrew, his cheeks red with shame.

Chapter Text

The room where you were handcuffed was almost luxurious. If you had not been tied to the ground, at the foot of a desk, you would have enjoyed browsing the hundreds of books that adorned this room. It looked like an office with all kinds of mechanical machines.

You had been there for several hours and a thousand and one questions went through your head.

Was it really him ? Despite the bad memories, you tried as much as possible to remember the face of the bearded man that you had seen 4 years before but it was almost a lost cause… You only saw him for a few seconds and his face was distorted by the pain and steam that emanated from him.

Why did he bring me here ?

How should I behave ?

…

After a while, your wound stopped bleeding, a slight crust formed on it from not moving, but it started to itch. And hunger began to be felt too…

Then, as the sun began to set and you began to doze, you heard the door in your back open. You made the decision to stay as closed as possible to definitely listen to the slightest information. Key noises preceded those of a lock. The door slammed and was followed by a lead silence.

You could see in the reflection of the window opposite that it was the man from earlier. You saw him stop in front of the coat rack to remove his and roll up the sleeves of his shirt to the elbows. Then he paused for a while, during which he seemed to look at your form curled up on the ground.

As you folded your eyes on the reflection to try to see better, you set eyes on each other in the glass. You quickly lowered your eyes with shame, which made him laugh slightly. A deep and serious laugh. Then he finally came to sit on the desk chair that was right in front of you. This setup was relatively awkward, you were on the ground, a step away from him. He rotated his chair towards you, keeping his left arm on the desk and the other on the right armrest.

“I’ll introduce myself first if you don’t mind. My name is Zeke and I’m the leader of the warrior group.” The Zeke everyone was talking about ! That means he’s a warrior ! “I told you earlier that deserters were offered as slaves to the rich families of the city, but I recently decided to collect one myself.”

So that was going to be the rest of your life ? Being a slave to a freak like that ? You always refused to face his gaze, out of the question to give it any importance. If he expected to see you grieving or tearing, he was wrong. And in the face of your lack of reaction, he put his elbows on his armrests and leaned over you :

“I see you have a rebellious face, but believe me…” He leaned even closer. “…I’ll make you forget the urge to disobey me.”

That’s when you finally looked up at him. He was always so close and he may have been high above you, but you weren’t going to show any sign of submission. He was so close you could smell his cologne. Not unpleasant. And the fact that he leaned so far, left you a complete view of the opening of his shirt and, more precisely, of his pecs. It’s true he looked like an intellectual, and yet he must have been pretty damn good-looking. These few unwelcome thoughts came to make you a minimum relativize, or even comfort you (wrongly).

"I do not intend to obey you." you said in a calm but firm tone.

His blue eyes looked up at you, judging you with sarcasm.

"You seriously think you can win against me ?"

“It depends on what.”

He want provocation ? Then he'll get it. You had spent too much time being mute that a little interaction, as unhealthy as it may be, relieved you a minimum. But your words did not seem to dampen his ardour, on the contrary, he seemed more and more amused.

"Do you really intend to starve, tied to an office ? You will remain pathetic to death."

He made a point. You weren’t going to last that long and your wound had stopped bleeding, but it could still get infected. He saw you looking for an answer knowing, of course, that he was absolutely right.

“Just as pathetic as keeping a young woman at home against her will. You don’t have a wife to fulfill your weird fantasies ?”

He bit his lower lip. Your answers were clearly up to what he hoped. Because what he wanted was to not get bored and he got it right by taking you.

Finally, he stood up in his chair.

He looked at your wound (you followed his look) and moved. "Good night."

Of course, you were still too stubborn to ask him to come back and feed you. No. You let him leave the room through a second door without a look.

The night was going to be complicated.

But as you were brainstorming for a solution, you realized that the bonds that held you in place were loosening slightly.

Okay. Cool.

You were shooting at it like crazy. It was a knot made with a leather strap but you could see that it was already well damaged. The night had already fallen fortunately, so you will take advantage of this calm to find a way out. Or a weapon to go and kill Zeke. You can choose.

You struggled so much against your links that you made a too abrupt move that would reopen your leg wound. The acute pain went up your body and worried you more and more.

But after a while, the links gave way. You were afraid that the noise would bring your executioner, but it didn’t. But when you tried to get up, you collapsed on the desk. Your leg no longer had any strength, it was impossible to move without making any noise. Decidedly, fate has been against me…

You still managed to open one of the two doors. Unfortunately in the dark, you didn’t know which one you had borrowed. Anyway, there was nothing else to do.

You hung on the wall and walked along a corridor that seemed endless. But after a while, the pain mixed with fatigue started to just washed over you. You stopped in the branch of a wall and sat on the ground, completely exhausted. Quickly, a terrible headache immobilized you and forced you to close your eyes.

Slowly but surely, you began to fall into REM sleep…

"Hey (Y/n), is it true you’re dating Reiner ?" Sacha.

"Who said that ?" (Y/n).

“It’s Jean.” Sacha.

“Why are you telling this story ?” (Y/n).

“It’s not me ! I heard Ymir say it to Christa.” Jean.

“Here he is, we just have to ask him.” Sacha.

"Huh ?" (Y/n).

“Hey Reiner, are you dating (Y/n) ?” Sacha.

“Huh ? Uh… wh… what ?” Reiner.

“Frankly, (Y/n), I don’t understand why you like him so much.” Jean.

"What ?" (Y/n).

“It’s true, he’s a traitor after all.” Sacha.

"A traitor and a liar." Connie.

"A liar !" Armin.

"A traitor !" Eren.

“That’s right.” Reiner.

“Stop !” (Y/n).

“I’m just a liar.” Reiner.

“Stop !”

The air was so dry that every breath burned your lungs. Still those horrible nightmares… It’s been a long time since you’ve had it and you haven’t missed it…

But as you came to your senses, you realized something.

You were no longer in the hallway. You were again tied to the office and the sun was already beginning to shine. Did you really sleep all night ? And if that’s the case, that means Zeke found you and brought you here.

Besides, his cigarette smell reeked in the room and as you looked up, you found him sitting on his chair right next to you, with paperwork.

He definitely saw you waking up but pretended to ignore you.

The dehydration was such that you couldn’t even see clearly. And as you moved your body a little, a dull pain persisted again. Your leg was in such a state that you no longer felt it.

While hearing your camouflaged moans, Zeke still didn’t look away.

"You know you’re talking in your sleep ?" he said annoyed.

“Wh…what ?”

It wasn’t that hot in the room and yet your body was burning with fever. What did I say ?

“In the future, I would like it not to happen again. I prefer silence to work effectively.” he says in a firm tone.

"Then release me and you will be sure to be calm..." you grumbled between two big breaths.

“Ha ! You would die instantly if you got out of here. An Eldian who doesn’t wear a armband would be lynched in public at best.”

“And in your opinion, I have a better chance of survival by staying injured and tied up here ?”

"If you kindly ask for help, then yes. You may be an Eldian slave, but if anyone but me hurts you, I will have to intervene." He finally turned his head towards you. "You are my responsibility."

The sun in his back plunged him into the darkness, you could only distinguish his two glasses of glasses reflecting the white light.

It was half reassuring and half… uh… not at all reassuring ! What a humiliation. Being protected if you act like a submissive… You hesitated to spit on him, but the outcome of that conversation was obvious. Shamefully, you are running away from his gaze.

“I need something for my leg…” you mumbled.

He bent his ear towards you.

“I misunderstood.”

Even if it means you were humiliated, it is better to assume now. So you raised a head illuminated by sarcasm and a silly smile.

“I wish I had water, food, a shower and care.” You sneezed at his feet. “And a bunk.” He still doesn’t respond. "Please."

He stood up slightly against the back of his chair and imitated your mockery.

“Am I to conclude that you accept my rules ?”

“…yes.”

He finally sighed and put his papers on the desk before leaving the room.

He returned a few minutes later, with a tray of food in his hands.

From the beginning, the atmosphere was so weird. On the one hand, he had no sudden or violent behavior and on the other hand, he had a way of looking at you and talking to you as if he could explode at any time. Yeah, he was definitely creepy.

You didn't wait for grab the glass and drain the entire contents into your dry throat. Some dizziness took you long enough for your body to absorb the liquid and start to rehydrate. You released the cup with a soft hand before leaning back to the office, completely exhausted. That’s when you realized the extreme weakness of your body. A few drops of water seemed to heal all your wounds.

“You have 10 minutes to finish this tray, and then you have to go wash up, so don’t waste time daydreaming.” said Zeke sitting in his chair.

"There’s a fire ? Why just 10 minutes ?"

“To teach you discipline.” he said in an almost gentle voice.

He had clearly understood that behind your raw words and your menacing looks, you were scared in front of him. And he was playing with that.

In your condition, it was better not to upset him, you said to yourself. In a dead silence you began to devour the meat he had served you. You couldn’t help but think about Sacha… and the others afterwards. But this meat was different… it was much more tender and smelled less than the boars you hunted. The same goes for bread… The one you used to nibble on was often stale and had almost no taste unlike this one.

The 10 minutes went by so fast, you didn’t even have time to think of a plan to escape.

You were about to chew again in your piece of bread when Zeke’s voice stopped your gesture :

“Put him down or I’ll let you die from your injury.”

Each time, his voice was terrifying ! Alternating between delicately sarcastic and dry serious.

You let the food fall back into your dish, not even thinking about disobedience. You heard him sigh of approval.

"You can heal your wound but after washing. I don’t want you to get an infection, I’ve maimed enough soldiers like that.”

That last sentence froze your blood. You couldn’t help but think about Erwin… If it turns out this warrior with round glasses was really the bearded man you’ve been looking for for four years, it wouldn’t be his threats that would stop you from killing him.

The idea of asking him directly crossed your mind but it could reveal your real intentions. It had to be played more finely and since he was the leader of the warriors, you were bound to see the bearer of the Beast Titan at some point.

He stood up and held out his hand to you. Since when a master held out his hand to his slave, you said. But his imposing build deterred you from going in his direction. Then, while still avoiding his gaze, you caught his hot and rough hand and he pulled you straight towards him. As your wound restricted your own movements, you were unable to stabilize and collided with his solid torso. The fear of coming into contact with him made you put your hands on his shirt and push him away, but your sudden movement would have made you fall backwards if he had not grabbed your wrist.

After this strange sequence, you got right back on your feet. Glad to see you could still stand, you didn’t notice he kept his wide hand handcuffed around your wrist. When you saw this, you timidly looked up at him :

“It’s okay, I’m up.”

“I saw it.”

Yet he kept the eye contact and his grip slightly tightened. Fear continued to take hold of you. You were afraid to pull your arm, what’s to say he’s not waiting for this for hurt you ? And yet he still hasn’t done anything wrong… You really hoped that you were just being paranoid and that your instincts were wrong.

He eventually drops your hand and heads for one of the doors.

"Can you walk ?"

“Uh…of course…”

But as soon as you took a step forward you collapsed to the ground without repressing your cry of pain. Yeah it was shame. You heard Zeke approach and before you could lift your head, his two hands clung to your body to lift you up. This time, no matter how he could react, you couldn’t help but struggle.

“Let go of me !”

He had put one of his hands under your knees and one behind your shoulders to lift you up, but you put your hands on his chest and pushed him back brutally. Before you could escape his grip, his right hand violently grabbed your jaw, also covering your mouth with his palm. This movement, so sudden, was the first that you considered brutal. His grip was hard and his face closed instantly. He got so close to you, his blond hair tickled your forehead.

“Never push me away again.”

His voice was almost a murmur but it had the strength of all the screams in the world. You were again completely frozen. Like him, he was like an ice statue waiting for a reaction from you. Still with his hand on your mouth, you nodded, with slight tremors, up and down.

He slowly pulled out his hand but continued to look down on you. God… if Erwin had been there… he really wouldn’t have been proud of me. And I can’t even imagine Captain Levi. He would have laughed at me, but I’m sure Hange would have stood up for me...

A bit like a child, you realized that every time you were in a desperate situation, you were thinking about them.

Fortunately, Zeke finally backed away, but as soon as you caught your breath, he caught you again and lifted you up like a cripple.

The firmness of his muscles, pectoral and biceps, gave you the impression of being encased in his arms. Your head against his collarbone, you could still smell the same perfume he gave off. Really not unpleasant.

As he walked you through the hallway to the bathroom, you were looking at the floor with a lost child’s face. There was quick interest in you finding out who was definitely the host of the Beast Titan because you knew you couldn’t handle this for long. Zeke’s mood swings were clearly the most terrifying in all of this. He was as unpredictable as the titans you used to fight.

He brought you into the room. It was simple and clean. A single shower at the bottom and centered against the wall.

You jumped when he slammed the door behind you.

"I’ll give you 10 minutes." he said, crossing his arms on his chest.

“Okay…” You were going to turn around to take your top off, but when you turned your head towards the wall, you saw Zeke’s reflection in the mirror. He did not move. With an awkward silence, you turned your head towards him, with a dubious air. "… so... you can leave ?"

He tilted his head slightly, keeping his eyes fixed on you. The reflection of external light made the glasses of his bezel completely white, hiding his gaze.

“I’m not stupid enough to let you wander around alone in a room with a window that opens on the outside.” You froze on the spot. And had trouble realizing what he had just implied. No answer could come out of your mouth, so you just kept looking at him, horrified. "Only nine minutes. Need some help ?"

These last words made you turn immediately to hide the red that had fallen on your cheeks. Was he really going to stay there ? You pervert… and you knew, by the tone he used, he wouldn’t change his mind.

You grabbed the hem of your T-shirt and slowly removed it. It wasn’t particularly cold, but chills ran through your skin. At the same time, you realized that the room was full of mirrors. You saw your reflection and Zeke’s reflection all over the room. There was no point in turning his back on him, just turning his head to a mirror to see your face…

Still with fear in your belly, you began to undo your belt and open your fly.

“You have a lot of scars…”

My God. His voice. Abominable. It had stopped you in your movements and proved at the same time that he was looking at you. You were not at all complexed by the many scars that ran through your body but the fact of feeling the weight of his gaze on your back made you immediately regret all the wounds that had caused them. The nausea threatened to bring back the little food you had managed to swallow.

To chase away the macabre ideas that danced in your head, you took off your boots and lowered your pants to the knee. There, the wound clung to the fabric, bringing forth even more blood and ripping out a moan of pain impossible to conceal.

When you stooped even more to lower the garment at your feet, you heard a sort of sigh in your back. A long and deep sigh. This degenerate was staring at you and it made you sick. Completely locked in this room with this… this animal.

Yes, he must have had a beautiful view, you said to yourself, completely bewildered. For before him, no one had been able to see you so little undressed. Yeah, maybe one day when you got hurt along the abdomen and Hange asked you to take your top off and sew it back on. You especially remember the moment when Captain Levi came in carelessly and found you with Hange’s concentrated face 5 inches from your bare chest that you were hiding with your hands. The red that suddenly appeared on his face and the insult he spit out before slamming the door always made you laugh. And Hange also, she liked to tell this anecdote only to make her brother-in-arms uncomfortable.

But behind you, it was not Hange’s funny words. Nor Levi’s wise counsel. Or even less Erwin’s eloquent speeches. No, he was an indiscernible stranger.

« 8 minutes. » he reminded.

You finally took off your pants, ended up in your underwear in the middle of the bathroom.

“I-I’m going to wash like that.” You said by tightening your fists.

You heard him sigh again. It was not an annoying sigh, as those that Levi could do, but more an amused sigh.

"As you wish. Just be clean."

Too bad, you said to yourself. You’ll have to put your hands in your underwear but it’s always better than being completely naked in front of him.

You walked into the shower with hesitant steps. It was not very big and you had the impression that the three walls of it protected you from the man behind you, who had not moved an inch. There was a jar of gel for the body and one for the hair. You took care to turn around before opening the shower head and activating the water.

In reality, you were thinking about what you were going to do now because, like any good soldier going to war, you always had weapons on you. In your military green bra, you used to hide a blade from an old knife.

So we had to decide now. Get out of the shower and attack him by forcing him to reveal who was the host of the Beast, or wait for a more auspicious and less dangerous opportunity. Of course, you didn’t think long. He was a warrior. The slightest cut with your blade would physically turn him into a monster.

So you quickly threw away this idea but knowing that you were armed reassured you a minimum. You didn’t feel as helpless as you would have thank. Besides… it was Erwin who gave you this blade…

No matter what you thought, your mind always turned to your comrades. Your friends. Your family…

“6 minutes.”

Shit. Already ?

You sprayed yourself with water, in a hurry, that didn’t even have time to heat. Too bad, you used to take cold showers. But what you didn’t foresee was by taking the water, your bra took the shape of the blade you had hidden there.

Good thing you were on your back, and you’ll hide your chest when you get out and hope he doesn’t touch you.

You poured shampoo into one of your hands and raised your arms to start washing your hair fast.

Back against the door, arms crossed on his shirt and the look sticking out of his glasses, Zeke kept his eyes on the shape of your body that he could see through the mist. Oh, you’d better hurry up or he wil jump in the shower and scold you. He almost wanted you to be late even though the point was that you absolutely respect everything he said.

He knew that at first you were going to try to repel his authority and he had prepared in his head what would be enough to scare you and make you obey. He knew how frightening he could be towards young women and quickly noticed the slight tremors of your hands when he got too close. Each of your faults was good to take. He was going to exploit them to the fullest to have the most obedient slave of the whole regiment. His superiors will be jealous.

As he continued to fantasize about it, he would have sworn he heard a sigh coming from the shower. Even if he thought he had hallucinated, he could not hide the bulge that began to appear to his crotch, stretching the fabric of his pants. A slight bar of shame, which he had not anticipated, appeared in his throat.

He put his right hand in the pocket of his pants in the hope of stretching the fabric a little to camouflage the bump, but in doing so, his fingers touched his limb through the cotton fabric. This friction reminded him that despite the power he held in him, he was still human. A man. A man who, like everyone else, had needs.

But he considered himself above all that. Ironically, he said to himself that it was only the animals that responded to these low primitive instincts, not him. Not the Boy wonder. He was not against this kind of practice, but he couldn’t stand not being in charge. It was not a half-naked young woman in the shower who could tempt him… ahem…

To combat the urge to touch himself a little more, he looked at his watch, inspecting the clock. There were only a few tens of seconds left before the end of the 10 minutes and he rejoiced inwardly when he saw that you had not yet rinsed the body.

Because you ramble on about your loved ones, you didn’t know how much time you had left. At one point, you heard Zeke coughing a little and it reminded you of his presence, pressing you a little harder.

You grab the shower head to start rinsing yourself to separate from the shower gel that stuck to your skin. You crudely passed the jet of water on your torso accelerating the pace but the clapping of the man’s shoes against the ground froze you on the spot.

Of course, the time was up, but he didn’t tell you anything, he just came. Before you cut the water while you still had foam on your body, he suddenly opened the shower door. He grabbed you wildly by the wrist and pulled you out of the shower to throw you outside.

“It’s over. I put some clothes on you by the door. Get dressed.” he said nonchalantly as he stooped into the shower to put the knob back in place and turn off the water.

In the absence of a towel to wipe you, you hurried to grab the clothes he had laid on the ground. Foam and chills covered your bare skin, and you did not forget to press your hand against your chest to keep the blade hidden in your bra. The clothes he had chosen were a large light khaki green T-shirt and a slightly darker pair of pants. Nothing very pretty.

Once you put the clothes on, you turned your head towards him and realized that he continued to look at you as a tourist attraction. Straight, eyes fixed and a very light smile on the corner of his lips. The feeling of his hand on your wrist burned you again and the silences he loved to provoke made you terribly uncomfortable.

"Can I have shoes ?" you asked, thinking they were just behind the door.

“No.”

He gave no more explanation and did not give you time to think that he crossed the bathroom back to you to open the door. The fresh air that came out of it gleamed your bones, knowing that your hair was still wet.

You didn’t dare move without his permission so you stayed where you were. He just had to rotate slightly to the left to face you. But where many would have looked at their feet, you kept your gaze up towards him. By doing this, you hoped to make him believe that you were not afraid of him at all and that the situation made you completely indifferent. It would have worked if he hadn’t seen you swallow the ball that formed in your throat when his eyes met yours.

He again brought his face closer to yours, his perfume caressing your nostrils, with a neutral expression on it.

“I don’t know what you were trying to do last night, but what’s certain is that I always tolerate one mistake. Just one. Not two.” His voice was low and no higher than a whisper. “The next time I find you somewhere you shouldn’t be, you’ll understand why soldiers obey me so well.”

Your jaw tightened. He was only a few centimeters away but it was still thanks (or because of) your dignity that you refused to lower your eyes. Besides, if you did, you probably would have noticed the bump that still hadn’t disappeared from his crotch. Instead, you tried to ignore your fear and just nodded your head.

He replied with the same gesture and then withdrew out into the corridor.

"Come on." he commanded you, walking to the next door that led to his office.

You obeyed. The gel foam that had dried on your skin scratched a little in your neck and your feet already began to shiver.

He approached the exit door and grabbed his beige coat from the coat rack.

“I have a lot of meetings today so I’m going to take this opportunity to show you to the others.”

"The others ?"

Being shown as a fair object ?

"Yes. I told you that each superior had a slave so I have to show you to the other Marleyan superiors ."

Well, once you’re outside, you either find a loophole right away, or you stay with him and hope he talks about the warriors and therefore the bearer of the Beast.

But you quickly got an answer when he waved a metal necklace connected by a chain.

Are you kidding me…

He waved at you. But it was out of the question to leave this room with this around his neck. His eyes hardened.

“Come here, now.”

“I don’t want to wear that.”

You had to fight it, your honor depended on it.

“Okay.”

He then approached you in a determined move that made you step back until you contacted his office. His hand then seized your jaw and forced your head back to reveal your neck. Your low strength does not counteract the steel tool he forced around your neck.

"If you knew how others would treat you, you wouldn’t push me away so much.”

"I don’t care about others ! I don’t want to put that on !"

You gave a pretty powerful blow to his belly that forced him to arch and catch you more violently by the sides, his thumbs resting just below your bra under your T-shirt. At that moment, you immediately stopped struggling out of fear that found the hidden blade.

"If you keep struggling in front of others, they will be able to force you to walk around the building naked. Knowing they have authority over me, I won’t be there to help you, so just be quiet.” You wittingly relaxed your muscles to let him pass the collar on your neck. A click sounds and the weight of the metal pushed you slightly into the ground. After he had put it on, he grabbed the chain that was connected to it and pulled lightly on it. "Will you promise me to keep quiet ?"

"Mmh."

"Sorry ?"

He shot stronger.

"Yes."

Your low tone and not at all convincing sucked the last drop of patience that he had. With agility, his foot smashed the chain on the ground, dragging you into that fall with it. Your head crashed against the floor violently as he leveraged the chain to force you to stay on the ground. You immediately felt your ear swell after the impact and a small drop of blood flowed from your temple.

“I’m going to repeat myself again. You’re going to keep quiet, polite and helpful now, aren’t you ?”

“Fu…”

His second foot crashed against your head held to the ground. Impossible to refrain from shouting.

“You answer now.”

A whirlwind struck you. While clenching your teeth, you forced yourself to forget your dignity for a few seconds.

“Yes…” His foot sank even deeper. “Yes ! I’ll be quiet…”

“I am not convinced.”

“I… stop.”

You thought your head was gonna explode. The sole of his shoe was so hard it would certainly cause you a huge hematoma in the skull.

"Are you begging me now ?"

“Yes-Stop ! Please… I’ll be quiet, I promise… I’ll be helpful… and polite…”

Aah these words tore your stomach out, but they were enough for Zeke to take off his foot and shoot again on the chain to lift you up. With difficulty, however, you managed to recover, a long drop of blood flowing on your face.

"Good." He took out of his pocket a small handkerchief which he handed to you. "Here." With hesitation, you end up taking it and taking it to your temple to wipe the blood. "Let’s go."

His voice and gestures were immediately much softer. Of course, he pulled on the chain to make you move with him but it was only very light.

He opened the door and the sunlight dazzled you. It was really sunny today.

****past anecdote*******

A new intelligent titan had appeared. The Female Titan.

You, Jean, Armin and Reiner had chased her through the forest but had lost track of him after she almost crushed Reiner in her hand. At the time, you had felt your heart stop when you saw the blood splash from her fist. And you almost passed out of happiness when he came out cutting the titan’s fingers. After that, he fell to the ground while the Female titan disappeared between the trees.

You ran to him, totally freaked out.

"Reiner ! Are you okay ? You’re bleeding !"

He had returned to a sitting position, with steam escaping from his body half covered in blood. You threw yourself to the ground, raising your hands to his shoulders, shaken by heavy breaths, to analyze the slightest wound. But in the face of your growing anxiety, he gently grabs your wrist.

“It’s okay, nothing broken…thankfully…”

"What the hell, Reiner, what took you from running headlong knowing you had no chance !?" cried Jean as he got off his horse.

“It’s true, we should have gotten away long before … thankfully she left.” says Armin, with an anxious but thoughtful voice.

“I… I wanted to try something. I was wrong, forgive me.” admitted shamefully the blond.

From the corner of his eye, he saw you take your cloak off your shoulders and rub it on his blood-covered arms. His heart tightened. You were lovely.

“Well for now we have to move, the night will soon fall so we better find a safe place.”

You inherited your authoritarian Erwin's teachings. By listening to him give glowing speeches about the bravery and duties of soldiers, you had learned to take matters into your own hands when the situation was awfull.

"We could get into the trees." Jean pointed to a gigantic oak tree with many branches. "Who has any gas ? I have just enough for myself ”.

"So am I." said Armin.

You lowered your head.

“I have nothing left…”

“I have what it takes to get us both up.” You turned your head to Reiner. He got up. “Hold on to my straps if you want to avoid falling when I'll take off.”

Jean and Armin left their horses at the foot of the tree and took flight on the branches. Titans only care about human flesh, so they didn’t risk much.

The blond reached out to you with a reassuring smile.

“Don’t worry, I won’t let you down.”

A sigh of fun came out of your mouth.

“I hope so.”

You caught his hand in a fluid movement, as if you were used to repeating this gesture by training together. He pulled you towards him, taking care to not tearing off your arm, before stooping down and putting one hand on your shoulder and one behind your knees :

"May I ?" he smiled.

“Sure !”

He lifted you with a force you had been admiring for quite some time and activated his equipment to take off from the ground. By automatism, you had hung your fingers around his neck and placed your head against his collarbone (closer than you should have.) In his arms, you felt as light as a feather in view of the ease with which he moved.

You landed on the huge branch not far from Jean and Armin.

“We should wait here for the others and try to get some sleep. This chase finished me…” Jean winced as he fell on his ass.

“I agree, the Commander will find us soon.” Armin sat down against the wood.

You and Reiner did the same by sitting against the giant trunk, closer than Jean and Armin were.

Quickly, night fell and with it the freezing cold. Unlike you, Armin and Jean, Reiner had lost his cape and had to settle for his grey mid-long sleeve top.

Fortunately he could count your extreme generosity…

You discreetly brought your body closer to his and put your arm on his broad shoulders, holding your cape to cover him a little. It was probably because of the darkness of night and fatigue that Jean and Armin had not seen you. A sweet smile appeared on Reiner’s shivering face that grabbed your hand in his. It was huge compared to yours and you were surprised to feel the boiling heat of his palm despite the terrible cold of the night.

For comfort, you got even closer to him, your ribs were touching and his body heat warmed you up quickly. As time passed, you had the courage to place your head under his chin with an innocent movement, your ear stuck against his chest. And his heart was pounding. He was aware that you would notice it very quickly and it increased the rate at which he continually swallowed his saliva by embarrassment. Luckily it was dark otherwise you could have seen the red that had stained his cheeks up to his ears and the way he was biting his lower lip.

You were thinking about the last time you were this close, the time he kissed you in the bedroom while he tried to bandage your leg. It was amazing until Hange stormed open the door with about 20 bandages in his hands after hearing you got hurt. This outburst had ended the emerging intimacy that had settled but you had never spoken of it since. Too shy to talk about these kind of things…

But it was dark. And you really liked him. Now that you were practically in his arms, against his neck, you weren’t going to miss such a great opportunity.

So as he struggled to focus on the potential dangers around him, he felt you move a little. This touch, though light, reminded him of how close you were and he felt his hands become moist. But as he opened his eyes, he felt you raising your head towards him. So close, so close to him, so close to his mouth. Because of the darkness, he could not see what kind of look you were giving him at this time, but what he quickly understood was that this slight pressure on his lips was your work. You finally had the courage to kiss him your turn, right next to Jean and Armin. Your kiss was so shy, it took him a while to figure out what it was. You clumsily moved your lips against his while trying to imitate « the adults ».

To encourage you, he will tighten the grip he had on your ribs to bring you closer to him and kiss you a little deeper. He didn’t know anything about kissing either. Thanks to the night, your actions were passed over in silence and you could not even see each other’s faces. It was only touch. And while keeping your lips shy on his, you placed a hand on his torso, touching his pecs closely. As a matter of fact, he was incredibly muscular, more now that he was contracting his whole body because of the cold (and no doubt because you were pressed against him) his muscles were as hard as stone under your hands.

The longer the kiss lasted, the more you began to travel on his body, caressing the manly torso that offered itself to you. His hand on your ribs went down very hesitantly on the fat of your hip to bring you even closer.

Oddly (or not), the air around you had really warmed up, thanks to the friction between your two bodies, the cold was no longer a problem. And it was always with beginner’s hands that you started to feel the opening of his top to pass your hand under the fabric and touch his skin directly. As you touched him, his throat contracted and forgot to force himself to make the least noise and let out a moan.

At this time, you both froze, waiting for a reaction from your two comrades but none of them seemed to intervene. You laughed inside the situation, finding it both funny and exciting. But unlike Reiner, your movements became more and more direct. Once you found the collar of his top, you slipped your hand from top to bottom to get into this garment. This time he managed to tame the sigh that was beating in his throat but no longer controlled the beating of his heart that you could now feel under your fingers. When you caressed his skin with your delicate fingers, he changed angles and kissed you more deeply, holding you even tighter in his arms. This embrace was truly pleasant and reassuring.

His man lips open to grab your lower lip and suck it lightly. This initiative pushed you to explore even more the body you had in your hands by turning in front of it to press your torso against his. Your boobs against his pecs. When he felt the two mounds rubbing against him, he found it hard to controlling his erection for a longer period of time. You could have felt it if it wasn’t for that thick layer of fabric that made up hispants.

While one of your hands remained on the muscles of his chest, the other came up to caress his cheek. All your movements were so slow and so hesitant that it was cute. Two young people who dared not talk to each other and made small attempts to discover the body of the opposite sex.

“I’m tired of being a nanny.”

Captain Levi’s sudden voice startled you. Without bothering to understand what was happening, you separated, your lips still swollen with desires.

"Captain ! How did you find us ?" Jean roared on his feet.

“I just searched. And I wouldn’t have wasted my time if you hadn’t gotten lost in this forest like beginners.” He grumbled before being joined by the rest of his squad.

You laughed in your head. I didn’t waste my time…

Chapter Text

The air was much cleaner than the one in the office that smelled like cigarettes. These few seconds outside have managed to calm you down so that you can come to your senses and reflect on your main objective. You were indeed a spy. And you were going to discover (or rather make sure) who was the host of the Beast Titan.

“Well, Zeke, Boy Wonder .”

“Hello General Magath.”

The man who arrived was surely a high-ranking officer in view of his clothes. However, unlike what you imagined, he looked at you like a normal person.

"Who is this ?"

“I haven’t named her yet. I’ll see what works best for her.”

Although you lowered slightly as a sign of submission, you looked at Theo’s eyes. At first they looked like hard and even creepy, but a light compassionate glow was floating in his eyes. Actually, he kind of looked like Shadis.

"Will you go to the meeting ?"

“Yes, but before that, I’m going to go to the infirmary.”

“Good. Don’t be late.”

With that, the man left the hall.

"Why are we going to the infirmary ?"

“Because your leg wound isn’t going to close itself. And maybe you’ll get a bandage for your temple.”

You almost said thank you by automatism. But no. You will never say thank you to this guy who carried you around like a dog.

During the few meters you walked through the corridors, you could look through the many windows of the rest of the building. Analyzing every detail will always be helpful.

But as you looked through the largest window that littered the hallway, you saw a group of people on the other side of the building through another open window. And in that group… there was Annie and Pieck.

If one of them saw you, you would be executed immediately.

Before you put your mind in order, your head hit the back of Zeke who had stopped at one of the doors.

When you expected him to put you in your place by insulting you, he simply looked down at you with a mocking look.

The door was opened by an unknown woman who invited you in, but before you walked through the door, he whispered in your ear :

"Looking forward to meeting the warriors, huh ?"

You barely paled to what he had just said and all that it could mean was, that the woman closed the door behind you and then wiped her bloody hands on her apron.

“Sorry, sir, I didn’t expect you here.”

“It’s nothing, I’ll need you for her.”

He pulled you by the chain to move you slightly forward.

"What can I do ?"

"Take care of what you can before 10:00. I will come and get her by then." He gave the chain to the lady and looked at you without speaking to you. “Report any suspicious words or actions to me.”

"Will I have to act ?"

“No, I’ll do it myself.”

“Well, I’ll do what I can. See you later, sir.”

“Thank you.”

So, he left the room. The way they talked about you as if you weren’t there made you sick.

“You can sit here and show me where it hurts.”

You sat on the mattress that was on the floor. It was filthy like a good part of the room. You didn’t know what that woman was doing to get her hands covered in blood like that, but the gloomy atmosphere confirmed that you were in a slave-only infirmary like yourself.

You slowly pulled up your pants to reveal your wound. The pain was horrible.

"Do you have a name ?" she asked as she took out her equipment.

“Uh… no.”

She lowered herself on your knee and began to examine the wound with some sort of scalpel.

"You met Zeke’s superiors ?"

“I saw a man earlier.”

« Mmh, okay. » She put the scalpel in your flesh. Out of pride, you held back your cry of pain. "You’re lucky you only have this wound for now. Normally slaves go through some kind of ritual with Marley’s superiors.”

“A… ritual ?”

God, the pain.

“Yeah, the last one they brought me had his intestines crushed after a high-ranking official put a metal bar into him, you can imagine where.”

W… what ?

She tore off a piece of skin, this time you screamed.

“But … why did they do that ?”

“Because he disobeyed. They have power through fear, that’s normal.” She wiped the blood off your leg. "I pulled out a piece of flesh that could have been necrotic. You’re a tough girl, where are you from ?"

“From…a colony.”

"How did Zeke bring you here ?"

“I fought and was found wounded and brought here with other soldiers.” Why did you have to answer ? It could only get you in trouble… “Uh… Zeke ever had a… a slave ?”

"Not that I know of. It seems to me that he found that unnecessary and even bulky, but he had to change his mind recently because he doesn’t have much time left.”

Don’t forget, don’t ask too many questions, or you’ll raise too many suspicions.

"Is he a warrior or just the leader ?"

She stopped at your knee and looked up at you.

Shit.

“He's a warrior. Everybody knows that.”

"And, who are you ?" you asked, trying to calm the tension.

“I notice that Zeke hasn’t started dressage yet or he’s doing it very badly.”

"Huh ?"

“You talk too much.”

Sorry ? Either you don’t talk enough or it’s the other way around. You always felt like you were walking on eggshells here.

What does it mean ? His dressage ? What a horror.

You swallowed your saliva and kept your mouth shut.

“I’m going to stitch you up and it should be okay. Does it hurt anywhere else ?”

“On the head.”

You showed the cut Zeke made you earlier.

“It should be treated quickly.”

Her surgery session went on without any conversation. But getting stitched up by a woman reminded you again of Hange… damn it, you missed her so much.

While waiting for her to finish, you looked quietly around you in the idea of finding something that could help you. And it didn’t fail. You saw a hairpin in the bazaar next to you. Perfect.

You pretend to sneeze hard enough to arch yourself and grab the pin from the side. From where she was, the woman saw nothing. And hop. In the pocket.

She had finally finished and got up, checking the time.

“Well, I don’t have time to put it inside you, but next time you come here, I’ll give you a sponge.”

"A sponge ? Why ?"

She looked at you, weary and sad. Poor little girl, must have said to herself.

“To avoid getting pregnant.”

"What ?"

She told you no more and simply tidied up her equipment.

For your part, your heart panicked. Getting pregnant ?! It was to be expected but that someone come and tell you it like this, it was really hard to bear. Before you opened your mouth again, the door opened and Zeke entered.

"Well, how did it go ?"

“She talks. Too much if you ask me.”

EXCUSE ME ?

How dare she say that in front of you ?

Zeke’s potential reaction petrified you on the spot. He did not hesitate to look you straight in the eye with a false look of surprise.

"O, what did she say ?"

"She said she was from a colony, that she had been wounded and brought back with other soldiers here. She asked me if you were a warrior or just the leader, who I was and why she could need a sponge.”

WHAT ?!

Zeke pinched his lips. He almost burst out laughing. Not for what you asked but because of the look on your face. You were looking at the ground, bubbling with shame.

“I hope you answered her questions well.”

"I shouldn’t have ?"

“No, she shouldn’t have asked.” He took up your chain again and pulled straight at him, you fell to your knees, on your wound which did not open but began to bleed slightly. The woman looked at the scene without much interest by wiping her instruments. "Thank you Mariane. Let’s go."

"Goodbye." she replied.

You stood up, followed Zeke without thinking and lowered your head but bumped into him again. You looked up, puzzled, and found yourself a few inches from his face.

“That’s very bad manners.” he whispered.

Your eyes rested on the Mariana who couldn’t care less.

“Goodbye.”

It was understood that your voice was very controlled. You had to struggle between the desire to insult, interrogate and simply kill them.

You expected it to be enough but, as usual, Zeke did not move. Of course he was doing it to make you more and more uncomfortable. He was just looking at you while Mariane was putting her workshop away.

Your eyes came back to him. You wouldn’t crack first.

“Since you are very rude, instead of Mariane I will not give you a sponge.”

Arg... bastard.

Cold sweats flowed from your temple, but you won’t let it get you down.

“If we speak about pure politeness, you probably never had a sponge in your life.” you answered.

Mariane dropped a container on the floor.

How dare this girl talk to her master like that ? And it seemed he didn’t care !

But he didn’t care at all. He was speechless by your answer. A very good answer, if you hadn’t been his slave, he would have laughed. But the fact that someone else witnessed your impertinence boiled his blood.

“We'll leave you alone, Mariane.”

He didn’t wait for her answer to close the door and drag you down the hall with him.

It was gonna suck.

You put your foot on the hallway stones and Zeke’s hand literally grabbed your face to blow your skull against the wall. Your mouth was covered by his palm and it was able to choke your screaming of pain.

His second hand let go of the chain and smashed into your stomach. You spit a mixture of blood and saliva through your nose as your mouth was forced to remain closed. You started choking and coughing while struggling to find air. But Zeke’s physical strength was such that you couldn’t do anything except squirm in his hands.

“My patience is wearing thin.” He pushed a finger deep into your mouth to choke you even more. “If you ever…” You grabbed his shirt as a reflex to try to escape. "And I mean, if you ever start talking to me like that again in front of someone else…" He pushed a second finger that almost made you vomit the little food you had in your stomach. “ I will not hesitate to throw you naked into the officers' room.” He tightened his grip on your jaw and brought your face close to him. "Are we agreed ?" You fought to avoid biting him. "Are we agreed ?!"

At the light nod you made, he finally let you go. You collapsed on the ground without any force but absorbing as much air as possible.

As for him, he picked up the chain.

He moved fast, not even making sure you could follow him. You almost let yourself be dragged on the ground, but you finally managed to get back on your feet and keep up with his accelerated pace.

It didn’t last because you crashed to the ground a little further because of your many pains.

If the idea that he might pity you crossed your mind, then it didn’t work at all.

“Get up or you’ll regret it.”

You struggled, over and over again, against this omnipresent exhaustion to force you to get up but it was too hard. And he was mad with rage. You had caught up to the wall holding onto him but couldn’t catch your breath.

He approached you again, but this time without touching you. His mere presence imprisoned you between him and the wall. His chest grazed your shoulder.

You tried to calm your heartbeat after this adrenaline rush, but Zeke’s eyes and judgment maintained a constant anguish.

You had so much to say. Keeping all these questions to yourself was the worst torture.

Finally, you finally regain your mind, despite the presence extremely close to Zeke.

“Is it the fact that I’m talking to you badly or that someone else sees that I’m talking to you badly that makes you mad ?”

God, just shut up.

He approached until his mouth almost touched the shell of your ear.

“I’m starting to wonder if you’re stupid at this point. I had hoped you weren’t, but your stubbornness is bordering on idiocy.”

You turned your head to face him directly, your breath in his beard.

“We have at least one thing in common.”

No matter how much you’re going to suffer, you’ll never show a real sign of weakness. You’ll never bow your head.

You clenched your fists when he raised one hand, expecting him to hit you again but instead he put a lost strand of your hair behind your ear.

“You’re a remarkable player. Just be careful who you decide to play with.” He stepped out of your private sphere and picked up the chain. “To prevent you from doing any more damage, I’m going to leave you in a room next to the one where I have my meeting. I’ll pick you up afterwards.”

Is he going to leave me alone in a room ? The perfect opportunity to search.

You walk along the corridor until you reach a junction. Zeke knocked on the left door before opening it and shooting you in.

“Hi Zeke.”

Shit. There’s someone.

“Hi Roussbel. I have my meeting, can you watch her ?”

The fat man sitting at the table looked down at you with interest.

"No problem. Why don’t you take it back to your meeting ? It’s a chance to show her to others."

"It will happened, she just has to learn to behave. I’ve only had her for a few days.”

“If you need help, you know who to ask.”

Almost like you, Zeke hid a slight disgust in front of the man before giving him your chain.

"See you soon."

Then he left, leaving you standing and alone with this grotesque man. As soon as the door closed, he pulled the chain to bring you closer to him.

"What’s your name ?"

“I don’t have a name.”

“Tell me your real name then. I won’t tell Zeke.”

Yuck. He was as scary as Zeke, but the big difference was that he looked really disgusting. His posture, his smell, his voice, everything was repulsive.

“I’m not allowed.”

“I’m a Marleyan. You have to tell me.”

“I can't.”

Was he really looking for your name or an excuse to get you in trouble ? In any case, it was especially not necessary for someone to know your name because if it ever gets out, Annie and Reiner could hear about it and tell everything !

He fired on your chain.

"I decide whether you have the right or not ! Zeke is only an Eldian, I am his superior !"

“He’s in charge of me. You have to ask him first.”

Is it because he had never seen anyone say no to him, that he got so upset ?

He grabbed your wrist forcefully and drew you towards him. Since it was not a Titan, you were clearly not going to let it happen. The moment he brought your body closer to his, you grabbed his arm and pull it over your shoulder to send it down.

"You bitch !"

Probably because he was overweight, he struggled to get up, which gave you plenty of time to run to the door. You grabbed the handle but it remained closed. The man’s two big hands grabbed your shoulders and pulled you back, but with your agility, you managed to wrap your chain around his neck and placed your foot behind to leverage him back. But his hands remained in your clothes and they blocked you both in that position.

"I’ll kill you, bitch !"

You pinned his head under your arm, in your armpit, and started pulling as hard as you could. His breathless noises turned into suffocation and then agony. After a while, you heard a small neck crack and his body collapsed on yours. You fell with him, completely out of breath.

“Tell me that’s not true.”

Zeke’s voice startled you and you fell face to face with him. He must have heard the din and came back to see what was going on. His blue eyes had widened, perhaps with fear, and looked at you completely stunned.

“It’s him…” you tried to justify yourself.

He did not listen and went directly to the body of man. You got up in a hurry trying to get away from him while Zeke took his pulse.

He did not need to speak to show you that it was wrong. He slowly raised his eyes to you with a serious expression.

You didn’t dare finish your sentence because you felt like you were just a child making an excuse.

"What did he do ?"

“He… uh… he touched me… tried to touch me…”

"What did he do ?"

“He grabbed me by the wrist and brought me closer to him and…”

"And ?"

“And… that’s all…”

"That's all ?"

You felt all ashamed. Expressing it orally made you realize that killing him was perhaps a bit excessive. He was scolding you like a child and you couldn’t help but remember all the times you asked Erwin to stop talking to you like a kid.

“Yes…” you replied timidly.

He got up and sighed with annoyance.

"You have just killed one of the highest representatives of Marleyan a few meters from all the others who could sentence us to death. Do you realize that ?"

“…”

“Answer.”

“Yes.”

“If you were me, what would you do ?”

“Uh…”

"I rephrase: What should I do to you ?" You became pale. You thought he would have beat you up by now, but the verbal humiliation seemed even brighter. You would nervously triturate your chain, nailed to the spot by fear. "If you don’t answer me, then you're letting my mind run wild."

Without realizing it, you got closer to the office. He still did not move on the other side of the room but his gaze did not detach from yours which was becoming panicked.

“I’m sorry… I just defended myself…”

“You killed someone. Are you just sorry ?”

“You must have killed more than me because you’re a war chief.”

