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Look, it's not like Sasha actually wanted to do this. She could care less who her parents date and the thought of either of them showing PDA with anyone makes her wanna barf. But it's been almost a year since they split up and she knows her mom is lonely. Alone more often than not on her far too little off days, spending her time watching moderately sad romance movies and sketching. She doesn't want her mom to be alone, she wants her to be happy and fulfilled and appreciated (not that Sasha’s teenage angst allows her to voice that). That's why after talking it over with her dad, they decide to take matters into their own hands, just give her a little..push.
It's almost 7pm by the time Gloria makes it home, ready to order take-out and blissfully turn off her work phone for the night.
"Hey guys sorry I'm late, meetings ran way too long again," Gloria says as she kicks her shoes off and beelines for the kitchen. Sasha squirms free from the bear hug her mom greets her with as she looks over their pile of take out menus. "You guys decide what we want for dinner yet? I'm starving so whatever gets here the fastest works for me."
Rob, ever dedicated to their plan, suggests they'll order if Gloria wants to go shower and change. Gloria nods in agreement, puts her phone to charge in the kitchen and heads for the stairs. "Just no more spicy chicken wings you saw on Tik-Tok Sash, we're out of Pepto!" she jokingly reminds her daughter. Once the duo hear Gloria's door shut, they're off to the races. Sasha easily unlocks her mom's phone and opens Tinder. "Are you sure we should be doing this? Your mom might not take this as helpful sweetie,” Rob nervously breathed out. “We're in this together dad, no time to get cold feet...ah here it is!,” Sasha pulls up her mom's current tinder profile and oh boy, she needs her help for sure. "Come on mom, not even a photo in that suit you love or that red Bikini??", she says as she rearranges her photos. The current bio was also a mess, Sasha made quick work of that and began to punch it up.
The new one reads:
38, A mom
This Barbie works at Mattel 💖
Hondureña and Bisexual Pride 🏳️🌈
Which Pride and Prejudice adaptation is your favorite and why is it the BBC one?
If you’re Kenough, Let's put on some archival barbie looks and grab drinks? 🍺
"do we really have to add the pride and prejudice bit? Rob asks, confused. "Yes dad, lesbians and other women loving women eat that stuff up. Just trust me on that one," Sasha replies. Upstairs echoes and they can hear the shower cut off, meaning they are running out of time. They give the photos a thorough preview, Rob lingers a little too long on the last one, the money shot, Sasha rolls her eyes but also takes his reaction as a good sign, maybe the people of Tinder will appreciate her hard work too. They agree it is at least a 90% improvement and Sasha rushes to reconnect the phone to its charger. Rob and Sasha then decide on Thai for dinner and put in their delivery order, moving to the living room as they wait for Gloria.
Meanwhile upstairs
A deep sigh of relaxation leaves Gloria’s chest as she cuts off her shower and enjoys the steam around her. It's not any heavier than the one last night or the one last week or even the one 3 months ago, but the weight of it has been on her shoulders for months. Though Rob and Gloria mutually decided to separate and co-parent, she's found it difficult to bounce back, not really knowing how or when to reenter the dating scene. Sasha took their separation in stride, having some difficulty in the first few months but she soon came to understand that her parents weren’t separating from her in any way, just each other. They were happier and better friends now that they weren't married, with Rob encouraging her several times over the last few months to get back out there. She had said then that she was focusing on work and on Sasha but Rob saw right through that. “Don’t let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game G,” he quoted sagely. “You did not just quote A Cinderella Story to me Rob,” Gloria responded with a huff.
She’s brought back to her steam filled bathroom as the doorbell rings and their dinner is delivered. Gloria moves to her mirror, gives herself a once over before getting dressed. Most days she's happy with what she sees in the mirror, a feminist through and through, committed to loving and cherishing her body. Some days she can hardly think of anything else but her crows feet, her cellulite, or the way her clothes don't fit quite right. Thankfully, today has been a good one as Gloria nods, grateful to have made it through the week feeling kind of okay about herself. She quickly gets dressed in her favorite sweats and hoodie and makes her way downstairs, beyond ready to have a quiet night in.
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Dinner was nice, easy even…suspiciously so. Sasha was talking more than usual, animatedly explaining all the stops Rob and her are making on their road trip to San Francisco in a few weeks. Meanwhile Rob had this slight guilty look on his face and kept eating to avoid talking too much. Gloria didn’t think much of it until later that night, once Rob took off for the night and she and Sasha retired to their respective rooms. Gloria’s room was her sanctuary, having turned it into one after the divorce. Fresh paint, a new king bed and even some Rosa Mexicano colored sheets to match. She even put up a hammock on her balcony for napping and relaxing, although so far the only ones using it had been the family of squirrels that pop in from time to time. After doing her nightly skincare routine, she grabbed her phone and settled in for some mindless scrolling before bed. She did the usual rounds, a manic speedrun of checking Twitter, then Instagram, then TikTok. After about an hour (or 3) of that, her curiosity got the better of her and decided to check her Tinder profile, just a few harmless swipes before calling it a night.
First thing Gloria noticed is the change to her pictures. She does not remember uploading these to her profile, especially the last one . Her bio is different too, “Pride and Prejudice..Kenough??,” she reads confused. Then it clicks, why Rob was acting shifty and nervous at dinner, why Sasha kicked his leg a few times when he kept looking over at her phone on the counter. She immediately dials her ex and he picks up on the second ring. “Okay before you get mad, this was all Sasha's idea and I was just being supportive,” he spills out. “We just want you to be happy and you are not giving yourself the chance to be Gloria. I know it's just a dating app and it may be trivial but what if you meet someone wonderful huh? Someone who will surprise you. Someone made just for you ''
It's silent for a few beats, Rob is about to question if Gloria is still even on the line when she finally speaks. “You really just threw her under the bus didn’t you,” she asks with amusement in her voice. Although Gloria definitely does NOT need her ex-husband and teen daughter to help her with dating thank you very much, she has to admit her profile looks more inviting and lively than it has in months. Rob chuckles before imploring Gloria once again, “Just leave it through the weekend! Leave that profile up and see what kind of matches you get. If you don’t find someone by Monday, we’ll work on your profile together okay?”
Gloria is hesitant but quickly comes to the conclusion that Rob is right, it’s time to put herself out there and just try. “Fine! Just for the weekend. But if this is a disaster, I'll invoice you for the therapy,” she insists. Rob accepts the empty threat and they hang up soon after, with Gloria promising to provide an update on Monday. She focuses back on the app and begins making her swipes. “Ben, 34 conserva..nope. Jill, 37 Poly/partnered and looking for a fourth..four?! Christ, and I can’t even get one person to text me back.” Gloria laments the decidedly less than exciting potential matches her algorithm is providing and is ready to just go to bed. Just before she’s going to close the app for the night she stops, dead in her tracks. Holy shit, she's like a real life Barbie . Like if you said “think of a Barbie” this woman is it. Gloria couldn’t stop even if she wanted to, she immediately swipes right on “Barbara, 34” and locks her phone screen. Trying not to overthink the silly choice she just made, she puts her phone on her nightstand and turns over for some sleep, the face of the most beautiful woman she’s ever seen fresh in her memory.
When Gloria wakes the next morning she’s met with 2 notifications from Tinder.
It’s a match!
Barbara has sent a message