Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There are three things Beomgyu likes more than anything in the whole world: changing her sweaty clothes after a particularly difficult dance practice, ordering milk tea with pearls and chocolate chips at the thai café (yes, it’s always the same order) and waking up on Sunday mornings in Taehyun’s bed. Specially the last one. She loves the last one.

Taehyun lives in a small apartment with his best friend Kai. The furniture is old, the doors are crooked and the water pressure sometimes drops without a warning, but Beomgyu finds it very cozy. Her boyfriend's room overlooks some public gardens where the trees reach their second-story window. In autumn, the sun breaks through the brown leaves and sneaks through the curtains, filling the room with earthy tones early in the morning. She usually wakes up before him; Taehyun could honestly sleep through a zombie apocalypse. During work days, he sets up at least five different alarms so he doesn’t oversleep. He started some months ago an internship in a pretty big company and Taehyun can’t afford to be late. Luckily, those alarms get turned off in the weekends, and that’s when Beomgyu stays the night just to wake up admiring her boyfriend’s beautiful sleepy face.

Her favorite days are Sundays. Taehyun’s roommate works the Sunday morning shifts at the local animal shelter and he always cooks breakfast before leaving. Most weekends Beomgyu wakes up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and sweet toasts. She sniffs the air and nuzzles her face into Taehyun’s neck, drifting on and off until he gains consciousness too.

However, that happened a while ago today because now Beomgyu is on her back, with Taehyun on top of her, no trace of sleep on his face as he moans in her ear. Morning sex is another reason why Beomgyu loves Sundays. Everything is warm: their chests flushed against each other, the comforter that has been discarded at the feet of the bed, the wall receiving the dim October light from outside…

Beomgyu feels so peaceful even with her boyfriend buried deep inside her, Taehyun’s erratic attempts to keep up the rhythm bringing her so close, almost there. He has been thrusting into her, determined to make her come. One of the straps in his harness is threatening to loosen up but Taehyun grips it with one hand while he caresses his girlfriend with the other.

“Taehyunie” Beomgyu whimpers bringing his head down to shortly connect their lips. She crosses her ankles behind his legs and breathes the hot air. “I’m so close” she tries to meet his hips, matching his movements and clenching hard when he reaches the spot. “Touch me, touch me please”

And he does. He always does what she asks for. Because it’s Beomgyu.

.

“Noona, do you sometimes think about our future?”

“What do you mean, Taehyunie?”

“I don’t know. Just like…our lives in ten or fifteen years. I can't think about what I'll be doing by then. There are so many unknowns, so many different paths my future could take. I think it scares me a little bit not being able to tell what it’ll be like”

“Taehyun. Your future is not something that will come and you’ll have to learn how to accept. Most times you will have choices. Sometimes you will make a good decision and sometimes not, but all of them will be on purpose. I love you on purpose. And I know regardless of what I achieve, that’s something I will have chosen for me. For us. You don’t have to wait until you are thirty or forty. We just have to live every day. It’s enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment”

“That’s…
thank you”

.

Beomgyu feels the moment she comes all over her stomach. Time stops for a couple of seconds in which she is in heaven. So loved. So wanted. Taehyun’s hand continues pumping her until she is squirming from overstimulation. He smiles and wipes his hand on the sheets. Sundays are laundry days anyway.

“Come here” he says getting rid of the harness and laying on his side on the bed. Taehyun’s skin is burning when Beomgyu arranges her locks of chestnut hair and hugs his torso. She is sticky all over, but Taehyun doesn’t care. The only sounds heard throughout the house are the distant traffic, the upstairs neighbor's shower, and their breaths slowing down.

A few minutes pass like this, the two of them giving each other soft and gentle caresses, kissing lazily with closed eyes. Taehyun cups her breast easily with one hand. Beomgyu has a small chest. She used to be dysphoric about it but it doesn’t bug her anymore. She has learned to be kind to herself.

It wasn’t an easy road; self love.

Beomgyu met Taehyun when she was still figuring herself out. He showed her a glimpse of beauty. In the way he wasn’t scared to love. He was kind, generous and made her feel important. On quiet days that seemed meaningless, she suddenly received a couple of messages “Noona, can I go to your dorm?” “I have some old clothes I’m sure you can try on”. When she sat alone at lunch hiding behind a worn ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ book, he would suddenly appear with a big smile and put half a tangerine on her palm “I learned how to peel them in one piece. I’ll show you!” Honestly, little by little the healing added up. Life used to be so hard, now she gets to choose Taehyun every day. For Beomgyu, that is enough.

Taehyun leaves a mark under her collarbone, only for him to see. He turns around and puts one leg over her, caging her thin thighs and humping her body unhurriedly. Taehyun hisses when Beomgyu moves and feels her where he is aching. He hasn’t come once yet, and all the edging is driving him crazy. “Fuck” he whispers with a small voice.

