Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Caelus is not human.

This isn't a secret to anyone on the Astral Express. Everyone on board had seen, or heard, about how Caelus was created. The very happenstance being caught on video by one of Herta's surveillance cameras.

Caelus is not human.

This isn't spoken about by anyone on the Astral Express. Throughout their journey so far, the closest anyone gets to bringing up what exactly Caelus is is mentioning the stellaron within him.

Caelus does not know what he is.

Caelus is not human, but Caelus is not just the stellaron.

They've seen how stellarons can corrupt. They've seen how stellarons can destroy. The point of their travels is to help planets that are negatively affected by stellarons, afterall.

He doesn't like to think about the dreams he had about Cocolia and the stellaron. The slow descent from the Cocolia of the past to the Cocolia who was willing to allow the death of her home because of a thing just like what's inside Caelus.

Instead, Caelus remains jovial. Though he doesn't know much of the world, having only gained consciousness a little while ago, he likes being happy much more than he being sad. So he jokes, he teases, he rummages through trash, and he ignores the consistent feeling of dread in his stomach.

It was an easy decision. He's not quite sure why others decide to be sad when they could just brush things off. He does his best to pick up humanity's societal cues - he's more careful when he speaks on other's feelings. Caelus figures that if some human's decide to be sad, he would respect their choice. Even if he thinks they're silly for it.

When he, March, and Dan Heng made it back onto the Astral Express after watching Bronya's inauguration he voiced his curiosity.

"I don't understand why Bronya decided to lie about what happened with Cocolia."

He was lying on the express' couch next to Himeko who was sipping on her precious coffee. The others were off in other parts of the train. The woman paused mid-drink before humming in aknowledgement.

"You mentioned that she thought it was best for the people of Belobog, yes?"

Caelus nodded.

"Well," Himeko had began, taking another sip of coffee. "She likely thought telling them the truth would cause an uproar of sorts. It would be difficult to rebuild if the citizens despaired."

Caelus nodded again.

But Caelus wasn't sure he understood.

Why would the citizens be sad?

Sadness only got in the way. It's too hard to move forward when someone is sad. The feeling he ignores in his stomach is probably something similar to that and he does a good job of not paying it any mind for the sake of pushing on.

Maybe it would be more human of them to succumb to the feeling?

Caelus is not human.

Caelus did not understand why humans chose to be sad.

Caelus did not realize that humans did not get a choice.

Until he himself could not make a choice.

Until the constant dull ache of despair crawled out his stomach and into the rest of his body bringing a warm discomforting sensation around his eyes.

Until the warmth around his eyes made them ache and he swears that he could feel a strange wetness pool.

Because Caelus had chosen not to be sad, he had also chose not to put much thought into Kafka. She was one of the few things he could remember before meeting Dan Heng and March. The memories were hazy but they were warm. Her voice was comforting. If he closed his eyes he could practically feel the delicate hand that caressed his cheek before disappearing - before leaving him behind to a future he had no say in.

It was hard not to think about Kafka when she was standing in front of him. Or, hovering in front of him? They're not very sure how the whole holograph thing works. Maybe that's why Silver Wolf kept appearing on the express after their run through the Simulated World.

The point is, Kafka appearing out of nowhere really threw a wrench in his efforts to ignore his problems. There were so many questions he wanted - needed - to ask.

Why was he created?

Why did she put a stellaron in him?

Was he based off someone, something? Or was he just ideas scrapped together by the Stellaron Hunters minds?

Why did she toss him on two feet that could barely walk on their own to bumble amuck?

Why did she leave?

Caelus can't explain why his throat clogs up whenever he wonders why Kafka didn't stay. He knows that he had materialized out of code. He knows he'd only been conscious long enough to know Kafka for barely five minutes. He knows it's silly to hurt.

Back when Himeko offered him the oppurtunity to join the Nameless on the express, they decided (regardless of their actual purpose) that they wanted to help people. They wanted to do right by people like Bronya, like Seele, like all the people in Belobog.

