Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hijikata Toushirou was just 16 years old and he was very hungry and tired. The last few years have been harsh to say the least. Since he left the Hijikata residence, he has been wandering around looking for a place to stay. His older brother, Tamegoro, has been sending him money from time to time, but since the accident, there was not much he could do and Toshirou did not want to keep bothering him. The money was barely enough to eat once in a while.

He has been lucky that an old lady took pity on him and allowed him to stay at her place as long as he helped around with the house chores. However, she had recently passed and her oldest son threw him out of the house as soon as her body hit the ground. So now he was back on the streets, no place to stay or enough money to buy food. 

As he walked aimlessly at the outskirts of the city, he stumbled upon a terrifying view. Corpses everywhere, both Amanto and human. Toshirou had heard of the war, of course he had, but it had never been something he could see with his own eyes. The war has always been something so distant, almost like it was not real. But here it was, the proof of the carnage it left.

His stomach grumbled and in a moment of desperation, he decided to go look for anything he could eat or exchange for money among the sea of corpses. He apologized to each corpse before taking what they left that he could use. So far, he has only found a few coins and some nuts. He was about to go back to the city when something caught his eye. 

A shiny sword. 

So far Toshirou has only stumbled upon broken or cracked swords, but this one looked brand new. He has never touched a sword before, but he is sure he could exchange it for good money back at the city. With the money he would get from this he will be able to eat for a while. Maybe even find somewhere warm to sleep.

He was about to turn back, happy with his findings, when he heard a voice that made him stop in his tracks. “Where do you think you’re taking that?” 

For a moment, Toshirou was too afraid to look, believing that the ghost of the dead samurai came back to haunt him for taking his sword.

“Oi! I’m talking to you!” The voice said again sounding very annoyed. 

Not able to open his eyes in fear, he turned in the direction of the voice, holding the sword tightly in his hands. “I’m sorry, Ghost-san. I just-”

“ Ghost ?!” He was interrupted by the voice that now sounded a little panicked. “There are no ghosts here. Right ?!”

Toshirou opened his eyes and saw a boy around his age. He had silver hair and maroon eyes and was wearing a white samurai uniform. “You’re not a ghost.” He said, relieved.

“What? Of course I’m not!” The boy said angrily. “Anyway. Where are you taking that?” He asked, pointing to the sword. 

Toshirou looked at it for a moment before looking back at the boy. “I was just going to exchange it for money to eat.” He said.

This made the boy look more annoyed. “And what gives you the right? At times like this we need all the spare swords we can get. That’s why I’m here, to see if any of them left a sword that we can use. I can't let you take that.” He said. 

“What? No, I found it first. It’s mine!” Toshirou said, holding the sword tighter. 

“No, that sword belongs to a samurai and you clearly are just a kid.” The boy said with a sneer.

Toshirou felt his anger rising. “Who are you calling a kid?! We look the same age!” He yelled.

The boy snorted. “How old are you? 10?”

“I’m 16!” He glared. 

“Well, I’m 17!” The boy stuck out his tongue at Toshirou.

Toshirou resisted the urge to stick out his tongue too. “Well, you’re even more childish than I am!” 

“I’m not! I have already fought in a war! What have you done?!” The boy said.

Toshirou’s frown deepened. “A have killed 3 men before.” He said, not really liking remembering that day.

This seemed to surprise the boy. “You have? Why?” He asked. 

“They hurt my brother…” Was all he could say as he looked away. “And now I have nowhere to go or anything to eat. This could buy me at least a month worth of food.” He looked at the sword. 

The boy stared at him for a couple of seconds and sighed. “Fine. Take it…” The boy mumbled. 

Toshirou looked at him in surprise. “Really?! I can?!” 

“Yeah, yeah. Now go before I change my mind.” The boy grumbled out waving at him to go away.

Toshirou bowed. “Thank you!” He ran back to the city, leaving the silver haired boy behind. 

Not much later, however, he was ambushed by a lot of bandits. 

“Hey, there, little kid.” One of them, who seemed to be the leader, said. “Why don’t you give us that shiny sword and we can let you go alive?”

Toshirou held it tighter. “No, it’s mine. You can fight me for it.” He said stupidly, because he knew he would not be able to fight against so many of them since he has never used a sword before. 

“You hear that boys? He wants a fight!” They all laughed. 

Toshirou drew the sword and tried to stand in a defensive position, sword unstable on his hands. 

The laughing abruptly stopped as a pained groan was heard at the back of the group. And then another, and another. Toshirou was amazed as each bandit fell after the other too fast for him to comprehend. As soon as they realized they were under attack, all of the remaining bandits went to charge all together to the white figure responsible for the attacks. Toshirou gasped when he recognized the figure. It was the same boy he had seen before.

The boy moved flawlessly between the bandits as he defeated one after the other. He just watched silently, never having seen anything as incredible as this. Soon after, the boy and Toshirou were the only ones standing.

“Oi! I leave only for 5 minutes and you manage to get yourself in trouble!” He snapped at Toshirou.

Toshirou blushed, ashamed at being the damsel in distress. “I’m sorry…” he said, looking away. “They came out of nowhere…”

“Yeah, that’s what bandits usually do.” The boy rolled his eyes. 

“That thing you did there…” Toshirou said, looking at all the bodies. “It was amazing! I never expected you to be so good with a sword!”

The boy shrugged. “Been training for years. I also have been part of the war for a while.” He mumbled, but looked a little bashful at the compliment. 

“Can you teach me?!” Toshirou asked, getting closer to the boy.

The boy backed away. “No way! Why should I?!”

“Please! You’re the best samurai I’ve ever seen and I just realized I need to learn to defend myself better if I have to continue living in the streets.” He explained. 

The boy looked pained for a moment and Toshirou feared he was going to refuse, but he sighed and nodded. “Fine. On one condition.” He said.

“What?”

“You’re doing everything I ask you to. Including some chores.” He said. 

Toshirou was not too happy with this, but nodded. “Fine. I will. But you better teach me.”

“Okay, let’s go back to the camp.” He turned around letting Toshirou follow him. 

“What’s your name, anyway?” Toshirou asked, walking beside the boy.

“Sakata Gintoki, but you can call me Master.” He smirked at him as Toshirou sneered, but ignored him. 

“I’m Hijikata Toshirou, by the way.” He said. 

“Right, Toshi.” Gintoki said. 

“Don’t call me that.” Toshirou glared. “Only Tamegoro can call me that.”

“Who’s that? Your boyfriend?” Gintoki teased.

Toshirou made a disgusted face. “He’s my brother, you idiot.”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I don’t care if you have a boyfriend.” He said. 

“Why would you care?” Toshirou raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t! That's why I said that!” He stuck his tongue at him. 

“Well, then why did you ask if Tamegoro was?” He stuck his tongue too this time. 

“Because you seemed so happy when you mentioned him.” Gintoki said before sticking his tongue out again. 

“That’s because I love my brother. He’s the best!” He stuck his tongue out again too.

“What? Do you have a brother complex?” He said, tongue out again.

“No! He’s just the best brother in the world!” Toshirou yelled, tongue out again.

“If he is so great then why are you living on the streets instead of with him?” He got his tongue out again. This time Toshirou did not answer and just looked away, angry and sad. “Oi, what’s up with you?”

“My brother defended me and was blinded by bad people. He is not able to take care of me anymore and I don’t want to be a burden for him.” He explained. 

“Oh…” Gintoki said. “I’m sorry.”

“Shut up.” Toshirou glared. 

Gintoki did shut up and the silence became awkward. After a while walking in silence, Gintoki turned to him. “I’m sorry, okay? I should have not said that about you and your brother. I didn’t know.” He said.

Toshirou sighed. “Whatever, just don’t say anything about Tamegoro again.” He said and continued walking. 

“I won’t! So are we good now?” He asked. 

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Yeah, don’t worry. Why do you even care if we are? I’m just your student for a while. We don’t need to be friends.” He said.

“But we could be friends!” This surprised Toshirou and made him look at Gintoki again. “It will make this whole teaching thing easier.” He said with a blush.

“I guess…” He sighed. 

“So… friends?” He asked, extending a hand to shake. 

Toshirou nodded and took his hand. “Friends.”

“Great! Let’s continue. We’re still a couple of hours away from the camp.” Gintoki said. 

Gintoki was not completely sure what came over him when he let the kid go with the sword. He had been sent here specifically to get back any weapons they could use, but he just let that kid go with the only salvageable sword on the place. If he was honest, he saw a little of himself in him. When he was just a little kid he also robbed multiple corpses of their things in order to survive. 

Why he decided to follow him after that and then save him from bandits, he was also not sure. Maybe he just wanted to make sure the kid would be safe out there and managed to exchange the sword for money. 

He was even more surprised with himself when he actually agreed to teach the boy how to use a sword. He has never done that before. Many people have asked him before and he always refused no matter what they offered. He didn’t even teach Takasugi and Katsura when he met them. Why did he agree now?

There was just something on the kid’s face that made him agree, but he could not put his finger on what exactly. He just felt compelled to agree. 

He was also not sure why he felt the sudden need to punch something when Toushirou mentioned Tamegoro as his eyes sparkled. Just like how he didn’t know why he wanted to apologize to him as soon as he saw him getting sad after Gintoki asked him about where his beloved brother was now. He was not planning on becoming friends with him either, but it had just come out. He wanted to be closer to this boy that intrigued him so much.

“So…” Gintoki said after a while of walking in silence. “How did you end up in a war zone, anyway?” He asked.

Toshirou sighed. “I guess it started that day those bandits hurt Tamegoro.” He said. “After I killed them none of the other Hijikatas wanted me there and with Tamegoro injured he was not able to stop them when they threw me out.”

“That’s horrible. Even after you did it to save your brother.” Gintoki said sympathetically. “How old were you?”

“12.” Toshirou answered.

“Just 12? So you have been living on the streets since then?” He asked, amazed. 

Toshirou shook his head. “No, I lived with a nice old lady for a while. She let me stay with her as long as I helped around the house but she died last month and her son threw me out again.” 

Gintoki winced. “You seem to have the worst luck in the world.” 

Toshirou shrugged. “Not really. I was lucky that Tamegoro let me stay at the Hijikata residence after Mom died and I was lucky that Oba-san let me stay with her after they threw me out.” He said. “I own them both so much I wish I could have helped them more.” He sighed.

Not sure what to say, he put a hand on his shoulder as he tried to think of something. “Hey, it’s not your job to take care of the adults. Adults are supposed to take care of kids, aren’t they? That’s why you’re under my care now.” Gintoki grinned. 

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Aren’t you just a year older than me?”

“Still older.” He said. “If it makes you feel better, I had a similar experience.”

“You did?” Toshirou raised his eyebrow.

Gintoki nodded. “I don’t really remember much from when I was younger, but when I was around 8 years old a man found me scavenging for food and took me in. He later taught me all I know.” He rarely talks about Shouyou and his past, but he felt like he could tell him. “He was taken at the beginning of the war and my friends and I have been trying to save him since.”

“He must have been a great man if you’re willing to go to war for him.” Toshirou said.

“He is. I own him so much.” He said smiling sadly as he remembered him. “He also taught me to use a sword.”

Toshirou’s eyes sparkled. “Wow, then he must be a great teacher. I saw you fighting those bandits, it was impressive. I want to be as good as you someday.” Toshirou said, holding the sword tighter to himself. “Then I can finally protect the people I love.” Gintoki couldn’t help it, he patted the boy’s head. “Oi!”

“You’re so adorable!” He laughed at the embarrassed face of the other boy.

“Shut up!”

A while later, they both arrived at the camp. 

“Gintoki! Where have you been? You took longer than expected.” Zura’s voice said.

Gintoki sighed annoyed at Zura interrupting his talk with Toshirou. “Zura, you knew I was looking for weapons in the next town.”

“So, did you find any?” He asked. 

“...no.”

Just then, Zura noticed the boy beside him. “Umm… and who are you?”

“Hijikata Toshirou.” Toshirou said, inclining his head politely. 

Zura looked at him weird. “Gintoki, why did you bring a kid to the camp?”

“I’m 16!” Toshirou said, irritated. 

“He’s my new apprentice.” Gintoki said, putting a hand on Toshirou’s shoulder. “From now on, he is under my care. I will teach him everything I know.”

This seemed to surprise Zura even more. “Really? You have never been the teacher type.”

“Well, I am now.” He glared at him before turning to Toshirou. “This idiot here is Zura.”

“Zura yanai, Katsura da.” Zura said his usual catchphrase. 

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “But you can call him Zura. Everyone calls him that.”

Zura glared at him. “That’s not true.” Zura turned to Toshirou. “Katsura Kotarou.” He offered his hand.

Toshirou shook his hand. “A pleasure to meet you, Katsura-san.” He said politely. 

“Oh, someone with manners!” Zura smiled ecstatic, shaking his hand more enthusiastically. “We need more of that here.”

Gintoki frowned. “Oi! I’m your teacher. Don’t go licking someone else’s boots.” He exclaimed, annoyed. “The only boots you can lick are mine!”

Toshirou looked at him in disgust as Zura shook his head in disapproval. “I will not lick your boots, that’s gross.” Toshirou mumbled with disgust. 

“Gintoki. I have told you to refrain from sharing your sexual preferences in front of others.” Zura said, disappointment clear in his voice. 

Gintoki blushed fiercely as Toshirou’s face turned more disgusted. “Shut up, Zura! I didn't mean it like that!”

“Whatever you say, Gintoki. Just don’t involve me in any of it.” Zura said before turning to Toshirou. “A pleasure to meet you, Hijikata-san. I hope your stay here is pleasant.”

“You don’t need to be so formal with me. Just Toshirou is fine.” Said the blushing boy. “And thank you, Katsura-san.”

Irritated, Gintoki took the boy’s arm and dragged him away from Zura. “C’mon. I’ll show you where you will be staying.” He said. 

“Oi! I was talking with Katsura-san!” Toshirou complained. 

“Forget about him.” Gintoki growled. “You’re my apprentice, not his!” Toshirou glared at him, but followed him. Gintoki reached his tent and showed him the inside. “This is where you will sleep.”

Toshirou looked around, noticing the mess. “This looks already occupied.” He muttered.

“Of course it’s occupied. I also live here.” Gintoki said.

Toshirou looked at him warily. “Are we sharing a tent?” He asked. “Why?”

Gintoki shrugged. “I have enough space for one more.” He had one of the biggest tents in the camp along with Zura, Takasugi and Sakamoto. “It’s this or staying in the other tents with 10 or more men.” He added. 

Toshirou didn't look particularly pleased by that either. “Fine. As long as you don’t do any of your weird ‘ sexual preferences ’ Katsura-san mentioned. At least not while I’m here.” 

Gintoki blushed. “I don’t have ‘ weird sexual preferences ’!” He yelled. “And stop listening to Zura, he’s an idiot. You can’t trut him.”

Toshirou shrugged. “Fine, if you say so. Just don’t involve me in them.” He said.

Gintoki wanted to keep arguing more, but stopped himself. “Whatever.” He muttered angrily.

“Anyway. This place is a complete mess. Do you really live like this?” Toshirou asked, looking at the mess in the tent again. There were clothes thrown haphazardly all over the place and old food half eaten on the table rotting away. The bed was unmade and the table was filled with multiple documents and maps in a disorganized way. “You need to clean this place once in a while.”

Gintoki smiled maliciously. “That, Toshirou-chan, is now your job.”

Toshirou glared at him. “Don’t call me that! And what do you mean it’s my job. I don’t have to go around cleaning your mess.”

“Oh, but you do.” Gintoki smirked maliciously. “You already agreed on it, remember?” He asked while Toshirou kept glaring at him. “You agreed to listen to everything I tell you and do some chores as long as I teach you how to fight.” 

He could see the moment the boy remembered because he got paler. Toshirou looked around the room again. “Do I really have to clean all of this?” He asked with a bleak expression. 

“If you want to learn to fight.” Gintoki smirked. “It’s a good thing that you’re here. Zura has been pestering me into cleaning up this place. With how much you like him you can make him happy with this.” He said with a wry smile.

Toshirou glared at him. “Are you really mad at me for being nice to other people?” He asked angrily. 

Gintoki snorted, turning around to hide his blush for being called out. “Of course not. You agreed to clean this place so I’m holding you to that promise.” He shrugged. “You can leave if you want.” He didn’t want him to go. “If you’re too afraid to clean this mess.” He taunted him, hoping the boy wouldn’t actually leave.

“I’m not scared! Fine! I will clean your stupid mess! But you better teach me the best moves you know!” Toshirou yelled angrily and started gathering the clothes on the floor.

Gintoki sighed, relieved the boy didn't actually decide to leave. “You do that. I have things to do. We can start your classes tomorrow.” He said leaving the tent.

Chapter Text

If he was honest, Toshirou was already starting to regret this decision. When he agreed to follow Gintoki’s orders he had not expected to be treated like an unpaid maid. He had quickly discovered how much of a lazy ass he was, never picking up after himself. To make matter’s worse, it was really uncomfortable to sleep in the same tent as him. Gintoki snores, though thankfully not too loud. But his sleeping schedule is a complete mess, waking more often than not after noon and sleeping until well after midnight to go ‘hang out’ with his fellow samurais. 

And the asshole has not even taught him anything yet. Every single time Toshirou had asked when his lessons would start he was always met with the same answer. 

“Huh?” Gintoki said, picking his nose like the disgusting idiot he is. “It has already started, Ponytail-kun.” Again with that same stupid nickname. “Cleaning my tent is the first step into becoming the strongest samurai in the country.”

Toshirou felt something in him finally snap. “Agh, I’m sick of this!” He shouted, throwing to the floor the broom he has practically glued to his hand by now since he has not stopped using it to clean after this asshole. “If you’re not going to teach me anything useful, then I’m leaving!” He pointed a finger at Gintoki. “See if anyone else is willing to be your stupid slave, I’m going to go find someone else to teach me.” He said though he was not sure of who. Katsura was often too busy with strategy meetings and the rest of the soldiers in the camp were often busy with other jobs. Gintoki was the only one here who was too important and too lazy to actually do anything outside of battle. 

He stomped out of the tent bristling. He was not sure where to go from there, but he sure as hell wasn’t about to let Gintoki keep taking advantage of him. However, before he could even make it 2 steps outside the tent, Gintoki’s hand held his shoulder, stopping him from leaving. “Wait! I’m sorry.” He said. 

Toshirou slapped his hand away. “Shut up. I no longer want to hear it.” He growled. 

He began leaving again, but once again he was not able to make it very far because an unfamiliar voice interrupted him. “And who may you be and how did you manage to make Gintoki say sorry?” A voice in front of him said. 

Toshirou gulped, sensing the hidden threat in his voice as he raised his eyes to look at a boy not much older than him with dark hair. His green eyes were glaring at him while he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for Toshirou to answer. He was not sure how he knew it, but he felt like this boy was not someone to mess with. 

Toshirou inclined his head politely. “I’m Hijikata Toshirou.” He said. 

“What are you doing here? Can’t you see we’re busy?” Gintoki asked, now standing closer to Toshirou’s back. “Weren’t you supposed to be on the other side of the country?”

“I just returned, idiot. Now tell me why there is a kid in here.” The other boy demanded. Toshirou stopped himself from mentioning he was just one year younger than Gintoki. 

“He’s 16.” Gintoki surprisingly defended him. 

“So a kid.” The boy rolled his eyes. “Though he’s at least younger than you, Gintoki.” He snorted. 

“Oi! You’re only like 2 months older than me!” Gintoki shouted. 

Toshirou couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped from him. At least the idiot got some of his own medicine to bite him in the ass. However, his chuckle didn’t go unnoticed by the older boy who went back to stare at him, gaze still untrustworthy. “You still haven’t told me why you have a kid in here.” He continued. “You’re not doing anything weird to him are you?” The boy raised an eyebrow at Gintoki. 

“Oi! Can anyone stop making me sound like a complete degenerate?!” Gintoki exclaimed just as Toshirou took another step away from him.

“So? What’s he doing here?” 

Gintoki huffed. “If you have to know. Toshirou is here to be my apprentice.” He said as he laid an arm around Toshirou’s shoulders making him frown. “He asked me to teach him all about being a samurai after he was amazed by my incredible sword fighting skills.” Gintoki said smugly. 

Toshirou elbowed him in the ribs, remembering his anger. “I’m no longer your stupid apprentice.” He growled. “All you make me do is clean after your lazy self and never actually teach me anything. I’m sick of you.”

Gintoki frowned. “Didn’t you want to learn from the best? Who else could be a better teacher than myself?” Toshirou was about to open his mouth when Gintoki continued. “And don’t say Zura. He’s too busy to deal with you.” Toshirou snapped his mouth closed and glared at the idiot perm head. 

The other older boy’s eyes widened. “You took an aprrentice?” There was actual surprise in his voice. “ You ?”

Gintoki turned to glare at him. “Yeah, what about it?” He huffed. 

The boy who Toshirou still didn’t know his name, smirked. “It’s just that I never expected you to be the teacher type, Gintoki.” He chuckled. “Though, it seems you’re not actually a good teacher if your student is tired of you before you even start your lessons.”

Gintoki gritted his teeth. “As if you could be anything better.”

The boy's smirk widened. “I could and I will.” He turned to look at Toshirou with a wide grin. “How about it? I can be your teacher instead of this idiot.”

Toshirou turned to stare at Gintoki briefly who was wildly shaking his head. “Sure, why not.” He shrugged. “You can’t be worse than him.”

“Wait!”

“Excellent!” The boy smirked. “I’m Takasugi Shinsuke, by the way. A pleasure to meet you, Hijikata-kun.” He put his arm around his shoulders pulling him away from Gintoki’s side. “We’re going to have so much fun together.”

Toshirou smiled. “As long as you actually teach me to fight then you can’t be worse than him.” He glared at Gintoki. “Thank you, Takasugi-san, for taking me in.” He nodded at the older boy.

Takasugi grinned. “I can see it now, you’re adorable.” He said, making Toshirou turn bright red.

There was a deep growl at his back. “Ah, I-” Toshirou stammered at being called adorable. 

“Let’s go.” Takasugi said, pulling him with him. 

However, before they could take a single step, Toshirou felt an arm wrap around him and pulled him away from Takasugi. Before he could even react, Gintoki’s arms wrapped themselves around Toshirou’s body, not allowing him to leave. “I said that he’s my apprentice.” Gintoki growled next to his ear, making Toshirou shiver. 

Takasugi raised an eyebrow as he stared at this. “He seemed intent on leaving you. Why do you insist on keeping him?”

“Because-” Gintoki paused, trying to come up with something. “Because I made a promise and now I intend to keep it.”

Toshirou regained himself and started squirming in the other’s embrace. “You weren’t keeping it anyway. You have not actually taught me anything yet.” He growled. 

“I will! I promise I will start teaching you tomorrow. As soon as the sun rises.” Ginotki said, holding him tighter into his arms.

Takasugi kept watching all of this with amusement clear in his face. “Fine. You can keep him.” He said before turning to Toshirou wih a smirk. “But if this idiot turns out to be as bad a teacher as I know he will be then you can come with me. I will be glad to teach you all I know. I’m better than this asshole here.”

“You’re not!” Gintoki shouted. “And don’t worry, Toshirou will never leave my side because he will see just how amazing I am as a teacher.” He declared. “Now leave! I don’t want to keep looking at your stupid face!”

Takasugi chuckled. “We will see about that.” He said. “Night, Hijijkata-kun.” He sent him one last knowing smile before turning around. 

Once the bastard left, Gintoki felt like he could breathe better. He was not sure why he was so determined in being the one to teach Toshirou, but he wasn’t about to let Takasugi take him away. 

Toshirou then punched him in his ribs with his elbow, making Gintoki lose his breath and let go of the younger boy. “You’re an asshole.” He growled once he was several steps away from him. “I was finally going to learn something.”

Gintoki rubbed his side and pouted. “And I will teach you, Toshi-kun.”

“Don’t call me Toshi!” Toshirou yelled. 

Gintoki glared back. “I bet you would let Takasugi call you Toshi, won’t you?” He sneered. “You were suddenly so willing to leave me and go after him, weren’t you?”

Toshirou’s glare deepened. “That’s because you’re a lousy teacher. You just treat me like a servant instead of teaching me anything. He at least seemed willing to teach me something.”

Gintoki huffed. “You’re an idiot if you think that asshole would actually teach you anything useful.” He crossed his arms over his chest. 

“At least he would be teaching me something!”

“I already promised I would start teaching you tomorrow! You don’t have to keep whining about it.” Gintoki felt the annoyance rising. 

“Then you better hold up to that promise!” Toshirou shouted. 

“I will!” He shouted back.

“If you don’t then I’ll kill you and then find someone else who is actually willing to teach me!” Toshirou exclaimed one last time and then started walking to his futon. “Whatever, I don’t want to keep looking at your face for today. I will go to sleep now.” He turned to glare at him again. “And as soon as I wake up tomorrow you better be ready to teach me something.”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Rest well, Toshi-kun. You will need it for all the hard work I’m gonna put you in tomorrow. By the end of the week you will be crying about being too sore to hold your sword.” 

It was Toshirou’s turn to roll his eyes. “If you say so.” He turned over his futon, giving his back to Gintoki. “And don’t call me Toshi.”

“Whatever you say, Toshi.” He said, dodging the shoe Toshirou threw to his head. 

He got out of the tent before Toshirou’s wrath could follow him. Though, he regretted it almost as soon as he did because he came face to face with the last person he wanted to see right now. “Oh, it’s you again.” He sneered at Takasugi who was smirking. 

“I see that you and your little pet made up.” He said mockingly.

Gintoki growled. “Toshirou is not a pet!” He yelled, getting ready to punch the asshole. 

Takasugi’s smirk widened. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I offend you boyfriend?”

Gintoki threw a punch which was dodged. “He is not my boyfriend.” He growled despite the blush on his face.

Takasugi raised an eyebrow. “Really? It sure does seem like you two are.” Takasugi chuckled. “Oh, I see. Is it an unrequited crush?” He mocked, tilting his head. “Did he turn you down?” 

Gintoki tried to punch him again, but Takasugi dodged the attack. “No one turned down anyone.” He growled. “And if someone did I would be the one turning him down, obviously.” 

Takasugi smirked. “It seems to me like you are the one with the crush, Gintoki.”

He crossed his arms feeling his face hot. “Well, I don’t have a crush on him, so you’re just an idiot.” 

“Then why did you insist on being the one to teach him? You never were the teacher type. You wouldn’t even help Sensei with teaching the younger ones.”

“This is different.” He huffed. “I can sense the potential in him.”

Takasugi shrugged. “If you say so. I will leave you to it then. But do tell your dear student he can come to me if he needs anything.” He smirked.

Gintoki finally managed to land a hit. “As hell I will!”

Takasugi punched him back “Asshole!”

They fought like usual until Zura came in to pull them apart. So with a busted lip and a slight limp, Gintoki crawled back into their tent making a little too much noise. He woke Toshirou up who turned to glare at him. “Bastard, I told you I was going to sle-” He paused, noticing his sorry state. “What happened?” He asked standing up.

Gintoki shrugged. “Just an asshole that wanted to pick a fight with me.”

Toshirou glared at him. “You didn’t pick a fight with someone to avoid teaching me tomorrow, did you?” He asked, but he went to get the first aid kit. 

“Of course not!” Gintoki exclaimed, irritated. “He was just pissing me off!” He crossed his arms as Toshirou sat next to him with the kit. “I will be better by tomorrow morning, I swear. This is not enough to take me down.”

Toshirou started cleaning his lip making Gintoki wince. “It was still reckless to pick a fight anyway.” He muttered. “Don’t you know medical supplies are hard to come by in these times?”

Gintoki turned to look at him, noticing for the first time how close they were. He gulped nervously. “Then why are you cleaning my wound? It’s not necessary…” He whispered, noticing Toshirou’s eyes pulling away from his lips and staring at him in the eyes. 

“I-” Toshirou blushed, pulling away. “I was just making sure you would be fine to teach me…”

Gintoki tried to ignore his rapidly beating heart and cleared his thoat. “And I will, don’t worry. By tomorrow you would be the one needing stitches after I beat you in a duel.” He joked. 

“You have to teach me something before you can challenge me into a duel, idiot.” Toshirou said, not looking at him. “Then I will go back to sleep.” He said, going back to his bed. “You should too.”

“Yeah, yeah I will.” He said, getting into his own bed. 

They didn’t say anything else as Gintoki stared at the top of the tent, trying to get his heartbeat to go down. Why was he feeling this way? It had nothing to do with what Takasugi said, did it? He didn’t have a crush on Toshirou, did he?

Gintoki groaned under his breath, trying to not wake Toshirou up again. 

He was screwed. 

Chapter Text

Gintoki didn’t sleep a wink the whole night, and before he knew it, it was already morning. Toshirou woke up early as usual and seeing his eyes wide open staring blankly at the top of the tent he demanded his classes to start once and for all. Gintoki let himself be dragged into a field with 2 bokutos and his head throbbing painfully behind his eyelids. He was close to demanding a few more hours of sleep from the younger boy, but with the fight of the day before he knew he could not make any more excuses. 

And what could he tell him anyway? That he couldn’t sleep the whole night because he has been overthinking over Takasugi’s words last night? That he is starting to believe they may be true? That he has a crush on Toshirou who he has known for a week at most?

Is this even a crush? He is not sure he has ever gotten one of those. Besides being attracted to the cabaret girls in the towns they visited he has never felt particularly into anyone. But this thing with Toshirou was hard to explain. He may believe he has great potential to be a great samurai in the future and he may also think he’s kinda cute, but it’s definitely not a crush, right ?

“Oi, permhead! Why do you look like a corpse?” Shouted Toshirou brandishing a bokuto clumsily. “You’re not trying to get out of teaching are you?”

Gintoki frowned. “Shut it, Ponytail-kun.” He sneered. 

Yeah, this probably wasn’t a crush. He was too easily annoyed by the brat. 

“So are you going to teach me? And don’t call me that!”

“Yeah, yeah.” He drawled. “Now first, you have to actually learn to hold a sword.”

It’s been a month since Gintoki finally started teaching Toshirou and he was impressed by the kid’s abilities. He was a fast learner and in just one week he has made great progress. He was still nowhere near his skill level, obviously, but he could hold himself in a duel with some of the weaker but more experienced soldiers in the camp.

Everyone else was impressed with Toshirou’s rapidly evolving skills. Even Takasugi was impressed by him much to Gintoki’s annoyance. The bastard has continued trying to steal Toshirou while also implying Gintoki has a crush on him. Which he doesn’t. He just likes the boy. Not in that way! He just meant he liked the boy as an apprentice and maybe a friend. Definitely not as a crush. He obviously would never like Toshirou and his pretty hair and pretty eyes and his fierce determination. And the dream from last night definitely meant nothing. Nop. Nothing at all.

Anyway , Toshirou and him have also been getting along better now that the younger one is not always bitching about his lessons or whatever. He still complains about having to clean after him as per their agreement, but less than before. 

“Argh!” A shout in front of him was heard as some random dude got his ass beaten up by Toshirou.

“Yes!” Toshirou cheered happily before helping the man stand up. “Sorry, I didn’t actually hurt you, did I?” He asked.

“No, don’t worry, kiddo. Nice job there.” The man chuckled. “Though it makes me a little ashamed I’m losing to a kid. But keep working on your skills. You’ll be a great asset to ending this war someday.” He smiled before leaving.

Toshirou turned to him with a big smile. “Did you see that?” He said running towards him. “I did great, didn’t I?”

Gintoki felt his heart skip a beat and the blinding smile. He shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. This was not a crush.

“Yeah, yeah. You were great and all of that.” He had admittedly not been paying much attention, already knowing he was going to win. 

Toshirou blushed. “I still need to get better.”

“Yeah, you do.” He said but he still patted his shoulder encouragingly. “But you have been making great progress.” Toshirou beamed at him which made Gintoki’s heart skip a beat again. 

“Awww~” An annoying voice came from behind them. “Takasugi was right. You are a cutie!”

Gintoki growled while Toshirou blushed. “What are you doing here, idiot?” He asked, turning to Tatsuma's anoying face. 

“Kintoki! Is this the way to greet your best friend after his long journey to get supplies?” Sakamoto whined. 

“It’s Gintoki, you asshole. And I don’t care. It will be too soon if I never see your annoying face again.”

Sakamoto pouted. “Takasugi was right again.” He sighed. “You get really prissy when you’re interrupted with your alone time with your boyfriend.” 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” Both him and Toshirou exclaimed with equally red cheeks.

“Ahahahaha!” Sakamoto laughed. “He also said you would say that!”

“Fuck off!” Gintoki growled.

“Oh, but I want to introduce myself to your new boyfriend.” He said, still grinning.

“I told you, we’re not-”

“Hey, nice to meet you. I’m Sakamoto Tatsuma. You can call me Tatsuma.” He said, ignoring Gintoki and coming up to Toshirou with his hand extended. 

Toshirou looked at him awkwardly. “Hijikata Toshirou.” He muttered, shaking Tatsuma’s hand who shaked it wildly.

“I’ve heard all about you, kid. You seem to be quite the prodigy.” Tatsuma complimented.

Toshirou blushed. “Ah, not really…” He said bashfully.

Gintoki frowned. “It’s all thanks to my awesome teaching skills.” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

Tatsuma turned to grin at him. “Yeah, about that. I was really surprised you have taken someone under your wing, Kintoki.” He said. “You didn’t even agree to teach me to open a sake bottle with my sword, much less when I asked you to teach me that technique where you kill 3 enemies at once.” He pouted. “You sure have favorites, Kin-chan.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you to not call me that!” Gintoki shouted. “And you would be a terrible student, that’s why I refused to teach you anything.”

“Ahahaha, you got me there!” Tatsuma laughed. “But either way, it’s surprising to see you taking a student. Many have tried to be taugh by you, Kin-chan.”

“Don’t call me that!” He shouted again. “And they were useless, there was no point in teaching them.” He smiled at Toshirou who was looking at the whole interaction with furrowed eyebrows. “Toshi here is far better than any of those idiots.” He smiled fondly at the boy who looked up at him in surprise and a bright face. Gintoki’s eyes widened, realizing what he had just said in front of Toshirou. “Ah, I mean, not like it’s hard. Everyone else is just so bad that even Toshirou-kun is better than them.” He laughed awkwardly.

Toshirou turned to frown at the ground. 

Tatsuma hummed. “I think I understand now…” He said, nodding.

Gintoki turned to glare at him. “Understand what? That you’re an idiot?” He asked sarcastically.

“Ahaha, of course not, Kintoki. I mean about your feelings!” He exclaimed. 

“What feelings?!”

“Your feelings for To-” Gintoki slapped a hand over his face, shuting him up. 

“Don’t you have better things to do than to bother me and Toshirou?” He growled. 

Tatsuma laughed behind Gintoki’s hand which got his hand wet with his saliva so he let go to wipe his hand on his clothes in disgust. “I actually came here to see if you wanted to go to the nearest town and have a boy’s night. Takasugi and Zura already agreed.” He said.

Gintoki shrugged. “Sure, it’s been a while since we had a boy’s night. We can go after Toshirou’s practice.”

“Great!” Tatsuma said before turning to grin at Toshirou. “Are you coming too, Toshi-chan?” He asked.

Toshirou frowned at the nickname (Gintoki too), but didn’t even bother to correct him, not like Tatsuma would have listened. “Sure, I guess.”

“There’s no way you’re coming.” Gintoki shook his head. 

Toshirou glared at him. “Why?”

“You’re too young for our boy’s night.” He said. “You’re staying here and washing my clothes.”

“Oi, why do I have to stay here to wash your filthy clothes while you go out to party?” Toshirou growled. “And we are not even a year apart.”

“Either way, you should not be doing the stuff we do just yet.” Gintoki said. 

“Kintoki, you have been drinking since you were 14.” Tatsuma said.

“Shut up, you idiot!”

“Oh, you’re going out to drink?” Toshirou said furrowing his nose. “I thought it was something more interesting…” He muttered. 

“Oh, we’re not just going to drink, we also are going to a b-” Gintoki hitted him in the head before he could finish. 

“Yeah, we go drinking, which you shouldn’t do at your age.” Gintoki said while Tatsuma whined about his head.

Toshirou frowned. “That’s rich coming from you since you have apparently been drinking since you were younger than I am now.”

“And that’s exactly why you shouldn’t do it.” He said. “I promise you, you’re not missing much.” He lied. He liked drinking a little too much. “You end up puking more than what you actually drink.” That may actually be true in most cases. “And the next morning is definitely not worth it.” That also may be true, but it didn’t stop him from drinking again. “So really, I’m just doing you a favor.” 

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Whatever, it’s not like I wanted to drink with a bunch of idiots.” He growled, crossing his arms. “But I won’t clean any of your puke. And you better not wake me up in the middle of the night.” He threatened. 

“Sure, sure.” He said dismissively. 

“Oh, it would have been nice for you to be there, Toshi-chan.” Tatsuma said. “Well, I can’t force you, I guess. You can accompany us another time.” He smiled.

“Erm… sure.” Toshirou said, not looking really convinced. 

“Ignore him, Toshirou.” Gintoki said, putting an arm over Toshirou’s shoulders and pulling him away from the idiot. “We should go back to practice.”

“Yeah…” Toshirou mumbled while still staring at Tatsuma who was grinning widely while waving at them. 

The practice continued for a while longer without any other distractions. Gintoki was really proud of the progress Toshirou was making in the few times he had known him. He has gotten from barely knowing how to hold a sword to be on par to most soldiers around here. He is sure that Shouyou would have liked him if he had met him. All the more reason to get him back faster so he can meet Toshirou and teach him a thing or two. 

But, would Shouyo believe he has a stupid crush on Toshirou like the rest of the camp do? Would he tease him like Takasugi and Tasuma or would he try to give him unwanted relationship advice like Zura? It’s not like he needs it, because he doesn’t like Toshirou. Not at all. He just likes him like a friend and an apprentice, that’s all. He definitely does not spend too much time thinking about him even when he’s not around him. And the dream from last night was because of another one of Zura’s stupid comments, not because he actually wants to do that with Toshirou.

Gintoki was a little too eager to finally finish practice with Toshirou and leave him at the tent to go meet Tatsuma, Takasugi and Zura to go to the nearest town. It’s been a while since the 4 of them were in the camp at the same time so he’s ready to go for a night out. He’s not proud to admit that for the past 3 years he has taken a little bit of an addiction to alcohol, but it’s not often that they get to have fun, fighting in a war and all, so he takes whatever he can. 

The 4 quickly find a bar at the outskirts of the town and quickly start a round of sake between them. An hour passed and several bottles were already scattered around them. So far the only one mostly sober is Zura who usually never drinks much, though he’s already tipsy since he’s such a lightweight. 

“So… Kintoki.” Tatsuma drawls.

“It’s Gintoki, idiot.” He says mostly out of habit. 

“How many times have you kissed Toshi-chan?” Tatsuma continued before giggling. 

“Don't call him that. He doesn’t even let me call him Toshi.” He growled before he understood the question. “I have never kissed Toshirou!” He exclaimed, sitting straight. 

Takasugi and Tatsuma laughed and even Zura giggled under his breath. 

“I find that hard to believe.” Zura said, amusement clear in his voice. 

“Are you too much of a wimp that you haven’t gathered the courage to kiss him yet, Gintoki?” Takasugi said mockingly.

“Shut up, bastard!” He growled. “Why would I even kiss him?”

“Because you love him!” Tatsuma laughed.

“I do not !”

“Yeah, you do.” The three said at the same time before laughing together much to Gintoki’s further annoyance. 

“I don’t! And I’m gonna prove it to you!” He declared.

Takasugi raised an eyebrow. “Really? How?”

“Umm, well…” He hadn’t actually thought of anything yet, but then he noticed a man getting out of the building in front of where they were. “I’ll go there,” he pointed at the brothel they could see from the bar’s window, “and find someone else to sleep with. Because I don’t care about Toshirou so I can sleep with anyone.” He said, and for a while his drunk mind thought it was a brillaint idea. 

The three shared a glance. “Isn’t that cheating?” Zura asked. “I don’t approve of cheating, Gintoki. You should know better.” He shook his head in disappointment.

“Wha- I’m not cheating on anyone!”

“Jeez, Kin-chan, not even I would cheat on a cutie like Toshi.” Tatsuma said also disappointed.

“How many times do I have to tell you? It’s not cheating if there is nothing between us!” 

Takasugi sighed. “There’s no use, guys. Gintoki is too stupid to realize.” 

“Realize what?!”

“I still think he should remain faithful to the one who owns his heart.” Zura said.

“What does that even mean?!!”

“Who are you even planning to sleep with, Kin-chan?” Tatsuma asked.

“None of your business.” Gintoki growled.

Takasugi crossed his arms and smirked. “You were so intent on wanting to show us how much you don’t care about Hijikata-kun.”

“I never said I don’t care about him.” He growled. “I just said that I don’t like him like that .”

“Whatever.” Takasugi shrugged. “So are you going for a woman or what?” He taunted.

“I will!” Gintoki said, standing up and marching over to the brothel.

The three stood up to follow him, but Tatsuma was held back to pay for their drinks.

“I will not condone cheating!” Zura exclaimed.

“Shut up, Zura.” Takasugi slapped him in the back of his head.

“Zura janai, Katsura da.” He growled. “And that hurt!”

Gintoki enterned the brothel closely followed by the other two, Tatsuma arriving not much later. “Hello, sirs.” An old man said. “Samurais I see. A pleasure.” He smiled. “Anything in particular you’re seeking.”

Gintoki sneered at the man but looked around. There were multiple beautiful women staring at them and giggling between them. Gintoki looked around until one caught his eye. “Yes, her.” He nodded at one at the back.

“Ah, young Toshiko, a great choice.” The man said and Gintoki instantly regretted it. 

He could hear Tatsuma and Takasugi laughing behing him. 

Toshiko walked up to him with a big smile. “Follow me~” She said seductively. 

“Umm, can I get a cha-?” He was dragged to one of the bedrooms before he could finish. 

The girl started kissing his cheek and began travelling towards his jaw and neck, stopping next to his ear. “It’s nice seeing a handsome samurai like yourself around these parts.” She whispered in his ear, making him shudder. 

“Erm, thanks?” He said nervously.  

This was not his first time with a woman, and he may have been the one with the idea, but now he’s not really feeling it. It was probably just how similar her name sounded to Toshirou’s. Or it could be her long black hair and dark blue eyes that reminded him so much of a certain someone. But all he could now think as she started to undress was on Toshirou and now the pretty girl half naked in front of him. He tried to shake him out of his thoughts, but it proved to be just as difficult as it has been for the past month. 

Several minutes later without a response from his part despite Toshiko’s attempts and his mind still filled with someone else, Gintoki finally stepped away from the confused girl. “Sorry, too drunk for this.” He mumbled before going out again.

Thankfully, Takasugi, Tatsuma and Zura were no longer there. He was not sure if they were somewhere in the brothel or if they had gone back to the camp. Once he was outside, it was proven that they had not gone back to the bar and not really feeling like going back to their tent right now. He went back to the bar. He needed a drink or two, or several.

He could no longer deny it, he has a crush on Toshirou.

He’s not sure how much he drank after that just like how he’s not sure how he managed to arrive at their tent. All he knows is that Toshirou’s futon looked warmer and comfier.

Toshirou was woken up by the usual sound of people working outside their tent and he was about to fall back to sleep when he noticed something warm on his back and a weight over his waist.

