Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

~oOo~

I forgive you.

Aziraphale watched as Crowley walked out the door. He'd seen the demon walk out of the bookshop a million times, always knowing that he'd walk right back in the same door tomorrow.

This time, the door closed with a stifling sense of irrevocability.

This time, Crowley wasn't just walking out of his bookshop.

This time, Crowley was walking out of his life. 

His whole body trembled, his hand quivering uncontrollably as he brought it up to his tingling lips, lips that had been pressed against Crowley's only moments ago. He could still feel the demon's warmth, the harsh pull of Crowley's shaking hands fisted in the lapels of his coat. 

It had been forceful, an action clearly born from desperation, but still so gentle in a way that only Crowley had ever been with him. 

He had wanted to melt into it, to grasp the demon in return and hold on tight until their words of anger were forgotten, until Crowley agreed to stay by his side as Aziraphale needed him to.

But he knew Crowley wouldn't, he didn't understand what he was trying to do, what he was trying to do for them both. 

All Aziraphale allowed himself was a single moment, one single moment to rest his hands on Crowley's back, one single moment of indulgence before his sense of responsibility forced them apart again. 

He would never forget the look on Crowley's face when he said it. The little breath of air that left the demon's lungs.

It had looked like acceptance, sounded like disappointment, tasted like finality. 

I forgive you.

Foolish. Stupid. Cruel.

Those hadn't been the words sitting at the tip of his tongue. Far from it.

But it didn't matter. Those had been the words he spoke, and he couldn't take them back now. 

He had gathered himself quickly when the Metatron came in, had put on a smile that was worth being called angelic. He hadn't had to use that smile in years, not since communication with Heaven had been cut off.

With Crowley, he had never needed that smile.

With Crowley, his smiles had been real. 

It felt even more forced now than it did before his exile.

"How did he take it?", the Metatron asked, and Aziraphale felt a laugh claw its way out of his throat that sounded fake even to his own ears.

"Eh...not well."

Not well indeed.

"Ah, well, always did want to go his own way. Always asking damn fool questions, too."

And no, Aziraphale thought. He wanted to go our way, with me. He asked just the right questions, but no one wanted to hear them.

"Right, ready to start?"

The Metatron looked at him expectantly, and Aziraphale found himself hesitating, found himself wanting to stall, as if there was a chance Crowley might come back if he just delayed and waited long enough.

"Anything you need to take with you?"

Not anything. That wasn't the right question. 

This wasn't about something, it was about someone. But he wasn't coming.

"No", Aziraphale said, the truth of that word sinking in and settling heavily in his chest. "Nothing I can think of."

And perhaps this wasn't right after all, it certainly didn't feel right, not anymore, not like this, not at this price, but...

Aziraphale looked out the window, at the world he was leaving behind. He looked around his bookshop, the home he was giving up. He looked at the empty space that Crowley should have filled with his presence, and-

"I-I think I..." 

I think I can't do this, he wanted to say. 

I think I can't accept your offer after all, he wanted to say.

I think I've made a mistake, he wanted to say. 

But the Metatron was waiting at the door, waiting at the door for him, like he was needed, like he was important.

He had agreed to this. He had duties now. He had responsibilities.

Aziraphale forced himself to smile.

"Nothing at all."

~oOo~

I forgive you.

The words burned like acid in Crowley's ears.

Of all the things he had imagined Aziraphale to say- not that. Never that.

He hadn't even moved when Crowley kissed him. Just for a second, he thought he could feel the angel's warm hands stroking gently down his back, but then they were gone, Aziraphale rigid and tense where Crowley was pressing into him.

It shouldn't have been like this. After millennia of dreaming of this moment, it shouldn't have been like this.

This was forceful and desperate and a means to an end. A last hysterical attempt to make the angel understand, to change his mind and stay. A violent cry for help when he realised this might be the last chance he'd ever get to kiss Aziraphale, even if it wasn't what he'd wanted.

In his dreams, it had been slow and gentle and romantic. In his dreams, Aziraphale had smiled at him when their lips parted.

Now, all he could see on the angel's face was shock, horror and disgust.

Aziraphale's breathing was harsh, his shoulders heaving, his hands trembling.

I forgive you, he said then, shattering Crowley's world around him.

Words that should be a kindness, turned into missiles that drove through Crowley's chest and left his heart in tattered pieces. 

A gesture that should be one of love, turned into an infringement that needed to beg forgiveness.  

He was far beyond forgiveness anyway, and they both knew it.

We can be together, Aziraphale had said. As angels.

Didn't he know Crowley at all? Didn't he know that Crowley had absolutely no interest in going back to that? It had taken him quite some time to be comfortable in his own skin after the Fall, but he had learned to be content with who he was. And Aziraphale...Aziraphale was the only one who had never made him feel like he was somewhat lesser for being a demon. Sure, the angel could play into his holier-than-thou attitude from time to time, especially in the beginning, but it had never felt malicious. Crowley had always felt...accepted, appreciated even.

But apparently, that had all been a lie. Aziraphale didn't want him. At least not like this.

He should have known that this wasn't good enough. That he wasn't good enough.

We can be angels again. The joy in Aziraphale's eyes had been like a slap to Crowley's face. He would never go back to that. He would've followed the angel anywhere, anywhere he wanted to go. Anywhere but there. 

How could Aziraphale have been so stupid to fall for Heaven's agenda again? He'd thought they were finally beyond that, that Aziraphale had finally understood that Heaven wasn't how it liked to present itself - surely, the Armageddon-That-Wasn't had made that abundantly clear.

How could he go back to that place, where they had never understood him, never appreciated him, never even respected him? How could he choose those people, angels that had treated him like he wasn't worth the dirt under their shoes, had threatened his life and actively tried to destroy him - how could that mean more to him than Crowley did? 

Nothing lasts forever, Aziraphale had said.

Right. Nothing. Not the bookshop, not Earth, not them. 

Perhaps he'd been nothing but a fool. 

Perhaps it had all been nothing but absurd, senseless dreaming that an angel would ever choose someone like him. 

Perhaps he'd just spent the last six thousand years living and dying for stolen moments on begged and borrowed time. 

Nothing else. 

~oOo~

He had barely been able to look at Crowley, standing across the street by his car.

He had stood there like he was waiting for something, and Aziraphale couldn't look at that too closely, couldn't think about that too closely, not if he wanted to bring himself to actually set foot in that elevator.

It felt pointless now, when it wasn't with Crowley, wasn't for Crowley.

He had thought that if he could lead Heaven, all threats of someone coming after them would finally be erased. They could have been safe and happy. Crowley could have been safe and happy. He could have made sure that Crowley would be safe and happy.

And perhaps, just perhaps he'd have the means to right some of his past wrongdoings. Perhaps he could make up for past mistakes, really change something for the better, make a real difference.

Perhaps he could create a world where he and Crowley could be happy together. It was their best chance, wasn't it? Why didn't Crowley see that?

They had tried to just live their lives here, on Earth. They had tried and failed. They would never be safe here, not while they were exiles, not while Heaven and Hell could go back on their promises to leave them alone, not while demons could find their way over the threshold of his bookshop and archangels could drop by whenever they pleased. They could never be free here, never have peace, never let their guard down and just be.

And Crowley...Crowley had always been the one who did the work. Crowley had always been the one who rescued him, who got him out of trouble, who took steps to keep their friendship blossoming, who sought out Aziraphale's company, who treated him to dinner and indulged the silly little things he took joy in and tolerated his shortcomings again and again and again.

Just this once, Aziraphale had thought he could be the one to do something for Crowley.

Just this once, he had wanted to show him that he was willing to put in the work as well, to make an effort to make Crowley happy, to show that he was willing to give up the comfort of his bookshop and the pleasure of food and drink and life on Earth, that he was willing to sacrifice everything to make sure he and Crowley could be together.

Nothing lasts forever, he had told him.

I don't need any of this, he had meant, I don't need this shop that I've made home, I don't need fancy little sushi restaurants where they know me, I don't need cocoa in the evening over a good book, I don't need movies and music and all the beautiful human things I've found pleasure in - all I need is to be with you.

He'd wanted to finally give Crowley everything he deserved.

He'd wanted them to be together, to be allowed to be together.

You can lead Heaven, the Metatron had said.

You'll be appreciated, Aziraphale had heard, you'll have the power to shape your future, the future of the Earth you both love so much.

You'll be safe, he had promised. Your demon will be safe too. He can even be with you. He can be with you just as you are now, just as you are meant to be. No one will scoff at it, no one will try to tear you apart again.

And after all this time, after everything they'd gone through - who could blame Aziraphale for wanting to believe him? Who could blame him for wanting to believe, when angels had been created to believe in the first place? Who could blame him for wanting to trust, to restore the faith he had slowly lost yet desperately clung to for millions of years?

And Crowley had always been...good. No matter how hard the demon tried to deny it, Aziraphale knew no other being so good and kind and full of empathy and love. He had saved Job's children, his goats. He had tried to save animals from drowning in the flood. He had constantly defied both Hell's and Heaven's orders, without a single care if it put him in danger, just because he knew in his heart that it was the right thing to do.

As an angel, he could have followed his aching desire to do good without restraint, without having to defy his own nature. He could have blossomed to his full potential, could have found the youthful spirit and unadulterated joy again that Aziraphale had witnessed in him the first time they met, back before the Earth existed, when there were no humans and no demons and Crowley had created the most extraordinary stars and marvelled shamelessly at their beauty.

This was what Aziraphale had wanted to offer him.

This was what he'd hoped could wait for them if he accepted the Metatron's offer.

Life in Heaven, yes, but at least a life together, safe and joyful, without restraint.

But Crowley hadn't understood.

Instead, Crowley had kissed him like it was the last time he'd ever get the chance.

Because it was.

And all Aziraphale had to say was I forgive you.

I'm very good at forgiveness. It's one of my favourite things, he'd told Maggie.

Now, the word crumbled to ashes in his mouth.

Chapter Text

The Bentley's door closed behind him with a dull sound, and for the first time, it didn't feel comforting to sit in his beloved car.

He wasn't driving to the bookshop to see Aziraphale. He wasn't picking Aziraphale up to go to dinner. Aziraphale would never sit in the passenger seat again.

He started the car, let the familiar rumbling of the engine fill his ears and reverberate through his body. It didn't drown out his raging mind, it didn't soothe his aching heart.

I used to think one day, we'd tell the story of us, the Bentley suddenly started playing.
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
And people would say 'they're the lucky ones'

What the fuck? Was that- No, surely not. It couldn't be.

Oh, a simple complication, miscommunications lead to fallout, the car went on.
So many things that I wish you knew,
so many walls up, I can't break through

Fuck. It sure was. For the first time in decades, the Bentley played anything other than Queen. And it was fucking Taylor Swift of all things.

"Yeah, you thought." Crowley smashed the off button on the radio, but the music didn't stop.

I'm starting to think one day, I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should've held me

Okay. Fuck. That had torn uncomfortably at something in Crowley's chest that he didn't want to think too closely about. 

"What the-?" 

He tried the button again. Nothing.

Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
why are we pretending this is nothing
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud

The silence after the kiss. The silence that screamed goodbye. 

The silence that meant no nightingales. 

This is looking like a contest
of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side

My side. Our side. Had there ever been 'our side'? Or had that been a lie he told himself?

The battle's in your hands now,
but I would lay my armour down
If you said you'd rather love than fight

Aaaaand that was quite enough of that. This had to be a joke. He tried skipping to the next song. 

More Taylor. And worse. At least the first one had some decent electric guitars. 

You say 'I don't understand'
and I say 'I know you don't'
We thought a cure would come through in time,
now I fear it won't

"You've gotta be kidding me."

He tried again. Same thing.

"Are you fucking serious right now?" He stared accusingly at the steering wheel, but the Bentley just kept driving, music playing undisturbed from her speakers.

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, flashbacks waking me up
Get drunk but it's not enough, cause the morning comes and you're not my baby
I look through the windows of this love,
even though we boarded them up
Chandelier's still flickering here,
cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

Were these actual songs? The Bentley hadn't suddenly developed the ability to change lyrics according to Crowley's emotions, had she?

Because he could remember so clearly how the chandelier had looked in the bookshop, that night Aziraphale held his Austen ball. Crowley had thought it a tad ridiculous, huge shimmering monstrosity of a lamp, but it made his angel smile, so it was just what should be hanging there.

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand
Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

Aziraphale had danced with him that night. Had just taken his hand and pulled him onto the dance floor. It had been so warm, Aziraphale's hand in his. It had felt like it belonged there.

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust
Trying to find a part of me you didn't take up

All those nights spent in the back of the bookshop, drinking and just being together.

Gave you too much, but it wasn't enough-

The Bentley swivelled on the road as Crowley yanked on the steering wheel. Another car honked at him as they slipped on the wet road, hurling them into the oncoming traffic for a second before the car decided to take matters into her own wheels and took over. Crowley panted heavily as the Bentley settled back in her lane, following the road without needing instructions. 

Gave you too much, but it wasn't enough. 

He gave up pretending that he wasn't listening, wasn't finding his emotions mirrored in the music. Perhaps the Bentley knew he needed this. It hurt, but he welcomed the pain. As long as there was pain, this looming sense of emptiness couldn't spread in his body. Not yet. 

Tears were stinging in his eyes, blurring his vision, and he let them. 

He didn't need to watch the road anyway.

~oOo~

He'd thought this would feel different.

The elevator doors closed in front of him, the familiar ding of the H button ringing in Aziraphale's ears. It had hurt, back then, thinking he'd never make his way up to Headquarters again.

Now, the once comforting brightness of holy light stung in Aziraphale's eyes.

The movement of the elevator going upwards made his stomach drop.

He thought back to the wide open halls of Heaven that awaited him, feeling so clean, pure and welcoming once. Now the picture just seemed sterile and dead opposed to his comfortable shop, crammed with shelves of books, each one precious to him, each one a piece of his own story.

There was the armchair Crowley always used to sit in. The valuable bottles of wine he'd collected specifically for him and Crowley to share. There was a curtain he never closed because he knew Crowley liked to sprawl out in the spot of sunlight falling in through the window. There was a potted plant on the windowsill, a plant Crowley had given him, a plant that had started to bloom last year even though Crowley insisted the species wasn't supposed to.

His bookshop was filled with things he loved and cherished, but above all, it was filled with memories. And all the happiest ones were linked to Crowley.

The elevator rattled around him, and Aziraphale felt sick.

What was he even doing here? This wasn't where he belonged, this wasn't his home anymore, this was-

Had he just been manipulated? They'd told him everything he had always wanted to hear, showered him with praise and patted him on the back, telling him he'd done well, that no one else could be a better choice. He had craved this for so long, the recognition, the acceptance, the appreciation.

He had been looking for approval so fiercely, had been craving it so desperately for six thousand years now. The Metatron had offered it all on a silver platter, and Aziraphale had been too weak of an angel not to reach for it as it presented itself.

All his existence, his entire person had been built around the desire to be good. To be kind, to be righteous, to be right. His self-esteem had been depending almost entirely on the acknowledgement he got, little as it was.

But Crowley...Crowley had always given him all of that and more, hadn't he?

Crowley had always been there, had encouraged him, supported him, indulged him, rescued him, loved him- 

Crowley had- Crowley had loved him. 

Aziraphale felt like he couldn't breathe, which was quite ridiculous, considering that his body didn't even strictly need to breathe. He felt dizzy, his head spinning as he leaned a hand against the elevator wall to steady himself. 

What had he done? 

He had left Crowley. He had abandoned Crowley, had thrown away years and years of- of...

He had left the one who had always given everything he had ever wished for and more, and what for? This wasn't his side anymore, it had stopped being his side millennia ago. Why did he even need their approval, why would he even want their approval when his lovely, beautiful demon was there to shower him with more love than the hollow halls of Heaven could ever dream of harbouring? 

The white light of divinity was too harsh in comparison to the light in Crowley's eyes. 

The clean vastness of Heaven's floors too cold in comparison to the warmth of Crowley's touch. 

His eyes were stinging, everything too barren and bleak and bright, too suffocating. 

The Metatron's protests fell on deaf ears as Aziraphale's fingers found the elevator button. 

~oOo~

She had taken him home. Of course she had.

Or well. She had taken him to his flat. Closest thing to home there was. Closest thing to home there would ever be, now that Aziraphale wasn't there anymore to fill that word with meaning. 

The Bentley parked in her usual spot, the one that was always magically empty for her. Last time she was here had been the night Aziraphale had spent at his place, the night before they swapped bodies and finally cut all ties with their respective Head Offices.

Or so Crowley had thought. Seemed Aziraphale hadn't done that much cutting after all.

Crowley didn't get out of the car. He just sat and listened. 

The music had become a comfort now, even though he would deny that til the day he ceased to exist. It tore at his heart, felt like his thoughts and feelings were being ripped right out of his body and poured into the radio, but it was strangely freeing to have his muddled mess of emotions put into words like that.

You and I walk a fragile line, it was singing now, 
I have known it all this time
But I never thought I'd live to see it break
Stood there and watched you walk away
from everything we had
But I still mean every word I said to you

'We're a team, a group', Crowley had said. 'And we've spent our existence pretending that we aren't'. 

'We need to get away from them, just be an us'. 

'We can go off together'. 

How many times now had he asked the angel to go off together? How many times had the answer been no?  

Oh, holding my breath
Won't lose you again
Something made your eyes go cold

That look on his angel's face when Crowley released his hold on him. The way his back had straightened, his jaw hardened. Aziraphale had never looked at him that way before. Never. Not even in the very beginning. Crowley knew it would haunt him every hour for the rest of eternity. 

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this
I thought I had you figured out
Something's gone terribly wrong
You're all I wanted

Tears were falling freely now, wetting Crowley's cheeks and dripping in his lap. He let them. Once he opened the car's door, no one would see a trace of him falling apart. He'd pull himself together in front of the rest of the world, no one would suspect a thing. 

He'd lock everything inside and throw away the key, would let numbness take over and throw a blanket over the pain that tried to choke him with its iron grip. 

But he would have this moment first. He would let it consume him, would let the emotion wash over him, cleanse him. He had to feel it all first before he would shut it all out and never feel anything ever again. 

The next song started, and Crowley gripped the Bentley's wheel tightly.

My cards are on the table, yours are in your hand
Chances are tonight you've already got plans
And chances are I will talk myself to sleep again

It was almost pathetic, really, how darn accurate it all was. He was fucking pathetic, thinking back to all the nights he had been lying awake fantasizing about a future that would never be his, a love that had never existed outside of his delusional mind.

You give me just enough attention
to keep my hopes too high
Wishful thoughts forget to mention
when something's really not right
And I will block out these voices
of reason in my head
And the voices say: 'You are not the exception,
you will never learn your lesson'

He would have laughed if it hadn't been so depressingly true. Even now, even while every cell in his body ached at the thought of the angel, all he wanted was to see his face again, just one more time. 

There would never be anyone else. 

It didn't matter how much he was hurting. 

There could never be anyone else. 

Foolish One, stop checking your mailbox
for confessions of love that ain't never gonna come,
you will take the long way,
you will take the long way down

Crowley was quite familiar with taking the long way down, thank you very much for the reminder.

You know how to keep me waiting,
I know how to act like I'm fine
Don't know what to call this situation,
but I know I can't call you mine
And it's delicate, but I will do my best
to seem bullet-proof

Right. Crowley sighed deeply, pressing his eyes closed. 

He had to pull himself together. He had to move on. 

He wiped his eyes. 

He had to move on. 

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace, the Bentley played.
And you're the hero flying around saving face
And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?
Cursing my name, wishing I stayed
Look at how my tears ricochet

That's what it was, wasn't it. Aziraphale wanted to be the hero. He wanted Heaven's approval, wanted to be patted on the back. It hadn't been enough that Crowley tried at every turn to give him the praise and appreciation he'd always craved. It hadn't been enough.

And now Crowley was the bad guy. Crowley refused to go with him. Crowley hadn't stayed by his side.

And Aziraphale would soon find out why, would soon remember that Heaven was just as bad as Hell, it just covered all its rotten parts in the blinding light of glory. Aziraphale would remember, and he would regret ever leaving. 

The thought filled him with a sickening sense of satisfaction, and he hated himself for it. 

Perhaps he was the bad guy. 

That's how it had always been. 

I'm good, Aziraphale would always tell him. You're evil.

Right.

The ties were black, the lies were white
In shades of grey and candlelight
I wanted to leave him, I needed a reason

Perhaps Aziraphale really had only needed a reason to leave him behind. Perhaps he'd just needed somewhere else to go.

Fuck him, then.

Fuck shades of grey. Fuck all of it. 

And I can go anywhere I want, it sounded from the radio as Crowley opened the door. 

He looked up at the windows that belonged to his flat. He had wanted it back so badly while he couldn't have it. Now it was all he had left, and he had never dreaded entering its empty rooms more than he did right now. 

And I can go anywhere I want
Anywhere I want, just not home

Chapter Text

It had been a year.

He hadn't heard from Aziraphale in a year.

He should have been prepared that he wouldn't hear from Aziraphale ever again, but knowing that you should be prepared for something and actually being prepared for something were two different things entirely.

His flat felt cold and empty. It had felt cold and empty ever since that day.

All his things had still been there. Shax hadn't bothered getting rid of anything, or maybe the flat had simply known to rearrange itself upon Crowley's return. But everything was hidden away now, locked up behind closed storage room doors where Crowley wouldn't have to lay eyes on anything that would remind him of Aziraphale.

That was the problem. Everything reminded him of Aziraphale.

Of course it did. He had never bothered keeping much of anything except for the sole value of it reminding him of Aziraphale. There had been the eagle statue he took from the church in 1941. The sculpture of a demon and angel wrestling. Even his plants had reminded him of the angel, how he'd whispered kind words to them when he thought Crowley wasn't looking.

They were all dead now, his plants. Every leaf and stem withered away along with the love in his heart.

Crowley hadn't cared to keep them alive. He barely cared to keep himself alive.

He hadn't left his flat in months. He rarely left his bed. His days were spent trying (and failing) not to think about Aziraphale. A lot of the time he drank, hoping that it would make him fall asleep for at least a few days at a time. It didn't always work. Sometimes it just left him in a corner on the floor, crying and feeling sorry for himself like the pathetic excuse for a demon he was.

He had never had trouble sleeping. He had liked sleeping, had done it for an entire century if he felt like it. Now he couldn't. Because there were dreams that wouldn't let him. And what if Aziraphale came back while he was sleeping? He knew Aziraphale wouldn't come back. But what if he did and Crowley missed it because he was asleep? He couldn't risk it.

The days were long, the nights were longer. Then he lost awareness of whether it was day or night altogether.

What did it matter? The world kept turning. Great.

His world had stopped the second his angel stepped into that elevator.

Empty bottles had begun to fill the apartment floor, but he was too weak to miracle them away, and he certainly wouldn't be getting up to get rid of them by hand. No one was going to see his mess anyway (the mess his flat was, the mess Crowley was). He didn't have anyone.

Sometimes he wondered. Did Aziraphale feel as lonely up there as he did down here?

Maybe he did. It was both a depressing and comforting thought.

Perhaps he'd made new friends. Better friends, friends he didn't have to hide with, friends he didn't have to be ashamed of, friends he didn't have to break his precious heavenly rules for.

Perhaps he was finally making the difference he had wanted to. Perhaps he had found a purpose, had found happiness.

Or perhaps he was fucking miserable. Perhaps he had regretted leaving the moment he stepped foot on those disgusting white floors. Perhaps he hadn't liked what Heaven wanted him to work on. Perhaps he had disobeyed, had been removed from his position, had been punished and tortured and cast out or killed-

Crowley gagged violently, empty stomach cramping as he doubled over in pain.

No. Nonono, he couldn't think of such things.

Just because it had happened to him didn't mean-

Fuck.

He pulled his knees up to his chest, swaying back and forth where he was sitting on the floor. He didn't want to remember that time. He didn't want to think of how it had felt, how he'd tried to do the right thing and ended up- and Aziraphale...Aziraphale always tried to do the right thing, too. Crowley knew that. He didn't just obey blindly, not anymore. He didn't just follow orders without question if he didn't agree with their methods. 

And as Supreme Archangel, Aziraphale would consider it his duty to speak up, because that's who Aziraphale was. Always kind, always caring, always considerate, always worrying about humanity, empathetic in a way the other angels had never learned to be, in a way they wouldn't understand. 

Crowley knew. He'd been there, done that.

What if he asked questions? Crowley had just asked a few questions, too.

Just a few too many questions...

He drove a hand through his hair, fisting the red strands and tugging until it hurt. The pain was good, grounding. Most of the time he just felt empty these days.

Perhaps he'd get him back, if they made him fall. Perhaps they could be together, if they were finally the same after all.

We can be together, Aziraphale had said. Angels.

What about demons, then.

And what an absolutely vile, dreadful thing to think. He hated himself for thinking that. He hated himself for the millisecond he actually wished it would happen. 

He didn't want that. Of course he didn't want that. He could never want Aziraphale to suffer like that just so Crowley could have him back. 

He drowned a bottle of whatever alcoholic drink was lying closest, tasting nothing. He needed to forget about that, needed to forget the image of Aziraphale on his doorstep, cream-coloured coat stained with pitch, his wings burned black and drenched in the stench of sulfur.

Time passed. He didn't know how much. Didn't care. 

This was his eternity now.

Until it wasn't.

Because there Aziraphale was, standing on his doorstep. And his wings were still white, his eyes filled with tears as he begged and apologized.

Crowley was sober for the first time in months, emotions he had carefully locked away breaking free and washing over him in powerful waves at the sight of the angel. Relief, surprise, confusion, hurt, love, pain, so much pain - all muddled together and culminated in an overwhelming explosion of anger in Crowley's chest.

It had been a year. A year.

Aziraphale had left him behind, had left him alone. And it had taken him a year to realize he'd made a mistake. It had taken him a year to realize that Crowley had been right all along, that Heaven wasn't what it pretended to be, that no matter how hard Aziraphale tried, he couldn't be what they wanted, couldn't make them happy, couldn't change a damn thing.

The angel cried and pleaded for Crowley to let him explain, promised that he had learned his lesson, proclaimed that he had been foolish and blinded by his desire to finally get Heaven's approval. 

He said he should have chosen Crowley.

And of course, Crowley ate it all up like the pathetic, desperate thing he was. 

Of course, Crowley agreed to take him back. But there was still so much anger inside him, so much hurt he hadn't come to terms with, so much betrayal he couldn't quite forgive-

When they kissed, it was forceful. It felt like Aziraphale meant for it to be an apology, a promise, a vow. To Crowley, it just felt like it needed to be a punishment. 

When they undressed, it was hurried and without finesse, seams ripping and buttons flying and Aziraphale didn't say a single word when his precious waistcoat was torn. 

Everything was a haze. Aziraphale's skin, slick with sweat where it slid against Crowley's. Aziraphale's taste, the hint of copper when his fangs drew blood on the angel's shoulder. Aziraphale's sounds, hungry and desperate and wanton in a way that fuelled the fire in Crowley's soul, made his hands grip tighter and his mind swim even more.

He didn't care if he left bruises. He didn't care if this was nothing like his dreams.

His dreams had been shattered, and maybe he would never manage to put them back together. Maybe his dreams were gone, but Aziraphale was here, was finally here and pliant and willing to let Crowley do with him whatever he pleased. 

Aziraphale was finally back where he belonged, and Crowley would be damned (again) if he let him or Heaven or Hell or anyone in between ever forget that this angel was his.

"Turn around", he heard himself hiss. "I said turn around!"

Aziraphale looked at him with wide eyes, but obeyed without a word. He was beautiful, glorious, opening up so readily when Crowley's fingers worked to stretch him. He moaned and writhed, the picture of pure sin, and wasn't that just the most deliciously ironic thing to ever enter Crowley's mind.

"Look at you." He didn't even sound like himself anymore, words leaving his mouth beyond his control. There was nothing of him left, just numbness and anger and need. "What would Heaven think of their precious angel now? What would they say if they could see you? Letting yourself be defiled by demonic hands-"

Aziraphale made a noise unlike anything Crowley had ever heard when he pressed inside him, and he didn't know how something could feel so wrong and right at the same time-

There was silence, once it was over.

No nightingales, Crowley remembered. No nightingales.

And Aziraphale turned around, looking over his shoulder with tear tracks on his cheeks.

The angel opened his mouth, then-

"I forgive you."

Crowley jolted out of his bed violently, drenched in sweat and cheeks stained with tears just as Aziraphale's had been a moment ago. 

He panted hard, desperately trying to catch his breath, to chase the dreadful memory of his dream - of his nightmare - as far away as he could. Aziraphale wasn't here, wasn't back, hadn't been gone for a year, not even for a day, he wasn't here, he wasn't hurt, he-

Crowley pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, choking on a sob that wanted to claw its way out of his throat.

He knew it hadn't been a good idea to sleep. 

He couldn't have foreseen quite how awful it would be.

It had barely been a few hours since Aziraphale entered the elevator, leaving Crowley's life in turn, and he already felt like he couldn't breathe. How could he live on air Aziraphale did not exhale? 

Was this his future? That dreadful vision his dream had shown him? Was this what was to become of him? 

His whole body trembled, his shirt clinging to his clammy skin. It was disgusting, he felt disgusting, flashes of his dream-self invading his mind, popping up behind his inner eye and making him shudder in horror and utter revulsion. 

The mere thought of him acting like that made him feel nauseous, his hands trembling as he balled them into fists. In his mind, he had to watch as those hands wanted to leave bruises on Aziraphale's skin, grasping too violently, clinging too tightly. A previously unblemished canvas, painted with Crowley's fingertips in blues and purples. An untouched surface, torn to shreds by sharp teeth and pointed claws. 

It made him retch, memory of the vile taste of stale whiskey prominent in his mouth. 

He would never treat his angel like that. Never. 

It didn't matter how much he was hurting, didn't matter how much pain he accumulated in his chest, how much anger it fuelled in his heart. He would never use it to hurt Aziraphale in return, and certainly not like that, never like that.

All he'd ever wanted was tenderness, to shower his angel with all the soft and gentle and loving and decidedly undemonic things he shouldn't be craving. 

Crowley fell back into the sheets with a deep sigh, terrified to close his eyes again.

Chapter Text

It wasn't working.

He pressed the elevator button towards Earth again, but they had simply stopped moving, suspended between realms. 

"And what exactly is it that you're doing there?"

Aziraphale had to close his eyes, taking a deep breath before he turned to face the Metatron with a strained smile plastered on his face.

"I'm ever so sorry", he said, hoping the tension in his voice would read as politeness. "It appears that I ah...forgot about some things that require my immediate attention. On Earth, that is."

"I thought you said there wasn't anything you needed", Metatron reminded him, one eyebrow raised in question. Aziraphale didn't like that look, those eyes that seemed to be boring into him, laying all the secrets bare that his treacherously pounding heart was holding. 

"Oh, yes." Aziraphale chuckled nervously. "Silly me. It must have simply escaped me. But I remember now", he tried again. "Rather important responsibilities that need tending to, you see."

"More important than leading Heaven?"

Oh, bugger. 

"Well, not...necessarily, as such..." Aziraphale trailed off, mind working furiously to come up with a decent argument. "If you say it like that. Immensely important to myself however, which is why I would prefer it if you'd just-"

"What kind of responsibility would that be, may I ask?"

Getting out of here and back to-

"Ah..." Aziraphale smiled, swallowed hard. "Personal matter, I'm afraid."

"Aziraphale." The calmness in Metatron's voice sent a shiver down Aziraphale's spine, something in that tone carrying a sense of danger he couldn't quite ignore. "Lying is a sin, you know."

"L-Lying?" Aziraphale clasped his hands behind his back, wringing nervously where the other couldn't see them. "Who said anyone was lying? No one's lying here, I'm sure. Why would anyone be lying?"

"You seem terribly nervous all of a sudden."

"I'm just..." He shrugged his shoulders in an attempt at lightheartedness, swaying back and forth on his feet as if that would hide his restlessness. "...eager to get back, you see. So I can sort things out, as it were, and...return to work. Yes."

"Alright." The Metatron nodded. "What is it, then? We can send someone to take care of whatever business of yours needs tending to."

"Oh." That's not- think of something, you idiot, think of something and quickly- "I'm afraid that wouldn't do. This will take my personal attendance. Really no way around it."

"Aziraphale." He didn't like how the Metatron said his name. Cold and calculated. He had always liked the way it sounded when Crowley said his name... 

"If you're trying to go back on your promise-", Metatron said just then, and perhaps that was it, perhaps that was his only opportunity, perhaps he'd just have to get out with it and-

"A-Actually..." Aziraphale took a deep, steadying breath. "I'm sorry", he said then, hoping he sounded as regretful as he wanted to make him believe. "I truly am. But I don't think...I don't think I can do this, I-" I can't stay here, I can't leave him, can't be without him, I- "I appreciate the offer, greatly so. But-"

"But he's got you tighter in his claws than I anticipated", the Metatron finished calmly, making Aziraphale's eyes snap up, shoulders tensing ever so slightly.

"P-Pardon?"

"The demon Crowley." Metatron's mouth distorted shortly in displeasure. "You want to go back because of him. Don't even try to deny it."

He probably couldn't deny it if he tried.

"Well, I-"

"You should rethink your path, Aziraphale." Cold eyes pinned him in place with their intense gaze. "And think carefully. If you leave now, there is no turning back."

Aziraphale licked his lips. The threat behind those calm words wasn't lost on the angel, but if anything, it encouraged him more to get as far away from here as quickly as possible.

"What did he say to you, hm?" Metatron's voice softened as he took a step towards him, and Aziraphale had to concentrate hard not to flinch back. "Did he tell you that I'm trying to trick you? That Heaven isn't the good side?" Metatron sighed. "Of course he would say that. He doesn't know better. He doesn't belong here. He could never fit in, he's not like you."

The Metatron smiled, but there was no life behind it.

"But you know better, Aziraphale, don't you? You know we're all just trying to do our best here? Do you really want to give up on all this is offering you? On Heaven. The side of truth, of light. Of good." He shook his head, as if he knew anything about Aziraphale, smiled as if he understood him. 

"No", Metatron said, and it almost sounded kind. "That's not who you are. You're an angel. You know whose side you're on."

The side of...of truth, of light, of good, Metatron had called it.

But...He had said that, Aziraphale realized. He had said those exact words to Crowley- how did the Metatron know what he'd-

"Did you..." Aziraphale's brow furrowed. "Did you hear what we-"

"Come now, Aziraphale", Metatron broke him off, a hand coming to rest heavily on his shoulder. "You know where you belong. What is this sudden hesitation? If your friend Crowley taught you anything, it should be that doubt is the doorway to transgression."

Do not speak his name.

"I-I-..." 

I do know where I belong. And it isn't here, it's...it's...

"We're running late", Metatron said. "People are waiting on you."

Waiting...Crowley had been waiting for him. Crowley had always waited for him. And he'd just left, had just left him there waiting, he-

"I can't." Aziraphale turned to face the Metatron, straightening his back with as much confidence as he could muster. "I'm not the right angel for this. You'll have to find someone else."

"Aziraphale-"

"No!" Aziraphale flinched at his own outburst, taking a deep breath. "No", he said again, more calmly and collected, "this was a mistake. I am sorry, but I cannot be what you want. I will return to Earth now, and you will leave me to continue my life as it was. In exile."

On my own side. On our side.

If Crowley would still want him.

The thought made his chest constrict painfully, the very real possibility that he might be too late, that he'd finally pushed the demon too far and he'd understood that Aziraphale wasn't worth the trouble. But it didn't matter. 

If that was the case, he'd have to accept it, and live out his life on Earth in solitude. He'd deserve it.

He held the Metatron's gaze, praying for confidence he didn't feel as strongly as he needed to project it. He could watch as the other angel's eyes hardened, his mouth pressing into a thin line of disapproval as he stared Aziraphale down.

"You are about to walk down a path you will soon regret, Aziraphale", he said coldly, chin raised in a display of dominance.

Aziraphale swallowed.

"That may be so, but it is mine to choose as I see fit."

"Is it now." The Metatron's voice was icy, his eyes hard as steel. "I have to say I'm disappointed in you. But I should have known not to put my hope and trust in someone so..." He looked Aziraphale up and down with a scowl of disgust, "...obviously tainted by humanity and infernal influences. I should have known the demon had corrupted you beyond saving. What doubt did he plant in your mind? Did he say you weren't fit to fill this position? That you would fail just like he did?"

"He said nothing of the sort-"

Aziraphale broke off. 

Fail just like- "Wait. W-What did you just-"

"Oh, yes." The Metatron smiled again, visibly pleased with himself. "Didn't you know? Didn't he ever tell you? I would suppose not, didn't trust you enough to share that information with you, did he? But I'm sure you are smart enough to see. You know Gabriel wasn't the first Supreme Archangel that needed replacing."

