Work Text:
Inheriting a multinational company at the tender age of twenty three and handling the responsibilities it brings along with it for over a decade is exhausting, but Jeongguk discovers that being the son in law of Seojun Park, the mayor of Busan, is a whole other ballgame— one that is starting to wear down on him.
After yet another demand for an exorbitant amount of money from Park at the dead of the night, Jeongguk downs his third glass of scotch, and dials for his accountant.
It rings for a minute before a groggy voice answers from the other side.
"Mr Jeon, it's 3am!"
Jeongguk doesn't address the disrespectful tone from his subordinate, choosing to get straight to the point. "Transfer a billion won into Jimin's account."
"A billion? Again?" Taehyung exclaims in shock, then huffs out a harsh laugh. "Does Jimin have any idea that he's the most expensive husband in Korea?"
Negotiating with Mayor Park whose greed seems to have no end has already been taxing enough, Jeongguk quite literally cannot handle the conversation lasting longer than it needs to be.
"Just do as you're told."
"No but seriously... Seojun Park has been demanding more and more money since you said yes to the wedding. It's extortion at this point."
"Thank you for your input, but I am aware of this fact. There's nothing I can do about it. Our company needs favors from the government", he repeats like he has several times before, for the benefit of Taehyung as well as himself, "and if that requires marrying into the mayor's family and funding his campaign, so be it."
The voice on the other end of the line goes quiet for a second. "What about Jimin?"
"What about him?" Jeongguk says curtly, rubbing his eyes in frustration. "He'll be provided for. I'll make sure he has everything he ever needs."
"What if you're the one he needs?" Taehyung suggests softly. "He doesn't even know that this entire wedding is a business transaction. What if it all falls apart?"
Jeongguk scoffs at the ridiculous concern. "I am sure he is gonna piece everything together soon. I doubt he's gonna have a big reaction when he finds out. He may not know the exact nature of our marriage, but he must have an inkling. He's the son of a politician after all, and if he's anything like his father, you're wasting your breath."
Jeongguk ends the call, not waiting for a response.
PARK JIMIN
Hello Jeongguk-ssi ❤️❤️❤️
Have you woken up yet? Are you well? It's been two weeks since I saw you ☹️
I am so excited for the cake tasting today 💫🌟✨
Can't wait to see you in a few hours 💗💓
jeonggukie hyung <333
Jimin...
It slipped my mind completely
I won't be able to make it
I'm sorry
PARK JIMIN
It's okay 💗💗
I know you must be busy...
See you tomorrow at the caterer's then?
jeonggukie hyung <333
I'm afraid I won't be able to make it there either
PARK JIMIN
Oh ☹️
jeonggukie hyung <333
Let's just let the wedding planner handle these things, okay?
Get yourself some rest
PARK JIMIN
You too hyung
Please take care 🥺🥺🥺
don't overwork yourself!!
fighting ✊🏻💘
Jeongguk scrolls through the text messages he just exchanged with his future husband.
It is almost impossible to believe that it takes Jimin only a second to get past his discrepancies and carry on with the conversation as if nothing happened. How can anyone be so quick to forgive? He cannot make sense of it, but he is sure of one thing— his first impression of Jimin was correct.
Jimin is weak.
Jeongguk still vividly remembers the day they met.
Weak.
When jeongguk is introduced to the boy he is supposed to marry, the first word that comes to his mind is 'weak'.
Park Jimin, son of the mayor of Busan, bends over backwards to please, breaks himself to ease others.
It is quite pathetic.
To make things infinitely worse, his future husband is only nineteen years old, still in college; fresh faced and buoyed up by the promises of youth. In front of Jeongguk's own thirty five, the Park boy is practically a child.
Jeongguk is going to marry a child.
"My son doesn't know about the money that Jeon Corporations is donating to our political campaign", Seojun Park had told him the day he proposed the idea, gaze fond, and Jeongguk had barely resisted the urge to laugh out loud at the use of the word 'donation.' As if. "He is a lovely boy. Any person who marries him will be the luckiest."
Jeongguk had internally scoffed.
He doesn't feel lucky at all.
Their wedding is the grandest affair this side of the country has seen in years.
The brick-red walls of the church have been draped in lilac hydrangeas, and the symphony of the orchestra playing in front of the champagne fountain overrides the chatter of the guests. Every high profile face of Korea, and half the world, is in attendance, and Jeongguk has to make more small talk than he did at his father's funeral.
After the twentieth consecutive lackadaisical conversation about the state of affairs under the leadership of Mayor Park, he starts to feel a migraine coming. The rest of the event, right up until the moment they exchange their vows, is a blur.
