Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Are you sure you have everything you need, Kayoko?"

"Yes, mom, for the fifth time I've got everything I'll need today in my bag. I've quadruple-checked. I'm not going to check a fifth time."

My 58-year-old mother sticks her tongue out at me in response. My mom is a little bit childish and sometimes it annoys me. But most of the time, it just makes me shake my head.

"You're going to feel silly now if you end up needing something you left behind. If you call me and ask me to get something for you, I'm really going to hold it over you forever."

I roll my eyes at her, "Well, I think I'm willing to take that risk. Can we please just get going?"

It's my first day of high school and me and my mom are about to head out the door. I'm a little nervous about this, but probably a lot less nervous than most of my classmates. My parents have worked at this school my entire life, so I've spent a lot of time there. It's a place that both of my parents love, and I've grown to like it quite a lot too. Although, this will be my first time on campus as a student.

Yamaku is a school for the disabled. I have a condition called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) that makes my joints so hypermobile that I regularly hurt them by dislocating them. This can happen when I'm doing normal, everyday things. It hurts like hell when it happens. I wear braces on all of my major joints to hold them in place a little better than my body can do on its own.

While I've dislocated my fingers, toes, wrists, knees and shoulder over the years, my ankles and elbows are the most common culprits. If I dislocate my elbow, I usually have to wear a sling for a while. If it is my ankle, I need a cane, or a wheelchair if it's bad enough. This can last from about two weeks to a month.

Physical therapy has allowed me to reduce the chances of hurting myself. I have found ways to move that put the smallest amount of stress on my joints. I haven't dislocated anything in a couple of months and I'm happy that on my first day of school I don't have to have any extra orthotics or mobility aids. I feel a little vain for being so happy about that, especially because I will have many classmates who don't ever have that option. But my classmates will inevitably see that I need those things too.

My father passed away about nine months ago. He had a heart condition that suddenly took his life. Actually, both of my parents are disabled. My mom is a below-the-knee amputee. This may all sound like a strange coincidence, but it is less crazy than it sounds because they aren't my biological parents and they met at the very same school for the disabled that I'll be going to. They adopted me when I was still a baby specifically because they wanted to help a disabled child through life. The older I get, the more impressed I am that they chose to do something like that. They have been amazing parents. I am close with my mom, and I was just as close with my dad.

Losing him has been tough. I really miss him. If he hadn't passed away, he would be one of my teachers and I was looking forward to that. That makes today a little bit harder.

We're in the car now, driving up the hill that Yamaku sits on top of. It's close enough to our house that most people would be able to walk, but walking up and down a hill for me is an unnecessary risk, so my mom drives me. It works out because she's going to work anyway.

My mom smiles at me while she drives. "Your first day at Yamaku really brings me back. I hope you like it as much as me and your dad did."

I smile at her. "I think I will. I'm excited. You and dad always talk so much about how you loved it when you were students."

"Are you sure you don't want to live in the dorms? I think you still have time to change your mind."

Before we lost dad, I was going to live in the dorms to get the full Yamaku experience. My parents encouraged this too even though we live so close to the school. However, after losing my dad, I didn't want to leave my mom all alone in the house. She has taken losing him even harder than me. For the first week after he passed away, it isn't an exaggeration to say she was completely hysterical. I had to go stay with my grandma because she couldn't take care of herself, much less me. It was heartbreaking. I wasn't sure she'd ever come out of it. But she did, and she's been doing quite well the last few months. Still, I can't imagine leaving her alone in the house is what I should do right now. I didn't tell her that's why I don't want to live in the dorms, though.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I think it will ease my transition a bit if I just stay at home. Maybe next trimester I'll do the dorms."

My mom looks at me suspiciously. I wonder if she knows the real reason I made this decision? If she does, she doesn't let on.

She nods. "Okay. Yeah, you should try to live in them at some point. I think you'll have a lot of fun if you do."

"Yeah, me too. I'll do it. I promise."

My mom parks the car. "Okay. Here we are, my little high school girl!" She pauses for a moment. "The fact you're in high school now is making me feel old."

58 IS pretty old. Although, she somehow looks like she's 40 at the very oldest. Her mom is in her 80s now and looks like she's 60. Too bad I'm not her biological daughter, otherwise I might have inherited that trait.

In most ways, it is clear my mother and I aren't biologically related. She is one of the smallest adults I've ever known. She is not only quite short, but very petite. I am quite tall for a woman and have a curvy figure, at least compared to hers. I am probably 25 centimeters taller than her, and I probably outweigh her by 20 kilograms. I may not be done growing either. She has light brown hair, mine is jet black. She has bright green eyes, mine are dark brown. When dad was around it was a little more believable that I could be their kid, as he had the same color eyes, darker hair, and was average-sized. If you just saw me and my mom together, I can't imagine anyone's first assumption would be that we are mother and daughter. But that's okay. She's my mom in every way that matters.

"Well…you are kind of old, mom."

She winces, "I guess I am getting up there, huh? Well, anyway. You know where to find your old mother if you need anything."

I nod, "Yeah, thanks mom. I'll see you this afternoon."

Before I can get out of the car, my mom reaches across the car and hugs me. I'm thankful she's doing this when we aren't out in the open because it would be embarrassing. She probably thought about that.

She has a couple of tears on her face. "Have a great first day sweetie. Your…dad would have loved to see this."

"Yeah, I wish he could have. Maybe he can? Who knows. Either way…I'm glad to be following in his footsteps. And yours."

My mother nods and then sniffles a couple of times before releasing me. Then we get out of the car and go our separate ways.

My mom is the head physical therapist, so she spends most of her time in the campus's new medical building which was just built a few years ago. I'll mostly be in the school building. I do have my physical therapy there later today, though.

As I set out for my classroom, I hear someone call my name.

"Hey, Kayoko!"

I look around, unsure where it's coming from. There are many students milling about so it's hard to tell. Eventually, the source of the voice comes closer to me. It's my friend Daisuke. He's two years older than me and in his last year at Yamaku. Our parents are best friends, so we've known each other our entire lives. He doesn't have a disability, but his parents met here just like mine did. They recently moved back to the area and they wanted him to go to their alma mater.

The moment I see him, I feel my face flush. We've been around him and his parents a lot the last several months, they've really helped us in the wake of dad's passing. So, I've spent a lot of time with Daisuke recently, and about a month ago I realized I have a serious crush on him. He's the first boy I've ever liked. He's always been really nice to me and he's really handsome. In fact, he's basically what you think of when you hear the phrase, "Tall, dark, and handsome." At least, he's who I think of any time I hear someone say that. Since I've noticed I have a crush on him, I've had a much harder time talking to him.

He comes up to me and we continue walking together towards the school building.

"H-hey, Daisuke. How are you?"

"I'm good. Excited for your first day?"

I nod. "H-have any tips?

He shrugs, "Not really. The first day is pretty chill though. Lots of introductions and not much else."

"Th-that's good."

He looks at me, "You're really nervous about this first day, huh? I've never heard you be this soft spoken."

Ugh, why am I so obvious about this? At least he doesn't know why.

"Y-yeah. I'm nervous."

He walks around me and faces me, so I stop walking too. He puts a hand on my shoulder and flashes me his amazing smile, and I feel my heart skip a beat.

"It'll be fine, okay? I promise."

"Y-yeah. Thanks, Daisuke."

We're at the school building now and we go to our separate classrooms. I'm relieved to get myself away from him. But also sad about it at the same time. Crushes are weird.

I feel quite comfortable once I'm in the classroom. I've always liked school, something I got from my father, I think. While my mom loved Yamaku, she was more of a jock who got the most enjoyment out of track club. My dad got me really interested in learning and I'm especially fond of the subject he taught – science. I sit in the front seat closest to the door. Partly because I'm a nerd and partly because the seat will be convenient whenever I inevitably need a wheelchair or crutches.

When I walk in, only a few of my other classmates have arrived. I'm in class 1-3. Class 1-1 is for visually impaired students, class 1-2 is for hearing impaired students, and class 1-3 and 1-4 are kind of a disability grab bag. The only thing we have in common is that we don't have an issue that requires us to learn a different way. For example, among my classmates who arrived early, there is a cute small red-haired girl in a wheelchair, a foreign-looking male student with a prosthetic leg, a handsome male student with one arm, and five others without any obvious outward disability. I guess right now, I fall into that last group. I have my joint braces on, but they are under my clothing.

I take a seat in front of the foreign-looking student, and he starts a conversation with me. I'm happy to talk to him because it helps ease some of my anxiety.

He nervously asks, "Hi, this is class 1-3, right? I'm trying to make sure I'm in the right place." I turn to my side in my chair so I can look at him. He is thin, fair-skinned and blonde. His Japanese is perfect, but I can detect a very slight accent.

I smile at him and nod, "Yep, you're in the right place."

He smiles back and looks relieved. "That's good. Thank you. I'm Carsten by the way."

"I'm Kayoko. Nice to meet you. Carsten isn't a name I've heard before."

He laughs, "Yes, I don't imagine it is. As I'm sure you noticed, I'm not Japanese. I'm German."

"Your Japanese is amazing."

He looks a little put out by my comment. I thought I was complimenting him, but I guess this is probably something he hears constantly. It probably reminds him that he looks and sounds different from the rest of us. He responds politely, though.

"Thanks. I've lived here since I was four, so it should be pretty good, right? My parents work at the German embassy in Tokyo."

"That's cool. I wish I knew another language."

He smiles. "Well, we do have to learn English over the next three years, so I think you'll get your wish."

"Yeah, but then you're going to know three languages and still be cooler than me."

He laughs and leans back in his chair a little bit, and intentionally makes himself sound arrogant. "Yep, that's true." His over-the-top play-arrogance makes me giggle, which he seems to enjoy.

In the time we've been talking more students have arrived, and before long our teacher enters the room. She looks like she is in her early 40s. She's a tall woman with shoulder-length brown hair and a curvy hourglass figure, one she doesn't seem to be trying to hide underneath her tight skirt and button-down shirt. And she shouldn't. I wouldn't hide it if I looked like her. I look around the room and most of the boys definitely seem to be checking her out as she writes her name on the board, including my new friend. I know most of the faculty here because of my parents. But I don't know this teacher other than her name. Awkwardly, she's who they hired to replace my dad. Not long after she finishes writing her name, the bell rings.

"Hi everyone, I'm Ms. Hamada. I'll be your teacher for homeroom and science. Just like all of you, this is my first year here, so we'll all be getting used to life here together." She smiles. "Alright, let's start with attendance. After that, we'll do some other exercises today to make us all feel more comfortable in this new environment."

She goes through the class roster and it is fairly uneventful. She stumbles over Carsten's last name, but I don't blame her. I'm not even sure what she said. When she gets to my name she hesitates for a moment before reading it. My name isn't particularly difficult to pronounce, so I think it must just be that she recognizes my family name. I guess she would probably know the name of the man she replaced.

We spend the rest of the morning classes doing exercises that are meant to get us used to talking and discussing things in class. They mostly involve just talking about what clubs we might join and what we want to do academically. It is nice to get to know people a little bit more, but it isn't the most thrilling way to spend class either.

When the bell rings for lunch Ms. Hamada gestures for me to come talk to her. Before I do, Carsten says "Hey, do you want to eat lunch together?"

I smile, "Sure. I think the teacher wants to talk to me though, so I'll meet you in the cafeteria." Carsten nods and leaves the classroom.

I'm not sure what she wants to say to me. I approach her desk. She has a surprisingly big smile on her face.

"Yes ma'am. You wanted to talk to me?"

"I did. You're Hisao Nakai's daughter, right?"

"Um…yeah. I am."

"He was my science teacher when I was in high school. Back in Tokyo, before he came here. He's the one who set me on this career path. So, I always really appreciated him."

I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say to this. She picks up on my silence and frowns.

"I'm sorry for your loss. Maybe I shouldn't have brought this up?"

I smile, but it's only half genuine, "No, it's okay. He was a good teacher. He got me interested in science too. It's nice that I'll be learning from someone he taught."

She raises her eyebrows, "You should think about joining science club then."

Now my smile becomes more genuine, "You do sound like him. He has been trying to recruit me to science club at Yamaku since the day I was born. I had a periodic table poster in my room while I still had a crib."

She laughs, "That sounds about right. Okay, sorry for holding you up. Go get your lunch. It was nice to meet you."

I head down to the cafeteria and look for Carsten. I find him and leave my stuff in the chair next to him before going to grab some mediocre-looking food. My mom and dad used to make me really good lunches every day, but that's sort of fallen by the wayside for obvious reasons. For now, I'll have to eat cafeteria food.

I sit back down next to Carsten, who smiles at me.

"What did the teacher want, did you get in trouble on the first day?"

How much should I tell him in response to this question? We just met. It might be a little much. But maybe I should just be honest. It seems easier to do that, honestly. I won't dump everything on him right away, but it does seem likely this conversation will lead me to telling him some pretty personal stuff.

I laugh, "Nope, not in trouble. Kind of the opposite, maybe? My dad was a science teacher here, and he taught her. So, she just wanted to tell me that."

"Oh, so your dad's retired now?"

"Um…no. He passed away recently. She was hired to replace him."

Carsten drops his chopsticks and looks ashamed. "Oh. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have pried so much."

I shrug, "It's fine. How could you have known? I mean, I probably wouldn't have dropped this on you the day I met you, but there wasn't really a way I could answer your question honestly without it ending up here. So, it's fine."

He picks his chopsticks up and looks like he feels a little better. "Still. That must be hard. You're even going to the school where he taught."

"You know, that hasn't really bothered me. He and my mom both really wanted me to come here. So, I just feel like I'm doing what he wanted. My parents were both students here too. So, knowing that I'm walking in his footsteps…feels kind of nice." When I finish talking, I notice I am absentmindedly clutching the gold pendant I always wear around my neck. My mom got it for me. It says "father" and has the years of his life on it.

He smiles, "Yeah, I guess that would be a nice feeling. So, your parents were both disabled?"

"Well, that's…a blunt question. But I guess it makes sense, given what I just told you."

He looks embarrassed. "Bluntness is kind of a German stereotype." He looks down at his food. "Sorry."

"I didn't say blunt was a bad thing. People aren't usually like that, but honestly, it's kind of refreshing. Why beat around the bush, you know? I don't know how many other people will take kindly to that kind of questioning though, so be careful." I wink at him. "But yeah, my dad had a heart condition, and my mom is a below-the-knee double amputee."

He lights up a little when hearing about my mom, "Ah, so you're used to seeing this kind of thing." He gestures towards his prosthetic.

"Yep, very used to it. When I was little, I was surprised when I found out not everyone's moms had legs they could take off. It just became a trait of all mothers in my mind." I giggle.

He laughs, "Well, I can assure you I'm not a mother."

"Really? What a surprise."

"Are you disabled?"

Another blunt question.

" I am disabled. I may not look like it in an obvious way today, but I will on other days. To put it in the briefest way possible: My joints suck and I get hurt all the time."

"That…does not sound fun."

"It really isn't. But you know, I bet you're pretty used to your leg. I'm pretty used to my stuff too."

He looks down at his food with a somber look on his face. "Um…I'm actually not that used to it. I've only had this for a little less than a year."

I am really dense.

"...oh. I'm really sorry. See, at least when you were blunt you didn't make any stupid assumptions. My thing is genetic, and I sometimes forget other people aren't born with theirs. I mean I should know, because of my mom…"

He smiles, "That's okay. We've learned a lot about each other in this conversation, haven't we?"

I laugh. "We have indeed." Suddenly something dawns on me. "Because your injury is recent, you probably have to do physical therapy here, huh?"

He nods, "Yeah I have the first meeting today, actually, after classes."

I smile, "That meeting will almost definitely be with my mom. She's the head physical therapist and usually makes sure she gets the students like you. I have therapy this afternoon too, so we can go together. I'll introduce you."

He smirks, "Your dad taught our teacher, and your mom is going to be my physical therapist, huh?"

I giggle, "Yep. We Nakais rule this school. Or something."

The bell rings and we put our trays back and we head back to class.

...

After classes are dismissed, Carsten and I leave together and head for the medical building.

"I'm glad you know where this place is. I don't really have a handle on this campus yet. I have to keep pulling out the map."

"Yeah, I have spent a lot of time here. I know where pretty much everything is."

"That's good. You might have to give me a tour or something sometime."

I nod, "Yeah, I could do that."

Before long we arrive at the physical therapy wing of the medical building. We both check in with the receptionist.

"What time is your appointment?"

"3:15."

"Oh nice, mine is 3:30, so I'll just go back with you when they call you."

He nods, "Sounds good."

Before long they call Carsten's last name. Even hearing it a second time, I don't think I have any idea what it is.

I go with him when he goes back. The receptionist looks at me for a moment.

"Oh, he's actually got an appointment with my mom. So, I thought I would just introduce them."

The receptionist nods. Everyone knows me here, so it shouldn't really be an issue. It's not like I'm going to stay for his therapy session or anything.

I walk into the room where my mother is waiting, and she gets a look on her face that is equal parts confused and concerned.

"…what are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

She looks even more confused when Carsten follows me in.

"No, nothing like that. I just happened to meet a classmate today who you had an appointment with, so I thought I'd introduce you. I have therapy too, so I was here anyway."

My mom looks less confused so I continue. "So, mom, this is Carsten um…."

"...Leipziger."

I blush, "Yeah. That." I turn to him and say, "Sorry, your name is hard for me." He nods, I'm sure he gets that a lot in Japan.

"And Carsten, this is Emi Nakai."

"It's nice to meet you ma'am. Your daughter speaks highly of you."

She smiles, "I'm glad to hear it. Spend too much time around her and I'm sure that will change." She winks at me.

I roll my eyes, "Okay, well. I'll leave you two to it."

"See you later dear."

...

Me and my mom get in the car for the ride home. Overall, I had a nice first day. I think I even made a friend. Eventually though, my mom says something that takes me out of my good mood.

"So... you do know that boy likes you, right, dear?"

"What?"

"That boy. Carsten…hardtopronouncename. He likes you."

"How can he like me? We just met today."

My mom looks at me through the corner of her eye, "That's true, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He lights up when he looks at you. He was also very polite with me, like he was trying to impress me. It was adorable. I'm pretty good at picking up on this kind of thing, you know."

"Are you? Didn't it take you forever to realize dad was in love with you? Or that you were in love with him?"

She scoffs, and mumbles "I feel like I'm talking to Chisato," before more clearly saying "..uh…yes...kind of. That was an unusual case though. Normally I'm very good at this kind of thing."

"Whatever, mom. I think you're imagining things. Can we just…not?"

"So, I take it that means you don't like him?"

I cross my arms. "Not like that. I. Just. Met. Him. To. Day. Going to take more than that for me to decide I like him. Why are we still talking about this?"

"But you two are friends?"

"I guess so. As much as two people can be friends after a single day. We ate lunch, talked about our disabilities a bit."

"You know…your father and I started out as friends who ate lunch together…."

Okay, she's really starting to make me angry now. Does she want me to get married to this boy she just met today? Why won't she drop this?

"I KNOW that, mom. How many times do I have to tell you that I don't want to talk about this?"

She sighs, "You're right. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to tell you that you should like him, or that I think you should be with him or anything. I'm just saying…That boy definitely likes you. So just…be prepared for what that means. I'll stop talking about it now. Promise."

I roll my eyes, "Whatever, mom."

Chapter Text

It's been a week since I started high school. Things have gone pretty well. I am enjoying classes. I've been splitting club time between science and band as I try to decide which one I want to join, and I eat most of my lunches with Carsten. He's a really nice guy and fun to talk to. We're eating right now in the grass out on the main quad.

"Oh…hey, Kayoko!"

I look up and see Daisuke walking towards us. Who I simultaneously dread seeing and love to see. Stupid crush.

I smile at him, "H-hey, Daisuke. Do you want to join us? This is my friend Carsten."

Daisuke nods and sits down with us and opens his lunch, "Nice to meet you, Carsten."

"Yeah, you too."

"You two have class together?"

"Y-yeah. Um…how were your classes so far today?"

What a dumb question. You can ask better questions than that, Nakai!

"They were fine. History and Japanese so far. Not my favorites."

Carsten laughs, "Those two are probably my favorites."

"Yeah? Well, that's cool. I like science the most. And maybe English?"

Daisuke turns to me, "What about you Kayoko?"

"I k-kind of like everything. I'm a nerd like that." I laugh but no one else does. I'm pretty sure I just turned bright red.

So awkward. Why am I like this with him around?

"B-but my favorite regular classes are science and Japanese, I guess? I w-would say music, but it's a club so that doesn't count."

Daisuke laughs, "I'm glad you like music at least. My mom is still disappointed that I gave up on it." He turns to Carsten, "My mom is the music teacher."

"Oh, yeah? I could see her being disappointed then."

We continue with small talk. Well, mostly Carsten and Daisuke do. Any time I try to talk I sound like a scared puppy so I kind of give up. Eventually the bell rings and we get up to head back to class.

As I'm walking with Daisuke and Carsten back to the school building I find myself looking up at Daisuke's face and appreciating how handsome he is. I especially love his eyes and his smile. Then I feel an impact on my chest and fall down in the grass. As I fall, I see that I ran into another girl who was distracted and looking at her phone.

Shit. Normally I avoid distractions when I'm walking for exactly this reason. Normally I don't even use my phone and walk at the same time. You need to be more careful Nakai! It doesn't matter how handsome Daisuke is. Watch where you're walking!

This would just be a normal thing to get up from for most people. The other girl is fine and apologizing profusely. But I'm not so lucky. I reflexively used my left arm to brace myself as I was falling. Now, my left elbow is experiencing a very familiar excruciating pain and I can't move my forearm. The pain is so great I can't help gritting my teeth and grunting and moaning. Why did this have to happen? And in front of Daisuke! Tears are forming in the corners of my eyes. I'm not sure whether they are more from pain or embarrassment. I close my eyes to hold the tears in, and so I don't have to see how Daisuke is looking at me.

Daisuke and Carsten are both quick to act and come to my side. Daisuke has seen me get hurt once before, so he knows what's going on to some extent.

Daisuke asks, "It's your elbow, right?"

I nod without opening my eyes.

"Do you think you can get on your feet on your own?"

I shake my head without opening my eyes. I hurt too much to try it, and my balance will be off by enough that I might just fall and hurt something else.

"Okay, Carsten? Help me get her on her feet. Careful of her elbow. We're going to need to take her to the nurse."

The two of them help me up. Daisuke wraps his arm around my left shoulder and Carsten lifts me from the waist on my right side. Once I'm up, Daisuke lets go and Carsten stays with his arm around my waist to help me stay standing. It hurts enough that I would probably be doubled over otherwise.

"I'm going to run and get a wheelchair. I'll be right back."

He's probably right that that's the best way to move me. They could probably try to carry me, but I think that would be excruciating with all the bouncing.

"H-hang in there, o-okay K-kayoko?"

Carsten sounds very worried. More than he needs to be. He's also shaking a little. I realize he doesn't know that much about my condition and might think this is a little more serious than it is. It hurts like hell, but it isn't going to kill me. I should probably tell him.

"I'll…be okay. Just…hurts…a lot. Not...dangerous." This seems to calm him somewhat.

Daisuke returns with the wheelchair. Carsten helps me into it. They both escort me to the nurse. "They already know we're coming. The nurse should be able to see you right away."

I give a half-hearted thumbs up with my good arm. I still haven't opened my eyes.

Once we're with the nurse, Daisuke asks, "Do you want us to stay or go?"

That's a good question. I could use the support because there is going to be an instant of blinding pain when she returns my elbow to its socket, but I also don't know if I want Daisuke to see me suffer more than he already has. On the other hand…

"...stay. Daisuke…can I…hold your…hand? This…going to…hurt." He nods and gives me his hand.

It is true that holding someone's hand and squeezing it helps me with the pain, but I'm definitely using the situation to my advantage. I think that's okay, my disability has to be good for something, right?

The nurse approaches me and says, "Okay sweetie, I'm sure you've been through this a lot, but I'm just going to remind you. I'm going to get your elbow back in its socket. It's really going to hurt. Are you ready?"

I nod and brace myself. I'm glad my eyes are already closed. I never watch when this happens. I think that would make it hurt even more. The nurse takes my wrist in one hand and my elbow in the other, and gently guides it back into the socket. I squeeze Daisuke's hand as tight as I possibly can. It feels so nice to hold his hand…even in this situation.

The instant she gets it back in the socket I try to cover my mouth to muffle a scream. I wasn't that successful. After that moment of blinding pain, though, I feel much better. I sigh and relax, noticing that every muscle in my body was tense from the pain.

My elbow still hurts of course. Dislocating it and putting it back does some damage to the area that will have more long-term problems, but the pain pales in comparison to everything I was feeling, so I barely feel it.

I open my eyes and let go of Daisuke's hand, "Thank you. Daisuke. I hope your hand's okay."

He laughs, "It's fine. I'm glad I could help."

My face is already probably pretty red from all the pain I was in, so luckily, he can't see that I'm blushing right now.

I sort of forgot Carsten was here too. Woops. He asks "A-are you okay now?"

I nod, "Relatively speaking. It still hurts but the worst is over. Thank you both for helping me." I turn to the nurse, "Now we're going to do some imaging, give me some anti-inflammatories, ice it, and then fit me for a sling, right?"

She laughs softly, "Yep. Your mother told me you were used to all of this. She wasn't kidding. Come with me and we'll get all that done for you." She turns to Carsten and Daisuke, "You two should probably get to class. She'll be okay, I promise."

...

X-rays didn't reveal anything too alarming. I'm already developing some early arthritis in this elbow because I mess it up so much, but that's to be expected unfortunately.

I make it back to class for the last hour or so with my new sling and take my seat in front of Carsten. He looks relieved to see me.

Once class is over, Carsten asks, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright. It hurts. I wish I didn't have to wear a sling, but it's much better than before. Thank you so much for your help."

He nods, "No problem. Uhm…this might be a weird question, but what is your condition called? I kind of want to read up on it a little so I know better what to do in the future."

"It's called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. There are a bunch of types. Mine is the 'Hypermobile' type." I laugh, "I always think 'Hypermobile' sounds like it should be a superpower or something, like those stretchy superheroes have, you know?" I laugh "No such luck."

He laughs. "Okay, good to know. Hey, what are you doing now?"

"I'm going to go to band practice today. I haven't decided what club I'm going to join yet, but that's where I'm leaning. I play the piano. I…can't really play it for a bit, but I still wanted to go see what's going on there."

"Oh, that's cool. I was going to check out newspaper club. See you tomorrow, then."

"Yep, see you later."

I head towards the performing arts center. It does suck that I did this today, I would have liked to play the piano, but oh well.

When I get there, everyone is still setting up. My Aunt Chisato is the music teacher, and when she sees me, she gets a look of concern on her face and walks over to me. She's a fairly tall woman. She's a little taller than me and she has dark brown eyes and shoulder-length brown hair. I'm fairly sure she dyes it, because somehow she has no gray despite being in her late 50s. While it is hard to believe my mom is my mom, I think it's believable that me and Chisato are related. Even though we aren't.

She isn't really my aunt. Not just because I'm adopted either. She isn't the sibling of either of my adoptive parents, I just call her and her husband my aunt and uncle because they are so close to our family. My parents are both only children, so they are the closest thing to being my aunt and uncle. Of course…that would make Daisuke my cousin, which is…weird.

My aunt sees me and frowns before coming up to me. "Hey sweetie. Hurt your elbow again?"

"Yeah, unfortunately. Your son was with me, he helped a lot."

She smiles, "He's a good kid. I guess that means no piano for you for a bit?"

I laugh, "I could try to play one-handed, I guess." I laugh wryly. "Not sure how well that would go. I just wanted to come see the club activities, follow along with the music. Still trying to decide what club to join."

She scoffs at me, "What is there to decide? You want to join band. Why would you even consider anything else?"

I laugh, "Band is where I'm leaning. But I'm considering science club too."

She smirks. "Science club is for nerds, Kayoko. Are you sure you want to be a nerd?"

I laugh, "Should a teacher really be calling students nerds? And…isn't your son in science club? Also…isn't being in band kind of a nerd stereotype too?"

"Psh. So many questions." She shakes her head, "I still can't believe your dad convinced Daisuke to join science club. He seduced him behind my back! Anyway, the band kids are the cool ones. I was in band when I was a student, aren't I cool?"

"...no comment."

She gets more serious for a moment, "Your dad would like that you're thinking about science club. But you know what? I think he'd be pretty happy if you were in band. I'm not just saying that to manipulate you. Promise."

I laugh, "Yeah, I know. He was excited when I started playing piano."

"Well, of course he was. The piano is the coolest thing on the planet. In any case, you've always liked music, even when you were a teeny tiny little thing. Science is a more recent interest of yours. I say go with band. I promise I'm not biased or anything." She winks at me.

"Yes, and why have I liked music for so long, Aunt Chisato?"

She pauses for a moment and says, "Because of Saki, obviously."

Saki was my dad's first wife and Chisato's best friend. They all met here at Yamaku. She had a genetic condition that took her life by the time she was 28. She was a musician and a composer. I don't think my dad ever stopped loving her. He talked about her a lot. We go to her grave every year. There's a part of our living room that is dedicated to her. There you can find all her music, pictures of her and my dad, and even her violin.

My mom and dad always wanted me to know as much about her as I could. So, Saki has played a role in leading me towards music. I also relate to her somewhat because of her condition. Mine isn't nearly as bad because it isn't fatal, but she had to deal with pain, she was born with it, and she had to use mobility aids like I do.

"Okay, but who had me listening to her music even when I was an infant?"

"Well, mostly me. But can you blame me? It's amazing."

It really is.

I sigh, "I'm just trying to say that you indoctrinated me with music. Just admit it. I'm fine with it, you should be too."

She laughs, "Fine, fine. I admit it. But you're also talented, I wouldn't be trying so hard to get you in band if you weren't."

I smile, "Thanks. But you should probably pay attention to some of your other students now."

"What are you, like 13? And you're telling me how to do my job?"

"16. And yes, yes, I am. I'll just be sitting over here and observing."

"Fine, fine."

She returns to where most of the other students are. Today they are trying to determine the ranking for each of the instruments. There's only one other student who plays the piano. But he's a third-year, and if I joined band this year I probably wouldn't get to play that much at the performances since there's usually only one piano.

She's right that my dad would like it if I joined band. But there are two things about science club that make it appealing to me. First, Daisuke is in it. In fact, he's the president. Second, getting hurt doesn't limit how much I can participate in science club, like it does in band. I'm certainly more passionate about music, though. It's a tough choice.

...

Once club activities are over, I meet up with my mom. She's the teacher for track club, and we both got done around the same time. She of course heard about me getting hurt.

"Hey sweetie. Stinks that you got hurt today. They took good care of you, right?"

My mom is often the one who fixes my dislocations. She's making sure they did a good job.

"Yep, elbow feels…well, about as good as it can, I guess."

She smirks at me. "So, still pretty crappy, then?"

I laugh, "Yeah, pretty much."

We get in the car and head towards home.

"So, I hear two boys got you to the nurse today, care to elaborate on that?"

This woman has spies everywhere.

"Ugh. Why are you like this now? You weren't like this before high school, now I feel like you are very interested in the time I spend with boys. It isn't like I haven't had male friends before."

I wonder if losing dad is somehow the cause? Maybe because she lost who she loves she wants me to find someone I can love? Maybe I should cut her a break?

"Yeah, I know, but you're reaching that age. The one where boys are going to start taking interest in you, and you'll take interest in them. I'm just being nosey."

"You really are."

"...was one of them Carsten?"

"Yes, okay. I was with Daisuke and Carsten when it happened. They were both very sweet and helped me get to the nurse and stayed with me until the worst was over. Is that what you want to hear?"

"I don't know if it's what I 'want' to hear. But I'm not surprised either. Do you…still not think Carsten likes you? It has been a week now, so your original excuse doesn't work anymore."

I think about everything that happened today and sigh "I don't know. Maybe he does. He was really worried about me. He said he wanted to read up on EDS so he could help better next time or something. But Daisuke helped me just as much. Do you think that means that he likes me too?"

I say the last part hoping for confirmation.

My mom gets a look of disbelief on her face. "No, I don't think he likes you. He's more like a big brother to you, isn't he?"

"Um…yeah…"

"See? So, him helping is much different than Carsten. Who definitely is not your big brother."

"Yeah, that's true. But he could just be a friend who helped."

"Yeah. Maybe." My mom doesn't look like she believes her own words.

A few days later, Carsten and I are at lunch again, this time on the roof. Students aren't really supposed to come up here, but I always have with my mom and dad, so I thought I would show him.  I shouldn't really be using the stairs very often. But it's nice occasionally. Carsten seems to like it too.

"It is pretty nice up here."

"Yep. It is a nice place when the weather is good."

He looks down and starts wringing his hands.

"Um…since we seem to have some privacy, I want to tell you something…"

Why would he need privacy?

"…okay."

"Kayoko, I've really liked spending time with you and getting to know you the past couple of weeks. I think you're an amazing person and…beautiful. I…like you. Do you…want to be my girlfriend?"

Ugh, why did my mom have to be right? What am I supposed to do here?

I realize I've been completely silent for several seconds and that Carsten is looking on with an increasingly anxious expression. I guess he realizes my hesitation isn't a good thing.

But…getting confessed to is kind of nice. And he even called me beautiful. The only male that's ever told me that before is my dad. He's kind of cute too. So, he definitely made me feel good. But…I just don't feel the same way. I should be honest.

I frown, "I'm really sorry, Carsten. I don't feel the same. I like you a lot, but as a friend. There's someone else I like. I'm…sure it hurts to hear that and I'm sorry."

This sucks. I'm doing the same thing to Carsten that I'm so afraid will happen to me if I ever tell Daisuke my feelings.

He sighs but looks surprisingly okay with the situation, "It's okay. I was pretty sure you would say no. I wish you hadn't, but I understand. You like Daisuke, don't you?"

I blush and look down, "Is it that obvious?"

"Well, to me it is. But I've also been trying to figure out whether you like somebody for a little while since I…well, wanted to date you. So, I noticed that you get…different around him. All nervous and stuff."

I smile at him, "Yeah, you have it right. Listen, thanks for being cool about this. I really appreciate that you aren't mad at me or anything. You could be."

"Yeah, I'm not mad at you. You feel how you feel. I'm disappointed in the situation for sure, but why would I get mad? You didn't do anything wrong. Anyway, are you going to confess to Daisuke?"

I blush, "I…don't know. I've known him for a long time. My whole life, actually. His parents are best friends with my parents. He's…kind of like a big brother to me. So, it's awkward. He's the first guy I've ever liked, he's older than me, I've never confessed to anyone, and I don't want to make things weird after we've been friends for so long. He's also going to graduate kind of soon. All those things really make me hesitate. So…I don't know. I don't think I'm going to."

"Yeah, that does sound kind of complicated. But I think you should do it."

"Why? What if he rejects me?"

He laughs, "Well, as someone who just got rejected…"

Oops.

"I can say that I'm still glad I did it. I would have regretted it if I didn't try, you know? Don't you think if he graduates, and you never told him about your feelings you're going to regret it?"

"Hmm…probably I guess."

"So you're going to do it?"

"I dunno…maybe. I'm still really scared. You do have me considering it more seriously now, though."

The bell rings and we get up and start to get ready to head back down.

"Hey, Carsten?"

"Yeah?"

I give him a hug. At least the best one I can muster while wearing a sling. He hugs me back.

"I'm…really sorry I didn't return your feelings. You're a great guy. You were really mature about me saying no and then even helped me talk through my own romance stuff. So…thanks a lot. You're a great friend. I hope we can still be friends."

"O-of course we can."

I break the hug, smile at him and say, "Good."

We head back down to class together.

I'm at home, doing some homework in my room and listening to Saki's music. My mom is making us dinner.

I hear a knock on the door and my mother says. "Dinner's ready!"

I come out of my room and find a nice sweet and sour stir fry waiting for me. My mom is a really good cook, especially when it comes to Asian dishes, and especially stir-fry. We sit down to eat, and my mother starts shoveling food into her mouth like she's been starving for months. This is normal for her. She might be tiny, but she packs away a ton of food, and quickly.

Once she finishes eating, which doesn't take long, she asks "So, how was your day?"

Should I tell her about Carsten? She could probably use the win, I guess.

"It was good. Um…you were…right about Carsten."

She smiles and laces her fingers, resting her chin on them. "Was I now? Does that mean you have a boyfriend?"

"No. I turned him down. Which sucked."

She frowns, "Yeah. That's not fun. Just don't feel the same?"

"Nope. I don't know if I even want to start dating yet. Seems like a headache after today."

"He didn't take it well?"

"No, he did. He was very nice about it, actually. So that was good. We will still be friends. But I know I hurt his feelings. And that really sucks."

"Yeah. Love can be pretty crappy when it's unrequited. It sounds like he had a better reaction than pretty much every guy I've turned down. So be thankful for that."

I laugh, "Turn down a lot of guys, did you?"

"Um…kind of, yeah." She pauses for a moment. "I guess you're old enough now to hear this, especially now that you've turned down a confession of your own. Before I met your dad I…never really had any real relationships. I didn't want to get close to anyone, so I dumped a lot of guys a few weeks into dating and rejected a lot of confessions. "

"You didn't want to get close?"

"Nope. I was afraid of losing people because I lost my dad. So, I didn't want to get to the point where it might hurt me if I lost them. You know how much losing my dad still affects me now." I nod. "Well, it used to be much worse. It completely ruled my life. Your father helped me overcome that."

I suddenly feel tears welling up inside of me. "...and now you lost dad, too. I'm so sorry, mom. "

She looks down and starts to tear up, so I get up and give her a one-armed hug.

She's crying softly now.

"You know, I have handled losing him much better than I ever imagined I would. Don't get me wrong, I miss him terribly. But…when it happened, I was worried that first week was going to be the new me. I was…very scared. I was worried I was going to fail you as a mother. But I think your dad helped me learn you can lose someone and keep going. He lost Saki, you know? Then he lived another 30 years. So…in a way, he helped me cope with losing him." She laughs with a few tears running down her cheeks, "So, he's still helping me."

"Mom...if you ever want to talk about that stuff, you can with me, you know?"

"I know, sweetie. You're so grown up. But there are some limits to what a mother should tell their daughter, I think."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…I suppose I don't ever want you to feel like you need to take care of me. I think…if I told you everything all the time…that's how you'd feel. I don't want to burden you with that. So, I'm just…not going to tell you all the time about this kind of thing. But don't worry, I am talking to people about it. Therapy has helped a lot." She laughs, "That's another way your father helped me. I thought therapy was the worst thing ever for a long time. Talking about my problems with anyone was unthinkable. Much less a stranger. But…it's an important part of what lets me…keep things together, now."

"Mom, I don't mind if you need me to take care of you sometimes. You've taken care of me my whole life. I know how hard losing dad was on you. What you just told me…makes me realize that even more. I guess I just mean…I can support you. Help you. I want to. You just have to let me."

"You're even more grown up than I thought." She sighs. "I'll think about it. How did we end up on this topic, anyway?"

I laugh, "You were talking about all the hearts you broke before you met dad."

She giggles, "Ah…yes…"

"How many guys are we talking about, anyway?"

She laughs, "...that's a good question. Um…a lot."

"So many you don't even know the number?"

"Look at it this way. You're 16, you just turned down your first guy. I was 34 when your father and I met for the second time. You like math, right? I'm sure you can extrapolate that or whatever."

I have to know something. It might be awkward, but…

"Mom…did you…sleep…with all these guys?"

She looks very surprised. "Are you sure you really want to know this?"

"I…kind of feel like I have to know now that we've gone this far."

"Okay well…I guess you're old enough if you're asking. Not all of them. But…a good number of them."

"Wow."

She laughs, "Did you think your mother was a wholesome virgin until she married your father?"

"Um…maybe not a wholesome virgin. But I don't think I would have thought you had been with a lot of guys, either."

"I was…a different person, then. So, I can understand your surprise. Listen Kayoko, I know it's awkward for me to say this, but I think I have to. Soon you'll be in the part of your life when you start wanting to have sex-"

"Mom, do you really have to?"

"I just said I have to. You're on the verge of dating and I just… I want you to know that sex is much better if you love the person, okay? I…never believed that. It sounded like a fairy tale people told their kids to keep them from having sex. But it's true. So just…whenever that time comes…keep that in mind. Don't follow my example."

She basically just told me that sex with my dad was really good. That's…awkward. But I guess I get what she's saying.

"Don't worry, mom. I don't think I'd ever have sex with someone I didn't love. I guess…you and dad are my example of what a couple should be, and you loved each other so much. So…I guess I am following your example…" I laugh." Just not your young one."

She nods, "Good. Okay. Awkward sex talk over."

"Thank God."

I'm at science club today. My arm is still in a sling, and I can't play the piano, so I decided it made sense to feel things out here, since I still haven't fully decided if I want to go with science or music. Plus, I get to spend some time with Daisuke. I'm sitting next to him right now. I'm trying my best not to stare.

I've come to like Ms. Hamada a lot. The way she teaches does really remind me of my dad. If I can't be taught by him, being taught by someone he inspired to be a science teacher is probably the next best thing.

Today we're discussing an article on genome engineering. A topic I found myself especially interested in…for obvious reasons.

Ms. Hamada seems to be wrapping things up. "So that's an overview of genetic engineering. We've covered a lot and I think we had a good discussion. Are there any questions?"

The article mostly talked about the applications of gene editing for agricultural purposes and how it could really improve our ability to make sure everyone in the world has enough food. I have a question I am dying to ask about how it could be used on people, so I raise my hand.

"Yes, Nakai?"

"Is it possible we could eliminate genetic disorders with gene editing?"

Daisuke turns and smiles at me, and I feel my face instantly flush. I try to focus on the teacher even though I feel him looking at me.

Ms. Hamada smiles too. I don't know how much she knows about my condition. The teachers generally know what to expect as a result of our conditions so that they can be prepared to respond. Like, if I dislocated something in class she probably knows what to do. But they aren't usually told exactly what we have going on. I guess she can probably guess based on my question, though.

"That's a really good question. It is possible that we could achieve that someday. However, editing human DNA has been significantly more challenging than with plants. For one thing, there are some serious risks associated with it. If someone messes up with plant DNA the plant might die…the same is true for people. Maybe in 20 or 30 years we could achieve something like that. Although…people have been saying that since I was a student." She laughs. "And that was quite some time ago. Science doesn't always progress the way we hope."

She checks the time.

"It looks like we're out of time. This was a great meeting everyone."

I have more I want to ask her, but it will have to wait. Especially because three of the boys who came today are already lined up to talk to her. They didn't engage that much in the discussion. Maybe it's unfair of me, but I have a feeling they only want to talk to her because she's so pretty.

Luckily, Daisuke isn't one of those guys. In fact, I've never even seen him check her out like I have every other guy in my class and science club. I think he's too much of a gentleman.

"Hey Kayoko, what are you doing now?"

Is he going to ask me to hang out with him? I hope so.

"N-nothing. Why?"

"Well, a friend of mine is making dinner and I was going to go over there and hang out."

A friend? Probably some girl.

"Oh, that's cool."

"Do you want to come?"

"Um…are you sure? It d-doesn't sound like I was invited."

"Oh, don't worry about that, he's a really great guy and I want him to meet you. I will text him ahead of time too."

So, it's not a girl and he wants me to meet his friend. I'm definitely on board now.

"Okay, that could be fun. Let me call my mom about it."

He nods, and I step away to call her.

"Hey sweetie, what's up?"

"Um…Daisuke invited me to one of his friends' dorm rooms and we were going to have dinner, so I was gonna do that."

"Oh, that's nice of him. Have fun. Give me a call when you need a ride and I will come get you, okay?"

Oh. Yeah, I kind of forgot about that. Plus, now I'm thinking of my mom eating alone and it makes me feel guilty.

"Mom, that kind of sucks for you. Maybe I'll just go home with you now. I don't have to do this."

"Kayoko, it's fine, okay? I'm happy to come get you. Have fun. Love you."

She hangs up before I can argue any more.

I turn around, and Daisuke notices I'm not on the phone anymore.

"Did she give the thumbs up?"

I smile, "She did."

He smiles back at me. "Great! Let's get going then."

...

I'm in the boys' dorms with Daisuke. That's a sentence I may have fantasized about a bit before.

I'm headed to have dinner with him and his friend. It isn't exactly a date. In fact, it isn't even close. But it's the closest I've ever been.

Once we reach his room, Daisuke knocks on the door, and it opens pretty quickly. The guy who answers is a little taller than me. He has blue eyes and slightly curly brown hair. He's really cute. I guess cute boys tend to hang out with other good-looking boys.

"It's me and my friend, Kaito."

At first, I'm confused by this exchange, but then I notice that Kaito is blind, or at least somewhat visually impaired. His eyes aren't focused on us at all. It's like he's looking right through us.

He smiles and says, "Come on in. I just finished cooking, so you have good timing."

When we enter his room, I see that it has very little apart from his bed and his desk. I guess having the space open makes sense for him. He has set up a card table where we will apparently be eating. It smells good, but I have no idea what any of the food is. There are little brown…balls? And some kind of flatbread. And a light brown spread that doesn't exactly look…appetizing. Are the balls made of meat? I have no idea. It looks different than anything I have ever had.

Kaito takes a seat, and we join him. "It's nice to meet you. It's Kayoko, right? I'm Kaito."

"It's nice meeting you too. Th-thanks for letting me come on short notice."

He smiles, "It's no problem. Daisuke talks about you quite a lot. So, it is nice to put a face to a name," he laughs, "I guess in my case it is more of a voice, but you know what I mean."

He talks about me a lot?!

"So, shall we eat?"

I have no idea how I am supposed to eat this.

Luckily, Daisuke is similarly confused. "Erm…Kaito? How do we eat this exactly?"

He laughs, "That's right. You've never had falafel. Have you had it Kayoko?"

"Erm…no. I've never even heard of it, and I don't think I could even pronounce it, I'm embarrassed to admit."

He laughs, "That's okay. My father is Israeli, so that's probably the only reason I know it. It is basically fried balls made of chickpeas."

"Anyway, what you want to do is take the little balls and stuff them in this bread - it's called a pita. It has a pocket. Then you can add this" he touches the bowl with the light brown spread in it, "It's call hummus, and then you can also put in any of the vegetables you want."

I look at Daisuke and he looks as lost as I am. Kaito picks up on our silence and laughs. "Here, just do what I do. Explaining was probably not the way to go. For…obvious reasons, my first instinct wasn't to show you. I'm used to people explaining how to do things to me. Sorry."

Kaito makes his and then we do the same.

I take a bite and it is really good. It may not look like the most appetizing thing in the world, but the taste is amazing. It's savory and filled with so many different flavors.

Just as I am about to compliment the chef, Daisuke says "Hey, this is really good."

"Why do you sound so surprised, Daisuke? You've liked everything I've made you before, haven't you?"

He laughs, "I have, but I dunno. Fried chickpea ball doesn't sound appetizing on paper, I guess? Maybe it's a Japanese thing. But it's definitely good."

I nod in agreement and realize how pointless that was, so I say "I agree. It's really good."

He smiles, "I'm glad you both like it."

I ask, "So it's an Israeli d-dish?"

"Sort of. But not really. It is more Middle Eastern in general. Israelis really love it though. It is the main street food you'll find there."

"That's cool. From your Japanese I'm guessing you grew up here?"

He nods, "Yep. I visit Israel with my family during the summer holidays, but that's about it. My Hebrew isn't even very good. My father isn't thrilled about that. I do like the food though, and we do parts of some Jewish holidays."

Daisuke adds, "Yeah he's made me some other Israeli stuff, mostly sweets so far though. It's all been good. I'm going to clean up Kaito, that okay?"

Kaito smiles, "It's more than okay. I would appreciate it."

Daisuke squeezes his shoulder and then starts cleaning. He goes down the hallway to the communal kitchen, leaving me and Kaito alone.

"So, you've known him pretty much his whole life, huh?"

"Yeah. I mean, he's two years older so I guess he had a little time without me. But yeah, our parents are best friends. We even call them aunt and uncle."

He nods, "He told me about that. I'm sorry about your father."

"Yeah…thanks. It's been hard. But we're doing okay."

I check the time. It's almost 8 and my mom usually goes to bed by 9. I probably need to go.

"Speaking of my parents…I should probably go. My mom has to come get me and she goes to bed pretty early."

"Oh, you don't live in the dorms?"

"Not yet. I want to. But um…with us losing my dad, I didn't want to leave my mom alone."

"Oh. Yeah, I can see that."

He reaches out for my hand, and I give it to him. "Well, it was really nice meeting you. Feel free to come by any time. I quite like Daisuke, so I'd like to get to know you better."

"Thanks for all your hospitality, I liked meeting you too."

Just as we are saying our goodbyes, Daisuke comes back.

"You leaving?"

"Yeah, you know how m-my mom goes to bed early."

He laughs, "Yeah. The woman is almost 60. Do you think she will ever stop running at the crack of dawn?"

"Probably not. She really loves it. It helps her too, I think. Especially lately."

Daisuke hugs me and I squeeze him tighter with my one good arm than I usually do. "Yeah…I know. Well, thanks for hanging out with us. You should come by again sometime."

"I will. D-definitely."

I go out into the hallways feeling pretty good about things. I got some extra time with Daisuke, and he even wanted me to meet his friend. And Kaito said he talks about me a lot. Maybe…just maybe… I have a shot with him.

Chapter Text

The nurse smiles at me after examining my elbow. I'm visiting her before classes today.

"Your swelling has gone down enough that we can get you out of this thing."

I smile broadly at her words. "That'll be nice. It will be good to play the piano again."

The nurse carefully removes my sling. I extend my arm afterwards. It is pretty stiff from barely being moved the last two weeks.

"You might still have a little pain and swelling, so take some anti-inflammatories if you have to."

"Okay. Thank you so much for helping me with this."

The nurse looks at me and smiles, "You know, it's amazing how little I hear those two words from students. At least, said with feeling and not just as an empty statement they feel obligated to say."

I laugh, "Well, as you know, I have some medical professionals in my family, so I guess I kind of get it. My dad also told me he really regretted not thanking the head nurse when he was a student here. So, I figured I should say it. I really do appreciate it."

She smiles, "I know. I can tell you do." She looks a little sad for a moment. "Your dad was such a nice man. I'm glad he made sure that you're nice too." She winks at me.

I laugh, "He really was. Alright, I guess I'll be off to class."

The nurse nods, "Have a nice day."

...

When I get to class, Carsten is already there, and he lights up when he sees me. I'm pretty sure he still likes me and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to progress with that. But he wants to be my friend even if I don't want to date him. And I like having him as a friend, so I guess it's all okay.

When I sit down, he says. "You got your sling off, huh? That's pretty nice."

"Yeah, I was relieved. Most of all because it means I can play piano later."

As we are talking, the bell rings and Ms. Hamada enters the room at almost the same instant and we go about our day of classes.

...

When I walk into the band room my Aunt Chisato smiles broadly, "You got your sling off, huh? That's great!"

I nod, "It really is. I'm glad I can finally play piano as part of the band."

She nods, "Hideki actually won't be able to make it today, so you'll get to play the piano the whole time, if you're up for it. You've been keeping up with what we're playing, right?"

"Yep. I think I know most of the songs, in theory at least. It will take me a little while to really get up to speed probably, but I think I'll do okay."

She winks at me, "I'm sure you will."

When I go and sit at the piano, I notice some other students are looking at me. It makes sense, they haven't seen a whole lot of me, at least not as part of the band. Normally Hideki would be sitting here, not some girl they've barely seen. I have been checking out science club lately, and when I have come to band, I've just been sitting in a corner of the room following along with the music, so they may not have even noticed me.

One girl puts down her French horn and comes up to the piano to talk to me. She's small. Almost as small as my mom. She has brown eyes and short light brown hair that she wears in a bob. She's wearing a very pink headband that seems to have tiny glittery gems in it. She's adorable.

In a very timid voice that I can barely hear, she says, "H-hey. D-do you um..r-remember me?"

She does look familiar, but I thought it was just because I have seen her in band. When I look at her in confusion and don't respond, she continues. She looks down at her feet.

"Um…it's m-my fault you g-g-got hurt. You ran into m-me because I wasn't p-paying attention. I j-just wanted to say…s-sorry. I s-said it then but y-you were really hurt, and I don't think you heard m-me. I just got out of the way s-so your f-friends could help y-you. I s-saw you in here a few times since then, but d-didn't work up the c-courage to t-talk to you. I'm s-s-sorry."

She's really nervous. I smile at her and say, "It's okay. I only ran into you because I also wasn't paying attention. I'm the one who can very easily get hurt, so I really should have been. I don't blame you or anything. That kind of thing just…happens to me."

She looks relieved, "O-ok-kay. Um…th-thank you."

I laugh, "Why are you thanking me?"

She gets flustered and for a moment I think she's going to go sit back down but then she says, "Um…b-because you f-f-forgave me…"

"I don't think you did anything that even needs me to forgive you. So don't worry, okay?"

She nods, and without another word she turns around and returns to her seat. When she does, I notice that where she's sitting means she's the first chair French horn. I'm fairly sure she's a first-year student, so that's really impressive. I also notice that she doesn't talk to any of the other students around her, who are all talking to each other. They don't try to talk to her either. I guess her being so timid and awkward just now wasn't just because she felt guilty.

I'm not as up to speed on the songs we're playing as I would like to be, and I messed up a few times. My aunt was nice about it of course, but it was frustrating. Now that I'm out of my sling I should be able to get up to speed, though.

Once we get done with band for the day, I get out my phone and see I have a text from my mom. It says, "Track practice going late today. Students have been slacking off . I will be 30 minutes late."

I think about what I'm going to do with the extra time for a little while. By the time I look up, I see that most students have already left. But not the small girl who apologized to me. She stayed behind to polish her French horn. I do need to get to know some of my bandmates, and she seems like a nice enough person. Plus, I really don't want her to feel guilty about this whole thing.

I approach her and say, "Hey, I think I'm going to go get a snack from the cafeteria. Do you want to come?"

When she first looks up at me, I think I see fear in her eyes. But it softens after a moment. "…y-you want m-me to g-go w-with you? Why?"

I shrug, "I'd like some company I guess."

She looks back down at her French horn for a moment, "O-okay, I'll c-come." She puts her French horn away and leaves it in the band room and we set out for the cafeteria.

While we're walking, I notice she has a slight limp. She also looks up at the sky and at the trees with a cute smile on her face. Every time I ask her a question though, her smile falters a bit. It makes me feel a little bad for trying to talk to her.

"You're a first year, right?"

She nods.

"Me too. You are in 1-4, I guess?"

She nods again.

"It's really cool you're the first chair French horn. There are six of you. I think you're the only first year in the band that is first chair."

"O-oh…it's n-not a b-big deal…"

"Well, I think it is kind of a big deal."

She looks down at her feet and says, "Th-thank you…"

Eventually we each reach the cafeteria, get our snack, and we sit down.

"I see that you're also a fan of melon bread."

She smiles slightly and nods.

We sit in silence for a while as we eat. It starts to become awkward once we're done eating and not talking, so I try to start a conversation.

"How long have you played the French horn?"

"Um…s-since I w-was 4."

"That's awesome. So, I guess you really like it?"

She smiles more broadly than I thought she was capable of, "Yeah, I love it. I-it's one of my f-favorite things." She pauses for a long while and then asks "Um…h-how long have you played the p-piano?"

"Just since I was 10. I don't have as much experience as you."

"That's s-still g-good though."

Another uncomfortable silence.

She grimaces after a moment and looks down at the table, "Um…I'm s-sorry I'm b-b-bad at this."

"What are you saying you're bad at?"

"Um…t-t-talking. I um…d-don't have th-that much experience with it. Y-you d-don't have to k-k-keep talking to m-me."

"I think you're doing fine."

She sighs with a sad expression on her face.  It breaks my heart a little bit. "Y-you d-don't have to l-lie."

"I'm not lying. I mean, I can tell this is hard for you. But you really are doing fine. Do you want me to stop talking to you? Would that be easier?"

She thinks about it for a moment.

"N-no. W-we can t-talk. …I j-just want you to know I'm b-bad at it. It i-isn't that I d-don't like you or something."

"Oh, well, I didn't think that."

"Okay."

I check the time. "Oh, I have to go. Hey, if you want to, you should come eat lunch with me and my friend tomorrow. We'll be on the main quad. Kind of near where we literally ran into each other that one time." I laugh, and to my surprise she lets out a tiny laugh of her own. I hope she's feeling less guilty. It seems like she has enough going on that she doesn't need to have that weighing on her too.

"O-okay. I m-might do that."

"I'm Kayoko, by the way."

"Um…I'm Akari."

"Nice to meet you. See you later!"

The next day I'm having lunch with Carsten on the main quad.  It looks like Akari isn't coming. Halfway through the lunch period though, I see her in the distance. It looks like she's trying to decide if she wants to come sit with us, because I see her walk a few steps and then turn around several times.

Eventually, she comes and joins us. Today she has a pink headband on, but I think it's a different pink head band. It looks like this one has glitter on it. What's the point in having more than one headband of the same color?

I told Carsten about her, and he knows that she is shy.

I do my best to smile warmly at her and I say, "Hey Akari, this is my friend Carsten."

"H-hello. It's n-nice to m-m-meet you."

Carsten says, "Yeah, nice meeting you too. So you're in band, right?"

She nods, "Yeah, I p-play F-French horn."

"That's cool. So, what's your disability? As you can see, I have a prosthetic leg."

I want to slap him upside the head so hard right now. He knows she's shy and he's still going to ask her one of his trademark blunt questions right off the bat? This girl is going to run away or shut down entirely.

To my surprise, she doesn't. And in fact, she looks up from the ground and right at Carsten and she looks perfectly calm. That's more eye contact than she's given me so far. Maybe she likes that he's this direct? I would not have guessed that. But maybe it's easier for her to talk about real things than small talk.

"U-um…yeah. I have l-lupus."

He nods, "Oh. That's an autoimmune thing, right?"

She nods. "Y-yeah…my own b-body attacks my j-joints and…s-some of my o-organs."

"That stinks. Kayoko has problems with her joints too."

She looks at me with a curious look on her face, "Wh-what is yours?"

"My joints dislocate really easily, so I get hurt a lot. That's what happened when you and I first met. I dislocated my elbow when I fell. Not quite the same as you, but it does sound like both of us have joints that don't like us very much." She laughs more than I expect her to at my comment.

Akari looks down at her food for a moment and looks lost in thought, before looking back up and saying, "M-my l-upus was r-really b-bad…d-didn't r-respond to a-any m-medication. I had l-lots of s-surgeries on j-joints and k-kidneys...My l-lupus is b-better lately b-because of a n-new m-medication th-that c-came out." She pauses for so long that I think she's done talking, but then she continues.

"Um…I'm r-r-really b-bad at th-this s-social stuff b-because I j-just w-wasn't w-well enough f-for school u-until now. I w-was either in the h-hospital or at h-home u-until this year. I d-didn't have f-friends my own a-age. That's why I'm l-l-like this." She looks really ashamed as she says this, and once again, it breaks my heart a little.  Then she sighs, "I d-don't h-have m-much experience with p-people m-my own age." She laughs softly, "I'm b-better w-with old p-people. M-more c-comfortable."

She relaxes significantly after telling us this. I guess maybe explaining why she's so anxious had the effect of making her feel better about it. It does sound like she's so anxious about her anxiety that it is creating a vicious cycle of sorts.

Carsten laughs, "Well, you just told us a lot about you without too much trouble, so I think you're getting better with people your age."

She smiles at him, "Thanks um…I-i'm t-trying. This f-first m-month I have m-mostly kept to m-myself because transitioning has b-b-een hard. K-k-kayoko is pretty much the f-first person I've really t-talked to…"

When the bell rings, Akari looks really disappointed. I'm glad she enjoyed this.

"D-do you t-two eat here e-every day?"

Carsten nods, "Most days. Hey, if you give us your number, we can let you know if we're somewhere else."

Akari gets flustered by this, and even blushes a little bit. "Um…o-okay."

She turns to me, takes down my number, and then sends me a text so I have hers. I'm happy to give her my number, but why didn't she get Carsten's? He's the one who asked.

Later that day, after band practice, Akari approaches me as I'm packing things away in my bag and getting ready to leave and we start talking as the band room empties out.

"H-hey…lunch was n-nice today…thank you."

I smile at her, "It was nice having you. I hope you'll keep coming."

"I w-will. Um…is C-carsten your b-boyfriend?"

I nearly drop my bag when she asks this.

"No, we're just friends. Do you…like him?"

I mean, she just met him today, but my mom seems to think that's possible.

My questions flusters her significantly and she turns bright red.

"U-um…n-n-no. He seems n-nice, but I just m-met him. I j-just wanted to make sure I didn't d-do anything wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"W-well...I d-don't have very much experience around c-couples. S-so if he was your b-boyfriend, I didn't want to c-cross a l-line. I w-was worried m-maybe I did."

Suddenly a light bulb goes off in my head.

"That's why you got my number instead of his, isn't it?"

"Y-yeah."

"Well, Akari, I don't have much experience with this stuff either. But I think even if he was my boyfriend, I wouldn't have thought you did anything today that would make me mad. Even getting his number. So, if you want his number too you should get it tomorrow."

She nods, and then says "Y-you haven't had a b-boyfriend? But you're so p-pretty."

I blush slightly. She's the second person to tell me that lately. It's good for my self-esteem, I guess. "Thank you. You're pretty too."

She doesn't look like she believes me. But she really is.

"But to answer your question, no – I haven't had a boyfriend. I haven't even ever kissed a guy." I laugh, "You have a pretty good reason for never having a boyfriend too since you never went to school. I did go to school, and I still never had one."

She smiles, "I th-thought it was only m-me. So m-many g-girls here have boyfriends."

"I think a lot of the students here are probably in the same boat as us. I mean, not all of them obviously, but I don't think we're that rare. Maybe if by graduation we're still so inexperienced that would be more unique. But right now, I think we're pretty normal."

She looks relieved, "That's good to know. Um…it's embarrassing b-but most of what I kn-know about going to s-school comes from r-romance manga. G-guess they aren't the most accurate, huh?" She giggles. It's a really nice thing to hear because it sounds like she's starting to relax. At least around me.

I laugh with her. "Yeah, I don't think so. Well, I have to go meet my mom. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

She nods, "Y-yeah. S-see you at lunch!"

I think I made another friend.

Chapter Text

Author's Note: This chapter takes place nine months before the events of Yamaku: The Next Generation, and in between Epilogue 8 and Epilogue 9 of Learning to Run.

I just woke up, but I really want to go back to sleep. It's so cozy in bed, and my ankle hurts, so getting up sounds even less appealing. Unfortunately, I've already hit snooze a couple of times and I need to get up and get ready for school.

Strangely, I don't hear the usual hustle and bustle in the kitchen and dining room this morning. Normally by the time I get up, my parents have already gone for a run and gotten ready. But I don't hear them today.

I pull myself out of bed and grab my cane. I put on my school uniform and go out into the living room. I still don't hear anything. Maybe they got a late start and aren't back yet.

I make myself some tea and eat some store-bought melon bread, and after 20 minutes my parents still aren't home. I get up from the dining table and go check their room.

They are still in bed. That's weird. I don't think I have ever woken up and seen the two of them still in bed. Not in a very long time at least. They are such early risers. Just thinking about it makes me tired.

"Hey, mom? Dad? I have to go to school soon, and you have to go to work. You guys stay up late or something?"

No response.

They have their backs to me, and they are both facing my mom's side of the bed, so I walk around. My dad looks asleep. My mother has my dad's arms wrapped around her, and she's tightly holding his hands. Her eyes are closed, but there are tears on her face.

"Mom? What's wrong?"

She doesn't respond at first, so I ask her again. I still get no response. I'm starting to get really scared. I try shaking her, but nothing changes. I'm starting to cry, but I need to hold myself together and figure this out.

I walk around to my dad's side of the bed and put my hand on him and try to wake him up by putting my hand on his shoulder and shaking him. He doesn't respond either. I move back to the other side of the bed to talk to my mom.

"Mom? Wh-what's wrong with you!? What's wrong with dad!?" She doesn't respond.

I drop my cane and put both of my hands on my mother and shake her as violently as I can while screaming, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" She still doesn't respond.

I start bawling uncontrollably. I don't know what to do. I don't understand what happened and why they won't answer me. I…I have to call an ambulance, don't I?

I grab my mom's phone off of the nightstand and dial the emergency number.

A woman's voice answers. "Emergency services, what's your situation?" I do my best to silence the sound of my crying so I can answer intelligibly.

"Um..m-my m-mom and d-dad aren't m-moving or r-responding to me. I th-think something's r-really wrong."

"Okay, we're sending an ambulance and EMTs to your location."

"Th-thank you."

They hang up and then I call the only other person I can think of, my Aunt Chisato. She answers and says, "Hey Emi, you don't normally call me in the morning. What's going on?"

"I-it's K-kayoko."

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

As soon as she asks me, I start bawling again, I can't even bring myself to answer her.

"Where are you, Kayoko?"

"A-at h-home. An a-ambulance is c-coming."

"An ambulance? Are you hurt?"

"N-no…M-mom and d-dad…" is all I can say in response.

"Okay, I'm coming over. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"O-okay."

Before long there is a knock at the door, it's the ambulance people. When I open it, they rush into the house and say, "Where are they!?"

I can't answer in words, so I just walk towards the threshold of the bedroom and point. They rush in there and the first thing they do is try to roll my dad on to his back. They have a hard time though. I guess my mom won't let go of his arms. Eventually, they get him free, and put him on his back. For the first time this morning, my mother responds to something. In a flash, she rolls over and climbs on top of my dad and wraps her arms around him. While sobbing, she screams.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! D-DON'T T-TAKE HIM P-PLEASE! I C-CAN'T! P-PLEASE! J-JUST L-LEAVE HIM!"

"Ma'am…we have to check him, okay? We're just trying to help." When my mom doesn't respond, one of the EMTs peels her off of my dad. She doesn't make it easy for him, she thrashes around, sobbing, while the other one checks my dad. The one examining my father looks at his colleague and shakes his head.

I back away from the door before my feet go out from under me and I fall to the ground. I sit there, sobbing uncontrollably.

Just as all this is happening, my aunt comes through the open front door. She sees me on the ground first and comes over to me. She sees I'm physically okay and then hears the commotion in the bedroom. When she reaches the doorway and sees my mother being restrained and my father lying still on the bed, she falls to her knees and whispers, "No…No…" before she crawls the rest of the way into the room. She puts a hand on my dad's hand and looks at the man standing over my father.

"Is he…?"

He nods, "He's gone. I'm sorry. He has been for some time, probably passed peacefully in the night."

I had already figured out that's what happened since I saw him shake his head but hearing him say it makes it feel even more real. I fully lie down on the ground and put my arms over my face and cry like I've never cried before.

My aunt sobs for a few moments before turning her attention to my mother, who still hasn't stopped trying to escape the grip of the man restraining her. I hear my Aunt talking as calmly to my mother as she can.

"I kn-know this is awful, Emi..…the w-worst thing ever, r-really… but th-these men have to take him. W-we have to t-take care of K-kayoko, okay?"

My mother responds in a quiet, pleading voice. "P-please, Chisato…s-stop them.. I d-don't w-want him to l-leave. I can't…without him…I…I…I…I…..can't."

"I'm sorry, Emi. I…don't want him to go either. But he has to. These men have to take him. I'm…so, so sorry. He's…already gone. He's not here with us anymore. They have to take him. We need to take care of Kayoko, okay? Try to focus on that."

I don't see what happens next, but apparently my mom was subdued, because the two men return to the ambulance before returning with a stretcher and a large black bag, before leaving with the same stretcher and bag. This time it looks like they are carrying something heavy. I'm still sobbing on the floor, so I only catch glimpses of the situation. It's enough for me to understand they took my father away.

After they leave, I hear someone walk up to me, and through my tear-filled blurry eyes I see my Aunt Chisato. She sits down next to me and holds my hand without saying anything for a few moments. She cries with me. After that she pulls herself together enough to say,

"Are you hurt? I mean, your joints."

"N-no. J-just my ankle that was already hurt.…I left my c-cane in there, though."

"Where?"

"On m-my mom's side on the f-floor."

My aunt nods and gets up before returning with my cane.

I sit up and use it to stand up with my aunt's help.

"H-how's mom?" I take a few steps towards the bedroom.

My aunt puts her hand on my shoulder and grips it tightly. It feels more like she's trying to restrain me than comfort me. "She's…she's not well, sweetie. She'll be okay, but right now…she's…she's really not well. I'm going to call Mitsuru, and he's going to come get you, and I'll stay here with her, okay?"

I feel intense anger at her words, and I scream "NO! I'M NOT LEAVING HER!" I rip my shoulder away from her and walk to the bedroom. She follows me.

I see my mom sitting on the floor and slumped against the wall. Her eyes are open. But she's not moving and not saying anything.

"...mommy?"

No response. It's how she was before the ambulance came.

I sit down next to her. I grab her hand, but she doesn't respond in any way. Her fingers don't even move.

My aunt is watching, so I ask her, "W-what's wrong with her? Did they hurt her?"

"No. She isn't hurt. Not physically. She's in sh-shock. She's…r-really upset."

"This is how she was when I found them. So, she's…so upset she can't move or hear us?"

My aunt nods solemnly.

I start sobbing again and lean into my mom and wrap my arms around her waist.

"I'll just…stay here with her until she's b-better, then."

"Kayoko…"

"I'm not going to leave, so stop. Would you if it was your mom?"

She sighs, "I guess not. I'll stay here with you two."

She sits down on the other side of my mom.

"W-was it his heart?"

"I don't know. I didn't have it together enough to ask. But…probably."

"That's so stupid. He worked so hard to make his heart strong. He had a pacemaker. How is this even fair?"

"It's…it's not, sweetie. Sometimes…life just isn't." She pulls her knees to her chest and wraps her arms around them. I've never seen her look so helpless. "It wasn't…when I lost Kayoko. It wasn't…when I lost Saki." She starts to bawl. "It w-wasn't t-today, either. They were all w-wonderful people who made the world a b-brighter…b-better place, b-but they all left us too early."

"That's just not fair…how are we supposed to accept that?"

She looks at me, "Well…I tell myself to love people as much as I can while they are here with us. To cherish everyone while we have them and as long as they have us. Because we never really know how long that will be."

"...that sounds good. But…I want more time with my daddy…" I start crying again.

"Me too, sweetie."

My mom stirs a little and turns her head towards me.

"Mom? Are you okay?"

She doesn't really respond and in a very subdued voice she says, "I'm going to go back to bed."

My aunt says, "What? Are you sure?"

My mom nods and starts to move.

"Emi, you don't have your legs on."

"I don't need them."

She is in a daze as she crawls over to the bed and pulls herself on top of it. She gets in on my dad's side of the bed and wraps the blankets around herself in a cocoon and starts crying softly.

"I'm j-just going to…r-rest here for a little while."

"O-okay Emi…we'll let you rest."

My aunt and I leave the room and close the door.

After that, my mom didn't leave the bedroom where my father died for more than a week. She was always sleeping in his place on the bed and refused to get up. She wouldn't eat. If someone tried to make her move or eat, she would resist with everything she had. Her mom came and tried her best, but that didn't work. My dad's parents came too, but they didn't have success either. Eventually, my grandma Meiko and my aunt convinced me to go stay in Sendai with her. I ended up spending about a week at their house in Sendai. It was the hardest week of my life, no matter how hard my grandma and Sho tried to cheer me up. It didn't help that I could see that they were both really upset too. I thought maybe I had lost both of my parents that day. But after about a week, my mom called my cell phone and mostly sounded like her old self.

"Hey sweetie. I'm…doing better now. I'm so sorry for…being like that. You can come home whenever you're ready."

"Mom…what happened to you, exactly?"

"Wh-when I woke up…that morning, I saw right away your dad had p-passed. I th-think…I think I…lost my mind. I didn't want to leave that room. Or the bed, even. I just wanted to…pretend he was still with me. Th-that's why I didn't want them to take him. And I-if I didn't leave, I thought maybe it wouldn't feel real. If I just kept sleeping, I d-didn't have to face the fact…that I lost him. The bed …still smelled like him. I could just…close my eyes and p-pretend. Pretend he hadn't left. But I'm better now. Y-you should never have had to see me like th-that, sweetie… I'm so sorry…"

Obviously by this point, I'm crying. "What…pulled you out of it?"

"Your Aunt came to see me every day, despite the fact that I barely responded to her. Mostly…she kept reminding me that I needed to take care of you. She said that's what your dad would want me to do. And she was right. So, I guess the answer is…you did. I love you very much, Kayoko, more than anyone on this earth. And I need to take care of you. I'm your mother. It…it wasn't right of me to abandon you like this. I-it was s-selfish. I'm…I'm so sorry, sweetie. You lost your dad…that was hard enough, but you must have felt like you lost me too. I'm sure it was very hard for you. Please…forgive me if you can. I'm going to do better. I'm getting help."

"It was hard…but of course I forgive you. You…couldn't help it. Any more than I can help it when one of my joints dislocates. I'm just glad you're feeling better. I'll come home as soon as someone can take me, okay?"

My mom, who has been crying softly this whole conversation, starts crying a little more. "Th-thank you sweetie. You're so mature. I'm very proud. Your…your dad was always proud of how you handled this sort of thing. I can't wait to have you home. I love you, so much."

"I love you too mom. See you soon."

Chapter Text

Author's Note: This is Epilogue 9: Finish Line, from Learning to Run, but from Kayoko's perspective.

We're going to visit my dad's grave today. My mom goes almost every week, and I am going with her this time because he died one year ago today. He has a nice grave in the cemetery in town that really isn't far from our house. My mom also had a grave put next to Saki's in Tokyo. Half of his ashes are here, half of them are there.

We walk to it together without saying a word. My mother is already getting very teary-eyed, and I can feel tears welling up inside of me the closer we get to the grave.

We kneel in front of his grave and my mom really starts crying, which sends me over the edge too. We lean into each other.

I miss you dad. I go to Yamaku now, like you always wanted. I'm not sure I'm going to do science club, though. I think I'm going to do band. I think you would like that too. It's funny. I feel like I am following in yours and mom's footsteps, but Saki's too. I really wish you were here for all of it.

The new science teacher is nice. She's actually a former student of yours and sometimes I feel like I can hear an echo of you when she's teaching. But she's not you, so it still kind of sucks. I miss playing chess with you, listening to music with you, playing piano for you, running errands with you, talking to you…I just miss everything so much. It's been a year, but I still haven't adjusted to this new normal.

I wonder if you're with Saki now? That would be nice for you, I think. Once I got old enough, I could tell you never stopped loving her. That must have been hard.

Mom is doing okay. She's struggling for sure, more than I think she will tell me. But she's living life and seems fairly happy all things considered. I'm happy too. I wish you were here, but we're doing okay.

I turn to my mom, who has her head bowed and her eyes closed as tears silently stream down her face.

"Mom?"

She looks up at me with a smile on her moist face.

"Yes, dear?"

"Will you tell me how you and dad met?"

She smiles. "Which time?"

"Didn't you run into him and knock him over both times?"

She laughs. "I sure did. Why do you want to hear it if you already know?"

I shrug. "I like hearing about it. I like all the stories of you two falling in love. You can tell a few of those too, if you want."

"Well, let's see. The first time your dad had just transferred to Yamaku and was only very recently discharged from the hospital. I was in a hurry one day running through the hallway when I ran into him." She pauses, "It was…not good. I hit him in his chest. His heart didn't take too kindly to it, and he had a minor episode. Talk about first impressions, huh?" She laughs. "Then, a few days later he came running with me because he needed to do some cardio, but he didn't stick with it. I um…kind of tried to push him when I shouldn't have. I didn't know the details about his condition, and it probably would have been very bad if he listened to me." She turns and smiles at me. "So, he started swimming with Saki instead."

"What do you think would have happened if he kept running with you back then?"

She furrows her brow. "I've thought about that a lot. But I don't really know. Maybe we would have dated back then, but I think I was way too immature and not ready to open up to someone, so it probably wouldn't have gone well. He would probably just be another guy I dumped for trying to get close to me. I was only able to open up to him in the end because he lost Saki. We had…very similar struggles dealing with loss. So, it sort of seems like he and Saki were destined to end up together anyway, and it all worked out for everyone in the end." She winks at me.

"So, how'd you meet the second time?"

She looks at my dad's gravestone as tears start to fall a little more regularly. "I was running late to teach a first aid workshop for the faculty and staff. Your dad was walking on campus, and I didn't see him until it was too late, and I ran into him." She laughs, "Luckily that time his heart didn't have any problems. I didn't have my blades on so I wasn't anywhere close to full speed. It was much more of a glancing blow. We were both shocked to see each other at Yamaku." She laughs, "Then, it turned out he was going to the seminar I was teaching. We ate lunch after, and I badgered him into running with me. We became friends, eventually fell in love and the rest is history I guess."

"You seriously didn't like him right away?"

She smiles at me. "Nope. It wasn't love at first sight for us. I saw a nice guy who I knew was really struggling, and I knew he had to get in good shape. So, I helped him. I didn't see someone I hoped would be my boyfriend." She laughs, "I mean he was cute, but it still wasn't what I was thinking. Your dad felt the same. It had been six years since he lost Saki and he still wasn't even interested in a relationship with anyone."

"That part always seems crazy to me. You two were so perfect together. I can't imagine you guys not being in love."

She smiles at me. "That makes sense. You only knew us when we were in love. But we were friends first. And I'm glad we were. We really bonded over our struggles with grief and helped each other a lot, and eventually all of that led to love. It led to me being able to open up to him and truly love him in a way I hadn't been able to do with anyone." She looks at me with a smirk on her face "You sure want to talk a lot about our relationship today. Are you feeling well?"

I laugh, "Yes…I just want to know this stuff. I know I've heard some of it. But I want to know more. I think this is a good day to hear about it. They are really nice stories. I want to make sure I hear them…while I can."

My mom looks at the gravestone, clearly understanding what I meant. I wish I had heard more of my dad's stories. I want to hear these stories before she passes away too. I don't think that will happen soon, but…you never know.

"Okay. Anything else you want to hear?"

"When did you know that you were in love with him?"

She smiles the widest smile I've seen today. "Well, we went to the beach with your aunt and uncle. We had been very close friends for about 6 months at that point. Your aunt pointed out that it seemed like I was in love with him and completely unaware of it. She was right. I…had never been in love before, so I didn't realize it. I realized I felt a physical attraction to him that day, to go along with the deep emotional bond we already had built." She smiles broadly, clearly remembering that feeling. "I found out later that he started to feel something that day too." She laughs and says, "Basically, in a really roundabout way, I'm saying we saw each other in our swimsuits for the first time and it had an effect on us."

I would have gotten it without her explaining in such…gross detail. But… given what day it is and where we are, I guess I won't say anything about it.

"And then you started dating?"

"Um…not quite. I was really afraid of losing our friendship. Your dad had mentioned many times that he wasn't interested in romance or any of that, so I was very cautious. Eventually, I realized he was attracted to me too. A couple months after the beach, I confessed to him."

"Months? That's crazy."

"I'm glad I was cautious, because even after waiting that long I freaked your dad out with my confession. He came around after a couple of days, though." She winks.

"And then you started dating?"

She laughs, "Yes, dear. We have finally reached that point."

"You guys went to that French restaurant in the city for your first date, right?"

She nods, "Yep. Our first date was…magical. He took me to a viewing platform too where we watched fireworks." A few fresh tears fall down her face.

"Dad really knew how to plan a date."

She laughs and wipes away a few tears, "Yes. He sure did."

"And how long was it before he proposed to you?"

"Almost four years. He just wasn't ready before then. I was ready after about a year." She laughs. "But it was worth the wait. He proposed to me on the old Yamaku track of all places." She sighs. It sounds equal parts happy and sad. "It was a special place for us. We were kind of sad when they got rid of it for the new indoor track."

I feel myself getting really choked up after all of these stories. They loved each other so much. How is she still standing?

"You two were so lovey-dovey, even in your 50s. It made me kind of sick when I had to see you two…all over each other all the time. Like, whose parents kiss and snuggle like that in front of them?" I stick out my tongue and make a grossed out noise.

My mother rolls her eyes at me. "How very traumatic for you."

I laugh, "But now I like looking back on it. You two were so in love. I hope I find a love like that someday." I reach out and squeeze my mom's hand. "I'm sorry you lost that, mom…. I really miss him, too." We both start crying a little more intensely now. In fact, I seem to be crying harder now than she is.

My mother puts her arms around me and I cry into her shoulder. "Your father was a wonderful man. He loved us so much and we loved him just as much. So, it's only natural that he would leave such a hole in our hearts. But you know what? I'm happy we had him for all the time we did. We have lots of wonderful memories with him that we'll always be able to cherish."

I look up at her and sniffle. "What's your favorite memory of him?"

She blinks a few times. "That's…a hard question. Give me a second…"

I guess that makes sense, she has a lot to choose from.

"I think it was when we first met you at the orphanage. We both loved you the moment we saw you. The smile he had on his face when he first saw you was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw. And it's how he always smiled at you, so I got to see it a lot. He picked you up and I got on your other side, and we just stood there snuggling you. It was one of the most perfect moments in my life."

I sniffle, doing my best to hold back a torrent of tears. I knew the story of them meeting me, but not with these extra details about dad's smile. "That's really nice. I…wish I could remember…that day."

She rubs my back with her hand. "That would be nice, but I'm sure you have lots of nice things you do remember. You put me on the spot. Now it's your turn. What's your favorite memory of your father?"

I don't have to think too hard for my answer. There is one clear winner for me.

"I was probably 7, I guess? I hurt my ankle the day before the Yamaku festival, and I was kind of down about it because I didn't think I would be able to do all the stuff I wanted to. But dad made sure we got a kid's wheelchair in time and pushed me around all night, helped me play the games I wanted to. We even caught a goldfish. Then he carried me up to the roof for the fireworks and held me the whole time. I forgot all about being hurt."

My lip starts trembling. I'm not going to be able to hold these tears anymore.

"I had j-just as m-much fun as I had the year b-before. M-maybe m-more..."

I lean my head forward and cradle it into my hands as I start sobbing uncontrollably.

I miss him so  much . I want new memories with him. This isn't  fair.

My mom wraps her arms around her and rocks me. "Yes, I remember that night. He was such a good dad. He loved you so much, Kayoko. With memories like that, you'll always be able to feel how much he loved you. Even if he isn't with us anymore."

She's right. But this only makes me cry even more intensely.

I'm glad I have the memories I do. But I want  more . I should have more. I'm only 16. I should still have my dad.

Eventually, I cry myself out. My mom gives me a handkerchief to wipe away my tears. I kind of wanted to take care of my mom today. I didn't think she'd end up having to take care of me.

She says, "Why don't we go home? I'll make you and your dad's favorite meal, and then we can watch a movie or something."

I nod and we get up together and link arms as we walk back home.

"Can we play chess instead of a movie?"

She sighs, "Yes, if that's what you want to do. Do you enjoy beating up on your old mother?"

"Hey, you beat me sometimes. I thought it would be nice to play today because dad loved it so much."