Looking down he noticed an arm wrapped around his waist in an almost possessive grip. He tried to get away only for the arm to tighten more around him. In a panic, he elbowed the body behind him earning a pained groan and finally getting free from the strong grip.

He jumped to his feet to see none other than Gintoki holding his stomach in pain. 

“What the hell?!” He shouted, feeling his face getting warm.

“Shh, don’t shout.” Gintoki mumbled, holding his head in his hands. 

“Why the hell are you in my futon? Are you being a creep like Katsura-san warned me?” He glared at the older boy.

“I’m not a creep. Shut up, Zura.” Gintoki groaned. 

“I’m not Katsura-san!” He excalimed.

“Shhh, don’t shout, Zura.” Gintoki groaned again. “You always shout at the worst times.”

Toshirou growled. “I’m not Katsura-san, I’m Toshirou, idiot.” He said, voice lower.

Gintoki’s eyes blew wide open and he sat up quickly before groaning again and holding his head. “Fuck.” He mumbled. “What happened?” He asked.

“You slept on my futon.” He growled.

His eyes widened again. “Did we really sleep together?”

“Yeah! Didn’t you just hear me?!” He shouted again.

“Argh, and I don’t remember anything.” He whined.

“You don’t remember slipping into my futon last night without my consent?” He growled.

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, I just woke up and you were sleeping next to me. Was it so hard to just go to your own futon? Is not even 2 meters away from mine.” He glared, crossing his arms.

Gintoki stared at him for several seconds and then at his own body. “Oh.” He mumbled. “We just slept in the same futon.” 

Toshirou arched an eyebrow. “Yeah, what did you think?”

“Nothing.” Gintoki answered too quickly. 

“Anyway, why did you get inside my futon when yours was just a few meters away?” He asked again.

Gintoki shrugged. “Don’t know. Too drunk to remember.” He said.

Toshirou was about to snap back at him when Gintoki’s eyes widened again and he stood up quickly and ran outside the tent. He was just about to ask him what was up when he heard retching noises. 

He goes outside to see Gintoki throwing up. “I told you I would not clean your puke.” He sneered in disgust, but still went to help Gintoki stand up while he was still puking his guts out.

Suddenly he heard a familiar mocking laugh and raised his head to see Takasugi. “Gintoki, you really have a talent for making a fool out of yourself, don’t you?” He mocked.

Gintoki, with some difficulty, raised his head to glare at him. “Shut up, bastard.” He growled before he threw up again. 

Toshirou sighed as he rubbed his back. “How much did he drink last night?” He asked.

Takasugi shrugged. “About a couple of bottles as of the last time I saw him. But from how he’s faring it seems he drank more after we left.” He snickered. 

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t all of you together?” He asked.

Takasugi smirked. “We were until this idiot here got a brillaint idea and left us alone.” He said, and something in his tone made Toshirou uncomfortable.

“What did he do?” He asked.

Takasugi opened his mouth to answer but Gintoki raised his head again. “Nothing.” He growled, glaring at Takasugi. “I did nothing after we saw each other last.”

Takasugi raised an eyebrow before smirking again. “I see… I guess you just went back to drink more, didn’t you? Before coming back to Hijikata-kun.” 

Gintoki glanced at Toshirou briefly before nodding. “I just drank more and then came back here and passed out.” He sighed.

Takasugi hummed. “Well, then I guess you finally got your head out of your ass.” He said, turning around as Gintoki tensed beside him. “I hope you stop being an idiot and ask him once and for all.” He said, walking away.

“Ask who what?” Toshirou asked.

“No one.” Gintpkoi glared at Takasugi’s back. “He’s just being his usual cryptic self. The asshole.” He growled.

Toshirou sighed. “C’mon, let’s get you to your own futon.” He said, helping Gintoki back into their tent. He left Gintoki in his futon and went for a glass of water, handing it to the silver haired boy. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Gintoki mumbled, voice rough. He drank the entire glass and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “I thought you wouldn’t take care of me.” He said.

Toshirou shrugged. “It’s my job, isn’t it? To clean after your messes.” He wiped Gintoki’s hair out of his eyes. “You’ll just have to teach me a lot of cool tricks as payback.” He said, as Gintoki leaned into his hand still in his hair.

“I will…” He mumbled, falling back to sleep. 

Toshirou continued to caress Gintoki’s hair in his sleep as he smiled fondly. This idiot was a complete mess, but Toshirou has grown fond of him in the last month. And a part of him believes he feels something more than just regular friendship towards him. But he knows it’s not reciprocated and he’s fine with it. He will just continue to learn under him for as long as Gintoki will have him. That’s all he needs. 

Chapter Text

“Ouch!” Gintoki shouted as he fell butt first into the grass. He held his ribs where Toshirou’s shinai had hitted him. “Oi! Do you want to kill me?!” He glared at the grinning boy standing in front of him with his shinai still extended towards him. 

“Don’t whine so much.” Toshirou rolled his eyes, but was still grinning. “That’s the whole point of this, wasn’t it? So I can learn to fight.” He moved the shinai away and offered Gintoki his hand. 

Gintoki stared at his hand for a second before taking it, allowing Toshirou to pull him to his feet. “I let you win.” He grumbled, dusting himself off.

Toshirou snorted. “Really? You’re just being a sore loser.”

“It’s true. I was distracted!” Gintoki shouted annoyed. 

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “And what got you distracted in the middle of a duel?”

“I-” Gintoki stopped himself. He couldn’t actually tell him he got distracted with Toshirou’s eyes shining with determination or some bullshit like that. He may have accepted his stupid crush on the boy but he wasn’t about to go around saying cringy corny stuff like that. “You have snot on your face.” He deadpanned. Which was not actually true but it still made Toshirou blush and turn away.

“You jackass. Why didn’t you tell me before?!” Toshirou growled.

Gintoki snickered. “Ah, Toshi-kun, always so proper, can’t handle having some snot like the rest of us?” He mocked.

Toshirou turned to glare at him, nose red from wiping it so much. “Not everyone is as gross as you, asshole.” He growled. Gintoki laughed. “Anyway, I still won.” He said.

Gintoki shrugged, though he was actually proud. Toshirou has made a lot of progress in the 3 months he has known him. And even without the distraction of his pretty eyes, Gintoki still finds himself struggling to beat him more each day. “I’ll admit it was kinda impressive that you managed to beat me even if you used a distraction tactic.” He said, not looking directly at Toshirou. 

Toshirou frowned. “As if it isn’t something you would do too!”

Gintoki nodded. “In battle you have to use anything to win. Even confusing your oponent with snot.”

“Shut up!”

“But not anyone will be distracted by snots, you have to keep practicing.” Gintoki continued. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Toshirou said. “I’ll just ask Katsura-san to have a duel with me later.”

Gintoki frowned. “Oi, why are you asking him and not me?”

Toshirou shrugged. “I already know the way you fight, there’s no point in just practicing with you. I have to get more experience with more people.” He said. “And the rest at the camp are pretty easy to beat.” He muttered.

“You haven’t even beaten me properly!”

“Do you really want me to beat your ass again?!” Toshirou exclaimed.

“As if you could!”

“Watch me!”

Before Toshirou could actually try to beat his ass they heard an annoying laugh and slow claps. Gintoki turned to glare at Takasugi. “Fuck off!” He shouted. 

“I see the student has already beaten the teacher.” He mocked. “You have really gotten soft, Gintoki.”

“Want to fight and see who wins?!” Gintoki shouted. 

Takasugi smirked. “Sure.” Gintoki prepared himself to attack him. “But not with you.” Takasugi continued and looked at Toshirou. “It’s time I see his skills for myself.” He took another shinai and stood in front of Toshirou.

Toshirou turned to glance at Gintoki with a hint of nervousness. “Umm… I’m not sure about this.” He muttered. 

“Don’t be afraid, Hijikata-kun. I don’t bite.” Takasugi said, smirking widely. “Unless you ask me to.”

Gintoki growled. “Don’t you dare.” He threatened. 

“Don’t worry, Gintoki. I don’t plan to get in between. For now…” Gintoki was about to punch him, but Takasugi held his shinai higher. “Ready, Hijikata-kun?” 

Toshirou nodded. Takasugi was quick to attack, but Toshirou managed to defend himself just in time. Gintoki continued to stare as both fought, both moving quickly. He knows Takasugi was holding himself back slightly, he knows his fighting style too well to be able to tell, but it’s still impressive the way Toshirou is managing to hold himself in the fight. Takasugi, much to Gintoki’s annoyance, is on the same level of sword skill and they are both some of the strongest samurais here including Katsura and Tatsuma. Even with Takasugi holding back, Gintoki knows it’s not by much. Any other samurai in this war would not be able to last this long like Toshirou is and that’s impressive by itself.

Takasugi swung his sword which Toshirou dodged before swinging his own. Takasugi stepped back to dodge, but tripped over his feet, landing on his ass. Toshirou was about to swing again when Takasugi beated him to it, making Toshirou’s shinai fly a few meters away. 

“Check mate.” Takasugi said still on the floor and with the tip of his shinai a centimeter away from Toshirou’s neck.

Toshiro sighed. “You won.” He said, looking deflated.

“Oi, you did amazing, kid. This guy is just a monster.” Gintoki tried to cheer him up. 

“You’re one to talk.” Takasugi glared, standing up and shaking the dirt from his clothes. “But Gintoki’s right, kid. You were great even if you lost.” He smiled at Toshirou. “For a moment I actually tought you would win. Good job.” He patted Toshirou’s head, making the boy blush. 

“Thanks…” he muttered, looking away. 

Gintoki kicked Takasugi’s shin. “Now go bother someone else, asshole.” He growled. 

Takasugi ignored him and just stepped away from him. “I think you’re ready to go to battle. You’re far better than most of the idiots around here.” He said, still looking at Toshirou.

“What?!” Both Toshirou and Gintoki exclaimed at once. 

“We could really use more samurais like you. Most of these idiots are useless.” Takasugi continued. 

Gintoki glared at him. “Oi! Toshirou is not going anywhere.”

“Who are you to decide that?” Takasugi raised an eyebrow. 

“I’m his teacher! He just came here to learn to protect himself, not to fight in a war that’s not his own. He should not be involved in this mess!” He pushed Takasugi’s chest. “This is not his fight.”

“This is everyone’s fight. It’s for the betterment of the country.” Takasugi glared.

“Don’t go around sounding like Zura! We both know we’re not in this for that kind of bullshit!” Gintoki pushed him again, but this time Takasugi pushed him too.

“We need better fighters! You can’t keep protecting him if there’s no country to protect.” Takasugi pushed him.

“He’s my apprentice! I can protect him all I want!” Gintoki pushed him too. 

This time Takasugi didn’t just push him, he punched him. Gintoki returned the punch and they were soon throwing more punches and pulling hair.

“Stop!” Toshirou shouted. “You’re both acting like little kids!” He growled.

Gintoki punched Takasugi one last time before pulling away from him. “He started it.”

“You’re an asshole, Gintoki.” Takasugi glared at him. 

“You’re the asshole!” He shouted.

“What’s happening here?” Zura’s voice said. “You two better not be fighting again.”

“We aren’t.” Both grumbled crossing their arms.

Zura turned to look at Toshirou who shrugged. “Whatever, food’s ready. If you’re done with your childish spat, come to eat.” He said.

Gintoki and Takasugi sent each other one last glare before following Zura, closely followed by Toshirou. They soon were eating the 4 of them plus Tatsuma who was telling some random story about his last battle that Gintoki was not really paying attention to. Toshirou was staring at his food without eating in silence. He would usually listen attentively when one of them was retelling a battle story, especially if it was Gintoki, and he would even ask questions sometimes. But now he was not even listening. 

“Are you okay?” He muttered next to Toshirou’s ear, startling him. 

“Yeah, of course.”

“That bastard didn’t hurt you, did he?” Gintoki glared at Takasugi who probably sensed his glare because he glared back. “I will kill him.” He threatened under his breath only for Toshirou to hear. 

Toshirou shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Just thinking about stuff…” He muttered. 

“Hey, don’t look so down. He may have beaten you, but you were still impressive.” He rubbed Toshirou’s hair. “I’m proud of you, kid.” 

Toshirou blushed. “Thanks.” He mumbled, looking away.

Tatsuma's annoying laugh made him look away from Toshirou. However, Tatsuma was no longer saying anything and instead he was looking at Gintoki and Toshirou while laughing as Zura was giggling and Takasugi was smirking while they all stared at them. 

Toshirou didn’t notice as he was looking at his food with a pensative stare, but Gintoki glared at them. For the past 2 months they have been unbearable about the topic of his crush. He made the mistake of letting his guard down in front of Takasugi and he noticed his feelings for Toshirou and didn’t waste a second informing the rest. Since then Takasugi has been teasing him, Tatsuma has been making weird innuendos and Zura has been lecturing about healthy relationships and a bunch of other bullshit. 

“How are the lessons going, Kintoki?” Tatsuma asked. “Do you enjoy your alone time with Toshi-chan?” He snickered. 

“Shut up.” He growled.

“I have heard from other men at the camp that he is very skilled.” Zura commented. “I’m surprised, Gintoki. I never thought you would be able to teach someone like how you did with Toshirou-san. He must really be special to you.” 

“Shut up, Zura.” Gintoki growled.

“Zura janai, Katsura da.” 

“Yeah, even I am impressed with his progress.” Takasugi said next. “I think it would be beneficial to get him in battle with us. He could be a great asset to end the war.”

“Shut up! I already told you he’s not going!” Gintoki shouted, standing up, ready to hit the asshole again. 

“Takasugi’s right, Toshirou-san could be a great help.” Zura said.

“Toshi-chan would be amazing in battle!” Tatsuma exclaimed.

“Shut up! Shut up!” Gintoki shouted over and over again.

“Yeah, I want to go to battle.”

“Shut up! Shut u-” Gintoi stopped to stare at Toshirou who was now looking at them. “What did you just say?”

“I said I want to go to battle.” He repeated. 

“No, you don’t.” Gintoki growled. 

Toshirou frowned. “Yeah, I do.”

“No, you don’t.” He repeated. 

“You can’t tell me what I want.” Toshirou growled.

“Yes I can, I’m your teacher!” He shouted.

“That doesn’t give you any right!”

“Yes it does!”

“See, Gintoki? Even the kid wants to join the battle. Just let him do it.” Takasugi said.

“You stay out of this!” He glared. “And you!” He turned to Toshirou. “We need to taalk!” He took Toshirou’s arm and pulled him away from the rest and walked towards their tent. 

Once inside, Toshirou shook him off. “I will go to battle and you can’t tell me otherwise.”

“Why do you want to join this war so suddenly?!” Gintoki shouted, frustrated. 

“Because I’m tired!” Toshirou shouted back, startling Gintoki. “I’m tired of sitting around idly waiting for you and the rest to come back…” he muttered, voice far lower than before. “Waiting to see if you survived, to see when you will be back from war while I do nothing but worry.” His lip trembled.

“Oi, oi.” Gintoki got closer to him, and patted his shoulder. “I’m not going to die.”

“How can you be so sure? This is a war, you can’t never tell.” Toshirou said. “And I don’t want you to die somewhere in the middle of a battle while I stay here and do nothing.” He said. “I want to help too. You don’t have to fight alone.” Toshirou looked him in the eyes, his blue eyes filled with tears. “You once told me you got into this war to protect your teacher. Now I want to do it for you, Gintoki.” He said.

Before he could even stop to think, Gintoki slammed his lips into Toshirou’s. Toshirou froze and for a moment Gintoki panicked, thinking he just fucked up big time. He was about to pull away when Toshirou started kissing back. Gintoki let himself be pulled back into the kiss. It was messy and it was clear Toshirou didn’t have much experience, but Gintoki was fine with that. He was feeling too elated to even think about the awkward angle. He will teach him to properly kiss later, he will just enjoy the moment for now.

They eventually pulled away. “So… that means I can go?” Toshirou asked quietly, fluttering his long eyelashes at him.

Gintoki sighed, pulling away. “Fine. But you will always listen to whatever I tell you. And don’t go too far away from me. And you can only go if I say so. And you can only go if I’m going too. And you better not go looking for trouble on your own. And-” Toshirou kissed him again. Gintoki kissed him back for a moment, before pulling away again. “And you can’t do that in the middle of a battle unless you want both of us to get killed.” He muttered barely an centimeter away from Toshirou’s lips.

Toshirou snickered. “Fine. Fine. I will do all that.” He said, kissing him again. 

Gintoki kissed him back. “Takasugi is going to be a nightmare now.” He muttered, before kissing Toshirou again. “And Tatsuma.” He added and then kissed him again. “And Zura.” He kissed Toshirou. “God, please don’t listen to anything Zura tells you. Or the other 2 bastards either.” He says.

“Why?” Toshirou raised an eyebrow.

“Because they are a bunch of idiots.” Gintoki kissed him again. 

Toshiro giggled between kisses. “Fine, whatever you say.” He muttered, kissing back.

Fuck, those 3 are going to be even more unberable now. But this was worth it.

Chapter Text

“Is your sword polished and sharpened?”

“Yes.”

“Are you wearing the chest armor I gave you?”

“Yes.”

“Did you tie your shoes?”

“ Yes , Gintoki.” Toshirou rolled his eyes. “I’m ready. Can we go now? You’re acting like a mother.”

Gintoki frowned. “I can still change my mind about you going.” He threatened. 

Toshirou sighed, exasperated. “Gintoki, I already checked everything. If we don’t leave now, the Amanto are going to gain more territory.” 

“Fine, fine. Let’s go.” He checked Toshirou one last time. He was wearing an attire similar to his own but in black instead of white. He looked hot in it. But it was not the time for that. “But remember to listen to everything I tell you. And call me if you need it. And don’t fall into their dirty tricks.”

Toshirou rolled his eyes again. “Yes, yes. Can we go now? The rest of the samurais already left.”

“Yeah, yeah, c’mon. Stay close to me.” Gintoki grumbled. At least Takasugi was not here. He has been teasing him the whole week everytime he fusses over Toshirou. But what can he say? He doesn’t want anything to happen to Toshirou. He is confident in his skills, he had seen him progress to be able to trust him to stay alive during war. But this was not any war. This was against Amantos who had far more advanced technology than them. Toshirou has never encountered their kind of weapons before and there is so much a sword can do against them. 

But Toshirou is very stubborn, only second to Takasugi. Toshirou would not listen to Gintoki when he denied him coming so the best Gintoki could do was watch out for him.  

They quickly approached the war zone where some soldiers were already fighting against Amantos. From what he could see, most were not faring well against the enemy, but it seemed these were not the worst type of Amantos. 

“Ready?” Gintoki said, unsheating his sword.

Toshirou nodded, face serious. “Ready.” He unsheated his sword too.

Both Gintoki and Toshirou ran towards the fight in synchrony, slashing Amanto after Amanto. It was a surprise to see Toshirou killing, but he knows this were not his firsts kills. Toshirou always had the soul of a survivor and he was demonstrating his skills now as he killed the enemy. 

It made Gintoki feel elated as he stared at Toshirou’s beautiful form bringing down the enemy without breaking a sweat. He really is amazing.

Before he knew it, between Toshirou and him, they had gotten rid of almost all the Amantos without getting a single scratch. The rest of the soldiers survived too, though they looked worse to wear. But it was a difference to the times where Gintoki would be the only one getting back. With Toshirou by his side he could save more people. 

Gintoki and Toshirou killed the remaining 2 Amantos with ease before Toshirou turned to him with a wide smile. “We did it, Gintoki!” Toshirou grinned.

Gintoki smiled fondly. “Yeah, we did.” He walked to the younger one and tucked some of Toshirou’s long hair that had gotten loose from his ponytail behind his ear. “You did great.” He mumbled as he closed the distance. 

Toshirou kissed him back before taking a step away with a blush. “I thought you told me not to do that here…” He said, looking away bashfully. 

Gintoki smirked. “I told you not to do it in the middle of a battle. But now that is over I can kiss you all I want.” He stole another kiss, but Toshirou pushed him away. 

“There’s still people around us…” He glanced at the rest of the soldiers who were all clearly pretending to not have noticed them. 

But Gintoki was not worried about them. They all respect him too much to care about who he kisses. “They are not looking.” He leaned in again, but Tohsirou moved his head just in time resulting in Gintoki to kiss his cheek instead. 

“We can keep kissing back at the camp.” Toshirou said, blushing. 

Gintoki sighed. “Fine.” He groaned. 

The walk back to the camp seemed eternal since Toshirou didn’t let him get too close the entire time. But after they finally arrived, they helped the injured into the tent that served as an infirmary.

“Ah, Gintoki! You have arrived!” Zura exclaimed as soon as he noticed them. “And I see Toshirou-san is fine as well. How did your first battle go, Toshirou-san? How does it feel to finally be able to protect your beloved country?”

“Umm…”

“Shut up, Zura. We’re tired.” Gintoki grumbled, taking Toshirou’s hand and pulling him away. 

“Wha- but Gintoki! I need a report about the battle!” Zura said.

“Ask it to someone else!” He shouted.

“If you’re tired I could give him the report.” Toshirou said. 

Gintoki glared at him. “I just told Zura that so he would leave us alone.”

Toshirou frowned. “Why?” He asked.

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “Didn’t you say you wouldn’t kiss me until we got back to the camp? Well, we’re back now so you better hold your promise.”

Toshirou blushed. “I never promised anything.”

That didn’t stop Gintoki from pulling Toshirou into their tent and kissing him and despite his attempt to refuse, Toshirou still kissed back. They have officially been a thing for a week, and all they had done was kissing and maybe fondling each other a little, but Gintoki craved more. But he wasn’t about to try to make any move on Toshirou just yet, the boy was clearly still a virgin and no matter what Zura says, Gintoki is not a pervert. 

But Toshirou doesn’t make holding back easy…

In the week since he first kissed him, Toshirou had gotten better at it, proving again his fast learning skills. Just now he was moving his tongue inside Gintoki’s mouth in what was a too sensual way for a 16 year old virgin. And Gintoki may be too sexually frustrated since he has not slept with anyone since before meeting Toshirou, but every second that he kisses him makes him more horny. 

Gintoki relucantly pulled away. Toshirou had his lips parted, eyes blown wide and face flushed as he panted. Gintoki gulped. 

“Ah, I’m hungry! We should go get something to eat! Ahaha…” He laughed awkwardly. 

Toshirou stared at him with confusion. “Weren’t you waiting the whole day for us to be alone?”

“Yes, and we were alone just now. Now I’m hungry. Let’s eat!” He moved to get out of the tent that suddenly felt too hot.

Toshirou shrugged. “Fine. I’m hungry too.” He said and followed him out of the tent.

They quickly reached the campfire where Takasugi, Zura and Tatsuma were already sitting. “Ah, Gintoki! Have you rested?” Zura asked.

“Yes.” He didn’t look at him. 

“Why does your face look red, Kin-chan?” Tatsuma asked.

“It’s not red!” Gintoki growled.

Takasugi chuckled. “It sure is.” Gintoki ignored as he sat down, Toshirou sitting by his side. “Oh, I see. Were you two doing something naughty?” He asked looking between Gintoki and Toshirou. 

Gintoki choked in his own saliva as Toshirou spluttered, face becoming a deep red similar to Gintoki’s. “Of course not!” Gintoki managed to shout after a round of coughs. 

Takasugi smirked. “Your face says something else.”

Zura frowned. “Gintoki, what did I tell you about taking advantage of Toshirou-san?”

“I didn’t take advantage of him! Who do you take me for?!” 

“Ah, Katsura-san.” Toshirou mumbled nervously. “We were not doing anything weird. I promise.” He said.

Zura nodded. “I believe you, Toshirou-san.”

“Why do you believe him and not me?!” Gintoki growled. 

“Ahaha!” Talughed. “Is this why you never agree to come to bro-?” He was interrupted by Gintoki’s fist slamming against his face. 

“Shut up, idiot!” Gintoki growled. 

“Go where?” Toshirou asked curiously.

“Nowhere.” Gintoki growled.

Takasugi chuckled. “Don’t worry, Hijikata-kun, the idiot would never go to those kinds of places now that he has you.” He said.

This only made Toshirou frown deeper. “What kind of places?” He asked, but by the look of his face it seemed like he already knew.

“Don’t listen to these idiots, Toshirou. They don’t know what they are talking about. They are just being assholes.” Gintoki rambled. 

Toshirou glared at him. “Whatever. I don’t care.” He crossed his arms.

Gintoki turned to glare at both bastards, one that was still bleeding on the ground and the other who was staring back at him with a smirk. “I hate you both so much.” He growled.

“Gintoki, you shouldn’t say those kinds of things to your comrades.” Zura said. 

“Shut up, Zura. I hate you too.” 

“Zura janai, Katsura da.”

Tatsuma got up, holding his bleeding nose in one hand. “Speaking about bro-” He stopped, noticing Gintoki’s glare. “Ahaha. I meant, umm, hey, today’s was Toshirou’s first battle!” He exclaimed. 

“Ah, right. How was it?” Takasugi asked. “Did Gintoki act too much like a mom, Hijikata-kun?”

“Ummm…”

Gintoki glared at Takasugi. “Toshirou was great. We killed everyone.”

“That’s not true.” Zura shook his head. “One Amanto escaped.”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. “How would you know that?” 

“One of the injured men told me. Apparently he was already injured and couldn’t follow them and both of you were busy with several other enemies.”

He shrugged. “Well, it doesn’t matter. One coward Amanto is not a big deal. It was still great for Toshi’s first battle.”

Toshirou glared at him. “Shut up. Don’t call me Toshi.”

Tatsuma laughed. “We should celebrate little Toshi-chan’s first win! I raided an Amanto camp and brought many things that I think you guys can enjoy! There is this thing called mayaneese or something, I haven't tasted it, but some of the samurais claim it to be good.” He said, standing up and getting a box that was close to him. He placed in between them revealing various bottles with a red lid and white creamy stuff inside. 

“What’s this? Alcohol?” Gintoki asked, getting a bottle. 

Tatsuma shook his head. “No, it seems to be a condiment of sorts.” 

“Meh, then I don’t want it.” Gintoki put the bottle back only to be taken again by Toshirou who looked at it curiously.

“Are you sure it’s safe to eat?” Toshirou asked, looking at Tatsuma.

He nodded. “Yeah, several samurais have already tasted it and they are fine.”

That was enough for Toshirou who opened the lid and put some of the creamy stuff in his finger before licking it. His eyes opened widely. 

“What? Is it bad?” Gintoki asked, seeing Toshirou’s shocked face. “Are you okay? Tatsuma, if something happenes to Toshirou I will kill you.” He threatened. 

Toshirou looked down at the bottle, reading the words on the label. “Mayonnaise…” He mumbled.

“So, is it good?” Zura asked. 

Toshirou looked up, eyes shining brightly. “This is the best thing I have ever tasted in my entire life!” He exclaimed, pouring more of the mayonnaise thing directly in his mouth.

Gintoki took a bottle, looking at it suspiciously. “Is it that good?” He mumbled. He poured some in his finger and licked, only to scrunch his face. It was not horrible, but it was not good either. Definitely not eat-it-straight-out-of-the-bottle good. “Are you sure this is edible?” He asked again.

“Yeah… I think?” Tatsuma said, sounding more unsure now. 

Toshirou continued to slurp more of that thing in what was becoming a very disgusting way as Takasugi, Zura and Tatsuma tasted it too. Neither seemed to be into it and they all silently agreed to leave all the bottles to Toshirou who gladly accepted them. 

Gintoki glared at the bottle of mayonnaise in envy as Toshirou continued licking that nasty stuff. He should be licking something else.

“Ahaha! You can keep all the bottles of this mayo stuff, Toshi-chan!” Tatsuma exclaimed. “It will be your birthday soon, right? Consider this your birthday gift!” 

“Thank you, Tatsuma-san!” Toshirou exclaimed, holding the box closer to himself as he stared enamoured at the bottles inside it. Gintoki grumbled. 

“Oh, right. Your birthday is next week.” Zura said. “Is there something you want, Hijikata-san?” He asked.

Toshirou shook his head. “No, I’m fine. Thank you. The mayonnaise is more than enough.”

“We can go to the town to celebrate.” Takasugi offered. 

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Celebrate?”

“Yeah, that’s a great idea!” Tatsuma exclaimed. “We can take you to a bar and then to a br-” Gintoki punched him again. 

“A bar?” Toshirou asked, face scrunching up. “I’m not sure that I want to drink. Last time Gintoki came back and made a mess. I’m not sure if I’m going to be able to clean the puke of both of us.”

Gintoki patted his shoulder. “Don’t worry about that. You can drink all you want. I won’t.” He said.

Tatsuma choked, Zura gasped and Takasugi’s eyes widened. “Gintoki not drinking? Is this the end of the world?'' Takasugi mumbled.

Gintoki glared at them. “Shut up. I can not drink if I want.”

The three looked between each other and started laughing. “Don’t worry, Toshirou-san.” Zura said, still shaking with laughter. “I will clean up after both of you.” He said.

“Oi!” Gintoki exclaimed. “We won’t need you because I won’t get drunk!”

“If you say so, Gintoki.” Zura didn’t believe him. 

Toshirou sighed. “Thank you, Katsura-san. I appreciate it.” He said.

“Oi! You also don’t believe in me!”

“I don’t particularly like the idea of drinking alcohol, but I guess I’ll have to experience it sometime.” He said.

Zura nodded. “The safest way to drink is doing it surrounded by people you trust.”

“Then I guess it’s a plan.” Toshirou smiled. “I will have my first drink on my 17th birthday with all of you.”

“Yes! Drinking night!” Tatsuma exclaimed. “I know this bar in the next town that’s great and after we’re done drinking we can go to a brot-” Another punch from Gintoki.

“I will kill you!”

“Idiot. That would be cheating.” Takasugi said with a smirk. He dodged Gintoki’s punch.

“Cheating is bad.” Zura said, shaking his head in disappointment. Gintoki punched him too.

“Oh, right. That would be cheating.” Tatsuma mumbled despite his swollen face from being punched so much by Gintoki.

Gintoki kicked him, finally shuting him up. “Idiot.” He growled.

He turned to stare back at Toshirou hoping he didn’t hear what the idiots said, but he seemed focused on the mayonnaise bottle in his hand. 

He sighed. 

Someday he will kill these idiots. 

Chapter Text

Today Toshirou turned 17 years old and Gintoki has tried to make his birthday a pleasant one despite being in the middle of a war and with not too many resources. But he had prepared his favorite meal and even added some mayonnaise in it which Toshirou loved. Gintoki had been nervous about Toshirou not liking the food he prepared. He doesn’t cook often, but he admits he has a hidden cooking talent that he rarely uses, much less to make food for someone else. But seeing Toshirou enjoy the food he prepared made Gintoki happy and decided he wanted to keep preparing Toshirou meals even if he had to add mayonnaise to them.

“You should try sake first.” Tatsuma said, serving some in Toshirou’s cup.

They were in a nice bar in a town not far from the camp. They had found a table where the 5 of them sat down and immediately asked for a bottle of sake. Toshirou looked a little out of place as he stared at the drunkards around them with contempt. 

“Umm, I changed my mind.” Toshirou mumbled. “I don’t want to get drunk.” He said staring at an old man passed out with several bottles of sake surrounding him. 

“Ah, don’t say that, Toshi-chan!” Tatsuma tried putting an arm around Toshirou only to be slapped away by Gintoki. “You will have fun. I promise!” Tatsuma drank from his own cup. “Ah! Sake is great!” He exclaimed. 

Toshirou took the cup and stared at it with suspicion. Gintoki sighed and patted his back. “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.” He said. “It’s your birthday. we can do something else. I think there’s a restaurant open around the corner.” 

Takasugi snorted. “That’s lame.” He said. “What kind of birthday is celebrated in that kind of place?”

“Uh, many, you idiot!” Gintoki glared at him. 

“Many kids .” Takasugi rolled his eyes. “Hijikata-kun is no longer a kid. Are you?” He asked, staring at Toshirou with an eyebrow raised. 

Toshirou frowned. “I’m not a kid!” He yelled and took the cup, swallowing the whole content on it. He grimanced. “Do you guys really like this?” He asked looking in disgust at the now empty cup.

Gintoki shrugged. “It’s an acquired taste.”

“Don’t worry, Toshi-chan! You will like it soon enough!” Tatsuma said. 

“You guys drink, I will make sure all of us get back to the camp safely.” Zura said, crossing his arms.
“Ah, don’t be a party pooper, Zura.” Tatsuma put his arm around Zura. 

“Zura janai, Katsura da.” 

“Just have one drink!” Tatsuma said. 

Zura seemed to think this over. “Fine. Just one won’t hurt.” He said, taking a sip. 

Takasugi snorted and Gintoki rolled his eyes but neither commented on this. Toshirou stared back at the now full cup in his hand that Tatsuma didn’t waste time to fill again. He had an unsure look on his face. “If you don’t want to drink that, we can ask for something else. There are some other types of alcohol in here.” He said glancing behind the counter where he could see the vast variety of alcohol, some which didn’t even look to be from Earth. “And there’s also this new drink called soda.” He said, having heard of it before from the other samurais at the camp. “It seems to be a bubbly drink with sweet flavors.” 

Toshirou pursed his lips as Takasugi snorted again. “Sure, and then we can drink some box juice.” He said sarcastically.

Gintoki kicked him behind the table. “Shut up! Don’t force him to drink if he doesn’t want to!”

Takasugi glared at him and looked ready to attack when Toshirou spoke. “It’s fine. I will drink this.” He said, drinking the sake again. His face looked less disgusted than the first time, but he still didn’t seem to be enjoying it much. 

“Yes, let’s drink!” Tatsuma exclaimed, filling both Toshirou and Zura cups. 

Zura’s face already looked flushed as he drank again. Toshirou drank too with a more neutral face. 

“Here, Kintoki!” Tatsuma offered him a cup.

Gintoki shooked his head. “I promised Toshirou I would not drink so I could clean his puke.” He said seeing Toshirou start drinking his 4th cup. 

“What?” Tatsuma and Takasugi asked, looking perplexed by his answer. 

“Ahahaha! Good one, Kintoki!” Tatsuma laughed. “I almost fell! Here, you can drink now!” He offered him the cup again which Gintoki pushed away. 

“I told you I won’t be drinking tonight.” He glared at the idiot. 

Now even a tipsy Zura stared at him bemused along with the other two. “What?” The three asked. 

Gintoki nodded determinedly. “Yeah, now Toshirou can drink all he wants with no fear of sleeping in a puddle of puke.”

The trio’s mouths fell open as Toshirou, who had just finished his 4th cup, looked up at him. “I won’t puke.” He declared.

Gintoki patted his head. “Sure, sure.” He could already tell the slight flush on his cheeks. At least he seemed to be less lightweight than Zura. “I will just ask for juice. I wonder if they have strawberry flavor…” he mumbled. 

“Guys, I think I’m so drunk that I’m hearing things.” Zura said, voice slightly slurred. “Did Gintoki just say he won’t drink?” He asked, sounding utterly confused.

“He did…” Takasugi said, looking as confused as Zura did.

“Oi! I can go a day without drinking!” Gintoki glared at them.  

Takasugi sighed. “I guess I have to drink now since the world may end tomorrow…”

“Oi! What are you implying?”

Zura nodded. “I also never thought I would see the day Gintoki would not drink at a bar.”

“Ahahaha! He sure seems different!” Tatsuma laughed.

“Do yo-you drink that much?” Toshirou slurred, face flushed. 

Gintoki shrugged. “Sometimes. But don’t worry, I won’t drink today.” He promised.

Toshirou giggled. “If you say so!” He said. “Then I guess I’ll have to drink for both of us!!” He said, swallowing another cup, Gintoki was no longer sure how many he had. 

“Sure, just tell me when you feel too sick so I can take you back to the camp.” Gintoki said.

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “That won’t be necessary! I won’t feel sick!” He declared. 

Takasugi snorted. “We’ll see about that.” He said, drinking from his own cup.

Toshirou ingnored him and continued to drink. “Oh, but warn us before you feel too sick, Toshi-chan! We still need to go to the brothel before we lea-” Gintoki punched him but it was too late. Toshirou’s eyes widened and choked on his drink. 

“ Brothel ?!” He exclaimed. 

Gintoki laughed awkwardly. “Don’t listen to this idiot. We won’t be going to brothels tonight. Or ever again.” He glared at Tatsuma. 

“Oh, but I like going there. And you too, Gi-” Gintoki punched him again. 

He turned to look at Toshirou who was now glaring at his cup. “Ah, don’t listen to this idiot, Toshirou. I don't go to those kinds of places.” He said nervously. 

Toshirou kept glaring at the cup as Takasugi rolled his eyes. “Yeah, don’t worry, Hijikata-kun. This idiot may be many things, but he’s not a cheater.” Gintoki’s eyes widened as he stared at Takasugi who just defended his honor. “But he sure has gone to his fair share of brothels before meeting yo-” Gintoki managed to land a punch on his stupid face. 

Zura nodded. “Yeah, Takasugi’s right. Gintoki is faithful to you, Toshirou-san.” He said and then burped. “Ah, sorry, I don’t know where that came from.” He slurred, burping again. 

Toshirou finally looked up. “What is a brothel?” He asked, face blank.

Gintoki spluttered, Zura blinked, Tatsuma laughed and Takasugi facepalmed. “Ah, brothels are this nice place where you can go f-” Gintoki knocked Tatsuma out. 

“Don’t worry about them.” He said, patting Toshirou back. “You don’t need to know about those kinds of places.” 

Toshirou stared at him for a couple of second and then shrugged. “Fine. Then we can drink the whole night since we’re not going to a brothel.” He said. 

“Yes, you drink.” Gintoki sighed in relief. 

Gintoki watched the other 4 continue to drink for an hour. Zura and Toshirou were already really drunk and both were giggling too much about literally everything. Tatsuma was tipsy and told some bizarre story about a trade he made a few days before. Takasugi was the only one who still looked composed out of the four, but he usually had a higher tolerance. 

Zura was the first one to puke, getting the whole table splashed with the contents of his stomach. They had to leave before the owner killed them for the mess Zura made. Gintoki had to help Toshirou to his feet as he pulled him along back to the camp. 

Luckily, the town was pretty close to the camp so it was easy to get back to their tent. He prepared Toshirou’s futon and then turned around. “Here, you can sleep no-” He was interrupted with a kiss from Toshirou. For a moment he responded to the kiss just as passionately as Toshirou was doing, until he slipped his tongue inside Tohsirou’s mouth and tasted the alcohol on his tongue. He pushed Toshirou off. “You’re drunk.” He said.

Toshirou shrugged. “I’m fine.” He said, leaning in for another kiss. 

Gintoki kissed back until he noticed Toshirou starting to take his clothes off. “Wait, what are you doing?” His eyes widened and he pushed Toshirou away. 

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “What does it look like, idiot? I’m taking my clothes off.” He slurred continuing with it leaving him now bare from the waist up. 

“Why?!” Gintoki exclaimed, suddenly feeling very nervous and hot. 

Toshirou snorted. “They will get in the way, obviously.” He said. 

“In the way of what?!” 

“Of sex.”

Gintoki took a sharp intake of breath as Toshirou leaned in again for a kiss. For a moment Gintoki was too stunned to react and was only able to move when he felt Toshirou start to take Gintoki’s clothes off of him. “You’re drunk!” He exclaimed trying to push him away, but Toshirou was persistent as he started to untie his belt. “We can’t do this while you’re drunk!” 

“I’m not drunk.” Toshirou said, kissing Gintoki’s jaw, making him shiver in pleasure. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this! Go to sleep! Now!” He tried pushing Toshirou into his futon, ignoring the tightness in his own pants. 

“I’m not tired.” Toshirou slurred. “Let’s fuck.” 

“What are you saying?!!” Gintoki exclaimed. “You’re too drunk. Sleep and we can talk in the morning!”

“Why wait till tomorrow?” Toshirou slurred. “We can fuck now. I’m ready.” 

Gintoki gulped. “You don’t know what you’re saying!!”

“I know about sex.” Tohsirou glared. “Tamegoro already gave me The Talk.” He slurred. 

“I’m not having sex with you!” Gintoki exclaimed, trying to pry Toshirou’s arms away from his shoulders. 

Toshirou frowned. “Why? Don’t you li-” His eyes widened and Gintoki was about to ask him what was wrong when Toshirou leaned into one side and threw up. 

Gintoki grimaced. “You’re drunk, let’s get you to lay down.”

Toshirou, now looking more unstable on his feet, nodded and allowed Gintoki to guide him to his futon that had miraculously remained free from vomit. Gintoki handed him a glass of water which Toshirou drank before leaning into his futon and immediately dozing off. Gintoki covered him with a blanket. 

He sighed and went to clean the puke off the floor, ignoring his boner through all of it. When the tent was finally free from puke, he laid down his own futon and sighed, peering at Toshirou’s form under his covers a few meters away. 

He continued to ignore his boner for another 15 minutes in which a small part of him started to regret refusing to fuck Toshirou. But he knew it was for the best. It would be stupid to try to do it while Toshirou was that drunk. And it would only result in Toshirou hating him the next morning. If he remembers anything. With some luck, he won’t. He doesn’t know how he will be able to look at him after what happened tonight. He hopes that he at least didn’t notice his boner. 

Another 10 minutes passed until he finally slipped a hand under his underwear and touched himself, shivering as he remembered Toshirou’s hands and lips all over him. He groaned into his pillow as his hand moved faster. 

Fuck, that boy was driving him crazy. 

Chapter Text

Toshirou groaned, holding his head with his hand. Fuck, it hurts like hell. What happened? He blinked his eyes open, but even the brightness of the day was too much for him right now. He moaned in pain.

“Oh, you’re awake.” He heard Gintoki’s voice not far from him. 

Toshirou reluctantly opened his eyes. He saw Gintoki kneeling by the side of his futon, helping him sit straight and handing him a glass of water. Toshirou gulped it down before speaking. “What happened?” He looked around, and they were in their tent. “When did we get here?” He mumbled.

Gintoki, not looking at him, rubbed his hair in what he had come to known as a nervous tic he sometimes does. “Last night…” He glanced at him and Toshirou noticed the slight redness on his cheeks. “Don’t you remember?” He said so low that Toshirou was only able to hear him since he was so close. 

Remember? He remembers being at that bar and drinking with the others. He remembers Tatsuma mentioning brothel and he remembers feeling insecure about his obvious inexperience in comparison to Gintoki’s. He remembers drinking more to ignore that feeling and he remembers the drink making him start to think that he would not mind the idea of having sex with Gintoki. And he remembers Gintoki pulling him into their tent last night and Toshirou throwing himself at Gintoki in a desperate attempt to sleep with him. 

And he remembers Gintoki pushing him off and Toshirou throwing up. 

So, yes, he remembers everything. 

He groaned again. “I’m never drinking again…” He mumbled under his breath. 

Gintoki, having heard him, snorted. “That’s what they all say.” He joked, but Toshirou noticed he was still not looking directly at him.

Toshirou sighed. “Can we forget about last night? Please?” He pleaded.

Gintoki glanced at him but quickly averted his gaze again. “Sure, no problem!” He exclaimed a little too loudly, making Toshirou wince and causing his head to throb more. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about! Ahahaha!” Even Toshirou could tell the nervousness in Gintoki.

