Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sam sighed as he parked his SUV in front of his brother’s current project. The house still looked as dilapidated on the outside as it did the day his brother bought the place, but he knew the inside was a different story. 

He made sure his truck was locked and walked into the house. 

“Dean!” 

He could hear Led Zeppelin playing in the backyard and the sound of a drill in use. Making his way to the back yard, he saw Dean working on the floor of  a low deck. 

“Dean!” 

Dean looked up from his work on the deck and smiled. He’d been doing better since he bought this house and started working on it. Sam was glad his brother had found something to keep himself distracted with after the disaster that had happened with his last relationship. 

“Sammy!” Dean put his tools down next to him and stood to hug his brother. “What are you doing here, man? Didn’t expect you back from your love trip with Jess until tomorrow.”

“She wasn’t feeling well, so we flew back a day early.” Sam had been on a week-long vacation trip with his wife. “And it wasn’t a love trip, it was a couples retreat for soulmates.” 

“Yeah yeah, whatever." Dean dusted his jeans before hugging his brother.  “She okay?”

“Yeah.” Sam hugged and slapped his brother’s back. “ She kicked me out of the house. Apparently I hover too much.” 

“Aww. I thought you were here ‘cause you missed me.” Dean slapped his brother on the shoulder and messed with his hair. Sam pushed him away and slapped him on the back. 

“Shut up, man. Do you want my help or not?” 

“Sure. I’m just finishing this deck.” Dean walked around what he’d been working on all morning. He was almost done with the flooring. Sam followed him to where he’d left the tools he was using before. 

“What about the house? How’s the inside going? When are you planning on selling?” 

“I’m not selling this one, Sammy.” Dean leaned on the rail he’d installed today and looked back at the house. It still looked awful on the outside, but he had plans for that. The inside, though, was the perfect set up for him: big open floor plan in the kitchen and living room, huge master bedroom and bathroom that he’d fixed up to his liking. 

“No?” Sam asked.

“Nah. I kinda fell in love with it,” Dean shrugged. This was the first house he’d fixed up by himself. He’d put his soul into fixing it and changing the floor plan to fit his vision. He didn’t think he’d be able to let it go now. 

“When are you planning on moving in?” 

“Well, every room on the lower floor is ready. So, as soon as I finish this deck I’ll start bringing in all my stuff.”  Dean walked back to his tools, handing a box of nails to his brother. 

“What about the yard?” Sam turned to look away from the deck, prompting Dean to turn as well. The backyard was huge, which had been one of the things Dean had liked about the house, but it was also a mess of overgrown grass and bushes of unknown origin. 

“I think I can cut it all down like I did in this area and then plan something from there.” Dean pointed at the area closer to where they were standing. 

Sam scratched the back of his head.“What about all the plants that have been growing there for all these years? You’re just gonna get rid of it all?” Dean looked at his brother and shrugged. 

“I have no idea what else I would do with it. Gardens aren’t exactly my thing.” Dean had never been interested in gardens; he’d always had someone helping him with his designs on that front. Designing buildings and homes was easy for him… gardens? That was a whole other thing. 

“Umm… if you are interested in hiring someone to work on your garden, Jess and I found this nursery a few weeks ago. The owner offers landscaping jobs.” Sam suggested.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, wondering if it was worth it or not. 

“The place is amazing, Dean. The owner’s knowledge of local plants is impressive. Just talk to him and tell him about what you need and then decide if you want his help or not. You’ve got nothing to lose.” Sam was right. He was between design jobs and had nothing but time to work on his home.

“Alright, Sammy. We can drive there this weekend. You free?” 

“Yeah. Jess works Saturday so I’ll be free.” 

“Awesome. I’ll bring Baby and pick you up.”

“Cool.”

“Now, help me finish this deck.”

“Ugh, now?” Sam groaned exaggeratedly. 

“Yes. Now, Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Dean said as he parked the Impala in front of the nursery shop his brother had recommended. 

“Novak’s Nursery. Beyond Your Wildest Plantasy?” Dean read. “Is this for real?” 

“Yes. It’s for real.” Sam opened the passenger door and got ready to leave the car. “Don’t be an asshole before you even step in the shop.”

“I’m not being an asshole. It’s just so…planty.” Dean leaned his chest on Baby’s steering wheel and stared at the front of the shop. He could see through its huge windows that it was full of flowers of every color and that there was a huge greenhouse on the back. 

“Just get out of the car, man.” Sam lifted himself out of the car and shut the door with a little more force than necessary. 

“Hey!” Dean got out of the car behind his brother. “Be careful with Baby, she didn’t do anything to you.”

“Nothing’s gonna happen to the car, Dean.” Sam said as he walked into the shop. Dean followed his brother into the store and slapped him in the back of the head. 

“Hey! Do not let her hear you say that! She’s a lady!” Sam turned to look at him and gave him his much practiced Bitch Face #2, the ‘You’re an idiot, Dean’ face. 

“Just remember we’re here for you, man.” There was no one in the counter, so both of them walked through to the back where they found more people walking around than Dean thought normal for a flower nursery. 

“Do you know who we’re supposed to be talking to?” Dean asked as he looked around. 

“Not exactly,” Sam shrugged. “Just look for someone with a name tag and ask.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s spread out,” Dean told his brother. “Meet you back here in 20.”

Chapter Text

Dean walked around the store trying to find an available worker. He often got distracted by the crazy amount of plants and flowers available. They had all kinds of colors and sizes as well as patio decorations that went from small, colorful pride flags to huge umbrellas and stone statues. 

He was walking beside some bright yellow wildflowers when he heard a loud buzzing right by his ear. 

“Shit!” He tried to move away from the small bumblebee that was flying near his shoulder. He’d always been afraid of bees. They’d never stung him or anything, but he always got the urge to swat them away. 

Once he got rid of the buzzing fucker he turned back to the flowers and realized there were dozens of the small bugs flying around pollinating or whatever. 

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered as he started moving away from the flower bed. A body behind him made him stumble but a hand on his shoulder saved him from falling ass first on the muddy floor. 

“You know bees are harmless, right?” A deep voice said from behind him. Dean turned to see the most attractive guy he’d ever met standing right in front of him. He was wearing  a short sleeved white shirt with the store logo on the front and a pair of soil-stained jeans. What really made Dean choke on his own saliva were the man’s bright blue eyes. They were sky blue surrounded by dark eyelashes and the sexiest stubbled chin on the planet. 

“E-excuse me?” Dean cleared his throat. He hoped he hadn’t been silent for too long. The other man tilted his head to the side and frowned at Dean. 

“The bees,” he pointed at the bee-filled flower bed. “They are harmless as long as you don’t spook them.” 

“You sure, man? They’re all over me.” Dean was exaggerating, of course he was, but this was a life or death situation. 

“They probably like your bright colored shirt.” Blue eyes explained with a shrug. 

Dean turned down to look at the yellow plaid he was wearing. It was one of his favorites, he wore it every few days, so he really didn’t pay much attention to it when he chose it that morning. Bees were attracted to yellow? Huh. Go figure.

“Oh. I didn’t know they did that.” He looked back at Blue Eyes and had to bite his tongue before he blurted out anything stupid. The man didn’t seem to notice, he just kept talking. 

“Bees are amazing creatures.” Blue eyes nodded and turned to the flowers and actually extended his hand towards the fuzzy bugs flying around. “They can see all colors — except red. Bees are some of the most important creatures we share this planet with. In fact, these buzzing beauties are responsible for almost one out of every three bites of food we eat.” 

Dean could do nothing but stare. The man must’ve realized he was rambling because he looked back at Dean and blushed. It was beautiful. 

“Sorry,” he said. “I can get a little carried away when I talk about bees. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“No worries, man. I’m just looking for the owner.” Dean pulled up his sleeves unconsciously. “To talk about some landscaping for my backyard. They do that here, right?”

“Of course.” Blue eyes nodded. “It would be my pleasure to help.” 

“Um. Okay?” 

“Oh. Sorry. My name is Cas Novak. I’m the owner and landscaper.” Blue eyes – Cas Novak – offered his hand and Dean took it without thinking. As soon as their hands touched, Dean felt it. It was like a lightning bolt of electricity ran up his arm, making goosebumps appear all over his arms. Cas must’ve felt it too because he looked down at their clasped hands and cradled Dean’s hand with both of his. 

Dean knew this feeling, he’d felt it before, when he first touched Cassie, Michael, Bela, and Lee. It had never been as strong as this,  never been this profound.

An urge to make completely sure made Dean look down at their clasped hands. Cas’s arms were covered in tattoos, and Dean didn’t know how he hadn't noticed them before. They were compelling. Flowers of all colors, tessellating hexagons and bright yellow bees. 