"But..." No, it couldn't be. Surely, Crowley hadn't been- "No. No, it can't be-"

"Oh, yes. One and the same."

"Crowley was-"

"Supreme Archangel", Metatron confirmed with a nod. "But he didn't have what it took. Dreadful business, really, organizing his Fall. You cannot imagine the amount of paperwork. And all because he couldn't just do what he was told."

The Metatron sighed.

"Are you still wondering now why he didn't want you to go?", he asked. "He failed, and he didn't want you to succeed in what he did not have the ability to carry out. He doesn't want you to be better than him. Because as soon as you realize how much more valuable you are, you will discard him like the worthless creature he became thanks to his transgressions-"

"Stop." Aziraphale shook his head, unable to process what he was hearing. "Don't talk about him like that."

"Oh, Aziraphale." Metatron's eyes were filled with pity now, and Aziraphale hated that look. "Can't you see? He's not worth your time. He has poisoned your thoughts. He's a snake, venomous, destined to crawl on his belly with the rest of the lowest and fallen-"

"Stop it!"

"He cannot love you back, Aziraphale", he went on without mercy, "you must know that. Whatever he told you, it's a lie. It's what they do! He's a demon, demons can't love as we do."

But Aziraphale knew better. Aziraphale had watched Crowley love more deeply and care more profoundly than anyone else for 6000 years.

No, he didn't love as Heaven did.

Heaven's love was not simply given, it was a prize to be won, something to be earned, something you lost just like that as soon as you stopped fitting in their neat little box.

Crowley's love had always been unconditional. Aziraphale had pushed him away time and time again, but the demon always came back, was always there when he needed him. His love was a gift he gave out of the generosity of his heart, even when Aziraphale clearly hadn't deserved it.

And God, he had been so focused on wanting to earn Heaven's love that he had been blind to the love he'd already been given from such a wonderfully unexpected source.

Perhaps the love he had always been looking for...was the love that he'd already had.

In many ways, Crowley's love was the way Aziraphale had once believed Heaven to be, the way he still believed Heaven should be.

Wherever Beelzebub is, is my Heaven, Gabriel had said, and Aziraphale understood the sentiment completely.  

"He cannot love you back", the Metatron's words rang in his ears, and he could feel his jaw tightening with anger, his fingers curling around the fabric of his coat and holding on tightly. 

These angels did not know the smallest thing about Earth, about life, about love - yet they took it upon themselves to pass judgement on them, on Crowley. He himself had fallen into that trap too many times, he regretted to admit, but he would not have it now. Not about this.

"I'll take that risk, thank you."

"You're making a mistake."

"Oh, I rather believe I'm undoing one, right now."

"He's tempting you!" The Metatron huffed angily, not trying to hide his agitation any longer. "He is the Original Tempter, Aziraphale, it's what he was created to do! He wants to lure you away from your purpose. From your destiny."

No. Aziraphale smiled. The first real smile since he left his shop. He is my destiny.

And apparently, the other angel could see it on his face, that his decision was made, the dice cast. 

"You really think he'll take you back?", Metatron asked, eyebrow raised mockingly. "After you left him so readily? Are you sure of it, Aziraphale? Because if he doesn't, you'll have nowhere else to go. This is your last chance. If you leave now, Heaven will be done with you, for good."

And yes, it was a dreadful thought. Crowley refusing to take him back. It was the most dreadful of all thoughts. But even the smallest chance to have him back was far superior to the prospect of eternity among angels.

Aziraphale straightened, hands clasped calmly in front of his stomach.

"I understand."

"Do you really?"

"Yes, I-" Aziraphale swallowed. "I think I understand a whole lot better than you do", he said then, echoing Crowley's words to himself. 

It had been true, of course. Crowley had been right, and Aziraphale could only hope he hadn't lost him forever with his foolishness.

Please, forgive me.

"Now, I would like to return to Earth, please, if you'd be so kind."

Chapter Text

Aziraphale took a deep breath as he stepped out of the elevator, doors closing behind him. 

There was only one thought on his mind, the same thought that had been occupying his every waking hour for the better part of six thousand years.

Crowley.

He had to find Crowley.

(To Aziraphale, the elevator ride halfway up had barely lasted twenty minutes, but what the angel didn't know was that time worked differently in the elevator suspended between realms. In fact, it worked exactly as its occupants wanted it to work, and as Aziraphale had been anything but eager to arrive in Heaven, the elevator had - whithout his knowlege - obliged his subconscious wish and stretched time accordingly.

What felt like a few minutes to Aziraphale had in fact been a few hours on Earth, more than enough time for a certain demon to drive to his flat, mope around in his car to the voice of Taylor Swift, sleep for some time and just generally feel sorry for himself.

Also more than enough time for a certain car to feel a shift in her favourite angel's conviction, to leave her parking space in Mayfair and make the short drive back to her designated space in front of a book shop.)

Aziraphale looked down the street, startling when he spotted the familiar silhouette of the Bentley parked in her usual spot. An involuntary smile spread on his face at the sight of the car, and his feet made their way over to her before he even knew what he was doing.

"Why, hello there." He gently stroked a hand over her hood. "Are you...here to bring me to him?"

Instead of an answer, the car turned yellow before his eyes, doors unlocking.

Aziraphale got in, breathing in the familiar smell of smoke and leather that lingered in the Bentley's seats. 

"He didn't..." Aziraphale knew it couldn't be, but his silly little heart skipped a hopeful beat at the thought anyway. "He didn't send you, did he?" 

The Bentley slowly pulled out of the parking lot, and Aziraphale sighed.

"No, of course not. He couldn't have known." 

And he probably wouldn't have bothered even if he knew.

"Could you please stay black, though?" Aziraphale smiled sadly. "I want to feel like he's here with me, you know?"

The Bentley did as he asked, the air rippling around him as reality was bent back to black paint and an interior tragically lacking any travel sweets. The angel patted the steering wheel in thanks, watching as the Bentley followed the road he knew would lead them to the flat in Mayfair. At least Crowley had gotten his home back. 

Once I had an empire in a golden age, the radio started playing all of a sudden.
I was held up so high, I used to be great
They used to cheer when they saw my face
Now, I fear I have fallen from grace

"That's new." Aziraphale listened to the unfamiliar female voice coming from the speakers, sad and hauntingly beautiful and not at all Crowley's usual taste.

Their faith was strong, but I pushed it too far
I held that grudge 'til it tore me apart

His chest constricted painfully at the words, a shudder running down Aziraphale's spine as he tried to smile through the sudden onslaught of emotion.

"Is that for me, then?" A watery chuckle left his throat. "I deserve that, I suppose."

Power went to my head, and I couldn't stop
Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off

Aziraphale's eyes watered and he pressed his lips together. 

The Bentley was right. He had been blinded by hope, by his longing to have the power to make everything right - instead, he had caused everything that had been right in his life to crash and burn. He had lost everything that counted, had driven Crowley away and-

And here I sit alone, behind walls of regret
Falling down like promises that I never kept

A silent tear trailed down Aziraphale's cheek, and he quickly reached up to wipe it off. He had no right to cry, no right to feel sorry for himself. This was all his fault. Crowley had wanted to be with him, had wanted him to stay so they could be together. He had promised Crowley, after Armageddon didn't happen, he had said they'd be on their own side now and then...

And I feel like my castle's crumbling down
And I watch all my bridges burn to the ground
And you don't want to know me
I will just let you down

Aziraphale shook his head. Squeezed his eyes shut against the stinging of tears. 

He had to pull himself together. It was too late now to undo his mistakes. It didn't help anyone of he sat here and wallowed in his sorrow and regret. 

But he could try and make up for it. He could get his act together, walk up to Crowley's door and speak his piece. If the demon didn't want anything to do with him afterwards, he'd still have time to drown in self-pity. But now, he needed to stay strong. He needed to show Crowley that he'd chosen him for good.

You don't wanna know me now

He just hoped Crowley would still want to choose him, too.

~oOo~

The sound of the door-knocker reverberated loudly in the empty stairwell when Aziraphale stood in front of Crowley's flat, but his heartbeat pounding in his ears was louder.

There was scrambling on the other side, like someone was hastily (and not very elegantly) making their way towards the door, then silence. Silence for so long Aziraphale already feared Crowley simply wouldn't open.

Then suddenly, the black wood gave way, and Aziraphale's heart stumbled over itself in his chest when he laid eyes on the demon. 

He was beautiful - had he always been so beautiful? - all long lines and lean limbs in his slim jeans, flaming red hair and, to Aziraphale's incredible disappointment, dark sunglasses covering up his eyes.

He must have put them on to open the door. Surely, Crowley wouldn't be wearing his glasses around his own home. 

The realisation sent a wave of sadness through the angel. Merely yesterday, Crowley had taken his glasses off whenever he entered Aziraphale's bookshop, Aziraphale's presence. Now, he had put his defences up quite literally, and quite specifically to shield himself from Aziraphale. 

His hair seemed a little messier than usual, his clothes a little less neatly in place - but maybe that was just Aziraphale's wishful thinking, a desperate attempt to find signs that Crowley had taken their separation - short as it may have been - just as badly as he had.

"Thought you'd be in Heaven by now", the demon said coldly, leaning against his door frame and thus blocking his way inside. 

"So did I."

"What do you want, Aziraphale?" 

Crowley crossed his arms in front of his chest, and Aziraphale hated it all, the defensive stance, the defensive gesture, the defensive glasses - and that it was all his fault.  

"Come to tell me again how you forgive me?", the demon sneered, the words clawing at Aziraphale's heart so painfully he needed to take a deep breath.

"N-No." He took a tiny step forward, but the demon showed no intention of moving from his spot. "No, I- I came to say that I'm sorry-"

"No", Crowley snapped, cutting him off, "you feel guilty. There's a difference."

"Crowley, please." Aziraphale could feel the desperation rising inside him, tried to force it down without effect. "Will you just let me inside? I know I've wronged you. Unspeakably so. I'm here because it is I who has to ask for forgiveness. Please, I just..."

Aziraphale sighed. 

"I came to ask your forgiveness", he said again, as calm and collected as he could. "And I know I don't deserve it." I know I don't deserve you. "But I've come to ask it anyway. Because I meant it when I told you that I need you, Crowley."

He tried to reach the demon's eyes behind his sunglasses, but his expression remained closed off and unreadable. 

"Will you please let me inside? I promise, if you don't like what I have to say, you can throw me out again just as swiftly."

Crowley didn't move, seemed to consider his words for a long moment, just looking at him. Aziraphale attempted a hopeful smile, but it faltered and fell the longer they just stood their staring at each other. 

Then, Crowley finally moved, stepping aside. He didn't say anything, just jerked his head toward the inside of his flat, and Aziraphale didn't need to be asked twice. 

The door closed behind them, Crowley leaning against it once more, effectively trapping the angel. Perhaps this hadn't been such a brilliant idea after all.

Aziraphale looked around the flat, swallowing nervously. 

He had so much to say.

So much he simply didn't know where to begin. 

"I-I..." Aziraphale sighed, closing his eyes as he did the first thing that sprung to his mind.

The steps to their little dance were familiar to him by now, almost comforting. He let his body follow the movements, aware that he looked far less graceful than Crowley had when he performed it for him a few days ago, but it didn't matter. He just needed it to show Crowley that he really was here to apologise. 

He opened his eyes when he was done, smiling tentatively at the demon who was staring at him.

"Are you serious right now?"

Crowley looked even angrier than before, if that was possible, and Aziraphale flinched slightly, shaking his head.

"I'm trying to apologise", he said. "And we always-"

"You gotta be fucking kidding me!"

"Crowley, please." Aziraphale wrapped his arms around himself, the fact that Crowley was rejecting his apology hitting him like a ton of bricks. They always did the dance. The dance was what they did, had done for millennia, it was theirs, their little tradition. The dance had always worked and-

"I know this isn't enough", Aziraphale said, "but I just hoped it might be a start. I'm sorry if I've made you angry, I just thought-"

"A dance." Crowley pushed himself off the door, coming towards him, eyebrows raised behind his glasses. "You think a dance will make up for this?"

"Of course not." Nothing will ever make up for this. "I don't know what I can do to show you how deeply I regret how we parted."

"Do you now." Crowley laughed bitterly. "Bet that regret gained a lot more weight when you realized Heaven wouldn't be working out for you after all, huh? Bad enough to come crawling back now and think I'd be at your beck and call again as soon as you whistle."

"No..." Tears were stinging in the corner of Aziraphale's eyes, but he blinked them away. Pity wasn't what he needed now, from himself or Crowley. "No, it was never- oh, my dear, I-"

"Don't call me that!" 

The snap was so forceful it made Aziraphale start back, his hands trembling as dread sunk in. Crowley had never said that before. Not ever. Not even when they barely knew each other. He had always called Crowley dear, and Crowley had always called him angel, and Crowley rejecting that now was...was...

Aziraphale swallowed hard, clutching his hands together in front of him to hide their shaking.

"Crowley." He breathed deeply. "What do you want? What do I have to do to make you hear me out? Do you want to see me beg? I can beg." I'll plead, I'll cry, I'll humiliate myself in front of you, I'll pray-

"I was the one begging!", Crowley hissed, fangs bared. "I begged for you to stay and you didn't care."

"I know." But I cared. I cared so much it nearly tore me apart. "And I should have listened. You have every right to distrust me, to despise me even. You trusted that I'd know better, you..."

You put your faith in the wrong angel. Crowley had always thought him better than he truly was.

"You put too much faith in me", Aziraphale said, swallowing against the way his voice had begun to sound thick with tears. "And I disappointed you. And that's nothing new, is it? I've disappointed you time and time again over the years and still I- I've realised, far too late, I realised just how much I depend on you being there for me. Because you always have been. All the time. Since the very beginning."

"So you came here to clear your conscience before leaving me and going back to that shithole upstairs?" Crowley made a rude gesture towards the ceiling. "That's real grand, Aziraphale, even for you."

He deserved that. 

He knew he deserved that.

That didn't make it hurt any less.

"He told me who you were", he heard himself say, causing Crowley's head to snap up.

"What?"

"The Metatron", Aziraphale clarified. "He told me who you used to be. When you were still..."

He trailed off, but the blank expression on Crowley's face told him that the demon knew exactly what he was referring too.

"I see", Crowley said coldly, emotionlessly, head lowering to look down at the floor.

"He didn't say any names but...he told me you used to be Supreme Archangel."

"Well." Crowley shrugged, head hung low purposefully. "Great. So now you know I couldn't hack it, huh. That I was the highest of the high but it wasn't enough. Nono. Not me. Of course I had to fuck it up as I always do." 

He looked up, eyes fixed on Aziraphale so intensely he could feel the stare even through the dark lenses. 

"Is that what you've learned of me, angel?"

And for the first time in millennia, the first time ever, that did not sound like a term of endearment but a bullet thrown his way to create distance. And somehow, that hurt even more than anything else Crowley had said.

Aziraphale shook his head.

"Do not put words in my mouth, Crowley. How could you even think that."

"Oh, I dunno." Crowley threw his arms up before crossing them in front of his chest again. "Maybe because that's what they all think of me up there. And you seem terribly cosy with your lot recently."

"They used to be your 'lot' too, you know." 

Did Crowley really think that little of him? He supposed he deserved a certain level of mistrust, but this? 

"We've both lived there and know how prone to misconception and judgement Heaven is", Aziraphale said. "You don't need to remind me."

"Oh, don't I? Wasn't me who thought it was a brilliant idea to rejoin their ranks though, was it?"

"I know, and that was a mistake. But it was never about being back with them", Aziraphale said, assuming that it didn't truly need clarification, surely. "It was always about us."

But wasn't that obvious? Surely, Crowley had to know that. Right? Right?? 

Crowley laughed, a cold humourless thing, cruel and lifeless. Aziraphale never wanted to hear that sound come out of his demon again. 

"That's-" Crowley nodded, laughing disbelievingly. "That's fucking rich", he said, pointing at Aziraphale in accusation. "You're the reason this all went to shit. Because you thought your devotion to Heaven was more important than your devotion to me. So fuck off, pretending this was about us! I  wanted it to be about us and you-"

"You put your hatred for Heaven first same as I did my faith!", Aziraphale burst out, unable to stand it any longer. This was all going wrong. This wasn't how it had been supposed to go, this-

"Fine!", Crowley snapped, growling agitatedly. "Whatever."

"Crowley." He was begging now, wasn't he? His voice certainly sounded like it. "I didn't come here to fight, I-"

"Nah." The demon looked down at him mockingly. "You came to 'apologise.'"

Crowley stared him down, and Aziraphale took it all in. Those bitterly tensed fingers, white knuckles gripping his own arms too forcefully. Those hissed words, driving tears into Aziraphale's eyes that he had to wipe at angrily. That clenched jaw, those tight lips, those still-covered eyes-

It was too much.

That wasn't his Crowley, and Aziraphale couldn't stand to look at him. 

"Is..." He swallowed hard the keep the tears out of his voice. "Is this how it's going to be between us now?", he asked then, watching in satisfaction as the demon flinched ever so slightly - finally showing a sign of emotion other than fury and apathy. "Is this what my mistake cost me?", he went on. "Really? Because if it is, when there really is nothing I could say that you want to hear, tell me now and I'll go and spare us both this farce any further."

He waited, watched Crowley as the demon stood motionless, tense jaw working as he gritted his teeth. The moment seemed to stretch on forever, but Aziraphale let it, wouldn't be the one to break it. 

At last, Crowley moved, his whole figure relaxing ever so slightly as he untangled his arms and reached up, forcefully ripping the sunglasses from his face and carelessly throwing them on the nearest surface.

"Fine." His eyes sparkled with something Aziraphale couldn't quite place, but it was so much better than seeing nothing at all.

"Talk, then", the demon said. "I'm listening."

Chapter Text

"Talk, then. I'm listening."

Aziraphale released a long breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding. 

"Thank you", he said, hoping that his sincere relief would be reflected on his face. "What I was trying to say was that I..."

He took a second, ordering his thoughts. 

"When the Metatron told me you had been Supreme Archangel", he began, "I finally understood. I think you were...extraordinarily brave to do what you did. And no, I do not view it as a failure, Crowley." 

He smiled at the demon, even knowing that he wouldn't get much of a reaction in return.

"Being Supreme Archangel is...an impossible position to fill unless you're willing to follow orders without question", Aziraphale said, "I understand that now. I thought if I had that power, I could make a difference, but I was wrong. You knew that, because you tried. You tried to make a difference, to change things for the better when you started asking questions. And instead of listening, they simply cast you aside."

He could feel anger bubbling up inside him, his jaw clenching with the unfairness of it all, but Crowley didn't need Aziraphale's rage over Heaven's treatment of him right now - what he needed was to understand that Aziraphale never intended to treat him the same way again.

"I see now that there is no real power in Heaven", he went on, "only the semblance of power. They make you feel powerful as long as you do what they want you to. But there is no tolerance for deviation, no room for betterment, they just..."

He sighed, weighed down by the sad reality that his misplaced hope in Heaven had been nothing but a pretty picture he painted himself. 

"They just do what they think The Plan commands them to, being good does not mean trying to do the good thing, it just means being obedient, but God hasn't spoken to anyone in hundreds of years!" Aziraphale looked around helplessly. "She is certainly not the one giving orders, so who even knows if it actually is Her will at this point, it's..." Aziraphale sighed, a sound of resignation. "I thought I could make it better, but I can't. I was just...hoping I could..."

Aziraphale hung his head, pressing his eyes closed for a moment. 

It hurt, saying out loud what he knew to be true, had known to be true for a while now, but was unable to acknowledge. He had been clinging onto this hope too desperately, wanting it to be true so badly, because what was Heaven if not a space of goodness, what were angels if not the bringers of light, who was he when all he'd ever believed about himself and his people fell apart?

"Angel-"

Aziraphale's head snapped up, his heart jumping in his chest and mouth opening on a silent exhale as the familiar name swept over him, gentle and soft as it had been spoken. 

The relief he felt that Crowley could still say it like that was so immense he felt tears gathering in his eyes.

"Am I?" Aziraphale released a sad, watery laugh. "Do I deserve that name? Do any of us? Aren't angels supposed to know what's right, to do the right thing?" 

He swallowed hard, shrugging his shoulders in a display of helplessness.

"I have never known what to do", he admitted, to Crowley as much as himself. "For the longest time, I believed I did, but looking back, there is so much regret, Crowley. I-I..."

I don't know what's right anymore. 

Except for you. You have always been right, and if I lose you now... 

"All I've done to repay your kindness over the years is to push you away", Aziraphale said, glad that he could finally look back into the demon's undisguised eyes, even if it was impossible for him to read any emotion in them. 

"I must have hurt you in the most...excruciating ways and- I don't know how to make up for it. And yet, every time you have given me another chance, and you shouldn't, I shouldn't ask you to once more, but I must, I- I couldn't bear-"

I couldn't bear losing you. And not like this. Please, Lord, not over this, not over my own doing-

"And I...I never even dared hope you'd open the door for me." Aziraphale gestured to Crowley with a disbelieving laugh. "And yet you're here, and I don't understand why, why are you still here when all you ever get in return for your kindness is my rejection and disdain- how can you even stand to look at me, Crowley?"

He had to close his eyes for a second, pressing his lips together to fight the constant stinging of tears. Then he sighed deeply, rubbing his tired eyes with his thumbs.

"The truth is that I'm a coward." Aziraphale managed a sad smile. "Between the two of us, you have always been the bigger person, Crowley. You have always been the brave one, taking steps that I didn't even dare attempt. This, b-between us..."

He swallowed hard, acutely aware that this was the very first time he actually acknowledged that there was something between them at all. 

"You have always shown me, my dear", he said, recalling offered lifts and dinner invitations and kind smiles and alpha centauri and a case full of prophecy books in a destroyed church. "And the more you showed me, the more I pushed you away because I was...I was scared. I was- am, so terribly scared."

~oOo~

"I was- am, so terribly scared."

The angel broke off, hands wringing nervously in front of him. A habit Crowley knew too well, had watched for thousands of years. 

Did he think Crowley wasn't scared as well? Of course he was. He was scared shitless. He'd heard that 'You go too fast for me' once, and it hadn't left him since. 

So much could go wrong here, so much had gone wrong when he'd finally gathered the courage to breach their carefully established boundaries, and he didn't think he could take a rejection like that again.

Yeah, Crowley was scared, he was out of his mind with fear now that Aziraphale was back - fear that he hadn't come to stay, fear that he'd get him back only to lose him again down the road, fear that if he opened his heart again now, it would be broken for good. 

He had never been so scared in his life, but probably for completely different reasons than the angel before him. 

"What of?", he asked, watching as Aziraphale looked up at him wide eyes. "Heaven? Hell? They can't touch us, Aziraphale, not if we don't let them."

"It used to be them", Aziraphale confirmed, "but then...I've just been scared of...of.."

"Of what?" 

"O-Of..." Aziraphale released a shaky breath. "Of how much you make me feel", he said then, voice barely above a whisper, but Crowley heard him loud and clear. 

There was a heavy silence following that declaration, Crowley's fool of a heart stumbling over itself in his chest, hopeful idiotic thing that it was. That sounded like...maybe...but no, he couldn't go there, not now, not before-

"Because I shouldn't-" Aziraphale chuckled weakly, his eyes open and vulnerable as he looked into Crowley's. "I shouldn't feel like this", he said then, like an icy fist closing around Crowley's heart.

I shouldn't feel like this for a demon, he heard. I shouldn't feel like this for you.

Crowley sucked in a sharp breath before he could stop himself, capturing the angel's attention. Aziraphale's eyes widened, and his mouth opened in shock as he read the look on Crowley's face.

"Oh, Crowley no!" He took a step closer, lifting his hand as if to reach out and touch him, but thinking better of it in the last second, hand hovering uselessly between them instead. "This has nothing to do with you being a demon", Aziraphale said firmly, "nothing at all. I just meant that this...it's so terribly and...beautifully human and I shouldn't even be able to feel like this, but I do, and it terrifies me."

Okay. Alright. 

This was fine. Crowley could breathe again. 

He didn't need to, but right now, he kind of did. 

"Feel what?", he heard himself ask, because he had to know, he had to hear it, if this really was-

"Crowley-"

"No." Crowley shook his head. He couldn't do this any other way. He needed more. He needed to be sure. His heart couldn't take it if he wasn't sure, if Aziraphale wasn't sure.

"You're gonna have to say it, Aziraphale."  

Perhaps it wasn't fair to deliver an ultimatum to the angel like that, but he had to keep his guard up.

At any other given point in time, he had always put Aziraphale first, would always put Aziraphale first.

And that was dangerous.

Crowley knew if Azirphale fell to his knees right now and begged him to be friends again, he would probably do it. He was pathetic like that. He simply didn't know how to be anything other than exactly what Aziraphale wanted him to be. 

But he knew he shouldn't, couldn't. Not anymore. 

Too much had happened, too much had been said and done between them. He couldn't go back to the way things had been, not even if he'd wanted to. 

Perhaps he could have pretended for a while, but he knew it would tear him apart sooner rather than later. 

"I can't do this anymore." He sounded as exhausted as he felt, but couldn't give a fuck about it now. Let the angel hear what a mess he'd made him, what did it matter. 

"I just can't. Not again, not after this. Not unless you say it."

Please, you gotta say it, Crowley begged in his mind. You gotta make me believe it. 

Please, angel. Lie if you must. Just say it so I can be what you want. Just say it so I can be with you and not keep dying inside. Please, just-

"I-I...", Aziraphale stammered, blue eyes meeting Crowley's for a long moment before he averted them, swallowing thickly. "I..."

A pause. Long. Too long.

All the tension left Crowley's body at once, a deep sigh of resignation escaping his lungs.

Right. Guess that's my answer right there. 

He picked his glasses back up from the table, ignoring how Aziraphale seemed to reach towards him with a pained expression on his face as he did so.

"Yeah." He slipped them back into place, only then allowing the treacherous tears to gather in his eyes where the angel couldn't see them. "That's what I thought."

He turned towards the door, his feet heavy. Every step was painful, but he was just so tired. He was just...so damn tired. 

"Crowley!" Aziraphale's desperate voice sliced through him like a knife. "Wait, please!"

Crowley pressed his teeth together until they hurt.

"I think you should go."

~oOo~

"I think you should go", Crowley said, and Aziraphale felt like crying, but no tears would come. Perhaps a pain like that was already beyond anything as mundane as tears. 

"I will", he promised, gathering himself as best as he could, launching one last attempt to salvage what he'd obviously broken between them. "I swear, if you look me in the eye and tell me that you never want to see me again, I will leave and you'll never be bothered by me for the rest of eternity."

Even saying the words was painful, like shards of glass slicing his throat from the inside out. His heart ached unbearably at the thought of spending even another day without Crowley, so why was this still so hard? Why couldn't he simply tell Crowley that? 

He knew his feelings, knew them as surely as the first line to his favourite novel - so why hadn't he just been able to speak as Crowley had asked him to? 

Why was he still so terrified and unsure of the demon's feelings in return after all they'd said-

He didn't know. All he knew was that he could not leave like this. Not again.

"If you, however..." Aziraphale hesitated, grasping to find the right words, "...feel like there is the smallest chance that there may come a time when you can forgive me, then please-" Please, every cell in his body cried, please, oh please- "Tell me now so I can be released from this agony. I- I do not expect- I do not need...promises, of any kind. I just have to know if there is a future where you can allow me to be a part of your life again."

The demon remained silent, and every passing second was like a stone settling on Aziraphale's chest to crush him, but at least he hadn't said no. As long as he didn't speak, he hadn't said no.

"As what?", Crowley said then. "Be in my life..as what?"

"I do not think it is my place to decide that", the angel said truthfully. "As whatever you're willing to have me. All I know is that...with your permission, I don't intend to ever be parted from you again."

It was a bold statement to make, but one that rang with such truth Aziraphale couldn't possibly regret it. He watched as Crowley's hand twitched by his side, momentarily balling into a first just to release its tight hold again.

"Oh, no." The demon shook his head, and the angel cursed those blasted glasses. 

"Nonono, you-" Crowley took a step towards him, visibly stopping himself in his tracks as he pointed a trembling finger at Aziraphale instead. "You can't make me promises like that, not after-"

"I'm trying to make up for it", he said, allowing all his desperation to seep into his voice this time, "I'm trying to show you that I want to give you...whatever it is you want. Whatever you need me to be, Crowley, please. I just-" His voice broke, but he had to keep going. "Tell me I didn't lose you for good", he begged. "I- Please, if you still have any affection for me left-"

"If I still have any affection for you?! "

And suddenly, Crowley was crowded up in his space, glasses flung aside as angry yellow eyes glared at him, their noses almost touching.

"Are you fucking joking? Fuck you! Fuck you for doing this. You don't get to say shit like that to me. You lost that right-"

Crowley faltered, his eyes widening slightly as he stumbled a step back, hands shaking violently by his sides. He dragged trembling fingers through his hair, breathing deeply as he tried to gather himself, and Aziraphale ached with every bone in his body. 

"I can't let you string me along again", Crowley said then, and every word sounded like a great effort to speak. He pressed his lips together, shook his head. "Can't do it, can't go back just to have you change your mind again. I just can't do it, Aziraphale." 

His eyes filled with such agony that the angel could hardly bear it, even as the demon averted his gaze and lowered it to stare at the floor instead.

"When you looked at me like that, when you told me you'd forgive me for-" Crowley's face contorted into a pained grimace. "Fuck this, I can't even say it! You made it...abundantly clear with your reaction where you stand- so why?" 

When his eyes found Aziraphale's again, they were glistening with unshed tears.

"Why are you doing this now?", Crowley asked, pleading. "Is it fun for you to see me lose it, is that it? Do you like to see me suffer, huh? Why would you come here, why can't you just let me be?!"

And that was it. 

Something inside Aziraphale broke beyond repair, and his words echoed loudly around them as they were torn from his heart, ripped out of him like a bandaid off a festering wound. 

"Because I love you!"

Chapter Text

"Because I love you!"

There it was, finally. 

Hanging in the room.

Hovering in the air between them.

Grand. Terrifying. Beautiful.

"I love you, Crowley", Aziraphale said, like the breath of relief it was. "Of course I do." 

A smile spread on his face despite the tears in his eyes, and all he could think as he looked back into the demon's stunned face was how he could ever have doubted the magnitude of his feelings for that magnificent creature before him. 

"However could I not?", he spoke the thought aloud. "I love you deeply, insistently. You are my dearest friend, and the pleasure of your company and friendship has been my most treasured possession for the longest time."

And the thing was, Aziraphale had never actually dared to hope Crowley might return his affection. Not because he was under the conceited misconception that demons couldn't love - oh no, he knew Crowley better than that. It was simply that in Aziraphale's eyes, Crowley had absolutely no reason to love him, of all people.

For what would someone like Crowley ever see in someone like him?

Crowley was gorgeous, stylish and kept up with the times, rolling his eyes at Aziraphale's dusty books and antiquated phone and insistence on his run-down out-of-fashion clothing. But even more, he was courageous, bold, brilliantly creative and endlessly fascinating. He had created stars and come up with clever plans to navigate around Hell's rules. Crowley was extraordinary in every sense of the word and Aziraphale...Aziraphale had never known how to keep up with any of that.

Of course Crowley didn't love him. He was just a silly old-fashioned angel that hoarded books and kept tediously fussing over antiquated comforts he clung to, an angel who was far too weak (and soft) and scared and had spent the better part of his long life pushing the one thing away that had only ever been good for him, good to him.

Crowley could have his pick of anyone he wanted, and he simply couldn't allow himself to even entertain the idea that he might be what Crowley wanted. 

Not until that fateful day. 

"And then...when you- when you kissed me, I..."

Aziraphale released a shaky breath, his hand coming up to touch his lips as he'd done back then, recalling the phantom touch of the demon's against them. 

"Oh, Crowley, I had dreamed of that moment for longer than I can recall. But I was misguided. I thought you were- "Aziraphale swallowed hard, pressing his eyes closed for a second. "T-tempting me", he pressed out, the word burning with shame in his throat.

It was like this beautiful thing I had been dreaming of had been turned into a weapon against me and I couldn't-

"I couldn't help but feel like you were using it to make me stay when I believed Heaven needed me and- then I said those...awful words to you, and I know I cannot take them back, but you must know that it nearly broke me to part from you like that."

~oOo~

Crowley felt sick as he heard Aziraphale utter that word.

The angel had really thought he'd take this beautiful thing he had been dreaming of for so long and use it as a temptation against him? Nothing but a wicked strategy to force him to break his promise to Heaven? 

I thought you were tempting me, it echoed in his ears. Using it to make me stay.

"But I was wrong", Aziraphale said now, pressing his lips together guiltily. "I should have known better, I should have known you would never- I-I just..."

The angel sighed sadly, lightly shaking his head.

"I have no excuse", he said, "other than that the Metatron told me everything I had always wanted to hear, promised me everything I had been craving, and I was weak and stupid enough to believe it. I believed it because I wanted to believe it, because I wanted it to be true."

And yes, Crowley had known that. He had known how much the angel still tried to hold onto his faith, clung to every tiny bit of goodness associated with Upstairs.

He couldn't even fault him for it, not really. He had always considered it one of Aziraphale's greatest strengths, how much he sought to find the goodness in every aspect of life. 

And Aziraphale had been forced to see in black and white, Crowley knew that, too. It wasn't his fault. It was rather something that had been done to him. Learning to find his way into their world of shades of grey - it wasn't easy, not after you had been told those colours didn't exist.

And yet, having the only creature you ever considered something even merely resembling a friend (aka the love of your life) repeatedly reminding you that you were less and unworthy...it hurt. It was bloody damn painful and Crowley wouldn't pretend otherwise.

"I was foolish", the angel went on, breathing heavily. "Nothing but a foolish, silly angel, deceived by my own pride and I cannot make up for it, I know I can't. But my dearest-"

Crowley's heart gave a powerful skip, almost painful in its intensity.

"Aziraphale-"

"Please don't tell me not to call you that", the angel broke him off, eyes open and vulnerable. "It's what you are, what you always have been", he insisted, stealing the breath from Crowley's lungs and the protest from Crowley's lips. "It's not like there has ever been anybody dearer to me, nor will there ever be. No matter if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, that will never change. I will love you from afar", Aziraphale said with a sad smile on his face, "if that's what you want. But love you, I will."

And Crowley couldn't breathe. He couldn't fucking breathe. 

His walls were crumbling, he could feel it. And maybe it was stupid, maybe it was reckless, but his heart was a desperate, hungry traitor - eating up the angel's words like the starved little thing it was. 

"You truly are the single most extraordinary being I have ever known", Aziraphale went on, still smiling like that, like he meant it, like Crowley was the best damn thing he'd ever laid eyes on- 

And Crowley didn't know what to do with any of that, had never thought something alike could be directed his way- And everything inside him was crying out to believe him, was opening back up to take everything in Aziraphale was offering him- And it would have been so much wiser to hold onto his anger, to hide behind his bitterness - but when it came to Aziraphale, Crowley had always been weak, had always been too ready to jump as soon as he called, even knowing the landing would leave his bones in shattered splinters.  

He could only stand by and watch as his guard was swept away in the wind of Aziraphale's words, painfully aware that this would either break his heart or bring it back to life.

"I'll never know what I did to gain your affection." Aziraphale chuckled lightly, a gorgeous sound of utter disbelief and awe. "I know I don't deserve it, not through all my shortcomings, but for some reason...in your boundless kindness and generosity, you have decided to bestow it on me regardless. For all these years, you-" 

Aziraphale closed his eyes with a smile, a single tear trailing down his cheek, and Crowley was sure his heart stopped beating altogether right then and there. 

"You have been my heaven, Crowley."

~oOo~

It was so incredibly freeing.

Of all the times he had imagined telling Crowley everything his heart had been holding captive for so long, Aziraphale had never anticipated just quite how liberating it would actually be. 

The words flowed freely now, and he was glad for it, let them seep from his soul and spill from his tongue, colouring the air between them like ink hitting a blank page.

"You have been my heaven, Crowley." 

And wasn't that quite the thought? All he'd been looking for, all he'd yearned for Heaven to be, all he'd desired Heaven to be so he could be happy there - he'd found it all right here, on Earth, in his demon's gentle heart and smiling eyes. 

"And if you'll allow me-" Aziraphale swallowed, exhaling a shaky breath. "If you let me try, I will devote my every waking moment to making sure that from now on, I earn every second of precious time you choose to give me."

Silence settled between them. Aziraphale felt a tear dripping from his cheek and hitting the floor between his feet, but he didn't care to wipe the dampness away, couldn't bring himself to take his eyes off the demon's face for even a second. 

Crowley had been quiet through most of Aziraphale's little speech, and the angel had thought it a good sign, a good thing that he wasn't trying to interrupt him, but now his continuous silence began to be quite troubling. 