Beomgyu kisses his rosy cheeks and smiles. Taehyun is all sighs and gasps. She combs his hair out of his face and grabs his legs to guide his movement.

Their bodies fit perfectly, like a jigsaw puzzle. Uniquely shaped pieces meant to be together. They kiss, this time fiercely and wet, exploring each other as if it is their first time doing it. Taehyun’s stomach feels tingly when he intertwines his fingers with Beomgyu’s. They turn around on the bed and he curls his arms around her waist sensing the blood rushing through his veins.

“Beomgyu noona” he whimpers when she dives down to taste his neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses that tickle his sensitive skin. “I need you”

“Hhm, yeah?” she asks focused on her mission. Her hair is now long enough for a ponytail, yet she tucks the chin-length locks behind her ears. Beomgyu’s lips travel down, down, down until they are caressing Taehyun’s scars.

“Yeah. I want to feel you inside, please” he babbles breathless.

Suddenly, Beomgyu stops.

Something shifts inside of her, almost imperceptible. Instead of looking back at Taehyun her eyes get a bit unfocused.

“Baby? Is something wrong?” he searches for the answer in her expression, but Beomgyu is back and she just squeezes his side.

“I just…no. It’s okay. I’m okay” she declares sounding less convincing than she intends. Beomgyu offers a shy little smile and continues leaving butterfly kisses over her boyfriend’s skin.

“Hey, noona. Wait” he shudders gently cupping her cheeks. They are burning and Taehyun gets goosebumps. “We don’t need to do anything else”

“No, but I want to” she answers diligently.

“You don’t need to fuck me” he tries again. He might have an idea on what has made her pause.

“I know, but I want to. Taehyun, I want to make you feel good” Beomgyu nods.

“Well, you can use your hand”

They both get quiet for a moment. Taehyun wishes he could know what Beomgyu is thinking, take each one of her worries away, make a big ball with them and shoot it into the sky with all the force in his body. “Okay” she finally says.

Taehyun is madly in love with her. “I promise you there’s nothing that could matter more than you feeling okay with this” he murmurs over her lips, giving a reassuring smile and kissing her long lashes when she closes her eyes.

Beomgyu laughs and hides her face in his chest. “You’re so corny”

“But you love it”

“I love you”

So she resumes with tentative moves, her hands attached to his hips, digging soft thumbs into the muscles. Taehyun is so easy to please. Just a couple of light touches and he is moaning Beomgyu’s name again. His brows furrow in pleasure when she sneaks a hand between his thighs. He is so wet and it’s almost obscene when with just two fingers, the pressure of Beomgyu’s palm and a bit of work, he comes.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous” Beomgyu praises. He truly is. Taehyun has a beautiful soul; her heart is so full of him she can hardly call it her own. Beomgyu takes her time admiring him. After all, they are in no rush.

Taehyun just smiles with his cheeks and chest flushed. He breathes hard letting the pleasure flow in waves out of his body. Outside, the sun is shining timidly, casting funny shadows all over the room. After a while, they throw the comforter over themselves. Beomgyu is hungry but some more minutes of cuddles won’t hurt. Taehyun busies himself doing small braids with her longer locks, waiting for Beomgyu to start a conversation she probably isn’t very fond of. As time stretches, the silence is comfortable. Taehyun just needs to give her a couple more minutes.

“I’m sorry” she starts. They are both laying on their sides facing each other. Taehyun drops the lock he was braiding and takes her hand. “I know I should talk to you but it is hard to explain” she confesses.

“Noona. It’s okay, really. I can try to understand”

Beomgyu just sighs and gets closer to him. Her fingers draw abstract art in the back of Taehyun’s hand and tiny dust particles flutter through the space between them. “Lately, I’ve been feeling like- She stops to ponder how to verbalize her thoughts. “Like something feels off when I top. I think it has nothing to do with the sex itself. I love it when you are underneath me. Fuck, it’s so hot and you make me feel all this things… Now that I think about it I might like it even more than bottoming” she smiles to herself. “It’s just that… I don’t like the output. I wish I didn’t have to use that part of my body to make us both feel that way”

Taehyun takes the information in. He plays with the bracelet in Beomgyu’s wrist. “You wish you didn’t have to use it?”

“Exactly” she nods. “It’s not like I would want to get rid of it. I’ve come to terms with my body. You…- she intertwines their fingers again. “You make it so easy. To love myself, I mean. I feel like I know you so deeply that I can even see myself through your eyes”

“Noona” he whispers embracing her in a tight hug. Beomgyu smells like cinnamon and berries. Her smell lingers in Taehyun’s room every time she sleeps over. It’s in his clothes, in his sheets and it brings back memories when she leaves.