"And you think I’m hypocritical enough to say I’m sorry ?

"Ok, well, I’m not sorry at all ! He was a power-hungry bastard who thought he could do anything ! There !" you snapped.

He took a while without answering again. Only to watch you ridicule yourself in fear. He waved.

“Come here.”

You couldn’t. You were terrified by his psycho look.

Waiting for your reaction, he heard footsteps and voices coming up behind the door. Panic made you grab the windowsill behind you.

"We have to get out !"

“Come here. The Marleyan guards won’t come after me, so I suggest you listen to me if you don’t want them to execute you here.”

Reluctantly and in a spirit of survival, you caught the hand he held out to you. As your palm touched his, he pulled you against him with force, just before the door opened.

"Zeke ? What is that ?"

He raised one hand.

“Above all, I take full responsibility for what happened and the consequences.”

Your hands tightened nervously on his shirt, which you had seized under duress.

"That's mean you did not do this !" His eyes fell on you. "But she did !"

He painfully grabbed your wrist and tried to snatch you from Zeke. That was not counting the confidence with which your guardian grabbed him by the collar.

"That’s enough !"

"Magath ?"

"Zeke ! What are you doing ?"

They let each other loose. You were in the middle of it, completely lost.

“There was an incident.”

"An incident ? Roussbel is dead ! She killed him !"

Magath’s terrifying eyes set upon you. But before you answered, Zeke stepped in.

"It’s true, she did it and it’s my fault. We all know that. Take her back to my chambers and we can discuss the consequences among ourselves.”

“All right, bring her back. And put men behind the door.”

Young soldiers caught you to get you out of the room but you refused to move. The first thing you said to yourself is, are they going to execute him ? If so, it’s up to me ! You weren’t sure he was the Beast Titan, but you shouldn’t risk losing him.

"O, move !"

“Shut up.”

"WHAT ?"

Of course, you didn’t realize you were just putting Zeke in more trouble.

Before the other soldiers started beating you, he grabbed you violently by the arm and whispered quietly :

“I’ll be right back so shut up.”

He’s coming back. Phew. He better.

Even if it was to kill him, you were glad he came back, but what was really weird was that he told you as if he knew it made you feel better. Like he knew you wanted him to come home.

You were out of the room and brought back to his office. They chained you like this morning with your necklace and the padlock. The only difference was you had a hairpin this time.

You just had to avoid using it during the day to avoid getting caught. If you can get out at night, you’ll be able to find something about the Beast Titan.

You had to be patient.

After a while, as you began to nose down, the door slowly opened. Your head was facing the opposite wall of the door so Zeke couldn’t see your face.

He opened the door slowly without making any noise ? You took the opportunity to pretend that you were asleep hoping that he would pass without tormenting you.

He moved to the next door that led to the corridor as quietly as possible. Why did he bother to keep quiet ?

It doesn’t matter. In any case, he passed his way without paying attention to you, even if you had the impression that he had stopped for a few seconds to look at your sleeping form.

You waited until you heard the slamming of his bedroom door to start planning your escape.

At night, with the silence settled, you rushed to get the pin out of your hair and happy to see that it had not fallen. You shoved the little piece of metal in the lock of the chain that held you by your neck and reminded you in a loop of Hange’s advice the day she showed you how to :

“You see, (Y/n), you have to bend both ends of the bar to form a hook and push them into the bottom of the lock… like this…”

"And then we turn it ?"

She laughed and raised her index finger straight to heaven.

«O no ! A second bar is required to place it on top of the first one to leverage the inside and press the rotor inside to open it !”

“Olala… where did you look for all this… I don’t understand.”

“Or you do that.” Levi came out of nowhere.

VLAM

He gave a huge dry kick to the padlock that opened like a nut.

"Hey ! You broke it !" cried Hange.

«Haha I confess that this technique appeal to me more ! » you laughed.

“Now the next time you want to open the men’s shower door, just knock before you enter.”

“Huh ? We’re at the door of…”

"I chose it at random !" protested Hange, not without a smile.

Aah… every memory was hilarious every time you thought about it, but then you remembered that one pin wasn’t going to be enough… Unless you kicked it, but the lock was on your neck.

So you’d bite the pin into two little pieces. It was always better than nothing. You’ve been grinding the scrap for at least 30 minutes before you hear the CLICK that will loosen the chain, then the collar. With a huge sigh of relief and exhaustion, you took off the necklace and stood up leaning on the desk.

You thought about tearing up half the books and documents that were in that room, but imagining the noise it would make, you threw it out. Your attention quickly turned to the exit door in front of the office. The four meters that separated you from it seemed to be mined so much the noise of the floor resounded in the room.

You tiptoed to finally touch the doorknob with your fingertips. You wrapped your hand around it, turned your head to make sure there was no one behind you, and then turned it very slowly. You cursed every squeak emanating from the rusty screws but managed to open it enough so that your head could come out and check that there was no one outside either. That was the case.

Slowly, very slowly, you passed one foot outside, then one hand, and finally the rest of your body, keeping only your second hand on the handle.

You were going to take it off after you closed the door, but a heat hung on your wrist.

As you turned around, you fell in front of two beautiful blue eyes hidden in the darkness and felt a hand tightening on your arm.

“I said one mistake. Not two.”

****past anecdote****

“Wow, the Levi squad is really impressive.”

“Don’t dream Jean, you’ll never be a part of it.”

“Because you think you do, (Y/n) ?”

“Compared to you, yes.”

“Okay, let’s go out and compare our omni-directional mobility gear skills.”

“We get it, Jean, we don’t have to do this.”

"That’s right, defend your girlfriend, Reiner. If she can’t handle herself, you’re penalizing her the most.”

"Huh ? But-"

"He’s not my boyfriend !"

"What’s going on here ? Is it another love fight ?"

"Hange !"

“It’s okay, I’m kidding. By the way (Y/n), Erwin is asking for you at his office.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

You came out of the dining room not without glancing at Reiner who continued to drink from his glass to hide the red on his cheeks.

You walked into his office, he had his back to you, looking out the window.

“Good morning Commander.”

His warm smile reassured you.

"Hello (Y/n). How are you ?"

“I’m fine. And I hope it continues after for what you brought me into your office for.”

He laughs.

"No, don’t worry, there’s nothing serious. I just wanted to ask you about your relationship with the other members of the 104th Cadet Corps.”

"Ahh, it's very well. With everyone. Why ?"

"Are you sure you don’t find anything strange ? Whether it’s someone’s reactions or stories that don’t make sense ?"

“Uh… no, but if you ask me that, is there something going on ?”

“Yes… are you close to Annie Leonart ?”

"Annie ? No more than others. I see her almost more since she’s in the Military Police Brigade." He sighed with relief after that. "What’s going on, Erwin ?"

“It seems that… everything is converging on her. We think Annie Léonart is the Female Titan.”

"Huh ? Annie ? A titan ?"

"Yes. Armin came to me first and it’s true that the evidence is getting overwhelming. Don’t tell anyone, it’s confidential. I only have say it to those I trust completely. Armin, Eren, Mikasa, Levi, Hange, Mike and you. I’m reassured that you two are not that close. I was afraid it would hurt you.”

So everyone knew about it? It means that they are no longer suspicions but they are convinced !

“It’s nice to think of me. It’s nice to see you trust me.” He smiles. "Can I talk to someone else about it to get their opinion ? We may be wrong."

"Especially not. You could never have imagined that a young recruit would be the Female Titan and yet she is. Imagine that the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan are also in the 104th brigade, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

"It’s not possible. Okay, Annie’s always been weird, but I don’t see anyone else. Except maybe Ymir but she just has a terrible temper.”

Erwin stood up and grabbed you by the shoulders.

"Swear to me that you won’t tell anyone and don’t let anything show through even if it’s very hard. You can’t trust anyone, you understand ?"

“But…”

"In person. Okay ?"

“…okay, Commander.”

“Good.”

He sat down on his chair, sighing with fatigue.

"And what do you have planned to catch her ?"

“I’ll talk to you about it in due course, but don’t worry, everything will be fine.” He started putting documents scattered on his table before mumbling : "By the way, is it true that you’re dating someone from the squad ?"

“What ?! Not at all ! It’s… uh… As a soldier, it’s better not to engage in a relationship or you risk hurting the other person if you die in battle.”

He laughs again.

"You don’t have to follow my example you know. It’s not like you’re married. But don’t forget, never trust anyone.”

"Even you ?"

“… Even me.”

Chapter Text

“I said one mistake. Not two.”

This time it was not fear but terror. He pulled you with monstrous force towards him and closed the door so hard behind you that the noise made you escape a cry of surprise.

He grabbed you by the wrists and tackled them to the wall against which he had pinned you. His chest crushing yours and his nose almost stuck to your cheek as you turned your head to the left to avoid his gaze.

“How clever. I really underestimated you with these chains.” He grabbed your chin and pointed your face towards his. His nose touched yours. His presence and his body enveloped you completely. "Twice in a row you ran away, I learned my lesson. You’ll never sleep alone again.”

"Let go of me !" you cried at last.

“I’m going to chain you to me 24 hours a day if that’s what you want. I won’t let you out of my sight.” Before he could finish his sentence, you kneed him in his crotch, which finally made him back up but still not let go. In the action, you looked up at him and his facial expression terrified you. Was he angry ? Maybe, but in this case, angry people have learned to smile like degenerates. An undisguised excitement danced in his eyes as he returned to you against the wall. "I would like to be sure of one thing. You really intend not to obey me ?"

His words disgusted you for some reason. As if to imitate Levi, you placed your heel behind his and pushed him through the torso so that he fell backwards. And it worked. It worked but you fell with him, so on him. And with that, a metallic sound rang in your ears. Now on the ground and one on the other, both of you turned your heads to what had attracted your attention. And your eyes were on the little blade you were hiding in your bra, and it just fell on the floor.

Almost speechless, it took you a few seconds to understand the situation but you didn’t have time to finish gathering the pieces in your head that Zeke grabbed you by the neck and threw you under him.

“Oooh… so there… you don’t know what you triggered, my pretty…” he laughs, again jamming your arms above your head.

"I told you to let go of me, you sick bastard !"

He laughed at you.

"That’s it, keep insulting me..." You tried to kick him with your knees but he blocked your legs with his by standing between them. The privacy barrier was now 100% violated. "But why are you trying to fight, knowing that I can kill you in no time by turning me into my Titan ? You’re so cute."

Everything. Everything disgusted you. But he was telling the truth. It was your instinct to fight, but it wasn’t Jean, Armin or Sacha in front of you. If you wanted to survive, you had better do everything he told you and that thought made you sick.

Even more so when, without warning, his mouth plunged into your neck. You have always known violence, but never sexual violence. The sensation could have been pleasant if he had not transformed this light kiss into a hyper painful hickey. He had let go of your wrists to come and catch you between his two forearms which he stuck on the ground. By reflex, your body contracted against his, your hands grabbed his shirt and a moan barely repressed out of your mouth.

The hickey was so slow that you had time to back to your senses and feel this large body stuck on yours. Under your hands, groping randomly to find a loophole, you could feel everything. The firmness of the muscles of his back, the tendons of his arms, the veins coming out of his forearms and especially the immense heat that he released. His beard made you squirm under him because of foreign friction. His body completely covered yours with his head hidden in your neck and jis pecs pressed against your breasts. You remembered very well the last time you let someone touch you like that… decidedly you only attracted assholes…

He sucked that sore skin, smelling a little bit of shower gel, sucked it so hard that every time he’d have fun pulling it a little, he could feel your body tightening against his. Then he did not hesitate to do it several times, savoring each of your moans of pain (or pleasure).

Once he felt your body completely at his mercy, you had stopped trying to push him away or trying to escape, he dropped your skin which had become blue and wet with saliva.

"Children must be taught frustration." he whispered in your hair. "If you don’t punish them, they don’t learn." He continued, lowering one of his hands to the hem of your shirt. “You’ll understand that I have to make sure you don’t have any other weapons on you ?”

Panic took place. You let go of his shirt to catch his wide forearms. Your hands were ridiculous beside his. But he held on.

“Come on… wouldn’t you like me to turn ?” he said sarcastically.

If only he were just human !

Completely trapped, you were forced to left his arms and drop your hands on either side of your body, leaving it at Zeke’s disposal. You hoped, from the bottom of your soul, that by seeing your submission, he would release you. But it was too late.

“Good girl.”

Jesus, his words were poison to your eardrums.

But the threat of his hand materialized when he pulled your T-shirt over your bra, touching your chest with his calloused fingers. His warm breath contrasted with the fresh air of the room. He warmed you up in spite of you.

Zeke lowered his face on your shivering chest. He did not hesitate to slide his nose on your straps only to see your face grimace with fear and to raise the pressure. His first hand grazed your body on each side, gently caressing your skin to see the chills reappear. His second was left in a fist next to your head to support his weight on you.

You dreaded so much that you felt your knees tremble and contract your toes out of sheer anguish. He saw the effect he had even then that he had not yet touched you too much, but this vision of you, who was usually combative and proud, now become all shy and terrorized in his hands filled him with extreme joy.

“I guess you never did this.”

"F-Fuck you !" you spit.

“Thanks for offering.”

His mouth came back into your neck to pull the piece of skin he had left earlier. Again, your anatomy contracted against his and you moaned about it.

But you aligned his words. You couldn’t do that… not with him. Anyone but him. Please. You’d almost beg him if your pride wasn’t so tenacious.

Yet he looked determined. Even more so when his mouth went from your throat to your still-clothed chest. He took the opportunity to bring his knees towards him, blocking them under yours, so that he could support himself without using his hands. And his two hands hurriedly grabbed your breasts. The sudden movement made you realize that it was going to happen, no matter how much you could defend yourself.

He grabbed them and pulled them up to bury his face between them. You saw his nose disappear between the two masses of meat that formed your chest as his fingers dug in. Yours flew to his hair to grab his head during the friction.

His beard itched but tickled you a little too. Shortly after he put his face there, you felt a damp warmth caressing the valley of your breasts. His tongue. Like the rest of her body, she was wide and powerful, but most of all, confident. He lapped the skin that your bra did not hide, while alternating between kisses and slight bites.

In fact, he was doing it right. He was doing it really well. And on your side, your little experience in the field made you sensitive to everything. You remembered the awkward attempt you had with Rein… with another boy but it was far from the strong grip on your chest, from that exploring tongue and those caresses placed in the right places to make you moan. It was so much more mature.

Before going any further, he stood up lighlty and took you off the ground to put a hand in your back. In an effective movement, you heard the hook of your bra open. Your straps were now flabby on your shoulders and he wasted no time pulling it up to expose your chest a few inches from his face.

A stab-like pain in your stomach took hold. The cold of the room instantly made your nipples point under Zeke’s sharp eye. He looked, almost thirsty, at the skin that was revealed before him. He licked all that tissue of flesh again before finishing his run on one of your buds that he instantly sucked out.

It was just your nipples you said to yourself, and yet intimacy was totally raped. The fact that he used his mouth on you was like a hold. He took what he wanted.

As he continued to frenetically lick your breasts like a dog, he spread your legs with his own, jamming his knees under your thighs, forcing you to raise the pelvis against him.

He lowered his hands, still with his mouth connected to your chest, towards the base of the pants he had given you. For now your fingers were still hanging from his shirt that you could have torn so much you were pulling at it. You needed to hold onto a few things, anything. His chest was over you, it was impossible to get him away from your body.

When he reached your pants, you moved your legs under him so that, in case he hadn’t yet understood it, you were in no way agreeing with what he was doing. But it was more for you than for him, you could never look yourself in the face again if you accepted so easily what he was doing to you.

His fingers grabbed the hem above your buttocks and pulled on it, revealing more and more your shivering skin. Your grip was only tightening on his shirt, which slightly revealed the top of his own pecs.

He quickly lifted two of his fingers to his mouth and smeared them with saliva before redirecting them to your still veiled sex. Your breath was cut at the first touch of his rough fingertips that he had passed through your panties to touch your lower lips. He first touched your folds to prepare the place and cover them with his saliva for comfort.

Comfort.

Despite the barbaric act, he was careful to be delicate and gentle, which was almost worse than otherwise. In fact, he didn’t want to please himself but only terrify you, humiliate you. And it worked perfectly. If there was one area in which you were in uncharted territory and therefore likely to be frightened, it was sex. It wasn’t with the theoretical lessons of Hange and the kisses you shared with Reiner that were going to give you enough experience to build your confidence.

With a slowness that made you sick, he gradually pushed his large middle finger, forcing your virgin walls to open for him. He contracted his finger up to start gently masturbating you. You turned your head to the side to hide your shame and the physical pleasure it began to feed. You clench your teeth trying to think of abominable things, like aberrant titans, but every time you managed to forget the situation, his palm rubbing at the same time your clitoris reminded you of his presence.

He heard a very small moan from you and noticed that you were doing everything to keep him. Ooh… You weren’t going to hold him for long, he thought, with motivation. He will make it happened.

The sensation was unknown and unfortunately tasty. It wasn’t with your little thin fingers that you could get pleasure yourself like that. He did it better than you. And from the outside, he looked more like a doctor scrutinizing a patient, given the care he put into it.

He made mechanical and regular movements taking into account the moments when he felt your vagina contract involuntarily on his fingers. He pressed more and more on the exact spot that seemed to cut off your breathing.

The cry you were holding back until now escaped you when he pushed his index finger next to his middle finger. With his two fingers, he touched a point on the top of your walls that made you lift your legs in a weak movement of rejection. In the face of your slight response, he accelerated the rhythm of his fingers which, this time, prevented you from holding back longer. Every time he came and went, you let go of the little moans that he took as encouragement to go further.

"Stop... you’re hurting me." you lied.

Against all odds, he stopped the movement of his fingers. You opened the tearful eyes to see her neutral face, the eyebrows very slightly raised.

"I'm hurting you, you say ?" None of your lies were going to convince him of anything except that you liked what he was doing. He had seen the stealthy raising of your hips and the way your walls were tightening around his fingers. "Fine..."

He removed his fingers with a wet, obscene noise, ripping out a new moan. His body moved to your legs to spread them lazily and position himself between them. You saw him kneel down and put your left leg on his right shoulder before he approached.

Just because we never did it to you doesn’t mean you didn’t know what it was. Hange told you that we often use the mouth to give pleasure even in this place. Of course you did not know at all what sensation it would get you and that is why you did not manage to hold back your cry of surprise at the first blow of tongue that it gave against your folds.

It was so soft that you felt like you were rubbing against silk. It was until he wrapped his hand around your thigh and started to give a new blow of tongue this time, right on the swollen nerve node. It was like an electric discharge, your body involuntarily contracted in his grip and your hand flew to his hair.

You were afraid he would reprimand you for it, but the next licking he gave you proved that he accepted it. Maybe he liked it. And he continued, at first the pace was very slow so that he could hear and feel every sound you made, and then he ended up sticking his mouth all over it to devour your crotch.

Despite the gesture that might seem wild and brutal, the sensation was so soft. With each new tongue stroke, subconsciously, you pulled his head even closer by forcing on his hair. Each breath was tinged with concealed and shameful pleasure and caused a contraction of your abs. You put your head against the floor as he wrapped his swollen, soaked lips around your clitoris to suck it.

The feeling was so powerful that you pulled harder on his hair, which in turn made him moan against you. That doesn’t mean he was going to stop. No matter how much he licked and swallowed all the fluid that soaked your orifice, it flowed endlessly between his lips. He could feel the liquid mixing with his saliva dripping down the floor through his dirty beard. Then he dropped your legs and you saw him bring one hand to where his mouth was still active and another hand much lower.

First he plunged in without any other preparation, his middle finger between your folds, resuming his place, then you heard a metallic noise follow. While he was screwing you with that finger, he took the opportunity to undo his own belt and open his fly. You could not see below, but the grunt that he made, informed you that he had indeed begun to masturbate with his right hand while the left accompanied the movements of his tongue in you.

This infernal mixture locked you in a dark fog of desires where all the moral barriers began to shatter. You had never been able to feel that way until now and that intense pleasure was within arm’s reach. His movements were very mechanical but adapted perfectly to you according to your desperate sighs. He pressed his middle finger right where you had previously screamed knowing the effect it had on you, and then rubbed his tongue up and down on your nerve.

The reaction did not wait, even if you tried to hide each of your sounds, your body forced you to scream. Your two hands squeezed his hair so tight that he felt like he was choking on your crotch. A powerful wave of pleasure began to peck your belly, it was one of the signs that you were approaching the dreaded orgasm that he took care to prepare you. You knew that was what he wanted and especially that he would not let anything go so that you would give in and cum in his mouth. But that thought was so humiliating...

He had been at work between your legs for many, so many, minutes and although he savored every quiver of your body upon contact, he felt his patience diminishing. So much so that he had to put his hand in his pants to relieve himself a little. He had no doubt about his performance in this area but the fact that you resist so much had made him redouble his efforts. But even if he had to spend all night there and have jaw cramps, he’ll get you to come.

At first he didn’t plan it at all. He knew that at one point you will reject his authority and he planned to “just” fight or starve you. Not something sexual. But when he saw you gesticulating under him, mocking his threats and hiding a weapon in your bra, he couldn’t help it. He knew how bad it was, but with everything he’d already done, it’ll only add another flaw.

The tears pricked but you struggled to keep them in your eye sockets. There’s no way I could shed a single tear for this asshole. Even if it was just tears of shame. And the humiliation was so long. He won’t stop. So you thought it was better to end it. Anyway, at this point, you knew there was no point in pushing the deadline.

The moment you said that to yourself, he took his mouth out a few seconds of your sex to come and rub your genital juice on his hand by pressing his palm against your folds. He used this new lubrication to start masturbating again taking care to put his mouth back where it was. His fist, smeared with your fluids, fucked him harder and harder.

That single vision was enough to get you wet even more than you were. And wet on him… that was the real torture. So you forced your mind to get wet on someone else… And unsurprisingly, the only person who has managed to turn you on so far is Reiner. Thinking about him was almost as painful as thinking about Zeke but there was no other choice.

You forced yourself to be selfish and to think only of your primary and personal pleasure. You didn’t have to look far into your mind to remember his muscular, sweaty body after training. How his T-shirt perfectly embraced the hollow between his abs to highlight his belly. How he took off his T-shirt in front of you after the effort, pretending that the sun was going to give him tan marks. How he kissed you with those lips that warmed you up against his trees. How his big hands found their way to your generous hips and squeezed them as if his life depended on it.

You had so much in mind what these hands could do to you. What would be the effect, if he had used his mouth there too. What would be the effect if he were just masturbating between your legs looking at you like a wild beast…

Your heart tightened when you realized that all these thoughts brought you back to Zeke again. There was no one else at this time. He was the one who kept eating you. Alternating between a long tongue blow from bottom to top on your opening, and frantically sucking your clitoris. All this, always accompanied by this finger which he had joined by another to reopen you.

Too bad.

That's how it is.

Shit, that's how it is.

You accepted the situation. He had a shirt a little open, stained with your juice and his saliva. With his body that seemed to sculpt in stone, the beauty of his face, of his eyes, the way he touched you and the way he touched himself made you sick.

You accepted all that, knowing he was one of the worst assholes you ever met.

When he heard your breath loosening and your hips hitting his face without any restraint, he understood that he was close to the goal and accelerated the speed at which his fingers pressed on the place that made you dream. He even gave up his own masturbation to grab your second thigh and hold you in his hands while you succumbed to the pleasure.

Like a broken rope, your moral barrier broke in your head. Nothing mattered any more except the immense stroke of electricity that springs from your sex to shake your whole body. The orgasm you had retained the longest of your life was also the most intense. All your muscles contracted while the pleasure exploded in your belly.

Feeling your walls closing on him, Zeke pushed them even more with his two fingers, making a way the deepest he could in your vagina until he reached the end of his phalanges. His mouth did not leave his favorite place, and his lips imprisoned your knot of nerve that was always panicking against his rough tongue.

He would have liked not to come but the moment he heard your scream that was not at all hidden, the simple contact between the head of his dick and the wooden floor was enough to make him forget the limit he had set himself and triggered his release. So as you continued to lose yourself in your pleasure and to push his head between your legs, his hand returned to his limb to enjoy as much as possible the incredible orgasm that had also been given to him.

At the same time as your waves of pleasure diminished more and more, your grip in his hair loosened and the squirts he threw on the ground accumulated to form small puddles of sperm on the ground while he moaned with a deep and sensual voice.

You had closed your eyes all along, completely lost in your shameful fantasies. However, your breaths returned to normal after a few minutes of silence. After he came down, Zeke had laid his head on your thigh until his heart stopped beating so hard against his ribcage. You let him do that until you got your mind right.

Now it was done. And you have to live with that. With that secret.

Even when you find a proper breath, none of you moved. You were lying on your back, arms apart on each side of your body. He was avachit on your thighs which he took like a pillow, his cheek resting on your skin moistened by exertion.

"You deserve to die." You tried to fight your mad desire to cry.

He let a little silence pass by looking into the void before answering.

“That’s true. You can’t imagine how right you are.”

His voice was … the same tone as usual but you could see a small break at the end of his sentence. A certain sadness to tell the truth.

Yet you stand there, in the same position, the smell of sex hovering over you. You were looking at the white ceiling and praying that it would fall on your head and wake you up from that nightmare, and you were thinking about the others… about Erwin. What would Levi say if he found out about this ? What about Hange ? They would turn their backs on you and tell you how dirty and despicable they thought you were.

"Don’t disobey any more." said Zeke, sitting on his butt before looking at your depraved body on the ground. "I don’t want to have to do this again."

Then he finally got up and quickly walked into the bathroom.

You could have taken the opportunity to leave because the door was unlocked but your numb body refused the idea. And what were you going to do outside in this state ? Soaked everywhere, tears on your face and a new trauma. The only thing you did… was pull up your pants.

Zeke returned however, wiping his hands with a wet towel. He picked up the chain from the ground to store it more on the side to avoid cluttering the path. You didn’t look at him but feel his presence coming closer.

“Go to the bathroom and clean up. 5 minutes.”

With the knotted throat and painful tears in the corners of your eyes, you rose feebly on your numb legs. You quickly found your balance to head to the bathroom, he behind you.

You entered the room which he hastened to close before reminding you of the time allotted. As if you switched to automatic mode, you no longer think about how to get out of it or anything else except washing up in five minutes. So, just after putting them back in place, you took off your clothes while keeping your underwear.

Zeke looked away this time. He did stay in the same place but he didn’t look at you as if your punishment had been high enough like that.

You put a soapy hand in your panties to cleanse yourself of all this impurity, while noticing how your parts were still swollen with desires.

This time, you got out of the shower before the time ran out. Almost surprised, Zeke handed you a towel.

Once dry and dressed again (with new fresh clothes), he opened the door and asked you to pass by.

"To the bedroom."

Three. Worse. Words. In the world.

You clumsily walked to the room at the end of the hall and slowly opened the squeaky door. However, the room was really beautiful. Simple, tidy and clean. Gee, you’d think Levi had been there.

You took three steps forward and heard the door close behind you. Zeke then walked around you, revealing a new necklace.

"Put it on."

You would have insulted him. You would have hit him. But no. It was impossible after what had happened. You were so shocked that you didn’t really realize the gravity of the situation. You were like a zombie.

You lowered your head so that he put it on you correctly and you heard another click.

Padlock or not padlock, you had no intention of running away tonight but indeed, you were indeed without a way out.

There was always a chain at the end of the necklace that he hung on the edge of his bed. If you moved too much, the sound of metal would wake him up for sure.

"Now sleep and I don't want to hear you."

He’s already yelled at you, humiliated you, beaten you, but this is the first time he was  icy with you. Usually there’s this famous break time that he marks by looking at you to make you uncomfortable or weird jokes or even provocations. But at that moment, he wasn’t even looking at you. Pointed at the bed and barked his no-second-degree order. Oddly… you liked him better before… Even when he was just weird with you, at least you could react. There you had the impression that the slightest wrong breath and he would just kill you on the spot.

You got up on the bed, in the middle of the metallic din, and hid yourself under the duvet without daring to look at him.

On his side he stepped out of the room. You could have sworn you hear him speak alone but could not understand what he was saying. In any case… it was certainly not sweet words given the tone used.

Then, the minutes passed. At what point would someone in your situation could sleep ?

Yet the bed was very comfortable, fresh but welcoming, embracing your whole body as if to give you a hug. A hug… just a hug… Who was the last person I hugged ?

I’ve done plenty in Hange for all the times she stood up for me with jokes.

I’ve already done it to Armin to encourage him in difficult times.

Haha… I already did one to Levi… When Historia became queen and she hit him, I knew it wasn’t that that would bother him the most, but the exact opposite. A nice and adorable hug. And I saw right under his cold eyes, you could see the red on his cheeks.

But the person I’ve done it to the most is Rein…

…

Erwin.

This is Erwin.

“Erwin…” That’s when your body cracked, causing you to cry frantically : “I hope you didn’t watch this…”

****past anecdote****

Annie was finally exposed. She was indeed the Female Titan. You still couldn’t believe it.

Captain lost his entire team when she was captured. Although he seemed to pay no attention to it, one day you surprised a discussion between him and Erwin in which Levi openly reproached the Commander for his lack of communication. You opened the door when he said : "We’re never gonna make it if you kill the few soldiers who are competent enough to kill these trash."

It reassured you that he had a heart and especially a critical mind. For from an external point of view, he adored the Commander without appearing to oppose him. So much so that you had discreetly asked Hange if there was a slightly shady story between the two. Which, of course, she burst out laughing and she told you if that were the case, that would explain why Levi didn’t seem to interested in her.

Anyway…

Since that day, he started coaching your group to select a new team. And unlike Shadis, he didn’t hesitate to beat you up if you had the misfortune to forget to clean the equipment after training. Only Eren was almost blameless on it.

"Form groups of 2. Hurry the hell up." the Captain ordered, with his arms crossed over his chest.

Without having time to think with whom you would put yourself, Reiner stood next to you, completely forgetting Bertolt.

Eren and Mikasa.

Reiner and (Y/n).

Ymir and Christa.

Armin and Bertolt.

Connie and Sacha.

Jean and... uh, well, nobody.

"What !? Hey Armin, I thought we were in the same group ?"

“Sorry but Bertolt was all alone then…”

“Bertolt alo-ah yes, it’s because Reiner puts friends ahead of friends.”

“Relax Jean, since you’re all alone, you’re going to team up with Captain Levi.” you said.

"Huh ?"

“Yes, each duo is going to face another duo. Fight only hand-to-hand.”

"We’re going to face (Y/n) and Reiner not true, Captain ?" Jean jumped at the opportunity.

"Hey, that’s not fair ! It must be randomize !" you replied.

“Don’t worry (Y/n), teach Jean a lesson, I’ll do what I can against the Captain.” said Reiner with one hand on your shoulder.

“Are you sure ? You’re going to be slaughtered…”

"Rectification, you are both going to be slaughtered. Again, it’s 2-on-2, so I can take care of both of you at the same time.” Levi corrected.

“Nice knowing you, Reiner.”

“It’s reciprocal.”

Mainly thanks to Mikasa, his duo with Eren quickly defeated Ymir and Christa.

Despite their agility, their slight immaturity caused Connie and Sacha to lose against Armin and Bertolt.

And finally, Jean didn’t really get a chance to practice. Every time (Y/n) approached him to hit him, Captain Levi sent her to bite the dust. And even in the face of Reiner’s strength and determination, their superior had no trouble repelling them.

"Ha ha, we beat you to death !" cried Jean.

"You good for nothing, you did nothing. Captain, this exercise is supposed to make our team spirit work, but horsehead hasn’t helped you once.” You say when you get up as best you could.

"Although I share your opinion, you better take care of your own duet. Reiner tried every time to take the hits for you as you rushed headlong without thinking about him.”

“Hey, it’s a change of habit since you talk to us all the time about him.” Jean said.

VLAM

Levi didn’t even bother to save him from your terrible kick in his face.

Defensive reflex. You were red as a tomato. Reiner, who was in the same condition, coughed slightly.

“With the number of times you’re asked to shut up, I still don’t understand how you don’t learn your lesson, you asshole.” You spit on the young man.

“Okay, let’s switch. Come on.”

That was gonna be as hard as the last one, you were against Eren and Mikasa.

"I have an idea." the tall blond whispered to you. "Mikasa goes crazy when we approach Eren. So it’s best to leave him alone for now and focus on her together.”

“Alright !”

Well, the plan didn’t work very well. Eren was a real mad beast, impossible to ignore him. At first you started to do well against Mikasa but when Reiner grabbed the brown guy, the Japanese girl threw you to the ground.

In the end, it was Eren who came out with the most injury but it was because he was a hothead.

“Hey (Y/n).”

"Yeah, boss ?"

"Your methods of fighting with Reiner are rather well synchronized and complement each other quite well. In the future, if you come across a Titan, feel free to kick his ass together.”

Surprisingly, it made you really happy. It was hard to hide your smile from the Captain's remark.

“Ah ok… even if I don't need someone to kill a Titan.”

“Tch, that’s it.”

With that, he left.

"What did he tell you ?"

“He said he thought our duo was pretty good.”

“O-oh.. hum cool.”

"(YYYY/NNNNN) ! Erwin is looking for you !" called Hange in the distance.

“Well, I’m going. It was nice to train with you ! See you later !”

You ran away from me.

“See you... later … I too enjoyed training with you…”

I would like to continue… to be such a good soldier…

Chapter Text

His slave was chained in the bedroom, no way she could escape.

He had gone to get a wet towel to wipe away the carnage he himself had caused in the middle of the office room. He strongly rubbed the floor, animated by anger.

Angry ? Oh yeah.

Angry with her ? Ah… no. Not at all.

His anger masked the true feeling that was in him at the moment.

Shame.

Damn it he was so ashamed ! What did he do ? He was no better than the others. When he decided to take a slave, he did not think like the other superiors. She will not be a sexual slave. The truth was much sadder than that. Even shameful.

He wanted a slave because he was bored… to be alone. He had been looking for a sufficiently entertaining one for over 2 years and it was only in the last few days that he finally found one. And now he’s assaulting her that way.

What a shame.

He was so angry with him that he didn’t know what to do. At the same time, what did he hope to do constructively with this slave ? Nothing particular. He wanted to know what it was like to have the responsibility of someone else. And it’s true that those first days were up to his expectations.

She was execrable, insolent and deceitful. All the pretenders to be his slave were whiners, begging for liberation and forgiveness. They all looked down when he approached them. She didn’t. On top of that...she had hidden a weapon. Ready to kill me. Unthinkable.

But I know why she wants to do this.

I’m playing a really dangerous game.

But it’s so entertaining.

°°°°

When he returned to the room, she had not changed position but was not moving. She is not sleeping. Too bad for her.

Before approaching the bed, he had gone through the bathroom to clean himself as well. He passed his hand under the tap water and cleaned his beard ignoring the shameful red on his face. He undressed and quickly cleaned his parts before asking himself a rather embarrassing question.

How do I dress to go in bed ? Because usually he used to sleep naked with just underpants. But with what had just happened, he couldn’t. Well, he wasn’t going to go in a coat either, but-

But what am I saying… I’m at home. I do what I want. She’s a slave. I don’t have to try for her.

°°°°

You heard him come out of the bathroom. With the angle you had, he couldn’t see the tears streaks on your face. You were locked in the blanket like a cocoon to protect yourself. But the sudden rocking of the bed due to Zeke’s weight, sitting on the mattress, made you close your body on itself.

You then heard him lift the blanket and slide under it, the fresh air hit you, and tuck his legs in. As he repositioned, his calf touched your foot. This had the effect of putting you totally in a ball instantly. You couldn’t pretend to be asleep.

His skin was naked. How do men sleep at night ? They don’t have pants ? Reiner had pants- ! SHH !

You were sweating. Not for disgusting reasons, but because you were afraid he would move and touch you again.

That’s clear… you weren’t going to sleep all night.

°°°°°

So, did he go back to bed, naked ? Of course not. He put on his usual boxer but added a faded white shirt. It wasn’t necessarily very comfortable but… there’s no “but” ! I wanted to put on a shirt that’s all !

He saw her reaction to curl up when he sat on the bed. Even worse when he inadvertently touched her foot. He was almost as warm as she was and it wasn’t for disgusting reasons either. He was still upset. On the one hand, he was ashamed and almost wanted to apologize, and on the other he imagined the Marleyan superiors making fun of him seeing how he treated his slave. She should not be in his bed but locked in a cold cell after a visit to the office of several senior officials.

He’s already been told. He treats her too well. Yet he doesn’t feel that way.

°°°°°

The night was horrible. You didn’t close your eyes at night for fear of moving on purpose and making noise. You were almost as stoic as he was. In addition, he either slept really peacefully without making the slightest noise, or he had not slept at all either. Obviously it was the second option. There was only a moment when he turned to be turned to the wall and it scared you enough to wipe out your last sleep cravings.

When the sun came through the curtain, you were thrilled. Delighted but also frightened. You were finally gonna get out of that bed, but what was gonna happen to you out there ? what’s he gonna do with you ? Is he really going to show me naked on the street like he already threatened to do ? I’d rather he cut off my hand.

But this ray of sunshine reminded you of something. Life went on. And who says, life goes on, says you have to find the Beast. You had a new day of investigation. To hell with fear. To hell with Zeke. To hell with what happened. Focus.

At the same time as you were giving yourself courage in silence, you heard the man sighing loudly beside you. Eerg… I have heard enough…

Finally he moved up and up on the bed. You stared at the ceiling, a hard expression on your face, knowing that at that moment he was looking at you. You sick bastard.

You expected a mockery or a crude order, but he slowly rose and said :

"Can you get out of bed ?"

He had said nothing incredible but the tone used was surprisingly calm compared to last night. But to be sure, your eyes immediately turned to him to see if he wasn’t laughing at you.

He must have been at least as exhausted as you. His light blue eyes were surrounded by red and light dark circles had appeared. Ah ! If only that were the only thing…

He was in his underwear with a shirt open all over his body.

He opened it during the night because it was too hot unfortunately.

Shit... it’s true that it was really well done. Yuck.

This simple sight is enough to make you jump out of bed and look away. The unbearable noise of the chain made you cringe.

He sighed annoyingly and quickly refits the bed by simply putting the blanket back in place and smoothing the fabric with his hand.

“I have a meeting with my warriors today…” Warriors ! The Beast ! I can be sure ! But… Annie… and R- “… I will entrust you to Mariane."

"Why ?"

Your answer surprised you yourself. Are you really going to act like nothing happened ? At the same time it would be strange to discuss it quietly over a cup of tea.

"Yes. I understood that you were not ready to be fully shown in public. In any case know that if there is the same incident as yesterday, I could not save you a second time against the senior representatives.”

The incident yesterday ? Which one ? Oh yes…

You were so focused on what he did to you in the office that you forgot you killed a man earlier.

“I am really sorry.”

“You’ve already said that and I still don’t believe you.”

He moved around the bed to come untie and take your chain. You clench your fists as hard as you can to forget his current dress pattern. As he opened the padlock next to you, you mumbled while lowering your head,:

“Not for the man. For yesterday when I wanted out.” He stopped turning the key in the lock, thinking he had misunderstood. You kept calm and confirmed, “I shouldn’t have tried…”

Actually, of course you weren’t sorry. Yes, you were terrified it would happen again, but as Erwin said : "Every unfortunate event can work in our favor, be just clever enough with it." So you were going to use your true fear to give yourself the image of a slave now terrorized by her master and obeying him foolishly and blindly. He will eventually let his guard down. Because with too rebellious behavior, you won’t achieve anything. Goodbye pride. Well… it was already done.

You kept looking at the ground, a drop of sweat on your cheek.

"Look at me." You looked up at him, trembling. "Say it again."

“I’ve… I’ve learned my lesson… I swear I won’t do it again.”

Not convinced, he approached you dangerously, so close that again his warmth joined yours.

"Again."

You swallowed your saliva, for God’s sake, he was so close that you could no longer distinguish the entirety of his face.

“I… I wouldn’t disobey, I promise, I’m sorry.”

His weary eyes pierced yours which were not in better condition.

“I’ll leave you to Mariane and if she tells me everything went well, then you can come to the party prepared for the return of a warrior, there will be everyone.” Your nod may have been a little too gratefull, but it was enough to make him retreat. "Okay, wait, I’ll get ready."

So you kept your clothes on while you waited in the bedroom.

Okay, what do I do ?

I’m just a moron.

A fucking idiot for Christ’s sake !

You started laughing sarcastically on your own.

Hell, if Levi were here, I’d be grateful if he broke my face, I can’t fucking believe it !

You grabbed your head in your hands.

I’m a little girl who got lost… I know… who did I think I was ?

I’m a nobody.

I’m just an Underground's brat.

Which was brought to the surface by a powerful man.

Why the hell did you bring me back, Erwin ? I don’t have anything special. Just because I stole your bursary ?

Erwin…

I’m here for him.

I’m here to prove that his death was not in vain and I will kill the lunatic who dared to attack our family.

Yes, I screwed myself up. Until the end, it’s my fault. So if I’m going to fuck up, I might as well do it.

We’re gonna play along.

And I will win.

"I gave you permission to sit on the bed ?"

Zeke had come out of the shower and had come back perfectly prepared. But despite the care he had put into it, the fatigue on his face was still visible.

After his remark, you stood up without looking at him, ignoring his poison.

He moved to take back your chain in his own hands. He slipped the metal between his fingers before firmly grasping it which caused you to stumble in front of him, fortunately you kept your balance so as not to fall.

“Before we go, I really hope you understood because I don’t want to have to do it again. I’m serious.”

You gonna tell me you didn’t like it, you asshole ?

“Yes, I promise.”

“Good.”

°°°°°

He took the usual path to Mariane’s infirmary and left you there without giving any further explanation before leaving for his meeting.

The woman had welcomed you with her usual nonchalance but soon noticed something.

Your face.

But also Zeke’s.

"Something happened." she said, recognizing the expression on your face. How did she know ? "Tell me."

“You know what happened. You don’t have to go into the details.”

“Do, actually. It’s about whether you can be pregnant.”

That last remark made you nauseous.

“No, I can’t be.”

“Describe me.”

“I…” Obey, you have to obey or you won’t be able to go to the party. “He didn’t do… the act but he touched me.”

"How did he touch you ?"

“…”

“You can get pregnant without penetration, just a touch between the two parts. Did he rub against you ?”

Oh stop ! I don't want to you to talk about it and give me horrible images in mind.

“No. Just… with his fingers… and his mouth…”

“Mmh… ok. I’m still going to put a sponge on you. It’s surprising that he did that.”

“W…why ?”

“But nothing surprises me anymore coming from Zeke. This man is a real enigma.” She looked into her affairs. “You can lie down on the table, take off your stocking.”

Even if it’s a woman, you had no desire to her to go and see and especially touch that part of your body. But other wise, she’s bound to tell Zeke you disobeyed...

With almost trembling hands, you opened your pants and went down to your ankles before removing it completely.

Come on, force yourself to think about something else. There’s nothing sexual about it, she just puts something on to protect you. Plus, she’s a middle-aged woman, not a good-looking man with an open shirt and- OH ! Don’t think about that !

You stared at the ceiling as she settled between your legs. You quickly saw the sponge she was holding in her hands, it looked brand new and clean, that’s something.

Then she began to install it, her little fingers spreading your lips to begin to drive the soft object. Even though it was soft, it was a really unpleasant feeling, the intrusion was mixed with irritation due to the dry texture of the thing. She kept pushing as far as possible, which pushed you to close your eyes and grab the wood from the table.

“I’m almost done.”

She continued until she felt a resistance. Finally, she removed her fingers with a damp noise. Bad memory.

"You can get dressed. We’ll wait for Zeke to finish his meeting. If you get itchy or anything, talk to him about it and he’ll bring you back here for me to look at.”

Talk to Zeke about stuff like that ! Never.

At the new mention of his name, you instinctively looked around you if there was any material. And there was a lot of choice in terms of weapon potential between scalpels, needles, strings…but no. You had to obey and be attentive.

°°°°°°

"Zeke ? Did you hear ?"

"Huh ? Excuse me, can you repeat ?"

“You look terrible.”

“You don’t have to come to war meetings if you want to sleep, Eldien.”

"Forgive me." He repeated, "I didn’t sleep well, can you repeat ?"

“Ah, I hope she learned her lesson in this case.”

“If not, I won’t hesitate to do it again.”

“If not, I won’t hesitate to take care of her myself.”

“With all due respect, I think you’ll end up like Roussbel if you try.”

"Because you will not, Eldien ?"

“No, the proof, because if she doesn’t obey me, I can kill her just by biting my hand.”

"Please ! Could we go back to what we were saying ?" Magath said.

“Sorry, captain.”

« So let’s talk again about this potential new offensive on Paradis. Zeke, two weeks ago you were begging me to go back, but now you’re changing your mind. Why ?”

“I’ve reflected and thinking that since I have less than a year of service left and Colt isn’t fully prepared yet, I think I’d better stay here and teach him everything I know.”

“It’s been a while since you could teach him things, but instead you’d rather lock yourself in your office and did whatever.”

