Archive of Our Own ^beta

And now, the end is near

And so I face the final curtain

My friend, I'll say it clear

I'll state my case, of which I'm certain

I've lived a life that's full

I've traveled each and every highway

But more, much more than this

I did it my way

M

Marc spat out the blood pooling in his mouth and struggled back into a boxer’s stance. He knows pain. He is not afraid of it, but he also knows he is reaching the end of his endurance. Not that these assholes can tell that from where they’re standing. The super-powered zealots of Set are hovering warily, none of them willing to go first despite (or maybe because of) his bloody visage. All of them sporting an injury or two from the last hours.

Marc huffs a laugh and straightens slightly, “That all ya got?” He spares a quick glance behind himself. The kids he is protecting are okay, huddled together against the dirty brick wall. Four boys, none older than ten. He’s not sure what the cultists want with them, it was mere chance he came upon the scene in the first place, but he is not willing to find out. He needs to end this quickly. End this and get them out of here. He never thought he’d miss Khonshu.

He goes another few rounds. He’s better than his opponents, better by far; but there are so many, and they have supernatural strength. His knuckles are bleeding, as well as his nose, and he impatiently swipes the sweat and hair from his eyes so as not to miss the next attack. They don’t strike where he expects.

“MISTER!” A child’s voice screams to him with shrill fear. Marc whirls, his eyes coming to rest on a new player, a woman, compact with an athlete’s build. She must have flanked him while he fought, and now holds the smallest boy by the upper arm as she drags him around the makeshift fight club. Marc notes she is armed, but the weapon is holstered as she deals with the boy.

Marc immediately turns in that direction, punching with renewed vigor, but he is swarmed by foes who seem so single-minded as to be almost in a trance. Damn it! There’s more of ‘em.

Marc can barely make out the woman through the mass of zealots as she nears a van with the child. The boy struggles, planting his feet and twisting wildly. When they reach the bumper the child bites the woman’s wrist, and she cries out with a curse, but she doesn’t release him. Instead, she draws back her free hand and slaps him with a crack that can be heard over the grunts and blows of Marc’s own battle.

Time slows and Marc’s vision tunnels until all he sees is that little boy. He sees red bloom across the child’s cheek, sees the fear on his face and the way his body goes still in shock. The woman shakes the boy for good measure before restraining his small hands and tossing him into the van to another grim adult. Then she turns back for the next child.

But Marc doesn’t see this last. He can’t see because he isn’t there.

He is the boy. The sharp sound of the slap registers before the hot swell of pain. His hand rises to cradle his cheek as he looks up into the cold eyes of his own mother. She is spewing words at him, venom no doubt, but they don’t register through the ringing in his ears and all he can do is stand dumbly, lowering his eyes to the kitchen linoleum. His mother scoffs and pulls him by the hair. He doesn’t fight her, but tears roll down his cheeks from the sting of her grip.

J

Jake is ready, would have taken the reins soon in any case. He shoves forward, flexing his fists to ground himself as the pain and exhaustion of the body overtake his senses. But the lapse in awareness, short as it was, has cost them. Enemies are all over him. He swings viciously to try and clear space but takes a hard punch to the eye. He feels many hands wrestling to control his arms. Jake fights for all he’s worth. This is life-and-death, the time for taunts is over. Apart from the meaty thwack of blows landing and occasional exclamations of pain, silence engulfs the alleyway arena. Jake feels a surge of fierce pride when it seems the horde is faltering.

Then there is a brutal kick to the back of his leg. He falls. Jake lands hard on one knee and immediately tries to rebound upward. It’s no use. Four men secure his arms as a cruel hand forces his head back. He struggles valiantly. Shit! Damn! Joder! Feckin’ HELL! But in the end he is forced to watch through swelling eyes, seething with rage, as the last of the boys is loaded into that van. Thank G-d Marc ain’t here for this.

Jake takes a stab in the dark, rasping out. “Khonshu, Embracer. Save the kids. You gotta have a new fist by now. Use them and help the boys.” No response, but a sudden breeze behind the van gives him some hope. He didn't expect more. They had not parted with the bird on the best terms.

As the dark vehicle drives away his curls are released, and Jake gives it one more go. He thrashes and kicks wildly backward from his knees, but all it gets him is his face planted painfully into the grimy pavement.

He freezes when he hears it – a sound he knows intimately well. A sound that has haunted his every nightmare since the desert. The cock of a pistol.

Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption

I planned each charted course

Each careful step along the byway

And more, much more than this

I did it my way

Jake’s purpose looked different according to the situation, but he always protected Marc and Steven. More often than not Marc had to be protected from himself - from the physical repercussions of his pain and self-loathing. When Marc longed for a permanent solution or subconsciously tried to shorten his life through drinking and bad choices Jake was there to stop him. Steven suffered in other ways, his clever mind quick to fill in gaps, but unable to cure his devastating loneliness. Jake tried to ease it with a date. Sometimes he was needed simply because the other two were bickering and making themselves vulnerable. It didn’t really matter why. He was always there.

When they were young, Marc took it all. Poor kid thought he deserved abuse, and he would never hurt their mother. Jake was a child himself then - hiding, confused, only called forward if Marc really thought she would kill them. Thank God he has more control now. Now he watches near constantly. Vigilant. He can’t afford another Cairo, can’t let sus estúpidos muchachos get in that deep again, can’t let them die again. He loves them too damn much.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew

When I bit off more than I could chew

But through it all, when there was doubt

I ate it up and spit it out

I faced it all and I stood tall

And did it my way

Jake had a lot of good times, more than Marc or Steven would ever have imagined for him. He loved. He had Gena and her boys, Crawley, and New York City. As a cabbie he met a lot of people, was tuned to the rhythm of the city and especially the nooks and crannies of Brooklyn. He knew the street walkers, the homeless, the policemen, the business owners, the elderly. And they knew him. Jake gave the body community. He fed that part of their soul.

He had freedom. G-d, the way it felt to drive Marc’s expensive car with the windows down, fast and free and unhidden. Jake never shied away from the world when he was on the outside, not unless it was for a mission. He embraced it all- the people, the smells, the sounds. It was part of why he loved to drive. He spent so much time unknown, silent, deadly and watchful and tough. But on the road, he could live. Make his own g-ddamned choices. Go where he wanted, as fast as he wanted. He would shift gears with so much adrenaline and joy coursing through him that no one, not even himself, could doubt that Jake Lockley took up space. Jake Lockley was fuckin’ real. 

After he was revealed to the others Steven was sometimes with him as he drove. The Brit seemed to love watching him. Yeah mate, smashed that curve! And once Jake settled into the seat, his gloved hand relaxed on the wheel, the two of them talked. Surprisingly, it was a space where Steven and Jake found each other, experiencing the road together, learning what it was to be known.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried

I've had my fill my share of losing

And now, as tears subside

I find it all so amusing

To think I did all that

And may I say - not in a shy way

Oh no, oh no, not me

I did it my way

Jake loves Marc with all his heart. He always has. He supposes he was meant to love him, that guilt-ridden, violent, protective, beautiful soul that is Marc Spector.

Oh, Marc always knew he was there. It was a weird, cruel open secret in their mind. But Marc wouldn’t face him, feeling all his goodness had been poured into Steven, and afraid of what he would find in this last fractured part of himself. Jake never pushed it. He had witnessed Marc be backed into a corner far too often. Jake would never do that to him.

The awareness Steven gained in the Duat made it impossible to avoid reality any longer. Steven was an open book and he insisted on an open mind. So, finally, Marc looked inward, staring into the headspace with the ironic aid of a bathroom mirror, and saw reflected there the missing piece of himself.

Jake accepted his scrutiny, ready for the inevitable blame and condescension and loathing that he knew would not really be directed at him but at the tortured soul of the propagator himself. It did not come. Marc’s tense brows didn’t ease, but his fingers deliberately released their grip on the porcelain of the sink. And Marc straightened, brown eyes meeting brown eyes at last and finding within them a spirit common to them all. At last the corner of Marc’s mouth rose slightly in wry acknowledgement, “Got a name?”

For what is a man, what has he got

If not himself, then he has naught

To say the things he truly feels

And not the words of one who kneels

The record shows I took the blows

And did it my way

Yeah, Jake always knew he would be the one to take the final bullet. He knew because if it got bad and he had any time at all, he’d make sure of it. That is who he is, and he is damn proud of it.

A lot can happen in the final seconds of one’s life. They say your existence flashes before your eyes. It does for Jake, simply because Marc and Steven are there. Jake feels so many things - defiant, stoic, angry…but not lonely. It feels to him like Marc hugs him, grip tightening across his back and not letting go. And then Steven wraps around them both, impossibly encompassing them, a shield of love in this last moment. They understand. They are here with him. Together.

Dios mio. I must be the luckiest fucker on earth.

And Jake laughs.

Yes, it was my way

BANG