“You make me feel so comfortable, so it’s kind of easy to ignore that part. I know I’m not making any sense. I love to top but at the same time I wish I could do it differently” she continues talking with her face in the crook of her boyfriend’s neck. “I’m sorry, Taehyunie. It’s hard to explain”

“No, it’s okay. I think I kind of get it?” he reassures. Taehyun untangles himself from her arms, sits up and looks at her. “I might have thought of something you can try, though”

Beomgyu thumbs at a mole in Taehyun’s biceps.

“Maybe next time you feel that way, you can put on my harness” he says pointing at the strap-on lying on the carpet, which had been discarded a while ago.

Beomgyu thinks about it. “That’s…yeah. I think I would like that” she declares with a serious voice.

The other one just smiles. She looks so cute, with her eyebrows furrowed thinking of the possibility. “You don’t have to like it. We can just try and see how it feels. I can show you how to put it on and then you get to decide if it’s okay or not”

“I get to decide” she ponders. Beomgyu looks up at Taehyun, his golden skin bathing in the sun. His eyes are full of stars, excited for his girlfriend, just happy to see her smiling. If Taehyun could, he would take down all the stars from the sky and put them in Beomgyu’s hands. “Taehyunie, thank you”

That is just how they work: Beomgyu loves him through words and Taehyun loves her back through actions. Being seen and being held. Being soft-spoken and intimate. An embrace of warmth so tight that the affection and fondness spills all over their past, present and future.

.

“Aren’t you cold? Your jacket is so fluffy but I feel like you’re freezing”

“Nah, not really. Looks good on you, though. Keep it. You can give it back next time, noona”

“You really didn’t need to walk me to the dorm. Now you have to walk back the whole campus”

“It was worth it. I really like talking to you”

“Can I kiss you, Taehyun-ah?”

“Yeah. Please, do”

.

After a while they decide it’s time to get up. Staying in bed all morning would be great, but Taehyun and Kai asked their friends to come over and now they need to cook before Soobin and Yeonjun arrive at noon.

Taehyun grabs some clothes from the chair, throws them on, walks to the kitchen and puts two slices of bread in the toaster while Beomgyu jumps in the shower. He hears the gas boiler turn on and off (she is probably washing her hair) and grabs the already cold kettle that Kai left a couple of hours ago to make two coffees: Beomgyu's with two ice cubes and a lot of coffee and his own with just one and a lot of milk.

When Beomgyu enters the kitchen, she looks at Taehyun who has sat at the table and taken a couple of bites from his toast. He stops the video he is watching on his phone and tilts his head, raising an eyebrow. "Why so pretty?"

Beomgyu looks down clutching her floral dress and does a little twirl. "If your hyungs are coming over I don't want to be around the house in sweatpants" she declares with a blinding smile, her wet hair leaving small drops on her bare shoulders. The black dress she picked from her drawer in Taehyun’s closet has thin straps and reaches above the knee. Thousands of little yellow flowers are scattered across the fabric. “You should shower when you finish the toast. I'm going to start preparing lunch” Beomgyu says moving around the kitchen, picking up the rice bag with one hand and sipping her coffee with the other. "Thanks for breakfast, by the way" she adds with a kiss on Taehyun's head.

The day continues like that. Soobin and Yeonjun arrive fifteen minutes after Kai, who returns from the animal shelter with a story about a feral cat that tried to scratch his face. The gochujang fried rice Taehyun and Beomgyu cooked is delicious, and afterwards the five of them play board games and watch the last episode of the reality show they are all invested in.

Around six in the evening, Beomgyu decides it’s late enough. She still needs to finish an assignment for her storyboarding class and she told her roommates she would be back by dinnertime. Taehyun leaves his three friends arguing about which club should they go to on Halloween and waits for Beomgyu at the entrance. She gathers her stuff from Taehyun’s room and says goodbye to the others, who are lounging on the living room couch. “Are you coming?” she jokes tying her boots, when she sees Taehyun is wearing his sneakers. She knows her boyfriend has to wake up really early tomorrow, so their time together is almost over.

“Yeah, I want to walk you to the bus stop” he answers opening the door when she is done.

Outside, it is actually chilly. The sun has begun to set and the cold wind lifts the dry leaves from the street. Beomgyu puts on her fluffy jacket (it was actually Taehyun's at first, but the jacket hasn't been back to his closet since he lent it to her one cold night two years ago). In less than five minutes they arrive at the bus stop. There is no one waiting and Beomgyu’s app on her phone tells her the bus is about to come.

“Well, you were lucky. Barely any waiting” smiles Taehyun hugging her and hiding his face in the jacket. So fluffy.

“That means barely any kisses” she pouts looking down at the mop of dark brown hair that is her boyfriend right now.

Taehyun lifts his head and nuzzles their noses. “I don’t ever get enough kisses from you” he confesses. Beomgyu’s kisses are feathery. She captures Taehyun’s lips in a tender way, cupping his cheeks and tasting his mouth gently. It’s familiar and soft. Beomgyu pulls him even closer, her lungs clenching and her chest burning.

