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Chapter Text

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Seungmin was wrapped in a web of lies. They weren't his lies, of course, he despised lying to his members. Minho gripped his chin before leaving the bathroom,   "Be a good boy and keep quiet, if anyone asks I was with you at your lessons tonight got it?"   Minho's face held a beautiful glare, his sharp eyes peering into Seungmin's soft ones...Seungmin melted from his adrenaline dying down as the cold air started nipping at his naked body, he nodded,   "Course Hyung..."   Seungmin hated lying... almost as much as he hated Minho. But oh did he love to play his games.

He jumped as the bathroom door slammed shut. He shook his head, trying to rip himself out of his subspace…He doesn't think Minho knows that from one glance he sends Seungmin deep into a subspace…only to leave him in the depths of a subdrop… he at least hopes Minho doesn't know…then again Minho didn't care about him…so it wouldn't be shocking that he knew and just didn't care enough. Seungmin huffed a shuddering breath. Feeling tears drip as he trembled and cleaned his bottom and thighs. Blood dried on his skin and floor from the bite marks. Hissing as he trailed over the bruises and cuts left by the razor Minho wanted to use on him. The excitement and adrenaline dying down as he thought about how the hell he found himself stuck in this web…

It was…gradual until Seungmin nose-dived into Minho's venom. He was burnt as soon as he fell. Seungmin has always been on the non-sexual side…until Minho kissed him. Warm hands traveling down his body. Being pulled onto Minho's lap as he rutted up onto him. Seungmin tasted the fear, the discomfort, and the pure disgust. And loved it. He's always chased things that left him riddled with clogging anxiety. It was his personal form of self-harm. Minho just happened to be the perfect person for Seungmin to let himself be ruined by. 

Minho was an enigma. After his and Jisung's relationship ended… Minho became a shell of who he once was…while still keeping up his appearance… Seungmin loathes that he gave in to him. Despises that he betrayed Jisung. He just hopes Jisung will never find out they were doing this behind his back…Seungmin tried reasoning with Minho…Minho made that difficult when he shoved something in his mouth and tied his hands…

Seungmin slipped his clothes back on and headed out, he still had vocal lessons and dinner with Chan.

He knew where Minho was going tonight. After the breakup he went almost every night, making Seungmin lie when a member asked about why Minho wasn't in his bed. Seungmin was tasked to stay in his room until late in the morning. Stage it too seem like Minho slept there…making Seungmin miss the warm shower that started his days off nice, missing the breakfast Jeongin would make for them. If asked, 'Oh Min hyung went to workout' 'Min hyung just want for coffee with his friend..' He went to an underground nightclub. Where he'd do God knows what. When Seungmin asked he got punished and spanked, he never got any real answers out of Minho…

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Seungmin didn't realize how fucked he was until tonight. Minho had him pinned down on his bed. Brutally pounding into him. Pain blossoming from every bleeding bite mark. With every cut from the new pretty knife Minho bought, Minho's hand wrapped around his neck, his hands tied uncomfortably behind his back, squishing them until they were numb. He wasn't hitting his prostate at all. Nothing but pain. He was sobbing out for him to stop, soft safewording was their favorite; even though Seungmin suggested it because he truly wanted to stop, but didn't want that control. Didn't want the pain to stop no matter how much his body asked for it. His mind panicked and scrambled to Stop. Stop. Stop.   "H-Hyun-g p-please no m-ore…"   Minho chuckled darkly above him, going even faster, dragging the knife harshly down his chest,   "Be a good toy and take it."   God he'd do anything Minho says…but oh did Seungmin want this to end…everything…he's been letting himself be used for months…months with degration. Months with never-ending scars, wounds, bite marks, hickeys. Months of being a toy, prey in Minho's webs. Months of being left alone in his subspace only to drop so hard he contemplated taking his life until he drifted to sleep, months of watching his hyung grow from the breakup. Watching him and Jisung get closer again, flirt, flow back into the gentle touches they always shared. Once that happened Minho treated Seungmin worse and worse every time. Fucks him harder. Fucks him until he finishes and leaves. Months of…emptiness. Months of watching every other member push him away.

He wasn't the nicest after Minho would fuck him until he was a sobbing, bleeding mess. He hated lying…hated that he put himself into this corner. Hated that he was starting to get consumed by anxiety…hated how even Chan blew him off to have dinner with Sungie and Binnie on his late vocal lesson nights. Detested himself; so much for loving it.

Minho finished, snapping his hips and roughly untying his hands, Seungmin stared at the ceiling as his cock which was once hard, softened. Never getting to cum…he didn't mind. He felt like he could throw up if he looked at the damage on his body, if he looked Minho in the eye…so he looked up, flinching away from Minho's weirdly timed soft touch.   "Minnie?"   Seungmin tightened his jaw as bile rose,   "Sir?"   "No no, just hyung, are you okay?"   Seungmin whined…did he upset him? Was he not good enough? W-What did he do wrong?   "Woah Minnie breath…can you look at me?"   No no, he can't, he needs to be a good toy and look away.   "I'm okay."   His mouth felt like jello. Blood felt like it was filling his mouth as he bit his tongue, his cheeks, his lip.   "Minnie…what's wrong hmm?"   Seungmin's mind fully shut down. He didn't like this soft tone…didn't want this gentleness.   "N-"   nope, he's going to throw up. He breathed and gulped down bile, wincing at the acid that burnt his throat and nose. He flinched and curled away as Minho gently grabbed his face. No. Seungmin wanted to feel like he was going to die from anxiety, drown in it. He gulped again,   "want to be alone…my routine."   His routine of rotting in his drop…please Minho be cruel….   "Okay Minnie, just breathe…please call me if you need me back in here hmm?"   Seungmin didn't answer just stared off. Feeling his heart drop…his stomach burn. He was stuck. He heard the door close. His mind yelling at him to move, get up, clean himself off, and put clothes over his disgusting body. But he couldn't move. He genuinely felt paralyzed, his eyes burning as they widely stared off into space. Unblinking. He could barely breathe. His body hurts…His neck hurt from being squeezed for so long. Minho never stopped to think about Seungmin’s vocal lessons, and how much it hurt to sing like this…he was glad he was never a thought in his Hyung’s mind.

***

His mind muddled from the lack of air. He gasped and twitched as his brain screamed at him to hurt himself more. To get up. Get dressed. Grab the razor in the third drawer, back right corner in Seungmin’s glasses case, and slice open his arms. So he did just that. He quietly walked to the bathroom. Rubbing his arms with his cold hands. He put his phone down and locked the door. What day was it? He hummed as he checked. His mind scrambling but was completely calm. He shakily grabbed the razor and sat down on the floor. Without thinking…he just dug the tip of the blade into his arm. He knew exactly where the arteries were. He’s researched countless times. He melted with a shudder. His subdrops left him so emotionless sometimes. He barely felt the pain. Didn’t register his cries. 

***

After several minutes, he gasped softly at the blood still dripping onto the tile. That’s not good, is it…? No not really…he didn't want to die just yet. Well… No…He shouldn't leave his members, his friends…well maybe friends behind like that…that would damage the group. His mind lazily made up as he fought the fuzziness. He reached for his phone; ripping the cut more, more blood pouring out…   “Minnie?”   Seungmin stilled…when did he even call him…   “N-Nevermind Sir…sorry.”   He bit his lip and hung up. Minho’s voice filled him with utter fear. He started shivering and teeth chattering as he sucked breaths in. Was he going to die finally? He wished his mind would clear…subdrop was never fun…he chuckled to himself; that was the point... He jumped at a knock,   “Seungminnie let hyung in?”   Minho asked softly. No no no he doesn't want to be used again. Not right now. If he’s quiet maybe he’ll go away? He shuddered and whined at anything knock,   “I need to make sure you’re alright Minnie.”   Oh, he’s making him mad…No, nothing good happens when he lets Minho be alone with him… Oh…but maybe he’ll like what Seungmin did…make him happy…black dots filled his vision as he slowly reached up and flipped the lock. Minho came in and hit him softly with the door, closing it and gasping.   “Sorry Sir…I’m still…a me..ss.”   He flinched as Minho cupped his face and arm.   “Seungmin…wha-”   “Good toy?”   Seungmin didn't dare look at Minho…that was a set rule,   “Seungmin stop, breathe, you aren't a toy, fuck…fuck you’re bleeding too much…”   Seungmin whimpered as Minho yelled for Chan hyung,   “Shh…not supposed to know…”   Seungmin whispered, he gulped and choked on bile. His stomach sizzled with anxiety and fear.   “Seungmin stop. We aren't in a scene right now…why’d you hurt yourself hmm? What happened Minnie?”   Seungmin hummed and slumped as he felt his heart slow down,   “Needed more…but don’t wanna be…he…re.”   Seungmin slurred, faintly hearing Chan saying something,   “Seungmin no no…you need to stay with me baby, stay awake.”   Minho begged. Seungmin didn't like this… didn't like being treated normally…But he did like the hollowness in his chest…he really loved the anxiety fade into a sense of calmness, he hasn't felt this stable in so long...made him want to curl up with Lixie and sleep for weeks...forever if possible…Oh, he loved the thought of never breathing again…he serviced Minho well…he hoped.

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Minho froze as Jisung, tears streaming, stormed out…He fucked up. Again. He and Jisung have been getting into petty arguments…usually prompted because Minho was never much of a talker…Jisung knew that though, they've known each other for years… Work has been stressing them the hell out though…mixed with distractions… Minho huffed and packed his bag and semi-stormed out of the practice room. 

When he opened his and Seungmin's room, he saw Seungmin reading in his bed,   "Why are you in my bed?"   Seungmin blinked up at him with a small smirk,   "Jeez hyung, I'm cleaning my sheets."   Minho hummed and stripped, not really caring about the other in the room.

He sat on the other side of the bed and closed his eyes, he could sense…Seungmin's off mood though. Ripping at his nails as he read slower than usual,   "Do you think I'm an asshole?"   Minho asked, looking at Seungmin, taking in his dark circles and the small bite mark on his hand.