She chuckles, "Yes, that's true. You know, I only ever beat your father a handful of times over the course of what had to be 500 games. At least I beat you more often than that."

I smile at her, "Only a little more often. But yeah, that's why I had him teach me instead of you." I stick my tongue out at her.

She pokes me in the side playfully, "Now I'm not going to show you any mercy, little girl. You've asked for it."

I laugh. "Oh, I'm so scared, mom."

I love you dad. I'll be back soon.

Chapter Text

Afternoon classes just got out, and I'm on my way to the performing arts center. Today, I'm officially going to join band. That means no more science club, but I had to pick one or the other, and I've made my choice. Like Aunt Chisato said, my dad would be pretty happy to see me in the band too.

I cross paths with Daisuke on my way there. He's probably on the way to science club. As usual, my heart skips a beat when I see him. 

He notices we're walking in different directions, so he turns around and walks alongside me. "Hey Kayoko, no science club today?"

Maybe I SHOULD choose science club instead?

No! Don't let a boy you like sway you, Nakai!

I shake my head, "N-no. Sorry. I think I'm going to switch to band full time. I wish I could do both."

"Oh. Well, I understand. I made the same choice, just in the opposite direction." He laughs. "Have fun with those band nerds, though."

I giggle, "You know, your m-mom says the science club is where the nerds are."

He scoffs. "Does she now? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. To be honest, we're probably all nerds."

I laugh, "Y-you're probably right."

While I'm still laughing and looking at Daisuke, I step on a rock on the path and my ankle goes out from under me. An instant later my chin hits the concrete with a sickening thud. My ankle hurts like hell and my chin doesn't feel great either. As usual, the pain is enough that I can't help but moan.

Why is this happening again when Daisuke is with me?

Well, Nakai, it's probably because you weren't being careful enough and watching your step since you were too busy laughing and looking at him.

Daisuke crouches down with me and checks the situation.

"What do you need me to do?"

"Need…nurse."

"I can carry you back there, it isn't too far. Should I do that or run and get a wheelchair?"

I'll probably bounce some if he carries me and that will hurt, but it will also be much faster. I also don't want to be left alone just lying here for that long.

"Carry…"

He nods and then bends over. I put my arms around his neck. He puts his arms under me and lifts me like I don't weigh anything. My face is very close to his. I can see he's worried about me. Even with the pain I'm in right now, it feels amazing to be this close to him. I notice I am bleeding from my chin, and I got some of it on his uniform. He doesn't seem to care. He's just focused on helping me.

He carries me to the medical building and puts me down on a bed. The nurse is currently with someone, but after a few minutes she sees me, and she runs to examine me with a serious look on her face.

"What happened? You have a pretty nasty scrape on your chin."

That's the least of my issues, lady. But I guess she sees me bleeding from the face and that's what she's concerned about first.

"Dislocated…ankle…fell."

She nods and looks at my ankle, "Oh. Let's take care of that first."

Yes, please.

I look to Daisuke, and he gives me his hand like last time. He's so sweet to me.

As usual, I can't help but yelp in pain when she gets the joint back in place. But the pain gets much better after that.

"Okay, now that we fixed that…in addition to the usual stuff I need to get your chin cleaned up and check you for a concussion."

I nod and turn to Daisuke. "You don't have to stay for all of this. I'm doing better now."

"Would it help you if I stayed?"

I blush. "Um…yes. It would. B-but you have science club."

He smiles at me. "Then I'll stay. They'll be okay without me for one day."

Daisuke sits patiently with me as I'm checked for a concussion, which luckily, I don't have. He's also there for the usual tests and treatment.

After everything, the nurse says, "So, I think it would be best if you used a wheelchair until your ankle gets better."

I sigh, "Really? A cane or crutches won't work?"

"You could try those at home…but I don't like the unnecessary risk here. You have to walk a lot when on campus. If you are using a cane or crutches, it is very easy for you to fall again using those and hurt something else. I think recovering in a wheelchair is going to be best."

I nod, "Okay. Let's do that, then."

The nurse smiles at me. "You are taking this surprisingly well, as usual."

"Well…not my first time in a wheelchair. I wish I didn't have to use one, but it's fine."

"Okay, let me get you one."

She comes back with a wheelchair. She and Daisuke help me get into it. I can't believe he stayed with me through all of this and missed his club activities.

I reach out for his hand, and to my surprise he gives it to me. I squeeze his hand and my heart skips a beat. "Th-thank you for all your help, Daisuke."

He smiles, "No problem. I can take you wherever you want to go, too. Where should I take you?"

I check the time, "My mom has track club and I don't want to make her cut that short. After this, I don't have it in me for band today. I guess I will probably just go wait in the library."

He raises his eyebrows, "You just went through all this and that's where you want to go?"

I sigh, "Well I would like to lay down I guess, but I don't have a way to do that. I guess I could stay here, they might have a bed available, but someone else might need it if there's an emergency."

"I can take you to my dorm room. You can rest there."

Did he just…invite me to his room? I want to do a cartwheel. Not that I can do one even when my ankle isn't messed up.

"O-oh. Um. That's a good idea." I smile up at him. "Let's do that."

Daisuke takes me to his dorm room, which is a sparsely decorated place. Lots of books. Not much else.

He helps me get into his bed. He takes a seat in his desk chair.

He just really helped me and went above and beyond by staying with me through everything. Then he invited me to his room. Does that mean something? Maybe not given the bad shape I'm in. Still…he also let me hold his hand, even after I wasn't in pain. I don't know if I can take this anymore. These feelings just keep getting more intense. Carsten is right. I think I have to tell him. However, there is one more thing I can try that might make me more confident.

"Um…Daisuke?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind…stroking my back with your fingers? My…dad used to do it. It always helps me on days like these."

I feel kind of bad for using this. It's true that my dad did that and I really miss it. But I think if I can get him to touch me again, I will feel better about confessing.

"Uhm…sure."

He scoots the chair closer to the bed and puts his hand on my back. It feels amazing.

"Like…this?" He uses his fingers to go up and down my back.

"Yeah, that's good. Thank you."

It feels so nice to have him touching me. I have to tell him. Even if I get rejected, these feelings are too strong. I have to let him know I have them.

He strokes my back for several more minutes and then I roll over and look him in the eyes.

"Thanks s-so much for helping me today, Daisuke."

He smiles. "No problem, Kayoko. I was glad I could help."

I smile back at him but then break eye contact. I don't know if I can say this to him while staring into his eyes like this.

"There's…something I have to tell you."

"Oh? What is it?"

"I've had a crush on you f-for a long time…and I thought it might go away. But it hasn't. So…I think I just want you to know…that I like you. I…would…like to be your girlfriend. If you feel the same."

I almost said I 'love' him, but I think telling him that might scare him.

His immediate response is a frown. My heart sinks.

"I'm…really sorry, Kayoko. I thought you knew."

It feels like a bomb went off inside my chest.

I want to run away and cry. And running is a really bad idea for me right now. But I just might do it anyway.

"Kn-knew what? Do you have a girlfriend? I didn't know, I'm sorr-"

"Uhm…no, it isn't that. Not exactly. I'm gay. I…have a boyfriend. It's Kaito, you met him."

"Oh…I didn't know that. Sorry."

How was I supposed to know? You didn't tell me.

He sits on the bed next to me and drapes his arm over my shoulders.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one who should be sorry…I just rejected your confession. I'm sure that hurt you. You probably don't want to hear this right now, but you're like a little sister to me…I love you like family. And making you feel this way isn't what I want to be doing."

So, my mom is right again. He's so sweet to me and helps me so much because I'm like a sister. It isn't because he likes me.

"Um…i-it's okay.. I…think I'm gonna go."

I'm about to burst into tears and I don't want him to see that.

He gets a concerned look on his face.

"Listen, I should have told you about this outright. I am…struggling with how to tell people about it. So, I'm sorry I didn't."

It isn't fair of me…but I really feel like I need to get away from him right now.

"It's okay. I'm sure that's hard. Can you bring the wheelchair over here?"

"Kayoko, if you need some space right now why don't you just stay here and I'll go. You're hurt."

I nod and he gets up and leaves. Once he does I lay back in his bed and put my arms over my face and I cry.

It isn't fair of me to be upset about this. He's gay. He has a boyfriend. Of course he isn't going to accept my confession and I shouldn't hold that against him.

I'm not mad at him at all. But…I do love him. I want to be his girlfriend. The fact he isn't rejecting me just because he doesn't like me makes it hurt a little bit less, I guess, but it doesn't change the fact that I want to be with him, and I can't be.

Why am I so stupid? Why couldn't I tell that Kaito was his boyfriend. I mean I guess he has sort of hidden it from me…but he said he thought I knew. I think that must mean he thought it should have been obvious when I spent time with them. I was just too  stupid  to see it because of my own feelings. I thought maybe he invited me because he wanted Kaito's opinion about me, but he actually invited me so that his boyfriend could meet someone who is like family to him. I'm so  STUPID.

My phone rings. It is my mom. She must be done with track club and seeing where I am. I do my best to pull myself together and answer the phone.

"Hey, mom."

"...Kayoko? Is everything okay?"

I guess I didn't do a very good job.

"Um…yeah. I just hurt my ankle today and I'm not happy about that. I'm using a wheelchair for a bit."

"Oh. That stinks. Where are you? Do you want me to come and get you?"

"No, I can get to you. I'll be there in a few minutes."

I hang up and then realize the wheelchair isn't somewhere I can easily get it and I don't want to hurt myself more. I think about trying anyway because I don't want to have to ask Daisuke, but ultimately it isn't worth the risk. I sigh, and call Daisuke.

He answers the call somewhat timidly. I wonder if he thinks I'm going to yell at him or something.

"Hey, Kayoko."

"Hey. Um, my mom is ready to go, and I need to get to her but I can't get to the wheelchair. Can you come help me?"

"Yeah, sure. Be there in a few."

He gets there a few minutes later and moves the wheelchair for me. Then he helps me get in it.

"Do you want me to take you to your mom?"

"No, I can get myself there." I say this much more curtly than I mean to.

I roll towards the door.

"Kayoko…"

"What?"

"I just…I really am sorry. I know that doesn't help at all, but I just… I don't know what else I can say."

I sigh, "It's okay. I'll be okay. I…think I need some space for a bit. But it'll all be fine in the end. I think we can go back to normal eventually."

He nods with a solemn look on his face as he opens the door for me, and I roll down the hallway to the elevator.

I don't say much to my mom on the drive home, and surprisingly she lets me stay silent. I lock myself in my room once we get home and wallow in self-pity.

However, by the time we've finished dinner she has clearly gotten concerned.

"Sweetie…I know you hurt your ankle today, and that's crappy. But I've never seen you like this about one of your injuries. I thought you might have been crying when I called you, and you've been so quiet tonight. Did…something else happen?"

Why does she have to be right about EVERYTHING? I may as well just tell her.

I sigh, "Yeah. I confessed to a guy, and he rejected me."

My mom gets up and sits next to me and gives me a hug.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

The fact it's Daisuke makes this…awkward, but I'm hoping things will be normal again between us eventually. If they can get normal between me and Daisuke, I think people outside the situation should be able to get normal too. Plus, I really need to talk about this.

"I guess so. Um…it was Daisuke."

My mom's eyes go wide, "Our Daisuke?"

"Um…yeah, sure. If you want to call him that. The one I've known my whole life. I fell in love with him these last few months when we were seeing him a lot more. I think he's really handsome and such a great guy. I thought it was a crush, but it wouldn't go away and it was so strong. I told him today after he helped me when I got hurt and was really sweet to me. I really thought…he might like me." A few tears run down my face.

My mom hugs me again, "I'm sorry, sweetie. Getting rejected stinks."

I scoff at her. "The way you make it sound, you were the one doing all the rejecting."

She laughs, "That was mostly true. But I too have known rejection. Back when I was at Yamaku, I really liked the track captain and I tried to get with him. It…turned out he was gay."

Wow. Maybe my mom can relate to this. But…I guess Daisuke doesn't want people to know about him. I don't think I can just tell her that part. Not yet anyway. But maybe I can get some advice from her without telling her.

"What did you do?"

"Well, it hurt my feelings a little bit. But…I don't think I would say I was in love with him like you are with Daisuke. Remember, this was the young version of me. I…mostly just wanted to sleep with him."

"Ah…yeah, I guess that's not the same."

"But you know, when I first confessed to your father he ran away."

"Ran away? I mean, you told me it took him a couple of days…."

"It did. But he ran away first without saying a word. And didn't say anything to me until many hours later. Those…were a rough few hours."

I cross my arms. "What?!…I can't even…dad did that?! That's messed up. If he were here, I would scold him. Maybe I'll scold him anyway. He might be able to hear me, right?"

She laughs, "Don't be too mad at him. He was really struggling with things. With his feelings for Saki, his feelings for me. He didn't know what to do. He had to sort it all out. He felt very bad about it and apologized later for running away. My only point is…the way I felt for those few hours was really tough. And I'm sure it's close to what you're feeling now, and I'm sorry."

I sigh, "I guess this is just part of high school, huh?. So far, I haven't liked confessions of love very much. I hurt my friend's feelings when he confessed to me and I rejected him, and now I'm upset when I confessed to someone, and they rejected me. Good stuff. Kind of makes me not want to even bother."

My mom squeezes my shoulder, "Well, there's no reason you have to rush into it or anything. But I think if you're already starting to feel feelings for people like you did for Daisuke, it will happen again. And next time hopefully it goes a little better. Are you mad at Daisuke?"

"Um…no, not mad. He…can't help feeling how he does. Just like I can't. But I think I need some space from him for a bit. I told him that. I hope we can be friends again but right now it kind of hurts to be around him. I need these feelings I have for him to calm down."

"Yeah, space will help with that. Listen, why don't we get this off your mind for now. Want to play the piano for me? Or beat me at chess?"

"I think piano. I was hoping to play today before I got hurt."

My mom nods, "Sounds good to me. I'd like to listen. I will do the dishes and be right over."

She gathers up the dishes and puts them in the sink while I roll over to the piano in the corner of our living room, next to a bookshelf with all of Saki's music. It is one of my aunt's old pianos, but it is in great shape. The one she has now is top of the line, so the one she gave us is still one that any pianist would be happy to have. There's a picture of my very young dad, Chisato, and Saki on the top of the piano. They are all dressed formally and sitting on a piano bench together. It's from the night before they graduated from Yamaku. The same night my dad proposed to Saki. It's kind of crazy I am only two years younger than them now. I can't imagine wanting to marry someone within the next two years. Their situation was complicated, but still. I'm so engrossed in the picture that I don't notice my mom has come and taken a seat on the couch near the piano.

"That's a good one, isn't it? Want to know something crappy?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I wasn't there."

"...you mean, in the picture?"

She shakes her head, "I wasn't there for that recital at all. I don't even remember what I was doing, to be honest."

"Oh. Well, you weren't really close with any of them then, right?"

"No, I wasn't. But there's a lot of stuff I regret from back then. Once I loved your dad and your aunt it was tough looking back on all the time I missed with them when we were all at Yamaku. Honestly, I love Saki too in a way. So, it would have been nice to see the incredible performance the two of them put on."

I kind of know what she means. I never knew Saki, but I feel very close to her as a result of her music and all the stories I've heard over the years. She's sort of an honorary member of our family. I don't think it would be a stretch to say I love her. At least as much as I can love someone I've never met.

"So, I would have liked to see that moment. I guess I'm just saying, I wish I'd been there. It was an amazing moment in all their lives. And I missed it because I was doing stuff that didn't matter."

"Oh. Well, that makes sense. It would be really cool to go back in time and see it." I laugh, "If I ever invent a time machine that's where we will go first, okay?"

She laughs, "Sounds good."

"In the meantime, I think I can play the song they played together. I can only play the piano part though. You don't secretly play the violin do you, mom?"

She laughs, "Nope. I can't even read music. Or even talk about it beyond being able to say, 'that sounds pretty.' I ended up very out of place in this family in that way, didn't I?

I smirk at her, "Maybe a little." I roll over and grab Saki's first music book and open it to the front. The first song in the book is a different spin on a song by a composer named Pachelbel, one written by Saki, Chisato, and their friend Kayoko, who I'm named after. I remember when I was little and just starting to be able to read my name, I saw that this book was dedicated to Kayoko, and I thought Saki meant me. I felt very special.

I roll back to the piano and open the book to the page and prop it up. "Yep, here it is. It isn't quite a time machine, but it's the best I can do."

As I play the song, I try to imagine that night. I glance over at my mom and her eyes are closed as she sways to the music. I think she's doing the same.

When I finish the song, my mom claps and I smile at her. I play a few more songs from Saki's book and my mom happily listens. But it's starting to get late. My mom looks especially tired.

"Well, that's enough for tonight. You look like you need to go to bed anyway."

She yawns, "Yes, probably. Not all of us can sleep late, you know."

I roll my eyes, "I don't even sleep late. I just don't get up at 5:00 a.m. like you do."

She stands up and yawns while she stretches, "Well, I have to get a run in, don't I?"

I smile at her, "Yes, you do. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Just don't tell me I get up late."

She pats me on the shoulder, "Fine, fine. Thanks for playing for me. Do you think you'll need help with anything getting ready for bed?"

"I shouldn't. She said I can use a cane at home, actually. That will make it easier."

"Okay, well. Let me know if you need anything."

She only has to bend down a tiny bit to kiss me on the top of my head. Even sitting in a wheelchair she isn't that much taller than me.

"Goodnight sweetie. Sleep well. I'm really sorry you had such a tough day. Tomorrow will be better."

I hug my mom around her waist which takes her slightly by surprise based on the squeaking sound she makes.

"Thanks mom. I've…really liked our talks lately. About love and romance and stuff. Thanks for helping me."

She pats me on the head, "No problem, sweetie. I've liked them too. It's been really nice. You know…I was never like this with my mother, I wasn't open about stuff with her. I already feel bad about that, but now I feel even worse because I know how nice it feels to be able to talk to your daughter about these things. I'm glad you are open with me."

I smile up at her, "I'm glad you're open with me too. I don't think most moms tell their daughters they slept with a bunch of guys." I giggle.

She pinches my cheeks, "I told you that as part of an important life lesson, okay! And you asked! It isn't like I just volunteered the information."

I laugh, "I know. I'm just teasing you. Sleep well, mom."

Chapter Text

The next morning when I wake up, I feel a lot better than I expected to after how bad yesterday was. I'm still kind of bummed out, but definitely not what I would call depressed.

...

When I get to class, Carsten isn't there yet. When I roll into the classroom, my classmate Ai immediately approaches me. She's small, maybe even smaller than my mom,. She has brown eyes and long red hair that she always wears in a thick braid. She's my only classmate who uses a wheelchair. We aren't particularly close, but I guess it makes sense this situation would catch her attention.  

She parks herself across from me and says, "What happened?"

"I hurt my ankle pretty bad yesterday, so I'll be in a wheelchair for a little bit."

"Well, I guess that's okay. Being in a wheelchair is kind of my thing though. We can't have two cute wheelchair girls in this class, so make sure you aren't in one too long." She giggles. I find it hard not to giggle with her.

"I'll do my best. I should tell you that with my condition I'll probably be in one periodically over the next three years we have class together. I'll do my best not to hog the spotlight, though." We laugh together again.

Carsten walks in while we're talking and looks surprised to see me in a wheelchair. I guess I can't blame him. I can't remember if I ever told him that this happens sometimes.

He takes his seat and says, "Did you get hurt yesterday?"

I keep a completely serious face and say, "Yeah. What tipped you off?"

Ai and Carsten both laugh, then I tell him what happened.

He nods, "That's good you won't be in one too long."

Ms. Hamada walks in and she does a double take when she sees me too. I'm fairly used to this at this point, but I forget that it is surprising to other people for me to show up in a wheelchair. I actually need to tell her something, so I go up to her desk.

"Hi, Ms. Hamada."

"Hey there, Nakai. Are you doing okay?"

I nod, "Yeah, just going to be in this for a week or two. I wanted to tell you something."

"This is about science club, isn't it?"

"Um…yeah. I won't be joining. Not as a full-time member anyway. I decided to do band. Sorry. I wish I could do both."

She smiles, "That's okay. You're welcome to attend any time."

When I turn around to go back to my seat, I see that Ai and Carsten are talking and laughing together. It looks like there's a bit of flirting going on. She returns to her spot before I get back and I smirk at Carsten as I take my place.

He says, "What?"

And I say, "Oh, nothing."

When the lunch bell rings, Carsten says, "Do you want me to push you?"

"…you know, that might be nice. Sure. I guess we'll go to the cafeteria and then our usual place?"

Carsten nods and then takes my wheelchair, and we head for the elevator. Ai follows right behind us, and when we're in the elevator she makes an over-the-top pouty face and says, "You know, Carsten, I've been in a wheelchair this whole time and you've never once offered to push me." We both giggle as Carsten gets flustered.

"Well…I…um…you're right. I could push you sometime."

She laughs, "I'm just messing with you." She winks at me. "Besides, as a full-time wheelchair girl I usually don't need the help." She flexes her arms, and she has some very large and well-definitioned biceps for such a small girl.

I laugh, "Those are pretty impressive."

As the elevator opens she says, "I know, right?" Before rolling out on her own at break-neck speed. Seeing her speeding around in her wheelchair, I realize that Ai reminds me a bit of my mother, especially what she must have been like when she was in high school. They are both small and flirty, have a similar sense of humor, and like to move at dangerous speeds. Maybe in her third year she'll end up knocking down a guy that she'll marry 20 years later.

We get some lunch at the cafeteria before heading out to the quad. Our slower than normal speed means that Akari beats us there. I've seen Akari every day for a while now, and I think she's got at least 20 headbands. All of them slightly different shades of pink with different designs on them. They are definitely cute on her, but the girl needs to branch out into some other colors. She gets a look of concern on her face when she sees me.

Carsten pushes me into the grass, and I stay seated in the wheelchair while he joins Akari in the grass. I'm more than a little jealous. One of the nice things about eating out here is how nice the grass feels.

Akari asks, "Y-you got hurt again? I was w-wondering where you were in band yesterday."

I nod, "Yep. It's my ankle this time."

"Did someone kn-knock you over again?"

I laugh, "Nope. I did it all on my own this time. Well, I stepped on a rock. I guess you can blame the rock if you want to."

She giggles, "You'll be in b-band today?"

"Yep. Luckily hurting my legs doesn't stop me from playing piano, although it is a little harder."

She smiles, "That's good. Y-you really handle your i-injuries well."

Carsten nods, "She does, doesn't she? It's impressive."

I shrug, "I guess so. I think in a weird way I'm just used to it. I've been dealing with this since the day I was born. Literally. My parents told me I dislocated some stuff that day. So, sure, I'm not happy to be in a wheelchair, but I know it's temporary and necessary."

"That's…a really good attitude to have. I'm still upset about what happened to my leg…"

"W-well…I think that makes sense. You weren't b-born that way. I-it was more recent, and i-it isn't temporary. The w-way it h-happened was awful too…it would upset a-anyone."

Wait, she knows how it happened? I have been curious about that myself but didn't ask. They must be talking some when I'm not around. That's an interesting development. I feel a little left out not knowing Carsten's story.

Carsten nods, "That's true."

"Um…how did it happen? If you don't mind me asking."

Akari looks at me with surprise. I guess she probably thought I knew because I've known him longer.

He looks around, checking to see if anyone is looking or listening. He decides the coast is clear.

He gets an extremely serious look on his face. "Um…I have always been bullied a lot, in school. There are always kids who will decide to be mean to me just because I look different, or I have an accent, or whatever. Until last year things stayed fairly innocent…as far as bullying goes, I guess. Just name calling and stuff. But last year things got worse. Um…eventually these four guys who had been tormenting me for years took it to another level. They wanted to scare me, so they took me to the roof of the school and wanted to sort of play like they were going to throw me off it. They were dangling me off the roof and stuff. Well, one of them lost their grip and I really fell. I could have died, if I had landed wrong, but my leg took most of it. My entire tibia was shattered into a million pieces." He forces a laugh, "Sacrificed itself for the rest of my body, I guess."

I can't help but gasp and put my hand to my mouth. "Carsten…I'm so sorry. That really is awful. No wonder you're upset about it. Akari's right, my condition and what you went through are very different things. It makes sense you're upset. What happened to those awful bullies?"

"They all got expelled and the principal also got fired. It ended up being a PR nightmare for the school, because it ended up being a huge story in Germany. I don't know how much of that was organic though, I think my parents stirred things up."

"Well, I think they were right to. That whole story makes me so mad. Um…have you been bullied at all here?"

He shakes his head, "Not at all. Which surprised me a little. I mean, we are older now, I'm sure there's less bullying at this age anyway. But I still thought I'd deal with some of it. I guess it's because so many people here look different for a variety of reasons. So, people don't really stop to think about the fact I'm not Japanese. Not as much, anyway."

"That's good. Guess no one will have to get run over then." We all laugh.

I look up and see Daisuke and his boyfriend walking by. Kaito has his arm so that Daisuke can guide him. My heart sinks. I was doing well until I saw him. Apparently, this is obvious to my friends.

"E-everything okay, Kayoko?"

I force a smile, "Hm? Yeah. Everything's fine. Just tired I think."

Luckily the bell rings and I don't have to continue to pretend I'm fine. We get up and head back to class. When we get in the elevator alone, Carsten asks, "Are you sure everything's okay? You don't really look like yourself."

It really isn't fair for me to talk to him about this. Does he feel the same way about me as I do about Daisuke? Does he need space from me, and he just isn't asking for it?

I sigh. "Yesterday I confessed to Daisuke, and he rejected me. So, I'm just dealing with that."

The elevator opens.

"Oh. I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about that some more?"

"Not right now. We have to go to class. I'll tell you more about it later."

...

When class is over, I don't let Carsten help me and I roll out of the room on my own and wait for him outside the door.

He's one of the last people out of the class, and when he comes out, I say, "I know we both have club stuff, but I want to talk to you real quick, if that's okay." He nods.

We go to a quiet corner in the hallway on the first floor, which is largely empty when classes aren't in session. Most of the rooms for clubs are on the second floor or in other buildings. He sits down on a bench and I position myself in front of him.

"Is this about Daisuke?" He asks.

"Yeah. I um…it hurt me, when he rejected me. And I told him I needed space for a little while."

He nods, "Yeah that makes sense."

"Does it? Then…I guess…why don't you want space from me? I just want to make sure you're doing what's best for you. Doesn't it suck being around me when you have feelings for me, and you know I don't feel the same way?"

He sighs, "I don't know. Sometimes it sucks, I guess. But I like being around you as your friend. I think it's a fair trade."

"I guess you're a bigger person than me. I like being around Daisuke too but…right now, I can't do it."

I put my hand on his shoulder, "Listen, if you ever feel like you need some space, just tell me, okay? It doesn't mean we aren't friends anymore if you do that."

He nods, "Okay. I'll let you know. I don't think I need it right now, though. Um…I'm sorry he turned you down though. I guess I steered you wrong?"

"No, I don't think so. I think I'll be glad I told him in the long run. Just like you said. It sucks for now, but that's okay. Anyway, we should get going to our clubs I guess." I turn my wheelchair around and head for the door. "Have a good time newspapering."

He laughs, "You have a good time…banding…I guess?"

I give him a thumbs up as I head to the building's exit.

...

When I get to band practice, I see many of the same reactions I've seen so far today. People are surprised to see me in a wheelchair because I'm not normally. Except Akari, of course. Hideki, the other pianist, comes up to me and asks the same question I've heard several times today,

"What happened?"

"I hurt my ankle. I'll just be in this for a week or two."

"Will you be able to play?"

"Yep, I've played in a wheelchair before. It's doable."

He smiles, "Good."

I really appreciate Hideki. He's a third-year student who has taken to mentoring me when he doesn't really have to. He's even let me split time with him during band practice, something that he definitely doesn't have to do.

He also happens to be easy on the eyes. He's one of the tallest students at the school, and he has light brown hair and eyes that almost match one another entirely. Because he plays piano like me, I've also spent a lot of time looking at his hands and I've found myself sort of hypnotized by them when he plays. They are very large, with long, slender fingers. Perfect for playing piano.

My Aunt Chisato appears next, and she doesn't look too surprised. My mom must have told her.

She comes up to me and puts her hands on her hips while looking me up and down. "I guess you had a good reason for missing band yesterday, huh?"

I laugh, "That's up to you, I guess. Oh, I have news you'll be happy about. I've decided to join the band officially."

Her face lights up and she bends over to put her hands on my shoulders. "THANK GOD!"

My Aunt tends to get a little loud when she's excited. Now all the students are looking at us. This is enough even to embarrass my normally unshakeable aunt.

She clears her throat and stands up, "Uhm…sorry everyone. Kayoko just told me she will officially be joining us, and I got excited."

God, this is embarrassing…

The students, not knowing what to do about this announcement, unenthusiastically applaud. Well, not everyone is unenthusiastic. Akari and Hideki both look happy. But most of these people don't know me that well, I certainly didn't want this to be announced to everyone like I'm a big deal. Hopefully this doesn't create problems for me. The fact I'm so close with the band teacher probably already makes things look a little sketchy.

Oh well. At least I made this decision, and I'm excited about it overall.

...

After band practice, I meet up with mom. After I get into the car my mom spends several minutes trying to get the wheelchair into the trunk. I hear several curse words.

She gets into the car out of breath.

"You know, I can probably get someone from band to come and help with the wheelchair."

"…that's probably a good idea."

"Wow, really?"

"Yes, what's so strange about it?"

"I dunno. You aren't always good at letting people help."

She scoffs, "Well, as you have so nicely been telling me of late, I am old. And also, quite small. I think that wheelchair might outweigh me."

I giggle. "It might. I guess this is the first time I've needed one since we lost dad. He was better at it."

She laughs, "He was, but I think I do a pretty good job for my size. Show me another 60-year-old lady under 50 kilograms who can even get that thing in the trunk."

"Yep, that's true mom." I pat her on the shoulder, "Good job."

She looks at me out of the corner of her eye. "I feel like I'm being patronized."

"Anyway, there was something I wanted to ask you about. You know how Chisato, Mitsuru, and Daisuke come over for dinner most Sundays?"

Ugh.

"Yeah."

"Are you…okay with that this week? We can make an excuse or something."

I sigh. "No, no. It should be fine."

"Are you sure?"

I shift in my seat a little while I think about it. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I can handle spending some time with him with everyone else around. I need to…grow up about this anyway, I think."

"Okay. I will tell them it's on then. If you change your mind, we can always back out."

My mom parks the car at our house.

I smile, "Thanks, mom. Now then…are you going to get the wheelchair out?"

She glares at me and curses under her breath.

"What was that?"

She answers with an overly cheery voice. "Nothing, my dear. I will get it for you."

It's Sunday and Daisuke and his parents will be here later. I think I need to take a nap to prepare.

When I wake up from my nap, I hear the cheerful sound of my mom talking with my aunt and uncle. I'm not sure whether Daisuke is here yet. But even if he is…I'll be fine. I grab my cane and get out of bed and look at myself in the mirror.

Yep, I definitely look like I just woke up from a nap.

I brush my hair and put on a clean change of clothes. Then I take a deep breath before opening the door. When I do, I see that it's only my aunt and uncle right now.

My mom smiles at me, "Hey sweetie, I'm glad you got up. It's almost dinner time."

"Well, you know me, I don't tend to sleep through meals very often." This draws a laugh from everyone.

I take a seat in the living room with everyone.

My uncle tells me, "Oh, by the way. Daisuke won't be coming tonight, so he decided to spend some time with his boyfriend. Just us old people today." He laughs.

Wait, what?

"B-boyfriend?"

I guess they know.

Uncle Mitsuru looks at me, "Yeah. He told us he came out to you. He didn't?" He gets a concerned look on his face. "If not, I just really messed up."

I look down at my lap. "H-he did."

Wait a minute. They said that in front of my mom, too and they didn't think it was news to her…

I look at my mom and she breaks eye contact the moment I do.

She…she knew? And she didn't tell me?! What the fuck. This is so messed up. I thought we were being so open and honest with each other.

"Um…you know…I'm not feeling very well. I guess I need more rest. I'm sorry but I think I need to go lie down for a little longer." I get my cane and start walking towards my room.

My aunt smiles, "Okay sweetie. I hope you feel better."

My mom looks at me with some desperation in her eyes, she knows I just figured this out. She says, "I'll come help you get settled."

"No, mom. I'm fine."

She stops in her tracks and looks like she's going to start crying. But she pulls herself together and puts on a fake smile.

"Okay. Let me know if you need anything."

Once I get to my room I collapse on my bed, processing this new revelation.

My mom knew he was gay for who knows how long and never told me. It could have saved me some serious heartache if she had. She also didn't mention it even after I made a fool of myself and confessed to him. I feel…really betrayed. We had started having such frank conversations with each other, and she was holding this back all along. I don't think I've ever been this angry with her.

I stay in my room the whole time my aunt and uncle are there, brooding and listening to music. After they leave, my mom knocks on my door.

"Sweetie? I know you're upset with me, but-"

"I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone."

My mom hesitates for a moment and then sounds absolutely crushed and defeated when she says, "Okay."

I hear her slowly walk away from my door.

Ugh. She's making me feel bad now. That's not fair. Whatever. I will talk to her tomorrow.

I just woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of my mom's voice. It's loud even though her room isn't that close to mine. She's never awake this late.

Oh shit.

She has a really bad recurring nightmare about the car wreck she was in as a kid. It's how she lost her legs and her father. It's been a while since she was loud enough to wake me up. My dad used to help her, but he can't now. I'm still mad at her…but this is more important than that.

I get my cane and go into her bedroom, and in the dim light I can see that she's thrashing around in the bed, and I can hear her yelling. I turn on the light.

"Mom?"

She doesn't respond. It's an even sadder sight once the lights are on. Her face is covered in tears and contorted into a heartbreaking expression of agony. She's moving as if she's trying to wrench herself free of someone's grip. I start to tear up just seeing her like this.

This reminds me a little bit of the morning dad died. If I think about that too much, though, I'm not going to be able to do this. I take a deep breath, approach the bed, and put my hand on her shoulder and gently shake her.

"Hey, mom. Wake up. You're having your nightmare."

She doesn't come out of it, so I shake her a little harder and repeat myself a little more forcefully. This time she comes out of it and tightly grips my hand while her eyes are still closed.

"Mmn…Hi…sao?"

As if this situation couldn't get any more heartbreaking. It really isn't fair that she lost him. She still needs him so much.

Now I feel a few tears run down my cheeks.

"…no, mom. It's me. Kayoko."

She opens her eyes. "...I woke you up, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but don't worry about it."

She notices my tears. "Why are you crying?"

"I just…I hadn't seen you like that. It sucks that you have to go through that."

"I'm okay now, sweetie. Thanks for coming to help. You can go back to bed now." She says this despite the fact that she hasn't let go of my hand.

My dad was always here with her after she had the nightmare. Last year he wasn't here, and I know she didn't get very much sleep. She went for runs in the middle of the night. She even had to call into work a couple of times. I need to help her this time.

"Are you sure you'll be okay? Do you want me to stay here with you?"

She looks mad, like she's going to tell me off for suggesting such a thing.  But she still hasn't let go of my hand or even loosened her grip on it.

"Dad used to help you get back to sleep, right? Will you let me help?"

New tears form in the corner of her eyes, and she looks away from me.

"I don't want you to have to take care of me. I don't want you to have to see me like this. You've…seen enough of me at my weakest. You shouldn't have to care of me. I'm your mother." The tears fall down her cheeks.

"Mom it's okay if you need me to help with this. Just...let me."

She thinks about it for a moment, looking conflicted. Eventually, she nods without saying a word and lets go of my hand.

I turn off the light and get into bed with her. I stroke her back the way dad used to stroke mine. I don't know if this is what he did for her, but it always worked for me. After about 20 minutes she falls asleep. I consider going back to my room, but I've gotten pretty comfortable, and she might need me again.

When I wake up in the morning I'm a little disoriented. I haven't slept in my parents' bed in probably 10 years.

My mom has already gotten up. She's probably out running.

Just as I get out of bed and into the kitchen, she gets home from her run. She's a little out of breath, covered in sweat and drinking from a water bottle.

She sees me and looks a little embarrassed. "Hey sweetie. Thank you for your help last night. Really. You have your father's gift for soothing people."

I smile at her. I'm really happy I helped.

"I'm glad you let me help you."

"Me too. Um…I know it kind of got put on the backburner…but I want to explain myself about Daisuke. If you'll let me. If you're upset with me and still don't want to talk…that's okay too."

After seeing my mom at her most vulnerable last night, I have a hard time being as angry as I was yesterday. She's been through hell in life. She lost her father and her legs in a traumatic car wreck that has haunted her for her entire life. Then she lost the person who helped her cope with that. It's the hardest time of the year for her, with the anniversary of the crash coming up. I can let her explain herself.

I sigh and sit down at the dining table. "Okay. Explain why you lied to me."

My mom sits down next to me, "I didn't lie…I just didn't tell you."

"Semantics, mom."

"Fine, you're right. I was dishonest. But it didn't come from a place of wanting to deceive you. I was protecting Daisuke. I didn't tell you because I knew he was struggling with coming out. I think you did the same thing, didn't you? I didn't know he had told you until you told Chisato and Mitsuru."

Shit, she's right.

"Yeah…he told me when I confessed to him. And I didn't tell you."

She nods. "It was very sweet of you not to tell me, even after he rejected you by the way."

"Yeah, whatever. I just wish…I just wish I had known. And avoided confessing to him all together. So, finding out that you did know, and you didn't tell me…it upset me. How long have you known?"

She fidgets in her seat. "About two years. Um…your father knew too. He told his parents and us during his first year at Yamaku."

I feel anger burning inside of me and I let it boil over. I slam my fist on the table, causing my mom to flinch. I'm not sure if she flinched because I startled her, or because such an action isn't exactly wise for someone with my condition. "TWO YEARS?! And no one thought to tell me? WHY DIDN'T DAISUKE TELL ME?!"

"I…can't answer the last part with certainty. But I can answer for the adults. It wasn't our place to tell you. He was struggling with how to tell people, with whether he wanted everyone to know. He still is struggling with it. It isn't like everyone at Yamaku knows right?"

I nod.

"I don't know for sure, but that's probably why he didn't tell you either."

"I just…I'm so stupid. I should have known. I even met his boyfriend. I shouldn't have gotten a crush on him. I shouldn't have fallen in love with him. I shouldn't have ever thought he might like me. I guess it just…hurts that people had information that would have kept me from feeling like this. Even…removing my feelings for him from the equation, it really hurts that he didn't want to tell me. That he didn't think he could tell me."

"I know, sweetie. I'm sorry. He did introduce you to his boyfriend, though. That's more than he's done with anyone else. Maybe someday, when you're ready, you can talk to him about that. If you had told me you liked Daisuke…I probably would have told you. Or at least found a way to steer you in another direction. But I didn't know until you told me you confessed."

Oh. In all of this I kind of forgot I never told her.

"Yeah…that's true." I sigh. "I guess I understand."

My mom smiles and hugs me. "Good." Then she releases me, and her mood shifts entirely.

Her voice gets sharp and she jabs me in the ribs with her finger. "Don't ever call yourself stupid again. You weren't. You couldn't know, no one told you."

"Ow! Okay, I get it. Jeez, I wish I had some joints in my ribs so you wouldn't poke me there."

She sticks her tongue out at me and says, "Go get ready for school."

We're in Sendai for the weekend to visit my grandfather's grave. He died long before I was ever born when my mom was only 11. There was a car crash. My mom lost her legs and her dad that day. I have a very hard time even fathoming what that must have been like. The trauma has haunted my mom her whole life, and she still misses her dad all these years later.

I can relate more to her now, having lost my own dad a little over a year ago. That was hard enough, I can't imagine witnessing it happen in a violent way and getting hurt so badly.

We're at my grandma's house getting ready to head to the grave. She and her husband, and our family, always visit the grave on the anniversary.

My grandma asks, "So, dear, how are you liking high school?"

"I like it so far. I have made some new friends, really like my classes, and have had a lot of fun in band."

"That's good. Any boyfriend yet?"

I glare at my mom, who shrugs and shakes her head.

My grandma has always been like this, she probably didn't need any information from my mom to ask this question. My 80-year-old grandma always wants to know if I have a boyfriend.

"Nope, no boyfriend yet grandma. I will let you know when I get one, okay? So, you can stop asking."

She looks at my mom, "Goodness Emi, she sounds like you did."

My mom rolls her eyes, "Well, it is a pretty annoying question, mom."

Really? Is it? Because  you  do the same thing!

"What's wrong with asking about her love life? Would you rather I ask you about yours, dear? Where is your handsome Hisao anyway?"

My mom frowns and looks down at the ground. I put my hand on her back, and she smiles at me.

My grandma's husband, Sho, steps in and puts his hand on her shoulder and speaks gently to her. "Meiko. Hisao…he passed away, remember?"

My grandma has been struggling with the early stages of dementia recently. Sho told us about it last month. This is the first time my mom and I have really witnessed it. Sho told us she will be her normal self but then say something that doesn't make sense. Now we know what he means.

After Sho reminds her, my grandma appears to be her usual self. She frowns and looks ashamed, realizing now what she said.

"Oh…yes, of course... I'm sorry, Emi. I miss Hisao."

My mom smiles at her, "It's okay mom. We miss him too."

My mother usually has no patience for my grandma, but given the reason for her slip up, she can't really be mad at her.

We're heading back to town after spending the weekend in Sendai. We had a nice visit at my grandfather's grave. We also put new flowers on it and cleaned it. Well, I did as much as I could with my wheelchair, and my mom wouldn't let me do that much. Which is probably fair, but it still kind of sucked that my much older family members did most of the work. His gravestone is getting old enough that we may decide to replace it next year.

We've been quiet for most of the drive. My mom usually is on the anniversary of the crash, but when we're halfway home, she says, "It was really hard seeing my mom like that."

"You mean…how she forgot about dad for a minute?"

She nods, "I know Sho told us it was happening. But I guess I was in denial. She's always been such a sharp, witty woman. It's hard knowing that she's losing some of that. And that it's…only going to get worse from here."

"Well, she didn't seem to have any more moments like that when we were there. Hopefully it progresses slowly."

"Yeah…that's true. I think maybe we should make more of an effort to go see them. Maybe put dinners with your aunt and uncle on hold for a while and go out there instead every Saturday or something. I can make them dinner and stuff."

"I think that's a good idea. I'd like to spend more time with her too."

"Okay, I'll run it by them. I can't imagine they'll say no. They adore you…after all."

"Hey, mom? I um…I know her question was the result of her dementia but…it made me think. About your love life. Do you think you might date again?"

She thinks for a moment. "I can't say for sure. I do know that right now I have no plans for it at all. Honestly, the way I feel now I would say 'Never, nope. It's not going to happen.' But, I know of two examples of people who felt that way, and then eventually found love again."

"Two?"

"Well, yeah." She smiles at me. "Your grandmother and your dad. I know that they both thought they would never love again, and then they both did. And they both became quite happy with their new partner…." I can hear her voice wavering a little bit, like she might cry.

I reach out and squeeze her hand.

"But the point is…I don't know. It isn't going to happen any time soon, but based on those two examples, it does seem like it could happen someday." She laughs, "Of course, they were both much younger than me. My age might make it a little harder I guess."

I giggle, "That's true. But mom, you're beautiful, you look 20 years younger than you are and you're in amazing shape. If you wanted to date again, I'm pretty sure you'd have your choice of single guys aged 40 and up."

She laughs and squeezes my hand, "Thank you sweetie. So, you would be okay with it if I did date again, huh?"

"Yes. I just want you to be happy. And if that's what you need to be happy, I think you should do it."

"You're much more gracious with me than I was with my mother. I stopped speaking to her for a month when she first started dating Sho. They knew I would too, because they even hid that they were dating for the first several months. Which only made me even angrier."

I laugh, "I know, grandma told me. You ended up loving Sho in the end, so it all worked out."

She smiles. "Yeah, that's true."

"I think I have an easier time with it because I saw dad do it." I laugh, "I mean, it was sort of after the fact obviously. But…he never stopped loving Saki, right?"

She smiles, "Nope. He never stopped. Your grandmother never has never stopped loving my dad, either."

"See? So, I know that if you decided to date again, you'd still love dad. I wouldn't think you were betraying him or something."

She laughs, "Yeah, and that's exactly how I felt when my mom start dating Sho. And I was three years older than you are now. Why are you so much more mature than I was?"

I shrug, "I think if I didn't have dad's example, I would probably feel that way too."

"Anyway, it's good to know you wouldn't hate me if I did decide to date. But I really don't plan on doing it any time soon. Both your father and your grandmother took about 7 years to get back on the horse. And I was with your dad longer than either of them were with their first spouse. So…if I had to guess, if it does happen, I'd say it will be awhile. Maybe I'll be an 80-year-old grannie out on the prowl for a 60-year-old husband though."

We both laugh, and I say, "That's a pretty funny image."

"So, now that we've had a deep talk about my love life…how are those things going for you?"

I wave my hand dismissively at her, "There's nothing to report. I'm feeling better about the Daisuke situation. I guess that's it."

"No one has even caught your eye?"

I shrug, "I dunno. There are some cute guys for sure. The other piano player isn't bad to look at, and he's really nice to me. I might have a tiny crush on him, I guess. There's a guy in my class that I have thought was cute since day one, but he has a girlfriend. So yeah…so far, I have no desire to try to pursue someone. My first experiences with love in high school have put me off of it for a while, I think. Maybe after summer vacation I'll reassess."

Chapter Text

I'm leaving the medical building walking under my own power. Mostly. My ankle still isn't entirely healed, but I can put some weight on it now, so I can use a cane even on campus. Before going to class, I take a quick stop in the restroom. When I'm washing my hands, Ai comes rolling in at her usual speed.

"Hey, Kayoko, glad to see you're not in your wheelchair anymore."

"Thanks. I'm glad too. Especially because you can have your thing back now, you know?"

She laughs, "Yep. Things are once again how they should be. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You and Carsten. Are you a couple?"

"Nope."

"Do you like him?"

"Not like that. We're just friends. Why?"

She blushes, "I think he's really cute. I've been talking to him before class lately too, and he seems really nice. I was wondering if he would be into a girl like me. Has he ever said anything about me?"

"Um…no, he hasn't. What exactly do you mean…'a girl like you.'"

She sighs, "You're going to make me say it?"

"I…think I have to, because I don't know what you mean."

She fidgets with her braid and quietly says, "Whether he'd be okay with a girl in a wheelchair. It…isn't something all guys…want."

"Oh. Well, I think I know him well enough to say that he isn't going to disqualify you for being in a wheelchair. Frankly, any guy who would sucks anyway. If you want, you can join us for lunch today. Might give you a chance to feel things out."

She nods, "That's a good idea. Hey um…don't tell him about this, okay? Or…you know…anyone?"

"I won't, don't worry."

She smiles and then leaves the bathroom.

As I leave the restroom myself, I realize she left without using any of the facilities. She must have seen me come in here and decided to follow me in to talk about Carsten in relative privacy. She must really like him. She's such a big flirt that I sort of assumed she was more confident about this kind of thing. I guess I was wrong. She jokes about her wheelchair being her 'thing,' but I guess she does it to cover up her insecurity about it.

...

The bell rings for lunch time and Ai is over to me and Carsten in a flash. She rolls herself next to Carsten and flashes him a very big smile.

"Hey Carsten, Kayoko invited me to come eat with you guys today. My arms are tired. Would you mind pushing me?"

She's so bold. I could maybe learn a thing or two from watching this girl at work. So far, I'm clueless about how to do this sort of thing.

Carsten is a little flustered and says, "O-oh. Yeah, sure." When he gets behind her to push, she winks at me.

Once the three of us are in the elevator he remembers the last time we were in the elevator with Ai and he says, "Hey wait, didn't you say full-time wheelchair girls don't need people to push them?"

She laughs, "Oh. You remember that, huh? Well, most of the time we don't. But there are exceptions." She winks at me again.

Once we pick up some lunch and go to the quad, we find Akari already there. She looks a little nervous when she sees there is a new person in our group. She has gotten pretty used to me and Carsten, but still isn't doing so well with others. I probably should have texted her about this.

"Hey Akari, this is Ai. She's in our class too."

"N-n-nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

Once we've all sat down on the grass, Ai starts fidgeting in her wheelchair and turns to me. "This is not a very wheelchair-friendly place to eat, is it?"

I laugh, "Not really. I was bummed when I was in mine and couldn't get out on the grass. I'm sorry."

She thinks for a moment and then says. "Hey, Carsten? You look strong. Would you mind picking me up and putting me down on the ground?"

She's telling the truth about feeling left out, but turning that into a way for Carsten to touch her in a fairly intimate way is genius. Should I be taking notes? I'm in a wheelchair sometimes, after all. I guess I weigh significantly more than she does, so maybe I shouldn't expect guys to be able to lift me. Plus, I probably shouldn't praise her too much until I see if it works.

Carsten blushes and says, "P-pick you up?"

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. I don't weigh very much, promise. I just want to be down there on the grass with all of you. I'm kind of far away up here."

Carsten stands up and says, "Yeah…okay."

I notice that Akari is also surprised by our new lunchmate's behavior. In fact, she might be angry about it. It is hard to tell. I may be mistaking her anxiety for something else.

Carsten gets up and surveys the situation.

"Um…how should I…?"

"Here, you just bend down, and I'll put my arms around your neck, okay? Then you can put your left arm around my lower back and the other around my legs, under my knees. It should be easy from there."

He nods and does as she asks. When he bends down, she puts her arms around his neck as she said she would. She leans forward so he can reach around her back, and then he puts the other arm under her legs. He lifts her up, and she giggles a little bit. She makes sure their faces are very close to each other. In fact, I think their cheeks may have just touched. She has a big smile on her face.

"See? I knew you were strong."

Carsten smiles at her, "Where do you want me to put you?"

"Hmm…how about next to where you were sitting?"

He nods, but then when he gets there he stops for a moment and says, "Um…how should I position you?"

"Good question. I have almost no feeling in my legs so balancing can be tricky. Just put me down on my butt and I will lean back on my hands, and then you can move my legs, so they are in front of me."

This whole thing not only makes them touch one another, it really is also a way to see how well he handles the fact that she's in a wheelchair and has serious issues with mobility.

He nods and puts her down. Just as he's about to adjust her legs, Akari says "Oh…um, I c-can do this p-part, for you." and she moves her legs before Carsten can. "Is that g-good?"

Ai looks a little disappointed for a moment but hides it quickly. Clearly she was trying to get Carsten to touch her more. "Yep, that's good. Thank you, Akari."

Ai sets up shop next to Carsten, and even scoots herself a little closer to him using her arms.

"Man, it is really nice to be down here on a day like this. Thank you, Carsten."

He smiles at her, "No problem. I'll put you back in your chair, too."

She smiles and with just a slight tinge of seductiveness she says, "Good. I would really like that."

Well, maybe it wasn't that slight, because both Carsten and Akari have picked up on it. Carsten looks at Ai and blushes. Ai doesn't look away from him either, she just smiles an innocent little smile. They stay looking at each other and smiling for several seconds. Meanwhile Akari's face has some more definite signs of being upset.

Akari starts to gather up her things and says "I h-have t-to go. See you at b-band, K-kayoko."

Oh no.

Carsten and Ai both say, "Bye Akari," and I add, "Okay, see you then!"

As she's walking away, I pull out my cell phone and text her, "Is everything okay?"

I look up and Carsten and Ai are talking to each other and laughing. Ai is making sure to put her hand on his arm when he says something particularly funny. I'm already starting to feel a little like a third wheel from the display they are putting on.

I look back at my phone and see Akari has responded.

"Can we talk after band today?"

I respond, "Yeah, sure."

When the bell rings, Carsten effortlessly picks up Ai and takes her to her wheelchair. Just when he's about to put her down, Ai takes advantage of how close they are and kisses Carsten on the cheek and says, "That's for helping me."

Carsten seems to appreciate the gesture, as he turns red and smiles a big goofy smile before putting her down in her wheelchair.

"Um…I'll push myself this time. I think I had enough rest. I'm going to go on ahead."

She is blushing bright red herself and seems to want to get away, so even though she looked so confident, I think she's kind of embarrassed about what she did and isn't sure she should have been so forward. I don't think she should be though. I think her plan worked. She takes off at high speed as me and Carsten make our way back to the school building.

"Um…do you think she-?"

"Yep."

"Yep? You don't even know what I was going to say."

"Okay, fine. Finish."

"Do you think she likes me?"

"Yep."

"Oh…I guess you did know what I was going to say. How are you so sure?"

"Were you at the same lunch I was?"

He laughs, "I guess it was obvious."

I laugh, "Very. What are you going to do about it? What do you think about her?"

"She's really cute. I think I might get her number and talk with her some. See if there's something there."

I nod, "I think that's a good idea. Good luck!"

Hopefully this works out for Carsten. He's a good guy, and I think Ai seems like a pretty good fit for him. Of course, the bad news is that I think my other friend might be hurt if they end up together.

After band practice is over, Akari comes and stands near the piano while she waits for me to pack up my things.

"Hey Akari, I'll just be a second. Where do you want to go?"

"I d-don't know. S-somewhere private. M-maybe my dorm?"

I nod, "That's a good idea. Let me text my mom."

I write, "Hey mom, helping a friend. I don't think it will take too long, but I will probably be a little late to meet you at the car."

She responds, "I was about to text you. I'm running late too, so good timing! Have fun."

We walk off to the girls' dorms, and we reach Akari's dorm room. I find myself in the pinkest space I've ever been in. I mean, I knew she loved pink, but this is intense. Pink sheets, pink towels, pink stuffed animals, pink bedding, pink posters. And of course, she has a pink holder for her two dozen pink headbands. It's kind of giving me a headache. She also has a large bookshelf that is filled to the brim with romance manga. There's also one lying open next to her bed. She must read them every night. This might be the girliest room that ever existed.

She sits down on the bed with a somber look on her face. I move her desk chair so I can sit close to her and sit down.

"What did you want to talk about?"

She frowns, "Um…I th-think I like C-carsten."

"Oh? You only 'think' you do?"

She fidgets. "W-well, we've been talking a lot. Especially t-texting. I like that because it doesn't m-make me anxious. W-we've gotten close, I guess. I didn't think I l-liked him until today, though."

"Ah, did you get jealous seeing Ai flirting with him?"

She scoffs and looks very annoyed, a face I haven't seen from her before. "Y-yeah. I d-don't know w-why she had to be all over him like that."

"Yeah, she was intense. She certainly made it obvious she is interested in him."

"D-do you think he l-likes her?"

I sigh, feeling bad for what I'm about to say, but I shouldn't sugar coat this for her.

"Well, by the end he was flirting back. After you left, she even kissed him on the cheek, and he liked it. He got her number in class. There's a pretty good chance they will start dating…I think. I'm sorry."

She crosses her arms, "Well, they aren't d-d-dating yet, right?"

"Not as far as I know."

"W-what should I do?"

I get up from the chair and sit next to her on the bed. I put my arm around her shoulders.

"I wish I could say. I have almost no experience with this. I um…confessed to a guy a few weeks back and got rejected. So, I'm not the right person to ask about how to get a guy to like you, much less in a love triangle situation."

"Y-you? You got rejected?"

I laugh, "You seem to think that I'm the kind of girl all the guys want, but trust me, the evidence would indicate that's not who I am."

"D-doesn't C-carsten like you?"

"He told you about that, huh? Yeah, he used to at least. A couple weeks into school he confessed to me. I didn't feel the same."

"Why d-did he like you?"

I laugh, "That's…kind of a funny question. I dunno, he said I was pretty, and he liked being around me I think."

She looks down and says in a very defeated voice, "Oh."

"Why did that upset you?"

"I'm n-not p-pretty…Y-you and Ai are. So, I d-don't have a chance."

"Hey, don't say that. Do you really think you aren't pretty?"

"Yes. I...l-look like a boy."

She really doesn't. But maybe this explains her obsession with pink? She thinks it makes it more clear she's a girl or something.

"Listen, Akari. The first time I saw you, I thought you were pretty. I still think you are. Don't sell yourself short."

She looks at me with what must be genuine surprise, "Really?"

"Really. You have beautiful eyes, pretty hair, and great skin. And you're petite, lots of guys like that. I am sure a lot of guys think you're pretty."

"B-but I don't have any…" She gestures towards her chest.

I laugh, "I'm sure that's not true. You don't have big conspicuous ones, sure, but that's not everything. Besides, if that's what you're worried about, it isn't like Ai has you beat there."

"Th-that's true. I w-wouldn't mind having yours though."

I laugh, "Thanks. But I like your body too."

She smiles bashfully, "Okay. What d-do you think I should do?"

"Well, I think if you really feel this way, you should probably confess to him. And soon. Because after what we saw today, Ai doesn't strike me as the kind of girl who is going to take her time with this. It does sound like you have a little bit of a head start though, since you've been talking with him so much. Maybe that will help."

She wrings her hands together and shifts her body, "W-what if I g-get r-rejected?"

"I'm not gonna lie to you. It will suck. It will hurt. But that feeling is only temporary. If it doesn't go the way you want it to, we'll have a girls' night or something, okay? My mom mentioned wanting to meet you recently. She's good at girls' nights. She helped me a lot when I was hurting because of a boy." I laugh, "Also my mom has small boobs, and she was the kind of girl that all the guys wanted to be with. So, there's a good example for you."

Akari giggles. "Okay. Th-thank you." She suddenly puts her arms around me and hugs me with such force that I can't help but grunt.

She immediately lets go and looks at me. "A-are you okay? Did I-

I laugh, "No dislocations this time. You just startled me."

She relaxes and hugs me again, this time more gently. I hug her back.

"Th-thank you for talking with me. It helped. N-next time you have b-boy problems you should tell me, okay?"

"I will, Akari. So, what's your plan?"

"I'm going to c-confess to him. T-tonight, I think."

"That's bold, but probably a good plan given the competition. Well, good luck. Let me know how it goes."

Its the next morning and my mom and I are heading to school. I didn't hear anything from Akari, and I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. Maybe she confessed and they embraced each other and spent all night talking or…doing other stuff. Or maybe he rejected her, and she was so crushed she couldn't text me. Either way, I should probably let my mom know about the situation.

"So, you want to meet my friend Akari, right?"

She nods, "Of course. She's your friend. Your aunt seems to like her too."

"She's who I was helping yesterday. She's having some boy problems, and I don't know how they're going to go. But I promised her that if things didn't go her way, the three of us could do a girl's night."

My mom laughs, "Okay, that could be fun. Although I guess given the circumstances, I hope it isn't necessary."

"Yeah, I'm not sure. She's a really shy girl. She was too sick for school until now and hasn't really had friends her own age before, so she's anxious all the time about social stuff. So, I'm a little worried. If things didn't go well, could we do it tonight? No club activities, right?"

She nods, "Yep, that should be good."

"Okay, thanks mom."

...

When I get to the classroom, Ai and Carsten are already there. She has positioned her wheelchair so she's sitting as close to him as possible, and he has her arm around her as they chat about something with their faces very close together.

That girl is impressive. It's been about 24 hours since she told me she liked him and was all anxious about it, and it looks like she's already bagged him. You would have no idea that she was worried or nervous about it either. She seems so confident. This sucks for Akari, though. Still, I can be happy for these two while feeling for Akari.

I smile at them and use a teasing tone. "Hey you two. You look all cute and lovey-dovey. Something I should know?"

They both blush, it is especially noticeable on Carsten's very fair skin. He smiles and says, "Yeah. We're together now."

My smile gets bigger. "That's great. I'm happy for you both."

Ai says, "Yes, thank you, Kayoko. I told him you helped."

I laugh, "Hey, all I did was invite you to lunch. You did the rest."

She giggles and looks at Carsten, "That's true."

I get out my phone and text Akari, "Hey, I don't know what happened on your end, but I'm in class now and Ai and Carsten are a couple now. I'm sorry."

She responds, "Oh. Okay. I won't be at lunch."

While I'm thinking about what to say to her, she adds, "Girls' night?"

I smile, "Yep. My mom is on board. Meet us in the faculty parking lot around 4:00 and we can go to our house."

"Okay, see you then. Thank you."

Lunch with the new lovey-dovey couple was…interesting. If I thought I felt like a third wheel yesterday, I definitely did today. It was like I wasn't even there for long stretches as they talked and giggled and touched each other unnecessarily.

Still, I can't help but be happy for them. Especially Carsten. I think this probably means he is 100% over me, which is a relief. I was worried he was hurting because of me, and I don't need to think about that anymore.

Now that the school day is over, I am heading for the faculty parking lot. I run into Akari (luckily not literally) as I'm leaving the school building.

She doesn't look like she is in very high spirits. I guess I don't blame her. She smiles at me, and I hug her. She seemed to like this yesterday, so it's worth a try.

"I'm sorry today sucked."

When I look down at her I can see she is tearing up a little.

"M-me too."

We break the hug and walk in the direction of the faculty parking lot. "So, do you want to talk about it tonight? Or keep your mind off of it?"

"T-talk about it, I think. Some at least."

"Okay, what exactly happened on your end?"

"N-nothing. I texted him saying I wanted to meet up and t-talk. And he didn't r-respond. Wh-which is unusual for us. Or…w-was…before Ai. He used to always respond fast." Her voice cracks and she looks at her feet, "H-he still hasn't responded."

"Seriously? That's kind of messed up. I…guess he is getting swept up in his new relationship, but not responding at all? Not even with a 'Sorry, I can't? I will have a talk with him."

She stops in her tracks and says "N-No!" with enough force to make me flinch.

She blushes, realizing how loud she was.

"I'm sorry. B-but I will be fine. At this point I think it is better if he n-never knew I l-liked him. So, d-don't say anything to him, please."

"Okay that makes sense." I laugh, "You know, I wish I could go back in time and unconfess, so I see the appeal."

By now we've reached the parking lot, but my mom isn't here yet, so we wait near the car.

Something occurs to me while we wait. Akari knows a lot at this point, including that my dad passed away, but she doesn't know I am adopted. Come to think of it, I guess I haven't told any of my new friends. It honestly isn't something I think about that often.

"Don't be too surprised when you see my mom. She doesn't look anything like me. Once you see her, it will be pretty obvious I was adopted."

"Oh. Y-you were? When?"

"I was a baby, so I don't remember anything but my parents. So, she is my mom in every important way. I'm just saying, it might be a little bit of a shock. So, I thought I would prepare you."

"Y-you really look that d-different?"

I laugh. "Yes. I won't spoil it for you though. Oh, here she comes."

I look at Akari to see her reaction. There is only one person walking towards us, so she has to know who I mean. When she sees my diminutive mother, who is even smaller than her, she smiles and tells me with her eyes that she knows what I meant. Now that I'm seeing them both together, my mom looks more like Akari's mom than mine.

My mom arrives and smiles at me. "Hey sweetie, sorry I was a little late. This must be Akari."

"Yes ma'am. It is nice to meet you, Mrs. Nakai."

Huh. She really does seem much more confident talking to older people.

My mom smiles at her. "Oh, we can't have that dear. You don't need to be so polite with me. I am a very informal person. You can just call me Emi, and you definitely don't need to call me ma'am."

Akari looks concerned and doesn't say anything.

Maybe formality makes her feel better? Or does my mom act too much like a young person? Could be either.

My mom realizes she may have made a mistake and says, "If you are more comfortable being formal with me, that's okay too. Just…call me whatever you want, okay?"

"I th-think I will go with Mrs. Nakai for now."

My mother smiles at her, "Okay. That works for me. Shall we get going?"

I get in the front seat and Akari gets in the back.

Once we're in the car and on our way, my mom says, "So, Akari, Kayoko tells me you had some boy trouble?"

"Yeah. A b-boy I like has a girlfriend…now."

My mom nods, "Yeah that can be tough."

"K-kayoko tells me you are quite good at talking through boy stuff."

My mom laughs and looks at me, "I hope you didn't oversell me, dear. But I suppose I do have a fair bit of experience with that kind of stuff compared to you two, so I will help if I can."

"Th-thank you for letting me come over. I appreciate it."

"Of course, dear. My daughter talks quite a lot about you. And your music teacher is my best friend. So, I have heard enough about you to be very interested in meeting you."

Once we get to the house my mom goes to the kitchen and starts making dinner. I offer to help her, but she waves me off to spend time with Akari, so I join her in the living room.

"Y-you guys have a nice house."

I smile, "Thanks. I like it. I have lived here my whole life. Well, after the orphanage anyway."

Akari giggles, "You were right. I would n-never have thought she was your mom."

I laugh, "I know, right? It used to be more believable before I got so much bigger than her. I do look a little more like my dad."

I walk over to a picture on the wall of the three of us from when I was 14, Akari follows me.

"See?"

She nods and looks at him for a few moments before looking at me and saying, "Is it w-weird for me to say your dad was handsome?"

I laugh, "No, I guess not. My mom will love that actually."

I yell loud enough for my mom to hear in the kitchen, "Hey mom!?"

Akari looks at me with pleading eyes, trying to tell me not to tell her. But I ignore her because I know how my mom will react.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Akari thinks Dad was handsome."

My mom quickly emerges from the kitchen and joins us looking at the photo.

She sighs lovingly and says, "He was wasn't he. The best-looking man in the world, I think. That messy hair, those kind eyes. His big, strong hands. And you should have seen his bod-"

"Okay mom, we get it."

She laughs, "Sorry. I got a little carried away." She looks at Akari who is blushing and winks, "You have good taste, dear."

"I-I'm sorry you lost him."

I can see my mom wants to hug Akari from a step she takes towards her, but she must be worried about how she would react, because instead she just puts her hand on her shoulder.

"Thank you. Now, I'm going to get back to the kitchen. Dinner should be ready soon."

After she leaves, Akari can't help but giggle softly. "Your mom is pretty funny. Also, you're right. She has small boobs and got with a guy as good looking as your d-dad."

I sigh, "Okay, I think I have reached my limit on talking about how attractive my dad is."

Akari giggles, "Sorry."

She hasn't been stuttering as much and is being much sillier than usual. It is nice to see.

"You seem a lot more at ease here than you do at school."

She nods, "I feel more comfortable in a house. Probably because I spent so much time in one as a kid. It feels more controlled than school. I know everyone in here. Even in my dorm room I don't really feel l-like I can relax. There's…too many people around that I don't know. I can hear their voices and I um… w-worry ever time s-someone walks by, that they w-will knock on my door and t-try to talk to me."

"That must be hard."

"It is. I am getting b-better, believe it or not. But it's still hard."

I nod, "I believe it. I've seen you get more relaxed and confident since I've known you."

She smiles and walks over to Saki's bookshelf. "I see this is where you k-keep all the music."

I follow her.

"Yep. This is sort of the music corner. My piano's over there."

She looks at the pictures on the shelf. She points at the figures in one of the pictures. "This is your dad, right? And the music teacher?"

"Yep, that's them at Yamaku when they were just a couple years older than we are now."

She points at Saki, "Who is she? She is in all of these, most of them with your dad. I k-kind of recognize her."

I smile at her. "That's Saki. She was my dad's first wife. She was a composer. She passed away very young. Only about 10 years after this picture, sadly. Most of this is music she wrote."

"Saki…" She pauses and looks like she is thinking hard. "...Enomoto?"

I smile. "Yep, that's right."

"That's really cool. They have a l-little exhibit about her in the University of Tokyo concert hall. I s-saw it after I decided to come to Yamaku, so I remember thinking it was cool that she went here. She's a big deal."

"Yep, that's her. She, and my aunt of course, are the ones who inspired me to be a musician."

Akari gets excited. "Wow. It's kind of like you have music r-royalty in the family!"

I giggle, "I never thought of it that way. I have always known Saki. So she didn't seem so special to me. But yeah…I guess I see what you mean. What got you into music? You started playing so young."

"My dad also p-plays the French horn. Not as a professional or anything, though. I couldn't really go out and play like other kids a lot of the time because of p-pain or surgery. My um…hips were the worst. So, I could s-sit okay, but not stand. So, he taught me to play since I could do it alone, inside, and sitting down. I ended up really liking it." She closes her eyes and smiles from ear to ear. "It helped me through some hard stuff. It b-became kind of like therapy for me over time." Her smile gets bigger, and now I realize she is thinking of the feeling she has when she plays. "When I play, I don't feel any of my anxieties or worries. I just feel…happy. It's almost like I'm a different person."

I feel myself choking up a bit.

"Th-that's really great. Beautiful, even."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah." I laugh, "Much more profound than my reason for playing."

She laughs, "Maybe, I guess. But you h-have music royalty on your side. So, we're even."

My mom comes into the living room and says, "Hey you two, dinner is ready."

"Okay, we're coming."

We sit down to dinner with my mom, who made my favorite thing: Sesame soba shrimp stir fry.

I look over at Akari who I can see is enjoying the food. She looks up and sees my mom eating in her usual fashion and she can't help but stare. I probably should have warned her about this. After staring for a moment, she just smiles at me and goes back to eating.

"This is really good Mrs. Nakai."

My mother is still in the middle of eating, so she has to swallow an especially large bite of food before she can say, "Thank you. This is Kayoko's favorite." She smiles wistfully. "It was her dad's too, actually. I even made it for him on our first date."

"What? I thought you went to a restaurant."

"Well, it depends on what you consider a date, I guess. That was what we did the first time we went out as a couple. But the day we became a couple I made him dinner at my apartment."

Akari smiles, "That's really nice. This is a r-really special dish, then."

My mom smiles, "It really is."

We go back to eating in silence for a bit and when my mom finishes, she laces her fingers under her chin and says, "So tell me about your boy problem, Akari."

Akari takes a deep breath. "Okay. Well. I became r-really good friends with this guy. We talked a lot and opened up to each other. I realized yesterday that I liked him because it bothered me that this other girl was all over him being flirty. Like all over him."

My mom nods and Akari moves past this part of the story. But clearly that part is ingrained in her mind. I guess I can't blame her. 'All over him' is a pretty accurate description.

"So, I texted him and said I wanted to talk. I was going to confess. But…he never responded and showed up at school today with that other girl as his girlfriend. It hurts m-my feelings quite a lot…that he never responded."

"I see. That does sound hard. Tell me, what is this boy like?"

"It's Carsten, mom."

My mom raises her eyebrows and Akari looks at me with deep concern. I guess she didn't know my mom knew him.

"She is his physical therapist. Sorry, I should have mentioned that."

My mom smiles softly at her. "Akari, I won't tell him, don't worry. This is girls' night, right? It's all about saying things that the boys don't ever hear."

Akari smiles back and relaxes, "Okay. Thank you."

"It would really bother me too that he never responded in any way after you two have been texting each other so much. Makes me want to slap that boy."

Akari giggles, "That's basically what your daughter said. Though a l-little less violently."

My mom laughs, "Yes, she is gentler than me. She gets it from her father. Anyway, this does sound like a tough situation. Especially because you are all friends. You eat lunch together every day, right?"

"Yeah. I didn't go today b-because of it."

"Unfortunately, the only thing I can recommend is giving yourself some space and time. Missing lunch for a bit is probably a good idea. I know it stinks that you didn't get the guy, but you're a really pretty, sweet, talented girl." She winks at her. "And trust me, guys love the petite thing."

Akari blushes and giggles. My mom is pretty good at this, even when it isn't me.

"So, you just keep on being you, and eventually you'll find a guy. I'm sure of it. Don't let this make you think less of yourself."

Akari smiles at my mom, "Okay…thank you so much for all that. It helps me feel a bit b-better. Kayoko was right, you're good at this."

My mom smiles, "I'm glad I could help. Hey, would you two like some ice cream? I don't think it would really be girls' night unless we ate some."

I roll my eyes, "Mom, you'd use any excuse to eat ice cream."

"Oh? Does that mean you don't want any?"

"...no, I do."

"That's what I thought. Would you like any Akari?"

"Yes, please."

"I think we only have chocolate, is that good with you?"

Akari nods and my mom heads to the kitchen with a smile on her face.

When my mom leaves the room, Akari says, "Your mom is really amazing."

I smile, "She really is, isn't she?"

Akari asks, "Do you…think I can stay the night? I know it's short notice, b-but I really like it here. I'm more comfortable than I have been since school started. I feel like I can relax."

It breaks my heart a little to think that when Akari is at school and not playing her French horn, she is constantly anxious. Even in her dorm room.

I smile at her, "Sure. A slumber party would be nice. I am pretty sure my mom will be okay with it but let me check."

When my mom returns with the ice cream, I ask "Mom, can Akari stay over tonight?"

My mom looks a little surprised but says "Sure. But where will you girls sleep?"

"I dunno. We could share my bed, or Akari could sleep on the couch. Whatever she wants to do."

"Yeah, we can share. B-but if it's too last minute, I understand."

Mom replies, "No, it's fine. You have your medications and things like that?"

"I just have a m-monthly injection, so I'm good there. I um…might need to borrow some clothes, though."

"Oh, that's no problem. I think we are close enough in size, I have some stuff you could wear."

"Okay, thank you."

We enjoy our ice cream mostly in silence. When we finish, my mom gets some pajamas for Akari and then says, "Well, girls. It has been a nice night. But I need to get to bed."

Akari stands up and gingerly walks over to my mother before hugging her. My mother hugs her back with a smile on her face.

"Th-thank you for everything tonight, Mrs…Emi. You welcomed me here, made dinner for me, talked with me about my problems, you're letting me stay when I sprung it on you and you…even gave me s-some of your clothes. I r-really appreciate all of it."

"It's no problem. I quite enjoyed having you. You're welcome here any time, okay?"

Akari nods, and she is sniffling slightly. It is a pretty cute sight overall. I'm glad she feels better about Carsten, but it almost feels like getting to come here and feel more at home and less anxious is having the biggest impact on her mood.

Eventually they break the hug, and my mom comes to hug me too before saying, "Okay, goodnight girls." Then she wags her finger and in a mock strict tone says, "Don't stay up too late!"

We head to my room and change into our pajamas before settling into the bed. I have a double bed, so there's plenty of room. Especially because she's small.

As I continue to think about how difficult things are for Akari, I come up with an idea.

"I'm glad to see you loosen up so much here. I will have to ask my mom, but I think she will agree, if you ever really need a break from campus, you can stay here a night to recharge your batteries."

"Thank you. You and your mom are like the nicest people ever."

I laugh, "I don't know about that."

Suddenly, Akari's phone buzzes. She picks it up and furrows her brow.

"Is that who I think it is?"

"Yeah. He said 'Sorry for not responding to this sooner. D-do you still want to meet up and talk?'"

"Well…at least he responded…eventually, I guess."

"What do I say?"

"Hmm…if I were you, I'd be tempted to ignore it for about 24 hours."

"That's not a bad idea. I was thinking m-maybe just a one-word response of 'No.' might be good too."

"Yeah, either of those sounds good. You could even do both. Wait 24 hours and then only one word."

She smiles. "Ooo, yeah - that's what I'll d-do."

She puts her phone down.

"I do think you'll probably need to stop texting him so much for a while, until you feel better about stuff."

She nods, "Yeah…I kind of figured that was included when your mom said distance." Her voice gets quiet and sad. "S-seems like he doesn't really want to text me anymore anyway, with Ai in the picture...It's gonna be hard. We talked for a while m-most evenings. It really helped."

"You can always text me if you want to talk."

"That's true." She sighs. "I don't know what I'm going to do about lunch. I don't really want to go back to eating alone. B-but I also don't want to be there with them. Maybe if they weren't all over each other it would be okay…"

"Yeah, I get what you mean. You and I could go off and eat together for a little while."

"No, I don't want you to s-stop being friends with them or anything. I will figure something out."

"Okay, that sounds like a plan." I yawn and roll over to turn off the light on my nightstand. "I guess we should go to bed."

"Yeah probably. I'm pretty tired too. Hey, Kayoko?"

"Hm?"

"You're my best friend. Really…my first b-best friend. You've really done a lot for me and if you're ever having a hard time let me know, okay? I w-want to be here for you, too."

"I was just thinking that I had a new best friend, too." I roll back over to face her. "I'll tell you about my boy problems. You'll keep a secret, right?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Well…the guy I confessed to? It was Daisuke. I guess you sort of met him, he was the other guy who helped me the day we ran into each other."

"Oh. He's the m-music teacher's son, right?"

"Right. So, he's sort of like my big brother. I've known him my whole life. But I ended up falling for him…he helped me a lot after my dad passed."

"Yeah, I can s-see that, he's pretty cute."

"He is. Well, it turned out he's gay. Which I didn't know, obviously. He isn't exactly 'out' so that's the part you shouldn't tell anyone. Carsten knows he rejected me, but not all the details."

"That must have been tough."

"It was. On top of everything I felt stupid for not knowing and reading the situation so wrong. I…really thought he liked me, because he helps me so much and is so sweet to me. I confessed the day I hurt my ankle because he was there and helped me. He held my hand through the pain and let me rest in his dorm room. I…was so sure that he liked me when that happened. But he did it because he sees me as a little sister. I should have known that. I mean, before I started to have romantic feelings for him, I saw him as a big brother."

Akari says, "I don't think you should feel s-stupid. This stuff is hard. I mean, it turns out he does love you, just like family. I guess that line is hard to see sometimes. I think if I was in your position, I would have thought he liked m-me too."

"Yeah? Thanks. That makes me feel better. I also feel some guilt because it seems kind of messed up for me to be so upset because he's gay."

"Well, you aren't upset because he's gay, right? You're upset b-because you wanted to be with him, and you c-can't."

"Yeah, that's true. Anyway, in the end, I asked for some space and time, and he gave it to me. But now, I miss him. I think I'm ready for him to be a big part of my life again."

"Yeah, I guess I get that n-now that I'm going through sort of the same thing. I'm going to miss Carsten. How long did it take you to feel like you're ready to be friends with him again?"

"It's been almost a month."

"How did you know you were ready?"

"Just hearing you talk about Carsten tonight, mostly. I could tell that my feelings for Daisuke aren't nearly as raw as they were. I think I'll text him now."

"You should. What are you going to say?"

I get my phone and type out the text, reading it to Akari as I go. "'Hey. I just wanted you to know that I've had enough space and time, and I'm ready for us to be friends again.' How does that sound?

"Sounds good to me."

"Okay." I hit send. "I feel very relieved sending that. Thanks for helping me figure that out."

"I'm happy to return the favor. It has b-been…a really great night. Goodnight Kayoko"

Chapter Text

It's lunchtime and I've really been looking forward to it all morning. I'm going to spend some time with Daisuke for the first time since my confession. I was a little worried he wouldn't be so forgiving. But he's really nice and he loves me like family, so I shouldn't have doubted him.

I initially invited Akari to have lunch with me and Daisuke somewhere, thinking it would keep her from being alone at lunch, but she said she really didn't want me to just ditch Carsten and Ai like that, so instead Daisuke will be joining the three of us in the usual spot.

Thankfully, his presence will mean that I don't have to be alone with the handsiest couple on the planet. Right now, Ai is all but sitting in Carsten's lap and she is feeding him. They both look blissfully happy, which is the only reason I put up with it.

Just as I am trying my best to survive being around them, I see Daisuke and Kaito. I am relieved to see them. It might be another couple, but something tells me they aren't going to be like these two.

I get up and wave and walk towards them. When we meet, I hug Daisuke and he hugs me back. This feels so nice. I think I still have a little flicker of my feelings for him somewhere deep down, but I mostly just feel like I'm hugging a family member. Distance and time did what it was supposed to.

I notice Kaito is smiling. I imagine he knows everything. Which is a little embarrassing. But he looks happy that we are hugging, so I guess that's okay.

I say, "I'm really glad you two are here. Mostly because I missed you, but also because Carsten and his girlfriend are…challenging to be around on my own."

Daisuke looks over in the grass and sees what I'm talking about and can't help but laugh.

I realize Kaito doesn't know what's going on, so I explain, "So, my friend Carsten's girlfriend, Ai, is sitting almost on top of him and they are feeding each other."

Kaito chuckles, "So they are one of those couples?"

"They are so far. They are pretty new, so I am cutting them some slack. But it is a bit awkward being around them on my own."

Kaito nods, "I can understand why."

We walk over to where they are and sit down.

Carsten sees Daisuke and says, "Oh, hey Daisuke. It's been a while."

"It has. Nice to see you. Who is your lovely girlfriend?"

"This is Ai." Ai waves.

"Nice to meet you. This is Kaito, my boyfriend."

Oh. He's telling people now.

Carsten raises his eyebrows in surprise. He knows I confessed to Daisuke, so it makes sense he wasn't expecting that. To Ai's credit, she doesn't really respond as if Kaito and Daisuke being together is anything strange.

She says, "Nice to meet you, Kaito and Daisuke"

Then Carsten says, "Yeah, nice to meet you."

Kaito responds, "You too, Carsten and Ai."

Before long the two love birds are back doing what they were doing, and once it's clear they aren't paying attention I turn to Daisuke.

"So, you are telling people now? That's great!" Kaito smiles at me.

Daisuke nods. "Yeah…the thing with you made me realize I need to be open about it. If I had been…you wouldn't ever have gotten hurt. I did sort of think your parents had told you, but I shouldn't have just assumed. I also just needed to be open for myself…and for Kaito. But you gave me some extra motivation to do that."

Kaito laughs softly, "Yes, while I wish things hadn't become hard between you two, I am somewhat thankful that things led here." He reaches out for Daisuke's hand, and Daisuke gives it to him. "I have wanted to do things like this for quite a while." Then he whispers, "But don't worry. We aren't like them." He gestures towards Carsten and Ai with his head, making us all laugh.

"Well, while it wasn't exactly fun for me for a little while there, the fact it helped lead to this does make me feel a lot better. I'm really happy for you both."

Daisuke smiles, "Thanks. It's really nice to talk to you again."

"Yep, I missed this. I hope you know…I was never mad. At either of you. That isn't why I needed some space."

Kaito nods and Daisuke says, "We know. We never thought you were. We get why you needed some space. We've both been rejected before."

"Okay, good. So, summer vacation is almost here. You two have any plans?"

Kaito responds, "I'm going to Israel in two weeks. But other than that, nothing set in stone. We thought we might travel a bit. Unfortunately, once summer vacation is over things start getting intense for us, pretty much until graduation. Even the winter holidays will be spent studying. So, we kind of want to try to relax some, at least."

"Yeah…I am not looking forward to examination hell. I can only imagine how it must feel when it is right around the corner."

Daisuke winces. "Yeah. Not fun. Do you have any plans?"

"Yeah, we're going to spend a week with my mom's family in Sendai, and then a week with my dad's family in Chiba. They are all getting quite old, unfortunately, so we want to spend time with them while we can."

"Well, that will be nice. It sounds like you'll still have a couple weeks that will be more relaxing too."

"Yep, I am thankful for that. I know it isn't examination hell, but these last tests have been pretty stressful."

The bell rings for us to return to class.

"Well, it was really nice seeing you two again. We should hang out some more for sure."

Kaito says, "Yes, we'd like that."

Daisuke says. "Yep, agreed. See you later Kayoko." Then he turns towards Carsten and Ai. Carsten is carrying Ai back to her wheelchair as they look lovingly at one another. He chuckles softly and says, "Bye, lovebirds!"