Surely, a declaration like this demanded a response, any kind of response-

"Crowley?" Aziraphale swallowed, taking a cautious step forward.

Please, say something...

The demon's eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted as he simply stared at Aziraphale. 

Perhaps he- Aziraphale's heart grew heavy. 

Perhaps he didn't know what to tell him because he hadn't wanted to hear any of the things Aziraphale had just said. Perhaps he was trying to figure out how to let him know that none of it mattered, that he was too late. 

He was always too late, wasn't he? Always too slow. 

Perhaps Aziraphale had just made an utter fool of himself-

He pressed his lips together as he felt the dread slowly sinking in, settling deep in his bones as he looked at the stiff figure of the demon.

"Crowley?", he said again, more insistently - and finally, Crowley's mouth twitched, his eyes blinking rapidly a few times as he seemed to come back to himself. 

Aziraphale stood with bated breath, his heart pounding as Crowley opened his mouth.

"I-I-" The demon broke off, visibly ringing for words. "I...A-Aziraphale..."

He trailed off, looking at him helplessly, and Aziraphale understood it as the rejection it clearly had to be. The painful realisation hit him with all its might, and it was all he could do not to let it swipe him off his feet. He should have known, should have seen it coming, should have been prepared- 

But he wasn't.

"I-I see." He swallowed hard as his throat closed up, sucking in a harsh breath through his nose. "It's alright. I-I've lost it, haven't I?"

I've lost your affection. Missed my chance.

Aziraphale nodded to himself, tried to smile through the tears shooting into his eyes and clouding his vision.

"I understand", he muttered. "I'll leave you to it, then, I-Y-Yes."

Was this how Crowley had felt, after? His whole body seemed to weigh him down, an overwhelming sense of emptiness spreading inside him. But it was fine. He deserved it. He deserved it all. 

For a moment, Crowley looked like perhaps...he was going to say something, but Aziraphale just lifted a hand to stop him, smiling sadly.

"Please, don't say anything." He tried to breathe, even though it felt like every breath burned in his lungs. Just keep breathing. "You don't have to explain yourself. I wouldn't want-"

I wouldn't want me either.

He exhaled shakily, willing his body to turn away from the demon he yearned for with every fibre of his being, wondering if this was the last time he'd ever get to see him. 

At least he'd said what he'd come here to say. At least Crowley knew now.

Even if it didn't mean anything.

Even if it didn't change anything.

Even if it didn't matter.

"Angel-"

Aziraphale whirled around like the pathetic fool he was.

"Yes?"

Crowley hesitated, lifted a hand as if he was reaching-

"Wait", the demon said then. "D-Don't-"

Aziraphale stood frozen, stared with wide eyes as Crowley took a slow step towards him, then another, closing the distance between them. The demon's lips were slightly parted, his expression an unreadable turmoil as he slowly lifted his hand to Aziraphale's face.

The angel didn't dare move, didn't dare even breathe for fear it would shatter the moment around them. His eyes fluttered closed as Crowley's trembling fingertips brushed his cheek, a fleeting touch, delicate as the beat of a feathered wing.

Then, warm fingers cupped his cheek, a thumb stroking over his skin to wipe his tears away, and Aziraphale couldn't stand it any longer.

He released the breath he'd been holding and opened his eyes, meeting the open stare of gold right in front of him.

"C-Crowley?"

Instead of answering, the demon sighed deeply, a sound so heavy it seemed to have been millennia in the making, and maybe it was. Crowley's eyes closed, his body leaning forward to touch his forehead against Aziraphale's.

A sob clawed its way out of the angel's throat, forceful and raw.

"M-My darling", Aziraphale breathed in the air between them, watching as Crowley's face contorted into something almost pained. "Oh, my love, can you forgive me?"

He didn't try to stop the tears streaming down his face, didn't try to quieten the sobs wracking his body in violent waves. 

"Please. Please, forgive me", he begged, like they were the only words he still knew how to speak. "Crowley. I was blind. I've been so blind, oh please, I-"

"Shhh", Crowley soothed, his other hand coming up to frame Aziraphale's face, holding him as the demon pressed their foreheads together. 

He couldn't believe it, couldn't comprehend the tender touch of Crowley's hands, the gentle smile forming on the demon's lips. He'd thought he was too late, he'd though- 

"Forgive me, Crowley." His hands had found Crowley's back, stroking over his shoulder blade just as they had done during their kiss- then fisting in his shirt, clinging to him desperately. "Forgive me, please- forgive me-"

"Angel." Crowley shook his head against Aziraphale's where their foreheads were connected, and Aziraphale would have sobbed with relief at how perfect that name sounded on Crowley's tongue if he hadn't been crying already. 

"Angel", Crowley said again, "please, don't."

"Forgive me...", Aziraphale gasped out, melting into the warm arms that were wrapping around him, pulling him gently against the warmth of the demon's chest.

"It's okay." Crowley's voice was so soft and soothing in his ear. "It's okay. Angel. I love you, it's okay."

But Aziraphale shook his head. The tears were drying, the sobs subsiding, but he wasn't done here. It wasn't enough. He needed the words, he needed-

"Please", he breathed, and of course, Crowley understood.

"I forgive you", Crowley said then, gentle and earnest.

Like the gift it was supposed to be.

Not the weapon Aziraphale had made it.

"I love you." Aziraphale pulled back, his vision focusing on Crowley's face, his yellow eyes wide and open. 

"I love you." He couldn't say it often enough. 

"Crowley, listen to me." His fingers flexed instinctively as he tightened his hold on the demon's shirt, looking at Crowley intensely, speaking every syllable with the confidence and vigour it deserved. 

"You are...everything to me."

Chapter Text

"You are everything to me", Aziraphale said.

And Crowley smiled, smiled at him, and it was the most beautiful sight Aziraphale had ever laid eyes on. Nebulas being born at the dawn of time, rainforests sprouting from the ground in lush greens on the Third Day, stars sparkling in the night sky over shimmering ocean waves in Greece, even the rustling yellowed pages of innumerable books in the library of Alexandria - none of it could hold a candle to Crowley's smile.

"You mean that?", the demon said, his voice still guarded but so hopeful-

"Oh-" Aziraphale smiled back, blinking the remnants of tears from his eyes. "With all my heart. My love..." He dared to lift a hand, fingers trembling ever so slightly as he allowed them to trail over the little snake tattoo next to Crowley's right ear. "My dearest, darling demon-"

"A-Angel-" 

Crowley's eyes fluttered shut, his breath shaky as he exhaled. 

"Tell me this is real", he breathed then, like a secret whisper between them, like the world might shatter around them if he spoke the words too loud. "Tell me I'm not dreaming, angel-"

"If this is a dream", Aziraphale said, "I can see why you are so fond of sleeping."

Crowley chuckled breathlessly, and it was such a beautiful sound, such a beautiful sound-

"I thought I'd lost you", Crowley said.

"So did I", said Aziraphale.

"Don't ever leave me again, angel. You gotta promise me."

"I promise. Never again."

"I wouldn't survive it if you did."

Aziraphale could feel a smile spreading on his face, the utter awe and disbelief over this moment rushing through him as he shook his head to himself.

"I'm sorry, I know I really shouldn't be smiling about that, but..." He stared into the wide gold of Crowley's eyes, finding his own emotion reflected in them. "I just never dared hope I might be this important to you."

"Angel." Oh, how he had always loved it when Crowley called him that. It had always sounded so special when Crowley said it, and right now, that one tiny word held so much meaning, everything they both felt and didn't know how to express, an understanding that they were caught in this feeling together. 

"My dear, I-" I want to kiss you. I want to hold you and never let you go again. I want to bare my heart before you so you may know all the things my mind doesn't know how to say. 

Crowley's eyes were so big and shimmering with unshed tears, watching him so intensely, so focused, like he was hanging on every word from Aziraphale's lips, like Aziraphale was the most important thing in the world and-

Now you hang from my lips like the Gardens of Babylon. 

God, he wanted to kiss him so badly. 

The desire was sudden and fervent, consuming his whole being as soon as it popped up. 

Would Crowley let him? Would he want him to? 

Was it too soon? Was the memory of their first time still too fresh, too tainted?

Aziraphale swallowed hard.

"C-Can I-" He took a deep breath. "Dearest, tell me if it's too soon, but-"

"Do it", Crowley broke him off. "Whatever you want. 'M yours." 

Aziraphale felt a shudder run down his spine at those words, knew they'd be branded onto his soul for eternity now. 

Mine. 

What a thought.

What an impossible, improbable, incredible, absolutely and utterly magnificent, marvellous, miraculous thought. 

"That's..." Aziraphale trailed off. He didn't have words. He just didn't have words. 

"I don't want...well. To go too fast for you, as it were." Aziraphale shrugged his shoulders with a shy, apologetic smile. "If you need more time to learn and trust me again-"

"Angel." Crowley lifted an eyebrow, a smile on his lips. "I think six thousand years have been plenty of time, don't you think?"

"Yes." Too much time. Because I was too slow. "Of course, but-"

"You don't wanna rush me", Crowley said, nodding in understanding, "I get it. But I'm fine. You're here now. I'm fine."

"Are you-"

"Sure?" Crowley smiled at him encouragingly. "Sure as ever."

And Aziraphale didn't know how that was possible, after what he'd put Crowley through, but as he looked at him, he found the truthfulness of his words reflected on his face and, frankly, he was far too much of a selfishly indulgent angel to question anything right now, in the face of the demon's eyes sparkling at him with this much love. 

"Well then, do you think..." His hand trembled slightly, so he reached out and took the demon's, playing with his fingers to distract himself. "Do you think that perhaps...um. We could try that kiss again?"

"You-" Crowley's hand tensed in Aziraphale's, and the demon swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Y-You wanna?"

Aziraphale linked their fingers together.

"Very much so."

He watched as Crowley's eyes flit over his face, darting down to their hands for a split-second before they came back to stare at him. Crowley's mind was working at the speed of light behind those eyes, Aziraphale could tell, but he just smiled, waiting patiently. 

They had all the time in the world, after all. 

"'Kay", Crowley finally breathed, causing a bright smile to curl the corners of Aziraphale's mouth. "Yeah, guess we could..."

The demon's eyes flicked down to the angel's mouth, his tongue darting out to wet his own lips, and Aziraphale was hit with a wave of longing so strong he could barely hold himself back from leaning in and closing the cursed distance between them.

This wasn't his call to make, though, he knew. He wanted it to be right, this time...needed it to be right - for Crowley, for them. 

"Crowley." He put as much love and affection as he could into the name, pulling the demon just the tiniest bit closer. He smiled. "Would you please kiss me, my dear?", he said then, and oh- Crowley's slitted pupils blew wider, his lips parting-

"Yeah", the demon breathed, such reverence in that simple word, and Aziraphale hardly had any time to dwell on that before Crowley's lips were on his, soft and gentle and everything he had ever wanted. 

The sound that escaped him was one of deep-rooted contentment, his eyes fluttering shut as he drowned in the sensation of Crowley's mouth moving slowly against his own. Their hands separated, but only so he could wrap his arms around the demon instead, pulling him impossibly closer, hands stroking down his back with all the tenderness in his heart - just as he'd wanted but couldn't allow himself to do back then. Now, Aziraphale gave easily into every desire he'd had, he could feel his whole body melting against Crowley's, moulding together like two perfectly aligned puzzle pieces - and wasn't that just right? 

Wasn't that just what they were, what they always had been? Two sides of the same coin, conflicting only so they could complement each other, complete each other. 

One of Crowley's hands travelled down his back, following the curve of his spine, and Aziraphale sighed into the space between them, the sound swallowed by Crowley's eager mouth. He cupped the side of Crowley's neck in his palm, his thumb tracing the demon's jaw, and Aziraphale wanted to press his mouth to that jawline too, wanted to learn its shape with his lips, wanted to feel its sharp edge with the tip of his tongue- 

Crowley's hand flexed where it lay on Aziraphale's shoulder, fingers digging through the layers of his clothing and oh- he wanted them to dig so deep they left bruises, wanted to be marked all over by the physical proof that this magnificent creature loved him- 

And Crowley's lips were still moving so carefully against his, their touch so soft, his hands so reverent, and he wanted that, too, he wanted- 

Aziraphale wanted it all. Anything, everything Crowley had to give.

He just wanted Crowley.

The seal of their lips finally broke, both pulling back slowly as they breathed in the space they created, eyes locking as they hovered just far enough away to see the other's face.

Crowley looked just as dazed as Aziraphale felt, panting harder than such a chaste kiss should warrant, but the angel understood perfectly as he sought to slow his own racing heartbeat.

"That..." Crowley took a deep breath, lips slightly parted, lips that were red and glistening because Aziraphale had made them so. 

"That wasss...", Crowley tried again, a little hiss escaping him, and yes, Aziraphale decided right then and there, that was absolutely adorable. 

"Wonderful", he finished Crowley's sentence, unable to stop smiling. 

"Yeah", the demon agreed, taking Aziraphale's hand again, and if something in his chest skipped a little beat at that - well, that was between Aziraphale's heart and himself. 

Crowley looked down at their joined hands, watching as he let his thumb trace over Aziraphale's knuckles. 

He swallowed. 

"That should've been our first kiss", he said then, and Aziraphale felt a weight dropping in his stomach as the demon's eyes travelled back up to his, guilt and regret sweeping him away in their powerful current, because he knew it was all his fault their first kiss hadn't been what either of them wanted. 

Because yes, Crowley had been the one to kiss him in the first place, hard and forceful thing that it was. But Aziraphale had been the one to turn it into something dark and foul, instead of the desperate, heartfelt declaration of real and raw emotion it had been meant to be. 

He could feel his smile falling, his fingers winding out of Crowley's grip as he pulled his hand back. 

"Crowley..."

"Nono." Crowley shook his head, cupping Aziraphale's face in both hands so he couldn't look away. "I'm not sayin' that to make you feel guilty, angel. I just meant that..." The corner of his mouth twitched in a tiny shy smile. "That's what I always wanted it to be like", he explained. "That's how I imagined it...when I imagined it...y'know."

~oOo~

"Oh." A relieved breath of realization left the angel's lungs, and Crowley felt himself relaxing as a small smile returned to Aziraphale's lips. 

"You...ah." The angel's brow lifted curiously. "Imagined it, then? Sometimes?"

Satan, angel. You have no idea.

Crowley's eyes lowered to his feet, a hand coming up to rub his neck as he felt the treacherous heat of a blush creep up to his ears. God. He really was a pathetic mess when it came to this angel, and he couldn't even regret it for a single second.

"Ehhh." Crowley bit his bottom lip to stifle his embarrassment. "More times than I should probably admit to, honestly."

"That would make two of us then, dear."

Crowley's eyes shot up to find the angel smiling at him openly, just the hint of rosy colour tinting his cheeks, and he wanted to kiss them, he wanted to-

"Oh, yeah?", he said, like the idiot he was, but Aziraphale just nodded.

"Of course", he confirmed. "More times than I can recall."

And right there, with Aziraphale standing in front of him, lips still slightly swollen from their second (perfect) kiss, cheeks painted with the faintest hint of a blush, smiling at him - it hit Crowley that this was actually real. Aziraphale was back, had come back for him, come back to him, had chosen him over Heaven- 

Because Aziraphale loved him back. 

Aziraphale loved him back, wanted Crowley to kiss him, had imagined how it would be for Crowley to kiss him, and it was all so much and he wanted so much more and-

Crowley released a shaky breath, allowing the realisation to set in. 

Aziraphale was here, and he would be damned (again) if he ever let him go (again).

"A-Angel, I..."

He wasn't even sure what he meant to say. 

I love you.

I want you with me, always. 

I need you to stay. 

I can't believe you're here. 

I can't live without you.

I want to give you everything. 

I need to feel that you're real. 

I love you, I love you, I love you.

His eyes watered so suddenly he couldn't stop a tear from escaping, rolling down his cheek unbidden, dripping onto the floor between them. 

"Fuck", he cursed, blinking furiously to get rid of any other treacherous wetness. "Sorry. 's just..."

"I know", Aziraphale broke him off, his hand coming up to wipe the damp trail from Crowley's cheek, and Crowley reacted on autopilot, grabbing his wrist before he could withdraw, his eyes pointedly holding Aziraphale's gaze as he turned his head and pressed his lips to the angel's open palm. 

~oOo~

Aziraphale's breath hitched as Crowley's mouth grazed his skin, and all he could do was stare wide-eyed as the demon released his wrist, allowing Aziraphale to pull his hand back in a slow, deliberate movement. 

He blinked, needing to gather himself, and it almost looked like Crowley was fighting to suppress a pleased smirk, but perhaps that was just his imagination playing tricks on him. 

Aziraphale cleared his throat. 

"Would you mind...I-I mean", he said then, swallowing hard. "If you'd rather not, I understand completely. I'm sure you must be rather looking forward to enjoying the comfort of your own home again, by yourself, that is..."

"Aziraphale?"

He tried not to look too hopeful when he met Crowley's eyes. He really did try.

"Yes, dear?"

"What is it you wanna ask me?"

"Oh...uhm." Dear Lord, why was this so hard to ask? It wasn't like he hadn't just declared his undying love for the demon before him, surely, asking said demon if he'd be allowed to stay over wasn't that big of a deal, wouldn't even be the first time he stayed here, there had been that night before they switched bodies, after all, and-

"I just wanted...wanted to ask- i-if you'd mind it terribly if I stayed?" 

There. That could have been done more gracefully, but he'd take it.

"Here, I mean", Aziraphale clarified quite unnecessarily. "For the night. N-No ulterior motive, naturally!", he hurried to add, completely and utterly withholding the fact that he would have absolutely no complaints if Crowley...well, was to initiate...something of the sort.

"I just meant to ask because- you see..." Aziraphale clasped his hands together in front of himself. "I feel rather disquieted at the thought of being parted from you so soon after...it all went down, as it were. I must admit that having to let you out of my sight at the moment fills me with quite some discomfort. So I just thought-" He shrugged his shoulders, attempted a smile. "Perhaps...if you wouldn't mind... But please, feel free to decline, you really mustn't, I'm just being silly, really, I-"

"Aziraphale."

"O-Or you could", he kept babbling. "Come stay at mine, that is. If you'd rather-this space has always been...your private quarters, rather, and I- I mean, and if it's not too much trouble, of course."

"Angel." 

"Though Muriel might still be there I suppose, but I'm sure that could be sorted-"

"Angel!"

"Hm?"

Aziraphale's eyes flit up to find Crowley smiling at him, his expression calm and...dare he say it, pleased.

"I wouldn't mind", Crowley said. "If you stayed. Wouldn't mind at all."

A weight fell from Aziraphale's shoulders, much heavier than he'd even realised it to be before it was gone.

"Oh, really?" He gave the demon a brilliant smile. "Well, that's a relief."

"Yeah, I mean..." Crowley shrugged, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly. "Truth is, I don't really like the thought of letting you go so soon either, so...yeah."

"Oh." Aziraphale felt himself blushing, his eyes flitting down to his fidgeting hands for a moment. "Well. Jolly good, then."

Could he dare ask more? Could he allow himself to hope Crowley might...

"I-I know you enjoy sleeping", Aziraphale said, "I could- I mean. I can take the couch, perhaps. Be out of your way, but still close enough to-" To feel your presence, to know you're there, to ease my mind. "It would be no trouble."

Except that he'd be awake all night, aching with the longing to be closer, wondering how it would feel to have Crowley next to him, to be allowed to watch him in his sleep, to feel his warmth, maybe to hold him, even-

"Don't be daft, angel." 

Aziraphale was startled from his thoughts, staring at the demon in surprise. 

"No, wait. Actually. Lemme rephrase that." Crowley cleared his throat. "Sorry, I meant...of course, if you'd prefer that, that's...fine, yeah. I just meant-"

Crowley looked up at the ceiling, flexing his hands, long fingers stretching and curling.

"I...do own a proper bed, though, obviously", the demon said, pressing his lips together. "And, if you wanted to, that is, I...ah." His eyes flit to the side, then back to Aziraphale. "I'd be happy to offer you a place there as well, is all I'm sayin'. If you'd like. So...yeah. That."

Crowley glanced at him hesitantly, visibly nervous, and oh, what a wonderful revelation that was to find the demon just as ridiculously in his head about this as Aziraphale had scolded himself for being. 

"Are you sure?", Aziraphale asked, because he had to ask, even though everything in him was screaming to accept the offer and pull Crowley along to his bedroom right on the spot. "I wouldn't want to intrude-"

"Sssure." That little hiss again. Aziraphale was becoming quite fond of that already. 

"I'm sure, yeah", Crowley said, and Aziraphale couldn't hide his delight any longer. 

"Oh, well then." He aimed for nonchalance, missed by about a mile since he couldn't dim the giddy smile on his face. "If it really is no trouble, my dear, I would like that. Very much", he added, watching as the demon finally relaxed, giving him a smile in return.

"Great." Crowley held out his hand. "Come on, then."

Chapter Text

"Come on."

Aziraphale reached out hesitantly and took Crowley's offered hand, his stomach doing giddy flips of nervous anticipation as the demon pulled him along down the dim corridor of his flat. 

The angel wasn't quite certain what to expect from the night's development, all he knew was that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else but on his way to Crowley's bedroom to spend the night beside him, and that he absolutely couldn't afford to mess this up, whatever it was that would come of this. 

They passed a room with gorgeous houseplants, all lush and green and even bigger than Aziraphale remembered from his last visit here, and Crowley seemed to startle violently at their sight, stopping dead in his tracks. 

"Are you alright, dear boy?"

Aziraphale looked at the demon in concern, but Crowley lightly shook his head, blinking a few times before he relaxed.

"Fine, angel." He squeezed Aziraphale's hand reassuringly. "Was just taken aback for a second. Had this dream, y'know, doesn't matter now. Plants were gone, there. Just forgot that wasn't actually real, is all. "

"Your plants were...gone?"

"Died", Crowley said, shrugging his shoulders, but something in his voice caught the angel's attention and made his brow furrow in worry. 

That dream Crowley had...the demon loved those plants, would never allow them to carry even a single leaf spot, let alone have them wither away completely - whatever that dream had been about, it couldn't have been anything good.

"Crowley..."

"Aziraphale." Crowley turned to him, lightly shaking his head. "I know that tone. Know what you're thinking, but please, not right now. I can't-" He broke off, swallowed hard. "Maybe I'll tell you, one day. But just...not right now, alright?"

"Alright." Aziraphale nodded in understanding. He probably wouldn't let this go, but he could see how this might not be the time to put salt in whatever wound this might reopen. "Whenever you're ready", he said instead. "If you'd want to share, I'll be here."

Crowley gave him a grateful smile, tugging on his hand to lead him on.

"There we are." Crowley pushed a door open, letting go of Aziraphale's hand to gesture for him to enter instead. "I hope it's alright, I can change it, if you like-"

"Oh no, please don't go through any troubles for me." Aziraphale smiled shyly as he stepped cautiously through the doorframe. "I'm sure I shall like it perfectly fine just the way you usually keep it."

The last thing Aziraphale wanted was for Crowley to feel like he needed to change anything about himself to appeal to him. He knew Crowley had gone out of his way for thousands of years to please him, had bent himself backwards to make him happy. It was just like Crowley to be thoughtful and selfless like that - the least he could do was try to show him that Aziraphale loved him just the way he was, even if bedroom decor was quite a poor way to go about it. 

But it may be a start, and Aziraphale could use all the opportunities he could get. He wanted to learn who Crowley was when he was alone, how he looked when he slept and if he used a miracle to make his bed in the morning, if he was even grumpier before his first coffee and how he dressed when he wanted to be comfortable instead of devilishly (demonishly?) fancy. He wanted to learn everything there was to know that he hadn't had the pleasure of witnessing before, and the way he chose to keep his home was only one of many things he looked forward to exploring. 

The light flickered on as Crowley stepped in behind him, revealing a wide bedframe - easily big enough for two, Aziraphale noticed without any particular reason at all, thank you very much - covered in luxurious-looking black silk sheets. They were rumpled and in disarray, like the blanket had been kicked off in a haste, a body rolling around restlessly on the mattress.

Crowley hurried past him to smooth out the folds in the fabric with his hands, clumsily tugging the blanket back into place.

"S-Sssorry." Aziraphale could see how he bit his tongue to stifle the hiss. "Don't usually-", he stammered awkwardly, "just not a great day, y'know. Lemme just-"

"Crowley." 

Aziraphale put a hand on the demon's arm, noticing how his hands were shaking slightly where they'd paused in the middle of their task, his skin pale against the dark fabric of the bedding. 

"Are you sure you're alright with this?", Aziraphale asked, his voice calm but concerned.

"Yeah, why do you ask?"

"It's just that you seem terribly tense." The angel let his hand glide down Crowley's arm, catching one of his trembling hands and pulling it up to cover it with both of his own. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable", he said, "if this is too-"

"It's not", Crowley broke him off, words pressed out hastily. "You're not."

He released a slow breath, his shoulders relaxing and slumping slightly as he turned his hand to link his fingers with Aziraphale's.

"'M just a bit nervous", Crowley said then, eyes lowering to the ground. "I dunno how to do...any of this. But I want you here, okay?", he added, his gaze finding the angel's again. "I do."

"Alright." Aziraphale smiled what he hoped was an encouraging smile. "I trust you. And I don't know what I'm doing either, dearest." He let his thumb skip out to stroke soothingly over Crowley's knuckles, noticing in delight how it made the demon's breath hitch ever so slightly. "We'll just have to figure it out together, hm?"

"Y-Yeah..." Crowley stared down at their hands for a long moment, seemingly lost in the movement of Aziraphale's fingers caressing his skin - then he blinked rapidly, taking a step back and pulling his hand away from the angel so suddenly Aziraphale needed a second to register what had happened.

Crowley cleared his throat, pointedly not looking at Aziraphale's hand where the angel was flexing his fingers at the loss of Crowley's slotted between them. 

"Alrighty. You can..." Crowley rubbed his hands together before he gestured vaguely towards the mattress. "Just..."

"Right." Aziraphale clasped his hands together instead, unsure what else to do with them now that they weren't occupied holding onto Crowley's anymore. Silly him, they had been holding hands a whole of what? Three times? And he already felt it like he was missing a limb. 

"Do you have a preferred side, dear boy?", he asked the demon, not wanting to disrupt Crowley's usual sleeping habits. 

"S-Sssside?" 

Crowley stared at him with wide, slightly panicked eyes, and maybe Aziraphale shouldn't find that endearing, but there he was.

"Of the bed", he said matter of factly, smiling calmly as he gestured towards said bed. "A side you favour while sleeping?"

"I dunno, guess I usually just...." Crowley waved non-comittally across the matress. "All over, y'know. Never had any reason to...have a side...before."

"Well." Aziraphale smiled to himself at the mental picture of a sleeping Crowley, long limbs strewn across the silky sheets in all directions like a star fish, bent in ways human appendages were probably not supposed to as he snored peacefully. It was impossibly adorable for some reason.  

"I suppose not", he went on, giving the demon a bright smile. "Would you like to pick one now, then? I'm sure we'll have to establish one in the near future-" He broke off, his eyes widening in shock as he realized the implication of that statement. "T-that is-", the angel stuttered, "oh, I'm terribly sorry, that was incredibly forward of me, I didn't mean to assume-"

"Yeah", Crowley broke him off, and good thing that he did, or Aziraphale might have been on the way of talking himself into a stupor there. 

The demon swallowed thickly. 

"Nah, you're right. Guess we'll need a side now."

"Ah." A relieved, giddy smile spread on the angel's face. "Go ahead, then."

He watched as Crowley walked around the bed, gesturing to the side Aziraphale wasn't standing next to.

"This one's fine."

"Very well."

~oOo~

Crowley watched as Aziraphale gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed, his nerves returning with a vengeance and making his stomach cramp up uncomfortably. He ignored it, mesmerized by the sight of the angel as he let a hand glide over the soft silk sheets.

The sheets Crowley had slept in.

On Crowley's bed.

There was an angel. His angel. Sitting on his bed.

Fuck-

"I'm sure you must be quite exhausted after today's...uh, hustle and bustle", Aziraphale said, his attention snapping back up to the angel in question. Still sitting there on his bed like it was the most natural thing in the world, like he belonged there and oh Lor- Satan- Anyone-

"Nah", Crowley pressed out. Sleep was the last fucking thing on his mind right now. "Still pretty hyped up, actually."

"Are you certain?" 

Aziraphale shifted, the mattress dipping under his weight and oh shit, now he imagined his bed getting used to the angel's body the same way it had to Crowley's, how it would be for Aziraphale to be here enough for the mattress to remember him, to know his form and adapt just so his angel would lie precisely right and be perfectly comfortable- the ridiculous idea of an Aziraphale-shaped indentation permanently etched into his bed the same way it was permanently etched into his heart- 

"Because I wouldn't mind it if you wanted to-", Aziraphale's voice broke through to him, and yes, right, he had things to say, answers to give. Focus, Crowley, for fuck's sake-

"Do you wanna get me to sleep or something?" He sat down on the other side of the bed like it was a perfectly normal thing to do to sit on the same bed as Aziraphale, his movement smooth and fluid enough to hopefully appear unbothered. "Tired of my company already, angel?"

"Oh, quite the opposite." Aziraphale gave him a shy smile that did decidedly undemonic things to Crowley's insides. "I do not think I could ever tire of you, dearest. I simply meant to offer, in case you were holding out on it for my sake. And I do know how much you enjoy a good nap."

I do not think I could ever tire of you, it rang in Crowley's ears. 

He swallowed. 

"I've been known to nap, yeah", he said, just so he'd have anything to say. "Not right now, tough. If that's okay. I'd rather just...y'know." He shrugged, his eyes flitting over his sheets before meeting the angel's again. "Be here", he croaked out. In my bed. "W-With you."

And Aziraphale gave him one of those brilliant smiles that could light up a whole room. Fucking Hell that angel would be the death of him. 

"That sounds simply wonderful, my dear."

"Ngk."

"These are..." Aziraphale let a hand glide over the silk sheets, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers. "...an interesting choice", the angel said then, looking at Crowley with raised eyebrows.

"You don't like it?"

"I didn't mean that." The angel scooted further up the bed as if to underline his words, settling with his back leaned against the headboard (shoes miraculously and perfectly neatly placed next to the door, of course). "Just seems a bit...slippery."

There was a sparkle of amusement in the angel's eyes, and Crowley could feel the corner of his own mouth twitching as he went to mirror Aziraphale's position on the bed.

"Slippery's kinda a snake's thing, angel", he smirked before he could think better of it, watching to his great delight how the angel's cheeks blushed an adorable pink colour. 

"Oh." Aziraphale lowered his eyes to his hands folded in his lap. "Yes. Quite."

"Actually does feel nice, silk. Against the scales, y'know."

Shit, he hadn't meant to say that. Don't bring up the snake, you complete idiot!

"Ah." Aziraphale turned further towards him with a kind smile. "Do you sleep in your snake form often, then?"

Crowley's shoulders tensed slightly. It wasn't like Aziraphale didn't know he was a snake, or wasn't aware he could change bodies as he pleased...but the angel hadn't actually seen him in his snake form since, well, that first time on the wall of Eden. And Crowley liked to keep it as such, he doubted Aziraphale would like to be reminded of Crowley's more demonic traits.  

"Not that much", he said slightly evasively. "Sometimes though. Does that...bother you?"

"Not at all." Aziraphale shook his head without hesitation, and he sounded sincere, but... 

"Why would it?", the angel asked, as if the question hadn't even occurred to him, and yeah, Crowley wouldn't get into any of that right now if he didn't have to, thank you very much.

"No reason", he brushed it off, as if it hadn't been weighing on his mind since forever. Instead, he let an amused smirk curl the corner of his mouth as he looked over at Aziraphale. 

"Bet yours are cotton tartan bedsheets, eh?", he asked, smiling brighter as the angel shook his head to himself with a mirroring smile. 

"Wouldn't you like to know?", Aziraphale said teasingly, biting his lip when Crowley raised his brows.

"Well, maybe I would."

"Well, maybe you shall."

Crowley opened his mouth for a sly remark, just then realizing how terribly fucking flirty this was, any further words suddenly stuck in his throat. Aziraphale's smile fell as he looked at him, his eyes going wide as he seemed to come to the same conclusion. 

"Oh, dear." The angel averted his gaze, looking through the room instead as he chuckled nervously. "I really am ever so sorry. I couldn't seem to help myself."

"'S fine, angel." Crowley swallowed against his dry throat. "I was playing along same as you."

"And..." Aziraphale turned back to him, his voice cautious but hopeful. "You're alright with that? This...shift between us?"

"Yeah." Crowley took a breath, gathering all his courage as he dared to carefully reach between them, taking the angel's hand and linking their fingers together. He was already getting fucking addicted to the feeling of Aziraphale's hand in his.

"If you are", Crowley said then, and the look of utter happiness on Aziraphale's face would have been answer enough. 

"Oh, my dear." The angel squeezed his fingers, and Crowley's stupid heart did a silly little flip. "More than."

~oOo~

Aziraphale felt his heart beating wildly in the confines of his chest.

He couldn't stop smiling, positively elated as he sat here, on Crowley's bed, with the demon's hand in his. If there had ever been any doubt if he had chosen right when he returned to Crowley, it would have been erased a million times over by this one simple moment.

Crowley smiled at him, pressing his lips together almost coyly as he looked down at their hands - Crowley did that a lot when they held hands, he had noticed - and it was so impossibly endearing, so unbelievably sweet Aziraphale didn't know what to do with himself. 

He had put that look on Crowley's face. He had done that. 

The demon, his demon - and good Lord what a thought - was smiling and staring dreamily at their clasped hands, and then he looked up at Aziraphale, golden eyes on full display for him to see, so beautifully open, vulnerable and unguarded as Aziraphale was sure Crowley had never been with anyone else-

He was absolutely beautiful, there really was no other word for it. Flaming red hair slightly tousled, a single strand threatening to fall into his forehead, his lithe body stretched out on the mattress, black jeans on the black silk, and those eyes, those gorgeous eyes...

Aziraphale stared, aware of the dopey smile on his face, but he couldn't help it.  

Crowley stared right back, so it was fine. 

"What?" Crowley looked at him with a questioningly raised eyebrow.

"Nothing, it's just..." Aziraphale sighed, a sound that surely revealed how terribly smitten he was. But that was fine, too.

Let him know. Let him see what he does to me.

"It's just.." Aziraphale smiled dreamily at the demon. "You're so beautiful, my darling."

Crowley's reaction was instantaneous, his facial features seemingly slipping from his control as his mouth opened in silent shock. A blush crept up from his neck all the way to his ears.

"Demons aren't beautiful", he grumbled, pointedly not looking at Aziraphale. The angel just smiled to himself.

"And yet here you are."

Crowley blushed even more, ears darkening to the point it almost rivalled his hair.

"Shuddup."

"Never."

Crowley looked at him for a long moment, eyes wide and unreadable. Then he broke away, averting his gaze and looking at the ceiling instead with his lips pressed to a tight line.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale leaned over, lightly touching the demon's arm in concern. "Was that too much? I'm so sorry, dear, you need to tell me when I...step over a line, or-"

"Nah, 's not that." Crowley turned back to him, shrugging his shoulders with a tiny smile that eased the angel's worry. "Just...not used to it."

Of course you're not, thought Aziraphale. I never told you. I never dared voice any of the thoughts running through my head whenever you're near.

"Well. You better get used to it now", he said, smiling through the wave of regret darkening his thoughts. It made him bold, made him want to make sure Crowley knew he wouldn't be holding back any longer. "Because I intend to shower you with any praise I please and see fit to bestow on you", the angel proclaimed, "and there are so many things worth praising here..."

"Ngk." Crowley made an unintelligible sound in his throat, but didn't protest, and Aziaphale took that as a win. He just smiled at the overwhelmed demon for a moment before leaning in, brushing the hair from Crowley's forehead.

"You're so beautiful", he said again.

This time, Crowley didn't pull away.

Chapter Text

"You're so beautiful."

This time, Crowley didn't pull away.

He just kept staring into Aziraphale's eyes, the air prickling with tension between them, growing as the seconds ticked by.

They had always been magnetic to him, Crowley's eyes. In their early years, Aziraphale had told himself it was simple curiosity that had him drawn in by their golden stare, later he could admit that it was simply Crowley and his golden heart behind those eyes that had Aziraphale caught in their gravitational pull.

Crowley's eyes had always been extraordinarily expressive, and perhaps that was why the demon preferred to keep them hidden most of the time, even to Aziraphale. The glasses were Crowley's defence as the flaming sword had been Aziraphale's, they were his armour and protection, his security and comfort, like Aziraphale's familiar well-worn waistcoat and welcoming book pages.

A reliable shield against the world to guard his heart.

But there were no glasses now.