Then he saw it. The soulmark was subtle, almost hidden behind all the brightness around it, but it was right there on his left wrist. 

Seven hexagons forming a flower. 

If he dared to lift his own left arm and look at his wrist he’d see the same exact mark. It was impossible, marks were never identical, only similar. No soul was the same as another. 

Right?

“Dean!” 

Hearing his name, Dean pulled his hand away from Cas’s with a gasp. He turned to look at his brother and walked as fast as he could towards him. 

“Dean, is everything okay?” Sam asked. Dean didn’t have an answer for him. He just walked past his brother and out of the shop. He could hear Sam calling for him to stop, but he couldn’t. He had to get the fuck out and as far away from that place as he could. 

From that man. 

From his soulmate.

Dean could hear the vibration of his cellphone through Baby’s seat. He’d been driving for an unknown amount of time in an equally unknown direction. Sam was probably pissed at him. Leaving him behind was probably an asshole move, but he needed to leave. 

His left wrist was still tingling. He thought he was done with feelings like this. How his soul resonated with the seven hexagons on his wrist urged him to turn back. Tightening his grip on Baby’s steering wheel, he pushed her to go faster, running as far and as fast as possible. 

People were lucky if they met one possible soulmate in their lifetime. Two were extra lucky, but Dean had been one of the rare ones to have met four already. He’d been excited to meet them, of course, but when each relationship failed after a few months, he’d lost faith in the mark. 

Everyone around him seemed to be living the life. Sam and Jess had been together since they met freshman year of college. His best friend Charlie had met her own soulmate, Dorothy, right after graduating and even his quirky partner Garth had met Beth during an architects’ convention last year. 

He was the only one that kept meeting potential soulmates. He gave everything of himself to make the relationship succeed, but it never worked. He always messed it all up somehow, got cheated on, used or been second best to something or someone else. 

Dean dreaded remembering the depression he’d suffered after Lee, his last boyfriend, had ended their almost year-long relationship. Sam and his friends had to drag him out of the bottom of a ditch. Literally and figuratively. 

Glaring at the perfect hexagon tessellate on his wrist, he pushed his sleeve down to cover it. He’d be fucking crazy if he ever let himself fall for someone again and then suffer through not being enough for them to stay. 

He was the one always left behind, dreaming of what could've been, what should’ve been…

Dean didn’t slow Baby down enough when he made a U turn, making her tires smoke on the asphalt. He’d made his mind up.

Fuck his soul mark.

 And fuck Cas Novak.

Chapter Text

“Dean!” Sam walked out of Dean’s house, sliding the door with a little more force than needed. “Where the fuck have you been, you jerk? I’ve been looking for you for hours!”

Dean turned to look at his brother. He extinguished the cigarette in his hand and exhaled the last of the smoke in his lungs. He was sitting on his new deck, legs dangling from the end and nearly touching the out-of-control grass in his backyard. 

“Sorry, Sammy.” He grabbed the box of cigarettes from beside him and pulled out another one. He lit it and pulled a lung full of smoke before letting it out through his nose. “I needed to get out of there.”

“You’re smoking again?” Sam sat beside him, his long legs almost reaching the ground. Dean only ever resorted to smoking when he was feeling the urge to go for a drink. Being almost one year sober after the Lee fiasco was the only reason why he’d bought a box of cigarettes instead of a pint of whiskey. “I thought you quit.”

“I did,” Dean said, blowing more smoke into the evening air.  “Something came up.”

Sam stared at him for a quiet moment, probably trying to figure out what was wrong with Dean without asking. Dean just stared at the mess that was his backyard, urgency to clean it out permanently in the back of his mind. 

“What happened?” Sam asked quietly. 

“Nothing for you to worry about.” Dean looked down at his smoking cigarette. He was almost done with it but suddenly felt nauseated and aggressively extinguished it on the sole of his boot. 

“Bullshit,” Sam accused him. “You don’t just bring out your cigarettes for nothing. Something happened at the store. Did Novak say something to you?”

“You know Cas?”

“I don’t know him. I just know he was the person you were talking to. He tried to follow you but I stopped him,” Sam explained. Dean suddenly felt grateful to have Sam on his side. He was one of the reasons Dean knew he’d be okay by himself. 

“Thanks, Sammy.”

They stared at the darkening sky for a few more minutes without saying anything. Sam sighed, making Dean turn to look at him. His brother was looking down towards Dean’s lap. When Dean turned to follow his brother’s gaze he saw his right hand was unconsciously rubbing the soulmark on his left wrist. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Dean knew that Sam knew that he didn’t want to talk about it. He also knew his brother was just fishing for more information, the lawyer in him always looking to find every single speck of available information possible. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Sammy.” Dean pulled his long sleeved shirt down to cover his wrist and looked at his garden again. It still impressed him how much nature had taken over the area. The previous owners had confessed that they’d abandoned the house and let the plants in the garden grow out of control. 

Now he would have to find someone else to help him clean this area or at least rent one of those heavy duty lawnmowers 

“If you want me to guess what happened, I can do that.” Sam used his elbow to push Dean. “But I would prefer for you to tell me.” 

“Sammy, don’t.” Dean glared at his brother. He was tired of everyone, especially his brother, insisting that they needed to know everything that was going on in his life. So what if he had decided to never date again? After having his heart broken by his so-called ‘soulmates’, he was done with that fantasy. It just wasn't for him. 

“I just want to help.” Sam looked at him with the same look Sam always used to get away with things when they were young and Dean could do nothing to fight it. 

“I don’t need your help.” 

“You do.” Sam insisted.

“Yeah? What makes you say that?” Dean couldn’t even look directly at his brother anymore. The man had a hero complex the size of Kansas. It showed in his job and when he thought his family needed help. Unfortunately for Dean, Sam thought he needed help now. 

“You just met a potential soulmate and instead of asking for his number, you ran away.” Sam explained simply. “You’re lucky to have this chance more than once in a lifetime, you should take advantage of it.”

Dean felt his heart constrict just remembering all the other times he’d ‘taken advantage of it’, and he was one-hundred percent sure that he did not want to try again. “You don’t understand, Sammy.”

“Of course I do!” Sam raised his voice in exasperation. “Lee broke your heart and now you don’t want to put yourself out there again. Not everyone is as lucky as you. At least you get the chance to try a second time—”.

“Fifth.” Dean interrupted. 

 Sam stared at his brother in shocked silence. “What?”

“Cas is the fifth person I’ve met that has a soul mark similar to mine.” He wouldn’t tell his brother that Cas’ mark was actually identical to his. He still didn’t believe that part himself. 

“I–Five?” Sam still looked like Dean had told him he had two heads.

“Yeah.” He could feel Sam’s stare intently at him. It made his urge for a drink more prominent. Painfully picking at his thumb nail helped him focus on something different, but he still hid his hands from his brother. He wasn’t ready for another lecture. 

“But, you never said anything.” 

“I know.” Dean looked at his brother. “At first I didn’t because you were too young. Then I went to college and after that, New York. It just didn’t seem like something to talk about over the phone. I didn’t want to bother you with all my love life issues.”

“I told you about mine all the time.”

“That just made it even harder.” Sam had met Jess during his freshmen year of college and had never looked back. They had what Dean liked to call an apple pie life. They shared an almost identical soul mark, Sam’s filled and Jess’s only the outline.

“I would’ve helped, Dean.” 

“I know that. I just didn’t want to talk about it.” Dean shrugged. “I think, deep down I knew there was something wrong with all of those relationships. I didn’t feel like sharing in my failures.”

“I still can’t believe you’ve had four soul matches already. That’s unheard of.”

“Yeah. I’m not good enough to make even one of them stay with me.” 

“Don’t say that. I’m sure it wasn’t anything you did. Sometimes relationships don’t work.” Sam always sounded so reasonable. Either way, Dean knew that every possible soulmate relationship he’d had before had failed because of him. 

“Soul relationships almost never fail, Sammy,and guess what? I was the common denominator in all of them. Which obviously makes it my fault they all failed.” Dean had known there was something wrong with him when his second soul match relationship failed. After all, once is a chance, twice is coincidence, and three times is a pattern. He almost didn’t survive a fourth, and he didn’t even want to think of the possibility of a fifth. 

That pint of whiskey started looking more and more appetizing in Dean’s mind, he was really, really close to running out of there and drinking one all in one go. Dean brought his hand up to his mouth and started biting the cuticle on his thumbnail. 

“Dean,” Sam took his hand and pulled it away from his mouth. Dean looked up at his brother and sighed. “What?”

“Want to go to the gym? Get some of this stress out with a couple of boxing matches?” 

