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Chapter Text

Ever since Sam had woken up, his chest had felt hollow.

When he awoke to the blinding flights of the hospital room, it was to his sister clutching his hand with a vice grip, even as she slept in her chair. Bucky was seated at his other bedside, eyes swollen and with an empty stare. His enhanced hearing must have heard the change in his breathing, because he was the first person to notice he was awake.

Golden brown eyes met ocean blue ones, and Sam felt something warm settle over his chest.

It was probably the painkillers though. That or nausea.

“Sarah!” Bucky gently shook his sister awake. Her eyes flew open to look at her brother, and Sam could see where she had to keep herself from collapsing in relief. The super soldier held a steady hand on her back.

“Oh my god, Sam!” She flung her arms around him, mindful of the wires and tubes sticking out of him. Her body shook with sobs.

“Hey Sar,” the Captain answered. He thought his hug was strong, but he was too tired and sore to tell. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not okay! You’ve been asleep for two weeks! Your dumbassery broke your arm and your ribs and-”

“We’ve been worried, Sam, all of us,” Bucky interjected with a soft tone, but his face quickly morphed into anger. Sam didn’t think he’s ever seen him so angry before, and he’s seen him angry. “I know being Captain America meant that you had to make tough calls in the field, but this one was pure stupidity. You went and got yourself hurt even when I specifically told you-”

“I don’t want to sound rude or anything, but how did you get in here? Wait a minute, don’t tell me you glared at the nurses until they let you in”, Sam said with a teasing tone. Sarah and Bucky become quiet and look at him confused.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” Bucky asked with barely concealed heartbreak.

Suddenly, Sam noticed that Bucky had not removed his arm from Sarah’s back. That realization that his sister and friend had gotten together while he was unconscious left a sour taste in his mouth, even if he didn’t know why.

“I didn’t mean anything by it!” Oh fuck, now both of them looked like they were going to cry. “I just meant that Sarah’s here because she’s family, obviously. I just didn’t think that I updated my emergency contact information to include you, is all. Although I guess you’re her boyfriend, so…”

Bucky looked even more crestfallen, and Sam immediately tried to smooth the inevitable hurt he had caused by somehow insinuating Bucky wasn’t family, because that was the furthest thing from the truth.

“I’m sorry Buck, I don’t have my head on straight. To be fair I’m on some pretty strong drugs. Of course you’re part of this family. I know technically Sarah is older than me now, but it’s her big brother’s duty to chase away any boys interested in her. Except you’re not a boy,” Sam awkwardly rambled. “What I’m trying to say is…I’m happy for you guys. I mean, my two favorite people in the world have gotten together, and that’s awesome. It kinda sucks that I got beat up by some flagsmashers in order for it to happen, but hey, since when is our life anything normal?”

Sarah and Bucky shared a look, and Sam’s chest panged at seeing their easy chemistry. He was happy for them, right?

“Sam”, Sarah eventually asked. “Do you know the year?”

“2023.”

Something about the horrified silence told Sam that he was a little off.

Chapter Text

His sister, his partner, and the medbay staff did their best to ease him into the news, and if he weren’t already bedridden, Sam thought he would have needed to sit down.

First surprise: it was the year 2025.

Second surprise: he was not in a hospital at all, but rather the Avenger’s Compound in New York.

Third surprise: he had apparently been Captain America for a little over two years, and already had a team of superheroes under his command.

Fourth surprise: he and Bucky had apparently been sharing a house in Delacroix for approximately the same amount of time.

Sam knew he should have been surprised, but oddly enough he wasn’t. He’s never seen Bucky so relaxed and at ease as when he came to Louisiana. He feels like he actually insisted he stay on their couch instead of a hotel, but the memories remained fuzzy.

“Captain Wilson?”

Sam was interrupted by his thoughts by the head doctor. He cleared his throat awkwardly and let out a chuckle.

“Sorry, I got lost in my thoughts.”

“That’s completely fine,” Dr. Coleman smiled. “Like I’ve said, you are cleared to go home and recuperate. We don’t want you to worry about recovering your memories as fast as you can, it’s a slow and gradual process. Stick to a routine at home and take breaks when you feel overwhelmed by stimuli. The biggest memories can be uncovered by the most mundane things. And please remember to ask for help when you need it, you’ve got a great support system around you.”

