Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Amy knew that it was rude to watch someone sleep, especially considering it was long before Jake’s alarm would go off. Then again, she was skeptical he even had an alarm clock. Before the lights had gone out, she had noted the lack of a strong waking regiment, but she would fix that in time. Right now, she was enjoying these first few moments of clarity, the fact that she didn’t have to panic about lying next to Jake like this.

It wasn’t like last time was a mistake. Despite Jake’s sex tape joke, they both knew that. That was how they got to this point. But things were undefined yesterday, and as much as they wanted to keep things light and breezy, they were long past that point.

That was why Amy reverted to her cautious ways after Terry yelled at them, but that didn’t give her the peace she wanted. In fact, she was almost relieved to find a middle ground that could lead to a sustainable relationship with Jake. Of course, that didn’t stop her from hesitating from knocking on his door. Fortunately, Jake opening the door for her allowed Amy to bring her guard down and be honest with him. When he had said definitely, that made every struggle worth it, even with Charles interrupting their moment. Granted, Amy wasn’t too surprised by Jake’s easy admission, as it took most of her resolve to walk away from him when she told him that they should be just colleagues.

Who was she kidding, really? She had only caught a glimpse of the puppy dog stare he had given her, but it was enough. Amy knew that look well enough to know it meant that Jake was putting her feelings first, no matter how much it hurt him. Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately, Amy couldn’t take her mind off her day once she got home and that was mostly because Jake was linked to every notable event. Not to mention that her Chinese take-out brought back memories of her winning the most recent Jimmy Jab games and the only television shows she could find were cop shows with characters in similar situations. Then there was the fact that every time Amy had closed her eyes, all she could see was one of Jake’s many expressions that she had fallen for.

Now, she had another one to add to the list, as there was enough street light coming in from the window to make out a few of his features. Amy had tried to fall asleep after Round 2, as Jake put it, but now, nothing would beat the sight in front of her. He was really cute when he was sleeping. His dark hair was already in full bed-head mode, his eyes relaxed, while his mouth seemed to have a smirk to it.

And why not? It was a good day, or at least, she liked to think so.

"Ames,” Jake said, startling her since his eyes were still closed. “You're allowed to sleep at two in the morning."

Turning her head, she tried to figure out how Jake knew what time it was, but soon realized that he was just guessing. "Sorry,” Amy replied, biting the inside of her lip. “I didn't mean to wake you."

His eyelids squeezed together a few times before he opened his eyes. "It's okay. I know you were just admiring how good I look naked. This is my good side after all."

He smiled when he heard her laugh, but his reflexes weren’t good enough to stop her hand from slapping his arm. Somehow she had managed to hit the same place as Charles had earlier. Rubbing it, he said, “That was unnecessary.” When he noticed her only reaction was her eyebrows raising, Jake sighed. “Fine, you look good too.”

Amy laughed again, and she noticed how Jake had tensed. “Relax, I’m not going to do that again. I’m just… I’m enjoying this."  

"Agreed.” Jake had watched enough television shows and movies to learn that apparently secret sex was better than relationship sex. Another classic example of pop culture misleading him, but he didn’t mind this time because he was happy that wasn’t the case. “In fact, I think we should edit that sex tape title to ‘Definitely not a mistake.’”

“I wasn't talking about that, although I agree about the title change.” Lifting her hand again, Amy played with the tips of his hair as a grin formed on her face. "I'm different around you. I'm... me around you. And I like that."

"Me too.” Taking his hand in hers, Jake brought it back down to the mattress, matching her expression once their fingers interlocked. That grew to a smirk as he leaned closer to her. “The Amy that voluntarily breaks rules is awesome."

“Yeah?”

“Totally.”

“Well,” Amy said, her tongue moving along her bottom lip. “Consequences aside, the brown-nosing side to Jake Peralta is kind of hot.”

Jake shrugged. “I learned from the best.”

She couldn't argue with that, but there was one thing Amy had to ensure was clear moving forward. "For the record, I don’t think we can break that last rule again."

"I think we’re past the point of not telling other people."

She shook her head. "I mean what caused us to tell everyone."

"Again, that was your idea," Jake said, pointing his finger towards her.

"And it wasn't my brightest."  He had even given her an out, but she was feeling too confident to consider it. Not that she regretted it entirely, but there still had to be some line between their personal and professional lives. "Terry’s right, we have to be professional."

"That's fair,” he said with a nod. “Plus, I doubt we could top what happened last time."

