Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Being on the run became natural to Xalena over the years. As the product of a union that was forsaken by Lolth herself, she and her parents always were running. Up until the point where they couldn’t anymore and home became wherever she went. She had a home for a time, with them. Those friends she had saved Faerun with from the Mind Flayers.

If those friends could see her now, how ashamed they would be. Because there she was, on the brink of death, magic drained, strength sapped from the poison she was forced to consume, and worst of all, captured by flesh traders. The hero of Faerun, captured by the scum of the earth. 

When she traveled with her companions, she was always the careful one. The one who made sure everyone was rested and that they had an ear to listen to when they needed it. Traveling alone though, she never looked out for herself. Over the years, she couldn’t come to care what would happen to her.

Xalena was a strong Druid. Hells, maybe one of the strongest of her generation. Alas, even the strongest Druids needed to rest. She had eliminated an entire Mind Flayer colony by herself today not far from Baldur’s Gate of all places. In the past two years, there was some resurgence in small Mind Flayer colonies across Faerun. They've been diminishing in numbers across the continent thanks to her vow to root them out. As strong as she was, taking on five adult Mind Flayers and their minions by her lonesome was no easy feat to accomplish.

She was so exhausted and drained that a team of ten flesh traders easily took her out while she was trying to sleep. As horrible as they were, she didn’t realize how crafty they could be with capturing their victims. They first injected her with some potion to eliminate all her magical abilities and paralyze her. Her weapons were the next to go along with anything useful she could throw at them. 

When they tied and gagged her, they found out how valuable their prey was, the hero of Faerun, the savior of Baldur's Gate. Xalena was unfortunately a very recognizable half-elf. When the bards sing heroic ballads of her pale blue icy skin, red and blue heterochromatic eyes, and two-toned gray hair, Xalena’s identity was hard to conceal. Which was one of the many reasons going to the city was avoided at all costs.

And that wasn't even to mention a certain bloodthirsty politician who she couldn’t bear to see again. 

It’s been thirty years since they defeated the Elder Brain and he hasn’t left her mind. It was hard not to when that connection between them initially created by the tadpoles somehow still lingered between her friends. Making use of that connection would be useful right now, but it wasn’t a power she could control. She only got to see occasional flashes of their lives or strong emotions. She had no idea how much they all saw of her life or how often.

As much as some help would be useful right now, she knew nobody would come for her. Her companions were either separated by too much distance or held too much contempt for her. 

The flesh traders that captured her were too occupied to pay any attention to her when she regained some semblance of consciousness. Based on all the noises of twisted merriment and the smell of alcohol she gathered they were celebrating their most recent catch. Until now it seemed.

“Can’t we break her in before she gets sold off?” Xalena had just enough awareness to hear the flesh trader’s vile words. “We can just heal her when we’re done. I want to know just how sweet the hero of Faerun’s screams are when I ruin her.” 

“It’s your neck you're risking if you do any permanent damage. The boss won’t want damaged goods, especially this one.” 

This is how she dies. At the hands of a horrid human man who finds some twisted pleasure in all of this. She wished she could tear him apart and shred him until he was nothing but bloody ribbons. It would be so easy given any other circumstance. Who knows how many innocent beings have fallen into their hands. How many lives they’ve ruined. But she could do nothing as one of the flesh traders sauntered over to her. 

“So so pretty. I thought the bards over-exaggerated, but perhaps that’s not the case.” The human unsheathed his dagger and dragged it across her neck. It felt numb against her skin, a small mercy perhaps. “Looks like someone else has marked your pretty neck already, what a shame.” 

He was referring to the bite mark on her neck that was left by him. Despite everything that happened she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it and she didn’t want to think about why. 

“Fuck you!” Xalena tried to say but the words came out muffled and unintimidating.

Her struggle and anger seemed to amuse the man as he laughed. “No matter. You may be someone else’s leftovers but you'll still bleed just the same.”

She felt the warmth of her blood but not the cut he made at the side of her neck by her scar. It was followed by a swift punch to the gut and a hand around her throat. Xalena’s eyes started to water and it made him laugh even more. The pain she was trying to ignore came rushing back again. It was hard to hold on anymore. She wasn’t needed anywhere or by anybody. Wanted the death gods she had come to hate to claim her soul already.

“Oi! What was that noise?!” 

The hand around her throat disappeared and she could breathe again. Xalena was on the verge of passing out but her eyes remained open just long enough to see the scum before her getting his throat slit with inhuman speed. The man went down and the camp erupted into chaos.

She heard guttural noises and metal clashing against metal. Her body couldn’t hold herself up anymore, everything was too heavy. It was getting dark as the screams died down more and more. And then there was silence. There was also a sudden sense of not being bound to her own gravity as if she was lifted up from the ground.

She thought she was hallucinating but she could’ve sworn she heard a gentle voice reach her ears. “What did you get yourself into this time, darling?”

The warm darkness enveloped her and she let go.

Chapter Text

“We could have the entire world. Ruling side by side as we take on Faerun. All of it could be yours, you just have to ask. Just one more bite is all it would take.”

This isn’t the man she loves. The man Xalena loved died the moment he ascended. Astarion wanted the freedom power supposedly brings. She wanted to give him that freedom more than anything.

She tried to convince him that killing all the spawn was wrong before they completed the ritual. When that didn't get through to him, she thought this would be the best option. She didn't think she would regret this choice but now... It's almost like the Vampire Ascendant has consumed him through and through. And now he's asking her to be his slave.

“Astarion, I’m not sure if I could be a vampire. I want to be your equal and that can't happen if I am your spawn. Why do you want this for me?”

“I want what’s best for you, my sweet. And spawn is such a harsh word. You’d be my dark consort, my right hand, my most beloved spawn. This is different from what I was. I would never hurt you, I love you. That’s what you’ve been waiting to hear, isn’t it?”

Honeyed words. Somehow he sounded less genuine compared to when he first told her that… as a joke. The tears in her eyes burned.

“This isn’t what I want…” 

“Maybe you don’t deserve it. I thought we had a future together, maybe an eternity. What’s it to be, darling? Is this it?”

“No please, I want to work this out. I love you, Astarion!”

“Of course, I love you too, darling. But you can be so much more. You can have anything you want, you only need to ask.” 

She paused, considering it. Is their entire relationship coming down to this choice? Be a pretty consort or be nothing to him. She didn’t even want to consider the part where he implied she was not worthy of him. 

“Could I be a true vampire with you?” She only asked to test the waters. To see what his reaction would be to having a true equal at his side. 

“All in good time, my love. You might need time to adjust.”

Time to adjust, he says. He wants to control her. He would have all the power in this relationship. His response confirmed that she would never be an equal to him. After everything that happened with Cazador, he still wants control over others, even the one he supposedly loves. Xalena would just be one of many that would fall under his thrall. 

“I can’t give you that. I can give you anything else, but not that. I love you but it can’t be like this.” Her words came out strained and fearful.

Those eyes, somehow even more red than before, didn't show a flash of hurt. If anything, his face only showed contempt. “I won’t forget what you did for me. It’s a shame you came so far, only to slip now. Such a pity.” 

He left her after saying those words. Xalena fell to her knees and cried alone in one of the castle’s many ancient rooms. Everything she built with him is gone. He is gone…

____

Xalena didn’t know what was worse. The dream of the most heartbreaking moment of her life or the searing agony she felt throughout her body. She awoke drenched in sweat trying to catch her breath. It burned. Everything burned. Xalena sometimes had a hard time dealing with pain. It caused her to panic and lose control of her breathing and muscles. Realizing the depth of the agony she felt, her breathing became erratic. She started to spiral. 

“No… no. Please make it stop.” She didn't realize she was saying the words out loud. She was all alone. She was going to die.

“You’re safe now, darling. You’re going to get better. You’re plenty strong enough to beat this. I know that better than most.” 

The sound of that voice caused her to snap out of it for a second. She opened her eyes fully to see that face she loved so dearly. Those deep red eyes and perfect white curls. That voice she heard… it was Astarion. He came for her. Came for her when nobody else did. 

Although the sight of him caused a temporary reprieve from the panic, the burn throughout her body intensified. Her breathing quickened again. She clenched her eyes shut again as if it would make it all go away. 

She felt the back of his hand meet her forehead and the sensation of his fingers stroking her hair. Was he trying to calm her down? 

“If you can, I need you to breathe with me, okay? You’re not going to be able to drink your medicine like this. Now in through your nose… hold it, and now out through your mouth.”

His words seemed like a world away. She wanted to follow those instructions. She had done this thousands of times before, but she was so far gone in that spiral of fear and pain. The pain wasn’t going away. The more awareness she brought to it, the less control she had. She felt her neck starting to twitch. 

His hand moved to her cheek and his thumb slowly caressed her face. “Look at me,” he said calmly.

She somehow found the will to open her eyes again. He was trying to replace the pain with another sensation to ground her. Through her panicked eyes, she saw that his face was infinitely more soft compared to the last time they spoke. He almost looks concerned about her, but that must be her imagination getting the best of her. He probably wasn’t capable of feeling such a thing. 

“Breathe with me, okay?” 

He mimicked the breathing pattern again and she finally tried to follow him.

“Yes, just like that. A few more times,” he encouraged. 

She decided to use those crimson eyes and the feeling of his calloused thumb to ground her back to reality. She kept track of her senses and it allowed her to fall into the motions of the breathing exercise. A reprieve from her rapid breathing. 

Astarion held a bottle towards her. “The healer said you’d need more antidote when you woke up. Can you swallow this?” 

She slowly nodded her head, trying to communicate some semblance of agreement.

“It doesn’t taste good but it’ll help the fever. Drink it all.” The hand on her face slowly moved to support the back of her neck.

The putrid liquid slid down her throat but she obeyed and drank it all as he supported her. “That’s it, darling, you’ll be okay.”

He looked her over clinically to make sure she was calm again. “Now, sleep more, you’ll need it.”

Astarion slowly started to retreat from her bedside.

Before she could comprehend what her body was doing, all the strength Xalena had at that moment went into grabbing his hand. A look of surprise flashed across his face for a split second.

“Thank you…” Her voice was weak like the rest of her body. “Stay… until I fall asleep?”

A fully conscious Xalena probably would have never asked this of him. But as confusing as this situation was, she needed him, needed the comfort he showed her. 

He simply nodded and sat down by her bedside. She could already start to feel that burning sensation subsiding. She took one last look at that annoyingly beautiful vampire. With how nice he was being, it seemed like a dream. A dream she didn’t want to end. But this was real. The pain in her body was proof enough of that. Reality will be something to deal with when she wakes up again, right now she wants to dream of bliss rather than heartbreak.  

——

Astarion didn’t know what the hells he was doing. The only person he ever cared about almost died tonight. He would’ve been entirely ignorant of the situation if he didn’t feel her pain all gods damn day. That tadpole connection linked his mind to hers ever so often but he never felt pain like that before. The image of her getting kidnapped by those flesh traders all but confirmed his suspicion that she was in danger. 

She was one of the strongest people he knew other than himself. He’s seen her transform into apex predators, bring down lightning, cause disease, and cure poisoning and wounds. He wasn’t sure how she ended up in this situation, but she clearly pushed herself too hard. Unlucky for her a group of vile people took advantage of that weakness. 

The image of her getting punched and stabbed as they all ganged up on her filled him with pure, unbridled rage. He didn’t know where she was or how he would go about finding her, but that vision spurred him into action. He would save her and damn well make sure those flesh traders knew the wrath of an Ascendant Vampire. 

Tonight he was supposed to be at a dinner party for an aristocrat in the city. He told his staff to cancel his plans and to have the healer on standby when he returned. Along with his weapons, he took healing supplies and stormed out of the castle. 

The memory of her blood was imprinted on his mind, no matter how hard he tried to forget it. The scent of her blood was all he had to go off of to find her, but he had some extra help. He summoned the wolf pack that lived in The Cloakwood forest. 

At the time he wasn’t sure if it would work but he slipped that ring she wore out of his pocket. The magic ring was the twin to his and it allowed her to protect him with a magical shield. She told him it was called True Love's Embrace. He found it in the castle not too long after they beat the Elder Brain. 

After this much time, he doubted any of her scent still lingered but he held out the ring for the elder wolf of the pack to smell. The wolves worked in mysterious ways. Once, he tried researching why vampires could summon wolves in the first place, but he couldn’t find anything. The wolf sniffed the ring for a moment and ran off in the opposite direction as if understanding his intentions to find her.

He ran alongside them until he smelled it. Her blood was faint but it lingered in the the crisp forest air. She was nearby by the grace of the gods. Astarion sprinted with that inhuman vampire speed toward her scent, faster than he had run in years so he could get to her. What would’ve taken at least a day for a normal creature took Astarion an hour to get to the flesh trader’s campsite.

From the shadows, he watched the drunkards. All of them were completely unaware that the most powerful being in Faerun was going to spill their guts and slit their throats. 

He smelled the increased intensity of her blood before he saw her—tied up, gagged, and bloody. A human man stood over her with nefarious intent on his face. His dagger moved across the side of her neck followed by a swift punch to the gut.

It was then he snapped. The sight fueled his fury and he let his presence be known. 

It was all too easy to slit that man’s throat when he came out of the shadows. He only regrets that he didn’t suffer more. The rest of them died within the blink of an eye. Mear mortals would never stand a chance against him but he wanted their deaths to hurt. She was on the brink of death and they would all suffer for it. Every last one of them in that camp and he would root them out again when he arrived back in the city. 

As the last body dropped to the ground, he ran over to her. Her heartbeat was faint and her breathing was shallow, but she was still alive. He forced her to swallow the potions he brought to give her a better chance. 

He considered resorting to more drastic measures on the way there even though he knew the idea of becoming his spawn displeased her. He wanted her to be his again every day for the last three decades. It would be easy to use near death as an excuse for that to happen. If this would’ve happened before the stone, he would’ve done it without any regard for her feelings on the matter. She doesn’t know about everything that’s changed, but there would be time for that later.

Astarion teleported her back to the castle and had the healer follow him into his bedroom. The healer said if he would’ve waited a moment longer she wouldn’t be with them anymore. She was currently having an adverse reaction to the poison they gave her. Between that and the blood loss, it’s a miracle she survived as long as she did. 

In all his time with her, he’s never seen her so powerless and weak. Although, she was much better at taking care of others than taking care of herself. She wasn’t selfless by any means, but she deeply cared about the ones she called friends. 

The healer got her out of her bloody armor and cleaned her wounds. The healer was almost finished when he noticed the cut across the side of her neck.

“Dacria, you are dismissed. I can take care of the rest.” 

She didn’t question him. “Yes, Master. Please give her this if she wakes up,” Dacria, the healer, handed him an antidote bottle. “The poison will cause her to break into a fever soon and the pain will likely stir her sleep. I need to start making other brews so her strength comes back to her faster. It seems she is paralyzed from the waist down. It will wear off within a couple of days, but it is not probable she will be able to move much when she is fully awake. Please alert me again if she gets worse or if she needs anything.”

He nodded to Dacria in response and he didn’t move until the door closed. He took a cloth to clean her neck which was covered in dry blood and dirt. The cut was superficial and wouldn’t cause any scarring. As he cleaned her wound he saw the bite mark. His bite mark.

That primal part of him in the back of his head purred at the sight of her beautiful neck, “mine.”

The thought of anyone else but him marking her neck enraged him all over again.

He knew she was a talented enough healer and could get rid of the scar if she wanted. But she chose to keep it there. She was his first. That first time was sloppy and probably painful for her but it seemed she didn’t have the heart to erase the physical reminder of that night.

The scent and sight of her blood after being apart for so long drove his instincts rampant. He’s probably fed from hundreds of people over the years and nobody ever compared to her. But he would restrain. Not until she was ready to have him in her life again. Hells, Astarion himself didn't even know if he was ready for that. 

The sight of those marks also gave him some hope. Hope that she will see the changes he’s made and she might accept him again. Hope was a fickle thing though. After how badly he hurt her, Astarion wouldn’t blame her if she walked the other way. He didn’t deserve her, he never did. But Astarion selfishly took all she offered to him. She gave him the world and he turned his back on her like she was nothing.

He was so angry those first three years. Everything he felt for her was replaced with possession and lust for more power. She was right to deny him, she saw right through how he would’ve used her. He told her as much the night after she turned him down—how he would’ve used her love for him against her.

At the very least, he wanted her in his life again. As horrible as the circumstances were, maybe fate brought them back together again for a reason. For now, he would wait.

He knelt by the side of his bed and held her hand. 

“Xalena darling…”

Chapter Text

Xalena always screamed when she woke up from those dreams. The dreams where the Lolth-sworn Underdark clerics were after them again to take back their God’s possession: her father. Back then, Xalena was on the run with her parents for at least a year. She dreamt of the night when they murdered her mother and father right before her eyes far too regularly for her liking. Her parents sacrificed themselves so she could get away. 

Somehow, none of her companions have caught on to her midnight outbursts yet. She had heavy sleepers amongst her it seemed—with the exception of a certain bloodthirsty predator. 

Xalena was lifted off the ground before she even noticed Astarion was awake. His hands supported the back of her knees and her torso. She’s always felt safe in his arms, even when trusting him was objectively stupid to do. But ever since they arrived at the Shadow Cursed Lands and they decided to be something real to one another, she trusts him even more.

His lips met the top of her head as he moved them into his tent. He lowered himself down to his bedroll and sat her on top of his lap, arms wrapping her torso. 

“Another bad dream, love?”

Xalena nodded as she leaned her head against his chest. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not tonight. They’re just bad dreams of childhood memories.”

“You know, you’re not alone in this. None of us are. Just know that when you need to talk, I’ll listen.” 

She’s not alone anymore. It was hard getting used to living with all these people at first. She’s been on her own since her parents died when she was fourteen. Ten whole years of drifting from place to place, belonging nowhere. But she belonged here with them. Astarion most of all felt like home. He had her heart, but she was waiting until he was ready. They were taking things slow. Which reminded her.

“Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me. Is this okay though? I know you said you wanted to wait a bit until we were…intimate again. You’re under no obligation to comfort me if that’s not what you want.” 

She didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable when they were both so new to all this. Exploring what being a real partner meant to each of them.

"Trust me, I wouldn’t have lifted you up from your bedroll and put you in my lap if I didn’t want to. I want to be there for you. You’ve been there for me, let me try to return the favor,” he said as he chuckled softly. 

Astarion held her just a little tighter. She wanted to relish this. To inhale his scent and feel his muscles tighten around her in comfort just a little longer. 

“Is it okay if I stay here with you tonight? I just want to be with you…” 

It’s moments like these where she wishes she was better at masking her emotions. But she could tell that he enjoyed the way her cheeks flushed for him by the amused smirk on his lips. 

"I would love nothing more, darling.” 

Sleeping in each other's arms was a gift she never knew she needed. Amidst all the chaos of cultists, tadpoles, and heroics, he would be there for all of it. And Xalena would savor these moments as long as she could. 

——

Rosemary, bergamot, and brandy. A smell so familiar but oh so tragic. Xalena’s brain must be driving her crazy enough to imagine the scent of the one she held most dear. It was probably those dreams she’d been having causing her to conjure illusions. 

But upon opening her eyes she realized she was in a bed and not on the forest floor on death’s door.

Did she die? Is this hell?

It definitely looked and smelled the part, because if she didn’t know any better, she was in Cazador’s castle. Rather, the new governor of Baldur’s Gate who was also the resident Ascendant Vampire. Surely this is her own personal hell, right? 

“What the fuck…” she groaned as she noticed how parched her throat was.

“Good morning to you too.”

Xalena tilted her head to meet the source of the sound. 

She remembered now. The Mind Flayer colony, the flesh traders, the poison, the panic attack, and Astarion.

“A-Astarion? What are you-? What am I-? What happened to me?” 

If there was a list of people who cared enough for her to save her skin, Xalena didn’t think Astarion would even be on the list. He made it clear that she wasn’t worthy of him and that she would regret leaving him. 

While he still helped take down the Elder Brain, they didn’t speak much. He didn’t so much as say goodbye to her after all was said and done. She hasn’t spoken to him since that day but she’s heard of his reputation: a cruel but effective leader. He was apparently instrumental in rebuilding the city over the past three decades. He was feared but also highly respected. An odd dichotomy given his desire to be a tyrant after the ritual.

Clearly, she was missing something here. Was he trying to use her again? Was she a prisoner here? She’s got to get out of-!

“Ahh! Shit! What the hell?!” She first felt her head pounding against her skull. Then she noticed the nausea and the subsequent feeling of saliva building up in her mouth.

She was going to barf. 

She must’ve looked green because Astarion gave her a bucket. The sight of it made her hurl. 

What did those flesh traders do to her? Why must the person she vowed to loathe see her in such a vulnerable state? He’s going to laugh at her for being so weak. 

Xalena felt him approach behind her. To her surprise, he held back her hair as she puked whatever was left in her guts. 

“You were poisoned and your body is trying to get rid of whatever is remaining in your system,” Astarion explained. “The healer said you might be nauseous amongst other uncomfortable things when you woke up. The current theory is that the poison must’ve been brewed carelessly and as a result, almost killed you. Your prognosis would be better if you hadn’t lost so much blood.

“Unfortunately, there is only so much healing magic and potions can do for you in your current state. From my understanding, the damage of the poison on your internal organs and muscles was severe enough that we can only try to accelerate the natural healing process as much as we can.”

As the nausea faded she tried to calm her breaths. Astarion moved the bucket and handed her a damp towel with a glass of water that she greedily swallowed down her throat.

“You’ll need to keep drinking fluids today. I’m going to get the healer for you. Her name is Dacria. Now that you’re awake she can do a more accurate examination. Everyone knows you’re a guest here so they will get anything you need.” Asatrion started to get up again and headed towards the door.

“Wait! You didn’t answer my questions. What am I doing here? How did you find me? Why did you save me?” It all came out more hoarse than she would’ve liked, but she needed to know why he even bothered to save her at all. He hated her.

He paused at the door with his back to her and sighed. Not an annoyed sigh, but one of exhaustion. She briefly got a glimpse of the dark circles under his eyes. It’s as if he hasn’t been resting at all. He was important to the city now she supposed, perhaps too busy for rest. 

“We should prioritize getting you better but I will tell you this. I felt your pain through the leftover tadpole connection and saw a vision of you getting assaulted by those flesh traders. My wolves helped me find you since they have a better sense of smell than I do. The scent of your blood did the rest since you were nearby.

“I teleported us back to the Crimson Palace in Baldur’s Gate where I currently reside so I could get you to the healer more quickly. She’s been treating you for the past three days while you rested. As for why…”

He turned to face her again and she saw that stone-cold mask he often put on. “Let's just consider it a debt repaid, darling.” 

Lie. As she got to know him, she realized he wasn’t as good of a liar as he painted himself to be. She noticed his the lines around his eyes tended to tense right before something untrue left his lips. She knew this whole situation was more than that. But what then, was the truth he was trying to conceal?

“If you want, we can talk after you get better. I’ve been away from work long enough. The healer and my attendants will care for you in my absence. The healer will be up to redress your wounds and give you more medication to be comfortable. Your legs are still impacted by the poison so they might feel numb or you might not have full range of motion yet. You’re likely going to have to stay here until they recover if you consent to it. I’ll be back in two days.” 

Astarion held his hand to the doorknob but turned back to her to say, “I’m glad you’re okay Xalena.”

Her name. It was seldom used by him in favor of the little pet names he threw around. But her name always sounded so sweet when it left his lips. 

With those words, he was gone and she was left in the ornate room in that cursed castle she never wanted to enter again. She supposed she had little choice in the matter given her current state of health.

She turned her attention to her legs which were supposedly not functioning properly.

Shit, he was right. They felt numb. While she could move them a little, she couldn’t feel them at all. How inconvenient that she’s trapped in the last place she wants to be. At least he would be gone for a while. He wouldn’t be there to see her suffer through this. 

She was too vulnerable, which is not ideal in the presence of an Ascendant Vampire. Then again, he’s caught her in two vulnerable moments in the time she’s been awake alone. The gods only knew if he caught her in any more while she was asleep these past three days. If he wanted to hurt her he would’ve done so by now. In fact, Astarion helped her. 

What is she missing here? She had a feeling she wouldn’t find out until he returned from whatever business he had. Did he imply he was missing work because of her? Before Xalena got the chance to think about that more, she heard the door open again. 

It was an Asmodeus tiefling who she assumed was the healer given her white coat and a cart full of bandages, potions, and medical tools. Her skin was a dark purple color that reminded her of the balsam she so often saw growing in the mountains. The healer’s dark-as-night hair was tied up out of her face, leaving her curled horns on either side of her head on full display. 

“You gave us quite the scare. Glad to see you’re finally awake, Miss Xalena. My name is Dacria, I will be looking over you the next couple of days while Master Astarion is away. How do you feel?” 

“Pretty awful. My head is killing me and I vomited up what was left in me just a moment ago. Just time for your Master to see.” 

“Then you are progressing how I expected you to. I know it’s unpleasant, but I think the nausea will pass by tomorrow. And I’m not so sure you should worry about Master Astarion seeing you while you’re unwell. He’s hardly left this room since your arrival. I’ve been helping of course, but he’s put in much effort in taking care of you. How are your legs feeling?” 

Her mouth gaped at what she just so casually said. She must have looked like a fish out of water. Astarion was… taking care of her? For the past three days, he hasn’t left the room? What the actual fuck.

This had to be a dream, she just needed to wake up. Does that mean that he stayed until she woke up to make sure she was okay?

“W-what do you mean he took care of me?” 

“He’s been checking your temperature, changing your bandages, and giving you medication. Anything that needed a more expert hand was done by me, but he insisted that he’d watch over you until you were fully conscious. Now, how are your legs? Are you able to move them?”

“I-I can move them a bit but any sensation from the pelvis down is gone,” she answered sheepishly.

“That’s better than I thought. Thankfully this is only a temporary side effect of the poison that will cause no permanent damage to your legs. Walking again might take a few days, but I’m going to help you do some exercises to regain your strength. For now, I’m going to do another exam on you so I can get an idea of where you’re at in the healing process, okay?”

Xalena simply nodded in response and Dacria started her physical exam. 

The Ascendant Vampire she knew would never do this for her. He never thought of anyone but himself unless they helped him gain more power. Hells, he should have just let her die. Unless there was something he was getting out of this. Maybe he wants her to be indebted to him. But didn’t he say he was repaying a debt? That would make them even then she supposed. 

Either way, she wouldn’t let him lure her back to him. Until she knew more, she couldn’t trust anything he’d said or done for her. For all she knew the healer could be lying to her. Worse, he could probably force her to lie to Xalena about his actions to make him look good again. He said he wanted a world full of his spawn, Xalena didn’t doubt the castle was full of them.

Upon looking at the healer who was currently inspecting the wounds on her arms, Xalena noted that her eyes were not red. Dacria had demonic blue eyes which is quite the opposite of what she would expect a vampire spawn to look like.

“How long have you been working here?” 

“I’ve been working for Master Astarion for about twenty years now. He employed me for the health needs of the rest of his staff so they can seek care for free when needed.”

Who the fuck is this man?!

“You mean he pays you? You aren’t forced to be here, right?”

Dacria gave her a puzzled look. “Yes, I am paid a generous wage here. I don’t know anyone in the castle who is working for free if that’s what you’re asking.” 

Given she wasn’t lying to Xalena, this would imply that Astartion doesn’t have any slaves working for him. If that was the case, he was already better than Cazador in that respect. 

She wanted that to be true so badly. But for all she knew he could be using his vampire powers to manipulate his staff into thinking they were treated properly. While that did seem like a convoluted way of going about it, she was in denial. Perhaps she could find out more as she interacts more with the staff here. 

Dacria finished her examination by testing the sensations and movements of her legs. “While you are progressing nicely you won’t be able to get up today. You might be able to walk within the next couple of days, but even then you might need help getting around. Today, let’s focus on resting in bed a little more and we can potentially start building up your strength tomorrow.

“Drink these now to help with the nausea and pain. If you need to get up to see to your needs, ring the bell. Master Astarion assigned you a maid to help you bathe and dress. She will also bring you a light meal soon to get something in your stomach. Keep drinking your fluids as much as you can. I should be back by mid-day, but if you start to feel even the least bit poorly let your maid know and I’ll come up to see you again. Do you need anything else before I go?”

“I don’t think so. Thank you for the help.”

“Of course, Miss. I wouldn’t want to treat Master Astarion’s special guest with anything less than quality care. Please, don’t hesitate to summon me!”

She learned so much within such a short span of time that tilted her world off-center. This healer was dropping so many things about Astarion that she would need to overanalyze.

Xalena learned three things for certain:

1. Astarion personally took care of her while she was unconscious for the past three days and didn’t want to leave until she was awake.
2. Xalena was a “special guest” here and his staff would take care of her while her legs recovered. 
3. Astarion seemly treated his staff well.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do, but it seemed as if she wouldn’t be able to get out of here until she could walk anyway. Even her magic was still dormant. Maybe she can ask his staff to take her to a healer in the city instead.

But now she was curious more than anything. Clearly, the lack of contact between the Astarion and herself has led to her being too presumptuous about his comings and goings. She thought she knew exactly the kind of person he became when he ascended, but what if she was wrong? Her trust in him was so broken, maybe even unrepairable. Even if he has changed, would she be able to accept him again? 

All of this seemed like a recipe for disaster. Luckily for her, Xalena is very familiar with how to deal with disasters in her life. 

Chapter Text

Yesterday, she woke up.

She finally woke up after all those days and he blew it.

Other than taking care of her, Astarion wasn’t mentally able to do much else without knowing that she was going to be okay. That she wasn’t going to suddenly die on him and leave this world. He was reassured by Dacria many times that her body was just resting, but he didn’t want to leave her like that. It wouldn’t be fair to have her wake up alone in his room without any kind of context of how she got there in the first place. He intended to properly explain to her everything that happened that night and somehow didn’t consider what her state of health would be like when she woke up.

On top of that, he also didn’t consider how he would feel seeing her fully conscious again. She started asking questions and he froze. He realized that he wasn’t ready yet to explain all that’s happened to him. Just as she wasn’t ready yet albeit for an entirely different reason. When she recovered and he planned out what to say to her, they’d have that conversation. She might even be gone before he gets back from his little excursion. But if she was willing to talk, all he could do was hope that she would understand. What they did from there was murky at best, but at the very least she deserved to know why he’s not the same bloodthirsty tyrant he once was.  

Speaking of his lust for violence, tonight was going to be fun. It’s been too long since he’s allowed himself to spill some blood completely unrestrained. The flesh traders should’ve been taken care of many years ago. He let it fly under the radar too long and it was shameful. He was doing the city a service by exterminating them tonight. Adding personal revenge into the mix would make it all the more delicious. 

He decided that his work at the camp was too quick. Granted, he was more focused on getting Xalena to not die than he was on exacting revenge. The flesh traders were lucky she survived. If she left him, well, the consequences would be more hellish than a quick death. He would’ve found a way to slowly but surely ruin all their lives and then have them die painful deaths over the course of years. But bloody murder would suffice for tonight. 

While this could be considered reckless for anyone else, taking down the remaining flesh traders in the city would be a cakewalk for him. He would kill them all one by one until there was nobody left. 

The only two things he allowed himself to do while Xalena recovered were study the poison that she was afflicted with, and plan how to get all the flesh traders in the city in one spot tonight. Due to his reputation and position in the city, he could get a meeting with anyone he wanted. Astarion’s vampirism wasn’t a secret throughout the city because he decided it was a good political tool. He found that fear and control often went hand-in-hand. It made it much easier to get exactly what he wanted.

He propositioned every flesh trader organization in the city to convince him to work with one of them under the guise of adding new stock to his fake blood bank. The lure of the gold he promised alone would be too good to pass up for these vermin. All they had to do was fall for it.

Once he found out where the flesh traders kept the people they sold on the black market, he would help free all of them as well. Owning slaves was illegal in the city but it still happened amongst the wealthy. He was also in the process of having the city watch actively find anyone who owned a slave and arrest them on-site. The city already had programming to help people transition out of slavery and into a life of freedom, but given all the slaves that would be free within the next few days, he worked on bolstering those programs and increasing their capacity as much as he could. 

This plan was kept tightly under wraps. He already had a list of politicians he worked with who would promptly be arrested for their transgressions. Good riddance to them. Astarion himself didn’t even create a single vampire spawn since he ascended. Surely these politicians could have the same restraint with buying slaves. 

He was ashamed and angry at himself that he didn’t kill the flesh traders long ago. Not only would it be better for the people who lived here, but Xalena wouldn’t have been on death’s door a few days ago. He was indirectly responsible for hurting her and all the other people unlucky enough to fall into the hands of the flesh traders. Although it wasn’t a great excuse, rebuilding the city was always the priority. Not only that, Astarion turned Baldur’s Gate’s entire political system on its head when he became governor. He rebuilt this city inside and out to make it what it is today. It would never be perfect, but he supposed he had an eternity to try. Rooting out the flesh traders and slave owners in the city was a good start. Now, it was time to get to work.

He picked an abandoned storage house on the edge of the city to keep the massacre he was about to inflict slightly more discreet. As he entered the rotting building Astarion saw just how well his plan worked. So many bodies to kill. He estimated that seventy flesh traders had been lured into his trap. Revenge was such an enjoyable pastime.

“Welcome all,” he said, reaching down deep into that well of power that he was convinced he had yet to reach the bottom of yet. He’d pay for it later, but this is going to be so worth it. 

“Shall we begin?”

Every single creature in the room had forgotten their autonomy at that moment. Rather, Astarion just created lots of new toys to play with and they wouldn’t be able to do anything unless he willed it. For now, each one of them would stay perfectly still as he stabs, shoots, and tortures them for the information he needed. Maybe he’d release a few from his thrall to see if they’d put up a fight. A good fight was so hard to come upon these days, but maybe that was a side effect of being the only Ascendant Vampire on the continent.  

Either way, he would not be satisfied until every one of them felt the pain they inflicted upon Xalena. Astarion wished he could make an example of them. To show the world that anyone who hurt Xalena would die by his hand, slowly and without mercy. 

With the release of an arrow from his crossbow, the bloodshed began.  

—-

The past two days in the room at the Crimson Palace passed slowly. Although Xalena was regaining her senses in her legs again, using them was an entirely different problem. With the help of Dacria, she was able to stand up on her own and walk from the bed to the door with the assistance of crutches. Anything beyond the confines of the room was too much for her to handle on her own. She still needed assistance getting to the bathing chambers that were just out of reach for her.

As a druid, Xalena knew that healing was not linear. There would be improvements and setbacks in this process and she should feel grateful that she was doing as well as she was.

Xalena also knew that she was not a patient person and not having control over her body was something she was being very impatient about. 

On top of that, she wasn’t used to being looked after or monitored this closely. She never employed the service of a maid before and Astarion’s attendants went above and beyond any expectations she had. It was all a little suffocating frankly. Though, she had to admit they were useful in times such as now when she was bored out of her mind. 

Between rehabilitating her legs with Dacria, eating, and resting, there wasn’t a whole lot she could do the past two days. Her body was past the stage of needing rest constantly which left a whole lot of time for nothing at all. Which was why Xalena decided to ring the servant’s bell by the bedside. The first time she rang the bell, it scared her nearly half to death when her maid teleported into the room within seconds. While the experience wasn’t nearly as surprising now, it still amazed her how prompt they were. 

With a flash of light, her maid appeared before her. “What can I get for you Miss Xalena?” 

The maid, a human woman named Lilian, looked to be in her late 20s. Her pale skin glimmered ever so slightly with sweat and her golden hair was always tied tightly in a bun to keep it out of her soft face. Pleasant woman aside from the overbearing behavior that was apparently typical of a maid. No red eyes again. Every servant that has come into the room so far had that feature absent. How curious, no spawn yet. 

“Hello, Lilian. I’m rather restless today and Dacria isn’t coming to check in on me for another four hours. I was wondering if there were any books you could bring me that might be entertaining.”

Xalena loved to read. It wasn’t always easy to get her hands on books before her little tadpole friend entered her brain, but she read the ones she had over and over again until she practically had the whole thing memorized.

“Oh yes! The Crimson Palace has a magnificent library. It’s a shame that you aren’t able to see it yet. It’s my understanding that many books were added to the collection over the last few decades. Do you have any preference for reading material?”

“You can bring me a little bit of everything. I am partial to fantasy and romance stories, but I’ll take anything I can get at this point”. 

Lilian’s eyes glimmered in excitement. “Those are some of my favorites too, Miss. I think I know just the books to bring. I’ll be back in a moment.”

With the snap of her fingers, Lilian was gone to complete her task.

Xalena found it amusing that she was in good company regarding reading material. The prospect of having a book buddy in this time of boredom was admittedly exciting. It was no surprise that the library was well stocked. Astarion loved to read any chance he could at camp. Their love of reading was one of the first things they truly bonded over. 

Damn.

There she goes thinking about the past again. The books were supposed to be a distraction from her thoughts of him but that idea fell flat on its head right away. She supposed it was a cumbersome challenge not to think of him when she was living in his literal house. She couldn’t even get away from him in her sleep. While there was so much new information to ponder over, right now she’d much rather escape that reality with a much more pleasant story. 

Lilian apparated back into the room with a stack of at least twenty novels in her arms. “Sorry for the wait! I’m afraid I got carried away with myself.”

“No apologies necessary. Thank you for the wide selection, this will keep me busy for a long time while I recover.”

“Of course. I wish I could’ve got these to you sooner. I should’ve realized that you would be bored out of your mind eventually. As soon as you build up your stamina I promise I’ll give you a grand tour of the library. Personally, I’d recommend you start the book with the dark blue cover. It’s a very sweet romance but has a really great plot as well. It also has a bit of a kick if you know what I mean,” she said with a growing blush on her cheeks.  

Xalena gave her a mischievous grin. “Sounds lovely. We’ll have to talk about it when I finish it.” 

“I would like that,” Lilian smiled back with a more professional grin. “Please let me know if you need anything before I bring up your meal Miss Xalena. Happy reading!”

The flash of light appeared again to transport her back to her work. 

Thank the gods there was someone with taste in this palace. How long has it been since she read something with some good smut in it? She shouldn’t have deprived herself of such a gift over the years. Lots of her reading lately had been purely non-fiction based for the sake of helping with the Mind Flayer problem, so reading for pleasure wasn’t on the menu. 

Seeing Lilian’s excitement regarding the book with the dark blue cover made Xalena very eager to start reading. As she read, Xalena concluded that she trusted her maid’s taste in books. This one had a fantasy subplot that enraptured her from the first page. She devoured the pages like she was a starved person at a buffet. She hardly even noticed the room slowly starting to darken as the day faded away or the groaning sound of the bedroom door opening. 

Was it time for her exam with Dacria already? “Give me a second Dacria I only have a paragraph left in this chapter,” Xalena pouted, her nose in her book. 

Only it wasn’t Dacria who responded to her, instead, her pointed ears picked up a masculine chuckle. “Glad to see your affinity for smutty novels hasn’t changed over the years, darling.” 

Xalena turned to face the door and immediately felt her light blue skin turn purple from the blood that rushed to her cheeks. 

Shit. He was back. 

And he was... covered in blood?

Chapter Text

True to his word, Astarion returned to the castle in two days. While she knew he was coming back, seeing him again still caught her off guard. Any semblance of a plan in regards to talking with him went out the window the minute he walked into the room. 

