Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Miles and (Y/n) have always been together.

They couldn't think of the last time they weren't attached to each other’s hip. In every class they sat beside each other, every bus ride was with them sitting together. When someone saw Miles, (Y/n) wasn't far behind. They were always together.

Which explains why Miles was currently tangled in (Y/n)’s arms, crying his eyes out on his bed.

“I just— I don't understand, I'm doing everything right, aren’t i??” He asks pitifully, grasping onto (Y/n)’s sweater for dear life, like they would disappear if he didn’t.

“Miles, i know- i know, its..” they couldn't find the words. Gwen didn't like him. That was the plain truth of it,she just, didn't like him like that. There should have been no underlying achievement, but this was the perfect opportunity for (Y/n). They felt disgusting for saying that, but it was true. Miles gets his heartbroken over Gwen, (Y/n) steps in to comfort him, and he realizes the person who’s been there for him during everything, the person who’s been with him since day one, would always stay by his side. It would have been perfect, the ideal situation.

But of course, life didn't really work like that, did it?

“You didn't do anything wrong. She.. I know, it hurts, Mi. i know it feels like, like a little guy with a jagged rock is trying to rip out from your heart.” They hoped to get a giggle out of that, but to no avail. “And, if i'm being honest… It's gonna hurt like that. for a while, actually. That little guy isn’t going to fully go away yet.”

They gave it a minute, letting Miles breath in and out, letting him understand what they were saying. Right when they were about to speak up, Miles cut them off.

“If this is supposed to be makin’ me feel better, its doin’ an awful job.”

They chuckled sadly at him, putting their hand gently on the back of his neck.

“Shut up, dork face, i'm not done” They thought meticulously about what they were about to say next. “..It’s gonna suck. You’ll wanna rip your hair out when you see her, you’ll spend days and nights critiquing yourself, wondering what was wrong with you, why didn't she like you, but.. it's not anything wrong with you. You’re a good guy, Miles. You’re sweet, artistic, funny, a fucking genius, youre like- youre awesome, is what im trying to say.”

They gave it another second, collecting their thoughts.

“But, one day, it’ll become manageable. You won't wanna rip your hair out, you can stomach seeing her with other people. And if you're lucky, the feeling will go away.” They said this part more quietly, petting his thick ass hair. They always loved his hair.

The next few moments were covered in silence, only Miles' occasional sniffling was heard. (Y/n) realized pretty quickly the ‘ideal situation’ was never gonna happen. The ideal situation of course wasn't the reason they where comforting Miles, in love with him or not, they’d always be there. But a kid could dream, right?

(Y/n) knew about Miles being spiderman, about the spider verse, the whole shebang, they were there for most of it. They knew about the interdimensional portals, how Miles was currently trying to study those to see his friends, they knew everything. He couldn't hide anything from them, it just came out of him like an open book.

Miles was about to say something, when suddenly, random objects in his room started to fly up.

“What the fuck-“

They were cut off shortly after they started talking, Miles seeming perfectly fine now, giddy even. They were very confused until they finally looked up.

A portal.

And who came out of that portal but Gwen Stacy, almost falling on top of (Y/n).

“Oh shit- sorry guys, was i interrupting something?” Gwen says quickly and apologetically, looking over to (Y/n), then Miles. Miles ignores this question in favor of a hug.

They watch as Miles wraps his arms around Gwen, holding her just above the thinnest part of her waist and squeezed tight. The way his hands grasp almost desperately at her suit, his head falling into the crook of her neck, it almost hurt. Who were they kidding? It did hurt, but nothing they could do about it. They kept quiet. They watched the two friends reunite, it was cute, in some bittersweet, gut wrenching way.

Once Gwen let go, she turned to (Y/n), giving her a smaller, but equally nice hug.

“Ohmpf- Hi Gwen!!” They said happily, a bit of anxious shock in their voice. Them and Gwen could be qualified as friends, but they didn't really know if Gwen actually missed them like she did with miles.