But even still, he wonders.

Why was he created?

Why does he exist at all?

Answers he desires to questions he's too scared to ask. So, when Kafka barely spares him a glance he keeps silent. He stares at her as she glides around the express, her words of Xianzhou Luofu didn't register, and the one time her eyes did land on him he looked away.

Her parting words repeat in his head after her holograph disappears.

"Our destinations may differ, but the orbits will eventually converge."

Perhaps that's why Kafka was so okay with leaving him behind?

Because she knew they would meet again?

Was there a plan made with him, that he wasn't made aware of?

Was that his purpose? To mindlessly follow a string of fate invisible to him alone?

He clenched his fist. In a daze, he watched March leave the cart to speak with the still absent Dan Heng. Caelus' mind was running rampant. A sudden wave of unrestricted emotion smacking him across the face.

What an awful feeling.

They went to Mr. Yang first.

"What do you make of it, Mr. Yang?" He asks the man, who in turn questions Kafka's honesty.

Mr. Yang explains in a calm tone that though the Xianzhou Alliance is small, it is quite strong. It was hard for Mr. Yang to believe that a stellaron would take them down when they have an Aeon on their side.

Considering everything that happened in Belobog, he's not sure that's a valid claim. But, Caelus doesn't voice his concern.

"Either the Stellaron Hunters are lying, or there's an even bigger threat lurking on the Xianzhou Luofu."

Instead of answering, Caelus moves to speak with Pom-pom and Himeko who speaks on how it's the Nameless' duty to verify Kafka's claims for the sake of those who could be hurt if they were true.

Caelus agrees.

But, Caelus is also selfish.

Of course, they want to go to the Xianzhou Luofu to make sure the residents are safe, but even more than that he wants to go to find answers.

They look at the door connecting the train's cars.

March seemed so against going. He's not sure he's seen her like this before. He's seen her annoyed, and frustrated, but never quite angry.

Something about Kafka made is friend angry.

"You should go check on them, Caelus." Himeko places a hand on his shoulder an encouraging smile on her face. He smiles back, albiet more unsure of the expression than he typically is, and nods. Caelus pulls at the edge of one of his gloves, hyping himself up, before nodding again and going.

In the next car, March and Dan Heng are talking. He only catches the end of their conversation before the two turn to him.

March still looks angry, her hands placed on her hips and her eyebrows furrowed.

Dan Heng does not look angry. He also does not look how he usually does, calm and assured. His expression is still relatively neutral but there's a certain tension that's there that doesn't belong. He nods at Caelus barely meeting his eyes, before looking towards the ground.

Dan Heng had never not met Caelus' eyes.

One angry, one wavering.

Two atmospheres following his friends that he had not seen before.

Three if you count the disaster hurricane of feelings within him as well.

It was almost impressive how easily Kafka's appearence stirred up newness in his life. First she creates him, sets him on a course, and then the minute he gets comfortable she stirs it all up.

There's probably a ton of jokes in there somewhere to be made. But, as mentioned before, Caelus has gotten much better at not making ill-timed jokes (even at his own expense) and from the looks on both his friend's faces any joke he made would probably be in poor faith.

He kept his mouth shut.

Instead he turned to March.

"I'm so mad! She just hijacks our communications and then hangs up? So, rude! Caelus, you used to know her, right? Was she always like this?"

Caelus did not know.

Caelus did not remember.

Caelus wanted to remember.

"She was... nice." He mutters thinking back on his vague memories of his creation. Her voice had been so kind. Despite everything he likes to think she was.

"Oh yeah?" March responds doubtfully. "Maybe she really liked you."

There was a brief silence between the three, a slight awkwardness that had never really existed around them before.

"Oh yeah. I just spoke to Dan Heng, here's the deal: we're all gonna vote against!"