That’s not even to mention he had to walk in on her now of all times. She had some capacity to handle the vulnerability of Astarion seeing her have a panic attack, vomiting, and having a near-death experience. But Astarion catching her reading smut, well, that was a whole new level of being flustered that she didn’t even know was possible to feel. 

“I was worried you’d already be gone before I got back. Glad to see you’re making yourself comfortable. Reading something raunchy is always a good way to relax,” Astarion mused as he sauntered over to the bed. 

“Y-You! How do you even know that’s what this book is about, huh?! This could be about anything for all you know!” 

“I’ve read just about every book that’s been added to that library in the last three decades. That one in particular is very popular among the staff so it was easy to recognize. Even if I hadn’t read it, your face gives everything away dearest,” he said with that shit-eating grin that simultaneously annoyed her and somehow made her blush grow stronger.

Feeling far too self-conscious, Xalena carefully lifted herself out of bed and stood against the nearest wall. Although she was still weak, she would feel weaker staying in that bed in a position that was comfortable for reading but maybe not too attractive to anyone else who happened upon her. 

The bed she slept in served as a barrier between them that she knew would be useless depending on his intentions. 

“Never mind that! What I read is none of your business. Let’s not focus on me when you come marching into my room looking like that. Why are you covered in blood? Didn’t you say you were working?” 

Astarion scoffed and rolled his eyes at her. “First things first, darling, I guess nobody told you but this is my room. And I am oh so graciously allowing you to stay in it while you recover. While you are currently occupying it, I can enter my room in my home however and whenever I like to thank you very much.”

Fuck. That is why the room smelt like him. She thought that was maybe because she was living in his home but to find out that she was sleeping in his bed?! She was vomiting in front of him in that bed! What the hells? How did she not put two and two together sooner than this?

“Oh my you look positively horrified,” he said. “Don’t worry your pretty head about it. I was just trying to be a good host. I will be sleeping elsewhere tonight. If you’re really that uncomfortable with it I can have you moved to another room.”

Xalena slowly nodded in response so as to not embarrass herself further. The gods were so cruel for letting her live through this whole thing. Her life must truly be a spectacle for them.  

His expression darkened just a bit before starting again. “Secondly, I was doing work. Granted, my job usually isn’t so hands-on so to speak,” he said, gesturing to the blood that covered his light armor. 

“There were some rats that needed to be exterminated and that’s all you need to know.” All the playfulness from earlier in his tone was gone. His face hardened as if the memory of what he did today infuriated him.

Astarion was an important person with limited time on his hands. Who in the hells deserved to feel his fury? 

“Well, what if I want to know? What did they do that required you to personally go out there and gut them yourself?” 

“Trust me, you don’t,” he said curtly.

His defensive words stung more than they should’ve. Just when she thought she might be able to get somewhere with him he shuts her out. Even if she still didn’t trust him, it was hard to ignore all he had done for her so far. As much as she tried to fight herself on it, those actions gave her a sliver of hope. She never liked hoping in objectively hopeless situations. It always led to disappointment in the end if someone proved her wrong. It turns out that she was a fool for even thinking for a second they could be friends again. That rational part of her brain screaming at her to stop feeling anything for him was right. 

“Fine. I can’t believe I bothered asking. After all, I’m not worthy of your presence let alone being your friend. I apologize oh great one for wanting to-” 

She suddenly felt his figure looming over her. When did he get so close to her? In her frustration, she didn’t even notice his approach. There were a couple of inches separating their bodies at best. He didn't touch her but if he came any closer, she’d be able to feel his body pressed against hers.  

“Do you want to know why I’m covered in blood tonight, darling?” His crimson eyes glowed bright red and a chill ran down her spine. She suddenly felt like prey. 

“It’s because of you.” He said it like it was so obvious. Like she was someone worth protecting.

“What do you mean it was because of me?” She tried to keep her voice steady. Calm and strong. That’s what she needed to be. But his proximity was making her weak in the knees. And not because of her injuries.

“I made them pay for what they did to you. All of the flesh traders in Baldur’s Gate. Every. Single. One. Gone. They’re not going to be able to harm you ever again. I personally sliced them all open and tortured them to get what I needed. That is why I am covered in blood tonight, love. I needed to show them what happens when they harm what is m-”

His face warped into what looked like pain and he took a step away from her. When he opened his eyes again, the crimson glow was gone. 

“Shit…” 

“Astarion, are you okay?” Xalena asked cautiously. 

Astarion steadied his breathing before answering her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have come to see you. Not while I’m like this. I used too much of my power.” 

Xalena studied his face and recognized the look. Hunger. He needed blood. Hunger was a need that she was intimately familiar with throughout her life, but there was always something so much more desperate looking when he regarded her with that expression. But didn’t the didn’t the ritual eliminate his need for blood as sustenance? Has he not been eating recently? 

Her blood was right there for the taking. She wouldn’t be able to resist him even if she wanted to while she was injured. Did she even want to resist that hunger?

Almost out of habit, she found herself saying, “You could feed on me if you like.”

His pupils dilated and his nostrils flared. Something animalistic came to the surface again for a moment. She watched his eyes trace the slides of her neck. They lingered a second too long on the right side where that scarred flesh was. He tightened his eyes closed, perhaps to give him some manner of restraint. 

He looked her over and his throat bobbed. 

“Don’t say that. You don’t mean it,” he pleaded. 

“But I-” 

“Xalena, no.” Astarion tightened the hands at his sides into fits as he continued. “You’re still recovering. You need your blood more than I do. Why are you always so quick to sacrifice yourself for others? Please think for one second before you offer yourself to someone like me.”

She stood there staring at him in shock. An emotion that she couldn’t help but feel every time they interacted since he found her again. She can’t remember a single time when he has said no to her blood. She was fully prepared for Astarion to sink those fangs into her neck and he turned her down. A feeling of dread washed over her as she realized her error.

“I didn’t mean…I just wanted to help. That was careless of me, I shouldn’t have assumed anything. It was wrong of me to say something like that when you need to feed. I’m sorry,” Xalena said as she cleared her throat. 

“I know…it’s okay.”

They stood in his room in silence. In that moment, she couldn’t help but feel broken. It was so shitty of her to assume he wanted to use her like that after all that happened. She wanted to feel needed. She felt needed when she was with him. Maybe that was why she was so quick to offer herself up to him despite everything they went through. What good was she if she couldn’t help the people she cared about?

Suddenly, there was a flash of concern on Astarion’s face. “Darling, you’re crying.”

She hadn’t even felt the tears streaming down her face until he said it. She turned her back to him. She’s shown him enough weakness for tonight.

“I’m sorry,” Xalena said, failing to hold in a sob. 

“Don’t be. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m sorry as well. I shouldn’t even be near you right now,” he said softly. 

He stood there for a moment but he didn’t move any closer. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed.

“I should go… I’ll leave you be.” 

She felt his presence retreat. But Astarion’s voice reached her again just before he left. “I’d like it if we could talk tomorrow night. I want you to know what happened to me while you were away.”

All she had the energy to do was nod. 

“Sleep well, dear.”

As soon as the door clicked shut, the dam holding in her emotions broke. She fell to the floor and sobbed for the second time in that palace. It felt something like loss. But she didn’t know what she was mourning as the tears kept coming. 

—

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He nearly lost his control. 

“You could feed on me if you like.”

How long has he dreamt of her saying that to him again? Xalena was so intoxicating and she didn’t even know it. The blood that he craved the most was so close. She offered herself to him on a silver platter. He knew it would be risky to see her after he used his powers to control the flesh traders, but he couldn’t help it. Astarion convinced himself that the bloodlust would go away if he put a tight enough leash on it. What a fool he was for thinking he would ever be able to resist her. Nothing would be able to fully kill his hunger for her, but he had to try. 

Maybe staying away from her all these years was a wise choice after all. Although Astarion didn’t cause any physical harm to her tonight, the tears streaming down her face felt worse than a stake through the heart. He knows that wasn’t the only night where he’s been the source of her tears. What he said broke something in her. There were no words to describe how he felt other than awful.  

He was in no position to comfort her when he was a part of the reason for her pain. It was one thing to help her while she recovered, but an entirely different thing to show that emotional intimacy he lost the right to give her. He had to reject every instinct he had to pull her into his arms and hold her again. Astarion wanted to take that sadness away, but he couldn’t allow himself, not after what he did. She wasn’t even supposed to be here with him in the first place. 

She deserved to take her time. Xalena could take an eternity and he would still wait for her. She used to trust him. Astarion knew he trusted her too, more than anyone. Xalena was his only friend, the only one he cared for in two hundred years. His lust for power broke that trust. She just wanted him to be happy and he manipulated her into thinking ascension would give him that happiness. He was blind then. So short-sighted. He knows now that power isn’t the thing he needs to survive. 

But if he was fortunate enough to have her in his life again in any way, he’d try his hardest to pick up the pieces of her trust in him that he smashed to bits. 

—

Xalena was anxious all day. She knew she needed to talk with him and there would be no getting out of this one. She saw the note on her bedside table this morning when she woke up. Through her puffy eyes, she read the request from him.

“I’ll stop by at 6 in the evening so we can talk. I’ll lead us to my study for some privacy.

-A”

She made sure she was ready at least an hour before he got to his room. Rehearsed everything she needed to say in her head and made sure to keep note of all the questions she had for him. 

After last night, she wasn’t so sure staying here much longer was a good idea. Dacria informed her today that the physical therapy she was going through had improved her strength much more than she had initially anticipated due to her being so fit. Being on the road for as long as she has, that kind of strength was second nature to her. She could also start to feel her magic again. The nature that her magic drew from sang this morning and welcomed her back like an old friend. It almost made her cry all over again. Thankfully she could walk on her own a little further today, but still needed the crutches for long distances. While she wasn’t fully recovered, Dacria fully expected her to start walking without any assistance sometime within the next week.

Xalena decided today would be simple. Get her peace of mind by talking with Astarion and then never see him again. However, the prior seemed to be the hardest part for her. After all, she was always so good at running away from her feelings. 

Xalena processed her feelings in one of two ways. One of which involved ignoring them until she exploded. The other involved hyper-analyzing every little encounter and reaction that elicited anything uncomfortable. She often didn’t have the energy for the latter, but she knew both methods were extremely unhealthy. Despite the challenge, she needed to do this to figure out what happened. She wouldn’t be able to forgive herself if she ran away from this.

Before she could fully talk herself out of it, her ears picked up his footsteps. But there was no subsequent knock on the door. Just the sound of footsteps going back and forth. Looking at the grandfather clock, Xalena noticed it was nearly time for her meeting with Astarion. Does that mean he was… pacing in front of the door? She’d like to think it was because he was just as nervous about this conversation as she was. Although, Astarion was always much better at masking how he truly felt than she was. Deceiving anyone was never one of her strong suits, she was too honest and not nearly charismatic enough. 

But maybe it would be fun to mess with him a bit. He was teasing her last night about her "smutty novels". That’s not to mention the ten million other mortifying things that have happened to her through her recovery that made her feel far too vulnerable when he was present. Catching Astarion off guard would tip the scales in her favor ever so slightly. 

As quietly as she could, Xalena got up from the chair she was sitting in and approached the door. Stealth was Astarion’s strong suit, but she wasn’t all too bad herself. With crutches and creaking floors, what she was doing was hardly stealthy at all, but if he was distracted enough it could work. 

She reached out to grab the doorknob and grasped it in her hands. It would feel so good to get some revenge on him. Probably wasn’t too often he was caught off guard in his own home. 

Just before she could twist the doorknob, the door opened on its own. Astarion stood at the other side of the door frame. While she didn’t get to sneak up on him fully, the look on his face was very rewarding. 

His eyes widened and his mouth hung open ever so slightly. It reminded her of a kid who got caught by their parents stealing from a cookie jar. Ever the sly vampire, he was quick to mask his surprise.

“Good evening, you’re… not where I expected you to be,” he said, clearing his throat. 

“I heard footsteps. Almost sounded like pacing. I thought maybe you came to get me early,” she said, trying to conceal the smile on her face. 

“Oh? I just got here. You must’ve heard a servant out and about.” 

He was such a pretty liar. “Hmm. I see, I must’ve been mistaken then. You’re a very busy person who surely wouldn't have the time on their hands to do such things.” She made no attempt at hiding her own shit-eating grin this time in hopes of getting under his skin. If she didn’t know any better she wouldn’t have seen the tips of his pointed ears redden. 

“Yes quite,” he grimaced. “May I come in?” 

This fucker. “I thought you said last night that you didn’t need an invitation to come into your own room?”

“My, my, sassy today are we? You must be feeling much better. And for the record, I am a gentleman at heart my dear, surely you didn’t forget that.” 

She could make a long list of the many ungentlemanlike things he’d done even before ascending, but she decided to keep this interaction civil. “Whatever, let’s talk then. I suppose if you weren’t ascended you wouldn’t be able to come in uninvited. But I extend my invitation to enter this room anyways so the bloodthirsty vampire can take me away,” she said laced with all the sarcasm she could muster. 

“Don’t tempt me,” he said as he winked. Clearly, his flirtatious habits didn’t go away. It pained her to think about why that might be the case.

He walked through the doorway towards a part of his obnoxious room that she hadn’t ventured into before. “Anyways, shall we? The study is right through this hallway.”

Xalena nodded and readjusted her crutches. Her left leg was working enough to rely more on compared to her right. She never had to use crutches before though. Everything was still very uncoordinated as she tried to reach where Astarion was heading. Walking around in these made her feel like a newborn fawn. She must’ve looked the part as well.

“Do you want… help?” Astarion asked carefully.

“No! I mean- I need to get used to them or I won’t get any better. I can do it. Lead the way”

He looked up and down at her with caution but let her continue as he moved down the hall. He never went too far. Maybe within an arm’s reach at most. He also walked noticeably slower for her.

How sickenly sweet of him. 

Just before they turned the corner of the hallway, something went wrong. Did her leg give out? Did something slip? She could only let out a surprised yelp before her body fell face forward toward the ground. Xalena braced herself for the pain of smashing her face against the marbled flooring, but it never came. Instead, she found herself crashing into toned muscle and hands grasping under her arms to hold her up. Her whole upper body was leaning into Astarion’s chest

“I had a feeling that would happen,” Astarion sighed. “Are you sure you’re up to this? You seem worn out.”

Just when she had a leg up on him, she went crashing on the floor right in front of him, literally. Xalena didn’t dare lift her head up from where she was to hide her now purple face. Even if that meant leaning herself against him a little more than she would’ve chosen to. “No! I mean- yes I feel up to this. Physical therapy was just exhausting today that’s all.”

Astarion clicked his tongue. “You were always such a clutz off the battlefield. I suppose this is hardly uncharacteristic of you despite the injury”

In anger, she snapped her head up to meet him. “Hey! That’s a low blow and you know it.”

“I’m joking darling. Everyone needs a helping hand with something. Yours just happens to be tripping over nothing,” he teased. 

Too stunned to come back with a witty response, she did the best thing could think of. She flipped him off. 

For a second he looked confused. But then he tilted his head back and he laughed. Genuinely laughed. 

She went thirty years without hearing that sound. She couldn’t believe she had forgotten how rich and joyous it sounded. Any prior annoyance she felt towards him faded. All she could do was look up at him mesmerized. His laughter was just mesmerizing enough that she could ignore the sensation she felt that made her body sing when his body was pressed against hers. Or even the way being in his arms still felt safe and secure despite him being one of the most dangerous creatures in Faerun. 

As his laughter died down he looked her in the eyes again with a toothy grin still on his face. “I’m sorry. How dare I forget how fun it is to be around you, darling. Glad to see your spunk has returned.”

Without warning, Astarion moved his arms to lift the backs of her knees and supported her back. Before she knew it, she was thrown over his shoulder.

“Hey! What the hells?” Xalena exclaimed. 

“If you didn’t notice dearest, your crutches are all over the floor and my study is all but twenty steps away. It’s no trouble. I’m sure you’re just as impatient to have this conversation as I am. Let me put us out of our mutual misery here.” 

He was just full of surprises today. She wasn't sure if her poor heart would be able to put up with anymore but here she was.

“You’re very lucky I don’t have full function of my legs yet, or else,” she warned. 

He chuckled a bit at the threat. She could feel the vibration from the sound that spread from his body to hers and it made her breath catch a bit.

“Or else what? You’ll kick me in the shins? The balls?”

“Don’t tempt me,” Xalena mocked.

“I have no doubt you’ll get your revenge on me in due time. It’s probably only a matter of days before you can transform into an owlbear again and you’ll have me running for the hills.”

Reaching the study, he gently set her down on a chair opposite his desk. As Xalena recovered from his attempts to make her heart stop, she observed Astarion’s office. She decided it was very... him. The room smelt like him again but with an undertone of fresh parchment. As she had predicted, the office was full wall to wall of stocked bookcases. If his study had this many books, the prospect of seeing the library excited her all over again. While his bedroom was a bit tackier and too decorated for her taste, the study had the refined elegance but also coziness she would expect from Astarion. 

As Astarion took a seat across from her at his desk, they lingered in silence again. It was Astarion who broke it first. “Dacria said you made some good headway today with walking again. Despite your… incident just now I’m inclined to believe her.”

Xalena acknowledged him with a hum. “Fortunately, yes. It will be good to be fully in control of my body again. And thankfully for you, I’ll be out of your hair soon. On a more serious note, I’m sorry for being such a burden. Everyone has been so kind to me here and they’ve all been so hard working. I’m sure I would be in far worse shape or dead if you didn’t find me. I’m not sure if I properly thanked you for saving my life, so thank you.”

He smirked again. “A burden? I'm pretty sure the staff thinks you’re the most exciting thing that’s happened in the castle in recent history. Rest assured, everyone adores you here.” 

“Although, I could make do with less gossiping,” Astarion murmured under his breath. 

“What did you say?”

“Nothing!” he said, clearing his throat. “Either way, no thanks is necessary, it was the least I could do for you.” 

Xalena thought about the irony of that statement for a second. He's the last person she would’ve expected to say anything of the sort. “But that’s the problem, isn’t it? Last I remember, I wasn’t worth your time anymore. So why did you actually save me Astarion?” 

“Always straight to the point with you, isn’t it? Understandable. I suppose it would be best to start where we left off then.” 

Chapter Text

“The first three years after we beat the brain, I was much the same as after I completed the ascension ritual. I was hellbent on getting a seat on the council in Baldur’s Gate and climbed up the political ladder without any regard for what I had to do to get there. I was arrogant, cruel, and selfish. Just as you’d probably expected me to be when you first arrived.

“And I’m sure you’ve been wondering why that isn’t the case anymore. Truth be told, it was a complete accident that any of this has happened at all. You see, 27 years ago, I was meeting with officials at the wizard's tower in Waterdeep. They were helping us rebuild some structurally complex parts of Baldur’s Gate with new architectural magic. After this meeting, they gave us a chest of various other magical items to help before they could start working with us. When I arrived back in the city, I opened that chest and noticed something very curious.”

Astarion lifted his right hand up and whispered a spell that she recognized to be a Fey glamour often used as an illusion to hide something on your person. There was a gold band on his middle finger. Astarion flipped his hand around to reveal a ring.

The head of the ring was a teardrop-shaped stone that extended from the base of his finger to just below his knuckle. Xalena observed the stone itself and was amazed at how it resembled dancing flames and molten lava trapped in clear quartz. The various hues of orange, red, and gold swirled around dynamically as if it was going to burst out of its crystalline prison at any second. 

“What is it?” Xalena finally asked.

“Frankly, I don’t know. But it is the reason I saved you. When I touched this stone 27 years ago, I started to feel emotions that I hadn’t experienced since I ascended.”

Xalena’s forehead wrinkled trying to process the fact a stone was responsible for saving her skin. “So you’re telling me that you touched a random rock you happened to be gifted and it started to make you feel genuine emotions again?”

“Well, it sounds kind of silly when you put it that way but essentially yes,” Astarion dismissed with a wave. “When I touched it, everything came flooding back to me. It felt like the veil that was put over my eyes when I ascended was lifted. Any emotion or memory that was deemed as a weakness became a part of myself again.”

Xalena could see the look in his eyes darken again, he was dead serious about this. 

“It was… overwhelming to say the least. To face everything that I pushed aside or was twisted beyond recognition for three years. I still have a hard time comprehending it. Like I said, this stone fell into my lap, and all of a sudden I became a different person. Or rather, a very similar person but now has to deal with the consequences of his actions.

“It turns out that when you’re evil, you don’t care about the lives of the seven thousand vampire spawn you killed for your own gain. You don’t think about how you basically became the one person you vowed to destroy. I had no regard for any of the people around me after I ascended. Everyone was a pawn. Something I could move around and manipulate for my own gain. Dealing with all that was difficult. To be honest, I don’t think I’m even close to sorting that out yet.”

He gestured to the ring. ”But now because of this, things are different.”

“From that point on, I decided to try to use the power I’ve gained to atone the best I could. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for my actions but using my position in the city to help others is a start.”

Xalena considered the information. It all sounded too good to be true. All too convenient for him.

“Do you know how it works? Does being able to feel emotions like you used to come at a cost to you?” she asked curiously. 

“I’ve been trying to figure that out over the years. It’s not something I am willing to test out by myself. If the ring is not on my person, there seems to be a small radius power that I am affected by but that’s all I’m able to tell. I haven’t dared to try to find out what would happen if I went outside that radius or even how far that radius goes. I suspect I might turn back to how I was and destroy it as soon as its influence wears off. 

“In terms of the cost of the stone, overall I think the stone slightly weakens my vampiric powers in general and creates consequences for using them. With the stone, I don’t feel so… consumed by my powers as I used to. I’m still powerful but it feels less accessible I suppose.

“You also observed one of the effects last night. If I use a large amount of power associated with my vampirism, my bloodlust is amplified. As you can imagine, drinking blood is the only thing that satiates that bloodlust even when I can eat other things for sustenance because of the ritual. And speaking of bloodlust, the stone doesn’t protect me from myself all the time. The Vampire Ascendant I was thirty years ago is still there. That kind of behavior tends to resurface also when I’ve used a significant amount of my power.”

So that’s what that was. When his eyes glowed bright red and he looked at her like she was his prey. A chill ran down her spine knowing that the Ascendant she once knew visited her last night. 

“Which has led me to hypothesize that the power from the stone causing me to feel these emotions again and the power from the Ascendant ritual don’t like each other. It’s not natural for a true vampire to experience emotion like a normal person. Even when I became a spawn, some of my humanity was lost in the process. I’m not supposed to feel anything when I use my powers. So when I do use them, there might be only so much the ring can do to keep some of those ascendant instincts suppressed. Most of the time, wearing the ring does enough but I have put up some resistance on my part as well.

“But, those are just the things I’ve noticed since I found it. I’m sure I’m not even close to unraveling all the mysteries associated with it yet. The whole thing is odd, to say the least. It unfortunately didn’t come with a guidebook so I’m left to do my own guesswork here.”

She stared at the ring again, mesmerized by the twisting flames it encased. “That’s a lot to take in,” she sighed. “I can’t even imagine how shocking that must’ve been for you. Given the glamour I assume not many people know about this then?”

“The general public certainly doesn’t know about it. I created a certain reputation for myself when I first ascended. As a result, I often have to continue using the mask of a cruel vampire lord when I interact with others outside my inner circle or staff. I thought it would be suspicious if my persona all of a sudden changed. But, all in all, you are only the second person I’ve told about the ring."

She felt his admission sting a bit. “The second? Who was the first?”

He hesitated for a second before answering her question. “I uhh kinda told Gale ten years ago.” 

What the fuck?! 

“You told Gale before you told me? He’s known about this for a decade?” 

“Trust me, I wasn’t happy about it either,” he grimaced. 

“Gale is far more knowledgeable about the arcane than most people I know and I thought something like this might be in his wheelhouse. Besides, he knows all about my history and I could hardly trust any other wizard with this information.

“He wasn’t too happy to see me either, but the man had it in his heart to assist with figuring out what this thing is. He calls it a sunstone. An uncreative name but it’s fitting I suppose. I made him swear not to tell anyone else that he is working with me which is a part of the reason you haven’t found out until now.”

Xalena has seen Gale multiple times within the last ten years. He certainly did a good job at hiding that he was working with Astarion. She was honestly impressed Gale had it in him to keep her in the dark for so long.

Although Astarion’s explanation was logical she couldn’t help but feel a twinge of disappointment that she didn’t know sooner. She was never book smart like Gale was so she wouldn’t have been valuable to Astarion that way. While she wouldn’t have known how to solve any questions in regard to the stone, she would’ve wanted to hear about its effects on him.

Xalena wasn’t sure if she ever gave him the impression that she wouldn’t have cared enough to know about this. He was the one who left and deemed her undeserving of him, not the other way around. Despite that, his choice made her heart ache more than she would’ve liked it to.

“So, you had 27 years to tell me this. Were you ever going to tell me? Why swear Gale into secrecy?” She tried to hide the hurt but the way her voice cracked for a second might have given her away. 

He visibly flinched at the question, his expression turning grim. 

“When we parted ways, I developed a burning hatred for you. I was perhaps too prideful to seek you out because that would’ve been beneath me. It would’ve meant I did something wrong by you. But I think there was also a part of me that was always waiting for you to come back. I thought that you would regret leaving me enough that you’d come crawling back to me begging for my forgiveness. I’m glad you had the foresight not to. The thoughts I had during that time… were not well-intentioned, to say the least. I don’t know what I would’ve done to you if you ever had it in your heart to tolerate my presence again.”

“So after I found the stone, I thought it was for the best not to see you again. What I did to you was more than regrettable. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what I said to you and how I wanted to use you. Even if I changed, I wanted to give you space. I also needed to figure myself out before I even considered telling you all this but it seems that fate had other plans for us.” 

That was very…considerate of him. Although she never went back to Astarion and didn’t regret her choice to not become his spawn, there were moments of weakness. He could’ve easily taken advantage of her in those moments if she ever sought him out. 

After hearing him out, she wondered if she would’ve truly been ready back then to hear the words she was hearing now. 

He paused again as if contemplating whether or not to say his next words. “There was also the matter of who you were with at the time I found the stone. I saw flashes of you with Halsin through the leftover tadpole connection.” 

Oh. He knew about Halsin. That damn tadpole. Although it was none of his business who she spent time with, the first instinct to his admission was to defend herself.

“I hardly see how who I was with at the time relates to this at all,” she said sternly.

His previously pained expression was masked into neutrality and he narrowed his eyes ever so slightly at her. “You’re thinking too hard about my meaning. I didn’t think it appropriate to disturb you and your lover with my problems.” It sounded like the timbre of Astarion’s voice was mixed with a hint of venom. 

He had no right to make any assumptions about what happened between herself and Halsin. Xalena had no idea how much the lingering tadpole connection allowed him to see of her time in the now-cured Shadow Cursed Lands, but he was treading on very dangerous territory indeed. 

“Leave him out of this. I suggest we move on from talking about this subject entirely,” she snapped. Xalena mused that her words would probably be a whole lot more frightening in wild shape. If she were in dire wolf form, she’d be straight-up growling at him. 

Astarion threw his hands up in surrender. “Fine, I’ll yield. While I do like drama, I’ll keep the peace so you don’t rip out my innards or attempt to bring lightning down on me.”  

She scoffed at the comment. “I’ll play nice if you do. Although that is a pretty picture you just painted for me.” 

As if amused by her attempt at intimation a devious half smile appeared on his face. “Tut, tut, so violent after I just spilled my closely kept secrets to you.” 

The comment gave her pause. Bringing her mind back to all the information he laid out before her. He was being vulnerable with her and she felt it right to at least give him credit for that. She knew these moments for Astarion were few and far between.

“Apologies. I do appreciate you being honest with me and taking the time to explain what happened to you. My visit here is starting to make a lot more sense.” 

“Glad I could provide some clarity. Now, in exchange for all this information I’ve given you, I want to know something about you. What were you doing the day I found you? You were so beat up that some lowly slavers took advantage of you. That’s not like you,” he said giving her an assessing look. Like she was a mystery he was trying to solve.

“I suppose I didn’t get to tell you that, did I? Fine, I’ll divulge you,” she sighed. “I’m assuming you know about the Mind Flayer problem that has emerged over the past two years?” 

He hummed in acknowledgment. “Believe it or not, the people of Baldur’s Gate are rather concerned about the re-emergence of the monsters that tore apart their city.” 

“I’ve been on the hunt for them since they started appearing everywhere. Nearly all of last year I was in the Underdark taking down small Mind Flayer colonies. It’s my understanding they’ve begun spreading to more metropolitan areas in Faerun. The whole thing is strange though. I keep killing them out only for them to pop up again in another location. While the colonies are nothing like the scale of Moonrise, you would think it would take longer for them to re-emerge.

“Anyway, I got a lead that there was one near Baldur’s Gate and I took it out myself. This one must’ve been there for a while. It was much more established than what I was used to and therefore more dangerous for someone going in there all by themselves. Admittedly, I went in ill-prepared and came out with hardly any magic and my strength sapped. The flesh traders caught me while I was sleeping.” 

Astarion’s whole demeanor tensed. “You’ve been doing that yourself all this time? You can ask for help, you know. You have plenty of friends who wouldn’t hesitate to fight by your side again. Under your leadership, so much of our little group’s time was dedicated to gathering allies and you’re not even making use of those connections. We both know you are strong but we all have our limits,” he scolded.  

Xalena shrugged. “While that’s technically true, working alone is what I’m used to. When we all got infected with the parasite, that was the first time I ever traveled with more than two people at my side. It felt natural for me to go on my own. Besides, everyone is so settled in their lives right now, that it felt wrong to bring them back into the Illithid madness again.”

Astarion let out a low chuckle at the comment. “Well, if you’re willing to have them, there is one person you know who is willing to get pulled into that chaos again. As much as I don’t relish the idea of having to deal with Mind Flayers again, I want them gone just as much as you do. So, now that I know for sure that our goals are aligned, I have a proposition for you.”

He just keeps coming with the surprises he’s springing on her.

“And what might that be?”

He fished out a large notebook from a drawer in his desk and pushed it across the wooden surface in her direction. “I’ve been looking into the Mind Flayer colonies myself. I recently got ahold of some information you may find to be of use to your cause. Read it.”

Xalena examined the worn pages dating as far as thirty years ago. They were notes by a wizard in Waterdeep that were more scientific in nature rather than arcane. As she kept reading, she found that they documented the wizard’s attempts to reproduce Mind Flayer tadpoles through a combination of magic and unique technologies. 

“Does this mean some wizard is responsible for the Mind Flayer problem we are facing?”she asked hesitantly. 

He nodded in affirmation. “According to that, that wizard has found a way to take the Mind Flayer’s intrinsic biology and make more of it. He can essentially make Mind Flayer tadpoles by collecting various biological specimens from a Mind Flayer’s body. Those notes also document the ability to modify how they grow. Whatever he’s doing, it’s making them grow much faster than they would normally. So yes, someone has been kidnapping people and turning them into Mind Flayers with these modified tadpoles. This technically isn’t an Illithid problem, it’s a mad wizard problem.”

She furrowed her brows in puzzlement. “Do you know what kind of motivations this wizard has? What do they get out of making more Mind Flayers?” 

“That, my dear, is yet to be seen. A very strange pastime if not a potentially deadly one. From what we know, the wizard tower in Waterdeep had no idea this was happening. Their setup must have been fairly elaborate for it to escape their notice.”

“How did you get your hands on this information? I’ve been doing this for two years and haven’t been able to find one hint of what is causing this to happen.”

“Well, darling, when you’re me, you have lots of people at your disposal,” Astarion said with that casual smugness. “In all seriousness, I have a team of spies to gather intel for me. They were tracking down a Mind Flayer in Waterdeep and it led them right to this wizard’s lab. They were able to find these notes but barely escaped with their lives to get them back here. Which is why I want to hire you for your particular skill set. I intend to hunt this wizard down so we can put the Mind Flayer problem to rest.”

While his proposition was interesting, they both knew his request made little sense.

“Why do you need my help with the Mind Flayers? You’re all powerful, you could easily do it yourself.” She made no attempt to hide the suspicion in her tone.

“Don’t stroke my ego too much or it’ll go to my head, sweetest,” he purred with a lazy smile. “As a matter of fact, I did intend to go myself. But you’re here now. You have the experience I’m looking for and I am familiar with how you fight. You’re literally perfect for the job. Since we want the same thing, it seemed like a natural question for me to ask you.”

She rolled her eyes at his honeyed words. “If you have so many people at your disposal you can just hire them. The Flaming Fists are still around, I would argue they’d be just as useful.”

“You’re right but I don’t trust just anyone to watch my back. I’m either going to do this alone or I’ll do it with you. I’ll pay you for your services, of course. Anything you want.” 

She was getting a weird sense of deja vu at that phrase. What she wanted was one of the first questions Astarion asked her after he Ascended. At first, she struggled with the idea of what she wanted. But the one thing she craved more than anything since her injury was closure.

Although this conversation with Astarion was enlightening, she knew there was so much more than he wasn’t telling her. The whole truth was something that was yet to be revealed. But what if she could use this opportunity to pry those truths from him? The faster she was able to get her closure, the sooner she could leave him forever with her peace of mind intact. 

“So I’m perfect for the job that only I can fill? How flattering. You drive a hard bargain but I have everything I can possibly need after becoming one of the saviors of Baldur’s Gate,” she said sarcastically.  “Although, there is one thing you can give me that would tempt me enough to work for you.” 

His eyes glimmered at the prospect. As if he had her right where he wanted her. “Name your price darling.”

Cocky bastard. 

“One truth, every day. To any question I ask. And not just pretty half-truths. I want every detail in full. That is the payment I require.” She tried to keep as much of a stone-faced expression as she could but kept feeling the edges of her lips move upward ever so slightly. 

Astarion positively exuded amusement regarding her request. “Hah! I knew you’d give me an interesting answer. Information is a currency not valued nearly enough. I’m glad to see you know the value of my truths. Are you sure that’s what you want? For all you know, I could just lie to you.” 

“Trust me, I took into consideration your tendency to say untrue things. I’ll know when you lie, Astarion. I always do. Besides, I have a feeling you won’t do me the disservice of lying to me while I work for you. And if you do lie, I’m gone. I will not only leave this job but I think it’s fairly likely that I will be gone from your life as well.” Xalena attempted to make the words sound as cold and detached as she could. An art form Astarion had mastered. 

This was the only thing she could leverage against him. He wanted her to do this for him, that much was obvious. Aside from the elimination of the Mind Flayers, his intentions for her presence in particular were still questionable. If he truly needed her, this is what he had to do to convince her. 

“Very well. I will oblige you then. I’ll promise you one truth to any question you want to ask me. Do we have a deal?” 

She wasn’t sure if she was surprised or not that he was anything but hesitant to take her up on her request. If anything he seemed eager and ready to prove himself. 

He reached his hand out to her from the other side of the desk. Xalena took it with her own hand and shook it. The heat and the cold of their hands mixed together in familiar contact.

“We have a deal,” she confirmed. 

Astarion gave her a sly but assessing look. “I’m curious now. Will I get to know any of your truths on our little journey together, darling?” 

Normally her truths were not hard to buy from those she trusted, but this was Astarion she was dealing with. 

“That depends on your ability to earn those truths.”

That casual smugness graced his face again. “I hope I am able to surprise you then. I think you’ll find I’ll do whatever it takes to get what I want,” he winked.

Xalena hummed at the remark. “Don’t overestimate yourself now. It also depends on your ability to not piss me off.” 

His smile only widened in response. “Duly noted.”

Chapter Text

Xalena will never take her legs for granted ever again. Those motor functions she normally didn’t have to think twice about were now finally restored after 4 more days of physical therapy. She got Dacria’s seal of approval for her discharge today and she couldn’t be more happy to get rid of those cursed torture devices. And by that, she meant the crutches she was forced to use. She was awfully tempted to set fire to them, but that would be a waste of perfectly good medical supplies. With her discharge, she was now free to walk, run, and fight as usual. 

After their conversation, Astarion and Xalena decided that they would depart to Waterdeep as soon as Dacria deemed her ready. After around 2 weeks of resting, she was itching to put her body to work again. Weeks on the road could be grueling after coming out of an injury so she wanted to prepare herself as best as she could. After all, she couldn’t let Astarion do all the heavy lifting and leave her out of all the fun. 

Xalena was still occupying Astarion’s room after his reassurance that he would be mercifully absent from the Crimson Palace until they were ready to head out to Waterdeep. She justified her choice to stay because it was convenient for her and nothing more. It definitely had nothing to do with the fact that the scent of his bed sheets became more comforting than any medicine she was receiving. She was happy to get the hell out of that room though. She was practically going stir-crazy staying in one spot for so long. Thankfully, she was given the grand tour of the palace by Lilian a couple of days ago. Xalena was currently on her way to the courtyard to get some combat practice in. 

Xalena thought it a curious choice that Astarion stayed in his old home instead of tearing the whole thing down. Those cages in Cazador’s dungeon alone would’ve justified that choice. But he certainly did gut the whole place. Every wall, floor, and decoration had no trace of what was left by the palace’s previous master. While everything still had a refined aurora to it, his home was a lot more simple than she would’ve expected it to be. The red, gold, and black color scheme of the original was replaced with neutral-toned walls with accents of blues, greens, and browns in the furniture and decor. She rejoiced at the fact that the god-awful red and gold wallpaper that Cazador seemed to adore was all gone. Very rarely did she see any hints of crimson at all despite this still being the home of a vampire lord. 

She only hoped that the crypt that housed all those spawn was destroyed or barred off entirely. Xalena mentally winced thinking about all the souls she helped to sacrifice in this very castle. She shared Astarion’s sentiment on that matter that she would never be able to fully repent for allowing the ritual to happen. Her actions were purely self-serving. It was her fault that she didn’t convince Astarion enough that the ritual was wrong. She was a horrible person for not even regretting her choice until she saw the consequences of her actions. 

Her friend’s words echoed in her mind, “those are catastrophic thoughts Xalena.”

Practicing mindfulness wasn’t easy, but it helped to recognize how her anxiety caused her to think in black and white. Halsin taught her how to notice these things and she was forever grateful for it. She wouldn’t have made it this far without him.

As her feet touched the dusty ground of the courtyard, Xalena decided that this would also be a good opportunity to redirect that anxiety into something more positive. The courtyard was sizable with the palace’s weapon room adjacent to the training field. Lilian mentioned on her tour that it was seldom used as there was little need for many guards. Practicing alone was preferable anyway.

She threw her pack, which was recovered after she got captured, on the ground. She remembers the flesh traders disarming her thoroughly so she was grateful all her supplies were present. She didn’t want to think too hard about the fact that Astarion probably found all of her things for her at some point and how kind of a gesture that would’ve been. Although she knew the reason behind that kindness now, that didn’t mean she knew what to make of it. Her trust in him raised a sliver after their conversation, but she was still confused about how to feel about everything. That was why she accepted his job under the condition of a truth a day. To sort out the confusion and gain the clarity she needed.  

From her pack, she reached for her adamantine scimitar and staff. Although she was partial to the latter due to her specialization in druid spellcasting, the scimitar held a special place in her heart. It was a well-earned weapon after all. They only had to complete the simple task of fighting the Grymforge’s construct for her to wield it. That battle was certainly in the top 10 of her most horrifying near-death experiences. 

She decided to practice with the scimitar first to run through her sword-wielding drills. She gasped at the pommel and briefly admired the network of glowing blue veins that ran throughout the blade. Xalena eyed the training dummies ready to be figuratively beaten to death and brought her weapon down on it. She would swing at it again and again and again until she couldn’t anymore. 