“Hey, sorry! Guess I kinda just, got a little excited.” Gwen cheerful demeanour is a little off putting, but welcome nonetheless. They watch Gwen walk around miles room, pointing to various items with questions and comments of her own. The conversation quickly became about the spider verse. (Y/n) kept quiet.

While (Y/n)didn't necessarily feel excluded when it came to talks like this, they definitely made them feel out of place. These were spider-people!! They fight crime, bad guys, save the world, and (Y/n) was just.. there? They sort of just lingered, looking around and twiddling their thumbs. They aren't as important as these people, not by a long shot. Again, they were just..

Kinda there.

“(Y/n)?” Gwen spoke up, (Y/n) realizing they were being incredibly rude and tuning out the conversation with someone that havent seen for a year jesus christ could you be a little more polite??—

“Sorry?’ (Y/n) picks at their socks, looking in between Miles and Gwen. Miles seems to be just smitten, staring at Gwen with hearts in his eyes.

“Oh, me and Miles are gonna go for a swing so he can show me his ‘cool new moves’, wanna come?” Gwen asked, her hand on her cocked out hip and a friendly smile on her face.

(Y/n) wasent stupid, they werent going to fuck this up for Miles. It doesn't matter what their feelings are. They’d let him have his moment, it's his to experience. They wouldn’t just screw up his first time seeing the girl he's in love with, just because they could get a little jealous. They’re not that petty.

“I'll take a raincheck, I don't wanna weigh you guys down while you're swinging.” They stated simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. They honestly thought Gwen was just being nice. Asking them was a weird thing to do, they didn't have any web shooters or powers, they’d ruin their flow. Besides, they dont wanna cock block Miles.

“You sure? Me or Miles could just carry ya.” Gwen proposed, sitting down next to (Y/n) on the bed. They couldn't help that their hand went to their mouth, they really couldn't!! Picking their lips right up until they bled was always something they seemed to do in times of anxiousness.

They didn't even bother to see/think of what Miles' reaction to holding them would be. In a perfect world, he’d blush and stutter while looking away. But this wasn't perfect. They cuddled and hugged seemingly all the time, it was no issue for them. They’d assume Miles wouldn’t want to infront Gwen, though. The thought of him holding them close to his chest while the love of his life stood not 4 feet away seemed cruel to the both of them.

“I’m sure. Plus, I already told Mrs Morales that I'd help with decorating for Jeff's promotion party. Miles, don't forget the cake.”

In reality, the promotion party wasn't until 5 and it was currently 1, but who’s counting? Surely not them. They gave Miles a playful glare as they said that last bit. They knew he’d probably forget and they’d have to text him a gazillion times anyways, but they’re not complaining. Any chance to get to talk to him more, they thought.

“I won't, promise.” Miles said sweetly. His voice was just like honey, wasn't it? Smooth and pretty. Ok, stop being down bad, dumbass.

“Whatever you say, dork.” (Y/n) said playfully as Gwen got up from the bed, walking over to Miles and the window.

“See ya in a bit, loser.” Miles returns just as silly, both of the spider people falling out the window and swinging away.

….Well, this sucked.

Don’t get them wrong, they’re very happy that they got to see Gwen. She’s cool, pretty, funny and chill, she’s basically everything they looked for in a friend. She’s just.. she's Miles' type. Granted, (Y/n) didn't actually know what Miles' type was, but they figured it was Gwen considering Gwen's the first girl Miles seemed interested in since Kelly in the third grade.

No point in moping around though, not when there's a party to prepare.

Chapter Text

The party was relatively easy to set up for- Mrs Morales had already prepared all the food she needed for it, so it was just a matter of setting up the tables, plating the food, and hanging up a few balloons. Everything was going perfect, actually.

