Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

TW:
Eating disorder (skipping meals and hints of wanting to purge)
Anxiety attack
Abuse (Walburga's A+ parenting)

Week 1:

Monday

As he stepped off the bus Regulus finally felt at home. It was summer, and Regulus was finally back at camp. Back to safety. Back to comfort. The one place on earth Regulus could truly be himself, because his parents weren’t there breathing down his neck and watching his every step.

For just a couple of months, Regulus was free from the Noble House of Black. There would be nobody to hit him when he said the wrong thing. There would be nobody to yell every time he made a small mistake. There would be nobody to throw things at him every time he corrected them on his name. Although there would be the odd transphobe at camp, it was much better than at home. At camp, he could just be Regulus, and it was like coming up for air.

These two months of the year were also the only 2 months Regulus could see Sirius. Sirius had run away a few years ago, and Regulus had told his parents that Sirius had stopped going to camp so they would let him continue to go. Regulus was not allowed to speak to Sirius, and any time either of them tried to contact each other Regulus was punished for it.

Regulus and Sirius spent most summers yelling at each other or refusing to talk to each other. Everything was a sensitive subject for them; a fight would break out any time their parents were mentioned, any time Regulus running away was mentioned, any time Regulus’ chronic pain was mentioned and any time one of them tried to bring up something as simple as the weather it would somehow lead back to one of those subjects, and therefore lead to more fighting.

Regulus walked with Pandora to the Dining Hall, where the board determined your whole summer was hung. When applying to be staff you could apply to either be a counsellor or you could pick an activity you wanted to be on, but either than that, you didn’t get much choice in the matter. You couldn’t choose what age of campers you had or who your co-counsellors were.

Since it was Regulus’ first year as a staff member instead of a camper he had picked to be a counsellor, because how different could it be from being a camper? Regulus was just hoping that he was assigned to the older campers, and had a tolerable co-counsellor. He didn’t want to have to deal with kids crying 24/7, and telling him about how much they missed their parents. He also didn’t want to spend the entire summer having to take care of these kids with someone he despised. That was all he wanted, but apparently, it was too much to ask for.

When Regulus and Pandora got to the board Regulus first looked at the seniors and trainees hoping that he would be on one of those cabins. When he didn’t see his name he looked at the teens. When he didn’t see his name in the teens cabins he looked at the inters section. Inters were the youngest campers, and were 8-10, meaning Regulus would certainly be hearing about how they all missed their parents and wanted to go home. Regulus’ last hope was to have a good co-counsellor, but that hope was quickly shattered when he saw his name on Cabin D next to James Potter.

“No, no no no no no no!” Regulus said. Regulus saw Pandor look where his name was and began to laugh. “Don’t laugh.” Regulus said lightly shoving her.
“I’m sure it will be fine. It could be much worse.” Pandora said.
“How could it be worse than this, Potter is practically an 8-year-old himself. I’m going to be stuck with a bunch of 8-year-olds that I hate.” Regulus whined dramatically.
“At least he isn’t transphobic, you could be stuck with Mulicber?” Pandora said, but this thought didn’t much comfort him.

“Who are you with?” Regulus said looking at the girl’s side.
“Lily, and I’m on inters too, so we will have evening programs together.” Pandora said, obviously trying to make him feel better. “But we won’t be able to hang out, we have to take care of these little demons.” Regulus said, pointing at the board.
“I’m sure they're not demons.” Regulus heard a voice say behind him.

When Regulus turned around he saw James, who of course was giving a piggyback to none other than his brother.
“Are you ready fellow counsellor of Cabin D.” James said with the biggest grin on his face.
“Don’t lie, you don’t want me as your co just as much as I don’t want you as my co.” James’ smile suddenly disappeared as he said
“I want you as my co, it’s like having a mini Sirius with me at all times.”.

This made Regulus angry. Regulus hated being compared to his older brother. He was always being told to be better than Sirius, while at the same time hearing about how much better Sirius was. Walburga and Orion Black didn’t like that Regulus was trans and were constantly deadnaming him. The only reason they allowed him to change his name and cut his hair was because they wanted the world to think they were these great parents who would love their kids no matter what. That was far from the truth. Another thing Walburga loved to remind Regulus of is that he always looks miserable and like he is in pain (which he is) and how he needs to suck it up and be more like his older brother, but also not like his older brother because Sirius was a “disgrace to the family”. The comparisons just never seemed to end, and Regulus hated it.

“I’m not Sirius.” Regulus said picking up his bag from the floor and walking away. Of course, James being James and needing everyone to love him, he put Sirius down and followed Regulus.
“I didn’t mean it like that Regulus. Obviously you are your own person, I just meant Sirius and I are best friends, and I thought maybe you and I could be best friends too.”
“Stop comparing me to him James, I’m tired of it.” Regulus said continuing to walk away.
“I’m not trying to compare you, I’m just trying to say I want to get to know you better and be your friend.”
“Exactly, because you’re friends with Sirius, and because we’re brothers that must mean you have to be friends with me too.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that Regulus. I like to be friends with everyone. Even if you and Sirius weren’t brothers, I would still be excited to have you as my co-counsellor and to get to know you better.”.

Regulus stopped to turn around, which caused James to walk right into him. As Regulus pushed James off of him he said “Look, we are going to have to spend the summer together whether we like it or not. Let’s just come to a mutual understanding that we don’t have to like each other, we just have to tolerate each other.” James looked upset and said,
“Regulus you’re not listening to me. Take Sirius out of the situation. Pretend he doesn’t exist for a minute. I still want to get to know you and be your friend.”.
“Fine, if it matters so much to you I’ll do a little more than tolerate you, and if you want to interpret that as a friendship go ahead. Just don’t compare me to Sirius. I am not my brother and he is not me. We are completely different people.”.

James smiled and said “I’ll do more than tolerate you too Regulus, and I won’t compare you to Sirius and I really am sorry that I upset you. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t see you.” James said wrapping Regulus in a hug. “Don’t touch me” Regulus said pushing James off him.

***************************

Standing in front of their cabin James said “This is home for the summer Reg.”
“It’s Regulus.”. To James’ credit, he corrected himself and said
“This is home for the summer Regulus.”.
“Alright let’s quit with the dramatics and just go inside.” Regulus said and opened the front door.

As he walked in Regulus put his bag down and saw that the other bags he had sent a few days ago were already in the cabin along with all the campers' bags. Picking one of the 2 cots in the front of the cabin Regulus sat down and faced his back to James. Regulus squeezed his eyes shut, he had a terrible headache, and he had spent the whole day pretending to be fine. He needed a minute to let this mask down, he needed a minute to breathe and let it show that he was in pain, but he didn’t want James to notice.

“I guess I’ll take this bed then,” James said behind him
“Great.” Regulus said squeezing the end of his shorts till his knuckles turned white. Noticing, James said “Regulus, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Regulus snapped, regretting taking a minute to be vulnerable and let the pain he was feeling show. Suddenly Regulus felt James’ arms wrap him in a hug from behind. “Let go.” Regulus said, elbowing James in the stomach.

“Is there anything I can do?’ James asked.
“Ya, you can leave me the fuck alone.” Regulus snapped.
“Okay.” James said quietly.

Pretty much everyone who knew Regulus knew about his chronic pain. Chronic pain is more of an umbrella term, but for Regulus, it just meant constant migraines. Regulus didn’t really know what sparked it, one day he just started having really bad headaches. After 3 months of it, it was then considered chronic pain by his doctor. Of course, his doctor seemed to have a name for it, but he didn’t know how to fix it.

It was often hard to hide; which was something Walburga was always telling him to do. It was quite obvious something was wrong to the people who stopped to pay attention, like Pandora. It was also something Sirius was always asking Regulus about, and had asked Regulus about in front of James several times. It wasn’t people knowing that really bothered Regulus. Although, there were definitely times he wished they didn’t know. It was the pity people looked at him with. It was the way people thought he couldn’t enjoy his own life. It was the way people thought they knew exactly how Regulus was feeling. It was how people always gave him their unwanted opinions about it.

After a couple of minutes, Regulus got up and started to quietly unpack his bags. Once he was finished unpacking all his stuff he began to unpack the campers’ bags. Since inters were the youngest unit at camp, that apparently meant they didn’t know how to unpack their own stuff. This meant the counsellors had to do it, which Regulus thought was bullshit.

After a couple of hours of peaceful, blissful silence James said, “Look this bag has a letter in it for us,” and began to read “Dear Counsellors, As you probably know it is my first summer at camp. My parents keep telling me how much fun camp is, but to be honest I am I little bit scared. I don’t know anybody at camp, and I think I am bad at making friends. Will you guys be my friend if nobody in my cabin wants to be friends with me? I hope we have a fun summer together. From, Leo. PS, if it’s not too much trouble could I please have a top bunk?” James looked up from the note and smiled at Regulus. “He’s so cute.” James said putting the boy’s stuff on the top bunk closest to his bed. “There, now he is close to his friend, look at us Regulus, already making friends.”. Regulus rolled his eyes and continued to unpack this other kid’s stuff.

After several more hours, it was time for James and Regulus to go to the dining hall for dinner. They were nearly done unpacking all the campers' stuff and only had a few more bags to unpack. On their way to the dining hall Regulus could see James smiling out of the corner of his eye “Why are you so happy, you just spent the entire afternoon unpacking little kids' stuff for them because apparently they are too young to do it themselves.”
“I’m just so excited. Being a counsellor is really fun Reg, you really grow to care about the kids, you’ll see.”
“I doubt I’ll care about them.”
“You will, I bet at the end of the summer you are crying when they leave.”
“I can assure you that won’t happen. I’ll probably be excited that I don’t have to be responsible for 12 children anymore.” Regulus said, and ignored how James’ face fell.

************

Regulus sighed dramatically as he sat down next to Pandora and across from Barty and Evan. “You look happy.” Pandora said sarcastically. “This is going to be the worst summer ever. I can’t stand Potter. Firstly, he thinks I’m Sirius, and he is in for a wide awakening because I’m not. Secondly, he thinks I’m this little thing he needs to coddle. Finally, he thinks that we’re going to have so much fun together because he is James Potter and everyone loves him.” Regulus complained. Barty laughed and said:
“Hold on, what do you mean he thinks you’re this little thing that needs to be coddled, what did he do?”
“We get into the cabin and I sit down for a second because my head is killing me, and he hugged me!” Regulus said. Evan and Pandora laughed and Barty did a mock gasp.
“How dare he care about you!” Evan said still laughing.
“I hate you guys.” Regulus said, rolling his eyes. “Wait, where is Dorcas?”
“Off with McKinnon.” Evan said pointing to Marlene who is sitting on Dorcas’ lap.

As everyone talked about their placements Regulus moved the food around on his plate, not eating any of it, hoping nobody would notice. Regulus listened to Barty talk about how he was on seniors with Peter, Evan talk about how he was excited to be on art and Pandora talk about how she already loved Lily and couldn’t wait to spend the summer with her. He also found out that somehow Evan managed to be a billet in Barty’s cabin, meaning although he wasn’t one of the counsellors he got to live in the cabin with Barty and Peter. Regulus felt bad for poor Peter who would have to deal with them both being stupidly in love with each other but too afraid to say anything about it.

Regulus knew his not eating was a problem, but he also needed it. He couldn’t eat, because it was the one thing in his life he had control over. He couldn’t control being stuck with James Potter, he couldn’t control how his parents treated him, he couldn’t control what Sirius did and he couldn’t control how the summer would go. Regulus had no control, except for this. That is why Regulus needed it. It kept him sane. It kept him calm. Most importantly, it kept him bearable to other people.

From behind him, Regulus heard that annoyingly familiar voice, the one that could only belong to his older brother “Not hungry Reggie.”
“What do you want Sirius.”
“Woah, didn’t know it was such a crime to say hi to my little arse of a brother after not seeing him for almost a year.”
“That’s not my fault.”
“I never said it was. I just wanted to tell you to stop being such an arse to James.”
“Why, what did he say?” Regulus said surprised with the short amount of time it took for James to start hating him.

“He didn’t say anything, because he is too nice to complain about you, but you obviously did something because he is barely talking.”
“Maybe he did something.”
“Ya, what did he do then?”
“He doesn’t know how to mind his own business.”
“Maybe he was just trying to get to know you! Did you know he was actually really excited to be your co-counsellor?! When he saw his name with yours he smiled and said to me by the end of te summer I’m going to be best friends with both of you! And then you go and be an arse to him! Is it so hard to let someone care about you?!”. Regulus stood up and whirled around, but he did it too quickly as he suddenly felt the familiar sharp pain in his head. Trying to hide it Regulus yelled back “I do let people care about me, I have friends and I don’t need more. I certainly don’t need you to start telling me what to do and how to act!”. Regulus yelled and stormed off towards his cabin, where he could be alone.

Regulus slammed the door to the cabin and collapsed on his bed. He closed his eyes and tried not to cry. It was the first day and Regulus was already fucking everything up. He hated himself for already getting into a fight with Sirius. He would never say it out loud, but he had missed Sirius. As annoying as Sirius was, he was always there for him. No matter what happened between the two of them they had an unspoken understanding with each other that no matter what they still cared about each other. No matter how angry they were with each other they would be there if the other needed them.

Part of Regulus felt bad for James. James was stuck with him for the rest of the summer, and Regulus was not a fun person to be stuck with. It was a miracle that Pandora, Barty and Evan tolerated him, but Regulus knew how difficult he could be. His mother reminded him daily. People like James didn’t deserve to be stuck with people like Regulus, it just wasn’t fair to them. Then again Regulus had enough problems already, and didn’t have time to worry about how James Potter felt.

About half an hour later Regulus heard the door open and looked up to see James holding a plate of food. “Hey, I’m sorry if I got you in trouble. I promise I didn’t say anything about you to Sirius. I was just- I just didn’t really feel like talking at dinner and it wasn’t about you, but I guess Sirius thought it was and then one thing lead to another.” James paused looking like he wanted to say more but decided against whatever he wanted to say and finished with “Anyway, I saw that you didn’t really finish your food so I brought it back for you.” James said, holding out the plate for Regulus. “I didn’t ask you to do that.” Regulus said as he rolled over so he was facing the wall instead of James. “I’ll just leave the plate here.” James said placing it down.

Maybe Regulus should have thought about why James seemed quieter than he had before dinner. That he was more closed off. That, if it was possible, James Potter was upset about something; but once again Regulus didn’t have time to care about James Potter’s feelings. So Regulus grabbed the plate and threw it across the room ‘I told you, I didn’t ask you to do that!” Regulus shouted. James flinched as the glass broke “You can hate me, that’s fine, I’ll get over it, but you can not do that in front of the campers!” James said, and Regulus noticed his eyes watering as he stormed out.

Twenty minutes later James walked back into the cabin with his eyes red, but Regulus didn’t care. Regulus and James didn’t talk for the rest of the day.

Tuesday

Regulus woke up to the sound of the door opening. When he looked up he saw that James was just getting back from a run. There was just one more thing to hate about James Potter, he was a morning person.

“Regulus, we need to talk.” James said in a very matter-of-fact tone.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” Regulus replied.
“I don’t care, we need to talk about the campers. You can have 10 minutes to wake up and do whatever you need to do, but before breakfast, we need to talk.”. Regulus rolled over and went back to sleep.

Regulus woke up to a pillow hitting his head “You’re 10 minutes is up, we need to talk.” James said as he pulled Regulus’ covers down and dragged him out of his bed. Regulus rolled over on the floor dramatically. James proceeded to pull him up off the floor. “Regulus we need to talk.”. Trying to ignore the sharp pain in his head from being pulled up so quickly Regulus said: “Fine, talk.”

“I’m about to tell you something I am genuinely worried about, because my mom told me communication is very important and she’s usually right about these things. This is also about the campers, not you and not me. So I think it is very important we communicate about this.”
“Spit it out Potter.”
“Last summer it was my first summer being a counsellor, and I was really scared because it meant that I was responsible for 13 young children. Their lives were basically in my hands. This is something I was really worried about, as much as I love children, I was only 17 and I was scared I would fuck something up. If any of the kids had gotten hurt and it was my fault, I would have never forgiven myself. The thing about last summer was I was the younger counsellor, I had someone who had done this before to guide me. Kingsley was great with the kids, and was a great mentor on how to be a counsellor. He helped me through everything I was worried about, but this summer Kingsley isn’t my co, you are. Now I am the older counsellor. I don’t have anyone to follow, and that is really scary for me. So I need you to help me out a little bit. You don’t have to like me, but you have to help me take care of the 12 children we are responsible for. You can’t go around throwing plates when you get upset with me in front of the campers ok?” Regulus didn’t say anything for a moment. Whatever he had expected James to say, it wasn’t that.
“Regulus?” James said, breaking the silence and making Regulus realize he had probably been silent for too long.
“Ok, I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.”
“Thank you, and I’m sorry I yelled at you last night, it really wasn’t about you. I was worried about being the older counsellor who is supposed to know everything, and I freaked out on you when I shouldn’t have.”
“You really didn’t, if the roles were reversed and you threw the plate, I would probably have picked up the pieces of the plate and thrown them at you.” Regulus said which got a laugh out of James. “Speaking of, we should probably clean up the plate and food on the floor.” James said.

As they walked to the dining hall for breakfast Regulus noticed that James was walking a bit lighter. They walked in a comfortable silence. That was until Regulus felt someone jump on him and tackle him to the ground. He didn’t even have to look up to know it was Sirius. Sirius then proceeded to grab a handful of grass and shove it in Regulus’ face, while pinning him down so he couldn’t escape. “Sirius stop.” Regulus said struggling to get his hands free.
“Don’t break my Potter’s heart ever again.” Sirius said dramatically.

However, Regulus knew Sirius well enough to know that behind the dramatics and jokes, there was some truth. Sirius was still upset with Regulus. He was just an idiot and didn’t know how to have a normal conversation with a person.

“Get off.” James said, pulling Sirius off of him. Once he had successfully gotten Sirius off, James held out a hand to help Regulus up; Regulus ignored it and got up himself. Looking at Sirius James said “I told you Regulus didn’t do anything, I was just getting in my own head again.”. This seemed to change something in Sirius because instead of focusing on Regulus he wrapped James in a hug and Regulus got the sense that the hug said everything they weren’t saying out loud.

*******************

In the dining hall Regulus spotted Pandora, and Evan sitting down and went to join them. “Why is there grass in your hair?” Pandora asked, pulling a blade of grass out of Regulus’ hair. “Because Sirius is an arse who thinks he’s funny.” Regulus said, running his hands through his hair trying to get rid of the remaining grass he had previously missed.

Barty joined them and sat down saying: “Reg you have dirt on your face.”. Regulus groaned and wiped his face. “How was everyone’s first night?” Pandora asked. “I think Peter is afraid of us.” Barty said. Pandora rolled her eyes and said:
“What did you two do?” and Regulus grew a bit suspicious when they replied:
“Nothing” simultaneously.

“How about you Regulus” Pandora asked.
“I threw the plate of food James brought me across the cabin and then we didn’t talk to each other for the rest of the night.” Regulus responded nonchalantly. Barty laughed as Pandora gasped. “How about you Pandora?” Regulus asked.
“It was really good. I really like Lily, we stayed up until 3 am watching rom-coms together on her laptop, and look she did my nails.” Pandora said putting her hand right in front of Regulus’ face. “Tell Xenophilius to watch out, Lily might steal his girl.” Evan joked. “Oh shut up.” Pandora said throwing a piece of toast at Evan.

“Hello staff.” Dumbledore’s voice echoed through the dining hall interrupting all conversation. “Today we are going to be getting to know our fellow unit staff or activity staff. If you are an activity staff you will go to your assigned activity. There, you will have someone show you how the activity is run, and make sure you are equipped with everything you need. If you are a counsellor, you will be spending time with other counsellors in your unit, getting to know each other and being taken through practice scenarios so you know how to handle anything your campers throw at you.”.

Regulus looked at Pandora and whispered “Looks like we’ll be together”.
“Now I would hope you know what activity or unit you’re on by now, but in case you don’t I’ll read the list off. On the inters unit we have Pandora Lestrange, Lily Evans, James Potter, Regulus Black, Severus Snape, Gildory Lockheart, Molly Prewett, and Narcissa Black. On teens we have Marlene McKinnon, Alice Fortescue, Wulfric Mulciber and Gaspar Avery. On seniors, we have Peter Pettigrew, Barty Crouch, Bellatrix Black and Serena Birch. On water ski we have Sirius Black and Emiline Vance. On Arts and Crafts, we have Evan Rosier and Hestia Jones. At the point, we have Remus Lupin and Dorcas Meadows. On swim, we have Mary McDonald, Daisy Hookum, Davey Gudgeon and Arthur Weasley.” Dumbledore paused, looking up to make sure everyone was paying attention before he went on, but at this point, Regulus had stopped paying attention. Regulus couldn’t care less about what unit and activity every single person was assigned to. “Inters unit you guys will be meeting on the main field, teens unit you guys will be meeting on the sports court, seniors unit you guys will be meeting here. Once you finish eating go to your assigned spot.” Dumbledore finished and let everyone continue eating.

Regulus sat there moving his food around the plate but not eating it, just like he did the previous night, but this time Pandora had something to say about it. “Regulus I know you didn’t eat last night since you threw the plate of food James generously brought you at him. You have to eat something this morning.”
“I didn’t throw the plate at him, and I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“If you are fine and I don’t need to worry about you then eat.”
“I’m just not hungry right now.”
“Don’t lie to me. You don’t have to eat it all, but at least eat an apple or something.”
“Fine.” Regulus said, planning on only eating half the apple.

After breakfast, Regulus began to walk with Pandora towards the main field. “What practice scenarios are we supposed to go over? Oh no, my camper misses their mom, tell them to suck it up, we don’t need a practice scenario for that. Also just don’t send your kid to camp if they’re going to cry about missing their parents.” Regulus complained to Pandora as they walked. “It’s more us going through what to do if our campers are choking or something like that but yes we do learn how to comfort them if they’re homesick.” James said from behind Regulus.
“Wait are we supposed to be CPR certified because I never got that email.’ Pandora said sounding worried. “No, to be honest, they don’t care that much. They just have to show us what to do so that if anything happens they can say they taught us.” Lily said.
“That’s comforting.” Regulus said.
“You can tell they don’t care because they put Snivillus on inters.” James said which earned him a shove from Lily. “Sev can be really empathetic, he just doesn’t always show it.” Lily said.
“Severus is less empathetic than me.” Regulus said
“And he threw a plate of food at James last night so that really says something.” Pandora said teasingly. “I told you I didn’t throw it at him, if I had thrown it at him it would have hit him.”. Regulus looked over to see James laughing hysterically at this.

Regulus felt bad for Lily if she thought Snape was empathetic. Regulus often saw him hanging around Mulciber and Avery at the parties that his mother would throw, and he definitely wasn’t a good person. He had many bigoted takes and often joined in in the deadnaming Regulus tradition that took place in the Noble House of Black. However, that wasn’t what annoyed Regulus the most. What annoyed Regulus the most was the way he talked about Lily when she wasn’t around. He was constantly putting her down and saying he was embarrassed to be hanging around her kind. However, Regulus didn’t think it was his place to tell Lily this.

Regulus definitely wasn’t friends with Lily, but she did seem like a genuinely good person. She definitely didn’t deserve everything Snape was doing and saying about her behind her back. “I don’t agree with a lot of the stuff my brother does, but bullying Snape isn’t one of them.” Regulus said just before they arrived at main field.

“Hello inters counsellors, today I’m going to take you through a bunch of safety scenarios. Then I’m going to take you through a bunch of other scenarios, such as what to do if your campers are homesick.” Minerva McGonagall said once all the staff were there. “I want everyone to partner up with their co-counsellor for these exercises. One of you will pretend to be the camper, and the other will be the counsellor.” James smiled over at Regulus and Regulus rolled his eyes back at James.

The first scenario they had to run through was giving CPR. After watching McGonagall’s explanation they then had to try it for themselves. “So, do you want to be the camper or the counsellor?” James asked.
“I’ll be the counsellor.”. Regulus said, leaving no room for debate.
“Okay.”
“Lie down.” Regulus said taking a little tto much enjoyment in pushing James to the ground.

All of a sudden Regulus felt really awkward. Somehow he had forgotten until now that he would have to get so close to James to pretend to give him CPR. Regulus placed his hands on James’ chest and just as he was about to start to press down to the beat that McGonagall had shown them he felt James’ heartbeat.

The soft vibration of James’ heart along with the rise and fall of his chest made Regulus stop and just look down at his hands. Regulus knew this was dumb. Obviously, James had a heartbeat and obviously, he was breathing. Yet, Regulus couldn’t stop watching it happen. It was like Regulus had just learned about basic biology for the first time. “I’m dying here.” James said dramatically; which broke Regulus out of his trance.
“Sorry, I could feel your heartbeat.” Regulus said and regretted it the moment it came out of his mouth.

“I guess that would take you out of the scenarios a bit.” James said laughing. “Pretend my heart isn’t beating. Now save me.” James said as he closed his eyes. Regulus began to press down to the pattern McGonagall showed them, although she said to do it a lot lighter than they would need tto if the person actually needed CPR. After a while James popped up and exclaimed “You saved me Regulus!” and wrapped him in a hug. Regulus could have just let James hug him, but instead, he grabbed a handful of grass and shoved it in James’ face just as Sirius had done to him earlier that morning.

When it was time for lunch they weren’t allowed to go back to the dining hall. Instead, they were brought hot dogs and hamburgers and told to socialize with their fellow unit staff while they “had a nice lunch outside”.

Regulus was sitting with Pandora, Lily and James when Severus decided to come over and make the day worse. “Hi Sev, come sit.” Lily said, moving over and making space for him. Regulus rolled his eyes and looked over at James, if they agreed on one thing, it was that Snape sucked. Snape sat down as if he were doing Lily a huge favour by joining them.

As everyone else ate Regulus sat picking out grass. He could feel Pandora watching him, but he also didn’t care. Every time Snape would look away Regulus would throw the grass onto his plate and then act all innocent when Snape noticed. After a while, James began to join in.

Regulus had almost gotten away with not eating when James said “You don’t like burgers?” motioning at his untouched burger.
“No.”
“They have hot dogs.” James said, he seemed to think he was helping.
“I don’t want a hot dog.” Regulus replied.
“You should eat something Reg.”
“I’m not hungry James.”
“Can you at least eat the bun?” Pandora said joining in. Regulus grabbed his plate and walked over to the garbage where he promptly threw his uneaten burger into the garbage.

“Regulus I need to talk to you.” Pandora said when Regulus sat back down.
“You seem to be talking right now.”
“Do you want to do this here, because I’m happy to do this here.”
“Fine.” Regulus said getting up with Pandora and following her.

Pandora must have decided they were far enough away because she turned around to face Regulus and said “You have to eat.”
“I ate this morning.”
“You had half an apple.”
“Exactly.”
“That’s not enough.”
“Pandora I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.”
“Except I do. This is worse than it was at home. If you keep this up I’m telling Dr.Pomfrey.”
“No Pandora, please don’t. What if she sends me home? Please I don’t want to go home to my parents.” Regulus said fighting back tears.
“Then eat.” Pandora said, her eyes began to water as she said “I don’t want to have to tell Dr.Pomfrey, but I will if it comes down to it.”
“Fine, I’ll eat.” Regulus said.
“Great, let's go get you another burger.” Pandora said, grabbing Regulus’ arm and walking towards the burger stand.

As they walked towards the burger stand Regulus felt that familiar feeling he felt; the one when he felt his life was out of control, and he couldn’t do anything to fix it. He tried to steady his breathing and keep the tears back, barely succeeding. Pandora gave his hand a loving squeeze as he picked up the smallest burger of the stack. Together he and Pandora walked back to join Lily, James and Snape.

As Regulus began to slowly eat he saw James give Pandora a how did you do that look, like Regulus was something to be fixed. This annoyed Regulus. He didn’t want to be someone’s little project.

When Regulus finished his burger he said “I have to go to the bathroom.” and got up. “I’ll go with you.” Pandora said getting up too.
“I’m not five, I don’t need your help.” Regulus said, and he was about to continue to argue when McGonagall called everyone back in.

They spent the rest of the afternoon going over drills until it was time for dinner where they were finally allowed to leave and go back to the dining hall. After dinner, Regulus decided to go back to his cabin to take a nap. This was something he did a lot when his head really hurt. It was a way to make the pain stop momentarily. It was a way to escape, and after having to spend the whole day partnered up with James, Regulus was ready for an escape.

*********************

Regulus woke up to cold water being poured on him and the sound of his brother laughing. “Sirius stop.” Regulus said, covering his head with his pillow.
“Reggie, wake uppppp.” Sirius said grabbing Regulus’ pillow and hitting him with it. “Stop it.”
“Reg, James and I were going to watch a movie. Watch it with us.”
“Is this what you woke me up for?!”
“Obviously, you can’t watch a movie if you’re sleeping.”. Regulus shot Sirius the bird and he heard James laugh from across the room. Sirius then picked Regulus up and carried him over to James’ bed, “Come on, watch the movie with us.”. Regulus struggled to get out of Sirius’ arms, but Sirius seemed to have expected this because he was holding on pretty tight.

When Sirius finally put him down Regulus got up and grabbed a hoodie from his shelves and put it on. He then took off his shirt, which was now wet from Sirius dumping water on him, and threw it at his older brother. “Oi, respect your elders.” Sirius said throwing it back at Regulus. Regulus rolled his eyes and put the shirt in his laundry basket and sat down next to Sirius on James’ bed.

Regulus watched as James turned on Lego Batman on his laptop. Regulus wasn’t sure what movie he was expecting, James and Sirius acted like they were 5 years old most of the time and that included their taste in movies. “I can’t believe you woke me up for this”. Regulus complained.
“What do you mean, this is one of the greatest movies of all time.” James said smiling, clearly excited for the movie. As the movie started Regulus fell back asleep.

Regulus was back in his room. His clothes we all over the floor and his mother was yelling at him. “You big fucking disappointment. You’re just like you brother, hanging around that James Potter.” then she got up and struck Regulus across the face. “You're actually worse than your brother, he understood when he was not wanted, and yet here you are. Every day I look at you and I’m disgusted at what you’ve become.”.

His mother dug her cold hands into Regulus’ throat. Regulus struggled to breathe. “Please stop mom. I’m sorry.”
“You’re a disgrace.”
“Mom I can’t breathe, please.”

Regulus continued to struggle to get out of his mother’s grasp. He was going to die. Regulus didn’t want to die. Regulus was scared, he had made his mother so upset that she was willing to kill him.

“You ruin everything Regulus.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Everything you still have you’re going to ruin too. You think Pandora is going to want to hang around with you. You’re too much for people to handle. She’s going to get tired of trying to fix you. She’s going to give up on you.

You think your brother is going to talk to you much longer. You stayed when he left, and he hates you for that. Soon enough he will realize you’re not worth it. He’s going to tell you how much of a disgrace you are.”.

Regulus woke up to someone shaking him. “Regulus look at me. You’re ok, you’re safe.” He saw his brother saying. Then Regulus realized he was crying. He couldn’t do this, not now, not here.

Regulus couldn’t breathe. It was just like his dream. His mother was strangling him, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. His mother was there with him, no matter how far away he got. Regulus felt nauseous. “Regulus breathe.” James said.
“Ya no shit James.” Regulus said as he struggled to breathe.

Regulus hated when people said just breathe like it was that easy. Regulus physically couldn’t breathe, it’s not as if it just slipped his mind. “Regulus look at me, everything is going to be ok, you are ok Regulus.” Sirius said as James rubbed his back.

Usually, Regulus didn’t like people touching him when he felt like this, but for some reason, he didn’t mind James’ touch. Regulus was still crying and he hated himself for it. Yet as quickly as he wiped the tears away more still came. “Regulus look at me, everything is ok, you’re safe here. You’re with me and you’re safe.” Sirius said.

“Let’s breathe together ok.” James said continuing to rub his back.
“I can’t.” Regulus choked out.
“I know you don’t think you can, but you can. Let's take a deep breath in.” James said, breathing in. Regulus tried to follow James’ breath but struggled. “Good, now breathe out.” James said breathing out.

After a few rounds of this Regulus was slowly able to breathe again. “It was just a bad dream.” Sirius said. As Sirius continued to talk James got up and grabbed Regulus’ water bottle. “Here, you should drink some water.” James said handing him how water bottle. “I don’t need water.” Regulus said wiping the final tears from his face.
“Reg you should drink some water.” Sirius said.

Regulus took the water from James, but instead of drinking to water, he dumped it on Sirius’ head. Sirius looked shocked, and James started laughing hysterically. Sirius shook out his hair like a wet dog. “You’re such an arse.” Sirius said messing up Regulus’ already messed up hair.

James wrapped Regulus in a hug still laughing. Then he moved a piece of hair out of Regulus’ face and said: “Are you ok now?”. Regulus nodded feeling a little awkward that James saw him freak out like that.

“I think I’m just going to lie down for a bit.” Regulus said, getting up off James’ bed and grabbing Payjamas. As Regeuls walked into the bathroom to change he heard James say “He got you back good Pads.”.

Regulus spent the rest of the night and most of the early morning staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do if that happened again when the campers were there.

Wednesday

Wednesday would be the last full day of camp before the campers came. Since it was Regulus’ first year being staff he didn’t really know what the schedule was. James had told him that Wednesday was prank planning day, so Regulus assumed there wasn’t really a schedule and the staff could just do whatever they wanted.

Regulus realized James wasn’t kidding about it being prank planning day when after breakfast somehow James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were all in his cabin and somehow there was a whiteboard.

Of all of Sirius’ friends, Regulus liked Remus the most. Remus seemed to be the only sane one in that group, and unlike the rest of them understood what personal space was. Remus knew how to leave Regulus alone, and Regulus appreciated that. Regulus was happy he liked Remus because it was obvious Sirius had a huge crush on him and Regulus didn’t want to hate the person that his older brother was dating.

**********************

Regulus had spent the morning reading and was eating lunch when Pandora said: “We should all do something this afternoon. It’s such a nice day and it’s our last day before the campers come.”
“What do you want to do?” Dorcas asked.
“I want to go for a ride on the boat at the point.” Pandora said looking right at Dorcas knowing she had the keys to the boat. “We’re not supposed to.”
“But it would be so fun.” Pandora complained, “Also you could bring McKinnon, I bet she would love that.”.

The minute Pandora brought up Marlene Regulus knew she would get her way. Everyone knew that Dorcas was totally in love with Marlene, and would do anything to make her happy. “You probably won’t see Marlene a lot during the day since she’ll be a counsellor and you’ll be at the point all day.” Pandora added, knowing exactly what she was doing. “Fine, but you can’t tell anyone I took you guys on the boat. Now if you don’t mind I’m going to go ask Marlene to join us.” Dorcas said and Pandora smiled. When it came to Pandora people usually did whatever she wanted because she was just so hard to say no to.

When Dorcas came back she said, “So I invited Marlene and somehow all her friends are coming too.”.
“Ughhhh I just can’t escape Potter and my brother. Am I some sort of magnet?” Regulus complained dramatically. “Is Peter coming because Evan and I have convinced him we are both stupidly in love with him and that we are fighting over him, and I want to see how far we can take it.” Barty said and at this, Regulus started to laugh. “Poor Peter, I don’t think he’ll survive this summer.” Regulus said.

Barty and Evan thought pretending to be in love with someone and fighting over them was the funniest thing ever. They had done it to Regulus, Pandora and Dorcas. To them this joke never got old. Although Regulus had a feeling it had something to do with how they were both obviously in love with each other but to chicken to do anything about it.

After everyone had finished eating and changed into their bathing suits they met down at the point. Soon after they were all on the boat in the middle of the lake. Regulus watched as Sirius took his shirt, revealing all the scars they had gotten from their dear mother. Part of Regulus was shocked that he didn’t swim in the shirt. That Sirius was brave enough to air out everything that had happened to him back at home.

Regulus was the exact opposite of Sirius in this way. He didn’t like people seeing his scars. He didn’t even like to see them himself. He often showered and changed in the dark to avoid looking at his body. Although some of that was gender dysphoria part of it was also because he hated the scars his mother left. He could never do what Sirius had just done, and for some reason that really upset him.

“Why are you staring at me?” Sirius asked breaking Regulus’ train of thought.
“I’m not.” Regulus snapped.
“Ya you are.” Sirius said.
“Maybe you just think so highly of yourself that you just assume people are staring at you because you’re just that great.” Regulus said using air quotes around the words that great. “Okay.” James said getting in between Sirius and Regulus which annoyed Regulus, and Regulus could tell it also annoyed Sirius. Regulus hated when people without siblings tried to break up a fight between him and Sirius.

Sirius flipped Regulus the bird and walked away. Prat Regulus thought as Sirius jumped in the water. Everyone but Barty and Regulus had jumped in the water. “Come on Reg.” Barty said walking to the end of the boat.
“I’ll watch.” Regulus said. Barty picked up Regulus and said
“You’re going to swim with us.” and jumped off the boat into the water still holding Regulus. “I hate you.” Regulus smiling and splashing Barty.

They spent the next few hours swimming around and jumping off the boat. Regulus spent most of the time next to Pandora watching Barty and Evan pretend to fight over Peter. Barty and Evan being Barty and Evan, they were very committed to the bit and were constantly throwing each other in so they could be closer to Peter.

After realizing they only had 5 minutes until dinner started, they all scrambled to get on the boat and Sirius spent the entire ride back yelling “Faster Meadows.”. Once the boat was tied to the dock they all ran to their cabins to change. Together James and Regulus ran laughing towards the dining hall. To everyone’s surprise, they were only 10 minutes late and there was still plenty of food left.

The high Regulus was feeling from the boat quickly ended when it came to eating. Regulus wasn’t able to do his usual trick of moving his food around the plate and threw it out when the meal was over. Pandora was watching him like a hawk, and Regulus knew she wasn’t kidding about telling Pomfrey. Pandora was also annoyingly smart and wouldn’t let Regulus out of sight for an hour after the meal was over. Pandora was scarily good at tough love.

After dinner, Pandora said, “Regulus come to my cabin and we can watch a movie or something.”
“Fine, but I’m picking the movie.” Regulus said, he had no plan of getting stuck watching Lego Batman again. “Ok, but nothing scary.”
“Deal.” Regulus said, smiling as he remembered when he had forced her to watch The Shinning with him and she had her eyes closed for most of the movie.

They ended up watching Booksmart because the wifi was really bad and it was the only movie Pandora had downloaded. Lily and Mary had joined them and Regulus didn’t miss the way Pandora smiled at Lily when Mary fell asleep on Lily’s shoulder.

When Regulus opened the door to his cabin he heard shuffling and watched as James shoved something under his bed. “What was that?” Regulus asked.
“Nothing.” James said a little too quickly. Regulus looked up at James knowing he was up to something, but also realizing he didn’t care enough to figure it out. “Whatever, I’m going to go take a shower.” Regulus said heading to the showers at the back of the cabin.

When Regulus got out of the shower James said “Regulus.”
“Ya.”
“Can you tell Barty and Evan to stop being arses to Pete?”
“What do you mean?” Regulus asked.
“You know what I mean. They were doing it the whole afternoon on the boat.”. Regulus thought back to the boat, but he couldn’t think of anything Barty and Evan would have done that would have genuinely upset Peter.

“I still don’t know what you mean.”
“Regulus. You saw the way they were both pretending to be in love with him.”
“Ya.” Regulus said, still not seeing why that would upset Peter so much.
“Regulus do you know how many people have asked Peter out as a joke? How many times Peter has called me to pick him up from a movie or dinner because nobody showed up? Peter is a good person, and I’m not going to let people pretend to be in love with him because they think he’s so undesirable. That isn’t funny.”.

Regulus was surprised, he had thought the Marauders were untouchable. “James they didn’t mean it like that. Evan and Barty do that to everyone, they did it to me, they’ve done it to Pandora and they’ve done it to Dorcas. They’re idiots who don’t know how to confess their feelings for each other so they pretend to be in love with other people together. They really didn’t mean anything bad by it, and I’m sure they don’t think Peter is undesirable.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I just get really defensive of Peter, people think because he is a little bigger that it means they get a free pass at making fun of him. It really affects him, and I thought that was what Barty and Evan were doing.”.
“I’ll talk to them tomorrow, I’ll tell them to stop; and I’m sorry that has happened to Peter. He doesn’t deserve that.”.
“Thank you Regulus.” James said, with a tone of sincerity that Regulus had never heard from James before.

Chapter Text

TW for this chapter
Eating disorder (Not eating and purging)
Racism (I am white, and i wrote these scenes as best I could. However please please please tell me if I wrote something wrong or offensive because that is the last thing I want)
I think that's it for this chapter but please tell me if I'm forgetting anything

Thursday

Regulus woke up to James yelling “Today’s the day Regulus!”. Regulus groaned and pulled his covers over his face, not at all matching James’ enthusiasm. “The campers are coming! Let’s go over their names. There’s Leo who left us the note so he’s already my friend, Lucas, Ethan, Jackson, Logan, Levi, Andrew, Aaron, Elijah, Mateo, Owen and Caleb.” James said, seeming proud that he knew all the kids’ names. “Great, do you know which one’s which?” Regulus said rolling over and facing the wall. James was silent for a minute and Regulus assumed he had led him into a crisis. “No, but I’ll learn, they didn’t put pictures with the names. Do you think I should talk to Dumbledore about doing that next year. I think that is a good idea actually. You’re so smart Regulus.”.

Regulus sat up, and a sharp pain rushed to his head. Regulus closed his eyes as he waited for the pain to go back down to the normal, bearable amount. James silently sat down next to Regulus. Ever since Regulus snapped at James, James had been trying different ways of comforting Regulus. This time he seemed to be attempting to comfort him by just being there.

Regulus would never admit it out loud but he loved how determined to help James was. Regulus didn’t have many people in his life who would stay after he snapped at them, and he had even fewer people who would then try to comfort him in so many different ways to see what would work best.

Regulus rarely felt loved, and maybe James doing everything to make him feel better was just James' personality. Something he does to everyone, but it had made Regulus feel so loved. It made him feel like someone in this world cared about him, no matter how hard he tried to push them away.

Regulus saw what Sirius saw in James; when growing up with Walburga and Orion Black you never felt warmth. You never felt loved. You never felt wanted. James erased all that. James’ warmth was like the sun after coming out of cold water. His warmth was like putting on a sweater just after it came out of the dryer. His warmth was like a hot shower in the winter. James made you feel not just wanted, but loved.

“Let’s go.” Regulus said getting up off his bed and leaving James sitting there. Regulus began to put his shoes on as James scrambled to do the same. Together they walked to the dinning hall.

*************

Dumbledore didn’t even wait until everyone was done eating to start talking. “Wow he really likes to hear himself talk.” Barty said just after Dumbledore said: “I have some very important things to go over this morning.” Regulus and Evan laughed and Pandora rolled her eyes. “The campers will be arriving about half an hour before lunch. Until then I would like you all to go back to your cabins and double-check that everything is in order for your campers. An hour before lunch starts I want all staff to be standing outside the dinning hall, and yes that includes activities staff. This is where we will greet the campers. You will then take your campers back to your cabins until lunch starts and get to know your campers. Then you will come to lunch. Inters counsellors and swim staff, you will be at the docks an hour after lunch ends for the inters swim tests. Then an hour later teens will take their tests and so on. When you aren’t at the docks you will be helping your campers unpack and getting to know them.”.

Dumbledore continued on like this for the rest of breakfast but after a while, Regulus tuned him out. “It’s our last meal of peace until we have to engage in conversation with 8-year-olds the whole meal every day.” Regulus said to Pandora.
“Not every day, we get days off.” Pandora said.
“Ya, actually why don’t we get a day off this week?” Evan asked.
“Because it’s the first week of camp and they need all of us here for the whole week.” Dorcas said, it was her second year as staff. “Isn’t that illegal?” Barty asked. Dorcas shrugged and said: “I don’t think Dumbledore really cares.”. Everyone seemed to accept this answer and went on eating.

After breakfast Regulus had to lay down, his head was killing him. Luckily he and James had done everything they needed to do to prepare for the campers so they had the morning to themselves. Regulus took some Advil and went to sleep, hoping that when he woke up the Advil would have kicked in.

********************

Regulus woke up to James gently nudging him. As Regulus groaned James said: “Sorry I tried calling your name, but you wouldn’t wake up. We um, have to go to the dinning hall for the buses.”. As Regulus sat up he realized his headache was a lot better, however, it wasn’t gone. It was just much more bearable, which Regulus really did appreciate. Of all days this summer he had to be present and happy, today was probably one of them. “I’m coming.” Regulus said getting out of bed.

“Why do we even have to be there a half hour before the buses arrive?” Regulus complained. “I think so that if people are late to the dinning hall they are still there before the campers arrive.” James replied.
“Then why didn’t we just come later?”
“Because we are good staff, and we show up places when we’re told to be there.” James replied. Regulus graned and kept walking.

They ended up standing there for 45 minutes because the buses we late. During that time Barty and Evan started to fight over Peter again. James looked over at Barty, Evan and Peter, then looked at Regulus.

“I need to talk to you two.” Regulus said dragging Barty and Evan away from the crowd. “What did we do now?” Barty joked once Regulus stopped.
“You have to stop flirting with Peter.”
“But it’s so funny the way he squirms.” Barty said.
“Why?” Evan asked.
“He thinks you’re bullying him.”
“We’re not.” Both Barty and Evan said at the same time.
“I know that. However, Peter doesn’t know that, and James doesn’t know that. So you have to stop.”
“Did Potter tell you to talk to us?” Barty asked starting to laugh.
“James is very defensive of his friends. He told me that Peter has had a lot of people ask him out as a joke. So you two have to stop. Tease Peter a different way for all I care, just don’t pretend to be in love with him.”

At this, both Barty and Evan looked apologetic. Regulus knew they would be. Regulus knew his friends. They had no malicious intent. Barty and Evan joked around a lot, but never in a way that was meant to hurt someone. That wasn’t who they were.
“Oh, ya we’ll stop. We didn’t realize that it was actually upsetting Peter.” Barty said.
“And we’ll apologize to him.” Evan added.
“Thank you. Now let’s go back and stand around waiting for buses to arrive for the next half hour.” Regulus said.

When the buses rolled in everyone started cheering, but the most Regulus was going to do was give an unenthusiastic yay. Everyone continued to cheer as the kids walked off the bus. Some kids looked excited as they took in the new environment and others looked absolutely terrified.

Thankfully the staff on the buses got the kids to get off the buses cabin by cabin, therefore finding them all wasn’t hard. As they walked back to the cabin James was already engaged in several conversations with different kids. Although most kids were excitedly talking to James or trying to get his attention, there was one kid who was clinging onto Regulus. “I’m Leo.” The kid said. Leo had dirty blonde hair that must’ve been growing out of a buzzcut. Regulus paused for a second to try and place Leo, he then remembered that Leo was the one who wrote the letter that James so excitedly read on that first day.

“Oh yes, James and I got your letter. So I guess we’re already friends.” Regulus said trying to say something he could see James saying. Leo’s eyes lit up as if Regulus remembering the letter was the biggest thing in the world. “James put you on the top bunk.” Regulus told him trying to fill the silence.
“Really! Thank you so much” Leo said hugging Regulus, which took him by surprise. Were all kids this affectionate?

“Were you scared your first summer at camp?” Leo asked.
“Not really.” Regulus said remembering how much relief he felt when he was free from his parents. “Oh.” Leo said sounding a little sad, and Regulus realized that was the wrong thing to say.
“But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be scared, it’s ok to be scared of things that others aren’t afraid of. That just means you’re probably not scared of different stuff that other people might find scary.” Regulus recovered.
“What are you scared of.” Leo asked looking up at Regulus.
“How much energy James has in the morning.” Regulus said and Leo laughed.

James turned around to see Regulus and Leo laughing together and smiled at Regulus. “I heard my name, what are you saying about me?” James asked raising his eyebrows. “I’m telling him about how mean you are.” Regulus said sarcastically knowing James didn’t have a mean bone in his body. James gasped and said “You’re already corrupting him, how could you. Don’t listen to him, he’s conspiring against me.”. Then James stuck his tongue out at Regulus.

Once they got to the cabin the kids ran in and found their beds. They threw their bags on their beds and started taking all their stuff out of their bags. Regulus was impressed to see that Leo had 5 books in his backpack and was putting them on the shelf next to his bed. Regulus looked around to see other kids taking out photos of what looked to be their families, toys and stuffed animals.

“Boys we have to leave for lunch in 10 minutes so don’t start doing something that takes too much time.” James said. James then walked over to Regulus, looking panicked as he said: “I can’t tell Owen and Caleb apart.”. Regulus looked around the cabin to see two boys who must’ve been identical twins. Regulus just laughed at James.

The two boys had brown hair and olive skin. They had the exact same face shape and exact same dark brown eyes. They also had the exact same haircut, which Regulus assumed wasn’t their idea. They both seemed to be fighting to be different from each other, and Regulus knew what was felt like all too well.

Although the 2 boys looked a lot alike, Regulus could tell them apart. He could see it in the way they carried themselves. One of them was quieter, always looking around. He seemed very aware of what was going on around him. Most of all he seemed very aware of his brother. The other one was loud and careless. It was almost as if he was demanding your attention with every one of his actions. It was true, they looked a lot alike, but Regulus could already tell they were 2 very different people.

“I’m going to assume the one holding a pillow that says Caleb is Caleb.” Regulus said as he watched the kid pull the pillow with his name on it out of his bag. “Oh, ya that makes sense.” James said smiling at Regulus.

******************

At lunch Regulus noticed that smaller friend groups were already beginning to form within the boys. Some of the boys were calling each other by their names, which meant Regulus was able to learn a few of their names.

There was a black boy named Levi who Regulus didn’t see stop smiling the entire lunch. Lucas was the embodiment of Sirius with his long hair and loud demeanor. He had spent most of lunch playfully making fun of Andrew for being ginger. Logan had brown hair and blue eyes who was constantly talking to Mateo who was covered in freckles and had dark hair. As for the rest of the kids, Regulus hadn’t heard anyone use their names and therefore didn’t know their names.

Everything was so new, and everyone was so excited to meet each other and get to know one another, that nobody noticed when Regulus didn’t eat any of his lunch. No eyes were on him, and that was just how he liked it.

After lunch, they walked back to the cabin. On their walk, the first thing James said to Regulus was “I think I know most of their names, but I feel bad that I don’t know them all. I was talking to that kid over there,” James said pointing at Lucas “but I didn’t know his name and the longer we talked I felt worse asking his name so I didn’t”.
“That’s Lucas.” Regulus said remembering how animated James was when talking to him. “Does he remind you of anyone Reg?” James said smiling.
“Yes, why is he Sirius!” Regulus said, thankful that it wasn’t just him that noticed this kid was a mini Sirius. James burst out laughing.

“Careful Sirius doesn’t think you’re replacing him with the mini version of him.”
“He would too.” James said still laughing.
“Do you know who that kid is?” Regulus asked pointing at a brown boy who also seemed to spend most of lunch talking animatedly with James “Ya, that’s Jackson.”. Regulus asked James about the rest of the kids he didn’t know the names of. Aron was a quieter boy who seemed to be keeping to himself. Elijah walked back to the cabin in complete awe of everything around him. This left James and Regulus with one kid they didn’t know the name of.

************

“Bathing suits on we have our swim test in a half hour.” James said walking into the cabin.
“And sunscreen.” Regulus added.
“I don’t need to take the swim test, I already know how to swim. Also, I don’t like wearing sunscreen” Logan said.
“Great, then you don’t have to worry about failing; and Regulus is right, sunscreen is important.” James said and Logan didn’t seem to appreciate this response but he did get his bathing suit out. Regulus would fight with him about sunscreen later if he had to, he knew the first day of camp could be hard for some kids.

Regulus noticed how most of the kids (as well as James) just started stripping their clothes off, with not a care in the world who was watching. Regulus went to the bathroom to change where he saw Mateo, Leo and a kid that last kid who he didn’t know the name of doing the same. Mateo and Leo were using the only 2 stalls meaning he and the other kid were outside waiting for them to be done.

“I’m Regulus.” Regulus said to the kid hoping he would tell him his name in return. Instead, the kid said “I know.”. Regulus paused for a minute thinking about the best way to ask for his name. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch your name yet.”. At this, the kid started crying. “Oh, um I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Regulus said, having a feeling he was already fucking this up. “He didn’t even ask my name.” Regulus was beyond confused. “Who didn’t ask your name?”
“Logan. He just started speaking gibberish to me.” Regulus was starting to catch on. This boy was Asian, and from what Regulus had seen of Logan, he wouldn’t have put it past him to say something racist to him.

“Hey look at me. I’ll talk to Logan. If he is being racist then James and I will make sure he stops. That’s not ok, and we won’t let that be something that happens in the cabin. I would like to know your name though.” Regulus said, feeling ill-equipped for this. “Ethan.” the boy said through his tears.
“Okay Ethan, I’m going to tell James what you told me. James and I are going to talk to Logan about what he said to you and make sure he doesn’t do it again. If anything like that happens again, you come tell us okay?”
“Okay.” Ethan said wiping away tears.
“Even if it’s someone who isn’t in our cabin. We want you to have a fun summer.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t need to thank me.”.

Just then the stall door opened, Leo came out and hugged Ethan “I’m sorry that Logan is being mean. Do you want to hang out with me?”. Regulus smiled to himself, he knew he liked Leo. Ethan nodded and Leo looked really excited. Ethan motioned for Regulus to go in the stall and change but Regulus said: “You go.”.

Only a minute later Mateo came out of the other stall and Regulus went in to change. Regulus didn’t take his shirt off as he was going to swim in it anyway. He looked up as he took his shorts off and put his bathing suit on.

Regulus hated seeing his body. It always felt wrong. He avoided mirrors and took showers in the dark. He did whatever he could to avoid himself. His body was a cage he always felt trapped in. Constantly reminding him of all his insecurities, and showing him everything he was missing.

*********************

The boys threw their towels down on the beach and walked onto the dock. The doc had about 5 different open areas that were all the size of a swimming pool. They walked over to the fourth box where their cabin was taking the swim test. Although Dumbledore called it a swim test it wasn’t really a test. The counsellors were supposed to swim a couple of laps with their campers and then tread water for a minute. After that, all the kids passed. Dumbledore did it this way because, legally, he had to have a swim test for the campers, but he didn’t really care about if the campers could actually swim or not.

James took his shirt off and threw it on the dock, flexing his muscles. Regulus rolled his eyes and pushed him into the lake. James looked up at him in mock offense. He then got out of the lake, picked Regulus up and jumped back into the lake. James held onto Regulus’ arm as they both swam up.

Regulus pulled his arm back and said “I do know how to swim.”
“I was just worried about your head.”
“It’s fine. You look like a dork with those goggles though.” Regulus said.
“They’re prescriptioned! Also, my mom says they look really cool.”
“Was that after she forced you to wear them because you lost your glasses in the lake.” Regulus said, remembering how a few summers ago Regulus tried to swim with his glasses and lost them in the lake. After that, he always wore the goggles when swimming. James splashed Regulus. Regulus splashed him right back.

At this point most of the boys jumped in, but Leo stood there on the dock. “Come on in Leo.” Regulus said. “I’m scared, is it cold?” Leo asked looking suspiciously at the water.
“No, it’s not cold.” Regulus responded.
“Is there seaweed, I don’t like seaweed.”
“There’s no seaweed.”
“You promise.”
“Yes.” Regulus said but Leo still looked unsure.
“Regulus isn’t lying Leo, it’s not scary.” Ethan said. This seemed to convince Leo, and he slowly slipped into the water.

James swam in the front of the group and Regulus swam at the back as they did 5 laps. The entire time James was staring worriedly at Regulus, as if he were going to start drowning any second. When they finished the laps and started treading Regulus splashed James “I told you I can swim.”
“You’re right, how dare I worry about my friends.” James said splashing Regulus back.

After a minute James yelled, “You all passed the swim test! Now lets go back to the cabin and finish unpacking.” All the boys cheered and got out of the lake.

As James and Regulus followed the boys back to the cabin Regulus said “James, we need to talk to Logan.”
“Why, what happened?”
“Ethan was crying and he told me that Logan was being racist.” Regulus said, and when he turned to face James James looked very upset. “I’m sorry.” Regulus said.
“Why are you sorry. We’ll talk to him when we get to the cabin.” James said and then paused then asked “Wait which one’s Ethan?”. Regulus pointed at Ethan.
“Ok.” James said.

The rest of the walk back was silent. Regulus didn’t know what to say. He had never seen James upset like this. James was always this big ray of sunshine and Regulus naively assumed that he was always like that. Regulus thought James had the perfect life, and he had no reason to ever be sad, but he was now realizing that probably wasn’t true.

As they walked up the stairs to the cabin James said: “Logan can Regulus and I talk to you.”. Logan rolled his eyes, but didn’t walk away. Once all the other boys were inside the cabin James said “Logan, we really want this summer to be fun for everyone. We want you boys to feel safe in this cabin. We want you boys to be excited and happy to be here. This means you can’t be saying racist things because then people won’t feel safe.”
“I didn’t say anything racist.” Logan argued.
“I was talking to Ethan, and he told me that you were speaking gibberish to him. You have too know that is racist.” Regulus said.

“I was just joking with him. Can he not take a joke?” Logan said. Regulus watched James’ face turn stone cold. James spoke surprisingly calmly as he said “It’s not a joke though. Jokes are meant to be funny and making fun of someone’s culture and race isn’t funny. I’ve had people do that to me and I don’t think it’s funny. It hurt my feelings. When you did that to Ethan you hurt his feelings.”
“Maybe you just can’t take a joke either.” Logan said and Regulus was shocked.
“It’s not a joke if it’s based on harmful stereotypes and is ment to upset someone. That’s just being racist. Now I want you to go in that cabin and apologize to Ethan. If either Regulus or I hear another thing about you saying something racist to anyone we will be calling you’re parents.” James said sternly and Logan stormed into the cabin slamming the door behind him.

At that moment, Regulus did something he had never done before. He hugged James Potter. Regulus felt James bury his face into Regulus’ shoulder. He held onto James, refusing to let go until James did. Regulus might not always get along with James, but nobody deserves to be treated like that. “I’m sorry.”
“Regulus you don’t have to apologize to me, you didn’t do anything.”.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with this.” Regulus said.
“It’s ok.” James sighed.
“No it’s not.” Regulus stated.
“No, it’s not.” James said sadly.

Regulus opened the door to the cabin and waited for James to follow him, but he didn’t. “Can you just give me a minute alone please?” James asked.
“Of course, don’t do anything I would do.”
“You mean wouldn’t?”
“No, I’m as self-destructive asshole, if I would do it it’s probably a bad idea.” Regulus said and James laughed.

Regulus changed out of his bathing suit and flopped onto his bed. He had only been with these kids for a few hours and already he was exhausted. How was he going to survive the whole summer? He didn’t know what he was doing. How was he qualified to be a counsellor? He was going to fuck this up so badly.

At some point, Regulus must have fallen asleep because suddenly James was waking him up and telling him it was time for dinner. Sleeping was something Regulus often did when he was either in a lot of pain or there was just too much going on.

For some reason, at times like this, nightmares weren’t a problem. When he napped, nightmares were extremely rare for him. It was only when it came to sleeping through the night that it was a problem. It was as if his body was to tired dealing with everything he was trying to avoid through napping, that it couldn’t possibly conjure up any more pain.

In these moments, sleeping was a foolproof way of making his brain stop for a few hours. It made everything stop. It forced his head to be quiet. It took away the pain. It was probably the only time Regulus was ever relaxed.

Regulus dramatically rolled out of bed and followed everyone in the action of putting on their shoes. “You’ve got bedhead.” James said laughing, messing up his hair some more. “Fuck off.” Regulus replied.

************************

Regulus was moving his pasta around his plate when James got up from across the table and sat down beside Regulus. “I think you should eat something.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Regulus, I was watching you at lunch, you barely touched your food. You have to eat.”
“James it’s really not your business.”
“It is though, you’re my friend, and you’re my co-counsellor. Therefore we have to work together to take care of these kids, and you can’t do that if you're passing out because you haven’t eaten. I also care about you, it’s not healthy to starve yourself like this.”
“Did Pandora talk to you?”
“No, but I can tell she’s worried about you as well.”
“James, please I can’t do this right now.”
“Regulus, at least eat half of it.”
“Pandora definitely talked to you.”
“She really didn’t, I’m just observant; but if you don’t eat I’ll go get her and she’ll give you a much harder time than I am.” James said, and Regulus knew he wasn’t wrong.

Once Regulus finished half his pasta he waited until James was distracted and said to Leo, “I’m going to go to the bathroom if James asks where I am.” and Leo nodded. Regulus walked into the bathroom, he checked to make sure nobody else in any of the stalls. He rinsed his fingers under the sink water, and walked into a bathroom stall. He got down on his knees in front of the toilet. He shoved his fingers into his mouth just where they needed to be. He had done this before, he knew what to do. Then Regulus threw up.

Regulus was in control again. He couldn’t control Logan. He couldn’t control what he would say or what he would do. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop Logan from doing what he was going to do. However, he could control this. He could control how little he ate, and he could keep the food he did eat from staying in his body like an unwelcome guest. Regulus calmly got up, rinsed his fingers off and walked back to his table. Regulus didn’t look at James for the rest of the meal.

Typically after dinner at camp, there was something called evening program where there would be some sort of competition against other cabins in their unit, but since it was the first night at camp there was no evening program. There was also no free time for counsellors, which is something that would typically take place after evening program.

After listening to Dumbledore drone on about where they were supposed to be going and what they were supposed to be doing they were finally allowed to leave. Before Regulus could even get up from his seat he felt someone grab him from behind and start messing up his hair. “Sirius stop.” Regulus said swatting his hand away.
“How’d you know it was me?”
“Because nobody is as annoying as you.” Regulus said fixing his hair and getting up from his seat to mess up Sirius’ hair before running away.

Back at the cabin Regulus sat down beside Jamesas he decided it was time for their first-ever cabin meeting. They managed to get the boys to sit in a circle before James said: “From this year on, you boys will get this talk every year, and when you are counsellors you will give this talk. Regulus and I are a team,” James glanced over at Regulus “so if one of us says no to something, don’t go to the other to get a different answer.”

James paused for a minute and got very serious “This is a very diverse cabin, and that is a really cool thing. It would be boring if we were all the same. This means we all have to be nice to each other, and embrace our differences. I don’t want to find out that anyone is saying something racist or homophobic. Another thing, we respect women in this cabin, no misogyny allowed. Does that sound good to everyone? Finally, we are all going to be nice to each other this summer.” All the boys nodded.

“Okay now for the fun part of the speech, this you won’t hear every year. Pranks are encouraged.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Pranks can even help you bond with your friends. That is why my fellow Marauders and I are so close.” James said smiling.
“What’s a marauder?” Jackson asked.
“Oh, that is what my friends Sirius, Remus, Peter and I call ourselves.” James said, seeming to forget that the Marauders were not some worldwide sensation.

“As I was saying, pranks help you bond with your friends. Since you boys don’t know each other very well, you guys can all team up to come up with pranks while Regulus and I team up. We’ll have a full-on cabin prank wars! Who’s ready?” At this, all the boys seemed to cheer.

Regulus turned to face James and said “I didn’t agree to team up with you.”
“You agreed when you became my co-counsellor.” James responded with a smug grin.
“I didn’t agree to that either.” Regulus said.
“Well I guess that’s too bad for you because now you’re stuck teaming up with me.”. Regulus rolled his eyes and turned away from James to cover up his smile.

“Oh also boys, on the first night of camp it is customary to take all your junk food and put it in the middle of the cabin and we all sit here eating it until we feel sick.” James said smiling. Regulus was kinda hoping James forgot about this part, but he now realized that was wishful thinking.

All the boys seemed very excited by this and went to grab their candy. James also got up and went to grab the candy he had on his shelf. Regulus was shocked at the amount of candy these boys were able to fit in their backpacks. He could feel himself getting nervous. He didn’t want to eat any of the food he saw placed in front of him.

Regulus just sat there as the boys began to shove candy in their mouths. “Regulus.” James said
“Ya.”
“You’re doing great.” James said.
“What?” Regulus asked, confused about what James was talking about.
“I can tell you have a hard time with this, and I just wanted you to know that you’re pushing through and you’re doing great.”
“With what?”
“Eating. I know you didn’t appreciate what I did at dinner. I just wanted you to know I’m proud of you.”
“Oh, um thanks.” Regulus said.

Regulus had never felt worse about himself. It wasn’t like he directly lied to James, but James also didn’t know he threw up his dinner. James didn’t hear the things he said to the few people who cared about him when pushed too far. He didn’t see the pain they felt just trying to help him. He hadn’t experienced Regulus’ determination to be in control off what he ate. James couldn’t see this ugly side of him, because James was sunshine, and Regulus was midnight rain.

Friday

Regulus woke up to James yelling “It’s the first morning of camp!” and running around the cabin. To silence this, Regulus put his pillow over his head. It was too early for this. “Regulus get up.” James said taking his pillow from him. Regulus groaned and pulled his duvet over his head. To counter this James pulled his duvet off of him. Regulus then pulled his hood from his hoodie over his head. “Hey that’s not fair, I can’t just rip your clothes off.”

“Just wake everyone else up first.”.
“Everyone else is awake.” James said. Regulus looked up to see all the boys up and out of their beds. Regulus looked up at James “I don’t want to get up.” he complained.
“Do you want me to carry you to breakfast.” James said smiling.
“Nooooo I want to sleep.”
“Too bad.” James said throwing Regulus’ pillow at him.

“I can dump water on him.” Regulus heard one of the boys say unhelpfully.
“No, I’m up.” Regulus said sitting up and thinking about how much he hated kids. As Regulus was sitting there he looked up at James to see him smiling. “What.”
“I’m just amazed that you can pull off bed-head.”. Regulus ran his hands through his hair embarrassed about how bad he probably looked “At least one of us can.” Regulus said looking at James and all the boys laughed. Still smiling James reached out his hand to help Regulus up from his bed, once again Regulus ignored his hand and got up himself.

“How’d you sleep?” James asked as they were walking to the dinning hall.
“Fine.” Regulus lied. In reality, he hadn’t slept well. He had spent so much time worrying about having a nightmare and screaming again, this time in front of the boys. His brain wouldn’t let him fall asleep for longer than 15 minutes at a time. Regulus was embarrassed enough when it happened in front of Sirius and James.

“How’d you sleep?” Regulus asked back.
“Ok, but I heard someone across from me tossing and turning all night. Is everything ok?” James asked sounding worried.
“I’m fine James.”
“Okay, but you can always talk to me, and if you don’t want to talk to me, there are other people you can talk to.”
“Great.” Regulus said yawning.
“I’m sorry if I did something wrong.”
“You didn’t.”
“Okay.”

As they walked up the stairs of the dinning hall Regulus was already dreading breakfast. At home, he usually skipped breakfast; he found it was the easiest meal to get away with skipping. There was nobody to watch him or force him to eat, but of course, things would be different at camp.

Following the boys to their assigned table, Regulus saw Pandora. She walked over to him and hugged him. “How was your first night?”
“Good, you.”
“I love those girls so much already.” Pandora said motioning to her campers.
“That's great.” Regulus said.
“Now go eat something.” Pandora said reading his mind and walking to her table. Regulus rolled his eyes as he walked back to his table.

Regulus stared at the pancakes on his plate. He cut them up. He moved them around. He couldn’t do it. Just then Sirius sat down beside him “Hello dear brother of mine.” Regulus didn’t say reposnd. Sirius poured some of the orange juice into a cup, and held it up to Regulus. “Just start off by drinking some of this.”
“I can’t.” Regulus said pushing the cup away.
“Yes you can.” Sirius said forcing the cup to Regulus’ mouth.

Regulus panicked and slapped the cup out of his hand. He didn’t mean to, it was a reflex. His body was so used to pushing away food. It was so used to having the control that when it thought something was going to go differently than how it meticulously planned it, he freak out. “Sirius stop.” Regulus said, purposely not shouting, he didn’t want to make a scene.

“Mother isn’t here, don’t let win.” Sirius said, and he had the audacity to look at Regulus sympathetically. “Go away. This isn’t even about mum.” Regulus said. His mother didn’t control him. Regulus did this for control.

Sirius started to laugh “Mother always used to tell me to go away too. She really dug her talons into you while I was gone.”. Sirius got up and as he passed James he said “It’s a go for tonight.”. Regulus didn’t know what he was talking about and he didn’t care to ask.

Regulus began to move his food around his plate some more when he saw most of the boys including James staring at him. James got up and went over to sit beside Regulus. Regulus held the blank expression on his face, because that was all he could do to keep from crying. “Regulus,”
“James don’t.” Regulus said firmly.
“You don’t even know what I was going to say.”
“Fine, what were you going to say.”
“You’ve got something on your nose.” James said dipping his finger into the whipped cream and touching his nose. If this had been anyone else, Regulus would have just rolled his eyes, but for some reason that Regulus couldn’t place, he laughed. “You’re such an idiot.” Regulus said still laughing. James seemed to take this as a compliment because he smiled at Regulus.

“Boys, you can’t possibly be bored of each other already. Talk to each other.” James said to the boys who were staring at James and Regulus. The boys scrambled to talk to one another, looking like a bunch of deer in headlights. “What’s the easiest thing on this table for you to eat?” James asked. Regulus looked at the table. He didn’t want to eat any of it. “Stop.” Regulus said.
“Regulus, you have to eat something.”
“I can’t.”
“Can I ask why?” James asked sweetly.
“I just can’t.” Regulus said sadly.
“Regulus you are way more articulate than that.”
“I need this.” Regulus said.
“Regulus you need food.” James said and Regulus was silent.

“Regulus I’m sorry this is hard for you and I’m sorry that I am going to make you eat. I genuinely don’t want to see you hurting, but that is why I need you to eat. You’re hurting yourself. I know you’re going to think this is bullshit, but I care about you, and I don’t want to see you hurt.” James paused and jokingly added “And I like when I get what I want.”.
“I never get what I want.”
“Exactly why change things now?” James said motioning down at the pancakes.
“I’ll have half of a pankcake.” Regulus said still trying to hold onto some control.
“Deal.” James said extending out his hand, Regulus ignored James’ hand and began to eat his pancake.

As they were walking back to the cabin James said “I’m proud of you.”
“Shut up.” Regulus responded just as Leo came up from behind them saying
“I thought you said we have to be nice to each other James.”
“I did say that. Bad Regulus.” James said pointing a finger at Regulus and smiling at Leo. “James said you boys had to be nice to each other, he never said anything to me.” Regulus said. “You know Regulus I think you’re right.”
“I’m right about a lot of things, you’ll have to be more specific.”
“It is scary how much energy James has in the mornings.” Leo said and James looked over at Regulus in mock offence. “We’re you talking to our dear camper about me behind my back?”
“It’s nothing I wouldn’t say to your face.” Regulus responded.
“How kind of you.” James said.

Once they arrived at the cabin Regulus realized he had forgotten all about the schedule they were supposed to get from Dumbledore at breakfast. James seemed to read his mind, because before Regulus could say anything James held up a piece of paper containing the activities they had that day. “I forgot my first day too.” James said.
“That sounds like you.” Regulus said reading the schedule to see that they didn’t have any activities that his friends were on that day. “We’re stuck with each other for company today.” James said as he also didn’t seem to have any friends on the activities they had.
The first activity was ropes, which was basically a giant ropes course that the kids were supposed to do as many times as it took before the hour was over. For James and Regulus, this meant they got to sit there for an hour and watch as the boys did the course over and over.

*************

While sitting watching the boys go through the ropes course James said: “Kingsley and I played a game we called questions last year to pass the time.”
“Questions.” Regulus said looking at James.
“Ya, it’s basically where you ask each other questions.”
“I figured that much.” Regulus said unimpressed by James and Kingsley’s creativity.
“I’ll start. Who’s your best friend?”
“Pandora.”
“Now you ask me a question.”
“What does Sirius say about me to you?”
“We’re getting right into it I see. Usually, he says that you’re an idiot for not leaving your family, but what he really means is he misses you.”
“Liar I know he’s got way more to say about me than that.”
“It usually involves him wanting you around so I’m not lying, I just gave you a very simplified version. What’s your favourite movie.”
“Dead Poets Society. Why are you so nice to people who treat you like shit?”
“I’m not.”
“Yes you are, you’re nice to me.”
“You don’t treat me like shit.”
“Yes I do. I’ve been an asshole this entire week.”
“No you haven’t. Regulus I don’t know you well, but I know Sirius better than I know myself. I know you hate being compared to him, and I understand that, but you do have some similarities. I think it’s beautiful how similar yet completely different you can be. One thing you both do is put walls up, you don’t let people get close, and you don’t let people help you. You’re not being an asshole for that, you’re just guarded.” James said, and it was far from what Regulus expected.

It was true, Regulus hated being compared to Sirius, which is part of the reason he was so angry with James on that first day. Regulus didn’t want James to think he was Sirius and he didn’t want James to treat him like his best friend. At home, Regulus was both not good enough to follow Sirius’ footsteps as the heir, and expected to be everything Sirius wasn’t. No matter what Regulus did, it was always compared to Sirius, and he hated that.

However, the way James was talking about them was different. James was talking in a way that made Regulus feel valid as his own person, yet connected to his older brother. James spoke as if no matter what Regulus and Sirius did, they would always hold a piece of the other in their hearts. With James, Regulus wasn’t being ranked against Sirius, but simply existed in the same universe as him.

“James, you’re nice to everyone, therefore you’re nice to the people that treat you like shit.” Regulus said trying to take the focus off him.
“I’m not nice to everyone.”
“Who aren’t you nice to?”
“I’m not nice to Snape.”
“Ya but Snape deserves it.”
“Exactly, I’m nice to the people who deserve my respect. You are one of those people, Snape is not. It’s that simple. Anyway enough about Snape. What’s your favourite book?”.

As they continued to play the game Regulus couldn’t stop thinking about what James said. Regulus didn’t deserve James’ respect. Regulus wasn’t a nice person. From James’ perspective, Regulus and Snape should be quite similar. They are both assholes who come from or hang around very conservative families. Regulus didn’t doubt James had his reasons for hating Snape, he was very unlikable, but why was he giving Regulus the benefit of the doubt and not Snape?

*************

The next activity on their schedule was swim lessons, which happened every day for the second period (except Sudays where the campers could go to whatever activity they wanted to). Although this time instead of it just being James and Regulus, all the inter staff were there as all the units had their swim lessons together.

However, Regulus had forgotten this tiny detail as he was standing talking to James, minding his own business when suddenly someone jumped onto his back. As Regulus fell from the unexpected force he knew this could only be on person, Pandora. She had clearly expected Regulus to be ready for her to jump on him as when he fell she went down with him.

Regulus sat up and threw a handful of sand at her as James and Lily laughed. Laughing herself Pandora said, “You were supposed to catch me.”
“You didn’t give me any warning, you just jumped on me.” Regulus said getting up and extending out a hand to help Pandora up. Regulus wiped the remaining sand off his face and said “How was your first period.”
“It was good, we had Arts and Crafts first.”
“Is Evan enjoying being on Arts and Crafts.”
“He seems to be. What did you guys have?”
“Ropes.” Regulus said and Pandora looked at James as she said
“Was Regulus being nice, or did he spend the hour bullying you?”
“I’m right here.” Regulus said as James laughed.
“He was very sweet.” James said with his hand over his heart which got a laugh out of Lily.“No I wasn’t” Regulus protested.
“He thinks he’s mean and scary but he’s not.” Pandora said smiling and wrapping her arms around Regulus.

Just then Snape walked over and said “Hi Lily.”
“Hey Sev.” Lily said smiling as everyone else tensed up at the arrival of Snape.
“I already can’t wait for my day off.” Snape said to Lily.
“What happened?” Lily said looking concerned.
“I hate my kids.” Snape said rolling his eyes.
“Why’d you come back again and why are you a counsellor then?” James asked seeming irritated. “I wasn’t talking to you Potter, do you just stick your nose in everyone’s business.” Snape sneered and James looked mad.
“I don’t, but when it involves you being responsible for however many campers you have, then ya I have the right to be worried.”

“Guys let’s calm down, I’m sure Snape has a valid reason for not liking his campers.” Lily said looking at Snape to explain himself. “They’re little brats that don’t listen. They wouldn’t go to bed until 10 O’Clock last night.”.
“They’re 8 years old, and excited to be at camp for the first time, of course they didn’t want to go to bed right away.” James said, and Regulus silently thought back to how their campers didn’t go to bed until midnight. “I just can’t deal with them Potter.”
“Then I’ll report you to Dumbledore.”
“Go ahead, he won’t care.” Snape said. James opened his mouth to say argue, but everyone knew Snapee was right. Dumbledore couldn’t be bothered to find someone to replace Snape, so he would continue to be a counsellor no matter how bad he was at it.

The rest of the period was tense. Even after Lily dragged Snape away to stop the fighting. James was upset the rest of the period and the entire trip back to the cabin after swim.

Inside the cabin James said, “Can I have all you boys’ attention for a minute please.”. All the boys looked over at James and he continued “The other cabin your age, might be having a hard time getting settled into camp. I’m sure you boys know how that feels, it’s the first summer here for all you guys, and being away from home is very scary. I want you boys to be nice to the other cabin, and if they’re ever upset I want you boys to comfort them. I want you boys to make sure the other cabin knows they are all welcome to hang out in our cabin any time okay?”
“Okay.” All the boys said in response.

Throughout lunch and the rest of their activities in the afternoon James was quiet. Regulus didn't really know what to do. Until yesterday Regulus thought James was incapable of any sad emotions, but the past few days seem to have been rough for him. After their last activity for the day, they had a break before dinner. Regulus went to Sirius’ cabin.

The activity staff cabins were built like college dorm rooms. There were a lot of them, they were really small and contained one bunk bed. Activity staff got to choose who they roomed with, and Regulus wasn’t surprised Sirius and Remus were rooming with each other. It was obvious they had a thing for each other.

Regulus knocked on the door but nobody answered. Just as he was about to knock again he heard Sirius from behind him say “What can I do for you dear brother of mine?”
“Where were you?” Regulus said turning around to see both Remus and Sirius.
“It doesn’t matter. Just tell me why you’re here.”
“I think James is broken.” Regulus said sarcastically.
“What?” Sirius said looking confused.
“He’s just been quiet all day and yesterday a camper was being kinda racist and he was really upset about that. You should probably go talk to him or something.”
“He’s not broken you asshole, he’s allowed to be upset.” Sirius said walking out of the cabin before Regulus could say anything.

Regulus looked at Remus and said, “I didn’t mean it like that, I was just kidding with him.”
“Ya, it’s not your fault. Maybe this is something you and James should talk about. I don’t want to tell you all James’ business, but he does struggle sometimes.”.
“Okay, I’ll talk to him, sorry I bothered you guys.” Regulus said leaving.

Regulus figured he’d give James and Sirius some space so he went to Pandora’s cabin. “Come in.” Regulus heard a young girl’s voice say.
“What brings you here.” Pandora said looking up from the girl’s hair she was braiding.
“Everyone was doing their own thing in my cabin, so I figured I’d come and hang out with you.” Regulus said which wasn’t entirely a lie.
“Well, I’m very high in demand at the moment, so you better make yourself useful.”
“What do you want me to do?” Regulus asked.
“Abby come here.” Pandora said as a girl with straight blond hair came running over.
“Brush her hair for me, so I can start braiding it when I’m done with Maya.” Pandora said.

Abby seemed suspicious of this and said “Do you even know how to brush hair?”.
“Look at his hair Abby, he knows what he’s doing.” Pandora said not looking up. Abby handed Regulus a hairbrush and sat down in front of him. Regulus remembered the days when his mother used to yank a hairbrush through his hair and hit him with it when he complained. “Tell me if I’m hurting you.” Regulus said as he gently brushed the girl’s hair.

They went on like this for a while until Regulus decided James and Sirius had enough time to talk and he would go back to his cabin. To Regulus’ surprise, the girls seemed sad when he left.

Right as Regulus walked into his cabin James grabbed his hand and dragged him outside. “What the fuck.” James said, mad.
“What.” Regulus said confused.
“I don’t talk to you so you assume something’s wrong. You just go to Sirius to tell him I’m upset! Should I start doing that to you? Oh Sirius, Regulus isn’t eating. Oh Sirius, Regulus isn’t sleeping. Oh Sirius, Regulus is clearly upset about something because he threw a fucking plate at me!”
“James I was just worried about you. You seemed upset and I didn’t know what to do.” Regulus said surprised as he had never really seen James angry. “How would you have felt if I did that to you?”
“That’s different.” Regulus said.
“Not really, you would feel the same way I feel right now. You’d be mad at me, and probably tell me to fuck off and mind my own business. So mind your own business Regulus.” James said and walked back into the cabin.

Regulus followed him back in the cabin. James didn’t seem interested in talking anymore and spent the afternoon ignoring Regulus.

*******************

On the walk to dinner, all James said was “I hope you enjoy the pasta.”. Regulus wasn’t sure if that was a jab at him for not eating but he decided to ignore it.

Sitting down at the table Regulus waited for all the boys to grab their food before grabbing some pasta for himself. Regulus moved the pasta around his plate like he usually did, hoping James would be too mad to say anything to him. Unfortunately for Regulus James was a good person, and told him if he wasn’t going to eat the pasta he should at least have some salad.

Regulus put a tiny bit of salad on his plate, and just before he was about to put a piece in his mouth he looked up to see all the boys’ teeth were green. “Boys, what did you guys do to your teeth?” Regulus asked. All the boys seemed confused until they noticed that everyone else’s teeth were green. They all looked extremely confused, and Regulus looked over to James to see he hadn’t taken any pasta like the boys had.

“James what did you do to their pasta?!”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about Regulus.” James said smiling. Regulus looked around to see that pretty much everyone in the whole camp had green teeth. Regulus didn’t think it was a coincidence that James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had all not taken pasta and opted for just salad.

Slowly the entire camp seemed to notice that everyone who had taken pasta had green teeth. At this point, Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were all laughing. McGonagall walked over to their table and said “James come with me.”. She then looked at Regulus who hadn’t eaten any of the pasta and said “Were you in on this?”
“No, I took pasta too, I just haven’t eaten any of it.” Regulus said motining to the uneaten pasta on his plate. McGonagall seemed like she was deciding if she believed him. She must have decided that she believed him, because she walked away motioning at James to follow her and went to the table Remus and Sirius were at and finished at Peter’s table.

This is when Dumbledore stood up, styling his own green teeth, and said “Everyone please go to your cabins and brush your teeth, we are told the green comes out pretty easily. For evening program I want Inters to meet on the main field, teens to meet at the docks, seniors to meet at the sports court and trainees to meet in front of the dinning hall.

Everyone got up from their seats and began to walk to their cabins. To Regulus’ surprise, most of the boys seemed to think their green teeth were pretty funny. They spent the entire walk back to the cabin joking about having Shrek teeth. Regulus didn’t think the joke made sense since Shrek had white teeth, but he also didn’t want to burst their bubble so he didn’t say anything.

Once in the cabin bathroom, Regulus helped all the boys get the green of their teeth. Part of him thought that James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were lying and it would be extremely hard to get the green out. However, to his surprise, it was actually quite easy and within 5 minutes all the boys were back to having white teeth again.

Twenty minutes later James walked into the cabin and yelled “What did you boys think of the first Marauders prank of the summer?!”. All the boys began to cheer which surprised Regulus because he wouldn’t have been impressed if the prank had worked on him. James seemed to be thinking the same thing because he said “Next time we’ll have to make sure we get you to Regulus.”.

Regulus decided he would use James’ good mood to try to make up with him “Can I talk to you outside James.”
“Sure.” James said, and Regulus followed him outside.
“James I’m sorry I told Sirius you were upset. I thought that if I told him he would make everything better and you’d be back to your normal self.”. James flinched at those last two words. “Regulus, I wish you had just talked to me yourself. It just really upset me the way you just told Sirius I was upset. Now you’ve gotten Sirius on my case and he’s going to be asking me if I’m ok for the next week. I understand that we aren’t close and I’m not saying my mental health is your responsibility, because it's not. I just wish you didn’t make it into a big thing. Also, sometimes that is my normal. I’m not always this happy person.”
“I’m sorry. I should’ve talked to you myself to make sure you’re ok. Also, I’m sorry for making you feel like you had to be this happy person all the time. I’m just really bad at comforting people. I didn’t think you’d want my comfort.”
“I want your comfort. You did a good job of comforting me yesterday after Logan. I like your comfort.”
“Okay, I’ll talk to you myself next time. Are we ok?”
“You’re weirdly hard to stay mad at.” James said smiling. Oh, and if only James knew how wrong he was.

**********************

Once James and Regulus had gotten all the green out of the boys’ teeth they headed to the main field. Evening program for the first night was something that Regulus always hated when he was a camper. It was an hour of icebreakers where you had to awkwardly talk to people you don’t know and in Regulus’ case, don’t like. James however, spent the whole walk telling the boys how fun it was, and how many cool things they would learn about their future friends.

Lucky for Regulus he didn’t have to do anything for this evening program and could just sit with Pandora and watch. All he had to do was make sure the boys had the dreaded piece of paper that said find someone who…. The best part is they can’t be in your cabin. Regulus was getting flashbacks just thinking about it.

“I don't miss this.” Regulus said as Pandora leaned her head on his shoulder.
“I thought it was fun. This evening program was the first time I ever talked to you.” James said. “Maybe that’s why I hated it so much.” Regulus said teasing James.
“Oh I know you were just waiting for me to come over to you and ask you if you spoke several languages.” James said smiling. Regulus rolled his eyes.

One of Pandora’s campers came up to Regulus and read off her paper “Regulus do you have a sibling?”
“Unfortunatly.” Regulus responded. The girl smiled and said
“I already knew that, I just needed it for my paper. I don’t think it’s unfortunate, he’s pretty cute.”. Regulus gaged dramatically as James laughed. After the girl walked away Regulus mumbled “I hate children.” and Pandora sighed as she said
“No you don’t.”.

The rest of the evening program was quite relaxing as Regulus didn’t have to do anything but talk with his friends. They spent the night reminiscing on all their years at camp and everything that was to come as counsellors. When the evening program was over Regulus and James walked the boys back to the cabin. It was Regulus’ night to be OD which basically meant he had to stay in the cabin with the campers; which he didn’t mind. Regulus read his book as the boys played cards and chatted with one another.

It was around 1 am when James came back to the cabin. “Hi.” James whispered.
“Hi.” Regulus said.
“Not tired?” James asked.
“Not really.” Regulus said, but part of that was a lie. Regulus was worried if he went to sleep he would have a nightmare again.

“I’m not tired either, want to watch something with me?”
“I’m not watching Lego Batman again.”
James smiled and said, “Don’t worry. I’ve got the perfect movie downloaded.”.

James opened his computer and Regulus expected him to turn on another movie meant for children. Regulus was shocked when the intro to Dead Poets Society started playing. “See, I listen.” James said, still smiling at Regulus.

Chapter Text

TW:

Eating Disorder (not eating)
That's all, this is a relatively light chapter

Saturday

Regulus woke up to the sound of James yelling “Everyone wake up, it’s time for breakfast!”. Regulus pulled his sheets over his head. He had only gotten about an hour of sleep last night and spent most of the night staring at the ceiling.

James must’ve noticed that Regulus was hiding under his covers because he said “Regulus it’s the last day of your youth, you have to get up.”. Since Regulus was only running on an hour of sleep it took him a minute to figure out what James was talking about. Then he remembered that on Sunday he turns 18. He wasn’t sure how James remembered that, but knowing James, it wasn’t surprising that he knew that.

“That means I have one more day to kill you with less harsh punishments Potter.”
“But you won’t.” James said dragging him out of bed.

***************

The morning was similar to the previous day. They got their schedule for the day, and James and Regulus talked as their campers did the activity. During swim, Regulus hung out with Lily and Pandora, and noticed Lily spent a lot of time staring at Mary.

The walk back to the cabin from swim was going fine until Leo tripped over the root of a tree and fell. Regulus and James ran up to him to calm him down. As any 8-year-old would after falling, he was crying.

James started to rub Leo’s back which was when all hell broke loose. Leo started to hit James “Don’t touch me!” Leo screamed. Regulus grabbed Leo’s arms so he couldn’t hit James “Let go! I hate you!” Leo screamed.
“Leo I need you to relax before I can let go.” Regulus said calmly.
“Noo! Let go of me!”
“Leo, can you tell us what’s wrong?” James asked.
“No! I hate you guys! Let me go!”
“Boys, why don’t you keep walking to the cabin and we’ll meet you there.” James said to the boys, who were standing there awkwardly watching everything going down. At this, all the boys started towards the cabin.

“Leo it’s just us now. Can you tell us what’s wrong?”. At this, Leo stopped fighting and just cried. Regulus let go, only for Leo to turn around and hug Regulus. Regulus hugged him back as Leo cried into his shoulder.

“I miss my dad.” Leo cried.
“I miss my dad too. You want to know what I do when I get sad?” James said, Leo looked at James and nodded. “I think about how he knows I’m having so much fun at camp. I see my dad a lot, but I don’t get to be at camp a lot. I know it’s hard, but let’s try and have so much fun. Then on visitors day you can tell your dad about all the fun you had here.”
“No, I want to see my dad now.” Leo cried.
“Would it help if we wrote him a letter?” Regulus asked, having no idea how to fix this.
“I want my dad here.” Leo cried.
“Would it help for you to show us the pictures you brought of your dad and you can tell us all about him. I know how much you like to tell us about him.” James said. It was true, Leo was constantly talking about his dad to pretty much anyone who would listen. “Maybe.” Leo said, wiping away his tears, but still clinging onto Regulus.

“Are you hurt?” James asked. Leo shook his head no. “That’s good. There is actually one more cabin rule we didn’t tell you boys. When you fall, you get a piggyback to wherever we’re going.”. At this, Leo smiled and said:
“I want Regulus to give me a piggyback.”.
“What are you waiting for then, hop on.” Regulus said.

As they were walking back James gave Regulus an apologetic look. Regulus didn’t mind though, he kind of liked how Leo chose him. Regulus didn’t think any of the kids would like him. He never knew what to say to them, or how to make them stop crying. He assumed James would be everyone’s favourite, because he always knew what to say; but it was clear that Regulus was Leo’s favourite. Regulus mouthed it’s fine to James, and James mouthed okay back to him.

The afternoon was less eventful than the morning. The campers did activities and Regulus and James talked while they watched the campers do sed activity. On their way to dinner, Regulus said “You didn’t do anything to the food again did you?”
James gasped and said, “Us Marauders would never repeat a prank.”
“Really, because I couldn’t tell you the amount of time Sirius thought it would be funny to throw me in the lake.” Regulus said.
“Sirius said that is the exception because it gets funnier every time.” James said laughing.
“I beg to differ.”.

At dinner, Regulus ate as little as he could get away with while James watched him. This seemed to be James’ new thing, he would watch Regulus the entire meal to make sure he was eating. Regulus fucking hated it. Regulus knew since it was his birthday tomorrow he would be forced to eat cake as well as other food. He was really pushing the smallest amount of food that he could get away with eating.

On the walk back to the cabin Leo stayed behind the group of boys with James and Regulus. “I wanted to say that I’m sorry that I told you guys I hated you, and I’m sorry I hit you James.” Leo said, looking extremely apologetic.
“It’s okay Leo, we all get upset sometimes.” James said.
“No, it’s not okay. My dad says it’s not okay to hit people, and that I have to use kind words. I didn’t do that.” Leo said, looking sad.
“Your dad is right, but nobody is perfect. Sometimes we make mistakes, but as long as we understand our mistake and apologize for it everything is okay.” Regulus said.
“You promise?”
“Yes.”. Leo smiled and hugged both James
and Regulus before going to join Ethan and Andrew.

That night for the evening program it was a picture scavenger hunt which meant they had to run all over camp and take pictures with things. Unfortunately, Regulus had to participate in this one.

Regulus found the varying amounts of enthusiasm very funny. Some kids such as Levi, Aron, Lucas and Jackson seemed very excited to run around the whole camp. Some kids such as Mateo, Elijah, Caleb and Owen seemed indifferent about it. Some kids such Leo, Ethan and Mateo seemed to be in the same boat as Regulus and did not want to spend the next hour running around the camp. James however, seemed to be the most excited out of all of them.

Excitedly James read out the first clue “Where I go to ski when there is no snow.”. Regulus forgot how easy these clues were. “Water ski!” a bunch of the boys yelled and took off towards the water ski docks.

Already out of breath Regulus arrived at the ski docks with the rest of his cabin. There he saw Sirius smiling at him “Did you come for a photo with your big brother Reggie.”
“Not willingly.” Regulus responded.
“I did.” James said.
“At least someone appreciates me.” Sirius said dramatically.
“Let’s just take the photo.”
“Everyone get in.” James said holding up his phone to take the picture.

Right before James took the picture Sirius messed up Regulus’ hair. Regulus shoved him. “That’s no way to treat your older brother. Respect your elders Reggie.”
“Just give us the clue.”
“What do you say.”
“I hate you.”
“No, you say please. I think you need to go back to those manner lessons mother made us take as kids.

Regulus grabbed the clue from Sirius’ hand and read out: “I’m very artistic.” and thought to himself, these campers aren’t that dumb, they could make these a little harder. “Arts and Crafts!” the boys yelled and started running. Regulus once again broke into a run and followed the boys.

Evan was standing outside the arts and crafts building and smiled when Regulus finally arrived “We’ve been waiting for you Reg.”.
“Just give us the clue.”
“Come get it.” Evan said holding it up above his head. Regulus walked over and tried to grab the piece of paper from Evan’s hand. Finding the paper still out of reach, Regulus stood on his tiptoes in an attempt to get the paper. “You’re so close, if only you weren’t so short.” Evan said dangling the clue above Regulus’ head as the boys laughed.

Regulus had decided he had enough of Evan’s games and started to tickle him. “No!” Evan screamed laughing as he hunched over trying to get away from Regulus’ hands. Regulus grabbed the clue and read “I am where the big boat sleeps.” and sighed, at this point they were just giving it away.

However the boys seemed confused, and then Regulus remembered this was only their second day at camp and they probably didn’t know that the big boat was located at the point. “There’s a really big boat at the point, should we try there?.” James not so subtly hinted to the boys. All the boys nodded as James lifted up his phone to take another photo “Everyone in.”. Just as James snapped the photo Evan started to tickle Regulus. Regulus flipped him off and followed the boys to the point.

Down at the point James practically jumped into Remus’ arms yelling “Moony can we please have the next hint?” Remus handed James a piece of paper and as James turned around he saw all the boys staring at him in confusion. “Oh, boys this is Moony. He is a fellow Marauder.” James said seeming to think that explained everything.

The night went on and Regulus continued to run after the boys going where the next clue told them to go. Somehow they seemed to be making good time and were one of the first cabins to each location. The farther they got the more everyone was determined to win, even Regulus.

On their final stop, which was at the tennis courts they were told to go back to the main field and show McGonagall all their pictures. Just as they were approaching main field they saw Pandora and Lily’s cabin a little bit in front of them and running back to McGonagall. “They’re going to win!” Owen said.
“Somebody stop them!” Aaron yelled.

Regulus didn’t exactly know what came over him at this moment, but he saw Pandora with her phone out and figured she had all their pictures on it. Regulus ran as fast as he could and tackled Pandora to the ground. “No!” Pandora yelled, laughing. Regulus tried to grab her phone from her hand but before he could Pandora threw it yelling “Lily, take it and go.”. Lily caught Pandora’s phone and booked it towards McGonagall.

“You’re so mean.” Pandora said to Regulus as he helped her up.
“My cabin was counting on me.” Regulus said laughing and walking with Pandora towards McGonagall.

Lily had gotten Pandora’s phone to McGonagall before anyone could stop her and therefore won, putting Regulus’ cabin in second. However, the boys didn’t seem too upset about it when they realized that everyone got a popsicle after, no matter how they placed in the photo scavenger hunt.

James took the boys back to the cabin since it was his night to OD. Regulus, Pandora, Barty, Evan and Dorcas decided to spend the night on the boat down at the point. Once again, they weren’t technically allowed to do this but they all knew Dumbledore didn’t care enough to stop them.

At midnight Pandora came up from behind Regulus and put a cone-shaped party hat on him yelling “Happy birthday.”. All Regulus friends grabbed a confetti popper out of their pockets and set them off. This led to all his friends singing Happy Birthday. After this, his friends all gave him the gifts they had gotten for him. Most of these gifts were books. Barty however, gave him a gift card to a tattoo parlor since he was “Of legal age now”. Regulus acted like he hated it, but in reality, it really touched him that his friends were making such a big deal out of him.

*************

When Regulus walked into his cabin he saw James’ face light up. “Happy birthday.” he whispered, so as to not wake the boys up.
“Thank you.” Regulus said.
“I got you something.”
“James, you really didn’t have to.” Regulus said as James grabbed a box from under the bed and handed it to Regulus.

Regulus took the card off the box and read it. The writing that came on the card said: Happy birthday, I hope your day is filled with presents and fun. Underneath was James’ messy handwriting, it read: Happy birthday Regulus. I know we don’t know each other well, but I am really hoping to change that this summer. I hope you have the best 18th birthday ever. Here’s a little gift card in case you don’t like your gift. Inside the card was a $50 gift card to the local bookstore in the town just outside the camp.

Regulus looked down at the box and whispered “James you didn’t have to get me a gift card and something else.”
“Ya I did, in case you hated the original gift.”. Regulus opened the box to see several things. On the top was what looked like a poetry book as well as a Stephen King book. Underneath was a huge dark green hoodie. “I asked Pandora what kind of books you like, and she said you read a lot of poetry and scary books. There’s a gift receipt if you already have those books or want to exchange them.” James said after Regulus picked up the books.

Regulus hadn’t read either of them, and even if he had he would never return them. Something about the effort that James went into asking what books to get him, and going out to get the books was so much more special to Regulus than what the actual books were. Regulus then picked up the huge hoodie “I saw that you are always wearing that really big black hoodie, so I figured you might want a second one if you have to wash the black one, but there is a gift receipt in there if you hate it.” James said.
“I love it James.” Regulus said before he could stop himself.

James had been right, Regulus did wear that oversized black hoodie a lot. In fact, he wore it whenever he wasn’t wearing his binder. It helped a lot with the gender dysphoria he felt. The hoodie was soft and warm and Regulus put it on straight away. “Thank you James, you really didn’t have to get me anything.”
“Of course I did.”
“Wait, when did you get this stuff?”
“Oh, one of the nights in pre-camp.” James said. Regulus was glad it was dark because he was definitely blushing. He didn’t realize that James knew when his birthday was, and was even more surprised that he dedicated a night to getting him a gift. “Thank you James.”
“You’re welcome.”

Sunday

Regulus woke up to an entire choir singing Happy Birthday. Not only were his campers standing around his bed, but somehow Sirius was there too. Before Regulus could even sit up, Sirius was putting a party hat on his head. Regulus rubbed his eyes as he slowly sat up.

Sirius revealed a present from behind his back and placed it on Regulus’ lap. “Is it going to blow up in my face again?” Regulus asked, remembering the last time his brother had given him a present and the second he opened the box it exploded. “My dear brother how could you ever accuse me of repeating a prank.” Sirius said holding a hand to his chest. Regulus looked up at James who had said the exact same thing the previous day and said “The two of you are way too similar.”.

Regulus tensed as he opened the box, still not fully believing that Sirius didn’t do something to it. When nothing happened Regulus looked inside the box to see a Kindle. “Thank you Sirius.”
“That’s not all.” Sirius said handing him some sort of package.
“Is this one going to blow up in my face?”
“Just open it.”

Regulus obliged, once he pulled the package open, he saw a case with Sirius’ face on it. “I’m not putting this on the Kindle.” Regulus said immediately.
“You have to, or I’ll return the Kindle.”
“I can’t believe you spent money on this case.”
“But my dear Regulus, that is the best part of being a Black, you have too much money you don’t know what to do with it.”
“You’re an idiot.” Regulus said and then got an idea.

“Does anyone have a Sharpie?” Regulus asked. Leo ran to his bunk to get a Sharpie as if it were a competition he was determined to win. “Thank you Leo.” Regulus said, and Leo smiled at his praise. Regulus uncapped the sharpie and drew a mustache and unibrow on the picture of Sirius “There, now it’ll look great on my new Kindle.”.

James as well as their campers burst out laughing. Sirius however, grabbed Regulus in a headlock and messed up his hair. Regulus tried to push him off but Sirius wasn’t stopping. Regulus elbowed him in the stomach which seemed to do the trick. “Alright you two, let’s go to breakfast.” James said grabbing Sirius’ arm and stopping him from attacking Regulus.

On the walk to the dinning hall, Leo came up beside Regulus and said “I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift, I didn’t know you’re birthday happened at camp.”
“Leo, you didn’t even know who your counsellors were before you got here, you aren’t expected to bring me a gift.”
“But I like giving people gifts. At home, my dad always comes home with gifts for me and my mom. He says that giving gifts is one million times better than receiving them and I should always be prepared with a gift.” Leo said, sounding sad.
“I’m sure if your dad was here he would tell you this is an exception.”
“Probably not.”
“It’s really ok Leo.” Leo didn’t say anything to this, and the rest of the walk to the dinning hall was silent.

*****************

At breakfast, James made a big deal of getting everything for Regulus and told him he was not to get up for anything. Sirius also decided to sit at their table “in honour of Regulus’ special day”. James placed a large piece of French Toast in front of Regulus and got him some tea.

“Reggie, have you checked your bank app, you get your inheritance today.” Sirius said pouring a generous amount of maple syrup on his French Toast. “No, I’ll wait for mom and dad to call first, they’ll probably tell me to put it into savings or something.”
“Ok, just don’t spend your 18th birthday waiting for a phone call from them.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, I just want you to have fun and mum and dad are tend to have a way of ruining things.”
“They’re going to call me.” Regulus said, reading between the lines and remembering a few years ago when his parents forgot to call him. It wasn’t their fault though, they had a lot going on. “I never said they weren’t.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”

Sirius spent the rest of breakfast becoming fast friends with Lucas who apparently also had a younger brother. Of course, this meant they had to complain about their little brothers.

Sundays were known as open open days at camp. This meant that nobody got a schedule and the campers could go to any activity they wanted.

On the way back to the cabin James explained that typically inters counsellors were supposed to join some of the kids in the activities. “But if you want to do your own thing I won’t say anything.” James finished. Regulus gasped and said, “I thought the campers were our top priority, I can’t be slacking off.” James laughed.
“I’ll let you get away with it this one time.”
“It’s fine, I’m happy to hang out with them.”.

Back at the cabin Leo grabbed James’ hand and said “James will you come with me to arts and crafts today?”
“Of course bud. Anyone else want to come with us?” James asked to which a few boys responded yes. Regulus found out Owen and Andrew really wanted to go on a sailboat; and Regulus decided he would go with them since the sailboats were down at the point, and he could probably convince Dorcas to take them. “Everyone put on sunscreen.” Regulus announced before leaving to the point.

*****************

Down at the point, Regulus was pleasantly surprised to see Pandora there with a few of her campers. “Regulus, we’re going to force Dorcas to take us on a sailboat, what are you boys going to do?”
“We were going to go sailing too?”
“Perfect, join us and we’ll have enough people.”. Regulus watched as Owen and Andrew grumbled something about cooties, but followed anyway.

It didn’t take much convincing for Dorcas to abandon Remus with a bunch of screaming kids and take them out on a sailboat. According to Dorcas, it was a great day to sail because there was just the right amount of wind. Regulus took her word for it as he knew nothing about sailing.

Once they were out in the water Pandora rested her head on Regulus’ lap. “Is she your girlfriend?” Andrew asked.
“No.” both Regulus and Pandora said at the same time.
“Is Dorcas your girlfriend then?” Owen asked as if Pandora and Dorcas were the only two options. “Regulus isn’t my type.” Dorcas said.
“What is your type?” one of Pandora’s campers asked.
“Women.”
“Pandora is a woman.” the other one of Pandora’s campers said.
“We’ve talked about this Amy, I have a boyfriend already.” Pandora said.
“I still don’t think he’s real. I’ve never met anyone named Xenophilius.” the girl who must have been Amy said and both Regulus and Dorcas burst out laughing. Pandora sighed, seeming to know this was a discussion she wasn’t winning.

Once they were a bit farther out Dorcas said “Ok you guys can jump off the boat and swim for a bit if you want, but you have to tie one of these ropes to your lifejackets since there is no anchor on this boat.”. Without missing a beat, the kids grabbed a rope, tied it to their lifejacket and promptly jumped into the lake.

Pandora sat up and shoved Regulus, but did it light enough that he wouldn’t actually fall in the lake. “Don’t even try that.” Regulus said grabbing her and holding her right at the edge of the boat. Regulus suddenly felt a hand from behind him push him, and both he and Pandora plummeted into the lake.

Although it was hot out, the water was ice cold. “Dorcas!” Regulus yelled.
“You were right on the edge, you were practically asking me to do that.”

As Pandora climbed back on the boat Dorcas said “You can’t throw me in, someone needs to sail the boat.”.
“That’s ok.” Pandora said giving Dorcas a big wet hug. Regulus got back on the boat and joined Pandora.