Caelus chest clenched. He glanced at Dan Heng who still wasn't looking back at him. They looked back at March who looked like she expected Caelus to immediately agree. The longer the silence between them lingered that heavier it felt.

March's gaze was suddenly impossible for him to meet.

"I want to vote in favor." Caelus replied, practically in a whisper.

He hadn't understood why Bronya and Seele would've ever lied to their people to spare their feelings. He thinks he understands it now.

Caelus had never felt like he was tempted to lie to March before now. Never felt tempted to lie to anyone on the express before now.

"I should've known you'd listen to that Stellaron Hunter. Whatever-" the rest of March's words were lost on them. Static filled his ears and his chest tightened. Her voice was cold and harsh and it was directed full force at him.

Caelus' eyes widened. His eyes warmed.

He seens many of the friends made on his journey tear up before.

Natasha's glassy eyes when she spoke of her brother.

Hook's large overwhelming tears due to the successes of their important Mole missions.

Bronya's silent cries after her mother's death.

But, Caelus himself had never felt an ounce of a need to cry before now.

Maybe it was unfair of him to assume March would understand. He wasn't really good at voicing what he wanted, usually just going and doing whatever anyone else told him to do. He turned to Dan Heng.

Maybe it was unfair to hope Dan Heng would say something. Maybe it was unfair to be disappointed with what Dan Heng said.

"I can't go to Luofo." Dan Heng still would not look Caelus, his arms crossed protectively against his chest.

"You and Luofo have history?"

"I'm forbidden from setting foot on that ship." He continued. "So, if you're planning on going I can't go with you."

Caelus could do nothing but nod.

March did not want to go.

Dan Heng did not want to go.

Caelus wanted to go.

And that was that.

Caelus didn't like the idea of traveling without March and Dan Heng. Despite all the tragedy that happened on Belobog he had had so much fun. He felt very close with both of these people.

But, Caelus was selfish.

He would not argue. The two surely had their reasons. They were his friends so he would accept their stance. But he would not change his mind.

Instead he nodded, and with a deept shuddery breath, he left.

He did not look back at Dan Heng who glanced solemnly at his back nor March who reached out her hand with some remorse.

When it was time for the Nameless to vote, he closed his eyes and put his hand out.

Chapter Text

Caelus stared into the waters before him, as far away from everyone else as he could. His head hurt.

Pom-pom had mentioned to him in the past that thinking too hard can make your brain ache. They think the feeling must be similar to this because his thoughts would not stop whirlwinding.

Dan Heng is Dan Heng.

But at some point Dan Heng was not Dan Heng.

Caelus wasn't always Caelus either - probably - so that's not what was making him think so hard.

And it isn't as if Dan Heng was lying about anything. The other hadn't even wanted to come onto the ship and was honest about being banned. Dan Heng omitted things, but Dan Heng did not lie.

Dan Heng was no Tingyun.

Dan Heng would not turn around and betray them.

Caelus may not have known Tingyun well enough to determine her truth, but he knows Dan Heng.

Dan Heng would not betray them.

Dan Heng would not betray him.

Dan Heng would not betray his friends.

The whole reason he was willing to risk coming onto Xianzhou was for Caelus, March, and Mr. Yang's safety after all! It's a ridculous notion to believe that he would do anything to bring them harm or strife after willingly putting himself in dangers way.

But...

Caelus thinks. And his brain continues to throb as he considers. Unconciously, Caelus taps his thumb along the individual pads of his fingers one after another. They nibble at their lip.

Dan Heng would not betray them, but Dan Heng may leave them.

They don't want Dan Heng to leave.

Caelus didn't look behind him, but he knew the others were talking. They could hear Dan Heng talk to Fu Xuan, then March, then Jing Yuan, and then Mr. Yang. He didn't look to see Dan Heng make his way towards him.

There's apart of him that believes that if he does move his eyes to the approaching Dan Heng, the uncomfortable warmth behind his eyes that only led to tears would return. He thinks something simimlar would happen if he speaks a word.