Sam thanked the doctors as they left and turned to Bucky. Ever since he woke up his partner had kept his distance, not even coming within arms reach. “Are we ready to go home man? I know I don’t remember what it looks like, but the idea of having my own room without kids running around sounds awesome.”

“Actually, you’re going to stay at Sarah’s, at least for today. I need to clean up our r-house.” Time jump or not, Sam was still able to easily read Bucky’s face when he was bullshitting.

“I hope I’m not a crappy roommate who doesn’t clean up after himself,” he said with a raised eyebrow. “I know I don’t remember us living together but I’d think I would pull my weight.”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “No! You’re a great roommate, but this last mission was kind of last minute, so we sorta didn’t have time to clean up and do the laundry. Besides, I’m sure Sarah wants to keep you close and simultaneously dote on you and scold you. You got scared us Sam, you-”

To Sam’s horror, Bucky’s lips wobbled and his voice choked up with a sob. The Captain wasted no time in pulling him into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry that I scared you Bucky, you and Sarah and the boys. And I know I can’t remember how I got hurt or what the mission was about. But what I do know is that I’ll always do my hardest to come back home to my family. You gotta believe that.” He felt Bucky nod into his shoulder. The super soldier quickly composed himself, wiping at his eyes with his hand. Sam felt the urge to wipe them himself, but figured Bucky obviously wouldn't be comfortable with that. He settled for patting his back comfortably.

Bucky took a deep breath and forced out a smile. “Okay okay, enough of these waterworks. Ready to get out of here, Cap?”

Sam grinned. “Ready.”

Chapter Text

It felt like coming back home from the Blip all over again. 

Sarah had gotten his room ready for him at Bucky’s behest. Technically it had been 2 years since anyone had slept in it, although for Sam it was only yesterday. For the most part it looked the same, minus his clothes, knick knacks and various pictures he’d collected over the years.

AJ and Cass had both grown taller, each sporting new clothes and pair of glasses. They enthusiastically hugged him upon his return after Sarah warned them that their favorite uncle was still sore. Sam looked at his family in confusion.

“Are you saying there’s someone else trying to take my coveted spot as best uncle?” He tried to make it sound like he was teasing, but he was worried that some other man had somehow swooped in and inserted himself into his family; making everyone happy when he couldn’t. Sam had to calm the nervousness inside his chest.

“Uncle Bucky is our favorite because he bought us each 2 new video games last week! And he let us sit on his motorcycle,” Cass enthusiastically answered before AJ shushed him. Clearly their mother did not know about that last part.

“He did what?!” Both Sam and Sarah shouted. Both boys looked sheepish.

“We didn’t ride on it! He just let us sit on it so we could take a picture,” AJ quickly said. “He said that moping around wasn’t going to make Uncle Sam wake up faster, and the first thing he’d want to do when he got home was hear about all the cool adventures we had.”

Sam’s heart softened at that. It probably should have been weird that his nephews had already started his friend “uncle”, but strangely enough it didn’t. He felt that coming to Delacroix had opened up the grumpy old man’s gooey center; not that it needed much coaxing in the first place. Bucky was so good with children, and people too for that matter, despite his protests. Sam had no doubt that the super soldier would do right by the boys, and his sister too for that matter.

As much as he made noise about Bucky flirting with Sarah, he knew that he couldn’t come between the inevitably. They were both amazing, caring people who have been screwed over by the world, and if they decided to come together and make eachother happy, who was he to stop them? Could he even stop them?

“C’mon sweetheart, let me show you how beautiful you are.’

“Sam? Sam!”

“What?” Sam broke out of his trance to see his sister anxiously looking at him.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m good, I just…I got lost in my thoughts.”

What the fuck was that? Did the former falcon just hear his co-worker’s voice in his head, whispering with a sultry tone?

Oh fuck, was he talking to his sister?

Oh fuck, did he walk in on them doing someting…intimate?!

“Oh fuck!’

“What! Are you in pain?”

“No, I just-My head hurts is all. Maybe I need to lie down.”

“Well c’mon then.” Sarah wasted no time in ushering her brother to the guest room.

