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Chapter Text

All I knew was darkness. 

It was not the shadows of the dark side. Not the darkness of Snoke’s punishments or the blackness of oblivion from pain. It was just… the darkness of rest I had not felt in so long. It was the darkness of dreams, the shadows between worlds.

Between lives.

I jerked within the depths, phantom hands reaching, pulling. This could not be the end. No, there was something — someone — I needed to come back to. Here, in this darkness, it was difficult to recall. But I thought I could remember the delicate curve of a small nose, an outstretched callused hand. 

My little scavenger.

Rey.

The realization pulsed within my soul and small tendrils of gray curled through the dark. Like fresh water on your lips surrounded by desert sand or the hum of a saber in the palm of your hand. Power and possibility and hope.

The force.

And it was not light or dark. It just merely was. I could see that clearly now. 

Around me, the world came back into focus. First in flashes: a dense forest, a crowded marketplace, a sandy dune, until it settled on one place. But it was not the dark caves of Exegol where I’d fought alongside Rey. It was lush and green, an expanse of water framed by short, ornate columns. The sweet scent of blossoms on the wind mixing with the clean scent of the lake.

“Ben.”

I turned, surprised that I had not sensed another’s presence in the force. The man was tall, almost as tall as me. He wore the robes of a jedi, sandy-brown hair free and curling around his shoulders. But it was his eyes I focused on most of all — and it wasn’t the scar over his right eye that I noticed, it was the love that radiated from them like a tractor beam, calling me in.

It was not Darth Vader standing in front of me, as I’d always imagined. Not the powerful Sith I’d called to for strength in my weakest moments. The man standing before me was neither light nor dark, just like the force. He was the perfect balance of the two.

Anakin Skywalker. 

“Grandfather…” I breathed. 

His hand closed over my shoulder, squeezing enough that I could feel the strength which coursed through him. The power that rippled beneath the surface of his skin. My throat burned with the affection and I swallowed. I wasn’t sure what he would say next. If it would be recriminations on his lips, judgement that would seep from his eyes. And though I anticipated it, was conditioned to expect it, I still flinched from his touch.

“Ah, Ben,” he murmured sadly, shaking my shoulder.

I swallowed again, unable to stop my wince at the movement. Trying to stop my hand from reaching defensively towards where my saber should be. Whatever he had to say, I would bear it. I would weather the storm. 

“I am so proud of you,” he said, before pulling me into his arms as if I were merely a boy. 

My face pressed against the soft fabric of his robe and before I could realize what I was doing, I was clinging to him. The burning in my throat climbing to my face and pushing through my eyes. A hand tenderly pressed to the back of my head 

 I didn’t understand his words or the way he held me as if he meant them. Kindness, compassion, gentleness — it had not been a part of my life in a very long time. Yet I shook against him, tears welling and spilling over until I cried like the boy he cradled me as. He shushed me with gentle words, swaying us back and forth as the breeze ruffled our hair and the lake gently lapped against the shore. 

He would have been a good father, I thought.

“Why?” I finally gasped. “I chose… I chose wrong. For so long.”

The dark side. I had chosen the path of the Sith. The path of anger and hate, believing it would make me strong. Shunning the song of the light. I felt the shake of his head from where his chin rested atop mine and he clutched me tighter.

“I too, chose wrong, Ben. Yet, when it mattered most, I changed my mind.” He pulled back to look at me. “Just like you.” 

His face was kind with all the affection a grandfather would have for his only grandson, though he looked to be similar to me in age. Luke had never spoken about what had taken place on the Death Star before it was destroyed, only that he believed his father had turned from the dark and into the light. 

“But unlike you, I did not see the error of my ways until it was too late,” he continued. “I did not have the ability to start to atone for the pain, the torment, the evil I had caused. All I could do was stare into the face of my son and ask for forgiveness.”

I shook my head, stepping from the circle of his arms.

“I didn’t atone for anything, Grandfather,” I said, hands fisting at my sides. 

The scarred eyebrow raised in what might have been amusement. With a swagger I thought I recognized in my own gait, he crossed to one of the ornate stone pillars and leant an elbow against it. 

“Was I mistaken then, when I saw you racing across a Sith citadel, wielding my lightsaber and taking down Palpatine?” He turned, squinting out towards the lake before looking at me again. “It seems I still have perfect sight.”

Biting the inside of my cheek I released my fists slowly. “No, you aren’t mistaken.”

A small grin pulled up the side of his face and he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You chose the light, Ben, and it chose you — has been choosing you for years. And that is why you are here, because of that choice. But it is not just the light, it is the dark. It is the way that you wielded both towards your goal: to save the woman you loved. That is what the masters never understood.”

He stepped forward, releasing his arms and placing his hands over my shoulders. We were almost eye to eye and the intensity of his gaze felt like the fires of Mustafar. Guilt clenched tight within my stomach, mixing with the fear. To save the woman you loved. And yet I had realized it too late. The truth had been there all along. But was it love? Or was it merely the creation of a mad man.

It was love, a voice whispered inside of me that sounded so much like my little scavenger it made my heart ache. Itis love.

“There is no power without balance. No light without the dark. No joy without sorrow. No beginning without an end.”

No beginning without an end.

“And is this my end, Grandfather?” I asked, looking around me. 

The stone railing, the lake, the high lush green mountains. It was familiar and yet distant all at once. He chuckled softly, shaking his head and his hands slid down to the tops of my arms, squeezing once. He guided me towards the edge and placed his free hand onto the stone.