“To make myself useful. But now I have to change my priority and focus on the succession of my Beast Titan.”

“Well, let’s hope Colt will be more useful than you on Paradis.”

“Yes, hopefully.”

°°°°°°

The door opened, your executioner entered with a tired face.

"So, Mariane ?"

“She behaved very well. Well done.”

Zeke looked down at you still sitting on the table, head down.

“Alright.”

"But you look terrible. Aren’t you sick ?

"Huh ? No, just tired."

“Ah… you did well if you ask me.”

What a bitch.

"I know." he said with aplomb. He resumed your chain. "Let’s go."

“Goodbye.” You tell to Mariane and keep looking at the ground.

"Goodbye." she replied.

You followed Zeke outside, the door closed in your back, but as you continued forward you again collided with his solid body.

What have I done ?

He looked at you from the height of his greatness, with worn eyes.

"You see ? All is well when you listen to me."

"Yes." You answered with submission.

But his hand grabbed you by the jaw violently to get closer to him. At first, by reflex, you grabbed his wrists to push him away, but you had to remember to obey ! Your hands fell into the void.

"Such a sudden change in behavior is not a good idea to make me lower my vigilance. I don’t believe a word about what happened yesterday convinced you to finally be calm.”

Pff... what’s the point of denying it ?

"What do you want me to say about that ? If you were me, you would have done the same thing."

“I would have done it smarter.”

There was no one in the hallway. Only your two voices almost whisperers.

“Ok… so if you want to get back into bad habits, I’ll tell you again : Fuck you.”

“So I’m going to repeat myself : That’s nice of you to suggest.”

Your beginning of rebellion evaporated after this last threat. Fear paralyzed you again and prevented you from responding.

He also seemed to be frozen. His hand on your jaw did not loosen as if he was scrutinizing the slightest of your reactions. Again his breath on your face, he smelled even more cigarette than before, he must have smoked a lot since this morning.

He wouldn’t let you go.

“So…” you mumbled with fear. “…if you think I’ll never be sincere in what I do, why are you keeping me ?”

Ah… she’s really asking the right questions to destabilize me.

“Because … since you killed a high representative, I have to prove to others that I can control you. If I throw you out and take another one, it will be a failure.”

“So you’re doing this for others. Not for you.”

“That’s it.”

“So if I behave well with others but not with you, you don’t mind.”

She is very strong.

But she is right.

For once, Zeke didn’t seem to know what to say. He could have just said “no” but he closed his mouth.

Fuck, yes. Try to resist me.

“Let’s say… that’s the priority. For me, even if it takes longer, you’ll eventually do it too.”

Damn, I’m dreaming or he said : Yeah, I want you to behave badly with me.

Strangely enough, it relieved you. So, in private, you could let off steam ? Not so fast… yesterday, there was nobody there and yet…

“But yesterday there was nobody.”

WTF ! I really said it !

And the effect obtained was not at all that hoped for. Zeke could not answer. Faced with his contradictions.

“You…you had gone a little too far in wanting to escape. That’s why.” He released your sore jaw. “So you know the limit.”

He resumed his walk. You followed him with many questions in mind.

“So… since I behaved well with Mariane, can I come to the party ?”

“Yes. Try to keep up the momentum.”

You kept walking down the hall.

°°°°°°

Several hours passed during which you remained chained to the floor against the desk while Zeke was working on it. It was so boring… The only time you got so bored behind the walls was when Shadis punished you for stealing his purse. Yeah, you kept stealing scholarships until you were about 12. Every time, Erwin listened attentively to your ploys to get there while Levi spewed insults. They really sounded like a married couple at times.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Yes ?" Zeke said without looking up at his papers.

Since you were daydreaming, you didn’t take precautions to hide your face based on who was coming in.

First, a young man with chestnut hair pulled back. You had never seen him. But behind him…

“Hi Captain.”

“Hello Zeke.”

“Here, Porco and Pieck.”

!!!

Fuck this is Pieck !

The two young people en stopped near the door after seeing you sitting on the floor and being hooked like a dog.

"Don’t worry. She doesn’t bite." the blond continued.

Tch, you’re lucky there’s people.

Your face turned white when Pieck’s dark eyes stared at you. You couldn’t help but let some kind of emergency warning appear on your face as if you were begging her not to say anything. For her part, she didn’t think long about getting her relaxed air back.

“Uh… we’re sorry to bother you…” Porco started.

“You’re not bothering me. What’s going on ?”

"It’s Gabi and Falco." said Pieck with confidence. "They’re fighting more and more and now Falco has a sprained ankle. We can tell them to calm down, but that doesn’t change anything, so we come and ask you.”

Zeke laughs a little.

"These are children fighting for the honor of serving Marley, nothing serious. Also, it seems to me that Porco and Reiner were the same when they were younger.”

Please don’t talk about him.

“It’s completely different ! Compared to Falco, this guy had no chance of being a warrior !”

Tell that to the hundreds of people killed by him when he smashed down the wall, you hose bag.

Pieck placed a hand on his back.

“Calm down, Pokko.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better, I’ll go and see them.”

“Thank you Captain.”

"Uh Zeke, can I talk to you privately ?" said the woman.

"Why ? You have things to hide from me ?" asked his colleague.

"Of course Pieck. Gaillard, can you leave ?" said Zeke, ignoring the young man’s words.

"No, can I talk to you privately." she repeated, looking at you.

It seemed to make Zeke uncomfortable. He breathed through his nose and rose from his desk.

"Porco, do you mind staying here and watching her ?"

"Umh yes, but hurry." The chestnut growled.

Zeke followed Pieck outside but they did not go very far from the door.

Said Porco crossed his arms and leaned against the desk sighing.

"Have a name ?"

Stop fucking asking me this.

"No." You answered as sharply as he did.

“Pff I really wonder what in Zeke’s head.” he said as if he was talking to himself.

Probably a pile of shit. Anyway, this guy seems to have a rather nervous temperament so it’s best to be careful. But what is Pieck telling Zeke ?

"Where are you from ?" asked Porco.

He must be bored shitless to ask me these questions but it’s a problem, I have to stay calm.

“From a colony.”

"Which one ?"

Uuuuhhhh … compared to Zeke, he was really asking the right questions. Why didn’t Zeke ever ask me ?

You stood in silence. It was the best thing to do rather than invent something.

“Hey, I asked you a question.”

“…”

"Oh !"

“…”

He moved to stand in front of you.

"You want me to tell Zeke ?"

"Then go." you replied without taking into account his dangerousness.

“Okay.”

He left like a kid and opened the door brutally, failing to hit Pieck on the way.

"Oh Pieck ! Sorry."

"Pokko, what are you doing ? You were asked to wait."

"It's your slave."

Zeke glared at you, which made you lower your head but keep eye contact.

"What did she do ?"

“She refuses to tell me what colony she comes from.”

Suddenly, your master’s face relaxed to these words.

“Okay, I think it’s unnecessary. Anyway, we’re done with Pieck.” Zeke said on the way in.

“Don’t forget what we said, Zeke.”

"Yes, yes." he said, waving to Porco to go out. "See you at the party anyway."

“Ok, see you later.” The young warrior raised his hand and said goodbye and left the room.

Zeke closed the door behind them and sighed.

You thought he’d be furious but he just seemed to doesn't give a shit and be tired. He loosened his tie and came back to sit at his desk.

"It was Pieck and Porco. The Cart Titan and the Jaw Titan.”

"The Jaw Titan ?" you spoke without realizing it.

Ymir… it means…

“Yes, the Jaw Titan. Maybe you saw him at work during the invasion of your colony, I’m sorry.”

He talked but he didn’t seemed believe it. Or you were just paranoid. Anyway, no matter what this guy says, you never know what he’s really thinking.

“Or maybe you.”

"What ?"

“You’ve probably already been part of an invasion.”

"Yes. I may have reduced to dust your house or killed members of your family. Don’t take it personally, it came from orders.”

“So when someone asks you to kill, you kill without thinking.”

“So when someone asks me to kill, I kill with my own family’s safety in mind. It’s called war.” He leaned over you from his chair. "But I saw you at work yesterday. You killed someone who was threatening you, so you see what I’m getting at."

“Wow, I killed one person, compared to you, who had to kill hundreds if not thousands.” you say ironically.

You should shut up.

“And I’ll kill hundreds of thousands more if it’s to save my family. I guess you don't have one, given what you’ve said.”

You piece of fucking shit ! I have a family ! And one of your warriors, if it's not you, killed my father !

You were bubbling with rage and decided to shut up before going too far.

No.

No, I won’t shut up.

“I’m sure you’re a fucking psychopath who’s happy to have become a warrior to kill people you don’t know.”

He pulled back his chair to turn to your shape sitting on the floor. He put his foot on the chain which forced your face to approach the ground in a rather humiliating position.

"You should still watch your words, sweetheart. Know that being a warrior is far from being a pleasure. Eldians must submit to it to be « accepted » by the Marleyans. To protect their families. And if that means having to kill strangers and die after 13 years of service, know that given the hell we live in, many Eldians would be willing to make the sacrifice.”

"S-selfish." you scolded against the floor.

"Yes, I am selfish. But have you seen the world we live in ? Do you think it is fair ? It is not. Fair people die easily." He released the pressure on the chain, allowing you to straighten. "You would have died if you had been fair to Roussbel."

"There is no point in talking. We do not agree on the content. Personally, I cannot kill thousands of families just to save mine.”

"Really ?" he asked maliciously.

"Yes." Your voice became sad. "That’s what I was taught."

He floated back into his seat, as if the discussion were over.

“I see. Hard to change your nature, I understand.” He stood up and looked out the window. Night began to fall. "You will wash up tomorrow morning for the party. I asked for you to do the service like the other slaves, but since no one taught you to do it, you’ll just serve the drinks.”

"Ok." You answered with no motivation.

He picked up the chain, and you got up following his movement before he pulled on it again to get you closer to him. No matter how confident you were, fear shook your insides in front of his piercing eyes.

“And of course, you will be helpful, polite and respectful.”

"Yes."

"Sorry ?"

“Yes, Zeke.”

"Know that when you killed Roussbel, the other senior leaders wanted to make you do a march of redemption but I managed to dissuade them by promising them that from now on you would be good as gold. But if you betray that trust, I dare not even imagine what they will do to you.”

"W-What is a march of redemption ?"

"It is a walk during which you have to cross the entire street, completely naked, with the inhabitants who are entitled to insult you and throw things at you. There have been murders in this kind of event.”

"And you’re going to tell me you won’t be pleased to see me like this ?"

Your accusation seemed to surprise him.

"If that’s what you think, then you’re wrong. And if that’s what I wanted, I wouldn’t have waited for you to kill someone to do it. As my slave, I can really do whatever I want with you.”

“Yes, we understood that.”

Shut  up, girl !

His reaction did not take long. He took the base of the chain around your neck to force your face towards his.

“Stop talking about this.”

“W-why ?” you struggled to maintain normal breathing.

“Because I’m asking you not to talk about it.”

“Yet everyone seems to congratulate you for doing so.”

"Stop." He approached you so close that you were forced to stand on your toes. "To talk about this."

“Tell me why. Why are you protecting me from a march of redemption but you don’t hesitate to … to … do what you did.”

"Because I was wrong. There. There’s no point in saying I’m sorry but it shouldn’t have happened I’m aware of that. So stop talking about it.”

“Oh I understood… Mister "I am the best" thought he could contain himself in relation to these horrible Marleyans but he failed and he sham- !”

Zeke pushed you against the desk, your buttocks almost forcing onto the wood against his brute force.

"I did it because you are unmanageable ! I’ve noticed that the only thing that scares you enough is this kind of thing, so stop talking or I’ll do it again just right now !"

Your fingers dug into the wood. As soon as his nose touched your cheek, you lowered your head to avoid further contact.

Shit. Stop being afraid ! You mustn’t be afraid ! You have to stay focused and just kill the Beast ! Damn it, think of Erwin ! Think about what Levi would do… well, he would certainly have tortured him there. But what would Hange have done ? She would certainly have begged him to see his Titan…

Without realizing it, a little smile appeared on your face despite the situation. Zeke was the first to be surprised to see you so detached and he pressed the collar lightly to get your attention.

You seemed to come to your senses and then looked him in the eye.

“Okay. I’ll stop talking about it.”

But his eyes… they looked so much like Erwin’s… everything ! Everything reminded you of your family. It was unbearable.

He stepped back.

“Good. Well… we’ll go to bed.”

That evening, the routine began to take shape. You were tied to the bed again. He went back to the bathroom and came back with his underwear and shirt. And the night was going to be just as complicated as the last one.

****past anecdote****

Levi picked you up himself to take you to a little gathering in Erwin’s office. You didn’t understand why he looked so serious, even sorry, until you got to the meeting. He closed the door and everyone looked at you. Erwin, who was sitting at his desk, surrounded by all the others standing, swallowed his saliva (which he never did).

"What’s going on ?" you innocently asked.

“(Y/n)… we need to talk to you about something very important, so I ask you to listen to the end without intervening.”

“Uh…ok.”

"It seems that, after a very thorough investigation, many elements lead to the conclusion that Reiner and Bertolt are intelligent titans. Specifically, the Armored and the Colossal.”

Did they expect to see you angry ? You exploded with laughter.

"Is this a joke, Erwin ? You think it’s the Armored because it’s well built ?"

"It’s serious, (Y/n)." said Levi. "The reason we waited to tell you is that we were waiting to be really sure and here we are."

“But… what makes you think that ?”

“Armin brought together a lot of really strange things.”

Without realizing it, you gave him a black look.

He described all the evidence to you one by one and it was overwhelming.

“I know it’s a lot to swallow, but you have to face the facts.” said Erwin, regrettably.

Your mouth was open.

“Reiner … you’re telling me that Reiner … that a soldier as loyal and faithful as he is actually a traitor of the worst kind ?”

"Yes." Levi was the only one brave enough to answer you.

"But it’s just impossible ! Already for Bertolt it makes no sense but for Reiner !? Not him, it’s impossible !"

"(Y/n.)" Hange put a hand on your shoulder. "Unfortunately there is no other explanation. They must be among us and it can’t be anyone else. I know it’s hard b-»

“You’re sick ! I know Reiner, he’s the nicest and most loyal man in this regiment. He would never lie to me like that !”

"(Y/n) !"

The shock was so intense that you ran outside the room to the roof to isolate yourself.

The sunset was beautiful but the pain masked this beauty. At this time, the betrayal was that of Erwin, Hange, Levi and all the others ! How could they say that about Reiner ?!

"(Y/n) ?"

And it was his voice that caught your eye.

“R…Reiner ?”

"What are you doing on the roof ?"

“Uh…”

"Why are you crying ?" He rushed to your side to look at your terrified face and put a hand on yours. "What’s going on ? Is it still Jean ?"

You laughed between two tears.

“No it’s… it’s Erwin… it’s boring.”

“It’s normal to have differences with bosses. Don’t worry.”

He gently stroked your arm with a reassuring smile.

It tore your heart out. it’s just impossible.

“Reiner…”

"Yes ?"

“You… you often say you want to go home… why ?”

The red inundated his face and the surprise made him stutter.

“Uh… why are you asking that ?”

You lowered your head slightly.

“I don’t want you to go.”

He took you in his arms. You couldn’t reject him, you needed reassurance.

“If I could… I would take you with me…”

"Why can’t you ?"

“Because… my family wouldn’t like that…”

"We don’t care." You pull back slightly from his embrace while standing in front of him. "Tell me you’re going to stay."

“I can’t…”

He looked so lost. That man couldn’t lie to you, he was too adorable for that !

You grabbed him by the collar.

"You will stay !"

"I can’t !"

He began to tremble in your hands. He had to struggle not to cry before you, you had never seen him like that.

"Reiner, what’s going on ?"

“Nothing…”

“You’re hiding something from me.”

“No I’m just… tired…”

You took his head in your hands.

"Would you tell me if you had a problem ? I want to help you."

His look was a mixture of helplessness and sadness. His tear flowed to touch your palm. You just wanted to hug him. He clenched his teeth holding a sob :

“I didn’t know that some of you could be so beautiful.”

"Huh ?"

Without realizing it, Bertolt had climbed onto the roof and entered Reiner’s field of vision.

“Reiner… ” he mumbled, including the cracking of his partner.

“Bertolt… we’re doing it now.”

"What ?"

They both jumped off the roof and a yellow bolt blinded you.

It’s impossible.

Chapter Text

A reassuring warmth enveloped your shoulder. Your recent lack of sleep prompted you to lean even more against this sweetness for more comfort. Amazingly, the night you were spending was really better than the last. The air was good. The soft sheets. Even the chain didn’t seem to bother you to sleep.

°°°°

He woke up in the middle of the night when he heard the chain making noise. Zeke opened his eyes and did not dare to move when he realized that the heat that had been touching his arm for a while was the body of his slave. It didn’t get any better when she laid her head against his shoulder breathing peacefully. She brought her legs back to the middle of the bed, letting her knees touch his legs.

So... what’s he doing ?

He’s asking her to move ?

He is not moving ?

He-

But I do what I want ! I don’t have to ask myself any questions !

He put his hand on the girl’s shoulder and began to push her back to the other side but the chain sounded harder.

The most incredible moment of discomfort he could have experienced happened : his slave, always close to him, opened her eyes directly on him while his arm was laid on her.

°°°°°

To be honest, it took you a few seconds to realize you weren’t dreaming anymore. When your mind assimilated proximity, warmth, touch and the person in front of you, your body had the instinct to jump out of bed and you crashed to the ground. The sound of metal has finished waking you up.

Almost as if he cared, Zeke leaned over to your side of the bed so he could see you on the floor.

“So in addition to talking in your sleep, you become sleepwalking.”

"Excuse me sir but what the hell were you doing there ?"

“I was trying to push you because you were taking up all the space.”

"Bullshit." You mumbled as you stood up.

Zeke resumed his position by putting his hand under his neck to hold his head. He thought for a moment to take the chain away from you because the noise was really unbearable but quickly changed his mind. Although… This could be an interesting test of your obedience.

You went back to bed, trying not to see the slight nudity of the man but your peripheral vision was enough to leave an image in your head. You got as far away from him as you could and turned to not see him.

"What do I say in my sleep ?" you asked, unable to find sleep.

“Lots of things. Not intelligible majority but interesting minority.”

His half-answer was enough to annoy you. You turned your head to look at him with black eyes.

“Have you ever learned to answer a question correctly ?”

“Not when the answer is so fun.”

A somewhat immature ability on your part : to hide your fear by anger.

“Go to hell.”

“… We’re already there, sweetheart.”

°°°°°

So… the night had been so gloomy that you didn’t sleep any more. He seemed to rest more. For a moment you heard him breathing deeper and the thought of strangling him with the chain passed through your mind.

But when he woke up, he didn’t expect you to look at him so intensely. He reacts by staring theatrically at his shoulder as if to check if you were again avachit against him. You turned your head, red with shame, and it made him laugh for the morning.

After waiting for him to get ready in the bathroom, he beckoned you to come in.

"10 minutes."

And it was back to having a half-dressed shower in front of him and all those mirrors.

He cursed himself when he realized that his mind had focused on your muscular thighs and decided to lower his head in the hope that the blood, which began to accumulate at the bottom, might go back to where it came from.

You respected the time again, he was grateful for that. Not for obeying him, but for allowing him not to approach you closer in the shower and avoid aggravating his problem.

He gave you new clothes, still without shoes, and gave you your chain.

“I don’t need to warn you that if you make the slightest mistake, you will suffer the consequences.”

“Actually, you don't need to.” You said tired.

You walked through the office, and he didn’t bother to put his coat on because of the smothering heat this morning. The metal necklace around your neck almost choked you. I can’t wait for this day to end and to find out what I need to know !

You walked quietly through the building until he put his hand on a door.

“You look good today.” he said, pushing the door.

What ?

Ignoring your perplexity, he moved you into the noisy room.

There were a lot of people, all better dressed than each other. But what they had in common was they looked at you like a sack of shit. But apart from the other slaves who served, you saw four kids running around to help them. Before you could recognize one, a little brunette accidentally bumped into you.

"Sorry !" she exclaimed without really looking at you. But after a quick glance at your clothes, his eyes stared at you. "Hey ! It was you who hit me and almost shot me a few days ago !"

Shit.

You were about to defend yourself when Zeke’s powerful hand leaned on your shoulder.

“Here you go, Gabi.”

"Mr. Zeke !" she said a perfect greeting.

“I thought I heard you hurt Falco by fighting with him.”

"Huh ? But uh... it was just training. He said he was more muscular than me to inherit the Armored, so..."

“So before you start blaming someone for hitting you, don’t do the same thing.” He ended the discussion by pushing you slightly forward to get away from you. “I see you have a good relationship with everyone, it’s nice.” he says ironically.

"Aren’t you angry ?"

Why am I asking ? I don’t care what he thinks.

"I know you managed to infiltrate here and what you did to the Warrior Candidate before you became my slave. I have no right to be angry about something you did when you were free.”

Free ? I’m stilling free, asshole. I’m staying with you because I know how to be patient, but trust me, when I find out who the Beast is, I will slaughter him and you with him.

“Good morning Mr. Zeke.”

“Hello kids !”

These 4 kids seemed to be proud to be servants to people who despise them. What a strange atmosphere.

“Here, you can start taking the trays there.” he says, telling you where all the drinks were served. He leaned over you a little more to whisper : "Don’t forget I’m watching you."

You ignored his threat and moved to the table to pick up one of the trays.

This is so fucking humiliating.

And so you began to serve the people around you by carefully inspecting and listening to their appearances and discussions. You still got a little rattled when you saw Porco and Pieck. She didn’t seem to pay you any more attention than that next to the young man who looked at you like a clean mess.

As you turned around, you collided with someone and flipped their glass over their shirt.

"Excuse me..." you mumbled as you stooped down to pick up the glass at the foot of the man.

"...(Y/n) ?"

!

While you were still kneeling on the ground, you dared not get up again. That voice... you knew it well and there was a time when you were happy to hear it.

You were nailed to the ground, but behind you, you heard a cough from Zeke who had kept his word and urged you to get up.

Slowly you rose, with glass in your hand, and your eyes met those of the blond man.

Reiner... that was Reiner.

You freeze on the spot.

He was not even two meters away, his eyes on you, shocked complement. His face had become thinner, a short goatee had begun to grow and his eyes were surrounded by black as if he had not slept for two months.Luckily, Zeke didn’t hear he called you by your first name.

"Forgive her clumsiness. She still has much to learn." said your master behind your back.

"Hum... it’s nothing." Reiner finally replied, forcing himself to keep a cool head.

You lowered your head and retreated to escape.

« Go and clean his shirt to show your good faith." the chief ordered you.

"No, you don’t have to..." replied his vice captain.

"I insist. She must be respected."

You clenched your teeth, but you still caught Reiner’s embarrassed look. He must have had billions of questions, but more importantly... why hasn’t he exposed you yet ?

Fortunately he took the lead and went to the toilet by a corridor. You followed him, always flabbergasted, almost denying the situation.

You arrived in a small room lit by a white ambient light. He stood next to the sink and waited for you to join him. He was as silent as a grave, his eyes running away.

Following his example, you closed your mouth and get shamed into silence. You opened the tap and passed a clean cloth under the stream of water. It had been more than 4 years since you had seen him. The embarrassment was omnipresent. And especially he looked so different. You first knew him as a courageous comrade soldiers, friendly and supportive. Then as a cruel and merciless warrior. But now, although he looked older and taller, he seemed completely empty and sad. A morose man.

You turned towards him, forgetting the strange nostalgia that germinated in you when you grabbed the bottom of his shirt to rub the rag. It wasn’t with a little water that it would remove the wine stain but you were sure Zeke was going to check if you’d at least tried. In morbid silence, you continued to rub against his abs, which had not disappeared. The blond bowed his head, eyes still open by the shock.

"... is Zeke treating you well ?"

His question stopped you in your gesture. He tried to swallow the ball he had in his throat but the embarrassment, and also the shame, prevented him from doing so. You’re tightening your jaw.

"In your opinion..."

He could not have imagined what was really going on...

Your words were not sharp, but almost shy. In fact, deep down, it felt good to talk to him. To see someone familiar. Someone you liked very much. And it reassured you to see that he wasn’t totally the monster you had imagined. You had imagined him going home, his hands stained with the blood of your people, proud and victorious. But not at all. Despite your resentment, you almost felt sorry for him.

"I am sorry." he said.

Still motionless, you fixed the stain on his shirt, which had taken the shape of his muscles.

"I..." you had too questions. But you couldn’t align them in your head. You wanted to yell at him. To ask him why ! Why isn’t he the wonderful soldier you knew ? That this was all a lie ?! " Thank you."

That phrase came out on its own. Why thank him ? He was always kind and compassionate, and even now he didn’t turn you in. But you couldn’t be sure you trusted him enough to ask him questions. One wrong word and that was the end.

But in the face of your answer he seemed even more at the bottom of the abyss. Your words could have comforted him, but it was even worse. You should hate him, that’s all he deserved !

"It's nice." he says, putting his hand over his shirt.

He waited a few more seconds in the hope that you would throw yourself at him to kill him, but you kept your head down.

With defeat, he ends up leaving you alone to the sink.

You raised your head in front of the mirror and noticed with your eyes almost tearful. All possible emotions clashed in your head.

Finally, what was the objective ? To kill those who killed Erwin.

But all this people had nothing to do with it ? Eventually they will flourish arms.

Even ready to kill Reiner ? ...

Everything was always in question. The main thing was to kill the Beast but then it was sure you were going to die. It was a suicide mission you knew from the beginning but the doubts continued to persist.

"Well ?" You startled. Zeke snatched you from your thoughts as you walked into the small room. "I hope you were cordial with Reiner. He’s an important person here, and I wouldn’t appreciate you making a bad impression."

"Yes." You answered without paying much attention.

You went back to the main room. For some reason, you felt a little relieved. No one denounces you, as if fate gave you its consent.

"Ah well, Annie finally you came."

!!!

By reflex, you turned your head towards the person.

That look cold as ice. It was Annie.

When she saw you chained to Zeke’s side and her facial expression did not move.

"Hi Zeke."

He fired on your chain.

"Hello." You articulated with embarrassment.

"Does she have a name ?" asked Annie nonchalantly.

"No, not yet."

"Have you seen your father ?"

"Yes. That’s why I came." You couldn’t stop staring at her. She wasn’t gonna say anything ? " From what I’ve seen, Reiner’s off his game today."

"Not just today. Ever since he came back, I don’t recognize him. But you’d expect him to be the weak one."

How dare you asshole ? But... what’s gotten into me ? Now that I’m defending Reiner ?

"At least he came home. Not like Bertolt."

You could have sworn she was watching you back then.

Of course you would have sacrificed Bertolt to save Erwin.

"We knew there would be some who wouldn’t come back. We had two deaths out of four, it could have been worse. Not to mention me and Pieck."

Colossal, Attack, Armored, Jaw, Female, Cart and Beast.

Armin, Eren, Reiner, Porco, Annie, Pieck and....

You knew it deep down but you needed to hear it to realize it.

Your look were glued to the ground and you didn’t see that Annie seemed to talk to you more than she did to Zeke.

"All these years of infiltration, we’ve lived in fear of being discovered every minute. The only one who has managed to integrate well is Reiner. Don’t say he’s the weakest."

"It’s true I wasn’t there but look at him. I think in a little while the Armored will be giving to someone else."

You wanted to strangle him. How dare he say that kind of thing about Reiner ! Huh ? No, nothing at all.

"It’s true that if you fight from a distance, you risk less. Stop criticizing warriors fighting hand-to-hand because you can’t."

Come on, say it !

"Think again. I can, but my strength lies in my pitch. Each has his weaknesses and his qualities."

The pitch ! Go say it ! Come on !

Annie looked you in the eye.

"You can say that to Captain Levi who literally sliced you. Between us, I think Reiner would have lasted longer than you did in front of him. Even if some say otherwise, your Beast Titan is not the strongest."

You thought you were gonna faint.

Zeke... is indeed the bearded one. It was said. It was official. No doubt.

And more importantly, Annie said it for you.

Was it to make fun of you ?

Impossible.

First of all, she doesn’t say anything about knowing you.

Then she makes it a point for you to know that Zeke was the Beast Titan.

Because she knew it was him who killed Erwin.

Why would she do that ?

The most logical answer was driving you crazy. She had to know you were there to kill him and wanted to make sure you knew he was the one to kill. Like she was on your side. Like Reiner. You were totally lost.

"So who do you think is stronger ?" he asked.

She took a while to respond.

"Now ? The human."

And she left.

Wow.

You felt the body heat of the person who had killed the person most important to you. His shoulder touched yours.

"She has the art of silencing to anyone. Of the four who went on a mission, she is the first to be chosen, not for nothing."

"And why didn’t you went too ?"

Shut up, girl !

You spoke like a robot. Now that it had been established that it was him who was to be taken down, you could become a kamikaze. You came here knowing you’re not coming back, but at least taking that asshole with you.

If you had a bomb on you at the time, you would have activated it.

"Because I work. I didn’t have time to go on a mission for that long when I had a lot to do for the nation."

"Like what ?"

"Enough." His voice cut off yours. In the middle of everyone, he pulled on your necklace to get you closer to him. You ask a lot of questions but you don’t talk to me a lot. I can answer you, but in return I’d like you to do the same."

"If you tell me why you’re staying here instead of leaving, then you want me to tell you something about me ?"

"Yes, I’d like to. Go ahead."

"Not in front of everyone."

"I decide. Come on."

You will sigh.

"I am an orphan."

He raised his eyebrows.

"We have something in common. I am the scientist who creates antidotes, poisons and spinal fluid... for the homeland."

"So you could have fixed my leg, but you didn’t ?"

He kept silent, but without letting go of your gaze. A mischievous smile was forged on his face.

"I thought you’d rather have a woman take care of you, but I’ll fix it if you don’t like it."

Why not kill him by poisoning him with his stupid potions ? No, stabbing him in the heart is better. Just don’t miss it.

Yes, a knife !

Your eyes swept the whole room. There were small knives for the buffet but it was not enough. The blade you hid in your bra was sharper. Fuck it.

"I’m surprised you don’t ask more questions about who we meet."

"Why ?"

"You ask questions but only about me, it’s flattering but surprising. Did you know who Annie is ?"

"You blame me for talking too much, so I listen before I ask questions. And since I have to live with you, it’s better to know who we’re dealing with."

He laughs slightly. A mixture of mockery and excitement.

"I told you. I’m giving you information about us in exchange for information about you."

Actually, you didn’t need to know anything about them. You already knew everything you needed, now the goal was to get him away from the crowd to slaughter him.

"...I... I don’t know what to say, what do you want to know ?"

"You say you’re an orphan, but there must be people who took you in and raised you, right ?"

"Yes..."

"How many were there ?"

"What does it matter ?"

"It lets me know if you’re telling the truth."

You swallowed your saliva. If you told the truth, he would quickly understand the metaphors you’ll use, but if you lie, you could risk not being consistent.

"One person only."

"How was that person ?"

"He was a man who lived alone. He was a hunter."

"What did he look like ?"

"I’ve answered more questions than you. Your turn."

"I decide how many questions I can ask."

You sighed again but began to get annoyed, or rather to get impatient.

"He was tall and blond." Zeke smiled. "And beardless."

"What was his name ?"

"... Eric."

"Eric..."

...

His two blue irises looked at yours with a light smile. The objective was to keep an easy neutral expression in front of his silence. What was going on in his head ?

You look at each other.

Again.

Again.

As if words were now useless.

The time seemed so long that you began to look clearly at the features of his face. The way his beard hairs were perfectly styled. The blond reflection that moved whenever there was wind. Its folded eyelids for a half-mischievous, half-mysterious look.

He couldn’t have known you were talking about Erwin. There’s no way he could understand where you came from and who you were. No way !

"Where’s your father now ?"

"He is... dead."

"How ?"

I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it. I’m going to have to say things that are inconsistent or I’m going to start getting mad at him for no reason. I can’t. But if I refuse to tell him, he’ll find it suspicious ! I don’t know what to do ! I don’t know ! He looks at me ! I don’t know ! I know k-

"By the way Zeke, do you think I can get a slave too ?"

Reiner’s deep voice literally startled you. You looked at him with a frightened look and even if he seemed impassive, a small drop of sweat was hanging over his head.

"You want a slave, Reiner ? It’s not like you."

"You don’t know me very well. I think that if you were allowed to have one, then I might be able to, being vice-captain."

"You could ask Magath. Why do you want one ?"

"Why did you want one ?" he asked again.

As usual, you were a spectator of dialogue.

Reiner’s last question immediately made him uncomfortable. Zeke seemed to be staring at him but said calmly :

"I am curious to see what kind of slave you will ask and especially if you will manage to take care of him well."

"I hope I can handle him at least as well as you."

That’s when his eyes went down to yours. He couldn’t hold back any longer, he had to see your eyes at that exact moment to know what you were thinking.

Your eyes could have said : Save me.

Or : I hate you.

But instead, it was clear that you wanted to say : Let me take care of him.

The determination in your eyes reminded him of the years he had spent with you. He knew you. By admiring your face, he had retained all expressions and their meanings.

Unconsciously he stepped back.

“But this is probably not the time or place to talk about this.” he says. “I’ll leave you.”

The adrenaline in your veins increased as you realized you were disappointed.

But disappointed in what ? What did you expect him to do ? Break Zeke’s face in front of everyone ?

Yes…

With the size he’s got, he would have smashed him.

But I’ll do it myself. I can do it.

The moment you said that, you saw dishes being brought in with large knives on them.

"Well, are you staying here and chatting with a slave or are you letting me do my job ?" You tell him without taking your eyes off weapons almost at hand.

"It’s true, what’s wrong with me ? It’s probably the heat that makes me do stupid things."

“It is true that it is often very warm.”

If you seemed relaxed to almost insult him publicly, his charming smile and wink of an eye knot your stomach. After making sure you weren't comfortable enough, he took a step back and joined some of his colleagues.

As if the events were good for you, the little brunette from earlier passed with you the arms loaded with plate. You did not stop her arm.

“Wait a minute little girl.”

"What do you want ? I’m working."

“Let me help you. I’m really sorry I hit you, I was a little… overwhelmed by events.”

She looked at you with a suspicious look, but it reminded her of that moment when you could have shot her in the face but you decided to do nothing thanks to Falco’s intervention.

“Okay. Here. They have to go to the buffet.”

She handed you two dishes.

Yes ! One of them has a knife. You caught them, discreetly approached the buffet and with your own ability, you passed a finger under the elastic of your panties and pants and placed the blade in your underwear.

I’m ready. Erwin, for this time you can watch.

°°°°°

In the end, the evening continued and ended shortly thereafter. Probably because the main person involved was not really playfull and left quickly with her father. It’s been so hard for you to sit still when all you wanted to do was gut that bearded bastard.

And that dream would soon come true when he signalled to you that it was time to go.You packed up the few things that remained with mind-blowing speed and came back to his side, ready to go.

"So you haven’t behaved too badly tonight. I’m trying to ignore your dirty characters, but I’m still glad to see that you don’t answer anything to anyone.”

Shut up and go to your office and I’ll kill you !

"As what, you can trust me." you answered provocatively.

He blew with amusement.

“Maybe someday I’ll start believing your lies.”

You won’t have time, beardy.

“You can always dream.”

He continued to smile as he walked out. The same smile was on your face but it was not for the same reasons. Every step you took was an extra step to the culmination of it all.

You arrived at the door of his apartment.

You were so excited. Damn it. That’s him. That guy I saw four years ago running off on the back of the Cart. This face that I tried to keep in mind all this time to finally arrive at this fateful moment. I have dreamed of it so many times ! So much insomnia caused by him ! That fucking bearded man !

But while you were jubilant inside, you hadn’t noticed that from the beginning, he still hadn’t put the key in the lock but just looked at you.

You looked at him too. What ? He guessed ? He can’t guess because I didn’t say anything ! But I have to stop being paranoid ! Ok, cool, calm down. Everything is going to be fine… we’re going to go into the room… he’s going to close the door… I’m going to take my blade and pierce his heart !

"Is it the sight of Reiner that puts you in such a state ?"

Wow. The excitement completely unleashed by fear. W… why is he talking about Reiner ?

“I say that because almost all young women, and even young men, fall at his feet when they see him.”

Oh fuck… phew… why am I stressing like that ? And above all… does everyone fall at his feet ? No wonder, but w- OH ! WE DON’T CARE !

"Even you ?" you answered, trying to calm your nerves.

He laughs a little.

“If I was attracted to men, maybe. But I’m not.”

You looked away from that last remark. Gross bastard.

But to your great relief, he put the key in the lock and opened the door. Almost hopping, you entered the office cursing every second he lost to come in and close the door.

When he locked the room, he turned to you with the other key to open your necklace. You stretched your neck out, begging the fate to hurry. But once the metal was removed, you waited until you were in his back to dive your hand in the back of your panties and grab your blade.

For his part, he sighed, more tired than ever after that long day and those horrible nights. He took off his coat and threw it on the back of his office chair, massaging the base of his neck.

You jerk !

You are tired ?

Now’s not the time, man.

He had started to head towards his office but noticed your very weird attitude. As usual, you looked at the ground, but your lips pinched strangely. You giggled more than usual.

All right, my pretty… it’s now.

He stopped in front of you. And finally, you looked at him. Ready to face him. Squeezing the blade in your hand so it sinks into your flesh. His enigmatic gaze was finally accompanied by a light smile and he finally turned completely face to you. His eyes were in the shadows. The little halo of light only lit up his malicious smile. Now was the time ! You were going to shove the blade in his heart ! He will die as he deserves, dirty manur-

"I know you came here only to kill me."

...

...what ?...

"I recognized you from the first second you looked up at me."

...

"You’re the kid from the wall."

****past anecdote****

KNOCK KNOCK

You did not answer.

KNOCK KNOCK

“(Y/n) ? Let me in.”

But you did not rise with your eyes fixed on the landscape offered you by the window of your room.

“(Y/n). Opens.”

No.

VLAM

The door was smashed by Levi’s foot. Behind him, Commander Erwin Smith was about to strike a third time before his Captain took this initiative.

“Umh…thank you Levi.”

“No problem. I’ll leave you.”

The smallest left to give you privacy. The Commander closed what was left of the door.

“Well… it’s been several days now since you stopped going out. I thought it best to give you time to digest the news, but I think for your own good, you should go out and talk to others.”

You still didn’t turn to him, masking your emotions.

"And if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to someone else like Hange, Levi or-"

"What if I want to talk to Reiner ?"

Your voice finally revealed what you had in your belly. A sadness fused with an unbearable pain.

In short, a daily show for Erwin but he did not expect to be so destabilized by seeing first tears in the corners of your eyes.

"What would you like to say to him ?" he asked as a psychologist.

"I don’t know ! Why did he do that !? Why did he lie !? But I know it’s not true, I know there’s something behind it !

“(Y/n).”

Erwin got closer.

“I’m sure he’ll come back and tell us why he did this !”

“(Y/n).”

He took one of your arms and began to get you closer to him.

Erwin forced you into his arms while you were talking to yourself.

“Sacrifices must be made to save ourselves…”

His arms tightened on you to press against him. You cried like a child against his chest.

“Shh… this is normal.sIt’s going to take time, but it’s going to be okay.”

His hand caressed your back in a reassuring way. It must have been seven years since you got caught him in arms like that.

But it was painful.

So painful.

“Don’t forget, we’re here.” he said, murmuring.

"Erwin ?"

"Yes ?"

"Have you ever fallen in love ?"

“Umh…yes. It’s happened to me before.”

"Have you ever hated this person ?"

“…no…”

“Neither do I.”

Chapter Text

11 years ago :

You were in the Underground, huddled behind a stone house, on an empty stomach. Often, the Military Police Regiment would come down to arrest a few thugs and you would sometimes steal things from them. Their cash bursary for example. But that day it wasn’t the Military Police Regiment. They had a different logo on their cape. Two wings. The Scout Regiment. You had already seen them and you quickly recognized the one who seemed to guide the group, a tall blond with a low voice. If he’s the boss, then he must have had a hell of a bursary. It didn’t take you more to get up and try your luck. You rubbed your eyes to accentuate your dark circles, ruffled your hair and concealed your dagger in your sleeve. Their group walked quietly in the street, the inhabitants fled to their sight. Step by step, you advanced towards them until one of the members saw you.

"Chief, look at this."

The blond turned his head towards you. He was fucking tall.

"She’s a beggar. Hey ! Go away !" cried another soldier.

"No need to talk to her like that." said the chief.

You got close enough that he could hear you without screaming.

"Are you looking for someone ?"

"Yes. Surely you know Kenny ?"

!

Kenny !

"Yeah, I know his safe house if you want."

"Why would you help us ?"

"In exchange for something."

"What do you want ?"

"Whatever you want."

"Don’t you have any particular desire ?"

"No, I just want a present."

"How about a bottle of whiskey ?"

"Gelgar !"

"I’m just kidding."

"Why not. I can sell it."

"I’ll give you two coins."

"Okay, follow me."

They took the bait ! Not so smart.

You led them to a dark alley where there were stones sticking out of the wall. You often practiced climbing on it.

"No wonder a nut like Kenny lives here. It’s scary."

"At least there’s no Titan here."

"It’s over there."

You point at the end of the street, taking care to stop at the chief’s level. This one had not said a word since you were on the move but you exchanged a look very regularly.

As everyone kept moving forward, you took the opportunity to put your hand in his pocket and take out his bursary. You could have jumped on the wall and climbed it fast if he hadn’t seen you coming by grabbing your wrist.

But skillfully, your legs wrapped around his arm and you managed not only to twist it but also to get out of his grip to be able to jump on the wall by leaning on it.

The others didn’t have time to turn around that you had vanished into the house behind the wall.

Erwin, he did not move.

"Very smart child."

"Smart ? I would have said agile. What a dirty kid."

"No, smart because she deliberately didn’t ask us directly for money so as not to arouse our suspicions. Otherwise we’d keep an eye on him, but you were all busy finding Kenny’s house."

Despite the group’s requests, Erwin did not immediately attempt to find the child. He had come to the surface to think because an idea had sprouted.

°°°°°°

When he got home, Levi yelled at him because he didn't telling him he was coming down. Levi... he comes from the Underground too and has become our major asset. Moreover... we are less and less numerous in the Regiment. Shadis must have realized this, but we are sorely short of a capable soldier.

"Hey Erwin !"

"Huh ? Yes, Levi ?"

"What the hell did you do there ? Without me !"

"Naile asked me to see if I could find a lead on a criminal."

"And now he’s asking you to do his job ? Who’s this criminal ?"

"Don’t worry, the investigation will be over soon. And the last time I was there I brought a very good specimen to the surface."

"Tch, don’t be a stooge."

With that, the Captain went out.

Well, we have to make a choice. And if this kid gets out of control, Levi will calm her down.

The decision was made.

The next day Erwin came down, but this time he took his logos off the Scout Regiment and went down alone.

Very quickly, he was again confronted with extreme poverty and the kids who steal in the street it was not what was missing. Well, they won’t have much to steal from him since he already lost his money.

He walked to the wall where the child had disappeared and went up in turn following the stones. Once above the wall, he had a perfect view of all the roofs and very quickly, he spotted a path, surely marked by the fact that it was often used, traced along the roofs. He ran to a roofless house. Only a few logs seemed to hold in place the few walls that pretended to demolish itself.

In one of the corners, there was a pile of straw and on this one, a small silhouette.

Erwin was about to jump and land with all his weight on the grainy ground, but a new group of men arrived and started screaming at the child.

"That’s her ! That’s the girl who broke my hand !"

"Get her !"

The 4 men rushed at her and even though she was very agile, one of them eventually caught her by the hair while another gave a first kick in her belly. The child cried out in pain and, despite her young age, began to insult his attackers.

Almost amused, Erwin came to his senses when he saw the man with the broken hand pull out a sharp knife from his apron. Before the child began to beg them to spare her, the tall blond finally jumped and crushed the man under his weight.

Caught by surprise, the other 3 let go of the girl to rush towards him but he quickly mastered them and sent them waltzing on the ground.

“Never come back.” he said in a frightening tone.

Quickly abandoning their plan, the four morons stumbled up and ran for their life. Erwin finally turned to the child, still on the ground holding his stomach.

“Excuse me for coming in. I guess you remember me but I’m not here to ask for my money. I’d like to talk to you.”

"Fuck you !"

She began to gesticulate in the dust when he wrapped his immense hand around her tiny wrist to keep her in place.

"Listen to me."

But she was not ready to listen to him and tried to hit his belly but in front of Erwin’s resistance, she could do nothing.

He managed to grab her two shoulders to block her.

"Listen to me. Do you live alone ?"

"What do you care ?"

"Answer me. Or I’ll arrest you."

"...yes I am alone."

"Don’t you have a parent ?"

"I just told you."

"How did you learn these fighting techniques ?"

"It’s obvious you don’t know how we live here. We have no choice, we have to adapt."

"I’ve already met many children in your situation and..."

"...and you did nothing to help them."

"...and I’ve never seen a child do as well as you."