****************

Regulus returned to the cabin with Owen and Andrew 15 minutes before lunch started so they could change. The entire walk back Owen and Andrew told Regulus all about the different bugs they had seen since they got to camp. Before Regulus could go in the cabin with the boys Levi stopped him “Regulus you can’t go in yet.”
“Why not?”
“Um. I. You just can’t.”
“Did someone break something, I promise I won’t be mad.” Regulus said remembering the fear he felt as a young kid when he broke something in the house. “No everything’s fine, it’s just the surprise isn’t ready.”
“What surprise.”
“Oh, um there isn’t a surprise. Forget I said that.” Levi said, Regulus admired how bad kids were at lying.

“Okay.” Regulus said sitting down on the steps in front of the cabin. If he was being honest his head was killing him. It had been fine when he woke up but slowly throughout the morning, it had been getting worse and worse. Regulus didn’t mind taking a minute to just sit.

Five minutes of Levi telling Regulus all about his favourite superheroes later there was a knock from inside the cabin “Ok this was nice, we should go back in the cabin.” Levi said, not so subtly.

When Regulus walked into the cabin everyone threw confetti at him and yelled “Happy Birthday Regulus!”. Regulus smiled and said:
“Thank you boys, you guys didn’t have to do all this.”. The cabin had hand-cut letters hanging that read/; Happy Birthday Regulus and the floor was covered in balloons. “We couldn’t get everyone here before you got here because we only planned this an hour ago.” Caleb said.
“That’s ok, this is pretty good for an hour of work.” Regulus said looking at James.

“It was all Leo. He wanted to go to arts and crafts to get stuff to decorate the cabin with.” James said.
“I also made a gift for you. It’s from all of us though not just me.” Leo said handing him what seemed to be two pieces of fabric sewed together with some stuffing in it and a face drawn on it. “Thank you.” Regulus said, and he really meant it. He had not expected all this. All the boys, including James, ran up to hug Regulus.

This was when they realized that lunch started in 5 minutes. Regulus, Owen and Andrew scrambled to get changed out of their bathing suits, and then as a cabin, they all ran to the dinning hall. They got there as the last few people were going inside.

Regulus had actually had a pretty good morning. Often for Regulus the better his mental state was and the more in control he felt, the better his eating habits were. This wasn’t to say they were ever perfect, as Regulus knew all too well, one good day couldn’t cure you. Regulus was only able to eat the lettuce from his salad before stopping and refusing to eat anything else.

Back at the cabin Regulus took his last Advil for his head and tried to take a nap. He made a mental reminder to get more on his day off. This was considerably harder than it was during pre-camp as there were 12 boys yelling their heads off. However, after some Mellitonin Regulus was able to fall asleep.

***************

Regulus woke up to the sound of the door opening and the lights turning on. “Sorry, we didn’t mean to wake you up.” James said walking back into the cabin with Lucas, Elijah and Jackson. Regulus sat up immediately, he had figured James would wake him up when it was time to go to activities. Then he realized that it was James he was relying on, and James struck Regulus as the kind of person to let you sleep.

“I didn’t mean to sleep through activities.” Regulus said, apologetically.
“Don’t worry about it. Are you doing okay though?”
“Mhm, why?”
“Just making sure.”.

Regulus looked at the time on his phone to see if either of his parents had called while he was sleeping. They didn’t. Regulus flopped back down on his bed. “Don’t go back to sleep. Dinner is in 20 minutes.” James said.
“Can’t I just sleep through dinner?”
“Nope.”.

Fifteen minutes later Regulus was still lying in his bed. “Regulus if you don’t get out of bed I’ll carry you to dinner.”. Regulus sat up and got out of bed.

On the walk to the dinning hall Regulus said “Prepare me, how bad did Sirius make the cake this year?”. If your birthday took place at camp there were 2 options when it came to a birthday cake. Either the kitchen would make you a typical cake that said Happy Birthday with your name on it. The other option is someone could bring in a cake for you. Last year Sirius had taken it upon himself to get Regulus a cake that had a picture of him after he had faceplanted in the mud. Which was Sirius’ fault because Sirius was the one who tripped him. “I’ve been told not to say anything.” James laughed.

“Is it worse than last year’s?”. James motioned sealing his lips shut and threw away an imaginary key. “The two of you are insufferable.” Regulus said, and he had a feeling that the picture on the cake would in fact be worse than last year’s.

The suspense of what was on the cake led on through dinner, where Regulus once again didn’t eat much. When it was time for the grand reveal Regulus was unfortunately right, the cake was a lot worse than last year’s.

Regulus stared right at the picture of him passed out, on his forehead were the words Can’t touch this. Regulus looked up at Sirius and flipped him off. Sirius ignored this and wrapped his arms around him. “No, let go. I know what you’re going to do.” Regulus said trying to push Sirius off. For the past few years, Sirius had always found a way to shove Regulus’ face into the cake, but Regulus wasn’t having it this year. “Whatever do you mean dear brother of mine?”
“You know exactly what I mean. You can sit at the other end of the table until the cake is gone.”. Sirius sighed dramatically, but to Regulus’ surprise, he obliged.

From behind him, Pandora put in the two numbered candles so it made 18. She lit the two candles and everyone started to sing. Regulus hated this part of his birthday most of all. What are you supposed to do when everyone is singing? It’s so awkward. He is convinced that the people who created this tradition did it just to make the person whose birthday it is feel painfully awkward.

Once everyone was done singing Regulus blew out the candles. His wish might seem childish, but he didn’t care. He really wanted his parents to call him and wish him a happy birthday.

James took the two candles out of the cake and sat down beside him. Regulus looked over to Sirius who was laughing. “No.” Regulus pushed James away. James smiled and said “You know, I never understood why the person whose birthday it is gets cake in their face.”
“Probably because they have bad friends.” Regulus backed away, he didn’t trust James not to try something. Instead, James laughed “Probably.” he agreed “The person whose birthday it is should get to shove cake into their friends’ faces.”
“Yes.” Regulus agreed.

James took his glasses off and put them on the table. “You can shove my face into the cake.” James said when Regulus didn’t move.
“Why? What’s in it for you?” Regulus still didn’t trust James.
“Your friendship and a good rest of the summer.” James answered.

Regulus waited for James to laugh and then shove his head into the cake, but he didn’t. James just waited. Regulus put his hand on the back of James’ head “Are you sure?” he asked.
“Yes.” James replied, and Regulus shoved his head into the cake.

When James lifted his head, he was laughing. All the boys started to laugh as well. “I want a turn.” called Levi. Regulus looked to James, this was definitely more than James had signed up for. Instead, James said “Alright, whoever wants to can line up and shove my face in the cake.” The boys scrambled to line up. James let them all grab a chunk of the cake and shove it in his face. That was when Regulus knew that James was the better counsellor.

Once Ethan, who was the last one in line, had pushed James’ face into the cake Regulus thought it was over. That was until Sirius grabbed him from behind “You thought you were safe.” he laughed.
“No!” Regulus yelled as he struggled against Sirius’ grip, but he knew it was no use. He knew Sirius was going to win.

Sirius grabbed a generous chunk of the cake that was left and shoved it in Regulus’ face, but that didn’t seem to be enough for him. He also spread it all across Regulus’ hair. “I hate you.” Regulus said as he blinked the icing out of his eyes.
“I love you too.” Sirius said as he hugged Regulus.

Regulus turned to James and asked “Do you also want a turn.”
“I mean, if you insist.” James laughed as he grabbed a much smaller amount of cake than Sirius and pushed it into Regulus’ face.

To Regulus’ surprise, he laughed as he grabbed another piece of cake and shoved it in James’ face. The next thing James grabbed a handful of cake and rubbed cake all over his head. At this point, there was cake everywhere.

James decided to take it one step further and tackled Regulus to the ground, pinning his arms down. He grabbed a cake from Regulus’ hair and shoved it in his face.

After that he had the audacity to say: “Truce.” and offered out his hand to help Regulus up. Regulus got up and tackled James to the ground, shoving more cake in his face. “Now we can have a truce.” Regulus said after having the last word.

******************

After showering and evening program Regulus had the rest of the night to hang out with his friends since he didn’t have to OD. After checking his phone for a call from his parents for what felt like the millionth Regulus sighed and pocketed his phone.

“It seems like James is growing on you.” Pandora said.
“What do you mean?”
“During pre-camp you were throwing plates at him because he brought you dinner. Today you let him shove cake in your face.”
“I retaliated!” Regulus argued
“Ya, you shoved a little bit of cake in his face. That is a lot less drastic than throwing a plate of food at him.” Evan added.
“I’ve had enough of this.”
“You likeeee James now.” Barty said teasingly.
“James Potter is Regulus approved.” Dorcas added.
“You guys need to stop.”
“I’m just saying, it looks like you’re becoming friends.” Pandora said.
“We’re not friends.”
“Sure.” They all responded.

The rest of the night went on with no call from his parents and his friends teasing him about his newfound tolerance for James Potter.

Chapter Text

TW:
Eating disorder (not as bad as previous chapters)
Mentions of past sh
Transphobia
Throwing up? (Idk I have a friend who doesn't want to hear about throwing up so I guess be ready)

****
When ***** appears in a conversation it is Regulus being deadnamed. I didn't want to write a deadname in because that felt wrong so...
Also, I used Google Translate for the French so sorry if the French is off (the translations are right beside the sentence because there is an entire fight happening in french and it's kind of important so I didn't want to put the translations in the end notes
****

Week 2:

Monday

The moment Regulus woke up he felt a sharp pain in his head. He pulled his covers over his head and closed his eyes. “Regulus, you’ve got to get up.” James says, pulling down his covers. He then seemed to notice something was wrong. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Regulus I can tell by the look on your face that something is wrong.”
“Everything’s fine, my head just hurts.”
“Do you want me to bring you back breakfast?” James asked. Regulus wanted to say no just to argue with James, but he really didn’t want to get up and go to breakfast. “Yes.”.
“Okay. We’ll be back soon.”

It seemed like only seconds between James and the boys leaving for breakfast and them getting back. James walked over to Regulus’ bed and placed a stack of pancakes down beside his bed. “Are you feeling any better?”
“Yes.” Regulus lied and then said, “Sorry I left you alone with the boys.”
“Don’t worry about it. Can I do anything else for you?”
“No.”
“Okay, let me know if there’s something I can do.”.

Regulus sat up slowly, knowing his head was going to have a field day. As he sat up he noticed that there was blood all over his pants and sheets. Fuck. Regulus contemplated what to do. He really didn’t want to get up and walk to the bathroom in from of everyone, but he also didn’t have a tampon or a fresh pair of pants near him.

“James, what’s our first activity?”
“Archery.”
“Do you mind if I meet you guys there? I just really need to lay down for a bit more.”
“Ya of course. If it’s that bad you don’t have to come.”
“No, I’ll come. I just need a bit more time.”
“Okay.”.

Regulus waited until everyone was out of the cabin to get out of his bed and go to the bathroom. Once he was dressed he stripped his bed and rinsed his sheets, as their laundry day wasn’t for another 5 days and they would definitely stain if he just threw them in his laundry bag. He did the same for his pyjama pants. Before leaving, Regulus put a fresh pair of sheets on his bed and threw out the uneaten pancakes, making sure they weren’t visible in the garbage.

All of this, Regulus did extremely slowly as his head was still killing him. The walk to archery took twice as long because he kept having to sit down. When he finally arrived James smiled at him and patted the seat next to him.

“Mateo is surprisingly good at this.” James said breaking the silence.
“I won’t get on his bad side.” Regulus said unenthusiastically.
“You look really pale.” James said sounding concerned.
“I always look pale.”
“No, you look more pale than usual.”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus said firmly. For the rest of the period, neither James nor Regulus spoke a word.

By the time they were back at the cabin to change for swim Regulus’ cramps were almost as bad as his head. James stared at Regulus’ bed for a full 5 minutes before asking “Did you change your sheets?”.
“Ya, I dropped the plate of pancakes on my bed so I had to change them.” Regulus lied. “Oh yes, the one and only Regulus Black can’t sleep with crumbs in his bed.”. Regulus flipped him off as he sat down on his bed.

Once had changed and they were about to leave Regulus asked “Everyone is wearing sunscreen right?”. All the boys looked at each other. “Is anyone wearing sunscreen?”. The boys continued to look at each other. “Everyone go outside and put sunscreen on right now.”.

“I don’t like wearing sunscreen.” Logan argued.
“I don’t like a lot of things in life, yet I still have to deal with them.” Regulus said.
“I’m not putting on sunscreen.”
“Yes you are.” Regulus said; remembering how when he was younger his mom would make him stand outside all day with no sunscreen as punishment. She often did it when she was a little bit annoyed about something Regulus had done, and she would say “Now you know what it’s like to be stuck with something as intolerable as yourself.”

“Logan I’m not arguing with you, put on sunscreen.”
“Actually you are arguing with me.”. Logan retorted. Regulus fucking hated kids.
“Logan can you please just listen to Regulus.” James chimed in.
“No.”
“Is there a reason you despise sunscreen so much?” James asked.
“It’s too much work to put on, and it’s not cool.”.

Regulus squirted some sunscreen into his hand and started applying it on Logan. Logan tried to pull away but Regulus grabbed onto his wrist so he couldn’t. “Hey, don’t hit Regulus.” James said after Logan started hitting him. Regulus didn’t care, he kept going.

“I’m almost done. I just need to do your face.”
“No!” Logan yelled squirming around. After a while, Regulus managed to get sunscreen on Logan’s face. “You’re the meanest counsellor ever!”
“That’s fine.” Regulus said at the same time James said
“Hey, that isn’t very nice. You should apologize to Regulus.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“James it’s fine. Is everyone ready?”. All the boys nodded. “Okay, let’s go.”.

On the walk down to the docs James said “I’m really trying not to hate that kid.”.
“You know it’s bad when James Potter doesn’t like you.” Regulus joked halfheartedly.

When Regulus saw Pandora he practically collapsed in her arms. Pandora was one of the only people in this world that Regulus was affectionate with. He couldn’t explain it, but Pandora was the only person he felt safe being vulnerable around. They had a bond between them that words couldn’t do justice to.

“What hurts?” Pandora asked as she held him. This was Pandora’s way of asking Regulus what was wrong. Leaving it open for him to lie and say something simple like he had a headache. What Pandora was really asking was what’s wrong? She gives Regulus a way out, because she knows he rarely wants to talk about it, especially in front of other people.

“A lot.” Regulus said.
“Let’s sit down.” Pandora said, helping Regulus to the ground. Pandora looked up at James and said “Is this you’re fault?”
“No.” Regulus said quietly.
“Do you want to talk about it.”
“No.”
“Do you want to close your eyes for a bit?”
“Yes.” Regulus said, closing his eyes and resting his head in Pandora’s lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. What felt like seconds later Pandora was waking Regulus up and swim was over.

*****************

To add to Regulus’ list of things going terribly, he was now feeling nauseous. However, Pandora didn’t seem to care about this fact when she forced him he had to eat lunch. “If you’re going to throw up either way you might as well eat something.” Pandora said, and proceeded to sit there until he ate what she decided was an adequate amount.

When they got back from lunch Regulus went straight to his bed and went to sleep.

He woke up to James yelling “Logan no!” and something cold being squirted on his head. “You have to wear sunscreen Regulus.” Logan said and continued to squirt what Regulus could only assume was sunscreen on him, getting it all over his bed, hair and clothes.

Regulus wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep. He didn’t care that there was sunscreen everywhere. He was in so much pain. His head hurt. His stomach hurt. He was so nauseous.

However, Regulus knew that it would be a lot worse if he went back to sleep like that. He got up and went over to the sink at the back of the cabin. He didn’t have the energy to shower. After turning the sink on Regulus stuck his head under the running water.

Just as he went to run his hands through his hair he heard James say, “Let me help you.” and felt his hands in his hair. Regulus stood like that for about 5 seconds before running to the toilet and throwing up.

He felt James’ hand rubbing his back as he said “Ok, get it all out.”. There was sunscreen running down Regulus’ face and falling into the toilet. It was another 20 seconds before Regulus threw up again “Ok, just breathe.” James said.

Once Regulus was sure he was done throwing up he flushed the toilet and flopped down on the floor. Regulus did this a lot when he felt like shit. The floor was just such a comforting place. It felt both shitty and soothing at the same time. Shitty because the bathroom floor was often not somewhere you wanted to be putting your face, and soothing because it was cold and it felt like you couldn’t do worse than the floor. It was rock bottom.

“Nope.” James said lifting him off the floor.
“Nooo.” Regulus said going limp in James’ arms.
“Regulus I’m not leaving you on the bathroom floor with sunscreen in your hair. I’m a better friend than that.” James said as he walked Regulus back over to the sink.

James washed the rest of the sunscreen out of Regulus’ hair and handed him a clean shirt. “Put this on.” and left, giving Regulus privacy to change.

When Regulus walked back over to his bed he saw that James had changed his sheets. “You should lie down, I put my extra set of sheets on your bed.”. Regulus flopped onto the sheets that smelt like James Potter. “Regulus, I think you should lie down for the rest of the day.”.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, it’s not your fault.” James said and Regulus fell asleep.

Regulus slept through the rest of the afternoon, dinner and evening program.

Tuesday

Regulus covered his head with his pillow when he heard James trying to wake everyone up. James took the pillow from Regulus and asked “Are you feeling any better today?”
“Ya.” Regulus said, and thankfully it’s not a lie.
“Then get up.” James says hitting Regulus with his pillow.

Regulus slowly sat up. James offered his hand to help Regulus up, and Regulus does what is basically tradition at this point; he ignored James’ hand.

On the walk to the dinning hall, James said: “So there was a staff meeting yesterday.”
“Shit. How mad is Dumbledore?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. He actually didn’t say anything about you not being there. Anyway, tonight is the wake-up. I think this could be great potential for our first prank.”
“Of course you do.” Regulus said rolling his eyes.

The wake-up was something that traditionally happened during the first couple weeks of the summer. It was where the counsellors run into the cabin and stage this big dramatic scene. It happens 10 minutes after the campers are told to go to sleep. The first time it’s really surprising, then it gets very obvious.

“I was thinking we pretend to get into a big fight about who’s better at juggling or something dumb like that.”
“That’s the best you can come up with? I thought you were supposed to be a master prankster or whatever it is my brother says.”
“I am a master prankster, the point is that it’s supposed to be dumb. I’ll let throw a drink in my face for effect if it’ll persuade you.” Regulus laughed.
“Why?”
“For dramatic effect, also I thought it’d be funny if one of us did that, and I figured you weren’t going to let me throw a drink in your face.”
“I mean, I’m not going to argue with you about that.”
“Great! Our first prank on the boys!” James said hugging Regulus. Regulus rolled his eyes, but he didn’t push James away.

“Oh, also Dumbledore wanted to know what day everyone wanted off or he was going to pick the day himself. I’m going to take Thursday off as long as you’re okay with that. Pandora, Evan, Barty and Dorcas decided they would take Saturday off and put you down for Saturday as well.” James said letting go of Regulus.
“How do you know what day my friends are taking off?”
“I asked them, so I could put you down for that day too, but then they told me they already did.”
“You didn’t have to do that. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” James smiled.

**************

One would have thought Regulus had been missing for a year with the way his friends ran over to him when they saw him. It started with Pandora; Regulus practically fell out of his chair when she came running at him to hug him. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes.”
“James thought you were hungover.” Pandora said, and at this, James looked up with a panicked expression. “No I didn’t!”
“Then why did you ask me if he was hungover when we were at the staff meeting?” Pandora said teasingly. The table was dead silent, as the boys listened in.

“I- I was just asking to make sure.”
“You were hungover Reg, and you didn’t invite me.” Regulus heard from behind him and when he turned around he saw Barty and Evan. “I was not hung over!” Regulus said.
“I think we should take a vote.” Barty said looking around at the Regulus and James’ campers “Who thinks Regulus was hungover, raise your hand.”. About half the boys raised their hand.

“Don’t you have your own campers to bother?” Regulus said trying to push Barty away. “We came to make sure you were okay.” Evan said, looking directly at Barty.
“I’m fine.”
“You always say that.” Dorcas said from behind him.
“It never ends.” Regulus said, mostly to himself.
“Friendship has no end.” Barty said, wrapping Regulus in an obnoxious hug.
“I hate you all.” Regulus said, trying to break free from Barty’s hug.
“It’s ok, we love you unconditionally.” Barty said, refusing to let go.

Regulus elbowed Batry in the stomach, finally causing him to let go. Barty shoved his head lightly. “Alright, I guess we’ll take our unconditional love elsewhere. Maybe they will appreciate it.” Barty said and dramatically walked away. Dorcas and Evan followed. Right before Pandora left she said “Don’t forget to eat.”.

Regulus rolled his eyes and moved his oatmeal around. When nobody was looking, Regulus dumped the oatmeal in the garbage, and placed the empty bowl in front of him.

Once breakfast was over they grabbed their schedule for the day and began to walk back to the cabin. “I didn’t really think you were hungover. I just wanted to rule it out.” James said, looking apologetic.
“It’s ok James, they’re assholes. Pandora is the most dangerous of them all, she does it with such an innocent face. She makes you second guess if she’s being genuine or messing with you. I hate them all.”. James laughed and said:
“I’m glad you have a good support system.”.

It was silent for a moment, and then James said “So is what happened yesterday a common occurrence?”
“Sometimes.”
“I’m just asking because when I told Pandora what happened she didn’t seem surprised.”
“It’s because she already knows everything about me. It’s scary.” Regulus said, hoping James would drop it.

They continued to walk until out of nowhere Regulus felt someone jump up on his back. “Reggie you’re alive. I thought I lost you.” Sirius cried out dramatically.
“Fuck off.” Regulus said as Sirius hopped off his back.
“You were on death’s door, I was so worried.” Sirius said wiping away a fake tear.
“Good thing you don’t need to worry anymore.”
“Oh, but dear brother I do need to worry.”
“No you don’t.”
“I must worry, my baby brother is turning into a pepperoni pizza.”. At this, Regulus turned around and shoved Sirius hard enough for him to fall over. “You’re such an arse!” Regulus said and stormed off.

Sirius wasn’t technically wrong. Regulus often broke out when he was on his period. Which just made his period that much more enjoyable. The annoying part was he couldn’t stop it from happening. No matter how many times he washed his face or what products he used, he couldn’t stop his face from breaking out.

Of course, Sirius had to point that out, because he was just so perfect. Sirius was everything Regulus wasn’t, and his existence was a constant reminder of that. Sirius could walk around with no shirt. Sirius had a natural deep voice. Sirius didn’t get a period. Sirius was born with everything Regulus had to fight so hard to be. Sirius was born with everything Regulus would probably never have. When it comes to the son of Walburga and Orion Black, Sirius is the one that comes to mind. Regulus is lucky to even be considered an afterthought.

******************

Back at the cabin, Regulus washed his face for what felt like the millionth time. When he looked up, he saw James in the bathroom mirror. “You look fine, he was just being a dick.”
“I don’t need you to console me.” Regulus said, drying his face and walking away.
“He didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I don’t think he realized it was something you’re insecure about.” James said following him.
“I’m not insecure about it.”
“Good, because you shouldn’t be.”
“Great.” Regulus said grabbing his black oversized sweater and putting it on.

“Boys hurry up, we have to be at the rock climbing wall in 20 minutes.” Regulus said, as he grabbed everything he needed and headed to the bathroom. Regulus didn’t look down at his body once as he got changed and put in a tampon. He didn't look in the mirror as he brushed his teeth. He didn’t look at what must have been a very concerned look on James’ face as he silently grabbed sunscreen and began to put it on.

“Regulus it’s really hot out.” James said, motioning to Regulus’ sweater.
“You’re not the one wearing it, I don’t see why it would bother you.” Regulus said as he tied Leo’s shoes for him.

The walk to the rock wall was silent. Regulus could tell James wanted to say something but was holding back. Regulus also didn’t care. It wasn’t any of his business what he and Sirius fought about. Especially as an only child who knows nothing about what it’s like to have siblings.

James and Regulus sat in silence as they watched the boys take turns climbing the rock walls. Regulus was surprised to see that Andrew was quite good at it, and made it to the top of most of the walls. He had a very calculated essence to him when he was climbing. He seemed to know that he wasn’t tall enough to grab all the rocks, but he also knew exactly how to jump for them.

Many of the other boys such as Caleb, Lucas and Levi tried to follow Andrew’s lead by jumping for the next rock, but unlike Andrew, they were just jumping and hoping for the best.

Kids such as Leo and Ethan also struggled. They were too timid to jump for the next rock, so they stood on their tip toes, trying to reach the next one, but exerting themselves too much. Regulus remembered when he was an inter on the rock wall, this was the kind of kid he was. He would stand there reaching for the next rock. The thing he needed to move forward, but to scared to jump for it.

****************

When Pandora saw Regulus at swim wearing a giant hoodie she immediately knew something was wrong. She wrapped him in a hug and said: “You were fine this morning, what happened?” Regulus didn’t respond. “Did you take Advil?” Pandora asked. “No I ran out.”
“You should have come to me, I would’ve given you some.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“What’s with the hoodie then?”
“Nothing.” Regulus said, but they both knew that was a lie.
“Regulus, can I see your arms.”
“I didn’t do that.”
“Then you should have no problem showing me your arms.”. Regulus rolled his eyes as he pulled up his sleeves to show only faded scars. Pandora smiled at him “Okay, we can talk about your absurd fashion choices later.”.

Regulus looked up to see James looking very confused. “I feel like you guys put an hour's worth of talking into that conversation.”
“We did, and I hope you weren’t the one who upset him.” Pandora said.
“He didn’t do anything.” Regulus said. By the look on James’ face, he didn’t seem to know that. “Really? I thought you were mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you, I just don’t want to talk to you.” Regulus said, feeling like that made perfect sense. However, James seemed to disagree. Pandora just laughed at the confused look on James’ face and said “Don’t worry James, he reads like a book once you get to know him.”.
“No I don’t.”
“Yes you do.”. Regulus rolled his eyes, very done with this conversation.

“What are you guys planning for the wake-up?” Lily said walking over to them.
“We’re going to fight about who’s better at juggling. What are you guys doing?” James said, sounding very proud of that idea. “We’re going to pretend we won the lottery and fight over the money.” Lily said.
“Why didn’t we think of that Reg?”
“Because in your world juggling comes to mind before winning the lottery.” James looked like he was going to argue but then must’ve realized that Regulus was right.

The rest of the swim period went on like this. Regulus had never really known Lily, but over these swim periods, he was getting to know her. He didn’t know how funny and sarcastic she could be. Regulus always thought of Lily as this quiet nieve girl, but he only really saw that side of her when she was around Snape.

When Lily was around people who actually treated her like a decent human being she was a completely different person. She was vibrant, and she was much more relaxed. Lily often looked like she was biting her tongue around Snape, but around these people, she wasn’t afraid to say what she thought. Most of all, Lily looked happy.

**************

Regulus and James spent the rest of the day trying to ignore the pain in his stomach and planning out the wake-up. James was very insistent that they needed a script and had to be very prepared.

Since it was James’ night as OD, they decided that Regulus would be the one to storm into the cabin and claim to be the better juggler. James would then disagree and start juggling the stuffed animals on his bed. The argument would start at a whisper and slowly get louder and louder. The “grand finale” as James called it was Regulus grabbing James’ water bottle and dousing him in water. Regulus wasn’t sure why James was so insistent on it. Every time Regulus asked if he was sure about it he said “Yes, we need to do something big.”. After a while, Regulus stopped questioning it.

James was also insistent that this would also be considered their first prank on the boys. When Regulus told him it was a dumb prank James would begin the explain, very animatedly, why he was wrong. His explanation included what a prank was, how they wouldn’t be expecting it and why it would be so funny. Once again, after a while, Regulus stopped questioning it.

At evening program James insisted they go over their plan one more time. “So I’ll text you right after I put the boys to sleep, then 10 minutes later I’ll text you again to come into the cabin.”
“Do you have my number?” Regulus asked, not remembering ever giving James his phone number. Regulus could tell by James’ surprised expression that he didn’t. “Oh, ya I guess I don’t. Isn’t that weird, we’ve known each other since we were kids and I don’t have your phone number.”
“It’s not that weird, we didn’t really talk to each other before this summer.”
“I guess so. We’re friends now though, I’m practically breaking the laws of friendship by not having your number.” Regulus rolled his eyes as he got his phone out, he had been hoping to see a missed call or at least a text from his parents wishing him a happy birthday, but he was disappointed once again.

James gave him his number and Regulus made his contact name Idiot. He then texted him so James would have his number.
Regulus: Hi James
James: Hi Regulus :)

James smiled as he looked through his phone. “What’s so funny?” Regulus asked. “I’m just looking for the perfect contact photo for you.”. After a few seconds James found the picture he was looking for and turned his phone over to show Regulus. It was the exact same picture that had been on his birthday cake. The one where he was passed out and had the words can’t touch this written on his forehead. “I hate you.” Regulus said.

Regulus didn’t have any bad photos of James, but he felt it would only be fair if he did have one. Regulus reached out and messed up James’ hair, and just as James’ shocked expression showed on his face, Regulus snapped a picture. Regulus smiled as he made it his contact photo, he then turned his phone around to show James. James laughed and said “Touché”.

When evening program finally ended, James went back to the cabin with the boys. Regulus went with Pandora to help set up the dinning hall, which is where they would bring their campers after waking them up. There wasn’t really much to do either than hang streamers. This didn’t take long since pretty much all the counsellors were there.

Once they were finished Regulus, Pandora and Barty were sitting at a table and catching up. Regulus didn’t see much of Barty and Evan during the day since they weren’t in his unit.

As Barty was telling Regulus about all the dirty jokes he and his campers made Regulus got a text from James.
James: I just put the boys to bed
Regulus: I’m heading to the cabin now
James: Prank time :)

Regulus stood outside the cabin and waited for James’ text. About a minute later he walked into the cabin. “James, Sirius told me that you said you were better at juggling than me.” Regulus said in a whisper.
“Because I am.”
“No you’re not.”
“You probably can’t even juggle.”
“I can too.” Regulus said, getting a little louder. Regulus could hear some of the boys sitting up in their beds.“Really, how come I’ve never seen you juggle then?”
“Because my juggling is too good to be seen by your unskilled arse.”
“My unskilled arse could juggle 5 times the amount of balls than you.” James said, not quite raising his voice, but he definitely wasn’t being quiet. “Prove it.” Regulus said.

At this, James picked up the stuffed animals from his bed and started juggling them. “You call that skill?” Regulus said, raising his voice.
“It’s better than anything you could do.” James said, matching Regulus’ tone.
“Please, I could do what your doing blindfolded!” Regulus said, starting to yell.
“I’m so good at juggling, I could literally juggle anything!”. At this point pretty much all the boys were watching.“Ya, then juggle this!” Regulus said, grabbing James’ water bottle and splashing the water in his face.

At this, James broke into laughter. “It’s a wake-up! Everyone out of your beds!” James said turning the lights on. Then he wrapped Regulus in a hug saying “Don’t worry boys, it was just a prank. Regulus and I aren’t mad at each other.”
“Get off of me, you’re getting me wet.” Regulus said, trying to break free of the hug.

“What’s a wake-up?” Levi asked. Regulus looked around to see all the boys looking confused. “Oh, it’s where we wake you up and we all go to the dinning hall.” James said, seeming to realize that since it was the boys’ first year at camp they wouldn’t know what a wake-up is. “Why?” Mateo asked.
“It’s just kinda a camp thing.” Regulus said.

On the walk to the dinning hall, James explained that there was ice cream waiting for them if they cheered when Dumbledore was talking about how fun camp was. Regulus was tempted to tell them this was a lie ad they would get ice cream regardless of if they screamed or not, but refrained.

“What did you think of Regulus and I’s first prank?” James asked.
“How was that a prank.” Caleb asked and Regulus fought back a laugh.
“Because, you guys were starting to go to bed and then Regulus and I pretended to fight. You guys got pranked.”.
“But I thought you had to do something like that for the wake-up.” Ethan said.
“We were killing two birds with one stone. Now you boys have to plan how you are going to get us back.”. At this the boys all grouped together and started to whisper amongst themselves.

By the time they got to the dinning hall Regulus’ cramps were really bad and he was feeling really nauseous. Midway through Dumbledore’s speech about how great camp was Regulus went to the bathroom and threw up. When he sat back down at the table Dumbledore was still droning on and he hadn’t missed anything. After Dumbledore finally stopped talking the boys got their ice cream and playing outside the dinning hall with the other cabins.

******************

When they arrived back at the cabin after an hour, Sirius was there, lounging on Regulus’ bed. “Padfoot.” James said, practically throwing himself at Sirius.
“What are you doing here Sirius?” Regulus said, unimpressed that both James and Sirius were on his bed. Regulus was also still mad at Sirius from the morning, but Sirius seemed to have forgotten about that, which just made Regulus more mad. “Moony is being mean to me. I was trying to tell him all about my newest hookup and he threw his book at me and told me to “shut up because he’s trying to read”” Sirius said that last bit in air quotes.

“You can’t possibly be that thick?” Regulus said, how could Sirius not see the very obvious reason why Remus might not want to hear about him hooking up with other people? “What?”
“Nevermind.”
“No, tell me.” Sirius said, right as Regulus’ phone started to ring.

Regulus grabbed his phone out of his pocket to see his mother’s name. “One sec.” Regulus said, going outside before answering. This was it, a couple of days late but Regulus was sure there would be a valid reason for it. He wasn’t expecting much, just a little happy birthday and a reason behind her not calling him.

“Hello mum.” Regulus answered.
“Are you talking to your brother?!”
“No, you told me not to.”
“Don’t lie to me ******.”
“I’m not.”
“So are you telling me that your cousin Bellatrix is lying to me, because she told me she saw you guys talking a few times.”
“I’m only talking to him if it’s absolutely necessary, maybe that is what she saw.”
“Whatever ******. Lie to me if you want.”
“Mum.”
“Yes?”
“What have you been up to? I’m sure you and dad have been really busy recently.”
“Not that it’s any of your business what your father and I are doing, but if you must know there hasn’t been much going on.”
“Oh, okay.” Regulus said as a silent tear rolled down his face.
“Well, since you’re clearly not going to tell me the truth I see no reason for this conversation to go on any longer. Call me when you want to tell the truth.” She said, and hung up.

Regulus wiped away his tears before going back into the cabin. “Did mother call to wish you a happy birthday. Is she just so sorry she forgot. I’m sure it will never happen again.”
“If you want to say I told you so just say it.”
“Je ne vois tout simplement pas pourquoi vous attendez d’eux qu’ils s’en soucient, alors qu’ils ne l’ont jamais fait et ne le feront jamais!” (I just don’t see why you expect them to care, they never have, and they never will) Sirius said, switching to french.
“Ils s'en soucient, ils ont juste beaucoup de choses à faire!” (They do care, they just have a lot going on).
“Être occupé n'empêche pas quelqu'un d'appeler son enfant le jour de son dix-huitième anniversaire!” (Being busy doesn’t stop someone from calling their kid on their eighteenth birthday).
“Vous ne savez rien. Vous avez quitté.” (You don’t know anything, you left).
“Ce n’est pas exactement ainsi que je le formulerais.” (That’s not exactly how I would phrase it).
“N'est-ce pas, tu aurais pu revenir si tu le voulais vraiment.” (Isn't it though, you could have come back if you really wanted to).
“Il était clair que je n'étais pas recherché, et vous savez quoi, je ne voulais pas vraiment être là non plus.” (It was clear I wasn't wanted, and you know what, I didn't really want to be there either).
“Tu as raison; tu n'étais pas recherché, et cela n'a pas changé.” (You're right; you weren't wanted around, and that hasn't changed).

Regulus walked out of the cabin and slammed the door behind him. He regretted the words the second they came out of his mouth. He could be cruel sometimes, but the scariest part was that he never meant to be. Sometimes he just got so upset, and he did whatever he needed to do in order to put walls up and protect himself.

Regulus didn’t know where he was going, until he ended up at Barty’s cabin. With tears falling down his face he ran up to Barty and fell into a hug. When it came to complex family dynamics, Barty knew exactly what to say. When Regulus was feeling like this he didn’t even have to say anything to Barty, he just knew exactly what was wrong.

Words couldn’t explain the feeling of wanting to love your parents but hating everything they do and stand for. How it feels to know that those are the people you came from, and there is nothing you can do to change that. How you feel like you should hate those people, but not being able to because they are your parents, and as much as you don’t want it to, that makes you care about them. It could only, truly be understood by someone who experienced it firsthand. Someone like Barty. Regulus’ parents made him like this, they made him the monster that hurts anyone who get’s to close.

Regulus didn’t say a word to Barty. He just stood there clinging to him and crying. Barty walked Regulus outside and closed the door behind them. When Regulus finally broke the hug, Barty sat down, leaning against the cabin. Regulus followed. “Do you want to talk about it?” Barty asked. Regulus shook his head no.

“I had the weirdest dream last night that I was a whale but I also had wings so I could fly around….” Barty continued on. This was often something Barty and Regulus did when one of them was upset but didn’t want to talk about it. They would tell each other the most random things they could think of and just keep talking until the other one felt better.

Regulus laid his head on Barty’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

**************

Walburga was yelling again “You such a spoiled brat *****. You expect your father and I just to hand you everything! The second you don’t get what you want you throw a fit!”
“I’m sorry mum, I-I just wanted to talk to you.”
“You know, even your brother wasn’t this needy! When I forgot Sirius’ birthday he didn’t care! He got over it! He didn’t go crying like a baby to his friends!”
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said, tears streaming down his face.
“You say that all the time *****! You fuck everything up! I can’t stand your brother, but he is like a breath of fresh air compared to you!”
“I’ll try to be more like him.”
“No! You idiot! Your brother is dead to all of us! I don’t want you to be at all like him! How is this so hard for you to understand?!” Walburga said slapping him across the face.

************

Regulus felt someone shaking him. He opened his eyes to see James standing in front of him. All the boys were sitting up in their beds staring at him. Regulus couldn’t breathe. He felt tears falling down his face. As he wiped them away, more began to fall. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just a dream.” James said soothingly, he appeared to be making an effort to not touch him.

“You’re okay. You’re safe. I need you to breathe.”. Regulus shook his head. “I-I can’t.”
“Just do you best, let’s breathe in.” James said, making a big show of breathing in. Regulus tried to follow, but couldn’t which freaked him out even more. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything is okay. Let’s try again.” James said, making another big show of breathing in.

After a couple of times, Regulus was able to follow. “Why don’t we go outside and get some fresh air?” James said. Regulus nodded. “Everything is okay boys, go back to sleep. Regulus and I are going to be just outside the cabin. Please only come get us if there is an emergency.” James said, holding his arm out as Regulus got up.

James closed the door and sat down beside Regulus. “I’m sorry.” Regulus said.
“For what?”
“For waking everyone up, and scaring everyone.”
“Don’t apologize for that. It wasn’t your fault, and it was definitely worse for you than it was for us.”
“I was really hoping that wouldn’t happen at camp.” Regulus said wiping away his tears.
“Do you have nightmares like that a lot?”
“I try not to.”
“What do you mean you try not to?”
“I know it’s annoying when I scream in my sleep. People don’t like to be woken up. I try not to sleep for too long in one night, because usually that’s when it happens.”
“Is that why you’re not sleeping? Maybe you should talk to Dr.Pomfrey about this. Sleep is important.”
“I’m not talking to Dr.Pomfrey. I’m fine, I just have to control it better.”
“Regulus this isn’t something you can just control.”
“Yes it is, I’m sorry I woke you all up. I’m okay now.” Regulus said, getting up and walking back into the cabin.

He flopped down on his bed and faced the wall. James was wrong. This was something he could control. He’s done it before. When Walburga and Orion Black are your parents you learn to control the things about you that they don’t like.

Chapter Text

TW:

Eating disorder (intense restriction)
Panic attack (happens of screen but it's kinda implied)
Transphobia (deadnaming, remember this ***** in conversation is my substitute for Regulus' deadname)

Wednesday

Regulus pulled his sheets over his head when he heard James waking the boys up. A few minutes later he felt a pair of little arms wrap around him. He pulled the covers down and rolled over to see who it was. “Hi Regulus.” Leo said.
“Hi. Is everything okay?”
“Ya, I’m just giving you a hug.”
“Thank you Leo.”.

A few more of the boys came up to hug him, some of them on top of him. Regulus put one of his arms over his chest since he wasn’t wearing a binder and really didn’t want to have that conversation right then. “Okay boys, let’s give Regulus some space.” James said, picking Levi up and taking him off of Regulus.

Once the boys had cleared, James looked down at Regulus and said: “How are you feeling?”
“Great.” Regulus said sarcastically as he sat up.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“No.”.

As they walked to the dinning hall James said “Are you going to be okay alone tomorrow? I don’t need to take my day off this week if you don’t want me to.”
“Because how could anyone survive a day without the one and only James Potter.” Regulus said sarcastically. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. I don’t want to make your life any harder.”
“Then stop pitying me.”
“I’m not, I care about you Regulus.”
“Then stop caring.” Regulus said, walking faster to join the boys’ conversation so he wouldn’t have to talk to James.

As he started talking to Leo Regulus noticed Mateo being quieter than normal. “Is everything okay Mateo?” Regulus asked.
“Ya I’m okay. Are you okay?”
“Yes Mateo, I’m okay. Thank you for asking.”. Regulus continued to talk to Leo and Mateo until they got to the dinning hall. Mateo was a bit more animated than he had previously been, but Regulus had a feeling he was faking it.

When Regulus saw Sirius at the dinning hall they both seemed to have the same idea, give the other one the silent treatment. This was absolutely fine with Regulus, and it seemed to be fine with Sirius; James however, needed to fix it.

Regulus sat down at their table, wanting to get the meal over with as quickly as possible when James dragged over Sirius. “No.” Regulus said the second he saw Sirius. “Good morning to you too.” Sirius retorted. James gave Sirius a look and Sirius sat down. “I don’t have time for this. Sirius go away.”
“I would love to.” Sirius said, glaring at James.
“We’re all going to sit here and eat breakfast. I don’t care who likes it and I don’t care who doesn't like it.” James said.
“Sirius isn’t even allowed to sit here.” Regulus said.
“Are you going to tell on me, how mature of you.”
“Because you’re so mature.” Regulus said getting up.
“Regulus no. Please let’s all just have breakfast together.”
“You don’t always get everything you want James. The sooner you learn that the better.”
“Stop being such an arse to James, at least he gives a shit about us.”
“Fuck you Sirius.” Regulus said, getting up and storming off towards the cabin.

In the cabin, Regulus pulled the covers over his head as he silently cried.

**************

About a half hour later Regulus heard the cabin door open and the boys ran in followed by Pandora. “Boys, get dressed for paddle boarding while I talk to Regulus.” Pandora said. “What are you doing here?”
“I brought you breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“And I’m not buying that. Eat.” Pandora said, handing him a bagel.
“Where’s James?”
“He’s with Sirius.”
“Of course he is.”
“He’s actually seemed really upset.”.
“Why?” Regulus said, wondering what on earth James Potter had to complain about.
“Ask him when he gets back if you really want to know. Now eat.”
“I’m really not hungry.”
“I’m really not arguing with you.”.

Regulus didn’t say anything, he just stared at Pandora defiantly. “I’ll go get Dr.Pomfrey right now.”. Regulus took a bite of his bagel.
“Good, now take another bite.” Slowly, with a lot of arguing Regulus ate the rest of his bagel.

The door opened and James walked in with his head down, but Regulus could see what he was trying to hide, because Regulus knew all too well what it looked like. His eyes were all puffy, he had been crying. Pandora got up from Regulus’ bed and gave him a hug. Regulus could tell James hadn’t been expecting it, but if there was one thing James Potter found comfort in, it was physical touch, so he hugged her back.

“Are you guys going to be okay if I go back to my cabin?” Pandora asked.
“Yes, thank you for taking so much care of the boys Pandora.” James said.
“Of course. I’ll see you guys later.”.

All the boys ran up to James and wrapped their little arms around him. “Sorry if we made you upset James.” Owen said.
“No, you boys didn’t do anything wrong. I was upset about other stuff.” James said.
“Sorry other stuff was making you sad.” Ethan said.
“Thank you Ethan.”

***********

As they were walking to the point, which was where the paddle boards were, Regulus asked: “What happened at breakfast that made you so upset?”
“I felt like I made things worse.” James said quietly.
“Things are always shitty between Sirius and I.”
“But they haven’t always been like that. You guys used to get along. Then I came around and ruined it.”
“Who told you that?!” Regulus said, surprised.
“I heard you talking to Dorcas about it a few summers ago.”.

The second James said it, Regulus knew the exact conversation he was talking about. Sirius had just been kicked out and they had gotten into a big fight about it. Sirius had said something about being happy at the Potter’s and Regulus got jealous.

Sirius always seemed to be happy around the Potter’s. They brought out a part of him Regulus had only seen when they were younger and sneaking into each other’s rooms after their parents had gone to bed. Regulus felt like he had lost Sirius to James, and Sirius was all Regulus ever had. He just wanted one thing, he just wanted Sirius.

He had been venting to Dorcas about how much he hated James. He needed someone to blame for all his pain, and James was an easy target. He told Dorcas that he wished James never existed, and that he ruined everything. He said that he used to be Sirius’ best friend, until James came around and messed everything up.

Regulus felt bad, he didn’t mean for James to hear that. Obviously, that didn’t make it any better, but Regulus already knew he was a bad person. However, James was pure sunshine, and Regulus didn’t mean to cast a shadow over him.

“James, that wasn’t about you. I was being an asshole and I needed someone to take everything out on. I’m sorry you were that person.”
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s the truth.”
“No it’s not. It’s a good thing Sirius has you, he probably wouldn’t be here without you.”
“I’m still sorry I took him away from you.”
“You didn’t, our parents did. That’s what I didn’t realize then; it was our parents’ fault, not yours.”. It was quiet for a moment, and then Jamees said, “Ya, no offence but your parents are kind of shit.”. Regulus started laughing and James joined in. The next thing they knew, the boys were looking at them all confused as they stood there, laughing hysterically.

After all the boys had partnered up and gotten a paddle board, there was still one paddle board left. James looked at Regulus. “No.” Regulus said.
“Please.”
“No James, neither of us is wearing a bathing suit.”
“Pretty please.”. Just as Regulus was about to say no for the third time James picked him up off the beach and laid him down on the paddle board. Before Regulus could get up James sat on Regulus’ stomach and started paddling. As he let out a sigh Regulus could hear Dorcas laughing from the beach.

“Now you’re stuck with me.” James said looking down at Reegulus as he continued to paddle. Regulus tried to push James off him and into the water. James grabbed his arms and pinned them down. Regulus struggled and failed to free himself. “James if you don’t get off me right now I’ll kill you.”
“You see, I don’t believe you will Regulus.”.

Just as Regulus was about to tell James all about exactly how he was going to kill him, the paddle board flipped over and they both fell into the lake. Regulus resurfaced to see all the boys laughing: “We pranked you guys back!” Owen said.

James started laughing “That was a good one boys. I’m proud of the pranksters you are becoming.”. Regulus splashed James, which started a whole war between the two of them.

While James was splashing Regulus, Regulus got on their paddle board and started paddling away without James. “Hey, come back!” James yelled, swimming after him. After a while of swimming, James gave up and hopped on Andrew and Levi’s paddle board and started chasing him. When he was close enough James jumped off Andrew and Levi’s board and onto their board.

James grabbed Regulus and threw him into the lake. Unlike Regulus, he didn’t paddle away. “Truce?” James said, offering out his hand to help Regulus back onto the paddle board. Regulus, needing to have the last word, grabbed James’ hand and pulled him into the water. “Now we can have a truce.” he said once James resurfaced.

Regulus was surprised at how quickly the hour went by. Before he knew it they were being called back to the beach and heading back to their cabin to change. The walk back was cold, as neither James nor Regulus brought towels. Many of the boys tried several times to give them theirs, but both James and Regulus refused.

At the cabin, James and Regulus quickly changed into dry clothes. The boys didn’t see much point in changing since they had swim, but Regulus forced them all to get dry towels, and to re-apply sunscreen.

Regulus and James were outside helping the boys put on sunscreen, it was yet another fight with Logan to get him to wear sunscreen, but Regulus wasn’t going to back down. “You can kick me all you want, it’s not going to change the fact that you’re wearing sunscreen to swim.” Regulus said, as he was rubbing the sunscreen into Logan’s arm. Logan grabbed his water bottle and hit Regulus over the head with it.

Regulus stumbled back as a sharp pain shot through his head. He steadied himself against the wall of the cabin. “Logan!” James yelled.
“It’s fine James.” Regulus said, still leaning against the wall.
“No, it’s not! Logan, you can’t just hit someone when you’re upset with them!”
“James really, he didn’t hit me that hard. Everything’s okay.”
“Regulus, you’re leaning against the wall for support right now, don’t tell me you’re final.”. Slowly, Regulus stepped away from the wall of the cabin.
“See, I’m fine.”
“Regulus.”
“Don’t worry James, I’m fine. Logan can you please let me finish putting sunscreen on you?”.

Regulus needed this. He needed to know that he wasn’t doing anything close to what his mother did to him. His mother left him to burn, finding joy in his misery and pain. Regulus refused to be anything like his mother.

Logan seemed surprised by Regulus’ persistence, and Regulus was able to finish applying his sunscreen. Regulus then helped Leo and Andrew apply their sunscreen.

Regulus tried to act fine as they walked to swim, but he was failing. He was walking a lot slower than usual and even had to stop and sit down once. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but the pain was a lot worse than usual. James had suggested several times that he go see Dr.Pomfrey, but Regulus insisted he was fine.

Just as Regulus had to stop for the second time, Pandora and Lily walked by with their campers. James stopped them and said, “Pandora I think Regulus needs to see Dr.Pomfrey.”
“No I don’t, I’m fine.” Regulus stated, glaring at James.
“What happened?” Pandora asked cupping Regulus’ head in her hands and studying the bruise that was probably forming on his head. “Nothing.” Regulus said just as James said “A camper hit him in the head with their waterbottle.”
“Regulus I agree with James, I think you should see Dr.Pomfrey.”
“Guys I’m fine.” Regulus claimed as,he stood back up.
“If I take him to Dr.Pomfrey can you guys make sure the boys get to swim ok?” James asked. “Yes of course.” Lily agreed.

“No, I don’t need to see Dr.Pomfrey.” Regulus repeated, and started to walk towards the docks in protest. At this, James picked Regulus up and started walking towards Dr.Pomfrey’s office. “James put me down!” Regulus demanded, trying his best to get free from James’ arms. “No.” James said, only tightening his grip.

Regulus struggled to get free from James’ grip the rest of the way. James only put Regulus down once he reached Dr.Pomfrey’s office to knock on the door, and even then, he held onto Regulus’ arm so he couldn’t get away.

“Hi boys, what seems to be the problem?” Dr.Pomfrey asked once she opened the door. Before Regulus could even talk, James said: “One of our campers hit Regulus in the head with his water bottle. I assume you know about Regulus’ chronic pain. He has headaches a lot, and I think his getting hit in the head made it worse. I just want to make sure he’s okay.”.
“I’m fine.” Regulus argued, feeling like a broken record.
“Why don’t we take a look at you just to be safe, follow me boys.”.

James and Regulus followed Dr.Pomfrey into the room Regulus had been in way too many times. “Could you please sit down for me Regulus?” Dr.Pomfrey asked, motioning at that weird table thing doctors always had in their office. “When did this happen Regulus?”
“Just as we were about to leave for swim.”
“Can you tell me what you had for breakfast?”
“A bagel.”
“Do you feel dizzy or nauseous at all?”
“No.”

Dr.Pomfrey continued to ask Regulus questions, and then shined a light in his eye. After this, she seemed satisfied. “You don't have a concussion which is always good. Your head is probably not going to feel too great for the rest of the day, but I don’t think there is any serious damage. I think you should lie down for the rest of the day.”
“I can’t, James is going on his day off tonight.”
“No, I don’t have to go. I’ll stay.”
“No, you won’t.”
“James, you can stay with the boys until you have to leave for your day off, then the boys can join another cabin for dinner and evening program.”
“It’s fine, I’ll just say.”
“James, you’re not staying and I don’t need to lie down. I’m okay to be with the boys for the rest of the day.”
“No Regulus, you have to listen to Dr.Pomfrey.”
“James is right.” Sirius said, appearing out of nowhere.
“Sirius?” Regulus said confused.
“James texted me, he said you got hurt.”
“James!”
“I just thought he would want to know.”
“I’m glad James told me you were hurt, because I know for a fact you wouldn’t have.”
“Because I’m fine.” Regulus argued.
“Boys, Regulus needs some rest. You can smother him later.”.
“Can we just sit with him for a bit, maybe until he falls asleep?” James asked.
“What part of smothering me later did you not understand.”
“I suppose that’s okay, but you have to let him sleep. I don’t want to hear you guys chit-chatting.”
“Of course.” Sirius said.

Dr.Pomfrey took them to a different room where there was a bed. “Regulus, get comfortable, because you’re not leaving this room until tonight.”. Regulus rolled his eyes “I’m fine.”
“Great, you can be fine in this room.”. Regulus flopped onto the bed dramatically. “Goodnight Regulus.”

After kicking his shoes off, Regulus got under the covers. The bed was surprisingly comfortable. He rolled over so he was facing the wall, and not James and Sirius. “So I guess you’re still mad at me.” Sirius said.
“What gave you that idea.” Regulus said sarcastically. Sirius must’ve been about to do something because James said: “Hey, no.”.

Regulus didn’t move for a long time, Sirius and James must’ve thought he had fallen asleep because they started whispering to each other.
“It came out of nowhere Sirius. He was putting sunscreen on this kid, and the kid wasn’t enjoying it, but I didn’t think he’d do that.”
“I know, I thought kids were supposed to be innocent and weak.”
“I should’ve done more. Maybe I could’ve stopped the kid from hitting him like that, then he wouldn’t be here, in all this pain.”
“James, that’s not your fault. You have to stop blaming other people’s actions on yourself.”
“But Sirius, it is my fault. I’m a bad counsellor.”
“No, you’re not. Snivellus is a bad counsellor. You’re a fucking amazing counsellor, and it isn’t your fault a kid freaked out on Regulus.”
“But I feel like it is.”
“It’s not.”.

James and Sirius talked for a bit more until Dr.Pomfrey came in and told them they should probably go back to their activities before the period ends. “Okay.” They both said. Regulus felt his brother’s arms wrap him in a hug. “Awww.” James cooed.
“If you tell him about this I’ll kill you.”. James laughed. “I’m not kidding Prongs.”.

After a while, Regulus really did fall asleep.

*****************

Regulus was surprised when Dr.Pomfrey woke him up and it was 10 pm. According to her, he was now okay to go back to his cabin.

On the way to the cabin, Regulus checked his phone to see several texts from James.
James: Hey Regulus, sorry I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to you. I wanted to stay to make sure you were okay and that you weren’t alone tomorrow, but Dr.Pomfrey practically forced me out of the camp.
James: Oh don’t forget to set an alarm for tomorrow, because otherwise you’ll miss breakfast.
James: Call me when you see these so I know you’re okay

James picked up on the first ring “Hey Regulus, how are you.”
“I just slept for almost 12 hours straight.” Regulus said and James laughed.
“How’s your head?”
“Better.”
“That’s good. If you need me to come back at any point tomorrow just call me. I’ll keep my phone on.”
“James just enjoy your day off, I’ll be fine.”
“Okay, just promise me you’ll call me if you need me.”
“I promise.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Good night.”.

When Regulus opened the door to the cabin the boys came running up to hug him. “Are you feeling better?” Leo asked.
“Yes, I’m feeling a lot better.”
“Good.”.

Regulus looked up to see Evan was also there. “Hey.”
“Hi, I heard about what happened. You okay?”
“Yes.” Regulus said as Evan wrapped Regulus in a hug.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, everything’s fine.”
“You always say that.”
“And look at me, still standing.”
“Do you want me to stay here tonight.”
“No, I actually can’t stand you. Can you leave?” Evan laughed and flipped Reguls off. “Seriously though, you don’t have to stay here until midnight, I’m probably just going to go to bed.”
“But if I leave I have to go listen to Barty, and his dirty jokes.”
“You chose to be his friend.”
“I didn’t, he brainwashed me into it.”
“He didn’t do a very good job if you’re aware of the brainwashing.”
“I cracked his code.”
“Wow.”
“I know.”.

Evan ended up staying for the next hour and a half. Once he left, Regulus put on his pyjamas and brought out his Kindle. Since he had just slept for 12 hours he was far from tired.

Thursday

Regulus hit his phone 5 times before the alarm finally turned off. “We have to wake up boys.” Regulus said as he pulled the covers over his head.
“You’re the only one still in bed Regulus.” Ethan giggled.
“Oh.” Regulus said, looking around to see all the boys had gotten up, out of their beds and ready for breakfast.

As Regulus sat up, a sharp pain shot through his head. Slowly, he got out of bed and got ready for breakfast.

When Regulus and the boys walked to the dinning hall, Regulus realized how much he actually talked to James. They talked whenever they were going anywhere and during every activity. It was quiet without James, and Regulus wasn’t sure he liked that.

The one bonus about James not being at camp was that it was much easier to get away with not eating. Pandora had her hands full with her campers as Lily was also taking today off, which meant there was no room for her to worry about Regulus.

It was interesting to Regulus how the dynamics had formed within the boys from the past week, and since there was no James, Regulus sat and observed them. Leo and Ethan seemed to be best friends. Mateo was often listening to Logan, but always had his eye on Andrew. Andrew, Owen and Elija had formed a tight trio. The biggest dynamic was Caleb, Lucas, Aaron, Levi and Jackson.

However, all the boys seemed to be friends with everyone. Leo and Andrew were often talking animatedly to each other about Percy Jackson. Aaron, Ethan and Andrew all seemed to be big fans of Marvel and Lucas seemed to think it was the funniest thing to tell them that DC was better. The boys were becoming friends, and Regulus would never admit it out loud, but that made him happy.

On their way back to the cabin Regulus grabbed their schedule and was happy to see they had Arts and Crafts first period, which meant he would see Evan.

***************

Arts and crafts was spent making beaded bracelets, which of course Evan forced Regulus to participate in.

Regulus complained about it the entire time, but he was secretly having a lot of fun. He found the repetitiveness of putting beads on a string soothing, and he liked creating different patterns.

By the end of the period Regulus had made 3 bracelets. One for Pandora, one for himself and one for James; but 3/4s of the way through James’ bracelet he realized how weird and embarrassing it was that he had made him a bracelet. He quickly finished the bracelet and quietly shoved it into his pocket.

At swim, Regulus gave Pandora the bracelet he had made for her which was inspired by the Lover album, because that was her favourite album. Pandora, being Pandora put it on immediately and told Regulus she would never take it off.

Of course, the day had to take a turn, because Regulus couldn’t even have one day where nothing went wrong. Regulus and Pandora had been sitting in the sand, minding their own business when Snape appeared.

“Isn’t Black a little too gay for you Lovegood.”
“Nope. Bye Severus.” Pandora said.
“You’ve got to agree with me though, she’s too much work. She’s exhausting.” Regulus felt the words like bullets on his skin.
“You can leave now.”
“You know, I go to the Noble House of Black parties, and even her mother can’t stand here. Isn’t that right *****?”. Regulus fought back tears. He didn’t want Snape to know he was getting to him.

What hurt the most was knowing that his mother cared more about her image than anything. If even Snape could see through her kind and gentle facade, it showed how much of a challenge it was for her to pretend to care about him.

“You know want to know something Severus, being an arse isn’t going to make you feel better about your pathetic self. You’re so two-faced you probably don’t even know who you are anymore, and that’s just sad.” Pandora said.
“You’re such a bitch.”
“Is that really the best you can come up with?”.

At this, Snape got up and started at Pandora. Regulus practically threw himself in front of Pandora before Snape could touch her “Hey! Leave her out of whatever problem you have with me!” Regulus shouted, hoping to get someone’s attention.
“I have a problem with both of you.” Snape said, trying to push Regulus out of his way, but Regulus wasn’t moving. “Just fuck off Snape.” Pandora said, walking around Regulus and up to Snape.

Snape looked like he was about to hit Pandora when McGonagall’s voice appeared behind them saying “Is there a problem here?”. Regulus had never been happier to hear the voice of an authority figure in his life. “Yes, Regulus and I were minding our own business when Snape came over and started deadnaming Regulus.” Pandora said, back to her sweet self. “Come with me Severus.” McGonagall demanded.

Once McGonagall and Snape had left Regulus looked over at Pandora and said “You can’t just start picking fights with Snape when he’s being a dick.” Regulus said sternly. “Yes I can, I wasn’t going to let him say those things to you. Besides he’s all talk.”
“No, he’s not. Pandora, he was about to hurt you before McGonagall came.”
“He wouldn’t have been successful.”
“I appreciate you standing up for me, but sometimes it’s easier to just ignore those people.”
“But Regulu-”
“No, no but Regulus. I’m asking you not to do that again. No matter what Snape says to me, just let him talk. I don’t want you to get involved in the problems Snape and I have with each other.” Regulus interrupted.
“I’m not just going to stand by while he bullies you.”
“Pandora, please. It will be easier for me if you do.”
“No.”
“Please.” Regulus said, fighting back tears.
“Fine, but I’m recording everything he says and reporting him.”
“Thank you.” Regulus said, hugging Pandora.

They spent to rest of swim sitting in silence, it wasn’t an awkward silence, it never was with Pandora. However, it was clear they were both holding back what they really wanted to say, making it, not quite a comfortable silence either.

*************

At lunch, Regulus didn’t eat anything. He had begun to feel dizzy when he stood up. Sleeping through the previous day meant he had eaten almost nothing in the past couple of days. Although physically his body was suffering, Regulus was thriving. With James being gone, he was able to regain control. Nobody was forcing him to eat, and Regulus thought he had never felt better.

The rest of the day went on. Regulus watched the boys maneuver their way through the ropes course and play tennis. At dinner, Regulus didn’t eat anything. The boys were getting ready for evening program, which thankfully, Regulus didn’t have to participate in; when James walked in.

All the boys ran up to James and gave him a hug, and Regulus could tell James was loving it. Once the boys had cleared James looked at Regulus and held his arms out. “No.”
“Please.”
“No.”
“Pleaseeeee.” James whined.
“If I give you a hug will you shut up?”
“Yes.” James smiled. Regulus walked over to him and wrapped his arms loosely around James. “Oh come on, you can hug better than that.”. Regulus rolled his eyes and tightened his grip on James. “That’s better.” James said, hugging him back.

After a sufficient amount of time, Regulus tried to break out of the hug, but James held on for another 10 seconds. Once he finally let go of Regulus, James grabbed his bag and pulled out a container full of cookies. “Look what my mom made us.” James said, with the biggest smile on his face. All the boys cheered.

The boys crowded around James, all trying to get a cookie. Once the mob of 8-year-olds cleared, James held out the container to Regulus. “I’m okay.”
“My mom’s cookies are the best, you have to have one.”
“Maybe later.” Regulus said, having absolutely no intention of eating it later. However, this seemed to satisfy James, who closed the container and placed it on Regulus’ bed.

“What about you? You’re not having one.” Regulus asked.
“Oh, I’ve already had 5 today.”. James said and Regulus laughed.

As they walked to evening program James asked “What did I miss today.”
“Caleb and Owen are now trading clothes to trick everyone into thinking they are the other one, Andrew took a red marker and started to draw on Lucas’ hair so that he wouldn’t be the only ginger and Pandora went off on Snape.”
“Lovegood?!”
“No, the other Pandora.” Regulus said sarcastically.
“I’m just surprised, I can’t even picture that.”
“Well, it happened.”
“Now I’m sad I missed it, do you think she’ll do it again if I asked her to?”
“No.”
“Aww.”

Once they made it down to the beach James went right up to Pandora “Did you go off on Snape?” Pandora smiled and said:
“Yes.”
“And I missed it!” James said at the same time Lily said:
“What?!”
“Lily, I know you’re friends with Snape, but he was being really mean and I wasn’t going to let him talk like that.” Pandora said, looking apologetically at Lily.
“What did he say? Maybe I can talk to him.”
“No, I think we should leave it alone. Just trust me, he was being very mean.” Pandora said.

Lily looked over at Snape who was sitting on his phone, as far away from Lockheart as he could get. “It’s just, sometimes he is a dick because something is wrong.”
“That doesn’t excuse it.” James said, and Regulus had a feeling by the way he said it, that this was a conversation he had with Lily many times. “I know, I just feel bad. He doesn’t have a lot of people who care about him.”
“I wonder why.” James said sarcastically.

“How was your day off James?” Pandora asked, changing the subject. James didn’t seem excited about the subject change, but went on about how he spent the day at his parents' cottage.

James and Lily went on about their time at the Potter’s with all their friends for the next hour while their campers had a sandcastle-building contest. Lily and Pandora’s cabin ended up winning, and they all headed back to their cabins.

Since it was Sirius who was on OD for their cabin, James ended up staying in the cabin. This meant that Regulus didn’t have to come back until he wanted. Regulus, who needed some time alone, took his Kindle and walked into the forest behind their cabin. Five minutes of walking later he sat down against a tree and started to read.

It was 3 a.m. when Regulus returned to the cabin, and to his surprise, Sirius was still there. “Okay, I’m going to head back to my cabin now.” Sirius said.
“Or you could stay?” James said as more of a question.
“No, I think it’s best if I go.” Sirius said, looking at Regulus.
“Okay, bye.” James said, hugging Sirius.

Regulus went into the bathroom to change into his pyjamas and went right to sleep.

Chapter Text

TW:

Eating disorder (not eating and passing out)
Drinking

Friday

Regulus pulled the covers over his head when James’ alarm went off. “Regulus you have to get up.”
“Noooo.” Regulus complained as James pulled away his covers.
“Rise and shine.” James teased. Regulus groaned as he sat up.

Not only did his head hurt when he sat up, but he was also quite dizzy which was just so fun. Regulus slowly stood up. “You okay?” James asked.
“Ya, I’m just tired. Why?”
“You just seemed off-balance when you were getting up.”
“My head hurts.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Regulus said, grabbing his shoes.

As they walked to the dinning hall, James asked: “How was waking up yesterday?”
“Awful, but not because of the boys; they practically got themselves ready.” Regulus clarified, not wanting to speak ill of their campers, who for the most part, were really sweet kids. “We’re raising them well.”
“Shut up.”.

At breakfast, Regulus moved his food around his plate, and every time James wasn’t looking he would throw a couple of pieces of his eggs into the garbage. It was becoming like a game to Regulus. Some twisted part of him wanted to see how long he could go without eating. Every meal he skipped, he felt accomplished. Every snack he didn’t eat, was a win. Every lie he successfully told was a victory. He was winning the game, and when you grow up the way Regulus did, you don’t let that victory go without a fight.

When Regulus saw they had water skiing on their schedule for first period he rolled his eyes. He had no desire to even look at Sirius. They were in the doing that thing they did where they would fight about a bunch of little things as an excuse to fight with each other. Wanting to fight about what was really bothering them, but both were too afraid to do so. He was not looking forward to being stuck in the same area as him for an hour.

Back at the cabin, Regulus flopped dramatically onto his bed. “Regulus it probably won’t be as bad as you think.” James tried to reason after a silent walk back to the cabin.
“It will be, we hate each other and we make each other miserable.”
“Don’t say that.” James said, sounding genuinely upset.
“It’s true.”
“Regulus, the both of you are such interesting, unique and funny people. I think you could get along if you guys tried.”
“I’m going to go change.” Regulus said, not wanting to talk about his relationship with his brother with his brother’s best friend.

As Regulus stood up and began walking to the back of the cabin he was quite dizzy. His vision started to blur as he was walking. He continued walking, hoping he could make it to the bathroom without making a scene. He took another step.

R
E
G
U
L
U
S

***********

When Regulus opened his eyes he was lying in his bed with Sirius, James, Pandora and all his campers surrounding him. Regulus tried to sit up before Sirius pushed him back down. “Don’t sit up yet.” Sirius said.

“How did I get on my bed?” Regulus asked, confused.
“I put you on your bed after you passed out, I figured you would rather wake up in your bed than on the dirty floor.”
“I told him to leave you on the floor and deal with the consequences of your actions, but James is nicer than me.” Pandora stated with a no-bullshit tone that Regulus hadn’t heard from her in a while.

As he looked around at the varying faces of worry and anger on the faces of the people surrounding him, Regulus realized just how much trouble he was in. Pandora knew exactly why he passed out, and her threat of telling Dr.Pomfrey wasn’t an empty threat. “Pandora, it’s not what you think.” Regulus said, trying to lie his way out of this.
“I don’t want to hear it Regulus.”
“No I promi-”
“What did you eat for lunch yesterday?”
“Um.”
“Can you even tell me what was served at lunch?”. Regulus didn’t answer. “How about dinner, what was served at dinner yesterday?”. Once again, Regulus didn’t answer. “Right. Well Dr.Pomfrey is on her way, and I hope you know I’m telling her that you’re that you’re starving yourself.”
“Boys why don’t we all go outside.” James suggested, getting up and ushering the boys outside.

“Pandora, please.” Regulus practically begged, fighting back tears.
“No. Don’t even try that. I’m telling her.”
“No, she’ll make me go home. I don’t want to go home. Please.” Regulus said, failing to hold the tears back any longer. He then turned to his brother, knowing he was the only person who could truly understand what he was feeling “Sirius please, don’t let me go home.”

Regulus knew he was being manipulative, but he didn’t care. He knew that had things been different he wouldn’t have spoken a word to Sirius when he saw him at water skiing. Now, he clung to Sirius as if his life depended on it, which for all Regulus knew was true.

“Regulus I’ll make sure you stay at camp if that’s what you want, but you have to eat.”
“No Sirius, she’ll send me home. Please Sirius.” Regulus cried, trying to get up, but Sirius was holding him down. “Regulus you need to relax. If you want to stay I’ll make sure that happens, but you are seeing Dr.Pomfrey.”
“No I’m fine! I don’t need to see anyone!”
“Regulus take a look at yourself. You’re not fine. If you were fine I wouldn’t have gotten a call from my best friend asking me if it was normal for my brother to pass out!”
“You know James, he worries. I’m fine I promise.”
“Regulus stop! There are people here that care about you and all you’re doing is hurting them! If you care about any of us you’ll stop lying to us!” Pandora said, tears falling down her face.

Just then Dr.Pomfrey walked in. “Hi Regulus, want to tell me what happened.”.
“I’m fine. Everyone’s just over-reacting.”.
“He’s lying to you Dr.Pomfrey. He’s not eating. He passed out because he’s not eating.”
“Regulus, is this true?”
“No.”
“I’m going back to my cabin to help Lily get the girls ready for first period. Ask him what food was served yesterday, he won’t be able to tell you.” Pandora said, getting up and wiping away tears as she left.

“Regulus can you tell me what was served for lunch yesterday?”
“Please, I promise you I’m fine.”
“Answer the question Reg.” Sirius said sternly.
“I don’t know.” Regulus croaked out, and for what felt like the millionth tear fell down his face.
“Why don’t you come to my office food a bit?”
“No, I don’t want to.”
“Unfortunately, I wasn’t really asking dear.”.

Dr.Pomfrey helped Regulus sit up. “If you like, we could sit here until it doesn’t look like you’ve been crying.” Dr.Pomfrey suggested. Regulus nodded.

After about ten minutes Regulus got up and began to walk to Dr.Pomfrey’s office with Dr.Pomfrey and Sirius. Regulus could tell as he passed his campers they all wanted to talk to him, but James must’ve told them not to because they were all silent as he walked passed, even James.

The walk remained silent apart from Regulus asking Sirius to leave, and Siriuis refusing.

Regulus walked up the steps and into the building which was basically the camp’s version of a doctor’s office. Dr.Pomfrey led him to the room he had been in only a few days before. Regulus sat down on the exact same table as Dr.Pomfrey took his blood pressure.

“Sirius darling, would you mind running to the dinning hall and grabbing some food for Regulus.”.
“No, I’m not hungry.”
“Regulus dear, you have to eat.”
“I’m not going to.” Regulus argued, fighting for any sense of control.
“Reg.” Sirius said softly.
“Don’t call me that! You don’t get to call me that Sirius!”
“Regulus, I know how you’re feeling. You have to trust me that it’s going to be okay.”
“You don’t know anything about me!”
“I’m going to go get you something to eat. Stay here.” Sirius said, annoyingly calm.

Regulus got up and tried to follow Sirius out, but Dr.Pomfrey grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. “Regulus, there are a few things we need to do while your brother is out.”
“No!”
“I know you’re upset, but I need you to relax.”
“No! Let me go!”. Regulus struggled to break free of Dr.Pomfrey’s grip, but the old lady had a surprisingly strong grip.

After a while, Regulus stopped fighting as his struggle was getting embarrassing. “Good. Do you mind if I take your weight?”
“I’m not underweight.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about.”. Regulus was getting annoyed with how easily Dr.Pomfrey could counter his points.

“Step on the scale backwards for me please.”
“Why backwards?”
“When I treat people with eating disorders, I don’t like them to know how much they weigh, I feel it does more harm than good.”
“I don’t have an eating disorder.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m not disagreeing with you, but you might want to think about why you’re getting so defensive.”
“I’m not getting defensive.”
“You’re only continuing to prove my point.”. Regulus reluctantly stepped on the scale.

When Dr.Pomfrey motioned for him to step off the scale Regulus asked “Are you going to make me go home?”
“Do you want me to make you go home?”
“No.” Regulus responded quickly.
“Good, I don’t want you to go home either. You’re 18 correct?”
“Yes.”
“You’re an adult, you can choose where you think the best place for you to be is. If you think that is here then you should stay here. However, you are showing me that you are not in the mental state to control the amount of food you eat. That, I will have to do something about.”. Regulus wanted to argue, but didn’t.

About ten minutes later Sirius came back with a bagel. “I put jam on both sides just how you like it.” Sirius said, referencing how when they were kids Regulus would only eat a bagel if it had jam on it. “I’m not five anymore.”.
“Could’ve fooled me.” Sirius mumbled under his breath.
“What?!”
“Nothing.”
“You’re such an arse.”. Regulus said as he kicked Sirius. Sirius looked like he wanted to retaliate, then thought better of it.

Sirius handed him the bagel and said: “Eat, you’ll feel better.”.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Regulus dear, you going to have to eat one way or another. Either you willingly eat this bagel, or, if it comes to it, I will have to put you on a feeding tube. In my opinion, it’s easier for both of us if you eat willingly.” Dr.Pomfrey said.
“You’ll feel more in control if you do it this way Regulus.” Sirius added.
“Why are you even here, nobody wants you to be here Sirius!”
“I’m here because I care about you.”.

Regulus hated it when Sirius lied, but he hated this lie most of all. It felt like bullets on skin. Regulus was desperate to believe it, and at one point, he did believe it. When he believed Sirius cared about him he put his heart on the table, and the last time he did that Sirius broke and didn’t look back. That was the day Regulus stopped believing everything Sirius said. If he cared, he would have stayed.

“Fuck off.”
“Regulus.” Sirius said, his voice cracking.
“Just leave Sirius!”
“Fine, have fun on your own.” Sirius barked as he left the room without looking back.

It was a half hour of back and forth before Regulus finally ate the bagel. After that, he had the pleasure of a long conversation about how Dr.Pomfrey would sit beside him at every meal to make sure he was eating. After all this, Dr.Pomfrey finally let him leave.

***********

Regulus walked down to the ski docks where his cabin was. When James saw him he ran up to him, almost knocking him over as he wrapped him in a hug. “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” Regulus said, hugging James back.
“You seem like you’re having a pretty bad morning.”
“That’s not your fault.”
“I’m still sorry it’s happening.”
“It’s okay.”.

Just then, Leo ran up to Regulus and wrapped him in a hug. “Are you okay Regulus?”
“Ya bud, I’m fine.”
“I was so worried about you.”
“You don’t need to worry Leo, everything’s okay.”
“You promise?” Leo asked, looking up at Regulus.
“I promise.”.

“Did you ski yet?” Regulus asked, changing the subject.
“No. I don’t want to ski. My dad said he was going to teach me.”
“Okay, you can wait, but if you want to join in the fun, Sirius is a great teacher.” Regulus prompted. “I don’t want Sirius to teach me! I want my dad to teach me!” Leo yelled, suddenly very upset. “Hey, don’t worry. We won’t make you ski, if you want to wait for your dad to teach you that’s fine.”. At this, Leo stormed off.

Regulus looked to James “What did I do?”
“I don’t know.” James said, seeming just as confused as Regulus.

Leo didn’t talk to Regulus for the rest of the period, or on the way to swim. Pandora, however, had a lot to say to Regulus when she saw him at swim. “What did Dr.Pomfrey say?”
“She said she is going to sit beside me for every meal now, so thanks for that.” Regulus snapped. He knew it wasn’t fair to snap at Pandora, but he also felt like it was a little bit her fault, and didn’t really care what was fair. “That isn’t my fault.”
“It is a little.”
“Regulus, don’t blame your not eating on me.”
“I’m just saying, I was fine before you stepped in.”
“Regulus you almost died!” Pandora yelled, no longer talking about what happened earlier that day. “I was fine!”
“You know what, I’m not having this fight with you again. Talk to me when you are ready to stop putting everything on me.” Pandora said, walking away to the other side of the beach.

As Regulus sat down on the sand he saw out of the corner of his eye, James and Lily looking at each other very confused. Regulus sat in silence for the rest of the period.

Once swim had ended Leo seemed to have forgiven Regulus for whatever he said, because all of a sudden he was talking to him again. So at least one thing was going well.

“How are you?” James asked as they walked back to the cabin.
“Fine.”
“Are you sure, because you can always talk to me. Even if it’s about Sirius, I'm your friend too Regulus.”
“I have no interest in talking about my brother to you James.”
“Is there anything else you want to talk to me about?”
“Not really.”.
“Okay, well if you ever do want to talk to me you always can.”
“Great.”.

*************

At lunch Dr.Pomfrey sat down beside Regulus, after doing so, she asked: “Do you boys mind if I eat with you guys?”. All the boys looked at each other confused, but none of them objected.

Dr.Pomfrey scooped some pasta onto her plate, then put a sizable amount on Regulus’ plate. When he saw the amount of food on his plate, Regulus looked over at Dr.Pomfrey and said: “I can’t.”.
“Yes you can.”
“I can’t. Please don’t make me.”
“Regulus, if you’re not going to eat here, we will go back to my office and you can eat there. Either way you are eating.”.

Regulus wanted to put up more of a fight, but he didn’t want to make a scene in front of his campers. Fighting Dr.Pomfrey would only make everything so much worse; and even though Dr.Pomfrey said she wouldn’t send him home, he didn’t want to give her a reason to call his mother.

Slowly and reluctantly, Regulus ate the pasta in front of him. By the time he was finished eating, the boys had already had dessert and the announcements that happened after every meal were almost over.

Only a few minutes later Regulus was finally allowed to leave the hell that everyone called the dinning hall. He didn’t say a word to James the whole walk back to the cabin or on the walk to free-swim, which was where campers just swam around in the lake for an hour.

As Regulus stepped onto the dock he saw Pandora and her cabin already on the docks. “Do we have free swim with them?” Regulus panicked, breaking the silence between him and James. “Yes.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I thought you knew.”.
“I didn’t.”
“Sorry. If I knew you didn’t know I would’ve told you.”
“It’s fine.” Regulus grumbled, sitting as far away from Pandora as he could.

Ten minutes into free-swim Pandora walked over to him and said: “Are you still coming to my cottage tonight for our day off? I don’t really care what you do I just need to know for when I order the taxi. “I don’t want to go to your cottage.”
“Nobody’s forcing you.”
“If you don’t go to Pandora’s cottage where are you going to go?” James budded in.
“None of your business Potter.” Regulus snapped, not really knowing the answer himself.
“I just want to make sure you have somewhere to go and that you’re safe.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Regulus, you have to stop being an arse to everyone who cares about you. I’m sick of you taking everything out on me when shit goes down in your life, and soon James will get sick of you snapping at him as well. I understand you’re upset, we are trying to help you.”
“If you’re sick of me then stop talking to me.” Regulus argued, fighting back tears. He always knew it would come to this.

Regulus was two south sides of a magnet. He pushed people away. He made it impossible for people to stay, to be there for him. He repealed their love like bug spray to a mosquito. Loving him wasn’t hard, it was impossible. Nobody stuck around forever.

“You know that’s not what I ment. I care about you, but I’m not going to let you walk all over me.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” Pandora said, getting up and walking to the other side of the dock.

Regulus spent the rest of the period and the next one with his head down fighting back tears. When he got back to the cabin he grabbed his phone and booked a hotel for the night. When the website asked for his bank details he finally checked his bank account, and realized just how rich his family was.

He had enough money in his account to never work a day in his life, and still live extremely comfortably. After noticing that he changed his hotel from a single room to a sweet, just because he could.

He then ordered a taxi and waited for the text that it arrived. While he waited he packed a pair of pyjamas, his book as well as his Kindle, laptop, wallet and clothes for the next day. “Where are you staying Regulus?” James asked.
“None of your business.”
“Are you going to be safe?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, text me when you get there so I know you’re okay. Also, my mom is up at our cottage so if something happens you can always go there.”
“I won’t.” Regulus stated, and James didn’t respond to this.

Leo walked over to Regulus’ bed and hugged him. “I’m going to miss you.”
“I’m going to miss you too Leo.”
“You promise you’re coming back tomorrow?”
“Of course. I’ll be back after dinner.”
“Pinkey promise.” Leo asked, holding out his pinky finger.
“Pinky promise.” Regulus agreed, locking his pinkey finger with Leo’s.

Just then, he got a text that his Taxi was ready, “Okay, I have to go now, bye boys.”
“Bye.” They all said, including James.

Regulus told the driver the address of the hotel and 20 minutes later he was there. He checked in and went straight to the room where he immediately took a long hot shower.

After he got out of the shower he looked around the room to see that the hotel hadn’t removed the alcohol from the fridge. “Perfect.” Regulus said to himself.

Regulus opened the bottle and began to drink, feeling comforted by the warm feeling that went down his throat. He opened his laptop and turned on To the Bone as he continued to drink.

******************

Once the movie was over Regulus had drunk the entire bottle. That was when he had the great idea to call James. The phone didn’t even get through the first ring before James answered “Regulus?” James asked, sounding worried.
“Hi James. Do you want to know something? My mom kinda sucks.” Regulus said and started laughing. “I just finished a movie and this girl’s mom fed her from a baby bottle because she cared. I always thought that part was kinda weird though because the girl is an adult. I wouldn’t want my mom to feed me out of a baby bottle. Not that she would if I asked to. She fucking hates me. Did you know she didn’t call me on my birthday, and then when she did call me she didn’t say anything to me about it. Isn’t that funny?”

“Regulus where are you?”
“I’m at a hotel.” Regulus giggled.
“Are you with someone?”
“No. Pandora is right. I’m terrible to all my friends.” Regulus continued to laugh.
“Regulus, can you send me your location and room number?”
“Why?”
“Can you just send it to me?”
“Anything for you Jamie bear.” Regulus said, texting James his location and room number. “Thank you Regulus. Can you promise me that you’ll stay in the hotel room.”
“But what if I want to go for a walk?”
“Promise me you won’t.”
“Fineeee, but I’m mad at you.”
“That’s okay. Regulus can you make me another promise?”
“What is it?”
“Promise you won’t call your family.”
“Oh I can promise that. I hate my family. Well actually, I don’t hate them, I probably should though shouldn’t I?”
“This is a conversation we can have when you’re sober, just promise me you won’t call them.”
“Okayyy.”

“Regulus I have to hang up now because I’m with the boys, will you be okay?”
“Oh yes, I’ll be great. Tell the boys that I say hi.”
“I will. Keep your promises okay.”
“Yes sir.” Regulus said and hung up. Regulus started laughing again. The room was so big, and he was just one person.

Regulus heard knocking on the door, and he realized he had no idea how long it had been since he called James. “Regulus are you in there?” he heard his brother’s worried voice. “Sirius?”
“Regulus hi, can you open the door for me please?”
“I guess so.” Regulus said, getting up and almost tripping several times as he walked over to open the door.

“Sirius! I didn’t know you were coming!” Regulus cheered, wrapping his brother in a hug. “Regulus how much have you had to drink?” Sirius asked, putting his arms around Regulus “A lot. I think there is more, do you want some.”
“No. Why don’t we sit down.”
“Okay.”.

Once Regulus was sitting on the bed Sirius grabbed an empty glass and went to the bathroom. When he came back he handed Regulus a glass of water. “Drink this.”
“This isn’t alcohol silly.”
“No, I think you’ve had enough alcohol for one night.”
“Awww.”
“I’m going to order room service. What do you want.”
“Whatever is the most expensive. Sirius, I have so much fucking money.” Regulus said and started laughing again. “I’m not going to do that. I’m getting you a pizza or something since you’ll probably throw it up tomorrow morning.”
“I guess pizza is fine.”. Regulus sighed.

A little while later the food came. Sirius put a couple of slices on a plate for Regulus and handed it to him “Don’t drop it.”
“Okay.”

Regulus ate the pizza, which ended up being quite good. Sirius turned on the TV and they watched it together until Regulus fell asleep.

Saturday

When Regulus woke up he immediately ran for the toilet. As he was throwing up Sirius had the audacity to hit him with a pillow. “Stop.” Regulus complained as he held onto the toilet like his life depended on it. “Are you insane?!” Sirius yelled, which didn’t help the headache.

“What.”
“Picture this, I’m relaxing in the cabin with Remus. Suddenly, my phone rings. I look to see who it is. “Hey James.” I say as I answer the phone. Do you have a guess what James said?” Sirius waited. Regulus didn’t say anything. “Siriuis Regulus just called me drunk from a hotel room. I’m really worried about him, but I can’t leave the boys alone. What if something happens? Sirius, I don’t know what to do.” Sirius says, doing a pretty good impression of James.

“So I say. James where is he, I’ll go make sure the little shit is okay. I get in the car and drive to this hotel, to find you drunk out of your mind without a care in the world!” Sirius said, hitting Regulus with the pillow again.

“It’s my day off. You’ve never gotten drunk on your day off.” Regulus said, still holding the toilet. “Usually when I’m getting drunk on my day off I’m doing it with my friends and not going on about my complicated relationship with my family.”
“I guess we can’t all be as perfect as you.”
“Regulus, stop putting this on me. I was worried about you. James was worried about you.”
“Then stop worrying.”
“You’re such a prick.” Sirius said.
“Why are you even still here, it’s not your day off.”
“Activities haven’t started yet. I’m still here to make sure you’re okay, and take you to the Potter’s.”
“I’m fine, and I’m not going to the Potter’s.”
“Oh yes you are.” Sirius said, leaving the bathroom.

Regulus followed him out to see him packing all Regulus’ stuff. “Hey, stop.”
“No, you help.” Sirius said, shoving more stuff into Regulus’ bag.
“I’m not going to the Potter’s!”
“Yes, you are, because you clearly can’t be trusted on your own.”.
“I’m not going.” Regulus argued, planting himself down on the floor.

*************

Sirius parked the car in front of the Potter’s cottage, unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door. “Sirius no.”
“Get out of the car Regulus.”. Regulus didn’t move.

Sirius grabbed Regulus’ bag and knocked on the front door. Reluctantly, Regulus followed. Mrs.Potter’s face lit up when she saw Sirius and Regulus standing at the door. “Hi boys.”
“Hi Effie.” Sirius said.
“Hi Mrs.Potter.” Regulus said.
“Oh please, call me Effie. Come in.”.

Regulus walked into the cottage to see a picture-perfect home. There were pictures of James at various ages all over the place and the ones where James was older, included Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily, Mary, Marlene and Dorcas.

Sirius placed Regulus’ bag on the ground and ran to the pantry. “Effie, can I take a muffin for the road?” Sirius asked.
“Of course dear, you don’t even have to ask. What can I get you Regulus?”
“I’m okay, thank you though.”
“Nonsense, I was about to make waffles for Monty and I, I’ll make you some as well.”. Regulus protested, but Mrs.Potter wasn’t hearing it.

Sirius started walking towards the door. “No Sirius don’t leave.” Regulus begged, knowing how awkward it would be with just him and the Potters. “I have to Reg, but I’m glad to hear you’ll miss me.” Sirius said, hugging Mrs.Potter and attempting to hug Regulus before leaving.

“Happy belated birthday Regulus. How does it feel being an adult now?”
“Thank you. It’s fine.”
“Oh you’ve got to have more to say than that.”
“Um, it was fun. My campers and James decorated the cabin for me. I went on the boat down at the point with my friends. Oh and James shoved my face into the cake.”. Mrs.Potter laughed. “He told me about that. I heard you got him back though.”
“I did.” Regulus smiled thinking back on the cake fight he had with James.
“Good, you have to keep James in check for me this summer.”.
“I’ll try.” Regulus laughed.

“How do you like your campers?”
“They’re sweet for the most part. There is this one boy Leo who is really sweet.”
“Is Leo you’re favourite?”
“I don’t have a favourite.” Regulus lied.
“Oh everyone has a favourite, even if it’s subconscious. Levi is James’ favourite.”
“Really?”
“He didn’t outright say it, he told me he thinks it’s mean to have a favourite, but I know my son.”.
“I guess Leo is probably my favourite, but I like them all. Well. Did James tell you about Logan?”
“He did.”
“I have a hard time liking Logan. I know I probably should because I’m his counsellor, but he just makes it hard.”
“I think James is in the same boat as you. I’ll tell you what I told him, you don’t have to feel bad about not liking him, he’s given you both a really hard time, but you do have to treat him like you like him. Does that make sense?” Mrs.Potter asked, putting the waffle mix in the waffle iron. “Yes, that makes sense.”.

A little later Mr.Potter came downstairs and they all ate breakfast together. Regulus realized afterwards that he had talked to the Potter more comfortably than he had ever talked to his parents during a meal.

As Regulus was helping load the dishwasher Mrs.Potter said “I’m going to go grocery shopping, the bookstore is right next to the grocery store if you would like to come Regulus.”
“I’ll come, thank you.” Regulus said.

On the drive, Mrs.Potter asked “How’s living with James?”
“It’s good.”
“You can tell me what you’re really thinking.”
“He has too much energy in the mornings.” Mrs.Potter laughed and said, he gets that from his father. The two of them are huge early birds, I’m more like you, I like my sleep.” Regulus smiled.

“Where would you like to go first, the grocery store or the bookstore?”
“I don’t care.”
“Alright, why don’t we go to the grocery store first and we can save the bookstore as a little treat for afterwards. That’s what I always do, but don’t tell Monty, he’s always telling me I spend too much money on books.” Regulus laughed.

To his surprise, Regulus quite enjoyed following Mrs.Potter around the grocery store and helping her pick out the perfect fruits. As they walked down the esilse with Advil Regulus grabbed some as he was out, and told Mrs.Potter he’d pay for it. “Oh nonsense. Is there anything else you need?”
“No, just Advil, and I can pay for it.”
“Regulus I’m paying for it.” Mrs.Potter smiled at him.

At checkout, Regulus tried to pay for his Advil, but Effie wouldn’t let him. However, Regulus did have a five-dollar bill in his pocket, so he snuck it into Mrs.Potter’s purse when she wasn’t looking.

At the bookstore, Mrs.Potter said “I’m going to go to the thriller section, I like to be there for a while so I can give every book a chance. Would you like to split up and meet up when we’re done.”
“That sounds good.” Regulus said, happy he would have a good amount of time to look through the books.

Regulus started at the poetry section where he picked up a few books, he then moved onto the horror section, he ended where he always ended, in the romance section. Not for him, he wouldn’t be caught dead reading a romance; but for Pandora. Whenever he went to the bookstore he always got her a romance book because she read those like they were oxygen to her lungs. She loved them, she loved the idea of falling in love, and she seemed to love watching it happen even more.

When Regulus asked her if they ever felt too predictable or repetitive she responded with isn’t your sad poetry predictable and repetitive, and Regulus realized she kinda had a point. However, Regulus would never make fun of her for what she chose to read, and he thought that people who did need to get a life. He never understood why people had so much to say about other people reading romance books. If that was what made them happy in this depressing world then let them have it.

Although Regulus was happy with the books he chose, he wasn’t sure how or when he was going to give Pandora her book. He thought about giving it to someone to give to her, but he didn’t want her to think it was his way of guilting her into forgiveness. He hated when his parents did that, and swore to himself he would never do that to anyone in his life.

After he picked out all his books he went to meet up with Mrs.Potter. Regulus realized that the book he had gotten for Pandora, The Long Game by Elena Armas, was on the top, and Mrs.Potter was eyeing it. “Oh, that’s not for me. I’m getting it for my friend Pandora.”
“You don’t have to be ashamed of what you read darling.”
“No, it really is for Pandora.”
“Okay.” Mrs.Potter said, but Regulus had a feeling she didn’t believe him.

Regulus tried to pay for his own books but Mrs.Potter wasn’t having any of it. Before he could even hand the lady checking him out his gift card Mrs.Potter had already paid. Regulus then insisted on paying for her books but she wouldn’t let him do that either.

***************

When Regulus and Mrs.Potter arrived back at the cottage they spent the rest of the day reading their books together by the lake until Mrs.Potter drove him back to camp. When Regulus walked into the cabin all the boys ran up to him, and Leo practically jumped into his arms.

Regulus tried to avoid eye contact with James, but only lasted a few seconds. His drunk call to James had been running in his head for the entire day, and he was dreading when he would have to inevitably talk about it.

“Hey.” Regulus said awkwardly.
“Hi, how are you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay.”

There was an awkward silence throughout the cabin, which was probably the first time the cabin had been silent since before the campers arrived. “We’re painting tonight.” Levi cheered, breaking the silence.
“That sounds fun.” Regulus said in response.
“James said we have to go when you get back, and now you’re here. We have to go now.”
“All right, you lead the way.” Regulus said, which seemed to excite Levi.

As they walked to the Arts and Crafts building Regulus was nïevly hoping that he and James could walk in silence. However, that wasn’t the case. “So um, last night was,” James paused “eventful.”
“You could say that.”
“You really scared me Regulus.”
“Sorry.”
“No, I don’t want you to apologize. I want you to talk to me. What happened?”
“I got drunk and thought it would be a good idea to call you.”
“I know that. Why?”
“I guess I was upset, then I started drinking. One thing led to another.”
“Regulus, you can’t do that. I was really worried something was going to happen to you. You didn’t even care. You didn’t think about how what you were doing would affect everyone else.”
“Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. I know you were upset, and I really don’t mean to make this about me, but I was freaking out. I had to call Sirius, then I had to call my parents. I couldn’t calm down until an hour after Sirius texted me saying he was with you, but you didn’t give a single shit about that. You thought everything you do could only affect you negatively, but it doesn’t. What you do affects me, it affects Sirius and it affects your friends.”.

This surprised Regulus. James didn’t sound mad, but upset. James was right, Regulus didn’t think about him. He didn’t think about how any of it would affect James, and Sirius didn’t even cross his mind.

“I didn’t mean to worry you.”
“Thanks.” James said, his voice dripping with sarcasm as walked over to join Levi and Aaron’s conversation.

It didn’t get any better for Regulus when they got to the Arts and Crafts building. Pandora seemed to have no interest in talking to him. Evan, who was helping run the evening program, also didn’t seem to want to talk to him. Regulus spent the hour sitting in the corner and watching, not talking to anyone.

The walk back to the cabin was just as silent as the activity. Since Regulus was on OD he changed into pyjamas and grabbed the book he had been reading at the Potter’s cottage.

The boys eventually went to sleep so Regulus brought out his Kindle so he could read in the dark. When he heard the door opening he turned off his Kindle and pretended to be asleep. Regulus then spent the next few hours staring at the wall in the dark, until he eventually fell asleep.

Sunday

When James woke Regulus up, he wasn’t as patient as he usually was. Regulus took this to mean that he was still mad. Regulus slowly sat up, trying his best not to let the pain show on his face. The last thing he needed was James feeling bad for him.

Eventually, Regulus got out of bed and got ready for breakfast. Just as he was about to get his shoes on James asked: “Is there anything you need?”
“What?” Regulus responded, confused.
“Do you need to take Advil or something?”
“I’m fine. If I really need to I’ll take some after breakfast.”
“Why not just take it now?” James seemed really worried as he said this.
“I don’t know why you’re so worried about when I take Advil.”
“You're right. Forget I said anything.” James said, putting on his shoes and following Regulus out the door. The walk to breakfast was silent.

When they arrived at their table Dr.Pomfrey was already there, looking way too awake for how early it was. As Regulus sat down beside Dr.Pomfrey she asked “How was your day off yesterday?”
“It was good.” Regulus said, not wanting to get into it.
“Did you have enough to eat?” Dr.Pomfrey asked as she put several waffles on Regulus’ plate. “Yes.”
“Good.”

Regulus never wanted to eat, but he often found when everything in his life was going to shit, he wanted to eat even less. Everyone was mad at him. His parents didn’t give a fuck about him and he kept fucking everything up.

Needless to say, Dr.Pomfrey was really earning her paycheck during breakfast as she fought with Regulus to eat. Halfway through the meal it had gotten to the point where they had to go somewhere more private to eat.

As they sat outside Regulus stated for what felt like the millionth time “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” Dr. Pomfrey responded for the millionth time.
“Please.”
“Darling, I know this is hard for you, but you have to eat.”
“No.” Regulus choked out.
“Regulus dear, I know you don’t like this, but trust me when I say that you’re going to like this a lot more than the alternative.”
“You don’t understand, I can’t.”
“I know it feels that way, but you can, and every time you do it’s going to get easier.”

Regulus had only made a small amount of progress on his waffles when people started to leave the dinning hall. As James and the boys came out he felt several little arms wrap around him. Leo sat down beside Regulus and said: “The waffles are very yummy Regulus. Did you know that at home my dad used to make me waffles every weekend.”
“Really, that’s nice of him.”
“Ya, I like my dad a lot.”
“That’s great.”

Regulus looked at Dr.Pomfrey and asked “Can I be done?”
“Finish the rest of that waffle and that can be enough for now.” she responded, which was a better answer than Regulus thought he was going to get.

It took another 5 minutes before Regulus finished the waffle. James and the boys had decided to wait for him to finish, and they all walked back to the cabin together.

Levi was the first to get back to the cabin. He went to open the door, but couldn’t seem to get it open. He tried a couple more times but still couldn’t get it. As Levi was struggling he heard a small laugh escape James “Was this you?” Regulus asked, already knowing the answer. “The Marauder’s weekly prank.” James cheered, with the biggest grin on his face.
“Your prank was to lock us out of the cabin?”
“Our prank is to lock everyone out of their cabin.”.

As James said this, Regulus realized that every cabin in view had people standing outside, struggling to get the door open. “How did you even do this?” Regulus said, mentally calculating how many cabins there were and how little time they had been gone. “Let’s just say that nobody notices if you skip breakfast when you’re an activity staff.”.
“How are we going to get in the cabin?”
“Beats me.” James grinned.

Regulus dramatically walked over to the grass to lay down. “Do you need this?” James asked, holding out Advil. “Did you go through my stuff and take my Advil?”
“No, this is mine. I wasn’t sure if you would need it.” James said, sitting down next to Regulus. “I’m fine. It’s not really that bad today.”
“Okay.”.

There was an awkward silence for a moment until James said: “You don’t seem that upset about our prank.”
“Unlike my parents, I learned a long time ago that with Sirius it’s easier to just let it happen and eventually he’ll get bored, and since the 4 of you share a brain cell you’re probably the same way.”
“So if I did this,” James said, pulling grass out of the ground and throwing it at Regulus’ face “you would just let me do it.”.

Trying to prove a point, Regulus didn’t react. “You think I'm going to get bored, but I know it’s annoying you.”. Regulus still didn’t react. James grabbed a handful of grass and ran his hand through Regulus’ hair, spreading grass throughout his hair. This is where Regulus drew the line.

He sat up and pushed James to the ground, pinning his arms down. He then grabbed a handful of his own grass and shoved it in James’ face and hair. James laughed. “Fuck you, you’re not supposed to laugh.”. Regulus complained as he felt the vibration of James’ laugh run through him. “I was right.” James said.
“I hate you.” Regulus retorted.

Suddenly James’ expression turned very serious “I don’t want to be upset with you.”. Regulus took this as his cue to get off of James.
“It’s okay that you are, I deserve it.”
“But I don’t like being upset with you. I was just really scared after you called me drunk out of your mind.” James said, sitting up.
“I understand. I promise I won’t do that or anything else to scare you again.” Regulus said, conscious of not saying sorry, since Jamees apparently didn’t like that.
“Thank you.” James said, hugging Regulus. Regulus hugged him back, resting his head on James’ shoulder.

Just then, McGonagall appeared and said: “Potter, would you happen to have anything to do with the fact that nobody can get into their cabins?”. James didn’t even deny it, he just started laughing. “Might I ask how we are supposed to fix this problem?” McGonagall said, and Regulus could have sworn she was trying to look mad to cover up a laugh of her own.

“Well if the doors are locked, there is only one thing that can be done.”. James said through a laugh. Just then, Regulus looked to see that the windows had been open. However, these windows were quite high up. “Potter, I can’t send kids through those windows, you’ll crack your skull open on the way down.”
“Oh don’t worry Minnie, we Marauders think of everything, we put mattresses under the windows.”
“The four of you are going to go to every cabin and unlock the doors for them. If any of you hurt yourselves doing this I’m sending you all home. Also, you four can stay after meals and help the kitchen staff clean the dishes.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less Minnie.” James said, not at all phased by the punishment. Although Regulus figured at this point he was probably so used to it. “I have to go find Black, Lupin and Pettigrew and tell them what I just told you. You can start by doing the cabins in this area.” McGonagall said, and walked away.

James looked at Regulus and asked: “Can you give me a lift?” Regulus looked up at the window. “You’re an idiot.” he said, getting up to help him.

“I can’t believe I got stuck helping you fix your mess.” Regulus complained as he crouched down so James could get on his shoulders. “Shhhh.” James said, putting a finger to Regulus’ mouth. Regulus rolled his eyes as he held James’ legs and walked towards the window.

Looking up, he watched James’ upper body disappear into the cabin. “Is there a mattress there?” Regulus asked.
“Awww, are you worried about me?” James teased.
“I’ll shove you through that window.” Regulus retorted.
“No need.” James said as he leaned forward and fell through the window. Regulus waited to hear a crash, but he didn’t. A few seconds later, James opened the front door.

The boys cheered as Regulus looked inside the cabin to see that the mattress on the floor was his, and knew it had to be Sirius who locked this cabin. “He’s such an arse.” Regulus said, picking up his mattress off the floor and putting it back on his bed.

After putting all his stuff back where it was supposed to be as Sirius was not shy about leaving a mess, Regulus then got roped into helping James unlock the other cabins in the area.

However, the prank ended up being the most eventful part of the day. As it was an open open day Regulus accompanied Leo and Ethan who were perfectly content to play around in the shallow area of the lake all morning. After lunch, Regulus learned that the morning wasn’t enough for them and went back with them to splash around some more.

Evening program was a movie night, and after a long day in the sun, Regulus was happy to sit back and watch a movie, even if that movie was Shrek. Pandora spent the entire movie avoiding his gaze and sat as far away from him as possible. He took this as a hint that she had no interest in talking to him. Regulus also assumed that Barty, Evan and Dorcas also wouldn’t want to talk to him.

All Regulus wanted to do was lie down and relax in his cabin, but he didn’t want to look pathetic to the person on OD and tell them they could do whatever they wanted because he had no friends who wanted to hang out with him. To combat this, he took his Kindle, walked out into the forest and read until 1 a.m. when he went back to his cabin and went to bed.

Chapter Text

TW
Eating disorder (not wanting to eat, but it is brought up a lot less than in previous chapters)

Monday

Just like every morning, the sound of James’ alarm went off as Regulus pulled the covers over his head. Regulus heard shuffling around the cabin as he closed his eyes. A few minutes later James pulled Regulus covers down and the bright light of the cabin shined right in his face. Regulus buried his face in his pillow. “Regulus you have to get up.” James laughed.

Leo jumped up onto Regulus' bed and sat on top of him “You have to wake up Regulus.” Leo said, shaking him. Regulus put his arm over his chest. James seemed to pick up on this as he picked Leo up off of Regulus. At this, Regulus sat up and tried to keep the pain from showing on his face as he sat up.

He must’ve done a pretty bad job at it as Leo asked “What’s wrong Regulus?”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Regulus replied.
“You look like something hurts.” Leo said, looking upset.
“I just have a bit of a headache. I’m fine you don’t need to worry.”. To make a point, Regulus stood up.

Regulus quickly got ready and they all left for breakfast. As they were walking James asked, “How are you really?”
“Fine.”
“Okay.” James was silent for a moment before saying “You can always talk to me if you’re not fine.”
“But I am fine.”
“Hypothetically if you’re not fine though.”
“James stop worrying so much. Everything’s fine.”
“Okay.”