“This is not your end, but mine,” he answered. “This is Varykino, where I married your grandmother. And here is where I wait until the end of time, for her to arrive so that I may beg for her forgiveness. In the place where our two hearts joined as one until I ripped them apart.”

There was a faint echo of screaming on the wind. The cry of heartbreak. The soft gasp of a fading breath, a life slipping away. 

Frustration itched at the back of my neck. I had felt it when I’d healed Rey. The final tendrils of my strength moving into her. Giving her back her life in place of my own. I’d done so willingly and without regret. How could he say that this was not my end?

“For you, my boy, this is merely the beginning,” he finally said. “A new chapter, a new moment, a new hope. A new song, and this one without end.” 

He turned to me then, his hand touching my cheek softly, lovingly. In that touch was a spark, a light, a fire that skittered through my skin and into my veins, circling around my heart.

“Wake up, Ben.”

Chapter Text

I woke with a gasp, jolting upright and my hand flying to my chest.

A thin layer of dust and dirt slid off my skin. I coughed, choking on the mist. It took a few times to focus, to see the jagged rocks surrounding me in the darkness. I was alive.

Alive and alone.

The force hummed around me and I used it to reach out. I was truly alone, there was not another life on this planet as far as I could tell. Had it been minutes? Hours? Days? If I moved fast enough, could I catch Rey before she left the planet?

Rey.

My heart clenched with unbridled longing. The taste of her lips like the whisper of a dream shrouded in a nightmare. The ghost of her lifeless body heavy in my arms. I ran a hand over my face, dislodging more dust before searching the ground. 

Lying beside me was my grandfather’s saber, as if someone had placed it there in reverence. It, too, was covered. The hilt was warm in my palm and I could have sworn for a moment that I felt the steady pressure of a hand on my shoulder, shaking me.

It’s time to go, boy. The words weren’t audible, it was more a feeling, a resonance in my chest.

I pushed to my feet, muscles tight and straining. My lungs burned as I drew in air and pulled the force around me, using it to quiet the pain. Eventually, my gait became less of a limp, steadier as I picked my way through the wreckage, letting my instincts guide me to a way out. I forced myself to focus on each body I passed, covered in dust and debris, and acknowledge the loss that had been wrought. The devastation that was made by men mad with power.

Including me.

By the time I found the TIE scout I’d commandeered to get to Exegol I was panting, my energy not able to keep up with the amount of force healing I had to do. With relief I slid into the cockpit, jump starting the engines and closing my hands over the controls before I paused.

Where was I supposed to go? 

I closed my eyes, reaching out for the bond I’d grown to cherish. Maker, but I would give anything to hear her voice right now. To see the fire in her eyes, the glare of her teeth in battle, to feel the warmth of the smile on her face — brighter than any sun. 

Find her, I begged. 

There it was, like a spark in the night, the final dying ember in a bed of ashes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The smell of ocean brine in the air, salt on my lips from the sea spray. 

And she was there, on a cliffside surrounded by lush jungle forests I thought I recognized. Staring out into the distance, her hair swirling free around her face and I wondered if it was the mist of the ocean dampening her face or if it was tears. At first, I was sure it was the mist, as smooth as her face was. But then, slowly, the space between her brows puckered and the corners of her lips pulled down. A slight wobble trembled through her bottom lip and she leaned forward to place her hands on her knees.

Her gasp of air rent the peaceful quite around her as her cry grew louder, swallowed by the sound of the sea. That tiny gasp hurt more than the slicing of her saber through my flesh or the crackle of Palpatine’s lightning in my veins. 

I reached out towards her, but my fingertips slipped through her hair like the wind. Incorporeal. Nevertheless, I leaned down, my mouth brushing the top of her head. 

Not as hard to find this time, I said through the bond. But she did not seem to hear. The connection was brittle, so different from when we had sat inside her small room on that cursed cliffside and touched my hand. 

With that, the connection broke and I was gasping again in the fighter, my heart pounding in my chest. I groaned, wiping the spray of sea on a far-off planet from my face before turning to the hyperdrive, grateful I had used one of the special force fighters on my trip here. A trip like this one would take too long without it and commandeering a different ship would take too long.

Carefully I began to navigate out of Exegol. The red mist that surrounded the planet was difficult even for the most seasoned of pilots. On the way in, I had been so focused on Rey I could barely remember how I’d done it. But now, my body weak as the force worked through me, I grit my teeth and tried to focus.

You fly with more than your eyes, kid, I could remember Han Solo… my father… saying. 

I shook my head, trying to clear the memory. His voice was so tangible it was as though he were seated with me in the cockpit. As if I was once again a boy on his knee, pulling on a lever Chewie had deprogrammed. 

His death was a mark on my soul I could never erase. It would be easy to say that it was Snoke that had poisoned my mind, that I had given up control to the dark side. There were nights, in the moments between sleeping and waking, that I thought I could still feel his hand on my face. His thumb stroking my cheek and forgiveness in his eyes. And I knew then as I did now that regardless of what I had been manipulated into being — believing — I was responsible for his death.

A murderer. 

A monster.

I was all the things my little scavenger accused me of and more. The weight of it sat heavy on my shoulders as I navigated the fighter out of atmosphere and into free space. I could only hope that what I had done was enough to start the atonement for my crimes. There would be no such thing as a soul wiped clean — I didn’t deserve that. 

Even now I knew if I had to, I would kill again. For her. For her I would rip the galaxy apart piece by piece, star by star, lifeform by lifeform. I would reduce myself to rubble if it meant another moment of her in my arms. 