In the distance, the bus engine announces its imminent arrival. "See you on Wednesday after my dance practice?" she wonders leaving one last kiss on Taehyun's warm lips.

“I’ll be there”

Beomgyu watches from the window how Taehyun makes funny faces from the street as the bus drives away. She loves Sundays.

Sundays are the best choice Beomgyu has ever made. And somehow, she realizes, that must be the reason why it is worth living and sticking around: to keep loving on purpose.

Chapter Text

Beomgyu has been kind of busy during the last three weeks. Her assignments started to pile up and now she has to spend her fall days going back and forth between the library and her room. Being a senior in an animation degree is not easy. Her projects take whole days and even weeks, her brain is always whirring because she needs to come up with new storyboards and her hand hurts from drawing all day long.

Those are the reasons why she has not found the time to try Taehyun’s idea yet.

What if he forgot? Taehyun was kind of nonchalant and confident so maybe he hasn’t thought about it again. Beomgyu, on the other hand, has the image engraved into her mind. Don’t get her wrong, they have had sex in the last month multiple times. She might be full on study mode, but not even the hardest assignment can stop her from going on dates with Taehyun and seeing him as much as she can. However, Taehyun hasn’t taken the strap-on out from the box under his bed, and Beomgyu hasn’t asked either. She wants to try it, she really wants to use it on him and hear him moan those pretty little sounds. Beomgyu thinks she would love it, but she can’t bring herself to ask Taehyun when they’re already sprawled on top of his bed. There must be a reason why he has not brought it up, so she tries to forget about the whole thing.

Beomgyu goes to dance practice, hands in her last assignments on time, watches the leaves fall from the trees as the days turn colder, visits the endocrinologist, goes to parties and wakes up every Sunday in Taehyun’s bed. Just average Beomgyu life.

One rainy Thursday evening, she hops up the two floors of stairs to Taehyun’s apartment and waits after ringing the doorbell, putting her umbrella away and fluffing up her ruined hair. The heavy rain has taken her by surprise. When the door opens, a cheerful Kai with plaid pajamas and a towel in his hand hugs her and asks her to come in.

“Taehyun is still at the gym” he explains offering Beomgyu the towel so she can dry her hair a bit and takes the umbrella from her hands. “I’ll put this in the shower”

Kai tries not to wet the hallway with the drops from the umbrella and runs to the bathroom while Beomgyu takes her coat and shoes off at the entrance, and leaves them by the door.

A sweet smell guides Beomgyu to the kitchen so she tiptoes into the room to peek at the pot in the stove. A thick dark liquid bubbles inside, and Beomgyu leans closer to get a better sniff.

“I’m making hot chocolate” says Kai entering the kitchen. “This weather calls for it, right?”

Beomgyu looks at the raindrops tapping on the window and shows a genuine smile. “Right”

Kai picks up the wooden spoon sticking out of the pot and starts stirring the chocolate. "Do you want some, noona? I'm almost done" he comments.

Beomgyu hesitates. Maybe she doesn't have much time. As soon as Taehyun walks through the front door, the two of them are leaving to have some dinner downtown. She still wants to try the chocolate, though. It smells delicious and something warm in her belly would make her truly happy right now.

“Oh, if you’re thinking about Taehyun he still has like twenty minutes. One of the trainers said there were new kickboxing classes and he wanted to try them” assures Kai talking with the spoon in his hand and waving it around. “I would rather eat my sweaty socks than join those”

Beomgyu laughs at Kai’s antics. “Aren’t you two like gymbros?”

“I mean, yeah. But I mostly run on the treadmill and he lifts this huge weights” he explains turning the stove off and taking two mugs from the cupboard.

Beomgyu doesn’t need to say a word for Kai to know she really wants some chocolate. The first mug is white with a blue penguin inside a pink heart and the second mug is black with worn out glitter stars and a broken handle. Kai serves the steaming drink and takes the first mug with him to the living room. Beomgyu follows behind with the second one.

“So are you doing anything tonight?” she asks getting a seat in the couch next to him. The overhead light is turned off, and the couple of lamps in the living room create a yellow atmosphere that helps forget about the storm going on outside. Beomgyu lifts her feet to place them on the couch and takes a little sip from the burning mug. She always feels so cozy at Taehyun’s home.

“I’m having dinner here and afterwards I’m going to Miyo’s” Kai drinks a bit of chocolate and pulls a pained face. “Fuck! It burns!”

Miyo is Kai’s partner. The two of them met at the animal shelter some months ago and started dating almost immediately. Beomgyu doesn’t find it strange: Kai has this bubbly personality that makes it so easy for anyone to like him, and she has only met Miyo a handful of times, but they are lovely too. Miyo is small and feisty. They have short platinum curly hair and big eyes that convey all the joy in their body. They sometimes talk too fast and move a lot, like a hurricane that no one can control; but Beomgyu finds it endearing. She really likes Miyo.