"I won’t thank you."

"And also unfriendly. You remind me of a friend of mine."

"Finally, what do you want ?"

"I can get you out of this misery if you agree."

"Huh ?"

"I have a knack for identifying a future high potential person and I’m sure you can be a part of it."

"You... are you offering to welcome me upstairs ?"

"That’s it."

"But... this is my home..."

"You said you were alone."

"Yeah, but... how am I gonna live at the surface ? They’re not gonna give me a house or a family."

"You will not live in the village."

"Huh ?"

"I'll welcome you into my home."

"You ?"

"Yes, I will speak to my superiors but on one condition : when you are older, you will join the Scout Regiment."

"... the ones I steal regularly ?"

He laughs a little.

"Yes. So what ?"

What’s keeping me here besides abandonment and bad memories ?

"O... okay. I’m coming with you." she says without thinking about the consequences.

"Alright, follow me."

On the way, she still didn’t believe it. The path you took was the one that led to freedom. On the surface.

"Sir..."

"Yes ?"

"Does that mean you adopt me ?"

He was surprised by her question. Yes, he adopted her. But this child’s voice reminded him that it was not a decision he should take lightly. That decision involved a child.

"Yes indeed."

"So I have to call you Dad ?"

This time he stopped. Her heart went mad thinking that she had made a mistake and that he might change his mind. But he knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder.

"If you wish... but don’t forget your origins. Never forget that you come from here, that this place, even though it is hell for you, is the place where you began to forge yourself."

"...al...alright."

Erwin hugged her. A hug. It’s the very first...

When he made this gesture, he said to himself that he had to prove to this child that she could trust him even if he had "adopted" her solely for her combat skills. But he had underestimated the distress that reigned underground. He had a taste of it when her two little hands grabbed his jacket and snuggled up against him. The child started to cry.

This little girl with a strong temperament, a real tough little girl, cried like what she was behind this facade : an abandoned child.

The hug was very long. During those many minutes, Erwin began to rethink his plan. Was that really a good idea ? Will I know how to handle it knowingly ? But I need soldiers... I’ll do what I can. Besides, Levi knows a lot more about the Underground than we do, and I’m sure Hange would like to handle her.

He loosened his embrace slightly to look her in the face. Her face was red and covered with tears.

"From now on, you will be with us and never alone again. The strength of the human being lies in the fact that we are together and numerous. You must be able to count on us and us on you."

"Yes... at your command, sir."

He had to admit, she was a child with a very special character.

Going up these stairs, with your hand hanging from Erwin’s cloak, you looked down for the last time, saying goodbye and forever.

That day, the sun was unleashed.

°°°°°°°

"What the hell, Erwin ? You’ve totally cracked."

In the Commandant’s office, the Captain looked with some anger at the little girl still hanging from the squad leader’s cloak.

“Zackley gave me permission. Can I know what’s bothering you ?”

"What bothers me ? Oh I don’t know, maybe the fact that you bring back a foreign girl who pretends to be attached to you. And I don’t think Zackley gave you permission to do a good deed. That fat pig never hid his perverse tendencies.”

It was sad to say, but Levi knew well the children who lived alone in the slums. They were small manipulators. Of course the Captain wasn’t going to fall for it when she clung to Erwin like to a mother.

The child noticed that. He would not give her any favour.

“It’s clear that I’m not going to hold on to you.” the child said, glaring back at him.

“Tch, look at her, Erwin. I’m surprised at you.”

"Don’t worry, Levi, I’m perfectly aware of the caractere and the long rehabilitation I’m going to have to do with this child. It is quite possible that she escapes the first night to fly into houses, but I intend to do my job.”

The child almost sulked, understanding that it will be more complicated than expected.

"In the meantime," replied the blond. "I would like you to keep an eye on her this afternoon, I must go to the capital. Don’t hesitate to show her the training camps.”

"What did you think I was ? I’m not a nanny."

"No, you’re my subordinate. See you in four hours."

The squad leader quickly closed the door, leaving the Captain speechless and the child just surprised.

Levi fell on a wooden chair in Erwin’s office.

"What’s your name, brat ?"

“You’re the brat.”

“*exasperated sigh* It promises...”

“In a few years I’ll probably be taller than you so don’t call me a brat.”

He knew the codes of the Underground but since he was a Captain, no one (except Hange) had dared to mock his size.

He looked at the child, almost stunned.

"How old are you ?"

“9 years old.”

“Tch." If you had more, he wouldn’t have hesitated to beat you like he does for his squad. “Well, let’s wait until you’re taller than me so I can kick your ass.”

She did not answer but moved to the window to look at the horizon. Birds passed in front of the glass, completely illuminating the child’s face.

The Captain couldn’t help but look at that face of this kid with eyes almost nostalgic. That girl reminded him so much of Isabel, but much more unpleasant.

“SO IS IT TRUE ?!”

The door smashed against the wall. Hange Zoe, hearing the news that Erwin had adopted a child, had jumped from her training venue to see her with her own eyes.

"Unfortunately." replied Levi, ignoring the little girl’s grimace.

Hange rushed to her and grabbed her tiny hands.

"Oh, you’re so cute ! Holy Erwin. What’s your name, my sweety ?"

"(Y/n)." answered the child mechanically, intimidated by the behaviour of this other squad leader.

"Oooh, that’s so cute !"

To her surprise, Hange took her small head in her hands and took her in her arms in an affectionate gesture.

A second hug.

"Don’t you have a last name ?" asked Levi, forced to look at the scene.

"It’s none of your business." (Y/n) babbled, her face pressed against Hange’s torso.

She finally loosened her arms and knelt down in front of the girl.

"Don’t you have any ? You know that’s okay. For a long time we didn’t know the name Levi, the grumpy little guy." Hange pointed at the Captain with a smile when he gave him the finger. "So you have nothing to be ashamed of."

“Well uh… no I don’t have a name… or I don’t remember…” she looked down at the black-haired man. “And Levi, it's an ugly first name.”

Hange cried with laughter and hugged her again.

"HAHAHA, I feel like we’re going to get along great ! I have to show you a lot of stuff outside, you’ll see it’s beautiful !"

Hange did not wait for anyone’s approval to take the girl’s hand and pull her outward.

“Wait Hange. Erwin asked me to look after the girl so…” he got up and got to their level. “…I’m coming with you.”

“Cool ! A little outing between the three of us is not going to hurt us.”

Hange came out of the room first, leaving (Y/n) to follow her and then Levi. But before the child joined her, the Captain drew her attention.

“By the way, (Y/n)…”

"What ?"

VLAM

The child collapsed against the stone ground, struck down by the man’s kick.

“…welcome among us.”

Back to the present :

« You’re the kid from the wall. »

Your blade fell to the ground.

All this time...he knew... and he was playing...

Your breath was cut and you remained nailed to the spot. After looking at the knife at your feet, he went round you and sat down on his desk chair.

"Were you seriously going to kill me with this ? That’s hurtful."

Shame began to be replaced by hatred. Unlike Reiner, he was truly the vicious and sadistic monster you had imagined.

"And I will. With or without this blade, I will kill you." you said, your back to him.

He did not answer. Instead you heard him take his lighter and light a cigarette.

"Then come. I am sitting and helpless. Take this blade, come and plant it in my heart." he said, opening his arms as an invitation.

His provocative tone was full of venom. He deserved it. So then why couldn’t you move ?

"Maybe because you’re afraid... Maybe because you’re not as brave as you thought... maybe because you never were... including the day you let your Commander die...!"

The blade sank into his chest.

You had fallen on him with all your weight and you crashed on the ground, breaking the chair. His blood splashed on your top. You removed the blade and attempted to replant it immediately on his face. But his left hand forcefully grabbed your right wrist. You then tried to hit him with your free hand but he also caught it.

You struggled hard in his grip as he stood up, with you sitting on him.

Through the thick smoke emanating from his skin, you could discern an almost charming smile.

He wedged your wrists against the ground and drew his face closer to yours.

You smashed your forehead against his nose.

He answered by turning your wrists in his iron fist. The pain is enough to stay you wise.

Slowly, the adrenaline dropped. Your breathing slowed down. His grip tightened again and you finally let go of the weapon. The metal fell into a deaf silence.

"You are... a real monster..."

"There’s a monster in all of us. You came here to kill someone. You think that makes you a good person ?"

"I’m here to avenge a good person you killed without even knowing him."

"For you he was a good person. Your boss could have decided to take you to safety or ask you to run away, but he used new recruits for a sacrifice. He is the one who killed your comrades."

"You basta- !"

His words outraged you so much that you struggled again, shaking your head not to hear what he had to say.

"You could have died too and he didn’t protect you. What kind of good person would send his friends to death ?"

"When humanity is against us !"

Your words had made him momentarily loosen his grip on your wrists and you took the opportunity to release your arm and give him a punch in the face. He quickly came to his senses and grabbed your clothes to pull you to the ground so that he could put himself on you.

His weight crushed you and a few drops of his blood from his wounded nose fell into your neck.

"So you had already accepted that all soldiers, including you and him, could die ? If you had accepted it, then you have no reason to blame me. He had condemned himself, conscious of what he was doing. If anyone was to blame... it would be him."

His words broke your heart. Because you knew... you knew it...

"And the anger you feel... it’s not towards me or towards yourself but towards him. He who agreed to leave you to behave like a good leader."

This time it was too much. Tears of a little girl finally began to flow. Why had he left ? Why had he abandoned me...

Faced with your sudden tears and sobs that you were desperately trying to hide, Zeke stopped talking but kept you stuck between his muscular body and the floor of his office.

You had no escape and was forced to cry a few inches from his face because finally someone... someone was putting words on what you’ve been feeling for years and the truth was so painful.

You cried.

Again and again like you’ve never really cried in four years and your whole body is finally cracking.

And in front of Zeke’s silence, after a few minutes, you opened your watery eyes to finally look at him.

His face was by no means cheerful. His expression was calm but closed. In reality, his look was full of respect. This silence was a respectful silence towards someone in pain.

"You feel abandoned." His voice was deep and sincere. His hand holding your left wrist let go and approached your cheek. He stroked your skin moistened with tears with the tip of his thumb. "You don’t have to feel that way. We’ve all been abandoned somehow. But you have to think about what’s left."

His words were exactly what Levi used after the genocide.

We must think of the living.

Levi, Hange, Jean, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Connie, Sasha... everyone. There were so many people left who could have died but were still there. What idea did you have when you left them to avenge Erwin... by doing this... you had in turn condemned yourself... as the Commander had done. All this was just a lie you told yourself, it was just a long suicide. You didn’t think you could go home and see everybody...

"I was abandoned by my parents. And yet I think only of my grandparents who have always been there for me. Behind these walls, there must still be people who matter to you. Think about them."

He was a completely different person. Throughout his monologue, you did not look away. You did not recognize him. Your torturer who frightened you had such reassuring words. His voice was gentle and sure of itself. His advice was wise and sincere. And his eyes, had a hint of sadness in them.

It was always the same thing. He was too unpredictable.

"You’re... so weird..."

This phrase out of nowhere finally made him laugh, raising his head and shaking his shoulders.

He had humiliated you, wounded you, explored you. Then he listened to you and advised you. You had already shown him almost everything.

His laughter had strangely relaxed the yet chaotic atmosphere. After he finished smiling, he finally let go and sat down on his heels.

"Wipe off those tears and clean up that desk. I bring the food."

°°°°°°

You had been lying on the ground long enough for him to finally approach you with food in hand.

Something had changed. You didn’t know what but there was something weird.

"I thought I asked you to put that office away ? At least to pick up the pieces of the chair you broke."

He spoke as if everything was normal while it was chaos in your head. He was the one who killed Erwin. Seeing his head detached from his body was the only thing that could have made you feel better. But this anger that had spread to the entire Marleyan people seemed fictitious. Pieck’s welcoming family. The Cart Titan himself did not denounce you. Not the Female Titan. Not the Armored. Not even... the Beast...

All those monsters that were the cause of all your misfortunes seemed so different from what you had imagined.

You realized… that they were Eldians… that this curse was much more serious than the death of a single man. Even that of the little island of Paradis... the world was gigantic and those who were born Eldian were forced to become demons.

Demons…

Erwin was a demon.

I always knew. He didn’t adopt me because he thought I was cute or nice. It was for his own interests. And yet...

I miss him… I miss him so much…

“I won’t heat your dish so you better hurry up. 10 minutes.”

“Why are you giving me time ?”

“To teach you discipline.”

You laughed out loud looking at the ceiling.

"I was never taught that. No one succeeded. Neither my father-Commandant, nor my father-Captain, nor my mother-New Commander. If that had been the case, I would not be here. You will not teach me that.”

“You’re going to starve.” he said, sitting at his desk with his plate.

"You will die too. You have little time left from what I have understood. That’s why you decided to make a folly at the end of your life and take a slave ?"

“This dish is really good.” he didn’t look at you.

“When you die, I’ll get out of here to join mine and tell them how I saw your body being eaten miserably.”

“It doesn’t even lack salt, it changes.”

"Warrior life must not be terrible, huh ? Serving people who shit on you all day and dying like dung after 13 years. Not great. I understand why you kill people.”

You were just talking to upset him. Cause deep down, you didn’t really mean what you said.

“5 minutes.”

“If I could see this place being eaten by the same titans you made for us, I’d be the happiest woman.”

"Really ?" he asked with an interest that seemed false.

"Yes. Asshole."

"Even your old comrades ? Won’t it hurt you if Annie and Reiner were executed because they didn’t report you today ?"

You turned white.

He laughs with sadism and victory.

"Poor Reiner. He’s a very bad actor. I thought he was going to cry when he saw you. You had good relations before his betrayal ?"

"How about I fuck your mother ?"

“You wouldn’t be able to, given your tendency to do the job badly. Not to mention the fact that she’s dead.” he says, swallowing the rest of his dish.

“I’m not gonna cry for you.”

“Not worth it. I’m the one who sent her to her death by denouncing her to the superiors.” You finally looked at him, eyes wide open. His face went from slightly sad to smiling. “So I can promise you that I’m pretty good at reporting people who don’t listen to me. Eat.”

You were speechless at the contrast between the horror of what he said and his relaxed face.

"Eat." he repeated.

In the end, you took advantage of the 4 minutes left to eat what you could. At one point, you looked discreetly in the window to look at him without him noticing. A little flicker down his cheek made you bite your tongue.

Zeke was crying.

And something in your belly seemed to wake up.

Chapter Text

As usual, you went to bed. As if nothing had happened. When you went to bed with that necklace, you stood on your back looking at the ceiling. The passing minutes gave you time to think. But think about what ?

Everything was calculated for you to kill him. It was written in history. It was the inevitable end. But between you and this fatality, things seemed to stand in your way.

You were just imagining his relentless death, faking every possible scenario in your head. And each time, you saw yourself looking back at the sky, hands covered with his blood, wondering if it really served anything. Even worse… if you really wanted to do this…

What was to be done ?

The few discussions you had with him had awakened something that no one before him had succeeded in awakening. Not even Erwin. Not even Reiner.

You heard him breathing quietly beside you, apparently asleep. Turning your head slightly to his side, you could look at his face without fear of being judged. He seemed to sleep peacefully, enjoying every second of the sleep that was granted to him. Better than the previous nights anyway. His few blond hair fell before his eyes, his mouth slightly ajar, his eyelids smooth and closed without effort. Was it confessing to you that he knew who you were, that made him so calm ? Maybe he felt relieved.

°°°°°

For so long, he hasn’t slept as well. He even thinks he started dreaming without nightmares. He felt so light as if there was no more distance between you. One knew who the other was. But what he loved most about you was talking.

Talk to someone who has experienced as much horror as he has. Someone he feels he can help. Your talk yesterday, even though he didn’t like to see you cry, filled him with happiness. Giving advice to someone who needed it like he needed it back then. Someone to save. Someone to be with and share things, no matter how unhealthy.

Last night, he remembered only that his dream was beautiful.

°°°°°

You probably slept a little that night because you didn’t remember hearing Zeke get up. When you opened your eyes, you were still tied to the bed but you were there alone. Apparently no one in the bathroom either. Maybe he wanted to let you sleep after all this.

You bearded bastard. I won’t fall for your manipulation.

You sat on the side of the bed and finished to fully wake up thanks to the few rays of the sun that managed to pass through the corners of the curtain. The extension of your chain allowed you to get up to fully open the fabric and drink the sunlight of this morning. Everything seemed so calm. The sky was beautiful. Birds flew in the air, seeming look at you.

The world wasn’t the same in the Underground.

But this landscape was enough to calm your tired mind.

Finally… until you hear heel sounds on the desk floor, seeming to be getting closer.

You looked one last time at this painting about nature, smiling children, the wind ruffling trees, the clouds dissipating… when the bedroom door opened, more brutally than usual.

You turned your head, ready to face Zeke again, but your eyes grew stupefied when you saw Reiner’s golden gaze.

The five seconds that you looked at each other seemed to be hours. And during that time lapse, you caught yourself thinking : Finally.

He hurriedly approached you and pulled a key out of his pocket with trembling hands.

"R-Reiner ? What are you doing ?"

“I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago.” he says, opening your lock on your necklace. The chain fell to the ground, you looked at him without understanding. "I would never ask you to forgive me, I do not deserve it." His voice began to die to look more and more like sobs. “Yet… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

The blond fell to his knees before you without trying to add words. You didn’t recognize him. He seemed completely destroyed. You missed the words, the situation was beyond you, and this tall fellow stirred your emotions in your stomach.

“I… why are you here… no… why… why did you leave with them ?” your voice wasn’t stronger. Your vocal chords trembled as much as his.

He stared at the void, the eyelids struggling not to let tears flow.

“Because…I was raised to serve them…”

Just like the Captain, you kicked him in the face and knocked him backwards. You let yourself fall on him and grab his collar with rage.

“No, that’s not true ! I saw you ! You were with us, a worthy soldier, brave, smiling… so kind… you couldn’t lie to us, it’s not possible…”

It was time to bring back all that anger that you had buried against him since his betrayal. You were so focused on Zeke that your resentment for Reiner had faded a little, but now that you were alone, you weren’t going to let him escape without giving you some answers.

Through the blood that flowed from his nose, tears traced their way.

“Yes… yes… I lied to you…” You hit him again, even harder, without him defending himself. “Please kill me ! (Y/n) kill me !”

Another punch in the face.

Another.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Your tears flew in all directions, according to the frequency of your blows.

"You lie ! You lie ! You filthy bastard ! I hate you ! I hate you !"

His face was no longer noticeable behind these streams of blood. Only moans of pain and sadness were uttered.

You cried on his body, your fists shaking and covered with his vital fluid. Sobs violated your weakened body. The muscles of your face began to hurt you by grimacing with sadness.

“Except… for the last thing I told you…” Reiner balbutia despite a broken molar. “…you look beautiful…”

You collapsed backwards, landing on your ass a little further away from him.

“How dare you tell me that…”

“I don’t have much time left… because we may never see each other again, I have to tell you…” He stood up despite his injuries. His two beautiful golden irises looked at you with melancholy. “ when we arrived with Bertolt and Annie, I didn’t think I was the brave soldier you saw. It was when I met you… your humor, your determination, your strength, your way of standing up… your way of looking at me… No one ever looked at me that way… I mattered… I mattered to you… and you made me like that. Thank you.”

My strength ? What strength ?

You dropped yourself against the floor, rolling on the ground and covering your face with your dirty hands. He continued :

“The Marleyans were right from the beginning… I am as much a demon as all of you are. I even fell in love with one of them.”

…

This world. Is so unfair.

Marleyan. Eldien. I don’t give a shit. Fuck all of you. All of you.

Reiner did not move when you grabbed his neck to hold him against you. Your arms had wrapped around him so that you could bury your head in the hollow of his collarbone, breathing its smell nostalgically. His warmth, his build, his breathing, his skin… 4 years that you tried to remember despite yourself.

That embrace was long enough for Reiner to realize it and have the courage to gently put his hands behind your back to squeeze you a little more.

You drew back slightly to face him, tortured between the happiness of having found him and the unfortunate destiny that bound you.

"Why did you come here ? He may come back soon and you took the necklace off me. Why ?"

He swallowed the ball in his throat and smiled at you with confidence.

“You’re going to run away.”

"Huh ?"

"Behind the building, there are about ten sacks of potatoes on a trolley, ready to go. You’ll jump in, the man will take you to a cherry tree and you can wait there.”

"But what will I do there ?"

Suddenly, steps echoed in the corridor. You immediately recognized the frequency of the strides and became instantly frightened.

"He’s too close for us to escape !”

“Don’t worry. Just act like normally and follow me.”

He got up, the wounds on his face began to heal and he took advantage of them to wipe the blood with his sleeve. Then he reached out with a reassuring smile.

This way of reaching out to you was the same as in your training.

You took it without question and you’re back on your feet.

The door opened.

You stood behind Reiner and looked with disdain at the newcomer.

Zeke stopped in his stride when he saw Reiner, almost in a defensive position in front of his slave.

“I didn't see that one coming.…” he started by closing the door behind him.

"Good morning Captain." said your savior passively.

"Hello Reiner. May I ask what you’re doing ?" asked Zeke, looking at the open necklace on the ground, and then you.

Reiner coughed. What was he thinking ?

“I spoke with Magath and he entrusted me with the responsibility of … your slave.”

"Really ?" asked the bearded man sarcastically, crossing his arms. " Why ?"

“He felt you were not fit to take care of her, given the damage she caused on your watch.”

Real bluff.

“That’s funny because I saw Magath earlier and he didn’t tell me.”

Behind his irony, you felt the boiling anger in him. How dare Reiner tell me I can’t handle her ? Dare bluff on that ?

The vice-Captain swallowed his saliva.

“He was counting on me to tell you. He felt it was just business between Eldians and he didn’t want to be involved.”

Zeke was silent. He just watched these two persons mock him with pleated eyes. When his eyes stopped on you, you clenched your jaw and refused to lower your eyes.

“Let’s assume you’re telling the truth, so she’s your slave from now on. So why take her necklace off ?”

Shit.

“Because I think it only increases her aggression.” Reiner said without doubt.

Zeke raised his hands to the height of his face.

"Excuse me ! But you can understand my distrust when I see her so close to you while at night she prevents me from sleeping while whispering your name.”

Reiner’s brain bugged. Your heart missed a beat. Zeke’s sadistic smile grew.

When he saw that Reiner had no answer to give him, the chief moved to the side to sit on the bed, just behind you.

The strongest turned slightly towards you. She dreams of me at night ?

You had trouble looking him in the eye, it was so embarrassing. Zeke never told you what you were saying while you were sleeping, so you thought it was just trivia, but from the beginning, he knew. From the first night he found you passed out in his hallway with a wounded leg, he must have understood that you were talking about Reiner.

“That… doesn’t change the fact that she’s now my responsibility.” says the wearer of the Armored.

“Of course, your shared past behind the walls doesn’t concern me more than that, but I can’t help but wonder why she’s just saying she misses you.”

Did I fucking say that ?

Reiner bites the inside of his cheek. She’s… really too adorable for me…

“It’s really none of your business, and you’re not in a position to judge me because you didn’t come with us for the mission.”

"No it’s true, excuse me. It is true that I was not fortunate enough to be admitted to a close-knit group of friends where racial discrimination did not exist while playing games with a pretty friend.”

“It’s n- !”

"Calm down, Reiner." You finally spoke without emotion. "You don’t see that he is jealous."

Was that the case ? You had no idea, but you only said it to upset and destabilize him.

"So I’d be jealous..." he replied, rising to approach you from behind. He leaned over your shoulder, his breath tickled the shell of your ear. "You’d like me to be, wouldn’t you ? But why would that be ?”

“Zeke, get away from her.”

"Sorry Reiner, but excuse me ? I am your Captain. She’s a slave, whoever she belongs to, she should never talk to me like that. Dare to tell me that you are better able than I am to keep her in her place.”

“You remain an Eldian. Only Marleyan can defy my authority over her. Not you. So I ask you again, get away from her.”

"Or what ? The last time you dared to contradict me, I think it was pretty persuasive not to do it again."

That’s right, he slaughtered him.

“I doubt Magath will trust you again after this. Let us go and forget about it.”

"So you don’t mind if I ask him to come and make sure you’re telling the truth ?"

“…No, you can.”

He was always in your back. His coat was touching your elbow. You heard him gently laughing.

“Let’s wait until he gets out of his meeting.”

“So you don’t need us anymore.”

Reiner’s hot hand caught yours to pull you away from Zeke.

“Just one thing.”

"What is that ?"

“I’d like to know your real name.” he asked, looking you in the eye.

You seemed disoriented to his request. As if, after all this time spent together, you will finally get to know each other.

“(Y/n).”

“…it was an honour to meet you, (Y/n).”

Crazy.

“Okay, see you in 30 minutes.” Reiner said quickly.

“That’s it.” the bearded man whispered as his subordinate closed the door behind him.

°°°°

So... was he jealous ?

He literally burned with rage. He knew everything was fake and was dying to discredit him in front of Magath and bring her back to him. Luckily they were out or he was about to destroy his home by turning to kick Reiner’s ass.

That kid who went undercover in the walls, Zeke absolutely wanted to know everything about what he did. About what he knew about her. About what he did with her.

Why she talked so much about him in her sleep. The few times she whispered her own name was with fear or anger. While Reiner was with nostalgia and happiness.

He was happy that she also dreamed of him but his heart pinched by imagining that she was just having a nightmare about him. It made sense but the intimate discussions with her. He loved it. He just talked to her. And the fact that maybe she didn’t like it as much as he did, it was unbearable. Had she ever discussed this kind of thing with Reiner ? His own vice-captain ? He wanted to know !

°°°°

Always amazed, you followed Reiner who guided you through the corridors with his hand sealed on your wrist. You arrived at a darker end of the corridor and he took the opportunity to stop.

"Listen, when the wagon leaves you at the tree, it will go back You’ll probably wait a few hours, but normally someone else will pick you up.”

"You’re going to carry me around the city hoping I won’t be found ? I have doubts about the plan."

He grabbed your shoulders.

“No, I made sure to-”

"BRAUN !"

“General Magath !”

"What are you doing here ? And with her ?"

“Um, Zeke gave me the charge of her. He can’t take it anymore.”

“Really ? I’m surprised, but it’s your business as long as it doesn’t cause more problems.”

“No, you can trust me.  Have you finished your meeting ?”

“Yes, sooner than expected. I’m going to see Zeke in his office and I have to talk to him about the blood test developments.”

"Ah, yes, I understand. Then I won’t hold you any longer. Goodbye, General !" Reiner said, hurrying you away from the Marleyan.

Once you were far enough away, he took you to a window. While stretching the neck, you saw down, said wagon filled with bag.

"I’m helping you down." he said, taking you by the hands.

“Wait ! Uh… your General is going to realize you lied and Zeke is going to... what are you going to do ?”

He again displayed a reassuring smile.

“They can do anything to me. I want to pay my debt to you.”

What a lovely fool.

“If you want to pay your debt… then come with me.”

He opened his eyes.

“But… no I can’t… They may attack us quickly but I can hold them long enough for you to be safe.” His thumb lingered on your cheek. "Don’t worry. And anyway... nothing has ever stood up to our legendary duo."

I fucking hate him.

He crossed his fingers to make you the short ladder and waited for you to put your foot on it. But you couldn’t. This time, it was sure, you were probably never going to see each other again. What will the Marleyan do to him after that ?

He was going to ask you to hurry up but his throat jammed when you took his face in your hands to kiss his lips for a few seconds.

Once his heart restart, he savored his last moments, his eyes moistened with happiness just like you. A kiss so simple and sweet was more powerful than any discussion and debate you might have had about this whole thing. You took advantage of the sweetness of his lips one last time before smiling at him as when you were younger.

Stars danced in his eyes. Stars that had been extinct for several years but started to shine with a thousand lights under your touch.

You finally put your foot in his hands to jump through the window with flexibility despite your fatigue, this kiss having given you all your strength.

You hid quietly under the bags while Reiner threw a man’s purse on the wagon. The latter flogged the horses to go galloping.

You watched this handsome, sweet blonde walk away, fearfully wondering what would happen to him.

I can’t let that happen. This man... this adorable jerk, I have to save him as he saved me.

°°°°°°

The wagon arrived at a cherry tree and left as soon as you came down without even speaking to you. Probably out of fear of getting in trouble. Must have been the shit out there.

How many people were supposed to be looking for you. Did Zeke do anything to Reiner ?

Almost existential questions exploded in your head. The time you sat in the grass waiting for the next episode of your life, you will remember the very first. Before Erwin.

Where you lived may have been a life of decay and loneliness but it did not cause as much suffering as the one you saw between marley’s walls. At the Underground, everyone was equal. Everyone was in the same misery. There was no armband. No rifle. No Titans.

Finally, was the little joys you had after that worth the pain ? Losing the boy you loved a second time.

When you met Reiner, he was the only one with that wrinkly look at the threat. As if he was the only one who had ever known the misery of the world. Without even talking, you always understood each other. When you told him about your childhood, he was devastated that such things were existed. When he told you about “his” childhood, you were surprised that he had no more trauma than that.

But seeing finally the truth, what he grew up in, what a trap he was raised in, everything clears up.

The only thing you wanted was to help him. To show him that like everyone else, he deserved it.

Your rambling made you forget the present moment and the sobs of melancholy shaking your shoulders.

Suddenly, a fierce grip pulled you back and you crashed into a wooden wagon that went off at full speed. Your sight clears up on those who just kidnapped you.

You saw your reflection in the only glass that had this pair of glasses that you recognized immediately. The explosion of emotion in your heart was so powerful that you had trouble understanding everything all at once or even having a logical reaction. Your tight throat works for you :

"Hange ?"

Without waiting another second, she grabbed you in her arms with an overflowing energy. Tears of happiness hatched in the corner of your eyes, but they finally flowed as you saw the look of Captain Levi as he horsewhiped the horses. He had trouble hiding his smile.

After this endless embrace with Hange, she took a step back. You could see in your turn that her eyes were very wet.

"The others are waiting for us in a small house that we found much further away. You can rest there."

"O... Ok. Uh... how do you know that… ?"

"At the base we tried to get into the city but Reiner got in touch with us. How can I tell you that at first it was a bit complicated but we understood that it was our only chance to get you back so we accepted. And here you are again.”

Reiner, for Christ’s sake…

“Okay… uh… how you doing ?”

If Levi wasn’t guiding the driving, he would have probably kicked you in the stomach.

Hange laughed nervously.

"We’re fine. I mean, except for Levi, who kept talking about what he was gonna do to you once we will find you." You blanched with fear. Hange grabbed you by the shoulders with enthusiasm. "But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you before that. I know it’s a little ridiculous to ask you this, but are you... okay ?"

"I... no."

You fell sobbing in her arms.

No, it was definitely not okay. Not at all. My God... I missed you so much… I don’t know anymore… nothing… what I have to do… I’m just lost…

Hange’s reassuring hand tried to soothe you by stroking your back.

"Calm down... we’ll talk about it. We’ll get out of here first, all together, and we’ll be fine."

Levi was looking straight at the road, focusing more on the safety of the wagon but having trouble forgetting the "brat" crying in the back. How much he wanted to yell at her. But what an idiot ! It’s an incredible chance that we found her. As soon as we get there, I’ll kick her ass.

The path was silent, you didn’t want to speak out of fear of telling them everything. Hange didn’t want to talk because she knew it wasn’t the time. And Levi didn’t want to talk because he knew he was bad at comforting people.

After a while, the wagon arrived on a more granular ground to give a view of a small house smoking among the trees. It seemed uninhabited.

When you got to the other side, the wagon finally stopped. From the beginning to the end, you were in Hange’s arms. When the horses stopped, you kept calm and got up to go down, but as soon as you put one foot on the ground, your body was thrown to the ground. Captain didn’t wait to beat you.

"Hell, I can’t fucking believe it... I thought you were tall enough not to do that kind of shit, so I screwed up again."

"Levi, leave her alone."

"No. Now that’s enough I’m going to say clearly what I think." His foot pushed you to the ground. "Frankly, I’m ashamed ! After all that time spent training, you’re leaving like a beginner with no plan and no team ?"

"Levi."

"Dedicate your heart ? Bullshit ! Do you honestly think a mind as sharp as Erwin’s would approve of that ?!"

You rolled on the side and cried like a child. Hange rushed over you.

"Don’t say horrors like that about her !"

"What ? What did you expect when you went there alone to a group of strangers ? Did you expect to find the Beast who was waiting for you in the front door ?"

Your crying started to look more like anger than sadness.

"Levi shut up !"

In reality, he and Hange both understood what had happened (knowing the harsh reality of life). But their difference was that the Captain couldn’t handle his emotions. Unfortunately for you, there was no one but you he could spill all his anger and frustration on.

Those who did this will regret it bitterly.

"(Y/n), what do they look like ?"

"Levi !"

"I’m gonna go now so tell me what they look like before I kill innocent people."

Hange pulled on his sleeve with her hand while the other continued to hold you.

"Listen to your major and calm down ! That’s an order !"

The vein on his forehead proved that he would not calm down like that. He abruptly retreated.

"I’m going out to the forest to pick up some wood. Go home."

He left instantly. Hange sighed.

"Forgive him. He felt terrible about not being able to hold you back when you left."

You cried again. Did I make Levi look like that ? I’m a piece of shit.

Hange managed to get you up.

"Let’s go. Everyone missed you."

When she opened the wooden door, a cry sounded. Sacha had choked because of a piece of bread when she saw you. Connie dropped his glass on the floor. Jean jumped out of his seat to jump in front of you.

"(Y/n) !"

You barely recognized that he pulled you out of Hange’s arms to quickly squeeze you into his and then released you quickly with an embarrassing cough.

"You’re such an idiot for doing this."

I know. you almost said it, but Connie’s hug with Sacha cut your breathing.

"Where are Mikasa, Armin and Eren ?"

"In the forest looking for wood."

"Okay, come on, sit on the mattress."

Yeah, there was only one mattress for the whole house and only one room where everyone was together. No privacy.

Everyone had seen your cheeks blush with tears.

You sit painfully on the mattress under everyone’s eyes.

"Go hunt." Those were the Commander's only words.

The team came out in the blink of an eye leaving you alone with her.

She turned to you and smiled at you with fear.

"Tell me what you want to tell me right now. If you don’t want to say anything, don’t say anything. But if you hesitate to tell me something, try."

You grimaced with shame.

"Is... is there another room ?"

"Why ?"

"I have to take off... something."

You were staring at the ground and saying that. Almost hypnotized. She caressed your back.

"I’m sorry, there’s nothing else. You want me to help you ?"

"No, I’ll try on my own, but I’ll call you if I'm not okay."

"Do not hesitate."

She went out again.

That fucking sponge was completely soiling your body. Aside from what happened, it represented the many other horrors that could have happened to you. What others would have been allowed to do. It was the mark of your submission.

You turned to the wall and put your hand inside your pants, not daring to remove it completely. You leaned back to have better access to what you were looking for and grimaced when your fingers touched that part of your body. Even if it was your own hand, fear still tied your stomach and your traumatized mind turned the light feeling of your thin fingers into the more brutal one Zeke had.

You drove that image out of your head by forcing yourself to imagine Reiner instead of him. You smile freely when you realized that thinking about him was no longer a source of sadness but of nostalgia. And a little worry, too.

Finally you managed to remove it, slightly painfully and you rushed to the window that opened on a stream to throw it in.

You took advantage of the water seal of the house left by your comrades to clean your hands and quickly the crotch.

Once you got rid of that thing and finally ready to talk, you opened the door behind which Hange kept waiting.

"Is everything okay ?" she asked you.

“Better. Thanks.”

The rain started to fall when you sat on the mattress.

“You need to rest. Don’t worry, I’ve briefed everyone, no one will bother you.”

“Thank you, but I don’t want to have benefits for putting you at risk.”

She took your hand.

“Yes, you screwed up. I can tell you that, and maybe it doesn’t show, but I’m furious.”

"Ah… very reassuring…"

“But I’d still like to help you because I think what you went through there taught you a lesson.”

“…”

She gently breathed and stroked your hand.

“I … can you tell me ? I’m not asking you for the details but … to find out who we need to look after…”

The door suddenly opened.

Levi, his arms loaded with wood, entered, soaked in the rain.

He stepped forward and threw all the logs near the chimney before getting rid of the bulkiest piece of equipment.

Hange moved on the mattress to give him space knowing what he had in mind.

The Captain’s boots went towards you with a chilling noise, your body tightened in fear when he get closer, but it was his knees that broke on the ground and his hand that took yours.

"I want to know what happened."

Hange did not turn him away immediately, agreeing his request.

You lowered your head.

"It’s... I’m so sorry... I’m sorry to you but especially to Erwin..." their eyes were more than worried." It’s the... the bearded..."

Four years you had that nickname in mind, but you never thought you’d tell Hange and Levi about him for that kind of thing. Before, when we used to talk about "the bearded", it was an unshakable rage to kill that took hold of you but now... now it was a mixture of fear, paranoia but also intrigue. Intrigue ? That’s normal, he’s too weird. He was horribly creepy and disturbed but his story and unexplained outbursts of kindness made him intriguing. Exciting as Erwin would say. Erwin... damn...

From the beginning you had not seen but Levi’s fist shook more keenly than the wings of a bee. His eyes looked at the void.

"How many times ?"

"Once is enough." Hange cut.

"He didn’t... do that with this... but..." You moved your hands almost to mime what you meant, but Hange took your wrist.

"That’s enough." She said. "For now we have to rest. Then we’ll think about what we’re going to do."

Of course there was only one room but it was very big. Everyone was sleeping on the floor except for you, who put yourself on the mattress, and Levi, who stood guard looking out the window.

The night was cold but very quiet.

One moment you started to fall asleep...

The pain was horrible. The weight of his body was overwhelming. You tried to breathe in large puffs of air every time his hands loosened a little around your neck, but each breath only suffocated you more with that cigarette smell. The bearded man did not detach his fingers from your neck, smiling like a madman as you fought for your life.

As you blinked, the scenery suddenly changed. You were no longer in the office but in the dust. You looked up to recognize your old hiding place in the Underground. The smell of rotten and poverty had not disappeared.

You snatched yourself from the bearded man and started running through the depraved streets. You ran straight to Kenny’s house. You broke down the door and hid yourself under the first table you lived on.

You barely had time to blow that big hand grabbed your shin and pulled you off the table. You start screaming before you recognize Kenny’s face.

He was going to speak before a shadow came through the door. The bearded man had found you. His eyes were imperceptible behind his glasses.

Kenny took you in his arms, picked you up and started running out the back. Your hands of kid had wrapped around his neck and your head rested on his shoulder so you could see if you were being followed.

He ran to an intersection.

Right, Hange and left, Erwin.

Kenny landed you on the ground before collapsing in front of you. You shouted his name, then you froze seeing the multiple holes that littered his body. By raising your head, you saw the Beast Titan preparing a new pitch.

You turned to Hange and Erwin, not knowing where to go. She had a bright smile as the former Commander looked down on the floor with a livid face.

You called him. But he did not move. He took a second to finally look at you before being sprayed with stone.

You panicked towards Hange, looking for her help but the new Commander had just vanished.

The footsteps, almost creating earthquakes, of the Beast Titan drew closer to the little girl you were. He lowered his hand, a few seconds before crushing you under his palm and you saw at your feet the two beheaded heads of your adoptive parents.

“WAIT !”

You sprang in sweat, your heart beating against your chest. After catching your breath, it took you a few seconds to realize that everyone had woken up and was looking at you. Shame overwhelmed you and you rushed out to get some fresh air. Hange had begun to get up to join you but Levi held her by the shoulder.

Looking at the stars, the tears were counted by dozens on your face.

“Why am I so weak…at times…I wish I was someone else…”

"Don’t count on me to give you a handkerchief, you little brat."

The Captain got closer to you. You laughed ridiculously at his bullying by wiping your cheeks. He put a hand on your shoulder.

“You’re not weak. You never were. And if you believe that, you insult the memory of Erwin who chose to bring you to us."

"But why ? I still don’t understand why he chose me. There were lots of other kids like me who were able to steal his purse.”

Levi looked down.

“I asked him the same thing… and he said he chose you because you looked like me.”

"Oh well ? Because you stole his purse ?" you said in the tone of humor.

But he wasn’t ready to laugh.

"He said you helped them find a criminal’s stash. Who was it ?"

"What does it matter ? I lied to them."

"But did you really know where that stash was ?"

“Yes.”

"Who was it ?"

“…Kenny the Ripper.”

“…”

"What ?"

He removed his hand from your shoulder.

"How could a 9-year-old know about Kenny’s stash ?"

You were surprised by his dark gaze. His voice remained in the low tones, as if he knew the answer but feared it.

“… you know Kenny too ?” you answered.

“How did you know him, (Y/n) ? Answer me honestly.”

“… he … the farthest memory I have… It was Kenny who wore me on his lap and made me taste a really disgusting bottle while laughing. I remember he helped me stash food several times, and he even taught me some techniques for killing and stealing. What about you ?”

Levi breathed with stupor.

"Me too." Both eyes intensified. "Did you know Kenny’s name was Ackermann ?" he asked with bright eyes.

“N-no… it’s… it’s your father ?”

“No… it’s my uncle.”

You’re breathing out loud.

“Well, I never would have thought. He’s too tall.” you said in a low voice to calm your mind.

Even though Levi would not have answered your insult, this revelation blocked the little humor he still had.

“Kenny would never take care of a kid after me. He abandoned me early enough saying he didn’t have the paternal instinct… he would never help a stranger…”

That’s when you realized. You looked up brutally at a Captain who was still so stunned.

"Kenny ever told me that his sister had a kid with a stranger. Right after, he took a sip of his disgusting bottle and said it must be it runs in the family to be such a jerk…”

“… Kenny… had a kid… and it was you…”

Lightning roars in the distance among the clouds.

Well, Erwin, you really had a gift.

****past annectote****

He had been locked in his house since he had returned. His mother even began to worry. Not because she saw him sad, but because since he had been appointed vice-skip, he was not to be weak in front of the others.

Since his return to Marley, Reiner did not dare to look others in the eye. Especially not Porco. Nor the families of Annie and Bertolt. Out of four, he was the only one who came back. It was unbearable. He, who was "the weakest".

“Reiner ? Can you open the door ?”

His mother’s voice was not the voice he wanted to hear. He just wanted... everyone to be quiet.

A more surly grip struck the wood.

"Reiner ? It’s Zeke. I’d like to talk to you."

He wanted everyone to be silent, but how could he reject his Captain ? He had no right.

The door opened and it was the first time that the mother saw the features also dug into her son’s face. A few hairs had even begun to grow on his chin.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Braun, can you leave us ?”

She looked at her child, begging him to do nothing stupid, and then closed the door.

“Well, Reiner... I’m not learning you anything if I tell you that you make enemies by staying here ?”

“We only have enemies. It doesn’t change anything.”

“The kids would love to see you. I hope you don’t want to just wait to give up your Titan ?”

The young man sat on his bed and looked out the window.

“Maybe so. Who cares ?”

“Your mother. Me. The whole country.”

“Who really cares, Zeke ?”

His eyes shone, making those of his superior shine in return.

“We have no choice. Isn’t it you who keeps talking about being devoted to Marley ?”

Reiner looked at the ground.

“I don’t want to hear about Marley or Paradis or anything else.”

“You will have to. The other countries are declaring war on us.”

“...”

The vice-Capitain did not answer, disinterested. Zeke raised his voice.

“I guess it must have been hard living there all this time with these ignorant people, but you have to forget them and come back with us. I don’t recognize you.”

“You’re wrong. It wasn’t “hard” to live with them. It was great.”

Reiner confessed his feelings to Zeke because he knew of his chaotic childhood. He knew that behind his emotionless glasses was a man who understood this inner tearing.

His leader sat next to him and fixed the same point on the ground.

“I guess. This is where it’s going to be the hardest for you. You have to grieve for all these knowledge. Force yourself to go out and see others. Even if you don’t want to, the more you see warriors and children, the better you will be. Believe me... that’s what I did when I had to eat Xaver.”

Reiner finally looked at him, touched by his words. If anyone could understand the weight of being a warrior because of the parents and the feeling of loneliness, it was Zeke Yeager.

The Captain grabbed his shoulder to shake it with energy.

“Come on. Be there for people who need it.”

“Thank you, Capitain.”

The bearded man smiles.

Chapter Text

“Hello Captain.”

“Hello Pieck.”

She slammed the door.

"Can we know what’s going on with you ? What’s the problem with her ?"

“There’s nothing to say. She just disappeared.”

"Didn’t you tell us you were taking care of her ? That you’d handle her properly ?"

“I guess I overestimated myself.”

"You know what I think ? I think you let her get away."

A fake laugh from Zeke’s throat.

“I have absolutely no interest in her disappearing. You can see the situation I’m in.”

“I would like you to answer a question honestly.”

“I can try.”

“From the beginning I’ve found there’s something wrong between you two.”

"Well done."

“You let her go because you knew her from the beginning.”  He lights a cigarette. "Did you know her ?"

“Who knows ?”