Nothing to obscure Aziraphale's view from those eyes and the emotion within them. Something was raging in their depths, something profound and intense, but Aziraphale didn't shy away from it. Quite on the contrary. It made him want to drown in Crowley's eyes, to dive in and be swept away in the current of feelings they were holding. 

He couldn't tear his own eyes away, hardly dared to blink for fear he might miss even the tiniest shift in Crowley's expression. 

Aziraphale felt himself leaning closer, pulled in by that nameless power - and wasn't that just so pretty to think? That all along there was some invisible string, tying them together, their lives connected, paths intertwined like their fingers now resting on the bed between them. 

His gaze finally ripped away from Crowley's for a second only, to glance down at the demon's lips, slightly parted so very invitingly, and the angel was just considering if it would be a terrible reach to lean in and see if Crowley would be amenable to another one of those fabulous kisses, his tongue darting out to wet his own lips - when the demon was suddenly on him with such unexpected fervour that Aziraphale nearly toppled backwards on the bed.

Crowley's mouth was pressing against his, more insistent than their first kiss had been, spiked with a new sort of hunger and desperation, and Aziraphale was indescribably on board with that.

He found his balance, leaning back into the probing of Crowley's mouth against his, hands finding their way around the demon's shoulders and up into his hair. Crowley made a sound like a hissed moan against Aziraphale's lips when he tangled his fingers in the flaming red strands and gave a slight tug, and yes, Aziraphale wanted to hear that again and again for the rest of his life.

Without thinking, he leaned back against the headboard, pulling Crowley along who followed without ever separating the seal of their lips, and suddenly he was sitting with his legs stretched out on the bed, and Crowley was climbing over them, climbing into his lap and oh good Lord- 

Aziraphale's breath hitched at the sensation of Crowley's jeans-clad thighs settling on top of his own, the demon's back arching beautifully against him, long fingers flexing where they were digging into Aziraphale's shoulder, and it was all so much and not nearly enough. 

His hands trembled as he dared to let them settle gently on Crowley's hips, those blessed slinky hips his fingers had itched to grab and hold onto every time Crowley sauntered down the streets of London, swaying them in the most enticing way, and now they were covered by Aziraphale's hands, and Crowley was pressing closer to him and holding onto his back and kissing his lips- 

One of Crowley's hands had found the sensitive spot next to his shoulder blade, fingers clutching his waistcoat and nails biting slightly into his skin just where his wings were hiding on a different plane, and Aziraphale couldn't hold in the little gasp falling from his lips. Crowley took full advantage of his parted lips, his tongue sliding carefully into his mouth and meeting Aziraphale's own in a gentle caress. It was quick and unexpected and everything Aziraphale hadn't known he wanted until then, and he hummed appreciatively against Crowley's lips, chasing the demon's taste as he retreated to break their kiss. 

Aziraphale's eyes fluttered open to meet stormy gold, Crowley's face flushed and panting for breath. His hair was tousled from Aziraphale's fingers running through it, his legs still spread open where he was bracketing Aziraphale's upper thighs, and Aziraphale just had the absolutely thrillingly absurd thought that he looked like he belonged there- when Crowley's eyes suddenly widened in panic, hands clumsily pushing against Aziraphale's chest as he scrambled off his lap and away, almost falling off the side of the bed in his hurry. 

Aziraphale's chest ached at the sight, but he ignored it, worry spreading in his lower abdomen.

"A-Angel." Crowley stared at him like a deer caught in headlights. "Fuck, sorry, didn't ask-"

"Don't apologise." Aziraphale turned further towards him, scooting just a little closer, because he already couldn't stand the sudden distance between them. "You didn't do anything wrong, Crowley. Whatever is the matter, dear? Did I do something to upset you?"

"Wha-?" Crowley's brow furrowed, and he shook his head. "No! Course not, I just-" He waved his hand between them in a vague gesture. "Wasn't thinkin' properly, didn't ask- about any of it, and I don't wanna-" 

He swallowed hard, pressing his eyes closed for a second. 

"Did that once", he pressed out then. "Didn't work out so great."

Crowley lowered his eyes to his hands where they were nervously clutching the sheets, and Aziraphale's heart broke just a little more. 

That first kiss. He's thinking of that first kiss.

"Oh, Crowley." Aziraphale leaned over to put his hand over Crowley's, soothing the tension out of the demon's tightly strung fingers. "My love. This isn't- it's not like that." 

He smiled softly when Crowley looked back up at him. 

"Listen carefully now, will you? You never need to ask", he said, shaking his head lightly when Crowley opened his mouth to protest. "Whatever you want", Aziraphale insisted, "it's yours to take."

And he meant it, wholeheartedly. What was a kiss, what were a few touches, compared to everything Aziraphale wanted to give him? 

Take my kisses, he thought, my touches, my words. Take my whole body, it's nothing but a vessel to carry my love for you. 

Take my heart, and all the adoration inside it. Take my life, my soul, if you want. 

Take anything, everything. 

It's all yours, anyway.

But Crowley squinted his eyes at him, bit his bottom lip.

"Careful there, angel." He pulled his hand from Aziraphale's, holding it protectively against his body as if he didn't trust it to reach out and take without permission. "You don't know what you're promising me."

Aziraphale almost had to laugh at that. Didn't Crowley know there wasn't a single thing the angel would possibly want to deny him if he were to ask for it?

"Whatever you desire", he said, firmly, insistently. "Say the word and it's yours. I mean it. There is nothing I don't want to give you, Crowley."

"Aziraphale-"

"Oh, my darling." He smiled gently at the stunned demon. He scooted over until his leg grazed Crowley's, reaching out to take the demon's hands in his as he pulled them from their guarded position close to Crowley's chest and up to his own lips, pressing gentle kisses to his knuckles. 

"You sweet, silly serpent", Aziraphale smiled. "Do you still not understand that I am completely, irrevocably and...utterly yours?"

Crowley made a sound not unlike a wounded animal, fingers twitching violently against Aziraphale's, and it was like a dam broke behind his eyes just a second before Crowley was diving back in to capture Aziraphale's mouth in a searing kiss.

Aziraphale smiled against the demon's lips, kissing back with everything he had. 

"What do you want, dearest?", he breathed against the corner of Crowley's mouth, peppering little kisses down his jaw, a hint of stubble catching delightfully against his lips.

"I-I want..." Crowley trailed off with a frustrated groan, shaking his head. "No, I can't. This is too fast, goin' too fast again, I-"

Aziraphale shut him up with a kiss, pulling impossibly closer as he let his hands stroke down Crowley's back soothingly, apologetically.

"I should never have said that to you", Aziraphale said, leaning his forehead against Crowley's as he felt his chest tightening with regret. "I was just scared. Foolish. I never thought you'd take my words to heart like you did-"

Never thought I meant enough to you for my words to carry so much weight-

But he should have known better, he should have- 

"Oh my darling", Aziraphale breathed, eyes pressed closed, "forgive me once more, I beg you-"

"Angel-"

"You were never too fast." Aziraphale leaned back just enough to look at his demon, to see the emotion washing over his face. "You have always been so good to me. Much better than I deserved. I was just too terrified to catch up to you." He cupped the side of Crowley's face in his hand, thumb caressing his skin tenderly. "But no more of that from now on, I promise you."

He had been so blind all that time, so set in his ways, ways Heaven had imprinted in him. Had always felt the need to guard himself from getting too close when it came to Crowley, because Crowley was supposed to be his enemy, was supposed to be vile and misleading in his designation as the origin of all temptation. 

In his heart, Aziraphale had always known better, of course, but this little voice in his head kept reminding him that Crowley had been cast out for a reason.

Now, Aziraphale knew for a fact that Crowley hadn't fallen because he was evil or even just because he had been misguided...perhaps he was the only angel to have fallen simply because he was too good. Too caring, too honest, too loving for any of them to understand. 

And for some unfathomable reason, Aziraphale had come to be the most centric object of all that love and care, and if he had been a better angel himself, he should have known how to recognize it, should have known sooner to see and accept it as the priceless gift it was. 

Instead, it had taken a demon of Hell to tear his chest open and offer his scarred, bleeding heart on a silver platter, and the angel who was supposed to be a being of love had averted his eyes in horror, acting like this purest of all expressions of love was a sin to be forgiven. 

How conceited he had been.

How lost in deception. 

And all it had done was hurt the most beautiful heart he knew.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore", Aziraphale said, a tear slipping down his cheek as he pressed a soft kiss to Crowley's lips. "I don't want to hold back anymore because I'm scared. Please." 

He looked at the demon pleadingly, with all the honest longing in his heart.

"Please, help me stop, Crowley."

And Crowley - lovely, marvellous, beautiful Crowley - reached out and carded a hand through his hair, the sweetest, most soothing gesture- and then he leaned in and kissed the tear from Aziraphale's face, drying the damp trail with his soft lips. 

I love you, Aziraphale thought, overwhelmed by gratitude once more that his heart had chosen this extraordinary being to love, and be loved in return. 

~oOo~

Crowley's heart didn't know what to do with itself. 

Aziraphale was looking at him with what was so clearly love in his eyes that it couldn't possibly be mistaken for anything else, and he'd waited so fucking long to see Aziraphale looking at him like that- it was quite overwhelming in the very best of ways. 

The angel smiled at him, and Crowley could feel what was probably a crooked, dopey-as-fuck smile forming on his lips in return. 

"You...eh." The corner of Crowley's mouth twitched. "You sure you want to be fraternizing with a demon?" 

Aziraphale rolled his eyes at the little jab, smiling appropriately guiltily at being reminded of his wording all those years ago. 

"Crowley", he said, his scoldingly raised eyebrow betrayed by the amusement sparkling in his eyes. 

"Angel", Crowley answered teasingly, biting his lips to suppress a grin. 

Aziraphale chuckled, shaking his head at him.

"Yes, dear", he said then, voice light yet serious. "I'm quite sure I want to do quite a bit of fraternizing."

"Heaven won't like it."

"To be frank-" Aziraphale set his jaw ever so slightly. "I don't much care anymore whether they like what I do or not. Or who I do it with, for that matter", the angel added, a hint of something in his voice that made Crowley's spine tingle.

His gut, however, reminded him uncomfortably that such a declaration couldn't be without danger for the angel.

He took a deep breath.

"I'm not gonna deny that I've waited a long time for you to say that", he admitted, and Aziraphale smiled knowingly. "Damn long time. But..."

"But what?"

"What if they hurt you?"

Crowley's chest clenched just at the thought. Losing Aziraphale to Heaven for a day had been worse than any torture in Hell. He couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose him forever, now that he'd gotten him back.

"The Metatron can't have been happy you just...threw in the towel."

Aziraphale hesitated, but Crowley could see how he swallowed nervously.

"Not particularly, no", the angel said carefully, avoiding his gaze.

"So?" Crowley clenched his teeth. "You think they're gonna come after you?"

"I haven't really had time to think about it." Aziraphale's eyes flit back to his, a sad little smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. "I was far too eager to get back to you and...patch things up. They might, I suppose..." Aziraphale shrugged his shoulders, reaching for Crowley's hand once more to give it a gentle squeeze. "But we're safe for now, I'm sure. You know what Heaven is like, their bureaucracy is worse than the human's, they'll need days of conference just to decide what to do with me, let alone act on anything. If they consider me important enough to deal with at all-"

"What then, though?" Crowley gave the angel a firm look, pulling his fingers from his grip.

He understood why Aziraphale wanted to take this lightly, he wasn't eager to deal with a potential threat from Upstairs either, but there was no denying that said threat might become very real and very fast.

"Aziraphale. This is Heaven we're talking about. The big H. Or one of 'em two, I suppose." (Had always been fucking confusing in the elevator, an H button for Heaven, an H button for Hell.) "Anyway. You just took off and left them hanging after promising to be their Supreme Archangel, for Hell's sake! They ain't just gonna send a rude note about stuff like that!"

They had seen first-hand what they'd done to Gabriel, after all, and he had served them obediently for thousands of years. Not to imagine what they might have in stow for someone as continuously...prone to rebellion as his angel.

"Crowley." Aziraphale gave him a gentle smile, but the gesture clearly meant to soothe him only served to rile him up more. "Let me assure you, I was fully aware what it might mean for me to leave them behind when I did and...I am still. I may not know the exact consequences of my actions of yet", Aziraphale granted, still smiling that damned smile, "but I'm prepared to face them once they come- should they come."

Oh, they will come. You can bet your tartan-patterned bow tie on that.

Perhaps Aziraphale was prepared to accept whatever there was to come for him. Good for him.

But Crowley bloody well wasn't.

"What if they make you fall?", he said harshly, making Aziraphale flinch slightly, but maybe the angel needed to have a little wake-up call.

"My dear-" Aziraphale pressed his lips together. "I don't believe they have that authority, but...I have considered the possibility."

"You've considered the-"

Was Aziraphale saying what Crowley thought he was saying? He couldn't be saying what Crowley thought he was saying.

"What's that even mean?"

"It means that I knew it could happen." Aziraphale sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a second before he opened them with renewed conviction shining in them. "And I'm willing to accept it."

"You're-" Crowley's brain felt like it had just short-circuited. Surely, he had misheard. Surely, Aziraphale hadn't just said- Surely-

"But..."

Crowley gaped, swallowing against his suddenly too-dry throat.

"But you love being an angel."

"I do." Aziraphale smiled, shoulders twitching in a tiny shrug, like it was no big deal, like he hadn't just proclaimed he was willing to give up everything he had known, everything that he believed to define his nature, something he admitted to loving-

"But I love you more", Aziraphale said, like it was easy, obvious, and Crowley couldn't breathe.

He couldn't fucking breathe.

"A-Angel-"

"Crowley." Aziraphale smiled that soothing smile again, a soft palm coming up to caress his cheek, and only then did Crowley notice that he'd apparently lost control over his face altogether, his eye twitching as Aziraphale's thumb brushed over his cheekbone. "If giving it up is what it takes to be with you, so be it", Aziraphale went on, and yeah, perhaps this was what a stroke felt like, Crowley supposed.

Aziraphale's smile was so gentle, his touch so warm.

"I will never regret choosing you, Crowley."

Aziraphale's words were a punch to his gut, a balm to his soul.

Crowley covered Aziraphale's hands with his own, soft manicured fingers slipping between his like they belonged there, and Crowley knew in that moment that he wouldn't allow anything to come between them again, would tear down the very fabric of the universe to keep his angel safe.

"I'm gonna hide you", it spilled from his lips before he could think about it, and fuck, yeah, that might actually-

"Come again?" Aziraphale tilted his head in confusion.

"Hide you", Crowley said again, a plan forming in his mind as the words left him in a hurry. "We can hide you. Like we did with Gabriel. Two of us, doing a miracle together so they can't find you, can't find us." It should work. It had to work, right? If it worked once, it could work again, it could- "If it worked for Mr Ex-Archass, it should work for you."

"They..." Aziraphale considered his words for a second, his face lighting up tentatively. "They did say that miracle we performed was powerful enough to have been of an Archangel's origin. It could work..."

"If we do it together, yeah."

"Together." Aziraphale's smile turned brighter, more enthusiastic. "But I want us to hide you, too", he added. "I won't let any harm come to you, Crowley, and certainly not on my account."

Whatever. Crowley didn't care.

"Fine", he agreed. "If we do it now, they'll see where the activity came from, though. They'll know you're here."

"Oh." Aziraphale smiled a tad bashfully. "They'd already know I'd be wherever you are, anyway", he said, and nope, Crowley didn't have time to consider the implication of that statement right now, that of course Aziraphale would be wherever Crowley was, always, naturally, no doubt about it, fuck-

"Right", he gritted out, filing that information away for later. "Okay then. Count to three?"

"While we're at it-" Aziraphale's brow wrinkled in thought. "What do you think about new seals on the flat, and the bookshop, perhaps? From the both of us? Just to be sure?"

He looked at Crowley for confirmation, and the demon grinned.

"I think that I like the way you think", he said, earning him a pleased smile.

"On three then, yes, dear?"

"On three, angel."

"One." Crowley took a deep breath, lifting his hand.

"Two." He held Aziraphale's gaze, the angel nodding at him.

Aziraphale took Crowley's free hand.

"Three."

Chapter Text

From the outside, the miracle looked quiet and insignificant for something that was to possibly determine their life or death, but Crowley knew it had worked.

He could feel the protective layer slipping into place, descending on them like a veil of mist and moulding itself to them like a second skin, a patina of suspiciously unsuspicious miraculous activity.

There would be alarm bells going off in Heaven right now, white halls illuminated by intervals of red light, and the angels would look at the big floating globe of Earth, a pillar of lilac smoke coming from a flat in Mayfair, London, but they would just look at it in confusion, feeling like they should know what that location meant, but unable to remember its significance. And the Metatron would rage, feeling that he was too late, that what he'd tried to prevent had happened - an angel and a demon coming together and performing miracles too powerful even for him to counteract. 

Said angel and demon were sitting on the demon's bed, hands clasped together, feeling their miracle work its magic and settling over them like a comforting blanket. 

Aziraphale looked at Crowley, and Crowley could tell that the angel felt it too. 

It had worked. 

"It worked", Aziraphale said out loud. 

"Yeah", Crowley answered.

They looked at each other, mirroring smiles forming on their faces. 

He didn't know who moved first, but one moment he was looking into Aziraphale's eyes, giddy with joy and relief, the next he had the angel's hands cupping his face, the angel's lips against his own, the angel's body pressing close. 

Crowley grasped any part of him he could reach, lips parting for Aziraphale's probing tongue, hands fisting in the soft fabric of his waistcoat. His arms snaked around Aziraphale's middle, making sure he stayed right here where he belonged - right here against the sound of Crowley's beating heart.

"It worked", Aziraphale smiled against his mouth. "It really worked, Crowley, didn't it?"

"Angel", Crowley said, kissing the corner of Aziraphale's mouth. "Angel-"

"It really worked." The angel peppered kisses along Crowley's jaw, breathed a soft elated laugh right into Crowley's ear. "You're brilliant, my darling."

He leaned back to look into Crowley's eyes, face full of fondness, the softest smile on his lips. 

"Thank you", Aziraphale said, so much earnest gratitude in his voice that it made Crowley's head spin. "For always being there. Always saving me." The corner of the angel's mouth twitched. "You've always been so very good at that, haven't you?"

Crowley pressed his lips together as he smiled bashfully, ears heating with a faint blush. 

"Only thing I ever really cared to be good at, angel", he admitted, and it must have been the right thing to say, because next thing he knew, Aziraphale was kissing him again, pulling him along as the angel scooted back to the middle of the bed, back supported against the headboard. 

Crowley let the angel lead him back onto his lap, his breath hitching as he felt his skinny legs spreading around those gorgeously plush angelic thighs. He'd had fantasies about those thighs, working under him, squeezing around him, opening up for him, soft skin littered with bruises and bite marks left by two pointy fanged teeth- 

Shit, he had to stop thinking about that or his corporation wouldn't be able to hide for long where his thoughts had wandered. Crowley was glad he usually chose the more discrete of efforts, or they might have found themselves in quite the compromising position already. 

To be fair, the way Aziraphale's hands roamed over his back, just shy of dipping lower before they faltered and hurriedly drew upwards again- it made Crowley hope the angel would be interested in exploring some quite unangelic activities, but he wouldn't make assumptions, he wouldn't take chances, not here, not with Aziraphale. 

So he kept his thoughts...comparatively pure, his touches adequately chaste, studying Aziraphale's movements and staying within the safety of mirroring what the angel was doing. And that wasn't to say that Crowley didn't enjoy what they were doing, far from it.

He shivered as Aziraphale's fingers followed the curve of his arched spine, gasped into his mouth as Aziraphale's fingers dug into his thigh, rocked his hips in the tinest of cautious motions as Aziraphale's hands curled around his hip. He let his hand card through the angel's hair, allowed his hands to hold onto his shoulder, trailed adventurous kisses down the tempting column of Aziraphale's neck when the angel tilted his head in invitation. 

He revelled in every touch, soaked up every noise he drew from Aziraphale, listened intently what spots on the angel's body were the most sensitive and enticed the most delicious hitches of breath. 

Aziraphale licked into his mouth like he couldn't get enough of Crowley's taste, and that was ridiculous, to an angel he probably tasted like sulfur and brimstone, but Aziraphale released a tiny moan when Crowley allowed him in and caressed his tongue with his own, so who the fuck was Crowley to stop him.

"A-Angel-" Holy fuck his voice sounded wrecked already, and they were still wearing everything down to their frickin socks, for fuck's sake. 

Aziraphale hummed against his lips, allowed his hands to trail down as far as he dared, just to the edge of the waistband of Crowley's trousers, and goddammit he wished the angel would just go lower and grab his- but then Aziraphale let his hands slip under the hem of Crowley's shirt instead, a breathless, hungry sound falling from the angel's lips as his warm hand met Cowley's skin.

"Ngk-" Crowley choked on nothing, his back arching further into Aziraphale as he felt the angel's perfectly manicured nails scratch lightly just where his spine dipped, and he had always thought Aziraphale's hands would be soft, and they were, but they also weren't, and he didn't know how he could ever have thought they would be, because of course they would be like this, perfectly well-groomed and soft yet with fingertips deliciously callused from thousands of years of rebinding books and shelving countless tomes and all Crowley knew was that they felt absolutely fucking perfect against his skin, and if they felt like this on his back how the fuck would they feel on-

"Please, Crowley." Aziraphale's voice reached his ears, gentle and just a tiny bit pleading, and his hands were splayed out on Crowley's back now, holding him steady, and Crowley hadn't even realised he was trembling until Aziraphale's thumb stroked soothingly along his side. 

"Do not tell me to stop unless you want me to", the angel said, obviously mistaking his desperate body's reaction for apprehensiveness. "Do you want me to?"

Aziraphale's eyes met his, beautifully blue and endlessly patient, and all Crowley could do was shake his head. 

Aziraphale smiled, bright and relieved, and Crowley stared.

"Then let me", Aziraphale said gently, hands starting to move on Crowley's back again. "Just let me", he said, asked, begged. 

Anything, Crowley thought. You can have anything you want. 

Take my whole damned body, I don't want it if it isn't yours to touch. 

"Okay", was what he said, eloquent as ever. 

And Aziraphale looked at him like he couldn't believe that Crowley would allow him to touch him, and that was so utterly ridiculous in Crowley's mind - because how could he ever deny Aziraphale anything, least of all himself. He'd always tried to give Aziraphale what he wanted, and it was a damn miracle it turned out that he himself was just what Aziraphale wanted. 

And now, he looked at Crowley like he was the fucking miracle, like he was some sort of unexpected gift - when in fact, Crowley had only ever been Aziraphale's to own.

"I feel..." Aziraphale's hands smoothed up his back once again, slightly pulling Crowley's shirt up in the process. "...like I can never get close enough to you", the angel said, smiling almost shyly at him, like it wasn't exactly what Crowley's body and mind were screaming at him, too. 

"You have allowed me a place in your bed and it's more than I ever thought possible", Aziraphale went on, "but I just feel like...I need to be close to you, closer to you, all the time."

"Yeah." Crowley nodded, fingers flexing on Aziraphale's shoulder on instinct, as if to underline his words. "Yeah, I get it."

"You do?"

That stupid angel. Smiling at him so hopefully, like he wasn't everything Crowley had ever wanted.

"I really, really do", the demon said, unable to ignore the open relief on Aziraphale's face. "You doubted that?"

The angel shrugged his shoulders lightly.

"I didn't want to be presumptuous."

"You would've known if you'd just asked for this from the start." Crowley licked his lips, lips that curled into a smile as he remembered Aziraphale's awkward fumbling when he asked if he could stay the night. "Cause you could've, you know. Instead of babbling on about staying on the blasted couch. I would've given you anything."

"You have already given me so many things."

"None I didn't wanna give, promise."

That was a lot of honesty right there, but Crowley had always taken a strange sense of pride in being quite an honest demon (which was fine again, cause maybe lying would've been a sin, but so was pridefulness - should balance out, he guessed). 

And his tongue was running wild now, loosened by Aziraphale's kisses, Aziraphale's hands on his skin. It would spill all his secrets before the night was over, Crowley was sure. 

He was surprisingly okay with that. 

~oOo~

"None I didn't wanna give", Crowley said, "promise."

Oh, that sweet demon. That incredible, selfless creature. 

"You are-" Aziraphale smiled, let the wave of affection roll over him as he looked into Crowley's eyes. "You are so precious to me", he said, watching as something on Crowley's face twitched strangely at the words, just...something about his expression causing the angel to hesitate as his chest grew heavy. 

There was a hint of doubt behind his eyes, an almost imperceptible tension to his shoulders, a second where his jaw hardened slightly. Anyone else might have missed it, but Aziraphale had spent millennia secretly studying and filing away every detail of Crowley in his mind. 

His hands slipped away from Crowley's back. He could practically see how Crowley's mind was working furiously behind his eyes, trying to process his words, to walk around the doubt and insecurity that prevented him from believing them without restraint.

Those barriers were mostly his fault, Aziraphale knew. He had been the one to install them around Crowley's heart, every time he reminded him that they weren't the same, that he was a demon, that they were hereditary enemies. Every time he kept him at arm's length, talked about sides, distanced himself. Every time he denied their bond, their friendship-

"You know that you have always been my dearest friend, don't you?", Aziraphale heard himself say, heart sinking lower at the surprise flashing over Crowley's face.

I should have told him more often. I should have told him every day.

"Course", Crowley said, visibly gathering himself as the corner of his mouth curled in what was probably supposed to be a light-hearted smile. "You're too much of a bastard to make any others."

He'd said it teasingly, Aziraphale could hear that he had meant for it to be a joke, but the angel couldn't help his smile falling, the demon's eyes widening in horror as he watched the shame spread on Aziraphale's face.

"Nono!" Crowley reached for him, shaking his head furiously. "Angel, I didn't mean it like that-"

"You're right, though." Aziraphale swallowed hard. "I've been such a terrible friend over the years, especially to you."

The only one that ever counted, the one friendship he had always valued beyond anything else. 

Oh, he's not my friend, he remembered himself saying. We've never met before. We don't know each other.

Do you know what trouble I'd be in if they knew I'd been...fraternising?

Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon. We have nothing whatsoever in common. I don't even like you.

Of course, he'd really been in love with Crowley back then, too scared to admit it. And Crowley had been better than him, even back then, seeing through him as he always did, as he always had done. 

We're on our side, Crowley had told him. 

We can go off together, he'd told him. 

And all Aziraphale had done was to drop his offered heart and leave it there to die. 

"How can you love me?", Aziraphale whispered, his lower lips quivering ever so slightly. "After everything I- I did and...then I left you, betrayed you. Betrayed our friendship."

Going back to Heaven really had just been the last straw that broke the camel's back.

"Perhaps I'd deserve it if Heaven made me fall", he said, unable to look at Crowley. "In their eyes, I must be fallen already, and good riddance. But you..." He forced his eyes up, met the demon's horrified gaze. "I don't understand how I haven't fallen in your graces yet, how you haven't given up on me a long time ago-"

"Angel, no." Crowley surged forward, pulling him into his arms, and Aziraphale was too selfish to deny himself the comfort of Crowley's embrace, even if he hadn't earned it.

"You could never-", Crowley rushed to say, "I'd never-"

"I know you wouldn't." He sighed sadly against the demon's shoulder, feeling how Crowley's hands tightened around him. "That's just who you are, my dear. Always so kind, so selfless-" 

So forgiving-

"I'm not-"

"But you are." Aziraphale drew back, carding a hand through Crowley's hair as the demon looked at him helplessly. "I know you don't like to hear it, but you are. And I...aren't I supposed to be the being of love, of forgiveness?" He laughed humourlessly. "Yet I denied our friendship, made you feel like you weren't wanted, like you weren't good enough- Oh Crowley, how can I ever forgive myself? How can I ever deserve you?" 

Crowley just shook his head, eyes so wide and lost, and Aziraphale had to look away.

"Perhaps I should have let them come", he said quietly. "I would have deserved whatever they did to me."

~oOo~

"Stop it right now!"

Aziraphale was startled by his forceful outburst, but Crowley wouldn't take another second of his angel talking like that. He could see Aziraphale's eyes widening when he looked at him, the spark of anger he must see in Crowley's eyes, the hard line of frustration to Crowley's jaw. 

"Aziraphale." The demon shook his head again, his eyes boring intensely into the angel's now. "You wouldn't deserve a fucking inch of whatever shit they'd do to you!", he hissed. "You hear me?! You're my best friend, the best angel of that whole lot. Heaven would actually be a good thing if they were all like you. You think I would've stuck around since the literal dawn of time for just anyone?" Crowley raised a questioning eyebrow, challenging him to object. "You think I would've fallen in love with you if you weren't worth it? I know you, angel. I know you better than anyone, don't I?"

Aziraphale opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Then he nodded, eyes big and watery.

"See? I know you", Crowley said again. "And I love you. And if I'm as-" He cringed, biting his tongue. "-good, as you seem to think", he pressed out, "...ain't that proof enough that you're worth everything I say?"

"P-Perhaps, but Crowley-"

"No buts, angel."

He soothed a hand through the angel's soft dishevelled locks, Aziraphale's eyes fluttering shut on a shaky exhale at the touch.

"I don't wanna see you putting yourself down because of shit from the past", Crowley said. "That's over, done with. I'd hate to watch you tear yourself up over it. Not having that. I'm not them, Aziraphale." He pressed his teeth together as the snake inside him wanted to bare its fangs. "I'd never need to see you suffer or...atone or whatever, just to prove yourself to me. Don't have to prove anything." 

He took the angel's hand, breathing deeply to calm himself as he entwined their fingers.

"Just let me love you", Crowley said then, an urging demand as much as a humble request. "Nothing more."

And Aziraphale's lip quivered, his whole body tensing for a moment before it all melted away, falling against Crowley's chest with a heartwrenching sigh.

"Oh, Crowley." A quiet sob against the demon's shoulder, fingers digging into his arms.

Crowley welcomed him, pulling the angel's face up to his so he could press a tender kiss to the corner of Aziraphale's mouth, stilling his trembling lips.

"Lemme love you, angel", he breathed again, holding him close, and Aziraphale nodded in his arms, clinging to Crowley like he needed him not to fall apart. 

"Anything", Aziraphale agreed. "Anything you want, my dearest-"

His fingers tightened reflexively on Aziraphale's shoulder, and the angel made a choked sound in the back of his throat.

"Tell me what you want", Aziraphale said then, earnest blue eyes meeting his. "Tell me and it's yours. I'm yours."

And Crowley just had to kiss him. He simply had to. 

"Angel..." He pressed his lips to Aziraphale's cheek, his jaw, his temple. His hands smoothed down the angel's back, soft fabric under his fingers, but it wasn't enough. "Lemme touch you", he breathed out, kissing his lips. "I wanna show you. Please, I need-"

"Of course", Aziraphale said, "Anything. Anything."

And Crowley's fingers found the buttons of his waistcoat, so dear and familiar to him. He undid one with trembling hands, had to lean back so he could watch, watch as he freed one button after another, watched as Aziraphale let him, as every single one of his fantasies came to life. 

The waistcoat slid off the angel's shoulders with a soft rustle of fabric, and Crowley miracled up a chair, hung the garment carefully over its back, reverence in every movement. (He would never just have miracled any of it away, it was far too precious to Aziraphale, and Crowley had spent far too many hours imagining what it would be like to unwrap it all slowly.)

Aziraphale smiled at him when he turned back, pulling his bow tie loose, and Cowley forgot how to breathe. 

He reached out, pulled the checkered slip of cloth from the angel's neck. 

"I know you hate that thing", Aziraphale said with a little smile, and no, Crowley thought, never hated it, could never hate it, not ever. 

He'd always thought it fucking ridiculous. It was also fucking ridiculous how much he loved it, just because it was Aziraphale's. 

"Don't hate it", was what he said, voice thick as he swallowed. "'S yours."

Aziraphale smiled at him, looking down bashfully as he undid the top button of his light blue shirt. Crowley stared, licking his lips as the angel's gaze flit up to meet his again. 

Their eyes got caught on each other, and Crowley watched in fascination as Aziraphale's eyes darkened slightly, his lips parting- and then they were kissing again, Aziraphale's hands in his hair, Crowley's yanking the shirt out of the angel's trousers and slipping beneath it in his hunger for skin, too impatient for more blasted buttons. 

Aziraphale gasped into his mouth, and Crowley groaned in return, hands finally roaming eagerly over planes of soft, warm skin. 

Every brush of fingers was atonement. Every meeting of lips was contrition. Every caress of skin was reconciliation.

Every touch felt like forgiveness. 

Chapter Text

Aziraphale was warm under Crowley's hands, alive, real. 

He shivered delightfully when Crowley's fingers followed a path up his spine, as far as his shirt would allow. 

Shirts, plural, Crowley realised in despair. Of course his angel would wear a frickin undershirt, like his thousand blasted layers before that hadn't been enough already. It was infuriating and unnecessary and in the fucking way and so incredibly perfectly like Aziraphale that he couldn't even be mad about it. 

He forced his hands away from Aziraphale's back, wandering to the front of his dress shirt again and undoing the rest of the buttons. He cursed under his breath when one slipped his trembling fingers repeatedly, resisting the urge to just rip the blasted thing off Aziraphale's body. His angel would never forgive him, he knew, so of course he would never. No harm picturing it in his mind, though - pristine fabric tearing, cursed buttons flying everywhere... Perhaps he'd find one on the floor under his bed later- 

Finally, the last button slipped free, and Crowley let the light-blue fabric fall from Aziraphale's shoulders, turning away from his angel's seeking lips for a moment to let it join the rest of his clothes on the newly designated chair. 

A slow breath of air escaped Crowley's lungs when he turned back, sure his slitted pupils must be dilating as he let his eyes wander over Aziraphale's exposed arms, upper body laid bare except for that stupid white undershirt. He reached out, let his fingertips trail down the angel's arm, watching as Aziraphale's eyes fluttered shut at the featherlight touch. 

"Can I..." Crowley licked his lips, fiddling with the cotton strap of the shirt between his thumb and forefinger. "Can I take this off?", he asked, seeking the angel's wide eyes. "Would that be okay?"

For the first time, there was some hesitance to Aziraphale's demeanour, his lips parting silently before he pressed them together tightly. He could see the angel swallowing hard, but then he nodded at Crowley to proceed. 

Crowley's movements were slow and reverent when he reached out, grabbing the hem of Aziraphale's shirt and pulling it up, waiting for the angel to lift his arms to assist him. He watched as more and more of Aziraphale's chest was revealed - his plush belly, a sprinkle of soft white curls on his chest, the line of his collarbone that Crowley instantly wanted to latch onto and mark up with his lips and teeth. Of course, he didn't, simply kept staring as he let the shirt fall mindlessly onto the chair without ever taking his eyes off his angel. 

Aziraphale looked away, hands wringing nervously in his lap.

"I know, I-" The angel avoided Crowley's eyes, arms coming around his middle protectively. "I-I mean, it's not much, really, but I always- y-you see...", he stammered, clearly embarrassed, and Crowley wouldn't have that, not on his watch, oh no- 

"And compared to you", the angel went on, "I know I'm no-"

"Perfect", Crowley cut him off, eyes wide and lips parted in wonder as he stared at his angel. "You're perfect."

Aziraphale blushed hard, a lovely shade of pink reaching down to his chest, but he lowered his eyes, so Crowley reached out and carefully tipped up his chin with his finger.

"Angel", he said, gentle yet firm enough to make sure there was no doubt about his words. "Angel, you're stunning."

"Oh", Aziraphale breathed out. Nothing more, just that, a little sound of recognition and awed disbelief. And Crowley smiled, using his fingers on Aziraphale's chin to lead him forward into a soft kiss.

"Lemme look at you", he said as they parted, and Aziraphale blinked at him, then carefully nodded his head.

He allowed Crowley to take his hand and untangle his arms where they were wrapped around his body, watching Crowley intently as the demon let his eyes sweep over his stomach and up his chest, studying every soft curve, every nook and cranny, and filing it away in his mind for later. 

Aziraphale let him, his mouth still twisted ever so slightly with uncertainty, but he didn't say anything, just allowed Crowley to marvel and explore. 

And marvel, Crowley did. 

Aziraphale was everything he'd always imagined and more, and Crowley wanted to say something, to reassure the clearly flustered angel that Crowley had never looked at anything better in his entire life, but the thoughts shooting through his head were too many and too fast for him to hold onto and form into words. 

"Look at you", he said instead, ripping his eyes away from the lovely curve of Aziraphale's hips to catch the angel's gaze instead. "You're gorgeous."

The angel gave him a tentative smile, but he could feel the reservation behind it, and Crowley's jaw tightened with anger at what- or whoever had put that doubt into Aziraphale's mind. He could already take a guess. 

"I mean it", he said, looking at Aziraphale earnestly. "Gorgeous, angel. And whoever told you otherwise, I'm gonna hunt them down."

Aziraphale's eyes widened before he averted his gaze again, clearing his throat. 