So when Dan Heng finally stands in front of him, Caelus remains silent.

Caelus glances to the side to avoid Dan Heng's searching gaze.

In the peripherals of his vision he could see Dan Heng open and close his mouth a couple times as if the words he wants to say refuse to be forced out.

Finally, Dan Heng spoke.

"Is there nothing you'd like to ask?" His posture was tense and his voice was coated with emotions Caelus struggled to put a pin on.

Caelus was known to ask a question or two (or five) to just about everyone on his journey. He doesn't know a lot, and Himeko had told him it was always better to ask questions than to remain ignorant.

So, he did.

He also typically ignored any silly social cues. It didn't matter how out-of-pocket his question was because they figured if someone didn't want to answer they wouldn't. Simple.

This time, Caelus only had one quesrion.

He didn't want to ask it.

Because what if he got an answer he didn't want?

Caelus would never force Dan Heng to do something he didn't want to. Caelus fears that if he asks the question to Dan Heng, and gets the dreaded answer there would be no turning back. At least, if he didn't know Dan Heng's answer he could still hope it wouldn't be the dreadful one.

His gaze shifts around some more still avoiding Dan Heng, before landing on the other's shoes.

Even Dan Heng's shoes were different.

Everything was different.

So, Caelus didn't want to ask.

So, Caelus didn't ask.

So, Caelus stayed silent.

So, Caelus shakes his head. He doesn't want to speak. Nobody can get him to open up.

If Caelus were to look up, they would be met with a hurt expression. They would be met with Dan Heng's shoulders tensing before dropping with defeat. They would be met with a Dan Heng who thinks he felt his heart break.

A Dan Heng who was no longer Dan Feng but was still losing those he cared about because of him.

A Dan Heng who says no more and walks to the statue of a past life.

Instead, Caelus watches as the new shoes walk away.

Instead, Caelus watches from a distance as Dan Heng - beautiful and powerful with his now long hair billowing behind him, his eyes glowing, and his posture confident - parts the water before him effortlessly.

Despite all efforts, despite his avoidance of meeting Dan Heng's gaze, despite remaining steadfast in his silence; Caelus thinks he still might cry.

Chapter Text

Dan Heng is not leaving the Astral Express to stay on the Luofu. 

Dan Heng's banishment has been lifted and is free to come and go as he pleases but Dan Heng still chose to return to the express.

This is perfect and exactly what Caelus expected because Caelus never loses and now Caelus doesn't have to ever acknowledge why the idea of Dan Heng being gone hit him so hard.

He doesn't have to acknowledge that his moments of silence were purposeful. 

Caelus is a quiet guy.

Except when he's asking questions.

Or when he's excited.

Or when he's confused.

Or when he's with March and Dan Heng.

Or... well never any other time because listing more examples is defeating his point entirely! 

They are quiet. So it's not unreasonable to brush off his silence as him dealing with an intense situation and not him being upset. 

There are absolutely no holes in his explanation!

His emotions cannot hurt him if he does not think about them.

It's been quite effective in solving his Kafka-y related issues too. Since they only ever see her on her terms when she needs their help for something and never to actually really truly talk.

It works out.

A part of Caelus had hoped that helping Kafka would give him more answers but their game of one lie and one truth only left him with more confusion.

Caelus has been Caelus for a while now and he's not sure he'll ever be completely comfortable with it but he's getting there.

In his head he knows he hasn't been this version of Caelus long, but he also knows he existed as something else for some time. 

If one of Kafka's answers is to be believed it's because she trained him. He isn't sure since anything before Kafka on Herta's Space Station is too hazy to recall but deep down they just know. 

Sometimes he dreams of talking with a soothing figure, of a hand patting his head. Flashes of moments that tell them they had been alive before waking up on the space station.

The large gap in his memories is frustrating nonetheless.