“It’s almost midnight, the gym is probably closed.” 

“I’m sure Jesse and Cesar will let us borrow the key.” Sam stood and cleaned the back of his jeans, making dust fall on Dean. Dean sneezed and glared up at his brother, who was offering a hand to help him stand. 

“Bitch,” Dean said, grabbing his brother’s hand and pulling himself up. 

“Come on, Jerk. You can try to beat me and make me pay for it,” Sam turned and started walking back into the house. 

“You’re on!” Dean ran to catch up with his brother. 

-

It was past one in the morning when Dean and Sam finished with their three rounds of friendly boxing. Sam had won twice, but Dean had nagged him until he’d accepted a draw in their last match. 

They were both sitting on the canvas and leaning against the ring’s ropes. Their shorts and shirts were drenched in sweat and their gloves had been thrown haphazardly on the floor by their feet. 

Dean didn’t want to admit it, but this had really helped him calm down and process what had happened with Cas Novak. 

“Sammy,” Dean said between breaths. “Thanks.”

“No problem, Dean.” Sam smiled and lifted himself up. He started gathering their things before crouching on the opposite ropes, pushing them open and leaving the ring. “You ready to go home?”

“Yeah.” Dean laid down on the canvas and rolled out of the ring. “I’ll give you a ride.”

“You better.”

It took them a few minutes to gather their things, clean the area and turn off all the lights. Making sure the alarm was set, they locked the door from the outside and placed the keys on the secret compartment Jesse had set somewhere to the left of the door. 

Sam joined Dean in the Impala and they quietly drove away. 

“Hey,” Sam said from the passenger seat. “You should go back and talk to Cas anyway.” 

“Yeah?” Dean had been thinking of going back to at least apologize for his rude departure. “You think I should?”

“Yeah. Apologize to the man and explain what’s going on. That way he’s not waiting for you or expecting anything from you.”

“Mmm.” Explaining anything to the man was the las thing Dean wanted to do, but he could. An apology was the least he could do.

Chapter Text

It took Dean three whole days to gather the courage he needed to drive back to the store and apologize to Cas. He parked Baby across the street from the shop and contemplated exactly what he would say to the man.  

He would definitely apologize for being an ass the last time he’d been here. A simple, ‘Hey I’m sorry for running out on you last week, that was totally rude,’ would suffice. Then he’d walk away and look for a different store to help him with his backyard. He didn’t need to talk to this man or come back to this shop ever again.

Dean patted Baby’s hood for good luck and crossed the street towards the shop. The same tacky slogan made him chuckle under his breath as he opened the door. A loud bell rang and announced his arrival to everyone in the shop. 

Unlike the weekend when he’d come with Sam, the shop was empty of any other customers. The dark haired lady behind the counter turned to look at him and smiled. 

“Welcome to Novak’s Nursery. How may I help you today?” Dean walked over to the counter and smiled his usual charming smile. He read her name tag and discovered her name was Hannah. 

“Hello there, Hannah. I’m looking for Cas, is he available?” Dean hoped the man wasn’t busy; he needed to get this apology out of the way and return home. He’d promised Garth he would help him with some blueprints for a project he was working on. 

“Cas is currently working with the bees in the back. Can I ask why you are looking for him? Maybe I could be of help instead?” She was trying to be helpful and Dean appreciated it, but he needed to talk directly to Cas. A second hand apology wouldn’t be enough. 

“Ah. I need to talk to him directly. I kind of behaved like an ass the last time I was here and I want to apologize.” He said to Hannah, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. 

“Oh.” Hannah’s eyes widened. Dean wasn’t sure why, but he had a slight suspicion that she knew who he was. If not by name, then by deed, or maybe even because of that. He touched his left wrist to make sure his long sleeved flannel covered it completely. 

“Let me call him. Could I enquire about a name?” She asked, way too politely for Dean’s liking. 

“Name’s Dean. Dean Winchester,” He said without a second thought. She nodded, asked him to wait, and left, leaving him alone with his thoughts in the front of the store. He walked around to pass the time and found a corner where all sorts of seeds were presented in little packages with pictures and instructions. 

He was soon distracted by the building itself. It was an older building, likely built when the town first came to be. The land at the back, where all the plants (and apparently the bees) were, meant that the store was probably a farm before it was converted to a store. Which made sense, now that Dean looked at the bones of the building. 

He was still contemplating his mental blueprint of the store when the sound of a door opening made him turn back to look at the counter. Instead of Hannah returning from wherever she’d gone, Cas was walking towards him. Hair as dark and crazy as he remembered, dark stubble that covered his chin and lower cheeks, bright blue eyes staring directly at him. He was wearing long, loose jeans, black vans and a short sleeved shirt that showed his perfectly muscled, tattooed arms.

“Hello, Dean.” 

Just those two words were enough to make Dean’s whole left arm start to tingle. His soul mark had never felt like this before. He’d definitely felt something similar before, but never as extreme as this. Other parts of his body were starting to get interested in what was happening as well. 

“Hey Cas. Sorry to bother you.” Dean tried very hard not to lift his left hand and touch Cas. That would be really bad. Really, really bad. 

“It’s not a bother.” Cas tilted his head in confusion. “I’m always at the disposal of my clients.” 

Right. He was Cas’ client right now. He had to stop getting distracted by the beautiful man in front of him and the reactions he was having to him. “Yeah. About that. I’m just here to apologize for storming out the last time I was here. It was super rude of me.”

“No, please. Don’t apologize.” Cas lifted his own left hand and reached for Dean’s arm. It was surely an unconscious movement on Cas’ part, (Dean understood how hard it was not to touch a possible soulmate when they were right in front of you) so Dean stepped back just enough to evade any sort of touch. 

Cas retreated and fisted his hand to his heart. He looked confused, as if he didn’t understand why Dean had moved away. ‘Explain what’s going on.’ Sam’s voice repeated in Dean’s brain. ‘He probably doesn’t understand.’ But Dean had already decided to never again talk about the mark they shared. 

So he did what he usually did when he found himself in an uncomfortable situation. 

Change the subject, quick!

“So, ummm. I heard you guys do landscaping?” Dean blurted without thinking. 

“Oh, of course. We do.” Cas’ expression changed instantly from confused frown to a professional smile. His small smile melted Dean’s cold heart instantly. “Were you interested in hiring us for a job?”

‘What? No! I was gonna leave right away!’

“Uh.” Dean cleared his throat. “Sure. Why don’t I leave you my information and you can stop by the house and tell me what you think I could do with the area?” 

“I can definitely do that.” Cas turned to walk back behind the counter and started blurting out all sorts of options that Dean was definitely not paying attention to. 

What the fuck had he just done? He’d invited the man he’d sworn to never see again to his home? He pulled on his hair and took a deep breath to try and calm his racing heart. 

“Me and my fucking mouth.” He muttered to himself. 

“I’m sorry. You said something?” Cas asked. He was holding a pen and a clipboard, shyly oferieng them to Dean.

“No. no.” Dean quickly wrote his information and handed back the clipboard. 

“Looking forward to it.” Cas said with a smile as he hugged the clipboard to his chest. The position let Dean see even more detail of the fantastic art on the man’s arms. He could see honeycombs dripping with honey, bees flying around and even more colorful flowers. 

“Right.” Dean said after an award silence, turned and left with a quick. “See ya, Cas.”

Once in Baby, Dean stared at his trembling hands. What had just happened? Why had he invited the man into his home? “What the actual fuck.” 

Dean closed his eyes and leaned back on his seat, in a futile attempt to try to calm his racing heart. 

Chapter Text

On Thursday he woke up with a heavy feeling of dread in his stomach. It was the day that Novak’s Nursery would send someone, probably Cas himself, to his home for an inspection. They promised to have a quote ready for him after the visit, with a plan for his garden. 

He tried to keep busy to distract himself from thinking of the blue eyed gardener and their shared soulmark by starting random projects in his house. He’d already painted the office, his bedroom and the kitchen cabinets. 

The doorbell ringing distracted him from deciding which color he wanted to paint the guest bathroom. He unconsciously looked at himself in the mirror, making sure his hair was not a mess. Quickly realizing he was being an idiot, he muttered ‘idiot’ before walking over to the front door. 

He opened the door and saw Cas standing on his front porch. He was wearing dirt smeared jeans and a shirt with the nursery’s logo in the front. He had a baseball cap on his head, covering his amazing hair, and a pair of sunglasses that he instantly lifted showing Dean his amazing blue eyes.

“Hello Dean.” 

“Hey, Cas.”

“I’m here to look at your garden.” Cas said in a very serious voice. Dean wondered if this was his work voice or if he was always this serious. 