Narrowing her eyes, Amy felt her head jerk back slightly. "That's not something to be proud of." While they weren’t technically to blame, that didn’t mean she was about to forget that their make-out session at work had led to their captain having a heart attack.

However, the way Jake saw it, this was a story they would laugh about in a few years, which was why he merely shrugged again. "Different strokes."  His finger shot up as he recognized his word choice. “Pun unintended.”

“I figured,” Amy said.

After that, silence settled in for a few minutes, as they stared at each other, likely still in disbelief in the changes that had happened over the last couple of days. Eventually, Amy broke eye contact, as she could see the door out of the corner of her eye, and that reminded her of how she had stopped Jake from leaving his apartment earlier.

“Hey, where were you going when I got here?”

That moment almost felt like a lifetime ago now, but it was an easy answer for Jake. “Your place, actually.”

“Oh,” Amy said, her eyes meeting his once more. That made sense, especially considering his reaction upon seeing her at the door. "With or without Charles in tow?"

"Preferably without, but knowing him, he'd follow me to make sure I got there." As Jake stared at the mattress, he thought about what he would have done if Amy hadn’t shown up here. Honestly, he likely would have appreciated the back-up, especially considering Charles was their biggest cheerleader. "Wouldn't have been the first time I chickened out."

Amy pursed her lips, as a few memories made a lot more sense now. "No it wouldn't."

"Give me some credit though,” Jake said as he lifted his head from his pillow. “I was trying to respect your rule."

"It wasn't a rule.” Rolling on her back, Amy smirked as she looked up at the ceiling. “If anything, it was a defense mechanism to keep myself from making the same mistakes." Or it was to protect her from the idea that Jake had moved on, while she still had feelings for him. Either way, it wasn’t her strongest, or even an actual rule.  "Honestly, you were an exception even when I made it."

“You were definitely an exception for my rule.”

She rolled her eyes before turning her body towards him again. “Jake, you didn’t have a rule. Not really.”

“Aw, you got me.” Jake lazily put his hand up in surrender, but soon after, he moved it so that it wrapped around her back, pulling her closer. "But seriously, we have enough to deal with in the morning. You think you can sleep for a few minutes until then?"

She nodded as she slid her hand around his waist. "I think I can manage that."

"Good," Jake said, waiting for her to close her eyes first because he knew there was no way he could sleep another wink with her looking at him like before. While he understood her reasoning, the way he saw it, the morning gave him something to look forward to because she would still be here.

When her eyes did finally shut, he kissed her forehead before following suit. His arms unconsciously pulled her closer, and when she hummed in response, Jake couldn’t help but say one last thing.  "Hey Ames?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you changed your mind."

Amy smiled again, hoping that he could see it. "Me too."

Chapter Text

Lately, Jake found that there was something calming about watching Amy Santiago relax, especially when he knew that he was responsible for it. But tonight was another matter, as her eyes remained open, her back against the mattress as the seconds in the newly minted morning ticked away.

It had been a strange day, as Captain Vulture was the nightmare they had imagined, not to mention the events that followed at Dozerman’s funeral. But the ending was promising. He was still a detective, they were still together, so Jake wanted to celebrate. She agreed, especially considering Holt was the person who helped them.

The last few hours, things had seemed fine. They joked over pizza, cuddled while watching Law & Order re-reruns, and enjoyed a few rounds of their regularly scheduled nightly activities. But when things quieted down, Amy’s mind starting working up a storm again, and despite his best attempts to ignore it, Jake saw little point in staying silent.

After a sigh, he wrapped his arm around her waist, knowing it would catch her off-guard. Eventually, she grinned before turning her head towards him. “Didn't think you were still up."

He scoffed. "You're thinking loud enough to wake my neighbour.” When he noticed her head move backwards on the pillow, Jake knew he had to approach this carefully. “Should I be worried?"

"No," she replied, hoping he would see that she meant it. His face indicated otherwise. "Maybe. I don’t know. I just... I wish I could be like you sometimes."

As much as Jake liked himself, that was a scary thought. "I'm not sure the precinct can survive two of me."

"I mean, about this." Amy gestured between them, her hand pausing when it collided with his chest. "You have so much faith in us."

That was true, but Jake also recognized that Amy's dedication to other people's happiness was just as strong as her dedication to her career.  "You wanted the best for me, I don't blame you for that."

For her, it wasn't that simple. "Your response to my doubts were to make a weird speech at our dead boss’ wake."  While it was awkward, it got Amy thinking as she sat at that table alone. "Before that, your plan was to wing it, to do whatever it took to make things work."