I laugh and then walk towards my two classmates. Carsten says, "What did he mean by that?"

I quickly think of a way to explain this that won't upset them. "Well, you two are a new couple. And it's obvious. It's cute. I don't think he meant anything bad by it."

Ai says, "Yeah, it's fine. We are pretty lovey-dovey in public. Which we like. But people will definitely say stuff. Don't worry about it babe."

So at least she's aware of it and just doesn't care what other people think. Makes sense from what I know of her so far.

Carsten says, "I'm not worried. The prettiest girl in the whole school is my girlfriend. How am I supposed to not be lovey-dovey?"

Ai blushes, "Thank you, Carsten."

This whole exchange is equal parts cute and nauseating. But they're both happy, that's what matters.

I just woke up from a glorious nap.

Earlier today I finished my last test of the trimester and I feel more relaxed than I have in weeks. I have a week where I can do absolutely nothing before we go to Chiba. I'm pretty excited about that.

I am a little sad that most of my friends won't be around though. Daisuke and Kaito are leaving tomorrow on a little trip and Akari's parents are coming to get her tomorrow. Carsten and Ai will be here a little while longer. They couldn't bear to part just yet. I'm mean about it, but I guess it would kind of suck to leave your significant other for a month just a few weeks after you started dating.

Akari is coming over later for one of our mini-slumber parties since she's leaving tomorrow. I'm going to miss her the most. We've gotten very close over the last couple of months.

I go out in the living room and see that my mom is watching some Paralympic track and field on the TV. I think it's...the world championships or something. I have never done a very good job of getting into running, and I feel bad about it sometimes since my mom loves it so much. My dad really liked it too, though he wasn't quite as obsessed. But the fact that I knew I could never do it myself made it sort of hard for me to really get into watching it. Still, it is important to my mom. Especially because many of her students have competed over the years.

I stand behind her and through a yawn I say, "Anyone we know running today?"

She nods, "Yep. One of my former students is in the 100." She giggles. "You'll like that. It's the shortest one."

"I know that. I know smaller number means shorter. I'm not completely ignorant. Just…mostly."

She laughs before taking a more serious tone. "There's still a little while until the race, so I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay. Why so serious, though? I am trying to relax and enjoy my vacation. I don't know if I want to be serious."

"Well, because I think it's something important. Now that tests are over and summer vacation is here, are you planning on moving to the dorms in the fall?"

"Um…no, I don't think so. I think I still want to stay home."

She sighs and frowns, "Are you only staying at home because of me?"

Dammit.

"Wh-what? Why would you think that?"

"Because before we lost your dad you seemed excited about dorm life. When you changed your mind, I suspected it was because you didn't want me to be alone. At the time, I didn't say anything because…well, I think I did kind of need you here for a little while longer. But now I think you need to go."

"But-"

"Just let me finish. I don't want you to miss out on that just because you're worried about me. I'll be okay. I mean, we will still live really close to each other. It isn't like most of the kids at Yamaku, whose parents live far away."

"I just…I don't want you to be all alone in the evenings, mom. I hate imagining that."

"I'll be okay on my own, sweetie. I'm not completely helpless. Look, even if I am struggling, I can go hang out with Chisato and Mitsuru. If I am having a particularly hard day, I can even tell you and you can come stay for the night."

"B-but what about when you have your nightmare?"

She scoffs, "If that's your big concern, the nightmare is pretty predictable these days. You could just stay here on the nights around the anniversary."

She gets up and hugs me, "Look, sweetie. I love that you want to help me, but I really want you to experience the dorms. Your dad wanted it too. I think you should move there after summer vacation. I'm not going to make you. But I do think it's what will make you the happiest."

I do feel left out sometimes. I always have to come back home fairly early in the evening, when I could be spending more time with my friends. And I don't even stay into the evening that often because I feel bad for making my mom pick me up.

"Okay…you're right. I do want to live there. But you have to promise me you'll let me know when you need me to come stay here for a night or two."

She pulls back from the hug and smiles up at me. "I will. You do the same, you know. You're always welcome. Akari too. I'm not telling you to stay away or anything."

"Okay."

"What time will Akari be here, anyway?"

"I think pretty soon."

"She doesn't need a ride?"

"Nope. She wanted to walk. The girl likes to walk. For you relatively able-bodied people it's a pretty short walk, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." She crosses her arms. "'Relatively able-bodied,' huh?"

"Well, yeah. You two can walk up and down the hill without risking serious injury. Seems able-bodied to me."

She laughs. "Well, just remember that Akari and I have some struggles you don't. Like for example, how you happen to have legs. And how you didn't spend your childhood having surgeries."

I sigh, "Yes, I know. We all have different struggles. I didn't mean anything by it. I guess…I'm just a little jealous you two can do that walk. It seems like it would be really nice. But as you just pointed out, there are things you two envy about me."

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I get it out and see a text from Akari, "Speaking of which, she is walking this way now."

Not too much later Akari arrives at the door and I let her in.

I say, "Hey there. Happy summer vacation!"

She smiles and comes in and gives me a quick hug. "Yeah, a vacation is nice. K-kind of sucks that I'm leaving for a month, though."

"Yeah, but you'll be back. Won't it be nice to see your family?"

She nods. "Speaking of which, I wanted to see if you c-could meet them tomorrow."

"Yeah, that would be nice. I am free all day tomorrow. I mean…I would maybe like to sleep in, but I can make an exception."

"They probably won't be here until noon. Surely, you'll be up b-by then?"

I laugh, "Yeah. I think I can manage."

We walk into the living room where my mom is now standing and watching TV so intently that she doesn't even say hi to Akari. Her student must be running, or about to. I know better than to disturb her.

Akari looks kind of disappointed because my mom is usually so happy to see her. "Oh um…let's go to my room for now and put your stuff down."

Once we're in my room Akari says, "What w-was that about? She looked kind of scary."

I laugh, "She is kind of scary. She has a former student competing in a …big athletic event…thing. And she gets intense. The track coach version of my mom is a bit different than the one we know. It should be over quickly though. She was excited to see you, I promise."

"Oh, I see. I thought I sort of recognized her face. My d-dad is big into New Japan Pro Wrestling, and looks sort of the same when it's going on." She laughs, "Of course he doesn't actually know the competitors. And it isn't really a c-competition since the winners are predetermined, but the look of intensity is the s-same."

"So, your dad is a French horn playing fan of pro wrestling. Can't be that many of those. I'm now looking forward to meeting him even more tomorrow. What do your parents do, anyway? We haven't talked that much about them."

"They are both professors at the University of Tokyo. He is a history professor, specializing in medieval Europe. My m-mom is a Literature professor, specializing in 19th century English literature."

"Oh, that's really interesting. They must have both spent a lot of time in the West."

She nods, "They actually met at Cambridge when they were both getting their PhDs."

"Have you been over there?"

She frowns, "I...have. We went after my lupus went into remission. B-but my anxiety was bad and I didn't have very m-much fun."

We hear a knock on the door and my mom says, "Hey girls, I'm ready to be sociable now."

I open the door and we join my mom in the living room.

I ask, "How did your student do?"

"She did well. Made it to the last heat. No podium though."

I nod, pretending I know what all that means. Well, I do get the podium part. I think. The rest is a mystery. Akari seems to be following my lead.

"I know I usually cook for our girls' nights, but the track stuff threw me off. I was thinking of having something delivered. That okay with you two?"

"No, mom. You must cook. Now go get in the kitchen." I aggressively point in the direction of the kitchen.

She smirks at me, "So in a sarcastic way, you just said 'takeout is good' right?"

I nod.

"Obviously it's f-fine with me too."

"Good. I have a menu for that Chinese place we like somewhere."

We order our food and then we sit and chat in the living room.

"Did you tell her yet, Kayoko?"

"Tell her what?"

"Where you'll be living?"

"Oh. No." I turn to Akari. "I will be moving to the dorms in the Fall."

Akari smiles big and bounces a little on the couch, "That's awesome! I think the room across the hall from m-me is empty. It would be cool to be neighbors."

"It would! I will have to see if we can make that happen." I look at my mom hopefully.

She smirks. "Sweetie, I have worked at Yamaku for 30 years. Your dad worked there for 24. If I can't get you the dorm room you want, especially when it's unoccupied, I would be really disappointed in myself."

Akari squeaks and launches herself at me for a hug, causing me to grunt.

My mom looks at me with some concern for a moment, but I tell her I'm fine with my eyes.

My mom laughs, "Although before you can be neighbors, we may need to give Akari a training on how not to hurt my daughter."

I laugh, but Akari breaks our hug and looks embarrassed.

"S-sorry."

"Just try to be gentler to be safe. Whatever you think gentle is, go one step even more gentle."

Akari nods with a determined expression on her face. It will be interesting to see if she remembers this training in the excited moments when she hugs me like that.

My mom laughs, "Okay, you have passed your training. Well done. You two can officially be neighbors. Congratulations."

We chat for a while longer and eat dinner before my mom turns in early as usual. We watch TV for a little bit before turning in ourselves.

Once we're in bed, Akari says "I'm really excited to be neighbors. I think it will help me with my anxiety. In a-addition to it just being nice to see you more, of course."

"Yeah. I am excited too. I have wanted to live in the dorms for a long time. Since before I started going to Yamaku. But I was worried about leaving my mom alone."

"Oh…yeah, will she be okay?"

"She said she would be. But I made her promise she would tell me if she needed me. I'm…a little skeptical she will honor that. And worried. But I think she'll be okay."

"That's good. We can always just c-come visit her too."

"Yep. She made a point of saying we were always welcome."

"Um…I'm really glad I found you and your mom. You both make me feel…I dunno, part of the family. It has…" Her voice cracks. "It's been really important. Getting me through things. Especially after I had to stop t-texting Carsten." She laughs, "I guess I am glad I ran into you that day. I…don't know if I would have ever worked up the nerve to t-talk to anyone, if I didn't feel so guilty."

I laugh, "I guess I'm glad too then. It was probably worth being in a sling for a couple of weeks."

The next day I sleep in until 10, and Akari is already gone. My mom is at work, too. She works part of the day until we leave for Chiba. There are a few students who she sees that are still here, like Carsten.

I laze around the house for a while, before getting a text from Akari around 11.

"Can you meet at the Shanghai at noon? My parents want to eat there before we go."

Luckily the Shanghai is a place I can walk to. It's only a few minutes from the house and there's no hills or anything. It's a tea house that has been here forever. So long that my parents went there as students. It has changed ownership several times over the years, but it has always stayed open. It has even been remodeled several times.

I reply, "Yep. I will be there. See you soon."

...

An hour later, I set out for the Shanghai. When I get there, I notice Akari has texted me to say they are already inside.

When I go in, I see Akari right away and she waves to me. Her parents are currently seated with their backs to me.

I approach the table and her parents smile at me and get up. They are both very small people. Which isn't too surprising given the size of their daughter. I would go so far as to describe them both as 'mousey'. Her mother is only slightly taller than my mom, and she has black hair that is graying at the temples. Her father is a little taller and bald apart from the back of his head and his temples.

They are both dressed exactly how I would expect university professors to be. They both wear glasses with thick rims. Her father has on a blazer with leather patches on the elbows. It is hard to believe this man loves pro wrestling but looks can be deceiving I suppose. Her mother is wearing a black skirt, a white button down, and a black blazer.

"Mom, dad, this is Kayoko, she's my b-best friend."

I smile at them. "It's so nice to meet you both."

Her dad laughs and says in a surprisingly deep voice for a man his size, "So, she's real!"

His wife shoots him a glare and his facial expression becomes contrite instantly. I guess I know who the boss is here.

She says, "It is very nice to meet you too. We have heard a lot about you. Please, join us."

I sit down in the booth next to Akari who smiles at me. I smile back.

Her mother says, "It's so lovely that you two are friends. I understand your mother has been quite welcoming too. Will we have a chance to meet her?"

"Not today, unfortunately. She's at work. But I am sure you can meet her another time."

Her mother nods, "We would really like to thank you for looking after our daughter. I assume you know how hard things have been for our Akari. We're very happy she found a friend who has guided her through things. It can't have been easy for you."

I don't like how they're talking about her. It's like they can't believe I'm her friend. Her dad made a joke about it. Her mother is more subtle, but it's almost worse. It's like she thinks me befriending her is some immense act of kindness or some kind of burden. Still, I just met them. I shouldn't draw too many conclusions.

"You don't really need to thank me. I'm happy to be her friend. I like being around her. She's helped me a lot too. She's just a really great girl."

This seems to catch her parents somewhat off guard. They exchange a look and then look at me with a hint of surprise.

Ending the silence, Akari adds in a quiet, but sharp voice, "M-mom, this friendship isn't just her p-pitying me or…p-protecting me. Or t-taking care of me. Or whatever you seem t-to think. I…understand why y-you might think that…but…that's n-not how it is."

Okay, so she picked up on the same thing I did.

Both of her parents look at Akari as if they've never seen her before.

Eventually, her mother says, "Akari, you seem to have changed a lot since you came here. I think for the better."

Okay…not sure I love  that  either, because it makes it sound like you used to think she was a really flawed person.

I look at Akari, who looks too exasperated to say anything.

Then I say, "Well. I do think she has gotten more confident. But I think she's always been great. Even when I first met her and she was struggling with adjusting to things."

Akari smiles at me. Her parents exchange another look and then look at me like I'm speaking Martian.

Eventually her mother says, "Well, of course. She has always been lovely. She just hasn't always been able to show people that. We are very happy she is better able to do that now."

Okay, I think that's a more acceptable thing for her to say. I feel like I had to guide her here though.

From here, the conversation thankfully becomes less tense. Me, Akari, and her father spend some time talking about music, and I can see that the shared hobby between Akari and her dad has made them close, as they really light up when discussing it together. It's probably the warmest thing I saw between Akari and her parents during the whole lunch. Her mom never seemed anything more than cold and distant. It came off as very strange to me.

Eventually, it becomes time for them to go. Akari gives me a noticeably gentler hug goodbye and I tell them to have a nice vacation.

When I get back to the house, I notice I have a text from Akari that says,

"Sorry about them. Especially my mom. They think I'm weak because of my anxiety."

I reply, "Yeah. I picked up on that. It annoyed me. I hope I wasn't too rude."

"You weren't. You handled my mom better than me or my dad can. Anyway, have a nice vacation! Keep in touch."

After a couple more nice days of sleeping in and lazing around the house, I find that I'm actually pretty bored. Just as I'm trying to decide what I should do with my day, I get a text from Carsten that says,

"Hey, you're still here, right? Do you want to hang out this evening with me and Ai?"

I wouldn't mind seeing them. But I'm a little worried about being alone with them and it getting awkward. Oh well, they are my friends. I should give it a try.

I reply, "Sure, what did you have in mind?"

He says, "I'm making dinner, we're eating in my dorm."

I reply, "That sounds like a date for just you two. Are you sure you want me to come?"

He says, "Yeah. Ai says she wants to get to know you better."

Oh. Well, that's nice. I guess we don't know each other all that well, even though I have come to think of her as a friend.

"Okay, I'll be there."

...

When I knock on the door to Carsten's room, Ai opens the door, and she smiles up at me. "Hey Kayoko, come on in. Carsten is off cooking."

I do as she says, and I take a seat at the desk and she positions herself across from me.

"So, things are going pretty well between you two, I take it?"

She blushes bright red and looks embarrassed, "Yeah. Really great. He's…he's just amazing. I'm kind of sad I'm leaving in a few days. I'm going to miss him a lot."

"Yeah, I can imagine that wouldn't be very much fun. But you two can stay in touch and you'll be back before you know it, right?"

She nods, "Yeah. That's the plan. I just want to thank you again, for helping us."

"Did I really do that much?"

She starts fiddling with her braid. "More than you think. Talking to you about it before I made a move was really important. I was…really nervous about it. I know I come off as some experienced flirt. That's kind of what I try to make people think. But Carsten's my first boyfriend. I was really scared to put myself out there. But you made me feel better about it."

I smile at her, "Well, I'm glad to help. I'm just glad you are both so happy together. It's nice to see."

She smiles at me, "Thanks."

"Watching you that day was impressive. Even more impressive if you were nervous the whole time. Didn't seem like you'd never had a boyfriend before."

"Impressive?"

"Yeah. You really knew how to flirt just the right amount. He knew you liked him after that lunch."

She laughs, "Well thank you. I was nervous the whole time. But it was surprisingly easy. Every little thing I did, he responded in a way that made it easy for me to keep going."

"Yeah, he was certainly receptive, wasn't he? I was taking mental notes. I…don't really seem to know how to act around a guy I like. I get nervous too but instead of being all cute and flirty I just end up stuttering and being scared."

She giggles "Well, I hope observing me helped then. Is there a guy you like right now?"

"Not really. I confessed to a guy a few months ago, it didn't go so well. That's the extent of my romantic experience. I like the idea of having a boyfriend though."

She nods, "I'm sure you'll find one. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Are we…too much sometimes? Me and Carsten. Be honest."

"Honest, huh?"

She nods, while I try to think of a way to say this that won't hurt anyone's feelings.

"Well, I do feel uncomfortable sometimes. When it's just the three of us and you two are being all romantic and stuff. I'm glad you guys are so happy, though. So, I can deal with it."

She nods, "I guess that makes sense. We…probably should tone it down when we're in public. Is that why Akari stopped coming to lunch?"

Oh shit. I was kind of wondering if they were too in love to notice that Akari disappeared for the last few weeks. Guess not.

"No, I don't think so. She fell far behind in some of her classes and had to make up for it by not coming to lunch. I think after summer vacation it will be back to the four of us."

I think that sounded pretty good for something I made up on the fly.

Just as it looks like Ai is going to ask a follow up question, Carsten knocks on the door. I get up and let him in. "Hey Kayoko! Glad you could make it."

He puts the food down on his desk and gives Ai a quick kiss. I recognize some chicken, but the rest of the food looks alien to me. It's…some kind of pasta, or something? I'm sure it's something German. I have certainly encountered some interesting international cuisine since I came to Yamaku.

Carsten sees me looking at the food with curiosity and he says, "It's spaetzle."

Is that supposed to clear things up for me?

He laughs at the confused look on my face, "They are basically really tiny dumplings."

"It does smell good." I giggle. "Just don't ask me to say that word."

Ai giggles and tries to say it herself. Carsten nods as if she said it correctly, but it didn't quite sound the same coming from her. I guess her boyfriend is German, so she should probably make the effort.

We sit down to eat and talk about our summer plans. And, to their credit, the two of them aren't overly affectionate for the rest of the evening. I guess maybe they had a talk about this already, given that Ai asked me my opinion about the situation.

"Alright, my mom's here to pick me up. Thanks for inviting me you two. It was a lot of fun."

Ai responds, "It was. Thanks for coming. Hey, Kayoko, can I have your number? I'd like to stay in touch over the break."

"Yeah, that would be nice." After we're done exchanging numbers I say, "Well, you two have a nice rest of your night, and a nice vacation if I don't see you."

Chapter Text

I'm packing in my room. Tomorrow, we are going to Chiba, then coming back here for a week, then going to Sendai. I'm glad it's broken up like that. Back-to-back weeks would be rough. We don't really see my dad's parents in Chiba very often, so I'm especially looking forward to that.

Just as I'm looking at two different skirts and deciding which one I want to bring to Chiba, my phone vibrates. It's a text from Ai. I haven't heard from her since we exchanged numbers. When I open her message, it stresses me out. It simply says,

"Does Akari like Carsten?"

No 'Hello, how are you' or any other pleasant greeting. I…don't know how I'm supposed to answer this. This must have been what she wanted to ask me the other night. I would not have handled this well in person. I'm going to need some advice, luckily my mom is pretty good at this kind of thing.

I come out of my room and go to my mom's bedroom, where she's packing. She's zipping her running blades away in a special case when I walk in.

"Hey…mom? What do you think I should do about this text?" I hand her my phone.

She smirks. "I take it this is that other girl? The one who was 'all over' Carsten?"

I laugh, "Yeah, that's her. We're friends."

"It looks like this is the first text she has ever sent you."

"Yeah, it is. I guess this question is one that is really burning in her mind or something."

"Well, I don't know what to say to her. Partly because I'm not sure I know the answer to the question. Does Akari still like him?"

"I guess I don't know. She still hasn't come back to lunch, but it has been about a week since the end of the trimester."

My mom hands my phone back to me. "Maybe talk to Akari about it?"

"Oh. Yeah. That's a good idea. I guess I'm a little worried about stressing her out. But…if I'm going to answer this question, she should probably have a say in how I do it."

My mom nods. "Go call her. Don't forget to finish packing, though!"

"Yeah, yeah. I won't."

I go back to my room and call Akari. We've texted a lot since she left but haven't talked on the phone. I know it makes her more nervous. But this is the kind of thing that I think needs to be talked out. She picks up after a couple of rings and sounds very upbeat.

"Hey Kayoko."

"Hi, Akari, how are you?"

"I'm g-good. I was about to call you. Carsten just texted me and said we could hang out at some point over the break, since we're both in T-tokyo."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah…I haven't responded yet."

"This is really weird, because Ai just texted me asking me if you like Carsten."

"Wh-what did you s-say?"

"I didn't say anything. I was calling to see what I should say. Do you still like Carsten?"

She sighs and sounds considerably less energetic than she did a minute ago., "I w-would have said n-no before today. But I was r-really excited when he texted me. It h-has been...s-so long since he texted me.  So…I think I still d-do. I thought m-maybe they broke up and that's why he w-wanted to see me. Guess that was s-stupid, huh?"

"No. I don't think so. Like you told me about my most recent romantic failure, this kind of thing is hard. He likes you as a friend obviously. I think if I really liked a guy, and he told me he wanted to meet up over break I would have thought the same thing."

"Yeah. I thought I was doing w-well with the situation before he texted me. I hadn't even b-been thinking about him. Now it's like…back to square one. Why do I still like him? I haven't t-talked to him in weeks."

"I wish I could say. I'm sorry. I'd give you a nice hug if I could. I guess we need to figure out how we're both going to respond."

She sighs, "Yeah. I wonder why they t-texted at the same time?"

"Hmm. Maybe he told her he was thinking of hanging out with you, and that made her worry that you might like him."

"Yeah, that makes sense I g-guess. Why would she be worried, though?"

I laugh, "I think it means she sees you as a potential rival."

She laughs softly, "Th-that makes me feel kind of good. Weirdly."

"It should. You're super pretty, she knows it."

I swear I can hear Akari blush over the phone. "Thanks. But I would never t-try to take him if they're together."

"I know. But Ai doesn't know that."

She laughs, "This has been a funny c-conversation. I felt really good, then r-really bad. Now I feel pretty good again."

I laugh. "Well, what matters is how you end up feeling. What do you want me to tell her?"

She sighs. "I guess…tell her no. But I'm also n-not going to hang out with Carsten."

"That makes sense. Keep the distance going. It seems like it is working."

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks a lot Kayoko. Miss you."

"Miss you too, bye."

I open the text from Ai and start to reply. I think if I just outright said "no" it might sound more like the lie that it is. Instead, I go with, "Not that I know of." Not long after, I get a reply of, "Okay, thanks." I guess I'll assume that means she bought it.

We've just arrived at my grandma and grandpa's house in Chiba after a long train ride. This is the first time we will see them since they visited us for a couple of weeks after my dad died. My grandma greets us at the door with big smiles and warm hugs. Apparently, grandpa is taking a nap.

They are both in their 80s and retired now. We join my grandma in the living room, and she invites me to sit next to her on the couch, so I do.

"It's lovely to see you both. We're glad you could make it." She looks at me as if she's appraising me.

"My, Kayochan, you've become a woman since I last saw you, haven't you?"

"Um…"

My mom giggles, "Yes, she has. She's got quite the figure now, doesn't she?"

"MOM!"

It's true, I guess. I was a bit of a late bloomer. I have grown a lot in the last year and a half, both in height and in…other places. But it is still awkward to talk about it. I guess we're all women at least.

My grandma smiles and puts a hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry I embarrassed you. I merely meant to say you've grown up a lot. And you look beautiful."

"Thank you. How have you been doing grandma?"

She breaks eye contact with me and looks down before she says "Oh…pretty well." There is very clearly a hint of sadness in her voice.

My mom says, "That's…a surprisingly vague answer…and not very convincing. Is everything okay?"

My grandma looks at my mom and her stoic face falters slightly as she shifts her eyes back to the ground. "Mostly. My husband is having a harder time getting around. His lower back is really bothering him. That's why he's resting now. We will have to move soon, I think."

The bedrooms at my grandparents' house are all upstairs.

My mom says, "He's having a hard time with the stairs?"

She nods.

"Well, we could get you one of those stair lifts. He would just sit in it, and it would take him up and down."

"We've thought about that. But we think it's probably time to move. This is just too much house now. Hard for us to keep up with it. "

My mom sits down next to my grandma and grabs her hand, they smile at each other. "I'm sorry. You two have lived here for 60 years, haven't you?"

She nods.

"That must be hard." My mom glances at me for a moment for some reason. "Would you consider moving closer to us? We'd love to be able to help you and see you more. We really miss you two."

My grandma doesn't look as happy to hear this as I expected.

"I don't know, dear. You…already have so much on your plate. We don't want to be a burden."

My mom starts to tear up. "But…you two could never be a burden to me, okay? I love you both. As much as my own parents. If I can do anything to help, I'm happy to. I want to take care of you two, okay? Hisao and I talked about this, and we always wanted you to come live near us when you were ready. I…I know he isn't here anymore, but that doesn't change this. It's still what I want."

I add, "It's what I want too, grandma."

My grandma starts crying, and my mom hugs her. "Th-thank you. We didn't know what to do. We felt very lost. Your grandpa will be happy to hear this too."

"I wish you had told me about this sooner. I could have done something before you felt like this."

My grandma frowns, "I'm sorry dear. When…when we last saw you, you were still having such a hard time…"

We video chat with them every week, but the last they saw my mom in person she had only recently pulled herself back together and it was barely working. Probably hard for them to forget that.

My mom starts to tear up and moves closer to my grandma, "I…understand why you thought that...and why you weren't sure you should tell me about this. I wasn't in a very good place for a little while. But I'm doing much better now."

My grandma smiles and puts a hand on my mom's cheek. "Yes, I can see that. You look wonderful."

"Thank you. Just tell me about these things from now on, okay? If you need help." My mom gestures towards me and back to herself. "We're your family and we love you. We want to do everything we can for you."

My grandma nods and looks at both of us and says, "I love you too. I won't hide things from you anymore, now that I know you're doing better."

My mom smiles. "Good. Now, can we stop with the emotional stuff and just talk about Kayoko's figure?"

All three of us giggle. Even me.

Then we hear a voice from the stairwell, "What's all the giggling about?"

This just makes us giggle more.

It takes my grandpa awhile to get down the stairs, but at least that means he is being careful. I have to be extra careful on stairs too so I can relate.

Once he's down the stairs I go over and give him a hug. He reminds me so much of my dad. Especially his eyes and his hair and how he hugs me. It makes me not want to let go.

He smiles at me, "Well, this is a nice way to say hello." I just nod while I continue to hug him. Eventually I feel my mom hovering behind me, and I release him. She gives him a similarly long hug. I'm sure she feels the same as me about his hug being dad-like.

He laughs, "It's not that I don't like long hugs, but did something happen while I was sleeping?"

My grandma says, "They invited us to come live near them. So, that's what we'll be doing."

My grandpa smiles, "Oh? And I didn't even get to be part of the decision?"

My mom, who is still hugging him says, "Oh, hush up. You know you want to live closer to us."

He laughs, "You're right about that. Thank you, Emi."

...

After that, we make dinner for them. It's my mom's delicious sesame soba stir fry, and now we are all sitting down to dinner.

While we are eating my grandma says, "You made this for us the first night we met you, didn't you?"

My mom laughs. "I did. It was Hisao's favorite, so he thought it was what I should go with that day."

My grandpa says, "It's still just as good now as it was then."

My mom smiles, "Thank you. I hope if you become our neighbors in town, I will be cooking a lot for you."

My grandparents both look pleased with that suggestion. I think having them over for dinner a lot will be nice.

My grandma smirks, "Emi, do you remember when we first met?"

"Of course." She points towards the kitchen, "It was right over there."

My grandma smiles mischievously, "Do you remember how...polite and formal you were?"

My mom turns bright red in an instant and she bows her head in embarrassment while my grandma laughs.

"Wait, you? Polite and formal? She's talking about you, mom!?"

Without looking up, my mom says, "Yes. She is talking about me. But for the last 23 years I thought she didn't notice it had happened. Or at least…I hoped she didn't."

I look around at people's faces for answers, and I'm not getting any, so I throw up my arms and say, "Okay, I'm lost."

My grandma laughs, "When I first met your mother, she was very stiff and formal. Offered me refreshments in my own home like I was at a restaurant."

I look at my mom, dumbfounded, "What?!"

My mom is still too embarrassed to look up. She says, "I was nervous, okay! And that happened...for some reason." She pokes at me. "You try meeting the parents of the man you love before you judge."

We all laugh at my mom's expense.

My mom sighs and wrings her hands together, "Luckily, when you went upstairs Hisao pointed out that I was being weird, and I fixed it."

My grandma laughs, "Yes, it was almost like I was meeting a completely different woman after my bath." She smiles. "I liked the second one better."

My mom blushes and looks up, "Thank you. That whole visit was…really great. One of the best Christmases. Maybe the best."

My grandpa smiles, "That's how we remember it too."

We're riding the train back home after a very nice week with my dad's parents. My mom is already brainstorming the logistics of having them move nearby.

"Kayoko, you plan on going away to university, right?"

"Um…yeah. I guess so. What, are you ready to get rid of me already?"

She laughs, "Of course not, sweetie. I was just thinking it probably makes more sense for them to rent for now, and then once you've moved out, they could move in with me."

"You know, I guess they could even move in now, with me moving into the dorms."

My mom thinks about this for a second and then scrunches up her face and shakes her head, "I kind of don't think they will go for that. They have been independent for so long. I think having them move to town first will be better and then once they want to, they can move in with me. And anyway, I don't really want to make you give up your room until you move out entirely."

I nod, "Yeah, that makes sense."

I smile at her and lean into her a little bit. "You're doing a really good job with them. I think Dad would be really happy."

She smiles back, "Thank you sweetie. I hope so."

Suddenly I think of something. "Hey, what's the plan for your mom and Sho?"

She frowns, "I had tunnel vision and hadn't thought of that. When we go visit them next week, I guess we should probably sort that out."

I'm at home, and there's a few days before we go to Sendai.

My mom got in contact with a real estate agent as soon as we got back, and she is already working hard to find a place close to ours for my grandparents.

It is also now official that I will be living in the dorms in the fall, and my room has been assigned to me.

Most of my friends are still out of town, but Daisuke is back from his trip with Kaito so we're going to go and check out my dorm room and grab a bite to eat.

While I'm getting ready, my phone rings. I expect it to be Akari, who I talk with on the phone almost every day these days, but to my surprise it is Ai. She hasn't said anything to me since asking me about Akari.

I pick the call up, "Hey, Ai. How are you?"

"Hi Kayoko, um…I'm not doing great. I haven't heard from Carsten in a while, do you know anything about that?"

I get worried enough that I sit down on my bed. "No, I don't. That's not good."

"That's what I thought. Earlier he said he was going to do karaoke with some of his friends, but I haven't heard anything since.

"Wait…what did you mean by 'awhile'?"

"About 4 hours."

I breathe a sigh of relief and put my hand on my forehead. "Jeez, Ai. You really had me worried. I thought it had been days or something."

She sounds dejected. "Oh…sorry. He just usually doesn't go so long without talking to me."

"Well if he is out with friends maybe he's just busy, or maybe his phone died."

She doesn't sound convinced. "Yeah…maybe."

"You sound really worried about this and it seems pretty small. Why?"

She sighs, "I dunno. I miss him a lot. I know he misses me too. But…I'm worried, I guess, when he is out this long without talking to me. Worried…he met someone…or something."

"Ai, we're talking about Carsten. First, he would never cheat on any girl. I'm sure about that. Second, he's absolutely crazy about you."

She still doesn't sound convinced. "Yeah…I guess so."

"Come on, Ai. You must trust him more than that. He's a good guy."

"I…I do trust him. I just…oh, never mind."

"I'm happy to talk to you about this. But if you don't want to, that's okay too."

She sighs and is silent for several seconds and then says, "I'm worried I'm…not good enough."

"Why would you think that? He didn't say something did he?! Does he need a talking to?"

"No. Nothing like that. I just…" After pausing for a moment, a torrent of words comes spilling out of her mouth at breakneck speed. "I worry he will decide he doesn't want to be with me. That the wheelchair thing is too much. That he'll find a girl just as pretty and fun as me who doesn't need one. A girl who is just as mobile as he is and won't hold him back."

"Well, I guess I understand being worried about that some. I guess if I had a boyfriend, I might find myself worried about similar things, since there's lots of stuff I can't do. But I will say that I can't imagine Carsten being a guy who dumps you for being in a wheelchair. Can you?"

"No…I guess not."

"I know I have absolutely no experience in this, so maybe take what I say with a grain of salt, but I think you should talk to him about this. Tell him you're self-conscious about it. I think he can probably relate some, with his leg. He'll understand. I think you'll feel a lot better. And then maybe you won't call me and give me a heart attack if you haven't heard from him for a few hours."

She laughs for the first time in this conversation, "How do you know so much about this stuff?"

I laugh, "I'm not sure I do. Maybe just seeing how my mom and dad were? That's really the only thing I can think of. I don't know."

"You are so level-headed about these things. You would be way better at being a girlfriend than me."

I giggle, "Well, I think the fact that I'm outside the situation makes it easier. If I ever have a boyfriend, I can imagine staying calm would be a bit harder. Maybe then you'll give me some level-headed advice."

She laughs, "Maybe. Well, you made me feel a lot better about stuff. I do need to tell him this. It is a problem I have. Being self-conscious about my disability. He should know. Thanks a lot, Kayoko."

"Hey, no problem. By the way, you do know you can text or call me about non-Carsten stuff too, right?"

"Ugh, is that really all I ever talk to you about?"

I laugh, "Pretty much, yeah."

"I'm sorry. I guess I am just so wrapped up in it, and I know you know him really well…I will try to be a better friend than that. Kind of sounds like I'm using you…and I don't want to do that. I like you as a friend beyond the Carsten stuff, promise."

I laugh, "I believe you. Well, I've gotta go. Good luck."

"Okay, thanks a ton, Kayoko. Bye."

...

I'm in the girls' dorms at Yamaku, standing in front of a door that I think is mine.

"This is it, right?"

Daisuke answers, "Yep, that's the right room number. And that's Akari's across the hall, isn't it?"

"Yep. Okay, well, here we go."

I put the key in the lock and open the door before entering my dorm room. Obviously, it doesn't have any decorations right now, or even bedding, so it's a barren place. But I still find myself walking into the room and smiling and looking around in silence for a few seconds. It has a bed and a desk, and the back wall is all shelving. I'm imagining how I'll decorate it, what my clothes will look like in the closet, what I'll put on all the shelves. What furniture I might want. I also spend a bit of time imagining how nice it might be to have a boy in here with me some day. It will be so nice to be right across from Akari, too.

I'm brought out of the moment by a very rude Daisuke who sticks his head in and laughs at me and then says, "Yep, looks like a Yamaku dorm room."

I glare at him, "Excuse me. This is my first dorm room. The first time I'll be living on my own. Let me be happy about it, please."

He laughs and comes in the room the rest of the way and puts his arm around my shoulders, "You're right, I'm sorry. It is pretty cool. I remember being excited too."

"Yeah, see? I'm not all old and jaded like you."

He laughs, "It will be nice having you on campus. It'll be easier for us to hang out."

I nod, "Yeah. That's one thing I really missed this first trimester. Having to go home early while everyone who lived here was still hanging out and stuff. I…am worried about my mom, though."

"Yeah, I know. It must be tough. But your mom is incredibly strong, and she'll be okay. I also know my parents are already planning on inviting her over more for dinner and stuff."

"Really? That's good. I'm going to go stay with her maybe once a week still too. Or whenever she says she might need me."

"See? It sounds like we've got it figured out. She'll have enough support and you can live here."

I smile at him, "Yeah. You're right."

He smiles back, "Of course I am. Should we go get something to eat? The cafeteria will be closed soon if we don't hurry."

"Yeah, let's go."

We leave my room and I take one last look at it before locking the door.

...

We barely make it to the cafeteria in time, but we do manage to get something resembling a decent dinner before they close. Now we're sitting in the cafeteria. We're the only ones here.

"So where did you and Kaito end up going?"

"We went up north, to Hokkaido. We stayed at a nice little cottage in the wilderness. It was great. Romantic too."

"That does sound nice. It must be nice traveling with your boyfriend like that."

He smiles, "It really is."

"How long have you two been together?"

He thinks about it for a moment and then says, "Almost two years."

Wow. I did not realize it was that long.

I do my best to conceal my surprise.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to, it's kind of personal…"

He laughs, "Okay, now you're making me nervous, just ask."

"Why did you keep it a secret for so long? I mean, about Kaito."

He fidgets in his seat for a few seconds and pokes at his food, "I don't know. I mean…I do know, but it's going to sound stupid. I was just worried people would see me differently. When we first became a couple, Kaito felt the same way. He was especially worried about his parents."

I nod, "That makes sense. I guess you had to keep it a secret for him."

He sighs, "Yeah, that's how it started. But he told his parents about a year ago, and they were okay with it. But…I still wasn't ready. I guess…I guess I was sort of ashamed? Which I know is stupid, in this day and age… but it was still hard. People are more accepting these days, sure. But you're still looked at differently if you're gay. I didn't want to deal with it. It was hard. It's…still kind of hard. But I'm doing better, obviously."

"I don't think it's stupid. Having people look at you like you're 'not normal' can be tough. When I'm hurt, I get a lot of looks for being so young and needing a wheelchair or a cane."

He grimaces. "Yeah...I guess I shouldn't be complaining about this to someone who has dealt with it their whole life, huh?"

"Oh, I wasn't saying I have it worse. I was saying I can relate. It's the same thing, isn't it? I have a disability. It's part of who I am. Just like you loving Kaito is part of who you are. People are going to view us as different because of who we are. And it sucks."

He smiles at me, "Yeah. I guess that's true. I…am still sorry I didn't tell you. I really should have. You're important to me. That's...that's why I wanted you to meet Kaito. But then, me not telling you led to-"

"Daisuke, don't worry about it. I'm okay now. It was just a little speed bump for us. It doesn't matter now."

He nods and smiles. "Okay."

I check the time, "Well, I better call my mom to come get me, so I don't keep her up too late." I smile at him, "Luckily I won't have to be saying that too much longer."

...

When I got home from Yamaku, I have a text message from Carsten.

"Hey Kayoko, I hope you are having a nice vacation. Ai talked to me about what was bothering her and told me that you helped her. Thank you, you're a really great friend to us both."

I replied, "No problem. I quite like that girl, you know. If you break her heart you will have to answer to me. I might dislocate my wrist punching you, but it will hurt, I promise!"

He texts, "Hey, not fair. I was your friend first. What if she breaks my heart?"

I reply, "Don't worry, she'd have to answer to me too. But hopefully no hearts get broken. And my wrist doesn't get dislocated."

He sent, "Haha, good, just making sure. And yes, I hope no one gets hurt. I really love her. That's what being away from her has really made me realize."

I reply, "Aw, that's sweet. 'Distance makes the heart grow fonder,' as they say."

Then he texts, "Yeah, I guess so. Well, it will be nice to be back at school soon. Looking forward to seeing everyone."

I reply, "Yep! I'm looking forward to it too."

We're in the car on our way to Sendai. We'll be there most of the rest of the summer holidays. My mom isn't normally someone who gets very stressed. I guess maybe running helps with that, but I can tell she is feeling it now. She is clutching the steering wheel much more tightly than she needs to be and she looks lost in thought with a very worried expression on her face.

"Mom? Do you want to talk about anything?"

She sighs, "It's that obvious, huh? I was trying to hide it."

"Yeah, sorry."

"Well, it didn't really sink in until you said something about it on the way back from Chiba. I'm just realizing I'm really alone in caring for my mom, Sho, and your dad's parents as they get older. It's all happening at once, too. Your dad's parents need to move to a smaller house near us, then my mom's dementia…Why didn't any of them have more kids?" She laughs wryly.

"Yeah. That is a lot. I'll help as much as I can. Which I guess…isn't all that much. Sorry."

She smiles at me, "You're a big help, sweetie. You help with my morale a ton. I'm going to have to have a serious talk with my mom and Sho during this visit. We're going to have to figure out how they envision things going. I know it's stressful and stuff, and you don't have to do it, but I think you being there will help everyone."

"I'm happy to do that…but how would I help?"

"Well, I know your support will make me feel better. And I know my mom and Sho adore you, so I imagine it's the same for them."

"Okay, if you say so."

Our visit in Sendai has been really nice. We got to spend lots of time with my grandma and Sho. We had a new gravestone made for my grandpa, went for some nice walks, and my mom and Sho made lots of good food.

It is hard seeing how much worse my grandma's dementia has gotten though. She's still mostly herself, but she has a moment of confusion at least once during most lengthy conversations now. It's now our last night here, and my mom has put off the serious talk until now. We've all just finished a great meal and we're in a good mood. Which was my mom's plan.

My mom says, "We're really sorry we'll be leaving tomorrow. It has been a really nice visit."

My grandma smiles, "Yes, it has been lovely." She takes a moment to smile extra wide at me.

"So, I know this isn't really something any of us want to discuss. But we need to. Do you two know where you want to live? In the future, I mean."

My grandma's face shifts to one confusion, "…where we want to live?" She outstretches her arms. "Here."

Sho grabs my grandma's hand, and she smiles at him, "Meiko, I think she means as we get older."

My mom nods, "Hisao's parents have reached the point where they can't live in their house anymore. They are going to come live near us in town within the next few months. So…it got me thinking about you two."

My grandma crosses her arms and looks frustrated, maybe even offended. "I…I know I'm having some problems with my memory, dear. But I don't think we need to move any time soon."

Sho smiles at my grandma and softly says, "That might be true. But we still need to think about the day we might need to move. Don't you think?"

He is so good with her. They are so in love. It's a nice thing to see. But it also makes me sad because it's how my mom and dad should have been one day.

My grandma uncrosses her arms and sighs, "Well, I suppose when the time comes, we would want to come live near you, like the Nakais. But I don't think it will be soon."

Sho adds, "I do agree with her." He smiles at my grandma, "I'm going to do my best to care for you as long as I can. And stay here as long as we can. I think that will be for several more years at least."

Sho is a retired nurse and almost 10 years younger than my grandma, so he's probably right. I hope he is, at least.

To everyone's surprise, and especially Sho's, my grandma grabs him by the collar and with surprising force she pulls him into a long, romantic kiss. Me and my mom avert our eyes once we realize how long it is going and we smile when our eyes meet. My grandma has always been bold when it comes to this kind of thing, but her dementia probably played a role in this brazen public display of affection. Still, it's pretty cute.

Eventually, the kiss is over and Sho looks very embarrassed, but there's more than a hint of satisfaction on his face. My grandma looks at him lovingly. I can't help but giggle at the sight. This draws my grandma's attention, and she smiles at me.

"Oh. You two are still here?"

We all burst into laughter. Based on the sharpness with which she said it, and the perfect comedic timing, she is making a joke about her dementia and knew we were here all along.

Once we come down from our laughter my mom says, "Okay. Well, this all sounds good. You two, just please, tell me if you need help, okay? Hisao's parents probably waited a little too long…and I don't want that to happen with you two."

Sho nods, "We will."

My mom nods and then looks at her mother expectantly, making her scoff, roll her eyes, and unenthusiastically say "I promise I will too."

Chapter Text

The fall trimester starts in two days. Akari, Carsten, and Ai all got back earlier today. Right now, Akari, my mom, and Daisuke are helping me move. It might seem like a lot of help for moving into a dorm room, but I can't really do any of the carrying. I could have asked Carsten and Ai to help too, but that would probably be overkill and I imagine they want to be alone since they are reuniting after so long.

Daisuke, my mom, and I are in my room boxing up some things I want to bring to my dorm.

My mom and Daisuke are dealing with the books, while I'm getting clothes and décor I want to bring with me.

My mom just finished packing a box and says, "Goodness. You sure want to bring a lot of books." She laughs, "Your father would be proud."

I laugh, "Well you know, it is school, mom. Books are kind of important."

She smirks at me, "Excuse me, little girl. Was that a shot at your mother?"

"I dunno, was it? How many books did you have in your Yamaku dorm room?"

Daisuke does his best to suppress a laugh, but my mom still glares at him and crosses her arms.

"Okay, I get it, you two. I wasn't the most industrious student at Yamaku, it's true. But I managed to do enough to graduate and get into a university, where I was far more studious. So cut me a little slack. Otherwise, Daisuke is going to be tasked with packing and carrying all the books."

We both laugh at her. I pat her on the shoulders. "I'm just teasing you, mom. You're every bit as smart as all us nerds."

She sticks her tongue out at me and says, "You got that right."

...

We park in the Yamaku faculty lot, where Akari is waiting with a big smile on her face. When I get out of the car, she hugs me very gently despite being incredibly excited. I guess she took my mom's 'training' to heart.

"I'm g-glad I'm back, and I'm r-really glad you're going to be my neighbor."

I pat her on the head and say "Me too."

When Daisuke gets out of the car, she looks at him a little nervously, and at first, I don't know why. Then I realize they haven't formally met. Between Akari leaving our group lunches to get some space from Carsten and me getting the space I needed from Daisuke, they never had the chance. Although they were both there last time I dislocated my elbow.

"Akari, this is Daisuke. Daisuke, this is Akari."

"H-hi D-daisuke, it's nice to m-me-"

Daisuke hugs Akari, rendering her silent and he says, "Thanks for being such a good friend to her." I guess he figured out that she really helped me through stuff when I was getting over him.

"N-no p-problem."

My mother is starting to get impatient. "So, are we going to stand around here talking and hugging all afternoon, or are we going to move Kayoko?" While she tries to play it off as a joke, she sounds genuinely irritated.

It's enough for Akari and Daisuke to immediately get to work. The three of them each get a box, and I lead the way, opening doors for them. Unfortunately, this is the most I can do. I can unpack the boxes once they are in my room, but I can't carry them very safely.

Once we've gotten everything up to the room, which takes three trips, we all take a rest. Me, my mom, and Akari sit down on the bed, while Daisuke sits at the desk.

My mom seems to be testing how comfortable the bed is by bouncing up and down a little bit. Then she says, "You know, you all are lucky these new dorm halls are so much more spacious. Back in my day the rooms were about half this size, the beds were tiny even for me and we had to use communal showers. One bathroom for the whole floor."

I quip, "Man, the 1950s sound like they were really hard." Akari and Daisuke both burst out laughing.

This earns me a hard poke in the ribs, "You sure are enjoying teasing your mother today, aren't you?"

I wrap my arms around my mom, surprising her. "I'm gonna miss you, mom. I guess I'm just making fun of you to cope."

My mom removes her finger from my ribs and hugs me back, "I'll miss you too sweetie. I'm sorry if I've been a bit…cranky today. I think that's how I've been coping. But we'll still see each other a lot. I'm glad you're doing this."

She looks at Daisuke and Akari and says, "Can you two give us a minute?" The two of them step out into the hall, and I think I even hear Akari invite Daisuke into her room. That's impressive for her.

Once they're gone, my mom stands up and opens the box that has my bedding in it and pulls out something soft and fluffy. She holds it out to me and says, "I snuck this into this box. Do you know what this is?"

I nod, "I-It's one of the capybaras that dad got you when you were still dating."

She smiles and briefly hugs it to her chest before holding it out to me, "That's right. I wanted you to have this one."

This surprises me because she wouldn't even let me play with them when I was little. I got my own capybara at the zoo, but I never liked it as much as the two she wouldn't let me touch.

"A-are you sure?"

She nods, and she gets choked up. "I'm sure. I thought it would be…a n-nice way to have both me and your d-dad here with you. And I have the other one at home. S-so when we get in bed at night, even though we're not together, we c-can think of each other." She's crying softly now.

It's really sappy and even kind of silly, but I know the gesture means a lot. And I know we're really going to miss each other. So that's okay.

I take the capybara and hug it, and I start crying too. After we both cry for a bit, my mom pulls herself together and says,

"Hey, you're getting him all wet with your tears. I know real capybaras like the water, but these don't do so well with it."

I laugh, "Thank you mom. Remember to call me if you need me, okay?"

She nods, "I will. You do the same. Now, I should get going. You have fun with your friends."

We hug again, and my mom leaves. It's a little bit scary. I've never lived somewhere without her. But…it's also exciting.

I wipe away my tears, cross the hallway and knock on Akari's door. She answers and I see Daisuke sitting at her desk. He looks very out of place in the pink nightmare that is Akari's room.

"Daisuke, you're free to go." I laugh. "Thank you for your help. Tell Kaito I said hi."

He gets up and hugs me and says "I'm glad you'll be living here. It was nice to meet you, Akari. I hope to see more of you."

She nods and Daisuke leaves.

"Well, do you want to help me unpack?"

She nods enthusiastically, and we go about really making it into my dorm room.

...

We finished unpacking, and then ordered some food with some extra money my mom gave me for that purpose. We just finished eating, and I'm looking around the room with pride. It feels like home. My books are all on the shelves, my clothes are in the closet, and the bed is made. I could use some more decorations. Right now I have just have a few posters from home. But I'll think about that later.

Akari is admiring the capybara on the bed, and she asks, "This is really c-cute but…what is it? It is from a m-manga?"

I laugh, "Nope. That's a real animal, believe it or not. A capybara. My mom really likes them. My dad gave it to her. And she gave it to me today."

Akari smiles, "That's really nice." She wrings her hands for a moment. "If you ever m-miss him and want t-to talk about it, l-let me know."

I guess I haven't really told her much about that whole situation. She knows he passed away, but that's about it. Me and my mom have mostly had each other for those moments, but since I won't be at home anymore, I probably will need to talk to Akari about it at some point.

I smile, "Okay, I will let you know. I am sure it will happen at some point, so thank you."

She smiles and nods at me.

"So… I was thinking of maybe hanging out with Ai and Carsten tomorrow. I thought I would invite them to see my room. They have stopped being so…handsy in public. How are you feeling about that situation?"

"I think I'm okay. I thought I would be back at l-lunches."

"Do you want to try to feel things out tomorrow? You can always escape to your room if it isn't going well."

She thinks for a moment and then smiles, "Yeah, that's probably a g-good idea. I hope it goes well. I'd like to be friends with them."

The next morning, I get up and decide to take a shower. There is one that I share with Akari and two other girls, and the other two girls aren't back yet, so I thought I would take advantage. This building is new, so the shower is surprisingly nice. It has great water pressure and is quite large. I grimace when imagining having to use a communal shower like my mom mentioned yesterday. While this one is communal, we can lock the door when we're inside, so we don't have to worry about anything awkward.

After I finish taking my shower, I open the door and grab my towel. As I step out of the shower, I slip on the slick floor and fall forward, landing on my chest and right elbow. I wince, expecting the worst. The impact hurts my breasts, but the fact I can even feel pain that minor means I didn't dislocate anything. It's a good thing too, because I locked the door and would have been stuck in here completely naked. I would have had to call for help and then wait for the dorm keeper to come and open the door. That would have really sucked on the first morning I'm here.

I'm still not completely out of the woods yet, either. I need to carefully get myself up without falling. I take things very slowly and manage to get upright. I wrap myself in my one towel and wrap another one around my hair. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. It startles me so much I almost fall again.

"K-kayoko? Are you okay? I th-thought I heard s-something."

I open the door with a frown on my face to find a very concerned and sleepy-looking Akari wearing bright pink pajamas.

"Yeah, I fell. Somehow, I didn't get hurt though. Thanks for checking on me."

"Oh…that's g-good."

When I walk into my room, I realize I'm more than a little bit shaken. My legs are wobbly. I have to sit down on my bed the moment I'm close enough. I feel tears starting to well up inside of me. I didn't even know I was this upset. I guess now that the moment has really passed, I'm processing things.

Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should call my mom and move back home. Maybe I can't do this.

Akari sees this and follows me in and closes the door.

I can't do this.

"A-are you sure you're okay?"

I can't do this.

"Yeah I'm not…hurt. B-but that was scary."

I can't do this.

"It f-feels like that was a warning. I need to be more careful."

I can't do this.

Akari sits down next to me on the bed. I turn to her while a few tears fall down my cheeks. My chest hurts a little, every muscle in my body is tense, and I'm somehow out of breath.

I can't do this.

"I've n-never been alone when I got hurt. My mom, or dad, or s-someone has always been there. I guess I just r-realized how scary that would b-be."

I can't do this.

Akari sees how upset I am and hugs me. I feel a bit awkward about it at first since I have nothing but a towel on, and I can see she feels awkward about it too. But then she settles into the hug, and I do too. It's helping a little.

I can't do this.

Then she says, "W-well, at least it was j-just a warning. We should think of how to make it safer."

She's right. I need to channel my energy towards that right now or I might really freak out. I'm on the verge of completely unraveling and asking my mom to come get me.

I take a deep breath and think through everything. "I g-guess I can't lock the door. And I should m-make sure you're here and awake every time, if that's okay."

I can do this.

Akari smiles, "Y-yeah of course. I will be on shower duty."

I can do this.

"Hmm…should get some bathmats to put down to make it less slick too."

I can do this.

Akari nods. "I b-bet your mom can bring s-some s-soon."

I can do this.

"I just need to be more cautious too, especially because I don't have my braces on for the shower. I normally am very intentional with how I move, but this shower is new to me, and I need to learn the best way for me to get in and out of it."

I can do this.

Akari says, "Yeah, maybe we should do some practice?"

I can do this.

I exhale and finally feel my body relax. I hug Akari tighter.

"Thank you so much for this, Akari. I was…really, really scared for a minute there. Like, on the verge of a panic attack, I think. You reeled me back in."

She lets go of me and smiles up at me. "Yeah, I thought so. I-I've b-been there. I'm glad you feel better."

She gets up and heads towards the door and smiles sort of bashfully. I guess because of our more intimate than normal hug. She says, "I'll l-let you get dressed now."

"You girls sure like to decorate your dorm rooms, don't you?"

Carsten and Ai have just stepped in to see my dorm room.

Ai laughs at Carsten's silly statement, "Yeah, sorry we don't just leave the walls barren. We like to have a little bit of character in our rooms."

Ai rolls herself towards me while rolling her eyes at her boyfriend. She looks up at me and says, "Hey can you um…sit down, or bend over? I want to hug you, and don't just want to hug your crotch." She giggles. "Might get a little weird."

I feel a little flustered by her request but I sit down on my bed and we hug each other.

"Thank you for your help over the break."

"You're welcome. I'm glad I helped."

Just as we finish hugging, I hear Akari's door open and she somewhat gingerly steps into my room and she says, "H-hey everyone."

Carsten, who is examining some of my books, turns around and says, "Hey Akari, it's been a while." He approaches her and gives her a quick hug, which she returns.

"Y-yeah, the end of l-last trimester w-was rough. B-but you should see more of me n-now. I'll b-be at lunch."

Luckily, I filled her in on the lie I used to explain her absence.

Ai smiles and says, "Hey, that's great. I haven't really gotten to know you, and I've heard good stuff about you, so I'm excited."

I see Akari's face falter ever so slightly, with a tiny glimpse of what might have been anger. But I think I'm the only one who noticed. Then she smiles and says, "Y-yeah. I want to get to know you too."

Carsten says, "Well, we should probably get to bed. Gotta get some good rest before we start school again tomorrow."

The way he phrased this makes me want to ask a few questions, but I manage to keep them to myself. I look at Akari, who has a fake smile plastered to her face. She must be wondering the same thing.

Ai says, "Yep, we'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well you two."

"Okay, see you later."

Akari adds, "Y-yeah, s-sleep well."

Carsten and Ai leave, and once we hear them get in the elevator, Akari closes the door and exhales before looking at me with a sad expression. I guess she still isn't completely over Carsten.

"D-do you think th-they are s-sleeping together?"

"I don't know for sure. But…probably? Many couples our age do, and based on how physical they are, and what they just said…"

She sits down on my bed, and looks down at the ground, defeated. "Wh-why am I like this? I do f-fine when I stay away…but when he h-hugged me, it reminded me how c-close we used to be...b-before...her..."

I sit down next to her. She's tried so hard to get over him. It just isn't working. I say, "Well…you must really love him."

These words cause her to start crying softly. I hug her and say, "I wish I could do something, Akari. This sucks for you. I won't have them over here again."

She dries her tears and pushes me away softly. "No."

"No?"

"I…I can do this. I'm g-going to be at lunch, I'm g-going to spend time with them. Distance isn't working. M-maybe I just h-have to get used t-to them. M-maybe seeing them together a-all the t-time…it will get through to me. F-fake it until I make it."

I nod, "Okay. You're right. It's worth trying."

She nods with a determined grin, "Plus, I want to have l-lunch with you."

I smile, "Yeah, I would like that, and honestly I think they would too. You can always vent to me about it, of course."

"Yeah…I am sure I will need to."

Chapter Text

It's the first day of a new trimester, and already things are off to an interesting start.

"Welcome back everyone. I hope you had nice summer holidays. Now that we're in a new trimester, I thought we would change things up a bit. So, I have a new seating chart. This way you can get to know some of your classmates you might not have talked with much last trimester."

Ms. Hamada's announcement is met with sighs from about half the class.

"Oh, come on you guys, it isn't that bad."

Once she has rearranged us, I find that I am indeed sitting near people I have rarely or never spoken to. Although, somehow, Carsten and Ai are sitting close to each other. Did they pay her off, or what?

Anyway, my new desk mates are Hiroshi and Sakura. Hiroshi is a tall, fit guy with light brown hair and brown eyes. He's quiet and kind of broody. He only has a right arm. He's on the track team with my mom. I've kind of had a crush on him since the first day of class. At least, I remember thinking 'Yep, he's definitely the cutest guy in here.' I have admired him from afar, so I don't hate the idea of getting to know him better. Unfortunately, he does have a girlfriend. But I am okay with just admiring him from a little closer.

Sakura is kind of the opposite in most ways. She is short and a little chubby. She has shoulder length hair that is bright pink, and she talks non-stop. We are going to make for an interesting trio, I think.

"Okay, well, let's just dive right in with our first group activity with your new desk mates."

And apparently, we're going to find out how interesting a group we are right now.

"Okay, so each person in your group is going to take one of the three laws of thermodynamics and learn it yourself, and then teach it the other two." She laughs when some students look at her in an accusatory fashion. "I know it sounds like I'm having you teach each other so I don't have to do it myself…and I kind of am. But there's a reason. Some of you will find you learn better from teaching it yourself, while others learn better from being taught. This way, I am giving you all a chance to learn in the best way. Once you're all done, we'll talk about it together to make sure everyone understands."

I have a vague recollection of my dad telling me about the different modes of learning and doing exercises like this one. This is probably something he did. Which makes me smile.

Sakura notices my smile and says, "Wow you must be excited about this. You always do seem pretty brainy."

"Um…thank you? I do like science, so yeah."

We each did our part, but in the end neither of my partners did a very good job and I had to help them.

Once the bell rings, Hiroshi says, "Hey, you seem really good at this. I understood that better than I have pretty much anything in here. Science is my worst subject. Can I have your number? In case I have any questions?"

I feel my face flush. Please tell me he can't tell.  Stay cool, Nakai.

"Y-yeah, sure. You can call or t-text me if you have any questions."

He's looking at me expectantly, why is he doing that? Is he…checking me out? It's only making me blush more.

He smiles and says, "Um…yeah. That's the plan. But you have to give me your number first."

Oh. My. God. Why am I so bad at this?

I force a giggle. "Oh, yeah. Okay. Here, I'll share it w-with your phone."

He flashes me his amazing smile again and says, "Great, thanks. Have a good one." He gets up and leaves.

"Y-yeah…you too."

To my horror, Ai and Carsten are waiting for me and have been watching this whole exchange. If I could turn any redder, I certainly did.

Ai especially is smiling wide with a twinkle in her eye.

I get up and walk towards them, ashamed.

Ai says, "So uh…you like him, huh?"

"Um…can we please wait to talk about this until once we get out to the quad? I've reached a critical mass of embarrassment and I need it to go down a little."

…

Once we get out there, I sit down next to Akari, and Ai has Carsten put her down next to me. Then she sort of shoos him away out of earshot. I guess this is girl talk.

Ai smiles and says. "If you still don't want to talk about this, we don't have to."

Akari says, "T-talk about what?"

I sigh. "I just made a complete fool of myself talking to a guy I think is cute."

Ai says, "Oh come on. It wasn't that bad."

"Really? He asked for my number and I turned bright red, told him I would give it to him, and I was so nervous that I proceeded to forget to actually give it to him."

Akari says, "W-well at least he w-wanted your number."

"Yeah…that's true. I kind of forgot about that amidst all the embarrassment. But he also only did it because he wants help with science. I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend anyway."

Ai says, "Oh, come on. I saw it. He just used the science thing as cover to get your number."

"How do you know that?"

"Okay fine, I don't. But I think it's a likely possibility."

Akari nods, "I w-wasn't there, but it sounds very p-possible to me too."

I've been so embarrassed and caught up in my own stuff that I overlooked how seamlessly Akari is taking part in this conversation. She looked so upset yesterday after seeing Carsten and Ai, but she's basically talking to Ai right now and you would never know that. Fake it until you make it indeed.

"Okay fine it's possible. But the girlfriend thing makes it a lot less possible."

Akari and Ai, say, at the exact same time, "Are you sure he has a girlfriend?"

This makes all three of us giggle. Carsten meanwhile is observing the conversation with a smile on his face that gets a lot bigger when we giggle. He probably wants all three of us to be friends, I guess.

"I'm not sure, I guess. He had one last trimester, that's for sure."

Akari asks "Wh-who is she?"

"Um…a second-year girl on the track team. She's blonde. I don't know her name."

Akari says, "T-track team? Y-you could ask y-your mom."

Ai looks confused so I explain, "My mom is the track teacher."

"Ohhhhh. Then yeah, Akari is right. Get your mom to gather some intel."

"Yeah…not a bad idea in theory. I feel kinda icky about that, though. Not sure my mom will love it either."

Ai and Akari both look a little ashamed for suggesting it.

"Hey, it was a good idea. I'll think about it. But I'm only going to ask if it feels necessary. I don't have to do it right now. I'll wait and see what happens with him. Plus, I may just see them together and not need to ask anyway."

Akari says, "Y-yeah, that's a good p-plan."

Ai says, "Agreed." She turns to Carsten, "Okay, boy, you can come hang out with us again."

He laughs and comes and sits next to Ai. "So…what's the verdict?"

In a very silly mechanical voice Ai says, "I'm sorry, we can't discuss the proceedings of Girl Talk with a boy."

This makes both me and Akari laugh. I look at Akari and it seems to be genuine. Maybe if she sees that Ai is more than the girl who threw herself at Carsten, she'll feel better about things.

"Fine, fine. We need to get some more guys in this group. Where's Daisuke when I need him?"

I laugh, "He's only a sometimes-member of this lunch group."

Ai says, "Speaking of Daisuke, seems you have a type, huh, Kayoko? Tall, dark, and fit."

I blush and look down. She isn't wrong. But I don't really know how to respond. I never told her about Daisuke. I guess Carsten did. I shouldn't be too surprised, but I wish she didn't know.

When Akari sees my reaction, any good feelings she was feeling towards Ai evaporate in an instant.

Her voice gets sharp, and forceful, as she says, "She d-doesn't want to t-talk about that!"

Ai looks surprised by Akari's reaction, but then sees my face and says, "Oh. I'm sorry, Kayoko. Really."

"It's okay. I didn't know you knew about that. It just surprised me. I do…kind of have a type I guess."

Carsten says, "I'm sorry, Kayoko…should I not have told her?"

"No, it's fine. It wasn't some big secret, I guess. I don't like him anymore, but I'm still a little embarrassed about the whole thing."

Ai curses at herself and seems truly remorseful when she says, "I'm an idiot…sorry. Bringing up anyone like that without knowing how you felt was dumb of me. Especially because I didn't hear about it from you."

I smile at her. "Thanks. Apology accepted. Anyway, I will keep you two updated about Hiroshi." I laugh, "I'll let you two know if more meetings are required."

I look at Akari and she seems back to how she was before Ai embarrassed me. I think she must be satisfied with the apology.

The bell rings and we all head back to class.

Akari and I are hanging out in my room after our first day back in band, talking about the music we played today. My mom is going to bring by some bath mats I asked for after track practice.

"My mom will be here soon. Um…I didn't tell her that I fell. I don't want her to worry."

Akari nods, "I w-won't say anything."

It's a good thing I said something because seconds later there's a knock on my door. Akari gets up and opens it and my smiling mother steps through.

"Hello girls. I see you're enjoying the dorm room."

She puts the bathmats down on the bed and gives Akari a hug before giving me one. She sits down on my bed.

"So, how was the first day back?"

"It was good. We are really excited about some of the music we'll be performing in a few months."

"Oh yeah? That will be the first performance for you two. I'm looking forward to it."

She turns to me and says, "I have some interesting news for you."

"What?"

"One of my track students asked me about you today."

Akari gets a big smile on her face, but I'm too dumbfounded to do anything but be flustered.

My mom continues. "His name's Hiroshi, you are in the same class, right?"

Oh my God. Maybe he does like me.

"Um..y-yeah. Wh-what did he ask?"

"If I was your mom."

I deflate significantly.

"Oh."

"What do you mean 'oh'?"

"I mean, I dunno. I thought maybe it was something else."

My mom laughs, "Like what? 'Hey, is your daughter single?' or 'Hey, is your daughter into tall guys?' I think him being curious about it at all probably means something."

"He did get my number today."

My mom smiles. "Well, then it definitely means something."

Akari looks at me, urging me to ask a certain question with her eyes. She's right, my mom brought this up so I shouldn't feel too bad about this.

"Um…do you know if he's single? Last I knew he had a girlfriend."

"I don't know for sure, but the girl he was with doesn't go to school here anymore."

Akari giggles, making my mom laugh. "So, I'm guessing from the reactions you two are having, that you like him?"

"I think he's really cute. I'd like to get to know him better. But yeah, I definitely…could like him. I sit near him in class now, and he wants me to help him with science.

My mom smiles, "Well, good luck with that. It does sound promising. I'll let you know if I hear anything about him being single for sure." She winks at me.

My mom stands up, "Well, you probably don't need an old lady cramping your style any more tonight. Have a good evening you too."

"You too, mom. Love you."

She smiles, "Love you too, sweetie."

Once my mom leaves Akari squeals, "I think he liiiiikes y-you!"

"It certainly sounds more likely now, doesn't it?"

"That's all you have to s-say?"

I laugh, "I'm still in shock, I think. I…I really hope he does like me. I think he's like…the most attractive guy in our whole year, so yeah. I'm in shock."

"Well, he d-does like you, okay! D-do we need to get Ai in here for a meeting?"

I laugh, "You sure you want her here?"

Her face looks conflicted, "W-well, I wasn't really s-serious about getting her right now." She grimaces. "She's probably…doing stuff with Carsten anyway." She pauses for a moment. "But…seeing her today as a normal person and not m-making out in f-front of me was…different. I can tell she really cares about you and Carsten so…I guess I'm okay with her."

I smile at her, "That's really good. I know it was hard. You really impressed me today. Especially because you got on her when she deserved it but didn't go too far."

She scoffs, "I c-couldn't believe the Daisuke thing. Especially once you said you d-didn't tell her. I may have…th-thought about slapping her. Briefly. But…she really did feel bad, and you f-forgave her, so I can too."

I laugh, "Thank you for not slapping her."

She smirks, "It t-took some serious self-control, so I will say 'You're welcome' even if you are being s-sarcastic."

A few nights later, Akari and I are hanging out in her room working on school stuff. It's about 9 p.m. and we're studying for the science test tomorrow. The pinkness of her room is intense. But we always spend time in my room, and I didn't think that was fair to her.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket, and when I pull it out, I see I have a text from Hiroshi and I feel my heart jump into my throat. He's been sort of flirty with me in class the last few days, at least according to Ai, but he hadn't contacted me yet. Akari notices that I'm staring at my phone and looks up from her worksheet.

She smirks and says. "Is th-that from…him?"

I nod and then read the text out loud,

"Hey Kayoko, I'm having a hard time with that first law of thermodynamics. Can you explain the equation to me?"

Akari smiles mischievously, "I bet you can explain it, c-can't you?"

I feel myself shaking slightly, "Yeah, I can. It's late though so it's not like we can go to the library. He probably wants me to call him. Obviously, I can't explain it through text."

I type out my reply, reading it out loud to Akari, "Yeah, I can do that. Do you want me to call you?"

He responds almost immediately, and I share that with Akari too, "Maybe. I learn better in person though. Can I come by your room?"

I find myself shaking even more now. My first instinct is…yes, I absolutely want him to come by my room. But I'm hesitating. I don't know if this means what I think it does. And if it does mean what I think it does, I don't know if he's single yet.

Akari looks surprised, "W-wow. He definitely likes y-you."

"I don't know. It is still just him asking for help studying."

"Y-yeah, maybe that's all it is. Either way, it gives you a chance to s-spend time with him alone and maybe figure out if he's single."

I nod, "That's true. I guess it's worth it no matter what. I am really nervous. I wish I was better at this."

Akari smiles at me, "Well, you've been all nervous w-with him this whole week haven't you? And he s-seems to still like you."

I smile at her, "Yeah…yeah, I guess that would be true, if he does like me. Okay, I'm going to tell him he can come by."

I send him my room number and tell him he can come by, and Akari practically pushes me out the door as soon as I do.

She smiles at me as I'm about to go into my dorm room, "I hope it goes well. I'll be w-waiting for a report."

"I will let you know. Oh…uh, can I borrow your desk chair? That way we can both sit at my desk." Without saying a word Akari pushes the desk chair into my room for me.

She winks at me and says, "See you soon," as she goes out my door and back to her room.

I look in the mirror and make sure I look good. I straighten out my hair some and my outfit looks pretty good. I'm wearing some jeans and a white peasant top blouse that shows just a little bit of skin around my collarbone, I think it looks nice. I take a deep breath. I don't know if I've ever been this nervous.

Before long there's a knock on the door. When I open it I see Hiroshi with a big smile on his face and our science textbook in his hand. He looks incredible, as he always does.

"Hey, c-come on in."

"Hey Kayoko, thanks for helping. I just can't figure this out."

"Yeah, no p-problem."

Did my voice seriously just crack?

"Here, we can look at it on my desk."

He sits down at the desk and opens his textbook to the page about the first law of thermodynamics. I sit down next to him. The chairs have to be pretty close together because the desk is so small, so we're surprisingly close to each other. He smells really good, like he put on cologne or something. It's kind of intoxicating. I can feel the warmth his body is putting off too.

I'm showing him what each of the different symbols in the equation for the first law of thermodynamics mean and trying my best to explain it to him without using too much scientific jargon. I have my head tilted to the side so that I can keep an eye on him to see if he understands, while I also write things out. Before long, I notice he is watching me intently. Not what I'm writing but me.

I look at him, about to ask what he's doing, and suddenly his hand brushes my hair out of my face, and he looks at me really closely. I feel like my heart is about to burst out of my chest.

He says, "You're really beautiful." And in the next instant his lips are mine. This is my first kiss, and it is wonderful. His hand is still on the side of my face, his lips are pressed against mine. Before I know what I'm doing, I put down the pen that I'm still holding and wrap my arms around him, pulling our chairs even closer together. He moves his arm to my lower back and firmly pulls me closer to him. Having part of our bodies pressed together while our lips are too is an amazing feeling.

Suddenly, I feel his tongue thrust between my lips and the shock snaps me out of it. I'm…not ready for this. He isn't my boyfriend. I don't even know for sure if he's single. What am I doing?

I pull my mouth away from him and he says, "What's wrong?"

"I'm n-not ready."

He smirks and says, "You seem pretty ready to me," before trying to kiss me again. I don't let him.

He sighs in frustration.

"I'm sorry. I like you. But I don't w-want to do any more than we just did y-yet."

"Why? I like you too."

"D-do you still have a girlfriend?"

He looks at the ground and doesn't answer.

I'm a horrible person.

I pull my arms back and shift the chair so I can move away from him. "Um…I think you should leave."

"Are you sure? I just want to kiss you some more. We don't have to go farther. I really like kissing you."

I want to let him kiss me more. He's so handsome. And he thinks I'm beautiful. But I can't.

"You…have a girlfriend. So…y-yes, I'm sure. You need to go."

He gets his things and leaves with an irritated expression on his face, while I sit in the desk chair feeling horrible.

I'm so stupid. Why did I think it was a good idea to have him in my room? Why did I let him kiss me? Why did I kiss him back?

I get in my bed and start crying softly.

That was my first kiss? With a guy who is cheating on his girlfriend?

I hear a knock on the door.

An excited Akari says, "I-it's me. I just wanted to see how it went."

"It's…open."

Akari could clearly tell I was upset from my voice, because she comes in and softly shuts the door behind herself and has a concerned look on her face.

She sees me lying in bed crying.

"Wh-what happened?"

"He…he kissed me. And I kissed him back. B-but he has a girlfriend."

Akari sits on the end of the bed and crosses her arms. "What an asshole."

"I-it's not just his fault, though. I…I didn't check first."

"Well, you said he k-kissed you first, right?"

"Y-yeah…"

"So yeah, it is all his fault."

"Y-yeah, but I kissed him back."

"Well okay, but it sounds like you also stopped it and asked if he had a girlfriend."

"I did."

"Stop blaming y-yourself. It's all his fault. You did the right thing, Kayoko."

"It doesn't feel like it. I…I feel horrible. My first kiss was with a guy cheating on his g-girlfriend. That will always be m-my first kiss. I w-wanted it to be with someone who cared about me. And…and that will always be it instead. H-he doesn't care about me. He j-just wanted to sleep with me or something. He thought I w-was the kind of girl he could do that with, even if he had a g-girlfriend." I start crying more intensely.

Akari gets in the bed with me and snuggles me from behind. It isn't something we've done before, but it is comforting.

"I'm really sorry Kayoko. Is there anything I can do?"

"I d-don't think so. I'll be okay eventually…I think I just n-need to cry about it. Crying helps sometimes."

"Do you want me to go?"

"Not unless you want to."

She hugs me a little tighter and says, "I don't want to."

...

I wake up in something of a daze. The light is on. There's someone else with me in my bed. They are right up against me too. It feels pretty nice. Wait…what?

I roll over and see a sleeping Akari.

Oh…yeah. Now I remember everything. I must have cried myself to sleep, and Akari stayed with me. We're both still in our clothes though, and I'm sure she'd like to sleep in her own bed, so I should probably wake her up.

I pat her on the shoulder and softly say, "Akari, wakey-wakey."

"Hrmm? Oh…hey Kayoko. Do you f-feel better?"

"I do. Thanks for staying with me."

She smiles, "No problem. I'm…really s-sorry about what happened."

I sigh, "Me too. But it's okay. You were right, he's an asshole. It's his fault. I am definitely going to be more careful with my other firsts."

Akari sits up and gets out of the bed and stretches. "I want to punish that guy. Hey, w-we should tell y-your mom to run him into the g-ground."

I laugh, "That would be pretty funny. I don't think I will be telling her about this, though. Not for a little while at least."

"It isn't your fault, Kayoko."

"I know. I know that now. Thank you for helping me figure that out. But…I still don't want to tell her. I'm not ready." I yawn, "We should probably go back to sleep anyway."

The next day in class we thankfully didn't have any group work and I completely ignored Hiroshi, who attempted to talk to me multiple times. I filled in Ai with what happened during lunch, and like Akari, she's furious. These two tiny girls are scary when they are mad. Kind of reminds me of my mom.

Then, around 5 p.m., there's a knock on my door. I expect it to be Akari because that's who it usually is, but when I open it, I'm surprised to see Hiroshi. I cross my arms and glare at him to make it very clear that I don't want him there.

"What are you doing here?"

"I broke up with my girlfriend. Can you let me in so we can talk?"

"No. We can talk right here. I don't really care if you broke up with her. You cheated on her first. And you used me to do it. I'm not interested in that kind of guy."

"Kayoko…come on, I really like you. You're beautiful. I just want to spend time with you. Let me in."

"No. You need to go."

"Why are you being like this? I know you wanted me the other night. You had your hands all over me."

"That...that's not even true. And even if it were, I'm telling you I don't want you now. So, please, just go. I'm not interested. What more do I need to say to you to get you to go away?"

He tries to grab my hand, but I pull it away. "Come on, Kayoko. I broke up with my girlfriend for you, and you won't even let me in? That's not fair."

Akari's door opens slowly, and she looks furious. So much so that I'm a little scared. She must have been listening to see if she should intervene. I am thankful she does because he won't seem to listen.

"Hey, a-asshole. You h-heard h-her. G-get the fuck out of h-here."

So far, Hiroshi has kept a charming smile on his face that now seems really fake to me, but when he hears Akari, his face becomes angry, and aggressive. I think maybe I'm seeing his true face for the first time.

He turns around and hisses at her, "This doesn't concern you, you little freak. I didn't even know you could talk. Why don't you go back to just keeping your fucking mouth shut?"

Before I know what's happening, my right fist is making contact with the middle of his back. He staggers forward and almost falls over.

He turns around, wide-eyed. "Did you seriously just…hit me?"

My wrist is in excruciating pain. I dislocated it. Maybe a finger or two too. But I do my best not to show it.

"I did. You didn't seem to be listening to…words. Now…like she said - get the fuck out of here."

He still doesn't look like he's going to listen. There's been enough of a commotion that a few other girls in the hall have poked their heads out of their rooms. Hiroshi sees this and finally starts to look like he's going to retreat.

"Whatever. You're not even worth it." He runs away, taking off down the stairwell.

After he leaves, Akari comes across the hall looking satisfied, but then she sees that I'm in pain, since I'm no longer trying to hide it. I'm now clutching my forearm and gritting my teeth.

"You d-dislocated it, didn't you?"

"Yeah…worth…it…need…nurse. Sling...Closet."

Akari gets me the sling and helps me get to the nurse's office.

When we get there, it turns out I dislocated my right wrist and middle finger. I have never dislocated my middle finger before, so at least that's new. I guess. Akari holds my hand while the nurse puts my joints back in place. In addition to a wrist immobilizer, I will have to wear a finger splint. I won't be playing piano for a couple weeks at least. Probably longer.

Now that we're heading back to the dorms, Akari says, "D-do you think you'll get in trouble?"

I hadn't really thought of that.

I stop walking and sigh, "Maybe. I shouldn't have hit him. That was dumb of me. It happened so fast."

"Yeah, well he r-really wasn't listening."

"Yeah…that was annoying, but it was how he talked to you that really made me snap." I look at my throbbing wrist. "Pun intended."

Akari laughs, "W-well thank you, then."

I grimace, "I probably need to go stay with my mom tonight. I need to tell her about all of this before she hears it from somewhere else. I need to tell her everything."

Akari nods, "D-do you want me to g-go with you? I can provide some additional t-testimony."

I smile at her, "Yeah, that would be nice."

...

We are at my mom's for dinner and then we're staying the night. She seems happy to have us. Too bad I have to tell her some bad stuff. I meant to tell her in the car, then I meant to tell her once we got to the house, but I kept putting it off.

After we finish eating, my mom can't take it anymore and just asks.

"You said you had something you had to tell me on the phone? Is this about how you got hurt?"

"Um…yeah, it is." I sigh, "Hiroshi kissed me when we were studying. But I put a stop to it and asked if he had a girlfriend. He just ignored the question and kept trying to do stuff. And he was pushy about it. So, I made him leave."

My mom's face becomes frighteningly intense, and her right hand is balled into a tight fist. Her normally sparkling green eyes have a dull glint to them.

"I may kill him if he hurt you."

"Um…he…didn't, not exactly. He came back the next day and told me he broke up with his girlfriend for me and tried to get me to let him in. But I told him I didn't want anything to do with him. Then he wouldn't leave. Um…eventually Akari got involved and told him to leave, and then he said some horrible things to her. Then, suddenly, I…punched him. I shouldn't have. I might get in trouble, so I just wanted you to know about it from me."

My mom raises her eyebrows, "Did you hurt him?"

"Not really…I punched his back. It surprised him more than anything."

Akira nods, "He was f-fine. He didn't fall over or anything."

"So, that's how you hurt yourself? I thought it seemed like an odd injury. You have never dislocated your wrist and a finger like that."

"Yeah. Aren't you mad at me?"

"Well…I wish you hadn't hit him. For your body's sake. And if he tells on you, you will probably get in some trouble. I won't really be able to protect you, either. But I'm not mad. Not at you." She clenches her fist again and her eyes narrow. "My blood is absolutely boiling about what he did though. All of it."

Akari adds, "Y-yeah. I also w-want to add that he was b-being aggressive. She t-told him to leave like five times. I d-don't know for sure, but if I didn't get involved he might have tried to force his way in. That's why I g-got involved."

At first, I think Akari is embellishing the story a bit to get me in less trouble. But then I think about the situation. He wasn't leaving. He was belligerent. He wouldn't even leave when Akari got involved. He wouldn't leave after I punched him. He really might have tried to get in my room without my permission. I need to be more careful about this kind of thing. I should never have had him with me alone in my room. That's something I should only do with boys I know better.

My mom nods, "Well, if he was being threatening in any way that does make things better for Kayoko. Were there any other witnesses?"

"Yeah, a few other girls saw the very end at least. That's what finally got him to leave. Even punching him wasn't enough. They probably heard a lot of it too."

My mom thinks for a moment, "Well, in that case I bet you won't get in trouble. Most, if not all those witnesses will be on your side. He also is a lot less likely to tell anyone because of that. It's his word against your whole floor. He'd have to be pretty dumb to call for a disciplinary hearing over this. Of course, he was dumb enough to do this to his club teacher's daughter…" The menacing twinkle returns to her eyes. "So, anything is possible." She sighs, "There is a no tolerance policy about violence though, so it could maybe still be a bit of a problem…" She trails off and chuckles to herself.

"Um…what was that laugh about? Doesn't seem like a good time to laugh."

"Oh, just remembering a story your dad told me about Saki. She was in a …kind of similar situation once. Do you want to hear about it?"

I shrug, "I guess so. Maybe it will help."

"Well, your father and Saki, and your aunt and uncle too, went to the city on one of those organized outings during winter vacation. So did this guy named Maeda. He was Saki's ex. They…broke up after Kayoko passed away, because he blamed her."

Akari looks confused at the mention of another Kayoko. So, I explain, "She's who I'm named after. She died in their first year. She had a fatal condition that affected her lungs, and she took her own life because it got so bad. She…got the idea from Saki."

Akari looks like she is on the verge of tears. I know this story so well that it doesn't really make me emotional anymore. But seeing her reaction does remind me just how sad it all is.