Jeongguk pronounces every syllable of the vows that were provided to him by the wedding planner with clarity and precision, as if he is declaring their union to the entire world. Words have weight, and Jeongguk believes that every action, even one as futile as this ceremony, should reflect if the person is worth their salt.
Jimin has written his own vows, and has to take several deep breaths as he mumbles them, his wide eyes scanning through the crowd to look for his family's encouragement and proud nods as he does so.
There is pin drop silence inside the church during the wedding ceremony, and yet even the minister has to lean in to hear Jimin say "I do." The words are quiet and tremulous— weak like Jimin himself, diametrically opposite to the resonant echo of Jeongguk's voice.
'Is Jimin even capable of raising his voice?' Jeongguk wonders.
"You may kiss each other", the minister announces, and Jeongguk leans in to plant a small peck on Jimin's lips.
Their kiss lasts one second, and stays in Jeongguk's mind for half of that.
Under the pretense of being the newly married couple, they have to stick by each other's side for the remainder of the night, and Jeongguk can't help but observe Jimin— the way he winces when a distant stray laughter catches him off-guard, the way he trembles in the slightly chilly breeze drifting inside through the arched windows, the way he bites his lips to cut off a reply that has even the slightest chance of garnering disagreement.
It makes him question for the thousandth time if he is making the mistake of a lifetime by marrying Jimin.
Jeongguk has always respected strength, and his little husband seemingly has none.
And yet, on their wedding night, Jeongguk finds himself holding Jimin a little tighter than he needs to.
Jimin feels delicate, almost fragile, underneath him, as he gazes up at him with his lips parted when he eases his cock inside him, and a dab of crimson spreads across his cheeks in the pattern of a butterfly's wings. It is rather... lovely. Exquisite, actually. Jeongguk gets the ridiculous feeling that he can watch him forever.
Jimin tastes like a cocktail of cocoa butter lipbalm and champagne, and Jeongguk finds it quite easy to lose himself in his heady taste. His lips are soft and plush, swollen from his kisses, his nipples bitten and raw, yet he can't keep himself from teasing them further with his teeth.
Jimin isn't loud— not even in bed, no— he bites his lips to keep himself from whimpering out loud, he pants right into his ear when Jeongguk hits the spot just right, he digs his nails on Jeongguk's back when he spills cum on his taut abdomen, he quivers with quiet, needy moans that sound like music to his ears. It sends waves of fire roiling through his bloodstream.
He devours Jimin until he is flushed all over— little toes and little cock all painted in the same rosy pink. His pupils are dilated into wide inky pools, his lashes wet from tears, and cock completely spent.
His little husband manages to wrench three orgasms out of him during the course of the night, and at least, they are compatible in this regard, Jeongguk thinks, a touch relieved.
By the end of their first week in the estate, Jimin has already told him that he loves him.
Jeongguk chooses not to address it.
Slowly, as time goes by, their days begin to align together— morning starting with an assorted breakfast and a goodbye kiss as Jimin sees Jeongguk off for work, and ending with a quiet dinner on the table, desserts in the sofa while the TV plays in the background, sex the moment they can get their hands on each other in private, and sleeping on their own sides of the bed.
It is a familiar rhythm, with rare revelations and surprises, like the day Jeongguk discovers that Jimin has one very peculiar interest— a drama called 'Miserable Mrs Choi.'
Every night when the clock strikes six, Jimin tunes into the drama without fail. He watches it with utmost dedication, a frown on his face and a pout on his cherry lips, and his facial expression reflects whatever is happening on the screen, which is often one of anger at something or the other that Mrs Choi's third husband did.
Jeongguk doesn't know what perplexes him more— his little husband's unusual interest in the absurd drama, or his own curiosity about said husband's interests that should be of no concern to him.
The drama goes for a short commercial break, and Jimin turns to him with an expectant look on his face.
"Hyung, you remember that we're visiting my family for dinner tonight, right?"
"Was the dinner tonight?" he questions, acting like he had forgotten. Visiting Seojun Park is understandably not one of Jeongguk's favourite activities, and truth be told, he feels no remorse for canceling on him.
Jimin may be too gentle for his own good, but he isn't a fool. He tilts his head, gaze upset. "Eomma asks about you— how you're doing and why you don't visit, and I don't like lying to her every time"
Jeongguk chooses not to respond to that, because he is aware that Mrs Park, much like Jimin, doesn't deserve his contempt. He continues reviewing the reports on his laptop, hoping that Jimin would let it pass.
The commercial break ends and Jimin turns his attention back to the screen. Even Mrs Choi's third husband doesn't elicit a response from Jimin that evening.