…If they forgot about the predicament they were currently in. Miles with the love of his life, also relying on Miles to pick up the cakes, also knowing Miles to blabber when nervous, and also knowing Miles was, yknow, Spider-man. So he could be out for way longer than intended.Yeah, that stressed them out.

All the people on the roof mingling about started to stress them out, their hands finding their way to their lips. Mrs Morales was also seemingly looking for Miles. (Y/n) took out their phone and quickly called miles. It rang for about a minute before beeping, Miles voicemail causing (Y/n) to shiver.

“Hey Miles- You’re uh, you're late, and uhm, your mom is looking for you..”

They look around, their fingers continuously picking at their abused and chapped lips.

“..I know, that,, I know, you missed Gwen, and stuff, but.. Your dad really wants you here. It would make his world, yknow?… Also, you’re picking up the cakes.”

They chuckle at the end, hoping the joke reaches Miles' ears. They let the call go flat for a moment. Looking over all the guests at the party, whether they be family or friends, they all were having a blast. Why did he have to run off for such a long time?

“..Anyways, I won't bore you too much. Just hurry up, doofus. Love ya.”

They turned off the phone reluctantly and shoved it in the back pocket of their shorts. God, this kinda sucked. It’s not even a big deal, why did this affect them so much? It’s not like they’ve never gone this long without Miles around. They were fine when Miles went to art camp in fourth grade for the summer. Granted, they begged their parents to send them with him next summer, but they still spent that fourth grade summer without him. Or when Miles went to Niagara falls for a weekend, leaving (Y/n) to fend for themselves at school. See? Who cares if they can count the amount of times on one hand (no thumbs!!) that they've been without him, they’ve done it before with way longer periods of time, let alone a few hours.

.. So why did it suck so much ass?

They stuffed their headphones in their ears and started mingling at the edges of the roof. They scrolled through their playlist, unaware of the footsteps behind them.

“Baby! There you are, have you seen Miles?”

It was Mrs Morales, in all her glowing glory. (Y/n) and her were close. So close that Miles constantly jokes that they were secretly the favorite child.

They took their earbuds out.

“Sorry Mrs Morales, haven't seen him.” They responded, pulling at their hoodie, then starting to pick at their lips. Their hand was quickly swatted away.

“Cariño, stahp! You’re not gonna get any kisses when your lips are torn to shreds.” She says jokingly, placing her hands on their cheeks.

The conversation leaves the topic of Miles wearabouts and shifts to school studies, sports, or any other extra curricular activities. (Y/n) knew they were only buying Miles a few minutes with this chat, but they didn't care.

Miles was lucky he was getting any help right now.

———

The brooklyn air hit their faces as they swung all around the town looking at all the people below. They all looked like little specs, he thought. (Y/n) would probably compare them to stars.

They finally came to their stop, on top of some random building to observe a public park. Gwen took a seat on the ledge, Miles not too far behind.

Miles and Gwens last conversation left a bit of tension in the air. Not enough to be really notable, but definitely weighing on Miles' subconscious. Something scratching, itching at the back of his skull, trying to eat its way through his brain. He shivers at the thought.

“So… How’s (Y/n) doin?” Gwen asked, looking over to Miles with a sort of bittersweet expression.

“What? What, what about them?” Miles responded, looking equally as confused as he felt.

“I dunno, they seemed really.. off? I guess? Kinda spacey, loopy even? Again, I dunno.” She looked down at all the people in the park. An old couple, a few kids on bikes, a group of teenagers… “You know them better than I do, so I was just wondering if they’re doing okay.”

Miles looked back at Gwen with a perplexed look on his face. (Y/n) was fine and he knew that. He was their best friend, and he always knew when something was wrong with them. He was their rock, and they were his.

“Listen, I'd know if there’d be anything wrong with em… It’s sweet you're worried about em, though.”

Miles was trying so desperately to be smooth, and he kinda was? If Gwen had liked him, she'd probably be blushing. She just chuckled instead.

