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Language:
English
Series:
Part 5 of hrpf but with more himbos and more chaos
Stats:
Published:
2023-09-23
Completed:
2023-09-24
Words:
873
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
25
Kudos:
133
Bookmarks:
4
Hits:
2,510

hey one question: what the hell?

Summary:

lets take chaotic dumbassery and add worms

Notes:

this is dedicated to numptyism bc they commented on part 3 saying "delightfully unhinged thank you" which is EXACTLY the vibes i've been going for

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Bee: fellas would you still love your partner if they were a worm?

Hughsie: bee we’ve been over this 

Hughsie: drew isn’t your partner

Hughsie: he’s your husbro 

Bee: yeah but we’ve talked about it so i know he’d still love me

Drew: worm farm

Drew: i'd make him a little home 

Cauly: okay but would you fuck if you were a worm

Zeegs: idiot

Zeegs: worms can’t fuck 

Kerfy: actually worms have pretty wild mating habits 

Kerfy: like earthworms are hermaphrodites so they have both male and female sex organs and they use both during intercourse to increase the potential for reproductive success

EJ: Alexander what the fuck. Why do you know so much about worm sex? 

Kerfy: I made a powerpoint for class once in college 

Marns: you made a slideshow about worm sex for a class at Harvard university 

Kerfy: well when you say it like that 

Josty: KERFY 

Josty: love of my life 

Josty: what the hell 

JT: gotta agree with him on this one bud

Kerfy: RUDE 

Feds: Знаете ли вы, что рыбы немо при определенных обстоятельствах превращаются из самцов в самок? [did you know that nemo fish changes from male to female in certain circumstances?]

Wifi: Anyone want to translate 

Wifi: maybe the baby russians 

Matts: doubt it 

Matts: freddie just sent me a video of them screaming at each other and went “what the fuck did you do?”

Willy: why does he assume we did something

Matts: bc hes met us 

Matts: tho apparently orlov translated a little bit and said something about gay chat and fish gender? 

Sid: hold on, I got this 

Flower: don’t act like you’re doing anything when everyone knows you’re just asking Geno 

Geno: “did you know that nemo fish goes from boy to girl sometimes?” 

Dyls: I READ ABOUT THIS ONCE 

Cat: of course you did 

Dyls: okay so clownfish (what nemo is) have like a female leader and that female picks a male to be her mate except if the head female dies then the mate male BECOMES female and takes over as head lady and then picks a male to be HER mate 

Dyls: so the cycle continues 

Dyls: so Finding Nemo isn’t really accurate 

Marns: am i gonna regret asking what that means 

Dyls: when nemos mom died, marlin should have become female and since nemo was the only male… well you get the rest

Cauly: NOOOOOOOOO

Nick: way to go now hes crying about trans nemo 

Ully: why the fuck is my boyfriend crying about Finding Nemo? 

Cat: oh shit made the goalie sad 

Kreids: Apparently nemo’s dad should have become a girl fish and procreated with nemo. 

Ully: No, that makes sense. It’s his favorite movie.

Chapter 2: ruining more animals by sway coming to a theater near you

Notes:

thanks again to numptyism and the group chat for reminding me that MORE animals are horrible and the world deserves to know

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Sway: since you people ruined nemo for me im gonna ruin animals for you 

Sway: first up: seahorses 

Zeegs: wait i know this one

Zeegs: the dad seahorse carries the babies

Sway: YES 

Sway: he then eats the babies if they don’t get away in time and also only about two babies will actually survive 

Sway: rabbit fun fact: their teeth never stop growing (look it up its disgusting) and there is another animal that has tusks that will eventually grow into its head and stab it in the brain 

Sway: inexperienced ferret owners can mistakenly bury their ferrets alive bc they think its dead instead of just sleeping 

Sway: seagulls can be cannibals 

Sway: the group that contains dolphins, whales and porpoises is the closest living relative to the hippopotamus 

Sway: and hippos kill 50 times more people than sharks each year on average 

Sway: just google why dolphins are the worst cause i won’t be the reason you decide to hate them (but you should) 

Sway: chimps will attack not to kill but to maul and disfigure (i DO NOT advise looking up pics) 

Sway: if you wanna hate yourself look up how hyenas give birth 

Sway: women are advised not to go near komodo dragons during “that” time of the month 

Sway: orcas will make large waves that knock seals and other prey off the ice 

Sway: they will also get themselves slightly stuck on the beach to catch seals 

Sway: also don’t look up just what a male duck is packing in his nonexistent pants cause its horrifying 

Sway: i hate that people think that otters are cute when in fact they are PSYCHOPATHS 

Sway: there is a type of otter that gets like 6 feet tall and will kill crocodile’s slightly smaller cousin 

Sway: that same otter will attack and kill JAGUARS 

Sway: then there are the guanacos that i saw on youtube that can spit the stuff in their stomachs up to like 6 feet even if they look like cuter llamas 

Sway: magpies and southern lapwings will viciously attack anything that gets too close to its nest 

Sway: there are SOOOOOO many animals that would not appreciate the concept of consent 

Sway: meerkat groups are run by a head-female and if another female has babies bad things happen 

Sway: they are also responsible for like the highest number of murders within their own species 

Gabe: Linus come stop your man from causing more chaos 

Ully: you know actually im fine 

Gabe: fan i helvete 

Notes:

fan i helvete = fucking hell (swedish)

Notes:

i refuse to believe sergei federov knows the term clownfish