JIMIN
my appa said he'll gift us a honeymoon trip
will you tell me when you're free? 💗💗
Jeongguk doesn't know what to make of the text notification that lights up his screen. Mayor Park is going to "gift" them a honeymoon using the money that Jeongguk gave him? It is as ridiculous as it is enraging.
hyungie <333
isn't it too late for a honeymoon, jimin?
it's been a month since our wedding
JIMIN
but we didn't go on a trip
or anywhere actually
☹️
hyungie <333
i will let you know when i'm free
JIMIN
☹️☹️☹️
hyungie <333
my meeting ended earlier than i thought it would.
do you want to eat outside today?
JIMIN
yes 💗💗💗💗💗💗
Jimin is easy to distract.
Ideally, that wouldn't have been as big of an asset to Jeongguk but it is, because Jimin is just as easily an even bigger distraction.
For hours, Jeongguk has Jimin seated on his lap, split open on his cock. He swallows all of his whines, makes him cry till dawn with pleasure. Rough hands, tender touches; hoarse voice, gentle murmurs, he discovers facets of himself as he explores Jimin with leisure.
Jimin isn't loud by any means, but he is expressive, overtly so, his face a mirror. It takes Jeongguk time and energy to learn the cues of his husband's body— the way he arches his back to demand for more, the way he mewls when he needs a second to breathe, and Jeongguk surprisingly enjoys the effort.
Having a husband is rather convenient, Jeongguk realises— the familiarity, the mutual trust, the ease of access only acting as a supplement to his indulgence, never a deterrent.
Jimin fumbles with his cock as he tries to wrap his hand around it, his hips undulate when he attempts to ride him, but it doesn't test his patience. Jeongguk relishes his inexperience, enjoys being the first cock to spill his seed on his rosy face, enjoys being the first person to inch a jeweled plug up his rim, because what Jimin lacks in experience, he more than makes up for in enthusiasm.
"H-hyung?" Jimin pants while he is pumping inside him on the settee, the peachy light from the dazzling sunset pouring in through the blinds painting them both in warm colors.
Jeongguk doesn't stop as he hums in answer, nipping at the angle of his jaw to nudge his question out.
"Why doesn't— ah, hyung listen please — why doesn't anyone visit our estate?"
"You are thinking about other people when I'm inside of you?" he teases, tilting his chin up until they're face to face, and sucks harshly on the column of his neck. "Your husband's cock is not enough to keep your mind occupied?"
Jimin gasps, blushing, and stares at him quizzically with his big, dark eyes. "I am a-asking why don't my husband's friends come over to see us."
So that's what this conversation is about, Jeongguk surmises. After he leaves for work, Jimin spends the entire day by himself, with nothing to do and no one to keep him company. He must be starved for human interaction.
"Your husband doesn't have any friends", he explains, watching Jimin's eyes open impossibly wide, lips forming an 'o.' He can taste the disappointment on his lips.
Jimin rises on his elbows to join their lips for a searing kiss, lifting his hips to seat him deeper, and oh, Jeongguk thinks, what a sweet distraction indeed.
The next evening, Jeongguk brings home a tiny puppy— with golden fur and bright, mocha eyes. Jimin is teary with happiness, and Jeongguk feels an empty corner of him fill with something indescribable, something warm.
At least, one of them won't be lonely anymore.
There is an addictive quality to domestic bliss.
Jimin respects his boundaries and his need for distance, isn't clingy or demanding, doesn't expect much from him or leave him guessing. Every day is more or less the same, and yet the uneventfulness of it is what Jeongguk relishes the most.
Jeongguk's family fails to see that, and Jimin notices it all too well.
"Hyung... I did not have a good time", he whispers softly while they're returning from the charity ball that his mother had organized. His eyes look heavy, and he looks fragile when he hugs his shawl around himself.
Jeongguk grinds his jaw, piqued all of a sudden. He wouldn't put it past his family to express their disdain without a cause. "Did anyone say anything to you?"
"No... It's just that... I feel that... hyung's family doesn't like me very much."
Jeongguk's first instinct is to deny it, but he decides against it. The quicker Jimin accepts that there is no getting along with his side of the family, the easier it will be for the both of them.
"It doesn't matter. I don't like my family either."
Jimin gasps, like he has heard something scandalous. "Don't say that. They're your family. They raised you."
Jeongguk shrugs, eyes on the road ahead. "I don't care much for their opinion, and neither should you. That's all I am saying."
No words are exchanged during the rest of the car ride, but Jeongguk knows the topic is far from over.