He pulled on his cigarette and looked out the window without paying attention to Pieck.

“You realize what that means ?  You should have let her go from the beginning !  Stop pretending to ignore me ! Don’t you see what a mess we’re in because of you ? Knowing them, they will most certainly take away our titans and our families will be on the street because they will believe that we knew. You are not just a soldier who can afford to play the fool, you are our Captain, Zeke !"

"Yes I know I’m pathetic ! Voila ! You wanted to hear me say it ?" he totally cracked, a real break in voice. "What do you want me to do now ? What have I done in my life ? Tell me, Pieck ! I have never done anything in my entire life ! Normally people find a partner, fall in love, have children, spend time with their siblings… and me ? Besides slaughtering thousands of people like a kid playing a game, what did I do ? I only have a few months left before I give my titan to Colt and what have I achieved in my life ? In the morning I get up to concoct weapons of mass destruction, at noon I talk to the warriors to make sure they make as many victims as possible, in the evening I go home alone taking care to terrorize all the subordinates I meet only for “have fun”… God… I even ended up kidnapping a girl by dragging her like an animal in front of everyone…” He collapsed to the ground with his head down, holding back with all his strength the painful tears that were fighting to get out of his sockets. Pieck had knelt down to him and she didn’t know what to do except put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “I'm tired… I can’t bear myself anymore…”

“You’re far from alone in this, Zeke…” she searched for his words, completely overwhelmed by the situation, she had never seen him like that. “I think it’s normal that you crack like that… who is right and who is wrong to do what he does ? We would never have the answer. Apart from telling you to enjoy the last few months I don’t know what to tell you…”

Reminding him of the fate of their warrior status, Pieck remembered that she too did not have much time left. About 4 years.

“Are you going to tell me that in a few months I will be able to start a family ? To love this family ? I am stuck in this joke… I thought I could change things by doing the dirty work but I realize that it does not lead to anything… Tell me honestly, Pieck, why are we doing this ?”

“…to hono-”

“Don’t tell me to honor Marley. We have never been Marleyans. They despise us, they continually belittle us. I shouldn’t complain as I am the highest ranking Eldian in the country but even I am considered shit…”

“Zeke…”

“In the end … my father was right … I’m useless…”

The bearer of the Beast Titan wept with a deep voice, fists clenched against the ground.

°°°°°°°°°

Sleeping. It’s never been so complicated since your discussion with Levi and all that it brought. As soon as you closed your eyes, Kenny’s mocking face formed in your mind, parasitizing all your dreams.

Dad... it's is Kenny.

While you managed to put Erwin’s face in front of this label, now that Kenny’s was rivaling him. Of course, he had never really educated you, but every little moment spent with him remained engraved in your head.

And Levi... he was your cousin. You may have seen him in the Underground. No, he was too old for that.

The sun began to point the tip of its nose and a first ray dazzles your face. You hardly lifted your head from the mattress, hair parasitized by pieces of straw and light dark circles in the eyes.

“Hi !” Hange who had been waiting patiently for you to wake up threw herself on the mattress. “Slept well, girl ?”

There is nothing to say. Her radiant smile could warm your heart at any time.

"Not too much." you say rubbing your eyes. "But I think I don’t have too much to complain because I’m the only one who slept on a mattress."

“Oh don’t worry. It sets your mind back to sleeping on the floor.”

She placed her hand on yours at the same time that you passed the room.

“Where are the others ?”

“They went to get some food. I absolutely need to make you some stew. I know Levi loves it.”

You laughed together, remembering how the Captain spit out the food Hange gave him on one of your missions.

“I’d like to stretch my legs too. Would you like to come with me ?”

“Not too far, there are always Titans who can come but fortunately for you...” She got up from the mattress and approached her bag and pulled out some mechanical material. “I thought about bringing you your equipment !”

You collapsed back against your mattress with a sigh of relief.

“Thank God. I will finally be able to get rid of these horrible clothes and finally slaughter Titans.”

Hange chuckled and put your equipment on the ground.

“I’ll watch outside. Take your time.”

You didn’t waste your time daydreaming before putting on your new clothes and especially... your equipment. That equipment Erwin introduced you to shortly after he brought you back from the Underground.

Once the belts were well fastened, you took a big breath of oxygen as if you were starting from scratch.

Hange jumped when you opened the door forcefully, ready to fight the monsters.

“Wow, it’s nice to see you like that.”

“I missed my cape. Thank you for bringing it back even though it’s a bit damaged.”

“No problem ! I tried to sew the holes but it’s not great. Sorry.”

You began to walk on the earth. It was rather nice today. A small cool wind helped to reduce the overwhelming heat of the rising sun.

"Levi told me about yesterday." Hange began, looking straight ahead. “We should have known you were from the same family with the way you talk."

“But... imagine it’s not true. That it turns out I’m not Kenny’s daughter.”

It was always so weird saying that about Kenny.

“Well, given what you remember and Kenny’s demeanor as described by Levi, I think doubt is less and less allowed.”

“So basically, I blackmailed with my father’s safe house to my adoptive father. Too weird.”

Hange looked at you with a big smile.

“I never heard you say Erwin was your adoptive father. Does that mean you consider me your mom ?”

In spite of yourself, you blushed hard in front of this confidence that you let you escape.

“I’ve never had a mom, so I guess... you’re the closest one to be it.”

She took your hand while you kept walking.

“It pleases me.”

You raised your head to show her a grateful and moved smile but when you looked up at her, you saw behind her a beige shape.

Noticing your frozen face, she turned around and saw a Titan blocked in a precise position. This Aberrant did not seem to move, he was on all fours, his head bent to the sides. 9 meters, estimated Hange.

She pinched her lips and turned to you again, delighted to see you as enthusiastic as she was.

“Together ?” you asked.

“Always.”

Reactivated your gauze and rushed into the air made you resume your sensations of soldiers. An energy trapped inside you was released and it quickly gave the opportunity to position yourself correctly to hit the Titan's neck effectively.

But this Titan wasn’t ordinary.

You had anchored your cables in his flesh to gain enough momentum but his next movement brutally restrained you in your attack. He started to run through the trees with staggering speed, dragging you behind him.

Hange found it hard to keep up trying to find his way through the forest, the Titan was too random. For a moment, he turned back violently, you narrowly avoided a voluminous branch. Hange held her breath when she saw you do a special trick to keep you safe and keep following the Titan.

“(Y/n) ! Let him go, he doesn’t seem interested in us !”

“Please Hange, let me take care of him !” you flew into the air.

Actually, you felt different about this Titan. Your strength impressed you and your way of improvising movements according to his. Everything seemed easier than in your memories.

You even started thinking about a dangerous move to get rid of him. If you could get under him, and if you were fast and nimble enough, you could first slit his throat and then take advantage of his reaction time to go up and cut his neck.

Your sudden surge of confidence allowed you to have enough audacity and get started. You ignored Hange’s cry behind you and threw yourself under the restless Titan, stuck between the ground and his belly. As if your path was all drawn, you passed without problem under it and took out your blades.

This nostalgic sound gave you shivers.

With a quick and effective movement, you turned on yourself and managed to cut his throat deep enough to immobilize him a few seconds. This is where you took the opportunity to go up in the air, anchor your cables on the two nearest trees, and threw yourself with all your strength on him.

His neck exploded, almost carrying off his head. The Aberrant collapsed, squirting a very large amount of blood and smoke.

You fell a little further into the grass, the heart beating with an almost new adrenaline. You were about to look around, looking for Hange when a violent blow behind your head made you moan in pain.

“What the hell was that ?”

Levi’s stern voice followed. He was joined by the rest of the group, their arms full of food.

“What ?” You responded aggressively like a teenager by rubbing your head.

“You almost got eaten, idiot. Since when do you make such stupid decisions ?” he roared as he readjusted his bag of potatoes.

“I killed him, what’s your problem ?”

“(Y/nnnn).” Hange said, trotting towards you, visibly out of breath. “I would rather die because of a Titan than a heart attack, please. They trained you to fight the Titans better there or what ?”

“Why are you yelling at me ? I just killed a Titan !”

This time, Levi didn’t answer you or hit you, he just looked at you almost stunned.

What happened there so that you would consider it easy and normal to shoot down a raging Aberrant in the forest ? Moreover with such special acrobatics ?

Normally, only Levi or Mikasa achieved such feats. And even if you were formidable in combat, you would never have taken such a risk. Something had definitely changed.

The increasing tension came down suddenly when Hange grabbed Connie’s bag of carrots.

"Oh my God ! You are incredible ! I promise you we will have a feast this afternoon !" she exclaimed joyfully. "Not true Levi ?" She nudged her comrade to detach his attention from your angry look.

“Tch.”

That’s all he said before he went first to the cabin. Everyone followed to the Indian queue in an embarrassed silence.

“Hey (Y/n).” Jean challenged you.

“What ?”

“You keep talking in your sleep. I barely slept because of you.”

You knew him well. He didn’t say that to annoy you or embarrass you, it was just teasing comrades.

“Really ? Then I hope I insulted you.”

You laughed heartily together. It’s been a long time. I mean, thinking about it a little more, not so much because it was about a week ago. And yet these few days had seemed to you to be an eternity. Each day brought even more questions and anxieties. You came out completely transformed.

First you went there with the aim of killing all Marleyans. All. But in reality, from the first day, you realized the absurdity of the thing.

So you finally thought that killing everyone responsible for transforming the Titans and sending them to your island was a better option. But again, as soon as you saw these warrior children, you felt stupid again. Kill children ? Never.

So the idea of finally killing those who hurt you directly seemed to be the best. Until you see Annie, helping you. Then Reiner... who more than helped you. In two days, he had destroyed the weak mask of emotions that you had built against him.

In the end the last one left... was always the bearded. And you’ve already sincerely wondered, why didn’t he restrained you when Reiner openly lied to get you away. Why did he defend you so much when you killed the Marleyan ? Why, you as a slave, did he give you so much freedom ? There was no excuse for what he had done but something was wrong.

As if finally... you didn’t really blame him.

You went back to the abandoned house. After putting a little order and getting rid of your respective equipment, you all sat in a circle waiting for the famous stew that Hange had carefully prepared.

All along, you kept bickering with others like you were kids again. You were sitting between Jean and Sasha, all together hungry.

"Uh... so what do we do ?" suddenly asked Connie, deciding to talk first about the real situation.

"What do you mean, Connie ?" Jean asked.

“Well... the mission was to recover (Y/n), now that it’s done, what do we do ?”

"I guess we have two choices." Armin began. “Either we go back to the island to better prepare for a potential assault, or we go right away but we may not change something. But we don’t have to attack right away, we can surely get inside the population to learn more.”

"I agree." Eren simply replied, always with his head without emotions.

Does he want to give himself a style or something ?

“I think we should go home and bring more people back with us. We’re not going to do anything on our own.” Sasha said, pinching her belly to forget her hunger.

“No, we must go now ! Especially because of what happened to (Y/n) !” Jean replied firmly.

“I think we should go home too.” You finally talk, silencing everyone.

“What ?”

“Don’t think it’s because I’m scared or anything, but I saw what was going on there. Marleyans or Eldians, in the end, everybody hates us. Us, Paradise monsters. But to be honest... I don’t blame them. I saw how they lived. I saw how the two peoples could not coexist because of the old wars. I went there to kill them all but I was put in front of reality and it’s so much more... complicated.”

"I’m not surprised." said Hange, stirring the stew. "It’s beyond us, for sure. It’s like most wars, everyone has their reasons to do what they do, whether it’s good or bad. That’s war. And unfortunately... you have to make a choice.”

“A choice ?”

“Are we going to hide until the end of our lives to avoid killing thousands of innocent people but condemn our fellow human beings or are we going to try to free our people, even if it means destroying another ?”

No one has responded.

The world is cruel and ruthless.

But it have to make a choice.

“I want to avenge our people.” Jean suddenly said. “I want to make sure that every death we have suffered has served a purpose.”

“I agree.” Eren agreed.

"Maybe we can wait a little bit." said Armin, reluctant.

"We should not." his best friend replied incisiveness. “I’m surprised, (Y/n), I thought you wanted to kill all the traitors. Do you remember ? You would spend whole nights telling me how much you hated them. Bertolt, Annie, Reiner, the beard-”

"That’s right." You cut him off, feeling your blood heating up. "I said that. And you know what ? It was a mistake. The proof is thanks to Reiner that I got out of this hell. What do you say, Eren ?”

“I say that it was thanks to Reiner that my mother died. And a hell of a lot of people.”

“Until you see inside this city, you will never understand how complicated it is.”

You never thought you’d say that speech.

Eren did not answer. He simply looked at you with his mysterious emerald eyes.

"So you want to wait, (Y/n) ?" asked Jean.

“Yes, I do.”

“Not me.” Everyone turned to the Captain who hadn’t taken his eyes off you. “I can’t wait. You blamed me for didn't wanting to leave and kill that bearded asshole, (Y/n) ? Now that we’re so close, I guarantee you I can’t hold back. Already the Regiment, then Erwin, and now you. You can tell me what you want about 'nobody’s right, nobody’s wrong', I’ll just destroy him."

To your astonishment, these last words stirred something in you.

“No.” You looked at him. “I’m going to kill him. I told him.”

"Oh and you did ?" he scolded.

This accusation deeply humiliated you. Your hands tightened on your empty bowl.

“I will do it.”

“No, you're incompetent.”

You stood up brutally, caught by an indomitable anger.

“Go live what I have lived and you will see how easy it is to kill this giant fucking monkey.”

"Sit down." he replied without looking at you.

“No, I’m not going to sit down. What’s your fucking problem ? You come to save me and then you yell at me for nothing and tell me I’m incompetent ?”

“Sit down !”

“Fuck you, you dwarf !” you shouted, throwing your bowl on the ground and quickly leaving the place.

You walked fast without realizing that someone had followed you. You were about to return to the attacking position to fight the Captain but was surprised to see Mikasa.

“You finally called him a dwarf. Thank you.”

Laughing so suddenly with Mikasa was the surprise of the day.

“He’s certainly going to beat me up when I get back, but too bad. I couldn’t take it anymore. Seriously, what’s wrong with him ?”

“You know, I think we underestimated his nervousness, and since he’s been holding back for years from going out and beating this guy up, I think he’s a little mad at you for leaving... without him.”

“Seriously ? He’s a kid. Well, I’m a kid too, but I’m more legitimate than he is.”

She giggled.

“That’s true. But I understand what you mean when you said you want to go home. I admit that I just want Eren to feel safe, but he seems to be doing everything he can to plunge into danger.”

“Speaking of which, do you understand his behavior ? Looks like he’s gonna kill us if we don’t go to Marley.”

“I admit that he talks less and less and with Armin we worry a little more every day. He keeps everything to himself so we don’t really know what he wants except to go on Marley. But you know him, constantly talking about freedom.”

"Yeah... but that’s the problem, there is almost no more freedom than at home. I’m afraid of what Eren might do if he realizes it.”

“Yes you’re right... I hope he talks to us before something bad happens...” she swallows. “What about you ? Did you see the bearded man ?”

"Uh... yes..."

“You don’t have to answer me but-”

“I tried to kill him but... I did it wrong. I attacked him when he was human, he would have to transform so that he would be weak enough so that I could attack him without fear that he would turn back.”

She put a powerful hand on your shoulder.

“We’ll help you. I promise.”

And although his strength and kindness calmed your anger, that always strange and mixed feeling was fighting inside you.

°°°°°°°°°

When you came back, everyone had already started their soup and was eating in gastronomic silence.

You and Mikasa took your seats and took your bowls fully filled. While taking your spoon, you looked for Levi's but he ignored you, sometimes making the grimace while chewing the stew. Basically, you were sorry. Mood swings like that, it happened very rarely but when it did, it was always at Levi. There was only him you could get mad at. The others were far too nice.

Except once, you remember your one big fight with Erwin. It was horrible. And it was Levi who tried to temper.

"Here, eat, (Y/n) I did it with love." said Hange.

"It’s super good, Hange !" Sacha sprang up, her mouth full of potatoes.

“If it wasn’t so crispy, I might have agreed.” Levi muttered.

“Oh sorry, vegetables grow in the ground and I’m not a thorough cleaner. It adds texture !”

The meal continued slowly without anyone daring to talk about the situation again. It was still nice to share a moment of relaxation with your comrades.

But the more you drank the soup, the more you felt like the liquid was shaking in your spoon. For a moment, you stopped eating and just looked at your bowl.

The more time went by, the more the ground seemed to tremble under your feet. You looked up at Levi, who exchanged the same look as you. As soon as he had time to say, 'Did you hear that ?' a gigantic rock crushed half the hut.

Fortunately, no one was hit by the attack and you all jumped on your feet to find out what was going on.

A group of medium-sized Titans had thrown themselves at your location, destroying some of your equipment. Definitely Aberrants.

“Go get your gear if you find it ! If you don’t, go in pairs !” ordered the Commander.

And obviously, your equipment had become a pile of useless metal under the rubble.

"Get on my back !" cried Jean, newly equipped.

You did what he said and quickly, you moved away in a group of monsters to return to the forest.

"How come we didn’t hear them." Connie asked in the air.

But you didn’t have to think long. It was obvious.

"That’s him !" you replied, on Jean’s back. "It's the bearded who transformed them to find us !"

You all landed on branches a little further in the rush.

Eren was on Mikasa’s back. Armin was on Hange’s. And the others had managed to keep their own equipment.

After your supposition, the Commander looked at his Captain. Levi’s expression did not hide anything.

“I'll go first.” he simply says, preparing to jump into the void.

“Wait !” you shouted, almost in despair. Fortunately, he stopped. “He is certainly not alone. There must be the Cart and the Jaw and the Female and maybe the Armored... and that’s not counting their arsenal. They have stuff that shoots bullets so fast that it can kill us in 1 second. We cannot attack such a force !”

“Cut the crap (Y/n) ! One day you tell me you want to kill him, then you changes your mind, and then when I tell you I’m going to take care of it, you refuse because you want to do it, and now you want to run away again !” he cried, hair in the wind.

“I know ! I’m sorry ! I... I was a fool from beginning to end but listen to me ! If we fight now, we’ll all probably die and...” you looked at him for the first time with tears in your eyes. “...and I don’t want you to die.”

It was with these last words that Levi’s momentum stopped. He took a step back, realizing how much in a few days you had changed. You would never have told him that before even if he knew you meant it.

But time was running out a new direct attack forced you to still jump out of the tree.

Sasha screamed in surprise when she heard a first shot.

You called her and she understood the danger.

“Let’s continue as much as possible in the forest ! Eren, don’t turn now !”

You glanced at the young man who seemed to be just watching the spectacle unfolding before his eyes as Mikasa carried it.

You all rushed to escape the agile Titans behind you. It reminded you of your first encounter with the Female Titan.

And while you were wondering how you were going to get out of it, you saw blond hair in the distance. No it was neither the bearded nor the Female titan. It was a Titan you had never seen before but his small size, his claws and his impressive fangs made no doubt that in his  identity. It was the Titan Jaw ! The blond Porco you saw in Zeke’s office.

“Here ! The Jaw Titan !” you screamed in the ears of Jean who turned his head to look at him.

"Scum." he murmured, adjusting his position.

“We won’t be able to continue this for long, Commander ! Gas reserves are not unlimited !”

"Damn... I know !" replied Hange, thinking about the best technique to adopt. “There is a good chance that they will be there for Levi and Mikasa if the bearded is with them ! I doubt they will know that you are also Ackermann (Y/n).”

"No... but I don’t think so." you say, looking into the void.

“What don’t you think so ?”

“I don’t think he’s there for Levi and Mikasa. He really didn’t want to see them again, so...”

"No, it must be for Eren !" Armin shouted like a stroke of genius. "We must absolutely hide him !"

It was strange and even self-centered, but you had a firm intuition that it wasn’t for Eren either. Because even if you had escaped, what were the chances that they would know that Eren was one of your saviors ? You could have escaped alone. And the Marleyans wouldn’t have sent that many soldiers if they weren’t sure their target was close.

It was certain for you, Zeke had managed to get them to come for you but how would he have done to convince them ? Just because he wanted to find his slave ? No, there was something else...

"Jean !" shouted Sasha as he saw the Jaw leap behind him.

Fortunately he was one of the best in vertical maneuvering equipment. Thanks to his abilities, he managed to perform a back flip and barely avoid the sharp claws of the Titan. But this attack fueled your paranoia that you were target number one.

“He is fast !”

“Connie ! Watch out !”

You all crossed in a zig zag, avoiding from time to time the attacks of the Aberrants who were of a minimal dangerousness next to the Jaw which harassed you very clearly.

That’s where Levi understood. He used his cables to turn around and stand next to you and Jean.

"Everybody put on your hood !" he ordered and everyone obeyed. "Come with me." he shouted.

But you realized it. You were screwed. You had no chance. And you were actually about to do that stupid, tragic hero thing and turn yourself in to the enemies.

“I warn you, if you don’t listen to me, I will make you regret Kenny’s treatments !”

And this strange threat reminded you of something. It was your family. They were all your family. You had enough stupid stuff for today.

And despite the fear and panic, you smiled at him, which suddenly calmed him down.

You jumped on his back and let Jean escape a little further. Levi was much faster than the others and dared to take risks. Especially with the Aberrants who continued to follow you.

"Take my blades !" he said to you as he lowered a little to get closer to the Titans.

He rushed to the ground and you coordinated your movements with his to cut the legs of a four-legged Titans who threatened to attack Sasha. Then he came back up so that you could finally kill it.

At that time, you cherished this complicity with... your cousin. Yeah too weird. But too funny.

But this moment of lightness was quickly interrupted with the arrival of another protagonist. You have well recognized the body made of pink flesh rushing towards you with violence.

The Female Titan ran towards you as if you had plunged back into the past.

Except she was following Porco who was always looking for you. Now that you were hidden under your hood, she didn’t know who she had in front of her if she suspected it.

You clung ferociously to Levi who understood that the situation was increasingly desperate. Even if Eren turned, it wouldn’t change the outcome of the fight.

On your side, you caught yourself thinking something. You wanted to see Zeke now. You knew, weird as it was, he wouldn’t do anything to you. While other warriors would certainly not care. If you begged him not to touch your friends and promised you’d come back, he would.

But he wasn’t there.

Only the attack attempts of the two intelligent Titans were the threat. And things got worse when Sasha began to descend.

“Shit ! I’m out of gas !”

"I’m coming !" cried Jean as he caught up with her.

“Hange !”

But the Commander did not know what to do. For the first time, the situation seemed to be hopeless. And the shots in our backs seemed to come closer.

“Hange !”

“I’m thinking !”

"I have nothing either !" alerted Connie, with Armin on his back.

Levi didn’t say it, but you saw that his anchoring power was also diminishing. That was the end. The steps of the Female Titan on your back looked like earthquakes.

You saw the light of day. And you brought your mouth to the Captain's ear closer.

“As Kenny used to say, it must be it runs in the family to be such a jerk.”

Levi’s answer never reached you because you dropped back when you saw the feet of the Feminine close enough to you. You had exchanged a sad look with her, imagining Annie’s face inside. She looked at you with the same intensity, making you a silent promise.

You fell from several meters before being caught in the palms of the intelligent Titan. Levi’s cry drove away the last of the surrounding birds.

She closed her hands on you and stopped immediately. You heard almost nothing and very quickly, you began to worry because she had closed her hands so as not to bring in oxygen.

Then, you felt her move back, shaking you around. The voices of your friends have gone further and further away, but you’ve heard something else. Something sound like : 'Shit ! Jaw !' from the Marleyans.

As you missed the air more and more. You almost smiled and went unconscious imagining what Levi had just done.

°°°°°°°°°°

It was silly. But it was necessary. There was no other way out. There was no other way but to go back to Marley... right ?

And it was a sharp pain in your arm that finally opened your eyes. Fortunately for your retinas, it was dark. The room was small and made of dirty stones. You came out completely of your sleep when you saw a silhouette on the side. A man in a white coat was stowing away an array of instruments. He heard your groan of pain at your numb body and turned around.

"Hello Madam."

“Argh… who are you ?”

“Avoid moving too much, your body is too dehydrated.”

His warning did not prevent you from starting to pull on the ties that kept you sitting on a chair trying to regain your senses.

"I remember ... the Marleyans ... no, what do you want ? He asked you to torture me ? And… where are my friends ?"

“Calm down. No one is going to torture you. I would never allow that to happen to someone like you.”

"What do you mean, like me ?"

Without paying attention, he pulled a large syringe out of his kit.

“I’m telling you to relax.”

He approached you and put a hand on your wrist chained and you took the opportunity to give him a head-butt. He recoiled abruptly, using his arm to cover his new wound to the nose.

Through the blood that flooded his mouth, his unhealthy smile bristled your hair.

“We were right… Guard !”

Your eyes moved towards the only door that opened a few seconds later. Three Marleyans soldiers entered, a mixture of disgust and anger on their face.

Before the door closed you saw, hidden in the corner of the room opposite, the reflection of Zeke’s round glasses.

His sorry face is all you remember from the last few minutes they left you before they violently grabbed you.

The door slammed, locking you in with them. You fought against them but with three, they managed to hold your arm to let the man in the blouse push this syringe into your skin.

The pain was instantaneous and did not stop. Your brain only focused on one thing, scream and cry without worrying about the rest to finally fall into unconsciousness.

°°°°°°°°°

Behind the door, Zeke almost broke down the lock when you called for help.

You called him. No one else. His name came out of your mouth. Not Erwin, Hange, Levi, or Reiner. It was his own.

He really imagined coming as a prince charming, annihilating the other 4 men, you untie this chair and get out of this hell. But the duty of Captain of the Warriors had to pass first.

Magath told him what was going to happen, and he even told him that if he wanted to participate, he could do it. After all— she remained his slave.

°°°°°°°°°

Your vision was reduced to a small central point that allowed you to see the metal door in front of you. You could hear your breathing as if it were someone else’s. And the feeling of attachment to the chair had become stronger. You felt like you were getting deeper and deeper.

Omnipresent parasitic noises drew your attention. Your heavy head moved towards its sounds but the pain of your neck made you moan.

The voice rang out.

“Listen to my voice and tell me what you see.”

“See what…? I don’t see anything…”

“It’s coming. You’re going to relive the beginning of your life and I want you to tell me every detail.”

“What th… what does it matter to you ? Why… Ah !”

The dull pain in your temples was unbearable. The sweat in your face seemed to burn your skin and unfortunately… he was right…

As you blinked, shapes appeared before you. Your heart was beating so hard against your chest because of the toxin that you couldn’t move. You were just watching.

"Tell me and the pain will disappear. What do you see ?"

“Ah… I… the ground…”

"Is there anyone ?"

"I think... AH ! Shit !"

As if a feedback burned your eardrums, your head was shaking in all directions.

"How many people are there ? Is it a woman ?"

“No ! ah… Kenny…”

"Who is this ?"

“This is… my dad…”

You did not feel it but the doctor saw among the drops of sweat that littered your cheeks and the warm tears that your mind could not hold back.

"Is he your father ? Is there anyone else ? Are there children ?"

“No… we are all alone…. on the ground…”

“Keep going, if you see anyone else tell me.”

“I see…my…friends…”

“No, go back and be attentive to those close to your father.”

“But there’s no one ! There’s never been anyone… just a little bit Kenny, but then… no one…”

“Don’t you remember your mother ?”

“No…I don’t know what happened to her…please stop it…”

"You have to make sure you don’t have anyone else in your family. Is there anyone else besides Kenny ?"

“I don’t know…how I can remember this… please… help me…”

“Well… I’ll give you some calming, maybe it’ll help you.”

In the fog of your peripheral vision, you saw the syringe again.

“No… no please ! I don’t remember anything ! I swear ! Stop !” He thrust his horribly long needle into the inside of your elbow, the pain was indescribable. You flip your head back, eyes drowning in your tears. "Zeke !"

°°°°°°°°°°°

He put his hand on the handle. The metal could have deformed under the pressure of his force encouraged by rage.

He knew how painful the toxin could be. Physically and mentally. A sense of self-destruction takes the one who has it in his blood. He knew it because it was he who designed it. It was his fault.

So he decided it was too much. And he finally broke down the door.

He must have restrained himself from rushing towards you when he saw you red and delirious next to the doctor.

"Zeke ? Want to come and see ?"

“No, I’m here to stop this.”

Your sobs of despair became sobs of relief when you saw him like this.

“I’m not done yet, I think we’re on the right track.”

“Look at her. If she remembered something, she would have said it already. The toxin does not create a false memory, so we have to face the facts: she is alone.”

“Mmm…I’m going to Magath to talk to him about it, but he may not like it.” the man groaned as he walked to the door.

Once he was sure that the man would not return, Zeke approached you and knelt before your stiff body. You had dropped your head down, your hair covering your face.

He hesitated a moment before putting his hand on your cheek to see a little more clearly but he ended up doing it.

His touch was so soft that you instinctively moved your head closer to his embrace.

“I’m sorry…I hope they stop soon but I promise to get you out.”

“So… what are you waiting for ? Free me…. Please… Zeke…"

His name coming out of your mouth, begging him, made his poor heart beat as fast as yours. Except he had no drugs in his blood.

He put his second hand on yours still attached.

“I will. But we have to wait. It’s… it’s complicated…”

You finally looked up at him. Behind your strands of hanging hair, your tortured face tore his heart.

“Help me…”

He would have hugged you. He would have comforted you as he could, but it would have been too unwelcome.

His hand tightened on yours, he struggled with his frustration and bowed his head in front of you.

“Forgive me … for everything … I’m so sorry.”

"Zeke !"

Magath’s deep voice startled him. 

"Yes ?"

He clenched his teeth to regain a neutral expression before turning around.

"What were you doing kneeling ?"

“I…”

"He tightened the bonds that I have on my ankles." You cut him off, carried by an irrational anger towards the newcomers. Zeke looked at you shocked by your lie. You looked at the General with challenge. “And he’s right, because if I ever get out of here, a Titan attack would seem nice next to what I can do to you.”

"Stop." Zeke murmured with concern.

"And you said you had her under control, Zeke ?"

The bearded man turned his head slightly towards, falsely contemptuous.

"Don’t worry." he said in a deep voice. "She listens to me. Right, (Y/n) ?"

For the first time, Magath raised his dark eyebrows in front of the firm tone and the use of your name. His astonishment was joined by the relief when he saw you lowering your head.

You weren’t stupid. You knew that if you had at least a small chance of getting out, it would be thanks to Zeke. And even if his tone made you want to gut him, you understood that it was for your own interest.

The blond turned to his colleagues.

“Let me handle it until we finish all the experiments. Even though I don’t think we’ll learn more.”

Unfortunately, Magath’s dark gaze did not go in this direction. He looked at the leader of the warriors with suspicion.

“You can take care of her. But always in the presence of a Marleyan.”

“At your command, sir.”

Then the door closed. But Zeke stayed for 1 minute. Despite the fog in which the toxin locked you in, his distinct smell was still there.

You heard him pass by you and touch the metal instruments on the table.

“Zeke...” you clench your teeth, struggling with pain and visions.

"Shhh." He murmured, not in a frightening way but in a truly reassuring way.

“My friends...”

“...” He took your wrist to expose your arm. “They’re all fine. Levi is still fit, I’m told.”

Your heart warmed. This stupid plan still worked.

“Where are they ?”

"Not here." he said just before he placed the eel on your arm.

You clenched your fist in a weak attempt to push him away.

“You... why are you doing this ? You idiot.”

You heard him withhold a nervous but sad laugh.

"Cause I’m an idiot." He injected this new one. You would have thought it would hurt you again, but this time you felt nothing but a feeling of lightness. “Now sleep.” He says with a distant voice.

°°°°°°°°°°

A horrible day for Marleyans soldiers. Certainly, they had brought this stranger/ slave home but he had lost many soldiers but above all... they had lost the Jaw...

Eren had only fought for one reason : Eat the Jaw Titan. And he had succeeded.

And it was after the death of Porco that the Marleyans decided to turn around because they understood that they would never manage to catch the 3 Ackermann at once.

1 was enough according to the Marleyans scientists. And this one seemed more docile than the other 2 only thanks to Zeke. And it is thanks to this link that Magath had forgiven him the murder that had made his slave and her escape.

Because from the beginning, he had told everyone that she had escaped under his supervision. He never mentioned Reiner.

His right hand was considered innocent to everyone. Except to Annie who was not fooled. The carrier of the Armored had managed to escape the mission of recovery of the Ackermann and pretending to take care of the children.

God... he felt so bad about being so useless. She was to be forcibly brought back to Marley again and it was Zeke who warned him not to attempt to speak to HIS slave otherwise he would denounce him. Though deep down he was seriously beginning to doubt his leader’s devotion to Marley.

After giving a summary of the day to the Marleyans authorities, one of the soldiers knocked on the door of the meeting, visibly breathless.

"General Magath !"

"What is it ?"

“We… found something incredible.”

"Well, explain yourself instead of looking at me like that."

"You remember, almost 20 years ago, a traitor among us called "the owl" sheltered one of the primordial titans ?"

"What does this have to do with anything ?"

“Imagine that we found his old hideout, as well as many notes he took before he disappeared.”

"And ?"

“And I think you should be interested. Look here…” he handed the manuscript to Magath.

“I managed to find Dina Yeager’s biological tree and doubt is no longer possible. She is a descendant of royal blood. I must warn Grisha.” the General read, realizing all the implications.

They did not realize it, but behind the door, Boy Wonder had glued his ear to the wood without their knowledge.

Shit.

****past anecdote*******

Hange came out of the corridor, caught by the noise, to enter the courtyard where the soldiers could rest and prepare but today, it seemed more lively than usual.

There was a fight. And as she feared, you were fighting. Or rather, you were beating someone else. Floch.

“(Y/n) ! What are you doing ?” she said, pulling you back from the young man’s lying body. “What’s going on here ?”

“What is a shithead like him doing in the Regiment ?” you roar.

"I’d rather be a shithead than a traitor !" the boy replied, wiping the blood on his face.

“You b-!”

“Silence !” Levi’s lead voice sounds, silencing everyone. “Everyone goes back to their room. Now.”

Hange held you in place until everyone left the court to leave the three of you.

She finally lets you go.

"What’s going on ?" Hange asked meekly.

You were biting your blooded lip.

“That bastard called me a... Underground dirty brat.”

Hardly anyone insulted you about your origins. First of all because Captain Levi had the same ones, and especially because every time, Reiner came to defend you. But now he was gone.

And since he was gone, you had become so aggressive that even Jean did not dare to tease you to laugh. It was just Levi and Erwin talking to you like nothing happened and it drove you crazy.

Levi put his hands in his pockets.

“Unfortunately, sometimes you have to work with people you don’t like. And more rarely, you have to work with idiots who say stupid things. That’s the way it is.”

“But that’s not why I hit him.” You answered without calming your anger. “He calls me a manipulated idiot...”

“If you ask me, this kid won’t get very far, so wait for the next expedition.”

"Levi !" challenged Hange, shocked by his words.

“Why isn’t Erwin here ?” you asked without worrying about the murderous looks between the two friends.

“He works in his office.”

“Why isn’t he coming down ?”

“Because he works in his office.”

“...”

“What’s wrong (Y/n) ?”

You lowered your head with a sudden sadness.

“Do you like Erwin, Levi ?”

“Huh ? Well yes. Why ?”

“Even if he’s using you ?” He didn’t answer. You raised your head to him, angry. “Don’t you care that he brought us back from the Underground for our abilities ? And he doesn’t care what happens to us ?”

“Is that what you think ?”

“Yes.”

"Then you are a dirty brat." he said passing by, pushing you away with his shoulder.

You were about to answer, but your eyes were drawn to the imposing silhouette of the Commander who was looking at you from the top of his office window.

You regretted your words when you saw his blue eyes.

Later, Hange encouraged you to go see him. And when you walked through the door, the Commander was not alone. There was also Floch.

And since that day, even though you continued to see him in the apartments of the Regiment, the young man never insulted you again.

Chapter Text

The fog of drugs kept turning your head. Flashes blinded you, icy winds made your skin shiver, ghost voices gave you nausea.

For a moment, you really thought something was touching your wrist. Even better, something took your ties off to get you off the chair. Maybe it was the madness that caught you.

Through your half-closed eyes, a beige cloak broke away from the darkness of the room. Was as if non-existent when you felt yourself taking off from the ground. Instinctively, your head pressed against the softness that tickles your ear. Your numb muscles finally rested after being forced to remain in this sitting position.

Daylight made you bury your head in that softness deeper to protect you. You swore that your body was slightly shaken on all sides as if to rock you. This time, a real sleep knocked at your door.

°°°°°°°°°

He ran. As fast as possible, not even paying attention to your weight in his arms, panic making him gain strength. It was 7pm. Exactly the time when evening meetings began to be alcoholic.

Before Magath came to see him in his office to ask him about the owl’s writings, Zeke had infiltrated the dungeon taking advantage of the general fatigue of the war.

And thanks to that, he finally got his moment of glory by breaking down the door and getting you out of that gloomy room. He had traced his way in his head not to make a detour and get out as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, he had nothing but hope for this escape. No room for a weapon, food or any equipment. 

We just had to get out as soon as possible to escape the new threat.

The inheritance of both your blood.

°°°°°°°°

Through your sleep, you began to discern something really unpleasant. A horrible headache beat you against the temples, forcing you to open your eyes.

Your eyelids, so heavy, blinked a first time before beginning to assimilate your environment. A wood fire ? We are in the forest ?

It was dark. Only the faint light of the fire illuminated the ground you were on. You were in a comfortable bed… I mean, that’s what you thought until you realized you couldn’t move your arms and legs.

A sudden panic woke you up completely, you began to struggle in the void without your body answering.

“Calm down. It’ll come back.”

Oh.

Fuck.

No.

You looked up at the fire and saw him sitting on a log behind the embers.

“No… no no no ! What did you do ? You kidnapped me and you drugged me ?” he did not answer and preferred to watch the branches burn out. "Zeke !" you challenged him.

"Yes. Or rather I drugged you and then I kidnapped you, but it was in both of our interests."

You burst out laughing with new sarcasm.

"Oh, really ? But you’ve really become a hell of a comedian, huh."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Well, I’ve never seen you like that. Did Levi give you his shitty temper ?"

“Shut your mouth…”

“I guess he did.”

Despite your numb body, you managed to straighten up enough to stick your back to the tree behind you to put you in a sitting position.

You will sigh.

"So what ? Why all this ?"

“Many things… we have more in common than you can imagine.”

"In common ? It is true that Levi has already insulted me with a little infuriating shit but from there to say that it is a common point..."

“I’m obviously not talking about the strange relationship you have with Levi but more about your blood.”

"Our blood ?"

“You may not be aware but we have received the results of the blood test you took at the time of your capture.”

"Yeah ? So I’m a dirty demon, so what ?"

“You are not just a dirty demon… After almost dying at Levi’s hands at the Battle of Shiganshina, I decided to research him and more specifically… on his blood.”

“…”

So this is really true ?

Fuck…

“And it seems you’re an Ackermann.”

You sniffed like a clean evil and spit on the ground.

"And what’s that got to do with you ? You’re gonna tell me you’re an Ackermann too ?"

“No… fortunately or unfortunately for me… for us… I am an heir of royal blood.”

WTFFF

Him ? Of the same lineage as Historia ? Historia being an angel and he a real demon.

You laughed as if to make fun of him but he seemed sincere or even worried.

"So what ? Okay, we both have special blood, so what’s the problem ? It looks like you’re gonna cry."

“Oh, I’m not going to cry, believe me. The problem is that the highs officials learned it.”

"So what ?"

He began to lose patience. You still not understood what he was implied.

"Why do you think I didn’t bring you back ?"

"What do I know ? You’re crazy anyway."

“I ran away to keep us safe.”

"Us ? Why the hell are we hiding ?"

“But are you doing this on purpose or what ?” his voice roared with unusual anger. "A royal heir with a Titan and a real Ackermann. What do you think they would have forced us to do ?"

Oh fuck.

You freeze to his words.

"They would have forced us to have descendants to obtain ultimate warriors." he clarified his words.

Your head fell against the wood behind your back. You were stunned. Zeke had kidnapped you to save you both from doing that. He could have accepted and kept his captain’s place in Marley but he fled. Why ?

"Why are you telling me this ? Is this a threat to blackmail ?"

“This is… a warning. Because I’m going to tell you very clearly. If we’re found by Marley, since they don’t know I’m the one who organized your escape, they’re not gonna turn on me. And to keep their trust, I will have to pretend to be on their side.”

“In other words…”

“In other words, if we are found by Marley… I will have to do what they ask me to do.”

…

…

"Have to ?" you murmured. "My poor little boy… What a horror it is to rape the girl you once assaulted and turned into a slave for fun. Frankly, I pity you.”

You saw him lower his head and put a branch back in the fire.

Rape.

Yeah.

And even though he never really used what he had between his legs to do it, his hands and mouth have already raped you.

He was a fucking rapist. He knew now. Was he sorry ? Probably more a little bit. If we went back, would he not touch you this time ? He knew nothing...

“It was to warn you.”

“That’s so nice. Thank you.”

Damn it. If your body wasn’t this bad, you would have knocked him down.

“Listen…I… I’d like to discuss this. With what’s happening, it’s likely that we don’t have a choice to team up, so I think talking is the best thing.”

"Talk ? But talk about what ? You think I want to hear you talk about your fucking life while you’ve ruined mine ?"

“…you can tell me about yours if you want.  It might help you.”

You were still a little dizzy from the drugs, but your position and the heat of the fire made it more comfortable. Looking at the flames, old, very old memories resurfaced.

The filth you lived in.

The scholarships you had to steal.

The blows you took when you got caught.

The one and only time Kenny stepped in to save you when some poor guy wanted to cut your hand off.

You let go of a nervous little laugh, drawing Zeke’s attention.

“Here, to give you a taste of what will happen to you when my friends meet us again. Know that Levi is my cousin.”

HAHAHA the face that Zeke had to that made you scream with laughter.

“It will surely be deserved.” he admitted, adjusting the firewood.

“What else… one of our friends ate Bertolt so we have the Colossal.” you say trying to show no emotion but looking at him from the corner of your eye.

He raised his eyebrows.

“It’s true that I knew Bertolt very early on. Let’s just say… all warriors are a bit of a family to me too. But you’re not good at hiding your emotions. I can see that his death always moves you.”

"Well done, genius. Go train with someone for years, trusting him to finally die with his head crushed like a watermelon.”

"Even if he had betrayed you ?"

You looked at him with contempt.

“Unlike you, I’m human. I have emotions, so yes.”

"Technically, you are not totally human. Know that you and your dearest cousin come from a Titan Science. It is believed that the royal line has succeeded has biologically changed the instinct and strength of your line to turn you into a guardian for them.”

“Of course. Go tell Levi he’s one of your guards, I’m sure he’ll be happy to do that.”

"Yes, I doubt it. But you should know that an Ackermann develops this instinct towards a person who has managed to radically change it. It seems to me that for Levi it was your Commander for example.”

"Sure, and you’re going to tell me that for me, it’s you ?"

“It could be.” he said, looking over his glasses with a slight smile.

"Go to hell."

"Then why did you defend me in the dungeon ?"

"Because you were the only one I knew. I knew you weren’t going to kick my ass on the spot like those Marleyans pricks."

“Of course.”

You no longer paid attention to his amused smile to focus on your sensations in the legs. After a few hours, you managed to move them normally. Sometimes he would shake the fire to keep it lit, sometimes he would stretch his limbs to avoid cramping.

“We’d better travel at night to avoid the titans as much as possible.” you said.

“Physically, we are not in a state.”

"You speak for me ? I’m better."

"No, I speak for myself. While you were sleeping quietly, I had to transform already twice to avoid you being eaten by others. A night’s sleep is all I ask.”

He turned… for me ?

“And the toxins in your body are still not completely gone, so try to close your eyes for a few hours.”

"You know that because you created this toxin ?"

“…yes.” He replied almost sadly. “I advise you to wait a little longer before you frolic in the forest.”

It’s true that your head kept playing tricks on you. Every blink made you feel like you were getting closer to the fire until you burned.

"Drink water, it will pass."

"Do you have any at hand ?"

“There’s a little river nearby.”

“You just said I couldn’t move.”

"I can carry you there."

“You’re dreaming.”

"All right." he said, adding a branch to the fire.

The spark he made almost startled you. The nausea of the toxin worsened with the flames that seemed increasingly threatening. By looking at them more carefully, you have discerned a face during its combustion.

You uttered a cry of fear when you recognized Erwin’s features.

You got up on your legs to try to get away as much as possible but your body weakened fell a few steps further. Zeke didn’t have time to catch you but got up to kneel to you. His hand grabbed your bicep to try to straighten you but you pushed it away brutally. 

"Don’t you dare touch me !"

You looked at each other for a few seconds, as if all this comedy sounded wrong. Frozen in your respective positions, he ends up blinking, then you too, and finally both lowering your eyes.

He put his arm under your knees and another behind your shoulders while you put one of your hands on his. Then he lifted you up, in silence, and dropped you off near the river.