Toshirou suddenly felt even worse than what his hangover was making him. Gintoki had really become uncomfortable with him for his stupid actions from last night. He doesn’t know what he was thinking. Gintoki may like him a little, but that didn’t mean he would want to do that kind of stuff with him. He clearly had more experience than him and probably thought that Toshirou was not worth his time in bed. He probably thinks he is a stupid virgin boy who would never be able to be an adequate partner for him. 

He seemed clearly against the idea last night.

Toshirou tried to believe it was for the best, he probably wasn’t ready for that kind of stuff anyway. He doesn’t even know how two guys can go about it, though he has an idea. But… a small part of him really wanted to go to the next nevel with Gintoki. And if the dreams he has been having for a while were any indication, then he has wanted it for a while. 

But it was out of the question now. He would not force Gintoki into it. He’s fine with how things are right now. He just hopes Gintoki doesn’t hate him so much as to break up with him over what he did. 

“I’m going out. Do you need anything?” Gintoki asked after several minutes of awkward silence. 

Toshirou shook his head but even that made his head spin so he laid down in his futon again. “I think I’m going to take a nap.” He mumbled, not looking at Gintoki anymore.

“Right… Then I’ll be off.” Gintoki said awkwardly before Toshirou heard him leave. 

He sighed into his pillow, feeling more stupid than he has in a while. 

He has never been supposed to be liked for long, anyway. Much less loved…

Things with Toshirou have been awkward for a whole week. Gintoki tried, he really tried, but every time he looked at Toshirou the next morning all he could think was of the way the other had thrown himself at him. And his dreams had made him unable to forget it. He has taken to washing his clothes instead of letting Toshirou do it thanks to that.

It’s not like he entirely regrets it. Sure, he definitely wants to have sex with Toshirou, but he was pretty drunk that day and it would not have been right to take advantage of him. Takasugi already implies he is some kind of pervert.

He had been hoping Toshirou would foget the night, but he didn’t. He seemed ashamed of everything and Gintoki tried to be sympathetic, he had also done embarrassing things while drunk. So he decided to give him some space, but also because he wasn’t sure he could look at him without thinking about the way Toshirou kissed him that night and getting another boner. 

Things were so awkward between them that they now tended to mostly avoid each other. Now, instead of Gintoki practicing with Toshirou he would either practice his moves alone or with random soldiers from the camp. Right now he was practicing with Zura who was giving him more tips as Gintoki watched from afar, making sure neither could see him watching them. 

He sighed. He probably should have tried to act less awkward with Toshirou. Gintoki just hopes he doesn’t think he is a pervert who was expecting that of him so that’s why he did it. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Takasugi said, appearing next to his hiding place. 

Gintoki jumped, landing on the bush he was hiding next to. “What the fuck do you want?” He glared at the other who was smirking down at him. 

“I’m just curious as to why you have been avoiding Hijikata-kun all week and are now hiding in a bush and staring at him from afar like a creep.” He raised an eyebrow, the smirk still present. “Did you two broke up?” He asked, sounding amused. “That’s a shame, but understandable. Hijikata-kun is out of your league. Maybe I should try asking him o-” Gintoki punched him and Takasugi punched him back. 

“We haven’t broken up, you bastard. Stay away from him.” Gintoki growled, landing another punch. 

Takasugi punched him again. “Then what did you do to make Hijikata-kun look so down?” He asked, spitting some blood. “Or maybe he is just realizing now how much of an idiot his boyfriend is and is starting to regret ever dating you.”

Gintoki kicked him. “Shut up!” 

“What finally made him see sense?” Takasugi continued talking as he kicked Gintoki too. “Was it how much of a mess you are or how stupid you are?” 

Gintoki tackled him, making both of them land on the grass. “We didn’t fight and we’re not breaking up.” He growled. 

Takasugi pulled his hair as Gintoki did too. “He can’t even look at you.” He said despite his face being pulled by the strength of Gintoki pulling his hair. “You must have done something.” He continued as he tried kicking Gintoki. “In fact, the last ime I saw both of you act like two stupid love birds was on his birthday.” He said, gaining a kick in the stomach from Gintoki. Takasugi gasped for breath and his eyes widened. “Wait.” He wheezed. “His birthday…”

Gintoki punched him in the face hoping he would shut up once and for all. “I told you nothing happened.” 

Takasugi glared at him despite the blood coming out of his nose, not like Gintoki was much better. “Gintoki, please tell me you didn’t do what I think you did.” 

“I didn’t do shit, you bastard.” He said, not looking at him and instead kicking him again. 

Takasugi used his slight distraction to turn them around, now he was hovering over Gintoki as he punched him. “Did you take advantage of a drunk kid? Was that why you insisted on not drinking?” He sneered at him. “Because you wanted to fuck him?”

“Are you an idiot?!” Gintoki yelled. “I would never do that!!”

“What’s happening here?!” Zura’s angry voice came behind them. 

Takasugi punched him again one last time and then stood up, avoiding the kick from Gintoki. “Nothing.” He said, dusting his clothes off. “We were just talking and we agreed that Gintoki should commit seppuku.”

“We didn’t agree to shit!!” Gintoki shouted, throwing a rock at Takasugi who dodged it, only to hit Toshirou in the shoulder instead. “Ah, wait! Fuck, I’m sorry!” He yelled, getting up and going towards Toshirou. “I didn’t mean to hit you! That was for the bastard of Takasugi.”

Toshirou didn’t speak, instead watching him over and noticing all the bruises from his fight with Takasugi. “First you take advantage of Hijikata-kun and now you hit him? I never thought you would be such a despicable human being, Gintoki.” Takasugi said, shaking his head in disappointment.

“Shut up! All of this is just a misunderstanding!!” Gintoki shouted, throwing a punch at him but was easily dodged by Takasugi.

“Wait, what?” Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about, Takasugi-san?”

“Gintoki, stop causing trouble.” Zura said. “And what is Takasugi talking about?”

“He is just saying nonsense!”

“Gintoki took advantage of Hijijkata-kun while he was drunk last week and it’s why they have now broken up.” Takasugi said. 

“ What ?!” Toshirou and Zura exclaimed at the same time. 

“Gintoki…” Zura turned to glare at him with such a scary face that even Gintoki gulped from fear. It was rare that Zura got as angry as now. “That's shameful behaviour for a samurai. Takasugi is right, seppu-”

“Wait, Katsura-san!” Toshirou stopped him. “That’s not true!” He exclaimed. “Gintoki didn’t do anything to me!”

The three turned to him. “Then why do you look so uncomfortable with this idiot?” Takasugi asked.

Toshirou blushed and looked away. “Gintoki didn’t do anything to me…” He sighed. “But I tried to, well…” Toshirou looked around looking nervous. 

Gintoki sighed. “Nothing happened. Toshirou was just drunk and threw up before passing out.” He said.

“Oh…” Zura mumbled. “That doesn’t seem so bad. Don’t worry, Toshirou-san, everyone throws up from time to time. Especially after drinking.” He said.

“Says the guy who throws up everytime he drinks.” Gintoki mumbled, crossing his arms. 

“But why does that make both of you act so strange towards each other?” Takasugi asked. 

“It was embarrassing…” Toshirou mumbled. 

Takasugi rolled his eyes. “It’s just a little puke. Unless you both are hiding something else.” He raised an eyebrow and Gintoki and Toshirou tensed. Takasugi’s eyes widened.

“Oh… I see.” He smirked. “I think I understand now.” He said.

“Understand what?” Zura asked. 

“I’ll admit it is a surprise you two haven’t taken that step yet. Especially considering Gintoki hasn’t done that in a while.” He smirked. “Not since meeting Toshirou…”

Toshirou looked away with a frown as Gintoki glared at Takasugi. “Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“What are you talking about?” Zura asked. “I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Takasugi shrugged. “Nothing. Just two idiots that should be talking instead of avoiding each other.” He said looking at both of them who were avoiding each other’s eyes. 

Zura looked at them too. “Oh…” He said. “Yes, couples should always communicate to have a strong bond.” He nodded. 

“We should leave them to it.” Takasugi said, leaving both of them. 

“Right.” Zura left too.

Despite being now alone, neither spoke for several seconds. “So…” Gintoki felt himself start to sweat. “How was practice?” He asked.

Toshirou sighed, looking defeated. “It was fine.” He mumbled without looking at him. “I’m tired so I’m going to take a nap.” He said.

“Wait!” Gintoki said, but Toshirou had already left. 

He hitted himself. What should he do now?

He avoided their tent the rest of the day and only arrived after dinner, holding a plate of Toshirou’s favorite food and mayonnaise since he didn’t show up to eat either. He was worried about him, but he wasn’t sure what to say to make Toshirou feel better. 

He arrived seeing Tohsirou folding the clothes. 

“Hey…” he mumbled. “I brought food.” He said to make Toshirou look up.

“Thanks…” He said and continued with his previous task.

“You should leave that. You have to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry…”

Gintoki frowned. “Okay, what’s up?” He asked, irritation in his voice. “I know what happened last week was awkward, but you have to eat something.”

“I’m sorry…”

“What are you apologizing for?” He asked, sitting down in front of him and putting the food between them. 

“I threw myself at you like an idiot.” 

Gitoki sighed. “You don’t have to apologize for that. Everyone does stupid shit while drunk. I once tried kissing Zura thinking he was a woman.” He never told that to anyone, but if it made Toshirou feel better then he would. “We agreed to never talk about that so don’t tell anyone. I was lucky no one else was there. Takasugi and Tatsuma would never let me live it down.” He shuddered at the idea of them finding out.

Toshirou frowned. “Whatever, I’m going to sleep.” He mumbled, turning around.

Gintoki winced. “Hey, you’re not mad about that, right? It was before I met you, I promise. And I would never confuse him for a woman again. I learned my lesson.”

Toshirou didn’t answer and just layed down on his futon, giving his back to Gintoki.

“To-Toshirou?” Gintoki said, trying to get an answer.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to have a girlfriend?” He asked. “One with more experience?”

Gintoki frowned. “What?” He asked bemused. “What are you talking about? Girlfriend? Experience? Where did that come from?”

“I mean, I’m just a useless 17-year-old boy without any kind of sexual experience. Surely you would prefer someone better than me.” He mumbled, his back still to Gintoki.

“What the- No!” Gintoki excalimed. He went to Toshirou and pulled him by the shoulder, making him look at him. Toshirou held his gaze at the floor instead of looking at him. “I don’t want a girlfriend or anyone else! You’re my boyfriend and I like you!” Gintoki exclaimed, feeling his cheeks heat up.

“Why?” Toshirou asked, voice sounding bitter. “What is it that you like about me?”

Gintoki blushed harder. “I, well…” He gulped. There were too many things, some he couldn’t even describe, what should he say? “Your eyes?” Somehow it kinda came out as a question.

Toshirou snorted. “Surely there are many women with eyes more beautiful than mine. You can just go to a brothel and find someone better and with prettier eyes than mine.”

Gintoki choked. “What?”

Toshirou frowned, but still held his eyes on the floor. “I know you have slept around before. Sakamoto-san always mentions you frequenting brothels.” He said. “And I do know what they are, by the way.”

Gintoki felt his blood boil. “That fucking bastard. I’ll kill him.” He growled. 

“You clearly have more experience than me. Is that why you don’t want to do it with me? Because I don’t have experience? Would you prefer someone with more experience than me?” He asked. 

“Toshirou! What are you talking about?!” Gitoki shook him by the shoulder hoping he would stop spouting nonsense. “I don't care about that.”

“Then why did you turn me down after I threw myself at you? That was clearly a rejection.” Toshirou said.

“I never rejected you!!” Gintoki exclaimed. “I just stopped you because you were drunk.”

Toshirou finally glanced at him with a mix of anger and confusion. “And why does it matter if I was drunk or not? Isn’t that what everyone does? Get drunk and then have sex?” He asked. 

“Of course not!” Gintoki paused. “Well, some people do, but that doesn't have anything to do with what happened that night.”

“Then what?”

“You were drunk, really drunk. If I had done something to you in that state I would have never forgiven myself!” He yelled.

Toshirou tilted his head, confusion still in his eyes. “Why?” He asked. “I was the one who suggested it, after all.”

“But you were not in your right state of mind!” Gintoki said. “It would be taking advantage of you!”

Toshirou shook his head, a slight blush forming on his cheeks. He looked down at the floor again. “It wouldn’t have been taking advantage of me…” He mumbled. “Because I wanted it.”

“Wh-what?!!” Gintoki exclaimed, feeling his whole body growing incredibly hot. 

Toshirou, still looking down at his hands that were twitching in his lap, shrugged. “I have been thinking about it for a while…” He mumbled. “I don’t know much about sex, but…” His blush deepened. “I want to do it with you, Gintoki.” He said. “Only if you want to.” He whispered the last part.

Gintoki took a sharp intake of breath, already feeling his pants getting tighter. “What?” He croaked. 

“Please dont make me repeat that.” Toshirou, face still brightly red, said. “It’s fine if you don’t want to. I won’t ask you to do something you don-”

“I want to!!” Gintoki exclaimed. Toshiro raised his eyes to look at him in surprise. “I really want to!” He repeated. “Do you have any idea the kind of suffering I have been through the last few weeks?” He asked. “I can’t even touch myself properly because you’re sleeping next to me.” Toshirou’s eyes widened as he blushed more. “And then you practically started seducing me last week. I had to use all my willpower to stop myself from ravishing you.”

“W-what?!” 

“I also want to have sex with you, but I wanted to give you time before even trying to suggest it. And I was afraid you would regret it if we did it last week while you were drunk.” Gintoki said, honestly. 

“Oh…” Toshirou mumbled.

“And I don’t care about any prostitutes.” Gintoki said. “I can’t even look at any of them without wishing they were you since I met you.”

Toshirou choked. “You what?”

Gintoki winced. “Ah, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.” He mumbled. “I’m really gonna kill Tatsuma this time. All of this is his fault. Somehow…”

“Is that what Sakamoto-san meant when he asked me if I had a sister?” He asked. 

“He asked you that?!!” Gintoki shouted 

Toshirou nodded. “Yeah, but I didn’t know what he meant by that. I just told him that I only had 3 older half-brothers and then told him about Tamegoro.” He said. “He seemed disappointed.”

Gintoki growled. “I swear I will kill him.”

Toshirou rolled his eyes, but smiled. “So then that means that you are not actually tired of me yet?” He asked.

“Of course not!” Gintoki said, shaking his head. “I like you, idiot.” He blushed. 

Toshirou smiled widely. “I like you too, idiot.” He said. 

Gintoki smiled at the other boy and leaned in to give him a kiss. “I like you, don’t forget that.”

Toshirou smiled. “I won’t.” He said, leaning in for another kiss. Gintoki deepened the kiss which Toshirou responded just as enthusiastically. 

“So… about having sex with me…” Gintoki mumbled, next to Toshirou’s neck, panting from the intense kiss. “Are you still up for that? Because I don’t know how much I can stand only using my hand after you fall asleep.” 

Toshirou blushed brightly. “Yes.” He said, breathily. “But…” he looked away with embarrassment. “I don’t really know how to, you know…”

Gintoki held Tohsirou’s face in his hand. “Don’t worry about that. Just let me do all the work.” He said. “Do you trust me?”

Toshirou nodded. “Yes, I trust you, Gintoki.”

Gintoki kissed him and started undressing him. What followed was the best night he has ever had in his life. He couldn’t get enough of Toshirou. And he was pleased Toshirou enjoyed it too despite it being his first time.

Chapter Text

Gintoki was happy. 

He was more happy than he has been in a long time and it’s all thanks to Toshirou. He may have regretted bringing him into his life and into this war, but those doubts were mostly gone now. Toshirou had proven himself to be a great samurai and has quickly become well known amongst the rest of the Joui. 

Before Gintoki used to be the only survivor, now he and Toshirou were able to save more men between the two. He had grown to be one of the people Gintoki trusted the most and he would die for him just like he knew Toshirou would too. 

However, there was something different from Toshirou than from the rest of his friends. Besides the fact that he wasn’t as annoying or an asshole like Tatsuma, Zura and Takasugi. No, there was something else. His feelings for him were far deeper than those for his oldest friends. In the months since they met, Gintoki has grown extremely fond of him and since they started dating those feelings have only grown deeper. 

A voice at the very back of Gintoki’s mind would sometimes utter the word ‘Love’ , but Gintoki was not ready to admit it was that particular feeling just yet. Their relationship was still new and he didn’t want to think of the L word just yet. 

Though, he could admit he loves fucking Toshirou.

It was even worth all the teasing he and Toshirou had to endure from Tatsuma and Takasugi or all the lectures he had to listen to from Zura. The former two didn’t waste a second at teasing them as soon as they had their first night together, claiming them to be too loud and that the whole camp heard them, which was, regrettably, true which made Toshirou almost die from embarrassment and Tatsuma almost choke to death from laughing so hard. Zura spent the whole day lecturing about being more quiet or something, He honestly stopped listening as soon as he opened his mouth. Not like he really listened to him because that night he made Toshirou scream his name again in the middle of the night, probably waking up several men at the camp. 

Toshirou was not pleased with that, but it was not Gintoki’s fault he was so loud or that his moans were so sexy. Now Toshirou covers his mouth during sex despite Gintoki wanting to hear him more, especially whenever he discovers a new sweet spot. So those times when they are able to escape from the camp for a while and make as much noise as they want are cherished by Gintoki. 

Yes, he loves having sex with Toshirou, he would even admit he prefers him more than any of those prostitutes he has slept with before. There was something in the way he kissed him, in the way he moaned, in the way his eyes stared at him that made Gintoki want more and more of him. None of those women could compare even with their years of experience and more skilled hands. Not like Toshirou was bad despite being very inexperienced, he was a fast learner after all. But there was something more than made Toshirou different, something that Gintoki still couldn’t define. 

“So did you two enjoy your nice trip to the forest today?” Takasugi asked with a smirk.

Gintoki glared at him as Toshirou blushed. “Shut up, bastard. That’s none of your business.” He growled. 

Tatsuma laughed obnoxiously. “Man, I wish I also had a girlfriend.” He said.

“I’m not a girl…” Toshirou muttered, frowning. 

“There’s no way an idiot like you can get a girlfriend.” Gintoki glared at the idiot. “Much less one as pretty as Toshi.” Toshirou punched him in the face. “Or as feisty.” He smirked as he held his bleeding nose in his hand.

“Gintoki, I thought I told you not to bring your private matters to dinner. We don’t need to know about your sex escapades with Toshirou-san while we’re trying to have a peaceful dinner.” Zura frowned as he reprimanded him. 

“Oi! I wasn’t the one who brought it up! It was that bastard!” He said pointing at Takasugi who was still smirking. 

“Gintoki, pointing is rude.” Zura said, shaking his head in disappointment. 

“I will kill you!” Gintoki tried to go after him, but was stopped by Toshirou holding him back. 

“Could we just finish eating and stop talking about this?” He mumbled with a blush. 

“Fine.” Gintoki sat up and crossed his arms. 

Takasugi snorted. “I see you have been whipped, Gintoki.” He teased. 

Gintoki growled. “Shut up! I’m not!” Toshirou had to hold him back again.

“Could we please change the subject?” Toshirou begged, face bright red. “Tatsuma-san,” he turned to Tatsuma, who was on the floor laughing. “How did your last deal go?” He changed the subject. 

Tatsmua stopped laughing and sat up. “Oh, it went great!” He exclaimed. “I got you another box of mayo.” He said making Toshirou’s face light up at the prospect of having more of that white nightmare. “And I also heard some interesting rumors!” 

Zura arched an eyebrow. “What kind of rumors?” He asked, intrigued.

Tatsuma laughed. “Well, you know how the four of us are known as the Four Heavenly Kings and all that?” Zura nodded. “Well, the rumors say that now there’s a Fifth Heavenly King!”

Zura and Toshirou’s eyes widened while Gintoki arched an eyebrow and Takasugi frowned. “What? Why do they think there is another?” Zura asked.

Tatsuma laughed again. “Well, the rumors say that the elusive Shiroyasha now has a sidekick.” Gintoki turned to stare at Toshirou who had his eyes and mouth wide open. “He is known as Kuroyasha, the Fifth Heavenly King and Shiroyasha’s shadow.” Tatsuma finished. Takasugi and Zura turned to Toshirou too who looked stunned. “But I don’t know who they could be talking about, ahahaha!” He laughed.

Takasugi slapped the back of Tatsuma’s head. “You idiot.” He rolled his eyes as Tatsuma rubbed his head. “They are obviously talking about Hijikata-kun.”

“Oh, that makes sense.” Tatsuma nodded, smiling widely. “Listen that, Toshi-chan?” He asked to the still shocked Toshirou. “You’re now a samurai legend too.” 

“I am…?” Toshirou mumbled. 

“Yes! Kuroyasha!” Tatsuma exclaimed. “The name kinda fits!” He laughed. “You’re like the dark version of Kintoki! The black and the white demons! So fitting!”

Zura nodded. “Yes, I approve of this. Both of you make a great pair.”

Takasugi snorted. “It kinda sounds like you two are already married.”

Both Gintoki and Toshiou blushed. “Shut up!” Both shouted.

“Good job, Toshirou-san. With a nickname as fearsome as Kuroyasha now you can instill fear on the enemy.” Zura said patting Toshirou shouder like a proud parent.

Toshirou smilled bashfully. “I guess it sounds kinda cool…” he muttered.

“Good job, Tohshirou. I knew you would come far.” Gintoki rubbed his hair, making it get a little messy. A few strands coming out of his ponytail. 

Toshirou slapped his hand away, blushing, but smiling. “Thanks…” he said, smile widening.

“We should celebrate the start of a new legend!” Tatsuma exclaimed. “Drinks are on me!” 

Gintoki cheered.

Gintoki groaned, holding his head in his hand as he sat up on Toshirou’s futon. He is not quite sure how they got back to their tent last night, but he does remember what they did after. He just hopes Toshirou doesn’t get angry at him for leaving so many marks all over his body again. Though it was totally worth it. 

He wanted to lay down again next to the still sleeping Toshirou, but he felt too sticky and gross. And he was sure he would throw up any second now.

So after cleaning up, throwing up a little, and getting some water he went to Toshirou's side again who was just stirring up. 

Toshirou groaned and Gintoki handed him the glass of water that he gulped down. He helped Toshirou stand up, rubbed his back as he threw up and handed him clean clothes to change after cleaning himself up. This was pretty much their normal routine after a night of drinks. Gintoki, being the one who had a higher alcohol tolerance, was the first one to wake up and the one with more strength to take care of Toshirou who was pretty much dead for the rest of the day. These times were the only ones where Gintoki would be the one waking up first. It also helped that he tended to hold back when Tohsioru drank so he could take care of him while he was hungover. 

Takasugi still teases him about that, claiming that he really is whipped to be holding back only for Toshirou. And Gintoki still punches him everytime he mentions it. 

“Feeling better?” He asked Toshirou once he brushed his teeth a second time, after he threw up again. 

Toshirou nodded slowly. “I am…” He mumbled. “I think I finally got everything out.” He said.

“Good.” Gintoki said, standing up. “Let’s go get breakfast. Or lunch, whatever. I’m hungry.” He said.

“I still don’t feel like eating…” Toshirou said, but he still followed him. 

It was not much later that they both were finished eating, Gintoki having convinced Toshirou to at least eat some rice, that he appeared. 

“Please train me, Shiroyasha-sama!” Said the dumbass who introduced himself as Paku or something. 

“No.” He refused immediately, making several samurais around them to giggle. 

“Please, I beg you!” He pleaded. “I want to be as great as you someday!”

“You want to be my apprentice?” He asked, crossing his arms as he assessed the man. He had curly silver hair, a double chin and the eyes of a loser. There was no way this dumbass would last in a war. “Sorry, but I’ve never tried to recruit new students.” He lied, trying to get rid of him. 

Several men surrounding them snorted as Toshirou giggled behind him. “Then what am I?” He asked teasingly.

Gintoki smiled at him. “You’re my boyfriend, obviously, Toshi!” He teased. 

Toshirou threw him a piece of yakisoba that Gintoki had not finished. “Don’t call me Toshi!”

Paku gasped. “Are you…” He mumbled staring at Toshirou with his mouth hanging open. Gintoki and Toshirou stopped their banter to raise their eyebrows at the loser. “Are you the legendary Kuroyasha?” he asked. 

Toshirou blushed. “Ah, do people really know me by that?” He asked bashfully, but still smiled, nodding.

Paku nodded. “Yeah, I have heard all about you! Some people say you’re not real since not many have actually seen you, but I always felt like you were real! And you are! It is such an honor.” He kneeled in front of Toshirou.

“Ah, wait, you don’t have to do that!” Toshirou said looking uncomfortable.

“I have heard about your beauty, but the legend doesn’t do you justice, Kuroyasha-sama!” Paku exclaimed, making both of them tense up.

Gintoki heard several men giggle. 

“What did you just say?” Gintoki asked, voice low and menacing. 

Paku raised his head. “The legends speak of a beauty that always stays by Shiroyasha-sama’s side, known as Kuroyasha. From the few descriptions there are from Kuroyasha-sama, everyone believed him to be some type of God of beauty.” He explained. “Some even claim that someone as beautiful doesn’t belong in the war and that he is but a mere illusion created by dying men. Like an oaisis in the middle of a dessert.”

Toshirou blushed. “I’m not beautiful.” He mumbled.

Gintoki wanted to tell him he was, but he had more pressing matters. “Why did you come here? Do you really want to be part of the war? You realize there is no way you can survive for long, do you?” He asked, voice tense as he tried to hold back from kicking this idiot.

Toshirou hitted him in the arm. “That was rude.”

“But it’s the truth. You don’t have what a samurai needs.” He said, sneering at the idiot. “Why did you come here?”

Paku lowered his head. “I know I’m not much of a samurai now, but I hoped someone as legendary as you could train me.” He raised his head and stared at Toshirou. “And I’m glad I came because I could meet the legendary Kuroyasha-sama.”

Gintoki growled. “If you really want to be my apprentice, go get some yakisoba first. Then I may consider it.”

Paku nodded wildly. “I will!” He exclaimed, standing up. He bowed to him and then to Toshirou. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Kuroyasha-sama!” He exclaimed before leaving.

Gintoki wanted to kill him and was really close to throwing his sword at his head until he heard Toshirou laugh. “You were really mean to him!” He giggled. “He clearly admires you.”

Gintoki growled, crossing his arms. “More like he wants to be me so he can steal you.” He growled. 

Toshirou patted his arm. “As if I would leave you for a loser like him.” He snorted. 

Gintoki chuckled. “He was a loser.” He nodded, feeling slightly better. “I will kill him if he comes back.”

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Don’t kill him. I’m sure he will eventually see that it's not so easy to be a samurai.”

“Fine. But if he tries anything with you then I will.” He said.

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You can kill him after I’m done with him.” He said.

Gintoki chuckled. “Not sure there will be enough of him to kill then.” He joked. 

Toshirou smirked at him. “So he better not try anything if he knows what is good for him.” He said teasingly. “C’mon, I want to go get that box of mayonnaise Tatsuma promised before he goes to the town to drink again.” He said walking away.

Gintoki followed him, smiling.

“I heard someone tried to steal your wife.” Takasugi said with a smirk.

“Toshirou is not my wife.” Gintoki glared at him. “And how did you find out?” He asked.

“Everyone is talking about this Pakuyasha guy who was hitting on Shiroyasha’s wife, Kuroyasha.”

“Pakuyasha?” Gintoki sneered. 

Takasugi snorted. “That’s what they call him.” He said. “Seems like someone has an infatuation with little Hijikata-kun.” He raised an eyebrow. “I’m surprised you didn’t kill the idiot with how much of a possessive bastard you are.”

“Toshirou stopped me.” He grumbled. “And it’s not like he’s a threat to me. I’m way better than that dumbass. And Toshirou knows it.” He preened.

Takasugi snorted. “Yeah, right. keep telling yourself that.” He said sarcastically. “You’re lucky Hijikata-kun hasn’t found someone better who makes him finally realize he is way out of your league.” He smirked. 

Gintoki threw a bottle at him, but Taksugi dodged it. “Says the idiot who has never been in a relationship before.” 

Taksugi glared at him. “But I could if I wanted to!”

Gintoki snorted. “Yeah, right!” He said sarcastically. “You would have to pay them.”

“Says the idiot who was rejected by a prostitute because she prefered me.”

Anyway, Zura ended up having to pull them apart again. 

Chapter Text

Everything started on a hot summer day of August. The last few battles have been rough on everyone and they have lost many men, but they were still hopeful. The Amanto had started bringing more deathly weapons to battles and it quickly began to appear that their swords were not enough. They still believed they could overthrow the Bakufu and the Amanto and get Shouyou back. That was a mistake. 

Looking back, Gintoki regrets many things that happened in that month, some more than others, but, if that day had gone differently then maybe none of the rest would have happened. Maybe if he had said something before both would still be here. Maybe if he hadn’t been so stupid he wouldn’t have lost all the people he cared about.

It had all started that day of August, the troops were already a little down from the recent losses. Zura was still trying to cheer the remaining samurais up, Tatsuma tried to get everyone drunk in a futile attempt of getting their minds away from all those deaths. Gintoki didn’t really care, but he didn’t like the way Toshirou looked so tense as he tried to help tending to all the injured men. Takasugi wasn’t really helping with his negative thoughts. 

His first mistake was after lunch.

They were preparing to leave the camp the next day, Zura believing their whereabouts had been compromised by the enemy. And just as they were finishing packing their stuff to leave first thing in the morning, Toshirou walked up to him with a serious face that made Gintoki feel nervous.

“Gintoki, can we talk?” He asked, voice low and tense.

Gintoki left the supplies down and nodded. “Sure, what’s up?” He asked.

“I just…” Toshirou mumbled, looking away with what appeared to be embarrassment. “This may not be the time to say this, but…” He gulped nervously, making Gintoki even more nervous. “I just tought, with the war and all, I just- I just thought that I may not survive and I want to tell you be-before I die…” he stammered.

Gintoki frowned. “You’re not going to die. I’ll make sure of it.” He promised. 

Toshirou nodded. “This may sound stupid, but I just have a bad feeling…” he winced, looking down at the floor. “I want to tell you something before anything happens.” He shifted in his feet, eyes still on the floor. 

Gintoki sighed, knowing how nervous the last losses had made Toshirou. They have had to retreat on more than one occasion. “Okay, what is it?” He asked. 

Toshirou took a deep breath and raised his eyes to look at Gintoki with determination. “I love you, Gintoki.” He declared, voice steady, but with a hint of nervousness.

Gintoki froze, eyes widening. 

The determined look on Toshirou’s eyes vanished the longer Gintoki took to answer and he went back to staring at his own feet. “This may be a little sudden. I’m sorry.” He muttered. “I just wanted you to know, in case…”

Gintoki winced. “You what?” He asked, because he didn’t know what else to say, still trying to process the words.

Toshirou glanced at him before looking at his own feet again. “I love you…” he said, sounding somehow less certain.

Gintoki didn’t say another word, too shocked to react. 

Toshirou sighed. “It’s fine. I kinda sprung it up on you…” he muttered. 

Gintoki still didn’t say anything.

Toshirou turned around. “I promised I would help today at the infirmary.” He mumbled, walking away and leaving a frozen Gintoki behind.

Love? What do you mean love ?

No, no, there’s no way Toshirou loves him. 

Love?

Him?

And anyway, what was he supposed to say? That he loved him too? Did he? Does he love Toshirou? He doesn't, does he? Yeah, he may like him, but love ? That’s not possible, right? Right ?

It’s way too soon to call this love, isn’t it? Isn’t it? They have known each other for less than a year and dated for even less than that. You can’t fall in love that quickly, can you? No, there’s no way he loves him, right? No way.

Except…

Except he does love Toshirou, he does. He has loved him for a while, but he was too stubborn to admit it even to himself. He loves Toshirou, but he’s not ready to tell him yet because he’s a coward. He is too much of a coward to confess even after Toshirou confessed first. 

He couldn’t even give him a proper answer after Toshirou confessed to him because Gintoki is an idiot. Takasugi was right, he’s the biggest idiot on Earth. He should just commit seppuku so that he doesn’t hurt Toshirou with his idiocy again. Committing seppuku sounds far easier than confessing, maybe he really should do it…

“What’s wrong, Gintoki?” Zura asked, making Gintoki realize the position he was in.

Gintoki stood up straight and let go of his hair to look at Zura looking at him with worry. “No-nothing.” He said, voice shaky.

“Really?” Zura didn’t appear to believe him. “Does this have anything to do with why Toshirou-san looked ready to cry as he walked to the infirmary?” He arched an eyebrow as Gintoki winced. 

“He was crying?” He asked, feeling even worse.

Zura shook his head. “No, but he didn’t look particularly happy.” He said. “You didn’t fight, did you?” 

Gintoki shook his head. “No, it was something else.”

“What?” Zura asked. “This is not the time for us to be fighting between each other. We need to be at our best. The Amanto are getting more advanced weapons and we’re having too many losses for us to be distracted.” Gintoki frowned. “What happened, Gintoki?”

“Toshirou told me he loves me…” he mutterd not looking at Zura.

“Okay, and?” Zura asked, voice confused. 

Gintoki stared at him. “‘ And’ ? What do you mean ‘ and’ ?” He asked incredulousluy.

Zura raised his eyebrow. “Isn't that good news?” He asked. “I thought you would have been ecstatic about that and would disturb the peace of the camps with your loud noises.”

“You don’t understand, Zura.” Gintoki growled.

“Zura janai, Katsura da.”

“What could I tell him? That I love him too?” He asked, pacing around. “Love? Do I really know what that means? Do I really love him? What is love anyway? Never heard of it.” He huffed, crossing his arms as he finished rambling.

Zura shook his head with his usual disappointed look. “Gintoki, you’re my dear friend, but you’re an idiot.” He said, making Gintoki glare at him. “Love is complicated, I will give you that. But you don’t have to understand love to feel it.” Gintoki stopped his pacing to stare at him. “I have known you for years and I have seen your relationship with Toshirou-san grow in the last half a year and I know one thing for sure and that is that you love Toshirou just as much as he loves you.” Zura declared, eyes and voice sure. “I think you should tell him how you feel, Gintoki. Life is short, you have seen it.” Gintoki thought of all those deaths. “You should enjoy it while it lasts.”

Gintoki actually felt better at his words which was strange. It was rare when Zura said something actually smart. But he was right. He loves Toshirou and he should tell him before it’s too late. You never know in a war. 

Gintoki nodded. “You’re right, Zura.”

“Zura janai, Katsura da.”

“I will go tell him how I feel.” He declared, nerves still there, but he was now determined to confess. 

Zura nodded approvingly. “You should. Now I must leave, Gintoki. There are reports of an army up North. Takasugi and Sakamoto already left.” He informed him as he turned around. “I will see you soon and I hope you and Toshirou-san have already made up. It would be a shame to see such a cute couple break up because you were an idiot, Gintoki.”

Gintoki glared at him. “Shut up, Zura.”

“Zura janai, Katsura da.”

Zura left after that along with most of the remaining men. The Amanto have been attacking a lot from the North so it was reasonable to send so many men up there since they have been getting more violent lately. The rest will finish packing everything before they too leave this camp to go somewhere safer. But he can’t think of that right now, he has to focus on his confession before he chickens out again. 

His first stop was the infirmary, but Toshorou wasn’t there. He was informed that he had just left to look for more supplies to treat the wounded so Gintoki had to leave again to look for him. However, he could not find him anywhere. It shoudnt be so hard to find someone as pretty as him in an almost bare camp, where was he?

He ended up finding him not too far from the infirmary, almost an hour later, with a box of supplies in his hands. He ran up to him as soon as he saw him, feeling his insides twist with nerves and determination. “Toshirou! Wait!” He called him.

Toshirou jumped, almost dropping the box before turning to him. “Gintoki, is everything okay?” He asked.

Gintoki nodded. He was about to open his mouth when he noticed Toshirou’s swollen eyes and winced. “I’m sorry…” he muttered. 

Toshirou looked away. “Why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong…” he mumbled.

Gintoki shook his head, steeling himself for what he was about to say. “I-”

There was an explosion interrupting him coming not far from them, where the infirmary was. Toshirou dropped the box as they both went to investigate, but the infirmary and everyone inside were already gone. 

“What’s happening?” Toshirou exclaimed, worried. “These men, they are all dead. Who would do this?” Toshirou's face twisted in fury mirroring Gintoki’s own.

“We’re under attack!” There were shouts coming from the other side of the camp as the familiar sound of swords clicking against other swords came to his ears. Gintoki got ready to fight as Toshirou did too.

The Amanto and the Bakufu were attacking them. 

Gintoki fought, Toshirou not far from him, but they were outnumbered. Not even Toshirou and him joining forces could deal with the huge amount of both Amantos and Bakufu’s dogs. The rest of the men fell like flies as neither could do anything to stop it. It felt like the more enemies they killed, more of them would just pop up to replace them.

At some point, he lost sight of Toshirou as both were surrounded by more enemies. Gintoki fought frantically against those against him, and when he finally got rid of the crowd surrounding him, he felt the air being punched out of him from the sight in front of him.

Most of the Amando and Bakudu’s dogs were retreating, already far away. All his men were dead and the only remaining figure standing up besides Gintoki was a Bakufu dog, standing several meters away from him, holding a familiar figure in his arms. He willed his legs to move, as he bradished his sword, ready to kill that dog. 

“Don’t bother, Shiroyasha.” The Bakufu dog said, smirking widely. “He’s already dead.”

Gintoki stopped for a second, trying not to break down, but he wasn’t about to give up yet. “I will kill you!” He shouted, running towards him, sword raised in the air and fury coursing through his veins like poison. 

He was blown several feet back.

Ears ringing and blood clouding his vision, Gintoki raised his head to see the Bakufu dog already far away, next to an Amanto aircraft with Toshirou in his arms. A burly Amanto holding a bazooka pointed at him followed soon after the dog. 

Gintoki fell to his knees as he saw the aircraft leave with the love of his life. All strength leaving him.

He’s not sure how long he stared towards the horizon where Toshirou had left and he didn’t care. He didn’t care as he bleeded out there or as his legs started to get numb the longer he stayed in the same position. He didn’t care even after his eyes dried up, no longer able to produce more tears as the dehydration worsened. 

That was the day Gintoki lost Toshirou.

Chapter Text

If you asked what got into Toshirou’s head to make him confess his love to Gintoki he wouldn't know what to answer. The growing anguish in the camp made Toshirou feel more tense as the days passed and more deaths ocurred. And that day he had woken up with a particularly bad feeling, something in him told him that he didn’t have much time and that he needed to say something unless he wanted to regret it for the rest of his life. He hadn’t actually expected Gintoki to say he loved him back. He knows Gintoki likes him, but love is way more complex. It took him a long time to come to terms with it.

However, he was still disappointed when he didn’t get an answer. All Gintoki had done was looked panicked and he felt like an idiot for making Gintoki uncomfortable just for a stupid hunch. He couldn't be sure something bad really would happen.

However, it turned out to not be so much of a stupid hunch since they were indeed attacked when they were at their weakest. Toshirou saw multiple comrades die one after the other as he was unable to help. He was surrounded as he was taken away from Gintoki’s side, but he still killed several enemies until one hitted him in the head and was held down by several Amanto. The last thing he saw was a stupid looking Amanto and a Bakufu man leaning over him. 

“Yes, I think this one will work.” The Amanto muttered. 

The Bakufu man nodded. “Fine, let’s finish him off.” He unsheathed his own sword and just when Toshirou thought he was going to slice his head off, the Bakufu man turned his sword to the other side and hit him with the handle in the side of his head.

Then everything went black.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed until he woke up. All he knew was that he was no longer at the camp and that his head hurted like hell. He was blinded by the bright light in what looked like a hospital room with Amanto tech. He tried to move his arms, but he soon noticed he was tied down to the bed.

“Don’t bother.” A voice made Toshirou stop his futile attempt at getting free from the binds. “They won’t come off.”

Toshirou glared at the Bakufu man and the Amanto next to him. “Let me go so I can kill you, you fucking asshole. You fucking traitor to the country. You should die and go to hell. I will kill you.” He threatened.

The man smirked. “You realize you’re in no way to threaten anyone here, do you, Kuroyasha-dono?” He asked mockingly.

Toshirou glared at him.

“Don’t worry, we will set you free, eventually.” He moved closer to a table where several things were, most looking to be made out of Amanto tech. “We just deemed you an adequate guinea pig for our little experiment.” He took one gun up. “Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.”

Toshirou growled as he tried to free his arms. “Let me go. I’m not your stupid guinea pig you can experiment with! Let me go!”

“It’s this or we can just kill you. You choose, Kuroyasha-dono.” The man said, walking closer to him as the Amanto left the room. “You have been a thorn on our side for too long. But we can finally get rid of you with this.” He held the gun up. “Don’t worry, it won’t harm you.” He continued. “You see, we have concluded some of the most annoying Jouis will not stop at anything for this stupid war. But if they forgot why they were fighting for then there should not be more bloodshed, would there?” Toshirou tensed up as he glanced at the gun dubiously. “So my friends and I came up with the idea to just make sure the most rebellious ones would forget about the war. That is where this beauty comes to.” He shook the gun around. “This little thing will make sure to make you forget everything from a certain period of time.” He said. “We wanted it to erase certain memories instead of everything from a certain period of time, but this project is still new.” He shrugged. “You should be proud, Kuroyasha-dono, you’re one of the first test subjects we have had.”

“Let me go! I will fucking kill you! Get that thing away from me!” Toshirou shouted, moving widely against his binds. 

“You just need to tell me how long do you want to forget? From what we have gathered, you were not in the war for long, Kuroyasha-dono. Or should I say Hijikata Toshirou?” He raised an eyebrow as Toshirou tensed up again, getting still on the bed. “We have investigated everything about you and your history, Hijikata-san. We know where you came from and where your family lives. I’m sure your big brother will be happy to see you again.”

Toshirou growled. “Stay away from Tamegoro!”

“We will, don’t worry. We’re not here to kill more innocents.” The way he said it didn’t sound trustworthy at all. “We will be leaving you alone if you cooperate with us. And don’t worry, your identity is not known by anyone besides a few of my friends. So, how long should we erase?” He asked.

Toshirou glared at him. “3 months.” He said after a minute.

The man stared at him for a second before he smirked. “7 months is it.” He said clicking a botton on the gun.

Toshirou’s eyes widened. “What? Th-that’s too far along!” He exclaimed.

“You think we haven’t fully investigated you, Hijikata Toshirou? We were already informed about you still living with late Satou Ichika about 7 months ago until she died and her son threw you away.” Toshirou’s eyes widened upon hearing that name. “You were still innocent then. What happened, Hijikata-san?” He asked, shaking his head like a teacher admonishing his student. “Something tells me you met Shiroyasha soon after that and he was the one who led you to the wrong path.”

Toshirou moved his arms again despite them already starting to bleed out from the tightness in the bindings. “Don’t you dare! I will kill you! Let me go!”

“Don’t worry, Hijikata-san. You will be free to do your life as an upstanding citizen after we erase your memories. You will be freed from the war and all your memories from it. You can be a normal man after this. You should be thankful we presented you with this opportunity instead of just killing you with the rest of your comrades.” He pointed the gun at his head as Toshirou kept fighting against the bindings, trying to get away from them.

The last thing he saw was a blue beam.