***********

At breakfast, Regulus showed how he was actually not fine while he freaked out about the concept of eating even half a bagel. Dr.Pomfrey ended up having to take him outside to finish the rest. However, once he was outside, Regulus could no longer hold back his tears, so on top of arguing with Dr.Pomfrey about eating, he was also crying in front of her. By the time Regulus had finally eaten enough to satisfy Dr.Pomfrey, breakfast was over and she had to walk him back to his cabin because she “didn’t think he would make smart choices” if he walked back alone.

When he entered the cabin all of the boys were in their bathing suits. “What do we have first?” Regulus asked, acting like everything was fine and he didn’t just have to be escorted back to his cabin. James gave him the look of someone who was about to deliver bad news as he said “Sailing.”. Fuck Regulus thought, he felt like he just couldn’t catch a break. Dorcas would be down at the point, and probably sailing one of the boats. Along with everyone else, Dorcas, rightly so was also not happy with Regulus for being a shitty friend to Pandora.

“I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think.” James said as they walked down to the beach. “Who said it was going to be bad?” Regulus replied.
“Regulus, I can tell by the look on your face that you aren’t excited.”
“There’s no look on my face.”
“And I’m not wearing glasses.” James replied sarcastically. Regulus rolled his eyes. The rest of the walk was silent.

When they arrived at the point, Dorcas and Remus were there waiting with a bunch of life jackets in hand. “Hey boys, are you ready to go sailing?” Dorcas asked and the boys cheered.
“We’re going to take two different sailboats so split up into two groups.” Remus directed. The boys began to talk to one another and a few minutes later managed to get themselves into two groups. “We want Regulus on our boat.” Leo said.
“Okay, you guys will be with me. Remus you take James and his group.”. Dorcas said.

James’ face broke into a grin as he jumped up into Remus’ arms. To Regulus’ surprise, Remus seemed to be ready for this and caught him. Regulus, however, felt if he knew that James was going to try to jump in his arms, he would step to the side and let James fall.

“Follow me.” Dorcas said as she began to walk towards the dock. Regulus followed behind the boys, making sure none of them got left behind.

Dorcas held the boat as they all got on, after everyone was on she got on herself and untied the rope holding them to the dock. Regulus purposely sat at the front of the boat, knowing Dorcas would have to sit at the back.

However, Dorcas seemed to want to talk to him because she said: “Regulus come sit at the back with me.” as more of a demand than a request. Regulus obliged, as the last thing you want to do when Dorcas is upset with you is to ignore her.

“What the fuck did you do?” Dorcas said, getting straight to the point. All the boys started to giggle. “She said fuck.” Andrew laughed. Dorcas, seeming to remember she was on a boat with 8-year-olds said: “What did you do and why won’t Pandora tell me?”. This surprised Regulus, he had thought that by now, Pandora had told everyone everything, he definitely deserved it. “What did she say?” Regulus asked.
“She wouldn’t talk about it, but whatever you did she’s clearly upset, and Pandora doesn’t get mad easily, especially with you.”
“I-” Regulus looked up to see the boys not so subtly eavesdropping “I wasn’t very nice to her.”.

Dorcas seemed to notice that Regulus was holding back because of the boys and said: “You know what, I don’t really care what it was you did. What I do care about is Pandora. She does nothing but look out for you. She’s better than all of us put together. Whatever you did you better apologize for it and make it up to her x5. She’s been there for you through it all and you’re not going to forget that. She was really upset on our day off, and I know it was your fault.”.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said quietly.
“Don’t apologize to me.”

Dorcas was right. Pandora is the kind of person who will bend over backwards for the people she loves. She is loyal to them, almost to a fault. She cares. She gives and she gives, but she never worries about receiving. As long as the people around her are happy, she is happy. She is so pure. So genuine. She is like a shot of espresso. She’s like being bathed in sunlight. She’s incredibly energetic and enthusiastic. Pandora is that one person that comes into your life and makes everything better. She makes you happy. She makes you feel complete. Not quite like a soulmate, but if you can believe, better than a soulmate.

“Is Pandora your girlfriend?” Caleb asked, interrupting Regulus’ train of thought.
“No.” Regulus responded.
“Did she break up with you, is that what Dorcas is talking about?” Ethan asked. Dorcas laughed. “No, Pandora and I are not dating. We never were dating. We’re friends okay.”
“Do you have a crush on Pandora?” Mateo asked.
“No, we are friends.”
“Are you sure?” Andrew asked.
“Yes.”.
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Leo asked. Dorcas laughed and said:
“No, Regulus is single.” Regulus glared at Dorcas.
“That’s okay Regulus, I’m sure you’ll find someone.” Leo stated.
“Thank you Leo.”.

After a while, Dorcas said: “If you boys want to jump in the water you can, just make sure your life jackets are tied to one of the ropes.”. The boys began to tie their life jackets to the ropes and before Regulus could even process what was happening, he was in the water. When Regulus resurfaced, Dorcas said: “That’s for whatever you did to Pandora.” Regulus couldn’t argue with that, he definitely deserved it.

It wasn’t too long before they had to head back to the dock. They ended up sailing back right beside James and Remus’ boat. The boys decided it would be a fun game to try and jump from boat to boat. Regulus could tell that both Remus and Dorcas thought about telling them to stop, but the boys seemed to be having a lot of fun so they let them keep doing it.

When they arrived back at the dock Dorcas tied the boost and held it still for all of them to get off. Regulus got off last, making sure all the boys got off okay. As he himself stepped off the boat Dorcas said “Fix whatever you did to Pandora.”. Regulus nodded.

**********

Regulus didn’t see Pandora until lunch. However, Dr.Pomfrey wouldn’t let him leave until he finished his food, which was a whole other thing for Regulus. He didn’t end up starting to eat until halfway through lunch, and didn’t end up finishing until after everyone had already left and people were starting to clean up.

However, after lunch there was a little bit of time until their next period, so Regulus went to Pandora’s cabin. When he knocked on the door he heard Lily’s voice say “Come in.”. When Regulus opened the door and walked into the cabin he didn’t see Pandora anywhere. “Do you know where Pandora is?” he asked.
“No, but she doesn’t want to talk to you.” Lily said. Regulus was about to reply when he heard Pandora’s voice from the bathroom say “No I’m here! I’m coming!”.

Regulus could tell by the look on Lily’s face when Pandora came running that she thought Pandora was better off without Regulus. Lily gave Pandora a look that could only say “Don’t talk to him” which was fair, he was quite the dick to Pandora. Pandora looked at Lily with her signature “Everything is okay” look that Regulus knew quite well. It was the look she gave someone when she was trying to reassure them she was okay when she wasn’t.

Pandora walked outside, Regulus followed. Regulus was about to start to apologize when Pandora asked “Are you okay?”
“What?” Regulus asked, confused.
“Are you here to tell me that you’re being sent home?” Pandora asked with tears in her eyes. “No, why would I be going home?” Regulus asked, not thinking that this was how the conversation was going to start. “Evan told me that Peter was saying on our day off you got drunk out of your mind and ended up at the Potter’s, and I know you're not eating a lot with Dr.Pomfrey. I thought maybe you came to tell me you were going home?”
“No, I’m staying here. I came to apologize to you. I’ve been such an arse to you. I was upset and scared and I took everything out on you. I’m the one fucking my life up, not you. All you’ve ever done is care for me and support me, and I blamed everything wrong with me on you. I shouldn’t have done that. Especially not to you. You’re my best friend, and I treated you like shit. I’m really really sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, but you deserve an apology.”. Regulus said.

Pandora wrapped her arms around Regulus “I thought you were going home to your parents.” Pandora said. Regulus wrapped his arms around Pandora as she began to cry. “I’m not going home, I’m okay.”
“I really fucking hate you right now.” Pandora said.
“That’s fair.”
“I was just trying to help you. Not only did you push me away like you always do when it gets bed, but you treated me like shit.” Pandora said, breaking out of the hug and wiping her tears. “I know. I’m really sorry.”
“You can’t do that. It’s not fair. I want to help you and care about you without feeling terrible about myself.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that. I get that you're sorry. All I want is to know that you won’t do that again.”
“I promise I won’t. I shouldn’t have blamed my faults on you when you’re the one who brings out the smallest bit of good in me. I promise that no matter how bad I get, I won’t put it on you.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me, I’m doing the bare minimum.” Regulus said, and Pandora laughed at this. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.”
“I know. Without me you end up drunk dialing James.”
“Don’t remind me.” Regulus said.
“You’re going to have to tell me all about it and all the things you said to him so I can tease you.”
“I’m not telling you anything, you know enough.”
“That’s okay, I’ll just ask James.”
“No.”
“Yes.”. Pandora laughed, and Regulus knew at that moment that everything would be okay between them. It was obvious that Pandora was still upset and hurt by what Regulus had said to her, but it would soon be a thing of the past.

************

Regulus went back to his cabin happy that if he had one thing in this world it was Pandora. Pandora was everything to him. She understood him better than he understood himself. She made him laugh when it felt like the world was ending. She was the first person he came out to. She wasn’t just his best friend, she was a part of him. His favourite part of him.

The rest of the day went on, and Regulus felt lighter. Life wasn’t perfect, it never was, but he felt like he could breathe again. James and Regulus watched as the boys enjoyed their last few activities before going back to the cabin to get ready for dinner.

Although it still took a lot of convincing to get him to eat, Regulus did a lot better than he had at lunch. At evening program Regulus hung out with Pandora as they watched the kids run around playing whatever game they were supposed to be playing.

Once evening program had ended there was a staff meeting that all staff were required to go to. Regulus and James brought the boys back to the cabin and waited for the older camper who would be staying in the cabin with them to arrive.

As they were walking towards the dining hall which was where the meeting was James said: “It looks like things are good with Pandora again.”
“Mind your business Potter.”. Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus could see James smile. “I’m glad everything is okay with you two. You seem the most yourself around her.”
“Shut up.”
“Awww, you care. I knew there was a soft side to you.”. Regulus shoved James, taking him off guard and causing him to fall over. James sat up and pulled Regulus’ leg, causing him to lose his balance.

James laughed as he stood up and offered out his hand to help Regulus up, Regulus thought about ending his strike of not taking James’ hand, but decided against it. He got up on his own and continued to walk towards the dinning hall. James, not at all phased, continued after him, making jokes the rest of the way.

When James and Regulus arrived at the dinning hall it was already quite chaotic. Since all staff were required to be there, there were a lot of different groups merging. Regulus looked around for Pandora when he felt someone lightly shove him from behind. He turned around to see Sirius.

“Pads!” James cheered, literally jumping into Sirius’ arms.
“Prongs!” Sirius cheered as he caught him.
“You guys are weird.” Regulus said.
“Aww Reggie, you know you love us.” Sirius teased.
“I really don’t.”
“Don’t listen to him Prongs, he doesn’t know what he feels.”
“I’m leaving.” Regulus said, walking away. Naturally, Sirius followed, still holding James.

“Wait, no Reg, how are you?” Sirius asked.
“Fine.” Regulus replied. Sirius stared at him and waited. After 10 seconds of silence, Sirius said: “Are you not going to ask me how I am?”
“How are you Sirius?”
“I am great dear brother, thank you for asking.”
“Good for you.”. Just then Dumbledore called for everyone to find a table and sit down.

Regulus looked around and saw Pandora, Dorcas, Barty and Evan all sitting at a table. He walked over to their table and everyone looked at Pandora, silently asking her if she was okay. “Come sit.” Pandora said, making room beside her for Regulus. When Regulus sat down Dorcas smiled at him.

Dumbledore went on for way too long about what was going to happen this week, how they were supposed to treat the campers and stuff like that. The big event for the week was Visitor’s Day, which was the day all the camper’s parents came to camp and got to spend the day with their kids. He finally finished by saying “The board to pick your day off is up now, please put your name under the day you want before you leave. Remember you can’t have the same day off as your co-counsellor and not too many activity staff of the same activity can have the same day. Also, you can’t have Visitor’s Day off.”.

“Let’s do a weekday this time, things will probably be less busy.” Barty said and everyone seemed to agree. James came over to their table and asked “What day do you want Regulus? Us Marauders would prefer Friday but we are happy to do any day.”
“Tell Pete he’s on his own on Wednesday.” Barty declared. James smiled
“Will do.”.

After putting down their names for Wednesday they were told to go back to their cabins. James and Regulus said goodbye to their friends and began to walk back to the cabin. As they were walking James silently pulled a cookie out of his pocket and began to eat it. When he caught Regulus staring he said “It’s called having friends everywhere. Want some?”
“I don't want your pocket cookie.”
“But my pocket cookie is delicious.”
“More for you.”
“If you’re sure.” James said, shoving the rest of the cookie into his mouth.

Once they were changed into their pajamas James asked “Do you want to watch something? I’m not tired yet.”
“As long as it’s not Lego Batman again.”
“What movie do you want to watch?”
“What movies do you have downloaded?”
“I have Miss Americana.”. Regulus smiled and said
“Of course you do, sure let’s watch that.”

Together, they sat on James’ bed and watched not only Miss Americana, but also the Reputation Stadium Tour before they finally went to bed.

Tuesday

Regulus pulled the covers over his head when James’ alarm went off just like he did every morning. When the covers got pulled away, Regulus looked up expecting to see James, but instead, he saw Leo. “It’s morning time.” Leo stated.
“What if I want to sleep through morning time?” Regulus asked, slowly sitting up and trying to ignore the pain in his head. “You can’t.” Leo said, pulling Regulus out of bed.

Regulus looked up to see James laughing at him being pulled out of bed by an eighty-year-old. “Okay, I’m getting up.” Regulus said, although his getting out of bed was not voluntary. Regulus got ready and they all left for breakfast.

As they began to walk towards the dinning hall James began to make conversation like he usually did. However, this time Leo decided to join in on their conversation. “Should I be expecting a call tonight?” James asked. It took Regulus a minute to figure out what James was talking about, then he remembered his drunken call to James on his last day off. “No.” Regulus sighed.
“Wait, why would Regulus call you if he can just talk to you?” Leo asked.
“I’m going on my day off tonight.”
“But you just had your day off.” Leo said, suddenly looking really upset.
“I had my day off last week, this is a new week so I have another day off.” Regulus explained. “No, you can’t go again this soon.” Leo said, starting to cry.

Regulus wrapped Leo in a hug, “I won’t be gone long. You won’t even notice that I’m gone.”
“Yes I will. I know when people are gone, I’m not stupid!” Leo yelled, pushing Regulus off him. “I didn't mean it like that, I think you’re very smart Leo. I meant that you’re going to be having so much fun that time will fly by.” Regulus said.
“No it won’t!” Leo argued.
“Leo, you’re still going to have me, and all your cabin mates are going to be here.” James said, motioning to all the boys who were now watching.
“Ya Leo, I’ll still be here.” Ethan added. “No! I want Regulus!”.

As Leo said that, Snape walked by “If I were you, I’d be looking forward to Black’s day off.”. At this, Leo cried harder.
“Keep walking Snape.” James said.
“I’m just telling the kid what I think.” Snape grumbled.
“Okay, you told him. Goodbye.” James retorted. Snape rolled his eyes, but to Regulus’ surprise, kept walking.

“What if I promise to stay right beside your side until I leave?” Regulus asked.
“But I want you to stay.” Leo said, grabbing onto Regulus’ arm.
“How about this, tonight if you want you can ask James to call me, tomorrow morning you can call me when you wake up and at lunch you can call me again.”.
“You promise?” Leo asked, wiping away his tears.
“Pinky promise.” Regulus said, holding out his pinky. Leo wrapped his pinky around Regulus’ as he continued to wipe away tears.

“Will you give me a piggyback to breakfast?” Leo asked.
“Of course.” Regulus said, turning around so Leo could get on his back.

***********

At breakfast, Leo took Dr.Pomfrey’s spot next to Regulus and made her sit further down the table. To Regulus’ surprise, Dr.Pomfrey didn’t protest. However, she did watch Regulus like a hawk while he ate his breakfast and moved the garbage to the other side of the table.

Their first activity was Boating, which was nice because it meant just sitting on a boat for an hour. When they arrived at the point, James once again jumped into Remus’ arms yelling “Moony!”.

“Are you taking us on the boat Moony?” James asked, still in his arms.
“Yes Prongs.” Remus said, not at all looking phased by the way James was leaching onto him. Remus handed out life jackets and directed them to the boat all while still holding James. When they got onto the boat Remus said: “Alright James, you have to get down so I can drive the boat.”
“Aww.” James said, dramatically sliding off of Remus.

“Everyone sit down.” Remus said, as he started the boat. Regulus took a seat near the back of the boat and laid his head back, trying to ignore the consistent pain it caused. “Regulus, can I sit on your lap?” Leo asked.
“Sure.”.

As the boat started to move Leo laid his head back, against Regulus’ life jacket. Regulus looked down to see that Leo had closed his eyes. That was when Regulus noticed how tired Leo looked. “Did you have trouble sleeping last night?” Regulus asked. “Mhm.” Leo said. Regulus took a towel and put it over Leo as a blanket.

James looked over at Regulus and smiled at him. When James smiled it wasn’t a simple smile. His eyes lit up, actually his whole face lit up. Regulus could see his perfectly straight teeth, and it reminded him of the few summers when he had braces. His smile was warm. If James was the sun, his smile was what made the sun shine so bright.

After about five minutes Remus stopped the boat and threw down the anchor. “Alright boys, you can jump off the boat, but you have to stay right by the boat okay. If any of you start swimming too far away you’ll spend the rest of this period sitting on the boat and watching everyone else swim.” All the boys nodded. Regulus could tell some of them looked a little bit scared of Remus. James must’ve picked up on this too because he said “Don’t worry boys, Moony isn’t scary he just looks tough.”. As he said this James grabbed Remus’s face and squished his cheeks. At this, Remus picked James up and threw him into the lake.

All the boys, including Regulus, laughed. James climbed back on the boat, picked up Remus and jumped back into the lake still holding Remus. One by one, the boys began to jump in the lake until it was just Regulus and Leo on the boat. It wasn’t long before Leo began to let out quiet little snores.

For the next hour, the boys splashed around in the water and got on the boat just to jump off of it again. James seemed to have the most fun out of everyone. When it was time to get on the boat and head back to the dock James sat down next to Regulus and whispered “Is he asleep?”. Regulus nodded. “You know, if he wasn’t passed out on your lap right now I would totally throw you in the lake.”. Regulus rolled his eyes. James smiled.

“What do you think is bothering him?” James asked, motioning at Leo.
“I don’t know, but I don’t think he got much sleep last night.”
“Poor kid.”
“Ya.” Regulus sighed.
“I’m surprised you offered to let him call you when he wakes up tomorrow, I would’ve thought you’d want to sleep in.”
“Sleeping in would be nice, but he seemed really upset, and what I cared most about was helping him. If it means I have to wake up early tomorrow it means I have to wake up early.”
“You’re so sweet.” James said teasingly.
“Shut up.” Regulus said, feeling himself turn red.

It was true, as much as Regulus didn’t want to wake up early tomorrow, he would much rather Leo be less upset. He remembered when he was a camper and would get upset about something his counsellors would just ignore it and wait for him to stop crying. Regulus slowly learned to wait until the lights were out to start silently crying to himself. It was so isolating, and he didn’t want any of his campers to feel like that. He wanted them to feel cared about.

When they arrived at the dock, Leo was still asleep. Regulus decided to pick him up and carry him to swim. At swim, he did have to wake Leo up, as the campers had to participate in their swim lessons. However, Leo refused to step foot on the dock unless Regulus went with him. Regulus gave in, wanting Leo to know he cared. When their swim lesson began, Leo refused to get in the water unless Regulus got in the water with him. Regulus tried to protest, as he was fully clothed, but Leo would let up.

When Leo gave up on begging, he just pushed Regulus into the lake. Since Regulus wasn’t expecting it, he fell right in. Mary, who was Leo’s swim teacher, started laughing. Regulus could also see Lily, James and Pandora laughing from the beach.

The water was freezing cold, and Regulus was dreading having to walk back to the cabin soaking wet with no towel. However, at this point, he was already in the water, and Leo argued that he might as well swim with him. Regulus couldn’t find a proper counter-argument to this. That was how Regulus Black ended up joining in on an eight-year-old’s swim lesson.

When they got out of the water Leo tried to give Regulus his towel, but Regulus refused. When they got onto the beach Leo was still trying to give Regulus his towel, which was when James wrapped Regulus in a hug saying: “I’ll dry you off.”. Regulus pushed James off him and said: “Now we’re both wet.”.
“But technically you’re dryer.”
“Technically you’re an idiot.”

***************

Leo spent the rest of the day by Regulus’ side, refusing to participate in any activity that Regulus wasn’t participating in. When it came time for Regulus to leave Leo was clinging onto him, refusing to let go. Regulus had the strength to push Leo off him and leave, but he felt that would be too mean.

“Leo you can call me tonight okay.” Regulus said as Leo dug his nails into Regulus’ arm. “No.”
“Leo, Regulus has to go now, you have to let go.” James said softly.
“No, I need Regulus.” Leo cried.
“What if I call James right now and you can talk to me while I leave? That way I’m not really leaving.” Regulus suggested.
“But you are leaving.”
“Think of it as a compromise, I’m leaving but you can still talk to me.”
“Can I still call you tonight?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, but promise you won’t hang up without telling me.”
“I promise.”.

James took out his phone and seconds later Regulus’ phone started ringing. Regulus answered the phone and heard his voice echo across the cabin. When James handed Leo his phone he reluctantly let go of Regulus’ arm. “I’m going to be back so soon. I promise.” Regulus said.
“I’m going to miss you.” Leo said.
“I’m going to miss you too.” Regulus said.

Regulus slowly got up, grabbed his bag and left the cabin. As he walked towards where he and his friends planned for the Uber to pick them up he continued to talk to Leo. “Leo, I’m about to get in the taxi now, is it okay if I hang up?
“Okay, but promise you will answer when I call you tonight?”
“I promise.”
“Goodbye.”
“Goodbye.”

As Regulus walked up to Barty and Evan, Barty asked: “Who were you just on the phone with?”
“A camper.”
“Aww, your campers miss you already.” Barty teased.
“Ya, clearly more than yours do.” Regulus said and Evan laughed.

Just then Pandora arrived followed by Dorcas. Shortly after, the Uber arrived. Pandora gave the driver the address to her cottage and 15 minutes later they were there. Pandora’s parents were spending the summer in Paris, meaning that they would have the cottage to themselves for all their days off.

They rushed into the cottage and threw down their bags. “We should probably start the movies now so we have time to finish them all and sleep.” Pandora said. The five of them had a tradition whenever they were at Pandora’s cottage. They would each pick a movie that they wanted to watch. In between each movie, they would go jump in the lake “to keep themselves awake”. After jumping in the lake they would all change clothes, since they didn’t bring that many changes of clothes they often picked out outfits for each other from Pandora’s closet. If you fell asleep during the movie the person who chose that movie got to throw you in the lake. This part often happened without waking the person who fell asleep up. Sometimes, they would pick really boring movies in hopes that someone would fall asleep, this often worked best when your movie was the last one to be played. “Let’s start with Fear Street 1978.” Dorcas said, grabbing the remote and turning it on.

They all sat down and began to watch the movie. Once the movie was over Pandora ordered pizza and they all jumped in the lake. The lake was cold, but Regulus knew it would get colder as the night went on. They ate the pizza as they watched Evan’s pick which ended up being The Hangover after Evan closed his eyes and just started pressing buttons on the remote. After the movie was over, they all once again ran outside and jumped into the lake. Pandora picked The Barbie Movie to watch next.

About halfway through the movie Regulus’ phone started to ring. “Why is Potter calling you.” Barty asked, passing Regulus his phone.
“It’s a camper.” Regulus said getting up and going into another room to answer.

“Hi Regulus.”
“Hi Leo. How’s everything going?”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m watching The Barbie Movie with my friends.”
“I saw that movie with my dad.”
“Did you guys like it?”
“Can you come back?”
“Leo I-” Regulus began to say then he heard James’ voice say:
“Leo it’s Regulus’ day off, he isn’t going to come back tonight okay. You don’t want to make him feel sad for not being able to come back right?”
“Ya, I don’t want Regulus to be sad.”
“Okay, don’t ask him to come back, that will make him sad.”
“Okay. I’m sorry Regulus. You don’t have to come back. I just miss you.”
“I miss you too Leo. You’re a really sweet kid. Just think it’s only one sleep and a few activities before I’m back.”
“That still feels too long.”
“I bet you it flies by.”.

Regulus talked to Leo for about 5 minutes before saying goodbye and going back to the movie. Once The Barbie Movie was over they all ran outside to jump in the lake, at this point, it was beginning to get late. Then it was Regulus’ turn to pick the movie. Regulus didn’t have any new movies in mind that he wanted to watch so he picked Dead Poets Society.

Halfway through the movie Pandora fell asleep on Regulus’ lap. Regulus paused the movie and picked her up. Quietly as to not wake Pandora, they all went outside where Regulus threw her into the lake. “It’s so cold.” Pandora complained, half asleep as she climbed back onto the dock. Once Pandora had changed they continued the movie. After the movie was over they all ran out and jumped in the lake, which had gotten colder since the first time they jumped in.

Barty was the last person to pick the movie, he decided to pick a documentary about the brain, knowing it would put everyone to sleep. The documentary did in fact put them all to sleep and Barty got quite a kick out of throwing them all in the lake. That was until Barty himself fell asleep and together they all threw him in the lake. Once the documentary was finally over they all jumped in the lake one last time. After changing into pajamas they all immediately passed out.

Chapter Text

TW:
ED (but it's barely mentioned)
Panic attack
Throwing up (again idk if this is a tw but I thought I would put it here just in case)

Wednesday

Regulus woke to the sound of his phone ringing. Before he could grab his phone, Barty grabbed it and answered the phone saying “Potter shut the fuck up we are sleeping.”. Regulus had a feeling that by the look on Barty’s face, it was not James he was talking to. Turning red, Barty handed Regulus the phone.

Regulus slowly got up and went to the other room letting his friends go back to sleep. “Hello?”
“Hi Regulus.” Leo said.
“Oh, hi Leo. How are you today?”
“I’m doing better today. I think yesterday was a bad day. Who was that who answered the phone?”
“That was my friend Barty, you can ignore him. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better today.”
“Yesterday I missed my dad a lot. Today I still miss him, but not as much as yesterday. Do you think he would be upset if he knew that?” Leo asked, sounding worried. This was Regulus’ least favourite part of being a counsellor. He felt he was the last person to give advice about someone’s relationship with their parents as his was complicated, to say the least. Regardless he tried his best to think of a good response to Leo’s question, because Leo was a sweet kid who deserved a good answer.

“From what you’ve told me about your dad, he sounds like a really good person. I think that he would want you to have fun at camp most of all.”
“I guess, but I still feel bad.”
“You know, I'm having a lot of fun with my friends, and I bet if you tell James that, he would be happy I’m having fun. I bet your dad feels the same way.”
“James, Regulus is having a lot of fun with his friends.” Regulus heard Leo say.
“You were right, he said ‘That’s great’”.
“See, your dad just wants you to have fun, so try your best to have fun for him okay.”
“Okay. Thank you Regulus.”
“Can I talk to James?” Regulus asked, hearing muffled voices before the sound of James’ voice.

“You requested to speak with me.”
“Shut up.”
“How am I supposed to talk to you if I can’t talk?” James asked with mock offence.
“How is Leo really? He told me he’s doing better than yesterday, is that true?”
“I think so.” James said, his tone changing from playful to serious.
“Good,” Regulus said, it was silent for a moment and Regulus could feel James' expression change “I can practically hear you smiling through the phone.”
“You careee. Remember in pre-camp when you thought you wouldn’t, now here you are talking to the boys at 7:30 in the morning on your day off.”
“I’m hanging up.”. Just as Regulus heard James’ protests begin he hung up. Regulus then promptly went back to sleep.

By the time they had all finally woken up it was 1 pm. They all rushed to shower, knowing this shower would be the best one they would have until their next day off. Once they had all showered they had a couple hours before they had to return to camp. Those hours were spent sprawled out on the couch catching up as they rarely were able to hang out as a group at camp. As much as Regulus enjoyed the chaos of camp, the simplicity of those few hours was just what he needed. The lack of responsibility over 12 eight-year-olds felt like a weight off his chest.

However, those couple hours passed like seconds and the next thing they knew they were all getting in the Uber to go back to camp. Just like those few hours, the Uber ride went by in seconds before they were back at camp.

Regulus into his cabin and before he could even put his bag down he was bombarded with eight-year-old boys hugging him. “I missed you guys too.” Regulus said, looking up to see Sirius. “Where’s my hug Reggie?”
“You don’t get one.” Regulus said, putting down his bag.
“Wrong answer.” Sirius responded, grabbing Regulus and putting him in a headlock.
“Stop!” Regulus complained as Sirius started to mess up his hair.
“What’s the magic word?”
“Fuck off.”
“Nope.” Sirius laughed as he continued to mess up Regulus’ hair.

Regulus tried to push and kick Sirius away from him, but Sirius refused to let go. “Come on Reggie I’m sure Mother taught you to hit me harder than that.” Sirius said, still laughing. Regulus, however, was not laughing.

Sirius must’ve noticed the shift in Regulus as he let go and said “I was just kidding.”
“You’re not funny. Ne faites pas de telles blagues devant les enfants (Don’t make jokes like that in front of the kids).”. Regulus looked up to see there had also been a shift in James. Just a minute ago he had been laughing as Regulus tried to escape his brother’s grip, but the laughter was gone in a second.

“It was a bit funny.” Sirius argued, because he was stubborn like that.
“Nobody here thought it was funny except you.”
“They don’t get the significance. You could even say they don’t get the punchline.”
“Stop! James gets it, you don’t see him laughing!”. This seemed to shut Sirius up. “Can you just leave?”
“You can’t just kick me out. I’m here for James, you just happened to be here.”
“Then leave me alone.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”.

Regulus started to silently unpack his clothes while facing the wall, to cover up the tears he was trying so desperately to keep back. He hated it when Sirius made jokes like that. When he took the scariest moments of Regulus’ life and turned it into something to be laughed at. It wasn’t funny to Regulus that their mother had hit Sirius to the point of unconsciousness on several occasions. It wasn’t funny to Regulus that he had spent countless hours hiding in his room as he heard his mother yelling and hurting Sirius; while he was stuck there feeling selfish for hiding, but too scared to come out of his hiding spot. It wasn’t funny to Regulus that everything their mother was caused him to lose his older brother, doomed to only see him in the summers.

“Regulus?” James’ said, in the gentle voice that he always used when the boys were homesick. Regulus didn’t answer, he just continued to unpack his clothes. “Reg, why don’t we go outside for a minute?” James continued. Again, Regulus remained silent. “Just leave it James, pretty much everything I do upsets him.”
“Why don’t the two of you go talk about that outside?” James asked, but they all knew that wasn’t going to happen. “We’d be out there until next summer.” Regulus said, as a tear fell.

Just then Leo walked up, stood on his bed and said “Don’t cry.” as he wiped the tear from Regulus’ face and wrapped him in a hug. Regulus hugged him back, trying his best to not start bawling in front of everyone.

Regulus heard footsteps behind him, and then felt a soft hand on his shoulder “Let’s go outside for a minute okay?” James asked using that same gentile voice, then gently grabbed his arm and pulled him outside, not really giving him a choice. “You too.” he said to Sirius.

Closing the door behind him James said: “You’re both such amazing people, and I love every second I spend with you guys. It makes me really sad that you can’t see that about each other. You guys are so similar, but so different at the same time. You both care so much about the campers, but you do it in such different ways that are uniquely yours. I think you guys could be really good friends. You both clearly care about each other but instead of showing that you act like you hate each other. If you just let each other in, you will see what I’m talking about. You’re both so amazing and it pains me that you can’t see that.”.

By the end of James’ speech, Regulus could no longer hold back the tears, because Regulus loved Sirius. Sirius was his older brother, the one person he could trust in that house. Sirius protected him. Sirius cared for him. Sirius was Regulus’ best friend, but Regulus couldn’t have Sirius. Regulus followed the rules that Sirius broke. He loved the parents that Sirius despised. He stayed in the house that Sirius left. Siris was Regulus’ best friend, but what if Sirius didn’t want that? What if he just stayed out of obligation until finally one day he cracked and left? What if everything Sirius endured was Regulus’ fault?

After saying all that James had the audacity to say “I think I should leave you two to talk it out.” and went back inside, leaving Sirius and Regulus in complete silence.
“Stupid Potter and his healthy communication.” Sirius said, wiping away tears of his own. At this, Regulus laughed, which got Sirius to start laughing. “Why can’t he just keep everything bottled up like the rest of us?” Regulus said through laughter.
“Maybe it’s him, he’s not fucked up enough. You and I are the normal ones.”. Sirius joined in. “So we’re just perfect and James is the problem.” Regulus concluded, still laughing. “Exactly.” Sirius agreed.

Sirius opened the door to the cabin and flopped onto James’ bed saying “Potter we’ve figured it out! You’re just too perfect, and we’re the normal ones.” James looked very confused at this, but also seemed to think Regulus and Sirius laughing together was progress.

“Oh by the way I’m sleeping in here tonight Reg.” Sirius said, as if he slept in their cabin all the time. “What’s wrong with your cabin?”
“Moony and I are fighting, and I refuse to be alone with him.”. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“You two act like an old married couple.”
“No we do not!” Sirius argued, being quite dramatic.
“You kind of do mate.” James agreed.
“Potter! Whose side are you on?!”
“I’m not on anyone’s side.” James said, raising his hands.
“Anyway I’m staying here tonight, just thought I’d let you know.” Sirius declared.

Regulus could tell by the panic on James’ face that he’d just remembered something important “Evening program! We have to go!” James yelled. Regulus looked down at his phone to see that evening program was supposed to start in 5 minutes. “Let’s go boys, run!” James shouted as he counted the boys as they ran out of the cabin.

Regulus wasn’t sure where evening program was supposed to start, so he just followed James. Apparently, it seemed to be Regulus’ unlucky night because he had to run all the way to the point.

The evening program activity for the night was the kids going out on the paddle boards, which meant Regulus didn’t have to do anything. He sat down beside Pandora who was talking to Lily. Lily still seemed to be mad at Regulus for hurting Pandora, which was fair. If he found out anyone had hurt Pandora he would never forgive them. Regulus was glad that Pandora had another friend who would openly hate someone who wronged Pandora. If anyone deserved friends like that, it was Pandora.

“Why is your face all red?” Pandora asked.
“Because I ran here.”
“No, it’s not that. Did something happen?”
“No.”
“I always know when you’re lying to me Regulus.”
“I got into a fight with Sirius, but it’s fine now.”. Pandora wrapped Regulus into a hug.

They spent the hour listening to James and Lily talk about how they had paddle boarding together earlier that day and they all stole each other's paddle boards. Apparently, they had created a game to see who could have the most paddle boards in their possession.

On the way back from evening program James waited until the boys were a bit ahead of them before saying “I’m sorry about earlier.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I’m sorry it happened though.”
“It’s fine.”
“Is it?”
“Yes.”
“Because I could tell by how quickly it escalated that maybe it’s a sensitive topic for you.”
“You’ve been best friends with Sirius for years, I’m sure you already know our parents are a touchy subject,” Regulus paused and said, “especially with each other.”.
“I know how Sirius feels about your parents, but you aren’t Sirius.”
“It’s really none of your business James.” Regulus snapped, hoping to get across the message that he very much didn’t want to talk about his family with James.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay. You know, if you’re ever not fine, you can always talk to me about it.”
“So you’ve said.”
“Regulus, I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Whether you like it or not, you’re my friend.”
“I’m fine James.”
“Okay.”.

James was the one staying with the boys that night, so Regulus took his Kindle and went out to read alone. He spent hours sitting against a tree reading, until he could no longer keep his eyes open, so he got up and went back to his cabin.

When he opened the door he saw James and Sirius cuddled up together in James’ bed, which very clearly designed for one person. Regulus really didn’t understand the two of them. It was obvious to everyone that their love for each other was platonic love. Yet they were cuddled up in James’ bed, they had their arms wrapped around each other, and Sirius was using James' chest as a pillow.

Regulus laughed to himself before getting ready for bed and going to sleep.

Thursday

When James’ alarm went off Regulus wasn’t the only one not happy to have been woken up. Regulus heard a loud thump and looked to see that Sirius had pushed James off his own bed and pulled the covers over his head.

James looked up at Sirius in shock, and then over to Regulus. Regulus just laughed and said: “You let him sleep with you.”
“And now he’s sleeping in my bed without me.” James complained as he got up off the floor and began hitting Sirius with his pillow shouting “Rise and shine Padfoot!”. Regulus watched as James dragged Sirius out of bed, happy it wasn’t him.

The walk to the dinning hall was uncomfortably quiet, but the tension between Regulus and Sirius was deafening. Regulus had a feeling James knew this as he was sure to be in the middle of the two brothers the entire walk. It probably wasn’t a bad idea since every time Regulus and Sirius interacted with each other it ended in a fight.

Dr.Pomfrey was already waiting at their table when they got there. “How was your day off?” she asked as she put what was, in Regulus’ opinion, way too much food on his plate. “Fine.” Regulus mumbled.
“Did you have enough to eat?”
“Yes.”
“What did you eat?”
“Enough.”
“Pandora!” Dr.Pomfrey called out surprising everyone, including Pandora. Pandora, who was a few tables down immediately looked worried when she saw who was calling her. “Is everything okay?” she said getting up from her table and practically running over to them. “How was your day off?” Dr.Pomfrey asked, beginning the conversation over again with Pandora this time. “It was good.” Pandora said, seeming even more confused. “Did you and Regulus have enough to eat?”
“Oh, yes I made sure we all ate enough.” Pandora said, finally understanding why she was called over. “Good. Thank you darling.”
“Of course. I’ll see you later Regulus.” Pandora said, happily heading back to her table.

Regulus spent the rest of breakfast in silence. He knew why Dr.Pomfrey didn’t trust him, but he hated being treated like a child. He hated being watched at every meal to make sure he was eating. He hated that every word he said was analyzed as if it were classic literature. He hated how he couldn’t do anything without it being examined. He hated that he couldn’t be trusted to be good enough; but after all this time, it was something he’d grown accustomed to.

**************

As they were getting ready for their first period, ‘Water trampoline’ which was exactly what it sounded like, Regulus saw James folding Sirius’ sweater and putting it on his shelf. “You’re such a mom.” Regulus said which caused James to roll his eyes.

Regulus grabbed the sweater off the shelf and put it on, which by James’ facial expression, Regulus could tell he wasn’t expecting. “He loves this sweater.” Regulus explained. “He does.” James said, still very clearly confused.
“And he would really hate it if I decided to swim in it this morning.” Regulus continued. James started to laugh. His laugh was infectious and Regulus too started laughing.

It was true that Regulus quite enjoyed annoying Sirius, but that wasn’t the main reason he was wearing his sweater. Sirius always felt so far away, like a dream. He was there, but he was unreachable. The memories Regulus had of his childhood with Sirius were just that, memories.

After Sirius left it was hard for Regulus to hold onto those memories. He felt them slipping away. One night when he couldn’t sleep he snuck into Sirius’ room and grabbed a couple of his shirts. Sirius had left in a rush, and their parents left his room untouched. That one room was all Regulus had left of his older brother.

Once Regulus was sure his parents were asleep he would often put on one of Sirius’ shirts to sleep in. Desperately clinging onto the nights where he would sneak into Sirius’ room to sleep with him. It was far from being with Sirius, but those shirts were all he had.

Sirius’ sweater brought him that same feeling, but this time it was even better because Regulus saw him wearing this sweater often. It was newer. It was the version of Sirius that Regulus could never have.

************

Most of the time counsellors were supposed to watch their campers during activities and not participate. However, when it came to activities in water counsellors were supposed to either join in or be right at the edge of the dock in case something were to happen. James being James, insisted that he and Regulus join in the fun; and James being James, wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Boys, I am about to teach you all the iconic, life-changing games of the water trampoline!” James announced once they made sure all the campers had successfully gotten onto the trampoline. “Regulus, I need you to help me demonstrate how the game works.” James said, pulling him towards the edge of the trampoline.

“You look like a dork with those goggles.” Regulus stated, not at all wanting to be involved in whatever game James was about to teach them. “So you’ve said, now put your arms out.” James demanded. Rolling his eyes Regulus obliged. James grabbed Regulus’ arms “Okay, now lean back over the edge of the trampoline and close your eyes.”.
“Absolutely not.”
“You have to, it’s part of the game”
“Then you lean back and I’ll drop you in the water.”
“You don’t even know how the game works. Besides, you swam out to the trampoline, you’re already wet.”
“I don’t want to get my hair wet, and I have a pretty good idea of how the game works.”.
James smiled and picked Regulus up holding him over the water.

Regulus wrapped arms around James’ neck “Put me down!”
“You're clinging onto me pretty hard for someone who wants me to put them down.” James said, smiling at Regulus. “James Potter if you throw me in I’ll kill you.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t throw you in if you get all the questions right.”
“What?”
“That’s the game, I ask you 3 questions, if you answer them wrong you get thrown in.”.

Regulus dug his hands into James’ hair, grabbing his hair so he couldn’t throw him in. James had the audacity to laugh “I’ll start easy, What’s my best friend’s name?”
“Sirius.”
“Good.”
“Umm, when is my birthday?”
“March 27th.” Regulus responded, which apparently surprised James.
“Wait, how did you know that?”
“You’re my brother’s best friend, I know when your stupid birthday is. Now put me down.”
“Nope, one more question. Who was my first kiss?”
“I don’t know, Evans?” Regulus said, hoping that was the right answer.

For a second he thought he got it right because nothing happened. Then James, still holding Regulus, jumped in the lake. When Regulus and James resurfaced, Regulus splashed James. James laughed and said “Moony.”
“What?” Regulus asked, having no idea what James was talking about.
“Moony was my first kiss.”
“Does my brother know that?” Regulus asked, surprised.
“Yes. How do you know about-”
“It’s obvious Sirius is hopelessly in love with Lupin. How did he respond to you kissing the love of his life?” Regulus asked sarcastically.
“He didn’t talk to me for 2 weeks after it happened.”
“That sounds like him.” Regulus said, really wanting to ask James the context in which he kissed Remus Lupin.

He didn’t think they ever dated, but in all honesty, he had no idea. “I know you want to ask me about it.” James said, smiling at Regulus. Regulus splashed James and said, “I couldn’t care less about your relationship with Lupin.”
“It was a game of spin the bottle.”
“Good for you.” Regulus declared, but that did make a lot more sense. Regulus had seen James and Remus interact with each other over the years, and only ever got a platonic vibe from them. He also knew that Sirius was completely obsessed with Remus, and he had a feeling James also knew that, and would never date his best friend’s crush.

Regulus climbed onto the trampoline first, and when James followed he pushed James back into the water. James just laughed, holding onto Regulus’ arm as he climbed back onto the trampoline again. Once James was back on the trampoline Lucas asked “You’re gay?”.

Regulus froze. He himself had always wondered about James, but having more social cues than an eight-year-old, knew better than to ask. “Yes, I’m pan.” James replied. All the boys looked confused at this. “I would date anybody.” he clarified. The boys nodded. “When my sister told my mom she was a lesbian my mom said it didn’t change anything and that we still loved her. So um this doesn’t change anything and we still love you.” Aaron said and the boys nodded along.
“Thank you boys.” James said, smiling.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Elijah asked.
“No.”
“Do you have a girlfriend?” Owen asked.
“No.”. This surprised Regulus, he figured someone like James would be in a relationship. Almost nobody would treat their partner as well as James Potter would. Obviously, Regulus couldn’t tell this to James as it would go to his head, so instead he laughed at him.

“What are you laughing at?” James said, picking Regulus up and walking to the edge of the trampoline. “You can throw me in the lake all you want, you’ll still be single.” Regulus teased. Deservedly so, James threw Regulus into the lake.

“Aren’t you single too Regulus?” Leo asked. At this, James burst out laughing.
“You can’t make fun of me if you’re single too.” James teased.
“I can make fun of you as much as I want.” Regulus replied.
“I guess you can, but you’ll still be single.” James teased, throwing Regulus’ words back at him. Deservedly so, Regulus pushed James into the lake.

They spent the rest of the period jumping on the trampoline and playing all the games James showed them. At every new game, he would insist that game was the best, only to say that about the very next game.

Regulus was surprised to realize that he was actually sad when the period ended and they had to get off the trampoline.

*James*

Once they were on the dock James helped all the boys hang up their life jackets and find their towels. Right before they were about to walk back onto the beach James did a head count like he always did before leaving an activity. As he counted each kid he put his hand on their head. In a way, it helped his brain know that he counted each kid, even though he would mentally count them the whole walk to the next activity, and again at the activity. He had the most fun putting his hand on Regulus’ head because Regulus hated it. Sometimes if he was feeling brave, he would mess up Regulus’ hair.

“Ten, eleveeen,” James said chasing after Regulus as he tried to run away “twelve…”. James looked around, there should be thirteen including Regulus. James tried to remain calm, this happened on occasion. One of the boys would run ahead or he would miss someone while counting. He counted again. Twelve. “Who are we missing?” James asked, trying so hard to sound calm.

Regulus looked around and began counting too. James looked at the boys, trying to figure out who wasn’t there. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He went through the whole cabin, but he kept getting lost and having to restart. “-okay.” Regulus said, looking at James. “What?” James asked, not realizing Regulus had even been talking until he was almost finished. “Just breathe, everything’s going to be okay.” Regulus said again, looking worried.

James looked around again. “Logan!” he shouted. “Where’s Logan?!” James asked. Regulus looked around, realizing that it was Logan who was missing. “Regulus wh-where is Logan?!”. James felt hands on his back and turned around to see Mary.

“Mary, we can't find our camper! He was on the water trampoline when I last saw him! He was in the water! Mary what if?!”
“James breathe.” Mary said, looking alarmingly calm given the circumstances.
“No, Logan!”
“James, you freaking out isn't going to help, I need you to breathe.”. James tried to inhale but nothing came in. He felt nauseous, and he was really hot all of a sudden.

“I ca-an’t breat-the.” James said, he felt tears rolling down his face, making him aware that he was crying. “James let’s sit down okay. Regulus get me a life jacket.” Mary said, grabbing his arms and gently making him sit down. “No, we have to find Logan!” James said, trying to get up. “Everyone is looking for him okay, but I need you to relax.”

When James looked around he realized that eleven of the boys were now off the dock and on the beach. There were many whistles going, and several staff circling the water tramp. Mary put a life jacket on James. “I don’t need this,” James said trying to take the life jacket off, “I need to find Logan!” James continued, trying to get up.

“James look at me,” Regulus said, holding his head in his hands “we’re going to find Logan. I need you to breathe with me now okay.”
“No Regulus, we have to find Logan!” James said, trying to stand up.

As James was trying to get Regulus off him so he could stand up he heard the sound of Logan’s laugh. At first, he thought he’d imagined it, until Regulus started yelling.

“Logan! Where were you?! We were calling you!”
“I pranked you guys. I was hiding under the dock. You should’ve seen your faces.” He said still laughing. James still couldn’t breathe. He looked at Logan as tears ran down his face. He disappeared in a second. What if something had happened to him?

Out of nowhere, Sirius was beside him. “Sirius.” James said as he cried and grabbed onto Sirius. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Regulus lecturing Logan as he took him back to the beach. “James, what's wrong?” Sirius asked, and with a scared expression that James rarely saw.

“I th-hought I los-st a kid.” James cried, still clinging to Sirius.
“It’s okay, you didn’t lose anyone. Everyone is safe, now I need you to breathe.”
“I can’t.”
“Look at me. You’re okay. I promise you that you’re okay. Can you breathe with me?”
“I-” James suddenly got really nauseous. He pushed Sirius away as he leaned over the dock and threw up. Watching his breakfast leave his body.

“Okay, get it all out.” Sirius said, rubbing his back.
“I want to go home.” James choked out as tears continued to roll down his face.
“Why don’t we talk about that when you’ve calmed down. Right now let’s just sit here and breathe okay?”. James wanted to argue, but what he wanted more was to curl up in Sirius' arms. “You’re lucky I love you Prongs, you’re getting me all wet.” in response James just held onto Sirius tighter.

People often said that Sirius was lucky to have James, but James was the lucky one. On the surface, it looked like James took care of Sirius, and he did, but what people didn’t see was the way Sirius took care of James. Sirius was always there, and he always knew what to do. He knew when to crack a joke, and he knew when to be quiet and just be there. Sirius looked out for James. Sirius was there when James needed him, when James wanted him but most of all, when James thought he didn’t need him. Sirius was James’ rock.

James and Sirius sat there on the dock for about five minutes while Mary kept everyone away. Somehow, Dr.Pomfrey had gotten word of what happened and wanted to see James in her office to check up on him. James wouldn’t let Sirius leave his side as he went to see Dr.Pomfrey.

James wrapped himself in his towel as he told Dr.Pomfrey everything that happened. The second he finished talking Dr.Pomfrey asked: “Are you taking your medication?”
“Yes.” James replied, hating this question.

People seemed to think all James had to do was take medication and he would be fine. That the panic attacks would completely vanish and he would never feel anxious again in his life. When that didn’t happen, they just assumed it was because he wasn’t taking his medication.

The medication made things a lot better, but he still struggled. That was the thing people didn’t seem to understand. Medication couldn’t make all his problems go away. If it could, everyone would live a perfect, happy life; but that isn’t the case.

“Good. Even though you aren’t a camper, I think it would be a good idea for you to call your parents and tell them what happened. Would you like that?”. James nodded and went to reach for his phone, realizing it was in the cabin.

Sirius, who was practically able to read his mind at this point, handed James his phone. James scrolled through Sirius’ contacts until he finally arrived at his mom. The phone answered after one ring.
“Hello Sirius.”
“Mum.” James said, his voice cracking.
“James, what’s wrong?”
“I-I thought I lost one of my um, one of my campers. I thought something happened to him and I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t know what to do and I got really scared and I couldn’t breathe and-” James said, fresh tears falling down his face as he re-told the story again.

“James, take a deep breath.”. James nodded even though his mom couldn’t see and did as she said. “Is Sirius with you?” she asked.
“Yes, and I’m in Dr.Pomfrey’s office.”
“Good. Did you find the camper?”
“Yes.”
“Is anyone hurt?”
“No.”
“Okay, it’s over now James. Everyone is okay. No campers are missing. Sirius is there. I know losing a kid scary, trust me, I have a crazy child of my own.” James let out a small laugh “I would’ve been scared too James, but it’s over. You can breathe now okay.”
“But what if-”
“No, not what if. Right now everyone is okay. We don’t need to worry about things that haven’t happened yet.”
“But it did happen.”
“And now it’s over. No what ifs.”
“Okay.” James said, thinking to himself about all the things that could’ve happened to Logan. “James, I know you’re still thinking about the what ifs.”
“I can’t not mum.”
“I know sweetheart, but I need you to try okay? You’ll drive yourself crazy if you don’t.”
“I want to come home.”
“Aren’t you coming home for your day off tonight?”
“I want to come home for the rest of the summer.”
“James, I know this freaked you out, but you have to stay at camp okay. Remember what happened last time you stopped doing things you liked because of your anxiety?” James started to cry again as he said “Please.”
“James, I love you, and because I love you I’m not going to let you take twenty steps backwards. If you come home you’re going to have a much harder time going back out into the world, and I won’t watch you do that to yourself again.”
“Mum, please come take me home.” James begged as tears fell down his face.
“Can I talk to Dr.Pomfrey for a minute?”. James handed Dr.Pomfrey the phone.

Dr.Pomfrey took the phone and went into the other room, leaving James and Sirius alone. “I had a dream last night that Moony was a werewolf.” Sirius said, filling the silence. James halfheartedly said, “You should tell him that.”
“No, he’ll think I’m insulting him somehow.”
“You know Pads, you can't be mad at someone because someone else asked them out.”
“There’s no need to make this about me Prongs.” Sirius said.

*Regulus*

“There’s no need to make this about me Prongs.” Regulus heard as he opened the door to Dr.Pomfrey’s office. “I brought you some dry clothes.” Regulus said to James, holding up the clothes as proof. “Thank you.” James said, but he was quieter than usual.

James was loud. When he walked into a room you knew. He demanded your attention, just like the sun. Regulus was constantly complaining about it, but suddenly he wanted that James back. He didn’t like this shattered version of James. He didn’t like any universe where James Potter was sad.

Regulus handed James his clothes and watched as he went into another room to change. “Where are my dry clothes?” Sirius asked, motioning at his clothes which were wet from James clinging onto him. “You didn’t just have a panic attack.” Regulus said and heard James let out a small laugh from the other room. “Favouritism.” Sirius grumbled.

A few minutes later James came back into the room, without saying a word, Sirius and James seemed to have an entire conversation. Regulus watched as his older brother got up and left, closing the door behind him.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” James said.
“James you had a panic attack.” Regulus stated, wondering why on earth James would apologize for something that very clearly wasn’t his idea. “Sorry.” James whispered. “Stop apologizing James.”
“But I am sorry, I-I try not to make a scene when that happens, but clearly that didn’t work out.”
“James, you know you can’t control things like that. They don’t wait for a convenient time, to fuck up that happy positive front you seem to love so much.”
“They really don’t.” James agreed.

It was silent for a bit before Regulus said “I’m sorry Logan is such a dick.”. James sighed before saying “He just makes it so difficult to like him.”
“If it makes you feel better he’s in Dumbledore’s office, I overheard them talking about sending him home.”
“Really?”
“Yes, but I have a feeling Dumbledore is all talk. He cares more about Logan’s parents' money than he does his staff.”
“You don’t know that.” James argued, because of course James only saw the good in people. “Call it an educated guess then.”.

Just then Dr.Pomfrey walked into the room holding Sirius’ phone for some reason. “James dear, your mom says if you really want, she will come to pick you up now for your day off, but you’re coming back on Friday.”. This confused Regulus, why wouldn’t James come back on Friday? “Yes please.” James said as his voice cracked and fresh tears fell down his face.

Dr.Pomfrey sent Regulus and Sirius to pack James a bag for his day off. “I’m sorry.” Regulus said after a few minutes of silence.
“For what?” Sirius asked, sounding worried.
“When James- when he- I just froze. I didn’t know what to do or how to fix it. I just- I guess I didn’t expect it and I’m so used to James calming others down that I didn’t know how to calm him down.” Regulus explained.
“That’s not your fault. When that happens I always freak out too. James likes to make us think that he’ll only ever take care of us, not the other way around.”. Regulus nodded in agreement. They finished packing up James’ stuff in silence before heading back to Dr.Pomfrey’s office.

When they got there Mrs.Potter had arrived. “Effie!” Sirius said dropping James’ bag to run up and give her a hug. “Hi Sirius.” she said fondly, hugging him back. Once she had finished hugging Sirius, she said hi to Regulus by giving him a hug.

Regulus watched James out of the corner of his eye. He looked so sad, so broken. James Potter was usually like the sun, but sometimes the clouds covered the sun. The happiness and warmth disappeared from view, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t there, hiding behind the clouds ready to come out again another day. Regulus hoped so, because what was the world without the sun?

Regulus and Sirius said goodbye to Effie and James before walking back to the swim docks in silence. Regulus sat down beside Pandora who was with Lily, where he had to answer the question of ‘Where is James?’. When he was done explaining to them what happened Lily tried to call James, but Regulus wasn’t surprised when she got his voicemail.

When swim ended all the boys asked the same question ‘Where is James?’, Regulus told them he was on his day off. The boys seemed upset but not confused. When they got back to the cabin Logan was there. As a shock to nobody, Dumbledore decided not to send him home. However, Logan was smart enough to not talk about what had happened that morning for the rest of the day.

The day went on just like that, with everybody tiptoeing around James’ absence. The silences remained silent, because James wasn’t there to fill them. Nobody laughed or joked around. They did exactly what Regulus asked the second he asked it. They barely made conversation with each other on the walks between activities.

Throughout evening program they remained quiet, none of them putting all their effort into the game. When they returned to the cabin a lot of the boys quietly did their own thing. The cabin was never quiet, but that night was an exception.

Everyone, including Regulus, went to bed early that night.

***********

Regulus woke up to little hands shaking him. He practically jumped up, as none of the boys had ever woken him up in the middle of the night. When he looked up he saw Leo, his face covered in tears.

“Leo, what’s wrong?” Regulus whispered.
“I-I’m sorry.” he cried quietly.
“What are you sorry for Leo?” Regulus asked, worried.
“I accidentally- I um-” Leo looked down at his pants and Regulus followed his gaze to see a dark spot by his crotch. Leo cried some more as Regulus realized what happened “Hey, it’s okay Leo, accidents happen. Why don’t you change your pants and I’ll strip your bed okay.”
“Sorry.” Leo said.
“Don’t apologize.”. Regulus said, slowly getting up, trying to ignore the headache.

Regulus took the sheets off the bed and put them on the back steps of the cabin. Once Leo had changed he did the same with his pyjama pants. “In the morning I’ll drop these off at Dr.Pomfreey’s office okay. She has a washing machine and can clean them for you. For now, why don’t you sleep in James’ bed.”
“Will he be mad.”
“No.”
“Are you sure.”
“Yes.”. Leo didn’t seem too sure about this so Regulus said “I can sleep in his bed and you can sleep in mine if you want. That way if he’s mad, which he won't be, he’ll be mad at me and not you.”
“Will you be mad?”
“No.”
“Can I sleep in your bed then?”
“Of course.”.

Regulus helped Leoo into his bed before getting into James’ bed. When he put his head on James’ pillow, he could smell James’ shampoo. As he pulled James’ blanket over him, it felt like James was giving him a hug. Being in James’ bed felt so calming, and Regulus fell asleep right away.

Chapter Text

TW

Eating Disorder (purging)
Abuse (Walburga and Orion's A+ parenting)
Transphobia (misgendering and deadnaming) (reminder: ******* in conversation is Regulus being deadnamed)

Friday

Despite the terrible headache Regulus had, he woke up to one of the best sleeps in his entire life. He decided to not read into the fact that he also happened to be sleeping in James Potter’s bed, and dismissed it as a coincidence.

As the campers got up and ready for breakfast Regulus grabbed Sirius’ sweater, which he had hung to dry the previous day, and put it on. “Why were you asleep in James’ bed?” Andrew asked.
“Because Leo was telling me all about the book he was reading last night, and he fell asleep in my bed.” Regulus responded. Andrew didn’t seem fully convinced, but he didn’t question Regulus any further. Once all the boys appeared to be ready, Regulus did a head count and they all walked to breakfast.

On the walk to breakfast, Regulus held Leo a bit behind the group of boys with him. “How was the rest of your night?” Regulus asked.
“I slept a lot better. I just- I had a bad dream.”
“Trust me I get that, you remember that one night when I woke everyone up because I was screaming?” Leo nodded. “You know, that wasn’t the only time that’s happened this summer.” Regulus didn’t know why he was telling this to Leo, but continued on anyway “Before you boys got here, I had a bad dream and woke up screaming. James and my brother were there, and they helped me calm down. I was lucky that I had them there to comfort me. It’s a very brave thing to go off to camp where you don’t know anyone, you’re very brave Leo.”
“I don’t feel brave.”
“Nobody ever does when they’re scared, but just because you're scared doesn’t mean you aren’t brave. You came to camp even though you were scared, and you stayed at camp. If you weren’t brave, you would’ve gone home by now.”
“But everyone here has stayed at camp, so it can’t be that hard.”
“Everyone who came to camp has stayed, but not every single person in existence goes to camp. So maybe you guys are all just very brave.”
“Maybe.” Leo said, not sounding very convinced.
“Who do you think is the bravest person in the world?”
“My dad.” Leo said confidently.
“Do you think he’s ever been scared before?”
“He is scared of elevators.”
“See, your dad has been scared before, but you just told me he’s the bravest person in the world. Even the bravest person in the world gets scared.”
“My dad is very brave.” Leo agreed.
“I can’t wait to meet him tomorrow.” Regulus said in a casual attempt to keep the conversation going, however this seemed to upset Leo quite a bit.

“My dad isn’t coming tomorrow.” Leo said as tears fell down his face.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I just assumed he was, and I shouldn’t have. Is your mom coming tomorrow?”
“Yes.” Leo said through tears.
“Well then I’m excited to meet your mom, and I’m sure you’ll have so much fun with her.”
“I want my dad to come, I miss him.” Leo cried.
“I know you do, I’m sorry he can’t come.” Regulus said sympathetically; however, he had a feeling there was nothing he could say to make Leo feel better.

All the yelling at breakfast from the tables around him did nothing to help Regulus’ headache. He tried his best to ignore it and eat the food that Dr.Pomfrey put on his plate, but clearly, he wasn’t doing a good job of brushing off the pain because Dr.Pomfrey asked “Is your head bothering you again?”
“It’s fine.”.

Regulus hated that Dr.Pomfrey was able to tell when it was bad, and what it was that was bothering him. He liked being able to tell people he was fine and that they didn’t need to worry. He didn’t like people spending their time feeling bad for him or trying to help him when the only thing they were really doing was making everything worse. However, that was clearly too much to ask with Dr.Pomfrey.

“Would you like to come back to my office with me and I can give you some Advil?”
“I took some this morning while I was getting ready.”
“How often do you have to take it?”
“Not often.” Regulus lied.
“How often is not often?”
“I don’t know, once every couple weeks.”
“So then your head must be really bothering you today.”
“It’s fine.”
“You know Regulus, I was in school for a very long time to become a doctor. While I was there, I learned when a person is fine and when they aren’t fine. On top of that, I have been a doctor for quite a bit of time and have developed a knack for being able to tell when people are lying to me.”
“It’s really fine. Can we just- can we talk about something else?”
“Sure, why aren't you eating?” she asked. Regulus rolled his eyes and stabbed a piece of his pancake with his fork before slowly putting it in his mouth. As Regulus continued to reluctantly eat he quietly told Dr.Pomfrey about Leo’s accident and the sheets, which she said she would take care of.

Before leaving the dinnning hall Regulus grabbed their schedule to see that his day was about to get a whole lot worse. For their first period, they were on the ropes course, which on its own was fine. However, there would be another cabin there as well, which just so happened to be Snape’s cabin.

Suddenly, all Regulus wanted to do was run to the nearest bathroom and throw up everything Dr.Pomfrey had just forced him to eat. He contemplated going to the one in the dinning hall, but he couldn’t leave the boys to walk back to the cabin alone.

The entire walk back Regulus thought about how he could purge without his campers knowing. He meticulously thought out every second of his plan, like it was a puzzle. This is the part of the eating disorder he loved. He loved to rehearse his lies in his head like how an actor rehearses their lines for their big performance.

Regulus waited until all the boys were ready to leave for the ropes course before saying “You boys go get your shoes and sunscreen on, I just have to go to the bathroom.”. Still on their best behaviour from the events of the previous day they all obeyed.

He watched as the door closed before running to the bathroom and throwing up. As it all came out of him, Regulus felt a sense of relief. It was fucked up, but as he sat on the bathroom floor staring into the toilet he felt at home. When he was finished throwing up he leaned his head against the wall, biting his tongue in an attempt to get his mind off the headache that only got worse as a result of throwing up.

“Regulus?” came Mateo’s quiet voice from the other side of the stall. Fuck Regulus thought to himself. He assumed all the boys had gone outside, but he didn’t actually count them as they went through the door. “Are you okay?” Mateo asked.
“Ya, I’m fine. I was feeling a bit off, but I’m okay now. Can you go outside and get your shoes on and I’ll be out there in a minute.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay here with you?”
“Ya, I just need a minute to catch my breath. Can you just please go wait outside?”
“Okay.”.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Of course, not everyone was outside. Why would Regulus ever be able to have one thing go his way? He should’ve counted the boys as they went outside. Why didn’t he count them as they went outside? Regulus banged his head against the wall a few times before finally getting up and going outside, which truly did wonders for his headache.

“Everyone ready?” Regulus asked, all the boys nodded. Regulus did a headcount before saying “Great let’s go.” and began to walk towards the ropes course. He hoped he would be able to at least walk in silence, but of course, that was too much to ask. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Mateo asked.
“Yes, thank you for asking. A lot has been going on, and since I’m feeling better now maybe we don’t say anything about what happened. I don’t want anyone to worry if there is no reason to.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure, and that includes you. It’s my job to worry about you, not the other way around.” Mateo smiled at this and nodded before running up to talk to Logan.

Regulus’ luck didn’t get any better when they arrived at the ropes course and Snape was already there. The boys all ran up to get their harnesses on. Regulus went to sit down as far as possible from Snape. “You were almost late Black.” Severus sneered. “I wasn’t though.”
“It wouldn't have surprised me if you were late.”
“That’s great.” Regulus said, pulling out his phone to show Snape he didn’t want to talk.
“You know, I’m surprised they even let you be a counsellor for a boys’ cabin ********”. Regulus continued to look at his phone, not taking the bait. “I wonder what parents will think tomorrow when they see one of the counsellors of their little baby boy is a girl.” Regulus didn’t answer. “Just because you aren’t responding doesn’t mean I’m not getting to you.”
“You keep telling yourself that.” Regulus said, trying to sound like he didn’t care at all about what Snape was saying. “Do your campers know that you’re a fraud?”. Regulus bit his tongue to keep himself from responding. “I feel like they at least know something is different with you. You always swim with a shirt on, and when you’re shirt is wet you can see your binder. Plus they can probably see your tits when you’re in your pyjamas.”.

Regulus turned his head so Snape couldn’t see him as he fought back tears. “I knew I was getting to you.” Snape said sounding proud of himself. Suddenly Leo started to freak out from on the ropes course “I want to get down!” he screamed. Regulus got up from his seat and ran so he was standing directly under Leo, then realized he had no idea what to do.

One of the staff climbed up a pillar which had a ladder on it, ending up quite close to Leo on the course. She guided him towards her, and to Regulus’ surprise, he actually got up and started towards her. When he got to her she helped him down the ladder. The second Leo’s feet touched the ground he ran to Regulus and wrapped his arms around him.

“What happened?” Regulus asked.
“You were sad.” Leo responded as if it was obvious.
“What?”
“You were sad, he made you sad.” Leo said pointing at Snape.
“I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me.” Regulus said, wondering if he heard everything Snape said. “Can I sit with you? I don’t want to go on the ropes course anymore.”
“Sure, but you promise it’s because you don’t want to go on the ropes course, and not because you’re worried about me.”
“I promise.”.

Typically counsellors were supposed to force their campers to take part in the activities. However, Regulus thought that would go over terribly, and as a counsellor of a bunch of eight-year-olds, he had to pick his battles.

Regulus sat back down, and Leo sat on his lap. “Have you ever wondered what that is under Regulus’ shirt?” Snape asked pointing at Regulus’ binder.
“Please don’t Severus.” Regulus’ voice cracked, he knew Snape would do and say whatever he wanted, regardless of what Regulus asked. “So they don’t know.” Snape said with a smile. “It’s none of our business Snivellus! Leave Regulus alone!” Leo shouted.

As Snape rose to his feet Regulus instinctively got up and stood in front of Leo. “What are you teaching your campers!” Snape yelled.
“He’s eight, he doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Regulus tried to reason, shocked himself that Leo called Severus Snivellus right to his face. “He heard it from somewhere, and I have a feeling we both know who he learned it from!” Snape yelled.
“Then be mad at James, but leave the kid who is just repeating what his counsellor said, out of it.”
“I’m not just repeating what James said! I agree with him, you’re a terrible person!” Leo said.

The second Snape stepped forward Regulus did the same, blocking him from Leo. “Don’t you dare touch him.” Regulus said.
“*******” Snape said calmly, knowing that one name was all he had to say to hurt Regulus, because he like many others, knew the power that name held over Regulus.

Leo ran out from behind Regulus and kicked Snape in the shin. Regulus pulled Leo back behind him. “Move *******”. Regulus didn’t move. Regulus wondered to himself if this was how Sirius felt throughout their whole childhood. Snape then proceeded to punch Regulus in the face.

Regulus stumbled back, but made sure to stay in front of Leo. If Snape was going to punch one of them in the face, Regulus felt it should be the adult and not the eight-year-old kid. Regulus was also used to this, he knew what happened when people got angry. He was used to being on the other side of that anger. For Regulus, this was just another day.

“Hey!” McGonagall yelled, coming out of nowhere. Snape stepped back and said
“****** started it.”
“Servers the only person I watched punch someone in the face was you! Go to my office and wait, I’ll be there when I’m finished here!”
“But-”
“Go!” McGonagall shouted in a tone that Regulus had never heard from her before, and he had a feeling Snape hadn’t heard it either, as he quite literally jumped and ran away.

“Are you okay Regulus?” McGonagall asked, holding Regulus’ face in her hands and examining it. “I’m fine.” Regulus turned to Leo and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Severus was being really mean to Regulus.” Leo said to McGonagall.
“I know, I watched it happen.” McGonagall looked to Regulus and continued “I was looking at the schedule for this morning and saw that these two cabins were together, then I remembered Mr.Potter and Mr.Lockhart are on their day off. I figured it would be a good idea to come pay a visit. Now I think it would be a good idea for you to pay Dr.Pomfrey a visit.”
“James isn’t here though, I can’t just leave my campers.”
“I’ll stay with them.”
“I’m really okay, I don’t need to see Dr.Pomfrey.” Regulus protested.
“Mr.Black, I am telling you to go see Dr.Pomfrey. Now I can either escort you there or you can make your own way there. The decision is yours.”.

Regulus could tell by McGonagall’s expression that she wasn’t kidding. “I can make my own way there, but I can stay here for now.”
“Go.” McGonagall responded.

Regulus walked to Dr.Pomfrey’s office as slowly as possible. He had just told her this morning he was fine. He then managed to throw up his breakfast, and get punched in the face; not that Regulus was going to tell her about his purging.

Regulus stood at the door for about 5 minutes before knocking. When Dr.Pomfrey opened the door she gasped. “Sorry.” Regulus whispered. Dr.Pomfrey pulled him into her office and sat him down. She then left, coming back about a minute later with ice. “Thank you.” Regulus said as he held the ice pack to his face.
“I would love to know how that happened in the half-hour since I last saw you.” Dr.Pomfrey motioned to his face.
“I got punched in the face.”. Regulus said as he held the ice pack against his face.
“That’s all you’re going to give me?”
“You asked me what happened, I told you.”
“Who punched you in the face?”
“Snape.”. Dr.Pomfrey nodded, not seeming surprised by this answer.

Dr.Pomfrey gently brought Regulus’ arm down to examine his face again “How’s the headache?”
“Still fine.”
“I’m sure.” she remarked, clearly not believing him.

“How long do I have to stay here for?” Regulus asked.
“Not having fun lying directly to my face.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I have been perfectly transparent with you this entire time.” Regulus joked.
“Go, and take the ice with you.” Dr.Pomfrey said, rolling her eyes, but Regulus could see a hint of a smile.

Regulus walked back to the ropes course, only to realize that it was the next period and McGonagall had brought his campers to swim. When he arrived at the swim docks the first thing Pandora said was “What happened to your face!?”
“I’m trying out a new look.” Regulus responded.
“You’re not funny. What happened?” Pandora asked again.
“Snape punched me in the face.”
“What?! When?!”
“First period. I’m fine though.”
“Clearly.”
“Can we please talk about something else?” Regulus asked. He was so tired, and his headache had only continued to get worse.

Pandora laid down on her back and said, “I was thinking, that cloud kind of looks like you.”. Regulus lay down and looked up.
“That cloud looks nothing like me.”
“Ya it does, look it has curly hair, and-” she started laughing “it’s-it’s pale like you.”
“Fuck off. Regulus laughed.

***********

At lunch, Dr.Pomfrey once again asked Regulus how he was doing. Regulus once again told her that he was fine. At this, Mateo looked up at them and asked: “So you’re feeling better than?”. Regulus hated children.
“Yes.” he said.
“What do you mean Mateo?” Dr.Pomfrey asked.
“Regulus wasn’t feeling well this morning.”
“How so?”
“He threw up before ropes.”.

If looks could kill, Regulus would be dead. “Interesting, you forgot to mention that when I saw you earlier today.”
“Did I? I’m sure I told you.”
“Come outside with me. Boys stay here.”.

For an old lady, Dr.Pomfrey was strong. She grabbed his arm and dragged him outside, ignoring his protests. “I’ve had enough of your bullshit Black.”
“It’s not what it sounds like.” Regulus lied.
“Not only are you purging, but you’re doing it in front of your campers?!”
“I thought everyone was outside.” Regulus mumbled.
“And I thought I could leave you alone for 20 minutes. I guess we were both wrong. If you keep this up I’m calling your parents and sending you home. I don’t want to be responsible for a child slowly killing themself under my care!”
“Technically I’m an adult.”
“Eighteen is still a child. Now we are going to go back into that dinning hall and you are going to finish your lunch. Once lunch is over I will walk you to your cabin and next activity. If I see fit, I will stay at that activity until I feel I can leave you alone.”.
“You don’t have to do that.” Regulus argued.
“Clearly I do.”
“But-”
“No buts. This isn’t up for debate. Now, you can stand here and continue to argue with me or we can go back inside.”. Regulus opened the door to the dinning hall and went back inside.

Dr.Pomfrey spent the rest of the afternoon with them. She even stayed in the cabin with them during that awkward time between their last activity and dinner. After dinner, she was insistent on going back to the cabin with them and hanging out there until James got back. She told the boys she wanted to check on James, but Regulus knew it was because she didn’t trust him not to purge.

Regulus was sitting on his bed, reading a book when the door opened and James walked in. The boys ran up to him and hugged him. Once James had said hello he looked to Regulus with his arms out. Regulus knew he should want to protest hugging James, but he didn’t. Annoyingly, he wanted to curl up in James’ arms and cry. Everything had gone to shit while James was gone, and it hadn’t hit Regulus how much he missed James Potter until he saw him standing at the door and couldn’t imagine him leaving again. Regulus went up to James and wrapped his arms around him burying his head in James’ shoulder.

“I missed you too.” James said sounding surprised. Regulus felt James start to let go, and he knew he should’ve done the same, but instead, he clung to him even tighter. “What’s happened?” James whispered into Regulus’ ear. When Regulus didn’t respond he asked “Dr.Pomfrey did something happen?”
“Yes, I will leave you guys to talk. Don’t leave him alone for the next couple hours.” She demanded, then Regulus heard the door open and close.

“Reg?” James questioned. When Regulus still didn’t respond James asked “Boys what happened?”
“Snivillus punched him in the face.” Levi said. James grabbed Regulus' head, and it was clear the moment he saw it because his jaw dropped and his eyes widened. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was holding back.

“Snape did this?!”
“It looks worse than it is.”
“Does Dumbledore know?”
“Maybe, McGonagall saw it happen. I’m fine though don’t worry.”
“Regulus.”
“James.”
“I leave for one day and you get into a fight with Snivillus.” James joked, thankfully able to tell that Regulus didn’t want to talk about it. “You have to stop calling him that, he doesn’t like it when he hears your campers repeat it.” Regulus said back.
“Who called Snivillus Snvivillus to his face?” James asked with the biggest grin on his face. Leo reluctantly raised his hand “Leo you’re my favourite person in the whole world.” James said picking him up and spinning him around. Regulus rolled his eyes.

***********

Evening program was a basketball game with all the inters. Regulus was happy that he didn’t have to do anything, and could just watch. However, that joy quickly disappeared when Snape arrived with his cabin.

When Snape sat down beside Lily, James said “Oi Snivillus, I heard you got told off by an eight-year-old.”.
“Is that what ****** told you happened.” Snape sneered. The second James tried to get up Regulus grabbed his arm and said “We’re not doing this again. Sit down.”
“Severus!” Lily yelled.
“What, you don’t like her either.”
“I don’t agree with how Regulus treated Pandora, but I would never deadname HIM!”. Pandora looked like she wanted to argue, but before she could get a word out Snape opened his big mouth “I guess you’re just a better person that me.”
“I didn’t say that!”
“She is though.” James added.
“James you’re not a part of this.” Lily retorted.
“When people are deadnaming and misgendering my friend, I become a part of it-”
“Can we just stop! It happened, it’s over now, let’s just move on!” Regulus interrupted.
“Yes, Severus is very sorry Regulus. Now let’s talk about something else.” Lily said. Snape looked like he wanted to argue but Lily glared at him and he shut his mouth.

“How was your day off?” Pandora asked.

Regulus sat in silence for the rest of the period while way too many kids played in one basketball game. When they got back to the cabin Regulus changed into his pyjamas and got in bed. “You’re not going out?” James asked.
“I just want to go to bed.” Regulus mumbled.
“I’m sorry Snape is such a dick.”
“It's not your fault.”.

Regulus turned to face the wall when the door opened and he heard Sirius’ voice “Guess who’s here?!”. The boys cheered, they seemed to like Sirius a lot.
“Reg? You not going out?” Sirius asked.
“Pads.” James warned.
“Regulus?” Sirius said, messing up Regulus’ hair. Regulus ignored him. “Reg?” Sirius continued, forcefully turning Regulus on his back so he could see him.

Sirius gasped “What happened to your face?”. Regulus pulled the covers over his head. “Regulus!” Sirius said pulling down the covers and examining his face.
“Sirius it’s fine, just let me go to sleep.”
“At 9pm?”
“Please Sirius, I really don’t have the energy to fight with you right now.”
“Believe it or not, it is possible to talk to me without fighting with me.”
“Sirius, I have a really bad headache, please just leave me alone.”.

Sirius then did something Regulus didn’t expect. He got under Regulus’ covers and wrapped his arms and legs around Regulus. Without saying a word, he closed his eyes. Regulus leaned into his brother and closed his eyes as well. It didn't take long for Regulus to fall asleep.

Saturday

When James’ alarm went off Regulus grabbed his sheets to pull them over his head, but Sirius beat him to it. He buried his face in his older brother’s shoulder as he closed his eyes. In response, Sirius put his arms around him like he did when they were kids.

Out of nowhere, the covers were pulled off the bed and Regulus looked up to see James proudly holding them just out of reach. Regulus and Sirius flipped James off in sync. James, who wasn’t the least bit phased, shouted “Rise and shineeeee!”.
“Potter fuck off, we’re sleeping.” Sirius said as he took Regulus’ pillow and covered his face. James then took the pillow and started hitting them both with it. “I’m breaking up with you Potter!” Sirius announced dramatically.
“I’m sure you’ll come crawling back to me in a few hours.” James replied as he continued to hit them with Regulus’ pillow.

Regulus, who was tired of being repeatedly hit in the face with his own pillow, sat up. Pain shot to his head as he slowly got out of bed. “Pads, get up!” James demanded as he continued to hit Sirius with Regulus’ pillow. Dramatically, Sirius rolled off the bed and onto the floor where he complained about being on the floor.

James put the covers back on Regulus’ bed and picked Sirius off the ground, standing him up. “Oh Potter, what would I do without you. Please take me back.” Sirius begged as he clung to James. “Of course love. My heart only beats for you.” James replied with a smile.
“You two are weird.” Regulus said, going to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

On the walk to breakfast, Sirius said “Reg aren’t you so happy mum and dad won’t be coming on visitors day now that we’re both staff?”
“Sure.” Regulus replied.
“Sure?! This is monumental!”
“I heard you tell James that it was monumental when Remus lent you his book.” James started laughing. “Well it was! Moony’s books are his babies! He trusted me with his children!”
“Parents trust you with their children the whole summer.” Regulus replied.
“Ya but they aren’t Moony.” Sirius sighed. Regulus rolled his eyes.

At breakfast, Dr.Pomfrey was very happy to see James, so happy that she insisted he sit on the other side of her. After putting a bunch of eggs and pouring cereal for Regulus she asked “James how was your day off?”
“It was good. How was your day yesterday?”
“It was fine. How have you been feeling since the incident?”
“Better, I talked to my mom about it, and it was nice to have that day with my friends. Sorry if I caused you any trouble.”
“James Potter, apologizing for causing trouble?” Dr.Pomfrey joked, which got a laugh out of both James and Regulus. “I’m glad to see you’re doing better. If you ever feel like that again or just need someone to talk to, my door is always open.”
“Thank you Dr.Pomfrey.”

Regulus felt a little bad for Dr.Pomfrey. Compared to James, Regulus was a complete dick to her. He gave her one-word answers, and constantly lied to her. He hated sitting next to her every day, and being watched as if he were a toddler.

The rest of breakfast went on as James and Dr.Pomfrey continued to talk about the many times he ended up in her office because a Marauders prank backfired, resulting in at least one of the four of them got hurt. On the walk back from breakfast, all the boys were excited because they would be seeing their parents. James talked to each of the boys animatedly about how excited he was to meet their parents.

At the cabin, the boys got ready and cleaned the cabin for the parents. While cleaning, they all complained about how their parents wouldn't care if the cabin was messy. Regulus opened all the windows to let some fresh air in and in an attempt to clear the smell of 14 boys living together in a small space.

Once everyone and everything was ready, they still had about a half hour until the parents were supposed to arrive. James sighed and flopped on Regulus’ bed. “What are you doing I just made that?” Regulus said, pushing James off his bed and fixing his sheets and pillow. “I couldn’t lay down in my bed, I just made it.” James explained from the floor. “Get up. You just showered and now you're getting all dirty again.” Regulus said, grabbing James’ hand and helping him up. “But we just cleaned the cabin.” James argued, “The floor is still dirty.” Regulus replied rolling his eyes
“Not possible.”.

It was silent for a minute before James asked: “Can I talk to you outside for a minute?”
“Ya of course.” Regulus said concerned by the sudden change in James’ face. The second Regulus closed the door behind them Regulus asked “What’s wrong?”
“I just- I um- I wanted to talk to you about what happened on the Water Trampoline.”
“Okay.”
“So- I- I have anxiety which is where- you know what anxiety is I don’t know why I’m explaining it. I just, I get really anxious and I overthink everything all the time and I’m always worried about something happening to the boys under our care. That’s partially why I got upset in pre-camp when you talked about being responsible for 12 kids. Anyway I- it just really scares me that something bad could happen at any moment. Also, a lot of things scare me, like I really hate driving, I really fucking hate it because I never know what the other cars are going to do and- that’s not the point. What I’m trying to say is that I just get really anxious, I try not to let it take over my life because when it did I didn’t leave my house for 6 months straight- that’s also not the point, I just- I’m sorry I freaked out on everyone.”.

When James finished speaking Regulus wrapped James in a hug. Regulus had always seen James as this untouchable figure. Someone who was afraid of nothing and got what he wanted from the world. Regulus thought of James as one of the lucky ones with no problems. Clearly, he was wrong.

“James, you don’t have to apologize for that. Thank you for telling me, I can tell it’s something you don’t tell people often. Thank you for trusting me. Is there anything I can do to help you?” Regulus asked as he pulled out of the hug.
“No, it just kinda happens. Usually at the least convenient times. Sorry.”
“Stop apologizing. Honestly, it was your turn to freak out about something, it’s always me causing a scene.” James laughed and said:
“We’re quite the duo.”
“At least it’s entertaining.” Regulus replied, which got them both to burst into laughter.

**********

It was quite crowded on the patch of grass where they waited to greet the parents. Every single person at camp was there except for the ski and rock climbing staff who had to be at their activities for the campers who chose to show their parents their water skiing and rock climbing skills.

Everyone cheered as the first car rolled in. A little girl started screaming for the people Regulus assumed were her parents, as the little girl followed the car to its parking spot. Cars continued to roll in and one by one the campers began to leave in order to greet their parents.

Regulus actually found himself smiling and having a good time seeing all the campers so happy. That was until he saw one car in particular. It was black with tinted windows. It was one of those luxury cars whose only point was to show off to others. The shine made it clear that it had just been cleaned. Inside the car were two people Regulus wasn’t supposed to see until the end of summer. His parents.

Regulus froze. He could feel James looking at him, but he couldn't move. He hadn’t mentally prepared to see them. He wasn’t ready. “Reg?” James questioned.
“They're not supposed to be here. They didn’t tell me they were coming.” was all Regulus could say in response. “Do you want me to tell them to leave?” James offered, because of course he would, he’s James. Innocent naive James, who thought he could convince Walburga and Orion Black to do something they didn’t want to do. The idea of that was almost comical to Regulus. “Regulus?” James said, which made Regulus realize he hadn’t answered James’ question.

“No, it’ll just make it worse.” Regulus finally responded.
“Are you sure, I can get McGonagall or Dumbledore?”
“No, they won’t like that.”
“I don’t really care what they like.”
“No, you don’t understand, if you upset them they just get ten times worse. They’re not going to leave if they don’t want to. I have to go see why they’re here.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No! James, stay here.” Regulus demanded.

Regulus followed his parent’s car until they found somewhere to park. He greeted them as they got out of the car. “******** you have neglected to call us.” Walburga said in her scary sort of calm tone she often used when she was upset. “What do you mean?” Regulus asked, not surprised that she was already upset with him.
“Your father and I pay for your phone, yet you can’t use it to call us? We haven’t heard from you in weeks.”
“I’m sorry Mother, I figured you would call so that I wouldn’t accidentally interrupt you while you were doing something important.” Regulus explained. Referring to the time he called his mom and the second she picked up she began to yell at him, because she had clearly been in the middle of something. Then when he got home that night, she continued to punish Regulus. “Are you giving me attitude right now?”
“No, of course not.”
“Where is your brother?”
“At his activity, the ski staff have to drive the boat for campers who want to show their parents them water skiing.” Regulus explained.
“He couldn’t get out of that to see his parents.” Orion complained. Regulus thought that was a bit odd as they had quite literally disowned Sirius, but knew better than to say anything.

“Disappointing us is something that boy has grown quite accustomed to Orion. ****** I suppose we can go take a look at your living quarters.”
“Oh, well parents of the counsellors don’t really go to the cabins because the counsellors are supposed to focus on introducing themselves to their campers' parents.”. The second Regulus finished speaking he was met with the contact of Orion’s hand to his face. “Sorry.” Regulus said because that was always the best thing to do after they hit you. “Your mother wants to see your living quarters, so you will show us your living quarters.” Orion demanded.

Regulus was about to protest as he really didn’t want his parents near a bunch of children, but before he could open his mouth Orion shouted “Now *******!”
“Right, this way.” Regulus said as he slowly began to walk towards his cabin, hoping by the time they got there most of the boys would be gone.

As they stood outside his cabin Walburga said “This place looks disgusting.”
“We don’t have to go inside if you don’t want to.” Regulus declared, trying to make it sound like his parents’ idea to not go in the cabin and not his own. When done correctly, this often worked out quite well. Walburga and Orion Black would do anything if they thought it was their idea to do so. “No, we’ve already walked all this way, we might as well go inside.” Walburga sighed as if Regulus chose to have the cabin be far away from where they parked.

Regulus slowly opened the door to the cabin trying to silently warn everyone in the cabin of his parents. However, nobody seemed to pay any attention to him. Walburga and Orion followed him inside. Regulus could tell that James was holding back a few choice words he had for his parents.

“Well ******, aren’t you going to introduce us to everyone?” Walburga asked. Regulus fought back the urge to remind her that he didn’t know any of the parents as they had shown up unannounced, and he hadn't gotten the chance to meet them.

“Um yes.”
“Don’t stutter.”
“Sorry. You already know my co-counsellor James.” Regulus began.
“I’ve had a great time getting to know my best friend’s brother this summer.” James said, sounding annoyed. “This is Andrew.” Regulus said before his parents had a chance to respond to James.

Regulus quickly introduced himself to Andrew’s parents who did not seem excited by the presence of his parents. Regulus went through the campers who were in the cabin, telling his parents who they were and introducing himself to their parents.

“I believe that is everyone.” Regulus said.
“Wait! You forgot me!” Leo said, running up to Regulus’ parents. Regulus said a silent prayer that this wouldn’t end terribly. “How could I forget?” Regulus lied before continuing “This is my camper Leo.”.

Leo reached out his hand to shake with Walburga and Orion, breaking the barrier Regulus had tried to put between his parents and Leo. “Hello.” Walburga said, not seeming impressed by Leo.

Making sure to stay in between his parents and Leo, Regulus introduced himself to Leo’s mom. “Hello Mrs.Johnson, I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Regulus.”
“I’ve heard quite a bit about you as well. Leo goes on and on about you in his letters. He seems to really love having you as a counsellor.”
“I love having him as a camper. I’m your husband couldn’t make it today, I would have loved to meet him. I’ve already heard so much about him from Leo.”
“My husband?”
“Oh, my apologies. Leo’s dad.” Regulus clarified, feeling bad as he had obviously upset her. “Leo’s dad is dead.” she stated.

Of all the things Regulus had expected to happen, it was not this. Leo had gone on and on about his dad. He always talked about how much he missed him and oh…
Leo always got upset when Regulus brought up his dad, and at times, got upset seemingly out of nowhere. Regulus had written that off as him being an eight-year-old, but maybe there was something more to it.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I just, the way that Leo talked about his dad..” Regulus said, completely shocked. “Oh.” Mrs.Johnson said.

Regulus suddenly realized Leo was alarmingly close to his own parents and picked him up before he could reach Walburga and Orion Black. “Leo, why don’t you show your mom around camp?” Regulus suggested.
“Can you come with us?” Leo asked. Regulus gave his mom a look that said you don’t want your kid near my parents, which thankfully she seemed to understand and said “But Leo I haven’t had you all to myself in weeks.” as she took him from Regulus’ arms.
“It was great to meet you.” Regulus said.
“You as well.”

Walburga and Orion insisted on being shown around the cabin even though it was clear they hated every second of it. They did however seem to enjoy messing up all Regulus’ stuff as they looked through it.
“Why do you have your brother’s disgusting sweater in here?” Walburga asked which felt like her millionth question. “He left it here while he was visiting, I’ll be sure to return it to him tonight.” Regulus answered.
“You better, I don’t want to see it come back home with you. I know you have a weird obsession with his stuff.” Orion said referring to the time his parents caught him in Sirius’ abandoned room one night. “I don’t have an obsession with his stuff.” Regulus argued.

“I don’t like the way that you’re talking to your father.” Walburga said.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.”
“Don’t play dumb with me *******.”
“That wasn’t my intention mother.” Regulus claimed. However, Walburga didn’t seem to appreciate this answer. She lifted her hand and hit Regulus across the face. Regulus felt her sharp wedding ring cut his flesh.

“We're going to wait for you in the car *******. I can’t be here any longer. Go get yourself cleaned up.”. Walburga announced. Thankfully, all his campers and their parents had left the cabin by this point.

Regulus grabbed James’ arm as he tried to follow his parents outside. “What the fuck?” James asked once Regulus’ parents were gone.
“Sorry you had to see that.”
“I’m sorry your parents are complete arses.” James said cupping Regulus’ face in his hands and examining the cut. “They’re not always like that.”
“That’s not enough. They should never be like that.” James said sadly as he brought Regulus to the sink.

James wet a towel and started wiping the area around the cut where there must’ve been blood. “James.”
“Yes.”
“Don’t tell Sirius they were here.”
“Why not? Don’t you think we should at least let him know in case he runs into them?”
“He won’t, it will just throw him off. He doesn’t cope well with seeing or parents, he doesn’t know how to handle them like I do.” Regulus said as James held the towel against Regulus’ face. “You mean he fights back?”
“Arguing with them gets you nowhere, but he can’t help himself. He instigates, and it makes everything worse.”
“Okay, but he’s going to ask what happened to your face.”
“I’ll tell him to mind his own fucking business.” James laughed.
“You two are my favourite.”.

Favourite? Regulus had never been a favourite. He’d been told all the reasons he wasn’t a favourite. He had been reminded of every single mistake he made with every passing day. He had been told that all he did was ruin things. If anything, he was the least favourite. Being a favourite was one of the few things that was unfamiliar to Regulus.

Regulus looked up into James’ eyes. Many people would call his eyes brown, but not Regulus. Regulus would say they were like the bark of a tree, there to hold you as you lean into it. You could sit under the tree’s leaves for as long as you wanted, and the tree would never tell you to leave. It would stand there, and give you every bit of comfort you needed. James’ eyes were like trees.

Regulus wasn’t sure how long he had been staring into James’ eyes when James brought him back to reality by saying “Um I think you’re good now.”
“Oh, ya um, sorry. Thank you. I should probably go, I don’t want to keep my parents waiting.” Regulus said, getting up and leaving as quickly as possible.

What was Regulus doing? Why would he stare into James’ eyes like that? Like he wanted more. He didn’t want more. At least, he was pretty sure he didn’t want more. No, he definitely didn’t want more. Regulus just spaced out, and he happened to be looking at James' eyes when that happened. If anything, it was actually rude not to make eye contact with a person. So really, Regulus wasn’t doing anything weird, he was just being polite.

Regulus quietly got into the car, which apparently was not the right thing to do because his mother yelled at him for scaring them. They drove in silence. Regulus had no idea where they were even going, but he knew better than to ask.

Eventually, the car stopped. Regulus followed quietly behind his parents as they walked from store to store. He was actually surprised at how well it was going. That was until they sat down for lunch.

Walburga was in a bad mood because she wanted to sit inside but there was only room outside unless they wanted to wait for a table to clear up inside, and Walburga Black didn’t want to wait. She made a point to mention how hot it was every 5 seconds to anyone who would listen (and even people who didn’t care to listen).

“I don’t know why you even still go to this camp ********. You’re underpaid and you have to deal with little brats all day.” Orion complained.
“It’s nice.” Regulus replied.
“It didn’t look very nice. Have you been staying away from your brother like I told you to?” Walburga asked
“Yes.”
“And yet, he’s been in your cabin.” Orion commented.
“For James, not for me.” never for me Regulus thought.
“Tell that Potter boy to go to his cabin then.” Walburga stated.
“I’ll tell him.” Regulus said, having no intention of doing so.

“Have you been doing the reading I told you to do?”
“Yes mother.”
“Just because you got into Harvard doesn’t mean you can slack off. You should be able to reference all the classics.”
“You’re right.”
“What have you read so far?”
“The Color Purple and Catcher in the Rye.”
“You’ve only read two books! What have you been doing all summer?!”
“Being a counsellor.”
“I hope that isn’t what you’re planning on saying to your professors when you inevitably start failing.”
“I’ll be okay Mother, I promise.”
“Don't make promises you can’t keep *******! When I see you at the end of the summer you better have read all the books on the list I gave you!”
“Yes mother.”

“You know what?! I’m done here, we’re going back to camp to see your brother and then leaving!” Walburga shouted, dramatically throwing money down on the table before storming off. Orion comforted Walburga by telling her she was right about everything while Regulus followed quietly behind them.

In the car, Regulus said, “Mother, Sirius will still be busy when we get back to camp.”
“Then we will wait for him to be not busy.”
“He’s going to be busy pretty much the whole day.” Regulus lied.
“I’m sure he can spare at least a couple of minutes for his family.” Orion said. Regulus tried to argue but Walburga said “******** I’ve had just about enough of you today. I don’t want to hear you speak for the rest of the day.”. Walburga watched through the rearview mirror as Regulus nodded.

The second that car was in park, Walburga was headed towards the ski docks. Regulus tried to follow her, but Orion held him back. “Your mother wants to talk to your brother, don’t get in the way like you always do.”. Regulus struggled to break free of his father’s grip as he yelled Sirius’ name in an attempt to warn him.

Orion put his cold hard hand over Regulus’ mouth to quiet him, but Regulus kept fighting. Regulus tried desperately to at least break his hands-free, but it was to no avail. Eventually, Orion got tired of holding Regulus back himself, and threw him in the back of the car, making sure to put the child lock on. His father sat in the front of the car to keep Regulus from getting out that way. Regulus tried to alert someone that he was stuck in the car, but the tinted windows only ever protected his parents.

Regulus didn’t know how long he fought to get out of the car before he saw McGonagall carrying his unconscious brother and Dumbledore escorting Walburga back to the car. Regulus gained another wave of adrenaline from seeing his brother bleeding and unconscious in McGonagall’s arms, and forced his way into the front seat where he could unlock the door and ran to Sirius.

McGonagall appeared quite shocked by Regulus’ sudden appearance and asked “Regulus where have you been? We’ve been looking for you all day.”. Regulus motioned towards his parents' car in explanation, which seemed to be enough for McGonagall.

“Did my mother do that?” Regulus asked, motioning to Sirius.
“Yes. I’m taking him to Dr.Pomfrey and your parents have been asked to leave.”. Regulus looked over to see Dumbledore and a few other head staff forcing his parents into their car.

Regulus followed McGonagall to Dr.Pomfrey where McGonagall told the story of how she found Sirius and their mother arguing. Before she could intervene Walburga had hit him hard enough to draw blood and make him go unconscious.

Regulus watched as Dr.Pomfrey stitched up Sirius’ head. The cut was much deeper than Regulus had realized. When Dr.Pomfrey left, saying all she could do now was let Sirius rest, Regulus called James. He answered on the first ring.

“James” Regulus choked out.
“Regulus, where are you? What happened?”
“I’m sorry. You were right.” he sobbed.
“Right about what?” James asked, sounding both confused and worried.
“Sirius. My mother found him. I-I tried to stop her but-but she-”
“Where are you?” James asked, now sounding angry.
“At Dr.Pomfrey’s.”
“I’m coming.” James said and hung up.

Regulus understood. If he were James he would be mad at him too. James told him they should warn Sirius, and Regulus idiotically thought he could stop it. He thought he could finally protect Sirius, just like how Sirius had protected him their whole childhood. He thought he could take care of everything all by himself, so he ignored James. Ignoring James had gotten Sirius here. It was all his fault.

James fought to catch his breath as he opened the door. Regulus expected him to run up to Sirius, but instead, he grabbed Regulus and wrapped him in a hug. “I’m sorry.” Regulus cried.
“Regulus, this isn’t your fault.”
“Yes it is. You told me we should let Sirius know that our parents were here, but I ignored you.”
“Were you the one who hurt Sirius?” James asked, pulling out of the hug and looking right into Regulus’ eyes. “Indirectly.” Regulus responded.
“No. The answer is no. You didn’t touch Sirius, this isn’t your fault.”. Regulus tried to argue, but James put his finger to Regulus’ mouth saying “Don’t argue with me. I promise this isn’t your fault.”. James wapped Regulus in another hug resting his head on Regulus’.

Sirius was still unconscious by the time visitors’ day was over. Regulus told James to stay with Sirius and that he would go back to the cabin with the boys, but James protested saying that Regulus should stay. At this point, Remus had also arrived, so James turned to Remus and said “Moony, be our tiebreaker, who should stay?” Then whispered, “I’ll give you my chocolate tonight if you say Regulus.”. Before Regulus could say anything Remus declared: “I think Regulus should stay.”

Regulus and Remus sat in silence for a bit before Remus looked at the clock and said “Wake up you wanker, you’ll miss the prank.”. Regulus waited for something to happen, but Sirius didn’t wake up. “Offer to date him, that’ll probably wake him up.” Regulus said. Remus turned red “What?” he asked.
“Anyone with eyes can tell that he’s obsessed with you.” Regulus responded.
“We’re just friends.” Remus replied awkwardly.
“That’s definitely not going to wake him up.”
“It’s the truth, besides, we’re fighting right now.”
“I fight with him all the time, doesn’t mean I don’t love him.” Regulus admitted.
“I never said I loved him.”
“Neither did I, I said I loved him.” Regulus said, smiling for the first time since his parents arrived. Regulus found he quite enjoyed making Remus squirm.

Regulus bent down and said into Sirius’ ear “Remus loves you.” as he stood back up Sirius opened his eyes. Regulus was shocked, he did not at all expect that to work.
“Moony?” Sirius asked.
“I didn’t say anything, Regulus is just being a prat.” Remus said, glaring at Regulus.
“Regulus can be a prat.” Sirius agreed as he tried to sit up. Regulus pushed him back down saying “Dr.Pomfrey said not to let you sit up right away.”
“Prat.” Sirius said, laying back down.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said, fighting back tears.
“Oh, no Reg I was just kidding.” he said, grabbing Regulus’ arm.
“This is all my fault.” Regulus continued.
“No. Walburga did this, not you. I remember, I was there.” Sirius argued.
“I didn’t warn you. I should’ve texted you or something to tell you she was here.” Regulus cried. “I probably would’ve thought you were kidding. Can I sit up now?”
“No, you’re still out of it. I’ll go get Dr.Pomfrey though.” Remus said.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus tried again.

Sirius moved over, making room “Regulus come here.”. Regulus crawled into the bed with Sirius. “You didn’t do this, but if you're going to be a prat about it and try to take credit then fine, I forgive you.”
“But-”
“No buts, respect your elders.”.

Before Regulus could argue Dr.Pomfrey came in and said “Sirius, good to see you’re awake.”. She asked Sirius many questions and asked him to perform certain tasks. Once she decided she was finished with that she explained that Sirius had a concussion and should spend the next few days resting.

The first thing Sirius asked was “Can I still go to dinner tonight. Pleaseeeee.”
“I guess if you take it easy then yes. I don’t want to see you jumping on tables or anything like that.”
“Of course Dr.Pomfrey. I’ll be on my best behaviour.”.

Dr.Pomfrey suggested that Regulus go back to his cabin and help James with their campers, who were probably all bawling their eyes out because their parents left. When Regulus opened the door he immediately knew that Dr.Pomfrey was right.

Leo ran up to him crying “Regulus I miss my mom.”. Regulus hugged him saying “I know, I’m sorry.”. James looked at Regulus desperately, silent asking how Sirius was. “He’s okay. He practically begged Dr.Pomfrey to let him go to dinner.” Regulus said. James laughed. “What are you guys planning?” Regulus asked in response to James’ laughter, and Remus claiming that Sirius would miss the prank. “It’s a secret.”. Regulus was about to question James further when Ethan came up to him crying as well and told him the exact same thing Leo had. He missed his mom.

“Would throwing James in the lake make you feel better?” Regulus asked Ethan.
“No, only my mom would make me feel better.” Ethan cried.
“Really? Throwing James in the lake would make me feel better.” Regulus responded.

Levi, who had been sitting in James’ lap and crying said: “It might make me feel a bit better.”. James looked at Levi in mock offence.
“Is this what betrayal feels like?” James asked.
“Let’s help you find out.” Caleb said, grabbing onto James. Soon most of the boys had joined in.

Regulus picked James up and asked, “Should we do it?”. The boys who had been holding James down said “Yes.” James buried his head into Regulus’ neck and said “No.”.
“Ethan? Mateo? What do you think.” Regulus asked as they were the only two who hadn’t said anything. “It will be fun, and we all are sad and want to have fun.” Andrew said to them. “Okay.” Ethan said.
“Fun is nice.” Mateo agreed.

Regulus and their campers ran down to the lake while James protested the whole way. They walked down the dock as James clung onto Regulus. Regulus stood at the edge of the dock “Three.”
“No!” James laughed as he clung to Regulus.
“Two.”
“Please!” James laughed.
“One.” Just before Regulus could let go he felt a little hand from behind him push him in.

As Regulus fell into the water, he clung onto James. The water was cold and Regulus was already dreading the walk back to the cabin. When they resurfaced James was still holding onto Regulus. “We pranked you guys.” Lucas said. James laughed and Regulus splashed him.

“I guess this backfired on you.” James laughed.
“You’re in the same place as me.”
“Ya, but I knew I was going to end up in the lake.”. In retaliation for James being right, Regulus splashed him again.

As they walked back to the cabin James asked “How are you doing?”
“I’m cold.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
“I’m fine.”
“Regulus.”
“Really, I’m fine. I’ve gotten used to their shit. Besides, they’re gone now.”
“Just because they’re gone doesn’t mean what happened didn’t happen.”
“I’m fine.”
“Okay.” James said, but they both knew James didn’t believe him.

At dinner, Dr.Pomfrey was a lot gentler than usual; which was somehow worse. She also kept encouraging him to talk about his feelings, spoiler alert, that didn’t happen. Regulus slowly got through the food that Dr.Pomfrey put on his plate. However, he spent most of the time wondering what James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were planning. The entire meal they were looking at each other and giggling.

The anticipation continued to rise as the dinner went on. As everyone was clearing off their table Regulus realized that Sirius and Remus had disappeared. Regulus glared at James, and in return, the idiot started laughing. James walked up to him and wrapped him in a hug, covering Regulus’ head with his arms.

Regulus attempted to break free when things started falling from the roof. Instinctively, Regulus buried his head into James’ shoulder until whatever it was stopped falling. When James broke out of the hug Regulus looked around to see countless chocolate bars on the ground. Kids everywhere picked up as many as they could hold. James, being a big kid himself, joined in.

The boys laughed together as they walked back to the cabin with their hands full of chocolate bars. “They’re never going to sleep tonight.” Regulus said to James which just caused him to laugh and said: “The great Marauder’s prank of the week. We thought this would boost morale after everyone’s parents leaving.”
“That- that was actually really nice.”
“We Marauders are good people deep down.” James declared, causing Regulus to roll his eyes.

*************

That night, evening program was a movie night. Regulus was sitting next to Pandora waiting for the movie to start when Narcissa sat down next to him. Narcissa was also on inters, but so far, the two of them managed to avoid each other. At swim, she was on the other side of the beach, and at evening program she was as far away as possible. Regulus felt this was for the best, only bad things happened when the Blacks interacted with each other.