“Heh, thanks Miles.”

They both fell into a comfortable silence as they watched the people in the park. They’re breathing was slow, relaxed. They both really needed this. Miles needed to see the person he loved, and so did Gwen. Everything seemed to be perfect, the perfect opportunity, one might say. But suddenly, Gwen spoke up.

“Hey, when are ya picking up the cake for (Y/n)?-“

“Oh shit-!”

—-

It had been 30 minutes.

It had been 45.

It was running on 55 minutes when Miles finally showed up. Almost an hour late to his own father's promotion party, and he was the one bringing the cakes.

(Y/n) Didn't really know what to do when she finally saw him. There he was in all his glory, holding two cake boxes that look like they’ve been through hell, Gwen no wheres to be seen. Weird.

They quickly make their way over to Miles, trying to find him before his parents do.

“Miles, dude, what took you so long?” They asked worriedly, their hand picking at their lips.

“We just- lost track o’ time, i guess? stop that.” Miles swatted at their hand. They both made their ways to the food table, being stopped occasionally by Miles relatives so they could tell him how cute he was.

They finally reached the food table. “Mi, your parents are gonna skin you for being this late.” Miles visibly looked uncomfortable. All his movements were stiff and weird, it was obvious he didn't wanna be here. They felt bad.

“You think I don't know that? I'll be lucky if they don't serve me at this stupid party.” Miles winced after he said that. He knew it wasn't stupid, it was a crazy big deal to his dad. He felt bad.

“Dude, relax, it’ll- it’ll be fine, just.. try to be agreeable, take whatever they give you, and don't get defensive.” They tried to name off the ways to get off easier with his parents, but Miles didn't seem like he was having it.

“Defensive? I don't get defensive.” Miles stated, looking a bit conflicted. (Y/n) gave him a, ‘Are you serious?’ look, and he quickly shut up.

“Okay okay, I get it. Just how am i supposed to-“

Miles' head shot up immediately, grabbing your hand and dragging you back inside the building.

“Miles, what the hell are you doing?-“ They asked, confused, while being dragged down the stairs to Miles' apartment and running inside of it.

“Spidey senses.” Miles always responded with these things like they were the most simple thing in the world. Sure, they could understand intuition, but they could never wrap their head around the fact that that was in fact a spidey superpower.

(Y/n) caught up to them. “Ok, whatever, but this is important to your family. Why were your spidey senses even going off anyways??” They walk in front of him backwards, almost tripping over a few things.

Miles quickly goes into his room. (Y/n) of course follows.

“My parents were gonna find me! I'm not gonna riskin that. I cant tell em that I’m-”

Miles was prematurely cut off, by a very angry looking Mrs and Mr Morales.

“That you’re what?..”

The two teenagers turned around, it looked like something out of a sitcom. Once they slowly turned around and actually faced the couple, (Y/n) prayed for any chance of survival for Miles.

The silence was screaming at them. It washed over them like a big, unavoidable wave, and was currently drowning them. Or at least, that's what (Y/n) felt like. She hated disappointing Miles' parents.

When the yelling started, (Y/n) kind of started to tune out everything. It was awkward as hell. don't get them wrong, they’ve heard Miles getting yelled at before, it comes with the territory of being a best friend, but that doesn’t mean it doesn't get less awkward everytime it happens. They started to pick at their lips and wow isn’t that wall interesting?

They tune back in when they hear Jeff yell “You’re grounded!”

Miles, ignoring everything that (Y/n) had told them earlier, immediately got defensive.

“W-What? You’re kidding, right?” Miles threw his arms out, him expressing his surprise and anger.

“Well, what did you expect! You're always hiding stuff from us, always lying, missing school, we don’t even know who you are anymore!” Rio exclaimed, obviously very hurt and upset. Both Jeff and Rio’s body language made (Y/n)’s heart hurt; Two parents, upset and worried for their son, their pride and joy.