Toshirou groaned, holding his head in his hands, but he winced again as he moved them. He tried to open his eyes despite the blinding light over him, making his head throb more. When his eyes focused, he noticed his wrist were bandaged as well as his head, and, though he could not see from the hospital gown and the bed, he could feel his ankles were bandaged too. 

“What happened?” He muttered.

“Ah, I see you have woken up, Hijikata-san.” A voice said to his side. Toshirou turned to see a man with a lab coat and a wide smile that looked way too fake to be sincere. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Where am I?” He asked groggily.

“You’re in the hospital, of course. You have been in a coma for months.” Toshirou gasped. “What is the last thing you remember?”

Toshirou tried to think despite the shock of finding out he had been in a coma. What was the last thing he did? “I think…” He remembered something. “I remember stumbling upon the remains of a war zone.” He remembered seeing something glinting under the sun. “And I found a sword…” he continued. “I was going to sell it to get money for food.” That’s the last thing he remembers.

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “Sell it? Not use it?”

Toshirou shook his head. “I don’t know how to use a sword.” The doctor smiled widely. “I just wanted some easy money, thought someone would be willing to pay good money for a sword. But I don’t remember anything else.”

The doctor nodded. “That’s fine, it’s understandable after what happened to you.” He said.

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “What happened to me? Why was I in a coma? For how long? What day is it?”

“It’s August 12th, you have been in a coma for almost 7 months.” The doctor said. “And from what we were told by witnesses, you were attacked by Jouis.” Toshirou’s eyes widened. “You were left in a poor state after they were done with you, Hijikata-san. We were lucky to save you.” 

“I see…” Toshirou stared at his hands. Jouis did this to him? He never thought they would attack random citizens like that. “When can I leave?”

“Soon, don’t worry.” The doctor said. “We just need you to ask you a few questions. Procedure, you see.”

“Fine.” He nodded.

“First. What do you know about the war?” He asked. 

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Well, the Joui don’t want the Amantos coming to Earth and are against the Bakufu for letting the Amanto rule the country.” He said, confused by the question.

The doctor nodded. “And what do you feel about this?”

Toshirou shrugged. “I don’t care as long as the war doesn’t affect me and my brother.” He said, honestly. 

The doctor smiled. “Would you go to war?”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t see the point.”

“Have you ever fought in a war?”

Toshirou’s eyebrows furrowed at the strange question. “Of course not. I have been in a coma for months. And even before that I wouldn’t have gone. Not like I would be able to survive in a war.”

The doctor nodded, smiling gently. “Do you know about the Four Heavely Kings?” He asked.

Toshirou frowned. “The what?”

“The Four Heavely Kings.” He repeated. “Also known as The Rampaging Noble, The Dragon of Katsurahama, The Leader of the Kiheitai and Shiroyasha.”

Toshirou shook his head. “I have never heard of them. And what kind of names are those? What are they? Comedians?” He asked, starting to feel annoyed by all these silly questions. 

The doctor chuckled. “More like clowns.” He joked. “But don’t worry about them. You are free to go as soon as you feel like leaving.” He said, standing up and leaving.

Toshirou laid down, wanting to leave but not having the strength to stand up. He could move his limbs better than he should considering he has been in a coma for months, but his head still hurt like hell and he was not sure he would be able to get far like this. 

He tried to think more about the last thing he remembered before waking up. He felt there was something else there, but he couldn’t place it. 

He felt like he forgot something important, but what could it be?

After those bastards took Toshirou, things only went downhill from there. When Gintoki was finally able to get back to the rest, Tatsuma had already lost the feeling of one arm, now unable to keep using a sword or fighting in the war. More men died until it was only Takasugi, Zura and him left. The three hadn’t taken the news about Toshirou well and it probably affected their fights a little. Gintoki felt like giving up several times after that, but he kept fighting like how he knew Tohsirou would. He could not save him, but he would at least try to avenge him. He still had Shouyou left to save after all.

But he wasn’t able to save him either.

So now, Gintoki wandered around a random town, several months later, feeling like his life has lost all meaning. He had separated from Takasugi and Zura after he killed Shouyou with the same sword he used to try to protect him. Should he have sacrificed his friends instead of his teacher? Or would he have lost him either way just like how he lost his friends?

A part of him thinks that the Tendoshuu allowing him to live was more part of their torture instead of benevolence. 

He denied Tatsuma on his offer to travel around space together. He was not sure what he would do with his life now, but he wasn’t about to leave Earth after he failed to protect her. 

After a long while of wandering around despite the days getting colder as fall started and summer ended. The only reason he knew what day it was was because there seemed to be an event in this town, Bushuu, tomorrow and there were fliers everywhere announcing the match between two dojos on the 11th. 

He stopped outside a bakery, knowing he would not be able to afford anything inside it. He was about to walk away from the temptation when he noticed someone standing next to him. “You want one?” A man asked.

Gintoki turned to face the man and instantly tensed. His hand moved to where his sword usually was, but he remembered he had abandoned it a while ago after he used it to kill Shouyou. 

“You fucking bastard.” He growled, throwing a punch that was easily dodged. 

The Bakufu dog that had taken Toshirou away from him smirked. “Don’t worry, Shiroyasha-dono.” He said mockingly. “I mean no harm. I’m even willing to offer you a treat.” He nodded at the pastries. 

“As if I would accept anything from a fucking bastard like you after what you did!” He growled trying to punch the man, but he was admittedly not in his best form.

“What I did? What do you mean by that, Shiroyasha-dono?” The man faked innocence in a very annoying way. 

Gintoki growled. “You killed Tohsirou, bastard! I will kill you!”

“Kill him?” The bastard faked being surprised. “Oh, right, I told you that.” He chuckled as he continued to dodge Gintoki’s fists. “Don’t worry, that was a little lie I told you so you wouldn't follow us. Hijikata-san is alive and well.” He said, making Gintoki stop. 

“W-what?”

“He is. Want to see? I’m actually surprised you ended up here of all places. Seems like your destinies are really tied together.” The man chuckled. 

Gintoki took him by the scruff of his yukata. “Where is he?”

“I can lead the way if you want.” He said, smirk still present.

Gintoki reluctantly let the man lead him as he went near a dojo, one that was on the fliers around town. He could hear people practicing from where he was. He looked around trying to find Toshirou.

“Die!” He heard the shout from a kid. 

A laugh was heard next. “Sougo, you’re really excited today. Is it because your sister is here?” A voice sounding older said.

There was a giggle. “You’re so great, So-chan.” A feminine voice said. 

Gintoki turned to the Bakufu dog. “What are we doing here?” He growled. 

“Look.'' He pointed toward the dojo where a young man in his 20s was carrying a young kid on his shoulders as a pretty girl walked next to them giggling. Gintoki was about to snap at the bastard again when he noticed a fourth figure behind the trio.

Toshirou followed the three of them silently with a serious face. 

Before he could think about it, Gintoki moved and embraced Toshirou in his arms, feeling him tense up. “You’re alive! You’re really alive!” He exclaimed, feeling the tears fall down his cheeks. “To-”

He was sent flying several meters away from the punch he received from a furious Toshirou. “Who the fuck do you think you are, creep?” He growled, sneering at him.

“Huh?” Gintoki muttered, holding his sore cheek. 

“Don’t fucking touch me again.” He threatened. 

“Wh- wait! Tosh-”

“Toshirou-san…” A feminine voice interrupted. “Is everything alright?” The pretty girl asked. 

Toshirou completely forgot about him as he turned to her, eyes getting softer and a small smile forming on his lips. “Yeah, sorry. This idiot must have confused me for someone else.” He shrugged, walking toward her without glancing at him again. “Let’s go before Sougo eats everything again.” He said.

She smiled. “Yeah.” They left together, walking a little too close for his taste. 

Gintoki watched him go. “Wha- what the-”

“Ah, I see it really worked.” The Bakufu dog said jovially. 

Gintoki turned to glare at him. “Is this your doing? What the fuck happened to him? Why does it seem like he doesn’t know me?” He asked as he walked up to him ready to kill him.

“That’s because he doesn’t know you, Shiroyasha-dono.” He smirked. “You see, I created a memory erasing gun. Seems like it was a success because Hijikata-san doesn’t remember the last 7 months before we took him away. He thinks he was in a coma and he doesn’t remember ever meeting you.” He explained, the smirk wide. “Look at him…” He glanced at the retreating back of Toshirou walking besides the pretty girl. “He looks so happy now. He’s clearly in love with that girl. Living a normal life with a great future ahead of him.” He smiled maliciously at Gintoki.  “Unlike you…” 

Gintoki felt his inside shake with rage as he was blinded with it. When he came back to it, the bastard was dead, laying on a pool of his own blood, a smirk still presnt of his swollen face and Gintoki’s knuckles were all bloody. 

He went after Toshirou again and found him easily. He was sitting next to the girl who was staring at a dragon-fly. He was staring at her fondly until she turned to him, making him turn away with a blush. 

Gintoki knew that look and realized the bastard was right.

Toshirou was in love with that girl.

He left the town that day.

Worst birthday ever.

Chapter Text

Almost a decade passed since Toshirou woke up in that hospital room after being in a coma for months and there’s still something telling him he was missing something. The whole thing had been dubious to begin with, why was there a hospital in the middle of nowhere with seemingly no more doctors or patients besides the doctor that was there when he woke up and Toshirou himself? Why was his rehabilitation so easy despite being apparently in a coma for more than half a year? Why does he feel like there’s something missing even now?

He never got any of those answers.

He wandered for a while after he got out of that sketchy hospital with no particular destination. He didn’t have anywhere else to go. The Hijikatas had made it abundantly clear they wanted nothing with him. He couldn't go bother his brother and his mother was already dead. There was no reason for him to go back to his hometown.

However, his feet still lead him back to a place he hasn’t visited in over a decade, Bushuu. 

He hasn’t been to this place since his mother died when he was 5. The Hijikatas lived in the neighboring town so after her death he went there, believing he would never come back here. 

He wasn’t sure what he hoped to find here, but he had a feeling he needed to come back to his origins. Maybe whatever he was missing could be found here.

Just as he was in the outskirts of the town, he stumbled upon a small crowd of similar aged guys. Toshirou planned to ignore them, he was not here to make friends so he saw no reason to go talk to the guys. 

That was until he saw the reason they were all gathered in a circle. 

In the middle of the crowd was a small kid, maybe 12 years old, and a bigger boy, maybe 17. Both were holding bokutos, but the 12 year old looked considerably more beaten up than the other. 

“Huh? Have you given up already?” Toshirou heard the older one taunt as he walked closer. “That’s what you get for challenging me, the kendo champion!” He boasted. “Have you learned your lesson or do you want another beating?”

The smaller boy sniffed but held his eyes fiercely on the older one. “I don’t care if you’re the stupid champion. I just want you to stop bothering Aneue.” The boy growled.

“Huh?!” The boy looked more pissed. “I guess I’ll have to beat the shit out of you again!” He raised his bokuto, about to strike the small kid and before he knew it, Toshirou moved. 

“What do you think you’re doing, bastard?” He growled, holding the bokuto with his hand. It hurted, but it was definitely better than letting the kid get a direct hit to his face. “Didn’t your mommy teach you to only mess with someone your size?” 

The guy looked at him surprised for a moment before he frowned, pulling his bokuto away. “Who do you think you’re? The deal’s not with you! Fuck off!” He yelled.

“I won’t let you hit a kid. You’re bigger than him, it doesn’t seem fair.” Toshirou glared. 

“That’s none of your business!” The guy growled. “But if you’re so eager to protect this whimp then you can take his place.” He smirked and bent down, taking the kid’s bokuto away from him. “You don’t mind, right, Kota-kun? You won’t be needing this.” The boy glared, but now that he was closer, Toshirou saw the way his left wrist was swollen and he felt more furious on the boy’s behalf. “Here.” The bastard offered him the boy’s bokuto. “It won’t be fun beating you down if you’re weaponless.”

Toshirou held the bokuto in his hand, staring at it. “I prefer my fists…” he mumbled. He has never really touched a bokuto before, he’s not even sure how to use it. And if this guy was really the kendo champion as he said, then Toshirou doubts he has any chance against him. “I don’t need this.”

The guy's smirk widened. “Don’t tell me you don’t know how to use one?” He mocked and Toshirou glared harder. “Don’t worry, it’s not hard. It will only make things more interesting.”

Toshirou sighed, preparing himself to get beat up. Better him than the poor kid…

Only that, half an hour later, he was bandaging the kid’s wrist as the bastard and his entourage of idiots were laying around unconscious. 

“That was so cool, Aniki!” The kid exclaimed. “I was worried for a second there! I really thought you had no experience with a sword, but I was wrong!” He gushed enthusiastically as Toshirou tried to bandage him the best he could as the kid moved around too much. “Where did you learn all those awesome moves?! Can you teach me?! Please, Aniki!”

Toshirou sighed. “I can’t.”

The kid deflated. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t actually know how I did that.” He admitted, not looking at the boy’s confused stare. “You were right, I have never even held a bokuto before, much less a real sword.” He said. “I don’t know what came over me there. It was like I knew what I was doing. As if my body moved on its own.” He shrugged. 

“Wow, so cool!” The kid exclaimed and Toshirou raised an eyebrow at him. “That means you’re an Ultra Master Prodigy of Kendo!” 

Toshirou snorted. “Yeah, right.” He said sarcastically. He stood up, having finished bandaging the kid. “I should go.” He said.

“Wait!” The kid exclaimed. “Why don’t you take my bokuto?” 

Toshirou turned to him and raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you listening? I don’t know how to use that thing. You should keep it, kid. I don’t need it.”

“Please take it! I have another one at home. And you could use it to protect yourself like how you did today. It’s easier to fight a bunch of idiots with a bokuto than with your bare hands. You deserve to have it after you saved me.”

Toshirou considered it. “Fine, you’re right. I’ll take it. Thanks, kid.” He ruffled the kid’s hair. “Don’t get into more trouble.”

“I won’t!” The kid smiled widely.

That was only the start of Toshirou’s journey. He realized the kid was right, he was good at this. It was like he had already learned how to use a sword before. He wanted to prove himself, see how far his newfound abilities went, so he challenged multiple dojos, beating every single one of them. He became infamous around town, resulting in him gathering a long list of enemies.

That’s how he met Kondo.

The man helped him after he was beaten halfway to death by multiple guys from several dojos. Kondo took pity on his sorry ass and offered him a place to stay and heal. He also offered to keep teaching him more and Toshirou refused, but he silently watched the lessons, learning a thing or two as well.

Kondo then fought by his side against the bastards that were still holding a grudge over him and that’s when Toshirou decided to dedicate his life to follow this man wherever he wanted. 

He also met Sougo and Mitsuba. Sougo seemed to hate him from the start and Toshirou was sure it was because he was taking attention from him like the snotty brat he was. He didn’t care what Sougo felt about him, but something in him still made Toshirou feel like he was like a younger brother. 

Mitsuba, on the other hand, got along with him quickly. She was pretty and kind hearted. Nothing like her younger brother. And it was really easy to fall in love with her. 

Mitsuba was the first girl, or person, he has ever liked. He was sure of that. He had grown to care about the three of them. However… there was this feeling… like there was someone else he should remember…

Months passed after he arrived in Bushuu, there was an incident in October with some random guy who apparently confused him for someone else. It seemed to scare Kondo quite a lot, believing the guy to be a pervert. Sougo, on the other hand, wanted to go find the guy to sell Toshirou to him. Mitsuba had stayed quiet about the whole incident. 

Something about that meeting shook Toshirou a lot, even if he tried to pass it off as nothing, and he dreamt of the guy for several nights after that. Sometimes they were even in a far different place, with different clothes and spoke different things. These dreams seemed so real, but he somehow forgot them as soon as he woke up, leaving him with only the slight feeling of having dreamt about the guy again. 

He eventually forgot about him and the dreams stopped. Though, sometimes, on bad days, he could have sworn he saw that guy smiling in his dreams. 

Years passed in the quiet Bushuu and the dojo was offered a deal to work on Edo. Mitsuba confessed to him, but he turned her down. He loved her, but there were many reasons for them to not be together. She shouldn’t be going to a big city like Edo with her health as it is. She deserves someone better than him who wouldn’t bring her more pain. And, despite loving her, Toshirou felt like his heart wasn’t entirely hers and she deserved more than a half assed confession. 

He left her behind and followed Kondo to Edo along with Sougo and several other men. They eventually were established as the Shinsengumi, a special police force meant to deal with the enemies of the shogunate. He was not particularly in the side of the shogunate, but he wasn’t in the Joui’s side either, even less after they were apparently the culprits of his 7-month-long coma. Kondo became the Commander of the Shinsengumi and Toshirou the Vice-Commander. He eventually got a reputation around town, being called The Demon Vice-Commander, instilling fear on their enemies. 

With how busy his life got after coming to Edo, Toshirou didn’t have much time to think about anything else besides his work. He would sometimes still miss Mitsuba, but he didn’t think of her often. What he still couldn’t get out of his head even after all these years and even with his life as busy as it was, was that damn feeling of missing something. In Bushuu, he had tought it meant he was missing his brother, but even after visiting so many times and sending him letters, even after he died, the feeling never went away. 

Several years after coming to Edo he met him again. That perm headed guy, the one who keeps haunting his dreams even after almost a decade of meeting him. 

And he was a Joui.

When Gintoki came to Edo, he never expected to meet him again. He believed Toshirou would stay in that quiet town with that pretty girl, get married, have kids and have a normal peaceful life. So when he met him in Edo and was almost killed by his sword, he was surprised, but he put on a mask of indifference as soon as he could.

He ignored the hope he felt when he noticed Toshirou’s eyes, still beautiful, shine with recognition. “You…” Toshirou mumbled, sword still held over Gintoki’s head. Gintoki’s eyes widened, feeling more hope. “You’re that idiot that ambushed me years ago in Bushuu.” 

And just like that, Gintoki’s heart broke again. “I’m sorry. I think you’re confusing me for someone else.” He lied, face blank and desinterested as his insides twisted in pain. “Have we met before, Mr. Dilated-Eyes?”

“Huh? You should talk, creep!” Toshirou growled. “Coming from someone with dead fish eyes.” Gintoki got up.

“It’s fine, they shine in my close-ups.” He said, trying to sound as disinterested with him as he could. 

Toshirou attacked him, a familiar move that was easy to dodge only because Gintoki was the one who taught it to him. “You’re pretty good. Most people can’t keep up with this transition.” Toshirou said which Gintoki already knew, that’s why he taught it to him. 

Gintoki rubbed his chest where the sword had sliced his yukata, but the pain he was feeling in his chest was not physical. “That’s dangerous. What would you do if it really hit me?” He asked.

“You idiot! I’m trying to hit you!” Toshirou shouted. 

Toshirou went to attack him again and Gintoki had to protect himself, holding back, but not letting Toshirou get a hit. He stared into his eyes and the only reason he didn’t lean into a kiss was because Tohsirou was staring back at him with hatred and his sword was very close to Gintoki’s face. 

They were interrupted by some guy shooting at them with a bazooka, he kicked Toshirou making him fly back and away from the explosion before he ran away. 

That was the start of their rivalry. 

As the months passed, and as much as Gintoki tried to avoid it, he kept stumbling upon the man everywhere in town. He tried to avoid him, not trusting himself to not do something rash and make Toshirou hate him more than he already did. But they still always ended up in the same place one way or another. 

So he eventually went along with it, fighting with the man everytime he saw him. Drinking with him on quiet nights as they talked about something or the other, most time resulting in a fight as well. Sometimes fighting alongside Toshirou like old times to save Edo and its people. He soon noticed that the pretty girl that was with him in Bushuu was nowhere to be seen. So maybe Toshirou wasn’t with her anymore, but that still didn’t make the man more willing to be with Gintoki than what was necessary.

Gintoki tried to forget about his feelings for Toshirou, he has tried for over a decade, but so far he has not gotten over him. Even tried hooking up with multiple men and women with no results.

He still loves Toshirou, but he is still unable to tell him.

Chapter Text

Toshirou was pissed that that bastard didn’t remember him even after all the nights he spent thinking of their first meeting in Bushuu. Sakata Gintoki, as he later learned he was named, was the president of a small business called Yorozuya Gin-chan where they did odd jobs all around Edo along with two younger kids. He had wanted to force the idiot to remember him, if only to get some closure about the conflicting feelings that event caused him through a whole decade. But he knew it was stupid to ask for that after the guy obviously forgot him. 

He always wondered if he really did look so much alike to that person he was looking for. He wondered if he ever found them. He wondered what that person meant to him for him to react in such a way after confusing Toshirou for them. He wondered where that person was now. He wondered what made Sakata Gintoki confuse him for them. What traits did they share?

But he could never ask now because the bastard forgot him. He tried to think it was a good thing that he no longer remembered him, but Toshirou admittedly felt offended that the idiot forgot him so easily after all the time he spent thinking about him over the years. 

Now that he met him again only for Yorozuya to forget him, Toshirou tried to ignore him just like how the guy was obviously doing too. It was obvious the guy had some affiliation to the Jouis anyway, even if he could not prove it, so he had even less reason to interact with the perm headed idiot. Avoidig him, however, proved to be a far more difficult task than he expected, even with the two actively trying to avoid each other. They always somehow end up in the same place at the same time, even when Toshirou tried not to. It’s like they always have the same idea at the same time.

It’s creepy.

If the man didn’t look so annoyed at seeing him everytime, Toshirou would think he was actually stalking him. But Yorozuya never fails to complain about him as soon as they lock eyes. Calling him a million insults from the stupid ‘ Oogushi-kun ’ to ‘ Tax Thief ’. 

And he seemed to be on friendly terms with none other than Katsura Kotarou, also known as the Runaway Kotarou, the biggest thorn in Shinsegumi's side. The Shinsengumi have been trying to catch him for years with no results. Toshirou never personally met him until a week ago, but that meeting only left him with more questions.

How is a man as stupid as him so hard to catch?

That day he met him a week ago Toshirou had received a report that Katsura had been seen near Kabukichou, not too far from where Toshirou was patrolling. He went to the scene immediately, ready to catch the Joui patriot. He did, in fact, find him as he was told by his subordinates, and he was alone. 

He unsheated his sword and attacked before Katsura could react, however, proving his mastery with the sword he was well known for, Katsura blocked his attack with ease. At first, the man didn’t seem to be surprised at being ambushed by an officer, probably too used to this by now, but his stoic face soon turned surprised.

“To-Toshirou-san?” He asked, voice surprised but pleased. “Is that you?”

Toshirou raised an eyebrow, pissed at the familiarity Katsura spoke with him. “Oh, so you have heard of me.” He knew of his well known reputation as the Demon Vice-Commander, it would only be reasonable to think someone like Katsura has heard of him.

Katsura smiled widely, making Toshirou frown at his strange behaviour. “Not in a while. It’s so good to see you again. I thought you were dead.” Toshirou frowned deeper, not knowing where he got that from. “How have you been?”

Toshirou glared at him. “Don’t talk to me as if we are friends.” He growled.

Katsura tilted his face, looking confused. “We aren’t?” He pouted. “I know it’s been a while, but-”

“I would never be friends with a terrorist.” He sneered, interrupting whatever bullshit he was going to say. He knew Katsura to be sneaky and he wouldn’t put it past him to use some stupid mind games like he was trying now.

Katsura frowned, confused. “Terrorist?” He mumbled, confused.

“Now, give up before I kill you, Katsura Kotarou.” He threatened. 

Katsura, instead of trying to either fight back or run away, held his ground, just blocking his sword and still looking at him confused, but without fear or hatred. “Why do you act like you don’t remember me?” He asked, making Toshirou stop for a second before he tightened his grip on his sword. 

“I do remember you, Katsura Kotarou, I won’t fall for you mind games. We’re enemies.” He growled.

Katsura frowned, looking hurt. “Enemies?” 

Toshirou glared at him. “Stop acting like a fool.”

“Fool janai, Katsura da.” He was about to snap back at him again when Katsura smiled widely. “Hey, do you want to join my group? We could use someone with your skills.” Toshirou gaped at him, he really was an idiot. “Have you seen the others too? Just the other day I found Gi-” 

“Katsura!” He heard a familiar voice shout and he was only barely able to jump away in time before Sougo’s bazooka could hit him. 

“Oi! You idiot! You almost hitted me again!” He shouted. 

“Oh, Hijikata-san, I didn’t see you there.” Sougo deadpaned. 

“Yes, you did!!” He growled.

When he looked back, Katsura had already disappeared. “Great, you let Katsura go, Hiji baka .” Sougo said. 

Toshirou glared at him. “And who’s fault was it?! I already had him! If it hadn’t been for your stupid bazooka!”

Sougo shook his head. “You’re a useless Vice-Commander, Hijikata-san. Just die already.” He said, making Toshirou growl.

That meeting only made him realize just how much of an idiot Katsura was, but he still could not get the whole interaction out of his mind for a while. Why was Katsura so familiar with him even if they were on opposite sides of the law? There was clearly something else going on besides his idiocy and he wanted to find out.

Gintoki was just minding his own business, reading Jump at his desk when someone knocked on the door. “Kagura, get the door!” There was no answer and he remembered he had sent her along with Shinapchi to get more toilet paper. 

He decided to just ignore the door but whoever it was was persistently knocking, making him unable to concentrate on Gintaman . He sighed, annoyed, leaving the Jump on the desk and standing up reluctantly. “Coming!” He said, frustrated. 

He opened the door and immediately tried to close it again, but was stopped by Zura’s arm. “Gintoki! I have great news!” He exclaimed, ignoring completely the annoyed glare Gintoki sent him.  

“I don’t care. Leave me alone.” He growled, trying again to close the door on his face. 

Zura managed to push his way inside his house. 

“You will like this! You will never believe who I saw today! It’s a miracle!” He exclaimed enthusiastically.

“I don’t care who you saw. Leave me alone!” Gintoki shouted trying to push him out of the door, but if Zura was anything it was persistent.

“I saw none other than our dear Toshirou-san!” Zura exclaimed happily, making Gintoki stop and inadvertently allowing Zura to come fully inside his house and sit on his couch. “I was really surprised to see him. I tought he was dead after what you told us! It’s really a miracle. Though he seems to have gone astray, wearing those Bakufu dog’s uniforms. The Shinsengumi, an annoying bunch. Can’t believe Toshirou-san would stoop so low as to join them.” Zura shook his head in disappointment. “I will have to lead him to the correct path.”

“Leave Toshirou alone.” He muttered.

Zura raised an eyebrow. “Huh? What was that, Gintoki? I couldn’t hear you.”

Gintoki turned to glare at him, shaking from anger. “I said leave Toshirou alone!” He shouted. 

Zura’s eyes widened. “What?”

Gintoki turned away. “He has made his own life and he’s better now. Leave him alone.” 

“What? But-”

“Katsura.” He said, using the idiot’s actual name for once. “I don’t want to talk about it. Please let it go. Tos- Hijikata-kun,” he corrected himself, he was no longer Toshirou to him, “he does not need us anymore. Let him live his new life in peace. Please .”

“But what about yo-”

“Stop it. There is nothing between us anymore. We’re just strangers.” He said, trying to get his hands to stop shaking. “He doesn’t remember us.”

Zura gasped. “What? He did seem a little confused, but it has been years, he probably didn’t recognize us after we changed so much.”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. “No, he did forget us entirely.” He said. “There’s something I never told you…” he sighed, knowing he would have to explain it to him to get him to understand. “10 years ago, not long after- after the war ended.” He winced, remembering just exactly how it ended. “I stumbled upon the man who took him away the day he supposedly died. I tried to kill him, but he told me he had actually lied that day, that Toshirou never died.” He frowned, feeling the fury rise inside him again. “He led me to where Toshirou supposedly was and I saw him, but…” he clenched his fists. “But he didn’t remember me. He thought I was some creep molesting him.” He passed a hand through his hair, hating to remember that day. “That bastard told me he had actually experimented on To- Hijikata-kun and erased his memory of the last year. Making him forget about the war and about me…” 

“Oh…” Zura looked down at his hand with sadness in his eyes. “That kinda explains why he didn’t seem to remember me.”

Gintoki nodded. “Yes, so now that you know, please leave him alone. He doesn’t need us in his life anymore. He is better with the Shinsengumi. It’s where he belongs.” Gintoki said. “I have seen how loyal he is to his Commander. We shouldn’t get in the way of that relationship.”

“But, Gintoki!” Zura exclaimed, standing up. “Surely we can make him remember and he will realize those dogs are not worth his time.”

“Zura…” he growled.

“Zura janai, Katsura da.” Zura said. “But what about you?! I know you still love him! We can try to-”

“Katsura Kotarou!” Gintoki shouted, making Zura’s eyes widen. “I said leave. Him. Alone . Whatever happened between us no longer matters.”

“But-”

“No buts. Now leave. I don't want to talk about this again. And you better not bother him again or I swear I will kill you.” He threatened, pushing him out of the door. 

Zura was too shocked to avoid it and Gintoki was soon able to close the door on his shocked face. 

Gintoki sighed, leaning against the door. Fuck, he needed a drink. Tos- Hijikata better not be at his favorite place again, he needed to not see him for a while.

“Now, listen here.” Katsura said to the rest of the Jouis patriots under him. “Do you know this man?” He held a photo of Toshirou.

All of them nodded. “That’s Hijikata Toshirou. The Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi.” One of the men said. “He is well known to be fearsome and violent. He is responsible for most of the imprisonments of our men.”

“Yeah, we have to get rid of him. He is also known as the mind of the Shinsengumi.” Another said. “If we get rid of him then we get rid of the Shinsengumi.”

“No one is getting rid of anyone!” Katsura shouted, gaining the surprised stares of the men. “Toshirou-san is a dear friend of mine and no one is to bring any harm to him.”

The men mouths’ hung open. “What?!” They exclaimed in unison. 

Katsura nodded. “We share a past and he suffered an accident making him unable to remember our friendship, but I know he will eventually do and we have to open him with wide arms. I’m sure when he comes to his senses he will be a great help to our cause.” 

“Bu- but, Katsura-san, Hijikata is against any Joui. I don’t think he would ever come to this side. He will just perjudicate us.” A man said.

“Nonsense! Toshirou-san is a patriot at heart. I know this! And no one is allowed to harm him in any way! That’s an order.” He said.

The men didn’t look too happy with this but they eventually agreed. Katsura felt confident in his plans, if everyone helped then they could get Toshirou to regain his memories and come to the rightful path. And they could go back to their old friendship and Gintoki and him could get back together and that sadness in Gintoki’s eyes would leave. 

He will make Toshirou remember them one way or another. For Gintoki’s sake.

Chapter Text

Gintoki recognized her as soon as he was forcibly sat down on the table by Sougo. The pretty girl, now a beautiful woman, that was with To- Hijikata in Bushuu that day. The one he fell in love with after forgetting Gintoki’s existence. 

He learned that she was Sougo’s older sister and the kindest soul he has ever met. She seemed surprised when Sougo presented him as his friend, she probably knew of Sougo’s inability to have friends that are not terrorized by him. Even with her initial surprise at Gintoki showing up and being presented as Sougo's friend, she warmed up easily to him, making Gintoki quickly grow fond of her despite what she represented to him and his past relationship with Hijikata. 

Sougo made him spend the whole day with them, bribing him with parfaits, but all Gintoki could think was what was her relationship with Hijikata. Why hasn’t he seen her during all these months since he met Hijikata again? Were they still together? Did she love him too?

He couldn’t ask her. And he didn’t even know what he would want to hear.

It didn’t help that the topic of Hijikata never came up. Or at least it didn’t until Sougo and him accompanied Mitsuba to her fiancé’s place. He was actually surprised to learn she had a fiancé and that it was not Hijikata, but it only brought him more questions than answers. Did something happen between them? Did they break up? Does Hijikata still love her? Does she?

“All right, Aneue. I’ll say goodbye here. Please go on in.” Sougo said, the three of them standing outside the fiancé’s mansion. 

She nodded and walked to the door before stopping. “Oh, Sou-chan.” She said turning around instead of getting inside. “How is… he?” She asked with an expectant look.

Sougo’s face turned sour and Gintoki instantly knew who she was talking about. “I won’t let you see that bastard.” He said, not looking at her. “He left this morning on a job without saying anything.” He said, starting to walk away, clearly pissed with this not-so-mysterious person. Someone so focused on work could only mean one person. “He’s a cold-hearted bastard.” He said, leaving them alone in front of the door. 

Gintoki saw him leave, eyebrows raised. He knows Sougo is not particularly fond of Hijikata, but he has never heard him talk about him with such venom in his voice. 

Mitsuba watched Sougo go, clear sorrow on her face. However, her frown soon turned into a sad smile. “Work comes first, as usual, it seems.” She muttered, pretty much confirming Gintoki’s suspicions. 

“He gets me mixed up in this and then just up and leaves.” Gintoki complained, a little uncomfortable for having to see this. Especially knowing who they were talking about.

Mitsuba turned to him.  

“Forgive him. He’s a selfish child.” She said, making him barely able to hold back a snort. “It’s my fault. We lost our parents when he was very young, so in order to keep him from feeling lonely, I spoiled him while raising him. He’s selfish, bull-headed and hates to lose. That’s why he was always a loner even back then. He didn’t have a single friend. If he hadn’t met Kondo-san, who knows how he might’ve turned out. Even now, I’m a bit anxious. Is he doing okay? You’re not really his friend, are you?” She asked with a sad smile.

Gintoki winced, realizing she had probably known the whole time he was faking. “Is he doing okay? How could he be?” He said sarcastically, a little irritated by the whole ordeal. He took the Chopper hat off. “He skips work, he’s awakened his sadistic side, he’s committed scandal, and he’s awakened his sadistic side…” How dare the sadistic bastard be even more of a sadist than him ? “He’s no good. That shitty brat…” He said honestly, he had already lied to her a lot today and she deserved the truth. “What kind of education did you give him? He needs to choose his friends. If he hangs around people like me, nothing good is going to happen.”

Mitsuba chuckled, looking more happy than before. “You’re a funny man, but…” Gintoki looked at her. “No wonder he likes you. You’re sort of similar.”

“Huh? Similar?” He asked, confused. Sure, they both were Sadists, but they were not that similar, right?

A bright light came from the side of the street as a police car stopped in front of them and from it a familiar figure appeared. “Oi!” A familiar voice said as Mitsuba turned to look too. “What’re you people doing here?” Hijikata asked and Mitsuba gasped. Gintoki frowned, wishing he could be anywhere else but here. “This mansion-” Hijikata stopped, his eyes widened as he stared at Mitsuba. 

For a couple of seconds, they were in a tense silence where Gintoki feared either of them would declare their love for each other in front of him, until Mitsuba spoke. “To-Toshirou-sa-” Before she could finish, she got a coughing fit making her collapse. Hijikata extended his arms, as if trying to catch her, but he was too late and stayed paralized in his place. 

“Oi!” Gintoki ran to her, kneeling by her side. “Get a hold of yourself. Oi!”

All the ruckus allerted the servants inside the mansion, they allowed them to enter and put Mitsuba in a room to let her rest.

As he tried to ignore Yamazaki talking about her deteriorating health, he watched from the corner of his eyes at Hijikata who was smoking. The face he was once able to read easily now was more closed off, but Gintoki could still see the worry and guilt behind his eyes. He wondered what was with both their reactions at meeting each other outside. What happened between them? The last ime he had seen them together they were so clearly in love with each other. 

Gintoki tried to get a reaction out of Hijikata, for what, he wasn’t sure. To get some answers? Just to mess with the man as he had taken to doing lately? He wasn’t sure. He just wanted, needed , to get a reaction other than that face from Toshirou.

Unlike their usual interactions, Hijikata didn’t rise to the bait. The most he got was an irritated ‘ None of you business ’ and an angry scowl. Though, for a moment, that pained face was gone as Hijikata complained about him and Yamazaki, and Gintoki was glad, but then Mitsuba’s sketchy fiancé came up and Hijikata’s face looked sour again.

Sougo showed up soon after and Gintoki was surprised to see him interact with Hijikata. He had never seen the young sadist so angry at Hijikata, nor look at him with so much hate. Just like how he had never seen Hijikata leave as soon as Sougo told him to get lost instead of fighting with him. 

Something happened between Hijikata and Mitsuba, he was sure of it, but he had no way of knowing what. 

He couldn’t sleep particularly well that night, thinking about them and their relationship, whatever it was. A small part of Gintoki still thinks they both still love each other by the way they looked at each other back at the front entrance of Mitsuba’s fiancé. And his heart is not particularly pleased by that, despite how many times Gintoki has tried to make his heart forget about who was once the person he loved the most. 

He showed up to Mitsuba’s hospital room the next day with a bag of Spicy Crackers that she loved. He soon noticed Yamazaki spying on them and forced him to tell him what was going on. Apparently Mitsuba’s fiancé was actually a criminal that he and Hijikata were investigating, but wanted to keep under wraps so as to not perjudicate either Mitsuba or Sougo for their relationship with the man. 

From what Yamazaki told him, Hijikata still clearly cared about her and Gintoki didn’t know what to do with this information. He couldn’t even get angry at her for holding Hijikata’s heart that he once had held. She was too nice to hate. And Hijikata deserved someone as lovable as her. If only she wasn’t engaged and on the verge of death, they would have made a cute couple. The relationship Hijikata always deserved, not one with a broken idiot with no purpose in life. 

Even if it hurt to think about both of them together and seeing her reminded him of Hijikata's love for her, he still went to see her to the hospital the next day as she had insisted. 

She was happily munching on Spicy Crackers as he ate some of the fruits someone had gifted her when she turned to him, a curious look on her face. “So… how long have you known Toshirou-san?” She asked.

Gintoki almost choked on the apple he was eating at her sudden question. “Ah, not for long.” He lied. “I met him at the beginning of the year after he almost stabbed me.”

She giggled. “I didn’t mean that.” She said, making him raise an eyebrow. “I mean when was the first time you met him? Before you saw him in Bushuu that one time, I mean.”

Now Gintoki choked with his own saliva. “Wh-what are you talking about?!” He exclaimed, voice hoarse from choking. “I have never been to Bushuu! What even is Bushuu? Can you eat it?” He laughed awkwardly.

She giggled. “You don’t have to lie to me, Sakata-san.” She said. “I know you’re the same guy who hugged Toshirou-san out of nowhere that day ten years ago.”

He looked at her in panic. “I wasn’t! I would never hug that bastard!” He lied again.

“Sakata-san, your hair and eyes are pretty distinctive.”

Gintoki cursed his awesome protagonist looks. “Well, okay, maybe I was, but that doesn’t mean anything. I just confused him for someone else.”

Mitsuba raised an eyebrow, not looking convinced. “Who?”

“Umm, my ex-girlfriend?” He muttered, unsure, being the first thing to come to his mind.

Her eyes widened. “Sakata-san, was Toshirou-san your boyfriend?” 

Gintoki’s eyes blew wide open. “I never said that! I just told you he reminded me of my ex- girl friend! As in a woman!” He yelled. “Did you ever see him from behind back when he had long hair? He looked so feminine.” And hot. “I just thought he looked like her from the back.”

She shook her head, a slightly amused look on her face. “You can’t lie to me. I saw your face that day, Sakata-san. I know Toshirou-san was actually the person you were looking for.” She said calmly. “I don’t know why Toshirou didn’t seem to know you while you were clearly shaken at not being recognized by him.”

Gintoki looked away, knowing she was right. “That doesn’t matter.” He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. “That’s in the past.”

“What happened? How did you meet? Were you boyfriends?” She asked. 

“Were you ?” He snapped back at her and winced immediately after with guilt. 

Her face turned sad. “We were never an actual couple if that’s what you wanted to know.” She said. “But I did have feelings for him, and I’m pretty sure he did too. But that was a long time ago.”

Gintoki sighed, half relieved, half guilty about bringing it up. “It’s none of my business anyway…”

“If he’s important to you, you deserve the truth.” Mitsuba said. 

Gintoki shook his head, mouth dry, feeling like he was intruding in Hijikata’s life when he was no longer part of it. “I should go.” He said, standing up only to be stopped by Mitsuba’s hand on his. He turned back to her, she had a soft smile. 

“You should tell him.” She said, making him frown. “How you feel.”

“It’s not that easy.” Gintoki said. “He doesn’t remember me.”

She frowned. “Why? Why doesn’t he remember you? What happened? Did he have an accident?” She asked, voice worried. “He seemed fine when we met, if a little roughen up from the little fights he used to get into.” 

Gintoki smiles a little, imagining younger Hijikata, hair still long, picking fights with anyone who crossed his path. “Something like that…” he said finally. At her expectant look he sighed. “I fought in the Joui war.” He said, gaining a confused frown from her. “He did too.” 

She gasped. “Toshirou-san did?” She asked, a mix of confusion and intrigue in her voice and eyes. 

Gintoki snorted. “Yeah, he did. Looking at him now you would never be able to tell being a Bakufu dog and all that, but he once was a Joui himself. He just doesn’t remember.” He sat down again, looking at his hands. “During a battle…” He gulped down, hating to remember that day. “We were overwhelmed by the enemy and he felt unconscious, I thought he was dead at the time.” He clenched his fists. “He was taken by some Amanto and a man. I don’t know what happened after that, but months later I met the bastard that took him. He took me to Bushuu where To-Hijikata was. That’s when you saw me that time.” He briefly looked at her before staring at his hands again. She was listently attentively, making Gintoki a little nervous. “He didn’t remember me by then. When I asked that bastard later he told me he had experimented on him.” He sneered. “He erased his memories from the 7 months he was in war and all the time he had known me. He didn’t remember being in the war nor me.” He finished, feeling tired all of sudden.

Mitsuba looked at him with sorrow. “That’s terrible. I hope that bastard burns in hell.”

Gintoki laughed, surprised by her comment. Guess she was actually Sougo’s sister. No one could be a relative of that sadist and not do some things. “Yeah, he sure is! I made sure of it!” He smiled smugly and she laughed too.

“While I don’t normally condone murder I think this time it was deserved.” She smiled conspiratorially. “But don’t tell anyone.” She winked.

He laughed. “Don’t worry. I wont!”

There was a pause. “You should tell him.” She said again. “You should tell him everything. About his past and about your feelings.”

Tha laughter left Gintoki in an instant. “No.” He shook his head, shoulders tense. “He’s better this way. Doesn’t have to know about his Joui phase being the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi.” He looked away, face sour. “He loves you , anyway…” he tried to hold back the sourness in his voice but was unsuccessful. “I know it.”

Mitsuba smiled sadly. “Maybe he did once upon a time, but I know his love for me could never compare to his love for you.” Gintoki turned to her, an eyebrow raised. “I always noticed the way he would sometimes stare into the horizon, as if waiting for someone to come back.” She looked wistfully at the window. “I always had the feeling that he had someone else in his life, but I never understood it until now.” She turned to him with a wide smile. “I realize now that he always waited for you to come back even if he didn’t remember. His mind may have forgotten you, Sakata-san, but his heart didn’t.”

Gintoki shook his head, feeling a lump on his throat. “He doesn’t. He doesn’t even like me a little bit. That time he called me a creep from that hug and now he hates seeing me.”

She shrugged. “I don’t think he hates you.” She said and Gintoki wanted to argue with her, but she continued. “And that time it was a little sudden the way you appeared and since he couldn’t remember you it sure came as a shock. That’s why he reacted like that.” Gintoki frowned, but let her continue. “But I always thought that meeting meant something else. I could see your face and noticed there was something else going on with you. I knew you had not confused him for someone else, I knew you were sure he was the person you were looking for. And I also noticed the way that meeting shook Toshirou-san for weeks. And I'm sure he never forgot you after that, even if he did not know who you were.”