There's a lot of things that come to him instinctively - like fighting - that only come with hefty amounts of practice. When they had first met March and Dan Heng, they were able to keep up as they fought with ease despite the assumed years of experience they had on him.

There's a lot more things that don't come to him at all - like how to talk to your Vidyadhara friend who you've been avoiding because you were scared they'll leave you too, but now that you've taken care of the Phantylia problem you and the rest of the Astral Express are going to head to the next destination, and your friend isn't actually staying on the Luofu permanently leaving you (and your crew) forever, so you know you should probably talk to them about it because you don't want to keep avoiding your friend but you really don't know how to strike up conversation, even though every other conversation you've had with them in the past has been smooth and warm and comforting.

Caelus cut off their own mind's rambles, slamming his bat into another one of those mechanical fish things he couldn't remember the name of.

Fighting was so much easier to them than emotion-ing.

He knew this already but acceptance of this fact did nothing to help him solve his current and most important dilemma. 

Funny how the being that's supposed to take down an Aeon is defeated by the prospect of communicating. Maybe they'll prove Elio wrong and lose their supposedly destined fight with Nanook because the Aeon just tried talking to him.

Caelus snickered to themself.

That would be a bit funny.

They could picture it now; "Hello, Caelus. Would you like to talk about your feelings?" and Caelus would just keel over immediately. 

Battle over. 

As anti-climatic as Caelus could possibly make it out of spite against fate.

He huffs, dropping his arms to his side, bat loose in his grasp. He smashed his way through every hostile creature he could find. 

He was panting, sweaty, and tired. 

He was supposed to be saying goodbye to all the friends he made on the Xianzhou Luofu but saying goodbye meant getting back on the express. And getting back on the express meant seeing Dan Heng.

Caelus groaned. 

Damn.

Caelus didn't want to. 

Caelus went anyway.

They did their rounds throughout the Xianzhou Luofu before dragging their feet to the express. In front of the entrance stood March with her hands on her hips clearly waiting for Caelus so they could enter together. 

"You certainly took your time."

"Me and Diting went on one last heartfelt journey..." Caelus responded with a deadpan face. 

They completely ignored the other's obvious doubt.

"Uh-huh. If Himeko and Mr. Yang scolds us, it's on you." March responded, spinning around and entering. Caelus had no choice but to follow.

They did not get scolded. 

Ha.

Caelus stuck his tongue out at March. 

After discussing their next destination the group split up. Caelus glanced at the door leading to the express quarters debating going in, but quickly decided against it. Instead they plopped onto one of the couches and curled up in a ball right in the center. They'd go to the archives eventually, but right now was not the time. Neither would be a couple hours... or tomorrow... maybe in a week. He unconsciously glanced at the door again pouting.

"Caelus." 

His eyes snapped to the voice. He quickly made his face neutral once more.

"Yes, Himeko?" Caelus responded innocently.

She sighed and sat next to where his head was, gently placing her hand on his forehead.

"While you were..." she paused, giving him a knowing glance. "Saying your goodbyes. Me and Welt had a chat.

Caelus groaned, pulling away from the affectionate touch and sitting up. He sat properly, but his head faced away from Himeko so he wouldn't have to meet her gaze.

"Thanks for saving the scolding until after March went to her room."

"Look at me." Himeko's voice was gentle; the warm hand he pulled away from was now firm on his shoulder. 

"Caelus." She said their name sternly when they didn't turn. "I'm not going to scold you, I promise. But we do need to talk and if you're able I want you to look at me while we do." Even now, she was giving him the choice. He knew that if he didn't turn her tone would still be just as kind and just as understanding. 

But, because of that he turned and faced her. Caelus knew he was being difficult, facing her direction was the least he could do.

"You are not a child and it would be unfair for anyone on the express to treat you like one. But, I think we've forgotten that you only have memories and experiences starting from just a few months ago." Himeko picked up one of Caelus' hands with both of hers. "You can always ask if there is something you don't understand. There are plenty of adults who have way more years on you that still struggle and there is no shame in talking with others about things we don't understand." 