The rest of the evening went by pretty calmly. The Wilsons settled down to eat dinner and Sam spent the entire night awake in bed, thoughts racing. He didn’t know why, but his heart was racing from the memory of Bucky’s voice. 

The Captain was still trying to pick up the scattered fragments of his memories and piece them together into cohesion. There were a lot of things he didn’t know. All he did know was that he missed his partner terribly, even if he didn't quite know why.

Chapter Text

The next morning after breakfast, Bucky picked up Sam to make the short, ten minute trip to their house.

The two men spent the entire drive in silence, partially because Bucky wasn’t in a talking mood, and partially because Sam didn’t know what to say. The captain eventually settled for hanging his arm out the truck window and enjoying the view.

It’s not like he remembered what the scenery looked like anyway.

“Sam.”

The man in question looked over at his partner. Bucky was clenching his jaw, a tell-tale sign that he was nervous. The man smoothly parked in the house’s driveway as his partner gave him a quizzical look.

“Yeah Buck?”

He realized a second too late that the super soldier would probably scold him for that nickname, but to his surprise he didn’t notice.

“When I was on the run, I had a backpack full of journals. Journals that held any and every memory that came to me. It didn’t matter how mundane it was; it was my most prized possession. If shit hit the fan, I was ready to run with it on.” He gave a little chuckle. “I’m pretty sure I had it on when you and Stevie caught me in Bucharest.”

Sam felt something tighten inside chest. “Bucky, you weren’t, back then-” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that all alone and I know that you had it way worse than me, I mean losing only 2 years might not be shit compared to-”

Bucky’s eyes widened. “What? No, Sam.” The blue eyed man quickly reached over to hold Sam’s left hand. For about 3 seconds the two men stared at each other; one in immediate embarrassment and one in just plain confusion. Sam was quickly mesmerized by the red blush that overtook his partner’s face as he realized what he had just done.

“I mean-uh”, Bucky cleared his throat awkwardly as he withdrew his hand a little too quickly. “I wasn’t trying to undermine you, I just wanted to let you know that I know what it feels like when you don’t know who you are.” His blue eyes bore into Sam’s brown ones. “Everyone is telling you who you have to be and you don’t know how to make everybody happy. But guess what? You have your whole family and your team; plus me. We’re all here for you, so just focus on getting better. Let us support you.”

There was a lot that Sam wanted to say. But all his brain could do was let his thoughts run wild.

He wanted to reassure his family that he was going to be okay; that they didn't have to wait for him to come home safe and sound after doing it for almost 7 years on and off. This amnesia was just the latest way he had let them down.

He wanted to reassure his partner that this was his burden, not his. Bucky was starting to make a home for himself here in Delacroix; or had already. He should be out making friends, going shopping; and even if it pained Sam to admit it, hanging out with his sister, because it was clear that something beautiful had blossomed there. He shouldn’t be struck babysitting him.

But most of all, he wanted to reassure himself that he didn’t fuck up majorly. He just got to the place; both physically and mentally, where he felt equipped to handle the weight of the shield and all it entailed. Being benched for who knows how long must have a lot of people questioning his abilities.

“Don’t do that.” Bucky said as he got out of the car.

“What?”Sam said as he followed his partner up the stairs to the front door of the house. On the right there was a front porch with two wooden rocking chairs and a matching table.

“You’re getting lost in your head, thinking about what people think. The only people whose opinions you should care about are your family and your team; and we all know you’re fucking amazing, and this your memory loss doesn’t mean shit. Believe me, if I so much as talked shit about your abilities to be Cap, everyone would kick my ass. Yelena, Shaun, Joaqiun, and Steven would probably look at me disappointedly-”

“Wow, it seems like I’ve got a great team with me.” Sam was feeling a bit overwhelmed at the obvious passion in Bucky’s speech and managed a small smile. Maybe things weren't so bad as he felt them to be.

Bucky gave him an unreadable look. “You worked really hard as Cap to start up the New Avengers, and I-we really..like you. Alot.” Sam laughed, finally feeling more relaxed than he had since he’d woken up.