“How can you even know that?” He asked.

“I just know, Sakata-san. Toshirou-san is easier to read than you would think. I’m sure you know this as well.” She smiled and Gintoki tried to smile too, but it came more like a grimace. She was right, Toshirou is, or used to be easy to read. “He would sometimes look twice when he noticed someone with silver or messy hair, or both. He always seemed to be looking for you even if he never realized.” Gintoki’s eyes widened at this revelation. “Please talk to him. I would like for Toshirou-san to be happy like he deserves to be. And you too, Sakata-san. You two belong together. I can see it so clearly.”

“But-”

“Please.” She interrupted. “I know I don't have much time. Please promise me you will someday explain everything to him. He deserves to know about his past after all.”

Gintoki grimaced. “That’s blackmail. Emotional blackmail.” He complained. She continued to stare at him with pleading eyes. He sighed. “Fine, I guess you’re right. Kinda…” he muttered. “But,” he winced, “I’m not sure I’m- we are ready for that talk. He would never believe it. We’re not that close. He would think it’s some kind of joke. It’s not like I have proof or anything.”

She sighed. “You may be right and that’s fine. It doesn’t have to be right now. Just promise me you will tell him someday.”

Gintoki sighed. “Fine, I will. Someday…”

She smiled kindly. “Thank you, Sakata-san. I hope both of you can be happy.”

He looked away, unable to look at her. How was it fair for him to be with Hijikata when she couldn’t? When she deserved him more than him?

“Anyway…” she said, seeing his discomfort. “What were you talking with Yamazaki-san yesterday?” 

Gintoki could barely give her a half assed lie about his talk with Yamazaki before she started coughing blood and she had to be taken into intensive care. 

“Please, Sakata-san…” She muttered between coughs as she was taken away. 

That was the last thing she told him and by sunrise he was eating Spicy Crackers, her favorite, on the same roof as Hijikata, who was crying as he ate the same crackers she loved. 

How could he even tell him?

Chapter Text

He doesn’t say anything relating to the past to Hijikata the next time he sees them after that day on the hospital roof. Nor the time after that. A part of Gintoki feels so guilty of not fulfilling a promise he made to a dead woman, but he did say he wouldn’t do it yet. For a moment there, he thought he had been too late when Tosshi took over Hijikata’s body, but he eventually came back. It didn’t stop him from prolonging the talk, but now with the anxiety of someday being too late to do so. 

Weeks passed, and then months, and his relationship with Hijikata was pretty much on the same stage as it has been for a while. After he helped him during the whole Shinsengumi Crisis Arc, Hijikata seemed to start trusting him a little bit more. However, it didn’t stop him from still disliking Gintoki. He never looked too happy whenever they locked eyes on the street, and more often than not, he would turn around and do the best to ignore him. The other times he would just go along with Gintoki’s bickering and pick a fight with him. Those were his favorite times. There was something so exhilarating about seeing Hijikata lose his temper and for a moment he would go back to those days when Toshirou would snap at him about the last mess he made in their tent. 

So they were stuck in that zone where they weren’t friends, but they weren’t enemies and they were not just acquaintances either. The best way to describe their relationship was complicated as cliche as it sounded. What other way to describe this thing going on between them?

No, they weren’t close yet. Not enough for Hijikata to believe him if he told him he was once actually a Joui and they dated for months before his memory was erased.

But there were moments, when he sat besides Hijikata at their favorite izakaya, drinking together in a companionable silence, where Gintoki got the feeling he could tell him everything. But there was always a reason not to say anything. Either one of them passed out before he could utter anything or they would start fighting over something random, or someone else would interrupt their brief moment of companionship. It almost seemed like the universe was intent on making this hard for him, maybe it was a sign to keep quiet, at least for the time being. 

It doesn’t help that the idiot of Zura has been making things worse. The idiot didn’t listen to him and has been trying for months to reclute Hijikata into the Jouis despite Hijikata being very clearly against anythig relating to him or the Jouis. At least he hasn’t gotten Gintoki into that mess, he would probably already be in jail if he had. 

But that just means if he goes and tells him everything he would probably think he was conspiring with Zura to convert him to the rebel side or some shit like that. Which he doesn’t, he actually thinks the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander position is quite fitting for him. He was always too responsible to be a Joui. But Hijikata would not see it like that, he would instantly try to arrest Gintoki for conspiring with Jouis. 

So he’s stuck. His promise will just have to wait a little longer. At least until Hijikata doesn’t dislike him so much. But he doesn’t even know how to go about that without letting his feelings get in the way. All he can do is tease him and pick fights with him as he hides his longing behind a mask of indifference. 

At the very least, he thinks he has been doing a good job at hiding his feelings for Hijikata. No one seems to know anything (not counting Zura who already knew) and he was glad about that. As the cool and handsome protagonist he is, he shouldn’t be known as the guy who had an unrequited crush on the Demon Vice-Commander. That would be too embarrassing.

“Shinpachi,” Kagura mumbled, leaning in next to his ear, “he is doing that face again.” She whispered.

Shinpachi turned to look at Gin-san, feet on his desk and hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling in silence. Face seemingly blank, but with a slightly troubled look on it that he was only able to identify from all the time he has known him. 

“He is.” He sighed.

“He must be thinking of Toshi again.” She shook his head. “Gin-chan, so stupid. Doesn’t have the balls to confess. So much for a ‘cool’ protagonist.” She snickered.

His mouth twitched. “Don’t be mean, Kagura.” He said, trying not to snort. “We may be wrong about that.”

Kagura shook her head. “You have seen how he looks at Toshi when he thinks no one’s looking, yes?” She said and Shinpachi could not deny that. “If Ladies 4 has taught me anything is what an idiot’s face looks like when they are in love.”

Shinpachi snorted this time, unable to hold it back. “You shouldn’t base your love experience on a TV drama.” He said, amused. “But I guess you're right. He doesn’t always hide it well. I’m surprised no one else has noticed.”

Kagura shook her head. “Zura knows.” She said. “Isn’t that why he’s always trying to get Toshi to join him?”

Shinpachi furrowed his eyebrows. “Maybe… I never thought about that. I just tought it was because Hijikata-san is a good fighter.” 

She shrugged. “He doesn’t try to reclute every random character that fights well. Just Toshi.”

“I guess…”

“If it was just for Toshi’s skill, Zura would try to reclute others like the Gorilla or the rabid Chihuahua.” Kagura continued. “Or Tsuki! Maybe even the bad guys like my stupid brother and the idiot that was with him!”

Shinpachi winced, remembering everything that happened the week before in Yoshirwara. “Yeah, they’re strong too. Maybe it really isn’t about strength.”

Kagura nodded, but her face turned unusually serious. “About that…” she started. “I want to get stronger. I don’t want to lose to Kamui ever again.”

He nodded. “I understand. I have also been trying to practice on my own lately. I don’t want to have to be saved again.” 

“We should ask Gin-chan to teach us. He is strong, yes?” Kagura said. “That’s why he’s the protagonist, yes?”

Shinpachi nodded. “He is. If he trains us we could get stronger.” He said, feeling the determination inside him rising. 

“We should ask him!” She stood up, determined. Gin-san didn’t react to her outburst and continued to stare at the ceiling. Shinpachi hoped he wasn’t too preoccupied with whatever was on his mind to even listen to them. 

Both him and Kagura stood in front of Gin-san’s desk. “Gin-san.” He called, finally gaining his attention. Face turned to fake disinterest to actual disinterest in a split second. 

“We…” Kagura started, face and voice determined. 

“... want to be stronger.” He finished, equally determined.

“Huh? Then do it.” Gin-san drawled, completely uninterested in this. “Good luck.”

Shinpachi felt annoyed. “That’s all you have to say?” He mumbled, annoyed. “Were you actually not listening to us this whole time? I mean... we had this serious conversation and all.” He said awkwardly. “Building up to a whole training arc thing after running into enemies stronger than anything we’ve seen…” Gin-san's face remained the same, completely and honestly desinterested. 

“What training arc?” He asked. “That’s what you guys are about to start? Sounds rough.”

“No, not that.” Shinpachi said, nervous. Why was it so hard to get what they wanted? “Isn’t there some kind of special training… you know? That you can teach us…?” He looked at Kagura for back up. 

“That’s right!” She exclaimed. “You need to do some training too, Gin-chan. We got lots of tough enemies coming up.”

Both turned serious again. “We…” Kagura started, face and voice determined. Again.

“... want to be stronger.” He finished, equally determined. Again.

3 months later…

“Man, that was some tough training.” Gin-san yawned. 

“3 months haven’t passed!” Shinpachi exclaimed, annoyed as Gin-san picked his nose. “Only a couple of sentences! You can’t take over the narration just to skip on this!” He berated him. 

Gin-san ignored him. “It’s good to be home.”

“Why does your narration make it sound like you’ve been training?”

“Don’t worry. The flow of time here and there is different. A month over there isn’t even a second over here.” Gin-san leaned again into his chair, staring now at the window. 

“Where is over there?!” He asked, irritated. “You’re making no sense at all!” 

“What’s wrong with that? Let’s just say we got it over with. It’s such a pain.” He complained. “I don’t wanna do any training. It’s such a pain!”

Gin-san continued to complain and refuse to train even after all Kagura and he did to try to get him to agree.

Aneue, Hasegawa and Katsura showed up, all of them attempting to train them in ridiculous ways. Gin-san finally stood up when Katsura made Kagura and him wear heavy turtle shells on their back as a way of training. 

“Oi, Zura.” Gin-san says behind Katsura and hits him in the head. “You’re totally wrong. You’re the fool.”

“Huh?” Katsura says, holding his head. “This wasn’t how it went?” He asked.

“It wasn’t!” Gin-san exclaimed.

Katsura’s face turned thoughtful. “Right, it was more like that time you trained To-” Gin-san hitted him again, this time harder, shutting him up.

“No, I meant that instead of turtle shells you have to carry fitness instructors.” He says as two very buff fitness instructors appeared out of nowhere. 

After that, Shinpachi and Kagura finally got tired of these bunch of idiots and left to train on their own, determined to get stronger on their own. 

It was not long after their training began, not too far from Yorozuya that Katsura came up to them. 

“Leader, Shinpachi-kun.” He said, making them turn to him. “It was good seeing you, I must leave now. Good luck in your training.”

“Wait, Zura!” Kagura exclaimed. 

“Zura janai, Katsura da.”

“I just remembered. Didn’t you mention that Gin-san trained someone before?” She asked, leaning closer to the man wanting to hear some gossip.

Shinpachi’s eyes widened. He heard that too, but didn’t think too much about it at the time, too preoccupied with the ridiculousness of the adults' training methods. “That’s right. You did say something like that, Katsura-san.”

Katsura nodded. “Yes, Gintoki had an apprentice during the war. He was quite the prodigy.” He looked at the horizon with a wistful look. “Though, he never got to finish his training, but I wonder how he would be if he had done so.”

Shinpachi winced. “Did he… die?” He asked.

Katsura shook his head. “No.” He stopped, furrowing his eyebrows. “Well, kind of…?” He sounded confused. “In a way he did.”

“What does that even mean?!” Shinpachi exclaimed exasperated. 

Katsura's face turned wistful and Shinpachi could already tell he was going to start with another of his really long stories. “Once upon a time…”

“Why does this feel like the start of a fairy tail?!” He exclaimed again, irritated.

“Shut up, Megane.” Kagura said, eating popcorn. “I actually want to hear this.”

“And where did you even get popcorn from?!” He was sure she didn’t have anything a second ago.

She shrugged. “Popcorn is the perfect snack to hear stories, yes?”

Katsura cleared his throat, gaining both their attention again. “As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted…” he glared at them. “During the war, Gintoki found a young boy, less than a year younger than us, but far less inexperienced in the way of the samurai.” He started. Kagura put a handful of popcorn inside her mouth, munching on it loudly. “Gintoki saw something in him from the start and decided to train him.”

Kagura raised an eyebrow. “Really? Gin-chan?” She asked, mouth still filled with popcorn.

Katsura nodded. “That boy turned out to be very good at learning and quickly became a very skilled samurai under Gintoki’s lessons.”

“Gin-san was a good teacher?” Shinpachi asked, baffled. 

“He was, surprisingly.” Katsura nodded. “Even I was surprised by this. Everyone else was equally amazed about his determination in teaching him and the boy’s fast learning skills.”

Kagura swallowed the popcorn she had on her mouth. “Then what happened? Why doesn’t Gin-chan want to teach us too?” She asked.

Katsura sighed, looking back at the horizon wistfully again. “Many things happened…”

“Just get to the point!!!” Kagura and him shouted in unison.

“They fell in love.” Katsura continued looking back at them, his eyes sad.

Shinpachi and Kagura gasped. “ What ?!” Both their mouths hanging open.

Katsura nodded wistfully. “They were a very cute couple, everyone agreed. Even Takasugi thought they were meant to be together despite all the teasing he did. He confessed it to me one time when he got too drunk.” Katsura’s lip twitched, forming a small smile. “I always knew he had a romantic heart deep down. I teased him about that for a whole month.”

Shinpachi shook his head, trying to regain his thoughts. “But, Katsura-san, what does that have to do with anything? Why does Gin-san falling in love years ago mean he won’t train us?” He asked. 

“Well…” Katsura sighed. “Gintoki had gotten pretty close to him, but then the incident happened.”

“Incident?” Shinpachi asked.

Katsura nodded, face sour. “The boy was taken by a Bakufu dog and Amantos after a battle and Gintoki was unable to save him on time. We were led to believe he was dead.”

“Oh…” Kagura and Shinpachi mumbled, feeling sad for Gin-san. That must have been hard for him. 

“We also lost the war soon after. And since then Gintoki refused to teach anyone.” Katsura finished. 

Shinpachi sighed, feeling like they just heard a story they shouldn’t have. 

“Poor Gin-chan.” Kagura mumbled, staring at her now empty bag of popcorn forlornly. 

Shinpachi sighed. “I guess that kinda explains his reluctance since it brings back bad memories, but… poor Gin-san. Losing his lover like that. He must feel responsible for his death.” He mumbled. 

“Oh, he’s not dead!” Katsura exclaimed, now smiling widely. “I just saw him the other day!”

“ What ?!” Both exclaimed again.

Katsura nodded. “Yeah, I’m surprised you guys don’t know about him. Gintoki never shuts up about him when he drinks. It seems he has not forgotten him yet. I have tried to convince him to try to win him back but he says he is better off without him. The idiot.” He snorted, shaking his head. 

“Wait, so he’s in Edo too?” He asked. “Who could it be? It has to be someone we know, right? Who does Gin-san always mention when drunk?” He wondered, maybe they could help.

Kagura rolled her eyes. “Gin-chan only talks about Toshi when he’s drunk. It’s pretty annoying.” 

“What? Hijikata-san?” Shinpachi asks, but she’s right. He would always come back complaining about him after going out for drinks. 

Katsura nodded. “Yes, Toshirou-san claims to not remember our good old days together, but I still see the determined boy who used to follow Gintoki around within him.” He smiled. “One day I will get him to join our cause again.” He said determined.

It took them a full minute to react this time. “ What ?!!!!” Both shouted. 

“Hijikata-san?!!” Shinpachi asked, baffled. 

Katsura shrugged. “Gintoki says he was informed a few months after the war by the Bakufu dog that took Toshirou-san that he had wiped his memories so he didn’t remember the war nor any of us.” Katsura explained. “But I’m sure deep down he must remember the proper path of a samurai so I have been trying to get him back to the rightful way.”

“Wait, wait.” Shinpachi said, shaking his head in an effort to clear it so he could understand this better. “Are you saying that not only you met Hijikata-san during the war over a decade ago, but that Gin-san trained him and fell in love with him only for Hijikata-san to forget everything?” He asked, completely baffled. 

Katsura nodded. “Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.”

“So Gin-chan has been pining for Toshi for years?” Kagura asked. “And he still hasn’t made a move? Lame .” She snorted. 

“Well, Hijikata-san and Gintoki were in a relationship before he lost his memories.” Katsura said.

“ What ?!” This time it was only Shinpachi the one surpised. 

Kagura was now looking disinterested and picking her nose. “So Gin-chan is too afraid to make a move on his ex? Lame .” She repeated. 

“Kagura, it’s far more complicated than that.” Shinpachi muttered. “I guess it does kinda explain why he always gets in a mood when he sees Hijiakata-san. I was afraid he was already turned down by him, but this is probably more complex.” He sighed.

“It is.” Katusra said. “But I’m sure they will find the way back to each other. They were always fated to meet.” Elizabeth appeared next to him. “Oh, Elizabeth. Is it time?” Elizabeth stared at him without answering. “Right, Leader, Shinpachi-kun.” He turned to them. “I must leave. Good luck on your training.”

They watched them go.

“So… are we playing matchmaker?” Kagura asked, still picking her nose. 

“We could…” Shinpachi said. “As long as you promise not to cause any more damage to their relationship.” He glared at her.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. As if I would ever.” She said. “When we get them back together, Toshi can be my new mami and he will buy us stuff with his tax thief money, yes?” She said, now more excited at the prospect of free food.

Shinpachi sighed, already regretting this. “I hope this doesn’t turn out bad.” He mumbled.

Chapter Text

Toshirou was patrolling around Kabukichou when he stumbled upon the yorozuya trio. On a normal day, he would instantly turn around and go as far away as he could from the chaotic trio of idiots, but he didn’t particularly feel like it today. He was in a good mood today and he was sure he could handle them. 

China was the first one to notice him, and to his unease, she smiled widely. She would usually glare at him, much like her sorry excuse as a father figure, and complain about him being a Tax Thief and whatnot, probably learned from Yorozuya himself. Though, since the Tosshi incident she has been more at ease around him and would sometimes demand him to buy her a pack of sokunbu. Toshirou would complain, but he would ultimately buy her her favorite snack, a small part of himself admitting he had a soft spot for the girl. He could admit he admired her strength and determination to put Sougo down a few pegs. 

However, the bright smile she was displaying now was not her usual one, this one called for trouble. He was tempted to turn around and leave while he still could, but it was already too late, she was already waving him over. 

“Toshi!” She exclaimed enthusiastically. He sighed and went towards her, noticing the way Yorozuya tensed for a second before he turned around too and stared at him with his usual dead fish eyes. Glasses, on the other hand, smiled at him kindly. 

“Hello, Hijikata-san.” Glasses nodded at him.

Toshirou nodded too. “Hey.” He said. “You three are not getting in any trouble, are you?” He raised an eyebrow. One could never be sure with these three. 

“Of course not, Toshi!” China exclaimed in a way that made him seriously doubt that affirmation.

Yorozuya snorted. “We are upstanding citizens, Mayo Freak.” He crossed his arms. “The one that is causing trouble around here is you.” He glared at him. “Polluting the air with your toxic fumes.” He sneered looking at the cigarette around Toshirou’s lips.

He frowned, just as Glasses elbowed Yorozuya on the ribs hard enough for him to wince. “Don’t be mean, Gin-san.” He said looking at his boss in disappointment. 

“Yeah, Gin-chan. How do you want to win him over if you’re mean?” China said.

Yorozuya frowned. “What are you talking about?” He asked, confused. 

“Oi, what do you mean by that, China? I was right, wasn’t I? You three are planning something.” Toshirou frowned. “Why do you need to win me over? Are you doing some illegal shit?”

Glasses looked at them nervously. “Ah, don’t mind her, sh-she doesn’t know what she’s saying.” He stuttered. 

China pouted. “You’re both idiots.”

“Kagura!!” Glasses exclaimed. “Ah, I’m sorry, Hijikata-san!” He bowed at him. 

“It’s fine. I already know I shouldn’t trust anything you lot say.” Toshirou rolled his eyes, but noticed Yorozuya wince. “Anyway, if you’re not getting up to trouble then I’m leaving.” He turned around. “Don’t break any laws.”

“Wait, Toshi!” China exclaimed. “I wanted to talk to you!” She shouted. 

He turned back around. Glasses was looking at her with some nervousness while Yorozuya was confused. “What is it?” He asked,

“Have lunch with us!” She demanded. 

Toshirou raised an eyebrow as Yorozuya’s eyes widened and Glasses sighed in what looked like relief. “Why?” He asked dubiously. “You just want to freeload of my pay again, don’t you?”

China gasped in fake offence. “I would never!” She yelled. “I just wanted to spend some time with my favorite tax thief, yes? Toshi, you’re so mean to me.” She faked a whine. 

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Fine, whatever.” He said, looking at his watch. “I was just about to have my break, anyway.” He grumbled.

“Yay!” She cheered enthusiastically. “C’mon, Toshi. I’m hungry!” She took his hand and dragged him towards the nearest restaurant. 

Toshirou let himself be dragged by the girl as Glasses and Yorozuya followed silently. China, in her enthusiasm, shoved him into the booth and then shoved Yorozuya next to him before she went to sit on the other side. Toshirou didn’t particularly mind her forcefulness and being practically manhandled by her into the seat, but he would have preferred to not sit next to the window. Here it was more of a pain to stand up if he wanted to go to the bathroom or leave the place. And he had to make Yorozuya move too. It was also not convenient in case of a sudden attack, but he hoped nothing of the sort would happen while they were just having lunch. Though, you could never know with this troublesome trio.

They ordered quickly and then waited for the food to arrive. “I’m glad you accepted having lunch with us, Hijikata-san.” Glasses said sitting in front of him.

“I was about to have lunch anyway.” Toshirou shrugged, accidentally bumping his shoulder with Yorozuya’s, who was sitting beside him on this side of the table. 

“Yeah, Oogushi-kun.” Yorozuya smirked at him as he leaned into his hand. “Nice of you to get that stick out of your ass for once and have a meal with poor peasants like us.”

Toshirou glared at him. “Shut up, bastard. And who are you calling Oogushi?” He growled. 

“You, of co- Ouch!!” He winced in pain. “Who the fuck kicked me?!” He glared at the three of them. 

“Not me.” China shrugged, sticking her finger up her nose. 

“I know you did it, you little monster! Your kicks hurt like hell!” Yorozuya shouted. 

China glared at him. “It wasn’t me.” She said, and even Toshirou could tell she was lying. “Toshi.” She turned to him with a pout. “Tell Gin-chan to not go around accusing me of stuff I didn’t do.” She said.

Toshirou sighed at having to play the mediator of these two. “Yorozuya, don’t call her a monster.” He said instead.

Yorozuya pouted too and crossed his arms. “Well, it’s not my fault she is! I have told her before not to kick me. She doesn’t know how to control her strength. She could have broken my leg. Again .”

“I didn’t kick you that hard!” China exclaimed.

“So you admit you kicked me!” Yorozuya yelled.

“You two, stop fighting.” Toshirou glared at both chastising. “China, don’t kick people, you have a lot of strength and sometimes that’s great, but you have to learn to control it.” He looked at her sternyly. 

She looked down in shame. “Okay, Toshi…” She mumbled chastisied. 

“And you.” He turned to glare at Yorozuya. “Don’t be so harsh with her. She is still young. If you weren’t such an irresponsible adult then she wouldn’t be kicking you.” 

Yozozuya’s pouted more. “You’re so mean, Hijikata-kun…”

Glasses chuckled. “It’s nice seeing these two get scolded.” He said amused. “But why did you even kick Gin-san, Kagura?”

She shrugged. “He was being mean to Toshi…” She mumbled, looking away. 

Toshirou’s eyes widened, surprised that the girl tried to defend him. “Oi, I was not being rude to him!” Yorozuya growled. 

Toshirou ignored him and looked at her fondly. “You didn’t have to kick him for that. I already know how much of an asshole he is.” He said as Yorozuya huffed.

She nodded. “Yes, but he needs to be nicer to you if we want you to keep you around and buy us more stuff.” Toshirou’s fond gaze shifted quickly into an annoyed one as Glasses facepalmed and Yorozuya slapped her in the back of her head.  

“Kagura!” Glasses exclaimed. “Ah, I’m sorry, Hijikata-san. We don’t just want your money, I swear!” He exclaimed nervously.

Toshirou sighed, his good mood already slipping away. “I’m never eating lunch with you again…” he murmured. 

Just then the waiter came back with their orders. “Oh, don’t be like that, Oogushi-kun~” Yorozuya drawled. “She's an idiot, but she actually likes you.” There was a pause. “For some reason.” He mumbled the last part. “She doesn’t just ask anyone to join us for lunch.”

She nodded, her mouth already full with her food. “Yeah, I like you Toshi!” She said. “I want you to become my new Earth mami and buy me more food!” She exclaimed.

Toshirou tensed just as he could feel Yorozuya do too. Glasses facepalmed again. “Earth ma-mami ?” He stuttered.

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah! Gin-chan is already my Earth papi so then you can become my Earth mami wit- Ouch!” She winced in pain. “Hey! Someone kicked me twice!”

Glasses looked away faking innocence as Yorozuya shrugged. “Maybe there is a kicking monster under the table kicking everyone.” He said, sounding desinterested. 

“There are no kicking monsters that live under the table, Gin-chan.” She glared. “Kicking monsters only live under the beds.”

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Why did I even decide to spend my break with these idiots?” He asked himself outloud.

China turned to him with a wide smile. “Because you love us, obviously!!” She exclaimed.

Toshirou snorted. “Yeah, right.” He said sarcastically.

China jumped in her seat enthusiastically. “You do?!!” She asked, stars in her eyes.

Toshirou’s eyes widened, realizing she hadn’t understood the sarcasm. “Wait, n-”

“You love us!! Toshi!! Then you can become part of the family now!! You can marry Gin-chan now! I will help plan the wedding! Do you want to wear a dress or do you prefer pants?! We can make Gin-chan wear the dress!” She rambled.

Toshirou choked, unable to answer her properly. Besides him, Yorozuya was not faring much better.

“Kagura!!” Glasses exclaimed, putting his hands on her shoulders. “He didn’t mean that.”

China raised an eyebrow. “He just admitted he loves us.”

Glasses sighed. “He was being sarcastic…” China pouted. “And even if he did, it doesn’t mean he would want to marry Gin-chan.” Glasses said.

China crossed her arms, pouting. “Why not? I mean, I know he is a lazy bum and an idiot, but Gin-chan is not so bad, yes?” She turned to Yorozuya who was calming down for his coughing fit. “Well, at least Toshi could do worse…” she sneered at him. 

“Oi, brat.” Yorozuya glared at her. “What nonsense are you saying? As if I would want a prick like him as a partner.” He sneered.

Toshirou frowned, his shock dissipating making way for the irritation. “As if I would want to be with a broke idiot like him.” He growled.

Yorozuya turned to glare at him. “As if I would want to be with a tax thief like you.”

Toshirou felt rage filling him. “As if I would want to be with an asshole like you.”

Yorozuya’s glare hardened. “As if I would want a Bakufu dog like you.” He said, voice filling with venom.

Toshirou finally snapped and kicked Yorozuya out of the booth. “I’m leaving.” He took his wallet and threw enough money on the table to pay for all of their meals and probably still had some spare change, he didn’t care. “I’m tired of seeing your stupid mug.” He bit back glaring at Yorozuya. He walked out, not caring for his unfinished meal. 

Just when he was feeling like they could get along.

“Gin-san, that was really uncalled for.” Shinpachi glared at the adult disapprovingly. 

Gintoki shrugged, but remained quiet. Eyes, for once, betraying what he was actually feeling. Regret. 

“Why did you have to be so mean to Toshi, Gin-chan?!!” Kagura yelled. “At least he paid for us.”

“It was your fault. You were the one asking stupid questions.” Gintoki growled. “Why did you even invite him to lunch? I thought you hated him.” Gintoki glared at his food. He was no longer hungry, but he wasn’t about to waste a nice meal that Hijikata paid for him.

“I don’t!” Kagura glared. “He is nice to us. He bought me sokunbu the other week.” She exclaimed. “And I wanted you to be closer to him so you could confess.”

Gintoki choked for the second time that day on his food. 

“Kagura!!” Shinpachi exclaimed nervously, stealing glances at him while he berated her. “You’re really getting out of hand!”

She pouted, crossing her arms. “It’s the truth. That’s what you also wanted, yes?”

“Ah, well.'' Shinpachi rubbed the back of his neck. “You still should have more tact, Kagura.”

Gintoki finally calmed down enough to talk. His throat was sore from all the coughing and choking. “What the fuck are you two talking about? Confess ?! Confess what?!!” He yelled. Kagura looked at him warily and Shinpachi shook his head, as if disapointed. “Oi, what does that look mean?!!”

“We know you love Toshi, Gin-chan! You don’t have to hide it anymore!” Kagura said. 

Gintoki winced. “ L-love? Of course I don’t love him !! What makes you think that?!!!” He exclaimed nervously.

Shinpachi sighed. “Gin-san…” he winced. “Katsura-san already told us everything.” He grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

Gintoki felt his breath being punched out of his gut instantly knowing what they meant. “H-he d-did?” He choked out.

Kagura nodded, now more calm, looking at him with something akin to sympathy. “I’m sorry, Gin-chan. It must be hard seeing him after all this time, yes?” She mumbled.

Gintoki sighed, slumping against the seat, all energy leaving him. “Fucking Zura.” He mumbled. “I told him to forget about that and not tell anyone.” He put an arm around his face, not really wanting the kids to see him right now. 

“Gin-san…” Shinpachi mumbled. 

Gintoki took a deep breath and stood up. “I’m no longer hungry. You guys can eat the rest. And make sure to pay before you leave.” He left, not looking at either of them once. 

He needed to be alone.

Shinpachi sighed, watching Gin-san leave. “I think we blew it up.” He said. “I was right. We shouldn't mess with them.”

Kagura pouted. “I just wanted to help.” She mumbled, staring at her remaining food with regret. “I hope Toshi doesn’t hate us now. I don’t want Gin-chan to be unhappy.” She sniffed. “I just wanted him to get Toshi back and be happy.”

Shinpachi patted her back. “I know, but it was probably too soon. They have been fighting for several chapters, they can’t just change overnight.” He reassured her. “Things like this have to go slower.”

She nodded. “Fine… I will make Toshi fall in love with him eventually.” She said, slightly more cheery as she took Gin-san and Hijikata-san’s unfinished meals. 

“I didn't mean that.” Shinpachi glared at her. “Don’t mess with their relationship. Just let them get together naturally.”

“You’re no fun, Megane.” She glared at him.

“Shut up!”

Gintoki wasn’t sure how many glasses of sake he had had, but he was already slurring his words. Despite his state of drunkenness, he immediately noticed when he went inside the izakaya. 

Hijikata and him stared at each other in shock for a full minute just before he turned around to leave.

“Wait!!” Gintoki shouted, voice slightly slurred from the alcohol. “Don’t leave because of me. You can stay, I was just leaving.” He said and tried to stand up, but he lost his balance, falling down on his seat again.

Hijikata sighed. “You can’t even stand.” He said. 

“I can!” He exclaimed. “Gin-san just stood up too quickly.” He mumbled.

He tried standing up again but he stumbled barely even a step later. Hijikata caught him before his face could hit the ground. 

“How much did you drink?” He asked, voice a little exasperated, but laced with a bit of worry.

Gintoki shrugged. “Not sure.” He admitted. 

Hijikata sighed again. “C’mon, I will help you get to your place in one piece.”

“I don’t live in One Piece , I live in Gintama .” He drawled.

Hijikata rolled his eyes, groaning. “That’s not what I meant, idiot.” He left some money on the counter. “You better pay me back for this, bastard.” He huffed, putting his arm around Gintoki.

Gintoki felt content in his embrace, letting the man pull him towards his place. “Why are you being so nice to me after I was an ass to you earlier, Hijikata-kun?”

Hijikata shrugged. “It’s my job to take care of the citizens of Edo.” He said, not looking at him. 

“But your shift is over, Officer-kun.” Gintoki raised an eyebrow.

To his surprise, Hijikata’s face turned red, eyes still looking away. “Do you want me to leave you in some random trash can or what?” He growled.

Gintoki shook his head. “No, I prefer this. Thanks, To-Hijikata-kun.” He almost slipped there. 

They remained quiet for a while. Gintoki couldn’t help remembering those times Toshirou would take care of him when he got drunk during the war.  

“Why were you even drinking so much?” Toshirou asked. 

Gintoki shrugged. “I was reminded by something of my past…” he mumbled.

Hijikata glanced at him. “I see…” 

Gintoki, thanks to all the alcohol in his veins, didn’t want to shut up yet. “Have you ever lost someone you loved?” He asked before he could stop himself.

Hijikata tensed. “What?” He asked, shocked by the sudden question.

Gintoki winced. “Oh, right, her .” He grimaced as he watched Hijikata’s face turn sorrowful. “Sorry, stupid question. Forget I asked.” He said, guilt coursing inside him.

“Did you?” Hijikata asked quietly. “Lost someone you loved?” 

Gintoki shrugged. “Not in the same way as you…” he sighed. “They are not dead, at least…” He glanced at the moon, unable to look at the man besides him.

There was an uncomfortable silence. “I think it’s harder that way.” Hijikata said, staring up at the moon too as they continued walking. “Knowing they are somewhere there makes you hope, makes you think about the what if’s. At least now I no longer have a possibility to worry about.”

Gintoki chuckled sorrowfully. “I don’t want them dead, though…”

“I never said I would.” Hijikata glared at him. “I just meant it’s easier now, even if I sometimes miss her.”

Gintoki's face got softer. “I know.”

Hijikata’s face relaxed. “You know… I loved her, I really did, but, somehow, I never once regretted my decision.” He said. “Even if I didn't have this dangerous lifestyle I’m not sure if I would have stayed with her.”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

Hijikata shrugged. “I always felt she deserved better. And I always got this feeling that we weren’t meant to be. No matter how much I loved her it was like my heart didn’t fully belong to her, no matter how much I tried to make it be.”

Gintoki felt his heart beating fast. “I see…”

“Did you feel the same?” Hijikata asked him. “With that person?”

Gintoki shook his head. “No, I always thought we were meant to be together.” He said, but then sighed. “Or I did before I saw hi- they go on with their life.” If Hijikata caught his slip up, he didn’t comment. 

“What do you mean?” He raised an eyebrow.

He shrugged. “They are better now that we’re not together. Doesn’t even remember me…” He said broodingly. 

“How are you so sure? Maybe they do remember you.” Hijikata said softly.

Gintoki shook his head. “He doesn’t. I have seen him and he doesn’t care any longer for me.” He said, no longer caring about changing the pronouns. 

“Then you should forget about him.” Hijikata said resolutely. “I have seen how popular you are, surely you can find someone else.” He said, trying to sound reassuring, not knowing how much his words hurted Gintoki even more.

Gintoki shook his head. “I don’t want to forget him.” He whined. “I want him to get his memories back and come back.”

Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“I want him to love me again and let me fuck him every night like we used to.” He slurred. Hijikata grimaced. “I want to kiss him on his stupid face again and don’t ever let go of him again.” He sobbed. “I want him back.”

Toshirou patted his back. “If you really love him so much, then maybe you should try again…” he mumbled, voice slightly hesitant.

Gintoki shook his head, fighting back the tears. “It’s too late. He hates me now…” he sniffed.

“Then it's his loss, Yorozuya.” Toshirou said surely. “You may be an idiot, but you’re not so bad. Your soul is actually one of the best ones I have seen. You could get someone else and forget about him. You deserve to find hapiness too.” He said resolutely.

Gintoki stared at him, mouth hanging open. “Didn’t you hate me?” He asked.

Toshirou blushed, but shrugged. “You’re a pain in my ass, but I don’t hate you…” He mumbled, looking away.

Gintoki’s face splitted into a wide grin. “You don’t hate me!!” He exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Shh, turn it down. You’re going to wake up the entire city.” Toshirou berated him. “And that doesn’t mean I particularly like you either, idiot.” He huffed. “I just don’t completely want to kill you.” He said, but he was still blushing and Gintoki already knew how much of a tsundere he could be.

“Sure, sure. I don’t hate you either, Toshi.” He said happily.

Toshirou frowned. “Who the hell are you calling Toshi?” He growled.

“Ah, we’re here!” He said, realizing they were already on the steps to his place. 

“Oi, who the hell are you calling Toshi?” He repeated with a glare.

Gintoki ignored him. “Mind taking me up the stairs, Hijikata-kun?” He said. “I’m pretty sure that if I try it myself right now I will break my neck.”

Toshirou sighed. “Fine…” they went up the stairs.

Gintoki opened his door and Toshirou was about to leave when he called again. “Thank you, Tos-Hijikata-kun…” He said. “For bringing me back home.” 

Toshirou glanced at him. “It’s fine. Rest well, Yorozuya.” He mumbled, already walking away.

Gintoki barely managed to stop his mouth from asking for a goodbye kiss and he got inside before he could say anything else. He stumbled into the living room and layed down on his sofa, clothes still on, not feeling like going all the way to his room.

He felt giddy, probably thanks to all the alcohol still in his system. 

Toshirou doesn’t hate him.

Toshirou thought about his talk with Yorozuya as he walked the rest of the way back to the Shinsengumi barracks, forgetting about his plans to have some drinks. 

His heart ached, but he was not sure of the exact reason. Somehow, he knew it was not exactly for remembering Mitsuba. 

His heart ached for Gintoki.

Chapter Text

The first thing Gintoki did after he woke up, still sprawled over the sofa, was to groan. His head hurted like hell, his mouth had a weird taste and his back hurt from the awkward position he was in. But none of that compared to the memories of the night before. He really fucked up. Not only did he have a fight with Hijikata earlier in the day, but he ranted about his feelings after getting drunk, and he almost told him everything. 

Sure, Hijikata said he didn’t hate him, but he also said he didn’t like him either. He almost confessed his feelings to a man who not only doesn’t like him, but also has not entirely forgotten the woman he has loved for over a decade. Gintoki is sure that had he confessed right there and then he would have been brutally rejected by the man he loves causing irreparable damage to their still tentative not-friendship-not-hate relationship. 

He ran to the bathroom to throw up, both the alcohol and unease messing with his guts. He had just finished getting everything out and was flushing the toilet, when he heard the front door open, signaling Shinpachi’s entrance. He remembered their talk from yesterday. Now the kids know about his past with Hijikata and he’s not sure how to face them now. 

He laid there next to the toilet for a while longer as he heard Shinpachi wake Kagura up, but he eventually stood up.

He brushed his teeth, both to get the taste of vomit out of his mouth and to prolong having to see them. He eventually did come out, finding a still sleepy Kagura and Shinpachi serving tea. 

“Ah, Gin-san!” Shinpachi said once he noticed him. “Go-good morning.” He stuttered.

Gintoki groaned. “Morning…” He said.

“You went out to drink last night again, didn’t you, Gin-chan?” Kagura glared at him.

Gintoki shrugged. “I did.” He admitted, but didn’t delve into it.

Shinpachi sighed. “Gin-san, about yesterday…”

Gintoki tensed. “Why don’t we just forget about that?” He said, voice tense.

Shinpachi looked at him in worry. “But, Gin-san…”

“Gin-chan, what about you and Toshi?” Kagura said, more awake now.

Gintoki clenched his jaw. “There’s nothing between us now. And it’s better that way. Please let it go.”

Shinpachi and Kagura turned to each other with worry. “Gin-san, we won’t get in the way again, but…”

“Please don’t give up on Toshi, Gin-chan.” Kagura finished. “You two belong together, yes?”

Gintoki snorted. “We don’t. Those kinds of stuff, being meant to be together and all that crap.” He sneered. “Those are just fairytales kids tell themselves when they have their first love.” He crossed his arms. “When you grow up, you realize there’s no such thing as fate. Hijikata-kun and I are no longer compatible and it’s better this way.”

“Gin-san…” Shinpachi mumbled, looking at him with sad eyes.

“Gin-chan, don’t you still love him?” Kagura asked.

Gintoki shrugged. “No.” He lied. “That was a long time ago. We’re too different now. There’s no chance of anything happening between us.”

Neither seemed to believe him, but while Kagura stared at him with a frown, Shinpachi sighed defeated. “As you wish, Gin-san. We just wanted you to be happy, but if you’re sure about this then we won’t get in the way. Just promise us that you won’t bottle up your feelings forever.”

Gintoki glared at them. “Fine, whatever, can I leave now?” He asked exasperated. 

Kagura seemed to want to say more but Shinpachi nodded. “Please, don’t do anything stupid, Gin-san. You’re still hungover.”

Gintoki snorted. “Yeah, yeah.” He turned around to leave his place, feeling it to be too stuffy. He could hear Kagura and Shinpachi talking quickly between each other, but he ignored it. He just wanted to forget everything. Fuck, was it too early to get a drink?

It’s been 4 days since he last saw Yorozuya. After that night he helped the drunk man get back to his place. He has gotten very busy with Shinsengumi business. That first night, after he went back to his room, he couldn’t stop thinking about Yorozuya and their talk. So there was someone he loved, still loves, huh? There was a prickling feeling at his chest that was hard to ignore, but he didn’t know what it meant. Probably all the cigarettes he smokes, not like he’s planning to stop.

They have been investigating a group of Joui rebels for the past month or so and for the last 3 days, Toshirou and Sougo had been stationed spying on one of their hideouts. He has not moved from his post for three very long days. The rebels have not moved in all that time, making this surveillance more boring than it already was. If only Yamazaki was not on another mission.

This was so boring that his mind could not help but wander back to Yorozuya. He could not stop thinking about him. He almost regretted admitting he didn’t hate the man to him, but seeing him in such a vulnerable state made Toshirou say it without thinking. At least it got the depressed man to smile. And Toshirou would never admit the way his heart skipped a beat as he saw the man grin widely. 

He couldn’t help feeling sympathy for him when Yorozuya talked about his past love. If anyone understood about failed relationships it was Toshirou. A part of him wanted to see the man cheer up, despite them still not being close enough. Yeah, they may have developed a weird kind of companionship over the last few months, especially since Mitsuba’s death when the perm head kept him company on the roof as he cried over spicy crackers. But they were nowhere near close to the friendship stage. 

If he had to put a label on their weird relationship, Toshirou guessed he would go with rivals. However, that word seems to be unable to fully explain the entire length of their complicated relationship. They were more than just mere rivals, with the way they would sometimes keep each other company in their vulnerable times or just when they were having some drinks. But they were definetly not friends. 

Yorozuya is one of the only people that really gets under his skin. He annoys him to no end and he would never trust the man to do a simple task such as to run a simple errand. However, he would trust the idiot with his life and the Shinsengumi if it came to it. It was thanks to him that he could save the Shinsengumi from Itou’s plan and get back control of his body and that’s something he will never forget. 

He yawned, tired of being on his post for so long. He called Sougo to see if he had noticed anything on his end, but the bastard was eating instead of doing his job only for then to hang up on him. 

He was glaring at his phone, trying not to break it in his fury. When he heard a tired-sounding voice coming from behind him. 

“Uh… excuse me.” The voice said, words slurry. “Could you move?” He turned around.

“Huh?” He stared at the man behind him, recognizing him immediately. “You…” he stared at Yorozuya, whose eyes he could barely keep open and was clearly hungover. 

Yorozuya was holding trash bags in his hands and looked like he was about to fall unconscious any second. “Look here… you see? This is where everybody throws their trash. It’s not like this place belongs to you, you know?” The man looked so hungover that he didn’t even look like he recognized him. “Or what? Is this your trash can?”