You dipped your arms in the water to swing it on your face and cool off as you could. And even if the desire to swim seduced you, the fact that Zeke is there quickly made you forget the idea.

After drinking, you sat correctly in front of the river to contemplate the landscape and reflect on your fate. As you watched the horizon mysteriously calm, Zeke’s weight sank the earth to your right. As he was sitting next to you, you did not have the strength to move away.

As time passed, you began to look at the same point in the distance. A small Titan seeming to be stuck in mud was constantly stirring for his survival.

You look side by side at this morbid scene. Together. The minutes passed without any of you talking or moving. The sky began to darken gradually. You had time to see in the distance, dark gray clouds slowly approaching. It won’t be a restful night.

When the coolness of the night came, you said nothing when the bearded again put his arms under your legs and your back to lift you up and bring you back near the fire. In reality, it would not really have been necessary because you felt that you could move again as before. He just decided to do it and you just decided to let him do it. Like an automatism.

°°°°°°°°°

The night was freezing. Horrible. You clumsily shook your fingers to keep your knuckles from freezing. In front of you, Zeke didn’t look better. He was constantly tightening his stomach and arm muscles to warm up.

And it got worse when the cool wind started blowing on the fire. And with it, water droplets began to fall from the cloudy sky.

Why the world is against me...

Zeke stood up, but his shoulders fell when he realized that the fire would not survive. He removed his mantle and sat down against the stone. He placed his garment above his head for a little shelter.

"No need to ask yourself if you want to come and take shelter ?"

"No need." You answered with a sharp voice.

The little drops quickly turned into buckets of water. Your half-hole cape wasn’t going to protect you for long. Besides, it quickly became more bulky than anything else so you threw it on the side with a sigh of frustration.

The icy atmosphere, the rain, the wind became your worst enemies. You even sneezed.

"I have an idea but you may not like it." Zeke always said holding his coat over him.

"I won’t sleep close to you."

He seemed surprised.

"I’ll disappoint you, but it's not that."

Sleep with him to get body heat ? It was you who had the idea first. Who has the most twisted mind now...

"So what is it ?" You responded aggressively to hide your embarrassment.

"I can transform and shelter us with my Titan."

"Yuck, I don’t want to feel your disgusting big Titan monkey hair on my back."

"As you want. Good night."

Fortunately he had time to see your middle finger before biting his hand and turning in front of you.

Hell, his Titan was even bigger than Eren’s.

After completing his transformation, he got up, turned around and walked a few dozen meters further to sit with his back to you.

He distanced himself because he knew it wasn’t going to be nice for you to try to sleep with this monstrous shape just above you.

That’s it. Get out and let me die here...

A kind of disappointment took you.

The minutes passed. They flowed as much as the rain on your frozen and shivering skin. Your hair held that freshness and it became unbearable.

You raised your head several times to see if he had moved but still not.

Your stubbornness will lose you.

°°°°°°°°°

It was much warmer in his Titan. He knew that if he had stayed a little longer he would certainly have fallen ill. Too bad for her. If she likes to behave like a child when the situation is so desperate, then free to her.

He slowly began to close his eyes, enjoying the melody that the rain offered him. That was until he heard staggering footsteps approaching his Titan. He was curious to see what she would try to do. Maybe she took a little maturity to dare to ask someone for help.

Finally, he felt through his neural network, a small pressure against his left leg.

He opened his eyes enough to see the small silhouette of the human rushing against his fur.

She was completely soaked. Her clothing seemed to have merged with her trembling body. Her hands had turned blue and her waterlogged hair stuck to her face, masking her expression.

She sank as she could between his hairs, staggering as if she were drunk.

It was a sad sight but it was clear that at this moment, he found her simply cute.

He lowered his giant hand towards her and put the back of his palm against the ground and right next to her, hoping she would understand what he was doing.

And as if by instinct, and after having raised her head towards him, she walked the 2 meters that separated her from the hand to come to collapse in the middle of it. He pulled her up to present her in front of his Titan face. The powerful wind pushed the girl’s hair to finally reveal her face.

Zeke’s heart began to beat so hard when he saw the grateful smile she showed him despite the storm that surrounded them. As if a bubble had been created for only the two of them, the only thing he said to himself was that he simply wanted to help her.

The rain camouflaged her potential tears but the red of her eyes betrayed nothing.

And yet she smiled at him.

No one.

Absolutely no one had ever smiled at him like that.

His own tears threatened to flow as well.

He moved his hand closer to his hairy torso and used his fingers to protect her from the crash of the rain.

He didn’t know why. But he was sure. He was sure something different was happening. Something so indescribable but so instinctive.

°°°°°°°°

Being hurt and left in the rain and mud. It’s happened to you more than once. At first Kenny came to get you but after a while he got fed up and let you freeze to death while passersby ignored you, too concerned about their own problem.

It was not the soldier adopted by Commander Erwin Smith who walked to collapse against the Beast’s fur, but a little girl from the Underground.

The first thing you said to yourself when you realized that he felt your presence, it wasn’t : Fuck you. You owe me that. You killed my father. No, it was just : Please. Help me.

Naturally, when he offered you his hand, your tears got worse. If he had been closer, he would have heard the thank you you whispered between two snaps of tooth.

He has brought you back to his face and even if the wind has bitten your skin painfully, you smile sincerely at him.

Could you have imagined such a scene ? You were really happy that he was there at that moment. The Beast titan.

He could have rejected you by saying that you wanted to kill him, that you were really horrible with him... but he helped you. Without even getting out of his Titan to shout a taunt at you. He just did it.

When he brought you closer to his torso for shelter, your tears dried thanks to the heat he gave off.

Almost at the same time, and in the same psychological state, you fell asleep away from each other but bound by the same thoughts.

°°°°°°°

In a kind of an other world, you were one of the most powerful soldiers in the world. Unmatched strength, unparalleled agility and loyalty.

Loyalty. To the one you swore to protect because it was your duty. You were the protector of the Chief. The one who ruled these lands. He inspired fear but also admiration. You didn’t count the number of times someone tried to kill him and you always saved his life.

Every time he smiled at you. Sincerely. His blond hair in the wind as he lowered his head towards you to thank you. That was your place. Standing beside him as he judged his people on his throne.

You were happy to be there. Close to him. Your instinct could not do otherwise.

The heat in which you slept only made this dream grow stronger. A dream in which for once you weren't afraid or angry. You were just... fine.

You will protect him body and soul for an unknown reason. No need for words between you, only your eyes were enough.

His blue eyes so beautiful. The way they folded when he smiled at you. The strength you felt when he put a hand on your shoulder.

The mist of your sleep has narrowed enough to allow you to see that it was indeed Zeke.

In your unconscious. In your thoughts. It was always Zeke. And you were happy.

The rubbing of his giant hair finally woke you up. You straightened up and regained consciousness of where you were. You thought you got sick with yesterday’s storm, but you were fine. Certainly that Ackermann blood thing.

When you came to your senses, you found yourself feeling sad. Why ? Good question. You slept well but had little energy. That dream... was so strange... you weren’t angry... you were just... tired.

The hand you were on started to move slightly which forced you to cling to its skin.

The Beast Titan growled slightly, and your attention was drawn to another Titan approaching from the right.

Firmly anchored in his hand you both turned your head at the same time like predators.

Aware that you were awake, Zeke got up and headed for the Titan. He kicked him over, spurting blood in waves on the grass. After looking around to make sure there were no more, he lowered his hand to get you down.

Once you came down, his neck released a large amount of steam until he came out and jumped off his Titan to join you on the ground.

"Why did you get out ? We could have used your Titan to get further away."

"Good morning to you too. And you can’t imagine the energy I used to keep myself transformed all night. I couldn’t have lasted any longer while trying to sleep."

"Yeah. Not very robust."

"That’s not my strong suit."

You instinctively sit on the grass with a sigh.

"Did you sleep well ?" he asked with a smile in the corner of his mouth.

"Yes." You’re thinking. "Thank you."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise and then his ironic smile turned into a sincere smile.

"You’re welcome."

He sat down in turn, effectively exhausted from the night.

"Well... what do we do ?" You ask caught by a yawn.

"Unfortunately, we will have to walk until I regain strength."

"I am hungry."

"I have nothing on me."

"Can’t a warrior starve to death ?"

"Haha not so quickly, sorry for you."

You sighed. Almost fun.

"You think you know where your band is ?"

"They probably kept coming around Marley and... I guess Reiner must have told them we ran away. We could wait for them in a house where they kept me after my first escape."

"What about this ?"

"To the north I guess."

"All right, let’s go north."

You began to walk since dawn following the road that the sun indicated to you.

One would never have thought that there had been a storm except perhaps the mud on the ground but the sky was entirely blue.

Your feet feel uncomfortable in the mud but your morning strength allowed you to follow Zeke’s rhythm.

"By the way. You seem to be getting along with Reiner."

"What do you care ?"

"Nothing. I expected it a little but not so much that he risked his life to get you out."

"Nice people exist."

He laughed through the nose.

"Would someone nice have betrayed you like he did ?"

"He certainly wouldn’t have done to me what you did to me."

Zeke lost his smile. One could even see a small vein on his temple but his face seemed struggled.

"I am sorry. "

He would have hoped for an answer. Any answer, even an insult. But you kept walking in the mud as if he had said nothing. You pretended to annoy yourself in front of the earth that was sinking you into the ground, paying no attention to the path you were taking.

"We should talk again about the possibility of being found by marley." he said.

"It won’t happen."

"It’s still possible."

"No."

"Yes. Stop being a kid."

"Start by stopping talking to me." He sighed a little angrier than usual. "Okay, what do you want us to say ?"

"Let’s agree on what might happen."

"Oh because you’re okay with that ?"

"That’s not what I meant. That’s... we don’t have a choice."

"We always have a choice."

"So you’d rather die than-"

"Than being rape again by you ? I think it’s legitimate."

"I don’t want to do it... like that. You should..."

"Say yes ? Go to hell."

You resumed a more energetic walk to walk in front of him without having to look at him.

"I know you have no reason to say yes but look at the situation. Hey ! Are you listening ?"

"No."

He grabbed your shoulder with such strength that you turned to fall face to face with him.

"Listen to me. I don’t want this to happen any more than you do and if you want to know why I did what I did, it was because..."

"Because what?" You yelled at him.

"Because I was angry ! I know that’s no excuse, but you killed a very important man. I did everything I could to protect you from what they might do to you, and then you dare talk to me like a dog in front of them. You can’t imagine what I risked and what I lost because of you ! The support of my warriors, the respect of the Marleyans... my self-esteem... so when I saw you come out of the office, I really believed that my fatigue was going to kill me. I had not planned this at all but I wanted you to realize everything that could happen to you if I was not there and I wanted to give you a preview !"

He took his breath. Yours was stuck in your throat. That’s when you finally noticed the red of his eyes. How exhausted he seemed.

His hand was on your shoulder but you barely noticed it.

"I’m sorry. " he repeated. "I really am ! I... I was no longer myself..."

"Then why did you do it ?" You sincerely asked.

He pulled out his hand and looked at the floor.

"It’s been so many years that I feel lonely. It’s incredibly immature, but when you first looked up at me... I... I felt something strange. In addition to recognizing you... I will have sworn to know you since always. I guess by manipulating people and playing Titan, I lost my mind."

Your belly is twisting in all directions. He was more than sincere, but seeing him like that... reminded you also of the first time you looked him in the eye. The first thing you said to yourself was that he had a pretty face. And most importantly... that you knew him... but it was nothing compared to the day you tried to kill him and he told you he knew who you were. Something had changed. But it was so indistinguishable that you did everything to ignore it.

"Stop... telling me that."

He frowned but saw your dismay. When he opened his heart, he did not expect that at all. At best, a kick in the face.

"You too... you feel it, don’t you ?" You turned around and resumed your walk looking at the void. "(Y/n), we must talk."

"Leave me alone."

He was going to go higher but a noise called out to him, followed by a cannon shot.

Before a second is fired, Zeke grabs you by the waist and you don’t even think about struggling. He bit his hand and 5s later, a slightly deformed Beast Titan stood in front of a Marleyan army with you on his shoulder. 

Even though he was impressive, the army noticed his weakness on the body, especially seeing his almost skeletal legs.

Magath shouted the order to shoot him first in the legs and it is with terror that you recognize the Cart Titan armed.

Inside his Titan, Zeke gritted his teeth. He wasn’t going to be mad at her, Magath must have threatened to kill her family if she refused.

Before pushing his hands into the ground to harvest ammunition, he exchanged a look with you. You didn’t have your equipment and absolutely no weapons. You answered him by holding firmly to his fur so that he could attack.

His first pitch, even if weaker than usual, has already killed a lot of people but Pieck started to run to the side. 

You saw her but realized that it was too easy. Knowing these good old fighting techniques, you turn your head in the opposite direction and see the Female Titan rush at you.

"Zeke !"

He had time to raise his arm to protect his face but Annie’s powerful kick cut half of his head to the bone.

Zeke’s cry bristled your hair. You wanted to fight !

But a dull blow violently pierced the neck of the Beast, taking you in his fall. He fell forward and the Female took the opportunity to deviate slightly. Before he crashed completely into the grass, he put his hand on the ground to catch you. You fell into his palm.

Armed or not, you weren’t gonna let that happen. The skull of the Beast was exploded everywhere, pieces of bone and brains littered the whole grass.

A brute force took you and you threw yourself on one of the pieces of skull when the army arrived. The bone had a pointed shape and it did not take you more to rush towards the exploded neck of the Beast which already began to deteriorate.

"Zeke !" You called him but he didn’t answer.

You ran into the rubble trying to ignore the approaching army. By pushing pieces of flesh here and there, you end up seeing a bloody shape in the middle of all this. You rushed to him and the damage was beyond appeal. 

Zeke had a gaping hole in his belly but his face was intact. The blood he spat continuously reassured you that he was alive.

"I would have told you to... *cough* run but I think it’s too late..."

You knelt down to him.

"And I would have asked you to turn again but I had forgotten that your Titan was really suck."

"Why-*cough* why so much wickedness ?"

The sound of the soldiers came closer.

"Because... why change old habits ?"

He laughed in spite of the blood flooding his throat. You were going to give him another bullying but the barrel of a gun made you shut up.

"Stand up, Ackermann."

Wow, it was so weird to be called that.

You started to stand up without leaving Zeke take your eyes off of him. He saw the gun in your hand and his eyes tried to dissuade you from doing nothing. But you couldn’t let that happen.

With the strength that seemed your blood to give you, you flit and with your momentum smashed the bone against the temple of the soldier. The one shoot in the air by reflex but collapsed backwards. The others ran behind him and started shooting to calm you down, but you knew they were forbidden to kill you.

"(Y/n) stop !" Zeke cried.

You were going to hit the next one but his scream stopped you. There was the Cart Titan, the Female Titan and a hundred soldiers opposite... all the other guns were pointed at you while Pieck opened his mouth to catch Zeke on the ground and carry him.

You saw her lift the wounded body and get closer to the group.

"Drop the weapon !" They screamed at you.

Without knowing why, you looked at Zeke who shook his head with difficulty. Annie’s Titan’s breath made your t-shirt vibrate.

Well... well, we’re in deep shit.

°°°°°°°°

To say that you were worried when Zeke was sent to another place than you was can be exaggerated. But you just wanted to know what was going to happen.

Even if you knew pretty much what was waiting for you.

You froze in your cell, fear, apprehension and... shame.

How will it happen ? They will force us ? But how ?

The only sexual violence and torture you saw (if you forget yours) was what Zackley did to men in his dungeon. Please, let something happen to save us... Reiner...

Reiner would never let that happen ! Never ! He’s bound to come !

Footsteps suddenly resonate in the corridor of your cell. You threw yourself against the desks to see the arrival, praying for a miracle, but it was 2 Marleyan guards who approached.

In their eyes there was nothing but contempt and amusement.

One of them started by opening the cell.

"Get up and turn around."

"Where is Zeke ?"

The guards began to laugh sadistically.

"Impatient I see."

"Go to hell."

You spit on the ground. They pointed their weapons at you.

"Get up and turn around."

They only needed you to be in perfect condition for what they were preparing so nothing prevented them from beating you up a bit.

With defeat, you stood up and turned around so they could handcuff you.

The cold metal confirmed to you that it was not a bad dream. That it was going to happen. But your eyes opened with hope when you met Reiner’s golden gaze behind the soldiers.

"What are you doing ?"

The drop of sweat on his forehead clearly revealed his psychological state at the moment. He had to control himself as much as possible.

"Return to your chambers, Eldian. You have nothing to do here."

"Answer my question. What are you doing ?"

The soldier quickly lost patience and pointed at Reiner with his gun.

"Are you deaf ? Get out of here !"

The strong hand of the blond fell on the end of the weapon with an air of challenge.

"I advise you to aim well if you do not want to end up crushing in my fist, Marleyan."

The soldier hiccuped. How could this good-for-nothing Eldian dare talk to him ?

“Reiner…” You whispered hesitantly.

He had to calm down, you did not know by what miracle he was still free but if he went after Marleyan soldiers, it would be the end for him.

But he couldn’t calm down. Not when you were threatened again in front of him. He looked the soldier straight in the eye, ready to devour him if he missed.

Despite his feeling of superiority, the Marleyan hesitated too.

"You are the bearer of the Armored ? You are not allowed to be here. Marshal Magath himself asked for it."

“Yet he didn’t tell me anything. I am the vice-captain of warriors so I can report you to superiors.”

The Marleyan laughed with the throat unfolded.

“Come on ! Everyone knows that since your return you no longer speak to superiors so they will not trust you. Now get out of here.”

You saw the blond take a step forward but your eyes stopped him. You seemed sure that he should not intervene now otherwise you will be captured and maybe killed. We had to wait until we were back on the surface.

“At least tell me where and why you’re taking her.”

“We’ve been ordered not to tell any Eldians. Sorry for you.”

“Are you going to torture her ?”

“No, on the contrary !” the second guard laughed as he elbowed his friend.

It made you and Reiner boil your blood. But you kept looking at him, a little melancholy that was meant to be reassuring. It pinched his heart. He wanted to catch you and get you out of this hell to escape with you forever.

Your forgiveness was all he wanted and now that he has received, his love for you has multiplied.

You smiled at him slightly and he tightened his jaw one last time before turning the heels.

“If I learn that any harm has been done to her, I will kill you first.”

After this last threat and one last sad look at you, he went up the stairs.

You’re breathing like you’ve been apnea for ages. Even though he could really be intimidating and bossy, in your eyes... he was so cute.

You smiled in the void while the guards made you advance in the corridor until an intersection. They pulled you out of your reverie by stopping abruptly in front of another group of Marleyans. In their midst, Marshal Magath was leading the troops.

With a curiously unhealthy look, as if looking at a weapon of mass destruction that will make him win, the man looked at you from the bottom up.

After a long moment of silence, the Marshal ends up making a hand movement while looking behind you.

It was there that Zeke appeared, his mouth tied to prevent him from biting himself and his hands held by the guards who followed him. Other than that, he looked better. They had given him new clothes and his wounds seemed to have completely disappeared.

The guards placed you side by side and you exchanged a look half-worried half-reassured.

Magath stepped forward.

“Listen to me. Especially you, Zeke. If you don’t do what you’re asked to do, we’ll know. Marianne.”

The nurse out of Magath’s back, her facial expression never changed, she just seemed devoid of emotions.

"I’ll check you later to make sure it’s done." she told you.

"Otherwise, you know what to expect. » finished Magath, hand on his pocket gun.

Your shivers didn’t go away. You were terrified, but you were angry that you couldn’t do anything and that you were trapped in this situation.

You looked quietly at Zeke to guess what he was thinking and his face was as neutral as Marianne’s. It scared you even more.

So he’s gonna do it ?

You sincerely asked yourself the question because deep down and for some unknown reason, you doubted that he will do this kind of thing. Even if he already did!

But your fear only increased at the same time as your hatred. You saw him almost complicit in all this.

You actually didn’t know what to think…

And to die in this way… you couldn’t leave without seeing Hange, Levi and the others one last time. And especially for Erwin’s memory.

The outcome of this situation was obvious and your heart began to beat as hard as when you were racing the Titans.

The Marleyan guards grabbed you by the arm and threw you into the room before brutally closing the door and locking it.

This room had only 4 walls, partitioned windows and a bed at the bottom. It was small enough that if Zeke wanted to turn, he would kill you without realizing it.

As you walked like a zombie through the silent room, Zeke remained staring into the void as he removed his gag.

You kept looking around, looking for the slightest way out, but as you told yourself earlier: the end out was inevitable.

You tried to put your brain on Off and started walking without thinking against the right wall.

You practically stuck your forehead against the painted plaster, took a great inspiration, pushed your thumbs into the belt of your pants and pulled it slightly until you let appear your buttocks.

Zeke blinked his eyes.

"What are you doing ?"

"What do you think ? Hurry up."

He looked away from me.

“I’d like to make it as pleasant as possible.”

“It’s never going to be pleasant, so let’s stop wasting time.”

You closed your eyes and shut up. His sigh was long but he eventually moved. Every step he took to get closer to you only lengthened your ordeal. Get it over with.

He finally came against your back. You clenched your fists and bit the inside of your cheeks when you heard him undo his belt, then loosen his pants. He lowered what was necessary to free himself but he was almost totally soft.

He sighed again. It was not a whimper of pleasure but rather of annoyance. While you were waiting, he caressed himself quickly in the hope of making himself hard enough to go home but his sex does what it wants. He pressed the tip and stroked his base as he liked it but it did not work.

You held your breath when he passed a hand over your bare buttocks hoping it would help. He stroked and kneaded them, squeezing harder and harder as if his frustration possessed his arm. His fingers sank into your fleshy flesh, his movements from top to bottom accelerated, he closed his eyes to concentrate on what he was touching and…

And it still didn’t work. He wasn’t even half soft.

Finally he let go of your butt and took a step back.

“I can’t do it.” he told you.

What do he mean he can’t do it ? After all he’s done, he can’t get a hard-on at the time ?

“Is it because I’m not struggling ? Is it because I’m not screaming ? Is it because I’m not crying ?”

He began to tuck his sex in his pants with defeat.

“I don’t like this configuration.”

This time you turn your head to him.

“A configuration where you have all the rights, where I am not moving, where it is simple and fast ? You just want to extend the fun for your sadism.”

He left your back to sit on the edge of the bed.

“If you want us to be honest, fine. Before you… I had never abused anyone. The day I… “cracked”, was not at all planned and I was not excited at the thought of... foolishly rape you on the ground.”

“Yet you seemed to have a lot of fun. What excited you, it was humiliating me.”

“No…what excited me… it was your groans, the way you clung to me, how your thighs trembled, your eyes that looked up at me…” He made that confession as if it were more shameful than if he said he liked seeing you suffer. “I know it was wrong but I kept wanting to see you like this… it’s selfish.”

“Yes…” you replied with a gasp of breath and despite yourself, with red cheeks. “It’s selfish… it’s mostly disgusting in every sense of the word.” You finally pull your pants up. "You have imagination, yet you can’t close your eyes and focus on something else ?"

“No.”

"So what do we do ?" you raised your voice, raising your arms, which immediately fell back into the void.

“I told you I wanted to make it pleasant.”

"And I told you it could never be."

He sighed and looked at the ground.

“Well, we’re dead.”

"But am I dreaming or is this fucking blackmail ?"

"What ? Would you rather I grabbed you and stuck you to the ground, ripped your clothes off and raped you without taking your pain into account ? If you knew how senior officials treat sassy young people in your case, you would thank me.”

"Shut the fuck up ! To coax me, are you comparing yourself to worse ?"

“Exactly, because we’re stuck and I don’t want to traumatize you anymore !”

…

“You’re lying.”

“Oh yes ?”

"Yes. You will not do this to not traumatize me anymore but to please yourself."

“If you consider that I like to see my partner enjoying during the act then yes.”

You swore in your beard and turned around.

I don’t want to give him that pleasure. But is there really a choice ?...

It was your turn to sigh.

“Before we do this, I need to remind you…” you turn around again, this time to look him in the eye. “Remember you killed my father.” Then you looked up. “ You hear that, Erwin ? I would have liked to be a child of the court rather than a crybaby of the Underground but I must believe that until the end I did some shit. I am sorry."

Time has stood still.

The ceiling has been replaced by a beautifully starry sky and the floor by sand.

You were no longer in Marley. You were no longer in this room. There was nothing but you and a tall blond standing behind you.

Zeke ?

No.

"Er-Erwin ?"

The Commander smiled at you. He was in his military costume, his face spotless and his blond hair well done.

“Don’t worry (Y/n), I’m glad I found this little crybaby. She showed me that beside my irrepressible desire to know the truth, there were more important things. Like having the chance to love your child.”

The orphan you were ran up to him. You did crash against his chest there. He was there. What’s the point in hiding your tears ?

“Erwin… I’m so sorry… what I do… what I’m going to do… don’t be ashamed…”

“I’ve always been proud of you. And I am the one who had to be sorry. I’m sorry I left, but I’m proud to see you’ve come to terms with that.” He walked away to take your face in a cup. “You do your duty to save others, you make useful sacrifices for us, you do not have to be ashamed of what you have done, what you do and what you will do.” His thumb wiped a tear and his smile warmed your heart. “ It’s up to me to apologize. I know that behind the smiles you constantly displayed to me after training, you only wanted to see my pride for you because you knew that I had taken you with me for your physical abilities. I’m really sorry I made you think that like you were just a combat object. You showed me that I could love someone again to the point of sacrificing myself for his survival. And never forget, that I am as proud of you as Hange and Levi must be.”

Then a movement to your left drew your attention. You turned your head in that direction and saw Zeke. Sitting on the sand, looking at you both with eyes wide open. He looked completely shocked.

But when you wanted to look at Erwin’s face again, everything had disappeared again and you were back in this room.

You stumbled back and breathed loudly.

Your heart was beating so hard, you felt like you had run for miles. And instead of collapsing to the ground, you mechanically walked to bed and sat at the edge, just to Zeke’s right.

He had kept his eyes wide open and glued to the ground.

Gradually, your breaths have calmed down again.

“I destroyed a beautiful father-child relationship… a bad habit.”

“You have not destroyed anything. The proof.” You wiped a new tear, completely moved.

The anger was gone. Damn... Erwin, you really know how to talk to people.

You smile without realizing it.

Zeke looked at you with astonishment. But deep in his pupils there was great sadness. You realized it when you looked at him in your turn.

"Why this expression ?" you asked.

“I… nothing. He seemed like a good person.”

“He was. He still is. In my misfortune I had the chance to meet him. Stealing purses was really useful.” You laugh at yourself, reminiscing nostalgically about that time.

"So Levi’s genes are really similar to yours." he says with a semblance of humor.

“It’s not a question of genes, Erwin, Levi, Hange and the whole Regiment... it’s my family. I’ll do anything for them. I love them.”

You say that, stars in the eyes. Yes, you loved them so much. You flip your head back and smile at me, constantly thinking about them and their lovely bullying.

But next to you… the bearded man had lowered his head and his fingers were wrinkling the fabric of his trousers.

"Even Eren Yeager ?"

You blinked. He knows Eren ?

"Yes. Why ?"

"You are lucky." he said with sadness.

He already told you that his parents had abandoned him, that his mother had died and that he lived with his grandparents, but the rest escaped you. A curiosity made you look at it again.

"Where is your father ?"

"Dead. Because of me."

"How ?"

“I also reported him to Marley for treason.”

“So… they didn’t abandon you ?”

From where he was, you couldn’t see his face. Fortunately.

“They never loved me. They used me as a weapon and even after I denounced them… my father quickly turned the page by finding a new wife and even having a son. To the end, he would not have been interested in me...”

“But… then how did he die if he survived after being denounced ?”

“He was eaten. By his second son. He had turned into a Titan to give him his own.”

"What ?"

He finally looked at you, eyes full of tears like a little boy.

“My name is Zeke Yeager. My father was Grisha Yeager. And Eren is my little brother.” This shock immobilized you. Zeke started looking at the ground again. “I do have a family, but they never loved me. I hated them for it. Why didn’t Grisha consider me his son ? I’d like to know that…”

“It was you…” you whispered. He looked at you with perplexity. “The little boy in the picture in Grisha’s book, it was you.”

"A book ?"

“Eren found 3 books that Grisha had written to tell his story and on the first page there was a picture of him, a blonde woman and a little boy…”

"What ?"

His voice was shaking. How could a father like him keep a picture of me ? He would never have.

Was it a savior instinct that made you take one of his hands in yours ? Or the child tears he had that made you think of yours when you saw Erwin ? Or something much deeper ?

“In the book, he talked about you. He said how much he would like to see you again to apologize, to tell you that he wanted to do a lot of things with you and especially that he loved you.”

There were no more simple tears. Zeke sobbed and removed his glasses to pass his hands over his face.

“He… he doesn’t blame me ? For turning them in ?”

“No, he said it was all his fault and he has been a horrible father.”

Oh fuck.

If you had known that you would one day see Zeke cry as hard as that, you would rub your hands but it was not. Because these tears, you knew them well. The tears of an abandoned child.

Without really thinking, your left hand landed on his back as if to reassure him.

Long minutes passed again. Except for his crying, there was no noise. You even forgot why you were there first.

After a while, he pulled his hands off his red face and looked into the void.

“Thank you for telling me. I guess you didn’t make that up to please me.”

"Oh, no. Why am I saying fake things to please you ? You don’t deserve it."

"So why did you tell me the truth to please me ? You could have kept quiet.”

“It’s... it’s true. It’s because… I don’t like to see that kind of thing.”

"What is it ?"

“A kid crying.”

He laughs heartily.

“Thank you anyway.”

Why the hell am I smiling ? I’m glad he stopped crying but still...

He looked at your hand always on his back and smiled in turn.

"It’s okay you can take it off."

“I do what I want.”

“I could understand.”

You still pulled your hand out and collapsed backwards against the bed, exhausted from all these emotions.

"What a shit story." You say with a sigh.

"Which one ?"

“The Titans. If it hadn’t been for this mess, we certainly wouldn’t be here.”

“Yes it is true… we should not have been born-”

“But fortunately it happened.”

"Why ?"

“Otherwise I wouldn’t have met Erwin, Levi and Hange.”

“It’s selfish.”

“You said you were selfish yourself earlier.”

“…it depends on what.”

Ahem… but what the fuck, did I do a strawberry mask or what ? Stop being red !

“Well…we can’t run away.”

"There’s not much chance of getting there." he confirmed.

“So… what’s “pleasant” for you ?”

Chapter Text

“So… what’s “pleasant” to you ?”

You were always lying on your back, facing the ceiling, while he sat on the edge of the bed. You saw him take a breath and then blow through the nose.

“Lots of things. Starting with consent.”

“…” Why me ? How do I put myself in situations like this ? If Levi were there he would tell me that I caused it. Yeah, sometimes he’s a dick too. "You got it."

“No.”

"If I tell you."

“You don’t think so.”

"Admit it’s hard to think it sincerely. What more do you want ?"

"Have you ever kissed someone ?"

Red flooded your face even more.

"Huh ? Uh... yes."

"A lot ?"

“Well… uh normally, I mean…”

He turned to you.

"Apart from what I did to you, how far have you gone with someone ?"

"But uh... why is that important ?"

“To know how much I need to be careful.”

“But there’s no “be careful”, you just do it.”

If stress could turn into something else in you, we’d call it stupidity.

He put a hand in the center of the bed to reach you.

"So you don’t mind if I kiss you ?"

Why the fuck is my heart beating so fast ? Why is he asking ? Is he just trying to put me in this state or what ?

"N-No."

He advanced even more on your elongated form to lay his elbow next to your head and bring his body and face closer to you.

"If I kiss you a lot ?"

“I-N-no…”

Shit. That fucking feeling between your legs reminded you of bad memories. But the heat he gave off through his clothes almost made you want to see everything underneath.

And the moisture between your legs did not stop when he bent his mouth close to your ear.

"If I go beyond what you’ve already done ?"

You almost melted into the mattress. His breath against the shell of your ear gave you shivers. He had stretched his neck so that he could properly place his head next to yours, which left you with a perfect view of the opening of his shirt. Fuck.

“No-”

The tip of his lips lightly caressed your skin before coming down on your neck. He gave a light kiss to the right, then stepped on your body to give one to the left before accelerating the frequency at which his mouth moved all over your neck. The slight friction of his beard made the feeling even more exhilarating.

He then settled completely on you for a better angle and began to kiss the beginning of your cleavage and descending more and more. Your hands have found their old place : hanging on his shirt.

His lips began to be replaced by his teeth. He enjoyed gently biting the skin from the top of your breasts but he stopped when he heard you breathe differently. He knew how to differentiate between a moan of pleasure and one of suffering.

"I stop ?"

It’s just that the last time he kissed your cleavage, it wasn’t the most romantic scene. His mouth could be an expert in the field, the trauma will remain n°1 in your memories of this kind of touch.

“I don’t know…” you mumbled and avoided his look out of shame.

He stood up to your face.

“I can let you do it if it makes you feel better.”

Your heart was about to explode and your brain couldn’t form a clear idea.

“But… I know nothing about it.”

I need to slaughter someone now ! I have to do something to let off steam, quickly someone devotes himself so that I demolish it !

Zeke laughed sincerely. You struck him with your eyes.

“Excuse me, I find this coming from you… almost cute.”

You catch your breath.

"Cute ?"

He plunged back into your neck.

“Maybe even adorable.”

He opened his mouth to suck the still shivering skin from your neck. His body pressed against yours again, you felt your nipples harden against his pectorals. A groan began but you closed your mouth hoping he didn’t hear it.

Of course, he did.

And he told the truth earlier. He said what got him excited the first time was your groans, and that was confirmed when you first felt his erection press against your pubis through your two pants.

A kind of fear went up into your bowels and your hands clung even more to his shirt.

From the beginning, he refrained from provoking you with unwelcome jokes. He wouldn’t have been without it if you hadn’t had a liability, but he knew it wasn’t the time for dark humor. On the other hand, when he heard your moan, he was almost relieved to find that he had not become powerless.

On the other hand, your way of shooting more and more on his top made him think that you were really not well.

"Do you want something in particular ?" he asked, his mouth connected to your neck with a trickle of saliva.

"But I told you I don’t know anything ! Stop damn bugging me !"

He laughed again.

You almost sighed with relief (or disappointment) when he stood up and sat down next to you.

“If insulting me can relax you then go ahead.”

You were about to do it until he started taking his shoes off.

"You should do the same." he added.

"I don’t need you to tell me, asshole." You say, lowering your voice as you bring your feet to you.

You took them off with a little difficulty. Your hands were shaking so much that you were struggling to catch a shoelace.

At the same time that you were doing this, you wondered if you should also remove the rest. Or is he doing it ? Or, uh… Well, I don’t know !

Once his shoes and watch were removed, he turned to you.

“Well, since you’re really uncomfortable, you can tell me what you’ve already done so you’ll probably be less stressed.”

“First, it's not stress. And second, do you really think that behind the wall, we were thinking about it with the Titans that you regularly threw at us ?"

He raised his hands in peace.

“Okay, sorry. Earlier you said you had already done something, so tell me.”

"But I don’t want to tell you, it’s none of your business."

He sighed for himself.

“Yes it is true but… I see that the slightest thing puts you in a state not possible so I think it would be better to do things that you have already done to make you more comfortable.”

You pretended to think while immediately, it is the sculpted body of Reiner which came to your mind.

“So… uh… it was with a very handsome and hunky man…”

Zeke clenched his teeth to prevent himself from laughing.

“Good for you.”

“We kissed…and I touched his chest… and…”

"And ?"

“And… uh that’s it.”

Ugh.

Why the hell are we talking ? If it’s just to fuck with me, it’s not worth it.

He was biting his lower lip trying to keep his cool.

“Okay. It’s going to be complicated, but we can start with that.”

"With what ?"

Your fingers sank into the sheets when he put his hands up to his collar to start opening his shirt.

"I’m probably not as «hunky» as your guy, sorry about that." he says as he approaches you again.

Except the more he opened your shirt, the more the heat in that fucking room increased. Your eyes didn’t know where to rest between his torso, his face and the void.

Once fully opened, he left it on his shoulders but removed his glasses to put on the bedside table.

When he leaned down to put them on the bedside, you took the opportunity to look quickly. And, it wasn’t that he was smaller than Reiner, it was that he seemed drier but just as handsome. Huh ? This guy ? Handsome ? Never. Uhm.

Unfortunately. Fate likes to play.

Then he came back to you. This time, you were forced to look at him when his hands took your face in cup to raise your head towards him.

“But I think I can kiss well enough.”

You didn’t have time to blush as he drew your face closer until your lips brushed. By automatism, you had closed your eyes but he did not advance any more. His breath mixed with yours, his solid fingers on your thin skin, his nose next to yours, he would not move.

He was waiting for you to do it first.

The bastard.

I mean, it’s not rocket science. It’s like kissing Reiner. Except it’s Zeke… RAAAH !

He was the first surprised when he felt your hand touch the inside of his shirt, caressing his torso. It served to give you courage because just afterwards, you could move a few millimeters to close the distance that separated both of you and opened your mouth enough to kiss im.

Ha, he immediately felt that you had a little trouble because you did not move much. Shy. But his heartbeat was no better. He was so happy to finally be able to kiss you.

He imagined it so many time. 

As you continued to explore his body, you felt him open his mouth to better grasp your lips with guttural noises. Under your fingers, you felt a little more hair than Reiner but also more veins. His muscles seemed thinner but harder too. Your second hand joined the first and unconsciously, you brought your body closer to his.

One of his palms came down from your face to grab your hip. This movement made you tighten your fingers on the skin of his belly which made him contract his abs. It also made him want to deepen this kiss, too light for his taste. He changed his angle to press his tongue in front of the entrance of your lips. His beard framed your mouth as if to welcome it and keep it forever. He was delighted when he felt your lips open more to let him kiss you better.

Wow, it was clear that he knew how to kiss. Better than Reiner. Shit. Where Reiner was shy and hesitant, Zeke took things as they were, without forcing but having no restraint to change the angle or the rhythm. He knew how to make his mouth soft and pleasant. His lips slid over yours, his tongue taunted yours slightly, the hand on your face caressed it gently but the one on your hip began to dig into your skin.

On his side, he felt your breath so accelerated because of his touch that he only wanted to do more. And your hands were shy but divine. He would never have expected that your hands on his body would have that effect on him.

Could he call it “passion” ? Not really after all that had happened but he realized that he would not throw the idea away. If you had been a Marleyan soldier, always with your bad temper, he would have had fun. But a slave...what an idea.

But he did not really have the head to think about it when he felt one of your hands withdraw from his torso to pull on your own top.

"You want to take it off ?" he asked against your mouth, even if it was obvious.

"Why, you want to do it for me maybe ?" You answered dryly, always on the defensive while your hand pulled on your t-shirt to get it out of your pants.

“I’d like to.”

Your hand stopped shooting and your eyes blinked at his hungry look that he was trying to hide.

He knew how to seize his chance because you lowered your arms to let him take your fabric. He pulled it up to the top of your head and once the arms are over, you pull them down to cover your chest still with a bra.

At the same time as he threw your top, he also removed his shirt completely before returning to you.

Be in a bra in front of him ? Last time-

“I have an idea.”

He saw the way you stood and understood. He moved over the bed, taking your hands as carefully as possible in his to guide you. He sat down with his back against the mattress and brought you on top of him. Instinctively, you sat on top of him.

Oh, fuck.

In this position, you had all the rights but you especially felt the hardness that kept fighing between your legs. You weren’t supposed to be intimidated, and yet you were pissing yourself.

“Other than strangling me on the spot, you can do whatever you want.”

Your hands landed on his chest again, if he expected you to undress one of you or try anything, he was wrong. I don’t know what to do was the first thing you wanted to say but well... pride has been forgotten enough.

You felt like he was just judging you through his blues eyes. The feeling of being subjected to him again was unbearable.

So you repositioned yourself slightly on him, thinking about what to do but by doing that, you pressed on his crotch and you saw him contain a groan due to friction.

That’s right. There. I’m in charge. And this time, it’s your turn, bearded.

You repeated the experience a second time while making a little more roll the hips on him and you delighted in his next moan. You were all the more encouraged when you noticed that you had not been afraid when his hands grabbed the meat of your hips.

You started again, rubbing even harder your dressed sex against his who seemed to fight in his pants looking his eyes. This time, it was up to you to judge.

You started again.

“Ugh… enjoy it…” he moans without raising his voice as he stares at where your bodies were fighting.

“I’m counting on it.”

"Ah !"

You almost lay on him, crushing him as much as possible and caressing his finely drawn torso. His fingers tightened their grip on your waist which brought you closer than you were.

God, he wanted to put his hands up to touch your chest. But if he did, he knew he could scare you… a real torture to have to watch you play with your body. Well... that’s fair game, he said to himself.

As you continued to speed up your movements from top to bottom, watching his reactions carefully, your own groan escaped you by inattention. It must be believed that this friction was not only source of his pleasure but also of the depraved state of your panties over its friction.

Your shyness flew in favor of your desire for domination when you saw a mocking smile on his face after hearing you.

You stepped back slightly, your hands passed from his contracted torso to his belt buckle. You smile when you see him gently pull on the sheet below you.

 "Can I do something for you ?" you sarcastically asked.

He couldn’t contain his playful smile. Well done, he thought.

“If you want to. I said you can do whatever you want.”

"If I keep rubbing for hours, you don’t mind ?"

Your attempt at provocation is unfortunately not enough to make him lose his composure.

“Oh, I think that after several hours, it’s not me that it will bother the most.”

You think so, asshole ?

Fortunately he resisted because it gave you the courage to go further.

You smile at the moment when he hiccups of excitement when your hand lands on his terrible concealed erection.

"If I touch it, is that okay ?"

“Uhm…you do what you want…” 

You grab the dressed form and squeeze it slightly in your palm. 

“If…I put it in my mouth ?”

"Mmhf !"

If he liked the idea ? Oh yes.

But besides, where did this idea come from ?

That fat bastard played with me with his fingers and his fucking mouth. He humiliated me with it. I intend to return the favor.

"So ? Would you like it ?"

"Hm- yes."

"Then ask me."

He wanted so much to pin you on the bed, to touch you, to feel you, to see you arched under his touch to ask for more… but the fact was that the roles were reversed. If your provocations were intended to upset him, he was far from it. It only made him more excited.

"Is that it ? You want me to beg ?"

You opened the leather of his belt and put your hand on the button of his pants.

“I’m just asking you. As you said, it’s consent. Stop seeing evil everywhere.”

“Oh yes sorry, it’s true that.”

You cut his breath by opening his fly with one hand and unbuttoning his pants with the other.

Hell, he’s been locked up too long, you had to let him out.

“Ask me nicely. You owe me that.”

He laughed nervously and looked at the ceiling.

“I knew you were good at it…” his eyes came back at you and he said sincerely. “Please.”

“With pleasure.”

You let go of the fabric of his trousers and astrided yourself back to him. He clenched his teeth in frustration. Enjoy while you can, at some point it will be my turn, he thought almost evil. But he closed his mouth firmly when you passed your hands behind your back to open your bra and swing it on his face.

"I am the one who allows you to do this. I am the one who will lower myself on your face and bring your hands and not you, understood ?"

He breathed loudly like a child waiting for his Christmas gift.

"Yes."

"I’m moving and you’re not, okay ?"

"Okay."

You put your hands on each side of his head and lowered your bust on him. He waited for your chest to finally touch his nose to open his mouth and kiss your skin. By riding him in this way, you had abandoned your friction of your both crotches at the expense of his tongue which began to explore your nipples.

To get closer, he released the sheet to press on the back of your thighs. You rebuked him by stepping back abruptly, causing pop on your chest, but especially by sitting back on his hardness with force.

He let out a moan, almost a scream, of frustration and raised his hands on either side of his body.

“Are you having trouble following such simple rules ? One wonders how you became a captain.”

“But like any good captain, I have many other performance qualities.”

You slammed your ass against his sex, he babbled a curse.

"Surely not patience in any case." you mock.

“Oh, if you let me see what you’re hiding in your panties, I can conclude you’re not either.”

Ah yeah, you scumbag ?

You backed away from the bed until you stood, in front of him always lying on his back. His breath stopped when you lowered your pants and panties. You also threw them in his face.

“That’s it, you can always dream.”

He took your clothes off but kept your panties in hand.

"That’s not what she tells me." he said, smiling, shaking the fabric visibly stained with cyprine under your nose.

The red found its place on your cheeks. You quickly stepped on him to rip it off and shove it into his mouth.

"Shut your mouth if you don’t want to choke."

He was gonna hit back before he saw you put your hands on top of his pants and start pulling him down. He bit your underwear still stuck in his mouth and lifted his buttocks to let you slip his pants. You took it all away from him and then looked at the only thing he had left, his beige boxers. Because of its color, one could clearly see a small wet spot at the supposed place where his cockhead was.

"I dream where you’ve already ended ?" you begin to laugh with judgment.

A serious laugh out of his tight throat passing through your panties. He spit it out and continued to laugh, that bastard.