“Don’t you both work Friday mornings?”

Kai blows on his chocolate to cool it down. “We do, but we actually need to talk about some stuff so I’m taking my things over there. Easier to just go together tomorrow from their house” he shrugs.

“Oh” Beomgyu bites her lip. “Are you guys…okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Don’t worry, noona. It’s just to solve some misunderstandings. I mean, you know about that stuff better than I do. You’ve been together with Taehyun for two years”

Beomgyu thinks about Kai’s words. Does she actually know better?

She is all about talking and communication. Beomgyu enjoys telling Taehyun how much she loves him; it is easy to remind him every day. She has a ton of compliments for him, a never-ending thread of supportive, reassuring praises. However, if she really thinks about it… is Beomgyu always that talkative? Maybe, when it comes to solving others’ problems, she is. Maybe, when the topic is not centered on her, she is. But maybe, when she has to actually communicate her feelings on an issue that is inherently hers, it’s not so easy.

“Yeah, I’m not as wise as you might think” she smiles sadly, coming to the realization that she has been trying to drown her own feelings rather than talking about them with Taehyun. Beomgyu scratches at the glitter stars on her mug. One of them comes off and she observes the empty space where it used to be.

.

“You have to choose a mug from our collection. This one is mine and this one is Kai’s, but the rest of them are free”

“Hmmm, the dark one at the back looks nice”

“This one? Oh, I think it is broken. We might have forgotten about it. You can choose another mug, though”

“No. I like the broken one. It’s pretty”

.

The rattling of keys on the other side of the door makes Beomgyu jump. The chocolate in her hands is already cold and Beomgyu hasn't noticed how much time has passed. She finishes the half mug she has left in one gulp and leaves it on the living room table.

“Hi!” beams Taehyun closing the door and walking with squishing sneakers into the leaving room.

“The floor!” both Beomgyu and Kai scream. The shoe prints from his steps are perfectly visible throughout the entrance. “Oh my god, you are a menace” laughs Beomgyu getting up from the couch and approaching him with short steps, leaving a quick peck on his lips. Taehyun smells like fresh shampoo and petrichor. He fills every corner of Beomgyu’s heart.

“Shit, uuh” he mumbles looking around. Taehyun takes his shoes off in the living room and walks back avoiding the wet spots. “Let me clean this, get changed and then we can get going” he laughs running to the kitchen to grab the mop. Beomgyu stands there in the middle of the room. She can feel the cold from the floor seeping through her socks and tickling her feet.

“Noona” Kai takes one empty mug in each hand and looks at her. “Talk to him. You might feel better” and he follows Taehyun into the kitchen.

After multiple comes and goes, a couple of outfit changes, six bus stops and a rushed walk under the (now) light drizzle, Beomgyu and Taehyun finally arrive at the restaurant.

It is a nice place. The decor is simple and old-fashioned but the whole restaurant looks homey and smells deliciously. They order some tofu hot pot and two lemonades. They talk about their week, Beomgyu rants about her teachers, Taehyun does impersonations of his coworkers and they both try not to laugh when the woman at the next table accidentally knocks over her bottle of soju.

When the food arrives, Beomgyu plays with the hem of her cardigan. She needs to talk to Taehyun. Really talk.

“Taehyunie” she starts, looking at her stew-full bowl. The ingredients float in the broth. They create abstract shapes that move slowly when she dips her spoon.

“Hhmm?” Taehyun already has his mouth full of tofu and noodles. He munches contentedly with his face flushed from the steam. Taehyun looks up from his own bowl and waits for Beomgyu’s words.

“I…I need to talk to you?”

Taehyun slurps the noodles and takes a sip from the lemonade with a worried look. “Is…it a bad thing?” he asks back. Beomgyu looks nervous. She keeps biting her lower lip and picking at loose threads on her cardigan. It cannot be a bad thing; she would have told him right away if it was a bad thing.

“No! No, of course not. It’s… well. Do you remember what we talked about the day you invited Yeonjun oppa and Soobin oppa over?” she searches for the answer in Taehyun’s eyes. He has to remember.

Taehyun looks relieved. “Yeah, that house conversation? Because I’m not going to move anywhere, you know? I love my apartment almost as much as you do”

Beomgyu shakes her head. A month has passed; she has to be more specific. “Not the moving thing. I’m talking about the… sex thing?” she tries. The lemonade feels refreshing when it goes down her throat. Has the place been this hot the entire time they have been here?

Taehyun’s eyes open big. “Oh! I remember, of course. And I stand by my words, if that’s why you’re asking” he smiles taking Beomgyu’s hand gently over the table.