"Ah, well." Aziraphale chuckled uncomfortably. "That might prove difficult."

"Who was it?" Crowley gritted his teeth, snake eyes forming angry slits. "Angel", he said pointedly when Aziraphale just pressed his lips together. "It was that wanker Gabriel, wasn't it?"

"He...ah." Aziraphale gave him a tight smile, shrugging his shoulders lightly. "Might have commented on how I should...lose some gut, as they say. But that was before he turned into- whoever he is now, you see", he hurried to say, smiling soothingly at the demon, as if that would make it better in any way.

"That bastard", Crowley hissed, his throat tightening with held-back fury. Who did that fucker think he was, daring to criticize his angel? None of that Heavenly holier-than-thou pack was worth enough to even breathe the same fucking air as Aziraphale. 

"He can go to Hea- ah, fuck- Alpha Centauri, or wherever the Hell he fucked off to", Crowley spat out. "Don't you dare listen to any of that. And don't you dare lose even a single pound, you hear me?"

Crowley nodded pointedly at the angel's plush belly as Aziraphale shifted on the bed.

"Not unless you wanted to. This is mine now." Mine to see, mine to touch, mine to worship- "And you ain't changing a single hair on your body for anyone, got it?"

Crowley was breathing heavily, blood still boiling in his veins, but Aziraphale finally looked at him, a small tentative smile forming on his lips, the first honest smile Crowley had seen- and all anger dissipated instantly as Aziraphale reached for his hand.

"So..." Aziraphale ducked his head adorably. "I take it you don't mind that I happen to be...a little bit, well." He glanced at Crowley with that shy little smile. "Soft?"

"You kiddin'?" Crowley used the hand Aziraphale had taken to pull the angel closer, pleased to see him following without hesitation.

"I love it", Crowley said truthfully, allowing his eyes to sweep over his angel appreciatively, a pleased smile tugging at the corner of Aziraphale's mouth when their eyes met again. "Love everything about you. Wanted to get my hands all over that for centuries."

He gently let his hands settle on Aziraphale's hips, fingers splayed out over the soft plushness. 

"And is it as you imagined?"

Aziraphale smiled up at him, still shy, still blushing, but no longer from embarrassment. 

"Better, angel." Crowley grinned, guiding him closer still, hands sweeping up his sides, over his shoulders, onto his back. "So much better."

And then he kissed him again, Aziraphale falling into it like an angel starving, and Crowley wrapped him up in his arms, something stirring low in his gut when Aziraphale gasped into his mouth at all his bare skin pressed against Crowley's shirt. Crowley had never hated his own clothes with such a passion before, but it was fine, he had his hands on Aziraphale's skin, and Aziraphale's tongue was sweeping through his mouth, and Aziraphale's fingers were tangled in his hair-

"I...I want..." Aziraphale pressed his lips to the dip under Crowley's jaw, hands wandering down his back, playing restlessly with the hem of that blasted shirt of his. "Please", the angel said. "I want to feel you, too."

And thank fuck yes yes yes, Crowley's mind screamed-

"Yeah", Crowley breathed, lifting his hand to snap his fingers, skin tingling in anticipation to feel the angel's against him, but Aziraphale covered the demon's hand with his own, stopping him with his blue eyes shimmering, pleading.

"Let me", the angel said. "Please, let me-"

And he reached to grab the hem of Crowley's shirt instead, pulling it up over his head, and fine, Crowley could live with that too, if Aziraphale wanted to do it the human way- and anyway, he was looking at Crowley like he was unwrapping a fucking gift, so it was fine, it was all fine-

And then his shirt was off, thrown mindlessly into the general direction of away, Crowley didn't know, didn't care, because Aziraphale was staring at him wide-eyed, awe all over his face, and Crowley couldn't take much more of that, so he just dove back in to kiss him again. 

Aziraphale welcomed him happily, wrapping his arms around him, holding him close, and fucking Hell their bare chest were pressing together, soft warm skin sliding deliciously against Crowley's, and he felt so sensitive, and Aziraphale's breath hitched in his ear, and Crowley couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe-

"Angel", Crowley whined, not even sure what he wanted, anything more than this would surely discorporate him- could one discorporate from happiness and pleasure?

It certainly felt like it, and apparently the angel had made it his mission to drive Crowley to the brink of madness, because suddenly Aziraphale was climbing into his lap, gorgeous thighs trapping Crowley in his spot, and he was fine with that, didn't ever want to move again if he could die happily between the plushness of Aziraphale's thighs- 

His hands were in Aziraphale's hair, and the silky blond locks were messy from Crowley's fingers running through them, and then he found that spot between the angel's shoulder blades, the one he knew to be sensitive because that's where their wings were hiding, and he dug his fingers in experimentally, felt the angel shudder above him. 

"Crowley..." A soft sigh, Aziraphale's face coming into focus. 

He cupped the angel's cheek tenderly, thumb sweeping along his flushed cheekbone.

"'S this okay?", Crowley asked gently, his other hand massaging softly around that area on Aziraphale's back, and the angel nodded shakily.

"Yes. Please don't stop."

Never, Crowley though. I'm never gonna stop. Never gonna stop loving you, never gonna stop wanting you, never gonna stop touching you, if you let me. 

"You're so beautiful", it fell from his lips, like a prayer, a benediction, and maybe that should feel wrong to a demon, but then again, Aziraphale had always been the only celestial being he'd been prepared to worship. "Feel so fucking good, angel. Can't believe you're here."

"Should never have left", Aziraphale said, desperate, pained, kissing his shoulder. "Crowley. My Crowley-"

"My angel." He hugged Aziraphale close, fingers digging into any skin they landed on, like they were trying to tell him that Crowley would never let him go again. "'S okay", he soothed. "We're here now, 's okay."

"I love you." Aziraphale pressed his lips to the tattoo next to Crowley's ear, his temple, his cheek, the line of his jaw. Then he leaned back, looking at Crowley with unshed tears shining in his blue eyes, a smile on his lips. "More than anything in the world."

And God, Crowley loved him. He loved him so much it hurt. 

He smiled. 

"I love you too."

~oOo~

"I love you, too", Crowley said, and Aziraphale smiled, flooded with a happiness he had never felt before. 

He allowed himself a moment to revel in it, acutely aware of all the places they were touching. Crowley was warm and lovely in his arms, his face up close nothing short of transcendentally beautiful, but perhaps that was just what you saw when you came face-to-face with your heart's greatest desire.

A gentle smile played on Crowley's lips, his eyes open and vulnerable, his hands on Aziraphale's back holding him tenderly. They were so close, fitting together perfectly, the sharp angles of Crowley's body an impeccable complement to Aziraphale's plush curves, moulding itself to Aziraphale's form like it had been designed for that purpose only. 

He loved the ways they were different, the ways they were contrary, yet perfectly suited to each other. Two separate beings in their own right, coming together to become something more, something grander. 

Aziraphale had always struggled to belong, fearing that if he didn't belong to Heaven, he couldn't belong anywhere. 

In this moment, it became abundantly obvious how clearly he belonged to Crowley, and Crowley alone. Just as Crowley belonged to him. 

The thought made him giddy, his smile widening, hands tightening on the demon's body as if they longed to stake their claim beyond the realm of his mind. 

"I'm yours", Aziraphale heard himself say, because he wanted Crowley to hear it, because he needed to hear it himself. "There has never been anyone else. You must know that."

He watched as Crowley's eyes watered, the demon swallowing hard and nodding his head quickly, frantically, before leaning in to press his lips to Aziraphale's - and that was as good an answer as any, as far as the angel was concerned. 

He hummed happily into the kiss, wondering how many kisses it would take until he got used to this feeling, until it stopped taking his breath away. It probably never would, he decided, quite content with that. 

Crowley's skin was so warm, his thin frame somehow fragile yet powerful under Aziraphale's hands as he swept his fingers down the demon's sides. Crowley grabbed his thighs, making a breathless sound in his throat as his fingers fisted in the fabric of the angel's trousers. It caused a strain in the area around Aziraphale's crotch, and he hadn't quite realised how tight his pants had gotten until then. They put pressure against his effort, and Aziraphale's breath hitched, a groan forcing its way past his lips that made Crowley freeze under him. 

"Darling..." Aziraphale held onto Crowley's shoulder for support as he leaned back. "Would you be amenable to- I mean...do you want to take this- oh, bugger." He shook his head at himself, taking a deep breath. "What I meant to ask was...how far would you like to take this?"

Crowley's mouth opened, eyes wide, but no sound came out. Aziraphale felt his hands fidget restlessly behind Crowley's back, his stomach tightening slightly with nerves. 

"I-I mean..." He gave Crowley a cautious smile. "I said I didn't have any ulterior motives when I asked to stay over. And I didn't!", he assured the demon, words flowing from him as he looked back into Crowley's blank face. "I have no expectations whatsoever! You really have indulged me quite enough already. I just meant to say, that if you were...interested, as it were...uhm." The angel cleared his throat, took a deep breath. "I would not be...not...amenable. That's all."

Crowley stared, stock-still except for his jaw moving soundlessly.

"Ngk." A choked sound escaped the demon's throat, causing Aziraphale's mouth to twitch up in a smile despite himself. 

"You..." Crowley swallowed hard. "Y-You mean..." He raised his eyebrows in a meaningful gesture, eyes flitting down for a split-second to where Aziraphale was perched on his lap. "You wanna...ergh-"

"Well." Aziraphale felt himself blushing. "There's no need, naturally." (His crotch disagreed on that. Vehemently. But he ignored the rudely impatient thing pointedly.) "I simply meant that it seemed as if...we might be headed- in a certain direction...?" 

He looked at Crowley expectantly, already fearing he might have misread- but then Crowley nodded shortly. 

"Ah." Aziraphale took a breath of relief. "Yes. And...you see. I simply wanted to let you know that I wasn't uncomfortable with the thought of...anything happening. Beyond." He stroked down the demon's arm in a soothing motion. "If that was where you desired to take things, that is", he added, and Crowley stared again, silent. 

Aziraphale lifted a brow, fidgeting slightly in the demon's lap to cover up his nervous agitation.

"Is that...where you wanted to take things?", he asked slowly when Crowley showed no sign of saying anything, his gut starting to twist.

"Crowley? It's perfectly alright if you don't", he hurried to say, panicking slightly. "Not today. Or at any point in time. I wouldn't want to if you didn't, and it's all terribly fast, I'm aware, and we aren't supposed to have...carnal..desires...or whatever you want to call it- strictly speaking. Of course, we've been feeling a lot of things we're not strictly supposed to feel, so I just thought- But I've been getting ahead of myself again, I'm terribly sorry. Please forgive me, of course you wouldn't want-"

"I would, though", Crowley's voice finally broke through his mindless rambling, cutting Aziraphale off.

The demon's voice was rough and breathless, his pupils blown wide as he stared at Aziraphale. 

"I would", Crowley said again. "I mean-" He licked his lips. "That is...if you wanted-"

"I would", Aziraphale blurted out, the knots in his stomach loosening so suddenly it made him feel a little nauseous with relief. "I really, really would, my dear."

"That's..." Crowley nodded, his fingers digging deeper into Aziraphale's thigh, and oh Lord above he wanted them to leave bruises-

"That...yeah, alright then", Crowley said, still staring like Aziraphale was the most marvellous thing he'd ever seen. "We can...definitely. Yeah. Absolutely, we should-"

"Yes", Aziraphale agreed, a smile forming on his lips. "I do believe we should."

"Right." Crowley nodded again, jerking his head a little desperately. "We should."

They stared at each other, Aziraphale found himself getting quite lost in Crowley's eyes and he had a feeling the demon was in the same state, his heart beating steadily, his whole body inwardly bubbling with growing anticipation- 

The angel forced his eyes away from Crowley's, clearing his throat as he slid from the demon's lap. He noticed how a sound of indignation slipped Crowley's throat at that, causing the angel's mouth to twitch upwards, pleased. 

"Splendid." Aziraphale gave the demon a brilliant smile. "Would you be so kind as to help me out of these then, dear boy?" He tugged at the fabric of his trousers. "They've really become quite uncomfortable."

"Ngk."

Chapter Text

"Ngk", Crowley said, mouth dry as Aziraphale popped the button of his trousers open.

The angel looked at him expectantly, patiently, and he'd said he wanted Crowley to help him-

Aziraphale was gonna take his pants off, and Crowley was gonna see his thighs, his bare fucking thighs, and they were gonna- they were gonna...

Crowley swallowed hard. 

"S-Should I...eh." He gestured to the hem of Aziraphale's pant legs, the angel smiling at him sweetly, far too innocent-looking for an angel who had just asked a demon to take off his slacks so they could- 

"If you'd be so kind", Aziraphale smiled, lifting his legs so Crowely could pull the pants down more easily. 

And Crowley...Crowley needed to move. Hands. Move his hands. Use his fingers. Grip the pant legs. Right. 

He probably looked like a proper idiot the way he stared at his own hands in concentration as he willed them to move, fingers curling around the slightly rough fabric of the angel's slacks and pulling them off. He watched as the brown cloth yielded to the tug of his hands, slipping down and pooling at the angel's feet. He ignored the little sigh of relief the angel made, refused to look at any of the skin he knew he'd just revealed, just kept his eyes glued to the trousers in his hands as he took his time to fold them carefully, placing them on the chair with the rest of the angel's clothes. 

There they sat. Waistcoat. Dress shirt. Undershirt. Slacks. Aziraphale's shoes and socks by his bedroom door.

Logically, that left quite the undressed angel. And he was in Crowley's bed. 

Fucking fuck.

Crowley gulped. 

"Dearest?" A hand on his shoulder caused Crowley to startle, head whipping around from where he'd been staring at the blasted chair to meet warm blue. 

Aziraphale smiled at him gently.

"Are you quite alright, love?"

Crowley forced his eyes to stay glued to the angel's face, didn't dare glance down. There'd be miles of creamy legs on display. He couldn't take it. He'd probably jump Aziraphale right away, grab those thighs and bury his canines in them-

"Perfect", he croaked out. "Sss-" Jesus fucking- Get that stupid hissing under control, goddammit!  Crowley cleared his throat. "Simply tickety-boo, angel." 

Aziraphale chuckled, and Crowley managed a wry smile at the sound. 

"Mmmmh." Aziraphale hummed softly, leaning in to place a quick peck on Crowley's lips that had the demon relaxing instantly. "Would you care to join me, then? I feel I'm in quite a disadvantageous state of undress at the moment. Only if you're comfortable, of course."

Crowley nodded dumbly.

He watched in a daze as the angel undid his snake belt buckle, but stopped Aziraphale's hands as the angel reached for his pants, giving him a crooked smile at the angel's questioning look.

"They...ah. Don't really work well that way. Too tight, see." He pressed his lips together, somewhat embarrassed at admitting that. "Usually just miracle 'em away. Not sure they even come off otherwise."

"I see." Aziraphale clearly tried to suppress an amused little smile. "Shall I, then? Or would you rather...?"

Crowley snapped his fingers before he could lose the courage to do so, his eyes finally flickering down to both of their bare legs as he followed Aziraphale's gaze there. It was surreal, sitting next to Aziraphale on his silky sheets, clad in nothing but a pair of black briefs, the angel in the same state. But Aziraphale's eyes were wide and darkening ever so slightly as he let them wander over Crowley's body, and he desperately wanted to see more of that look on Aziraphale's face, wanted to know that he was the one who had put it there, wanted-

"Oh", the angel breathed, voice a little thick as his gaze swept along Crowley's skinny legs. "Dear, you're-" He broke off when he reached Crowley's boxers, a little furrow forming between his brows.

"Oh..." Aziraphale said again, a hint of disappointment lacing his voice this time before he blinked, ripping his eyes away and cheeks colouring as he seemed to realise he'd been staring at the demon's crotch.

"You're not...I mean-" The angel licked his lips, pointedly not looking between Crowley's legs again. "I thought you might be...similarly...a-affected by- ah, nevermind-", he stammered, and Crowley breathed out in relief as he understood what Aziraphale was talking about. He allowed himself a tiny glance at Aziraphale's own effort, and sure enough, his white briefs were tented quite noticeably, and no this was not the moment for his mouth to water at the sight- for all that was unholy, he needed to get a fucking grip-

"Angel." He ignored the little pulse between his legs as his eyes swiftly swept over that bulge again as he leaned in, seeking the angel's eyes as he allowed his hand to rest soothingly on Aziraphale's knee. (Knee. Leg. Soft. Skin. Shut up, Jesus-) 

"I would be", Crowley said, biting his lip. "Am", he corrected. "Affected, that is. Believe me, what we've been doing was...ah...more than enough." He grinned shyly at the angel, glad to see Aziraphale's eyes shine back at him hopefully. "I'm just not using that kind of...eh. Equipment", he explained. "Right now."

"Oh!" Aziraphale's brows shot up in surprised understanding. "You mean..."

"The other bits. Like to switch sometimes", Crowley confirmed, biting on his tongue before a hiss could escape. "Fit better in the tight pants, y'know. Is...that okay?"

"Yes, of course!" Aziraphale grabbed the hand Crowley had placed on his knee, covering it with both of his own. "I'm sure whatever you chose is perfectly lovely, my dear", the angel said, smiling at him until Crowley felt himself relax. 

"Really, you mustn't mind me", Aziraphale went on with a sheepish chuckle. "I was just being silly, because for a moment there I feared you hadn't quite enjoyed yourself the way I had..."

"No need to worry 'bout that, angel", Crowley promised, squeezing the angel's hand, and Aziraphale released a breath of relief.

"Well. Jolly good, then." He smiled bashfully, casting his eyes down for a second before they found Crowley's again, gingerly pulling the demon closer until their thighs were touching. 

Crowley slowly moved his free hand, allowing it to stroke up the angel's leg, settling happily right where his upper thigh was the widest, softest. 

He had to remind himself to breathe. Humans breathed to calm their racing hearts, didn't they. 

"Can I kiss you again?", Crowley heard himself say, and the smile Aziraphale gave him laid any remaining uncertainty to rest. 

"I'd be very cross with you if you didn't, darling", his angel said, and Crowley couldn't help the grin spreading on his face.

"C'mere, then."

And then Aziraphale was in his arms again, mouthwatering legs wrapping around Crowley's slim waist, and he tasted like fresh air and old books and a hint of cinnamon when Crowley slipped his tongue into his mouth, the little hum Aziraphale made next to his ear drove him mad, and Aziraphale's hands swept over his back and down his sides and along his legs, leaving goosebumps in their wake. 

Crowley's breath hitched when he felt the angel's effort brush against his stomach, Aziraphale's hands digging into his flesh for a second as he gasped into Crowley's mouth. And then Aziraphale rolled his hips in the tiniest of motions, seeking that contact again, that friction, a soft whine escaping his lips- and it was enough for Crowley to feel his control beginning to slip. 

His tongue wanted to elongate and split at the tip, eager to apply his serpentine senses and get an even better taste of the angel's mouth, but he forced it to hold its human shape. His skin was tingling, his scales itching to break free all over his upper thighs, right along the path Aziraphale's hands were stoking. And his fangs- they had sharpened ever so slightly without him realising, and Crowley just prayed Aziraphale wouldn't feel it and shy away from him. 

His angel didn't seem to have noticed, going off the way he was eagerly plunging his tongue into Crowley's mouth, hands restlessly seeking out any inch of Crowley's skin they could reach- and Crowley adored it, was going insane with it, the way it made him feel wanted and desired, like he was doing well, being good- because he'd always secretly wanted to be good, to be good for Aziraphale- Aziraphale-

He stifled a groan when his hips twitched of their own accord, the fabric of his briefs rough and perfect against the sensitive nub between his legs, and Aziraphale made a hum of encouragement, fingers slipping just the tiniest bit under that last scrap of fabric in Crowley's back- and his skin prickled, his fangs pointy in his mouth- fuck-

He wrenched his lips away from the angel's, panting heavily as he squeezed his eyes shut and fought for control. Aziraphale wasn't helping, his hands on Crowley's hips, thumbs playing continuously with that blasted waistband, his lips attaching to Crowley's neck.

He sucked in a shaky breath, clamped his teeth shut as he ignored how his scales screamed at him to break through his skin, a whine forcing its way out of his throat that he couldn't stifle completely. 

"Don't do that." Aziraphale's voice was gentle but commanding, his lips soft where they pressed to Crowley's jaw. "Let me hear you", his angel said. "Those lovely noises are mine, daring. Don't keep them from me."

And yes, everything inside him screamed, they're yours, all yours, all for you. And if Aziraphale wanted them, of course he should have them- but if Crowley let go now, quit holding back his sounds, what else might slip from his grasp that he wouldn't be able to reel in again-

"A-Angel...", he moaned, unable to help it when Aziraphale's fingers found the spot where his wings were rooted. 

"That's it." Aziraphale sounded pleased, so happy, a smile in his voice- "Beautiful", his angel praised, and Crowley soaked it up like a fucking sponge. "Don't be ashamed, not on my account. Your pleasure is mine, dearest."

And yes, fine, whatever Aziraphale wanted, he would have, of course, always. 

Aziraphale did that blasted little hip-roll again that was driving Crowley wild, a hand sneaking into his hair, and he was making those small breathy noises right next to Crowley's ear, and Crowley was fucking losing it.

He pressed his face into Aziraphale's shoulder, careful not to have his canines scrape the angel's skin as his mouth hung open on a panting breath, his hands finding Aziraphale's plush thighs and holding on for dear life. 

"C-Crowley..." A soft sigh, and Crowley's fingers dug deeper.

"Please", his angel said, moaned- and that was more than a poor demon could be asked to take. 

He felt something inside him snapping with a dangerous finality, scales popping up all over his thighs, along his spine. His fangs shot out the rest of the way, sharp and venomous. His tongue elongated and split, coiling in his mouth as it sought to flick out and soak up the scent of angel and skin and them- but Crowley clamped his teeth shut in horror. 

Aziraphale had frozen above him, hand and hips stilled mid-motion. 

Fuck. 

Crowley squeezed his eyes shut, teeth pressing together so hard it hurt. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

~oOo~

Aziraphale startled momentarily as he felt the warm skin under his fingers shift and transform, his eyes widening as he watched patches of black scales forming all over Crowley's body. 

They looked smooth and shiny, reflecting the light in a soft red shimmer, and Aziraphale instantly felt the insistent urge to reach out and touch them, to find out if they were as soft and silky as they looked, but he refrained. 

Crowley had gone still beneath him, too still - his shoulders tense, his whole body strung tight like a bow, and the angel felt a wave of concern wash over him. 

Was this not normal? Had he done something wrong, provoked this somehow- was Crowley overwhelmed? Ashamed? In pain?

"Crowley?"

He leaned back, tried to catch the demon's gaze, but Crowley had squeezed his eyes shut, jerking away and turning his face in the opposite direction as Aziraphale lightly touched his cheek. The demon startled back, curling in on himself protectively, and a flash of hurt drove through the angel at the sight, but Crowley looked seriously troubled, actually pained, and that was far more important right now.

"My love, what is it?" Aziraphale could hear the worry dripping from his voice. "Please. Talk to me. Tell me what's wrong, what I can do. Crowley?"

The demon just shook his head, eyes and mouth still shut. 

"Darling please." Aziraphale wanted to card a hand through his hair, wanted to make it better somehow, but he didn't dare touch him again after Crowley had flinched away from him so violently before. "Crowley. You're scaring me. Are you hurt?"

Crowley shook his head again, and Aziraphale took a breath of relief.

"What is it, then? Dearest? Will you please look at me?"

Crowley's mouth twitched, his whole body tense for a moment longer. Then his shoulder slumped in defeat, and his eyes blinked open, hesitantly finding the angel's.

"'M sorry", Crowley finally said, small, quiet. "So sssorry." He bit his lip as he hissed, looking angry with himself as his teeth dug into his bottom lip so hard Aziraphale was sure it had to hurt. "Couldn't- couldn't hold it in", Crowley pressed out through gritted teeth. "Tried, swear, I tried-"

"Tried what? Crowley-"

"I'm sorry", Crowley said again, averting his gaze with what was so clearly shame on his face that it crashed into Aziraphale's chest like a ton of bricks. 

"I know you don't...wanna see me like this", the demon muttered, pulling his legs closer to his body, hands driving agitatedly over the scales and flattening them against his skin. "Thought I could hold it back, but..."

He hung his head, avoiding Aziraphale's eyes, and the angel just couldn't help it. He reached out, tentatively touching the demon's shoulder with his fingertips, and Crowley twitched, but didn't pull away, so he allowed his hand to settle there. 

"Whatever are you talking about, dear?" 

"'S fine, angel. You don't gotta pretend."

Crowley's head turned around, big yellow eyes full of anger and frustration as they met Aziraphale's. But he could see that the emotion in them was not directed at him, but Crowley himself, and that was just- 

"I wouldn't wanna be reminded what's hiding under here, either", Crowley said bitterly, hugging his knees to himself.

"I'm..." Aziraphale blinked. "I'm not convinced I understand." 

It sounded as if...Crowley thought he wouldn't want to see any proof of his demonic side. But surely, he had to know that Aziraphale didn't mind, that he was in fact quite eager to learn anything Crowley had to show him about who he was, that he wanted to share in anything the demon was willing to let him.

"I take it these didn't come out on purpose then", the angel said carefully, and Crowley huffed. "I see. And you didn't want me to see? Why?"

Crowley looked at him as if he had lost his mind, the answer clear on his face, and it tore at Aziraphale's heart, his throat closing up so suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Why would I make you look at all this shit on purpose? Y'know. All of- " Crowley gestured down at himself, along the patches of scales interrupting his skin. "Cause you said...we could be angels again. You were so happy about that too, I just thought-"

Crowley sighed, and Aziraphale wanted to speak, wanted to tell him that he had gotten it all wrong, that he had never meant it that way, that he had never meant to make him feel that way- but his throat was so tight, and the words just kept getting stuck. 

"And I get it", Crowley went on. "Can't change what I am, can I. Was my own damn fault, too. 'Sssss jussst- urgh." Crowley pressed a hand over his mouth, lowering his head in frustration at the hiss, but Aziraphale had already seen the forked tongue that had flicked out between his lips for a second. 

"Gotta live with it now", the demon said after a moment. "Made my peace with it. But I don't gotta remind you of all this depravity inside me."

He looked away, and everything in Aziraphale screamed. He felt his mouth opening silently, his head shaking in a tiny jerking motion, his fingers trembling where they'd slipped from Crowley's shoulder. Tears were shooting into his eyes, and his throat was so tight, so tight-

Crowley still wasn't looking at him, and that was wrong, Aziraphale thought, everything about Crowley sitting there was wrong, curled into himself, turned away from him- 

Aziraphale felt himself reaching out, hand shaking, until his fingertips brushed over the scales on Crowley's upper thigh. And god, they were lovely, just as soft and smooth as Aziraphale had imagined, and Crowley's head snapped around to him, eyes wide as he stared at the angel in shock.

"Angel, wait, what're you-"

Crowley broke off when he saw the look on Aziraphale's face, the tears standing in his eyes, his mouth hanging open as he watched Aziraphale inching closer, settling right in front of him, one hand still stroking gently over the scales as the other came up to cup the demon's cheek.

"Oh, Crowley..." Aziraphale shook his head, sadness flooding his whole being as the demon's eyes fluttered at his tender touch. "My sweet, sweet darling. Whatever have I done to you?"

Chapter Text

"Whatever have I done to you?"

Cause you said we could be angels again, Crowley's devastated voice echoed in Aziraphale's ears.

He thinks I want him to be an angel. He thinks I don't want to see him like this, that I don't want him like this-

"Oh, this is all my fault, isn't it", Aziraphale muttered, crestfallen.

"Wha-?" Crowley shook his head, eyes wide. "Angel-"

"Oh, Crowley." Guilt tore at Aziraphale's heart, settling heavily on his chest. "Oh, my darling, no. I never meant-" I never meant to imply anything like that, never meant for you to feel like- like... 

"When I said that, that we could be...angels-" The word felt strange in his mouth now, wrong. It had always been wrong, hadn't it? "It was just because I thought it might make you happy", Aziraphale said, desperate to make Crowley understand. "You were so lovely and joyful back then, so free of any burden tarnishing your spirit- oh, the way you marvelled shamelessly at the universe you helped create-" 

He couldn't help but smile fondly at the memory, at the sweet picture of innocence his beloved had made back then, so clearly the foundation of all that was good and kind about his demon now. 

"It was so beautiful to witness, Crowley, I couldn't help but hope you might come to be that way again."

Aziraphale shook his head guiltily, ashamed that he'd been so focused on who Crowley had been that he'd forgotten to appreciate how much more he had become, how much more they could become together. 

"But I was wrong to assume, I'm sorry", he said now, carding a hand through the demon's red hair as Crowley stared at him. "I communicated my intentions so terribly and I hurt you. That is entirely my fault and I apologise, sincerely. But please-" 

Aziraphale clasped one of the demon's hands, brought it to his lips to press a lingering kiss to his knuckles, smiling when he saw the tiniest of scales popping up between Crowley's fingers.

 "You may never think I'd prefer you as an angel, my dear", Aziraphale said sincerely, with all the truthfulness he held in his heart. "My sole concern to even suggest it was for your happiness."

He'd been wrong to ever think Crowley could find happiness in Heaven again, of course. He could see that all too clearly now. 

You don't know me, Crowley had accused him once.

I knew the angel you were, Aziraphale had said.

Crowley had scoffed. The angel you knew, that's not me.

And he had been right. He wasn't that angel anymore. He wasn't supposed to be that angel anymore. He had lived through so much, had been shaped by so many paths and choices. He was so much more now, so much more beautiful and extraordinary, and Aziraphale could never wish him any other way.

"I understand now that I was under a terrible misconception", the angel voiced his thoughts. "I should have known it wouldn't be what you'd want. You've always been better than I am, Crowley. I've always been too slow, you know that better than anyone." 

He smiled apologetically at the demon, seeking Crowley's gaze and making sure he listened intently. Not that it was necessary - Crowley was visibly hanging on every word from Aziraphale's lips, eager to soak up every scrap the angel was throwing him- and it pained Aziraphale to see how clearly Crowley had longed desperately to hear these things. 

"I don't want you to be anything other than what and who you are, do you understand me?", he said now, letting his thumb stroke over the soft scales between Crowley's fingers. "Do not ever believe I don't love you completely, just as you are."

He smiled through the ache in his chest as he watched Crowley's lips parting slightly, his face still so guarded, so doubtful-

"But...I-I'm-" Crowley broke off, his eyes wide and vulnerable, and he seemed to realise it, looking away quickly and avoiding the angel's gaze as he swallowed hard, and no, that would absolutely not do.

"While we're at it..." Aziraphale reached out, lightly touching the side of Crowley's jaw to coax him into turning his face back towards him. "I really liked that you started taking your glasses off anytime you entered the bookshop. I do wish you'll continue that habit, not wearing them when we're alone", he said hopefully. "And don't hide from me. I so love seeing your eyes."

"You do?"

So much surprise in his voice, so much disbelief and reluctance and scepticism- so much forcefully guarded hope-

"Very much", Aziraphale proclaimed.

"Why?" Crowley swallowed. "I mean- they're pretty..."

"Indeed." The angel smiled. "They're very pretty."

"Wha- no." Crowley bit his tongue, growling lightly in the back of his throat. "Nono, I meant- They're pretty snakey. Pretty...demonic."

"Oh." They were. But Aziraphale had never really seen them as such. Perhaps they had been a demon's eyes to him once, but they had quickly started to simply be Crowley's eyes. 

"Well", Aziraphale shrugged. "I suppose so, yes."

"You suppose so?" Crowley's eyebrows shot up in disbelief. "Angel, they're the one thing I can't ever hide about being a demon."

"I don't see why you'd try to hide it at all", Aziraphale said easily. "Not from me, at least."

"Well. Because..." Crowley sputtered, looking around the room in his search for words. When he looked back at the angel, his jaw was tense, his hands twitching agitatedly. 

"Because you're that", Crowley hissed, arms flailing in exasperation as he gestured down Aziraphale's body, "and I...I'm this-" He pointed at the scales on his legs. "A-And..."

"And nothing, dear boy", Aziraphale interrupted, covering one of Crowley's shaking hands with his own.

"I'm an angel, you're a demon, and nothing." 

He smiled at Crowley's dumbfounded face. 

"You're you, I'm me, and we're in love", Aziraphale said, still fascinated how easy those words came to him now, still astonished how this simple truth had escaped him for so long, had terrified him so profoundly when it was the most wonderful thing in the world. 

"We're in love", he said again, just because he could say it now. "There's nothing more to it as far as I'm concerned."

~oOo~

Crowley gaped at the angel in front of him.  

"B-But..." The demon's mouth opened, closed again, searching for a valid argument to object, his mind clinging onto its resistance, locked in his chamber of doubt where it was safe and familiar, while his heart was screaming at him to give in and believe any beautiful false things Aziraphale was telling him.

The angel sighed.

"Crowley." He smiled patiently. "Why do you think the Bentley turned yellow for me?"

Crowley's thoughts screeched to a halt.

"What're you-" He lifted a disbelieving eyebrow. "You wanna talk about the car now? Seriously?"

Aziraphale just kept smiling.

"Indulge me", his angel said. "Please."

And yeah, sure, whatever. If Aziraphale wanted to talk about the car, they would talk about the car. At least that was safe territory, he supposed.

"Okay. Ehm." Crowley shrugged, made a vague waving motion with his hand. "Just...supposed you liked the colour? 'S nice and sunny and bright, like-"

"Like your eyes?", Aziraphale said meaningfully, taking the wind right out of Crowley's sails.

Like you, he'd meant to say. Nice and sunny and bright like his angel's smile, like his angel's whole being. Not like...like-

Fucking fuck. Safe territory, my ass. 

"I-I..." He felt like his tongue was stuck to the top of his mouth, his eyes going wide - the same blasted eyes Aziraphale apparently loved, holy fuck - as the angel lifted a hand to his face, cupping his jaw and stroking a tender thumb over his cheekbone, right below his eye-

"Yellow has always been my favourite colour for a reason, my love", his angel said, and Crowley was sure his heart stopped beating for a second there. 

"Y-You mean-" He swallowed against the lump in his throat. "Cause of..?"

"The very same."

Crowley gaped at him, his jaw moving up and down wordlessly, and Aziraphale smiled at him so brightly, and Crowley loved him so much he thought he might burst with it.

"Oh, do come here, you silly serpent." The angel shook his head to himself, guiding Crowley towards him, both angelic hands framing his face now as he followed where Aziraphale led him, as he always did, always would. 

He let the angel lean their foreheads together for a moment, heart beating wildly in his chest as his mind fought to process his raging mess of emotions, and the smile on Aziraphale's face was so fond, so loving, so honest-

"Angel. I-I'm..."

"You", Aziraphale said before Crowley had a chance to talk himself into his own grave again. "You are you", his angel said, with that damn smile all over his face. "And I'm so terribly fond of you just as you are. This is the you I fell in love with, Crowley." A thumb caressed his cheek again, so soft, so much more tender than any demon should be touched. "And I want you to share yourself with me, dearest. Do not hold back, please." 

Aziraphale looked into his eyes, so deep Crowley was sure he could see right down to his damned soul, and a hand stroked down his back, just so grazing the scales along his spine, making him shudder.

He actually liked his scales, liked the way they looked, the way they felt against his sheets. He didn't mind any of his snake-like features, not anymore. It was just that he'd feared Aziraphale would shy away from them, wouldn't want to touch him. And no one had ever touched him like this before, no one but Crowley himself, and it was- it was...

The corner of Aziraphale's mouth twitched as Crowley's breath hitched.

"Eyes, scales, teeth..." Aziraphale touched a thumb to Crowley's bottom lip, parting his lips and baring his fangs for his angel's eyes. "You could turn into a proper snake right now for all I care, as long as you'd let me be there when you do", he said, such deep-rooted sincerity in his eyes that even Crowley's mind couldn't refuse him any longer. 

"Show me who you are", Aziraphale asked, like he had never wanted anything more. "And rest assured that there is nothing, no part of you, that could ever be less than beautiful to me."

Crowley could feel his eyes filling with tears, a sob clawing its way out of his throat without his consent. He had simply...waited so long for this, had been so sure he'd never get to hear Aziraphale say that kind of beautiful impossible thing-

The angel's eyes shone with sympathy, a soft hand reaching out to cup his cheek again.

"Oh, my dear. You have been yearning to hear these things, haven't you?"

The answer had to be written plainly on Crowley's face, as embarrassing as that was, but Aziraphale just nodded in understanding.

"You poor thing. This is all my fault, I should have told you sooner, should have shown you how completely and utterly adored you are."

Aziraphale pulled him into his arms, and Crowley fell willingly into the offered embrace, feeling safe and sheltered there as he had in his angel's presence ever since Aziraphale offered him refuge under his wing from the very first rain to ever fall on Earth. 