—

“I’m telling you there’s something going on between them! Master Astarion hasn’t ever brought a lady home like that before. She’s staying in his room Beth, he hardly lets anyone in there.” 

Although the maids would be doing a good job at hiding their gossip by any other standard, Astarion’s vampire senses picked up Lilian’s whispers from outside of the kitchen. 

“While I do agree with you that it’s not normal for him, I’m not fully convinced yet. He’s hardly been around the palace at all recently. Don’t you think he’s avoiding her?” Beth, a half-eleven maid, whispered back.

“Who knows? These days he rarely even rests here anyway. If anything I feel like he’s coming back only because Miss Xalena is here. You should’ve seen it Beth. I only got a glimpse but the way he was taking care of her while she was asleep! I had never seen him look at anyone like that before. He left his room maybe 2 times in 3 days. And I swear he’s been smiling a lot more whenever I see him. I’m just saying I don’t think it’s a coincidence that-“ 

“I think that’s enough Lilian. What did I say about your tendency to speculate about our guest?” Astarion interrupted the two with clear agitation in his tone. 

Both Lilian and Beth visibly jumped at his intrusion and immediately lowered their heads. 

“Forgive me Master Astarion, it’s my fault! You said if I kept spreading gossip I would have to stop serving Miss Xalena,” she said apologetically. 

“We’re leaving tomorrow, you know. I’m sure you wouldn’t want to have to say an early goodbye to her. You’re really lucky she likes you a lot otherwise you’d be scrubbing the washrooms all day instead of showing her the library. You’re getting off with a warning again,” he said sternly. 

Lilian raised her head again and signed with relief. “You are very generous Master Astarion. It won’t happen again. Miss Xalena is a good friend and it’s an honor to serve her.”

“Yes, quite. Speaking of our guest of honor, do you know where she ran off to Lilian?” He just needed to talk to her about their upcoming trip, no other reason. It wasn’t like he missed her after not seeing her since they talked 4 days ago. Certainly not that. 

“She told me she was going to do some warm-ups in the courtyard to prepare for the journey. I would suggest looking there first. If not there, the library. She spent all day there yesterday, even ate her meals there too,” Lilian mused. 

Why was the image of her nose stuck in a book in his library so damn adorable? He tried not to let the smile that threatened to appear on his face show at all. He couldn’t add more fuel to the fire of maid gossip. 

“Very well. Run along now you two.” 

The two maids departed to some other area of the kitchen and made themselves look busy. 

His staff reminded him of himself from time to time. Hungry for any drama they could get their hands on. They were too perceptive for their own good and they had eyes and ears everywhere. Since he took over, the palace rarely had much going on outside of the occasional social gatherings he forced himself to host as the political head of Baldur’s Gate. So when Xalena first woke up, the whole damn palace was simply buzzing at the new arrival. His relationship with her was by far the most popular topic of discussion. He supposed he did very little to hide that he cared for her in some capacity. He just wished that his love life wouldn’t be so interesting to everyone who worked here. 

As he sauntered over to the courtyard, he heard the swing of her scimitar before even getting a glimpse of her. Despite being incapacitated for nearly two weeks, her form was near perfect. Maybe a bit slower than what she was capable of, but still just as deadly. From the shadows, he simply chose to watch her precise slashes against the training dummy. 

Her two-toned gray hair shone in the sun. Her light blue skin was glistening from the sweat she worked up, making the freckles on the high parts of her cheeks more noticeable. She was beautiful. Xalena would always be beautiful in his eyes but especially like this. A deadly and dangerous sort of radiance he couldn’t get enough of.

How did he get so lucky that she decided to go to Waterdeep with him? It was admittedly a shot in the dark when he asked her to join him. He had no real plan of how he would convince Xalena. She agreed to this trip for as little as one truth day. Granted, maybe that would be easier said than done depending on the questions she asks. But she didn’t know just how willing he would be to spill his guts out to her if that meant she would stay with him. 

He knew this journey would be his last chance to earn back her trust. He had no doubt she wouldn’t go easy on him with their deal, but there was no limit to what he would do for her now. He would burn down worlds for her if she asked him to. The ascension made him think his love for her had too much power over him. Perhaps he was inclined to agree, but he didn’t see that as a weakness anymore. 

Enjoying the view from a distance was nice. However, Astarion craved to be as near as possible to her. With expert stealth, he approached her from behind. 

When sneaking up on people, Astarion knew how to spy an opportunity when he saw one. As soon as he saw an opening in her form, he tackled her to the ground with the tip of his dagger pointed at her throat. In a flash, his other hand grasped her wrists, pulled them over her head, and pinned her down. Her breath hitched faintly in response.

Astarion clicked his tongue at her struggle. “What a nostalgic sight. How well do you remember the time we first met, darling? I thought you may need a reminder since it’s been so long.” 

He smirked as he admired his handiwork. As always, the sight of her writhing beneath him was delicious. He kept his knees sitting on either side of her legs, trying to be mindful not to get too carried away with touching her any further. He tightened the grip on her wrists ever so slightly in reminder that would be the only point of skin-to-skin contact he would allow himself. 

“You need to stop sneaking up on me,” she glared with a venomous look in her eyes. As expected, she wasn’t too happy about him interrupting her training time. But that was all a part of the plan. He desperately wanted to see that fiery determination that showed when she fought.

“Being rougeish is kind of my thing, love. Attacking from the shadows has been my specialty for as long as I can remember,” he chuckled darkly. 

She hummed in acknowledgment. “To answer your question though. I believe when we first met I used my expert persuasion skills to convince you not to slit my throat. But I wished I had approached that differently now,” she said with a hint of mischief in her expression. 

He purposefully relaxed his hold on her, relishing the direction this was going in. Astarion leaned his face closer toward her pointed ear.

“Show me,” he whispered in a dare.

Her two colored eyes stared right into his soul and he saw that fire. He cherished it as long as he could before Xalena rammed her skull into his. 

Although he didn’t experience pain like most creatures, he still slightly winced at the force of the maneuver. The opening she made was just enough for her to roll away out of his hold. 

They both rose from the ground and took up a fighting stance. Astarion also withdrew the short sword from its sheath. 

He couldn’t help but be lured in at the sight before him. “There she is,” he purred with a devilish smile. 

Xalena charged toward him.

——

Xalena exchanged blows with Astarion for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was probably only 7 minutes. The outcome of the duel was yet to be decided and she was determined to at least disarm him.

As she predicted, Astarion didn’t go easy on her. Even then, she could tell she wasn’t seeing his full potential. He was already so damn fast and dexterous it was hard to comprehend how quickly he could kill without holding himself back. 

As they continued their skirmish, the sound of metal clashing against metal and footsteps dancing on the gritty floor became oddly therapeutic. 

Xalena’s scimitar leaned against the force of Astarion’s duel blades as they collided. She stared him dead in the eye as if it could cause him to surrender.

“You’re getting sloppier, darling. Do you give up yet?” Astarion baited.

“Not a chance, bloodsucker,” she snapped. 

Xalena pulled away and ducked low. In an attempt to knock him off balance, she swung her leg aiming behind his knees. She felt her foot make contact but he moved out of the way just quick enough for it not to land a full blow. 

He audibly laughed at her admittedly cheap trick.

“Very naughty,” he said in an almost playful growl. 

He charged her again with a series of swings that were getting harder and harder to keep up with as the fatigue in her muscles started to kick in. She parried and deflected every attack in his assault. More sweat started to build on her palms, weakening her grip on her weapon. 

Not even giving her a chance to disengage, Astarion slowly but surely was cornering her into one of the outermost concrete walls of the weapon room. Almost as if he read her mind, he swung his short sword upwards at an angle she wasn’t quick enough to fully block. Between the force of his swing and her loosened hold on the blade, it fell to the floor. The vibrations of the metal suddenly hitting the ground echoed across the courtyard.

Xalena’s back now rested on the wall while she gasped for air. She couldn’t say the same for him since he didn’t even need to breathe. Astarion’s figure towered over hers. A predator with his well-earned prey finally cornered. Although he was still armed, he trapped her in with his arms as he leaned his hands against the wall on either side of her head. 

“Well done, darling. Not bad for a spellcaster, but you’ll have to try harder than that to best me,” Astarion teased.

In this position, she could either look at the floor in defeat or meet her captor’s glaze. She chose the latter only to prevent hurting her pride even more. His stare was white hot and primal, admiring her state of vulnerability. She didn’t realize how intimate the position she was trapped in was until she felt her body burn hotter in response. His presence was consuming and demanded attention. It felt as if there was nowhere else she could go. He was close enough to feel the relieving cold radiating off his body that she craved after exhausting herself. 

Despite the compromising position, there was no way she would surrender to him now. Intimacy was something to take advantage of as well. 

“You’re just lucky I decided to be nice and didn’t use any magic. Not exactly an even playing field when a rouge and a druid spar. That’s not even to mention the Vampire Ascendant of Faerun decided to pick a fight with me. Although I’m not sure you met my expectations. It was kind of anticlimactic if you ask me,” she taunted through her steadying breaths. 

Astarion took a step closer toward her. Probably as close as he dared to get to her without making direct contact. Good.

He tilted his head slightly to the side and narrowed his eyes. “It wouldn’t be much of a fight at all if you want to see my full potential. Don’t worry though, your eagerness will be satiated soon whenever we can find someone to kill.” 

“But I want to know how you would go about potentially killing me. In the spirit of hypotheticals, of course. You wouldn’t want to kill your most recent investment would you?” She tried to put some sensuality in her tone in hopes of lowering his defenses. Due to their proximity, it was easy to see how his eyes became more black than red when she said those words.  

“You are something else, you know that?” He chuckled darkly. “But I’ll humor you. As you know, decapitation is my favorite. But we can always make things more interesting than slashing that pretty head off your shoulders. I can call on the wolves to tear you apart for me but that wouldn’t be fun. Besides they might actually like you and you’ll turn them against me so that’s off the table. There’s always the power of compulsion which would allow me to at least get creative. Although, I really only save that for truly the worst creatures. So if I were to truly take you down darling, I’d like to take my sweet time.”

She hated how her body shivered as those words entered her ears. 

He leaned in just a bit closer towards her left ear. “I would chase you to the ends of the earth until you couldn’t run anymore just because I can. Even if you did have the energy to fight me, I would be so fast you would be utterly helpless to defend yourself. Ideally, it would end with my fangs in that darling neck of yours draining you dry-“ 

Xalena kicked his shin as hard as she could in an attempt to offset his balance again. The moment she made contact she shoved Astarion to the ground, taking herself with him. He lost his grip on his weapons as his back hit the floor. She seized the opportunity to take hold of his dagger as she knelt over him with her knees on either side of his torso. With the dagger in hand, she pointed the tip right at the base of his throat. 

Her victory over him should’ve made her smug. But one look at his stunned face and she laughed. She couldn’t even contain it if she tried. She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed so hard that her body involuntarily produced those snorting sounds she disliked. Xalena tilted her head back and felt the tears erupting from her eyes as she cackled at him. 

“Oh your face is priceless,” she says as she continues to giggle. “I can’t believe you let me get away with that one.” 

She lowered the dagger against his throat to wipe away her tears and glanced at her captive vampire lord again. 

Astarion propped himself up with his elbows to meet her gaze. Despite getting knocked over, his smile was utterly content and feline. “While I didn’t particularly enjoy feeling your wrath in the form of a kick to the shin, I think it was well worth it if only to hear that laugh again. Besides, I rather like this position.”

That comment pulled her out of her fit of hilarity. Without realizing it, her body decided it would be more comfortable to laugh at Astarion’s face sitting on the tops of his thighs rather than hovering above him. 

She immediately opened her mouth in horror as she scrambled away from him. Xalena rose to her feet and turned her back to him to hide her blush. 

“S-sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you like that, I got carried away in the moment.” 

Xalena heard the scuffle of footsteps that she could only assume was Astarion lifting himself off the ground as he sheathed his weapons. “On the contrary, I’m glad you did. It’s not like we set any rules. I much prefer a fight when you don’t know what to expect from your opponent. And there’s no need to apologize when I’m the one who started it. It was quite the experience seeing you fight again up close even if I was your target. I think I can confidently say you’re ready to slay some Mind Flayers.” 

He crossed that invisible boundary she had made with her backside to face her directly again. He reached out his hand towards her.

“Truce?” 

Xalena nodded as she took his hand. “Truce.” 

“Would you be interested in a peace offering I can show you?” Astarion asked curiously.

“Oh? What might that be?”  

“I won’t spoil the surprise. Follow me.” 

Astarion tugged on her hand that he was still holding and started walking out of the courtyard. Xalena trailed behind him as he led the way. She didn’t have the heart to release her hand from his grasp. 

Perhaps sensing the familiarity of his hands, she unconsciously squeezed his hand with gentle force. Without missing a beat, Astarion immediately squeezed back in kind. Somehow, the gesture made her heart skip a beat more than literally sitting on top of him. 

They walked in amiable silence until they reached a familiar doorway. The entrance to his library that she has already spent so much time in. 

“You have something to show me in the library? Lilian gave me a tour that lasted at least an hour yesterday.” 

“Yes, and she also told me you practically lived here all day as well. It was shocking to hear. That doesn’t sound like something you’d do at all,” he said with obvious sarcasm. 

“How could I resist? You have a wide selection of smutty novels after all,” she smirked. 

“We don’t discriminate against book genres in my house, darling. But that’s not why we’re here. While I’m sure Lilian put together a perfectly adequate tour, she doesn’t know this place like I do.” 

It wasn’t hard to catch her interest when there were books involved. “Color me intrigued, lead the way. Let’s see if you’re as good as a tour guide as you make yourself out to be.”

“Trust me you won’t be disappointed,” he grinned from ear to ear proudly. 

With her hand in his, Astarion guided her through the labyrinth that was his library. It was unlike anything she had seen before. Some of the bigger libraries across Faerun with esteemed collections were hard to gain entry into unless you had something to offer them or if you happened to be a scholar. As a result, being set loose in the Crimson Palace’s selection of tomes was truly a treat. Despite Cazador being a bastard through and through, it seemed like he at least knew the value of knowledge. The three-level library contained records from hundreds if not thousands of years ago according to Lilian. That wasn’t even to mention the hundreds of other books Astarion added to the library throughout the years. Lilian also mentioned it was one of the first rooms to receive major renovations when Astarion became master of the palace. The rounded glass ceiling was her personal favorite feature of Astarion's library.

Astarion’s low voice brought her out of her admiration. “I never truly got to enjoy this place despite living here for over 200 years. Although I did cherish the few moments when I could find a loophole in his orders and steal a book from here. The library was more a decoration to him rather than something he actually made use of. Truly wasteful. I think I did a more than proficient job at turning it into something that reflected how glorious this place actually is.”

She hummed at his comment unsure if he wanted her to speak on his admission. Anything involving Cazador was hard to talk about for him. Although, she did sense less hesitation as he spoke. Xalena concluded it was probably best to give him the space to talk those emotions out without her commentary.

He continued to lead them through the stacks to the very edge of the library. The wall was full of embedded bookshelves just like every other wall in the place. Xalena looked at him in confusion. 

Astarion gave her a knowing smile. “The benefit of starting all over again was that I got to make some additions only I know about. And now I’m sharing them with you.”

Almost disappointingly, he finally let go of her hand in favor of stalking toward the bookcase in the center of the wall. He turned towards her and waved his hand gesturing her to come closer. As she approached, Astarion removed a couple of books on the edge of one of the shelves. With his other hand, he glided it against the roof of the shelf and then there was a distinct clicking sound. The bookcase swung open to reveal an opening to another room.

“You have a secret passageway in here?!” she nearly squealed in excitement. Was it very cliche? Absolutely. But it was one of those cliches that were so damn cool no matter how overdone it was. 

Astarion lifted his index finger to his lips. “Careful, the walls have ears,” he hushed gently. “You just have to press the button up here,” he said showing her the mechanism. It was a clever system. The flat button blended in very nicely into the wood. Anyone not actively looking for it would’ve been none the wiser to its existence. 

She tried her best to contain her joy as she rushed through the entryway of the passageway without Astarion’s invitation. The room was very similar to his study in the bedroom except this one had way more books. There were even stacks of books piled on top of each other in tall towers to accommodate the lack of space on the stocked bookshelves. At the center of the room was a large table littered with scrolls and tomes across the surface. She also noticed the various kinds of seating arrangements that looked perfect to curl up and read in. Xalena even spied a bedroll hiding behind one of the leather chairs.

“How is this room different than your study?”

“Well for one, nobody can come in here aside from me. People can bug me in my study whenever they want to. It’s where I’ll host meetings or business deals and such. This is where I disappear to do most of my work if I don’t need to go back into the city. All the books here are for my personal use. There’s some rare stuff in here that I’ve collected over the years that I don’t want anyone else to get their hands on. Anything I read for pleasure is here as well. There are just some books I don’t want to share if that makes sense.”

She nodded in agreement. She knew exactly what he meant. There were plenty of books meaningful enough to her that were worth protecting. Xalena imagined if she ever had a sibling, she would’ve hoarded the books she had just to keep them away from them.  

“And now you know about this room,” Astarion continued. “I know it’s our last day before we head out, but given you don’t die out there, just know you’re welcome to come back here whenever you want. If there’s a place you need to study in solace I only ask that you keep the offer in mind. That doesn’t just go for this room but the entire palace as well. I know you don’t love the city but-”

“Are you serious? I can come to read here whenever I want to? I wouldn’t want to intrude on your space. Besides, you just said there were things in here you didn’t want anyone else to handle.” She couldn’t hide her disbelief. Maybe it seemed like a normal gesture coming from anyone else, but she knew Astarion allowing her in this space was a big deal. This room is where he went to get away from everything and he was so causally letting her in.

Astarion’s casual smile softened at her confusion. “Of course I’m serious. I knew you’d appreciate this room more than anyone else I know. I trust you to be respectful of my things. Do you know you tended to be very delicate with your novels when we traveled? If I were worried about you destroying anything you wouldn’t be here.”

Xalena decided to approach him a little closer to see his features properly. His offer made her feel so warm and appreciated. “Thank you. I…I don’t really know what to say. Whenever I’m in the city again this will probably be one of the first places I go.”

“Of course, that’s given you don’t drive me crazy on this trip to Waterdeep,” she teased. 

“I suppose I can keep that in mind,” he rolled his eyes playfully. 

“Can I look around? I want to see if there might be anything in here I’d want to take on our trip,” she inquired carefully. 

He chuckled at the question. “You’re too polite for your own good sometimes. Take anything you want.”

She immediately perked up at his words and smiled widely. She already scouted out some of her favorite fantasy novels while they were talking and she practically ran across the room to get them.

Xalena was so absorbed in her task that she didn’t notice Astarion observing her with one of the most genuine and natural smiles that had ever graced his face. 

Chapter Text

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Why the actual fuck would we do that to ourselves, Astarion?” 

They had barely left the city and the journey to Waterdeep already wasn’t going well. If everything went according to plan, the whole trip would be 25 days. This would be disastrous if they were going to bicker about directions for the entirety of their trek. Normally Xalena was very agreeable, but what Astarion was suggesting was mad.

“I’m just saying it might be fun to venture through the Trollclaws to get to Trade Way. We’re both experts at this, darling, we’d be able to take a few trolls,” Astarion said with a vexing tone.

His carefree attitude made her want to roll her eyes in the back of her head. “For one, it’s going to take us longer to go through the Trollclaws than it would be to just cut eastward through the Field of the Dead. Not to mention the Trollclaws are dangerous and we’d be wasting precious time and resources for a less efficient route.

“And it wouldn’t just be a few trolls. That place is infested with them and they have way better senses of smell than you and I. I’m not going to risk my skin for no reason and nor will you, Vampire Ascendant or not. We’ll be close to more villages and resources if we go through the Field of the Dead. So that’s where we’ll go to get to Trade Way.”

Xalena marched off in the direction of River Chionthar but then turned around to face him again.

“And for the record, I’m the expert in this scenario, not you! Have you even camped outside since you took over the damn city? I’ve been around this continent more than most people you know so just follow me dammit!” Xalena snapped. 

He just smirked at her in response. If she had to guess, he was very proud of himself for getting a rise out of her. 

Xalena gave him her best death glare and without his permission, led them in the direction of the Field of the Dead. 

While the plain used to be littered with nothing but bones from battle, it was now home to many farm fields and a couple of villages they could potentially make a detour at if needed. She had a feeling the posh vampire would like a bed to sleep in. 

What a wonderful start to a month-long journey. Surely this would be the worst of Astarion’s mental torment, right? 

——

The rest of the day was silent between the two. Which was mostly because Xalena decided it would be best to storm ahead of Astarion at all times. Granted, she knew he was letting her get her way and he could easily catch up to her if he wanted to. 

She also wanted to think about what the heck she was going to ask him tonight. There would be many days to ask whatever she wanted and the amount of possibilities almost paralyzed her into action. But as the day was drawing to a close and rest was imminent, she knew she had to come up with something. 

She spied a spot with heavier foliage that would be ideal for camp. She knew she could probably go longer but she didn’t want to push herself too soon into exhaustion after just getting discharged. Dacria made sure to stock her up with various brews to help her stamina which was so sweet of her. The entire kitchen staff also prepared a lovely pack of food that would last her a good long while. 

“I’ll set up camp. What are your plans for dinner?” 

When they last traveled together, she was on the menu. Xalena didn’t feel too inclined to offer tonight or any other night. But that was mostly because she was slightly afraid of the effect his bite had on her body. Now she supposed he could eat whatever the hells he wanted to. It was kind of funny to think he’s never had her cooking before. At the same time, the thought of Astarion judging her food made her nervous. 

“Firstly, I’m perfectly capable of setting up my own tent, dearest. And for my meal, I was planning on going hunting. For old times sake,” Astarion answered.

“If you say so. Make yourself useful then,” she said coldly. 

Between the rustling of tent canvas and poles clicking into place, Astarion broke the silence again. “You’re not still mad at me about my suggestion are you?”

Xalena sighed heavily at the reminder. “Not necessarily. Maybe a little irradiated at your intention to tease me more than anything. A fighter and adventurer of my caliber should be respected, no?” 

“And when have you ever cared about your reputation?” he countered smugly.

Xalena resisted the overwhelming urge to grind her teeth as a result of her frustration. “Since now,” she said curtly. 

“Is calling you by your name too informal for the Hero of Baldur’s Gate then? I’ll be sure to remedy that as soon as possible.”

“Astarion!” Xalena growled in a warning. 

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry. I’ll make sure to take this more seriously. I just wanted to have some fun while I was with you, I thought you’d be amused.” 

He was lying through his teeth for whatever reason but she decided to let it go.

“Your idea of a good time is fucked you know that?” 

“You know how I adore violence, sweetest. But I can think of plenty of other fun things we both might enjoy more.” It was hard to miss his sensual tone that she unfortunately was not immune to by any means. 

Despite her body’s reaction to the implication, Xalena rolled her eyes at him. “Doubtful.” 

Astarion clicked his tongue in disapproval. “You’re all business today, aren’t you? Very well then. I am yours to command. What do you need from me?” 

He was extending an olive branch. Fucking dammit.

“When you’re done setting up, if you could run to get some water from the river I’d appreciate it,” Xalena said hesitantly. 

Astarion graced her with a small grin. Almost as if he was celebrating her reply as a victory. “Whatever you wish, darling.” 

“Thank you,” she said quietly. She knew his vampiric senses would allow him to hear her hesitant gratitude well regardless. 

His smile only grew more devilish when he noticed her pouting. Astarion grabbed the bucket from the camp supplies and he ran off in a dash of supernatural speed.

At least there was one advantage of having a vampire being her chore boy. 

After she finished setting up everything, Xalena began to sort out her cooking supplies to make herself a meal. Back when they were infected with the worm, she was one of the go-to members of the group to make dinner. Frankly, she and Karlach were the only ones who had some semblance of cooking skills. Gale would beg to differ with that opinion. Xalena thought his meals were… average. As for Wyll, Shadowheart, Laezel, and Astarion, they all had odd circumstances that proved to be not conducive to making meals. 

She admired the wide assortment of food that the kitchen staff at the Crimson Palace provided. Many of which had a long shelf life for their journey and she was excited to get to work. Stews and soups were usually her go-to on the road when she had time and tonight was no exception to that. She began to chop up vegetables for a stew that was easy to put together. 

In the midst of her preparations, she felt a cold gust of wind hit the back of her neck and found Astarion standing before her bucket full of water in hand.

“You’re back already?”

Astarion gave her a prideful smirk. “Don’t be so surprised, darling. If anything I’m rather late. I found a bite to eat on the way back. A rather magnificent buck unfortunately crossed paths with me and I couldn’t resist.”

Xalena did not attempt to hide the scoff she made as a result of his arrogance. “I hope I’m not dragging you down too much with my moral speed then. I’m afraid Wild Shaping into a cheetah is the best I’ll be able to do to keep up with you.”

“Running all the way to Waterdeep would be boring compared to the entertainment your company provides, dear. Is there anything else you need from me?”

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Boil the water you just got please.”

—-

“I’ve been curious, what payment will you require this fine night, darling?”

The question brought Xalena out of her focused admiration of the dwindling fire before her. Until now, they were sitting in companionable silence while Xalena ate her meal and Astarion read a book he brought with them. Despite their encounter earlier today, she allowed him to sit beside her with a respectable amount of distance between them. 

“You mean the question I’m going to ask you for our deal?” she asked as she looked over to him curiously. 

“The very same. I have to admit you’re making this rather suspenseful.”

The deal had been apparently weighing on his mind today as well. Excellent. 

“Good, I want to keep it that way.” 

Xalena stretched her arms over her head casually. “For tonight, I’ve decided I want to hear all about how you became Governor of Baldur’s Gate. How the hell did that work? From my understanding, the Council of Four has been around since the fax revolt. I’m not even sure if I know what purpose your position serves.”

Astarion tilted his head to the side in puzzlement. “That’s the question you want to ask? Are you sure? You could look that up in a book if you really wanted to.”

“I’ve decided I’m going easy on you tonight, Mr. Governor. I’m sure the history books don’t tell the full story of what really happened, don’t they?”

“Very well, my dear,” Astarion obliged.  

“You’re not wrong about your hypothesis. Nobody else really knows the full extent of what I did to get to my position. I did become a council member first through my own political influence since there was a seat open.

“However, I was a lot more ambitious back then. Before the sunstone, I was using compulsion on the other council members to get to where I am now. It wasn’t just normal compulsion either. This kind of manipulation changes people’s memories and perceptions according to my will. So when I came up with the idea of being governor I relied on slowly but surely manipulating the other council members to approve the idea.

“The governor's role is essentially the head council seat. A figurehead. I have the ability to overrule any decision the council makes a set number of times a year. It was a way to have sole control over the city but not change the system so drastically that it would cause too much alarm. Like the other council seats, the governor seat is for life. The idea of having a vampire being in a seat of power for as long as they live can be really appealing or horrifying depending on how you spin it. Thankfully, being one of the heroes of Baldur’s Gate improved public perception enough that people didn’t care so much when the role was introduced.

“The other politicians on the other hand, well, let’s just say they found out quickly to anyone who resisted the idea. I created a certain reputation for being cold and cruel in the political world, but I was also intentional in making sure public perception was good enough to keep that power under wraps. Nothing much changed when I found the sunstone.

“As I said before, I’ve remained a brutal vampire lord because I didn’t want people to know about the stone and it was politically advantageous. But I think that’s all there is to tell about that. Is your curiosity sufficiently sated, darling?” 

Xalena hummed in contentment. “Interesting tale, thank you for sharing. Not sure what I was expecting, politics are a bore to me. That bit about your mind-manipulating powers is something though. Is it really permanent?” 

“So long as I exist I believe so. It’s not something I’d want to do again. Not sure if I’d even be able to with the ring anyways.” 

Astarion subtly moved ever so closer to her. Maybe about an arm's length away. “Now, may I ask you a question? If you are so inclined to answer.” 

Xalena stiffened at his nearness. “Depends on the question.” 

“I just want to know what you did the past thirty years. I know killing Mind Flayers isn’t the only thing you’ve been up to.” The way he asked almost seemed… shy. And so unlike Astarion. 

Her gut was telling her to push him away. However, there was always some sense of security she felt with Astarion. Opening herself up was risky because she didn’t want to get hurt again. But maybe she could start slow. Xalena involuntarily bounced her leg from the nerves. 

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to fill you in. The first 2 years after we beat the Elder Brain I wanted to help our companions with their lives. I went with Shadowheart first to help her settle down with her parents. She ended up taking Scratch and the owlbear cub as well. I’ve been visiting all of them throughout the years and they’re doing well.

“Then, I went to help Gale with his studies of Netherese artifacts. We mostly investigated lots of dead ends before I decided to call it quits. I got to stay in Waterdeep here and there which was nice.

”Laezel is all over the place because Vlaakith is relentless. She’s mostly been helping spread the word about Vlaakith among her people, helping Orpheus when she can. Otherwise, I think she’s just been trying to figure out what makes her happy.

“I also got to see Wyll and Karlach in Avernus. I couldn’t stay for long but otherwise, we figured out a way to make long-distance contact with Gale’s help. They seem to be doing well together. I’ve always been happy that they found each other. Karlach didn’t deserve to be alone in Avernus and Wyll is perfect for her.”

She paused for a moment thinking if she wanted to divulge to him the details about the Shadow Cursed Lands. He was a part of the reason why she stayed there as long as she did. Not tonight, she decided. Xalena wasn’t even sure if he really earned the right to hear that yet. 

“Other than visiting our lovely friends, I just decided to travel all over the place. Stayed in Neverwinter doing odd jobs. I even became a pirate for a time around the Moonshae Isles. Just to get out of my comfort zone a bit. Told the crew I joined that I was on the search for a Kraken and they believed me. Very disappointed I couldn’t find one though.”  

Astarion covered his mouth with his hand as he chuckled at the tale she spun. “A pirate? I wouldn’t have guessed you had it in you given how much of a do-gooder you are. Well done.” 

Xalena smiled at his praise. Admittedly, it was a rather silly mental image given how uptight she normally was. 

Astarion turned to directly face her. A predator trapping his prey with a suave expression. “And what about Halsin? You conveniently left him out.” 

Scratch that, the smile on her face disappeared in an instant. Damn. Why was he bringing up Halsin again? Was she really that transparent about her intentions not to tell him anything about that tonight?

There was a part of her that wanted to explain what happened. However, she immediately felt the walls of her mind go up because of his inquiry. The instinct to shield herself prevailed over any want to be open and honest with him. 

“Because it’s not your business. Unlike you, I’m under no obligation to tell you anything,” Xalena deflected.

Astarion clenched his jaw and gave her an assessing look. Suddenly, a cold hand fell on top her hers, his thumb sweeping across the back in a possible attempt to comfort her. 

“I won’t lie to you, love, I want you to trust me. And deep down, I have a feeling that you want that too. You wouldn’t have agreed to travel with me otherwise. You can trust me with this, I’m not here to judge you or anything.”

Xalena met Astarion’s gaze with a look that she hoped would somehow scare him away from talking about this anymore. “I’m not scared of your judgment, Astarion. And don’t act like you have nothing to hide anymore because I know you do. If we didn’t agree to this deal, I’m sure your truths wouldn’t come for free would they?”

Astarion smirked at the accusation. “Wouldn’t they? Darling, you have no idea what I’m willing to do for you. I just wish you were more eager to find out.”

Her breath was trapped in her lungs. His words caused a hot stirring in the pit of her stomach that she hadn’t felt in a long, long time. 

No. No. She can’t be doing this. 

Xalena couldn’t believe she hadn’t realized just how stupid she was for letting her guard down around him. He’s making her feel things that she didn’t deserve to feel. Not after what she helped do to him. She wasn’t ever supposed to see him again in the first place. After all, it was truly a miracle the sunstone had existed in the first place. 

She quickly got up and released her hand from his grasp.

“Goodnight, Astarion,” she announced as she marched off to her tent. 

The longing she felt in her chest would go away. It had to. Otherwise, she was going to be making some very poor choices on this trip. 

Chapter Text

“What’s on your mind?”

She approached Astarion sitting on a rock by the river. They decided to take a short pit stop at camp this afternoon. Right now, the sun was particularly brutal in Rivington. The clear skies were beautiful, but the lack of cloud cover made the heat that much more intense. But he was so content soaking in the sun with his eyes closed. 

They would reach the city soon. But that meant they’d be close to Cazador as well. 

Xalena intentionally avoided talking about the ritual ever since they found out about it from Raphael. It didn’t sit well with her that even the devil himself called the rite diabolical. On the other hand, it seemed as if Astarion was cautiously optimistic. Xalena supposed she couldn’t blame him after all he went through. The tadpole offered him this little slice of freedom and they both knew it wouldn’t last forever. But this ascension ritual was right there for the taking. 

“You’ve been quiet today, you know? I’ll listen but only if you want me to.” 

The sun reflected off his white curls. Despite a vampire’s usually antagonistic relationship with the sun, she always thought the sunbeams complimented him well. It gave him such a radiant glow. 

Astarion finally released a sigh. “Did you know I’ve been dreaming ever since we got infected? Not every night, but I never experienced anything like it before while in a trance.”

“They’re rather jarring, aren’t they? Mine are either terrifying as hell or they’re so crazy I can’t even comprehend them.”

“The one I had last night was the prior it seems,” he said as his expression darkened. “I dreamt that he found us. We tried to fight him but he killed every single one of our companions… and he saved you for last. I just had to stand there as he slowly killed you while you screamed and cried. There was nothing I could do.”

There was a pause. They both looked out towards the glimmering water as they let the weight of that information sink in. 

“It just reminded me how powerless I truly am,” Astarion continued. “But, with the ritual, I’d never have to live in fear again. I realized that I could do this for us. I’d never have to worry that you’d be taken away from me because I wasn’t strong enough. As long as he’s alive, the possibility of losing everything is very real. But I’m starting to think killing him won’t be enough. Taking his place in the ritual, however, will give me the freedom I’ve been looking for.”

After a dream like that, she was certain she would be thinking the same thing. The thought of Astarion dying while she was helpless to do anything made her mentally wince. 

“I’m sorry you had such a bad dream. You should’ve told me earlier!” Xalena scolded as sympathetically as she could. 

“Don’t underestimate yourself so much. I know that’s easier said than done, trust me I never think I’m enough. However, if it’s any consolation, I think you’re enough just as you are. If you don’t want to follow that advice, just know I’ll protect you no matter what. I don’t care how strong Cazador is, I’m going to help you kill that bastard if it’s the last thing I do. But I need to know one thing, will taking his place in the rite really make you happy?”

The lines around Astarion’s eyes tensed. “Nothing would make me happier.”

Xalena nodded, trying to hide the hurt from the implication of those words. “Let’s take one step at a time. We should find your siblings as soon as we can. For now, tell me what you need me to do and I’ll help the best I can, okay?” 

His hardened expression softened. “Thank you, darling.”

“Can I kiss you?” She asked cautiously.

“Can’t get enough? I’m not surprised,” Astarion teased.

“Cocky bastard.”

Xalena leaned in and she gently pressed her lips against his. Normally she would’ve pulled away, but she stayed there asking for more with a sweep of her tongue against his lips. Astarion obliged her request and she sighed in a mix of relief and pleasure. She would always love the feeling of getting lost in each other like this. The sensation of running her fingers through his hair and the feeling of his grip on her hips was nothing short of intoxicating. She wanted to brand her kiss into his lips to remind him that she was here and she was his. That not even Cazador would be enough to tear her apart from him. 

With much effort, she pulled away from him. 

She lovingly gazed into his crimson eyes. “I’m yours,” she whispered. 

A sound akin to a light growl came from Astarion as he tilted her chin upwards with his thumb. “Say that again.”

“I’m yours,” she repeated softly. “And don’t you dare forget it.” 

—

“Why did you ask about Halsin last night?”

Her dream last night reminded her how easy it used to be talking with him. How they had an innate understanding of each other that she thought couldn’t be broken. Nevertheless, here she was, scared out of her boots to ask him the question. 

She had contemplated it all day while they trekked through the Field of the Dead in silence again. Frankly, it was a question she wasn’t sure if she even wanted to know the answer to. However, last night was the second time he’d brought up Halsin since reuniting. She had a feeling he would keep pressing the issue but she was unsure of his intentions behind asking her in the first place. Perhaps if she knew that, she might be more open to giving him the answer he was looking for. 

Astarion seemed to falter at the question. “This the truth you want tonight?”

“Yes.”

Astarion walked over to accompany Xalena on the dead tree trunk she sat on by the campfire. 

“I simply wanted to know what he is to you,” Astarion said hesitantly. “Your reaction to Halsin when we first talked wasn’t what I expected based on my visions of you.

“I know you were in pain Xalena. Deep pain,” Astarion’s normally smooth voice quickly turned more coarse and strained. 

“Even when I didn’t think it possible to feel sorrow as the Vampire Ascendant, I felt the depth of your despair. When I found the sunstone, I realized the pain stemmed from me and the situation I lured you into. But I also know that he made it better. He was there for you and I wasn’t. And I hate that. I hate it more than you can imagine. I asked you that question purely out of jealousy.”

Xalena swore his ruby eyes looked right into her soul with an intensity that made her shiver. “You were mine for a time. It was hard for me to accept that you gave your heart to someone else and I have no one else to blame other than myself. Nonetheless, I was jealous of him anyway. Because he had you and I couldn’t. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Not just for my selfish question, but for everything. I won’t push you to talk about it anymore if you don’t want to.”

It was difficult not to feel the tears welling up in her eyes. He knew that her mental anguish was related to their relationship and the ascension. Lowering those walls around her mind would always be hard. It felt wrong to want to give him this piece of her when he hurt her so badly. But there would be no way for him to understand until she told him. Xalena shut her eyes to fight the wave of sadness that washed over her and she decided to take the leap.  

“I tried to ignore what happened with the rite for those 2 years. Seeing our friends helped me but by the time I got around to seeing Halsin I was so… done. Everything I repressed consumed me inside and out. I had to face the fact that I helped kill all those spawn because I didn’t want you to leave me. I knew if I refused to help you, I would lose you for good. At the time, I selfishly thought you gaining that power would be the lesser of two evils. You would be free and I wanted that for you so much. But you were perfect just as you were Astarion and I’m sorry I didn’t try hard enough to convince you otherwise.”

She didn’t dare to look at Astarion as she said those words. An explanation she held so close to her heart that she never thought it would see the light of day. 

“I mourned our relationship. I mourned the creatures I killed and the guilt was nearly the end of me. But Halsin saw right through everything. He helped me face what I was feeling in a healthy way that wasn’t so overwhelming or draining. So, I lived with him and Jaheira in the Shadow Cursed Lands for 5 years. I healed my mind with Halsin and I worked to restore the land. And yes, Halsin and I had some form of a relationship. Not for long because I wasn’t truly ready for it.

“More importantly, he taught me to face my thoughts in slow steps as I was comfortable. I eventually left the Shadow Cursed Lands to start a more comprehensive healing journey. The first thing I did was find Gur tribes across Faerun. We are the reason Ulma and her tribe are dead and I felt it necessary to repent for killing them and the tribe’s children. So I killed monster after monster and asked for nothing in return. The goal was to help them kill 7000 monsters across the continent. I did that for 10 years.

