Archive of Our Own ^beta

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I know I said I would be okay, I trust I will. I checked my phone today and the date is glitched. So I decided to write down in it all and maybe, when I get out of here, I'll have the date restored, though I don't know how long it would take.

In the Dark World, there's only purebred Heartless. They're sneaky bastards, hide in shadows and try to attack you from behind. The higher the rank, the stronger they can be. Neoshadows are particularly annoying, since they usually come in flocks.

Shadows also come in flocks, but they're far less coordinated, they need a higher rank to guide them if they are to actually work in group, I found a Neoshadow commanding a group of Shadows once, they get far more annoying than if fought on their own.

I've seen some Darkballs as well, they're just as annoying as he one I had to fight in the Realm of Light. Though, they're still very much idiots that can be easily dodged, the sheer number of them seem bigger than ever here. It's just plain annoying.

But, it doesn't matter. As long as you guys are safe, I don't mind staying at all. I've been dealing with darkness since a young age, I don't see how difficult it could be now. And once I get home, I'll make sure to tell you all about how I beat every single one of them.

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It's strange how the worlds actually end up here, I just saw one getting sucked here. There was a mere thunder and lightning in the distance and when I got there... All I saw was ruins of whatever place that was. I've never seen people come here, maybe they get turned into a Heartless before they even get the chance to enter this place? But if so... Why am I still in one piece? Could it be because I entered through Kingdom Hearts' doors?

Either way, I tried my best to count the time, but even my cellphone's clock doesn't work here. I tried finding an old clock, but its hands don't move at all, no matter if I messed in it or not. I guess... Time just doesn't work here, then?

There's no son as well. Only a full moon in the distance. I know it sounds weird to say such thing, but... I can swear it changes everytime I walk anywhere. If I'm at point A, it's a full moon. At point B it will be a Crescent moon. At point C it'll be a third quarter... It's strange, it's an anomaly for sure. Is it on purpose? Could this place have a mind of its own?

Or am I just imagining things already?

Haha, doubt it. I would definitely get a good laugh out of you if I actually said that to you, right? Not because you find me weird, but because of the absurdity of it all, I know that much. On the other hand, I wouldn't doubt that you would be worried at me, I can almost hear your unbearable lecturing. But, no worries, I'm fine.

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Coming to think of it, I haven't felt any sort of hunger yet. Any sort of thirst. Any sort of sleep... Is it because of these powers I'm wielding now? The helmet, the suit, the Keyblade and this Darkness... Are they the reason I don't feel the need of caring for myself?

On one hand it might be good, as there's really no food or drinkable water source here. The only water I've seen was this small beach I just found today. It's incredibly calm, no one's around... But at the same time, it's unsettling.

It's just confusing, honestly. A beach this calm should remember me of that trip we used to do before your work became more and more demanding. I know now there's just some duties you can't ignore or refuse, no matter how hard you might want to. But, it was my decision after all and you trusted me on this, I wouldn't want to disappoint you now.

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There's definitely someone here. I heard loud and clear today, they called me or lured me, I'm not sure. I just know that whenever I get lost or fall, I get back to that beach. It's supposed to be a safe haven I guess?

It doesn't feel that safe, honestly. There's just something about this beach that creeps me whenever I stare at it too long. I just can't quite put my finger on it.

I don't think there's something in the water. If there was, it wouldn't be this calm or it would've attacked me before, right? Well, I won't be the fool to find that out. If there is something there, I wanna be far away from it, I might win against it, but I'm not willing to find out, not for now at least.

Coming to think of it... Wasn't there a legend like that in that island that said a monster was out there or something and we just fished some big ugly looking fish? We have a photo from that moment, right? It bit my line and you helped me pull. Otherwise I would've gone into the water. Good times.

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I was never one to believe in superstition, but this place really gives me the creeps. Not just that stupid beach, but the entirety of it, the place is packed with Heartless in evey corner, I've been fighting nonstop.

And once in a while I can hear people laughing at me. It's annoying. It's frustrating. It's infuriating. Thank goodness there's the Heartless for me to beat my anger into, otherwise the already fragile ruins of dilapidated worlds would've suffered the damage instead.