Seungmin tilted his head,   "Yeah, just a little bit."   Minho cocked an eyebrow.   "I can only jerk out so much anger you know."   Minho said with a teasing grin. Seungmin hummed,   "What Sungie won't let you fuck him or something?"    Well, that was direct…   "No, he's been busy."   Seungmin nodded, still looking at him,   "That's a shame. Maybe invest in a toy."   Minho hummed and tilted his head…he shouldn't act upon this…He has…thought about this for far too long…after one night when he and Seungmin slept in the same bed because of the youngers nightmare…waking up hard and leaking…using Seungmin's hard to wake self.   "Like you Minnie?"   Minho asked in a lower tone.  Watching Seungmin's eyes scramble slightly, curling into himself. Minho's shorts tightened at Seungmin's innocent eyes. Minho reached over and closed the book in Seungmin's hand. Seungmin went to say something but Minho tugged on his leg. Seungmin was light so he had no issues pulling him closer,   "Surely you'd help hyung huh?"

Seungmin squeaked when he tried to talk. Minho say the slight panic, and he should've…stopped. But he didn't. He moved Seungmin until he was straddling him, pulling his hips down onto his own. Groaning, and slipping his hands up under Seungmin's shirt,   "Come on..take the edge off with me hmm?"   Seungmin let out a stuttering breath, shaking hands pushing Minho's chest away,   "N- What about Jisung? T-This isn't r-"   Minho huffed and pulled him into a kiss. Firmly holding him so he couldn't squirm away. He pushed and pulled Seungmin's body, grinding up, smirking against his lips as he felt Seungmin harden. Seungmin whined and pulled away,   "Hyun-"   Minho covered his mouth,  "Toys don't talk pup"   A tear slipped and hit his hand as he flipped them over and laid Seungmin on his back. He caged his body in his arms and ground harder against him. He rolled his hips down into warmth pooled, cumming in his pants when Seungmin's face scrunched and he whimpered out a moan. 

Minho caught his breath,   "Good boy Minnie…how about we keep quiet about this hmm?"   Seungmin looked up at him with tears dripping and nodded,   "I-I won't hyung…"

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Jisung was giving him the silent treatment and was in the studio working all night, canceling their anime-watching night…and fuck was he horny…Jeongin and Felix were actually out…at a gaming cafe or whatever they called it… and 3racha were working way too hard and late with Hyunjin on some demos…he packed his duffel bag and patted his sweat. Closing the practice studio door. Seungmin hadn't been acting himself…maybe something was bothering him…this change was before their… impromptu grinding. 

"Minnie I'm home."   He announced in a lower voice. He threw his bag and toed off his shoes. He sighed and progressed into the dark apartment.   "Minnie?"   He heard soft sniffling from their bedroom. He peeked his head in and sucked a breath in, Seungmin was on the floor in the crack his bed and dresser made, he was sobbing softly and was biting his hand and holding a lighter to his inner thigh.   "Seungmin…wh-"   Seungmin jolted at him talking, gasping, and pulling his pants back up.   "H-Hyung…I didn't know you were getting home..so soon."   Seungmin gasped out and roughly wiped his tears.   "S-Seungmin…what…were you doing?"   Seungmin shook his head and leaned on his dresser to put the lighter down without him seeing…but he heard it clunk.   "Baby you can't be hurting yourself…how long has this been going on?"   Minho asked softly, walking closer, Seungmin flinched back,   "I….I know."   Minho kept pressing closer, only gripping his arm harder as Seungmin flinched,   "Come on…talk to me Minnie…"   Seungmin only shook his head,   "I-I’m okay hyung…please please don't tell anybody…please."   Minho stilled as his cock throbbed at Seungmin's begging eyes, he hummed,   "You don't want me to tell Chan hyung?"   He basked in how Seungmin whined, more tears coming out,   "No please hyung…"   Minho softly rubbed his cheek,   "Are you willing to pay that kinda price though Minnie?"   Minho tried waiting patiently for his answer, but all Seungmin did was bite his lip and push into the wall more. Minho wrapped his other arm around his waist, pulling him slowly to the bed,   "We can de-stress together…maybe give you some of that pain you need? Whatdya say Minnie?"   Minho felt the tremors where he was holding him, making him sit down on the low bed,   "H-Hyung…this isn't right…Jisung…and-"   Minho huffed and lightly gripped his hair,   "Want me to tell Chan? Then the company…you know how they get with self harm…then the ther-"   Seungmin's frantic hands flew to Minho's hips,   "No! Please…f-fine..okay."   Minho smiled sweetly down at him,   "Good puppy…open wide hmm?" 

He groaned as Seungmin's throat convulsed around him again.   "Fuck…we're gonna need to train you huh?"   He chuckled as Seungmin tried pushing his hips away,   "Just breathe through it…be a good puppy for me."

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"Min Hyung…I think we should break up…"   Jisung whispered as they stood in the hallway of the dorm. Minho blinked…blinked again because what the fuck…? He literally just woke up…   "Hannie…what are you talking about darling?"   Jisung sighed and hugged himself,   "I…did some thinking…bab-Minho hyung we've drifted…and we fight…all of the fucking time…I think we should focus on the group, or music..or job…"   Jisung let out a shaky breath,   “I’m sorry Min…please… let's just go back to being friends hmm?”   Minho stayed frozen. Barely able to fill his lungs.   “Seems you’ve already decided on your own Jisung.”   Minho high-tailed it back to his and Seungmin’s room, where the younger was sleeping in. Only 3racha had a schedule for a small meeting today. While the other three woke up much later, Minho knew Hyunjin slept with Felix anyway, so no one was on either side of their room. He slammed his door and that made Seungmin gasp awake.   “H-Hyung? Are you okay?”   “No, I’m not.”   Minho huffed and leaned on the door, closing his eyes and listening to the front door open and close, frustrated tears made their way down his cheek. Seungmin yawned softly and tumbled out of bed to him,   “You’re okay hyung…Do you need to talk about it?”   Minho’s devastation hit him, morphing into anger. His heart literally crackling…Jisung was his soulmate… How did he fuck up this bad…   “No talking.”   Minho stood up and lugged Seungmin to his bed, throwing him on his stomach.   “Lay there and shut up.”   Minho ripped his sleep pants down and Seungmin curled into himself,   “H-Hyung please wa-wait…”   Minho let out a gruff and without thinking smacked his ass,   “I said shut the fuck up didn't I?”   He pulled his shorts down haphazardly and spat in his hand. He unfortunately had all of his lube in fucking Jisung’s room. He roughly probed Seungmin, prepping him a little before his cock pulsated at Seungmin’s cries.   “You’re okay slut calm down.”   Minho rubbed his lower back as he pressed into him.   “Fuck…so tight…”   “H-Hyung…N-”   Minho growled and shoved Seungmin’s face into the mattress before pulling out and slamming back into him. Seungmin was a perfect little distraction.

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Minho knows he’s been a nightmare headache to be around…but he fucking misses him…He sighed and leaned his head back as he pushed Seungmin’s head further down. Thankfully he and Seungmin had been able to mess around a lot more. Seungmin gagged for the sixth time and let out a muffled cry, pushing away as much as he could,   “No, stay right fucking there toy, we’re training you slut.”   He rolled his eyes and let Seungmin off as Seungmin kept hitting the bed. Choking and coughing over the edge. He kept gasping and holding his chest, Minho sighed,   “Breathe Pup, you're doing good.”   He softly rubbed his scalp, Seungmin sobbed and lightly gripped Minho’s thigh.   “Pup you’re okay.”   Minho was growing slightly concerned but as he sat up to comfort him, Seungmin nodded smally and wrapped his lips around his tip again. His crying sent waves of pleasure…   “There you go slut…just like that.” 

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They built a routine. Minho would have a shit day, or anything really, and Seungmin never denied him. They would have fun doing whatever and then Minho would leave, usually to an underground nightclub only a few miles away. He tried staying away from any hard drugs, normally just going there to get drunk with his small group of friends. Seungmin was…fine. Seungmin hasn't really been that social, typically in his room, and when filming, he’s been closed off. He seemed better compared to a few months ago when this all started. And God was he perfect to play with… But also, Minho wasn't paying much attention… his eyes only drifted to Jisung…his smile…his laugh…Once this blows over he hopes they can be friends again… He snapped out of it at a whine.   “S-Sir please…”   Minho blinked at a trembling Seungmin on the floor. He had pushed a vibrator into his unprepped hole, turning it on high.   “Get over here.”   He untucked his cock and gripped his hair as he perfectly followed every order.

Minho put some clothes on, smoothing down his hair before unfortunately going back to the real world, listening to Seungmin's slight heavy breathing and sniffles,   "Alright, if anyone asks, I was with you at the company okay?"   He spritzed his pink pepper cologne,   "s-sir?"   He hummed and glanced at a still-naked Seungmin curled into a ball,   "W-Where do you…go?"   Minho furrowed his eyebrows,   "And what makes you think toys are allowed to ask questions like that?"   Minho saw the panic in his eyes and chuckled,   "I- I'm sorry I was just w-worried about you.."   Minho nodded, putting his phone back down and reaching into the bed. Pulling Seungmin's leg. Hearing him squeak and whimper as Minho slapped his lower back. He went pliant and Minho moved him into his lap, on his stomach and pulling his hips in the air.   "I'll remind you of your place my little toy."   Seungmin yelped at a hard smack on his ass.   "S-Sir wait- I'm sor-"   He gasped as his body lurched, Minho hummed and spanked him again. And again and again. Not bothering in steadying him as he fell to the floor and was on his arms to stay up. With the twentieth slap he stopped, his skin was already purple, he was crying out too loud so he shoved his boxers in his mouth halfway through. He pushed him off to the floor and adjusted his pants,   "Fucking got me hard again…"   he went to pick him back up but stilled as Seungmin whimpered and covered his head. Mumbling something behind the cloth in his mouth. His stomach soured at the sight…fuck maybe he went a little too hard…Seungmin curled impossibly tight, tucking his knees into his chest and his face pressed into the gap. He felt his stomach drop, he went to talk but blanked. So he left. Grabbing his phone and shoes quietly, needing to get away from Seungmin's sobs… Fuck he needs a drink.