“After that, I wanted to find where my mom’s druid circle was. I was so young when we left that it was hard to remember where my roots were. I wanted to confront that part of me that I thought I was over with. My parents dying is a wound that never left me. They wanted me to live so I could make this world a better place than when they left it. That’s what my mom said to me before she made me run. It’s why I try my best to do the right thing because if I don’t, it means they both sacrificed themselves for nothing.”

She finally plucked up the courage to tear her eyes away from the fire to Astarion. His eyes were slightly widened, but he gave her a soft and focused expression. She knew he was listening to every word with more devotion than she would’ve expected of anyone. 

“I think it’s a part of the reason why dealing with the ascension was so hard for me too. Because I fucked up so horribly killing all those people. Anyway, Halsin and Jaheira gave me some areas to investigate and I couldn’t find them. Maybe her circle is gone now, I’m not sure. I just wish there was a better way to honor them since I never got to bury them. Finding the place where I grew up maybe would’ve helped with that endeavor. I also tried finding any info on my dad’s life in the Underdark. I didn’t know much about him before that actually. I confirmed he was one of the very few male Lolth sworn clerics. I’d suspected it for a while since he never told me many details about his life there. Unfortunately, that’s all I could find without risking getting captured. Either way, attempting to find out more about both of them helped I think. I’ve been a wandering outlander for so much of my life. At the same time, not long enough to forget I had a life before that too. So, coming face to face with my past was necessary… ”

Xalena took a deep breath as her sorrow threatened to erupt. 

“I won’t lie to you Astarion, I’m still broken on the inside. Three decades have passed and I’m still trying to put myself back together.” Finally, the tears she was trying to suppress glided down her cheeks. 

“So when I don’t answer your questions, just know that I still need time to figure this out. Trusting you again is something I’m trying to reconcile with. You were a completely different person to me 2 weeks ago and now you're… like this. You’ve given me no reason not to at least hear you out. At the same time, my mind is telling me to protect myself from you no matter how good your intentions are.” 

Although her vision was clouded, she saw him reach out towards her face. He kept his arm outstretched, asking for permission to touch her. Xalena stared at him with glassed-over eyes and didn’t move away, granting that permission.  

Astarion slowly rose from his seat and knelt before her. He cupped either side of her cheeks and wiped away the salty droplets that were streaming down her face with his thumbs. The tenderness in his touch made her sob again. But he stayed there, wiping the tears as they came. She didn’t care that she found herself leaning into one of his hands. Between her weeping, she could hear him try to soothe her with comforting shushes. 

As the tears started to subside and her breathing evening out, he finally spoke. “Thank you. I’ve done nothing to deserve the privilege of hearing your pain. What you’ve told me is a gift that I won’t receive without the care it is worthy of. I want you to know that I will do anything to make up for how I’ve hurt you. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever make it up to you no matter what you have me do.”

Although there was a moment of hesitation, Astarion continued. “The whole reason I asked you to join me is because I don’t want you to leave. I knew if I didn’t ask I’d likely never see you again. I stayed away for so long and I couldn’t keep away anymore the moment I saw you. You have every reason to hate me. But I selfishly want you to not hate me regardless. I’ll say outright now that I want you in my life again. I don’t care in what capacity. Hells you can continue to hate me, but I don’t want you to hate me from a distance. I’ll take anything you’ll give me. So if you need space to think, I’d be more than happy to give that to you.” 

Xalena lifted her head so she could look at him. There had been many nights she had wished he would say words like these but she never thought she’d ever see the day when the Ascendant Vampire before her got on his knees and admitted his faults. That softness that he didn’t really have the opportunity to show anyone else at any other point in his life was a gift she would also cherish. Astarion was a well-guarded person too. If anyone knew how hard admitting all this was, it was him. 

She must’ve looked disheveled after crying so much, but he looked at her like she was the most important thing in the world. It was a look she hadn’t seen since before the ritual. Xalena knew what emotion was painted on his face. The prospect of labeling that emotion, however, was too intimidating. 

That aside, she hadn’t fully processed his proximity until now. One of his frigid hands remained on her cheek and that was the only point of contact between the two of them. But his face had gotten so close to hers. Xalena was certain he was able to feel the exhale of her breath on his lips. Just as she felt heat rushing to her face, Astarion’s crimson eyes flickered to her own lips. If he weren't so close she wouldn’t be able to see how his pupils dilated a bit at the sight. He leaned in ever so slightly and Xalena shut her eyes in response. 

However, she must've misread the intentions of his movements because she could feel his shaken words whispering in her ear. “Get some rest, dearest.” 

Astarion withdrew but not before allowing himself to caress her face one last time. It was almost as if the movement pained him but he got up anyway, strolling over to the entrance of his tent. 

Xalena never thought she would be able to get all of that out of her. For the past 30 years, she was convinced the words she told him would die with her. As a result, she wasn’t sure how to feel about it. She supposed that she should be proud of herself, but emotions weren’t a logical thing. The state of her bewilderment lasted long after the fire died out. 

The only conclusion she could come to was that Xalena was absolutely, positively fucked. And it was all the damn vampire’s fault. 

Chapter Text

“I’m telling you, it’s out there somewhere! Whenever this Mind Flayer business ends I think I’ll genuinely try to find one. Did you know there are hardly any reliable books on Krakens? Truly criminal. But I suppose that’s because hardly anyone has seen any in Faerun for nearly a century. I’ll get it one day, mark my words Astarion.”

“Well when you do find one, perhaps you can write a book on the subject. I promise I’ll be the first to buy it if you do.”

A week had passed since starting the journey to Waterdeep. They finally made it through the Field of Dead and they were currently venturing on Trade’s Way which would lead them straight to their destination. Although Xalena felt tremendously awkward the morning after their conversation, things have been relatively light-hearted and casual since then. 

Keeping to his word, Astarion mostly only engaged with her when she initiated a conversation. He always kept a respectful distance when traveling or at camp with her. Today was actually the first day he asked her a question unprompted. Apparently, he was dying to know more about her time as a pirate. The request was so innocent that it was very easy to divulge all the details. The subject was very easy to ramble about due to how unusual the situation was. But Astarion was content to listen. He gave her many handsome smiles when she did so. It was almost too distracting. 

Xalena regularly found herself enjoying his company more and more these days. It all started when she decided to pick his brain regarding what books he was reading. From then on, she found herself wanting to talk to him about anything and everything. Just like old times. 

After the trauma dump she experienced a week ago, she wasn’t too inclined to ask him many serious questions as her payment for the day. She literally asked him yesterday what he ate last night. Although he tried to get her to ask anything else, Astarion eventually obliged her. 

However, she knew she should stop avoiding asking the questions that were truly important. She’s the one who was seeking closure and here she was bottling her emotions up again. Astarion knew it too given his insistence to go harder on him. 

“How unfortunate that I am a terrible writer. I’d never be able to do such a noble subject such as the Kraken justice,” Xalena teased. 

“You’re being modest. I’ve seen your research notes on the Mind Flayers and those are exceptional.”

“Writing research notes and novels are two entirely different things and you know it. I try my best but trust me, it does not come naturally to me. Maybe you can be my test reader then. If it’s truly horrible, then only you’ll know. I hope I can trust the Governor of Baldur’s Gate to keep such a secret?”

“I rather like the sound of that. Besides, I’d rather keep this adorable part of you all to myself,” he said with a sultry tone. 

Xalena rolled her eyes. “Well excuse me that I have an extreme need to learn about one of my biggest fears!”

Astarion’s wolfish grin widened. “See? Adorable.”

“Whatever, it’s your own damn fault that’s your perception of me. But never mind that, do we want to make camp here? We only have a few hours of daylight left.”

“I don’t see why not. I can set up camp, take a break darling,” he said as he started to unpack their supplies. 

She stood there stunned for a moment comprehending what he was doing. They had always set up camp together. There’s no way she’d let him do it by himself. That just wasn’t good camp etiquette at all. It violated everything she was taught to do when on the road with someone else. 

“What do you mean? I don’t need a break, let me help.” Xalena reached for the bag that contained her tent. Before she could get a grasp on it, Astarion held it over his head. He wasn’t too much taller than her, but evidently just tall enough that he could lift the tent out of arm's reach. 

“The dark circles under your eyes suggest otherwise. You were talking in your sleep last night and I heard you get up. Not to mention you’ve been yawning all day. As always, you’re so bad at asking for help when you need it. Rely on me more you stubborn woman.” 

“I help set up camp every day. What the hell am I supposed to do now? You’re throwing me off here.”

He leaned his face in closer to hers, the tent tauntingly so close yet so far. “Do I really have to tell you how to relax darling? Do nothing for 10 minutes or at least until I get the tents set up. If I catch you doing anything other than resting, I’ll find a way to make you relax,” Astarion said with a light purr. “Are we clear?”

The threat made her knees wobble. Why did her weak mind suddenly drift to all the wonderfully torturous methods he’d implemented on her to get her to relax in the past? The sensation of his lips, hands, and tongue against her skin working in tandem to-   

Xalena shut her eyes and shook her head to rid her mind of those images. But it was hard to ignore the way certain parts of her body heated no matter how hard she tried to shut the memories out. She really hoped that Astarion wouldn’t notice. His carnal stare examining her body did not give her much conviction in that hope. 

Xalena cleared her throat in an attempt to hide her rush of desire. “Crystal clear,” she said with false confidence. 

“Glad we’re on the same page,” he said as he pulled back from her and subsequently got to work on her tent. 

Damn him. 

Xalena marched away from camp to plop herself in the nearby meadow she spied eariler. 

Maybe he had a point. Normally, she tried to keep herself occupied until she physically couldn’t anymore, leaving no room for breaks until she fell asleep. After the night terror she experienced last night, however; everything she did today took more energy than she wished. Perhaps she could just close her eyes for a minute. A power nap, nothing more.

The sound of the wind blowing through the collage of grass and flowers and bugs singing their songs was the only thing she registered before unintentionally drifting off into blissful darkness. 

—

A crack of wood from the fire jolted Xalena awake. She was no longer amongst the plants and animals she chose to shut her eyes with. Rather, she was tucked in a bedroll close to the flame of the camp Astarion set up. With daylight being shorter this time of year, the sun had already set and the full moon greeted her in the night sky. 

She looked around the campfire to see Astarion lounging beside her with a book in hand. Xalena thought the light from the fire made his normally pale appearance more colorful, especially the way his hair glowed orange. 

Somehow knowing that she was gawking at him he let out a soft chuckle. “Good evening, sleeping beauty,” he said without looking up from his novel.

Xalena groaned still feeling the weight of her fatigue. “How long was I out for?”

“An hour or so? I tried to wake you up when the sun went down but you didn’t budge. You looked cold so I ever so kindly moved you back. You can thank me any time darling.”

Astarion dramatically snapped his book shut and rose from the forest floor. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m positively famished. See you later, sweetest.” 

“Wait!” Xalena found herself attempting to stop him before she could fully comprehend what she was doing. She had practically jumped out of her bedroll to catch up with him. 

Astarion looked at her in puzzlement. “Yes, love?”

She had a plan for tonight. One she had nearly forgotten about until he alluded to his dinner this evening. Admittedly, she didn’t think about what would happen if she got this far. Maybe this was a stupid idea after all. 

“Nevermind… carry on. I hope you find something appetizing tonight.” 

He scoffed at her pathetic deflection. “Little liar. Out with it darling.” 

“Okay fine,” she said with embarrassment. “I have a request. You can say no, but I was wondering if it would be okay if I could go hunting with you tonight. I don’t have a whole lot in the way of meat and I thought hunting with you might make things go faster.” Xalena turned her attention to the dirt beneath her feet because that was clearly more important than the beautiful predator before her. 

She didn’t mean to come off as shy as she did. She had to admit, it wasn’t entirely an honest request. She could hunt in Wild Shape all by herself easily enough. Despite that, she greedily found herself wanting to enjoy his presence more before she ruined the night by asking something rather heavy. Xalena was also very curious to see how a vampire hunted. She always wondered how exactly Astarion went about getting his food since she never saw it happen. 

She caught the way his eyes widened a bit before recomposing himself to his usual smug expression. “I have no opposition to you hunting with me. Are you going to be able to keep up? You just woke up.”

“I think we both know that even if I was fully awake I wouldn’t be able to keep up with you. I have a trick that will help though.”

She channeled the energy of tooth and claw that lived inside her and in the creatures that dwelled here. In a burst of golden light, her skin became midnight-black fur, her teeth and nails becoming razor-sharp as she fully transformed into a panther. This was the form she typically used for hunting given the creature’s ability to blend in with its surroundings. With her advanced night vision, she looked up at Astarion’s face glimmering with amusement. 

“Aren’t you a good little kitty,” he goaded.

Xalena let out a loud growl in warning, making sure to show that her canines were now longer than his.  

Astarion had the audacity to laugh at the feline she transformed into. “So endearing. I’m afraid that just makes me want to pet you even more, darling. Maybe I’ll reward you after we get a catch.”

Astarion nonchalantly sauntered into the clearing of the woods before she could get the chance to throw a warning sipe at him. 

He was really something else. 

And with that, the panther stalked after the vampire. 

—- 

The scent of blood that filled the air was not nearly enticing enough. While Astarion was still on the lookout for some bigger prey, Xalena had hunted a couple of rabbits that were limply hanging in her mouth. He thought it curious how she could hold them with such gentleness when her fangs were so sharp. She wasn’t supposed to look so cute.

Astarion struggled to resist stroking the head of the panther beside him. 

All things considered, his interactions with Xalena had been going… well? Although he didn’t want to get ahead of himself, he was surprised at how willing she was to be around him after the conversation they had. She was rather shy and quiet at first but slowly started to gain more confidence as they talked about completely harmless things. Even now, she had shown an eagerness to stay in his company. Unexpected but far from unwelcomed. 

He cherished that time with her. He only wished he had more of it. There would be no guarantee she would stick around outside of the time they had together while moving towards Waterdeep. It seemed like just yesterday when he tried to convince her to go through the Trollclaws just so they would spend one more day together on this journey. 

While things were going well, Astarion knew she was holding back. Not a single serious question was asked since that conversation just under a week ago. He tried persuading her otherwise, but it was probably safe to assume that she needed the mental break after all she told him. It was supposed to be him showing her that vulnerability. Instead, it was Xalena who revealed the burdens that she clearly kept so buried in her mind. She didn’t need to say anything about what she experienced, but she trusted him enough to do so anyway. He didn’t do anything to deserve that honesty. 

He counted himself lucky that he was able to even get this far with her. There had even been days where he dared to think it was possible that they could work towards something more than friendship. Those thoughts had been made worse by the fact that Astarion was painfully aware of the effect he had on her body. His senses amplified her racing pulse, the blush of her cheeks, and her delicious smell whenever he was near her. He fought every instinct he had to claim her as his and possess her until she could think of nobody else. At night, he was plagued by the intimate moments they’d shared together the past few weeks. Every brush of their skin was imprinted in his memory for good, he was utterly undone by it. On particularly bad nights, it was difficult not to recall the images of her body writhing beneath him covered in sanguine love bites. He wanted to flood every particle of his being with her essence if she let him. 

However, the body and the mind didn’t always align with one another. He knew that better than most during his time as a spawn. As lovely as those reactions were, he wouldn’t take any of them as consent, prior relationship or not. 

For now, he was more than content to let her make the first move in any interaction they had. After all, it’s in a vampire’s nature to be patient. At the same time, when she was involved, that notion seemed to fly out the window. Astarion supposed that everything regarding Xalena was abnormal. From the moment they met, he never knew what to expect when he was with her. 

A subtle crunch of leaves brought Astarion out of his musings. The panther next to him stilled at the sound. As they watched behind the cover of nearby foliage, a mountain lion came into view just outside the tree line. 

Those predatory yellow eyes gave him a look in question and Astarion nodded his head in confirmation. Within a blink of an eye, she disappeared, blending into the forest night. 

The cat didn’t even stand a chance between the two of them. Xalena struck first from behind, digging her honed claws and teeth into its backside. It didn’t even get the chance to react to Xalena before Astarion thrust his short sword into one of its eyes. The life of the mountain lion very quickly drained from its body. 

As Astarion fed, Xalena stayed in panther form silently circling around his prey. Almost as if she was watching for any incoming threats in his state of vulnerability. While this was a compromising situation, he found it adorable that she felt the need to protect the Vampire Ascendant of Faerun from any harm. 

When the lifeblood of the mountain lion completely drained, Astarion strolled over to his feline companion. 

“Good work kitten, maybe you should hunt with me more often.” 

Not being able to resist the opportunity, he reached his hand out to her to pat the top of her head. In a flash, her mouth was closed around his outstretched hand. He could have easily moved his hand out of the way in time, but he decided to take his punishment. She didn’t bite down, but he could certainly feel the sharp points of her canines. A dark and toxic part of him briefly thought how lovely she would look with elongated canines in her half-elf form, with matching red eyes of course. The guttural, angry growling sound that came from her snapped him out of it. 

He clicked his tongue in disappointment. “Well, this isn’t very nice. Do you not like that nickname, kitten?” Astarion taunted. 

The jest was met by her jaws applying just a little more pressure, nearly enough to break skin. One of the many talents he mastered was getting under Xalena’s skin it seemed. 

He couldn’t help but laugh at her reaction. “Ugh, you’re no fun darling. I’ll play nice tonight, I promise.” 

Those threatening eyes narrowed slightly at him before deciding to let go. The panther gave him what could only be described as a downright pissed-off expression as she faded into darkness towards camp without him. 

She was too fun to be around. If his heart could beat, Astarion thought it would be skipping with joy. 

—-

“It’s about that time again, dear. What would you like to ask me tonight? Are you going to inquire about my favorite color this time?” 

Xalena, now back in half-elf form, had hardly touched the rabbit stew she cooked. Brewing over the question in her head tragically translated to her appetite disappearing. Nonetheless, she briefly smiled at his attempt to lighten her mood. 

“Nothing as serious as that,”  Xalena teased back. 

She took a deep breath before asking the question. “Joking aside, I want to know if you regret taking Cazador’s place in the ritual. You might not even have an answer for that, but I would like to know your thoughts.” 

She knew it was a difficult question. She had been dreading ruining the peace they had created the past week. However, she knew it wouldn’t be possible to get the closure she needed without that happening. 

Astarion gazed into the fire for a moment contemplating his answer. He looked back at her again when he arrived at his response. 

“I won’t lie to you, ascending has its perks. It’s why I was so blinded by the prospect of it in the first place. I can walk in the sun again, I’m practically invulnerable, and I can use this power however I want. I bow to nobody, not anymore. And I thought for a time those things would be worth it. That being said, knowing what I know now, I’d like to think I’d try to talk myself out of it if I could.

“I regret killing all those spawn, how I treated you, and how I manipulated and harmed everyone around me before the sunstone. Even now, I still reap the benefits from my actions and I should pay for it.

“But I think what I regret the most is that I didn’t listen to you. No matter what you think, there was nothing more that you could’ve done. You tried telling me it was wrong to kill the spawn, that I was good enough. I had told you many times that taking his place in the ritual would make me happy, but I lied to you Xalena. I had no idea if completing the rite would truly make me happy or not. I was obsessed with getting revenge on Cazador by stealing his life’s work. But I think I mistook that need for retribution as happiness. I came up with excuse after excuse to rationalize that obsession. Despite your reassurances, I felt like you’d never be safe with me unless I completed the ritual. I thought you deserved someone better than a weak vampire spawn who wouldn’t even be able to walk in the sun without a worm in his head. I never had anyone to protect me before, so it felt wrong to put you in harm's way for my sake. It’s not your fault I let that insecurity justify my actions.”

It wasn’t her fault. The phrase echoed in her mind. It was a phrase that her friends told her constantly since their journey ended. She never believed them. 

“I was the one who was unable to look past the power the ritual offered even though I knew it would consume me. When all was said and done, I was the one who decided that refusing that power wouldn’t offer me the freedom I craved. I wanted to be just like Cazador. I let myself repeat that cycle of power despite living the consequences of it for 200 years because it felt right . As I stood before him, it felt like I was finally getting the justice that was owed to me after centuries of suffering. I think I was so far gone that you wouldn’t have been able to say anything to me that would’ve changed my mind.

“I’m not sure what would’ve happened if you didn’t help me complete the rite, but I know I would’ve been upset with you. It would’ve seemed like you were robbing my chance of freedom and safety from me. So don’t blame yourself for not trying hard enough to stop me or whatever falsehood you tell yourself. You did it because you loved me and I then discarded you like you were nothing after refusing to become a slave to me…” 

Long ago, Xalena came to accept the fact that she wasn’t fully at fault but she wasn’t entirely blameless either. After all, she still participated in the murder of thousands. But hearing him say that there was nothing more she could’ve done lifted something from her heart. Unlike herself, Astarion didn’t resent her for not trying hard enough. There were probably a thousand ways she could’ve approached things differently back then, but he was telling her that what she did was enough, even if the outcome wasn’t what she’d hoped for. 

“Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I did listen to you. What kind of life we could’ve had together.” His voice turned hoarse, so unlike the suave vampire she knew him to be. “But I think at a certain point there’s only so much regret I can have. I made my choice and you made yours. And now, we have to live with those choices. By some miracle, maybe we have a second chance at resolving the consequences of my actions,” he said while admiring his ring. 

Tears threatened to make an appearance again, but she was able to hold them in this time. It was surprising that she had tears left to cry since reuniting with him. “I would’ve helped you find a way to walk in the sun again,” she admitted. “That’s what I wanted to do after we beat the Elder Brain.”

A flash of surprise appeared on his face. “Y-you think it’s possible?” He finally asked. “Well, I suppose if I learned anything from my time with you, it’s that you make the impossible seem easy. You really would’ve done that for me?” 

To her the answer was obvious. His shock at her admission was curious. It was almost like he still couldn’t believe someone would go so far for him without asking for anything in return. 

“It certainly wouldn’t have been easy. I was prepared to search for a solution for the rest of my life if that’s what it took. You know how badly I wanted to help give you your freedom. I planned it out in my head in case you decided not to complete the ritual. But like you said, we made our choices,” she said.  

“You… you were too good for me back then and you still are now. Thank you for telling me that, it means more than you know.” 

She was unsure how to acknowledge that. In her mind, she was just trying her best to be there for him. “Don’t mention it. Most would’ve done the same in my position.”

Astarion chuckled. “That’s where you are horribly wrong. Nobody ever looked out for me. You’re the only one. Nobody has a heart like you. I’m afraid you are the exception darling, not the rule.”

“I’m not so sure. I hoped you discovered at this point that if you care for others, they’ll care for you back,” Xalena countered.

Astarion lightly scoffed at her. “You’re selling yourself short. Even after 30 years, I can’t say I’ve met anyone quite like you. And at this point, I know I’ve met more people than you have because it’s literally my job. On the other hand, you avoid any and all social interaction whenever you can.”

She hummed in confirmation. “You’re not wrong. How I became the de facto leader of the group is beyond me. To be fair, you hate social interaction nearly as much as I do. I have no idea how you do your job, it sounds like my worst nightmare.” 

“I’ll admit it was much easier when my lust for control and power were the only things that mattered to me. For what it’s worth you were a good leader. Everyone liked how much of a do-gooder you were. While I don't share that sentiment, at least you rarely handed out favors for free.”

“Keeping everyone happy in that group was my greatest challenge I think. Especially with you around,” Xalena jested.

“Now why would you say that darling? You wound me. When have I ever given you a hard time about anything?” Astarion said laced heavily with sarcasm.

“Well for starters you kind of hated me when we first met. At least you came around eventually after trying to manipulate me into a tactical alliance.”

“While that is not entirely inaccurate, I prefer to remember it as an enemies-to-lovers situation,” he said with causal smugness. 

She found herself bursting with laughter at the comment. “You’re lucky that is my favorite romance trope. That was a horrible joke otherwise.”

That wolfish grin made an appearance again on his expression. “But you’re still laughing nonetheless. How horrible could it be?”

Xalena stretched out her arms as she came down from the mirth of her giggling and rose from her seat at the campfire. “I think I’ve had enough emotional turmoil for today. In all seriousness, thank you for talking with me.”

“I am a male of my word darling. No thanks is needed for taking what is owed to you.”

For a moment, a charged stare flickered between them. Was it bad that she wanted one last look at that gorgeous face before they went their separate ways for the night? Yes, it undoubtedly was. But she couldn’t find the willpower to tear away from those piercing red eyes no matter how bad it was for her heart. 

“Would you like to take first watch?” Xalena asked shyly. 

Astarion blinked and refocused his eyes on her. “Apologies, what did you say darling?”

“I wanted to know if you wanted to take first watch. I can do it too if you don’t want to.”

Astarion shook his head in refusal. “No, get some rest. I’ll wake you when I need a break.”

Xalena nodded back. “Goodnight Astarion.”

“Goodnight Xalena dear.”

She forced herself to retreat to her tent but not before she found herself glancing in his direction when she opened the canvas door. He was still looking at her, unashamed and without restraint. Xalena swore she still felt his stare well after she laid down to fall asleep. Maybe he could see through walls and she just didn’t know about it. She didn’t find herself being repulsed by the idea even if that was the case. Because somehow that meant she had enraptured one of the most dangerous creatures in Faerun into keeping her safe.

Chapter Text

With a feeling of dread and caution she had never felt before with him, Xalena approached Astarion. "Can we talk?”

“I suppose I can spare some time for the person who has aided so greatly in my conquest,” he said giving her a cold and assessing look. 

She had hardly any idea where to begin with what happened the night prior. She had made a choice that would literally change her life forever and he cast her aside as if she was nothing to him. Like everything they had ever shared didn’t exist. “Did you really mean what you said? That it was a pity and a waste that I didn’t become your spawn.”

Astarion glared at her with venom so toxic it threatened to kill her. “Why wouldn’t I? You could’ve had it all. The world would’ve knelt before us united. And you had the audacity to say no. I do give you credit though, I never thought you’d have it in you to say that to me.”

“You left me with very little choice in the matter,” she said weakly. 

Astarion smugly smirked. “I have everything I ever dreamed of now. From the Crimson Palace, I will govern day and night. I will create a city of spawn who will bow before me. I will learn to call on my legions of wolves, become a sea of mist, and run wrong side up on top of roofs. Everything that vampires do best. And you could have too. So trust me, I don’t need someone as pathetic and undeserving as you in my future endeavors. If anything, I can’t help but see now just how much of a waste of time you’ve been.”

Waste of time. 

Every conversation, touch, and emotion they had shared was a waste of time. 

Astarion has said he loved her all of two times. And both of them were lies. Before the ritual, she hoped that he genuinely loved her. But he never got the chance to truly say it. And now he never would. 

“But the palace halls will be empty. You won’t have anything at all. Not anything that truly matters,” she said with all the willpower she could muster. 

Without hesitation, he laughed at her with villainous intent. “You’ll be lonelier than I. I can take anything I want. I should’ve made you a spawn just to teach you that.”

Xalena couldn’t ever recall a time when she was genuinely afraid of Astarion. But the way he looked at her now was nothing short of wicked and nefarious. She had no doubt that he wasn’t making empty threats. 

At this point, all she could do was stand her ground. It was all over anyway. No going back. “I loved you, Astarion. I think I see now that you’ll never understand what is being lost between us.” 

She never got the chance to tell him she loved before before the ascension. She said it the first time begging him not to leave her when she didn’t want to be his spawn. Amidst all the things with Cazador and them just trying to figure out what they wanted their relationship to be, she wanted to wait until they were ready. She supposed it didn’t matter now. 

“Love?” He spat on the word as if it was the most vile thing he had ever known. “I understand love all too well. The greatest crimes in the world are committed for love. And you’re no exception to that. I would’ve ruined your love. Used your trust until you were nothing.”

His admission was nothing short of chilling. She felt as if someone dumped a cold bucket of water on her. 

“So you admit it? I would’ve just been a piece of furniture to you? Plaything? Puppet? All the above? I didn’t want it to be true, but I am glad I listened to my instincts. If that’s the case, I truly have no regret over rejecting your offer.” 

He let out a dark chuckle. “I beg to differ. You will regret leaving me. More than anything you live to regret.”

Fuck this. Fuck him.

Xalena gritted her teeth in anger. As proudly as she could she looked at those blood-red eyes for the last time. “Are you happy now that you’ve become the monster you sought to destroy, Astarion? I certainly hope so considering the 7000 souls you’ve sacrificed. I couldn't care less what you decide to do now. Stay and help us beat the Elder Brain or leave. I don’t want to speak to you ever again regardless of what you choose.”

She decided from then on, she would make it her mission in life to never, ever regret leaving him. If he could abandon their time together so easily, Xalena would damn well try to do the same. 

But as she walked away from his room in The Elfsong Tavern, her surroundings all of sudden shifted. She felt cold metal digging into her wrists. Her mouth gagged as she lay down chained in Cazador’s dungeon. She tried to pull away and free herself of the restraints, but the chains stayed no matter what she did. Her wrists started to bleed from her efforts as her skin turned raw. 

Worst of all, he was there crouched before her. With force she didn’t know was possible for someone to have, he yanked her hair up so she could so his malicious expression. 

He smirked like the devil before sinking his fangs into her neck. That cold, cold sensation spread through her and it didn’t go away. She felt herself slowly slipping away. She knew he had every intention of draining her dry. He bit into her neck harder as she went down, down, down-

—

Xalena woke up screaming. She scrambled to get a grip on her surroundings. She reached for a dagger, anything to get him off of her. He was killing her, making her his spawn- 

As she looked around she realized Astarion wasn’t there latched onto her neck draining her lifeblood. The fear she felt caused her breathing to quicken, her body trembling at the horrible images that looked and felt too real. 

Xalena jolted at the sound of her tent opening. 

“Are you okay, my dear?” Astarion innocently lowered himself in front of her. 

In her panicked state, she pointed the tip of the dagger she now clutched at the base of his throat without hesitation. 

Astarion didn’t attempt to hide his surprise as his eyes widened, examining the situation.

“Stay away,” she said through labored breathing. 

He didn’t budge. An impenetrable wall that made the threat unless.

Her dominant arm shook. He didn’t seem to care that the tip of the blade was now so dangerously close to penetrating skin. 

“Stay away,” she repeated, tears now streaming down her face. 

“I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe. You were asleep. What you saw wasn’t real,” he said with tender calm. 

He slowly lifted his right hand and showed her the dancing flames that lived on his middle finger. “Look at this. Do you know what this ring means? It means that as long as I have this with me, I will never hurt you. Never again, Xalena.” 

She was transfixed by the ring. Her breathing slowed down unconsciously as she watched the flames collide with one another. She felt her grip on the dagger loosen.

Astarion slowly moved his other hand to her wrist that was holding the blade. He gently wrapped his fingers around it, his thumb slowly stroking her skin. “Please, let go, darling. It’s okay.”

She fought through her terror to really look at him again. Xalena realized this wasn’t the same vampire who had every intention of making her suffer. There was not a hint of malice in his expression. Rather, there was a softness she had convinced herself she’d never seen again. What was she doing? 

She suddenly let the dagger go, its metal clinking onto the ground. She sobbed as her mind was catching up with her body. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried. She kept repeating her apology to him over and over and over again. She covered her face with her hands trying to hide her tear-stained face. She wanted to hurt him… she thought he was going to kill her. Astarion had done nothing wrong and she had every intention to slit his throat. 

Xalena didn’t even think as she buried her face into his shoulder. She felt Astarion go rigid for a second at her movement. Slowly, he relaxed and closed his arms around her. A cold hand moved up and down her back in slow motions.

“I’m sorry,” she said again after losing count of how many times she had already repeated it. 

“Stop apologizing, love. You don’t need to. You can’t hurt me, Xalena. I don’t know what you saw, but I know you were just trying to defend yourself. You’re safe and I’m safe too. No harm done.” 

She gripped his nightshirt tightly as her mental anguish continued to wash over her. 

She didn’t know how long she stayed, leaning her face into his body as she wept. But Astarion never budged. She must’ve cried until her body physically couldn’t take it anymore since all she could feel was a drifting sensation that led to darkness. 

—-

They didn’t get very far today. 

Xalena woke up late. Very late. And they both knew exactly why. Even with her puffy, reddened eyes, she scolded him for not waking her up. Astarion, the lying bastard, just shrugged it off saying that he forgot. 

To his credit, he gave her the mercy of acting like her nightmare never happened. But Xalena couldn’t forget. The words he said in the dream kept replaying in her mind throughout the day.

Waste of time. 

Pathetic. 

Undeserving.

There was also the image of him biting into her neck. And it was not like those bites he used to give her in the middle of the night after she granted him permission to do so. The image she saw was purely selfish and cruel as he drank and drank from her uncaring if she came back or not. 

Just when she thought she was moving on, this happened. It was like her mind never wanted her to forget who he truly was behind that stone. It was confusing to have these two sides of him that coexisted with one another. While the Ascendant Vampire was dormant thanks to the sunstone, he still existed. 

Xalena realized while she had properly reconciled with the Astarion of the past, she had not faced the person he became after the ritual. Not truly. Yes, he did apologize for how he behaved and explained how he got to where he is now, but she knew there was more work to be done.

She needed to understand what kind of creature the Vampire Ascendant was. Understand that side of him that caused her so much pain, that was still causing her pain. She needed to face both sides of him or else she couldn’t have him in her life. She wanted to trust him again fully, but this would have to happen first. No matter how hard it would be to hear, she had to ask why he had hated her so much back then. 

“We can’t genuinely face our fears without intimately getting to know them first,” Halsin’s words echoed in her mind. 

So, she would demand this of him later tonight. She would learn about this vampire inside and out. No stone left unturned. While the prospect was still daunting, she knew this was what her heart and her mind needed to move forward. 

——

Xalena wasted no time today with her question. It was an assertive and undeniable request. “What did you think of me after I left? Before the sunstone. You said that you had a burning hatred for me. What does that mean?” 

What she didn’t expect however was the look on Astarion’s face when she inquired about this. It was desperation and denial. “Please don’t make me answer that. I’ll answer anything else, just not this. Please, Xalena.” 

Astarion was never one to beg. Whenever he said the word please it always gave her pause. Her mind briefly flickered to when he first tried to drink her blood all those decades ago. 

Xalena shook her head. “No. This is what I want to know. You know this is well within my rights to ask.” 

Astarion stiffened, visibly turning inwards on himself. 

“Why do you need to know?” He asked with something like sadness in his voice. 

While she knew she didn’t need to justify herself to him, the question clearly caused him distress. So, she decided to share her sorrow first. “I spent 30 years in agony when I left you. And now, the Vampire Ascendant I once knew isn’t who you are anymore. I feel like I have emotional whiplash trying to comprehend this change I never knew could be possible. I need to know that I endured that pain for a reason. If you truly wanted to do horrible things to me, I’ll know that pain was real and justified. I need to face both sides of you. The good and the bad. If you want me to have you in your life again, I need to know, Astarion. A part of me is still horrified of you, do you want that? But if you can explain to me what you felt, I may fear you less. I don’t want something like this morning to happen again.” 

Although shame and hesitation were written all over his face, he took a seat right next to her. 

“I hated you for many reasons. I hated you for leaving me. I hated you because you were ungrateful. I hated you because I offered you the world and you walked away. No matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I hated you because you were the one thing I wanted and couldn’t have.”

Astarion sighed deeply before talking again. “But do you know why I really hated you, Xalena? Because I couldn’t make any spawn.”

Not knowing how to respond, she blinked at him in confusion. “What do you mean by that?”

“After the ritual, I tried to make the army of spawn I fantasized about, but I couldn’t. Everyone’s blood tasted rotten, revolting, and rank. All I could think about was how much better it would taste if they were you instead. No matter how many times I tried to drink someone’s blood to exsanguinate them, I could never force myself to keep drinking. I would try biting them and then draining them some other way, but that didn’t work either. I even tried giving some of them my blood and not a single victim came back. I still don’t know why.

“But at the time, I blamed you for it. I was supposed to take anything I wanted and I couldn’t even complete the simple task that every true vampire was supposed to do; making spawn that would bow to my every whim. And it was all your fault. I thought if you would’ve just let me bite you back then, I would’ve been able to get what I wanted.”

So this was why she didn’t see any vampire spawn in the Crimson Palace. It was something she meant to ask, but this was not how she expected he would bring this up. 

“When I felt your despair through the remaining tadpole connection, I thought you deserved it. I was satisfied that you were suffering because I blamed you for my problem. I even fantasized about ways I could create more pain for you if you ever came back to me. I would’ve bitten you and made you my undead servant. Make you do unspeakable things just so you would suffer more. Make you pay for your decision to leave for an eternity. And I hate myself all the more for it. I became the one person I despised the most and it felt like the most natural thing in the world,” he said with a strained voice full of degradation. 

“When I found the ring, I wept thinking about you. How I ruined everything we had. About the thoughts I had about hurting you more. I mourned you more than you could ever know. The moment I was able to, I tried to find you. When I told you about the ring, I said that I decided it was best that I stayed away from you. That wasn’t a lie, but I wanted to let you know so desperately about the ring as soon as I found it. That I had changed. I wanted to get on my knees and beg you for forgiveness so badly Xalena. And I almost did. But when I found you, you were with Halsin. And you looked happy. I didn’t feel right to tear that away from you. Not after knowing about all the hardship and pain you went through.”

Surprise rippled through her. When Xalena first found out about the sunstone, she found herself disappointed that he didn’t want her to find out about it. But now he was telling her that it was the exact opposite. He did want to tell her. So much so that he went out to find her. Xalena didn’t know whether to feel touched or saddened at his confession. 

He mourned their relationship just like she did. Some part of her found some relief in that. To her, it meant that he cared enough to mourn what they had in the first place. 

“I also soon realized that the ascendant power still lingered and had some control over me. I was so fucking scared that I would hurt you. Especially after the hateful thoughts I had of you those first 3 years. I didn’t want to risk losing you all over again. With the sunstone, I didn’t think I’d be able to bear seeing your heartbreak because of me again. So I left and I resigned myself from the idea of ever seeing you again. No matter how much it pained me, I was content with letting you think I was the same vampire as you left me as. Leaving you alone was supposed to be my punishment.

“But then I felt you dying that day and I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I let you perish like that,” he said with a raspy tone.

“I meant what I said when I told you that I couldn’t stay away from you the moment I saw you. As soon as I held you again, I selfishly didn’t want to inflict that punishment on myself anymore. I knew I wanted to try like hell to get you to trust me again. At the same time, I’m still terrified I’m going to lose control and hurt you one day. I’m one of the most dangerous people you can be around Xalena. As much as I hate the thought, there is no guarantee that the power of the stone is everlasting. I can only promise you that I will never harm you so long as I have control to do so. I didn’t want to tell you all this because I’m ashamed of the thoughts I had and I thought it might push you further away from me. But I also wouldn’t blame you if you decided to part ways with me. What you decide to do with this information is up to you. I hope it provides more clarity rather than harm.” 

His gaze on her softened. “I think you know by now that I hope you don’t leave. I don’t deserve to be in your presence after what I did to you. But I want you to stay anyways.”

Deep down, she thought that she didn’t deserve this either. However, she found herself wanting to do this for herself regardless.

Xalena knelt in front of him and held out her hands. Astarion examined them and tentatively laced his fingers with hers. She gave them a squeeze out of nervousness. And he squeezed back. “I think there’s a part of me that will always be a little afraid after what we went through. There’s another part of me that trusts you so innately that I don’t even have to think about it. I think I find the latter half of those two parts is winning these days. I trust you Astarion. As long as you’re willing to have a broken person like me around, I want to stay. I still need time to figure things out, but I know for sure now that I don’t want to leave. No matter how dangerous you think yourself to be, I think I’m capable of handling a little danger, don’t you think?” Despite the heavy conversation, she tried her best to give him a playful, wicked grin. 