I felt the pull of the dark as strong as the light. The two fighting for balance inside, out of harmony. Pushing the ship into hyperspace, I closed my eyes against the flashing blue and white lights, trying to calm the storm that raged within me. 

The light and the dark. 

“Guide me, Grandfather,” I whispered.

That is what the masters never understood, his voice echoed through my mind. There is no power without balance. No light without the dark.

There is only right now. There is only the force. Harmony within one mind, one soul, one body. I could feel it, like the pieces of my saber I had fitted together that long ago day with my Uncle Luke, surrounded by the other Padawans that would one day become my knights. That would one day die by my hand.

“I’m coming, little scavenger,” I said, forcing the words through the bond that was cracking apart between us as the ship dropped out of hyperspace and Selvaris appeared. 

Chapter Text

Selvaris was a small planet out in wild space, close to the Bilbringi System.

As a child, my mother had taken me here as part of an envoy to ensure that all the prisoners housed in the military camps had been freed. It was one of the very few trips she had taken me on, before her advisors encouraged her I would be best left at home — or with my father. 

Yet I remembered the vibrant jungle life, the air heavy with the tangy scent of fruit and the ocean breeze. The way the twin suns beat down heavy on my shoulders as we toured the forests that had been leveled during the rebellion. 

Unsure what the allegiances were on this planet now, I activated the cloaking system on the fighter and navigated through the atmosphere. The closest I got to the surface, the more that tiny, dying spark of the bond flared, guiding me to her. 

My heart thrummed in my chest and I swallowed back the nerves. I closed my eyes, for a moment falling into the old habit of pushing away emotion. To only allow power, vengeance, and anger to flow through my veins. But then I stopped. I would not hide from her — not anymore. 

Because I knew now that I truly had been dead and somehow the force had given me this opportunity to begin again. I would not call it a gift, as the force was not in a habit of choosing favorites, but I would not squander it with returning to the old ways.

There was a small outcropping of trees that I maneuvered the fighter into and I sighed, powering down and taking stock of supplies. I had next to nothing, just my saber. But once I got to Rey we would figure it out, together.

The word made my stomach clench.

 Slowly I picked my way through the jungle, the lush vegetation impeding the speed at which I wanted to travel. Vines and thorns scraped against my cheeks, my arms, but I continued on. I listened to the sounds around me, wondering if she was here alone or with others. Would her precious rebellion leaders be here as well? Those who had fought alongside her, my mother, and uncle? Would they know what happened? Nerves flared inside me again and I took a slow breath to steady my heart.

I would face it, whatever came next.

Eventually I found the cliff face she’d been standing at through the bond. The crystalline ocean roared beneath me, hundreds of feet down. Farther off, I could sense a small settlement beneath, nestled against the sandy beach. The breeze brushed against my skin, cool and relieving after the humidity of the jungle. There was a small disturbance in the force, like the tapping of many fingers against my skull. Slowly, I turned.

 She was there, standing only feet away from me.

Rey’s hair was free of her usual hairstyle, longer than I’d ever seen it and swirling around her face in the wind. She wore a version of her usual leggings and tunic, though her arms were bare. But it was her face I looked at hungrily. The way her eyes squinted against the suns, the curve of her lips, the constellation of freckles splattered across her cheeks. 

In that moment, I thought I understood what peace was. I thought I understood what Grandfather had meant when he’d talked about balance within the force. What Luke had been saying when he’d spoken of acceptance, of humility.

Because I would willingly lay my heart at this woman’s feet and not count the cost. 

And then the sound of energy tearing through a kyber ripped through the air between us. 

“Cyar'ika…” I started, raising my hands up defensively.

Her eyes flared with anger and the tang of fear coated my tongue. She was afraid of me, after everything I had done. Disappointment panged, hollow and empty in my chest before I remembered that I was supposed to be dead. 

“I’m kriffing done,” Rey spat, swinging her saber into the typical Niman opening stance and I blinked at her before a slow smile pulled at the corner of my mouth. 

Somehow, this felt like a better reunion than any other. 

My palm closed around the hilt of my saber and I ignited it right before she charged. Quickly I stepped to the side, my hand closing over her upper arm and swinging her so she wouldn’t careen off the edge of the cliff. But she shook me off too quickly to feel it, parrying and blocking. 

Excitement hummed through me, the delight of finally being awash in her light. Even if it was the light of her saber. Her teeth were bared as she pushed me back and I couldn’t help the laugh that escaped as she flipped her grip. The movement was familiar and I mirrored the action, crouching low to deflect her blade.

She was using Djem So, one of my preferred techniques, and pride swelled through me. How had she learned? Through her memories of our fights? Had she found a new teacher? Just as quickly as the pride came, jealousy reigned. I wanted to be the one to teach her, to make her stronger.

Yet, she was already stronger. I could feel it as she pushed again and again. A dance that grew deadlier to the song of our sabers meeting. 

I could feel the way her rage sharpened her strength and yet she was pushing it away. Trying to use the techniques Luke had taught her. Still, she was grasping for the light, ignoring the parts of the force that would keep her safe — make her strong. 

“Rey,” I grit through my teeth, ducking beneath her arc and grabbing her wrist. “Sweetheart…”

“No!” she cried, deactivating her saber.

I thought that perhaps, despite her negation, she had found reason. But in half a heartbeat she dropped the hilt, snatching it in midair with her free hand. With a swirl of her hair she spun, igniting the blade with a twist of her thumb right before it hit home.