“Come in then, it’s this way.” Dean opened the door and guided Cas to the back of the house and out the back door. “Don’t mind the mess.” 

They stood on the newly varnished porch and stared at the mess that was Dean’s backyard. It seemed like everytime he looked, more and more plants just sprouted from out of nowhere. 

“This is very overgrown.” Cas said. 

“Yeah. I know, man.” Dean scratched the back of his head. “I tried cutting the grass when I first moved in a few months ago, but my lawnmower kept dying on me.”

“You don’t have any other gardening power tools?” Cas walked around the edge of the porch, stretching his neck and standing on his tiptoes as he tried to see the end of the garden. 

“Na, I thought of buying some, but I don’t have a clue what to buy.” Dean shrugged. 

“Mmm, that’s alright.” Cas adjusted his cap and took a step off the deck. “I’ll take a moment to look around. I have to make sure that I brought everything I need to get started.”

“Of course. Take your time.” Dean started walking back inside without waiting for an answer from Cas. The less time he spent with the man, the better. 

Around an hour later he found himself cooking an early dinner. He hadn't heard anything other than power tools from Cas in the few hours he’d been working outside and had felt himself relaxing as time went on. 

He was almost done cooking his spaghetti sauce when he heard a knock on his back door. “Come in, Cas!” 

“I– I don’t want to bring dirt inside.” Cas said still peeking in through the door but not stepping inside. 

“Are you kidding? Just come in, the whole house is still a mess from all the reno I’ve been doing, it can’t get any worse. 

“If you are sure.” Cas muttered and walked into the kitchen. 

“You done out there?” Dean asked without looking away from his sauce.

“Oh. No, I’ll need a couple more days to get it all cleared out. I was able to mostly cut the overgrown grass  but some of the weeds are almost an inch in diameter. I’ll have to come back tomorrow to get them from the root if you don’t want them to grow right back.” 

Dean closed his eyes in dread. He thought he would be done with Cas today. Now the man was saying he would be coming back twice more? He suppressed the urge to sigh and said. “Alright. Anything else?”

“I found a bee hive under a stone bench in the far right corner, so I’ll need to bring the tools necessary to relocate them.” Dean finally turned around and stood frozen in place when he caught sight of Cas. 

The man was sweaty. Hair disheveled, cheeks flushed with the heat of the summer and dirt smeared on the right side of his neck. His amazing honeycomb tattoos are on perfect display against the white counter on his kitchen island. 

“Unless you want to keep them here?” Cas asked cautiously when Dean didn’t respond. 

“No, no. Relocating them sounds perfect.” His timer beeped, prompting him to turn back around. “You want to stay for dinner?” Dean blurted out, then bit his lip to stop himself from cursing his stupidity. ‘Moron! You want him out of your house as soon as possible!”

“Oh! Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother.” Cas sounded happy. Dean turned back around after combining his pasta and tomato sauce. He found Cas smiling brightly from his spot.

“Y-yeah.” Dean cleared his throat. ‘No backing out now.’ “As long as you don’t mind using paper plates.”

“No complaints here.”

Dean served two plates of steaming spaghetti and unconsciously sat on the chair next to Cas. The other man thanked him for the meal and started eating immediately. Dean tried to concentrate on his food but he was completely distracted by the man beside him. Every time he moved his left arm it would brush against Cas’s right and send shivers through his skin. 

He closed his eyes and shoved a large forkful of pasta in his mouth trying to think of anything other than the man beside him and their matching marks. 

“Dean.”

Dean turned in surprise, slurping a few spaghetti strands that were hanging from his mouth and swallowing quickly.

“Yeah, Cas?” The next thing he knew Cas’s hand was on his cheek and he was closing in for a kiss. Their lips touched, and Dean was lost in the sensation of Cas’s soft lips on his. He found himself responding to the kiss without thinking.

Dean felt the connection between them deepening instantly. It was stronger than any other he’d felt before. Profound in a way he could not explain. He knew if they let it develop, if he accepted Cas as his soulmate and then lost him, he would not be able to survive it. 

“Stop.” He said, softly breaking the kiss and pushing Cas away from him. “You have to leave.”

“Dean? What’s wrong?” Cas asked.

“I can’t do this.” He turned away from Cas. “You have to go.”

“But we–”

“Get out!”

For a moment, he couldn’t hear anything but the beating of his heart. Then the loud click of the front door closing made him look up. 

Cas was gone. 

-

Later that night, he asked Charlie if she could stop by for an hour or two. She agreed, not even questioning the fact that it was almost 10pm on a weekday. 

As soon as he opened the door for her she frowned.

“Everything okay?” 

“No,” he groaned. 

“What happened?” Charlie asked, walking inside and guiding him to the only chairs he had in his house at the moment. 

“I think–no. I know I made a mistake but I couldn’t help myself.” He pulled his hair in frustration. “I knew this was gonna bite me in the ass in the long run.”

“Well, tell me what’s going on and I might be able to help you figure it out.”

He loved Charlie, she was like the sister he never had, and he knew he could tell her about Cas and the soulmark situation. It just seemed like more than he could do at the moment. He was sure she would tell him to give Cas a chance. 

“I just– I don’t think you’ll agree with what I want to do in this situation, Charlie.” 

“Why do you think that?” She frowned at him. “Did you meet someone? Are they not compatible with you?” 

Being ‘compatible’ was not the problem. The problem was being too compatible. He didn’t want to even contemplate the idea of starting something with Cas. The thought of giving himself fully to the relationship scared the crap out of him. 

“We are more than fucking compatible Charlie, you have no idea. I’m just – I’m scared of what will happen when he inevitably leaves me too.” Dean confessed. 

“Oh, Dean.” Charlie was one of the only people that knew of his history with soulmates. She’d been trying to convince him that all those breakups had not been because of him, but how could they not have been?

“I cannot let myself fall in love again, Char. The last time almost killed me.” Charlie walked over to where Dean was standing and hugged him. 

“You know that I’ve always believed there was someone out there for you.” Charlie said softly. “You are the most amazing person in the whole entire world, and all those other people are the assholes for hurting you.” 

Dean tightened his hug. It was kind of Charlie to think that way. 

“Maybe if you gave this person a chance—” 

“I can’t.” Dean interrupted her hoping he didn’t sound as scared as he felt. “I can’t take the chance. I don’t think my soul could take it.”

“Okay, okay. I understand.” She continued to hug him for the longest time. Dean knew he was probably hugging her too tightly but she never complained or told him to stop. “Do you think you could go see him one more time? You might not want to start anything with the guy but at least let him know it is not anything he did.”

“Yeah.” Dean said after a moment of silence. He stepped back from their hug and nodded. “I was an asshole. Again. I should at least apologize.”

Hopefully this time he would be able to follow  through with his plan and end his not-relationship with Cas. 

Chapter Text

The next afternoon Dean found himself waiting outside Novak’s Nursery until closing time. He was still feeling guilty about screaming at the man and throwing him out of his house.

Talking to Charlie had solidified his decision to cut ties with Cas completely. No more fumbling or blurting out unwanted invitations.  He would make sure to tell Cas that he didn’t have plans on returning here anymore. 

Watching as the employee, Hanna, left made him sit up and lean forwards in his car. He stayed hidden by lowering his head behind his steering wheel and watched her as she walked towards her car and drove away. 

This was his chance, Cas was the only person left inside. Quickly leaving his car and crossing the street he tried to push into the store but couldn’t. The doors were locked from the inside. Had Hanna locked them when she left? He didn’t think he had seen her lock anything. 

 He pushed the door one more time, but they didn’t budge. “Fuck.”

He turned and leaned back on the closed glass doors looking up at the cloudless sky. Figures that when he actually wanted to talk to the man he was not available. He probably had other home visits or was somewhere else saving bees. 

Watching the blue sky darken slowly he  couldn’t help but compare it to Cas’ eyes. They were radiant blue when the sunlight hit them just right, but darkened when he was in the shade. His wrist started stinging softly, he liked to think of this feeling as his soul vibrating. He’d felt it a few times before, with the others, but never as strongly or as deeply as he felt it with Cas. 

He placed his left hand over his heart, and sighed. 

Why was his own soul betraying him like this? Hadn’t he suffered enough? 

“Dean?” 

Dean gasped and looked to his right, Cas was standing there carrying a large takeout bag in one hand. There was a strange look on Cas’s face. Was he …sad?

“Cas.”

“What are you doing here?” Cas frowned. 

“I–I came to apologize.” Dean stammered “For yesterday.”

“Well… you’re forgiven. Now you can tell me why you are really here.” He continued walking past Dean and towards a gated door on the far left of the building. 