He chuckled at her comment. “I shouldn’t have ever doubted that Hero of Baldur’s Gate would be up for the challenge.”

Astarion beheld her for a minute with an intensity that was so tender that it made her melt. 

“Can I hold you?” He suddenly asked.

Words eluded her but she nodded at his request. 

His arms snaked around her waist as he rested his chin right over her shoulder. Her own arms wrapped around his neck and she leaned in his touch. Xalena took in a sharp inhale trying to capture the scent of home that she so dearly missed. She heard Astarion doing the same thing. She couldn’t say she smelt nearly as good as him, but he seemed to enjoy her scent of lavender and vanilla as he hummed in contentment. 

His grip on her tightened ever so slightly, beckoning her to come closer to him. Xalena shifted toward him even more, their chests grazing against each other in a way that felt more soothing rather than sensual. She sighed at the sensation, releasing all the stress, anxiety, and doubt she felt regarding herself and Astarion. 

She pulled her face away from the muscled shoulder she leaned on and Astarion did the same. They just looked at each other for a while. She unabashedly took in every detail of his face, a luxury she didn’t normally have without being this close to him. Her eyes landed on those perfect, perfect lips of his. A wave of boldness, perhaps sent to her by the gods, washed over her.

Xalena looked back into his lovely crimson eyes again. “Can I kiss you?”

The world seemed to pause for a moment as Astarion’s breath hitched. A breath that his undead body didn’t need to take. 

“Yes,” he said with profound relief in his voice. 

Xalena slowly leaned in to brush her lips against his. It was a chaste, gentle kiss. Not one of endless passion and pleasure, but something to convey that she cared for him. As much as lingering there for much longer and getting lost with him sounded appetizing, she wasn’t ready yet. But the quick caress of their lips seemed to be more than enough for the both of them. 

As she pulled back she found Astarion smiling broadly at her. One of his magnificent smiles that he so rarely showed anyone. Back then, she liked to think they were reserved just for her. She felt her face warming at the sight. “This is all I’m able to give you tonight,” she said shyly, that boldness suddenly dissipating. 

Astarion nodded in understanding. One of his hands slowly moved up to cup her cheek. “Anything you give me, I will happily accept. I don’t expect anything from you. As long as you feel safe and happy, that’s all I care about.”

The statement almost made her want to kiss him all over again. They still had about a week left before they got to Waterdeep. There was time to figure it out. Even after this adventure was over, she was starting to feel certain there would be time after that too.

“Thank you.”

“On the contrary, you’re the one who needs my gratitude. Your trust is a gift you know. I won’t ever take it for granted again. Thank you.”

With hesitation, they both slowly started to untangle themselves from each other. 

Well after they exchanged goodnights, Xalena found it remarkably easier to fall asleep that night. Maybe it was because she was finally able to admit to herself that she deeply cared for Astarion. She was also truly unable to ignore the fact that Astarion cared for her too. 

Chapter Text

The journey to Waterdeep would soon come to a close. By Xalena’s estimations, they would make it to the city in 4 days where they would meet up with Gale at his wizard tower. 

Things between herself and Astarion could only be described as slow. It had only been 3 days since she kissed him and she had yet to do it again. She hadn’t conjured up the courage to ask him. The first day, she hadn’t touched him at all and avoided his eyes whenever she could out of pure embarrassment of what happened the night before. Yesterday, she shyly asked him if he wanted to hold hands as they walked together. She worked herself up so much expecting rejection that his agreement to her request was surprising. In hindsight, maybe ripping off the metaphorical bandage is what she needed to gain some confidence. That same night, she asked to rest her head on his lap as they read together. She would never admit to him that she hardly got any reading done at all when he continuously twisted loose pieces of her hair in his fingers. Whether he noticed her reaction as he continued to read, she had no idea. 

Today was full of casual lingering touches between the two of them. A brush of their hands as they exchanged equipment, his chin resting on her shoulder as he looked at the map she held out, moving her fingers into his white curls to move away a leaf that got stuck in his hair. Every excuse they could to create some form of contact, they took it. 

Her touches were very hesitant at first. Back then, Astarion wasn’t used to causal intimacy. It was something she worked to slowly introduce into their relationship only with his explicit consent. 

Now, it seemed like he enjoyed it when she engaged him like this. At the same time, she was still worried that he didn’t actually want this. She cursed herself for not talking about this with him sooner. She would feel truly horrible if he felt like he couldn’t say no.

“Astarion?” Xalena called out sheepishly. 

The pale elf, who was now strutting ahead of her, turned around at the sound of his name.“Yes, darling?”

Xalena’s eyes drifted to her feet as worry filled her body. “Are you okay with me touching you?” She blurted out. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or like you can’t express that you don’t like something I’m doing. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you sooner, I-”

“I’m going to stop you right there, little love,” Astarion interrupted. He advanced toward her with confidence in his gait.   

Xalena opened her mouth to counter, but Astarion held one of her hands to halt her. “You’ve been more than proactive in making sure I’m comfortable. And I thank you for being so considerate of my past. I’ll promise you now if I feel like I don’t like or want something you’re doing, I’ll tell you. I feel safe with you, seen. And because I feel safe with you, I will tell you no when I feel the least bit apprehensive of something. So, don’t worry your pretty little head about it, understand?”

“Okay…” she said hesitantly. “Regardless, I’m going to keep checking in with you, just to be sure. But I am glad that’s how you feel. I’ll promise to communicate with you if I’m uncomfortable as well.”

“Good,” he purred. “You being so worried over me only makes me want to kiss you more, you know that?”

Xalena gulped. “Is that a request?”

“Only if you want it to be,” he said simply. 

“Yes,” she said with her breath caught in her lungs. 

A deliciously sinful smirk grew on his face at her consent. Astarion took her chin between his fingers and lifted her face to meet his. His perfect lips pushed against hers, short and sweet, and next placed another searing kiss on her forehead.

“You are perfect, every time. I’m starting to doubt if you’d be able to do anything wrong,” he said giving her a single swipe of his thumb against her lower lip. 

“Anything? Those are dangerous words, Astarion.”

“If you had any idea how much I missed you, I think you’d be more inclined to believe me,” he said with soft seduction. 

Her pulse spiked just at the idea of him longing for her in any capacity. But why did the prospect also sound so unbelievable? 

“I’m not sure why. Surely you have more interesting people keeping your company back in the city,” she settled on after not knowing how to respond. 

His expression flashed a bit of concern, his eyes narrowing in on her slightly. “I guess I needed to be more careful with my words when I said you couldn’t do anything to upset me. I’ve been meaning to scold you about your habit of undervaluing yourself. We’ll work on that. While there are plenty of interesting people in the city, none of them actually understand me like you do. I value that and your many other amiable qualities in high regard. So to me, nobody else can really compare.” 

By the gods, he was going to be the end of her if he kept this up.

“Many amiable qualities?” Xalena asked in disbelief. “Does this imply you have a list?” 

A smug grin appeared on his face again. “A very long one as a matter of fact. Where do you want me to start? Your wit? Your beauty? Your sweetness? Your strength?” 

Astarion whispered, leaning in close to her ear, “Your effortless ability to bring the most powerful vampire in the world to his knees?”

“Okay I get it!” she said while blushing with the heat of a thousand suns. 

His expression looked rather pleased at her embarrassment. “So you admit that it’s not preposterous that I really missed you?”  

“Maybe…” she murmured reluctantly.

Astarion lifted her hand that he was holding up to his lips. “That’s not a no. I’ll accept that for now, my sweet.”  

She caught a glimpse of his face as she tried to turn away from him, it was one of pure male satisfaction. “Is it your life’s mission to embarrass me to no end?”

“Only because I like you so much. It doesn’t help that you make it endlessly fun to tease you. Your reactions are too adorable for me to resist, I’m afraid.”

“You should keep in mind that I’m too damn nice to truly get back at you,” she said sharply. “If I had no manners, I would’ve bitten your head off already.” 

“What about the time you kicked me in the shins a month ago? Or the time you nearly bit my hand off when you hunted with me? That wasn’t very nice,” Astarion pouted.

Xalena scoffed at the audacity of the bloodsucker’s words. “First of all, we were sparring. I think it is fairly reasonable that I tried to fight back. Secondly, you deserved to get bit. I tried warning you and you went ahead and tried to pet me anyway. If I wanted your attention, you’d know. Seems you didn’t take notes in my Cats 101 lecture all those years ago.”

“Yes, such a shame,” he said with a low chuckle. “You see, the professor was too damn distracting. She happens to be rather exquisite looking and I couldn’t help but admire her beauty as she bragged about how every cat she had ever met loves her.” His hands captured her waist, pulling her towards himself. 

Xalena tried her best to ignore the way her heart raced even faster at his touch. 

“The only exception being His Majesty. At least you remember something. It’s a good thing you’re not my student anymore. A student-teacher relationship would be rather scandalous,” she said with a hint of mischief in her voice. 

If she wasn’t so close, she wouldn’t have been able to hear the low rumbling sound that came from his chest. 

“Yes. Yes indeed.” Almost as if he couldn’t help himself, Astarion planted one more kiss on Xalena’s cheek, his lips lingering just a bit longer than the others he gifted her. 

For the first time in what seemed like forever, there was no worrying, no weight of the world on her shoulders. It was just him and the way he made her feel like she was over the moon with joy. Would she dare call it the dreaded L word? She wasn’t sure if she was mentally ready for that label yet. But she did know that this thing between them, no matter how new and fragile it was, made her happy. She couldn’t help but show that in her beaming smile as Astarion admired her. Xalena’s eyes lingered on Astarion’s long and pointed ears that now seemed to redden towards the tips. It was satisfying to know she seemed to have a very similar effect on him as he did with her.

“Shall we?” Xalena extended her hand to him in an offer. 

Astarion locked their fingers together and tightened his grip lightly. “We shall,” Astarion agreed.

—- 

Maybe Xalena was being overly paranoid, but Astarion had been gone hunting for a very long time. Normally he’d be back at camp in no more than 15 minutes. It had been at least an hour since she’d last seen him and she was starting to worry. The only thing giving her peace of mind was how strong he was. The only Ascendant Vampire in Faerun wouldn’t go down without a fight if there truly was one to be had in the first place. 

Xalena had been pondering about how their adventure had been so peaceful so far. Hordes of monsters were far fewer than what she had anticipated and it made her all the more suspicious something bad was going to happen. She had a horrible feeling that this was the moment she had been waiting for. 

She decided she would try to find him in wolf form just to get rid of that growing concern. With her heightened sense of smell as a canine, it didn’t long to detect the rich aroma of blood in the forest air. But the scent was wrong and revolting. If she didn’t know any better, it almost smelt… Illithid. 

Shit. Shit. Shit.

As fast as her four legs could carry her, she weaved through the trees toward the foul scent and nearly collapsed with relief when she spotted Astarion leaning against a tree. She shifted out of wild shape and continued to run toward him. 

Behind him, she could see the unmistakable gaping hole in the ground. A slimy pink tissue covered the inside layer of the opening. A wretched sight she had become all too familiar with over the past 2 years. There was a Mind Flayer colony here. And from the looks of it, Astarion went right in. 

Even from a distance, she could see that his breathing was uneven. She felt relief take over her worry when she realized none of the blood he was covered in appeared to be his. 

Xalena slowed down and advanced toward him so she could look him over for injuries. “What the hells were you thinking? Are you okay?” 

Before she could get to him, Astarion held out his hand gesturing her to stop. “Don’t any get closer. I need to…” he said through strained breaths.

Xalena innocently ignored his plea, not thinking twice about it. She blinked once and he was gone. 

She soon realized her error when Xalena found herself pinned down in a blur of speed against the tree. Both of her hands were lifted above her head, trapped by Astarion’s tight grasp. His glowing red eyes bore into her soul with unmistakable hunger. He’s lost control, bloodlust winning him over. The sunstone’s effect on him was seemingly dormant possibly due to using his powers against the Mind Flayers. 

“Hello my treat,” he said with a sickeningly sweet voice.

Xalena shivered like the prey she was.

“Astarion you need to fight back,” she pleaded. 

“Fight back against what?” Astarion caressed her cheek in a way that felt far too possessive. “My overwhelming desire to partake in every drop of blood your body can offer me? I think not.” 

“You don’t mean that.” 

“I’ve craved your blood above all else for three decades, my treasure. The memory of how delicious you tasted taunted me every day. You have no idea what being around you for the past month has been like for me. Your scent alone drives me insane. You smell so sweet. It’s like you were made just to satiate my hunger.” 

His whole body was pressed against hers. One of his thighs was in between her legs, dangerously close to her core. Astarion’s nose pressed on the slide of her neck and he drew in a strong inhale.  

“Why don’t you join me in immorality, my dear? You’d look ravishing kneeling before me. Just as you should’ve been all this time. It’s your destiny to serve me, you’ve just been delaying the inevitable. You were always going to come back to me. My long-missing puzzle piece has finally been found.” Astarion made one swipe of his tongue against her neck in a long, drawn-out motion. 

Xalena gasped at the sensation. 

Astarion chuckled darkly against her. “That’s right my love. Give me what I need and maybe I’ll reward you with much more than that. I’d much rather take you willingly, but you’re in no position to change my mind either way.” 

Clearly trying to reason with him wasn’t going to work. Maybe if she could play this to the one strength she had, it would knock some sense into him or at least buy her more time. 

“What if my blood doesn’t taste the same after you kill me?” Xalena couldn’t help but squirm under his hold when his mouth was so close to her pulse that she knew he could hear. “You can’t guarantee it won’t change if I turn into a spawn. I’m more valuable to you alive than dead. After all, I’m the only one who will be able to satisfy you. So, is killing me a risk you’re willing to take?” She challenged.  

Astarion moved away from her neck only to give her a wolfish grin. The grip on her hands tightened. “Bargaining now are we? You’re truly delightful. How did you know I love playing with my food?” 

Fucking hells. Xalena supposed it was now time to resort back to begging Astarion to see reason. Despite the danger she was in, she truly did trust him to not hurt her, even when the Vampire Ascendant was promising otherwise.

“Astarion, you’re better than this. I know you can fight it, so do it.” 

She tried her best to really look at him because that was all she was able to do. Xalena imagined that if her hands weren’t restrained, she would stroke his face in careful motions to ground him back to reality. 

“Be with me,” she said trying not to sound too desperate.  

Astarion blinked at her. His irises flickered back and forth between deep crimson and glowing red. Suddenly, he groaned in pain. His hold on her was gone as his knees gave out, collapsing to the forest floor. He buried his hands against his face, slowly panting as he appeared to gain some semblance of control.

Xalena knelt to meet him. “Astarion?” She asked cautiously.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said while he was seemingly at war with himself trying to fight off the bloodlust. 

Something had to be done about this and Xalena knew the solution. 

“You can feed from me if you’d like,” she proposed carefully. 

She thought back to when she had first said that phrase when they first reunited. The look of pain on his face was very similar to now, almost as if she was torturing him. Maybe she didn’t fully mean it the first time, but she was determined to assure him that she fully meant it now.

“I trust you Astarion. You’re not going to hurt me. I won’t let you.” 

“Xalena…I’m terrified that I’m going to lose control and kill you,” he said with a shaken voice. “What you’re offering is akin to having my first true taste of food after starving myself.”

“That’s not anything we haven’t faced before,” Xalena said calmly. “It’s like you’ve forgotten about the first time you bit me. I stopped you from draining me of all my blood last time and I’ll do it again now. I promise I won’t let you harm me. Let me do this for you. I’m not afraid.” 

He still looked distressed despite her attempt. It looked like he was fighting every instinct he had just to sink those fangs into her neck right this instant. His pupils dilated as they fixated on her neck. Closing his eyes, Astarion sighed deeply. 

Astarion reached toward his belt and unsheathed his dagger. “Use this if I’m not listening to you. It’s not a stake through the heart, but it might be enough for me to snap out of it… I’m sorry. This is too much for me to ask of you.” 

“I want to do this for you. I want to help you Astarion. I care about you, and I know you care about me too. That’s how I know you’ll break out of it. You care too much to actually hurt me.”

“I think I care about you beyond any kind of reason. This is a gift, I won’t forget it.” 

Xalena took the dagger from Astarion with hesitancy. She moved closer and sat on his lap, wrapping her legs around him. Looking at him she pulled away the stray ends of her hair and rolled her neck to the side in an offering. 

His mouth moved closer to that spot and briefly licked her neck again. She felt the points of his fangs scraping her skin and she shivered. 

“I don’t deserve you, my love,” he said, barely above a whisper that was meant for her ears alone. That was the only warning he gave before those predatory teeth tore into her flesh. Astarion let out an outright primal groan when she felt those first drops of blood flooding into his mouth. His arms found purchase around her waist and he brought her impossibly closer to him. 

There was always a sharp, cold sensation that she felt first. But when Astarion fed from her, it always faded and quickly turned into a heat that took over her entire body. She couldn’t help but let out a sigh of pleasure as that heat invaded her. She felt a growl come from Astarion’s chest as soon as the noise left her mouth. His fangs bit down on her a bit harder. 

The hand that was holding up the dagger to his neck was starting to falter as he drank more and more. She clutched one of his biceps with her other hand for dear life as her blood left her body.

Amidst the searing feeling she relished in, the world started to spin. Xalena remembered when the dizziness started to take over she would soon reach her limit. 

“Astarion… that’s enough now. There’s plenty more of me to go around later. Let me see you,” she said with all the willpower she could muster. Xalena’s hand moved up to his curls and lightly tugged on them. 

Astarion let out another animalistic sound but tore his fangs out of her neck. Xalena felt her warm blood continue to drip down her neck. Astarion stayed buried there licking the wound, making sure not to waste a single drop. His efforts made her release a whimper as she felt a surge of heat go right to her core. It was so tempting to create the friction she so desired. It would be so easy given that she could feel the evidence of his arousal against her. 

Astarion finally pulled away when her wound closed. Astarion tried to slow his unnecessary breaths, attempting to come down from that high. He looked at her with a clarity that wasn’t there before he fed from her. 

“Thank you,” he said with a raw voice. “You are… so exquisite. Somehow you taste even better than I remembered. You are everything I could ever want and more.” 

Astarion leaned in to kiss her. Unlike all their other kisses, she felt his need in this one. It was all heat and desire as their lips danced together. Xalena gilded her tongue against his lips asking for more. They both sighed together when they consumed each other, their tongues battling for dominance. In a kiss that was an impassioned mix of tongue and teeth, Xalena felt Astarion nipping her lips with his fangs just hard enough to draw blood. Astarion growled in pleasure as the small amount of blood from her lips entered his mouth. Her blood tasted sharp and metallic on her tongue, but to him, it must’ve been euphoric. 

She realized how starved of him she truly was. She missed the taste of him, the way he held on to her like she was necessary, the noises that came from him as he found the pleasure they created together. It felt like he was everywhere, all-consuming, and she would never get enough of him. 

Her hands glided down from the back of his neck all the way down to his chest and torso. She desperately wished that the light armor he was wearing would disappear so she could actually feel him. Astarion moved his hands up and down her back. Eventually one of them found its way under her nightshirt. Xalena let out a surprised sound when his cold calloused fingers met her bare skin. She felt Astarion smile against her lips.

Xalena wanted everything this male had to offer her, and she damn well knew the wide range of things he could provide. But before she could get the chance to take care of that persistent ache, she started to feel faint, her head started to throb. Xalena’s head involuntarily slumped to the side, somehow unable to hold itself up anymore. 

Astarion, noticing the shift, rushed to lift her head back up. “Feeling weak darling?” He asked with worry in his voice.

“Feeling bloodless,” Xalena groaned.  

Astarion pressed his lips against her forehead. “Apologies, my sweet. We should get you back to camp. Let me take care of you after such a generous donation. Have you eaten yet?” 

Before she could get the chance to say anything back, Astarion’s hands cupped around the backs of her thighs and he lifted her as he stood. She rested her head against his chest in sweet surrender. He carried her, as the books would call it, bridal style towards their camp. 

“Give me something sweet. That usually does the trick.”

“You’ll have to be more specific than that. I can give you many sweet things, my dear.” Astarion lightly nibbled at the point of her ear. 

“Stop being such a tease.” Xalena further buried her face against the leather of his armor. “It’s torturous when I have a headache like this. It also renders me completely useless to do anything about it.” 

“A rather unfortunate side effect. Did I take too much? I know I was a bit eager, to say the least.” 

“Maybe a bit more than normal,” she mused weakly. “My body also hasn’t experienced something like that in three decades. I don’t offer up my neck to anyone else.” 

“Good. I’d rather you keep it that way. I’ll rip off the throat of the creature who’s even remotely close to biting you.” He let out a low growl that sounded closer to an animal than a humanoid. 

“That is a pleasure reserved for me alone,” Astarion purred as he pulled her in closer.  

“Overprotective bastard,” Xalena mumbled.  

When they reached the camp, Astarion lifted the opening of her tent and brought her inside. With a gentleness that nobody would expect him to possess, he set her down on the bedroll carefully. “Don’t you dare move an inch.” 

After hearing some combination of rustling and footsteps, he eventually came back with some water and the berries she foraged earlier this morning. “Eat. Drink. And then go to bed.” 

She only nodded, being far too tired to fight back on his instructions. As she replenished herself, she found herself pondering about how they ended up in this situation in the first place. “What happened back there? I assume you picked a fight with those Mind Flayers and used too much of your powers?” 

“Something like that.”

“You should’ve asked me to help,” she scolded weakly.  

“I admit that was foolish of me. I thought I’d be able to take them. I didn’t think there’d be so many. I estimated 20 at least.”

That was the biggest one she’d ever heard of since they started appearing again. It shouldn’t have surprised her that there was a Mind Flayer colony of that size so close to where this mad wizard supposedly was, but it was an unsettling thought given how dangerous they were in large numbers.

“I forced most of them to kill each other. That drained me rather quickly. Compulsions and other spells like that aren’t very effective against mind flayers in the first place but I had to do something. I didn’t want to retreat and have them chasing after us when I could’ve just ended it. I tried to stay behind until I got the bloodlust under control but you went ahead and found me first.” 

His expression turned grim as he continued. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that again. I remember you finding me, but what happened after that is fuzzy. What did I say to you?” 

“I was mostly trying to talk you out of not killing me. Although you did say I would look ravishing kneeling before you and it’s my destiny to serve you. That one was rather chilling,” Xalena said casually. 

“Fucking hells woman. Don’t you have any sense of self-preservation? Why did you let me do that when I said something so awful to you?”

Xalena shook her head at him. “Like I said, I know you care about me too much to truly hurt me. And you proved me right. You came back despite the sunstone not being able to suppress your nature.”

“I’m sorry. Do you have it in your heart to forgive me?” He asked carefully.

“Consider yourself forgiven. Although, I don’t think you have much to be sorry about. At the very least, you need to let me help you so you can rely on those powers less in the future. And I have one more additional request.”

“Anything, darling.” He said it in a way that sounded so tender and sweet. A stark contrast to his usual smugness.

“Stay here tonight with me… please.” Xalena felt her face heating up due to her impulsive request.

There was a brief surprise in his expression but it quickly turned into one of those wicked grins he so often gave her. “It would be my pleasure. I only wished you would’ve asked sooner my love.”

He briefly departed from the tent, but when Astarion came back, brought along his bedroll and changed out of his leathers into his sleepwear. Xalena’s eyes couldn’t help but roam around the opening of his shirt where parts of his chest were exposed.

“Like what you see?” Astarion asked without a trace of shame while evening out his sleeping arrangement for the night. She hadn’t meant for him to catch a glimpse of her ogling. She was convinced now he had eyes in the back of his head. 

“Yes,” she admitted quietly. 

Astarion turned around and leaned down to kiss her cheek.“It’s a good thing you feel that way because you’re stuck with me now and you’re the only one I want looking at me like that.”

“And how am I looking at you?” Xalena asked curiously. 

“With a mix of desire and affection,” he said simply. “You’re so lovely and you’re not even trying.”

“Shut up,” she said with heavy embarrassment. 

He chuckled at her attempt to hide her face from him. “I only answered the question you asked. It’s not my fault that you’re so easy to fluster.” 

Astarion settled and laid down in the tent with her. They faced each other, both deciding to gaze upon what was in front of them. Xalena noticed Astarion’s eyes slowly but surely tracing over her whole body like he was trying to memorize and catalog every detail. His ruby eyes drifted back to her face and he held out his hand toward the space in between them. Xalena found herself reaching for it without a second thought. Touching him, being near him like this, had become so essential and it hadn’t even been a week since she confessed to him. 

“You know, whenever I saw the stars in Baldur’s Gate, I thought of you.” Astarion’s words brought her out of her admiration. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Because your freckles are like constellations on your face. Every time the sun set and the darkness took over the sky, I would look up and I could picture your face so clearly. I thought I’d grow to dislike the night after exclusively having to live in it for so long. But I found myself not minding it so much because it meant I got to think about you. It was the closest thing I had to seeing you. I’m grateful for the stars now, without them I wouldn’t have been able to visualize you so vividly. I’ve forgotten so many faces over the past two centuries, but I’m glad I was able to remember yours.” 

Xalena thought that was one of the softest things she had ever heard come out of his mouth. 

“Well, now you don’t have to think about it too hard. I don’t have any plans to leave.”

Astarion effortlessly closed the gap between their bodies and snaked his arms around her. His chin rested on the top of her head and Xalena rested her cheek against his pectoral. Their legs were comfortably intertwined in an attempt to somehow get closer to each other.

“I think that’s one of the best things I’ve heard all day.” Astarion kissed the crown of her head, and Xalena kissed his neck in return. 

“Goodnight Astarion,” Xalena whispered.

“Good night Xalena darling.”

Xalena didn’t know if it was the blood loss or the comfort she felt when Astarion held her, but she found herself not having trouble sleeping that night yet again. 

Chapter Text

“I’m afraid the only room left for tonight is a one-bedroom. Would that be alright with you both?” The Daggerford innkeeper asked. 

Xalena’s life was a joke. This was something that happened in romance novels since time immemorial, but not in real life. She didn’t know why the prospect of sharing a bed with Astarion was so intimidating. They literally slept in the same tent last night, but somehow sharing a bed felt all the more intimate. At the same time, that was an active decision she made on her terms. The inn was leaving them little choice in the matter. 

She chose for them to stay in Daggerford because of the rather unfortunate weather they were having. It rained nearly all day and she had used her magic the entire way here to keep them as dry as she could. The heavy wind didn’t help very much with her cause. However, everyone else in the area seemed to have the same idea she did given that every other inn in this small town was full for the night. Except for this one, it seemed.

Astarion gave her a questioning look to suggest that she should take the lead on this one. 

Fucking hells. 

“We’ll take it,” she said admitting defeat while exchanging gold for the key to the room. Damn rain. 

Xalena shouldn’t really be this frightened by this. Shouldn’t this whole situation be exciting? Maybe it just seemed like it was a big step for them to take in their newly reformed relationship that had yet to be explicitly defined. It almost felt as if entering that room was the point of no return. At the same time, she knew what her feelings towards Astarion were. Xalena became certain of those feelings as they laid there together under the stars. But perhaps it was time to know for certain what his feelings toward her were. 

Xalena turned the key to the quaint room they had been assigned to. Nothing of note other than a full-sized bed and a cramped bathing chamber. After the door was closed they both just stood and looked at each other. Although the rain and wind were keeping her rather chilly, just looking at him made her feel warmer on the inside. 

This was it. There was no escaping him tonight. But she would at least try first. 

Before he got the chance to say anything Xalena overruled him. “I’ll sleep on the floor tonight.”

She almost turned around to head toward the bathing chamber to hide, but Astarion’s hand quickly caught her wrist before she could move away from him. Xalena turned to meet his gaze when his cold hand made contact with her skin.

“What if I don’t want you to.”

“Care to elaborate what that means?” Xalena knew exactly what he meant.

“Stay with me. Please?” he asked with a hint of desperation that made her knees weak.

The unrelenting nerves in her stomach made Xalena avoid his stare altogether despite the vulnerability he showed. “It’s just…all of this has just been happening so quickly and I feel nervous for some reason. It doesn’t make sense, does it?”

Astarion shook his head. “It does. I feel it too. Every day I feel like I’m going to mess this up so horribly. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. Regardless, if anyone deserves to take the bed it's you. You’re the one who tried to keep us dry all day, you must be exhausted.”    

“I’m fine. Besides, I think I failed pretty badly at that task,” Xalena said, gesturing to her hair and clothing that were so damp they were now sticking to her skin. 

Astarion gave her an assessing look and clicked his tongue. “You think I didn’t notice your attempt to sacrifice yourself in order to shield me from the elements? You’re soaked from head to toe and my clothing isn’t going to even need to dry for an hour. I only wished I could’ve helped more. You’re too nice, darling.”

“What can I say, I do nice things for the people I love.”

Her statement was met by deafening silence. She looked up at him again in confusion to figure out the source of the awkward pause. “What?” 

“Xalena… you love me?” Astarion asked in awe. 

She froze at the question realizing her stupid, dumb, mistake. In a form of self-inflicted punishment, she lightly slammed her palm right to her forehead. “Oh shit. Fuck, you weren’t supposed to find out like that. I had this whole thing planned out and it was going to be actually romantic and meaningful. I can’t believe I let myself say something so important-”

“You love me?” he asked again. His expression looked so hopeful, but also so fragile. As if one word from her would shatter that hope in a second. Xalena gathered herself and tried her best to give him a reassuring look. 

“Yes,” she said breathlessly. “I’m not sure if I ever stopped loving you. I certainly tried to convince myself that I didn’t anymore. At the same time, I think it’s safe to say it got harder and harder to deny it every day since you saved me. I didn’t dare to acknowledge what I’d been feeling for weeks now, but deep down, I knew what it was. I want you to know now though. I’m in love with you. Whatever the future holds, I want to face it together with you. It hasn’t even been 2 months and I can’t picture a day without you. I don’t care how much I have to face your bloodlust and those darker parts of you I know you’re terrified will hurt me. Because I know you’ll fight for me. But I do need to hear something from you for my payment for today.”

She took a step closer to him and took one of his hands. Any closer their bodies would brush up against each other. “Do you love me too?”

For a moment, he seemed confused at the question but then chuckled when his expression gained more clarity. “I’m sorry that I haven’t made myself clear enough where you felt the need to ask.”

Astarion squeezed her hand that was intertwined with his. “You know, I didn’t like you when we first met. I thought you were a bit naive. All too trusting. A bit too self-sacrificing. I was waiting around for the day you would show your true colors to me because there was nobody on the continent who was genuinely that good of a person. Little did I know, that’s just who you were. You were patient. You cared. You trusted me when that was an objectively stupid thing to do. I think I knew I loved you when that wretched Drow asked me to bite her and you stood up for me. Nobody had done that for me before. Treat me like I was my own person whose thoughts and autonomy mattered. 

“I hate that I never told you sooner. You deserved someone who would’ve said that to you without hesitation. Even if I didn’t truly say it, you were the only person I truly cared for. You still are frankly. When I got the stone, I kept replaying in my head how you begged me not to leave you after I ascended because that was the first time you said you loved me. I knew you were waiting to say it for the longest time and you were waiting for the right moment. But I knew you loved me. Every action, conversation, and touch you gave me practically screamed how pure and honest your love was. 

“I thought I lost the right to love you again. But as soon as you came back into my life, my love for you has consumed me inside and out in all the best ways. Loving you is effortless. I am undone by you and nobody else. You are as essential to me as the air is in your lungs. I feel like I’m truly free when I’m with you. You accept me as I am, darkness and all. So yes, Xalena, I love you. I never want to stop loving you. And I will get on my knees and repeat that all to you again so you know without a shadow of a doubt that I love you too.”

Just when she thought she couldn’t get any more soaked from all the rain, a few tears started to roll down her face in relief. Xalena wrapped her arms around Astarion’s neck and pressed her body against his. There were hardly any words to communicate how his words affected her. All she could come up with was repeating that phrase that was so simple but somehow communicated everything she felt. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She pressed her lips against his. It never felt so urgent to kiss him as it did now. She wanted this kiss to somehow convey the depth of her love. Soft and slow but demanding and heated all at once. Being with him felt necessary. Tasting him felt necessary. She wanted to be consumed so fully that she wouldn’t be able to feel the chilling, shaking sensation that ran through her body. Xalena hummed as their lips moved together in perfect harmony. But it was Astarion that found the resolve to pull away first. 

She tried to chase his lips for more, but he cupped her cheek with his hand before she got the chance. “Darling, you’re shivering and I know it’s not because of me. As much as I’d enjoy continuing, you might get hypothermia if we don’t take care of how cold you are. So let me do the honors. It’s the least I can do after going to such lengths to keep me dry.”

Xalena visibly pouted at him at the choice. He was being entirely reasonable and all she could think about were those perfect lips of his. 

“Wait here for a second.”

He kissed her cheek and retreated to the bathing chambers. Xalena picked up the sound of running water in the distance. She noticed steam coming out between the cracks in the door, presumably from the bath he was drawing for her. 

As the noises of water filling the tub continued, Xalena mused that the nerves she felt before stepping into this room all of a sudden were turning into eagerness. She worked herself up for nothing yet again. 

Her head turned to face the sound of the door creaking open. She found Astarion leaning his figure outside the door frame of the bathing chambers, beckoning her to join him inside. As soon she entered, the warmth that was now in the air was very welcomed given the cold she could feel in her bones. 

“Warm up, love. Do you need anything?”

“Can you loosen these strings for me,” she asked shyly. “They’re hard for me to get to when everything everything is sticking to my skin. I tried to get it myself but to no avail.” 

“Of course, my sweet.” 

Xalena turned her back to him so Astarion could get to work on her armor. It was something akin to a corset in the back that she hated to get on and off by herself. Despite Astarion’s practiced hands with things like these, she could’ve sworn he took slow and steady movements until he reached the middle of her back where the last of the ties were. His fingers lingered there as he gently pulled on that last string.

“Anything else?” he asked just before kissing the back of her neck.

Xalena was thankful he didn’t have a full view of her suddenly purple-hued face. “Not now. I’ll see you when I get out. Thank you.” 

“Anything for you. Call if you need me.” 

Xalena took one look at the tub full of steaming hot water and got to work stripping down the rest of her clothing and undoing her tied hair that was in the shape of a disheveled bun thanks to the storm. 

The water felt nothing less than heavenly as she dipped her legs in the tub. Xalena let out a groan of release when she felt the coldness being sapped away from her body. Only when her body was fully submerged did she fully realize how much she needed the bath. If she were on her own, she probably wouldn’t have even bothered to come to the inn at all. She would’ve gritted her teeth and braved the storm. But now she had someone looking out for her. Someone who wanted to take care of her. It was nice to feel loved. She felt needed and wanted by him and he clearly felt that way in return. 

As the heat of the water invaded her body, Xalena’s mind couldn’t help but drift to those passionate kisses they exchanged. She wanted to feel that again. She wanted to relish in that sensation with him all night if he let her. The way his hands gripped her waist, his touch against her bare skin, his fangs lightly nipping and scraping her neck, the way his mouth tasted when they kissed, the primal sounds he made when he drank her blood. All of it made her dizzy just picturing it. Like a bolt of lightning, heat ran right between her legs. She sighed quietly laced with arousal. 

But good things would come for those who are patient. 

When she felt like she had sufficiently regulated her temperature, Xalena quickly got out of the tub and dried herself off. She realized how vulnerable she was being with him. Going out with damp skin and wet hair. Not to mention the thinly-strapped black silk slip dress that ended just above her knees that would surely make a statement of what she wanted her intentions to be tonight. It wasn’t anything too scandalous, but it would give him a perfect view of all the parts of her body she knew he loved looking at; her neck, her shoulders, the tops of her breasts, and her thighs. This wasn’t something she normally wore especially when sleeping outside. Only when she had the opportunity to sleep inside at a place like this. 

The last time anyone else saw her in such a state was when she slept with Halsin that one time. Xalena didn’t have the mental capacity to engage in any sort of sexual activity with another the past few decades after that interaction. She didn’t particularly like sleeping with strangers. It only felt safe and satisfying with people she trusted. But she knew with certainty now that she wanted him. 

She summoned that unnatural boldness she had been feeling lately once again to turn the doorknob. But as soon as she saw him she froze instantly. She was so focused on Astarion’s reaction to her when she stepped out like this that she didn’t even consider what she would think of him. Because there he was half naked standing over by the bed as he finished lifting off his shirt. His muscular back was facing her where she could see everything, scars and all. 

“Beautiful…” she whispered under her breath. 

Astarion turned to face her and made no effort to hide the surprise on his face. The shock then shifted to something more like hunger as his eyes darkened while admiring her body. His eyes started with the side of her neck and ran all the way down to her thighs. She returned the gesture as she gaped at his sculpted chest. She could practically feel the ridges and valleys of his body just by looking at him. 

Astarion stalked over to her and she reflexively bit her lower lip as he moved closer. Xalena leaned her back against the door of the bathing chambers, unsure if she would be able to support herself with her own strength when he looked at her with that lustful and predatory expression. 

“You must be talking about yourself,” he finally said. Astarion lifted his index finger and slowly dragged it along her collarbone while his eyes traced the movement. The feeling of his cold hand against her skin made her shiver again. But this time, it was because of him. 

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, his thumb slowly stroking across her skin. “Beautiful,” he repeated. 

“Can I kiss you again?” she proposed with a small tremble in her voice. 

“Yes. A thousand times, yes,” he said with a shaken and rough voice. 

Xalena cautiously placed her hands on his chest and looked up at him. His eyes bore into her own with a hot intensity. Slowly, she reached up to have her lips meet his. Their lips moved in perfect synchronization like somehow their muscles remembered after all this time just how to make each other dizzy with pleasure. It was such a heavenly experience. 

Astarion wasted no time wrapping an arm around her waist and pulled her toward him. She could finally feel his abs through the thin silk she wore and she let out a quiet gasp when they made contact. In favor of pressing her body against his as close as she could, she raised her arms to go around his neck and lazily curled her fingers in his hair. There was no mistaking the rush of arousal she felt in response to the friction that was created when her breasts were pressed up against his muscled chest. 

In a clash of lips, tongue, and occasional teeth Xalena and Astarion groaned together. Astarion’s hands wandered down to her hips and he gave them a tight squeeze. One of them moved further down in slow stroking motions to cup her ass. Just so she could give him better access to her, she unconsciously leaned back against the door further and lifted the leg he grabbed off the floor, leaning it against his body instead. Astarion growled in approval and moved his hands to the back of her thighs. Xalena greedily took the opportunity he gave her and lifted herself off the floor entirely to wrap her legs around his pelvis. 

At the first contact of his hardened length against her core, she practically whimpered into his mouth. The sound that escaped her only seemed to encourage him more as he bit her lower lip in a gentle but demanding manner.

Astarion finally broke the contact between their lips. He slowly started to leave kisses across her face and made his way down the slide of her neck. Perhaps not coincidentally, his lips were worshiping the right side of her neck where he bit her last night. Xalena panted at the sensation and her noises were only heightened when he licked the bite marks he left in languid strokes. She was fully expecting him to just sink those teeth into her again. Hells, she would’ve welcomed it. However, he only chuckled against her skin. 