"Is it okay if I hug hyung?" Jimin asks after they have washed up and are ready for bed.
Jeongguk takes a moment to regard the request, inhaling and exhaling as Jimin gazes at him in expectant silence, and as the confidence in his little husband's eyes begins to dwindle, he opens his arms.
Jimin jumps at the opportunity, settling in his embrace with his face buried in the crook of his neck and his ear pressed against his heart. He smells of fresh lime and vanilla scented lotion, his hair soft and fluffy, and Jeongguk doesn't notice when his eyes fall shut, doesn't remember the next morning that at the edge of dawn, he dreamt of building a family with Jimin.
A business trip takes Jeongguk abroad for a week, and when his car pulls up on the driveway after the trip is over, Jimin clings to him like a koala.
Their puppy who had followed him out the door, wags his tail and barks happily at the sun.
It's a windy day. Jimin's hair is one with the breeze, and the colour has been stolen from his cheeks.
"Had a good trip?" he asks, cupping his cheek. For some reason, his little husband has taken to fussing over Jeongguk like he isn't fifteen years his senior. "Business went well?"
"It was adequate", is Jeongguk's curt response, which causes the corners of Jimin's smile to droop down.
He probably expects to hear flowery words that lovers whisper to each other after reuniting, but sadly, Jeongguk has never been a lover. However, he does know how to make it up to him.
He grabs his ass with both his hands and picks him off the concrete. Jimin yelps in surprise, but is quick to wind his legs around his waist, connecting their lips together in a heated kiss.
Jeongguk carries him to bed, ignoring the scandalized gazes of their house staff, and only when he has Jimin underneath him does he realise how much he had longed to be one with his husband, how sorely he has missed his touch, and his gasps, and his laugh.
He makes love to him for hours that day, until Jimin is tired and sore, and as he rests beside him, Jeongguk wonders to himself, why can't he get enough of Jimin?
Jeongguk is in his home office on a sunday, dealing with yet another demand from Mayor Park, which is obviously not how he intended to spend the one quiet day he gets to himself. His patience is wearing thin, and his voice is strained from restricting himself from screaming at his father in law.
"Our deal was five billion, Park— only five fucking billion. I've given you ten times the amount with nothing absolutely fucking nothing from your end."
"Don't be like that, Jeongguk. Don't forget that we're family now—"
"Fuck family, and fuck you, you—"
A timid knock interrupts his conversation, and Jeongguk hangs up the phone, recognising the person behind the door even before the blonde head pokes inside through the slight opening.
"Is everything alright? You seem distressed", Jimin asks, a glass of hot coffee in hand and a furrow marring his brows.
Jeongguk looks away, in no mood to mollycoddle him today. "It doesn't concern you."
Jimin's face droops. Jeongguk pretends to not see it.
"Oh. I know that. I would still like to offer you a listening ear. It might make you feel better to talk to someone about it."
"I said I don't want to talk about it, Jimin!" Jeongguk snaps, his thin thread of patience finally breaking.
The cup of coffee drops from his hands and spills on the floor, staining the white tiles a dirty brown. Jimin's face is pale like ash as he shuts the door without another word.
𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬.
Jeongguk holds his head in his hands and lets out a frustrated scream.
His screen lights up with an incoming call from 'Mayor Park' and he swipes his finger to reject it. If this is Seojun Park's behavior before he has even won the election, Jeongguk can imagine what him coming into power would mean.
Suddenly, his mother's warning before the night of his wedding rings in his head, "You'll regret the decision of marrying him, son. That boy isn't cut out for the Jeon family. Your hard headedness will cost not only you, but also Jeon Corporations. It's not too late. Don't marry that boy."
The memory disturbs him even more than his conversation with Park.
He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself, then texts his accountant a memo to discuss further management. He needs to refocus and replan. But he needs to do something else first.
He sighs.
Jimin doesn't meet his eyes when he approaches him.
His legs are folded underneath him on the sofa, and the pink tips of his fingers are curled tightly into his thigh. Though the TV is running in the background, Jimin's eyes are vacant and unfocused.
"You cannot talk to me in that tone", Jimin says softly, but he doesn't raise his voice, he doesn't need to. Jeongguk has seen rocks less firm than his husband's current countenance.
Jeongguk nods in agreement, a silent apology. Jimin doesn't back down.
This time Jimin looks into his eyes as he speaks. "I know hyung was upset, but that doesn't mean you get to take it out on me. I won't have that."
Jeongguk nods. "You shouldn't have that. You deserve better than that, I know."
