Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sam was frustrated.

Very frustrated.

His day began as always: wake up, brush his teeth, get dressed, go on a morning run, go back to the bunker and get breakfast.

It really was the same as every day.

But somehow it wasn't.

He woke up unpleasantly, blanket kicked to the side; he was cold. After a bit of thrashing around in bed, he got up only to step on his pile of research books and notes, which he had placed in alphabetical order - cursing softly. When he tried to rearrange them, he got more frustrated, once knocking his head on the bedside table, a bruise forming on the side of his head as he rubbed the spot.

When he decided the piles were decent (after a good half an hour) he got to work brushing his teeth. Well, at least that went smoothly, aside from the fact that he used the grape-toothpaste that Dean got him when they first moved in. The after-taste lingered in his mouth making him uncomfortable - even if he knew he had tasted worse. It was a thing he just accepted about himself - some textures and tastes made him crawl up a wall or to wanting to rip his hair out - when he was younger and got these feelings, Dean was the only one who knew what to do with Sammy. Well, that was sort of usual. John did not acknowledge him or got angry with him when he complained about his t-shirt or jacket, even slapped him several times when he complained about the motel beds, while Dean softly took off his shirt, waited for him to calm down and talking him trough it, and placing a softer shirt in his hands after, or asked for a blanket for Sam´s bed - he did anything he could to make him feel at least okay.

Getting dressed in a hurry after he got lost in his thoughts, he jogged to the kitchen to get some water, and then hoping to clear his head in his run Sam walked towards the main door half an hour later than his usual time.

***

His morning run went horribly.

Till he got to the park, two cars almost hit him, and he didn't count how many people bumped into him and then began shouting that it was his fault.

There was at least peace at the park. Quiet.

Sam sighed in relief as he slowly came to a stop on an empty path, closing his eyes for a second, desperate for some silence, peace, stillness.

He nearly had a heart attack when he heard a tinkling noise and a cyclist nearly hit him. He looked after the laughing teenager who quickly went away, still holding onto his chest.

When he finally got back to the bunker, he couldn't help himself but show his frustration, the tension evident in his every move. Instead of a healthy smoothie or shake, he got to work with a large cup of coffee, when he remembered he needed to shower. The uncomfortable feeling hit him suddenly, making him stop and squirm in his sweaty clothes, taking off his shirt as fast as possible without ripping it apart.

Leaving the process of making coffee, he quickly got to his room and sprinted to the bathroom, scratching at his scalp and scrunching his face in displeasure. (The water wouldn't be the right temperature for god's sake, the shampoo got into his eyes, he knocked off two bottles of hair products and couldn´t fish them off of the floor and back onto the shelf for almost ten minutes, and when he first wanted to step out of the shower he forgot to rinse the shampoo from his hair.) After getting dressed again - he got tangled up in the sweats - and finally getting his coffee, he just popped his head in Dean's room to say that he is doing research and reading, don't bother him unless it's a life-or-death situation. Dean happily obliged, getting cozy in his room and setting up a netflix movie. (Sam didn't stay that long so he didn't see when Cas appeared next to Dean after his brother prayed. He also didn't see the sweet, long and caring kiss they shared. But he definitely would be smirking at Dean happily if he did.)

Sam´s sigh could be heard in the library as he finally sat down, head falling back on the cushioned chair he was sitting on. Placing his coffee to the side to wait for his drink to cool, he pulled out some Latin books on mythical creatures, thinking it would be an easy read and help him relax after the hard start of his day. He opened the first of is four-book-pile and started turning the pages till he got to the page where angels started. Angels were a topic that interested him nowadays, a lot, actually. He didn´t want to always nag Castiel with his questions, especially when he looked rather uncomfortable with answering said questions, so he dug up the library for all the books containing angels and went to research everything he could, writing notes along the way.

He took a sip of his coffee as he leaned above the page when he suddenly heard the fluttering of wings and an overly excited "Heya, Sasquatch!", jumping in surprise. The jump caused his coffee to spill on him, and he jumped again at the burning feeling.

-God dammit, Gabe! - he hissed, putting the cup down with trembling hands.

-Hey, please don´t mention my dad, you know, Sammy, kind of sensitive topic - started Gabriel, missing the fact that Sam´s hands were trembling, his voice hitching a bit.