I learned now what's been happening with the Heartless I kill, somehow, I absorb them. But it's weird. If I'm absorbing them, then why does it seems like more and more of them appear? It makes no sense.

Was your battles always this annoyingly long? No... I guess not. You were trained to be an efficient combatant. I'm just some kid who happened to have affinity with darkness. Though, none of it was really my choice, right... You would always tell me that story of how grandpa threatened me when you guys were a week away from finally leaving the hospital with me, and all of the times I would find cool that you managed to solve the problem, but... Now I think it never really solved anything. If anything, grandpa got exactly what he wanted... I'm a heart of darkness, like him. The difference is, I still have grasp on light. He doesn't. And I have only you to thank.

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I finally saw it, one of the laughs I heard. Completely covered in darkness, she fittingly called herself "Entity". I don't know what she wanted with me, but... It just attacked me and we fought. I managed to defeat it, but I got pretty injured, I couldn't use healing magic anymore and I have no items on me.

After fighting a couple Heartless, I noticed my injuries healed themselves... Could it be that when I defeat some Heartless, I recover from injuries? Considering I was absorbing them, it makes a bit of sense. But still, I feel like that woman wasn't defeated. If anything, I feel like she was just stopped temporarily or something, I just got that terrible gut feeling.

And while I was fighting her, whenever she attacked me, even if I blocked, it hurt like hell, like it was hitting deep into my skin. Like it was digging and crawling into my veins. It was a bit unsettling, I won't lie, but in the end, I got out alive.

Coming to think of it... Whenever I'm writing, I noticed I'm involuntarily writing as if I'm talking to you or sending you a message. And I'm not really sure why. I could've written as if I'm talking to my brother or sister, or even my mother... But here I am, writing as if I'm writing to you, father. I don't know how long it's been, but... It's weird to think I won't be seeing you soon. But no worries, your kid's fine.

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She was back, I saw her in a mirror, and when I turned around... She wasn't there anymore. Coming to think of it... When was the last time I slept? I can't really remember... Though, I'm not feeling tired...

I saw her again, on the water, and yet again, I turned around and no sight of her. She's playing with me, isn't she? Fucking bitch. She thinks it's funny to torment someone in the middle of a mission.

Next time I see her, I'll make sure she regrets ever crossing paths with me. It's annoying as hell having to keep being wary of her. It's irritating to have to deal with her. I just met this woman for a day and I already hate her guts to death.

Hopefully you'll never even hear of her if I don't mention it. No worries on that, I'll deal with her and banish her to the very depths of hell... Though, knowing where I am, I might as well be in hell, right? So I'll exorcise her. I'll make sure that despicable creature doesn't have the chance of bothering anyone ever again.

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I think I saw Xion today. I saw her entering some dark woods. I knew that was a trick. I knew that Entity was trying to lure me. I'm not a idiot. I followed the path I was in, still fighting off Heartless like there was no end. I don't know how many hours it's been. I don't know how long I walked. I don't know where the end of this place is. I don't know how far I'll have to go. It's the oldest trick in the book something inhuman act like a beloved one to lure people inside.

If I see that Entity again, what should I do? Just fight it? Just face it? I don't know... It's frustrating, not knowing a solid plan to fight someone off. I know I'll have a decent way to heal myself in any case, but it's nothing if I don't have a way to defeat that creature.

It's like nothing I've seen or fought before, it's like that creature's made out of sheer and raw darkness... Did I said this before or is it in my head? I don't remember. Ugh. The color palette is tiresome. Mostly black, purple and sometimes red. If there are other colors they usually look so... Is muted the term? Or was it musky? Well, it's like there's no life to the colors.

You should've seen the way I've been defeating all those Heartless. I guess I'm getting stronger here. Or at least, forcing myself to become stronger. I have to, really. This place can be kind of ruthless... But don't worry, I'm trying my best at taking care of myself, like you always told me and scolded me to. Coming to think of it, you always told me that and yet YOU forgot to do that sometimes, didn't you? Haha. "Do as I say not as I do", I can already hear you saying it. Can't wait to be home.

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I tried following whatever was mimicking my sister. It didn't matter if it had Xion's face in it. I'm gonna beat the living shit out of it like there's no tomorrow. I'm not forgiving it. Not after what they said. Not after what they did. Not after pissing me off.