My mom nods, "Right, so that's why Maeda blamed her. Anyway, by their third year, your aunt and Saki were going to record a song Kayoko helped them write. Maeda found out about this and confronted her while they were on the trip. He…said some horrible things to her about the whole thing, telling her she basically murdered Kayoko and didn't deserve to record the song. Anyway, eventually Saki snapped and slapped the shit out of him." She chuckles, "The kid wore this stupid beret all the time and apparently it went clear off his head."

"So…this is similar. Someone said horrible things and I snapped. What happened to Saki?"

"Well, unfortunately for her, a teacher saw the exact moment of the slap and not what led up to it. She ended up getting suspended."

I sigh, "That…was not the encouraging ending I was hoping for."

"Well, her situation was different. A teacher saw, and Maeda wasn't really being threatening, he was just being a jerk. So, it was a little harder to justify Saki's violence even with the emotions involved. I think your case sounds like a better one. I think the worst case is that there is a disciplinary hearing, but they don't punish you. It might backfire on him too, if any of your neighbors agree that he was being menacing. If that happens, he might be the one to get in trouble. Quite serious trouble, too."

My mom gets up and sits in the chair next to me. She puts her hand on my shoulder. "We've talked about the practical part, but let's put that part aside for now…how are you feeling, sweetie?"

"I mean it hurts, probably one of my most painful dislocations in a while. I guess it makes sense because of how it happened. I'm mad I won't be able to play the piano because of it."

"No, I mean, emotionally."

I look down, "Oh. Not great. I feel…used. I liked him. I really wanted him to like me. I…let him come into my room and was alone with him the night before he did this." I start to tear up, "And I just…I shouldn't have done that, you know? Why would I like a guy like that?"

"It-it's okay that you liked him. You don't n-now that you know everything, right?"

I nod.

"Akari's right, dear. No need to feel bad for how you felt. This is hard enough without that, isn't it?"

I nod.

"I also wanted my f-first kiss to be with someone special to me, who cared about me. I am really disappointed that it wasn't. I know it isn't my fault, Akari helped me see that…but I'm still a little disappointed in myself. Disappointed I didn't just pull away when he tried to kiss me. Disappointed I didn't stop it sooner."

My mom hugs me. She's standing and I'm sitting, and she holds my head to her chest. "Well, I'm not disappointed in you, sweetie. I don't think you should be disappointed in yourself either. I think you did the right thing. Well…" she laughs softly, "...up until you punched him."

I sigh. "I have to go to class with him on Monday. He sits right next to me."

I feel my mom shaking while she hugs me. At first, I think maybe she's crying, but then I suspect the anger that has boiled to the surface a few times in this conversation must have done it again. When she speaks my intuition proves correct, as her voice is absolutely seething.

"Yes, we'll just see about that. I may not be able to completely protect you from getting in trouble. But I can tell you with 100% certainty he will not be sitting anywhere near you in any class ever again. Also, if he has the guts to show up for track practice after this, I'll be running him so much he won't have the energy to do this to anyone else. My guess is he'll quit."

I start really crying into my mom's chest. Akari puts her hand on my back and rubs me gently. Some of my tears are still a result of feeling hurt and embarrassed, and disappointed in myself, but they are also tears of relief, and tears about how much I love my mom.

I sniffle and say, "Th-thank you. You're an amazing mom, you know that?"

She laughs, "Yep, I do."

"S-seriously though, Mrs…Emi, y-you're great."

I nod, currently incapable of forming words myself.

My mom smiles, "Thank you Akari. I hope you know that if this happened to you, I'd be doing the same thing."

Now Akari is tearing up too and gets up to hug my mom from behind while she's still hugging me. "Th-thank you…Emi." It's the first time she has just used my mom's first name.

"Goodness girls, you're going to make me cry if you keep this…up." By the end of her sentence, all three of us are crying.

On Monday, Hiroshi isn't in class at all. I sort of suspect it means he decided not to come and not that my mother worked that big of a miracle. But I'll take it, either way.

"Where's his room? I'm going to strangle him in his sleep. And then once he's dead. I'm going to do it again, just to be sure." Ai moves her hands in a violent motion as if she's wringing someone's neck while the rest of us laugh at the ridiculous sight of this dimunitive girl being so violent.

We're at lunch now, and I just updated Ai and Carsten on what happened. I appreciate the solidarity, even if the levels of violence Ai's calling for are a little scary.

After Ai has completed her theatrics, Carsten says. "Yeah that's…beyond messed up. Even after you updated us the other day, I thought he was a jerk. But this pushes him well beyond jerk status. Showing up like that? Refusing to leave? Talking to Akari like that?" He looks at his girlfriend and says "I might just strangle him a third time." He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me seriously. "I'm really sorry about this, Kayoko."

I smile at him, "Thanks, you two."

Ai seems to have calmed down a bit now and says, "Akari, nice move getting involved. Who knows what might've happened with this guy?"

"Y-yeah, th-thanks…that's what I thought."

I put my arm around Akari and pull her close to me. "Yep, she was a really big help through all of it."

I almost tell them about how Akari held me while I cried myself to sleep, but that is probably best to keep between best friends.

"W-well, of course. You a-always help me too."

Carsten says, "Next time you really wanna punch someone though…maybe, don't?"

I sigh, "I've already gotten enough of that from my mom and myself, trust me. I wish I hadn't for so many reasons. It just…happened. But yes, I will try to be more careful next time."

Ai scoffs and says, "Whatever Carsten, sometimes a girl has to punch a guy. He had it coming."

Carsten better watch out. If he ever breaks her heart, I don't know if we'll be able to stop her.

Chapter Text

It's time for band. But I can't play piano because I punched an asshole. Yay.

My aunt sees me and walks over to me shaking her head. I wonder if my mom filled her in on the details.

"That stinks, Kayoko. I'm sorry. You'll just follow along, I guess. I hope you recover enough to do one or two songs at the concert."

I nod, "Yeah. I hope so too."

I go over to the piano, where Hideki is getting settled. He sees me and grimaces, "No piano for a bit, huh? That's crappy."

"Yeah. It is. Do you have any extra copies of music for today? I forgot mine, on top of everything," I laugh wryly.

He shakes his head, "I don't, but why don't you sit on the bench with me? You can follow along with the music and that will make it easier for you to visualize playing, won't it?"

"I won't be in your way?"

"I don't think so. Not for practice anyway."

"Okay, thanks a lot Hideki. This makes me feel a lot better about my…situation."

He smiles at me, "Hey, no problem. Gotta look out for next year's first chair piano player, right?"

I smile back, "Thanks, if I can have both my hands working often enough maybe I'll get there."

He laughs, "You will, I know it."

I take a seat next to him on the bench, far enough away to give him some space, but close enough that I can see the music and his hands. As band practice commences, I realize he was right, this does a much better job of helping me learn the music when I can't play. I guess this is where I'll be for band practice until my hand and wrist get better.

...

I'm in the cafeteria after band. Akari had to stay later than me, but she should have been here by now. I'm starting to get a little worried.

Just as I'm about to try calling her, she comes into the cafeteria, and she immediately sits down across from me, and she has a really…heightened look on her face. I hesitate to say crazy, but it's close.

"Um…what's going on Akari?"

She whispers, "I think a b-boy might like me."

I smile at her. "That's great. Who?"

She looks around like someone might hear us. "C-can we talk about it later? Can you see if Ai can come too? We can meet at your room."

I smile, "You really have taken to Ai, haven't you."

She nods, "Yeah, yeah. She's a g-good person. Also, w-way more of an expert on this than w-we are."

"That hurts a little Akari…but, you know what, looking at my romantic history…yeah, you're right." I laugh, "I'll set up the meeting."

...

I'm in my room with Akari and Ai. I'm sitting on the bed and Ai has moved her wheelchair next to me. Akari is standing in front of us like she's giving a presentation. She's just told us who this guy is.

"Michi? He's a second-year student who plays the French horn too, right?"

Akari nods.

If anyone is going to realize how great Akari is, it makes sense it would be someone who knows just how amazing she is at French horn.

Ai adds, "Ooo, I like it. Kind of romantic, you both play the same thing."

"So, why do you think he likes you?"

Akari pulls out her phone. "I g-gave him my number a few days ago because he asked for it. S-said maybe we could practice out of c-class together. Well, he ended up t-texting me and we t-talked a lot."

Akari hands me the phone so me and Ai can scroll through their conversation. She's right, they have talked a lot. And about lots of personal stuff.

This reminds me of how she was with Carsten. Texting is easier for her because of her anxiety so she can talk with people a lot more that way. Hopefully this has a better outcome for her than that did.

Ai says, "Wow, just from this I'd say there's a chance he likes you. But there's even more, isn't there?"

She nods nervously, "T-today in band he asked if I wanted to h-have a p-picnic with him this w-weekend."

I exchange a glance with Ai and we nod to one another. We don't need to talk to know that we agree about this. I let Ai say it first since apparently Akari respects her opinion on this kind of thing more than mine.

Ai says, "Yeah, that sounds like a date. He didn't make it sound like anyone else would be there, right?"

"N-No he even said, 'just you and me'."

I say, "Definitely a date then. Did you say yes?"

She nods.

"So, you like him?"

She blushes, "I th-think so, yeah."

"Sounds great then. I hope it works out."

Unexpectedly, in response to these words of encouragement, Akari's face contorts into one of fear and her stuttering gets even worse than normal.

"Th-there is one r-really b-big problem, though. I'm...r-r-really anxious about th-this. Even for m-me. I kn-know I'm g-going to m-mess this up. H-he knows me m-mostly from t-texting or watching me in b-band. I'm a d-different p-person when I d-do those things. He doesn't r-really know how b-bad I am at t-talking. He…he…w-won't like m-me on a date. So...I d-don't know..."

I smile at her to try to encourage her. "Akari, I think you're better at talking than you think. Sure, it isn't the easiest thing in the world for you, especially when there are some extra stressors. But I've never had a hard time understanding you or anything."

Ai nods in agreement, "Yeah, and if you just tell him about why it's hard for you, he'll understand. And…if he doesn't, he isn't worth it." She looks at me and winks.

That sounds a lot like some of the advice I've given Ai about Carsten. I bet Akari thinks this is great wisdom from her more experienced friend, but it came from ME. I decide I probably shouldn't point that out right now, though…

Our words don't seem to have helped her much, as she still looks very worried. "I'm still n-not sure. My m-mind is t-telling me the right thing to d-do is to b-back out. To r-run away from this. It would b-be…easier. I know that's the anxiety…but the f-feeling is so s-strong. And its tempting to l-listen."

I get up and hug Akari. "Is there any way we can come up with a plan to make you feel less anxious about it?"

"I d-don't know…"

Ai says, "Well, what if we made it a double date? Would you feel a little bit better if me and Carsten came?"

Akari thinks for a moment and finally some hope creeps on to her face, "Y-yeah! That might help."

Ai says, "Okay, let's plan for that. I'm sure he'll agree if it means he gets a date with you." She winks at Akari. "We can come up with a signal you can give us if you decide you want us to leave, so that we aren't in the way too much. Basically, we can be there until you feel comfortable, and then you can get rid of us when you want some alone time with him."

Akari walks over to Ai and crouches down so she can hug her. I think this is the first time they've ever hugged. I think the two of them are now truly friends, and I'm really happy about that.

"Th-thank you, Ai. Th-this means a lot to me."

I'm in my room alone. I'm trying to study, but I can't focus. Akari is on her double date, and I really want to know how it is going. It is kind of a bummer that I'm the only one in our friend group who doesn't get to be there. They've been gone for a while now, which I think must mean it is going well.

Just as I finally manage to focus on my studying, there's a knock on the door. By now, I can instantly recognize Akari's knock. I open the door and she has a huge smile on her face. This might be the happiest I've ever seen her.

Without saying anything, she comes into my room and sits down on the bed.

I try to replicate her huge smile when I say, "So, judging from the way you're…glowing, I take it that it went well?"

She nods enthusiastically, "He k-kissed me and asked me to be his girlfriend."

I sit down on the bed next to her and put my arm around her. "Aw, congratulations. That's great. You have a boyfriend now!"

She blushes, "I kn-know, it doesn't seem real."

I laugh, "Well it is. See, I told you you were pretty."

"Y-yeah…he told me that too. It was r-really nice to hear."

"So, the double date plan worked, huh?

Akari nods, "Yeah. I don't think I could have done it w-without them. I was so anxious at the beginning that I literally couldn't talk. But Carsten and Ai saw that and d-distracted him with conversation while I adjusted to the situation. After about an hour and a half I signaled them to leave so I could have him to myself." She smiles bashfully. "A-and that's when the kiss and stuff happened."

I smile broadly at her. "That's great. Well, I'm looking forward to getting to know him."

"Y-yeah, I was going to invite him to l-lunch, if that's okay."

"Of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?"

She stands up, "I dunno, but I wanted to check. Okay well, I'm very sleepy after being a b-ball of anxiety all day. I'm going to go to bed."

I smile at her, "Sleep well. I'm happy you had such a great day, Akari."

I sit down on my bed after she leaves, feeling really happy for Akari. But after a little bit my emotions take a more negative turn. I'm the only one of my close friends who doesn't have a significant other now. Daisuke has Kaito, Ai and Carsten have each other, and now Akari has Michi. I'm happy for all of them, of course. But I can't help but feel a little crappy about it. I still haven't even had a boyfriend. I don't even really feel like trying to date right now after the Hiroshi thing…but I still can't shake this feeling.

Is that why she felt like she had to ask me about inviting him to lunch? I…guess it might be a little bit awkward. I'm a fifth-wheel now.

Hiroshi has been back in class, but like my mom promised he is sitting clear on the other side of the classroom. I wonder how she did it. I guess maybe just talking to Ms. Hamada would do it? But that doesn't explain why he isn't sitting near me in other classes either. That woman definitely has some significant power at this school.

I don't have any reason to interact with him now, so ignoring him will be much easier. He seems to have chosen to forget I exist too, and I'm perfectly happy with that. Just looking at him makes my wrist ache.

...

At lunch, I formally meet Michi. We're in band together, but we've never really had a conversation about anything.

"M-michi, this is Kayoko, my best friend. You kind of know each other, I guess, r-right?"

I nod, "Know of each other at least. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better. You have yourself a great girl, you know."

He blushes and looks at Akari and gets a massive smile on his face. I can tell he really likes her, and he knows she's beautiful. I love to see that. He says, "I know. Nice to meet you too."

He's a cute guy. He isn't very tall, as he's a bit shorter than me. But he's still tall enough to be a lot taller than Akari. He has nice hazel eyes, dimples when he smiles, and great wavy black hair that he keeps in a man-bun. Basically, he's the kind of guy that your typical girl would look at him and think he's attractive. That makes it even better that Akari got him. If only because some people at this school think she's weird, and I like the idea of other girls being jealous of her for dating a cute older guy.

We're sitting down on the grass together, the two couples are sitting quite close to each other, and I'm sitting alone. That crappy feeling from last night creeps back into my stomach. I feel bad for feeling like this. I just need to be happy for everyone. I am happy for everyone. There's just…also this extra crappy feeling of…something? Jealousy, I guess.

The good news is that Akari and Michi aren't the same as a new couple as Carsten and Ai were. They are sitting close together and holding hands. It's very cute. I appreciate the restraint.

Akari and Michi have been together for two weeks now. They are happy and super adorable together. The new normal is that he comes to lunch with us every day. Then, after band, Akari goes off with him, or he comes here until curfew. It's cute they are worried about breaking that rule, since so many students do. At this point Carsten basically lives in Ai's dorm room.

When Akari and Michi are here, I usually spend a little bit of time with them, usually right after band, but I also don't want to get in their way, so I don't stick around very long. Then, after he leaves, or she gets back to the dorm she spends some time with me, and we talk about our day and stuff. We talk a lot less and spend significantly less time together, which is to be expected. But it is taking some adjusting.

This all means that I'm alone more often in the evenings than I'm used to. I'm mostly doing okay, but I still can't shake the crappy feeling I have. I still haven't completely identified it either. It is mixed, I guess. A combination of jealousy and guilt. Jealousy because I don't have someone like they do, and guilt because I feel so jealous about something that is making all my friends so happy. I feel like maybe there's something else in there too, but I can't figure it out.

I'm thankful that tonight Daisuke and Kaito invited me to their dorm. Apparently, it is the Jewish New Year, and Kaito has prepared some things for us that people eat for that holiday. If a holiday involves eating, I'm definitely in. I'll still be spending time with a couple I guess, but the way I feel about Daisuke now, it's just like I'm spending time with my older brother and his boyfriend. So, it's a different vibe than being around friends and their significant others.

...

I knock on Kaito's door and say, "It's Kayoko." I hear a voice kind of far away from the door say, "Come in," so I do. When I do, it's just Kaito, and he's setting the table.

I'm not sure what to do in this situation. He clearly has a lot of experience setting the table, but the fact that he's blind must make it hard. Should I offer my help? Or is that rude? I guess he's not going to hate me if I do.

"Do you need any help with that?"

He says, "No, that's okay. Thank you for the offer though. You can come and have a seat."

I do as he asks. This time the food looks less unusual to my Japanese sensibilities. Right now, all I see is a large bowl of some kind of small pasta…couscous I think it's called, with vegetables. My dad made couscous a few times.

"Daisuke is getting the cake out of the oven. He should be back soon." I feel my mood improve slightly when I hear the word cake. I'm not quite as bad as my mom is about food, but I'm definitely her daughter.

"So, I'm guessing you're the only Jewish student at the school, huh?"

He nods, "I am fairly certain that's the case. Though I would say I'm mostly only Jewish culturally. I don't know more than the basics when it comes to the religion. But when it comes to the food and the holidays, well, I know most of it." He laughs.

"Yeah, you really like cooking, huh? Everything you make is always so good."

"I do. I don't know whether it's because I don't have sight, or if I would be like this anyway, but I really enjoy tasting things. Figuring out ways to take different flavors and put them into a dish is really compelling to me. I'm seriously considering doing culinary school next year instead of university. My parents don't love the idea." He laughs, "Both Japanese and Jews are stereotyped as people who really push their kids to get a good education and succeed in a profession that will make good money. Both of my parents fit the stereotype, unfortunately. But cooking is by far the thing I'm most passionate about."

The next question I'm going to ask might be a little blunt, but at this point this guy isn't that far from being in my family, so I'm just going to ask.

"That's cool, I think you should do it. Is cooking difficult without sight?"

He thinks for a moment and then says, "I suppose I face some challenges. One of the reasons Daisuke is getting the cake is it is difficult for me to use an oven, especially when I'm not in a kitchen I really know. Without sight, figuring out exactly how much space there is between the racks is hard to do without getting burned. I mixed the cake and everything, but it's his job to put it in and take it out." He laughs, "I think he can handle it."

I laugh, "Yeah I don't think he can mess that up."

"If I take the time to get to know a kitchen really well though, I don't think cooking for me is that much more difficult. It just takes some extra work to get to that point."

"That makes sense."

"Am I correct that you still have your wrist immobilizer on?"

"Um…yes. You could hear that, I guess?"

"Yes. You've had that on for quite a while, that can't be fun."

"Yeah, I did get my finger splint off which is…something. But I messed up my wrist pretty badly. I may have it on for a couple more weeks."

"Is that why you are a bit down this evening?"

That is some impressive intuition. Especially when you consider he must base it mostly on my voice.

I sigh, "It's part of it. Not being able to play the piano is hard. Um…but the main thing is all my friends are dating and stuff, and I'm not. I'm having a hard time with it."

Daisuke comes in holding a Bundt cake pan with oven mitts just when I finished the sentence. The cake smells good. I can't quite place the flavors from scent alone, but it definitely smells good.

Daisuke puts it down and asks, "What are you having a hard time with?"

I sigh, "Um. Akari has a boyfriend now. Ai and Carsten are together, obviously. So, I'm like a fifth wheel a lot of the time in our group. It makes me feel kind of crappy. And then I feel bad because they are all so happy and I'm acting like a child."

Daisuke comes to sit down next to me, "You're not acting like a child. There are plenty of adults in this world who are sad they don't have someone. Lots of them, I think. It's normal. Not that it makes it suck any less."

"...yeah…"

"Loneliness is a very common thing to feel. I think any one of your friends would feel the same way if the situation were different. So, I don't think you should feel guilty or anything."

I nod, "Yeah…that does help a little. We um…we don't have to keep talking about this. It's a holiday, right? I don't want to be a downer. We can talk about this some other time if it's still bothering me."

Daisuke nods, "Sure. Focusing on this food should help you some too."

Kaito smiles, "Actually there's something about this holiday that you might like if you're feeling this way."

"Other than the food?"

He laughs, "Yes, other than the food. One of the big things with the New Year is casting off one's sins. In other words, getting rid of things you feel bad about. I agree with Daisuke that I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling how you do. But if you want to try another way to get rid of that bad feeling, you could cast it off."

"Yeah? How do I do that?"

"Well, normally we would need a body of water of some kind. But I think we can make do with a cup of water." He turns his head towards Daisuke expectantly. He responds by bringing me a cup of water.

"So, as I explained to you…I'm not so good on the religious part. Normally one recites a prayer in Hebrew and symbolically casts their sin into the water. But I'm afraid I can't do the prayer part." He breaks off a small piece of bread and hands it to me. "So, just think about what you're feeling bad about, and put that piece of bread in there."

I guess it couldn't hurt.

I close my eyes and think about how I'm feeling, wishing that I didn't feel jealous of my friends who are all so happy. I wish I could just be happy for them. I envision sort of channeling those negative feelings into my hand and then into the bread. I put the piece of bread in the glass.

"Now Daisuke will go dump that in the sink, so it will really be 'cast away.'"

Daisuke is sitting comfortably and looks more than ready to eat. He says, "I…will?"

Kaito turns towards him, smiles and says, "Won't you?"

Daisuke rolls his eyes and says, "Yes, fine."

He leaves the room to go somewhere to dump out the water and bread. Presumably the kitchen.

Kaito turns to me and smirks, "He rolled his eyes when I said that didn't he?"

I giggle. "Your intuition is impressive."

He laughs, "I'll remember that. I always assumed there was an eye roll when he took that tone with me. Nice to have it confirmed."

"Thanks for doing that for me, Kaito. I feel like it helped a little. Just even…imagining that I can get rid of the feeling by doing something like that makes it a little less."

He smiles, "Good. That means you'll have more room for the food too."

I laugh, "Yes, that's what's more important."

Daisuke comes back before long, and we go about eating the couscous. Apparently, it has seven types of vegetables in it because in Judaism the world was created in seven days. It's pretty good. But I've been mostly thinking about that cake. Apparently, I'm not hiding it that well, either.

Daisuke laughs, "Interested in the cake, huh?" He turns to Kaito, "She's been staring at it for at least a minute."

Kaito laughs, "Well, we can have it shortly. Like most things we eat during Jewish holidays, it is symbolic. It is a honey-apple cake. Eating it is supposed to give you a better chance of having a 'sweet' new year. In fact in Hebrew, the greeting for the holiday roughly translates to, 'Have a happy and sweet New Year.'"

I laugh, "So you're telling me this cake will taste incredible and give me a better year? That sounds like the best cake ever. Don't tell my mom." This gets a pretty big laugh out of Daisuke.

Daisuke slices each of us a piece of the cake. From the first bite it tastes amazing. It has shredded apples in it, and you can taste the honey too. It's very moist and somewhere in between bread and cake in terms of texture. We all end up having a second piece. After that, we're in a stupor from eating too much. The mark of a holiday that was well-celebrated I suppose.

"How's your mom been doing since you moved out?"

"She's doing well, I think. I've stayed over there a couple nights since I moved. I know your parents have her over there a lot, and she's working hard to find a place for my dad's parents in town. Plus, track club and work of course. So, she's busy. Which is probably good."

"That's good. When are the Nakais moving here?"

"The plan is in November. So just a couple of months if things work out."

"It will probably be good for her to have them here."

"Yeah, I think so, mostly. I'm a little worried she'll be more stressed about things since they will sort of be her responsibility. But she does really love them. She wants to cook dinner for them every day and stuff like that. I think it will be nice for everyone."

Daisuke nods, "I think my parents will probably help too. They like the Nakais a lot. They were a big help after Saki back in the day, and then after we lost your dad…"

I  really  miss my dad lately. Maybe because I've been alone more and had more time to think about it?

I feel myself start to tear up. I really don't want to cry here. I push the feeling down.

"Yeah, that's good. I know they are all close. Hey, can I help clean up?"

Kaito answers, "If you'd like to. But are you okay?"

It's like he has superpowers. He must have noticed a change in my breathing or something.

"Yeah, I mean, still just a little down about the stuff I talked about earlier. I'll um…take some of these dishes down to the kitchen and wash them."

Daisuke says, "I'll come with you."

We wash the dishes together. Having something to do helps my mind be more at ease and I feel the growing sadness inside of me decline a bit. We go back to Kaito's room, and I notice it's late.

"Well, I think I'm gonna go. Thanks so much for inviting me. I'd love to do some of the other holidays, Kaito. Or you know, just eat stuff you cook for any reason."

He laughs, "Well it was nice having you as always. Please take a piece of cake home with you. See you soon."

Daisuke lools at me closely, then gives me a hug and says, "Let me know if you need to talk about anything else, okay?"

Okay maybe it doesn't take superpowers.

"I will. You both helped me tonight talking about the…loneliness stuff. So, thanks. See you later!"

...

When I get back to my room, I feel the depression welling up inside of me again. I do really miss my dad today. I haven't felt this bad about that since the anniversary. I probably just need to cry. That always helps. I crawl into bed and grab my capybara and think about all the things my dad would be doing if he were still here.

Things would be so much better if he were still here. He should be my teacher. He should be here to help me and take care of me. He should be here to help me understand stuff with boys. He should still be with mom, making her as happy as she used to be. If he were still here, they would be at home together right now cuddling on the couch. He should be here helping her cope with her grief. He should be here to help her with caring for his parents. The universe is really unfair to take him from us.

There's a knock on the door, and I know it's Akari. I don't really know if I want to let her in right now. I guess she did say I could talk about my dad with her. But it's such a downer. Especially because she just got back from her boyfriend's.

I say, "I'm coming." and get up and open the door for her. I try to wipe away my tears first, but as soon as I open the door Akari says, "What's wrong?"

I think I learned tonight that I wear my emotions on my sleeve, since everyone I interact with can tell something is wrong.

"I'm just having a hard day without my dad. We don't need to talk about that though."

"Are you sure? We c-can."

I sigh, "You're probably in a good mood right now. Can we just talk about you and Michi? Did you guys have fun tonight?"

She looks at me seriously. "We had a g-good time, but that doesn't m-matter right now, okay? Just tell me what you're thinking about."

I sit down on the bed and grab the capybara again and hug it to my chest.

"I just know my mom's having a hard time with stuff. And I was thinking how much better it would be if my dad was here. And that the universe sucks because he isn't."

Akari sits down next to me, "Yeah. It does s-suck. I would have liked to have met him. And I c-can see how much your mom loves him and misses him. It b-breaks my heart a little and I never saw them together. So, I can only imagine how it feels for you."

"Yeah. It does not feel good." I smile, "You missed out on him being your science teacher. Kind of funny to think about that."

"Yeah, that's crazy. All the boys think our current science t-teacher is hot, it would be all the g-girls if it was him."

We both laugh and I hit her in the side with the capybara.

"I guess maybe that's one good thing, then. I feel like it would be awkward if I knew half the girls at this school were into my dad."

She laughs, "H-half? At least three quarters. You would have a lot of girls t-trying to be your friend just to g-go to dinner at your house."

This earns her another capybara to the side. But then I put it down and hug her with my good arm.

"Thanks for cheering me up, Akari. Even if your crush on my dad's a little creepy. Don't tell Michi, he might get jealous."

She laughs, "I w-won't."

"So, how was your evening with him?"

"It was g-good." She blushes. "We w-were going to go to the cafeteria for d-dinner but then w-we started making out and lost track of the t-time..."

"Ooo. That must have been some make out session."

She laughs, "It r-really was. I am kind of hungry though."

I laugh, "I guess that's the trade off, huh? Oh, do you want a piece of cake? I did Jewish New Year with Daisuke and Kaito and there's this honey cake thing. He sent me home with a piece."

"That does s-sound amazing."

I get up and get the piece out for her, along with a plastic fork. "It's supposed to make you have a 'sweet' new year too. Maybe that means you'll make out lots more with Michi."

She laughs and sits down at the desk to eat it. She must really be hungry; I almost feel like I'm watching my mom. Once she finishes, she turns to me and says, "Or m-maybe more than just making out."

I laugh, "Yeah? How far have you guys gone?"

She blushes, "Not very far. He wants to but is being very nice about me wanting to go slower. The only thing we've done under clothes is um…he t-touched my boobs, t-tonight…" She turns even redder. "But that's the farthest."

I giggle at her. "You used to tell me you didn't have boobs. Now you have a boy happily caressing them for you."

She giggles, "He d-does make me feel b-better about all that stuff. He t-tells me how pretty I am a lot. And y-yeah he really likes my b-body."

"I tell you those things, but I guess it does mean more coming from a boy. Especially one who is touching your boobs." I giggle.

She laughs, "Yeah, it is a little d-different coming from him."

She gets up and sits next to me on the bed again with a more serious expression on his face. "Do you need to talk more about anything?"

Why does everyone keep asking me that?

"Not tonight, I don't think."

She nods, but she doesn't entirely look convinced.

"Okay well, I guess it's time for bed. Thank you for the c-cake. Goodnight!

"Goodnight Akari."

Chapter Text

"Wow, you really did it mom."

She laughs, "I know, right?"

We are standing in the living room of a small house that is only three doors down from ours. It's where my grandparents will be living in less than two months.

It has only one story and has everything they will need. They wanted a much smaller house, and this is it. One bathroom, one bedroom, but a spacious living room and a nice kitchen. It also looks like it was recently renovated. The appliances are very shiny.

"I can't believe you found a house this perfect and this close to ours."

"Why not? I'm amazing."

I laugh, "I know you are, but still."

She laughs, "Well it took some doing. The owner was trying to sell it, but I charmed him into renting it for a few years first."

I raise an eyebrow at my mom, "Charmed? Does that mean 'feminine wiles'?

She giggles. "Maybe a little. It might have helped looking this good." She gestures towards herself. "But mostly I just wouldn't leave him alone. And I also showed him that he could make more money in the long run if he rented it to us for a little while before selling it."

"Well, whatever you did, it's really great. Do you know how happy they are going to be?"

"Very, I think. I already gave them a little video tour. They are excited. I am too. It will be really nice having them so close."

I hug my mom, "Yep. They can walk over for dinner every night. Grandpa can beat you at chess every day. Grandma will tell stories about her little Hichan and talk about how much she loves her little Kaychan. It'll be great."

"Excuse me, did you say he will beat me every day?"

"Oh. I meant to say 'play you' every day. Sorry."

"The man's 84. Surely, I can beat him a decent chunk of the time now. He was never as good as your father, you know!"

"I know mom, I'm just teasing. You're good at pretty much everything. Gotta tease you for your chess deficiencies. I don't have anything else to make fun of."

I'm leaving the nurse's office in very high spirits this morning. My wrist is finally well enough for me to play piano again. I thought I might still be in the immobilizer for another week, so it was a nice surprise. I missed about a month of practice all because I punched the asshole-who-shall-not-be-named.

Even though I've been sitting with Hideki and visualizing things, I have some serious catching up to do if I want to perform at our concert in a few weeks. But it is possible for at least one or two songs if I take some extra time. Hideki would have done most of the songs anyway, so it may not be a big difference in the end.

...

When I get to class, Ai and Carsten are very happy to see that my wrist is better. They know that it has been more upsetting to me than most of my injuries because of how I got it and how long it has kept me from playing the piano.

Ai makes an especially big deal about it in a way that a certain someone will overhear.

"I'm so glad your wrist is better, Kayoko. How did you hurt it again? Was it…chasing a rat out of your room? Or was it...squashing a cockroach? Cleaning up a really nasty stain? Or maybe you were...throwing out some garbage?"

I can't help but giggle at each of her silly scenarios.

Carsten whispers to her, "Okay, we get the picture, how many more of these do you have?"

"Oh, I could keep going. But I guess that's probably enough. I really am happy for you, Kayoko."

I smile at her, "Thanks." And then I whisper, "I kind of want to hear some more of those at lunch."

...

At lunch, Akari and Michi are also excited to see that my wrist is better.

He says, "Hey, that's great! That means you'll get to play with us today, right?"

"Yep! It should. At least for part of practice."

"D-do you think you'll get to play at the concert?"

I sigh, "I really hope so. I will probably need to stay after practice and do some stuff on my own to get to that point. But if I don't punch anyone, I should be able to get enough practice in."

Michi looks confused. I guess he doesn't know this story.

Akari explains, "Sh-she punched a guy who wouldn't stop trying to g-get in her room. Wh-when I tried to help get him to leave, he said s-some mean stuff to m-me. That's when sh-she hit him."

"Ohhh. Sounds like he deserved a punching. Was it worth it?"

"You know what? I think it was. Even having that thing for a whole month. Don't tell my mom I said that though. She's still kind of upset I decided to punch someone with the condition I have. Less concerned about the actual punching though..."

...

When I get to band, my aunt is very happy to see that my wrist is unencumbered.

"That thing felt like it was on forever, didn't it?"

I laugh, "If you felt that way, imagine how I felt. Do you think I will be able to catch up in time for the Winter concert?"

She thinks for a moment, "I think so. It might be close. But you're really good, and you've been following along with Hideki, so I think you can do it for a couple songs."

I nod, "Okay. I will do my best to make that happen."

She leans in and whispers, "Yeah, maybe don't punch anyone until after the concert."

I sigh, "My mom told you, huh?"

She laughs, "Yep. Well, it will be good to have you back."

Hideki isn't here yet, so I walk over to the piano and start practicing a bit, at least loosening up my wrist some. When he comes, he's as excited as anyone to see me back in playing shape. He sits down next to me on the bench and says, "Do you want to do all the practice today?"

"Thanks. That's nice of you, but you should practice too. I don't have enough time to get good enough at all of them to perform. So, I was just thinking I would do two of them."

He nods, "That makes sense. Well, it's good to have you back. You can still sit on the bench to visualize, too. I think it will help you going forward."

I nod, "Yeah, that's a good idea. Guess you'll have to put up with me being in your way a little bit for a while longer."

He smiles and says, "It's kind of nice to have some company, actually."

Practice goes well, although I am certainly not where I should be, even for the two songs I practiced.

When practice is over, Hideki asks, "Hey, do you want to get some food in the cafeteria to celebrate your return?"

I say, "No thanks. I think I'm going to stay here awhile and go through these songs again. I think I have to if I'm going to catch up."

He puts his things down, "Okay. Do you want some help?"

"That's okay. Didn't you say you wanted to go eat?"

He picks his things up again. "I…did say that didn't I."

I smile at him. "Yep. But maybe some other day this week? I would like your help for sure."

He nods, "Okay. That sounds good. See you tomorrow, Kayoko."

Akari has been dating Michi for a month now, and it has been going well. She went with him and some of his friends to Sendai on a day trip. It's amazing she's able to do that, but I think her anxiety has improved enough to make that kind of thing more doable.

I spent the day doing homework or practicing the piano. Hideki stopped by for a bit and really helped me tighten a section of one of the songs I have been struggling with. He's been a great mentor to me. Without him, I don't think I would have any hope of being ready for the concert in time.

Shortly after I get back to my room from the band hall, there's a knock on my door. I open it to find a very sad looking Akari looking back at me.

"What's wrong?"

She comes into my room and looks up at me and says, "W-we broke up." Tears are falling down her cheeks.

I hug her and put my hand on her head. "Aw, I'm sorry. I thought things were going really well."

She nods and continues crying softly.

"Th-they were, mostly. He's a great g-guy in a lot of ways. Especially when it was just me and him. But…he couldn't or…wouldn't understand my s-social anxiety. He g-got mad at me for it a few times when I d-didn't want to go s-somewhere or if I had an attack. I t-told him I'm d-doing my best, and I can't control it. And he acted like he understood every time we h-had that talk. B-but then he did the s-same thing every time. I c-couldn't take it anymore today. We w-went with his friends to the city to do some karaoke, and I t-told him I w-wasn't sure I w-wanted to sing. That I w-would go and see how I felt. He said he understood. I mean, even just going with him to be around p-people I don't know that well and t-talk to them was hard. But then he tr-tried to get me to sing, and I said n-no. He l-looked at me like I was r-ridiculous. Like he was embarrassed b-by me. Just for f-feeling how I do. I c-couldn't take it anymore. So, I br-broke up with him and left. I've g-gotten a lot better, but I will a-always be anxious. I need s-someone who understands, and he d-didn't."

"I'm sorry Akari. It does sound like breaking up with him was the right thing."

She nods, "Y-yeah. I'll miss him, b-but I feel like it was right."

"Can I ask…why you didn't tell me about him being like that sooner? It sounds like it was going on for a while."

She breaks the hug and looks up at me, "It was… But…I thought you might be struggling with stuff. After he became my b-boyfriend you seemed… l-less happy. Sometimes I would look over at you during lunch and you looked…sad. I didn't want to bug you about this."

I frown, "Yeah. You're kind of right. I was happy for you, don't get me wrong. But…at lunch and stuff I felt a little…I dunno, insecure? Jealous? I was the only single one around you two couples. I'm sorry. I didn't think people could tell. I…really should have tried harder. Because I could have been there for you sooner."

"You also should have told me how you were feeling, you know. I t-tried to get you to a couple times."

Shit. She's right.

I look down and say, "Yeah…good point. I felt bad for feeling that way…so I didn't want to tell anyone. But you're right. If I had told you, it probably would have helped us both." I look back up at her and smile. "Do you want to do a girl's night with my mom tomorrow night? I was thinking of visiting anyway and a breakup seems like a good reason for one."

Her face brightens up a little and she nods, "Yeah, that would be nice. D-do you think we can invite Ai?"

I smile at her, "You really do like her now. I'm impressed."

She laughs, "I kind of have to. She was such a big help at the beginning with M-michi. She didn't have to be. I know she's a good p-person."

"Well, that's great. Yeah, I will check with my mom first and then see if Ai can come."

"Okay. I think I'm g-going to lie down."

She leaves the room and I call my mom. She answers quickly.

"Hey sweetie, how are you today?"

"Pretty good, got lots of piano practice in. So, that's good."

"Oh? Is that older boy still helping you?"

She somehow hasn't done this about Hideki yet, but I knew it was inevitable.

"Yes, Hideki's still helping. He's my mentor. It's a club. He's kind of supposed to."

"Yes…I suppose so."

"Anyway, this isn't about me. Akari and Michi broke up."

"Oh? That's too bad. So, a girls' night tomorrow then?"

I laugh, "Yep. You got it. Also, we'll have a fourth, potentially. I haven't asked her yet but wanted to clear it with you."

"I'm sure that will be fine. Who is it?"

"Ai."

"Oh? That's the one who was 'all over Carsten' if I recall correctly?"

I laugh, "Yep, the very same one. Akari finally warmed up to her. They're friends now."

"Well, that's nice. Yes, she can come of course. Will she be staying the night too?"

"She might. I will let you know once I talk to her."

"Okay, well I look forward to meeting her. Talk to you later sweetie."

After hanging up with my mom I call Ai.

Carsten picks up. It really is like they live together.

"Hey Kayoko, how are you?"

"I'm good, Ai, how are you?"

He laughs, "Guess you would have called me if you wanted to talk to me, huh? Here she is."

"Sorry about that, Kayoko. He's a goof. What's up?"

"Akari and I were going to go have dinner with my mom at her house tomorrow and stay the night there. Do you want to come?"

"REALLY?" (Carsten in the background: "why so loud?")

"Um…yeah?"

"This is one of your girls' nights, right!?"

I guess it makes sense she is aware of them. Makes me feel kind of bad since we've never invited her before.

"It is. We wanted you to come."

"I definitely will."

"Great! Do you want to stay the night too or just hang out?"

"I will stay the night." (Carsten in the background: What? Why? Where?)

"It's one night Carsten, you'll be okay!"

Ai giggles, "She says stop complaining, Carsten. He's pouting now. Hey, how is your mom set up for wheelchair stuff?"

"The house is pretty good for it since I need one sometimes. There's even a ramp. Oh, Carsten should probably help load it into the car though. I can't lift stuff that heavy and my mom and Akari are so tiny."

She laughs, "Got it. Thanks. Well, I'm really excited. Thanks for the invite."

After completing the calls, I go and use the restroom. On the way back, I notice a faint sound coming from Akari's room. I get closer to the door, and I can make out enough to tell that she's crying.

I knock on the door. "It's me, Akari. Do you want some company? I understand if you just want to be alone too. I'll just go back to my room if you don't answer."

I stand there for a few seconds, and just as I'm about to turn around, she opens the door. The light is off, she's wearing her bright pink pajamas. Her face is tear stained.

"You c-can come in."

She gets back in the bed, so I close the door behind me and get in it with her. She's done this for me before and it really helped. I hug her from behind.

"Is this about Michi?"

She's crying a little as she says, "Yeah. I just…I know breaking up with him was r-right. But I already miss him. He texted me he was sorry and he wants to b-be with me. That triggered this."

"You don't think there's any chance he could do better?"

"N-No. He had four chances to do b-better. He didn't. He j-just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand me. It doesn't mean he's a b-bad person. It does mean he isn't r-right for me."

"You're right."

"B-but I'm worried. He may not have been great with my anxiety… but he m-made me feel so g-good about myself. I'm a l-little worried I won't f-find someone else who thinks I'm so pretty."

"He wasn't some really unique guy for being attracted to you. There are a lot of guys out there who think the same about you, you just don't know it. Trust me, if you could read their minds…you'd see just how much they like you. It might be a little scary, but you'd know."

She giggles. "Y-yeah? I g-guess that may be true. He's still the f-first who really made me feel it, you know?"

"I do. And it stinks that it didn't work out."

She sighs. "It d-does. But it does feel right. It will be hard for a little bit. But I know it was the r-right thing."

"Agreed."

"Thanks for snuggling m-me. It helped."

I laugh, "It helped when you did it for me too."

She rolls over and smiles at me and says, "Good."

"So, Ai is coming tomorrow, and she is very excited about that. I think she has been a little jealous of our girls' nights for some time."

She laughs, "Yeah, that'll be nice."

The four of us are waiting in the parking lot for my mom.

"There's her car."

Carsten is looking at Ai like he's never going to see her again. He says, "I'm going to miss you, babe."

"You're going to see me tomorrow, you know."

"Well, yeah, but…"

"I'll miss you too, okay. But I'm also looking forward to this."

My mom pulls up and she gets out of the car and opens the trunk. She looks a little stressed.

"We have Carsten here, so we don't have to lift the wheelchair. Not until we get to the house, at least."

My mom looks relieved.

Carsten asks, "Is that the only reason I'm here?"

Ai responds, "No…not the only reason…You're also going to put me in the car."

Carsten scoffs.

My mom giggles, "Oh, I can tell I'm going to like you. Hi, Ai, I'm Kayoko's mom."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Nakai."

The two do have some similarities, that's for sure. Sometimes similar people hate each other, but that doesn't seem to be the case here.

Carsten picks up Ai and Akari opens the back door of the car.

She asks Ai, "Are you going to be okay when we g-get there?"

"Yeah, I don't have to have someone carry me for this. There's a board that Carsten will put in the trunk that I can use to do it on my own. But when I have this option, I do like it." She gives Carsten a quick kiss on the lips. "Thank you, babe. I'll see you tomorrow."

He sets her down in the seat and looks far too sad about their temporary parting.

I walk up behind him and pat him on the shoulder. "We'll take good care of her, okay Carsten?"

He smiles at me and hugs me and quietly says, "Yeah. Thanks for inviting her. She's really happy."

...

We're at my mom's house and got here without too much difficulty. Akari and my mom were able to team up on the wheelchair, so it wasn't too hard to get out of the trunk, and Ai is able to transfer herself from car to wheelchair using the board she mentioned.

My mom is cooking dinner, and I'm showing Ai around the house. And Akari too, but she's seen it before. Ai sees the family picture from a couple of years ago and studies it for a surprisingly long time.

"Oh, I guess you don't know. I'm adopted. That's why they don't really look like me."

"Oh? That's cool. I didn't know that. But that's not what I was thinking. I was thinking…your dad was really good looking."

Akari giggles.

I look from one of them to the other in exasperation. "Did you two plan this?"

Akari giggles again. "We really didn't."

"Plan what?" She pauses for a moment and then turns to Akari. "Oh, do you think he's hot too?"

She laughs, "Very."

I sigh, but I know mom loves this. I loudly say, "Mom!" so she can hear it from the kitchen.

"Yes, dear?"

"We have another admirer of dad in the house."

Just like last time, she appears next to us incredibly quickly.

She sighs happily as she gazes at him. "He was a good-looking man, that's for sure."

Ai says, "Yeah he was. You're a lucky woman."

She smiles broadly at Ai, "I am, aren't I?"

"Okay, what is it about my dad? Are all petite women into him or something?"

My mom giggles, "Not a bad theory given the three of us, but remember Saki was not exactly petite. She was built more like you. I think there were several other girls during our student days who had crushes on him too, and they weren't all petite. I think it's just all women. Well, the ones with good taste anyway."

The three of them giggle together while I roll my eyes. My mom goes back to the kitchen and the three of us go to the living room.

Ai asks Akari, "How are things going with Michi?

Oh yeah. I didn't tell her. I guess maybe it's better to hear from Akari anyway.

Akari looks down "We b-broke up. That's why we wanted to do a girl's night."

Ai gets a serious look on her face. Something that is rare. "I'm sorry. We'll talk about it with Kayoko's mom, right? So, you don't have to tell me anymore right now."

Akari nods. "I know it didn't work out in the end. B-but it wouldn't have happened at all without your double date idea and how you helped when you were there. That was amazing of you. And Carsten."

Ai smiles, "No problem. I have anxiety too, you know? I get that it can be hard. I was happy to help."

"Y-you have anxiety?!"

Ai laughs, "I do. Not the same as yours. Mine…kind of all revolves around this thing." She slaps the side of her wheelchair. "I have a lot of insecurities about my disability, basically. In some situations, I am incredibly anxious."

Akari nods, "Wow. I didn't know."

Ai laughs, "That's because I do everything I can to cover it up. How's stuff on the boys front for you Kayoko?"

"All's quiet on the boys front. The…situation with the jerk-who-shall-not-be-named really soured me on romance. I haven't looked at a guy and even thought about anyone that way since."

Ai says, "Yeah, I think I would probably feel the same after that guy."

Akari nods.

My mother comes into the room and in a mock formal voice says, "Ladies, your dinner is served."

This makes us all giggle as we head to the dining room.

Today it looks like my mom went with curry fried rice with tofu. As usual, it's amazing. Everyone is pleased. Also as usual, after we finish eating is when my mom is ready for the girl talk part of girls' night.

"So, Akari. I understand you and your boyfriend broke up?"

"Yeah. I b-broke up with him yesterday."

"What led to that?"

"Well, he c-couldn't understand my anxiety. I…think he tried. But he still didn't get it. I gave him lots of chances. But he always got upset with me for being anxious, and I had enough."

My mom nods, "That makes sense. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but it is important to find someone who understands you. I think you did the right thing."

Ai adds, "Yeah. I have some anxiety issues too. And if Carsten didn't get it, it wouldn't work. Um…it's embarrassing, but this is girls' night, right? So, I'll share." She looks to each of us, and we all nod in turn.

"When we were first dating, and we were apart for the summer I really convinced myself Carsten would find a girl who wasn't…wheelchair bound like me, and he would be much happier with her because it would be easier for him. I thought I wasn't good enough for him. And I had so much anxiety about it, to the point where I was anxious if he was slow to respond to a text. Luckily, Kayoko convinced me to talk to him about it, and he understood. He didn't call me crazy or anything. He just told me he understands that I feel that way sometimes, but that he loved me, and he didn't want to be with anyone else. I still sometimes get self-conscious about it. He doesn't make me feel bad about it. He doesn't say 'How many times do I have to tell you this isn't a problem!' He just tries to help make me feel better." She looks at Akari and concludes, "Anyway, my point is…He understands my baggage, and I think you did the right thing in breaking up with someone who didn't understand yours."

Akari was listening to every word intently. I think it's still hard for her to believe that Ai could be so insecure, but when she finishes, Akari says,

"Thanks a lot for sharing that. G-gives me an idea of what to look for when guys encounter my anxiety." She laughs, "M-makes me feel less crazy too to know that you have some issues."

My mom adds, "Me and Kayoko's dad both had a lot of baggage. Most of it related to grief. I lost my father, and he lost his first wife. I guess you could say we had matching baggage." We all giggle. "It helped us understand each other and that's a big part of why we worked. Pretty much everyone has baggage. It's part of who we are. We can try as hard as we can to make that baggage…smaller. And we can succeed some. But it's part of us, for better or for worse. So, for people to truly love us, they have to accept and love that part of us too."

We are all quiet for a few seconds following my mother's impressive display of wisdom. Then, Ai breaks the silence by saying, "Holy crap. You're good at this."

My mom laughs, "Thank you. To be honest, it sounds like both you and Akari had figured this out intuitively with your relationships. I just put it into words."

I laugh, "Whatever mom, you're good at it."

Akari nods, "Very."

After that we had ice cream. This time my mom had many flavors to choose from. My mom and Ai mixed multiple flavors together and they both teased me and Akari for only wanting chocolate.

Before long, my mom is ready for bed.

"So now that there's three of you, I think you should take the larger bed in my room. I'll sleep in Kayoko's room."

"Are you sure, mom? I can sleep on the couch or something. You don't have to give up your bed."

She smiles at me, "It's only one night, sweetie. I truly don't mind at all."

"Ai, are you okay with sharing the bed with me and Akari?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"Okay. Then we'll use your bed, mom. Thank you."

Akari and Ai thank her too.

We stay up a little bit longer chatting and watching stuff on TV.

Once I get into bed with one tiny girl on each side of me, Ai says.

"Thanks a lot for inviting me. I…know I'm just kind of your friend's girlfriend. And I'm not as close to you two as you are to each other. But it means a lot that you wanted me to come."

Akari scoffs and says, "You're not just our friend's girlfriend. M-maybe it started out that way. But we really like you."

"Thank you. I really like you two, too. Akari, since we're all being so open tonight…can I ask you something that I've been wondering about for a while?"

"Um…y-yeah."

"Did you ever like Carsten?"

Being in between these two right now MIGHT get awkward.

Akari is silent for several seconds, probably trying to decide whether to lie or tell the truth. But she's paused so long now that she really can't say no believably, so I hope she doesn't. Finally, she says, "I…d-did. Yeah. I'm sorry."

Ai responds, "You don't have to be sorry for that. I thought maybe you did when I looked back on things, like when you stopped coming to lunch. I'm sorry for…how we were when we were a new couple. That must have sucked. I basically made it so you couldn't have lunch with your friends for a while, and that was not cool of me. Even if I only figured it out after the fact."

I can hear Akari tearing up a little. It is really nice of Ai to realize how much she must have been hurting.

"Thank you for s-saying that. It was hard for a little while. But I don't like him anymore, p-promise."

Ai says, "Hey, Kayoko, can you move for a minute?"

"I guess so. But why? I'm pretty comfy, so you'll have to convince me. "

"You'll see."

"I guess I'm pretty easy to convince, huh?" I sigh and get up off the bed.

Ai pulls herself close enough to Akari to give her a little snuggle. Akari puts her arm around Ai too.

"It really means a lot to me that despite me...throwing myself at the guy you liked and getting with him, we managed to get here. Where we're friends. And you trust me with stuff you're struggling with. I…can't say for sure I would do the same if roles were reversed. I guess I'm just saying, I'm glad we're friends now."

Akari is still crying a little, as she sniffles before saying. "I'm glad too. It helps that you are a really good p-person who cares about me and my f-friends. That's what matters. So it wasn't that hard, in the end."

I interject. "Aww. You guys are cute. But I'm getting tired. Do you want the bed to yourselves? I could go sleep on the couch."

This makes them both giggle. Ai returns to the place where she was before, and I get back in the bed.

"Seriously though. That was great. The air is clear now. I sort of feel like a burden is off my chest just because I knew about the Carsten situation and could feel the tension, but I bet it feels even better for both of you."

They both say, "It does." at the exact same time, making us all laugh.

"You two are really in sync now, huh?"

Chapter Text

I'm visiting my mom this weekend. It's the first time I've done it without my friends in a while. My dad's parents are moving here today. My mom got them set up for most of their furniture in their new rental house, so moving for them should be easy. They still have some things they are bringing, though. They are about to arrive in a moving truck.

It's a good thing they hired movers, because two people in their 80s, a tiny woman who is almost 60, and someone who could dislocate joints just from lifting things that weigh more than 15 pounds don't make for a great group of movers. Even if I asked Carsten and Daisuke to help, it would be tough on them.

My mom and I are in the living room and we're both clearly anxious about their arrival. My mom is up with her arms behind her back and pacing, and looking out the window to see if she sees them. I'm sitting down and fidgeting.

"How are you feeling, mom?"

"Pretty good. Very antsy. I think once I'm done with anticipating their arrival and they are actually here, I will feel better."

"Yeah. What is the plan once they are here?"

"Well, I think they will want to rest. So, I was thinking I would direct the movers over at their house, and you would be here with them. They might want to nap, but if they don't, you'll be able to entertain them."

I laugh, "Yep. I can even play the piano for them. They always like that. I probably need to practice anyway."

She nods, "Then I thought we'd go over to their house after the movers leave and I'd make them dinner and get them settled."

I get up and hug my mom, "It all sounds well thought out. They're going to be so happy here."

She smiles up at me, "Yeah…I think so, too."

Just as we finish our conversation, we see the moving truck drive in front of our house. We go outside and see it pulling in front of their rental house. I stay behind while my mom goes and herds everyone. She sends my grandma and grandpa my way and begins directing the movers.

My grandparents light up when they see me. My grandma hugs me tight and says, "We're going to be neighbors, Kaychan!"

My grandpa laughs, "Don't squeeze the life out of the girl, dear."

He's…not exaggerating. My grandma's grip is surprisingly strong. Maybe it's just my weak joints, though.

He gives me a hug next. I really do find it hard not to sigh happily when he does. He's so much like my dad.

Afterwards, we go inside the house and get them settled in the living room.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

My grandma says, "I think we'd both like some tea." My grandfather nods.

I go to the kitchen and make them some tea, and by the time I get back I can see they've moved. They are looking at things around my piano. In particular, the picture on top of it.

I give them their tea and they sit down on the couch by the piano, and I sit down on the bench facing them.

My grandma says, "We always love that picture. We have it too, but it's still hard not to look at it."

I nod, "It is a good one. Such a big night in their lives. Just the other day mom and I were talking about how we wished we'd been there."

My grandpa smiles, "It was lovely. We were there, you know."

"Yeah, I guess you would have been. Was it as amazing as I imagine?"

My grandpa laughs, "Well, I can't say for sure what you're imagining…but I think I would guess it was even more amazing than you're thinking. Saki and Chisato were magnificent. It was so captivating. We didn't know that much about music, but there was just this electricity in the air. They commanded the room in a way we didn't know was possible. It was…one of the most amazing things I think I've ever seen."

My grandmother nods in agreement.

"Wow. Yeah…that sounds amazing. I guess that's why it got Saki into school. Well thanks, now I wish I was there even more."

He laughs, "Sorry."

"I've always wondered…did you know he was going to propose to Saki that night?"

My grandmother laughs wryly, "Not really. He told us he was seriously considering it and explained why. We gave him some tentative permission, but with the caveat that we'd discuss it more before it happened. So…we were a little shocked to find out the morning after the concert they were engaged. But…it was clear they were right for each other. So, we gave them our permission in the end."

I smile, "Yeah, obviously it worked out. But it is hard to believe they were only two years older than I am now and they got married."

My grandpa nods, "Yes, please don't get married at 18 like they did. It was a special circumstance."

I laugh, "Oh I know. I'm not planning on it. Don't worry."

My grandma smiles, "Are you dating anyone right now? I'm sure you must have many suitors."

I laugh, "I guess…I have had a couple. But I haven't found anyone I want to be with yet."

"Well, you can probably afford to be picky. So, do your best."

I laugh, "I will. Would you two like me to play the piano? I could use some practice anyway."

They both light up when I ask them and my grandfather says, "That would be lovely."

I play through the two songs I'm working on for the concert in just a couple of weeks. I've improved a lot thanks to Hideki.

When I finish, I hear applause and it sounds like someone else is in the room other than just my grandparents. When I turn around, I see that my mom's there too.

"That was very good, sweetie. We're all excited to see you perform with the band in a couple of weeks." She turns to my grandparents and smiles broadly at them. "Well, shall we go see your new home?"

My grandparents put down their tea and we head to their new house. They are very happy with it. My mom makes a nice dinner, my grandfather I play chess (I won), and we're all very pleased to be living so close to one another.

The concert is next weekend. I'm happy with the progress I've made with all my extra practice sessions. I'll get to perform, and I'm really excited for that. I'm going to get some extra practice today just to be safe, then I'm going to take a break from all the extra playing until the concert.

I'm in the band room on my own now, and Hideki will be joining me in a little bit for one last lesson. I finished running through the songs myself, so I'm going to run to the restroom before Hideki gets here. On my way out of the room, I almost trip on the base of a music stand. The lighting is dim enough here that it was hard to see. To evade the music stand I take one step to my left. But then my left foot lands on something unexpected just as I'm about to put it down. It's a flute case that I didn't see in the bad light. I start to fall.

This isn't fair. This. Isn't. Fair. THIS. ISN'T. FAIR.  THIS. ISN'T. FAIR.  THIS ISN'T FAIR!  THIS ISN'T FAIR!  THIS ISN'T FAIR!  THIS ISN'T FAIR!

My elbow hits the ground as I fall forward. I don't try to get up. I don't call for help. I don't even cry. I don't feel pain. My elbow is dislocated so it should hurt like hell. I don't feel anything though. I can't play in the concert. Despite all the work I did. Despite all of Hideki's help.

The universe takes everything from me. My dad did everything he was supposed to do to be healthy. The universe took him anyway. I do everything I can to avoid getting hurt. I go to physical therapy. I wear braces. I try to be very careful with how I walk. I do everything I can to make up for lost time so that I can perform well enough. But it doesn't matter. The universe takes music from me too. No matter how hard I try. No matter how good I try to be. It takes it all. I'm so sick of it. So, I'm just going to lay here on my stomach. Forever. I don't care anymore. About anything.

…

I'm not sure how long I have been lying here, but eventually I notice a concerned Hideki is on his knees next to me.

"What do you need to me to do, Kayoko?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just leave me. I don't care."

"You…you don't care?"

"Nope. I'm sick of this stuff happening. So, I'm just done, I think. Leave me alone."

He gets very serious and looks me in the eyes. Which takes some doing, since I'm lying on my stomach with my head turned to the side.

"Kayoko, it must…really suck, to have this happen now. I know how much you love music and how you were looking forward to playing. It's terrible this happened. But…there's more than musi-"

I interrupt him, knowing where this is going. "It's not just music. There's also my dad. He did everything he was supposed to do to live a long life with his condition. He didn't get to. So, why even try anymore, you know? That's why I'm done. Just...go away, Hideki. Leave me alone."

He grimaces, "Yeah, he was my science teacher. He was an amazing man. I won't pretend to know him that well because he taught me but…do you think this is what your father would want you to do? To just give up?"

He's right. It's not just my dad either. So many people who are important to me wouldn't want me to give up. They all knew how unfair everything is and they didn't give up. My dad had a heart condition that he knew might shorten his life. But he never gave up because of it. He lost his first wife to an unfair universe. But he found love again with mom.

Saki knew she was going to die young. Her condition kept her from playing music too, just like mine does sometimes. She didn't give up. She's kind of…who I want to be. I can't give up now if I want to be like her.

Then there's my mom, who might be the most impressive of all three. She lost her dad and her legs in a horrible crash. Instead of giving up she recovered faster than anyone thought possible. She became the Fastest Thing on No Legs. Then she lost my dad …that's probably the closest she got to giving up. I saw it myself. But she didn't. Now she's taking care of her parents, and my dad's, and me.

All three knew the universe was unfair and they all kept going. I think I can too.

I suddenly start crying. I can feel the excruciating pain in my elbow. I guess this is a good sign. It means I care again.

"What do you need me to do, Kayoko?"

I slowly roll on to my back. "Help…me…up."

He bends over on my good side. I wrap my arm around his neck, and he lifts me surprisingly effortlessly, yet delicately enough that my arm doesn't bounce too much.

"The nurse?"

I nod.

As he takes me across campus I look up at his face. It's filled with so much concern. He looks so upset. Upset for me. But there's also determination there. I can see that he would do anything to help me right now. He already did so much.

"Thank…you…"

He nods and smiles as he continues to carry me. We're close to the medical building now. It seems like he's out of breath. I guess it makes sense. He's going fast and I'm not exactly Ai or Akari. This is hard work.

He gets me there and luckily no one else is being seen. He puts me down on an empty bed. The nurse asks what happened. Just as I'm about to answer, I see that Hideki really doesn't look good. He's gasping for air and turning purple. He's starting to double over. I look at the nurse and urgently point to him using my good arm.

The nurse notices the situation just before I point. She runs to the back and comes back with some sort of inhaler. He takes it and uses it. The situation improves. He sits down on the ground and catches his breath. The nurse returns to my bedside.

"Okay, I'm going to help you with your elbow now." I nod.

Somehow, Hideki has managed to get himself up and he's next to me. He looks better by comparison, but he still looks like he's been through hell. I smile at him as best I can with all the pain.

"Hold…hand?"

He understands my somewhat cryptic request and gives me a really big smile of his own. He gives me his hand and I squeeze it while the nurse fixes my elbow.

The nurse goes to get ice and find me a new sling. Once the worst of the pain is over, I lightly slap him in the wrist with my good arm.

"Why did you do that!? I didn't know you had…." I pause, realizing I don't know for sure what it is.

"It's COPD."

"That. You could've really been in trouble."

He laughs wryly, "Well, you needed help. Plus, I knew I was coming to the medical building, and they'd take care of me. And they did. It all worked out, right? We're both fine."

I narrow my eyes at him, "I guess so." I put my hand on his arm. "Thank you. And…not just for carrying me and almost killing yourself. I was in a bad place back there. I guess you know that. You helped pull me out."

He smiles at me, "Yeah, I'm glad I could help."

"Well, thank you so much. You don't need to stay any more. I'm sure you're tired from everything. I'll call someone."

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you, Hideki."

"Uh…yeah, hey, no problem. Glad I could help."

He leaves the room and I call Akari. Once I'm fitted for my sling, I walk with her back to the dorms.

As we're walking, I realize something. Maybe it's some sort of damsel in distress complex, but I think I like Hideki. I've always thought he was cute. But he really helped me today. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't pulled me out of that…depressive state, or whatever it was. I'd probably still be lying there. Then he almost killed himself to get me to the nurse. Of course, that was probably unnecessarily risky given that my condition isn't dangerous and his is, but it still makes it hard for me not to feel something for him. Of course, last time I thought a guy liked me because he helped me when I got hurt, it didn't end so well...

...

Once I get back to my dorm, I call my mom to let her know the horrible news.

"Hey sweetie, how's piano practice going?"

I grimace, "Not well. Unfortunately, I fell and hurt my elbow."

"Shit. That really sucks. I'm sorry sweetie. How are you feeling?"

"Well…when it happened, I was…kind of ready to give up. On everything. But then Hideki showed up, pulled me out of the mental state I was in and rushed me across campus. After all that, I feel pretty good all things considered. I think I may have a thing for Hideki now, though." I laugh.

My mother scoffs, "I'm glad he helped you. He has liked you for a while, I think. So maybe having a 'thing' for him is a good thing?"

I sigh, "Really? You just keep saying that because he helps me with piano stuff. I don't know if he does."

"Whatever you say, sweetie. Either way, if you like him now, you should tell him."

"Mm…yeah, maybe. I'll think about it."

"You just do that. I'm sorry you hurt yourself at such a bad time."

"Thanks mom. Love you."

I hang up the phone and start to think about everything. Is she right about Hideki? He's two years older than me and he's really cute. And one of the nicest people I know. I guess in some ways it doesn't seem plausible. I didn't even consider it. I also sort of shut off the part of my brain that was interested in romance for a while there. Maybe I missed some things?

My mom has been right about…pretty much all other romantic situations in my life. So, I should probably put some stock in it.

He's helped me so much with piano this whole trimester, and I guess he has gone above and beyond. But I just thought he was a good mentor.

I guess he did seem like he wanted to stay with me today. But I thought he was just being overly polite; especially given how he must have been feeling.

Then there's how he looked when I told him I was giving up. How he looked while he was carrying me. How concerned he was about me.

I think…I think I would be really happy if he did like me. He's exactly the kind of guy I would want to be with.

I have my mom's take. I think I need to talk to Akari and Ai about this.

...

I'm with Akari and Ai in my dorm room.  They are seated on the bed while I'm standing and telling them everything that has happened today.

At the end, Ai says, "What do you think, Akari? I don't really know him, but you do a little bit at least, right?"

She nods and thinks for a second. "Hmm...he is a really nice guy, that makes it harder in a way. B-because he's nice to everyone." She pauses for a second. "B-but I think he probably likes you. He's nice and all, but the things he's done for y-you…they go b-beyond that. He stayed late and h-helped you with piano several days a week for several weeks. He met with you on weekends. Now I'm thinking he wanted to help you and spend time with you. And that's without even mentioning today."

Ai nods, "I think it's very likely he has feelings for you, too. I don't think a man risks his life for a woman if he doesn't. Even a nice one. I mean think about it. He knew he would be in some danger the moment he decided to take you to the nurse. He didn't care. He just had to help you. I think it sounds romantic."

I'm overwhelmed. I sit down in my desk chair and put my hand on my forehead with my eyes wide open. Literally and figuratively.

"I…I think you guys are right. I'm remembering other little things too now. He wanted me to go to the cafeteria with him a few times, and I turned him down. I just thought he was being nice, and I didn't want to bother him. He was adamant about me sitting next to him so I could visualize when I couldn't play. And…it helped, but he would sometimes brush against me slightly even though I was giving him a ton of space. I thought he was just a really animated piano player. Then there's everything you two just said."

Akari and Ai are both grinning ear to ear.

Ai says, "Well…with all that information. I'd say we're up to like a 99% chance he likes you. What do you think Akari?"

She laughs, "99.9, probably."

Now I smile too. "I don't want to get my hopes up too much. But…I feel pretty sure about it too, now."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I think…confess to him after band tomorrow."

The next day I get to band practice before Hideki does. I sit down on the bench since I'm unfortunately going right back to just visualizing. But…now that I feel the way I do about him, I think it will be much more fun. Eventually he arrives, and he smiles at me as he sits down next to me and says,

"You look pretty happy all things considered."

I smile, "Y-yeah…um…I do."

He laughs at my strange response.

Jeez. I used to be able to talk to him just fine. But now that I like him, I'm acting like an idiot. Great.

"Um…H-hideki, can you stay after band today? I want to do something to thank you for y-yesterday."

"You don't have to do that, Kayoko."

"Uhm…I know, but I want to. So, just stay for a little after? Please?" I break out a pouty face I've seen my mom use a million times. It seems like it worked.

He laughs and says, "Okay. I will."

During practice, I do a few things to feel things out a little more. For one thing, I gradually scooted myself closer to him, so he'd brush against me even more. For another, I may have intentionally moved my leg just enough for his elbow to make contact with it once. He got a little flustered and blushed. He didn't make any mistakes while he was playing, though. He's good.

After practice, Hideki stays behind like I asked him to. I wait for everyone else to leave. We stay sitting on the bench together. Waiting for everyone to leave is agonizing. I'm getting more anxious by the second.

But he almost definitely likes you, Nakai. Don't be too anxious.

Eventually, everyone's gone, and I put my good arm on his shoulder, and I say,

"Thank you so m-much for yesterday. I…probably wouldn't be in a good place right now. Mentally or physically w-without you."

He smiles at me, "I was happy to help you. I'm glad you're doing better now. If…you ever want to talk about your dad, or anything else that's bothering you. I'd be happy to listen."

My God this boy is perfect. Could he really like me? An awkward girl two years younger than him?

"Y-yeah. I'd like to talk to you."

What does that even MEAN, Nakai!

He smiles and says, "Oh um…well, I'd like that."

I need to stop beating around the bush here. The more I do, the more I'm going to mess this up. I just need to say it.

I take a deep breath and decide to go for it.

I tighten my hold on his shoulder a little bit and look him in the eyes. Then I say, "What I've been trying to say here is…I…really like you Hideki…"

He looks really surprised for a moment, but then smiles ear to ear. It's adorable. "I like you too. I have for some time." He laughs, "I really didn't think you liked me, though. I felt things out a few times and felt like I got rejected. I mean, you basically threw me out of the medical building yesterday."

WHY is my mom ALWAYS right?! Although in this case, at least it's a good thing.

I blush, look down, and take my hand off him. "Y-yeah…I'm really sorry. I thought all those times you were just being nice, and I didn't want to bother you. I was sort of…not in a place where I wanted to be dating for a while. Also, um…you're so cute…and I didn't even consider that's what you were doing. I'm sorry I made you feel rejected." I put my hand back on his arm. "But I'm not rejecting you now. I want to be your girlfriend. If you want me to be."

He smiles broadly and says, "I'd like that."

Exhilarated by his returned feelings, I try to kiss him, but he pulls away. My heart sinks.

"Kayoko, I really like you. And I want to kiss you. And be your boyfriend. But I want to be fully open with you before anything happens between us. I'm only going to be here for a few more months. For a lot of that time, I'll be studying and taking tests. Then I'm going to university in the United States. I guess I'm saying…If we started something, I don't think it would last beyond graduation. And even when I am here…we may not see each other as much as we might like."

I smile at him as I feel some tears welling up inside of me.

This is going to be hard. Especially if I really fall for him. But I don't care right now. That's a problem for future Kayoko. I'm living in the present.

"It's sweet of you…to tell me all that up front. You being so honest and caring…it's a big part of why I like you. So, all of that stuff you just told me? It mostly just made me want to kiss you more."

I try to kiss him again and he pulls away again. I sigh with frustration.

"I'm sorry, I…just want to make sure. You're okay with the fact that…this relationship we might have, it doesn't have much of a future."

"Yes. I mean…it sucks, don't get me wrong. Having an expiration date on a relationship isn't ideal. But...I think you're amazing. So, I want to be with you if I can. For as much time as we have. I understand it won't be forever. Or even more than a few months. But I want it while I can have it."

This time, he comes in for a kiss and I pull away. He scoffs playfully and smirks at me because he knows I'm just paying him back now.

After teasing him for a few more seconds, I lean in for the kiss. This time, no one pulls away.

Chapter Text

I'm leaving the performing arts building with Hideki. We're holding hands and both smiling like idiots. We just had our first kiss on a piano bench, and it was wonderful. He's cute and nice. Everything about this is so…perfect.

Of course, there's the fact that our relationship will at the longest, only last until graduation, but I think I'm just going to push that to the back of my mind for the next three months.

I have a boyfriend. One that really cares about me. He's already shown me that. And I really care about him. That's all that really matters right now.

As we leave the building, I notice that Akari and Ai are waiting a little way up the path outside the building. I guess they were so invested in this they had to see the outcome. Ai really had to go out of her way to be here too.

This is a little embarrassing, but oh well. I don't think it's going to bother Hideki.

I whisper to him, "Um…it seems a couple of my friends were waiting to see what was going to happen. That's them up there. I guess you already know Akari a little bit, but would you like to meet them?"

He laughs and says, "Sure."

I gesture that it's okay for them to come. I've seen Ai move at high speeds before, but this is the fastest I've ever seen. So, she reaches us first. We're still holding hands and she's looking at our hands with a huge smile on their face.

"So…are you two?"

To my surprise, Hideki answers. "Yep. We're boyfriend and girlfriend."

Ai squeals at such a high pitch that I'm surprised that dogs don't come running. Akari then reaches and immediately understands what the squeal means judging from the smile on her face.

I laugh, "Um…Hideki. This little, loud speed demon is Ai, and you know Akari."

He says, "Nice to meet you, Ai. And I look forward to getting to know you better, Akari."

"Y-yeah, m-me too."

"Would you two ladies like to join us in the cafeteria?"

Of course he's going to be nice to my friends, even when they are embarrassing.

Akari and Ai look at each other, and Akari responds, "Um…no. We'll l-let you two be alone. S-some other t-time though!"

Thank goodness for that.

Akari and Ai take off for the dorms, while we head towards the cafeteria.

"I know it's nothing special to go to the cafeteria. We'll have a real date soon, I promise. But I am hungry, and I think it will be kind of funny to finally take you there. Since I've probably asked you three or four times before and you said no every time."

I pout, "You're going to hold that over me for the entire relationship aren't you."

He laughs, "Maybe."

"I'm sorry, okay! I'm young and inexperienced. I didn't pick up on your more mature ways of flirting."

He laughs, "Hey, it's okay. It all worked out."

When we get to the cafeteria, there's almost no one else there. We get our food and sit across from each other. But we don't waste much time with silence. I don't know if it's because we know we only have so much time, or just because we're both so excited.

He asks, "So, when did you realize you liked me?"

"Um…well. I thought you were really cute the day I met you. But I didn't really start to have feelings, or at least notice them…until yesterday."

He laughs and says, "I thought you were beautiful the day I met you."

I'm pretty sure I am bright red now. "Really? When did yours turn into feelings?"

He thinks for a moment, "Probably two months ago. That's when I really started trying to see if you liked me. As you know, my efforts were met with failure."

I stick my tongue out at him, "How many times are you going to bring that up on our first day as a couple?"

He laughs, "I dunno yet. We'll see."

"You know you could have just bit the bullet and confessed. I'm just saying. It can't all be on me."

He sighs, "Yeah. I know. I might be older than you but…I'm not that much more experienced, I don't think. You're my first girlfriend. So…I was scared to do it. That's why I was trying to find something that would give me a little courage."

Adorable.

I reach out for his hand, and he gives it to me, "You're my first boyfriend too. If that wasn't obvious. But it sounds like we were both kind of silly. I didn't even consider the possibility you'd be interested in me, and you kind of did the same. Come to find out we like one another."

He laughs and says, "Yeah, that's true."

I need to ask him something, especially after what I saw yesterday. It's a little awkward. But he'll understand.

"I know this is an awkward subject…but if we're going to be spending time together, can you tell me some about your condition? In case I need to help you, I mean." I laugh, "I guess you already know how to help me."

"I don't really talk about it with anyone. I know that's a little strange here. But that's how it's been."

I feel a little hurt but try to hide it.

I guess this relationship is…only temporary. Makes sense, I guess.

"Oh…well, that's okay…then."

"But I'll talk to you about it once we are somewhere private."

"R-really? Why me?"

"Well, you're my girlfriend now, right?"

I laugh and say, "Yep."

He notices we've both finished eating. He starts gathering our things up to put in the trash and return our trays. Which I appreciate in my one-armed situation.

"Hey, do you wanna come hang out in my room now?" His eyes get wide when he realizes what he said. "I don't mean for…anything. I just want to talk to you more. Get to know you better. I have wanted to for a long time."

I giggle and say, "Yeah. That sounds nice."

...

I am in a boys' dorm room. A really cute super nice boy's dorm room. My boyfriend's dorm room.

He sits down on the desk chair. I think he is trying to avoid pressuring me to sit on the bed with him which is very sweet. I'd really like to snuggle with him in the bed, though. Maybe we'll get there later.

I sit down on the bed and look around his room a little. Unsurprisingly, there is a lot of music stuff. There's a poster that looks like ancient musical notation or something. It kind of looks like the notes we use, but a little off. He notices me staring at it.

"Trying to read the music? You kind of can, it isn't too different than what we use. The notes are just little dots, and there isn't a scale like we're used to, or a time signature. But if you imagine the scale and just look at the dots as notes, it's kind of the same."

I do what he says, and it starts to make some sense.

"What is that…exactly?"

"It's a medieval European manuscript page. If you look closer, you can see words in Latin. It's a song monks would have sung in the middle of the night, basically."

"Wow, that's really cool. That's who invented musical notation?"

"Yep, pretty much."

I look around some more. "You also have a lot of books in English. Your English must be really good."

" My mom was born in the U.S. She's Japanese, but Japanese-American. She spoke English with me growing up, my dad spoke Japanese. My mom really wants me to go to university in the U.S."

"That's really neat. You're going to study music, I'm guessing?"

"Yep. I had my audition at Juilliard over the summer holidays. That's where I will be going."

"Wow! That's like…the best piano school…in the world, right?"

He laughs, "One of them, I guess."

"Don't be modest. I knew you were amazing at piano, which I already thought was sexy. But I think you're even sexier now that I know you're going there." I wink at him.

He blushes and says, "Thank you."

Adorable. Just calling him sexy makes him blush.

He adds, "Um…I should probably mention, given what we talked about in the band room, that I won't actually be here all the way through graduation day. I'm leaving two days early to start the Spring term over there."

Oh. Already two days fewer than I was thinking…

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind. So, you already got in there, but you still have to do examination hell? That's rough."

He sighs, "It's a compromise between my parents that I for some reason have to honor even though I never agreed to it. My dad will only let me go if I pass all the tests here, and an entrance exam to a university. So yeah, I still have to do all of it."

"That sucks."

He nods, "It does indeed. But it'll be okay. What do you want to do?"

Make out with you on this bed.

"Like, in life?"

He nods.

"I don't know yet. I'd like to do piano too, but…that's proving…challenging." I point to my arm in a sling. "I think maybe I might shift to composition when I go to university, especially if this keeps happening. I…kind of have a role model who made that switch because she had a condition that made it hard for her to play. But I also really like science. Sometimes I think I'd like to teach it, like my dad did."

"Those are all really good options. Since I know we want to talk about our conditions, can I ask about yours?"

"Sure. But you already– Oh. I guess you don't really know about it other than I get hurt all the time, huh?"

He nods.

"It's genetic. It's called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I have the hyper mobile type. Basically, my joints don't like to stay where they are supposed to. I dislocated my elbow yesterday."

"That…seemed incredibly painful."

"Oh, it is. That's why I needed to squeeze your hand. It is painful and affects my mobility. There are lots of things that normal people can do that I can't because of the injury risk they pose. But generally, it isn't something that puts my life at risk."

He nods, "Mine's genetic too. COPD stands for Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. Basically, my lungs don't work correctly. I can control it mostly with inhalers and stuff. I don't talk to people about it much because most people know it as a condition that people get from smoking too much or inhaling dangerous chemicals. So, people look at me sometimes like my parents must have abused me, or I must have started smoking when I was five years old or something. I have a rare genetic kind that basically gives me the lungs of someone who smoked for decades without smoking at all. Lucky me."

"So, do you usually have an inhaler with you for emergencies? Like if we were together and you had an attack, I could just find it on you?"

He nods, "Yep. I usually have it." He grimaces, "But uh…yesterday I was so nervous about seeing you that I…kind of left it here."

Okay I can't take us being this far apart anymore. I need to be touching him.

"Hideki, can we lie down in your bed together? I just…really want you to hold me. If that's okay. We can keep talking."

He smiles and says, "Y-yeah. I'd like that."

He comes and sits down next to me. He takes a moment to give me a sweet little kiss, and then he scoots back to the wall. I get on my side and move myself towards him. I have to sort of shimmy because of my bad arm. When I'm close enough he puts his arms around me. I snuggle into him a little more.

"This is really nice. I wanted to be close to you. Thank you."

"Yeah. I like it too."

I sigh happily.

"H-how experienced are you…with stuff?"

"You mean…romantic stuff?"

I nod.

"Well, not very. I've made out a couple of times. That's as far as I've gone. You?"

"I've only kissed. Not even made out. N-not even um…with tongue."

I roll over to face him, hoping he will get that it is an invitation. He does.

I feel his lips against mine like I did in the band room, but he's pressing more firmly. It also feels great now that his arms are around me at the same time. It's too bad I only have one arm that works right now, and it really isn't in a position for me to put it around him.

After we do this for a little while, I feel his tongue gently enter between my lips. I meet his with mine. This sensation feels really good. Really intimate. And he's so gentle. This is special. This goes on for quite some time.

Only when we stop kissing do we realize how long it must have lasted. It is pitch black outside. I check the time and its 20 minutes until curfew. Stupid curfew.

He sounds disappointed when he says, "I guess you have to go soon, huh?"

I sigh, "I guess so. But we still have a little time."

I roll back over, and he holds me like he was earlier. I feel so comfortable with him. Everything feels natural. Like I'm supposed to be with him like this.

An alarm that I don't recognize is going off. I open my eyes and am confused for a moment as I see a sunlit room I am not familiar with. But then I remember where I am. And whose arms are around me.

I turn around and kiss him on the lips and say, "It's time to wake up." He opens his eyes and looks confused for a moment too before he pulls me in for another kiss. Then he says, "Woops."

I sit up and yawn. "Woops is right. I have to get back to my dorm and change and stuff before school." I look at him. "But hey, it was really nice sleeping with you last night."

He laughs, "Yes, it was."

I get up and he does too. He hugs me and kisses me again. I like it so much every time he touches me or kisses me. I'm glad there's a lot more of that in my future.

But…not that far into the future.

"Have a nice day. See you at band." He winks.

I giggle, "Yes, I have a feeling band is going to be more interesting than usual."

I manage to drag myself out of his room despite not really wanting to leave. I very clearly slept in my uniform, and I am getting some looks from guys in the dorm. This is the stuff rumors are built on. But whatever. I'm on Cloud 9.

When I get to my door and start to unlock it, I hear Akari's door open.

She smiles, but also looks just a little worried. "You were g-gone all night! Did you…?"

I unlock the door and invite her in while I change.

"Talked a lot, made out some, then fell asleep together. It was really nice."

"Th-that's good. I'm glad. You t-two were really cute yesterday. I was a little worried, you didn't answer texts or anything. But I f-figured it was something like that."

I pull out my phone. Sure enough I have a few worried texts from Akari and a couple missed calls from my mom.

"Crap. Sorry, Akari. I sort of forgot I had a phone...somehow. Really got swept up in things. I should have let you know where I was. I'm sure my mom's worried too. I'll do better next time."

She nods and says, "I understand."

I am now fully dressed and it's only now that I realize she has been waiting to hug me until I reached that point. She looks up at me and smiles.

"I'm really happy for you. I can already s-see that you are just…overjoyed. And I am s-so happy to see it."

I hug her back. "Thank you. He's…great. It seems sort of surreal." I break the hug. "There is one…downside, though. I don't want to tell too many people, but I want to tell you."

I sit down on the bed, and she sits down next to me. "He graduates soon. And then he's moving to the U.S. He got into Juilliard. So…he's gonna go and be amazing over there, which I think is great. But because of that, we both went into this knowing…it won't last past graduation."

Akari's happy face turns very sad, "Wh-what? That's…less than three months."

I frown for a moment, "I know. But I think it's worth it. I'll be with him as long as I can."

"B-but…won't that hurt?"

I sigh, "Probably. But if it does, that kind of means it was worth it, right? I just…I'm trying to live in the present with this. I'll worry about that stuff when it happens."