"Winging it works for me, it doesn't for you and that's okay. This wouldn't work if we worked the same way."  Bringing his arm back to his side, he swallowed hard, knowing what he had to ask. "Besides, you do believe in us... right?"

"Of course." It wasn't like she didn't have a chance to use the outs. Between the question of whether they were dating or not, or to keep up with her decision to end things after the Sarge showed his disapproval, there were chances to keep this platonic. She chose otherwise. "But I'm not used to having someone fight for me after six days. Not to mention the demotion and the—"

"Amy,” Jake interjected, grabbing her hands in his. “I meant what I said at Shaw’s.”

She looked down at her hands, wanting to smile, wanting to accept this, but her head wouldn't let her. “I know you did, that’s the problem. Jake, I don’t think I would have made the same decision.”

“So what?” Noticing how her eyes had narrowed, he continued, “You want to make captain someday and I would never want to be in the way of that.” After a laugh, Jake sat up. “Look, you know I didn’t like the decision the Vulture was forcing me to make, but I told you because if I had to make a choice, you mean more to me.”

He could have kept his decision from her, maybe break things off upon realizing that her argument from before had some merit. But that never crossed his mind and it was never an option for him. “I’m pretty confident I could find a way to get my detective badge back, but I don’t know if I could salvaged us if I chose work over you."

After pursing her lips, Amy was grateful that his eyes focused ahead of him. Underneath all of his immaturity, Jake really was a great person. They got along great, but the beginning of their relationship had been shaky at best, and while she didn’t want to lose him either, she didn’t want to lose everything else in the process.

But he didn’t care. That wasn’t new, but now Amy, to quote him, totally totally got it. What if’s did no good now, the point was that they were here, and when push came to shove, Jake wanted to be with her.

Sitting up, Amy shuffled over to lean against him. She placed her arm on his shoulder and let herself smile once his hand met hers. “That was beautiful.”

Jake glanced down to see that she was looking right at him. “No syntax errors?” While he could take another compliment sandwich like he did with Captain Holt, Jake wanted to be sure she wasn’t just saying that.

"Your honesty matters more. I envy it in a way.” Her honesty usually ended being more awkward than endearing. “I mean, I'm not great at lying in general, but I don't want to lie to you. That doesn’t stop me from being worried about saying the wrong thing sometimes." 

“Is that what you’re so afraid of?”

That was the million dollar question. Honestly, she couldn't seem to narrow down the exact problem that kept her from relaxing in this relationship. When Jake told her about the ultimatum, he framed it like a case to solve, so she figured they had this in the bag. When that looked less likely, it forced her rational mind to take over and consider the consequences.

“I’ve almost called quits on this twice in a week," she said. A fact they both knew, but one that he was too quick to gloss over. “Yeah, I changed my mind once, circumstances changed the other time, but…”

She had no idea how to finish that sentence. Each effort in her mind made it sound like she wanted to walk away again, but that wasn't true. Eventually, she buried her face in her hands. “Ugh, I’m so sorry.”

It was supposed to be easier than this. With him, she wasn't supposed to let her talk herself out of something good. Apparently, she just found new ways to psych herself out.

However, what she didn't realize was that Jake wasn't fazed in the slightest. “Ames, look at me.” Taking her hands from her face, he leaned down to meet her eyes. “I'd rather have this conversation than see you take off again without letting me have a say. So say it. Say every ugly word."

Normally, she'd want some time and a piece of paper in a situation like this. That was supposed to be the plan at work tomorrow, but he had caught her in the brainstorming stages, her unfiltered words. But then again, that was what he wanted.

“You mean something to me, Jake, that was why I left Shaw’s. I realized just how much this past week has meant to me… and I wouldn’t go back and change anything." Well, not anything, as their ill-advised make-out session at work was not exactly a great idea, but the majority of it was... well, it was great. "But I can’t ignore how I was always the one who doubted things. You deserve better.”

She watched him with worry, wondering what his reaction would be. Laughter wasn't one of the options she had considered.

“That’s it?” he asked once he had stopped. He had waited, thinking there was more on her mind, but once her mouth closed, he couldn't help it. Amy’s startled expression remained, so he grinned, because the only part of her admission that mattered was that he meant something to her. “Okay, this is different for us, so there are going to be bumps, but again, it’s because of our differences that I think we can get through them. But did you honestly never consider that I had doubts?”

Amy shook her head. The only backpedaling she had seen from him was probably because he knew that she wasn't ready... or she had already blocked any progression in this area.