She looks at his bitten nails and bony knuckles. The air is thick and musky. Beomgyu suddenly finds the mix of smells in the restaurant too much; it makes her stomach turn. “So you still want to do that? Cause if you didn’t bring it up because you’re not comfortable then I don’t want to do it either. I care so much about you, Taehyun. I’ve been dying to try it but I won’t do it if you’re not sure- she rants looking around the table.

“Noona” Taehyun tugs at her arm to make her stop. “I just didn't say anything because I thought you were the one who didn't want to use my harness” he exclaims probably too loudly for a quiet traditional restaurant. “If I had known, I would have asked you to fuck me decades ago” he laughs.

Oh.

Oh. Beomgyu turns crimson red.

Seventy per cent because the people at the next table have definitely heard Taehyun and thirty per cent for not realizing before how stupid she has been. If she had just told Taehyun that she was actually very interested in trying his idea all of this would have been basically unnecessary. “I’m so dumb” she groans hiding her face in her palms. Beomgyu can sense the bright lights of the place behind her closed eyes.

“Hey, not at all” the other one coos sympathetic. He slowly takes Beomgyu’s hands away from her face and puts one loose strand of hair behind her ear. “It was just a misunderstanding. I should probably have asked you again and you probably should have told me you were so eager” he smiles looking into her eyes.

Beomgyu intertwines their fingers and suddenly feels her eyes watering. How did she get so lucky? No one in the whole world is as sweet as Taehyun. He radiates joy; just some hours with him are enough to brighten her whole day. She loves him, dearly. More than she can express, a huge wave of emotions swelling in her chest, in every lifetime, every universe, every choice she gets.

She nods, blinks the tears away and makes a mental note to thank Kai. He might have better relationship advice than she thought.

With the weight lifted, Beomgyu tastes the broth. The stew is actually soft and has a lot of flavor so the pot does not last long. On the way back home, Beomgyu doesn't let go of Taehyun's hand. They listen to Yerin Baek songs with one earphone each and she dozes off on Taehyun’s shoulder. When they reach his stop and she gets off the bus with him instead of continuing towards her neighborhood, Taehyun doesn't ask. The rain has stopped completely and the puddles on the road reflect every streetlight. They walk slowly in the cold humid night, taking in the comfortable silence. Their steps echo though the empty gardens until they reach his building. Taehyun releases Beomgyu’s hand to grab the keys.

“Oh, isn’t Kai at home?” he asks once they are outside the apartment door and the key turns twice in the lock.

“He told me he was going to sleep with Miyo” confesses Beomgyu entering after him and closing the door behind her. “So I thought that if you want we-

“I want to”

Beomgyu smiles. Are their minds connected through some kind of invisible thread? Beomgyu grabs Taehyun’s arm and guides him to his own room. She takes her cardigan off, sits on the edge of the bed and waits for Taehyun to sit on top of her. The latter stands between her legs instead, tilting her head up with a finger on her chin and brushing her hair out of her face. “You were so worried; I can tell now” he speaks, his fingers dancing on her shoulders. “Don’t bottle it up next time, yeah? Even if it seems stupid. Tell me”

Beomgyu takes both of his hands and brings them down to make Taehyun straddle her. Her lips travel through his cheek first and land on the corner of his mouth. “I’ll tell you now” she smiles with her eyes focused on Taehyun’s expression. “I thought about it almost every day. I want to ruin you, Taehyunie. I want you to show me how”

Beomgyu’s words light a fire inside Taehyun’s body. He captures her lips with his own and pushes forward to fall on top of her on the neatly made bed. Their bodies dance together, a slow waltz that tangles their limbs, their lungs, each and every one of their eyelashes. Tied to one another forever.

They take off each other’s clothes between messy heated kisses. Taehyun feels his own fingertips touching frantically Beomgyu’s bare skin. With buzzing palms, he slides her skirt down her long legs. Beomgyu stares and when he’s done, she pulls him down wrapping her arms around his neck to explore his mouth.

They hump unhurriedly, both of them so turned on already, even with their underwear stopping them from feeling each other fully.

“Taehyun-ah” she moans with Taehyun’s hungry lips on her burning skin. Her heart is beating loudly inside her chest. “I want to learn. I wanna know how to make you feel good”

He sits up and rests his hands on Beomgyu’s ribs. She leans on her elbows and waits for his answer with her neck exposed and her hair cascading over her shoulders. Taehyun only smiles. “Baby, we’ve done this dozens of times. I thought you were already an expert with all the times I’ve fucked you”

Beomgyu only babbles some sounds. “Well, yeah. But…”

“Maybe if I do it first I can ease some of your nerves?” he asks crouching to sneak a hand under his bed. Without taking his eyes off her, Taehyun fishes a small familiar box and puts it on his lap. Beomgyu nods with anticipation in her eyes so he sits at the edge of the bed to put the harness on with skilled hands. In the meantime, she decides to get completely naked and observes with attentive eyes how each strap gets adjusted.