Akari smiles, but it's at least a little forced. "Okay. Well, I th-think if that's what you want, then you should d-do it. I'll support you."

"Thank you. I…know it's a little crazy. But it's what I want."

I check the time, "Okay, I'm going to call my mom because I'm sure she's worried too. I um…don't think I'm going to tell her about the…graduation thing. Not yet. So…you will really be the only one who knows."

Akari nods, "Okay, I w-won't tell. I'll see you at lunch."

She leaves my room and I call my mom,

"Hey sweetie, fall asleep early last night?"

"Well, yes. But uh…I wanted to tell you that I have a boyfriend."

In a gloating tone of voice she says, "Oooo, Is it Hi-dek-i?"

"Did you really have to elongate his name like that?"

"Yes. I did. It is him, isn't it?"

I sigh, "Yes, mom. You were right."

"Well, I'm very happy for you sweetie. I like him from everything I've heard. So…last night when you didn't answer…were you…?"

"I was with him, yes. But we mostly talked and snuggled and then fell asleep together."

"Mostly?"

Why did I have to say mostly?

"Yes mom, you don't need all the details, okay. But no, we didn't have sex. Since that's what you're asking."

"Okay fine. Well. I expect to meet him soon, you know. I'm sure your grandparents will too."

I…wonder whether we'll be doing that. Or if the nature of our relationship means he won't want to meet her. Why meet the family of your temporary girlfriend? I should give a non-committal answer, I guess.

"Yes, I know. You will. Maybe after the winter holidays or something. He's got…the concert and stuff, and then that. So yeah."

"Okay dear. Talk to you later. Love you."

"Love you too, mom."

...

I had a hard time focusing in my morning classes. I mostly just found myself thinking about Hideki, and how wonderful it was to sleep in his arms last night. Man, school's harder when you have a boyfriend.

At lunch, Ai is super disappointed that Hideki isn't coming.

"But…why? I wanted to talk to him. Tell him I'd hit him with my wheelchair if he hurt you. You know, the normal stuff."

I giggle, "I sort of forgot to invite him. I'm sure he'll come to lunch at some point."

Are we…spending time with each other's friends? I mean he was nice to them yesterday and everything, but it was sort of forced on him. …is that something you also don't do when you know your relationship is temporary? I thought I was going to be able to just ignore this for a while. But I've already got some questions for him for later.

...

It's time for band now. This will be interesting. I beat Hideki to the room and sit on the piano bench. Akari looks my direction and winks at me, and I can't help but giggle. It is funny that we sit next to each other for all of band. Hideki arrives a few minutes before it starts, and he gives me a quick kiss before taking a seat next to me. I guess we're public, which I'm perfectly happy with.

I giggle and in a stiff voice I say, "Hello there, fellow band-member. What are you doing after band?"

He pretends to think for a second. "Hanging out with my girlfriend, I think. Sorry, were you hitting on me?"

I giggle. Luckily there's enough commotion in the band room right now with everyone getting out their instruments and such that my undoubtedly annoying girlfriend giggle isn't getting much attention.

He says, "But seriously though, I thought we could get some food, then go hang out in your room this time."

"Sounds good to me."

Band practice is a lot more fun when you get to watch your extremely attractive boyfriend do the thing that he is best at in the whole world. And the fact he got into Juilliard probably means he's one of the best at it in the whole world.

After band, we hold hands as we walk to the cafeteria again. On the way there I ask, "When do you leave for the winter holidays?"

He says, "The day of the concert unfortunately. I'll be back on the 1st though. So just gone about a week."

A week in a normal relationship wouldn't be too bad. But for us it's about 10% of the time we have left. That's kind of rough.

"Okay, that's cool. My mom just lives here, and my grandparents just moved here too, so I'll be in town whenever you get back."

"That's cool. I'd like to meet them."

"You would?"

"Yeah, is that weird?"

"I dunno…I told my mom about you, and she said she wanted to meet you. And then I thought…maybe he doesn't want to meet my family since…you know…only until graduation."

He lets go of my hand and turns around to face me, so I stop walking. "I know our relationship is…kind of different… But I don't want to do anything different because of that. Does that make sense?"

I nod. "Yeah. I think so. I want you to meet them. I just wasn't sure. But that works for me."

He gives me a quick kiss and says, "Good."

He takes my hand, and we keep walking, "So that means you're good with us meeting each other's friends, and stuff, too?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Okay, that's good. Because Akari lives right across from me. You'll definitely be seeing her tonight."

He laughs, "That sounds good. She's incredible on the horn. That's about all I know about her though, so it will be nice."

...

After we eat, we head up to my room. I sit on my bed first, and thankfully he just sits down next to me instead of sitting in my desk chair.

"Why do girl's rooms always smell so nice?"

I laugh, "I dunno. I guess we smell better. We use more scented things too. Like lotion and stuff."

He sees the capybara, grabs it, and gives it a squeeze. "This guy's cute. He gets to sleep with you every night?"

I laugh, "Yep. Are you jealous?"

"A little. Sleeping with you last night was…really amazing."

I laugh, "Out of context that sounds a lot less wholesome than it actually was, but I agree."

He comes in for a kiss but then there's a knock on the door. It's Akari. I want her to spend time with him, but I would have liked for this kiss to happen first.

"Come on in, Akari."

Akari opens the door and sees us sitting on the bed very close to each other.

She turns a little red and says, "Oh…am I…interrupting?"

Hideki laughs, "Nope. We're just hanging out. Do you want to join us?"

"Um…I…don't want to be in the w-way, though."

"You won't be. You're Kayoko's best friend, right? I'd like to spend time with you."

"O-okay." She sits down on the desk chair.

"I wanted to tell you that you're really amazing in band. In my three years here, I haven't seen a first year in band as good as you at any instrument. And I haven't seen many third years as good as you either."

Akari blushes and then smiles, "Th-thank you. I really love to play. You are amazing, too. I heard you got into Juilliard. That's great!"

"Thank you. I think if you keep at it, you will have a good chance to get in there too."

"R-really?"

"Yep. You're really good."

"Th-thanks.

"I tell her all the time, but a third year who's going to Juilliard telling her seems to be having more of an impact."

Akari laughs, "Hey, I like it when you tell me. But it is n-nice to hear from someone new."

"Hey Hideki, what do you normally do for lunch?"

"Usually just eat in the cafeteria with a couple friends."

"Okay. Well, we usually have ours on the quad if you want to come sometime. It's usually me and Akari and Ai, who you met, and her boyfriend Carsten."

"Sounds like fun. I will have lunch there tomorrow."

Akari says, "W-won't your friends miss you?"

He laughs, "Maybe a little. They are mostly just happy I 'finally' have a girlfriend as they put it. I probably shouldn't ditch them every day, but every now and then should be fine."

"Th-that will be nice then." Akari gets up, "Well…I'm tired. I think I'm g-going to turn in. It was nice hanging out."

She is doing what I did when she had a boyfriend. She isn't really that tired but doesn't want to cut in on our time too much. She knows that our time is extremely limited, so it's pretty nice of her.

"Okay, 'night Akari."

"Yeah goodnight. Was nice talking to you."

Akari leaves and closes the door.

I turn to him and say, "Now…where were we?"

He laughs, "I think I was jealous of your stuffed animal." He picks it up again. "And then, I was gonna do this."

He kisses me softly with one hand cradling my face. He pulls away and smiles, I smile back.

"I really like how you kiss me. And touch me. Can we snuggle like yesterday?"

He smiles, "I'd like that."

We get into the same position as yesterday and I love it.

"You're better at this than my capybara."

"Capywhatnow?"

I giggle, "The stuffed animal."

"Oh. Well good. I didn't like how he was looking at me earlier. Hey, Kayoko, can I ask you about something…kind of serious?"

"Um…I guess so."

"Those…thoughts you were having. When you fell in the band room. Do you have those a lot?"

I roll over to face him. "Um…not quite like that usually. That was…probably the lowest I've ever been. But…I do sometimes feel like…life's not fair. Mostly when I think about my dad. Sometimes…it makes me question stuff. Like…sometimes I think 'why bother if the world is going to be like this?' That's what you saw the other day."

He brushes my hair out of my face and intently looks me in the eyes. "Okay. If you have thoughts like that again, you should consider maybe trying therapy. They have good people here who can help. They've helped me."

"Okay. Therapy has helped my mom. I haven't tried it much. What do you go to therapy for? If that's not too personal."

"Depression. I had…a really hard time with my condition. I transferred here in the middle of my first year because it suddenly got bad. I felt like…my parents had ditched me because it was easier for them. I…felt like things were unfair too, like you were saying that day. I wanted to just give up because it didn't seem like it mattered what I did. No matter what I would still have attacks. I still feel like that sometimes."

He really cares about me. He wouldn't tell me something so personal if he didn't. He wouldn't be so worried about me either. I really care about him too. It's our second day together and I think I'm already really falling for him. This…this might really hurt.

I smile at him. "Thank you for telling me about that. It does sound like me in a lot of ways. I think you're right. I probably do need to go and talk to someone about it."

He smiles, "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. You know what else is a good idea?"

"What?"

"Us sleeping together again, I think."

I blush and say, "I'd like that." I giggle, "We can actually plan for it this time too."

He smiles and gets up, "Yeah. I'm going to go get my pajamas and stuff. Then I'll be back. Sound good?"

I get up and pull him down for a quick kiss and say, "It sounds very good."

Chapter Text

It's the day of the concert.

The week since Hideki and I got together has been nothing short of amazing. He's come to lunch with my friends a couple of times, and we've slept together every night since we became a couple. We usually spend an hour or two talking and kissing too. Falling asleep and waking up in his arms gives me the best feeling I've ever felt.

He is leaving after the concert today for about a week. I'm already going to miss him a lot. It scares me, since I know the feeling is going to be magnified in about two and a half months. But I'm so happy when I'm with him. It will be worth it.

I'm still really disappointed I don't get to perform in the concert, but the consolation prize is that I get to watch my boyfriend and best friend perform, and they both have moments when they get to shine.

My mom and my grandparents are coming, and so are Hideki's parents. While it will be quick, we are planning on introducing each other to our families after the concert. Right now, I'm waiting for my mom and grandparents to arrive in the parking lot.

I'm pretty happy when I see my mom's car down the road. It is pretty cold, and I've been waiting for a while. She parks and she and my grandparents seem very excited. I think it is probably more about getting to meet my boyfriend than it is the concert.

I give them all hugs, and we walk towards the performing arts center.

My grandma says, "So, this boy will be playing the piano? I want to know who to watch closely."

I laugh, "Yes, grandma. You can watch him all you want."

My grandpa grabs her hand, "But not too closely dear. Remember you are a married woman!"

My mom giggles. "Oh, let the woman watch. She's not going to leave you after 60 years."

Now we've reached the concert hall. I guide them to what I think are the best seats for the acoustics.

After I do I say, "I'm um…gonna go wish my band-mates good luck."

My mom says, "Oh? Is that all?" And she and my grandmother giggle.

I roll my eyes at them. "Whatever. I'll be back soon."

I head to the back where everyone is getting ready to go out to the stage. I find Akari first and I'm about to say something to her when she points me in Hideki's direction. I guess that means she wants me to talk to him first.

He is dressed in a very sharp suit. I tap his shoulder from behind and he turns around with a big smile for me.

I pull him down for a kiss. "That's for good luck. Not that you'll need it."

He laughs, "I dunno. I could maybe use a little more."

This time he kisses me, and I giggle. I giggle a lot around him.

"Okay, well I better get going."

He nods and says, "See you after."

I don't even know if we'll get to kiss again until after the break because he and his parents have to rush out of here to catch a train. But he'll be back before too long and there will be many more kisses.

On my way back to the concert hall I stop and hug Akari. She has a really big moment in the performance. They are playing Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony, and as the first chair French horn, she has a solo that lasts for about two minutes. She's really excited about it, and I am too.

She asks, "Y-you can stop and see my parents before we go, right? We are meeting in front of the dorm, after, b-because I have to get a few things before we leave."

"Yep, I should be able to swing by after Hideki and I do our quick family introductions, I'm really excited to see you perform tonight."

She smiles and says, "Thanks. I'm excited too."

I return to sit with my family, who all look very happy about everything. My mom winks at me and says, "So…did you make sure that he…I mean they will have good luck?"

I roll my eyes and simply say, "Yep."

The hall continues to fill for a few minutes. I know that Akari's parents are here somewhere, but I can't see them. The place is packed. I think her dad is really going to like what he sees and hears tonight. I'm less certain about her mother.

Hideki's parents are here somewhere too, but I don't even know what they look like. Still, nice to know they are here somewhere, and I'll be meeting them soon.

The concert begins with one of the songs I would have gotten to play, and it's hard for me not to be bitter about it, even with Hideki playing. But I do my best to just enjoy watching him. I have an easier time enjoying the other songs and Hideki, as you'd expect, plays incredibly well.

The last song of the program is Tchaikovsky's Fifth Symphony. As much as I like Hideki, I think I'm more excited for Akari's solo than anything. I've heard her play it before of course, and it sounds amazing, but it's much different in a setting like this one thanks to the acoustics and the atmosphere. I enjoy the song as we progress towards the time for her solo, but I'm impatient because I want to hear it so badly. Finally, the time comes for my best friend to shine.

(Author's Note: Listen to Akari's Solo)

People often say that a French horn is the soul of an orchestra. I always thought it was something pompous French horn players came up with. But listening to Akari's performance, I think I know what they mean. She produces such a warm, pleasant timbre as she plays. The sound reverberates perfectly through the hall, especially with us in the acoustic sweet spot. She is commanding the room in every way. People are speechlessly, breathlessly listening to her. Even my mother, who knows very little about music. I look at my grandparents, and I wonder if they are feeling the same sort of electricity they felt the night of Saki and my aunt's performance. They are certainly captivated. This is better than any of the times I've heard her play it. And one of the best things about it is how happy and confident she looks as she progresses through it.

Eventually, the time comes for her solo to end and I can feel the audience is just as disappointed as I am. Akari really is incredible. She's only a first year, and she just did that. Once the song is completed there's plenty of applause. My grandfather leans over to me and says, "I've only felt like that listening to music once before, and it was here," as if reading my mind from earlier. This impresses me even more.

"Yeah…that was amazing. I'm really happy for her."

...

The concert just ended, so I turn to my family and say, "Okay, I need to go and meet Hideki's parents quickly, and then I'll bring him back to meet you. See you all out front." They all smile excitedly.

I really want to congratulate Akari right away, because what she did was the most amazing musical performance I've ever seen in person. But she knows that I need to rush to meet Hideki's parents, and I can congratulate her later.

As I'm heading to meet them in our planned location, I see that Akari is surrounded by people who are congratulating her for her performance. She is standing in front of the stage and has her back to it. At first, I'm really happy for her to get this recognition. But then I see her face through the sea of people. Her eyes are filled with fear and she's clutching her chest and breathing hard. She's doing her best to keep people from noticing, and trying to talk to them, but it isn't going so well. This must be a nightmare for her. I divert myself from my path to try to pull her away from all the people, but before I get there she falls over and hits her head on the side of the stage. Everyone gasps and I push my way through. She's bleeding on her temple where she hit her head. She must have fainted from hyperventilating. How did these people not notice what they were doing to her? I can't get her to the nurse on my own, even without a sling. I could call the emergency number, I guess. I look around and see a familiar face. He is sitting in the front row and looking at his phone, probably waiting for a turn to congratulate Akari once the mob is gone.

"Carsten!"

He looks up, confused for a moment and then sees me crouched with the unconscious Akari and his eyes go wide, and he scrambles to his feet and comes so quickly his girlfriend would be proud.

Before I can tell him to, he picks her up and says, "I'm taking her to the nurse."

I say, "I'm coming with you" and I follow him.

On the way out of the building I see my family waiting excitedly.

I quickly stop and say, "Akari got hurt, I'm going with her to the nurse. I don't think you'll meet Hideki today."

My mother's excited smile transforms into a concerned frown as she asks, "Is she alright?"

I start walking as I answer the question, anxious to find out the answer to myself. "She fainted and hit her head. I have to go."

Carsten is way ahead of me now, which is good. But I really can't keep pace with him. Even with a prosthetic leg, he's moving fast.

My mom shoos me along and gives me a look to let me know not to worry about them meeting Hideki.

Hideki! He doesn't know where I am, and his parents are waiting to meet me. I'll have to text him when I get to the nurse. I can't risk doing it while I'm walking.

Once I get there, she is in a bed in the examination room and the nurse is already with her and putting pressure on the spot where she hit her head. She's still unconscious. I'm not sure if it's because she fainted or because she hit her head. Or both. Carsten is sitting down next to Ai on a chair in the corner of the room. I guess I shouldn't be surprised Ai beat me here, she must have seen Carsten when he left the building. They are holding hands, and both look really shaken up. Carsten has some of Akari's blood on the arm of his shirt.

I walk up to them and pat Carsten on the back, "Good job getting her here." He grimly nods.

The nurse has finished bandaging her, so I approach her. I guess if she doesn't want to talk to me, she can tell me to go away.

"I-is she going to be okay?"

The nurse answers me while continuing to work. "She should be. She has a minor concussion, but the wound on her head shouldn't be a big concern now that I stopped the bleeding. It looked much worse than it was because of the blood. We'll keep her here tonight to monitor her, but it's mostly a precaution."

"Can I stay with her?"

"Sure. I'll get you a chair."

I return to Carsten and Ai to update them. "She'll be okay. The blood made it look a lot worse than it was. She has a minor concussion. I'm going to stay here. Don't you two have to get going for the break? I can stay with her."

Carsten and Ai give me a group hug, Ai from below and Carsten up high. Ai quietly says, "Text us updates, okay?" I nod and they leave the room and the medical building.

Texts!

I pull out my phone and realize it has been more than 45 minutes since the concert ended. I have several texts from Hideki and a missed call.

The first few are asking where I am, but the last one says,

"Hey, I heard what happened. You should be with Akari. I have to catch the train with my parents, but I'll be back soon. I'm really going to miss sleeping together."

I respond, "I'm with her. I'm really going to miss you. I will meet your parents another time. I hope we can talk on the phone later ❤️ ."

I go and sit in the chair next to Akari. Then I realize something. Her parents are here. I have no idea where they might be now. I don't have their numbers. Where is Akari's phone?

This is going to look weird if someone walks in, but I don't have a choice. I start feeling around her dress for her phone. Thank goodness the black dress she is wearing for the concert has pockets. Luckily, I find it in the first pocket I check.  She has several missed calls from her parents.

I use it to call her mom, who picks up and sounds very angry.

"Where are you, Akari?!"

"Hi Mrs. Yoshida. This is Kayoko. Akari fainted and hit her head. I'm with her in the nurse's office. She's not awake now but you can come see her."

"Fainted?! Why can't she ever pull herself together?"

Uhm…what. the. fuck. I'm about to lose my mind on this woman. No…don't do that. Stay calm, Nakai.

"Uh…she did her best, I'm sure."

"Yes, I'm sure she did. We'll be there soon." She hangs up.

Wow. She's even worse than I thought…she really doesn't understand. I guess it makes even more sense that she didn't want to put up with Michi taking so long to understand her anxiety. Her own mother doesn't get it. She doesn't need more of that in her life.

"K-kayoko?"

I look up and see Akari is awake, which is a relief. The bandage around her head obscures her entire forehead and eyebrows. She would be glad to know that her headband is still visible, though.

"Hey Akari. How do you feel?"

"Head hurts. What h-happened? Wh-where are we?"

"You fell after the concert and hit your head. You have a minor concussion. You're in the medical building."

"B-but…Hideki!?"

I grab her hand, "The fact that you're concerned about that right now is really sweet. He had to go, and he understands, okay? I needed to be here with you."

She squeezes my hand and nods.

"Your parents should be here soon. I called them on your phone."

This does not have a comforting effect.

"Did I f-faint?"

"I think so. Lots of people were talking to you, I could tell you were in trouble, but I was too late. You were hyperventilating I think."

She sighs and looks defeated, "M-my mom acts like it's m-my fault when I have p-panic attacks. Like I just n-need to t-try harder or something."

I sigh, "Yeah…I kinda picked up on that when I talked to her."

She looks around the room with a scared expression on her face. She starts moving in the bed. "I…I don't want to be here. It's like the hospital."

I squeeze her hand, "I know that's hard. But they have to watch you."

She calms down a little just in time for her parents to come in. Her mother looks mad and somehow put out by the situation. I only have one good arm, but seeing the look on her face makes me want to punch her. Maybe it would be worth not having any good arms for a bit.

Her father at least looks legitimately concerned. He comes forward to see her.

He says, "You played really well out there. It was amazing. Really amazing. I'm sorry this happened after."

She smiles, "Th-thank you, dad. It was fun…until this." She touches her bandage.

Her mother comes closer, but has her arms crossed.

"Yes, you played well. But why did this happen? Why did you get hurt? I thought you told us you were stronger now."

What do I need two good arms for, anyway?

Akari starts crying. Her dad looks like he wants to say something, but he doesn't. That's fine. I will. I need to put her in her place. She can't treat her daughter this way.

I get up from the chair and face Mrs. Yoshida. I'm a lot bigger than her, hopefully that intimidates her. "She is doing better. That doesn't mean her anxiety has magically disappeared. She is doing the best she can. So maybe just show some compassion for your hurt daughter. Can you muster up some of that? Is that something you're capable of?!"

I look in her eyes and swear I see a tiny explosion go off in each of them. Suddenly, I realize my size advantage is meaningless in this confrontation. Her glare is intimidating enough that I feel my legs start to wobble. If that wasn't enough, she lays into me with a sharp, powerful voice. It almost feels like each of her words are physically contacting my body. The sharpest, loudest of the words even make me flinch.

"Who do you think you are that you can talk to me like this!? Do you think you can tell me how to treat my daughter!? How to deal with her problems!? Because I've been doing it for the last sixteen years. I have been through a lot with her. More than you have. More than you can possibly understand. And this is how you talk to me!? I want you out of here, now. You aren't her family. You don't need to be here. Get out of my sight. NOW!"

Her final word feels like a punch to my gut. I'm on the verge of doing exactly what she tells me to, if only because it will allow me to escape. I really should not have started a confrontation with this woman. She is way above my weight class. I thought Akari and her father were just too timid to confront her. But it all makes sense now. I'm not sure anyone could succeed in a verbal altercation with her. Certainly not a 16-year-old girl.

The nurse comes back in the room and says, "Please, quiet down." Then she looks at me and gestures towards the door. "Kayoko, you will have to go if they don't want you here."

Akari says, through her tears, "N-no! I w-want her here, mom. S-s-so stop, please."

Her dad chips in with a voice that alternates between firmness and wavering, "Please, dear. This is her friend who was here to care for her. She helped her get here. She called us. We wouldn't even know she was here. Just…both of you calm down. We all want what's best for Akari. We just…show it differently. We're all just upset."

Does she want what's best for her, though? I have my doubts. Not that I'm going to express those to her…ever again.

To my surprise, the two of them do manage to relax Mrs. Yoshida.

"Fine. She can stay." She locks eyes with me, and I feel myself recoil again as she says in a quiet but forceful voice, "Don't talk to me like that again. Ever." It sends a chill down my spine.

Say what you will about her parenting, but this woman is…powerful. There's no other word for it. I've never been more intimidated by anyone in my entire life.

"I apologize for what I said…and how I said it. I was just upset and worried about Akari."

She sighs, "I'm sorry too. I know you care about her. Just…know that I do too."

She has a funny way of showing it.  

Just as we finish the conversation, my mom arrives. I guess she had to come see what was happening herself after she took my grandparents home. She comes up to me and hugs me before saying, "You must be Akari's parents. I'm Kayoko's mom. It's nice to meet you."

There's still tension in the air, but the Yoshidas politely welcome her. I suppose they did say they were thankful for her and wanted to meet her last time I spoke with them.

Akari says, "H-hi, Mrs. Nakai."

She usually just calls her Emi now. But with her mom around I feel like that wouldn't go too well.

"Hello Akari, how are you feeling?"

"My head hurts…but I'm okay, I think."

"I'm going to go find the nurse."

Before she leaves, I quietly say to her, "She really doesn't want to be here…because of hospital stuff."

My mom nods and goes to find the nurse. She comes back with the nurse a few minutes later.

The nurse says, "Akari, you have a minor concussion. Normally I would keep you here overnight because we don't want you to sleep more than two or three hours at a time, just to be safe. However, Mrs. Nakai said she was willing to take you to her house and she would take care of you." Akari instantly brightens up. Her parents look dumbfounded.

The nurse looks to Akari's parents and says, "This is something you two have to agree with of course. But rest assured that Mrs. Nakai has thorough first aid training and knows how to handle a minor concussion."

Akari's parents look at each other and then at my mom. Her mother asks my mom, "Why…do you want to do this?"

"I know Akari doesn't like being in a hospital bed. And I know she is comfortable at my house. We don't have to do it, though. If you want her here, I understand."

Her mother looks genuinely grateful. I wasn't sure that was in her repertoire. Her mother turns to Akari and says, "Is that what you'd like to do, Akari?"

Akari nods and says, "Yes, please."

Her mom says, "Okay. Then that's what we'll do."

My mom gives her parents our address. We go on ahead.

On the way home I text Carsten, Ai, and Hideki the update. Then I turn to my mom and say, "Thanks…that was really amazing."

She smiles, "I'm glad everyone's happy. It felt like I was walking into a war zone when I got there. Care to explain?"

"I um…. got into it with her mom a bit. I might have accused her of not caring about her daughter. It…did not go well."

She looks at me through the corner of her eye and says, "No, I can't imagine it did."

"Yeah…we reconciled. With help from Akari and her dad. We realized we were both just upset."

"That's good. I don't know what their plan is for the night, but we may all be sleeping under one roof." She laughs. " Wouldn't be good if that was unresolved."

...

We're home for just a few minutes when the Yoshidas arrive. We welcome them in.

Akari looks like her usual self, which is encouraging.

I ask her parents, "Would either of you like something to drink?"

Her mother looks at me and then looks at my sling.

"You don't need to do that. We can get them ourselves if you show us."

"Okay. I promise I can do it. It might just take two trips." I laugh and she smiles slightly. "But if you'd like to get your own, that's okay too."

I guide them into the kitchen where they each grab some bottled juice. When we return, my mom is talking to Akari.

"Do you want to lie down?"

"I d-don't think so. I feel okay."

"Okay. Well, you shouldn't be on your feet too much. So, I want you to be sitting or lying down unless absolutely necessary, okay?"

She nods and takes a seat in the living room. Her parents sit down with her while looking around the house.

My mom and I sit on the love seat adjacent from them.

Akari's mom says, "You have a lovely home."

My mom smiles and says, "Thank you."

Akari smiles and says, "D-dad, over there is all their music stuff I told you about."

He looks where she points and looks more than a little curious.

I laugh, "You can go look. I guess it is kind of like we have a little museum over there."

He smiles and says, "I think I will, thank you."

While he does, Akari's mom says, "Mrs. Nakai…thank you very much for doing this for my daughter. I am very happy to know that both you and your daughter care so much for her."

My mom smiles, "It's no problem. I've grown quite fond of her. I'm happy to help."

Akari's mom looks uncomfortable for a moment, then she says, "I think, as much as you two clearly care about her, and how close you all are, I want to explain myself to you. I…don't know what your daughter told you about our…confrontation, before you arrived…"

Well, this might get awkward fast.

My mom says, "She told me that she crossed a line she shouldn't have."

Akari's mom looks at me with some slight approval before saying, "Well, that may be true. But I still want to explain myself. I…don't want you to think of me as a bad mother. And I am afraid I may have given that impression."

She must feel sort of intimidated by my mom's much warmer parenting style.

My mom says, "I can assure you I don't think you are a bad mother."

"Thank you, but I still want to say this. I want you to listen too, Akari."

Akari nods. Her dad also turns around from the bookshelf to listen. His eyebrows are raised. He clearly didn't know she was planning on saying something.

"I'm sure you noticed I'm not exactly a warm person. I have a hard time with emotions. My own are not very strong. This makes it hard for me to understand Akari. My…inability to understand leads to frustration. That frustration gets directed at everyone around me." She sighs and says, "Sometimes, at Akari herself." There is real remorse on her face. She turns to her daughter. "And I am very sorry for that, Akari. It is…inexcusable. A flaw of mine I need to correct."

From the look on Akari 's face, I think this is the first time her mother has ever apologized to her. She looks surprised, but also moved. I look at her father, who has a similar facial expression.

After pausing for a moment, she adds, "I want you to know that the frustration doesn't mean I don't care for her. It was borne precisely because I care about her so much. I desperately want her to be happy and healthy. There have been so many challenges that have complicated that over the years, and my own fear of these challenges causes me to lash out at them. Especially the ones I don't understand. I can understand her lupus. I can read about it, learn the facts, and understand what needs to be done. I can be frustrated with her lupus without it seeming like I'm upset with her. But…this isn't true with her anxieties which are tied up more with who she is. I desperately want them to go away in one fell swoop. So that she can be unburdened. That's where these frustrations come from. Because I want her to be happy. After today I better understand that these challenges are…being overcome by Akari herself, and that it's a process."

My mom looks at me expectantly.

Seriously? Am I supposed to take the lead here? I…guess she is talking to me more than anyone, since I'm the idiot that told her she has no compassion for her daughter. Ugh, fine.

"Thank you for sharing that. It helps me to understand where you're coming from. It sounds like you're trying your best to understand, just like Akari is trying her best to overcome these challenges. And that's really all anyone can ask of either of you."

My mom looks at me approvingly.

I'm glad she liked it, but what about Mrs. Yoshida? Am I about to receive another tongue lashing? Surely, not in front of my mom…and in my own house…right?

She nods, "Yes, that is very well put, Kayoko. Thank you."

I sigh in relief a little louder than I intended.

Akari scoots closer to her mom and hugs her. Her mom looks very uncomfortable, but she puts one arm around her, and she doesn't look upset. For her, that's probably what affection looks like.

My mom stands up and looks at Akari's parents, "Well, I think I will make dinner. But before I do, I wanted to tell you two that you are welcome to stay here tonight while Akari recovers."

Akari's mother looks around and says, "That is very kind of you, but where would we sleep?"

My mom thinks for a moment, "The girls can sleep in Kayoko's bed, you two can sleep in the master bedroom."

Akari's dad says, "But what about you?"

"I will sleep on the couch."

Akari's mom says, "But is that enough space for you?"

My mom laughs, "I'm the smallest one here, right? And when it comes to being comfortable in a small space, I have certain additional advantages." She points to her prosthetic legs.

There's a moment of silence. At first, I think their sensibilities are offended by my mom's disability humor. But then I look at Akari's parents and realize that with everything going on, they must not have noticed my mom's legs. They look stunned and embarrassed.

My mom notices this and simply plows on, "Plus, I will be closer to Kayoko's room to wake up Akari. So, I think that's the best plan."

Akari's mother nods and says, "Okay. Thank you for your hospitality. We will take advantage of it. Would you like help in the kitchen?"

My mom nods and the two moms head to the kitchen. With Mrs. Yoshida gone from the room, I feel like a weight is lifted from my chest. I wonder if I'm ever going to stop living in fear of that woman after what I saw today.

I move and sit down next to Akari while her dad thumbs through some of Saki's music.

She hugs me and says, "Th-thanks for everything today, Kayoko."

I huger her back, "You're welcome. Also, your performance was…amazing. Somehow, I haven't gotten to tell you that yet. You stole the show."

She blushes and says, "Th-thank you."

My phone vibrates and I pull it out.

Akari smiles and asks, "Is that your man?"

I scoff, "Is that what we're calling him now? But uh…yeah, it is."

Akari shoos me off to my room and I answer the call.

"Hey Hideki, how're you?"

"Really good. Just got home. It's nice to hear your voice."

"Yeah, I like hearing yours too. Though it would be better if you were here with it."

He laughs, "Yeah. Not sleeping together tonight is gonna be tough. I think I got addicted."

I giggle and say, "I know I did. Although I will be sleeping with Akari tonight. Maybe that will stave off withdrawal."

He laughs, "How is that little French horn wunderkind doing?"

"She's pretty good. Slight concussion like I told you, so my mom's looking after her tonight. Her parents are staying here too. She should be better tomorrow, and they should be able to hit the road."

"That's good. "

"I'm sorry I didn't do a better job telling you what was going on. I meant to text you about five times, but stuff kept happening."

"Once I heard about Akari I knew what happened. You were helping your friend. It isn't something that you need to apologize for."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. But I would have liked to meet your parents."

"Yeah, me too. They are convinced you're fake now."

I giggle, "When we get back, we will have to take a picture together and send it to them."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"Well, unfortunately I need to go and have dinner with everyone. I miss you. Can't wait until we can sleep together again."

"I miss you too. Bye, Kayoko."

The rest of the evening is uneventful, which I'm thankful for. Everyone has calmed down, Akari is feeling reasonably well, and dinner is really good. Even Mrs. Yoshida is impressed with my mom's cooking, and something tells me she's probably a harsh critic. About everything.

I do see her in a different light now. It wasn't right of me to assume she doesn't care about her daughter. She loves her, she just doesn't show it in the same way my parents or grandparents do. She really needs to stop blaming Akari for her emotions, but she seems to understand that now. I'll be keeping an eye on her, to make sure she follows through on not doing that anymore, but I'm fairly sure she will. Of course…I'm not sure what I will do if she doesn't since she would just verbally destroy me if I ever tried to criticize her.

Now we're all turning in for the night and me and Akari are snug in my bed. Because of her concussion, my mom has to wake her up every two hours or so to be on the safe side, which means the three of us probably aren't going to sleep super well, but that's okay.

I look at her and say, "So…you had an eventful day, huh?"

She laughs, "Yeah. Some of it in a really good way…some of it in a really b-bad way. But eventful is about right. How's Hideki?"

"He's good. He just texted me goodnight. I really miss him." I pause for a moment and turn towards Akari. "I'm…starting to get really scared."

"Scared?"

"Yeah. I'm trying not to think about the…graduation…thing, but I can feel myself really falling for him. And fast. He's just…such a great guy in every conceivable way."

"W-what are you going to do?"

"Nothing. I'm scared but…I'm not going to break things off with him because of that. I'm so happy when I'm with him. I'm not going to give that up until I'm forced to."

Akari grabs my hand, "I think that's good. I'll be there wh-when you need me, okay?"

I smile at her, "I know. You have been for several months now. It…does make it a little easier to know that…when it happens, you'll be there for me."

"Yep. It helps knowing you'll be here for m-me too, like you were today."

I realize something that she probably doesn't know. I wasn't the only one there for her today.

"I forgot to tell you, Carsten is who got you to the nurse's office. Obviously, I couldn't do it. Carsten and Ai were both with you until I could get there at my much slower speed."

She says, "Oh. Well, that was n-nice of them." She smiles, "I guess…all my f-friends helped me today."

Chapter Text

The winter holidays were fun. We had my whole family at our house for Christmas. And I mean whole family. My aunt, uncle, Daisuke, Kaito, my dad's parents, and my mom's mother and Sho. I think it's the first time I can remember having them all in one place, but I guess that's going to be the norm from now on for holidays. It was really nice.

I talked to Hideki on the phone every night of the break, sometimes for hours on end. I'm really excited he's coming back tonight. He has a mountain of studying to do, as examination hell really kicks off now, but we're planning on continuing what we had been doing before. He's going to try his best to make time for me, and he's even mentioned going on a date this weekend. And, if nothing else, we'll sleep with one another every night. Something we both really love to do.

Thankfully, I also got my sling off yesterday. Only having one arm for the first part of this relationship has been frustrating at times.

He'll be arriving by bus and then walking up the hill. He should be here soon, so I'm waiting for him at the gates. It's cold, but my excitement is keeping me surprisingly warm. Before long, I can see him in the distance. I walk out a little way, so that we can meet even sooner. He has a smile on his face that I can even see from a distance, and I think he can probably see mine too. When we meet, we wrap our arms around each other and share a long kiss in the cold.

When we finally break the kiss I say, "Welcome back."

He laughs and says "That was some welcome."

"Yeah? It was nice to be able to wrap both my arms around you for once."

He laughs, "I liked it too."

He takes my hand, and we head to his dorm room.

...

As we're getting all snuggly in bed for the night after a nice make out session, he asks, "Do you want to come to lunch with me tomorrow? I'd like you to meet my two best friends." He laughs, "If only to prove you're real."

"Yeah, that would be nice."

"I also want to take you on a date this weekend."

"I'd really like that. But are you sure you have time?"

"Yeah, I think so. I will be studying a lot…pretty much until graduation. But things aren't completely insane until next month with the national admission test. Then March will be my entrance exam." His voice wavers some. "Then…graduation. So…this is probably the best time we…have, to go on some dates."

From the way he said that I think he is having as hard of a time as I am thinking ahead to that time. I kind of hope he is. But at the same time, I really don't want him to get hurt.

"Okay. Obviously, my schedule isn't nearly as crazy. I would love to go on some dates. Does that also mean this is the best time for you to meet my mom and grandparents?"

"Yeah, probably."

"Okay. Well, it sounds like you have a busy January too now."

He laughs and says, "Yeah but it will be a good kind of busy."

The next day I go to lunch with Hideki to meet his friends. They eat in the cafeteria, something I haven't done for lunch since the first day of the school year. It does feel a little weird not being with my friends out on the quad for the first time in…forever, but he has come to lunch with my friends several times and I am excited to meet his friends too.

After we go through the line and get our lunch Hideki guides me to where his friends are seated, and we sit across from them. My first impression is that these two guys are more outwardly nerdy than Hideki, but Hideki is a pretty huge nerd (and so am I), so I shouldn't be too surprised.

"Hey guys, this is Kayoko. My girlfriend you didn't believe existed. And Kayoko, this is Masa and that's Kenzo."

Kenzo is an average-sized guy with brown eyes behind a pair of very thick glasses. I am unsure whether they are a fashion choice or an indication of visual impairment. He's also wearing a red hat with…some sort of logo on it.

Masa is a smaller guy with shaggy red hair, and he has a cochlear implant, which I recognize because my Uncle Mitsuru has one. It's a surgically implanted device that can roughly replicate hearing for people.

"Hey, it's nice to meet you both."

They both stare at me for a moment without speaking before turning to Hideki. Kenzo says, "She's way too good looking, dude. If you're going to masquerade some girl around as your fake girlfriend, it has to be more believable than this."

I giggle, "I assure you; I am his actual girlfriend. Have been for a few weeks now."

He turns towards me and smiles, "It was a joke. I can barely see you. Basically, all I can make out for sure is that you have long dark hair. But I'm pretty sure you're too cute for this guy."

Masa quietly says, "She is."

Hideki says, "I agree, but stop telling her that, okay? I don't need her finding out." He turns to me and says, "Sorry the whole conversation has been about your appearance so far. These guys are animals."

I laugh, "That's okay. I'm sure we won't stay on the topic too much longer, right?"

Kenzo says, "Right. So, you play piano too, yeah? That's the origin story here?"

"Yep, that's right. Hideki is my mentor turned boyfriend, I guess. I hadn't really thought of it that way until now."

Hideki laughs and says, "Me neither. Sounds a little creepy. Let's not go with that."

I say, "Agreed. Hey, since we're talking about how me and Hideki met, how did you three meet? You're all in different classes, you're not in the same clubs, and you aren't neighbors, right?"

Masa says, "That's right. I guess those are the main ways people become friends here, huh?"

Kenzo turns to Hideki and says, "Do you want to tell her? Or should I?"

Hideki grimaces a little and then turns to me. "I'll tell her. As I'm sure you've noticed, we're nerds. We play Dungeons and Dragons together."

"Is that…a video game?"

His friends laugh at me.

"I guess that's a no, then."

Hideki says, "It's kind of like a board game, I guess is the closest thing? You make characters and play through various scenarios, exploring dungeons and stuff."

"Oh. Well, that's cool. So, you found each other in your first year because you were looking for people to play that with?"

Masa says, "Yep. Do you want to play?"

"Um, yeah I could some time. That might be cool."

Hideki says, "Come on, guys. You know we don't really have time for that with examination hell and everything. Plus, she doesn't even really know what she's saying yes to." He turns to me and says, "These things take a very long time."

Masa crossed his arms, "Yeah, yeah. Fine. I thought maybe we could squeeze one more campaign in, but you're probably right. Man, the end of high school sucks."

I say, "Yeah, I don't envy you. I have a couple other third year friends going through it too. You might know them, I guess. Daisuke and Kaito?"

Kenzo says, "Oh, I know Kaito. He's cool. Been in class with him all three years. He brings good things to eat a lot. Our teacher mixes our names up all the time."

Masa says, "I know Daisuke. I joined science club earlier this year."

"Oh, that's cool. I really like science. I almost did that instead of music." I look at Hideki and put my arm on his shoulder. "Kinda glad I chose music though."

Hideki laughs and says, "Me too."

I say, "Anyway, Daisuke's family and mine are really close. That's how I know those two."

Masa says, "Oh yeah. Both your moms work here, right?"

"Yep. My dad did too. I've lived in the town down the hill my whole life."

Masa says, "Oh…yeah. He was our science teacher. Sorry. I probably shouldn't have brought this up."

Hideki grabs my hand under the table, I smile at him. He's making sure I'm okay.

"It's fine. I'm glad you were taught by him. I've realized lately that he must have taught an insane number of people over the years. There are a lot of people out there who he affected, and that's pretty cool. I mean, the current science teacher was one of his students."

Masa says, "She's really hot."

Kenzo slaps him in the arm and says, "Not cool, dude."

Hideki's glaring at him too.

I mean, I did just say something about remembering my dad so it was maybe a little rude, but oh well. It's kind of funny too.

I laugh and say, "Yes. She is attractive, isn't she? She's my homeroom teacher too. The guys in that class are all in love with her."

Masa says, "I'm in love with her."

I am about to laugh but notice the other two boys aren't.

I say, "You're…serious?"

He blushes and looks down, "Kinda. I like her a lot. And not just because she's hot. She's…why I switched to science club. I wanted to get to know her better, and that's the best I could do since she's a teacher."

I nod, "Yeah…that would be a tough crush to have. Maybe after graduation you could confess. Who knows, right?"

He says, "Do you really think I should?"

"Um…if you really feel that way about her, yeah. Just…know that there's a very good chance you get rejected. You know…she's like 20 years older than you and stuff, kind of makes it unlikely." I remember Carsten's advice to me. "You might regret it, though. If you never tell her."

He nods and says, "That's a good point. Thank you, Kayoko."

The bell rings for us to return to class.

"Well, it was nice meeting you both. I hope I see you a bit more."

Kenzo says, "Yep! That would be cool."

Masa says, "Agreed. If I…um…need to talk more about the…teacher, can we?"

Wow. He might  really  be in love with her.

"Yeah, I don't know how much I can help, but I'll try."

Hideki takes my hand and says, "I'll send you her number."

Then we take off towards the classrooms together.

He says, "I know they're silly, but they liked you."

I laugh, "I liked them too. Is Masa…serious about Ms. Hamada?"

He nods, "As serious as he's been about any girl. He has it pretty bad for her. It's sort of tearing him up."

"Poor guy. That would be hard."

He nods and bends down to kiss me and then says, "I'll see you in band."

"Yeah, see you then."

As he walks away, I feel my heart pound from the kiss he just gave me. I wonder whether Masa has it harder than me.

"Which of these outfits do you think I should go with?" On my bed, I have laid out a striped black and gray sweater dress next to a more casual outfit that consists of jeans and a cozy sweater.

I have my first date with Hideki today. And…actually, my first date ever. I'm nervous, and Ai and Akari have more dating experience than me, so they are in my dorm room trying to help me decide what to wear.

Ai asks, "What is this place you're going to again?"

"Um…it's a jazz club. But I only…sorta know what that is. My mom wasn't very helpful either. Kind of like a nice bar that serves food…but with a jazz band?"

Ai says, "So, kind of a classy place…but not super classy?"

"Yeah. I think that's accurate. Maybe."

Akari chuckles and says, "D-don't be so nervous."

Me and Ai look at her with matching smirks on our faces.

She rolls her eyes and says, "Okay fine, I know that's s-strange coming from me. I just m-mean, I see how he looks at you. Whether it's your pajamas, or your uniform, or casual clothes, he will think you look a-amazing no matter what you w-wear."

Ai says, "The girl does have a point."

I do like how he looks at me. I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees it.

"Okay. I think I'm going to go with the sweater dress. It makes me feel sexier. Accentuates my curves more, yeah?"

They both nod.

Ai raises her eyebrows suggestively and rests her chin on her fist as she says, "Soooo…going for sexy are we?"

I blush. "Yeah. Is that bad?"

Akari laughs, "N-No. I think she wants to know if you're expecting something special to happen t-tonight."

Ai nods in confirmation.

"I guess I am. We've been very wholesome so far. We sleep together every single night, but we still haven't done anything more than French kiss. And all of that has been amazing, but I kinda want something a little…sexier, to happen tonight. I guess. I um…don't want to have sex. But maybe some other stuff?"

Ai and Akari both nod approvingly. They're more experienced than me in these matters. Especially Ai.

I change into the dress and look at myself in the mirror and I really like how it looks. Despite covering most of my body and being made of thick knit material, the dress is also very tight against my body and is especially flattering for my chest. The stripes emphasize things even more. I'm probably also going to put a belt around my waist to add to the effect.

Ai says, "Damn girl. Seeing you in that dress makes me want to do something sexy with you. Carsten doesn't have to know, right?"

Me and Akari giggle and I say, "It really looks that good?"

Akari says, "For sure. Y-you look amazing."

I turn around and smile at them both, "Thanks. You two helped a lot."

...

I'm about to meet Hideki at the front gates. I'm excited to see what he thinks of my outfit. Before long I see him approaching from the dorms. Based on what he's wearing, I think I chose the right outfit. He's wearing slacks, loafers, and a cardigan with a button-down shirt underneath it. He looks great. Once he can really get a good look at me, I can see he thinks I do too. Normally he's good about not staring at my chest, but right now that's exactly what he's doing. That's the effect I was going for.

"You look…amazing, Kayoko. Wow."

He bends down and kisses me and puts his hands on my lower back.

"You look great too. I'm really excited for our first date. I called the cab; it should be here soon."

I'm a little embarrassed that we need a cab, but I really can't walk down the hill. I mean maybe I could, but my parents really drilled it into me that I never should, because the uneven terrain puts me at risk. So, we're taking a cab to the bottom of the hill and then taking a bus to Sendai. I considered asking my mom to give us a ride to the bus stop, but I decided that's probably not a great idea for our first date.

In our brief time in the back of the cab, we hold hands and smile at each other, before getting out at the bus stop. I try to pay for the cab, which is really cheap, but Hideki won't let me.

He smiles at me, "I'll get this. It's a date, right?"

I laugh and say, "Yep. Sounds good to me."

When we board the bus, we sit together and hold hands. I rest my head on his shoulder as we watch the sights go by. I know this city pretty well, after all, my grandmother lives here. Seeing the outskirts of town is oddly comforting because of that. Eventually, we arrive in a more densely populated area with more lights.

We get off the bus in the center of the city, a place I don't know nearly as well. It's very busy. I suppose it is a Saturday. There's probably lots of couples out on dates.

We escape the cold and the hustle and bustle of the city as we enter the jazz club. It is warm, dimly lit, and filled with energy. We have to get bracelets that show we aren't old enough to drink, but then we're allowed in. There's a five-man jazz band playing on a stage. There's a trombonist, a clarinetist, a drummer, a cornetist, and a pianist. Naturally, my eyes are most drawn to the piano. The man playing it is probably in his 70s, but he plays with a kind of frenetic energy we don't really get to display in classical music. It's kind of infectious.

We take a seat close enough to the band to appreciate them, but far enough away that we can still talk to each other.

Hideki asks, "How familiar are you with jazz?"

"Not very. I mean, I like it when I hear it but I don't go out of my way to listen to it. I've never seen a jazz band perform. Seeing that pianist's enthusiasm and skill right now definitely has me more into it."

He nods, "Yeah. I've always kind of wanted to try out jazz piano. I probably will at some point once I'm in the U.S. There are a lot of jazz clubs in New York. But…it is a lot different than what we're used to. Lots of improvisation that we classical pianists have never really learned how to do. We're always sticking to a script. Then there's these guys who…I mean, they aren't even really playing off music right now, just a general idea."

"Yeah…that's crazy. I mean it's a little more chaotic than the music we play, but at the same time it feels somehow…cohesive."

Hideki smiles, "Chaotic and cohesive. That's a great description. I'm stealing that."

I laugh, "Okay, I guess I'll let you have it. You know, somehow, we haven't really talked about what got each of us into music, have we?"

He laughs, "Mine's pretty easy. My mom made me learn piano when I was 5."

A waiter comes and we order our drinks and food. After that I resume the conversation.

"Made you, huh?"

"Yeah, but I ended up really loving it from the start. I'm choosing to do it now. Something my dad isn't thrilled with, as I've told you. It's basically like he's punishing me with examination hell." He grimaces. "What about you? I guess your aunt was who got you into it?"

"Yeah, kind of, anyway. My story is a little more complicated. So, my dad was really close to my aunt when they were at Yamaku, because he was dating her best friend."

"Oh, Saki Enomoto, right?"

I nod, "My dad married her right after high school, but as you probably know she died quite young. Years later he and my mom met and got married, and then they adopted me. Oh. I'm adopted, I don't think I've told you that, have I?"

"No, but that's cool."

"Yeah, I kind of forget sometimes. I was adopted as a baby, so I don't remember anything but my parents. Anyway, back to the point – my dad never stopped loving Saki and she was a big part of my childhood despite the fact that I never knew her. My aunt made sure I listened to lots of her music from when I was a baby, and my parents encouraged it too. So, before I started playing music myself, what I loved was Saki's music. Her music was really the first music I ever knew. So, I kind of think of her as getting me into music. Then by the time I was 10 I started learning the piano from my aunt and then about six years later I met a cute pianist boy who helped me get better."

He laughs, "Yeah? Do I know him?"

I reach out for his hand, he gives it to me, and I say, "I think you might."

The waiter comes and ruins this moment a little, but I'm hungry so I guess it's acceptable. This place had a surprisingly good selection of seafood. Hideki got shrimp and broccoli and I got grilled muscles. We end up splitting each of ours so we can share.

"I didn't know what to expect from a jazz club in terms of food, but that was really good."

He nods, "Yeah, I've been here once before, and I was surprised. That's part of why I thought it was a good fit for you, since you like food so much."

I laugh, "I guess that's true. Who doesn't like food, though?"

"Well, that's true, but you're really into it."

I giggle, "I guess maybe that's true. I'm used to being around my mom who is way more into it, and by comparison I don't feel like I am. But compared to normal people I guess I'm intense."

"Hey, do you want to dance?"

My heart sinks. I hope he wasn't hoping to dance a lot tonight. Ai's insecurities about her disability in her relationship pop into my head. If he really wants a girl who can dance…well, that's not me. And there's no way it can be.

I look down. "Um. I can't, really."

"You don't know how?"

"Well…that too, but it's because I…kinda can't."

His face transforms from composed to ashamed, "Kayoko…I'm really sorry I did that. That was…really dumb of me."

I grab his hand, "It's okay. We can sort of dance. As long as you're okay with us holding each other and gently swaying to the music. That sounds nice to me, actually. Beyond that can be dangerous for me. Too much bending of knees and elbows."

He smiles, "That sounds really good to me, too."

He takes my hand, and we go to the dance floor. When we get there, he wraps his arms around me, resting his hands on my lower back. I put my arms around him and rest my head on his chest while we gently sway. I am sure we look kind of silly, because we're at a jazz club and the music they are playing right now definitely isn't the kind one slow dances to. But that's okay. Being this close with him on our first date, in a neat place feels amazing.

...

The minute we're alone in my room with the door closed, we embrace each other and start kissing more passionately than we have before. I think the dress was a success. I really wanna do something special for him tonight.

I break the kiss and take his hand and guide him to my bed, where I lie down and beckon him to join me. He does as I ask and lays himself next to me and we resume kissing for a while. Our mouths are more open than they have been before, and we're more aggressively using our tongues. After a few minutes of this I look him in the eyes and say, "You can touch my boobs, you know. If you want to. I…want you to." He looks slightly embarrassed for a moment, but then he starts kissing me again. His hand slowly creeps from my shoulder down to my right breast, before resting it there. I've never had someone touch me like this before. It feels so good with him. He breaks our kiss and starts kissing the top part of my neck and he slowly kisses his way down.

He's kissing my neck and caressing me and I'm enjoying every minute of it, but suddenly something pops into my mind that I need to tell him now. It might ruin the moment, but it's important for me to say it before things go too far. I'm not sure what his plans for the night are.

"Hideki? I…I really want to do something for you…tonight... But…I'm not ready to have s-sex. I'm sorry."

He stops what he's doing, smiles at me and brushes my hair out of my face before leaving his hand there and looking me in the eyes.

"Hey, don't be sorry. You don't need to be. I'm not disappointed. Remember, you're the first person I've done any of this with too. I don't want to do anything you don't want to do. I'll be happy whatever it is we do. We could even just never do more than kiss, snuggle and sleep together and that's enough for me. You just let me know your boundaries, okay?"

He's the sweetest guy ever. If he wasn't leaving, I would want him to be my first. Maybe even tonight. I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex with him though. His leaving is already going to really hurt, I think it would hurt even more if we did that. But I'll think about that stuff later. There are SOME firsts that I do want to have with him tonight.

I give him a passionate kiss while our bodies become pressed against one another. After a minute I pull away and say, "…I definitely want to do more than that snuggle and sleep tonight. If you do."

He nods and I sit up and slide out of the top part of my dress. His eyes immediately move to my breasts, making me giggle. Even with my bra still on, I can tell that he loves what he's seeing. I'm glad too, because I don't have easy access to sexy bras. Because of my issues with my elbows, back clasping bras don't really work for me. I don't really want to risk a dislocation just to put a bra on or take it off. And when it comes to front closing bras, sexier options are hard to find. I guess I should probably try a little harder to do that, though. The one I'm wearing is very bland, simple, and white. He doesn't care, though. He loves how I look. He always does.

He comes back in for a more carnal kiss this time, but it is still…somehow gentle. I wonder whether he's always gentle, or he just knows he needs to be with me. Either way, I love it.

I grab his left hand and guide it up to my breast and press it firmly against it. Most of my breast is still covered, but I can still feel his large hands making direct contact with part of it. My breasts are on the larger end, but his hand is so big that he can fit the whole thing in it. He's a bit tentative at first, hardly moving his hand, but as he continues to kiss me, he begins moving his hand more. It feels incredible.

He stops for a moment and gets on his knees to take his own shirt off. This is the first time I've seen him shirtless. He looks really good. He's thin, but his body is just toned enough that his muscles have plenty of definition. I put my hands on his body, feeling it for myself for the first time. With him in front of me, I also notice that there's something protruding in his pants. I can't help but giggle when I see it.

He smiles, "What's so funny?"

"Um…not funny, but…happy, I think. Is this…" I brush my hand against him causing him to shudder, "...painful? It kind of looks trapped in there. You can take your pants off if you need to."

He blushes, and it's adorable.

He says, "A-are you sure?"

And I say, "Yeah."

He smiles at me and gets off the bed to take his pants off, now he just has on his boxers. Figuring I should also reach a greater stage of undress, I say "Hey, Hideki?" to make sure he's looking at me. When he does, I undo the front clasp of my bra, letting my breasts fall free. His jaw drops and I giggle at his reaction. I'm not sure I'm ever going to have a moment in my life when I feel sexier than this.

I beckon for him to come get back in bed with me, and he does so eagerly. He gets on my side and starts kissing me again. He moves his hand to touch my breasts, he uses his palm to push my right breast into my left breast. Now that he's pushing them together, he can touch them both at the same time with his large, strong hand. His fingertips fondling my left breasts as his palm presses against my right. I'm never going to be able to look at his hands the same way again. Even watching him play the piano is going to make me think of this kind of thing now. I love how he touches me. I want to start touching him.

I reach down and brush my hand against him. Now, with only a single thin layer of fabric between us, he shudders even more at my touch. I love to see it. And I love that he got this way because of me.

I rub him a few more times over his boxers as his breathing gets shallower. This is nice, but I want to make him feel even better. I reach my hand under his boxers. The moment my hand comes into direct contact with his flesh, we both sigh. Before long he breaks the kiss because the pleasure has become too great to focus on it.

Since he can't kiss any more, I move myself in front of him, and sit to the side of his legs. I pull his boxers down just far enough to set him completely free. I curl my fingers around him and begin to stroke. He starts moaning softly. My breasts are lightly bouncing with every stroke and he's enjoying watching that. I thought he would, that's why I got somewhere where he would have a good view.

We continue this way for a while, as I slightly increase the speed of my actions. Eventually he reaches out a hand and I can tell he wants to be able to touch me and not just watch me. I lean forward over him so that he can caress my breasts and he does so with a lustful look in his eyes. I increase the speed of my motion as he begins to moan more frequently. I'm happy to be making him feel this good. I'm…I'm going to be the first girl to do this for him. And he's the first boy I've done this for. That makes me happy. I start to smile as I think of that and speed up the motion even more.

His legs are really starting to shudder. He must be getting close. He's starting to breathe harder too. He says, "K-Kayoko…" and I've never loved the sound of my name more. An instant later, he reaches his limit, and he moans loudly while a white sticky substance comes out of him and onto my chest positioned directly above. I keep stroking him, not wanting his pleasure to reach an end. Eventually though, with a strained voice he says,

"K-kayoko, that's…really sensitive now."

I immediately withdraw my hand and feel really embarrassed, I bashfully say. "Oh…I'm sorry. I didn't know…that happened."

He smiles at me and gestures for me to come lay next to him. He puts his arm around me.

"No need to be sorry for that. That was…amazing."

I look up at him and smile and say, "Good. But in the future, I guess I should stop sooner, huh?"

He nods, "Yeah, but it's not a big deal." He sighs happily, "That was…really special for me, Kayoko."

I kiss him on the cheek, "It was for me too. Um…I'm…I'm glad you're the first boy I've done that for. It felt right to me."

He kisses me and says, "I'm glad you were the first to do it for me. It did feel right." He laughs and adds, "Really right."

Now that the moment has passed, I notice I'm covered in a rather messy substance. I try to get up in a way that he won't really question me, but it doesn't work because he doesn't want me to move away from him.

He says, "Hey, where are you going?"

I laugh and say, "I'm…getting stuff on you and the bed. I need to get a towel or something."

He hadn't noticed either, "Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. I didn't think of that." He lets me get up.

I grab a towel and wipe it off my chest and stomach. I also take off my dress the rest of the way, so I'm only in my underwear now. I get in bed and wipe his stomach for him too, and I'm about to wipe the rest of him too but then I say, "Uhm…are you…still sensitive?"

He says, "Yeah, probably. I'll do that part." He takes the towel and wipes himself very delicately. I would not have done a good job of that. Then, I take it from him and put it in my hamper before getting back into bed with him.

As we're lying there and basking in the afterglow and cuddling with almost no clothes on, I realize there is probably something we need to talk about before we fool around next time. And it was probably…not a great idea we didn't talk about it this time.

"Um…I just realized, we should…probably talk with one another about how to handle our…conditions, when we're intimate."

He opens his eyes and says "Shit."

This is the first time I've ever heard him curse. It sounds sort of unnatural coming from him. But kinda cute.

"You're right. I'm sorry I didn't think of that. You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"No. And you didn't get too out of breath, did you?"

He shakes his head, "I think if…we ever did something more…vigorous, that might be a problem. I should be okay with this kind of stuff. But we probably should make sure my inhaler is out and easy to get to just to be safe. It's buried in my bag right now. That would not have been great for you to deal with if I had an attack in the middle of that. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I didn't ask before either." I sit up and kiss him on the cheek and then smile at him, "We were a little distracted. It's good we're thinking about it now."

He nods, "What do I need to be careful of with you?"

"Well, so far you've already kind of done it. Instinctively, maybe. You're gentle when we make out and stuff. If we do…more stuff in the future, I just have to move really slowly sometimes when I'm bending joints and stuff. And you can't really…yank on me or grab me very safely, so we probably should try to avoid that. I'll um…always have to be wearing my joint braces. I know that's not sexy, but yeah. It is what it is."

"Who says they aren't sexy?"

I giggle, "What, you think they are?"

He says, "I dunno. Kinda. No one else gets to see you with…just them on. You know?"

I smile at him, "I guess that's true. God, you're good. Even making me feel good about my braces. That's impressive." I rest my head on his chest.

He shrugs, "Is it impressive? I'm just telling you what I feel."

If I told you what I really feel right now…I would tell you I love you. 

Chapter Text

It's been a week since our date. Another massive chunk of our relationship is over. Now, we eat lunch together every day, alternating between friend groups. We also see each other in band, usually eat dinner together, talk for a long time and then spend the night together. I've been able to make him feel good a couple more times too, and I'm really enjoying that.

We don't have a whole lot of time left where we'll get to see each other outside of band, lunch, and bedtime, so we're using this Saturday to go down to my mom's house so he can meet her and my grandparents.

I think normally when you introduce your family to your significant other, it's sort of a sign of, "This is serious, and it's going to go on for a while," but…we know that's not the case. He really wants to meet them though, which means a lot to me, even if I know it doesn't have the same meaning as it might have otherwise. I think he wants to meet them because he cares about me and wants to get to know me better. That's enough for me.

We're waiting at the gate for my mom to pick us up. He is surprisingly nervous. He's rocking back and forth on his feet and very fidgety in general.

I hug him and say, "Hey. You don't need to be so nervous."

"Isn't it normal to be nervous when you meet your girlfriend's parents?"

I look up at him, "I guess so. I'm just trying to help."

"What do I say…if they ask what I'm doing after this year?"

He knows I haven't told them about our relationship's expiration date . I guess it makes sense he's this nervous.

"Yeah…that's a good question."

He frowns, "I really don't want to lie to them."

"I know. But I don't want to tell them. Not yet." I reach up and put my hand on his cheek. "They will look at you differently. They will think…things that aren't true if they know. Like you're just using me or something. Or that you don't care about me. They won't get it. "

He nods unenthusiastically.

I think for a moment.

"If they ask you can say, 'Well, I have the Tokyo entrance exam coming up.' That's not a lie. They will just assume it means you're going there. Let them."

He looks down, "I guess that's better than a total lie…"

I sigh. "If you think it's better to tell them what you're really doing, you can. I will support that. But know that it will be followed by a question of how we will possibly stay together if you're in the U.S. And then we will have to tell them everything. To be honest, there's a chance they ask that about you going to Tokyo too, it's just a lot lower."

"Hmm…"

"You don't have to decide how you want to answer now. You can decide if they ask, and then we will go with the flow from there. Maybe we'll get lucky, and they won't ask at all."

"Okay. I will decide if they ask. I'm…really sorry that this is…how it is."

I smile up at him, "The only way you could change it is by giving up on your dream that you're already well on your way towards. I…don't want you to do that. I know you don't want to either."

My voice was on the verge of wavering several times there, but I don't think he noticed. What I told him is the truth, but that doesn't make it that much easier for me to say it.

"Oh, here's my mom." I squeeze his hand and smile at him. He looks less nervous than he was at least.

My mom leaves the car running but gets out with a huge grin on her face.

She says, "Hi Hideki, it's really nice to meet you." And in the next instant she is on him hugging him tightly. Poor Hideki isn't sure what he's supposed to do for a moment, but then he gingerly hugs her back.

He says, "N-nice to meet you, Mrs. Nakai."

"Oh, come on, just call me Emi. I already feel like I know you so well."

"Um…okay, Emi."

Then I hear my mother say something to him very softly, but I can't quite make it out. Whatever it is, Hideki turns red. The next instant my mom lets him go and gets back in the car while asking us to join her.

In retrospect, I probably should have given him more of a warning about her.

Before we get in, I ask Hideki, "What did she say to you that has you this flustered?"

He shrugs.

"Really, you won't tell me?"

He shrugs again, smiles, and gets in the car.

When I get in, I say, "Mom!? What did you say to him?!"

She smiles approvingly at Hideki in the rearview mirror and says, "Oh, nothing dear. I'm sure you're imagining things."

"Wow. You two just met and you're already keeping a secret from me. I see how it is."

This gets no response from either of them.

A minute later I say, "Fine, I don't even care anymore. Keep your secret."

They both ignore me.

Then my mom asks, "So, Hideki. How's the exam cramming going?"

He groans softly.

My mom laughs, "That well, huh? I think I probably made a similar sound when people asked me that in my third year at Yamaku. Alright, I won't ask about it anymore. I'm sure you'd like to get your mind off of it."

He laughs and says, "Yeah, that would be good."

Not long after we pull up to the house. Hideki takes my hand as we walk in. My grandparents aren't here yet, which is probably nice for Hideki. He can get used to the environment first.

My mom says, "I am going to the kitchen, you two don't mind me."

Hideki asks, "Do you want any help um…Emi?"

She smiles at him and says, "That's sweet of you to offer, but why don't you stay out here with your lovely girlfriend."

She heads for the kitchen before he can respond.

After she leaves, I whisper, "I probably should have warned you about her ahead of time, huh?"

He laughs, "Maybe. She's a little intense. But also very nice."

"Yeah, that about sums her up." I take his hand, "Here, most music people like to spend a lot of time over here, so let's make sure you see it."

I guide him to my piano and Saki's bookshelf. He notices the piano first.

He sits down on the bench and strokes the piano's wood so enthusiastically that it makes me a little jealous. Then he says, "How do you have a way nicer piano than me?"

I sit down next to him and mimic his stroking. "Oh, this old thing? It was a hand me down."

He smirks, "Your aunt, huh?"

I laugh, "Yep. She has an even nicer one at her house, as I'm sure you can guess."

Now he notices the picture on the piano, "Speaking of your aunt, that's her, isn't it?

"Yep, that's her, my dad, and Saki when they were your age. Pretty crazy, huh?"

"A little bit, yeah. I mean, we all know deep down that our teachers used to be young. But actually seeing it is always a surprise."

We hear the front door open.

"That must be my grandparents. Let's go greet them."

We get up and meet them in the living room and they both smile broadly when they see us.

I say, "Grandma, grandpa, this is Hideki, my boyfriend."

My grandma responds first, "Ah yes, the handsome young man I watched play piano the other day. It's nice to meet you."

My grandpa scoffs, "You make it sound like he gave you a private performance." Then he turns to Hideki and says, "It's very nice to meet you."

Hideki responds, "It's very nice to meet you too, Mr. and Mrs. Nakai."

We sit down together in the living room.

I say, "How are you two doing? Enjoying living here?"

My grandpa nods and says, "Very much. Our house is perfect, and we have a very nice neighbor who makes us dinner most nights. She usually even plays a game of chess with me."

I laugh, "Have you lost yet?"

"A few times, but I mostly win. I think that's pretty good for my age."

I giggle, "It is."

My grandma smiles and asks, "So, how are you two doing? I must say you look quite well together, and so happy." My grandpa nods in agreement.

Hideki takes my hand and smiles as he answers, "We're doing well. We are really happy. I'm a really lucky guy."

I smile at him and say, "I'm really lucky too."

My grandparents smile at our answers just as my mom comes to tell us dinner is ready.

We make some small talk while we eat, but as is often the case, the conversation really gets going once we're done eating.

My mom looks at us a bit with a smile and then says, "I have to say, Hideki. You remind me a little of my husband."

I scoff, "Because that's not a weird thing to say."

My grandma says, "Actually, I was thinking the same thing."

I look to my grandpa hoping for an end to this, but he nods too.

"What!? Really!?"

I take a look at Hideki in an attempt to understand what they mean. I come up empty.

My mom laughs, "Just a little. It's the eyes mostly. The same color and just…very kind."

I look at him even more closely and sigh before saying "Yeah. I guess I see it."

Hideki laughs and looks at me, "Why do you sound so disappointed?"

"I dunno. Isn't that…kinda weird?"

My mom responds before Hideki can, "I don't think so. No one said he looks just like your dad. Just that he reminds us of him a little. It isn't strange that you would like a man with a few of your dad's traits."

"Yeah, I guess…"

Hideki says, "Well, I think it's a compliment." He looks down for a moment and says, "I know…I didn't know him as well as any of you…" he looks at my mom. "But your husband," he looks at my grandparents "your son, was my teacher, and I really thought he was an amazing man. I think that even more from what I've learned of him from Kayoko. So, I would be proud to have some of his traits."

I grab his hand under the table and smile at him.

My mom and grandparents are a little choked up.

My mom says, "Well…thank you for saying that. It was lovely. I'm glad you got to know him."

My grandma looks at Hideki and says, "Hichan would have liked you, I think."

Hideki looks confused for a second. After all, how would he know who Hichan is? Surely his science teacher in his 50s didn't go by Hichan, right? But he figures it out from context in a few seconds.

He replies, "I hope so."

My grandpa is ready to change the subject, I think because he was getting too emotional.

"So, Hideki, you graduate soon, right? What's next?"

I squeeze his hand under the table again, letting him know I'm behind him however he answers.

He takes a few seconds, weighing his options. Then he says, "I'll be taking the Tokyo entrance exam in March."

I try not to look too relieved. But this is the best answer in the short term. There shouldn't be a painful follow-up where we have to explain that we won't be together very much longer.

My mom says, "Well good luck with it. I hope you get in."

Hideki nods politely and smiles.

Then she says, "So, I made sure to get us some dessert tonight for this special occasion. I got a whole strawberry cake from the Shanghai. Would anyone like any?"

I think maybe we're in the clear.

Everyone wants some of course. From here, the conversation is less tense.

My grandpa asks, "What do your parents do Hideki?"

He says, "My mom is a translator. She grew up in the U.S. speaking both Japanese and English in the home. She is the head translator for an advertising firm that translates Japanese ads for American audiences."

My grandpa nods, "Interesting. Sounds really good for her background. And your father?"

"He's the CFO at the same firm where my mom works. They met there when they were both new hires and sort of moved up together."

My mom says, "Workplace romance can be nice. I met Kayoko's father when we were both young employees at Yamaku." She laughs, "Well, the second time. We were students there first."

Hideki nods and asks, "How has Yamaku changed since you two were students?"

"Well, almost all of the buildings from back then are gone or thoroughly renovated. The school building is probably the least changed, I guess. But we didn't have the medical building, or your nice new dorms, or the indoor athletic facility back then."

I say, "Pretty crazy how much has changed. But when I think back to all the stories you and dad told me about Yamaku, it still feels the same, as it does in those, somehow."

My mom says, "I think that makes sense. The overall philosophy of the place hasn't changed. I think it's an incredible place for students who need it. When you're disabled, meeting others your own age who have similar challenges is an amazing thing that just…doesn't happen in normal school."

Hideki nods, "I agree. It's a great place" He looks at me and adds, "I'm…really going to miss it."

...

We're back at Yamaku after our successful visit. We're in my dorm room tonight and snuggling in our underwear. This is how we generally sleep now. Me in a T-shirt and panties and him in boxers and a shirt. He's laying on his back and I'm resting my head on his chest. We have our arms around each other.

"They really liked you. I'm glad."

He says, "Yeah. Me too. They are really great people."

He shifts around a little.

"I did…kind of realize they will probably hate me one day. But I will worry about it later."

"Why would they hate you?"

"Well…they will know the Tokyo thing wasn't exactly true."

"Maybe. They don't have to find out."

"How will they not find out?"

"Do we have to talk about this now? I just…wanna pretend that whole…you leaving this isn't happening. For now, at least."

I can tell he's uneasy about this. I think I'm going to distract him. I've learned I have that ability.

I slide myself off him, smile at him mischievously, and take my shirt off. He still drops his jaw every time he sees my breasts. I don't think I'll ever get tired of that. I press myself against him and start kissing him. He reaches around me and puts his hand on my butt while we continue our kiss.

After doing this for a while I peek and see that he is fully erect. I move my hand down from his chest to the top of his boxers, but just when I am about to touch him, he blocks my hand from touching him. I stop kissing him and ask,

"You don't want me to do that?"

"I love when you do that but…can I …do something for you tonight instead? You have for me a few times now, so…I wanted to for you. I want to make you feel the same way you make me feel."

I am very uncertain about this. I haven't shown Hideki that part of my body yet. I've always had my underwear on. I haven't decided if I want to, or if I want to save that for someone else. But…he wants to do it for me. And he has shown me that part of him. He's really special to me too. I wanted to save this for someone I love…and I do love him, even if I can never say it. I can still save sex for someone else.

He notices my hesitation and says "I…um, don't have to. If you're not ready for that "

I respond by kissing him and moving my body away from him a bit to create some space for him to work. I take his hand and guide it down to my panties and press it against me.

I gasp softly. This is the first time someone else has touched me like this. I think it's good that it's him. It does feel right to do this. We continue to kiss as he begins to move his hand up and down with a little more pressure. As the feeling of pleasure in my groin intensifies, I find myself unable to remain in the position I am in, so I roll on to my back. Now he sits up and kisses me while continuing to rub me. He used his other hand to caress both of my breasts at the same time.

My body starts to convulse a little bit and I try to keep my moans quiet.

He breaks the kiss and says, "Is it okay if I take these off?"

I hesitate for a moment and then nod. 

He slides my panties off and then says, "Your whole body is so beautiful, Kayoko."

I smile at him, "I'm glad you like it. You're the first to see any of these...intimate parts of me, you know."

He smiles back and says, "I know," before we resume our kiss, and he goes back to touching me how he was before. Now with that last layer of fabric gone, it feels even more intense. His hands are so big and strong, but he's using them deftly, delicately. I guess it makes sense for a piano player. I can tell he doesn't exactly know what he's doing, and I wouldn't expect him to. What he's doing still feels amazing.

This continues for a while, with me moaning softly as he touches me all over my body. I love how his hands feel all over me. I get lost in the sensation for a while. Eventually he sort of bashfully says, "Let me know if you have any…guidance."

I smile at him and move his hand, which was largely focusing on my opening to the area above it. He's done so much work already that this really won't take long. He takes my lead and begins rubbing where I put his hand. Now my body really starts to convulse, my stomach and legs start to tremble.

"Hi…Hideki…"

He smiles down at me as his hands continue to work. A few seconds later, I am nearing the edge. I take his hand that is fondling my breasts and press it against them more roughly. I really want him to grab them. Hard. He gets the hint and pushes against them harder than he usually does, and that plus what is going on down below pushes me completely over. Shockwaves flow throughout my body from my groin to everywhere else, I do my best to muffle an incredibly long moan, but I'm not very successful. I'm pretty sure all my neighbors know what's going on in here now, but I definitely don't care in this moment.

Once it's over I pull him down towards me and kiss him, then I whisper, "You're really good with your hands."

He lays down beside me and smiles proudly. I wonder if I smiled like that the first time I did this for him. It does feel great to make someone you care about feel that good.

Now, he snuggles my naked body. That was so intense that I'm exhausted. I wanted to do something for him, but between my exhaustion and how he's holding me, I don't think that's gonna happen. I hope he isn't too disappointed.

I wake up the next morning in Hideki's arms, but it's a little different than usual, because I'm not wearing anything but my joint braces.

I smile remembering what he did for me last night. I don't know what time it is, but I think I'm going to enjoy being cozy and naked with him a little while longer.

Only a few minutes after I close my eyes, his alarm goes off. Crap. He has to get up and get to studying.

He starts to stir. I turn around and give him a kiss that wakes him up a little more. He opens his tired eyes and realizes I'm naked. He gets a silly smile on his face, and he says,

"I already loved waking up next to you, but I really like your new pajamas."

I laugh at him and say, "I bet you do."

He sits up. It really stinks that he has to go. I won't see him again until tonight. I'm tempted to use my body to distract him. I'm almost sure it would work. But he needs to study, and I need to let him.

As he's getting ready, I throw on some clothes of my own.

Before he leaves, I hug him and we kiss. I say, "Last night was really great. And not just the orgasm part." We laugh. "I'll be looking forward to seeing you tonight. Have a good day."

He smiles and kisses me again and says, "You too, Kayoko."

I hate watching him leave my room.

When he does, I lay back in bed happily. Not too much later, I hear Akari's distinctive knock.

"Come in, Akari."

She does and closes the door behind her with a huge smile on her face.

I say, "What has you so happy this morning?"

She giggles, "Last night…d-did you two…?"

I don't know what she's asking at first, but  then I connect the dots. I turn bright head and put my hands over my eyes.

I say, "You heard, didn't you?"

She laughs, "W-well, I know I heard something I haven't heard before. S-so you guys went all the way?"

I sit up and bashfully say, "No. Not all the way." I sigh. "I guess since you heard I may as well just tell you. He gave me an orgasm with his hands. It was so amazing I immediately fell asleep afterwards."

She nods and smiles, "Th-that's really nice. Do you think you will with him?"

"Will what? Go all the way?"

She nods.

I shake my head. "No."

"Why? Y-you don't love him?"

I frown and wring my hands together. "No. I…I think I do love him. But…I can't tell him."

Akari frowns, "B-because he's leaving?"

I nod, "I don't wanna say it to him. I can't when I know I'm going to lose him. I think…I'm going to have all my other firsts with him. But I'm saving that one for someone else. Someone I think I could be with forever, maybe."

Akari frowns and sits next to me on the bed and hugs me. I don't really know why at first. But then I notice a few tears on my face. So far, I haven't cried about the situation at all. I've thought about it a few times, but never really sat down and let the tears flow. But apparently, I need to.

I hug Akari back and allow myself to cry about the love I know that I'm destined to lose.

Chapter Text

There are only three weeks until Hideki leaves. Time has really gone by quickly. This is partly because being together is so amazing that time flies. But it's also because we see each other a lot less now since he's so busy preparing for exams. We've continued sleeping with each other every night, and if we're not too tired, we usually fool around too. Neither of us has ever brought up having sex. I think he's avoiding it for the same reason I am. But hey, it works. It would be harder if he really wanted to, and I had to keep refusing.

Hideki is studying late tonight, something that is commonplace these days. He has his national admission test tomorrow, and after he finishes that he's going to have to start prepping for his admission test in Tokyo. When he's done studying, he usually texts me and then we meet in my dorm or his.

I'm taking the time to study too, as we have our own tests to worry about. Not quite as scary as anything Hideki or Daisuke are going through right now, but they aren't exactly easy either.

I'm in the library with Ai, Akari, and Carsten. It is the first time I have been with all three of them outside of lunch since the night Akari got hurt. I feel a little bad about that, but none of them have complained. Ai and Carsten understand how new relationships can be, and Akari knows that I only have so much time left.

As a study group, we work well together. We each excel at different subjects. This allows us to have sections where each of us leads the group. I'm good at science, Carsten is good at English, Ai is good at Japanese, and Akari is good at history.

We've been studying dutifully for a few hours now and Ai is starting to get a little restless. She's looking around and fidgeting in her wheelchair.

She asks me, "So, how are things with Hideki?"

I smile while I continue studying without looking up, "They're really good."

"Then I guess you guys are going to try to make it work after graduation, huh?"

I drop my pen mid-stroke and frown. Akari valiantly tries to deflect the issue.

"H-hey, Ai, what did you say were the three main themes in Kokoro? I f-forgot to write it down. Can you help me?"

Ai looks at Akari and then back at me.

Akari's attempt might have made things even worse.

Then she frowns. "You're…not staying together, are you?"

I should have stayed better composed here, but it's getting harder the closer we get.

I sigh and say, "No, we aren't."

Carsten looks up from his book now and he says, "You're not even going to try?"

I shake my head. I feel tears coming but I need to hold them down. We're in public.

Ai scrunches up her face in confusion and says, "Why the hell not?"

"Um…we agreed from the beginning that it would be like this."

Ai's face transforms from one of confusion to one of anger, "You mean he's just…using you? How did he trick you into that?" She turns her wheelchair around in a flash and points it towards the exit. "Where the hell's this guy's room?"

I sigh, "I wanted to do it even though I knew he was going to leave. He told me all the details when I confessed. I agreed to the condition. He didn't do anything wrong."

Carsten says, "Okay…but it still doesn't explain why you aren't even going to try."

I look down as tears start to form in the corners of my eyes, "I'm sorry…I…I…can't talk about this anymore. I think I'm going to go. Akari can fill you in on everything."

I stand up and start getting my things together.

Carsten says, "We don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to."

"Thanks, but my mood is kind of ruined now. It's going to be hard to focus."

Ai frowns and says, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

I sigh, "It's okay. You all care about me, so I get it. But…this is already really hard. I care about all of you, but…I just...don't have it in me to explain myself to you right now." I look at Akari, "You can tell them everything you know, okay?" She nods before getting up to hug me. After we hug I say, "I'll see you all later."

There's only one week left with Hideki. I'm really starting to feel the clock ticking by now. I'm in my room and attempting to study, but I keep thinking about the fact that by the time I know what grade I got on the test I'm studying for, Hideki will be gone.

I've slept in the same bed as him every night we've both been at Yamaku for the last three months. I think maybe I need to stop doing that. Maybe it will make it hurt less when he leaves if I stop sleeping with him every night.

I text him, "Hey, something came up with my mom and she needs my help with something, so I'll be staying down there tonight. That means I probably won't see you again today."

He replies, "Okay, is it something serious? Do you need help?"

Ugh, stop being so nice.

"No, it's not a huge deal. But she needs me."

He replies, "Okay, I understand. See you tomorrow!"

After settling that, I call my mom.

She answers, "Hey sweetie, how are you?"

I reply, "I'm good. I was just thinking I might come stay down there with you tonight. Kind of stressed about tests and it would be a good way to break my cabin fever from all this studying."

This should work well. It'll probably be obvious that I'm upset, but I can explain it as test anxiety or something.

She replies, "Okay, I can come get you now. Does that work?"

"Yep! See you soon."

...

For the first couple of hours at my mom's, she doesn't really ask me anything. After dinner, we're sitting in the living room together, she asks,

"Sweetie, you seem...really down. Is something up? Is it really just tests?"

Dammit, why can she always tell? I didn't want to tell her. I kind of just wanted to say we broke up after the fact and never explain why. She's not going to like that I entered a relationship knowing when it will end. Or that we deceived her. But I can't hide it from her anymore. It's too much weight for me to bear. I normally tell her everything, and holding this back from her for the last two and a half months has been tough.

My voice starts to waver as soon as I start talking, "M-mom…in a week…Hideki and me…we're going to break up."

"You are? But I like him. And I know you do too. I know he'll be in Tokyo, but I thought you two might try to make it work."

"I do l-like him…so much. But…it was kind of something we agreed on…when we started."

My mom raises her eyebrows.

"...I guess I can see why you didn't tell me that. I'm sorry, sweetie. There's no way for you two to change your mind?"

"No. He's moving to the U.S for university. He's pursuing his dream. He's going to be one of the best pianists in the world…I'm not going to stop him."

My mom's face flickers with anger. "So, not only did you not tell me about this arrangement…you two lied to me and your sweet grandparents, when you told us he was going to Tokyo?"

"Um…sort of. He said…'I'll be taking the Tokyo entrance exam' and that's the truth. His dad is making him take it. He just…isn't going."