Right in my stomach.

With a groan, I fell backwards. Her eyes widened and she followed, arms around my shoulders until she knelt in the bracken of the jungle. There was a waterfall of hair around her shoulders, blocking out the light of the suns briefly before she pushed it away. Pain seared through my abdomen, almost the exact spot she’d pierced through me on Kef Bir, and I wanted to laugh. All this energy of the force to bring me back, just so I could die again in her arms, but this time by her hand.

I would take it.

“I see you learned Djem So…” I wheezed, hand covering my stomach.

“Shut up, you idiot,” Rey growled, batting my hand aside. Her fingers splayed wide across the wound and her eyes shut.

So different from that sea-soaked day on the moon of Endor. When I had been sure she would deal me the death blow. Now, as half of her face was gilded by the two suns, I knew what she was trying to do. Could savor the hum of her lifeforce sliding into mine. 

Gently, I brushed the hair back from her face, tucking it behind her ear. Her hair was soft, the way Karlini silk was soft. It reminded me of when I’d been caught in my mother’s dressing room, sliding my hands over the silks of the gowns she treasured so much. My heart thumped an irregular rhythm and I swallowed another gasp of pain, focusing on the way the light cast on her face. The curve of her nose, the small space between her lips. The soft furrow between her brows. I let my fingertips linger on the skin of her neck, before blackness surged up to swallow me whole.

Chapter Text

I woke to the sound of frustrated mumbling. 

The scent of meat cooking nearby wafted through the room, mixing with the brine of the ocean and something sweet, almost floral. I groaned, trying to roll to my side before two hands closed over my shoulders.

“Stay still, laserbrain,” Rey grumbled, pushing me back down onto the pallet beneath me.

“What a reception,” I muttered, blinking against the bright light spilling into the room.

The room itself was small and a similar style to the one I’d seen her in when she had been training with Luke. The walls were smooth though, dark brown and curved, with almost no personal effects around the room. Only her staff leaning against one wall and a pair of boots beside the door. 

Rey had her back turned to me, staring out the small window that looked across an expanse of green foliage. There was a small sliver of the ocean visible through the window and I wondered how often she looked at it.

“Is it overwhelming?” I asked without thinking.

After so many years of desert? I wanted to add. After years and years of believing that’s where you would stay, that your parents would come back for you? 

But she knew what I was asking without needing to continue. Her small shoulders fell and her neck curved with the weight of her head. It was strange to see her hair free like that, softly waving to the middle of her back. There were strands of golden sunlight threaded through the brown, just barely catching in the glow that poured through the room.

“Sometimes,” she said softly. “But it’s not as overwhelming as you showing up after being dead for six months.”

Panic sliced through my chest and I sat up quickly, the room slightly spinning with the movement. Six months. No wonder she attacked. The words I so rarely said stuck in my throat and I cleared it once, twice, before trying.

“I’m… sorry.”

Her laugh slid through the air between us, but she didn’t turn to look at me. Instead, her hands fisted at her sides and her head lifted an inch. “I fight you the moment I see you, stab you, and you’re sorry?” 

I didn’t know how to respond to that. With a little effort I turned, my feet landing on the smooth stone floor. Though I felt tired, my body felt better than it had when I’d woken on Exegol. The wound, though life-threatening, must not have been as fatal as it had been on Kef Bir. 

“Rey…” I started. Her shoulders tensed. “Cyar'ika—”

“Don’t call me that.”

“—look at me.” 

Like sand, she collapsed within herself. Head bowing, shoulders rounding. Her sorrow was a tangible being in the force between us, like another living creature in the room. 

“I can’t,” she rasped.

I took a slow step forward, my heart unsteady in my chest. When I reached out one hand, it trembled.

“Why not?”

The sound of the air moving through her lungs was like the ignition of a saber, the starting of an engine, the song of something unbridled beginning. The song of grief. 

“Because if I look at you, it means you lived,” she said, her voice rough. “It means I left you on Exegol. It means I abandoned you.”

Of course, the idea would tear her apart. My little scavenger… I could see it, see the memories as I had seen them in her mind all those years ago when I’d brought her aboard my ship. Squatting in the sand and staring off into the sky. Fighting just to survive each and every day, knowing in the back of her mind she had been left behind. 

I curled my hand around her upper arm, turning her towards me. Her eyes were shut tight, face pinched, holding herself against the onslaught. Slowly I touched the skin of her cheek, sliding my hand through her hair and drawing her to me. Her arms curled tight against my chest, face pressed to the dirty fabric of my shirt, the scent of that long ago fight still clinging to the fibers. 

This feeling was new. I had never been good at comfort, at gentleness, but I would try — for her I would try. I ran a hand over her hair, down her back, pressing my cheek to the top of her head. It felt natural to sway her lightly, the same way my grandfather had comforted me. Her shoulders shook and there was only the smallest sound that escaped her lips. A tiny hiccup, a bubble of pain popping. 

I looked up at the rough ceiling, trying to stem the flow of my own grief. Of the guilt that tore me apart. Yes, I had chosen right in the end, but before that — I had been the cause of so much pain, so much evil. And yet here she was in my arms.

I shushed her and with each moment that passed, each shake of her shoulders, each tear shed, she relaxed in my arms. 

“You didn’t leave me,” I whispered into her hair. She shook her head against my chest and I closed a hand over her shoulder, drawing her back enough to look into her face. “You didn’t leave me.”

Rey squeezed her eyes shut again. “You died, Ben. I felt it.”

I nodded. “I did.” 