“You obviously didn’t have sex education.” Yeah, well, don’t tell Hange that or she’ll tell you that the titans don’t have genitals. "It's... pre-seed."

"Excuse us for prioritizing classes on Titan’s killing. What the fuck is that ?"

He cleared his throat, a little dumbfounded to have to explain it.

“Well, as the name suggests, it’s a liquid that comes before the real seed.”

"So you were about to come ?"

"No, I know how to behave."

"Let me laugh." You stood between his legs. "Let’s see."

His muscles contracted as soon as your nails climbed the elastic of the boxer to sneak in and shoot.

Inside, you really dreaded this moment because you had never seen one in real. It is true that Hange drew well but the idea that you had of the appearance of a sex of man was really vague. But you shouldn’t have shown that son of a bitch your doubts or he would laugh again.

Then you inhale deeply and pull until his erection holds the elastic, which forced you to go over it to remove it.

Well, actually, Hange was really good at drawing because it was exactly as she described it to you. You just didn’t anticipate the red color on the tip and the little blond hairs around. Hange had said that on average it was 15cm and Zeke looked good, even above. But mentally, you compare the width to that of your wrist. Oh okay… Is everybody like that, or is he really the one who’s boned up like an animal ?

Finally in the open air, he breathed a sigh of relief and then of waiting. Knowing that you had certainly never seen one, he gave you time to admire it before saying anything.

You took a step back to see the scene. He was completely naked, lying down and not moving in front of you. As if it had its own brain, your vagina contracted at this sight and several drops of cyprine, until then properly contained inside, flowed along your thighs. Shit, I hope he didn’t see anything.

You took your courage with both hands, then his erection, before opening your lips slightly. He forcefully bit his lower lip and dropped his head back on the first contact between your tongue and the head of his cock.

You began by moistening the tip with the first licks of the tongue thinking that it would bring comfort. Then opened your mouth wide to take the largest piece possible. You laugh devilishly when you feel it contracting everywhere and insulting God.

It didn’t have any particular taste. In fact it almost smelled good so you tell yourself that after your capture, you had both been washed.

And even if it was the first time you sucked a dick, you were doing pretty well according to his moans.

After several strokes back and forth in your throat overflowing with a thick saliva, you resumed a little air with a mucous net connecting your mouth to its tail.

At that moment, your eyes connected and as if he took alive, you felt his sex move all alone in your hand.

This naked view of you between his legs and his cock at the best of his shape in your mouth, he has unfortunately already dreamed of it. At that moment, he didn’t just want to turn you around and pound into you, but also to grasp your face again in his hands to kiss you passionately. Your restraining him from moving was unbearable.

His breathing, the red of his face and the drops of sweat on his forehead made you swallow his dick completely until you coughed violently around him. Your saliva splashed over his pubis and got stuck in his hair. Your throat tightened around him, he could feel your glottis moving, your tongue contracting and your lips touching his base. A sensation pushed to its climax began to threaten him.

“Easy…” he mumbled in his beard.

You pulled it out of your swollen mouth, a little breathless.

"What ? It’s not refined enough for the beast ?"

You spit vulgarly at his cock, he bit his lip again.

“If you continue then you will have to take the consequences and I doubt you want to know what taste has the beast.”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. In reality, you almost laughed at his joke, which was quite disgusting.

"I thought Sir knew how to behave."

You did not give him time to reply that you sucked with a fluid movement, facilitated by the lubrication of your saliva, his cock crackling.

You had never heard him swear so much. His knees twitched involuntarily and his hips lifted up towards your face. You grabbed them and pushed his cock deeper into your throat.

"Mmhf ! Stop !"

But you did not let go and rejected your desire to vomit by swallowing it even more greedily. He retracted his belly, and despite the rules imposed, his hand flew to your hair.

That’s when you straightened yourself away from him, stopping in the middle of the act as he was about to come into your mouth.

You laughed aloud when he fell back into the mattress clenching fists.

"RAAh Fuck !"

That's what you get, you handsome. Uh not handsome. Damn it…

You wiped the drool that still flowed on your chin with the back of your hand watching him try to keep calm.

Oh you will be so sorry, my pretty. I will be as gentle as a pussycat but that will not stop me from making you impatient too. You’ll be begging me for that.

"You’re right." he said out of breath. "I would do the same if I were you."

“I don’t care what you think.”

You went up on him and put your dripping folds on his wet erection. You shivered in spite of yourself at this contact because it was clear that you had been struggling for a while to touch yourself. You took it in your hand without really thinking and already began to put it against your entry.

Zeke grabbed your wrist.

“No, believe me, it’s gonna hurt if you do that.”

"What do you know about that ? You’ve ever taken stuff like that, Mr. Connoisseur ?"

“Mr. Connoisseur may have more experience than you, but if you want to fulfill a masochistic fantasy then go ahead.” He put his mouth close to your ear and murmured as if to prevent anyone else from hearing, "You are probably still very tight and I’ll have a hard time holding myself." His beard rubbed against your ear. “Let me open you properly as you deserve now.”

At first, you really thought you had peed but no, it’s just that these simple phrases ad motivated your libido and your vagina twisted again by spitting wet on his sex.

He pulled back to see the expression on your face and felt his guts move when he saw your shy nod.

Neither one nor two, he stood up to sit down and keep you on his lap. You thought he would put you back under him but he thought that this position would bring back too many bad memories. Similarly, you thought that he immediately touched your body but the stupor froze you when he took you in his warm arms to kiss you tenderly.

A hug.

He had passed his hands behind your back to squeeze you slightly against him while his lips pressed against yours. You didn’t know what to do with your own hands and so you wrapped them around his neck. His blond hair against your hands tickled your skin and you began to caress them by reflexes.

His fingers drew small circles on your hips, his tight pectorals stuck to your breasts and his breath exchanged with yours.

This kiss was at first delicate, his tongue titillated the entrance of your mouth that you end up opening for him. But the more your lips moved together, the more this kiss turned into a kind of battle. Your teeth began to bite Zeke’s lower lip, his fingers sank into the fat of your hips, your breaths became more and more jerky.

You wanted to be so dominant that you forced your weight on him until he fell on his back against the mattress. You loosen your lips to catch your breath.

You swallowed your saliva crooked, which made you cough. An affectionate smile marked his face red with excitement. His hands stroked along your thighs to stop on your buttocks.

“Sit on my face.” he said.

You would have done it right away if your vagina hadn’t tightened up like that again because of his words and caresses. Chasing embarrassment on your face and wanting to show that you were grown-up girl you scaled his body until your knees landed on either side of his head. His burning breath electrified your body when it mixed with the wet that covered your sex.

Zeke lowered you on his mouth, forcing your hips a little with his two hands that he had put on it.

The first lick he gave with his tongue was slow and careful. To maintain yourself, you put one hand on his forehead and another against the headboard. In this position, you could use his mouth as you saw fit. So you rolled hips on his face, crushing your painful core on his willing mouth. He opened as he could his lips to take as much of you as possible by making his tongue work as much as possible to touch precisely your clit.

You began to take a steady pace that he managed to follow and you took the opportunity to lower your eyes towards him.

Your hand crushing his face, your butt covering his face, your sex in his mouth. You pulled a little more on his hair to get a grunt from him.  

He seemed to have a little trouble breathing, but you couldn’t care less. Apart from continuing to rub your parts harder and harder against him, nothing came to mind. It was divine.

He disobeyed you when he brought his fingers closer to where his mouth was, but you rejected the idea of rebuking him. Even worse, you wanted him to do it.

He was more than delighted when he understood that you let him do it and exhaled an animal breath against your folds when he saw two of his fingers suddenly enter between them. Your wet skin opening for his fingers a few centimeters from his face was enough for his sex to continue to leak on his lower abdomen.

Two fingers at once, they came in more easily than you would have preferred but the feeling guided you to hang on to the headboard with both hands by moving more and more on his face. With one hand, he fingered you and with the other, he began to touch himself. It was too hard to contain himself for so long.

He masturbated at the same pace as he moved his fingers against your warm and welcoming walls that tightened more and more. He closed his lips on your swollen clit and sucked harder, too fond of your moans that you tried to hide by biting your shoulder.

To ride him in this way was strangely delightful. For once, it was him submissive.

At this thought, you leaned a little more on his muscular tongue and solid fingers. Little by little, the almost vengeful satisfaction you felt turned into a feeling a little too familiar. Your mind began to empty and focus on the soon general local pleasure of your body. As these regular rubs accumulated without interruption, you did not even realize your movements like the swing of your hips or your eyes that closed. But the more you pursued this feeling, the more weight in your belly was also built. And this weight was not the one that was pleasant.

An orgasm… with the bearded.

You stopped your movements and immediately returned to reality and raised your hips enough from his face to escape contact.

He breathed loudly as he took his breath. Breath that struck your wet lips still a few centimeters from his face.

You moved your right leg still shivering to get you back sitting next to him.

“It’s okay, you can do it now.” You say coldly.

He came up to sit next to you.

“You don’t want to finish, I guess.” He concludes.

“We don’t need it to do what’s asked of us.”

“I know I’m in no position to say this, but if you don’t want to do it, then don’t.” He turned his head towards you as you looked at the wall across the room. “But if it helps…you can see it as… regaining control of your body.”

Unconsciously, you had curled up almost to hide your parts when he had already seen everything.

“How do you want me to take control when we are locked up in a room with only one mission… to have a child…”

God. The picture in your head was terrifying. Zeke’s baby in your arms. A cute little child with blond hair and blue eyes.

“We will not have children.” He said solemnly.

You looked at him.

“But… Marianne said she will check.”

"And she will, but you will not get pregnant."

"Can you be less explicit, please ?"

“I’m the chief scientist of this town. And for some reason, I’ve already created a serum that can stop pregnancy."

"Huh ? Does it really work ?"

“Based on all my tests, yes.”

"And how did you do those tests ? Or why did you do that ? You got half the town pregnant ?"

He kept a laugh.

“No. The Eldians support each other, a lot of couples have agreed to help me. And to be honest, I haven’t made love with anyone in a very long time.”

His last statement sent you shivers. And not unpleasant shivers but unexplained nervousness and embarrassment. Strangely, it made you a little more comfortable as if you were almost on an equal footing on this.

He said made love.

As for him, he stubbornly looked at the small space that separated you from each other.

“And if we stick to honesty, it might make you even more uncomfortable than you already are, but I absolutely need to say it out loud. I’m dying to touch you, but I’m too afraid to scare you, and since I was dying before the end of the year, I’d like to leave more than very bad memories.”

“So just bad memories ?” you say with humor to hide nascent emotions.

Oddly enough, you both laughed at that. Like this whole thing was just a joke from beginning to end. May this absurd world no longer deserve to be taken seriously. You even forgot that you were both naked on a bed side by side as if it were normal.

"I would have... I would have liked us to meet in another world." He confessed a little more serious.

"I think that even in another world I still couldn't stand you."

"I hope so, otherwise it would be boring." He said, smiling.

You laughed at each other.

“However, it is possible that they will either give me my place as Captain and you will become my … slave again. Or we are both seen as untrustworthy subjects of experience and locked in a cell.”

“I know my band would never let that happen.”

“That’s what I hope too.” You looked at him, intrigued. He looked back at you. “And if I ever keep my place as Captain, I promise you … I won’t treat you like this anymore. At least not when we’re alone.”

“But… what are we going to do ? It’s going to start all over again.”

He clenched his teeth, a little embarrassed. 

“Not really. First of all, I will be under a lot of scrutiny and most importantly… until we give them what they want, we will be forced to continue…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, knowing it was useless.

“But after a while, if I never get pregnant they might think I can’t and they’ll leave us alone.”

"I doubt it very much. Your child will remain an Ackermann and mine an heir of royal blood. So if it doesn’t work out between us, they might send me to another woman and you to another man.”

The end of his sentence stuck somewhat in his throat.

For him, it was out of the question that another would touch you.

For your part, you immediately thought of Reiner, the only one you could do this with, but the chances of it happening were so slim…

"And... if I’m ever forced to do it with someone else, do you think they’ll give me a choice ?"

Your question was legitimate, but it irritated Zeke’s ears.

“I… I don’t know. But that’s not going to happen because you’ll have run away before. I’ll make sure.”

His words almost reassured you.

And in the end you told yourself… that you would rather remain his slave than be locked in a cell guarded by Marleyans.

"Will I always have a necklace ?"

“If you don’t try to kill me again, I’ll think about it.”

“It’s going to be hard.”

Like a macabre game, you looked at each other and laughed together with your mouth closed in a mocking tone.

After that, the silence came back, you were looking at the wall opposite plunged each into your thoughts. 

Be comfortable. 

It didn’t make any sense but despite your embarrassment and your nervousness you were still comfortable.

You quickly glanced at Zeke and even though his mind seemed to be elsewhere, his erection had not weakened.

You took a new breath, turned to him and put your hands on his thighs to bend over him. It surprised him directly and brought him back to dry land. Your face a few centimeters from his, this time it was him who was intimidated.

"I will try not to kill you during this."

Your voice was involuntarily seductive and he blew.

"Yet I know you will be my death."

Without thinking, you kissed him. Always slowly as you sat down on him, he passed his arms over your back, gently stroking your skin, making it shiver.

They were soft touches on your sides, your hips, his torso and around his neck. Two light breaths running through two different skins. And two bodies fit perfectly.

His lips and muscular tongue open your mouth to deepen this kiss, you tilt your head slightly to the side to help. His hug with his strong arms around your body only tightened as if he trying to get you inside him for a perfect fusion.

His breath and the heat that he gave off again fogged your mind and you let yourself be rocked in this embrace.

No, he didn’t want to let go of you. 'Cause he knew once he got out, it’d be like it was before. It was his only chance to hold you like this against him. To feel so close voluntarily. He was a little ashamed but he couldn’t fight it.

He was selfish again.

Continuing this eternal embrace, the physics reminded you of the excitement of both. You continually soaked his erection wedged between your thighs.

So you started moving again to recover friction, forcing him to breathe louder.

His fingers sank into the meat of your hips and soon your buttocks to keep you in place.

Mechanically, you pushed your nails into his back but it didn’t seem to bother him.

He kissed your chin, your jaw, your cheeks, always more tenderly.

“I… I don’t understand anything.” You stammered as you tightened your arms around him in a lost air.

“Neither do I. But we don't care.”

And after that, you stopped talking. Just kissed, hugged, and moaned together. As you hugged, Zeke pulled his hand back more and more between your buttocks. You shuddered at the touch of his powerful fingers against your gleaming and impatient slit. You straightened yourself slightly on your knees to let it slip between your folds and begin to press against them.

He pulled out his lips just to look at your face. Your slight nod is enough for him to start introducing his index finger into you. You stood more and more on your knees to give him enough room and your breasts came back near his face.

He kissed them again and passionately. Your hands in his hair, reproaching him made him ever more intoxicated. His tongue, lips and teeth did a remarkable job all over your chest. You lowered your head instinctively until your mouth touched the top of his skull.

His heart leaped into his chest when he felt you lay a kiss in his hair.

He removed his finger from you to place his hand where your two intimacies were near for a more comfortable fingering position and to push two fingers back into yours.

You shouted above him as he repositioned himself to finally lie on his back with you on all fours on him, always his fingers inside you.

Your primal instincts were taking over more and more and you started to didn't give a damn about any outside judgment, including your own. You just took what you needed to feel better and better as you rubbed yourself perfectly against his palm and skilled fingers.

While continuing his energetic fingering, he put his arm around your waist and leaned back against the head of the bed to sit again, keeping you on his lap.

The closeness of your bodies and the multiple frictions in multiple places soon had you screaming in his hold. He rested his forehead against your collarbone, pressing ever more on your G-spot and breathing ever harder.

At a time, when he started to feel your walls tightening tightly, you gently took his wrist to stop his movement.

“Go ahead, put it on.” You say out of breath.

"Are you sure ?"

My god say yes I beg you, I can’t take it anymore !

"Yes, come one."

“Then come here.” he said in a deep and sensual voice, grabbing you by the waist to position you better on him.

You moaned together as your two sexes met as you sat cross-legged on top of each other. With one hand, he held you firmly against him and with the other, he reached his arm across both of your bodies to grab his erection. He rubbed it against your soaked folds to moisten it and drew a desperate sigh from you.

He couldn't wait any longer. Continually kissing your neck and jaw, he slid the head of his cock against your slit without actually going deep.

“Stop playing you bastard !” you spat through gritted teeth, to which he laughed.

“Oh don’t blame me, but I wanted to make sure it was really you because you haven’t insulted me in a while.” he said, biting the skin on your jaw.

“Being such an asshole should be punishable by law-Ah !”

He silenced your bullying by pushing the tip of his cock into the eager walls of your body. His provocative smile deepened when you glared at him at the same time as you continued to moan in his arms.

He held you tight against him and placed a series of kisses along your collarbone at the same time as you lowered yourself onto his solid rod. Your hands gripped tightly to the hair on the back of his head and your thighs trembled at the sensation. Yes, he had prepared you very well because the pain was only very temporary and replaced by a feeling of filling. As if you had found a part of yourself.

“Ah ! Fuck !”

“Should I stop ?” he groaned under your chin.

“No idiot !”

He chuckled darkly and lowered his hands to grip your sides better and impale you on him. He had not yet reached the guard when he felt resistance. You were incredibly tight. He caressed your skin with his thumbs and stopped his movement.

“Calm down. Everything is fine. Take your time."

His kindness was welcome but in a way it bothered you. As if he didn't have the right to say that kind of thing to you when he had already attacked you. It stayed in the back of your thoughts over and over again.

"Hey." he caught your attention with his breath under your jaw. "You want to stop ?" he asked sincerely even though deep down he prayed that you would say no.

“I want...” you took a deep breath and calmed your heart. “...you shut up.”

He was about to answer but you put your hands on his knees behind you, and pushed him deep into your stomach in provocation.

But it made you both moan loudly.

To think that a group of Marleyan was waiting outside. Maybe they heard everything ?...

You threw your head back slightly, lifting your chest into which he happily dove. His kisses and caresses on each side of your body helped you forget and bury the internal pain his insatiable cock was causing in your body.

As you got used to the sensation and the size, he redoubled his effort on his kisses on your neck which he noticed was a very erogenous zone for you. You brought your head forward and pulled his hair back.

He could have died happy now you took the initiative to kiss him. Always with strength and confidence as if you were insulting him even by kissing him. Your mouth forced his open to push your tongue into his mouth. Of course, this was purely experimental. You had never kissed anyone so wildly and it was a way for you to show them that you were in control of the situation.

But it was hard to keep control when he managed to lift your hips slightly and then lower you back onto them to start fucking you in that position.

You moaned into his mouth and he hummed. When he thrust in again, you bit your lower lip to muffle your cry.

Your cries were so cute to his ears. They contrasted perfectly with your usual rather serious and irritating tone. Seeing this vulnerability was a privilege.

And that was it at every back and forth at the beginning. Every time he pulled you back onto his lap to grind you back down on his throbbing erection, you glared at him or bit him or insulted him. It was so fun for him. He had never liked being insulted and threatened more than in this situation where you were struggling in his arms to keep maintain stay bear retain face.

But he had told himself that earlier. You were going to regret playing with him.

The pace picked up more and more until slapping sounds could be heard distinctly throughout the room, accompanied by your strangled moans and his low sighs. The friction of your breasts against his tight pecs adding more sensation to this whole lewd embrace.

Both of your breaths hit each other as you simultaneously close your eyes after a particularly vicious thrust that made you scream under his beard. Seeing your mouth open in pleasure because of him made him kiss you again, throwing himself into your lips. Your hands tightened around his head as your entire body contracted when he hit your G-spot.

You heard him curse against your lips as your walls tightened around him. The vulnerability wasn't just on your side.

You wished it were otherwise but the feeling was heavenly. Something you had never felt yet you had already cum in multiple ways but all the touches, the caresses, the kisses, the moans, this heat and all this friction... there was something to lose your mind.

And you weren't the only one who felt it.

“Uhmf... oh... (Y/n)... you make me crazy... aah...” Zeke stammered, tucking his head into the crook of your neck while speeding up his movements to collect more screams from you.

You really took it as a compliment and it’s true that it was flattering. The mighty chief of warriors groaning beneath your chin.

You stood up slightly, leaning on his knees, he quickly understood the request and was quick to grab your hips to hammer hard inside you. You stared at the ceiling, screaming as he couldn’t take his eyes off the sight of his member disappearing into your pussy.

Obscene, even vulgar, but what does it matter ? He finally had you. For him and no one else. Him, the heir of royal blood. Filled with passion and devouring desire, he didn't care about what people thought of him. Of his faults, his reactions, his desires.

Everyone could go to hell, he only wanted one thing : for her to look at him and know that it was him who did this to her.

You felt his gaze on your face again so you lowered your head to meet his blue eyes consumed with pure predation. It could have been scary but he didn’t stop his caresses on your body. He would cherish this body as much as he could.

You raised your arms to re-encircle his head between your trained biceps. You hugged again, still in that position sitting on top of each other, fitting together perfectly like a construction toy.

His sighs were getting closer and higher as your hips slammed together. He in turn shouted an insult to God when he thought he saw a squirt from your pussy staining the bottom of his abs. He smashed your G-spot only to see more coming and your eyes rolling in their sockets.

You had never squirted like this but it was uncontrollable with the angle, power and speed he used. Your own knees lifted repeatedly to make your body move against his even more, still searching for more sensation.

He wanted to feel you cum on him, if that didn't happen he would never forgive himself. But he felt that he was losing his composure more and more. He couldn't even stop his now robotic movements.

He wrapped his arms tightly around your body to once again press you against him as much as possible.

This whole situation was so perfect. As if life finally smiled on him after all his misery.

This girl. This unbearably strong, insulting, beautiful girl. It was his girl at that precise moment.

His.

He whispered it with each violent thrust while hugging your body as if you were going to fly away and he was holding you back.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

“Ah ! Holy shit… ah… ah…ah…ah ah ah… Zeke !"

You wanted to stop yourself from screaming his name but your lightning orgasm made you lose your mind momentarily. Your insides clenched so hard around him, sucking almost all of him in so as not to lose a single inch. Your hands crushed his face against your chest and your hips rolled on him so hard that red marks would definitely appear. The boiling pleasure made you throw your head back, revealing your neck which he hastened to devour. You would have cried out in pain at his bites if your pleasure hormone hadn't made you so immune.

“Oh… god yes… ah… um… oh oh no…no Ah ! Shit no !" he groaned.

If until then he had managed to hold back, his name coming out of your throat blinded by pleasure got him. He didn't want to cum now. He wanted to stay like that for hours. Days. It was too fast but it felt so good that his mind cracked. And he came.

Your body still shaking with waves of pleasure, he slammed it so hard onto his cock that you would definitely have an internal bruise but he had to go as deep as possible to feel as much as possible. This warmth, this softness, this humidity.

His rational mind struggled for one last second, reminding him that he was doing the act he most reprimands to the Eldian people, but his irrational mind whispered to him that he still had the pill.

Then he pounded. Hard. Again and again as if dementia had reincarnated in him. His moans and curses were counted by tens at the same time as a multitude of emotions took over him.

“AAH- Sorry- Mmmmmh- I’m- Oh fuck – so sorry !” He cried out against your neck.

You came back down just in time to hear his words even though your sensations were still stimulated, you heard him.

Second by second, his abs relaxed more and more against yours until he shot his last seed into your womb with a deep groan.

A moan of pleasure but with a somewhat particular ending, like regret.

Because of this unbearable physical effort, both of your bodies didn't move at first, too exhausted and breathing heavily to regain your senses.

Your skin pressed against each other was covered in sweat and the smell of sex above you reigned supreme. It was so warm.

Zeke’s head remained against your throat, his chin on your collarbone and his arms still around you. Yours hung from his shoulders and your head tilted to the side causing your cheek to rest on his tousled hair.

Your breathing becomes more and more normal until he slowly loosens his grip around you.

“I…I didn’t hurt you ?" He asked still out of breath.

" No." You replied in an unusually thin voice as you caught your breath.

He almost exhaled in relief against your glistening skin.

" Good." You started to move to pull him out of you but you moaned together from the overstimulation. “There… easy…” He guided you, calmly grabbing your hips to help you lift yourself up.

When he pulled out completely, you both put your hands right against your folds to prevent his cum from leaking out and keep it inside. All that would be missing would be for the Marleyans to ask you to start again straight away because there aren't enough.

Although the idea wouldn't necessarily bother Zeke. And maybe even you.

You sat on the bed, hand still blocking the liquid from leaking as Zeke ran the back of his hand against his forehead, sighing.

“I’m going to go tell Marianne that it’s done."

You nodded nervously but still dizzy from the sex. You curled up towards the head of the bed, hiding your private parts in case Marianne didn't enter alone.

Zeke put his boxers and shirt back on his shoulders and quietly went to open the door. Four guards plus Magath had their backs to the door and Marianne was waiting sitting nearby. The General jumped up.

“It took you a long time." he reprimanded.

“I admit that with six people waiting behind the door it’s a bit off-putting." he half lied.

“Well at least it’s done. Marianne, go see."

The woman stood up, bowed her head gently and walked in without paying Zeke any attention. He stood in the doorway, keeping it closed enough so no one could see in.

For your part, you glared at the woman who approached your naked form but she didn't care. Without speaking to him, you spread your legs (fucking humiliating) and removed your hand.

She examined the dirty entrance and looked up at you.

" It was painful ?"

“Um…. At the beginning."

" All right. I'm going to put a plug on you."

“A wh-what ?"

She took out of her pocket a metal object shaped like a small pear with a cylindrical base.

“It will stay in place at the entrance to your vagina and prevent the semen from leaking."

“But… how long am I going to keep it ? It's disgusting."

" Don't worry. Just about 1 hour, then you can take it off and throw it away."

" Hm okay."

She reached down between your legs and you expected it to hurt but your treatment with Zeke left you completely open and wet. Perfect for inserting a metal object that slipped out on its own.

“It’s not comfortable at the moment but it will get better."

" Thanks."

She stood up, lowered her head again and left the room as Zeke looked on.

“Listen to me Jaeger, I agree to leave her with you if you manage to get her pregnant quickly but at the slightest misstep, she will go with someone else." Magath threatened.

“Allriht General."

“You will always be escorted by two Marleyans guards. And don't forget that I have my eye on you."

With that, he left, leaving the two soldiers at the door.

Zeke sighed and closed the room behind him. You exchanged a look that was half relieved and half concerned.

" It's disgusting." You say, closing your legs and crossing your arms to hide yourself.

“As soon as we get home, you will take it off and go wash. I will give you 10 minutes more than usual."

" Seriously ?" You saw his head in profile and quickly noticed his mocking smile. " Motherfucker."

You threw him a cushion to silence his laughter but he caught it easily. Then handed you your clothes.

“Jokes aside, I'll have a mattress brought into the office for you and you can shower for hours if you want." You raised your hand to take back your clothes but he kept a harsh grip on the fabrics. “But only if you don’t try anything stupid."

You sighed like a teenager in front of her father.

“As long as I can continue to insult you."

“If that’s all there is to it then I’m used to it. But don't do it in front of Marleyans. This is serious."

" Yes." You sighed again.

Once dressed (god, please give me a shower) you stop in front of the bedroom door.

“We need to agree (Y/n). No backstabbing, no provocations in front of others, we are in the same situation and we must help each other. Ok ?"

“No need to talk to me like a child, I understand. But this deal holds until I get out of here."

" I thinks so."

“And… what about you ?"

" What, me ?"

“When I run away, what will you do ?"

" As per usual. I will wait for the day I die."

That last statement made you uncomfortable. He said it as if it was something normal like going to get bread. Always this enigmatic expression that you could never decipher.

For his part, he was so happy that you asked the question. He didn't care about making you uncomfortable, exactly. In fact, he almost wanted your pity.

He placed his hand on the handle and you looked at each other with complicity in the face of an army of Marleyans.

Then you walked out of the room together, him walking in front of you.

Chapter Text

The atmosphere was so strange since you went back to Zeke’s apartment. But not bad, it was just different. But strange.

And it was nothing when he first let you walk into the bathroom by yourself to remove that horrible plug and clean you. It was really gross. The next second, you jumped outside and saw Zeke with a walkie-talkie in his hand.

“Sorry, since it’s very late I can’t bring you a mattress for tonight. I can leave you a blanket and a cushion for the couch if you want.”

"Oh, I see, sir don’t even leave me the bed." You say sarcastically.

“It would be counterproductive. Such a big bed for such a small person, I should balance things.”

You opened your mouth as if to insult him but no insult came to your mouth, as if you had already used them all.

He laughs and passes you in front to enter his room and take a blanket.

Your back hurt (and a little bit elsewhere) and you were very tired. This little couch wasn’t going to fix you overnight.

You looked at it, then the room where you had already slept with the big comfortable bed, then the sofa, then the bed.

"I can even give you two cushions." Zeke said, cutting into your thoughts. 

You coughed a little embarrassment.

“Oh thank you… uh… you don’t mind if…”

You tightened your fingers and felt your cheeks warm.

“If what ?  Oh yes, the pill !” He exclaimed to rush to the back of his office.

The pill… you almost forgot. You were thinking about asking if…

"Here, swallowed round and drink this glass." he told you, holding out the container and the pill.

"Thanks... *gaps* yuck it’s really gross."

“The bottom line is that it is effective.”

He took back the cover he had dropped. 

“Uh… Zeke ?”

"Yes ?"

"You don’t mind if... uh... we sleep in the bed, together ?"

If he was eating at the time, he would probably have choked on the food. The red on your cheeks transposed to his in a flash. 

Oh…

Yes…

Yes we can.

“Ah uh… hum. Of course... if you don’t mind too. Well I mean... uh yes. So I put that away.”

He would have killed himself. Now he stutters ? He never stuttered for anyone. Much less to make you uncomfortable or annoy you. But like you, he still had these beautiful images in mind of you two.

You would have expected him to make a silly, embarrassing remark to you after you asked, but no. It was just the opposite. It was almost cute. It even looked like Reiner’s reaction.

Reiner ! What am I going to tell him ? If he finds out ? And I can’t compare him to… the Beast Titan ! I just want to sleep comfortably, especially after this… effort…

°°°°°°°°°°

For this new night, he gave you a new T-shirt and comfortable shorts that he had found thanks to Marianne. For his part, he kept his shirt and boxer shorts.

There was still that awkward moment when you both went to bed after glancing at each other. Then you slipped under the duvet and put your back to him.

You both mumbled at the same time a «good night» fast and had shut up just after.

You were exhausted but your eyes wouldn’t close. It was impossible not to doze off thinking about what had happened, and what will happen…

The more you thought about it, the more you were facing the truth.

Zeke… he was nice. Ok he took you and made you his slave and then he assaulted you but then… he didn’t report you, he saved you in the forest, he gave up his life to come and protect you… Maybe he’s not such a bad guy-

WHAT ?!

He killed Erwin ! He killed Dad ! He is on purpose to be sometimes kind and sometimes terrifying to keep me under his thumb ! The truth ? He is crazy ! For whatever reason in his story or whatever, this guy is crazy and I hate him !

Your fist squeezed into the pillow and a tear poured down your cheek.

Why can’t the world be so simple ? Nice or bad. Instead of doing psychology and being in constant contradiction, it would be so much better.

If only Zeke were really mean…

°°°°°°°°

He was just looking at your bare shoulder. Put his hand on it, still kiss that skin, rub his whole body on yours.

Or simply lean over you so that your back embraces the shape of his belly and his hand is intertwined with yours.

But he knows that even in his wildest dreams, it won’t happen.

Even during your future false attempts to get a child (God damn it, he wanted to do it again), it’s not likely to happen. Yet every time he had hugged you, you didn’t reject him. It drove him crazy. He didn’t understand. He did not even know his position about you in this «relationship» of allied enemies.

Then he continued to look. Without moving. For he would not crack a second time. If something were to happen, he wanted it to come from you. Even though he knew it would be impossible.

°°°°°°°°°

A moment during the night, your eyes creaked in pain. A sensation resembling a twist in your bowels pulled you out of the dream world and into Zeke’s bed. A stomach ache so powerful that you curled up forward by choking as much as possible your cry of pain.

You heard Zeke wiggling slightly behind you, certainly dreaming. You had to go into the bathroom. If you stayed here, you knew you were gonna throw up in the sheets.

A trembling hand pushed Zeke’s shoulder.

“Zeke…” You reflexively whispered into the night. “Zeke ?”

He frowned and sighed loudly.

"Mmm… what ?" he says still in the fog of sleep.

“Can I go into the bathroom ?”

He rubbed his eyes before opening them and looking at you strangely.

"Why ? What’s wrong ?"

“I just want to go into the bathroom.”

He didn’t answer you right away. Just several seconds during which he looked at you with strange intensity. Then he opened his mouth.

“And…you ask my permission ?”

That’s when you realized that you could very well have stood up without asking him for anything and he made the remark to you. Your face turned red, in addition to the pain there was also embarrassment.

“No need to look at me like that. I’m going. Asshole-!”

His powerful hand grabbed your forearm, preventing you from getting up. His expression in the dark of the night put chills in your back.

"What is it ?" He asked almost severely. 

"I just want to go into the bathroom."

“In my bathroom. What is it ?”

His hand forced even more into your arm and a new cramp twisted your stomach.

"You said you’d leave me alone when we were all alone, so stop being creepy and let go of me."

“It's your period ? If so, I can bring you things to calm the pain and something to protect you.”

“I don’t know…it hurts…” You confessed by curling up again on the mattress, an arm around your belly and the other at the mercy of Zeke.

His grip is softening.

“Okay, go ahead. And I don’t think it’s your period. It’s definitely…an unfortunate effect of the pill…”

He let go, slightly sorry and got up.

"Seriously ? Maybe you could have told me !"

“It doesn’t happen often, you don’t get a lot of luck.”

“No kidding.”

20 minutes after you arrived in the bathroom, you were still above the toilet to contain your nausea and to hold your stomach.

Until the door opens.

“Here I made you this herbal tea. I put healing herbs in it and a light sleeping pill to help you sleep.”

“Please tell me the effects of this pill will not be the same next time.”

“Your body can get used to it, but if it becomes really unbearable, we should find another solution.”

He handed you the tea.

"I’m feeling hot." You say without thinking when you start drinking the potion.

Zeke couldn’t stop his evil mind from ranting about it again.

“Drink a lot and remember that you don’t need to ask me for permission to enter the bathroom.”

"I get it, you can leave." You almost yelled at him.

He laughs softly and goes out to go back to bed.

Thanks to the pain in your belly, it prevented your eyes from going lower than his face to look at his torso put naked under the open shirt.

You drank his herbal tea, which is really not bad and you dozed off against the bathroom tiles. As the minutes passed, you began to forget your pain. New obscene images returned in your head but this sleeping pill canceled any desire to fight these thoughts.

So little by little, you plunged into a dream-free sleep. Just relaxing.

°°°°°°°°°

You’ve been in the bathroom for a while, and he was getting worried. He hadn’t heard any sound for several minutes and couldn’t have gone back to sleep knowing you were dying next door. So he got up and opened the door of the room still lit. 

And what he saw made him escape a «fucking shit».

You were always lying on the ground, certainly sleeping but above all…. You had removed your top because the heat was crushing you too much.

He stood there for a while, knowing that it was pathetic to look at your bare chest half-crushed against the ground with a perverse eye. But what could he have done ?

If he ever touched you to bring you back to the room, he does not know if he will be able to control himself. He thought about bringing you the blanket and leaving you there overnight, but the idea quickly went away. 

He clung briefly to the door frame and sighed firmly before approaching you with a determined step.

He did his best not to look at you too much but his hands that began to look for the right points to lift you brought him these horrible but magnificent images in mind. The softness of this skin, the powerful heat that emanated from it and even its smell.

Your body was clean after the shower. Ready to be used again. But he spit another insult for himself and put his hands behind your shoulders and under your knees.

He lifted you quickly and returned to the room. But this body in his arms, moving slightly, with slight almost innocent sighs coming out of that mouth. That mouth that was used on him just a few hours ago.

He wanted more. He wanted more. As if everything he had kept for years would finally explode.

He had stopped in front of the bed, his fingers digging without thinking through your skin while he used all his strength to let go of you.

He forced himself to remember the moments when you put him angry but in honestly, it never really happened. He was amazed you killed a Marleyan, almost proud. He was afraid when you tried to escape, he was ashamed on the outside when you criticized each other for your own mistakes. And he was mad with desires when you voluntarily sat on his lap to take his cock. And even now, your breasts stroked his bust, almost begging him to come ever closer.

He turned slowly towards your face hidden by your hair. His heart almost went into cardiac arrest when he saw that you had your eyes on him.

He was speechless, obviously you too. Both of you awake and aware of the situation. He gathered the little mental strength he had left to speak:

“You... you were sleeping on the tile.”

"Is that why you wait for hours in front of the bed before put me on it ?"

Aggressive. Oh he loved it when you were aggressive, it meant you were embarrassed and what a pleasure… No ! Not now !

Fortunately, he carried you high enough on his stomach otherwise you would have felt his painful erection.

“I was just wondering if there was no other alternative. But no problem, the princess wishes will be realized.”

In your memory, only Miche called you a princess once. The kick you gave her didn’t hurt much but was enough to make everyone understand that you hated that nickname.

But you didn’t have time to tell him that he threw you into bed without grace before turning around to get your T-shirt.

You were going to catch your breath for this time indeed insult him but his profile froze you. The light of the room had highlighted his silhouette and even more the stick he was trying to hide under his boxer.

It shut you up right away. When he came back, he threw your shirt over your head before he quickly went to bed next door.

You put the fabric on and hid under the sheets. This whole adventure made you forget your pain.

The herbal tea was probably part of it.

Nice, yeah.

°°°°°°°°

Under the sheet, at sunrise, the simple contact between your foot and his calf woke him up for good. He quietly turned his head to see you and was relieved to see that your face was much less pale. You seemed to sleep peacefully as if no danger could reach you. Nothing to do with the eventful nights you spoke in your sleep.

He was happy that things were going “well”. The hardest will remain to come but otherwise, your cohabitation improved.

And when you asked him to sleep with him, he still couldn’t believe it. There were so many questions and hypotheses in his head that he would sit there for dozens of minutes thinking alone.

But for now he will have to behave perfectly with his superiors if he does not want to attract even more their mistrust.

He will have to behave perfectly with his superiors, but with you, nothing had changed…

Well, if...everything had changed. 

The awareness had been like a slap in the face.

The plan will be much more complicated to set up with you parasitizing his mind.

After this famous ten minutes to think alone, eyes constantly riveted on your shoulder, he finally got up without trying anything stupid.

°°°°°°°°°

When you woke up about an hour later, you immediately felt that the night had been restorative.

You were all alone in the apartment, with nothing else to do but bask in the warm big bed.

After a while, without knowing what might happen again, you decided to take a shower. Again. And was surprised to find a pile of laundry washed for you.

You dressed up not really in a hurry and went to sit in the office couch in front of the window. With nothing else to do, you looked down at the floor. A floor that had seen a lot. Assaults. Yours and Zeke’s. There was even his blood stuck between a few slats.

But unlike before, you looked at these traces as if they were parts of you for better or worse. It was not a good memory, far from it, but it hurt you a lot less to look at them thinking about everything that had happened.

Yes what happened yesterday had necessarily changed things but not at all as you thought. A kind of unhealthy little complicity seemed to have blossomed in spite of you.

Through the large window you again enjoyed the beauty of the landscape outside. Despite the rurality, grasses, trees and flowers managed to grow in places and offered a panoply of new color next to the dull stone soil.

It could be worse. That’s what you thought.

That’s right. I could have been locked up in a dungeon. Tortured and abused by strangers.

Until now, you were almost forcing your mind to remember your past sufferings to continue to fuel your hatred towards Zeke and the others but you knew it was visceral and useless. Apart from hurting yourself, it was useless.

So you looked at the landscape and breathed for the first time in a long time, a good breath of refreshing air.

Suddenly someone knocked on the door, putting an end to your ramblings. And as if we were replaying a theatre scene, as you turned, you again faced Reiner’s golden eyes.

He closed the door quietly and looked at you as if to gauge what he could do or not.

You jumped into his arms and wrapped your arms around his neck with a sound of collisions between you.

"Are you okay ?" He asked with the butterflies in his belly.

"Yes, I am. What about you ? What happens after I leave ? Why aren’t you locked up ?"

“It’s… Zeke didn’t turn me in.”

"Huh ?"

"But it doesn’t matter. (Y/n), do you... do you want me to kill him ?"

"What ?"

“As soon as you get out of here and safe, I will, I promise you.”

“Wait wait… uh… Wow, that’s too much information at once. Do you have a plan ?”

"To get you out ? I will do like the first time, I imagine Hange will contact me again for that but we will have to pay even more attention to Zeke. He must be suspicious of something.”

“Uh… no. Actually… he will help us.”

“What ? But… why would he do that ? He’s keeping you here.”

“No more now…it’s the Marleyans that keeps me with him.”

"But why ? It doesn’t make sense."

“Because… you know what ? We don’t care. This lunatic is going to help us get out and then we’re not going to hear from him because he’s going to be eaten by the next warrior.”

Despite your sharp words, a touch of bitterness made its way into your heart.

Yes, he’s going to get eaten, and if that doesn’t happen, he’s going to die anyway… this jerk is going to die…

“Get us out ?”

“Yes. Because I don’t want to relive what happened at our last meeting so you come with me.”

“No I can’t. (Y/n)… despite myself, my family lives here and if I ever run away, they will probably kill my loved ones.”

"But do you hear yourself ? You want to help me escape, which is already very risky but you don’t want to leave this hell ! Look at you." You put your hand on his hollow cheek. "Look what they did to you. Let me help you out of here. Please."

“They will kill my mother (Y/n) !”

“The one who sent you to this hell ! I… I don’t know her and I don’t want her to die but look what happens. Are you happy here ?"

“I must-”

"Are you happy here ?" you took his face in your hands and forced him to look at you like a little boy. "Reiner ?"

“No, I’m not. But look at reality. I have to make a choice between getting my mother killed and potentially my uncle my aunt and cousin, or running away with the woman I’m in love with for what ? To make her unhappy because I would give my last breath in a few short years. What should I do ? Be selfish ?! I don’t know ! I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. Whether it’s rational or absurd !" His voice broke and his eyes sparkled again. "I would so love to go with you but I don’t want my family to die. It doesn’t matter what mistakes she made. I love my family. I love you too. And I can’t take any more of this....”

“I…I…”

No, the words were useless and most importantly… who were you to make such a decision for him ? You certainly would have done the same if it had been your family.

So you were silent and you simply took him in your arms, his forehead crushed on your shoulder.

“Okay, forget everything I said… I’m … tired of this world, too.”

The embrace was long and sincere. What a pleasure it is to be able to have some comfort in this unknown city. You melted in his arms, your head against his collarbone, your breathing synchronized.

Just calm… and relaxed.

“I hope I’m not disturbing anything.” You jumped out and automatically walked away from Reiner to come across Zeke’s dark gaze. “As much as your relationship is none of my business, I would like to avoid seeing that anyone can walk into my office without my knowledge.”

“Excuse me, Zeke. But I think we need to talk. The three of us.” Reiner said.

The worst situation in the world.

You struggled to keep your cool, but the situation was so strange. Neither of the two really knew who the other was to you. Even if they had to.

“Indeed. Let me make this clear.” Zeke came forward almost threatening but Reiner did not move. “First of all, avoid seeing you two even if there is no Marleyan around. It will be known soon.”

"Yes, I understand that he is more careful that she stays with you, but I would like to know one thing."

"Yes ?"

“Why do the Marleyans keep you together ?”

A very unhealthy silence set in. You sucked your lips. Zeke passed his look to Reiner then you. First to silently rebuke you for not telling him. Then a strange glow shone in his pupils.

A glow… of fun. See with pride. 

"We don’t have to talk about that. They’re idiots, that’s all there is to know." You say without daring to look at them both.

"I think..." Zeke began. "That for respect and especially for that everything is clear between us, that you must tell him."

Beating the shit out of him, that’s all you wanted at that moment. You bit the inside of your cheek and clenched your fists before Reiner stroked your wrist.

“It’s okay. I won’t get upset or angry. You can trust me.”

His pretty smile made you even less want to tell him. He was too cute for that.

“I honestly don’t think that’s helpful.”

"If you don’t tell him then I will." Zeke insisted, controlling his winning smile as much as possible.

You gave him a dark look.

“I can’t believe you’re on our side, Zeke.” Reiner said, keeping his hand on your wrist.

“I can guarantee you that it is because now I am in the same boat as (Y/n).”

"What do you mean ?"

The blue look fell on you again.

“The Marleyans force us to have descendants.” Zeke said.

You lowered your head, nibbling your lips with shame and nervousness.

Reiner kept a breath in his throat.

“It’s… it’s happened before ?”

“Yesterday.”

VLAM

You were amazed at the show. 

After squeezing your wrist hard enough to hurt you, Reiner had used his warrior strength to smash Zeke’s jaw as he crashed to the ground.

He was sure that he would never get upset, no matter what you had to tell him. But there... that. That was too much.