My mom sighs in frustration and then hugs me, "Well, we're going to talk about the fact that you lied later. But for now, let's forget about it. I think just from what I've seen of you two and how happy you've made each other during this time…it was worth it."

"I agree. I think. But…I can tell it's really going to hurt. I've…sort of put off thinking about it as much as I can. But it's only a week away now."

My mom breaks the hug, grabs her jacket, and says, "I'm going to take you back to campus right now."

"What? Why?"

"You need to spend time with him while you can. I'm sure you're both busy, but find a way. Being down here isn't going to help you. At least if you're on campus you can run up and kiss him while he's on his way somewhere or stay the night in the same bed. I don't want you coming down here again until he leaves, is that clear?"

"I was kind of…letting up a little bit. Maybe it will hurt both of us less."

My mom scoffs, "Come on, we're getting in the car."

I cross my arms and defiantly say, "So, you're not even going to consider my point of view?"

"Nope. It's silly. Get your things."

"At least explain why it's silly."

"I will in the car. We're wasting precious time here."

As we head up the hill she says, "It's silly because it's already going to hurt a lot, sweetie. Spending a few less days together isn't really going to make a difference now. So, enjoy the good while you have it. If you don't get every moment you can with him...you'll regret it later."

"Yeah…okay. You're right. Thanks for…not being mad at me for not telling you the whole story this whole time. I know I usually tell you everything, but…"

"It's okay. I don't know what I would have said at the beginning…I might have been okay with it. I certainly would have had reservations. But like I said, I think it was worth it now. So, it doesn't matter." She looks at me and smiles, "I do hope…in the future, you'll trust me with this kind of thing."

My mom pulls up to the gates to drop me off.

As she ushers me out of the car she says, "I will be here when you need me sweetie. Go get all the moments you can with him, okay?"

"Okay…thanks mom."

I go to the boy's dorm and knock on his door.

When he sees me he smiles and lets me in and then says, "Hey. I didn't think you could see me today?"

"I…made that up. I'm starting to have a really hard time with the fact that…you and I are almost…at the end. And I was pulling away because I didn't want to deal with it. But I told my mom everything and she told me I should come back and take advantage of our time, and she was right." I hug him tightly, "I know this is our last week. But I don't want to talk about that. That's what we've done so far, right? Tried our best to…pretend this is like any other relationship. I want us to just treat every night together as we have all the others. I…I don't think I can handle it right now if we dwell on this being…the end. So, I don't want to. I don't want to say goodbye either. I don't think I can take it. So, when that day comes, w-we'll just part like we would on any other morning."

He nods and runs his hands through my hair and his voice is strained, I think he's holding back tears. I know I am. "Okay. We can do that…if that's what you think is best."

I look up at him, "I think it is. So…this will have to be the last time we ever talk about this. From now on, we're just a regular couple enjoying our time together."

He nods and hugs me tightly and says, "Okay, I understand."

I just woke up in Hideki's arms. This is the last time that will ever happen. The last week has been wonderful, and pretending each day was just any old day worked. But today is different. Because it's the last.

He kisses my neck and says, "Hey, you're up."

"Mm...yep. Kind of wish I wasn't though. You're holding me so nicely."

He gives me a little squeeze, "I like it too. But we…have to go and have our days, you know?"

I turn around to face him and give him a long kiss and say, "Yep. We sure do."

I get up and get dressed while he does the same. His room is entirely packed away except for his bedding, but I'm pretending like I don't see that. He'll be leaving in about 20 minutes, but I'm pretending I don't know that. I'm pretending like this won't be the last time I ever see him. I can't think about that. I think I'll really break down.

I say, "Okay well, I'm going to go." He comes over to me and hugs me tightly. I think he wants to say goodbye, but I can't. I won't. I look up at him and say, "See you tonight, okay? Like usual?"

I see his lip tremble for a moment, but then he says, "Yep. Like usual." We share our usual quick morning kiss. I wave to him and leave his room. Once I'm outside my legs feel like lead. A big part of me wants to say goodbye to him. A big part of me wants to beg him to stay. A big part of me wants to run away with him. But I don't think any of those are a good idea.

I drag myself out of the boys' dorm and make it to my room. I look at the time. He's just about to be gone. Forever. Suddenly I feel very silly.

Why didn't I let him say goodbye to me? I thought it would make it harder. But now I really want that extra moment with him. That was so stupid of me. I sit down on my bed with my head in my hands. I'm never going to see him again…and we didn't say goodbye. Just as I am about to really let myself break, there is a knock on the door.

I open it to see that it's Hideki, and I feel elated. He looks downtrodden and on the verge of tears, so it probably doesn't mean he decided to throw his life away for me. I don't think he should, but I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a moment where I wished that was the case. But I don't care, I still get to see him a tiny bit more. I'll get to say goodbye. I throw my arms around him and pull him down for a kiss which he returns as he wraps his arms around me and closes the door behind him.

He pulls away and we smile at each other, both with tears in our eyes.

He says, "Hi. I just wanted to stop by to see you one last time. I…know you didn't want to say goodbye. I know we wanted to pretend when we left each other this morning it was any other morning. But…I couldn't do that. I had to say goodbye to you. You're too important to me. This…this was really special Kayoko. So much more special than I could have ever imagined. It's so hard to leave you. I….I…I… "

I know he wants to say he loves me. I've wondered whether he knew he was in love with me and just wasn't saying it because he knew it would end this way. I know that's what I'm doing. Now that I see him today…I know he feels the same. Especially because of how hard this is for both of us. We haven't had the courage to say it so far, and I don't think either of us has the courage to say it now.

Instead, he says, "I…I'm really going to miss you."

I put my hand on his cheek and stare into his eyes. "I'll miss you too. Stay in touch, okay? I know we won't be together anymore after you leave this room..." A few tears fall down my face. "But I would like to hear from you. I know you're going to do really, really great over there."

He nods, "Yeah, you keep in touch too. I'll be excited to see what you do."

He hugs me really tight, and we kiss one last time. He walks towards my door. It's like he's walking through molasses. I can tell he's really struggling to do it. But he does. He opens it and turns to me one last time and says,

"G-goodbye Kayoko." I can see that he's trying hard not to break. So am I.

"G-goodbye, Hideki. Th-thank you…f-for everything…."

He nods and smiles at me one last time and closes the door. I hold myself together until several seconds after I hear the stairwell door close. I don't want him to hear me. It might keep him from going. And he has to go. I want him to have his dream. But, as soon as enough time has passed, I lean into the door and start sobbing. I almost fall to my knees but realize that would be a really bad idea for me and keep myself upright. We're going over to my mom's soon for a day that was planned for this occasion, and I know that will help. But I just need to get in my bed right now. I need to cry. Hard. After a few minutes, I hear a distinct knock on the door.

"C-c-come in, A-akari."

She sees me laying on the bed crying like she's never seen me cry before. And like that time with Hiroshi, she gets in bed with me and puts her arms around me and hugs me. It makes me feel a little better.

"I'm s-so sorry, Kayoko. I bet this is really hard."

I start sobbing but do my best to speak through it with my lips and voice trembling, "I th-think if he hadn't l-left…I m-might have married him s-some day. H-he was so wonderful. E-everything I ever wanted in a man. E-exactly the person I a-always imagined b-being with. I kn-knew he was leaving, and t-tried not to fall so in love with him…b-but I did. This is s-so hard. I'm pr-probably never going to s-see him again…and I love him s-so much…It h-hurts s-so much…I w-want to be with him so b-bad…"

Akari knows there isn't really anything she can say, and I appreciate that she doesn't try. She knows I'm just venting and telling her my feelings, and that I don't need her to respond. So, she just keeps holding me. She's crying too. Almost as hard as I am.

...

I wake up in bed with Hideki next to me. It always feels so good to wake up with him.

Wait…this person's too small.

I roll over and see a sleeping Akari, whose face is moist. Mine is too. This is the second time she's done this for me. She's such a good friend.

Hideki left today. I might never see him again. I love him even more than I thought I did. I'm still devastated, but I guess I cried out the most intense emotions, at least for now. Now I'm mostly just thinking of how great it was that we had each other when we did. What we had was wonderful. And I'll always remember that. He'll always be my first boyfriend, and I'm happy that when I think about that, he's who I will remember. I had lots of wonderful firsts with him.

Akari starts to stir now that I've rolled over and moved her arms. I look at my phone and I have six missed calls from my mom. Woops. She was supposed to pick us up an hour ago for our girls' night.

I quickly call her back, and she picks up quickly.

"Hey sweetie. How are you feeling?"

"Crappy. But also okay, I guess? Did some serious crying and fell asleep. That's why I missed your calls. Sorry."

"That's kind of what I figured. Although I thought there was some small chance you decided to run away with him."

I laugh wryly, "The thought…did cross my mind, trust me. But nope. Still at Yamaku."

"Do you three still want to come down here?"

"Yep. Can you get us in about an hour?"

"Yes, see you then. I love you."

"Love you too, mom."

By now Akari has woken up, and she looks really concerned for me. More concerned than I think I've ever seen her. She gently puts her hand on my shoulder and asks, "A-are you doing okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay for right now. I know there will be more tears to come…but it will pass…eventually. I just gotta…mourn for a bit, you know? I know that sounds sill-"

"I-it doesn't sound silly! It is…mourning. He w-was a b-big part of your life…n-now he won't be. I'm so sorry." She hugs me tight, "I'll help you, okay? H-however I can. However you need me to. Just…just ask me and I'll d-do it, okay?"

I hug her back. "Thank you. I know you will. Shall we get ready to go to my mom's?"

...

Akari and I are in the parking lot waiting for mom, Ai, and Carsten.

This will be nice not only because I'm an emotional wreck, but also because everyone is going out of town in a couple of days for the Spring holidays. Akari is going home, and Ai and Carsten will be spending one week each with each of their families. They must be really serious, and I think that's nice.

When Ai and Carsten arrive, they both look at me with a lot of compassion. So much that it might be bordering on pity, but maybe that's what I need right now, because I appreciate it. They give me a three-person hug when they see me.

Ai asks, "How are you feeling?"

I reply, "Kind of alright, I guess. I already miss him terribly. And I may have already bawled my eyes out once today…I'm sure there are many more crying sessions to come."

She nods, "Well, we'll do our best to take your mind off of stuff today."

I smile at her, "Thanks."

Not long after my mom pulls up and she gets out of the car with a similar look of concern on her face and hugs me. Then, we get in the car and head down the hill.

...

Most of our past ladies' nights have involved at least one of us talking about our boy problems. But today is different. They all know talking about it isn't really going to help me. Instead, we were mostly silly.

My mom made my favorite meal for dinner, we ate a lot of junk food after, watched a silly movie, and talked about all kinds of nonsense. It did a good job of keeping me from dwelling entirely on what I lost today.

When we get into bed for the night, I feel very thankful for the three tiny women who are trying so hard to help me, including the two that are in bed with me right now.

I say, "Thank you both…so much. I know…I probably haven't been as good of a friend to you two as I should have been these last three months. So, it means a lot to me that you're both here to help me now."

Ai scoffs, "You haven't been bad to us. You've just been busy. You were with a guy who was going to leave so you wanted to spend as much time with him as you could. It's fine."

Akari adds, "Yeah, d-don't worry about it."

"Still. Next time I'm in a relationship…I'm going to try not to do that. I think it was just the fact he was leaving that made it like this…in the future I need to make time for you two and Carsten."

Akari says, "Okay, that's probably a good thing to do. B-but I think at some point this year each of us got swept up in a b-boy and didn't do a great job of being friends during that time…so, don't feel too bad about it."

Ai says, "What? Me? Swept up in a relationship? Surely you are mistaken." Then she groans, probably a little embarrassed about how she and Carsten were for a while there.

I laugh, "Yeah, okay, I guess that's something we all learned this year. Don't get so swept up in boys."

I stretch my arms out so that I have a hand on each of them. "I'm really glad I am sleeping with you two tonight." Ai giggles at my choice of words and it makes me giggle too. "Seriously though, I am. I…have been with Hideki so many nights. I'm not sure I can sleep alone right now without really getting upset."

Akari gets a little closer to me and wraps her arm around mine. I smile at her.

"So…thanks for sleeping with me you two." Ai giggles again. "See you both in the morning."

I wake up the next morning with a text from Hideki. Just seeing his name in my notifications is enough to make my heart skip a beat. A tiny part of me hopes he decided to stay.

It says, "Hey. I just got to New York and wanted to let you know. I hope you're having a nice day."

This instantly causes me to start bawling loudly enough to wake up my two bed mates. My mom, who must have been in the living room, also hears me and comes into the room.

Akari is the first to put her arms around me, which she does on my left side. Ai does her best to hug me on my right, and my mom gets into the bed and hugs me from the front. It's nice that they are all here trying to comfort me. But it only has a small effect, and I keep crying. Akari starts crying too.

My mom strokes my hair and says, "You love him, don't you?"

I nod.

She and Ai both hug me tighter. Neither of them knew for sure that I love him, I guess.

My mom strokes my hair and says, "I'm so sorry, sweetie. That's really hard."

I calm down a little after telling them this. I guess it is nice for more people to know about that.

My mom lets go of me and sits down on the end of the bed, "What were you thinking about this morning that got you this upset?"

I hand her my phone. She reads the text and shows it to Ai and Akari.

My mom frowns, "I think you'll have to stop texting him for a little while at least, sweetie. Otherwise, you're just going to keep longing for him. I mean, you probably will anyway…but it's really going to be worse if you have him texting you about his life over there."

I start crying again, "B-but I want to talk to him. I want to know about his life. I have to know. I d-don't want him to be gone entirely. At least this way I have him in my life s-somehow."

Ai says, "I know you want that, and I understand why. But if that text upset you this much…I think your mom's probably right."

Akari nods, "It d-doesn't have to be forever. But what you're feeling right now is s-still raw. Maybe just try for a week at first and see how it goes?"

They're probably right. This is probably what's best in the long run. But it's so hard to say that I won't talk to him anymore. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

I stop crying and crumple back into the bed, defeated and emotionally exhausted.

"Yeah, okay. You're right. All of you. I just don't want to admit it. Um…I'm probably going to need someone to keep me accountable here. Check my phone every day, or something…I don't think I'll be able to do it on my own. I want to talk to him too badly."

Akari sits up and wipes her tears and says, "I'll do it."

"Aren't you going home for the Spring holidays? Like…the day after tomorrow?"

"Um…N-no. I decided not to."

I look at her for a moment and then say, "It's because I'm a complete wreck right now, isn't it?"

She laughs softly and says, "I w-want to help you."

My mom says, "That's nice of you Akari, but I'll be here. You don't have to give up your time at home."

"I know I don't have to. But I w-want to."

I hug Akari, "Well..thank you. I'd do the same for you, so I guess it's okay."

Ai says, "Damn, way to make me look bad."

We all laugh, "I'll have my mom and Akari. I'll be okay. Besides, your trip is an important one. It isn't like you're just going home. You and Carsten are taking a big step."

Ai sighs and says, "Yeah, okay…But if you need me Kayoko, you can call."

"I will." I hand my phone to Akari. "Can you two…text him and tell him I don't w-want to talk to him for a while? I…know I can't do it."

They both nod and seem to take their job seriously as they discuss the best way to word it. I largely tune them out because even the discussion about the text is upsetting me. Eventually they send the text and they give me back my phone.

"Thanks…all of you." I sigh. "This is hard. And I think it will continue to be…but knowing you all are here to help…it makes it a little easier."

Chapter Text

Graduation is tomorrow. We are having a little party for Kaito and Daisuke in their dorm room. It is a pretty busy place. They both have a lot of friends, including my little friend group. Kaito of course made the food for his own party. Lots of little pastries that are sort of like a cross between a chocolate croissant and a cinnamon bun. Apparently they are another Israeli thing. Whatever they are, every time I eat one I feel just slightly better about my recent break up, so I've eaten several.

When I return from my most recent trip to the table with all the pastries, I see that my first-year friends have arrived at the party too, and are talking to the soon-to-graduate couple.

Carsten says, "Congratulations you guys. You're both going to Tokyo, right?"

Kaito says, "That's right. We have an apartment we'll be living in together. I'll be going to culinary school."

Daisuke says, "And I'll be going to the University of Tokyo for science."

I hug Daisuke sort of suddenly, startling him a bit, but then he hugs me back.

I says, "I'm glad you're doing what my dad did."

He replies, "Yeah, I am too. He's kind of my role model, you know."

"Yep, I *sniffle* know."

He hugs me a little tighter and quietly says, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. I miss Hideki. And I'm gonna miss you two a lot. But my mom and Akari are taking care of me. Embarrassed to say…I kind of need it right now."

"I'm glad you have them. We'll miss you too."

I finally let him go.

Akari says, "My f-family is in T-tokyo. They even t-teach at your university. So I hope I can s-see you t-two sometimes."

She is doing really well given the number of people in here. It improves my mood slightly. About the same as eating a pastry.

Carsten says, "Yeah, mine live there too."

Daisuke says, "Let us know when you're in the city and hopefully we'll be able to hang out."

As I'm returning to the table to drown my sorrows in more pastries, I see a familiar face. One that makes me think of my ex-boyfriend.

"Hey, Kayoko, how are you?"

"Um…hey, Masa. I'm…surviving. You?"

He grimaces a little, "Yeah, I'm sorry about you and Hideki."

I desperately want to ask him if Hideki is having a hard time being away from me. But I won't. I need to avoid that topic.

"It's okay. How's your um…romance situation?"

There are lots of science club people here so I can't really mention the teacher by name without attracting some attention.

"It's tough. I'm trying to decide how and when to confess."

"Maybe you could write her a letter?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about that. The only thing I don't like about it is she could just ignore it, and I would be agonizing over it while I waited."

"Yeah, I guess that's not ideal. Could you maybe set up a meeting? Tell her you want to thank her or something. I mean, I bet you do want to thank her, right?"

This is providing a surprisingly effective distraction. Another pastry-level mood improvement.

He thinks for a moment with his hand on his chin, "That's actually a really good idea. How do you think I should do the actual confession?"

"Hmm…I have some ideas, but you know what, my two friends over there…" I point towards Ai and Akari, "...probably have some too. If you want to pop by my room after this, we can try and help you."

To my surprise, Masa hugs me. "Thank you, Kayoko. I know it's weird…I like who I like. And I know this probably isn't going to go my way. And I know you're probably struggling right now. So…I appreciate you trying to help."

I say, "Hey, no problem. I want to help, but to be honest you're helping me too. I could really use the distraction."

He releases me from the hug and nods. "Okay, I'll see you in a little while then."

…

I'm in my room now, explaining the situation ahead of Masa's arrival.

Ai says, "So he's like…really in love with her? He isn't just trying to sleep with her because she's hot?"

I nod. "I really think he is, yeah. Um…Hideki knew him better...And really thought he was too."

Hey, I managed to say 'Hideki' without tearing up. It's a small victory, but I'll take it.

Akari says, "This will be interesting. We have d-done these m-meetings for each other but not a b-boy."

There's a knock on the door. I open the door and let our guest in and then I sit down on the bed with Akari, while Ai positions herself next to us.

Masa is nervous, "How does this work exactly?"

"Well, when it's one of us we explain the romance situation and get advice. I guess we've been fairly successful now that I think about it."

Ai nods, "Yeah two relationships have resulted from these meetings so far. Not too bad."

Masa laughs wryly, "Well, hopefully I don't bring down your success rate too much."

He takes a deep breath, "Okay well, I've really liked her for a while. I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world but also really smart and considerate, and witty…and lots of other things."

This draws a "D'awwww" out of Ai. She must be convinced he's really in love with her now.

He smiles at Ai and continues. "I've tried my best getting to know her, given the…special circumstances. I try to talk to her after class and our clubs and stuff. But obviously it always has to be about science. I try to compliment her and stuff, but never about anything…other than classroom stuff. Basically…I've done everything I can to tell her I'm interested in her without crossing a line."

Akarii asks, "Has she ever d-done anything to m-make you think she likes you."

"I don't think so. I mean, sometimes she smiles at me or something and it makes me melt a little, but I don't think it really means anything."

"Yeah, probably not. But she also hasn't been able to cross any lines. So even if she was, I don't think you'd know."

He nods, "Yeah, I guess that's true. Honestly at this point I am all but certain she will reject me. But…I think I still want to tell her how I feel, and how amazing she is. Kayoko told me I would regret it if I don't, and I think she's right."

Ai says, "My God you're adorable."

He laughs, "Thanks. What do you three think is the best way for me to tell her?"

"Well, I think in person is probably best, like you said at the party. That way you don't have the agonizing wait you would have with a letter."

Akari says, "She'll be at g-graduation tomorrow, right?"

Masa nods.

I add, "At the party I suggested he try to get her alone after graduation."

Akari says, "You can s-say you really want to thank her and you have a gift for her, or something like that."

He says, "Yeah…I could see that. I guess I could get her some little gift. Are flowers too cliched?"

Ai says, "Nope! She'll like them, trust me. Doesn't mean she will say she loves you, but she'll enjoy getting them either way. She'll also like being told she's beautiful and all that stuff you said here. I would say all of that again."

I say, "Yeah, that was really good. Compliment her without saying anything creepy, give her flowers, I'd say that will give you the best chance. And like Ai said, she'll like hearing it all no matter what."

He exhales, "Okay. I think that's what I'll do then. Thanks for helping me."

I reply, "Yep. You'll have to let us know how it goes. We're pretty invested now."

He laughs and says, "Okay, I will."

I'm at graduation with my mom, Akari, and my aunt and uncle. Ai and Carsten left earlier this morning.

Graduation is in the indoor athletic center, because it's pouring rain outside. The dark and gloomy weather feels like a reflection of my mood.

I am excited to see my third-year friends graduate, especially Daisuke and Kaito. It will be nice seeing them cross the stage and taking their diploma. But my excitement is definitely dampened by my mental state.

The third name called is "Agata Hideki." Hearing his name hurts a little, but then I start to get excited.

Wait…is he here!? Did he change his mind!? And he's going to surprise me!?

No one comes to claim his diploma. He just must have forgotten to let them know he wouldn't be at graduation.

Tears start silently streaming down my face. Akari has been watching me and has noticed the tears. She puts a hand on my shoulder to comfort me and whispers,, "W-we can go, if we need to."

I shake my head and quietly say. "N-no…I have to stay for Daisuke and Kaito. I-I'll…be okay."

She nods, "J-just…let me know if I can help…any way at all."

I give her a thankful smile and pull myself together and manage to make it through the rest of the ceremony and cheer for my friends when their names are called. The excitement of seeing them cross the stage distracts me for a moment, but the feeling of loss comes back when the moment is over.

I can't believe for a moment I thought he was still here. Talk about denial. I'm really pathetic.

After the ceremony, Akari and I go back to the dorm and she does her best to soothe me during another crying fit, until I fall asleep.

…

When I wake up from the nap later, I feel much better. I get up and go across the hall and knock on Akari's door. She tells me I can come in, and I find her reading manga in bed. I sit down at her desk and say, "Thanks…again, Akari. It is really embarrassing that I'm falling to pieces like this."

"Shut up."

I am a little taken aback by her response, and she notices.

"I just mean…y-you shouldn't be embarrassed. What you are dealing with is really hard."

I nod, and feel my phone vibrate in my pocket.

"It's Masa."

Akari sits up with a smile and pats on the bed next to her, inviting me to sit there. I do, and answer the call.

"Hey Masa, how did it go? I'm with Akari and you're on speakerphone. We will relay the message to Ai."

"Well, it went pretty well. She's not my girlfriend or anything. But she did really appreciate it, loved the flowers, loved what I told her. She told me it wouldn't work because of age and stuff. But, she said I was really sweet and she gave me a nice hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. I haven't stopped smiling."

"Ai isn't here, but if she was, she would say 'D'awwww' because that's pretty adorable."

Akari giggles, "It r-really is."

"Yeah thanks for convincing me to do it, Kayoko. I really would have regretted it if I didn't. And thanks to all of you for your advice."

"Hey no problem. Glad it kinda worked out."

I get off the bed and walk to the other side of the room. Akari looks at me with confusion.

Once I feel I have as much distance as possible, I say, "How's Hideki doing?"

"He's doing-," Before he can answer the question Akari gets up off the bed, snatches the phone out of my hand and hangs up. Then she glares at me. I didn't know she could move so fast.

I sigh, "I'm sorry. I just…it's hard not knowing. I could have gone and locked myself in my room, you know…"

Damn, why am I only thinking of that now?

Akari sighs, "It's okay. I know it's hard. I'm glad I was here though. There's j-just no answer to that question that won't hurt you…and I don't want you to hurt m-more than you have to. I think you have to wait until you g-get to a point where you d-don't feel like you need to know how he is d-doing…before you can start asking."

I sit back down on the bed and pinch the bridge of my nose.

"You're right. I just…I wish it didn't hurt."

Akari sits down next to me, "Me too. D-do you think it was worth it?"

I sigh, "I think it was, yeah. He was wonderful. I'm happy I had lots of firsts with him. I'll have all those memories forever. But…it is harder to say it was worth it than I expected. At least right now."

Akari sits down and hugs me and says, "As you hurt l-less over time, it will feel more worth it. So, I'm glad he made you so happy when he could."

"Me too." I sigh. "Thank you for taking care of me."

Spring Vacation has been great. There are still three days left. Akari and I spent a ton of time together. We used that time to get in some music practice. We have had fun with just the two of us playing together, something we had never done before.

We alternated between campus and my mom's. In both places, Akari was nice enough to sleep with me until I finally felt I could sleep alone again the last few days.

I still miss Hideki terribly, but it's no longer an unshakeable pain that sticks with me all day. I'm overcome with sadness about it from time to time, but that's much more manageable. Akari and my mom have both been important in helping me get here. I'm not sure where I would be without them.

Carsten and Ai are still out of town, and apparently their trip has gone quite well. Both families seem to approve of their child's significant other.

Today happens to be my 17th birthday. Akari and I are down at my mom's, along with my dad's parents, my grandma and Sho and my aunt and uncle. It's nice having everyone here. After these last two weeks Akari and I have gotten even closer, and it really feels like she belongs here with me and my family.

I feel like everyone is being extra nice to me this year, probably a result of the Hideki thing, but I'm enjoying it. I'm about to open my presents, and I'm very excited. We're all gathered in the dining room and I'm sitting down. Akari is next to me on one side and my mom on the other.

My grandpa wants me to open their gift first. He says, "Here's our gift, my dear. I hope you'll like it."

I smile at him, "I'm sure I will."

He pushes over a wrapped gift that is very square. I think I know what this is because I told him I would like one.

When I take off the wrapping paper it's what I expected: a chess set. It's a light wooden one too. As much as I like my dad's heavy marble one, it is just heavy enough to be kind of a problem for me to move. Plus, my mom and grandpa play on it often and I wouldn't want to take it away from them.

I hold up the box for the gathered people to see, "Grandma and grandpa got me a chess set, which will really be nice to have in my room. Thank you, Grandma and Grandpa."

My mom says, "Here, sweetie. Open mine next."

She hands me a medium-sized rectangular box in pink wrapping paper. I can immediately tell it is clothing. I take off the wrapping paper and open the top of the box. When I see what's inside, I immediately close the top of the box and then gesture for my mom to come closer. I whisper, "Did you mean to give this to me now?"

She looks confused and says, "Yes, sweetie. What's the big deal?"

I think about who's here for a moment, and I guess she's right. The only people who might bat an eye at this are my dad's parents, and they aren't even going to be wildly offended. Just mildly surprised. Still, I probably don't need to show everyone these. I can just tell them.

"My mom got me some cute bras which I will leave concealed so as not to offend anyone's sensibilities. Thank you, mom." Everyone laughs. No one is surprised that my mom would get me such a thing and have me open it publicly either. I did mention to her that I wish it were easier to find cute front clasping bras, and she found me some so it's a great gift. I slide the box over to Akari who peeks at them and nods approvingly.

My mom smiles and says, "You're welcome, dear."

My Aunt wants me to open their gift next and hands me what feels like a sheet music book. She says, "It's from Daisuke too. He was sad he couldn't be here this year."

I remove the wrapping paper and find a newly published version of Saki's songs, featuring a forward and commentary from my aunt. I get a little choked up for a second and hold the book to my chest. Then I look at her and say, "This is amazing! I didn't even know this was a thing!"

She laughs, "I'm glad you like it. I thought you could use your own book of her music to have up at the school."

I smile at her, "You're right. Thank you. Oh, for everyone else - my aunt and uncle and Daisuke got me a sheet music book by my favorite composer – which is Saki of course. Thanks, you two."

Next, Sho hands me a card. When I open the envelope, I see a black and white card with music notes on it. When I open it, I am surprised to see that is a pop card that has a paper piano inside. Everyone is as surprised as me when it starts playing classical music. I say, "This is the coolest card ever!" and Sho laughs. "I'm glad you like it, but there's something else in there."

I notice a folded piece of paper that is under the piano, I take it out and see it is a gift certificate to my favorite store in Sendai. My grandma used to take me there for my birthday and buy me something. I think they went with this because she probably can't do that anymore. So, the gift is a little bittersweet.

I announce, "My grandma and Sho got me this amazing, card, as well as a gift certificate to buy some clothes in the city. Thank you, Grandma, and Sho."

My grandma says, "Yes of course, happy birthday dear."

I smile at Akari and I say, "Okay Akari, it looks like your gift is last."

She smiles back and hands me a small rectangular box in pink wrapping paper. I open and see a beautiful hair clip that looks like piano keys. It makes me smile immediately. I've seen some like this before, but they usually look cheap and plastic. This one doesn't. Both the white and black keys are made of some sort of iridescent material, so it has a neat shine to it.

I take it out of the box and show everyone, "Akari got me this really beautiful piano hair clip." I smile at her and put a hand on her shoulder, "Thank you, Akari. And thank you everyone for all my gifts. I know it's getting late, but I really appreciate you all coming today. It has been really nice, and I love you all."

With this, the party is pretty much over, and before long it is just me, my mom, and Akari. My mom is cleaning up and as usual she won't let us help, so me and Akari are alone at the dining table.

I'm admiring my hair clip in the box, when Akari asks, "You really like it?"

"Of course, it's beautiful."

"You m-mentioned wanting to try different stuff with your hair this year. And I thought it might b-be worth trying. You can do all kinds of stuff with it."

"I think you're right. What is it made of, by the way?"

"M-mother of pearl."

"Wow, fancy. It does look amazing. I think it will look nice against my dark hair."

I gather the top half of my hair behind my head and use the hair clip to keep it in place, giving me what I think is called a 'half up' style. This gets all my hair out of my face while making my hair look much different from behind too.

"How does that look?"

She looks for a moment and says, "Really good."

I laugh, "Now we can both have hair accessories."

She giggles, "Are you glad I didn't get you a p-pink headband?"

I laugh, "Yes. They look really cute on you, but they don't seem like they would work on me."

My mom comes back to sit with us in the dining room examines my hair and says, "Wow, that does look really nice."

"Thanks. I like it. I'm going to try some different stuff with my hair this year."

My mom nods, "That's always fun. You could always try twin tails. Drove the boys crazy when I was in school."

I laugh, "I don't think I could pull that look off. Plus, I can't do that with my hair clip. I guess I can do all kinds of different ponytails though. I'm going to need to do some research."

Akari says, "Emi…did you r-really drive the boys crazy when you were in school?"

She laughs, "Honestly? A little bit, yeah."

Akari giggles.

I scoff, "Nice modesty, mom. Oh, thanks a lot for those bras, by the way."

She smiles, "I'm glad you like them, even if you were kind of a prude about them."

I scoff, "What did you want me to do, try them on for everyone?"

Akari giggles and says, "That w-would have really made this a different kind of party."

We all laugh.

My mom gets serious for a moment and puts a hand on my shoulder, and asks, "How are you holding up, sweetie?"

Well, I was doing better before you asked that and brought me back down to earth following my nice birthday party.

"I'm okay. It's getting a little easier overall. I've been able to sleep on my own, for one thing. But…I still really miss him. And I have moments where I break down and just want to call him or text him. But I guess there are less of them."

Akari nods in agreement.

My mom says, "That's good. I thought you seemed to be doing better. Soon you'll have a new school year, and there will be new boys around too. That will help."

I frown, "Maybe. I…can't really imagine dating again any time soon."

"I know, sweetie. I was mostly teasing. But just looking at some boys can help." She pauses for a moment and says, "Oh, I do have some news I think you'll both like, about the school year."

Akari and I look at each other, and Akari says "Wh-what is it?"

My mom leans back in her chair confidently and says, "Well, Akari will be in your class now. And Hiroshi won't be."

I'm happy, but Akari looks overjoyed and asks, "How did you do that?!"

My mom says, "Well, I didn't have anything to do with the Hiroshi thing. Apparently, he didn't pass his exams and has to repeat the first year."

Karma is a bitch.

Akari says, "B-but you had something to do with me?"

"Yep. I talked to your parents about how your anxiety is affecting your education. I suggested that switching to a class with your friends in it would help you."

Akari says, "Y-you…talk to my parents?"

My mom smirks, "Sometimes. Your mom got my number when she was here. We've talked two or three times." She frowns a little, "I guess I should have told you instead of it looking like we were talking about you behind your back, huh?"

Akari says, "N-no…it's fine." She gets up and hugs my mom and says, "How are y-you this amazing?"

She hugs her back and says, "Genetics, I guess." Then she smirks at me and says, "Sorry, Kayoko."

"Did you just make a joke about me being adopted? I feel like that must be forbidden in the adoptive parents' handbook. I'm going to call the orphanage and report you."

She sticks her tongue out at me before standing up and yawning.

"Well, girls. I'm all partied out, so I think I will head to bed."

I yawn, "Honestly, I am surprisingly tired myself. What about you Akari?"

She nods and we get ready for bed.

...

I'm now in bed with Akari next to me. Something that has been quite commonplace these last two and a half weeks.

"Th-that was a really nice party."

I smile, "It was, wasn't it? I liked all my gifts, and it was nice seeing everyone at once."

She nods, "It m-made me feel even more like I'm part of the family too, which was nice."

I put my hand on her shoulder, "I think everyone who was here pretty much considers you part of the family."

"R-really?"

"Yeah. They see you a lot, they know you're close to me and my mom, they know you've helped with lots of things. If that's not family, I don't know what is. Maybe I'm just saying that because I know I'm adopted, but I certainly think of you as family at this point."

Akari gets a little closer and snuggles into me a little. I put my arm around her.

Then she says, "I really like that we're so close. You're r-really important to me."

I smile and say, "You're really important to me too. Goodnight, Akari."

It's the day before classes start.

I have my first therapy session today. Mental therapy, that is. Apparently physical therapy alone isn't enough for me. I'll be spending even more time in the medical building from now on.

I took Hideki's suggestion to try therapy to heart. There are a lot of things I need help coping with. It makes me a little sad to know that I'm here because he cares about me so much, but he isn't even a tiny part of my life right now. But I guess, in a way, the fact I'm doing this because of him does keep him in my life in an indirect way.

When I told Akari I would be doing therapy she was happy too. It turns out she's been going to therapy regularly since coming to Yamaku. It makes sense, but she never talked about it, so I had no idea. She also thinks it will help. I have a feeling that she has wanted to tell me to try it for a while but couldn't quite do it.

The receptionist says, "Nakai," so I get up and walk to the desk. There's a smiling man waiting for me next to the desk. He's a little taller than me and in his 60s. His hair is entirely gray, but surprisingly thick and surprisingly long for a man his age. He has it pulled back into a ponytail. He's also wearing sandals. He's wearing an Argyle sweater vest too, which reminds me of dad, and I can't help but smile when I see it. My first impression of the man is that he seems a little offbeat, but very welcoming.

When I reach him, he says "Hello Ms. Nakai. I'm Mr. Tatsuzawa, it's nice to meet you. Follow me and we'll head to my office."

I nod and give him a standard greeting before following him.

When we reach his office, I find a room that almost immediately makes me relax. The lighting is dim, it smells nice, and he has a small fountain that makes a pleasant sound. Lots of nice indoor plants too. I guess you'd want a relaxing environment for this.

He invites me to sit wherever I want in the room. I choose a comfy looking chair with big arms. He sits across from me in another chair.

Once we're settled, he smiles and asks, "So, what are you hoping to get out of therapy?"

"Um…well, I'm struggling with some things…emotionally I guess."

"Like what?"

I don't know why, but this man has me oddly at ease. Maybe it's just the sweater vest. Maybe it's that I know he's going to try to help me. But I don't feel strange about telling him everything. I guess that's probably a characteristic you need to have as a therapist.

"Well…I guess the biggest things is that I sometimes feel like the world is unfair, and sometimes I just want to give up. I don't mean…kill myself, I want to make that clear. But I do mean that I just want to stop trying so hard in life, because sometimes it feels like it doesn't matter what I do."

He says, "I see. What makes you feel that way?"

"Well, my dad died about a year and a half ago. He was only 57. That sort of…set this off, I guess. I never thought like this before I lost him. He had a heart condition, and he did absolutely everything he was supposed to do to keep his heart healthy. Exercised a lot, ate well, he had a pacemaker…and then he still died early from a heart attack. That's the first time I remember thinking the universe is unfair."

He nods, "I'm sorry for your loss. That does sound like something we should talk about more. But it sounds like there are some other things that have made you feel this way. Tell me about those."

I should tell him about the incident that made Hideki think I needed therapy.

"Well, a few months ago I had a moment where I felt lower than I ever have. I have a condition where I can easily get hurt. Just by bumping into something wrong or tripping and falling. Normally, I handle this well. But I haven't been doing a very good job of it lately, especially when I hurt my arms. I'm in band and I play piano, and I had already missed a lot of time with another injury, so I was working hard to catch up. Then, I ended up hurting my elbow about a week before the concert I was preparing for. When that happened…I really made the decision to give up because I thought it was unfair that it happened to me."

"Can you explain a little more to me about what you mean when you say 'give up'?"

"Well, I fell when I got hurt. And normally I would try to get help and go to the nurse. Maybe call someone on my phone using my good arm or at least cry for help. But instead, I just laid there. I don't even know how long it was. Probably at least 30 minutes. The only reason I came out of it is because a…friend showed up and managed to pull me out of it."

"Your voice broke a little bit when you mentioned your friend. Is that because of the incident, or is there something else?"

Damn therapists. I was kind of hoping to avoid talking about this.

"Um…there's something else, I guess. That friend became my first boyfriend. But…he was two years older. He graduated and moved to the U.S., so we broke up. I'm still struggling with that, but I think it's more of a temporary thing."

Mr. Tatsuzawa hands me a tissue box. I didn't even realize I was crying. I thank him and wipe my tears.

He leans back and thinks for a moment, "So, it sounds like you're struggling with the loss of your father and the limitations brought on by your condition, and those have been long term. While your breakup is something very fresh and recent. Do you think that's an accurate assessment?"

I nod, "Yeah. I hadn't really thought about it in those terms, but that sounds about right."

"I think I can help you with all those things. But I think perhaps right now it might be best to talk about your breakup. You're right that it is probably temporary, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't talk about it. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, of course."

I sigh, "I guess we can talk about it. I was sort of hoping I wouldn't have to. But I suppose you're the expert here."

He laughs softly and says, "Thank you for your vote of confidence. How do you feel about the break up today?"

I frown. "Sad, I guess, is the best way to put it. It was…a strange relationship. We only got together a few months before he had to leave, so we always knew it had an endpoint. Despite that…I fell in love with him. So, it has been quite hard to go from seeing him every day to not even talking to him."

"What is your support like?"

"Support?"

"Are there people helping you cope?"

"Oh, yeah. My mom and my best friend are a big part of why I'm even doing this well."

"Good. It's important to have some support with these things. Are you still in contact with him?"

I sigh, "No. My friends and my mom convinced me to not talk to him until I'm feeling better. I think they're right, but I desperately want to talk to him sometimes. Do you think that's the right thing to do?"

He replies, "I think your family and friends are right. The process will be much slower if you're still in contact with him. Hearing how he is doing will hurt you no matter what. If he's doing just fine, you'll be hurt that he isn't having as hard of a time as you are. If he's really hurting, you'll hurt for him and long to help him when you can't. So, it's probably best for both of you to get past that point before you become friends."

Damn. He pretty much said the same thing Akari did.

I frown, "I was kind of hoping you'd overrule them."

He laughs softly, "Sorry. Are you familiar with the five stages of grief?"

I nod, "A little. I talked about them with my mom when we lost my dad. Is a breakup really the same?"

"Well, it's not the same, exactly. But one does tend to go through similar phases. Right now, I think you're probably in the depression phase."

"What does that mean?"

"In this case, you're really feeling the loss of the person, and it's hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel."

I sigh, "Yeah…that does sound right. What phases are left?"

"Well, classically, your next phase would be acceptance. I will say that not everyone goes through all of the phases, and not in the same order, either. Some people even go through them all at the same time. I think it's a good idea for us to think about these stages today, so that you're prepared for the different things you might end up feeling. It may also help us unpack things you're feeling now."

I nod, "Okay. That makes sense."

"So, the first phase is denial. This means that you haven't really accepted the relationship is over. Does any part of you feel that way?"

I fidget in my seat, "I mean…I know it's over…but sometimes I think…maybe in two years I'll go to school where he is, and we can be together again. I haven't let go of that hope. Is that denial?"

He strokes his beard for a moment, "Denial is probably part of that, yes. For you to feel better about this, you will eventually need to accept that the chances of that happening are quite low."

I sigh and quietly say, "Are they, though?"

"Unfortunately, I think they are. Two years is a very long time. Especially for young people. Even if you two still do want to be together by then, you'd then have to get into the same school, be able to move to the U.S., and so forth."

"Okay, when you put it like that… I'll try to accept that it almost definitely won't happen. Thank you for laying things out logically. That seems to be helping my currently illogical brain."

He smiles and says, "That's the plan."

"The next phase is anger. Have you felt any anger about the situation?"

"No, not really. I can't imagine being angry at him about this, either."

"Well, it is possible at some point you will find yourself angry either at him or yourself. Given what you told me about your feeling of the universe being unfair, you may even find yourself angry at the universe."

"Okay, what should I do if that happens?"

"While staying angry for too long isn't a good thing, experiencing that anger can help you process everything. So, unless it really gets out of hand, it isn't necessarily a bad thing to just sort of go with it. We'll check back to see how you're doing with it every time you come in."

"Okay. What comes next?"

"Bargaining. It generally means you spend too much time thinking about ways you could have kept your breakup from happening. Does that sound like anything you're thinking?"

I sigh, "I guess so. Sometimes…I wish I ran away with him or begged him to stay. I…never told him I loved him because I knew he was leaving. Sometimes I wonder if I had told him if things would be different. If we might have tried to make long distance work or something. And, in moments when I'm really hurting…I wish I hadn't entered the relationship at all."

He nods, "That does sound like bargaining. It can be helpful to look back on where we might have gone wrong, as it can help us make better decisions in the future. However, a problem can arise where we dwell on these thoughts for too long. Doing so doesn't help us too much, especially because we can't do anything to change the past. So, be careful of that."

I nod, "Okay. I'll try to limit those thoughts. That means the next one is depression?"

"That's right, and we've already discussed that one. Talking through this, it sounds like the only one you haven't experienced at all is anger. So, you may be closer to acceptance than you think."

"That would be nice. This has been…helpful, thank you. Just talking it through has been good. I really like science, so sort of laying this out in empirical terms makes it easier for me to process."

He smiles, "Yes, I thought I picked that up from you. That's why I went with this route."

I laugh, "Well, you're really good, then."

He smiles warmly at me. "Thank you, Ms. Nakai. It looks like our time is up for the day. If you found this helpful, we can meet once a week to work through the things you shared with me today."

I stand up to get ready to go and say, "I'd like that. I'll make an appointment for next week out front. Thanks again."

He smiles, "See you soon, then. Have a lovely day, Ms. Nakai."

As I walk back out to the waiting area to make my next appointment, I can't help but silently thank Hideki for getting me to come here. Kind of funny that the first thing I received help with was losing him.

Chapter Text

I just finished getting ready for the first day of my second year at Yamaku. I'm in front of the mirror doing my hair. I am using the hair clip Akari got me to put it into a low ponytail. My hair is long and wavy, and it does this pretty cascading thing when I put it like this. I think I'm going to enjoy all the different things I can do with it. They say people change their hair after a breakup, and that's what I'll be doing. I might even try something different every day for a while.

Before heading to the school building, I stop and knock on Akari's door so we can walk together. But there's no answer.

I say, "Akari, if you're asleep in there it's time to get up." I don't hear anything. She's not really someone who sleeps in either. Her anxiety often makes her get up in the morning. Since she's in a new classroom, maybe she was anxious and wanted to get there early. I'll probably see her there.

When I get to class, I see Ai and Carsten, but no Akari.

It's the first time I've seen these two since they left for the break, and I am curious how things are going for them.

"So, I hear your trip went pretty well, huh?"

Ai smiles, "Really well. It was nice to get to know one another's family."

Carsten nods, "Yeah, it went way better than we could have imagined, I think. Our families are happy we're together. It's really nice."

"Aw, that's great!"

Ai looks at me with some concern. "How are you doing with things?"

I reply, "I'm alright. Still sad about stuff, but I'm not consumed by it anymore like you had to see that morning before the break. My mom and Akari really helped. That's progress, I guess. Speaking of which, did you guys see Akari this morning?"

Ai says, "No. She's going to be in this class now, right?"

I nod, "Yeah, she should be here. She didn't answer her door earlier. I guess I'll text her."

I sit down in my seat and text her, "Hey, where are you? Are you okay?"

By lunch, she hasn't responded. I leave Ai and Carsten to check her dorm again but there's still no response. I'm starting to get worried, but I have to get back to class. The first band meeting isn't until tomorrow, so once classes are over for the day, I'll have time to find out what's going on.

By the end of classes for the day, I still haven't heard anything from Akari. I'm really at a loss of what I can do here. I've texted her and I've checked her room. What else is there? And why wouldn't she say anything to me? I try to call my mom for advice, but as I expected, she doesn't pick up. She's probably with a patient.

I guess I'll go check her room one more time. Then maybe convince the dorm keeper to open the door for me. I don't know what else to do. I'm sure my mom will have some ideas when she's available, but I'm already freaking out and don't want to wait until then.

I go back up to Akari's room and knock on the door. I say, "Akari…if you're in there, I'm really worried...if there's something going on, will you please let me help?"

There's no answer, so I lean against my own door, and I start to tear up. I have no idea where my best friend is, and I don't know what to do. My heart is starting to beat fast.

Then I hear movement in Akari's room, and the door makes a noise that I know means it is unlocked. But it isn't open. I guess that's as close of an invitation as I'm going to get.

I slowly open her door and once my eyes adjust to the darkness, I see she's here, lying in the bed with her back facing me.

I pull her desk chair close to the bed and sit down.

"What's going on, Akari?"

She rolls over and I see that there's a painful looking butterfly-shaped red rash covering her cheeks and nose. She's told me about this before, but I haven't seen it in the whole time I've known her.

"It's your lupus?"

She nods.

"Can I do anything to help?"

"N-no.…j-j-just go…"

"What? Why are you saying that? Why would I leave you when you're hurting? You've been taking care of me for weeks and you want me to leave you because of this?"

She rolls back over, and I can hear from her voice that she's crying, "This is d-different. I'm g-going to go back to being how I w-was before you met me. B-back to who I was with no f-friends. B-back to s-someone who c-can't even t-talk to anyone. You d-don't want to be friends with me when I'm sick all the t-time." She rolls back over and looks up at me, "My s-symptoms are all back. My hips hurt like they used to. I have m-my rash. I'm completely exhausted. I had to sleep most of the day. I can't do normal s-school anymore… I'm g-gonna have to go home. G-go back to being the old sick Akari. I..d-don't want you to see me like this."

"Akari, can I get in the bed with you right now without hurting you?"

She hesitates for a moment and then says, "Yeah. Just don't t-touch my face or my hips."

I do as she says and give her a little snuggle hug.

"Akari…I'm not going to leave just because your lupus is back. You're my best friend, I want to help you."

"E-even if...I'm always l-like this now?"

"Of course. Wouldn't you still be my best friend if I always had one of my dislocations?"

She rolls over and puts her arms around me.

"Thank you, Kayoko…I d-don't really want you to leave. I am just … really scared. I woke up this morning and it felt almost n-natural to feel this way. Like the last year and a half w-w-as a dream."

"That must be really scary. I'm so sorry, Akari."

"I j-just thought I was done with this. B-but I guess the medication only worked a little while. I d-don't want to have to go home." She starts crying harder. "I d-d-don't want to leave you…"

"I don't want you to go either. Have you seen the nurse?"

"N-no. What's the point? I know what's going on. I've lived with it my whole l-life. If I g-go…she's just going to send me home…"

"She might be able to help with medications that will make your symptoms better…and she won't send you home if you don't want to go."

She sighs, "I guess you're r-right."

"Do you want me to get you a wheelchair? I can probably call Carsten to help."

"N-no. I can walk. Just…n-not very fast."

She gets up and we walk to the nurse together. It really pains me to see her like this. Like she said, she has to walk slowly. Even slower than my usual plodding pace. Her movements are stiff, and she's grimacing in pain constantly. It's how someone in their 90s should move, not a girl who isn't even 17. I can't believe she put up with this for 15 years. And I can't believe the universe is doing this to her after she thought she finally found an answer to her years of pain and fatigue.

When we get to the nurse's office, we sit down on two chairs in one of the examination rooms and wait. Akari is still very upset, and I do my best to comfort her by holding her. Once the nurse comes and sees Akari, she knows what's happening right away from the rash on her face. The nurse looks about as happy about it as we are. She kneels to get a good look at her.

She asks, "When did this start?"

Akari frowns and looks down as tears start to make their way down her face, "W-when I woke up this morning."

The nurse frowns, "Is it all the symptoms you used to have? Swollen joints, rash, fatigue?"

Akari nods.

"I can get you some anti-inflammatories. That will help a little. But you probably just need to rest." She puts her hand on Akari's shoulder to get her to look up and then smiles at her, "I can see you're upset… so I think it's important you know that there's a really good chance this isn't as bad as it seems."

Akari looks at the nurse incredulously and says, "How?"

"There's a very good chance this flare won't last as long as they did before your medication. You've done amazing on it, but it doesn't usually eliminate flares entirely. It just makes them shorter and less frequent. So, it is likely you'll feel better in a week or so. There is a small chance that the medication no longer works for you. That happens sometimes and we will deal with it if it's the case. But it is a very unlikely outcome."

Thank goodness. I was about to rip the universe a new one.

Akari brightens up a little and smiles at the nurse, "S-so, I don't have to go home?"

The nurse smiles back. "No, not unless you want to. You will need to listen to your body and rest the next few days, so going somewhere that's comfortable for you is a good idea, whether that's home or your dorm room, or the Nakai's of course." She winks at me. "I'll write a note for your teachers, and I'm sure Kayoko here will help you catch up when you feel up to it."

I smile at her, "Yep, Carsten and Ai can help too."

"Well, I'm going to go put the prescription order in. They'll bring it in here and then you'll be able to go. I hope you feel better, Akari."

After she leaves, Akari leans into my shoulder and cries. "I th-thought I was going to go back to how I w-was…"

"Listen, Akari…I'm really glad you aren't going back to being sick all the time, but I want you to know something. Can you look at me?"

She does as I ask, and I lock eyes with her.

I already said this, but I think she needs to hear it again.

"Even if your lupus is back to how it was, and you had to go home, you're still my best friend, okay? That isn't going to change. I'm not going to abandon you. I love you."

She smiles wide and hugs me, "Okay…thank you. I…love you too. I was just…really scared…waking up how I did. I thought I was g-going to lose you…and everything here."

We hug for a little while longer and then she says with some newfound strength, "Anyway, I c-can handle a few days. I s-survived for years, after all."

"Yeah…seeing how hard it is today, I don't know how you did it. I mean, I know I have my own thing and I'm in pain a lot…but it never really gets as extreme as this is for you. I get why sitting inside and playing the French horn was one of the few things you could really do. That sucks."

She nods, "It really does."

"Hey, where do you want to be while you rest the next few days?"

Akari says, "Where are y-you gonna be?"

"Well, if you want me to, I can stay wherever you are. After all, you just stayed here at Yamaku for me over something as trivial as break-up." I laugh. "So, if you stay at my mom's I'll stay with you."

She scoffs, "Not t-trivial, but…no energy to argue…your mom's s-sounds nicest. Will that be okay?"

I laugh, "Of course it will. Even the nurse knows that. Don't you know my mom loves you?"

She smiles and says, "Yeah, I do."

"It's late enough now that she isn't here anymore, so I'll go call her. I'll be in front of the building once you're ready."

She nods.

I go out in front of the building and call my mom.

"Hey sweetie, how was your first day of year two?"

"A little too eventful. Akari is having her first lupus flare in forever."

My mom groans. "What a nice first day she must be having."

"Yeah, it's bad. But the nurse thinks it will be short thanks to her medication. Do you think we can come stay down there with you the next few days? She needs a lot of rest, and she'll be happier down there than in the dorms. I will stay with her too, but go to campus and leave campus with you, like when I lived there."

"Yeah, it will be nice having you two and I'm happy to help her. When should I get you?"

"Well, we need to get back to the dorms and grab a few things. So maybe an hour?"

"Alright sweetie, see you soon."

...

We just got to my mom's house for the night. Akari already seems a little bit better from her new prescription. Moving doesn't seem quite as painful.

Akari is on the couch and looks like she's about to fall asleep.

My mom notices. "Akari, before you go to bed, we should probably feed you. You haven't eaten all day, have you?"

"No."

"Okay, do you want something more like a meal? Or just a snack. I have melon bread."

"Melon b-bread please."

"You know, mom, I haven't had anything to eat in a while either."

She scoffs, "You aren't hurt right now, are you? In fact, why don't you get Akari's melon bread."

"Jeez. Ever hear of hospitality, mom?"

Akari softly laughs and my mom sticks her tongue out at me.

I get up and get melon bread for each of us before returning to the couch. After she finishes eating, Akari turns to me mom and says,

"Emi, thank you as usual f-for taking care of me. And for letting me stay here. I d-don't know if it's weird for m-me to say this…but I love you like family."

My mom moves next to her and says, "It's not weird. I love you too. You're like a daughter to me, Akari."

Akari hugs my mom and cries softly while my mom gets choked up too. I know Akari's mom loves her, but having someone warm like my mom in her life has really done Akari a lot of good. My mom having Akari in her life has probably helped her too.

"Well girls, I am going to go to bed. I would recommend you do the same Akari."

Akari nods. "Don't worry. I c-couldn't stay up if I wanted to."

I say, "Akari, do you need to sleep on your own? So, you can really spread out and not worry about me bumping you in the night or something?"

"N-no. I will feel better with you." She laughs softly, "You make it sound like you normally kick me in your sleep or something."

...

Akari's asleep next to me right now but I can't get to sleep. Mostly because I'm thinking about doing something very bad.

Akari's not really in condition to check my phone these next few days. I could take advantage of the situation and talk to Hideki. I think it would really hurt Akari's feelings if I did it when she's basically incapacitated. That's the only thing that has kept me from grabbing my phone and texting him right now. But…I might still do it. He'll be awake right now too, because of the time difference. Maybe we could text for a few hours. Yeah…I'm gonna do it. I have to know how he is. I just want to talk to him. What's so wrong with that? Akari will never know.

I grab my phone and go to select Hideki's name from the phone book. I can't seem to find it. That's…weird. I look several more times, but it still isn't there. I check our old texts, because even if he isn't in my phone book, his number should be saved there. But I can't find our old texts either. The last place to look is in the call history. But those are gone too. I have absolutely no idea what his phone number is either, who remembers those things these days?

I look at the small, adorable sleeping girl next to me. She must have done this as a fail safe for a time just like this. A time where I was going to break, and she couldn't do anything about it. That's impressive. She's taking her job of holding me accountable very seriously.

I could still text Masa or somebody and get his number that way. But it's the middle of the night and spending this extra time thinking about this has made me realize it is probably for the best if I don't text Hideki anyway. I guess I'll go to sleep.

The next day at lunch I fill Ai and Carsten in on everything with Akari.

Carsten says, "That sucks. She told me how bad it used to be…I can understand why she was so scared."

Ai says, "Yeah, seriously. Glad it doesn't look that bad."

I nod, "Me too. I figure the three of us can get her up to speed on stuff when she's ready to come back, that's what I told our teachers too. Although, she's the one who is good at history…so we all might be in a little bit of trouble there for this first week." We all laugh.

Carsten says, "Do you think we could visit her today?"

Ai says, "Yeah, that's a good idea."

"We probably can, I'll check with my mom and see if Akari is up to it."

Carsten says, "That would be cool. You know…I've never been to your mom's."

My eyes open wide reflexively, "That can't be true…can it?"

Ai giggles. "It is. I've been down there a bunch for girls' nights, but not him, for obvious reasons." She points in the direction of his crotch, which I do my best to ignore.

"Still…I thought you had been down there at some point…"

He laughs, "Nope! But that's okay. I get that I'm your third favorite friend these days. I knew you before Akari or Ai ever did, but it doesn't seem to help me out too much in the rankings."

I laugh, "Hey, there aren't rankings!"

"Sure there aren't, Kayoko. Sure there aren't."

He's kidding, but I think he's a little hurt. He was my first friend at Yamaku after all. And…I guess I don't blame him if he's NEVER been there…

"Well, I'm sorry you've never been. That is…bad of me. Seriously. I didn't mean to make going to my mom's such a 'girls only' thing. You'll get to go soon, okay! Probably today if I get the approval."

He smiles, "It's okay. I'm looking forward to going."

"Speaking of which, we need to plan Akari's birthday."

Ai nods, "It's next week, right?"

I nod, "Yeah, on Friday. Unfortunately, she may still feel like crap. Knowing Akari she's not going to want to go somewhere anyway."

Carsten says, "Well if she's still at your mom's we can do it there. We can just do it in a dorm room too."

"She may want to have it at my mom's anyway. The two of them are quite close, so maybe we'll just plan on that. So maybe you'll get to go to my mom's twice in one week, Carsten!"

He laughs, "I'll believe it when I see it."

...

I just walked into the music room for the first band meeting of the year. There are lots of new faces with the new first years, and some of the students from last year are gone. Like Hideki.

My aunt sees me come in and walks up to me. "How are you? Ready to be the first chair piano?"

I laugh, "I'm the only one this year, aren't I?"

She smirks, "Yes, you are. You still get to put 'first chair' on your resume though." She winks.

"Speaking of first chairs, Akari isn't doing very well. She's in the middle of a lupus flare so we'll be without her this week and maybe some of next."

My aunt grimaces, "That's a rough way to start the year."

"It is. She's staying at my mom's while it's bad. I'm sure you'll be over there at some point anyway, so you might see her."

I go to sit down at the piano. It's a little weird to be here. I mean, we came here some over the break, but now that I'm here for band again, it's bringing back a lot of memories. This exact spot I'm occupying was important for me and Hideki. It's where he started to have feelings for me, where I confessed to him, and where we had our first kiss. Luckily, I'm not bawling about it or anything, but I'm a little bit shaken. So shaken that I don't notice that someone is standing to my left.

It's Michi. He looks upset. I haven't really talked to him since Akari broke up with him. I turn to him and say, "What's up, Michi?"

He looks really worried. He says, "H-hey…I'm sorry to eavesdrop but I heard part of what you said to the teacher. Akari's lupus is back?"

"Yeah. It is. It shouldn't be how it used to be though, more temporary."

He nods, "O-okay. Um…let me know how things are going for her, okay?"

I sigh and say, "You know, you can text her yourself."

He frowns, "I try sometimes. She doesn't answer me."

"Well, she's probably more likely to if you tell her to get well soon or something. But fine, if she doesn't, I'll let you know how she's doing when I see you."

He nods, "Thanks. I can…tell you don't like me. I understand why. I deserve it. I messed up with her and wasn't as good to her as I should have been. I regret it."

I snap at him, "Yeah…well, you should regret it, Michi. Because you really screwed up. She's a great girl."

He grimaces and says, "Yeah…I know." Then he turns around like a dog with his tail between his legs.

I feel a little bad for being so blunt with him. He clearly cares about her. But it does make me angry that he didn't work harder to understand her anxiety. Akari says he tried but it just wasn't something he could understand. I don't know if I buy that. Although, I guess her mother has a similar problem.

...

Carsten, Ai, my mom and I are in the car and heading down the hill. My mom approved of the visit, and Akari seemed excited to see her friends. Especially because she still hasn't seen Carsten or Ai before Spring Vacation.

"You know Mrs. Nakai, your daughter was surprised that I've never been to your house."

My mom's eyes get wide, and she says, "That can't be true…can it?"

This makes me and Ai giggle because it's almost identical to my response. Some things are more important than genetics, I guess.

Carsten rolls his eyes, "It is true!"

My mom nods, "Okay then. I guess I just see you so much for physical therapy and hanging out with the girls on campus that I assumed it had happened." She smiles at him in the rearview mirror. "Well, I'm glad you're finally stopping by."

Carsten seems satisfied with this.

When we get to the house, Akari is up in the living room watching TV. She looks maybe a tiny bit better than she did yesterday, but it's hard to tell.

She's very excited when she sees Ai and Carsten, who both approach her. Normally she would get all bouncy, but she doesn't have it in her right now.

Before they can even ask her how she's doing, she asks, "Hey, how w-was your trip?"

Ai giggles as she brings her wheelchair to a stop, "It was good. But more importantly, how are you?"

Carsten sits down gently next to Akari and says, "Yeah, how do you feel?"

Akari sighs, "Crappy. Being exhausted and in pain is not f-fun. I got used to not having to deal with it, so it's kind of a shock."

Ai nods, "Yeah, I was hoping you'd never have to deal with it again."

Akari says, "Me too." Then she turns to me. "How was b-band, Kayoko?"

"It was good. There are a couple of first year French horns for you to meet."

"That's c-cool."

"Hey, Akari…did Michi text you today?"

Ai, who hasn't been paying much attention to the music conversation, suddenly checks back in when she hears Michi's name and says, "What does that asshole want?"

Akari laughs, "Yeah he texted, b-but I deleted it."

"Oh. Okay. He heard me tell my aunt about you and he was worried."

Akari sighs, "I know. That's what he s-said. Get well soon or whatever. M-maybe I shouldn't be so mean to him?"

I shrug, "It's up to you. But…I'm just saying he still cares about you. I don't think you two are right for each other for all the reasons we talked about, but I think maybe it would be nice of you to let him know how you're doing. That's all."

Ai scoffs, "You're too nice Kayoko. That guy can go to hell as far as I'm concerned."

"Yeah, maybe. But I think…if you saw how worried he was today, you'd probably be on my side, Ai."

Akari says, "He w-was really that worried?"

"Well, let me put it to you this way. He was worried enough to come and talk to me, someone who he knew wasn't going to be very nice to him, just to see how you were doing." I look at Ai, "And I definitely wasn't nice to him, you'll be happy to hear."

Ai gives me a thumbs up.

Akari sighs, "Fine. I g-guess I told him a lot about how hard my lupus was before. It makes sense he's w-worried. I'll text him back."

Ai says, "Fiiiine. But if he tries to get back with you, I'm gonna kill him."

Following our somewhat heated discussion, we notice that Carsten has gotten up and is looking at our family picture from a few years ago. Ai asks, "Hey, what are you doing over there?"

"Just looking at this picture. Is he really that hot?"

I glare at Ai, "You told your boyfriend you think my dad is hot?"

Ai giggles, "Why wouldn't I?" She rolls over to Carsten and says, "Yes, he's hot. What's the big deal? It makes sense doesn't it? After all you think her mom's ho-"

Carsten puts his hand over Ai's mouth to keep me from hearing, but he's too late.

I stand up and look at the three of them in succession with a similar look of disgust, "You people are sick. Every single one of you is into one of my parents. Do you think that's normal?"

Carsten looks embarrassed, but the two girls just giggle. I guess it makes sense. The girls don't have to face the object of their awkward affection. Meanwhile, Carsten sees my mom often for therapy and she's in the other room. He probably doesn't want her to know that he thinks she's attractive. The funny thing is my mom would mostly think it was cute. But I don't think Carsten can handle the embarrassment.

Akari says, "M-maybe not normal. But your parents are attractive. Are we just supposed to pretend they aren't?"

I roll my eyes, "Yes! You are supposed to pretend they aren't! Because they are your friend's parents!"

My outburst is enough to draw my mom's attention, and she comes out to the living room from her bedroom and asks, "What are you yelling about out here?"

I look at Carsten who has turned an even brighter shade of red. I guess I'll protect him.

I sigh, "Oh, nothing. Just Akari and Ai talking about how attractive dad is again."

Akari giggles, "Well…that and Carsten thinks you're c-cute, Emi."

I grimace. "Wow, Akari…I was trying to let Carsten escape here with some dignity."

Akari shrugs, "I'm sick. I can get away with it. He can't even get m-mad at me or he's being m-mean."

Carsten is a shade of red I didn't even know existed. He's been speechless ever since Ai revealed his secret. Now she's just giggling next to him.

My mom smiles at him, "Thank you Carsten. It's nice to know that such a young man finds me attractive." Then she immediately shifts gears and asks, "Would you and Ai like to stay for dinner?"

Carsten's redness is starting to fade. I think he realizes that my mom isn't going to make a big deal about this. He says something for the first time in a while, "Um…yes. If it isn't too much trouble, that would be nice."

She smiles, "Okay. I think we'll do take out, then. I'll get the menus."

She leaves to get the menus and Carsten glares at Akari and says, "Seriously?"

She laughs, "Oh come on. I knew she w-wouldn't make a big deal about it. I think you should be mad at Ai if you're mad at anybody. She's the one who b-blew your cover. I didn't even know you thought she was 'hot' until today.""

Carsten thinks for a second, shifts his glare to Ai, and says, "You did blow my cover, didn't you?"

Ai says, "I did. I'm sorry. It just came out. But Akari's right, Mrs. Nakai isn't offended, and it isn't going to affect anything, so let's just move past it."

He nods, "She was pretty cool about it, I guess."

I sigh, "My three best friends are all attracted to one of my parents. Great."

I sit down next to Akari and huff to let everyone know my displeasure.

She ignores the huff and says, "Hey, you wore your hair clip."

I laugh, "Yep, I did yesterday too. You must be feeling slightly better to notice."

"I like this one. Your hair looks really pretty." I feel her touch my hair lightly, "It's like…a really long ponytail?"

I nod, "'Low ponytail' is the technical term, apparently. There are like 20 things I can do with this clip according to the internet, which is cool. Thanks again for such a nice gift."

She smiles at me and says, "You're welcome. I'm excited to see all the things you try."

By now Carsten and Ai have joined us again on the couch. Carsten's face is almost the normal color again.

"Speaking of birthdays, do you want to do yours here?"

She smiles broadly and says, "Yeah, that would be nice."

Ai says, "Is there anyone you want us to invite? Other than present company?"

"I think my grandparents will want to come too."

Akari smiles at me. "Really?"

"Well, yeah. They adore you and think you're the best musician in the world on top of that. Thanks for that, by the way. I don't think they even remember I play the piano anymore."

Akari laughs and says, "I am sure they do. They'll get to s-see you perform this year too."

I scoff, "Are you trying to jinx me?"

Akari is about to head to school this morning for the first time in a week. The nurse was right, and her flare was short. It won't be too hard to get her back up to speed on everything. I'm happy she's feeling better. The way she looked when I found her at the beginning of her flare was heartbreaking. She still has a faded version of the rash on her face, but other than that she seems back to normal.

We're leaving my mom's a little early this morning so Akari can go to her room and change into her uniform before class.

We're about to head out the door when my mom looks closely at Akari and asks, "You're sure you're ready, Akari? It's no problem for you to stay here a little longer."

Akari nods, "I kn-know I still have my rash, but it makes it look worse than it is. I f-feel pretty good. Definitely good enough for s-school. My hips barely hurt and most importantly I'm not exhausted."

My mom smiles, "Okay. Just wanted to make sure. I'm glad you're doing better. Well then, let's get going girls."

Akari hugs my mom, "Thank you again for h-helping me, Emi."

My mom smiles and hugs her back, "No problem, sweetie. If this happens again you can always come stay here."

I say, "You guys are cute, but we need to hurry if Akari's going to her room first."

My mom sticks her tongue out at me. Then she releases Akari and we head out the door.

...

Later that day, when we go to band, everyone is very happy to see that Akari is back, especially the entire French horn section. I'm with her as we walk by them, and they each get up one at a time to welcome her back. Even the older students, who you would think might feel some hostility towards her since she's been first chair since the day she got to Yamaku, seem happy she's back. I guess with Hideki and some of the other third years leaving, she's the star of the band now. Akari smiles the whole time, which is nice to see.

When it's Michi's turn, he gives her a hug, and Akari returns it. They must have made up at least a little over text messages. I wonder whether he's the one who suggested they welcome her this way. If they had mobbed her to welcome her back it would not have gone as well. So whoever planned it clearly took her anxiety into account.

The last two students are more nervous, because they are first year students who have never met her before. They are looking at her like she's some sort of god. But the others in the section convince them to greet her too.

I depart to head towards the piano with a big smile on my face. It's nice for Akari to get such nice recognition and I could tell she really enjoyed it.

...

Later that night, Akari and I are in my room. I'm catching her up on the science she missed.

We just finished, and I'm happy, because I have a question that I'm itching to ask her.

"So, you and Michi seem like you are on better terms, what's going on there?"

She shrugs, "I don't know, exactly. He w-was really worried like you said, so I told him how I was doing and stuff. Then we started texting more."

I raise an eyebrow, "Isn't texting how things started last time?"

"Yeah. He apologized to me about the anxiety stuff, and that was n-nice. And he's being sweet to me. He hasn't s-said it, but I think he wants to get back with m-me."

I nod, "Yeah, when I talked to him when you were gone, he said he really regretted how he handled things. So, I think he wants to be with you too. Do you want to give him another chance?"

She sighs, "I don't know how I feel. It's hard to forget him g-getting upset with me in that karaoke booth. He made me f-feel so bad about my anxiety in front of a bunch of people who l-looked at me like I was a freak. And those people are his friends…who I would have to s-see more of if we got together again. So, that whole thing still kind of haunts me."

I nod, "Yeah. I can imagine having a hard time forgetting that."

"B-but does he deserve forgiveness?"

"I think you're the only one who can answer that, because you know how it made you feel. You also know better whether or not what he's done so far makes up for that."

"Yeah…I don't know. I guess if he asks to get back together, I will really think about whether I can forgive him."

"Yeah, that sounds reasonable."

She says, "How are you doing, by the way? I wasn't doing a great job of staying on top of that when I was s-sick."

"Well, that's understandable. I'm okay. By the way, did you delete all traces of Hideki from my phone?"

Her mischievous smile gives me all the answer I need.

"Well, thanks. There was a night when I broke and was going to text him and then I just…couldn't."

"I'm glad that worked. So, you still m-miss him?"

"I do. Yeah. I've been talking to my therapist about it. It has helped. But…I do still really long for him. I can be distracted from it for sure, but it's still there, in the pit of my stomach."

"But it is gradually getting better overall?"

"Yeah, it definitely is. As evidenced by the fact I'm not constantly sobbing, and you don't have to sleep with me."

She giggles, "That's true."

"Anyway, enough about me. Are you excited for your birthday?"

She nods, "Last year my birthday was hard. It was b-before I had any friends here. I…d-didn't do anything for it except talk to my parents on the phone. I was pretty depressed. I'm glad that's n-not how it is now."

"It hurts me a little to hear that's how it was last year. I was here and I could have been with you, but…we didn't know each other yet."

She laughs, "Well, other than r-running into each other, anyway."

It's Akari's birthday. My little friend group is at my mom's for the occasion and so are my grandparents. My mom made Akari her favorite meal, curry fried rice with tofu. She also picked up a strawberry cake from the Shanghai for her, which is her favorite dessert. It's me and my mom's favorite too, so we're pretty happy about it.

Now we're all about to give her presents. I hid mine in my mom's room, where hers is too and we're both in there to retrieve them. While we're alone in her room I take the opportunity to hug her.

She smiles up at me and says, "What's this for? Not that I mind."

"You're just…amazing to Akari, and it means a lot to me. This is probably the best birthday party she's ever had. I'm sure her parents did stuff for her, but it was always just them. And it isn't like either of them is exactly equipped to put together something as nice as this. So…thank you. I'm sure she'll tell you too, but I wanted to let you know on my own."

"Of course, dear. She feels like part of the family to me at this point. It's really nice having her around."

I nod and as I'm starting to get choked up, I say, "It is. For…all of us, I think."

"Okay sweetie, let go of me before you start crying and get me crying too. We have a birthday party to continue, so we probably don't want to come out of here all teary-eyed."

I laugh and let her go and we head back out to the dining room.

When we all sit back down Akari is smiling beautifully. I don't know if I've seen her smile more in a single day than I have today. I'm so happy she's enjoying having a day like this, especially after her flare.

She excitedly says, "So? Whose gift do I g-get to open first!" and it is adorable.

Ai wheels around the table and hands Akari a wrapped gift that is large and rectangular. It's wrapped in pink paper. The girl might be a little overly obsessed with pink, but it does make it easier to pick out wrapping paper for her. I take a quick look at the other gifts, and see they are all in pick paper too. Ai stays next to her as Akari eagerly opens her gift.

Once she's done, a manga box set is revealed. Akari looks at Ai and smiles and Ai says, "This is the one I was telling you about. I'm pretty sure it's the only romance manga you haven't read. Which is funny because it's the only one I have read. It's even about two musicians in high school, although they play guitar, but I bet you'll relate to them. Once you're done, we can finally talk about it!"

Akari hugs Ai and says "Thank you, I'm excited to r-read it. Thank you too, Carsten."

He smiles, "I've read it too, at first because Ai made me. But it's actually really good."

I say, "So I'll be the only one who hasn't read it, huh?"

Akari laughs and says, "You d-don't really read manga do you?"

I reply, "Nope! But maybe I'll have to start because I'm going to feel so left out."

My mom says, "I haven't read it either, dear. But I suppose that doesn't surprise anyone."

My grandpa quips, "We don't even know what manga is," prompting a laugh out of all of us.

My mom gives Akari her gift next. She hands her a wrapped box that looks an awful lot like what she got for me for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I bet she bought our presents at the same time because she had to go to the city and our birthdays are so close.

Akari eagerly opens the box and from her blush I can tell my mom got her the same sort of thing she got me.

I say, "Close your eyes, Carsten! You too grandpa."

They both look confused for a second but then they look at each other, shrug, and cover their eyes. Akari blushes deeply as she shows the women her spoils. They are two cute but definitely sexy push-up bras. Luckily, they aren't identical to the ones my mom got me, or that would be weird.

She smiles at my mom, "Th-thank you, Emi. I haven't tried these before. I've wanted to."

My mom smiles back, "You're welcome. I hope you enjoy them. I have gotten good use out of…" She looks towards Carsten and tries to think of a nondescript word to use "...that kind of thing, over the years."

My grandma adds, "They do look quite lovely."

Carsten still has his eyes covered, "This is kind of driving me crazy. Can I look yet?"

Akari says, "N-no!" then puts them away and says, "Okay, now you can both look."

Carsten and my grandpa open their eyes and still look confused, but they look at each other again and shrug it off when they don't really see anything to answer all the questions they probably have.

My grandma gets up and hands Akari their gift. It is a thin rectangular object. Akari smiles at her. "Thank you, Mrs. Nakai…you t-two didn't have to…"

My grandfather waves his hand dismissively at her and says, "Just open it."

Akari laughs and does what he told her to. It's a picture frame but we can't see what's inside it. She says, "Oh, thank you! This is r-really neat."

When she shows it to us, we see that it is antique sheet music of the solo she played at the concert.

"Wow, that is really neat!"

Ai says, "I see that it's music, but can someone explain?"

My mom indicates she'd like to know too.

Akari says, "It's old sheet m-music of the solo I played. It's from when it was first p-printed."

My mom smiles and looks at my grandparents and says, "That was very clever. How'd you come up with that?"

My grandma laughs and says, "We stole the idea from Saki. She got Chisato the same sort of thing once."

Akari smiles, "Thank you v-very much. I will put it up tonight."

I cringe a little imagining this beautifully framed sheet music being surrounded by the pink nightmare that is Akari's room. Then, I hand Akari my gift and smile at her, "Looks like I'm last."

She smiles at me and then eagerly opens her present. I hope I didn't screw up here, I did do something that's a little outside the box, at least for her.

When she finishes taking off the wrapping paper, she sees that it's in the same kind of box all her headbands come in and smiles at me before opening it. Inside, she finds a headband that isn't entirely pink. Instead, it's mostly pink, but it has a plaid pattern that also has some light blue and green pastels. Basically, it's all the different colors of cotton candy.

She smiles quickly when she sees it. She takes the one she's currently wearing off. It's an entirely pink knitted one with a knot on top. Then, she puts on her new one.

Then she hugs me and says, "Thank you, I really love it."

I smile at her, "I'm glad. I was a little worried that it wasn't pink enough."

She giggles as she adjusts her headband, "I think I should p-probably branch out a little bit, and it's still pretty pink anyway."

Ai says, "Yeah, and it matches your new bras too!"

This makes us all giggle as Carsten and my grandpa come to the realization of what they missed earlier. My grandpa chuckles, while Carsten turns red. Apparently now that Carsten does come here, he has to get embarrassed every time. Still, this is nowhere near as bad as the last time when I thought he might faint from embarrassment. It's funny that it was his girlfriend's fault both times.

Once we've all stopped giggling, my mom goes to the kitchen and brings us the cake before slicing it up for us.

The strawberry cake from the Shanghai is always amazing, and as a result, for a while we're all more occupied with eating it and enjoying it than speaking to another.

My grandma breaks the silence when she says, "Well, I'm afraid us old folks are getting tired. Happy birthday Akari."

Akari gets up and gives them both a brief hug. "Thank you both…it m-means a lot that you came and I love your gift."

My grandma smiles at her and says, "You're very welcome dear. Goodnight, everyone!" My grandparents leave and when Akari sits down and looks at her phone, I notice her eyes are fixed on it and she's lost in thought.

Then she says, "C-can we have an impromptu girls' night conversation?"

My mom, who has recently finished devouring her cake is roused from her sugar-induced stupor by the question. She raises her eyebrows and says, "It's your birthday, so if that's what you want to do, I don't see why not."

I look over at Akari, who is still staring at her phone.

I say, "Michi just said he wants to be your boyfriend again, didn't he?"

She nods.

Carsten starts to stand up and says, "Does this mean I need to leave?"

Akari laughs and says, "No, you can stay."

He sits down and chuckles, "I…don't know whether to be flattered or offended to be part of girls' night…but okay."

Ai crosses her arms and says, "I don't get it, Akari. What is there to think about? He's an asshole."

My mom gently says, "Let's see what Akari has to say before calling him names."

Then Akari begins, "Well, he apologized for what he did before…how he t-treated my anxiety. He told me he's read up on it a lot to try and understand me b-better. And there's s-some proof of that. When I got back from being sick, he organized a thing where the French horn section welcomed me back but did it in a way that d-didn't make me anxious."

That's enough for ME to think he deserves one more chance.

My mom says, "That does sound like he's made progress. What makes you hesitate to say yes?"

"Well…two things. First, he hurt my feelings badly enough that it is sort of etched in my mind. I…think about it every time I s-see him. If I can't s-stop doing that, it isn't going to work. Second, he said he understood in the past too, and then would still mess up. This time does seem a little different, like he's trying harder…b-but I still don't know if I can trust him."

Carsten says, "If you can't trust him, you can't be with him."

We all give him a bemused look and he says, "What? I thought I was part of this."

We all giggle and then my mom says, "I think Carsten is right. But you seem to think that maybe you could trust him."

Akari nods.

I say, "What if you just give him one more chance? He's already messed up several times. So, he doesn't deserve much more than that. But maybe he'll prove himself to you and you'll be able to trust him. It will also give you a chance to see if you can be with him without thinking about how he hurt you in the past. You can test the waters, I guess."

Ai scoffs and crosses her arms, "I still think he's an asshole. Once an asshole, always an asshole."

My mom says, "People can change, Ai. Often they don't, but they can."

Ai is less willing to scoff at my mom, but I'm not sure she buys what she had to say either. The girl bears grudges against people who wrong her friends. Normally that's an admirable quality, but she's a little too stubborn about it sometimes.

Akari says, "I think I like Kayoko's idea. K-kind of like probation. As soon as he messes up, he's gone. And we can always break up again if I can't quite get past how he hurt me. But…that was our only problem. Everything else between us was good. It was a big p-problem obviously, but if he worked on it…I think I owe it to both of us to at least try."

I smile at her, "I think it sounds good. It would be great if it works out this time."

My mom adds, "I think that's a good idea."

Akari says, "Is anyone opposed to it apart from Ai? What about you Carsten?"

"I think with the probation thing, it sounds worth a try."

Ai sighs and begrudgingly says, "I'm not opposed either I guess. I just don't like that he hurt you. But I guess if you think it's possible to forgive him, I can give it a try myself."

Akari smiles, "Thanks, Ai." She takes a deep breath and smiles. "Okay. I'm g-going to try again with him."

...

Later that night, when we are in the elevator on the way up to our dorm rooms after the party, Akari asks,

"Kayoko, are you going to be okay…if I have a boyfriend again?"

I laugh wryly, "You mean, will I become a mopey child like I did last time I was the only single one?"

She laughs, "I w-wouldn't say you were a 'mopey child,' but yes, y-you know what I'm talking about."

"I think I'll do better this time. I'm more mature now, right? If I do have problems, I will tell you about them. You do the same, okay? Last time you were with Michi neither of us did a great job of communicating."

Akari nods and says, "Yep, we will do better this time."

When we get to our floor, we see something pink in front of her door. As we get closer, it becomes clear that it is a bouquet of pink roses with a card. Akari's smile gets huge when we see it from down the hall, and it gets bigger the closer we get. I can't help but smile myself. Michi is really going all out and that's exactly what Akari deserves.

She bends down and picks up the flowers before smelling them and sighing happily. Then she opens the card.

She says, "It's m-my birthday present from Michi."

I feign a gasp and say, "What?! No way!?"

She giggles, and says, "Shut up." Before pausing to read the card.

She seems moved by what it says. "He wrote a r-really nice note. Do you want to see?"

I smile at her, "If you want me to. You can keep it private if you want. It might make it more special that way."

She thinks about it for a second and then holds it to her chest and says, "I think m-maybe I will do that."

I nod to her and give her a hug, careful not to damage her new flowers and I say, "Happy birthday, Akari. I'm glad you had a better one than last year."

Chapter Text

It's been about two weeks since Michi and Akari got back together, and so far, so good. She's really happy. He seems to have figured things out when it comes to her anxiety. The two of us are also doing a better job of staying in touch with each other. Something we have both not done a great job of when we were in a relationship in the past.

We're at lunch now, and I'm happy to say that I am handling being around the two couples much better this time than I did last time. I'm especially proud I'm being so mature because I still miss Hideki. The two couples are also doing a better job of making sure I don't feel isolated.

"Hey, Kayoko, your hair looks really cool today."