Her brows pulled together; confusion clear across her face. She drew away from me and I knew it was not because she didn’t want to be close to me. It was the same reason that I wanted to reach forward, to pull her into my arms. The want — the need of each other was terrifying. 

But how to put it into words? How to describe the way it had felt, resting in the darkness. Those flashes of images of unfamiliar planets and worlds? I tried the best I could, tried to explain what it had been like to stand on the stones of Varykino with Anakin Skywalker. To look into the face of the man I had tried to emulate and realized I had failed. Because the man I had tried to emulate was not the man in front of me. 

I had wanted to become a monster, so I had.

By the time I finished Rey was sitting on the small pallet bed she’d laid me in. Knees pulled up tight to her chest and arms wrapped around her shins. I could only see her eyes, where they peered over the tops of her knees. I knelt in front of her, wrapping a hand around her ankle.

“The First Order has all but fallen,” she said finally, voice muffled by her legs. Her eyes flicked down to mine then and I could see the question in them.

“Then I will do all I can to ensure they are destroyed for good,” I answered, squeezing once. 

The silence between us lengthened. The years of words and weapons thrown between us. The uncertainty. The fear. I could remember with perfect clarity the pleading look in her eyes when I had offered her my hand. The desperation in her gaze, the feral, possessiveness I had felt over her as we had killed Snoke. Destroyed his throne room. And then I had ascended to Supreme Leader.

And I had descended into madness.

“I’m ready now, Rey,” I said softly. “I’m ready to take your hand.”

Chapter Text

There was no hesitation.

One moment she was curled into a ball on the corner of the pallet, the next she flung herself into my arms. I caught her easily, hand fisting into her hair as I brought her mouth to mine. 

The kiss on Exegol had been a parting. A goodbye. I had felt my connection to the force wane with every heartbeat. She had been the last thing I’d felt before the darkness had consumed. That kiss had been an ending.

This was a beginning. A new chapter. A new melody weaving between time and space. Her lips were soft against mine, her hands trembling as they slid up my chest, shaky fingertips tentatively touching my jaw. I groaned, wrapping one arm around her waist to press her closer to me. 

My fingers tightened in her hair, tipping her head back as I dragged my tongue across the seam of her lips. She opened and I dipped inside, fighting her for dominance, for control of this kiss just as we fought in all else. Her teeth bit into my lower lip, dragging a moan from me even as her hips rocked softly against my lap.

This need was terrifying, soul rocking, planet consuming. I knew she could feel it too. It hummed between us in the force. 

“Rey—” Her lips crashed against mine again. “—cyar'ika—” Her fingers threaded through my hair and I wrapped my hands around her shoulders, pushing her back. The small space between her brow folded with confusion and I touched her cheek. “I need to see you. Please.”

I almost closed my eyes in shame at the desperation in my voice. But then I saw that same desperate need reflected in her and it burned inside of me as quickly as a dying star. My hands flew to her tunic at the same time hers did and together we pulled it up and over her head.

“Stand up for me,” I whispered, afraid that if I spoke too loudly the moment between us may shatter. 

When she stood, I followed, my hands — trembling like hers — finding the tie of her chest wrapping. Slowly, to give her time to stop me, I unwound the fabric. But I didn’t look at her body, I was too caught in the pull of her gaze. There were emotions there that felt dangerous to both of us, emotions I knew she would try to push away, committed as she was to the light.

Desire.

Need.

Lust.

Possessiveness.

But I would not. I didn’t give a damn about the light or the dark, only that she would be with me. Only that I could keep her hand in mine. 

When the piece of fabric hung limply in my hands, I let my attention wander down. From the gentle curve of her nose, to the slight parting of her lips, to the elegant angle of her neck, to the dip of her collarbones. I swallowed but as my gaze moved to her breasts, her arms came up to cover herself. Without thinking, I grabbed her wrists, slowly pulling them away.

“Ben…” she murmured, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

“Let me look at you,” I replied just as soft. 

As she dropped her arms, my lips parted on a small gasp. Her breasts were small, pert and round, with delicate dusty rose nipples. The gentle slope of her stomach, where it dipped into the band of her leggings made my mouth water. I needed to touch her, to taste her, to consume her. My stomach clenched and it took all my control not to grab her, to throw her to the floor. It wasn’t a feeling I was used to. Desire, need, it had been conditioned out of me. 

The first time I had seen Rey, that long ago night in the snowy landscape of Starkiller Base, she had been like a meteor crashing through the sky. Ripping apart all my best laid plans and control. And again, when I’d sensed her on Takodana and taken her prisoner, pulling secrets from her mind. I had thought she was there under my mercy, but I had been so wrong.

I had been under hers. All this time it had been her mercy. Not mine. 

“Perfect,” I breathed, slowly lifting a hand and dragging my knuckles beneath the curve of one breast.

Rey shivered, her lids fluttering.

“I’ve never…” She cleared her throat. “I haven’t—”

I shushed her, my other hand sliding around the warm skin of her waist. “Neither have I.”

She stilled, blinking at me with surprise.  “Never? But…” 

Shaking my head, I leaned down, pressing a kiss to her collarbone, then to her chest. Lowering to my knees until I could kiss the space between her breasts and looked up into her face. 

“It’s always been you, Rey. Only you.”

Gently, she ran her fingers through my hair and the affectionate gesture made my throat burn. I couldn’t face it, not now, not with everything I — we — wanted. So instead, I closed my mouth over one breast, sucking lightly on her nipple and pulling a soft moan from her throat. Fingers tightened in my hair, her back bowing with the sensation. I was growing hard, the pressure rising until I had to reach down to adjust myself. 