Slipping back into the dorm was hard when he felt so bubbly. He giggled softly and held a thumbs up to his friend who walked him home. Honestly, the lying was easy. When they are all so busy, and Seungmin's late night lessons, he always changed his clothes from his clear party outfit, to his regular practice clothes. He stumbled to his room, seeing Seungmin still awake, staring listlessly, his book abandoned sat by his hands. Mm, he looks cute…puffy eyes…   "Hey Minnie."   He frowned as Seungmin flinched and looked at his chest,   "Hey hyung."   Minho stripped out of his shirt and got closer but Seungmin yanked his blanket over him,   "Please don't…"   Minho froze at his whisper,   "You don't wanna cuddle Minnie?"   Minho pouted and flopped at Seungmin's feet.   "J-Just cuddle?"   Minho hummed and clambered, falling onto Seungmin. Seungmin stiffened but pulled the blanket to cover both of them. Minho snuggled down, pulling him into his chest. Seungmin eventually relaxed and put his head down on the pillow. Minho blinked at his bruised neck, he pushed up until his lips grazed Seungmin's soft skin, peppering kisses that turned into biting down.   “Hyung…stop, go to sleep….you must be tired.”   Minho grumbled back and fully bit his neck. Seungmin gasped and pulled away but Minho kept a firm grip.   “Don’t tell me what to do toy.”   Seungmin only whimpered and stayed tense until Minho fell asleep.

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“Hey hyungie.”   Jisung greeted cheerfully, plopping next to him on the couch,   “Hey Jisung.”   Jisung wiggled into his side,   “Come on hyung…no need to be formal.”   Jisung smiled and shoved himself under his arm as he read,   “I’m napping.”   Minho chuckled and nodded, playing with his hair. Fuck he misses this… Jisung has finally started talking to him again. Flowing back into their regular antics…Minho needed to make sure his temper didn't ruin this…He just needs to make sure he de-stresses when he needs to.

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“Fuck…thats it baby…”   Minho moaned as Seungmin rocked on top of him, he had his hand tight around his neck, only hearing squeaks and half-whimpers. He groaned as his phone rang, seeing it was his manager probably to talk about his solo schedule… he’d already commanded Seungmin to stay quiet and not cum.   “Not a sound and don't stop toy.”   Seungmin looked at him with tear-filled puppy eyes and nodded, biting his lip and shuddering as Minho rolled his hips.   “Hello Manager-nim.”   Minho brought his hand up and harshly squeezed a chunk of Seungmin’s chest, watching his skin turn red, fuck he was clenching around him perfectly, he moved down, scraping his nails down his torso, watching the micro cuts and blood beading up. He stilled his hips and roughly pushed Seungmin down so his back was flush with the bed. Seungmin gasped slightly as his cock fucked deeper in him before they both stilled. Minho muted himself as his manager talked about his next two weeks of things,   “Don’t move toy, if you make a noise I'm gagging you slut.”   Seungmin went pliant, not even sniffling anymore.

Minho unmuted and ignored him, occasionally thrusting up and digging his thumbnail into Seungmin’s thigh.   “Mm….I’d rather not miss dance practice that day…we’re learning something new.”   He looked down and thrusted harder, softly sighing, Seungmin was biting his lip and clenching his fist. Eyes trained on the ceiling. The call dragged on for too long and he finally hung up, tossing his phone to the side making Seungmin flinch. Then he noticed it. He was biting his lip so hard he saw blood. He wasn't…breathing normally, he wasn't making a sound. He rubbed his lower stomach,   “Puppy? Breathe baby, I’m off the phone.”   Seungmin let out a soft whimper and twitched, his breathing stuttered at a concerning level. His eyes slipped shut as Minho moved to hover over him,   “Puppy…let me hear those pretty sounds hmm?”   Minho tried again, thrusting a bit faster. Small puffs of air were being pushed out, but nothing. His eyebrows stayed furrowed and he wasn't inhaling. Minho scooped him up and huffed as he sat back onto the headboard, cupping his cheeks,   “Seungmin, I want my noisy toy back.”   Seungmin’s eyes shot open and he blinked rapidly. Maybe the call while doing this was too much for him… Seungmin tried making soft noises, coming out as broken stutters as he rolled his hips sloppily. Minho sighed and gripped his ass, lifting up on his feet and pounding into him. Finally hearing his moans and whines. After he was done he tossed Seungmin onto the end of the bed. Grabbing his phone as the fifth text came through, something about rescheduling practice from a recording...   “Okay, I have to go practice for something in like an hour. I might see you later.”   And he left, knowing he might get lucky and get to stop by the studio to see Jisung.

Minho walked back into the dorm with a sigh, stretching his arms out and stilling at the almost sleeping pair on the couch. Felix was asleep and Chan almost falling asleep, but was trying to keep working. He quietly walked by them and gave a smile to Chan before going into his room. He stilled at the still crumpled body on the bed. He was motionless, bare, shivering, and softly breathing,   “Minnie? You… haven't moved?”   He sat down, ignoring the flinch, and rubbed his purple hips. He did see earlier that he texted in the group chat he was sick so no one would bother them…maybe he wasn't lying…   “ ‘m just tired hyung.”  Seungmin sighed and rubbed his nose, Minho hummed and nodded,   “How tired?”   He watched as Seungmin’s eyes met his, something that hadn't happened in a while… and the light dimmed slightly. He scooped him up and fucked him in the shower. Easily holding his limp body up,   “Perfect little cocksleeve….fuck.”   After, they cleaned up he went to help put his clothes on but perked at the sound of Jisung laughing down the hall. He patted Seungmin’s head and left him to go sleep with Jisung.   “Hyungie! Cuddles!”   Jisung giggled out,   “He’s had too much to drink…”   Changbin chuckled and huffed as he laid down. Minho smiled and slotted behind him, ignoring the fleeting thought of how Seungmin looked paler, and have his ribs always jut out like tha-   “Hyung, blanket…”   Minho laughed at Jisung’s pout and pulled the extra blanket over them. Kissing his forehead before falling asleep. 

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

“Seungmin we need to talk about safewords.”   Minho suddenly said once they were alone in the dance studio. He watched Seungmin drop his capped water bottle and scramble to pick it up,   “o...kay.”   Minho sighed and rested his body on the cool mirror,   “I know you like saying stop and things. So we need actual words.”   Seungmin blinked at him...then blinked again and nodded,   “How about…lily?”   “Lily?”   Seungmin confirmed with a small nod. Minho hummed,   “Sounds good, hope we never have to use it.”   He huffed out and stood up, tossing his water body in his bag, and held his hands out for Seungmin to grab, which he did. Flinching so slightly. He dragged him to the bathrooms connected to the studio and roughly fucked his throat, apologizing with a chuckle when he remembered Seungmin had a vocal lesson in literally five minutes, Seungmin shakily stood up and gripped the sink,   “It’s…o-okay Sir…have a good lunch.”   Minho nodded, too caught up in the thought of having lunch with Jisung and Felix to see Seungmin lag behind when picking up his bag. Leaving the practice room without glancing back.

"God Seungmin's being a dick."   Hyunjin sighed as he sat down at their table, Minho quirked an eyebrow, leaning on Jisung's shoulder more,   "He is? What happened?"   Hyunjin shook his head, letting Felix feed him a rice cake,   "Okay…maybe not a dick…but I found him…passed out in the practice room, I already told Chan so don't worry he's going home but…he pushed me away when I tried helping…but I don't know…he must have fallen…something, he yelped when I touched him."   Minho's stomach soured,   "He…yelped? When even was the last time we all saw him outside of practice?"   Felix asked, pursing his lips,   "Do you…think he's relapsed again?"   Jisung asked quietly, Minho cocked his head, relapsed?   "Fuck…I hope not…I'll get Chan to talk to him…I don't want him falling that hard again…"   what the hell were they talking about…he didn't know…Seungmin's ever struggled…so was his self-harm…not the first time he's been caught…Maybe he should have told someone…

He cracked the door open to their room and peeked in…Seungmin was pale, staring listlessly at his phone playing a random sports game,   "Minnie?"   Minho stomach was slammed with discomfort as Seungmin flinched, pulling his blanket over him protectively,   "P-Please hyung…I-I really don't feel well."   "Hey hey…woah Minnie…I'm not-"   holy shit. He hasn't normally hung out with him other than…fucking him. Seungmin whimpered,   "No-Fuck sorry I'm sorry, I'm okay if you need anything."   Seungmin huffed and tried sitting up, struggling but taking his bottoms off,   "No! Seungmin no please rest…I'm not here for that…I'm here to check up on you…"   Seungmin gulped,   "Oh…I'm okay, you don't need to worry…just need some sleep…or something."   Minho nodded slowly… clearly that wasn't all; Chan had just talked his ear off about how Seungmin was being defensive, rude, and brushed off Chan's concern…Minho hasn't seen this 'rude' side of Seungmin everyone's been talking about…   "Have you eaten?"   Seungmin nodded, looking away from him.   "Right…Chan already told me you haven't, I'll go make you some Miyeok-guk."   Minho said with a sigh,   "Hyung…I'm okay though…please you don't have to do anything."   Minho just waved him off, and while making the soup he brought him tea.   "I wish you would have told me you weren't feeling well…"   Seungmin tensed up as he reached for the mug.   "I-I’m sorry, I promise it's not…like a contagious thing."   Minho sighed,   "Minnie I'm not worried about that, I wouldn't have made you do stuff after practice, I would've brought you home…"   Seungmin blinked at him,   "Hyung I'm fine…it's okay"   Minho hummed, he was getting nowhere…

He brought him soup and just laid with him,   "Are you relapsing?"   Minho suddenly asked, rubbing circles on Seungmin's stomach, he felt Seungmin's stomach clench,   "No"   "You haven't hurt yourself?"   A beat passed and Seungmin still was silent,   "Minnie…"   "It was small. I'm fine."   Minho sat up,   "Baby…am I not…helping?"   Seungmin looked up at him with a blank face,   "Not really…no"   Minho squinted,   "Am I not rough enough?"   Seungmin never answered him, and Minho assumed that meant yes…clearly he needed a form of controlled pain.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