“You have no patience, my dear. It would be bad manners to have dessert before the main course. Besides, I plan to take my time with you tonight.” Astarion scraped his fangs against her delicate skin. Xalena gasped again and squirmed as the movement sent a rush of pleasure and danger through her body.  

“Understand?” He asked with an assertive tone.

She only had the energy to nod at his question.  

“I need words, love. Yes or no?”

“Yes,” she said breathlessly. 

Astarion did bite down on her then, but not hard enough to make her bleed. “Good girl,” he whispered sensually against her neck. 

Between his teeth threatening to tear into her and the praise he gave, a moan was coaxed out of her. 

Astarion crushed his lips against hers again. Using that inhuman strength, he lifted her off the wall entirely and walked them to the bed without once breaking his kiss. Astarion effortlessly threw Xalena down on the bed and crawled on top of her. 

Before he could resume his efforts Xalena cupped his cheek. “Wait,” she halted him. 

Astarion froze entirely. “Do you want to stop?” he asked.

“No! I mean, I want to continue. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with this. I don’t want to force you into anything you’re uncomfortable with. Do you want to set any boundaries tonight?”

Astarion let out a near-silent sigh. “I’ll admit, all of this still feels intimidating even after all this time. All I know is that I want to feel good with you. I want to pleasure you until you’re drowning in it. I want to reach that peak together with you. I don’t feel like I’m not a means to an end with you. I’m doing this because I love you and not because I feel like I need to. I’m by no means done with healing from what Cazador did to me and I’m still trying to figure out what that will mean for our relationship. But for tonight, I know I want this. I missed you so much. So much so that I won’t be able to express it in one night alone. So let me worship you tonight, Xalena. It’s long overdue.” 

“I missed you too. I’m not sure if I deserved to be worshiped but I’m yours, Astarion. And never anyone else’s.”

Astarion’s nostrils flared and his pupils blew wide. “Say that again,” he purred lowly against her neck.

“I’m yours.” 

One of his thighs fell in between her legs and connected with her core. His muscles that rubbed up against her clothed clit felt dizzying, she barely had the will to hold in the whimper she would’ve out.   

“And you are mine,” she added weakly for good measure. 

Astarion took a strand of her still-wet hair and held it up to his lips. The gentle gesture was outright sinful the way he looked at her. “How right you are, darling. You are mine and I am yours.”

He dropped the hair he was holding in favor of tracing his fingers from her neck down to her chest, ensuring that his motions were just shy of reaching the places she wanted him to touch the most. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to make you mine again,” he growled. “I’m a possessive bastard, just the thought of anyone else being this close to you drives me mad.”

Was the statement slightly toxic? Yes. Did she love it all the same? Yes. When words like that left his lips, it did something to her that she couldn’t even explain. It just showed that Astarion did a damn good job at remembering what she liked; praise, possessiveness, and dominance. 

“I haven’t done this in 27 years. And even when I did, I could only think about how I wanted it to be you.” She had never admitted it out loud to Halsin. He probably was perceptive enough to see right through her in that regard anyway. 

“Then allow me to pleasure you in all the ways you’ve missed, my love,” he said with a devious grin.

She inferred from his expression that she was going to be in for one long night. “As delicious as you look in that dress, I’d very much like to tear it off of your body. But I’ll be a gentleman. For tonight at least.”

Xalena nodded at his idea as she looked at him with a slightly parted mouth and wide eyes. Astarion sat up and fell onto the backs of his legs. Taking one of her hands, he helped her to sit up as well. She couldn’t resist the way beckoned her to sit on his lap by licking his lips with a sinful smile. Xalena placed herself on top of his thighs and wrapped her legs around him with ease.

There was no hesitation on his face as he went in to kiss her again. It was too easy to reignite that desire she felt that had invaded every part of her being when their lips collided. It felt like she was on fire and Astarion’s every movement was oxygen adding to the flame. 

His lips moved to the column of her neck again and she couldn’t help but grind herself on him to get some form of relief. Amongst the assault of his lips against her skin, she could hardly feel his arm moving toward the back of the dress where he slowly unzipped it all the way down. The pathetic straps fell off her shoulders. Her breasts were without a doubt exposed to him now and the prospect only made her wetter. 

Astarion briefly stopped to admire his work. She could see his eyes linger down her body. It was tortuous how long he just looked at her with hunger in his expression and making no move to put them both out of their misery. His pupils dilated and he licked his lips again, those dangerous fangs poking out. Xalena panted at him and tried to beg with her eyes for him to touch her just where she wanted him. 

Finally, one of his cold, calloused hands cupped the outside of her breast and she let out another desperate whimper. Astarion gave her a heated look and smiled in a way that gave away his intention to make her beg for him. “What do you want, my love?” 

He knew exactly what she wanted. 

“Touch me.”

Astarion chuckled and nipped at her earlobe. “I am touching you. You’ll need to be more specific,” he whispered.

“Touch me, taste me, bite me here.” She allowed her fingers to drift up to around her nipple. 

It looked like he was reigning in on every instinct to do exactly that as his eyes were studying her movements. “Say please,” he said teasingly. 

“Please, Astarion.”

“So good doing exactly what I tell you to do,” was the only warning he gave before moving his fingers right where she requested it. He took her nipple and rolled it between his thumb and his index finger. She gasped more loudly than she would’ve liked to, but she couldn’t come to care as a new wave of wetness coursed through her. 

Suddenly, Astarion pushed her shoulders to make her fall off his lap and the back of her head went crashing into the pillows. He crawled on top of her again. Before he resumed his movements he tugged down her dress even more to get full access to her breasts and torso. She shivered as the air of the inn clung to her body. She could feel her nipples harden at the cold and her arousal. 

“So delicious,” Astarion said as he lowered his head down to her breast and wrapped his lips around her nipple. The moan that came out of Xalena was nothing sort of needy and desperate. Astarion’s hand moved to her other breast and moved the tips of his finger in soft circular motions. Then she felt his tongue swipe around her and she shook. She was writhing beneath him as he licked her there over and over and over again. The motions of his tongue alternated between short and sweet and long and drawn out. The way he occasionally sucked down with his lips made it feel all the more euphoric.

It wasn’t too long before he switched his attention to her other breast and gave it the same treatment. Only this time he took her nipple between his teeth. There was only the briefest amount of pain, but the combination of sharp and pleasurable stimulation made her cry out his name. She felt him hum in contentment and rewarded her with another long swipe of his tongue. 

When he finally tore away from her chest he looked at her with his piercing ruby stare. “Gods I need to taste you. Now,” he said gutterily. 

How many times did she picture him saying that in her fantasies about him? She punished her weak mind for always drifting to his expert tongue between her legs making her feel things she had never felt before. But this wasn’t a fantasy she would touch herself to, this was reality. 

“Please,” she said with a shaken voice. 

“I think it’s I who should be begging you, my sweet.” 

Those perfect lips traveled down from her chest to her stomach where her dress still gathered around her thighs. When he finally tugged it off her body entirely, there was only one piece of fabric that remained that would lay her completely bare before him. 

Astarion lowered his face right above her pussy and examined the dampness that seeped through the fabric of her undergarments. He lazily dragged one finger from where her opening was to the apex of her thighs. She unconsciously moved her knees inwards to close her legs. 

Xalena heard his tongue click in disapproval. “Don’t you dare hide from me now. Not when you’re this wet and I’m only getting started with you. It’s driving me crazy. Do you think I couldn’t smell your arousal while you were taking a bath and thinking about the things I could do to you? The way I make you feel. It made me want to break into that door again and fuck you right then and there. Every reaction you give me is beautiful. Show me what I do to you. I want to see everything. Understand?” 

“Yes,” she said.

Astarion kissed her clothed clit just before hooking his fingers around her underwear and pulling it off of her. “Good. Let me reward your willingness.” 

He took her calves and let them rest over his shoulders. In this position, his face was so close to her cunt that she could feel the inhale he took to smell her. His observations were correct, she was dripping wet and he was about to taste it all.

His face dropped down on her and he started devouring her with one long and slow lick starting from her entrance all the way up to her clit. Xalena moaned loudly at that first swipe and her hand gripped down on his head to stabilize herself.

He pulled away only from her for a brief second. “That’s right, sing for me, my dear. Let me hear how good it feels when I make you cum on my face.” 

Astarion’s expert tongue resumed the motion. His strokes were unbearably and torturously slow and long but in all the best ways. Whenever he swirled his tongue around her clit for even a second she felt the need to cry out. Just when she thought it couldn’t get any better, Astarion sucked hard on her clit with his lips while running circles around it with his wet muscle. 

“Fuck, Astarion!” she cried out. 

Xalena’s hand tugged at Astarion’s curls either to keep him in that heavenly spot or to prevent herself from squirming too much. Maybe both. 

He didn’t listen to her body’s pleas though. Instead of continuing his assault on her clit, his tongue moved down to her entrance and slipped inside to taste the source of her arousal. Astarion’s fingers gripped harder around her inner thighs as he shoved his tongue as far it could go inside of her. Between the way he was licking her and the way his nose rubbed up against her clit, it made her feel completely undone. The invasion was heated and wet. She was so lost in the sensation, that she didn’t realize how hard she was rocking her hips closer to his face. 

Astarion let out a primal growl at her attempt to ride his face to oblivion.

She could feel her pleasure building and building to a crescendo that she never wanted to end. Perhaps forgetting to take care of the spot she loved the most, Astarion’s tongue slipped out of her soaking hole and lapped at her clit once again. He was eating her like a man starved. A ferocity that she didn’t think possible for anyone to demonstrate. It was almost like this act aroused him just as much as it did her. 

He sucked hardly on her clit again and that was all it took to send her over the edge for the first time that night. Xalena knew in the back of her mind she was moaning Astarion’s name so loudly that any adjoining room would be able to hear, but all she could care about was how every part of her body was filled with pleasure. Astarion continued to eagerly lick her as she rode through her orgasm. 

She hadn’t felt this way in decades. She could never make herself feel like this when she touched herself. 

As she started to come down she could’ve sworn she felt him smirk while his face was still buried in her. As she took calming breaths she started to squirm from overstimulation. The feeling of his tongue was too much on her sensitive clit. Perhaps sensing the sudden discomfort, Astarion pulled his mouth away from her to focus his attentions on the inner parts of her thigh. He left calculated kisses there combined with delicate strokes of his calloused thumb. 

When Xalena looked down at him she found him staring right at her. A white-hot look that ignited something within her again so soon after cuming so hard on his face. “That was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard darling. Would you care to sing some more for me?” He left a long burning kiss on a spot on her thigh and dragged his teeth along her skin. 

“Astarion…” she said breathlessly.

“Do you wish to be consumed again, my love?” 

“Yes… please,” 

“You ask so nicely, how could I refuse?”

Two of Astarion’s fingers lifted up to circle around her entrance. There was no resistance as he pushed them about halfway in. 

Her pussy clenched around the sudden intrusion and she arched her back. His fingers suddenly pulled out, making her whimper in disappointment at the loss. She most definitely heard a dark chuckle in response.

Xalena looked down at him just in time to see him put both of those fingers in his mouth and suck the wetness that he took from her off of them. “You’re my favorite taste. I’ll never get sick of that,” he said with unmistakable hunger.  

Without warning he speared his fingers in her again sharply. Xalena’s eyes rolled into the back of her head at the feeling of his fingers hitting that spongy soft spot inside of her. Her hips unconsciously angled upwards and it was met with Astarion’s mouth lapping at her slit again. His fingers moved in and out of her so quickly and his tongue kept on swirling over and over on her swollen clit. 

“Astarion, Astarion…” she chanted like a prayer as he worshiped her body. 

She was somehow so close again, clenching her thighs around his face. She was desperate for him at this point. The ache grew stronger and stronger as his fingers and tongue worked in tandem to bring her over the edge.

Astarion moved his tongue and mouth from her clit to her thigh and replaced them with his thumb. His fingers continued to stroke at her pussy vigorously and she clenched around them. Xalena screamed at the sensation. Just before her second orgasm invaded her, Astarion sunk his teeth into her thigh. His thumb ran fast circles around her clit and she came undone again. 

Astarion let out a satisfied groan as her blood flooded his mouth. She trembled as he once again worked her through her pleasure all while consuming her blood. He didn’t take nearly as much as he could, maybe saving it for later.

He didn’t waste a single drop as he continued to lick the sanguine love bite. Only when the wound was closed he smirked at her, licking his lips that were covered both in her arousal and her blood. The way her essence covered his face made her tremble with excitement. 

Astarion unhooked her legs from over his shoulders and he crawled on top of her again; caging her with his strong arms. “I want to keep you here for an eternity just doing that.” His lips pressed a surprisingly gentle kisses on her forehead. 

“Your blood tastes so much more delectable when you come undone for me. I'm going to become addicted to it if you keep letting me do that.” 

Xalena wrapped her legs around his torso in an attempt to feel him, but she realized a grueling error that she was determined to quickly remedy. In a teasing motion, Xalena’s hand traced his chest and worked slowly down to the waistband of the pants he was still wearing. The hardness of his length through his trousers was a mouthwatering sight but not a true representation of how glorious it was. “Let me see you,” she panted with need.

“And why would you want that?” he teased. 

“Because I want to see all of you before you fuck me.”  

“Ah, you want to see the cock that’s going to ruin you, don’t you?” 

She nodded eagerly with a pleading look in her eyes. 

“Beg for it,” he said in a dare. “Beg for me to fuck you until you see stars.”

“Please, please, Astarion. Please fuck me. Please fuck me senseless until I can’t think of anything but you. I need to cum around your dick,” she said without a hint of shame. She would do anything, say anything, just so he could be inside of her.

“That’s a good girl. You’re behaving so well for me tonight. Now, get to work,” Astarion said with a commanding voice. Xalena followed his eyes gesturing to the ties of his pants.

Xalena leaned up to work at his ties with shaking hands. It was so hard not to just start palming him through the fabric, but that would just ruin the fun. When his pants were loosened, she helped Astarion tug the last pieces of clothing that kept their bodies separated.

Astarion’s dick sprung out of its confines. It was red with arousal and slightly wet at the head which had a small bead of precum. Xalena openly licked her lips while staring at his well-endowed size. She wanted to worship his cock and she wanted his cock to worship her too. 

Xalena stared up at him and reached down to grab the shaft. Astarion shuttered as soon as her hand made contact. She kissed the head of his cock and licked the salty liquid off of him while trying her best to study him. 

Before she could get the chance to do anything else Astarion gently lowered her down into the mattress again. 

“As much as I love the idea of your pretty mouth being my own personal cocksleeve, I want to focus on you tonight. Another time perhaps. If I remember correctly you were begging me to fuck you. Yes?” 

“Are you sure? I want to make you feel good too.”

“You are making me feel good. I just want to cum inside of your cunt first. I want to fill you up so fully that nobody will question who you belong to. I need you to be covered in my scent. Your body marked up with my teeth. You’d like that too, wouldn’t you?”

“That’s all I want…” she said wantonly. 

“So easy to satisfy. You’re such a good little slut for me aren’t you?” 

Suddenly, there was a burning heat sent to her ass as his hand connected with her skin with a slap. Xalena gasped and shuddered under him. “Yes…I’m yours. Just yours.” 

“That’s right. Now, spread those legs for me and watch me when I fuck you.” 

Xalena did just that, spreading her legs as wide as they could go for him. He gave her another devilish smile at the sight. 

“You have no idea how delicious you are, my dear.” 

Astarion’s fully bare skin finally laid on top of her. To feel every part of him against her naked body was a religious experience. She felt so connected with him, but not close enough at the same time. Every muscle shifting closer to each other made her pleasure even stronger. 

To her disappointment, Astarion chose to further her agony just a little further by not lining up his length at her entrance. Instead, his stiff cock rocked against her labia, his shaft hitting her clit in languid motions. She was still so wet that it glided against her cunt with ease. Astarion grunted wildly as she writhed beneath him and finally moved toward her wet hole. 

His hips snapped toward her in a sharp motion and they both moaned together. She felt the sweet sweet stretch of his cock inside her. Her cunt welcomed the intrusion with relative ease given all he did to get her soaking for him. Astarion’s hands gripped her hips as he looked down at her like he was waiting for her to do something. She wasn’t sure how he found the will to not move inside of her yet. 

“Please move, Astarion. I need you to fuck me,” she whimpered.

Astarion kissed her forehead. “Since you said please,” he said.

Her plea was answered with another hard snap of his hips. Just like when he was licking her, he started to set a pace that was drawn out and slow. The drag of dick inside of her was maddening. Xalena wrapped the backs of her calves around his pelvis so he could go deeper inside of her in an attempt to remedy the slow pace. Somehow his cock being balls deep inside of her only made the ache grow worse.

Xalena cried out his name again as he dragged along a spot that made her see those stars he promised her. She was utterly squirming against him trying to get closer to the climax she needed from him. Her thighs were quaking against his hips. At his slow motions, she could feel everything else consuming her too. Like the way his muscled chest moved against her nipples and his mouth worshiping her neck. 

“Astarion… faster,” she managed to get out between breathy moans. 

Astarion’s movements inside of her faltered and then he moved one of his hands to capture both of her wrists, pinning them above her head in a familiar position. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that if you squirm too much for me. You need to stay still if you want me to go faster. So behave for me and take it.”

Xalena nodded.

Astarion lifted his torso off her body every so slightly and studied her current position. “You look irresistible while my dick is inside of you.”

He finally set a sudden brutal pace that she desired so much. The movement against Xalena’s body was sharp and unyielding. A carnal groan came out of him as he looked down at her with lust devouring his expression. It was almost like he was relieving himself of the torture he was also putting himself through by fucking her so slowly. This is what they both wanted; to fuck and to be fucked hard and fast. 

Astarion moved his face closer to the right side of her neck again. He licked, kissed, sucked, and bit down at the sensitive and thin skin there as he pounded into her. She knew her neck would be covered in bruises and inflamed bite marks but she fucking loved the way he threatened to bite into her at any movement. At one particularly hard bite that she was convinced would break skin, she all but yelled out in a mix of surprise and desire. 

“You like when I do that, don’t you? You love the feeling of being on the precipice of pain and pleasure. How did I get so lucky to be the one to inflict that upon you,” he said just before letting out a groan that intensified her wish for him to devour her.  

Xalena had no idea how he had the energy to say such tantalizing things. She could hardly think of anything other than the way his cock stretched her out and hit all the spots she didn’t know needed to be touched in the first place. The only response she could give him was yet another whimper and the arch of her back off the mattress of the bed. She wanted desperately to move with him but he kept up that unyielding strength as he pinned her own against the mattress. 

She could feel herself building higher and higher and higher. Any second she felt like she was going to explode. She lifted her hips to meet his thrusts, but then he stopped moving altogether. The utter lack of movement at such a maddening pace was agonizing. She was about to be sent over the edge and she could feel the ache deep inside of her throb intensely.

Xalena let out a groan that was a combination of disappointment and arousal. Her chest visibly heaved and she gazed at him to convey how much she needed this. The constant pleading could be viewed as degrading for someone of her renown, but she came to terms with the fact she loved it a long time ago. Astarion always made the outcome worth it in the end, no matter what he put her through. What he was doing to her tonight was rather tame. She knew full well he had endless plans to get her on her knees begging for him later. 

“Look at you. So desperate to cum. I think I can give my little love what she wants since she’s done so well tonight. You’ve always been a good little beggar, but you like the praise too much for it to be not worth it. Now then, would you like to cum, sweetest?”

He thrust himself into her in another slow piercing motion and stayed here deep inside of her.

“Mmmm… please let me.”

“Good girl.” 

Astarion’s hips started to pound into her again at a speed even faster than before. His hand finally released her wrists and Xalena instantly clutched onto his back. That hand however moved towards her clit and he rubbed his fingertips against her in fast circles.

Xalena screamed at the sensation of him pleasuring her in the two spots that she loved the most. She could feel her cunt clenching around his length deep inside of her and her climax finally washed over her. She felt her back arching up and up, her head sliding to the side as she moaned his name. It was then that he pierced his fangs into her vulnerable neck, reopening those wounds he made last night. The bite being so close to her ears allowed her to hear the blood seeping out of her and the way Astarion swallowed her lifeblood all while letting out delicious moans for her.

His movements inside of her only became less controlled and erratic. The thrill of it all caused her orgasm to prolong itself, her pussy clenching around him even more. It only took a couple more thrusts from him and moans from her to send Astarion over the edge with her. His cum coated her insides until he was utterly spent. Astarion eventually tore his mouth away from her as they both came down. He slowly rocked his dick inside of her pushing his cum as far inside of her as it could go. 

Astarion’s movements ceased and he leaned his face in close to hers. They both examined the afterglow of their combined ecstasy. Gods post-sex Astarion was so fucking hot. Between his glistening skin and the way his scent became more musky, it was truly something to behold. He eventually rested his forehead against hers and they calmed their breathing together. This instance was a rare exception where this undead male felt the need to revisit his moral habit of using his lungs how he used to. 

His crimson eyes studied her face, circling all around her. Xalena found herself doing the same, making sure she took the time to remember how his face looked in this moment. This monumental and unbelievable moment where they’ve become one again. Their love for each other mentally and physically intertwined. Every day with him over their time together was one mystery or miracle after another until they got here. The threads of fate perhaps pushing them together to make this happen. Because maybe they truly did deserve each other. 

After all the horrors in their lives, they found each other against all the odds. And yes, their actions drove them apart despite that stroke of fate of being infected with an Illithid tadpole. But here they were now with a second chance at a love neither of them really let go. Something they both longed for so deeply but resigned themselves to the idea of ever happening again. Xalena personally was content to die an old maid after what happened with the ritual.  

That wasn’t to say there weren’t going to be challenges still. No, they had so much more to work out. But she knew she wouldn’t take this chance at loving him again for granted. Anything that came their way she would face it with him. 

Xalena gave him a lengthy kiss on the lips but pulled away before she knew her heat for him would reignite. “I love you,” she smiled at him.

Astarion gave her a bright toothy smile back. “I love you too.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Gods, it feels so good to say that.” 

Xalena laughed with mirth and held him close to her, her hand running up and down his scarred back. “It’s music to my ears.” 

“So perfect. So pretty. So kind. So delicious.” He kissed her face between every one of those praises. “And all mine.”

“All yours,” she confirmed. 

Astarion let out a sound something akin to a purr of satisfaction. “My love.” 

Xalena couldn’t help but kiss him again and again. It wasn’t too long before she realized he was still inside of her and how it had such a profound effect on her body. Astarion pulled away from her lips and admired her still-flushed state.

“Care to pleasure each other until we physically can’t anymore?” he proposed with his signature smug smile. 

Xalena mused that he had the exact same idea she had as she giggled. “At the rate you’re going at, we’re going to get no sleep.” 

Astarion took the point of her ear between his teeth with feather-like lightness. “That’s why you shouldn’t underestimate the stamina of the Vampire Ascendant.”

“Alright then. Perhaps a demonstration is in order,” she smirked back at him.

Astarion looked all too content to oblige as he kissed her cheek. “I would love nothing more.” 

Chapter Text

Astarion awoke to the smell of lavender and vanilla filling his nostrils and the unfamiliar sensation of warmth spreading throughout his body. Xalena’s back was flushed against his torso and his arms were snaked around her waist. She hadn’t awoken yet, still peacefully sleeping against him. It was a sight that threatened to make his undead heart stir. 

He pushed himself up and propped his head on the palm of his hand to examine his partner. Her hair which was usually tied in braids and a low bun was set free. The strands of gray and silver cascaded down to just below the base of her spine. It looked wild and unkempt. His memory flittered to the way he moved his fingers into her scalp as he kissed her or how he pulled her hair last night as he pleasured her from behind.   

For a moment, Astarion was content to carefully stroke her head and twist strands of hair around his fingers in loose coils. This way he could carefully admire her silver highlights contrasting against the dark smokey gray. He watched her body rhythmically move up and down and it brought a strange sense of comfort. As his eyes traced her body, he found inflamed bite marks and purple bruises he left last night that covered the expanse of her neck, shoulders, and breasts. Something alluring purred in the back of his mind as he studied her, “mine.” 

Although, she rather liked it when he said that she was his. Maybe it sounded a little possessive, but to him, it meant that she had him and he wanted nobody else. It meant giving her everything and loving her and only her within his entire being. 

Astarion mused that he was a lucky bastard. It seemed far more likely to exist in a universe where he continued his reign of terror and his hate for her. But here he was. He was in love with her. Not pure possession or obsession. Love. An emotion he had nearly forgotten for 30 years and convinced himself that he didn’t need in his life. At the same time, he never stopped loving her. Those feelings resurfaced so naturally when he found her again. 

He was honestly rather nervous about being physically intimate with her again. While he had been looking forward to connecting with her like this, sex hadn’t been on the table as of late. At first, it was easy to slip into old habits of using his body as a tool. Just as he did with her when they first met and he tried to seduce her. He used to have the occasional tryst to manipulate others for his own political gain. It took years to understand what it actually meant to have full control of his body. After centuries of having no autonomy, he realized it wasn’t as simple as just taking what he wanted. When he had sex, he was never really there. His mind would go somewhere far away while his body performed things it had done thousands of times before. He was afraid that would happen again last night. But no, he felt everything. All the things he did to her were because he wanted to do it. 

Although he had gotten on his back thousands of times, it felt new with her this time around. He had never trusted or loved anyone this deeply while having sex with someone. Those feelings gave every movement with her a purpose. He was able to enjoy himself and be present with her because he trusted her so much. The last time they had been intimate like that was the Teifling party all those decades ago. While he had been attracted to her then, he was in survival mode trying to earn her loyalty and he certainly didn’t trust her. The act had felt tainted by the weight of his past. Which was why they had stopped sleeping together in the first place. But now, everything has changed. 

Not being able to resist the urge anymore, he held her closer to him. Astarion could feel every part of her body pressing up against him. That warmth invaded his cold body and it felt so necessary. After a life of not having any true and consistent warmth, he never wanted to let go of this. He nuzzled the side of her neck with his nose, letting out a noise of contentment as he relaxed against her. His lips moved to kiss every love bite on her neck with feather-light softness to not disturb her slumber. 

Xalena eventually let out a fatigued groan and he pulled away from her neck. One of her hands moved toward her waist to meet his and she weakly squeezed it. It seemed that she was waking up as well. She was never a morning person. Always would be one of the last of their companions to get out of their bedrolls. Even when she did get up she was quite the grouch when anyone tried to approach her. Astarion learned very quickly back then to give her space in the morning. 

Surprisingly, Xalena spoke first. “Morning,” she said with a tone far more raspy and sultry than he was used to. Somehow between that and the way her ass was pressed up against his pelvis, he felt himself get hard again. 

“Morning, love,” he whispered softly in her ear. He decided to add a quick peck on that spot on her neck that was just below her earlobe. “Did I wake you?”

“No. But before I woke up, I had felt so at ease and there was a far-off feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I think I woke up to find the source,” she said.

Gods, how could she be so fucking adorable and sexy at the same time? Astarion’s arms wrapped around tighter. “I was just admiring my work from last night. You’re very distracting when you look like this.”

He could hear her breath hitch in a way that would be barely audible to anyone else. Her pulse spiked as if those words excited her. Astarion smiled like the devil against the back of her neck as he continued. “You took it so well every time I brought my teeth to your skin. It’s only right that I cherish all those marks you let me make.”

This time she let out a breathy noise at his effortless seduction. Her backside discreetly ground against his cock. At that one little movement, he shuttered against her. He wanted her to know the effect she had on him. How she’s the only one who could coax these reactions out of him. He could smell a new wave of wetness coming from her cunt. They had made a mess of the bedsheets last night, it appeared that would continue to be the case this morning. The mixture of their mixed arousal was a scent he didn’t even realize he missed until last night.      

Astarion’s hips slowly jutted forward to press his hardened length against her ass further. “You’re a naughty little thing grinding yourself against me like it was an accident. Do you know what you’re getting yourself into if you keep doing that?” He growled roughly in her ear.

“Please,” she said breathlessly, “show me. I’ll be good for you.” 

Holy fucking shit she was so good at driving him mad with lust. His hips snapped forward again but this time he positioned himself against her folds. The head of his dick rubbed her clit. He held her there with her back against him as she squirmed at the sudden stimulation. He could tell she was trying to rut herself against him, but he wouldn’t allow her that just yet. 

“You’ll be good for me hmm?” He taunted while peppering kisses all over her neck. “The way you’re squirming suggests overwise. You want me to move so badly and rock my dick against you. So let’s put your word to the test. If you want me to do that you need to hold still for me. The moment I feel you grinding yourself against me, I will stop. Do you want to be a good girl for me, darling? Or maybe you want to be punished. What will it be?” It would be so fascinating to see if she would be able to resist the urge to reach her peak. To see how far she would go to get the praise he knew she desired so much. 

“I’ll hold still,” she said as he felt her relax against him, losing control of her taut muscles that would aid in her pleasure. But he also noticed how her breathing quickened ever so slightly. Like she was trying her best to hold herself back. Little did she know this was nearly as torturous for him as it was for her. 

Astarion chuckled darkly against her neck. “Let’s see if you can live up to that.” His dick rocked forward against her again. He could feel how wet this game was making her and they had hardly done anything. Her body was always so responsive to him. It would be easy to become obsessed with those noises and movements she made when he pleasures her. 

“Spread those legs for me a little more, you sweet thing,” he said in a commanding tone. Her body obeyed instantly and it made him feel feral. She was a submissive little vixen and loved being told what to do. Astarion was all too happy to oblige that fantasy because it made him feel good too. His arms coiled around her even tighter and pulled her backside towards him as close as possible. 

“You’re doing well so far. Let’s see how much more you’ll be able to take,” he whispered tauntingly in her ear and started moving his dick against her wet slit in languid motions. Xalena’s head rolled back onto his shoulder as she gasped in pleasure. He couldn’t help but notice how her sensual noises heightened when his cock dragged against her clit. To her credit, she stayed still but she was practically panting for him, her chest heaving. He knew the slow pace he was setting was driving her mad. He always loved starting slow like this for that reason alone. Without fail, she would resort to begging him to go faster or rougher. 

Not being able to help himself, he positioned the head of his cock to her soaking hole. He moved it against her in circular, teasing motions. Xalena made that whimpering sound that drove him crazy. That sound awoke something in him. It made him want to do things to her just so he could hear her repeating it over and over. He would be the only one to make her body sing like this. That sound was his. 

While she still wasn’t bucking her hips, she shivered in excitement as he alternated between hitting her clit and her entrance. She was going to reach her limit soon and frankly so would he. So Astarion stopped moving. “I didn’t think you would have it in you. So determined to be a good slut for me. Would you like me to fuck you like this, love?”

“Please…” she whined in desperation. 

“So polite. Tell me how wet you are for me first. Entice me, dear.”

“I’m…so wet for you. I want you inside me so badly that I’m soaking.” 

“Very good,” he said as he took her earlobe between his teeth for a quick pinch of pain. “Do you want your reward now?” Astarion’s hips moved forward, his cock finally moving into her.

Xalena let out a surprised moan through labored breathing. “Yes!” 

He could feel her pussy pulsing in excitement, waiting to be pounded into. Astarion couldn’t help but let out a carnal groan. “Good girl.”

He finally allowed himself to move. He could feel how warm and soft she was as his cock moved in and out of her. He was met with very little resistance even when her cunt was thoroughly worshiped last night by his dick and his tongue. His pleasure heightened at the fact she was still so ready for him, her hole greedily waiting for more. Fucking her on her side while her back was facing him didn’t allow for as much freedom of movement compared to some other positions. But he could tell she loved how close his body was to her. How she felt every movement against her. He liked this because it gave him such easy access to her body. 

His hands moved all around the expanse of her torso. One hand moved up to cup her breast and the other moved down to her stomach. They circled her skin and he could feel her clenching around his length. He moaned at how tight she felt and rewarded her by touching those sensitive points on her body. His fingers moved in between her legs to reach her clit and to the center of her breast where her hardened nipples were. Both of his hands worked in tandem with a precision he had developed while he studied her body last night in their collective ecstasy. Astarion was a quick learner when it came to finding those areas that made people quiver in excitement. He was very determined to find every single one of those points on her body so he would be able to get her the most pleasure possible. It was quite obvious that Xalena was doing the same thing. Trying to find ways to get him to snap and lose control until he could only focus on finding his own peak with her.  

Xalena was moaning his name repeatedly while he continued to touch her and move his dick inside of her. One of her hands clutched onto his forearm like it was a lifeline. Her head rolled back into his shoulder and her back arched. She was so beautiful like this, utterly falling apart and losing herself as he worshiped her. 

Just under all the desperate whimpers and moans he could hear her pulse elevating as her arousal was heightening. He could practically feel his mouth watering as he remembered the taste of her blood. He imagined for a second what this would be like if he allowed himself to feed from her while they did this. Astarion knew the orgasm she would experience would have her screaming and writhing as he drank from her. But for this morning, he would settle for the intoxicating feeling of his fangs scraping against her skin and his tongue licking her bite wounds. 

The assault he was performing on her clit, breasts, neck, and cunt was making her quiver. Her moans getting gradually more unrestrained and needy. She was very close and he could feel himself getting closer with her. “Show me how much you want this,” he growled roughly in her ear. “Cum for me, my dear. I want to feel you tighten around me so I fill you up yet again.” Every part of his body moved faster and rougher to bring her over the edge. His fingers circled around her quicker, he bit the back of her shoulder just hard enough to not break skin, and he pounded into her wildly. It wasn’t too long before he could feel her cunt fluttering around his length. 

Fuck. Astarion’s eyes rolled into the back of his head at the feeling. The way she fell apart for him, loudly moaning and squirming around him, was his breaking point. His orgasm reached its peak and his seed spilled into her. Astarion let out another groan against her skin. He let himself relish in how amazing he felt as he continued to rock himself into her slowly. Their chests were both rising and falling as their orgasms settled down. Somehow, even though he didn’t have a single breath to lose in his undead body, he felt the need to calm himself down with her. 

Astarion kissed the crown of her head gently as she was coming down from her high. Gods, she was so perfect and she wasn’t even trying. “Can we start every morning like that?” He asked with a very intentional sultry tone. 

He could feel the vibration of her chuckle against his chest in response. “I’m not sure that would be very practical. But I cannot deny that it certainly would feel rather amazing.” 

Begrudgingly, she lifted herself off of him. He almost felt empty without her walls surrounding him. But she very well made up for it by turning to face him and planting a drawn-out kiss on his lips. That was the only other disadvantage of that position; not being able to kiss those lovely lips nearly as easily. One of his hands moved through her hair and into her scalp as she continued her searing kiss. When she wasn’t being sweet or gentle, she kissed him with so much passion. It was consuming and delicious in all the ways he loved. As she finally broke the kiss, her arm wrapped around him and rested her head against his chest. Both of Astarion’s hands rested on her hips and draped a leg over hers. 

“Let’s take a day off,” Astarion impulsively proposed. He wanted more of this. So much so it was distracting. 

“Tempting,” Xalena mused. “Gale is expecting us soon though. Even one day could potentially put us off schedule.”

“Oh fuck Gale. He can wait for a whole week for all I care. If you’re really that worried about it, we can send him a message.” He tried to make it all sound as convincing as he could. Astarion decided then and there that he would do just about anything to get her to stay in this bed with him today. 

She looked up at him with a contemplative face that indicated she was thinking too hard about this for his liking. “I’m aware this is rather selfish of me, but just stay here with me. Let me have a day where I can just enjoy being with you. As much as I love traveling with you, we’ve been going nonstop for nearly a month. Don’t we both deserve a day to do nothing in bed together?” 

Her face softened at his honied words and her mouth gaped just a bit as if she was a little lost for words. Astarion knew then she had no good excuse to deny him other than the sake of their arbitrary schedule. Not when he knew she wanted this as well. 

“I suppose we can delay our trip for one more day,” she relented. Astarion could feel his smile growing more broad when the words left her lips. Without a second thought, he brought her closer and hugged her. His lips kissed the center of her forehead in gratitude. 

“Thank you for humoring my unexpected request. You’re perfect darling.”

“I’m far from perfect, but I am yours all the same.”

Astarion kissed her again on the lips for a fleeting second. “I’ll take care of everything. All you have to do is wait eagerly for me to get back.” 

She gave him one of those beautiful and effortless smiles. “That won’t be too hard. Although, I would like a warm bath. I’ll draw one for us by the time you get back.”

The way she said the word ‘us’ made him practically pur against her neck. “I think I’d rather like that as well, darling.”

—

“Well, well, well, look what the vampire dragged in,” Gale Dekarios welcomed. 

“Gale!” Xalena called out as she ran towards him with excitement in her step. 

Astarion and Xalena had finally made it to Waterdeep. They were currently meeting up with Gale on the outskirts of town in a tavern where he would teleport them to his wizard tower. Xalena hadn’t seen Gale in person for about 4 years, but they stayed in contact semi-monthly through letters. Correspondence had admittedly slowed down a lot when she started to hunt down the Mind Flayers. 

She made her approach towards his seat at the bar and she eagerly brought her arms around his torso in a quick hug. Age had changed just about all of her companions in one way or another, but more so her human friends. While she knew Gale was in his early 60s, he didn’t look a day over 40. The only thing that maybe would give him away was the amount of gray in his hair. Otherwise, she didn’t really know how he did it. Possibly some appearance-changing magic or maybe everyone in the Dekarios family aged like fine wine. 

“Xalena! It’s been too long my friend. Have you been keeping well? This Mind Flayer business must be exhausting. Speaking of, I heard you had quite the scare, I’m glad you’re okay.”

“Trust me I am too. The past 2 years have been more taxing than I care to admit, but it looks to me that it might come to an end sooner rather than later. I think after this I’ll retire from saving everyone from murderous Mind Flayers. Enough about me, how are you, Mr. Family Man?” She jested at him with a toothy smile. Gale had married a rather famous human wizard named Odette Silversong not too long ago. She apparently had just as much bad history with Mystra as Gale did and they very quickly bonded. From Xalena’s understanding, they were friends for the longest time before deciding to settle down together. The wedding was jaw-droppingly over the top between their refined tastes and their magical talents, but romantic all the same. It just goes to show there is no age when it comes to love. Xalena was so happy for him. She was unsure if it would happen to Gale given his relentless study of Netherese artifacts since the Nether Brain was defeated. 

“We’re doing well. I’m still continuing to teach and the wife is busy as always. Odette sends her regards to you both. She’s currently on a book tour so she apologizes that she couldn’t welcome you. But she did insist that you both come back to the city after she wraps things up in Neverwinter. So you’ll just have to settle for me and Tara during your stay.” Xalena was excited to see the Tressym again. Tara got easier and easier to win over every time she came to visit Gale in Waterdeep. She made sure to pack some treats just for her when they got there.

“And how have you been Astarion? It was nearly time for our yearly check-in anyway, but I’m glad you’ve decided to come early.”

“I am doing rather well, thanks for asking,” Astarion said dismissively. Xalena observed that his eyes flickered between Gale’s hand still on Xalena’s arm and Gale’s face, giving him a piercing death glare. Interesting. 

Gale moved his hand away from her but looked very amused by Astarion’s cold tone. Like this was what he anticipated to happen.  

“I’ll be right back, darling. There was something I saw something on the way into town that I wanted to check out.” Before she could get the chance to ask if he wanted her to come with her, he kissed her cheek and sauntered away.

Gale openly laughed at her when they were left alone. “What’s so funny, weave-eater?” Xalena said defensively with a flushed face.