The more amused Zeke’s gaze and the term «force» momentarily blinded him.

Zeke’s glasses had fallen to the ground and a visible trace had already appeared through the hairs of his beard.

Yet he kept a neutral face.

The golden gaze fell on you.

"Did he hurt you ?"

"Uh... what will you do based on my answer ?"

“Honestly…” He looked down at Zeke’s body. “I don’t know what I’ll be able to do.”

"You terrify me, Reiner." He provoked without moving from his position. “Don’t you think if I hurt her, she would have told you spontaneously ? Don’t worry…” he started to get up by pressing his hands on his knees. "I took good care of her."

You weren’t going to play the role of the crying woman who tries to interpose between two men who fight for you. That’s why you let Reiner grab Zeke by the collar of his coat and stick him forcefully against the wall.

“Would you rather I hurt her for an excuse to smash me ? Very immature.” Zeke said, who couldn’t remember his sadistic smile.

The grip of Reiner so strong that the heels of the bearded slightly lifted off the ground.

“I rather she wasn’t next to us so I could crush you under my armoured foot.”

“Come on, you’ll lose again.”

“Last time you won because you were far and high. Right now I will have no trouble ripping off your hairy head and giving it to her as a gift.”

Such violent words from Reiner’s mouth have stirred your guts. You would have liked him to say that before but it was still nice although disturbing.

“So go ahead. Become the savior you wish to be for her. Yet you didn’t react when you saw me having her as a slave at the party.”

"Zeke, shut the fuck up." You said behind Reiner’s back.

The young man smiles inwardly, happy to see that you were on his side. You both look at Zeke as if he were an intruder.

“I know you don’t like me to tell truths sweetheart, but honesty is the foundation of how a plan works.”

"So if I have to be honest, I can’t wait for Colt to eat you." said Reiner, gritting his teeth.

“I’m sure so. Let’s wait until he escapes and sort it out then. But the longer we waste, the more Marleyans will “force” us.”

A violent punch cut his breath. Reiner was about to give him a second one, but your hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Back off." You commanded him in a sweet voice.

He moved without letting go of Zeke’s collar. He thought at first that you were going to defend him but it was now your fist that struck his temple.

“Well, now that we’ve cleared things up, we can talk about the plan.” You say stepping back.

Reiner did the same, sharing a smile with you and leaving Zeke flabby against the wall.

Even if he tried to show his usual mocking smile, seeing you against him was unbearable. Just because he told Reiner the truth ? Like you’re ashamed.

At that time, he wanted only one thing: to be «forced» again by the Marleyans to go into the room with you.

Yes, it was wrong. But he couldn’t help thinking that.

“First of all, you, Reiner, have to get in touch with Hange because I and Zeke are being watched too much.”

“Not that much since I got into that apartment.”

“And that’s why you’re not going to stay long or we might get caught.” said Zeke in a sharp voice as he rose with his injured nose. 

"I know." Reiner gave him a dark look, it was too hard to leave you with him. “But can I at least have an explanation about… what the Marleyans forces you to do ?”

Aaah it’s so embarrassing ! You’re clenching your teeth again.

"Zeke is a royal heir and I am an Ackermann." You say quickly.

"An Ackermann ? That explains a lot, like your strength, your ability and your incredible resistance to titans-"

"Surely not to the young traitors who should quickly leave the room before being spotted." Zeke cut.

Your nascent smile for Reiner dies after his intervention.

"You didn’t mean immaturity ?"

The bearded guy was going to answer but when he saw Reiner holding your hand, his throat blocked.

“He’s right, I have to go. So we stick to the plan. Stay clean and I’ll do my best to find Hange quickly.”

“Okay, be careful.”

«Thanks, you too... uh...»

Your hands didn’t come off to say goodbye, you each wondered how to say goodbye. Even if your lips were burning apart and Reiner didn’t mind giving you a goodbye kiss, you soon remembered that Zeke was next door.

You discreetly stroked his hand and backed away to open the way out the door. He made a half-sad smile and proceeded to go out. Just before he closed the door behind him, he cast a dark glance at Zeke who gave it back to him in haste.

For the chief of the warriors had seen those little looks and that smile you exchanged. The embarrassed smile of two young lovers who-

LOVERS !

You could never be in love with Reiner ! He’s just a little whiner who was mistakenly selected to be a warrior ! And even if he had just smashed her nose, he couldn’t compete with Zeke.

You couldn’t fall in love with a guy like Reiner when there’s… there’s…

Zeke. I…I’m losing my mind…I need to calm down…I-

"Zeke ? Will you stand there like a turnip or will you bring us some food ?"

He blinked to come to his senses.

"When you asked me if the Marleyans would give you the choice between your potential future partners, you thought of him right ?"

"What’s your problem ? Why are you talking to me about this ?"

“We’re supposed to be a team, so I need to know exactly who my allies and enemies are.”

"Well, I told you ! It’s our ally it’s obvious no ?"

"So it was really him you were thinking of ?"

"But did you fall for it ? Do you think I’ll have fun making a ranking ?"

“Lying will cause our loss. Answer me !” he roars, grabbing your forearm to make you face him.

“Get off me !”

“We had a trust agreement !”

“So yes, you’re happy now ! Yes I was thinking of him !”

“…” His piercing gaze persisted with more and more nuances that you could not decipher. His hand, after many seconds, slowly loosened without letting go of you. "All right. Thank you for telling me."

"How does that help us ? Why are you pressuring me when there’s no need ?"

“I’m not pressuring you. I just see that you don’t trust me and I’m trying to fix it.”

“Fix it ? And when do you need to know that for our ultimate goal which is our escape ?!"

A slip of the tongue that did not fall on deaf ears. His mind bugged again.

Then cracked.

Thanks to your Ackermann blood, you saw his move come but you did nothing to stop him. Zeke put you against the wall in his two hands on either side of your head. The perfume he gave off and the heat that pierced his shirt to reach you and reminded you the day before.

And his eyes… you’d think he’d eat you.

“I’m getting really sick of it. Now you’re going to stop playing.” He scolded severely. 

“Play ? Play what ?”

“Stop it. You are sometimes kind in revealing things about my father, in wanting to sleep with me and sometimes you are execrable while I do my best to make everything go well !”

"What ? But you’re the one who’s too weird ! You’re the one who’s nice while you’ve done horrible things !"

“That was before that !”

"Oh well, my apologies ! If it was a long time ago, a few weeks ago, then all is fine ! You jealous lunatic !"

"Jealous ?! You’re about to kiss a guy who just walked into my office and you blame me for being mad ?"

“Yes, because I do what I want !”

“Not at my place !”

"So what ? You’re going to attack me again !"

As if you had just run a marathon, you both took a breath. Your last remark immediately silenced him.

You heard his fingers cracked near your ears as he clenched his fists to control himself.

His red face without glasses, his light hair falling before his dark eyes before his demons, and his breath that escaped only through the small holes that let his clenched teeth pass. He finally lowered his head in front of you and you saw his shoulders beginning to tremble.

At first you thought he was about to cry but when he looked up at you, the deep blue of iris gave you chills. You’ve never seen a look so hateful and indistinguishable.

Unfortunately the feeling he managed to make you forget, had returned. You were afraid.

Her smile inverted into a grimace mixing pain and control. Almost on the verge of madness.

No word could come out of your trembling lips.

He was breathing like… uh… a wild animal.

But as if he regained consciousness, his lost eyes found their way back to yours and his face softened in some way. Rather, a sad and sorry face appeared.

“This… it’s not against you.  It’s… this whole situation that makes me lose it. I don’t really know what to choose between what I need to do and what I want to do…”

His words have reassured you but you had seen this glow in his eyes, the glow of a real predator. Whatever this man hid deep within him, his wounds did not seem ready to close.

You could call it nurse’s syndrome, but you wanted to help him by seeing him like that. His reactions scared you but he seemed so normal at times that you thought he deserved help. Because it doesn’t seem to have happened very often. 

You never thought you’d do this one day, but your hands went up to tighten around his neck. You stuck against him to give him something that few people had to give him just like you being small, an embrace.

His fists were still stuck in the wall behind you but your gesture broke the thread in his head.

Your being stuck to his could make him even crazier.

But he did not move, focus to calm his heart, in vain.

Then you pulled out.

"I’m hungry." You said like nothing happened.

Finally he dropped his hands from the wall and got back straight looking at the floor.

And it is the heavy step that he left the room without answering anything.

°°°°°°°°

He continued in the corridor, a terrible face.

“Hey, Zeke, it’s been a while.”

He recognized Annie’s voice at the corner of the corridor.

"Hello Annie." He walked by without stopping but she followed him.

“You missed Porco’s funeral.”

"That was not my intention." he said coldly.

That’s right, now Eren has eaten the Jaw. It wasn’t planned—

"Pieck is inconsolable, you should go see her."

“I don’t have much time.”

"Oh yes ? What takes you so long apart from fucking your slave ?" she said to make him react.

And she did it.

He turned fiercely against her and uttered with his most threatening voice.

“Don’t forget Leonart, I can make of your life far worse than the hell you’ve ever been through. So one piece of advice, don’t interfere with my stories or Porco’s funeral will be just a taste of yours.”

When he began his threat, she was about to respond, but his words definitely froze her blood. She swallowed his saliva.

“I just want to tell you that you’re still our captain and that you should care more about us.”

"Who are you to tell me that? You who did not hesitate to abandon Bertolt and Reiner by kneading yourself."

“I would have liked to see you there !”

"Annie." Reiner’s voice is ringing in his back. "Don’t talk to the captain like that. He has his reasons for being distant these days."

"Do you know his reasons, Reiner ? Why does he stay locked up in his apartment with you know who ?"

It was hard to keep face. Stay calm, for the good of all even if it’s hard.

“You don’t have to talk to our captain like that as much as you do to your vice-captain. I saw Pieck, she needs to rest and think about other things. I told her to take the kids. You could go with her.”

The young woman stammered an insult to the two blonds and left the place.

"Thank you Reiner." said Zeke before resuming his walk.

“Wait ! We need to talk.”

“We already talked.”

"Listen." Reiner’s great hand turned Zeke to face it. "You... do you really want to have descendants with her ?"

Before answering Zeke looked behind Reiner and his gaze softened falsely.

“It is my duty to the country. You are the one who sings us constantly it praise, so do not reproach me for acting for it. Now excuse me, I need to talk to someone.”

He passed next to Reiner’s shoulder and the Armored Titan saw him disappear into the infirmary after seeing Marianne go in.

"Captain Zeke. What can I do for you ?"

“I would like more details about the attempts we have made.”

“If you want to make sure you have a child, you have to do it according to the Ackermann hormone cycle. You will also have to keep the plug I give you like last time and take care of your health.”

"Yes, but Magath did not give more instruction ? Do we have a time limit before he changes his mind and sends her to see someone else ?”

“He didn’t tell me anything. I don’t think we know where we’re going, as much as you do. And I honestly don’t think General Magath would accept a harem where men and women come to you on a regular basis to try to create Ackermann babies and other royal babies.”

“I think he also knows that I will categorically refuse this kind of thing, he is not stupid. How many times a week do you plan to examine my Ackermann ? Well, uh, the Ackermann."

“After each of your attempts. That is every 3 days.”

"Sorry ?"

“It was the top brass who asked, hoping it would increase the chances of the Ackermann getting pregnant quickly, but I doubt it. As I told you it’s better to follow the hormonal cycle but they wouldn’t listen to me.”

Zeke smiles viciously inside him. Every 3 days … the higher-ups are idiots fortunately.

“Okay, thanks for the informations. Do you have any anti-vomitive ?”

“Sure.”

After shopping for medicine, Zeke finally went to get food, still immersed in his thoughts.

Things lined up perfectly and its original purpose took shape without too many problems. But the only problem was weight.

You.

You were not planned at all and he knew it deep down, if anything ever happened to you, the plan will be ruined because he will never keep clear thoughts because of it.

It was getting too dangerous. Even an Ackermann could die easily. But your escape was a blessing for what he had been planning for so long.

An easy way to get in touch with Eren.

Tonight he made a big decision.

He’ll bring back a bottle of alcohol. And make you drink at least one sip.

Chapter Text

All day you’ve been waiting for something or someone in the office. Your belly was screaming hungry and you were wondering what was taking Zeke so long. You were going to yell at him when he came home.

As before, the days in his apartments were long and boring. No Titans to kill, no Levi to insult, no Hange to laugh with. You felt lonely but your memories of them and your hope kept you optimistic.

And even if you were in Marleyan territory, you didn’t feel particularly in danger despite what they forced you to do. Because you knew that if anything happened to you, Reiner and Zeke would react somehow.

Even if you didn’t want Reiner to put himself in danger, you were flattered that he and Zeke would protect you. You knew what power you had over them. Especially over him.

You wouldn’t be able to figure out if that power was disgusting your or if you were proud of it. But what was certain was that Zeke was in the palm of your hand.

A well-deserved revenge.

The door opened and he entered, food, bottles in his arms and a thoughtful face.

"Well, it’s not too soon. What were you doing ?"

“I brought you enough food to make us food.” He says without looking at you and putting the bags on the table.

"What ? In your dreams."

“You don’t do anything all day so here’s an occupation. I also brought you some books.”

“You can eat your books, I’m not your maid.”

"That’s right." He began to approach with a predatory step. "You’re my slave. Imagine a Marleyan opens the door and finds you with your feet on the table doing nothing ? It will only raise suspicion.”

“Stop making excuses and bring me food that’s already made.”

“I appreciate your kindness and understanding. By the way I just met Marianne and we will have to do it again every 3 days.” He says while trying not to let anything appear even if his statement sweated provocation and even revenge.

"Do what ag- ? " The end of your sentence died on your lips. And his discreet but satisfied smile only increased. "Every three days ? But it’s stupid."

“That’s also what she said, but it was the Marleyan superiors who asked for that.”

"And what does it tell me you didn’t make it all up ?"

“And I will add confidence to your qualities.”

He sat heavily on the couch next to you, visibly tired. He put a hand on his face after removing his glasses and rubbed his eye before looking at the same landscape as you through the window.

"The view doesn’t leave much to be desired. Don’t you miss the landscape of your walls ?" he says.

“It wasn’t just walls. And now that I’m outside, I notice that the world isn’t that different than inside.”

"Are you disappointed ?"

“I can never be disappointed after living in the Underground.”

"Underground city ?"

“Abandoned City.”

"How long were you there ?"

"9 years."

“You must have seen things.”

“It could have been worse. I wasn’t kidnapped and turned into a sexual slave like most children on the street alone.”

Even if your original idea was not to draw a parallel with your current situation because of him, Zeke took it like this.

He sighed hard. But no exasperation this time. He seemed really exhausted.

“In the bag there are already ready dishes.”

You laughed so nervously.

"Seriously ? All that for this ?"

He pretended half a smile and shrugged slightly.

“It’s so you don’t get bored.”

You collapsed next to him on the couch.

“Funny way to do it.”

“You should be used to it.”

And that’s how you found yourself again looking at a distant point in the landscape, together.

His mind was so preoccupied and you were so optimistic.

You were optimistic and it made him sick. He was happy to see you like that, but his betrayal will only be more cruel. Were you going to blame him ? Of course, but that was the plan…

After all these years of preparation, he could not change his plans. The end of this story will not be happy…

You had been looking at the sky for a while, the same as when you were in the walls, the one you couldn’t see when you were in the Underground. You turned your head towards Zeke by chance and was surprised to see that he had fallen asleep. His body had become much more relaxed, his mouth opened let pass gently the air and his hair fell in front of his face bent forward.

Is he asleep already?

You bent over and grabbed the bag to grab a dish and finally eat without leaving your place.

You sat quietly against the comfort of the couch and ate silently. Your breath was calm and you became aware of something.

Your breathing has never been so serene than since Erwin’s death. Since your only goal was to find the Beast Titan and kill him. And now you were eating quietly beside him as he slept. As if an unfounded trust had been established.

You looked at him again to see how you felt when you looked at him. Well, your heart didn’t get as much hate and fear as it used to. There was still anger, but that anger was... horribly seductive. You hated yourself for not hating him as much. You were ashamed of that.

You finished your plate, almost bitter by yourself, and put your head in the hollow of your elbow on the edge of the couch.

You were thinking, always lost in your emotions and feelings and trying to sort it out.

°°°°°°°

He was worried. He had searched all over town and found no trace of Hange or anyone else. This situation could not last !

That you were with Zeke… it was a betrayal. But not on your part. A betrayal of his superior that he could have considered a true friend. But rivalry took everything.

He wanted to go back to the apartment to see how you were doing and most importantly… what was your relationship with Zeke. He knew better than anyone that you’d hate whoever killed the Commander, so why was he so jealous ?

There was no way you’d get attached to Zeke after everything he’d done but he had a bad feeling.

Although forbidden to do so, Vice Captain Braun returned to his captain’s apartment to take a look.

When he arrived at the door he quietly put his hand on the handle and began to turn. He pushed the door very slightly and what he saw in the doorway was enough to take his breath away.

In the corner where he was, he could only see the corner of a sofa with two heads on the armrest. The heads were so close that he decided to take a step forward to be sure of what he was seeing. And he was.

He saw the body of the woman he loved, lying against that of his Captain. They were perfectly nested, his belly against her back, and slept peacefully together.

Reiner didn’t know how, but he managed to close the door without tearing it down. But he slammed it.

Strong enough to make you slightly jump in your sleep and tighten Zeke’s possessive arm around you.

One way or another, when you both fell asleep on the couch, Zeke lay on his side by habit and instinctively took the other body in his arms that was drowsy without thinking. And when he took you in his arms to lie down, you let yourself be done without opposition, already too far in sleep.

And you slept like that until Reiner opened the door and saw this show come out of his worst nightmares. Zeke was more intimate with you than he ever was.

It broke his heart.

But he was tired of crying. He had to do something. He had to find Levi quickly.

°°°°°°

The clicking sound had startled you and slightly opened your eyes. The light from the outside had decreased with the time and we began to see waves of orange nuanced in the sky. The heat you always had in your back was also a little tense after the slam.

You didn’t have to think long to understand the situation and yet you didn’t move. Neither did he.

"The sunsets are more beautiful in our country." You say without malice.

"Sure." He answered behind your ear without provocation.

…

…

…

"Zeke ?"

"Yes ?"

"Why did you become a warrior ?"

…

…

“Because I’m a weak human.”

…

…

"What makes you think that ?"

“Where do you think I would be if I hadn’t been a Titan ? I will live in poverty and misery, me and my grandparents.”

“Is it worth dying after 13 years ?”

…

…

…

“It was worth it to take a beating from you.”

You stifled your laugh.

“You convinced me.”

°°°°°°

In the end, you stayed like this long enough to fall asleep. Why was spending a day doing nothing almost as exhausting as chasing the Titans ?

He had thought of moving you to the room but the shadow of sleep followed him too. He was so good like that. In this precise setting, he had never been so relaxed and simply… happy.

Because he never was. How could he be ? His childhood, his adolescence and now his life as a young adult that will end as planned from the beginning.

Before he liked to fantasize about a simple but happy family life. He liked to imagine falling in love with a young girl with whom he would share, whether it be the bad times of life as simply looking at a common horizon.

But since the disappearance of his parents... no, since his birth he was not destined for that. His destiny was to change the world for the better. And even if he had to lie, manipulate, traumatize, kill… he did it for the good of humanity.

But he had not yet realized that it hurt so much to have to hide it while knowing that the truth about his plans will be discovered by his relatives. In the end, it will be as it has always been: alone.

That’s why he’ll make the most of his time.

°°°°°°

Someone knocked on the door very hard. You flinched into Zeke’s arms and by reflex, you took refuge against him, under his chin.

He passed his hand over his face and around you as if to protect you from something invisible.

But there were new blows to the door, which made you both sigh.

But before Zeke could get up, the door opened brutally and two soldiers entered the room pointing their rifle at you. Zeke blinked his eyes.

"How can I help you gentlemen ?"

Without really realizing it, you had held on a little harder to Zeke as if the two Marleyans had interrupted something you were ashamed of.

After examining the situation quickly, the two soldiers lowered their guns.

“The General sent us to check where you were Eldien. He finds you increasingly absent and not sufficiently concerned by the events.”

"And now that you have seen for yourself that I am not absent to please this lady, you will go back to see the General and tell him that everything is fine ?"

You pinched Zeke through his shirt, bubbling with embarrassment and shame. He pretended to ignore you even though he was controlling himself not to laugh.

"Be careful, Eldien ! Your place and authority have been greatly impacted and even though you have so-called royal blood, nothing prevents us from reminding you that you serve Marley and nothing else.”

Zeke sighed and lay back on the couch while hugging you like a mistress.

"At your command, my brave little soldiers. Now can you get out of this or risk seeing something that will shock you for the rest of your life.” He stroked your arm and looked them straight in the eye with a proud smile. “Unless you’re a little more fun than I thought.”

You really wanted to hit him. Not because you were angry but because you had to keep this image submitted to him in front of the Marleyans and that he took advantage of it openly. He knew you were bubbling and it was just building his excitement.

“Fucking disgusting. Don’t forget to see Marianne after.”

“Yes boss.”

It was with a last disgusted look that the two soldiers came out slamming the door.

“You’re an amazing actress.” He congratulated you before your elbow collided with his stomach and cut off his breath.

"Thank you." You say with a little victory in your voice as you heard him moan with pain against your back.

He never thought he would think that, but… your punches were really not unpleasant to take. They were excruciatingly painful like those of an Ackermann but they were made with so much passion and personalization that he was able to endure suffering to keep seeing it in your eyes.

It was morbid and unhealthy but the fact that you took so much to heart to hit him, it made him feel important to you, and that was what mattered.

You detached from its grip in first by stretching your body to finally get up and admire the sunrise.

“Hmm another long, boring day ahead.” You mumbled and yawned.

“My cooking offer is still relevant.”

“Go to hell.”

He sat on the couch and cracked his neck.

“I will bring you new clothes, sleeping fully dressed in a sofa is not hygienic.”

“Speak for yourself.”

“I can’t help it if your insults have a dozing effect on me.”

You heard him hum a chuckle as he disappeared into the bedroom. It’s true that a shower wouldn’t hurt.

To say that I slept like this, against him, in his arms… what a shame. But you had to admit that a little warmth and comfort in such a crappy situation was welcome. Even though it came from Zeke.

When he came back with your fresh clothes, you grabbed them and headed for the bathroom.

"Do you have plans outside ? Would you rather shower first or can I go ?"

"Why don’t we go together ?"

"What ?"

“I’m joking.” That’s not true. “Go first, I have time.”

You slammed your tongue and locked yourself in the bathroom. Who would have thought you could walk in there without a countdown or a scary silhouette watching you from the corner of the room. You dropped your dirty clothes and rushed under the hot water.

He may not have been inside the room but he could still hear what was going on. When the water started flowing, he knew you had taken off all your clothes. He was just staring at the bathroom door without blinking. The beast in him only wanted one thing, to run into the shower with you. Squeeze your two bodies soaked together. Let the heat invade you and the mist envelops you.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he could again do “his duty” for Marley. Make another attempt to reproduce with the Ackermann. He was so desperate.

In the end, who is in the service of the other in this blood heir duo ?

°°°°°°

As expected, the day was long. No news from Reiner or the others outside. Fortunately, Magath still left Zeke a lot of freedom given the situation. Apart from the few books he brought you, you had no occupation and the interactions you had with him were the only ones you had overall. It was a cage. Locked up with Zeke even though he was free to go out for meetings.

As for him, he was divided in what he felt that day. Very excited to be tomorrow to be close to you again but very anxious about the plan that he had coined. The bottle he chose was of superior quality. But if you refused to drink ? What would he do ? He would be able to swallow a sip and then kiss you languorously to force the liquid into your mouth.

He expected all the problems. As usual. He could never be relax.

Even during the meetings, he had gone head in the air, daydreaming about an idyllic life he would never have. Magath was right and it was bad. He absolutely had to keep a cool head but the more time passed, the more he had the firm impression that he was gone mad. This life made him mad.

But fortunately he had convinced Magath to let your new 3-day ritual do in his apartments and not in a dedicated room with guards in front. Marianne had argued that stress and abuse favoured fertility problems and that a truly more private place was needed.

Zeke’s obedience and good behavior pushed Magath to once again give him some confidence as long as the work was done and Marianne could see it afterwards.

°°°°°°

When evening came, you didn’t wait for Zeke to go to bed. The couch had hurt you all over your body and the fresh, soft mattress would be a good dressing. You avoided thinking about when he would come home and realized that you were once again getting into his bed voluntarily.

Will he provoke you ? Are you going to change positions during the night unconsciously and find yourself in each other’s arms again ? And most importantly… Why did you ask yourself all these questions ? Just sleep !

Maybe it was because you weren’t spending enough energy during the day but you couldn’t close your eyes. Your brain didn’t want to sleep.

So you waited. Again. Until you finally heard the main door lock open. You felt your heart throbbing any way as if you were waiting for your birthday party.

The first days here, when you heard that lock, your body was paralyzing fear. But now it was paralyzed by something else. So ashamed.

You listened to his steps heading straight to the room, he must have seen that you were no longer on the couch and rushed to check his theory.

He opened the door without paying much attention, almost impatient. You pretended to sleep and heard a sigh from him. Not an exasperated or bored sigh. It was understood that this sigh was for himtself. As a mark of control of himtself.

You hated yourself when you felt your smile.

Then he dropped off his things in the office and came back to wash up in the bathroom.

As if the roles had been reversed, you heard the flowing water and the immediate image of Zeke’s perfect body shining in the light because of the liquid appeared in your mind. And despite your efforts to think of something else, the noises you heard on the other side could only keep you awake.

The room sounded like a bathroom, you could hear him breathing, blow, undressing…

Because you too had not forgotten the 3 days.

Then the door opened again to close in the back of Zeke who now headed to bed. You were always lying back to him.

But when he got under the sheets, in addition to smelling the soap, you felt the moisture and warmth of the water still on his skin.

Even through your skinny t-shirt, you could almost feel steam coming out of his body to pull you towards him.

"Why are you pretending to sleep ?"

You sigh.

"How did you know ?"

“You move a lot more when you sleep. Now it looks like you’re just dead. Is something wrong ?”

"Did you piss in the bed or did you just forget to dry after a shower ?"

He loved it when you talked to him like that.

“Sorry. I’m just really hot.”

A smoky red has settled on your cheeks.

"You're disgusting."

“I heard better in terms of insult.”

You rolled a little on your shoulders to see him from the corner of your eye.

"Oh you want me to insult you ?"

“I have come to know you and I know that when you insult me, it is because you are dying to hear me.”

“When we have to sleep ? No thanks.”

"Why ? Are you looking forward to tomorrow ?"

Fortunately it was almost dark otherwise you wouldn’t have assumed your excited face. You turned around suddenly.

“Not to see your god damn face.” You mumbled, your head against the pillow.

He laughed heartily as usual.

“You don’t have to see my god damn face to do the right thing. But before you get even more ideas for your erotic dreams, I wish you good night.”

Your dreams ? If you can sleep but it was a bad omen because you were just rubbing your legs against each other.

And Zeke saw it.

°°°°°

Finally you managed to sleep well. But something pulled you out of sleep. A light wind against your neck. Like a breath…

You just moved your shoulders to feel him stuck right behind you like you were on the couch.

After all, it was the day to… it’s just an obligation for stay alive.

Almost unconsciously and again in the fog of awakening you moved your body against his, either to have even more contact or to wake him.

But as you got closer, you suddenly opened your eyes.

You felt very clearly the harshness that he contained in his underwear while he was behind you. His bar crushed against the fabric that covered your ass. You did not move at this moment, paralyzed by all the contradictory thoughts jostling in your head.

Then you heard him swallow his saliva behind your ear.

“Sorry…” he whispered before rolling gently to the side to look at the ceiling. “It’s mechanical in the morning often.”

"That’s reassuring." You answered sarcastically.

You got mad at yourself when you felt disappointed that he was getting up so fast. By reflex and just before he entered the bathroom, you glanced at him and felt your heart speed up on its own by seeing the tent on his boxer.

Separately, you both prepared.

Why is the weather so nice outside now ? And how is it going to work this time? We have to go back to the room ? What time ? Stop asking questions !

°°°°°

Eventually he quickly disappeared from the apartment after going through the bathroom. So you had plenty of time to prepare.

Looking at the pile of clothes he left you, you whispered an insult, amused. Instead of the usual T-shirt and pants he gave you, he had chosen a kind of full wetsuit.

It wasn’t particularly tight or sexy but it was much nicer to look at than your old clothes.

So you put it on and you looked in the mirror.

Before you could never make yourself beautiful for an occasion or just feel feminine and ready to please. But seeing you like this, straight and relaxed, it was like a breath of fresh air coming out of your usual fog.

And rebelote, you went back to the office, on the couch, yet another book in your hands.

°°°°

It was a long time. You had already spent hundreds of hours alone in that office but never a day had been so long. Yet it only took 2 hours maximum but your brain was on.

When will he come back ? Maybe he’s been arrested ! Maybe-

You jumped on the couch when you heard the door open. Zeke’s masculine perfume imprinted in the air. You pretended to ignore him when he seemed to be bringing groceries and dropping it off at the closets.

It was strangely quiet. You had your eyes on your book but it had been a while since you stopped reading.

Your heart was go again when Zeke put his jacket on the chair and approached you with something in his hand. You looked up him falsely bored.

“I brought this.” He said.

"What is it ?"

“A bottle of cold.”

"Seriously ? Did you get something to drink at a time like this ?"

“I was thinking this might give you a little bit of... chill.”

"So that’s it ? Are you gonna take advantage of a drunk girl ?"

“Don’t be ridiculous, I think a few sips won’t hurt us.”

"And who says you didn’t piss in it ?"

“Oh believe me, if I did something like this I would want you to know just to see your face.” He said.

"You gross bastard."

"At your service."

You took the bottle.

“I’ve… I’ve almost never had a drink.”

"Almost ?"

“Once. And it’s not over very well.”

“Alcohol is disinhibitious and knowing your temperament, I wouldn’t be surprised if you said or did a little more than you should have.”

“You can call it…I had fun making a list of the hottest guys in the Regiment… until Levi found it…”

Zeke laughed, surprised and intrigued.

“My God… and at that point you didn’t know it was your cousin so you put him on the list.”

“I hope with all my heart that this bottle will make me vomit on you.”

"Come on, I think two small sips would be a good start." he said, serving a first drink and then giving it to you.

You approached the glass to feel the liquid but you started coughing just with the smell.

"Oh, what is this horror ? No way I’m drinking this."

“And you who said you were no longer a child…” sighed Zeke ironically, resting his hand on the glass.

But you took it back.

“It’s okay, I’m going to drink it ! Stop saying I’m a child, you’re the old one.”

"That’s it. Cheers !" he said, raising his own glass.

Tchin

You dipped your lips in the burning liquid and forced you to swallow a first sip. It was horrible.

"Errrgh *kof* *kof*."

You heard him laugh beside you. As you struggled to drink a sip, Zeke had drunk half a draft with a mocking smile on his face.

Then he put his hand on the table on which you were leaning to approach you while overhanging you.

“Even though I know you don’t need alcohol to enjoy the rest, I thought it would allow us not to relive a tearful scene before that.”

By automatism, as to give you courage, you drank this time a big sip because your mind was immediately focused on something else. Then you looked up at him, making a complete mockery of his intimate closeness.

“I’ve had a question in my head for a while. Who do you think you are ?”

Undeterred, Zeke did not lose his smile and responded with a surprisingly sweet voice:

“For an heir of royal blood, of course. And you…” His hand covered yours to gently put the glass on the table without leaving your eyes. “…you are my Ackermann.”

This depersonalization gave you chills. Even worse because you liked it despite yourself.

"Are your methods of seduction limited to that ?" You murmured.

“They’re still better than yours.”

"I don’t need to seduce you."

He raised his eyebrows.

Which one will have the most power ? Honestly he didn’t care. Even more so when you didn’t give his time to answer that your fingers were pressing on his crotch, revealing his definitive excitement.

He stealthily clenched his teeth, half ashamed, half excited. Since when did you control the situation ?

“Natural reaction of a human body. And don’t forget that humans are animals first.”

"I knew you were one."

“Just like you.” He suddenly approached, almost gluing his chest against yours to whisper in your ear, "I will make you cum again and again until you are completely empty and then fill you by myself."

If you ever wondered if you were a little excited to start this, now you had your answer. Your panties must have been flooded after his perverse words. You shivered with a mixture of apprehension and excitement.

The fact that you didn’t even answer confirmed to him that you liked the idea even if you never confessed. You felt his amused breath on your cheek and he turned his face towards the face, literally nose to nose.

"Who would have thought that behind this aggressive and distant behavior, hid a little impatient pervert girl ?"

“I’m not impatient !”

Without leaving your eyes and to silence you, his fingers and palm landed against your con through your pants. The fact that you were finally touched when you must have already been well inflated was both relieving and electrifying.

His proud and provocative look made you want to hate him but at the same time it was what excited you the most. It was hard to explain but this complicity mixed with adversity was actually the whole basis of your relationship and see how it could mix with your libido, it was euphoric.

By reflex, you put your hand against his chest in a semblance of wanting to push him away, without much conviction. His fingers touched precisely where your clit was and began to make small circles on it.

“And that poor Reiner was never able to do that.”

Your brain is out.

You thought about giving him a kick but instead you burst out laughing.

"I was right." You shoved him by the shoulders, directing him to the foot of the bed until he dropped on it. "You are jealous, Mr. heir of royal blood." You accused him by looking down on him.

He laughed soundly.

“Maybe a little bit. But I’m sure if I behaved this way with another woman, you’d make a mess of her.”

"Sure." You answered ironically by moving away to sit in a chair a little further away as if to frustrate him. "Anyway, who could stand you ?"

“You. You love to stand me.”

You made fun of yourself by having another drink of that horrible bottle. It reminded you of the bottles Kenny used to drink.

"You should pay attention to the quantity." he warns.

"Then come and take it out of my hands." You replied, sipping the glass with a provocative air.

He bit his lower lip focusing on the control he was trying to establish but it didn’t work at all. But unfortunately for you, this time, he will have control.

He got up, his face had become the terrifying mask that had first displayed when you met.

When he stopped beside you, you pretended not to look at him and continued to drink your glass.

When he put his hands on the table where the bottle was, you began to swallow.

And when he sat right next to you and stared at you with his mysterious and frightening air, you shivered.

"What ?" You say aggressively to mask your apprehension.

“Nothing. I’m just watching you drink until you can’t get up and take advantage of you, that’s all.”

You were almost speechless if your lower lip hadn’t started to shake. Obviously you understood that he was still doing this only to scare you and have control, nothing serious, but he was definitely terrifying.

“Stop it, it’s not funny.”

“This whole situation is very serious. But you have a choice, either you stop drinking and we can just do things, or you go on and you won’t be able to ride me.”

You could have choked if you hadn’t finished your drink. By denying the situation, you continued to drink without paying attention to him. Even when he had another drink too, always without leaving your eyes to keep you uncomfortable.

But the more you gobbled up the cold, the more you didn’t care. Worse, it excited you.

“Stop pretending, you’re a bad actor.” You’re mean.

"Good enough to make you shake your hands." He answered, staring at your fingers against the glass.

"It’s because of the alcohol." You mumbled while dipping your lips in the glass for the umpteenth time.

But he gave you a slight nudge that made some of the alcohol squirt on your clothes.

"Oops."

"You’re such a kid."

“Not just.”

His hand caught yours, which still held the glass, and pushed it against the table behind you. Before you could react, he overhung you and pressed his lips against your neck, where the cold had been projected.

By mechanism, you wrap your arms around his neck and let him lapp your skin as if it was it who moisturized him.

Even if you contained your sighs and moans, you hiccup with surprise when he grabbed you by the buttocks to lift you from the chair and head for the bed. He dropped back to lie on the mattress with you lying on him. All without detaching his mouth from your skin.

The alcohol having done its job, you were completely relaxed but another sensation took more and more place in your mind. At first you thought it was fear again but it was just excitement.

You were tired of taking matters into your own hands so you let yourself go in his embrace, waiting impatiently for the continuation.

But he took his time. The time to raise the excitement and the desire until you asked him to speed things up.

As he stroked the shivering skin of your ribs and belly under your T-shirt, he continuously kissed any smallest part of your body that his mouth could reach. Your neck, collarbones, shoulders, jaw, and soon the beginning of your chest.

Your hands were clenched against his pectorals, always looking for sensation and enjoying the sculpted body they had under them.

You closed your eyes like him, plunging into all his sensations of pleasure, those shivers of excitement and the cloud of alcohol that made you forget everything else.

You spontaneously grabbed his jaw with both hands to kiss him fiercely. His poor heart kept accelerating in his ribcage. He savored every second that your mouth willingly offered him, which led him to raise his hands enough to get close to your bra.

You rub your legs against his, soon your hips too. It took all his mental strength not to overthrow you and undress you savagely. He was always afraid to scare you and remind you of bad memories but his desire to take control of you only increased.

Even more so when you put your hand against his pants, right where his erection was fighting so you could get him out.

He bit the skin of your collarbone in response and grabbed your dressed chest without waiting another second.

You put your other hand in his hair to bring him closer to you and smell his perfume.

But one moment you opened your eyes.

You thought you were hallucinating when you saw Reiner’s golden eyes by the bedroom door. You blinked several times, but he was there.

In the room.

You stood up from Zeke’s embrace.

"Reiner ?"

“I don’t have much time, I was able to get in touch with Eren.”

Zeke’s hair was bristling. How dare he enter when you were with him. At that very moment when he could finally hold you without thinking about the rest. And what did he and Eren talk about ?

But you, knowing Eren’s hatred of Reiner, looked at him worried.

“We’ll meet again soon to come up with a plan so you can get out.”

“Honestly…” Zeke Intervened, reinforcing his grip on your hip. “Do you really think this is the time to talk to us about this ?”

Reiner’s pupils shrunk.

“It’s always time to talk about this. It’s the priority. (Y/n) ?”

You began to step back, putting your hands on Zeke’s chest to get away. The alcohol managed to escape too much embarrassment.

“No, you’re right, it’s the priority. But it’s true that now…” you saw his eyes open with amazement. “… You could have stumbled upon a worse time but uh…”

Behind you, Zeke bit the inside of his mouth to hold back from laughing victory. You were finally on his side. A simple playful look at Reiner was enough for the vice captain to leave the room immediately.

“Hey Reiner ! Wait !”

Zeke let you leave the room and go out into the hallway to catch up with Reiner, too happy to have won.

Once you reached the height of the tall blond you pulled him by the shoulder.

“Listen… sorry you had to see this but…”

“I didn’t say anything, (Y/n). You do what you want but I still have the right not to want to know too much. Especially when it doesn’t seem to bother you.”

He was trying to leave but you kept him in place with your Ackermann grip.

“Do you think I like this whole situation ? I spent too much time in hate and decided to accept the situation to get my way. I wish it had been otherwise, believe me…”

At the red of your cheeks, he understood that you must be drunk. Good so you wouldn’t hide anything from him.

“Okay I understand…but I have one question.”

“Go ahead.”

"Are you still planning on killing him ?"

This time you were silent. You looked at each other long enough to convince him otherwise. And it went around in his head.

"He killed Commander Erwin." he says.

Yes, it was cowardly, but he had to remind you.

"I know ! You think I don’t think about it every day ?" You took a step back and looked at it almost unkindly. “But you also killed people. Maybe even more than him. Eren’s mother for example.”

This time he was upset. The anger that had accumulated did not stand up to the pain and trauma of his actions. He looked at you almost horrified like a little boy.

You immediately regretted your words.

“No, wait… it’s more complicated I know but…”

Tears at the corners of his eyes made yours rise. You extended a trembling hand towards him and the warmth of a palm around your wrist stopped you.

“I don’t think this is the right time and place to talk about this.” Zeke said in a firm but calm voice.

"Zeke, what are you doing ?"

The sudden voice of Magath in the distance in the corridor brought the three of you back to reality.

Immediately, Zeke’s hand tightened tightly around your arm to hold you like a little girl.

“I was giving my slave a little correction.”

You let him do it, and you automatically lowered your head.

"In the hallway ? Yet you have better things to do. What are you doing here, Braun ?"

He had blinked enough times to ease the tears that were beginning to appear.

“I was the one who caught up with this girl and brought her back to… Zeke.”

“Do you know that if the senior officers learned this, they would lock you up in the dungeon so they wouldn’t worry about you? Get out of my sight before someone else sees you.”

“Yes General.”

With that, he pulled your arm coldly after you cast a sorry look at Reiner. His sad face mixed with the cold in your blood will tighten your throat and you bit your lip to avoid crying.

Zeke slammed the door and released your arm without leaving you.

"Are you okay ?" He asked.

"Yes." you answered with a half-broken voice as you collapsed on the couch.

“We can wait a bit if you want.”

"Yeah, that would be cool."

"Do you love him ?"

! His question was spontaneous and he was not sure if he wanted to know the answer. But it made you finally cry and cover your face with your hands.

He was caught off guard and apart from sitting down and putting a hand on your shoulder, he didn’t know what to do. The jealousy, the anguish of the plan to come and his various feelings for you froze him in his reflexion.

You continued to cry with his arm on your shoulders and instinctively leaned against him.

"I’m sorry, I know you didn’t want it to be teary." You just babbled between two sobs.

“No no, don’t be sorry.. You said it, it’s complicated.”

Yes, it was complicated. It was so complicated to have to refrain from enjoying his victory. Or to continue where you left off. Even if your tears pressed his heart, he could not calm his mind.

His arm tightened a little more around your shoulders, pushing you to put your head under his chin. Luckily you’re not looking at him now because he couldn’t help but smile.

The minutes passed, until your tears dried and you could calm down. The embrace was so comforting, when it shouldn’t. But as you told Reiner… you accepted the situation. Like forgiving the murderer of a loved one just so you can grieve and move on. You’ve been eaten up in the past too long.

So as you got relaxed, slouching on Zeke’s chest. He raised his hand on your shoulder to wipe superficially a tear still present on your cheek.

“I hadn’t asked you the question, but…did you like the first time ?” he asked to bring the principal subject back.

Oh he already knew the answer and he didn’t doubt himself, but the red on your cheeks made you so cute.

"I would have let you know if I hadn’t." You said grumpy.

He laughs softly.

“And… would you like to try new things ?”

Your belly was writhing. You hated it.

“I don’t know…like what ?”

“Well, just about the position, for example.”

He had to take a chance.

“Oh well... maybe... I don’t know…”

A single sexual experience didn’t turn you into an expert. He was the one who knew a lot more than you did, so he was the one leading the game. But your perverse curiosity pointed out the tip of it nose.

“Just tell me or not. Or if you have an idea, go ahead.”

“Do what you want.” You say without really considering the weight of your words.

He felt like he was still imagining a scene but no, you really said that sentence.

"Before I do anything, I’ll explain and you tell me if you want to try. Okay ?"

“Okay.”

Without waiting any longer, he turned on you so that he could put himself above you.

"If I’m above you, are you okay ?"

“You’re already there, pervert.”

He laughs again, a little sorry.

"Sorry, is that okay ?"

"Yes, or I’ll tell you !"

You had to be aggressive to hide your embarrassment and excitement but he understood how you worked now. You seemed so impatient.

He stepped forward a little until he brushed your lips with his. His warm breath immediately made you want to kiss him again.

"What if I touch your panties ?"

You swallowed your moan and instead of answering, you slightly spread your legs for him.

His mocking and provocative smile made you want to hit him but also that he removes all your clothes to both of you.

"I need to hear it from you to be sure." He asked falsely innocently.

“So yes, go ahead instead of talking.” You grunted against his lips.

Looking straight into your eyes, he lowered his hand between your legs and passed it straight into your loose pants.

You opened your lips so you could breathe better with the heat that started to rise.

Then you felt the pressure of his strong fingers against the fabric of your panties, where were your folds and your knot of impatient nerve.

He saw the slight hip movements you gave to get even more his touch so he painfully passed his thumb right on your clit. What made you shut your mouth afraid to ease your moan. Oh your moans, it was honey in his ears.

"If I stick my fingers in your pretty pussy ?"

His vulgar words have strangely excited you even more than you already were. You felt that you might be willing to explicitly ask him to do so, or even beg.

You nodded quickly without daring to look him in the eye. But his second hand stroked your chin to make you look up at him.

"I didn’t hear you."

"Yes !" You answered almost unkindly as a teenager.

He brought his mouth near your ear, his beard hairs scratching his cheek and his breath tickled your skin.

“No need to be so aggressive.” He pressed his fingers hard against your sex, you stammered an insult. “I’ve already seen everything…” His fingers made their way next to the fabric so that they could finally touch your sensitive and swollen skin while you clung to it as if your life depended on it. “… felt everything…” His index finger titillated your clit without much energy and you pushed your nails into his back. “…heard everything…” He came back to your face, he was visibly as excited as you were even if he tried to hide it. “… so you can show me everything, ask me everything, without any restraint.”

You sighed hard, impossible to have a normal breathing.