I laugh, "Thanks, Michi. I don't know if 'cool' is what I was going for, though."

He looks at Akari and whispers something to her and she nods.

"It looks really pretty, is what I mean."

I raise an eyebrow at him, "Did you just ask her for permission to call my hair pretty?"

He blushes a little and Akari giggles.

"I'm sorry Michi, I'm just teasing. That's cute you wanted to make sure it's okay. And I am glad you noticed my hair. It's a new clip style I haven't worn before."

"What is that one c-called?"

"It's called a 'French Twist' because I took my hair and twisted it around itself before pulling it up behind my head and clipping it in place like this. Well, that's the 'twist' part. Don't ask me where the 'French' comes in."

Akari giggles, "Which is your favorite so f-far?"

"I think the low ponytail. I'm thinking of making that one my usual look, actually."

Michi says, "That's the one from yesterday?"

I poke Michi playfully, "Not only have you not checked out of this mundane conversation about my hair, but you're also right that is what I wore yesterday. I'm impressed."

Akari giggles, "I like that one b-best too, I think."

Michi smiles and says, "I haven't seen as many as Akari, but that one was good."

I smile at him, "Thanks."

I don't know if he's trying extra hard to be friendlier with me because he's trying to impress Akari, or if Akari told him to be extra friendly, or if he's doing it for some other reason. But I appreciate it regardless.

"I'm going to head back a little earlier than usual, everyone, I need to stop by the library."

Everyone says their goodbyes and I trudge back to the classroom building.

Ever since the science club meeting on gene editing last year, I've been doing some extra reading on it in my own time. Since Akari has been busier with Michi back in the picture, I have really thrown myself into learning about it and it's been fun. I'm such a huge nerd.

Today, a book I requested on inter-library loan came in and I'm excited about it. Unfortunately, it's in English, but I think I've gotten good enough to make my way through. Carsten can help a little if I need it.

When I get to the library I go to the front desk. The usual person is there, a student who works here during lunch and after classes. I'm not sure how he manages to do it without being completely exhausted, but he really loves the library and I guess it is sort of like his club.

He is a third-year student named Koji. He's a little bit taller than me, he has pretty light blue eyes and light brown almost dirty blonde hair. He also has some significant facial scarring on his nose and cheeks. The first time I saw them they made me stare, but I've interacted with him enough that at this point they are just part of him like any of his other features. He usually wears a hoodie with the hood up. I'm unsure whether this is a fashion choice or an attempt to conceal his scars, or maybe a little of both.

"Hey, Koji. How are you today?"

He smiles, "Not bad, Kayoko. Here for another book?"

I giggle, "Well, yeah, Koji. This is a library. Or am I in the wrong place?"

He laughs, "Clever as always. Is it an ILL book?"

I nod and he bends down and starts looking through a cabinet before finding my book. "Here you go. English, huh?"

"Yeah. Actually, is there a Japanese-English dictionary you'd recommend?"

He chortles, "Yeah. The internet."

"Some librarian you are. " I poke him in the arm for emphasis. "Aren't you supposed to want me to use books?"

"Yeah, yeah. There actually is a really good dictionary for scientific terms that you will probably need."

He gestures for me to follow him and guides me over to the language section and pulls down a two-volume set. It's an dictionary for scientific and engineering terms.

I flip through it and find translations for lots of terms I know will be important, and then I say, "Oh yeah, this'll be great. Thanks."

"Yep. For the non-scientific terms, the internet really is pretty good."

I nod, "Okay, good to know."

He processes everything for me to take it back to my dorm room. As I'm leaving, he says, "Your hair looks really nice today, by the way."

I feel myself blush slightly before I say, "Hey, thanks. I'm trying something new. See you next time!"

On my way back to my classroom for the second half of classes, I realize that we were just flirting. I even felt a little attraction to him and I'm pretty sure it was mutual. It feels pretty good. I'm not sure it means anything serious, but I haven't felt anything like that in a while. I guess I'm doing a little better with the Hideki stuff.

"Well, I found myself flirting for the first time since the break up, and it felt pretty nice. I'm not about to get in a new relationship or anything, but just feeling…any of that sort of thing for someone else was refreshing."

I'm at therapy, talking about how I feel about Hideki stuff lately.

Mr. Tatsuzawa nods, "Yes, that's some good progress, I think. You still haven't felt any anger about anything?"

"Nope. No anger here."

He smiles, "Okay, then. I think you are doing well enough with your breakup that we can move on to discussing some of the other things we've talked about. How do you feel about talking about your father?"

"I think it's a good idea. Can I ask you something?"

"Please."

"Did you know him? My dad?"

"I didn't. I started here last year, around the same time as you."

"Okay, I was just curious."

"Why don't you tell me about him? What was he like as your father?"

I smile, "He was…the best. He was a very kind, very gentle, very patient man. I think that's how anyone you ask around here would describe him. And…as his daughter I got to experience all of that all the time." I'm starting to tear up a little so Mr. Tatsuzawa hands me a tissue box and I dab at my tears. "I…could always feel he loved me. Just from how he smiled at me and took care of me and spoke to me. Even just memories of those things makes me feel…warm and safe. He was smart and loved teaching me things. He and my mom were probably the most in love couple I've ever seen…and it was beautiful. I really want to emulate them in my relationships." I figured I've said enough so I dab a few more of my tears and wait for a response.

"He sounds like a wonderful father. Losing him must have been very hard."

I nod, "It was."

I've never told anyone this next part, only my aunt and my mom really know. But my therapist should probably know this too. I really trust him after his help these last few weeks.

"Um…I found him the morning he passed. And my mom was in a state of shock…so I was alone and didn't understand what was happening. I thought maybe she was hurt or something. I called the ambulance and everything. It was that morning, after they had taken him, and my mom was still completely…broken, that I first felt that things were really unfair." I dab a few more of my tears.

He nods, "Yes, I can understand that. That would make anyone feel that way. Do you feel any anger towards your mother for how it happened?"

"No. I…mean, I wish that I hadn't felt so alone and scared, but I know that she couldn't help it. I told her it was just like how I can't help my joints getting dislocated. It's just…her mind broke when she saw my dad had passed. She lost her own dad when she was young, and it was traumatic. So…it made sense that she had such a hard time with it. It stayed that way for about a week. I know she did everything she could to come back to me. And then she did."

Mr. Tatsuzawa nods approvingly at me and says, "Not many 15-year-olds would understand that."

I shrug, "I dunno. I…have a weird amount of experience with grief, maybe? My mom and dad both grieved the loss of someone they loved…for their entire lives. I remember it from a young age. Seeing them struggle. I think it helped me understand stuff…in a way."

He nods, "That is a plausible explanation. Do you have any interest in psychology?"

I laugh and say, "What?"

"I'm mostly kidding, but…you do a pretty good job of figuring things out for someone with no training."

I smile, "Thanks."

"So, tell me more about that feeling you mentioned. About the world being unfair."

"Well, I just think…it sucks that my dad died young when he was an amazing person who was very careful with his health. It doesn't feel fair. He deserved more. And sometimes it makes me feel like…things aren't worth it, if that's how the world works."

"You like science, don't you Kayoko?"

Did he just ignore what I said?

"Well…yeah…"

"Is science fair?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in the animal kingdom for example. Is there fairness?"

"Well…no. The fittest survive, that isn't the same thing as 'fair'…"

"What about out in space, stars forming and being destroyed, is there fairness?"

"No…it's chaos, really."

"Exactly."

"What? I don't understand."

"Fairness is a human concept, one that we can try to uphold with our cultures and institutions…but there are many forces outside of our control that don't pay it any heed."

"So…thinking of things as fair or unfair…is meaningless?"

"Well, I don't think I'd go that far. I merely want to say that thinking about the universe being 'fair' or 'unfair' isn't that useful of a concept, because those ideas only apply to things we can control. Unfortunately, for the most part…death isn't one of those."

I tightly squeeze the tissue I'm holding in my hand and grit my teeth. "So…should I just not care that my dad died!? Is that what you're saying?!"

"That's not what I'm saying. Of course you should. You should mourn him and miss him. Especially a father like the one you described. But, thinking of his passing as either fair or unfair…it doesn't really help you do any of that."

I unclench my fist.

"So…it's like I distract myself…when I think about that?"

"To some degree, yes. Unfortunately, in your life…you will encounter many more things that don't feel fair, but thinking about whether they were or weren't fair just isn't a helpful exercise for you mentally. In fact, thinking of things that way can be detrimental and can get in the way of you processing your grief. Things are as they are, and we have to cope."

"I guess that makes sense. You're good at using science to help me."

He laughs, "Thank you."

"Um… I'm…sorry I snapped at you. I'm pretty sure that's against therapy rules, or something."

He smiles, "I've heard far worse. I understand why you were angry in the moment. Now that we've talked about that, we can talk more about how you are trying to cope next time."

...

Later that evening I'm in my room trying to slog my way through the English book on genetic engineering I got today. I'm doing okay, but there are some sections I'm having trouble with.

The situation isn't helped by the fact that there is apparently a third volume for the scientific term dictionary I got from the library. I will have to go back tomorrow to get it. I don't hate the idea of getting my flirt on again a little, so it doesn't sound too much like a chore.

Speaking of which, I wonder if I should do my hair differently tomorrow to get him to comment on it or if I should do the same thing because he liked it. I may see what he says about the low pony. Just as I'm thinking about this and looking in the mirror, Akari knocks on the door.

"Come in, Akari."

She sees me in the mirror fiddling with my hair and asks, "What are you going with tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet, I was planning. How was your evening?"

She smiles, "It was good. We went for a nice walk and talked a lot." She sighs happily. "Things are going r-really well with him."

I smile at her, "I can see that, I'm really glad."

"I'm thinking maybe this 'French twist' should be my favorite. There was a guy who liked it."

"You mean Michi?"

I laugh, "No, I wouldn't count him."

"Who?"

"Koji, that library guy. We had kind of a flirty conversation today, actually."

"Oh yeah? Do you like him?"

"I don't think I'm in a place yet to 'like' a guy, but I didn't mind the attention from a cute guy."

Akari smiles, "So you think he's cute, d-do you?"

I smirk, "Yeah, I guess I do."

The next day, after spending some time with my friends at lunch, I make my way to the library to get the third volume for the science dictionary. I ended up going with the low ponytail today, I think it looks best. We'll see what happens.

When I get there, I see my friend is working the front desk again. I walk up and say, "Hey Koji, did you mean to stiff me on the third volume of that science dictionary?"

His eyes are fixed on the computer, and he's slow to reply. Eventually he says, "Um…Hang on just a second and I'll get it for you."

Well, so much for flirting today. He hasn't even looked at me.

I walk around the side to see what he's looking at so intensely.

"Is that…chess?"

He replies, "It is."

"Well…you definitely don't want to move your Rook there, you'll...oh, too late." The screen flashes, "Checkmate: You Lose."

He grimaces at the screen and then smiles at me, "You know chess huh?"

"I do. I don't play it that often these days, but I really love it."

"Why don't you play more?"

"None of my friends here play. I've tried to get them to but I can't get them into it. I basically only play when I go home. My mom and grandpa play."

He nods and gets up to head towards the reference book section, I follow him.

"Here's the one I forgot yesterday. Sorry about that."

We go back to the front desk, and he checks the book out to me.

"Okay, thanks."

"You're welcome. Hey, would you wanna play chess some time? Based on what just happened, you'll probably beat me. But I could use a chess partner too."

I nod, "Yeah that would be pretty cool actually."

"Okay, can I have your number? We can figure out where and when to meet."

Is he…hitting on me more openly or is this really just about chess? I don't know. I guess if a cute guy likes me and wants to text me or whatever, it doesn't mean I have to get with him any time soon. He's a nice guy, I like talking to him, and I do really need a chess buddy.

"Yeah, sure."

He smiles after I give it to him, "Great, thanks. I'll be in touch. Have a nice rest of your day. Oh, and your hair looks really nice again."

I feel myself blush a little, "Thank you. For the book and the compliment." I wink at him, and then in the flirtiest voice I can muster, I say, "Talk to you later."

It's the next day, and I'm on my way to meet with Koji in the girls' dorm common room for some chess. I am genuinely excited to play, and I'm not going to say no to a little flirting either.

When I get there, he is already waiting. He is wearing a hoodie of course. It does a pretty nice job of framing his pretty eyes. Maybe that's why he wears it?

I put the board down in front of him and greet him by saying, "Ready to get your butt kicked?"

He laughs, "That is what I'm expecting."

…

"Did you just beat me in 8 turns?"

"No."

"Oh, okay. 9 is a little better."

"It was 7."

He laughs, "Dang, couldn't have let me have 8 or 9 huh?"

I giggle and lean back in my seat, "There's only one empirical truth. I didn't want to deceive you."

"Well, a little deception might have helped my ego a little. How'd you get so good?"

"My dad taught me when I was 5. So, I've played a lot of chess. Clearly you haven't."

He laughs, "Damn. You aren't taking it easy on me at all. You're pretty cute when you're full of yourself."

I smirk, "Is that…a compliment and an insult? That's pretty impressive."

He shrugs, "I try. But you're right. I haven't played much chess. I only got interested in the last month or so. I learned it when I was young too, but me and the other kids played a lot more Go and Shogi."

"Other kids? Did you have a lot of siblings?"

The smile he's had on his face transforms into a frown. "Um…sort of." He gets out his phone and looks at it before saying, "Listen, I need to go."

"Okay. Do you want to meet to play chess regularly? You'll get better if you do."

His smile is back now, "Yeah, that could be fun. Text me and we'll set something up."

He leaves and I head back up to my dorm room.

While I'm riding the elevator, I can't help but think I upset him without even meaning to. I guess a lot of kids here have had a hard past. Obviously, that's going to be the case for someone with scars like his. I probably shouldn't have pried.

When I get back to my room, Akari opens her door and playfully says, "And how w-was chesssss."

I laugh. "It was good, weirdo. How was your evening?"

She smiles, "It was good." When I unlock my door, she follows me in and says, "Now tell me about chess."

"Not much to say. He isn't very good."

She raises an eyebrow, "Are we s-still talking about chess?"

I giggle, "Yes. What else would I be talking about?"

"I'm just teasing. I'm g-glad you have a cute b-boy to play with though."

"Yeah, me too."

For the last few weeks, I've been meeting with Koji a couple of days a week to play chess. We always have a fun and flirty time, and he's getting better at chess. He still hasn't beaten me, but I haven't been embarrassing him anymore either. I have avoided prying or touching on anything potentially personal.

"You win again, but I could see I made you sweat a little. You said your dad taught you, right? Is he better than you?"

I smile, "He was, yeah. I only beat him four times maybe." I fidget a little. "He passed away when I was 15. I might have been more of a challenge to him now."

"Oh, that's too bad."

I smile, "Yeah. I miss him. It's nice I have something like chess though." I laugh, "It's a little cliche but playing something he taught me makes me feel closer to him, in a way."

He nods, "I think that sounds nice. He would probably beat me in 3 moves, huh?"

I giggle, "Probably on day one, yeah. Now it would probably take 7."

He smiles, "Oh, so I've improved that much huh?"

"Yeah, you're actually improving pretty fast. You're playing a bunch of chess online too, aren't you?"

He grins, "Mayyybe. I'm just curious to see if you're as cute when you're losing."

"Yeah? I'm wondering whether you're as cute when you're winning, so fair enough."

His smile vanishes and it feels like the temperature in the room has gone down several degrees.

"Hey, it's getting late. I've gotta go. See you next time?"

"Yeah…okay."

What just happened?

It's been three months since Hideki left. I don't know whether it's because I've been spending time with a cute boy, or if it's just that enough time has passed, but I have finally fully accepted that we are over, and we will never be together again. Today I got clearance from my therapist and more importantly -- Akari -- to open up contact with him again. I added him on social media as a first step. Just passively seeing each other's lives is probably better than starting to talk with him.

Within minutes, he adds me back and I click on his profile. I'm excited to see what he's been up to.

…

I thought I could do this. But I…wasn't ready.

My blood starts to boil the minute I see his profile picture.

He has a girlfriend. We broke up three months ago, I'm barely over him now and he has a GIRLFRIEND! One he has been with for two months by the look of it. He moved on one month after he left. ONE MONTH!

I slam my phone on the ground and massage my temples.

What a fucking asshole. He never cared about me. How could he if he already moved on to some American girl? He used me. He just wanted someone to play with here before he left. He left me behind as an absolute wreck. I was longing for him while he was probably already checking out girls on the fucking airplane. I thought he might have loved me. But he didn't, did he? I want to punch him in his stupid face. Break his stupid hands so he can't touch his new girlfriend with them. Make it so he can never play piano again, and they kick him out of Juilliard.

I get into my bed and start crying what must be angry tears. They feel extra warm. I…I need help or I'm really going to go off the deep end. There's one person who I need.

I call Akari, and she answers.

"Hey, Kayoko"

I reply, "Can…you come to my room right now? I…really need you, if you're available."

"Wh-what's wrong?"

"I shouldn't have gotten back in touch with him. He's the worst fucking person on the planet."

"...oh. Okay. I will b-be there soon."

After about 10 minutes she arrives. She comes in and gets in the bed with me and takes my hand.

"Hey, Kayoko. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. What d-did he do?"

With hot tears streaming down my face I reply, "He. Got. A. New. Girlfriend. A MONTH AFTER WE BROKE UP."

Akari flinches significantly when I yell, almost falling off the bed. I notice for a second, but then more anger wells up inside of me and I really don't care.

She timidly says, "I'm s-sorry that he did that."

"The worst part is that it means none of what we had meant anything. I let him have some firsts with me…not the biggest one, but…I thought I would look back and be happy about having them with him. I…let him touch me in ways I would never have let just anyone...I did it because I thought he cared about me. But he never cared about me, did he? I wasn't special to him. He just wanted some practice before he went to the U.S. and got a girl he actually cares about. He's just like Hiroshi. Another guy I stupidly let take some of my firsts away from me who didn't deserve them."

Akari squeezes my hand and says "D-don't yell at me…p-please. But, I just don't think that's true, Kayoko. You're upset and you aren't thinking c-clearly."

Good thing she reminded me not to yell, because I want to scream in her face. What does she mean? The asshole has a new girlfriend. He couldn't have moved on that fast if he ever cared about me.

Instead of screaming, I calmly say, "Explain."

"I s-saw him with you, talked to him about you, saw how he looked at you, you told me a lot of things too that made me think, 'Wow, this guy really cares for her.' There's just no way he didn't, Kayoko."

"Really?! Then explain how he could already be fucking some American girl right now."

She squeezes my hand and starts to stroke my hair, "He moved on fast, I'll give you that. And it s-sucks. But it doesn't erase what you t-two had. I think what you two had was special. He isn't like Hiroshi. I think he was the right guy to be your first boyfriend. The right guy for those other f-firsts. I understand being hurt, and you have every r-right to be. But don't let it make you think that your relationship wasn't special, okay?"

She's just pissing me off even more. He was over me months ago. He used me. He didn't care about me. Why won't she just admit it? I'm so angry. At him. Now at Akari for trying to downplay things and telling me I'm being irrational. I shouldn't yell at her, but I need to yell at someone…I don't think I can hold it in anymore. I'm about to explode.

I get right in her face and bellow, "JUST GET AWAY FROM ME IF YOU'RE JUST GOING TO FEED ME THIS STUPID BULLSHIT!"

She lets go of my hand mid-bellow, gets up, and has some of her own angry tears now. She looks down on me and says, "Fine. G-glad I dropped everything to come help you. You don't want help. You just want to be mad. And that's fine. But don't call me and tell me you need me to help you if you're just going to yell at me when I try. M-maybe I won't bother picking up the phone next time."

She starts crying harder, leaves and slams the door behind her.

Well, I guess I found that missing anger phase. I'll have to let Mr. Tatsuzawa know.

I even made Akari angry. I shouldn't have yelled at her. But she was trying to calm me down with complete nonsense. I don't need that kind of help. She knows I'm right, and she'll feel bad about it later.

The next morning, I wake up with a headache and a terrible feeling in my stomach. After a few seconds, I remember what I said last night to Akari and I rub my eyes, as if I can somehow unsee her crying face.

Anger is a powerful thing. Last night I would have sworn I was in the right. Now, it's very clear that I wasn't anywhere close. She did her best to help me by being rational, and everything she had to say was probably right. I'm still hurt, and angry at Hideki, but not to the point of irrationality anymore, and it's taken a backseat to the feeling of contrition I'm experiencing. I took my anger out on my best friend. The person I feel closer to than anyone in the world. I hope I can fix this.

After getting ready I knock on her door and get no answer, so I say "Akari…if you're in there…I want to apologize…"

Still nothing. She may have already gone to class or stayed the night with Michi. As far as I know, she hasn't done that yet, but it could have happened last night. Especially if I really upset her.

She's not in class either, which elevates my level of concern significantly. I hope it's not something worse than her just being upset with me.

When we get out to the quad for lunch, I was really hoping to see her and Michi waiting. I was thinking, 'maybe they were up late making out and just decided to only go to lunch and afternoon classes.' But that was denial. They aren't here. As lunch progresses, I look around hopefully thinking I might see them, but I don't.

Ai and Carsten have kept their distance from me at lunch, I think they can see that I'm upset and are weary about approaching me. But when lunch is half over, Carsten asks me, "No Akari today, huh? Is she sick?"

I frown at him and all I can say is, "I really screwed up yesterday, you guys…." I can already feel myself getting choked up.

Ai rubs my back with her hand to try to soothe me. "Hey, it's okay, Kayoko. Do you want to tell us what happened?"

I nod. "I was having a hard night because I saw that Hideki has had a girlfriend for two months…"

Ai says, "WHAT?! Carsten, look up flights to New York, because I'm gonn-"

"It's okay, Ai…I don't even care anymore. The point is I was filled with rage about it, Akari came to help me and…" Tears start to fall down my cheeks and my voice cracks "...I was terrible to her. I screamed in her face…I told her to leave. She was really upset, and I didn't do anything to try to help or apologize…"

Carsten says, "And you think that's why she isn't around today?"

I nod, "I think the best-case scenario is she's so angry or upset with me she didn't want to see me today. The worst case is….I triggered a panic attack or even a lupus flare and she was physically unable to come to class today…I…I can't believe I did that to her…it is bad to treat anyone that way, but with her…it could really be bad…"

Ai squeezes my shoulder and says, "Okay…well, let's try to find her, okay?"

I nod, "I don't think I'm going to go to afternoon classes or band. I have to assume she's not either. I'm not going to be able to focus anyway. I need to find out just how much I screwed up and try to put things right, if she'll let me."

Carsten nods, "Okay, we'll give you our notes later. Good luck. Let us know how it goes."

I nod and head back to my dorm room to regroup.

I lay down on my bed and type out a text to Akari, "Hey, I really screwed up yesterday and I understand if you don't want to talk to me. But I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

God that sounds stupid. Of course she isn't okay. And it's your fault.

After she doesn't respond for a while, I text Michi to see what's going on, but he doesn't respond either. I wait a little while longer, and then head over to the boys dorm. I've met Akari at Michi's before, so I know where it is. When I get there, I knock on it. He opens it slightly and looks at me through the opening. He's angry.

"What are you doing here?"

I bow my head. "I…deserve that. I know I really screwed up. I just wanted to know how Akari is."

"Well…she's not good after how you treated her."

From further in the room, I hear Akari wearily say, "Is that her?"

He replies, "Yeah, it's her. What do you want me to do?"

Akari sighs and says, "Let her in."

Michi lets me in while glaring a hole through me. Akari is on the bed. She looks like she's never gotten out of it today. She's still in pajamas. She's been crying. A lot. Her eyes are red. There are tissues all around the bed. It would be hard to see her this way no matter what. But knowing that I did this to her physically makes my chest hurt.

I want to get in bed with her and snuggle with her. That's what we normally do when one of us is upset, but in this case it's my fault and I can't imagine she wants me to comfort her that way now.

I sit down in the desk chair and look down, cradling my head with my hands.

"…I understand, if you don't want to accept this, because I was the worst friend in the world yesterday. But I'm deeply sorry and should never have treated you that way."

Michi scoffs and I look up at him.

Akari looks at him for a moment and then says, "C-can you step out for a second?"

He looks kind of hurt but then nods and does what she asked.

Akari doesn't say anything for a few minutes. She must really want to make sure she says what she needs to. It feels like an eternity.

Then without looking at me, she quietly says, "You r-really hurt my feelings yesterday. I came here and cried...and that's pretty much all I've been doing." She starts to tear up, and I do too. "I care…so much about you, Kayoko…"

She trails off and cries a little before composing herself and continuing.

"I just know I would never treat you the way you treated me yesterday. I would n-never scream in your face and tell you to leave my side…No matter what. Certainly n-not when you were trying to help me. I never thought you would t-treat me that way either…so, it really hurt me that you d-did."

I am crying harder now but doing my best not to sob. I don't feel like I deserve much sympathy, so I'll save that for later. I really am awful. I already knew all this from looking at her. But hearing the words is so much worse.

With my arms wrapped around myself and hunched over in the chair I say, "I know…there's no excusing it…You're my best friend in the world. You've helped me through so much…I love you. It doesn't matter how upset I was…what I did was wrong. So…all I can say is that I am so sorry. Seeing that I hurt you like this…it's enough m-motivation for me to never do it again."

She looks at me for the first time since I've been here and says, "I love you too." Then she looks back down and says, "I think that's why I will b-be able to forgive you. But not today. It's t-too fresh. So, I need you to g-go now. Tell Michi he can come back in when you g-go out there."

"Okay. Th-thank you."

She rolls over and turns her back to me without responding.

When I go back into the hall Michi is leaning against the wall. He looks like he's about to lay into me, but before he can I say, "She said you should go back in. Thank you for taking care of her after…what I did."

I must look bad, because the anger in his face evaporates and he sighs before saying,

"You took care of her when I messed up. So, I guess we're even." Then, some of his anger reemerges when he says, "But…if you hurt her again…"

"You don't need to threaten me. I won't hurt her again. I can't after s-seeing what I did."

He nods and goes back to his dorm, and I make my way back to mine.

It's only about 3, but I think I'm just going to sleep until morning. If I stay awake, I have to think about how much I hurt Akari, and I think I've had enough of that for now.

…

I'm awoken by loud knocking on my door. It looks like it's 7:30. I sit up in bed and say, "Who is it?"

"It's Ai, are you okay?"

I get up and open the door and say, "I'm okay."

She looks up at me for a moment and then says, "You don't look okay…and you weren't responding to texts. What happened with Akari?"

"She's okay. Just…really hurt. I found her and apologized. She said she could forgive me, but she wasn't ready yet. So, I came back here and went to sleep."

Ai frowns, "Okay. Do you still need to talk about Hideki? Or Akari? I know I'm not her…but I'm here if you need me."

I nod and sit down on the bed and Ai comes in and closes the door.

"The funny thing about this is that it really put the Hideki thing in perspective. Yesterday, it felt like the fact that he has a girlfriend was the most important thing in the world. The biggest betrayal in the world."

Ai says, "But you don't feel like that now?"

I shake my head. "Nope. After seeing how upset she was today…I think what I did to Akari is a lot worse."

Ai frowns, but then nods.

"So, in a funny way, Akari did end up helping me with that situation. She put things into perspective for me. It's a shame that I had to treat her like garbage to get that perspective though."

Ai hugs me and I hug her back.

"I'm sorry. But I think everything will be okay between you two in the end. You two really care about each other. I think forgiving someone is part of that."

"Yeah. Funny thing is, I think Akari will probably forgive me before I fully forgive myself."

Ai leans back and smiles at me and says "Probably. Do you need me to get in bed with you? I know that's what you two do when one of you is upset."

I look at Ai with my eyebrows raised. "Akari told you huh? No, that's okay. Your boyfriend would really miss you. He can barely handle it when we go to my mom's for the night."

Ai giggles and in a silly but seductive voice says, "Well, what about all three of us, then?"

I laugh, "Do you really think Carsten is capable of sharing you?"

"Probably not. There isn't that much of me to go around, anyway."

I laugh, "I guess that's true. Hey, thanks for coming to check on me, Ai. Your silly threesome talk has definitely cheered me up."

"Good. You should probably get some food. You haven't eaten all day, have you?"

I guess she's right. I never felt like eating. I didn't have breakfast or dinner, and I only picked at my lunch.

I sigh, "Yeah, you're right. Have you two eaten?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'd go with you, but as you pointed out I have a very needy boyfriend waiting for me."

She turns around and I open the door for her and she leaves.

I guess I'll go to the cafeteria before it closes.

...

I barely get to the cafeteria in time, and there's no fresh food left. Just baked goods and the like. Luckily, I could happily subsist on melon bread alone. I grab a couple, intending to take them back to the dorm with me since I look like such a mess right now. But then I see a friendly face.

I walk up to him and sit down in front of him, "I wasn't sure you existed outside of the library or the dorm common room. I'm happy to see I was wrong."

Koji laughs and says, "I could say the same about you." Then he really looks at me and says, "Hey…are you okay? You look kinda…"

He trails off.

"Go ahead. Finish, I'll wait."

He waves me off with his hand.

"You were probably going to say 'rough' and you'd be right. I just took a long nap in my clothes and didn't do much to make myself look better before coming here."

He picks at his food. "Anything you want to talk about?"

I sigh, "I really screwed up yesterday and hurt my best friend's feelings. So just…coping with that fact, is why I look like this."

He smiles, "Well, you still look better than most girls when they try really hard, so at least there's that."

"Yeah? So how do I look when I do try?"

He looks down and blushes a little. "Amazing."

"Thanks. You're pretty cute yourself."

He looks up at me and makes a face like I just slapped him. Then he stands up and walks towards the tray return. With his back turned towards me he says, "I…have to go." Then he leaves. I stay behind dumbfounded.

...

Shortly after I got back to my dorm from dinner, my phone rings. It's my mom. She's up late for her. After exchanging the usual greetings, she says,

"Tell me if I'm being crazy."

"Okay. You're being crazy."

She scoffs, "Very funny. Anyway, my feelings are kind of hurt."

"Because I called you crazy?"

"Stop it! No. Because I haven't met Michi."

"Oh. Yeah, I guess I can see why you would feel that way."

"It's not a little crazy for me to want to meet my daughter's friend's boyfriend?"

I laugh, "Come on mom, we both know Akari is more than just my friend to you at this point. Heck, she's more than just my friend to me. Didn't you two recently proclaim your love for one another?"

"Yes, that's true. She does feel like family, doesn't she?"

"Yep."

"And you introduce your boyfriend to your family if you've been with him a few months, right?"

I laugh, "Yep. I'll see what I can find out on that front. It…um, might be a little bit."

I sit down on my bed and tell her everything that happened with Akari.

"Well, I'm glad you two will be okay. It sounds like you don't need any scolding from me based on how you feel. The important thing is: Make her bring Michi down here once you two are back to normal."

"Really? That's the important thing?"

Chapter Text

I'm sitting at my desk doing some homework, but I'm not very focused. It's been a week since I apologized to Akari. She and Michi have returned to lunch, and I see her in class. But we still haven't spent any time alone together. I really miss her and I'm hoping she can forgive me soon, even if I sort of feel like I don't deserve it. Just as I'm having this very thought, I hear her knock on the door. I must be a witch or something. I can't help but smile broadly when I say, "Come in, Akari."

She comes into my room with a somber look on her face, and my smile evaporates. My immediate thought is that she is still upset with me, and we need to clear the air some more. That's certainly fair.

"Hey. Are you okay? Do we need to talk some more about us?"

She shakes her head, "We are good again. Will you hug me p-please? I need a Kayoko hug. I missed them."

I find myself smiling wide. "Well, yeah, of course." I get up and hug my friend as she requested. I missed hugging her.

"Everything okay? You seem upset. And if it's not about me…"

"It's Michi."

"Oh, did he go back to getting frustrated with your anxiety?"

She shakes her head, "No, he's been r-really great with that…"

"So…something else?"

"Yeah. He um…he told me he loved me."

"That's a bad thing?"

She shrugs, "M-maybe. I didn't say it back. And it really hurt his f-feelings. I feel really bad. He's been so good to me…should I have just said it?"

"Not if you don't feel that way."

"B-but…it feels like…I owe it to him. He's worked so hard to be a better boyfriend this time, and he's b-been so good…"

"I know he has. But telling someone you love them because you feel like you owe it to them probably isn't the best reason."

She sighs, "You're right."

"Can I ask…why you don't feel like you love him? You like him and you've been with him for a few months. What makes you hesitate to say you feel 'love'"?

"I d-don't know…I like him, I think. B-but…it doesn't feel as deep as when I've loved someone. I don't feel…connected to him enough, to say it."

"Didn't he help you when I messed up last week?"

She frowns and breaks the hug before sitting on the bed. I sit down next to her. "Kind of. That's…kind of when I started to realize maybe things aren't how they should be between us. I…had a hard time feeling comforted by him."

"I guess maybe it's hard to have an answer for this, because maybe you can't explain it…but why do you think he couldn't comfort you?"

She taps her index finger on her chin as she thinks for a moment.

"It's the other half of the p-probation."

"Uh…what?"

"Well, part of us g-getting back together was to see if he could understand my anxiety better this time…and he did. But the other part…" She trails off, and I remember what she's talking about.

"...was if you could get past how he hurt you before."

She nods, "While I've…mostly been able to forget it, the times where he got frustrated with me have made it hard for me to feel completely…connected to him. I guess…in the back of my mind, I still d-don't fully trust him enough. At least...that's my g-guess, for why I don't feel...how I should." 

I put my hand on her shoulder, "There isn't a way you should feel. You just feel how you feel."

She hugs herself and looks at me with sad eyes. "I...have to b-breakup with him, don't I?"

"Well…maybe, but you should talk to him. Maybe he's okay with you not being ready to say it just yet. Do you think it's impossible for you to ever love him?"

She shrugs and sighs, "I d-don't know. I guess impossible is a strong word…but I feel…fairly certain that I just can't love him."

I put my arm around her and she leans into my shoulder, "Well…it sounds like you may need to break up then. Even if he were okay with you not being ready to say it right now…he is going to expect you to be able to say it some day. But either way, you should talk to him."

She nods and then tears up, "I will. He d-deserves that, for sure. I…really hate this. Maybe I d-don't love him…but I do care about him. If he's in love with me, this is really going to hurt him."

"Yeah…that stinks. But…he'll be okay in the long run, speaking as someone who has been heartbroken before."

She nods and exhales, "Enough about that for now. Let's talk about something happier. How is chess?"

I laugh, "It's good. He's gotten a lot better."

She raises her eyebrow and I laugh and say, "Yes, I'm just talking about chess. Given what happened last week I think it is pretty clear I'm not ready for more than chess."

She nods, "Is he still f-flirty with you?"

"For sure. He…doesn't seem to like it when I flirt back though."

"What do you m-mean?"

"If he tells me I'm pretty and I fire back by saying he's cute, he acts like I insulted him."

"That is w-weird. But hey, how about I take this boy problem of yours and you go break up with Michi for me."

I laugh, "Doesn't seem like a fair trade. I will help you however I can with that, though."

She nods and hugs me. "I'm sure I'll be needing you."

"Well, it took you what - 15 moves to beat me this time?"

I laugh, "Yep. See, I said you'd get better."

Koji leans back in his chair and shakes his head, "Damn. Maybe we should be playing one of the games I'm better at too."

I giggle, "We could do that. It would only be fair."

He smiles, "You have a really cute giggle."

I give him an over-the-top giggle in response, and say "You have a really cute smile."

His smile fades again and he looks uncomfortable.

"Okay, I have to ask, why do you hate it when I compliment you?"

He looks like he wants to run away. But he stays in place and wrings his hands.

"I'm sorry…if it's too personal…

He sighs and quietly says, "I just don't believe you."

"Don't believe I would dare ask something so personal?"

"No. I don't believe that you think I'm cute."

"What? Why?"

He pulls his hood forward as far as it will go.

"Your scars don't mean you aren't cute, Koji. You definitely are."

He glares at me, and his voice gets sharp. "Yeah? Then why wasn't I ever adopted? Why have I been bullied my entire life? Why did a girl at my old school pretend she liked me as a practical joke? Those things…they don't happen to the cute guys, Kayoko. I could…maybe believe that you like me because of my personality…but don't tell me I'm cute. I'm not."

Well…that explains a lot. Of course, I have a lot of questions, but this doesn't seem like the time. I should just address this main issue.

"I'm sorry those horrible things happened to you…I didn't know any of it, obviously. I can see why you would think you aren't cute after all that. But they don't change the fact that I think you're cute. I mean, it's like half the reason I'm playing chess with you so much."

Once again, he looks like I insulted him. "I'm sorry, I don't believe you. I'm…going to go. I think we might be done here if you're going to keep doing this." He stands up and heads for the exit.

I frown, "Koji…will you let me prove it to you?"

He sighs and turns around, "How?"

This could end up going really badly. But it's worth a shot. I want to help him if I can. It's a little awkward we are in a public place, but there isn't anyone around right now.

I walk up to him and put my hand on either side of his face, holding his hood. I start to pull it down. He looks like he wants to stop me at first, and even moves his arm like he's going to, but he decides not to. He's trembling slightly.

I smile at him before kissing him on each of his scarred cheeks. He flinches a little. Then I give him a kiss on the lips. He's tense at first, but then hugs me and I hug him back. I break the kiss after a few seconds.

When I do, he looks shocked, but also happy. "See? I think you're cute. I don't do that with guys who aren't."

He smiles at me and then comes in for a kiss of his own. It feels really nice, but I break it after a few seconds because I definitely need to tell him something before he gets the wrong idea. "I should tell you…I went through a hard break up and am not in a good place to be in a relationship right now. I wanted to do this to prove that you're cute, though."

He looks a little disappointed for a moment and then releases me from his arms.

"Okay. Well…I suppose I believe you. Um…any idea when…you might be interested in a relationship?"

I can't help but giggle. "Was that a confession?"

He sighs, "Yes. I've had a crush on you…since I met you, pretty much. The only reason I didn't confess earlier is because I didn't think you would like me the same way. But now, I know that's not exactly true. So, I'd like to be together."

I frown. "I'm sorry. I don't know when I will be ready. Remember how I upset my friend recently? It all happened because I found out my ex had a girlfriend, and I was in a horrible mood about it."

"I…see."

"Yeah. But…once I am ready, I will consider your confession. Just…don't wait or anything. I don't know how long it will be."

He nods, "Okay. We can still be friends in the meantime?"

I smile at him, "Yeah. I'd like that. And…hey if you ever need to talk about some of that stuff you mentioned earlier… I would listen."

He doesn't really respond to my offer to listen. After that he hugs me again and we part for the evening.

I'm in my room doing some extra reading on gene editing. This topic is really consuming my free time. As much as I love music, this feels different. I think because it's so personal for me. Imagining that I could be a scientist some day who helps find a way to get rid of genetic conditions…like my dad's type of Arrhythmia, my EDS, Akari's lupus, or Hideki's COPD…I'm not sure there's anything else that would motivate me the same way.

Akari is breaking up with Michi today, I'm a little antsy to see how that goes. She's going to drop by here when it's done.

I can't help but think about kissing Koji yesterday. It was really nice. I think based on what he said to me, it must have been his first kiss. It was surprisingly good, especially for a novice. But…I hope he doesn't feel like I took that first from him.

Just as I'm thinking about that situation Akari knocks on my door and my teary-eyed best friend enters the room.

I get up and hug her. "How did it go?"

"N-not good. He was really cruel to me…I know he was hurt, b-but…"

"What did he do?"

She sits down on the bed. I sit down next to her.

"He s-said he wasted his t-time on me. Which if he had s-stopped there, might not have been too bad. I…k-kind of did. But then he m-mentioned that he c-can't believe I didn't have sex with him, or d-do other sexual things for him more often. Which makes it s-sound like the only reason he was nice to me is because he w-wanted to sleep with me…"

"What an asshole. Well…at least you know you made the right decision now."

She nods, "Yeah. I'm…p-pretty sure he's going to apologize when he calms down, and he w-was lashing out because he is hurting. But it makes me feel a lot less b-bad for hurting him."

"Do you wanna go to my mom's or anything?"

She sighs, "I don't think so. I have a lot of homework and I am honestly n-not that upset about the actual break up…just, what he said."

"Yeah, you seem pretty calm all things considered."

She nods. "Can I get my homework and come do it in here?"

"Of course."

After we work quietly for a while she asks, "Any updates about chess?"

I laugh, "We kissed."

She raises an eyebrow, "Is that a chess t-term?"

I giggle, "No. We kissed, then I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship, then he confessed."

Akari blinks a few times as she seems to be processing my words. "That's…a weird order to do things in. Are you sure you said that r-right?"

I laugh, "I did."

I explain to her how I kissed him because he didn't believe he was cute and how I promised to consider his confession seriously in the future.

She smiles, "I guess the order makes m-more sense now. Do you think you m-might end up with him?"

I shrug, "Maybe. Our kisses were nice. But it's so hard to tell what I'm feeling right now. I'm a little worried that I'm still on the rebound."

Akari nods, "That makes sense. T-taking it slow and cautious is probably a good idea."

Koji and I just finished playing chess. I won again, but he continues to improve.

"So, I know you're not ready for a relationship now, but I'd like to propose something."

"Um…okay."

"What if we just…kissed some more? It doesn't have to mean anything. I…kind of haven't been able to stop thinking about kissing you the other day. We don't have to do anything other than kiss."

That does sound…appealing. I've had our kiss on my mind more than I care to admit.

"I'm not sure it's a good idea. I don't want to lead you on, or anything. I'm worried you'd get more attached to me and then get hurt. It would feel…like I'm using you, or something."

He scoffs, "I'm the one who suggested it though. Doesn't that mean you can't be using me?"

The man does have a point…plus I can keep helping him feel better about himself. Is there any downside here?

"Okay…if we're going to do this…"

He gives me a big smile and says, "So we're going to do it?"

"Don't get too excited yet, I have a big if. If we're going to do this, there need to be some serious ground rules to keep things from escalating."

He nods.

"Only kissing. No tongue. Hugging each other while we kiss is as far as we go in terms of touching. And…I think we should always be standing. If any of these rules get broken, we're not doing it anymore."

He nods, "Okay. I understand." He smiles, "Can we…kiss now?"

I giggle. "You're eager, aren't you?

He laughs, "A little bit."

"We should probably go somewhere…a little more private if we're going to." There aren't a whole lot of people here, but people regularly walk by this common room.

"We could go to my room."

I laugh, "That's probably a good additional ground rule. We don't kiss in each other's rooms."

He nods, "Yeah…good point. We…could go to the library. I have a key after all."

"Won't you get in trouble?"

"Nah. I go there after hours all the time, no one would suspect anything."

I smile, "Well, that sounds like a good option then."

As we head over to the library, he has a goofy smile on his face the entire time. I like the fact that he's so excited to kiss me. I'm excited too.

Once we get to the library we go to a back corner and then turn off the lights so no one can possibly see us through a window. Then, with my back against the wall, I gently pull him towards me. I kiss him on each of his cheeks again, before kissing him on the lips. I hope if I keep doing this, he'll really understand that his scars aren't the repulsive thing he thinks they are. In his mind, they must be far worse than they actually are. He's pressing a little more firmly this time, which I don't mind. I put my arms around him, placing my hands on his back, and I move away from the wall a little so he can do the same. I hug him a little more firmly, because feeling him against me is nice. I find myself wanting to break some of our ground rules and almost slip my tongue into his mouth numerous times, but I'm able to control myself. So is he.

We gently kiss each other for what must be 10 minutes. We stop when I break the kiss. He's disappointed.

"It's getting late. We should probably go back to our rooms."

He says, "Y-Yeah…probably. That was…nice."

I giggle, "I agree."

As we're heading back to the dorms, he asks, "Will this just be part of our chess nights now?"

I laugh, "Only if you beat me."

He smirks, "So that's a 'no,' then?"

"Maybe. We'll have to see."

He smiles, "Okay. Well..see you later."

As I head back to my dorm and the tingly feeling on my lips fades, I start to feel bad. Really bad. He really likes me, I think. Even if it was his idea for us to do this no strings kissing, I'm really worried he's going to get hurt. But it's also really nice to kiss a cute, sweet guy who is this into me.

When I get back to my room Akari opens her door and smiles mischievously. "You were out p-playing chess later than n-normal."

I sigh and invite her into my room.

I sit down on my bed and cradle my head in my hands. "I have a romance dilemma. I was going to see if Ai is available too."

I call Ai and she makes her way down to my room. They are seated while I stand in front of them and explain the situation. Now I'm summing things up.

"So, basically, we're kissing, with very strict boundaries. I think it's…kind of good for both of our mental health right now. But I also know he really likes me…so I think maybe we shouldn't?"

Akari's arms are crossed, and she's scowling at me. Ai looks more neutral, she speaks first.

"So…basically, you're friends with benefits?"

"Are we? It makes me uneasy to hear it called that."

Akari responds, "Well…that's wh-what it is, Kayoko. So, if it m-makes you uneasy, there's y-your answer."

I frown at Akari, "Are you mad at me?"

"A little. I thought you were m-more of a romantic than this."

I look down at my feet, "Yeah…I guess I did too. But it's complicated, okay! There are ground rules. It isn't like I'm just using him…is it?"

Akari scoffs, "Sounds like it to m-me.".

Ai says, "Well…hold on, Akari. This guy is clearly getting a much-needed confidence boost out of it. So at least he's…kind of using her too?"

I nod at Ai in thanks, and Akari says, "I guess maybe it's okay right now. B-but what happens later?"

"Huh?"

"He's g-going to fall in love with you, Kayoko. He already has feelings for you. So, if you hang out and k-kiss twice a week for long enough, that's what will happen. Then what will you do?"

I sigh and sit down on the chair. "Either we end up together or he gets really hurt and…I definitely can't guarantee we end up together. Man, I suck. It just…sounded so nice."

Akari comes and stands next to me and puts her hand on my back to comfort me. "You don't suck. You're just hurting still and this w-was a nice escape. I think it's okay if you two still hang out…b-but the kissing will complicate things."

Ai says, "Yeah…I guess Akari is right. Sorry, Kayoko."

"Now I have to figure out how to tell him we aren't…kiss buddies or whatever."

The two of them both leave for the evening.

After Ai and Akari leave, I get a text from Koji.

"Hey. Kissing you is amazing but…a little too amazing. It's messing with my head. We probably shouldn't anymore."

Well, that makes it easier.

Chapter Text

The Yamaku festival is a week away and I am in way over my head.

I was chosen as class rep earlier this year. I think Ms. Hamada rigged the election to get revenge on me for not joining science club or something. This means, among other things, I'm in charge of making sure our class booth gets made and that people are assigned to work at it.

As usual, the band is also performing at the festival this year, so my attention is divided. Luckily, my mom and my friends are a big help.

Right now my mom, Ai, Akari, Carsten and I are staying late to put our booth together out on the quad. It's a little early to be doing it, but Akari and I won't have much time this week because of band practice. We have a food booth this year, I decided that was less of a headache than a game.

Ai and I are painting signs while the others are putting the booth together. It's hot, especially for the three doing serious manual labor. I take a break from painting to look at their work.

"This looks good, you guys. Do you want me to go get you some drinks? You all look pretty thirsty."

My mom nods, "I'll come with you. What does everyone want?"

Everyone wants water. That makes sense in this heat.

We walk off to find a vending machine.

"How are you holding up with all this, sweetie?"

"I'm okay. I think I managed the time well, and all of you helping is really nice."

My mom laughs, "This is more help with a booth than I ever gave anyone when I was a student here."

"That…doesn't surprise me."

She sticks her tongue out at me. "I'll have you know I helped Rin with a mural once. But that's not a booth."

I laugh, "Okay, that's more than I would have guessed."

My mom lets out a bittersweet sigh, "Your father always loved the festival."

I smile at her, "I know. I have some good memories of coming here."

"Me too." She smiles. "The festival his first year after he came back here was a big day for us. So, it's an important day for me."

"What do you mean? You weren't together yet right?"

We stop at a vending machine for the drinks and head back towards everyone else.

"No, not together. We had already been friends for a few months, but we hadn't gotten especially personal. We were both avoiding talking about what we were struggling so hard with. It changed because of the festival. The band invited him to come to their performance of Saki's songs – kind of like the one you are doing this year." She frowns a little. "And…that was the first time your dad showed me how much he was still hurting."

"He didn't handle it well, huh?"

"Well, he did in the end. But…he had a pretty big breakdown and I helped him through it. It convinced me to tell him about my pain about my dad. I did it the day of the festival and I had a breakdown of my own when I did. We became best friends that day."

"That's nice. How did I not know that story? I just knew…in general terms, you bonded over those things."

She laughs wryly, "It involves both of your parents having an emotional breakdown. You were too young to hear about that until now."

I laugh, "I guess so."

"He and Saki became friends at a festival when they were students." She nudges me softly, "So if you spend the day with someone at the festival this year…who knows?" She winks at me.

I roll my eyes as we get back to my friends hard at work. We distribute the water to them, and we take a little break.

Carsten says, "The booth is looking pretty good, right?"

I nod, "It is. Whatever we don't get done today, the rest of the class can do, so don't kill yourselves too much. Especially because you and Ai are working the booth too."

Of course, so are Akari and I, but that was to be expected. These two don't do a whole lot more than go to class. They aren't even in any clubs.

Ai laughs, "I wouldn't be doing it for anyone but you, I hope you know."

"Oh, I know. You aren't exactly filled with school spirit. That makes it extra nice that you're helping."

She takes my hand and smiles up at me, "I just want you to know the kind of pain I'm willing to endure for you."

Akari laughs, "You m-make it sound like you're a martyr."

She giggles. "Aren't I?"

Carsten laughs, "It won't be that bad. You get to spend the day with your handsome boyfriend after all."

She smiles at him, "That's true."

They have been together more than a year now, but still really adore each other like a new couple. It's adorable.

After our break we work for about an hour before calling it a day. Akari and I are heading back to the dorms, and I'm lost in thought about all the festival stuff.

The booth is almost entirely constructed, and we completed about 80 percent of the painting too. I will have to make sure the rest gets done throughout the week, and I need to make sure we have people assigned to work it for the whole festival. And I have to make sure things get delivered. Okay, I still have a lot to do. Crap.

Akari notices my stressed face in the elevator and gives me a little hug. "I know it's a lot, but we'll get it d-done."

I smile down at her. "Yeah, you're right."

We walk down the hall and go in my room. I sit down on the bed and Akari sits down next to me and looks at my face.

"You still look really stressed."

"Yeah, well, not sure what I can do about that."

"Can I help?"

"You do help. A lot. But you aren't going to take all the stress away."

She thinks for a moment. "I could…give you a m-massage or something."

I turn and smile at her. "Well, I won't say no to that. But be careful, if you do it once I might expect it more."

She laughs, "We'll see. I'd have t-to be good at it."

She starts to move behind me and puts her hands on my shoulders and then takes them off. "Um…d-do I need to be careful about anything?"

"You should be okay. You won't be pulling or using enough force to cause any problems."

She puts her hands back on my shoulders and squeezes them in the middle. Her hands are small but surprisingly strong. Maybe from all that French horn? I can feel her fingers loosening up my neck and shoulder muscles.

"That feels…really nice."

"Good. You are v-very tense."

"Yes, but…this is helping."

She spends significant time on my neck and shoulders, and I already feel much more relaxed.

"D-do you want me to do your back too?"

"If it's going to feel as good as that did, yes please."

She giggles. "If you lay on your stomach, I can do that better."

I nod and lay down how she asks. She starts moving her fingers up and down my spine, pressing firmly. This feels so nice.

"You're amazing at this."

She laughs, "I'm g-glad. I don't have much experience."

"Good…instincts then."

She's relaxing me so much. I'm so comfortable. My body is becoming like jelly….

My alarm goes off. I wake up in a strange position. I never sleep on my stomach. Or in my uniform.

I roll over and the relaxed feeling in my neck and back remind me that Akari was giving me a nice massage. I guess I got so relaxed I fell asleep. That's more than a little embarrassing.

I will have to return the favor sometime. Of course, it is hard for me to give a great massage with how cautious I need to be with my fingers and wrists, but I'll do my best. Maybe I should use some sort of tool.

I really need to take a shower after getting sweaty during festival preparations and then falling asleep in my sweaty clothing. Hopefully Akari is still here so I can.

I go and knock on her door. She opens it with a smirk on her face. It makes me blush a little. I can't believe I fell asleep.

I scratch the back of my head and give her a bashful look. "So…guess I fell asleep mid-massage, huh?"

She giggles, "That m-means you were relaxed so that's okay."

"Yeah…thanks a lot. I need to take a shower, will you be here?"

She nods and I go about very carefully taking a shower. I haven't fallen in here since my first morning here, and I don't plan on changing that now. Especially with everything on my plate right now.

As I take a shower, I think about my best friend. She's the only reason I didn't have a panic attack my first morning here. She's the only reason I was able to handle breaking up with Hideki as well as I did. And now she gave me an amazing massage during a very stressful week. I do things for her too, though it does feel like lately she's done more for me than I've done for her. We really love each other, as we've recently begun to say. It's a nice feeling.

After my shower, I get ready for the day and me and Akari set out for our classroom.

When we get there, Ms. Hamada gives me permission to address the class about festival preparations. I secure a few volunteers who will finish the booth. As long as they stick to their word, I shouldn't need to worry about that anymore.

...

Band practice went late today. As has become tradition at Yamaku, we will be performing some of Saki's music at the festival. She is our most notable musical alumna, after all. Her best friend also happens to be our band teacher. I imagine as long as my aunt's here, this is what the Yamaku Festival concert will always be. Some of the songs are really complex though, and with the performance looming, we are spending some extra time on them. I had a good day in band. Hopefully I can translate that to the performance.

Afterwards, Akari comes up to the piano to meet me and asks, "D-do you have chess tonight?"

I groan. "I'm supposed to. But definitely too tired. I'll text him."

While I send a text to Koji, Akari smiles and says, "Well, more b-best friend time is nice."

I smile back at her. "Yeah, it is, isn't it? We've always been close but…I feel like we've gone up another level lately. Or is it just me?"

Akari giggles, "It's not just y-you. I feel the same."

"Good. I need to swing by the booth to see what's going on. But then we can grab something to eat."

When we get there, it looks like the construction was completed today. There are still some signs that need to be made, but there's plenty of time. And at least in a pinch, I could do those myself without getting hurt.

After that, Akari and I have dinner in the cafeteria. Once we sit down, we start chatting.

"H-how are you feeling about things today?"

"Pretty good." I smile at her. "Might still be your magical massage, but much more relaxed."

She laughs, "P-probably helps that the booth is progressing too. And you p-played really well today."

I pout at her. "Are you saying I didn't play well until today?"

"N-No! Just e-extra good today."

"I know, I'm just teasing. You did too of course. But I don't think you have off days."

She scoffs, "M-maybe not in band…b-but in life I have more off days than y-you…"

"Maybe. But you have fewer of those these days too."

She smiles, "Yeah, I guess s-so."

I'm in bed the night before the festival and I am surprisingly relaxed. Our booth is done, and I've been performing well in band practice. Akari just gave me another nice massage. I didn't fall asleep this time, but I'm definitely relaxed.

My grandparents and my mom will be coming to the festival to see our performance and I'm pretty excited about that. I really wish my dad could be there, especially for Saki's pieces. It would make me feel really proud to play them for him. Maybe they will both hear, wherever they are.

I have spent too much time in bed thinking, because now I need to use the restroom before I can sleep. I'm so cozy too. Oh well, it can't be helped. Nature calls, as they say.

On my way back from the restroom I hear a familiar faint sound coming from Akari's room. She's crying. I wish she would just come tell me when she's this upset, I really want to help her when I can. If I hadn't gotten up to go to the bathroom I wouldn't even know.

I knock on the door, and she knows by now what that sounds like, so I get a quick "Come in."

When I do, I see what I thought I was hearing. Akari is crying into a pillow to muffle herself.

I get in bed with her and snuggle her from behind.

"Anything I can help with?"

"I'm…j-just really s-scared."

I stroke her hair a little. I found out recently it soothes her.

"What are you scared about?"

"Th-that t-tomorrow w-will be like last t-time."

I keep stroking her hair as I try to think about what she means. After about a minute I figure out.

"You're worried you'll have a panic attack?"

She nods.

"Well, this time I will be paying better attention. I was too late last time. But this time if you're in trouble, I will get you out of there, okay?"

"Okay…th-that makes me feel a little b-better. Thank you."

Her body noticeably relaxes.

"Good. Hey, in the future, when you're upset like this, please come and get me okay? I want to help you just like you help me."

"O-okay. I just knew you were stressed."

"Not after your massage." I laugh, "And even if I was, if I can ever help you, I want to, okay?"

She nods.

"Kayoko c-can you…stay with m-me tonight? I'm w-worried I will freak out again."

"Yeah, of course."

"I d-dunno if I can sleep. B-but it is more likely with you here."

"Hey, let me try something. My dad always did this for me when I couldn't sleep. It might help you."

I start stroking her back with my fingers, and every minute seems to make her more relaxed. Eventually I can tell from her breathing that she fell asleep.

I'm glad I was able to help her. Hopefully she gets a good night's sleep. It is pretty cozy in here next to her. I know I won't have any problem sleeping.

It's the day of the festival. I'm up a little early to make sure the delivery to our booth gets made. It's the last crucial thing that has to be done. I let Akari sleep in because she clearly needed it.

I'm at the booth now when I hear "Kayoko!"

I turn around to see Akari approaching me. She's wearing the headband I got her for her birthday.

I smile at her, "I'm happy to see you, but couldn't you have used some more sleep?"

She shakes her head before hugging me. "I slept r-really well. That thing you did was amazing. When I g-got up and saw you were gone I d-decided to come help."

"Thank you. Hopefully not too much help is needed. But your company's always really nice."

We wait a little while longer and eventually the delivery is made. Akari and I check to make sure we have everything, and it would appear we do. We start setting up the various cooking stations and hook the booth up to electricity so we can store things in a mini fridge.

By the time we're done, it's about 10 a.m. Carsten and Ai arrive around 11. Our performance is at 2:30, and Akari and I will come to work at the booth once that's over.

We decide to take a little rest in the grass, as our day is about to get very crazy. We both lay down on our backs with our heads almost touching and we look up at the sky. All around us is the sound of other booths being put together and set up. It's definitely the day of the festival.

"How are you feeling today?"

"S-still a little worried. But much better. Y-your family is coming, right?"

I smile, "Yeah, I'm really excited about that. My grandparents and my mom knew Saki, so I think it will be special for them. Especially for my grandparents, who knew her really well."

"Still k-kind crazy to me your whole family knew her."

I laugh, "Yeah…now that we are doing this performance, it does feel more special to me. It's kind of hard in some ways. I feel like I knew her…she's always been part of my life. Part of me, even. But in some ways, it makes it even sadder that I never knew her."

Akari rolls over on her stomach, "Yeah. I c-can see that. She is k-kinda like a third parent to you."

"...you're gonna have to walk me through that one."

Akari giggles, "She wasn't really a p-parent. But…even though you n-never knew her…I think the only p-people who shaped you more than her are your parents."

"Huh. Yeah. I guess that's true. Plus there's the influence she had on my dad. It is…kinda nice to think of her as a parent…of sorts. I wonder…whether that's what my parents intended."

"What d-do you mean?"

"Well, they always made sure I knew about her. Talked about her like family. I'll have to ask my mom sometime."

Suddenly I hear the sound of rapidly rotating wheels, and before I know it, Ai is above me and looking down.

"What are you two doing? Taking a nap? Soooo lazy."

I giggle, "We were just resting a bit until you got here."

I get up and see Carsten already doing things in the booth. We go over to him.

"I think we got everything set up. How's it look to you?"

"Good as far as I can tell. Time to start preparing stuff. Ready, Ai?"

She sighs, "Yes." She starts rapidly repeating a mantra of "I'm doing this for Kayoko" as she slowly wheels herself into position to help Carsten. It makes me and Akari giggle.

"Others should be here in about an hour so that you have help when things get started. Call me if they don't show up. We're going to go see if the band needs us to do anything."

After that, we help the band move some of the equipment to the outdoor stage where we will be performing. Well, I was there mostly for moral support, as there wasn't much I could safely do other than hold doors open.

...

Before we know it, it is 30 minutes before the performance and we're about to head out on the stage.

My aunt comes up to me with a big smile on her face and hugs me. "I'm so happy you're going to get to do this. I wish your dad was here."

"Me too. More than…just about anything. But his parents are, which is pretty nice."

She breaks the hug and is a little misty-eyed. "Yeah, they are pretty great. I always liked them, but getting to know them even better since they moved here has been wonderful."

"It has. I should go say hi to them. Do you want to come?"

She sighs dejectedly. "Nah…I have this whole…band thing I'm supposed to tend to."

I laugh, "How responsible."

I find Akari and we both go and say hello to my family.

At this point they are just as happy to see her as they are to see me. That could make me jealous I guess, but I mostly like seeing her so comfortable with them. There are hugs all around.

When my grandpa hugs me, he whispers, "I know your dad's watching. We're very proud of you."

I hug him a little tighter. Partly because what he said is so nice and partly because if I don't redirect my energy somehow it is going to come out as tears, and I don't really want to look like I was just crying when I'm out on the stage.

By the time we get back it's almost time to begin.

I hug Akari before we do and I say, "I'll come find you right after, okay?"

She nods. "S-see you soon. I know you'll d-do great."

We then head to our respective places in the band. Playing piano can feel kind of lonely. After all, I'm off on my own while everyone else is seated next to somebody. But it sort of reflects my role too, at least for this performance. Because of the piano's range, I'm sort of like my own orchestra within the orchestra. So, it makes sense we're separate. I compliment what the entire orchestra is doing all on my own, which is pretty cool. Of course, it also makes it much more noticeable if I screw up.

We're only playing four songs today, all of them Saki's. One of them has a particularly challenging passage because it has big chords and octave leaps. My hands are big, especially for a girl, but they aren't Hideki's. That makes it challenging. I've been nailing them in practice lately, and I hope I can do that tonight.

...

As we're playing through the program, I think about how amazing it is that we are reproducing something Saki wrote, even so long after she has been gone. It really is incredible that she did all this before she was 28. I may not have a fatal condition like she did, but I will get increasingly bad arthritis in my joints. I won't be able to play as long as most people. Certainly not past 30. Maybe not past 25. If I want to keep doing music, moving into composition might make sense for me too.

It's time for the last piece, the one that's the most challenging. I'm going to have to focus entirely on it, or I won't be able to do it.

…

We just finished and I played perfectly. The audience is applauding. My aunt is smiling at me. I can't revel for too long though because I need to make sure Akari isn't being mobbed. It isn't very likely because she didn't have a solo today, but you never know. I locate her, and luckily, she's still just sitting and no one is trying to surround her. I still need to go be by her side just in case, though.

I make my way down to her and squeeze her shoulder. She smiles at me, "You did r-really good."

"Thanks. I felt good. How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay. No people trying to t-talk to me. Do we need to do the booth now?"

I nod, "Soon. We should go see my family again and say goodbye I guess."

Luckily things are uneventful. My family congratulates us and we head to the booth. We were supposed to relieve Carsten and Ai, but they decide to stay, and our other two classmates leave. Now it's just me and my friends running the booth and it's surprisingly fun thanks to the company. I deal with customers while the other three prepare the gyoza and tempura. Eventually, the main rush dies down.

"Carsten, Ai, you guys are crazy staying this long. Thank you."

Ai says, "I know. I'm exhausted. But…it was actually pretty fun. Especially once you two came."

Carsten nods, "I am going to smell like oil for the rest of my life, but it was a good time."

We all giggle. "Well, you two can go now. We can finish up."

They both look very relieved, but they have been here for almost 8 hours, so who can blame them?

...

About an hour later, business has really died down, and we are out of almost everything. We had good business today, which will make the student council happy.

"I think we can close up. The fireworks will be soon."

Akari nods, "S-sounds good to me. Where do you want to w-watch?"

"I think I have a good idea."

We finish closing and then I take Akari's hand and say, "Stay close. We have to go pretty far to get the best spot to watch them."

She gets a little worried, which makes me feel bad for my joke. But she won't be worried for long.

We walk about 10 meters to the spot where we rested together this morning before everything got hectic. I let go of her hand and I lay down on my back. She giggles and does the same.

Once the fireworks start, we mostly stay silent apart from exclamations of wonder. It's really nice being with Akari. Everything just seems…better with her. And that is certainly true of these fireworks.

Once it's over, we pull our exhausted bodies up off the ground, and head back to the dorms.

We're riding up on the elevator now.

"That was a really nice festival. It was busy and a little stressful, but I think I will remember it being a really good time more than anything."

Akari smiles, "Yeah, w-we got to hang out all day. That's always nice."

When we get to our rooms we go our separate ways, both too exhausted to do anything but get to bed. As I do, I notice I have a text message from a number that isn't in my phone.

It says, "Hey, I just saw the video of the performance today, you did great! I don't think the band is missing me at all right now."

It's obviously Hideki. I brace myself for a sobbing fit or a fit of rage. Some kind of fit. But none comes. I don't really feel anything, other than pride because of a friend and fellow pianist congratulating me. I smile at the fact that my feelings for him have finally dissipated. They are nothing but an echo now. An echo that I can smile about without getting upset. We had a good relationship while it could last. I don't regret it.

"Hey, thanks! It went really well. I hope things are going well for you, piano and otherwise."

After that, I put my phone down and fall asleep almost instantly.

I wake up a little late the next morning. I didn't set an alarm because I really needed extra sleep. I also really need a shower. Akari might still be asleep, so I'll text her instead of banging on her door.

"Good morning. Let me know when you're up. I need to shower."

About 10 minutes later she texts me that she's awake, so I head to the bathroom for my shower.

…

I'm getting out after my shower. As I'm stepping out onto the floor, my foot touches down on something that feels unfamiliar, and I roll my ankle. There's a flash of pain as my left ankle dislocates. My foot goes out from under me, and I fall on my left side onto the floor in front of the shower. When my left knee hits the ground along with my body weight, I feel it leave its socket too. The pain from that is especially excruciating. The pained grunt that comes out of my mouth sounds unlike any sound I've ever made before.

"Hrrnff!"

I can't believe I hurt myself like this. At least it's the day after the festival…but still. What even happened? Everything was in place. I was careful. What did I even step on? I feel around with my hand, and I realize that the bathmats and floor are drenched with water. There must be a leak. Too bad another less fragile girl didn't discover it first. Tears start welling up inside of me as my pain and frustration grow.

I need to act though, and not just cry. I need to get to the nurse. I'm not going to be able to get up. Luckily, someone is standing by for this kind of thing.

At the top of my lungs, I scream "AKARI!"

Before I have even finished saying her name, she is in the bathroom. When she looks at me with very concerned eyes, I am suddenly very aware of how naked I am. And how naked she is. She must have been changing and rushed in here because she only has on her panties.

She comes to my side and says, "What d-did you hurt?"

"Ankle…knee"

She puts a hand on my shoulder, and it soothes me a little. "Do you think I can help you up?"

I shake my head.

"Floor…too…wet. You…small."

She smirks at me, "Glad you can make fun of my size right now. I'm going to go grab my phone and call the emergency n-number."

She's back in seconds and reports that they are on their way. She has a top from my room too. I'm laying on my side, so it takes some doing, but she manages to get it on me.

"You…clothes?"

She looks down at herself and giggles, "I kind of f-forgot. Be right back."

She comes back in while pulling her shirt over her head.

She comes and lays down behind me and strokes my back the way my dad used to. It really helps me. She must be getting soaking wet, but she knows this will help keep me calm in an otherwise tense situation. She's so good to me.

I don't know if the blinding pain has made me delirious, but I…think maybe I feel something for Akari. Something…more than just our close friendship.

Just as I am pondering my feelings, there is a knock on the door. Akari gets up and does her best to put a towel around my waist and says, "Come in!"

The head nurse and two men with a stretcher come into the bathroom.

The nurse approaches me and kneels next to me, "It is your ankle and knee on your left leg, right?"

I nod, "Okay. I think we'll get you to the medical building before we fix them."

I nod again. I notice Akari is gone, but she comes back with the pink sheet from her bed. She kneels next to the nurse and whispers, "She d-doesn't have bottoms on. So, I thought we could use this before you m-move her."

I smile at Akari. Or...at least I try to. It probably looks more like I'm gritting my teeth right now. Even in the pain I'm in, I was a little embarrassed about the situation. But this should help. They tie it around my waist like a skirt, and then I lay down before they gently pick me up and put me on the stretcher.

In the time it took them to do that, Akari has fully clothed herself, and she reappears. I reach out for her hand. She gives it to me. Even holding her hand is comforting. "Th-thank you…"

She smiles, "Of course. I'll b-be with you the whole way. I'm calling your mom."

I nod.

As they carry me to the medical building Akari continues to hold my hand as she talks to my mom.

As I watch her, I start to realize the feeling from earlier wasn't some sort of delirium. This is how I feel. And I think I've felt this way for a little while. But the pieces only just fell into place.

I start to cry. And it isn't from the pain.

Chapter Text

Once we're at the medical building, Akari holds my hand as my ankle and knee are put back in their socket. It was probably the least painful this sort of thing has ever been because I am very distracted.

Is this really how I feel?

I hear Akari let out a pained grunt. I guess I must still have had a lot of pain if I squeezed her hand that hard, but somehow I didn't feel it conciously.

"Sorry."

She shakes her hand, "It's okay. It's p-probably only a fraction of what you felt, right?"

She's...my best friend.

I nod. "Probably."

The nurse sits down next to the hospital bed with a grim look on her face. "You're going to have to use a wheelchair again. Probably for two weeks or so. Hopefully we can do crutches or a cane after that. The swelling on your knee is going to be bad, so it will probably be at least a month before you're back to full speed. "

I nod.

After the nurse leaves Akari and I sit silently for a while she helps me ice my knee and ankle.

After about 20 minutes of uncharacteristic silence between us, Akari puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "Maybe this is a s-silly question right now…b-but are you okay?"

No. I'm not.

I lie. "Yeah, just bummed out about this."

She nods, "Your m-mom should be here soon. Do you want to be at home or Yamaku?"

"Home."

"Okay, I'll g-go with you."

"Actually, can you stay here?"

She looks disappointed, "You…d-don't want me to c-come?"

I give her a fake smile, "Nah. Some alone time with my mom sounds kind of nice. If I'm still down there tomorrow you can come."

She looks a little hurt, but she seems to buy my explanation. I don't like how much I just lied to her. But I need to get away from her and think about some things.

...

Once we're home, my mom collapses on the couch in exhaustion after having to unload the wheelchair on her own.

"Sorry you had to do that."

"It's fine. But it does seem to be getting harder. I guess aging really is a thing, huh?"

I laugh softly, "Guess so."

My mom sits up and looks at me, "Are you okay? I mean, I know you have an awful injury and how it happened was no fun…but there's something else bothering you, isn't there?"

She knows me well enough to figure that out, of course. I'm glad she did...because I think I need her help.

I sigh and put my hand to my forehead, "I realized something today…and I think it's really bad."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Yeah…it's the main reason I wanted to come here. And without Akari."

"Oh…it's about her?"

"Yeah."

"Did you two have another fight?"

"No."

"Well, is she doing okay?"

"Yes, mom just…give me a second. I'll tell you. It's…really hard for me to say."

I take a deep breath.

Maybe I shouldn't say this out loud. Hell, I haven't even thought it yet, not in these exact words. Maybe if I don't it will go away. But I'm kidding myself. I can tell that it won't. It's too strong. Too deep. It's overwhelming me from the inside. It's like there was a dam holding these feelings in place, but now it's been broken and they are spilling out everywhere. If I don't say something I'm going to drown. I need to tell my mom. She'll be able to help me decide what to do.

I bite the bullet and say the words that I'm feeling.

"I love her."

"Of course you do. She's your best friend. More than a friend, really…"

I lock eyes with my mom. "No, mom. I love her."

My mom's confused expression slowly turns into one of surprise and then to one of concern. She moves closer to me and takes my hand.

"When did this happen?"

I sigh, "I don't know. All the pieces came together today but…I've been feeling different about her for a month probably. I've felt…extra close to her and have been cherishing all our time together. I just didn't realize it was…romantic until today."

I start to cry as I feel the weight of my dilemma and fear for what it might mean. "I d-don't know what to d-do about it, mom…she's m-my best friend…"

My mom rubs my shoulder and gently says, "Does she like girls?"

I sniffle, "Not…that I know of. I…didn't know I did."

My mom hugs me and says, "I think you should tell her."

"What?! How? Want me to just walk up to her and say, 'Oh hey Akari, we've been best friends for a year and a half. Turns out I'm in love with you. What do you think about that?'"

"I'm sorry sweetie, I know this is different in some ways. But listen, you are close friends. The closest, really. It isn't unlike me and your dad, okay? It doesn't matter that you're both girls-"

I interrupt her and snap, "Really? Because I think that might matter to Akari."

"I know, sweetie. You're right, but she would understand because of the bond you two have. If she doesn't feel the same way about you, it will hurt, but I don't think she'd choose to give up on the friendship. I don't think you would either. When I confessed to your father, that is part of what gave me the courage to do it. If I thought there was a real risk our friendship would be completely destroyed, I probably never would have done it. But I knew we cared enough about one another that we would find a way to remain friends, no matter what. I think that's true for you two."

"Yeah…I guess so."

"Look, I guess I'm a little out of my element here, so if you don't want to trust my advice, I guess I don't blame you. Have you talked to Daisuke about this?"

"No. You're the first person I said this out loud to."

"Well, you have my advice now. If you want it from someone who might understand the other part of it, you should talk to him."

I nod, "Yeah…that's a good idea." I sigh. "I just..I wish I didn't feel this way. It complicates things so much."

"When your aunt made me realize I loved your father…that was my first instinct. To wish I didn't feel that way, so things could just go back to how they were. He was my best friend. I was worried these feelings were going to ruin that."

I nod, "Yeah, that's how I feel now."

She smiles at me. "Well…you know how things ended up with me and your father. Again, I know this isn't the same. She…she may not be capable of feeling the same for you. But there is a chance…and I don't think the risk of telling her is that high because of your strong friendship."

"Yeah…that's true. That does make it feel less…weighty. We won't lose our friendship."

My mom nods and smiles at me.

"Okay. I'm going to call Daisuke and see what he says. But I think...I think I have to tell her. It might hurt to get rejected, but not telling her is already eating me up. Maybe Daisuke has some advice on the specifics…I wonder if he has confessed to someone who he wasn't sure was attracted to…people of the same sex?"

My mother smiles, "I know it isn't exactly the same…but when you confessed to Daisuke, there were some similarities, weren't there? He isn't attracted to people of your gender and Akari might not be either, right?"

"That's true. But I didn't know that was true about Daisuke at the time."

She nods, "Well, you don't know for sure if Akari isn't attracted to girls, right? I know it's different. I'm just saying that the situation with Daisuke ended up working out well, all things considered. Because you were such close friends. You two even became closer after that, didn't you?"

I nod, thank my mom, and then go to my bedroom and call Daisuke.

"Hey Kayoko, how are things at Yamaku?"

"Hi Daisuke, they are…interesting. How's college?"

"Good, loving it so far. What makes things 'interesting' for you?"

"Well. I'm in love with Akari."

"You're…what!?"

I laugh wryly, "Even you're surprised, huh?"

"Well, yeah…a little. I knew you were close, but…"

"Yeah, I only entirely figured it out today. But I am 100 percent sure of it."

"So…you're gay?"

"Well, no…I like guys too. I haven't really thought of how to label myself. It is pretty far down my list of concerns right now."

"...right, sorry. So…you're going to confess to Akari?"

"Yeah…I was just wondering…did you ever confess to someone where you were unsure of their…orientation?"

There's a moment of silence. "I did. But I don't know if hearing about it will help you."

"Went that bad, huh? I guess I want to hear it anyway."

"It was…pretty bad, yeah. He was the first friend I made at Yamaku. After about a month I realized I liked him, so I told him. He freaked out and never spoke to me again."

"Great. Just what I needed to hear."

He laughs, "That won't happen here, though. You two haven't just been friends for a month. But…I guess I would say…prepare yourself for the very real possibility of rejection."

I sigh, "Yeah. I think rejection is basically my expectation now. But I have to tell her."

"Well, good luck. I hope it goes well."

"Okay well, thanks for the talk. Tell Kaito I said hi."

...

When I get into bed for the night, I text Akari,

"Doing well down here. I miss you. I will be back tomorrow after band. What are your plans?"

She quickly replies, "I miss you too. No plans."

"Okay cool. Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow evening."

She replies, "Yeah, me too. 😁"

My mom is driving me up the hill to Yamaku. I can feel my heart pounding in my throat. I'm going to confess to Akari. That sentence would have sounded so strange to me a month ago…but now it is the most natural thing in the world to me. It's something I feel like I must do. These have certainly been an eventful few days.

My mom gets the wheelchair out for me after a struggle, and I get in.

She bends over and kisses me on the head while she's still out of breath, "Good luck sweetie. I'm cheering for you."

I take her hand and squeeze it. "Thanks, mom. For all your help with this."

I make my way up to my dorm room in my wheelchair, I'm just about to open my door. I don't know if Akari will be here already. My question is quickly answered when I hear her door open.

She hugs me and says, "Hey, welcome back."

I hug her back more tightly than I normally do. Hugs with her are always nice. She smells good. Like lavender. Her hair is a little wet. She must have just showered. This contact only makes me want to confess to her more. I'm just going to get to the point.

When we break our hug I say, "Can you come in here with me? I have something I need to talk to you about."

She gets a concerned look on her face and then follows me into my room.

She closes the door behind her, and I invite her to sit on my bed in front of me. She still looks worried. I guess she doesn't have any idea what to expect. I think it's safe to say I'm about to surprise her.

I look her in the eyes and say, "This is…k-kind of big. And I just want to say, no matter how you respond to this, I still want us to be friends okay?"

Akari looks very worried now. "Y-you're really scaring me…but it would take a lot for us to stop being friends…"

I nod and try to psyche myself up. The worst-case scenario is that she is weirded out, and it will strain our friendship for a little while. I'll hurt but it'll pass, like with Daisuke. The best-case scenario is that she…feels the same and wants to be with me. The likelihood of that second scenario is…low, but like my mom and Daisuke said…the risk isn't that high either. This is worth it.

"I…I…I…"

I'm so nervous I can't even form words. Just like when I'm around anyone else I like.

She puts a hand on my shoulder. I wonder what she thinks I'm about to say. There's no way she could guess.

She looks very concerned when she says, "It's okay Kayoko, whatever it is t-take your time, okay?"

She makes me feel so much more comfortable. She always has, really. She's helped me in so many hard situations.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, then I say, "I'm in love with you, Akari."

In a voice expressing her complete shock, she says, "Wh-what?!"

Not exactly the response I was hoping for. But just telling her has already made me feel a little better. We can just move past this now.

I open my eyes and see that she is on the verge of tears.

I say, "Hey, th-that's okay, Akari. Don't cry. I'm going to be okay. I knew this was a long shot."

"Y-you like girls!?"

Does she have to say it so incredulously?

I shrug, "You're the first one I've liked. But look, let's just…move past this. Things will be a little weird for a bit, but…I've kinda been through this before with Daisuke. So, I know we'll b-"

Akari leans forward and puts her lips on mine. My heart starts beating very fast. Kissing her is different than kissing a guy. She's gentler. Even more gentle than Hideki. Her skin and lips are so soft. And she smells so good. I can't believe this is happening, but it feels great. When she leans back to break the kiss, I see she has a few tears running down her face, but there's a big smile too. She holds my hand.

"I've…I've been in love with you for…quite a while, K-kayoko. Since your first morning here, I think. When I helped you after you fell…"

She hugged me and helped me avoid having a panic attack.

"I d-didn't know if that's what it was at first…but I figured it out when Hideki left. That is when I really knew. I hurt for you so much, and it was more than just normal empathy for a best friend. I was…r-really feeling your p-pain. I w-was willing to do anything to help you stop hurting. Th-that's when I knew…" She squeezes my hand. "I l-loved you."

She was amazing to me at the time, and I knew that she ached for me. She cried any time I did. But she's right…the amount it affected her…it wasn't that much less than it affected me. And we slept together a lot for awhile there. That whole time…she was in love with me. Sleeping next to me. That sounds so hard.

She continues as tears trickle slowly down her cheeks, "But I thought you c-couldn't feel the same…so I knew nothing could happen." She smiles really big and says, "I…I n-never thought this would happen, Kayoko."

This time I pull her to me and kiss her, a little longer this time. She puts her hands on my shoulders, while mine are around her back. These kisses have both been romantic and wonderful, but also tentative. Sort of exploratory. This is very new ground for us, and I think we are both taking it very slow. I realize I have to tell her something, so I break the kiss this time.

I put my hand on her cheek, and she puts her hand on top of mine. "You've really loved me for so long? That must have been really hard."

"It was s-sometimes. But you're my b-best friend. I knew you loved me and cared for me deeply, even if it wasn't exactly the same kind of love. We share everything with each other. We have a v-very deep bond. You've always been there for me. We've helped each other through so many things…so that was enough for me."

I have a few tears of my own now. That sounds so…painful.

"I don't know how you did that. I'm…so sorry. I've only been holding in for two days, and it was way too much for me. Did you have anyone to talk to about it? All that time?"

She nods, "Ai knows. No one else. She…thought I should tell you a while back but I was too s-scared. It was right after Hideki too… then I w-was with Michi…so…"

"Well…I'm glad you had someone to talk to about it with. I guess Ai will be happy about this?"

She laughs and says, "Probably."

"I am just as surprised as you were about me.  I didn't think you liked girls. I thought this was probably impossible too…I just had to tell you."

She smiles, "I have always been attracted to some girls. Before you, though just…celebrities and manga characters and stuff. No one I actually knew. You're the only g-girl I've had feelings for." She pauses for a moment and then smiles before saying, "Can we g-get in bed together?"

My heart jumps into my throat. This is all so new to me and I'm very nervous, even if a big part of me wants to do exactly that right now.

"I don't…know if I'm ready for that yet."

Akari's eyes get wide, and she giggles. "I didn't mean for that." She blushes. "Though…I think that would be pretty n-nice…sometime in the future. I'm d-definitely not ready for that yet either. But I just wanted to lay t-together. I've always liked laying with you…so it will be nice to do for the first time as..." She smiles from ear to ear. "...your girlfriend."

I smile back, "That does sound really nice. Can you help me?"

She smiles at me and says, "Of course."

I move my wheelchair so it is parallel with the bed, and lower the arm rests. I lift myself up on my one good leg, and Akari helps me balance as I transition to the bed.

I scoot myself against the wall and lay on my back. It's really my only option with the way my leg is right now. Akari climbs into the bed next to me. She gets on her side and lays her head on the pillow and wraps her arms around my waist. I put my arm around her so it's over her shoulders and around her back. It feels so nice to be close with her like this. It always has. She has comforted me by snuggling with me many times. But now…it's a special kind of intimate.

She is smiling beautifully up at me when she asks, "When d-did you know?"

"Know what? …when I loved you?"

She nods.