“I heard about what happened today.” Narcissa said.
“I think the whole camp has at this point.” Regulus responded.
“I’m sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry because none of that should’ve happened. I will deny it if you ever repeat this, but it was wrong of your parents to show up unannounced, and it was wrong what they did to Sirius. I was down at the ski docks when it happened.”
“So you just watched it happen, you didn’t try to intervene?”
“Yes.”
“Why are you telling me this? Why are you even talking to me?” Regulus questioned.
“I thought you should know that you and Sirius aren’t alone.” Narcissa said before getting up and leaving.

Regulus had no idea what that was supposed to mean. He looked over at Pandora to see if she knew what his cousin was talking about, but she seemed just as confused. Regulus contemplated going up to Narcissa and asking her, but he had a feeling Narcissaa had said all she was going to say.

That night all counsellors were to go back to their cabins with their campers and stay with them. There was no OD on visitor’s day, as many of the campers were still upset about their parents leaving and would probably want their counsellors.

The movie they had watched for evening program was Toy Story and James declared it criminal that they only watched the first one. He claimed the only way to fix this was for them to watch the rest of them on his laptop, because of course he had all the Toy Story movies downloaded. The boys were quite excited by this idea as staff weren’t really supposed to let them watch movies with them, and they seemed to enjoy the rebellion of watching Toy Story.

As the movies went on, several of the boys fell asleep. Once all the movies were over, Regulus watched as James carried each of the sleeping boys to their bed and tucked them in. He had offered to help several times, but James insisted he ‘relax after the day he had’. It wasn’t long after this that Regulus himself went to bed.

Sunday

Regulus covered his head with the covers as James’ alarm went off. Like every morning, James pulled the covers off and cruelty forced him out of bed.

As they walked to the dinning hall James asked “Why are you so quiet?”
“It’s going to sound weird.”
“I like weird.”
“I’m over-analyzing it.”
“I’ll over-analyze it with you.”

Regulus sighed, feeling it would be easier to just tell James than continue whatever non-argument argument they were having. “When Snape was deadnaming me on your day-off, he asked Leo if he ever wondered why I wore a shirt when I swim.” James looked suddenly angry, but stayed silent and let Regulus talk. “Leo said to him that it wasn’t his business. Maybe it was just an eight-year-old wording something in a weird way, but I keep wondering what he meant by that. The boys ask all kinds of intrusive questions, they don’t care what is their business and what isn’t. I’m actually surprised none of the boys have asked me about it.”
“Mhm.”
“What do you mean mhm.”
“I mean mhm.”
“You obviously want to say something.”
“On the first week, after you told Sirius I was upset, Sirius and I talked. Before you came back but after Sirius left one of the boys asked me if I knew why you wore a shirt during the swim test and what was under your shirt. I told them I didn’t know but it isn’t our business and not to ask you about it. I’m sorry if you’re mad at me. I didn’t know what to say and-”
“I’m not mad at you.”
“You're not? Because it’s okay if you are?”
“I’m not. I knew when I became a counsellor that would probably happen. I have a feeling some of the boys kind of know and just haven’t said anything. If anything, I should be thanking you for not telling them right then and there.”
“You shouldn’t thank me for that, it’s human decency.”
“Not everyone sees it that way. Besides, you were mad at me at the time so…”
“Regulus, it doesn’t matter what you do or how mad I am at you, I would never out you.”
“Thank you.”
“Stop thanking me, it’s the bare minimum.”
“Once again, not everyone sees it that way.”
“Well, they’re idiots.” James said and Regulus laughed.

The rest of the day was spent following the boys to the activities they wanted to go to, as Sundays were the one day a week there was no schedule. Regulus watched Sirius from a distance at meals; he was dramatically leaning on Remus and claiming he was dying, so Regulus felt it was safe to assume Sirius was fine. Evening program was another activity that Regulus didn't have to participate in, which he was quite thankful for.

Regulus wasn’t the one on OD so he stayed out with Barty, Pandora, Evan and Dorcas until about 2 am before going back to his cabin and going to bed.

Chapter Text

TW:
Bullying
Brief mentions of abuse
Eating Disorder (not eating and talk of purging)

Monday

Regulus woke up to the sound of James’ alarm, and in response, pulled the covers over his head. James laughed as he pulled Regulus’ covers back and said “Peek-a-boo”.
“Fuck off.” Regulus grumbled, as he grabbed the covers and pulled them back over his head. He then put his head on top of the end of his covers so James couldn’t pull them away again. For a second, Regulus thought he had succeeded; that was until he felt arms reach under his legs and behind his back, picking him up.

All the boys began to laugh as Regulus pulled the covers off his face and tried to get out of James’ arms. He pushed at James’ chest, trying to get James to put him down, but James was quite strong. “I’m awake, you win. Now let me down.”
“What’s the magic word?” James laughed. Regulus glared at James. “I guess I’ll just carry you to breakfast then.” James joked, starting towards the door.

“No.” Regulus complained, taking off James’ glasses.
“Hey, I can’t see.”
“Put me down then.”
“I can’t put you down if I can’t see.” James argued.
“I can't give you your glasses back if you don’t put me down.” Regulus protested.
“But I can’t put you down unless you ask nicely, what’s the magic word?”
“I’m not going to say it.”
“Then I’ll have to carry you to breakfast.” James said, starting towards the door.

James only made it a few steps before he tripped over the end of Regulus’ duvet. As he fell, James seemed to instinctively wrap his arm around Regulus’ head. The way they fell, left James on top of Regulus. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” James asked as he got off Regulus. Regulus slowly sat up as pain rushed to his head. “It’s okay James, I’m fine.”. James didn’t seem to believe Regulus as he said
“I’m really sorry, I should’ve just put you down. I’m sorry.”
“James, it's fine, stop apologizing.” Regulus said as he got up despite the pounding in his head.

James looked like he wanted to apologize again, but held himself back. Regulus began to get ready to go to breakfast so James would think he was okay. For some reason Regulus didn't fully understand, he didn’t like it when James was upset. Regulus felt James’ eyes on him as they helped the boys get ready for breakfast. He kept waiting for James to look away for a minute so he could take some Advil, but James never did.

As they walked to the dinning hall, James was silent. “James it’s fine.” Regulus said, breaking the silence. “You say it’s fine, but it isn’t. I should’ve been more careful.”
“It was my fault, I took your glasses off.”
“I should’ve put you down though.”
“James, it didn't hurt that bad.” Regulus argued.
“Don’t lie. I could tell by the look on your face that I hurt you.”
“My head always hurts. I hate to break it to you but you didn’t start that.”
“I made it worse.”
“James, stop feeling guilty. I’m not upset with you, and I’m fine. It was an accident and you apologized. There’s nothing more you can do.”
“I still feel bad.”.

Regulus rolled his eyes as he shoved James. James looked surprised but didn’t say anything. “There, now we’re even. Stop feeling bad.”. James’ face broke into a smile and he started to laugh. He wrapped Regulus in a hug, and Regulus let him do it. “You’re funny Regulus.”
“I know.”
“And humble.”
“And you’re an idiot.” Regulus said which got another laugh out of James.

***********

As the day went on, James slowly started to get over tripping while holding Regulus thing, and went back to his immature happy self. It was evening program and Regulus actually had to participate in this one. Thankfully, he didn’t have to do much.

The game was that the kids had to dress up in a disguise, and their counsellors had to guess who they were. Regulus always remembered enjoying this evening program activity as a kid because the kids could lend each other their clothes. This game was really only a game they did for inters, and Regulus only ever played it before he transitioned. He remembered going into Sirius’ cabin and wearing his clothes. It was one of the rare occasions where the gender dysphoria, which he didn’t have a name for at the time, would fade and he could be himself. Regulus wondered if that was one of the reasons he still enjoyed wearing Sirius’ clothes, he always felt so comfortable.

“What are you thinking about?” James asked, interrupting Regulus’ train of thought. “When we played this game, and you were insistent on wearing one of my dresses, claiming it would be the perfect disguise. Then you forgot to disguise your face so your counsellors recognized you right away.” Regulus responded.
“I forgot about that.” James laughed. Lily laughed and said
“You were so excited too.”
“Oh and you were so good at this game Evans? Everyone recognized you the second they saw your hair.”
“It’s not my fault I’m the only ginger Potter.” Lily said, lightly shoving James.

“None of us were as dedicated as Regulus though.” James said with a smile.
“I think Sirius was the dedicated one.” Regulus replied.
“He didn’t really have to talk you into it. He jokingly suggested he cut your hair to look like his, and you went along with it right away.” Pandora laughed.
“I was a closeted trans kid. Of course I was going to go along with him making me look more like a boy.” Regulus said, smiling as he thought about how Sirius had taken child-safe scissors and gave him the worst haircut known to man.

“Nowhere in the rules did it say we can’t cut each other's hair.” James laughed, quoting Sirius after he got in trouble for cutting Regulus’ hair. “Then the next year when we played this game they had counsellors in every cabin.” Lily laughed.
“We can’t even leave you alone for 5 minutes.” James said, in an impressive impression of McGonagall.

Just then, the kids started arriving in each other's clothes. Regulus was a pretty observant person, and managed to guess most of the kids based on their mannerisms. James also did a pretty good job, although he kept mixing up Caleb and Owen. Pandora and Lily were also pretty good at this game. Snape however, was awful at this, and barely managed to guess any of his campers' true identity. Regulus made a game of silently guessing which of Sanpe’s campers it was under the disguise, and managed to do significantly better than Snape. Regulus wasn’t surprised to see Narcissa get every single camper right.

Narcissa always seemed to know every single thing about a person she just met. She knew exactly what you were thinking, sometimes before you yourself had that thought. It was like some sort of superpower. Regulus constantly found himself both impressed and annoyed by it.

Once the game was over James and Regulus walked the boys back to the cabin and waited for the OD before going to the dinning hall for the Monday staff meeting.

When Regulus walked into the dinning hall the first thing he saw was Sirius sitting on Remus’ lap. He was engaged in an extremely passionate conversation with Peter. At first, Regulus thought they were fighting, but then James whispered “Peter beat him in chess today.”. Regulus suddenly understood why Sirius was being so defensive, Sirius liked to win.

“I thought you were supposed to be resting.” Regulus said to Sirius as he messed up his brother’s hair. “Hey!” Sirius shouted, getting up and putting Regulus in a headlock before messing up his hair in return.

When Sirius finally let him go, Regulus repeated himself “I thought you’re supposed to be resting.”
“I couldn’t take it anymore. I was sooo bored in my cabin.” Sirius complained dramatically. “It doesn’t matter how bored you are, you need to be in your cabin resting. Dr.Pomfrey said-”
“I appreciate that you care about me Reg. Speaking of our brotherly bond and how much we care about each other, I was thinking that after camp you stay with James and I instead of going back home.”.

Regulus was silent for a moment. This was not where he expected this conversation to go. He looked at James who didn’t seem surprised in the slightest by Sirius’ suggestion. “What?”
“Come home with us Regulus.” James said with such desperation in his voice Regulus thought he had missed something. “You know I can’t.”
“You can do whatever you want. I know for a fact you've already gotten your inheritance; you can put yourself through university. You don’t need our parents, all they ever do is hurt you. Regulus they don’t care about you, they care about their image and what you can do to improve that image. They love the idea of you, I love you.” Sirius said, his voice breaking on the last bit. “Don’t say that. They do love me.”
“Regulus, that’s not what love looks like.”
“And leaving me alone with them is? Don’t sit here and tell me you love me more than they do when you couldn't even bother to stick around.” Regulus said before he walked away.

He wasn’t sure where he was going, but thankfully he saw Pandora and went to sit with her. “What happened?” Pandora asked the second he sat down.
“Nothing.”
“I can tell by the look on your face that something happened.”
“Sirius is a dick, but that’s not new.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay.”

They sat in silence until Dumbledore began speaking. Regulus tuned the entire thing out assuming it was the same thing he said last week and the week before that. Once Dumbledore was done talking Regulus asked: “Should we do Wednesday again for our day off?”. Pandora looked at him with concern.
“We can’t do Wednesday.”
“Why not?”
“Because of the canoe trip.”
“Canoe trip?”
“Yes, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday we’re going on our canoe trip.”
“Wait, who’s going?”
“My cabin and your cabin with Gid and Fab who go on all the canoe trips.”
“When did we find this out?”
“Just now. Dumbledore spent 20 minutes talking about canoe trips.”
“Oh, I guess we’ll have to do Saturday or Sunday then.”
“We can’t do Sunday, some of the kids go home that day. We have to be there to see them off.”
“Wait, then how will James and I, and you and Lily all go on your day off if there is only one available day?”
“Did you not listen to anything Dumbledore said?” Pandora asked, seeming concerned.
“I meant to.”
“I don’t think he cares if we all get our day off.”.

Just then James and Lily joined them. “Regulus you can have Saturday, I don’t need to take a day off this week.”
“No, we’ll just talk to Dumbledore.” Regulus argued, refusing to make eye contact with James. “He doesn’t care. He’s done this before. He’ll just tell us that it’s our fault for not choosing today or tomorrow for our day off.” Lily said as she rolled her eyes.
“But we can’t choose today or tomorrow. We don’t get to pick our days until now, and our day off is supposed to begin before dinner.” Regulus argued.
“Ya Dumbledore doesn’t care about that.” Lily replied.

“James you take Saturday.” Regulus said as he looked down at the table.
“No, you take it. I really don’t mind.”
“I’m not taking your only day off. You take it.”
“Regulus I really don’t care, you take it.”
“I’m not going to take it, so either you take it or neither of us takes it.” Regulus argued.
“Regulus.”
“James.”
“I’m not taking it, you take it.” Regulus could feel James’ eyes on him, waiting for him to cave; but Regulus had years of experience having petty arguments with Sirius, and wasn’t going to give up any time soon. “I guess neither of us is going to take it then.” Regulus said and crossed his arm.

Lily started to laugh “Are we boycotting our day off?”
“You can take the day off Lily, I really don’t mind.” Pandora said.
“Nope, if Regulus and James are refusing to take Saturday off then so am I.” Lily argued. “Well, then I’m not taking it off either.” Pandora said, and they all started laughing.

Regulus stayed at the dinning hall a bit longer to be with his friends as they rarely got time together; he also was hoping this would help him avoid being caught alone by Sirius or James. When Pandora and Regulus told them about how they weren’t going to take their day off Dorcas said: “You know Dumbledore doesn’t care one way or another. You’re not hurting him by not taking a day off.”
“But this way it doesn’t feel like we’re taking the day off from Lily or James. Speaking of James, why are you acting like a 5-year-old whose sand castle he just kicked?” Pandora asked.

“Because apparently, it is impossible for him to mind his own business.”
“Did he try and do something nice for you again? What an arse!” Evan joked.
“It’s not funny.”
“Wait, is that actually why you’re mad at him?” Evan laughed.
“No.”
“Oh, it totally is.” Barty laughed.
“I’m going back to my cabin.” Regulus mumbled, suddenly getting up and leaving.

He ignored his friends as they called his name and continued to walk away. Just when Regulus thought he was finally alone he heard James’ voice calling him. Regulus began to walk faster, but James quickly caught up to him.

“Regulus I’m sorry, I told Sirius to take a gentile approach to that.”
“How noble of you.” Regulus said, keeping his eyes trained on the path in front of him.
“Regulus, I’m sorry. We just worry.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“You’re right. Sirius shouldn’t have said that.”
“Great.”
“Regulus, please don’t be mad at me.”

Regulus turned and looked James in the eye for the first time since his fight with Sirius “Then tell me he’s wrong!” Regulus begged as tears began to fall down his face.
“What?”
“Tell me Sirius was being a dick, and he didn’t mean anything he said! Tell me my parents love me and care about me!”
“Oh Regulus.” James said as he began to wrap Regulus in a hug, but Regulus pushed him away.

“Don’t hug me! Tell me my parents love me!”
“I think your parents have very skewed ideals tha-”
“No! Tell me they love me!”
“I think-”
“I don’t care what you think!” Regulus shouted before he ran back to the cabin.

In the cabin, Regulus immediately changed into his pyjamas, and got his Kindle out to read. James tried to talk to him several times, but Regulus ignored him. He read the words on his Kindle, but didn’t digest any of them. He kept replaying the night in his head as tears rolled down his face. At about 4 am Regulus turned off his Kindle and went to sleep.

Tuesday

When James’ alarm went off Regulus slowly sat up, doing everything in his power to keep James from talking to him. He made sure to grab his clothes and go to the bathroom to change before James could even say a word.

On the walk to breakfast Regulus talked to Leo, pretending not to notice as James tried to get his attention. Regulus spent the majority of breakfast staring at his food. When it was time for everyone to go back to their cabin to get ready for their first activity, Regulus was forced to stay behind and finish his breakfast. Just to make everything worse, Dr.Pomfrey got Pandora to stay behind as well.

“You’re both leaving for your canoe trip tomorrow right?”
“Yes, why has something changed?” Pandora asked.
“Not as of right now. However, I can not in good conscience, send someone who is starving themself, on a trip where they will be hiking and canoeing all day and unless I know they are eating enough.”
“Oh.” Pandora said as Regulus continued to stare at his uneaten food.
“Pandora, I asked you to stay behind because I would like to be able to send Regulus on this canoe trip. However, I need to know that someone is making sure he eats. You do not owe me or Regulus anything, this is Regulus’ disorder and you shouldn’t be the one to take on the responsibility of making him eat if you don’t want to or don’t feel equipped to. Keeping that in mind, I was wondering if you would think about assisting Regulus during meals on the canoe trip where you see fit?”
“Of course.” Pandora said immediately.
“You can take time to think about it sweetheart.” Dr.Pomfrey replied, as she let out a little laugh. “No, I want Regulus to come. I can make sure he eats.”
“Okay. I would also appreciate it if you made sure he wasn’t alone for an hour after eating so isn’t purging on the trip.”
“I can do that.”
“I could just do it in front of her, what’s she going to do then?” Regulus joked.
“You’re not funny. I know you won’t do it in front of her because I will have you sent back here immediately, and I know how much you love unwanted attention.”. Dr.Pomfrey said. As much as Regulus hated it, she did have a point, that sounded like hell to him.

Dr.Pomfrey then sent Pandora to join her cabin while the two of them spent the next half-hour sitting at that table while Regulus slowly ate.

Regulus walked as slowly as humanly possible to the tennis court where James and their campers were. When he finally got there, he still had 20 minutes in the period. The second Regulus sat down, James said “You’re going to have to talk to me eventually.”. To prove a point, Regulus didn’t say anything. “Regulus, I'm sorry about last night. Sirius shouldn’t have said any of that. He should have never said that your parents did care about you, and I shouldn’t have let him say that. I think, your parents have a very twisted idea of what love is. In their mind, they might feel that they love and care about you; but they hurt you. They hurt you again and again, I just don’t think you’re safe around them. You’re scared of them. You shouldn't be scared of your parents. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear last night, but it was a hard situation, and I didn’t want to say something that would only cause more problems.”. James said, Regulus stayed silent.

“Regulus please, just say something. Even if it’s just to tell me to fuck off.”
“Fuck off.” Regulus replied. James let out a little laugh.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what you wanted to hear last night, but I think you deserve more than that. You deserve someone that will be honest with you, even if you don’t like the truth.”
“How noble.” Regulus said.

They sat in silence for the rest of the period. Regulus tried to act like he was upset with James, but all he could think about was how James said someone. He didn’t say you deserve a friend that would do this, a friend and someone are two very different things. James made it sound like he was that someone, but James didn’t think before he spoke most of the time. However, this time his little speech seemed pretty well rehearsed. So why did he say someone and not a friend? Was Regulus reading into it too much? Probably, but he couldn’t let it go.

Regulus planned on ignoring James during swim as well; however, Pandora made it her mission to engage in conversations with James. “James, how are canoe trips as a counsellor?”
“They’re okay.” he responded, playing with the sand on the beach.
“Just okay?”
“They’re fun, it’s just more responsibility than being a camper.” James said as he continued to run his hands through the sand. Regulus had a feeling there was something he wasn’t saying, but he was supposed to be ignoring James.

It was silent for a moment before Lily said “I think they’re a lot of fun. Gid and Fab are really great. They help with the kids, feed us, and are our own personal tour guides. Nights are the best, it’s just all the counsellors in the tent together, and last year we stayed up till 4 am every night.”
“Well then I’m excited. It’s too bad someone else isn’t coming through.” Pandora said teasingly. Lily’s face turned as red as her hair as she said “Shut up.”
“Lily, I always feel so happy when I’m around you. Lily what’s higher than best friend, because that's what you are to me. Lily, I’m cold, warm me up.” Pandora teased.

Lily leaned forward, pressing her hands to Pandora’s mouth “Shhhhh!”
“Are you talking about Mary?” James asked.
“Who else would I be talking about.” Pandora laughed.
“Any day now.”
“I hate you both.”
“But not Mary.” Pandora said.
“She could never hate Mary.” James replied. Lily grabbed two handfuls of sand and threw it at James and Pandora.

***********

Since it was a bunch of 8-year-olds going on the canoe trip, they had the afternoon off activities so they could properly pack and prepare for the canoe trip. The cabin had turned into pure chaos. Clothes were being thrown all over the floor, and Regulus couldn’t count the number of times he was naked “Should I bring this.”.

Regulus continued to ignore James as he helped the boys pack. He looked through several bags several times making sure all the boys had what they needed. He also spent several hours folding sleeping bags, and helping the boys make everything fit.

When they left for dinner, Regulus realized he hadn’t even started packing his own stuff. As they walked to the dinning hall James asked: “Is this how the canoe trip is going to be?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You haven’t said a word to me all afternoon.”
“I was busy.”
“Bullshit. Regulus I really am sorry, what can I do to make things go back to how they were? I miss talking to you.”
“You’re talking to me right now.”
“Sometimes you are so much like Sirius it’s actually scary.” James said more to himself.
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are. When both of you are fighting with someone, you’re incredibly stubborn and can’t accept that someone didn’t actually mean to hurt you. You don’t believe they actually feel really bad about it.”
“So then what do you do when Sirius is upset with you? If we’re exactly the same then I don’t see why you haven't done that.”.

Regulus continued walking expecting James to say something like ‘Eventually he comes around’ but instead he tackled Regulus to the ground, pinning his arms down. “I usually do this, and refuse to get up until Sirius is willing to communicate in a healthy way instead of bottling everything up.” James said, looking down at Regulus.
“Get off of me!” Regulus complained as he struggled to break free of James’ grip.
“Not until you talk to me.”.
“No.”
“Then I guess we’ll stay here forever.”.

Regulus was about to protest when Leo said: “Don’t be mean to Regulus.”.
“I’m not, I’m just giving him a big hug.” James replied, moving his hands from Regulus’ wrists and wrapping them around his neck. Leo didn’t look convinced so Regulus, not wanting Leo to think he and James were fighting, wrapped his arms around James and said “I’m okay Leo. James is just being clingy.”.

This seemed to somewhat convince Leo, and he lay down on the ground and hugged Regulus as well. Soon, all their campers were on top of James and Regulus, creating a huge dog pile. Regulus laid his head back, waiting for it to be over.

James laughed, “You hate this.”
“I don’t particularly enjoy lying in dirt no.”
“You’re lying on grass.”
“Grass and dirt.”
“So you probably wouldn’t like it if I…” James paused, pulling out a handful of grass and sprinkling it on Regulus’ face and in his hair. Regulus turned his head and tried to get the grass off. “You have such soft curly hair.” James teased as he ran his hands through Regulus’ hair. “Stooop.” Regulus complained as the boys laughed and joined in.
“Talk to me.” James said, gently grabbing Regulus’ face and turning it so he was looking right at him. “I’m talking.”
“And you're saying I’m so amazing and you could never be mad at me.” James smiled.
“Now that you got grass in my hair, I’m even more mad at you.” Regulus joked.
“I’m going to take that as you love being around me and you could never be mad at me.”
“We can talk later if you're so inclined.” Regulus said, giving in to James Potter.

James looked like he was glowing, he was so happy. He rested his head on Regulus’ shoulder and Regulus took the opportunity to grab his own handful of grass and spread it through James’ hair. James looked at Regulus in mock offence as the boys laughed.

Regulus started to laugh too, when something hit him hard on the side of his face. He felt a sharp pain in his head as he so often did when something hit it. All the boys quickly got off James and Regulus as they looked to see what had hit Regulus.

When Regulus looked up he saw Snape laughing. “What the fuck!” James shouted at Snape as he got up. “You two were just lying there.” Snape shrugged.
“You’re insane! You shouldn’t be allowed to work here! You can’t just go around hurting people because you feel like it you asshole!”.

Regulus got up as quickly as he could despite the searing pain in his head. James looked like he was about to kill Snape, and all their campers were watching, terrified. “James, it’s fine.” Regulus said, trying to de-escalate the situation.
“No Regulus it’s not fine! He just kicked you in the face, and he thinks that’s perfectly okay!”. Regulus motioned to the group of boys watching this all play out, begging James not to make everything worse in front of them.

“I’m sorry your counsellor is shit.” James said to Snape’s campers, then continued, “Let’s go boys, we don’t want to be late for dinner.”. It was very evident that James was mad, and since the boys didn’t really see James get mad, they listened right away.

At the dining hall James said, “Regulus go sit down with the boys, I’ll be there in a minute.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Talk to McGonagall.”
“It’s really not that big of a deal. Snape is a dick, but that isn’t new.” Regulus said, desperately trying to ignore the pain in his head. “Yes, it is.”
“I really don’t want this to be a big thing, please James just leave it.”
“Absolutely not Regulus. He can’t go around doing that and getting away with it.”
“James.”
“Go sit down.” James said as he walked towards McGonagall.

Regulus followed James. However, he was unable to stop James before he reached McGonagall. “McGonagall! Look what Snape did!” James announced while McGonagall was talking to Dumbledore. He gently took Regulus’ face and turned it so they could see the bruise that was likely forming. McGonagall looked shocked, Dumbledore looked like he didn’t care.

“How did this happen?” McGonagall asked tilting Regulus’ face so she could see better. “It’s fine McGonagall.” Regulus protested.
“We were just minding our own business when Snape kicked Regulus in the face.”
“I will speak with him.” McGonagall said, looking angry.
“You have to kick him out. This is the second time, he can’t be doing this!”
“Let me talk to him James, you two go back to your table.”

As they were walking to their table Sirius came up to them and asked: “What happened Regulus?”
“Nothing.” Regulus responded at the same time James said: “Snivellus.”. Sirius’ face changed from worried to angry in a second. “Where is he?”. James motioned to Snape's table where he was laughing with Muciber. Regulus grabbed Sirius’ wrist before he could do anything.

“Sirius don’t. I’m fine.”
“No Regulus, you’re not. I’m not going to stand by and let them hurt you.”
“You can’t stop them.”
“Oh yes, I can!” Sirius shouted, and Regulus had a feeling they weren’t talking about Snape anymore.

Sirius broke out of Regulus' grasp and began to storm over to Snape. However, McGonagall got there first. She looked over to the three of them and said “Boys, please go back to your table and let me handle this.”. Regulus nodded and walked over to his table.

The second he sat down, Dr.Pomfrey said “You’re going to come back to my office after dinner.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus said, assuming the boys had filled her in.
“Okay. You’re still coming with me after dinner.”. Regulus wanted to argue, but he knew it would get him nowhere and he didn’t have the energy.

Regulus didn’t eat a thing the entire meal, so Dr.Pomfrey got a box from the kitchen and brought it with them to her office. The walk to her office was silent. When they got there Dr.Pomfrey asked him a bunch of questions about his head. She then stood there for the next hour until Regulus ate.

Even though he insisted many times that Dr.Pomfrey didn’t need to walk him back to his cabin she did anyway. Regulus grabbed his backpack and started to pack for the canoe trip the next day. A half-hour later, he went to bed.

Regulus faced the wall as tears rolled down his face. His head hurt so much, and the Advil he took wasn’t helping. He hated that Snape was determined to make him miserable. He hated that Sirius left. He hated that now Sirius was now making it his mission to get him out of their parent's house. He hated that Sirius didn’t drag him out of that house with him. He hated that James was nice to him no matter how much of a dick Regulus was, he didn’t deserve it. He hated his body. He hated the scars it held. He hated that it wasn’t enough for people to consider him a man. He hated that he wasn’t enough.

Chapter Text

TW:
Eating disorder
Mentions of Abuse (Walburga and Orions' A+ parenting)

Wednesday

When James’ alarm went off, Regulus pulled covers over his head like he did every morning. James gently pulled the covers back and said “You’ve still got grass in your hair.”. Regulus who had still been half asleep, had no idea what he was talking about and decided to ignore him. James started to run his hands through Regulus’ hair. “What are you doing?” Regulus asked as he pushed James’ hand away.
“Getting the grass out of your hair.”
“Why is there grass in my hair?”
“Probably from yesterday when we were all sprinkling grass all over you.”
“Mhm” Regulus said as he pulled the covers back over his head.
“Regulus I mean this in the best way possible, you’r going to want to shower before we spend 3 days in the middle of nowhere.”

Regulus pushed down the covers, as he remembered that they were leaving for their canoe trip that morning. James did a terrible job of trying to hide his surprise at the gift that Snape left on his face, which felt worse than it had the day before. “You should see the other guy.” Regulus joked as he slowly got up. He didn’t even manage to grab his clothes before his head was in James’ hands. “James, I'm fine.” Regulus argued as he tried to move his head away. “You should get Dr.Pomfrey to look at it before we go.”
“She looked at it last night.” Regulus said as he tried to push James away. He had tried to back up and out of James’ arms, but that only left him backed up against the wall.

“Regulus just let me look at it for a minute.” James said, trying to hold Regulus’ head still, while being as light as humanly possible with his grip on Regulus’ face. “You already looked.”
“I can’t believe he did that again, the bruise from my day off still isn’t fully gone. They shouldn’t let him stay here.” James whispered.
“I’m fine. Please, just let me go shower.”

Just then Leo ran over and hugged Regulus’ leg, “You were sleeping when we got back to the cabin last night. I didn’t get to say goodnight.”
“You’re right. Why don’t we make up for it tonight by saying goodnight twice?” Regulus suggested. “Promise?”
“I promise.”
“Okay. You should probably go shower now, James is right, you have grass in your hair.”.
“Ya, Leo and I are trying to be nice but, our poor noses.” James said jokingly plugging his nose. Regulus shoved him before getting his clothes and showering.

On the walk to the dining hall, Regulus somehow ended up carrying half their camper's stuff while James walked beside him carrying the other half of their camper’s stuff. The bus was right next to the dining hall. The boys helpfully watched as James and Regulus put all the stuff on the bus before heading to the dining hall.
“Will you sit with me on the bus?” James asked.
“What are we, five?”
“I want to talk to you. We never got to talk last night.”
“Okay James, I’ll sit with you on the bus.” Regulus said in an impression of their campers who were having the exact same conversation with each other.

At breakfast, Regulus watched as Dr.Pomfrey put food on his plate. “That’s more than usual.” he protested as she placed it in front of him.
“You need the energy.”
“I have energy.”
“And now you’ll have even more. I know you're not going to eat as much as you should on the trip, so you’re eating a big breakfast.”
“Then what was the point of getting Pandora to make sure I eat.”
“To make sure you eat something, but I know you’ll find your way around eating as much as you should.”.

Regulus continued to argue with Dr.Pomfrey throughout breakfast, but in the end, Dr.Pomfrey ended up winning. Once breakfast had ended, Dr.Pomfrey began saying goodbye to all the boys. They had grown quite fond of her in the time she spent eating with them. Dr.Pomfrey then said goodbye to James, leaving Regulus for last. She hugged Regulus and said, “Please take care of yourself. I want this trip to go well for you.”. Regulus awkwardly hugged her back and sarcastically said:
“I’ll be on my best behaviour.”
“I’ll miss you.” she said, which caused Regulus to laugh.
“You're not having a party the second that bus drives away?”
“No Regulus, I like you. You’re a sweet kid.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“No, you’re not.” Dr.Pomfrey said smiling. Regulus was about to argue when Leo grabbed his arm and started dragging him away.

James, Lily, Pandora and Regulus watched as all the kids got on the bus. Gideon and Fabien were already on the bus. Regulus could feel everyone, but especially Pandora, staring at the bruise on his face. After counting the campers James then stood at the front of the bus and said: “This drive is 2 hours, and we aren’t stopping. If anyone has to go to the bathroom, go now.”. A few of the kids ran off the bus which caused James to laugh.

“You take the window seat. Then you can’t run away from me.” James joked. Regulus hesitated. All he could think about was being trapped in the back of his parents' car on Visitors Day. Knowing Walburga was looking for Sirius, knowing she was going to hurt him. Trying desperately to get out of the car, knowing that nobody could see his struggle through the tinted windows. “Regulus?” James questioned. Regulus continued to stare at the seat. “Regulus, you know I was just kidding right.”
“Ya, sorry.” Regulus whispered before taking the window seat. It was stupid. He was being dumb he told himself as he tried to calm himself down.

“What’s wrong?” James asked.
“Nothing, sorry.”
“Don’t apologize, talk to me.”
“I was being dumb, don’t worry about it.”
“Regulus, I’ve never seen you this pale. Whatever it is, it isn’t dumb.”
“Just forget about it, please.”.

Regulus expected James to argue with him, but instead, James pulled him into a hug. Regulus rested his head on James’ shoulders as he said “Whatever it is, it’s not stupid. If you really don’t want to talk to me about it, I’ll leave it alone, but I think you should talk to someone about it.”. Regulus nodded, planning to bury it deep down and never talk about it.

Slowly the kids who ran out to the bathroom trickled back in. Once they had done another headcount, the bus started moving. James looked at Regulus and said “I’m sorry I hurt you. When I really care about someone, I do everything in my power to make their lives perfect. I shouldn't have been involved in Sirius telling you to come to my place at the end of the summer, and I shouldn’t have just stood there while you told me to tell you your parents love you. I don’t think it’s a secret that I think your parents are terrible people, but I should’ve told you what you needed to hear and not what I believed. I really am sorry. It wasn’t my place and I should've stayed out of it. I just want you to know it didn’t come from a bad place, I just wanted to make everything better for you.”
“Did you rehearse that?” Regulus asked the second Jamees stopped talking.
“What?”
“If you came up with all that off the top of your head right now I’d be pretty impressed.”
“And if I spent a good majority of last night working on it?”
“I’d tell you that you really didn’t need to do all that. I was a dick, and I don’t deserve your apology or the time you spent working on it.”
“Yes, you do. You’re not bad Regulus, you’re good, really good. You seem to think you’re this terrible person who deserves the worst, but you don’t.”
“You just think that because you’re you.”
“What does that mean?”
“You only see good in people.”
“That’s not true. This is what I mean, you think you’re unlovable. You’re not.”
“You would say that.”
“And I would be right.”
“No, you would be wrong.”
“You’re impossible.” James smiled. Regulus shrugged.

************

When Regulus looked up from his book he realized that James had fallen asleep on his shoulder. He sat there for at least 5 minutes wondering if James fell asleep on his shoulder on purpose. Knowing James, that was very possible, but there was also the possibility it was an accident. This then led Regulus to wonder why he cared so much if it was an accident or not.

After that internal crisis, Regulus realized this was his chance to have some fun. He gently took off James’ glasses, and out of curiosity, put them on. Lily laughed as the shock of just how blind James was hit Regulus. “Let me try.” she whispered. Regulus handed her the glasses, and grabbed a sharpie he had in his backpack. He figured some good old entertainment at James’ expense could help him forget about his pounding headache. He then carefully moved James' head and leaned it back against the seat before drawing glasses onto James’ face. Before James could wake up, Regulus pulled out his phone and took a bunch of pictures.

Lily laughed as Regulus handed Gidieon the Sharpie and he drew a moustache. They then proceed to take a bunch more pictures of James in his unconscious state. When they showed each other the pictures they burst out laughing which, unfortunately, woke James up. “I can’t see.” he complained. “What do you mean, you’re wearing glasses.” Lily laughed.
“No, I can’t see.” James said sleepily.
“What do you mean?” Fabien asked.
“If I had my glasses I would be able to see, I can’t see.”
“But your glasses are on your face.” Lily laughed.

James touched his face, as if double-checking that his glasses weren’t on his face. “Potter I like the moustache.” Gideon joked.
“What?” James said, he looked more confused by the second. Regulus pulled James’ glasses out of his pocket and put them on, James blinked as his eyes adjusted. Regulus then showed him the pictures on his phone. Lily, Regulus, Gideon and Fabian burst into laughter as James looked through the photos. “You guys are mean.” James complained and started wiping his face. They all laughed as James failed to get the sharpie off.

“Stoppppp. How am I supposed to get any of the kids to take me seriously now?” James asked, as he let out a little laugh. “Did they ever take you seriously?” Regulus replied. James sighed as he covered his face with the sleeves of his hoodie. Without thinking, Regulus laughed and pulled him into a hug. Regulus' sudden affection towards James surprised himself; but James just leaned into him like Regulus hugging him was a common occurrence. He didn’t really know how to let go without making it weird, but when he looked at Pandora for guidance she just laughed.

***********

James spent the next hour rubbing his face, desperately trying to get the Sharpie off before any of the kids could see. However, when they arrived, the moustache and glasses were still quite visible. As expected, the kids had a good laugh as James shook his head and said “Don’t fall asleep next to your friends who are armed with markers kids.”.

Lily, Pandora, Regulus, Giden and Fabieon thought it would be hilarious to make James guide all the kids off the bus and help them get their stuff. As expected, the kids just laughed at him every time he asked them to do anything. Regulus was actually quite surprised at how patient James was about it. It was a solid 30 minutes of James asking eight-year-old kids to follow simple instructions, and the kids responded by laughing in his face. Regulus was surprised to see James even join in on a few of the jokes.

He thought about how gentile James was. How it probably didn’t even cross his mind to be mad. How he seemed incapable of being frustrated with the kids. It led him to think about the kind of parent James would be. He thought about how lucky any kid of James’ would be. To grow up with a parent who was patient, loving and gentle. The kind of parent who wouldn’t think to hurt you because you made one little mistake. The kind of parent who wouldn’t yell at you if your grades weren’t perfect. The kind of parent who wouldn’t compare everything you did to your sibling. The kind of parent who loved you with their whole heart. The kind of parent that was nothing like Walburga and Orion Black.

Eventually, Regulus felt bad for James and helped him direct the kids off the bus and to their stuff. Once everyone’s personal belongings were off the bus Gideon and Fabieon had to get the canoes, tents and food off the bus. As Lily and Pandora went to help, Regulus followed James to the lake to help him get the Sharpie off his face.

“Are you going to push me in when I close my eyes?” James asked, before he started to splash water on his face. “No, I’ll wait until your guard is down.” Regulus replied as he stood there holding James’ glasses for him. James smiled at Regulus before attempting to splash him. However, he wasn’t wearing his glasses and clearly, his depth perception was awful because he missed by a long shot. “Careful Potter, or I will push you in.”
“Then I’ll get back up and give you a big hug. Maybe I’ll trip and we’ll both fall in.” James said as he shrugged his shoulders. “Without your glasses? I’d like to see you try.”.

James started to chase Regulus, but only made it a few steps before tripping and falling in the water. “It’s so cold!” He shrieked as he stood back up. Regulus laughed as he ran onto the beach so James couldn’t push him in. “Regulus come back!” James complained. “Wash the marker off your face, I’ll go find you a towel.” Regulus replied heading towards the bus.

When Regulus got back and handed James the towel James asked “Whose towel is this?”
“Mine. Why is it not suitable for you?”
“It’s too sophisticated.” James joked.
“Sorry there's no lightning McQueen on it. Do you think you’ll survive?”
“I don’t know if I can.” James complained. Regulus laughed as he handed James his glasses back.

“Seriously though, why did you give me your towel?”
“I wasn’t going to go through your bag without your permission.” Regulus said, thinking about how his parents would search through every inch of his room on a weekly basis. Anything Regulus wanted to keep private he had to hide. Everything Regulus cared about, he had to hide. Anything Sirius had ever given him, he had to hide. Nothing his friends had ever given him, he had to hide. Any book that wasn’t classic literature, he had to hide. Himself, he had to hide.

“You could’ve grabbed a towel from my bag.”
“I would never go through your stuff without permission like that James.”
“Regulus, I just meant it would be okay for you to grab something of mine if I needed it.”
“I never do that, I promise.” Regulus said, worried it was a trick. James would say it was okay only to yell at him later. Walburga and Orion always did that, they would tell Regulus they wouldn’t be mad, and that he could talk to them. When he gave them what they wanted, they would be sure to use it against him for the next year.

“Grabbing my towel and going through my stuff when I’m not around are 2 very different things. You can go through my stuff if you’re grabbing something for me.”
“If you really want to use your own towel then get it yourself.” Regulus said before he left to go help Lily, Pandora, Gideon and Fabian with the canoes.

Back by the bus, Leo grabbed onto Regulus’ leg and said “I want to go in the canoe with you.”. By the tightness of his grip, Regulus had a feeling he wasn’t going to let go without getting the answer he wanted. Since Regulus didn’t see a big deal with it he replied: “Okay.”
“You promise?”
“Yes.”
“Yay! I’ll help you get the stuff in our canoe so you don’t forget me.”
“Leo, I’m not going to forget about you. Is something wrong?”
“No.” Leo said, but Regulus had a feeling he wasn’t telling the truth.

The canoe ride lasted a half hour before they were at the campsite. Since James and his kids decided to pretend it was a race they were already there when everyone else arrived.

Regulus was about to get out of the canoe and pull it onto the grass, when James grabbed the front of the canoe and did it for him. The boys practically jumped out of the canoe and started running around the campsite. Regulus would never know what possessed eight-year-olds to have so much energy. Before he could follow, James stopped him “Can I talk to you?” he asked.
“You already are.” Regulus replied as James picked up the canoe like it was nothing.
“Are you mad at me?” James asked, as he casually held a canoe on his shoulders. Until this moment, Regulus hadn’t realized how strong James was. It made sense, but he just never thoug- “Regulus?” James asked, interrupting Regulus’ train of thought, sounding worried. “Sorry, what?”
“Are you mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“With the towel thing. I didn’t mean to upset you, but you sounded angry.”
“Oh, no I’m not mad about that.”
“Are you sure, because you can tell me if I did something to upset you.”
“James, trust me when I say this, I let you know when I’m mad at you. I’m not mad.” James laughed. “Good, it makes me sad when you’re mad at me.” James replied, finally putting the canoe down on the grass with all the other canoes. “Don't be, I get mad at everyone.”
“Then get mad at everyone but me.”
“You’re an idiot.”
“An idiot that you couldn't imagine being mad at, and if you were you would communicate that right away because communication is key.”
“Fuck off.” Regulus laughed.

************

Once all the tents were set up Gideon and Fabian pulled out a bag of sandwiches and started handing them out. Regulus secretly hoped they would be one short, but instead, they had extras in case people were still hungry. Regulus could feel Pandora's eyes on him as he slowly unwrapped his sandwich.

After staring at the sandwich for 5 minutes Pandora said “Regulus come with me.” then grabbed his hand and started walking into the forest. Once they were out of earshot she said “We can eat here if you want.”
“Or we can not.” Regulus replied.
“Do you want to go back and eat with everyone else?”
“No.”
“Okay.” Pandora said as she sat down.

“Pandora can we please not do this.”
“Eat? No, we're going to eat.”
“I just, I don’t want this to be a thing.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Pandora please, I can’t.”. Regulus expected Pandora to argue, but instead, she stood up and wrapped her arms around him. He buried his head in her shoulders. “We can take as much time as you need, but Regulus, you have to eat.”
“I’ll eat dinner.”
“And lunch.” Regulus shook his head no. “At least eat half the sandwich now, you can have the other half later.”. Regulus looked at Pandora, silently begging her to leave it alone, but he knew this was the best he was going to get. Slowly, Regulus ate half his sandwich.

When Regulus and Pandora returned everyone was in their swimsuits. “Regulus are you going to come swimming with us? I asked James and he said he didn't know, but I want you to come swim with us.” Leo begged as he grabbed Regulus’ arm.

Just then, James walked up to Regulus, grabbed his arm and gently started pulling him towards the lake. “No James, I’m in my clothes.”
“You can change later.”
“It’s cold.” Regulus complained, but continued to let James drag him towards the lake.
“I’ll keep you warm.” James replied. Regulus didn’t know what to say to that. If it was anyone else, Regulus would think they were flirting with him, but James? His brother’s best friend? James and Sirius are each other's favourite person, and James wouldn’t risk ruining that. Especially for someone like Regulus.

Regulus realized he had gotten lost in his head again when he felt the cold water on his feet. “James Potter I’ll kill you!” Regulus yelled. James laughed and replied with
“No, you won’t.” Before continuing to drag Regulus further into the water.

Once the water was up to Regulus’ stomach, James wrapped his arms around Regulus and fell backwards into the water. When Regulus resurfaced he splashed James in the face. James laughed before splashing Regulus right back.

They went on like this as more and more of the campers ran into the lake and joined in. However, as more campers ran into the lake, the more anxious James seemed. “What’s wrong?” Regulus asked.
“Nothing.” James replied, clearly lying.
“Really? I can practically hear you counting the kids over and over.”
“I’m just making sure everyone’s okay.”
“Are you making sure you’re okay?”
“I just told you, I’m fine.”
“Do you want to get the kids out of the water?”
“No, they’re having fun. I don’t want to ruin that.”
“You wouldn’t have to. I can tell them myself to get out of the water.”
“No, I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me Regulus.”
“I never said I was worried about you.”. James rolled his eyes as he smiled and said
“You’re impossible.”. Regulus shrugged.

It wasn’t long before Pandora had changed into her bathing suit and joined them in the lake. James seemed to calm down a little with another counsellor in the water, but Regulus could tell he was still on edge.

Pandora swam up to Regulus and hugged him; “You know I care about you right.”. Regulus hugged her back before saying
“Of course. I care about you too.”
“I do what I do because I love you.”
“I know.”
“Promise you don’t hate me.”
“I could never hate you Pandora.” Regulus said softly. Pandora smiled and hugged Regulus again. Regulus hugged her back and jokingly said “Can we stop being sentimental now?”. Pandora rolled her eyes and pushed his head away.

They swam around for a good amount of the afternoon before the kids wanted to play hide and seek in the forest and all ran into their tents to go change. As Regulus grabbed his towel James threw his towel at Regulus “Use mine, it’s dry.” he said.
“Mine is basically dry.” Regulus replied.
“Ya, but mine is fully dry, and it’s my fault yours isn’t.”
“It’s fine James.” Regulus said as he threw James’ towel back at him and wrapped himself in his own towel. “If you’re not going to use my towel then neither am I.” James protested. “You’re being an idiot.”
“You’re being an idiot.”
“I’m not the one standing there dripping wet with no towel.”
“Ya, you're the one using a wet towel.”
“It’s practically dry.”
“Liar.”
“I’m using my own towel James. You do whatever you want.” Regulus said before he walked away and the second James couldn’t see him, he smiled.

************

Dinner looked a lot like lunch, and Regulus didn’t remind Pandora that he never ate the other half of his sandwich from lunch. After Dinner Gideon and Fabien started making a campfire, and sent all the kids to go find sticks. This resulted in a competition of who could find the most sticks. With a bunch of competitive 8-year-olds as competitors, they were left with far too much wood.

As everyone was laughing while sitting around the fire, Regulus noticed that Leo missing. Considering that the last time a camper went missing James freaked out, Regulus decided to make sure Leo wasn’t in any of the tents before alerting James.

Regulus didn’t realize how worried he truly had been until he found Leo, sitting in his tent reading and felt an immense amount of relief. “Had enough of everyone?” Regulus asked, Leo closed his book and ran up to Regulus. Leo sat in Regulus’ lap as he said “I don't like campfires.”
“That’s okay. It’s also okay if you want to be alone for a bit. I know camp can be a lot when you’re constantly surrounded by people.”
“I like my friends.”
“You can like your friends and need space from them.”
“You promise.”
“Of course, but next time you want to be alone can you tell me so I know where you are?”
“I’m sorry.” Leo said and started to cry. Regulus hugged him and said
“Hey, you don’t need to cry. I’m not mad at you, I was just worried.”
“I’m sorry I scared you.” Leo cried.
“Leo, did something happen?” Regulus asked, worried. Leo was the type to get upset easily, but he always had good reason to be upset. Regulus was slowly learning that what seemed insignificant was usually something a lot bigger with Leo. “No.”
“You can tell me if something did, that’s what I’m here for.”
“You can’t fix it.” Leo cried.
“I’m happy to listen anyway.”
“No.”
“Usually it helps to talk about the things that upset you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to read my book.” Leo cried.
“I can appreciate that. What are you reading now?” Regulus asked since he saw Leo with a different book every few days. “House of Hades.” Leo replied as he wiped a fallen tear. “I read the Percy Jackson books over and over when I was in middle school.” Regulus smiled. “At home, my dad used to read them to me.” Leo said as fresh tears rolled down his face. Regulus wrapped Leo in a hug “I know you must get this a lot, but I’m really sorry about your dad.”
“I know you must get this a lot, but I’m really sorry about Snivellus and all the people like him.”. Regulus couldn't help but laugh.
“Don’t let Lily hear you calling him that, but thank you.”
“Lily seems very nice, does she know about how bad Snivellus is?”
“I don’t think so, but that’s for her to figure out okay, we can’t interfere.”
“I hope she finds out soon.”
“Me too.”
“Regulus.”
“Ya.”
“I want to read my book and be alone for a bit.”
“Okay.” Regulus replied and started to get up.
“Goodnight goodnight.” Leo said, it took Regulus a minute to remember their pledge from the morning, but when he did, he smiled and said “Goodnight goodnight.”. He hugged Leo before getting up and going back to join everyone around the campfire.

When Regulus sat down in between James and Pandora, James hugged him and asked “Where did you go?”
“To make sure everything was okay with Leo.”. Regulus watched as James looked around and noticed Leo wasn’t there. He then saw the panic in his face after realizing he hadn’t noticed Leo’s absence. “It’s okay, that’s why there’s two of us.” Regulus said.
“Fuck, is everything okay with him?” James asked, clearly upset.
“He’s okay, he just needs some space.”
“Okay.”

As the night went on, Regulus could see James counting everyone in his head over and over, and wondered if he should’ve said anything. Then he thought about how much more upset James would probably be if he hadn't said anything.

Once they had put all the kids to bed, Pandora, Gideon, Fabieon, James, Lily and Regulus stayed up talking and joking around until the early hours of the morning. At the beginning of the night, Regulus could tell that Lily was keeping her distance, clearly still upset with him about how he treated Pandora a few weeks ago. However, by 3 am they couldn’t stop laughing at each other's dumb jokes, after all, everything is funnier at 3 am.

One by one everyone began to fall asleep until it was just Regulus and Lily awake. Since all the biggest secrets come out late in the night, Regulus and Lily found out about their mutual One Direction fanfiction phase they had in middle school. They laughed about all the ways they were kidnapped, all the concerts where they were too consumed in their books to pay attention to the concert and all the times their parents sold them to One Direction. “They were so bad, but I couldn’t stop reading them.” Lily laughed. “One time I read one where I turned into a werewolf and performed as a werewolf on their tour.” They both rolled over on the ground laughing. After another hour, Lily fell asleep and Regulus took that as his cue to try and go to bed as well.

Chapter Text

While I'm posting this there is one hour left of James Potter's birthday, so happy birthday James <3

TW:
Eating disorder (Not eating, calorie talk and a lot of ed thoughts)
Rebbecca by Dapanie Du Murier spoilers
Transphobia (deadnaming, ******* is Regulus' being dead named I just don't want to write in a deadname)
Homophobia (f slur it is censored but it's there)

Also, I used Google Translate for the French so sorry if it is translated weirdly (the English translation of what I was trying to say is in brackets)

Thursday

Regulus woke up to freezing cold water being poured on his face. In response, he rolled over and covered his head with his sleeping bag. “Regulus wake up.” Pandora laughed. He stuck his hand out of his sleeping bag and gave her the finger. “I’ll go fill my cup back up with water.” Pandora threatened. Regulus groaned as he slowly sat up.

“What’s wrong?” Pandora asked.
“You woke me up.”
“You look like shit, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, my head hurts.” Regulus lied.
“Your head always hurts, something else is wrong.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus said as he tried to ignore the pain in his chest.
“You’re lying to me.”
“I’m telling you that you don’t need to worry about me.”.

Pandora leaned into Regulus, wrapping him in a hug. He hugged her back and said “I’m fine.”
“You wore your binder to sleep.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Don’t lie to me Regulus. You can seriously hurt yourself by doing that.”
“I didn’t wear it to sleep, look, it's over there.” Regulus said, pointing at his other binder.
“I can feel it under your shirt.”
“I’ll take it off tonight.” Regulus expected Pandora to get mad at him, but instead, she wrapped him in a hug. “I know it’s hard, I’m just worried about you. I love you.”
“I love you too.” Regulus said as he rested his head on her shoulder.

*************

When Regulus and Pandora finally left the tent, breakfast was almost ready. “Why is your hair wet?” James asked as Regulus sat down next to him. Regulus pointed at Pandora, which caused James to laugh “Maybe that’s how I should wake you up in the mornings.” he said.
“If you do that I’ll kill you.”
“In front of the kids?” James gasped in mock surprise
“Circle of life.” Regulus shrugged.

Breakfast went exactly how Regulus expected, and he felt bad that Pandora was the one who had to deal with him. Regulus took a lot longer than everyone else to finish eating, and as a result, had to run to catch up to everyone who had already started this hike they were supposed to do.

About 10 minutes into the hike Regulus had some words for whoever thought it was a good idea to take a bunch of eight-year-olds on a hike. They were too hot, too tired, their feet hurt, they wanted to go back to camp, they hated hikes and the list went on. Regulus couldn’t count the number of times he was asked “How much longer until we can turn around?”.

Twenty minutes later, he was giving Andrew a piggyback ride because he couldn’t walk any further. James was somehow carrying 2 kids at once while Pandora and Lily carried a couple of their campers as well. The further they went the more Regulus’ chest continued to hurt. He had also forgotten to take Advil for his headache before they left. A single step slowly became torture.

“Andrew, why don’t you walk for a bit.” James suggested.
“I don't want to walk, I want Regulus to carry me.” Andrew responded by wrapping his arms around Regulus’ neck. “I think Regulus needs a break.”
“I’m fine James.”
“See, he’s fine.” Andrew argued.
“Regulus you look like you should sit down for a minute.” James insisted.
“I’m fine.”.

James put Lucas and Owen down before he grabbed Regulus’ arm. “Sit down with me for a second.”
“James, I’m fine.” Regulus argued, he knew if he sat down he wasn't getting back up. The pain in his head had only gotten worse, and he was having a hard time breathing with his binder being as tight as he made it.

James grabbed Andrew from Regulus' back and put him down. He then picked Regulus up and placed him on the ground. Regulus tried to get up, but James put his hands on Regulus’ shoulders and prevented him from moving. “Go catch up to the group and tell them Regulus and I will be there in a minute.” James said to the boys.

When the boys left James asked “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like nothing.”
“Well, it is.” Regulus said, before he tried to get up, but once again James didn’t let him.
“You look like you’re in pain.”
“I’m usually in pain.”
“You look like you’re in more pain than usual.”
“I’m not, can you let me up now?”
“No, we’re going to sit here until you tell me what’s wrong.”
“I guess we’ll sit here forever then because nothing is wrong.”
“Okay.” James said as he lay down in the dirt. Regulus went to get up but James grabbed his arm. In response, Regulus crossed his arms and stared at him.

The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes before Regulus said “Fine, my head fucking hurts, can we go now.”
“That’s not it, you’re breathing weird.”
“I’m breathing fine.”
“You’ve been like this all morning, but it’s gotten worse on the hike. Let me take you back to the tents where there’s cell service and a first aid kit in case something happens.”
“James, I’m fine.”.

Just then, Pandora showed up with Leo “Regulus!” he said, running into Regulus’ arms. “Are you okay? What happened?”
“I’m fine Leo.”
“He wouldn’t let me leave without him.” Pandora explained.
“All of you, I’m fine.” Regulus said for what felt like the millionth time.
“Pandora, does it look like he’s breathing funny?” James asked.
“Yes, it does. Regulus, I think you and I should go back to the tents and lay down for a bit.”
“I’ll come.” Leo chimed in.
“No, none of us are going back to the tents. I’m fine.”
“Regulus, I think you need to lie down for a bit. We can do that right here, or you and I can go back to the tents, it’s your choice.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus insisted.
“I’m this close to throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you’re ass back to the tents.” Pandora said with her two fingers nearly touching to represent her point. Regulus had a good feeling she wasn’t kidding, and he really didn’t want to be carried back so he agreed.

James laughed, “Pandora, I need you around more often. Can you get Sirius to listen to you like that.”. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“We can find out one day. I’ll go back with him, you two catch up with everyone.” Pandora said to James and Leo before looking at Regulus “Start walking.”

Once James and Leo were out of earshot Pandora said, “You can take a nap in the tent and take your binder off there.”
“I’m not a child.” Regulus argued.
“I never said you were. You just look tired.”

*************

Regulus woke up to the sound of a zipper being undone and James walked into the tent. “Sorry, did I wake you up?”
“No.” Regulus lied.
“You feeling any better?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Leo is very worried about you. He’s been begging to come in and check on you.”. Regulus laughed and said: “I’m going to miss that kid.” he thought about how a bunch of the campers were going home at the end of the week. James smiled, “I told you they would grow on you.”
“Ya ya.”
“I just came to get my phone, I’ll let you go back to sleep.”
“No, it's fine, I’m awake now. Besides, who am I to keep Leo waiting?” Regulus said which got a laugh out of James.

Regulus was surprised by how easy it was to talk to James. James was one of the few people who could spot the difference between Reegulus being sarcastic and Regulus being Sirius. Regulus didn’t have to worry about being too mean because he knew James knew he was joking. It had been almost a month and Regulus and James had developed an understanding for each other. They were both able to take over when the other had had too much. James could tell a lengthy story about a prank he and his friends pulled at school when Regulus didn’t have the energy to talk. Regulus could tell when James was looking for one of the kids and would silently point them out to relieve his anxiety. Regulus would never admit this, but in a weird way, they worked well together.

Regulus was lying on his stomach, and since he was wearing a t-shirt he was waiting for James to leave before he got up and put his binder back on. James seemed to pick up on the fact that Regulus wanted to be alone in the tent and said “I’ll meet you out there.”

The second Regulus stepped out of the tent Leo threw his arms around him. “James said you’re feeling better.”
“I am.”
“That’s good. I wanted to check on you the second we got back but James wouldn’t let me.”
“James was just letting me sleep.”
“But you’re awake now.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Come sit with us.” Leo said, grabbing Regulus' arm and dragging him over to Mateo, Levi, Ethan and a few of Pandora’s campers. By the time Regulus sat down, Pandora and James had also joined them.

Pandora rested her head on Regulus’ shoulder, and in response, one of her campers said “Pandora stop lying to us, there is no way you’re not dating.”
“I’ve shown you pictures of Xenophilius and I.”
“You probably found a random guy on the internet and photoshopped pictures of you two together.”
“If I was dating Regulus, why would I take the time to find pictures of some random guy and photoshop myself into them?”
“You tell me?” her camper said as she crossed her arms.
“I don’t think they’re dating. Regulus told us he’s single, and then James made fun of him.” Leo said.
“When?” James asked in shock.
“On the trampoline.”
“Oh, well he made fun of me first.” James argued.
“Very mature.” Regulus said to James then looked at the kids and said “Pandora is my friend, and Xenophilius is her boyfriend, not some random guy from the internet.”
“Have you met him?” one of the girls asked.
“Yes, he’s very nice.”
“How do I know you’re not lying to me?” the girl said as she crossed her arms.
“You’ll just have to trust me.”
“What about you then? Have you always been single?”
“Yes.” Regulus lied, he could feel James' worried eyes on him.
“Anna, you can’t ask people these things.” Pandora said.
“I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” Regulus said as he got up.

As he walked, he could feel James’ presence behind him. “I’m fine James.”
“I didn’t say anything.” James said as he ran to catch up to Regulus.
“I lied to get her off my case, that’s it.”
“Okay.”
“If you're going to ask me if I want to talk about it the answer is no.”
“I was going to tell you that you’ll find someone better than last time.”
“Great.”
“But you don’t have to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“James, I actually have to pee. Can you go away?” James wrapped Regulus in a hug before leaving him completely alone in the woods. Regulus stood there for a suitable amount of time to go to the bathroom before going back to join everyone.

*************

“She burned down Manderley!” Regulus argued with Lily while they sat in the sand and watched everyone else swim. “But she had her reasons. Maxim is a piece of shit, he killed Rebbecca!”
“So is she! She told the main character to kill herself!”
“That I do agree she shouldn’t have done, but she was grieving. I’m not saying she’s a perfect person, I’m just saying I understand why she did what she did.” Lily argued.
“Two wrongs don’t make a right, just because Maxim wronged you doesn’t mean you can go burn down Manderley!”
“Don’t tell me you believed Maxim when he said Rebecca was a terrible person.”
“I don’t! I can’t stand Maxim, and I can’t stand Mrs.Danvers!”
“So what would you have done as a final hurrah?”
“Probably left a dramatic letter about how I knew what he did and how I was going to avenge Rebecca. Why, would you burn down Manderley?”
“Probably not, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get why she did it.”
“I can’t believe you.”
“This isn’t an unpopular opinion, I made Sirius read Rebbecca and he said he was also a Mrs.Danvers apologist.”
“That’s on brand for him.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“He tried to burn our house down once when we were kids, but our parents caught him before he could succeed.”
“No, he didn’t.”
“He did a lot of dumb shit when we were kids.”
“You know, I don’t think he sees it that way. He usually seems pretty proud of the ways he was able to piss off your parents. He said it was his way of exercising his creativity.”
“That also sounds like him. Stupid idiot.” Regulus said which caused Lily to laugh.

“You know, when I came out to him, I told him I hated my long hair. That night, he snuck into my room in the middle of the night while I was asleep and cut it. I woke up halfway through when he realized he needed to cut the hair on the side of my head where I was sleeping.” Lily burst out laughing.
“He’s never told me that one.”
“It looked terrible, but I hated it less than when it was long.”
“Do you have pictures of this.”
“No, I wouldn't let anyone take pictures of me until it grew out long enough to go to the salon and get it fixed. I think Snape might have some though, he got a good laugh out of it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine, it’s funny now.”
“No, I’m not just sorry about that. I’m sorry about the way he treats you. I have talked to him. I tell him it's not okay and he says he won’t do it again, then he goes and does it again.”
“I don’t think he is the kind of person you think he is.”
“He’s just going through a hard time.”
“So are a lot of people, but they don’t act like him.”
“You’re right. It’s just, when we were kids he was such a kind person. I refuse to believe that version of him isn’t in there somewhere.”
“It’s not my business, but I’ve learned you can’t cling to a ghost of someone. People change sometimes, and it sucks, but you have to let go. I don’t know if that person is in there anymore Lily.”
“If I leave him, he will only be surrounded by terrible people that I know won’t hold him accountable for his actions.”
“It isn’t your job to fix him or bring back an old version of him.”
“Maybe.”

The two sat in silence for the next half hour. Regulus could tell Lily was thinking all about her relationship with Snape, but he also knew he couldn’t force her to not be his friend. She was going to do what she wanted, Regulus couldn’t change that. He could offer his opinion, he could tell her why he thinks what he thinks, but he couldn’t control her. Lily is her own person, and she would have to make her own decisions.

It was a little later when everyone was sitting around waiting for dinner and Regulus’ phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket to see his mom’s name. “I’ll be right back.” he said to Pandora.

He walked a little bit into the forest so he was out of earshot before calling his mom back. “********* why didn’t you answer my call?”
“I’m sorry, I was with campers. I called you back as soon as I could.”
“That’s not good enough. When your mother, the person who raised you for 18 years calls, you answer.”
“Yes mother, I’m sorry.”
“I’m calling for a couple of reasons. First, you were extremely disrespectful when your father and I came on Visitor’s Day. Second, I want to talk to you about your inheritance, I don’t think you are old enough to handle that much money.”
“I didn’t mean to be disrespectful mother.”
“Really, you didn’t mean to force your father’s car door open and run around screaming just to cause a scene.”
“I’m sorry. I was worried about Sirius.”
“What about Sirius?” she asked in a tone that one would use to discuss the weather.
“He- he was hurt.”
“No he wasn’t.”
“Yes he was, I watched McGonagall carry him towards Dr. Pomfrey’s office.’
“That didn’t happen *********”
“He was unconscious, I was there waiting for him to wake up. His face was all bruised.”
“No it wasn’t. You just decided to cause a scene. Your father and I were telling you how worried we were about you and the people you surround yourself with. Then you forced your way out of the car and started screaming.”
“I-” Regulus didn’t know what to say. He saw Sirius unconscious. He waited with Remus for him to wake up. He listened as Dr.Pomfrey said Sirius had a concussion.

“********* dear, is everything okay.”
“No, you hurt Sirius.”
“How could I hurt Sirius. He left this family, I haven’t seen him since.”
“You did, on Visitor’s Day.”
“I didn’t see Sirius on Visitor’s Day. You’re scaring me ********”
“No, you did.”
“Even if I saw Sirius, why would I engage with him? He isn’t my kid anymore, I don’t care what he does.”
“But you did.”
“No love, I didn’t. You’re confused, I think you should come home for a bit, something is obviously upsetting you.”
“No, I’m not upset.” Regulus choked out.
“You don’t even know what you’re feeling. You’re obviously upset, but you don’t seem to know that. I think you should come home. You’re father and I will help you, we love you.”
“No, I’m just- Sirius-”
“You don’t even know what you’re saying anymore *********”
“I’m calling the camp, your father and I will be there to pick you up in an hour.”
“I don’t want to go home. Besides, I am on a canoe trip, you can’t pick me up right now.”
“We will figure it out, don’t worry sweetheart.”
“Mom.

Mom!

Mom!” Regulus looked at his phone to see Walburga had hung up.

Regulus didn’t know what to do. With shaky hands, he called Sirius. He cried silent tears as the phone rang and rang. Eventually, he got to Sirius’ voicemail. Regulus didn’t know what else to do either than to leave a message “Sirius. I-I can’t. I don’t know what's happening. She does this, and I can’t do it. I’m tired. I-I can’t argue with her when I don’t know what’s real. I mean I do know, I saw it happen you know, but she- she makes me question it. I saw you hurt. She hurt you, are you okay? You’re hurt right? Right? You have a concussion, I’m not making that up right? I just, I can’t not know what’s happening. I hate this, all I do is question everything. She- says I can’t trust you, I can’t ask you what happened because you’ll lie to me, but I don’t think you will. I love you Sirius. I need you. I need you to tell me what happened, because I think you’re honest. You wouldn’t hurt me, she has told me before that you do hurt me but you don’t. Not like she does. We fight, but you don’t hurt me. Everyone fights, people suck, but not all people hurt each other right? I don't hurt you, do I? I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry. Sirius I’m sorry. I love you. Sirius can you call me when you get this? I need you to tell me what happened.” Regulus choked out before hanging up.

Regulus struggled to catch his breath. He couldn't breathe. He leaned forward and threw up. He then went back to fighting to breathe. The more he failed to breathe the more he panicked. He didn’t know what to do. As he was fighting to breathe he heard Pandora’s voice calling his name. He went to call out to her but he couldn’t talk. However, he must have been making enough noise for her to hear him because she was quickly by his side. He tried to tell her he couldn’t breathe, but he still couldn’t talk.

“Okay, let's sit down for a minute okay.” Pandora said as she helped Regulus to the ground. “Everything’s okay. You’re okay Regulus. I need you to relax.”. Regulus shook his head, he couldn’t relax. “I know, but you’re okay. You’re going to be fine in a minute. Just try your best to follow my breathing.”.

Regulus tried and failed for a few minutes to mirror Pandora's breathing until eventually, he had calmed down enough to be able to breathe. “Regulus what happened?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” Regulus responded. Pandora picked up a phone, it wasn't hers, but it was calling someone. She was silent for a minute before saying “I don't know, he’s saying he doesn’t know.” she was silent again before saying “No, I don’t think he would do that.” She was silent again before handing him the phone.

Dr.Pomfrey asked Regulus “Regulus, did you call your mother or did she call you?”
“She called me. I didn’t mean to throw up just now, it was an accident. I got all freaked out and it just happened. I’m sorry.”
“I believe you. Can you tell me what your mom said to you?”
“She said that Sirius is okay, but I thought he had a concussion.”
“He does have a concussion, but he is going to be okay.”
“Where is he?”
“It’s last period, he’s at the ski docks.”
“Okay.”
“Regulus I called because your mom called that camp and said she was worried about you. She said you called her, but you weren’t making sense.”
“No, she called me.”
“Okay, and she told you Sirius wasn’t okay?”
“Ya, she said that she didn’t hurt him on Visitor’s Day, but I remember her hurting him.”
“Can you give the phone back to Pandora for a minute please.” Dr.Pomfrey asked, clearly trying to hide how worried she was, but she did a terrible job of it. “Are you going to make me go home? Please don’t make me go home.”
“I'm not going to make you go home. Can you please put Pandora on the phone.”. Regulus handed the phone back to Pandora.

He watched as Pandora periodically nodded until she finally said: “We’re supposed to come back tomorrow. I think it would be easier for him to come back with us, we’ll be okay.” she was silent before saying “Yes, I’ll call you at dinner if I have to.”. She was silent again before saying “Okay. Ya he seems a lot calmer than when I found him, I think he'll be okay.” She paused and said “Okay we’ll call you if we need anything.”. She went quiet one last time before saying “Goodbye.”

“Sorry” Regulus said, breaking the silence between them.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Okay.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for about twenty minutes before Regulus was ready to go back and join the group. When Regulus sat down beside James he acted as if everything was normal. Almost nobody even noticed they were gone.

**************

It was a little after dinner, Regulus only ate to avoid Pandora calling Dr.Pomfrey. Regulus had done what he does best; block everything out and plan to never revisit any of it. In fact, it was actually embarrassing the way he called Sirius asking him what was real. Regulus didn’t know what he was thinking, now Sirius would be all worried and would want to talk all about it (a consequence of being friends with James Potter). Regulus had left his phone in the tent under a pile of clothes as an excuse for not answering when Sirius called; however, the suspense was starting to get to him.

Sirius was stubborn, when he wanted something he found a way to get it. Regulus wouldn’t be surprised if he somehow showed up in his own little canoe in a few hours. When they were little, and Walburga would lock Regulus in his room, Sirius would scale his way up the house and enter Regulus’ room through his window just to check in on Regulus.

Regulus knew the exact second Sirius called James because Taylor Swift’s voice rang out “Ladies and gentlemen will you please stand? With every guitar string scar on my hand, I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover”. Just as James was answering the phone, Regulus whispered “Tell him I’m not here.”. James looked confused then worried. “He seems fine to me, why what happened?” James then stood up, grabbed Regulus by the arm and started walking into the woods so they were out of earshot.

Regulus wanted to protest, but he also didn’t want Sirius to hear him on the other side of the phone. He remained silent and followed behind James. “How long ago did this happen?” James asked as his face only grew more worried. He was silent for a moment before he said: “I’m with him right now.”. Fucking traitor, Regulus thought to himself.

James looked at Regulus as if he were about to hand him his phone, Regulus shook his head immediately and mouthed, ‘I don’t want to talk to him’. In response, James mouthed ‘He sounds really worried about you.’ and said into the phone “Ya one sec.” before forcing his phone into Regulus’ hands. Regulus immediately hung up.

“Regulus!”
“He’s worried about nothing!”
“Then tell him that, don’t hang up on him!” James said as he called Sirius back. He then apologized and said “I don’t know why he did that. He keeps telling me he’s fine.” James was silent before saying “Ya I figured that much. Obviously, he didn’t mention anything.” James was quiet before saying “Ya.” and then turned on the speakerphone.
“Regulus this is what she does-” Regulus tried to walk away but James grabbed his arm “she tells you what she wants you to think. I’m okay, but it’s in spite of her. It all happened okay? No matter what she says, it happened. I love you okay, and sometimes, like when you don’t answer your fucking phone after leaving me a message like that, I want to rip your hair out; but it’s because I love you. I worry about you, yes we fight, you’re fucking annoying, but I would never hurt you and I would never lie to you about us fighting. Call me, okay? I love you.” Sirius said before he hung up.

Somehow Regulus managed to remain stone-faced during Sirius’ whole speech, but the second James let go of Regulus’ arm he ran into the tent and didn’t leave for the rest of the night. He got into his pyjamas and pretended to be asleep every time someone came in the tent.

***********

“You’re lying. Don’t lie *******”
“I’m not.” Regulus said through tears.
“Yes, you are, and I don’t want to hear you spreading this lie around. You want attention, do something impressive, don’t spread lies about Aubrey who has been nothing but good to you.”
“He hasn’t.” Regulus cried.
“Yes, he has, and if you say anything different, nobody will believe you.”
“Sirius would.” Regulus whispered to himself, he didn’t intend for his mother to hear him, but she did. As she stormed towards him Regulus felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Regulus, wake up.” came James’ voice. Regulus quickly sat up and forced James’ hand off him. His throat felt raw and tears were streaming down his face. “Regulus, look at me, you’re here with us. You’re safe okay. Everything is okay, it was just a bad dream.” Pandora said. Just then Regulus noticed Gideon, Fabion, Lily, Pandora and James all surrounding him. “Sorry, I just- I’m going to go get some air.” he said as he practically ran out of the tent.

Regulus had only taken a few steps before Leo wrapped him in a hug. “Leo, please don’t touch me right now.” Regulus choked out, fighting the urge to push Leo off him. “Leo, let's go back to your tent, okay?” James’ said as he peeled Leo off Regulus and began to carry him away.

Suddenly Pandora was beside him “Let’s go sit over there for a bit okay.”, and began walking before Regulus could answer. He wiped the fresh tears from his face only for new ones to fall as he followed Pandora.

Pandora sat down and stared at the water and Regulus followed. Without looking at him she said “That was fun huh.” Regulus laughed and said
“Fuck me.”
“I’m sorry, I tried to wake you up when it started, but I knew you wouldn’t want to be touched. I kept saying your name but you wouldn’t wake up. Then when you started screaming James shook you awake, which you seemed to really enjoy.” Pandora said sarcastically. “I didn’t mean to wake you guys up.”
“We’re counsellors, we get woken up all the time. Trust me nobody is upset with you about that.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I figured you wouldn’t.”
“I don’t want to go back in the tent either.”
“Where are you planning on spending the rest of the night?” Pandora said, entertaining Regulus’ ideas. “Out here.”
“You’re going to get eaten alive by mosquitoes.”
“Better than going back in there. Hey guys sorry I woke you all up by screaming my head off, that happens sometimes. Anyway, let's all pretend it didn’t happen and go back to sleep.” Regulus joked.
“That seems like a reasonable thing to say. Those people are your friends, they’ll support you however you ask.” Pandora replied.
“No, I’ll just stay out here.”
“You're going to see them eventually.”
“What if I pretend to be asleep and you carry me back in, then I don’t have to talk to anyone.”
“Like you did earlier today? You know that won’t always work.”
“So you’re saying I’m going to have to find another way to avoid everyone.”
“No, I’m saying you should talk to your friends and let them care about you.”
“I’d rather die.” Regulus said stone-faced.
“You're being ridiculous. We’ll sit out here for as long as you need to relax and until your face isn’t all red from crying. Then we're going back in there.” Pandora said all matter of fact. Regulus wanted to argue, but he knew it would be pointless.

They sat out there for the next half hour, which in Regulus’ opinion wasn’t long enough, before going back into the tent. Regulus could feel everyone’s eyes on him as he walked over to his sleeping bag and hid inside of it. He didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

Friday

Regulus pretended to be asleep when people started to wake up. He pretended to be asleep when Gideon and Fabian started breakfast. He pretended to be asleep when Pandora came back into the tent and said “Regulus I know you’re awake.”. Regulus stayed motionless and silent. “Fine, but James is coming in here to change.”
“Will you stay with me?” Regulus broke his silence.
“While James changes, no. James says he doesn’t care if you’re in here, I just thought I would warn you.”.

Regulus reached out from under his sleeping bag and grabbed Pandora’s leg. “Please.”
“No, are you coming with me or not?” Pandora asked. Regulus rolled over so he wasn’t facing Pandora in response.

When James walked in he was fully clothed and soaking wet. “What happened to you?” Regulus asked. James started to laugh and explained:
“The boys pranked me. I didn’t even see it coming, it was quite impressive. I was just sitting there talking to Lily; all 12 of them were supposed to be washing the pots and pans in the lake, but they just went to collect water and dumped it on me.”. Regulus couldn’t help but let out a little laugh.

When James took his shirt off Regulus pulled his sleeping bag over his face to give James some privacy. Regulus remained frozen until he heard James’ voice and realized James was lying right beside him, “I get how you feel, this is how I felt after the incident on the water trampoline. When my parents took me back to the cottage I went straight to my bed and hid under the covers with no plan to get out of bed. My mom might not seem like it, but she is very good at tough love. She said ‘James I know you feel like shit, but tomorrow you are going back to camp. It’s going to be hard, but the only way through it is to face it head-on. I’m not going to watch you throw everything away again because that will only make things harder than they already are.’ I don’t kno-”
“Again?” Regulus asked.
“Oh ya um,” James said, clearly unaware that he had given that much away “remember when I said that there was one time I didn’t leave my house for 6 months straight?” James asked referring to Visitor’s Day where James talked to Regulus about his anxiety. Regulus nodded in response. “When I was 16 Sirius crossed a line with Remus. He-he did something really out of character, but he was, and still is, my best friend. I thought maybe somehow it was my fault. Like maybe I said something to encourage him to do that. Sirius loves Remus and he would never hurt him on purpose. A few hours before it happened, he had jokingly said something related to what he was going to do. I thought there was no way he would actually do it, so I said ‘Moony will kill you, but it’d be pretty funny.’. The- then Sirius actually went and did it. When I thought back on it I figured Sirius might have been asking my permission to do what he did, and I felt awful. Like what kind of person would encourage that. I couldn’t talk to anyone, because I was worried I would make them do something bad. When I stopped talking, and nothing got resolved I thought maybe my presence was bad enough to fuck everything up. That was when I went home and crawled into my bed. I didn’t leave my bed for a week, and I didn’t leave my house for 6 months.”. At this point, James was holding back tears “What I’m trying to say is I get how you feel, and maybe tough love isn’t what you need right now but let me tell you from experience, it only gets worse if you isolate yourself.”.

Regulus knew exactly what James was referring to. He had been in the bathroom when it happened. Snape was washing his hands when Remus and Sirius walked in. There had clearly been an altercation with Snape earlier as everyone sounded on edge when Remus and Sirius walked in. Sirius had also been in a fight with their mother that morning. Sirius was angry, and bad things happened when Sirius got angry.

Sirius said “You think you’re so tough Snivillus, we could have you running away with your tail between your legs if he wanted.”
“Lupin doesn’t scare me, and neither do you Black.”
“If we don’t scare you, we can always unleash Moony’s psycho ex-boyfriend on you.” Sirius said. “Boyfriend? Here I thought I was calling Lupin a f*****t as a joke, but I guess it’s not a joke anymore.” Regulus could tell by the scared tone in Sirius’ voice when he claimed he slipped up and meant girlfriend that he had spoken before could actually think about what he was saying.

He heard someone, who he later figured out to be Remus, storm out of the bathroom and Sirius running after him. Regulus didn’t leave that bathroom stall for the next hour, in fear of the storm he knew his brother just caused.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Regulus said as he wrapped his arms around James’ neck and put his head on James’ chest. “Thank you, it took me a long time to realize that.”. They were silent for a moment before James said “You know, you’re quickly becoming one of my best friends.”
“What?”
“You don’t have to say it back.” James said teasingly.
“We’re friends?” Regulus asked with genuine confusion.
“Yes, do you not think we’re friends.”
“I don’t know, I just kinda thought you’re nice to me because you have to be.”
“You don’t think of me as your friend?” James said, sounding hurt.
“No, I do. I like being around you, I just didn’t realize it was mutual.” Regulus admitted.
“Regulus are you joking?” James said with genuine concern as he sat up.
“No.”
“Regulus, you’re a good friend of mine. By the end of the summer, I have no doubt that you will be one of my best friends. I like hanging out with you.”
“But Sirius is your best friend.”
“What, so that means I can’t be friends with you too?”
“I mean when you say it like that it sounds stupid.”
“Because it is. I’m friends with both of you.” James claimed.

Regulus couldn’t help it, he started to laugh. “What?” James demanded.
“You’re very defensive about the fact that you’re friends with both Sirius and I.”
“Well apparently I have to be since someone thinks they’re just someone I tolerate.” James said, quoting Regulus from the beginning of the summer. Regulus sighed “I was being stubborn.” James laughed.
“You, stubborn?”
“You’re such an idiot.” Regulus said. James laughed and wrapped Regulus in a hug before resting his chin on Regulus’ head.

**************

James and Regulus had stayed in the tent so long that Pandora brought breakfast into the tent before saying they needed to start packing up. “I’ll eat it on the bus.” Regulus mumbled as he started to roll up his sleeping bag.
“Or you can eat it now.” Pandora suggested.
“I’m not eating it now.” Regulus said, ready for it to turn into a fight. Most days, he would give in. He would fall under the pressure and eat. Make everyone else happy. Make them think he was doing better, but at that moment, he couldn’t do it.

Not after that night. Not after being reminded just out of control he really was. He needed this one thing. Regulus couldn’t let Pandora talk him into eating, because that would mean everyone else would win. Everyone would be in control of every aspect of his life, and there would be nothing left for him. No decisions that he could make all on his own.

People have always told him how much they love him after completely disregarding him. After doing what they wanted, and getting what they wanted they would tell him how much they ‘loved’ him; but they didn’t, they loved the control. They loved that Regulus was their very own puppet, and that they could do whatever they pleased with him. They loved that Regulus had no control. He had to go along with everything, because it would be so much worse for him if he didn’t. He wasn’t brave like Sirius, so he did everything they wanted out of fear. That fear controlled him.

“Regulus.” Pandora said softly.
“No.”
“You have to eat.” James added unhelpfully.
“I’m not eating.” Regulus said as he began to shove clothes into his backpack.

Pandora spent the next hour trying to get Regulus to eat, but he wouldn’t budge. She even tried calling Dr.Pomfrey, but he remained silent the entire call and continued to refuse food. Dr.Pomfrey ended the half-hour call by telling Pandora to try again at lunch, which Regulus took as a win.

************

When it was finally time for Regulus to come out of hiding and leave the tent, Leo rushed over to him and wrapped him in a hug. “I missed you too.” Regulus said to Leo.
“You know, it’s really inconsiderate of you to scream like a little girl and wake us all up.” Logan said. “Logan.” James glared at him, but Logan didn’t budge.
“I mean what’s so scary that you had to make it everyone else’s problem?” Logan teased. Regulus stayed silent, he didn’t know what to say. “Logan, come with me.” James said and grabbed his hand before he started to walk into the woods out of earshot.

“What happened last night? Are you okay?” Leo asked.
“I’m okay.”
“Usually it helps to talk about the things that upset you.” Leo said in repetition of Regulus their first night of the canoe trip. “You’re getting too smart for me. I did talk about it, but thank you.”
“You can talk to me about it.”
“It’s not for you to worry about. I’m your counsellor, you're my camper.”
“I guess.” Leo said, but he didn’t seem all that convinced.

Logan and James walked back out of the woods about ten minutes later and then James watched as Logan apologized to Regulus. Regulus told him it was fine and that he didn't care, he really just wanted everyone to stop talking about the previous night and move on.

They packed up the canoes and split into the same canoe groups they had upon their arrival. Regulus counted all the kids and watched as James counted them all two more times “We have everyone.” he said to James when he finally sat down beside Lily.
“I know, I just wanted to make sure. Not that I don’t trust your counting I think you’re a great counter I-”
“James, I’m not offended. I’m just trying to help you relax.”
“Oh right, thank you.”
“You welcome.” Regulus laughed.

It had been about an hour on the road when the bus driver pulled into a McDonald's parking lot as part of the canoe trip tradition was to get some sort of fast food at the end of the trip. After James handed all the campers $20 that the camp gave them for food, Regulus remained seated. He was hoping that everyone would forget about him and he could hide on the bus until they were back on the road. Pandora, however, didn’t seem to be a fan of this plan as she grabbed his arm and started dragging him towards the building.

Regulus stared at the menu while all the kids ordered, memorizing the number of calories for every item on the menu. He had never known the true talent of his memory until he started to take note of calories. He could see a nutrition label once, and that information was suddenly ingrained in him for life. He could keep count of every single calorie he had consumed every day without having to write anything down. He would add, subtract and divide, using math every single day of his life.

“Are you going to order?” a grumpy-looking old man asked from behind Regulus. “Oh sorry, no you go.” Regulus replied before Pandora interrupted with:
“Yes he’s going to order, wait your turn.” then looked to Regulus to order.
“Can I please get a small iced coffee.” Regulus said to the employee.
“Will that be all.” the woman asked, just as Regulus was about to answer yes Pandora said: “No.” and then looked at Regulus to order something else.
“Yes that will be all, thank you.” he said as he avoided Pandora’s gaze.

Pandora followed Regulus as he went back outside to join everyone. James smiled as Regulus sat down beside him, Pandora, however, was not smiling as she sat down next to Regulus. Without saying a word Pandora handed Regulus a chicken nugget. “I don’t want this.” he argued.
“Just have one.”
“No.” Regulus said as he put the chicken nugget back in her bag and left.

It was about a half hour until everyone was done eating and back on the bus. Once again James counted all the kids 3 times to make sure they had everyone. Once the bus started moving he looked over at Regulus and said through a laugh “Did Sirius ever tell you that when we were 14 we went to hide in the bathroom to see if they would forget us at McDonalds?”
“No, but Dorcas told me when you guys were 14 and they were leaving McDonald’s they didn’t even make it out of the parking lot before wondering why it was so quiet. Then they realized you guys were missing.”. At this Lily started laughing, “I forgot about that.” she added.

They talked for the rest of the bus ride clearly avoiding the topic of Regulus which he greatly appreciated.

*********

When they arrived back at camp there were two people waiting right outside the bus. Dr.Pomfrey and Sirius. Clearly, this was what happened when Regulus tried to avoid his problem. They came back to haunt him in groups.

Regulus looked to James, he knew at least part of this was his fault. It certainly wasn’t Regulus who told Sirius when they would be back. “He asked me when we would be back, I answered him. I wasn’t really thinking about it.” Regulus rolled his eyes. The kids began to rush off the bus and Regulus hoped he could somehow blend in and get back to the cabin without being caught by Sirius or Dr.Pomfrey.

The second Regulus stepped off the bus Sirius wrapped him in a hug. Regulus immediately began to push Sirius away. With his hands on Sirius’ shoulders, he said “Let me go.”
“No. Regulus, we need to talk.”
“No, we don’t, let go.”
“I’m not letting go.” Sirius said stubbornly as he gripped Regulus tighter. Regulus looked for someone to help him. He looked to Pandora, but she just looked at Dr.Pomfrey. He looked to James, but James was busy trying to keep the attention off Regulus and Sirius. He looked to Dr.Pomfrey, but then he remembered how much he didn’t want a lecture from her. Finally, he looked at Sirius “Please let me go. I was being dramatic yesterday. I got caught up in the moment, but I’m fine I promise.” Regulus lied.

“I’m not letting go Regulus. You can either come with me willingly or I’m going to drag your ass to my cabin and hold you down while we talk.” Sirius said, completely serious. Just then someone grabbed Regulus’ leg “Don’t go.” Leo said.
“I know how much you love Regulus, but I need to talk to him for a minute okay Leo?” Sirius said as he held Regulus tight. Regulus was surprised that Sirius knew Leo’s name, but then remembered he was James’ best friend and knew James he probably talked about the kids a lot. “No, it’s not okay. He doesn’t want to go with you. He wants to come with me, right Regulus?”. Leo asked.

Regulus knew in that moment that both Leo and Sirius were prepared to cause a huge scene to get what they wanted. They were both holding onto Regulus, but neither of them was hurting him. He was worried the more he fought this, the more desperate and aggressive it would get. Yet he could also tell that Leo was scared. It was clear he cared about Regulus and was only trying to help.

Regulus looked at Sirius and said “Can you let me talk to him?”
“No, you’re just going to run away.”
“I won’t, I promise. I’ll go with you, but I need you to let me talk to him.” Regulus said. He was no longer trying to push Sirius away, instead, he was just letting Sirius hold him. “You can talk like this.” Sirius said without letting go of Regulus. Regulus had a feeling it wasn’t going to work but tried anyway “Leo I’m okay, I promise. I need to talk to my brother for a minute okay? Can you please go with James and I’ll meet you at the cabin.”
“You can talk like this.” Leo said and held onto Regulus tighter.

At this, James decided to jump in. “Come with me Leo, we’ll see Regulus soon but he needs to go with Sirius right now.”
“No he doesn’t”. Leo argued. James then had the awful idea to try and grab Leo and pull him off Regulus. This only upset Leo more; he started to scream and kick James away while still holding onto Regulus. “Leo please stop, I’m okay. I want to go with Sirius.” Regulus said. Leo didn’t stop.

Dr.Pomfrey jumped in by pulling James away from Leo so he wouldn’t get hurt. This only caused Leo to kick Sirius. Leo was putting all his energy into his kicks which was something that didn’t take long for Sirius to discover. As Sirius was trying to avoid Leo’s wrath he tripped over Regulus’ leg which caused all three of them to fall.

Regulus landed on his back with Sirius using him to break his fall. He immediately felt the pain in his head, which hadn’t been bad at all, intensify. Leo, who was already pretty close to the ground jumped up immediately. As James rushed over, Regulus expected him to go right to Sirius, but it was Regulus he seemed truly worried about. He helped Regulus to his feet and held his arm out behind Regulus just in case. It was only once James dusted Regulus off that he asked Sirius if he was okay.

“Alright this had been fun, but if your last name is not Black then please go back to your cabin.” Dr.Pomfrey said, as she unnecessarily held a hand out to steady Regulus. Leo tried to protest but Dr.Pomfrey wouldn’t have it, and when she wanted to be, she was taken seriously. As everyone began to disperse, Dr.Pomfrey led Sirius and Regulus to her office.

***********

“Sit down.” Dr.Pomfrey said to Regulus as she closed the door. Regulus obliged. “What have you had to eat today?” she asked.
“An iced coffee.”
“I asked what you had to eat.”
“Iced coffee.” Regulus repeated. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sirius fighting back a laugh. “Coffee isn’t food. Have you had anything else?” Regulus looked down at the ground. “Did you drink any water today?”
“Iced coffee.”
“That’s nott water.”
“Some of the ice melted as I was drinking it.”
“That doesn’t count Regulus. I’m going to go get you something to eat.” Dr.Pomfrey said before she left.

The second the door closed behind her Sirius broke and busted out laughing. “It’s not funny.”
“N-no it’s no-ot.” Sirius said while he laughed. Eventually, he was able to calm himself down and said “It’s just, that's the exact conversation I used to have with Effie and Monty all the time.”.

Regulus got up to leave, but as he started to walk away Sirius grabbed his arm, “No Regulus, I’m not making fun of you. It just hits me sometimes how similar we can be.”
“We’re not similar at all.” Regulus said as he pulled his arm back out of Sirius’ grip and tried to walk away. “Regulus stop. I’m worried about you.”
“Clearly.” Regulus said sarcastically.
“Clearly, what the fuck do you mean clearly?! You called me hysterical, asking me what is real and telling me how tired of it you were, then when I call you back you don’t answer me, and to top it off when I call my best friend to talk to you he has to force you to listen to me! Obviously I’m worried about you, and obviously I care about you! I’m trying here Regulus.” Sirius said with his voice breaking on Regulus’ name.
“I told you, I was freaking out over nothing, I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. People who are fine know what’s real. People who are fine eat! People who are fine talk about what’s bothering them instead of shutting everyone else out!”
“Leave me alone Sirius.” Regulus said as he tried to push past him.
“No.”

Just then Dr.Pomfrey walked in with a big bowl of pasta and a big thing of water. “I’m not eating that.” Regulus protested and crossed his arms.
“Regulus if you don’t eat I’m going to have to take you to the hospital and I’ll tell you right now if you don’t like this, you really won’t like what they do there.”
“I’m not doing either. I’m an adult, you can’t make me do anything.”
“When I feel that you are unsafe, there are a lot of things I can do.”
“Regulus, this is a lot easier, trust me.” Sirius said suddenly sympathetic.

Regulus ran over to Sirius and buried his head in Siriuus’ shoulder. He expected Sirius to push him away since he was being a dick to him not even 5 minutes ago, but instead, Sirius held him tight. “Regulus trust me, you are going to have a lot more control this way than you will other ways.”
“I can’t.”
“If you don’t want pasta we can get you something else. You can choose what you eat.”
“I can’t eat.”
“Yes, you can. I know how you feel, trust me our parents fucked me up too; but you have to eat something.”
“I’ll have an apple.” Regulus said. He expected Dr.Pomfrey to tell him that wasn't enough, that he needed to eat more, but instead, she said “I’ll go get one for you.”.

After Regulus ate the apple and drank some water Dr.Pomfrey let him go as dinner was supposed to be soon anyway. Sirius insisted on walking him to his cabin and as they walked said “Come to James’ after camp.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t stay with our parents. You’re losing yourself to them.”
“I’m not.”
“We both know you’re lying. Regulus, that house is suffocating. There are eyes on you at all times, waiting for you to mess up. They thrive off you fucking up. They love how scared you are of them. The fucking get off on hurting you. People who love you don’t do that.”
“I can’t just leave them Sirius.”
“Why not.”
“Because they’re our parents. As similar as you think we are, I’m not you. They might hurt me, but I need them.”
“You don’t need them, what could you possibly need them for.”
“You don’t understand.” Regulus said as he walked up the stairs to his cabin.

Sirius didn’t understand. He didn’t understand how no matter what, his parents were still there. Sure they could be cruel, but at the end of the day, they were there. They hurt him, but they had to be present to do so. They reminded him constantly of his failings, but they were there to see him fail. They made him miserable, but they were there to do that too. Maybe it was fucked up, but Regulus loved them. He didn’t need them to love him back, he just needed their presence. He needed that little bit of consistency. After all, he knew what to expect from them, misery.

Regulus stopped when he saw Sirius wasn’t following him “Are you coming in?” he asked. “I can if you want me to.” Sirius replied sounding confused.
“Since when do you do what I want?” Regulus asked. Just because Sirius didn’t understand him didn’t mean he wanted Siriuus to leave. “I don’t have to come in if you don’t want me to.”
“If you don’t want to come in just say so.”
“No I do want to.”
“Then come in.” Regulus said as he opened the door.

When Regulus stepped into the cabin Leo practically jumped into his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked while avoiding looking in Sirius’ direction.
“Yes, I’m okay.”. From behind him, Sirius ran over to James and practically jumped into his arms as he said “I didn't get to say hi to you.” at the same time James caught him and said “I missed you.”. Regulus let them have their moment as he started to grab clean clothes from his shelf and headed toward the shower.

*************

When he got out of the shower James and Siriuus were sitting on James’ whispering to each other and giggling. “How did you two survive 3 days without each other?” Regulus joked.
“It was so hard Reg.” Sirius said as he put his arms around James. In response, James pouted. “You two are idiots.” Regulus said and nobody argued.

It was about a half hour later when someone knocked on the door. It always threw Regulus off when someone actually knocked as most of the time people just walked right into the cabin. When Regulus opened the door Narcissa was standing there looking scared. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Me?”
“Yes you, who else would I be talking to?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes?”
“Are you going to stay the rest of the summer?”
“Why wouldn't I?” Regulus asked.

Just then Sirius interpreted by stepping between Regulus and Narssisa and said “I think you should go.”
“You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Regulus is fine. You got the answer to your question, now you can leave.”
“What’s going on?” Regulus interrupted.
“Nothing.” Sirius replied.
“Clearly not nothing.”
“It’s nothing you need to worry about.” Sirius snapped.
“He doesn’t know?” Narcissa asked.
“Know what?” Regulus asked.
“Nothing.” Sirius dismissed.
“Sirius what’s going on?”
“I’ve got it covered Regulus. Narcissa you need to leave.”
“No she doesn’t. Tell me what happened.” Regulus demanded.
“Aunt Walburga came here last night. She said-”
“Don’t worry about it Regulus.” Sirius interrupted.
“What did she say?” Regulus asked as he completely ignored Sirius.
“She said something was wrong. You were sick or something, and she had to take you to the hospital.” Narcissa said.
“Oh,” Regulus paused “I’m not sick.” he said with no emotion.
“Goodbye Narcissa.” Sirius said.
“Fuck you Sirius.” Narcissa said as Sirius pushed her outside and locked the door.

Regulus knew Walbuurga threatened to come to camp and pick him up, but he thought when he told her he was on a canoe trip she would change her mind. For some naive reason, he thought everything was solved until the end of the summer. Clearly not.

“Le saviez-vous? (Did you know about this?)”
“Oui (Yes.)”
“Et tu ne me l'as pas dit?! (And you didn’t tell me?!)”
“C'était juste après que tu m'as appelé. (It was right after you called me)”
“Tu aurais pu me le dire aujourd'hui. (You could have told me today.)”
“Je ne voulais pas ajouter à tout ce qui te stressait déjà. (I didn’t want to add to everything you were already stressed about)”
“Je ne suis pas un enfant! (I’m not a child)”
“Je n'ai jamais dit cela.(I never said that)”
“C'est clair que tu y pensais! (Clearly you were thinking it.)”
“Tu ne sais pas à quoi je pense. (You don’t know what I’m thinking.)”
“Tu sais ce que je pense? Je pense que tu devrais partir ! (You know what I think? I think you should leave!)”
“Regulus.”
“Non, pars et reviens quand tu ne me mentiras pas. (No, leave and come back when you won’t lie to me.)”
“Je ne t'ai pas menti (I didn’t lie to you.)”
“Get out.” Regulus said as he shoved Sirius out the door and locked it again.

“Brothers am I right.” Regulus joked when he realized the whole cabin was staring at him. James walked over to Regulus and asked “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“Anything you say to me in confidence stays between us, you know that right.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.” James said as he hugged Regulus.

************

Dinner went as well as anyone would’ve predicted. Regulus refused to eat anything for an hour and ended up having to go back to Dr.Pomfrey’s office with her. There she spent another hour and a half trying to get Regulus to eat. When he finally finished eating Regulus felt more out of control than ever. He couldn’t make Sirius tell him everything. He couldn’t make his mother stay away. He couldn’t make himself starve.

Dr.Pomfrey made Regulus stay with her for another half hour to ensure he didn’t purge, before walking him back to his cabin. When he got back to his cabin he told the boys he was really tired. He got into his pyjamas and proceeded to lay in his bed and stare at the wall as he pretended to be asleep. It was about an hour after James got back for the night and went to bed that Regulus actually fell asleep.

Chapter Text

There is a little bit of French in this chapter which I used Google Translate for, so feel free to correct me if you notice any mistakes

TW
ED (not that bad in this chapter but definitely still there)
Abuse (Walburga and Orion's A+ parenting)
Almost accidental deadnaming (but it doesn't happen and it is very blink and you miss it)
Racism (it's more James dealing with it behind the scenes and Regulus doesn't know the detail, but it's there)

Saturday

When James’ alarm went off Regulus pulled the covers over his head. He felt James sit down at the edge of his bed. “Good morning Regulus.” he said softly. “No.” Regulus said in response.
“No?” James laughed.
“No.” Regulus repeated.
“You’re just going to hide under your covers forever?”
“Have you been talking to Pandora?” Regulus said as a joke. To Regulus’ surprise, James responded with “Yes.”

Regulus pulled the covers down and looked James right in the eye “What?”
“I can’t talk to Pandora?” James asked.
“How often do you talk to Pandora about me?”
“We don’t always talk about you.”
“You talk to Pandora?”
“Yes, why?”
“She’s my best friend.”
“You talk to my best friend all the time, I can’t talk to yours?” James teased.
“That’s different. I’m forced to talk to him.” James smiled as he said
“No, you aren’t, you talk to him because you love him. Now get up, we’re going to be late for breakfast.” Regulus was so surprised by everything James had said, and didn’t know what to do either than get up before James dropped another bomb on him.

As they walked to the dinning hall Regulus couldn’t help himself, he asked “How often do you talk to Pandora?”
“I don’t know, I see her almost every day so probably almost every day.”
“How often do you talk to her when I’m not around?”
“Three or four times a week probably.”
“What?”
“Ya, we’re friends.”
“You and Pandora are friends?”
“Does that surprise you?”
“Yes.” Regulus stated, he couldn’t imagine a world where James and Pandora were friends.“Why?”
“Because she’s my best friend.”
“We’re almost the same person, of course, we’re going to get along.”
“No, you’re not, you are two very different people.” Regulus said, shocked that James would think he was similar to Pandora in any way. They were both great people, and Regulus enjoyed being around them, but they were so different. “The only difference between us is I’m louder,” James paused before he continued “and I guess I talk a lot more.”
“No!”
“What else is different?” James asked.

Regulus tried to think of something that differentiated the two of them. He would’ve thought it would be easy to come up with something, but the more he tried to think of differences, the more he realized James was right. The only differences he could come up with were stupid things like gender. James was right, which infuriated Regulus. Regulus continued to try to come up with at least one thing when James started laughing. “See, we’re the same person.”
“Shut up.”.

As they talked, Regulus noticed Mateo following closely behind them. When Regulus looked over at him to make sure he was okay he immediately looked guilty. In the past month, Regulus had learned this look all too well.

Eight-year-olds were constantly doing things they weren’t supposed to be doing. Regulus had lost count of the number of times the kids were running out of his sight after being told ten times not to do that exact thing. It was almost a daily occurrence where one of them thought it’d be a good idea to do something stupid like hanging off the rails of the top bunks.

Regulus thought it would be hard not to get mad at them for it. Not to scream and yell, just like his parents. After all, they say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Instead, he found it entertaining to see the stuff these kids would get up to. Of course, he wasn’t happy when they ended up breaking things, but he wasn’t filled with the rage his parents always had. He would tell them not to do it again, and that would be the end of it. He found there was never a reason to get as mad as his parents did. It just wasn’t that big of a deal. He wondered if it was different if the kids were your own, because he couldn’t imagine laying a hand on any of his campers. He couldn’t imagine leaving scars they would be stuck looking at for the rest of their lives.

“What did you do Mateo?” Regulus asked without a hint of anger.
“Nothing.” Mateo replied a little too quickly.
“We won’t be mad if you tell us the truth.” James added.
“It’s not my fault.”
“Okay, tell us what’s wrong and we can help you fix it.” James said.
“You can’t fix it.”
“We’ll do our best to make it better then.” James said. Mateo looked directly at Regulus and started to cry. Regulus wondered if this was his fault. He couldn’t remember doing anything to upset Mateo, but sometimes eight-year-olds were unpredictable.

“Do you want to talk to just one of us?” James asked.
“James, can I tell you, but then you will see that I can’t fix it.” Mateo cried.
“Sure.” James said before he looked at Regulus and asked
“Can you stay with the others?”
“Of course.” Regulus replied as he went to catch up to the other boys.

Regulus felt terrible, he clearly did something really bad. He had worked hard to erase his unlovable reputation when he was around the boys. He knew what a lot of people thought of him. He had seen their stares and been in the room when people thought he wasn’t. Not many people liked Regulus, and he had learned to be okay with that, but he wanted that to be different with his campers. He wanted them to like him, to go to him when something was wrong, to trust him.

It was nïeve, but Regulus thought he had that relationship with them. He thought they viewed him as someone they could trust. He thought they saw the part of him most people didn’t care to discover. He thought they saw that, just like everyone else, he was a person. A person who cared, a person who loved and a person who lost. Instead, they probably saw him like everyone else did, stone cold.

When James and Mateo arrived in the dinning hall 5 minutes later James walked over to Regulus and hugged him. “What did I do?” Regulus asked, worried.
“Nothing, I’ll tell you later okay, but I want you to know you’re loved.”. Regulus was even more confused, he’d expected to be in trouble. He wasn’t sure what he did, but Mateo was clearly upset, and it was because of Regulus.

Regulus spent the entirety of breakfast wondering what could have possibly caused complete opposite reactions from Mateo and James. Dr.Pomfrey asked him 5 times what was bothering him, each time he responded with “Nothing”. He could tell she wanted to push the issue, but she was too busy trying to get Regulus to eat.

In the middle of breakfast Dumbledore announced “Hello everyone, your unit head is going to come around with a list of all the campers that are going home tomorrow. The campers going home will spend the day packing with their counsellors.”

In all the chaos, Regulus had forgotten that they were approaching the end of the first month of camp. He wasn’t surprised to prove James right, he was sad that some of the boys would be leaving. While he watched McGonagall walk around and hand counsellors their paper, he thought about the letter Leo had written at the beginning of camp, where he talked about how scared he was for the summer but also how he was only staying for one month. Regulus was going to miss Leo, he knew he wasn’t supposed to have favourites, but this was one rule he had to break.

When McGonagall walked up to their table she asked: “Potter and Black, can I please speak with you privately?” Regulus immediately got up, he would take any excuse to avoid eating.