I kissed my way across to her other breast, hand closing over the abandoned one to tug lightly on her nipple while I sucked on the other. Chancing a glance up at her, I met her gaze: heated like the light of her saber piercing through my soul. 

Drawing back, I curled my fingers around the waistband of her leggings but paused.

“Yes,” she whimpered, one of her hands curling around my jaw and her thumb brushed against my bottom lip.

Quicker than I’d been with her wrappings, I pulled the leggings down. She steadied herself with my shoulders as she stepped out until she stood before me, glorious as a goddess of the force. But before I could move, she bent over, grabbing for the hem of my tunic and pulling it off. 

“Perfect,” she said, lowering herself to her knees before me. 

With less trepidation, her palms skimmed across my chest, down my torso and up again. They felt small, delicate against the wide ridges of my body, but I knew they were anything but. She was powerful, a force not to be underestimated. And as she dipped her head, pressing a kiss to my shoulder, then my neck, I slid my hands down her back. Desperate to have her closer, my palms closed over the curve of her behind. 

I reached lower, fingertips brushing the back of her inner thighs and groaned at feel the wetness between them. She nipped at my shoulder, arms winding around my neck while I sought out her heat. Fingers sliding effortlessly across the seam of her cunt. She bucked, head falling back before I drew my hand away. The angle felt awkward and I wanted to feel her. To turn that quiet mewl into a roar.

Crooking a finger beneath her chin, I drew her face up to mine. Pressing long, soft kisses to her lips before guiding her down onto the small pallet beside us. She went willingly, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. I slid my hands up her legs, parting her thighs with little resistance and settled between them. Her chest heaved with her panting and I took a deep breath. Savoring the scent of her salty and sweet arousal heavy in the room. 

The force thrummed with the same need. I could feel it, taste it, just as I knew she could taste my own. The bond that connected us, so brittle only hours before now, sharpened, strengthened until it was like a single note echoing between us. 

Softly I dragged one finger between her thighs, gathering up her dewy arousal and circling her clit once with the tip. Her back arched, knees bending and I pressed her thigh away with my free hand before she could try to shut me out. 

“Control, my little scavenger,” I said, circling her clit once more.

Without rush I watched her face as I moved my hand, trying to learn what made her arch, what forced her moans to fly out louder than before. And then I dipped down, pressing one finger to her entrance.

“Oh, Maker, Ben,” she cried as I pushed my finger in.

She was tight, her walls already fluttering around me when I pressed the heel of my hand to her clit. Slowly curling my finger to find the spot I’d heard others whisper about when they thought I hadn’t been listening. Lately, I’d been listening more than I’d wanted to admit, never acknowledging the hope I fostered for this moment between us. 

My cock strained against my trousers. I didn’t touch myself, too afraid that if I did, I would explode. Instead, I worked her slowly, trying to stretch her, testing to see if I could fit a second finger inside. Her hands scrambled against the pallet as I did, sweat dewing across her forehead and chest. 

Rey breathed my name, over and over, like a prayer. Her walls were tightening around my fingers and I kept pace, unable to fight a moan as she exploded with her release. Her cry echoing off the stone room and I leaned down, swallowing the sound as I closed my mouth over hers. 

Once I felt her still around my fingers, I withdrew them, leaning back on my heels to observe them glistening in the soft light of the setting suns. Her eyes widened as I drew them to my lips, sucking her taste off my skin with a moan. She tasted like the sweets I would sneak as a child, like the feeling of the force moving through my veins.

Like home.

Chapter Text

“Come here,” Rey breathed, her hands closing around my upper arms and tugging me down. 

I braced myself on my forearms before rolling to the side, cupping her face and pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth. The suns cast an orange glow, gilding her freckles and sweetening the air with the ocean breeze curling through the window. Far off, there was a murmuring of others, but I paid it no mind. Right here, in my arms, was everything I needed.

While I kissed her, she fumbled with the laces of my trousers, pulling them apart before pushing them down my thighs. I chuckled as she huffed in frustration before she sat up and I lifted my hips, helping her get them the rest of the way down. My cock bobbed, freed of its confines, and smearing pre-come against my stomach. 

I understood now why she’d tried to cover herself. Her gaze was heavy as it roved, but it didn’t feel like she was merely looking at my body. Instead, her gaze felt like she could see each piece of what made me who I was, each wrong turn, each crack in my armor, and yet she did not pry it apart. 

With a recklessness that was utterly Rey, her hands closed over my cock. I groaned, my own flying up to grab her forearm.

“Gently,” I hissed, biting the inside of my cheek to stop myself from exploding all over her hands.

Her brows furrowed but she softened her grip, removing one and steadying herself on my thigh. I guided her slowly, twisting her wrist at the crown of my cock and unable to resist bucking into her fist before mine fell away.

“There’s no way this will fit inside of me,” she mumbled more to herself than to me.

The feeling of her hand on my cock was exquisite, unlike anything I’d ever felt before. How many times had I imagined it, dreamed it, within the safe confines of my mind. That small part that I let hope and dream. A small part that I had buried deep within myself so Snoke could never find it and twist it into something terrible. 

“It — maker — it will,” I moaned.

Rey huffed a small, disbelieving laugh and I knew she was covering up the same thing I felt. The vulnerability of being in another’s arms. Of laying yourself bare. I closed my hand again over her wrist, pulling it away before I could come. 