“Okay, okay, I get it, I like you guys too. Now can I see the inside of the house man? I need to see all the cleaning you’ve been doing.” Bucky rolled his eyes.

“God, I forgot how annoying you are,” he muttered as he swung open the door, before quickly shouting, “Shit no!” as he quickly covered the door with his body. Sam spotted a blur of white zip through his legs.

Sam couldn’t hold back his grin. “Who’s this?”, he asked as he scooped up the cat. It meowed happily in his arms and started purring immediately.

“That’s Alpine, and everytime the door opens she tries to get out so she can sunbathe on the chairs.t.” Bucky grumbled as he glared at the cat. “She’s your cat.”

“I have a cat?”

“We have two, actually. Figaro is probably on the couch. But Alpine is mostly your cat.”

Sam snorted. “Where’d I get the inspiration for the name?” Bucky laughed.

“Well, it’s actually a funny story. We talked about getting a cat for a while, and on our…your birthday, I decided to go to the shelter and get you one. I saw an adorable black and white kitten who was meowing really loudly, and he reminded me of you because he was annoying.” Sam rolled his eyes. “So I brought him home, and as soon as I walked in the door I saw you trying to frantically tie a ribbon on a white kitten. Turns out we both had the same idea.”

The captain laughed. “So I assume we named each other's cats?”

Bucky nodded. “I named her Alpine because she reminded me of the Alps and you named Figaro because of that Disney movie. Although it turns out they actually prefer the person that got them.”

Alpine meowed to be put down and eagerly trotted back towards the house, turning back to see if Sam was following. He had no choice but to follow.

The inside of the house gave Sam a weird sense of familiarity and calm. It was a single story home, but it was spacious and homey. As soon as he walked in he saw a large couch with two smaller armchairs on each side, and a medium sized coffee table. The cat sleeping dead in the middle of the couch must have been Figaro, and Sam could see why he named him that; he was black and white like from Pinochio. The feline opened one eye to greet his absent owner and promptly fell back asleep.

Behind it was a round dining table with four chairs and the small kitchen behind it overlooked it all. Sam was pleasantly surprised to see that the house had a back porch as well, with its own round dining table. The left side of the house held the three bedrooms, and Bucky assured him that the extra one was for his family whenever they came over.

The captain whistled. “This place is great, Buck. How’d we ever afford it with a superhero budget.” Bucky laughed a little nervously.

“Well technically I was a HYDRA POW for over 50 years, so the government owes me quite a bit of money. Not enough to be a fortune, but I have a couple thousand to keep my family happy.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “And by family, you mean Sarah.” His partner’s easy expression suddenly turned sour. “Technically you guys aren’t officially dating, because you would've told me, but don’t think how I missed all that close contact back in the medbay.” And you called her sweetheart, he wanted to say.

Bucky gave a long sigh. “You already gave me the “flirt with my sister and I’ll feed you to the fish” talk two years ago and I don’t really want to go through it again, okay? I love Sarah-”

That sudden declaration suddenly made the blood rush in Sam’s ears, blocking out the rest of the conversation. His thoughts began sprawling out of control. He couldn’t admit it to himself until now, but all the time spent with Bucky in his hometown, and seeing him all carefree and happy, made him realize that might have a teeny tiny crush on Bucky.

Okay, maybe he was in love. But who wouldn’t be? It was Bucky.

Bucky, the strongest man Sam has ever known, because after every heartbreak, after every attempt that HYDRA did to break him down, he didn’t. The same man who Sam once thought wasn’t worth saving, was the same man who had eventually convinced him to take on the shield.

That man was special. He had every reason to give up or blame the world for his torment. But instead he followed Sam to his hometown and ate his breakfast with his family. He played with the neighborhood kids, flirted with the old ladies, and helped repair the boat. If someone asks Sam, he’d probably admit that one of the greatest privileges he’s ever had was to witness James ``Bucky” Barnes rise out of the ashes to find himself again; in a new century with Sam’s family to call home.

Their work/partner relationship had a rocky start and Sam anticipated a few more bumps in the road. But if Bucky would bring himself back from oblivion and still see all the good in the world, and fight for it? Then Sam could too. Because he wasn’t fighting alone, he never was.