The argument seemed to go on for a few more minutes, miles talking back, only for his parents to up his groundedness to 2 months. (Y/n) winced as the screaming continued.

They waited it out in the corner as they picked at their lips. They looked at their best friend.

God.. They felt terrible. Miles' face was scrunched up and lined with hurt and anger, his eyes wet and filled with fire. They wanted to calm him down, maybe run their fingers down the back of his neck like how they knew he liked it, the way it grounded him. But they would never intercept while Mrs and Mr Morales were yelling, not in a million years. 'Good luck, bud', they thought.

Once the couple had left (with a loud slam of the door), Miles immediately went to his bed and angrily threw himself on it. He held his head in his hands morosely and started to rub the back of his neck as he huffed.

(Y/n), ever the fixer, immediately went to Miles' side and started to rub his back. Their cold hands ran along Miles' spine, a small involuntary shiver ran down him.

…What do you say in these situations? You'd think (Y/n) would know considering how many times they've done this, but they feel like everytime they're just winging it. Never sure of themselves, somehow the right words stumble and fall out of their mouth. Always conflicted.

"..So much for being pliant."

God, was that the worst thing that's ever come out of their mouth?? They cringe and look away, feeling Miles annoyed stare on them.

"I know, sorry." They went back to rubbing his back and then brought him into a sort of side hug.

..It didn't really feel as natural as it usually does. They hug all the time, so why doesn't it feel like it? It felt alien and weird. They were about to ditch the hug before Miles leaned into their arms. His hair gently brushed against the edge of their chin, Miles' head finding its way in the crook of their neck. They can feel Miles deflate underneath them.

…OK, would you pull it together?!?

They give themselves a mental slap to the face. The love of your life, and more importantly, Your best friend is in distress and you can't do anything because you feel awkward?? They roll their eyes at themselves and focus back on Miles.

"..You okay?"

It was a little clunky, but it was getting the ball rolling. Miles groans and sits himself up, making sure his shoulders were pressed against theirs.

"I just- I don't get it! This is the first time in my life that I haven't been perfect for them! I get good grades, I stay outta trouble, and they ground me?!"

(Y/n) let Miles go on his little rant. They were aware of both sides (and frankly could very much see where Miles' parents were coming from), but they knew Miles was only seeing through tunnel vision right now. He needed to get it out of his system first.

"And- And for three months? Spiderman doesn't get grounded for three months!!"

Miles gets up from his spot on the bed and starts to pace around his room hastily. (Y/n)'s fingers go up to their lips.

"I just wish that they understood! Do you know how hard this is? It's like I can never win!"

Miles rambles as he waves his arms about, starting to rub at his neck nervously. There was a small crease in-between his eyebrows and it was plain as day to see the frustration brewing in his body. It seeped through him and ran through under his skin as it poured out of his mouth.

"It's- it's either I'm saving lives and being a terrible son, or I'm the perfect son and letting people die."

Miles let out his frustrations as he turned to the window.

"...Grounded. I'm not grounded, I'm spiderman."

(Y/n) huffed quietly. their fingernails digging into their lips, the dead skin ripping off as a small bead of blood dripped into their mouth. They wiped their mouth and got up.

They walk up next to Miles and placed one of their hands in-between his shoulder blades.

"You're also Miles Morales." They try to give him a supporting smile and give him a gentle bump with the side of their hip. "Ya know, world's best friend and son, whizz kid, crazy good artist, and someone with the drive and determination that scares off all and any competition?"

They see Miles smirk slightly, and they already start feeling a bit more confident with their pep talk.

"And… I'm not gonna pretend to know what you're going through. I'm never gonna- gonna be able to fully understand, but i'm always gonna try my best." They move their hand to the back of his neck and gently stroke along the bones underneath the skin. "And so are they. They're trying their best."

They sigh and stare out the window.

"We all are."