Toshirou clicked his tongue, annoyed. Not only had the man been stuck in his head for days, but now he showed up in the middle of an operation? He didn't have time to deal with him. Yorozuya kept mumbling nonsense that he didn’t even bother to listen to.

“Got it?” Yorozuya slurred.

“Right, right. I got it. My bad.” He stood up from the trash can he was sitting on, not interested to deal with him right now and seriously hoping Yorozuya would leave.

But of course Yorozuya could never avoid pissing him off. “What kind of response is that?” He heard him say from behind as he heard a muffled sound of the bags falling to the ground. 

“Huh?” He muttered, getting more annoyed by the second.

“You think that’s enough to get you out of any situation? Are you like a husband in his third year of marriage?” Yorozuya kept spouting back with an annoyed tone. Toshirou glared at him as he continued to get closer to him. “Getting wary of married life?” It annoyed him further as he remembered China mentioning marriage days ago. 

“I get it, so keep it down!” He growled, hoping he would leave now. 

“Then look me in the eye!” He felt Yorozuya grip his cravat tightly from behind, making him turn around to face him and bumping their foreheads into each other. The faint scent of alcohol invaded his nose. Yorozuya’s face softened slightly as he finally recognized him, replacing annoyance with surprise. “Ah…” he mumbled.

“Don’t ‘ah’ me.” He said irritated. “It’s too early to be dealing with your babbling. I’m working here. So the citizens can pile up their trash in peace. So scram if you don’t want me to drag you down to the station!” He threatened. 

He pushed Yorozuya off of him and it was really telling how drunk he still was that the man fell to the ground despite Toshirou knowing he didn’t use so much strength as to throw a man like him off. 

“Ah, Toshi, you’re always so mean to me so early in the morning…” He mumbled from behind him as he heard him stand up.

Toshirou growled. “Don’t call me Toshi.” He said, his eyes still stuck on the binoculars. 

He tensed as he felt Yorozuya slip his arms around his back and for a second he was sure he was going to slam him back. But instead, Yorozuya just layed his head on his shoulder and Toshirou realized he was hugging him from the back.

“Oi! Let go!” He strugged into his strong grip. 

“Tell Tatsuma that I’m never drinking again.” He mumbled into his neck.

“Tatsuma?” He asked, still struggling. He didn’t know anyone named like that. “Oi, let go already, Yorozuya! I’m working.” Was he confusing him for someone else? He had thought he had finally recognized Toshirou’s after seeing his face up close.

Yorozuya held him tighter. “I had a nightmare…” he mumbled. “Something about you not remembering me or something. And a bastard taking you away from me.” 

Toshirou stopped, his mind going to that night. Was he confusing him with that person he loves? Why?

Toshirou shook his head. He really couldn’t deal with him right now. He punched the idiot in the gut with his elbow making the perm bastard finally let go of him. “Sorry, Yorozuya. I can’t deal with you right now.” He felt a little guilty leaving the man in this state, especially after he was once again reminded of his past love, but he had more pressing matters. Yorozuya had already taken too much of his mind lately.

“Oi! Are you peeping on someone else?” Yorozuya growled behind him. “You can only peep on Gin-san!” He kicked him from behind, making Toshirou stumble in surprise. 

He turned to glare at him and finally took out his handcuffs, placing them around his left wrist. “Huh?” He stared at the handcuffs in surprise.

“You’re under arrest for interfering with a police investigation and assaulting a police officer.” He said. 

“Ah, I didn’t know you were into this kind of play~” He said suggestively, making Toshirou’s glare deepen. “You could’ve just told me before. I think Tatsuma brought some other toys in his last shipment.” Yorozuya took advantage of his cuffed arm and that Toshirou had not let go the other end to pull him closer. Toshirou gulped as he stared into Yorozuya’s eyes that were suddenly too close, their lips a breath away. “How about we go somewhere more private so I can make you scream my name until your throat is sore and Zura complains about the noise again.”

Toshirou blushed furiously as he punched him, getting him unconsious. 

Now this is where he made the mistake, he handcuffed his own right wrist to avoid Yorozuya trying to run off before he called Sougo. Sougo, the bastard, took way too long to come get Yorozuya to the station as he had asked. In the meantime, Yorozuya seemed to slowly get back to his senses. 

“Ugh, my head…” he mumbled, one hand still connected to Toshirou’s wrist, who was still waiting for Sougo to appear. He stared at his wrist in confusion and then at Toshirou. His eyes widened. “What the fuck?!” He exclaimed, getting to his feet. 

Toshirou ignored him as he continued to surveil the rebels. 

“I thought I was dreaming…” he heard Yorozuya mumble behind him, their connected wrists wriggling with his movements. “Fuck, fuck.” He kept mumbling.

Eventually, he stood up. “Oi, Oogushi-kun. Could you let me go?” He asked, standing beside him. 

Toshirou glared at him. “I’m arresting you for interfering with a police investigation and assaulting a police officer.” He repeated. “And don’t call me Oogushi!”

Yorozuya began to sweat with nervousness. “Right, I’m sorry about that, Oogushi-kun. I-I thought you were someone else.” He stammered.

Toshirou huffed. “I gathered.” He said, going back to his binoculars. “Stop getting so drunk all the time, Yorozuya. This is the second time I’ve had to deal with your drunk ass this week.” He complained. 

He felt Yorozuya tense besides him. “Uhm… what?” Yorozuya mumbled.

Toshiro raised an eyebrow. “4 nights ago…” he said. “Don’t you remember? I brought you over to your place.”

Yorozuya looked at him with panic before he laughed awkwardly. “Oh, so it was you! Ahaha. Man, I got so drunk I don’t remember seeing your stupid face after getting plastered on my own.” He laughed awkwardly. “It did surprise me that I managed to get back on my own, but it was you, Oogushi-kun!” He chuckled awkwardly. “Then I have to thank you for getting Gin-san back safely.”

Toshirou stared at him. His face looked uncomfortable, but he was not sure if he was telling the truth or not. He shrugged. If the man wanted to pretend that night never happened then so be it. It’s none of his business and he should probably never have heard such a touchy topic from him. 

“Whatever, now keep quiet. I'm trying to work.” He said. 

“Oi, are you letting me go or not, Oogushi-kun?” He asked. “I did nothing wrong. Gin-san was just a little confused after waking up so early.” 

“Don’t call me Oogushi! And I’ve already told you you’re under arrest. Sougo is coming to get you to the station.” 

“Ah, you damn Tax Thief. Gin-san is innocent!”

It was not much later that Sougo appeared. A surprised stare as he looked at their joined wrists. “You’re late.” Toshirou said.

“Danna, what are you doing here?” Sougo asked.

“Nothing at all. This is an unlawful arrest. I didn’t do anything.” Yorozuya complained.

“Sougo, you aren’t doing your job anyway, take him to the station.” Toshirou said.

“I can’t do that. My duty comes before my life.” Sougo said.

Toshirou frowned. “You were eating ramen a moment ago!!” He growled. He reached into his pocket, looking for the key to unlock his wrist so Sougo could take Yorozuya. “Huh?” He mumbled, not feeling the key. “The key’s gone…”

“What?!” Yorozuya exclaimed, looking dismayed by this.

“Oi, Sougo. Use your key to unlock us.” He said.

“Yeah, get these off.” Yorozuya seemed anxious for some reason, not like he cared, he had a job to worry about.

Sougo stared at them for several seconds in which Toshirou started to feel anxious, he had a deadpan face, but he knew him enough to not trust him to not do anything evil.

Before either him or Yorozuya could react, Sougo handcuffed his left wrist to Yorozuya's right, making them stuck from both their arms. 

“Oi, what 's this, Okita-kun?” Yorozuya glared, clenching his fists.

“Why are you cuffing me?!” Toshirou growled, wanting to seriously kill the sadist right now. 

“Well, I’m going to my post now.” Sougo said, face still deadpan.

“Huh?!!” Both Yorozuya and him exclaimed as both used their legs to stop him from leaving. “Okita-kun!” Yorozuya shouted.

“Get these off us! What are you thinking?!”

“Well, don’t you think…” Sougo turned to them again, this time his face had sadistic glee. “It’s a lot more fun this way?” He kicked them off. “Then I’ll be going.” He left them on the floor.

“Damn it, Sougo!” He shouted. 

“Oi, wait!” Yorozuya exclaimed. 

Sougo ignored them as he continued walking away. “Okay, fine, just give me the key!” Toshirou pleaded, he was willing to do anything rather than stay cuffed to Yorozuya all day. “Just give me the key!” Sougo turned around, still smiling in a sadistic way and put some mayonnaise on his pocket. “I asked for the key, not mayonnaise!”

“You’re always asking for mayo, don’t you?” Sougo turned around again.

“Oi, Sougo-kun!”

“Sougo!”

He left, despite all he and Yorozuya pleaded with him to free them. Fuck, what was he thinking. He should have just walked away from Yorozuya as soon as he noticed him. He should have known the man was always trouble. And handcuffing himself to the idiot? Yeah, the biggest mistake of his life. Now not only will he invade his mind, but also his personal space all day. How to get rid of him?

Gintoki wanted to whine, but he didn’t want Hijikata to hear him and with how close they were to each other thanks to the handcuffs, it would be impossible for him to hide a whine. Just the last thing he wanted, having to see Hijikata after that night.

This is all the alcohol’s fault. Why did he have to drink so much?

He would admit he has been drinking almost nonstop since that night, 4 days ago. He regrets very much everything he told Hijikata and he feels ashamed for acting so vulnerable around him. Especially since he knows that while he may not fully hate him, Hijikata doesn’t actually like him. 

And all the things he said. A person he loves? At least he didn’t tell him outright it was Hijikata himself he was talking about. He would have probably been punched right there and then. 

And then, his stupid drunk mind, confused Present Hijikata from Past Toshirou and almost assaulted him despite the guy’s clear unwillingness. He fucked up, he seriously fucked up.

But Hijikata fucked up too, cuffing both of them despite not having the key with himself. And then fucking Sougo had to come and handcuff their other wrists to each other, locking both of their arms to each other making them face each other. 

Just what he needed, being forced to close proximity to the reason he has been drinking for days, unable to leave and having to stare into his pretty eyes all day. He’s going to kill Sougo after this.

Hijikata looked pissed too, maybe even more than him, as he dragged him around town following the rebels he was investigating. He didn’t even appreciate when Gintoki tried to make them pass as a pair of dancers, not like it was much of a surprise, Toshirou didn't appreciate it either when he or Tatsuma tried to force him to dance after a night of drinks either.  

Eventually they followed the Jouis into an abandoned warehouse, but they were discovered and were surrounded and outnumbered. The Jouis soon noticed their cuffed wrists and laughed. “Oh, are they boyfriends?” One asked.

“They sure look like it!” Other exclaimed, laughing. 

Gintoki felt irritation dwell inside him as he saw Hijikata frown from the corner of his eyes. “Boyfriends…?” Hijikata growled beside him, clearly displeased by the idea. Gintoki remained quiet as he frowned. 

“You can go to the next life together!” A rebel shouted about to strike them. 

Gintoki kicked him in the face before he could. “Who would date a mayo addict?” He growled, despite that person being obviously him. 

“Apologize to mayonnaise, you sugar freak!” Hijikata growled as he kicked another rebel as Gintoki kicked someone else. “I’m the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander, Hijikata Toshirou, damn it!” He shouted at Gintoki’s back. 

“You’re all under arrest for interfering with a police investigation and assaulting a police officer!” Gintoki repeated Hijikata’s words to him from earlier in the day.

The Jouis attacked them and Hijikata and him fought in complete synchronization. Gintoki almost felt like he was back in those days, when they used to fight back to back together against enemies in complete sync as a match made in heaven. He missed those days so much, but he ignored that painful pang on his chest, knowing that this wasn’t the same, as he continued to kick and punch rebel after rebel with Hijikata’s help.

“Fuck, what a crazy pair!” One last Joui said in a motorcycle. “For all your talk you sure do seem to get along just fine!” He shouted. “Die together, like the boyfriends you are!”

“I said, we’re not together!!” Both shouted at the same time as they took him down too.

Sougo showed just then as he stared at them with surprise in the middle of the rumble.

“You’re late.” Gintoki growled, standing side by side with Hijikata. 

“You’re cleaning the mess.” Hijikata said.

The Shinsengumi showed up too, arresting all the Jouis. Sougo finally let them go, uncuffing their wrists. Gintoki rubbed his sore wrists, giving his back to Hijikata. He had seen him enough for the day, just when he had all those complicated feelings messing with his mind. He’s not sure he can keep staying in his company after all those feelings just resurfaced thanks to those damned handcuffs. 

“Pretty sure this will take more than a clean up.” Hijikata said behind him.

“Now, now. All’s well that end’s well.” Sougo said, grinning. “Everything worked out in the end. So what do we do? Do I take Danna down to the station?” Gintoki tensed again. “Interfering with a police investigation and assaulting a police officer, was it?”

Gintoki turned to glare at him. “Oi, oi! I already said I’m innocent! You’re still on about that?!”

Hijikata walked away, not looking at him. “Forget it, Sougo.” He said softly as he lit up a cigarrete. “I don’t want to see his face for a while.” He said, walking away.

Gintoki watched him go, faking a frown when in reality he was hurt from his words. He understood him, he really did. Even him didn’t feel like seeing him for a long time, but their reasons were different. He had to deal with his feelings, Hijikata was just tired of him. Probably any sane person would after seeing their not-enemy-nor-friend take a shit and be handcuffed to them all day. Gintoki just tried to ignore that annoying voice that sounded suspiciously like Hasegawa saying that the ultimate stage of a power couple was to see each other shit. Fucking Madao, putting weird thoughts on his head. 

“Idiot! I should be the one saying that!” He shouted, trying to sound annoyed instead of hurt as he left too in the other direction.

“The two of them really do get along.” Sougo said behind their backs, loud enough for both of them to hear. 

He heard Hijikata click his tongue in annoyance and he frowned. Once upon a time they did, but that was not the case now. 

“We don’t get along.” Both said in unison. 

Chapter Text

Toshirou turned around in his hospital bed for what seemed to be the thousandth time in the past hour. He has not fully healed from all the wounds he sustained in his fight against Sasaki Isaburo to save Tetsu, his new assistant and Sasaki’s younger brother. 

A lot of things happened on that roof as he went to get Tetsu back from the Jouis that had kidnapped him. But the most important one was meeting Yorozuya up there, on the Jouis’ side as requested by Sasaki. As Yorozuya claimed he was not on the Shinsengumi nor Mimawarigumi’s side, but something in his expression made Toshirou feel at ease, knowing he wouldn’t have to fight him too. 

However, that was not all. Yorozuya then claimed he was none other than the infamous Shiroyasha, the well known Joui patriot that was feared during the Joui war, one of the Four Heavenly Kings. And Toshirou has to admit he was not that surprised.

Toshirou, being the Vice-Commander of an organization meant to take down rebels, of course had heard of the Four Heavenly Kings, but he admittedly didn’t know much about them. He personally knew The Rampaging Noble, also known as The Runaway Kotarou or Katsura Kotarou. The man had been insisting that he join his cause ever since he met him almost a year ago. 

He may not personally know The Leader of the Kiheitai, also known as Takasugi Shinsuke, but he has heard of him. The Kihetai is known to be a group of violent rebels who seek to destroy everything on their path. Toshirou feels relieved he has never met the man.

And while he has heard of The Dragon of Katsurahama and Shiroyasha, he never heard if there was any names to them. Not like he cared too much, it was well known that neither were active in the present like the other two, whether it was because they died or because of something else, he didn’t care. 

All he knew about either of them was that The Dragon of Katsurahama was great at making deals and talking his way out of tough situations and that Shiroyasha was the strongest of all of them and would always wear white, combined with his hair. So when he met Yorozuya a part of him thought back on that, could this lazy asshole be the feared Shiroyasha? He was not sure and nothing ever came up from when he sent Yamazaki to investigate. But it turned out to be true and Yorozuya told him himself. 

He could’ve left it at that. Yorozuya, while not the role model of a decent citizen, was no longer a criminal (unless you counted annoying a police officer) so he had no reason to arrest him despite his past. He knew better than anyone that everyone has a past, but that it doesn’t define them in the present. He let him go along with Tetsu, who also had a criminal record. What he was not expecting was to receive a letter from him in his hospital room not long after both were set free. 

The letter came in the form of a paper airplane that flew into his room from the window, landing on his bed. It had only 3 words.

Thanks. 

From Thorny.

He couldn’t help the smile that formed in his face as he read the letter, knowing who sent it. He was glad no one else was there to see him smile like an idiot. He’s not even sure why he’s acting like this, it’s not like they are close or anything. Though, for the past few months, their relationship had gotten marginally better. 

They never talked about Yorozuya telling him about his old lover or about him confusing Toshirou with him, but they somehow reached some kind of understanding after fighting together against a group of Jouis while cuffed. They still fight and bicker a lot, but now they seem to dislike each other a little less. 

This letter, though, made Toshirou feel more warm than it should. He shouldn’t care if Yorozuya was grateful or not, but he can’t help smiling as he thinks of those 3 words. He knows Yorozuya really decided to trust him when he told him he was Shiroyasha and he thinks letting him go free of charge is not enough to thank him for his trust. 

But those words were not what was keeping him from sleep, nor was it the pain in his leg, where Sasaki had shot him. No, it was the whole Shiroyasha thing.

He didn’t care if Yorozuya was once a Joui, nor that he was one of the strongest. But he can’t help wanting to know more. A big part of him needs to know more. Would it be considered an invasion of privacy if he were to investigate further into the legend of the Four Heavenly Kings? It’s not like he’s going to actually use it to lock Yorozuya up.

Another hour passed while he tried to remember everything he knew from the legend of Shiroyasha. He sat up, taking his phone, having given up on his attempt to sleep.

“Yamazaki.” He said into the phone as soon as the spy answered it. “Get every information you can on Shiroyasha.” He said.

“You mean Danna?” Yamazaki asked.

“Yes, well, no.” He groaned. “I mean, like, like the legend. All the manuscripts you can find from the time of the war about him. About the time he was known as Shiroyasha, before he was known as Yorozuya.” He tried to explain.

“Oh, I see.” The man said. “You want to know more about how dangerous Danna can be, right, Vice-Commander?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever, just get them by tomorrow morning or it’s seppuku for you.” He growled and hung up before he could complain. 

He was able to sleep more easily after this.

Yamazaki brought him a huge pile of papers by noon, looking dead on his feet. Toshirou didn’t bother to apologize for sending him on an errand at midnight, Yamazaki should just be grateful for not making him commit seppuku for taking so long.

He started to read the manuscripts, but most of them said the same thing that he already knew. Most claimed him to be the strongest of the Four Heavenly Kings and others said he was on par with the others. All of them described him as someone wearing all white, hair white/silver, eyes red like a demon’s and the strength of a thousand men. Nothing new. 

He was already starting to think this was a huge waste of time when he stumbled on something he hadn’t heard of before. Or more accurately, someone .

Everyone has heard of the legend of the Four Heavenly Kings, however, that seems like an inaccurate title since there are multiple claims that there were not four, but Five Kings.

Toshirou stopped to gawk at this. He has never heard of a fifth King.

The fifth King is not as well known as the other four since they joined the war mere months before it ended. But those who met them claim them to be almost as strong as the other four. 

The title that was given to this fifth King was Kuroyasha .

Toshirou frowned at this, a weird feeling inside him. Why did their title sound so much like Yorozuya’s?

Few things are known from Kuroyasha . One of them was their appearance. It is said that they would always wear black, had long black hair and had rather hipnotizing looks. No one is really sure if they were a man or a woman because of their androgynous features.

He glared at the manuscript. Something about this was seriously pissing him off, but he was not sure what it was. 

The other thing that is known about them is that they always appeared in battle alongside Shiroyasha. It was impossible to see Kuroyasha without their white counterpart. Shiroyasha’s shadow, as some called them. Whenever they showed up together to battle no enemy would survive. And from what those who managed to see them and lived, it is believed that Shiroyasha and Kuroyasha were a couple. Many claim they seemed particularly close to each other and some even claim they saw them looking at each other intimately as a couple would. 

Toshirou put the manuscript down, feeling his gut twist from multiple emotions. Guilt, anger, confusion, fear, sadness. He was not sure what even most of those meant. The only one he could explain was the throbbing guilt he was feeling. 

Guilt because he just snooped into Yorozuya’s past and probably unveiled the old lover that he had mentioned before. From what he just read, Kuroyasha was Yorozuya’s old lover, the one he lost and apparently still loves. 

He shouldn’t have read this, he should have just let Yorozuya’s past go. That's what he thought, but he still readed the next manuscript. This one mentioned Kuroyasha too and the next one as well. Most of them said more of the same, no name and just vague descriptions. At least Shiroyasha’s appearance was not as generic as this person’s. The only thing he had going on beside the classic black and long hair was that they were beautiful. Which doesn’t help at all. In fact, that pisses him off more. No one even seems to agree on their gender, not like he cares. Since he’s pretty sure they are the same person Yorozuya mentioned that night, then that means they are a man. 

He ended up reading through all of them, paying particular attention to the ones mentioning Kuroyasha. The only thing all of them seemed to agree on Kuroyasha was that he was Shiroyasha’s lover. Has Yorozuya met them since the war? From how he spoke that night it sure seemed like it. Why did they break up? Was it the war? Was it something else? Why did Yorozuya insist he is better off without him? Did Yorozuya do something to Kuroyasha that resulted in them breaking up and Yorozuya still feels guilty about it? Or was it something else? And why does Toshirou care so much?

He sighed, wishing his leg wasn’t hurting so much so he could get back to work and stop thinking about Yorozuya and his past lovers. Why does he even care so much about who Yorozuya dated before? It’s not like he’s interested in the man. 

He wonders where Kuroyasha is now. From what he gathered from Yorozuya, it seemed like they are better now, but he’s not sure what that entails. A better job? A better life? A better boyfriend? A better everything?

Yorozuya claims to have seen him since they broke up, probably recently explaining all the drinking he did that night. That means Kuroyasha is somewhere in Edo. That means, Toshirou could have crossed paths with him and that Yorozuya can still see him whenever. That, somehow, does not sit well on his stomach. 

Yorozuya could get back with them at any moment. 

He took his phone and waited. “Yamazaki. Why did it take you so long to answer?” He growled after several rings.

“Sorry, Vice-Commander.” Yamazaki drawled. “I was asleep.”

“It’s barely an hour past noon. You should be working.” He glared at the phone, hoping the spy could feel it through the other side. 

“Sorry, I was awake the whole night to get you those manuscripts, Vice-Commander. It took me the whole night to get all of them.”

“I don’t care. I have another job for you.” He said.

There was a muffled noise that he was not able to distinguish. “Yeah, Vice-Commander?” Yamazaki said after a while.

“I want you to keep surveillance of Yorozuya.” He said.

“Of Danna?” Yamazaki asked. “Did you find something in the manuscripts I sent you, Vice-Commander?”

Toshirou paused, he sure did find something, but it was less about Yorozuya and more about his lover. “Yeah. You need to keep surveillance of him 24/7, do you understand? I want you to tell me every single person he meets. And you better not bring me anything with the word ‘anpan’ again, you got it?”

There was a sigh. “Sure, Vice-Commander.” Yamazaki said and Toshirou hung up.

Why did he send Yamazaki to spy on Yorozuya? It wasn’t because of his past as Shiroyasha, that was for sure. Was he hoping to find out who Kuroyasha was? He was not sure. He wanted to believe it was not that, but it probably was.

Why does he care so much?

He tried to tell himself it was just because as the Vice-Commander of the Shinsegumi he should know the identities of the most well known Joui rebels, past or present. But he knew he was just deluding himself. 

Almost a month passed since he sent Yamazaki on that task which he failed by falling in love with a robot. He was just leaving the fancy restaurant where they held the omiai for Yamazaki and Tama, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

He turned around to see Yorozuya, dead fish eyes look on his face. “Why did you send your lapdog to spy on me, Tax Thief? Was it not enough to waste taxpayers money on that shit you call mayo so you decided to waste it spying on innocent citizens?” He asked, voice monotone.

Toshirou tried to not blush, but he probably failed, having been found out by the idiot. “That’s confidential.”

Yorozuya arched an eyebrow. “Don’t tell me it was because of that?” He groaned. “I thought we have already gotten past it, Oogushi-kun. Gin-san is an upstanding citizen now. My war days are over.”

Toshirou looked down at his feet with guilt. “As the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander, it is my duty to know everything about a well known Joui legend such as Shiroyasha. I was just doing my job.”

Yorozuya crossed his arms. “Then what did you find out?”

“Besides the fact that the infamous Shiroyasha is now just a broke lazy bastard?” He glared at the man who was looking at him condescendingly. “I…” he winced. “Nothing. I found nothing.” He lied.

Yorozuya raised an eyebrow. “You did, didn’t you?” He frowned. “What was it?”

“Nothing.” He said again.

Yorozuya glared at him, stance tense. “You better tell me, Tax Thief. After violating my privacy for something you already knew you should at least tell me the entire reason.” He almost growled.

Toshirou winced again, the guilt coming back like it has been doing for the past month. “I-” He looked at Kondo and Glasses not far from them, as well as Sougo and Kagura fighting somewhere behind them. “I think we should go somewhere more private.” He mumbled.

Yorozuya looked at their company too and nodded. “Fine, lead the way.”

So Toshirou walked, not sure where he was going. Where could he say something so delicate to him in Edo? The park near them was out of the question. A bunch of madaos tend to hang around there. A restaurant wasn’t a good idea either, too many people. Where to go?

He stopped in front of a building, hesitating. 

“My, my. Oogushi-kun.” Yorozuya said teasingly beside him as he also peered over the building. “If you wanted to ask me out you could’ve just said so.” He chuckled.

Toshirou blushed furiously. “Shut up! That’s not what I meant!” He growled.

Yorozuya smirked at him. “Then care to explain what we’re doing outside a love hotel?” He asked.

Toshirou glared at him. “Can you think of somewhere more private than this?” He asked.

Yorozuya shrugged. “You’re paying.”

Toshiro nodded, feeling nervous for some reason. They went into the love hotel and Tohsirou quickly paid for a room. Once inside the room, he looked at Yorozuya, trying to get his nerves in check. He took a deep breath to prepare himself.

“I know about Kuroyasha.”

Chapter Text

“I know about Kuroyasha.”

Gintoki blinked. “...what?” 

Hijikata looked uncomfortable, fidgeting where he was standing. “I know about Kuroyasha.” He repeated.

Gintoki’s eyes widened, the words finally registering in his brain. “You do?!” 

Hijikata nodded. “Yeah…”

Gintoki's smile widened. Did this mean he got his memory back?! Did he finally remember him?! Would they be getting back together?!

“That’s great!!” He exclaimed. He was about to launch himself into Toshirou to hug him, but his face stopped him. Was he still getting used to the idea of being an old Joui patriot? Was that why he looked so uncomfortable? “How did this happen?” He asked. He never tought he would be getting his memories back.

Toshirou looked at his feet. “I read some manuscripts to learn more about you, I mean, about Shiroyasha and in some Kuroyasha was mentioned.” He muttered.

Gintoki felt his whole world deflating. “Oh… that.” Of course that’s what he meant.

Hijikata raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, what did you think I was talking about?”

Gintoki shrugged, putting back his mask of indifference. “So what did you find about him?” He said, not even bothering to sound interested in this topic any longer. 

Hijikata sighed. “Not much. Just a vague description about them and…” he looked at him, “that they were always by your side.”

Gintoki nods. “Yeah, during battle he was always by my side. He was not allowed to go on his own unless I said so.” 

Hijikata raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

Gintoki shrugged, not comfortable with this but trying not to show it. “To make sure nothing happened to him while I wasn’t looking.” But something did end up happening anyway.

“Him? So they’re a man.” Hijikata said.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah, why?”

Hijikata shrugged. “No one seemed to agree on a gender about them, um, him.” He muttered, sounding uncomfortable.

Gintoki snorted. “What?” He asked incredulously. 

“Well…” Now he seemed even more uncomfortable. “He was often described as this androgynous beauty with long hair and feminine features. At least in most of them…” Gintoki laughed loudly, holding his stomach. “Oi, what’s so funny about that?!”

Gintoki wiped away a tear. “Oh, nothing. Just-” he snickered, “he will be so pissed if he finds out.” He chuckled. 

Hijikata glared at him. “So, was that fake?” He asked.

Gintoki shook his head, shoulders still shaking with laughter. “Oh, no. It was definitely true. He sure was a beauty.” Still is. “He did have a slightly feminine face back then, really pretty for a boy. And his hair was long and very pretty, even Zura was jealous. He was truly a beauty. An androgynous beauty.” He snickered. “But he would never admit it. In fact, I think he would kill me if he finds out.” He snorted, looking at Hijikata in amusement. 

Hijikata stared at him, face tense. “So, were you two a thing then?” He asked, voice serious.

Gintoki stopped laughing. “What?” He asked, shoulders tense. 

“While no one seemed to agree on a gender for him, everyone did agree on one thing and that was that he was Shiroyasha’s lover.” He said. “So, was that true?” He asked. 

Gintoki didn’t answer for a minute, not sure what to say. Why was he talking about his past relationship with Kuroyasha to the person who doesn’t even remember being him? “...he was.” He finally said after several long seconds of awkward silence. 

“Oh…” Hijikata mumbled, looking away. Gintoki was not able to read him like he used to, but he didn’t look particularly pleased with this. 

They remained silent for another minute. Neither knowing what to say. Finally, Hijikata was the first one to look up. 

“So… is he the one you were talking about?” Gintoki looked at him. “The other night when you got drunk.” Gintoki winced, remembering that particular night. 

Gintoki winced. “Yeah… he was.”

“Oh…” Hijikata mumbled again, looking away uncomfortable. He made a pause, before he took a deep breath. “So… are you getting back with him?” He asked, not looking at Gintoki.

Gintoki furrowed his eyebrows. “What…?” He said confused. Where did he get that idea?

Hijikata shrugged, still not looking at him, but instead looking at his feet. “You still love him, don’t you? And you saw him recently, didn’t you? You could get back together.”

Gintoki frowned. “How do you know I saw him recently?” He asked.

Hijikata fidgeted. “Well… I just deduced it. That night you drank and started talking about him. I just, I just thought that maybe you met them that day or pretty recently to make you drink so much that night.” He explained awkwardly. 

Gintoki sighed forlonly. “Yeah, I saw him that day.” He admitted. “And we had a fight.” It was true after all, he fought with Hijikata that day.

Hijikata looked at him surprised. “Oh, sorry.”

Gintoki shrugged. “It’s fine. It was actually my fault. I was being a complete asshole to him.” He admitted, which was true too.

“Why did you break up?” Hijikata blurted out before he blushed, looking ashamed for asking that.

Gintoki looked away, sitting down on the bed. “There was… an accident.” He started saying, looking at the floor as he felt Hijikata sitting next to him. “Before the war was over.” He clenched his fist over his lap. “He left the war and for some time I thought he was dead.” He sighed again. 

“Oh, I’m sorry…” Hijikata mumbled next to him.

He shrugged. “It’s fine. I found him after a few months. Alive.”

“Oh, that’s great then.” Hijikata sounded confused. 

“He had already moved on.” He finished. 

Hijikata gasped. “What?”

Gintoki nodded. “He had even already fallen in love with someone else.”

Hijikata frowned. “What a fucking asshole.” He said, sounding pissed off on his behalf. 

Gintoki snorted. If only he knew he was insulting himself. “It was not his fault. I don’t fault him for that. He was better off with her anyway.” He sighed. “I had no future to give him.” 

“Well, it’s his loss.” Gintoki looked surprised at Hijikata, who had a determined frown on his face. “You’re an amazing person, Yorozuya. Even if you’re broke.”

Gintoki gapped. “What…?”

Toshirou nodded, blushing slightly, but eyes still determined. “You may be a lazy bastard, but you’re great at many things. You’re the strongest person I know and also the most caring. Even if you fake being disinterested in everything and everyone, I know you actually care. Just like how I know I can trust you with my life. He may not have been able to see it but I do, Yorozuya. You don’t need him. You’re the one who is bette-”

Gintoki stopped his rambling with his lips.

He was not sure what got inside his head to kiss Toshirou at that moment, he just couldn’t help himself. But after 3 seconds of Toshirou being frozen and unresponsive, Gintoki realized what he had just done. He winced slightly, pulling away from Toshirou’s lips. But before he could fully pull away, Toshirou slammed his lips on his own again.

The kiss quickly turned more heated as Gintoki deepened the kiss. He was not sure who was the first to start undressing, but both were naked in mere seconds, barely pulling away from the kiss to finish undressing before getting back to it. It was Gintoki who finally took his lips away from Toshirou’s only to start kissing his neck, just like he remembered Toshirou liking back in the days. 

It did not take long for Toshirou to start moaning as Gintoki attacked his neck and his hands started going down, one teasing his nipples while the other continued to trail down to his already leaking cock. It had been so long since he was able to touch him like this and he would enjoy every second of it.

Toshirou’s hands on Gintoki were less certain as he also trailed his hands over Gintoki’s chest and down to where he needed them the most. He moaned next to Toshirou’s neck when he wrapped his fingers around his cock. Fuck, he had missed this, missed him .

He pulled away, his hand still around Toshirou and marveled over his flushed face. “We don’t have lube.” He said, still pumping Toshirou’s cock. 

Toshirou let out a low moan, as Gintoki flicked his wrist just right. “I think there should be some in the drawer. Condoms too.” He said breathily. 

Gintoki looked in the drawer and raised an eyebrow. “My, my, Oogushi-kun, you sure thought of everything.” He teased, taking the thankfully brand new lube out. 

Toshirou flushed deeper. “This was not my intention!” He exclaimed embarassed. “I just saw there was a note behind the counter when I was paying for the room. But I didn’t bring you here to- to…”

Gintoki chuckled, pouring some lube on his fingers. “As you say so, Toshirou…” He mumbled next to his ear as his fingers teased his hole. 

Toshirou shivered and looked away. “What are you waiting for, Yorozuya?” He said bashfully.

Gintoki pulled away slightly. “Are you still calling me that even when I’m about to fuck you? At least say my name when we’re together.” He frowned. 

Toshirou looked at him and bit his lip. “Gintoki…” He mumbled.

Gintoki grinned widely. “That’s more like it.” One finger finally entered his hole, gaining a sharp moan from the black haired one. “Remember that, you're going to be moaning my name from now on.” He added another finger, quickly starting to open him up.

Soon, he added another finger, Toshirou was already panting heavily when Gintoki moved his fingers, hitting that spot that he remembers turning Toshirou into a moaning mess. Toshirou let out a loud moan, hips buckling up. Gintoki continued to open him up, hitting that spot from time to time just to see Toshirou moan.

“Yo- Gintoki,” Toshirou groaned. “Just go on with it!” He panted.

Gintoki grinned. He quickly put a condom on his cock and closed the distance, his tip entering Toshirou’s hole. “You good, Toshirou?” He asked, one hand holding Toshirou's hip.

Toshirou nodded. “Just hurry!” He exclaimed.

Gintoki grinned and slammed himself inside, gaining a sharp moan from Toshirou. Usually when Toshirou was in a cocky mood he preferred a fast and hard pace. 

Gintoki groaned once he was fully inside and quickly started a fast pace, hitting Toshirou’s prostate with every thrust.

“Gintoki!!” Toshirou moaned. Gintoki groaned next to Toshirou’s ear before he started trailing wet kisses from his ear to his collarbone. “Ah!” Toshirou panted. 

Gintoki sped up his thrusts as he felt Toshirou getting tighter, knowing he was about to cum too.

“Ah! Gintoki!” Toshirou moaned, as he came all over their chests. 

Gintoki thrusted a couple more times before he let out a loud groan, cumming too. “Ah, Toshirou!” He groaned.

Gintoki pulled out, taking the condom off and tied it up before throwing it somewhere else, not really caring where it landed. He laid next to the still panting Toshirou with a grin, feeling more satisfied than he has felt in years. 

“That was…” Toshirou panted next to him. 

“Amazing?” Gintoki grinned, proud of himself for still being able to leave Toshirou a complete mess. 

“Yeah…” Toshirou said breathingly. “Who would have thought an idiot like you was not so bad in bed.” Toshirou smirked at him.

Gintoki frowned. “Not so bad? Do I have to remind you who was a moaning mess 1 minute ago?”

Toshirou blushed and looked away. “Shut up.” He mumbled. 

Gintoki looked at the clock over the bed. “We don’t have much time left of the hour.” He said, sighing. Not really ready for this to be over.

Toshirou nodded and sat up, taking his boxers from the floor to put them on. Toshirou dressed quickly while Gintoki took more time, wishing he could prolong this, unsure how this would change their usual dynamic. Toshirou finished dressing first and turned back to look at Gintoki who was mostly dressed and just missing his yukata.

“We…” He looked away, biting his lip, fingers twitching for a cigarette, but he was not allowed to smoke inside the room. “We should do this some other time…” he mumbled, not really looking at Gintoki.

Gintoki perked up, eyes widening and lips turning into a grin. “Sure! Whenever you want, Toshirou.” He said, heart beating fast.

Toshirou pulled a face. “Don’t call me that in front of anyone, Yorozuya…” he said. “Let’s just pretend this never happened in front of others.”

Gintoki deflated. “Oh, right…” he mumbled as Toshirou put his shoes on. “Then, I guess I’ll see you later, Oogushi-kun.” He said, voice and eyes back to (fake) disinterest to hide the pain he was actually feeling. Of course nothing would actually change.

“Don’t call me that either.” Toshirou glared at him. 

“Right, Hijikata-kun. Tell me when you want Gin-san to blow your mind again.” Gintoki drawled.

Toshirou sneered at him. “Whatever. Don’t cause any trouble, Yorozuya.” He said, leaving without sparing him another look.

Gintoki sighed, slumping back on the bed. They fucked, but nothing really changed, they were no closer than they used to. Their status just changed from not-friendship-not-hate to fuck buddies. Not-friends who just happened to fuck each other from time to time. Nothing more.

Gintoki reluctantly left the room too to go back to the life where Toshirou is a stranger.

Toshirou doesn’t know what came over him when he decided to sleep with Gi-Yorozuya. He was clearly not in his right state of mind. He just slept with Yorozuya after he had a vulnerable moment remembering his past lover. Does that even count as consensual sex? Yorozuya wouldn’t have done this if he had been in the right state of mind, it was just the vulnerability of remembering the past that pushed him to kiss Toshirou. He’s still in love with Kuroyasha after all.

However, the sex was great. Amazing even. The best one he has had in probably all his life. It was like Yorozuya knew just what he likes. It was only because Yorozuya was a good fuck that he offered to do it again some other time. He didn’t mind helping the perm head to just use him for the sex while still loving someone else. He also got something out of it after all. 

Toshirou ignored the weird sensation on his chest, too tight for his liking.

He was fine with being just fuck buddies.

Chapter Text

Time passed and Yorozuya and Toshirou started forming a routine. Whenever they happen to meet at Oba-san’s izakaya during one of Toshirou’s free days they would share a drink or two and eventually end up in the nearest love hotel they could find. They kissed and fucked and then pretended nothing happened as they both left the room going back to their rivalry status. They acted like they didn’t frequently have amazing sex in random love hotels.

So far no one seemed to have found out about their new activities, nor the subtle change in their relationship. They haven’t really talked since that first day and Toshirou doesn’t know how to feel about that. 

However, despite how much Toshirou wanted to believe this was free from any sort of feelings and it was just sex to let some steam off, he couldn’t help but think their relationship had actually changed. Though he was not sure if it was for the better.

Yorozuya seemed a little uncomfortable with their new arrangement at times. Sometimes, he looks like he wants to say something and he even looks troubled at times, like he regrets this. It only makes Toshirou feel more guilt about going on with this. 

It’s clear to Toshirou that Yorozuya is feeling troubled about Kuroyasha since he obviously still loves him. He may be trying to forget him with Toshirou or was just using him to satisfy his sexual urges while still being in love with his past lover. And Toshirou took advantage of this vulnerable side of him to have a sex partner who was amazing in bed. 

So he has been feeling like the shittiest man alive for the past few months since they started with this. 

And what’s worse, he feels like he’s starting to develop other kinds of feelings towards Yorozuya besides lust which only makes him feel more shitty. He wants to stop, for both his and Yorozuya’s sake, but… the sex is amazing. Really, it was like Yorozuya knew him like the back of his hand and was completely aware of all his weaknesses. Like he has known him for decades instead of just a year or so. 

So he tried to act like he only cared about the sex and like Yorozuya was only his fuck buddy and nothing else. He tried to distance himself from the other man, still calling him Yorozuya when they were not in bed, even in his own head. He acted like they were nothing more than acquaintances outside of the love hotel. And he acted like his heart hadn’t started to beat faster whenever he saw the permhead on the streets.

He acted and acted, just like how he did with Mitsuba and just like how he thought he would never have to act again after her death. 

He acted like there’s nothing more between them than just sex, because there isn’t. Yorozuya is a lazy bastard and an ex Joui and Toshirou is the Shinsengumi Vice-Commander. They are polar opposites and rivals. They hate each other even if their bodies complement each other so perfectly. 

So he acted like there’s no growing feelings there. Like they don’t have a deeper level of understanding between them that Toshirou has never felt with anyone else. Like it doesn’t hurt to think that Yorozuya is just using him to get over his ex. Like Toshirou doesn’t want to move on from the fuck buddies status, though, on what direction, he’s not completely sure. 

But he is fine with how things are right now, he really is. And if he starts staying in bed besides Gi-Yorozuya after they finish having sex then that’s just because he is tired from all the activity they just did and not because he wants to stay near Ginto-Yorozuya’s warmth a little longer. If he starts slipping in public and calling him Gintoki instead of Yorozuya or another nickname/insult then it’s because of all the times he calls his name on the sheets. 

If he stops avoiding the man whenever they meet on the streets it is because he knows by now that avoiding him will not stop them from meeting again somewhere else and he has a route he has to do during patrol that he can’t change just to avoid one single man. It definitely isn’t because he likes seeing him, likes the smile Gintoki always has lately when they meet. Likes getting to see him even for a little before going back to a boring day of patrol. Nop, no, it’s definetly not because he likes any of that.

If he starts agreeing to meet Gintoki outside of drinks or sex is just because he doesn’t have anything else to do with his time. If he also starts getting closer to Gintoki’s kids it is just because they are good kids, not because he actually likes Gintoki or anything. If their hangouts start to look more and more like dates as time progresses is just everyone else’s imagination. 

Yeah, they’re just imagining things, and no, they are not on a date, how many times does he have to say it?! They are just fuck buddies who are kinda-friends outside of sex. He is just helping his kinda-friend to forget his ex. That’s what kinda-friends do. There’s nothing else going on with him or his heart. He knows Gintoki will never love him back as long as he still loves Kuroyasha.

Because Gintoki may not say it, but it’s clear he still loves his past lover. Toshirou has no chance of ever replacing him.

Gintoki feels elated. Things have been going great with Toshirou lately. They have been getting closer lately that the fuck buddies title does not longer fit them. If anything, it feels more like friends-with-benefits. Sure it’s not what he hoped, but it’s at least something. 

Lately, Toshirou has been more open to hanging out outside of sex even going as far as joining Gintoki and the kids for meals. Toshirou still keeps his distance most of the time, but not like he did before. He seems more relaxed around Gintoki now and he’s glad about it. Gintoki sometimes feels guilty about hiding Toshirou’s past from him, but he tries to not reveal a thing, feeling the time to not be right yet. 