Regulus looked at James and wondered if this was about Mateo, but James seemed just as surprised as Regulus was. They followed McGonagall outside where she stopped and said “You guys have done a great job this month. I have gotten several emails from parents raving about how happy their kids sound in their letters. I’m really proud of you both.”
“Thank you.” James said as the biggest smile appeared on his face. Regulus couldn’t help it, he smiled too. James’ joy was infectious.

“No, thank you. I can’t say the same to Severus and Lockhart. I’ve gotten a lot of complaints from parents about them. Kids are writing their parents, begging to go home. A few parents have shortened their kids’ time here, and others have asked if there was any way to move their kids into a different cabin. A lot of these parents went to camp when they were kids, and wanted their kids to enjoy this place just as much as they did. I suggested to them that their kids transfer to your cabin and see how that goes.”. As McGonagall continued to talk, Regulus saw James’ smile fade out of the corner of his eye; his excitement had disappeared just as fast as it appeared.

“When did these complaints start?” James asked.
“The second week of camp.” McGonagall responded.
“And you just left the kids in that cabin?!”
“There was nothing I could do. I talked to Dumbledore and he said it would be too complicated to move the campers.”
“Then replace Snape and Lockhart!”
“James trust me I tried, but the best option Dumbledore would give me was this.”
“We’re moving them into our cabin now.” James said and went back into the dinning hall.

Regulus and McGonagall stood there in an awkward silence before Regulus said “He’s right.”
“I know he’s right.” McGonagall sighed, it was clear she wanted to say more, but stopped herself. Regulus imagined it couldn't be easy having to go along with everything Dumbledore said, and McGonagall didn’t seem like the type of person to do that blindly. McGonagall looked tired, like she had been doing this a long time. She looked like she did fight back long ago, and probably learned it was a waste of time.

Regulus followed McGonagall back inside to see James and Sirius arguing with Snape as Dr.Pomfrey tried to de-escalate the whole situation. “All of you stop!” Dr.Pomfrey shouted above everyone. The entire dinning hall went silent, not one single person tried to act like they weren’t easve dropping. “Potter this is not the way to deal with things.”
“Neither is ignoring the issue completely!” Sirius shouted. Regulus wasn’t sure how much of what was going on Sirius actually knew about, and how much of it was him standing behind James in a fight against Snape.

“Which kids were you going to transfer to our cabin?” James asked.
“James-” McGonagall tried.
“No, I want to know which ones are my campers now.” James demanded. Regulus could see in James’ face how much he was holding back. He could tell he wanted to tell McGonagall exactly what he thought of making these kids spend a month with Snape and Lockheart as their counsellors, but refrained in front of the kids.

McGonagall was about to answer when Dumbledore walked over “Mr.Potter, why don’t we go talk outside.” Dumbledore said. It was more of a demand than a question, but James still responded with “No, anything you have to say you can say here.”.
“This doesn’t need to be a big thing.” Dumbledore said calmly. James started to laugh, Regulus gave Sirius a worried look. He had never seen James this angry, and he had a feeling it was only going to get worse.

“Nothing ever needs to be a big thing with you! Let’s just all forget about it just like we forget about everything else! But wait, no we don’t forget about everything do we, we don’t forget abou-”
“James stop!” Dumbledore interrupted. Regulus expected Dumbledore to be angry, but along with that anger was fear. It was clear that this wasn’t just about Snape’s campers anymore. James was upset about something else, and from Regulus’ time living with James, he knew it took a lot to make James this angry.

Regulus looked to Sirius, he looked just as upset as James did. When he looked over to McGonagall, all he saw was understanding on her face. Whatever it was James was upset about, she was on his side. Regulus realized he was also on James’ side. He didn’t know what James was upset about, but he knew it was something important. James wouldn’t get this mad over something irrelevant.

“Regulus here is the list of kids going home tomorrow that you and James need to help pack.” McGonagall handed Regulus a piece of paper before looking at a few kids at Snape’s table “Jacob, Oliver and Jake remember what I talked to you boys about a few days ago?” McGonagall asked looking at a few kids from Snape’s table. The three boys that Regulus assumed to be Jacob, Oliver and Jake nodded. “We’re going to do that today instead of tomorrow okay? Why don’t you boys come with me to get your stuff.”. The kids didn’t argue, they got up and followed McGonagall out of the dinning hall.

Regulus didn’t want to look down at the paper. Had grown to really like these kids and couldn’t imagine being a counsellor without any of them. He especially dreaded seeing Leo’s name on that paper. Before this summer, Regulus would tell anyone who would listen how much he hated children. Leo was the kid who made him realize how wrong he was about that. It was silly, but Regulus had grown to really care about Leo.

Regulus looked down at the paper and found their cabin. He was surprised to see only 3 names. Usually, for this age group, a lot of kids went home after one month. After reading off the names Elijah, Logan and Aaron, Regulus looked directly at Leo. Leo smiled back at him. “I thought-”
“Suprise.” James and Leo said in unison as James picked up Leo and spun him around.

When James put Leo down Leo ran up to Regulus and announced “I’m not going home yet! James said he would help me surprise you.”. Regulus bent down and hugged Leo. Regulus looked up at James, he didn’t know what to say so he just sat there and smiled up at him. “I’m staying too.” Sirius joked.
“That’s a first for you.” Regulus retorted and the mood instantly changed. Maybe it was too mean, but Regulus was still mad at him, and his words shoot to kill when he’s mad.

James looked from Regulus to Sirius, he had known them both long enough to know what was coming next. “C'est toi qui ne viendrais pas avec moi. (You’re the one who wouldn’t come with me)” Sirius argued. Regulus was about to respond when James said “If you two insist on fighting do it when the kids aren’t around.”
“I wouldn’t need to fight with him if he wasn’t such a stubborn prat.” Sirius claimed
“I wouldn’t need to fight with you if-” Regulus started
“Enough!” James yelled. “What did I just say? Fight later when there aren’t kids around.”. Regulus bit his tongue and held himself back from saying ‘Oh don’t worry we will.’; when he looked over at Sirius he could tell he was also holding himself back from saying something.

**********

The walk back to the cabin was silent until James said “Just so you know, Mateo speaks French.”
“Oh.” Regulus said. No wonder Mateo was so upset. When Regulus and Sirius argued in French they held nothing back. They assumed nobody could understand them so they let everything out. After all, they were the only ones who really knew the other. They knew firsthand what it was like growing up with Walburga and Orion as parents. They could let their guard down and show the other just how ugly they could be, because they knew the other understood. Even at their worst, they knew the other understood why they were the way they were. “Ya.”

When they got back to the cabin McGonagall was waiting with the 3 boys. “I wasn’t sure where you wanted them to put their stuff since all the beds are full.” McGonagall said and motioned for all the boys to go wait in the cabin. “Oh um,” James paused to think “why don’t we have Caleb and Owen share a bed? I’ll go get that mattress from Dr.Pomfrey, and I can sleep on the floor. That frees up my beds.” James suggusted. McGonagall smiled “James, I know you’re upset with me as well as Dumbledore, but I want you to know I’m proud of you.”
“Then why are you taking his side?” James asked as his eyes started to water.
“James, I’m doing everything I can. Dumbledore didn’t want me to move kids to other cabins at all.”. James looked like there was more he wanted to say, but held back and said “Okay.” before going into the cabin.

“All right everyone we’ve got a big group today. I know I’ve seen you three around camp, but it is really nice to formally meet you guys. You probably know but just in case, I’m James and this is Regulus.”. The boy with red hair tilted his head at Regulus in confusion and asked “Regulus?”
“Yes.” James said firmly.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you mad.” The boy said to James, instantly retreating.

Regulus knew what that was like all too well. He knew how it felt to tiptoe over every single word. He knew what it felt like to not understand why he was in trouble. He knew what it felt like to apologize, but had no idea what he was apologizing for. He knew what it felt like to want so desperately to be good, but despite your best efforts, you are unable to please the people whose opinion matters the most.

“It’s fine James.” Regulus said to James then looked at the kid and said “We’re not mad at you for asking a question. You’re allowed to question things as long as you are respectful about it.”
“Why are we allowed to question things?” One of the other 3 kids said with a laugh. At this, James started laughing too. “Because how are you supposed to learn anything if you don’t question stuff.” Regulus replied.
“But this is camp, not school.” the kid complained.
“You’re always learning stuff.” Regulus said in response. He thought this was a sensible thing to say but James just started laughing at him and called him a nerd.

While everyone was laughing at Regulus’ expense the last kid who still hadn’t said anything raised his hand. “Do you have a question?” James asked. The boy nodded. “You don’t have to raise your hand, just shout out your question.”
“I don’t want to be annoying, but I was wondering where are the three of us going to sleep.”
“You’re not annoying. You’ll sleep in one of our beds, Caleb and Owen will share a bed and I’m going to go get another mattress from Dr.Pomfrey’s office.” James replied.
“Thank you.” The kid said.

**************

As they packed Regulus’ migraine kept getting worse. He tried his best not to let it show but he could tell James had noticed and was worried.

Regulus was helping Elijah get his sleeping bag folded up when his migraine got even worse. It was like a knife stabbing him right behind his eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the pain would lessen when he felt a gentle hand on his back. “Sit down for a minute, I’ll do this.” James said softly.
“No, I’m okay.”
“I didn’t ask if you were okay, I told you to take a break for a minute.”
“I don’t need to take a break.”
“Okay, then take an unnecessary break.”
“No, I’m not going to sit and watch as you do everything.” Regulus argued.

Just then James gentility held Regulus’ wrists and started pulling him towards his bed. “No, James I told you I’m fine.” Regulus argued as he pulled back. James was holding onto him in a way Regulus could break free from his grasp if he really wanted to, but tight enough to let Regulus know he wasn’t kidding. “Just sit down for 5 minutes.” James argued. “I don’t need to.” Regulus replied stubbornly. He didn’t want to feel useless. He was there to help the kids pack and that’s what he was going to do. He wasn’t going to just sit there while James did everything.

James pushed Regulus down so he was lying on his bed. Regulus immediately went to sit up. In response, James sat right on Regulus’ stomach. “We’re sitting like this for the next 5 minutes, so don’t argue with me.”. Regulus propped himself up on his elbows in way of resistance. James laughed and then gently pushed him back down. Regulus proceeded to argue with James for the next five minutes.

“Five minutes is up, let me go.”
“Let’s wait another five minutes.” James said, his smile only grew as Regulus processed his betrayal. “You traitor!” Regulus complained. James didn’t argue. “Just relax for a bit okay.”
“No, not okay. You said five minutes, let me up.”
“I’ll let you up in another five minutes.”
“How do I know you’re not lying to me?” Regulus argued as he crossed his arms.
“I guess you’ll have to wait to find out.”
“I hate you.” Regulus lied.
“No, you don’t.” James smiled as he pushed Regulus’ hair out of his face.

***********

When Regulus opened his eyes it was starting to get dark. He looked around to see Elighja’s, Logan’s and Aaron’s stuff all packed up. “Feeling better?” James had the audacity to ask. Regulus got up and out of bed to shove James against the wall “You tricked me.”
“You looked tired, so when you fell asleep I let you sleep.”
“We’re just going to hold me down until I fall asleep?”
“Yes.” James answered, he didn’t look like he felt bad about any of it. “You can’t do that.”
“I just did.”.

Regulus wanted to scream and cry at the same time. Part of him was mad that he forced him to take a nap like he was a child. The other part of him didn’t know people did things like that. Nobody ever did anything for Regulus. Nobody cared how much pain he was in or how he was feeling, they just expected him to push through and do whatever it was he was supposed to be doing. Nobody ever let him take a break. Except James.

James packed up these kids and took care of them all day on his own just because Regulus wasn’t feeling well. He did this all without being asked to do any of it. In fact, Regulus asked him to do the opposite, but James didn’t listen. The annoying thing was James was right. Regulus was feeling a lot better, and he had been quite tired. “Well, don’t do it again.” Regulus said.
“No promises.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“And you’re feeling better.” James said through the biggest smile as he wrapped his arms around Regulus in a hug. Regulus sighed and hugged him back.

*************

That night, the evening program was bittersweet. It was something they did every summer the night before some of the campers were going to leave. Everyone, including the counsellors, was given a white shirt that read Inters Month 1 at the top. There were many colours of paint laid out. Evan instructed everyone to lay their shirt on the ground and then go put their hand in any colour paint they wanted to. They were then meant to press their hand down on all of their cabin member’s shirts, although people often branched out and got their friends from other cabins to put their hand prints on their shirts.

After everyone was done putting their handprints on each other’s shirts, the kids took paintbrushes and started painting on the shirts. Regulus and James were standing together watching the kids when James said “You put your handprint on my shirt too right?”
“No, I don’t like you that much.” Regulus joked. Even though it was clear Regulus was joking, James looked upset. “I’m just kidding, of course, I did.” Regulus said as he dipped his finger in yellow paint and tapped James’ nose.

Regulus expected James to move away and wipe the paint off his face, but instead, he just smiled. Regulus tested his luck and drew a star with his finger on James’ cheek. James didn’t move. “Why are you letting me do this?” Regulus asked with a smile. “It kinda feels nice.”
“Does it?” Regulus asked as he started drawing a sun on James’ other cheek.
“It does, and you seem to be enjoying it too.”
“Maybe I’m trying to sabotage you.”
“How so?” James asked with a smile
“You have such nice skin, it’s not fair.” James seemed confused by this.
“You have nice skin too.” he tried.
“No, I break out all the time. I haven’t ever seen you with even a pimple in all the years I’ve known you.”
“You don’t break out that often.”
“You’re just saying that because you have to.”
“I don’t have to say anything.” James said as he dipped his finger in red paint and drew a smiley face on Regulus’ cheek.

James and Regulus spent the rest of evening program drawing on each other’s faces. On the way back to the cabin they stopped by Dr.Pomfrey’s office to get the spare mattress.

When James laid it down on the ground he looked at Oliver and said “I have an extra blanket you can use, or do you want to use your blanket.”. Oliver looked surprised and asked, “Am I allowed to?”
“That’s why I’m offering it to you.”
“Okay, thank you James.” Oliver said with a smile.

James guided Jake to his bed and ensured him that it was in fact okay for him to sleep in his bed. “Are you going to sleep with me?” Jake asked.
“No, I’ll sleep on the floor for tonight.”
“What, no you take my bed.” Regulus interrupted.
“No, you’re taking your bed.” James stated.
“No, I’m not, I’m not even tired because someone let me sleep pretty much the whole day.” Regulus argued as he crossed his arms. James started to laugh. “Why is this funny to you?” Regulus asked in genuine confusion. “I’m sorry, it’s just really hard to take you seriously when you have smiley faces painted all over your face.”
“You’re so annoying.” Regulus complained. Jake and Oliver started to giggle.
“What?” James asked with a smile.
“You two fight like an old married couple.” Oliver said.
“We do not.” Regulus protested, surprised that Oliver thought that. James however, didn’t argue, he just laughed.

Just then there was a knock on the door. James opened the door to Peter and Remus. At that moment, James seemed to remember something. He turned Regulus and the campers and said “I’ll be back in-” he paused to think and then continued “soonish” before leaving.

Regulus and the boys stared at the door that James had so abruptly closed. “I mean, I am the one on OD tonight.” Regulus said.
“Do you know where he’s going?” Levi asked.
“No idea.” Regulus replied.

******************

Four hours later, when all the boys had gone to sleep, James got back. Regulus didn’t know what he had been doing, but he knew he would find out about it very soon. James only confirmed this with a mischievous grin as he whispered “Hi Regulus.”
“Hi.” Regulus whispered back.

James walked over to his shelf where he wrapped himself in a blanket and laid down on the floor. “No no no.” Regulus protested as he tried to pull James towards his bed.
“No” James whisper laughed as he tried to grab onto something.

When Regulus pushed James onto his bed he stood right back up and pushed Regulus onto his bed in retaliation. “You’re ridiculous.” Regulus said with a smile. “You’re ridiculous.” James repeated back.
“What do I have to do to get you to sleep in my bed?” Regulus asked.
“There is nothing you can do, I’m sleeping on the floor.”
“This is ridiculous, let’s just share my bed for tonight.”
“Are you sure, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You share a bed with Sirius at least once a week, and if anything, he seems too comfortable.” Regulus replied. James laughed
“Ya, but that’s Sirius.”
“You’re not making me uncomfortable, I’m the one who suggested it.”
“I’m okay with it, but you promise you’re okay with it too?”
“I promise James.” Regulus said as he lay down on the mattress. “Okay.” James said as he climbed back on the bed and faced Regulus. “You’re such an idiot.” Regulus said in response to James' smile.
“Yep.” James replied.

Regulus closed his eyes to go to sleep. A half-hour later when he heard James’ soft snores, he gave up on sleep. He opened his eyes and looked at James, he looked so peaceful. Regulus hadn’t realized until that moment that James had nice eyelashes. They were so long and soft; Regulus wanted to reach out and touch them. Then he realized how weird that was. Who touched people’s eyelashes while they were asleep? Weird people, that’s who. Yet, Regulus still wanted to reach out and touch them.

Regulus turned around so he faced the wall instead of James. He lay like that for another 4 hours before he finally fell asleep.

Sunday

When James’ alarm went off Regulus went to roll over towards his wall when he hit a warm body. He opened his eyes to see James. As Regulus scanned the cabin he remembered he wasn’t alone in his bed. “Morning.” James said with a smile, because of course he was smiling at 7 in the morning.

Regulus rolled over and covered his head with his blanket. “Regulus” James laughed.
“No.” Regulus replied. James wrapped his arms around Regulus and said “You have to get up. There is something you have to see at the dinning hall.”
“What did you do to the dinning hall last night?” Regulus asked as he pushed the covers down. “You’ll have to get out of bed to find out.”
“It’s too early for this.”
“It's never too early for a Marauders prank.”
“Yes it is, it is always too early for a Marauders prank.” Regulus replied.

James laughed as he pulled Regulus off his bed. Regulus dramatically lay on the floor as James stood over him and laughed. “C’mon Regulus, you don’t want to lay on the dirty floor.”
“But I don’t want to get up.” Regulus complained.

Just then Elijah appeared at Regulus’ side and said “You have to come to say goodbye to us Regulus.”
“Ya Regulus” James pouted. Regulus looked up at Elijah and slowly sat up “Of course I’m coming, just give me a minute.”. Elijah smiled as he pulled Regulus by the arm to help him up.

James laughed as Regulus let Elijah pull him up and asked: “You feeling okay?" Regulus nodded and tried to ignore the sharp pain that had returned to his head. “How’d you sleep?”
“Fine.” Regulus lied.
“You look tired.” James said, sounding concerned.
“It’s 7 in the morning.”
“You look more tired than you should be.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus said. James was about to argue when Aaron yelled “I can’t find my bear!”.

James ran over to Aaron who was crying and asked, “When did you see him last?”
“Last night.” the kid cried.
“Don’t worry, he can’t have gone far.”
“I can’t leave him, he’s my best friend.”
“I’ll make sure that bus doesn’t drive away without you and your bear on it okay, let’s start looking for him.”. Five minutes later Mateo found Aaron’s bear under one of the beds.

**********

“You’re going to be in so much trouble.” Regulus said when he saw the buses waiting outside the dinning hall. Dumbledore was going to be so mad, he was genuinely afraid for James, Peter, Remus and his brother. James laughed and asked, “Isn’t it brilliant?”
“No James, it’s not brilliant. Dumbledore is going to kill you.”
“He already hates my guts, what’s a little more fun?”. At this point, all their campers were laughing. Regulus was genuinely stressed. Dumbledore didn’t like it when things didn’t go his way; he didn’t like being the bud of the joke.

“Isn’t it great Reggie.” Sirius laughed from behind Regulus. “No Sirius it’s not. He’s going to kill you guys.”
“He’ll get over it.”
“Sirius, he’s not going to find this funny.”
“That’s kind of the point.” Regulus was about to argue some more when he decided there was no point.

The bus was covered in unflattering pictures of Dumbledore. Some of the pictures had been hand drawn with paint, while others were printed pictures that were tapped onto the bus. There was writing all over the buses sharing embarrassing stories about Dumbledore and many jokes made at his expense. Regulus could tell James and Sirius were mad when he did it, because they didn’t hold back. However, it was clear some of the things written weren’t jokes. There were several phrases about how Dumbledore didn’t care about anyone but himself, and how everything he did for other people always benefited him. Technically they weren’t wrong, but Regulus didn’t think they would write these things for the whole camp to see.

McGonagall arrived before Dumbledore and when she saw the state of the buses she angrily pulled James, Sirius, Peter and Remus aside. “Is James in trouble?” Levi asked, clearly worried.
“Dumbledore won’t be happy, but it’s nothing you have to worry about.”
“I don’t want him to be in trouble, James is good.”
“He is good. You don’t need to worry, he’s going to be just fine. James does dumb stuff all the time and he always laughs about it later.” Regulus said, in an attempt to convince himself as well as Levi. “I think he might get in more trouble than usual. Dumbledore will like this a lot less than when he put food colouring in the pasta.”
“It’s true,” Regulus admitted, but felt like he had to remain optimistic for Levi “but there is no point in worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet.”.

Just as Regulus finished his sentence Dumbledore stormed over to James, Sirius, Peter and Remus. Peter looked terrified, Remus looked like he couldn’t care less, Sirius was laughing and James looked pretty proud of himself. Regulus knew it was going to be bad when Dumbledore pulled them away where nobody could hear them.

They waited and waited for James, Sirius, Remus and Peter to come back, but they never did. Dumbledore however did return and seemed quite happy when he told them that James wouldn’t be there to say goodbye. McGonagall on the other hand looked very upset. Elijah, Logan and Aaron begged to not get on the bus until they could say goodbye to James. Elijah started kicking and screaming when Dumbledore grabbed his arm and dragged him onto the bus.

When Regulus went to intervene Dumbledore pushed him away. Regulus kept fighting to get Dumbledore to let go of Elijah, he didn’t like the tightness in which his hand wrapped around Elijah’s little wrist. The more Regulus fought against Dumbledore the more aggressive he got. Regulus could tell Elijah was scared, as Regulus begged him to let go. Dumbledore shoved Elijah into a seat and looked over to Logan and Aaron. “Do I need to do the same to you two!?” Dumbledore yelled. The boys both shook their heads as they ran to a seat. “Regulus off the bus, it’s leaving now.”
“Can I just have a second to say goodbye to my campers.”
“No.” Dumbledore said as he grabbed his wrist with the same tightness that he grabbed Elijah and started to drag him off the bus.

When Dumbledore’s nails dug into Regulus’ skin he couldn’t help but feel like he was a little kid. It was like he had gone back in time, touched something he wasn’t supposed to touch, spoke when he wasn’t supposed to speak, go somewhere he wasn’t supposed to go. His mind automatically started to look for Sirius, but Sirius wasn’t there to save him this time.

When Regulus kicked Dumbledore off him it was a reflex; however, Dumbledore didn’t see it that way. Dumbledore kicked Regulus right back and then started to drag him off the bus. Right as they reached the doors Regulus yelled “Bye boys, it’s been a pleasure being your counsellor!”. Regulus thought that Dumbledore would let go when they got out of the bus, but that wasn’t the case. Dumbledore looked to McGonagall and said “Take Potter and Black’s campers back to their cabin for them.” as he continued to drag Regulus.

The farther away they got from everyone the more Regulus started to resist. He didn’t know where they were going or what Dumbledore was going to do to him. Every time he asked, Dumbledore just ignored him. Regulus had begun to put everything he had into not going with Dumbledore. He was screaming and grabbing onto anything he could, but Dumbledore was surprisingly strong for an old man. When Regulus fell to the floor Dumbledore pulled him up in a second and continued to drag him to wherever they were going.

Dumbledore dragged Regulus into his office, and he was surprised to see Mr and Mrs.Potter sitting there with them. The second James and Sirius saw Regulus they both said in unison “He had nothing to do with the bus.”
“I know, but he was very disrespectful when the buses were leaving.”.
“Let go of him.” Sirius demanded. At this point, Regulus started crying. He had done so well at holding the tears back on the bus, while the bus drove away and while Dumbledore dragged him to his office; but when Sirius stepped in even after their fight, he couldn’t keep the tears back. Dumbledore didn’t let go. “I said: Let. My. Brother. Go.” Sirius demanded a second time. When Dumbledore still didn’t let go Sirius got up and ripped his arm off Regulus. “Don’t touch my brother like that ever again!” Sirius yelled. Regulus wanted to get Sirius to stop. He wanted to tell Sirius it was okay and to leave it alone even though it wasn’t, but he couldn’t breathe.

The second he started to freak out, Mrs.Potter was by his side. “I-I can’t b-breathe!” He cried.
“Okay, it’s going to be okay. Look at me for a second. Just try and follow my breathing.” Mrs.Potter said calmly. “I-I can’t.”
“That’s okay, just try your best.” Mrs.Potter said and started to take big exaggerated breaths. Regulus tried and failed to follow her breathing. The second he started to get more freaked out she said “How has Leo been.”
“H-he’s okay. He decided to stay longer.”
“You must be doing a pretty good job as a counsellor if he’s decided to stay.”
“I don’t know, maybe he just likes this place.”
“You’re part of this place though right!”
“I guess so.” Regulus nodded. Mrs.Potter continued to ask Regulus questions about Leo; Regulus tried his best to respond because he knew it would be rude not to.

“Feeling a bit better?” Mrs.Potter asked, just then Regulus realized that he was able to breathe again, and he had been breathing while talking about Leo. Regulus wiped the tears from his face and nodded. Sirius sat down beside Regulus and gently picked up the arm that Dumbledore had forced his nails into. It was all red, and there were little cuts where Dumbledore’s nails were. “Did you do this!” Sirius shouted, not at all asking. “He wasn’t coming with me willingly.” Dumbledore said, as if that justified everything. Before Sirius could say anything to that Mrs.Potter said, clearly angry “It doesn’t matter what he did, you don’t treat children like that.”. Mrs.Potter paused and said, “Albus can we speak privately for a moment.”. Dumbledore looked like he didn’t want to be alone with Euphemia and Flemont Potter after everything he did, but didn’t really have a choice.

Sirius, Remus, Regulus, James and Peter were all silent as Effie, and Monty Dumbledore walked into a different room and closed the door behind them. They all tried desperately to hear what they were saying, but couldn’t. When Sirius finally gave up he picked up Regulus’ arm again and began to study it. “Asshole.” he whispered under his breath.
“It’s fine Sirius.” Regulus mumbled
“No, it isn’t.” James said angrily.
“I’m okay.” Regulus said as he tried to assure both James and Sirius that he was fine.
“I’m going to kill him.” Sirius said, clearly he had completely ignored Regulus’ reassurance that he was fine. “It’s nothing compared to what our parents do.” Regulus tried again to reassure Sirius.
“That’s not the point Regulus.” Sirius argued.

Regulus tried to pull his arm back but Sirius only tightened his grip. “Let go.”
“I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“That’s funny, you haven’t done that in a while.” Regulus said, because if he knew how to do one thing, it was a fight with Sirius. “Really, you want to do this here? Okay fine. What do you think I have been doing all summer asshole?!” Sirius argued, but put Regulus’ arm down.
“Pestering me out of guilt.” Regulus replied stubbornly. He knew Sirius cared, but he also knew some of it had to be guilt. “Really, is that what you think this is?!” Sirius said as his eyes started to water. “That’s what I know this is.” Regulus lied.
“Is someone caring for you that foreign to you?!” Sirius asked.
“You caring for me is.”
“Regulus I have spent my whole life caring for you. All I do is worry about you, and all you do is continue to push me away.”
“That’s not true, I asked you to stay.”
“And I asked you to come with me.”
“If you really cared you would’ve stayed.”
“I couldn’t, I was going crazy in that house. It was suffocating, I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t abandon you Regulus, I abandoned them. You were the one who chose to stay.”
“I didn’t choose anything.”
“You chose not to come with me.”

Regulus was about to argue when the door opened and Effie, Monty and Dumbledore walked out. Regulus was surprised when the next thing that came out of Dumbledore’s mouth was “Boys I owe you an apology. I’m sorry.” It was a no-effort apology, but Regulus was surprised it was there at all. “It’s okay.” Peter said, but nobody followed. When Regulus looked over to James he could see him holding his tongue. Dumbledore clearly expected to be immediately forgiven and seemed shocked at Remus, James’, Sirius’ and Regulus’ reluctance.

“Whatever.” James said as he got up to leave. Sirius, being James’ loyal best friend got right up and followed James out. The two were then followed by Effie and Monty. Regulus and Remus then got up and followed them out. Confused, Peter got up and left, not wanting to be left out. When Regulus looked at James, he was holding back tears. He sensed that he might want a moment alone with his parents and friends and said “James, I’ll go back to the cabin to check on the boys, take your time here okay.”. At this, James could no longer hold back his tears and cried as he said
“Thank you, Regulus.”
“Of course.”

*********

When Regulus opened the door to the cabin all the boys ran up to him. Regulus kneeled down to hug the kids back. As Leo wrapped his hands around Regulus’ neck Levi worridly asked “Where is James?”.
“He’ll be back soon.” Regulus replied.
“Where is he? I want to go see him.”
“You’ll see James soon.” McGonagall said, and saved Regulus from having to come up with an answer that would satisfy Levi.

**********

Regulus was helping Jacob put his sheets on what used to be Logan’s bed when James walked in. Regulus expected him to look upset, but when he walked into the room his smile was so big that anyone who didn’t know James would think James was having the best day of his life; but to Regulus’ surprise, he did know James. He knew James and he knew there was something hiding under that smile of his.

All the boys ran up to hug James, but Levi was the first one to wrap him in a hug. “Did you get in trouble?” Levi asked.
“Ya, but it was worth it, did you guys see Dumbledore’s face?” James laughed. The boys laughed as they started to yell over each other about their favourite parts of the prank. When Regulus looked at McGonagall he was surprised to see that even she was laughing at what the boys were saying.

James made a game of helping the three boys unpack with that same smile still on his face. He talked to each kid like they were the most interesting person in the world as he helped organize clothes into cubbies. He asked the boys about their families as he helped tape the pictures of that same family to the posts of the bed. He looked so happy, but when James thought nobody was looking, that smile was gone. He was sad, but he was trying so hard not to let it show, and Regulus knew all too well what that was like. It was sad to see how good at it James was.

James’ laugh was so contagious that it was hard to believe it was fake, but it was. It wasn’t the same laugh he gave when Regulus would say something sarcastic. It wasn’t the same laugh he gave when Sirius would tell a joke that only an eight-year-old child should find funny. It wasn’t the same laugh he gave when he was pulling a prank. The light in his eyes wasn’t there, and Regulus hated that. He hated that Dumbledore took away that light, even if it was only temporary. Regulus hated any amount of time where he had to see the darkness in James’ eyes, because James deserved to shine as bright as the sun.

************

When they left the cabin for dinner Regulus finally got the chance to talk to James alone. “Dumbledore is an idiot.” Regulus said.
“Ya, but there’s nothing we can do about it either than ignore him.” James said, with that forced smile that Regulus hated. “Or publicly humiliate him.” Regulus joked. James gave a small laugh before Regulus continued. “He hurt you, I’m not going to ignore that.”
“He didn’t hurt me.”
“Yes, he did.”
“Regulus’ I’m fine.”
“I thought you hated it when I did that.”
“What?”
“Tell you I’m fine when I’m not.”
“But I am fine.”
“Okay.” Regulus said in a way that made it clear he didn’t believe him.
“I am.”
“If you say so.” Regulus continued.
“I do say so.”
“And I do believe you.” Regulus lied.

James sighed and gave Regulus a gentile shove “I will be fine, now let’s talk about something else.”
“The new boys seem really sweet.” Regulus said to change the subject because that was all he could do. He couldn’t take James’ pain and sadness away, but he could give him this. He could give him the chance to forget about it all and talk about anything and everything.

*********

To make Regulus’ day even better, Sirius decided to join their table for dinner. Of course, he had to sit right next to Regulus, because why would he sit anywhere else? Regulus had planned on ignoring Sirius until he could leave, but Sirius had gotten pretty good at demanding Regulus’ attention over the years.

Regulus spent his childhood trying his best to ignore Sirius’ antics, but Sirius seemed to know Regulus couldn’t fully tune him out. Regulus would pretend to ignore Sirius, but Sirius knew he was just pretending, and that was what delighted him the most. He knew Regulus couldn’t block him out, and oh how he loved that.

“Are you still mad at me?” Sirius asked.
“Yes.” Regulus replied, but he wasn’t sure that he was telling the truth.
“Because of today, or because I didn’t tell you mum came to pay you a visit?”
“Both.” Regulus spent so much time telling himself that he was mad at Sirius, but it was rarely Sirius he was mad at. He said he was mad at Sirius because he was allowed to be. He wasn’t allowed to be mad at his parents. He wasn’t allowed to be mad at the Black family name. He wasn’t allowed to be mad at their status. He was only ever allowed to be mad at Sirius because being mad at Sirius was expected. He was always the one causing trouble. He was the one breaking the rules, that everyone else followed. It was okay to hate Sirius, everyone did.

“I was trying to protect you.”
“I don’t need your protection.”
“You seemed to need it when you called me asking what was real.”
“I shouldn’t have done that.”
“But you did.”
“I don’t want to talk about this here.”
“You don’t seem to want to talk about it anywhere.”
“I guess not.”

Regulus was about to argue with Sirius when Dr.Pomfrey said “Sirius.” with that warning tone Regulus knew quite well. Sirius gave Dr.Pomfrey a look that said ‘he’s the one being difficult’ to which Regulus responded with “You’re welcome to leave Sirius.”
“I don’t want to leave, I want to talk to you.”
“You’ve said.” Regulus replied as he took a reluctant bite of his burger.
“Regulus.”
“Sirius.”
“Stop being such a prat. All I’m asking you to do is talk to me,” Regulus was about to interrupt when Sirius put his hand to Regulus’ mouth and continued “and don’t you dare say ‘I’m talking to you right now’. I just want us to be okay again, is that really too much to ask?”
“Yes.” Regulus said.

Regulus spent the rest of the meal acting as if he had tuned Sirius out. He didn’t engage with him no matter how much he wanted to. He didn’t even look in Sirius’ direction. He hated every second of it. When Sirius ran away, Regulus discovered that he would much rather fight with Sirius than not interact with him at all.

That night, the evening program was all about the kids getting to know the new kids. Regulus could tell James wanted to talk to him about Sirius. He could see in James’ face that he was fighting off the urge to tell Regulus to make up with Sirius. James probably thought he was being stupid, but Regulus didn’t care.

Regulus didn’t feel like going out after evening program and told the person on OD they didn’t need to stay. Every once in a while, Regulus would look up from his book to see all the boys playing cards and getting along.

A few hours after putting the boys to bed James and Sirius returned. Regulus pretended to be asleep. “Do you think he’ll ever not hate me?” Sirius whispered.
“He doesn’t hate you.” James whispered back.
“He has a funny way of showing it.”
“I think he’s just hurt. Whether or not he realizes it, it’s not you he is upset with.”
“I left him there, of course, it’s me he’s upset with.”
“Sirius, it’s not your fault. You had to leave, if you didn’t I would’ve come and gotten you myself.”
“I don’t want him to go back.”
“Neither do I.”
“But he doesn’t listen to me. He could leave, with the inheritance he got he could put himself through university and it would barely make a dent. He’s set for life, and they can’t legally take that money away from him. Why doesn’t he just leave?”
“I don’t think he sees it as black and white like we do.”
“Idiot.”
“We just have to be patient and understanding. We have to let him come to us, and we will help in any way he lets us. If we push it, we push him away.”
“Ya.”

The cabin was silent for a moment before Sirius whispered “Prongs?”
“Ya.”
“Can I sleep here with you tonight?”
“Of course.”

Regulus wiped the tears from his face as he listened to James and Sirius talk about anything and everything until the sun began to rise.

Thank you for reading. Sorry I disappeared for a few months, the ao3 author curse is real. First, my grandpa was in the hospital (he's okay now), and then I got into a car accident (it wasn't my fault I had the right of way) thankfully everyone involved was okay. After that, I fell into a big writing slump and I had exams so I was a little preoccupied. But.... This summer I should have more time to write so hopefully I can update a lot more because I love this fic so much. Thank you again to everyone who has read, left kudos and comments, it really does make my day. Also sorry if this chapter was all over the place, I wrote half of it 2 months ago and the other half this week.

Chapter Text

TW
eating disorder (disordered thoughts)
Mentions of a Toxic Relationship (it is in the past and doesn't go into detail but it hints at sexual assault and rape)

Monday

When James’ alarm went off Sirius made the most dramatic groan Regulus had ever heard. In response, James laughed, Regulus watched as he wrapped his arms around Sirius and softly said “Good morning to you too Padfoot.”. Sirius buried his head in James’ chest and said “It’s too early for this.”
“Too early huh?” James laughed.

Regulus watched from under his covers as Jake walked up to James' bed, tilted his head and asked “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.” James replied as Sirius wrapped his arms around James’ neck.
“Are you two boyfriends?”
“Us?” James asked in surprise.
“Yes.”
“No, why?” James replied, completely serious; Regulus had to laugh. “What?” James asked with a smile on his face. “I just think it’s funny how oblivious you are to the fact that it looks like you are in a loving relationship with my brother.”
“We are in a loving relationship.” Sirius laughed.

Jake once again tilted his head in confusion and said “But you just said-”
“We’re not dating, Sirius and I are just very affectionate.” James declared, as if it cleared everything up, but it only left Jake more confused. Regulus laughed to himself as he looked around the cabin and saw that all the boys looked quite confused. James on the other hand, didn’t seem to notice as he pushed Siriuus off the bed and said “Okay everybody up, we have to go.”
“Ouch!” Sirius complained from the floor.
“I told you to get up.” James laughed as he helped Sirius up.

Regulus didn’t move. “Are you going to shove him off the bed too?” Sirius complained as James walked over to Regulus. “It depends, are you going to get up Regulus?” James asked.
“I don’t want to.” Regulus complained, partially because it was true, but another part of him wanted to see what James would do. James was always very gentle with Regulus, in a way that he never was with Sirius. James and Sirius were always tackling each other to the ground or pushing the other over. It seemed to be their love language. With Regulus, James was soft; and Regulus hadn’t realized until that moment just how much James saw both Regulus and Sirius as their own person. He had a different relationship with both of them, which felt so rare.

James smiled as he sat down on Regulus’ bed and said “We can’t go without you.”
“I don’t want to move.” Regulus complained.
“Then what are we going to do?” James asked with a smile. Right as Regulus was about to respond Regulus felt someone grab his ankle. Before he could register what had happened, he was on the ground.

“Problem solved.” Sirius declared as Regulus slowly sat up.
“Ouch!” Regulus complained to Sirus.
“Tough love my dear brother.” Sirius smiled down at him. Next to him, Leo extended out a small hand to help Reglus up. Regulus rolled his eyes at Sirius as he laughed at him.

************

James, Regulus and Sirius walked towards the dining hall in silence. Regulus thought about James and Sirius’ conversation from the previous night. He knew that James and Sirius talked about him when he wasn’t around, but he’d assumed it was about how difficult he was. He’d guessed that it consisted of them hating Regulus, he never once thought they would talk about how worried about him they were. In a way, it was sweet, which was probably why Regulus didn’t like it. He told them he didn’t want to go to the Potter’s after camp, and clearly, they don’t take no for an answer. He said no, the rest of it wasn’t their business.

“Hey Oliver, you were in Snape’s cabin right?” Sirius shouted to Oliver and the other boys who were a bit ahead of them. Oliver looked nervous as he said, “Yes, I was.”
“Out of the three of us, who does Snape hate the most?” Sirius laughed. Regulus rolled his eyes. Oliver looked to Jake and Jacob who joined Oliver in his nervous feeling. “You can tell us, we won’t be upset.” Sirius added.
“Leave him alone Sirius.” Regulus said.
“What, you don’t want to know where you fall on Snape’s ranking?” Sirius joked.
“Not really.” Regulus replied.
“Well, I do.” Sirius crossed his arms and then looked to Oliver for an answer.
“I don’t know.” Oliver said.
“Who does he talk about the most?” Sirius tried.
“Ummm.” Oliver looked anxious.
“Sirius leave him alone. If you really want to know where you fall in Snape’s ranking go ask him, but don’t make it the eight-year-old’s problem.” Regulus snapped.
“Someone’s in a mood today.” Sirius complained.
“Ya probably because you’re here.” Regulus retorted.
“Hey!” James said, getting in between the two brothers “You two can argue all you want, just don’t do it in front of the boys.”. Regulus wanted to argue, but James did have a point. Sirius gave James a look that said ‘Regulus started it’ and Regulus just rolled his eyes.
At breakfast, Dr.Pomfrey put more food than usual on Regulus’ plate, and had the audacity to be completely unphased by the look Regulus gave her. “This is too much.” Regulus argued.
“You barely ate anything over the weekend.”
“That’s not true.”
“On Saturday you only showed up for one meal.”
“I was asleep, and James didn’t wake me up, so really, that’s his fault.” at the mention of his name, James looked up. He looked like he felt bad about not waking Regulus up, which only made Regulus feel worse, because none of this was James’ fault. “Dr.Pomfrey I’m sorry. He seemed really tired and-.”
“It’s okay James.” Dr.Pomfrey saved James from the spiral he was about to go down. “You’re awake now Regulus, so eat.”.

Regulus was quiet as he moved the food around his plate. He could feel Dr.Pomfrey’s eyes on him. She probably resented him for making her do this. Regulus was sure that she would much rather be at a table eating with her friends instead of stuck babysitting Regulus. He felt bad for ruining her summer, but that guilt wasn’t enough to make him eat.

“Just take it one bite at a time.” Dr.Pomfrey said unhelpfully.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” Regulus declared as he started to get up. Dr.Pomfrey looked like she didn’t believe him, but she wasn’t the type of person to not let teenagers use the bathroom. That was one thing about high school that Regulus wouldn’t miss. “I’ll go with you.” Dr.Pomfrey said.
“I can go on my own.”
“I’m not going to go in with you, I’m just going to stand at the door.”
“I don't need you to do that.”
“Do you want James to go with you instead?” James looked up once again at the mention of his name. “I can go to the bathroom alone.”
“It’s me or James.” Dr.Pomfrey said.

Regulus wanted to argue, but he had a feeling this was the best offer he was going to get. “Fine.” Regulus said, and started to walk towards the bathroom. As they walked James tried to comfort Regulus “You’re doing so great.”
“James.”
“Yes.”
“Shut up.”
“Right.” James said with a nod. Regulus didn't care that James was trying to be helpful, he didn’t want to talk about it.

Regulus sat in the bathroom stall for a few minutes looking down at his stomach. Then to his hips, he could see the bones poking out, but he still hated his body. This was the thing people didn’t understand about eating disorders, it wasn’t all about weight. It didn’t really matter what he looked like, after all, he didn’t even know what he looked like. Regulus was convinced he looked completely different every day. He would look at pictures of himself from days ago and wish he looked like that. It’s not like he had a weight goal, he knew there was no point, it would just change to a lower number the second he got to that goal. He felt if he wasn’t hungry, he was doing something wrong. It was a different kind of pain, letting his body die from the inside out, knowing that at the end of the day, all of this was his fault.

Regulus got up and flushed the toilet so James wouldn’t be suspicious. Back at the table, Dr.Pomfrey kept trying to get him to eat, and this time there was no escape. He was stuck there until he ate because Dr.Pomfrey was many things, but a quitter wasn’t one of them.

Regulus and James were walking back in silence when, without even looking, Regulus sensed Siruis behind him. “Sirius go away.”
“I have a proposition for you.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Sirius ignored Regulus and continued on
“You should audition for Moony’s play.” Regulus laughed
“No.”
“Please, Moony worked so hard writing the script, and I’m directing it.”
“Still no.”
“Prongs is auditioning.”
“Oh, okay yeah I’ll do it.” Regulus said.
“Really?” James asked
“No.”
“Pleaseeee.” Sirius begged.
“No.”
“How about this, we make a bet. If you lose the bet then you have to audition for the play.”
“What do I get if I win the bet?” Regulus asked, just to entertain the idea.
“Umm” Sirius thought for a moment “I will leave you alone for a week. I won’t try and convince you to leave our terrible parents. Also, I will only talk to you if you come to me first.” Sirius suggested.
“What’s the bet?” Regulus asked.
“Really? You were supposed to say: no Sirius I would never want that I love being around you.”
“What’s the bet?” Regulus asked again.
“Well, since you’re being a prat. I bet you can’t go the rest of the day without visibly or verbally being annoyed with me.”
“Deal.” Regulus said. He could ignore Sirius for a day.
“Okay, let’s shake on it.” Sirius said. Regulus went to shake Sirius’ hand, but right before their hands touched, Sirius brought his back and licked it. He then gripped Regulus’ hand so he couldn’t let go.

Just before Regulus could tell Sirius how annoying he was, he caught himself. James must’ve seen this in his face because he started hysterically laughing. “Sirius, it has been nice seeing you, but I think we should part ways.” Regulus said in the kindest tone he could muster. James put his hand on Regulus’ shoulder as he hunched over laughing.

Back at the cabin, the boys started getting ready for their first activity, which to Regulus’ delight, was nowhere near Sirius.

*************

The morning activities were blissfully free of Sirius, which meant Regulus was one step closer to winning the bet. Lunch was nearly over when Sirius made his appearance.

Andrew was telling Regulus about how the camp was on a cloud in his dream when Sirius sat down and messed up Regulus’ hair. “Sirius, please stop.” Regulus said kindly. “What if I don’t want to?”
“I’ll cut your hair in your sleep.” Regulus stated with a smile.

Regulus knew the second Sirius got the idea. He made the face he always made, right before he was about to get himself into a whole lot of trouble with their mother. He would look at something and then this smirk would appear on his face. A light would shine in his eyes. It was never good news when Sirius made this look.

Sirius looked at the pitcher of water sitting on the table. Before Regulus could react, Sirius had grabbed the pitcher and poured it over Regulus’ head.“Sirius! Why can’t you just ever leave me alone?!” Regulus yelled as he got up and shoved Sirius. Regulus continued to yell at Sirius while Siriuis stood there laughing. “I won. You have to audition for the play.” Regulus could hear the sound of James’ as well as many of their camper’s laugh as he shoved Sirius once again.

“You can’t do that.” Regulus complained.
“The bet was about whether or not you get annoyed with me, I never said I couldn’t,” Sirius paused “encourage you to be annoyed with me.”
“Well-” Regulus paused “it was implied.”
“Was it? I must’ve missed that. You’re auditioning for William.”
“I’m not.” Regulus argued.
“You have to. If you don’t, I will pay you a special visit every meal for the rest of the summer.”.

Regulus went to grab the pitcher of water on the table beside theirs, but before he could, Sirius grabbed his wrists. “No no no, the bet wasn’t to annoy me.”
“Let me go Sirius.”
“Will you be at the audition?”
“No.”
“Then I’m not letting you go.”

Regulus tried to wiggle free from Sirius’ grip, but Sirius was determined to hold on. Regulus tried to back up to get out of Sirius’ grip when he bumped into someone. He turned around to see James who held his hand out to steady Regulus. “Pads he’s shivering, you made your point. Let him go now.”
“I will when he says he’ll be at the audition.”
“He will.” James said
“No, I won’t.” Regulus argued as he continued fighting to get out of Sirius’ grip.
“Regulus, come on let’s get you dried off.” James suggested as he brushed Regulus’ hair out of his face.

James wasn’t lying when he said Regulus was shivering. Regulus was cold. He was always cold, that was one of the many things that happened as a result of not eating. Regulus was cold before Sirius dumped an ice-cold pitcher of cold water on him. “Fine, but it’s going to be a shit audition.” Regulus said to Sirius.

Regulus was leaning back to try and get out of Sirius’ grip when Sirius let go. There wasn’t enough time for Regulus to steady himself before he fell into James. James let out a soft laugh as he steadied Regulus.

Once Regulus was securely on his feet, James let go. “What do you want me to do with that?” Regulus asked as James held his sweater out to him.
“You look cold.”
“I’m not wearing that.” Regulus argued.
“Why not?”
“James, I’m not wearing a Lightning McQueen sweater.”
“Why not?” James asked again.
“I’ll never live it down.”
“Sure you will.” James said as he forcefully put the sweater on Regulus.

When Regulus tried to take the sweater off James grabbed his wrists just as Sirius had done. “No, not again.” Regulus complained as he tried and failed to pull his arms away. “You can change back at the cabin.” James said as he wrapped Regulus in a hug. “Stop being so nice Potter, it takes the fun out of making him miserable.” Sirius complained. “But that’s what I do.” James said as he rested his chin on Regulus’ shoulder. Just to annoy Sirius, Regulus leaned his head against James’. “No no no!” Sirius said as he broke the two apart, “I don’t like this” Sirius complained.

“Why not.” James asked, he suddenly looked upset.
“It’s weird when you two get along.” Sirius complained.
“No it’s not.” James argued.
“It is, you’re too different.”
“Opposites attract.” James smiled.
“I hate you both.” Sirius said before he walked away dramatically.

On the walk back to the cabin all Regulus could think about was Sirius’ disapproval of James and Regulus. It was no secret that Sirius cared for James. People never saw one without the other. They were quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter.

If Sirius didn’t like James and Regulus getting along then it was because Regulus couldn’t be worthy of someone Sirius held in such high regard. He probably viewed Regulus as some disease, something that only ever hurt people. Something that sucked the life and happiness out of anyone it got close to. Rightly so, he probably thought James was too special. Sirius couldn’t lose James to the sickness that is Regulus Black; and the worst part was that he couldn’t blame Sirius, he was right after all.

“-okay?” Regulus heard Leo finish. When he looked down at Leo, it was clear he was expecting an answer from Regulus. “Sorry, what did you say?”
“I asked if you were okay.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus lied. The lie came out easily, after all, he had quite a lot of practice with that question. Regulus looked down to hide the tears he was holding back. “Regulus?” James said, his voice filled with concern.
“I’m fine James.” Regulus said with a little more force, but he couldn’t stop the tear that rolled down his face. “Regulus.” James said again, but at this point, they were at the cabin, which allowed Regulus to say “I’m going to change into some dry clothes.” before grabbing clothes and practically running to the bathroom.

As Regulus was putting on a dry binder James knocked on the door “Regulus, can you let me in please.”
“Don't come in!” Regulus panicked, they both knew how easy it would be for James to force the door open despite the cheap lock Dumbledore was probably forced to put in. “Regulus, I’m not going to force my way in, but I want to talk to you.”
“You don’t get what you want just because you listened when I said not to come in.” Regulus said as he wiped the ongoing fountain of tears away. He knew too many people that would expect exactly that, it was if their respecting one boundary gave them the permission to do whatever they wanted. “I didn’t say that, I’m worried about you and I want to help is all.”
“I don’t want your help.”
“I’m not going to leave you alone like this, let’s talk about it. We can talk about why you’re upset and then we can talk to Sirius about why you’re upset.”
“Absolutely not.”
“Regulus, I think he was just trying to be funny; but clearly you didn’t find it funny and if you let him know how upset you are, I’m sure he’ll understand and not do it again.”

At this, Regulus actually laughed. It was funny how wrong James could be sometimes. Regulus wished his life was as simple as him being upset about water being dumped on him and not his complicated relationship with his brother.

“Regulus?” James questioned, clearly confused by Regulus’ sudden change in mood. “Just leave me alone and let me change.”
“But- I feel like- maybe this is something we need to talk about more.”
“It’s not.” Regulus said in a tone that let James know the conversation was over.

***********

When they got to the tennis court for their last activity of the day Barty and Peter were already there with their cabin. James’ face lit up as he said “I forgot we have this period with Peter!” and then proceeded to run right into Peter’s arms. Regulus rolled his eyes as he followed James.

Regulus and James’ kids all ran around pretending their tennis rackets were guitars while Peter and Barty’s kids actually started to play tennis. Barty took one look at Regulus and asked “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Regulus lied.
“Did Potter do something?” Barty asked.
“Why is your first thought I did something.” James laughed.
“He didn’t do anything.” Regulus said.
“In my defence, the first week was filled with stories about Regulus throwing plates at you so…” James laughed once again.
“It was one plate, and that was one time.” Regulus argued.
“You’re right, I actually haven’t heard you complain about Potter in a while.” Barty gasped dramatically “Are you two friends now?!”
“Shut up.” Regulus said, but didn’t deny it.
“Seriously though, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”

Instead of arguing Barty wrapped his arms around Regulus’ head and said “Then I guess I’ll just have to comfort you with no idea why.”. Regulus tried to force his way out of Barty’s arms, but Barty wouldn’t let him. “Let go.” Regulus complained.
“Oh my poor Regulus, it’ll be okay.” Barty said as he continued to hug him.
“You’re so annoying.” Regulus complained as he tried to shove Barty away.

When Barty finally let him go, it was only so he could grab his face to say “I’m not going to stop this unless you tell me what’s wrong.”.
“Nothing is wrong.” Regulus repeated. At this, Barty started to mess up his hair. “Stop.” Regulus said as he pushed Barty away, but at this point, he was visibly upset.

This was when Leo appeared and asked “Are you Regulus’ friend?” Barty looked down at Leo and answered “Yes.”
“He’s my counsellor.” Leo pointed out.
“I see that.” Barty laughed.
“You have to be nice to him.”
“I am being nice to him. Regulus is just very grumpy.” Regulus was about to protest when both James and Leo started laughing. “That’s why you have to be extra nice.” Leo laughed. “Is that what Potter does?” Barty asked.
“Yes.” Leo said confidently.
“And then I'm sure Regulus, the stubborn prat he is, doesn’t talk about what’s bothering him. Sometimes you have to force it out. Right Regulus?” Barty said as he put his arm on Regulus’ shoulder. “Piss off Crouch.” Regulus said as he shoved Barty away
“I’ll get him talking eventually, you go be with your friends.” Barty said to Leo.

Once Leo was gone Peter sympathized “He does this to me too now..”
“I’m sorry you got stuck with him all summer.” Regulus joked.
“The two of you just prefer to be coddled by Potter, sometimes what you need is some tough love.”
“We don’t want your tough love.” Regulus said.
“Sure you do, but we’ll talk about it later; or I’ll just send Pandora on you, that girl can get anything out of you.” Barty said as he messed up Regulus’ hair. James laughed at this and said, “She needs to teach me her ways, maybe they work on Sirius too.”
“Stop being nice to them.” Barty said.
“Stop talking about me like I’m not here.” Regulus complained. James and Barty ignored Regulus as they continued on.

Barty had decided the best way he could comfort Regulus was to sit on his lap. As the period went on, Regulus realized that Barty and Peter actually had become friends in the past month. They talked to each other like old friends. They would lovingly make fun of one another while laughing with Regulus and James. By the end of the period, Regulus was feeling a bit better.

************

After leaving the boys with the OD James and Regulus went to the weekly Monday meeting where Dumbledore ‘talked about the important upcoming events’, but it was really just Dumbledore listening to himself talk.

When Regulus sat down next to Pandora the first thing she said was “Barty’s worried about you, what’s wrong?”
“Crouch can’t mind his own business is what’s wrong.” Regulus responded.
“What else is wrong?” Pandora asked.
“Well,” Regulus started as Pandora listened patiently “There’s this one girl that is always on my case. She seems to always know when something is wrong, and she makes it her mission to get it out of me. Which is really annoying because I don’t want to talk about it. I also wonder how she has time to worry about her own problems when she spends all this time worrying about me.” Regulus joked. Pandora rolled her eyes as she gently pushed Regulus’ head away. “She would probably have more time to worry about her problems if you told her what was bothering you right away instead of refusing to talk.” Pandora joked back, Regulus couldn’t help but laugh. Not many people knew it, but Pandora could be just as sarcastic and witty as Regulus.

“Thank you for coming everyone.” Dumbledore interrupted.
“Like we had a choice.” Evan whispered; Regulus and Pandora let out a small laugh. “You all should know this by now, but just in case you forgot, the day off sheet will be here to fill out. This week appears to be quieter so you are welcome to take any day unless your co-counsellor or other staff from your activity have taken that day.”

Regulus spent the next 20 minutes staring at Sirius and not at all listening to Dumbledore. He watched as Sirius ran his hands through Remus’ hair. Lupin was not at all opposed to this, and seemed to let Sirius do whatever he wanted. Every couple minutes Sirius would lean forward and whisper something into Remus’ ear. Remus would either laugh or roll his eyes, which Regulus figured meant Sirius was either saying something that was so dumb it was funny, or that he was just being dumb.

Out of nowhere, Remus and Sirius both perked up. At first, Regulus couldn’t figure out what had caught their attention, until he heard Dumbledore say something about auditions. “-auditions will be held in the theatre tomorrow night after the evening program. Sirius Black and Remus Lupin will be the ones assigning roles, so please nobody come complain to me if you don’t get the role you want. The play will be next Sunday and I have been told to remind you that this will be a big time commitment so don’t audition if you won’t show up to the rehearsal.”

Regulus glared at Sirius across the room. He already had so much going on, and he just knew that Sirius was going to make the next two weeks a living hell. When Sirius noticed Regulus he just laughed and dramatically blew Regulus a kiss. “I hate him.” Regulus whispered. “He seems pretty fond of you.” Pandora whispered back as Sirius continued to dramatically blow kisses to Regulus.

Regulus tuned out Dumbledore for the rest of the meeting until everyone got up and began to walk towards the day of form. Regulus looked to Pandora who said, “We can go to my cottage any day.” Just as Regulus was about to suggest a weekday as everything would be less busy Sirius and James came running over. “Remember Reggie, you can’t take tomorrow night off.”
“You can’t stop me.”
“If you take tomorrow off I’m assigning you a role anyway, and I’ll make sure it’s something you hate.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“What day do you want Regulus?” James asked, and Regulus had a theory it was because he sensed the beginnings of a fight. Regulus looked to Pandora and Evan “Thursday?” they both nodded in agreement.
“Okay, I'll take Saturday if you’re okay with that.”
“I’m not okay with that.” Regulus joked.
“Aww, I’m going to miss you too.” James said with a smile. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Let’s go find Barty and Dorcas to tell them.” Regulus said
“I’m going back to the cabin.” Evan said in response and left before anyone could ask him what was wrong. “What’s up with him?” Regulus asked Pandora.
“I think he and Barty are fighting. Neither of them will talk about it though.”
“Sounds like someone we know.” James commented.
“Shut up James.” Regulus replied as he grabbed Pandora’s wrist and pulled her out of the dining hall.

Pandora and Regulus spent the next few hours mindlessly walking around camp and talking about everything and nothing all at the same time. Pandora tried to ask Regulus what was bothering him a few times, but when Regulus changed the subject Pandora didn’t push.

It was 2 am when Regulus got back to the cabin and went to bed.

Tuesday

Regulus’ day had been going perfectly fine, that was until the auditions for the play came around. After leaving the boys with the OD James and Regulus headed towards the theatre.

“Are you excited?” James broke the silence.
“No.”
“Don’t be so negative, maybe you will do this play and find out that acting is your one true calling in life.”
“What about me makes you think acting would be my one true calling?” Regulus replied sarcastically. James started to laugh. “What?” Regulus asked, surprised.
“Nothing.”
“Clearly it’s something.”
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” James said as he tried to hold back his laughter.
“Just tell me.”
“Well- I mean- you can be a bit dramatic from time to time.” James laughed.
“I’m not dramatic, that’s Sirius!” Regulus argued.
“It’s both of you.”
“I’m not dramatic. Name one time I have been dramatic.” Regulus crossed his arms, he had guessed that James wouldn’t be able to come up with something on the spot; however, he was very wrong. “The time you threw that plate at me.” James answered.
“Fine, name another time.”
“That time you realized one of the activities we had that day was water skiing and you had to see Sirius, you were pretty dramatic then.”
“I’m not entertaining this anymore. Acting won’t be my true calling, and I’ll prove it to you with this play.” Regulus said as he walked up the steps to the theatre.
“That was pretty dramatic.” James pointed out.
“Shut up.” Regulus said as he walked into the theatre.

“You came!” Sirius’ face lit up as he ran towards Regulus and wrapped him in a hug. “You made me.” Regulus countered.
“So you do listen to me.” Sirius smiled as he continued to cling to Regulus. Regulus tried to break out of the hug but Sirius wouldn’t let him “Hug me back first.” Sirius said. Instead of hugging Sirius back, he started to mess up his hair, which got Sirius to let go.

However, this was only momentary as Sirius fixed his hair and then put Regulus into a headlock. Sirius started to run his hands through Regulus’ hair and said “Your hair is so soft Reggie.”
“Stop.” Regulus complained as Sirius continued to mess up Regulus’ hair. Regulus looked to James who was absolutely no help as he held his hands up and said “I’m not getting involved.”

Regulus tried all his old tricks such as stepping on Sirius’ toes and elbowing him in the ribs, but Sirius had plenty of practice dodging Regulus’ attacks. This went on for a few painstaking minutes until Sirius was satisfied with his work and let Regulus go.

There was no mirror nearby, but Regulus knew his hair was all frizzy and probably unsalvagable. “I hate you.” Regulus said as he tried and failed to fix his hair.
“You know, they say love and hate are actually quite similar.” Sirius replied with a smile.
“You’re so annoying.” Regulus complained as he rolled his eyes and pretended to start to walk away before Sirius grabbed his wrist. “Don’t you want to know which scene you will be auditioning with?”
“No.”
“Yes you do.” Sirius said as he put a script in Regulus’ hand. “You will be auditioning with William’s death scene.” Sirius said anyway.
“Willaim is such a basic name.” Regulus said just to complain.
“We could change his name to Sirius if you want.” Sirius suggested.
“William works.” Regulus said as he looked down at the script.

“Why the death scene? Don’t you need to know if I’d be good at the character when he’s alive?”
“I want to make sure you’re a good enough actor to do the emotional scenes.”
“Whatever.” Regulus looked to James and asked, “Who are you auditioning for?”
“Felix” James and Sirius said at the same time. Regulus looked down at the script to confirm that it was indeed Felix who was in William’s death scene.
“Great.” Regulus said, which got a laugh out of both James and Sirius.

Just then, Dorcas walked over and asked “Is Marlene here yet?” To Dorcas’ disappointment, Sirius shook his head no. “You mean you aren’t here for me?” Regulus joked. “No.” Dorcas said without hesitating.
“Awww Reg, I’m here for you.” Sirius said as he put his arm around Regulus
“Lovely.” Regulus said sarcastically.

Regulus and James ended up waiting an hour until they were allowed to audition. Sirius who was clearly starting to get bored claimed it would be a perfect idea to get James and Regulus to audition together.

“Start us off Regulus.” Sirius said. As a last-ditch effort, Regulus looked to Remus and said “Please, you don’t want me in your play.” Remus let out a small laugh and replied “Of course I do.” as Sirius held up the script
“That’s not the line Regulus.”

Regulus rolled his eyes and said “Felix, what are you doing here, you have to go.”
“I’m not leaving without you.” James said with a smile as he looked at Regulus. As James pretended to untie a rope that was supposed to be around Regulus’ hands, Regulus said “You’re an idiot for coming back.”
“You’re my best friend, I’ll be an idiot if it means saving you.” James continued on.
“Bang!” Sirius shouted, “Regulus you’ve been shot.”
“Go.” Regulus said at the same time James shouted “William!”
“I’m not leaving you. You’re my best friend, I need you.”

Regulus pretended to be in too much pain to speak “No no no! Please someone help!” James said, doing a good job of looking upset. He looked at Regulus and continued “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. It’s okay, look at me, you’re going to make it out of this. I’m not letting you die, just hold on okay? Keep fighting, I’ll get us out of here.” James said, sounding desperate.

Regulus closed his eyes and pretended to die. “No no no! William wake up! Look at me please, it’s going to be okay, I need you to be okay!”
“Anna comes in, James the bad guys are coming and you’re being dragged away.”
“No, I can’t leave him!” James shouted; Regulus could hear his voice getting further and further away.

Sirius started to clap, “That was great guys.”. Regulus wanted to argue, but James had actually done a really good job. Regulus almost believed his distress. James was so good that part of Regulus wanted to make sure he was actually okay, but he knew that was stupid; maybe acting was James’ one true calling in life. Regulus stopped worrying when James ran up to Regulus and wrapped him in a hug “That was so good.” he said with a smile.
“You were so good.” Regulus blurted out. James’ smile only grew as he said
“Aww thank you Regulus.”

“Okay okay, you two off my stage, I have more auditions to go through.” Sirius interrupted. He started to write something down in his notebook, and Regulus, being a younger sibling, went to go see what he was writing.

When Sirius figured out what Regulus was trying to do he held the notebook close to his chest and said “This is confidential, only Moony gets to see.” Regulus grabbed the notebook anyway. The one sentence on the page was ‘They have good chemistry, they got the part.’ Regulus rolled his eyes, he should’ve known not to expect anything interesting. James on the other hand, looked at the notebook and smiled.

It was dark when Regulus and James left the theatre. “I don’t want to go back to the cabin yet, let’s do something.” James said with a mischievous smile.
“No.”
“C’mon, it’ll be fun.”
“Whatever it is that you and my brother get up to at night is not my idea of fun.”
“We’re not going to do what Sirius and I do.” James said as he grabbed Regulus’ hand and started running. “James! Where are you taking me?!”
“You’ll see.” James laughed as they ran past the dining hall. When they passed Arts and Crafts, Regulus was beginning to get tired, James must have sensed this as he went from a sprint to a light jog. “Whatever you’re thinking, I’m sure it’s a bad idea.”
“You know me too well.” James laughed as he continued to run.
“James! Where are we going?!” Regulus asked as James continued to drag him along.

Out of nowhere, Regulus felt panicked. It struck him that he was being dragged farther and farther away from everything. Farther from the cabins, farther from the dining hall, farther from the theatre where Sirius was. He had no idea where James was taking him, and the part of him that had only ever been used, didn’t like that. Without even planning to do it Regulus grabbed onto a nearby tree and planted his feet on the ground.

James, who clearly wasn’t expecting Regulus’ sudden resistance, fell forward. He was laughing as he got up, that was until he saw the look that must’ve been plastered on Regulus’ face. “Regulus what’s wrong?” James went from happy to worried in a second. Regulus couldn’t speak, he couldn’t breathe. “Hey, it’s okay, we don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to. Let’s sit down and catch our breath okay?” James said as he sat down. It was clear on his face he wanted to help Regulus to the ground but made a conscious effort to not touch him.

Regulus followed James’ lead and sat down as he struggled to breathe. “Regulus, you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I promise.”

Regulus covered his face with his hands. He hated that he was freaking out, like this. It was James. James who would take all the bugs they found in the cabin outside instead of killing them. James who would sit next to the kids’ beds and tell them stories when they were missing home and couldn’t sleep. James who loved like his life depended on it.

As much as Regulus tried to rationalize this, he couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t talk. He felt like he was going to throw up. He couldn’t stop fucking crying. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to-” James paused, it was clear he had no idea why Regulus was freaking out “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I wanted us to have fun, but clearly, you aren’t having fun. I’m sorry.” Regulus wiped tears from his eyes only for more to fall down his face.

Moments of him flashed through Regulus' mind. How he took Regulus places he knew nobody would find them. How he took anything and everything he wanted without any regard for Regulus. How his mother didn’t just let it happen, she encouraged it.

Regulus moved his arms away from his face and threw up. “Okay, get it all out. It’s okay.” James said as he tried to be comforting, but it wasn’t okay.
“N-no” Regulus choked out.
“I know. I know it feels like you’re dying. Like the world is slowly getting smaller and smaller, suffocating you. It feels like this isn’t going to end, but it will. I need you to take a few deep breaths with me okay?”
“I can’t.” Regulus cried.
“Just do your best.” James took an exaggerated breath in but Regulus couldn’t follow. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t stop this feeling. He felt so out of control, and that only made him more freaked out.

James didn’t give up, he continued to take exaggerated breaths, but it wasn’t working. Regulus wasn’t calming down. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t follow James' lead. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t. James went on like this for another few minutes, which was when Sirius came running over.

“Regulus what’s wrong?” Sirius asked, but he seemed to know that he wasn’t going to get an answer. Sirius was all sweaty and his hair was all messy from running. “You look like shit.” Regulus choked out. Sirius started to laugh as he wrapped his arms around Regulus. “You don’t look so good either.” Part of Regulus’ brain told him to pull away. To fight to get out of Sirius’ arms. The other part, often the quieter part, told him not to fight it. To lean into Sirius and let him hold him. Regulus listened and wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck as he cried.

Sirius ran his hands through Regulus’ hair as he whispered “You’re safe now.” Over and over into Regulus’ ear. Slowly, Regulus caught his breath. His tears became few and far between until he was no longer crying. Regulus rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder as Sirius asked “Do you want to talk about?”
“No.”
“Really? You don’t want to talk about something that’s bothering you?” Sirius said sarcastically. James let out a small laugh, and in response, Regulus did too.

“C’mon, why don’t you come back to my cabin for a bit? We can talk about everything but this, and you and I can bicker the whole time.” The louder voice, the one Regulus usually listened to said no, but it sounded so nice, Regulus didn’t want to listen to that voice. He looked at Sirius and nodded. If Sirius was surprised, he didn’t show it. He just stood up and started walking.

Regulus and James scrambled to get up and followed Sirius to his cabin. Inside the cabin, Remus was sitting on his bed reading The Picture of Dorian Gray. “Moony!” James said with a smile as he flopped down right on top of Remus. In response, Remus hit James in the head with his book.

Regulus looked around, it wasn’t often that he was in Sirius’ cabin. The last time he was there it was the first week of camp. The cabin had gotten a lot messier since then. It was as if on the first week Remus and Sirius pledged to keep the cabin clean and then gave up on that two weeks into the summer. Regulus was thinking about how he couldn’t even see the floor with all the clothes when Sirius said “I know, our mother would have a fit.” Regulus laughed and replied with
“Then good thing she’s not here.” which was something Sirius often used to say when they were little and he was doing something that would get him into trouble. Sirius laughed as he wrapped his arms around Regulus, and Regulus let him.

Sirius kept his arms around Regulus as he led him to Remus’ bed. Remus and James, who were still on the bed, moved over to make room. Sirius pushed Regulus down onto the bed “Don’t move.” Sirius said to Regulus as he let go. Regulus didn’t move, instead, he watched him as he opened his computer which had at least five new Bowie stickers on it. Sirius pressed a few buttons on his computer until Regulus heard an all too familiar introduction to the Dead Poets Society. Regulus smiled as he leaned against the wall, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus do the same.

As they watched the movie, Regulus got more and more tired. It was about three-quarters of the way through the movie when Regulus could no longer keep his eyes open and fell asleep on Sirius’ shoulder.

Chapter Text

TW
Eating Disorder (Regulus not wanting to eat but that happens a lot in this fic)
SA by a family member (it is in the past and it is only a brief mention but it's there so...)
Abusive relationship (it is also in the past and quite a brief mention but it is a lot of the reason reacts the way he does to certain things)

Wednesday

When James’ alarm went off Regulus immediately sat up. At first, he didn’t know where he was. He remembered falling asleep in Sirius’ cabin, but he wasn’t in Sirius’ cabin. As he looked around he saw his campers slowly sit up in their respective beds, he realized he was back in his cabin. Beside him was Sirius, who was not happy about being woken up. He groaned as Regulus stopped him from pulling the covers over his head.

Slowly, James walked over to the pair of them. “Rise and shine you two.” James said with too much energy for 7 in the morning. “Piss off.” Sirius complained as he pulled the covers away from Regulus and over his head. “We’ve got to go to breakfast.” James argued. In response, Regulus laid back down and hid under the covers with Sirius. “Start walking, we’ll catch up.” Sirius said, but it was clear he had no intention of leaving Regulus’ bed any time soon.

In all honesty, Regulus would’ve been happy to lay in bed all day too. He had a terrible migraine, which he knew was coming because the past few days had been close to painless, and that was just too good to be true in the world of Regulus Black. On top of that, he had fallen asleep in his binder, and he was feeling the effects that came with wearing a binder for 24 hours straight.

“I don’t trust you two.” James laughed as he pulled back the covers. Regulus’ face must’ve given away how he felt because the second James looked at him he put the covers back “We’ll start walking.”. While James was trying to round up all the boys Sirius was giving Regulus a look that meant he was most definitely going to be forced to talk about what was wrong.

The second the cabin was empty Sirius asked “What’s wrong?”
“My head hurts.” Regulus said, it wasn’t technically a lie.
“What else is wrong?”
“My head.”
“Regulus”
“Sirius”
“Talk to me.”
“I am talking to you.”. Sirius rolled his eyes
“Since you’re going to be impossible and not tell me what’s wrong I’ll just have to guess.” Sirius got up and started looking through Regulus’ stuff, “If you’re wondering how you got back in your bed: you fell asleep during Dead Poets Society and I carried you back he-”
“What are you doing?” Regulus asked, a little annoyed that Siriuus was just going through his stuff. “Looking for Advil. Where do you put your Advil?” Regulus pointed to a shelf beside Sirius’ head, where the Advil was sitting in plain sight. Sirius tossed Regulus the bottle as he grabbed Regulus’ empty water bottle and headed towards the bathroom. “If you’re upset about last night,” Sirius paused then continued a few seconds later “James would never have hurt you if that’s what you were worried about, but I can talk to him if you want.”
“Talk to him about what?” Regulus asked as Sirius turned on the tap.
“Well, I’m guessing that you freaked out because you were alone with him and had no idea where you were going. He told me he was taking you to the point to go sailing,” Sirius turned off the tap “but the point isn’t near any other part of camp. The point is somewhere where nobody can hear you.” Sirius said because he knew Regulus too well.

They both knew what Sirius was referring to. Aubry. Aubrey was one of the many things he didn’t let himself think about. He would much rather pretend he never existed. Pretend that he had never been in any romantic relationship. Pretend that Aubrey never hurt him. Never took anything from him. Never forced him into anything. Never touched him.

“Aubrey has nothing to do with this, I haven’t seen him in over a year.” Regulus said as he took the water from Sirius and put it on his side table. Sirius looked confused “That was for the Advil.”
“I already took the Advil.”
“Without water?”
“Yes.”
“Regulus! How many times do I have to tell you that’s not good? You could scratch your throat,” Sirius paused and scratched his head “I think, I don’t know I just know it’s bad and you aren’t supposed to do it.”
“Too late now.” Regulus said as he rolled over and faced the wall.

There was a long pause before Sirius asked“What happened last night? If it wasn’t Aubrey then what was it?” It was clear he didn’t fully believe Regulus, which was fair because Regulus was in fact lying. “Nothing.” Regulus lied again, he hated how it felt like Sirius could read his mind.
“It wasn’t nothing.” Sirius said as he ran his hand through Regulus’ hair to mess it up.
“Stop.” Regulus complained
“Tell me what’s bothering you.”
“My head.”

Sirius went quiet for a minute. At first, Regulus thought it was because he was tired of going in circles, but then he felt Sirius climb on top of him and start giving Regulus exaggerated kisses on his head. “Mwha feel better Regulus. Mwha I love you Regulus. Mwha you’re my favourite Regulus.”
“Stop.” Regulus complained as he tried and failed to hide from Sirius under the covers.

Regulus spent the next few minutes trying and failing to ignore Sirius. He was close to strangling Sirius when Dr.Pomfrey walked in with 2 plates of food. “Good morning boys.” Dr.Pomfrey announced
“Morning.” Sirius said with a smile
“Good morning.” Regulus said, less enthusiastic.
“I brought you both breakfast.” Dr.Pomfrey declared as she sat down next to Sirius.
“You spoil me.” Sirius stated and got up off of Regulus and took a plate from Dr.Pomfrey.

Regulus had really been hoping he could skip breakfast, but as Dr.Pomfrey gave him that all too familiar stair, he knew that wasn’t happening. “How are you feeling Regulus?” Dr.Pomfrey asked as she put the spare plate of food in front of Regulus.
“Fine.” Regulus lied.
“Then it’s pretty weird that you didn’t show up at the dining hall this morning huh?” Dr.Pomfrey commented. “Ya, weird.” Regulus agreed, he refused to give in that easily.
“He was upset about something last night but he won’t talk about it. I’m assuming whatever it was it’s still bothering him.” Sirius said, the traitor.
“Is that true?” Dr.Pomfrey asked.
“No, I don’t know what Sirius is talking about.”
“My theory is that he likes it when he knows what is happening, and last night he didn’t. He’s annoying like that; one time for his birthday I was going to surprise him by taking him to a bookstore, because he’s a nerd, and he completely flipped out on me.” Sirius announced.

“Was this during the play auditions?” Dr.Pomfrey asked
“No, it was after.”
“What happened after?”
“He was with James. James wanted to go to the point with Regulus, but I think it was supposed to be a surprise, and like I said, he doesn’t like surprises.” Sirius announced as he took another bite of his muffin. Dr.Pomfrey looked to Regulus “Start eating Regulus. Then why don’t we talk more about what happened last night.”
“Nothing happened last night, but why don’t I tell you all about everything wrong with Sirius since he’s so eager to do it to me.” Regulus said as he took a reluctant bite of his own muffin. “I’m just trying to help.” Sirius argued.
“Ya, well I want to help you too. I’m worried about how you go to crazy measures to make sure the older women in your life actually like you because our mother never did.” Regulus spat. “Well, I’m worried about how you let our family walk all over you and don’t express a single opinion because you’re worried it’s the wrong one; you’re worried you’re wrong.” Sirius retorted
“Okay, boys let's calm down.” Dr.Pomfrey tried
“Fuck you!” Regulus yelled.
“Fuck you!” Sirius yelled back.
“Enough!” Dr.Pomfrey yelled “There are things that are always going to hurt, I wish that wasn't true or that I could take that away but I can’t. There are going to be parts of you that only the other understands, don’t let that turn you against each other. You’re both very kind and loving kids; show that kindness and love to each other. Care for one another, because it means so much to feel that kind of love from someone who understands. You’re on the same team.”

Regulus and Sirius were both silent. They stared at each other, they both knew Dr.Pomfrey was right, but it was clear neither of them wanted to admit it. They had spent so much of their childhood being pitted against each other, that fighting was like second nature to them. Survival in the Noble House of Black was a lot like running from a bear, you were safe as long as you ran faster than the person next to you. Maybe that was why Sirius left, maybe he was tired of running.

“I’m sorry Regulus.” Sirius forced out and then looked to Regulus expectantly. When Regulus didn’t say anything Sirius said “You’re supposed to apologize back.”
“But I don’t want to.” Regulus said to be stubborn.
“Fine, then I take my apology back.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I just did.”

Just as Regulus was about to argue Dr.Pomfrey interrupted again “What did I just say?”. Both Regulus and Sirius looked guiltily down at their hands “Regulus eat.”

When James got back with the boys he was holding a piece of paper. At first, Regulus assumed it was the schedule, but realized it must have been something else by the way Sirius’ face lit up. “Moony put it up!” Sirius cheered as he went to get the paper from James. Sirius’ smile only grew as he handed Regulus the paper.

Regulus looked down to see that it was the cast list. Sirius had made Regulus William and James Felix. Regulus skimmed the rest of the page: Marlene was Avery, Dorcas was Sam, Peter was Taylor and the list went on. “Did Evan volunteer for this?” Regulus asked when he saw his name under set design. “No, but arts and crafts staff have to help.” Sirius replied.
“Does he know that?”
“I assumed Dumbledore would’ve told him.”
“If he hasn’t come to you to beg not to be a part of this then he doesn’t know.” Regulus laughed for the first time that morning. Sirius looked upset “So none of the Arts and Crafts staff know?”
“Probably not.”
“This is a disaster!” Sirius yelled before he dramatically ran out of the cabin.

Regulus and James looked at each other before they both burst out laughing. James smiled as he sat down beside Regulus “You look like you’re feeling better.”
“I am.” Regulus said, which wasn’t a complete lie. His headache was very much still there, but the Advil had made it a little more manageable. “Good. Now get ready, our first activity starts in 20 minutes.” James said with a smile.

**********

It was at swim a few hours later when Regulus saw Pandora. When he sat down next to her she looked worried. “What’s wrong?” Regulus asked.
“Barty and Evan.”
“Are they still fighting?”
“Yes. I was talking to Peter about it this morning.” Regulus kept forgetting that Peter had been sharing a cabin with Barty and Evan. “He said out of nowhere they started acting really weird with each other. Apparently, they wouldn’t look at each other, and every time they interact it’s awkward. Then out of nowhere, they went from awkward with each other to angry with each other. Now they can’t be in the same room without it turning into a fight.” Pandora explained.
“That’s not like them.” Regulus replied.
“No, and I still can’t get either of them to talk about it. I told them both that if they don’t want to talk to me that’s fine but at least talk to each other. They both laughed when I said that.”
“Are they both coming to your cottage tonight?” Regulus asked
“Yes, but it took a lot of convincing.”
“Do you have any guesses at what’s wrong?” Regulus asked.
“No, boys are annoying like that, they just get mad out of nowhere and don’t talk about anything.” Pandora complained. Regulus laughed.

Lily sat down next to Pandora and wrapped her in a hug “You know, it’s not your job to fix everyone else’s problems.”
“But everyone else is shit at fixing their problems, who’s going to do it if I don’t.” Pandora complained as she laid her head on Lily’s shoulder. James sat down next to Regulus as he said “Exactly, I agree with Pandora.”
“It’s also not your job to fix everyone’s problems James.” Lily said
“But it is.” James argued. Lily sighed as if they had had this conversation many times already.

As Pandora went on, it only became more apparent how worried she was about Barty and Evan. Even when she tried not to think about it, he could see her brain going, the wheels turning, desperately trying to come up with a solution. It didn’t matter how many times Regulus, James and Lily told her there was nothing she could do, she just couldn’t let it go. She couldn’t rest knowing that her friends were unhappy with each other. Pandora didn’t like conflict, even if it had nothing to do with her, she would do everything in her power to make everyone happy.

**************

Leo was the first to come running onto the beach when swim was over. He ran right into Regulus’ arms and said “Regulus we saw a fish in the lake.”
“Really? What kind of fish?” Regulus asked
“A big one.”
“Bigger than this?” Regulus asked as he spread his hands out
“Yes.” Leo replied. Regulus continued moving his hands further and further away until Leo eventually told him he had reached the size of the fish.

Leo pulled Regulus up and started walking towards the cabin, as he got up he said to Pandora “We’ll figure it out, try not to worry.”. As Leo walked he asked
“Are you excited to be in the play?”
“Yes.” Regulus lied.
“James told me that you got the part you wanted.”
“Did he?”
“Yes. He said that he is excited for you to be in the play too. He told me that he likes to hang out with you. I told him that I also like to hang out with you.”
“I like to hang out with you guys as well.”
“But you’re leaving us.”
“Not for long, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“That is long, it’s a whole day.” Leo argued
“But you’ll be asleep for almost half of it.”
“I can’t sleep.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t sleep. Last night I was awake when Sirius and James brought you back to the cabin.” Regulus tried and failed to do the math in his head. He wasn’t sure when exactly he fell asleep or when James and Sirius brought him back to the cabin, but he knew it must’ve been late. “Did you tell James and Sirius?”
“No, they seemed upset. I didn’t want to bother them.”
“Leo, you know that James and I are here for that exact reason. If you can’t sleep you can talk to us about it. No matter what is going on with us, we are here for you.”
“I don’t want to be annoying.”
“You’re not annoying.” Regulus said, but he knew exactly how Leo felt.

He remembered being Leo’s age. He almost never asked his counsellors for anything. He didn’t want to be a burden on them so when he had a problem he figured it out or learned to deal with it. He was quiet, which meant a lot of the counsellor’s attention went to the kids who were louder and more demanding. It was easy for him to fade into the background. After all, he had a lot of practice; Sirius was always the loud one at home, and his mother often forgot about Regulus because she was too busy scolding Sirius.

“You promise?”
“I promise.” Regulus paused as Leo started to relax “If anyone’s annoying, it’s James.” Leo laughed and said, “That isn’t very nice, you told us we have to be nice to each other.”
“Exactly, I told you guys to be nice to each other, I never said I was nice.”
“You are nice.” Leo said seriously as they walked up the steps to the cabin.
“Thank you Leo.”

***********

When Regulus got in the Uber with Pandora, Barty and Evan he saw firsthand how bad it was. Barty and Evan silently glared at each other the whole ride to Pandora’s cottage.

At the cottage Barty stormed upstairs, he couldn’t get away fast enough. Regulus looked to Evan and asked, “What happened?”
“Barty’s being a prat, and so are you Regulus. Now I’m stuck doing set design for this stupid play.”
“Sorry.” Regulus said
“What did he do?” Pandora asked
“What didn’t he do.” Evan complained as he set his bag down. Regulus looked to Pandora. “Have you tri-”
“No! We haven’t talked about it Pandora! In case you didn't notice, we can’t say two words to each other without it becoming a fight.”
“I understand, but it’s not going to get resolved if you don’t talk about it.” Pandora argued. “Tell that to Crouch, he should try and resolve it.”
“I have, and you should both try and resolve it.”
“He started it though.”
“Are you five?”
“He’s acting like it.”
“You’re both acting like it. I want us to have fun tonight and tomorrow. We rarely hang out as a group because we all have such different schedules at camp. I miss you guys.”
“Barty and I’s schedules are too similar if you ask me.” Evan complained.

As Pandora continued to try and reason with Evan, Regulus figured he should probably help her out and went to find Barty.

Regulus knocked on the only closed door “Who is it?”
“Regulus?”
“Come in.” Regulus walked in and sat on the end of the bed.
“What happened?” Regulus asked
“I could ask you the same question. Why were you so upset yesterday?”
“Will you tell me if I tell you?” Regulus asked, genuinely considering it. He knew how stressed Pandora was and he figured knowing what happened would get them one step closer to fixing whatever happened. “No” Barty answered.
“Barty, you and Evan never fight.” Regulus tired.
“We do now.” Barty said as he looked down. Regulus knew that move. He knew what it meant to look down when he was upset. He knew the feeling of not wanting to fall apart, but not being able to stop it. He knew what it felt like when all he could do was look down so the other person couldn’t see the mess he was about to become.

Regulus rarely initiated a hug, but it looked like Barty needed it. “It’s all my fault.” Barty cried into Regulus’ arms. Regulus also knew that feeling. He knew what it was like to push someone you love away. He knew how the guilt mixed with the pain and the tiniest bit of relief that that person might be free of him. “Evan loves you.” Regulus said in an attempt to comfort Barty. However, this only made him more upset as Barty’s cries got louder. “I was just so scared. I didn’t know what to do so I fucked everything up.” Regulus felt those words in his bones.

Regulus knew that fear. When he had something so good. Someone so good. The feeling of not deserving it. He also knew the fear of the unknown. Not knowing if or when that person was going to leave was terrifying. It was so scary that the only thing that felt logical was to ruin it all on purpose, rip off the band-aid.

“It’s going to be okay.” Regulus said to Barty as he cried into his shoulder.
“No, it’s not. He’s my best friend.”
“Exactly, one fight isn’t going to get in between you two.”
“This might.” Barty cried.
“Can you tell me what happened?” Regulus asked again. Barty didn’t answer, he just cried. Regulus clung onto him, he didn’t know what else to do.

Regulus was still holding Barty when Pandora came in and announced “Pizza’s here, were all going to eat together.”
“Can I please just have it up here?” Barty asked as he wiped the tears from his face. Pandora sat down next to the two of them and said “I know it’s hard, but you two have to talk. I still don’t know what happened, but whatever it is you two can work through this.”
“What if we can’t?” Barty asked. Pandora looked surprised. Whatever this fight was about, it was clearly something big. Regulus wondered if it really would break them apart. If this would be the end of their friendship. He wondered if every interaction they would ever have from that moment on would be filled with awkwardness. “You can. Now c’mon.” Pandora said as she gentility grabbed Barry’s wrist and brought him downstairs.

Bad was an understatement for how that dinner went. Regulus refused to eat, Evan was angry, Barty was sad and Pandora was stuck with the three of them wishing Dorcas hadn’t chosen to spend her day off with Marlene. The silence was deafening.

The second Evan finished eating he got up and left. Barty did the same a few minutes later. This left Pandora with Regulus and his untouched pizza. “We’re not leaving until you eat.” Pandora said.
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can, just eat one slice.” Pandora encouraged. Regulus couldn’t. Everything was so out of his control. His friends, his brother and his parents, they all did what they wanted. Regulus couldn’t stop them from making the decisions they did. He couldn’t stop them from hurting him. He couldn’t stop them from trying to help him, no matter how many times he showed them that he was a lost cause.

“Regulus please.” Pandora begged, and she looked like she was about to cry. The second Regulus wrapped his arms around her she did cry. “I’m sorry” he said
“It’s not your fault” she replied, more maturely than Regulus could ever be about the whole situation. “I’m still sorry, I want to be better for you. I don’t want to make you feel like this.”
“Thank you.” Pandora wiped away her tears with her sleeve.
“Things will work out, but it isn’t your job to fix everything.”
“I need to. We all deserve to be happy.”
“You deserve to be happy.” Regulus told her.
“I can’t, not if you guys are falling apart.”
“Pandora, you can’t let your happiness depend on us. Sometimes, you just have to take the energy you put into others and put it into yourself. Love yourself like you love us, please.” Pandora didn’t say anything to this, she just continued to cry.

Regulus ended up eating, he hated himself and all the things he couldn’t control, but he knew if he ate it would make Pandora that tiny bit happier. That was something he could control, and after everything Pandora did for him, he knew he could do that one thing for her.

Pandora was that one person you met, and wondered how you got so lucky. How the person, who is far too good for a world that looks anything like this. The person who added so much to anyone who ever interacted with her. She was the person you selfishly wanted to keep all to yourself, but knew to do that, would be to commit an injustice to everyone else in the world.

Pandora and Regulus spent the rest of the night watching movies, as Regulus tried desperately to help her forget about everything that was stressing her out.

Thursday

When Regulus woke up, things were not much better. Barty and Evan still refused to talk to each other, and Pandora remained just as stressed as the night before. Pandora forced them to all eat breakfast together, Evan and Barty were not happy about it.

“Will you two please just talk to each other?” Pandora begged.
“No.” Evan stated.
“No.” Barty repeated.
“Start with telling each other that you are upset.” Pandora tried.
“I hate you Crouch.”
“I’m not fond of you either.” Barty replied.
“Good. Now maybe we can talk about why you feel this way.” Pandora suggested.
“Barty knows what he did.” Evan stated. Pandora rolled her eyes.
“Why don’t you tell Barty how that made you feel.”
“Like shit. Fuck you Barty.” Regulus looked to Barty to see him fighting back tears.
“Okay, now Barty, why don't you tell Evan why you are upset.” Pandora tried.
“I’m tired of you thinking everything is about you Rosier.” Barty said, in Regulus’ opinion, he did an impressive job of not crying. “Clearly this was.” Evan spat.
“There are other people in my life aside from you.” Barty retorted.
“Yes, other people that you use just to make yourself feel better.”

Regulus looked to Pandora. He wasn’t sure if one of them should jump in and break up their fight. On one hand, the arguing seemed to only make them more upset with each other, but on the other hand, this was the most they’d said to each other their whole day off. Pandora also didn’t seem to know what to do, but she didn’t intervene, so Regulus didn’t either.

“Well then you dodged a bullet didn’t you.” Barty said
“Apparently.”
“Great, problem solved.” Barty said and looked down
“No, not problem solved. This is so typical, you screw people over and then you act like everything’s fine!”
“I’m not acting like everything’s fine!”
“You would though, if I didn’t get upset you would act like it never happened.”
“Because I would think you didn’t care.”
“Obviously I care! You’re the one who doesn’t care!”
“I do care!”
“Doesn’t seem like it!”
“I thought I fucked everything up, I was trying to fix it!” Barty said as he finally broke and a tear rolled down his face. “You didn’t fix it.” Evan said as he got up from his chair.

Barty got up and grabbed Evan’s arm “I want to fix it.”
“I don’t think you do Barty.” Evan said as tears of his own rolled down his face.
“I do.” Barty said softly.
“Don’t.” Evan said as he took a step back “Don’t say what you think I want to hear just so I won’t be upset with you.”
“I’m saying what I want to say.”
“Then why did you kiss her right after you kissed me?” Evan asked as his voice broke.

Regulus looked to Pandora, he had clearly missed something, by the look on Pandora’s face, she had also missed something. “I told you, I was scared.” Barty said.
“Scared of me?” Evan chocked out
“No, I could never be scared of you.”
“Then what were you scared of?”
“Losing you.”
Evan let out a small laugh. “Then don’t lose me.” Evan said softly as he took a step towards Barty.

Regulus looked to Pandora at the same time Pandora looked to Regulus. “Are they gonna?” Regulus whispered.
“I-I think-” Pandora whispered back.

Barty took a step towards Evan. Evan lifted his hand and wiped the tears from Barty’s face. Regulus had never seen Barty stand so still as they looked into each other’s eyes. The room went so silent that even the sound of their collective breathing felt loud. Slowly, Evan and Barty leaned into each other.

‘Do it’ Regulus thought to himself. This was not where he saw this conversation going, but looking at it, this was the only thing that made sense. Barty and Evan made sense. Barty was the one who closed the gap between the two and kissed Evan. Evan leaned into the kiss as he wrapped his hands around Barty.

As they kissed, Pandora grabbed Regulus’ wrist and pulled him away. They were outside when they started laughing “Finally.” Pandora said with a smile.
“I was wondering when all their pretending to flirt with each other would catch up with them.”
“Right.” Pandora said.

Regulus and Pandora laughed as they quoted Barty and Evan. Every time they were closer to calming down, one would start to laugh and they would both break into a fit of giggles. It was only when Evan walked outside and said “You two can come back in now.”
“Barty’s not going to be naked in there right?” Regulus joked and Evan shoved Regulus.
“Shut up.”
“You’re right, how dare he make fun of your boyfriend.” Pandora added as she shook her head at Regulus. “You shut up too.” Evan said as he shoved Pandora.

They were all laughing as they walked through the cottage. When they saw Barty Pandora ran up to him and wrapped him in a hug. “I’m so happy for you two.” she said.
“Thank you.” Barty replied as he hugged Pandora back.
“And thank you for forcing us to talk.” Evan added, but that bit came out a lot quieter.
“See, I told you I could fix anything.” Pandora said to Regulus. Regulus let out a small laugh as he shook his head.

“Well, now that Rosier is all mine, and Pandora has Xenophilius, all that’s left is Regulus.” Evan turned and looked at Regulus
“Yes, we’ve got to find you someone Regulus.”
“No.” Regulus stated.
“We can’t let our dear friend be the 7th wheel.” Barty said
“7th?”
“Well, we have Meadows and McKinnon, then Pandora and Xenophilius and now the two of us. So that makes you our 7th wheel, but don’t worry, we’ll find you someone.” Barty assured. “I don’t need anyone.” Regulus argued.
“Oh no, big scary Regulus Black. He’s too tough for a boyfriend.” Evan joked.
“Exactly.” Regulus agreed even though Evan was making fun of him.

“I think I know someone.” Pandora said with a mischievous grin.
“Who?” Barty and Evan asked at the same time.
“Potter.”
“No!” Regulus said quickly.
“Why so defensive Black?” Barty asked.
“James and I are colleagues.” Regulus stated, which caused the three of them to laugh.
“I don’t know, you and Potter seemed pretty close the other day at Tennis.” Barty laughed. “We have to get along for the kids.” Regulus argued.
“Are you divorced parents?” Evan laughed.
“James and I are not going to date. I don’t even like him like that.” Regulus said as he walked away dramatically.

That was crazy, Regulus and James, dating? There was no way. They would never work. They didn’t even make sense together. James Potter with a heart of gold and heartless Regulus Black. No. He couldn’t even imagine dating James.

Besides, James was way too good for Regulus. He was kind, empathetic and loved everyone. He cared so deeply for people. He bent over backwards to put a smile on someone’s face. When something was wrong, he’d stop at nothing to help. He would ask over and over what was wrong, never getting frustrated when he didn’t get an answer. He would stay, even when it was hard. He’s a good person, too good; Regulus would taint him.

That doesn’t even consider the fact that James is Regulus’ brother’s best friend. That really would never work. Sirius wouldn’t allow it; then he would hate Regulus for going after his best friend. Sirius and Regulus grew up in darkness, James was the sun. Sirius would hate him for taking the sun away from him, and Regulus wouldn’t be able to blame him.

Obviously, Regulus didn’t like James. They were friends. Nothing more, nothing less. Even though Regulus knew his friends were just trying to be annoying, he kept thinking about more reasons he and James would never work.

As the day continued on, Regulus would inform his friends every time he thought of another reason that he and James wouldn’t work. “You’re getting a bit obsessed.” Barty commented when he told them what was probably the tenth reason they wouldn’t work. “I’m not getting obsessed. I’m trying to show you how wrong you are so you don’t continue bugging me about this.”
“We dropped it hours ago, you’re the one who keeps bringing it up.” Evan commented.
“No- I- I just know it will come up again if I don’t prove you guys wrong and get this stupid idea out of your head.”
“Maybe it’s you you’re trying to prove this to.” Pandora teased.
“It’s not, you guys brought it up.”
“And clearly it sparked something in you. Some hidden desire for James Potter.” Barty laughed. “I don’t have a hidden desire for James.”
“Seems like you do.” Pandora teased.
“Stop. I don’t like James and he doesn’t like me.” Regulus crossed his arms.
“How do you know he doesn’t like you?” Evan asked
“Because he’s interested in someone who would be nice to him. I’m not nice.” Regulus argued, but after he said it, he realized it was kind of a weak argument. “Did he tell you this?” Evan asked
“Well no but-”
“Has he ever told you about what his type is?” Barty asked.
“We haven’t talked about it but-”
“So you have no idea what his type is then.” Pandora stated.
“I know it’s not me.”
“But you don’t know that.” Evan pointed out. Regulus sighed, he was just adding fuel to the fire. He should’ve known his friends weren’t going to give it up if they knew it was annoying him. “Whatever.” Regulus said.

Once Regulus was finally able to get his friends to move on from his love life, they were able to spend the rest of the morning peacefully by the lake. Barty and Evan were in the water unable to keep their hands off each other, while Regulus and Pandora sat in the sand with their books. Before they knew it, it was time to go back to camp.

The second Regulus walked into the cabin Leo tackled him in a hug. “I missed you too.” Regulus smiled as he hugged Leo back. Before he could even stand up, James followed Leo’s lead and knocked him to the ground as he cheered “Regulus!”
“Hi.” Regulus said awkwardly as he got up and the rest of the boys took turns hugging him. “How was your day off?” James asked.
“Fine.”
“Good. Well, we have to go to the main field for evening program.”
“Okay.” Regulus said as he took the stuff from his backpack and threw it onto his bed for something to do. “Okay.” James said weirrily.

They were on their way to the main field when James asked “Are you mad at me?”
“No, why?”
“You’re being weird.”
“No I’m not.” Regulus argued
“Yes, you are. Seriously, did I do something?”
“No, you haven’t done anything, my friends are just assholes.” Regulus complained. James, who took Regulus’ dramatics way too seriously said “Oh, I’m sorry. Can I do anything to help?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Okay.”

Pandora laughed when she saw James and Regulus walk over “What’s so funny?” James asked with his signature smile, as if his happiness was sparked from the simple thought of others’ joy. “Oh nothing.” Pandora laughed. James looked to Regulus, “I can’t read her mind.” Regulus stated, although he did know exactly why she was laughing. However, James seemed to accept this as he nodded and sat down in between Pandora and Regulus.

The evening program didn’t involve counsellor participation which Pandora was excited to take advantage of as she asked “James, what’s your type?”
“What?” James asked, evidently surprised. Regulus gave her the death glare, but she continued on “What are you looking for in a romantic partner?”
“Are you trying to ask if I’m gay?” James asked with a smile. “No, you’re already out.” Pandora stated “I’m asking your type. Do you like,” Pandora paused as she looked at Regulus which James was thankfully but somehow oblivious to “curly hair, dark eyes, sarcastic maybe?” Pandora suggested.
“I mean, I’m not opposed to that, but it’s more about the type of person you know.” James stated. “Pandora leave him alone.” Regulus said.
“Okay, what’s your type Regulus?” Pandora continued. James suddenly seemed very interested in the conversation as he looked over at Regulus “Someone that is stupid enough to actually like me.” Regulus joked.
“There are a lot of people who like you, right James?” Pandora asked
“That’s enough.” Regulus said before James could answer “Let’s talk about something else.”

Reluctantly, Pandora went along and changed the subject, and went on about how nice it was to be back at camp. Regulus tuned everyone out until the evening program was over and he was forced to go to the play rehearsal.

Sirius didn’t notice Regulus and James walk into the theatre as he was too fixated on something Remus was saying. Regulus had never seen Sirius that focused, and decided to take advantage of it by messing up his hair. Regulus expected Sirius to retaliate, but instead, he whipped around and wrapped Regulus in a hug, which in Regulus’ opinion, was worse.

James laughed as Regulus tried to escape Sirius’ grip. “We missed you yesterday at rehearsal. I had to pretend to be you.”
“Oh no.” Regulus said unsympathetically.
“It was tragic.” Sirius agreed.
“Maybe you should just take my part then, since you’ve been practicing.” Sirius looked appalled “I could never replace you my dear brother. Plus you would like that too much and my whole mission is to make you suffer.” Sirius said as he messed up Regulus’ hair. Regulus sighed as he pushed Sirius away.

Regulus was still trying to push Sirius away when Dorcas excitedly pushed the door open and ran in “Regulus!” she shouted. The second he saw Dorcas, he knew exactly what she was so excited about “Please tell me they aren’t taking a piss.” she begged. “Ohh they’re really not, you should’ve seen it. They were all mad and then they were very not mad.” Regulus laughed.
“I’m so proud of them, they finally figured it out.”
“Took them long enough.”
“Who are we talking about?” James asked.

Dorcas and Regulus went silent. Neither of them knew if Barty and Evan wanted their relationship to be public, or if they were both even out to everyone. “McKinnon and your mum.” Dorcas said.
“Stop!” James yelled as he covered his ears. It was clear this was an ongoing thing, as all of a sudden Remus and Sirius had joined in on teasing James.

Regulus had never seen two people understand each other the way Remus and Sirius did. Sirius was the director of everything involving the play, but Remus wrote the script, giving him the purest understanding of the characters. When something was off, all the two had to do was look at each other. They didn’t even need to have a coherent conversation. They only had to move their hands around and say some gibberish before they somehow came to a decision.

This didn’t mean they got along the whole time, there was a lot of yelling, and at one point, James had to step in and separate the two. At first, Regulus thought they were both very passionate about the play, but when they started arguing about whose shirt Sirius was wearing, Regulus figured that they did this a lot. By the way James seemed so used to breaking up their fights, Regulus had a feeling he was right.

In the whole hour and a half, they only got a few scenes done. Remus and Sirius’ cabin was in the same direction as Regulus and James’. “I think we got a lot done today.” Sirius commented optimistically.
“No we didn’t.” Regulus and Remus said at the same time which got a laugh out of James. “You know, you two are almost the same person.” James said with a smile. Sirius looked offended as he said “No they are not! My Moony is-” Sirius paused as if he couldn’t think of a difference “well he is a lot more affectionate than Regulus.” he finished weakly. “Regulus can be affectionate.” James argued.
“When has Regulus ever shown affection?” Sirius asked.
“Ya, when have I ever shown affection?” Regulus asked, on Sirius’ side for once. “You’re affectionate with Pandora.” James said, and Regulus hated that he was right. “That’s because she’s my best friend.” Regulus argued. Sirius didn’t seem to like this as he asked “What about me?”
“You’re my brother.”
“Exactly, you should be affectionate with me.”
“No.”
“You used to be.” Sirius said, suddenly sad.
“I used to be a lot of things.”
“Regulus.”
“Sirius.” Regulus replied sarcastically, he refused to show any emotion.

Sirius on the other hand, jumped up into Regulus’ arms, forcing him to catch him. The only reason Regulus did catch him, was because he knew that if he let him fall he would hear about how injured he was for the next week, and with the play, he would be spending a lot of time with him. Out of the corner of Regulus’ eye, he saw James smile. As Sirius wrapped his arms around Regulus' neck he said “See, you still love me” and Regulus didn’t object.

Somehow, Regulus got stuck carrying Sirius until they had to split up and go their own separate ways. James remained silent as they walked towards the cabin, but with that smug grin on his face, Regulus could tell he wanted to say something. “What?” he asked. “Nothing.” James replied a little too quickly.
“Clearly it’s something.”
“Since you asked, I was thinking about how sweet you are.”
“Sweet?!”
“Sweet.” James confirmed.
“I’m not sweet” Regulus argued.
“Yes you are, you carried Sirius for 5 minutes with no complaints.”
“Because if I didn’t he would complain.”
“When has that stopped you before?” Regulus opened his mouth to argue but couldn’t. He hated how well James had come to know about him. How out of nowhere, it had come to feel like James could see right through him. “Just- shut up.” Regulus finished weakly. To Regulus’ surprise, James did, but that smug smile remained all the way back to the cabin.