 "Oh Crowley..." The angel carded a hand through his hair. "Crowley, my sweet darling-"

"'S not your fault", the demon muttered, unable to stand the guilt in Aziraphale's voice when the angel had been the only being to ever make him feel like he was worth anything at all after the Fall. "You didn't know. Couldn't've known", Crowley said, kissing Aziraphale's shoulder. "Always been kind to me. Always been my best friend, angel."

Aziraphale sighed deeply.

"How I wish that were true."

Crowley leaned back, shaking his head.

"Aziraphale. I know what you're thinking, but we've been over this, yeah? All in the past."

The angel gave him a sad look, a hesitant smile, but nodded.

"Alright. But...just know that I'm sorry."

"'S okay." Crowley meant it. He was tired of living in the past, mourning what could have been, regretting what kept them apart.

All that mattered was that they were here now, together, and that Aziraphale was here to stay.

All that mattered was what they would make of their shared future, and as far as Crowley was concerned, he already had everything he needed in the promise of his angel by his side.

"Really, 's fine", he reassured Aziraphale. "Just kiss me, 'kay?"

A bright smile spread on the angel's face, and he took Crowley's hand, pulling him closer again in an invitation that the demon happily followed.

"That I can do", Aziraphale said, and then his lips were on Crowley's, and too late did he remember that his tongue was still forked, and Aziraphale was licking into his mouth, impossible that the angel didn't feel it-

He tensed reflexively, ready to pull back, to apologise- and then Aziraphale hummed happily into his mouth, caressing Crowley's snake tongue with his own again, and it felt like Crowley's screwed-up tilted world was bent back into shape right then and there. 

Aziraphale's hands rested on his shoulder, cautiously inching inwards across his shoulder blades until he brushed the scales along Crowley's spine with his fingertips, and Crowley made a little sound in the back of his throat that he might be embarrassed about if it wasn't for Aziraphale soothingly stroking his skin.

"Is it alright if I touch you like this?", the angel whispered against his lips, and Crowley needed a second, but he nodded.

"Yeah", he breathed, feeling his scales raising in anticipation. "If you want to."

Aziraphale smiled.

"Oh, I very much want to." 

"'Kay, then." 

The angel pressed a kiss to his cheek, a gesture Crowley understood as the 'thank you' it was.

"You can stop me at any time you like", Aziraphale said earnestly.

"Don't think I'll want to. But still, thanks."

"Of course, dearest."

The angel leaned in to capture Crowley's lips in a kiss again, slow and tender, but no less filled with emotion. His hand found the demon's spine again, and this time he didn't hesitate, allowed his fingers to trail over the scales there, all the way down to the waistband of his briefs. Crowley shuddered at the sensation, unfamiliar and intense and everything he hadn't known he wanted to feel until now. 

He couldn't help his back arching into the touch, and Aziraphale smiled against his lips, stroking his thumb repeatedly over the same spot, scales quivering and shifting under his ministrations.

"Lovely", Aziraphale mumbled, pressing his lips to the little snake tattoo next to Crowley's ear before leaning back, watching the scales rise up as if reaching for him as he stroked a single finger over a patch on Crowley's thigh. "Look at you. So pretty for me."

Crowley heard himself make a choked sound, but he was far too distracted to be embarrassed about it, watching his scales react to Aziraphale's touch, watching the awe on Aziraphale's face as he stared at them.

"Your scales are gorgeous, darling", the angel said, hand soothing down his thigh. "Just like silk under my fingers. Look how you react to me. Simply marvellous." 

The scales shifted under the angel's fingers again, exposing their most vulnerable spots to Aziraphale's gently probing hands, and Crowley couldn't contain it, couldn't even blame his body as it bared itself for Aziraphale hungrily, starved for more of that divine touch.  

The corner of the angel's mouth twitched at Crowley's display of lacking self-control, and maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that he was a weak son of a bitch when it made his angel look so pleased.

"And so beautifully sensitive, too", Aziraphale praised, smiling happily, and yes, this was fine, Crowley could melt away into a puddle of demonic goo if it made Aziraphale happy, absolutely. There were worse ways to go than dying from pleasure at an angel's hands. 

Said angel kept stroking his hand over that spot on Crowley's thigh, a soothing motion that looked more like Aziraphale was petting him than anything else, and Crowley was sure he would have fucking purred if snakes made any sound like that. 

"Angel", he breathed out instead, causing Aziraphale's eyes to rip away from watching his own hand trailing over his scales and meeting Crowley's gaze instead.

"Thank you for letting me see you, darling", his angel said, and he sounded so fucking grateful Crowley could barely stand it. "Always so good to me. My perfect demon."

My perfect demon.

Aziraphale knew what he was, knew who he was.

And he called him perfect anyway.

Crowley choked on a wave of emotion, a shaky exhale leaving his lungs as he looked at Aziraphale with watery eyes, overwhelming love filling his chest to the brim.

"How?" He felt himself smiling in disbelief. "How did someone like you lose your heart to a demon like me?"

And Aziraphale smiled back, hand resting on Crowley's thigh now, just a grounding weight in a world where Crowley felt like his centre of gravity had just been shifted. 

"I didn't lose it", Aziraphale said, and in his eyes, Crowley could read the unspoken words, the earth-shattering truth of a love millennia in the making. 

It wasn't a loss. It was a choice. It was a gift. 

Aziraphale entwined their fingers, smiling. 

"I gave it away."

Chapter Text

I gave it away.

The words hit Crowley like a ton of bricks. 

Those words. Those fucking words that had haunted him, had stayed with him since-

"Fucking-" He cursed under his breath. "Hell, angel. You can't just say shit like that." 

Was Aziraphale even aware that he'd just turned Crowley's entire world upside down with those four little words?

"You do know 's what you said about your sword, right?", it tumbled out of him, words frantic and rushed like the heartbeat in his chest. "Those exact words. Remember it like fucking yesterday."

And he did. He remembered the breeze on his scales and the earth under his belly as he slithered up to the wall, and the angel standing there, the way the sunlight hit the angel's hair and made the soft white-blonde locks glow even more beautifully than a halo could.

"Remember seeing you for the first time, up there on the wall", Crowley said, the memory playing in front of his inner eye, spilling from his lips to paint the picture for Aziraphale. "Stood there in your perfectly white robes and those fluffy white wings, so fucking pretty. And you were up there on that wall, first angel I'd seen since-" 

Since I fell. You were the first and most beautiful thing I'd seen since I fell. 

"And I figured, just go, worst thing that can happen is that he banishes you back to Hell. But you didn't. You talked to me, told me about how you were worried about that stupid sword of yours, and you were kind and conflicted and beautiful- and then you said you'd given it away, against orders, because you were just so kind, same way you talked to me cause you were kind, and I just-"

He just...knew. When he first met the angel, he knew in a moment that he would have to spend the next few days rearranging his mind so there would be room for Aziraphale to stay. And he had lived there since, in that spacious room in Crowley's head, safe and sound and sheltered away from Hell's prying eyes, and even Aziraphale's own.

"I just knew", Crowley said out loud. "Knew right then and there that you were different, and special, and that I wouldn't forget about you for years to come and when you put up your wing against the rain and...and-"

Crowley trailed off, emerging from his memories like from a dream, and he realized Aziraphale was staring at him with parted lips and wide shiny eyes, like Crowley had just unravelled the most beautiful wonder of the universe to him, and damn, maybe he had revealed quite a bit more there than he'd meant to and-

"Shit." Crowley bit his lip, rubbing his neck as he felt his cheeks heating up. "I just meant that you weren't what I'd expected, and I didn't even know yet I'd be stationed down here with you, 's not why I approached you, I just wanted to, because- wait. W-Why am I rambling, why don't you stop me?"

And Aziraphale chuckled, gifting him with a beaming smile and leaning in to press a kiss to Crowley's cheek.

"You're adorable when you're flustered, my dear", the angel said, and Crowley's blush deepened.

"Am not." Crowley pressed his teeth together, ears burning. "Demon. Demons aren't anything of the sort."

"Whatever you say, love."

Aziraphale was smiling, eyes sparkling with amusement, the little bastard, obviously not having any of Crowley's bullshit - and Crowley kind of wanted the earth to open up and swallow him whole, yet he also couldn't help being strangely pleased about the way his angel saw through him like he was a freshly cleaned window. 

"And, for the record", Aziraphale said, reaching out and brushing the back of his fingers over Crowley's glowing red cheek, "I remember it too. Every detail. I thought you were so lovely in Eden", he admitted a little bashfully, like it had been a carefully guarded secret, and it probably had been. "Just as lovely as you had been as an angel. I remembered you from back then, you know." 

Now it was Aziraphale's turn to blush, and Crowley stared in fascination as the angel lowered his eyes for a moment, clearing his throat as his cheeks coloured. 

"I remembered having quite the improper thoughts when we first met", Aziraphale said then, eyes meeting Crowley's, his hands fidgeting in his lap. "How I scolded myself for thinking how much more beautiful you were than even the stars you created in Her name, because that had to be blasphemous, surely."

Aziraphale chuckled, shaking his head to himself. When he smiled at Crowley, his eyes were calm and earnest, his hand warm and steady as it settled on top of the demon's.

"I apologise for all the times I made you feel like you were somewhat lesser", Aziraphale said seriously, squeezing his fingers. "You're not. It doesn't matter what you are, Crowley. I know who you are. And your soul shines brighter than any I know, my darling. It always has."

And Crowley...Crowley didn't fucking know what to say to that, what to possibly say to that, something that sounded like it had been plucked right out of his wildest fantasies. But he didn't have to say anything, apparently, because the angel continued before he had the chance to speak anyway.

"I believe I was a lost cause when it came to you from the very moment I met you", Aziraphale said, the corner of his mouth tugging up playfully. "It's been rather inconvenient", the angel joked, and Crowley adored that fucking bastard more than he could comprehend.

"Just shut up and kiss me."

And Aziraphale did.

He kissed him like he never wanted to do anything but taste Crowley's lips, like the slide of their mouths was everything he needed to survive, and Crowley moaned quietly when the angel grabbed his hips, hands feeling huge on the demon's slim waist, tugging and pulling and manoeuvring him easily until Crowley felt himself pressed flush against Aziraphale's chest, sat neatly on one of the angel's thick thighs. 

The arousal that had been cut off cold over the shock of his snake nature taking over, then simmered back to life slowly by Aziraphale petting his scales...it returned with a vengeance now, Crowley's breath hitching as he shifted, knees spread around that delectable thigh that had been the stuff of his dreams for longer than he cared to admit. Aziraphale pulled him in, one hand still curled around Crowley's hip to hold him steady, the other trailing up his spine, over his neck and into his hair so he could tilt the demon's head as he pleased, bringing their mouths together over and over. 

Crowley could feel a pulse between his legs, hips twitching forward of their own accord just as Aziraphale's fingers tightened in his hair to guide him, gently but insistently, mouths aligning just as Aziraphale wanted. So, seemed he had a little thing for angelic manhandling. Whatever. 

"Crowley..." Aziraphale kissed the corner of his mouth, his cheek, just under his jaw. "Dear, I..."

"Yes." His nails dug into Aziraphale's back, knees trembling as he forced himself to stay still. "Tell me."

"I don't know." The angel's lips trailed down his neck, open-mouthed and wet, hot breath against his collarbone, the faintest scrape of teeth on his shoulder. "It's so much", Aziraphale said into his skin. "I don't know how to-"

"Yeah." Crowley closed his eyes, head rolling back as the angel's mouth latched onto the crook where neck met shoulder, kissing and sucking, soothing the skin with his tongue. Leave a bruise, leave a bruise, mark me up, please, yes, fucking God- Sa-

"The good kind of much though, right?", he asked, and Aziraphale hummed, vibrations somehow sinking into Crowley's skin and all the way down his spine.

"The best."

"Yeah", he said again, hips twitching, rolling under Aziraphale's hands, into Aziraphale's thigh. 

The fabric of his boxers caught against his clit, a delicious kind of barely-there pressure as he adjusted his position, wiggling so his inner folds were spread open on the angel's leg, rubbing against the ample flesh through the thin barrier of his briefs. It was like every fantasy he'd ever had, and he couldn't stop his hips from jerking forward again, into that gorgeous thigh, into that maddening friction. 

Crowley bit his tongue to stifle a moan, then remembered that he shouldn't do that, exhaling the tension on a shaky breath instead. Aziraphale's hand on his hip tightened suddenly, perfectly manicured nails digging into his skin through his boxers, fingertips curling around the demon's protruding hip bones. 

The next roll of his lower body was accompanied by a sharply sucked-in breath from Aziraphale, his other hand flying to Crowley's hip as well, applying just the lightest pressure and guiding him into the motion, encouraging him to keep up the movement, to make it bigger, bolder. 

Crowley was powerless to do anything but obey, hips shifting back and forth fluidly, back arched to grind his groin down into soft yet sturdy flesh, black fabric going damp against Aziraphale's skin. Little panting breaths were escaping his lungs, sparks shooting up his spine with each roll of hips.

"Does it feel good?" 

Aziraphale sounded breathless next to Crowley's ear, hands flexing on Crowley's waistline.  

He nodded mindlessly.

"I want to make you feel good", the angel breathed out. "Show me how, darling."

"This." Crowley forced his eyes open- when had he closed them, anyway?? "This is good", he sighed. "Always wanted- fuck-"

"Did you think about us like this, love?" Aziraphale's voice was low, sending a shiver down his spine. "Spread out over me, riding my thigh, arching into me so beautifully?"

Goddammit, the angel's blasted voice so proper and collected had no right to be as hot as it was.

"Yeah", he admitted before he could think better of it. "Thighs. Got a thing for your..."

"Do you really?" Aziraphale was audibly delighted, kissing down his jaw. "How marvellous."

"Angel..."

Crowley's hips stuttered, eyes meeting Aziraphale's, dark with lust and absolutely not helping his situation right now.

"Look at you", Aziraphale said in awe, gaze sweeping down Crowley's body in a way that was entirely too arousing. "You're stunning like this, Crowley. Keep going, take your pleasure from me. Yes, just like that-"

And it was too much, his words, his voice, his eyes, the ache between his legs and the pleasure pooling in his gut- Crowley forced his hips to still, biting his bottom lip hard, just shy of puncturing it with his fang, barely suppressing a whine at the sudden lack of stimulation. He breathed shakily through his nose as his fingers dug so deeply into Aziraphale's back he was sure his nails left little crescent marks in his skin. 

"Why did you stop?"

Aziraphale sounded openly disappointed, and that was a little more than Crowley's still racing heart could take right now.

He let his body slump forward, forehead braced against Aziraphale's shoulder as the angel's hands instantly left his hips to stroke soothingly up his back, his scales shivering along his spine. 

"Didn't want it to be over yet", he said, concentrating on his breathing as his heart slowed, the throbbing in his groin eased. He closed his eyes, flicked out his tongue, soaking in the calming scent of his angel - not biting in his nose like most angels' sharp tang of aggressive disinfectant, but the clean smell of fresh air, the warm scent of rain and sunlight on lush greenery that was so uniquely Aziraphale. 

"My dear." There was a smile in the angel's voice, and Crowley soaked that up, too. "We may be engaging in activities that are quite human in nature", the angel said, "but you mustn't forget that other than humans, we are not at all bound by limitations as impractical as refractory periods."

Crowley's eyes flew open at that, back straightening and leaning back to meet Aziraphale's bright eyes, his easy smile.

"And with your current effort, no less", the angel pointed out. "I certainly wouldn't have complained about watching you unravel for me more than once."

"Ngk." 

He opened his mouth to say something, but the only thing that came out was a long hiss. Crowley swore under his breath.

"Ah, goddammit-"

"I find that quite endearing, you know."

His gaze shot back to Aziraphale's face, the twitch in the corner of his mouth.

"Wha- the hissing?" Crowley raised his eyebrows. "You serious?"

"Oh, yes. What can I say?" Aziraphale shrugged his shoulders. "Everything about you is endearing to me. I'm a hopeless romantic, I'm afraid."

Romantic. Crowley snorted. Yeah, right.

"Romantic, my ass. You're a kinky bastard, 's what you are."

Aziraphale opened his mouth, his brow furrowing almost theatrically at such outrageous words of slander. It was pretty hilarious, in Crowley's opinion. 

"I beg your pardon?"

"A kinky bastard", Crowley repeated, a grin spreading on his face at the angel's scandalized expression. "And a damn hedonist on top of it. And I fucking love that about you."

The indignant look vanished from Aziraphale's face as quickly as it had appeared, first replaced with surprise, then overtaken by a cute, rosy blush as the angel smiled bashfully. 

"Y-You do?", he asked, and it was so fucking adorable Crowley couldn't help but grin wider at the sight like the love-struck fool he absolutely was.

"Really do", he confirmed easily, watching the angel's cheek colour further.

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Crowley smiled crookedly. 

Surely, that couldn't have been such a mind-blowing revelation. He really had always been terribly obvious about it, hadn't he? Dangerously so, if you thought about it.

"That honestly surprising to you?", he asked, dumbfounded at the earnestly innocent look on Aziraphale's face that was answer enough. He laughed disbelievingly.

Jesus fucking Christ. How much of an adorable oblivious idiot can one angel be?

"Listen", Crowley said pointedly, unable to stop smiling. "Angel. Sweetheart. Love of my immortal life." 

Aziraphale blushed furiously again, quite an impressive task considering he'd been so pink-cheeked already, ducking his head with a smile, and Crowley felt his grin melt into a soft smile of his own. 

"I think I've made it abundantly clear over the last six thousand years that I like it plenty to indulge you", the demon said. "Hamlet, crepes, books, sushi, dumb fucking magic tricks - you name it. You know what you like, and you ain't afraid to show it." 

It had always been one of Aziraphale's best qualities in his opinion, the way the angel was completely unapologetic in his enjoyment. 

"And I enjoy watching you enjoy yourself, especially if it's because of something I've done for you", he admitted, though it was rather more of a spelling out what had been clear for millennia than a confession. "Really, really like it. So yeah, be a hedonist, be the biggest fucking hedonist there ever was, I beg you." Crowley grinned at the angel's wide eyes, the happy little twitch in the corner of his mouth. "Long as you lemme watch while you are", he added for good measure, going so far as to give the angel a little wink, and yep, there was that blush again.

"W-Well." Aziraphale cleared his throat, but Crowley could see he was pleased beyond anything else beneath the flustered surface. "I'm sure that can be arranged", Aziraphale said, and Crowley's grin spread.

"Sweet."

"But Crowley." The angel smiled at him, calmer now, collected and with that special brand of kindness that was uniquely Aziraphale's. "I do find pleasure in a great many things, you're right", Aziraphale said. "And I have certainly been known not to make a secret of it either. And I like it as well, having you indulge me, very much so." 

The corner of the angel's mouth twitched with the hint of a smirk. 

"Like with those crepes in Paris, but...surely, you must know that I enjoyed those things so much more then because you were with me." Aziraphale chuckled. "Don't misunderstand me, there certainly is something to be said about the appeal of a real Parisian crepe, but..." 

He trailed off, the amused sparkle in his eyes replaced by pure fondness and affection as he took Crowley's hand, let a thumb stroke tenderly over his scaly knuckles. 

"It all appears rather insignificant in comparison to the happiness I find in you", his angel said, and Crowley's silly little heart skipped a beat in his chest. He ducked his head, smiling to himself.

"Angel." He sounded so love-sick it wasn't even funny, but Aziraphale smiled, so it was alright.

"Thank you, darling", the angel said then, just that, and Crowley squeezed his hand.

"What for?"

"Allowing me to be so...unabashedly myself."

Oh. Well. Crowley had always had rather selfish reasons for that if you asked him, but whatever. 

He shrugged lightly.

"'S how I like you best", he said, cause it was true, and there was nothing more to it. 

"I understand the sentiment completely."

They smiled at each other, Aziraphale's fingers finding their way between Crowley's, linking tightly and squeezing even tighter. 

Eyes locked, they stared in shared silence until the sweet moment slowly melted away, the air growing thicker between them, a mutual sense of heat spreading as Crowley's tongue darted out to wet his lips, Aziraphale's eyes darkening slightly as they tracked the motion. 

Their gazes were fixed on the other like drawn by a magnetic pull, but neither moved. Crowley could hear his heart starting to beat faster in his ears, humming with anticipation. His fingers twitched in Aziraphale's, and he saw the angel swallow hard. 

"Do it, then", Crowley heard himself say, voice just a little breathless, the look on the angel's face making him bold.  "Go on." 

Crowley paused, saw that his words were received as the invitation they were, the offer they had to be, the challenge they wanted to become. 

He swallowed hard, staring into stormy blue. 

"Indulge."

Chapter Text

"Indulge."

Crowley could watch as Aziraphale's eyes darkened, pupils blowing wider with a look in those eyes that was both temptingly dangerous and irresistibly enticing. He wanted to drown in those eyes, wanted to unleash the meticulously guarded desire on the angel's face and be devoured by it. 

"You should be careful what you wish for, darling." Aziraphale licked his lips, his fingers flexing like he was trying to hold back from reaching out. "We just established that I'm quite the unapologetic hedonist, and you're just what I've been starving for ever since I can recall."

Feast on me, then, Crowley thought, desperate for it in a way he couldn't look at too closely. I've been starving too. Make me forget what hunger even means.

"No reason to keep holding back, then." Crowley pressed himself closer, scooting further into the angel's lap, his movement smooth and fluid like the snake he'd been as he slithered around the Tree. "I'm right here."

"You are, aren't you?" Aziraphale reached out, lips slightly parted as he stroked his thumb over Crowley's bottom lip, feeling it give under the pressure.

"Lovely thing", the angel murmured, awed. "Mine for the taking."

Yours. Six thousand times yours. 

"What do you want, angel?" 

Crowley knew he might be playing with fire here, and wasn't that just the most ridiculous thought - he was the demon, after all. He was supposed to be the one versed in all matters of lust and sin, the great original tempter. As it happened, he may be the one tempting here, yet Aziraphale was holding all the cards, and Crowley wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

"Tell me", he said, legs slightly shaking with anticipation. 

I'll give you anything. Anything at all.

"Oh, I'm afraid going through that list would require much more time than I have patience for right now." Aziraphale had let his hand wander from Crowley's mouth to the line of his jaw, watching as he trailed a single finger down the demon's throat. "It may suffice to say - everything." 

He paused, hand stilling next to Crowley's bobbing Adam's apple.

"Everything you're willing to give", Aziraphale said, voice low yet gentle in a way that made Crowley feel safe, carrying the promise of more but never too much. 

"I'm gonna need that list", the demon said, pointedly raising his eyebrows when Aziraphale chuckled under his breath. "I ain't kiddin'", he persisted, returning the angel's amused smile. "I want that list. In writing."

"Of course." Aziraphale nodded seriously, a sparkle in his eyes.

"Tell me one thing on it now."  

~oOo~

Crowley sounded a little breathless, pressing into his touch eagerly as Aziraphale continued the path of his hand, trailing the tip of his finger over the demon's collarbone.

"Tell me the thing you wanna do...right now", Crowley said, and despite all the different thoughts and possibilities rushing through his mind, it wasn't hard for Aziraphale to pick what he was desperate for the most. 

"I want to see you", he said slowly, calm and collected, tasting the words on his tongue like he longed to taste Crowley's skin. "I want to explore you, touch every inch of you with my hands and my mouth until I know your body like the back of my hand, and I want to watch you react to me with all the reckless abandon I can entice in you. I want to lay you into your black silk sheets, all spread out for me, and I want to learn everything that makes you writhe and moan my name in pleasure."

Crowley was breathing hard by the time the last word echoed around them, a demon's breath hitched at an angel's words of passion, and Aziraphale relished the sound, eager to hear it again.

I want to see you fall apart beneath my hands, shattering before my eyes, unguarded and undisguised in your longing for me, and then I want to put you back together, honouring the trust you put in me to do so, and I want to do it over and over and over again-

"Angel-" The name Crowley had given him, a choked sound in the demon's throat. 

"What do you want, Crowley?", Aziraphale asked, hand stroking soothingly down the demon's side. "What is it you need?"

"Two different things though, want and need."

"Tell me both, then."

Crowley swallowed hard, drawing in a shaky breath. 

"Want...I-I want-" Crowley paused, grabbing the angel's hand that wasn't occupied stroking his skin and placing it on his own back, wrapping himself in Aziraphale's arms. "Everything you just said", he said then, eyes open and surprisingly vulnerable. "Wanna feel you-"

"Where?"

"Everywhere." He gripped at Aziraphale's back, something desperate sparking to life in the depth of his eyes. "Been so cold", Crowley said, small, quiet, urgent. "'S been so cold here without you. Wanna feel your warmth all over me." 

Aziraphale wondered for a second if that was the snake in Crowley speaking, curling towards him like he was seeking a sunny rock to warm his glossy scales. The image filled him with a different kind of warmth, a warmth that started deep in his chest and spread out into his limbs - to be Crowley's sun, his comfort, his safety, his shelter, his home-

"Angel", Crowley said again, that same desperation the angel had seen in his eyes now seeping into his voice, fanning the warmth in Aziraphale's chest until it became a flame, equally desperate in its desire to tenderly comfort as to passionately devour. 

"I-I need-" Crowley arched into him, a plea clear on his face. "Angel, please-"

Aziraphale surged in and kissed him, wrapping a strong arm around Crowley's waist and lower back to pull him down into the sheets, Crowley sprawled out between his pillows with Aziraphale hovering over him, blanketing his lithe body.

"Like this?", he asked, feeling the warmth of his chest bleed into Crowley's beneath him, the demon nodding frantically.

"Perfect."

"And...?" Aziraphale pressed his lips to Crowley's shoulder. "I believe you were going to tell me what you need."

"What I...what I need..."

Crowley was smiling when Aziraphale drew back to look at him, eyes soft and tender.

"Have it already", Crowley said, fingertips lightly brushing the side of the angel's face. "You're here."

Aziraphale could feel his eyes watering, his throat closing up as he looked down at that gentle smile on his beloved's face. 

"Crowley."

"Don't." Crowley cupped his cheek and wiped the tear away that had escaped the corner of his eye, and Aziraphale caught the demon's hand before he could pull it back, turning his head to press his lips to Crowley's palm. 

It was a thank you. A promise to never lose this again. An oath to keep this love sacred. 

"Aziraphale." It was just a whisper on Crowley's tongue, and Aziraphale was struck with the sudden burning need to feel it, to taste his own name on his demon's lips.

Their mouths collided in a searing kiss, and Aziraphale revelled in the sensation of it all, the drag of their lips together, the wet heat of Crowley's tongue against his own, the taste of smoky sweetness he'd learned to associate with the demon by now. It was true and real and a little messy, a dazzling sense of purity in its rawness, and Aziraphale never wanted it to stop.

"I could keep kissing you until the end of time", he breathed into the space between them, pressing another kiss to the corner of Crowley's mouth just to feel the give of his swollen, spit-slick lips again. 

"The feeling of your lips against mine...", he said, "it's such an inherently human way to experience closeness, but perhaps that's just what I enjoy about it. Thought about it so many times, Crowley." A kiss to his cheek, his jaw, back to his mouth. "Nothing came even close to reality."

He captured those tempting lips once more, smiling to himself when the little nibble on Crowley's bottom lip earned him a whimper. He licked into the demon's mouth, eager to chase more of that flavour he'd quickly grown addicted to, and Crowley - perfect, marvellous Crowley - happily allowed him to deepen the kiss however he pleased. The demon chased after him when he finally drew back, and Aziraphale smiled. 

"And you taste simply delectable, dear", he mumbled, just thinking of some other places he'd very much like to taste the demon- when Crowley tensed slightly under his hands, a look of uncertainty flashing over his face.

"I don't..." Crowley hesitated. "I don't taste like sulfur and brimstone to you?"

He looked surprised, shifting slightly uncomfortably as Aziraphale's brow furrowed.

"Not at all", he said, shaking his head for good measure. "You taste smoky...like a good barbecue", he mused, pleased to note the hesitant, hopeful little twitch in the corner of Crowley's mouth. 

"No actually..it's better than that", he corrected, grasping for the right words to capture it. "There's a sweetness to it, this undertone of....mhm. Yes. Like a burnt marshmallow you were too impatient to roast slowly so you just held it into the flame, and now it's charred around the edges and tastes like ash and smoke on the outside, but you don't mind in the least because it's still just as perfectly sweet and gooey within. That's what you taste like."

Crowley stared at him, his stunned expression slowly melting into a grin.

"Jesus, angel." Crowley threw an arm over his eyes with a chuckle. "You thought far too long and hard about this, y'know that?"

"I beg to differ, my dear. Even if I spent hours quietly musing about one single detail, it would still not be enough time to explore you with the kind of devotion you deserve."

And before Crowley could open his mouth to protest, Aziraphale leaned in and started kissing down his chest, cutting the demon's answer off quite effectively as he sucked a dusky nipple into his mouth. Crowley choked on a moan, fingers finding their way into Aziraphale's hair, weaving themselves between his locks.

"A-Angel-" 

Aziraphale licked over the perked nub, humming appreciatively when he felt blunt nails scratching lightly at his scalp. Crowley squirmed, back arching into the angel's touch as Aziraphale abandoned his task in order to let his mouth trace further, nuzzling into the light red hair on his chest, flicking his tongue over soft scales, mouthing at freckles forming constellations like the stars their holder had created. 

"So beautiful", he whispered into the demon's skin, trailing kisses across his chest, down his ribs, over his hip.

Aziraphale pulled down the offending fabric of Crowley's underwear until he could latch onto a patch of skin where the demon's hipbone stood out starkly next to a scattering of scales. He sucked a mark there, encouraged by Crowley moaning his name above him. 

And perhaps he didn't need Heaven to be a good place if he could have this, be here, in this feeling, with the one he loved.  Perhaps heaven was real after all, not the one, the metaphorical one, the one humans wrote about and hoped for. Perhaps it was right here.

I know heaven's a thing. I go there when you touch me. 

Aziraphale soothed over Crowley's skin with his tongue, leaning back to admire his work, the beautiful red spot that would surely darken into purple soon, a wave of possessiveness washing over him at the sight. His hands tightened where he was holding onto Crowley's waist, his eyes ripping away from the forming bruise to meet the demon's wide eyes staring down at him. 

Crowley's mouth was hanging open, lips swollen red, hair dishevelled, and Aziraphale could not have imagined anything more stunning in all of creation. 

He had always been a creature of faith, and right now, his every prayer was directed at the demon before him, his soul reaching out in helpless adoration. He'd gladly cut ties with Heaven if it meant he got to have this instead - when he could find religion in those lips, when he could pay tribute at the altar of everything that was his beloved, his Crowley. 

When all else failed, he'd still worship this love. 

Aziraphale let his hand travel down the inside of Crowley's thigh, passing soft skin and even softer scales, carefully inching forward until his fingertips brushed the fabric of Crowley's briefs. 

"Is this okay?"

He held the demon's gaze, waiting patiently until Crowley nodded, a delighted noise escaping the angel as he gently cupped him in his palm, the heel of Aziraphale's hand grinding against him slowly, applying the lightest amount of pressure. 

Crowley sucked in a sharp breath, groaning brokenly as Aziraphale found his sensitive flesh through the thin fabric separating them. His fingers stroked exploratorily over the dark patch where the demon's underwear was still damp, pressing in carefully until he could feel his soft folds underneath, caressing up and down between them. 

"I'm still a little disappointed you stopped earlier before I could see you come apart for me, dearest", the angel said, kissing the demon's knee where Crowley's legs were trembling slightly beside him. 

"Just wanted..." Crowley rocked down into his touch, swallowing hard. "Wanted to draw it out a little more. K-Kinda part of the fun, innit?"

"Oh?" Interesting.

Aziraphale's hand stilled, earning him a little whine.

"Is that something you enjoy?", he dared to ask, heart beating in his chest at the look on Crowley's face. "To have your pleasure delayed? Perhaps..." He hesitated, took a breath. "Perhaps...controlled, even?"

"Ngk-" Crowley flushed a deep red, his head rolling back into the cushions. "I...ah..."

"Crowley?"

The demon bit his lip, eyes darting away from Aziraphale's for a second before settling on him again with a cautious wry smile.

"Yeaahhh...uh." Crowley shrugged. "M-Maybe? Sometimes?"

Oh, Lord in Heaven, help me. 

Aziraphale could feel heat surging through him, his skin burning with the implication of countless alluring possibilities Crowley had just opened to his greedy mind. The hand still touching Crowley began to move again of its own accord, finding the sensitive little nub he knew to be nestled there, the pads of his fingers dancing around it just to hear the demon's breath hitch.

"You gorgeous creature." Crowley moaned quietly, melting into his touch, and Aziraphale wanted to give him everything. "You truly are perfect, aren't you?"

"Shit, you're into that." Crowley gasped, throwing his head back on a disbelieving laugh as he seemed to recognize the hunger in Aziraphale's eyes for what it was.

"Fuck", he pressed out. "I'm over here feeling like a needy idiot and you're into it-"

"I believe it's fair to say that I am very much 'into' you, dear boy", Aziraphale said. "Whatever that may include."

~oOo~

Crowley didn't know what to do with himself. 

Aziraphale's fingers were still teasing him relentlessly, enough to stroke the fire inside him but so fucking gentle the friction was as maddening as it was gratifying. His hip stung where the angel's mouth had left its mark - and fuck, to be physically marked as Aziraphale's - his skin singing with the echo of the angel's touch all over him, and now that look on Aziraphale's face, the pure longing in those blue eyes-

"Fucking Hell, you're gonna kill me."

He could barely get out the words he was about to say, but he really needed to know, needed to hear-

"You're really down- shit, you wanna control me, angel? Have me at your mercy-" Not that he wasn't at the angel's mercy already as it was. Fuck, fuck, fu-

"Hmm." The heel of Aziraphale's palm pressed just a little harder into him, grinding down where Crowley met him eagerly with a desperate roll of his hips. "I can't deny that the thought of you...entrusting your pleasure to me in such a way is...highly enticing." 

Aziraphale, the bastard, fucking licked his lips, and yeah, Crowley was done for alright. 

"Yes", the angel said, far too calmly for someone with a voice so dripping with lust, "I think that is a thought we will definitely revisit at a later point in time, if you're amenable. Now, however-"

He started kissing down the inside of Crowley's thigh, nibbling on the skin there. His fingers abandoned Crowley's clit, stroking down instead, pressing searchingly until he had parted the outer lips of his cunt and pushed two fingers between them into the wetness seeping through his boxers. 

"Angel-" Crowley's legs trembled, hips rocking down as he cursed the blasted material keeping him from feeling the angel's touch the way he wanted.

"Aziraphale, please-"

"Look at you." The angel watched his own hands at work, his thumb rubbing over the increasingly damp patch of fabric with a look of fascination. "So lovely."

A whine clawed its way out of his throat, head rolling back into the soft mattress.

And then something was smoothing down his side, the angel's other hand stroking soothingly over his hip and coming to rest at the edge of his underwear, fingers toying with the waistband.

"Crowley, may I-"

"Yes", he blurted out, too impatient to wait for the end of the question. "Yes, yes, Satan, yes! Please, just-"

And finally, Aziraphale abandoned his place between Crowley's legs, stopping his teasing ministrations to slowly peel down his briefs instead, pulling the last piece of clothing concealing him from the angel's eyes down his legs and off the edge of the bed-

And Aziraphale stared at him, lips parted as he exhaled a slow breath, and Crowley couldn't stand that he wasn't touching him anymore, couldn't stand the sudden lack of closeness, couldn't stand that overwhelming look of awe on the angel's face- it was too much and not nearly enough and he needed- he needed-

"Come up here", he said, the plea clear in his voice as he reached out. "Please, please, I gotta-"

Thank fuck Aziraphale ripped his eyes away from him and followed without question, letting himself be drawn into a desperate kiss as soon as he was within reach of Crowley's greedy hands. 

The demon shuddered as Aziraphale's fingers brushed along his now bare hips, pulling him impossibly closer on pure instinct until he could feel the angel's hardness pressing into his abdomen, slotting into the crease where stomach met thigh and-

"Can I..." Crowley trailed a hand down between their bodies, felt the angel's stomach muscles clench under his fingertips. "Can I touch you?", he asked. "Please, I want- I-I need..."

"Of course, my love." 

He didn't lose any time, Aziraphale's eyes fluttering shut on a shaky sigh as Crowley's hand closed around his clothed erection, and he couldn't stand that either, to only feel fabric where warm skin should have been-

"Can I take these off?" He stilled his hand, waited for Aziraphale to open his eyes, to see his own emotion in them. "Please, angel. Wanna see you."

Aziraphale nodded, lifting his hips a little higher to comfortably reach down.