This was his chance. He had apologized and Cas had heard him do it. He was off the hook. He could tell him he didn’t want to see him again and cut ties completely.

But the words wouldn't come and his feet wouldn’t move. 

Cas seemed to have stopped as well. 

“Tell me the real reason.” He said without turning. 

Dean frowned in confusion. “I came to apologize.”

“So you said, but…” Cas placed his takeout bag by the door and turned. “ I don’t believe that.”

“What?” Dean was frozen in place, and couldn't move even if he wanted to. 

“You are here for a different reason.” Cas walked towards him. Blue eyes so intense it seemed like they were glowing in the afternoon sunlight. 

“I’m here to apologize for throwing you out of my place. I’ve done that. Now I’m leaving.” With that he finally was able to turn towards the Impala. He was determined to walk away and never coming back, his soul depended on it. 

A pull on his left hand made him turn. 

Cas held tight, not letting go even when Dean tried to pull away. “What the fuck man! Let go of my hand!”

Cas instantly let go of Dean’s hand but the sadness radiating from him made Dean pause to listen. “That day at the shop, I was sure I was dreaming. I have never met anyone with a soulmate mark similar to mine. I’ve wished for it, longed for it with all my soul, but it never happened. Until you walked into my shop.”

“There’s nothing special about finding a soulmate, man.” Dean said with disgust. “I should know, I’ve met four before you.”

“Four?” Cas asked, surprised. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“Well it’s true.” Dean frowned just thinking of them. “And guess what. I was never enough for any of them.”

“But— you are so lovely.” Cas’s voice softened. 

Dean couldn’t help but blush at the word. ‘Lovely? What the hell is wrong with this guy?’ His frown deepened despite his blush. “That’s what always happens. They all liked me just fine at the beginning. Our souls fuse over time, or at least mine does, then they would leave, and it broke me every time.” 

“How could–How could they do that?” Casitel looked horrified. “I would never!” 

“That’s what they all said too. We are soulmates Dean. We are forever. I’m never leaving you. What a joke.” Dean felt his broken soul constrict in his chest at the memory. They all said it, but none of them meant it. 

Cas looked disgusted, like just thinking of what Dean was saying was inconceivable. “I can’t believe anyone would ever do that to their soulmate. A soulmate is something precious that one should love and cherish over anyone else. I’ve been waiting for the chance to experience this connection with anyone else for so long.”

They stood there and stared at each other. Dean felt like Cas was saying everything he’d always wanted to hear, his heart and soul swelled with the want and need to believe him. His brain, though, was screaming at him to run, run and never look at this man again. 

“Please Dean, believe me when I say that I can feel how bright your soul is. My own soul responds to yours so profoundly. I have never experienced anything like this. You must give me a chance to prove it to you.” Cas pleaded, bright blue eyes staring right at Dean.

Cas was very convincing but Dean knew exactly how this would end. Nothing was ever as easy as it should be. He was always left behind, pining and wishing for something that would never happen. ‘But what if this time it all worked out?’ A voice that sounded suspiciously like Charlie said in his head. ‘Cas could be the one.’

“Why?” Dean whispered. 

“What?” Cas asked. 

“Why should I believe anything that you say to me?” 

“Because we’re soulmates?” Cas’s answer sounded like a question, his head tilted to one side in confusion. “Can’t you feel our bond?” 

“I can’t feel shit.” Dean lied. “And being soulmates means nothing to me.” He didn’t know how or why, but his connection to this man was so strong already. The lie tasted bitter in his mouth, and he had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from grimacing. 

“You have to give me a chance to show you that I’m different, Dean.” Cas kept trying to take Dean’s left hand in his. He stepped closer and closer, trying to reach for Dean but missing every time. 

“I don’t have to give you shit.” Dean glared. Sidestepping Cas’s hand with short back steps. 

“But you are here. You came looking for me.” Cas said, signaling at Dean standing in front of him.

“To apologize for yesterday and to tell you I’m never seeing you again.” Dean repeated what he’d been saying all this time. He didn’t have any other intentions or expectations at all.  Right?

“You don’t mean that.” Cas insisted, voice soft. “I made a mistake, kissing you without permission was not acceptable and I apologize for that, but you can’t say that you didn’t feel anything.”

Dean glared at Cas and lied again.  “I didn’t.” 

“I think you are lying.” Cas placed a hand on Dean’s right shoulder, giving up trying to reach his left hand. “If you really want me to go I’ll go, but I wish  you would just give me an opportunity to prove that we could be something amazing.” 

Dean thought that was the worst idea he’d ever heard. He started shaking his head but before he could say anything Cas interrupted him. 

“Please, Dean.” 

Dean had a second to remember the worst of his soul ache from his previous relationships. Each time the relationship ended he was the one left behind to pick up the pieces of his soul. The first couple of times hadn’t been so bad, but after the third one he’d used beer and whiskey as a crutch and fallen into a black hole of alcohol dependency.  

But…what if Cas was finally the soulmate he’d been waiting for his whole life. Would he always wonder what could've been? What would've been? Should've been?  Could he honestly say goodbye to Cas without giving him a chance?

None of the other soulmarks had been identical to his after all. Maybe this time it would be different? 

Then he heard Charlie’s voice in his head. Maybe if you gave this person a chance . 

He looked down and stared at his left hand, long sleeve covering his mark, and made a fist. He knew, deep down, that he would regret this, but he would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to give Cas a chance to prove him wrong. 

Dean looked back up and stared right at Catiel’s eyes. “One month,” he said. 

“What?” Casitel asked, breathless.

“You have one month to convince me to give this relationship a try.” Dean shoved Cas’s hand off his shoulder. He felt it burn somehow and shivered unconsciously at the sensation. “Four dates.”

“Four?” Cas smiled at him and quickly pulled on his right elbow guiding him towards the bag of takeout he’d left on the floor. “That sounds perfect. Want to come up to my apartment and plan them? I bought way too much takeout, we can share.” 

“I–What?” Dean stammered.

“You can come up and have dinner with me.” Cas insisted. “We can plan where we want to go for our first date.” 

“But–”

“Come on, my apartment is right here.” 

Dean couldn’t help but let the other man pull him upstairs, his soul feeling strangely relieved by the choice he’d made. 

Chapter Text

It was Wednesday on the first week of the month-long period he’d given Cas  and Dean had to admit he was anxious for the weekend. They had shared Chinese takeout together and planned for a typical dinner and a movie date on Friday. 

Cas had argued that going to the cinema was not conducive for conversation, so Dean had recommended the auto cinema on the outskirts of town. After debating a little on whose car they would drive, Dean ended up convincing Cas that Baby was the only car he’d ever take to the autocinema. Anything else would be a betrayal.

“You cannot be serious.” Cas said, orange chicken half way between his plate and his mouth. “How do you even betray a car?” 

“My Baby is a lady.” Dean explained. “She would not like it if I took a different woman to the cinema.” 

“But, you wouldn't be taking a woman.” Cas said after chewing and swallowing his chicken. “If I had to label my truck, it would definitely be ‘he/him’.

“Mmm.” Dean chewed, “Is that right?”

“Of course Dean,” Cas shrugged. “I only ride men, after all.” 

Dean had laughed so hard, he’d almost thrown up his dinner. In the end, Cas had agreed to take Dean’s impala with the condition that he got to choose their food and drinks for the night. 

He chuckled as he prepared a mixture to start tiling the guest room shower stall. He’d been strangely energetic the last few days, expectation filling him with energy to burn. Even Sam had complained yesterday when he’d come by to help Dean demolish one of the walls in the bathroom and then immediately after start reconstructing the wall. 

A knock on the front door distracted him from his work. Was Sam back asking for more work? Dean thought he’d said he had to go to the office and do some paperwork today. Maybe he’d forgotten something?

He was surprised to see Cas instead of his brother once he opened the door. 

“Cas?” 

“Hello Dean.” Cas smiled from under his baseball cap and sunglasses. Dean was secretly glad he couldn't see Cas’s eyes, the man looked hot enough already. 

“What are you doing here, man?” 

“I came to continue working on your garden. We talked about me working on some more things for a couple more days. Remember?” Now that Dean really looked at Cas, he noticed the man was wearing a work shirt, this time it was gray and had a light purple coneflower with a bee flying around it. 

“Oh, I’d completely forgotten.” Dean scratched the back of his head. He couldn't believe he’d forgotten the man that had been causing him so much turmoil was going to spend the better part of the afternoon working here. “The side door is open if you want to walk straight into the garden. I’ll be working in the guest bathroom down here, if you need anything.” Dean pointed to the inside of the house, not realizing that Cas probably didn’t know what he was even pointing at. “So feel free to come and go as you need.”