Jeongguk cannot bring himself to apologize. They're just three words, he wills his lips to formulate them but they don't comply. He doesn't even remember the last time he felt the need to apologize.
"It's okay", Jimin replies, accepting an apology that hasn't been offered in the first place, and cocks his head, eyes gentle. "Are you feeling better now?"
Jeongguk cannot name every emotion that he feels at the moment, but shame definitely tops the list.
He nods again, easing his back against the sofa, and Jimin leans into him, resting his head on the curve of his shoulder. He is warm, and soft, and feels like the gentle rays of sunshine on a rainy day.
Before Jeongguk even realizes what he is doing, he places a kiss on the top of his head.
Jimin gasps softly, hugging his arms around his waist until he is wrapped completely around him.
Jeongguk doesn't stop. He doesn't want to.
He slips his fingers underneath Jimin's palms, and lifts each hand one by one to press a kiss on his knuckles. He doesn't know what he precisely feels towards Jimin, just that Jimin is familiar, Jimin is his own.
Jeongguk kisses him— his lids, his cheeks, the top of his nose, the underside of his jaw, his lips.
He fucks Jimin slowly that night.
Jimin suckles on the head of his cock, and his hips buck off the seat, eyes rolling to the back of his head. Every inch of Jeongguk is on fire.
He intends to set Jimin just as much aflame.
He kisses every contour of his body, worships every hollow and every curve. He pushes his cock inside him inch by inch until he is a gasping, moaning mess underneath him, begging him to stop, then begging him for more.
"What do you want, baby?"
"You", Jimin says earnestly. "I love you", he adds, repeating it just because, "I love you so much, hyung."
"I will take care of you. No matter what."
There is unending trust in his husband's eyes. "I know you will."
Following that night, something unspoken forms between them.
They don't stray farther than a couple of inches when in each other's presence. Words become unnecessary for communication, and Jeongguk finds a different kind of peace at knowing how to exist in silence with his husband.
Some nights, he sleeps buried inside Jimin's heat, waking up already hard inside him, rutting against him and fucking him awake.
Some mornings, he wakes up with Jimin curled up on his chest, and he closes his eyes again to make the moment last longer.
Jimin falls sick the next week, and it is all Jeongguk's fault. The family physician confirms as much.
Jeongguk had fucked Jimin in their pool the previous night, continuing to pound into him underwater even after it had started pouring.
"Want to go inside, baby?" he had asked when he'd noticed gooseflesh rise on Jimin's skin.
"W-want you. Only you, hyung. N-nothing else", Jimin had babbled.
How could any sane man stop after that? Even Jeongguk has his limits.
And that is how Jeongguk finds himself in the precarious position to nurse Jimin through a fever, and since it is his fault, he spends the night wiping Jimin's forehead with a wet cloth.
Or at least, that is the reason he tells himself.
One day, Jeongguk pads into the living room after arriving unusually early from the office, and finds Jimin curled up on the settee with an old edition of a popular gossip magazine in his hand. 'Pg 153— Jeon Jeongguk is currently dating this model', it reads on the cover page.
"Why are you reading that?"
Jimin jumps in surprise, not having noticed his presence, and tosses the magazine on the table before throwing himself into his arms.
"Ah hyung, you're back", he says, delighted, and kisses him on the lips. "I missed you so much."
It's ridiculous — Jeongguk had only been gone for a couple of hours, but despite the obvious, he feels something weird bubble in his chest. He clears his throat.
"You didn't answer my question."
"Oh that? It's a magazine, and dare I say, it's very informative", Jimin teases. "Who could've guessed that you had a thousand exes before we got married?"
Here it comes— the inevitable, Jeongguk thinks.
Despite his numerous failed relationships being a topic of conversation with all his previous partners, it is something he is not used to. He would hate for Jimin to be jealous. He doesn't quite have the time to assuage unnecessary fears and insecurities, but before he can even make an attempt, Jimin continues.
"I only have one ex, and I cried for a month after our break up! I wonder how you handled so many."
"You had a boyfriend?" Jeongguk asks before he can stop himself. His world that had been on track until now feels slightly shifted from its usual trajectory.
"In college", Jimin replies casually as he sets two plates on the table, and presses a kiss on his cheek. Didn't he feel the world shift? "Should we eat?"
Jeongguk finds it difficult to swallow his food that night.
It shouldn't be a matter of shock that Jimin dated before they got married. It isn't unusual by any means. Then why does Jeongguk feel his insides burn? The thought of Jimin with anyone else consumes him.
Jimin notices him stabbing his pajeon, and places his hand on top of his in concern, brows furrowed and lips pursed into a little beak.
"What's wrong? You're barely eating, hyung."