And that’s how months pass, they hang out and they have sex and they get closer everytime. Toshirou starts to stay longer after sex, he starts accepting to come to Gintoki’s place when the kids are out instead of going to random love hotels. He starts accompanying Gintoki on his days off to wherever the silver haired asks him to. They watch movies in his place both with and without the kids. They drink and have dinner together before going to either yorozuya or a love hotel (depending if Kagura’s at home). 

They still fight like they used to, but now there’s less bite on either part. Toshirou stops glaring at him with hate and instead with just mild annoyance. 

Toshirou cuddles against Gintoki’s side after a few rounds of sex, already half asleep, but still concious and doesn’t mind when Gintoki cuddles him back. 

It all makes it incredibly hard for Gintoki to keep hiding his love for the man and he is sure he is not able to successfully hide his feelings all the time if the stares of Kagura and Shinpachi whenever the three meet the officer are anything to go by.

But he’s determined to keep those feelings for himself because he is not sure they will be well received by Toshirou. Sure, they have sex together and they are no longer sworn enemies, but Toshirou has been so obviously trying to keep his distance. At times, he’s sure Toshirou catches him staring at him with fond eyes, but he always looks away instead of acknowledging it. Gintoki fears that if he were to confess now it will only push him away. So he’s fine with how things are now that they’re friendlier to each other. He can wait. He will make Toshirou fall for him eventually. 

If you asked him what compelled him to agree to start going more frequently to Gintoki’s place it was just because going to love hotels everytime was getting too expensive. It wasn’t just because Gintoki’s old futon smelled better than those sketchy beds or because he felt more relaxed there. They had just finished having sex in Gintoki’s futon that now smelled like both of them when Toshirou turned to stare at him. It was moments like this that made him feel like what they had was deeper than just sex. Like they didn’t love someone else besides each other. Like they loved each other. 

The question he has been dying to ask for a while was on the tip of his tongue.

“Why did you join the war?” He asked instead beacuse ‘ What are we? ’ sounded too stupid even in his own mind.

Gintoki had his eyes closed, one arm around Toshirou’s waist  and the other under his head. He didn’t answer right away, but Toshirou knew he was awake. 

For a moment, Toshirou worried he had crossed the line, but then Gintoki opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “To protect someone.” He answered finally, a far away look in his eyes. 

Toshirou frowned and looked up too. “I would say that doesn’t make sense, but I get it.” He sighed. 

There’s something in Gintoki’s voice that’s enough for him to understand. He wanted to save someone and joining the war was the only way, or so it seemed he wanted to say. And he gets that because he would do it too. For Kondo and Sougo and the rest of the Shinsengumi, and yes, Gintoki too. He would join a million wars to save them too.

He knows he should have shut up then, already too close to the line, but he couldn’t help himself, but ask. “Did you manage to keep them safe? That person?” He blurted out.

Again, it took too long for Gintoki to answer as he continued to stare at the ceiling, eyes void of any emotion in a way that made Toshirou feel guilty for his question. “I did…” He said, voice soft, too soft that he was barely able to hear him despite their faces being very close to each other.

“Oh…” Was all Toshirou could say. 

So he lost them.

“Maybe I should go…” He muttered, sitting up. The guilt caused by asking such personal questions made him want to flee, feeling like he was overstepping. 

Gintoki sat up too, now looking at him. “Why? Weren’t you going to stay the night?” He asked, face back in his normal state that was just fake desinterest, but not hidden pain like before. 

“I-” He began, but didn’t know how to continue. 

“You don’t have to leave.” Gintoki said, taking his hand. 

Toshirou stared at their joined hands. “I shouldn’t overstep.” More than he already did.

“You’re not.” Gintoki assured him. “I like it when you stay the night.”

Toshirou blushed and ignored how that single phrase made his heart beat faster. “I feel like I have been intruding too much.”

“Toshirou, you aren’t.” He said again, voice firm. “You don’t have to apologize for asking anything. It’s not like you’re forcing me to answer. If I want to answer then I will.” Gintoki smirked. “Don’t worry, if you really were overstepping I would have already punched you.”

That really shouldn’t make Toshirou smile like it did.

“Then I guess I’ll have to punch you back, don’t I?” He moved closer to Gintoki. 

Gintoki raised an eyebrow, but continued smirking. “I don’t think that’s fair, officer.”

“Life’s not fair.” Toshirou smirked back, their faces now too close. 

“Unfairness is not allowed in this household.” Gintoki said. “So to make up to it I should be able to ask things too.”

Toshirou snorted. “If that was true then you would pay your employees.” He joked. “But I guess I’ll let you ask. I don’t promise to answer, though.” Toshirou leaned closer to Gintoki’s lips.

“Where did you learn to use the sword?” Gintoki blurted out, making Toshirou pull back, slightly startled. 

“What?” He asked, a little confused by the sudden question. Why would he ask about that?

“Where did you learn to use the sword? Your style is slightly different than the Gorilla’s” Gintoki repeated, more sure and slow this time.

Toshirou frowned about the odd question. “I don’t know.” He admitted. “One day I just took a bokuto and was able to beat a bunch of assholes as if I have been practicing for years.” He said. “Not too long after I joined Kondo’s dojo and I learned the rest there.”

“So what, you suddenly woke up being a sword wielding prodigy?” Gintoki asked, sounding for some reason very annoyed.

Toshirou shrugged. “I guess.” He muttered. “It was really weird, but I had been having a pretty confusing week so that was the least of my worries. It actually became useful so I didn’t think too much of it.”

“Weird? Weird how?” Gintoki asked.

Toshirou hummed, trying to think of a way to explain it without making it sound too unbelievable. “I had just woken up from a coma not long before. But I didn’t feel like I had been lying unconscious in bed for 7 months.” He admitted, not knowing why he decided to tell him this even if he had only told Kondo once after years of knowing him and while very drunk. “In fact, I felt like I was in better shape than before I went into a coma.” Definitely less starved. 

“Isn’t that weird?” Gintoki asked, sounding frustrated. 

Toshirou nodded. “Yeah, I guess, but I don’t know how to explain it. One day I was searching for provisions and the next I was 7 months in the future. I turned 17 during my coma. A few seasons changed. I lost 7 months of my life that I will never be able to recover.” Gintoki winced and Toshirou stared at him. 

“I’m sorry…”

Toshirou sighed. “It’s fine. That was the deal, right? You get to ask a question after I asked one first, right?”

Gintoki stared at his lap. “I-”

“Look, it’s not that bad. Sure, I don’t go around announcing I was in a coma, but it wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was probably better that way.” Gintoki grimaced. “I was about to starve to death before that day and I would have probably died during those months if I hadn’t gone into a coma and taken to a hospital.”

Gintoki glared at the floor. “Who says you’d have died?”

He shrugged. “I had nowhere else to go. It was only after waking up that I decided to go back to Bushuu. Before that coma I was not planning to ever going back there, but after I woke up something told me I should.” He shrugged as Gintoki remained quiet. “Anyway, I think I can ask something else now.”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. “Are we playing 20 questions now?”

Toshirou shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

Gintoki snorted, but smiled. “Fine, ask.”

“So…” What are we? “Where you the one who made Katsura start bothering me?” He asked instead, still too afraid to know the answer to the other question.

Gintoki stared at him with confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Everytime we cross paths, Katsura asks me to join his side.” He snorted, rolling his eyes. “As if I’ll ever join him. He has the idea that we’re friends for some reason.” He stared at Gintoki who looked ready to throw up. “You two are friends, aren’t you? Do you know why he does that?”

Gintoki shrugged, looking uncomfortable. “Ah, you know Zura. He’s an idiot.” He said. “Probably confused you for some random character or something.” He said awkwardly.

“You mean Kuroyasha?” He asked, frowning. 

Gintoki’s eyes widened for a second, panic passing through them before it changed into fake disinterest. “What makes you believe that?” He asked, the tension in his shoulders betrayed the dead fish eyes. Sometimes he was really easy to read.

Toshirou shrugged. “Well, you have confused me for him before, maybe he did so too.” He said. “They knew each other, right?” Gintoki nodded tensely. “So maybe he confused me too. Do I really look so similar to him?”

Gintoki looks up at him and stares for a while. “Erm…”

Toshirou sighed and laid back down on the futon, his back to Gintoki. “Forget I asked.” He said. He doesn’t know why he brought it up. Gintoki always gets tense when they talk about Kuroyasha. It’s probably hard to get reminded of his ex who he can’t forget. 

Gintoki laid next to him, quiet. “Goodnight, Toshirou…”

“Night, Gintoki.” He says, looking at the moon outside the window for a while. Eventually he felt Gintoki’s breaths becoming slower, indicating he had fallen asleep. Soon after, Gintoki placed an arm over him and Toshirou let him, feeling his warmth and thinking he shouldn’t be the one in his arms. 

This place was meant for Kuroyasha, not him.

Chapter Text

The Shinsengumi and the Yorozuya were tasked into protecting the Shogun’s life together. At first, they didn’t seem to be in much danger of an attack, especially considering the Yorozuya’s poor job at impersonating the Shogun. Toshirou tried to not let his guard down, but Gintoki and his kids were making it difficult. 

If one thing had resulted from his and Gintoki’s ‘relationship’ was that both Gintoki and his kids treated Toshirou with far more familiarity than they should. And sure, he’s fine with that most of the time even if he keeps correcting Kagura into not calling him ‘Toshi’ mostly out of habit. But it wasn’t ideal to have the trio of idiots being so familiar with him when they were in the middle of an important mission. 

Then they were attacked and everything went to shit. 

Most of the fight happened in Iga, the ninja village along with the real Shogun. Kondo and him got separated at some point to let the Yorozuya escape with the Shogun. 

At the end, they all survived the battle, though not without some injuries. The Shogun was still alive, but he was no longer the Shogun, now he was just Shigeshige who had to go into hiding while Nobunobu came into power. Gintoki was sent to a hospital, but the rest seemed fine enough. 

He will never admit this, but in a moment of weakness, Toshirou went to the hospital with a bouquet of white flowers in one hand. He stood in the reception for several minutes until a curious nurse came to ask him why he was there. He shoved the flowers into her arms and asked her to deliver them at Gintoki’s room before leaving, not willing himself to look back and see if she did as asked. 

He left and tried not to think of Gintoki. This was not the time to think about his complicated feelings for the perm head, with the change in government and all. 

He had barely sat down on his futon to rest when the news came. Shigeshige died. Killed by someone he trusted and under Pops’ care. And they were blaming both Pops and Kondo. Toshirou tought it was pure bullshit. It was not their fault if someone betrayed them, they couldn’t have known. Kondo was not even close to where they had taken him. 

The funeral happened a few days later. Toshirou along with the whole Shinsengumi attended the funeral. There was such a grim atmosphere around the city that was suffocating even for him. It was only when the funeral was about to end that he noticed Kondo was nowhere to be seen. 

He wondered if he had stayed at the barracks with the belief that he didn’t deserve to be there even if Toshirou didn’t believe that to be true. He sighed, thinking of what to tell Kondo to stop blaming himself for something that was out of his power. 

Sougo and himself took a car back to the barracks only to see a Mimawarigumi car taking Kondo away. He didn’t need it to be explained to him, he knew why he was in that car. 

Kondo smiled at them through the car’s window and Toshirou knew what it meant. 

‘ Don’t do anything stupid. ’ 

By the time he arrived at the barracks, he was already numb, even if Sougo and the rest of the Shinsengumi were rioting over their leader being taken. Toshirou could barely make out their voices and he almost missed the “ I’m sorry… ” whispered behind him. It was only because he wasn’t expecting to hear that voice here that he turned.

Gintoki wasn’t looking at him and instead had his eyes locked on the floor. He was supporting himself on a crutch and even if he couldn’t see his face under the wild mess of hair, he noticed the guilt right away.

“There’s nothing you could’ve done. This is not your fault.” He said, but it didn’t make Gintoki look any less guilty. 

He felt like he should say something to reassure him since he knew it was not Gintoki’s fault in any way, but right now he could not think properly. Kondo had been taken and he was not sure where the rest of them stood now without their leader. 

A Mimawarigumi officer came not much later to inform them that the barracks were now closed for anyone, including them. They all complained and tried to start a fight, but Toshirou demanded them to stop and to just gather their most valuable belongings and leave. As they gathered in an abandoned temple, they all wanted to do something about Kondo, to save him. Toshirou remained quiet until they addressed him. He told them what he thought Kondo would have wanted. For all of them to live their lives free and follow their heart. 

He was a hypocrite, because he wanted to save Kondo just as much as the rest of them. But just like Kondo, he didn’t want anyone else to die. 

He walked away as the rest continued talking, probably to plan something despite his or Kondo’s wishes. It was only when he was out of there that he realized Gintoki was still there. He had not even realized he followed them here and wondered why he had stuck around. 

“I’m sorry.” He said again standing up to follow him. 

“I told you it’s not your fault, Gintoki.” He said. The name slipped out before he could stop it, but he was too tired to care if anyone else heard.

“You can stay at my place.” Gintoki said, walking next to him.

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Is this for pity?” He asked, slightly irked.

Gintoki frowned. “I think we’re far beyond that, don’t you think?” He asked, sounding slightly frustrated.

Toshirou sighed, knowing he was right. “Either way, I don’t want to impose.” He said, continuing to walk. “Thanks for the offer, though.”

“You wouldn’t be imposing, Toshirou. I was the one who offered.” Gintoki said, trying to keep up with him despite the crutches. 

“What about China?” He asked. 

“Kagura likes you, believe it or not. She would not mind.” He assured him. 

Toshirou sighed. “Look, Gintoki. I really apreciate the offer, but I don’t think it’s the best idea.” He said, turning to look at Gintoki who was looking at him with dead fish eyes. “I don’t feel like having sex whil-” 

“I never said anything about sex.” Gintoki interrupted him, face going from falsely disinterested to angry in a split second. “Would it be such a surprise if I offered because I actually care about you?”

Toshirou’s eyes widened. “Wh-what?” He stuttered.

“Not everything is about sex. I actually like spending time with you, Toshirou. I thought you did too.” Gintoki said, voice low. His eyes were filled with anger, but there was also a glint of hurt. “But forget I even asked.” He huffed as he began walking again, leaving a shocked Toshirou behind. 

“Wa-wait!” He yelled. “That’s not what I meant!” He said. Gintoki continued walking as Toshirou walked behind him. He could easily catch up to him, but he let Gintoki walk ahead. “I also like to spend time with you, okay?” He said, slightly embarrassed from the admition. Gintoki continued walking, though a little slower. “And I know it’s not all about sex and I'm sorry I jumped into that conclusion.” He was itching for a cigarette but he used all his pack during the day. “I just…” sometimes think you’re only using me to forget Kuroyasha… “Want to find my own place by my own means.” He finished lamely.

Gintoki sighed. “Call me if you need anything.” He said, before leaving Toshirou behind. This time he didn’t go after him, feeling like an asshole.

He rented a hotel room for the night while he found something more permanent. The next day he went looking for a job and miraculously found one soon with the local police. Kosenigata quickly took him under his wing and while he was being really bothersome, Toshirou appreciated the man. 

After much begging, Toshirou finally let Kosenigata invite him for some drinks at Snack Smile, though he never expected to see Gintoki there. Things between them were a little tense, they haven’t seen each other since that night when he turned down Gintoki’s offer to stay at his place. He was not sure what Gintoki now felt about him after their little fight. He didn’t seem to hate him, but he didn’t seem particularly pleased with him either. 

Gintoki didn’t take long to start a fight with him and it was too easy to go along with it and insult back, ignoring Haji and Kosenigata’s comments about how Gintoki made Toshirou look less depressed. 

However, it was not much later that none other than Nobunobu himself showed up, followed by a bunch of Mimawarigumi officers including Sasaki. The bastard that was the new shogun kept taunting him about Kondo and then ordered the officers to strike 2 cabaret girls with their swords much to his outrage. 

Before he could think of the consequences, he turned to punch the damn bastard in his stupid face, only to realize too late that his fist made contact with Gintoki’s face instead of Nobunobu. Gintoki had gotten in the way, why ?

He was frozen, staring at Gintoki’s bleeding nose as he took Toshirou’s fist away from his face. “Save that punch for the idiot boss who left you guys behind.” Gintoki said before turning around and punching Nobunobu, sending him flying into a table. “This isn’t a matter for you cops. A drunk is best punched by another drunk.” Gintoki looked at the unconscious shogun coldly. 

The Mimawarigumi officers pointed their sword at him as Sasaki went to check on Nobunobu, taking a picture. He turned to look at him. “Sakata-san… I never expected you to act out before Hijikata-san. For a worthless reason, you went and committed a sin that a hundred seppukus couldn’t atone for.”

Had Gintoki just put his own life at risk for him?

Toshirou could barely hear Gintoki taunting Sasaki as he stared frozen at him. Why did he do that? Why did he get in the way?

It was only when he saw Gintoki getting handcuffed that he got back his senses. He stood between them and the exit, glaring at Sasaki. 

“What are you doing, Hijikata-san?” Sasaki asked. Gintoki glared at Toshirou, telling him to let it be with his eyes, but he ignored him. He wasn’t going to let the idiot get executed for Toshirou’s sake. 

“We can’t let you take him away.” Haji said as she and Kozenigata surrounded the Mimawarigumi officers. “If we kept quiet here, we wouldn’t be cops anymore, let alone hard-boiled. Right, Aniki?” She said, smiling at Kosenigata.

“Regardless of who you’re up against, if we can’t tell who we should punish and who we should protect, we cops are done for. You guys are the weird ones here. At this rate, this country will fall to ruin, Commissioner-General.” Kozenigata then started another one of his monologues but was interrupted by Haji.

Sasaki completely ignored them as he took another step in Toshirou’s direction. “Do you know why humans have survived for 5 billion years in Earth’s ever-changing environment? It’s because we adapt. Humans have survived this long by adapting to all kinds of changes like that. Yes, the heroes this time don’t protect the weak. But you’ll get used to it eventually. No, you have no choice but to get used to it. Because as much as you might lament or fight that fact, the old era, and the old heroes, won’t ever come back. If you don’t adapt, you’ll just walk the path of destruction, like the Shinsengumi.” Sasaki said.

Toshirou clenched his fists trying to stop himself from killing the bastard. “If I may, Commissioner-General, none of us has died yet.” Toshirou said, trying to control himself from insulting him in the face.

“That is if you stay put right there, Hijikata-san.” Sasaki said as he began to walk towards him and in the direction of the exit, his men pulled Gintoki along. “If you so much as lift a finger, you and your comrades will vanish from history as traitors. It should be clear to you now, you can no longer be heroes.”

Toshirou used all his strength to contain himself as Gintoki walked calmly beside him without glancing at him once. Just as he was about to turn around and attempt something very stupid, he heard a feminine voice.

“Are you leaving, sirs?” She said as Sasaki, his men and Gintoki stopped walking. “But you haven’t partaken of your orders yet. I was just bringing them to you.” Toshirou didn’t bother looking at her.

“I don’t recall ever ordering those.” Sasaki said.

“Oh…” she muttered. “It was the customer who was sitting over there until just now, a man in his tighty-whities, who ordered them for you.” Why did that description remind him of someone?

“Tighty-whities?” Sasaki asked skeptically.

“We’ve already been paid for them, so there’s no need for that.” She said. “We don’t expect anything from the Bakufu or the police anymore.” This finally made Toshirou look up and stare at ‘her’ in surprise. ‘She’ took the hairpin out of her - his - long hair, revealing himself to be Katsura. “Because there’s a hero right here.”

Whatever was in that plate he was holding exploded. 

He didn't stop to think, he pushed his way between the Mimawarigumi officers and took Gintoki’s arm -hands still in handcuffs- and ran, pulling him along, taking advantage of the opportunity Katsura just created.

He never thought he would say this, but he was glad the fugitive showed up just then. He was really close to doing something stupid and this worked out better than starting a fist fight with armed men would have. 

He guided Gintoki to his new place in the meantime. Toshirou used some spare keys to uncuff Gintoki. After that, they just remained quiet for a while, until Gintoki stood up again. 

“I shouldn’t stay long.” He said, not looking at him. “They will eventually come here looking for me.”

“I don’t think you’re their priority right now.” Toshirou said, he was leaning against the dirty window, staring up at the moon with a cigarette between his fingers. “You can stay the night.”

“I thought you didn’t want to stay with me.” Gintoki’s voice was even, but Toshirou could still make out the undertone of anger in him.

He turned to look at him, but Gintoki still wasn’t looking at him, instead choosing to stare at the floor. “I already apologized for that, Gintoki.” He said, a little frustrated and not knowing how to handle this. He was not used to apologizing, especially when he actually felt like he had fucked up. 

“Right.” Gintoki mumbled. “I should leave now.” He started walking towards the door, but Toshirou held his hand, stopping him from leaving. 

“Look, I’m sorry. I fucked up, okay?” He said, almost growling. “It was wrong of me to assume you were just expecting to have sex with me, but can you really blame me?” He glared at Gintoki who glared back. “For all I know we only meet occasionally to fuck or so I can pay for your meals.” Gintoki shook his hand off his. “And I get it, I fucked up when I thought that was all you cared about. Being you and all…” He sighed, rubbing his eyes. “I’m sor-”

“What do you mean ‘ being me ’?” Gintoki asked, sounding even more annoyed.

Toshirou looked him in the eyes. “I meant just that.” He deadpaned. 

Gintoki frowned deeper. “And that means?”

Toshirou sighed, really wishing they weren’t having this conversation. “I meant that you’re a really caring person. Even if you sometimes act like you aren’t.” He looked away again. “I know you wouldn’t invite me for lunch with your kids if I was actually just a random booty call.”

“You were never a ‘ random booty call ’.” Gintoki said, voice soft which made Toshirou glance back at him slightly surprised. Gintoki was looking at the floor, but he had a rare vulnerable look on his face.

Toshirou immediately recognized that face. It was the one he put whenever he mentioned Kuroyasha. “Right…” He muttered. “I-I see.” He looked around, trying to get something else to distract him from the pang in his chest. “Anyway, you can sleep here for the night or whatever. I have an extra futon. Though, it probably stinks.”

Gintoki glanced at him and sighed. “I appreciate the offer, but I really think it would be safer to find somewhere else to stay. Knowing that text maniac, he will probably guess I’m here. He’s a creep like that.” He turned around. 

“Why did you do it?” Toshirou asked, looking at the floor. 

Gintoki stopped. “Do what?” He asked.

Toshirou glared at the floor. “Why did you punch the Shogun?” He looked at Gintoki’s back. 

Gintoki shrugged. “He deserved it.” He did, but that wasn’t what Toshirou meant.

“Then why did you get in the way? I was already going to punch him. Why put yourself at risk in my stead?” He asked. 

Gintoki turned his head around to look at him briefly over his shoulder before turning back around. “I already said it, didn’t I? Police officers should stay out of petty drunken fights.”

Toshirou growled. “I’m serious!” He exclaimed. “You didn’t need to do that for me! I was prepared for the consequences. What about your kids? What will happen to them if you become a fugitive? If you’re executed?!”

Gintoki turned around again to glare at him. “ My kids would be fine.” He growled. “But what about your men? They are useless without you!”

“They don’t need me.” He spat out. “They need Kondo-san, not me. And since he’s gone, there’s no point in trying to lead them anywh-.” 

He was punched in the face, stopping him from what he was saying. “I never pegged you for a coward.” Gintoki spat out.

Toshirou held his sore cheek in one hand and glared at Gintoki. “I’m not.” He growled. “But they are safer this way. If I or either of them were to try anything we would all die. I can’t let that happen. And if that means I have to sit around and do nothing then so be it.” He let his hand fall to his side, ignoring the throbbing pain in one side of his face. “That punch, while stupid, would have only gotten me killed, not all of them.”

“And why would I let that happen?” Gintoki growled. 

Toshirou shrugged. “I know you care about everyone and you would put yourself in danger for just about every single person in the city. Even me.” He said, sighing. “But sometimes you have to think of those who need you the most. You can’t leave your kids alone. And as a police officer, I can’t let you take the downfall for me.”

Gintoki sighed frustrated. “Why did you have to become a police officer of all things?” He asked mostly to himself. There was only one answer to that and he was sure Gintoki already knew so he didn’t bother deeming that with an answer. 

There was another minute of awkward silence before Gintoki looked at him again. “I’m leaving. I will find somewhere else to hide. You shouldn’t let wanted criminals into your home.” 

Toshirou glared at him, but nodded, not knowing what else to say to convince him to stay. He ignored tha pang in his chest as he watched him leave. 

Chapter Text

Toshirou was not sure what made him go there, but one moment he was regretting everything and the next he was at Shimura’s front door. He knocked and soon the woman let him in without a word, she looked just as miserable as he felt. Gintoki’s kids were already there. A big part of him had just wanted to make sure Shimura was fine after last night. At the moment he hadn’t even bothered to make sure she had gotten out of there safely. 

But another part just wanted to make it up to Gintoki by looking out for those he cared the most just like how he has done several times for him. 

Shimura had already told the kids about what happened in Snack Smile. They didn’t know of Gintoki’s whereabouts and while worried, they believed he was fine. In fact, the kids seemed to already know something, making them look more at ease than how he and the older Shimura felt.

The kids then told him that Sougo and the rest were already planning something, but Sougo didn’t want to make any move until Toshirou went with them. He felt another pang in his chest, one that he actually knew what it meant. Was it really fine to just sit back and let everyone else remain alive at the cost of their consciousness and happiness? Or should they risk their lifes to save Kondo?

They all wanted the same thing and were willing to risk their life for it. He stood up, leaving them to go to the barracks for the first time since Kondo was arrested. 

The gate was blocked out with yellow tape. He stood in front of it, placing a hand on it, debating on the pros and cons of getting the whole government against them, until he noticed a familiar presence beside him. 

“Forgot something?” Gintoki asked. 

“Yeah.” Toshirou said, still staring at the gate instead of Gintoki. “But if I take it back, that’ll be the end.” He could lose more than just Kondo. “If I open these doors, I’ll never be able to come back here again.” The entire Shinsengumi would be gone.

“Same as me. A long time ago, I went through something similar. There were two things I wanted to protect. I didn’t want to lose either one. But I ended up in a situation where if I didn’t throw one away, I’d lose both.” Gintoki said.

He wondered if he meant Kuroyasha. “Which did you choose?” He asked.

“I tried to protect both. But it was the same as throwing them both away.” Toshirou turned to look at him in shock. Gintoki’s eyes betrayed the pain he felt reliving those memories. “I still dream about it, and wonder if there was a better way to go about it.” Gintoki turned to look at him. “But there’s no need for you to hesitate, is there?” He said walking towards Toshirou. “It’s still not too late.”

Gintoki put a hand on the gate and sent a small smile at him. Toshirou stared at him for a moment. Sometimes he forgets how amazing this man can be. Feeling Gintoki’s support finally made him have the strength to do what he needed to do. 

All the Shinsengumi were already there in their uniforms and under the rain, waiting for him to finally come. 

“You can still protect both.” Gintoki said behind him. “You can… You all can.”

Toshirou tried to hold back a smile as Sougo threw him his uniform.  “You forgot something, Vice-Commander. Change into that and give us our orders already.” Sougo said.

He put an unlit cigarette in his mouth and picked up the wet uniform with a ‘DIE’ written on the back. “Should go without saying. Whoever scribbled on my uniform, commit seppuku!” He said.

He let his men guide him to a meeting with Katsura’s faction, led by Elizabeth. Toshirou missed having Gintoki by his side, but it was better if he stayed out of this. He didn’t want him to be in danger for his sake. 

They made a plan and went to Kokujo where Katsura, Kondo and Matsudaira were imprisioned. They soon departed on a ship once the sun had already set in. 

They were ambushed soon after and a fight started against the Naraku. This had been a possibility that they had considered before and they had been ready to fight from the start. What he never took into account was Gintoki and the kids appearing seemingly out of nowhere to help. 

Toshirou stared at Gintoki for a moment in shock, surprised at his arrival, his heart beating rapidly. Why was this man risking his life for him again? Why was he so selfless? Why couldn’t he stay somewhere safe and let Toshirou risk his own life alone?

He wanted to demand some answers from the perm head, but they were in the middle of a fight and that could wait even if he wanted to knock some sense into the idiot. Really, it wasn’t enough throwing that punch? With this he will never be able to go back to Edo like Toshirou.

Why did he feel better knowing he had Gintoki watching his back? Why did he feel like he could trust no one else more than Gintoki on the battlefield? Why were they so syncronized everytime they fought together as if they had fought a hundred battles together? Why did it feel so natural to be at Gintoki’s side as they took down their enemies together?

A part of him knew and it had known for a while but kept denying. He is not denying it anymore, but he doesn’t want to think about it yet. Especially not now in the middle of a battlefield. 

While they were able to rest for a while as they made the rest of the way to the island, trouble soon found them once they were there. The attack soon started again and Toshirou got separated from the rest, going on his own to find Kondo. He found him and then got separated from him again as he fought Sasaki. They began to get attacked by the Naraku and Sasaki counterattacked revealing to not be on their side either. 

He found Kondo again, but he was dead.

He was ready to give up then, seeing no point in continuing when the man who had done so much for him all these years laid dead before him, with him unable to do anything to save him. It was Gintoki who got him out of his depressed state. The fight continued and Kondo and Sasaki were revealed to still be alive. An attack from the Mimawarigumi against the Naraku allowed them to escape, but Sasaki died. 

While the Shinsengumi were pleased to get both Kondo and Matsudaira back, they weren’t quite happy with the outcome. Sasaki and a few of them died during the battle and now they were officially labeled as criminals. They couldn’t stay in Edo.

When Katsura told them that the best course of action right now for them was to leave Edo and travel around the country to get more support before they could come back, they had no choice but to agree. Staying here would be suicide at the moment and Toshirou knew that. 

Even so, he doesn’t want to leave. Doesn’t want to leave the place he had come to call his home, nor the people that live here that he had started to consider as friends, as family. 

And he doesn’t want to leave Gintoki.

He thanked Katsura for all his help during this time of crisis to which Katsura insisted he would do so anytime for an old friend like Toshirou. He didn’t feel like correcting him this time. 

Gintoki was sitting outside the shrine they had been hiding in, holding an umbrella over his head but sitting on the wet floor. They didn't say a word as they went to the place they always favored. Oba-san greeted them as usual and quickly started preparing their usuals. Toshirou noticed the place was uncharacteristically empty for the hour, but you could expect that with how dangerous this city had become since Nobunobu came into power. No one wanted to stay outside so late. But Toshirou was glad of the privacy they’re getting even if the reasons are not ideal. 

“We knew things would end up this way, but it’s still ironic.” Toshirou said, holding a cigarette in one hand and looking somewhere over Oba-san who was preparing their meals. “We always fought to remain the Shinsengumi, no matter what happened. And yet, because of that, we can’t remain the Shinsengumi anymore?” He said, leaning into his hand, exhausted with everything.

“So Zura tricked you and sucked you dry, huh?” Gintoki, who looked just as exhausted, said. “That’s why I told you to be wary of that con man.”

Toshirou looked at Gintoki from the corner of his eye. “What are you going to do? You helped us out, so you can’t stay in Edo anymore, either.” He doesn’t want Gintoki staying here where it’s too dangerous. 

Gintoki takes a sip from his tea. “If even yorozuya left after you guys, it’d make the people of Edo sad, right, Oba-chan?” He said as Oba-san nodded. 

Toshirou blew some smoke from his cigarette and looked at Gintoki again. “You’re saying you’ll stay? Do you really understand the situation? Edo no longer has-” He stopped, realizing Gintoki’s motivations. “That’s exactly why, huh?” He muttered, feeling his heart clench inside his chest.

Gintoki is staying in this dangerous city to protect it while the Shinsengumi can’t so they can leave peacefully without worries knowing the city will still be protected in their absence. Sometimes he really hates how selfless this man is. He owns this man so much, how can he even begin to repay him?

Toshirou sees the alcohol behind the counter “I’ve got some good alcohol stocked up here.” He said. “I don’t like drinking in a big group, so I often came here and drank by myself. You can have it.” He felt Gintoki’s gaze on him. “They’re expensive, so drink them one at a time. By the time you’ve finished all of them, I’ll be back.” He promised to come back to him. “And I’ll repay the rest of the debt then.”

“I’ll gladly take the booze, but I don’t recall ever doing you a favor.” Gintoki said.

“Oh, you did.” Toshirou said as he remembered everything the man has done for him and the Shinsengumi. He really owes so much to this man. “Your faulty brain may have forgotten, but I remember. I'll never forget.” 

“Even if I did, you repaid me a long time ago. I’m the one who got help recovering something I’d forgotten.” Gintoki smiled at him, though it gave off sad vibes. “So don’t come back carrying some debt to be repaid. Bring back a bottle of booze, not to drink alone, but to be shared with a big group. That's more than enough.”

Before he could say anything else, Oba-san placed a Hijikata Special in front of him and a Uji Gintoki bowl in front of Gintoki. “Here you are. Your usual.” She said happily. “One Uji Gintoki bowl and one Hijikata Special.” She smiles proudly as they stare at their respective bowls. “Huh? What’s the matter, you two? Not eating?” She asked, confused by their hesitation. 

“Nah…” Gintoki pushes his Uji Gintoki bowl to Toshirou’s side as he pushes the Hijikata Special to his. 

He smiled softly staring at the bowl of cat food. “Sorry, Oba-san, but today…”

“It’s the other way around.” Both said taking the other’s usual. They started eating as Oba-san looked at them with surprise. When they finished their respective bowls, both him and Gintoki struggled to not throw up. “That was awful.” Both said at the same time. Oba-san started laughing, making both laugh as well. Sometimes, Toshirou is really surprised about how comfortable he feels around Gintoki unlike with anyone else in his life. How he can laugh and relax even at the worst times if it’s beside him. How much he feels completed when the other is around.

With their meals done, they both stand up to leave, but Toshirou wanted to prolong the night. They walked side by side in the empty street and Toshirou took up the courage to take Gintoki’s hand for the first time outside of a private room. Gintoki turned to stare at him with slight surprise, but he intertwined his fingers with Toshirou’s either way. 

Toshirou took a deep breath and leaned closer, kissing Gintoki in the middle of the street where anyone could see them, but no longer caring about being seen with him. Gintoki kissed him back softly. 

“Want to come to my place?” Gintoki asked once they separated from the kiss. “Kagura is staying with Otae today.”

Toshirou raises an eyebrow. “Isn’t your place dangerous right now. Someone could go looking for us there.” He said.

Gintoki sighed. “You’re right.” He mumbled. “I guess it’s a love hotel again.” His face showed his displeasure.

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Since when are you so against them?” He asked.

Gintoki shrugged. “I just never liked the impersonality of it. Feels like doing it with a stranger.”

Toshirou sighed. “I guess I get it.” He also preferred going to Gintoki’s place. “But we’re not really strangers, are we?” He asked, briefly glanced at their joined hands. “So it doesn’t matter where we go as long as we’re together.” He is not sure why he’s saying all of that, he just wants to stay with Gintoki a little longer before leaving for an undetermined period of time and he doesn’t care if it’s in a love hotel or a random alley. Though he prefers having a bed for what he wants to do.

Gintoki smiled at him and leans into another kiss that Toshirou accepted. “You’re right. As long as it’s you we can do it in a love hotel or a dirty tent.” He murmured close to his lips. 

Toshirou briefly wondersed why they would even be doing it at a tent, but it’s not like it’s important. They go to the nearest love hotel and Toshirou briefly acknowledges it’s the first one they ever went to together. He almost snorted when he recognized the front desk. How fitting that their first and possibly last time together will be spent in the same stupid hotel. 

They go to a room, which isn’t the same one as the first but a floor over it, and they both sit in the bed. They are not in any kind of rush today. 

While their sex sessions are usually fast and rough, today Gintoki is going slower, but just as deep as Toshirou likes. They don’t talk during it like they usually do, both being very vocal during sex, but now they remain mostly quiet besides the moans and groans they would sometimes let out. Gintoki kisses him through most of it and Toshirou accepts it, welcoming Gintoki’s lips on his own to stop him from saying something he would regret. 

After both are too spent to continue, they lay there cuddling, with no indication of either of them wanting to move, much less leave the room. Toshirou paid for the whole night, so, unlike other times they did it at love hotels, they don’t have a time restriction tonight. Not until Toshirou is meant to go and leave Edo in the morning. 

Gintoki held him tight the whole night as if he didn’t want Toshirou to leave. He stayed curled up to Gintoki’s side too, not moving an inch and wishing he could stay in his warmth forever. A part of him wants to say those 3 words, but he knows he shouldn’t. He’s leaving tomorrow and they’re not actually a thing to begin with. Just because he finally acknowledged his feelings for Gintoki doesn’t mean he has to communicate them.  

Gintoki, like Mitsuba, deserve to be with someone better and more fitting for them. Just like how Mitsuba deserved a good man who could keep her safe and at peace, Gintoki deserved someone he loved. Someone that was not him. 

Maybe he had some similar qualities to Kuroyasha, but no matter how similar they were, Toshirou could never replace him. He would never be able to live up to the mysterious man. Gintoki didn’t have a history with him unlike with Kuroyasha. Toshirou was just taking his place at the time, and he was just glad that he could do so even if it was for a short period if it meant being with someone like Gintoki. 

When they woke up early the next morning, they were still holding each other in their sleep. Gintoki didn’t seem pleased at being woken up so early in the morning by Toshirou’s alarm, but he didn’t comment as Toshirou started dressing up, instead choosing to look at the window, showing the still mostly dark sky. 

After he finished dressing, Toshirou sat back down on the bed by Gintoki’s side. He should leave already, but he wants to stay a little longer with him.  

He stares at the dark sky, it shouldn’t be long until the sun comes up, but the moon is still visible from the window. Gintoki always stares out of the window instead of at him after they do it and Toshirou always wonders if it’s the guilt of doing it with him instead of the person he truly loves. 

“Do you still love him?” Toshirou asks, still looking at the moon that is beginning to hide behind some buildings. 

He notices Gintoki’s stare. “Love who?” He asks. 

Toshirou glances at him, noticing his puzzled gaze. “Kuroyasha.”

Gintoki sighs as he always does when Toshirou brings him up. “Not really.” He says, staring briefly at him before looking at the window. “Not Kuroyasha at least.”

“Oh…” He is not sure what Gintoki means by that. ‘ Not Kuroyasha ? Then who? 

They stay quiet for a while until Toshirou stands up again. “I should leave now.” He says even if he wants to stay longer by Gintoki’s side. 

Gintoki stands up too, putting on a pair of boxers. “Take care.” He says and leans in for a kiss. 

Toshirou’s heart skips a beat, but he kisses back. “I will…” He murmurs. Gintoki kisses him again before he finally lets go of him, taking a step back. 

Toshirou turns to leave. “Wait!” Gintoki exclaims, holding his hand again. Toshirou turns back to look at him with a questioning gaze, waiting for Gintoki to continue. Gintoki hesitates and lets go of his hand.  “You better come back with that drink.” He tries to smile, but it comes out more like a grimace.

Toshirou ignores the feeling that Gintoki meant to say something else and tries to smile too, but like Gintoki, he probably failed too. “I will.”

He leaves the room and Gintoki behind without looking back again, knowing that it would only make him want to stay longer.

Gintoki sighs as the door closes behing Toshirou, sitting back on the bed. He was so close to telling him about their shared past again. Sometimes he wishes he could read Toshirou’s mind to see if it would be safe to do so. There was a time where he was able to easily read every single one of his thoughts, he had always been an open book like that. But now, while he can still guess what he’s thinking most of the time, on some occasions he is left completely confused about Toshirou’s feelings. 

Why does he keep asking about Kuroyasha -about himself - almost every single time where Gintoki feels like they have taken a step closer in their relationship? Why did he seem guilty everytime he mentioned him? Was it because he thought Kuroyasha was a sore topic for him -which he kinda was- or was it because he knew something else? Something like his own past as Kuroyasha.

But that couldn’t be it. Toshirou would never be able to hide that kind of information from him. He would immediately be demanding answers and explanations if he were to remember even a little bit of his past. He knows him too well to be able to know that at least. 

He thought of his last question before leaving: ‘ Do you still love him? ’

‘ Not really. Not Kuroyasha at least. ’ He had said and in a way he had meant it. 

He doesn’t love the memory of his past lover, he doesn’t love the Joui legend known as Kuroyasha. He loves Toshirou, present Toshirou, just as much as the past and the future ones. He doesn’t care which version of Toshirou it is, whether it is the version that remembers Gintoki teaching him to fight, or if it’s the version that pretends to be annoyed with him most of the time but still finds the time in his busy schedule to spend lunch with him and the kids. 

He loves Toshirou, whether he is Kuroyahsa or the Demon Vice-Commander of the Shinsegumi.

He just wishes Toshirou would love him as much as he does.

Chapter Text

Toshirou will never admit outloud how much he missed stumbling upon Gintoki almost daily while he was away from Edo. He was busy trying to get more support from all over the country, but whenever he got a time to himself he tended to wish the perm head was there by his side, either getting a free meal out of him with the kids or drinking together late at night before they ended up going somewhere they could have some privacy. 

He and the rest went back to Edo to fight in the war against Amantos that were now invading Earth in an attempt to rule over it now that the government was a complete mess and the Tendoshuu wanted to destroy it.

They made it just in time to save Gintoki, the kids and Nobume from being blown up by Amanto machinery. He was glad to see them all safe and even sent a small smile to Gintoki who smiled back. They didn’t have time to catch up because the battle was still going, both went in different ways. 

It was during the night, when the battle was momentarily paused, when they saw each other again. Gintoki was pretty beaten up, but he was fine. When Toshirou wandered close to where Gintoki was resting for the night, the perm head quickly noticed him and invited him in, but Toshirou refused. He had only come here to make sure the man was fine, but he had stuff to do like looking for Gengai and making sure they were not attacked in the middle of the night. 

Gintoki pouted but let him go after a brief kiss. Toshirou ignored how much that stupid little kiss made his heart race. 

However, their brief moment of peace didn’t last because Gengai was captured by the enemy. Toshirou went back to warn everyone else, passing by Gintoki's room first. However, he was very annoyed to find several people partying in his room. Gintoki was still inside his futon and there were a woman’s legs peeking out from under the sheets. The Courtesan of Death was pouring alcohol down Gintoki’s throat. Kondo was cuffed to the wall in his underwear and the Shimura woman was aiming darts at a target tied to his chest. Several other people were in various states of drunkness. 

He left sneering at Gintoki’s panicked face.

He felt like he shouldn’t be as bothered by this as he was. Gintoki and him were not actually a thing, he could do whatever he wants with whoever he wants. Even drink and do suspicious stuff with multiple women in the middle of the war. He didn’t care to hear Gintoki’s excuses and just told him about Gengai. He tried to assure him that he was assaulted by all those random people when he just wanted to rest, but he didn’t really bother to hear him, they had more pressing matters. 

They went looking for Gengai, but the fight didn't end there. Too much stuff happened and eventually they're all fighting the final boss, Utsuro, while Sadaharu tries to contain the Altana surges by himself at the cost of his own life. They lose many in this fight against the immortal being, but they eventually end up winning. 