“I want to do that” Beomgyu says when Taehyun is ready and grabs the bottle of lube he keeps inside the box too. She snatches it from his hands and asks him to sit against the headboard. Putting a little show for him is always fun. She knows how to do that.

Taehyun listens and watches Beomgyu hover over him, kneeling with her thighs straddling his legs, working two lube-drenched fingers into herself.

She sighs and whimpers, closing her eyes knowing her boyfriend is watching her, drooling to get a taste. Taehyun pecks her stomach. He leaves wet kisses all over her breasts and wraps his arms around her waist to bring her closer. “Fuck, noona”

After a third finger and some work, Beomgyu hugs Taehyun’s shoulder blades and opens her eyes to look at the pair of greedy orbs that are ready to jump at her. She feels good like that. Wanted. As if Taehyun walked through a beautiful garden and out of all the flowers, he picked her. “I’m ready” she remarks with a cheeky smile. Taehyun just opens his mouth to whisper a soft okay.

Beomgyu takes that as a green light and slowly sinks down until she is fully sitting on Taehyun’s lap. Both of them groan when she starts moving.

It’s a heavenly feeling that she feels in her stomach, her veins, her brain… Beomgyu cups Taehyun’s cheeks and breathes into his lips. Her chest rises and falls, the pleasure bubbling up inside her body. She grabs his left hand and brings it between her legs, asking without words for him to touch her.

Beomgyu can’t stop moaning and devouring Taehyun’s lips. It is frantic and sloppy because she keeps riding him, now with erratic moves.

She would stretch it out, let the time pass and play with it, slow down to enjoy the moment. However, what she's been wishing for weeks is waiting for her as soon as she's done with this, so Beomgyu decides to not hold back. "Ah, Taehyunie” she whimpers when she feels his tight hand on her. “I want to come”

And it should feel weird. It should feel strange to suddenly be aware of the spaces between seconds. To know time is slipping through her fingers in those intervals. But Beomgyu is okay. She will be okay because she notices she always thinks of Taehyun in those intervals. She wants to breathe and feel Taehyun next to her, breathing the same air. Just his body existing in the same universe. She gets lost inside her own mind.

When Beomgyu returns to consciousness, she sees her cum dripping down Taehyun’ stomach. She has her sticky forehead glued to his shoulder and his fingertips draw small circles on her lower back. Beomgyu mouthes at Taehyun’s neck with delicate, caressing lips.

“Good?” he asks nuzzling her hair. Beomgyu just nods and makes her fingers dance on his bare forearms.

They stay like that for some minutes, propped against the headboard until Taehyun’s legs get numb and he starts to feel uncomfortable. “My turn?” wonders Beomgyu a bit more awake now after the post-orgasm haze, when Taehyun makes her move.

“Yep” he confirms getting out of bed and waddling to the bathroom to quickly wash the dildo, before returning with the whole harness in his hands. “Okay. I’ll show you how to put it on” he giggles excited. “See this strap here? You have to put your left foot through- yeah, exactly”

It takes a while to get Beomgyu ready, but with a little bit of patience, everything gets adjusted to her body. “Is it comfortable for you?” worries Taehyun. “Because I can loosen this a little bit” he says toying with the buckles on her hips.

“Baby, it’s perfect” she soothes, pushing him gently to make Taehyun sprawl on the bed. “Just lay down”

Taehyun drops his head and takes Beomgyu’s hand to intertwine their fingers. He watches with half-lidded eyes as she positions herself between his legs. She slides down on the bed and her breath fans over his inner thighs. Taehyun feels a shiver running up his spine. With tentative fingers, Beomgyu opens him up slowly, using her tongue too to ease the slide. Taehyun was already wet, but her mouth makes him clench his fists.

After some time, he decides he’s had enough. “Noona, please” he says between whimpers. She has left various bite marks all over his thighs. Taehyun just wants her to fill him up. He lets go of her hand and touches his girlfriend’s chin with two fingers. Beomgyu stops and squeezes his hip.

“I don’t want to hurt you” she confesses. The dildo is slightly bigger than she is, and Taehyun is not used to it. Beomgyu wants to keep opening him up until she makes sure he will be okay.

“You won’t” he replies taking her arms to make her approach him and press their chests together. “I promise”

“But what if I do?” Beomgyu worries. She needs this to be perfect. It has been perfect until this very moment, she can’t mess it up now.

“I’ll tell you if it doesn’t feel good” Taehyun reassures caressing her cheek. “But I know it’ll feel amazing. I also want to do this, remember?” Beomgyu nods and kisses the palm of his hand. “And you’ll also tell me if it’s not feeling good for you, right?” he checks.