"Nothing", he says, forcing a smile, before the realization hits him.
Shit.
In their relationship, Jimin isn't the jealous one.
He is.
There comes a day when Jeongguk steps out of his car after returning from a week long trip to Barcelona, and Jimin isn't there to welcome him on the driveway. He waits for him under the blistering noon sun, just in case Jimin had fallen asleep and hadn't heard him arrive, but no one shows up except for the puppy and the house staff.
Coming back after successfully closing a deal has never felt so unceremonious before.
He begins looking through the house after finding the bedroom empty, and that is when their housekeeper informs him about Jimin's absence.
He doesn't wait a moment before he dials for him.
Jimin answers immediately, and Jeongguk can hear his pout through the phonecall. "Are you back home, hyung? I came to meet eomma and appa. I didn't know what to do with myself after you were gone. The estate is too big for one person."
"Should I send a car to pick you up?" he asks, and gestures his driver to get going without waiting for an answer.
"No, hyung", Jimin answers surprisingly. "A tornado warning has been issued here in the countryside. I won't be able to come back until tomorrow morning."
Jeongguk peeks outside to see a bunch of dense turbulent clouds float over the previously clear sky, as if on cue.
"Hyung... will you be alright by yourself for the whole night?" Jimin asks in genuine concern, and Jeongguk is stumped for an answer. "Please take care of yourself. I love you. Always."
"You take care too. I will call you at night", Jeongguk manages to say. One day, he needs to sit Jimin down and explain to him that he is the hyung.
There is a sweet sigh on the other side. "I will wait for your call, hyung."
Maybe, the bitterly vehement winds from the storm are the reason why the bed feels a little colder that night.
Failing to sleep, Jeongguk switches on the TV, finding a rerun of 'Miserable Mrs Choi' playing on the channel, and it keeps him up till dawn.
He doesn't notice when he finally falls asleep.
"Book two flight tickets for Tokyo instead of one next week. I've emailed you the identification details."
"You're going to take Jimin-ssi along for a business trip?" Taehyung asks as he looks up the email on his phone, and it isn't surprise that he hears in his voice.
It is humor.
Jeongguk is annoyed to no end.
"Is there a problem?" he snaps.
"Not at all!" Taehyung replies immediately, not even making the barest effort to school his features.
"That will be all for now. You can leave, Mr Kim", Jeongguk announces abruptly, pretending to busy himself in filework.
The reason behind his actions when it comes to Jimin alludes even his own self. Jeongguk doubts he can ever make sense of it.
Night has fallen by the time Jimin returns to the Jeon estate, and the air around him is charged with gloom.
Jeongguk takes him into his arms, but Jimin is stiff, and when he doesn't return his kiss, Jeongguk studies him, puzzled. Is this nervousness he feels— he doesn't know. He isn't familiar with the emotion, but he sure as hell knows something is wrong.
"Your trip went well?" Jeongguk asks, finding himself in his little husband's shoes for once.
"I have something I want to ask you", Jimin says instead, his eyes glassy. He stands at the threshold of their bedroom, as if refusing to set foot inside. "Promise me you will tell me the truth."
Jeongguk doesn't know what it is, but he is sure it has everything to do with Seojun Park.
Jeongguk nods, and when Jimin breathes, it comes out as a single, stuttered exhale. He notices the tears lining his lashes, and the hoarseness of his voice like a lump of sadness is lodged in his throat.
Jimin opens and closes his mouth, like it is difficult for him to get the words out. He shakes himself out of it. Jeongguk wants to hold him so bad. He has the visceral urge to cocoon Jimin in his arms and protect him from any suffering life intends for him.
"You didn't want to marry me, hyung?" Jimin finally asks, and Jeongguk feels blood curdle in his veins, limbs going numb.
Until now Jeongguk had thought 'fuck Seojun Park and whatever lies he has managed to feed Jimin' but that is the problem, isn't it? Seojun Park hasn't lied to Jimin. He has only shed light on the truth.
"It isn't like that", he explains, shaking his head. "There are several aspects of this deal about which you're unaware."
Jimin's irises dart to and fro, a realization settling upon them. He nibbles on his lips, pensively contemplating something, and his gaze is fixed on some obsolete spot on the floor. He looks like he is fighting back tears.
"Is that what our marriage is to you?" he pauses. "A deal?"
Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut, cursing at himself. He has credited himself all his life for expressing his thoughts eloquently, yet the one moment he needed it the most, words seem to have abandoned him.