I got pretty badly beaten up, but... I defeated it. Somehow... I feel like something's off. Like there's something wrong. Like... It's not over. Is this because of the Entity? I don't know anymore. I don't think I'm in condition to really rationalize.

After killing some Heartless, I'm feeling at least a bit better. I recovered from my wounds. I think I'm started to feel a bit tired mentally. But... I don't feel like I'll be able to sleep. Whenever I stop, they stop too. They keep surrounding me. They must think their quantity must scare me, but... Honestly I think they're more afraid of me than I am of them. Do those things even feel something? Am I... Defeating, killing living creatures? I don't know... They seem to have a generally functional mob mentality of sorts. If one feels threatened, more will come. Though the lower the rank the more likely they are of attacking, but... Not even the lower ranks are coming after me. It's like they're waiting for me to make the first move. Fucking bastards. They can all go to hell as far as I'm concerned. They've caused nothing but trouble. Why should I bother anyway?

Am I talking too much? Sorry. I can't sleep even though I'm feeling mentally exhausted. I want to try and sleep. But it's like my body won't let me. If I fight, I think I recover from it, but... I don't want to fight right now... Is this what Valhalla was supposed to be? A heavenly place for warriors to fight endlessly without getting tired? It sound insanely idiotic now. Why would one want to do the exact same thing every single day?

I tried listening to music or something, but no other app in my phone besides the notepad works. I miss the practicalities. Like a soft bed, a good warm shower, a hot meal, a cold drink... Having someone to talk to besides myself is what I miss most. I'm sorry for each and every time I... Didn't want to talk, I think I now get a little how it must've felt for you, getting home from a tough day and just wanting a friendly face to talk to. And yet I just frowned and isolated myself in my room... I know it wasn't your fault. And I understand that I was feeling frustrated with a bunch of stuff... But still... If I could time travel, I swear to God, I would take every single opportunity to talk to you, dad.

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The Heartless started moving in weird patterns. It's been a hot minute since any of them attack or that I could attack them. Even if I went for it, they just dodged, evade or anything like that. I couldn't hit any of them.

With the Darkness, I should be able to suffice my physiological need for food, water and rest, but without fighting... It's like I don't have that anymore. What? So that's the plan? Starve me to death or make me go insane? Yeah right.

I had an encounter with the Entity. I beat her. For good. I even absorbed her... She kept using Xion's face to try and distract me, she used Xion copies to try and hit me. I fought back, of course. They cried like her. Out of pain. It like... I hurt my sister.

I tried to ignore them, but then... They outnumbered me. The Entity tried to take my heart and devour it, but... I fought back, somehow. Going for the killing blow...

Poor little vessel. He thinks he can run away from us. Then try. Run little vessel, run. The more you fight the more fun we have. For you may have defeated the Entity, but it's not over yet.

I tried erasing that text and... It just didn't work. It didn't erase it. And I don't know what she means by that. Now that I absorbed her, I feel... More powerful, definitely. But there's something different, something... Off. And I don't know what is.

Can you imagine if I could open a portal now and go home? How cool would that be? Yeah, I can imagine... But I'm not about to run from my mission now. She said there's more, so... Sorry, but I'll have to stay behind and defeat them. But I promise I'll go home safe and sound.

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I heard them again... The laughs. They're whispering behind my back. I can hear two archaic forms of English and... An unsettling sound. As if... It's a thing, but... Not a thing. Something, but nothing. It calls itself "Void". And it appeared to me. He looked me in the eye and I saw nothing. The deep, dark and lonely nothingness.

He disappeared like he appeared, out of nowhere. He said something about... Losing myself to darkness. That my destiny was set in stone the moment I was born. The moment my father refused to follow the prophecy and the deal my grandpa made.

What... Does he mean by that? Destiny? My... Father?

No.

I'm not letting some thing get to me.

He won't get to me.

Not like this.

Dad... I don't know if you'll ever read this, but... What did he mean by prophecy? Why did he mentioned you?

My, my. Your father told you nothing, huh.

Shut up.

You're dying to confront him about it. I know. I can see in your little dark heart.