“How long did it take?”

“How long did what take?”

“For you both to fall hopelessly in love again. I knew it was only a matter of time before you were all over each other.”

“Shut up. For your information, it took me almost an entire month for me to cave. It’s rather easy to do when you spend every waking moment together for 25 days straight,” she said with obvious annoyance. “By the way, that reminds me, I’m supposed to be mad at you! I can’t believe you’ve been lying by omission for 10 years! How could you not tell me about the sunstone?”

Gale’s amused face turned serious at her words, his eyes full of regret. “Look Xalena, I really wanted to tell you. I almost didn’t help him at all because of what he did to you. Astarion was very determined for you not to find out. He even drafted up a contract for me to sign and everything. But now that you know, we can talk about it. We can get into it more later but just know no matter how disappointed you were that he didn’t tell you, Astarion’s disappointment was multiplied tenfold. He never said it, but it was easy to see he wanted to tell you more than anyone. You were the person he wanted to talk about the sunstone with first, that much was clear.”

Xalena’s anger was quick to subside. It made sense why she hadn’t found out from Gale now. Astarion, if anything, was a stubborn male. Making a contract to ensure Gale wouldn’t speak of the sunstone to her seemed like a very Astarion thing to do. “I’m sorry I snapped,” Xalena sighed. “He explained everything to me on the way here. I forgive you both now so don’t worry about it. I didn’t think you would’ve had it in you to constantly lie to my face anyway. You’re one of the worst liars I know.”

“Guilty as charged. I never viewed that as a bad trait though.” 

“Having fun, are we?” Astarion suddenly asked. 

Xalena jumped in surprise. “Gods I’ll never get used to how sneaky you are, stop making my poor heart race.”

“But that’s what I do best, darling,” he said with a wink and a wicked smile.

“Where did you go?”

“You’ll see. Now, shall we get going?”

Gale rose up from his seat at the bar. “Yes, we shall. Hold on tight dear friends.”

Astarion and Xalena took either of Gale’s hands. A flash of purple light washed over them and within a blink of an eye, their surroundings shifted to the cozy wizard tower she had become so familiar with over the years. 

“Let’s get this party started. I have food for you both!” Gale said with clear mirth in his tone. 

—

“So what’s the plan? You have received the intel from my spies, yes?” Astarion asked over the dinner table. 

The trio had been dining on the meal Gale had prepared for them upon their arrival. It was very nice to eat a home-cooked meal as she caught up with her old friend. Xalena mused that Gale’s cooking skills had improved remarkably since the last time he cooked for her. She assumed Odette being brutally honest with him had something to do with it. 

Gale mostly filled them in on some fun stories that had happened over the years. Tara joined them as soon as the food hit the dinner table. Xalena couldn’t help but discreetly feed her as they all conversed. But now it was time to turn to why they were actually there in the first place. To kill that damn wizard that was responsible for the Mind Flayer epidemic. 

“I have. Between that and my own work, I’ve been able to pinpoint where this wizard may be hiding. He didn’t go far from Blackstaff Tower that much I know. He did a lousy job at covering his tracks while he escaped. I think he might be using some kind of pocket dimension to hide. What we need is a way to draw him out if that is actually the case. Either that or we use ourselves as bait and fall right into his hands” 

“Have there been any reports of any Mind Flayers around the city? Has anyone disappeared recently?” Xalena asked.

“There have been sightings of small Mind Flayer colonies beyond the city walls, but they were all the same as the others we’ve seen over the past 2 years. There have been no Mind Flayers in the city since Astarion’s spies first found the lab. People disappearing though, yes. There was a man who was recently reported missing yesterday actually. Do you think we should investigate?”

Xalena brought her fingers under her chin in contemplation of the new information. “If we can retrace his steps maybe it’ll give us a better picture. How many people have gone missing in the city?” 

“Five total in Waterdeep.”

“I’d like to see if there’s any commonality between the victims in terms of their last known whereabouts. If there haven’t been any sightings, it has to be a place where they can get in and out quickly.” 

Gale nodded at Xalena. “That’s a sound idea.” 

“I agree. When we find him, what does the city want us to do with him? Can we just kill him?” Astarion asked.

“The city would prefer him alive, but given the nature of the crime, he is wanted dead or alive.” 

Astarion’s small half-smile fell in disappointment. “Potentially less blood to spill, how boring,” Astarion pouted. 

Xalena jokingly rolled her eyes at him. “Only you would complain that there’s less killing to do.” At least fighting with the Vampire Ascendant will make things far easier. Did you know that he took on 30 Mind Flayers by himself on the way here? Utterly insane this one.”

“You never fail to amaze Astarion,” Gale beamed at him.  

“Yes, I am quite amazing, aren’t I?” He laced his words with a kind of sarcastic arrogance that made Xalena chuckle. Astarion’s eyes drifted to hers with a calculating expression on his face. All of a sudden, he rose from his seat at the table. “Well we should really get going, thank you for your hospitality tonight Gale old friend.”

“Wait, aren’t we staying the night?” 

Astarion took Xalena’s hand with unnatural speed. “No. I’m afraid we must get going. Let's meet near Blackstaff Tower around noon?”

“That’s fine by me. Are you sure you don’t want to stay the night? The guest bedroom is all ready for you both.”

“Ta-Ta Gale!” Astarion waved while he all but dragged Xalena down the stairs.

“Sorry Gale, see you tomorrow!” She tried to yell out before reaching the door. 

Astarion’s grasp didn’t leave her wrist as they continued to walk through the city streets. He marched forward with a sense of urgency and determination in his step that she hadn’t seen before.

“Where are we going?” She asked in confusion. “We told him we’d be staying the night, why are we leaving so suddenly?”

“You’ll see,” he said gritting his teeth. He had said that earlier that day as well.

Despite being flabbergasted by his behavior, Xalena decided to leave it alone. It wasn’t too long before she started to recognize the street they were speed-walking on. They were just here hours ago when they met Gale. As they reached the end of the block, Astarion dragged her into a rather expensive-looking hotel. Astarion kept on marching forward through the entrance. He didn’t even check in at the reception desk, he just continued to lead the way to the hotel room he somehow already had a key for. 

The door unlocked and he rushed them both inside the room. Xalena had absolutely no time to comprehend what was happening before Astarion shoved her against the closed door and his lips crushed into hers. 

His kiss was demanding, consuming, and assertive. It was like he was starved of her lips and he was devouring them. She couldn’t even keep up with him since she was still recovering from the walk over her. Xalena moaned into his mouth as soon as her mind and her body were caught up with each other. 

Astarion moved his hands to her hips and groaned in what sounded like relief. When he finally pulled away, Xalena was gasping for air. He looked down at her with a smug look on his face. 

“Much better.”

Chapter Text

The way she smiled at Gale infuriated him and Astarion knew he was all the more irrational for it. Gale was a married man for hells sake. But he coaxed those smiles out of her so easily that he snapped. So now here they were in this damn hotel room he impulsively rented as soon as they got into town. He knew he’d need for them to have some privacy. That he would go mad if he wasn’t able to make her think nothing but him for the rest of the night. To replace every single one of those smiles she gave another man with other reactions only he could give her. 

Astarion took her chin in between his thumb and his index finger and lifted her face to look up at him. He admired her flushed cheeks and the sound of her heart racing before saying, “I don’t share, darling. Didn’t you know that vampires are possessive creatures? I couldn’t stand the thought of him being in the same vicinity as you when I fuck you tonight.”

Her expression didn’t betray her but the way her heart skipped a beat did. “What about all those people at the inn? They could probably hear us very well when we were there.”

“Ah, but I had a couple of scrolls of silence that I used so nobody would be able to hear you. I just didn’t tell you because I love how you slowly but surely become less and less restrained with those noises when you get closer to your climax.”

Xalena was gapping at his admission and more blood rushed to her freckled cheeks. “I can’t believe you,” she scolded. “But we could’ve asked Gale to do the same for his guest room if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“While that is true, I just want you all to myself. I get green with jealousy every time you give him one of those pretty smiles of yours. Just the thought of you sleeping in bedsheets that smell vaguely like him makes me lose all reason. This is what you do to me, love. It is entirely selfish of me, but something deep inside me wants to keep you close and push away anyone who even slightly threatens that.” Astarion gave her a teasing bite at her exposed collarbone. It was hard to miss the way she shivered when the cold enamel of his teeth dragged against her skin. 

“How can I convince you that those ‘pretty smiles’, as you call them, don’t mean anything? That I’m wholly yours and I only want you?” 

Gods this woman would be the end of him. 

“You just have to let me pleasure you until you can think of nothing else but me and how good I make you feel.” 

Xalena nodded eagerly at him and brought her mouth to his. Astarion let out a hum of approval at the way her lips moved against his own. He soon swiped his tongue over her lips, hungry to taste her again. Her mouth opened to comply with his request and she let out a moan of pleasure into his mouth. Cold fingers moved into her scalp while his thumb swept over her heated cheeks in an attempt to somehow deepen the kiss. 

His other hand moved to undo the laces over her pants with expert dexterity. Her breath caught as soon as he moved his hand towards her core. Calloused fingertips brushed her clothed clit with an intentional light pressure that was a whisper of what was to come. Perhaps without realizing it, Xalena bucked her hips forward, needy for more friction. Astarion let out an amused sound. This is what he needed. To see her slowly but surely fall apart into his touch. 

He moved his hand out of her pants and she let out that whimpering sound he loved so much. Xalena was light as a feather when he lifted her by her thighs. Astarion sat her on the edge of the bed and he went down on his knees before her. When he earned his freedom from Cazador, he swore he would kneel for nobody ever again. The sight of Xalena trembling and panting from her arousal was an exception to that declaration. She was the only one who would get the Vampire Ascendant to do this. He wanted her to feel powerful at the sight of him begging to taste her like this. 

Her blue and red eyes darkened in excitement for him. His hands worked to pull off her boots and slide off her pants. She was already working on removing her long-sleeved black tunic, pulling it over her head. Astarion’s clothing covering the top half of his body soon followed. He loved the way she looked at his chest, how she looked at all of him. His body was sculpted to lure people in. Everyone looked at him with hunger in their eyes. He’d thought he’d seen every reaction he could over the centuries of seducing people. But she was special. Yes, there was excitement in that face, but it was so obvious how much she loved him. She knew how big of a deal this was for him. And he knew that if he decided to stop right now she would be more than more than willing to accept that. She was a lover who cared more about his well-being than anything else. 

Astarion slowly stroked the expanse of her toned legs, the drag of his fingers lingering on her inner thighs. He then grabbed ahold of her calves and guided them over his shoulders. Xalena didn’t even need to be told to spread her legs. “So ready for me,” he said while examining her wet cunt. Astarion unconsciously licked his lips while he remembered the taste of her. Even better, how her blood and her arousal mixed together was practically an aphrodisiac. 

His eyes drifted up to her again, but his mouth stayed dangerously close against her folds. "Mine," said almost on instinct. 

Xalena's gaze locked onto his before he started to devour her with his tongue. Tonight, his goal was not to drag out her pleasure as long as possible. It was to claim her. To make her remember how much he needed her on a primal level. 

First, he fucked her with his tongue to taste the source of it all with his lips making a seal around her opening. She cried out his name so many times as he continued to lick her. He felt her hips riding against his face in an attempt to get closer. He couldn’t help but let out a moan of his own when she did that. She must’ve felt the vibration of the sound he made because it was met with a hand grasping his hair. Astarion growled against her again as she urged him on. 

He decided to reward her with fast circular strokes around her clit. Xalena moaned out even louder, surely getting close to the precipice of her climax. Astarion pulled back just a second to say, “cum for me darling.” His index and middle fingers were brought to her wet cunt and he shoved them inside with ease. Between how he fucked her with his fingers and the harsh suck he made around her clit, he felt her come undone. Xalena’s body trembled, he felt her walls pulsing rapidly around his fingers. The sounds she made were lovely, moaning and whimpering as he wrung out every sensation he could out of her. 

As soon as her breathing calmed down, he pulled out of her and crawled on top of her body still laying on the edge of the bed. His lips met hers again, making her taste the arousal that she made for him. Her body utterly melted into his own as their lips moved together in perfect synchronization. It wasn’t too long before she started to untie the strings of his pants and slowly stripped the rest of his clothing off. Amongst the kissing and relishing in the sensation of skin against skin, Astarion didn’t comprehend the way she was moving. Slowly but surely, she positioned herself in the same position he had been in moments ago: on her knees before him. Fuck. 

The sight filled his senses with lust. It was maddening. She looked so submissive but there was also an air of power to her in this position. He knew she could make him so weak while taking him in her mouth. As lovely as the image was, he felt some hesitancy. During his time as a spawn, he couldn’t remember when he was on the receiving end of being pleasured. 

Before his thoughts pulled him away the stroke of her warm hand against his thighs brought him back. “Is it okay if I make you feel good too?” 

“I-“ he started, “it’s not something I’m used to. But I want to try it… with you.”

Xalena smiled at him with a softness he didn’t expect. “Just tell me if you want to stop. It’s only fun if you feel good, okay?” 

Astarion nodded at her with a gaping mouth. 

Xalena kept her eyes on him as she kissed him all around his chest, slowly moving down to his abdomen. Her kisses were like liquid fire spreading on his cold skin. He used that sensation to ground him back to the present. He was safe. He was loved. He wanted her. She wanted him. 

Just when the kisses were starting to get agonizing, she finally moved down towards his cock. She stared at it for a minute and licked her lips, just he he did for her. There was a genuine hunger in her eyes, her mouth let out a warm shaky exhale against him. Those eyes lifted back up to meet his gaze again. Gods she looked so attractive when she looked up at him like that. Astarion observed her finally bringing her lips to kiss the head of his dick with a gentle brush of her lips. She then dragged her tongue against him, focusing on the spots that were the most sensitive. Her tongue moved across the head in short and quick licks. Astarion shuttered against her, one of his hands ended up in her hair and grasping onto her. The movement seemed to give her the encouragement she needed to start taking him into her mouth.

Astarion let out a groan as soon as he felt the warmth of her mouth around him. Her lips curled around the head of his cock while her tongue still swirling around him like he was some treat. He couldn’t help but test the waters by gently forcing her to take more of his length inside of her. She let out a surprised noise that quickly turned into a moan that vibrated against him. Astarion could see the tears welling up in her eyes as she continued to take more of him into her mouth. At this point, he could feel the back of her throat. While she seemed a little inexperienced at this, he was impressed her gag reflex wasn’t worse. “You take me so well,” he praised. 

She let out another moan around him in response. The praise always made her more aroused. Just the fact that she was this eager to pleasure him like this made that animalistic slide of him purr. Not able to help himself, he thrust himself into her mouth with a teasing snap of his hips. She was taking all of him inside of her and the sight of her drooling with his cock stuffed in her made him nearly lose it. “Can I please fuck your mouth, darling?” 

She nodded as much as she could and let out a whimper. That was all the permission he needed before tightening his grasp on her hair and fucked his dick lazily into her mouth. With each thrust, Astarion could feel his arousal growing and growing. The way she relentlessly pressed her tongue against his length only made him want to go faster. He looked down at her, she was trying her best to keep up with him. Salvia continued to drop down the corners of her lips, her eyes wet with tears. As a droplet rolled down from her eye his other hand wiped it away. He caressed her cheek as she continued to take him. “You’re so good at this my sweet,” he groaned with a guttural voice. Astarion felt himself building and building, he wouldn’t be able to take it anymore. “Do you want to swallow my cum?” 

 “Mmm,” she hummed enthusiastically. 

“Then take it all like the good girl you are,” he growled. The heat moving through his body was coming to a precipice as he said those words. Xalena’s hands wandered up to clutch the backs of his thighs and she moaned around him again. A few more thrusts and he spilled himself into her mouth. He let out a rough moan as white-hot pleasure coursed through every part of his being. The thrusts into her mouth gradually slowed down as he came down from his high. 

While he relished in the feeling of his orgasm, Astarion continued to admire the sight before him. Xalena swallowed everything he gave her and licked him until there was nothing left. His cock moved out of her mouth with a popping sound. She looked utterly ravishing. Strands of her hair had fallen out of place right where he was gripping her with his hands. Her cheeks were flushed with heat. Her lips were slightly swollen and glistening. Her chest heaved up and down as she looked up at him. There was something like satisfaction that graced her expression when she noticed him studying her. 

Astarion assisted her in getting up from the floor and she crawled right on top of his thighs, her legs wrapping around his pelvis. The heat from her body invaded him, replacing the cold that constantly lived there. He snaked his arms around her tighter and she let her head rest in the crook of her neck. They just sat on the edge of the bed like that for a while. Both of them were content to stay like this without the rush of lust that took over both their bodies moments ago. 

The fatigue of their tryst and their journey was catching up to them both it seemed. Astarion noticed Xalena’s eyelids becoming heavier. With strong arms, he hauled her towards the pillows so they could both lay in bed. “As much as I had planned to continue doing that with you, I think we should call it a night, my love.”  

Xalena removed her face resting on his neck to look at him. “I have no objections to that,” she said smiling brightly. 

But just as soon as her grin came, it quickly morphed into something like discomfort. She clutched her body and curled inwards, a hissing sound coming out of her mouth. 

That blissful feeling that filled his body now turned into a cold dread as pain became apparent in her expression. Astarion rushed to grab ahold of her with panic in his movements. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

She let out a shaky exhale and her body immediately relaxed. Astarion caught a glimpse of fear in her eyes that she quickly masked away. “Are you okay?” He asked as he moved his hand to cup her cheek.

“I-” Xalena stuttered in confusion, “I don’t know. Every part of me felt like I was on fire and now I’m fine. I’ve never felt anything like that before…”

Astarion tried to calm down his racing thoughts. For a second, he expected the worst. He already watched her nearly die not too long ago when those slavers captured her. His mind raced back to when he was at her bedside, trying to help her fight for her life from that poison she was given. 

“I’m no expert, but I know enough to guess that is not normal. Do you want to see a healer?”

Despite what just happened, Xalena let out a soft chuckle. “You forget I am a healer… kind of. I’ll keep an eye on it. If it happens again we can go to a proper healer, I promise,” she whispered softly against him. “I appreciate your concern. I’m not going anywhere.”

She always saw right through him. He could feel his shoulders release the tension he didn’t know he was holding when she said those words. The need to hold her tighter overcame him and his arms found purchase around her waist. Soon, he felt her hands stroking his back in calming motions. How ironic that she was comforting him even though she was the one in pain. 

He inhaled her scent to remind himself she was really here and she wasn’t going to disappear. Astarion’s lips pressed gently against her forehead. “I love you.”

The feeling of her smile returning against his skin was unmistakable. “I love you too.”

—

Xalena wanted to murder this wizard badly. 

It was horrible enough that this person was sending out Mind Flayers into the world with questionable motivations. But now he was a pain in the ass to truly track down. While Gale was correct that the wizard did a poor job at covering his tracks in his escape against Astarion’s spies, they found that traces of magic he left behind tended to disappear without a trace, leaving his exact location a mystery. However, in many alleyways and abandoned buildings around Blackstaff Tower, Gale was able to detect pocket dimensions, proving his hypothesis accurate. It didn’t seem like an easy task on Gale’s part. Xalena knew it wasn’t as easy as a detect magic spell. Her old friend tried explaining to her what he was doing but it went right over her head. The matters of the arcane were not her strong suit. 

The revelation of these portals most definitely explained how the Mind Flayers have been kidnapping people unnoticed. It also lined up with what they found out regarding the missing citizens of Waterdeep. After investigating, nearly all of the victims were last seen in the area or were known to live near the wizard tower. But now it was a matter of seeing where these portals led. Xalena, Astarion, and Gale had spent hours going through portal after portal trying to find some trace of anything Illithid. But they were met with endless areas of blank space and arcane energy every time. She was disoriented, to say the least. How Gale kept track of where they were in this labyrinth of pocket dimensions, she had no idea. 

Either way, she was starting to get frustrated. She was admittedly more exhausted than she normally would be and it made her all the more impatient to murder this man. Xalena decided to stop walking in the nearly endless void of magic and let out a groan. Astarion and Gale halted to face her. “You alright darling?” Astarion asked.

“This isn’t going anywhere. We’ll never find him at this rate,” she said with irritation laced in her tone.

“Don’t fret friend. I think we’re getting close. You see, I think there’s a specific order in which we need to enter each of the portals so if we just go through there-”

“Oh damn it all,” she growled. As easy as it was to breathe, she felt electricity zap around her fingers. 

“Gale, back up, now,” Astarion warned as he successfully guessed what was about to happen.

The two males retreated just in time for Xalena to call down lightning into the space in anger. The flashing light clashed against the floor of the pocket dimension. The thunderous boom came seconds later. That sound was always so satisfying to hear that sound. Although the spell successfully helped vent her anger, what she did not expect was the hole that was created in the pocket dimension right where her lightning was brought down. As the smoke dissipated, the trio looked at each other in disbelief as they looked down at the unmistakable Mind Flayer pods down below. 

“No fucking way,” Xalena said.

Astarion let out a rich laugh. “Truly brilliant, darling.”

“A happy accident I suppose,” she mused. 

“I’ll say,” Gale said. “Must be some illusion magic? So fascinating. This must’ve taken years to perfect.”

“Oh stop admiring the man’s handiwork and let’s kill the bastard,” Astarion scolded.  

Xalena and Gale nodded in response. 

The trio lept down the gaping hole Xalena tore into to find just what they were looking for. As she looked around, this lab looked so much like the Mind Flayer colony at Moonrise Towers. The pods that graced the walls made her shiver as she could see rotting corpses trapped inside. Failed experiments possibly? Maybe dying in that pod would be a better fate than turning into a Mind Flayer. 

Xalena and her friends crouched down low on the floors of Illithid slime and found their luck continuing when they spied a pool of Mind Flayer tadpoles. Another familiar sight. It was the first thing she saw when she woke up on the Nautiloid all those years ago. They all looked down inside the pool to see hundreds of tadpoles swimming around in there. It made her sick to even think about how many people this man would sacrifice to make more Mind Flayers. And at such an alarming rate too. The modification of these tadpoles was obvious when she observed the anatomy of the worms. They were slightly bigger but also longer in length. Given the rate at which the Mind Flayers were appearing throughout the years, changing their anatomy might make them better able to infect their hosts and turn them. 

With the snap of her fingers, she lit the pool on fire without hesitation. Astarion and Gale didn’t question her they moved toward what looked to be the largest part of the lab. The shrieks from the worms became more distant as they were slowly burned to cinders. Good riddance to them. 

“I have no doubt we’re being watched somehow. Prepare for anything. Astarion, do you think you’ll be able to compel him? I’m sure there’s Mind Flayers here and we can’t have him getting away again. Gale and I can deal with them while you focus on preventing him from escaping.”

“Just focusing on him will be easy. Extending my compulsion to Mind Flayer may be more difficult depending on their numbers especially if we don’t want to trigger my bloodlust.”

“What good is an archdruid and an archmage if not to be really good at killing Mind Flayers with magic,” Gale said with a cocky grin. 

“Use something like your sussur dagger just in case too,” Xalena added. “Well, here goes nothing.”

They ventured into the lab further, keeping low and quiet as they went. But it appeared nobody was home. Thinking it was safe, Xalena started to ease up on her stealth. Gale however yanked her hand down. Before she could question what was happening, Gale whispered, “Ignis.”

Flames gathered in Gale’s hands and motioned his quarterstaff right in front of them. A fireball reigned down from the sky to meet the invisible targets. Mind Flayers. Huge Mind Flayers that looked thirsty for blood, or rather brains, despite being licked by Gale’s flames

“Greater invisibility,” Xalena muttered. She glanced over towards Astarion who gave her a curt nod as he started to load his crossbow with arrows of arcane interference.  

She took that as her cue to call forth her own magic. She felt the energy of life itself flowing through her veins to call upon what she needed. “Voco vinae,” she willed. Bursting through the lab gasping vines broke through the walls and the floors reaching for anything they touched. One by one, more and more Mind Flayers became entangled in the vines. 

Between Gale’s spreading fire and Xalena’s thorned vines, it wasn’t before long they heard a very human shouting. Astarion must’ve somehow heard it before she did because Astarion’s arrow shot true into the shoulder of the wizard they were looking for: Cornelius Nocturne.   

Chapter Text

“Don’t move. You will not fight back in any way. You will speak when I tell you to do so.” 

Cornelius Nocturne struggled with the arrow of arcane interference effectively silencing him. Xalena only caught a brief glance of her handiwork with her vines curling around his limbs before she returned her efforts to kill the rest of the Mind Flayers. A man who has caused so much death and chaos for 2 years was reduced to nothing with an arrow and three undeniable commands from the world’s strongest vampire. Nobody stood a chance against Astarion and that included the Mind Flayers who became enraged by the wizard’s capture.

Mind Flayers were not loyal to humans. From her own experience, she could safely conclude they were self-serving creatures. But the way the Mind Flayers tried to fight through fire and vines to get to their creator was abnormal, to say the least. 

It wasn’t too long before the trio continued to tear through the monsters. Xalena continually concentrated on keeping them trapped in their restraints as Gale unleashed spells with potent intensity. And anything unlucky enough to escape their collective spell-casting was met with Astarion’s arrows and blades.

The last Mind Flayer died by her own hand. The slash of her adamantine scimitar across the creature's neck had its head rolling on the floor. A clean decapitation.

The three friends looked at each other and gathered themselves. Fortunately, there was minimal damage but Xalena patched them all up with the injuries they sustained. Their attention then turned to the mad wizard himself. 

“You will not lie to us. Tell me why you did this,” Astarion commanded.

“Heroes of Baldur’s Gate. What an honor,” the wizard said with weak sarcasm. “You were all witness to the Elder Brain. To the Mind Flayers that came down upon the city. I was there too. And I was inspired. The Mind Flayers are better than us in every single way. I thought, wouldn’t it be great if we were all like that? So I made my dream a reality.”

“That’s it? You think the Mind Flayers are superior creatures to us and we should all become like them? Turn into them?” Xalena asked.

“They’re some of the most intelligent creatures in existence. They came down upon societies and came out the other end on top. Imagine the advances we could make if we were all like them. The technologies that we could create.”

“Fucking hells you are mad,” Astarion rolled his eyes at him as if he were a mere annoyance. 

“How did you make them listen to you?” Gale inquired with curiosity. 

“I took their already perfect biological structure and made it better. And I made them worship me for it. They know nothing else other than me. It also helps that I can make them more docile and subservient by changing structures in their brains.” 

“So you commanded them to move across Faerun and progressively infect more people,” Xalena concluded. 

“Yes.” 

There was probably one more thing this man needed to answer before they killed him. “Where are the rest of them?”

“Records of all the Mind Flayer colonies are recorded over on my desk.” 

Xalena observed Astarion’s expression and she could tell they were thinking the same thing. She gave him a curt nod in understanding. She saw some hesitancy on Gale’s face, but he ultimately gave Astarion a more solemn confirmation. 

“If that’s all. You’re done.” That was the last thing that the wizard heard before Astarion thrust his short sword right through the wizard's heart. A clean and simple execution. 

“There’s no redeeming what he did. The knowledge he carries is better dead with him,” Xalena said. 

“Agreed.” 

—-

“That was fucking awful. I’m getting too old for this I think.” 

Astarion and Xalena had a brief celebration with Gale after handing the investigation over to the city watch of Waterdeep. What happened with the wizard’s lab and all the knowledge it held was all up to them. Xalena expressed concerns about that knowledge getting into the wrong hands and the need for tight regulation if the city officials in Waterdeep do want to make use of it for good. Astarion himself was just relieved that the Mind Flayer problem was put to rest and that his city was safe. 

“You're still as sharp as ever despite being 30 years older. And just as beautiful while killing too,” he mused with a wofish smile.

Xalena had it in her heart to break through her obvious fatigue to give him a bright smile. His ears were then graced with her lighthearted laugh that he loved so much. “So you do love the murderous look on my face. Is that what gets you going these days? Violence and gore?” 

“Everything about you gets me going, darling.” Astarion clutched her hips and did nothing to fight the urge to bring her closer.

“The feeling is mutual,” she said. 

Astarion easily brought his lips to hers again. He went practically the whole day without kissing her and he needed to make up for it. The feeling of his lips against hers was absolute bliss after a long day. Thankfully he hadn't used too much of his powers today so there was no need to worry about the impending blood lust associated with it.

He still couldn't believe he could have this with her. That they could spend the rest of their lives just like this if she wanted it. Astarion already knew he did. He never really thought about marriage at all in his life. It was typically a mortal tradition. He would’ve rolled his eyes at the idea before they met. But being the romantic that Xalena secretly was, Astarion had a feeling she wouldn’t mind one bit if he got down on one knee for her. He wasn’t sure how their relationship would work with her life span being limited. Maybe there was some way to link his life with hers without making her a spawn. Or maybe he would kill himself as soon as she died. Either way, no matter how much time they had, he wanted her there. 

Astarion’s mind very quickly conjured up a fantasy of them reading together in his secret library in the Crimson Palace as they cuddled up in an armchair. Dancing together in the ridiculously large ballroom that he otherwise hated doing anything with. Xalena cooking a meal for him in the kitchen. Maybe she could even help him run the city. She had a natural talent for public policy and she hardly even knew it herself. But at the end of the day, he knew that they would go on plenty more adventures together when her wanderlust eventually beckoned her beyond the city walls. They would do anything and everything together and he wouldn’t want it any other way.  

He’d never been so happy in his entire life with her around. Some days he thought these months with her were enough to make two centuries of suffering feel weightless. He never felt so wanted, so loved, so necessary to anyone-

Xalena suddenly winced in pain. She pulled back from him and clutched her chest. Astarion’s bliss quickly faded away as he tried to comprehend what was happening. Her breath quickened, and he could hear her heart racing rapidly. Too rapidly. Tears started to form in her eyes as she groaned louder and collapsed on the floor. 

Astarion all but rushed to where she fell to hold her up against him. “Xalena, what’s wrong?” He asked in a panic.

Her moans of pain only got worse. Her body shook against him. Astarion lifted a hand against her forehead and felt a sudden searing heat that was not there moments ago. At the same time, her breaths started to become shorter, her pulse beated faster than he had ever felt from another creature.

Not knowing what to do he quickly grabbed a potion from her pack and forced it down her throat. But it didn’t do anything. She continued to shake and cry. She was rendered completely incapable of movement or speech but he needed her to snap out of it. She was strong she would power through this. 

But Xalena let out a weak-sounding scream and then her body collapsed under him. Her limbs were completely limp. The searing heat of her skin was quickly fading to cold. 

No. 

No. No. No.

Astarion shook her as if his pure will would wake her up. 

“Xalena,” he said weakly.

No response. She just laid there in his arms, her eyes remained closed.

“ Xalena! ” There was a desperate sharpness to his tone. 

“Darling, wake up. Please wake up,” he begged.

Astarion quickly pressed his ear to her chest. And he stayed there for a while until he could hear one faint beat of her heart. He felt a tear fall down from his eye as heard that sound.

Alive. She was alive. 

But why was she rendered unconscious in the first place? Did she over-exert herself? Was she cursed? Would she ever wake up? Oh gods what if she was like this forever?

He felt the tears continue to stain his face as he tried and tried to get her heart beating faster. To get more air in her lungs. 

“Xalena please don’t leave me. You can’t die. I forbid you to die. Not like this” 

Nothing he did worked. She just stayed there. Alive but lifeless at the same time. He didn’t even want to risk draining her of all her blood in hopes she would come back as an undead vampire spawn. He never was able to bring anyone back before and he wouldn’t risk it when she was still alive. 

He couldn’t help but weep at the sight. It was too much to bear. He was the most powerful vampire in the world and he couldn’t do a thing to save her.

—-

“I don’t know what to tell you Astarion,” Shadowheart started. “Aside from her weak pulse and breathing, there isn’t anything physically wrong with her. I tried everything I could to get her strength up again but nothing worked. There’s no explanation for this that’s health-related.” 

Shadowheart came to Waterdeep with Laezel and Halsin as soon as they heard what was happening with Xalena. Wyll and Karlach had also stopped by for a night but they had to return to Avernus to calm down Karlach’s engine which still had not been 100% stabilized. They’d been talking with the pair every night for any updates via Gale’s magic.  

It had been two weeks and she was still unconscious. Astarion hadn’t left her side once. He feared the moment he left Gale’s guest room, she would disappear. He only stopped caring for her to eat occasional meals or find some way to distract himself. The time had passed slowly. Unbearably slowly. Astarion could laugh at himself for thinking that the three days she spent unconscious was the most worried he’s ever been if he had even an ounce of energy to laugh in the first place. 

“I agree with Shadowheart’s assessment. I’m sorry Astarion,” Halsin said regretfully. 

Halsin’s words felt like a death sentence. Even Laezel looked forlorn under the apparent anger on her face. 

Xalena had already seen many other healers and clerics in Waterdeep. Giving them the same answer Shadowheart and Halsin had just given them. 

“It’s odd though. She is alive but I can’t connect with her on a magical level. Xalena has the Oak Father’s blessing. But her Druid magic… it’s not there anymore. Even in states of comatose, people usually retain some level of magic within them. That does not appear to be the case with her.”

“So? What does that mean?” Astarion asked with a hint of agitation. 

“I don’t know. I wish I had an answer for you Astarion, truly I do. It’s like she’s… empty. For lack of a better term. The very essence of her life is gone.”

Astarion already knew she was empty. That she merely was just existing and not truly living. He didn’t need the Druid to remind him of that. 

“Astarion I hate to suggest this but maybe you could turn her so that she-“ Gale didn’t even get the chance to finish the sentence. 

“No.” Astarion growled, “She’s not able to consent to that. I will not make that choice for her. She might not even come back if I bite her.” 

Silence filled the room. The weight of that silence consumed him. That silence was condemning his love to a lifetime of unconsciousness. 

“Everyone, kindly get out… now.” 

Without question his companions left, leaving him alone with her again.  

As soon as the sound of footsteps retreated far enough he turned his full attention to her again. He knelt at the side of the bed and brought his face to the crook of her neck. “My darling…” he whispered as he stroked her hair. 

“I miss you so much. I know I’ve said it every day but I want you to hear it. I know you can hear me. I’m sick and tired of people telling me they don’t know what’s wrong. I promise you, I’ll find a way to get you to wake up. I’ll pay any price to get you back. 

“I want to hear that lovely voice telling me that you love me. I want to see your beautiful eyes. I spend the rest of my days with you. You’re all that matters to me. I don’t care about anything else like I care about you. I’d even die for you if it meant you’d come back. You don’t deserve this. It shouldn’t be like this. I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry…” 

He had not shed a tear since she fell into her coma. Trying his best not to show weakness in front of everyone else. Halsin and Shadowheart were some of the best healers he knew and they couldn’t do anything. If they couldn’t who would? Who could save his love from a fate far too cruel for her? 

Too consumed by his cries that he didn’t notice the plumes of fire circling in the corner of the room. But he did smell the smoke. But there was something different about the scent of this smoke. This wasn’t a normal fire. No, this fire stunk of the hells. 

“The mouse smiled brightly, it outfoxed the cat. Then down came the claw and that, love, was that.” A lullaby he’s heard once before. The unmistakable timber of that devil’s voice now ringing in his ears. 

Astarion’s head snapped up just to make sure he wasn’t going mad. 

“Hello, little vampling.”

Raphael was back from the dead. 

But Astarion soon realized the answer to his pleas was standing right before him. This was his last hope. It was like Raphael knew Astarion’s desperation to save Xalena was hanging by a thread. And knew it well before he did. 

A deal with the devil it is then.

Chapter Text

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead, devil?” 

“You may have bested me once, but trust me, it will never happen again.”

“And I suppose you’re here to take advantage of me in my state of despair. How convenient.” 

“Ah, but you don’t even know half of it, little vampling. Little do you know I’ve been waiting for this moment for far too long.”

Astarion narrowed his eyes at the devil before him. 

“I can’t believe it took us this long to get here. I’m surprised you had the restraint you did,” Raphael said gesturing to Xalena. “You’re drawn to her like a moth to flame. I can’t say I blame you, she is a sweet little thing.”

“Leave her out of this,” Astarion growled instantly.

“Oh but don’t you want to know why our dear Xalena is in the state she’s in? I think you’re well aware that I know the answer. I even know how you can save her.” 

“And I also assume you aren’t going to save her for free. I would be a fool to think otherwise.” 

“It’ll only cost you the power of 7000 souls.”

The ascension ritual…

“Explain.”

“You see, when you and little friends inconveniently killed me for the Orphic Hammer, every soul that I gained through the years became free of their contracts with me. So when I was brought back, I had to start from scratch. Thanks to your lovebird, the Crown of Karsus is still lost when it fell into the sea with the Nether Brain. Therefore I’m looking for ways to obtain large amounts of souls in a short amount of time. Which is why you, little vampling, came to mind. The current owner of those 7000 souls gained through the rite of profane ascension, the archdevil Mephistopheles, obviously would not give them away for free. So he made a little deal with me. If I could willingly get you to surrender the powers associated with the rite of profane ascension, he’d give me those 7000 souls.”

Astarion had never focused so hard on keeping his face stonecold than in this moment. He was oblivious to the fact that he was a pawn in a game between two devils. He found himself holding onto Xalena’s hand tighter.

“I knew that you’d never want to give that power up if I just walked up and asked you,” the devil continued. “After all, that power was all you cared about, wasn’t it? Even your little lovebird wouldn’t have been enough back then to pry that power away from you. So I found a way to make you care,” Raphael said with a dangerous tone in his voice. 

Astarion dared to quickly take his eyes off the devil to glance at the sunstone. A chill ran down his spine as he finally recognized the fire in the stone. The flames were completely ordinary at first glance, but there was something dark about them at their very core. It was fire he had only seen a handful of times. Hellfire. Shit.

“No…” Astarion started.

Even Raphael’s laughter truly sounded like it was born of the hells itself as he gave Astarion too amused of an expression for his liking. “You think you just happened to be lucky enough to stumble upon a way to make you experience emotion again? No, I’m the one who ensured you would find the ring I got for you. And I knew once you started feeling its effects you wouldn’t want to take it off. My plan almost worked instantly when you tried to beg your lover for forgiveness.” 

“That still doesn’t explain why she’s like this, devil. Why do you care if I begged her for forgiveness or not?” Astarion demanded. 

“Simple,” Raphael said with that smile that was only growing increasingly smug. “Because she’s the only thing you’d even consider giving up your power for. But do you ever figure out how that little ring works, little vampling?”

Of course he didn’t know how the fuck the sunstone worked. But Astarion just looked at him with pure wrath written on his expression instead of giving Raphael the pleasure of a response. 

“It takes small amounts of the souls around you to counteract your vampiric nature. Every living thing around you with a soul powers the stone. Not large amounts. It is hardly even noticeable if they are not in the proximity of the ring for long periods of time. Souls can even repair themselves of the damage since it’s so minuscule. But you’ve been spending every waking moment with this one, haven't you? That ring has been slowly but surely draining her soul after spending so much quality time together. You see, I figured anyone who would have their soul drained because of that ring would mean quite a lot to you. And trust me, the ring would only take the soul of someone very close to you. I knew it would be her soul though. Even the vampire ascendant you once were was obsessed with her. So, when the little bird’s soul finally arrived to me, I knew it was only a matter of time before you would start to panic. As you’ve observed, our friend’s body is still very much alive. But she will never wake up unless her soul returns to its vessel. In the meantime, her soul is mine to do as I wish” 

Xalena’s soul was being held captive by a devil and he had no idea. All this time he had been slowly but surely dooming her to an infernal kidnapping. Astarion didn’t know enough about infernal contracts and powers to even know how this sort of thing should be possible. Xalena hadn’t shown any signs of her soul deteriorating until the night they arrived in Waterdeep. Everything went downhill quickly after that. Astarion considered briefly what that revealed about her tenacity that she didn’t feel anything until recently. 