“Lie down, cyar'ika,” I said gently.

She hesitated for only a moment, her eyes wide and glassy. The light was slowly dying outside the window, soft pinks and purples staining the small piece of sky visible. But I couldn’t spare a moment for the beauty of the planet beyond these walls. I pressed another kiss to her mouth, then her jaw, down her neck and between her breasts. Sliding down her body until my I could press my face into her curls, breathing in the scent of her need.

“Oh…” she breathed as I hooked her knee over my shoulder. I licked one long stripe up, circling the bud of her clit. “Oh.”

I knew that I needed to get her ready, no matter that I’d just assured her I would fit. Sucking on her clit gently, I dragged two fingers up her seam before pressing them inside. Her hands scrambled before threading through my hair. I wasn’t sure for a moment if she was trying to push me away or hold me closer before I realized it was the latter. Her thighs fell open with a gasp while I lapped at her, crooking my fingers to find the spot that had made her come apart.

“Ben, please,” she mewled, tugging more firmly on my hair to pull me up. “Please, need you.” 

“Not yet.” I sucked again, swirling my tongue like I could brand my name to her cunt. “Need you make sure you’re ready for me.”

Scraping my teeth across her clit, she came with a cry. Liquid spilling like power across my hand as her body tensed, knees bending towards her chest and back bowing. Gentling my touches, I withdrew, coating my length in her release.

“I’m ready,” she panted, reaching for me. “I’m ready, Ben.”

Making sure not to crush her, I balanced on one forearm beside her head, brushing a stray lock of hair from her forehead. 

“There will be pain,” I warned, drawing the tip of my cock through her heat. Her lashes fluttered across her cheeks. When her eyes found mine, I pushed in slowly, gritting my teeth at her tight, wet heat. I fought the urge to thrust in to the hilt, to claim her. I noted the way her brows pinched; the firm set of her mouth. “Okay?” 

Her nails dug into my shoulders, pin pricks of heat dancing along my skin.

“I don’t know,” she answered. “I don’t… it doesn’t feel like before, with your hand.”

I nodded, kissing her cheek, then the corner of her jaw. Slowly I pulled out, then pressed back in, a hiss sliding between her teeth. 

“If you don’t like it, we can stop,” I said, biting back a moan.

Truly, I hadn’t meant it as a challenge. But I watched resolve form over her face, firming the line of her mouth. My little scavenger hated to fail as much as I did. 

“Rey, there’s no rush,” I continued, staring to pull out.

Nails scraped down the line of my spine, trying to hold my hips in place. Maker, she was testing my resolve. She felt too good, too perfect. But I needed it to be good for her too. I didn’t want to cause her any more pain than I already had.

“I’m ready,” she mumbled, widening her legs.

Fitting a hand between our bodies, I found her clit hoping it might be a help for her to feel a contrast to the pain sparking through the force. At the same time, I reached through our bond, trying to smooth out the edges of the pain, to soothe her. The soft sigh that echoed between us bolstered my confidence and I pushed in further. 

“Oh…” Rey breathed, tightening her grip on my shoulders.

I dipped down, closing my mouth over one nipple as I thrust further inside. She tilted her hips up to meet mine and I slid home with a moan.

“Rey — cyar'ika — fuck, you feel…” 

She blinked at me, drawing my face up to hers.

“Like home,” she finished for me, leaning up to press her lips over mine.

Home. The word ripped through my chest, the weight of it heavy on my heart. Coming from someone like Rey. Someone who had been orphaned on a planet, who had never settled, always ready for the day she would be swept back into the arms of those who had left her. Nowhere was home. No one was home.

Except now, except with me.

Tentatively I began to thrust, circling my fingertips against her clit, trying to control my release. I was close, so close, but I needed her to come for me. Needed to feel her squeezing around my cock. Tears pricked my eyes, a feeling of calm sliding over my skin like a warm blanket. 

“Rey,” I pleaded, my hips moving erratically with my impending release. Sweat slid between our bodies, her brows furrowing and lids fluttering. “Look at me. I need to see you. Need to watch you coming around my cock.”

She opened her eyes as she clamped down around my cock, walls fluttering and pulling me to the edge. My name danced on her lips, hands gripping my back, my shoulders, my face. I followed her over, thrusting deep and spilling inside her with a shout. It was ecstasy but it was pain. It was vulnerability but it was safety. 

Peace. Comfort. Home. A new song. Not one filled with bloodshed, with power, with hunger and pain. But a song filled with joy, with understanding, with hope. 

“I love you, Ben,” she whispered against my lips.

“You have my heart,” I answered, the force thrumming between us with that new song.

Chapter Text

Night had fallen like a soft blanket around us.

Rey was nestled into my side, her body warm and fighting off the slight chill curling in from the window. Her hand was splayed out across my chest, fingers every now and then running absently over the scars there.

I had never known such comfort. Not even when I’d been a small child on Chandrila. Unlike most children, I had been too connected to the force. Able to sense my mother and father’s anger with one another. Their resentment. Their feeling of being trapped.

Trapped by me. By the life they created together.

They had loved each other once, I knew. Long before I was born. But by the time I came screaming into the world all that love had dried up between them. Love was a liability. It was a weakness. A way for someone to control you, to tear you down piece by piece. I had witnessed that first hand.

But I wasn’t sure if I felt that way anymore. Not here with Rey in my arms. Her heartbeat a steady, reassuring rhythm against mine. Though I could imagine many reasons why we would fight, I could not imagine one where she would reach inside my chest and break my soul.

“I saw you,” she said so softly it blended with the night.

“Where?” I asked, slightly confused.

Rey shifted, propping herself up on her elbow. The light of the small halo lamp beside the pallet was just enough to illuminate her brows, pulled together in stress and the slight downturn of her mouth.

“Everywhere,” she breathed. “After Exegol, I saw you everywhere I went. The forests of Endor, in the marketplace on Coruscant, standing far off on one of the dunes on Tatooine. And you weren’t as I’d left you. You were standing in the clothes of Kylo Ren, without your mask, and merely staring at me.”

I stilled, thinking back to those strange flashes in the darkness. Was that what she had seen? Had my soul been reaching out to hers? Trying to get back?

“When I saw you standing on that cliff… I just…” She clenched her hands into fists. “I couldn’t bear it.”

Pain twisted through my chest.

“You thought if you fought my force ghost it would leave you alone?” I asked, trying to ignore the way the words ate through my heart.

Rey huffed, her eyes rolling. “I don’t know… I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

That was always the way with her. No matter her training with Luke, she always was a reactive little creature. Preferring to strike first and question later.

“Why?” I asked after a long moment of silence.

“Hm?” she hummed, eyes far away.

I touched her cheek, pulling her focus back to me. “Why wouldn’t you want to see me? Even if I had only been a ghost?”

If I had been unable to revive her, I would have cherished any moments I saw her in the force. Would have done everything I could to keep her with me, to bring her back.

Her lips pursed as she thought and my heart beat an uneven rhythm against my chest. Had I gotten this all wrong? Had I fought my way back through the darkness, through death, for someone who did not want me as I did them?

But then she leaned her head into my hand and I felt the wet slide of tears against my thumb.

“Because I couldn’t bear to be reminded of what I had lost. Ben…” She choked on my name, her hand clamping around my wrist. “You died in my arms. And when you died, my hope died with you.”

I sat up, sliding my hand into her hair and pressing my lips to hers. Tasting the salt of her sorrow against my lips. She clung to me, pulling away to duck her head into the crook of my neck.

“That’s how I felt when it was you I thought I’d lost,” I breathed. “I couldn’t bear to live in a universe without you in it.”

She hiccupped against my skin, tears falling steadily against my chest. I smoothed back her hair, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“What happens now?” she asked quietly.

Gently, I pushed her back so I could see her face. Wiping her cheek with my free hand, I gave her a small smile.

“Well, we could always do another cruise aboard the Halcyon,” I teased.

She rolled her eyes, batting my hand away. “Oh yes, because that went so well the last time.”

I chuckled, remembering the fight aboard the starcruiser.  “What do you want to happen now?”

Rey swallowed, the gold flecks of her eyes reflecting in the warm glow of the halo. The idea of so much time did not feel daunting, it felt… exciting. The idea that together we could travel through the galaxy, that we could go where we wanted, free of the constraints of the past.

“I want to start a new Jedi Order,” Rey said softly, more to her hands than to me.

My brows pulled together. Instantly, I was back in the temple on Ossus surrounded by other padawans. I thought I could even feel the braid draped over the side of my shoulder, hear the clap of lightning and thunder from the sparse terrain. Sense the disturbance in the force as my uncle raised his saber to me.

“Why?” I asked through clenched teeth, trying to curb my temper. “Rey, we’re supposed to be letting go. Moving forward. We can’t do that if we’re prescribing to the same rigid ideals as Luke Skywalker and the fallen Jedi Order.”

With each word her shoulders tensed, anxiety and frustration thrumming through the force. She pulled away from me, drawing the blanket up over her chest and crossing her arms.

“It’s my responsibility!” she countered. “I would say it’s yours too if you wouldn’t bite my head off—”

“We owe them nothing, Rey,” I snapped.

“I owe Luke everything,” she answered. “Without him I would be—”

“Nothing.” I finished for her. “You think you would be nothing.”

Rey blew out a frustrated breath, her hands fisting around her. I wanted to shake her, to try to make her see reason. After all we had sacrificed for old men with the whims of the old ways, the last thing I wanted was to bend to their will now that we had our freedom.

“I am nothing without the force,” Rey said in a small voice. “I’m no one.”

Immediately my anger crumpled. As gently as I could, I touched her cheek.

“You are the granddaughter of Palpatine.” She flinched at the name. “And though that name is associated with the dark, it still means you are somebody. So much more than merely another jedi strong with the force, or a little scavenger on Jakku.”

Rey shook her head. “All the more reason why I must start this order.”

Stubborn. So stubborn, like a bantha in the desert. She was set on this path regardless of what I said. Luke had accomplished with her what he had not with me. Seated before me was a true Jedi, one who would be committed to the light — even if it meant sacrificing her own free will.

Which meant it was my responsibility to be there for Rey. If she let herself, she would use the fire inside of her until it was merely coals. Until all that what would be left of her was ashes. I couldn’t allow that to happen.

“Then let me help you,” I said finally, placing my hand over hers. “We can find a new way to train the next generation of Jedis. One without the barbaric and rigid ways of the past.”

Rey blinked at me and it made me ashamed for a moment that she had only ever seen my anger. That until now, she’d only truly ever known Kylo — a man who rage was his only friend.

“You would do that?” she asked, eyes glassy.

I nodded, leaning forward to cup her cheek.

“I would follow you to the edge of the galaxy, Rey. Past the outer rim. As long as we’re together.”

She kissed me softly and I could feel the smile on her lips.

“Together,” she agreed.

“Together.”