“That was a rhetorical question,” he blurted, biting his tongue because her answer wasn’t encouraging.  “The evidence room after Holt and Gina left. I came there because the only person I wanted to talk to was you." It took him a second to recognize that he was repeating her word choice from that first night, so he chuckled at that.

But it was also the truth. At the time, he felt numb, so he had looked around and was disappointed when he saw that Amy wasn't there. She was great at distracting him, and if nothing else, there was a chance that he could have helped her to get through it. "But when I saw you… all I could think about what had happened between us.” He scoffed. “Boyle would have been thrilled.”

Seeing her crack a smile helped him continue, “When I followed you back to the elevator, I thought I made things difficult again. It wasn’t enough that I had shitty timing with telling you how I felt, I had to follow that up with kissing you during a shitty work situation.” 

Rubbing the back of his neck, he remembered how he thought the interruption was the best thing to happen to them. They could have pretended it never happened, but standing next to Amy at the elevator made him realize that things weren’t as strained as he thought. Nor were they one-sided.

“But you kissed me back and I realized we make our own timing,” he said. “From there, doubts only ensured that we stayed in our own way. They don’t affect how I feel about you.”

This wasn't news to Amy. It wasn't even new in the last few minutes, as it felt like they were talking in circles. But hearing things like this seemed to mean more than a speech in a bar because he wasn't trying to prove a point. All his bells and whistles were gone, leaving just Jake's unfiltered honesty.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she noticed how restless his hands were.

That felt like nothing compared the nerves that he felt inside. Apparently, once he started being honest with her, he couldn't stop. “For what?”

There could have been a hundred answers for that, but the last thing this conversation needed was one of her misguided rants. “I don’t know, it felt like the only thing I could say after that.”  Bringing her head up, she shrugged as she noticed the way his eyes followed her. “I guess… for knowing what to say in moments like this.”

That was promising. “So you’re happy? Here… with me?”

“Yeah,” she replied. "I mean, Holt got the Vulture to back off. Everyone in the precinct already knows. There aren't many imminent external obstacles left and I’m starting to believe we can handle the internal ones."  One day at a time was key, and she was starting to learn that this would get easier in time. But that didn't stop her from smiling as she realized something. "I mean, my family is probably going to tear you apart, but I'm oddly looking forward to that."

Wrapping his arm around her back, Jake pulled her down on the mattress with him, amused by how she laughed en route. "See? You are more sure of this than you thought.”

Amy gritted her teeth as she lifted her body to admire to the light in his eyes. Unfortunately, that was one error that she couldn’t ignore. “I am sure, not more sure. If you’re sure about something, there is no need for a –”

“Whatever.”  Jake couldn’t help but smile wider at seeing her relax. “You're still picturing me meeting your family after six days." That was certainly a record for him.

It was also a slip on her part. Her gaped mouth showed her disbelief, but it wasn’t long before Amy found her words. "I was planning to have them visit the precinct, which is most of the reason. Besides, I..."  Closing her eyes, Amy realized something. "You know, I don't know why I didn't just agree with you."

He shrugged. "It's one in morning?"

Looking over her shoulder, Amy took note of the time on the clock across the room. It didn’t excuse all of her thoughts, but if he was willing to give her an out, she would be a fool not to take it. "Sure, let's go with that."

Jake shook his head, knowing that even in moments like this, he still liked her. It was a crazy quirk, seeing how much she worked against herself, but it was only a battle because this was real.

What mattered more though, was that she was still here, and she was starting to believe in this relationship. Lifting his hand, he cradled her face in his palm, pushing himself from the mattress to kiss her. That was one of the benefits too, feeling her kiss him back, wrap her hands around her head as it hit the pillow once more.

Their lips parted, small smiles showing on both of their faces, and Amy wondered again how she thought she could ever walk away. Moving her body down slightly, she rested her hand on his chest, her body warming to his touch against her back.

Meanwhile, he watched as she closed her eyes. This was a good place to leave it, and she was even close to sleeping, but Jake knew there was something else he had to say. "Amy?"   When she hummed her response, he swallowed hard. "If things change, all you have to do is tell me.”

Her eyes popped open, but he lifted his hand, as he didn’t mean it like that. “I'll be super bummed if you want to end things, because you're pretty great. In fact, I'll probably try to change your mind, but if it's what you really want, I'll understand."

Moving her hand slightly, Amy paused as she felt his heartbeat. "I like where I am," she said, feeling a bit of déjà vu as her eyes lit up. "But thanks for thinking I'm great."

Jake grinned, amused over how much had changed since that day at Major Crimes. This time, he didn’t regret a single word.

~End~