But all this information confirmed his fears that everything involving the sunstone was too good to be true. There was no way in the hells that he would get lucky enough to live a life like this. Where he could keep the powers of the ascension and actually be happy with her. To be in love with her. Before he found Xalena, he sentenced himself to a life of trying to deal with the consequences of his actions. He thought he didn’t deserve to love again after what he did. But when she came along, it became harder and harder to deny himself what he wanted despite not being any bit worthy of her. Astarion supposed it didn’t matter now anyway. Not with this revelation about the sunstone and what its true purpose was. 

“You know, I watched you rather closely these past three decades, Astarion. I’ve grown rather attached to you and your lover. You hoped and hoped that she would love you again for so long. Deep down, she did too. I was so eager to see you both collide again. But even then, you both were rather determined not to see each other again. I got very impatient waiting around so I started accelerating the process so you would inevitably succumb to your weakness for her. It was a good thing that the wizard was so eager to see his Illithid dreams come true. I was more than happy to take his soul to help along his vision. Our brave hero had just the reaction I’d hoped she’d have. She stayed away from the Gate for the longest time because of you. The Mind Flayers brought her closer and closer until she nearly died. Not my fault by the way. Those flesh traders nearly ruined my plans. Fortunately, you saved the day for me. And the rest is history!

“You can hope for another way to save her. I wouldn't consider killing me again if I were you. I’d be a fool to fall for that twice. I have someone ensure that your friends outside will not interrupt our deal. On top of that, the ring conveniently makes you so much weaker too. Even then, I could just burn her soul to cinders right now if I really wanted to. Hope will always burn you in the end, little mouse. So instead of getting your hopes up, shall we make a deal?” 

The lack of hesitation he felt about this would’ve surprised him all those decades ago. But he needed her back, no matter the cost. Astarion was fully prepared to give up his own life just so she could live again. “So I surrender my powers to you and you return Xalena’s soul to her body?”

With the snap of Raphael’s fingers, an infernal contact appeared out of thin air. “The details are all right here.”

The parchment with glowing red ink floated through the air. Astarion glanced over at it once and then three more times for good measure. There was only one detail that wasn’t specifically laid out. “After giving up my powers, do I go back to being a spawn again?”

“You will return to your original state before the ritual as a vampire spawn, yes. If you were hoping to go back to being mortal, the time for that has long passed.” 

Astarion nodded in understanding. It would be nice to imagine a world where he could die by natural means. Not a stake through the heart or walking in broad daylight. Gods, he would miss the sun. That and not feeling that aching hunger constantly. But he would not miss them nearly as much as he would miss not having her in his life. Besides, Astarion knew the moment she was ready, she would start planning how they might get him walking in the sun again. 

As for all the other powers, he knew it would be easy to let them go. He realized long ago that he was perfect just as he was. But this journey with Xalena helped solidify that thought in his mind. Astarion only wished that when they were infected with the tadpoles, the words Xalena offered him penetrated his thick skull. Now he could see that the world wasn’t always out to get him. He also knew he could rely on himself without the powers of the rite and it was also okay to rely on others. And he now had a partner who wanted him to rely on her. A partner who was dependable and caring in all aspects. Astarion knew then and there that he would sacrifice any power in the world to get that back. He would never be able to replace her. 

The vampire ascendant was so very wrong that his love for her was a weakness. That it was something to destroy until there was nothing left. No, his love for her was the greatest power of all. And the only power he needed. 

“Consider the deal done, devil,” Astarion said with as much confidence as he could muster.

“Not going to put up a fight? No inner turmoil to battle with? Truly lovely. A romance for the history books,” Raphael taunted. 

Astarion only scoffed at the devil’s theatrics. “I will applaud you and your overly complicated plan. You had me fooled.”

“I wouldn’t be much of a devil if I wasn’t able to plot a well-devised plan, would I?” 

Astarion took the infernal quill and dipped it in the blood-red ink. Just before signing those poor 7000 souls away to their new owner Astarion said, “I’d much prefer if you stay away from us from now on Raphael. I sincerely hope this is the last thing we have that you think is worthy enough to take.”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, little vampling. But I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”

When those two words he had written hundreds of times were scribed onto the infernal contract, Astarion waited in anticipation. 

“Now that’s in order, it’s time to fulfill our bargain. I hope you’re not too hungry vampling, this might be a little jarring.”

With another snap of Raphael’s fingers, a feeling like dread kept creeping up, up, up in his body until he felt like exploding. Suddenly, tendrils of inky black were pouring out of him. The power that had been living in his body for three decades seemed endless as Raphael beckoned it towards the palm of his hand. It was easy to remember how it felt trying to reach the bottom of his power. But it also felt like the tight clutches of this dark power were slowly releasing its hold on him. For a moment he had never felt so relaxed in his entire existence. The feeling unfortunately did not last long as a familiar feeling crept back into him. 

Hunger. 

Painful, insatiable hunger. It was like that endless power from the ascension was replaced with a bottomless pit of famishment. It felt like his throat was on fire. Astarion could have sworn that his vision turned red. He knew this was coming, but despite his best efforts, that feeling, that instinct, was overwhelming. 

He felt his body snap as the last thread of power from the rite of profane ascension finally left him.

“Ta-Ta little vampling. Until next time.” With a flash of infernal flame, Raphael disappeared as quickly as he came. 

He took a moment to process the feelings he was experiencing. Aside from that hunger, he felt the loss of his power and the missing ring on his finger felt like a phantom limb. That sensation should’ve been unsettling but he started to feel at ease. Astarion’s chest rose up and down trying to take in unless breaths to ground him back to the present. 

“Astarion?” 

Astarion turned to meet the source of the sound. That sweet, sweet sound. The sound of his name leaving her lips made him fall to his knees. He instantly felt those damn tears start to well up in his eyes again. 

Xalena was back. She sat upright in the bed and gazed at him in visible confusion. Astarion all but scrambled to her bedside to get to her again. His arms found purchase around her torso and he tightened his grasp on her. Astarion brought his ears closer to her chest. He was desperate to hear her heart and her breath become stable again after weeks of her vitals being so weak. He wanted to inhale her scent, feel her hair, hear that lovely voice again, taste her blood.

Taste her blood? 

Shit .

“Astarion, what happened? Why are you crying?” 

Astarion found himself coiling his arms around her tighter. His face lifted to bury himself in the crook of her neck. 

“I’m sorry,” he said with a rough voice. “Need to feed first. Talk later.” 

Although there was a moment of hesitation or perhaps confusion, Xalena said, “okay.” 

Was this how he pictured reuniting with her? Absolutely not. But his control over his hunger was slipping and it was much better to get consent from her now rather than losing control and biting her out of nowhere.

With a broad lick across the expanse of her neck, Astarion tore into her flesh and sucked on the wounds with his lips. He couldn’t help but groan against her skin as the first rush of blood poured into his mouth. It had been a while since he drank from her. And now he needed her now more than ever. 

Her blood was the perfect balance of savory and sweet with a soft undertone of something spicey. He would never forget the first time he drank from her. He remembered being so consumed by bloodlust that it would’ve been easy to drain her dry. Now he could tell when she was getting close to her limit. Her pulse always fluttered rapidly when he first bit her but then eventually started to slow down as he drank more. 

Xalena let out a breathy sigh as he continued to drink. The shift in her scent was subtle but strong enough not to escape his notice. He’d have to take care of that later. 

Feeling somewhat sated, Astarion removed his fangs from her neck. As always, he licked the excess blood that continued to leak out of her wounds until the blood coagulated. It would be a shame to waste even a single drop of her blood. He also loved the way he reacted to him doing that. Her shakes of excitement were just as delicious as her blood. 

When the bleeding stopped, he pressed his lips right on the mark his fangs left. “I’m sorry, that’s not how I wanted to welcome you back,” Astarion said.

Xalena’s hand found its way into Astarion’s hair and she moved it slowly through his curls. Such a simple gesture that he didn’t know could be so comforting. So vital. “What did Raphael do to you?”

Astarion paused momentarily, trying to gather his thoughts on what had just happened with Raphael. It hadn’t fully sunk in yet that he had signed an infernal contract with a devil. What Raphael would do with those 7000 souls was beyond him at this point, but it couldn’t be anything good given how relentless he was. That wasn’t even to mention the fact that after three decades as a true vampire, he was now a spawn again. Despite the loss of the endless dark power, he had never felt so free. For the first time, it felt like the world was full of limitless opportunities.

“Xalena!” Shadowheart exclaimed.

And here comes the welcoming party to ruin the moment. 

“We smelt the blood so we decided to make sure everyone was alright,” Halsin said.

“Let me get Wyll and Karlach on the line. They’ll be so excited to hear you’re awake, friend.” Gale started his wizardly hand gestures and channeled the weave with ease to bring in the voices of even more companions.

Shadowheart was hovering around Xalena trying to measure her vitals. “You scared us all half to death you know! On another note, Astarion, why is she bloodless?”

“I’m fine. I think he was just getting to that before you all came in,” Xalena chuckled.

“I suppose an explanation is in order. Raphael happened.” 

And so Astarion told the eager group of his deal with the devil. Where the sunstone came from and what purpose it truly served. And finally, the terms of his contract that was able to bring Xalena’s hostage soul back. Throughout his tale, he kept special attention to his lover’s reaction. She was shocked just as much as the rest of the group to find out that he was no longer the vampire ascendant. But she was also contemplative. No doubt planning out their next moves already.

“If I were you Astarion, I would’ve found a way to tear him to shreds. Mark my words I will bring my blade down on his head the next time he makes the mistake of messing with one of my own.”

Xalena was brought out of her apparent inner monologue she was having with herself to smile broadly at the Githyanki warrior. “I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve said to me Laezel. The fact that you’re even here at all means a lot.”

“I second Laezel’s statement. If he even so much as thinks about hurting any one of you ever again, we’ll show him that if we can kill him once we can do it again. In the meantime, I’m glad you’re back, soldier.”

“Let’s not get hasty now, Karlach. Astarion did mention that Raphael seemed rather confident that we wouldn’t be able to take him on again. He was just here and none of us had a clue. Maybe whoever brought him back made him stronger,” Wyll mused. 

“He’s out of our hair now at least. I have to say Astarion, it was a shock learning about the sunstone before Raphael showed up. I had no idea what to expect when Gale called us all over. Call me pleasantly surprised regarding the outcome of your deal with Raphael. Our friend deserves no less.”

It wasn’t surprising Shadowheart had something to say about giving up his powers for Xalena. She was probably the closest to Xalena aside from him of course. Shadowheart hid her protectiveness of Xalena well but it was still there. 

“I think we’ll leave the happy couple for some private time.” Astarion saw Xalena give Gale a thankful look at his words. Astarion would do the same but refused to give the wizard any leverage on him.

“Thank you all. I appreciate everyone being there for me. It means more than you know.”

One by one, each member of their old group said their goodbyes and headed for the door. Astarion savored the silence with their party now departed. He found himself just looking at her. After being asleep for weeks it was more than welcomed just to see her eyes again. 

“Do you regret it?” She asked cautiously.

“What? No. Why would I regret bringing you back?”

Xalena visibly turned inward on herself. “I guess I’m still in shock. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, but at the same time, you’ve sacrificed so much for me. You won’t be able to walk in the sun. Your hunger-”

“And we’ll make it work. I did it for two hundred years before that and that was under far worse conditions. I’ll admit, I’ve gotten used to not having to worry about those things but I’ll adjust. I’d do what I just did again without any hesitation, trust me.”

Despite his attempt at reassuring her, Astarion saw the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Astarion brought the palm of his hand to meet her cheek, swiping his thumb across her skin. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault. If anything I should be the one apologizing. Your literal soul was taken because of me,” he said with a softness he didn’t even know he was capable of. 

Xalena’s tear-stained face suddenly shifted into an expression of determination he was so familiar with. “We’ll find a way. You will walk in the sun again. I promise.”

“I knew that’s what was going on in that pretty head of yours,” Astarion teased.

“I mean it! I owe you my life Astarion. Let me help you get a sliver of yours back in return.”

“Your life is my life too,” he said without thinking. 

“What do you mean?”

“We share a life now. I can’t live without you, darling,” he said just before kissing her forehead.

“Astarion-”

“Marry me. I’m yours for however long you’ll have me. I love you more than I can express in words. And I want everything a life with you has to offer. Please tell me you are mine, Xalena Thornbeam.”

Astarion waited for her reply. He could see the mental gymnastics his surprise proposal was doing to her. But then there was the shift as his words finally hit her. Something about the way her face was the very definition of love made his unbeating heart melt. “Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes,” she finally said. Her eyes became glassy again, but this time from pure joy. “I’m yours. Every part of my being is yours. I think the only thing that rivals my love for you is your love for me. It would be my honor to be your wife, mate, whatever we want to call it.”

Astarion stilled at that words. He could feel that warm fuzzy feeling in the pit of his stomach that he so often felt when she was around. It was a relieving thought to think he didn’t need the sunstone anymore to feel that. “You’re perfect. I apologize though, you deserve a better proposal. I don’t even have a ring for you yet. That was rather impulsive of me. But I was starting to think you’d never come back. I don’t want to waste any more time holding back now.”

She gave him one of those smiles he loved beyond reason.“You can always propose to me again. You just have to up the romance by at least three times and I’ll say yes again,” she said with a lighthearted chuckle. 

“What? Me drinking your blood the moment you wake up from a two-week-long coma and getting down on one knee isn’t romantic?” He asked with a teasing smile.

“I’m just saying if you want to do it again, I want to be impressed, Astarion Ancunin.”

“Don’t worry, darling. I’m confident I can get you to say yes again. You won’t even see it coming. Besides, I can think of plenty of other ways to make you scream yes over and over again,” he said seductively. The blood flushing to her blue cheeks was near instant. Astarion felt the satisfied smirk appear on his face. 

“Are we going to a wedding soon? Fuck yes!” Karlach’s excitement breached through the barrier of the wall. Those eavesdroppers. 

Xalena didn’t seem to mind though as she laughed and laughed at her friend’s exclamation. Astarion couldn't help but join her soon after almost as if his fiance’s mirth was contagious. But as soon as his laughter died down, he couldn’t help but capture her lips with his with eagerness. He was starved of her lips moving against his just as much as her blood, if not more.  

This new chapter, no matter how daunting and unexpected, would be one that Astarion would cherish. With Xalena at his side, everything and anything felt possible. He had spent far too much time six feet underground. 

It was time to live again. 

—-

Epilogue 

Xalena scrunched her face at the parchment before her in frustration. Another dead end.

Research had been filling her days the past year. Well, that and plenty of other activities with her fiance that would be too distracting to think about when she should be focusing on figuring out this Wish spell. Astarion insisted on taking things easy despite her desperation to speed things along for him to walk in the sun. 

Although, Astarion had adjusted to the change far better than she would if their roles were reversed. He still kept his position as Governor of Baldur’s Gate but took a step back from the role whenever there was a lead she wanted them to follow up on. The council had become rather accommodating to his condition. Most meetings happened at the Crimson Palace where he could still work in the daylight hours when needed.

Even the staff was more than happy to change their duties to aid Astarion. Nearly everyone, including herself, had become mostly nocturnal. He mostly fed on her for meals. She found herself casting Less Restoration more times than she had in her entire life. Not that she minded, of course. Her eagerness for dinner time nearly rivaled his. When her blood wasn’t on the menu, they went out hunting together for food as well. 

But Xalena did notice that Astarion was depressed at first to see the palace darken while the sun was up. Blackout curtains were covering nearly every window now. That was another side project she was working on as a surprise. She was in contact with a wizard who specialized in illusory magic to possibly create illusions of the castle’s windows as they appeared in real time. This way, Astarion might be able to look out the magical windows without feeling the harmful effects of the sun. She wanted to at least give him this much even though he reassured her that he didn’t mind anymore. But if anything, Xalena was a determined woman. 

Tonight, he was working on some policies regarding sanitation laws at his office in the city. He always grumbled about going there, only leaving the palace when absolutely necessary. If anything, he was more disappointed about leaving her than she was. She could hardly contain her excitement at the prospect of him coming back with his promises to ravish her when he returned. In the meantime, she was studying in her favorite place in the palace. It felt like she was spending nearly all her time in Astarion’s secret library these days. Even though the room was full of comfortable seating arrangements, she found herself perched on the dark mahogany table that was large enough to accommodate a library rather than a study.

Even though the tomes of the Crimson Palace had been enlightening, Xalena knew they would need something more specialized soon. Trying to gain permission to go to some of these libraries in Faerun had been admittingly frustrating. But with Gale’s influence, they had some leads on where to go next. But first, they planned to go to the Underdark again to permanently borrow some books they found in an abandoned library. 

Xalena was too absorbed in the leather-bound tome that sat on her lap to think twice about the gust of wind that hit the back of her neck. The only thing that did bring her out of her reading was the sensation of familiar lips caressing her temple. She jolted at the contact and snapped out of her contemplation to scold the perfect male who constantly did this to her. “When did you get here?! For the ten millionth time, I told you to stop sneaking up on me! How dare you treat your soon-to-be wife like this.”

They had finally set a date for the wedding. Xalena wanted to enjoy her time being engaged to him rather than planning a whole wedding when she was much more passionate about finding a way for him to walk in the sun again. 

“But you are so adorable every time, my love. I have to make use of my many talents,” he said in a way that made her body instantly react to him. “I’ve only just arrived. I’ll only admit to watching you give this book a murderous look for only a couple of minutes. What’s got you so frustrated?”

“I just hit another dead end with the Wish spell. Every time I feel like I’m getting somewhere, I can’t find anything more. These wizards and sorcerers wouldn’t know how to write an easily comprehensible book even if they wanted to. I really need to get in contact with Gale’s friend in Neverwinter-”

Xalena easily forgot what she was going to say next as she processed the way Astarion stood over her. His arms surrounded her on either side of her body with his hands clutching the edges of the table. 

“Now, now, no need to tear these poor spell casters apart with your critiques. I’m in no rush. You know that right?” He said as he brought one of his hands to tilt her chin up at him.

“I know,” she said trying to hide her disappointment in herself. 

He then leaned in close, his lips nearly pressing against the shell of her pointed ear. 

“Then let me take care of you,” he whispered. “What can I do to rid you of that expression, hm?” 

He started by kissing the space just below her earlobe. His lips slowly moved down her neck in a way that made her shiver against him. There would be no escaping him tonight. Not that she would want to regardless. 

His kisses halted and he examined her with blown pupils. 

“Kiss me until I can think about nothing else but you,” she said trying her best not to sound too breathless. 

The wolfish grin on his face only grew at her words. “Consider your request granted.”

Xalena quickly decided kissing him like this in the library was just as good, if not better, than sitting in his lap and reading with him. She had a feeling this would quickly escalate to more than kissing sooner rather than later. 

Astarion pulled his lips away but stayed close enough to lean his forehead against hers. “I appreciate everything you’re doing. I feel like I don’t tell you that enough, love.”

“The pleasure is all mine.”

“I love you,” he said while moving one of his hands into her hair.

“And I love you, my star.”

Xalena only deemed it fair that she give Astarion a pet name as well considering the long list of endearments he used for her. She was initially surprised at how he reacted to the nickname. Instead of teasing or eye-rolling, his face always softened for her. 

“Now where were we?” He asked with that dangerous smile that appeared on his face again.

Xalena euthastically showed him where they left off and threw the useless book over her shoulder. For now, she would forget the rest of the world and her new mission. Staying in her favorite spot in the world with him was more than enough and all she needed. 

If she would’ve told her past self this was where her story was heading, she would’ve never believed her. Every day was a step into healing themselves from the mistakes and traumas of the past but also looking towards the future together. 

A small part of her thought maybe she still didn’t deserve this fate after everything that happened. But gods be damned she was going to enjoy it every second of every day. 

Chapter Text

Xalena loved getting lost in Astarion’s lips. There was only him, her, and the connection between their bodies. Still sitting on the edge of the library’s table, Xalena spread her legs wider to allow him closer. She all but grabbed the collar of his shirt and tugged him toward her. 

The show of eagerness was rewarded, or perhaps punished, with a nip on Xalena’s lower lips. The taste of her blood on his tongue would never be something she would get used to. But Astarion’s hunger for her was addictive. She would allow him to bite all he wanted just to see his hunger and lust taking over all reason. 

When Astarion suddenly pulled away, he left her breathless and panting for him. She could feel the heat between her legs pulse as she observed Astarion’s blown eyes studying her intently. 

Astarion’s hand drifted lazily down her neck to her breasts in what felt like a whisper of a touch.“You know, Lilian’s supposed to come get you for dinner rather soon.”

“Oh?” 

She tried to chase his lips again but he dodged her advance. “That’s all you have to say for yourself?” he asked in a tauntingly sensual tone.

Xalena gave him a mischievous grin. “I’ll be sure to be extra quiet. We wouldn’t want our little secret to be discovered now would we?” 

Astarion held his hand over her heart, perhaps enjoying how fast it was beating for him. “I’ll hold you to it, love. The consequences will be quite severe otherwise.”

“It almost sounds like you want to punish me.” 

“On the contrary, I rather like it when you do exactly what you’re told to do. But you do look rather lovely when you’re desperate to cum. When I give you just the right amount of pain with your pleasure. Your expression when I bring you to the edge of climax over and over again is addicting,” he growled in her ear. 

Xalena tried her best to hide her shiver at his suggestion. She felt his hand drift further down and it landed just above where she needed him the most. 

“Do you like that idea too, darling?” 

“No,” she lied through a concealed moan. 

Astarion clicked his tongue at her. “Are you sure about that? I’ll give you one more chance to be honest with me.” 

His lips attacked her neck and the sudden sensation made her gasp. What started as gentle caresses of his mouth quickly turned into something more demanding. Something more dangerous. His tongue dragged along the side of her neck just before dragging his fangs over the bite marks that she didn’t bother to heal much these days. 

“Answer me,” he demanded as he finally drifted those expert fingers over her clothed clit.

She had to fight through the new wave of arousal that coursed through her to finally relent to him. “I want that.” 

“There, was that so hard to admit?” he asked with his lips still against her skin. 

“You’re very distracting. I’m rendered speechless when you tease me like that. It’s torturous.” 

“Darling, you have yet to see what I consider real torture. Maybe I should give you a demonstration later tonight if you continue to misbehave.” His fingers pressed down on her clit with increased pressure and she felt it instantly as she clenched around nothing. A reminder of how achingly empty she was. 

“Please touch me,” she begged.

“You know the rules, love. Be specific,” he hummed in pleasure.

Astarion withdrew his fingers from her clit entirely in favor of drifting them toward her inner thigh. Xalena let out a disappointed whine of frustration in response. It was still lovely to relish the way his fingertips tauntingly moved around in slow circles, but she wanted him right where he just was. 

“Take these clothes off of me and touch me with your fingers right here.” She drifted her own fingers towards the apex of her thighs and tried her best to mimic just how she wanted him. There would be no way she would be able to fully replicate how he touched her though. Maybe it was just because it was he who was doing the pleasing that made it feel all the better.

Astarion backed away from her. He was now intently studying her form. The place between her legs and her face panting in arousal at him in particular pulled his attention. She thought she heard a sudden cracking sound. With how hard he was gripping the edges of the table she sat on, she wouldn’t be surprised if he maybe damaged it. 

“ Good ,” he praised with a purr. “But I’d much rather you give me a show. You are quite lovely touching yourself like that. Would you like me to keep watching?” 

The words rippled through her and her pleasure instantly intensified. A prospect she didn’t really think that she wanted. But she thought of the way he was looking at her. The way he was on the very edge of losing his control. Thinking about the ways she could make him snap and just fuck her already. 

“Yes,” she said with a needy tone.

Astarion gave her a wicked smile that threatened to undo her right then and there. “Then strip for me, darling. I don’t want to see a single thing on you.”

He couldn’t compel anyone anymore, but he might as well have compelled her to do just that. She eagerly nodded at him, excited at the prospect of nothing separating them when he finally decided he couldn’t take it anymore. 

One by one in intentionally slow motions she shed every layer that would stop his eyes from seeing her bare skin. The last to come off was her underthings, more lacy than usual for his viewing pleasure. At least this pair would be safe tonight. It was slightly embarrassing the number of times she’s been to the lingerie store this year due to Astarion being over-eager. 

Just before she could drop her already-soaked underwear to the floor, he snatched her wrist and pried the delicate silk from her hand. The confusion she felt was instant until he brought them up to his nose and inhaled them. 

“Delicious,” he said with a brief flick of his tongue across his fangs. 

“Now, I want to see you try to bring yourself over the edge, my love.” He stepped back again, dragging a chair that was sitting by the table just out of her reach. Close enough for him to see her in excruciating detail, but far enough away for her not to touch him. 

Xalena sat back down on the table and blushed at how dangerous he looked. Despite how exposed she felt, she didn’t waste time and spread her legs wide enough for him to see. She used one arm to keep herself propped up and the other to start Astarion’s show. It was not comfortable by any means, but she soon forgot about the cold wood invading her naked skin as she drifted her fingertips around her nipple.

Xalena let out a shaky exhale as she dragged her fingers in soft circles around herself. Occasionally taking her thumb and index finger and gently rolled her sensitive skin between them. All while keeping an eye on him. His eyes were intently looking at her taut nipples. His mouth hung very so slightly open in hunger. Feeling satisfied with his reaction thus far she rewarded him by slowly drifting south to where her ache had been persisting for what seemed like forever now. 

The relief she felt was she finally touched her clit was relieving, but it didn’t last long. Through her shaky moans and the feeling of her hips slightly raising as her pleasure was building she could see Astarion taking off his shirt. The view of his chest was true torture. She wanted to run her hands along the ridges and valleys of his toned muscles. To feel his skin against hers. 

Astarion’s torment only worsened when she heard the unbuckling of his pants. His hand moved inward to touch himself. The view of his bulging cock against his pants was already mouth-watering enough. Knowing that this was making him hard enough to touch himself made a rush of pride and pleasure move through her. Just thinking about his dick, her pussy once again clenched around nothing. To try to fill that void, she laid her back against the wood, allowing the arm that was propping her up to drift toward her wet hole. She wouldn’t be able to see him like this, but she knew he would get a full view of her fingers fucking herself and touching her clit in tandem.

She shoved two fingers into her cunt and felt herself pulse around them. She nearly screamed in relief, but reigned herself in to try to keep quiet. It wouldn’t be long now before she arrived at her peak. All he was doing was looking at her and touching himself to her pleasure. He had hardly touched her yet, but just thinking about the prospect of it had her writhing against the table. Her legs spread wide for him, hips tilted upwards in an attempt the chase that high. 

She suddenly heard the groan of the chair against the floor and footsteps rushing over towards her. Astarion leaned over her, now looking right at her wanton expression that only he would see. She nearly came just at the way he was looking at her with clear desire in his eyes, but he suddenly grabbed her wrists that were fingering her cunt and touching her clit. He pulled both of her arms above her head, trapping her from doing anything.  

Xalena moaned in desperation. She was so fucking close. She tried to wiggle out of his grasp but it was only met with the unrivaled strength of her fiancé. She tried her best to beg with her eyes and her labored breaths coming out of her mouth. Astarion only tauntingly licked his lips. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful when you’re like this. Every time you’re so desperate without fail. But I think you’d rather hear about how desperate I am to taste you and have you cum on my face instead of your fingers. Would you like that?”

“Please. Please. I need you.” 

“You need to me to what?” he teased.

“Please taste me. Make me cum your face.”

Astarion chuckled darkly. “Good girl. It sounds so much better coming from your mouth.”

Her lover finally sank to his knees in front of her. 

A part of her expected Astarion to prolong his ministrations by leaving teasing kisses and bites on her inner thighs. But he dug right into his meal, his tongue starting to roughly stroke her clit. The difference in the intensity of her pleasure when Astarion was on her knees, between her legs was apparent immediately. She couldn’t hold back the loud moan she hoped to god nobody heard. But the way he tongued her was earth-shattering. His movements were rigorous but precise. Wet and hot. 

He brought her even closer to his face by adjusting her legs to go over his shoulders and he growled into her. As if he couldn’t help himself, his tongue slipped into her cunt, trying to relish the evidence of her arousal she made for him. He moaned against her yet again and made her shake against him. With the full body of his tongue inside of her, she rocked herself against him with desperation. She could feel her pussy clenching around his tongue sinfully, longing for his expert strokes against her walls. 

He had become so attuned to when she was close. Maybe it was the way she kept crying his name or the way her thighs were trembling and crushing his head, but Astarion drifted his fingers towards her clit. He brushed against the bud gently, but with a speed that was quick to cause the arrival of her orgasm. She came on his face with his name leaving her lips in a wanton cry and the pulsing of her cunt against the tongue still moving in and out of her. As her breathing started to slow, he slipped his tongue out of her hole and continued to lick her through her pleasure, occasionally kissing her clit with soft presses of his lips. He grunted in approval as he continued to pry sensual sounds from her as her orgasm continued to ripple through her body. 

“Is that all you want tonight, my love?”

Of course, that wasn’t all she wanted. Somehow he always knew what to do to get her begging for more. 

“Please fuck me.”

“I thought you’d never ask. Such a greedy little slut. Turn around and lean against the table, now ,” he demanded. 

Xalena found herself eagerly flipping herself around. Her back now faced him, her ass bent over the library’s table. His hands drifted from her neck to her back and all the way down to cup her ass with rough hands. She shouldn’t have enjoyed the way he admired and studied her degrading form. The way she could feel the smooth wood of the table against her body. But she did. Every touch, every look, every demand that came from Astarion was intoxicating to her. 

She could hear his trousers coming undone and she nearly whined in anticipation. His dick was so close to her. Not close enough to rub up against her folds, but she could feel the heat radiating off of his lower half. Astarion brought his fingers to her entrance first and she gasped at the sudden contact. They moved around in slow circles and she had to fight herself to make him shove them all the way inside of her.

“Still so wet after consuming you. Always so ready for me.” His fingers pulled out of her and she could hear a sucking sound, what she could only imagine was Astarion cleaning off the evidence of her arousal with his mouth. He finally leaned against her, his cock now right where he wanted her. His curious hands wandered to her hips.

“Gods, I can’t believe you are mine,” he said, finally sinking into her.

Xalena let out a breathy moan as she enjoyed the feeling of her cunt accommodating with his length. She could feel herself clench around him as he pushed his cock deep inside of her. 

“You’ve been quite loud tonight, darling. What happened to being quiet?” he asked with a rough rock of his hips into her. 

“I can’t help it,” she protested weakly. 

“You can’t help it?” Astarion slapped her ass firmly in response. “Very naughty.”

She could feel Astarion’s muscled chest against her back, his lips brushing against her ear. “Should I punish you for it?”

She’d take anything from him when he asked her like that. A promise of punishment sounded like heaven. “Yes.” 

“Very well,” he said. 

The contact between their skin went away and Astarion pulled out of her altogether. She had no idea what she was expecting when she agreed to his request, but the loss of his length made her whimper. But then with a harsh snap of his hips, he pounded into her. Xalena found herself gripping the edges of the table for support. And he repeated the motion over and over and over again, not staying inside of her for more than a couple of seconds before pulling out again. It was slow and torturous and she wanted more of him. She wanted him to stay inside of her and fuck her wild. At the same time, she felt like she was going to explode any minute now if he kept this up. She felt she was on the precipice of getting closer with every single stroke against her walls, but it was not entirely enough to bring her across that line. She wanted to cum around him inside of her.  

Astarion removed himself from her again. She squirmed when his cock rested against her folds instead of moving inside her cunt. The need to rub her clit against his warm length nearly overtook her.  “Please…” whined.

He draped himself over her form entirely and asked in her ear, “Can’t take this anymore, darling?” 

“Can you?” she countered.

Astarion let out a sound of satisfaction in her ear. “A great point, my sweet. I was just thinking how lovely it would be to fuck you against one of those walls. But only if you promise to behave this time. Only loud enough for my ears. Those noises are mine . What’s it to be, my love?” 

The idea of him fucking her roughly against one of the walls made her breath hitch. His words went straight to her clit. “I promise.” 

He left a deceptively soft kiss just below her ear. She felt his hands moving into her hair so gently it nearly felt soothing before he pulled away from her bent-over form again.

“So eager wanting to do whatever I say. But I think I want to do this just a little more.” Astarion suddenly pulled on her ponytail, effectively causing her back to arch off the table as his dick plunged into her again with a snap of his hips. He was pounding into her relentlessly, just like she wanted. It was madness in the best kind of way. The sound of skin against skin, mutual grunts and moans of pleasure, the feeling of getting so close to something until shattering into a million pieces. It was a kind of connection she didn’t even know she needed until Astarion provided it for her. 

“Astarion… I’m so close,” she warned. 

“I know, I can feel it. What do you want then?”

A trick question. What she really wanted was to cum around him right now. But she also knew she would be well rewarded if she played along. 

“I want to be good for you.”

Astarion halted his movements and it caused her ache to intensify. “Good. That’s the correct answer, darling. Let’s get you that reward now.” 

For a moment Astarion disappointedly pulled out of her. But he took one of her hands on the edge of the table and motioned for her to help him turn her around. She followed his lead and presented herself with her back laying against the table.

Astarion roamed his eyes hungrily at her body which was no doubt exhausted from being bent over. “As much as I love fucking you from behind, I hate missing such a pretty sight hidden away from me.”

A hand wandered up to cup one her her neglected breasts and she shivered against his touch. She propped her arms up to look at him, to lure him in to finish the job. She tracked the way his eyes stared at her with dangerous intent and she knew she had done her job right. 

“I’m going to fuck you now, and I’m going to fuck you hard until you cum all over me. Would you like that?” He asked with his fingers circling her nipple. 

“Yes please,” she said with a breathy voice. 

“Gods, I love you.” Astarion chased after her lips with his own like he craved for his mouth to be against hers. His chest and torso finally settled against her. And then he pushed himself inside again. The void inside of her that he so perfectly filled was whole again. They both let out sensual sighs into each other’s mouths as their lips continued to dance together and their tongues tasted each other. 

But then she felt his hands moving south towards the backs her her thighs. Without pulling out again or breaking his kiss, Astarion lifted her off the table. Her legs instantly found purchase around his waist as she relished the closeness of the new position. Her back suddenly met smooth wallpaper and she leaned herself against it. Xalena clutched onto Astarion like a lifeline. Her hands moved into his curls and drifted up and down his back. And when he started to move inside of her again, she saw stars and she moaned into his mouth desperately. The sound was rewarded with another nip on her lower lip, drawing blood. Astarion’s let out a growl of pleasure as her sanguine taste mixed into his mouth.

Astarion’s lips and tongue finally left her mouth, moving down the side of her neck where he continued to suck, bite, and kiss her skin. He wanted more than just a few drops of blood in his mouth and Xalena was happy to oblige. 

“Can I consume you a second time, darling?” His voice came out guttural and lustful. 

“Yes…”

“Then I want you to cum for me while I drink for you. Can you do that for me?” His tone was on the edge of sounding patronizing when he asked that. Somehow, it only made her want him more.

“Yes! Please let me cum, Astarion.”

Astarion thurst into her extra hard at her words. His entire length nestled deep inside of her. “Good girl,” he whispered against her skin. 

He started to move inside of her again and she felt his tongue drag along the side of her neck. It was quickly followed by the bite she had been anticipating. Normally, she’d feel the freezing cold invade her entirely, but she could only feel white-hot pleasure invading her as Astarion grunted and moaned into her neck. It was all she needed to push her over the edge. 

“Fuck! Astarion, I’m gonna- Ahh!” 

Between his unrelenting movements, she could feel her cunt flutter around his length in pleasure as her climax arrived. She couldn’t help but grind herself against him more as he continued to buck his hips wildly into her. The pain she felt in her neck was miles away compared to the euphoric feeling that made her feel like she was falling. She let out labored moans into his ear as her breathing started to calm. 

As her high washed over her, Astarion’s was just coming to a precipice. He always loved drinking her blood during sex, but she noticed he loved it the most the moment her orgasm arose. It was like the taste of her climax was enough to send him over the edge himself as his movements became less controlled and eager. Astarion moaned into her neck again loudly and he spilled himself inside of her, his cum coating her warm walls. Xalena relished the feeling of his cock slowly pumping into her as he drew out his own pleasure. 

Astarion didn’t stray too far from her neck as he removed his fangs from her flesh. The feeling of his tongue lapping at her neck after he fed was nearly her favorite part. Sometimes he would leave a gentle kiss on the puncture marks when her blood clotted. Today was no exception. And then he finally looked at her, examining her rising chest, her sweaty face, and her slightly puffy and bloody lips. She returned the favor by admiring the blood still dripping around the corners of his mouth, his blown pupils that took over his red eyes, and the way his face looked a bit less pale than normal after getting some blood in him. Xalena’s lips pressed another quick kiss to his. 

“I love you,” she said.

“And I love you.”

Astarion pulled out of her to move her off the wall and crashed them on the nearest couch. He lay her on top of him with her chest grazing against his. His arms wrapped around her with a lingering hand moving up and down her back in soothing movement. The silence they sat in was utter bliss as she enjoyed the sensation of feeling his skin against hers.  

“Do you want to know a secret?” Astarion said with mischief in his voice. 

“Always.”

Astarion kissed the crown of her head with a gentle press of his lips. “The secret library is soundproof.” 

Xalena’s head instantly snapped up at him and she slapped his chest teasingly. “You little shit!” 

“You never asked!” he deflected with a hearty laugh.

“You were the one telling me to be quiet. I should’ve known you’d do something like this. Do you get a rise out of me being naive or something?”

Astarion's kisses continued as he pressed his lips softly against her temple despite her accusation. “Not necessarily. I just love seeing the effect I have on you even when I tell you to restrain yourself. But now you know that you can be as loud as you want for next time and nobody will hear a thing." 

“Bold you of you to assume there will be a next time,” she said with a roll of her eyes. 

“I think you’ll find I can be rather convincing if it gets me what I want.”

Xalena let her fingers wander across his chest, her hand landing on where his beating heart would be. “Oh yeah? Are you sure it’s not just because I have the biggest soft spot for you?”

“I think even if you hated me I could get you to melt under my touch.” The pride in his tone was also given away by his effortless smug smile. 

“Well, it’s a good thing that will never happen. For now, I expect you to be very generous to me if you want my forgiveness.”

“Trust me, fighting for your forgiveness is my favorite activity,” he said, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. “There are so many ways to go about it and I’m rather good at it. Wouldn’t you agree?”

Xalena briefly admired the engagement ring he gave her. The silver band was a three-stone setting with a pear-shaped diamond in the middle and a small ruby and sapphire on either side of it. “I suppose I wouldn’t be engaged to you if you weren’t.”

“Thank you for reminding me just how lucky I am. Now, let’s get you to dinner. Do you want me to ask Lilian to bring it to our room?”

“That would be lovely, my star. But you have to let me cuddle with you for at least five more minutes first.”

Astarion captured her chin between his fingers and pressed his lips to hers again.“Your wish is my command, darling.”