Sam tried to take deep breaths, he really did - but it was so fucking hard right now. He felt the burning, and suddenly he was back in hell, trashing in the cave from side to side from frantic panic, then he felt cold and he heard, heard him, heard Lucifer talking about how he was rather cold while torturing him. All he could hear were his screams and Lucifer´s laughing. And suddenly there is a pair of hands touching him, grabbing at his arms and he can't breathe, can't recognize the words being spoken to him, can't recognize the voice, because all he sees his Lucifer, Hell, and all he feels is burning but at the same time there certainly is someone else.

-Sam! C´mon, Sammy, you hear me? - Gabriel was crouched in front of the younger Winchester, trying to bring him back from whatever flashback he went in - but he supposed it might be the cave with Lucifer where his mind took him. - It's me, big ol´ Gabriel. - he said, using his mojo to make the spilled coffee disappear from Sam´s clothes, clutching his arms tightly.

Suddenly, big, panic filled eyes are looking at him, - they look hazel he notes and then stares right back, starting to speak.

-Sammy, take deep breaths. C´mon, big deep breaths for me, just like that. - he inhaled deeply, exhaling slowly. Sam´s breathing was coming out in quick, panicky huffs.

-G...Gabe...Gabe? - Sam´s voice was small, trembling, and panicky. His breaths were still quick.

-Yeah, Sammy, it's me. Gabe. Can you try and take a big deep breath for me?

Sam tried. At first, he almost choked, but after three or four more attempts, his breathing pattern was kind of back to normal. Gabe talked to him the whole time.

-There we go, Sam, good job, you´re back, see? You are in the bunker, with me, with Dean, with Cas. - he said, sighing in relief, rubbing Sam´s arms as he began to sob.

-Sorry, I didn't-didn't mean to- - Sam said between hiccups, staring at his hands.

-Shush, Samshine. Don´t say stupid things. If anything, I am sorry to have caused this flashback for you. Can I hug you? You look like you could use some. - Sam nodded, all in all burying his face in Gabe's neck when the archangel hugged him. With a flutter of wings, Sam found himself sitting on his bed, making a disturbed noise when Gabriel started moving around and didn´t hug him anymore. Gabe was at his side in an instant at the sound, shushing him gently, running his fingers through Sam's locks. - None of that, Sammy. I need to get you comfortable, I know that shirt on you is too scratchy.

And, oh, how Gabriel was right with that - Sam just noticed how itchy his shirt had became, how much he was squirming because of it. He grunted, tears still slipping down his face.

-How did you know? - he asked, curling in on himself.

-Your body language. And you are thinking too loud even if you don't realize that. - Gabe hummed, walking back to the bed with a big, soft brown hoodie and a pair of black sweats. - You wanna change yourself, or would rather have me snap and you don't have to wait so long before laying down?

Sam looked confused.

-I am going to lay down? - he asked, wiping his eyes.

-Yep. - said the archangel, popping the "p". - So? You or my mojo?

-Can...can you dress me? Without the...mojo? - Sam asked, blushing a bit, half of him already waiting for being denied. Gabriel smiled softly.

-Of course I can, Sammykins! - he said, smiling down at him happily. - Arms up, Samoose.

A few minutes later Gabriel got Sam to lay down, promising to be back in a moment. And he was, bringing Sam's favorite snacks on a tray with some smoothies. He put all that to the bedside table, slipping in beside Sammy, instantly cuddling him, starting to brush his fingers through his dark, long locks as he began to hum a tune to get the last of the tension out of Sam.

-Gabe? - asked Sam after a long, comfortable silence, now completely limp in his lover's embrace.

-Yes, Sam-a-lamb? - the shorter asked, continuing his humming.

-Are you humming ´Heat of the moment´ by Asia? - asked the Winchester tiredly.

-Aw, c´mon, Sammy! Of course I am! You know it's our song, and you absolutely love it! - Gabriel said, chuckling.

-Yes. Yes I do. - sighed Sam contentedly, he leaned up to kiss Gabe softly on the lips, and then he wriggled back into his previous spot. - Thank you, Gabe. Love you. - he murmured before passing out to the humming and gentle fingers stroking his scalp.

-Love you too, Sam Winchester. - whispered Gabriel, giving a kiss to Sam´s forehead. - More than anything.