He must've had a good reason for it.

Or he followed his father's footsteps. When the time came, he sacrificed his child. Like father like son.

Dad always made his best for us. To keep me, my brother and sister safe and my mom as well.

And yet, your mother died in your father's arms.

Shut up.

You have doubts.

I don't.

Yes, keep lying to yourself. The more you keep your delusions, the harder the reality will hit you.

Shut up.

And the more delicious you'll be.

SHUT UP

Dad...

I don't know what to do. I want to go home.

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I kept walking and walking. Fighting and fighting. But... The Keyblade's been failing me. I sometimes can't summon it. I think something's wrong. Does it has to do with that Void?

I'm back at the beach. I fell. There I thought I saw Sora. I know it's them playing tricks in me.

In the dark we trust, in the dark we live.

In the dark we trust, in the dark we live.

In the dark we trust, in the dark we live.

In the dark we trust, in the dark we live.

In the dark we trust, in the dark we live.

In the dark we trust, in the dark we live.

Annoying. She won't stop bothering me too. Even after defeat she's annoying me. I have bigger things to worry about. And yet... Here she is, annoying me.

Yet again, the Void talked of debt. Of how... He never got his part back. That... My father never paid him back for borrowing his power. But... My father's not a Keyblade Wielder. He never was.

He didn't even knew what the Keyblade was, right?... Right?

What a liar.

I'm not listening to you.

They're lying and I know that.

I kept walking and walking. Trying to fight without depending on the Keyblade, but it's hard... Mana takes longer to recover here. Much longer. I have to fight triple the amount of Heartless to recover my Mana.  I don't have any Ethers or Elixirs with me. How annoying.

I saw Sora again. He kept saying dad was there and that he would hunt me down. That he would come after me. Bullshit. Neither Sora or dad are here. Neither Xion or dad are here.

I know you guys are in the Realm of Light. Safer than I am. But if you're not safe, then... Please... Keep fighting. Just until I can reach you, I'll come and defeat them all. I'll come and protect you...

like you protected me.

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I tried fighting it. I don't know where I am. I run and run. And yet, I don't leave where I am. It's vast and wide... But small and cramped. There's everything and nothing at the same time. I could see nothing and absolutely everything at the same time. What IS with this place?!

That's just how the void works. It takes your senses, one by one. Minute by minute. You already lost your sense of space the moment you entered the void. You lost your sense of time the moment you entered the Dark World. How long until you lose your sense of self?

I screamed. At the top of my lungs. But no sound propagates in the void. In the emptiness.

Coming to think of it... My name means "empty" as well... Doesn't it? Why was I named like that?

Mom always said it was because she loved the art that had the same name, but... She didn't realize that "Vanitas" means empty?

What were you guys thinking about? Why didn't you just choose something else? Though... You guys already had the names Sora and Xion picked out, right?

Xion because of the flower "shion" and Sora because mom said dad's eyes reminded her of the sky and that's why "Sora", but... What about me...?

Was I... Named accordingly to what you guys were feeling at the time...?

Because I don't see dad letting grandpa naming me.

And even if he did, somehow... Why didn't you changed into something else? Why l

et it be Vanitas?

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I'm still stuck in the void. I tried summoning my Keyblade to no avail. Though I could see a bit of hope. When I try to summon it, a faint light appears in the distance. I followed it while trying to summon it. I ran and ran, got closer and closer. Until I found it. The Void Gear.

I slowly approached that turmoil of darkness surrounding it and touched it.

Poor little boy, you see the truth, you see the dark. Welcome to your reality.

There was something about dad. I couldn't... Hear it, but... He got an agreement it seemed, with grandpa... No... I'm not letting this... This thing lie to me.

I went after it. I ran and ran, now with my keyblade in hands. I'm pissed. This thing is... Just trying to destroy the image I have of my family. And I almost let it. I'm gonna chase it, to the end of the world if I need, but I WILL defeat this bastard.

You wouldn't do that, right? Agree to offer my life over yours... If that would be the case, then... Why did you kept me instead of leaving me with grandpa? That makes no sense to me. It's bull crap, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have waited for three months for me, right? You wouldn't have raised me, you wouldn't have loved me. It makes no sense and I know that.