They stay quiet for a few seconds before letting their hand drop down to their side. Neither of them take their view off the window. The pretty lights of brooklyn look nice under the darker backdrop of the night sky, and it sends a sense of calm through the teens.

"And I know for a fact you're working overtime. And it sucks that I'm one of the only people who can give you recognition for that, because you deserve the entire world praising you for the things you do."

They look over at Miles. His face has an emotion that, for the first time, (Y/n) feels like they can't read.

"But, being a superhero isn't fair. Especially when you're this young." They grab Miles' hand and squeeze it gently. "But I recognize it.. a-and Gwen does too. Isn't that enough?"

God, that hurt. A bittersweet grin that doesn't quite reach their eyes like they wanted it to stretches across their face as they hit Miles' side with their interlocked hands.

Miles lets out a small chuckle as he stares at the window.

"..Yeah, guess you're right. When aren't you?"

He jokes as he looks over at them. He chuckles and lets go of their hand, poking the side of their torso with his bony ass finger.

"How about you stop therapisting me and go enjoy the party?"

They chuckled and swatted his hand away. They jumped out of the way and flopped on his bed.

"Therapisting?! What even is that!!!"

They laughed and chuckled as Miles continued to poke and tickle their sides, sometimes even tasering them. The play wrestled for a bit and things felt… normal. Happy. Not as awkward as before, that's for sure. Things seemed to work perfectly when (Y/n) ignored their feelings, they noticed.

They both giggled like children as they relaxed on Miles' bed. Miles sighed with a smile on his face.

"..I should probably apologize to them, huh."

It wasn't a question, Miles knew he would have to. He was trying to sound ungrateful to them, and (Y/n) knew that. Sometimes people just get lost in their feelings and say things they don't mean.

"Yeah, probably your best course of action. Whaddya gonna say?"

They flipped onto their stomach and grabbed one of the plushies Miles had on his bed, tucking it under their neck.

"Not a clue in the world. Maybe I'll just wing it because I'm sucha 'whizz kid'".

Miles sends a smug look (Y/n)'s way and they immediately hit him with the plushy that was comfortably tucked under their neck moments before.

"I take back every compliment I gave to you. You're a worthless degenerate."

They joke as Miles cackles in a crazy way, like he was some sort of evil old wizard. What a doofus.

(Y/n) let's out their own cackle and covers their mouth, basically curling in on themselves when they laugh. Miles laughs harder.

"You look like a fuckin shrimp!!"

They both laugh so hard that their mouths start to hurt, no actual noise coming from their mouths. (Y/n) starts slapping their leg as Miles sucks in more breath.

As the laughing died down once again, (Y/n) turned back to Miles.

"You ready to go out there?"

Miles sighed and looked over at his best friend.

"Uhg, I guess."

Miles jokes dramatically as he flops over on the bed again, his hand over his forehead. (Y/n) rolls their eyes.

"Yeah, pack it up drama queen." They chuckle as they grab Miles' hand and pull him up.

"Cmon, let's go fart face."

Chapter Text

____in this chapter, there's use of the word mija. If I'm ever writing in another language, I'll mostly default to the feminine spelling of the word. (Y/n) is still gender neutral!

After Miles apologized to his parents, it seemed like everything went back to normal. Trust me he's still grounded, but his parents dont look like they wanna slap him over the head anymore, which was a win in their book.

Now, just because things are back to normal doesn’t necessarily mean they’re good. Believe them, (Y/n)’s happy that Miles isn’t in boiling water anymore. But..

Ya know, it kinda sucks having to awkwardly stand around on a roof full of people you don't know while your best friend (and the person you currently have romantic feelings for) talks with someone else the entire time someplace else, leaving you to fend for yourself.

So, yeah, (Y/n) wouldn’t exactly say they were having the best time ever. But hey, win is a win, even if that win is for Miles.