Caelus looked at their hands. 

"Even if it's something selfish?"

"Even the most selfless people in the world have their desires. You, and I, are no exception."

Caelus hesitates. His gaze never leaves their hands. The one not in Himeko's grasp clasps onto his own pants tightly. 

"On the Luofu, I met up with Kafka." Caelus blurted out, snapping his gaze to meet Himeko's. He expected her to look disappointed or angry or something, but her gaze was nothing of the sort. There was no malice, only understanding and encouragement. "She needed help with one of the other Stellaron Hunters and I just wanted answers, y'know? Realistically, I know I barely know her but…”

“But?” Himeko encouraged him. 

“On Herta’s space station, I remember the moment before she left. I remember thinking she was familiar, thinking she was safe .” The word ‘safe’ was whispered and desperate like Caelus had to force it out, his voice straining. “And when she left I was so scared. I didn’t want her to leave so badly but I was too tired and too weak that I couldn’t move to stop her.”

Caelus tightened his grip on his pants, digging his nails through the fabric. Himeko rubbed his other hand with soothing gestures.

“I couldn’t do anything, so when we found out about Dan Heng’s, you know, I thought-” Caelus cut himself off, he found it impossible to continue. A sob tore its way out of his throat. He hadn’t even realized he had started tearing up.

“Oh… Caelus.” Himeko pulled her hand away, and Caelus gasped, fumbling to grab it once more. She carefully waved their hand away only to pull them towards her, wrapping her arms around him. Caelus finally let go of his pant leg to clasp both arms around Himeko. He pressed his face on her shoulder. 

Himeko was warm.

It was nice.

“Caelus, I cannot guarantee that there’ll never be a day where any of us part. One day, perhaps, one of us will leave. There may be a time where we see each other only once a month or even a year. But, I can guarantee that none of us will ever leave you with no word. And, even if one of us is to be gone forever we will always have each other in our hearts - you will never be truly alone.” Himeko said. She brought one of her hands to cup his head, running her fingers through his hair. “This is something you must discuss with Dan Heng, but I’m sure he will tell you the same thing anyway so I’ll say this - Dan Heng cares very deeply about you and would not think you selfish for telling him you desire for him to stay.”

Caelus nodded, but did not lift their head from Himeko’s shoulder.They couldn’t do anything but believe her words. 

Dan Heng has always been understanding. Even when Caelus had been doing foolish things, Dan Heng would watch fondly from the side, occasionally gently chastising him.

On Jarlo-VI, he and Dan Heng spent a lot of time alone together. March is a big extrovert, but both Caelus and Dan Heng need some time to recharge their social batteries so every now and then March would go out exploring on her lonesome while they stayed behind at wherever they were staying, enjoying nothing more than each other’s presence. Most of the time they read in their own corners of a room solemn a comment now and then, other times conversation would flow easily as they sat side by side. Caelus cherished all of their time together, and he liked to think Dan Heng did as well.

Deep down, they knew Dan Heng would probably listen to whatever he had to say. They knew that even if Dan Heng didn’t fully agree with Caelus, he would listen and he would do his best to figure out a way to settle the matter where both of them were satisfied. And Caelus knew that they had been acting so foolishly, especially now that he knew for sure Dan Heng wouldn’t be leaving.

Caelus sighed. He finally pulled his head off Himko’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Himeko.”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“I’m gonna go talk to Dan Heng, I think.”

Himeko smiled and nodded.

Caelus returned it, and got up from the couch to make his way to the archives. When he made it in front of the door, he shook out his limbs. He rubbed at his face, trying to wipe away evidence of his tears.Then, he nodded to himself bouncing on the heels of his feet. 

Okay.

He could do this.

Caelus knocked on the door.

The responding ‘come in’ was immediate. 