“Of course, Dean.” Cas nodded. “I will let you know if there is anything I need.”

“Sure, man.” Dean nodded. “Just give me a shout and I’ll be out there.”

Dean watched for a minute as Cas walked back to his truck and started sorting through his tools. Not wanting to be caught staring he quickly closed the door and walked back into the bathroom. 

He wasn’t expecting to see Cas today. He felt himself blush as he started sorting the tiles he was using. 

It was a nice surprise.

Later that day, Dean had finished one of the three walls in his bathroom. He was peeking out the window at Cas, who was kneeling on the grass pulling out stubborn roots from his garden floor. He could see Cas’s shirt had turned darker with sweat and his jeans were covered in dirt and grass stains. Dean stared unashamedly at the man’s tattooed arms and wondered if he had any others. 

Right at that moment Cas sat back on his feet and used his shirt to clean the sweat off his face. Dean could feel himself stir in his pants when he got a glimpse of the other man’s muscled torso. His question was answered when he realized that it was decorated with even more colorful tattoos. 

Dean had to move away from the window in a hurry when Cas started to stand and turned his way. He felt his heart beating fast against his ribs as he laid against the wall. What was it about this man that made him different from all the others? He was already too invested in the relationship and they’d hadn’t even gone on one date yet. 

“Dean?” 

He didn’t know how long stood there for but hearing Cas startled him into action. 

“Yeah, Cas?” Cas stood right by the backyard door, one foot still outside. 

“Sorry to interrupt. I was finished for today. If you want to come look at the end result?” He pointed back at the garden. 

“Sure, man. Let’s go take a look.” Dean followed Cas out the door and stared. The side of the backyard he could see from the bathroom window had looked amazing but to see the completed work… he was speechless.

“As you can see I completed the cleanwork, got rid of the weeds growing on the edges of the fence, cleaned out all your edges and filled in any bald spots with soil to help the healthy grass grow.” Cas explained as he pointed around the garden.

“I hadn’t realized I had this much space.” Dean muttered. “It looks amazing, Cas.” 

Cas smiled at Dean and shrugged. “Just doing my job. You can do so much with this garden, Dean. You get amazing sunlight all afternoon, perfect for a flower garden or some fruit bushes.” 

“Yeah. Maybe when I’m done working on the inside of the house I can think of some sort of plan for the outside.” Dean looked back at the garden, it really did look amazing. The big tree on the back right corner had a stone bench he didn’t even know was there. 

“That tree back there is a nice peach tree. I pruned it for you and watered it. It should do okay if you water it every other day, just to keep the soil moist.  You’ll have enough peaches to sell at the farmers’ market come July.” Cas explained. 

Dean smiled, he could only imagine all the desserts he would get to make. He’d never had peach pie, but he looked forward to experimenting with flavors. “What about that stone bench? It looks like the area around still has quite a bit of long grass.”

“I was surprised to find it buried under all the weeds and overgrown grass.” Cas nodded. “I will come back and work on that next week. The bee hive I mentioned last time is under it, so I couldn’t clean up too much in that area without disturbing them.” 

“Bees?” Dean vaguely remembered Cas mentioning something about bees the last time he was here. 

“Yes. You mentioned before that it was okay if I relocated them?” Cas asked cautiously. 

“Of course, man. ‘Save the bees, save the planet’ and all that.” Dean shrugged. Cas instantly brightened. “Exactly!” 

They walked together around the house and through the side door towards Cas’s truck. Dean listened as Cas shared random facts about bees and how he had an area with several bee hives in the back of his shop. 

“So you have a lot of space in your shop?” Dean asked. He’d seen a small area of the nursery the first time he was there, and only the storefront the second time. 

“Oh, yeah. I own around 5 acres.”

“Nice!” Dean couldn’t even imagine what he would do if he owned so much land. 

“Yeah.” Cas said, his voice soft and quiet. 

Dean cleared his throat, he could feel the sorrow surrounding Cas and decided to change the subject. “So, about our date this weekend?”

His change of subject worked better than expected because Cas turned to look at him but excited blue eyes and grinned. “I’ll be here at 4 o’clock on the dot.” 

“So, where to?” 

Dean and Cas were sitting in the front of the Impala, ready to go on their first date. Cas had arrived with flowers, if you can believe it, and made Dean blush so badly he’d had to run back in the house and pretendo to look for a vase while wishing his face to go back to normal. 

He sat there, waiting for Cas to give him directions, thinking how ridiculous it was that such a simple gift had meant so much more than anything he’d ever been gifted before. 

“We have to drive south on 49 for a few miles.” Cas said in his usual gravelly voice. 

“Down south?” Dean asked as he turned on the engine. “I thought we were going to the autocinema on the outskirt of town?” 

“We are going to the autocinema down in Paola.” Cas announced proudly. “They have a special couples showing of a movie called “The Princess Bride”, and although I have never watched it. I have it on good authority that it’s a classic.”

“You’ve never watched it?” 

“No.” 

“It’s a classic!” 

“Oh? So you’ve watched it?” Cas asked. He sounded a little… disappointed?

“I have. A few times.” Dean didn’t want to admit he could recite most of the movie.

“Would you prefer we go somewhere else, then?” 

“Pff. Are you kidding? The Princess Bride is one of my favorites.” Dean turned and glanced quickly at Cas. The other man was smiling softly, looking down at his hands and caressing his own soulmark. 

He wondered the rest of the trip how he would manage not to fall in love with this man. 

“Wait a second? You didn’t bring one of those fancy bee suits?” Dean asked Cas once he saw the man walking towards the stone bench in nothing but his well worn jeans and another ‘Novak Nursery’ t-shirt (this time with a carnation on it.)

“No, I haven't used one in years.” Cas explained with a cheeky smile and a shrug of his shoulders. “Bee’s like me.” 

“I’m sure they do.” Dean said, following Cas as far as he dared. He could hear the bees buzzing already and didn’t think it was a good idea to walk any closer. Cas placed the box he had on the floor by his feet before kneeling in front of the stone bench. It really was an amazing spot to sit and read a book or enjoy a morning cup of coffee, once the bee’s were relocated, of course. 

Cas opened the box and Dean was able to see that it was full of empty wood frames. When Cas turned to Dean and saw his confused look, he took one out of the box to show Dean what he was planning to do. “I use these frames and rubber bands to secure the honeycomb. I have to make sure the queen is in the box by the end of the transfer, then the rest of the bees will follow.” 

“Are you sure they will follow?” Dean asked. He’d never even thought about how bees were moved. He could vaguely remember his father getting rid of a beehive and almost burning down his mom’s favorite tree, but not much else. 

“Bees are special that way. Where the queen goes, they follow.” Cas, bright eyed and smiling, carefully pulled the first piece of honeycomb and started securing it on the frame. “Look at their amazing work Dean. The honeycomb they build is amazing, the most efficient way to live, grow their young, store food… It’s amazing.”

Dean watched intently as Cas continued to remove more of the honeycomb. The man actually scooped bees with his bare hands and placed them in the box, looking carefully for the queen. He didn’t know how long he stood there, watching Cas smile as he was surrounded by thousands upon thousands of bees. 

His left wrist tingled and Dean couldn’t help but hold it against his chest. What was it about this man that made him so different from the others? 

“Hello Dean.” For their second date, Cas had invited Dean to a park concert. He’d asked Dean to bring what he wanted to drink and nothing else. He’d picked a six-pack of alcohol free El Sol to share. When he’d arrived, the park was crowded and it took him a minute to spot Cas sitting on a beautifully quilted blanket. He had probably the best spot in the park, under the shade of a large evergreen. 

“Heya Cas, nice spot.” Dean sat beside the man and placed his small cooler on the quilt next to a larger red one. 

“The best one in all the park, just for you.” Cas smiled at Dean and placed his hand on Dean’s forearm. Dean stared down at Cas’s hand, so close to his soulmark he could feel it pulse and instantly thought to remove it, but…he didn’t want to. 

He cleared his throat and couldn’t help but scoot closer to Cas, spread his legs and lean back a little using his right hand to hold himself up. “So, what are we listening to?” 

“Well, a little bee told me you liked 80 rock?” Cas said with a small smile on his face. 

“A little bee?” Dean chuckled.

“Well… it was a rather large one, but I was grateful for the tip either way.” 

“When did you have the opportunity to talk  to my brother, Cas?”  Dean guessed. 

Cas blushed and distracted himself by offering Dean an amazing platter of cheeses, meats, olives and crackers. “He’s been stopping by the shop to get flowers for his wife and we’ve had a few conversations.”