Or as winning as it could be with all the loses they had and the way it ended. A spaceship crashed against the ground, destroying the city more than it already was and supposedly killing Utsuro and sealing the surge with it. The whole city was left completely destroyed and many, many died. Sadaharu was left in a coma-like state and no one was sure he would ever wake up much to Kagura’s distress. 

Some celebrated the end of the war, but the yorozuyas didn’t seem particularly happy. Toshirou felt bad for them, knowing how much the dog meant to them. And from what he had gathered, Utsuro had once been Gintoki’s beloved teacher so this all must be a lot for him.

They meet a couple of nights after in the izakaya they usually frequent. One wall was completely destroyed and most of the tables were in disarray, but Oba-san still greeted them with a smile and started preparing their meals.

Gintoki was quiet through most of it as Toshirou just rambled about everything going on in the repairs of the city. He briefly mentioned that they still haven’t found Utsuro’s body, but if Gintoki cared about that he didn't show it. 

He remained quiet, too quiet, and it worried Toshirou. He wanted to ask him what’s going on, but he knew Gintoki enough to know he wouldn’t get a proper answer no matter how much he pushes if he doesn’t want to speak. He was at a loss as to what to do, so he just drank by his side and talked about something else. About the time when he was a kid following his older brother everywhere, about the time he met Kondo and Sougo, about the time they formed the Shinsengumi. 

Gintoki listened attentively and started commenting every now and then, speaking up more and more as Toshirou told him about his past. Asking question after question, looking really interested in knowing more about Toshirou. 

He has never been the kind of person to talk about the past, prefering to think about the present. Kondo had been the only one he had ever told anything from his childhood, that was until he met Gintoki. With him, Toshirou felt like he could confide everything in him. His admiration for his brother and the guilt that resulted from the incident. His love and doubts about Mitsuba. The brotherly love he had for everyone at the Shinsegumi, but especially for Kondo and Sougo.

The only thing that Toshirou couldn’t tell Gintoki was the love he felt for him.

He wasn’t expecting Gintoki to talk about his past because if anyone is more secretive than Toshirou it’s Gintoki himself. Toshirou had just wanted to take Gintoki’s mind away from everything that had happened in the last few months since Shigeshige’s death. But when he mentioned that once upon a time he was so desperate for food that he considered scavenging for provisions left by corpses from the war, Gintoki got a far away look. 

That was probably one of the most shameful moments in Toshirou’s life. He had gotten really close to doing it, before he went into a coma. He doesn’t know what made him tell Gintoki that, but he did. And Gintoki didn’t judge him, no, in fact, he understood him probably better than anyone else ever could.

That was when Gintoki then told him about a time when he was too young for everything that was happening to him, when he did the same too. He once also scavenged for provisions, took swords from corpses to defend himself even when the swords were bigger than his entire body, and that was how Shouyou, his teacher before he became Utsuro, found him.

Gintoki then told him about how Shouyou teached him everything he knew and practically adopted him after finding him eating an onigiri he had stolen from a corpse. He told him about how he met Takasugi and Katsura and how they became friends, inseparable through the years. He told them how the Naraku came one day and burned their school to the ground, taking Shouyou with them when he was barely 13 years old. He told him how the 3 decided to avenge and save their teacher and trained more to join the war and how they were only 15 when they were already in the front lines. He told him how he had to kill Shouyou with his own sword in order to protect his friends and how he ended up losing them either way. He told him that he wandered around without any purpose for years and barely escaped execution before he met Otose in a graveyard and that it was pretty much the old woman who kept him alive to this day.

Toshirou stayed quiet through it all, not commenting on how he never mentioned Kuroyasha in any of his tales, believing this to not be the time to bring him up. He just offered support and an ear to listen and when Gintoki’s voice trembled when he recalled Shouyou’s last words to him, Toshirou held his hand. 

Gintoki held him tightly that night, as if not wanting to ever let go. And Toshirou held him just as tightly because, even if Gintoki never said so, he knew his own war had not finished yet. 

Toshirou sighed in Gintoki's arms, who was holding him tightly against him. “I love you…” He muttered, voice too quiet that he could barely hear it himself. It was only because Gintoki was close, so close to him that he managed to hear him.

Gintoki took a sharp intake of breath as he pulled apart just enough to look him in the eyes. Toshirou looked away, feeling his face growing hotter and wishing he had just remained quiet. 

“You- you do?” He asked.

Toshirou sighed, but nodded. He deserved to hear it even if he didn’t reciprocate. “I love you, Gintoki.” He repeated, turning to look him in the eyes despite the shame he felt.

Gintoki’s eyes lit up for the first time in what seemed like ages before he leaned in for a kiss. However, Toshirou didn’t kiss him back, not sure what to think of it. Was he gently turning him down or what?

Gintoki’s lips pulled away, though just by mere milimeters. “I love you too…” He mumbled, lips touching Toshirou’s with every word. He kissed him again, not realizing how stiff Toshirou became or how wide his eyes had gotten. 

Gintoki pulled away again, now looking confused. “You what?” Toshirou mumbled, not sure if he heard him right. 

Gintoki smiled at him, though it held a tint of nervousness. “I love you too, Toshirou.” He said, this time louder. “I have loved you for a long time.”

This didn’t do anything to make Toshirou less shocked. “Wh-hat, but… then-” What about Kuroyasha?

He didn’t ask the question outloud, but Gintoki still understood him like he always did. Or maybe it was because Toshirou tends to mention him so often, who knows? “I think it’s finally time I told you something.” He sighed, sitting up on the futon with Toshirou following him with a questioning glance. “I have wanted to tell you for years, but never felt like the moment was right. Never felt like you would believe me.” He let out a self deprecating laugh. “Still don’t, actually. But you need to know, I guess.”

“Know what?” He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion at Gintoki’s sudden nervousness. 

Gintoki held his hand on his and Toshirou noticed with surprise it was slightly trembling, almost imperceptively. “We actually met 11 years ago.” He said and Toshirou’s eyes widened. 

“We did?” He asked, surprised. He tried to remember ever meeting him before coming to Edo, but he couldn’t. 11 years ago was when he was around 16, so around the time he was in a coma through most of the year. But those months couldn’t be the time he was talking about, right? Toshirou was unconscious in a hospital while Gintoki was fighting in a war.

So he tried to remember something else, about a time he met a young man around his age with wild silver hair and he gasped in recognition. 

“Right!” He exclaimed. “I had completely forgotten!” Gintoki stared at him questioningly. “You’re the guy that jumped me in Bushuu! The one who confused me for someone else, right?” He asked. How had he forgotten about that? With all the trouble Gintoki has gotten into since they met again in Edo, Toshirou had completely forgotten about that time they met before in Bushuu, even when he hadn’t been able to forget that encounter for years.

Gintoki winced at his outburst. “Yes, that was me.” He mumbled, looking away with a frown.

Toshirou nodded. “I actually recognized you that one time we met during the incident at Ikedaya, remember?” He asked as Gintoki’s face turned more sour. “But you didn’t recognize me. Or so you said. So you were lying, huh?” 

Gintoki sighed more deeply this time. “Yeah, I lied about not recognizing you.” He admitted. “But that wasn’t what I meant about us meeting before.”

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Then what?” He asked.

“Remember you told me that you went into a coma when you were 16?” He asked.

Toshirou raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

Gintoki inhaled deeply. “What was the last thing you remember before you lost your memories?”

Toshirou sent him an odd look at that phrasing, but decided to answer. “I remember finding a lot of corpses lying around from the war. And…” He winced. “And seeing a shining sword and thinking about taking it with me.” He planned to sell it for food.

Gintoki groaned. “So right before we met.”

Toshirou looked at him perplexed. “Before we met?” He asked. He tried to remember anything after that, but all he could remember was the doctor that greeted him when he woke up 7 months later telling him someone attacked him and sent him into a coma. He frowned. “Wait, were you the one who attacked me?” He asked, annoyed.

Gintoki looked at him in confusion. “Attack?”

Toshirou nodded. “The doctor from the hospital where I woke up after my coma told me I was attacked by bandits.”

Gintoki’s face turned dark. “That fucking bastard…” He mumbled, eyes turning dark with rage. “I wish I could kill him again.” He growled.

Toshirou’s eyes widened. “Wh-what?” He stuttered. “Kill him? Who? The doctor? Why? Did you kill him? How do you even- what are you talking about, Gintoki?” He rambled.

Gintoki inhaled deeply and exhaled, as if preparing himself for something difficult. “You know how you said you found a sword that you were going to take with you?” He asked, looking at him. Toshirou nodded. “Well, you weren’t attacked by bandits after that.” He said, only making Toshirou more confused. “That’s when we met.”

Toshirou frowned. “So you saw the incident? Do you know how I went into a coma?” He asked.

Gintoki shook his head, looking troubled. “You never went into a coma, not until several months later, at least.”

Toshirou looked at him perplexed. “Gintoki, I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

Gintoki grimaced. “Well, I saw you taking the sword so I asked you what you were going to use it for and you told me you were going to sell it.” Yes, that was Toshirou’s plan. How did he know that? Did they really meet then? “And I was going to take it anyway since we really needed all the spare swords we could get. But… well, I decided to let you keep it.” Gintoki said awkwardly. “But you were attacked by bandits not even an hour later.”

Toshirou frowned. “So then I went into a coma.” He said.

“No!” Gintoki said, sounding exasperated. “Forget the coma. You were not in a coma until August. I’m not even sure you were even in a coma after that.” Toshirou frowned but let him continue. “I saved you from those idiots and you asked me to teach you how to fight.” Toshirou’s eyes widened. “I agreed so I took you to the camp.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Toshirou stopped him. “Are you telling me that you taught me to use a sword in a Joui camp?” He asked befuddled.

“Yes.” Gintoki nodded. “And you were great.” He smiled softly, eyes growing fonder. “A fast learner. Even the bastard of Takasugi was impressed by your skills.” He said with a tint of pride in his voice.

Toshirou’s mouth hung open. “There’s no way that’s true.” He said in disbelief.

Gintoki sighed. “See, I knew you wouldn’t believe me…” he mumbled, looking away from him sourly. 

Toshirou winced. “Fine. Go on then.” He said.

Gintoki sighed. “Well, that went on for months until one day you asked me to let you join the war.” He continued much to Toshirou’s further shock, but he let him continue. “And after everyone kept insisting I ended up agreeing on the condition that you could only go if it was with me.” He said.

Toshirou shook his head, trying to get his thoughts in order. “So, you’re telling me I was a Joui?” He asked in disbelief. 

Gintoki smirked. “And one of the best.” He said.

“The best?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing. “You mean like you?”

Gintoki shrugged. “Kinda. You were certainly far better than the average samurai, but you were still far away from my level.” He smirked and Toshirou rolled his eyes at the slight arrogance in his voice. “You had only been training for a few months by then so it was understandable I would be better.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “And I was still considered one of the best? How bad were the rest of the samurais if a 16 year old with little to no practice was better than them?” He asked.

Gintoki chuckled. “Takasugi and I wondered that everyday. You were quite the prodigy.” He smiled, knowingly. “You even got a name for yourself.” Toshirou furrowed his eyebrows. “You were known as Shiroyasha’s shadow.” He smirked. “Otherwise known as Kuroyasha.”

“ What ?!” He exclaimed. 

Gintoki nodded. “Kuroyasha has always been you.” He said softly.

Toshirou took a full minute to comprehend those words. “So all those times…” his eyes widened. “All those times you confused me for Kuroyasha… I was actually him?”

Gintoki nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that…” He mumbled. “Sometimes I would forget you didn’t actually remember me…”

Toshirou stared at his hands over his lap, trying and probably failing at processing everything. “I, so, I-” He didn’t know what to say. “I think I should be the one saying sorry…” He mumbled finally. “I’m sorry I didn’t remember you…” he was still so confused about everything, but he somehow knew Gintoki was telling the truth.

Gintoki shook his head. “I know it wasn’t your fault.” He placed a hand over his. “I never blamed you for that. If anything it was my fault.” He said.

Toshirou looked at him. “What do you mean?” He asked.

Gintoki sighed. “One day, we were ambushed.” He started with a pained look on his eyes. “We were already at a disadvantage because we were in the middle of moving locations of the camp and the only remaining samurais were mostly those who were too injured to fight.” Toshirou squeezed Gintoki’s hand with his. “We were both surrounded by enemies and I was too overwhelmed to go to your side to help.” Gintoki’s last words shook and Toshirou caressed his hand with his thumb. “By the time I got rid of everyone, you were unconscious in the arms of that fucking bastard.” He growled. “The so-called doctor that told you you were in a coma. He told me you were already dead.” Gintoki sighed, a sigh filled with so much anger and sadness at the same time. “I could only watch as he took you away from me.”

“Oh, Gintoki…” Toshirou mumbled. “I-I’m sorry.” He said, squeezing Gintoki’s hand. “It wasn’t your fault. You just said so, you were outnumbered. It was not your fault.” He tried to reassure him.

Gintoki shook his head. “If only I had been faster or stronger then maybe that wouldn’t have happened.” He said. “If only I hadn’t gotten you involved in the war then you would have been fine.”

Toshirou held his hand tightly. “Gintoki, there’s no way any of that was your fault.” He said. “If I hadn’t met you that day maybe I would be dead, killed by bandits.” He said since Gintoki had mentioned he was attacked by bandits before he saved him. “Or I would have starved to death before summer.” He had already been close to starvation before he found that shiny sword. “But you took me in and you made me stronger.” He said, making Gintoki look at him. “I was able to survive because of you. And being captured was not your fault in any way.” He may not remember anything, but he was sure of that.

Gintoki didn’t look quite convinced. “You’re just saying that now that you don’t actually remember.”

“I don’t need to remember anything to know that you’re an amazing person that isn’t responsible for anything bad that has happened to you, Gintoki.” Toshirou said softly.

Gintoki smiled softly. 

“So… I guess it’s not long after that that I woke up after my supposed coma?” Toshirou said. 

Gintoki shrugged. “I thought you were dead for months.” He said, making Toshirou wince. That was probably hard for him to deal with. “The war ended not too long after your capture and I started to wander around the country without a real purpose for a while. That was until I went to Bushuu.” He said.

Toshirou grimaced. “So the time we met…”

Gintoki nodded. “I was so happy to see you.” He grimaced. “But then I realized you didn’t remember me.” Toshirou winced, remembering how harsh he had treated Gintoki then. “That fucking man told me everything.” He said. “He told me how he had invented a new kind of artifact to erase memories and used it on you, making you forget the last 7 months of your life. And me.” 

Toshirou looked at him with guilt. “Gintoki, I’m so sorry about how I treated you on that day.” He said.

Gintoki shook his head. “No, I understand. I would have also punched a random guy that hugged me out of nowhere if I didn’t remember ever seeing them before.”

“Now that I know I can try to remember.” Toshirou said. 

“It’s been 10 years.” Gintoki sighed defeatedly. “There’s no point in trying.” He smiled sadly. “But it’s fine. I got you now, don’t I? You’re here again. And you’re safe. That’s all I ever wanted.” He intertwined their fingers.

“Yeah…” he mumbled.

They remained quiet for a while. Toshirou had too many things to think about and Gintoki let him organize his thoughts in silence. “When are you leaving?” Toshirou asked after several minutes of silence.

Gintoki tensed again beside him. “So you know…” He mumbled.

“I know you too well, Gintoki.” Even if he didn’t remember their past together. 

Gintoki sighed. “Tomorrow.” He said. 

“Oh…”

“I haven’t told the kids yet. But I think Kagura is planning on leaving too. She wants to find a way to get Sadaharu back.” Gintoki sighed sadly. 

“Let me go with you.” Toshirou said firmly. 

Gintoki stared at him before shaking his head. “No, it’s something I have to do on my own.”

Toshirou wanted to say more, but Gintoki’s eyes told him to shut up. “When will you be back?” He asked instead of fighting.

Gintoki shrugged. “I don’t know.” He said. “Depends on what I find.”

That didn’t reassure Toshirou at all. “Are you gonna be okay?” 

Gintoki smirked, but there was no joy in his eyes. “When I’m ever not?” He joked.

Toshirou frowned, but didn’t comment. “Please come back safe…”

Gintoki’s face softened. “I will.” He promised.

They held each other the rest of the night and most of the morning. The kids came around noon to talk with Gintoki and Toshirou left to help on the repairs in the city. The kids needed time alone with Gintoki. 

He met him again just when he was about to leave, he could see Kagura and Shinpachi’s backs walking away from them in opposite directions. 

“I guess this is goodbye.” He said. 

Gintoki nodded. “At least for now.”

Toshirou leaned in for a kiss, not caring who saw them. “I love you.” He mumbled next to the other’s lips. “Please take care.”

Gintoki nodded. “I will.” He said. “Stay safe.”

Toshirou nodded, letting go of his hand. 

He watched Gintoki’s back walk away until he could no longer see him anymore.

Chapter Text

A couple of months passed as the city rebuilt itself with the help of everyone. Toshirou has had his hands full helping in whatever he could in the city while also helping to rebuild the barracks. He saw Shinpachi all around the city working on the repairs alone, without Gintoki and Kagura by his side. It was a little jarring to see if he was honest. The yorozuya were always a team, a trio, a family. He never thought they would go their separate ways only for one of them to be left behind by his own.

Shinpachi smiled at him everytime he noticed him, greeting him kindly, but Toshirou could see the loneliness behind his glasses. In a way, he understood, he missed both troublemakers too, but he knew his bond with them was not as close as Shinpachi’s. Sure, he really missed Gintoki in more ways than one, but it was simply not the same. Though, it certainly was hard to walk around Edo without ever stumbling into the silver perm, he wondered how Shinpachi could do it with a smile. 

He thought about what Gintoki revealed to him and a part of him still finds it hard to believe it. But he trusted Gintoki with his life and while he wouldn’t put it past him to tell a little white lie from time to time, Toshirou is sure he would never lie about something as big as this kind of revelation. It certainly explained quite a few things like all those times he confused him for Kuroyasha who turned out to be Toshirou, or how Toshirou knew how to use a sword after waking up from his supposed coma, how he went from half starved to having gain some muscle in the months he ‘ was in a coma ’ or how Katsura insisted they were friends. Toshirou didn’t know a lot of things about comas but he was sure that it was very unlikely for someone to gain weight and muscle mass during months of being unconscious. He had always considered that to be strange, but at the time he didn’t have a reason to refute it.

So when Kondo announced he was renouncing as Commander to marry Bubbles-hime, Toshirou took his chance. He announced he will be leaving too, though he only gave them one reason: to go look for Gintoki.

He had thought it through and he didn’t like the idea of Gintoki having to deal with everything alone. He didn’t know where he was or what he was doing but he had to go with him and make sure he was safe. 

But he also had another reason. 

He wanted to find a way to get back his memories, the memories that were stolen from him. 

He didn’t know where to start so after saying his goodbyes to the disbanded Shinsengumi, Toshirou went to Gengai’s workshop. He had been quite busy with the repairs as of late, but he still found time to speak with him. Toshirou asked him if he knew of a way for him to get back his memories but Gengai didn’t. He said he could try to make some kind of machine to tug his brain cells into remembering. Feeling slightly scared and very suspicious of the man, Tohsirou decided to go looking for something else. It would only end up taking more time for the old man that already had his hands full with the city.

He found Shinpachi on the way to the bus station and when he told him he was leaving Shinpachi only smiled sadly. He understood his reasoning and let him go after making him promise to come back safe and to not worry if he couldn’t find Gintoki anywhere. They both knew how hard it was to find the man when he didn’t want to be found.

He left Edo that day without a clear place to go. The first place he visited was the hospital that he had woken up in from the coma. But just like how he expected it, it was abandoned. He searched for anything and he found some old documents. He saw everything pertaining to him and his memory being erased. So this confirmed it at least, but he was no closer to getting those memories back.

He found an indication of the one responsible behind this finding the name of the doctor that attended him. Yumekui Kage. But Toshiro knew this name was useless since Gintoki had confessed to killing the bastard. 

So he searched for more until he finally found something that could be useful. In some documents it was said that at the beginning of the project another woman named Kimura Harumi had taken part of it, but there had apparently been a fight between the two and Kimura had left the project. 

So Toshirou went looking for her, but it turned out to be harder than he thought. He asked around and no one knew of her nor they had seen her anywhere. She wasn’t even in police records. It wasn’t until he arrived in Kagoshima where after asking a few people that didn’t know anything about a Kimura Harumi one old lady approached him. 

She asked what he wanted with her and he told her he hoped to find some answers about his past with her. She stared at him for 2 full minutes until she smiled and nodded. She informed him that she was now going with Hayashi Harumi, since she got married almost 10 years before. 

So Toshirou went to the direction the old lady had given him and found a woman in her late 30s with a kid that looked around 10 by her side. She confirmed being who he was looking for so he explained everything. She looked at him with guilt and pity much to his annoyance, before she explained everything. 12 years ago she had met Yumekui Kage and they decided to partner up to help people who had suffered a traumatic event or were going through dementia so they could get their memories back. What she hadn’t known at the time was that Yumekui had been using her work to do a machine that did the opposite so after a fight she left. She had hoped he hadn’t gone on with his evil plans but wasn’t surprised to find out he did.

She admitted she hasn’t worked on anything relating to the mind for a whole decade, but she was sure she could find a way to get Toshirou’s memories back.

It took longer than Toshirou expected and by the time he realized it, he had already been in this city for half a year. It has been a whole year since he last saw Gintoki and despite having asked wherever he went to, no one knew a thing.

One day, Hayashi finally told him the machine was ready. It was supposed to work just like the other one did but in reverse. Toshirou tried to calm his nerves and wondered if he really should trust the woman who had originally worked with the one responsible for all of this. But he decided to trust her anyway and so she used the machine on him. 

Toshirou woke up several days later with a pounding headache and a worried Minato (Hayashi’s son) by his side. He happily announced he had woken up to his mom and she came back to check on him. Toshirou then tried to remember and soon realized he did. Not only he remembered everything he did before this, but also those 7 months that had been stolen from him by Yumekui. 

He remembered meeting Gintoki and how he saved him from those bandits. How he begged the other teen to teach him and how Gintoki ended up agreeing, taking him to the camp with him. He remembered meeting Katsura, Takasugi and Tatsuma. He remembered all those months training with Gintoki and pining after him. He remembered their first kiss and how fast his heart had been beating that time and how it was beating even faster when they slept together the first time. He remembered the first time he went to battle with Gintoki and the last. 

He remembered how much he loved Gintoki before and how much he still loves him now.

He thanked Hayashi before he left, going back to look for Gintoki. He eventually arrived at Hagi, a city that Gintoki had mentioned before in his memories from when they were teens. A place he would mention sometimes when they were alone in their tent, though he never mentioned it much and always had a pained look when talking about it and his teacher. 

Once there he went looking for the school Gintoki had mentioned before, Shoka Sonjuku. He had also mentioned this place on their last night together. But he was not here. 

Toshirou decided to stay here in case he came, something told him he would. He found a place to stay and a job. He was soon given a good position in the police department of the city as he waited for Gintoki to arrive like he knew he would.

Another year passed and Toshirou missed everyone, but he was determined to find Gintoki before going back to Edo. And one day, it finally happened. 

He was called by some men working for him that they had seen none other than Takasugi Shinsuke close to Shoka Sonjuku. Something told him that he wouldn’t be there alone so he went there as quickly as he could.

He saw Takasugi leave, but he didn’t care about him, not right now. Gintoki was shouting at Takasugi to come back. Gintoki was surprised to see him here and he went mostly peacefully with them to the station. Toshirou then tried to get him to tell him what he has been doing for the last 2 years so he can help him, but Gintoki, as always, danced around the subject. 

Toshirou got annoyed fast by Gintoki’s dismissals, so when he started interrogating him instead of the other way around, he snapped.

“I remember.” He says, stopping Gintoki from rambling about katsudon or whatever with the cyborg. 

Gintoki stared at him with confusion. “Remember what?” He asked. 

Toshirou sighed. “I remember my past.” He says slowly. “I remember you.”

Gintoki’s eyes widened. “Yo-you do?” He asked, shock filling his voice. “How?”

He shrugged. “I did my research. Found someone who could get my memories back.” 

“Oh…” Gintoki mumbled. 

“Are you going to tell me now what is going on with you? Where have you been? Let me help you, Gintoki.” Toshirou said, reaching for Gintoki’s hand over the table.

Gintoki pulled his hand away before he could touch it, smiling ruefully. “There’s nothing going on.” 

Toshirou frowned because he knows that means there’s something big and dangerous going on and Gintoki doesn’t want to tell him to not get him involved. 

They kept fighting, trying to get the other to talk. Gintoki asked about what he remembers, but Toshirou refused to talk about that until he gave in and let him help. In the end, robocop, or more accurately, Yamazaki, accidentaly caused a distraction that allowed Gintoki to run away, not before declaring his love for him at the top of the wall as Toshirou stared at him from below, face completely flushed from his bold declaration as everyone else in the station stared at him in shock. 

He followed him and found that he and Takasugi caused quite a disturbance in the town so he followed the trail of dead bodies, mostly Naraku memebers, towards the sea in the direction of Edo. He orders Yamazaki, who is now a cyborg, to turn himself into a boat so they can follow them. That’s how he came back to Edo after more than a year of being away. 

Once in Edo, Gintoki and Takasugi split and he went to follow Gintoki with Yamazaki despite telling the stupid robot to follow the other. So, as he followed Gintoki, he saw the idiot get humiliated all over the city by those sadistic women. I wasn’t until Gintoki escaped from their torture that he lost track of him again. 

Before he could find him, the Terminal blew up.

A part of Gintoki wanted to stay with Toshirou in Hagi, to hear everything that has been going on with him in the last 2 years, to hear more about his recovered memories. But he couldn’t until Earth was safe.

He left him in Hagi, hoping he would stay out of trouble there, but of course he saw him not long after the fight at the Terminal started, fighting alongside the rest of the Shinsengumi and Kagura and Shinpachi and several others from the city. Gintoki was reunited with the kids and Sadaharu came out of his slumber. 

He fought Utsuro in Takasugi’s body and lost his old friend. After having to leave Takasugi’s dead body behind, everyone else then helped him reach Shouyou before he died too. And as he held Shouyou in his arms one last time before he crumbled away in order to save Earth, he could feel the love and support from everyone around him, thanking them for allowing him to say one last goodbye to his dear teacher. 

He felt like he should celebrate now that the Earth is finally safe, but he doesn’t actually feel like it. He lost 2 very important people to him today. The rest of the city celebrated, all except 4 men.

Everyone went to Snack Smile to celebrate in a big party, but Gintoki soon found himself overwhelmed by the festivities so he stepped out quietly to the alley next to the place.

That’s when he saw Zura looking up at the moon with a forlorn look. He is the first person Gintoki noticed that didn’t look quite as happy as the rest. He had a smile on his face, but it certainly didn't reach his eyes. They talked about Takasugi and Shouyou for a while, remembering the old days together. 

Tatsuma joined them after a while, sitting down in the dirt beside them, carrying with himself a couple of bottles of sake. He started retelling some old memories he had with Takasugi too as they all drank together. Tatsuma still laughed as obnoxiously as ever, but less frequently and with a more nostalgic tone. He had the same look Zura had and probably Gintoki had it too. 

Thay were half way through the first bottle when the door opened again and Toshirou came out, lighting a cigarette before he noticed them sitting on the floor a couple of meters away. 

“To-Toshi-chan?” Tatsuma asked, confusion in his voice. 

Toshirou’s eyes widened. “Tatsuma-san…” He mumbled, getting closer to them.

Zura looked at him with offense in his face. “You remember him and not me, Toshirou-san?” He exclaimed outraged. 

Toshirou snorted. “How could I forget the man who introduced me to mayonnaise.” He said sarcastically.

Zura took more offense to that. Gintoki rolled his eyes, knowing Toshirou was just messing with them. Tatsuma went to hug Toshirou tightly. 

“Ah, Toshi-chan! I thought you died!” Tatsuma wailed.

Toshirou patted his back awkwardly. “Yeah… sorry about that.” He grimaced. “A lot has happened since we last saw each other.”

Tatsuma sniffed. “At least everyone is here again.”

“Yeah…” Toshirou smiled for a second before his smile fell. “Well, almost everyone.” Silence fell around them. “I wish I could have said goodbye…” Toshirou mumbled as he took a drag of his cigarette. “Though, he would have probably tried to kill me.”

Gintoki snorted. “I’m not so sure about that. You were always his favorite. He always wanted to snatch you away from me.”

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “He just did that to make you jealous.”

“That’s true.” Zura chuckled. “But, at least you annoyed him less than Gintoki.” He said.

“Oi! He was the one who annoyed me !” Gintoki exclaimed.

Tatsuma laughed. “I always thought he was really fond of Toshi-chan too! I think they would have gotten along great even after all these years.”

Toshirou snorted. “I don’t think so.” He said. “We were on the opposite sides of the law.” 

Zura shook his head. “I’m sure he would have tried to reclute you like I have been trying for years. He always admired your strength.”

“And I would have tried arresting him too.” Toshirou added. 

“He wouldn’t have liked that.” Gintoki said, amused. 

Tatsuma laughed. “At least you wouldn’t have had to worry about Takasugi taking your little wife away, ahahaha!”

“I’m not his wife!” “He’s not my wife!” Both Toshirou and Gintoki shouted in unison, their faces red. 

Tatsuma and Zura sent each other a look. “Are you two in your pining phase again?” Zura asked.

“Even I got tired of that.” Tatsuma laughed. 

Gintoki and Toshirou looked at each other blushing. “It’s not that…” Toshirou mumbled.

“It’s just that we’re not married. So don’t make stupid jokes like that.” Gintoki grumbled.

Zura’s eyes lit up. “Oh! So you are finally back together?” He asked enthusiastically. “Ah, so you were listening to me all those times that I tried to convince you to take Gintoki back, Toshirou-san.”

Toshirou shook his head. “It was definitely not because of you.”

“Did Kintoki bribed you?” Tatsuma asked. 

“Shut up, bastard!”

Toshirou snorted. “Of course not. He is too broke to bribe me.”

“Oi!”

Zura tilted his head. “Then how did you two get back together if it wasn’t through some bribe or my amazing wingman skills?” He asked, confused.

Toshirou turned uncomfortable. “I don’t know… It just happened.”

Gintoki didn’t comment. 

Zura nodded. “Well, I’m happy you stopped pretending to forget us, Toshirou-san.” He said.

Toshirou glared at him. “I was not pretending.”

“You were pretending to not remember Kintoki and Zura, Toshi-chan?” Tasuma asked, completely ignoring what the other just said. “Wow, that’s cold even for you, ahaha. I always knew you were a tsudere, but that’s harsh. Haha!”

Toshirou turned to glare at him. “I said I was not pretending!”

Gintoki sighed. “His mind was erased. I already told you this, Zura.”

“Yes, and I told you he would remember us again if we persisted.” Zura said proudly. “And he did! I knew I would get to you!”

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “I was the one who went looking for someone to give me back my memories after Gintoki told me everything.” He said.

Zura looked less proud of himself now, but still smiled. “Oh, so you finally heard my advice, Gintoki?”

“I didn’t do it because of you.” Gintoki glared at the other. “I just thought it was time for him to hear it.”

Tatsuma laughed. “At least he didn’t forget me!”

Gintoki glared at him now. “He did, you idiot. What part of his memory got erased you didn’t get?”

Tatsuma looked at him confused. “Erm… but he remembers me now.”

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “Yeah, now I remember how stupid you are.”

Gintoki laughed as Tatsmua stared at him in surprise. “Toshi-chan!” Tatsuma cried. “What happened to you? You used to be so shy and cute, not mean!” 

Zura shook his head in disappointment. “Yeah, I have also wondered how he turned into such a foul mannered man. Chasing me around the city and trying to arrest me. Where did the little kid go?”

Toshirou glared at them. “You’re both idiots.”

Zura laughed. “You really would have gotten along with Takasugi. He also became quite rude.”

Silence fell around them again. 

“Let’s not mull over that!” Tatsuma said. “Takasugi would not like to see us being sad over his death.”

Toshirou let out a small smile. “He would call us pathetic.” He joked.

Gintoki nodded. “And then he would try to kill us so we stop missing him so much.”

Zura nodded. “That’s something he would do.”

They laughed. 

They talked more the rest of the night. About the past and the present. About shared stories and from the time they were apart. About Takasugi and about their new friends and family. 

They finished the second bottle somewhere around 2 a.m.

Mutsu came to collect a Tatsuma that had passed out at some point, dragging him by the hair. Zura had to be carried by Elizabeth after he was too weak from throwing up so much. 

Gintoki and Toshirou were both too drunk to really help each other, but they managed to arrive both in one piece at Gintoki’s place. Kagura was already asleep and Sadaharu barely spared them a glance before he went back to sleep too. 

They fell into the futon together after taking off most of their clothes. They hugged each other and fell asleep like that, too drunk to think about anything else, just wanting to hold each other tightly after everything that happened.

Chapter Text

The city was rebuilt once again, everyone else went on with their lives. The Yorozuya were back together as a team. The Shinsengumi were reformed too. Zura stopped being considered a terrorist and now was a hero like the rest of them. He stopped attacking the government too when Soyo became the new prime minister, with the rare exception of corrupt officials. 

A month after everything, Toshirou and Gintoki revealed their relationship. It quickly became the talk of the city and they were met with different, though mostly positive reactions.

Kagura and Shinpachi congratulated them, both already knew something was going on between them so they weren’t so surprised. Kagura just commented that now that they got ‘their head out of their asses’ Toshirou now could officially become her Earth mami much to his confusion. Kondo cried out of happiness that Toshirou finally fell in love with someone after so much time of refusing to love. Sougo sneered at him and mocked Gintoki for falling for him, but both knew that was just his way of saying he approved of them. 

Sarutobi cried for weeks, trying to get Gintoki to change his mind much to his and Toshirou’s annoyance. Most of the rest of the town showed up at random moments to congratulate them, some more enthusiastic than others. 

It became annoying very fast, especially when most of the city made the time to inform them how obvious it was there was something going on for ages between them. 

Tama was the last one to find out since she hadn’t woken up yet, but when she did, she stared at them in confusion. Toshirou had gone to Snack Otose where Gintoki was with the kids. It was his day off and he went to visit them.

Gintoki kissed him as soon as he went inside much to Toshirou’s embarrassment since he wasn’t much for PDA. Kagura retched in disgust and Shinpachi and Catherine complained about the PDA, but Gintoki just smirked and kissed Toshirou again more heatedly until the latter punched him in the face. 

Otose just stared at them with a mix of disgust and fondness and Tama continued swiping as if nothing had happened. It was Kagura that brought it up.

“Oh, yeah, Tama, you haven’t heard the news yet!” She exclaimed once Toshirou finally sat down on the counter as Gintoki stood up holding his sore cheek. Tama stopped her work to look at the girl. “You missed it! Toshi and Gin-chan are finally a couple!” She exclaimed. “They stopped being 2 idiots that were too afraid to confess and now they’re just 2 idiots that hurt my eyes everytime they kiss.” Her smile fell, getting a more serious look. “Maybe they were better before when they didn’t traumatize me everytime they walked into a room together.” She muttered thoughtfully. 

Tama stared at them in confusion. “I don’t think I understand.” She said. 

“What do you not understand, Tama?” Otose asked. “Do I have to give you The Talk?” She sighed.

“Please don’t!” Everyone, but Tama and a confused Kagura exclaimed. 

“What is The Talk?” Kagura asked, but was ignored by everyone. 

“What is it that you don’t understand, Tama-san?” Shinpachi asked, cheeks slightly red at the mention of The Talk and wanting to change the subject. 

“Haven’t Gintoki-sama and Hijikata-sama always been in a relationship?” She asked.

Toshirou choked on his drink and Gintoki patted his back. “No, Tama. We have only been together for a short time.” Though they have been sleeping together for longer. 

She seemed even more confused. “But, according to my data, Gintoki-sama’s heart has always beat faster around Hijikata-sama and that is an indication that there are romantic feelings towards him.”

Gintoki blushed. “Shut up, Tama.”

“And Hijikata-sama has also had the same feelings for a really long time.” She added, making Toshirou blush now. 

“That’s not true. Shut up.” Toshirou mumbled. 

Kagura rolled her eyes. “That’s because they’re idiots, Tama. And they didn’t want to confess, because they are idiots, yes?”

Shinpachi nodded. “Yes, they were really stubborn.” He said. “Everyone could see they were into each other before they did.”

Otose nodded. “Yeah. And it was pretty obvious they have been fucking too for years.”

Now both Toshirou and Gintoki choked. “Yes, they have been throwing each other bedroom eyes for ages.” Catherine added. “Pretty disgusting.”

Kagura and Shinpachi nodded. 

“Oh, I see.” Tama said. “Then my readings were not wrong after all.” 

“Yeah, I’m leaving now.” Toshirou mumbled completely embarrassed. 

Gintoki stood up too. “I’m leaving too.” He declared. 

“Don’t be so loud, there’s kids here!” Otose shouted as they both left with their faces completely red. 

“Let’s go somewhere very far away from here.” Gintoki said.

Toshirou nodded. “Now I get why Otose always looked at me like she knew something…” he sighed. 

Gintoki sighed too. “Now I know why she used to ask me about you.” He grimaced. “At least it wasn’t because she was into you like I suspected.”

Toshirou furrowed his eyebrows. “Why would you think that?” He asked, sounding quite perturbed by the idea.

Gintoki shrugged. “She once mentioned you reminded her of her late husband.”

Toshirou shuddered. “That kind of explains some things…”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. “What things?” He asked, scared of the answer.

“I don’t want to talk about that.” Toshirou said, face troubled.

Gintoki grimaced. “Yeah, I don’t want to know either.”

“I need a drink.” Toshirou said. 

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t it too early?” He asked.

Toshirou sent him a look. “When has that ever stopped you?”

Gintoki shrugged. “Fine, let’s go.” He said. 

They spent the rest of the evening drinking before they stumbled into a love hotel, wanting to be very far away from Otose and the kids for what they were about to do. 

An hour or so later, Toshirou and Gintoki laid in the bed panting, the alcohol already gone from their system. They closed his eyes to sleep for a while, both deciding to spend the night here instead of going back to their respective homes. 

A minute passed of silence until Gintoki sat up in the bed, looking at Toshirou with a shit-eating grin. 

“Now that I think about it,” Toshirou could already sense danger coming from his tone, “why were you so interested in Kuroyasha?”

Toshirou turned around on the bed, giving Gintoki his back so he wouldn’t notice his red cheeks. “I was just curious about the legend. Before I investigated you I had never heard of the Fifth Heavenly King.” He said, and it was only partially true. 

Gintoki hummed. “Then why would you always ask about my relationship with him, huh ? That wouldn’t help you to know more about an ex-joui.” Toshirou stayed quiet. “Don’t tell me…” Gintoki snickered. “Were you perhaps jealous ? Of yourself ?”

“Shut up!” Toshirou growled, elbowing him in the gut, though it didn’t stop Gintoki from laughing his ass off. 

“I can’t believe it!” He exclaimed. “You were jealous of yourself!” He laughed. 

Toshirou kicked him, making Gintoki fall off the bed. “Shut up, idiot! I wasn’t jealous!” He growled, glaring at the laughing mess on the floor. 

“You were! You definitely were!” Gintoki laughed. “I always thought it was so strange you brought him up so frequently. I thought you suspected something about your past.”

Toshirou moved to the edge of the bed to continue kicking Gintoki. “Shut up! It wasn’t jealousy! I was just curious.” He lied. 

“Curious about who held your beloved’s heart?” Gintoki mocked, receiving another kick in the face. 

Toshirou continued kicking him over and over. Gintoki just protected his dick, but continued laughing. “Curious as to who you were imagining when you slept with me!” Toshirou shouted and his leg froze in the middle of a kick when he realized what he had just said. “I-I mean-”

“What?” Gintoki asked, eyes wide, all laughter gone from his face. 

“Nothing. Forget what I just said.” Toshirou said, getting back inside the bed sheets and hiding his face under them, giving his back to Gintoki. 

Gintoki sat on the bed again. “What did you mean by that?” He asked, voice soft.

Toshirou sighed. “Please just forget I said anything.” He pleaded.

“Toshirou, you need to tell me.” Gintoki said. “Did you think I was replacing you, I mean, Kuroyasha with you?”

Toshirou didn’t respond.

“ Why ?” Gintoki asked. 

“‘ Why’ ?” Toshirou repeated with a self-deprecating tone. “Gintoki, before that first night together, did you ever really show interest in me ?” He asked. Gintoki stayed silent. “You only ever seemed to be interested when you were too drunk to realize I was not Kuroyasha. Or that’s what I thought, since apparently I was always him.” He snorted. Gintoki couldn’t see his face since he was still under the bed sheets. “And that day we had just been talking about him, the person who you have claimed before to still love and all that.” He continued. “What was I supposed to think when the person who had confused me more than once with his past lover suddenly kissed me out of nowhere after talking about said lover?” He sighed. “I thought you were just using me to forget him or something.” Toshirou squirmed under the bed sheets. “I was fine with it. I really was.” Gintoki noticed the lie right away. “Now that I know everything, I think it was really stupid of me to think that, wasn’t it?” He mumbled. 

Gintoki put a hand on Toshirou’s shoulder that was tense under the sheets. “You’re an idiot.” He said.

Toshirou finally got out of the bed sheets to sit up and glare at him. “Oi!”

Gintoki just stared at him with dead fish eyes. “You didn’t need to be Kuroyasha for me to want to fuck you.”

Toshirou blushed. “ Huh ?!”

Gintoki clicked his tongue. “I think you were the only one who didn’t know I was into you.” He said. 

Toshirou frowned. “Well, how am I supposed to know it was because of me and not from the memories you had of me?” 

Gintoki shrugged. “Sure, that was a factor. But I had already given up on ever getting that Toshirou back. I thought your memories had been gone for good and there was no way of getting them back.” He said. “You were no longer the scrawny teen that was a little too shy and feisty at the same time. You were now an adult with a temper and bad habits.” Toshirou glared at him. “You were different, but at the same time the same. I could still see the determination and loyalty in you. I care about the new you as much as I cared about the old one.” Gintoki took his hand as Toshirou stared at him wide eyed. “I love you, no matter what.” He declared. “I never slept with you thinking about the old you, just the present.”

“Gintoki…” Toshirou mumbled.

“Though I did try to remember what you liked best in bed.” Gintoki added.

Toshirou frowned again, taking his hand back. “That explains some things.”

Gintoki shrugged with a smirk. “At least your sweet spots haven’t changed at all in all these years.” He said amused.

Toshirou punched him again. “Whatever.” He mumbled, face hot.

Gintoki snickered. “And you still blush like you used to.” He mocked. Toshirou punched him again. “Though your punches got stronger.” Gintoki winced. “Can you please stop abusing Gin-san so much? My body is starting to hurt.” He pouted.

Toshirou rolled his eyes. “You deserved it.” He said, laying back down on the bed and crossing his arms.

“No, I didn’t!” Gintoki exclaimed, but he laid by Toshirou’s side. 

“But…” Toshirou said then, voice softer, quieter. “I love you.” He mumbled. 

Gintoki smiled widely, hugging Toshirou close. “Toshirou! I love you too!”

Suddenly, Toshirou elbowed him again, sitting up to glare at him. “Oi! Now that I think about it. Who the fuck did you called an androgynous beauty?!”

Gintoki gulped in fear.