“Caelus?’

Dan Heng looked surprised to see him.

Caelus shuffled into the room, almost shy. He gently closed the door behind him. 

“Hey.”

“Hey, what do you need?

Caelus bit his lip and looked down at his shoes. What to say? What to say? Caelus certainly didn’t know. 

“Um. I-” Now would probably be the time to apologize, right? He couldn’t just leap into it like he did with Himeko. That’d be rude to Dan Heng who had dealt with Caelus’ silence for way too long. “I’m so sorry, Dan Heng.”

Dan Heng blinked. Then blinked again.

“You are… sorry?” He sounded genuinely confused, as if he couldn’t fathom why Caelus had any need to be sorry.

“Yes. So very sorry. I should have just said something instead of keeping silent.”

“But, your silence was understandable. I kept something from you, from all of you. It is understandable to be upset. I do not blame you- honestly I am surprised with how lightly everyone has been taking this, considering.”

“That’s not true.”

“Huh?”

“It’s not understandable! It was totally shitty! You were punished for something you never did, banished for something you never did, and judged for something you never did - and I ignored the fact that you were hurting because I was scared.”

“Scared? Not angry?”

“No, not angry.”

In the midst of their conversation, Caelus looked up from his shoes to meet Dan Heng’s gaze. They stared at each other for sometime. 

Dan Heng took Caelus’ hand and pulled him closer so they were almost standing toe to toe. 

“If it’s okay to ask, why were you scared?” His voice was soft and quiet.

Caelus stared at the other. They aren’t sure they ever noticed how pretty Dan Heng’s eyes were before. When he was in his Vidyadhara form it was probably more obvious, but in this form their beauty was just as true. The green like gemstones staring back at him.

“I was scared you’d end up leaving me-” Caelus said but was quick to add “and the express.”

“There’s always a part of me that will see the Xianzhou Luofu fondly and there will always be a part of me that misses it. But the Luofu was Dan Feng’s home more than it was ever mine. Most of the memories there that are actually mine are just from my imprisonment. I will probably visit in the future, now that my banishment has been lifted. I’d like to get to know the next High Elder, and perhaps one day have a friendship with Jing Yuan once more but at the end of the day the Luofu is not my home. The Astral Express is. By your side, is.”

Caelus let out a breath, not having realized he had been holding it during Dan Heng’s small speech. He realized something. He knew he trusted everyone on the express. He knew he felt safe with everyone on the express. But with Dan Heng it was different. It was a safe just as powerful as the safe he felt with Kafka but it was different. It was a safety that Caelus could not quite explain. A safety that made him want to remain in Dan Heng’s hold for as long as possible. 

“Dan Heng-” Caelus was cut off.

Dan Heng placed a hand on Caelus’ cheek.

“Caelus, may I kiss you?”

Caelus’ eyes widened. His face felt heated, instead of red, his cheek lit up with soft golds. He shakily placed his hands on Dan Heng’s shoulders and nodded. With no hesitation, Dan Heng leaned in and Caelus met him half way. Dan Heng’s lips were cold, but soft. The hand not resting on his cheek, was placed on his back. Dan Heng pulled him in closer, their bodies just barely pressing against one another’s. Caelus was certain their bodies’ were just shy of becoming one.

The world fell away. The buzz of the archive’s technology faded into the background only replaced by soft pants and the sound of lips brushing against each other. Caelus struggled to focus on anything except Dan Heng - his touch, his taste, his smell, nothing else mattered. They kissed, until there was no longer air in their lungs forcing them to finally pull away. Time was just as meaningless, the kiss could have lasted seconds or hours - Caelus had no idea.

Both of them were panting, breathless. 

The two did not fully leave each other's hold, instead Dan Heng pulled Caelus in for a proper hug. He then brought his lips close to Caelus’ ear.

“We should speak more later, but for now, you must know if you want me by your side, starlight, I will happily stay there for as long as you want me there.”