“Ah. I guess this is the only chance he’s had to intervene in my love life, can’t blame him.” Dean regretted saying that right away. His love life? That would only serve to give Cas hope that wasn’t there. 

“He’s never met any of your other–”

“No.” Dean interrupted Cas before he could say the word. “He was too young when I met my first one and I was out of state for the rest of them. Except Lee, but I didn’t let anyone meet Lee.”

“What happened?” Cas asked softly. Dean knew he didn’t have to explain anything to this man, but he just started talking before he could convince himself to keep quiet. 

“Do you want the short version or the long one?” Dean asked. He observed Cas for a minute before the other man said he would like to hear the long story if Dean wanted to share. 

“I’ll start at the beginning then” Dean settled closer to Cas and started. “I met Cassie Robinson when I was in my senior year in highschool. She was a transfer student from the next town over and didn’t have any friends. Hit it off pretty quick.” Dean smiled at the memory. They really had spent a lot of time together that year. “We planned to attend the same college, I was sure we would go together and experience college together and you know… everything that follows.” 

Cas nodded, eating a cracker and taking a swig of the beer Dean had shared with him. 

“Rice University in Houston was our number one choice, and we were both accepted there, but she never told me she had other options.” Dean could only remember the surprise and hurt he’d felt when Cassie had told him she was going to a different college. “She ended up going to USC in Los Angeles. We talked about waiting but… I guess I wasn’t good enough.” 

“She didn’t wait for you?” Cas asked. 

“No, I found out through some mutual friends she had a new boyfriend when I came back home for Christmas break.” Dean ate an olive and continued talking before swallowing. “That kinda told me what she really thought of our bond.”

“I’m sorry Dean.” 

“Don’t be. Had a blast the rest of my college years. Dated everyone I wanted and then some.” Dean said with an unhappy grin. “That is…until I met Michael Milton. He was all charm and high end networking. We met at an architect internship and hit it off right right away, or so I thought.”

“How long were you with him?” 

“We dated for a little over months, and it was good.” Dean signed, remembering all the high end parties he’d attended with Michael. They’d met all sorts of people together and even planned to move to New York together. 

“We both applied to a few architectural firms in New York and planned to move there together… then I found out he’d been applying using my portafolio instead of his.” Dean felt sick just remembering that moment.

“He did what?” Cas frowned and stared at Dean, who nodded.

“He actually got hired for one of the best architectural firms in New York using my designs, the asshole. Love is blind, they say. And I was.” Dean smiled bitterly. “He used me, actually accused me of copying him when I brought the matter up with the company that hired him.”

“Did he get fired?” Cas sounded hopeful. It made Dean chuckle a little. 

“Yeah. I was able to prove that the designs were mine. Silver lining I guess.” 

“I don’t think it made you feel any better.” Cas guessed correctly.

“No, but I did work for that company for a few years and built a reputation, which made me a lot of money and built up my name in the architectural community. Which is how I met Bella. She was even worse than Michael in manipulating me and again, the soulmark on our arms and the supposed love she felt for me blinded me to her schemes.” It had been an awful couple of years where he’d made a lot of money and lost it just as fast because of her. 

“I’m afraid to ask what she did.” Dean smiled at Cas and looked for his packet of cigarettes. He hadn’t had one since that day on his deck but talking about all of this kinda had him on edge. 

“Do you mind?” He asked Cas, taking one out when the other man nodded for him to go ahead. Dean took and let smoke out through his nose before continuing. “She was a fucking gold digger and only wanted me for my money. When someone else came around that had more to give, she moved on.”

“And she already had a soul bond with you?”

“That’s the worst part, they all had.” They were quiet after that. Dean finished his cigarette and put it out on the sole of his boot before placing it in his pocket. “Even Lee.” 

“Lee? Lee Webb? From Webb Constructions?”

“You knew him?” Dean asked. 

“I knew of him. Never met the man himself. I heard he took his Construction company and moved to Kansas City. Hanna mentioned that he had and thought it would be a good idea for Novak Nursery to expand too, but I never saw the need.” Cas shrugged. 

“Not planning on moving, then?”

“No, I have all I need. My shop is successful and self-sufficient, I have connections with all the small businesses in town and the bee community knows where I am if there ever is anything from me.” Cas explained. “This is my home.”

“It’s what made me leave New York. After Bella I was in a bad way, using alcohol to cope with my heartbreak and drowning myself in work when I was sober enough.” Dean explained. “Decided I needed my family close to me. Garth, one of my long time friends, sends me work once in a while. I also kept a few contacts after I moved back home.”

“To be with your family.” Cas guessed correctly.

“Yeah.” Dean smiled. “I hired Webb Construction to help with a fixer upper I bought, and I wanted to be involved, you know? Work with my hands to keep me distracted.” 

“And that is when you met Lee.” Cas said.

“Got it in one.” Dean grabbed another of his alcohol free beers. “He was just what I needed , had a steady job , worked hard for what he had, good people around him. He seemed like the perfect person to try again.”  

“But it didn’t work out?”

“Not even six months passed and he was moving away, taking his whole company with him. He asked me to go too, but I just… couldn’t.” Dean turned to look at Cas. “Why do I have to be the one to always give everything up? Why am I the one always leaving everything behind to make the relationship work? Why can’t my soulmate do everything in their power to stay with me instead? Why am I never enough?”

“I will give everything up to be with you Dean.” Cas’s blue eyes were bright with conviction. “I don’t care what all those other people did. I will give every tree, every flower, every bee away to be with you.”  Dean couldn’t look away, Cas’s eyes were like the summer sky, impossible to look away from, the classic music playing around them drowned everything else. 

“How’s everything with Cas going?” Charlie asked Dean over coffee the Tuesday after their picnic. 

“I guess its going alright.” Dean said. “But I don’t want to get excited by something that might not even work.” 

“Don’t be like that Dean.” Charlie took a swig of her too-sweet coffee concoction. “Cas is the real deal.” 

“Yeah. Him and all the others before him.” 

“You can’t tell me that this feels the same as the others.” Charlie accused him. Dean touched his mark and felt one of those familiar tingles he always felt when he thought about Cas. 

“I—well. No. There’s definitely something about him...”

“See.” Charlie prodded him on his chest. Her thin finger hurt more than he wanted to admit.

“But that doesn’t mean anything Charlie.”

“Of course it does. Even if your big brain is telling you to back off, your soul already knows where it belongs. And that is with Cas.”

“Yeah, maybe.” or maybe not.

Date three happened on a Saturday morning.  Cas invited Dean to the Farmer’s Market that happened downtown Lawrence every other Saturday of every month. His shop had a storefront there and he wanted to show Dean around. 

Dean didn’t have the heart to tell Cas he’d actually grown up going to the Farmer’s Market and he really wasn’t expecting much. He remembered one row of canopy tents, with neighbors selling their home grown vegetables, a bakery that sold soggy pie and a lot of boredom. 

How much could it have changed? 

A lot, was the answer.

“Dean!” Cas called out his name distracting him from everything that was going on around him. He turned to look at Cas and was surprised by how much he’d missed the man. Just standing there, watching him walk towards him, made his heart beat a little bit faster. Like his soul missed Cas’.

“Hey, Cas.” He said breathlessly, instantly trying to distract himself from what he was feeling.  “It’s been a while since I’ve been here. It has changed a bit.” 

“Has it?” Cas asked. “I only joined when I opened my shop a couple of years ago and it already was a big neighborhood party. I’ve felt very welcome since—”

Cas kept talking and talking, showing Dean around. 

That night, as he layed in bed, he tried to remember what Cas had talked about all afternoon, but he couldn’t remember any of it. He’d been distracted by Cas’ pink lips and how much he wanted to kiss them. 

Today was the day they’d planned on having their fourth and last date, a simple dinner at Dean’s place. 

But he’d decided already that he was going to break things up with Cas. 

He’d known getting to know Cas was a bad idea from the beginning. Letting himself be convinced to go on all those dates had just made things harder, but this had always been the outcome he’d planned for. He didn’t think Cas would be too surprised.

It was strange, he’d known this thing with Cas was never going to work out. He’d known it had an expiration date, but he still felt dread just thinking about what he was about to do. 

So much so, that he was actually second guessing his choice. Was he doing the wrong thing? They did have an exactly identical soulmark, (he hadn’t let Cas see it yet, but he’s seen Cas’ mark on that first day) and he had felt something stronger and different than what he’d felt with any of the others. 

Cas was nice, and thought of him all the time. Actually asked what he wanted instead of just telling him what he should like or do or wear. He didn’t want to change or control anything about Dean.

But still…

A knock on his front door distracted him from his spiraling thoughts. 