"Let me-" 

His fingers were trembling as he freed Aziraphale of the last garment between them, his breath shaky as he let it fall to the floor and brought his eyes back to his angel- and Crowley was hit with waves of so many desires all at once that he couldn't decide what he wanted more - to feel his warmth in his hand, his weight on his tongue, his girth deep inside him-

"Fuck", he breathed out, "the things I wanna do to you."

Chapter Text

"The things I wanna do to you."

Crowley couldn't stand another second of not touching his angel, so he pulled Aziraphale in, wrapping his arms around the angel's back and arching into him, hungry to feel as much of Aziraphale's skin against his as possible.

"Do tell", Aziraphale said, gasping next to Crowley's ear as his cock got trapped between their bodies, pressing into the demon's abdomen-

And how on earth was Crowley supposed to answer that?

To be frank - Crowley had spent millennia thinking up countless ways for Aziraphale to fuck him.

He really wasn't picky, would take anything and everything Aziraphale was ready and willing to try. He'd imagined how it would be to have Aziraphale inside him, or to be inside Aziraphale, had tried to picture the noises Aziraphale might make while the angel had his mouth on him (would it be similar to the way he sounded while eating an especially delicious piece of cake?), or while Crowley sucked him off, or while he sucked Crowley off, or while Crowley rode his cock. He wanted to find out if either of them had a preference when it came to genitals and ways to combine them, if feeling Aziraphale like this would be different from having him while Crowley had a cock as well. The possibilities really seemed endless, and Crowley had probably pictured them all. 

To sum it up: Crowley was very flexible. (That is to say, his body was, as well as options to use it.)

"I..." I don't even know where to begin. 

It seemed a little greedy, even for a demon, putting out there all the filthy thoughts he'd had, especially in times when they had still been forbidden. He knew Aziraphale wouldn't mind, knew the angel had probably had enough of his own, the wicked bastard. 

And still, keeping them in your mind and speaking them aloud were two different things entirely. Like giving his fantasies a physical form in words somehow made it all so much more undeniably real and overwhelming. 

"List", he said instead, clutching at Aziraphale's back to pull the angel into him, closer, closer, the snake inside him eager to coil around the angel's form and feel all that warm skin pressed against his own.

"We're gonna make that list. Can't- right now, 's too much, I-"

Aziraphale hummed, kissing Crowley's throat as he rocked against the demon in the tiniest of movements.

Crowley closed his eyes, tried to control his breathing as he allowed himself a moment to just feel, the sensation of his angel's naked body so close, the proof of Aziraphale's desire for him pushing into his hip, his legs falling open and wrapping around the angel's waist to keep him just here where Crowley wanted him. 

Aziraphale sighed against Crowley's skin, mouth pressing wetly to the underside of his jaw.

"You feel so wonderful, darling", Aziraphale breathed, and Crowley could only agree. 

It wasn't enough, though. He wanted to feel more. He wanted to feel the silky hardness in his hand, wanted to taste the salty skin on his tongue, wanted to watch Aziraphale's face contort in rapture while Crowley touched him- only, to do any of that he'd need to move, to separate their bodies as they were...and giving this up even just to come together again in a different way-

It seemed an unreasonably high price to pay while Crowley was so comfortably blanketed by his angel's body, with Aziraphale's mouth against his skin and Aziraphale's hips rocking into him and Aziraphale's breathy little pants in his ear. 

The thought of breaking that contact was nearly unbearable, but he could feel his curiosity winning out, his burning need to explore more of his angel taking over and driving him to lightly push against Aziraphale's chest, rolling them over until he was the one hovering above the angel. He felt cold now that they weren't pressed together so tightly anymore, but the flush he could see spreading down Aziraphale's chest made up for it, the way the angel looked up at him with dilated pupils, waiting for Crowley to touch him. 

It was intoxicating, the feeling of being wanted, the feeling of being allowed free reign of Aziraphale's body, his to touch and taste and caress and feel as he pleased. The certain knowledge that Aziraphale wanted to be touched, to be touched by him, just as much as Crowley wanted to touch him in return. 

He allowed himself a moment to simply stare, Aziraphale's heaving chest, his broad shoulders and arms, his glowing cheeks and bright eyes, the soft roundness of his belly, and - Crowley swallowed hard - the hard line of his cock where it curved up and lay heavy against the angel's lower abdomen- and Crowley scolded himself a little for thinking words like gorgeous and perfect, but it was the only way he could think of it, studying the angel's cock and finding it not too long and just thick enough for the demon's mouth to water, and somehow so precisely suited to Aziraphale that Crowley was convinced it should look exactly like this. 

He ripped his eyes away, met the angel's wide pupils, and simply couldn't do another second without touching him. He drove down, capturing Aziraphale's mouth in a kiss before venturing lower, down his throat and past the line of his collarbone, nuzzling into the white curls peppering Aziraphale's chest as the angel sighed above him at the attention. Aziraphale's hands came to rest on his back, stroking softly over his skin, smoothing along his scales. 

"So gorgeous", he pressed the words into the angel's skin. "Fucking perfect."

Crowley slithers down Aziraphale's body, kissing across his chest, quickly making his way to the angel's plush belly, revelling in the soft give of it under his mouth and hands. He buried his face in it for a second, taking it in, taking in that he was allowed, that he was the only one who was allowed- or was he? Had Aziraphale ever-?

Crowley banished the thought for now, concentrating on the little noises of contentment escaping his angel as he showered his stomach and hips with licks and kisses. One of Aziraphale's hands had found its way into his hair, carding gently through the strands, almost like the angel was petting him, and Crowley suppressed the urge to do something as undemonic (and un-snake-like) as to purr. 

He dipped his tongue into the angel's belly button, grinning against Aziraphale's skin as he heard the little squeak of surprise, then a breathless chuckle as the angel arched into his touch. He hesitated, wondering if he could dare to follow his desire, teeth aching as he stared at the unblemished canvas of creamy skin in front of him, begging to be marked- 

"Crowley...", Aziraphale sighed, stroking his hair again, his back, and Crowley felt bold, allowing his fangs to scrape over the gorgeous plushness of angelic belly, and to his surprise and delight, the angel actually moaned at that, fingers tightening in his hair, tugging at his scalp- 

And Crowley burned to hear that sound again, repeating the movement, fangs out a little further, pressing in a little harder, actually nibbling on the skin- and he felt Aziraphale's cock twitch between their bodies, reminding him of his destination before he'd been distracted by all the lovely ample softness of Aziraphale's middle. 

He leaned back, enough to admire his angel properly, his fingers itching to close the distance and touch him, to feel his weight in his hand, on his tongue- impatiently coiling in his mouth already, split and ready to wrap around him, to squeeze and taste-

Crowley bit his tongue, stupid eager thing, shaking his head to chase the thoughts away. He needed to go slow, should go slow after all this time waiting, he should- 

Crowley reached out a single finger, hesitating just a second before he let it trail up the angel's length, feeling its silky hardness, hearing the angel exhale a panted breath. 

He looked up, found Aziraphale staring down at him, lips parted and chest heaving, and seeing him so affected by the simplest of touches when their corporations didn't even need to breathe- it ignited a fire deep in the demon's gut. He wanted to give his angel everything, wanted him flushed and sweaty and writhing mindlessly with pleasure Crowley provided. 

Fuck it. Fuck going slow.

Crowley leaned in, kissed the inside of Aziraphale's thigh, deliberate presses of lips against sensitive skin as he held the angel's gaze, slowly inching upwards to where his cock lay hard and waiting for him. 

"Crowley-" A stuttered sound, breathless, questioning.

Crowley licked his lips, his eyes flitting down to the angel's groin before meeting Aziraphale's gaze again.

"Can I?", he asked meaningfully, watching as Aziraphale's eyes seemed to darken even further.

He waited with bated breath as the angel bit his bottom lip, mouth watering in anticipation of getting to feel Aziraphale, getting to taste him- when something in the angel's expression flickered, breaking through the veil of arousal in Crowley's mind.

"You don't have to."

~oOo~

"You don't have to."

Aziraphale's cock throbbed in protest at his words, but he didn't pay it any mind, this was far more important than any physical gratification awaiting him if he let Crowley proceed, no matter how desperately he wanted to feel the demon's mouth around him, that clever tongue on his-

Oh, nono, bad train of thought, very bad indeed. 

"Do you not want me to?" 

Crowley looked up at him, and Aziraphale was pretty sure the demon could tell that wasn't the case, but he managed a comforting smile anyway as he shook his head.

"It's not about that." Aziraphale pressed his lips together, breathing deeply before he shifted to sit up a bit straighter, looking at Crowley with a serious expression. "I want to feel everything with you, every experience you want to share with me", he said. "I just want you to know that just because...well. The- I'm aware- just, the way you see yourself." 

He hesitated, put a hand over Crowley's where it rested on the mattress. 

"I wanted to make sure you know that I don't expect anything from you", Aziraphale said then, grasping for the right words to make himself understood. "That you don't feel like...you should service me." 

Aziraphale's mouth twisted into a contrived smile at the word, and the angel's meaning seemed to hit Crowley suddenly, perhaps it was Aziraphale's cautious voice, his sad eyes, his uncomfortably contorted features that made the demon's eyes widen. 

"Oh." Crowley gulped, blinking slowly. "Angel..."

He turned his hand over, taking Aziraphale's in his and giving it a comforting squeeze.

"I get it", he said then, "see where you'd get that idea from. But it's not like that, I promise. Actually," Crowley smiled a small crooked smile, "you'd be doing me a favour here."

"How so?"

"Might have been thinking about doing this for the last couple of centuries", the demon muttered, casting his eyes down as he bit his bottom lip, and Aziraphale felt his body flooded with renewed heat at the thought of Crowley, lying awake at night, in this very bed, picturing them- 

"You have?", he breathed, awe apparent in his voice, and Crowley glanced up at him with a little shrug of his shoulders.

"Yeah. Thought about...quite a lot of things I wanna do to you", he admitted. "Things I wanna do...with you."

With me... 

Aziraphale swallowed hard, wondering not for the first time if it was delusional of him to hope that Crowley hadn't shared himself like this with anyone else, that he might be the first - the only - to ever see and touch and feel Crowley this way, the first to bring him this pleasure.

He scolded himself for even thinking about it, knowing it was none of his business if Crowley had been with anyone, and he had absolutely no right to the ugly feelings of jealousy coursing through him when he imagined the demon being touched by hands that weren't his own. 

It had been six thousand years, realistically there was a good chance Crowley had had at least a few encounters during that time, he was kind and brilliant and gorgeous after all, humans must have been lining up for him, and Aziraphale was the last who could blame them. 

Still, he couldn't suppress the insistent spark of possessiveness that made his gut churn with envy, his hands aching to hold onto the demon and mark him for all the world to see, to make sure no one could ever doubt again that Crowley was his. 

"Did you do this before?", he heard himself ask, unable to stop his treacherous tongue. "Not-not this specifically, I just meant...have you ever...been with anyone?"

Crowley tensed slightly beside him, shifting to sit up straighter, and Aziraphale instantly regretted bringing it up, but it was too late now.

"I-I mean that- I'd understand if you had", he tried to correct himself. "Seeing as it might...come with the job and all that."

It might also just have been Crowley enjoying himself out in the world, Aziraphale was well aware, but he couldn't think of the demon choosing to be with anyone not because he was following orders, but just because he wanted to, that Crowley might have desired anyone but him- 

"Oh, I mean..." Crowley pressed his lips together. "Yeaaah, there were some...temptations of the flesh and such...to be done", he said slowly. "Wasn't too hard tempting them into that, honestly."

Yes, Aziraphale could imagine. They must have been all too eager, falling into the demon's arms so willingly, so ready to please and service-

"Only got them going with each other, though", Crowley's voice broke through his spiralling thoughts, Aziraphale's mind screeching to a halt. "Never participated myself, no", Crowley said, and had he actually heard that right, did that mean...?

"I...eh." Crowley shrugged, lowering his eyes with a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Didn't really see the appeal, that is. Except...uhm." 

He looked back up, golden eyes meeting Aziraphale's, and the angel could read loud and clear what Crowley hadn't said aloud. 

Except with you, his eyes said, and Aziraphale was glad he didn't need to breathe.

"It was always...y'know." Crowley smiled, a little embarrassed but still sure in his demeanour. 

The demon took a breath, held Aziraphale's gaze. 

"Only you, angel", he said then, like it wasn't a scene plucked right out of Aziraphale's most greedy, selfish, outrageously immoderate hopes and dreams. 

"Ah." Aziraphale cleared his throat, fighting to reign in the raging possessiveness Crowley had just unleashed inside him with that confession. "Well. I just wanted to say that it wouldn't matter to me if you had", the angel said, forcing his voice to stay calm. 

It was only a little lie, not really a lie at all, if you thought about it. It wouldn't matter to him, not in the sense that it would change the way he saw Crowley, or the way he felt about him. It was just this little unreasonable spark of jealousy that kind of made it matter anyway, but that was Aziraphale's problem to deal with.

"What I mean is", he tried to explain, "that it wouldn't have impacted my regard for you, or my feelings. Though I won't deny that it is quite flattering and..." He searched for a word that would convey his more than pleasant surprise, without revealing too much and scaring Crowley away with this uncontrollable yearning for Crowley to belong to him and him alone. 

"... thrilling to hear you say so", he ended, everything inside him relaxing slightly as Crowley smiled at him, eyes softening as he looked at his demon. 

"To know I'm the only one who gets the honour to see you like this..." Aziraphale couldn't even believe it saying the words himself. "It is quite extraordinary to think, my darling."

Crowley blushed a lovely shade of pink, colour spreading from his cheeks to the tips of his ears, but he was smiling at Aziraphale, looking pleased with his reaction, and Aziraphale exhaled a breath of relief. 

"Did you ever...?", Crowley asked then, eyebrows raised meaningfully, and Aziraphale couldn't help but chuckle at the idea.

"Oh, goodness me, no", he said. "I was aware of the activities in certain clubs I frequented and...ah, may even have gotten propositioned a time or two", he confessed, not without a hint of smugness. "I thought about it, but..."

He trailed off, smiling knowingly at Crowley, trusting the demon would understand that Aziraphale had found himself in quite the same predicament Crowley had admitted to.

"Really?" Crowley sounded surprised, but the angel thought to see a satisfied smile hiding in the corner of his mouth. "Not even with that bloke Oscar?"

"Oscar who?" Aziraphale halted, gaping at the demon. "Wilde? Crowley!"

"You two did seem terribly chummy at the time", Crowley said easily, grinning a wicked little grin that made the heat creep into Aziraphale's cheeks.

"Well." He cleared his throat, collecting himself. "Perhaps there was some interest expressed on his part", he said curtly, dismissing it with a wave of his hand. "But no. I didn't see it at the time, where my apprehensiveness stemmed from, just that it all really seemed rather pointless without any love involved, you see." 

Aziraphale gave the demon a meaningful smile, reaching to link their fingers together.

"And despite my resolute persistence in denial", he said, thumb stroking over Crowley's knuckles, "we both know now that my heart was already quite decidedly taken, isn't that right, my dearest?"

~oOo~

Crowley stared at the angel, at that damned beautiful smile on Aziraphale's face, the sparkle in his eyes that made Crowley's mouth go dry, and he nodded dumbly, unable to produce more of a reaction than that.

Aziraphale had just admitted to liking that Crowley had never been with anyone but him, had seemed beyond pleased about it, and then he'd said he'd never wanted anyone but Crowley either- his hedonist of an angel who had devoured that ox-rib with such debauched passion, who moaned around every spoonful of dessert, who had taken to earthly pleasures like a fish to water- and he said he'd never desired anyone but him, Crowley, with his slitted eyes and his scales and his inept attempts to make up for it, to make this angel see past it all and see him, and Aziraphale had, Aziraphale did, and that was- that was...

Crowley gulped, trying to find his voice.

"So...you still wanna do this?" He stroked down Aziraphale's thigh. "Y'know. Us, being new to all this and...I might not be very- ngk-" Crowley bit his tongue, words getting stuck in his throat, but Aziraphale just squeezed his hand.

"I have no doubt that anything we share is going to be exceptionally wonderful, my love", the angel said. "Practical experience or not. I was quite looking forward to...getting to learn with you, actually." 

The corner of Aziraphale's mouth twitched. 

"Which isn't to say I'm wholly unknowledgeable", the angel said with an almost teasing smile, pulling Crowley closer by the hand he was holding, pressing a kiss to his cheek, then looking at him with bright eyes and flushed cheeks. 

"I read, quite a lot", Aziraphale smirked. "And I have...experimented. On my own."

Crowley sucked in a sharp breath, heat shooting through him sharply as his mind conjured images of Aziraphale, spread out naked on tartan sheets, touching himself and thinking-

"T-Thinking of me?", he breathed, and the angel smiled that damned smile.

"Naturally", he said, as if it actually was natural, as if it was obvious. "I really tried not to at the beginning, but it proved rather difficult very quickly."

Crowley had to look away, his eyes wandering down the angel's body instead, catching on Aziraphale's cock that was perking up with interest again despite the long interruption. He swallowed, his throat working around nothing, reminding him of a need he felt returning with some urgency, and he found himself slithering back between the angel's legs without a second thought, spreading those delicious thighs with his hands as he pressed a kiss to the inside of Aziraphale's knee.

"Have you thought of this?", he asked, licking the salty skin, inching ever closer down his leg as his eyes found Aziraphale's. The angel was staring at him, breath hitching as Crowley's canines scraped his hip.

"Yes", Aziraphale said, slightly breathless, and the little flame in Crowley's gut flared up and licked at his crumbling restraint.

"Fuck, Aziraphale." His fingers flexed where he was holding onto Aziraphale's thighs, holding himself back, nails digging into lavish flesh. "Please, just- Lemme show you-"

"Oh, my sweet demon." Aziraphale reached down to card a hand through his hair, and Crowley couldn't help but lean into the touch, arching towards the angel like a plant searching for the sun. "You don't have to beg, darling", Aziraphale said, "I want to give you anything you want. I want us to write that list you wanted earlier together, and you make sure to add all the things you like best. And we'll see to it that we both get to make every fantasy we wish into a reality, yes?"

Yes, Satan, yes, he wanted that, but right now, he wanted-

"Starting with you letting me suck you off?", he grinned, earning himself an eye-roll from his angel.

"Crowley." Aziraphale tsked. "Such wording. But yes, if that's what you'd like."

"Oh, I'd like plenty."

"Go ahead then, if you please."

And that was all Crowley needed, wasting no time pulling him in further and kissing up his inner thigh again - fuck, he just couldn't get enough of those thighs - holding the angel's legs open for him with his hands on plush hips.  

"I'mma go a head for sure", he quipped, giving Aziraphale a little wink for good measure, and he could clearly see how the angel struggled to suppress an amused smirk.

"You're a menace", Aziraphale complained, but it was laced with so much fondness it took all bite out of it, only serving to make Crowley grin even wider.

"And you love it."

The angel sighed.

"Unfortunately, I do."

His angel smiled down at him with a perfect mixture of love and exasperation on his face, cheeks still flushed and eyes still darkened with desire, and Crowley was going to give him everything.

He scooted back, pulling Aziraphale along to the edge of the bed as he dropped off the side and shuffled around to get comfortably settled on his knees- as comfortable as one could be on millennia-old knees, anyway, but it was for Aziraphale so it was alright, and the angel's cock was right in front of him like this, and he was just about to lean in when a hand on his cheek stopped him.

"A-Actually-" Aziraphale swallowed hard, legs shifting back onto the mattress as his thumb stroked over Crowley's cheekbone, soothing the demon's puzzled expression. "Forgive me for interrupting you again, but... Would you mind it terribly if you came back up here, please?"

Aziraphale's voice was soft and calm, but there was something on his face that made Crowley reach up and cover the angel's hand on his cheek with his own, brow furrowing with concern.

"You okay, angel?"

"Oh, yes. It's just..." Aziraphale looked at him seriously. "You shouldn't kneel for anyone, my love."

I'd kneel for you, Crowley thought immediately. I'd kneel for you until my knees bled.

But Aziraphale was looking at him pleadingly, such open devotion in his eyes, so the demon simply followed his silent request without argument, pressing a reassuring kiss to his lips before he slithered down the bed again.

"Better?", he asked, situated comfortably between the angel's legs on the soft mattress.

Aziraphale smiled, reaching down to caress the side of Crowley's face.

"Much better, thank you."

Crowley pressed his lips to the knee next to his head, grabbing a pillow to prop up the angel's hips a little further.

"Get comfy, angel. Lemme take care of you."

The smile Aziraphale gave him was all fondness and heat combining into something utterly breathtaking.

"You always do, darling."

Chapter Text

"You always do, darling."

Warmth pooled in Crowley's chest as Aziraphale looked down at him, mixing with the heat of arousal already simmering in his body, the heady combination of lust and love shining from the angel's eyes making his heart beat faster.

There was so much trust displayed on Aziraphale's face, counting on Crowley to take care of him, a sort of breathless anticipation speaking from the way the angel's lips parted and his hips lifted for Crowley's comfort. 

Crowley gave him a last soft grin before he let his eyes wander lower, focusing on the angel's cock where it lay curved against his plush stomach. He leaned in, nothing stopping him this time as he flicked out his tongue to lick a stripe up the angel's length, taking in the musky scent of him, the salty taste of his skin, the hitch of his breath like music to the demon's ears. 

Encouraged, Crowley pressed his lips against the thick head, swirling his tongue around to spread the wetness gathered there, dipping into the slit, and Aziraphale exhaled shakily above him, the thigh next to Crowley's head twitching. 

"Crowley..." 

Crowley had chosen this name for himself, but he was sure it had never sounded as good as it did on Aziraphale's tongue, leaving the angel's lips on a quiet sigh of pleasure.

His senses were already going into overdrive, snake instincts flaring up as he took the head of Aziraphale's cock into his mouth, his tongue elongating until he could wrap it around the angel's girth, squeezing gently and smiling to himself when one of Aziraphale's hands shot down, groping around before eventually settling on gripping his own thigh. 

Crowley let himself sink into it, how he could taste him, smell him, feel his heat in his mouth, his weight on his tongue and his girth spreading his lips, could hear the litany of breathless little noises Aziraphale made, just for him, because of him.

He got lost in the task, his mind going pleasantly cloudy as he simply concentrated on letting himself feel, making Aziraphale feel - kissing up and down his length, wrapping his tongue around him, teasing the vein pulsing along the side, then focusing on the ridge below the head again, letting his instincts lead him to learn and follow what would make his angel's cock twitch, what forced the sweetest sounds out of him, the prettiest moans. 

Aziraphale's hand, set on clinging to his own thigh at first, had eventually found its way into Crowley's hair, carding through the red stands - not pushing or demanding, simply guiding him, a grounding weight that anchored him and made him feel secure. He loved the way Aziraphale's fingers tightened whenever Crowley did something particularly clever with his tongue, loved the slight sting on his scalp, loved how the angel would then stroke through his hair afterwards, soothing the burn. It made him feel desired, wanted, appreciated...loved. 

"Ah- C-Crowley, I-" Aziraphale's legs shook and closed around him, the plush thighs pressing against his sides only serving to flare the demon's arousal higher. "Darling, that's..."

The angel trailed off, thought apparently slipping his mind's grasp as Crowley swallowed him deeper, the head of his cock hitting his soft palate, just shy of pushing into his throat. It was weirdly thrilling to see Aziraphale lose his ability to form articulate thoughts, eloquent as his angel usually was even when Crowley had already been reduced to a mindless blabbering mess. Turning the tables on him like that was far more satisfactory than Crowley liked to admit. 

He hummed happily around the angel's cock, revelling in the gasp it earned him, tongue trailing up and down smooth skin, squeezing just where he'd learned Aziraphale was especially sensitive. 

"Crowley, just- just there-" Aziraphale groaned deep in his chest, hand fisting in Crowley's hair and hips twitching upwards, trying to bury himself deeper in Crowley's mouth. The demon didn't mind, welcoming him, hands finding Aziraphale's waist and squeezing encouragingly, guiding him into a slow thrusting motion that had the angel moaning his name in the most sinful way he could imagine. 

"My love, are you-" Aziraphale was breathing hard, a strangely riveting contrast to Crowley not breathing at all, seeking the demon's gaze. "Are you sure- I-I don't-" 

The angel carded his fingers through Crowley's hair, his hips stilled with visible effort.

"I don't want to hurt you", he said then, and it was so gentle, so concerned, yet so clearly filled with desperately held-back desire that Crowley couldn't help but release the angel's cock for a moment. Aziraphale whined slightly at the loss but smiled when Crowley pressed a soothing kiss to the inside of his thigh.

"Don't worry", he said, "won't hurt me. Just let go, angel. Want you to."

And then he was on him again, taking him as deep as he could go, the head pressing in and down his throat without trouble, and Crowley internally grinned to himself as Aziraphale released a punched-out moan of surprise, the hand that wasn't in his hair shooting down to grip the demon's shoulder.

Crowley swallowed around him, aware that the muscles of his throat working around Aziraphale's length would drive the angel even wilder, eager to see Aziraphale lose control and take his pleasure, without inhibitions or restraint, the same way he'd watched the angel go about his enjoyment of life for millions of years. 

"Crowley, oh dear Lor-" Aziraphale bit his lip, and watching the angel barely holding back from blaspheming while his cock was lodged deeply in a demon's throat had no right to be as hot as it was. "You're incredible. Dearest, I can't- please, please, I need-"

Aziraphale was lightly pushing against his shoulder, eyes locked desperately on Crowley's, and he understood it as the plea it was, letting go of his angel a little reluctantly, unable to resist pressing another kiss to the head of his cock, pleased as he watched him twitch.

Crowley came up with a grin, looking into Aziraphale's stunned, flushed face, his lips open, panting and swollen red from biting them - the absolute picture of beautiful, exquisite sin in the very best of ways as he lay in front of the demon, attempting to catch his breath.

"Snake", Crowley smirked. "No gag reflex."

"Oh, you gorgeous, wicked thing", Aziraphale sighed, making Crowley grin even wider as he leaned his cheek against Aziraphale's thigh. "You'll be the death of me, won't you."

"Naaah." Crowley lightly nibbled the sensitive skin on the inside of Aziraphale's knee. "Took long enough to get me one angel. Can't be too careless with'm now."

"Careless is not the word I'd apply to what you've been doi- Oh good L- Crowley!"

~oOo~

Aziraphale threw his head back, eyes squeezed shut in sudden rapture as his demon's warm mouth enveloped him again without warning, that wicked tongue wrapping around him and pulling him ever deeper, squeezing in the most delicious ways.

"Oh, darling yes!" He couldn't keep his hips from thrusting up again as pleasure pooled hotly in his gut, sparks starting in his groin and travelling up his spine. "Just like that! You're so good, so good to me-"

Crowley made a noise at that, humming around his cock in that way that made the vibrations feel like they reverberated through Aziraphale's whole body, and Crowley's hands were on his hips again, guiding him to thrust deeper, to bury himself in the welcoming warmth of his demon's perfect mouth and it was- it was all so- so...

"Crowley-" His fingers flexed where he was gripping Crowley's shoulder, nails biting into his skin. "Crowley, my love, you-"

A broken moan forced its way out of his throat, effectively cutting him off, but Crowley's eyes were staring up at him as Aziraphale looked down to find the demon's gaze, slitted pupils blown wider, and Aziraphale realized with a flash of arousal shooting through him that Crowley's hips were moving too, tiny rocking motions against the mattress, like he was enjoying having Aziraphale's cock in his mouth so much he needed to find some relief himself- and goodness gracious that picture was enough to almost push him over the precipice right then and there.

"Dearest, please, wai-" Aziraphale breathed shakily, forcing his body to control itself.

Thankfully, Crowley obliged him, popping off his cock with an obscene sound that sent Aziraphale's brain spiralling. 

"Something wrong, angel?"

Wrong? The only thing wrong here is that we haven't been doing this for centuries. 

Aziraphale shook his head with an amazed, disbelieving laugh.

"You are entirely too good at that", he said truthfully, voice a little breathless, and Crowley grinned at him. "So good, I'm afraid", he admitted, a bit embarrassed and immensely regretful, "that this was about to come to a rather untimely end, and-"

"Wouldn't mind", Crowley cut in right away, smiling wryly. "I mean you can...if you wanted."

"Oh..." Don't picture it, don't picture it, don't- "That's a very enticing thought", the angel said, throat suddenly a little tight, "one we will definitely revisit another time. But today I'd like- perhaps it's silly, but I'd like you to be there with me, for our first time together."

"You big old sap." Crowley bit his bottom lip, sharp canine visible as he clearly tried to suppress a very undemonically fond smile. "Fine with me though", the demon said. "As long as I get to taste you eventually."

Crowley grinned that grin again, and Aziraphale couldn't help but stare at him, the stunning vision of his dishevelled demon so open and deliciously cocky, and a breathless chuckle escaped him as he shook his head fondly. 

"Wily serpent." Aziraphale smiled, overwhelmed with the magnitude of feelings he carried in his heart for the being before him. "I love you desperately, you know."

And finally, Crowley's grin vanished, washed away by an equally stunning shy smile and rosy blush.

"Likewise, angel."

"Come here, please." Aziraphale reached out his hand to him, longing to feel his demon in his arms again. "I really need to kiss you."

As always, Crowley was only too happy to indulge him.

~oOo~

A shiver ran through Crowley's body as Aziraphale moaned when he licked into the angel's mouth, imagining that he could probably still taste himself on Crowley's tongue - a tongue that was still long and serpentine as he let it curl around the angel's, squeezing Aziraphale's as he had done with his cock, pleased with the breathless gasp it earned him. 

The angel's arms wrapped around his back, pulling him in, closer, holding him against Aziraphale's body, soft skin siding together everywhere - and Crowley loved all of it. The gentle intimacy of being held. The quiet possessiveness of Aziraphale's hands splayed out between his shoulders and lower back. The heat of his angel pressed close, the cold-blooded snake in him basking in the warmth as much as the intoxicating arousal coiling in his gut. 

He had been noticing the increasing ache between his legs for some time, too focused on taking care of Aziraphale to do much more than rock gracelessly into the mattress, but now it came back to him full force, legs shaking as he arched into the angel below him for some much-needed friction.

His hips twitched forward without much finesse or control, mindlessly searching for something to grant him some relief, eventually landing on a thigh - because of course he did- But it was so much better this time, with both of them laid bare, mouth breaking away from Aziraphale's as he groaned deep in his throat at the soothing pressure against his throbbing clit. 

The angel pressed his lips against Crowley's jaw, down his throat as the demon tilted his head to give him better access, and Aziraphale hummed against his collarbone, tingles of vibrations dancing under his skin. 

"You feel so wonderful in my arms", Aziraphale said, "How am I ever supposed to let go of you again?"

Don't, Crowley thought desperately. Don't ever let go again. I don't wanna be anywhere but here, not ever again. 

A hand wandered down over his waist, stroking his sharp hip before trailing teasing fingertips across his arse, settling there eventually to pull Crowley more tightly against the angel's leg, grip not forceful but firm enough to make him wish it was enough to bruise- And Crowley needed a second to breathe, he needed a second to process all the sensations, all the nerve endings going wild all over his body, and the hard line of Aziraphale's desire caught between their bodies, so close to where Crowley wanted to be touched and-

"Darling."

A kiss to his cheek as Crowley's forehead rested against Aziraphale's shoulder, so sweet and tender, such a ridiculous contrast to the obscene way Crowley could feel his wetness being smeared on the angel's thigh with every tiny twitch of his hips. 

Crowley made a choked sound in his throat, longing to look down and watch, yet convinced it would discorporate him on the spot if he did. Instead, he settled on lifting his head and capturing the angel's mouth again, distracting himself with the soothing taste of angel and cinnamon. 

Aziraphale let him, allowed Crowley to explore his mouth as he pleased, all the while still holding him securely against the angel's body, gentle hands mapping out the demon's back and gripping hungrily at his shoulders, his waist, his hair.

Crowley arched into every touch, seeking more of that warmth, more of that sense of ravenous desire infused in every brush of hands, more of that dizzying tenderness that had no place being directed at a demon - more of Aziraphale. 

"A-Angel-" 

His voice was breathless and awed, his whole being yearning for something he didn't know how to achieve yet beyond the boundaries of their earthly corporations, every spark of his soul reaching out and longing to be united with Aziraphale's, to come together as intimately as two beings could, to intertwine their very essences and feel a closeness so all-encompassing he wouldn't even remember what loneliness meant. 

"I need-" Crowley didn't know how to put it into words. Just that he needed more. Joining their corporations might not be precisely what this craving was, but it would have to do. "C-Closer", he said, for lack of a better way to make Aziraphale understand. "I just...please, angel."

"My love." Aziraphale looked back into his eyes, and Crowley was sure his face displayed exactly how desperate he felt. "Tell me what I can do to make you happy."

I don't know, he thought wildly. Anything. Everything. I just need to be with you.

Crowley swallowed hard, leaning back enough to reach between them and take the angel's cock in his hand, licking his lips as Aziraphale's breath hitched when he gave him a gentle stroke.

"Want you."

He really didn't know how to say more than that right now, but maybe he wouldn't have to, maybe Aziraphale understood. He could see it clearly as the angel's eyes darkened, watched as Aziraphale forced his breathing to stay calm, closing his eyes for a second as he reached down to still Crowley's hand on him and pulled it up to rest against the angel's chest.

"Aziraphale?"

The angel swallowed, looking at him with that mixture of forcefully caged-in desire and tender love that had Crowley's knees weakening every time. 

"What is it?", he asked, a hint of concern seeping into his voice, and Aziraphale gave him a soft smile.

"Just..." The angel brushed a strand of hair out of Crowley's forehead. "We don't have to, you know?", he said then, calm and honest. "Do anything in particular, I mean. Anything at all. This is enough. You've given me...more than I ever dared dream of. Allowing me to watch you experience pleasure at my hands..." 

Aziraphale sighed happily, smiling.

"I just wanted you to know that I'd be perfectly content if that was all you wanted to do", he told Crowley, and even though that was definitely absolutely decidedly not all he wanted to do, the demon could feel that lovely comforting warmth spreading in his chest. 

"And what if I want more?", he said, pressing his lips together. "What if I want...all of you? To feel you..." 

Inside me. Enveloping me. Possessing me. 

He took a breath.

"Would that be alright too?"

He hadn't thought Aziraphale would say no, not really. Still, the warm smile lighting up his angel's face made Crowley heave a quiet sigh of relief.

"Of course, darling." Aziraphale took Crowley's hand where it rested on his chest, entwining their fingers, a gesture they had both become so very fond of already. He lifted their hands to his lips, pressed a chaste kiss to Crowley's knuckles. "I simply wanted to make sure you know that just because this is how you chose to present, it doesn't mean there are any expectations on how to proceed. There are so many ways to share pleasure between us, and I'm looking forward to exploring all of them with you."

"Me too, angel." Crowley grinned, lightly biting his bottom lip. "And thank you. I know you'd never make me do something I wasn't sure about. I'm sure about this, though", he added, just because he wanted Azirapale to be sure, too. "Thought about it for ages."

A light blush crept up the angel's ears.

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it as well."

"Yeah?"

Aziraphale nodded, lips parting as he stared up at Crowley with those wide blue eyes, and the demon really couldn't wait to be touching him again any longer.

"Then please", he said, arching down into the angel's body, "lemme-"

"You're sure?"

"Angel. I've wanted you for thousands of years. Please, I wanna feel you." He leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Aziraphale's mouth, feeling the angel's hands flexing and gripping just a little tighter on his back. 

"Wanna be close to you", Crowley breathed into his ear, "please-"

"I want that too, my love." 

And finally, when their eyes met again, there was no more hesitation or uncertainty on his angel's face. 

"If you want to share yourself with me in this way, I'd be honoured", Aziraphale proclaimed with a sense of solemn decorum that only his angel could pull off to talk about putting his dick inside a demon, and Crowley couldn't help but shake his head as he suppressed a fond smile. 

"Stop makin' it sound like it's some priceless gift or something," Crowley grumbled, just a little disgruntled by how little bite there was to his own words. "'S not like there was ever anyone else for me. And maybe we can switch next time, hm?", he smirked in an attempt to regain some of his dignity, pleased when the angel's cheeks flushed pick yet again.

"Oh-" Aziraphale averted his eyes, cleared his throat before looking back at him. "Oh, I know I'd be more than amenable to that, dear." 

Crowley grinned wider, watching the angel's features softening into something so indescribably affectionate and adoring it stole his breath for a second.

"And you are a gift", Aziraphale said, voice just as overwhelmingly filled with love as his face. "In any shape or form you choose. A treasure."

"Shuddup."

Don't ever stop, Crowley's treacherous mind screamed. Don't ever stop saying things like that. Don't ever stop looking at me like that. Don't ever stop loving me like that-

And the corner of Aziraphale's mouth twitched, a sparkle in his eyes that made Crowley panic for a second if he'd actually prayed the words.