In the cabin, they thanked the OD and just as Regulus was grabbing his pyjamas he heard a little voice whisper “Regulus.” Regulus looked up to see that Leo was sitting up in his bunk “Can’t sleep?” Regulus asked. Leo nodded and asked “Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Leo-” Regulus could tell Leo was upset “I’m an adult, you’re a kid. It would be inappropriate.” Regulus tried gently.
“No it wouldn’t, you’re my counsellor.”
“That makes it worse.”
“Please?”
“No.” Regulus said finally. He couldn’t help but think back to all the uncles who promised him it wasn’t weird. The ones who would stare at him and then tell him it was too late for him to be awake. The ones who would demand to stay and watch him change, then tell him it was okay because they were family. The ones who did things family should never even think about doing.

Leo started to cry “Please.”
“Leo-” Regulus thought for a moment “I don’t want to upset you, but I’m not going to sleep with you. If you want, I can stand by your bed until you fall asleep, but that’s it.” Leo continued to cry as he looked at James. “Regulus is right Leo, it’s weird.” Leo wiped the tears that fell from his face only for more to fall. “Will you stand by my bed?” he asked Regulus. “Of course.” Regulus replied.

Regulus stood by Leo’s bunk as he went back under the covers and continued to wipe tears from his eyes. He closed his eyes and opened them, as if he didn’t believe Regulus would stay, but he did. For the next hour, Leo did this a few more times, Regulus only left when he could hear Leo’s soft snores.

As he picked up his pyjamas from his bed James whispered “Are you okay.”
“I’m fine.” Regulus lied.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Okay.” James whispered softly. Regulus went to the bathroom changed, then got in his bed and pretended to sleep.

Chapter Text

TW
eating disorder (it's really not that bad in this chapter but it's there)
Anxiety (There is no anxiety attack but someone is very anxious and they have anxiety so....)

Friday

The moment James’ alarm went off, Regulus pulled the covers over his head. When his duvet was pulled back, he expected to see James, instead he saw Leo. “Hi Regulus.”
“Hi Leo.”
“Hi Regulus.” James walked over.
“Hi James.” Regulus grumbled as he put his pillow over his face. James took the pillow and held it just out of Regulus’ reach. Slowly, he propped himself up in order to get his pillow back. When Regulus went to grab his pillow, James raised his arm so the pillow was out of reach again. “Stop.” Regulus complained.
“I’ll stop when you get up.” James laughed, he was having way too much fun teasing Regulus.

In protest, Regulus flopped back down and covered his head with his hood. “No.” James laughed as a little hand reached down and pulled back his hood. “Leo, you’re supposed to be on my side.” Regulus laughed, because he couldn’t find it in himself to be upset with Leo. “I am on your side. You have to wake up so I can hang out with you.” Leo explained. “We can hang out at a more reasonable hour?”
“This is a reasonable hour.”
“No, it’s not.” Regulus complained as he slowly sat up.

James, who was always moving, waited. He watched patiently as Regulus slowly got himself up. When Regulus held the frame of his bed and stood up, James offered his hand, but Regulus couldn’t bring himself to take it. He was an adult, he should be able to get up, and it shouldn’t take him forever to do so. What he hated even more was how James held out his arm again when Regulus let go of the bed, as if he was going to fall at any second. If there hadn’t been 12 kids watching them, Regulus would’ve told James exactly what he thought, but instead, he said nothing as James watched him with concern.

As they walked towards the dinning hall, Regulus could tell James wanted to say something, but Leo was insistent on walking right by Regulus’ side. After a few minutes of silence, Leo asked “Why do you keep looking at Regulus like that?” Regulus looked up and gave James a look that said ‘I know I look like shit, don’t make it more obvious than it already is by staring at me’. “I’m not.” James lied.
“You are, you’re looking at him like he’s an angel or something.” Leo insisted. Regulus did not expect that. He hadn’t seen the way James was looking at him, but he had just assumed it was a look of concern, now he was curious. “I wasn’t looking at Regulus like he was an angel.” James said a little too quickly.
“Then what were you doing?”
“I was looking at his, um, sweater. It looks comfortable.”
“No you weren’t.” Leo argued. James looked panicked.
“Leo, it’s fine.” Regulus said in an attempt to save James from whatever hole he had fallen into. Leo looked like he wanted to object, but he also didn’t seem to want to upset Regulus, so he kept quiet.

At breakfast, it didn’t take long for Dr.Pomfrey to attack Regulus with questions “How have you been?” she asked.
“Fine.”
“There isn’t anything that’s been stressing you out?” Dr.Pomfrey continued as she put way too much cream cheese on a bagel and handed it to Regulus. “No.”
“Because if there is, you can always talk to me about it.”
“There’s not.”
“How are you sleeping?”
“Fine. How are you sleeping?” Regulus tried.

Dr.Pomfrey paused before she said “Regulus, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’ve looked-” she paused again “healthier” she finished.
“I’m eating what you’re giving me, and trust me when I say James won’t leave me alone after meals.”
“That’s great, but that wasn’t what I was referring to. You just look a little pale, and-” Dr.Pomfrey looked like she was trying so hard not to upset Regulus as she continued “you’re breaking out. Which is totally normal for kids your age, but I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.” Regulus laughed
“I’m fine, I just look like shit.”
“That isn’t how I worded it.”
“You don’t need to worry about me this much.” Regulus said.
“Okay, but my door is always open.” Dr.Pomfrey said carefully. Regulus had a feeling she wasn’t sure how far she could push before he got upset, but he appreciated that she was finally backing off.

Regulus ate in silence until James excitedly ran over to Sirius holding their schedule for the day. Regulus took this to mean water skiing was one of their activities for the day and thought ‘Because I don’t see enough of Sirius’.

**********

As they walked to the Ski Dock James broke the silence and said “You don’t look like shit.”
“What?”
“I overheard you talking to Dr.Pomfrey this morning, you don’t look like shit.”
“You don’t have to lie to me James.”
“I’m not.” James said as if that was the most ridiculous thing ever.
“I know you’re just trying to make me feel better, but you don’t have to.”
“If I thought you looked like shit I wouldn’t have said anything.”
“Yes, you totally would have.” and as he said it, Regulus realized that he liked how he knew these small things about James “Okay, I probably would have,” James admitted “but I genuinely don't think you look like shit”
“Thanks, I feel so much better now,” Regulus joked “Stop worrying.”
“I am worried, you seemed upset last night.” James said seriously
“I wasn’t.” Regulus lied.
“You were, and you were off this morning.”
“My head was bothering me.”
“But it wasn’t just you’re head.” James argued.

Just then Jake ran over to James and Regulus crying. “What’s wrong?” James asked. Just like every time one of the boys cried, James looked very anxious. “I-I can’t do it.” he cried.
“Can’t do what?” James prompted.
“Ski. I tried to do it last month once, but then Snape got mad at me because I kept falling. H-he said I was taking too long, b-but I told my mom I would learn to ski at camp.”
“Snape shouldn’t have said that,” James said, and Regulus saw him try to hide his disdain for Snape as he continued “but you’re going to learn today. Then when we get back to the cabin you can write your mom a letter all about how you learned to water ski.”
“But what if I can’t do it?” Jake cried.
“You can.”
“What if I can’t though.”
“Then we’ll come back another day and try again, and if you don’t get up then, then we’ll come back again. We’ll keep coming back until you get it.”
“You promise?” Jake asked
“I promise.” James confirmed.

**********

Regulus was surprised to see just Sirius at the ski dock, James must’ve been thinking the same thing because he asked “Where’s everyone else?”
“On their day off.”
“But you need at least 2 people in the boat.” James argued.
“That's what I told Dumbledore, he didn’t care.” Sirius replied, Regulus could tell he was trying to mask his annoyance in front of the campers. “Are you kidding?” James asked, visibly annoyed “That’s not safe.”
“He said” Sirius changed his tone and made a very bad, but very funny, impression of Dumbledore “One of the counsellors can go in the boat with you.”
“That-” Regulus nudged James to remind him that they were surrounded by eight-year-olds “I’m going to have a word with him later.” James finished.

One thing about kids, was that they were terrible at reading the room, just before Sirius could respond Jackson jumped up and yelled “When can we go water skiing?!”
“We’ll go in a second, why don’t you boys come up with an order to go in.” James said and all the boys immediately started to argue over who was going to go first.

Regulus decided to give James and Sirius a moment alone and went to stop the arguing. “Raise your hand if you were born in January.” Regulus said, he was using the tactic that his old counsellors so often used when his cabin was arguing about something. When Caleb and Owen raised their hand Regulus asked “Who’s older?”
“Me.” they both said at the same time and then started to argue over who was older. Regulus wasn’t sure what to do when Levi announced “Caleb is older.” and decided to take Levi’s word for it, despite Owen’s passionate disagreement. “Alright, Caleb, you’ll go first, then Owen can go. Now, who was born in February?” Regulus asked, and it went on like this until a complete order had been formed based on birth order. Some of the boys (the ones born in December) objected to this, but they quickly got over it when Regulus said they could go first next time.

Caleb ran to the rack of life jackets and put one on when Sirius said “All right, the first three kids going can come on the dock.” Caleb, Owen and Jake started to follow Sirius when Jake suddenly stopped. “But, I can’t water ski alone, someone has to come in the water with me.” he complained, once again close to tears. Sirius looked to James and then to Regulus, “James has to come on the boat to tell me if they fall.” This caused Jake to look at Regulus with his big watery eyes. “I don’t know how to water ski.” Regulus argued, because every time his cabin had water ski as an activity he refused to take part. “Good thing you won’t be the one water skiing then.” Sirius replied as he patted Regulus on the back. “Ya but-” Regulus tried
“So it’s settled.” Sirius said with an evil smile “You’ll go in with Jake when it’s his turn.” Regulus was about to object when Jake wrapped his little arms around Regulus’ hips and said “Thank you Regulus.” Regulus glared at Sirius to let him know this was all his fault, Sirius’ smile only seemed to grow.

Regulus rolled his eyes and started to walk onto the dock when James grabbed his wrist and said “You need a life jacket.”
“I’ll be fine.” Regulus argued as James put on his own life jacket.
“You can be fine in a life jacket.” James argued.
“James.”
“Regulus.”
“I know how to swim.”
“Just in case.”
“In case what.”
“I don’t know, you seemed off this morning. I just- I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you.” James said, he suddenly looked worried.
“Good thing nothing is going to happen to me.” Regulus countered.

James completely ignored Regulus’ objections as he grabbed a life jacket from the rack and slid Regulus’ arm through the hole. “Stop.” Regulus said as he started to pull his arm back. Sirius however, knew Regulus too well and grabbed his arm before he could, “He actually is right Regulus, you should be wearing a life jacket.” Regulus glared at Sirius. “You’re not wearing one.” Regulus argued.
“There’s one on the boat.”
“But you’re not going to wear it.” Regulus argued while he tried to pull his arm away; he knew Sirius, and he knew that Sirius would rather die than be seen in a life jacket. “Do as I say not as I do.” Sirius replied as he grabbed Regulus’ other arm and helped James slide it through the other arm hole. Before James could start to do the life jacket up, Regulus pulled his arms as hard as he could away from Sirius. This only made Sirius tighten his grip. Regulus lifted his leg and kicked Sirius in the shin. In retrospect, this was a bad idea because it led Sirius to pull Regulus’ arms behind his back and then hold him as he brought him down. Even though he was sitting down, he was still trying to kick his way out of Sirius and James’ grasp. “Sit on his legs.” Sirius said to James.

Regulus tucked his legs close to his chest as he tried and failed to elbow Sirius in the stomach “This is ridiculous.” he complained.
“You’re the one making it ridiculous.” Sirius argued. James continued to try and stop Regulus from kicking, but he was too gentle and Regulus could easily pull his legs back. “James, you’re gonna have to try a little harder than that.” Sirius complained as Regulus pulled his foot away from James for the third time. “Regulus, I have to do up your life jacket.” James said instead.
“Fuck off.” Regulus complained.
“Regulus please” James looked desperate, his eyes filled with water “I just- I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you. I know you say you’ll be fine and you probably will be, but I can’t leave you without a life jacket. You can be mad at me if you want, you can spend the rest of the summer telling me how terrible I am, but you’re wearing the life jacket whether you like it or not.”
“I’m just going to take it off when you leave.”
“Then let me do it up.” James said. Regulus didn’t trust how nonchalant James was with the fact that he would take the life jacket off when James went. “No.” Just as Regulus tried to kick James hand away Sirius let go of his hand and quickly reached around to do up the life jacket.

In response, Regulus elbowed Sirius, who grabbed him again and pinned him to the ground “Let go.” Regulus complained.
“Not yet.” Sirius said with an evil smile as James got up.
“What are you doing?” Regulus asked, scared of the look in Sirius’ face. James looked anxious as got in the boat and started to look for something. “James, what are you looking for?” Regulus asked.
“Something Remus made.” James said as if that answered everything.
“What’s the point of all this if you’re just going to take the life jacket off when we leave?” Sirius asked with a smile. Regulus turned his head to look at James, who was holding some sort of key. “What’s that for?” Regulus asked as he continued to try and wiggle his way free. “Last year, Sirius went on and on about how some of the kids would take their life jackets off in the water and how Dumbledore somehow decided it was Sirius’ fault. Eventually, Remus got tired of Sirius complaining and made this.” James held up the key “It locks the life jacket buckle. You can’t take it off without the key.”
“This is ridiculous, I’m not going to take the life jacket off in the water.” Regulus lied.
“You just said you would.” Sirius laughed.

James knelt down beside Regulus “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like this.” and in James' defence, he did genuinely look sorry.
“Then stop.” Regulus complained as James brushed the hair out of Regulus’ face.
“I won’t let anything happen to you,” James said as he inserted the key into the first buckle “no matter how unlikely.”
“We love our Reggie too much.” Sirius agreed rather dramatically.
“I’m fine.”
“Okay.” James said as he locked the second buckle.
“I hate you both.” Regulus complained as James finished locking the last buckle.

Regulus expected Sirius to let go when James was finished with the life jacket, but instead, he picked Regulus up and started to run. As the end of the dock got closer and closer, Regulus figured out exactly what he was doing. “Sirius no, put me down.” Sirius didn’t say anything, he just kept running. “Sirius!” Regulus screamed as he clung onto Sirius, hoping his hold was strong enough. It wasn’t. As hard as Regulus tried, Sirius was still able to rip him off and throw him into the lake.
“I hate you!” Regulus yelled, the water was freezing cold.
“I love you.” Sirius teased. James laughed as he, Caleb, Owen and James caught up.

Jake looked nervous as he watched Caleb and Owen water ski. He asked several times “What if I can’t do it.” and Regulus replied with
“You can.” every time.

When James and Sirius returned with Owen, James got off the boat to help Jake get the water skis on. “Ready?” he asked.
“No, I can’t do it.” Jake said.
“Not without water skis.” James replied with a smile, Jake didn’t look as confident “You’ve got this.” James told him.
“What if I don’t?”
“Then you try again next time, but Sirius is a very good teacher, and you look like the type of kid to be very good at water skiing.”
“You’re just saying that.” Jake argued.
“I’m saying it because it’s true.” James said as he set the water skis down with a smile. He continued to encourage Jake as he helped him get the skis on and into the water where Jake immediately wrapped his arms around Regulus and one of his skis came off.

Jake looked to Regulus who looked to James. “It’s okay, it’s easy to put back on.” James assured them “Just try and keep the tips of the skis up okay.” he said to Jake.
“Okay.” Jake replied as he pulled the rubber backing to get the ski back on. As Jake was trying to get the ski on, the other fell off. Jake started to cry “It’s okay, this is good practice.” James assured him. “Jake, why don’t you lean back and Regulus can get the skis on, that way they won’t fall off.”
“I don’t know how to put on water skis.” Regulus panicked. James laughed, which Regulus very much did not appreciate and informed him of this by splashing him. James was not at all phased as he splashed Regulus back and said “Just slide his foot in, it should go on pretty easily.” To Regulus’ surprise, the water ski was in fact easy to put back on. “You didn’t believe me?” James asked, as if he could read Regulus’ mind.
“No.” Regulus said without skipping a beat as he put the other water ski back on.
“I would never lie to you.” James said with a smile, yet it was clear it wasn’t just a throwaway comment. James meant it. That was just who James was, he was such a good person that he was able to say these things so casually; because to him, it was casual. To James, honesty was expected. To James, kindness was the bare minimum, but to Regulus, these simple things were a luxury.

“Jake, I’m going to get on the boat now so that I can pass you the rope. Can you stay there with the tips of the water skis pointed up for me?” James asked. Jake nodded as he tried to lift his feet out of the water. “You can relax a bit. Only the very tip of your ski needs to be poking out of the water okay? The boat is going to do the rest.” James said as he stepped onto the boat. “Jake, every time you get nervous just splash Regulus. Trust me it makes you feel a lot better.” Sirius said with a smile. Jake shook his head as he wrapped his arms around Regulus’ neck “That’s mean.”
“Ya Sirius, that’s mean.” Regulus echoed.
“But fun.” Sirius said with a smile while James tossed Jake the rope.

“Okay Jake, can you bend your knees and keep your arms straight for me? The boat is going to slowly pick up speed, but lucky for you, the boat is going to do all the work in pulling you up so you don’t have to worry about trying to stand up.” Jake started to adjust as he looked nervously at Regulus “Just keep your knees bent and arms straight and the boat will do the rest.” James assured. Regulus gave James a look that said ‘What am I supposed to do?’ which James thankfully saw and said “Reg, all you have to do is be behind him. It’s going to be hard for him to stay in the right position, so the best thing you can do is help hold him in that position.

Regulus followed James’ instructions and tried to hold Jake in his position. Sirius started to slowly drive the boat forward. The boat started off slow, but quickly picked up speed. For a second, Regulus thought Jake was going to get up. His body slowly emerged from the water and there was a moment where Jake was standing. Just as Regulus was about to cheer Jake fell.

He started to cry as Regulus swam towards him “I told you I can’t do it.” he cried as he wrapped his arms around Regulus’ neck. “That was just your first try. I bet nobody gets up on their first try.” Regulus comforted.
“Jackson said he did.” Jake cried.
“You and Jackson are different people. You’re going to be good at different things.” Sirius said as he brought the boat back around. “Jackson is good at everything.” Jake complained. “It might seem that way, but you are also good at a lot of things.” James said. “No I’m not.” he cried.
“You know, he at the ski docks we have a rule. You can’t say you’re bad at skiing if you fail the first 50 times.”
“But I am.” Jake complained
“Hey, are you breaking my rule?” Sirius said with a smile.
“Yes.” Jake cried.
“Aww you’re teaching them well Prongs.” he said to James and turned to Jake and Regulus “Well, if you break my rules then that means you have to keep trying.”

It surprised Regulus how gentle Sirius was being towards Jake. It was funny, he was still his annoying self, but softer. Regulus didn’t often see Sirius at Ski; he was never introduced to this version of Sirius. He was patient with the kids and refused to let them give up. Sirius was just so good with the kids; he was the embodiment of everything their childhood wasn’t, and Regulus felt strangely proud. He had made it out. He had found something he was good at. He looked happy. He looked free.

It took Jake 3 more tries before he was able to get up, but once he got up he was great. Regulus couldn’t help but smile at the pure joy on James and Sirius’ faces as Jake water skied around the lake.

After Regulus helped Andrew, who was the last kid to go, get the skis back onto the dock he turned to James “Get this life jacket off.” he demanded
“What’s the magic word?” James asked with a smile.
“I’m not doing this with you.”
“That’s not the magic word.” he protested.
Regulus crossed his arms, “You’re not funny.”
“I’m very funny.” James laughed as he took the key out of his pocket and took the life jacket off.

Regulus turned to Sirius and asked, “Where are the towels?”
“You’re supposed to bring your own.” Sirius said with a smug smile.
“You don’t have a towel for me?!”
“Nope.” Sirius laughed. It was clear by how relaxed he was that he wasn’t expecting what Regulus would do next.

Regulus waited. He let him laugh. Let him think it was the funniest thing ever that Regulus was standing there dripping wet. He waited until Sirius started to walk down the dock towards the beach before he pushed Sirius into the lake.

Sirius’ smile quickly disappeared when he resurfaced “You arse!” he yelled while Regulus laughed. Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus could see James fighting back a laugh which made Regulus laugh even harder. Even the campers were laughing as Sirius shook his hair out like a dog. As Sirius got out of the water, Regulus could tell he wasn’t done and started to run.

Regulus could hear Sirius behind him as he ran down the dock and onto the sand. “Get back here Regulus.” Sirius screamed, he was much closer than Regulus expected him to be. Regulus turned his head to see how close Sirius really was when he tripped and fell face-first into the sand.

As he lifted his head up out of the sand, Regulus could hear Sirius’ all too familiar stupid smug laugh “Regulus, are you okay?”
“Fuck off.” Regulus complained. He tried to blink the sand out of his eyes. There was sand everywhere, in his mouth, in his eyes, in his hair; and because he was all wet, the sand clung to his skin.

There was a gentle hand on his back as James asked “Are you okay?” unlike Sirius, he didn’t laugh. Regulus didn’t say a word as he leaned into James who somehow had a towel and was wrapping it around him. “You’re spoiling him.” Sirius joked. “I spoil you too.” James laughed as he ran his hands through Regulus’ hair in an attempt to get the sand out. “Not like you do him.” Sirius complained as he threw a handful of sand at James.

“Regulus are you okay?!” Leo asked.
“I’m fine.” Regulus said, and in an attempt to prove it, he tried to sit up; but as he sat up he felt a rush of pain in his head. It must’ve been clear on his face because Sirius stopped laughing, instead, he picked up the end of Regulus’ towel and started to wipe the sand off his face. “I’m fine.” Regulus repeated, but he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

***********

James was nice enough to let Regulus go back to the cabin to change and shower while he took the boys to Swim. From there, the day was quite uneventful until it was time for James to leave for his day off. Levi clung to his leg as he tried to walk out of the cabin, and it was impossible to miss how much James loved that. James liked to be needed, but what Regulus had learned was that he loved to be wanted. He liked it when the boys asked him for help with something. He loved it when the boys begged him not to leave. He liked doing little things such as letting Regulus take a nap while he took care of the kids. He loved it when Regulus tried to hide that he was just as sad as the boys when he left for his day off. People need the sun, it’s what keeps them alive; but on a cold winter day, the summer sunshine is what people desire most.

“Bye Regulus.” James said, he had finally managed to get Levi off of him. James hugged Regulus and rested his head on top of Regulus’, “Go away already.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “I’m going to miss you too.” James laughed as he clung tighter to Regulus. “Potter hurry up!” Sirius shouted from outside the cabin. James gave Regulus a small smile as he said “I guess I better go.”
“Get out of here.” Regulus joked, he tried but failed to stop the smile that formed on his face when he looked at James, but lucky for Regulus, James had already turned around and left.

Levi spent the entirety of dinner and Evening Program begging to use Regulus’ phone to call James. When they got back from Evening Program, Regulus proposed Levi write James a letter that he could give to him the next day. “It’s a compromise.” Regulus told him. “This is not a compromise.” Levi argued.
“Ya, a compromise would be if you let us text him.” Jackson argued. He had joined Levi in his attempts after Levi promised to share his dessert for the next few days if they could get Regulus to give in. Regulus thought about it for a second before he said “Fine, write out what you want to say and I’ll text it to James.”
“How do I know you’re not lying.” Levi crossed his arms.
“You can watch me send the text.”
“Deal.” Levi held out his hand for Regulus to shake.

Jackson and Levi spent the next 10 minutes writing everything they wanted to say to James on a scrap piece of paper. Regulus couldn’t help but smile at their excited faces as he took a picture of the paper and sent it to James. Two minutes later, James called Regulus “Tell them I miss them too. You too, I miss you!” James slurred his words. “It sounds like you’re having fun.” Regulus laughed.
“Oh, I am having lots of fun.” James confirmed. Regulus let out another laugh before James continued “I would be having more fun if you were here.”
“You don’t have to say that.” Regulus said just as Levi shouted
“Is that James?!” and ran right up to the phone to yell “Hi James!”
“Hi Levi, I miss you too!” Levi looked up at Regulus, he didn’t have to ask, Regulus knew what he wanted and handed him the phone. Levi’s face lit up as he put Regulus’ phone up to his ear.

Regulus hadn’t wanted to disturb James on his day off, but it was clear he was just as excited as Levi, if not more, to be talking to them. He felt less hesitant to let the boys tell James in excruciating detail everything that had happened since he left, and felt even less bad when he realized James had asked them to elaborate further on several occasions.

The boys talked to James for the next half hour, and even though James was insistent he didn’t mind, Regulus figured he should let him enjoy his time away from them and took the phone away. It was a few hours later when Regulus put the boys to bed, but it was hours upon hours later that Regulus himself went to bed.

Saturday

The day had gone by quite slowly without James. Regulus expected James’ days off to be hell on earth for him. He couldn’t imagine watching over 12 eight-year-olds all on his own, but their campers were actually quite good kids. Aside from the constant ‘Hey don’t eat that’ and ‘Don’t climb that’ Regulus had few complaints.

James was meant to get back any minute, this meant every little sound from outside caused the boys to stop what they were doing and look excitedly at the door. When James finally did walk in, he looked tired. He nearly fell over when all the boys charged at him with open arms. Despite how he looked, he was still James Potter which meant a huge smile appeared on his face as the boys hugged him. He continued to smile as all the boys excitedly screamed about how much they missed him and everything they had done that day.

“Are those for us?” Jackson asked, and Regulus noticed the box of cookies that James had been holding. “Of course, you think I would come back empty-handed.” James laughed as he handed Jackson the box of cookies. “There’s only enough for everyone to have one.” James called out as Jackson ran away with the box of cookies which caused all the boys to run after him.

When James stood back up it looked like it took effort, “What’s wrong?” Regulus asked as he held out his hand in case James fell. “I’m so hungover.” James said softly as he hugged Regulus and buried his face into Regulus’ shoulder. Regulus took a huge sigh of relief and said “You idiot. I thought something had happened to you.”
“Something did happen to me. I’m never drinking again.” James complained. Regulus let out a small laugh “You say that now.”
“I mean it,” James complained as he hugged Regulus tighter “and I only woke up 2 hours ago.” Regulus laughed
“It must’ve been a fun night.”
“Mhm,” James paused before saying “but it would’ve been more fun with you there.”
“You don’t have to say that.”
“But it’s true.” James lifted his head up out of Regulus’ shoulder to look at him.
“You’re just saying that because you’re you.” Regulus said softly.
“I’m saying it because I missed you.”
“Okay.” Regulus said softly as he let go of James.

James was quiet for a moment. He looked at Regulus as if he was a kicked puppy. “What did I do?” he asked sadly.
“You didn’t do anything.” Regulus told him because how could he tell him that every time he said something nice Regulus couldn’t believe him. How could he tell him that he spent his whole life being discarded? How could he tell him that he’d grown up as an afterthought? How could he tell him that when he wasn’t around, nobody had ever missed him? How could he tell him that if you are always told you’re hated, it’s nearly impossible to believe someone could actually care?

“You pulled away.” James said quietly.
“Yes.” Regulus confirmed. He could tell James had more to say but was holding back. They were silent for a moment, it was as if time stopped and they were stuck staring into each other’s eyes. Regulus waited for James to do something. To break the silence. To look away. James didn’t. There was so much unsaid, and Regulus had a feeling that it was better left unsaid because it would change everything.

“We have to go, we're going to be late for Evening Program.” Regulus quickly stated before he turned around to go make sure the boys were ready.

James and Regulus were both quiet as they walked down to Main Feild. When they got there, James practically fell into Lily’s arms. Lily laughed as she wrapped her arms around James and said “I told you to take it easy.” James didn’t say anything as Lily helped him to the ground while she continued to laugh. Regulus sat down beside Pandora who was also laughing at James.

Regulus didn’t laugh at James. In fact, he didn’t even look at him. He could feel James’ eyes on him, but refused to break. As Evening Program went on, he started to get cramps. He knew it was too good to be true. He had gotten his period earlier that day, yet the only pain he had to deal with was a headache. When Regulus held his arm over his stomach James asked “Regulus what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m fine James.” Regulus replied, but he still didn’t look at James.
“Something’s bothering you.” James stated, it wasn’t a question this time. Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus could see James start to sit up. “James I’m fine.” Regulus said again. “Can I give you a hug?” James asked; Regulus broke, he looked at James. “You hugged me earlier, I’m just returning the favour.”

Regulus knew he should say no. He knew James was getting too close to him. He knew James was too good. Too bright. It would be selfish, but Regulus was selfish, so he let James hug him. He let James hold him longer than was probably appropriate. After, he told himself over and over again that he hated every second of that hug.

When Evening Program was over and they were back at the cabin Regulus started to get ready for play rehearsal. When James flopped down on his bed and didn’t get up Regulus asked “Sirius will kill you if you don’t come.” James looked confused for a moment, when he realized what Regulus was talking about he said “Oh, we’re not doing play rehearsal tonight. Sirius and Remus are still at the cottage.”
“They didn’t come back with you?” Regulus asked, then he questioned why he even cared. He didn’t have to go to play rehearsal, why was he questioning it. “No, they were also pretty hungover, but if anyone asks, they’re in their cabin.” James said that last bit with a mischievous smile. Regulus rolled his eyes.

Technically, Remus and Sirius weren't needed back at camp until first period the next morning; and it would be just like Sirius to take an extra night off. James laughed and said, “I know, we should’ve been activity staff huh.”
“I should go tell Dumbledore, it could be payback for making me be in the stupid play to begin with.” Regulus complained, but they both knew he wasn’t going to. James laughed again “That would show him.”

With nothing to do, Regulus did what he had been waiting to do all day. He put his pyjamas on and got into his bed with his Kindle.

Sunday

Regulus had probably only gotten 2 hours of sleep; he spent most of the night in pain. Every time he did fall asleep, he would wake up not much later and would get to spend another couple of hours staring at the roof in pain. This meant Regulus was really not happy when James’ alarm went off.

Just like every morning, James was gentile as he tried to coax Regulus out of bed. “No.” Regulus complained as James stole the covers Regulus had been trying to hide under. “Yes.” James said as he sat on the edge of the bed.
“Go away.” Regulus whined as he pulled his hood over his head. There was a moment of silence where Regulus thought James had actually listened, but that would’ve been too easy.

Instead of leaving Regulus alone, James picked him up. Regulus pulled his hood back and glared at James, “Do you want me to put you down?” James asked with a smile. ‘No’ he felt himself wanting to say “Yes.” Regulus said instead.

James didn’t let go right away as he set Regulus down. He held onto Regulus as he regained his balance and the pain in his head faded a bit. It took everything in Regulus not to lean into James at that moment.

**************

As the morning went on, Regulus’ cramps had only gotten worse. By the time Swim rolled around, he had started to feel nauseous. When Regulus squeezed his eyes shut and grabbed a handful of sand James asked for the hundredth time if he was okay. Regulus reassured him for the hundredth time that he was fine, but James clearly didn’t believe him. Every time Regulus would say he was fine James would look to Pandora for guidance. Pandora, who actually knew what was wrong, would tell James to assure James that everything was okay. A few minutes later, the cycle would repeat.

Regulus could only get James to believe that he was fine for so long, and when Regulus ran to the nearest garbage can to throw up, James no longer believed him. “I think you should see Dr.Pomfrey.” James stated as he rubbed Regulus’ back.
“No, I’m okay.”
“Regulus, you can’t tell me nothing’s wrong.”
“Nothing’s wrong.” Regulus said stubbornly.
“Fine, then let’s go see Dr.Pomfrey so she can tell me nothing’s wrong.”
“Dr.Pomfrey sees me enough as it is.”
“One more time won’t kill her.”
“It might.” Regulus said sarcastically. He waited for James to continue to argue. His mind, on the edge of its’ seat, ready to see what James would come up with next.

Instead of arguing, James grabbed Regulus’ arm and started to pull him away from the beach and in the direction of Dr.Pomfrey’s office “I’ll be back before swim’s over” he called out to Lily.
“No, James stop. I don’t want to go.” Regulus complained as he tried to pull his arm back. “I just want to be sure you’re okay. If she says you’re fine then I’ll leave it alone.” James said as he slowed his pace down when he noticed Regulus was practically jogging. “No, you won’t. You just won’t say anything about it, but you’ll look at me with that concerned look you’re always giving me.” Regulus argued. He took his free hand and tried to unlatch James’ fingers from his arm. In retaliation, James took his other hand and grabbed and used it to stop Regulus. It didn’t escape Regulus’ notice that James didn’t argue with that fact.

James barged into Dr.Pomfrey’s office as he dragged Regulus behind him. Dr. Pomfrey, who was sitting in a chair with a book, quickly stood up and asked “What’s wrong?”
“I think he’s sick, he’s in a lot of pain.” James answered before Regulus could say anything. Dr.Pomfrey looked to Regulus who said “I’m fine.”
“Come sit down.” Dr.Pomfrey said as she led them to one of the rooms with a bed. “Is it your head?” she asked as they walked.
“Ya, but I’m fine.” Regulus tried to assure her.
“And his stomach, his stomach is really bothering him. Also, he was throwing up at the beach.” James said almost too fast for anyone to understand. At the mention of Regulus throwing up Dr.Pomfrey looked alarmed. “It wasn’t on purpose.” Regulus told her.
“You promise?” she asked.
“Yes.” Dr.Pomfrey looked inclined to believe Regulus, but he could see the doubt in her face. “Oh, no it was because he’s not feeling well.” James confirmed when he caught onto what they were talking about. Dr.Pomfrey clearly trusted James more than Regulus because she nodded and said, “Let me check your temperature.”
“I’m not sick.” he told her. Dr.Pomfrey ignored him as she grabbed the thermometer.

Regulus could tell Dr.Pomfrey was surprised when she looked at the thermometer and realized Regulus was right. “Can I go now?” Regulus asked.
“No, you shouldn't be throwing up and in so much pain for no reason.” Dr.Pomfrey told him. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you.” Regulus replied.
“Have you been drinking enough water?” she asked, clearly not ready to let Regulus leave. “Yes.”. Dr.Pomfrey was silent for a moment as she looked at Regulus, for some weird reason it felt like she was looking into his body. The silence was uncomfortable as she continued to stare at Regulus.

“James, could you give me a minute to talk to Regulus alone please?” Dr.Pomfrey broke the silence. James nodded a little too quickly and left. “Regulus, tell me what’s wrong.” Dr.Pomfrey said once the door was shut..
“It’s, you know,” Regulus tried.
“No, I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m not pregnant.” Regulus tried again. At this, Dr.Pomfrey started to hysterically laugh. Regulus had never seen Dr.Pomfrey laugh like that. When he looked up at her, he couldn’t help but start to laugh as well. “Oh James, sweet nïeve boy.” she laughed which got Regulus to laugh even harder. “I told him I was fine.” Regulus laughed, this really got Dr.Pomfrey going. For the next few minutes, the room was filled with Regulus’ and Dr.Pomfrey’s laughter; once they had finally calmed down, Dr.Pomfrey asked Do you think that’s why you were looking a bit off the other day?”
“Probably.” Regulus replied.
“That’s good to hear, I’m glad it’s not anything we have to worry about.” Dr.Pomfrey said as she put the thermometer back on the shelf and let James back in.

“Regulus is fine.” she told him.
“Are you sure? He seemed really sick at the beach.” James said, concerned. Regulus could see Dr.Pomfrey hold back a laugh as she said “It’s okay James.”
“No, something’s wrong.” James said, he looked genuinely upset. At the look on James’ face, any sense of laughter was gone from both Regulus and Dr.Pomfrey “You’re right, Regulus isn’t 100%, but we talked and I understand what’s going on. I need you to trust me when I tell you that he’s okay.”
“What’s wrong?” James asked. For a moment, Regulus thought she was going to tell him. He mentally prepared himself for the rest of the day to be super awkward between them. However, to Regulus’ surprise, Dr.Pomfrey didn’t tell James “James, Regulus’ medical history and information is confidential. If he wants to talk to you about it he can, but I can’t tell you.”

James looked really upset. His eyes filled with water as he asked “Is he sick?”
“Oh, no James, Regulus is okay I promise.” Dr.Pomfrey said as she pulled James into a hug. When James started to cry Dr.Pomfrey said “Regulus can you give us a minute.”

As Regulus waited, he re-ran the whole thing in his head. He hated how upset James looked, and he needed to know where it went wrong. He needed to know what made James jump to the worst possible conclusion. Regulus hated his insignificant pain caused so much pain for James.

When James and Dr.Pomfrey were done James’ eyes were all puffy. Regulus instantly wrapped him in a hug and said “I’m okay, you know that right?” James nodded
“I’m sorry.” he said.
“Don’t apologize.” Regulus told him.
“I was trying not to do that. I tried to breathe and remind myself everything was okay but I couldn’t.” he said as he rested his head on Regulus’ shoulder.
“I didn’t mean to scare you. I really am okay.”
“I’m glad you’re okay.”

The walk back down to the beach was quiet. By the time they got back, there was only 10 minutes left of Swim. James didn’t talk at all in those 10 minutes, and the absence of laughter was just another reminder of how James could light up any place he went.

James was better with their campers. He would listen and engage in conversation with them like he would normally. From the outside, he looked completely fine, but anyone who knew him knew that something was off. He didn’t have that spark.

************

When James and Regulus walked into the theatre for play rehearsal Sirius instantly knew something was wrong. James didn’t have to say anything before Sirius had wrapped his arms around James. James was quiet as he rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder. Neither of them said a word, yet Regulus felt they were having an entire conversation. They weren’t even looking at each other, but the way Sirius was holding James and the way James clung to Sirius said more than words probably ever could.

Regulus had always known Sirius and James were best friends, but their friendship was something special. It was the kind of thing one had to see. Their love for each other was in everything they did. It was in the way they laughed at the other’s dumb jokes. It was in the way they knew what the other was going to say before they said it. It was in the way they subconsciously gravitated to each other.

Regulus had thought Sirius would see James and cancel the play rehearsal, but James made it pretty clear that wasn’t what he wanted, and all Sirius wanted to do was make James happier. James remained quiet, he only spoke when it was to read a line. He didn’t laugh, he didn’t even smile. It felt wrong.

When they got back to the cabin James got changed and crawled right into bed. Regulus followed suit, but instead of going to bed, he pulled his Kindle out.

Notes:

It seems every time I update it's a month later and I'm apologizing for taking so long. So here we go again, sorry I took so long to update I don't really have an excuse except that the Ski Dock scene took me forever because I kept hating it and wanting to redo it. Also, I hate to say it but these updates are not going to get more constant because I am going into my first year of university and rumour has it college students don't have any free time. I promise not to forget about this fic though, it will be in the back of my mind it just might stay there for a while. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. Thank you again to everyone who has read, left kudos and commented on this fic. It really does mean the world to me that people are enjoying this and spending their free time reading my work.

Chapter Text

Hey....

So it's been a minute. Sorry about that. I just started my first year of university and when they say you have no free time in university they are not kidding. Because of that, this chapter is shorter than usual, but I didn't want to make you guys wait even longer for an update. Also, this chapter isn't my favourite because I worked on it in really tiny bits, so I apologize if it feels really choppy.

TW

Transphobia (******* is Regulus being deadnamed)
Abuse

Monday

Evening program had just ended and James and Regulus were walking the boys back to the cabin. Ethan was asleep in Regulus’s arms after he asked to be picked up then promptly fell asleep. “You look tired.” James said to Regulus.
“I’m fine.” Regulus replied as he tried to ignore the painful headache that appeared a few hours ago. “Okay.” James said, but it was clear he didn’t believe Regulus.

During the staff meeting, Regulus only spoke to tell James he didn’t care what day he took off. Out of the corner of his eye, Regulus saw Sirius fighting with Snape, but couldn’t find the energy to care. All Regulus wanted was to make it through the rest of the day.

As they walked to play rehearsal James asked again “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just have a headache.”
“Do you want some Advil?” James asked as he pulled a bottle of Advil out of his pocket.
“Do you- do you just carry that around everywhere?”
“Ya, you never know when someone’s going to need it.” James replied as if that had been obvious. “No, I’m fine, I took some earlier.” Regulus said.
“Okay, but let me know if it gets worse.” Regulus nodded in response, but was not planning to follow through on that.

When Regulus opened the door to the theatre, he immediately wished he hadn’t. It was traumatizing. Stood in front of him, making out with his older brother was none other than Remus Lupin. He couldn’t say he was surprised, but part of him had thought Sirius might have told him.

James also didn’t seem to expect to walk in on Remus and Sirius kissing. The smile that had already been on his face only grew as he picked up Regulus, swung him around and yelled “They did it! They finally did it!”
“Put me down.” Regulus complained. To Regulus’ surprise, James actually listened and instead of swinging Regulus around, he picked Sirius up and swung him. Remus stood there, his face bright red, while James and Sirius laughed together.

“When did this happen?” James asked when he was finally done celebrating.
“Last night.” Sirius replied, unable to keep the smile from his face.
“And you didn’t tell me!” James tackled Sirius to the ground as he shouted “I saw you several times today!”
“None of those times were the right time.” Sirius laughed as he tried and failed to push James off of him. James looked up to Regulus and asked “Did you know?”
“Sirius doesn’t tell me anything.”
“I tell you things.” Sirius protested from the ground.
“Sure you do.” Regulus said sarcastically. Remus, who must’ve sensed a fight was coming, said “We haven’t told anyone yet.”

“We’re the first to know?!” James asked as he got up and wrapped Remus in a hug. “Ya, it’s not like I purposely left you out of it Regulus.” Sirius said as he stood back up. “Then when were you going to tell me?” Regulus asked.
“When it came up.” Sirius replied.
“Sure.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

Regulus didn’t believe Sirius. Sirius never told him anything. He didn’t care to. Sirius had stopped telling Regulus things the second James came around. It was as if he was waiting to find someone else. As if Regulus was a ‘for now’ until he found someone better. Someone cooler. Someone nicer. Someone like James. Sirius forgot all about Regulus, James was the shiny new toy, and Regulus was left at the back of his closet to never be seen again.

“Why are you in such a mood tonight?” Sirius asked.
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m not.”
“You a-”
“Stop. This is a happy moment, let’s not turn it into a fight.” James said as he gave Sirius a warning look. “I’m not the one turning it into a fight, he is.” Sirius complained.
“I didn’t do anything.” Regulus argued.
“Why can’t you just be happy for me? Why can’t you take two minutes to think about someone other than yourself? All you do is criticize me, and I’m sick of it. I just got into a relationship with a boy I really like, and all you have to say is that I never tell you anything? Fuck you Regulus.”

Before Regulus could reply, James grabbed Sirius by the arm and dragged him outside, which left just Remus and Regulus in the theatre. “If it helps, he was really excited to tell you.” Remus said after a minute of awkward silence.
“I’m sure he was.” Regulus replied sarcastically. Regulus could tell Remus wanted to say more, but held himself back. Regulus, who also didn’t feel like talking, sat against the wall and closed his eyes.

*************

When James and Sirius finally got back play rehearsal was practically over. Regulus got up, and was planning on going back to the cabin, but Sirius had other plans. Before Regulus could leave, Sirius grabbed his arm and said “We need to talk.”
“I have nothing to say to you.” Regulus argued.
“Perfect, you can shut up and listen to what I have to say.”
“I don’t wa-” Regulus started but Sirius put his hand over his mouth and dragged him outside “I thought you had nothing to say.”
“Fuck you.” Regulus said
“Is that it?” Sirius raised an eyebrow
“Actually, no.” Regulus pulled his arm away “Why do you always have to be around me, if all you’re going to do is fight with me. If you don’t like me then stay away from me.”
“Regulus” Sirius said sadly “I do like you. I like being around you. I don’t want to fight with you. I want to get along. I want to tell you things, and I want to feel like you care about me and the things I tell you.”
“Well, I don’t.” Regulus said, and he wanted to believe it.
“You’re a bad liar, and a little shit. I know you care because if you didn’t you wouldn’t have gotten so upset when you found out about Moony and I.”
“I don’t care what you and Lupin get up to.”
“Then why did you get so upset when you found out?” Sirius asked with a smug grin, because he knew he was right and had caught Regulus in a lie.
“Fuck off.” Regulus said as he started to walk away.
“Wait Regulus” Sirius said as he followed Regulus “I’m just giving you a hard time. You know I care how you feel.”
“Do I?” Regulus asked sarcastically
“Now we’re just going in circles.”
“Then go away.”
“No.” Sirius said as he grabbed Regulus’ wrist “Talk to me. Yell at me. Tell me how you feel. Then I’ll talk to you and tell you how I feel. We can communicate, it works wonders according to James.”
“Fuck James.” Regulus said as he tried and failed to free his hand from Sirius’ grasp.
“Can you just talk to me.” Sirius said as he rolled his eyes.
“No.”

With the hand that wasn’t grabbing Regulus’ wrist, Sirius reached up and started to move Regulus’ jaw “Oh big brother of mine, I’m sorry all I do is push you away. I do love you.” Sirius said in a terrible impression of Regulus. Regulus swatted his hand away and said “Fuck off.”
“No. Now talk to me.” Sirius said.
“No.”
“Regulus, I’m trying to be the bigger person here.”
“Want a medal?”

Regulus decided he was tired of going in circles with Sirius and started back towards his cabin. “Don’t walk away from me Regulus.” Sirius said as he followed. Regulus had thought they had been alone, but when he turned the corner Snape, Avery and Mulciber stood there laughing. “Ya ******* don’t walk away from him.” Snape laughed. Regulus ignored Snape as he continued to walk away. Sirius on the other hand, did not “Don’t call him that.”
“Why not? That's his name isn’t it?” Snape taunted.
“Fuck you.” Sirius spat and shoved Snape. Regulus stopped walking to grab Sirius’ wrist “Stop,” he tried to drag Sirius away “it’s not worth it.”
“No,” Sirius refused to move, “I’m not going to let him talk to you like that.”
“He can’t talk to me if I’m not listening.” Regulus said as he tried and failed to drag Sirius away. “C’mon Black, listen to your baby sister.” Avery laughed. At this, Sirius broke out of Regulus’ grip and punched Avery in the face.

Before Regulus could grab Sirius again and drag him away Snape returned Sirius’ punch. Regulus tried to get to Sirius, but Mulciber grabbed him before he could. All Regulus could do was watch as Avery recovered and tackled Sirius to the ground. Avery pinned his arms down and Snape kicked him in the head. Sirius tried desperately to get his arms free of Avery, but couldn’t. Snape started to kick harder as Regulus yelled at him to stop.

Suddenly, Regulus was a kid, and their father was holding him back while their mother hit Sirius. He was that little kid who could do nothing but scream and beg for them to stop. It was moments like this where if Regulus was anyone else, his adrenaline would kick in and he would break free. He would free Sirius and they would be okay. However, Regulus wasn’t anyone else. He was Regulus Black and he was weak. He was Regulus Black and he was scared. He was Regulus Black and he was useless.

“Sirius!” he screamed. There was blood all over Sirius’ face. His hair was covered in it, and Regulus only screamed harder when Sirius didn’t make a joke about how he refused to have a bad hair day. Sirius didn’t say anything. That was when Regulus really lost it. Sirius wasn’t moving. Sirius wasn’t moving and Regulus couldn’t breathe. He already lost Sirius once, he couldn’t lose him again.

Regulus fought as hard as he could, but he couldn't get out of Mucliber’s grasp. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted all of it to stop, but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t do anything and- and he felt really nauseous. “Let go.” Regulus choked out, but Mulciber just laughed. “Seriously.” Regulus said before he threw up on both himself and Mulciber. “Ew!” Mulciber was no longer laughing “Fuck!”
“I told you to let go.” Regulus said as he tried to use that moment to break free of Mucliber’s grip.

He ran to Sirius, but before he could reach him Avery grabbed his arm “Not yet Black.” he said.
“Stop!” Regulus yelled as he tried and failed to get out of Avery’s grasp. Mulciber, whose hands and arms were covered in Regulus’ vomit, shouted “******** you bitch!” and walked towards Regulus.

Regulus knew the look on Mucliber’s face all too well. He was angry. He was angry at Regulus. He wanted to hurt Regulus. It was the same look his mother constantly gave him. He braced himself and waited for Mucliber’s impact, but Regulus’ fear wasn’t enough for him. Mulciber grabbed his hair and pulled his head back “Look at me.” Regulus struggled to get out of Avery’s grip but couldn’t. “This is disgusting.” Mucliber said as he wiped his hand which was still covered in vomit off into Regulus’ hair.

Avery shoved Regulus to the ground, kicked him in the face and the three of them walked away laughing. Regulus tried his best to ignore the headache as he got up and ran over to Sirius. “Sirius wake up.” Regulus pleaded, but Sirius didn’t move. Regulus did the first thing he always did after their parents did something like this; he listened to Sirius’ breathing. There was always a moment before Regulus bent down, where he didn’t know if Sirius would be breathing. These moments were the scariest moments of his life.

As much as Regulus argued with Sirius and told him he hated him, he didn’t know what he would do without him. Sirius was his rock. He was the only one who could fully understand Regulus. Growing up together in that house connected them in a way that Regulus often resented, but that didn’t mean it was Sirius he resented. He needed Sirius.

“Sirius wake up.” Regulus cried as he shook Sirius. When Sirius still didn't move, Regulus screamed “Help me!” but nobody came. Regulus didn’t know what to do, he wasn’t the kind of person who could fix things. He made things worse not better.

Regulus pulled out his phone and called James. “Hey,” James answered on the first ring “what’s up?”
“James.” Regulus cried into the phone.
“What’s wrong? Where are you?” James asked, in the background, Regulus could hear a door shut. “Sirius. He needs you.” Regulus cried.
“Is he with you? I’m coming, where are you?”
“He’s here, we’re by the tennis court. James, I don't know what to do.”
“Can you put Sirius on the phone?”
“No, he-he’s not waking up. I made sure he was breathing, but I couldn't wake him up.” Regulus cried. “What happened?” James asked, and Regulus could tell by the anxious tone in James’ voice that he had only made things worse.

*************

James stayed on the phone with Regulus until he and Dr.Pomfrey showed up. He held Regulus as Dr.Pomfrey examined Sirius. “It’s gonna be okay” James said repeatedly, and Regulus wasn’t sure if he was talking to Regulus or himself.

Dr.Pomfrey followed in James’ reassurance. “We need to get him back to my office.” she said. James nodded and scooped up Sirius. Dr.Pomfrey rubbed Regulus’ back as she helped him get up. Together, the four of them walked to Dr.Pomfrey’s office.

Sirius was still unconscious when they got to Dr.Pomfrey’s office. “What do we do?” James asked as he brushed Sirius’ bloody hair out of his face. “There’s not much we can do right now. We just have to wait until he wakes up.”
“Can’t you wake him up now?” Regulus asked. He knew it was dumb. He knew Dr.Pomfrey couldn’t, but he didn’t care. He wanted Sirius back. “No sweetheart, I can’t.” Regulus leaned his head on Sirius’ chest and listened to his heartbeat. It was something he did often as a kid. Whenever their parents would punish Sirius to the point of unconsciousness Regulus would lay there and listen to his heartbeat. It always felt like Sirius’ way of promising everything would be okay when he wasn’t able to say the actual words.

“Why don’t you take a shower? Get your mind off Sirius.” Dr.Pomfrey suggested.
“What are you trying to say?” Regulus attempted to joke.
“I don’t think he should be alone.” James said, ignoring Regulus’ sarcasm.
“Why? What am I going to do?” Regulus asked.
“I don’t think you’re going to do anything, but I don’t want you to be left alone in your head.”
“I need to shower, and you’re not watching me do it.” Regulus said for the sake of arguing with James. For the sake of something familiar. For the sake of something comforting. “I never said that.”
“Then what did you say?” Regulus crossed his arms and looked up at James.
“I said I’m worried about you and I don’t want you to freak yourself out even more. Trust me, I know what it is like to be trapped with all your negative thoughts.” James replied.
“I'll be fine.” Regulus argued.

Before James could respond Dr.Pomfrey asked “Regulus are you wearing a shirt under that?”
“Yes, why?” Regulus asked.
“James is right, you shouldn’t be alone right now. Take your sweater off and then just wash the vomit out of your hair. You can use the shower in my cabin so you don’t wake up your campers.” Dr.Pomfrey said as she handed James a key.
“I don’t want to leave Sirius.” Regulus argued.
“I know, but I think you need to distract yourself until he wakes up.”
“No I don’t.” Regulus argued even though he knew Dr.Pomfrey was right.
“Well, James needs a distraction.” Dr.Pomfrey replied. Regulus looked at James and he could see in James’ eyes that Dr.Pomfrey was right. He was trying to hide it, but James was worried. James always fixed things, but he couldn’t fix this, and Regulus could see it was killing him. “Okay, but you promise to come get us if Sirius wakes up?”
“I promise.”
“Okay, c’mon James.” Regulus said as he gently grabbed James’ wrist and started walking in the direction of Dr.Pomfrey’s cabin.

In Dr.Pomfrey’s bathroom, Regulus ripped off his sweater and splashed his face with water. “Can I help?” James asked. Regulus was about to give a sarcastic remark about how he could wash his own hair when he remembered what Dr.Pomfrey said. James needed a distraction, and for that reason and that reason only, he said “Sure”.

James turned on the handheld showerhead and started to play with the temperature. Regulus looked at his face in the mirror and observed the bruise that was forming on his face, but before he could get too lost in his head James said “Come here and tell me if this is warm enough for you.”.

When Regulus put his hand under the water it was much colder than his usual shower. The water didn’t hurt when it touched his skin. “That’s fine” Regulus replied. Dr.Pomfrey’s shower was one of the showers that was also a bath; as James leaned against it he said “Put your head back.”. Regulus listened, he tilted his head back so he was looking James right in the eye. “You don’t have to do this, my hair is really gross right now.” Regulus said.
“That’s why I’m washing it.” James grinned. Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Fine, but it’s okay if you change your mind.”
“I won’t.” James said as he directed the water into Regulus’ hair.

James worked quietly as he wet Regulus’ hair and started to put shampoo in “This is so embarrassing.” Regulus admitted.
“Why?” James asked
“I’m a grown adult and I’m sitting here making you wash my hair.”
“You’re not making me do anything, and you’re only 18.”
“18 is an adult.”
“Barley.”
“Now you sound like Dr.Pomfrey.” Regulus said and James laughed. Then James looked at Regulus. Really looked at him. Regulus liked to think he was good at reading people, but he didn’t understand the look in James’ eyes. “What?” he asked.
“Will you still talk to me when this summer ends?” James asked, but by the cautious look on James’ face, Regulus had a feeling that it was something else he had wanted to ask. “You don’t want that.” Regulus told him. James looked upset by this
“Of course I do.”
“You’re just saying that.” Regulus said as James finished washing the shampoo out of his hair and grabbed some conditioner. “No I’m not. I wouldn’t have brought this up if I didn’t mean it.” This, Regulus did believe. James would never play with someone like that, it wasn’t who he was. “If you really want, then I will.” Regulus said.
“Thank you.” James replied. He looked like he wanted to say more but held back, and Regulus didn’t want to push it.

“Okay, you’re done.” James said as he went to turn off the water. Regulus sat up slowly as he tried to hide how much pain he was in. Clearly, he didn’t do a good job of it because James asked “What hurts?”
“Nothing, I’m fine.”
“What hurts?” James asked again.
“Just my head, but that always hurts.” Regulus said as he tried to show James he was fine by standing up. James clearly didn’t believe Regulus was fine because he held out his arms to steady Regulus. “Let’s go.” Regulus said after he regained his balance.

On the walk back to Dr.Pomfrey’s office Regulus held his arms to his chest. He had thrown away the sweater he had been wearing because he knew when he looked at it he would remember this night. Years ago, he had tried to keep the clothes that held memories of his and Sirius’ pain, but the sight of them would ruin his week years later.

Regulus looked forwards, he told himself it was only a few minutes until he would be warm again in Dr.Pomfrey’s office when he felt something soft on his back. Regulus looked over to James who had put his sweater over Regulus’ shoulders. “No.” Regulus told him. “You’re cold, I’m not.” James said as if it was that simple. Regulus tried to push the sweater off, but James just put it back into place. They went in circles like this until James grabbed Regulus and zipped up the sweater. He then held onto Regulus’ arms so he couldn’t take the sweater off. “Warmer?” James asked.
“Fuck you.” Regulus replied. James must’ve known that Regulus would take the sweater off the second he could, because he held onto Regulus’ arms for the rest of the walk back.

When they got back to Dr.Pomfrey’s office, Sirius was awake. James immediately ran to him and wrapped him in a hug “I’m okay.” Sirius said, James didn’t respond, he just squeezed tighter.

When James finally let go Regulus walked up to Sirius and wrapped his arms around Sirius. “You’re an idiot.” Regulus stated as he clung to Sirius.
“I love you too.” Sirius replied.
“You need a shower.” Regulus said back.
“Tell me how you really feel.” Sirius said teasingly.
“Shut up.” Regulus said as he rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

Maybe it wasn’t fair that Regulus was upset with Sirius. Maybe it wasn’t fair that he was mad that Sirius could never leave well enough alone. Maybe his anger was misplaced, but when was anything ever fair? Regulus was angry with Sirius. He told him to stop and he didn’t. He always told Sirius to stop, and he never listened. Sirius pushed and pushed, it was like a game to him. Their whole lives he had to have the last word, and he never learned that sometimes having the last word wasn’t worth it. Sometimes it’s okay to block it out. Sometimes the better thing to do is shut down.

When Regulus finally let go of Sirius, he was also covered in his blood “I just showered” he told him.
“You stole my sweater, I covered you in my blood. Now we’re even.” Sirius replied.

Regulus grabbed Sirius’ wrist and started walking to the bathroom where he turned the sink on. He made sure the water was as cold as it could be before shoving Sirius’ head into the sink. “It’s too col-” Sirius started
“Shhhh.” Regulus said as he shoved his head deeper into the sink and started to run his hands through his brother’s hair. “Regulus stop.” Sirius complained as he tried to push himself away from the sink. “No.” Regulus told him as he continued to wash the blood out of his hair. “Maybe we should be a little gentler?” James suggested as he lightly pulled Regulus away from Sirius. “You nearly drowned me.” Sirius complained as strands of soaking wet hair stuck to his face. “No I didn’t, you were fine.” Regulus told him. Sirius looked to James who said “Why don’t I finish washing your hair?”. James made the water warmer before he helped Sirius lean his head back into the sink.

Once James was finished Regulus asked. “Can we leave or do you need to do more with Sirius.”
“No, you can go, but please be careful.”

Regulus nodded, grabbed Sirius’ wrist and started in the direction of his cabin. “Where are we going?” Sirius asked.
“My cabin.”
“Why?”
“James is worried about you. He doesn’t want to leave you.”
“Prongs?”
“I mean ya. I am worried.” James admitted.
“Reg, why are you being all weird?”
“Because I’m mad at you, but I also think if I let you go you’ll get yourself killed.”
“Why are you mad at me?” Sirius asked, he had the audacity to be surprised.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now. I want to go to bed.”
“You can’t just tell me you’re mad at me and then not tell me why.” Sirius argued.
“Yes I can. Now shut up, I don’t want you to wake the boys up.” Regulus said as he opened the door to the cabin.

Regulus brought Sirius to James’ bed and whispered “Stay here. I’m going to bed.” and left to get his pyjamas. He could feel Sirius’ and James’ eyes on him, but he didn’t care. “Why is he being like this?” Regulus heard Sirius whisper.
“I don’t know.” James whispered back. Regulus went into the bathroom, changed and laid in his bed. He stared at the wall with no intention of sleeping and listened to James and Sirius try to figure out why he was upset. When James and Sirius finally went to sleep, Regulus spent the next several hours staring at the walls as he replayed the night in his head over and over.

Chapter Text

TW:
Abuse (from parents and partners)
ED (Regulus not wanting to eat and also Sirius hinting at his experience with and ED)

Tuesday

Regulus had spent the night staring at the wall. When he checked the time and saw that James’s alarm would go off in about 20 minutes, he got out of bed and started to quietly look through his backpack. Apparently, he was not quiet enough, because in the background, Regulus could hear someone getting out of bed. “You’re up early.” James said from behind him. “So are you.” Regulus replied, he refused to even take a glance at James.
“Is everything okay?” James asked.
“Yes.” Regulus still refused to look at him. He didn’t know how bad his face looked, and he didn’t want James to know either. “Okay? Can I help you find something?” James asked as he sat down beside Regulus. “No.” Regulus told him.
“Can you look at me?” James asked.

When Regulus didn’t reply James touched Regulus’ face and gently tilted it towards him. Regulus didn’t expect this, so he didn’t have time to move away. James looked at Regulus, and it was clear he was looking at the bruises on his face. “Don’t worry, I’m going to fix it.” Regulus said as he pulled the concealer he had been looking for out of his backpack and started towards the bathroom.

“Wait, Regulus.” James whispered as he followed.
“What?”
“Are you okay?”
“You already asked me that.”
“You never get up this early.” James said as if that were an answer.
“There’s a first time for everything.” Regulus said as he walked into the bathroom. James grabbed Regulus’ arm and spun him around “Talk to me.” he said. Regulus pulled his arm away and said “I am talking to you.”
“Ha ha.” James whispered, “I’m worried about you.” Regulus looked up at James and whispered “Then stop worrying.”.

Before James could say anything Regulus walked to the mirror and started to put concealer on the bruises. His face looked worse than he thought. Under his right eye was a huge purple bruise that went almost below his nose. If someone asked, Regulus planned to say it looked worse than it was, but that would be a lie. It really hurt.

“You look tired.” James said.
“Thanks.” Regulus scoffed.
“Can you talk to me please, like actually talk to me?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Regulus whispered stubbornly while he started to blend the concealer into his skin. “Yes, you do.” James grabbed Regulus’ shoulders and faced Regulus towards him. “I’m in the middle of something.” Regulus stated. James took the concealer from Regulus’ hand, put it on the counter and walked him outside.

“Hey!” Regulus said when they were outside.
“Can we talk about last night.”
“I have nothing to say.”
“Sirius is worried about you.”
“Sirius needs to mind his own business.” Regulus said as he tried to go back into the cabin, but before he could James grabbed his wrist. “No. Sirius is worried about you. I’m worried about you. You need to talk about it.”
“I don’t need to do anything.” Regulus said as he tried to pull his arm away When he realized he wasn’t strong enough he said “James let go.”
“No.” James replied. Regulus kept pulling, but he couldn’t get his arm back. No matter how hard he pulled, James was stronger.

He was always stronger, Regulus couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t control what would happen to him. He could ask for it to be over, but it was only over when he said. He could hurt Regulus, and Regulus could do nothing but wait for it to end. He could touch Regulus, and Regulus could do nothing but wait for it to end. He could take whatever he wanted from Regulus, and Regulus could do nothing but wait for it to end.

Regulus tried to remind himself that James was different, but all he could think about was how James was still stronger. “Let go!” Regulus yelled. Something in Regulus’ tone must’ve changed because James let go immediately. Regulus ran back into the cabin, finished covering the bruises on his face and went back into his bed to act as if none of that happened.

When James came back into the cabin, he left Regulus alone. Ten minutes later when James’ alarm went off, he didn’t touch Regulus as he pretended to wake him up. From across the room, Sirius groaned. Regulus got out of bed for the second time and sat down on James’ bed next to Sirius. “Wake up.” Regulus said as he pulled the covers off Sirius’ face.

Sirius looked worse than he had the previous night. It was as if his body had been in survival mode that whole night, and only when Sirius slept could it catch up to the damage that Snape and his friends caused. “I’m sleeping.” Sirius complained as he closed his eyes. Regulus, being the annoying little brother he was, pried Sirius’ eyes open until Sirius finally gave in and sat up.

Sirius leaned against Regulus as he ran his hand through Regulus’ hair. “How are you?” Sirius asked.
“Fine. You’re messing up my hair.” Regulus complained.
“You look tired.” Sirius said.
“Thanks, you don’t look so great yourself.” Regulus said as he started to get up.
“Regulus no” Sirius grabbed his wrist “I’m worried about you.”
“Then stop worrying.”
“No.” Sirius said as he wrapped his arms around Regulus. Regulus made a half-hearted attempt to break free from Sirius’ hug, but couldn’t bring himself to break free of Sirius completely.

***************

Sirius, James and Regulus walked to breakfast in silence. As they walked up the steps to the dining hall Regulus wanted desperately to grab Sirius’ hand, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want Sirius to leave him. Even if it was just for a few hours, he wanted Sirius, no, he needed Sirius.

“Pads, will you eat with us? That way you can talk to Dr.Pomfrey and she can make sure everything is okay.” James asked.
“Yes mum.” Sirius rolled his eyes, but Regulus could tell Sirius liked that James cared enough to be worried about him.

Regulus spent breakfast staring at the bagel that Dr.Pomfrey put in front of him. By the end of breakfast, Regulus still hadn’t touched it “You know I’m not letting you leave until you eat.” Dr.Pomfrey stated. Regulus turned to Sirius, who was sitting right next to him, for help. Instead of helping, Sirius said “You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” Regulus said to both of them.

When Regulus turned his head towards Sirius, Sirius leaned over and wrapped Regulus in a hug. “I know you’re upset, I know your head hurts and I know you feel shitty, but you still have to eat.” Sirius whispered in his ear. Regulus leaned into Sirius as he whispered back “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.” Sirius told him.
“No, I’m not like you Sirius. I can’t.” Regulus stated
“You’re stronger than you think you are.” Sirius said.

Regulus pulled out of the hug and shook his head, “Please just let me go.”
“Just eat half.” Dr.Pomfrey chimed in.
“I can’t.” Regulus said. Sirius looked around and saw that a few of the boys were watching them. “Can I talk to him outside? I promise I’ll bring him back.” Sirius asked Dr.Pomfrey. “Sure.” she replied.

Sirius grabbed Regulus’ wrist and led him towards the doors. When they were outside Sirius said “You’re not like me Regulus, you’re doing better than me. You might not feel like it, but I promise you are.”
“No I’m not.” Regulus said as he fought back tears.
“Regulus, I had to get a Nasogastric tube several times. I was in and out of the hospital that year after I left. You are doing so much better than me.” At this, Regulus started crying. When Sirius wrapped him in a hug Regulus cried “Come back. Please.”
“Regulus?” Sirius pulled away “You know I can’t.”
“Would you, if you could?” Regulus asked
“No” Sirius paused, “but if I could go back, I would force you to come with me. Leave. Be with me.”
“I can’t” Regulus cried “but I need you.”
“You can have me. You do have me. You can leave, you don’t owe our parents anything.”
“I can’t, I’m not brave like you.”
“Yes you are, you just don’t see that part of yourself. You’re so brave, you are the reason I lasted as long as I did in that house. Now let me be the reason you leave.”
“I can’t.” Regulus cried
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to leave. I love Mum and Dad.” as Regulus said that, Sirius’ face changed from worried to angry “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t but I love them, but I can’t just never see them again.” Regulus tried to explain. Sirius was quiet for a long time before he said
“I know you feel like that right now, but that is because you don’t know what parental love is supposed to be like. If you knew how good it could be, how safe you could feel, you wouldn’t want to see them ever again.”
“You don’t understand, I’m not like you.” Regulus tried to explain.
“No, you don’t understand. You don’t know what love looks like, and that’s not your fault, but there are parents out there who actually love their kid-”
“Our parents do love us.” Regulus interrupted.
“Parents like Effie and Monty.” Sirius continued “They can love you like our parents won’t, they did for me.”
“They’re not my parents, and they’re not your parents. Come home.” Regulus pleaded. Sirius’ eyes were watery as he said “That’s not my home. Effie and Monty are my parents. James is my brother. I’m not going back there. You can leave, you can be happy with us, but I’m not going back.” Sirius wiped away the tears that had fallen “Now, we’re going to go back in there and you’re going to eat your fucking bagel and we’re both going to forget you ever said that.” Sirius said as he grabbed Regulus’ wrist and led him back inside.

Regulus quickly wiped his tears before Sirius opened the door. When Regulus sat down, he ate the bagel. Sirius wouldn’t look at him.

James waited until the boys were caught up in their first activity of the day, tennis, before he asked “Want to talk about what happened outside the dining hall?”
“I’m sure you’ll hear all about it later.” Regulus said.
“I want to hear it from you too.”
“I want to get out of this conversation, but we can’t all get what we want James.” James looked sad “You know I didn’t mean it like that. I was just saying that if you want to talk to someone I’m here. Whatever you tell me stays between us.”
“I don’t want to talk about this with you.”
“Will you talk about it with someone else?”
“No.”
“I think you should.”
“I think this is none of your business.”
“My friend is upset, I consider that to be my business.”
“I can’t control Sirius’ emotions.” Regulus said. James looked surprised
“Regulus, I was talking about you.”
“Oh” that hadn’t even crossed Regulus’ mind. He always assumed he was the villain and Sirius was the hero in James’ eyes. He didn’t think that the summer would change that. He thought if anything, James would hate Regulus even more after the summer. That’s what happened to everyone else who got too close to Regulus.

“Maybe you should talk to Sirius first, you might not want anything to do with me after you hear what I said.” Regulus tried to not let himself get too attached to the idea of James caring about him. “I don’t think that’s true. Maybe I’ll be upset, but it probably won’t be with you.”
“Are you telling me that I don’t have to take any responsibility for the things I say and do?” Regulus tried to joke.
“No, I’m telling you that a lot of things have happened to you that aren’t your fault, and sometimes that can cause you to do something out of character, but that isn’t you.”
“I’m not Sirius. Sirius is an idiot, what he did to Remus was wrong, but he felt bad about it. I don’t feel bad about what I said.”
“Then why are you still thinking about it?”
“I’m not.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Oh no.” Regulus said sarcastically.

They sat in silence for a minute before James asked “Regulus, can I give you a hug?”
“No.” Regulus said, but braced himself for James to hug him. When James didn’t hug him Regulus turned his head in confusion. “What?” James asked.
“Nothing.” Regulus lied.
“I’m not going to touch you if you tell me not to.” James said as if it were obvious. Regulus didn’t know what to say to that, so he said nothing.

***************

That night, it was like evening program set out to torture Regulus. He knew it was going to be bad when McGonagall started “You have spent the whole summer listening to your counsellors” Regulus wasn’t sure how accurate that statement was “so tonight we are going to switch it up. Your counsellors are going to have to listen to you.” Regulus looked to James who said, “We did this one last summer, it’s really fun.” Regulus doubted that.

McGonagall went on to explain that the counsellors would be blindfolded and guided through an obstacle course by their campers. “This doesn’t sound fun.” Regulus complained to James who just laughed and shook his head “It’ll be fun I promise.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Oh no.” James joked. Regulus rolled his eyes and looked to Pandora, who also looked excited. “Don’t worry Regulus, I won’t let you get hurt.” James said as he put his arm around Regulus. “I think you have enough excitement and energy for the both of us. Maybe I don’t even need to participate.” Regulus said, he didn’t lean into James, but he also didn’t pull away like he probably should have. “Do you really not want to do this, because I can talk to McGonagall if you’re not feeling good.”

Regulus shook his head and leaned into James “I’m fine. Stop worrying so much.”
“I have to worry, I never know what’s going on in that head of yours.” James said as he hugged Regulus.

That was how Regulus ended up blindfolded and tied to James Potter. They sat back to back with their arms entangled; the first part of the obstacle should’ve been easy, they just had to stand up. This however was not easy, on the first try, James pushed against Regulus with a lot more force than Regulus pushed against James which caused Regulus to fall face-first into the grass. “Sorry.” James said as he tried to help Regulus up, which was pretty hard given the fact that he was tied to him. The second time they did the opposite, causing James to fall face-first into the grass “I feel like you did that on purpose.” James joked.

It took a few more tries before they were able to stand up. Once they were standing McGonagall came and un-tied them, only to tie James’ right foot to Regulus’ left one. “How are you doing Reg?” James asked as he wrapped his arms around Regulus. “Okay.” Regulus replied.

For the next part of the obstacle course Regulus and James had to go to different parts of the camp and collect a piece of paper from each place. It took a minute, but once Regulus and James got the hang of it, they were able to move pretty quick. The boys shouted things like “Go faster” the whole way.

The last part of the obstacle course was a puzzle. Regulus didn’t know how big the puzzle was, but he knew it was big enough that it took him and James a half hour to solve. The boys spent the entire time yelling over each other about what piece went where and to go faster. By the time Regulus and James solved the puzzle they were too late, Pandora and Lily had already won.

The boys complained the entire walk back to the cabin. They were adamant that they would never listen to James and Regulus ever again. James laughed as he apologized over and over. Regulus thought about how he really didn’t want to see Sirius, but at the same time, he desperately wanted to be with his older brother.

On the walk to the theater, James told Regulus “It’s going to be okay.”
“What?” Regulus asked
“Whatever you're worried about. It’s going to be okay.”
“Thanks.” Regulus said, and thankfully James got the message that he didn’t want to talk.

Sirius refused to acknowledge Regulus the entire time. However, the play was on Sunday and they were nowhere close to ready, which meant Sirius couldn’t leave or kick Regulus out. Regulus found it a little humorous that Sirius forced Regulus to be in the stupid play, and didn’t think about how he couldn’t stand to be around Regulus. There were a few times when James tried to interject and single-handedly mend the relationship between the Black brothers. Regulus admired his naivety.

“All right, I think that’s enough for one night.” Remus stated a few hours later “Good job everyone.”. James immediately jumped off the stage and ran to Sirius
“I missed you.” he said as he wrapped his arms around Sirius.
“You’ve spent the last 3 and a half hours with me.” Sirius laughed as he hugged James back. “Not really.” James said as he rested his head on Sirius’ shoulder.

Regulus didn’t even get to the door before James turned around and asked “Where are you going?”
“The cabin.” Regulus responded
“Alone?”
“I’ll be fine.” Regulus knew where this was going.
“Let us walk you back.” James started towards Regulus but Sirius stopped him
“He doesn’t want your help. He’ll only spend the next few days complaining about how he hates you.”
“I’d rather that than he get hurt, and I know you would too.”
“Fine, you go, I’m done helping him.”
“You don’t mean that.” James said then looked at Regulus and said “He doesn’t mean that.”
“I don’t care whether or not he means it.” Regulus lied as he opened the door and walked out of the theatre.

James followed Regulus the whole way back to the cabin, but was smart enough to not say anything. When Regulus opened the front door James said “I’m going to talk to Sirius, will you be okay here?”
“I don’t care what you do James.” Regulus said and closed the door in James’ face.

Regulus put his pyjamas on, made sure the boys were all asleep before he took the concealer off his face, brushed his teeth and went to bed. He put in headphones and set an alarm for ten minutes before James’ alarm. Since he hadn’t slept at all the night before, he fell asleep right away.

Wednesday

When Regulus heard his alarm go off, he almost turned it off and went back to sleep; then he remembered why he set it in the first place. Reluctantly, he got up and went to cover the bruises on his face.

He thought he had been quiet when he got up, but he must not have been quiet enough; for the second morning in a row, James appeared behind him in the mirror. “Everything okay?” James asked.
“Everything’s fine.”
“Can I see?”
“You see my face every day.” Regulus told him. He’d hoped that James would take the hint and leave him alone but instead, James asked “Can I just see how bad it is? I know I didn’t see it all yesterday.”
“You don’t need to see it all. I just told you it’s fine, or do you not trust me?” Regulus asked, he knew it was mean, but he was mean. “Don’t do that.”
“What? All I did was ask you a question.” Regulus said with face innocence.
“You know I trust you, but I also worry about you.”
“I think you just worry about me.” Regulus said as he turned and left. He got back under his covers and pretended to be asleep. When James’ alarm went off, he pretended to wake Regulus up. Regulus and James didn’t talk the whole walk to the dining hall or the walk back.

It was at their first activity when James broke the silence. The boys were high up on a ropes course, blissfully unaware of what James and Regulus were up to. “I talked to Sirius last night.” James said.
“Was I right?” Regulus asked, he tried hard to convince himself he didn’t care about James’ answer. “No.” James paused “I think it’s unfair of you to tell Sirius to go back to that house, but I don’t blame you, I blame your parents.” James stated. “But I need you to know, my family is his family.”
“My parents didn’t tell me to say that, so you should blame me. Actually, they told me to stay away from Sirius. Technically, I managed to both disobey my parents and upset Sirius.” James smiled at this. Of all the reactions he had expected James to have, he never expected him to smile “Your parents told you not to talk to Sirius?”.
“Yes. Why is that funny to you?”
“Because you’re talking to him.”
“I think you missed the part about how I upset him.” Regulus stated.
“But you’re trying.” James looked so excited that Regulus felt bad.
“Sirius is trying. I keep telling him to go away.”
“Regulus,” James laughed “I know you. If you want something, you get it. If you wanted Sirius to leave you alone, you would make him.”
“Sirius is persistent.” Regulus argued
“Bullshit. If you really wanted Sirius to leave you alone you would make him. I haven’t spent the summer not learning about you. I know that sometimes you pretend you don’t care, even when you do.”
“That’s not true.” Regulus lied, he didn’t think he was that easy to read.
“Okay.” James said with the biggest grin on his face.
“Stop.”
“Stop what?” James asked innocently
“Acting like you won.” Regulus complained. James just laughed and wrapped Regulus in a hug.

****************

Regulus avoided James as much as he possibly could without the boys thinking something was wrong. He hated that James was right, he hated even more that James knew he was right. It was almost time for dinner and James was still packing his stuff for his day off. Regulus sat on his bed where he occasionally, and annoyingly, yelled out something that James had forgotten to pack. It was his way of showing James that he knew everything and James knew nothing. Maybe it was immature, but Regulus didn’t care.

Sirius barged in and yelled “Prongs!”
“What?” James looked up, worried.
“You’re not packed.”
“I’m almost done.” James said as he shoved more stuff into his bag.
“We have a big night of partying ahead of us, there is no time to waste!” Sirius complained dramatically. Regulus rolled his eyes. Sirius rolled his eyes back “What’s your problem?” he asked.
“You.” Regulus responded.
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you.”
“Hey.” James stepped in between the two “First of all, not in front of the kids, but more importantly, be nice.”
“No.” Sirius and Regulus said in unison.

James walked to Sirius, grabbed his arm and dragged him to his bed “Sit and behave.” James ordered.
“Why me? Regulus started it.”Sirius asked, appalled.
“No I didn’t.” Regulus protested.
“Both of you be quiet unless you have something nice to say.” Surprisingly, Sirius went quiet. Regulus, on the other hand, wanted to test James “Sirius sucks” he said. Sirius looked very offended as he looked up at James and pointed at Regulus. “That wasn’t nice.” James said as he walked towards Regulus.
“What are you going to do about it?” Regulus tested.
“Nothing if you apologize.” James replied as he grabbed Regulus’ wrist and brought him to Sirius. “But I’m not sorry.” Regulus said with a smile on his face.

James lifted his arm and Regulus flinched. James’ smile immediately disappeared “Regulus” his eyes started to water “I was going to mess up your hair, I would never hurt you.”
“I know, I’m sorry I don’t know why I did that.” Regulus said, embarrassed.
“Don’t apologize. I should apologize. What did I do to make you think I would hurt you?”
“Nothing.” Regulus had never meant anything as much as he meant this “I promise. I just do that sometimes. It’s not you, it’s me.”

Sirius had gotten up and put his arm around Regulus “Guys we really don’t need to make a big deal out of this.” Regulus said.
“That feeling can go away Regulus.” Sirius replied as he hugged Regulus.
“Guys I’m fine.” Regulus protested.
“Can I give you a hug?” James asked.
“If that will make you leave this alone.” Regulus agrees, but apparently, that wasn’t what James was looking for. “Don’t say yes because you think it will be easier. Say yes because you want to.”
“I want you to leave this alone. I’m fine. I didn’t mean to flinch, it just happened and it isn’t your fault.”
“Okay.” James said. It didn’t look like he wanted to leave it alone, but he did.

Ten minutes later James had finished packing. “I’ll be back before dinner tomorrow.”
“You don’t have to do that.” Regulus said. Since Regulus' day off was directly after James’ and the typical day off went from before dinner to after dinner one of them would miss out on a couple hours. Regulus really didn’t mind leaving camp a little later, but James was insistent that wasn’t fair. “But I’m going to anyways.”
“Fuck off.” Regulus said with a smile and pushed James out the door.
“By boys!” James yelled before Regulus could shut the door.

***************

Unlike the previous night, Regulus did not have to participate in evening program. He was talking to Pandora when Narcissa walked up to him “Your mum is mad at you. You need to be careful.”
“What do you mean?” Regulus asked, surprised Narcissa had even come up to talk to him. “She heard about what happened with Snape, Mulciber and Avery and she’s embarrassed.” Narcissa explained. Before Regulus could say anything Pandora asked
“What happened with Snape, Mulciber and Avery?”
“Nothing.” Regulus said to Pandora then looked to Narcissa and confirmed “And she thinks it’s my fault.” Narcissa sighed
“Yes. She said it wouldn’t have happened if you avoided Sirius because that boy is a magnet for trouble.” Narcissa said and did a scarily good impression of Walburga.
“What happened with Snape, Mulciber and Avery?” Pandora asked again.
“Nothing.” Regulus told her then asked Narcissa “Why are you telling me this?”
“So you’re prepared. When my father is upset with me, I like to know about it before he finds me.” Narcissa replied as if it were obvious.

Regulus never knew where he stood with Narcissa. He liked her, she was one of the better family members, although there wasn’t much competition. He just didn’t know if she liked him. One thing about the Noble House of Black is that everyone always had an ulterior motive. Sometimes it was obvious, sometimes it wasn’t. Narcissa and Regulus often stayed out of each other's way, which was why he liked her; but that was why this was so strange. Regulus didn’t know what Narcissa got out of telling Regulus this. For all he knew, his mother had asked her to tell him this to see how he would react.

“Fine, I’m telling you this because if the opportunity comes up, I want you to return the favour. I want to know what they are saying about me.” Narcissa said as if she had read Regulus’ mind. “You do?” Regulus asked, surprised. Regulus always felt the less he knew the better.
“Yes, but I wanted to tell you regardless. You’re one of the more tolerable people in this family.” Narcissa paused for a moment before she continued “I like it when you’re on my side.” she finished.
“Deal. I’ll tell you what they say about you.” Regulus said. It was silent for a moment and Narcissa started to walk away when Regulus said “Cissa, I like it when you’re on my side too.” Narcissa smiled as she walked back to Alice and sat down.

Regulus and Narcissa often were on the same side as kids. When their whole family got together, the kids would run off to play games. All except for Bellatrix who thought she was too good for that. Whenever they had to make teams it was always Narcissa and Regulus against Sirius and Andromeda. Maybe that was why when they grew up they knew the best thing they could do was stay out of the other’s way. They couldn’t be too close because Walburga would use that against them the way she did with Regulus and Sirius. Maybe that was why Andromeda and Sirius continued to cling to each other as they got older. They didn’t care what their family would do, they were determined to be stupidly loyal to each other.

“What happened with Snape, Mulciber and Avery?” Pandora asked again.
“Nothing.” Regulus lied again.
“Tell me.” she said. By the look on Pandora’s face, Regulus had a feeling he wasn’t going to get away with not telling her. “They were just being dicks, but it’s fine now.”
“Why was she talking about Sirius?” she asked.
“Sirius was with me when it happened, but everything is fine Pandora.”
“I don’t believe you. There’s more.” Pandora stated.
“They were being mean, Sirius got upset and did what he does and they got into a fight. That’s it, you really don’t need to worry.”
“If that’s it then why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“Because I knew you would worry.”
“Is it so bad that I worry about my friends?”
“No, but I don’t want you to worry if you don’t have to.” Regulus explained.
“Fine.” Pandora said, but Pandora never gave up that easily. She had a look on her face that said ‘I’m going to get the whole story eventually’, but if she was going to stop pressing Regulus, then he wasn’t going to question it.

“So what do you want to do tomorrow night, the usual?” Regulus asked to change the subject. “I guess.” Pandora replied half heartedly and Regulus really hoped that didn’t mean she planned to press him more on their day off.

After Regulus brought the boys back to the cabin he changed into his pajamas and got his script out. He was the one assigned to watch them for the night. Regulus didn’t mind, because his social battery was pretty dead. He loved his friends, but sometimes he needed to be alone, and this was as alone as he was going to get as a camp counsellor. He spent hours reading over his script for the play, and by the time he went to bed, he had memorized most of his lines.

Chapter Text

Hey, long time no update. Sorry about that. What's my excuse this time you ask, well, when you live in the dorms at university, you are never truly alone, and therefore, I have not been working on this fic a lot. On the bright side, first year is almost over and I don't have too much going on this summer, so I hope to work on this fic a lot more during the summer. Thank you to everyone who is still reading and waiting for updates, I promise I have not forgotten you guys :)

P.S
Sorry if this chapter isn't great, I did less editing than usual because unfortunately that was the only way I could get myself to update this

TW
Meantions of abuse

Thursday

When Regulus’ alarm went off in his headphones, nobody followed him to the bathroom. Nobody questioned him as he covered the bruises on his face. Regulus wanted to say that he liked it, after all, that was what he was used to at home, but there was a sense of comfort in James. Regulus’ heart liked the idea that maybe someone could care for him.

When Regulus was done, he got back into his bed and pretended to wake up with everyone else when his next alarm went off. Regulus helped the boys get up and ready for breakfast.

***********

Regulus sat down next to Pandora as the boys went to join their swim groups. “Hi” Regulus said as she leaned her head on his shoulder.
“It’s quiet without them.” Pandora stated.
“It’s nice.”
“Lair” Pandora laughed “You miss James.”
“No, I don’t.” Regulus lied
“You’re different with him.” she said, Regulus had no idea what that meant “Gentile.” Pandora concluded. Regulus thought back to all the times he tried to ice James out, even if that meant he had to be mean “No I’m not” he sighed.
“You don’t see it do you?” Pandora asked.
“See what?” Regulus entertained. Pandora looked right into Regulus’ eyes as she replied, “How are you with him?” Regulus shook his head.
“Pandora I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he wasn’t lying. It was typical for Regulus to play dumb when he didn’t want to talk about something, but in this case, he genuinely didn’t know what Pandora was talking about. “That’s okay.” Pandora smiled “I think everything happens for a reason, and a lot has happened this summer.”

Regulus wondered if he’d hit his head or something because he had no idea what Pandora was talking about. It wasn’t uncommon for her to get philosophical; in fact, philosophy was what she was planning to study in college, but usually, Regulus understood her philosophy.

“What am I not seeing?” Regulus asked. He hated it when he didn’t know something. He was usually the one who knew and it was the other person who felt like an idiot. Regulus didn’t like this role reversal. “If you don’t see it I can’t tell you.” Pandora answered. “What not?” Regulus pressed.
“You won’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
“You’ll figure it out soon enough I’m sure.”
“I hate you.” Regulus complained as Pandora laid her head back onto Regulus’ shoulder “No you don’t.”. Regulus rolled his eyes with a smile, because she was right, he could never hate her.

He spent the rest of the period pondering; there were several times where he wanted to ask Pandora for a hint, but he knew she wouldn’t give it to him. It bothered him that he couldn’t figure it out. James. James. James. ‘What am I not seeing?’ he asked himself.

James was a pretty open person, if Regulus ever wanted to know something, James would tell him. If Regulus wanted something, James would do whatever he needed to give it to him. James, with his beautiful smile and kind eyes. Regulus wondered if it was something Pandora and James had talked about, because apparently they were friends.

“You’re friends with James right?” Regulus asked after he finished counting the boys to make sure they were all there. Pandora laughed “What?” he asked as Pandora kept laughing. “Yes, we’re friends, but I was talking about you and James.”
“What about me and James?”
“I told you, you need to get there on your own.” Regulus rolled his eyes at her.

By the time lunch arrived, Regulus was frustrated with himself, he was good at figuring things out, why couldn’t he figure out what Pandora was talking about? He didn’t think he did anything differently with James. “Penny for your thoughts?” Dr.Pomfrey asked. Regulus wasn’t one to give up information easily, but he had hit a wall, he needed to know. “Do you think I’m different with James?”
“Different how?” Dr.Pomfrey asked.
“That’s the problem, I don’t know.” Regulus complained.
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re talking about.” Dr.Pomfrey admitted. Regulus sighed “Pandora said I’m different with James.”
“I think I’m going to need some context sweetheart.”
“She told me I missed James, I told her I didn’t. Then she said I was different with him and that I don’t see it.” Regulus complained.

Dr.Pomfrey smiled “I think I was once in a situation similar to yours.”
“And?”
“I can’t tell you. You won’t believe it until you come to the realization yourself.” Dr.Pomfrey told him. “You’re just as vague as Pandora.” Regulus complained.
“I am, now keep eating.”

***********

There was about a half hour until Regulus and the boys had to leave for their next activity. Regulus was in bed with his eyes closed, he was trying and failing to sleep through his headache. Regulus flipped over in his bed for what felt like the hundredth time when he heard something fall and someone start crying.

He barely noticed the increased pain in his head as he ran to Lucas, who was on the floor crying. “What happened?” Regulus jumped up and ignored the pain in his head. “I fell” Lucas cried.
“What hurts?” Regulus asked. He was kicking himself for not watching the kids better. James would not have let this happen. “My head.” he cried as Regulus wrapped his arms around him.

“Alright, everyone get your shoes on, we’re going to Dr.Pomfrey’s” Regulus said. The boys all quickly got ready and followed Regulus to Dr.Pomfrey.

After Lucas explained what happened, Dr.Pomfrey asked him a few questions before she said “You’re so brave, I think you’re going to be okay.” Lucas nodded and wiped away the rest of his tears while Regulus asked “Are you sure?”
“Yes, he fell. Kids fall, then they get back up and they’re fine.” Dr.Pomfrey paused and studied Regulus “You look like you don’t believe me.” she said with a smile.
“It was my fault, I wasn’t watching him properly.”
“Regulus, nobody can watch every single one at all times of their campers on their own.”
“I was sleeping.” Regulus admitted.
“You probably needed it. It’s good that you listen to your body.”
“Not really, this wouldn’t have happened if I was paying more attention.”
“Because every time you tell your campers not to do something they listen?”
“No but-”
“Kids fall, Lucas is fine.” Dr.Pomfrey looked at the clock “Now stop arguing with me and go to your next activity.” she said as she lightly pushed Regulus out the door.

**********

Right before Regulus and the kids were about to leave for dinner, James walked in the cabin. All the boys immediately ran up to him, Regulus crossed his arms. James hugged each of the boys individually, telling them how much he missed them before he stood up and opened his arms for Regulus. “Fuck you, I told you not to come back until after dinner.” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“But I missed you.”
“You’re an idiot.” Regulus complained as James closed the gap between them and hugged Regulus. “I’m not leaving until after dinner” Regulus said stubbornly as he hugged James back. “Aww, you missed me too.” Regulus could hear the smile in James’ voice.

Regulus rested his head on James’ shoulder and closed his eyes. James didn’t make any motion to let go, and neither did Regulus. “You okay?” James asked.
“Just tired.” Regulus answered.
“Take a nap.”
“No.” Regulus said.

James bent down, picked Regulus up and brought him to his bed “Take a nap.” he said again. “No” Regulus repeated as he wrapped his arms around James’ neck. James placed Regulus down on his bed and sat on his stomach “James, don’t do this again.” Regulus sighed.
“Then don’t make me do it again.” James said with a smile. Regulus rolled his eyes
“I’m not going to sleep.”

*********

When Regulus woke up Pandora was hitting him with a pillow and there was a bowl of spaghetti next to him. James laughed as Regulus pulled the covers over his head “I thought you weren’t going to sleep” he teased.
“Fuck you.” Regulus complained.
“I don’t want you to leave either.” James said as he crouched down and hugged Regulus.

“I don’t want you to leave either!” Leo shouted as he jumped on top of Regulus and wrapped his arms around him. The rest of the boys followed. “Noooooo” Regulus laughed.

***********

It was a calm rest of the night at Pandora’s cottage. Evan, Barty, Regulus, Dorcas and Pandora spent the night laughing together and binge-watching movies until they passed out on the couch in the early hours of the morning.

Friday

Regulus was the last to wake up, and as a result of that he was stuck with the cold water when he showered. The second he walked out of the bathroom, Pandora grabbed his arm and brought him to an empty room.

“What’s going on?” Regulus asked. Pandora looked upset which made Regulus start to worry. “Why didn’t you tell me about Muciber, Avery and Snape?” she asked.
“What about them?” Regulus tried.
“Don’t do that.” Pandora went from sad to angry “Regulus Black, why didn’t you tell me? You didn’t even hint that something had happened. You could’ve said something happened and you didn’t want to talk about it, but no, you said nothing. Why?”
“There was nothing to tell.” Regulus answered. Pandora laughed
“Nothing? How about, hey Pandora, Avery, Mulciber and Snape attacked my brother and I the other night.”
“Who told you?” Regulus asked.
“No, I’m asking the questions. Why would you not tell me, I could’ve-”
“You could’ve what? There was nothing you could do about it, and I didn’t want you to worry.”
“I could’ve been there for you!”
“You were.” Regulus said.

Pandora grabbed Regulus’ wrist and started towards the bathroom. “What are you doing?” Regulus asked. Before Regulus could figure it out, Pandora had grabbed a towel, wet it and started to rub his face until the concealer came off. “That’s nothing?” Pandora’s eyes started to water. “It looks worse than it is.” Regulus answered.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Pandora asked again.
“I didn’t want you to worry.” Regulus answered.
“Let me worry. I would rather know and worry than not know.” Pandora replied. Regulus didn’t think that was true, there was a lot that went on in his life that Pandora didn’t know about, but Regulus nodded anyway.

“Promise you’ll tell me if something else happens?” Pandora asked.
“Yes.” Regulus said, but he wasn’t sure that was entirely true. He couldn’t tell if Pandora believed him or not as she nodded and said “I’m going to go finish making breakfast with Barty and Evan.

*************

“I can’t believe how quickly this summer is going by.” Pandora said as she cut into her pancake. “It’s not over yet.” Barty laughed.
“As of next week, we only have two more weeks. It feels like just yesterday that we arrived at camp.” Pandora sighed.
“A lot can happen in two weeks.” Dorcas said, she tried and failed to be subtle as she looked at Regulus. “What?” Regulus asked.
“Nothing.” She said with a smile.
“It’s obviously something.” Regulus challenged.
“She’s wondering what’s going to happen with you and Potter when the summer is over.” Barty laughed. Dorcas elbowed him hard as everyone else laughed.
“We’ll go our separate ways.” Regulus said.

It was just then that Regulus realized he hadn’t thought about this at all. He didn’t know what would happen; it would make sense for them to go their separate ways, they weren’t actually friends, but Regulus didn’t want that. He hated to admit that he had grown fond of James over the summer, but James was Sirius’, and Sirius was off limits in the Noble House of Black.

It would be another year before Regulus could even think about Sirius without getting punished. The same would go for James. They would have to go their separate ways, Walburga would make sure of it.

“Do you really think so?” Pandora asked sadly.
“In what world can James and I be friends?” Regulus asked, but part of him wanted to know the answer to this question. Would it be too much to ask to pay a visit to that world? “This one.” Pandora answered.
“You’re funny.” Regulus forced a laugh “Besides, I’m actually quite excited for this summer to end and university to start.” Regulus said, but he couldn’t even convince himself of this.

**************

When Regulus walked back into the cabin, all the boys immediately ran up to hug him, but he could tell by the look on James and Sirius’ faces that there was something he didn’t know. When James walked over and whispered, “Trust us, please” in Regulus’ ear while he hugged him, Regulus knew for sure something was going on. Sirius’ face gave nothing away as Regulus asked, “About what?”. It felt as if James didn’t want to let go as he dug his face into Regulus’ neck. “James? What’s wrong?”
“Can I talk to you for a minute Regulus?” Sirius responded for James.
“Did something happen?” Regulus asked, James was hugging Regulus like he needed it. Like he thought this might be the last hug he got.

Regulus’ first thought was James’ parents, something must have happened, but when he looked at Sirius, Sirius didn’t look sad. In fact, he looked hopeful. “No.” James said as he finally let go. “Let's go outside for a minute.” Sirius said as he gently grabbed Regulus’ wrist and led him outside.

“When will you be back?” Leo asked. Leo knew something was up “Um” Regulus said and looked to Sirius. “Soon.” Sirius said as James picked Leo up and told him everything would be fine.

“You’re scaring me.” Regulus said when Sirius closed the door behind them.
“I want to show you something.” Sirius said, because why would Sirius explain anything he did? “What?” Regulus planted his feet, if Sirius was going to be difficult, so was he.
“Please, just come.”
“Where are we going?”
“The Potter’s” Sirius answered. Regulus hadn’t expected Sirius to actually tell him, so when he opened his mouth to argue, all he could muster was “I’m not allowed to leave camp.” Sirius laughed
“I won’t tell if you don’t.”
“Why are we going to the Potter’s?” Regulus argued.
“I need to show you something.” Sirius answered.
“Show me what?” Regulus complained.
“I wouldn’t be showing it to you if I told you, would I?” Sirius started to drag Regulus down the path. “This is ridiculous, I can’t leave camp, I have campers to take care of.” Regulus argued as he reached forward and messed up Sirius’ hair to annoy him.

Sirius had an unusual amount of patience as he fixed his hair and threw Regulus over his shoulder before he kept walking. “This is kidnapping.” Regulus complained as he kicked his legs. “You’re fine.” Sirius answered. Regulus banged his fists against Sirius in retaliation, “You’re going to hit me harder than that if you want me to even consider letting you go.”

Regulus sighed, he and Sirius both knew that Regulus wouldn’t. Sure, the Black brothers fought, sure they hit each other, but never hard enough to actually hurt. It was an unspoken agreement that they couldn’t be the reason the other was in pain.

Instead, Regulus pushed himself up so his head wasn’t upside down. “I love you.” Sirius teased as he kept walking. “I hate you.” Regulus complained as he messed up Sirius’ hair again. Sirius didn’t stop him.

When they arrived at Sirius’ motorcycle, Sirius finally put Regulus down. Sirius held out a helmet “No” Regulus said “absolutely not.”
“I’ll go slow.” Sirius promised.
“No.” Regulus crossed his arms. Sirius laughed
“I'll call an Uber”. Regulus grabbed the phone out of Sirius’ hand
“Is this one of your pranks? Is that why James knew about it? It’s not funny.” Regulus started to walk away when Sirius grabbed his arm “It’s not a prank. It’s something important.” Sirius said, and in that moment, Regulus knew Sirius wasn’t joking.

Something on his face showed that whatever was about to happen was important. Regulus didn’t complain when he got into the car. He didn’t say anything as Sirius gave the driver the Potter’s address. He didn’t say anything the whole ride. It didn’t bring Regulus any comfort as Sirius looked nervously out the window.

Regulus followed Sirius out of the car and inside the cottage. “Sirius?” Regulus questioned. “I need to show you something.” Sirius repeated.
“You’ve said. What are we doing here?” Regulus asked. Sirius glanced at a closed door down the hall “I love you” he said. Regulus was scared, he hadn’t seen Sirius this scared in years “I love you too.” he replied.

Sirius’ face lit up as he wrapped his arms around Regulus. “Sirius, you’re scaring me.” Regulus said as he hugged Sirius back.
“Before I show you, I want you to know, I’m not forcing anything on you. Obviously I want-” Sirius paused and ran his hands through his hair “I’m not trying to take anything away from you I just-”
“Sirius, I don't know what you’re talking about.” Regulus interrupted.
“Right.” Sirius nodded “Come with me.” Sirius held Regulus’ hand as he walked down the hall to the room he had been glancing at.

When he opened the door, it was Regulus’ room. His bed, his sheets, his books, his desk; but it wasn’t. It was his room a few years ago, before Sirius left. Regulus walked over to the bookshelf; it was organized the way it had been a few years ago. The books Regulus had gotten recently were not there. Regulus looked back out the door, and it was the Potter’s cottage. “What?” Regulus asked, he didn’t know what to say.

“You have a place here,” Sirius started, “and at the Potter’s house. With me, and James. With Effie and Monty.”
“I don’t understand. How did you get my stuff?” Regulus asked. Sirius’ eyes started to water “I bought everything to re-create your room. Please leave them. They don’t deserve you.” Sirius started to cry “You don’t deserve that. I know I might not be much better, and I know I can be a dick sometimes, but I’m trying. Can’t that be enough, I love you and I’m trying. I’m sorry I always piss you off and I never say the right thing and we fight, but I’m trying.”

Regulus started to cry “You are better Sirius. You’re so much better. I’m the one who’s hard to get along with. I shut you out, and I’m mean. I’m the one who’s bad, I don’t try.”
“You’re not bad. You’re only mean because you’ve had to be, but you don’t have to be. You can be with me. Come with me this time” Sirius cried “please”.
“They won’t let me.” Regulus cried.
“They can’t stop you.”
“They won’t let me go that easily Sirius. It’s one thing to lose one kid, but both? They’ll have nobody to carry on their legacy.”
“I don’t care, I’ll fight for you. Leave, and I’ll make sure they can’t hurt you.” Sirius pleaded. “Sirius, you don’t understand. They’ll take me back and lock me up if they have to.”
“You don’t know that.”
“They told me. The first and only time I talked back to them after you left. They told me I can’t leave too.”
“What? Did you try to leave?”
“No.” Regulus laughed “I told them I was breaking up with-” Regulus wiped the tears from his face “with him.”
“Oh.” Sirius said. They were both silent.

“They’re not going to just accept it. Besides, they’re not very happy with me because of the whole Snape, Mulciber and Avery thing.” Regulus said.
“How is that your fault?”
“I was associating myself with you.” Regulus answered as he looked down at the floor.
“That’s-” Sirius looked like he was about to go on an entire rant but paused and said “Regulus, tell me what you want. Not what they want, not what I want, what do you want?” Sirius asked. Regulus started to cry all over again. He had gotten so used to blocking out what he wanted. He was so used to just doing what he was told, that the idea of him getting to focus on what he wanted was foreign. “I don’t know” he answered.
“Think about it.” Sirius said.

What did Regulus want? He wanted to stop hiding, he was tired of hoping he was enough. He wanted to be loved, and he wanted to be happy. He wanted Sirius. “You.” ‘and James’ Regulus thought to himself before he started to cry. Sirius wrapped Regulus in a hug and didn’t let go as he said “I want you too. I’ll make it happen.”
“What if you can’t?” Regulus asked
“I’ll find a way.” Sirius confirmed, Regulus had never heard him sound as confident as he did right then.

Regulus and Sirius spent the next few hours planning. It was true Regulus technically could leave, he could cut contact and live his life, but Walkburga and Orion were powerful people. When they wanted something they got it. There was no silencing them if they didn’t want to be silenced.

“We could probably send them to jail for something.” Sirius suggested.
“No.” Regulus replied. He wouldn’t tell Sirius, but he didn’t want to lose his parents forever. He wanted them to want him, and they wouldn’t do that if he sent them to jail. “We could blackmail them.” Sirius tried.
“No.” Regulus argued.
“What do you suggest we do, ask them to leave us alone and hope for the best?” Sirius laughed sarcastically.

“They’re our parents.” Regulus argued
“That means nothing to me.”
“It means something to me! You might not care about them, but I do!” Regulus yelled.
“Why?”
“Because!” Regulus shouted. He didn’t know how to explain it. He didn’t know why he still loved his parents. They were terrible, logically, he knew that, but something in him still cared. Something in him still believed that they could love him, that they could be better.

When Regulus’ eyes started to water, Sirius said “Hey, I’m sorry. You’re right, we’ll find another way.”

************

Eventually, Regulus and Sirius decided that Regulus would inform their parents that he would be cutting contact and go from there. Sirius had said if they tried anything, that the two of them would retaliate. He was confident that eventually, he and Regulus would win.

Regulus didn’t like that it, but he didn’t know what else to do. Now that he had Sirius, he couldn’t lose him; and if he had to pick Sirius over his parents, then he would.

They started by blocking Walburga and Orion’s numbers and social media, then drafted an email and explained what was going to happen. After going over it for way too long, Regulus finally sent the email; there was no going back.

***********

By the time Regulus and Sirius got back to camp, the kids were all asleep. When Regulus walked into the cabin, James immediately wrapped him in a hug and whispered, “I’m so proud of you.”
“James, I’m tired.” Regulus whispered and pushed James away. Sirius looked like he wanted to say something, but stayed silent. “Of course, let me know if you need anything.” Regulus nodded and flopped down on his bed.

“Do you want me to stay for a bit, or do you want to be alone?” Sirius crouched next to Regulus’ bed. “Can you stay with me tonight?” Regulus asked.
“Of course” Sirius said and got into bed with Regulus.

*************

It took Regulus a while to fall asleep. When he finally did, he dreamt of his parents.

They were in the cabin, everyone was laughing. All of Regulus’ friends were there, all of Sirius’ friends were there, and even their campers were there. Everything was perfect when there was a knock at the door. James got up to answer the door, but it was Walburga and Orion.

It started to thunder outside as Walburga and Orion invited themselves in. James tried to stop them, but Orion grabbed James by the throat and held him against the wall until he passed out. Sirius ran to James, but before could get to James, Orion had grabbed him and dragged him outside. Regulus got up to chase after him when Walburga grabbed him “Where do you think you’re going?” she asked.
“Sirius!” Regulus screamed.
“No, you wanted this. You don’t want us anymore, that’s fine.” Walburga said in the eerily calm voice she always used when she punished Regulus.