It started with tying him up.   "S-Sir…I-I don't know about this."   Seungmin said in a small voice, Minho only hummed and tied his right arm to the right bedpost.   "Well, you're gonna take what I give you."   Minho smiled sweetly and left the room to go get his vibrator that was in Jisung’s room still. He came back to a shivering Seungmin, Minho locked the door and stripped,   “So, how many times did you hurt yourself?”   Seungmin jolted,   “Uh..I don't…”   He gasped when Minho slapped him,   “Don’t say you don’t know toy.”   Minho reached under the bed for a dildo, Seungmin blinked at it and coiled into himself,   “F-Five times…”   Minho tsked and shook his head,   “Stupid fucking dog..”   He dribbled lube onto the dildo, and pried Seungmin’s leg down and pushed the tip in. Seungmin gasped and bit down on his tongue, knowing Jeongin was in his room,   “H-Hyun-”   Minho reached over and covered his mouth as he let out a small scream when Minho shoved the dildo all of the way in.   “It’s Sir slut.”   he roughly pushed Seungmin’s head to the side and grabbed the vibrator, flipping it on medium and pressing it onto Seungmin soft cock, Seungmin jolted and made the bed squeak,   “P-Please Sir…Please please oh…god”   Minho watched with amusement as Seungmin bit his lip and started lightly crying, smirking as he hardened. He moved down and started thrusting the dildo in and out.   “What was that toy? Looks like you're enjoying it.”   Minho chuckled as he turned up the vibrator and Seungmin writhed and whimpered.   “H-Hurts…please lower please Sir.”   Minho hummed and rubbed the vibrator around in circles,   “It hurts?”   Minho asked with a fake pout, Seungmin whimpered and nodded,   “Hmm…maybe this will help you re-think hurting yourself toy- this isn't stopping till you cum five times.”   Seungmin cried too loud and Minho gagged him.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho stopped in his tracks at the sound of Chan and Changbin talking in their room, he was going to ask him a question but…   “Seungminnie yelled at you?”   Changbin asked, he heard a sigh,   “Yeah…he just snapped at me…he’s been arguing with everyone for months…Manager-nim talked to him and he made sure he wasn’t relapsing…so I don’t know…”   Chan groaned and continued,   “It doesn't even seem he wants to hang out with anyone…I hate forcing him to do stuff…and clearly, us being nice and trying to…I don't know help him? Isn't working…”   Changbin hummed,   “Yeah…maybe he’s just going through it right now and wants space…”   Minho furrowed his eyebrows, why does it feel like he doesn't know anything about what's actually going on…   “Maybe ask Minho hyung? They cuddle every night almost…”   “Used to, now that Minsung is back on I’m worried Minnie doesn't have anyone… I’ll ask him though.”   Minho froze as he heard movement, he stayed hunched and scooted all of the way back into the living, diving and sitting on the couch. He whipped out his phone and pretended to scroll.

“Oh Min, you’re awake…can I ask you something?”   Chan started, Minho nodded and patted the couch cushion. Chan huffed and sat down,   “Minnie’s here?”   Minho nodded,   “He’s been sleeping.”   Chan sighed and nodded,   “That’s good…has he talked to you?”   Minho pursed his lips,   “No? Not really.”   Chan sighed and Minho hummed,   “We haven't really talked though…he kinda stopped…like he's been avoiding me…”   Chan sighed heavier this time,   “Fuck…okay…I don’t know what to do…He used to not be so..”   “Closed off?”   Minho asked, Chan shrugged,   “That, and just impolite? He yelled at Jeongin yesterday because…”   Chan held his tongue as Seungmin huffed from the hallway and looked into his bag as he walked past them. Minho noticed the limp turning into a regular-ish walk when Seungmin saw them.   “Sorry didn't mean to interrupt.”   Seungmin said and slipped on his shoes and slammed the door.   “Hmm…rude indeed.”   Minho said, looking away from the front door. Chan hummed and leaned back.   “Yeah…” 

Minho was confused…Seungmin has been the same…well not really, but he hasn't really been that different…but he noticed Seungmin pull away from hanging out with them. No more Seungmin giggling at dinners, making sarcastic comments on movie night. He pushes Felix off when he asks for hugs. Sighs and just takes the meaner jokes he usually fought back and laughed at…Surely he was just going through a small rut…Minho sighed, he could hardly pay attention to him when Jisung was kissing down his torso.   “Hyung you seem stressed?”   Minho hummed and patted Jisung's head, rubbing his scalp,   “I am… MCing has been stressful to record.”   Jisung pouted and pulled his shorts down,   “Poor baby…”   Minho moaned softly as Jisung sank down on his length, making any of his fleeting thoughts about Seungmin fly away.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho rolled his eyes and threw his phone, Jisung was being incredibly hot and cold…he wanted to casually hang out but Jisung said   ‘no dates until we are both ready’   He just misses hanging out with him outside of the dorm…He looked up as Seungmin shuffled through the door and put his bag down leaning to grab clothes.   “Seungmin.”   Seungmin jumped,   “Oh S-Hyung, hi, I didn’t know you were home.”   Minho hummed,   “You gonna shower?”   He ignored how Seungmin hesitated and took a step away, he nodded and flinched when Minho stood up,   “Let’s go toy.”   He pushed Seungmin into the bathroom and pulled his clothes off,   “S-Sir s-slow down please…”   Minho sighed and pushed Seungmin into the wall.   “Fine, you have a minute to get undressed and in the shower.”   Seungmin blinked at him and undressed shakily, light stuttering breaths huffing out as he stepped into the cold shower. Minho sucked his teeth at the obvious burn mark on his inner thigh,   “Toy what did I say would happen if you hurt yourself again?”   Seungmin froze,   “I-It was just once, I’m sorry-I couldn't breath.”  Seungmin's voice died off near the end of his sentence. Minho rolled his eyes,   “Mm, how about I show you some real pain, maybe that'll help?”   Minho shuffled through the top drawer for a new razor, getting tweezers and easily picking it apart, throwing the razor in his clothes to throw out later, Seungmin stayed under the cold water and leaned against the wall as Minho slipped in,   “How about a little knife play pup?” 

Minho went a little overboard, he was still just so…fucking annoyed that Jisung just won't see that they still had chemistry…Seungmin gasped and banged his head on the shower wall again. Minho let him, no one was supposed to be here for about two hours. He did notice how easy Seungmin was to hold up though…he held Seungmin up, with his back against the wall, Seungmin’s legs wrapped around his waist while Minho grasped his hips, using the other hand to slide the blade down his chest. He rolled his hips into him as he turned slightly, carving his initials into his thighs   “Pretty…”   Seungmin cried out on the last swipes and gripped Minho’s shoulders harder, his body hunching over as he writhed,   “p-no more please please…”   Minho only hummed and put the blade down, holding him in both arms and pounding into him,   “Feel better slut? Still wanna be bad and hurt yourself?”   Seungmin pushed him away and cried,   “n-o”   “Good” 

"Be a good boy and keep quiet, if anyone asks I was with you at your lessons tonight got it?"   Minho said, after they were done he looked at his phone, seeing a text from Jisung, talking about how they were being too ‘clingy again’ whatever the fuck that meant…He needed a fucking drink…he was going to keep going with Seungmin but he seemed sleepy, kind of hazy…   “Course Hyung…”   Minho didn't spare his dilated eyes another glance and left. 

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Whatever space he was giving Jisung must have worked…they were currently on a cafe date, and then they were heading home to just watch anime they were behind in.   “Do I want…a cheesecake…or a muffin.”   Jisung pondered and tugged on Minho’s sweater, Minho giggled and stepped forward, careful not to hug him…already feeling a pair of eyes on them,   “You get the cheesecake and I'll get the muffin, so you can have both.”   He giggled when Jisung’s eyes lit up, he paid for their pastries and drinks and held the door for him.

They both stilled when taking off their shoes. Hearing yelling coming from the kitchen.   “Seungmin you know this was supposed to be a group day off. We’ve been working non-stop for months.”   Chan said more calmly than his last statement.   “Yes but what the hell was I supposed to do? Say no? That never works.”   Seungmin yelled and huffed, presumably to leave but they were in his way. Minho watched Seungmin's eyes fill with a small amount of tears and his eyes dilated. Seungmin shook his head and walked past them, squeaking when Minho grabbed his hand,   “Woah Minnie, it’s okay, where are you going?”   He tried but Seungmin tripped to put his shoes on, trembling in his grip,   “work”   “But Minnie, you’ve been working so much, can this not wait? Is it something that needs to be filmed today?”   Seungmin tugged his arm gently from Minho, ignoring Jisung's question,   “Please let go hyung.”   Minho’s heart broke at his small voice, he let him go and Seungmin grabbed his keys,   “I’ll text you..”   And he was gone.   “It’s something he pushed to today, it could have waited…I have no idea why the managers even let it happen…”   Chan huffed and roughly carded through his hair,   “But…I’ll talk to him…”   Chan sighed and went back to the kitchen, Jisung sighed,   “I don’t like how he was acting…He looked scared.”   Minho’s stomach twisted,   “He did…”   Surely not of him…right…

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho groaned,   "Jisungie…I'm not trying your argue with you…I'm sorry baby come here."   Jisung sniffled and shoved himself into Minho's chest,   "I'm sorry darling, I was filming with stupid people…"   Minho caressed his back and kissed his head, Jisung wetly chuckled,   "I understand hyung…sorry I'm feeling sensitive today…."   Minho hummed and squeezed him,   "My Jisungies always sensitive"   Minho chuckled when Jisung lightly hit his arm. Minho sighed and waddled back onto the couch, both huffing as he sat down and Jisung cuddled down into him, Minho hummed, they've been officially trying to work on their relationship for two weeks now…it's been about four-ish months…and now that this comeback was coming to an end, they've had a lot more time off. He…should end this whole friends-with-benefits thing with Seungmin soon…he…feels terrible for essentially cheating. Even though he and Jisung weren't official now and were breaking it off in the beginning….but man does Seungmin really take his anger away…

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho had an hour, an hour to cool down from his horrible fucking day before the others get home. He knew Seungmin was home, he was forced to have a day off while half did a sub-unit photoshoot and the other half just practiced, now Jeongin and Felix were out at vocal lessons then their dinner or whatever, 3racha were at the shoot, and Hyunjin wanted one extra hour of dancing, which meant like two hours. It was movie night with he and Jisung and he was not going to ruin it with his shit temper.