He just had to be brave and let the man he loved be with his sister. He could do that. Bucky deserved that second chance, even if it wasn’t with him.

“-and the boys, and I’m grateful for all the kindness that you and your family has given me. Really. But right now I’m not in the perfect mindset to date someone,so can you drop it with comments, please?”

“Huh?” Sam was broken out of his stupor to see Bucky looking at him expectantly.

“Did you hear what I said?”

Sam tried to play it cool. “Yeah, uh, I won’t make any comments about your love life. I was just teasing you man, but I’m sorry if I took it too far.”

“It’s okay, besides I’ve got more important things to do. Like getting started on lunch.”

“Sure, let me-”

“Nope.” Bucky steered him away to the direction of the couch. Alpine immediately jumped on his lap as soon as his butt sat down and Figaro meowed annoyingly at the interupton of his nap. “You’re going to rest and watch TV while I cook.”

“Since when is ordering takeout called cooking?”

“I’ll have you know, Samuel, that I’ve learned a few tricks in the last two years. You’d be surprised at what I could whip up.” Sam raised an eyebrow, happy at their easy banter.

No matter what, they’d still have that.

“Alright, this I gotta see.”

And see he did. Well, tasted, more like it. It amazed him that Bucky went from ordering takeout everyday, to flawlessly making a delicious sandwich with buttered bread and homemade fruit juice.

“Damn”, Sam said as he licked his fingers. “I know I’ve probably said it before, but that shit was delicious.” Bucky snorted from the other end of the table, while Figaro sat at Bucky’s feet. It seemed like the only thing that made him wake up from a nap was the premise of table scraps.

After lunch, Sam decided he needed to clear his head, so he told Bucky he was going on a walk. His partner instead came with him but he waved him off. He needed to be alone.

The chirping of birds and coastal breeze was a companion to the captain’s tormented thoughts. On one hand he wanted to be happy; he got everything he wanted. He was Captain America, he had a team of New Avengers, he fixed up his family’s boat, and he and Bucky saved the day back in New York.

But on the other hand, he couldn’t stop thinking about his own unrequited feelings for his best friend. Two years had gone by, so clearly if there was a chance Bucky felt the same he would have confessed already.

Bucky and Sarah might not be together right now, but they were at least comfortable flirting with each other, as evidenced by his flashback. Seeing them in that hospital room, and their telepathic communication, and his hand on her back, let Sam know it was real. Bucky clearly had some work he still needed to do on himself, and Sarah was guarding the boys’ hearts as well as her own. It might take some time, but Sam knew that they would end up together sooner rather than later.

He’d just have to do what he did best. Save the world, be there for his family, co-parent two cats and be the perfect platonic roommate for the man he loved.

Easy.

Chapter Text

A week after Sam had settled in at home, Sarah called them to ask if the boys could have a sleepover on Friday night so their uncles could take them out to catch fireflies. Apparently sleepovers at their house were a regular occurrence.

Sam could kinda see how Bucky was achieving his destiny of becoming a househusband. He spent the entire day on Friday cleaning the house and getting ingredients for his quote “famous homemade pizza”. He even went as far as to ask/order Sam to bathe the cats and buy flowers for the table.

Sam wondered just who he was trying so hard to impress. Then kicked himself mentally for hating the fact that Bucky was finally happy.

Unrequited love aside, the evening was perfect. Everyone complimented Bucky on his pizza and he blushed at every compliment. The cats begged for food the entire time and Alpine was as bold as to jump up on the table, knocking over Sam’s beer. After three more failed attempts they came to a compromise: Alpine wouldn’t get table scraps but she could sit on his lap. Sam pretended to be mad at her but continued petting her anyway.

As soon as everyone finished the boys couldn’t contain their excitement.

“Mom! Can we go now?”

“Uncle Sam, hurry up!”

“Uncle Bucky, you always say you’re an old man, but now you’re really slow like one.”

“Geez kid, going right for the kill,” Bucky grumbled as he gathered the dishes from the dinner table. Sam laughed at the comment.

“Boys, what did I say about patience?” Sarah scolded them.

“But they’re going to disappear before we can catch any!” That was Sam’s cue to stand up.