"I don't think I will", the angel said simply, and yes, whatever, Crowley would take it.

"Fine", he relented, rolling his eyes in feigned exasperation. "Do your sweet talking if it makes you happy."

"Showering you with the praise you deserve makes me very happy, thank you."

The angel smirked at him, the smug bastard, knowing exactly what he was doing, because of course he did, and Crowley groaned in defeat as he let his head roll forward to hide his impending blush against the angel's shoulder.

"Aziraphale." He gritted his teeth, words muffled against the angel's skin.

And Aziraphale just smiled, having the audacity to be absolutely frickin adorable, nuzzling into Crowley's hair.

"You have always taken such good care of me, my darling." 

Warm hands on Crowley's back, warm words ghosting past his ear, warm lips pressing a kiss to his temple. 

"Allow me to take care of you now."

Chapter Text

"Allow me to take care of you now."

Aziraphale looked at him hopefully, eyes full of a tenderness Crowley hungered for yet could hardly bear. His body screamed for him to give himself over, to let Aziraphale do with him whatever he pleased, but his mouth didn't know how to form the words, had never learned how to respond to such an outrageous request. 

He stared, trembling slightly.

For what could he say to that?

Yes, he wanted to say. Take care of me. Touch me with those gentle hands. Kiss me with those soft lips.

Make me feel that I'm yours, that you'll never leave me again. Make me forget everything in the world but you and your touch on my skin.

No one has ever cared for me before. No one has ever wanted to care for me before.

Do it, I want you to, I want you to own me, to possess me, to make me fall all over again but this time I'll land in your arms.

Please. Kiss me, touch me, want me, love me-

Crowley swallowed.

Yeaaah, nah. Better not say that.

Instead, he just nodded.

Aziraphale gave him a happy smile, seemingly satisfied with that small reaction. He reached out to guide Crowley onto his back, Aziraphale hovering over him, their eyes locked as Crowley held his breath in anticipation. 

"Is this okay?", Aziraphale asked softly, his earnest eyes searching Crowley's face, one hand placed on his hip almost possessively while the other trailed softly along the inside of the demon's thigh.

"Y-Yeah."

The angel smiled that smile again, breathtakingly beautiful and full of promises. He finally broke the connection between their gazes, his eyes sweeping down Crowley's body instead, lips parting in wonder as he took in the demon's lean chest, his protruding ribs and slender waist, all the way down to his long legs.

"Oh, Crowley, you're exquisite."

Aziraphale leaned in, gently pressing his lips to Crowley's cheek, the sweet gesture such a contrast to the way the angel's hand tightened around his hip bone that it made him gasp.

"Will you let me explore you, dearest?", Aziraphale said, peppering featherlight kisses along his jaw, down his throat, paying special attention to an especially tender spot Crowley could already tell had been marked by his angel's mouth before. 

He swallowed hard.

"If that's what you want."

"Oh, very much so."

Azirphale kissed his way back up, finishing his path with a little peck to his lips, and Crowley was left stunned by how Aziraphale managed to leave him this riled up from just a few chaste presses of lips. 

"Then...sure, I guess", he pressed out, watching the angel's smile widen with open delight.

"Splendid", Aziraphale said, "let me just..."

He leaned back a little, shuffling around, and no, Crowley did not miss his warmth already, shut up. 

"How to do this...", Aziraphale muttered, looking around on the bed. 

"I think...mhm, yes." He nodded to himself, eyes finding Crowley's again. 

"I think I'd like to feel as much of you against me as possible while I watch you succumb to your pleasure", Aziraphale said almost conversationally, seemingly unaware that Crowley had just choked on his own tongue. 

The angel went to sit against the headboard, creamy pale skin on full display, spreading his legs for Crowley to sit between, giving the mattress an adorable little pat that only his angel could somehow manage to make hot. 

"Would you come and lean against me, my love?", he said with a calm smile. "If that would be amenable to you?"

"Amena..." Crowley felt like he had to get his tongue untwisted, staring at the far too collected angel as his body flushed with heat at the mental picture Aziraphale was painting- him, back to chest with Aziraphale, spread out for the angel's touch.

"Yeah", he croaked out. "One ssssec-" 

Crowley scrambled up, scooting over to Aziraphale and slowly leaning his back against the angel's chest as he'd been instructed to do, shuddering at the feeling of their skin pressed together - Aziraphale warm and solid behind him, and those thighs, those thick, powerful thighs wrapped around his sides-

"Perfect", Aziraphale cooed behind him, hands trailing down Crowley's arms and leaving them covered in goosebumps. "You're a work of art, my dear."

Aziraphale pressed his lips to Crowley's shoulder before resting his chin there, making the demon highly aware that the angel was watching his own hands trailing over Crowley's body, stroking up his thighs, over his hips, his chest. Nothing but light soft toches, fingertips callused and tickling slightly, making him shiver. 

The touch was barely there yet strangely intense, and Crowley didn't realise he'd been holding his breath until he released it in a quiet sigh as Aziraphale's thumb brushed over his nipple.

"Look at you." Aziraphale's voice was right next to his ear, gentle and soothing. "Indulging me so graciously. Letting me touch you to my heart's delight. You're a marvel, my darling."

Soft lips ghosted over the nape of his neck, along the side of his throat, skilful hands coaxing his nipples to perk up and send little tingles of pleasure through his body. 

Crowley's head fell back to rest on Aziraphale's shoulder, his body stretched out in sharp angles and lean lines for Aziraphale's eyes to feast on. And that was almost more arousing than Aziraphale's hands on him - knowing that Aziraphale was watching himself touching him, like he wanted to study each and every one of Crowley's reactions, wanted to see him fall apart-

"Ngk." Crowley gasped lightly as one of Aziraphale's hands suddenly pinched his nipple, rolling it between his fingers, and Crowley squirmed as he felt the ache between his legs beginning to flare up once again. 

"Feels more like you're doing me the favour, angel", he breathed, eyes fluttering shut as Aziraphale abandoned his ministrations to smooth down his sides, hands settling on his hips again, holding him steady as Crowley arched into every touch like a snake curling towards the sun. 

"Not at all." Aziraphale stroked a thumb over his hipbone, fingers trailing inwards until he could tease them through the auburn curls between the demon's legs. "All the time I've longed to have you like this, all pliant and patient under my hands", he said, mouth ghosting over Crowley's cheek as he spoke. "Nothing could bring me greater pleasure than watching you succumb to my touch."

"Aziraphale-"

"Yes, my love?" That voice, so kind. Those hands, so tender- "What is it you desire?"

Crowley instinctively spread his legs wider in invitation, and he couldn't even be embarrassed about it. His skin was burning with need already from the angel's hands exploring his body so calmly, so gently- and he had been starved to be touched like this, like he was something precious, something cherished and worthwhile-

He could feel Aziraphale's whole focus on him, his gaze like a brand on Crowley's skin, and something inside him was flaring with a searing hunger to be claimed and taken and filled and-

It was too much, it was more than he could take, and it was all he wanted.

"Touch me", he said, turning his head to look at Aziraphale with all the desperation he felt. "Please, I need-"

He broke off on a whine as Aziraphale's hand tightened around his waist, the other finding the inside of his thigh just where it met his hip, drawing patterns on the sensitive skin there, so close, so damned close-

"Gorgeous", Aziraphale muttered, seemingly entranced by the way Crowley's hips twitched upwards in search for more. "So good for me, so perfect. I must admit...I'd always wondered what kind of effort you might have made", the angel confessed. "I knew you'd be absolutely stunning either way."

"You don't mind it? That I like to switch sometimes?"

"Of course not, dearest", Aziraphale said, just as Crowley knew he would, but it felt so good to hear it anyway, it felt so good to be acknowledged, to be seen. 

"I look forward to exploring you in whatever form you choose at that time", the angel went on. "I'm rather thrilled at the prospect, I must say. All the possibilities it provides, getting to bring you pleasure in every way our corporations make possible-" 

There was a hitch in Aziraphale's breath, a crack in his composed facade for a second, and Crowley had to close his eyes for a moment just from the knowledge that Aziraphale was affected just as much as he was. 

"But for now..." Aziraphale's hand trailed inwards, the featherlight touch of a finger tracing through the already damp hair surrounding Crowley's cunt, his voice as calm and steady as ever. "Let's focus on this, shall we?"

Crowley gasped as he felt Aziraphale's fingers stroking up and down, applying just enough pressure to spread him open for the angel's touch, teasing fingertips soothing over his swollen flesh.

"Look at you, so lovely and wet already."

Aziraphale's voice was like a purr in his ear, words sinking beneath Crowley's skin and travelling through him in flashes of heat. It was fucking unfair, no one should be allowed to master something that could only be described as 'polite dirty talk' to this degree, sounding all prim and proper, and yet here he was. 

"And all for me, isn't it?", Aziraphale asked, humming as he gathered some of his wetness and spread it around, making sure the slide would be nice and easy wherever his curious fingers wandered to explore more of Crowley- and it felt obscene in such a strangely caring way that Crowley wasn't sure how to handle it, his brain already shutting down everything that wasn't Aziraphale's hands on him and Aziraphale's voice in his ear.

"Yeah", he heard himself say, because his angel had asked him something, and the answer was so obvious he'd be a fool to deny it. "Course it is. All for you, angel."

Aziraphale shuddered behind him, shifting slightly- and fuck, Crowley could feel the angel's hardness in his back, the angel's other hand digging almost painfully into his hip. 

"Oh, you darling creature." Aziraphale's fingers trailed up to circle his throbbing clit, finally giving it some much-needed attention, and Crowley couldn't have stifled the broken moan if he tried. "So good for me, Crowley, opening to me so beautifully."

"A-Angel-"

"Let me explore you, darling." Another finger, pressing between his folds, just shy of actually dipping inside him but not quite daring to, like he was waiting for Crowley to give him permission, like he didn't know that Crowley wanted nothing more than to feel any part of Aziraphale inside him-

"I want to learn everything there is to know", the angel said, "Will you let me?"

And there it was, the question, the asking for permission that had been given millennia ago, a right that had been granted, a longing that had been expressed with every plate of crepes, every rescued book, every shared smile and secret glance and fleeting touch. 

Crowley nodded, head bobbing frantically.

"I need your words, dearest."

"Yes", Crowley hissed, realizing just then that he was clinging to the sheets so hard he was leaving little indentations. "Yes, fuck angel, please just-"

And then Aziraphale's finger pressed inside him, just so soothing the ache he'd been feeling, and he clenched his teeth together as a keening noise escaped his throat, body strung tight as a bow as he fought not to drive his hips down and force that thick finger deeper right the fuck now.

"Don't hold back", Aziraphale said, hand leaving Crowley's hip to stroke soothingly over his tense shoulder and not helping his restraint at all. "Let me hear you. Let me feel how much you're enjoying yourself."

And Crowley wanted to. Oh, he wanted to with every fibre of his being, after all the millennia of waiting and all the time already spent in this bed, he finally had Aziraphale right where he wanted him, and he just had to let go, he just had to let it happen. 

Aziraphale's hand cupped him gently, the heel of his palm digging in to provide some friction on the swollen nub between Crowley's legs while the angel gently eased a second finger inside him, opening him up torturously slowly, every touch somehow deliciously confident and maddeningly tender in its debauchery. 

But Crowley could feel his fangs out, sharp when he bit his bottom lip, and his scales were rippling all across his body, he knew his eyes must have expanded to full yellow, no white left at the edges- and he dug his fingers deeper into the sheets, tearing at the fabric, scared that if he were to touch Aziraphale right now his nails would lengthen to claws and tear skin instead. 

And he knew Aziraphale must feel the tension in his shoulders, the strain of holding back, the effort to keep a slither of control-

"Aziraphale." Crowley wanted to let go, wanted to drift away on the waves of pleasure as Aziraphale continued his ministrations, but he didn't know what would happen, he'd lost the ability to hold in his demonic side before, when he'd been alone, had come back to himself with his fangs sunk deep into a pillow, feathers flying around from the covers he'd torn-

"Angel, please."

He didn't know what he was asking for, just for Aziraphale to release him from this agony somehow, this beautiful exquisite agony, to tell him that it was alright, to tell him what to do, just anything-

"It's alright, dearest." And of course, Aziraphale knew exactly what he needed. Aziraphale always knew.

"You can let go, it's alright", his angel soothed, the hand that wasn't occupied driving Crowley to insanity smoothing down his arm, covering one of his tightly clenched hands.

"C-Can't-" I don't know what's gonna happen, I don't know how not to- "Aziraphale-"

"Shhhh." Aziraphale peppered kisses along his shoulder, thumb stroking over Crowley's white knuckles. "I know you, Crowley. You won't hurt me", he said, and fuck, how did he even know-

"I-I don't-"

"You would never hurt me", the angel went on, calm and sure. "Trust me. Trust us."

A whine left Crowley's throat, his furrowed brow losing some of its tension as he felt his body respond to Aziraphale's words, finding himself unable to resist the offer when all he'd ever wanted was to let himself fall and be caught by Aziraphale's strong, caring hands.

"Let go, love", Aziraphale said as if he'd read Crowley's thoughts. "I've got you."

And fucking God, yes- He wanted to be done waiting and start feeling. 

So he just...did. 

He allowed himself to melt against Aziraphale's firm chest, all tension leaving his body on a long exhale as he succumbed to his touches, trusting that his angel would pick him up afterwards and put him back together.

He released the rigid strain in his shoulders, his legs, his hands - pressure bleeding out of him like water spilling from an overflowing cup- and maybe there was some ripped fabric he left behind as his hands flew to clutch at Aziraphale's legs instead, maybe his scales rippled and rose up, maybe he could feel the venom shooting into his fangs- But it didn't matter. 

None of it mattered. Not when a pleased hum reverberated through Aziraphale's chest and into Crowley's body, not when Aziraphale was mumbling words of love and encouragement into his ear, not when Aziraphale's hands on his body were everything that kept him from falling apart by the seams as he was swept away in the intensity of pleasure and relief he felt. 

"That's it..." Aziraphale's lips were at his temple, his free hand spreading Crowley's legs even wider as a third finger was worked inside him. "You're stunning like this. Perfect. Letting me see your pleasure..."

He sounded so proud, so staggeringly honest, and Crowley was suddenly struck with the overwhelming need to see his angel's face, to see the emotion and desire in his eyes and taste his words on his tongue.

"Angel." He turned his head, trying to catch Aziraphale's gaze as he looked at him. "Kiss me", he begged, and he was begging, no question about it. "Please, I need-"

And Aziraphale smiled at him, leaning down and bringing their mouths together- and his neck was slightly straining despite his serpentine flexibility, and the angle was a little awkward, but the meeting of their lips was still absolutely perfect and- and-

And Crowley couldn't take it anymore. 

Crowley shattered, right there against his angel's chest, with his angel's beating heart against his back and his angel's lips smiling against his own and his angel's fingers lodged deep inside him, so so good but not nearly enough. 

He broke the kiss on a shaky exhale, squirming away from Aziraphale's hands just to be left with a nearly devastating sense of emptiness once he slipped free, hurriedly turning around in Aziraphale's lap and capturing the angel's mouth in another searing kiss before Aziraphale had any time to ask stupid questions.

He wound his arms around Aziraphale's neck, arching into him as close as possible until their chests were pressed together, Crowley's thighs spread around the angel's beneath him.

To his immense delight, it took Aziraphale only a second to get with the new program, strong arms encircling him and holding him tight, hands settling on his back to hold him securely in place as the angel kissed him back with everything he had. 

And holy fuck, there was Aziraphale's cock, trapped between them and pressing insistently into Crowley's arse, and he needed- right the fuck now, he needed-

"Need-" Crowley swallowed hard, trying to catch his breath between kisses. "Fuck. Need you inside me. Please, angel, I-"

Instead of waiting for an answer, he grabbed Aziraphale's face and pulled the angel into another desperate, hungry kiss that was reciprocated just as enthusiastically. Crowley was panting when he drew back, staring in awe at Aziraphale's flushed face, his spit-slick lips, his bright blue eyes.

"God, Satan, anyone- please don't make me wait any longer."

He undulated his hips in the angel's lap, felt Aziraphale's hard length dragging through his folds, teasing his sensitive flesh and getting slick with his wetness, and the thought alone- the thought alone-

Aziraphale gasped, hands grabbing Crowley's hips tightly.

"My darling", he breathed, lips parted as he stared back into Crowley's desperate eyes. "Yes. Oh, please. Take what you need. Take whatever you want from me. I'm yours, my love."

And that was all Crowley needed to hear.

He raised himself on his knees, searching hand reaching beneath him to wrap around Aziraphale's cock, delighting in the breathy gasp escaping his angel's mouth when Crowley stroked him once, twice, holding him steady and guiding him where he needed-

And then he was finally sinking down, head thrown back as he allowed himself to feel how Aziraphale filled him inch by glorious inch, pushing deeper as Crowley lowered himself on thighs shaking with pleasure. 

He didn't try to mask the rapture on his face, didn't try to swallow the groan reverberating in his throat. Let Aziraphale see, let him know what he did to him, what he was to him. He had waited millennia for this.

"Crowley."

He opened his eyes to find the angel staring at him, face flushed and eyes glowing and hair an absolutely sinful mess of white curls. He looked just as far gone as Crowley felt, and Crowley loved him so much he hardly knew how to breathe.

"I love you", he heard himself say, like the sappy fool he was, and Aziraphale smiled. Fuck. "So much. Angel-"

"Oh-" Aziraphale reached out, callused fingertips caressing Crowley's cheek and wiping away a stray tear he hadn't even realized had escaped the corner of his eye.

How terribly pathetically undemonic of him. He couldn't find it in himself to care. 

"I love you too. My darling. My Crowley."

Yours, Crowley thought, for the millionth time, just as thrillingly undeniably true as the very first. Only ever yours, angel.

Crowley leaned in, resting his forehead against Aziraphale's as he closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. He allowed himself a moment to feel, to simply feel Aziraphale inside him, shifting ever so slightly with every twitch of Crowley's hips, feel the way they felt connected so deeply, so intimately, so inherently and exquisitely human.

"So long", Crowley muttered, words a quiet breath in the space between them. "This, I- I wanted- for so fucking long, I-"

Aziraphale's hands travelled up his back, palm stroking soothingly over Crowley's skin.

"I know, dearest." A soft press of lips to Crowley's cheek. "I know."

He opened his eyes, leaning back just enough to find Aziraphale's soft blue gaze, yet close enough to feel his warmth, his all-encompassing presence.

"Whenever you're ready, my love", his angel said, and Crowley didn't need to be told twice.

His hips started moving almost of their own accord, somehow knowing exactly how to find the perfect rhythm that had sparks travelling up his spine with every roll, his eyes open and unblinking so he wouldn't miss a single second of Aziraphale's features contorting with pleasure Crowley was giving him.

"Oh, you-" Aziraphale released a choked moan, eyelids fluttering beautifully as his mouth fell open. "Crowley- Crowley, you feel-"

"Yeah?" Crowley gripped the angel's shoulder for more leverage, lifting himself up and coming back together in a fluid motion. The slide was smooth, the angel's girth filling and stretching him more exquisitely than he could ever have imagined, but it all grew pale in comparison to the high it was to watch Aziraphale.

"How's it feel, angel?", he heard himself ask, not even filtering what was coming out of his mouth anymore. "Tell me. Tell me-"

"Incredible", Aziraphale gasped, fingers digging into Crowley's hip so hard there was no way he wasn't leaving bruises, and fucking Hell yes please-  

"You're incredible", Aziraphale said again, hips working to meet Crowley for every thrust, and his thighs ached, his back ached, but it was the best kind of ache.

His fangs ached even more, desperate to find purchase on the angel's flawless skin and claim Aziraphale in return, just as he could feel the angel's fingers imprinted on him. 

He couldn't help himself, nosing along the column of Aziraphale's neck, surely it couldn't hurt if he just let his teeth scrape over that tempting hollow where neck met shoulder- and before he knew what had happened, his fangs were buried in warm flesh, so deep Crowley knew he must have drawn blood on the angel's shoulder- fuck fuck fuck-

He panicked for a second, mind going a million miles an hour as he stared at the red punctures his teeth had left in the angel's skin - dread colliding with a deep sense of satisfaction at the sight - and he just wanted to scramble back and apologize when Aziraphale suddenly moaned low in his throat, a hand settling in his neck and guiding his mouth back to the angel's broken skin.

"Yes", the angel hissed, effectively throwing Crowley's world off its axis. "Don't stop. Mark me, Crowley. Everyone shall see that I'm yours, beloved-"

And that was too much, that was more than a demon, or a snake, or fucking anyone could ever be asked to take. He latched back onto the angel's neck, greedily licking the marking he had left, the metallic taste of Aziraphale's blood hitting his forked tongue. And Aziraphale let him, allowed him to lick and suck and nibble to his heart's desire, perfectly-manicured nails scraping the base of Crowley's skull encouragingly until he finally had to lean back to admire his work.

"Fucking Hell-" Crowley was sure he almost discorporated at the sight of his utterly debauched angel, willingly marked as his. "So beautiful like this, angel. Can't believe-"

Can't believe you let me do this. Can't believe you're here. Can't believe you're mine.

He trailed off, breathless and overwhelmed, a rapturous smile forming on his lips as he let his head roll back, concentrating on the fluid motion of his hips as he felt Aziraphale twitching inside him. 

"Oh, you're marvellous", Aziraphale said, the angel's gaze on him like a physical touch. "Can't believe it either, my dear. Can't believe I'm the only one who gets to have this, gets to have you like this-"

Aziraphale's eyes were fixed on him, flitting over Crowley's flushed chest, his arched back, the way his abdominal muscles clenched and worked beneath his skin with every movement. When he found Crowley's eyes again, Aziraphale's pupils were blown, his hands on the demon's body clutching at him almost greedily, possessively. 

"Don't want anyone else to see you like this", Aziraphale said, the tendons in his throat working as he swallowed. "My beautiful darling, all for me, all mine- oh, Crowley-"

His thighs were beginning to shake, more so from Aziraphale's words and the delirious overstimulating sensations coursing through his body than any real exhaustion - he was a demon after all - but Aziraphale till caught onto it right away. Strong hands were reaching under his hips to help in guiding him up and drop him down, and the display of strength did things to Crowley he might have been embarrassed about if he hadn't been currently stuffed full of angelic cock and therefore far beyond any care in the world.

"Allow me-" 

Arms encircled him, holding him tight against the angel as Aziraphale flipped them over, somehow managing to lay Crowley down carefully into the soft sheets without ever separating the connection of their bodies, and Crowley instantly wrapped his legs around the angel's waist, encouraging him to keep up the relentless movement of their hips as they came together again and again. 

"Don't let go", Crowley said, voice laced with desperation as his legs squeezed Aziraphale tightly, the angel's hands searing his skin wherever they touched- and Crowley needed that fire, needed that burn to remind him that this was actually happening, that he wasn't just caught in a delirious dream. "Please, angel, just-"

"Never", Aziraphale said, and it was a promise, a vow, Crowley could hear it so clearly, could feel it engraved in every fibre of his being. "I'll never let you go again."

It was every fantasy he'd ever had and yet so much better for being real.

"Aziraphale." The angel's name left him as a sob, his body aflame, arching towards the angel's light, hot and blinding.

"I'm here." Hands framed his face, lips pressed frantic kisses to his cheeks, his mouth, Aziraphale's panting breath in his ears as the angel sped up. "I'm here, my love."

"So close", Crowley gasped, moaned, feeling Aziraphale's body blanketing him, Aziraphale's length throbbing inside him, Aziraphale's spirit surrounding him and reaching for his own. "Can feel you, you're so- so close, it's-"

"Everything", Aziraphale said, and yes, yes-

"C-Crowley, I'm- I-I think I'm-"

The angel's hips stuttered, losing rhythm for a moment, and yes, Crowley could feel it too, wanted it more than anything, the euphoric bliss of tumbling over that edge together, to see Aziraphale as he did.

"Yeah. Do it", he said, a plea more than anything. "Please, wanna feel it. Inside me, angel, please, stay-"

"Crowley", Aziraphale moaned, breathless, choked off, filled with utter bliss and longing-

It was the best thing Crowley had ever heard. 

Better, even, than nightingales.

When they came together, the plants in the next room all grew a few inches, sprouting flowers. A brand new collection of romance novels turned up in the bookshop, the couples strolling through St James Park fell in love all over again (and felt a sudden urge to buy frozen peas) and a few blocks over on Berkeley square, all nightingales lifted their heads, looking towards Mayfair. 

The angel and the demon were unaware of all this, falling down into the pillows wrapped up in each other's arms, whispering words of comfort and love until their heartbeats slowed, their searing skin cooling and the mess between them miraculously vanished.

Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley's lean frame, pulling him in until the demon's head was resting comfortably on the angel's chest. 

"Do you need anything, my love?"

Crowley shook his head, a truly content smile on his lips.

"Just you", he said, because it was sappy, and it was true, and he was allowed to say it now. 

"I believe that can be arranged", Aziraphale answered, with a smile in his voice and a kiss to Crowley's hair. 

Outside the flat, the sounds of music were coming from the Bentley parked in the street.

Seems like there's always someone who disapproves, it said.
They'll judge it like they know about me and you
And the verdict comes from those with nothing else to do
The jury's out but my choice is you

And from over on Berkeley Square, a nightingale flew across London, landing on the yellow hood of the car and joining it in song.

So don't you worry your pretty little mind
People throw rocks at things that shine
But they can't take what's ours

The stakes are high
The water's rough

But this love is ours

Chapter Text

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me."

Crowley groaned loudly from the driver's seat of the Bentley, hand still on the key he had just turned in the ignition, and Aziraphale had to avert his head and look towards the window to hide his amused smile.

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out, it sounded from the radio, the same singer Aziraphale recognized from his drive to Crowley's flat about a week prior.

This was their first outing since then, not that either of them had paid any attention to the passage of time, Aziraphale had been far too focused on persisting that Crowley did not leave his sight, did not leave his bed - and did not put on any clothes, for that matter. 

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow

"Is this how you learned about humans falling in love in the rain?", Aziraphale couldn't help but ask, biting his lips when Crowley glared at him over the edge of his glasses.

"Shut up, angel."

"Oh, someone's tetchy."

"Just sick of getting tortured by fucking Taylor Swift", Crowley growled through gritted teeth, fighting with various buttons on the radio that did not seem to have any effect whatsoever. 

"Oh, is that what this lovely artist is called? I must say, I find her music quite striking."

"Strikingly annoying for sure", Crowley grumbled, but Aziraphale knew that tone, knew that tension in the demon's jaw that always gave him away when he was being particularly obtrusive about pretending not to like something.

"Perhaps your dislike stems from her words hitting a little too close to home, hm?", Aziraphale dared to say, smiling innocently when Crowley scowled. 

This love is good, this love is bad
This love is alive back from the dead, the car proclaimed, causing Aziraphale to grin just a little smugly as the demon turned to hiss and hit his palm against the steering wheel in indignant betrayal. 

These hands had to let it go free, and
This love came back to me, ohohoh

"I said shut up, both of you."

In losing grip
On sinking ships
You showed up just in time

Crowley groaned in frustration, forehead falling against the steering wheel as the Bentley switched songs once again. 

Oh, dear. Aziraphale felt his smile faltering a little, and of course it caught Crowley's attention right away, the demon's hand finding his own and linking their fingers together.

"Hey!" He gave the Bentley a gloomy look. "Cut it off. We're done with all that."

Hey, now you say you want it back
Now that it's just too late
Well, it could've been easy
All you had to do was stay

"Jesus Christ, read the fucking room! Stupid car." 

Crowley smashed the skip button repeatedly to no avail, pausing his angry molestation of the Bentley's interior when Aziraphale squeezed his hand.

"It's alright, dear. I think she has a right to make her feelings known", Aziraphale said, nodding meaningfully towards the radio as the song switched once again.

Friends break up, friends get married
Strangers get born, strangers get buried
Trends change, rumours fly through new skies
But I'm right where you left me, she played, as if underlining the angel's point.

"Oh, come on." Crowley glared at the radio. "You make it sound like the car is some freakish version of a child of divorce or some shit-"

"Nonono, I could deal with this crap when I was down in my feels- ahhrngk", Crowley broke off, jaw tensing as his ears started to colour. "I-I mean- ugh, whatever. Nevermind. You really wanna listen to this all the way over to St. James', angel?"

"It does seem just a little bit bleak", he eventually agreed, surprised to find the Bentley cutting the sad tune off instantly and playing something that sounded much lighter and more cheerful, helping to shake him from his moment of gloominess.

'Cause I believe that we were supposed to find this
So, even in a different life, you still would've been mine
We would've been timeless

"Ah, so when you say something she listens", Crowley said disbelievingly, throwing up his arms in frustration. "I see how it is. Unfaithful set of wheels, you are."

"We have been getting along rather well, haven't we", Aziraphale smiled, chuckling when the car gave a little honk of confirmation.

"Stop that!" Crowley's fingers tightened around the steering wheel until his knuckles were white, finally pulling out of their parking space. "You don't make sounds like that!"

"Don't be angry with her." Aziraphale gently petted the leather of his seat to console the poor thing. "She just wants to please me. I know someone else just like that", the angel couldn't help but add with a little smirk, pleased to see the tips of Crowley's ears turning red as the demon stared pointedly at the road. 

"Angel-"

"You're just coming after your owner, aren't you, sweet girl?", Aziraphale cooed, affectionately stroking a hand over the passenger door. 

Crowley's head whipped around to him, jaw tense. 

"Don't stroke over the fucking handle like that", he hissed, visibly forcing his eyes back to the road with some effort, and Aziraphale was sure he recognized that expression exactly for what it was.

"Oh?" He leaned a little closer to Crowley, gently placing a hand above the demon's knee that jerked violently at the touch, causing Aziraphale to grin. 

Right on.

"Is there something else you'd rather have me stroking, dear?", he asked in his best impression of naive innocence, his fingers applying just the lightest pressure around the demon's leg.

Crowley made a choked sound, yanking on the steering wheel and fighting to keep the Bentley from swivelling on the road, but Aziraphale only had eyes for Crowley's face, hungry to see the effect he had on the demon.

"Fucking Hell, angel!" Crowley threw a frantic glance at him as he made sure to keep the car steady. "Nearly discorporated us both."

A muscle next to Crowley's eye twitched as he stared purposely out the front window, just so visible beyond the edge of his glasses, and it fuelled Aziraphale's boldness, the headiness of being the one to tempt the very originator of Temptation itself.

"That would be a shame when I'm so fond of these corporations", the angel said casually, his hand inching just a little higher on Crowley's leg, and the demon's knuckles strained even more as he clung to the steering wheel.

"What's gotten into you?!", Crowley hissed through gritted teeth, sounding almost scandalised and definitely as affected as Aziraphale wanted him to be. "Not in front of the car!"

All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation, said car blasted through the speakers.
My hands are shaking from holding back from you
All of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting
My hands are shaking from all this 

"Oh my fucking-" Crowley swore under his breath. "You gotta be joking-"

Aziraphale barely suppressed a laugh.

"Sound like someone's on my side here", he pointed out, biting his lips when Crowley pulled a face.

"Yeah. Sounds like it, doesn't it."

"Such a good car, aren't you?" Of course, Aziraphale was aware he was being a little shit - as Crowley would say - but he was enjoying himself far too much to stop now, and beneath it all he knew that Crowley enjoyed it just as much - it had been the demon to point out that he was 'just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing', after all. 

"No", Crowley said, brow furrowed in irritation. "In fact, she's being a very naughty car and we're gonna have a chat about this behaviour later."

The music stopped instantaneously.

~oOo~

Crowley glanced over at the angel, rolling his eyes at the clear pout on Aziraphale's face.

"Do you not like me and the Bentley getting along?", the angel asked, and Crowley scoffed.

"I don't like her misbehavin' and you praising her for it", he corrected. "You can't do that with a car. They're like children, angel. Send mixed signals and before you know it they drive around below the speed limit lookin like a pastel macaroon."

Aziraphale crossed his arms in front of his chest. 

"I like macaroons."

The corner of Crowley's mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly, he couldn't help it.

"I know you do", he said unable to hide the trace of fondness in his voice, "that wasn't the poi-"

He was rudely cut off by the tray that had previously held Aziraphale's damned travel sweets on his way to Edinburgh appearing between them, filled with an assortment of differently coloured French macaroons, because of fucking course it was. 

Aziraphale made a delighted sound beside him, reaching out to find his grabby fingers slapped away by Crowley quickly interfering before the angel could reach the nightmare in pastel colours his traitorous bastard of a car had conjured up for him.

"Absolutely not!", Crowley said, ignoring as that adorable mopey pout returned to the angel's face. "You both know what I think about travel sweets. That means no travel confections, either!"

The angel huffed, slumping back in his seat as the blasted tray thankfully vanished.

"Really, Crowley." The angel tsked. "Perhaps she likes me better because I don't yell at her."

Aziraphale patted the glove compartment tenderly, the gesture causing Crowley to grit his teeth.

"Will you stop that." He swallowed hard, pointedly not acknowledging the uncomfortable churning in his gut, because he was absolutely not wishing those fingers were lavishing their attention on him instead, no.

"Leaves fingerprints", he argued weakly, pressing down the accelerator just a little harder.

"It does not", Aziraphale said. "You'd never allow that."

He was right, of course.

"Fine. 'S just distracting."

"How so?"

Crowley could feel his cheeks heating up, resolutely not looking at Aziraphale as he felt the phantom touch of the angel's hand where it had rested on his thigh.

"Just is."

"Crowley..." Aziraphale was looking at him, Crowley could tell, his name rolling off the angel's tongue slowly, deliberately, and the demon thought he might feel himself beginning to sweat.

"Are you-" Aziraphale broke off, his eyes boring into Crowley.

"What", he snapped, just a little too forcefully not to be suspicious even to his own ears, and from the corner of his eye he could see the moment the penny dropped, the angel's lips parting and brow furrowing. Fucking-

"Oh, really now." Aziraphale shook his head, his voice somehow conveying exasperated disbelief with a strangely pleased undertone. "Don't be jealous of the car, dear."

"Wha-" Crowley cleared his throat in a failed attempt to keep his dignity intact. "I'm not-"

"You know there's nothing I like as well as you", Aziraphale went on mercilessly, an amused smile in his voice now, "and neither does the Bentley. She's just nice to me because she knows you want her to be."

"And because she's a smug, devious little tease."

"Well." He could see Aziraphale's mouth curling in a smirk next to him. "You do have a type, love."

Crowley sputtered, blushing from the tips of his ears probably all the way down to his chest, unable to do anything but try to breathe and not discorporate from mortification on the spot as Aziraphale leaned over with a chuckle and pressed a kiss to his flaming red cheek.

"You know I'm just teasing you, dearest", he said softly, and yes, uhuh, yes, Crowley knew very well indeed, what the fuck. 

"Now." Aziraphale was still close to him, warmth radiating off him and making Crowley itch to wrap around him and bask in it. "How about you take us home, hm?"

"But we only just left-"

"I know." The angel shrugged, smiling that not-at-all-innocent smile of his. "But I find myself feeling rather peckish, and you wouldn't let me have any of those delectable-looking macaroons. I think it's only fair you let me nibble on something else, and a public space is really not at all suitable for what I have in mind."

"Ngk-" Crowley cursed under his breath, hitting the brakes so hard the tires screeched on the road as he took a sharp turn towards the shortest way back to the flat.

 Devious little tease indeed...

Aziraphale held onto his seat as Crowley yanked the Bentley around, but the sound escaping the angel's lips once they were back on their way home was a smug hum of delight, even going so far as to do that damned happy little wiggle that drove Crowley absolutely insane. 

"But I'm warnin' you, angel." Crowley threw a glance at him, eyebrows lifted pointedly above his glasses. "I won't let you ride in the car again if you keep this up. Won't have a moment's peace anymore between the two of you."

Aziraphale smiled, shrugging lightly and folding his hands in front of his belly, all prim and proper, evidently delightfully pleased with himself, the bastard.

Crowley loved him to bits.

"I'm sure we can behave", his angel said. "Isn't that right, dear Bentley?"

The car made that god-awful honking sound again, and Crowley didn't even have it in himself to scold her this time.

"How about you play us something nice", Aziraphale said to the car, comfortably settling back in his seat as he awaited Crowley to take them home. 

Holy fucking shit. Home. 

"No Taylor Swift", Crowley said.

"I like her." 

"Whatever."

And focusing on the street he didn't really have to pay any attention to, Crowley pretended not to notice as Aziraphale leaned closer to the glove compartment, smiling to himself. 

"Let him pretend to be grumpy a little longer", the angel whispered conspiratorially, and Crowley willed the corner of his mouth not to twitch up. "I think we can let him have this one, hm?"

When the radio turned on again, the tune was gentle and familiar. 

That certain night
The night we met
There was magic abroad in the air
There were angels dining at the Ritz
And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square