They awkwardly picked at their lips in the corner of the roof, looking out at the pretty street and car lights. The way they bounced off the wet puddles on the road feels like something right out of a painting, or maybe even an album cover. They listen to the song playing through their headphones as the cold breeze runs over their legs.

..Should they just go home?

It’s obvious that Miles is preoccupied, and it's not like it's gonna make a big difference to Jeff if they leave a bit earlier. It just feels a little awkward to just, stand and do nothing. Waiting for someone who’s not coming.

And don't get them wrong! They’re not mad at Miles for spending time with Gwen without them, they're not that possessive. Miles can have time away from them, it's just the circumstances that are really kicking them in the gut. ‘Would you shut up? Not everything’s about you, god, you’re self centred.’

(Y/n) shook their head and pushed some hair back, swiftly grabbing their phone from their pocket and started texting Miles.

You 6;32pm
‘hey, not feeling too good. gonna head home, gl w gwen <333’

They sent the text and swiftly made their way over to Jeff and Rio.

They swerved through groups of Miles relatives and family friends, almost tripping a few times, before actually making it to the adults. They smiled and looked up at the two taller people and then waved awkwardly at the man and smiled.

Jeff quickly smiled and brought the teen into a hug.

“(Y/n)! C’mere, kid!” (Y/n) Smiled happily and returned the hug as well. While they were happy they were met with such enthusiasm, they didn't understand why. They were with Miles while he got yelled at, they kinda thought Mrs and Mr Morales were mad at them too. They shook off the weird feeling and enjoyed the contact. “Congratulations again Mr Morales!”

“Oh please, it was bound to happen any day now!” Jeff said with a certain amount of confidence that, even if he tried to hide it, he was clear he was overwhelmingly excited about it.

Rio quickly made her way into the conversation by placing her hand on (Y/n)’s shoulder.

“We also would like to thank you for talking some sense into Miles.”

Rio had a smug look on her face that showed that she knew (Y/n) was the reason Miles came to his senses so quickly. (Y/n) blushed a bit and chuckled, their hand coming up to their lips.

“Oh please, he would have realized he was being snotty with or without my help. I was just there to quicken the process.”

They joked so easily with the Morales family, much easier than they would with their own family. This one always felt more like home than theirs did.

“Oh please, mija, it would have taken him at least a week. that boy is lost without you, I swear.”

(Y/n) couldn't help but smile at that. Little critters flying and rolling around in their stomach, a bit of a red hue painting their cheeks. A small curl of their smile that reached their eyes.

“Speakin’ a’ which, where's he at?” Jeff asked as he looked around for his son. “Usually y’all are glued at the hip.”

..and as quickly as those critters rolled and flew, they turned into a pit in their stomach and flew up to make their throat seemingly close over.

They brushed off the feeling and looked around for their best friend.

“Uhm, I’m not actually sure, i think he’s with gwenn-nda, gwenda, yeah, but uhm- i actually came over here to tell you i'm leaving early, and to congratulate Mr Morales again.” They turned back towards Jeff and gave an apologetic smile

“oh mija, why? Is something wrong?”

There's that pit in their stomach again. It fizzed and popped like a cold bottle of pepsi, but was dull and hard like a dried bread roll. It was a terrible feeling.

“Just- real bad headache, you know how I get em.” They quickly made up a believable excuse, but it didn't fool Rio. It might have fooled their only family, but nothing would ever go over this woman’s head. She turned to Jeff.

“Hun, go grab some water, hm?”

The question didn't really sound like a question, but he left quickly. Rio grabbed their shoulders.

“(Y/n), is something wrong? Do you feel like you're going to have a panic attack? You know you could always go to Miles room-“

(Y/n) listened to Rio’s concerns, and they couldn't help but tear up a bit. They sighed and grabbed Rio’s hands off their shoulders.

“I’m fine, Mamá. I'll go lay down inside and you can check up on me later, kay?”