“Of course”

Beomgyu shakes the nerves off herself and gathers the bit of courage she needs to give Taehyun a hand squeeze and part his legs with her body. She trusts Taehyun. With her soul. And he trusts Beomgyu. With his whole body. Beomgyu hides in the thought that by now, they are so used to each other she could probably place every mole in Taehyun’s skin with her eyes closed.

After pouring a little bit of lube, she lines herself up with his entrance and pushes slowly. The feeling is kind of funny for Beomgyu, but not unpleasant. She focuses on Taehyun’s expressions and asks with her gaze if everything is okay.

When she is completely buried inside him, Taehyun gives a reassuring smile and Beomgyu starts moving. She looks down. The bright pink dildo looks good on her. It hides strategically some parts she is not so fond of, disappears between Taehyun’s legs and makes her feel good when the fabric creates some friction every time she thrusts.

Taehyun mewls in her ear. She looks at him and leaves a kiss under his jawline. “You look so good like this, Taehyunie” she praises. It’s true. Beomgyu is addicted to Taehyun’s body. He asks for more and she starts thrusting faster, deeper.

“Ah, noona” he moans searching for her lips. The kiss impatiently. Beomgyu grabs his legs to fix her posture and puts their bodies flushed together. She is determined to make Taehyun come.

Their legs get tangled between the colorful sheets and it brings Beomgyu memories of all the times she has stayed here, in Taehyun’s bed, protected from the outside world. It’s a small place where the two of them fit perfectly.

.

“I think I love this house because I feel at home in here. I don’t know. I am a puzzle made of pieces from all the places I have been and all the people I have loved, but this house is the last piece that fits in the puzzle. It feels like that. Weird, right?”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. When I first moved in here I didn’t feel at home at all. These last months I’ve really grown in this little apartment. It’s full with stupid junk and a lot of happy memories now, so I guess it was inevitable”

“I don’t want you to leave this house. Ever”

“I fell in love with you in here. Even if I move into hundreds of different houses I won’t ever forget about this one, Beomgyu noona”

.

“I can’t- I can’t come like this” tries to speak Taehyun. “You need to-

Beomgyu is already on it. She uses her thumb to rub against Taehyun and he throws his head backwards lost in the pleasure. He is almost there. “Just like that” he whimpers digging his short nails in Beomgyu’s back.

She thrusts a couple more times until Taehyun is arching his back and curling his toes. He cries with his eyes closed, feeling fireworks exploding in every nerve ending.

Beomgyu pulls out and replaces the strap-on with her hand, gathering his cum and spreading it all over, exploring with tender fingers every corner.

They kiss like that, languidly and unrushed. Taehyun joins Beomgyu with soft touches that extend his orgasm and she busies herself with her mouth on his nipple. He doesn’t really feel much since he had the surgery, but Beomgyu’s tongue tickles his chest.

After a while, they clean themselves a little bit and get under the covers. The heating is no longer on and the house is starting to get cold. It is probably around nine at night. Beomgyu tries to not fall asleep. Tomorrow, Taehyun gets up early and she has to go to class, but she has not packed her stuff. She traces gently Taehyun’s arm muscles with her long fingers. “I have to leave in a while” she murmurs without looking at him.

“Stay” he purrs hugging her tightly.

“I can’t, Taehyun-ah. I need my laptop and my sketchbook” she explains. Beomgyu holds his face and leaves a kiss in the tip of his nose. “I’ll take the last bus. That’s in… fifty minutes” she adds taking her phone from the bedside table. She opens the frontal camera and snaps a shot of the two of them cozily under the colorful sheets. Taehyun has his eyes closed and he is hiding in Beomgyu’s neck. She has her cheeks flushed and a beaming smile that shows she’s had the best night.

Beomgyu locks her phone, gets rid of Taehyun’s snuggles and puts her feet on the floor. “Come” she says offering a warm hand as Taehyun sits up confused. “Let’s shower”

And Taehyun takes her hand, following her. He would follow Beomgyu anywhere.

People search their whole lives to find what Taehyun found in Beomgyu. For that, he will love her tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, and still many more, so many more tomorrows.

.

Dear Beomgyu,
The easiest thing I ever did was picking you.
I know this sounds silly, how out of a million beautiful things,
I was drawn to you,
but imagine the biggest garden you can, and imagine yourself in it.
Roots so deep even storms cannot lift you from the ground. Leaves that make the most beautiful song when the wind comes.
And I don’t mind that you’re not always blooming. You open up when you’re ready. When it’s safe. When the world can handle your beauty.
Anyway, I always knew I’d love you.
You’re so grounded that you laugh at gravity for thinking it’s holding you down. You look towards the sun because you know that’s how you grow.
And even though there are a million beautiful things around me, I walked to the nearest garden I could find
and out of all the flowers
I picked you.

(paper girl and the knives that made her - ari b. cofer)