“Alright little man, go get your shoes and flashlight. I’ll be right there.” The two boys scurried off and Sam turned to the other adults. “Are y'all coming?”

“You go ahead, I’ll do the dishes really quick,” Bucky said as he turned on the sink. His roommate gave him a smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. The captain could see his sister shoot him a concerned look and was once again reminded painfully of their close relationship.

“I should probably get going. I’m really looking forward to sleeping in late tomorrow. Hadn’t done that in a while,” Sarah said as she stood up from her seat. “Is it alright if I use the bathroom first?”

“You know where it is,” Bucky said with a smile.

Sam swallowed and walked outside to see the boys clutching their glass jars close to their chest. “Alright boys, ready to go?”

“Yeah!” The captain did a pat down to make sure everything was in his pockets and realized he forgot his phone. “Oh shoot, I forgot my phone. Let me go get it.”

“Uncle Sam!” Both boys groaned and he had to suppress a smile.

“It'll be two seconds, okay? Practice your firefly catching skills while you wait.”

Were there even skills related to firefly catching, Sam wondered, but was quickly distracted by what sounded like a gasp. No sooner had he walked through the door did he quickly realize that the gasping sound was Bucky’s muffled crying.

He held the door open and did his best to eavesdrop from the doorway, peering into the kitchen. He saw Bucky sitting in a chair, crying into his hands while Sarah soothingly rubbed his back. The cats meowed at him curiously and rubbed his legs.

“I just-”, Bucky cried as he wiped his red-rimmed eyes. “I can’t help thinking that this is my fault.” Sam’s chest tightened.

“How could this possibly be your fault?” Sarah voiced what Sam was thinking.

“You don’t understand Sarah.” His sister raised her eyebrows.

“Try me.”

Bucky sniffed and absently pet Figaro with his metal hand and his blue eyes welled with tears. “The morning Sam left for the mission, I woke up to a yellow postcard on the bedside table. It said “Easy mission, should be back by dinner. P. S. we’re out of orange juice, can you buy some? The pulpy one.”

Sarah chuckled. “That boy and his orange juice, drinking it out of the carton like he has no manners.”

Well excuse me, thought Sam. A man needs his OJ after shield training. His partner gave a little wet chuckle, and Sam smiled softly.

“I went to drop off the boys at school, then drove to the farmer’s market because I wanted Mrs. Harrison’s plums. I swear they’re the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life, and I’ve lived a long one. And-” His face fell and a few more tears streamed down his face. Sam saw Sarah gently wipe them and felt his heart fall to his feet. Goddammit, why was this so hard?

“I remembered the last time when I was buying plums, was when I was in Europe evading the law. I had nightmares every night and I was constantly afraid that someone would recognize me or worse, that HYDRA would find me.. I was just starting to get some memories back in my life and I felt so alone and ashamed at what I was. I hated myself, and frankly I knew I would kill myself eventually. Because how could a monster like me ever be happy? I didn’t deserve it. Not after what I’d done.”

Fucking shit, Sam needed to start breathing trough his nose, because he wanted to sob. It was his fault for eavesdropping, but he needed to know just how badly he had hurt his best friend. Memory loss was a thing, but finding out that he had destroyed Bucky’s happy ending had his heart feeling absolutely shredded.

“But then I remembered that I was going to buy plums to bake a pie and bring it to your house for dinner. I remembered that Sam was going to come home and baby talk the cats even though he always denies doing it. I remembered that I was going to pick up Cass and AJ from school and take them to buy those new books they’ve been waiting for all month.”

“And I had this moment where I felt so happy, because I realized that I loved my life. I love Sam, I love you, I love the boys, the cats, and our house. There’s so many things that I wish I could have changed, decisions I wished I should have made differently. But him?”

Bucky looked up at Sarah’s eyes.

“I’d do it all again if it meant he was right there waiting for me. But then I got that call and thought, maybe the universe decided I wasn’t worthy of being happy. Maybe he’ll get his memories back and decide that we can’t do this anymore.”

They both jumped at the sound of the screen door banging against the doorway and realized all too late what had happened.

“Sam?”

Bucky’s voice was distraught.

When there was no answer, the super soldier rushed outside to barely make out the man he was in love with silently walking into the distance, two eager boys in tow.