They hoped this would be a good enough escape. Sure, inside the apartment still made them think of Miles, but it also made them feel at home.

They could see Rio tear up a bit at the thought that (Y/n) thought of her as their mother, but she was quick to wipe it away and bring them into a hug. They both knew that there was more to this than (Y/n) was letting on. Rio would forgive it this time.

“Okay, Mija. Rest easy, okay?”

(Y/n) nodded and let go of the hug. They shoved their hands in their pockets as they walked away from Rio.

Once they were inside the complexe, they let the tears return to their eyes. “God, why are you so dramatic?” They whispered under their breath to themselves. They were quick to wipe them away as they stumbled into the apartment.

They quickly ran to Miles’ room and collapsed onto his bed, stuffing their face into the plushy there. The bed meer hours before they were laughing and joking. ‘Why are you so sensitive??’

They let out a shaky sigh as they looked down at the stuffy. It was an incredibly ugly duck holding a banana. It was some stupid prize that Miles won at a carnival they went to in the 9th grade, and he was so smug about it. (Y/n) laughs through the tears at the memory and squeezes the duck closer to their chest.

They just.. cry. Like Miles did only hours before. Except..

They’re alone.

No best friend to comfort them.

No rock.

.
.
.
.

It felt like hours that (Y/n) cried into the poor (now tear covered) ugly duck.

It was actually only 30 minutes, but at least now the headache excuse they gave to Rio was true.

They wiped their nose using the sleeve of their sweater and got up, leaving the duck behind on the bed as they started to trudge to the bathroom. They were quick to give themselves a look over.

…Yikes.

They had tear streaks all down their face, their eyes were red and puffy, and there was an embarrassing amount of snot running down their face. Their hair was scruffy and messy, their face and chest were blotchy, they just looked.. really bad.

They were quick to discard their sweater for a minute to cool themselves off, splashing some cold water on their face before grabbing a cloth. They run it under the cold water and start dabbing it along their chest to at least try to get rid of the blotchiness. They threw their sweater back on and grabbed a few tissues to blow their nose.

They fixed up their hair before looking at themselves again.

They looked better, you could say. But they didn't look like themselves.

Their eyes were dull. There was no smile, not even a trace of one. They looked… tired.

They were about to go on a self deprecating rant, before they felt their phone go off from their back pocket. They’re quick to check it.

Asshat 7:14pm
shit u gud??
srry just saw this

A stupid smile came to (Y/n)’s face. How could such a simple message make their heart beat faster? Make them happier? It was so dumb, so stupid and infantile, but they couldn't help the genuine smile appear on their face.

You 7:14pm
dw im good, ur mama convinced me to stay in the apartment.
how r things w gwen?

God, are they a masochist or something?? They don’t wanna know how things with Gwen are. They want to kiss him, to tell him how much he means to them, to grab his shirt and pull him into the most comfortable and warm and loving hug he’s ever felt and-

Asshat 7:15pm
same as always. she says shes goin back soon :// you feel good enough to come say goodbye?

.. Did they? They mean- of course they do! Gwen’s their friend, and (Y/n) always said no boy would ever get in the middle of a friendship.

They look up at themselves in the mirror. They catch that smile. That glint in their eyes. The spark in their face. All this because of Miles? They chuckle at themselves.

“You can't rely on others for your happiness, (Y/n). Don't be dumb, you know better than that.”

They smiled bittersweetly at their reflection. But is it so bad?

They roll their eyes with a grin and look back at their phone.

Asshat 7:16pm
if u feel good enough. no pressure.

You 7:16pm
course!! where yall at?

They smile and start walking out of the bathroom with a little more pep in their step. They have to think about this more positively! Just ignore the fact that they're in love with the person they’ve known their entire life and that that person holds absolutely no romantic feelings for them whatsoever and is very in love with someone who’s just out of his reach!

….Easy.

They ignore that little rant their head just went on and heads to the apartment door.