"Well, I felt my feelings getting more intense lately. But like you said about your feelings…I didn't realize it was romantic love at first. But um…then, the other day..." I trail off and feel my cheeks flush.

Akari giggles. "S-seriously? Us being naked together is what did it, huh?"

My cheeks are burning now. "Is that bad? I just…I noticed I was really attracted to you when I…saw you. Even when I was in pain. That was the missing piece I needed to figure it out. But…it wasn't just that. I've known you really care about me for a long time, but seeing how you took care of me really reinforced that. So, it was more than just the…naked part."

Akari scoots herself up a little and plants a soft kiss on my lips. "Well, I'm g-glad it was more than just liking how I looked. But I guess I am also glad you liked what you s-saw."

I smirk, "You're teasing me about this, but a minute ago you said you started to feel something my first morning here. Was I or was I not wearing only a towel when you helped me that day?"

Akari blushes, "You…were."

I laugh, "See, it's not so different."

"F-fine, you're right." She pauses. "Hey, this is why y-you didn't want me at your mom's isn't it?"

"Yeah. I had to talk to her about it all."

"So she knows?"

"She does. She told me to go for it. Compared us to her and my dad."

Akari smiles, "That's sweet. I'm g-glad she approves."

She adds. "Hey, c-can we sleep together tonight?" She giggles. "I um…m-mean that in the not sex way, again. I've always really liked falling asleep with you. But tonight will b-be a little different, I think." She smirks.

"Yeah. I'd like that a lot. I'll need to change." I sit up.

Akari says, "Do you want me to help you get undressed?"

I swallow so loud I think there was an audible 'gulp' sound.

"Yeah. Um…I guess it would be nice to not have to get up again with my leg like this. I'll just wear a T- shirt and some underwear. Y-you know where those are."

She nods and gets up and goes to my closet before coming back.

She grabs the bottom of my top and I put my arms up. She pulls it over my head. She smiles at me and doesn't shy away from looking at my body a little. It makes me feel really sexy. Part of me wants to throw my bra across the room, rip off her shirt and make out with her. But the more cautious part of me wins out.

I put on the shirt she gave me and take off my bra.

She helps me out of my skirt and turns around when I take off my underwear and put on clean ones.

She gathers up the dirty clothes and puts them in my hamper.

She smiles and says, "I'll be right back."

I'm in bed waiting for my girlfriend - Akari - to come get in bed with me for the night. This should feel kind of insane. But…it really doesn't. It feels right. Like maybe we should have been like this for a long time.

She comes back wearing her bright pink pajamas and I smile at her.

She laughs, "I know, not quite as sexy as what you went with. B-but they are very comfy."

I laugh, "Is what I'm wearing really that sexy?"

She turns off the light and climbs under the covers with me.

"Um…yeah, d-definitely. You barely have anything on."

"Should I put on more?"

"No, no, no. I l-like it like this."

She wraps her arms around my lower ribs, tantalizingly close to the bottom of my breasts.

She sighs happily as she snuggles further into me. "Is this real? I k-kind of can't believe it is."

"It is hard for me to believe too. But…at the same time… natural."

She sits up a bit and puts a hand on the upper part of my ribs, under my collarbone. This time tantalizingly close to the top of my breasts. Is she doing this on purpose?

She kisses me on the lips again, this time a little more firmly. I wrap my arm around her and pull her a little closer. Then we break the kiss, she smiles at me, and we go back to cuddling.

"It feels r-right to me too. I love you, Kayoko. I n-never…thought I'd tell you those words. Not with this meaning…anyway. I'm really…so happy about this."

I grab her hand and lace my fingers with hers. My hand is so much bigger. This is my first time being with someone smaller than me, and she's a lot smaller. It's kind of nice.

"I love you too. See you in the morning."

I drift off to sleep happier than I've ever been, with my girlfriend, who also happens to be my best friend in the world, blissfully snuggled into my side.

Chapter Text

The next morning my alarm goes off and I'm very happy to see my adorable girlfriend still cuddling with me. She starts to stir.

I kiss her on her forehead and say, "Time to wake up sleepyhead." She sleepily opens her eyes and smiles at me before giving me a soft kiss on the lips that I return.

She smiles wide. "S-so it wasn't a dream, huh?"

I laugh, "Nope. Seems real to me. Do you need me to pinch you?"

"No. That's okay. B-but…another kiss would do." She puts her arms around my neck, and I give her a soft kiss. She sighs happily after.

We begrudgingly get out of bed and go about getting ready for class. As we do, I notice my mom called me several times. She probably desperately wants to know what happened. This happened with Hideki too. Apparently, I am bad at remembering I have a phone when I enter a new relationship with someone. I type out a text to her, "Good news: we're a couple. Late for class, we can talk later."

My mom responds with a million smiley emojis.

As we leave our rooms, Akari asks, "Do you want m-me to push you?"

I smile at her, "Sure."

As she pushes me towards the elevator, I find myself even more frustrated about the wheelchair than usual.

"I'm kind of sad that we can't go into class holding hands. That would be nice. And funny to see reactions."

Akari frowns a little, "You want this to be…p-public?"

Shit. I do, but she might not agree. This kind of relationship is different to some people, like Daisuke says. Maybe she isn't ready for it to be out in the open. I should have thought about that.

"Yeah. It's okay if you're not, though. It doesn't have to be. I just want to be with you, I don't need everyone to know."

We get in the elevator, and she thinks about it for a moment. "I'm a little worried about my parents…" She pauses. "B-but they won't do anything other than be a little w-weird maybe. So, I'm good with it."

I grab her hand, "Okay. Only if you're sure."

She squeezes my hand. "I am. I w-want everyone to know." She giggles.

The elevator opens and we head to class.

...

As predicted, my wheelchair situation didn't allow us to make a grand entrance as a couple, and we were running late so even Carsten and Ai don't know by lunch.

When we get out to the quad for lunch, I am reminded of how crappy lunch on the grass is when I'm in a wheelchair, and I'm pretty sure Akari can't lift me like Carsten does Ai. But my disappointment with my wheelchair is tempered by the fact that we get to share exciting news with our friends.

When we get there, Carsten and Ai are already out on the grass. Akari stands next to me, and we hold hands. Apparently, Ai hasn't noticed.

"Kayoko, what have I told you about using a wheelchair!? You need to clear it with me firs-" Her eyes drift to our hands and she freezes.

Carsten looks a little concerned about his girlfriend's sudden silence. "Babe?"

She waves off Carsten and looks absolutely overjoyed.

"Are…are…are… you two!?"

I nod, "Yes. We're together since last night."

Ai squeals so loud that I think every pair of eyes in the vicinity is now pointed in our direction. This relationship is more public now than we had planned. But it's cute. I guess she really wanted this for Akari since she's known about it for so long. I'm sure she's happy for me too.

Carsten looks surprised, which means Ai kept this a secret from him. Which I must admit, is kind of shocking. "You're together…as a couple?"

Akari says, "Y-yes. She's my girlfriend. And I'm hers."

Carsten raises his eyebrows for a moment but then nods and smiles, "That's really great. I knew you two really cared about each other…more than most friends. So, congratulations!"

Ai says, "That now means our group is two couples. We can double date!"

Akari and I giggle. I say, "That does sound really nice," and Akari nods.

...

My mom demanded that me and Akari come to her place for dinner tonight. She is very excited about this whole thing. About as excited as me and Akari. I suppose it makes sense. She loves us both and wants us to be happy, and she knows we really love each other. It's a two birds with one stone kind of thing, I guess.

When she comes to pick us up, she has as big of a smile on her face that I can ever remember seeing. She greets us both with big hugs and is very happy to have Akari to help with the wheelchair.

We mostly make small talk on the way down the hill, and it feels like any other day. The only difference so far is the size of her ever-present smile.

...

Only after dinner does she really broach the elephant in the room.

She says, "It's really great that you two are in love. I'm biased of course…and it's the only romantic love I've ever known…but I think starting out as friends is a great way to go."

I translate for Akari, "She and my dad were best friends before they got together."

Akari smiles at my mom, "Th-that's really nice."

"You know, there is another way that you two are like me and Kayoko's dad."

Akari asks, "What's that?"

My mom smiles, "We met at Yamaku when we ran into each other."

My jaw drops, "Wow. I hadn't even thought of that." I look at Akari and take her hand. "That's…really cute, actually."

Akari looks confused, and we realize she doesn't know the story, so my mom tells it.

Afterwards, Akari giggles and grabs my hand, "R-running into people at Yamaku is a good way to f-find love, I guess."

My mom smiles, "So it would seem. Well girls, it's gotten late. Do you just want to stay here, or should I take you back up?"

Akari and I look at each other. We hadn't really planned on staying because we really wanted to sleep together again. It would be convenient if we could do that here, though.

I say, "You're…really okay with us sleeping together here?"

"Of course. You have many times before, haven't you?"

"Well…yeah, but…"

She shrugs, "You're basically adults. I'm not worried about it." She stops for a moment and winks. "Just try and keep it down, you know?" Akari turns bright red, and from the feeling in my cheeks, I think I'm red too. My mom smirks at what she's done to us.

Surprisingly, Akari pulls herself together before I do, although she is clearly more anxious talking to my mom than she has been in quite some time.

"W-we…wouldn't d-do anything…l-like that here. So, d-don't w-worry."

I nod in agreement.

She giggles. "That's what I figured. Oh, just relax you two. I'm just teasing. Mostly. Anyway, you two sleep well." She winks again.

"Mom! Enough with the…winking and weird…encouragement or whatever it is."

She giggles, "Fine, but it's so easy to tease you two." She gets more serious and comes and hugs each of us before saying. "I'm really very happy for you both. You each got yourselves a really great girl."

I smile, "Thanks, mom."

My mom goes to bed, and we stay up a little longer.

I sigh once she's out of ear shot. "Sorry about that…I should have warned you my mom will probably get sillier with you now that we're together."

"She did that with Hideki?"

"Yeah, apparently making my significant other blush is fun for her."

Akari shrugs and smiles, "That's okay. It's funny, I guess. I'm glad I know her so well. If I had just met her and she did that, it p-probably would have given me a panic attack."

"Yeah. I guess it is nice we already know each other's parents." I have a brief vision of the time Akari's mom verbally tore me a new one in the medical building, and it gives me pause. I look down and wring my hands. "I…hope your mom likes me."

Akari giggles, "She does, actually. She just doesn't show it with hugs and nice words l-like yours."

"Yeah? Well…that's good to know."

Not sure I believe it though.

After that we both get ready for bed. Akari helps me change clothes again, and the sexual tension is once again very present.

After that, we get into bed together. We've slept together in this bed a lot, but tonight we kiss each other goodnight and snuggle much more intimately as we fall asleep, and just like last night, it feels like something we should have been doing all along.

It's been a week since Akari and I became a couple, and it's been great. In some ways our lives haven't changed that much. We still spend all our time together, but now there's this even deeper connection than we used to have. There's a wonderful energy whenever we're together. We sleep together every night too. We're snuggling in bed now, but I have something important that I need to mention. Something I've been dreading bringing up. But I really have to. Hopefully it doesn't bring an end to these blissful snuggles.

"I have chess tomorrow evening."

She nuzzles her forehead into my side, "That's cool, have fun."

"Um…to be clear. It would be chess with Koji. Are you…okay with that? I would understand if you weren't."

She sits up and smiles at me before kissing me. Then she says.

"I think it's fine. I trust you. I know you love me and would never cheat on m-me. And I know you need your chess. I certainly don't want to play." She giggles.

"Okay. Yeah. I'm going to tell him about us, obviously…and the flirty part of our interactions will stop." I sigh, "I think he's still hoping we end up together, though."

Akari puts her arms around my waist and holds me tight with her head against my shoulder. "Yep…too bad for him, huh?"

I laugh, "You're normally a very empathetic person. Not in this case, huh?"

She shrugs, "I f-feel a little bad for him, I guess. Just hard to feel right now underneath all the happy."

When I arrive in the usual place at the usual time for chess, Koji looks really concerned. It confuses me for a moment, and then I remember he doesn't know about my wheelchair. Or…my condition at all. Yeah, I guess that would be really concerning. We really don't know a whole lot about each other, come to think of it.

He moves the chair out of the way that I normally sit in, and I thank him and park my wheelchair in the now-vacant spot. He sits down across from me and asks, "What happened?"

"I hurt my leg. I have joints that dislocate really easily, so I'll be in this for a little bit. Don't go easy on me, though."

He laughs, "If I did, you'd just beat me even faster."

We get the board set up and play a game.

…

"Wow, you really challenged me that time. There were a couple spots where I thought you had me."

Koji is beaming with pride.

"That's a big smile for someone who still lost."

He scoffs at me, "Hey, I am happy with my progress. Turns out you're pretty cute when you're challenged too."

I sigh, "I need to tell you something."

"Did you just go easy on me?"

I laugh, "No. This is about me and…relationships."

He brightens up.

I should NOT have worded it that way. Why didn't I think this out better ahead of time? Now he probably thinks I'm about to tell him we can be together or something. Better get to the point.

"I'm not single anymore."

He deflates, "Oh. That's…cool..."

"I'm really sorry. I know…I told you I would consider your confession when I was ready, and I feel terrible about that."

He shrugs and still looks very dejected.

"It didn't happen by design. I wasn't hanging out with a bunch of other potential romantic partners or anything. I…fell in love with my best friend…it snuck up on me the day I got hurt. And then it turned out she felt the same so…we're together now. I would still really like to be friends and play chess with you. I think it would be cool if you hung out with me and my friends too. But I get it…if you'd rather not."

He smiles softly, "I am a little disappointed. I had this tiny hope we might end up together. But if you found love, who am I to argue with that? I am happy to be your friend."

I exhale and smile, "That makes me really happy. Thank you for taking this so well."

He laughs wryly, "Well, I am used to losing when it comes to you."

I giggle, very happy he's already joking about this. "I know you usually work at lunch, but if you're ever free you should have lunch with me and my friends on the main quad. I think you'd get along with all of them."

He nods, "Yeah. I don't really work in the library at lunch, it's just where I like to go. It's kind of my safe space. But I'll definitely come to lunch." He shifts in his seat a little. "I…haven't made a lot of friends here. I guess you probably know that by now. So…thanks for being one to me."

"Yep. I'm happy to do it. Although if you keep getting better at chess and start beating me, I don't think we can be friends anymore."

It's the next day at lunch. I'm still stuck in a wheelchair, but Akari has found a nice way to sit next to me despite that. She is sitting on some textbooks she stacked on the ground, it gives her enough height that she can lean against the side, and we can hold hands without it being too awkward of a position for her.

I see Koji and his distinctive hoody heading our way. I'm glad he's coming.

I tell everyone about him, and when he arrives, I say, "Hey everyone, this is my friend Koji. You would probably recognize him if any of you heathens ever went to the library."

This does an effective job as an icebreaker as everyone laughs before introducing themselves. After that he seems a little torn about where to sit. He looks like he wants to sit next to me, but isn't sure if that's something he should do. Out of everyone here he only really knows me, so it makes sense he would be most comfortable sitting near me. I think about saying it's fine, especially because Akari seems so relaxed about him, but I probably shouldn't be the one to say it.

Luckily, Akari smiles at him and says, "You c-can sit on her other side, K-Koji. I'm n-not the crazy jealous type, p-promise." I squeeze her hand and smile at her. He's a stranger to her, and one that probably still has some feelings for me. She's clearly a little bit anxious about his presence, but she was still able to talk to him and be welcoming.

He gives her a thankful nod and sits down before getting out his lunch.

He probably feels like a fifth wheel like I used to. We need to make sure we aren't shutting him out.

Again, Akari seems to read my mind when she says, "S-so, when do you think you'll beat her at chess? I'm t-tired of her always coming b-back and bragging. You n-need to knock her down a peg."

Koji laughs, and I say, "Hey! I don't brag."

Ai rolls her eyes, "I've even heard you brag about it." Carsten nods.

Koji laughs and says, "Well…I'm glad I'm helping her self-esteem, I guess. I think I might beat her…once before I graduate. I guess we'll see."

Akari laughs, "I b-believe in you!"

I cross my arms and pout. "You all just made it sound like all I talk about is beating Koji at chess. Makes me sound like a great person. Thanks for that."

Ai giggles, "What was that Kayoko? I tuned out when I heard you say something about beating Koji at chess. It is all you talk about, after all."

I stick my tongue out at her.

Well, they are making him feel included. That's good, even if it's at my expense.

Akari and I are going on our first date tonight. We would have gone sooner than two and a half weeks into our relationship, but I only just graduated from wheelchair to cane, and our options were limited before that happened. Staying in and cuddling was nice anyway.

We're not doing anything too fancy. Just going to the Shanghai. And my mom is chauffeuring us, which is a little dorky. But we needed transportation, and my mom is very excited about our first date. Maybe more excited than we are. I just hope she can keep her lewd comments to herself.

I'm getting ready in my room. It is sort of funny to think that my girlfriend is doing the exact same thing just across the hall. I'm wearing the hair clip she got me, which I do almost every day anyway. But I'm putting it in the low ponytail, which I know is her favorite.

We have taken things really slow in most ways. I guess most new couples don't sleep together every night like we do. But in terms of what we've done physically we haven't done more than kiss and our tongues have never even been involved. I'm hoping that can change tonight. I know we need to move slowly. We're best friends and neither of us has been with another girl, so that adds a complicated dimension. But I'm definitely ready to kiss her more deeply. That much I know.

Last time I went on a date, and I wanted to make something happen with what I wore, it worked out pretty well. So hopefully the same is true tonight. I had my mom bring me an outfit that Akari's never seen me in, so this would feel extra special. I'm wearing a pink tulip skirt with a white camisole blouse. The skirt stops just above my knee, and the camisole leaves my shoulders exposed and shows just a hint of cleavage. Now that we're together, I've caught Akari staring at my chest several times, so I think that will work well with her. Overall, it's a very summery outfit that I really think she'll like. I even went with pink for her. I wish my knee didn't still have an ugly bruise on it, and my ugly cane doesn't exactly go with my outfit. But whatever. She won't care about that.

My mom is going to pick us up in about five minutes. I go to knock on Akari's door and get a "J-just a minute!" in response. After about a minute she opens the door and comes out and when I see her, I am speechless for a moment. She's also wearing something I've never seen her in before and she looks beautiful. She's wearing a pink and white off the shoulder sun dress that really draws my eyes to her neck and collarbone, features of hers I didn't realize I was immensely attracted to until this moment. She's wearing the headband I got her to top it all off. When I break out of my daze she giggles, "You like it, huh?"

"Yeah. A lot. You look…wow."

She pulls me down for a kiss. "You l-look amazing too."

"Thanks, shall we?" I offer her my arm and she loops hers around mine.

When we get down to the gate my mom is waiting. She's already got the back door of the car open. She's standing next to the door gesturing for us to get in.

I laugh, "Wow…you're taking this chauffeur thing seriously, huh? I'm surprised you don't have a special hat or something."

She laughs, "You two look beautiful. I'm happy to help."

Akari gets in first when she realizes I won't really be able to scoot in all the way with my knee right now. Then I get in and we sit close and hold hands. When my mom gets in, she is all smiles. I can't help but smile at how happy she is about us. It's the happiest I've seen her in a very long time. I'm mostly happy about that, but there's definitely a bittersweet element to it, because that means she hasn't been really happy in a while.

When we get down to the Shanghai, she insists on getting out of the car and opening the door for us. She's over the top, but I guess it's nice. She gives me a hand to help me out before doing the same for Akari.

"Let me know when you're ready to be picked up and I'll be here in a flash. I am known for my speed, you know."

We thank my mom and then hold hands as we walk into the Shanghai. When we go in, we recognize a couple of other Yamaku couples who are here on a date. It's really the only restaurant in town. I bet it always looks like this on Saturdays.

We get seated at our table and sit across from each other. I accidentally nudge her with my foot when we sit down, but then I decide to leave it there, resting it on her calf. It makes her smile. She has such a great smile.

After we place our orders, we start talking.

"Summer vacation is almost here. D-do you and your mom have plans?"

"We will probably go to Sendai for a week at some point, but nothing other than that. What about you?"

"W-well I should probably go home…I haven't since winter."

I smile, "Yeah because you took care of me all spring vacation. You should definitely go, at least for some of it."

"D-do you want to come with me?"

I rub my foot slightly against her calf and smile at her, "Yeah, that would be really nice. I'd like to see your home. You know mine so well."

She wrings her hands together and looks down, "I sh-should t-tell you…I haven't told them about us yet. I w-will! I just haven't yet."

"That's okay. Should probably tell them before we show up holding hands though."

She giggles.

"You said before they might be weird about it…what did you mean?"

"Well…they…my mom especially, is a very rigid person."

I feign surprise, "You don't say?"

"They will be fine with it in every way that m-matters. They aren't against it or a-anything. But I know it will take some time f-for her to adjust. This is…k-kind of out of the b-box for her, I think."

I nod, "Well, adjusting is understandable. We're even adjusting. It's fine as long as she accepts us after she adjusts."

"She w-will. I'm sure of it."

I rub her calf with my foot again. It gets a little reaction out of her every time. It's adorable.

"You could come to Sendai with us too. I mean, I will have to ask my mom, but I can't imagine she'll say no. I know you already met Sho and my grandma, but you could see where my mom grew up and stuff."

She smiles, "That would be n-nice. I'd like to spend most of the b-break together…if we can." She blushes. "Is that clingy?"

I giggle, "I don't think so. If it is, I'm clingy too."

Our food comes and we enjoy it, but we were both really waiting for the strawberry cake which we both devour as if we hadn't also eaten an entire main course.

When it comes time for the bill, we both try to pay.

"H-how are we supposed to do this?"

I laugh, "I think we can alternate. I don't think one of us has to always pay. It's kind of silly that the guy always does anyway, isn't it? You can pay today."

She nods and goes about paying while I text my mom. By the time we leave the Shanghai, my mom is ready with the door open.

In a very formal voice she says, "Good evening ladies, I trust your meal was satisfactory?"

This makes both me and Akari giggle uncontrollably, which makes getting into the car harder, but we manage.

On the drive home my mom looks in her rearview mirror and says, "I don't have one of those privacy screens like a real chauffeur. I bet you both wish I had one right now." She winks at us, and we both turn red.

She's not wrong, but does she have to say it out loud?

When we get back to campus, she opens the door and helps us get out again. I hug my mom, "Thanks chauffeur-mom. You did a good job. I'll give you a five-star review."

Akari giggles and hugs my mom after I do.

"Well ladies…you two have a good night, okay?" She winks at us again.

We both roll our eyes before heading to the dorms.

We're staying in Akari's room tonight. Somehow, I have adjusted to the pink, and I only barely notice it now. Alhough, waking up in there can still be a bit of a shock. I don't really feel like I need caffeine on those mornings.

Once we get back to her room, we sit down on the bed next to each other and hold hands while we softly kiss. After several minutes of this, I feel bold enough to ask about going a little farther today.

I pull away from our kiss and put my hand on her cheek. "Hey…I know we're going slow, and I'm good with that. But I have a suggestion. You can say no of course."

She looks a little nervous, but smiles and says, "What do you w-want to do?"

I smile back at her and says, "Do you…want to make out?"

Akari blushes and smiles wider, "I wanted to do that too but wasn't sure you did yet." She starts to move, but then stops. "Um…c-can I get in your lap, or would that hurt you?"

I smile broadly because I like where this is going. "It won't hurt me."

Akari climbs into my lap. She's straddling me with her legs on either side of my waist. This is one of the advantages of our size difference, I would say. She puts her hands on my cheeks.

"I love you so much Kayoko. You're really beautiful. You look so good always…but I really like this outfit. I've b-been thinking of doing this all n-night. Especially w-with your footsie all dinner.

She holds either side of my face and puts her lips on mine. I put my arms around her, pressing her body more firmly against mine. Her tongue gently enters my mouth and our tongues become intertwined.

After a bit, I break our kiss because I want to tell her something too.

I look her in her eyes and stroke her hair. "I love you too...And I've always thought you were beautiful." She nods bashfully, probably remembering that I had to convince her of that once.

I laugh, "Basically we're a really attractive couple." She giggles before we go back to kissing for quite some time. We get more and more passionate. I can feel her breasts pushed up against mine as we hug each other tighter. It feels good. She's starting to move her hips against me too. I'm really getting turned on. We should probably stop soon if we don't want things to escalate. And I don't think we do just yet. If we do this much longer though, I might forget.

As if reading my mind, Akari pulls away from me and lays down on the bed, I do the same and snuggle up to her. She's a little out of breath and her face and chest are flushed, I'm sure that's true of me too.

"Th-that was…the b-best."

I giggle, "My thoughts exactly."

"I th-thought maybe it would take some work to find that…kind of chemistry because we were friends and hadn't made out with another girl before. But…nope!" She sighs contentedly.

I laugh, "Agreed. It was really easy. Kind of automatic even. And it was amazing."

She laces her fingers with mine and turns a shade redder. "I b-bet the other stuff will be too."

I'm probably redder now too. "Yeah, I think you're right. Near the end there I was starting to think about…that other stuff."

Akari giggles, "Me too. That's why I stopped for now. B-but…I don't think we are too far away from that. Do you?"

I smile, "Nope. But we better stop talking about it tonight. I don't know how much self-control I have about this."

Akari giggles, "Yeah, you're right. Let's take a cold shower."

I laugh, "Together?"

She hits me with a pillow and laughs.

"A metaphorical c-cold shower. Jeez you get your knack for witty lewd jokes from your m-mom."

Chapter Text

Summer vacation is almost here, which is great. But that also means we have a pile of tests to prepare for before it does. So, we're spending this particular Friday afternoon in the library. My friends and I are all at a big table cramming as much as we can and helping one another with the topics we're best at. Koji is working, but he's studying with us too. He's really become part of our friend group, and that makes me really happy.

Akari and I are the first to reach our limit. So, we say our goodbyes to our friends and we're planning on getting something to eat in the cafeteria.

As we're leaving the library holding hands, we hear a familiar voice call out behind us.

"So…you're dykes, huh? I guess it all makes sense now."

We both freeze in place, unsure of whether we should turn around or just try and escape from this awful human being. Ultimately, Akari decides to turn around and I follow her lead. It's exactly who I thought it would be - Hiroshi.

Must. Not. Punch.

Akari snaps, "Sh-shut up and go away! N-No one wants you h-here."

In a mocking tone he replies, "Wh-what i-if I-I d-don't? A-are y-you g-gonna d-do s-something? Listen to yourself t-t-talk, what's wrong with you?!"

Must. Not. Punch.

"Come on Akari, we don't need to listen to this." Akari hesitates for a moment, but then she turns around and we head to the elevator.

I should probably stop here and keep walking away. Things might escalate if I say something else. But…I just can't help myself.

"Besides, he's just jealous you got what he didn't."

He scoffs, "Who would want you anyway? Obviously, no guy did, or you wouldn't be with a girl. I thought I might get a look at those big tits of yours, but it's not keeping me up at night that I didn't. I've fucked lots of hotter girls since that day."

Must. Not. Punch.

Akari lets go of my hand and whirls around with a look of pure rage on her face. Something I've never seen before. It reminds me a little bit of the time I angered her mother. I didn't know she had that in her.

With clenched fists, she yells, "SH-SHUT UP!"

He takes a step forward and so does Akari. "Don't like me talking about your dyke lover's tits, huh? Don't worry, that's all she has going for her so there's nothing left to talk about." He looks her body up and down and gets a disgusted look on his face. "Of course, you don't even have tits, so you're even worse off. You two have gotta be the ugliest couple in school."

Must. Not. Punch.

If steam was ever going to come out of Akari's ears, now would be the time. Her fists are clenched and her face is a deep red. I need to keep her from making the mistake I did last time.

I put my hand on her shoulder and as calmly as I possibly can I say, "Akari…he's just trying to make us mad. He isn't worth it. We learned that last time."

She exhales and nods as we both turn back around to finally leave his presence.

As we do, he says "See you later, you ugly dykes!" Then we hear a pained grunt and a thud.

We turn around and see Hiroshi lying on his back and clutching his face. His nose is bleeding. Carsten is standing over him.

"Someone needs to teach you to shut your fucking mouth, Hiroshi. I guess it has to be me. Talk about my friends like that again and I'll do a lot worse."

Hiroshi laughs as blood trickles down from his nose and around his mouth. At first, I'm confused by his reaction. But then I see Ms. Hamada standing about 10 meters away. She just came out of the bathroom. I don't know for sure if she saw the punch, but she definitely heard the threat, and it isn't that hard to connect the dots. She walks over to the two boys.

"Mr. Leipziger, you're going to have to come with me. You too, Mr. Yamamoto. You'll need to see the nurse." Carsten has a look of dread on his face. Hiroshi gets up and smiles even bigger. It's a disturbing sight with all the blood trickling out of his nose.

In a pleading voice I say, "Please…just let this go?"

She bows her head slightly and says, "I can't. Even if I did, I'm sure Mr. Yamamoto would report this, and everything would end up the same. I'm sure you two will be expected to tell your side of the story. That's the most you'll be able to do to help your friend."

I nod and then stand by helplessly as Ms. Hamada takes the two of them.

Carsten puts on a brave face and gives us a thumbs up, but underneath it I can see that he's really concerned. Who can blame him? It's the end of the trimester. We have a ton of tests, and he's probably going to get sent home for a while. Away from his girlfriend who means everything to him. And…away from us too. While I wish he hadn't hit Hiroshi, he did it out of love for the two of us and it is heartwarming, in a way.

Akari asks, "W-what's going to happen?"

I sigh, "Remember that story about Saki my mom told us when I punched Hiroshi? It's similar…"

She thinks for a moment, recalling the story. "S-so he'll be s-suspended?"

I nod, "Yeah, probably. We…need to go tell Ai about this, I'm sure she's still in the library."

We go back into the library, and sure enough Ai is dutifully studying. Koji is still there too. Carsten must have gotten up to go to the bathroom and stumbled upon our altercation with Hiroshi, because all his stuff is still here.

I walk up to the table and say, "Hey…Ai. Something… bad just happened."

She looks up from her book with a raised eyebrow, "Um….Okay…just tell me. You're freaking me out."

"Well…Hiroshi was saying some bad stuff to us out in the hall, and Carsten heard it so he punched him so hard he fell down and his nose was bleeding…"

Koji looks up from his book and says, "Shit."

Ai smiles, "Really?! Damn…that's sexy. Where is he now?"

Akari says, "Th-that's the bad part…Ms. Hamada saw. So…she took him."

I add, "There's a very good chance he gets suspended. In fact, I would say it's almost a certainty."

She deflates, "What does that mean, exactly?"

"He'll have to go home for a little while."

She crosses her arms, "That's bullshit. If he punched him, he must have said something really horrible. Carsten doesn't just go around punching people. I don't think he's ever punched someone."

Akari replies, "W-well…he did say horrible things, but…the school will say punching him was crossing a line."

Ai sighs, "Well, this sucks." She slams her book shut. "Can I even see him or anything?"

"I don't know. We can go to my dorm and call my mom. She'll know more."

Akari agrees and we start gathering up Carsten's stuff.

Koji says, "Good luck you guys. Let me know if I can help somehow."

"We will. Thanks Koji."

We set off towards the dorms and remain mostly in silence.

In the elevator Ai suddenly looks very guilty. She says, "Shit. I'm sorry…I really should have asked. Are you two okay? What did he say?"

Akari and I look at each other. I don't think either of us is 'okay.' But we've been so focused on Carsten we haven't had time to think or talk about it.

Akari fidgets with her skirt. "…whatever offensive thing y-you can imagine someone would say about two girls d-dating…he s-said it."

"What an asshole."

The elevator opens and the three of us go to my room. Akari and I sit on the bed and Ai parks herself across from us.

I call my mom.

"Hey sweetie, how are you this evening?"

"Hey mom. You're on speakerphone. I'm with Akari and Ai. We had…an incident."

"Is everyone okay?"

"Well…yeah, mostly. Here's the summary: Hiroshi said awful things to me and Akari about us both being girls. Carsten lost it and punched him in the face and threatened him. Ms. Hamada heard the threat."

"Hiroshi? Again?!"

"Yeah…"

My mom's voice is trembling with rage, much like last time there was an incident with Hiroshi. "What did he say exactly?!"

"We…can talk about that later. Our immediate concern is what happens to Carsten now. I mean…he probably gets suspended right?"

She sighs, "Yes. Assuming Hiroshi wasn't threatening you two, that's what will happen. There will be a hearing in the morning, I'm sure."

"Hey, Mrs. Nakai, it's Ai, where would he be now?"

"Probably…in his room, with security keeping him there."

Ai scoffs, "Security?!"

"Yes. They want to make sure nothing else happens between the two of them. I'm sorry, Ai. You probably can't see him. You should be able to call him, though."

"Okay…thank you."

"Akari, Kayoko, Don't lie at the hearing tomorrow. That will make things bad for everyone."

"W-we won't lie."

"Good. I'm sure you're all tired and stressed, so I won't ask any more tonight. I'm sorry about this. Love you all."

We all thank her and end the call.

Ai sighs, "I'm going to go call Carsten. I'll let you know if there's anything to report. Thanks, you two…and I'm really sorry you had to deal with this." She hugs us both and then leaves.

With her gone, Akari almost immediately breaks down crying. I start to tear up too.  I hug her and stroke her hair. Then we get into bed and hold eachother. We've been together for a month and a half, but this is the first time we've really felt…singled out for both being girls. This is something Daisuke told me about of course, but I guess we had a false sense of security since we hadn't encountered anything like this.

After crying for a while Akari says, "I-is this s-something we h-have to deal with? J-just for loving each other?"

I sniffle and wipe my own tears away. "Sometimes, I think. I wish it weren't." I pause for a moment. "But…I think it's worth it."

She sits up and smiles at me. I wipe away some of her tears and smile back.

"M-me too."

She leans forward and kisses me. I can feel the moisture on her face from her tears. It starts out as a soft little kiss but we gradually get more into it, and before we know it our tongues are involved and our bodies are pressed together. Things are starting to get hot and heavy before Akari pulls away and blushes.

"D-do you maybe wanna t-try some…other stuff?"

I smile at her, "Are you sure? We had a hard day. Tomorrow will be hard too."

"Th-that's…part of why I want to." She puts her hand on my cheek and gazes into my eyes. "I love you Kayoko…n-no matter what people say about it. No matter what we have to deal with. Saying it is good but I…w-want to really show you…physically. But…if you aren't ready…."

"I'm ready to show you how much I love you. And..I really want to show you all of me…to show you I'm yours." I realize I'm being a little too sappy so I add, "Plus you're really sexy."

She lets out one of her adorable giggles before we pick up where we left off. After a little bit, we let our hands wander places they haven't been before. I slide my hands up her shirt and rest my hands on her hips. She reaches out and starts caressing my breast over my bra and shirt. Even with those two layers of fabric in the way, I can't help sighing happily at the sensation of her touching this part of me. Before long, we both get tired of putting up with all this clothing in the way. She leans back and takes her top off before helping me do the same. When I see her exposed collarbone and neck, I feel myself powerfully drawn to them. I start kissing her up and down her neck and along her collarbone and I am pleased to hear she's deriving as much pleasure from it as I am. Eventually she lays back on the bed to get in a better position, I position myself over her and continue kissing her on her collarbone. I am surprised but also more than a little aroused when I feel her deftly undoing the clasp on my bra. Now, my breasts are hanging freely over her.

She starts caressing them as I kiss her body, running her finger around the nipple causing me to start moaning softly. After a bit of this I lean back and smirk at her, "No fair, your bra has to come off too." She doesn't seem to hear me. Her eyes are fixed on my chest and her mouth is hanging open. I realize she couldn't see them before and now they are distracting her. First Hideki, now her. I giggle, "I'm glad you like them so much. But I want to see yours too."

She smiles and reaches behind herself to take off her pink bra. I've seen her topless before of course but seeing it in this context is very different. I get on my side and start kissing her while caressing her breasts, and she reaches out and does the same for me. I can't help but think about how silly it is that she used to complain about not having boobs. Her breasts aren't large, but they aren't tiny either. They make for a nice handful and I have fairly large hands for a girl. They are soft and very nicely shaped, and I am absolutely thrilled to have my hand on them. I can tell she feels the same.

After doing this for several minutes, I start to slowly move my hand lower and lower on her body. She follows my lead and does the same to me. We both still have our skirts on from our uniform and I gently slide my hand under the hem of hers. She starts shuddering from that alone. When my hand reaches its destination, I can tell that she's incredibly aroused, even through her underwear. The moment my hand makes contact she convulses with pleasure. Seeing her body move to my touch like this is amazing.

She reaches down to do the same to me and my body starts to shudder too. I sit up and sit back so we can both have access to each other. We move so that we are both sitting with our backs against the wall, each of us with a hand down the other's skirt. We use our free hand to caress one another's breasts and we continue to kiss each other.

I continue rubbing her as we lean into kiss each other. We both moan softly as we kiss and caress each other. It feels like time is standing still. I hope it does.

Eventually, I want to make her feel even better. I reach my hand into her panties. Making direct contact with her genitals makes both of us gasp. It's nice doing this for a girl. With Hideki I was never sure what I was making him feel, with another girl, I have at least some idea. I continue to rub her up and down for several minutes, and then I begin to focus on the area just above her opening. I use my finger to circle around her most sensitive spot and the movement of her body instantly intensifies. After about a minute she is so deeply in the throes of passion that she can no longer kiss me or pleasure me. She leans back against the wall incapable of anything but allowing her body to experience the intense pleasure I'm giving her. I start kissing her breasts to add another layer of pleasure for her.

She gently puts her hand on the back of my head as she gets closer. Eventually she pulls up slightly, indicating she wants me to kiss her. So, I move up and look her in the eyes while I continue pleasuring her with my hand. I see some tears on her cheeks, so I stop for a moment.

"Are you okay?"

She smiles. "Yes…k-keep going. I…j-just love you…so much, Kayoko."

I guess that means they are happy tears, which is enough to choke me up a little too. I'm glad sex means so much to her. Because it does to me too.

I smile at her and give her a soft kiss. "I love you too, Akari."

In between moans she says, "I…I never want anyone else. J-just you, K-Kayoko...you're making me feel so…good… I've never felt so...I…I…I'm going to…"

She trails off, losing her ability to speak as she loses control over herself.

I kiss her again and whisper, "I'm so happy I'm making you feel good. I love touching you like this…"

This has the intended effect of pushing her over the edge.

To my surprise, she suddenly grabs my left breast just as her entire body begins to quake. It's a very nice surprise. She's holding it surprisingly roughly and she squeezes harder the more intense her pleasure gets. I moan softly myself as pleasure cascades throughout her body for a full minute.

Afterwards, she's breathing heavily, and she snuggles into my side for a little bit before regaining the ability to speak. She says,, "I wanna do that for you now…is that okay?"

I kiss her. "More than okay. I really loved how you grabbed me at the end."

She giggles, "Y-yeah that's what I thought." She blushes a little. "I…really like your boobs."

I smile at her and turn my body, so they are in full view for her, "Well…I really like it when you touch them." I feel my face flush. "Th-they…are just as much yours as mine now…"

She smiles at me before coming in for a passionate kiss as she gently pushes me. I get the hint and lie down. She's straddling me now as she kisses me with her body pushed against mine. Feeling our bare chests pressed together is wonderful. This kind of closeness is really great with her.

After kissing me on the lips for a while, she starts to snake down my body. She slides her hand under my skirt for a moment and then pulls it back and says, "C-can I take this off?"

I smile at her, "Of course. Like I said I wanted you to see…all of me. You can take everything off if you want to." She blushes but also looks very excited.

She slides my skirt off me. Then she locks eyes with me and wriggles out of her own skirt. She's wearing pink panties that went with her pink bra of course. She continues making eye contact with me as she removes her last article of clothing. When she does, I briefly notice her hips are very scarred, but then everything else distracts me. Seeing all of her is amazing. She's slender and has a flat tummy, but she definitely has curves in the right places. Her breasts fit wonderfully on her small frame, and she has more of a butt than I had expected.

Now, she slides my panties off too. She takes in my naked body for a moment before she lays down beside me with our naked bodies pressed against each other.

She kisses me and says, "Your b-body is…just…so beautiful."

I smile at her and lustily look at her from head to toe, "So is yours. Remember, I was checking you out even with two incredibly painful dislocations."

She giggles proudly before going back to what she was doing before we got completely undressed. She reaches her hand down and starts rubbing me. Feeling her bare hand on this part of me is heavenly. Just as I'm enjoying the touch down below, she starts kissing my breasts. Based on how passionately she is kissing them, I can tell she loves them. She increases her movements down below and starts running her tongue around my nipple I'm feeling such intense pleasure in two different places…and I love the person who is doing it so much. It…felt really good with Hideki. But it feels great with Akari. She just...means so much more to me, than even he did.

After stimulating me for some time, she changes the focus of her hand's attentions to the area just above where it's been spending it's time so far. She continues kissing my breasts and using her tongue on my nipples. As she moves her hand, my body starts intensely shuddering.

"Ak-kar-i…I l-love y-you…I f-feel s-s-so…" In the middle of my sentence, I lose control of my voice as she pushes me to the point of no return. My mouth stays open but all I can do with it is moan as she continues to stimulate me. I cover my own mouth to muffle the sound. After a minute or two, my body relaxes and Akari makes her way back up towards me. She lays on her side and wraps her arms around my naked waist. I'm out of breath but do my best to speak,

"Th-that was…" 

"I'm glad you l-liked it." She sighs happily. "This was r-really nice. And...really special to me."

I'm about to agree when we both hear a knock on the door that makes us both bolt upright. Were we too loud? I briefly think it might be Hiroshi. Luckily the door is locked.

I say, "...who is it?"

In response I hear, "It's Ai. Have some updates about Carsten."

Thank God she didn't show up a minute earlier.

"Um…just a minute!"

Akari and I both giggle as we throw some clothing on. I put on my underwear and throw a shirt on. Akari is a little more conservative and puts her skirt back on too. Our clothes are all wrinkled and askew. Once we are both…somewhat clothed, I open the door.

Ai rolls in without looking at me at first, but once she turns around and looks up at us, her eyes dart between us, to my bra on the floor, and to the bed and she smiles. "It took you a while to open the door. You both have messy hair, you're both only partially dressed, and the bed is all messed up. Did you two…?"

We both stand silently, undoubtedly bright red. That's all the answer she needs.

Ai giggles, "Was it your first time together?"

We look at each other and realize it's fine for us to answer. She just wants to know as a friend. We both nod.

Ai smiles even wider, "Aw…that's really great. I'm happy for you two."

"Thanks. Enough with our sex lives, though. What did Carsten say?"

Ai's smile dissipates, "It's like your mom said. There's a hearing in the morning. He has to go talk about what happened, and you two will be going too. You probably already have emails. You were probably just too…busy to notice." She winks at us.

She is too much like my mom sometimes.

It takes us both a minute to find our phones since things are sort of chaotic in my room because of our...activities. Eventually, we find them.

Akari says, "Y-yeah…looks like we go around 9."

Ai sighs, "I wish I could do something. But I can't even comfort him or anything, other than on the phone. He's really upset. He's almost definitely going to get sent home and then I might not see him again until after summer."

Akari and I sit down on the bed. "Yeah…that's tough. I don't know what he's going to do about all the tests either. Hopefully he can still take them home or something."

Ai sighs, "Yeah. I think he'll be able to make them up. The thing I'm the most worried about are his parents. They are strict. They are nice when you don't cause trouble, but he's told me that even messing up in a small way doesn't go well with them…so I have a feeling he'll be 'grounded' or something the whole break."

"Yeah…that stinks. It's only temporary at least."

She nods, "Okay. Well…that's the update. I'll let you two get back to it."

Akari rolls her eyes, "W-we're just going to go to bed you know."

Ai laughs, "Okay. Well goodnight then. Call me after the hearing tomorrow?"

We agree and then Ai leaves. When she does, we both look at each other and giggle again before taking off our clothes and returning to the same position we were in when Ai knocked on the door.

"I think you said something about that being really special before Ai came right?"

Akari nods.

I start stroking her hair. "I agree…it really was. You're amazing at it…and I think how deeply I love you made it even better." I sigh happily.

"You were amazing too." She blushes and says, "I m-meant what I said. I didn't just say it in the heat of the moment."

"What did you say?"

She looks up at me with serious eyes. "I don't want to be with anyone else. Ever. J-just you, Kayoko."

This level of commitment should probably scare me as a 17-year-old, and there's a tiny bit of fear…but…it seems insignificant compared to how much I love her.

I smile at her, "That's what I want too, Akari."

Akari and I are in the waiting room outside the dean's office. The nurse, Ms. Hamada, and the dean are in there questioning Carsten now. Apparently, they questioned Hiroshi before we ever got here. I'm thankful that they kept us apart.

We're both very anxious and holding hands to assuage some of it, but it isn't as helpful as usual. This is stressful. We don't want our friend to get in trouble, and it sucks that us being verbally assaulted is at the center of it. That means we will both have the joy of telling them all the details all over again.

"Wh-what do you think they will ask?"

"I think just what we saw and heard."

Akari nods.

"Are you going to be okay? Anxiety wise? I can't imagine three people throwing high stakes questions at you is ideal for you."

"I f-feel okay. I think because it's for Carsten I'll be able to do it."

It looks like there is some movement inside the office. They must be done with Carsten. He is the first to exit with Ms. Hamada right behind him.

This is the first time we've seen him since the incident. He looks downtrodden, to say the least. Akari and I get up and approach him. For a moment, Ms. Hamada looks like she's thinking about stopping us. But then she turns around and goes back into the office.

We both hug him, and I ask, "How was it?"

He sighs, "Not great. I really messed up. I'm almost definitely getting suspended. I shouldn't have hit him. I just…snapped."

I whisper to him, "I've been there. At least you didn't hurt yourself."

He laughs wryly. "That's true. I'm sorry you two have to go in there and…relive the stuff he told you."

Akari shrugs, "I-it's fine. Hopefully w-we can get them to be lenient."

A security officer comes in as we're talking and when Carsten sees them he says, "Hey, if I don't see you two, good luck on your tests. I don't think I'll be seeing you until after summer."

The security guard escorts Carsten out of the room as we say our goodbyes. Not long after, Ms. Hamada sticks her head out of the door and says, "Nakai, we're ready for you."

It sort of seems like they let us say our goodbyes. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I nod and give Akari a quick hug before I follow Ms. Hamada into the office. I sit down in front of the dean's desk. I've never interacted with or even seen him before. His job mainly consists of raising money for the school and disciplining students, and I'm not usually involved in those things.

He's a very stern-looking man in his 50s. The hair on his head and his goatee are both entirely gray, and he has wrinkles on his head that indicate he must furrow his brow a lot. He's wearing black-rimmed glasses and a designer suit. He's probably meeting with prospective donors later. I can't imagine he dresses this way just to discipline students.

"Good morning, Ms. Nakai. How are you this morning?"

"Good morning, sir. I'm…not great."

He nods, "Well, let's get through this then. What can you tell us about your interaction with Mr. Yamamoto yesterday?"

"Ms. Yoshida and I left the library. We were holding hands. As we were approaching the elevator, we heard Mr. Yamamoto behind us start to…accost us. "I pause for a moment. "Do I have permission to repeat what he said? It's…very vulgar, and I don't want to get in trouble."

I think reproducing things word for word is far more likely to help Carsten. I imagine at least one other person in this room would be tempted to punch him for what he said.

The dean nods, "You have permission."

"M-Mr. Yamamoto called us…dykes. We turned around and told him to leave us alone…but he continued. He…t-talked about wanting to see my 'big tits'."

I'm starting to tear up. I didn't know this would happen, but now that it is I may as way milk it for more sympathy for Carsten.

"H-he then started to insult our appearance, called us dykes several more times…told us about all of the hotter women than us that he has f-fucked…"

The dean raises his hand and says, "I think we get the picture. Suffice it to say, he used homophobic slurs and was generally vulgar and insulting. "

I nod and the dean hands me a box of tissues. If he's moved by this at all, it doesn't show on his face. The nurse and Ms. Yoshida look disturbed to hear these details at least. The dean gives me a moment to compose myself a little before asking the next question.

"I am given to understand you and Mr. Yamamoto have a history, is that true?"

I thought this might come up, hopefully I don't get in some kind of retroactive trouble.

I sigh, "Sort of. Last year we…kissed once, but I stopped it because he had a girlfriend and I made him leave. He came back the next day and insisted I let him into my room. I told him no several times, but he wouldn't listen. I w-was scared he was going to try to force himself into my room. Akari lives across the hall from me, and she intervened and told him to leave. He s-said some horrible things to her and still refused to leave. I w-was scared so I…punched him in the back. Then he left."

I embellished it a little. I wasn't even thinking about being threatened at the time, at least not consciously. Akari thought he was threatening me though and I agreed after the fact. That's not really a lie, right?

The dean responds, "So this isn't the first time you or your friends have gotten violent with Mr. Yamamoto."

I sigh, "No. B-but both times he acted very…aggressive, vulgar and belligerent."

The dean nods, "Yes, that is well established. What did you see between Mr. Leipziger and Yamamoto yesterday?"

"Ms. Yoshida and I had our backs turned because we were trying to get away from him. He was still hurling slurs at us. Then we heard him grunt and turned around to see what happened. When I did, I saw Mr. Yamamoto on the ground with blood coming from his nose. Carsten...I mean, Mr..."

The dean nods, "Leipziger."

I really need to learn how to say one of my best friend's names.

"Yes, he told Mr. Yamamoto to…stop saying such horrible things to us, or he'd do even worse next time."

The dean nods. "Thank you for your testimony about this. It will prove very helpful." He looks at the nurse and Ms. Yoshida. "Do either of you have any questions?" Both of them shake their heads.

"Um…can I ask something?"

"You may. But I can't guarantee I will answer."

"Since the nurse is here, I was wondering…is Mr. Yamamoto…okay?"

He looks at the nurse and nods to her and she says, "He has a broken nose."

Shit. That makes things worse. Especially because that can be permanently disfiguring.

The dean says, "Okay. You're free to go Ms. Nakai. Thank you for your time. When you go out there, ask Ms. Yoshida to come in."

"Yes sir."

I get up and go back to the waiting area outside of the office and I send Akari in after exchanging another quick hug with her.

I sit down on the couch in the waiting room and wait for her. While she's in there I start to get a little worried they might give her a panic attack even though she said she thought she could do this. Luckily it isn't too many people, she knows two of them well, and she's focused on trying to help Carsten.

After about 10 minutes she comes out a little teary-eyed. She cried about what he said to us too. Ms. Hamada and the nurse were probably even more disgusted to hear Akari relate the same things. Hopefully that helps.

As we head back to the dorms, we discuss what they asked us, and we realize we said pretty much the same stuff, which is good.

"D-do you think you will get in trouble now for punching him?"

"I don't think so. Maybe he'll try to make that happen, but I think there's a reason he never brought it up before. He knows those girls who saw would be on my side, like my mom said back then."

Akari nods and loops her arm around mine, "I hope so. Th-thinking about you getting suspended and n-not having you for a while is…hard.. Makes me realize how bad it is for Ai and Carsten."

We call Ai and she's waiting for us outside of our rooms by the time we get there. We go into Akari's room to discuss things.

Ai has a lot of hope on her face when she says, "So, how did it go?"

"Well…we saw Carsten. He thinks he's getting suspended for sure. I think he'll find out soon what they decide. But…I know we both told the truth. And we both cried when talking about what he said to us. I think…they will be a little more lenient than they would otherwise be. He…did break his nose, that part probably won't help."

Ai shifts in her wheelchair, "I'm really sorry you two had to deal with that. It makes me want to go punch him in his broken nose. But I guess I shouldn't, huh?"

Akari laughs wryly, "Probably n-not."

I sigh, "Well…unfortunately, we all probably need to study. Might be good for taking our mind off things I guess."

We drag ourselves to the library and study while waiting for news about the situation. Koji greets us and we rehash everything.

I get a call from my mom around noon.

"Hi, mom"

"Hey. Are you with Akari and Ai?"

"I am."

"Can you get somewhere private?"

"Um…we're in the library but…maybe. Give me a second."

I tell Akari and Ai the situation and the ask Koji,

"Can you let us in a private study room? My mom has something she wants to tell us…I think it's about the Carsten thing."

"Yeah, sure." The three of us follow him to one of the rooms and he unlocks it for us.

We thank him and go inside.

I put the phone on speaker phone.

"Okay, we're somewhere private now. You're on speaker phone."

"Okay well I have…poked around a little, and I have some news about everything."

My guess is Ms. Hamada and/or the nurse told her everything. She knows both pretty well.

"The bad news is Carsten is getting suspended. He'll be sent home for the rest of the trimester."

Ai sighs, "Yeah…I kind of figured but it still sucks to hear. You made it sound like there is good news too, though."

"There is. Hiroshi is getting expelled."

This brings a big smile to all our faces, but then I have lots of questions, so I voice them.

"What!? How!? Wasn't he supposed to be the victim here?"

"It turns out he has been in significant trouble before for saying vulgar and profane things to women and acting menacing towards them. That isn't much of a surprise to us of course. But apparently, he's gotten in trouble several times. He was even suspended twice. So, he was on extremely thin ice. The dean decided that this whole incident was the last straw."

Akari exhales and smiles. "Th-that is really good news. Makes me feel…safer."

"Yeah, me too."

My mom says, "Yes. I'm glad he's gone. I'm not sure what I would have done if he wasn't. But I may have done something that got me fired." She exhales, "Sorry about Carsten, but I think it'll all be fine in the end."

Ai says, "Thank you Mrs. Nakai."

"It's no problem, dear. Happy studying to you all."

As we hang up and are getting ready to head back out into the library, Ai gets a call.

"It's Carsten."

"Okay, do you want us to go outside?"

She nods and we step outside and wait outside the door. She comes out after a few minutes.

When she comes out, she has a gloomy look on her face. She says, "Yep, he's suspended. His parents are on his way to get him now. They are…apparently not happy, like I expected. I won't get to see him before he goes. Maybe not over the break either." She sighs. "It sucks, but at least everything is concrete now. Don't have to worry about the possibilities."

After that we resume studying. We have a week of tests and then it's summer break. Hopefully we can relax and put this whole thing behind us.

It's the first day of summer break.

I just woke up to the sound of pounding on my door. It's really loud, but Akari doesn't seem to be stirring. Who the hell is banging on my door? It can't be…Hiroshi, can it? He's expelled…right?

I grab my cell phone, select security in the phone book and cautiously say "...who is it?"

"I-it's Ai…p-p-please let me in." It sounds like she's crying.

I get up and Akari starts to stir. She grabs my hand and sleepily says, "Don't go. Stay in b-bed a little longer. N-need more snuggles." She must think it's morning. It's pretty cute, but unfortunately, we don't have time for cute right now.

I give her a quick kiss and say, "Ai's at the door and sounds really upset. So, I'm going to let her in."

This has the effect of waking my girlfriend up all the way. She sits up in the bed and nods.

I open the door and see a very distraught Ai, sobbing into her hands. This is an unusual sight and must be a result of something awful. Akari and I are crybabies, but I've never seen Ai cry before.

"…let's get inside, okay Ai?"

She nods and wheels herself in.

I sit down on the bed and Ai positions herself in front of me. I take her hands.

"What's wrong?

She can't even lift her head to look at me, and when she tries to speak, she starts sobbing.

"C-C-Carsten's p-parents are sending him b-b-back to Germany…He l-leaves in t-two d-days…"

This causes me and Akari to both tear up too. We don't want Carsten to leave, but there's some guilt too, at least for me. This is kind of my fault.

Akari says, "B-because he got suspended?"

Ai nods, "After his t-trouble a couple years ago and then this th-they decided he sh-shouldn't go to school here anymore. B-b-but…I love him so m-much. I d-don't want him to leave…I…I need him…"

I remember how much it hurt with Hideki, and they have been together for longer and love each other far more deeply. I can't even imagine what it feels like.

I hand Ai a box of tissues because it's the only thing I can do. We're completely helpless here. We can't stop his parents from sending him away…can we?

"What do you want to do, Ai?"

She wipes away some of her tears and shows some resolve in her eyes. Thinking about the actions to take must be helping her a little.

"I want to s-s-say goodbye at least. M-m-maybe convince his parents…"

Akari says, "We can try that. We can go to Tokyo tomorrow and stay with m-my family."

This is surprisingly impulsive for Akari. She REALLY cares about Ai and Carsten.

I look at her, "Your parents would be okay with that? We aren't supposed to be there for another week."

She nods, "I th-think they'll d-do it. I can check in the morning."

Ai has some new hope on her face as she wheels herself next to Akari and hugs her, crying into her shoulder.

"Thank you…Akari…I j-just….I n-need to see him before he goes…if he's going t-to."

Akari hugs her back. "I know. You deserve to. We'll m-make sure that happens one way or another."

I start tearing up again like the crybaby I am. "I'm sorry about this Ai…if we had just…completely walked away from Hiroshi…if I hadn't made one of the comments I made…none of it would have happened."

She scoffs, "Even if C-Carsten has to l-leave us, I w-would say punching him was w-worth it after what he s-said." She laughs softly.

She wipes her tears away again, "So…we'll leave tomorrow if Akari's parents agree?"

Akari nods, "Yeah."

Ai has a determined smile on her face now. "Thanks…both of you. I woke you two up from snuggling in the middle of the night and threw this at you…and then you even have a plan. I love you two."

"Of course, Ai. We love you and Carsten. We don't want him to go either."

Ai starts tearing up again, "Yeah. It's…gonna be really hard if it c-comes to that. But w-we have each other, right?"

Akari nods, "Y-yeah. We'll get through it if we have to."

The next morning Akari called her parents. Apparently, her mom was a little put out by the situation at first. But when Akari explained things, she agreed to let us stay with them without much of an argument.

Carsten's parents agreed to meet the three of us tonight. They think we're only going to say goodbye. They don't know that we're also going to make a desperate attempt to change their mind. Luckily, they really like Ai, or I don't think they would have been so willing to meet at all.

In addition to all the Carsten stuff, I'm a little nervous to meet Akari's parents as her girlfriend. Her mom still scares me. She did tell them about us a couple of weeks ago, and they took it better than she expected. So at least there's that. Right now, though, that's kind of on the backburner. We only have so much time to try to keep our friend in Japan.

We're in the car now. My mom's driving us to the train station in Sendai. We're almost there.

"You girls be safe, okay?"

I nod, "We will. Akari's parents are meeting us once we get there, and this train is direct, so we won't be on our own for too long."

My mom seems satisfied with our answer as we pull up to the train station.

"Have a good trip, you three. Call me if you need anything."

She hugs us all and gives Ai an extra squeeze before she gets back in her car.

Our luggage situation is not ideal because Akari is the only one of us with no real mobility or weight restrictions.

I packed as light as I could, but because me and Akari will be staying a week, there was only so much I could do. We did manage to only bring one piece of luggage but it's quite large. Poor Akari has to lug our huge suitcase on her own and it's about 75% her size. At least it has wheels.

Ai packed lighter than we did. She is going to visit her parents after one or two nights in Tokyo, so she didn't need to bring much. Luckily her bag is light enough for me to carry it over my shoulder.

We make our way to the train and find a nice table with wheelchair access.

Ai has been quiet and gloomy all morning. Right now, she's just sort of staring at a blank space on the table. I understand why, but I wish I could do something to help her. There is something I should probably figure out how to do before tonight and it might distract her.

"Hey…Ai, can you teach me how to say Carsten's family name correctly?"

Akari says, "M-me too."

Ai smirks at us, "Sure. Would probably be bad to start out on the wrong foot with them."

The first hour of the train ride is spent with her trying her best to get us to make the correct sounds. She's eventually satisfied.

"Carsten had to teach me to say it too. And some other German things…" She starts to tear up. "I d-don't know what I'm going to do if I l-lose him."

Akari reaches out for her hand and Ai smiles and gives it to her. "You t-two love each other so much. Even if he goes…d-don't you think you can do long distance?"

Ai nods. "We've talked about it. We w-would try. But…if I'm being realistic. It would be really hard to do that for a year and a half."

I say, "Well…that's true. But even if he has to go…it isn't all over. I know you two will fight as hard as you can to stay together."

She nods, "Yeah. We will." She sniffles. "But hopefully it doesn't come to that."

...

We're leaving the train station in Tokyo now. We have a few hours before our meeting with the Leipzigers.

"There's m-my dad."

Akari points and I see him. It looks like he's alone, I'm thankful for that. We head in his direction, and he greets us. I realize this is the first time I have ever been around him when his wife isn't with him. He seems far more relaxed. I guess I don't blame him.

He smiles when he sees me. It feels warmer than normal. I wonder whether it's because he knows I'm in a relationship with his daughter or because his wife isn't here.

"It's nice to see you again, Kayoko."

"Yeah, I'm happy to see you too Mr. Yoshida."

"D-dad this is Ai, my friend who I told you about."

They exchange introductions, and then we get in a cab. Thankfully, Mr. Yoshida has a much easier time with a wheelchair than my mom does. I was a little worried about that. He's bigger, a man, and at least 10 years younger, so I guess I shouldn't have been.

We arrive at Akari's home. It is not far from the university. Her parents walk when the weather is nice. It is a modestly sized two story house with a modern design. It is a very sterile-feeling clean environment. I imagine her mom runs a tight ship. But it's a little bit extreme. It's almost as if no one is living here and it is being staged to get people interested in buying it. The bland, sterile, generic decorations don't help much with that.

As Akari gives us a tour I notice there are two exceptions to this. One of them is Akari's room which is just as pink and girly as you would imagine. The other is her father's office. It's clear he spends a lot of time in it. It's kind of a mess with papers strewn about. He has lots of interesting things on the walls in there too, including what looks like a wrestling championship belt and some medieval manuscript pages with musical notation, like the one Hideki has. Those rooms must be the tiny places these two have carved out for themselves in this house that is dominated by Mrs. Yoshida.

I am sharing the guest bed with Ai tonight, and Akari has her own room. I'm guessing the configuration is a result of not wanting the two of us doing anything sexual here. Of course, I would never dare to do something like that in this house. I think I would be too scared to even get in the mood.

Apparently, her mom is teaching right now, and we won't see her until tonight. That's good, I won't have to deal with her until after we go see the Leipzigers. One thing at a time.

We decide to rest and save our energy for the tense meeting that is undoubtedly ahead.

...

We just arrived at Carsten's parents' home, which is quite literally right next to the German Embassy. Clearly the German government provides this housing for them.

We go through a security gate and once we do we find ourselves in a very nice garden. It is the kind of place that it would be very nice to sit down and relax if we had the time and weren't in such a tense situation. The flowers and fountain are beautiful, but nothing's going to calm my nerves right now other than confronting this situation head on.

The house is unsurprisingly in the western style. It isn't especially large, but it is very nice. When we ring the doorbell, we are greeted by Mrs. Leipziger. Like Carsten, she is tall, has blonde hair, blue eyes and very fair skin. She has a figure much like mine and a pretty smile. I think most would say she is a beautiful woman.

She greets us in Japanese that is significantly more accented than her son's, but she is clearly fluent. She seems to make some "r" sounds silent so sometimes it takes my brain a second to figure out what she's saying. It's the kind of thing I would get used to if I talked to her enough.

She smiles and says, "Hello, Ai. It's nice to see you again."

Ai smiles, "You too Mrs. Leipziger. These are my friends Akari and Kayoko."

She nods, "Yes, Carsten told us about them. It is nice to meet you both."

At the same time, Akari and I say, "It is nice meeting you too Mrs. Leipziger."

I hope we said that right. She didn't flinch or anything, so I'm going to call it a win.

She smiles and says, "Come in and we'll have a seat in the living room."

When we get to the living room, we see that Carsten is already there sitting in an armchair. I can tell Ai is more reserved than normal because she doesn't rush towards Carsten at Mach 1. Instead, she takes a leisurely pace, and once they are together, they exchange a quick hug and kiss. His parents must really be strict if their presence is enough to slow down Ai.

Akari and I also say hello to Carsten before taking a seat together on a couch. His mother takes a seat on another couch that we are all facing.

She smiles and says, "It was very nice of you all to come and say goodbye to Carsten."

Ai grimaces and I feel a pang in my stomach.

This can't really be a final goodbye…

Her husband arrives in the living room not long after this. He is a very tall man with steely blue eyes that possess a quality that makes you feel pierced by them when he looks at you. He has a strong, square jawline, almost like a comic book super hero. He's intimidating. Based on his appearance and the way he holds himself, he may rival Mrs. Yoshida. Hopefully he isn't quite that formidable, or we're in for some trouble. We all exchange pleasantries and introductions. His accent is similar to his wife's.

He sits down next to his wife and gets directly to the point. Carsten did tell me German people were blunt.

"Am I right to assume you aren't all here just to say goodbye?"

Ai says, "You are, sir."

I've never heard Ai say "sir" or "ma'am" to anyone. Note to self: be very formal with Mr. Leipziger.

Mr. Leipziger lets out an annoyed sigh, "Very well then, let's just get to the point. We have a lot of travel ahead of us tomorrow."

Ai grips the hem of her skirt tightly and closes her eyes when she says, "We…were hoping you might consider…not sending Carsten to Germany, sir."

Carsten's father furrows his brow and his steely blue eyes stare a hole through her before he says, "I understand that you want him to stay, Ai…But…it has unfortunately become clear to us that school in Japan isn't a good fit for Carsten. This isn't the first time there has been an issue. He had problems in middle school, too"

His mother adds, "We…nearly sent him to school in Germany after that. So…when this happened, we felt that it was a sign."

Just as I'm about to raise my objection, Akari gets there first. "B-but that's not true! School in Japan is good for him. A-at least…Yamaku is." She pauses for a moment and realizes she wasn't as polite as she should have been and adds a very late, "…sir."

Mr. Leipziger turns to Akari and says, "Oh? Then why did he have an altercation with another student? Why was he suspended from school? That kind of behavior is unacceptable."

Not quite as scary as Akari's mom…but not too far off either. Oh boy.

Akari wilts and then freezes up, so I say, "You're right, sir. He…shouldn't have hit the other student. But he only did it to try to protect his friends, sir."

Mr. Leipziger sighs in frustration, "Yes, the other student was calling one of you names, right? We know the story. It doesn't change the fact that he acted inappropriately."

Through gritted teeth Ai says, "It…wasn't just calling names…it wasn't as trivial as that."

Mr. Leipziger raises an eyebrow at Ai. "I like you quite a lot Ai, but I don't appreciate your tone."

She bows her head. "I'm sorry sir, that was disrespectful of me."

He nods approvingly at her apology and then continues. "Unless he was threatening one of you, it seems fairly trivial to me."

Akari has now recovered from her earlier setback. She says, "Sir, H-he…m-may not have threatened us physically. B-but…Kayoko and I are…t-together." She takes my hand as she starts to tear up, "A-and he was using slurs b-because of that…" Her voice starts to crack. "...B-because of who we l-love...so it wasn't just s-silly name calling on the playground. He w-was attacking us for who we are. It did…hurt us b-both. Just not ph-physically…sir"

Both of her parents look at least somewhat affected by what Akari said. His father's eyes have lost some of their sharpness, and his brow is the most relaxed that I've seen it so far. His mother is glassy eyed.

I don't know whether Carsten has told them all this but, even if he has, hearing it from us is different. Especially because Akari phrased it so well, and with genuine emotion.

I add, "Sir, I don't know if you know this…but the other student was expelled, because this wasn't the first time he did something like this."

His father raises his eyebrows and looks at Carsten.

Carsten says, "Father…can I say something?" His father nods.

"Sir, I know I shouldn't have hit him. I know it was a mistake. I wouldn't do it again. I should have helped them get away from him or gotten a teacher to intervene. But…I lost control because Yamaku is so good for me. I never really had friends at school…before Yamaku, but Akari and Kayoko are my best friends. I love Ai, and I love Akari and Kayoko. We're kind of like…a little family. That's why I…had a hard time hearing him say what he was saying to them."

Mrs. Leipziger says her husband's name and then whispers to him, I think in German. I can't make it out. It seems like she's been more moved by everything than he has. Maybe she can convince him.

After a rather lengthy conference, Mr. Leipziger says, "It means a great deal to us that you all came here because you care so much for our son. We can see that he has a community that cares for him at Yamaku, and we better understand his actions thanks to you."

We look around at each other hopefully, but Mr. Leipziger's next words hit us like a hammer.

"However, he still has to go to Germany for school."

Ai bows her head and starts crying, Carsten has a bitter grimace on his face. I'm on the verge of tears myself and Akari is sitting stock-still with her eyes wide open. Coming in we didn't think we had much of a chance…but then I think we all got our hopes up.

Seeing our downtrodden faces Carsten's mom adds, "He still has to go. But only this term. We have already paid the school and arranged everything. So, he will spend a term in Germany, but if he still wants to return to Yamaku after that, we will allow him to."

This lightens the mood in the room significantly. What a rollercoaster ride the last minute has been.

It's unfortunate he's going to be gone for several months but given what we thought was going to happen a minute ago this feels like a victory. Carsten and Ai give each other a quick kiss and then hug each other, and Akari and I do the same.

Carsten's father says, "Thank you all for coming, but as we have a long day of travel ahead of us tomorrow, I think it is time for us all to part."

Carsten says, "Father…mother, thank you."

His mom smiles at him and says, "Thank your friends." Then his parents leave the room.

We say our goodbyes, but luckily, they aren't as final as they could have been.

Carsten says, "Thanks for coming to help…I'm glad we made it better at least."

Akari and I give teary hugs to him, and then we leave Ai and Carsten alone. We wait for Ai outside the front door. After it becomes clear it's going to take awhile, we take a seat on a bench in the nice garden and hold hands.

"I'm glad he's going to come back…but I think this will be a hard time for Ai."

"Y-yeah. We will have to help her."

I nod, "We'll have to invite her to hang out more and stuff. Might be a little less alone time for us" I wink at her and nudge her gently, "But I guess we'll be okay."

Akari laughs and squeezes my hand, "We will s-still have plenty of time, I bet."

We hear the front door open and Ai wheels out. Her face is tear stained, but she's smiling.

We get up to meet her and I ask "How are you?"

She smiles up at me, "I'm okay. Really, really gonna miss him. But we'll make it a few months."

Akari hugs her, "Y-yeah. I know you will."

"I know we aren't Carsten, but we'll do our best to help you."

She smiles up at me. "I know you will. You already did a lot. I think it's you two who really got them to change their mind. Carsten does too."

"Well…good, I am glad we helped."

After that we make our way back to Akari's.

In the car on the way home my main concern for this visit shifts back to Akari's mom. I really hope this week goes well. I need to really mind myself around her.

...

When we arrive back at the Yoshida house, Akari's mother is there. She greets us with all the warmth she can muster, which isn't much. But I can tell she tried.

Akari's dad made us dinner and we all sit down at the dining table. He made some sort of Italian pasta dish. It reminds me of my dad, who liked cooking more international cuisine than my mom does. This really helps me enjoy the meal, although I think I am eating with a little more gusto than I probably should. Hopefully not like my mom, though.

Akari's mom notices. With a tiny smile on her face she says, "You quite like this, don't you Kayoko?"

I nod and swallow the bite of food in my mouth. "Yes, it's amazing. My dad made a lot of Italian food, so in addition to the taste this is sentimental I guess."

Her smile gets slightly bigger, "Well, that's nice. My husband is quite a good cook."

He smiles broadly at her praise.

I wonder if in this household you have to really hold on to every last bit of praise she gives you, like a squirrel hoarding nuts for the winter. I do feel like she is trying harder. I do really appreciate that. I should probably try not to think so negatively about her.

I smile at Mr. Yoshida, "I agree."

He says, "Thank you. So…I understand you three had some success with your mission?"

Ai says, "Yes. He'll only be leaving for a few months now. Thank you both so much for letting us stay here on such short notice. This…was really important, and I wouldn't have been able to do it without everyone at this table helping me."

Mrs. Yoshida looks at her approvingly and says, "You're quite welcome."

Ai is good at being formal and proper when she needs to be. That's useful with Akari's mom, but I feel like she's upstaging me a little. Being formal is not exactly one of my greatest strengths. Thanks, mom.

Mr. Yoshida says, "You know…part of the reason we wanted to help is because we could relate a little."

I look at Akari expecting to see that she knows what is coming, but she just looks confused.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

Mrs. Yoshida smiles at her husband with the most affection I've ever seen from her. Then she looks at the three of us.

"When we were both at Cambridge, my family encountered some financial trouble here in Japan. It looked like they wouldn't be able to afford for me to keep working on my PhD. So, we thought I was going to have to come back here." She smiles at her husband again, "Do you want to tell the rest dear?"

He smiles and nods, "I flew back to Japan with her and met her parents for the first time. I told them I would do whatever it took for them to let your mother stay at Cambridge. I knew she was brilliant and wanted her to complete her PhD…but I also didn't want to lose her. Her parents said if I could put her through school she could stay. Ultimately, I convinced my parents to give me my inheritance early, and I used it so that we could both go back to Cambridge and finish our degrees. Once we did, we got married."

Akari's mom adds, "I already thought I would probably marry him. But…when he went to the ends of the earth to keep me with him, I knew for sure."

This woman has a romantic bone in her body after all. Who knew?

Certainly not Akari whose mouth is hanging wide open.

Ai smiles and says, "That is kind of like me and Carsten. That's a nice story."

Stop commenting on things first, Ai!

"Yeah…that really is beautiful. I'm glad it all worked out."

Mrs. Yoshida smiles at me, "Me too." Then she turns to Ai and her smile gets bigger. "So, that's why we were willing to do what we could to help. We're glad your last-ditch effort was successful too, Ai."

She definitely likes Ai more than me. Probably wishes she was the one dating Akari. Good thing she's leaving tomorrow.

"Wh-why did you never tell m-me this story before?"

Akari's dad smiles. "You know we aren't big on sharing. But…there's lots of romance in the air tonight, between everything with Ai and Carsten, and the two of you looking so happy together." His wife nods in agreement.

This is the first time they've acknowledged our relationship. It feels really nice.

I blush a little and so does Akari. We hadn't been particularly affectionate with one another since we've been here because we were a little worried how her parents might react. But they could still tell we're really in love.

"Th-thank you, mom and dad. I am r-really happy."

"Yes, me too. Akari is" I smile at her, "…amazing."

Ai adds, "They are really cute together. I was very happy when it happened."

Akari's mom smiles at us both and I think for a moment she's going to agree. But then she says,

"It's gotten quite late. You have an early train right, Ai?"

She nods. "Unfortunately."

"Okay, you girls go get ready for bed." It feels more like a command than a suggestion. I was going to offer to help clean up, but I can tell it would be refused.

We do as she instructed, and once we are in our pajamas, we spend a little time together in Akari's room. There is one major theme of the discussion.

"I have n-never seen my mom like that before."

I laugh, "I'm glad it wasn't just me."

Ai says, "What was so different about her?"

Akari giggles, "She is normally not emotional and doesn't talk about…p-personal stuff."

Ai nods, "I see. I guess she got swept up in all the romance like she said."

"Y-yeah…guess so. I didn't know she even had that s-side to her. It was n-nice."

"It was." I grab Akari's hand. "I'm really glad they approve of us."

Ai smirks and starts making her way towards the door, "I'm just gonna…go to our room, okay Kayoko? See you in…a little while?"

I laugh, "Yes, Ai. Thank you."

Akari giggles after she leaves. "She's silly."

"She is. But it's nice she wanted to leave us alone for a minute."

Akari nods and I put my hand on the side of her head, and I lean into kiss her. She kisses me back and we scoot out bodies closer together as our tongues touch one another. After about a minute I pull away and rest my head on her shoulder. She strokes my hair.

"It's too bad we can't sleep together here. But I suppose I understand."

"Y-yeah…I wish we could, but most parents aren't like your mom."

I giggle, "That's definitely true. On the bright side, your mom isn't going to be trying to make us blush by bringing up sex all the time." Akari giggles and nods.

I sigh and stand up. Akari does too and hugs me while I stroke her hair.

I manage to force myself to say goodnight and let go of Akari and head to the guest room. Ai is in bed doing something on her phone. She looks surprised to see me.

"You're here? I thought you were just gonna stay with her."

I scoff as I get into the bed, "You really don't understand Akari's mom. She may not have seemed like it tonight. She is very strict and very scary. If she found out we did that…"

Ai laughs, "Okay. I guess it makes sense then."

After that we say our goodnights.

As I'm dozing off, I feel pretty good about what we achieved today. Carsten will be back, and Akari's parents approve of our relationship. When I set out this morning, those were the two things I was worried about, and they both turned out pretty well. I hope the rest of this visit is just as successful.

Chapter Text

The next morning, we saw Ai off at the train station. She had a very early train, but we aren't going to see her for several weeks, so we decided to go with her to say goodbye. Her family is in Hokkaido, so she has a long journey from Tokyo.

By the time we get back to Akari's, her parents are both gone. Apparently, they will be until the afternoon. We take advantage by snuggling in Akari's bed. We're in our usual position. Me on my back with an arm around her and her on her side with her arms around my waist.

"Is there anything you want to d-do while we're here?"

I haven't thought about that in a while with all the Carsten and Ai stuff, but there are two things I wanted to do.

"I think it would be nice to see Kaito and Daisuke and…I'd like to go to Saki's grave. My dad actually has some of his ashes and a gravestone here too."

Akari sits up and kisses me before smiling. "We'll d-definitely do those things."

"Anything you wanted to do?"

She looks at me with what I've come to realize are her bedroom eyes. They are quite effective. "Well there is one thing I r-really want to do right now." She slowly moves her hand down from my waist to my inner thigh, making me shiver in anticipation.

Ever since the first time we slept with each other (in the not so wholesome way), we've been quite active in the bedroom. Unless we're really tired, we usually do something before bed. It feels amazing but also makes us both feel even closer. I've certainly fallen more deeply in love with her as a result. We're both very emotional about sex which is nice. It's far more than just a physical act for both of us. Falling asleep together afterwards might just be my favorite feeling in the world.

Akari has a very robust sex drive. More of one than I have. And mine seems to be plenty healthy. She initiates things more often than I do but it never takes her long to get me in the mood. Normally what she's doing right now would be more than enough. But…I have my reservations given where we are. I better voice them while my mind is still clear enough to do so. If she moves her hand anymore, I don't think I'll remember my objections.

"Are you sure we should? feel like it would be…disrespecting your mom. She didn't want us to share a room for a reason, you know?"

Akari leaves her hand in place while she thinks for a moment. "W-well…my door has a lock. So even if they came home, we would have t-time to get dressed and stuff. They won't find out."

I laugh, "Yeah? What if they happen to come home when one of us is being loud. I mean we can muffle ourselves, but it only does so much. What then? And wouldn't they ask why the door was locked in the first place? Wouldn't both of us coming out of your room after the door was locked clue them in on everything?"

Akari sighs in frustration and retracts her hand, "Y-you're right."

I stroke her hair "You know I want to, right? I love doing that with you. It's just…the location."

She smiles, "I know. I guess w-we can make it a week."

I giggle, "Yes, I think we'll manage. Maybe it will make things even more exciting once we go back to Yamaku. Besides, we can still have lots of nice snuggles."

She puts her arms back around my waist and smiles, "That's t-true. Snuggles are the best anyway. They are…k-kinda how I fell in love with you."

I stroke her hair, "I think they were a big part of it for me too. Even if I took longer to figure it out. You always made me so…comforted, even in hard times. You helped me fall asleep so many times."

"Good. So, f-first thing on the agenda: snuggle nap."

I laugh, "Sounds good to me."

We've been in Tokyo for a few days now. We went to the university with her mom one day, and Akari showed me the small exhibit about Saki in their concert hall. She's not only the most notable music alumna of Yamaku, but also one of the most important music alumni of the University of Tokyo. Walking around the campus was nice too. It was where my dad and my aunt went to university and it's definitely a place I could end up too.

I've gotten to spend more time with Akari's mom and dad, and it's mostly gone quite well. I have a hard time around her mom sometimes because I genuinely fear her. But she's been quite nice to me…by her standards.

We're going over to Kaito and Daisuke's for dinner tonight. Turns out, they are a 7-minute walk from Akari's family home and it's on nice flat terrain so I can do it. Akari really likes walking because she was cooped up so much as a kid. She and Michi went for walks a lot and I know she enjoyed it. It is a little frustrating that I can't do it with her very often. So, I'm enjoying our little walk.

"This is it."

I look at the address on my phone and the one on the building.

"Yep, looks right. They are number 619."

Akari locates the right buzzer and pushes the button, Kaito responds.

"Yes, who is it?"

"Akari and Kayoko."

"Great, I buzzed you in. See you soon."

When we enter the building, we see it isn't exactly in the greatest condition. It is old and a little run-down. It could use a fresh coat of paint or five. I suppose it makes sense that this is a place students could afford. However, the state of the building has me a little worried about the elevator. Luckily, it seems to be functional, though I held my breath until we got off it.

We locate the right apartment and then I knock on the door. Daisuke opens it with a smile on his face. I immediately hug him a little more aggressively than someone with my condition should, but luckily, I don't pay the consequences.

Akari is a little timid of course, but she and Daisuke smile at each other before sharing a quick hug.

I look around and see a studio apartment. There's one big room that is simultaneously a bedroom, dining room and living room, and one bathroom. There is a full kitchen though, and I'm sure that was a requirement of the man who is currently busying himself in it. At first I think about just hugging Kaito, but then I realize that's a really bad idea, especially while he's cooking. So instead, I walk over and say, "Hi Kaito, can I hug you?"

He laughs, "Hello, Kayoko, of course you can." I hug him and Akari nervously says hello. I'm a bit surprised by this, but then I remember the two have only met on one or two occasions.

After the hug I see what Kaito is cooking. "You're using a wok? I figured we would be having some international cuisine tonight."

Daisuke laughs softly and Kaito crosses his arms and glares in his direction. "I'm doing quite well at culinary school in all the different types of cuisine…but I am not doing quite as well when it comes to Japanese cuisine. So…in making dinner for you tonight you could say I am studying. Daisuke, would you like me to laugh at you about the classes you have to study extra for?"

"No. You're right. Sorry Kaito."

It is kind of funny that he's not doing as well as the cuisine of the country he grew up in, but I guess he must not have spent nearly as much time on it as on everything else. Come to thing of it, I've eaten his cooking more than a half dozen times, and it was never Japanese food. Or even Asian.

"It's too bad my mom's not here. She would get an A+ in Japanese cuisine and could tutor you." I laugh softly, "She's…not so good at everything else. Kind of the opposite of you I guess."

Kaito laughs, "Well, I'm glad you'll have an A+ to compare to what I serve you. Having your review might prove quite helpful."

Akari asks "D-do you want any help, Kaito?"

"Thank you for the offer, but no. I need everything under my control or things can go a little wrong. I have everything exactly where I need it."

Akari nods and then makes a cute, embarrassed face when she realizes how futile it was. Then she says, "Okay."

Daisuke says, "Pretty nice your parents live so close."

"Yeah, it really is. It will be really easy to v-visit any time we're here."

Daisuke smiles at Akari and then looks at me. I feel like his eyes are saying, 'Oh, it's 'we' is it?'