"It isn't, Jimin. It may have started as an exchange of favors for my company and your appa's party, but it hasn't been so for a long time", he says. "I didn't want to marry you at first, but I wouldn't still be married to you if I truly didn't want it."
No emotions seep into his voice, because that is the only way Jeongguk knows how to speak. He has always kept his emotions under check, prided himself on it, and now his heart refuses to reveal itself, even to him.
Jimin glances up at him, and Jeongguk can see the disappointment in his eyes— it is radiating off of his person in beams. It makes Jeongguk want to be a better man, but he has the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that it is too late for that. They've had disagreements before in the past, but Jimin has always taken it in stride, however Jeongguk would be a fool to assume it'd be the same this time.
To Jeongguk, this begins to take the shape of a problem they will never get past. He clenches his fists, unclenches them. He simply cannot have it this way.
"I am sorry", he reflexively murmurs, "I am really sorry, Jimin."
Irony is a bitch— today is the first instance in forever in which Jeongguk has managed to apologize, with sincerity no less, and his apology isn't even remotely enough.
Jimin is quiet, too quiet, and Jeongguk cannot read his face under the oblique rays of light that cast tense shadows on his face, but for the first time tonight, he notes how the pads beneath his eyes are swollen.
The realization that Jimin has been crying drives through his heart like an arrow.
Jimin sniffles, and Jeongguk doesn't think before he hugs him. He wraps his arms around his middle, and holds him close to himself, chest pressed against chest, heart pressed against heart. It feels like he is holding a thousand pieces of Jimin in his arms.
"Do you resent me for the money you lost? Do you look at me, and think about the money I've cost you? Am I a deal gone sour?" Jimin sobs, and it breaks his heart into two.
"Not one bit", he says firmly, and Jimin draws away from him.
"Will you ever love me?" he asks next, his lower lip quivering as he braces himself for the answer, and Jeongguk goes still.
He knows what he should answer, knows that a single word of affirmation would dispel Jimin's fears about their future, but how can he say something that he himself does not know the answer to. He stands there in silence, painful and cowardly.
Jimin gulps, interpreting his lack of a response, and looks away. Tears that he had managed to keep at bay until now trickle down his eyes.
"I read in the magazine that you were in a relationship with a model from Paris, and that edition was published the same month of our wedding."
Jeongguk's eyes widen, and his heart lurches to his throat at the accusation, vehement denial bitter on his tongue. "I have 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 cheated on you, if that is what you're implying—"
"I know", Jimin rushes to put a stop to him. "I know... I just want to ask why did you break up?"
Jeongguk lifts his shoulder in a half shrug, confused as to why this is relevant, but feeling obliged to answer him anyway. He feels like he owes Jimin the world and a piece of the moon if ever he asks for it.
"I had to break up 'cause I was supposed to marry you", he answers simply, not bothering to expand because it is the truth, and that is all there is to it.
He doesn't understand why Jimin looks let down by it.
"Did you love him— your ex?" he asks reluctantly.
"We were compatible", he says without a thought, and notices Jimin wince at his answer, which makes him amend his statement, "but I didn't love him, no."
Jeongguk had assumed that this is what Jimin would want to hear, but from the crestfallen look on Jimin's face, it clearly wasn't. Jeongguk panics, not knowing what he is doing wrong. He wants to 𝘧𝘪𝘹 this, make everything alright.
Jimin cocks his head. "Hyung, have you 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 been in love?"
Jeongguk has felt a lot of things for a lot of people. Could it be called love? He finds himself inept to answer it. He poses the question to Jimin.
"What would you define love as?"
He expects a fanciful response— his husband is a romantic after all, but today, there aren't any stars in his husband's eyes, there is only sadness.
"If I have to define it for you, it probably wasn't love", he replies vacantly. "Love consumes you. If you loved someone, you would know it. 𝘊𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘭𝘺."
It befuddles Jeongguk, leaves him stranded. 'How do you know what it is to love so well?' he thinks. He doesn't want to entertain the possibility of Jimin being in love with someone else even if it was in the past. He likes owning the whole of Jimin's heart, like he does now, like he wants to do forever.
Jeongguk is ravenous with fear. Jimin was probably his only chance to experience love in this lifetime, and now he can feel it slip out of his fingers.
"I think about you a lot", he says, the words dropping from his mouth as if summoned by an external force.
"Oh", Jimin gasps quietly, surprised by his sudden admission. "What do you think?"
He shrugs, not knowing why he confessed to that thought in the first place.
"Just insignificant things."
"Like what, hyung?" Jimin asks, with endless patience, and his voice alone touches Jeongguk in depths he didn't know he had. It makes Jeongguk want to move the world aside to accommodate his every need.