He went to open his door and paused at Seungmin talking on the phone, he was too pissed and knows he'd make too much noise if he went in there now…   "I know Mom, I'm resting…you don't have to worry…..Yes but oh! Tell um…tell Dad I love him, and I love you too…"   Minho furrowed his eyebrows, he didn't like Seungmin's somber tone… Seungmin softly giggled,   "Mhm, bye Mom…"   and with that, Minho opened the door as Seungmin hung up looking startled.   "Hey toy"   Seungmin still hadn't breathed out, shrinking into himself and stuttering,   "Min hyung yo-"   Minho tsked and walked to his bed in three steps and pulled Seungmin's blankets,   "It's Sir to dumb toys like you."   Minho easily pushed and pulled Seungmin, and manhandled him down onto his back, head hanging over the side of the bed. Seungmin huffed and lightly hit Minho's hands and tried pushing him away, without thinking he slapped him, hard. Seungmin sucked a sharp breath in and stared up at him,   "Stop fucking moving so much pup"   Minho sighed and shucked his pants down. Hissing as he cock sprung out. He didn't wait, he just slapped Seungmin's lips and pressed in, holding Seungmin's arms down as he choked around him. He pressed closer so his head couldn't move and thrusted deep, listening to his throat squeaking. He moaned and watched Seungmin's hips raise and he thrashed trying to move away. Minho pulled away and Seungmin turned to choke for air, a dollop of spit dripping down, Minho mindlessly kicked a towel under his head and pushed Seungmin back down, Seungmin held his hips,   "W-wait…"   Minho glared down at him, leaning and grabbing a fist full of hair and spat in his mouth,   "Ten seconds…"   Seungmin whined and caught his breath.

Minho slowed down and picked him up and flipped him, Seungmin's breathing was too erratic, he was softly coughing non-stop. He rubbed his thighs and pulled Seungmin closer by his hips.   "Baby look at me and breathe"   Seungmin didn't look at him, only stared off to the ceiling and held his chest.   " 'm sorry sir…I'm sorry"   Minho shushed him and leaned down to kiss his red cheek,   "It's okay baby, deep breaths for me."   Minho massaged his hips until he heard his phone ding and just had to look over, reading the top text on the screen. He scoffed and picked up his phone, his Manager getting onto him for all of the 'dates' he and Jisung have been caught having, so fucking- he threw his phone on the other bed and started taking his clothes off and yanking Seungmin's pants down, now ignoring the small yelp and hands on his shoulders pushing him off. He flipped him onto his stomach and reached for the rope he had under the bed. Huffing while tying his arms tightly,   "The fucking company has some nerve…those people shouldn't even be taking our pictures."   He snatched the lube up and dribbled it onto Seungmin and shoved two fingers in, ignoring his pleas, again. He took no time and thrusted into him, only feeling the anger build.

He pushed himself up after he came and pulled out.   "Turn over slut"   he grumbled and pulled the small box out from under the bed, humming and reaching for the new red jeweled dagger he'd bought for this, it was duller. He watched and huffed out a laugh as Seungmin weakly lifted to his knees and whimpered as he turned himself over,   "Took you long enough"   Minho mocked and pushed one of Seungmin's legs down to widen his legs, setting the dagger down on his stomach and pumping his own cock until he was hard again. He shoved himself in and basked in Seungmin’s scream and whines, he slowly thrusted and dragged the dagger down his torso, wary of the filming tomorrow. He moaned and placed the dagger down again, pulling one of his legs up, biting down on his inner thigh, getting a small moan out of Seungmin. He pounded into him harder at the noise and leaned, leaving red, bleeding marks on his stomach and chest. Minho kept going, drilling into him,   "H-Hyun-g p-please no m-ore…"     Minho let out a deep chuckle, gripping his sides, going even faster. Leaning to grab the dagger and dragging it harshly down his chest next to the other line,   "Be a good toy and take it ."   He rolled his eyes as Seungmin tensed around him. Nothing but sobs falling out of him. He kept his brutal pace until his hips stuttered, moaning and he snapped his hips with a sigh, feeling his anger simmer away.

He jerked Seungmin up and held him on his chest…hating how light he kept getting…he pulled at the rope and untied him, dropping it back into the box, he let go of him and blinked as Seungmin just… honestly lifelessly flopped back down. Only now seeing his weeping cock soften, it was rare for Seungmin to cum…and frankly, Minho wasn't really thinking about hitting his prostate…but he was just staring up at the ceiling. Like he was just doused in cold water Minho took in the sight, blood smeared over his prominent ribs, his own hands were resting on his jutted-out hip bones…He pulled out and gently moved Seungmin up further on the bed, he touched his cheek and Seungmin flinched away from him…   "Minnie?"   he watched Seungmin’s jaw tighten as he gulped,   "Sir?"   "No no, just hyung, are you okay?"   Fuck he sounded so far away…He sighed at Seungmin’s whine, placing his hand on his chest as his breathing picked up. Seungmin was…making a whimpering…wheezing noise,   "Woah Minnie breath…can you look at me?"   He watched him struggle, his eyes scrambling,   “I’m okay.”   Seungmin physically looked sick… He could see him biting his lip and the inside of his cheek..   “Minnie…what’s wrong hmm?”   a long minute stretched by, Minho heard someone open the front door…he needed to get them decent…   “N-”   Seungmin choked and gulped again, Minho moved and cupped his face, wincing as he literally curled away from him…   "want to be alone…my routine."   Right…he assumed Seungmin liked alone time after this…but he was so worried…then again, more people filed into the dorm as they spoke so…   "Okay Minnie, just breathe…please call me if you need me back in here hmm?"   Seungmin gave a meek noise and laid boneless. Minho sighed and grabbed a towel to clean himself up, pulling new clothes on and cleaning the lube bottle and dagger up. Sparing him another glance before grabbing his phone, shutting the door. 

He made his way to the bathroom and hissed at the blood on his cheek, wiping it off and perking when Felix called him over.   “Hyungie, do you want ramen?”   Minho chuckled,   “No Boki, I’ll cook you guys some actual food.”   Felix tiny clapped,   “Thanks hyung!”   was all he got as Felix ran away, probably to finally use his new keyboard, Minho sighed and tried to let cooking distract him.   “Oh smells good Min…”   Chan mumbled as he sat at the dining table with his laptop.   “Mm…”   “What’s wrong…”   Chan asked, tilting his head,   “You love overexplaining food.”   Minho squinted at him,   “Fuck off, but…I’m just worried about Minnie…”   “Yeah? I can try talking to him?”   Minho shook his head and added noodles to the broth,   “No..I think I’ll try talking to him…and yes I’ll report back to you.”   Minho finished as Chan quirked an eyebrow. He glanced at the hall and let out a heavy sigh, but quickly melted as Jisung wrapped around his waist,   “I’ve missed you…”   Minho hummed, Jisung kissed his neck and jaw,   “Missed you too hyungie.” 

“Seungmin’s been hogging the bathroom for a while”   Changbin huffed and took his bowl from Minho’s hand,   “How…long?”   “Like…twenty minutes…and then Hyunjin’s ass takes an hour-long shower.”   Minho pursed his lips and almost on cue his phone lit up on the counter as he turned from giving Felix his bowl, he quickly answered,   “Minnie?”   Dead air hit his ear,   “N-Nevermind Sir…sorry.”   Minho went to speak but he hung up on him, he shook his head and put down his phone, why..was he.. He lightly knocked on the bathroom door,   “Seungminnie, let hyung in?”   He heard the smallest squeak, and then nothing,   “I need to make sure you’re alright Minnie.”   He heard a hitch of breath and the lock clicked, he felt his chest lighten only for it to squeeze so hard he almost collapsed,   “Sorry Sir…I’m still…a me..ss.”   Minho couldn't breathe, he shut the door and cupped his cheek holding his bleeding arm. It was a steady stream of dark red…oozing and pooling on the floor, mudding into a darker mess on Seungmin’s clothes,   “Seungmin…wha-”   “Good toy?”   Minho looked up at him in shock, Seungmin’s eyes hazy and focusing lower, past Minho’s shoulder…God, he never fucking looks at me anymore.   “Seungmin stop, breathe, you aren’t a toy…fuck…fuck you’re bleeding too much..”   Minho looked around for anything to stop the bleeding. Taking in the blade on the floor, Seungmin’s red cheek from him…Fuck…   “CHAN HYUNG”   Minho yelled, his eyes prickling with tears,   “Shh..not supposed to know…”   Seungmin whispered at him…Minho felt like he was going to fucking throw up.   “Seungmin stop…we aren’t in a scene right now.”   Minho fucked up…h-he didn't fucking know Seungmin had a subspace…Minho was well versed in that…Jisung had one and it looked so different from how Seungmin acted…he didn't…   “Why’d you hurt yourself hmm? What h-happened Minnie?”   He bit his lip and reached and yanked a towel down, quickly wrapping it around his arm, Seungmin didn't even react..he only hummed softly and slumped down   “Needed more…but don’t wanna be..he..re”   He slurred out, and before Minho could unpack that, Chan was barging in finally, gasping but wasting no time in yelling for someone to call an ambulance and getting cold water to splash into Seungmin’s face as he visibly faded,   “Seungmin no no…you need to stay with me baby, stay awake.”   Minho tried, putting as much pressure as he could on his arm…watching Seungmin fall more on the wall.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho held Jisung as he cried into his arm,   “Shh baby…the doctor said he’s stable…”   After flatlining three times… Jisung nodded,   “W-We can’t l-lose him…”   “I know darling…I know…he’s gonna make it.”   Hopefully…Minho bit his lip from where he was seated…in the hospital gown…and the god-awful bright lights…Seungmin’s small frame made it easy to see his lost weight. He was apparently severely underweight. Minho knew that though. And chose to ignore it. He heard Chan and Hyunjin in the corner… talking about the bruises, the cuts, the bite marks…the ones Minho caused. Seungmin was scarily good at hiding everything these last few months...but Minho went too far this time. Minho was fucking trapped in his web…horrible lies he's made. Countless lies he forced Seungmin to bear. And the only way out of his Labyrinth was Seungmin dying it seemed. But Minho…didn’t want that…He…was so fucked.