“I don’t want this!” Regulus cried.
“Yes, you do. You want out of our family, that’s fine, but only one of you can leave.” she smiled. “No!” Regulus yelled.
“Yes.” Walburga laughed.

Suddenly, the world was shaking, Regulus thought the world was collapsing until he heard Sirius’ voice “Regulus wake up!”. Regulus shot up to see James, their campers and Sirius all surrounding his bed. Tears were already running down his face. “It’s okay, it was just a bad dream.” Sirius wrapped Regulus in a hug.
“No no no” Regulus was shaking. He faintly heard James try and usher the boys back to their beds as he continued to say “no no no no no no no no”
“Regulus, look at me.” Sirius said as he grabbed his face and forced Regulus to look at him “You’re with me. You’re safe.”
“She’s gonna be mad.” Regulus cried.
“I don’t care.”
“She’s gonna take you, she's not going to let me get away that easily.”
“Then I’ll remind her of why she kicked me out the first time.” Sirius smiled “I’ve heard I’m pretty annoying, she’ll bring me back soon enough.”
“No, I don’t want you to go.” Regulus cried as he wrapped his arms around Sirius. Sirius held Regulus as he said “You’re right, I won’t let her take me, I'm sorry.”

“You don’t understand.” Regulus tried “She’s powerful.”
“So are we, and so are the lawyers we can get if we need to.”
“No, she’s worse.” Regulus explained.
“Why don’t we go outside and get some fresh air?” Sirius asked.
“What if she’s out there?” Regulus asked.
“She’s not.” Sirius assured Regulus as he stood up and held out a hand for Regulus.

Regulus followed Sirius outside. He cried for hours. He cried so long that the sun started to rise. Sirius let him, he held him and promised over and over that everything would be okay.

Eventually, Regulus fell asleep on Sirius’ shoulder as the sun shone on his face and warmed him up.

End notes
Wow, that was rough. Sorry about that. Thank you again to everyone who is reading this fic, leaving comments and leaving kudos. The support and patience I have gotten while working on this fic is better than I could have ever imagined (especially since I am so inconsistent) I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope to not be gone for so long this time

Chapter Text

TW:
Transphobia (******* is Regulus being dead-named)
Abuse (Walburga's A+ parenting but also references to a past abusive relationship
Eating Disorder (Regulus not wanting to eat)

Saturday

When James’ alarm went off, Regulus was surprised to find himself back in his bed. He rolled over to find Sirius, who was pulling the sheets over their heads. For dramatic effect, Regulus grabbed his pillow and put it over his head.

He expected James to take the pillow away and force him to get up, but instead James focused on the campers. Regulus listened as James got the boys out of bed, helped them tie their shoes and got them out the door. After it had been silent for a couple of minutes Regulus lifted the pillow off his head and looked around, James was gone.

As Regulus started to sit up, Sirius groaned, “No”.
“He left.” Regulus tried to hide the sadness in his voice.
“What?” Sirius asked.
“James” Regulus explained “he left.”
“He was letting you sleep.” Sirius stated as if it was obvious.
“Is he mad at me?” Regulus asked. He thought back to how he pushed James away the previous night when James had tried to hug him. “What? Why would he be mad at you?” Sirius asked as he sat up.
“If he isn’t mad then why did he leave me?” Regulus asked, he felt stupid as he held back tears. “Regulus” Sirius wrapped his arms around Regulus “he’s not mad at you. He’s letting you sleep because you had a long night last night.”

Sirius seemed confident in what he was saying, but Regulus had a hard time believing it. Regulus wasn’t like Sirius. He was mean. James had probably expected Regulus to change now that he was living with him, but he didn’t change. He didn’t even hug James when he got back last night. After everything James had done, Regulus would be mad too.

“Regulus.” Sirius said, and broke Regulus’ train of thought.
“What.”
“James isn’t mad at you. If he was, he would’ve told you, he’s not like us, he communicates.” Sirius claimed, and it did seem accurate to James, but Regulus still wasn’t sure.

“Ask him when he gets back from breakfast, he’ll tell you how he feels.” Sirius smiled “Also, he left me here too, and he’s definitely not mad at me. I’m perfect.” Regulus rolled his eyes and pushed Sirius off the bed. “Hey!” Sirius complained as he grabbed Regulus’ arm and pulled him off the bed in retaliation. “Ow.” Regulus complained as Sirius laughed.

Regulus dramatically started to rub the shoulder that he fell on so Sirius would feel bad. Sirius ignored this as he said “Your face is looking better.”
“Shit.” Regulus said, he ignored the pain in his head as he quickly got up and ran to the bathroom. It was true; the bruising on his face had gone down since the event with Snape, Mulciber, and Avery, but it was still very much visible. Regulus started to cover it up with concealer when Sirius walked in and messed up his already frizzy hair. “Stop” Regulus said as he shoved Sirius and finished blending the concealer. Sirius lifted his arm and Regulus was ready to push him away again, but instead of messing up his hair, he wrapped Regulus in a hug. Regulus hugged him back, and while Sirius was distracted, Regulus messed up his hair. Sirius laughed as he grabbed Regulus’ arms and trapped him in another hug. Regulus closed his eyes and rested his chin on Sirius’ shoulder.

Regulus and Sirius were sitting in bed when James and the boys got back from breakfast. James followed Leo, who immediately ran up to Regulus and wrapped him in a hug. “I missed you.” Leo said.
“I missed you too.” Regulus replied.
“I wanted to stay up until you got back last night, but James wouldn’t let me.” Regulus smiled and said “That was probably a good idea, it was way past your bedtime when I got back.”
“I could’ve stayed awake.” Leo crossed his arms.
“I’m sure you could have, but then you would be really tired right now.”
“Are you really tired right now?” Leo asked.
“Probably not as tired as James.” Regulus said as he looked up at James, who smiled
“That’s what coffee is for.” Everyone went silent for a moment before James continued, “Why don’t you boys start getting ready for the ropes course.”

“Hi” James said when the boys left to brush their teeth.
“Hi.” Regulus replied.
“Hello.” Sirius chimed in.
“Um, Dr.Pomfrey wanted me to give you this.” James handed Regulus the bagel he had been holding. “Thanks.” Regulus said as he took the plate from James.

When Regulus didn’t say anything, James asked, “Do you need more time? I can take the boys to our first few activities” he paused, “or the whole day if you need it. Whatever you need. Since all the boys are staying the rest of the summer, nobody will be in the cabin packing, you’ll have the space to yourself.” he finished.
“No.” Regulus said, he put the plate down on his bed and got his clothes out. As much as he wanted to stay in bed all day and feel bad for himself, he knew that would only make things worse. “Okay, but don’t feel like you have to.” James said.
“I don’t.” Regulus replied as he took his clothes to the bathroom stall to change.

When Regulus finished changing, James and Sirius were sitting on his bed, whispering to each other. The second they saw Regulus, they immediately stopped talking. “This is why you guys never get away with any of your pranks.” Regulus joked.
“How do you know we don’t get away with all of them. Maybe you only see what we want you to see.” Sirius teased.
“If that were true you wouldn’t have stopped talking about me the second I appeared.” Regulus replied. James looked away, embarrassed, but Sirius just started to laugh “You know we love you.”

Regulus sat down beside James who handed him the bagel that Regulus hoped they would forget about “Don’t make me tell Dr.Pomfrey you didn’t eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” Regulus gave his usual excuse.
“Too bad. Eat.” Sirius said. Regulus ignored Sirius and looked to James. “Don’t be mean.” Sirius laughed.
“What?” Regulus asked.
“We all know James isn’t good with tough love.”
“Please.” Regulus said as he looked James in the eye.
“Please.” James said back.

It took a lot of convincing, but eventually Regulus ate the bagel.

*************

When James and Regulus were finally alone and the boys were up on the ropes course, Regulus said “Sorry I pushed you away last night.”
“What?” James asked.
“Sorry that I pushed you away when you tried to hug me.” Regulus repeated.
“You don’t have to apologize for that.” James said as if it were obvious, but it wasn’t obvious. Growing up, Regulus was never allowed to say no.

He was never allowed to push him off of him. He was never allowed to say “Stop”. He never asked Regulus if touching him was okay; it’s not like he would have cared if it wasn’t. In fact, Regulus thought he might have enjoyed it more that way.

“Regulus.” James said
“Yes.”
“I want you to push me away if you don’t want to be touched.” James paused. “Anyone with any respect for you would want you to make your boundaries known.” The defensive part of Regulus wondered if James was saying this so he could use it to make Regulus feel bad later. If James would also say something like: “Of course I care about you, I respected when you said no that one time” in order to get what he wanted, just like every other person in Regulus’ life. Although that wasn’t James, James was different. “You’re not embarrassed?” Regulus asked
“What?” James asked, genuine confusion on his face
“You’re not embarrassed that I pushed you away in front of Sirius?”
“Why would I be embarrassed?”
“He always was.” Regulus said as he looked down at his feet.
“Well, good thing I’m nothing like Aubrey.” James said, it sounded like he couldn’t even stand to say that name.

‘But isn’t everyone a little like him?’ Regulus wanted to ask. Wouldn’t anyone be embarrassed if Regulus said no to them in front of their friends? Wasn’t it rude to disrespect someone like that? When Regulus didn’t say anything, James said “Everyone deserves to have their boundaries respected.”
“Okay.” Regulus said as he continued to look at his feet.
“Regulus, look at me.” James said, and Regulus did. “Promise me you will tell me if I do something that makes you uncomfortable.”
“Okay.” Regulus repeated.
“No, promise me.” James demanded.
“Fine, I promise.”
“Promise what?” James tested.
“That I will tell you when I don’t like something?” Regulus asked. James laughed
“You don’t sound convinced.” Regulus rolled his eyes
“Fine, I promise to tell you when I don’t like something.”
“Pinky promise?” James asked as he held out his pinky.
“Are we 5 years old?”
“Yes. Now give me your pinky.” James demanded. Regulus rolled his eyes as he locked his pinky finger around James’.

James and Regulus sat in comfortable silence for a bit until James said “I’m glad you’re not going to disappear on me after this summer.”
“How do you know I won't?” Regulus teased.
“It’ll be pretty hard to hide from me if we live together.” James said with a smile, then abruptly stopped smiling “I mean, I’m sorry about the circumstances, obviously, but- Sorry that was really inconsiderate of me-”
“It’s fine.” Regulus said, to save James from himself.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that, I just-”
“James.” Regulus said “I know what you meant. It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’m just so used to joking about your family with Sirius, but I know that you don’t like that, and I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s fine.”
“Okay, but I want you to know that I know you and Sirius are different people who need and want different things. I know you will cope with things differently. I’m so used to Sirius’ version of coping, but that isn’t an excuse, and I shouldn’t have said that and-”

Regulus interrupted James with a hug. People who knew both Sirius and Regulus often did think of Regulus as an extension of Sirius. Regulus always felt like either a better or worse version of Sirius; he rarely felt like Regulus. James made him feel like Regulus. “Thank you.” Regulus said. James wrapped his arms around him as he said, “Thank you. I can’t imagine my life without being your friend.” James said as he buried his head in Regulus’s shoulder.

************

After lunch, James and Regulus followed the boys back to the cabin. By this point, the boys knew their way around camp pretty well, and to make sure nobody was left behind, James and Regulus would often walk at the back of the group. This is why, when Leo opened the cabin door, Regulus was still a few feet from the cabin and was confused when Leo grabbed his leg and yelled, “You can’t leave!”
“I’m not.” Regulus said, confused.
“Don’t lie to me!” Leo started to cry.

Regulus looked to James, who looked just as confused. “Leo, Regulus isn’t leaving, I promise.” James said.
“Then where is all his stuff?” Leo cried.
“What?” Regulus asked as he walked into the cabin to see that all his stuff was gone. His shelves of clothes were empty, his drawers of stuff were gone and his bed was completely stripped. Worse of all, Walburga was standing in the middle of the cabin.

“Mother,” Regulus asked “what are you doing here?”
“*******, I’ve come to get you.” Walburga answered simply.
“I’m not going with you?” Regulus tried to sound confident and firm as he said it, but instead it came out as more of a question. “Yes, you are.” She answered.
“No.” Regulus said.

Walburga lunged towards Regulus and wrapped her hands around his neck. She pinned him to the wall, Regulus couldn’t breathe. He tried to remain calm, after all, this wasn’t the first time Walburga had done this. “You’re coming with me.” she stated. Everything in Regulus wanted to give in. It would be easier if he did; after all, the more control Walburga had, the nicer she was. “No, he’s not!” James yelled, he pushed Walburga off Regulus. Before Regulus even knew what was happening, James grabbed his arm and started running. “The boys.” Regulus stopped; he had no idea where they were; they couldn’t leave them with Walburga. “They’re safe. They’re with Lily.” James said as he started to run again. Regulus looked around again and still didn’t see the boys, he hoped that this meant Walburga wouldn’t see them either. “Where are we going?” Regulus asked.
“McGonagall.” James said as he looked behind him and started to run even faster. Regulus was running as fast as he could, and he was pretty sure that it was pure adrenaline that got him to keep up with James.

When they got to McGonagall’s cabin, she had a panicked look on her face. “Get in. Lock the door.” she said. James didn’t hesitate as he dragged Regulus into the cabin and locked the door.

Before Regulus could stop to catch his breath, James ran to the bathroom and threw up. It was moments like this when Regulus hated that he couldn’t be a source of comfort to his friends. “I’m sorry.” James said as Regulus started to awkwardly rub his back, “I- sorry. This isn’t about me, I didn’t mean to make it about me. Sorry.” James flushed the toilet. “Ya, fuck you.” Regulus joked. As James let out a small laugh, Regulus realized they had forgotten one important thing: Sirius.

If Walburga couldn’t get to Regulus, she would take it out on Sirius, she had done it before. When Regulus got up and ran towards the door, James grabbed his arm and said “You can’t go out there.”
“Sirius is out there.” Regulus protested. Something in James’ face shattered as he said “Shit.” He dug through his pockets, but whatever he was looking for obviously wasn’t there. “Do you have your phone on you?” he asked.

Regulus dug through his own pockets only to remember that he had left his phone on his bed. “Okay.” James said, and Regulus watched as the wheels turned in his head. With no warning, James dragged Regulus down the hall. “What are we doing?” Regulus followed. James walked into McGonagall’s bedroom and said “Stay here.” Before Regulus could register what was happening, he ran out of the room and slammed the door.

Regulus ran to the door and tried to open it, but couldn’t. “James let me out.”
“I’m going to get Sirius. I need you to stay here.” James said. Regulus put all his weight into pushing the door open, but it still wouldn’t budge. “No! I can help you find him!”
“You’re safer here. I’ll be back soon.”
“James, don't do this!” Regulus yelled. When he didn’t get a response, he yelled again, “James!” Again, when there was no response, he yelled “James please!” Regulus heard the front door open and close “James!” Regulus yelled, but there was no response.

Regulus didn’t know how long he had spent kicking and banging the door before he heard the front door open again. “James!” Regulus yelled.
“It’s me, and I have Sirius.” James answered.
“Sirius!” Regulus screamed as he continued to bang on the door.
“I’m here.” Sirius’ voice came from the other side of the door, along with the sound of something moving. Regulus tried the door again and was finally able to get out.

Regulus launched himself onto Sirius and started to cry. “I missed you too.” Sirius tried to joke. Regulus didn’t say anything as he clung to Sirius. “I’m here now, I’ve got you.” Sirius said as he ran his hand through Regulus’ hair. “I told you she wouldn’t let me go that easy.” Regulus choked out.
“Well then it’s a good thing I won’t let you go either.”
“What if she doesn’t stop?” Regulus asked as he lifted his head up to look at Sirius.
“She will.” Sirius said confidently.
“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep saying no to her, I’m not brave like you.”
“You are brave, and don’t worry, I’ll make sure she can’t hurt you.”
“How?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Sirius said as he used his sleeve to wipe the tears off Regulus’ face.

Regulus finally looked in James’ direction, James gave him a small smile. Regulus pushed Sirius away and launched himself towards James. He pinned James to the wall, Regulus and James’ faces were inches apart as Regulus yelled “What the fuck!”
“I know, I’m sorry.” James said
“Don’t lie to me, we both know you would do it again in a heartbeat!” James had the nerve to let out a small smile and said, “You’re right, but that’s not what I’m sorry about. I’m sorry I left you alone after what had just happened.” James said softly.
“Fuck you.” Regulus said.
“I wasn’t going to let her hurt you.” James said as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind Regulus’ ear. Regulus grabbed James’ wrist and pinned it to the wall “Don’t touch me.” he said.
“Okay.” James said he looked Regulus directly in the eye as he waited for Regulus to make the next move. Regulus pulled James away from the wall only to shove him to the ground. Regulus stared at James and waited for him to get back up, instead James just sat there. This enraged Regulus; after all, he was used to the other person always fighting back. In retaliation, Regulus grabbed a pillow from Dr.Pomfrey’s couch and threw it at James, who once again just sat there and took it.

At this point, Regulus wanted to hurt James for no other reason than to prove that he could, “You ruined my life. First, you took Sirius, held him hostage, brainwashed him and convinced him to leave me. Now you’re doing it to me too, you think you’re some sort of saviour, but you're just as bad as my mother.” Regulus said.

James’ eyes started to water, Sirius asked, “Was that necessary?”
“He started it.” Regulus argued as Sirius held out his hand to James and helped him up.
“He doesn’t mean that, you’re the kindest person he knows.” Sirius said to James as he hugged him. Sirius looked like he was about to say something else when Dr. Pomfrey opened the front door.

************

Dr. Pomfrey ushered Regulus, Sirius and James to her office and locked the door behind her. She sat all three of them down and asked “Can you guys tell me what happened?” Regulus didn’t want to talk and waited for James to start, when James didn’t say anything either, Dr. Pomfrey said “Okay, why don’t you start by telling me what happened to your neck Regulus.”
“Nothing, it’s fine.”
“Obviously something happened.” she encouraged. Regulus stared at her defiantly. This was, of course, when James decided to speak “His mom tried to strangle him.” Regulus watched as Dr. Pomfrey tried to hide the shock on her face and asked “Is this true Regulus?”
“It wasn’t as bad as James makes it sound.” Regulus answered.
“Your neck is very red, it looks as bad as James is making it out to be.” Dr. Pomfrey countered. “I’m fine.” Regulus argued.
“How is your head feeling?” Dr. Pomfrey asked. Regulus felt both James and Sirius’ eyes on him “Fine.” he lied.
“On a scale of one to ten, one being almost no pain, ten being the worst pain a person could ever feel, what would you rate it?” she asked.
“One.” Regulus answered.

Dr. Pomfrey sighed and looked to James and Sirius “How about you two, are either of you hurt.”
“No.” James and Sirius both answered.
“Alright, why don’t you two go wait in one of the spare bedrooms. Just be sure to lock the door behind you, we’re still trying to get Walburga and Orion to leave.”
“I’ve been at that my whole life, let me know if you guys figure something out.” Sirius joked as he grabbed James’ hand and left.

“How’s your head?” Dr. Pomfrey asked again once James and Sirius had left.
“The same as it always is.”
“Okay,” Dr. Pomfrey said “then talk to me, how have the past couple of days been?” Regulus laughed in response. “Yes, that seems accurate.” Dr. Pomfrey paused “Did something happen between you and James?” she asked.
“No.” Regulus lied.
“Because you both looked pretty upset when you came in here.”
“We were, my parents were here.” Regulus answered.
“It seemed like there was more to it. You wouldn’t look at him, and he wouldn’t stop looking at you.” Regulus didn’t say anything, instead he shrugged his shoulders “Why wouldn’t you look at James?” she asked. Again, Regulus didn’t say anything. “Did he do something?” she asked.
“No.” Regulus answered.
“It’s okay, you can tell me. What did he do?” she asked again.
“Nothing.” Regulus said, annoyed.
“Regulus, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what happened. What did James do?”
“I told you, nothing.” Regulus answered. He started to get annoyed. Why would Dr. Pomfrey think it was James who did something? James was perfect. He was the kind of guy to make sure everyone else had everything they needed and more before he even thought of himself. He was the kind of guy to automatically know something was wrong, and somehow, he always knew how to make it better. James loved people so strongly that he could even make self-destructive people like Regulus see the value in themselves.

“Regulus, whatever you say stays between us. Tell me what he did.”
“He didn’t do anything, and if you must know, I was the asshole not him.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
“Shitty, because all he did today was bend over backwards for me, and then all I go and tell him I hate him, he ruined my life and that he was a monster who is just as bad as my mother. Which is so obviously not true.” Regulus said as he fought back tears. Dr. Pomfrey sat down next to Regulus and asked, “Something must have prompted that?”
“Don’t try and make me feel better, I deserve to feel shitty about this.” Regulus tilted his head back, he didn’t want to start crying again. “I’m not, I’m just trying to get the full story.”
“He-” when Regulus thought about what happened, he couldn’t keep it in anymore, “he locked me in McGonagall’s cabin and left to find Sirius. I didn’t know what was happening or where he was. I didn’t know where Sirius was either. All I knew was my mom was mad at both of them, and I knew if she found James, she wouldn’t have been nice about it. And James is too nice. He’s too good for my mother. She was going to hurt him and I couldn’t stop it and it would’ve been my fault for being stupid enough to let James lock me in the cabin.” Regulus cried.
“I’m sure that must’ve been scary.” Dr. Pomfrey said.
“Stop trying to make me feel better, I was a dick.”
“You were, and I think you need to apologize to James, but I also think there’s nuance to the situation.”
“He’s given me everything, and then I treat him like this. He's letting me move in with his family so that I can leave my family, at least he was, I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want me anymore.” Regulus cried.
“I think you need to talk to him before you assume something like that” Dr. Pomfrey said, “but I would also like to talk to him and Sirius and get a better account of what happened while you were in McGonagall’s cabin. Would that be okay?” Regulus nodded. “Alright, I’m going to get you some Advil for your head. I’ll be right back.”
“I told you, my head is fine.” Regulus wiped his tears.
“Regulus, I know when you’re lying to me. I’m also getting good at getting you to tell me what’s wrong.” she said with a smile.

***********

It was about half an hour later when James walked into the room, “Hi” he said.
“Hi.” Regulus said as he looked down at his feet.
“How are you feeling?” James asked as he sat down beside Regulus.
“Physically, I feel fine. I feel like a dick about how I treated you though.” Regulus said.
“Yes, I talked to Dr. Pomfrey about that. I still want you to live with me.”
“Don’t say that because you feel like you have to. I can figure something else out, I’ll-”
“Regulus, look at me” James interrupted “I want you in my life.” he said firmly. Regulus let out a small laugh “You know how Dr. Pomfrey tricked me into getting me to talk?” James shook his head “She kept asking me what you did. I was like he didn’t do anything, he’s perfect and-” Regulus stopped when he realized what he said. James had the biggest smile on his face as he asked, “You think I’m perfect?”
“I think you’re too nice for your own good.” Regulus teased “she kept asking me what you did, until I confessed how much of an asshole I was.”
“You were mad, and scared.” James shrugged.
“Don’t do that.” Regulus said.
“Do what?” James asked.
“Be so understanding. You’re allowed to be mad at me, I would expect you to be mad at me.”
“You’re having a hard time.”
“That doesn’t excuse what I did. You don’t need to forgive me right away because I’m having a bad day and you’re not.”
“It’s more than a bad day.”
“And I was more than just an asshole for what I said. Be angry, tell me how I hurt you.” James was silent for a moment before he said “Okay, I was upset. I really care about you and Sirius. I want you guys to have everything you need and more. I want your lives to be perfect, and I will do whatever I need to in order to make that happen, so I felt terrible when you told me how you actually felt about me. Especially because I-” James stopped. “You what?” Regulus asked
“I care about you. And um, ya, I care about you. I don’t want to ruin your life.”
“But you didn’t. I was mad and hurt, and I wanted to hurt you, it was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken everything out on you, especially after you have changed my life for the better.” Regulus said. James smiled
“For the better?” he asked.
“For the better.” Regulus confirmed.

After about an hour, Regulus, James and Sirius were allowed to leave Dr. Pomfrey’s office as Walburga and Orion, who was in the car waiting for Walburga and Regulus, were escorted off camp property by the police.

McGonagall walked with Regulus and James back to Lily and Pandora’s cabin, where the boys were. Pandora ran up to Regulus and wrapped her arms around him. “Are you hurt?” she asked.
“No, I’m fine.” Regulus assured her.
“Your neck is red.” she stared down at his neck.
“My neck is fine.” Regulus told her.
“I’m so sorry.” she hugged him again.
“Pandora I’m fine, really.”
“Yes, it’s over now. You can finally do whatever you want, she can’t hold you back anymore.” Pandora said, and Regulus wasn’t sure if she was talking more to him or herself.

“So you’re not leaving?” Leo jumped in, he clung to Regulus’ leg.
“No, I’m not.” Regulus told him.
“Then where are you going to sleep?” he asked. It took Regulus a moment before he realized what Leo was talking about. “Oh, um. I’ll just sleep on the mattress and get new sheets soon.” Regulus said as he tried hard not to think of all the things Walburga took from him. “What, no. Sleep in my bed.” James said.
“And where are you going to sleep?” Regulus asked.
“In your bed?” James suggested. Regulus opened his mouth to tell James off when Lily jumped in “You’re both being ridiculous. I brought a spare set of sheets for when I do laundry. You can borrow them for the summer.” she walked to her cupboard and pulled out a set of white sheets with lilies on them. Regulus forced down the laugh, but Lily must have known what he was thinking because she said “I know, my dad thought it was funny and refused to buy me sheets without lilies.” Regulus couldn’t keep his laugh in any longer. Lily joined in, then James, then Pandora and soon the whole cabin was laughing.

************

“Just this once.” Regulus begged.
“No, if I don’t make you eat now, it’s only going to get worse.” Dr. Pomfrey said at dinner as she scooped more pasta onto his plate. “I don’t think I can this time.” Regulus whispered. “I know you can.” Dr. Pomfrey replied.
“I feel nauseous.” he told her.
“I know, but even if you throw up, it’s better if you eat.”
“I can’t.” Regulus repeated.

Dr. Pomfrey was still trying to get Regulus to eat when Sirius sat down next to Regulus. “Hi.” Regulus said, but didn’t look up.
“Hello to you too.” Sirius said as he ran his hand through Regulus’ hair to mess it up, Regulus didn’t move as Sirius continued, “I dropped some clothes off at your cabin,” he pause,d “but I want them back.”
“Fine.” Regulus said.
“Not hungry?” Sirius asked.
“I feel like I’m going to throw up.” Regulus replied. Sirius looked to Dr. Pomfrey, who looked to Sirius, they appeared to have had some sort of silent conversation before Sirius said “Something’s always wrong, you still gotta eat.”
“Tomorrow.” Regulus said.
“Nope.” Sirius said as he picked up a piece of garlic bread and tried to shove it in Regulus’ mouth. “Stop.” Regulus said as he grabbed Sirius’ arm. Sirius, however, was stronger and broke his arm free “Sirius I’ll throw up on you.” Regulus threatened.
“Then I’ll shave your head in your sleep.” Sirius taunted.
“Then I’ll kill you in your sleep.” Regulus retorted.
“Okay, but if you’re going to do that, you have to be strong enough to kill me, which means you need to eat, get your energy up and stuff.” Sirius joked. Regulus grabbed his drink off the table and threw it in Sirius’ face “I didn’t need much strength to do that.”

Sirius got up and put Regulus in a headlock. “Are you strong enough to get out of this, you little shit.”
“Okay that’s enough.” Dr. Pomfrey said as she stood up to break up Sirius and Regulus.
“He started it.” Regulus and Sirius said in unison.
“I don’t care who started it” she said “I appreciate the effort Sirius, but I don't think this is the way to get Regulus to eat.”
“Ya.” Regulus agreed. Sirius looked to James as he muttered under his breath
“Worked on me.”
“What?” Dr. Pomfrey asked
“Nothing.” Sirius said.

Dr. Pomfrey and Sirius spent the next couple of hours trying to get Regulus to eat. In the last hour, the dining hall was empty as Regulus told them repeatedly that he could not do it. After much convincing from both Sirius and Dr. Pomfrey, Regulus finally ate.

***********

By the time Regulus and Sirius left the dining hall, they had to go straight to the dress rehearsal for the play, which would be the next night. They had been walking in silence until Sirius said “I love you.”
“I know.” Regulus joked.
“You watched Star Wars!” Sirius yelled “You finally watched Star Wars.”
“No I didn’t.” Regulus lied. The truth was, the summer after Sirius was kicked out, Sirius had told Regulus to watch it, and of course, Regulus said he wouldn’t. Regulus watched it the day he got back from camp, and re-watched it whenever he missed Sirius.

By the time Sirius and Regulus got to the theatre, everyone was already there and in their costumes. James greeted them both with the biggest smile and said, “I missed you guys.”
“I missed you too Prongs.” Sirius said at the same time Regulus said
“It’s been an hour.”
“Ignore him. Go get your costume on Regulus.” Sirius said as he shoved Regulus and jumped into James’ arms.

Once Regulus had changed, Evan dragged him aside “I heard what happened with your parents, I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, you didn’t deserve that.” Evan said adamantly
“Thank you, but I really don’t want to think about it anymore today.” Regulus said. Evan nodded “Alright, let’s find James.”
“Why?” Regulus asked.
“I want to go over your death scene.” Regulus sighed as he followed Evan, who wandered around and yelled, “Potter where are you!”

After a few minutes of this, James appeared “You called?” he said.
“Yes! We need to go over Reg’s death. He’s supposed to bleed out which is what this is for.” Evan held up a balloon and a bottle of red paint “We’ll put it under his shirt, and when he gets shot he’ll pop it. Then you’re going to spread the paint all over him while you act like he’s dying.” he explained.
“Okay” James paused “we can just pretend today, though, if you want Regulus, we don't have to actually use paint. I know it’s been a long day.”
“It’s fine, you can use the paint.” Regulus sighed, he deserved it after the way he treated James. “Are you sure, because you don’t have to. I’ll say I don’t want to, and whoever cares about this dress rehearsal being accurate can be mad at me.” James said. Regulus gave James a small smile as he said “It’s okay James, really.”
“Okay.” James said.

“James!” Sirius called. James looked to Evan, who nodded
“Coming!” James yelled back. When James was out of ear shot Evan asked
“What was that?”
“What?” Regulus asked.
“Regulus, let them be mad at me. I’ll do anything for you Regulus. Oh James, you don’t have to do all that for little old me. Oh but Regulus I can’t stop looking at you the way Neil looked at Todd after he recited that poem in Dead Poets Society.” Evan said dramatically. “That is not what happened.” Regulus rolled his eyes. Evan laughed
“It was pretty close to what happened.” Evan said as he filled the balloon with paint and tied it off. “You’re such a dick.” Regulus complained as he took the balloon and left.

The entire run-through of the play, Regulus couldn’t stop thinking about what Evan said. Evan was clearly reading too much into things; he and James did not act like that, Regulus told himself. Regulus had done a pretty good job of convincing himself of this until the death scene.

Evan had helped to tie the rope around Regulus and then helped him onto the stage. “James knows the balloon is by your stomach?” Evan confirmed.
“Yes.”
“Perfect.” Evan said as he ripped off a piece of duct tape and put it over Regulus’ mouth. Regulus rolled his eyes and was sure to kick Evan in the stomach when he threw him over his shoulder.

When James ran onto the stage, Regulus reminded himself to ignore Evan because he was an idiot. James softly peeled the duct tape off Regulus’ mouth “Felix, what are you doing here, you have to go.” Regulus said his line.
“I’m not leaving without you.” James said and started to untie the rope, while at the same time he kept his eyes on Regulus. He reminded himself that James looked at everyone like this. James was a very affectionate person, Regulus wasn’t special for receiving some of that affection. “You’re an idiot for coming back.” Regulus said, he tried not to smile as he called James an idiot, and he especially tried not to think of all the idiotic things James had done over the summer. “You’re my best friend, I’ll be an idiot if it means saving you.” James smiled, but this smile was different than the one he usually did when they practiced this scene. In previous run-throughs, James’ smile was more artificial, like James was putting it on for everyone watching, everyone who was expecting his smile. This smile was for Regulus, and Regulus alone.

Regulus and James both jumped as Sirius played the gunshot sound effect. Regulus quickly popped the balloon, paint went everywhere. “Go!” Regulus shouted, “No! I’m not leaving you! I-I need you.” James said as he cradled Regulus in his arms and ran his bloody hand through Regulus’ hair. Regulus held his stomach with one hand and put the other around James’ neck. “It’s okay, you’re okay.” James said, and with the way he was looking at Regulus, Regulus couldn’t tell if he was acting or if there was genuine concern in his voice. No no no! Please someone help!” James yelled. Regulus wanted to sit up and hug him, he wanted to tell James that everything was okay, but he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t stand the thought of James being sad, he couldn’t do that. “It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. It’s okay, look at me, you’re going to make it out of this. I’m not letting you die, just hold on, okay? Keep fighting, I’ll get us out of here.” James said, he had started crying, something he hadn’t done in previous run-throughs.

Regulus tried to sit up, maybe James was trying to kick-start his acting career, but Regulus had a feeling there was more to it. “No, don’t exert yourself, just relax.” James improvised. What was Regulus doing? James was obviously acting, and then what, Regulus is just going to sit up and start comforting his fake sadness? He was supposed to be dead, and so, Regulus closed his eyes. “No no no! William wake up! Look at me please, it’s going to be okay, I need you to be okay!” Regulus went limp as he leaned into James, and as a result, got paint on James’ costume too.

This is when Marlene, who played Anna, ran on stage and said “Felix, we need to go.” She grabbed his arm, and James gently placed Regulus on the wood floor of the stage before he let her drag him off stage.

When the stage went dark, Regulus got up and walked off the stage and right into Evan “That was great” Evan whispered. Regulus didn’t say anything. “Reg, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Regulus said, he didn’t know what was wrong “I’m going to go wash this paint off me.” Evan tried to follow Regulus
“It’s okay, I don’t need help.” Regulus said as he walked away.

Regulus turned on the hose at the back of the theatre and started to splash his face with cold water. He was working on getting the paint off his arms when James appeared. “You’re alive.” James joked. Regulus rolled his eyes as he continued to scrub the paint off his arms. “Here, let me help.” James offered.
“You don’t have to.” Regulus told him.
“I want to, besides, I was the one who did this to you so…” James smiled.
“I look disgusting, you can’t want to help.” Regulus sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “You look beautiful.” James countered.
“Shut up.” Regulus laughed.
“Seriously, you look beautiful, and you always do.” James took a step closer to Regulus.
“Well you look like shit.” Regulus nervously joked. He could no longer deny the look in James’ eye. He had never seen James look at anyone else like this. James laughed as he tucked a strand of Regulus’ hair behind his ear.

“James?” Regulus asked
“Yes.” James replied.
“What are you doing?” Regulus asked.
“I-I- do you want me to stop?” James asked. At that moment, Regulus wanted nothing less “No.” Regulus said. James closed the gap between the two with a kiss, and
Oh
Oh
This was what everyone was talking about. This was what everyone saw that Regulus hadn’t. James put his hands on Regulus’ waist as Regulus kissed him back and put his own arms around James’ neck. Regulus never wanted this to stop. He thought he hated being held, but it was only when James kissed him that he realized he only hated being held by the wrong people. James certainly wasn’t the wrong person.

When they finally broke apart, James had the biggest smile on his face. His smile was infectious, and Regulus couldn’t help smiling too. “You’re beautiful.” James said again. Regulus buried his face in James’ shirt to hide his blush. James wrapped his arms around Regulus as he said, “What a day huh?” Regulus laughed as he shoved James “I hate you” he said
“I don’t think you do.” James responded. With no warning, Regulus grabbed the hose and sprayed James with it. “You!” he yelled as he chased after Regulus.

**********

James helped Regulus get the rest of the paint out of his hair before the two of them walked back to the cabin, where Regulus could take a real shower. “Want to watch something?” James asked when Regulus got out of the shower.
“Sure.” Regulus said as he tried to act nonchalant.

James patted the spot beside him on his bed, and Regulus sat down. James put his arm around him and asked, “Is this okay?”
“Yes.” Regulus smiled.
“What do you want to watch?” James whispered.
“You choose.” Regulus replied. Regulus whisper laughed as James put on 10 Things I Hate About You.

Sunday

Regulus woke up to the sound of James’ alarm and covered his head with his sheets. He didn’t bother waking up early to cover the bruising on his face as the boys saw it after he cried all the makeup off when Walburga showed up. “Regulus.” James said, and just then, the events of the previous night flooded back to him.

‘Sirius is going to kill me’ he thought to himself. He had only just gotten Sirius back. Then Regulus remembered his new living situation after camp. Fuck. He couldn’t go around kissing James and also live with him, what was he going to do when James inevitably got bored, or when Regulus inevitably fucked it up. Knowing James, he would be too nice to kick Regulus out, which would make Regulus feel worse because now James couldn’t be comfortable in his own house.

“Regulus?” James prompted. Regulus wondered what James was thinking. Was James having regrets? Probably not, James, ever the optimist, probably didn’t see any issues with their kiss. “I’m sleeping.” Regulus said as normally as possible.
“Not anymore.” James laughed as he pulled back Lily’s flower-print sheets. Regulus grabbed the pillow and covered his head. James laughed and took the pillow.

When Regulus looked at James, he knew for certain that James didn’t have any regrets. He looked happier than Regulus had ever seen him. His smile was infectious as he grabbed Regulus’ wrists and pulled him upright. “Hi.” he said.
“Hi.” Regulus said back as he adjusted to the increasing pain in his head.
“Is there anything I can do?” James asked.
“No, I’m fine.” Regulus said as he stood up.

The entire walk to the dining hall and the entirety of breakfast, Regulus thought about what he had to do. He had to shut down whatever happened last night. There were so many ways that it would never work, but James looked so happy. Regulus didn’t know how he could ruin that. James deserved the world, and there Regulus was, trying to figure out how to break his heart.

There were only a couple of minutes where Regulus allowed himself to fantasize about the ‘what if’. He pictured himself rolling his eyes but holding back a laugh as James made a dumb flirtatious joke. He imagined waking up next to James, and James, being James, getting up and bringing Regulus tea in bed. He pictured himself during the school year, when he stayed up until 3 am talking to James on the phone. He pictured himself wearing a hoodie that had the last name Potter on the back. He imagined himself teasing James, and James just laughing, because for some stupid reason, he thought Regulus’ insults were funny. Regulus wanted this, he really did, but he couldn’t have it, not with James. It would only end in tragedy.

The one thing Regulus and James had in common was their love for Sirius. If James had to pick, he would pick Sirius; and if Regulus had to pick, he would pick Sirius. That’s why, on the walk back to the cabin, Regulus said: “So, Sirius.”
“What about him?” James asked.
“He wants us to be friends.” Regulus tried.
“He wants us to be happy. We can talk to him, if- if that’s what you want.” James suggested. “James, I’ve lost Sirius once, and I can’t make you go through that for me” Regulus paused, “and I don’t want to lose him a second time. Not when I just got him back.”
“Regulus” James’ eyes started to water “I-I really like you. If this isn’t obvious enough” James laughed, “I meant every second of that kiss. I meant everything I said last night. This summer- I mean I can’t imagine my life without you. I really want this to work. Do you want this to work?” Regulus was quiet for a moment. He wanted to tell James no, he wanted to end it right then and there, but he couldn’t make himself do it. James was what he wanted “Yes, but it can’t.”
“You don’t know that.” James argued.
“Are you really willing to lose Sirius for this?” Regulus asked.
“Are you really not willing to even try?” James countered.
“I’ll ruin your life.” Regulus argued.
“Fuck, you’re so dramatic.” James laughed as he wiped a tear from his face before any of the boys could see. “I’m trying to protect you.” Regulus said.
“Please don’t. I want this, Regulus, I really want this.”
“Right now. What happens when you realize how shitty I really am. You deserve so much better than me.”
“Stop saying that.” James begged.

Regulus opened his mouth to say something when he realized they were already back at the cabin. James must have only just realized this as well and said, “We’ll talk about this later.”

**********

By the time Swim rolled around, Regulus and James still hadn't had a chance to talk. Regulus knew they would have company for the next hour, and hoped that James would use this hour to decide that Regulus wasn’t worth it. There weren’t as many people as there usually were, as a lot of cabins had kids going home, and yet, the audience for James and Regulus’ tension felt quite strong.

“Talk” Pandora said, the second Regulus sat down next to her. Regulus had been avoiding her ever since Walburga left for this exact reason; he didn’t want to talk. “My mom is not happy.” Regulus said.
“I gathered that. Do you want to tell me what prompted this, or should I go off the rumors?” she asked.
“I told her I wasn’t coming home, she didn’t like that. That’s all there is to it.” Regulus said. “And how are you otherwise?” she asked.
“Fine.” Regulus answered.
“Fine?” she asked “You seem off.”
“It’s been a long couple of days.” Regulus said. Pandora leaned forward and whispered into Regulus’ ears “James seems off too.” Regulus looked down as he said
“He probably feels bad that he can’t fix this.”
“I don’t think so.” she argued.
“Pandora, I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I’m not a mind reader. If you want to know what’s wrong with James, go ask him yourself.” Regulus said angrily and walked away.

He started to walk along the beach, but he could feel someone behind him “Pandora, please leave me alone.” Regulus said.
“It’s not Pandora.” came Narcissa’s voice. Regulus mentally prepared for another lecture, but instead she said “I just wanted to tell you that I’m proud of you. Leaving is really scary, but you did it.”
“Thank you?” Regulus questioned, suspicious.
“No honestly, I’m proud of you.” she said with a small smile.
“It’s easier when someone is there to guide you. I wouldn’t have left without Sirius’ help.” Regulus paused “Andy would help you, and so would I. I’d make Sirius help you too. If that was what you wanted.” Regulus tried. Narcissa shook her head
“I can’t leave Bella.” her eyes started to water.
“Bella will be fine. You have to take care of you.” Regulus said, then wondered where he learned to give advice, maybe James had rubbed off on him. “No, and I didn’t come for that, I just wanted you to know that I thought what you did was brave.”
“Sissy” Regulus tried “you can be brave.”
“Not without Bella.” Narcissa said finally. Regulus knew from the look on her face that he wouldn’t be able to change her mind. “You can both leave, and I’ll be here when you do.” Regulus said.
“Thank you Regulus.” Narcissa wiped a tear from her face. Regulus didn’t know if Bellatrix would ever leave, but he hoped that, one day, Narcissa would be able to.

**********

It was only after lunch that James and Regulus finally got a moment alone. The boys were playing tennis, or at least trying to, while Regulus and James sat and watched. “I’ve been thinking” James started
“That’s new.” Regulus joked. James ignored him as he continued
“I’m sure we can get Sirius on board. He loves us, and I agree he might not like it at first, but I think he’d be okay with it. I think if we showed him that this was important to us, he would understand.”
“What if he’s not, and we both lose him forever?” Regulus asked as he looked down at his feet, he couldn’t bear to look James in the eye. “We won’t.”
“You can’t be sure of that.”
“But-”
“But no James. I like you, I really do, and I don’t want to hurt you, but we can’t see into the future. I’m not going to risk losing Sirius again. Worse, I’m not going to risk hurting him again, not after everything he has done for me.” Regulus paused, “That’s my final answer. So can we please just drop it?” Regulus asked.
“Okay.” James said.

Regulus and James didn’t talk for the rest of the period.

**********

James and Regulus spent the rest of the day tiptoeing around each other. Yet, while all Regulus did was avoid James’ gaze, James couldn’t look away. James finally mustered up the courage to talk to Regulus right before the play started, “break a leg.” James said. “You too.” Regulus replied, but still refused to meet James’ eye.

Although there was a lot of tension between James and Regulus, the play had been going quite well. James and Regulus had both managed to block out everything that had been going on between them and just act, that was, until Regulus’ death scene.

“Felix, what are you doing here, you have to go.” Regulus said.
“I’m not leaving without you.” James replied as he started to untie the rope around Regulus. “How are you? Are you okay?” James asked as he helped Regulus up.
“You’re an idiot for coming back.” Regulus said more forcefully than he had ever delivered that line. “You’re my best friend, I’ll be an idiot if it means saving you.” James said, and Regulus thought this meant that James had understood Regulus’ message and would stick to the script.

The gunshot sound effect went off, and Regulus fell to the floor. James kneeled down next to Regulus as he screamed “Re-William!” at the same time Regulus screamed “Felix, go!”
“I’m not leaving you. I need you.” James said, his eyes started to water as he cradled Regulus. “You’ll be okay without me.” Regulus said before he could stop himself. James started to cry as he said “No, no I won’t. Please. We can figure something out. Please.” he begged. James spread the paint from Regulus’ stomach all over his face and in his hair.

“Please, William I-I love you, please.” James choked out.
“I-” Regulus tried, he knew James was impulsive and wore his heart on his sleeve, but Regulus never would have guessed James would be this impulsive. “No, I know. You- you don’t have to say anything. I just- I need you to know how I feel. I can’t lose you without you knowing.” Regulus opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, James continued, “Obviously, I don’t expect you to say it back, but I just need you to know.”
“I-” Regulus started, but he wasn’t as brave as James, and he couldn’t do this with the entire camp watching, so instead, he just pretended to die.

“No no no no!” James screamed as he held Regulus. As James cried, Marlene ran in and pulled him away “No! I can’t leave him!” James cried as he left Regulus alone on the stage.

The stage went dark, Regulus got up as quickly as he could and ran off the stage. He started to run somewhere, anywhere he could be alone, but someone grabbed his arm before he could get away.

Sirius POV

Sirius grabbed Regulus’ arm before he could get away. “I’m sorry.” Regulus said as his eyes started to water. “Come on.” Sirius said as he led Regulus somewhere nobody would hear them.

He didn’t know what he had been planning to say, he had no idea what just happened. Part of him was angry, of course Regulus would do this, of course he would make this kind of mess that Sirius would now have to clean up; and James! What the fuck, Regulus getting attatched to anyone who shows him the smallest bit of kindness is one thing, but James confessing his love to his best friend on stage in front of the entire camp? If James ever tried to call Sirius dramatic again, he would have another thing coming.

Any anger Sirius felt quickly disappeared when they got outside, and Regulus’ few tears turned to choked sobs. “Hey, it’s okay.” Sirius said as he pulled Regulus into a hug. “I’m sorry Sirius.” Regulus cried, but let Sirius hold him. If it were any other circumstance, Sirius would have complained about Regulus getting paint all over him, instead, he said “Don’t be sorry.”
“I tried to stop it.” Regulus cried “I didn’t- I didn’t want you to hate me again.”
“Hate you?” Sirius asked.
“Like after you ran away. I just got you back.”
“Regulus, I never hated you, and you didn’t just get me back, I was always here whenever you needed me.” Sirius said. Regulus didn’t say anything to this, he just kept crying.

Sirius sat with him for the next ten minutes until Regulus calmed down a little bit, then he asked, “Do you want to tell me what led up to this.” Regulus shook his head.
“Okay, well I’m going to go off what I know. James confessed his love for you in front of the entire camp, and you’re apologizing to me, so I’m assuming you two have a little thing going on.” Sirius tried.
“Not anymore.” Regulus cried into Sirius’ shoulder.
“Are you sure?” Sirius asked, he wondered if he and Regulus had witnessed the same play. “Yes, I stopped it.” Regulus said firmly.
“You don’t seem too happy about that.” Sirius observed. Regulus didn’t say anything “Did you want to stop it?” Sirius prompted.
“It was for the best.” Regulus said.

Sirius pulled out of the hug “Regulus look at me” he grabbed Regulus’ face and forced him to look Sirius in the eye “James is an idiot, but he doesn’t do whatever the fuck that was for just anyone. Am I going to kill him later? Yes, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t see that he did it because he cares. I’m assuming from your reaction that you also care. Maybe, just maybe, this doesn’t need to end in you isolating yourself from everyone.” Sirius paused, “I know that’s how you kept yourself safe with them, but our parents are gone, you can lean on people, and it will be okay.”
“I’ll just make him miserable, he doesn’t know how much of a bad person I am.” Regulus cried. “I want you to listen to me very carefully, Regulus. You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to.” Regulus didn’t say anything to this, he just cried and clung onto Sirius.

Once Regulus had calmed down enough Sirius said “I think you’ve had enough excitement for one night. Why don’t you sleep in my cabin tonight and I’ll help James with the kids.” Sirius suggested.
“What about Remus?” Regulus asked.
“Do you want him to join James and I for the night?” Sirius asked.
“No, I just, he probably doesn’t want his boyfriend’s little brother spending the night with him.” Sirius laughed
“Oh, I thought you wanted my cabin to yourself. No, Remus won’t care, he’ll read his book and probably enjoy the fact that nobody is interrupting him every five minutes.”
“But-”
“Just say yes Regulus” Sirius interrupted “Take the night to think things over. Remember that I will love you no matter what and that you are worthy of being loved.” Regulus was quiet for a moment before he said “Thank you Sirius.” Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved Regulus “Go” he paused, “and take a shower or something.”

**********

When Sirius finally found James, he was hiding deep in all the forgotten props, crying next to the change rooms. Sirius sat down next to James and waited for him to start. When James didn’t say anything, Sirius said “So, my brother.” James just started to cry even harder. Sirius wrapped his arms around James and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m sorry.” was all James said.
“For?” Sirius prompted.
“Kissing him and then confessing my love to him the next day.” James cried.
“Wow, you only just kissed him yesterday?” Sirius asked. He had assumed it had been going on for a few weeks, the way the two of them were acting “I’m sorry.” James said again. “Stop saying that, you and Regulus both.”
“I initiated it, so don’t be upset with Regulus. He told me to stop, and I didn’t listen.” James cried. “I’m not mad. I mean, I don’t love it, but what’s more important is that you’re happy. Sure, I wish you picked someone that wasn’t my fucking brother, but I can be okay with it.” Sirius paused, “Maybe just give me a couple of days to be annoyed.”

Sirius thought that was fair. He knew James and Regulus being a thing wasn’t the end of the world, but it was also his best friend and his brother. The immature part of him wanted to tell James he would never have done this to James, but if Moony had been James’ brother, then he probably would’ve done the exact same thing as James. He wanted to be mad at Regulus for picking his best friend, but again, if Remus had been Regulus’ best friend, he probably would have done the same thing. Sirius knew James loved him, and the last thing James would do is hurt Sirius. If he said he loved Regulus, it meant that he cared so deeply about Regulus that he couldn’t imagine his life without him.

James wiped the tears from his face “Regulus said you would hate us.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, you can’t take Regulus too seriously. He’s a dramatic little shit.” Sirius smiled. This got a smile out of James
“He is.” James agreed, “So, you’re okay with this?” James asked.
“Yes, I’m okay with this.” Sirius confirmed.
“Do- do you think Regulus is? He did run away from me.”
“Regulus can’t communicate to save his life, but if he didn’t like you back he would have just told you to fuck off. He ran because he’s scared, he’s scared because he likes you.” Sirius explained. “That sounds like him.” James agreed.

They were silent for a moment before Sirius said, “I told Regulus to stay at my cabin tonight, and I would stay with you. He was pretty overwhelmed.”
“It’s been a long couple of days for him.” James said.
“It has.” Sirius agreed, “Should we go find your campers?”

Just then, James jolted up, “The boys!” he started to run, and Sirius followed. James and Sirius found James’ campers with Lily and Pandora. “Thank you.” James said repeatedly. After his millionth thank you, Sirius dragged him away “Let’s go kids, time for bed.” Sirius said.

The blond kid that Regulus was fond of demanded he see Regulus and when he started to cry Sirius wondered how James did this for the entire day. Sirius only had to do it until 4 pm, then he was free. He couldn’t imagine having to live with children.

James being James, managed to get the kid to stop crying and was surprisingly efficient at getting all the boys to sleep. Once all the boys were asleep, Sirius whispered, “Can I sleep in your bed?” to James.
“I never thought you’d ask.” James smiled.
“You better not try and kiss me.” Sirius said as he got under the covers.

End notes:
Crazy chapter huh? James Potter, the man that you are. But also Regulus trying to apologize for being mean and James being like "You think I'm perfect" he's too once. Then Regulus being like "James stop being so forgiving you deserve the world." He was so mean and it was wrong but they got through it! Also Regulus being like "I can't sleep in your bed where will you sleep?" James really wanted to be like "In my bed with you". And then Jegulus finally kissing! It only took them 143,000 words! Then Sirius' POV! As the oldest child I have a soft spot for Sirius, he really is just trying his best. I couldn't stop giggling and kicking my feet when I quoted book/movie Sirius. Thank you again everyone who has read, enjoyed, commented and left kudos on this fic, it truly means the world to me (Also I am officially done my first year of university which means I have a lot more time to work on this fic)

Chapter Text

TW:
Mentions of rape (it blink and you miss it but it is still there)
Talk of a previous toxic relationship

Monday

When an alarm went off and it wasn’t James’, Regulus was momentarily confused, that was until he remembered the events of the previous night. He pulled Sirius’ covers over his head and waited for Remus to get up and turn the alarm off. When Remus didn’t get up, Regulus crawled down the ladder, grabbed the alarm and threw it at Remus. Remus rolled over and flipped him off “You’re worse than your brother.” he complained. Regulus flipped Remus off back as he grabbed his clothes from the previous day and went into the bathroom to change.

When Regulus walked out of the bathroom, Remus was dressed “It’s unfair that we have to go to breakfast too. Nobody needs me for another hour.” Remus complained. “You have to eat.” Regulus said in what he thought was a good impression of Dr. Pomfrey. Remus laughed as he said “Poor Dr. Pomfrey, she’s had to put up with so much of my shit over the years.” Regulus wasn’t sure what exactly was wrong with Remus, but every summer, Remus spent an abnormal amount of time in Dr. Pomfrey’s office. When Regulus asked Sirius about it, Sirius told him to ask Remus, but Regulus never did.

“You ready?” Remus asked as he slid his shoes on. Regulus grabbed his own shoes, put them on and nodded. As they started to walk towards the dining hall Remus said “Quite a night last night huh?”
“Sorry I went off script.” Regulus apologized.
“That’s not what I meant, and besides, I had wanted to make the play gay, but Dumbledore wouldn’t let me. So if anything, you and James did me a favour.”
“Does James know that?” Regulus asked.
“No.” Remus laughed, “If he did, Dumbledore wouldn’t hear the end of it. The whole camp probably wouldn’t hear the end of it.” Regulus nodded and said
“He’s loyal, that’s for sure.”
“He’s pretty cute too.” Remus added.
“He told me you were his first kiss.” Regulus said, and right after he said it, he regretted it. “You jealous?” Remus asked with a smirk.
“No.” Regulus said a little too quickly.
“It’s okay if you are. Sirius was a little jealous, too, I think. Not of me, of James.” Remus clarified. “I also heard about that part.” Regulus agreed.

Remus was quiet for a minute before he said, “James is a good guy.”
“Ya.” Regulus agreed
“You guys would be good together.” Remus prompted.
“You’re just saying that.” Regulus countered.
“No I’m not. You’re good for him, you can keep him and his ego in check.” Remus joked, Regulus nodded, “Ya, but anyone could do that.”
“Not really. There are very few people in this world that James actually listens to, he listens to his parents, Minnie, sometimes Peter and you.” Remus countered.
“Not you?” Regulus asked.
“Fuck no. I tell him all the time that something is a bad idea, and he does it anyway.”
“Why Peter and not you?” Regulus asked, and immediately wondered where he got the nerve to ask Remus these questions. “Because when I tell James he’s being an idiot, I don’t actually stop him from whatever it is he, and usually Sirius, are trying to do. When Peter tells him he’s being an idiot, he is worried that something bad will happen.” Remus said. That made sense to Regulus; the last thing James ever wanted to do was upset his friends.

Remus and Regulus were late to the dining hall, and everyone had already taken their seats and had started eating by the time Regulus sat down at his table. James didn’t take his eyes off Regulus for all of breakfast. Regulus wanted to know more than anything what he was thinking. He wondered if Sirius had managed to talk James out of his crush, that would be best, Regulus thought to himself. It’s better to be a bit hurt now instead of devastated and heartbroken later.

Regulus expected to get to talk to James on the way back to the cabin, but Leo had other plans. He sat at the steps of the dining hall and refused to move until Regulus picked him up. “I’m not moving if you don’t carry me.” Leo said as he wrapped his arms around Regulus. “Okay.” Regulus agreed.
“You’ve been gone so much recently.” Leo commented. Regulus was about to apologize, but James jumped in, “He’s been here as much as he could.”
“Then why did you tell Sirius that you missed him last night?” Leo questioned.
“You missed me?” Regulus teased. Even though James looked embarrassed, he laughed and said, “Obviously. Did you miss me?” Regulus waited a moment to respond, he pretended to think about it before he sai,d “Maybe a little.”
“Did you miss me?” Leo asked
“Of course.” Regulus responded. James gasped and held his hand to his chest in mock offence.

When they got to the cabin, James said, “Leo why don’t you go inside with the boys and get changed? Regulus and I have to talk about top-secret counsellor stuff. Leo looked reluctant “We’ll be in soon.” Regulus promised
“Okay” Leo said as Regulus let him down “but be quick.”
“We will.” James assured him.

When the door closed behind Leo James said “So last night.”
“I heard you missed me.” Regulus tried to joke.
“Can’t trust any of them, nobody can keep a secret.” James complained, “I did miss you though, a lot. I miss you every time you’re gone.” James slowly reached for Regulus’ hands “I meant everything I said last night.” Regulus opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. “What?” James asked softly.
“I don’t think I’m right for you.” Regulus tried.

He thought about the previous night and how awful it felt to share that moment with James in front of the whole camp. Regulus was very reserved, he didn’t want that. “You are right for me.” James argued.
“I’m not. I can’t be loud like you. I don’t want to be the center of attention.” Regulus tried to explain. “That’s okay, you don’t have to be.” James was clearly confused.
“James, I don’t want to be in a relationship that puts me on display. I’ve already done that, and I hated it.”
“You think I’m like Aubrey?” James asked, and Regulus had never seen him this hurt.
“No, you’re nothing like him! That’s not what I meant” Regulus looked James right in the eye when he said this; he needed James to know that he was a million times better than Aubrey “What I’m trying to say is I didn’t like how public last night was. I liked it when you kissed me after I told you I looked disgusting. I liked how you called me beautiful, and I knew you had to be talking to me, because nobody else was around. I knew you couldn't be lying because it would’ve been the perfect opportunity to be mean.”

Regulus watched as James’ face changed as he finally understood what Regulus had been trying to say. “I liked that too.” James started, “I like when it’s just you and me, you’re less guarded. I want you to feel safe with me, and I’m sorry if you didn’t last night. I got caught up in the moment, but I should’ve waited until it was just you and me.”
“You don’t have to say that.” Regulus paused, “It’s okay if we want different things.”
“Regulus” James sighed, “I meant every word of what I said last night, I shouldn’t have told the whole camp too, but that didn’t make me mean it any less.”

“James.” Regulus shook his head. “Do you remember what you said?” Regulus asked. It was a genuine question, maybe he forgot that he had told Regulus he loved him. “I love you.” James said. So he didn’t forget, Regulus thought to himself.

“James, you just met me.” Regulus reminded him.
“No I didn’t, I’ve known you for years.” James argued.
“But we didn’t start actually talking until this summer.” Regulus said.
“Six weeks is a long time.”
“What if you change your mind?” Regulus asked.
“I don’t think I will.” James said genuinely.

Regulus couldn’t imagine that. He couldn’t imagine someone being so sure about him after such a short time. James knew Regulus wasn’t perfect, he knew Regulus and Sirius had issues, how could he not worry that Regulus was the reason for those issues? How could he not worry that there might be, and were, things he didn’t know?

“Regulus?” James interrupted his train of thought.
“Yes?”
“How do you feel?” James asked. This. This was how James was different from Aurbrey, Aubrey didn’t care about how Regulus felt, and he certainly didn’t care enough to ask how he felt. “Me?” Regulus asked.
“Well, you would be the other person in this relationship. So ya, you, how do you feel about me?” James asked again.
“You know how I feel.” Regulus answered.
“Not really.” James countered.
“I told you yesterday. I like you, I really like you.” James’ face lit up
“You do?” James said as he practically threw himself at Regulus and wrapped him in a hug. “I feel like I have been embarrassingly obvious about it.” Regulus hugged James back, and it was nice. It was really nice. “I’ve been embarrassingly obvious about it.” James argued.

Just then, Leo opened the front door and said, “We’re ready!” James laughed but didn’t let go of Regulus as he said “Alright, we’re coming.” then to Regulus he said
“We should probably get ready too.”
“I am ready.” Regulus told him. James gave Regulus his signature devilish smile as he said “We’ll, I hope you’re ready to go swimming in that then.”

Regulus pushed James away as he said, “I don’t want to go in.”. He didn’t usually care that much when someone threw him in the lake, but this time was different. When Walburga came and took Regulus’ stuff, she left him with only the clothes on his back. Sure, Sirius lent him his clothes and Lily lent him her sheets, but he only had one binder, and it was the one he was wearing. He didn’t want to have to wait for it to dry.

James clearly didn’t get this because he said, “C’mon Regulus, we’re going on the boat. You have to swim with us.”
“I don’t want to.” Regulus said firmly. James’ face changed as Regulus’ tone changed
“Is something wrong? Sirius brought over a couple of bathing suits right? If he didn’t, you can borrow one of mine.”
“I said I didn’t want to.” Regulus repeated.
“Will you tell me why?” James asked. Regulus appreciated that James was taking him seriously, he knew James had promised to respect his boundaries, but in the back of his mind, he wondered if James would uphold that promise even if he didn’t know why Regulus was setting a boundary. “Because I don’t want to.”
“Is it your head?” James asked.
“Yes.” Regulus lied. James didn’t look like he believed him when he said
“Okay, you don’t have to swim. Do you not want to come?”
“I want to come, I just don’t want to swim.” Regulus explained.
“James! Regulus! Hurry up!” Levi yelled when he poked his head out.
“We’re coming.” James said back as he grabbed Regulus’ hand and they walked into the cabin together.

***********

Once they were far enough out, Remus turned off the boat and said “Alright boys, you can jump in now.” James looked to Regulus and asked
“Is your head feeling any better? You can use my towel if you change your mind and want to come swim.”
“You don’t need to worry about my head, but maybe I’ll swim with you guys next time.” Regulus replied. “Of course I need to worry, I’m your-” James stopped himself.
“My?” Regulus prompted.
“Boyfriend?” James asked.
“Are you, you never asked me.” Regulus joked.
“You never asked me.” James crossed his arms.
“Maybe I don’t like you that much.” Regulus said sarcastically. James gasped in mock offence “After everything?” he asked.
“Yep. I guess you’ll just have to ask me.” Regulus prompted.

Regulus tried to hide how much he really wanted James to ask him. He would never admit this, but he was too scared to ask James. Before this conversation, he asked himself: What if James thought it was dumb? Or what if he thought it was assumed? Regulus didn’t really know how relationships worked, the only one he had ever been in he had been forced into.

“Okay.” James smiled, “Regulus Black, you have made this summer the best summer of my life, and now, I can’t imagine my life without you” Regulus wondered if this was how it was supposed to go. He didn’t realize there was a whole speech before it, he was glad he made James ask, because he would have messed this up for sure. “Are you proposing James?” Remus interrupted. James flipped Remus off and continued, “What I was trying to say, is that I don’t know what I would do without you. Regulus, will you be my boyfriend?”
“Yes.” Regulus blushed.
“He said yes!” James yelled. All the boys and Remus cheered as James picked Regulus up and spun him around, he laughed as he said, “You guys are so dramatic.”
“Only for you.” James said with a smile.

***********

When they got to Swim, Regulus didn’t even get a chance to sit down before Pandora grabbed his wrist and started to drag him away. “Where are we going?” Regulus asked. “To talk.” she answered as she kept walking.

Once they were alone, Pandora pulled out a piece of paper “Let’s go chronologically” she said. Regulus still didn’t really know what was going on, but he did know that Pandora wasn’t really giving him a choice; he was going to talk to her about whatever it was she wanted to talk about. “What happened with Mulciber, Avery and Snape?” she asked.
“Nothing really.” Regulus said, it had felt like so long ago that Regulus didn’t think he cared anymore. They were assholes, that’s all there was to it. “You’re gonna need to give me more than that.” Pandora countered.
“They were being assholes, and then Sirius couldn’t just ignore them so they started to hurt Sirius and then I got upset and they didn’t really like that. Hence my face.” Pandora contemplated this response and eventually said, “You know you can talk to me about these things right? I understand hiding it from your campers, but you don’t have to hide it from me.”

Pandora looked genuinely hurt as she said this. Regulus didn’t want to hurt Pandora, but he was so used to keeping things to himself. There was so much that went on in the Noble House of Black that only he and Sirius knew about. For a while, Regulus had wondered if Sirius had told James the extent of the abuse, but Regulus had a feeling that if Sirius had told James about it, he would’ve said something to Regulus.

Sur,e James knew about Aubrey, but did he know about Lucius? Regulus didn’t think he did. Sometimes, Regulus wondered if Walburga even knew what happened when she left Lucius to babysit Regulus and Sirius when they were kids. Did she know about how Sirius would assure Regulus that it would be okay before being locked in a room with Lucius, where all Regulus could hear was Lucius’ moans of pleasure, and nothing from Sirius. Did she know about how, when he was done with Sirius, he would bring Regulus in and do the exact same thing to him? Regulus genuinely didn’t know, but he had a feeling that if he did tell her, she either wouldn’t believe him or wouldn’t care.

For years, Regulus wondered why Sirius was so quiet. Why didn't he protest like Regulus did? Why didn't he cry the way Regulus did? When Sirius was gone, and there was nobody to comfort Regulus afterwards, Regulus finally realized that Sirius didn’t have anyone to comfort him. All those years, he bent over backwards to protect Regulus, but who protected Sirius?

“I’m sorry.” Regulus said to Pandora, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just wanted to protect you.”
“You don’t have to protect me.” she answered.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said again.
“It’s okay, just promise to talk to me next time.” she said, and wrapped Regulus in a hug. Regulus hugged her back and rested his head on her shoulder as he replied, “Okay.”

When Regulus finally broke the hug, Pandora said “Okay, next thing. How are you after your mom’s” Pandora paused “visit?” she finished.
“Fine.” Regulus answered. Pandora gave him a look that said “What did we just talk about”.
“I knew something like that was going to happen, I cut her off so-”
“What?!” Pandora asked. It suddenly hit Regulus that he had not told Pandora what happened after they returned from their day off. “Oh, ya I cut her off.” Regulus explained how he was going to live with James and Sirius, and how he was going to go no contact with his mother. “That’s amazing!” she said when Regulus was finished talking.
“Ya.” Regulus agreed.

“So that’s why she showed up unannounced and took all your stuff.” Pandora said. “She wanted to take me back home.” Regulus paused “My old home.” he finished.
“I’m sorry.” she said “This is the hardest part, I promise. As time goes on, she will leave you alone, and you’re going to be so happy with James and Sirius. With people who love you and care about you. You’re going to be so happy Regulus.” Regulus nodded in agreement. He wasn’t completely convinced Walburga and Orion would leave him alone, but he didn’t want to have that discussion with Pandora.

“So James?” she asked. Regulus couldn’t stop the smile that formed on his face when he said “James”
“That boy has been head over heels for you since the first day of camp.” Pandora laughed. “I don’t think it started on the first day.” Regulus argued.
“The first day.” Pandora repeated. Regulus sighed and said
“Whatever you say.” his smile only grew bigger as he said, “He asked me to be his boyfriend this morning.”
“Really?” Pandora said, and literally started to jump for joy, “Lily is going to be so excited.”
“Lily?” Regulus asked.
“We’ve been waiting all summer for you two to figure it out.” Pandora answered.
“Who else is in this we?” Regulus asked, “And how come none of you told me about this?”
“Barty, Evan, Dorcas, Lily, Mary, me and probably some other people. Also, we kept dropping hints to you, you were just too stubborn to accept them.” Regulus rolled his eyes, is that all you have on your little list?” he asked.
“Yep.” Pandora nodded, satisfied.
“Alright, I’m done with this. I’m finding new friends.” he joked.
“Good luck.” Pandora joked back.

When Regulus sat down beside James, James asked, “How are you?”
“On the hunt for new friends.” Regulus said as he glared at Pandora.
“You can have mine if you want.” James offered.
“I’ll consider it.” Regulus replied. James laughed into Regulus’ shoulder as he wrapped an arm around him. He did this as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and Regulus couldn't help but smile.

Regulus had been minding his own business as he ate his lunch when Sirius sat down beside him. “I hear you’re no longer a single man Reggie.” Sirius said as he messed up Regulus’ hair. “Guess not.” Regulus replied. Even though Sirius told him that he was okay with Regulus and James being a thing, Regulus didn’t know what he was allowed to say and what he was meant to keep to himself. He was also worried that Sirius had lied to him, and he was in fact mad at James and Regulus.

“I was thinking” Sirius strated, “I haven’t had one day off with my baby brother.”
“I didn’t think you wanted to spend your day off with me.” Regulus answered. Sirius’ smile faded as he said “Of course I want to spend my days off with you. I want to spend as much time with you as you will let me.”
“Oh.” Regulus said.
“Regulus,” Sirius grabbed Regulus’ face and forced him to look at him “I like hanging out with you.”
“I guess I don’t resent hanging out with you either.” Regulus said.
“I don’t want you to think I don’t like being around you. That’s just not true.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” Sirius said.

Sirius grabbed Regulus’ juice and took a sip. Regulus was grateful, that was one less sip he had to drink, that was until Sirius grabbed the juice and refilled Regulus’ cup. “As I was saying” Sirius said, “I was thinking that we should spend our day off together. We can go to the Potter’s or get a hotel, and I’ll buy you new clothes.”
“I can buy myself new clothes.” Regulus responded.
“Or I can do it.” Sirius argued.
“Or I can go without you and buy my own stuff.” Regulus said stubbornly. Sirius sighed dramatically, “Fine, but I’ll buy us lunch.”
“Fine.” Regulus said.
“Perfect. How does Wednesday work?”
“It’s probably fine, unless James wants Wednesday.”

At the mention of his name, James perked his head up and asked, “What about me.”
“I’m stealing him for my day off.” Sirius explained. James frowned and said
“You’re stealing him from me.”
“Oi, he was mine first, and yes, I’m stealing him on Wednesday.” Sirius said and wrapped his arms around Regulus defensively. “That’s not fair, I was like one year old when he was born. I didn’t even have a chance to get to know him first.” James complained.
“The early bird gets the worm Potter.” Sirius joked.
“Whatever.” James said and went back to his conversation with Levi.

**************

The rest of the day was quite uneventful, and Regulus thought about how he had enjoyed the domesticity of the day while he and James walked to the dining hall for the staff meeting. James held Regulus’ hand and asked, “Can I hold your hand in front of the boys?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Regulus said.
“Okay.” James was silent for a moment. “I won’t hold your hand in front of the boys if that’s what you want, but can I ask why you don’t think it’s a good idea?”
“I think it could be considered unprofessional.” Regulus tried.
“By who?” James asked.
“Dumbledore.” Regulus responded.

“Did he say something to you?” James asked, it was one of the few times Regulus had seen him angry. “No,” Regulus paused, “but I don’t want him to have to.”
“He doesn’t have to do anything.” James argued.
“I know, but you know how he can be.” Regulus thought back to when he first transitioned, and how he had to fight for Dumbledore to let him join the boys cabin. Dumbledore wasn’t subtle when he said, “It might make some of the actual boys uncomfortable.” to try and convince Regulus to stay in the girls cabin. Dumbledore was the worst kind of person that Regulus had to deal with, because he wouldn’t outwardly say anything, and when Regulus asked, “Why would that make them uncomfortable?” Dumbledore didn’t have the courage to say anything actually hateful. He had just replied with “Well, I don’t care what you do, but some of the other boys might not appreciate your lifestyle being forced upon them in their own cabin.”

It had been such a fight to get Dumbledore to put him in the boys cabin, and Regulus didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. “Then we’ll tell him to fuck off, because I know for a fact if either of us held a girl’s hand in front of the kids he wouldn’t bat an eye.” James argued.
“I know, but I don’t want to fight with him.” Regulus tried.
“You don’t have to, I will.” James said.
“James, I’m tired.” Regulus confessed, “Can we please just leave it alone?” James’ face went from angry to sad as he said “Okay, we can leave it alone.” and wrapped Regulus in a hug. Regulus knew James wanted him to say more. He knew James was waiting for him to open up and tell him why he was tired, but Regulus couldn’t.

When they walked into the dining hall, Regulus and James both went to sit with their respective friend groups. Regulus felt James’ eyes on him the entire time Dumbledore was talking. “And one final announcement” Dumbledore said, Regulus made eye contact with James, motioned at Dumbledore, and rolled his eyes. Regulus held back a laugh as he motioned towards Dumbledore and rolled his eyes back at James.

When Dumbledore was finally done talking, everyone went up to sign up for their day off. Regulus walked over to James and asked, “Is Wednesday still okay?”
“Ya, I’ll probably do Saturday or Sunday.” James said. Regulus didn’t say anything.
“What?” James asked
“Nothing.” Regulus responded.
“Regulus, what’s wrong?” James asked again.
“It’s just- Are you sure you’re okay with me spending my day off with Sirius?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” James asked, surprised.
“Because now you won’t get to spend your day off with him.” Regulus pointed out. James wrapped Regulus in a hug and said, “I’ll be okay without him for one day, but it’s sweet of you to worry.” he finished teasingly.
“Shut up.” Regulus said as he pushed James away.

While Regulus waited for James to sign up for his day off, he felt a sudden sadness creep up on him. He missed his parents. He knew it was silly, there was not one moment that Regulus could think of where his parents were actually nice to him. He told himself this, and yet, he still missed them. Maybe it was because he couldn’t go home, but he had never wanted to go home more. He usually never wanted to leave camp; he would dread the end of summer starting from the first day of camp. He reminded himself of this, but he was still sad.

“Regulus, we’re going to go out on the boat. Want to come?” James asked, then immediately followed up with “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Regulus told him.
“Did something happen?” James asked as he looked around the dining hall for a possible cause of Regulus’ shift. “Nothing happened James.” Regulus said honestly. “But something’s wrong.” James said, and this time he wasn’t asking.
“It’s silly, I’ll be okay in a couple of hours. You don’t need to worry.” Regulus said when he realized he wouldn’t be able to convince James of his lie.

“It’s not silly to feel your emotions Regulus.” James said as he wrapped Regulus in a hug. Regulus didn’t say anything, he just hugged James back. “Let’s go back to the cabin, we can watch a movie or something.” James said.
“No.” Regulus argued, “You said you were going to go on the boat.”
“The boat will be there tomorrow.” James countered.
“And so will I. Go, have fun.” Regulus said.
“I can have fun with you.”
“James, I think I want to be alone.” Regulus said, partly to stop James from missing out, but also because it was true. James seemed to sense the truth in his statement and said, “Okay, but let me walk you back to the cabin.”
“Okay.” Regulus agreed.

At the cabin, Regulus changed into his pyjamas and got into bed. He stared at his empty wall, which was once full of pictures and silently cried. He cried for his parents. Then he cried over the fact that he had just cried for his parents, who had never once given him a reason to miss them. He cried because he was sure that when Sirius got kicked out, he didn’t cry like Regulus did. He cried because he didn’t know why he couldn’t be braver, like Sirius.

James got back a couple of hours later. He whispered Regulus’ name, but Regulus pretended to be asleep. He didn’t feel like talking.

***********

Regulus knocked on the door to his house. When Walburga opened the door, she looked angry “You’re not welcome here.” she said.
“Please, I’m sorry.” Regulus said.
“No.”
“Please mom. I love you.”
“Well, I don’t love you, I never have, and nobody ever will. You’re fundamentally unlovable, you always have been, and you always will be.”
“Mom please.” Regulus begged when the world around him started to shake.

“Regulus,” he heard James’ voice, “Regulus wake up.” Regulus shot up to see James and the boys huddled around his bed. “Let’s give him some space boys.” James said when the boys started to get closer. Regulus wiped the tears that must’ve fallen and said “Sorry”
“Don’t be sorry.” James said.
“Sorry.” Regulus repeated.
“It’s okay, let's go outside and get some air. Boys, go back to bed.” James said, the boys were reluctant as they went back to their beds.

Once outside, James motioned at the steps for Regulus to sit. James sat down beside Regulus and started to rub his back “That was exciting.” Regulus didn’t say anything, he didn’t trust himself not to cry. “Do you want to talk about it?” James asked. Regulus shook his head. James did push, he just continued to rub his back. He didn’t push as Regulus leaned into him. He didn’t push as Regulus started to cry. He held Regulus and whispered, “It’s going to be okay” over and over. Regulus let James hold him, he wasn’t sure what time it was when he finally fell asleep in James’ arms.

Tuesday

When James’ alarm went off, Regulus was surprised to find himself back in his bed. Regulus didn’t make an effort to hide under his blanket like he usually did. Instead, he slowly sat up “Good morning.” James said, with a hint of surprise in his voice. James sat down next to Regulus and asked “How are you?”
“Embarrassed.” Regulus responded.
“Don’t be.” James said. Regulus didn't argue, instead, he rested his head on James’ shoulder.

James didn’t rush Regulus as he slowly got up and out of bed. He waited as Regulus adjusted to the pain in his head from getting up. When Regulus had finally gotten up and out of bed, James grabbed Regulus’ head and said, “Be nice to my Regulus” to Regulus' forehead and kissed it.
“You’re so weird.” Regulus said as he tried to hide how much he liked it.

Just then, Leo grabbed Regulus’ leg and asked, “Are you feeling better today Regulus.”
“I am.” Regulus told him, “Thank you for asking.”
“I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.” Leo continued
“That’s really sweet, but that isn’t something you need to worry about, okay?” Regulus said. “Okay.” Leo agreed, but Regulus wasn’t fully convinced Leo would stop worrying.

**********

For the most part, the day had been pretty uneventful. Regulus had expected so much to change between him and James when they started dating, but nothing really changed. The only real difference was that they had gotten more physically affectionate with each other. They still talked like they used to, Regulus still teased James like he used to and James still worried too much about Regulus like he used to.

Regulus hadn’t realized that a relationship could be this nice. He knew that one could feel safe when they were in a relationship, but he didn’t know that it was the reason one could feel safe. Regulus had often felt like he just wasn’t meant to be happy, but James made him think that maybe he was wrong. Things wouldn’t magically become perfect, as much as Regulus was sure James would’ve loved to snap his fingers and make everything better, Regulus knew it would take time. James made him feel like he was worth the time.

James was, and the boys were about to leave for dinner when Sirius opened the door and let himself in. “You ready?” he said to Regulus. Regulus nodded as he grabbed his bag. Leo ran up to Regulus and grabbed his leg “I’m going to miss you.” he said. “I’m going to miss you too, but I’ll be back before you know it.” Regulus promised.
“Or you could just stay.” Leo countered.
“But then you’d get sick of me. You wouldn’t want that.” Regulus countered.
“I would never get sick of you.” Leo argued.
“You might.” Sirius joked. Regulus flipped him off as he hugged Leo and said
“I really will be back before you know it.”
“Okay.” Leo said as he slowly let go of Regulus.

One by one, the boys hugged Regulus goodbye. When it finally came to James, James said “Have fun.” as he hugged Regulus.
“You too.” Regulus said. Regulus could tell by the look in his eye that James wanted to kiss him, “Not in front of the boys.” Regulus whispered so only James could hear. James looked sad, but then his face lit up, and Regulus knew he had just come up with some sort of idea. He grabbed Regulus’ hand and ran outside the cabin “Stay here boys!” he yelled “And Sirius!” James added.

The second the door closed behind Regulus, James pulled him into a kiss. Regulus kissed him back, but when James tried to push Regulus against the wall of the cabin, Regulus hesitated. He knew James would never do anything to hurt him, but it felt too familiar. James stopped immediately, and Regulus turned James around and pushed him against the wall of the cabin. James smiled as Regulus kissed him.

When they were done, James grabbed Regulus’ hand and walked back into the cabin “He’s all yours Pads.” James said with an evil grin.
“Ew, my baby brother!” Sirius complained. James’ smile only grew as he nodded. “C’mon Reggie, we’re leaving.” Sirius said as he grabbed Regulus’ wrist and pulled him out of the cabin. “Bye boys!” Regulus shouted and then “Bye James!” he finished and winked. “No! Stop that!” Sirius said as he pulled Regulus out of the cabin.

Regulus could only smile as Sirius complained about James and Regulus. Sirius continued to complain for the entire ride to the Potter’s cottage. The Uber driver dropped them off in the Potter’s driveway, as Regulus got out of the car, Sirius asked, “Are you excited to meet the parents Reg?”
“You didn’t tell me Mr. and Mrs. Potter would be here?” Regulus asked.
“Of course they’re here, they live here.” Sirius laughed, and Regulus could tell by his laugh that he had done this on purpose.

“Mum! Dad!” Sirius called when he opened the door.
“Sirius!” Mrs. Potter came running and wrapped Sirius in a hug. “Regulus! It’s so good to see you again!” she said as she let go of Sirius and hugged Regulus. Just then, Mr. Potter came down the stairs, and Sirius threw himself into Mr. Potter’s arms. Once Mr. Potter had finished saying hello to Sirius, he hugged Regulus and said, “It is so good to see you.” Now Regulus knew where James got his love of physical affection from.
“It’s good to see you too Mr. Potter.” Regulus said.
“Oh please, call me Monty.” Mr. Potter replied. Regulus looked to Sirius, this felt like a test. Was he actually meant to call Mr. Potter Monty, or was he meant to insist on being respectful? “He means it.” Sirius said, and Regulus hoped Sirius wasn’t playing some cruel trick on him as he said, “It’s good to see you too Monty.” Mr. Potter’s face lit up when Regulus called him Monty.

“We timed this perfectly, I was just about to take dinner out of the oven.” Mrs. Potter said.
“You didn’t have to do that.” Regulus said, partly because he meant it, but also partly because he had hoped he could get out of eating dinner. “Of course I did, it’s been so long since I’ve last seen you, and now, I get to meet you under different circumstances.” Mrs. Potter said excitedly. Sirius patted Regulus on the back as he said, “It’s too bad his other half isn’t here.” and pretended to wipe a fake tear. Regulus gave Sirius a look that said, ‘I’m going to kill you’. “It is, but we’ll have plenty of time for that in a couple of weeks when camp is over.” Mrs. Potter said excitedly.

Once Sirius, Regulus, Mr. and Mrs. Potter were sat at the table with, what was in Regulus’ opinion, way too much chicken, Mr. Potter asked, “So, how is James?”
“He’s good.” Regulus answered.
“Tell him more Reggie. Is he a good kisser?” Sirius asked. Regulus kicked Sirius under the table as he felt his face turn red. “Leave your poor brother alone, Sirius.” Mrs. Potter sighed and asked, “How’s your first year as staff been?”
“It’s been good.” Regulus said and kicked himself. Did he not know any words other than good? “I like it a lot. I like being someone’s source of comfort.” Regulus tried again.
“That’s really sweet. I think that’s one of the reasons James loves being a counsellor so much.” Mrs. Potter said. Regulus nodded
“He’s really good at it. I don’t think I would’ve adjusted to being a counsellor as well as I did if it wasn’t for him.” Regulus paused “And I’m not just saying that because- you know.” Regulus tried to explain.
“Don’t worry sweetheart, we know.” Mr. Potter smiled at him.
“Actually, I don’t know if we do. I think you’re just trying to get on our good side.” Sirius crossed his arms. Regulus glared at Sirius, he was going to kill him. “Sirius, be nice.” Mrs. Potter said as she gently shoved Sirius.

When her hand made contact with Sirius’ shoulder, Regulus tensed. The only time Regulus saw their mother reach out and touch Sirius was to discipline him. He hadn’t seen a hand be as gentle as Mrs. Potter’s. Regulus tried to laugh with everybody and hoped nobody had noticed his shift. When Sirius put his arm around Regulus, he knew that Sirius had noticed. For the rest of the meal, Sirius didn’t make any jabs at Regulus. Instead, he bragged about Regulus for the rest of the meal.

When they were done eating and finished cleaning up, Sirius said, “Reg I want to show you something in my room.” Regulus followed Sirius into his room. When Sirius closed the door, Regulus waited for Sirius to show him whatever it was he had pulled him away from Mr. and Mrs. Potter for. Instead, Sirius said, “They’re not like that Reg, I promise.”
“I know.” Regulus said, and it was true. He did know. Everything about James screamed that he had loving parents. Yet, Regulus couldn’t help but flinch when he saw Mrs. Potter reach her hand out to Sirius. “I know you know” Sirius started, “and you will adjust.” Regulus nodded. “When I first moved in with the Potters, I insisted on helping, earning my keep. I was setting the table one day when I dropped a plate. I freaked out and started to pick up the pieces of glass from the floor. When Effie bent down beside me, she went to put her hand on my back, and I flinched.” Sirius paused “I had known James and his family for years, and I still flinched. I thought I would be like that forever. I thought I would always be afraid of their touch, even if it was just for a moment, but I was wrong. Now, I lean into them when they touch me.” Sirius grabbed Regulus’ face and forced him to look into his eyes when he said, “Regulus, you’re not going to be like this forever. I promise.” Regulus nodded, but he wasn’t sure he believed Sirius.

He and Sirius were different. Sirius had always believed that their mother was wrong to hurt them. Regulus, on the other hand, wondered if, at times, he deserved it. He believed that if he tried harder, he could make his mother happy. After all, he was far from the perfect daughter Walburga had wanted.

“Speaking of, how are things with James?” Sirius asked.
“How is that speaking of?” Regulus countered.
“Because” Sirius paused to think, “I don’t know, I was just trying to brighten the mood, you weren’t supposed to question me.” Sirius crossed his arms.
“Well I did.” Regulus crossed his arms back.
“How are things with you and James?” Sirius repeated.
“Fine.” Regulus answered.
“Just fine?” Sirius prompted.
“Good. Things are good.” Regulus said.

“Do you feel safe around him?” Sirius asked.
“Of course I do.” Regulus said, surprised.
“Regulus, it would make sense if you didn’t.” Sirius tried, but Regulus really didn’t want to talk about Aubrey, which was what Sirius was not so subtly hinting at. “Why are you doing this?” Regulus asked.
“I’m worried about you.” Sirius admitted.
“What, so I should just never be in a relationship ever again?” Regulus said a little bit too aggressively. “I didn’t say that.” Sirius said calmly.
“What did you say then?” Regulus asked.
“I said that I was worried about you.” Regulus opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius interrupted, “No, let me finish. I’m worried about you because you have been known to push things down instead of processing them, and I think Aubrey is an example of that. I want this thing between you and James to work, but it won’t work if you don’t process what happened with Aubrey.” Sirius finished.

“Fine.” Regulus said and closed his eyes for a few seconds. When he opened them, he said, “Okay, it’s processed.” Sirius didn’t take the bait; he just said
“You never talk to me about it, which is fine, you don’t have to talk to me, but have you talked to someone at least?”
“Ya, James.” Regulus said.
“Really?” Sirius looked hopeful.
“No.”
“Regulus.”
“Sirius.”

Sirius didn’t say anything for a second, and Regulus thought maybe he would give up and let it go. Instead, Sirius said, “I talked to someone about Lucius.”
“Good for you.” Regulus pretended to be uninterested.
“Not James or anyone, but a professional. You can do that too.”
“I know, apparently I can do whatever I want now. I’m free.” Regulus said sarcastically. Sirius appeared to understand that he wasn’t going to get anywhere and said, “Fine, don’t listen to me. It’s not like I’m trying to help you or anything.”
“I won’t.” Regulus countered.
“Perfect.” Sirius started towards the door “I’m going to see if Effie and Monty want to watch a movie. Come if you want.” Regulus didn’t really know what to do. All he knew was that he didn’t want to be alone, so he followed Sirius like he had always done as a kid.

If Mr. and Mrs. Potter sensed the tension between Regulus and Sirius, they didn’t say anything as they turned the TV on to the start of Little Miss Sunshine. Mrs. Potter looked at Sirius and Regulus, who both nodded and sat down.

When the movie was over, everyone went their own way. Regulus had been reading one of the books on his shelf when Sirius knocked and then opened the door before Regulus could say anything. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes.” Regulus agreed.
“Good night.” Sirius paused, “I love you.” he finished and then waited.
“I love you too.” Regulus said, and Sirius’ face lit up.

That night, when Regulus closed his eyes to go to sleep, he told himself he had only said that to get Sirius to leave him alone.

End Notes:
So... James are Regulus are finally dating! But fear not, there will still be angst (because Jegulus duh), but also so much fluff. It's been a long time coming though huh. How long have I been working on this fic for? Probably too long, but that's why I'm going to be more consistent with my updates this summer. Also... Pandora pulling out a piece of paper because Regulus bottles everything up and won't talk about his feelings, she's such a baddie. I love Pandora so much and she deserves the world <3. Speaking of Regulus bottling up emotions, ya, that's gonna come back. He doesn't want to talk about a lot of stuff and that is why a lot of stuff like Aubrey has only been hinted at. But he is going to have to talk about it and process it so... Look out for that I guess. Poor Regulus, but don't worry he's going to be okay... eventually.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I know I say this every time, but it truly means the world to me every time someone comments or leaves kudos on this fic. I know it isn't perfect and there are so many better fics out there, so the fact that there are people still reading means so much to me :)

Chapter Text

TW:
Ed (purging)

Wednesday

Regulus woke up to the sound of his phone. At first, he was annoyed, he went to hang up, then he saw James’ name. “Hello.” he answered.
“Did I wake you up?” James asked. Regulus couldn’t explain it, but he could hear James’ smile through the phone. “A little.” Regulus admitted.
“Sorry, I thought I had waited long enough, but I guess not.”
“No, I should probably get up anyway. What’s up?” Regulus asked
“Not much, I just missed you.” James admitted. Regulus was glad James wasn’t there to see his smile “I miss you too.” Regulus said, and tried to hold back just how much he meant it. “I met your parents last night.”
“You’ve met them before.” James argued.
“Ya, but not” Regulus paused “not as your boyfriend.”

James laughed, “Don’t worry, they loved you.”
“How do you know?” Regulus asked.
“They told me.”
“James, are you lying to me?” Regulus asked.
“No, I would never.” James declared, “I called them last night and they said you were very charming. My dad said you have way better manners than me.” James said with pride. “Are you bragging about me to me?” Regulus asked.
“Ya, you’re the one I need to convince. Everyone else thinks we’re perfect together.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “You’re an idiot.”
“Your idiot.”
“For now.” Regulus said.

Just then, Sirius walked in “Who are you talking to?” he asked.
“James.” Regulus answered.
“What? I just called him and it went to voicemail.” Sirius took Regulus’ phone and put it on speaker “I was on the phone with Regulus.” James explained.
“Is Regulus your best friend?” Sirius asked.
“No, he’s my boyfriend.” James said.
“Exactly, you’re supposed to ignore him in favour of me, your best friend.”
“But he’s so cute.” James pouted.
“James Potter, if you don’t apologize to me this instant, I will leave Regulus here and you will have to spend the rest of your summer without him.” Sirius said.
“I’ll just go get him.”
“I’ll bring him somewhere else then.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. I love you too Pads.”
“Thank you.” Sirius paused, then dramatically said “Now goodbye.” and ended the call.

“I wasn’t done talking to him.” Regulus complained.
“I was.” Sirius shrugged as he jumped onto Regulus’ bed. Regulus threw a pillow at him. “Oi!” Sirius yelled as he grabbed the pillow and started to hit Regulus with it. When Regulus tried to get up, Sirius forced him back down and continued to hit him with the pillow.

Regulus tried to get Sirius off him, but couldn’t, so he gave up and waited for Sirius to stop. He hoped that if he didn’t give Sirius the reaction he was looking for, he would stop, but Sirius knew Regulus too well. He knew that he was annoying Regulus, and continued to do so by hitting Regulus with the pillow for the next five minutes. When he finally decided he was done, he messed up Regulus’ already messy hair.

When Sirius finally got off Regulus and said, “Get dressed, we’re leaving in 45 minutes.” Regulus jumped on Sirius and started to mess up his hair.
“No! Regulus, I just styled it.” Sirius said angrily.
“That makes it even better.” Regulus didn’t stop.

Once Sirius's hair was equally as frizzy as Regulus’, he stopped. Sirius lightly shoved Regulus before he went to the bathroom, where he spent the next hour.

While Regulus waited for Sirius to fix his hair, he decided to explore the Potter’s cottage. Mainly, he wanted to explore the library. He started to look through the bookshelves, and occasionally took a book out to read the back. Regulus recognized most of the titles on the shelves.

He took note of the books and tried to figure out how the books were organized. He noticed that the books were lined up alphabetically, but then every few shelves, the alphabet would restart. After he read the titles of each book and thought about what he knew about the books, as well as what he could guess from the title and cover, he guessed that the bookshelves were organized by genre and then alphabetically. This was, in his opinion, the best way to organize a bookshelf.

“You’re welcome to borrow anything.” Mr. Potter said from behind Regulus.
“Sorry.” Regulus said, he felt that familiar sense of guilt, as if he had been caught for something. “Don’t apologize, this is your cottage now too.” Mr. Potter said.
“You don’t have to say that.” Regulus tried to assure him. He didn’t want Mr. Potter to feel that Regulus had forced his way into the Potter family. “I mean it Regulus. This is your home too.” Mr. Potter repeated.
“Thank you.” Regulus said, but it was practically a whisper.
“Of course. Please, be curious. Look around. Learn about the world around you. Read the books in our library. Write in them if you want to. Then, if you’re feeling ambitious, try and get James to read some of these books.” Mr. Potter said with a smile. Regulus smiled back and asked, “James doesn’t read?” Mr. Potter was quiet for a moment, as if he wanted to choose his words carefully “James is a smart boy, he’s always gotten top marks. He can do anything he puts his mind to. But sometimes, I wonder if he waits to be challenged.”

“What do you mean?” Regulus asked carefully.
“I’ve read some of James’ school essays, and he always blows me away. But I don’t see him read if it isn’t for school. So, a few years ago, I lent him my copy of 1984 and told him that it was one of my favourite books and that I wanted him to read it. A few days later, he gave me the book back, and spent the next week talking to me about it.” Mr. Potter smiled, he looked proud “I asked him questions, what he thought about different decisions the characters made and different themes.”
“Like an essay?” Regulus asked
“Like an essay.” Mr. Potter agreed “And again, he blew me away. He brought up things that I hadn’t even thought about myself.”
“Wow.” Regulus said “Why do you think James doesn’t challenge himself? He challenges me, and his friends.” Regulus noted.
“I think that’s exactly why, James puts all his energy into everyone else. He doesn’t leave space for himself.” Mr. Potter answered.

“That’s why I think you’re good for him, Regulus. You challenge him, and it would be a shame if one day, when I’m gone, there's nobody left to challenge him.”
“Thank you.” Regulus said. He had never felt that he was good for James. He always felt that James was the one with something to offer. Regulus felt like he didn’t deserve James. “No, thank you Regulus.”

In the distance, Mrs. Potter called out for Mr. Potter “Coming darling!” Mr. Potter shouted back. He opened the door and began to walk out, but before he disappeared completely, he said “There was one thing James didn’t tell me when I asked him about 1984?”
“What was that?” Regulus asked.
“He never told me what he didn’t like about the book.” Mr. Potter responded, before Regulus could say anything, Mr. Potter was gone.

At first, Regulus didn’t think much of that. He assumed that James probably liked the book, after all, it was his father’s favourite. Then Regulus thought about how Mr. Potter introduced the book as a favourite, and Regulus realized there was no way James would critique it. There would be no room for James’ hatred of something he knew his dad loved.

When Sirius had fixed his hair, they were finally ready to leave. “Where do you want to go first?” Sirius asked.
“I need sheets.” Regulus answered.
“You don’t like the lilies?” Sirius joked. Regulus didn’t bother to respond.

Sirius plugged his phone into the aux and said, “If you’re going to wear my clothes, you're going to listen to the bands on the T-shirts.”
“It’s not like I want to wear your clothes.” Regulus crossed his arms.
“What about my sweater from the beginning of the summer?” Sirius smirked; he knew he had caught Regulus in a lie. Regulus, however, was too stubborn to let Sirius be right. “I just did that to piss you off.” he lied.
“Sure.”
“You don’t have to believe me for it to be true.” Regulus shrugged.
“Boogaloo dudes!” Sirius sang as he pointed to Regulus’ shirt.
“I hate you.” Regulus said.
“All the young dudes!” Sirius sang. Regulus flipped Sirius off, Sirius kept singing.

***********

“Do you want to sit in the cart?” Sirius teased.
“Do you?” Regulus teased back.
“Fuck you, I’m not even that much shorter than you.”

Regulus remembered the summer they realized that he had finally outgrown Sirius. It was the summer before Sirius got kicked out. Sirius had been talking to James, Peter and Remus as he often was when Regulus interrupted to hand Sirius a ripped-open letter. “You opened my mail? You know you can go to jail for that” he paused, “I think”. Before Regulus could tell him that Walburga addressed it to Regulus because Sirius would throw out her letters the second he saw her handwriting, James said “Wait a minute. Stand back to back.”

Back then, James and Regulus rarely interacted. Regulus had a feeling that James had been scared of him, and he had no intention to change that. Therefore, he didn’t realize James meant him. He looked around for someone else that James could’ve been talking to, but there was nobody.

“Pads, Regulus, stand back to back.” James repeated. Regulus gave Sirius a look that said, ‘Tell your friend that I would rather die than take an order from him’. That was until James said, “I think Regulus is taller.” Regulus had never turned around quicker. Sirius, keen to prove James wrong, also turned around.

“He is taller.” Peter giggled.
“No! This has to be a prank!” Sirius yelled. Remus, James and Peter insisted that it wasn’t a prank, but Sirius didn’t believe them until he stood next to Regulus in the bathroom mirror later that day. Sirius proceeded not to speak to Regulus for the next week. Regulus had never found anything funnier.

“If that’s what you need to tell yourself.” Regulus said as Sirius pushed the cart.
“Shut up.” Sirius said.
“You shut up.” Regulus replied.

First, they went to the bedding section “This one’s nice.” Sirius said as he picked up a hot pink Barbie set of sheets. Regulus flipped him off as he looked for a plain black pair of sheets. When Regulus found what he was looking for, he picked it up and put it in the cart. “That’s so boring.” Sirius said.
“These are the same as the sheets I had before.” Regulus argued.
“Exactly, and I bet mum picked those sheets for you.” Regulus took the sheets out of the cart and put them back on the shelf. “I’ll make a rebel out of you yet!” Sirius chanted. Regulus picked up a set of dark green sheets and put them in the cart. “Maybe you still have some work to do.” Sirius admitted.
“Like your sheets are so unique.” Regulus commented.
“They are!”
“Because Queen is really underground.” Regulus laughed.
“Shut up.” Sirius complained as he started to push the cart.

Regulus followed Sirius to the clothing section. “James and I got a lot of clothes for you at the cottage, so I don’t know how much you really need, but get whatever you want.” To be annoying, Regulus picked up a Nirvana shirt and asked
“What about this?”
“Fuck off you don’t even listen to them.” Sirius took the shirt and put it back on the shelf.
“Did you guys get enough clothes for the summer?” Regulus asked. He had taken a quick look in the closet, but couldn’t remember too much of what was actually in there. “Ya, you’re probably fine for the rest of the summer.” Regulus nodded and walked away.

He wondered if he would find any biners in the store, or if he would have to order them online like he had previously done. “What are you looking for?” Sirius asked.
“Nothing.” Regulus answered.
“You’re obviously looking for something.” Sirius argued. Regulus ignored Sirius and continued to walk around the store. “What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for? What are you looking for?” Sirius asked. “A new brother.” Regulus finally responded.
“But I’ll miss you too much.” Sirius complained.
“Too bad.” Regulus said.

Sirius followed Regulus in silence. Regulus was actually surprised how quiet Sirius had been, that was until he broke his silence to ask: “Why won’t you tell me what you’re looking for?” Annoyed, Regulus whispered
“A binder.”
“Oh, I already ordered you a few. They’re supposed to come today.” Sirius said, as if that wasn’t the last thing Regulus expected him to say. “You did?”
“Ya. The day mum took all your stuff.” Sirius said casually.
“You didn’t have to do that.” Regulus said, but forced his body to not show how touched he was. “I just clicked a few buttons.” Sirius shrugged.
“I guess there are worse things you could’ve done with your time.” Regulus agreed.
“Anything for you Reggie.” Sirius said as he reached out a hand to mess up Regulus’ hair, but before he could reach Regulus, Regulus grabbed his wrist and said, “Not again.”

**********

“I’m hungry.” Sirius said a couple of stores later, “Oh look, there’s a restaurant.” Sirius didn’t wait for Regulus to object before he walked in and asked for a table. Regulus didn’t say anything as the hostess led them to a table. He didn’t say anything when Sirius picked up a menu.

“What do you think you’re gonna get?” Sirius asked.
“I’m not hungry.” Regulus responded.
“Three meals, three snacks.” Sirius said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s what they make you do in recovery. You need to have three meals and three snacks. It doesn’t matter if you say you’re not hungry, you still need to eat.” Sirius explained. “That’s dumb.” Regulus said and Sirius laughed.
“Don’t tell James that.”
“He worries too much.” Regulus argued.
“He cares. It’s actually kinda nice when you let him.”

Regulus stared down at his hands and waited for Sirius to drop it. “If you don’t order something, I’m going to pick something for you.” Sirius said. Regulus rolled his eyes and picked up a menu. Luckily, it was one of the menus that listed the calories. He started to scan the menu for the meal with the smallest number of calories when Sirius said, “And if you get something dumb like a tiny salad with only lettuce, I’ll still order for you.”
“Fine.” Regulus said, he would just throw it up later.

Sirius had said not to get a salad, but he hadn’t said anything about a wrap that he could take apart and only eat the lettuce. When the waiter came to take their order, that’s what Regulus got. Sirius gave him a look, but didn’t stop him.

“This is nice.” Sirius said after the waiter left.
“I’m glad you’re having a good time.” Regulus said sarcastically.
“I am, it’s nice to be able to hang out with my baby brother.”
“Just like old times.” Regulus joked. Sirius laughed
“I like this better.”
“Me too.” Regulus admitted.

When their food came, Regulus felt Sirius’ eyes on him. He had no choice, he had to eat. With every bite, he reminded himself that it would be okay; he would throw it all up later. They didn’t talk much while they ate; they were both acutely aware of Sirius’ eyes on Regulus’ plate.

“You have to eat the tortilla too.” Sirius pointed out after Regulus had eaten the lettuce and chicken inside the tortilla. “Fine” Regulus said as he cut the tortilla into tiny pieces with his knife.

When Regulus finished his food, he said “I have to go to the bathroom.” He started to get up when Sirius grabbed his wrist. “Can you hold it for about half an hour?” Sirius asked, he knew exactly what Regulus had been trying to do. “No, I really have to go.” Regulus said, he wouldn’t give up just because Sirius was onto him.
“Fine, but I’m coming with you.” Sirius said.
“To the bathroom?” Regulus asked.
“Don’t play dumb with me.” Sirius replied as he got up and followed Regulus to the bathroom.

When Regulus opened the stall door, Sirius walked in “Do you really have to come in with me?” Regulus asked. Sirius thought about it for a minute before he said
“Fine, I’ll stay out here, but you have to talk to me the whole time.”
“Fine.” Regulus said, but he knew when he locked the door that he was not going to follow through on that.

“What do you want me to talk about?” Regulus asked
“Whatever you want to talk about.” Sirius answered.
“Okay” Regulus paused as he bent down, “I’m sorry Sirius.”
“For what?” Sirius asked. Regulus shoved his fingers down his throat and threw up. “Regulus! Regulus, let me in!” Sirius banged on the door.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said again and tried not to think about how dirty the floor he was sitting on was. “It’s okay Regulus, just-just let me in.” Sirius banged on the stall door.

Regulus held his legs to his chest, he felt better. He hadn’t thrown up in a while, he hadn’t had the opportunity to. “Regulus!” Sirius called. Regulus didn’t move. “Fine.” Sirius said and crawled under the stall. “Hi.” Sirius said as he crawled over to Regulus.
“I can’t believe you just did that. Do you know how gross this floor is?”
“Only for you Reggie.” Sirius rubbed Regulus’ back.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said again.
“It’s okay.” Sirius comforted Regulus.

Regulus rested his head on his knees. It was true he felt better, he felt bad that he hurt Sirius to do it. Sirius continued to rub Regulus’ back as he repeated, “It’s okay.” They went back and forth with “I’m sorry” and “It’s okay” for the next few minutes.

After a few minutes, Sirius stood up and held out his hand to help Regulus up “Why don’t we go home, I think we’ve had enough fun for one day.” Regulus nodded as he took Sirius’ hand. “I’m sorry.” Regulus said again.
“Regulus, it’s okay. I get it, trust me.” Sirius replied.