He feels something indescribable and overwhelming, something that gets difficult to contain in the confines of his body.
"Like what do you do when I'm not home?", he begins. "I want to know about your day... like what is running inside your mind when you bite your bottom lip and narrow your eyes at me everytime we argue? Sometimes, I find myself wondering about what Mrs Choi's third husband did in that drama you're always watching in order for you to hate him so much."
Jimin stares at him, mum. Jeongguk realizes that he should cut himself off before he begins to sound like an obsessed lunatic, but it is as if he has no control over himself, and the words bubble forth, tired of being held inside for so long.
"Do you remember the night when I was in Tokyo? I called you at 1 AM, and you didn't pick up cause you were already asleep?"
Jimin nods his head, hanging on to his every word. His eyes shine with tears, and Jeongguk really doesn't want to make him cry again, but he also really wants to tell him what he feels, even if it's inconsequential.
"I didn't catch a wink of sleep that night—the first few hours 'cause I missed hearing your voice, and the rest of the night because I kept wondering why it is that I can't fall asleep without you by my side."
Jimin gasps, wide-eyed.
"I also want to tell you about my day, even though it's mostly business that I know will bore you", Jeongguk continues. "The thought of losing you scares me, and I cannot imagine not waking up to your face every morning. When I see something interesting, the first thought that comes to my mind is that I want to show it to you, cause I know it will make you smile. Like I told you earlier, Jimin— it's nothing significant."
Jimin blinks at him, his eyes tearing up, and before Jeongguk can ask him the reason behind it, he races to join their lips together. Jeongguk tastes salt on his tongue, and a wave of panic surges in his heart as he holds a sobbing Jimin in his arms.
"Oh my god, hyung", Jimin sobs, peppering kisses all over his face, and Jeongguk stills.
Jimin is red nosed and teary eyed all over again. Under any other circumstance, it would have crushed him, but he sees something else this time— wonder.
"You're in love with me", Jimin announces, like he doesn't believe his own words. "How have you not realized it?"
Jeongguk gapes at him in shock.
"You're in love with me, hyung. You love me", he repeats, and slowly the words register inside his head.
Is this what it feels like to be in love?
"I love you?" he asks, with his stomach in knots, and Jimin throws his arms around his neck, nodding in glee. His chest rises and falls with rapid breaths, and his heart pounds like a drum. The realization of his love amplifies the fear of losing Jimin by a thousand folds, and dread rears up within him. He gulps.
"Will you ever be able to forgive me?"
Jimin tilts his head fondly, furrowing his brows.
"I forgave you even before I came here", he says, planting a kiss square on his lips, and tearfully teases, "I love you too much for my own good. Don't break my heart, hyung."
"You have my own as security", Jeongguk says, lifting him up in his arms, bathed in Jimin's light and love and laughter, and whispers, "Please don't leave me."
"I won't", Jimin promises, cupping his cheek.
Being in love, Jeongguk realises, is like diving headfirst from a cliff, and Jimin did it without the safety net of reciprocation. It's dangerous, and scary, and only a fool would hand themself completely over to someone else for safekeeping despite knowing that they might be broken into fragments and never turn whole.
But is anyone whole without love?
Maybe it's bravery that makes one choose the risk of being broken over the comfort of being incomplete, and as Jeongguk looks at Jimin again, like he is seeing him anew, love glows inside him, as if his soul has been flooded by sunshine, and Jeongguk doesn't think he has met anyone braver than his little husband.
Jeongguk has always respected strength, and his little husband shows his new aspects of it everyday.
They renew their vows on their anniversary in the same church where they had gotten married, and no one is invited, not even their family.
Jeongguk says his vows loudly, and it reverberates through the arched columns and stained glass of the church. He has been piecing it together for months, and it reflects the pride he feels at being married to Jimin. Everyone, whether in existence or not, should know that Jimin belongs to him.
Jimin sobs in the middle of his vows, and Jeongguk has to kiss his tears away in order for him to continue.
When Jimin says his vows, only Jeongguk can hear it, exactly the way it should be— the words are soft and personal, meant only for him. Jimin stakes his claim on him through a hushed whisper and a downward glance, he doesn't even need to raise his voice to do it.
Their differences are apparent, and Jeongguk has left dwelling over them a long time ago but he knows this much: Jeongguk is formidable steel— he doesn't know how to give a single inch without a scar to show for it, but Jimin is fluid— he takes the form and shape of the company he is in at the cost of modifying his own well being.
Jeongguk splinters, Jimin molds.
Jeongguk breaks, Jimin bends.
And can something that can never be broken ever be called weak?