It was Cas.

He stood there, on Dean’s front porch, holding a bouquet of magnificent red tulips. 

It left Dean speechless.

“Hello, Dean.” Cas presented the flowers for Dean to take. “These are for you.” 

“I–” He felt like something was stuck in his throat. 

“Dean?” Cas looked so worried. He frowned and tilted his face in that adorable way he always did when confused. “Is everything okay?”

“No.” Dean cleared his throat. “No…It’s not.”

“What’s wrong?” Cas placed his free left hand right on Dean’s shoulder and it broke Dean’s heart. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t continue tricking Cas into believing that everything would work out. 

“You should go, Cas.” 

“But–” Cas stepped back as if Dean had punched him in the gut. “Why?”

“I told you from the beginning, it was never going to work out between us.” Dean’s voice was rough and almost inaudible, but the words were clear. “Please understand.”

Cas looked down at his left forearm and then up at Dean.  “I think you are making a mistake.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t think so.” 

Then he closed the door. Nothing else needed to be said. 

Chapter Text

Dean didn’t know how much time had passed. He only knew his mouth tasted of old whiskey and tobacco. He’d drank and smoked more in the last three days than he’d done in a long, long time, and his body was feeling it. He wasn’t even sure what had woken him until he heard heavy footsteps outside his bedroom. 

“Dean?” Sam came into the room without even knocking on the door. “What the fuck happened in here?” 

Dean guessed the room looked like a tornado had passed by, he vaguely remembered trashing it last night after he ran out of whiskey to drink and was looking for his secret stash. He later realized he was living in his fixer upper and barely had anything in the house, let alone secret stashes of whiskey. 

He felt his bed sink down behind him when Sam sat down. A large warm hand on his shoulder forced him to turn around, he instantly cuddled back into a fetal position facing his brother. 

“Dean,” Sam said again while he pushed Dean’s greasy hair away from his forehead. “What did Cas do to you?”

Just hearing Cas’s name made his heart constrict with pain. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “He didn’t do anything.” Dean answered, his voice was rough with disuse and too much smoking. 

Sam sighed and turned to look around the room. “What did you do, then?

Dean opened his eyes to stare directly at the seven hexagons on his left arm. He touched his mark softly before whispering. “I told him to leave.”

“But, why?” 

“He would’ve left me eventually,” he didn’t stop caressing his mark. It had been in excruciating pain since he told Cas to leave two days ago, or had it been three days already?

“You can’t know that for sure, Dean.” Sam said, his voice soft. As if he didn’t want to startle Dean too much. 

Dean turned to look up at the slow moving fan, he couldn't stare at his soulmark anymore,  couldn’t even think of what to say to his brother. Tears streamed out of his eyes and into his ears. 

“I want to tell you something, and I want you to listen carefully.” Dean only blinked, tears still falling across his cheeks. “I went to Cas’s shop yesterday.” 

Dean closed his eyes, tears gathering under his eyelids so fast he had to open them again. He could feel his lower lip tremble with the force of his grief. 

“And?” he finally asked, voice trembling as well. 

“He was sitting on that bench right by the front door, holding a bouquet of wilting red tulips.” Sam explained. “He looked like he’d been sitting there for a while. When I asked him if he was okay he said he wasn’t.” 

Dean scoffed, tuning Sam out. Of course he wasn’t. They had bonded pretty deeply, even if they hadn't done more than hold hands and kiss once or twice. Dean had been surprised by how much they had bonded in the end. 

“...he said he was waiting for you.” 

“What?” Dean frowned as he caught only the last part of what Sam was saying. 

“The man is waiting for you, Dean.” 

“He can’t be.” Dean repeated. ‘He can’t be.’

“Well, he was.”

Sam left after forcing Dean into the shower and helping him clean a little of the mess he’d left in his room. “Please, call me if you feel the need to drown yourself in whiskey again.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

He didn’t know how long he was in there, but Sam was definitely gone and the sun shone in through his window. He grabbed his comfiest pajama bottoms and softest t-shirt to wear. He also put some socks on and the crocs he used around the house. He definitely didn’t want to nick a nail or a splinter while he walked around in his living room and kitchen. Everything he had been working on in the house had been left out and he didn’t want any accidents.

He walked straight to his fridge, looking for something to eat, when he heard noises coming from outside. Peeking out the kitchen window he saw Cas kneeling on the edge of his deck. “What the fuck is he doing here?”

If you had asked Dean at that moment what he was feeling, he didn’t think he would be able to even begin to explain. He felt relief, and irritation, and love and anger and everything at the same time. 

But most of all he felt something pulling him towards Cas.

Opening the back door, he walked slowly until he was standing right behind Cas. The man was working on something inside a long pot… were those seeds? “Cas?”

Startled, Cas stopped what he was doing but didn’t turn or looked up at Dean. “Hello, Dean,” he said instead.

“What are you dining here, man?” 

“I’m preparing a pot.”

“Right…but, why?” Dean asked after a moment of silence.

“I was thinking of planting some yellow camellias.” Cas replied, still looking down at the pot. 

“Yellow Camellias.” Dean repeated.

“They signify longing.” Sitting back on his heels, Cas finally looked up at Dean. He had large dark bags under his red rimmed eyes. “Maybe then you’ll understand what I feel for you.”

Dean stood there, frozen. 

“You’ll have to water them everyday. Think of me, hopefully?” Dean’s heart beat fast in his chest, making his hands sweat and his soulmark tingle. Cas had turned back and continued to work on the pot in front of him. Dean could see the muscles of his back through his thin shirt. 

Taking a deep shaky breath Dean made up his mind and placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“Follow me.”

Not waiting for Cas to stand he walked towards the stone bench and sat down with a loud sigh. Cas walked over and sat beside Dean. His hands were dirty with soil and his jeans had some grass stains as well. 

“I wasn’t fair to you.” Dean finally said. “I– I loved our time together, I really did. You just— you gotta understand, Cas. I am scared out of my fucking mind.”

“Why?” Cas asked, his voice quiet with sadness. 

“Because fixing up this house was supposed to be the first step in my new life. I was going to live here, by myself, for the rest of my life. I wasn’t expecting to meet someone. Anyone. Especially someone like you… who turned my whole world upside down. It was not part of my plan.” 

“I never meant to upset your plans.” Cas said, sincerity could be heard in the tone of his voice. “I just– I wanted to meet my soulmate so badly.” 

“And then you met me.” 

“Yes. And it was the most amazing feeling in the world, but–” Cas took Dean’s left forearm with his hand, soulmarks finally touching. “--that feeling? It doesn't compare to what I learned during our time together.” 

“What do you mean?”

“You are the most amazing person I have met in my entire life, Dean. You are so kind, you will give everything for your family, so strong you rebuilt this home and many others with your own two hands.” 

Dean blushed, he didn't know Cas thought that of him. 

“And I have only known you for a little over a month. It’s not nearly enough time.” Cas tightened his hold on Dean. “How can I make you understand that I want to learn new things about you every day. I want to learn all the shades of green in your eyes, I want to count the number of freckles in your whole body, I want to see you smile everyday and smirk when you tell stupid jokes. I want to discover what makes you cry or laugh. I want to know everything about you.”

Gripping Cas’ back, Dean could feel a new bout of tears falling down his cheeks, but this time they were happy tears. Could he really have this? Someone that wanted to stay with him forever? 

“Please say you’ll let me, I beg of you.” 

Dean didn’t hesitate a moment longer. He placed his right hand behind Cas’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. 

“Okay, Cas.” He spoke against Castiel’s lips. “Okay.”

Chapter Text

Dean practically skipped his way into the house. Floors shining with the varnish he had finished applying the week before, walls painted just so, the whole place decorated with tasteful plants and vases with colorful flowers. 

He had finished his remodel just the week before and had invited his family and friends to celebrate. Cas had helped him organize the whole thing and they had had a blast. 

“Honey, I’m home!” he called as soon as he walked in the kitchen. 

“I’m outside!” Dean heard Cas call back. 

He turned to look through the open kitchen window and found Cas sitting on their bench, enjoying what he could guess was a cup of tea. He looked peaceful, sitting there surrounded by plants he had nurtured for a year. Butterflies and bees flying lazily around him. 

Dean couldn't believe he almost gave this man up. 

With a calming breath he took the small black box from his pocket and made his way outside. It was time to make it official, Cas will be the man he would spend the rest of his life with. 

He’d lived pining for love, dreaming of meeting someone who chose him above all else. Their soulmarks might have guided them to each other but in the end it had been their own choice to stay together. 

Now he would ask Cas a question he had never asked before. 

And he hoped his answer was yes.

The end.