Chapter Text

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ- 

"Minnie baby…wha-t h-happened…I thought we talk…talked about everything."   Hyunjin stuttered out and clutched Seungmin's colder than usual hand, carding through Seungmin's brittle hair. He choked on a sob, the doctor scans his brain activity every day and he's thankfully showing more signs, and according to the doctor, can hear them.   "P-Please come back…we need you puppy."   Hyunjin whispered and laid his head on Seungmin's chest, gasping as he felt a faint squeeze on his hand. He sat up and rubbed over his bruised chest,   "Take your time baby, we're right here waiting."   He said a bit louder and heard the heartbeat monitor pick up as his hand got weakly squeezed again, he jumped as the door opened,   "Minho hyung! M-Minnie…he's squeezing…my hand."   Hyunjin brightened and relayed, Minho smiled and rubbed his back and Seungmin's thigh,   "The doctor estimated today or tomorrow…"   Hyunjin smiled and hummed, faltering as the monitor slowed back down and Seungmin's hand went more limp…

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Felix and Jeongin were mindlessly cleaning up Seungmin's area. It's been a few days and since he was showing signs of waking up…they figured they could do his laundry, get fresh sheets…something to keep them busy. Jeongin huffed and reached under the bed when he saw a few socks rolled under there. His eyebrows furrowed at the weird texture and he pulled. Blinking down at…a rope…with red patches.   "H-Hyung?"   Felix hummed and looked over, freezing as he looked down.   "Fucking hell…"   Jeongin shook out his hand,   "S-Should we tell Chan hyung?"   Felix looked up at him and sighed,   "Maybe…I don't…know…I-I can't tell if this is all just kinky sex or what."   Jeongin cringed,   "Me neither…when did Hyung even have time…"   Felix shrugged and grabbed a sweatshirt, tossing it into the hamper.   "I'm confused and pissed. Some of that shit was old. The doctor said some of those scars with identical and months old. How did Seungmin have a secret part of his life for that long? And why was he deteriorating? And…w-why would he kill hims-elf."   "Tried hyung…he tried, he's still here."   Felix broke down in his hands and Jeongin sighed, huffing to stand up and hugging him,   "Everything will work out…he'll wake up soon and Channie hyung will get some answers out of him…surely…"   Felix thrashed,   "Jeongin we borderline ignored him. When was the last time we hung out with him? Or better yet asked?"   Jeongin blinked…2 months. 2 months since he, Seungmin, and Hyunjin all went out after practice, where Hyunjin poked fun like usual but Seungmin didn't take it well…lightly snapping at them and leaving… Felix hummed,   "Yeah…he doesn't owe us shit right now. We owe him."   Jeongin took a breath and nodded. They resumed cleaning in silence.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Changbin patted off his sweat with his towel and watched Minho box. The loud noise as his fists impacted the bag. Minho seems on edge since he found Seungmin…and Seungmin has yet to wake up. It’s been maybe a full week, and they were hopeful, all while Minho seemed more stressed.   “Min Hyung take it easy… you've been doing that for two hours.”   Minho glared at him and then softened,   “Mm…”   Was all he got as Minho ripped off his gloves and snatched up his towel and bag.   “Let's go get some food Bin.”   Changbin nodded and they left. The colder air making them shudder,   “You okay hyung?”   Minho only nodded,   “Are you sure…?”   Minho looked over at him and shook his head,   “Worried. I have no idea what to do when he wakes up. How to provide and help him…scared to see if he’ll be more distant…”   Changbin slung his arm over Minho’s shoulders as the walked down the street,   “We all are, but we’ll figure this shit out, for Minnie.”   “Yeah…for Minnie…”   Minho mumbled. Changbin took a deep breath,   “I’m pissed though, I know I shouldn't be but…the days leading up…he was so closed off and incorporative…”   Minho hummed,   “Yeah…uh he was…I have no idea why he’d be like that…”   Minho said and pulled out his phone to text Jisung, Changbin nodded and looked forward, catching a glance at Minho’s text messages, seeing ‘toy’ under what he assumes was Seungmin…with the last text reading,   ‘Be ready pup.’   Hmm…weird.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Chan rubbed his temples as their Manager finally shut up. He was helping with insurance and things like that since Seungmin’s parents were a grieving mess. Scarily already planning his funeral- Chan shook his head and stood up, patting his Manager on the back,   “I’m heading to the hospital…we don't have another schedule right?”   He asked and his Manager shook his head,   “No, we moved things back a month…which was so hard…so I’m sorting things out still…just rest okay?”   Chan nodded and grabbed his things, bowing before leaving.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho sighed and rubbed over Seungmin’s knuckles. Everyone was busy today. Perfect for Minho to just…sit here. Talk maybe…but just be alone. He has mixed feelings. He wants to just talk to Seungmin…but he doesn't-he doesn't feel he was in the wrong but maybe others may see it that way…Seungmin may see it…someway. Fuck he doesn't know…He didn't know he had a subspace…how many times has Seungmin slipped and he didn't know? Why didn't Seungmin tell him?…why didn't he tell him no in a conversation?…why…? He groaned,   “Seungmin…you're one selfish asshole you know that? Didn't think this through huh?”   He quirked an eyebrow as the heart rate monitor spiked, and in a split second, Seungmin gasped, ripping his hand away from Minho with a wheeze.   “W-Woah Seungmin baby you’re okay. You’re safe…You’re in the hospital.”   Seungmin’s frantic eyes scoured the room and he weakly thrashed. A raspy noise akin to a yell was emitting from him. Minho reached to pour water into a paper cup,   “Here Minnie, breathe baby…have some water..”   Minho gasped as Seungmin knocked the cup away and froze. Minho froze too,   “Seungmin. Calm down. I’m helping you…you’re safe.”   He reached to pour water again and heard a choked noise and a harsh cough.   “H-hyu…s-so so-sorry.”   Seungmin grated out and Minho frowned,   “It’s okay baby, sip on this…let me lift you up hmm?”   Minho clicked the nurse button and held the cup to Seungmin's dry lips. Seungmin choked when the door opened, the doctor sighing in relief at him being awake,   “Mr. Kim, it’s wonderful to see you awake.”   Minho watched as Seungmin blinked rapidly and slumped into the pillows,   “You don't have to talk yet, I’m going to check your vitals Mr. Kim…Mr. Lee, would you like to explain to him why he’s here?”   Doctor Jeong asked in a calm voice, glancing at Seungmin’s fast heartbeat. Minho nodded and held Seungmin’s hand but Seungmin whimpered and pulled away, frantically looking at them. Minho hummed,   “Minnie it’s okay…you have to breathe…”   “Actually Mr. Lee, can you step out… he's been under for a long time and I need his heart to slow down…”   Minho sighed and nodded, patting Seungmin’s arm and sitting outside.

He crossed his arms and huffed. He frowned and sat down, letting his anger simmer. He misses when Seungmin would crawl into his bed and just lay a foot away to sleep, his soft sniffles from his nightmare and Minho would pull him closer…knowing how much the younger loved cuddles…In no time Doctor Jeong stepped out, he smiled at Minho and looked around,   “His parents still aren't here hmm?”   Minho shook his head and Doctor Jeong looked at his tablet,   “Well what I can tell you; is that his levels are regulated, I’m a bit worried that he isn't talking…flatlining causes damage from the lack of oxygen to the brain so he may need time.”   Minho nodded and stood,   “So…he isn't talking?”   Doctor Jeong hummed,   “One-word answers was all I got, you all talking to him will definitely help. If anything happens please call a nurse…”   Minho nodded and bowed as he walked away. Minho gulped and opened the door. Seungmin instantly whimpered and moved around in the bed. The thin sheet was in array on his small body and Minho sighed.   “Minnie baby…you’re okay…”   Minho walked to his side and noted the blood on the bandage on his arm and his lack of eye contact.   “Here, want more water?”   Seungmin shuddered and his breath came out in puffs, nodding smally and Minho smiled,   “There you go puppy….”   He held the cup and Seungmin took tiny sips. When he was done Minho put it down and moved the pull the blanket back up but Seungmin jolted,   “n-no!”   Seungmin whimpered and almost fell out of the bed. Minho froze and held his arms up,   “Seungmin…I’m not gonna do anything baby, I’m pulling your blanket up, breathe.”   Minho felt his stomach flip. Seungmin timidly sat back in the middle, eyeing Minho’s hands. Seungmin’s trembling hands weakly grabbed at his blanket and pulled it to his neck. Minho sighed and sat back in the chair he had pulled up,   “m-m-mad?”   Seungmin asked in a soft voice, Minho frowned,   “I’m not mad Minnie? Why would you think that baby?”   Seungmin was looking at his hands still, shaking his head,   “m-mad…me”   “I’m not mad, upset, nothing Minnie, relax pup…”   Seungmin whined softly and sank down,   “mad…c-call…as-as-ass…hole.”   Seungmin whispered and hid behind his blanket more, Minho stilled…   “N-No Minnie I was upset…at something else I’m so sorry….”   Seungmin hummed and put his head down. Minho gripped his hands,   “Seungmin? Did the doctor explain what happened?”   Seungmin nodded, Minho hummed,   “Wanna help hyung figure some things out?”   Seungmin’s breath hitched as he nodded, still intently staring at his hands,   “Why’d you do it puppy…why would you hurt yourself…and…”   Seungmin coughed softly,   “T-Tired.”   Minho sighed,   “Seungmin we all get tired sometimes…you…why didn't you tell me you had a subspace?”   Minho watched as the small amount of color Seungmin had in his face drained,   “I-I don’t….h-have…”   “Seungmin don't lie to me, clearly you do…I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me. I would have taken care of you.”   Seungmin shook his head,   “N-No…”   “Yes Seungmin, I would have.”   Seungmin's breathing picked up and he scooted away,   “N-No…w-wouldn-n’t have…mad.”   Minho huffed,   “Whatever Seungmin, we’ll talk about this later…”   Minho stood up and leaned on his bed,   “I’m not gonna hurt you okay, just stay still.”   Minho peeled the blanket up from his legs to check all of the visible marks. Seungmin yelped and curled away,   “no no p-plea-se no…”   Seungmin scrambled and fully curled onto his pillows. Minho sighed,   “I said I’m not going to do anything Seungmin.”   Minho easily took to blanket off of him, and even more easily moved Seungmin’s limbs away, tsking at the small mark of his initials he did a bit ago.   “Seungmin you know how bad this looks? You have shit all over you…”   Seungmin was looking at him terrified, tears slipping and a sob tumbled out. Minho rolled his eyes.   “Come on Seungmin…”   He moved to hug him but Seungmin successfully pushed him away.   “No no no…d-don't wanna…h-h-hurt ple-ease”   Seungmin curled, hugging himself and sobbing uncontrollably. Minho sighed and just put his blanket back on him, rubbing his thigh,   “I won't hurt you Minnie, it’s oka-”   “No! N-Not o-okay….y-you…s-cary please.”   Seungmin was trembling so hard the bed was moving…   “Seungmin…”   “Hey Mi-Seungmin…?”   Chan stepped in and blinked before slowly walking over. Minho cleared his throat and stopped touching Seungmin,   “He woke up a little bit ago.”   Chan nodded and crouched by his bed,   “Minnie bub? What’s going on hm?”   Seungmin only thrashed away from him but yelped when he saw how close he was to Minho. Minho sighed softly and sat back,   “He isn't talking well yet.”   Chan looked up with worry but nodded,   “Baby, deep full breaths for me okay?”   Minho felt anger pang as Seungmin whimpered and clung to Chan’s hoodie. Allowing Chan to hug him tight…

After that Minho never had alone time with Seungmin, someone was always there, talking to Seungmin until Minho would show up and Seungmin would have a visceral reaction for the first two days. Until Chan started catching on and Seungmin mumbled,   “L-Lots of people…it’s overwhelming.”   Minho was…a bit shocked when Seungmin held his hand, albeit his hands were clammy and shaking like a leaf…

Then, Seungmin was fine to go home. The company pushed to not have him committed into impatient…Seungmin went through questioning and they just wrote it off as an accident. Hyunjin held Seungmin close, tucking his hood over his face to make sure no one could see how…dead he looked. He was in the hospital for ‘food poisoning’ apparently.

The air was tense in the dorm. Jisung and Hyunjin hooked their arms under Seungmin and walked him to his room, Seungmin sighed,   “I can walk you know…”   “We know”   Seungmin smiled softly and let them sit him down. Blinked and willed his arms to stay put as they touched his legs to get him comfortable. Minho has completely ruined him. He completely ruined himself…this wasn't Minho’s fault…that’s not fair. This was his fault…   “What do you need baby?”   Hyunjin asked and brushed his hair out of his face, Seungmin sniffled,   “Nothing…I’m a-all…goo-d”   Seungmin tried to get out but a sob ripped through him, Hyunjin was quick to hug him in the warmest embrace.   “I’ve got you Minnie, I’m not letting you go again.”   Seungmin sobbed…feeling like he was being gutted. The pain of that night lingered in his arms, feeling the rush of emotions, the urge to be at peace. to just…die. Ripped away from him. He ruined his chance…again.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

“So did you and Minnie fight?”   Changbin asked, Felix tucked under his arm as they sat on the couch across from him. Minho tilted his head, so they have noticed…hmm…   “Kinda…I was just trying to see what was going on with him…but he yelled and pushed me away…”   Changbin sighed and nodded,   “He did that with all of us hyung, it’ll be okay..”   Minho hummed, moving slightly to give Chan room to sit. Jeongin huffed and sat on the other side of Changbin.   “We found a bloody rope under Seungmin’s bed.”   Jeongin blurted out and Minho froze. Fuck he knew he was forgetting something…fuck that's bad…   “a…bloody rope?”   Chan slowly asked and Jeongin nodded,   “So…I assume kinky shit but uh…nothing makes sense…”   Felix said and deflated. Minho gulped as Chan heavily sighed,   “I don’t even know…we need to ask him…no matter how hard he fights us we need somewhat of an answer…the company needs an answer.”    Changbin hummed and pulled Jeongin into a side hug too,   “Those…marks…are crazy.”    “The bruises…how did Minnie have this whole secret part…I just…”   Felix started and stopped with a sniffle,   “I just want him to be okay…he’s our Minnie…our family.”   “He is Lix, we’ll help him get better…”   Minho said softly and Felix hiccupped and nodded. 

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Seungmin knew it was coming…he can't expect to just be off the hook. He sliced his arm open and had a galore of cuts, bruises, handprints, rope burns, hickeys everywhere…No way they’d let him be…he was gripping his hands as he was sat in the middle of the couch, the other members slowly filing in as Chan and Hyunjin rubbed soothing patterns into his back,   “Breathe Seungmin, it’s okay we can take this slow hm?”   Seungmin hitched his breath and shivered, hearing Minho say that to him once-he flinched when Hyunjin tucked a piece of his hair,   “Woah baby, it’s okay…no touching okay?”   Hyunjin retracted his hands and gave him a soft blanket,   “sorry…”

Minho sat on the adjacent couch, the furthest away from him, Jisung halfway in his lap but intently looking at Seungmin. Minho gulped as his stomach churned. This is going to ruin him, his reputation, their relationship…Jisung…fuck… Seungmin glanced at him and smiled, Minho felt his heart stop, Seungmin looked around at everyone situating, Jisung getting up to get Seungmin a water,   ‘it’s okay’   Minho felt his throat constrict as Seungmin mouthed that. His sweet old smile, weak but there…Minho realized as Seungmin smiled at him, his eyes crinkling slightly, him bunching the blanket in his hands…that Seungmin was the one comforting Minho….And Minho has never done that for him. Only ever caused him terror and pain it seems…Minho doesn't deserve this pity, this forgiveness.

But he’ll greedily take it. He didn't wanna lose this, his hands wrapping around Jisung’s waist as he sat back down.   

“Okay Minnie…we need to address…everthing….I know how scary this is, we can take our time but…we can't help you if you won't let us.”   Chan started, still rubbing his back, Seungmin sighed and explained…everything.   “I know…I uh know half of you didn't…know that was my second attempt…”   Minho tensed,   “It was a while ago…before we debuted…uh Lix, Hyune…and Sung all talked me down from the roof of our old building…when the doors used to be stupidly unlocked…”   “W-Wait you…”   Jeongin started and bit his tongue,   “I did…I only told Channie hyung and wanted it to be a secret…the company threatened to kick me out…but uh…besides that…th-this really was an accident…”   Seungmin took a breath and held his chest,   “I was just having a bad day a-and just needed something…”   “Does this have something to do with the marks on you?”   Changbin asked, Seungmin blinked and took a shuddering breath,   “No…it doesn't.”   “Minnie you need help bub…”   “I know…the company is putting me into therapy.”   Seungmin said, sounding more and more monotone.   “Minnie…”   “I know I know…they look bad…”   Seungmin put his head into his lap and took breaths until he wasn't shaking anymore.   “Seungmin…was this…non consenual?”   Seungmin weakly sat up,   “No…no it wasn't rape or anything…I just- mess around with someone…”   Minho felt his heart literally squeeze.   “Mess around…with someone? Do we know them?”   “No.”   Changbin sat him more,   “ ‘LM’ is carved into you twice Seungmin.”   Both Minho and Seungmin froze, but Seungmin huffed,   “Yeah his name is Myeon, Lee Myeon…”   Hyunjin sighed,   “Seungmin…we’re just worried…and confused…we’ve always been open with each other…”   Seungmin nodded,   “I like my sex life private unlike them.”   Minho jumped as Seungmin pointed to him and Jisung with a small smile,   “I’m sorry I kept it from you all...I won't be seeing him anymore…”   “So we don't know him? When did you even have time…”   Changbin said, sitting back more. Seungmin sighed,   “You don't know him, I met him at a cafe, but uh he lives close…and I brought him here a few times…sorry Min hyung.”   “As long as you didn't bang in my bed.”   Minho said, trying to sound put together, Seungmin hummed,   “We didn't. I’m not that disrespectful.”   Minho felt the insult straight to his gut.   “Okay…so…”   “He was just a hookup. Nothing serious. It's o-over…"   Seungmin looked over at him, his smile dropping,   "Company said no more marks…it'll be bad for the group if this comes out."   Minho blinked and nodded, cocking his eyebrow, wait…what did that even mean…he wants this to continue? 

Minho got lost in his thoughts, not hearing Seungmin continue,   "B-But I wanted it to s-stop anyways…so…yeah."   Seungmin watched Minho not pay attention anymore, most likely mapping out…something, so Seungmin stopped talking. There was no point…when has Minho ever listened to him anyways?

And that was that. Well kinda. The others tried pushing less cryptic answers from him but…as the adrenaline died down, his nerves rose, seizing his words, his throat constricting. Chan pulled him into a hug and he flinched back, he wiped his hands on his sweater and stood up, stumbling a bit to his room. He was left alone…even though all he wanted was a hug…a hug he trusted…one he was sure wouldn't grow into something more…but Seungmin didn't deserve that…does he?

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Seungmin gulped down air and acid. Sweat pattering onto the porcelain of the toilet. Hyunjin rubbed his back,   “It’s alright Minnie…”   Seungmin blinked down at the mess and sat back, Hyunjin moving and slowly patting his chin before flushing,   “Breathe Seungmin, look at me.”   Seungmin blinked rapidly, trying to will himself to let air in…he gasped as Hyunjin hit his back,   “There you go…You’re okay baby…”   Seungmin furrowed his brows and looked at Hyunjin,   “W-Why are you here?”   “To pick you up of course…Manager Park told me where you were…”   Hyunjin said softly. Seungmin only hummed, it was his third monthly therapy appointment…he hadn't let any of the members know his schedule. He didn't want them to see him…like this…he wouldn't even open up and talk much at therapy, only silently reliving the things that happened, he ended up sobbing until he got sick every time…Hyunjin smiled at him,   “Let's go home?”   Seungmin sniffled and nodded.

They've been horribly busy since they lost a month because of him…but that first month after his ‘accidental’ attempt, his members have been so attentive… he's basked in the soft hand holding, the gentle hugs, cuddling that he's relearned won't escalate into anything scary or painful. So he didn't bat an eye as Minho sat on his bed. Hyunjin had him wrapped in a blanket earlier after he took him home…then ordered pizza for everyone, having a movie night since tomorrow was their day off. Minho sighed and gently rubbed his calf. Seungmin blinked at his hand and then back up at him,   “You okay hyung?”   Minho shook his head,   “No…how can…you do this? Treat me like this? Act like I didn't do anything bad?”   Seungmin tilted his head as he sat up,   “Minho hyung…let’s not do this…”   “Why not?”   Minho snapped, he flinched and his breath hitched,   “I just don't understand why you-you never told me anything.”   Seungmin stilled, of course he was making this spin on Seungmin…he expected that much…   “Minho hyung… let's just move on…”   “No Seungmin. You should have told me you were feeling that way.”   Seungmin closed his eyes and took a breath,   “I should've…I know…”   “Are you burning again?”   Seungmin physically jumped at the question,   “N-No I’m not…I've been do-”   He gasped as the blanket was pulled away,   “M-Min stop.”   Minho shook his head and proceeded to yank at his sweatpants,   “No, you've lied to me. To everyone.”   Minho gritted out and inspected his legs. Seungmin felt his heart literally stop.   “Stop touching me…please”   he whispered too softly. Minho shoved his legs away.   “Please just…come to me okay?”   Seungmin just nodded, fear pumping through his veins.   “Did…you…”   Minho started but sighed,   “Goodnight Seungmin.”   “G-Goodnight S-Hyung.”   Fuck…he was still wrapped around Minho’s finger…and Minho seemed to notice that…

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Seungmin woke up with dried tears on his cheeks…he sniffled and turned to his side groggily. He hugged himself as unfamiliar uneasiness hit him. He gasped softly as he looked over to Minho’s bed. Seeing Minho…and Jisung under the covers in a compromising position…then he heard it…Jisung’s soft noises and Minho's disgustingly familiar grunts. He bit his tongue harder and just closed his eyes. Being bombarded by memories. Painful memories. Feeling his neck tighten. God, he wanted to fucking die.   “Shut up little toy~”   Minho giggled and he heard a small squeak, and now Seungmin was going to be fucking sick. His stomach churning so painfully…he slowly curled up, bringing his face down into his blanket and letting a tiny sob out. He's never going to be happy and free is he…?

Minho smiled and kissed Jisung’s neck as the panted softly. He looked over and chuckled, seeing Seungmin move slightly. He sat up and pulled out of his flushed boyfriend.   “Wanna go get the shower started beautiful?”   Jisung hazily nodded, kissing his lips and giggling softly as Minho pulled him up. After Jisung walked out with his very oversized hoodie on, Minho took a breath,   “Morning Minnie.”   He tilted his head as Seungmin twitched,   “Hope you enjoyed the show.”   He got up and made it over to Seungmin, placing his hand on seemingly his waist and squeezing. Seungmin gasped and flinched away, hitting his arm away.   “Y-You're disgusting…”   Seungmin whispered, making Minho chuckle and swoop down lower,   “Yeah yeah, I bet you loved it. Miss hyung touching you?”   Minho was testing it. Seungmin's comment all those months ago repeat in his head often…Seungmin furrowed his brows as he looked at him, opening his mouth but abruptly closing it, shrugging and moving away. Minho smirked and his hand dipped under Seungmin’s blanket and found his neck, squeezing,   “All you have to do is let me know.”   He let go and left him there, not wanting to make Jisung wait.

Seungmin blinked, tears heavily flooding out as Minho closed the door. He doesn't understand…he really doesn't…he was so scared to say no…he doesn't want to get hurt like that again…but would saying yes be better since… he's assuming Minho’s going to do as he pleases…so…would saying nothing be better…he frustratingly cried. Seungmin didn't know…he was…lost. Pumped full of too high of a dosage of anti-depressant. Brain foggy constantly…h-he just wanted to die. Simple as that. He sighed,   “Guess nothing changed…” 

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

He closed himself off as best he could. Faking a smile and his laugh was much easier than anything else. He worked around the loss of appetite. Worked around when Chan, Felix, and Hyunjin bombarded him with love…Changbin bringing him to the gym to help him ‘feel’ better. Jeongin…just…being there with him at practice and at home, taking him out to their movie dates. Jisung never left him alone…always offering to relax together, play games...Minho either kinda…Minho was terrifying if he was honest. His mood was unpredictable. His touches were always suggestive. Even in front of everyone…Seungmin didn't really know what to do anymore. His therapy was apparently being dropped. He was…happy about that. It was helping too much…at the same time it made him think that this was Minho’s fault rather than his own…and he knows that's not right. He was just crying victim. He stopped actually taking his meds. He pretends to take them every morning and put them in a container by his bed…He doesn't know what he's planning but…He knows he's going to kill himself. He just..wants to hold on for a little longer…maybe search for some hope?

But…with all things nice in Seungmin’s once stable life crashes and burns. 

After his first month free of therapy, their schedule died down, and they were evidently moving. Splitting dorms. Everyone was so happy… except for him when he figured out who he’d be living with…Why….Why would they split the couple….Seungmin would easily switch with Jisung…But he was denied…of course. He gasped as he packed the last of his things when his ass was smacked and grabbed,   “Did you read the group chat?”   Minho asked, his hand not moving.   “N-No..”   “Hmm, we’re going out to eat after these last boxes.”   Seungmin nodded and finally breathed as Minho left the room. He sighed and sniffled as tears threatened. He felt numbness fill his body, he’ll be okay…this meant fewer people at the dorms…he likes alone time…

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Until he didn't like his alone time. Because Minho seemed to know all of his spare time…always in the dorm when only Seungmin was there…other than that he was at the other dorm with Jisung… 

He flinched as his door was trying to be opened. These doors had locks…and Seungmin took advantage of that.   “Seungmin open the door babe.”   Minho called out,   “And don't pretend to be asleep you just texted in the group chat.”   Seungmin silently cursed himself. Throwing his lighter to the side he was planning on using…he shakily unlocked and opened the door, he shrank as Minho looked him up and down, shaking his head. Minho pushed him back into the room and closed the door, Seungmin didn't have it in him to freak out…   “Wanna relax and watch something?”   Minho asked nonchalantly,   “Sure…” 

Seungmin tensed as Minho pulled him against his body. They were lying down and watching a movie on his laptop. Minho’s arm holding his waist now…Seungmin tried shimming away but Minho actually hit him. Hard.   “Stop being a brat.”   Seungmin felt his heart jump.   “sorry…” 

===

He misses Minho…not the one kissing his neck and pulling his pants down, the one that would cook him soup when he was sick. Give him advice when dancing and not touching him when he didn't ask. The one who never dared to yell at him. Never hit him. Minho covered his mouth as he thrusted in. Seungmin laid there in defeat. He hasn't eaten in a day or two…his withdrawals made him throw up so…he didn't feel like wasting food…he was dizzy just from his heart beating faster and faster as Minho thrusted harder. Grunting filth into his ear. He missed Minho…Missed feeling safe…but he was right. He didn't deserve anything good…wished he did though...he doesn't know what he did wrong to be so...unhappy.

===

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Minho looked at himself in the mirror, tilting his head. He…doesn't know why he did that…He…fuck he really doesn't know…He was just…horny. Jisung's been so busy lately and they've been practice for long hours…and Seungmin just keeps giving him mixed signals…Seungmin was making it seem like he wanted this the continue again…Fuck he didn't mean to cheat on Jisung…He sighed to himself…that has to be the last time…he can't mess up his relationship…Jisung’s his soulmate…

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

After that day Seungmin was…weirdly happy…but his smile…his smile was just like back then…before all of this weird shit happened…Seungmin was his old bright self. Although he didn't really…look at Minho, he looked past him. He rarely accepted his touches, he only did when they filmed…so Minho took it. He can admit that he fucked up.. a lot. But hopefully, this meant Seungmin was slowly getting better…Minho was putting up a boundary after he told Seungmin he wanted to focus on his and Jisung’s relationship…Seungmin stared back at him with a blank look before smiling.   “Course Hyungie…I really hope everything works out between you too…” 

And with that, Seungmin still smiled heartbreakingly at him. His beautiful smile and empty eyes haunt him still to this day. The members carried on, keeping Seungmin close with hugs and attentiveness. Until that crumpled away as they got busy again. And one day…   “I thought Minnie hyung was on his way…like a while ago.”   Jeongin huffed as Felix pulled him into a stretch. Hyunjin hummed,   “Yeah…he did…he even called me…”   Minho got a bad feeling…Chan’s phone rang, and their second youngest name popped up, he answered with furrowed brows,   “Hey Minnie, are ya on your way?”   “No…you should uh…start without me hyungie…I really really love you all.”   Seungmin said in a small voice and hung up. Chan’s ears rang.   “Hyung? What’d he say…?”   Changbin asked, on alert as their leaders color drained,   “A-Ambulance…call an ambulance for the dorm.”   Time…stopped. 

***

Unfortunately just for them and not for Seungmin at home…he overdosed on his harbored medicine and did… research that if you mixed his type of meds with something else…it was a faster process. And…he finished it off by going to his closet…and hanging himself to cut off any and all oxygen.

***

Only then did Minho realize…he ruined any semblance of happiness. For him…and for his members. His friends. His boyfriend…none of them will recover from…losing their brother. 

Why...Why didn't Seungmin say anything...talk to him...was this his fault...? N-No...not entirely.