Regulus was quiet for a moment. Before Sirius got kicked out, he also had issues with food, it must just come with being a child of Walburga and Orion Black. “How did you get better?” Regulus asked.
“It took time, but mostly the Potters.” Sirius answered. Regulus nodded, but he didn’t think James would be able to fix him like he did Sirius. “But it always stays with you, just a little bit.” Sirius said. This made more sense to Regulus “Like, some days, you won’t think about it at all. But then there will be that one thing, that you never used to eat, and even though you’ve been better for years, you just can’t bring yourself to eat it.” Regulus nodded. “I’m sorry.” he said.
“Don’t be, it’s our darling mother’s fault.”
“Ya.” Regulus agreed.

The car was a few blocks away, and as they were walking, they walked past a flower shop. Regulus hesitated for a moment “What?” Sirius asked.
“I feel like I should buy James some flowers. He’s been so good to me and I haven’t been able to focus all my energy on him because of everything else happening. He deserves to know that I care. He deserves to be cared about.” Regulus rambled.
“Why do you look like you’re trying to ask me something?” Sirius asked
“Should I get James flowers, or is that weird. I mean I don’t even know what his favourite flower is and that’s probably something I should know and-”
“Regulus” Sirius interrupted, “he’s your boyfriend, it’s not weird if you get him flowers. And he’ll love whatever you get him.”
“Do you know what his favourite flowers are?” Regulus asked
“No.”
“Isn’t he your best friend?” Regulus said, he felt this was something Sirius should know about his best friend.
“Ya, he’s my best friend, not my boyfriend.”
“Helpful.” Regulus said as he looked at all the flowers.

Regulus picked out a bouquet with a lot of sunflowers. If James was the sun, then sunflowers made sense. Right? When he looked over to Sirius, he looked worried. “What? Should I not get these?” Regulus asked as he held up the bouquet.
“What? No, get those.” Sirius paused “I just- I don’t know what Moony’s favourite flower is.” Regulus couldn’t help it. He started to laugh
“We’re terrible boyfriends.” Regulus said. Sirius started to laugh too
“The worst.” he agreed. They laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. Sirius actually started to cry, he had been laughing so hard. People started to look at them, but they didn’t care. They were together, and they could laugh. There was a time when this was all Regulus wanted.

*************

When they got back to the Potter’s cottage, Regulus’ binders had arrived. They had about an hour before they had to go back to camp. Mrs. Potter, who was in the living room reading, looked up and smiled at them. “Are those for James?” she asked and motioned to the flowers in Regulus’ hand. Regulus felt his cheeks turn red as he said, “Ya, I didn’t know what his favourite flower was, so I picked these because he’s kinda like this sun.” Regulus explained and was immediately embarrassed. Why could he not say or do anything normally around James’ parents? However, Mrs. Potter’s smile only grew as she said “He’ll love them. And tell him about him being the sun, he’ll love that.” Regulus nodded, but didn’t allow himself to speak. However, he did not plan to tell James that he was the sun. It was probably too soon for that, after all, they did just get together.

**********

The moment Regulus opened the door, all the boys rushed towards him. “Hi” Regulus said, he felt himself smile as he hugged each of the boys. Leo, who insisted on being the first to hug Regulus, wanted to hug Regulus again once everyone else had a chance to hug him. Regulus found that he liked being missed. It wasn’t something he was used to after all.

When Leo let Regulus go, Regulus stood up and looked to James, who tackled him back to the ground in a hug. “Sorry” James said “I just missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Regulus said as he wrapped his arms around James. He didn’t want to let go, ever.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do when summer is over.” James said as he helped Regulus up. “You’ll be fine.” Regulus said, but in all honesty, Regulus didn’t know what he was going to do either. “I got you these.” Regulus said and held out the flowers.

By the surprise on James’ face, Regulus had a feeling he had only now noticed the flowers. “You got me flowers?” he asked.
“No, I just happened to be holding flowers.” Regulus said sarcastically. James laughed as he wrapped Regulus in a hug “Thank you.” he said
“Thank you.” Regulus said back.
“For what?” James asked.
“Everything.” Regulus answered.

“Um, James, Regulus, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I think we are going to be late for Evening Program.” Mateo said shyly. “Shit” James said as he looked down at his watch then looked at the boys and said “I mean, oh no.” James let go of Regulus and said, “Alright boys, everyone get your shoes on and run to the Arts and Crafts building.” James put the flowers on his bed and grabbed his shoes, Regulus was still wearing his shoes, dumped his stuff down and filled the boys out of the cabin.

They got to the Arts and Crafts building just as McGonagall finished her instructions. “Nice of you to join us boys.” McGonagall said as they entered.
“Sorry Minnie, it’s my fault.” James said, because, of course, James would blame himself for this. “No, I also lost track of time.” Regulus argued.
“Black, aren’t you just coming from your day off?” McGonagall asked
“Yes but-”
“Then Mr. Potter should’ve gotten your campers here on time if you were running late.” Regulus opened his mouth to argue when McGonagall smiled and showed them that she was not actually mad. “Well then, maybe Mr. Potter should volunteer to be a part of this activity as a punishment for being late.” Everyone laughed, and Regulus looked to Pandora for an answer. Pandora only laughed as James sai,d “Of course.”

Regulus looked to James, who whispered to Lil,y “What is the activity.”
“Decorate your counsellor.” Lily laughed. James smiled as he looked at Regulus and their campers and said, “We’ve got this one in the bag.” James said.

The basic idea of the activity was that the campers could use anything they wanted to dress up and decorate their counsellor. “You’ve been with them all day, I can do it.” Regulus said to James.
“It’s okay, I would have volunteered anyway.” James said with a smile, and Regulus could tell it was the truth. “C’mon James.” Levi said as he took James’ hand and started to drag him to a chair. James laughed as he sat down “As long as I am the best dressed by the end, do with me what you please!” he announced.

James appeared to be the only one excited to take part in the activity. While Lily and Pandora did rock, paper, scissors to find out who would take part in the activity, Pandora won, Snape and Lockhart argued loudly. Like James, Molly volunteered to take part, and like Regulus, Narcissa only objected a little before she gave up. After a few minutes of the entire Inter unit listening to Snape and Lockhart argue, McGonagall jumped in and said, “Snape, you’re taking part in this activity.”
“How is that fair.” Snape objected like a child
“Lockheart can take part in the next activity.” McGonagall said finally.

Evan and Hestia, who worked at Arts and Crafts, walked around and handed out face paint, beads, pipecleaner and much more. Regulus noticed that Evan only had one bottle of glitter, and he held onto it until the very end when he reached Regulus and James. As he handed the glitter to Levi, he whispered something into James’ ear. James looked panicked as Evan walked away laughing.

Once Evan was out of earshot shot Regulus asked, “What did he say to you?”
“Nothing.” James responded.
“Obviously he said something.” Regulus argued.
“It wasn’t anything important.” James clearly lied. Regulus had a sense that James was not going to talk. “Whatever it was, just ignore him.” Regulus said. James nodded, but Regulus wasn’t really sure he believed that James would in fact ignore Evan.

“Let’s start with the face paint!” Jackson yelled. Nobody objected, and they all went to grab different colours. “You sure you want to do this?” Regulus asked James. James nodded and said, “Yes, and it’s sweet that you care so much.”

Lucas climbed up onto James’ lap “Hi.” James said.
“I need to take your glasses off.” Lucas didn’t wait for a response; he reached out to take James’ glasses off his face, but James moved his head back. “Why don’t you do it with my glasses on.” James said. It came off like a suggestion, but Regulus knew James well enough to know something was wrong. James never moved away when the boys invaded his space.

“But then I can’t do it properly.” Lucas complained. He reached out to grab James’ glasses when James moved back again. Lucas only laughed as James continued to dodge him. James was smiling, but Regulus knew it was forced. “Lucas, why don’t you work around the glasses.” Regulus said, but unlike James, he didn’t voice it as a suggestion. “But nobody else’s counsellor has glasses, we’re going to lose if I don’t take them off.” Lucas argued.
“Lucas, James said no. Either respect that and leave his glasses on or sit this one out.” Regulus said. Lucas was quiet for a moment as he crossed his arms. Regulus did not plan to back down. James tried to apologize. “Fine.” Lucas said and painted right on the lens of James’ glasses.

“Lucas!” Regulus yelled.
“What? I left his glasses on.” Lucas crossed his arms.
“You’re done.” Regulus said, he took the paint and brush out of his hands and pointed at the corner, “Go over there until you are ready to listen.” Regulus said. Their campers were pretty well behaved, and Regulus and James didn’t often have to punish their campers. Lucas looked sulked over to the corner where he sat on the ground.

“Do you want me to rinse those off for you?” Regulus motioned to James’ glasses that he was trying to clean with his shirt. “No, I’ll do it later, but thank you.” James said.
“Are you okay?” Regulus asked.
“Yep.” James smiled a fake smile. One that lacked the light that so often shone on his face. “Okay” Regulus said, but he made a mental note to talk to James later, when it was just the two of them.

“We should dye James’ hair.” Levi said to the others.
“But we don’t have hair dye.” Ethan pointed out.
“But we have this.” Levi held up a bottle of pink paint. Regulus looked to James, who said, “You can try, but I don’t know if it will work.”

Levi didn’t waste another second as he flipped the bottle upside down and started to squirt it out onto James’ head. James hung his head while Levi continued to pour the rest of the bottle onto his head. He then started to run his hands through James’ hair, and coated all his hair in paint.

Regulus laughed as James pushed his hair out of his face. Regulus grabbed a roll of paper towel and handed it to James. “Thank you.” James said as he wiped the paint off his face. “We need to make him sparkly!” Jackson shouted as he picked up the glitter and dumped the whole bottle onto James.

As the night went on, Regulus grew more and more thankful that he was not in James’ position. Especially as James seemed to have it the worst, none of the other cabins tried to dye their counsellor's hair.

“Regulus, I'm going to go to the bathroom.” Jake said and ran off. Regulus noted that and continued to paint suns onto James’ arm. It was a few minutes later when James started to count the boys, James froze and asked, “Where’s Jake?” His eyes started to water as he stood up and called out for Jake. “It’s okay, he’s in the bathroom.” Regulus told him. “Are you sure?” James asked, but not all his attention was on Regulus as he continued to look around the building. “Yes, he told me. It’s okay James, he’s safe.” Regulus assured him.
“I’m going to check, just in case.” James said. Regulus opened his mouth to tell James that he didn’t need to, that Jake would be back any second, but James was gone before he could say anything.

The boys looked at Regulus expectantly, “He’ll be back in a minute.” Regulus tried. When James did get back, his face was blank. “Sorry.” he said as he sat down.
“Don’t be.” Regulus said.

James didn’t talk for the rest of Evening Program. He didn’t do as much as smile when they won. Regulus was biting his tongue. This wasn’t James, but he knew he couldn’t talk to James in front of their campers. As they walked back to the cabin, Regulus reached for James’ hand. “I thought you said not to do that in public.” James said.
“I’ll make an exception, just this once.” Regulus replied.
“I’m fine.” James squeezed Regulus’ hand
“I never said you weren’t.” Regulus countered.

“I’m going to go shower.” James said and walked to the bathroom without another word.

James

‘I'm going to be like this forever’ James thought to himself as he showered. He wouldn’t let himself cry, not yet. Not when he would have to face Regulus and his campers. He would have to wait. Besides, he had come this far, he couldn’t start to cry now.

James showered as quickly as he could and fought back tears the entire time. When he got out of the shower, he changed and rushed towards the door. “I’m going to go hang out with Sirius.” James said. He couldn’t look at Regulus as he walked. He knew if he did, he would start to cry. James didn’t give Regulus time to respond before he closed the door. He felt bad, Regulus didn’t deserve that, especially after what he had been through recently.

James ran behind the cabin and into the woods, where he usually went when he felt like this. It was where he knew nobody would find him. He started to cry as he opened his phone and called his mom. “Hi honey!” she said cheerfully.
“Mum” he choked out, “I can’t do this anymore.”
“James” Effie said, her voice immediately went from cheerful to worried, “what happened.”
“I-I thought that I lost one of the kids again. And I couldn’t breathe. I-”
“Did you find the kid?” Effie interrupted, but James knew that she already knew the answer. “Yes, he was in the bathroom.”
“Okay” she started, “so everything worked out.”

James knew what she was trying to do, it was what she had always done. What everyone had always done. He knew logically it was stupid, but he couldn’t help the fear he constantly felt. “I know it’s dumb but-”
“I didn’t say it was dumb” his mum interrupted
“But it is. Why am I like this? Why am I always going to be like this?” he cried.
“You’re not always going to be like this.” his mum tried to assure him.
“You don’t know that.” James argued.
“I do.”
“How? I’ve only ever been like this. I’ve only ever scared myself with all the things that could go wrong. I’ve only ever meticulously planned out every aspect of every day and planned for everything to go wrong. I’m always worried, I can’t relax. And I don’t think I’m cut out to be a counsellor. I’m so bad at this and-”
“James stop.” his mum interrupted “You’re a great counsellor. And you’re going to be okay. Remember what your therapist told you. When you feel like this, name five things you can see, four things you can touch-”
“I tried. It didn’t work. Nothing works” James cried “I’ve tried all the exercises she told me to do, and I’m still like this. I want to come home, I can’t do this.”
“James, you can’t come home.”

“Please.” James begged, “It won’t be like last time. I’ll still leave the house I just- I can’t be responsible for this many kids. I can’t do this.”
“You can, you’ve been doing it for six weeks, and you’ve been doing an amazing job.” his mum tried. “No I haven’t.” James argued.
“How haven’t you been doing an amazing job?”
“Yesterday Jackson cut his knee.” James said.
“James, kids cut their knees. If that made you a bad counsellor, then I would be a terrible mother.”
“But this is different.” James argued.
“How?” Effie asked.
“It just is. Mum I can’t do this. Every second of every day, I’m worried something will go wrong. And what excuse do I have for being like this. Regulus is having the worst week of his life, and here I am crying to you because I thought I lost a kid when he was in the bathroom.”

“Don’t do that. Just because Regulus’ circumstances are different from yours doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to feel the way you feel.”
“I know, but it’s still different.” James argued
“You just told me you don’t want to feel like this, doesn’t that mean that you can’t control how you’re feeling?” Effie asked.
“Yes but-”
“No buts, it isn’t a competition. You’re both allowed to be upset.” Effie said.

Logically, this made sense. It was the same thing everyone told him over and over. The same thing he told himself over and over, and yet, he couldn’t get his brain to believe it. He couldn’t help but feel that he had no right to feel the way he felt, which only made him feel worse because why couldn’t he just not be like this?

Why was he bothering his mother with this? All she could do was tell him the exact same thing she’s already told him. She couldn’t fix this, she’d only worry. All James had done was make things worse by calling his mum. At least before, one of them was fine, but now both of them were anxious.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, this was stupid.” James said.
“That’s not what I said.”
“I’m sorry I bothered you with this again, I’ll leave you alone now.” James said and hung up. His mum tried to call him again, James only answered because he couldn’t imagine hanging up on his mum. “Mum, I’m fine. I’m sorry I bothered you.” James said.
“You didn’t bother me.”
“I did, it’s okay.” James assured her.

“James, I don’t think you should be alone right now. Where’s Regulus?” Effie asked. “In the cabin.” James answered.
“Why don’t you go be with him.” his mum suggested.
“Okay.” James said.
“Why don’t you go now.”
“I’ll go in a few minutes.” James didn’t want Regulus to see him like this. Especially when Regulus had had a way worse week than him. “He’s your boyfriend. You can talk to him.” his mum said.

“I know, but I don’t want to overwhelm him.”
“With what?” Effie asked.
“Me.” James answered.
“James, go talk to your boyfriend.”

It’s just, James knew he could be a lot. He knew that he clung onto people too hard. Told them he loved them too soon. Thought about their future when they weren’t even dating. He didn’t mean to, he wished his heart would slow down, but patience was never something James had been good at.

This couldn’t be what Regulus wanted. After all, Regulus tried to push James away after they first kissed. Then James went and told him he loved him. Soon, Regulus would realize how crazy James was, and he would leave him. James’ love suffocated people, and he wished he could be different, but he didn’t know how.

“Okay, I’m going.” James said.
“I love you.” his mum said.
“I love you too.” James said back “Bye.”
“Bye.” Effie said, and James hung up.

James stayed in the woods for another 20 minutes. Once all the emotion was gone from his face, he went back to the cabin. “Hi.” James said with a smile on his face as he opened the door. “Hi.” Regulus said back, he looked suspicious, but if there was one thing James was good at, it was pretending everything was fine.

The boys all climbed out of their beds to hug James. “Hi guys.” he said as he hugged them. “We missed you.” Levi said.
“I missed you guys too.” James replied, and once he had hugged each of them, he said, “Okay, fun’s over. Back to bed everyone.” the boys grumbled complaints as they walked back to their bed.

“How’s Sirius?” Regulus asked.
“He’s fine.” James answered.
“What are you doing now?” Regulus asked.
“Hanging out with my gorgeous boyfriend.” James smiled.
“Right answer.” Regulus said as he patted the spot next to him.

James practically jumped onto Regulus’ bed where they spent the next few hours in whispered conversation. When Regulus fell asleep, James went back to his bed, where he silently cried until he fell asleep.

Notes:
Look at me updating this fic twice in one month! This hasn't happened in so long!

So.... did we have fun? Poor James. I want you guys to know that he is always anxious but he is very good at hiding it so Regulus doesn't often pick up on it. Since this fic is told through Regulus' pov for the most part it's important to remember there are things he doesn't know. James is like "I can't complain about my problems while Regulus is going through hell with Walburga and Orion." Bestie, yes you can. Listen to your mom and talk to Regulus, he wants to help.

Regulus is literally out here like I'm going to buy you flowers because you're always doing stuff for me but I need to do stuff for you too. He is here for you James.

I say this like I'm not the one writing it. I'm sorry I will make it better soon.

Also... The Black brothers, getting along (for the most part) I love it so much and I have been waiting so long to get here where I can write them getting along.

Anyways, that's all for today. Thank you so much to everyone who has left comments, kudos or even just sat down to read the fic. It means the world to me that people are having as much fun reading this as I am writing it :)

Chapter Text

TW
Over medicating (idk if this is the right wording, but basically someone is taking more of their medication than they were prescribed)
Talk of mental health struggles (James is going through it)

Thursday

When James’ alarm went off, Regulus ignored the rush of pain in his head as he quickly got out of bed and went straight to James. James didn’t get the chance to sit up before Regulus sat on his bed and said “Good morning”
“Morning.” James smiled.

This smile felt genuine, but Regulus was still worried about James. Something was wrong last night, and Regulus didn’t think that whatever it was had fixed itself overnight. James sat up and wrapped his arms around Regulus “This is nice” James said.
“It is.” Regulus agreed.

“Is everything okay?” James asked, quiet enough that only Regulus could hear him. “Yes, is everything okay with you?” Regulus countered.
“Of course, I was just wondering what I did to lure you over here so quickly. I thought it would take ages to get you into my bed.” James whispered. Regulus felt his face turn red “You’re an idiot.” he said as he stood up and walked back towards his own bed to get his shoes. James only laughed as he grabbed his shoes.

************

As James and Regulus followed the boys up the stairs of the dining hall, Regulus spotted Sirius. “I have to go ask Sirius something. Can I meet you guys at the table?” Regulus asked. “Of course.” James said.

Regulus ran off and snuck up behind Sirius. As Regulus messed up Sirius’ hair Sirius yelled “Fuck off!” and started to mess up Regulus’ hair. Regulus had expected this and moved out of Sirius’ reach. “Hi.” he said.
“What do you want?” Sirius asked as he tried to fix his hair.

“Did James seem off to you last night?” Regulus asked.
“I didn’t see James last night.” Sirius said as if this was the last thing he expected Regulus to ask. “At all?” Regulus prompted.
“No, I didn’t see him at all yesterday.” Sirius stated, and Regulus could tell that he was thinking back on the previous day. “Why?” he asked.
“When we got back from Evening Program, he left and said he was going to hang out with you.” Regulus said.

He wondered if James did this often. If he claimed he would be with his friends when really he had been doing whatever it was he did last night. But James wasn’t really the type to lie. “Well he wasn’t with me.” Sirius said, Regulus watched as Sirius tried to hide the worry from his face.

“What?” Regulus prompted.
“Nothing.” Sirius replied.
“It’s obviously something.” Regulus countered.
“It’s just, James isn’t really the kinda guy to lie about where he’s going.” Sirius said.
“That’s what I was thinking.” Regulus paused “Where do you think he went?”
“I don’t know-” Sirius started and then interrupted himself, “wait, why did you ask me if he seemed off?” he asked
“He seemed upset.” Regulus said.
“He looks fine now.” Sirius pointed out. Regulus looked at James, who was laughing with the boys as if the past night hadn’t happened. “That’s what I’m worried about.” Regulus said. “I’ll talk to him later, but maybe keep an eye on him.” Sirius said.
“Okay.” Regulus replied.

*************

Their first period of the day was paddleboards at The Point. “Will you go on a paddleboard with me?” James asked Regulus as all the boys chose their partners and started towards the paddle boards. “It doesn’t look like I have any other options.” Regulus jokingly looked around. “Just for that, I’m going to push you in.” James threatened with a smile. “I’ll drag you down with me.” Regulus taunted.

“Will you two stop flirting and pick a paddleboard already.” Dorcas begged.
“If I’ve had to watch you flirt with McKinnon all summer, you can wait a few seconds while I flirt with my boyfriend.” James said as he wrapped one arm around Regulus and used the other hand to flip Docas off. Dorcas laughed as she walked up to James and pushed him over into the water “Hey.” James complained. He went to chase after Dorcas but Regulus stopped him, “Come on, let's go watch the boys.”

James looked to see the boys out in the water. His smile disappeared as he got on the paddleboard “Ya, we need to catch up with them.” James agreed. Regulus got on the paddleboard behind James and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” James said, and if Regulus didn’t know James better, he would’ve thought James was telling the truth. Regulus didn’t push.

Regulus knew he needed to wait to get James alone. For the rest of the morning, he looked for an opportunity to talk to James, but there was always someone else there. It wasn’t until the last period of the day when James and Regulus sat down to watch the boys play tennis, which although not completely alone, Regulus had a feeling this was the best he would get for a while.

“What did you and Sirius do last night?” Regulus asked casually.
“Not much, just kinda walked around.” James answered.
“James, what’s going on?” Regulus asked.
“What do you mean?” James tried.
“I know you weren’t with Sirius last night.” Regulus admitted.

James’ fake smile disappeared. His eyes started to water as he said, “Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t mean to lie to you.”
“I’m not mad at you, I’m worried about you.” Regulus said.
“Don’t be.” James smiled “I’m fine.”
“Then where were you?” Regulus asked again.
“I was calling my mum.” James said. Regulus waited for James to say more, but he didn’t.

He had a sense that James had told him the truth, but Regulus didn’t understand why James wouldn’t have just told him that in the first place. “Did she help you with what was bothering you?” Regulus asked.
“Yes. I’m fine now.” James claimed.
“It’s okay if you’re not.” Regulus said
“I know, but I am okay.” James tried to assure Regulus.

Regulus wanted to push, but he didn’t know where the line was. He didn’t know if it was his place, but then he remembered that James always pushed even if it wasn’t his place. He always did it out of love, and it always seemed to work out.

“James, I don’t know if I believe you.” Regulus said.
“Why not?” James smiled.
“Something was wrong last night, and whatever it is, it’s still bothering you.” Regulus started, “I understand if you don’t want to talk to me about it, but I’m worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about Regulus.” James said finally.

“James, I know something’s wrong.” Regulus pushed. James turned his head away and said “I’m fine.”
“James.” Regulus said.
“Regulus.” James replied, he continued to look at the trees. Regulus wanted to grab his head and force James to look at him “Look at me” he said instead.
“Regulus please.” James didn’t turn around.

Regulus wrapped his arms around James and rested his head on James’ shoulder. He didn’t say anything, as he held James. James didn’t say anything as he leaned into Regulus. Regulus wanted so badly to pull James’ head back and look at him, but he didn’t push James anymore.

By the time the period ended, James had managed to put his mask back on and told the boys how great they were at tennis. Regulus was pretty sure he only saw most of them actually hit the ball once, but that was what Regulus loved about James. He cheered everyone on, and made them feel like they could do anything, be anything.

It didn’t escape Regulus’ notice that James barely made eye contact with him on the walk back. Regulus tried not to take it to heart, after all, he was much worse when he was upset about something. If he could throw a plate in James’ direction, James was allowed to avoid eye contact.

When they walked into the cabin, Sirius was there, sat on James’ bed. “Hi.” James said, surprised. “Hi.” Sirius said, he made quick eye contact with Regulus before he looked back to James. “To what do we owe the pleasure?” James joked.
“What, I can’t want to hang out with my best friend?” Sirius protested.
“You can, but I know you, you have an ulterior motive.” James stated.
“I had a new idea for a prank.” Sirius grinned “Come outside with me.” he said as he stood up and walked towards the door. With a smile, James followed.

Regulus wasn’t too worried when Sirius and James first left, but as dinner began to approach, he began to worry. When it hit the time they usually left for dinner, Regulus looked out the window. James and Sirius weren’t there. Regulus waited another five minutes before he said, “Alright boys, we should head to dinner.”
“What about James?” Levi asked.
“He’ll probably meet us there.” Regulus said
“You promise?” Levi asked.
“Yes.” Regulus said, more for himself than Levi.

Regulus was worried. He didn’t know what was wrong, and the longer James and Sirius were gone, the more Regulus started to think that something was really wrong. Regulus had a feeling that it was only because he promised the boys James would be at dinner, that they actually listened and got to dinner on time.

“You promised!” Levi shouted when they got to the dining hall, and their table was empty. “I thought he was going to be here.” Regulus tried.
“I’m not eating until James gets here.” Levi stated. Regulus opened his mouth to argue when McGonagall appeared. “James will be back after dinner.” she said.
“Is he in trouble?” Oliver asked, “I think he was just joking about the prank.”
“He’s not in trouble.” McGonagall confirmed, “And what prank?”
“Prank? Did I say prank, I meant Frank, that’s my friend.” Oliver tried. From the expression on McGonagall’s face, Regulus had a feeling she didn’t believe him.

“Well, I’ve come to eat dinner with you guys since Dr. Pomfrey won’t be joining you today.” McGonagall said.
“Is everything okay?” Regulus asked. He wanted to know if Dr. Pomfrey was with James, but he couldn’t ask in front of the boys. McGonagall seemed to pick up on this and said “Yes, everyone is okay.” Regulus nodded.

Once they all sat down McGonagall didn’t waste a second filling Regulus’ bowl with pasta. Regulus wanted to fight with McGonagall about the amount of food she put in his bowl, but he was a little afraid of her. He also didn’t want to upset her, because his whole life he had been taught if someone has something you want and you upset them, they will rip it away from you. Regulus didn’t want McGonagall to rip information about James away from him.

When everyone had finished eating, McGonagall whispered, “I’m not sure if James will make it to Evening Program, if he’s still with Dr. Pomfrey at the end of the night, go knock on Dr. Pomfrey’s door.”
“Is he okay? What’s wrong?” Regulus whispered back.
“He’s okay, I’ll let him talk to you about it.” she said. Regulus nodded. McGonagall said to everyone “Well, this has been lovely but I have to get back to work now.”

“Where’s James?” Levi asked again
“He’ll be back soon.” she said before she walked away. All the boys looked to Regulus. Regulus wanted to tell them that he had no idea what to do. That they should stop looking to him for directions. That he was not someone to look up to. That he was just as scared as they were. He couldn’t do that. “Hear that? James will be back soon. Let’s go back to the cabin and get ready for Evening Program.” Regulus tried to smile but he knew how fake it must’ve looked.

***********

Once Evening Program started and the kids were distracted with the game they were playing, Lily sat down next to Regulus and asked “Where’s James?”
“With Dr. Pomfrey.” Regulus answered.
“Is he okay?” she asked, worried.

Until this moment, Regulus didn’t know how much he needed to talk about James. He had been holding it together for the kids, but he was worried. He didn’t know what to do. “I don’t know. Something was wrong last night so I talked to Sirius about it and they left after last period and I haven’t seen him since.” Regulus rambled.
“Oh.” Lily said
“What?” Regulus asked.
“I thought he seemed off last night too. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was fine. I should’ve pushed more, I knew he wasn’t okay but I just accepted it when he told me he was fine.” The fact that Lily looked stressed did not make Regulus feel any better. “It’s not your fault.” he told her.
“I know. I just feel terrible. James is so good. He’s always there for me, he’s there for everyone. I wish I could make this better for him.” she said.
“Me too.” Regulus agreed.

Regulus and Lily talked about James for the rest of Evening Program. Since Pandora was on her day off it was just the two of them. In a way, it was comforting to know that there were other people who were worried. It made him feel less crazy for being worried.

************

The second Fabian arrived to watch over the boys, Regulus ran to Dr. Pomfrey’s office. “James!” he shouted as he opened the front door.
“Regulus.” came James’ voice, but it was different, his voice was quieter than usual. It wasn’t the voice that demanded the attention of everyone in the room. It wasn’t the voice that drew everyone in, that let them know they could trust James. This voice wanted to hide from everything and everyone.

Regulus walked down the hall and followed the sound of that voice, the one that shouldn’t be James’. The door to the room he was in was open and James was sitting on a spare bed with Dr. Pomfrey one side and Sirius on the other. Regulus wrapped James in a hug. James buried his face in Regulus’ shoulder, and in that moment, Regulus knew he wouldn’t be the one to break the hug. He would hold James as the world collapsed around him if that's what it took. He would be there for James, as long as he needed him.

When James finally broke the hug, he looked up at Regulus and said “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” Regulus said. Dr. Pomfrey not so subtly stood up so Regulus could sit down next to James. “Sirius, why don’t we give these two a minute.” Dr. Pomfrey said; Sirius nodded and followed her out of the room.

Regulus grabbed James’ hand and asked “What happened?”
“It was dumb.” James responded, he rested his head on Regulus’ shoulder.
“Don’t do that.” Regulus said. He ran his other hand through James’ hair “I think you still have some glitter in your hair.” he said to ease the tension.
“Probably.” James agreed.

“James, I’m worried about you.” Regulus admitted.
“Don’t be. I just get anxious sometimes, it’s not that big a deal.” James said as if they weren’t sitting in Dr. Pomfrey’s office and James hadn’t been gone for the past few hours. “Is that what happened?” Regulus asked carefully.

“Ya, I tried to stop it, but I couldn’t. I’m just like this.” James said so quietly Regulus almost didn’t hear him. “What do you mean you tried to stop it?” Regulus asked. “Did you talk to Sirius?” James asked.
“This morning.” Regulus replied.
“I think he’s mad at me.” James said. Regulus wasn’t sure what this had to do with his question, but he didn’t want to upset James. “I don’t think he’s mad at you.” Regulus tried. “And he’s probably going to talk to my parents, and they’re going to be mad at me.” James continued.

“Why would they be mad at you?” Regulus tried. James was quiet for a long time. Regulus thought he didn’t want to talk anymore, and Regulus wouldn’t make him. He continued to run his hand through James’ hair. “I take medication for my anxiety, but it wasn’t working and I didn’t want to feel like this. So I took more.” James said.
“How much more?” Regulus asked and squeezed James’ hand.
“Double what I was supposed to take.” James answered.

He started to cry and said “I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to feel like this anymore.”
“It’s okay.” Regulus said, he rested his chin on James’ head while James cried into his chest. Regulus was quiet as he held James and continued to run his hand through James’ hair.

As he held James, he knew he would do anything for James’ pain to stop. He wished he could take it as his own. James didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to hurt the way Regulus deserved it. It wasn’t fair, James had done everything right, he was so good. Why didn’t he get to be happy?

While Regulus thought about all the things he would do to end James’ pain, he came to the terrifying realization that he loved James. Maybe he had always known, and was too afraid to admit it. Maybe he had loved James for long before this. How terrifying was that?

Regulus loved James, but loving someone never ended well for him. He had loved Sirius, and then Sirius left him. He had loved his parents when all they ever did was hurt him. Now, he had given James this chance, the chance to ruin him. He didn’t want to open a window for this hurt, but one didn’t just decide not to be in love.

Love didn’t allow for choice. Regulus could push it away, try and protect himself, but in doing that, he would only hurt himself. Love was a trap. There was no way to save yourself. All he could do was love James and hope it wouldn’t end in a great big tragedy.

“James.” Regulus said.
“Ya.” James looked up at him. ‘Say it’ Regulus thought to himself, ‘tell him’. When Regulus opened his mouth, he fully intended to tell James he loved him, but instead, he said “It’s going to be okay.”
“What if it won’t?” James asked, his face wet with tears.
“Then I’ll set the world on fire for you until it is okay.” Regulus said. James, to Regulus’ surprise, laughed, “You’re so dramatic.”
“I’m serious.” Regulus said.
“No, you’re Regulus.” James replied. Regulus rolled his eyes
“Just for that I’m not setting the world on fire for you.” Regulus said. James wiped his tears and said “That’s probably for the best, I can’t have you going to jail.”
“They wouldn’t catch me.” Regulus said.
“I’m sure they wouldn’t.” James hugged Regulus.

They sat there and talked about anything and everything. Regulus didn’t know how much time had passed; all he knew was that James was coming back. He laughed, and it was real. He smiled, and it was real. He joked, and it was real. He wasn’t okay, Regulus knew that would take time, but he was trying to be.

Regulus pulled the covers over James, who had fallen asleep listening to Regulus talk about his favourite memories of James over the summers. When he was sure James was asleep, he whispered, “I love you”. James snored in response. Regulus kissed his forehead and left.

Dr. Pomfrey waited outside with a book in hand. “I sent Sirius back to his cabin a couple of hours ago.”
“Sorry we kept you here for so long.” Regulus looked at the clock to see that it was 3 in the morning. “Don’t apologize, I had been meaning to get some reading done.” she motioned at her book. “Well I’m glad we could be of service.” Regulus joked.

“Is it okay if he stays here for the night? I don’t want to wake him up.” Regulus asked. “Of course, I’ll come back first thing and bring him to breakfast if he is up for it.” Dr. Pomfrey replied. “Thank you.” Regulus said.
“No, thank you Regulus.” she said. Regulus smiled
“Goodnight Dr. Pomfrey.”
“Goodnight Regulus.”

When Regulus got back to the cabin, Fabian was asleep in James’ bed. ‘Fair’ Regulus thought, he was meant to come back at midnight so Fabian could go. He would apologize in the morning. Regulus changed and got into his own bed, and it didn’t take long for him to fall asleep.

Friday

Regulus groaned when his alarm went off. When he rolled over and saw messy red hair in James’ bed, he momentarily forgot the events of the previous night. Fabian also seemed confused as he sat up. “You didn’t wake me up.” he complained “And where’s James?” he asked.
“Maybe he’s in your bed.” Lucas suggested. Regulus couldn’t help but laugh as he sat up.

“I should go, I’ve done enough overtime.” Fabian complained as he got up.
“Sorry.” Regulus said.
“It’s fine. Potter has one of those foam things on his mattress.” Fabian said with a smile to show Regulus he wasn’t actually mad.

“Where is James?” Levi asked.
“He should be at breakfast.” Regulus said in answer.
“You said that about dinner.” Levi crossed his arms.
“He told me he would meet us at breakfast.” Regulus tried.
“Did you guys set up the prank together?” Lucas asked.
“Prank?” Regulus asked, then remembered Sirius’ excuse for taking James away. “Oh, no, I saw him after that.”

“What’s the prank?” Andrew asked.
“You’ll find out soon.” Regulus said, but he hoped that wasn’t true as he was never entertained by the Marauder’s pranks. “At breakfast?” Ethan asked.
“Maybe.” Regulus said.
“Prank!” all the boys yelled as they ran to get their shoes. Regulus hadn’t realized this made the boys so eager to get ready, or he would’ve tried it a long time ago.

************

Regulus was relieved when he walked into the dining hall and James was at their table with Dr. Pomfrey. Regulus knew the second he saw them because he smiled and looked directly at Regulus. Regulus smiled back as all the boys ran to hug James.

The boys harassed James with questions about where he was and what the prank was. Counsellors were typically meant to sit on opposite sides of the table, but nobody said a thing as Regulus sat down next to James. “You should’ve woken me up.” James said as Regulus sat down. “You never wake me up.” Regulus countered.
“Fair enough.” James smiled, “But I missed you.”
“I was gone for five hours.” Regulus reminded him.
“I know, it was way too long.” James complained.
“You were asleep for most of it.” Regulus argued.
“I missed you even in my dreams.” James said.
“You’re ridiculous.” Regulus shook his head.

Regulus watched as James listened to all the boys tell him about their night. He couldn’t help but smile at how engaged James was with each story. While they were eating, Regulus saw a pair of arms wrap around James from behind. “Pete!” James said as he got up to hug Peter. “I talked to Sirius.” Peter said, he looked worried.
“You know how dramatic Sirius can be.” Regulus could tell James had tried to sound casual, but nobody bought it. “James.” Peter said.
“I’m okay Pete, really.” James said.
“Now you’re starting to sound like Remus.” Peter said.
“But when Remus says he’s fine he actually isn’t. I am fine.” James argued then said “Speaking of Remus, you have to tell me what you guys came up with last night.”
“Only if you tell me how you’re feeling.” Peter countered.

James seemed to genuinely think about it for a moment before he said “I really don’t want you to worry.”
“Then I guess you won’t know what the plan is.” Peter said and started to walk away.
“No! Peter! Come back!” James followed. Peter started to run, therefore, James started to run. Regulus rolled his eyes as he went back to his breakfast.

Regulus thought he would have a chance to talk to James on the walk back to the cabin, but the boys had other plans. They continued their breakfast conversations with James, and Levi held James’ hand like he thought James would run away at any moment.

Their first period, rock climbing, was when Regulus finally got the chance to talk to James. “How did you sleep?” he asked.
“Fine. You could’ve woken me up.” James answered
“I could’ve.” Regulus agreed. When Regulus didn’t say more James sighed
“Did you talk to Sirius?” he asked.
“No, Sirius was gone when I left, but I’ll talk to him tonight.” Regulus said, he didn’t see the point of hiding it. He was worried. Sirius was worried. They were obviously going to talk about it. After all, Regulus knew Sirius and James had countless conversations about Regulus over the years.

“Did you talk to Dr. Pomfrey?” James asked.
“No, and I won’t, that’s different.” Regulus answered. He knew even if he asked Dr. Pomfrey about James she wouldn’t tell be allowed to tell him about what James had said to her. He also knew that Dr. Pomfrey was not the type of doctor to take bribes, unlike Regulus’ doctors. Not that Regulus would ever do that, everybody deserved privacy.

“I have to see her at the end of the day every day now.” James said. Regulus let out a small laugh “She’ll probably have nightmares about this summer.”
“She deserves a raise.” James agreed.
“This poor woman.” Regulus continued.
“But she loves it. She gets so happy when we walk into the dining hall.” James said.
“She probably likes watching me suffer.” Regulus joked.
“Yes, I’m sure that’s why she loves being a doctor.” James agreed.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better. I know that not everything has been solved overnight, but you look better.” Regulus said to James. It was true. His smile was brighter, more real. “I think it’s you. Seeing you last night made me feel a lot better.” James said.

Regulus nodded and tried to hide the fear on his face. He loved that he could be the reason James was happier, but he also worried that he would fuck it up. He fucked everything up. He didn’t know how to make people happy, he only knew how to make them miserable.

“Not just you.” James seemed to see the panic in Regulus’ face “I have a lot of good people and good things in my life. People who will help me calm down when I feel like that. I just meant you helped me see that.”
“You would need someone to remind you that everyone loves you.” Regulus joked.
“Yes, now you need to tell me how great I am every day.” James said. Regulus rolled his eyes “Otherwise, I’ll forget.” James joked.

Regulus rolled his eyes again for effect, then turned his head away so James couldn’t see him smile. James already thought his bad jokes were funny, Regulus couldn’t get caught laughing at them. “I’m an idiot, remember?” James continued, “But I’m your idiot, which is why you have to remind me how perfect I am.”

Since Regulus was turned away from James, he didn’t see his hands before he grabbed his waist. He didn’t mean to tense up, he didn’t want to, but he was so used to that touch being unwanted. “Sorry.” James said, he immediately let go.
“No I’m sorry, you caught me off guard.” Regulus replied, to make a point, he rested his head on James’ shoulder.

“Don’t do that.” James shrugged Regulus off “It’s okay if you don’t want to be touched.”
“I do want to be touched.” Regulus said; it wasn’t a lie exactly. He didn’t mind if James touched him, he just wanted to know it was going to happen. Besides, this wasn’t about him and what he wanted. James had a hard last few days, and Regulus didn’t want to make him anxious again by telling him not to touch him.

“When I want to be touched, I don’t tense up when someone touches me.” James commented. “I didn’t see you coming.” Regulus explained.
“Regulus” James sighed
“James.” Regulus sighed back
“Talk to me.” James said.

“Why are you changing the subject to me? We’re talking about you.” Regulus deflected. “What, I can’t worry about you?” James asked.
“No actually, that’s the problem. You worry too much, remember?” The second the words came out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. “I remember.” James tensed up. Regulus could see the hurt that James tried so hard to hide.

“James” Regulus started
“No, Regulus. I got it.” James interrupted.
“James.” Regulus tried to hold his hand.
“Regulus, I don’t want to be touched right now.” James pulled his hand back. Regulus knew there was something James held back. There was something he was thinking, but knew he didn’t mean, so he didn't say it. James was good, he wasn’t like Regulus. His words didn’t shoot to kill when he was mad.

“I’m sorry.” Regulus tried.
“It’s fine.” James said, but he wouldn’t look at Regulus. Clearly, it was not fine. Regulus opened his mouth to apologize again, but before he could get the words out, James said “Regulus, just leave it.”
“Okay.” Regulus said quietly. They didn’t talk for the rest of the period.

***********

When they arrived at Swim Lily jumped up and wrapped her arms around James. “I missed you too Lils.” James tried to joke.
“I’m sorry you’re having a hard time.” Lily said.
“It’s not your fault, if anything, you’re part of the reason it’s not worse.” James replied. Lily hugged James for a second time as she said “Everything’s going to be okay.”

The whole time, Regulus could feel Pandora’s eyes on him. When James hugged Lily back, Pandora grabbed Regulus’ arm and dragged him away. “What?” Regulus asked. “What did you do? You’re looking at James like you killed everyone he loves.” Pandora crossed her arms. “No I’m not.” Regulus argued.
“Yes you are.” she countered “So what did you do?”

Regulus looked at the sand as he said “You know how sometimes I can be insensitive and kind of an asshole?” Regulus asked.
“I do.” Pandora said, Regulus wouldn’t look at her, but she sounded worried.
“James was worried about me, and I made a comment about how anxious he is.” Regulus said so quickly he was surprised Pandora understood.

“Regulus” her eyes started to water “please don’t push him away. He makes you so happy, don’t ruin this for yourself.”
“Obviously I’m not trying to.” Regulus felt his own eyes start to water “This is just how I am.”
“No it’s not. I know you don’t like to let people in, but when you do, you’re so so good. You’re my best friend Regulus, and I wouldn’t be best friends with a bad person.” Pandora said. “I’m mean to you too.” Regulus said as a stray tear rolled down his face.
“Rarely. Nobody’s perfect all of the time.” Pandora argued.
“James is.” Regulus argued. Pandora opened her mouth to argue, then closed it
“James is an exception, and I’m sure he isn’t perfect all the time, I just can’t think of an example. But that just proves my point, James is perfect, don’t push him away.” she said
“What if I already did?” Regulus asked as he wiped another tear from his face.
“You didn’t. Anyone can see that the boy is head over heels for you.” Pandora said as she wiped her own tears.

Pandora let out a small laugh and said “Let’s splash some water on our faces and go back.” Regulus nodded in agreement and followed her to the lake. The water was just below their knees, they both bent down to cup some water in their hands. Right as Regulus was about to close his eyes, Pandora pushed him over and started to run. “Pandora!” he yelled as he got up and chased her.

He chased her all the way back to James and Lily. “Lily, help me!” Pandora yelled. She hid behind Lily as Lily asked “What happened?”
“She pushed me in.” Regulus explained. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw James smile, and suddenly it was all worth it.

“Are you laughing at me?” Regulus asked when James started to laugh.
“No.” James so obviously lied.
“You are!” Regulus complained.
“C’mere.” James got up and wrapped Regulus in a hug “I’m not laughing at you, I promise.”
“Don’t lie.” Regulus placed his hands on James’ chest.
“I’m not. I’m laughing with you, not at you.” James smiled.
“Fuck you.” Regulus complained, but he had a smile on his face.

“I’m sorry, I know you didn’t mean it.” James whispered into Regulus’ ear.
“I’m sorry too.” Regulus said.
“I don’t like being upset with you.” James admitted.
“I don’t like it either, I’m supposed to be the angry one.” Regulus agreed. James laughed as he took off his sweater and wrapped it around Regulus. “Thank you.” Regulus said.

************

When James started to pack his bag for his day off, Levi clung to his leg and said “You can’t leave again.”
“It’s just for a day, besides, this is my last day off.” James said.
“You promise.” Levi asked.
“I promise.” James said. Levi held onto James for a few more seconds before he decided “Fine.” and let go.

Regulus noticed that James didn’t mention the fact that in exactly a week, the boys would be home. “When is Regulus’ last day off?” Leo asked.
“It already happened.” Regulus answered.
“Really!” Levi ran into Regulus’ arms “You’re staying with me for the rest of the summer!” he cheered. This made Levi run to James and grab his leg again
“Why can’t you stay like Regulus?” Levi asked.
“Regulus already had his day off.” James explained.
“It’s not fair.” Levi complained.
“I’ll be back soon.” James bent down and whispered loudly enough for everyone to hear “Make sure to give Regulus an extra hard time while I’m gone.” Regulus rolled his eyes as James looked up and smiled at him.

Regulus walked over to James and lightly shoved him, James dramatically pretended to fall over. “Owwwww.” he said with a smile on his face.
“You’re fine.” Regulus said.
“It hurts so much. I don’t even think I can get up.” James joked.
“I guess you’ll have to stay here then.” Regulus shrugged.

James reluctantly stood up “I’ll miss you.” he said to Regulus.
“I’ll miss you too.” Regulus said as James pulled him into a hug. He whispered so only Regulus could hear “I’m sorry about earlier, I’m just overly sensitive about that stuff. I love you.”
“No, I’m sorry and-” Regulus paused ‘Say it’ he thought to himself, “and-” he tried again, “I was the asshole not you.” Regulus said instead.

James rested his head on Regulus’ shoulder, and Regulus wondered if he knew. If, even though he couldn’t say it, he could feel that Regulus loved him. James deserved to know, and Regulus didn’t know why he was so scared to say it. It would be one thing if James hadn’t said it, but he literally told the entire camp. Regulus knew James loved him, so why was he so scared to say it back?

There was a knock at the door “Come in Pete.” James said.
“How did you know it was him?” Regulus asked as Peter opened the door.
“I know what his knock sounds like.” James said as if that were the most normal thing in the world. “His knock?” Regulus asked
“Ya, everyone has a different knock.” James said.
“I guess.” Regulus said, but if anyone would know their friends by their knocks, it would be James Potter. Regulus wondered if James knew his knock.

“Effie says no rush, but she’s here when we’re ready.” Remus explained.
“Right.” James said as he scrambled to put stuff in his bag. “Sorry, I lost track of time.” he explained. “Yes, it’s very distracting in here.” Peter joked. In retaliation, James messed up Peter’s hair as he continued to walk around the cabin and shoved stuff in his bag.

When all his stuff was messily packed in his bag, James gave Regulus a quick hug “Bye.” and to the boys he said, “Be good for Regulus while I’m gone.” and followed Remus and Peter out of the cabin.

*************

When they got back from Evening Program, Regulus sat on his bed and waited for whoever was supposed to come and stay with the boys. He hadn’t looked to see who was assigned to their cabin for the night, so Regulus was surprised when Sirius walked in.

“Hi boys!” Sirius said.
“Sirius!” Lucas jumped off the top bunk and ran to hug Sirius. As Sirius picked him up and swung him around Regulus asked “How many times do I have to tell you, don’t jump off the bed like that, you’re going to hurt yourself.”
“I haven’t yet.” Lucas argued.
“Ya, he hasn’t yet.” Sirius said. When Lucas smiled up at Sirius Regulus said
“When he breaks his leg, I’m telling Dr. Pomfrey it was your fault.” Sirius dramatically put his hand to his chest “I could never be responsible for such a thing.” Regulus rolled his eyes and sat on his bed.

“What are your plans for the night?” Sirius asked.
“If you want me to leave you can just say that.” Regulus said, a bit annoyed. He had wanted to talk to Sirius, but if Sirius didn’t want him there, he wouldn’t force it. “You know that’s not what I meant.” Sirius said. Regulus didn’t know.
“It’s fine, I was about to leave anyway.” Regulus said. He went to grab his Kindle until he remembered it was with all his other stuff that his mother took, instead, he grabbed a sweater and headed for the door.

“Regulus, stop.” Sirius said, but Regulus didn’t. Maybe it was childish, but he was mad at Sirius and wanted him to know how it felt to be left behind. He wanted to be the one to leave. Sirius could sit with the pain. He could playback the scene in his head over and over. He could wonder what he could’ve done differently; how he could make Regulus stay.

It was Regulus’ turn to feel the freedom on the other side of the door. To know that he could go anywhere he wanted, do anything he wanted, and nobody would stop him. Except when he closed the door behind him, all he wanted was his brother. He wondered if Sirius felt this too when he left.

Regulus turned around, he went to grab the doorknob, but his hand froze right before he did. Sirius didn’t go back, why should Regulus. Also, he was still mad, he didn’t want to talk to Sirius. Regulus turned around and walked off into the woods, where he knew nobody would find them.

He walked for about five minutes before he saw two girls kissing against a tree. At first, all he saw was long blond and brown hair “Pandora?” Regulus asked. The two girls broke apart, and it was very much not Pandora. “Cissy?” Regulus paused “Alice?”
“You can’t tell anyone.” Narcissa said, panicked.

Regulus saw the fear in her face, he felt it as if it were his own, because at one point, it had been. “You know I wouldn’t do that.” he said.
“They wouldn’t believe you even if you did.” Narcissa crossed her arms defensively.
“Exactly” Regulus assured her “you have nothing to worry about.”

Regulus tried to think back to all the times he had seen Narcissa over the summer. It was a surprisingly small amount for the fact that they were in the same unit. Narcissa always kept her distance; Regulus thought she was like that with everyone. It made sense, when in the Noble House of Black, you couldn’t trust anyone. Regulus was wrong though, she had kept her distance from him, but not everyone. She had let Alice in.

Jealousy, Regulus wondered what about Alice made Narcissa feel safe that Regulus didn’t have. Regulus thought they had an understanding, that the whole pushing everyone away thing was just for show. That deep down, if they ever needed anything, the other would be there. He thought that was why she came to find him all those weeks ago when Walburga had her surprise visit. He thought that was why she had told him that she was proud of him for leaving. He thought she went to him for the big things, but the way Alice was looking at Narcissa revealed that she didn’t.

“I’ll get out of your way.” Regulus said and continued to walk deeper into the woods. “Regulus wait.” she said. Regulus didn’t wait. It was stupid, he shouldn’t care. They weren’t as close as he thought they were, it wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t need to get all emotional about it.

Regulus wandered around in the woods for the next few hours. He waited for an appropriate time to return to the cabin. He didn’t want Sirius to know he had been thinking about him, that would be letting him win, and Regulus was too petty for that.

When he walked into the cabin, Regulus refused to look at Sirius. “Regulus” Sirius followed Regulus as he walked around the cabin. Regulus ignored him. “Regulus” Sirius repeated. “Go away” Regulus whispered.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been thinking about earlier. Obviously you wanted to talk to me about something, I didn’t mean to push you away. That really wasn’t my intention I-”
“It’s fine, just go.” Regulus interrupted.
“No, talk to me, what’s wrong?” Sirius asked. Regulus didn’t answer, and tried to walk away, but Sirius grabbed his arm.

Sirius forced Regulus to look at him “It’s not you.” he paused “You’re worried about James.” Regulus hated that Sirius could do that. That he could look at him and just know. “Do you want a medal?” Regulus said sarcastically.
“Let’s go talk outside.” Sirius said.

Regulus reluctantly followed Sirius outside. He didn’t want to talk to him, but he was worried about James. ‘For James’ he told himself as he sat down next to Sirius. “I’m worried about him too.” Sirius said.
“What do we do?” Regulus asked.
“Be there for him.” Sirius answered.
“He doesn’t deserve this.” Regulus said.
“No, he doesn’t.” Sirius agreed.
“There has to be something more we can do.” Regulus tried.
“Regulus, James gets like this sometimes. To be honest, I think he feels like this all the time, but we only see it every once in a while. He’s good at pretending to be fine and focusing on everyone else. Everyday I want to do something for him, I want to fix this so he never feels any sort of pain ever again, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is be there for him, and remind him over and over that I’m there for him; because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but James likes to put everyone else before him. So no, there isn’t more we can do. We can’t fix this, we just have to be there for him, the same way he can’t fix stuff for us.” Sirius said.
“I hate that.” Regulus admitted.
“Me too.” Sirius agreed.

The two were quiet for a few minutes as they stared up at the stars. “You know, he has been a lot happier this summer.” Sirius said.
“Really?” Regulus asked.
“Yes. Don’t feel like you aren’t doing anything, just by existing you are making it better for him.” Sirius said.
“Then why did he double his meds?” Regulus asked.
“Ah, so he told you about that.” Sirius sighed. Regulus nodded in response. “I think maybe that’s part of it. He’s been happier this summer, but he’s still stuck inside his head, he wanted it to finally stop, and he thought this would be the only way to make his mind go quiet.” Sirius admitted. Regulus was quiet for a moment before he asked
“Has he done this before?”
“No.” Sirius paused “Well not that I know of.”
“What if he does it again? What if he- what if he takes too much?” Regulus asked.
“He can’t, Dr. Pomfrey has his medication and will give it to him in the mornings.”
Sirius answered firmly, and Regulus knew he had had that same thought.
“He doesn’t deserve this” Regulus said.
“No, he doesn’t.” Sirius agreed.

“What happens when I fuck this up and make him worse? What if I hurt him?” Regulus asked before he could stop himself.
“You won’t.” Sirius said.
“How do you know?” Regulus asked.
“Because James can see through your self-sabotaging bullshit, and he isn’t going to let you go that easy.” Sirius smiled “Trust me, I know. If he couldn’t, we wouldn’t still be best friends.”

‘You’re better than me, you’re not bad like me’ Regulus wanted to say. He wanted to believe Sirius, but he couldn’t. Sirius was good, Regulus wasn’t. James could only handle so much, what if Regulus was too much? “Whatever self-deprecating shit you’re thinking of, stop.” Sirius said.
“I really don’t want to mess this up.” Regulus said.
“You won’t.” Sirius wrapped Regulus in a hug “C’mon, it’s late. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Will you stay?” Regulus asked.
“I never thought you’d ask.” Sirius said with a smile.

When Sirius followed Regulus back into the cabin, Regulus whispered “You can sleep in James’ bed, I don’t like you that much.”
“Well I don’t like you that much either.” Sirius crossed his arms. Regulus rolled his eyes and got into bed. “Good night.” Regulus whispered.
“Good night.” Sirius whispered back.

End Notes

I know I know, I was doing such a good job at being consistent and then I disappeared again (then I returned with such a sad chapter which is kind of criminal of me). I'm sorry life has been so busy. Funny enough I'm working at a camp (a day camp though) and by the end of the day I am so tired. These kids are killing me but they are also so sweet and I'm going to miss them so much. I'm going to try and be more consistent but who knows with me. But thank you to everyone who has commented, left kudos and read this fic, I know I say this every time but it means so much to me and I love you all so much!

Chapter Text

TW
Ed (mentioned in a flashback where Regulus goes days without eating)
Abuse (mentions of Walburga's A+ parenting)

French translations in brackets (I used Google Translate so the French might not be the best, sorry)

Saturday

When Regulus’ alarm went off, he hid under the covers and waited for James to drag him out of bed. It took him a few minutes to remember that the person in James’ bed was Sirius. To make it worse, Regulus knew it was going to be a bad day. His head hurt more than it had all summer. At home, it would’ve been the kind of day where Regulus didn’t get out of bed, but he didn’t have that luxury. Regulus groaned as he forced himself out of bed “Boys get ready for breakfast.” he said with little to no enthusiasm “You too.” Regulus added as he threw a pillow at Sirius. Sirius reached his arm out from under the covers to flip Regulus off.

Once the boys were ready to leave, Regulus looked to Sirius who was still in bed. “You coming?” Regulus asked, jealous that Sirius was still in bed.
“Bring me something back.” Sirius said.
“Fine.” Regulus said.

As Regulus followed the boys to the Dining Hall, he mentally listed all the food he knew Sirius hated so he could be sure to bring that back for him. Regulus didn’t make it out of view of the cabin before the pain in his head grew to be so unbearable and he collapsed.

***********

When Regulus regained consciousness, he was back in his bed. “Hey.” Sirius said as he rubbed his shoulder. “Sirius?” Regulus questioned. He tried to sit up, but Sirius pushed him back down “Don’t sit up yet.”
“What happened?” Regulus asked.
“I don’t know. You just- you just passed out. Leo came running back into the cabin, screaming his head off. And when I got outside, you were on the ground.”

Regulus squeezed his eyes shut, “Sirius,” he said, he felt like a little kid as he tried not to cry “my head hurts.”
“What can I do?” Sirius asked.
“Can you take the boys to breakfast?” he asked as he looked around and to learn they were the only two people in the cabin. Regulus opened his mouth to ask where everyone went, but Sirius beat him to it “They’re with Lily and Pandora’s cabin, and Dr. Pomfrey is on her way.

“No, she doesn’t need to come, I’m going to be fine in a second.” Regulus said, but he knew that was a lie. “Regulus, you just passed out.” Regulus opened his mouth to argue when Sirius’ phone started to ring. “It’s James.” he said.
“You called James?!” Regulus asked as Sirius answered the phone.

Sirius was quiet for a moment before he said, “No, everything is fine now.” Sirius was quiet for a moment before he responded with “Nothing, don’t worry. I’ll see you soon. Bye.” but before Sirius could hang up, Dr. Pomfrey walked in and said
“Regulus, you’re awake.”

This must have worried James as Sirius kept opening his mouth to say something and then closing it. “How are you feeling?” Dr. Pomfrey asked as she sat down at the end of Regulus’ bed.
“Fine.” Regulus, tried not to pull away when she put her hand to his forehead.
“He’s fine now, I promise.” Sirius said to James, he was quiet again as he listened to James.

Sirius tried to argue with James some more before he handed Regulus the phone and said “He wants to talk to you.” Regulus took the phone, and before James could even get a word in he said “I’m fine.”
“What happened?” James asked.
“Nothing, go enjoy your day off.”
“Why is Dr. Pomfrey there then?” James ignored Regulus.
“Because nobody listens to me when I tell them I’m fine.” To prove his point, when Regulus tried to sit up, Sirius pushed him back down.
“Regulus, tell me what happened, or I’m coming back to camp.” James said, he sounded weirdly stern, and Regulus knew he wasn’t bluffing. “I passed out, but I’m okay now. I’m about to go to breakfast and-”
“Are you okay? What did you fall on? Did you hit your head?” James asked within the span of two seconds. “I’m fine James. Please go have fun, and I will see you soon.” Regulus said and hung up before James threatened to come back to camp again.

Sirius started to laugh as his phone immediately started to ring. When Regulus didn’t answer, Sirius said “You know he’s only going to worry more if you don’t answer.” Regulus let out a small laugh because he knew it was true. “Sirius, why don’t you go outside and talk down James, and I’ll talk to Regulus.” Sirius nodded as he took his phone from Regulus and left.

“Can I please sit up? This is already so embarrassing.” Regulus said.
“Slowly. And your health is not embarrassing.” Dr. Pomfrey responded. As Regulus slowly sat up, the pain in his head got ten times worse. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Dr. Pomfrey asked. Regulus shrugged
“I was fine. I was just walking and all of a sudden I passed out.”
“Have you been throwing up after meals?” she asked.
“No.” Regulus said defensively.
“How was your head feeling when you passed out?” she asked
“Fine.” Regulus said.

Dr. Pomfrey calmly said, “Regulus, it is really hard to figure out what’s wrong when you’re lying to me.”
“I’m not, I really haven’t been throwing up.” Regulus argued.
“So it’s your head.” Dr. Pomfrey stated.
“Fine, it hurt, but I’m fine.” Regulus argued.
“On a scale of one to ten” she paused, “and telling me the truth, how much did you head hurt when you passed out?” Regulus pretended to think about it before he answered
“Five.”
“I’m going to ask you again, and if you lie to me again, I’m going to get Sirius to carry you across camp to my office.” Dr. Pomfrey said with a smirk that let Regulus know she was not bluffing. “Nine.” Regulus admitted, although it had probably been closer to a ten, it really hurt. “I figured,” Dr. Pomfrey nodded, “let’s go to my office.” Regulus sighed as he slowly got out of bed. “I know, how dare people care about you.”

Dr. Pomfrey held her hand out behind Regulus as he walked to the door “Sirius.” Regulus called out. The door to the cabin opened so quick that Regulus felt a slight breeze as Sirius asked “What’s wrong?”
“Dr. Pomfrey is taking me to her office.” Regulus explained, he foolishly hoped that Sirius would get him out of going. Instead, he said, “That’s a good idea.”
“No, I have to see the boys. James isn’t here.” Regulus argued.
“We’ll figure that out, you need to focus on you.” Dr. Pomfrey said, and Sirius nodded in agreement. “Will you come with me?” Regulus asked so quietly he barely heard himself. Sirius however, heard him loud and clear and answered with “Of course.”

After what felt like Dr. Pomfrey’s millionth question about Regulus’ head and how he had been feeling the past few days she said, “Unfortunately, I don’t think there is anything I can do in this moment to make you feel better.” Regulus bit back a sarcastic remark that sounded a lot like ‘No way, does that mean this whole thing was a waste of time?’ and let her continue, “I think the best thing you can do is take a nap and hope you’re feeling better when you wake up.” Sirius nodded right as Regulus said
“I have to be with my campers.”
“Dumbledore is finding someone to watch them.” Dr. Pomfrey said as if she had been expecting that. “I’m not going to be able to fall asleep, I’ll just lie there in pain. And at that point, I might as well be with my campers doing my job.” Regulus argued.
“I’ll give you something to help you sleep.” Dr. Pomfrey said.
“No.” Regulus replied quickly.

He hated the idea of being drugged. He hated not knowing what happened while he was out. Not knowing who touched him and where. Not knowing for how long. Anyone could do anything they wanted, and he would rather the pain in his head be a million times worse before being drugged.

“You’re safe here Regulus.” Sirius said.
“No.” Regulus crossed his arms “I want to go back to my cabin.”
“I think you’ll feel safer here. Dr. Pomfrey will take you to one of the sick rooms, and nobody will be able to get in without her permission.” Sirius tried.
“No.” Regulus said firmly.
“Regulus, I just worry that your campers will disturb your rest.” Dr. Pomfrey said
“I’m not sleeping here.” Regulus took a step back. To his relief, neither Sirius nor Dr. Pomfrey took a step towards him. “What if you slept in my cabin. Moony and I won’t need to be in there until dinner anyway.” Dr. Pomfrey considered this for a moment before she nodded and said, “If that would make you more comfortable.”
“Are you still going to drug me?” Regulus asked.
“It would just be something small to help you sleep. I think it would be helpful, but I’m not going to force you to take anything.” Dr. Pomfrey said.
“Then I’m not going to take it.” he said and started to the door.

The walk to Sirius’ cabin was slow and painful. “Still think you can go to activities?” Sirius asked when Regulus stopped and put his hand against a nearby tree to hold him up. “Shut up.” Regulus said.
“Would you rather I fuss over you?” Sirius smirked. Regulus was going to kill him.

When Regulus started to walk again, Sirius put his arm out. Regulus opened his mouth to tell Sirius exactly where he could put his arm when he thought of a better idea. He walked a few steps, and just as Sirius took his arm away, he fell onto the grass. The rush of more pain in his head was worth the look on Sirius’ face.

“Ouch.” Regulus refused to give up the act.
“I’m so sorry Regulus, are you okay?” Sirius asked as he inspected his head.
“What are you looking for?” Regulus asked as Sirius moved Regulus’ head around to look at it from every angle. “Something. Nothing. I don’t know.” Sirius said, still worried.

This was when Regulus started to laugh, “Got you.” he said.
“Fuck you.” Sirius shoved him. Regulus continued to laugh
“I thought you liked pranks.”
“Not from you, asshole.” Sirius said, but Regulus could see the smile Sirius had been trying so hard to force down. “C’mon, I have to get you to my cabin.” Sirius said as he stood up. “Aren’t you going to help me up?” Regulus teased.
“Actually, yes. That was a pretty bad fall you took.” Sirius said as he bent down and picked Regulus up. “No.” Regulus squirmed.
“Yep, I think I’m gonna have to carry you back to my cabin.” Sirius said and then whispered, “Fuck you.”

While Sirius walked, Regulus was sure to mess up his hair. To Regulus’ annoyance, even when Sirius’ hair was frizzy beyond repair, he still refused to put Regulus down. Once they were in the cabin, Sirius pulled out a white pill.
“She said I didn’t have to take it.” Regulus said defensively.
“Nobody’s going to come into the cabin.” Sirius argued.
“No.” Regulus started for the door but Sirius stopped him.
“I won’t make you, but I think it will help.”
“Then don’t make me.” Regulus crossed his arms.
“Okay. Is there anything else I can get you?” Sirius asked. Regulus wanted to ask Sirius to stay until he fell asleep, but he wasn’t five anymore. Instead, he asked, “Can you figure out who is taking care of my campers?”
“Sure.” Sirius said.

***********

Just as Regulus predicted, he wasn’t able to fall asleep. Instead stared at a picture of Sirius, Remus, James and Peter that Sirius had taped to the wall beside his bed. When the door opened, Regulus expected it to be Sirius or Dr. Pomfrey; instead, it was James.

“James?” Regulus questioned as he slowly sat up.
“Hi.” James smiled.
“What time is it?” Regulus asked.
“Lunch.” James held up a couple of plates of pasta.
“Then what are you doing here?” Regulus asked.
“I missed you too.” James handed Regulus the plates and climbed up onto Sirius’ bed.
“James,” Regulus said sternly, “why are you not at your cottage?”
“I decided to come back early.” James shrugged.

“James” Regulus sighed.
“Regulus.” James sighed back.
“James, go enjoy your day off.” Regulus said.
“I am enjoying it.” James replied with a smile.
“You’re infuriating.” Regulus rolled his eyes.
“Have you met you?” James joked.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be the nice one.” Regulus crossed his arms.
“I am, that’s why I brought you lunch.” James held up the plate of pasta.

“I can’t eat, I’m nauseous.” Regulus said truthfully.
“Can you try?” James asked as he pushed one of Regulus’ stray curls behind his ear. In response, Regulus rested his head on James’ shoulder. “I’m sorry.” James said as he rubbed Regulus’ shoulder. Regulus felt his throat get tight, and his eyes started to water. His head hurt, he didn’t feel well, and he passed out in front of all their campers. But he wouldn’t let himself cry, he would just be more embarrassed, and it was a stupid reason to cry.

James kissed Regulus’ head and said to Regulus’ head “Hey, be nice to my Regulus.”
“What are you doing?” Regulus asked
“I’m telling your head to be nice to you.” James answered as if it were obvious. Regulus let out a small laugh. He didn’t know how James did it, he was having such a bad day, and felt like complete shit, and yet, he was laughing. He put his arms around James and asked, “Can you stay with me?”

Regulus loved being alone, it was when he felt the most free. He didn’t have to perform. He didn’t have to pretend to be anything. Regulus especially liked being alone when he was in a lot of pain. He lacked the energy to perform. Yet, he wanted James to stay.

“Of course.” James looked like he was trying to work something out.
“What?” Regulus asked.
“Nothing, I just have to let Dumbledore know.” James explained.
“Why?” Regulus asked.
“I’ve been watching the boys, but it’s okay, I’ll find someone to watch them.” James said.

“Did Dumbledore tell you to come back?” Regulus asked. When James didn’t say anything, Regulus knew he had his answer, but he wanted to hear James say it. “James.” Regulus demanded.
“He asked me if I could come back, I was the one who said yes.” James tried.

“You should go. I’ll tell Dumbledore I’m feeling better.” Regulus started towards the end of Sirius’ bed. “No.” James said as he grabbed Regulus so he couldn’t leave.
“James.” Regulus complained as he tried to get out of James’ arms but couldn’t.
“You need to rest.” James said as he held Regulus.

Regulus couldn’t get out of James’ arms, and yet, James was so soft in the way he held him. Regulus knew he was stuck, but he didn’t feel unsafe. He didn’t know how James did it, how he was so perfect in everything he did. It only made Regulus feel worse about ruining his day off. James, of all people, deserved a day off.

When Regulus finally gave up, James let go. “Eat.” James said as he held up the plate of pasta. Regulus suddenly felt really nauseous “James I-” but before he could finish his sentence, he had thrown up all over the pasta, himself and Sirius’ bed. “I’m sorry.” Regulus said as James rubbed his back.
“It’s okay.” James tried to reassure him. Regulus’ eyes started to water “Hey, you’re okay.” James said as he wrapped Regulus in a hug. Regulus started to cry as he apologized again. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault.” James said, which was a huge contrast to the ‘This is all your fault’ he constantly got from his mother. For once, Regulus thought his mother might have been right; this was his fault.

“It is, I’m the reason you didn’t get your day off.” Regulus cried.
“Oh yes, because I’m sure this is how you wanted to spend your day. You clearly did this on purpose.” James said sarcastically.
“Stop.” Regulus cried.
“Regulus, look at me” James said as he held Regulus’ head and forced him to look at James “it’s not your fault.”
“James.”
“It’s not your fault.” James said again. When Regulus didn’t respond, James repeated, “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.” and held Regulus as he cried.

When Regulus wiped the final tears from his eyes and apologized a million more times, James asked, “Can we take this off?” as he motioned to Sirius’ sweater that was covered in vomit. Regulus nodded and leaned into James as he took off Sirius’ sweater to reveal one of the shirts Regulus had gotten on his day off with Sirius. “That’s better.” James said while Regulus leaned into him. “Do you think we can get off the bed, or do we need a few more minutes?”
“I don’t want to go to Dr. Pomfrey.” Regulus crawled deeper into Sirius’ bed. He clung to Sirius’ pillow, it was safe. “Okay, we don’t have to, but can we sit on Remus’ bed while I change Sirius’ sheets?” James asked as he held one of Regulus’ hands.

“I want to stay here.” Regulus argued. He knew it was pathetic. He knew logically that it didn’t make sense to sit in his own vomit, but he didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to sit in Remus’ bed; it didn’t remind him of all the nights he spent with Sirius. The nights when his parents yelled at each other for hours, the nights Regulus knew he would be in trouble the next day or the nights when Regulus was just scared. Remus’ bed wasn’t safe, not like Sirius’.

“You can come back once I change the sheets.” James held out his pinky.
“No.” Regulus said as the door opened.
“No what?” Sirius asked. He looked up to see the state of his bed and asked “What happened? Are you okay?” as he climbed the ladder onto his bed.
“I don’t feel good.” Regulus said in a whisper.
“I see that.” he said, then turned to James and asked, “Did this happen after he ate?”
“We didn’t get that far.” James admitted.
“I’m sorry.” Regulus said again.
“Don’t be.” Sirius said as he rubbed Regulus’ back.

“I don’t want to go back to Dr. Pomfrey.” Regulus said as he looked to Sirius.
“And I don’t want you to go the whole day without eating anything.” Sirius countered. He grabbed Regulus’ arm and pulled him towards the end of the bed. “No.” Regulus tried to fight back, but he was in too much pain to stop Sirius. Sirius dragged him to the end of the bed and down the ladder, where he sat Regulus on the floor.

“Can you go get Dr. Pomfrey while I change my sheets?” Sirius asked James.
“Of course.” James responded at the same time Regulus said
“No.” and grabbed James’ leg.
“Regulus” James crouched down “I have to go get Dr. Pomfrey.” Regulus opened his mouth to argue, but James continued, “No, Regulus, I’m really worried about you. So I’m going to go get Dr. Pomfrey, and you’re going to let her do what she needs to do. Okay?”
“No.” Regulus complained.
“Yes.” Sirius said as he gave James a look that said ‘Go’.
“I’ll be right back.” James said as he got up and left.

Regulus was quiet as Sirius stripped his bed and threw his dirty sheets on the ground. “Sorry.” Regulus said again as Sirius opened his drawer and grabbed a fresh pair of sheets. “You don’t have to apologize anymore.” Sirius said, but Regulus thought he would always apologize. When your whole childhood is spent being trained to apologize for existing, it becomes all you know. No matter how loudly people love him, Regulus’ mother’s voice is always louder. It is always there to remind him that he isn’t worth the effort, that it is his fault and that all he is is an embarrassment.

It didn’t take long for the front door to open once again to reveal James and Dr. Pomfrey. “Hi Regulus.” Dr. Pomfrey said.
“Hi again.” Regulus sighed. James sat down next to Regulus and held his hand while Sirius finished putting the clean sheets on his bed. “Did you manage to get any sleep?” she asked. “Not really.” Regulus admitted.

“Can I please give you something to help you sleep? That’s what’s going to help you the most right now.” Dr. Pomfrey explained again.
“I don’t want to take anything.” Regulus repeated.
“Reg, what if I stay here with you while you sleep?” Sirius suggested. Regulus considered it, which was a bad idea because Sirius took Regulus’ lack of a response as encouragement to push harder. “You can sleep in my bed and I can hang out here on Moony’s bed.” he said as he patted Remus’ mattress.

Regulus was about to argue when he looked at James. James, who had spent the morning of his day off taking care of Regulus. James, who was visibly worried. James, who cared so much for other people that he sometimes forgot about himself. “Fine, but only if you go enjoy the rest of your day off.” Regulus looked to James. James looked like he was about to argue, but Sirius beat him to it “Perfect, Potter get out of here.”
“Are you sure?” James asked
“Yes.” both Black brothers said in unison.
“Okay.” James opened the door “I love you guys.”
“We love you too.” Sirius said before James closed the door behind him.

“Nous?” (we) Regulus asked in a sarcastic tone.
“N'as-tu pas, Regulus Black, simplement soudoyé James en lui promettant de dormir s'il partait et profitait de sa journée de?” (Did you, Regulus Black, not just bribe James by promising to sleep if he went and enjoyed his day off?) Sirius raised an eyebrow.
“Cela ne veut pas dire que je l’aime.” (That doesn’t mean I love him Regulus lied. When Sirius phrased it like that, he realized how out of character that was for him. “Okay” (D’accord) Sirius raised his hands.
“I don’t.” (Je n’ais pas) Regulus argued.
“Plus tu me dis que tu ne l’aimes pas, moins je ne te crois pas.” (The more you tell me you don’t love him, the more I don’t believe you) Sirius laughed.
“Je te déteste” (I hate you) Regulus complained.
“Mais tu aimes James?” (But you love James?) Sirius teased.

Regulus shoved Sirius, when Sirius didn’t retaliate, Regulus knew he must’ve looked pretty bad. “Je suis vraiment fatigué” (I’m really tired). Regulus not so subtly changed the subject. “Voici” (here) Sirius got up and handed Regulus the pill and his waterbottle. “Je pense que je peux dormir sans, je suis assez fatigué” (I think I can sleep without it, I’m pretty tired) Regulus tried. “Prends-le.” (take it) Sirius said.

Regulus rolled his eyes, and tried to act unbothered as he swallowed the pill dry. “Je te déteste” (I hate you) Sirius said. Ever since Effie told him that he could scratch his throat if he swallowed pills dry, he hated it when the people he loved didn’t take pills with water. Regulus didn’t say anything as he climbed up the ladder onto Sirius’ bed. “Bonne nuit Reg” (Goodnight Reg) Sirius tried. Regulus didn’t answer.

He knew logically it made no sense to be angry with Sirius for making him take the medicine, but he had no one else to take it out on. In times like this, Sirius made a great punching bag. Maybe that wasn’t fair, but Regulus was too upset to care.

Regulus got under Sirius’ covers and stared at the picture of Sirius, Remus, James and Peter again. He repeated ‘I’m safe’ over and over in his head. He read somewhere that if one tells themselves something over and over, they will start to believe it. It didn’t work. No matter how many times he logically reminded himself that Sirius would be there the whole time, Aubry was gone, and nothing bad would happen, he couldn’t make himself believe it.

As the minutes went on, he got more and more tired. Foolishly, he tried to fight it. He needed to stay awake. When he tried to sit up to keep his body awake, Sirius climbed up onto the bed and forced him down. Although it didn’t take much on Sirius’ end, Regulus had been pretty weak at this point. After a few failed attempts to sit up, Regulus fell asleep.

**********

Regulus woke up to the whispers of James, Remus, Sirius and Peter. Regulus looked out the window to see it was dark, but somehow, he was still tired. “James.” Regulus called out. “Regulus” James jumped up so quickly that he bumped his head. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he climbed up the ladder and onto Sirius’ bed.
“Weird.” Regulus admitted.
“Weird how?” James asked as he put his hand to Regulus’ forehead.
“Lethargic.” Regulus complained as he put his arms around James’ neck and rested his head on James' shoulder.

“Whatever Dr. Pomfrey gave you probably hasn’t completely worn off.” James said as he brushed Regulus’ hair out of his face. “Did you enjoy your day off?” Regulus asked when he remembered why he agreed to take the medication in the first place. “Yes, but I missed you.” James smiled.
“Good.” Regulus replied as he tried to sit up.

“How’s your head feeling?” James asked.
“Better.” Regulus answered, “What time is it?” he asked.
“One-thirtyish.” James said as he held Regulus up.

“Sirius,” Regulus started
“I was here the whole time.” Sirius answered before Regulus could finish his sentence.
“Thank you.” Regulus said. Regulus tightened his grip around James. He wanted to be as close to him as possible. He needed James.

“You should eat something.” Sirius said as he climbed onto his bed. Regulus shook his head, but Sirius wouldn’t accept that. He opened the granola bar and said “It’s barely anything.”
“No.” Regulus tried to hide in James’ shirt.
“You can do it Reg.” James said as he rubbed his back.
“I want to go back to sleep.” Regulus said.
“Why don’t you eat, and then I’ll take you back to the cabin where you can sleep in your own bed.” Regulus nodded, his bed sounded really nice, and he really wanted to make James happy.

When he finished the granola bar, James kept his word and took him back to their cabin. They didn’t say much on the walk back, probably because Regulus was quite out of it. By the time they got back to the cabin, Regulus was so tired that he didn’t take his shoes off before faceplanting on his bed.

James quietly laughed as he took Regulus’ shoes off and put his covers over him. “Goodnight Reg.”
“Night.” Regulus said and then immediately fell asleep.

Sunday

When James’ alarm went off, Regulus pulled the covers over his head. It didn’t take long before James’ was by his side “How are you feeling?”
“Tired.” Regulus complained.
“But you slept all day yesterday.” Leo argued. James laughed as he pulled Regulus’ sheets back “Ya, you slept all day yesterday.” he joked as he held his hand out for Regulus. “They forced me to.” Regulus said to Leo, “I was basically a prisoner in Sirius’ cabin.”
“Why?” Leo looked to James
“Because Regulus wasn’t feeling well.” James explained as he helped Regulus up.
“What’s wrong?” Leo asked, his face full of worry. James bent down and loudly whispered, “He was being nice to Sirius.”

Leo started to laugh, “I don’t believe you.” he said.
“He was. He even thanked him for something.” James joked.
“Shut up.” Regulus shoved James.
“You loveeeeee your brother.” James teased as he wrapped Regulus in a hug.
“Like you said, I wasn’t myself.” Regulus argued, but he made no effort to escape James’ hug.

As they walked to breakfast, Regulus sighed “I’m going to have to be extra mean to Sirius today to make up for yesterday.” James laughed
“What about me? You were kind of obsessed with me last night.” Regulus remembered how he wanted James. How, even when he held James, he wasn’t close enough. “You’re right, fuck you.” Regulus joked. James laughed as he said
“You can do better than that.” Regulus could feel the smile grow on his face as he got an idea.

He reached up and took James’ glasses and started to run. “Hey.” James laughed as he ran after Regulus. Regulus hadn’t been running very fast, and it only took a couple of seconds for James to catch up to him. James wrapped his arms around Regulus from behind. Regulus waited for James to grab his glasses; instead, he paused and asked, “Did you wear this all night?”

Regulus had only been wearing a t-shirt, so when James hugged him, he could feel the binder underneath. “No, I put it on this morning.” Regulus lied.
“I didn’t see you take it off last night.” James countered.
“Well it would be weird if you watched me change.” Regulus argued as he tried to get free of James’ grip. The second Regulus fought against James’ arms, he let go. “But you didn’t change last night, you went to bed in your clothes.”

Regulus tried to think of something to say, a believable lie that could erase James’ concern, but he took too long. “Can you go back to the cabin and take it off?” James asked, but it didn’t really feel like a question. “No.” Regulus said.
“Regulus.”
“James.” Regulus crossed his arms.
“I’ll tell Dr. Pomfrey.” James said.
“Fine.” Regulus said as he turned around to walk back to the cabin.
“Can I have my glasses back please?” James asked.
“No.” Regulus said.

When he was back at the cabin, he hid James’ glasses in his pile of dirty laundry. He thought about not taking his binder off, but he knew James wasn’t bluffing. He already wore his binder more than he was supposed to, and it was obvious from the rashes on his chest. He didn’t want Dr. Pomfrey to monitor how often he wore his binder the same way she monitored his food intake, so he took off his binder and threw on a hoodie that was way too big for him.

Dr. Pomfrey didn’t say anything as Regulus sat down. James however, came over and asked “Do you have my glasses?”
“They’re in the cabin.” Regulus answered. James took Regulus’ hand “Can you stand up for a second?” James lightly grabbed Regulus’ hand, he felt his heart start to race. He tried to remind his brain that James had never given Regulus a reason to think he would hurt him. Besides, he had been fine yesterday when James grabbed him, why should today be any different? “Why?” Regulus asked calmly.
“Can I just” James paused “give you a hug?”
“I did what you said.” Regulus replied. He really didn’t want to be touched, but he was too afraid to outright say no. “You promise?” James asked
“Yes.” Regulus said defensively.
“Ok, I love you.” James said. Dr. Pomfrey looked confused but didn’t say anything as she put a bagel on Regulus’ plate.

Regulus didn’t talk as he started to eat. He had hoped that he would be able to put his head down and just get through breakfast, then Sirius showed up. “Hi” Sirius said as he messed up Regulus’ hair. Regulus flipped him off in return. “Looks like you’re feeling better.” Sirius laughed.
“Ha ha.” Regulus said sarcastically.

Sirius looked to James and motioned to Regulus. “Me.” James said from across the table. Regulus ignored their riddled conversation that was so clearly about him that they might as well have just had the conversation out loud, and continued to eat. He felt nauseous as he ate, ‘It’s because you’re not eating enough’ Dr. Pomfrey’s voice rang inside his head.

While Sirius was still not so subtly talking about Regulus to James, Leo asked, “Sirius, where do you and Regulus live? I want to visit you guys after camp.” One thing about 8-year-olds was that they didn’t care if you were in the middle of an important conversation; if they wanted to talk to you, they were going to talk to you. “We go to different schools, so we live in different places.” Sirius explained and continued to talk to James. “You can just go over there and talk to him.” Regulus said, annoyed with their big gestures across the table. To Regulus’ surprise, Sirius listened.

“Are you going to go to school near my house?” Leo asked Regulus.
“No, I’m sorry. But maybe I can visit you over the winter break.” Regulus suggested.
“Can you?!” Leo asked.
“I’ll try my best.” Regulus said with a genuine smile.

***********

When breakfast was over, James and Regulus followed behind the boys as they walked back to their cabin. “Don’t be mad at me.” James broke the silence.
“I’m not.” Regulus said, but he refused to look at James.
“I just worry about you.” James tried.
“I noticed.” Regulus continued to avoid James’ gaze.
“What can I do to make this better?” James asked. Regulus didn’t answer. He knew there was nothing James could do. Either way, Regulus would be annoyed. He would be annoyed if James cared too much and annoyed if he didn’t care at all. James couldn’t win.

“You can throw me in the lake?” James tried.
“Why? You didn’t actually do anything.” Regulus questioned.
“Then you can’t be mad at me.” James smiled, “Actually, maybe I should throw you in the lake.”
“I would kill you.” Regulus said to recover from confessing to James that he was right and that Regulus had no reason to be mad at him. “Would that make you feel better?” James asked. “What, killing you? Because that would be rather inconvenient since I would have no help with the boys.” Regulus said sarcastically.
“Rather inconvenient” James mocked.
“Maybe I will throw you in the lake.” Regulus teased. James laughed and hugged Regulus.

When they got back to the cabin, James started to look for his glasses. Regulus didn’t help. He slowly got ready as James flipped his side of the cabin upside down. While James was distracted, Regulus put his binder back on. Technically, James hadn’t told him how long to take it off for.

“Reg please.” James asked once everyone was ready, and he was still looking for his glasses. Regulus shrugged as he sat on his bed. Since it was an open open day, the boys were allowed to go to any activity they wanted, which meant they weren't going to be late for anything. James sighed as he walked over to Regulus’ bed and sat down beside him “I can’t see.” he complained. The boys laughed at him. He sighed as he put his head in Regulus’ lap and looked up at him “Please.” Regulus only laughed along with the boys. “Maybe I’ll help you look at the end of the day.” Regulus said with a smile.

When James just sighed and hugged Regulus’ waist as he continued to lay his head in his lap, Regulus once again thought to himself ‘I love you’. Regulus had been a brat all morning when James was just genuinely worried about him. James didn’t seem the least bit angry at Regulus. Regulus had done much less to upset Aubry, and Aubry had lashed out in ways James wouldn’t dream of.

James adjusted himself so he would be looking up at Regulus “I can’t even see your beautiful face.” he complained.
“You can see it, it’s just blurry.” Regulus smiled.
“You’re smiling at me, and I can’t even see it.” James complained.
“How tragic.” Regulus joked.
“It is. Please Reg I need my glasses so I can tell you how beautiful you are.”
“And I’m the dramatic one?”
“Yes, you are.” James crossed his arms.

James adjusted his position again “You okay?” Regulus asked as James lifted his head. “So you do care.” James teased and then explained, “I’m just getting comfortable, but your concern is greatly appreciated.” When James looked up at Regulus with a smile on his face, he felt bad. He had been so mean to this boy, James put up with so much, and continued to do so. “Check my laundry.” Regulus said
“Why?” James seemed surprised all of a sudden.
“For your glasses.” Regulus responded.
“But I’m comfortable here.” James argued as he hugged Regulus’ waist.

“I can look!” Levi raised his hand from his bed. James looked to Regulus for permission. When Regulus nodded, James yelled, “Please Levi, save me from being blind!”

Levi jumped from his bed and ran to Regulus' section of the cabin, where he started to look through his dirty clothes. “I found them!” he cheered after a few seconds.
“My hero!” James said with a smile. Levi ran up to James and put his glasses on his face, held two fingers up and asked, “How many fingers am I holding up?”
“Two!” James answered. Levi laughed as he pulled his other hand from behind his back, where he had been holding up one finger “Three” Levi said. James looked genuinely offended as he said, “You tricked me” and started to chase Levi around the cabin.

***********

James couldn’t stop smiling as they walked to lunch. “What?” Regulus finally asked. “Nothing.” James said as his smile grew.
“No.” Regulus said when he figured it out, “No please, I just want one day of peace.” he practically begged. James started to laugh, “It’s our last hurrah.”

“It’s never your last hurrah, and now I live with you guys.” Regulus complained as he thought about all the pranks he would have to endure now that he lived with both Sirius and James. “I know, how exciting is that?”
“It’s not exciting, because knowing my brother, he’ll probably target all the pranks at me.” Regulus complained. James laughed as he put an arm around Regulus “Don’t worry, I won’t let him be too mean to you.”

“You can’t control him, nobody can.” Regulus argued as he buried his face in James’ shoulder. “My mum can” James argued, “and she loves you, so she’ll protect you too.”
“He’s just gonna do it when she’s not around. He’s so mean to me. Remember when he dumped a pitcher of water on me so I would get annoyed with him and have to audition for the play” Regulus complained. James didn’t say anything; he just laughed. “See, you know I’m right.”

James laughed for a few more seconds before he said, “How about this, I’ll help you prank him back.”
“You promise?” Regulus asked
“Cross my heart.” James answered.

When Regulus sat down beside Dr. Pomfrey, he started to examine the food. He figured something must be wrong with it. Dr. Pomfrey put a bowl of pasta in front of him and waited for him to eat. Regulus watched as James grabbed his own bowl of pasta and started to eat. However, this didn’t convince him that the food was safe. He looked to Peter, who was also eating the pasta. He then looked for Remus, but he didn’t see him anywhere. Finally, he looked for Sirius, and again, he couldn’t find him.

“Regulus,” Dr. Pomfrey started.
“No, I actually can’t this time.” Regulus tried to explain.
“Yes, you can. You’ve been doing so much better recently.” she encouraged.
“No I actually can’t, Sirius did something to it.” Regulus tried.
“Sirius isn’t even here.” Dr. Pomfrey tried.

“What’s wrong?” James said from behind Regulus, he hadn’t even seen him get up. “I don’t want my teeth to turn green or whatever you did to happen.” Regulus said.
“Your teeth aren’t going to turn green.” James said with a genuine smile.
“Then what did you do to it?” Regulus asked.
“We didn’t do anything to the food.” James took Regulus’ fork and shoved a piece of pasta in his own mouth “See, my teeth are still white.” he said as he flashed Regulus his teeth.

“Then what did you do?” Regulus asked.
“That, my love, is a surprise.” James kissed Regulus’ cheek and went back to his spot at the table. Regulus looked to Dr. Pomfrey, who seemed unbothered by whatever James was up to “See, the food is fine. Eat.” Reluctantly, Regulus started to eat.

While he ate, Regulus looked around the dining hall for Sirius and Remus. They weren’t there. Any time he looked in James’ direction, James would just smile at him. Regulus was almost done with his pasta when the sprinklers went off.

He glared at James as he crawled under the table with a few of the boys. The other boys ran to the doors, which wouldn’t open. “I told you they were up to something.” Regulus said to Dr. Pomfrey.
“I know, but they’re not hurting anyone, and look how happy James looks.” Regulus looked to James, who was skipping around the dining hall.

Suddenly, Sirius and Remus appeared and met James and Peter in the middle of the dining hall. “Prongs, did you have a good summer?” Sirius yelled so everyone could hear him. “Yes, but it was missing one thing.” James answered.
“And what’s that?” Peter asked
“A rain dance party!” Remus cheered.

Sirius pulled out his waterproof speaker that Regulus had gotten him a few years ago and started to blast Heroes by Bowie. Regulus made a mental note to never get Sirius anything ever again, even something as innocent as a speaker could be used for evil when in Sirius’ hands.

Half the camp seemed entertained by the rain dance party and started to dance as they sang along to Bowie. The rest of the camp was either hiding under a table or trying to get the doors open. Dumbledore was one of those people. When he gave up on trying to open the doors, he tried to get James, Peter, Sirius and Remus to open them, but every time Dumbledore would try and say something, they would start to sing even louder.

James skipped over to Regulus and offered his hand, “Dance with me.” he said
“I hate you.” Regulus answered. James crawled under the table and gave Regulus a big hug. Since he had been dancing under the sprinklers, he was soaked, and Regulus, before James’ hug at least, had been remotely dry. “You’re cold.” he complained.
“You’ll warm up if you dance.” James tried.
“I’ll warm up if you let me out of the dining hall.” Regulus responded.

James laughed as he grabbed Regulus’ arm and pulled him out from under the table. “Reg!” Sirius cheered.
“I hate you.” Regulus told Sirius.
“No time for negativity, it’s a dance party!” Sirius shouted as he jumped onto a table and continued to dance.

“How long is this going to last?” Regulus asked as James moved his arms up and down to force him to dance. “About ten minutes.” Regulus grabbed a pitcher of water from one of the tables and dumped it on James. “Hey!” James laughed as he grabbed his own pitcher and started to chase Regulus.

Ten minutes later, when everyone was properly soaked, the sprinklers turned off. The half of the camp that had been dancing started to boo while the other half started to cheer. “If you hated it so much, why didn’t you just leave?” Sirius asked as he effortlessly opened the door. Regulus hid his laugh as a bunch of kids started to chase Sirius out the door.

*************

“Goodnight boys” Regulus said as he closed the cabin door behind him. They had just brought the boys back to the cabin after Evening Program, and Regulus was excited for some much-needed peace and quiet.

Before Regulus could get anywhere, James grabbed his waist and said, “A few of us are going onto the boat tonight. You’re presence is required.”
“My presence is required elsewhere.” Regulus lied.
“Where?” James asked
“Pandora and I are hanging out.”
“That’s interesting, because Pandora is coming on the boat with us.” James smiled as if he had won something.

“Fine, I’ll do something with Barty.”
“Barty will also be on the boat.” James’ smile grew.
“Then I’ll do something with Dorcas or Evan.”
“Both coming on the boat.” James smiled.
“Why are you stealing my friends.”
“I’m not.” James said with mock offense.
“You are, you’ve corrupted them somehow.”
“I haven’t, Peter asked Evan and Barty to come, Lily asked Pandora, and Marlene asked Dorcas, so if anything, my friends corrupted your friends.” James said.
“This is still your fault somehow.” Regulus argued.
“Yep, all my fault.” James said as he picked Regulus up and started to walk towards the dock.

“No, James I don’t want to go.” Regulus complained, but instead of fighting to get out of James’ grip, he wrapped his arms around James’ neck. “But I won’t have any fun without you.” James pouted.
“You’ll be fine.” Regulus argued.
“Nope.”

As James stepped onto the dock, Regulus said “Okay you can put me down now.”
“But what if you run away?” James asked as he greeted Sirius and Remus.
“I won’t, put me down.” Regulus replied. James gave his signature ‘I’m up to no good smile’ “Okay” he said as he walked to the edge of the dock and held Regulus over the lake.

“James, don’t you dare!” Regulus yelled as he clung to James.
“But I thought you wanted me to put you down.” James said with fake innocence.
“James Potter.” Regulus warned.
“Throw him in.” Barty said from behind James.
“I second that.” Evan joined.
“Me too!” Sirius cheered.
“James” Regulus warned as he clung to James as hard as he could.

James started to swing, “On three. One”
“No!” Regulus yelled, but he knew deep down he deserved it, he had been a dick to James all morning, and if the roles were reversed, Regulus would be taking just as much joy in the situation as James, if not more. “Two.” James smiled.
“James please.” Regulus tried.
“Three.” James said. Regulus closed his eyes and braced himself for the cold water. Instead, James spun around and put Regulus down safely on the dock. “I hate you all.” Regulus said in greeting. “We love you too Reg.” Barty said.

Once everyone had arrived, they filed onto the boat and set off. Regulus sat down next to Pandora and rested his head on her shoulder. “I haven’t really seen you today, how have you been?” she asked as she rested her head on Regulus’
“Fine.” Regulus answered.

James sat down on the other side of Regulus and smiled as he put his arm around Regulus and, by extension, Pandora. “How about you James?” Pandora asked.
“Hm?” James questioned.
“How was your day?” she repeated.
“Oh, it was pretty good.” James answered.

Regulus closed his eyes and rested his head on James as the boat started to move. With the wind on his face and Bowie playing out of Sirius’ speaker, Regulus felt at peace, not that he would ever tell anyone that.

When the boat stopped, Lily called Pandora over, which left Regulus and James. When he was sure everyone else was distracted, he leaned into James a little more. Everything was peaceful, until Sirius appeared.

“You’re looking pretty dry Reg.” Sirius smiled his famous evil smile.
“Fuck off.” Regulus responded. Sirius put his hand to his chest
“That’s no way to treat your elders” he took a step towards Regulus, in response, Regulus grabbed onto the closest thing to him, James. James grabbed Regulus as Sirius took another step. “Leave me alone.” Regulus said.
“Don’t you want to go for a little night swim?” Sirius asked.
“No.” Regulus wrapped his arms around James’ neck, in response, James re-adjusted his grip and put his hands on Regulus’ back.

Sirius put one arm under Regulus’ arm and grabbed his legs with the other as he tried to tear Regulus and James apart. “You already did this today in the dining hall.” Regulus complained as he tightened his grip on James. James laughed in Regulus’ ear “He is mean to you huh?” James said.
“I told you.” Regulus replied.
“It’s my duty as his older brother. Every time there is a body of water, I must throw him in, it’s the rules Prongs.” Sirius explained.

Sirius pulled a little harder, and in response, James held Regulus tighter. “Let go Prongs. Pleaseeee” Sirius begged.
“But it’s my duty as his boyfriend to protect him. It’s the rules.” James smiled as if he didn’t just say the cringiest thing ever. Sirius rolled his eyes and said, “Then I guess I have to throw you both in.”
“No!” Regulus yelled as James laughed.

Sirius grabbed James, who had basically been holding Regulus, and pushed them both over the edge of the boat. The water was freezing cold, and the wind no longer felt nice on his face as Regulus resurfaced. James somehow still had a smile on his face as he held Regulus in the water. “You okay?” he asked as Regulus coughed.

Regulus nodded as he flipped Sirius off. “It’s kinda nice.” James said as he treaded water. “Fuck off.” Regulus replied as he swam towards the ladder of the boat.
“You know what else is nice, throwing Sirius in too.” James whispered. Regulus smiled and said “You would do that for me.”
“I would do anything for you.” James smiled, and by the look on his face, Regulus thought he really ment it “I’ll grab his legs, you grab his arms.”
“Okay.” Regulus smiled as he grabbed the ladder.

Both Regulus and James said nothing as they climbed back on the boat. “What are you guys doing?” Sirius asked as they started towards him. They both remained silent. “No!” Sirius screamed and ran to the other end of the boat before he realized there was nowhere to go.

Just as planned, Regulus grabbed Sirius’ arms while James grabbed his legs. “No! I’m sorry! I’ll never throw you in the lake again, please!” Sirius begged.
“To late Pads.” James smiled as he looked to Regulus and said “Three.”
“Two.” Regulus started to swing
“One.” They said together as they let Sirius go.

Regulus had a smile on his face until the last second when Sirius grabbed his arms and pulled Regulus in with him. “Fuck you.” Regulus said when he resurfaced for the second time. “Fuck you.” Sirius said back.

Regulus grabbed a handful of Sirius’ hair and shoved his head underwater. From under the water, Sirius grabbed Regulus’ shirt and pulled him down. “Hey!” was the last thing Regulus heard before his head went under.

The two had only been fighting to keep the other’s head underwater for 5 seconds before James was in the water and pulled them apart. “No.” he said more sternly than Regulus had ever heard him. “He started it.” Sirius complained.
“No, you did. I wouldn’t have done anything if you didn’t throw me in the lake.”
“You-” Sirius started.
“I don’t care who started it. Both of you out of the water now.” James demanded.

The three of them swam towards the ladder in silence. When they reached the ladder, James nodded at Regulus to go first. When Sirius tried to follow behind him, James said “I’ll go in the middle.”

When they were all on the boat, James grabbed Regulus’ arm in one hand and Sirius’ in the other “Moony, where are the life jackets with the locks?” he asked. Remus laughed “Under the seats over there.” he pointed.
“Just for Reg right?” Sirius asked nervously as James walked them over to the lifejackets. “For both of you.” James answered.

Regulus had already accepted that James would do something like this and only sighed as James put the lifejacket on him and locked it. Sirius, on the other hand, threw a fit “No! Those are for the kids!” he tried to run away, but couldn’t get far.
“And tonight they’re for you.” James said when he caught up to Sirius and started to force his arm through one of the holes for the lifejackets. “But it’s not cool.” Sirius complained, and Regulus wondered if he really was the older sibling. “Neither is drowning.” James answered as he did up the life jacket and locked it. When James let Sirius go, he went straight to Regulus and threw him in the lake.

They stayed out there for a couple hours, and by the end of the night, everyone had ended up in the lake. None of them had actually planned to go in the lake; therefore, the only person who brought a towel was Lily.

James looked at Regulus, who was shivering and asked “Want my hoodie?”
“Don’t you want it?” Regulus motioned to James, who was literally dripping.
“Nah, I’m not cold.” he answered. Regulus wasn’t sure if it was a lie, but James’ sweater looked really warm. “I don’t want to wear it over the lifejacket.”
“Oh ya. Um, I’ll unlock the buckle, but you have to stay near me until we’re back on land okay.” Regulus nodded, and James brought out the tiny key.

Regulus quickly shed the lifejacket and put the hoodie on. “Thank you” he said as he took his shirt off from underneath the sweater. “Anything for you.” James said with a smile.

Sirius didn’t notice Regulus’ absent life jacket until they got back, “Hey!” he complained and looked at James. “He was cold, and he couldn’t wear the hoodie with the lifejacket.” James explained.
“I’m cold.” Sirius complained.
“Then maybe you should ask your own boyfriend for a sweater.” Sirius turned around and wrapped his arms around Remus “Moony, I’m cold.” Remus sighed as he took off his sweater and gave it to Sirius. As Sirius’ vision was blocked by the sweater, Remus flipped James off. James laughed as he flipped Remus off back.

After everyone said goodbye, James and Regulus began to walk back to the cabin. When he was sure they were out of earshot, Regulus said, “James, you know I can swim, right?” he actually wasn’t sure if James knew this, because he always seemed so worried when Regulus was in the water. “I know.” he said.
“And typically, when someone can swim, they don’t need to wear a lifejacket or have their boyfriend right next to them the whole time.” Regulus tried.
“Yes.” James answered.

They were both silent for a moment, it was clear James wanted to say something. Regulus waited. Eventually, James said so quickly that Regulus almost didn’t hear him “It’s just I can’t stop thinking about that one summer where you almost drowned.”
“Who told you about that?” Regulus asked.

It was one of his first summers at camp, and Regulus and Pandora had gone to play on the Water Trampoline. Regulus hadn’t eaten a single thing in days. He knew it was a bad idea to go in the water, but Pandora really wanted to go, and he couldn’t exactly tell her that he hadn’t been eating.

When they were on the Trampoline, Regulus jumped into the water. He tried to swim up, but he was so dizzy. That was the last thing he remembered before waking up on the dock.

It had been a colder day, so not many people were there. Pandora was the only person there he’d recognized on the Trampoline. Dr. Pomfrey later told Sirius and their parents about it, but Regulus had made Sirius promise not to tell anyone. He was already embarrassed enough as it was.

“I was there.” James said.
“No, you weren’t.” Regulus countered.
“Yes, I was. Sirius was planning a prank on your cabin, and I came to warn you to hide your shampoo. I looked everywhere for you, then I saw you on the Trampoline with Pandora. I sat on the dock and waited for you to come back, but then you jumped in the water and didn’t come up.” James’ eyes started to water “I ran crying to the swim staff, and that’s when they pulled you out.”
“But you weren’t there when I woke up.” Regulus countered.
“Because I was hysterically crying. One of the swim staff who wasn’t helping you took me off the dock and calmed me down on the beach. Then she took me to my counsellors and made me sit with them for what felt like years.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Regulus asked.
“I went up to you at dinner that night, and you quite literally told me to fuck off. I was kind of scared of you, so I did. Then Sirius never said anything to me about it, but I could tell he knew because he was on edge for the rest of the summer. When he didn’t say anything to me, I figured I wasn’t supposed to know, so I never said anything. But from then on, I always watched you when you were in the water. That’s why I’m so close to you when we’re in the water. I don’t want that to happen to you again.” James finished.

“James,” Regulus started, “I was really sick when that happened. That wouldn’t happen now, and I was like 12 years old, I’m a much better swimmer now.”
“That’s what I try and tell myself, but I can’t stop worrying. I don’t want to lose you.” James started to cry. “You’re not going to lose me.” Regulus pulled him into a hug. James cried into his shoulder as he clung to Regulus, “I can’t lose you.” he cried.
“You won’t.” Regulus reassured him.

Regulus let James cry for a few minutes, and when he started to calm down, Regulus suggested, “Why don’t we go back to the cabin and put on some dry clothes? We can watch a movie or something.”
“Okay.” James said as he wiped the tears off his face.
“Okay.” Regulus grabbed James’ hand “You can even pick the movie.”
“Cars?” James didn’t miss a beat.
“Sure, let’s go back to the cabin and watch a kids movie.” Regulus agreed, and they started towards the cabin again.

End Notes
Hi! Long time no see. Sorry about that, I'm in my second year of university and life is very busy. But I love this fic so much and trust I am always thinking about it.

Ignore how it was just in this chapter that I started having Regulus and Sirius speak to each other in French when they're alone, it makes sense to me that they would, but I didn't add it until right now. And Regulus, he really wants to tell James he loves him and Sirius calling him out :), Regulus is #scared. Give him a second, he will get there. Also James! He's literally perfect in everything that he does. I love them so much.

Thank you for your patience as I slowly update this fic. And thank you so much for all the support you guys have given me. I know I always say this, but all the kudos and comments really do mean the world to me. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter.