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It was too loud. There was too much going on and Sirius did not care for it one bit. That wasn’t true, he needed the crowd. Crouched in a narrow alley between two buildings, he watched people passing the gap he’d slipped through, listening in on their conversations.

“-and she had tits like a fucking whore-” Sirius’s mouth soured as the men stumbled past, drunk by ten in the morning.

In a gap between people, he spied a young girl running around with a teddy bear, causing a smile to twitch on his lips.

“Annie!” A woman called, scooping the girl up into her arms before walking towards a stall selling fish. The harbour was a busy place to be on a Saturday morning, with enough people to disguise Sirius and keep him hidden from those searching for the young man.

Going back to eavesdropping, he clung to one voice, just loud enough for him to find it between the others.

“Oranges! Just like a shit tonne of oranges.” Only an idiot wouldn’t know what that meant. Someone wasn’t planning to be on land for some time. There was a boat leaving. Scrambling to his feet, he tuned into the man’s words and followed them. “You wouldn’t be happy if I had to get The Sea Wolf himself out here, would you?”

The Sea Wolf? Sirius smirked at how threatening this man thought those words were. But then he saw them, and the vendor’s eyes were wide with fear. The Sea Wolf. Pushing between people to get closer, Sirius found himself within feet of the conversation, busying himself with examining a pineapple on the stall side them.

“I can have them brought to the docks. When do you leave?” The vendor asked, scrambling for something to make a note of the order. For a moment, the sailor looked over to Sirius, catching him staring before turning back to the barrel he stood in front of. Sirius didn’t look away; he wanted this man to remember his face. The sailor was a little taller than him, with jet black hair and an enviable beard, his shoulders wide and he had clearly been in his fair share of fights, nose slightly twisted.

“An hour, The Kraken’s Mercy. Get them there within half an hour and our lovely Waterlily might give you a smile.” The sailor winked, taking one last look at Sirius with a frown before disappearing. Watching curiously, the young man turned the pineapple he was absently holding until it was snatched from him.

“Closed.” The vendor huffed, but Sirius was hardly in the market for exotic fruits and found his attention being pulled away. As he slowly stalked between bodies, something told him to turn around, to throw a chanceful glance over his shoulder, and he was met with a stinging whistle.

Lurching into action, Sirius shoved people out of the way, caring very little about injuring them as he attempted to put distance between himself and the Warden of the Guard. The deep voice drowned out the hushed murmurs around him as he jumped over a small wall onto the wooden slats of the docks, racing past small leisure boats and official vessels of the Navy until he spotted familiar words.

The Kraken’s Mercy.

Grabbing a stack of crates filled with tins, he pulled as he passed, sending them clattering over, spilling some into the water but more onto the dock where he had just been. A few seconds. This was all it gave him, but it was enough for the man he’d just been observing to look up from the gangplank and then to the scene behind him.

“Coming aboard?” He asked as Sirius reached the bottom, looking up to the bearded man and then back at the guards. They were only getting closer as he paused, so he began walking towards the sailor, following him up to the ship where he finally collapsed onto the floor, listening to the shouting below.

“Fugitive!” They bellowed, but all Sirius did was laugh, looking up at the man who had helped him. His chest was heaving from running, lungs trying to catch up with the fact he had stopped. The sailor crouched down beside him, taking in his appearance, it was clear Sirius hadn’t washed in a couple of days and was in desperate need of some food and something to drink.

With pleading eyes, Sirius looked up at him, slowly shaking his head until the dark-haired sailor turned back to look down at the docks.

“Sorry boys, no fugitives here.” He shouted, shrugging with a nonchalance that Sirius could only wish for, letting out a laugh of relief as the man crouched beside him. “Saw you looking earlier, what’s your damage?”

“Pardon?” Sirius furrowed his brow, sitting up against the side of the ship and bending his knees.

“What’s going on with you, kid? You’re on the run from the law, you’re on my Captain’s ship and I don’t even know your name.” Sirius scrambled to his feet, but the sailor shoved him back to the ground, looking to the docks before scowling back at Sirius.

“You invited me on?”

“Did I?” He stood to his full height, towering over Sirius, who was on his back, shooting a glare up at the sailor before kicking his leg out. This was a game; he knew it was, it had to be. A test to see if Sirius was some pushover kid or if he had sea legs worth keeping aboard. Either that or he had a few screws loose. If Sirius believed in a god, he would pray for the former.

“Yes!” Sirius hissed. Suddenly, fingers wrapped around his ankle, yanking him closer as the sailor leaned over him.

“Hey, guys? Did I invite this guy on the ship?” A few people turned but paid no mind to them.

“Stop playing with the man, Potter.” A voice shouted, and Sirius’s head twisted to the left to see a woman standing at a door across the deck. His shoulders sagged in relief as she smiled at him. The Sea Wolf. She had to be. Men parted around her as she moved forward, slow steps commanding attention until she reached the pair, crouching down and cocking her head to one side.

There was something about her that made Sirius smile, the gentleness in her green eyes and the way she moved her auburn hair from her face, attention still on him as he lifted to his elbows. Her face was dotted with freckles and her smile showed good teeth. She looked after herself well, she was no selkie wife brought aboard for pleasure, spending hours on her back. This was someone to have on his side.

“He did invite me on, I swear.” Sirius stuttered, watching her turn her head up towards the sailor who was still standing over them.

“Come on, Waterlily, I was only having fun.” He shrugged his shoulders and gave a playful smile that she didn’t buy for a minute, rolling her eyes.

“You’re a real prick, Potter.” She looked the man, Potter, up and down before standing back up and offering Sirius a hand. He took it, noticing the rough but clean palm, and callouses at the base of each finger, most likely from hauling ropes.

This wasn’t The Sea Wolf, she wasn't captain at all. He’d heard Potter say the name Waterlily before when talking to the vendor about the oranges. Not the captain, but still known. Her smile was clearly worth a lot if it was a bargaining chip. He’d got one for free.

“I’m Sirius, miss.” He still clung to her hand as he got to her feet, lingering until she pulled it away. He watched her face change, examining the state of his clothes, the well-made shirt now smudged with grime, his boots scuffed, and his trousers muddied from sitting on the floor in countless alleyways.

“Sirius. Hm.” She let go of his hand, turning away and leaving him with Potter. He didn’t fancy being left alone with him, so went to follow her but found a hand clamped on his shoulder.

“Don’t bother. Evans doesn’t entertain the likes of you.” It was said with fondness, but Sirius understood those words. Until he had a purpose for being on the ship, she was too busy for a street urchin like him.

“A job. I need a job.” Sirius called out, and Evans stopped, not turning, but she had stopped.

“I’m not in the market for handing out jobs.” She threw over her shoulder and was about to carry on walking when Sirius pulled from Potter’s grasp.

“I’ll scrub the decks. I’m clearly not precious about my appearance and I fucking stink. And I don’t need a bunk, I’m actually quite good at sleeping on the ground.” This gave her something to think about, tapping her foot on the deck before spinning.

“Sirius is an odd name. What’s your last name?” She asked, crossing her arms, and running her tongue across the front of her teeth.

“Black.”

“Black, fantastic, come with me. Potter don’t overstep again. And make sure those oranges arrive.” Evans pointed at Potter, raising an eyebrow in warning before grabbing Sirius by the arm and yanking him to the open hatch down into the belly of the ship.

“Where are we going?” Sirius asked as Evans placed a hand between his shoulder blades and gave a light shove.

“We’re off to see Pete, he’ll think of something to do with you.” There was something reassuring about the tone of her voice as they disappeared below deck, out of sight of the other sailors.

Below the top deck, it was easier to hear the groaning of the ship, the gentle rocking, and the sound of water lapping against the sides reminding Sirius of how little time he had spent at sea. Precisely none. There were tables and benches set up in the space immediately below the top deck and Lily sat down, nodding to the space opposite. Cautiously, Sirius sat down, looking around at the few men around them, wondering which was Pete.

“So, what’s a dandy like you doing on a ship like this?” She smirked, making Sirius’s attention snap to her. There was a knife in her hand, turning it about as she studied the sharp blade. Sirius gulped.

“Pardon?”

“Come off it, you’re no seaman, lad. That shirt looks in good nick and I doubt the guards are after you because you stole it, and your boots are too nice to have been on a voyage. Your hands haven’t seen a day’s work, and your hair is still all in your head. Good skin, all your teeth, you talk like a toff. Want me to carry on?”

“No, I think that covers it…I just want to get out of this place.” Sirius wasn’t quite ready to talk about why he was running from the guard, but Evans had shown him kindness, so he didn’t feel like lying.

“Family?” She stuck the tip of the knife into the table and began spinning it, glancing up at Sirius with inquisitive eyes. While her actions weren’t meant to be threatening, Sirius was glad she couldn’t see how tightly his hands were gripping the bench.

“Something like that.” He shrugged, looking away to the porthole and then up as he heard voices above them, one of them being the fruit vendor. The oranges were here, Potter might just survive the Waterlily.

“Say no more, got a sister I quite liked seeing the back of,” Evans smirked before leaning over to the side and whistling. “Pete, over ‘ere.”

When Sirius twisted about to see who stood up, he noticed a man with shaggy blond hair on the far table get to his feet and make his way over, eyes on the new meat. He sat on the table, feet on the bench, and looked at Sirius for too long.

“What can I do for the lovely Waterlily?” Pete wasn’t talking to her like Potter did, there was a long-running familiarity, his words sincere.

“This one needs a job, what you got?” Evans waved the knife towards Sirius, who was determined to remain unphased but ultimately was betrayed by the widening of his eyes, making her laugh.

“Deckhand.” Pete took a bit from some break and Sirius looked between the two as Evans turned fully to look at Pete. Her fiery hair almost seemed to come alive for a moment, shifting about her face like the tentacles of the Kraken, a life of its own.

“Nothing else?” She asked, glancing over to Sirius. He’d made it clear that he would do the dirty work, but Evans remained unconvinced.

“Deckhand or get off the ship.” Pete stood up, taking one look at Sirius, and letting out a huff of a laugh.

“Anchor up!” A voice echoed and Sirius turned his head up with wide eyes. They were leaving already; it hadn’t even been an hour.

“Deckhand or you’re swimming back to port.” Pete laughed louder now, and Sirius nodded slightly, turning his attention back to Evans. Not fancying going back to the place where he was being hunted like prey, Sirius supposed he had no choice. He was on the ship. Evans pushed up from the bench to head back up to the top deck now they were getting ready to leave.

“What kind of ship is this?” Sirius asked, getting to his feet as Evans moved away from him.

“Oh, bless. Maybe it is best if I don’t tell you and you find out yourself.” She slapped a hand lightly on his cheek before emerging back up top, her demeanour shifting as she began shouting orders. Sails were hoisted and Sirius could hear the clattering of the anchor chair winding. This was real. This was Sirius’s life for however long he stayed aboard.

~~~

It hadn’t occurred to Sirius to be concerned about not meeting this famed Sea Wolf. In fact, he didn’t even realise this had been the case until he’d been there for a week. Routine fell into place quickly, and there wasn’t much time to sit around idle when you had to scrub decks and there was no help. Turns out sailors were messier than he anticipated.

Before sunrise, Sirius would normally be woken by whoever was working the ship overnight, keeping watch from the crows next up the mast. He’d wash from a small basin and then start work, washing away anything the sea threw up onto the deck in the night, washing away the salt that ate into the wood, maintaining the finish and ensuring things that shifted in the night from the rocking of the ship were back in their places. The sun would rise in this time and that meant breakfast.

It was a busy half hour, the worst part of Sirius’s day. After already working for a couple of hours, he’d have to fight for a seat to force less-than-desirable food down his throat. There was no official cook on the ship, the responsibility was taken on by any willing man with two hands, counting out two shipmates. If he was lucky, someone would save Sirius somewhere to sit, usually Potter who surprisingly turned out to be less of a tosser than he first seemed.

“Alright, Black? How’s the water looking?” He’d ask when Sirius sat down, pushing a bowl of what looked like porridge towards him. It wasn’t porridge, Sirius didn’t fancy asking what it was as he scooped the lumpy sludge up with a spoon.

“Rough. Starting to understand why there was no deckhand, I wouldn’t like doing this job for too long.” Sirius groaned, losing his appetite as soon as the ‘food’ was in his mouth.

There was an uncomfortable silence, Sirius noting the way Potter’s eyebrows flicked up for a second as he pushed the last spoonful of food around his bowl. He frowned at the man opposite him, looking around but not meeting anyone’s eyes.

“He didn’t leave, did he?” Setting down his spoon, Sirius leaned in as if it wasn’t obvious from his face what he was asking about.

“No, he went overboard.” It struck him suddenly that this life may not be all it’s cracked up to be. Sure, he was tired at the end of each day and slept at least six hours, but this wasn’t something he expected. Were the dangers worth getting out of that rotting port town? Falling overboard happens, Sirius knew this, and with his job starting so early in the morning he supposed it could easily happen and nobody would notice for hours if the watchmen were facing the wrong way and didn’t hear him hit the water. If Sirius fell, he’d never survive.

“He fell?” Sirius gulped, watching as Potter glanced up at him. While he had seemed so much older than Sirius’s twenty-four years when he first came aboard, in reality, he was only a year his senior at most. Now Sirius saw his face relatively close up multiple times a day, he could see the familiar lost look in his eyes when he was left too long to his thoughts, one he knew he carried himself.

“Word is…The Sea Wolf dealt with him.” Potter muttered under his breath. Sirius suddenly sat up straight, looking to the man who sat next to him, then back to Potter. As he did so, he caught Evans’ eye across the room, and he could tell by the subtle change in her eyes that she figured out what he’d just been told.

“Fuck.” He went to stand up but decided against it. Then he picked his spoon up and remembered how utterly disinterested he was in the food and put it back down, shoving his hands under his lap.

“It would do you good to never mention it again, Black.” Potter shovelled the last bit of his porridge into Sirius’s bowl. “By the way, if Evans comes over, tell her that she’s really made you feel at home. If you’re lucky, she’ll give you an extra break later.” With that, Potter stood up and left, heading up to the top deck and leaving Sirius to sit with his thoughts.

Moments later, Evans sat herself down where Potter had been and gave Sirius a look of sympathy, biting her bottom lip.

“Chin up, Black.” She tapped his chin with a curled knuckle, “You have less of a gob than that little shite did.” She smiled just enough that Sirius’s shoulders drooped, and he turned his attention down to his food.

“What was his name?” He asked, trying to force-feed himself to keep up his strength. She hesitated, watching Sirius for a couple of seconds before answering. Evans understood in her own way. She was the only woman on the ship so felt this pressure to keep up with the men around her, to show that she was worthy of being right-hand to The Sea Wolf, so she kept up a façade that these things didn’t affect her, that she was hard as a rock. But she could see something in Sirius, a dampened flame that reminded Evans of herself before she arrived on the ship. When she’d first heard about the last deckhand, she’d simply turned around and walked away. Nobody saw her for an hour.

“Barty. Right prick he was as well. Probably deserved it, Captain’s a fair man.” She explained, and Sirius nodded slowly. If that was true, then he should be okay. Keep quiet, keep to himself, stay in Evans and Potter’s good books, and do his work. He’d be safe if he did that.

“Then why does he never come out?” Sirius chanced, and Evans smiled enough for Sirius to narrow his eyes at her.

“Half of the crew don’t see him more often than once a month, don’t think too much of it.” She ruffled his loose curls, reminding him to tie his hair back before he went back to his duties.

“Oh. Thanks, Evans.” He smiled back, “Sometimes I guess I feel a bit lost around here. You just really-”

“Make you feel at home? Help you adjust to the big change? James has been teaching you his ways, huh.” Sirius’s mouth hung agape for a moment, snapping it shut after a second and letting out an uneasy laugh, joined by Evans. It was odd, hearing Potter be referred to by his first name, but he supposed there were probably at least three men called some variation of James on the ship.

“I think he feels bad about the first day.” Sirius rolled his shoulders, trying to work himself up to have another mouthful of gruel, Evans smirking as she watched.

“Don’t worry, I made sure he was properly punished.” She winked, “It’s Lily, by the way.” She got up from her seat, leaving her bowl on top of James’s at the end of the bench and ruffled his hair as she walked past, Sirius swatting her hand away with a scowl.

Lily. Like a waterlily. That made sense now.

“You’re a pissing twat, you know that right?” Sirius prodded Potter’s chest when he next saw him, James feigning hurt as Sirius tried to disguise the smile on his face.

“What have I done to deserve that?” James propped himself against the large coil of rope on deck, jumping as it shifted under his weight before scowling.

“She figured out whatever was going on, the sweet-talking you were setting me up for.” Sirius dipped his hand in the dirty water, flicking it at James who quickly scrambled out of the way with a wide grin.

“Oh, that.” He stood on the other side of the role coil, ready to run at Sirius’s next move.

“Yeah, said she punished you or something for messing me about that first day too.”

“She loves me.” Sirius had known James for a week, but something about living with a person on a ship where your only other option was jumping overboard, you learned people’s idiosyncrasies, the way they looked at others, spoke to others as well as spoke of them. James was definitely smitten with Lily, he watched her walk by like she was the first land mass he’d seen after years at sea, and Lily barely looked at him at all. In fact, she would often mutter insults under her breath at the sound of his voice. Instead of saying anything, Sirius just rolled his eyes and flicked more water at James, making him go away.

While it seemed his attempt at flattering Lily had failed, that night when he went to bed, he found an orange under his pillow and a piece of paper with a little drawing of a flower on it. Lily. He smiled to himself and stashed it away to eat alone in the morning when the sun was rising.

~~~

Nights passed, and as Sirius adjusted to this life, he found his body less exhausted by the end of the day and as he neared the three-week mark, he had his first sleepless night. He lay on his bunk, James sound asleep above him, and he stared at the porthole he could see if he craned his neck just right. The water was still, and if he got the angle right, he could see the moon, but it hurt his neck to do so. His tossing and turning had already woke up Pete on the next bunk over, as well as one of the men across the way. It was nights like that when he envied Lily’s private room.

Eventually, Sirius found it was time to give up and slipped away from the bunks to go up to the top deck. Carefully, foregoing his boots, he crept past Lily’s room and through the mess to the steps, pushing open the hatch doors slowly. When he poked his head out, he could see there was no one up in the crow’s nest, so he looked around for the watchman before his eyes landed on him.

A man stood, leaning against the side of the ship, face turned up to the sky. He was tall, Sirius could tell that already, and in his left hand he gripped a cane. He wore nothing fancy, dressed in a loose white shirt and some dark-coloured trousers, boots planted shoulder width apart. His hair, from what Sirius could tell in the dim moonlight, was sandy, tousled with the salt air. Sirius didn’t want to disrupt his thoughts, clearly deep in them by the fact he didn’t react to the creaking of Sirius on the stairs. As he decided to slink back to bed, his head turned.

“I don’t bite.” The man said, his face giving away nothing as he looked Sirius in the eye. He could see now, scars scattered across his face, over his forearms where the sleeves of his shirt were pushed up. Slowly, Sirius approached, looking down to see a hand extended for him to shake.

“Sirius Black.” He introduced himself, shaking the man’s hand.

“Remus Lupin, The Sea Wolf.” Something seized hold of Sirius, freezing him on the spot before snapping back into motion, going to pull away his hand before the grip on it tightened. Lupin turned his hand over, facing it up and studying Sirius’s palm.

“Captain Lupin, Sea Wolf, sir.” Sirius cast a glance down at their hands, trying to figure out what the captain was looking for when he heard a huff of amusement.

“Remus is just fine. What do you do on this ship, Sirius?” He asked, turning the hand back over and honing his attention to Sirius’s middle finger on his right hand.

“I scrub, I clean, I make sure there is plenty of fresh water, that things aren’t disgusting.” There was a tension in Remus’s body for a second, his jaw clenching.

“You’re a deckhand.” He ran his thumb over one of the knuckles of the finger and tutted.

“Yes, sir. Remus. Sorry.” Trying to withdraw his hand again, he found Remus more willing to let go, Sirius dropping his arm back to his side.

“You’re an educated man, are you not? Where did you study?” Sirius found himself taken aback by the question. He was certainly talking less like a ‘toff’ as Lily had called him, but he also knew he wasn’t like Potter or Pete.

“Oxford. Studied Law there but left all that behind and got on at the last port.” Sirius answered, looking up at Remus, and taking a better look at his face.

There were two larger scars on his face, one running diagonally across his face from brown to jaw, then another cutting down his bottom lip and chin. Neither of them, however, detracted from how obviously beautiful the man was. Didn’t need to study at Oxford to know that.

“And what’s an Oxford man doing on a pirate ship?” Sirius supposed he should be more shocked. A pirate ship.

“Of course, it is. Makes sense I’d be here then since I got chased through the docks by the Warden of the Guard.” The corner of Sirius’s mouth quirked up, looking over to the spot where he’d lay on his back hiding, James teasing him before Lily came to his rescue.

“Ah, a criminal law student. The irony. What’s your crime, then?” The smile disappeared, Sirius dropping the amusement from his face as he shook his head, kissing his teeth.

“I’d rather keep that to myself if it’s the same to you.” Muttered Sirius, waiting for an insistence. A Captain should want to know, gathering information on his men. Though he supposed it was different for pirates, criminality was probably a requirement, the chase giving James the idea to get him on board the ship in the first place.

Sirius had brought shame onto the Black family at Oxford. He’d spent years paying people off for keeping his secrets until he paid the wrong person too little, and they went straight to the papers. Eldest son of Orion Black, Heir to the family fortune, disgraced criminal, and sodomite. Punishable by death. Not that he would ever admit to it. Of all crimes, it felt the most pathetic, perhaps the most shameful, unlawfully homosexual awaiting hanging with murderers, arsonists, and thieves. Though he supposed piracy was now on the list, depending on how it was defined. Was he a pirate? Surely not.

“Tomorrow morning, at dawn, be in my quarters ready for work.” Taking a second more to study Sirius’s face, Lupin turned away from him and headed towards the door to his quarters.

“I’m supposed to be scrubbing the deck at dawn, sir,” Sirius called out, watching him walk away. At the last second, the captain turned around with a wicked grin that made Sirius glad he was leaning against a barrel.

“Disobeying captain’s orders? Some would say the consequences of that are just as bad as whatever you are running from, perhaps far worse.” His smirk disappeared into the darkness and Sirius was left alone on the top deck, watching the moon’s reflection shift in the waves, listening to water on wood and the groaning of the ship. How had a nobleman’s son, a law student at Oxford, fallen so far and yet felt happiness beyond anything he’d known?

~~~

When Sirius knocked on the door to the captain’s quarters the next morning, still concerned it was all one big joke and he’d immediately be shooed back up to the top deck with a bucket and a brush, he was surprised to hear Lupin’s voice beckoning him inside. Creaking open the door, Sirius saw Remus leaning on the edge of a desk and First Mate Evans stood at a table, map weighed down on its surface.

“Ah, Sirius, you chose wisely.” Remus let his lips curve ever so slightly before looking over to Lily, “I suppose you’ll be needing to whip my men into shape if we’re going to stay on schedule but go and enjoy breakfast first.”

Lily smirked, giving Sirius a look of confusion as she passed before heading up the stops to the top deck, where voices were already emerging from the depths of the ship. Sirius closed the door, standing in the corner of the room as Remus looked him up and down before waving him over.

“Thank you for coming, I was really hoping someone as intelligent as you would find me eventually. An Oxford man, however, well…I only dreamed of being so lucky.” Remus pushed off the edge of his desk, skirting around it to sit in the chair and sifting leafing through an open book.

“What is this about, sir?” Sirius stepped further into the room, watching how quick Remus was with his hands, scanning each page as he flicked through until he came across the one that he’d been looking for.

“I told you, it’s Remus. I’m in need of a cabin boy, an apprentice as such, to take some of the weight off Lily and James. Most of my men cannot read or write, and those who can already have jobs that need such skills. But you…you are far too qualified to be a deckhand, we’ll find someone else to do those duties. I’ll send Pete out at the next port town to find someone.” Sirius nodded along, sitting in an empty chair, and watching as Remus turned the book around and pushed it towards Sirius. As he picked it up, he noticed it was a journal kept by someone with impeccable handwriting.

“Is this from your last cabin boy?” He asked, turning the page to read the rest of the passage. It was an account of what seemed like a particularly bad day. There had been an attack on the ship, the last captain murdered by the perpetrators and the first mate ended up with a broken femur. Despite this, they came out the better crew.

“Cabin girl. I inherited Lily from the last captain of this ship, kept her on and then promoted her to my first mate. James was deckhand back then and he’d worked his way up the ranks to quartermaster. The three of us have taken on responsibilities a cabin boy would normally fulfil.” For a second, Sirius just looked at Remus before his eyes widened.

“Your leg.” He muttered.

“Yes, never fully healed. We don’t have a surgeon onboard, so it wasn’t properly set. We were close to hacking it off if my fever didn’t break in the night, but I was sitting up by the morning. Now I’m stuck with this cane.” Sirius’s eyes shifted over to where Remus’s hand rested on the top of the walking aid, finally able to see the design carved into it, making it look like a twisted length of rope.

Easing himself up from his hair, Remus crossed the room, Sirius twisting in his chair to watch, and retrieved a metal pot. Making his way back over, he stopped beside Sirius and pressed it into the palm of his hand.

“Your hands are your tool now, take good care of them. You have a lot of dryness, to be expected from your last job, this should help with that. Wouldn’t want such pretty hands to be ruined now, would we?” With a smile, he hobbled over to the map, leaving Sirius to swallow his objection to the compliment, furrowing his brow in confusion. It took him a moment to get up and follow Remus, mind still going over what he’d just said. His hands were pretty?

Much of the day was spent going through what Sirius’s duties were, Remus started with the map and what each piece meant. They went through accounts kept of each port, what was bought and who they interacted with. Anyone trustworthy was written down so they knew they were reliable for the next time they passed through and the same for anyone to avoid.

The more time Sirius spent with Remus, the harder it was to believe that this was The Sea Wolf, feared by the crew and men at every port. His name was nothing less than a threat to invoke fear. Yet Remus was nothing like him, bearing no resemblance to the dreaded captain of The Kraken’s Mercy, as he told Sirius about his experiences on the boat, starting as a cabin boy himself straight out of school. At twenty-seven, he’d spent nearly fifteen years on the same ship, yet Sirius had noticed his rough exterior showed it more than his demeanour.

After lunch, Sirius was flipping through more of Lily’s accounts as a cabin girl. The attitudes towards her as a woman were disgusting, calling her a witch and a whore for simply being a damn sight braver than anyone else on the ship, perhaps even Remus himself. When he glanced over to the captain, he saw him in his chair, now turned to face the window at the stern of the ship, one leg crossed over the other as he leaned back in his chair and looked out to the sea. Sirius had tired of the journal, placing it down and looking around before spotting some books on a single shelf amongst the cubby holes where scrolls of parchment and maps were kept. Quietly, not wanting to disrupt Remus’s thoughts, he went over and pulled a book from the shelf.

“I see you’ve found my pathetic excuse of a library.” Remus was looking over at him, a warm smile on his face, his voice making Sirius jump and almost drop the book.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be so nosy. My father always said it was a terrible habit of mine, snooping.” Sirius went to put the book back, but Remus raised a hand, shaking his head.

“It is no invasion of privacy to be curious, Sirius, you may borrow one whenever you please.” It was a kindness Sirius should know to expect by now but still found himself surprised by. Remus couldn’t help but surprise him.

“Oh, thank you, but while I can read, I tend not to unless I must. I find most books bore me and I never have the patience to finish anything.” He put the book back and returned to his seat where he picked up the journal again, opening it just to stare at the page mindlessly.

“I need the whimsy of books, myself. Spending so long at sea leaves very little time for exploring the land and sometimes pretending I’m not on this ship at all is much preferred.” This was something Sirius could understand, and he’d been on The Kraken’s Mercy a fraction of the time Captain Lupin had. As he turned his attention back down to the journal, he didn’t notice Remus pick up a book from his desk, open it, and begin reading aloud.

It was poetry that The Sea Wolf had decided to recite, noting the pause in Sirius’s finger as it traced the lines he read, watching as he glanced up at Remus before diverting his gaze away from him once he recognised that he’d been caught. The was a ghost of a smile on Sirius’s lips as he settled into his chair, only half paying attention to what he was reading, the rest of him listening to Remus’s voice, the lilt of an accent Sirius didn’t recognise emphasising words Sirius had never have thought to pay attention to.

Later that night with most of the crew at around the tables in the mess area, drinking ale and singing together with Lily’s lead, Sirius slipped away to find somewhere quieter. On the deck, he could see the light in Remus’s quarters was on but dim, and Sirius was knocking on the door before he could even think twice about it.

“Lily, just walk in for Christ’s sake. How many times-” Remus opened the door and looked down to see Sirius, jacket unbuttoned and a flushed glow to his cheeks from having spent an hour crammed between other men, drinking and chanting words he barely knew.

“Hi. Not Lily, sorry.” The corner of his mouth twitched up as Remus leaned against the door frame for balance sans cane.

“Never apologise for not being Lily, she scares me sometimes.” The pair just looked at each other, Remus waiting for Sirius to say something but there wasn’t a thought in his head. Sirius had no idea why he’d knocked; he hadn’t needed anything from Remus.

“I changed my mind about the book thing. I think I would like to borrow one, if you don’t mind, that is.” For a moment, it was like Remus hadn’t heard him, still just looking at Sirius in silence before pushing off the frame and going over to the small collection, picking up a blue book and hobbling back with the support of furniture.

“This one, I think you’ll like it. If you haven’t already read it, I mean.” Sirius took the book in his hands, studying the cover before shaking his head.

“Thank you.” He tilted his head back up, catching Remus’s gaze and holding it for a second longer than he normally would. “I’ll be going now, didn’t mean to disturb your evening. Good night, Remus.”

“It was no disturbance at all, good night.” Remus watched Sirius walk back a few steps before the cabin boy turned and jogged up the steps and walked away. Sirius glanced over his shoulder before disappearing down into the ship, spying The Sea Wolf’s eyes on him still until he could no longer see him. While he still had the bunks to himself, he lit a lamp and sat down on his bed, opening the book up to the first page.

It took some time to reel in his thoughts, his mind still tied to the feeling of Remus’s hands on his just the night before, the sound of his voice telling Sirius he was glad to see him. He couldn’t do this. It had been months since he’d gotten that feeling, that tugging inside him when he wanted someone, but this was the Captain, The Sea Wolf himself. Sirius rubbed his eyes and tried to focus on Don Quixote but couldn’t get the man out of his head. If he wasn’t careful, Sirius was going to get himself in trouble.

Chapter Text

It was the fifth attack in the last month, the third that the crew had led, and Sirius was currently sitting in his bunk with a book he’d borrowed from Remus the day before. It wasn’t the most secure hiding place, though he had managed to barricade the door with a couple of chairs, but in Sirius’s defence Lily had just told him to “fuck off somewhere else” and Remus wasn’t in a particularly social mood as he prepared to board the other ship.

The sun was setting, Sirius could see it through the porthole, and his stomach ached with hunger, but it was a pain he was used to. He’d skipped lunch that day, which happened when he was engrossed in work, and the current events meant dinner was obviously not on the cards for some time. So, Sirius sat on his bunk with Remus’s book and read, making his way through an orange Lily had stuffed under his pillow at some point.

By the time they were back, he was positive his stomach must be trying to digest itself he was that hungry. He lay on his back, trying to get some sleep, James snoring above him, but eventually decided to try his own personal raid in the galley.

There was little of interest to be found, which Sirius expected seeing as meals were less than exciting and they were still a week out from their next stop at a port to stock up, those first few days were filled with treats and delicacies from wherever they were. Remus had promised that some books could also be acquired when ashore. He found a bread loaf left over from during the day and tore a chunk off, decided to go and stand on the top deck to get some fresh air.

When he finally felt the breeze whipping through his hair, let loose for the first time in weeks, Sirius realised he wasn’t alone. Lying on the deck, legs sprawled out with hands behind his head, was the captain of the ship, once again staring up at the stars. With a smirk, Sirius walked over and sat himself down beside him before flopping onto his back, knees bent with his chunk of bread balanced on his stomach.

“Why is it that I keep running into you out here at night?” Sirius smiled, turning his head towards Remus. There was enough space between them that Sirius would have to fully extend his arm to reach Remus, but it still somehow felt oddly intimate.

“Maybe because I’m only ever really out here at night.” Remus turned his head to face the stars again, his eyes shifting as the boat rocked slightly.

“I’ve noticed. Why is that if you don’t mind me asking?” Sirius stuffed some bread into his mouth to fill the growing hole inside him. He listened as Remus took a long breath, blowing it out loudly with a nervous laugh.

“I think the answer I’m supposed it give is that I feel too out in the open during the day, like anyone can see that I stumble and limp if I don’t have my cane. But also, I just love the night sky, and the moon and stars. The way they reflect on the water. It’s calming.” While the second part was a perfectly valid answer, something in Sirius appreciated the first part too. He didn’t know why, as he spent most of his days watching Remus hobbling around his quarters and passing him his cane when he left it on the other side of the room.

“I suppose they are nice, all the way up there.” He agreed, before taking a deep breath and probing further, “It must be a lonely life hiding yourself away, surely?” There was a pause, the type where you couldn’t help but want to fill it. Sirius, however, did not, he didn’t want to dissuade Remus from answering by interrupting his thoughts.

“Not so much anymore.” Sirius’s breath hitched, his head turning so fast that it should have caused a neck injury. Remus was still looking up at the stars, but there was a particular smile on his face that Sirius had yet to see during the day, reserved only for these interactions on the deck during the night. Deciding not to stay anything, scared he’d misinterpreted something, Sirius instead ate the last of his bread whilst looking up into the sky.

“You see that constellation right there? The dog, do you see it?” Remus asked, but Sirius wasn’t as good at stars. He knew some, but none were a dog.

“No, sorry.” He shrugged his shoulders slightly and heard Remus let out a low laugh. Sirius hated how much he liked it, made him feel sick.

“Stop apologizing.” Remus shuffled closer, their shoulders now almost touching, and he pointed up to one portion of the sky, “There, see it? The head is pointing this way.”

Sirius could see it now, just about managing to map out the different stars in his mind that made it up and connecting them to make the shape of a dog.

“What’s it called?” He asked, his voice hushed as if speaking too loud might make Remus move away. Everything inside him was screaming, telling him how disgusting and wrong this all was. But fuck did he want to just lie there forever with him.

“Canis Major. And that star where the neck connects to the body, the brightest one, is called Sirius.” Sirius gulped, swallowing down the rising shame.

“Oh.” Was all Sirius could say, his body going rigid.

“It was always my favourite constellation, Canis Major, but I think I like it even more now.” This time, when Sirius turned his head, Remus was already looking at him. He’d forgotten just how close they were. In fact, it was probably the closest they’d even been before. Even in Remus’s quarters, they seemed like polar opposite magnets repelling each other, staying apart as they skirted around each other. But now, all Sirius wanted was to be close to him.

Close enough that he could…

Sirius’s lips parted slightly, noticing Remus watch for a second before leaning across and kissing him. It was gentle, soft, almost a question more than a taking. Asking if this was okay, if Sirius minded or even reciprocated those urges.

It took a second for Sirius to even register what was happening, and then he pulled away, his heart beating too fast to keep up with it all. For a moment, he just wanted to look at him, to take in the flushed cheeks peppered with freckles and scars, the eyes he’d not spent nearly enough time looking at. He noticed the nauseating self-loathing of his wanting had gone, and Sirius could imagine himself kissing Remus again. He wanted to.

“Shit, I’m sorry. That was stupid of me, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m your captain.” Remus’s eyes widened, sitting up and running his hands through his hair before shifting himself into a position to stand up using his good leg.

“No, Remus-” It was okay. He wanted to tell Remus that it was okay, that he didn’t mind that he was his captain, that he’d wanted it. He wanted him.

“I’m really sorry, I’m going to go.” Remus closed his eyes, jaw tightly clenched, before turning to where his cane was propped up. He grabbed it and walked as quickly as possible away from Sirius before he could object.

Sirius wanted Remus to come back. To smile like he had only minutes ago and kiss him again, to say he wanted Sirius and that kissing him was no mistake. That it meant as much to him as any kiss should. That no laws would stop him. But he didn’t. And Sirius had waited all night, watching the sun come up as some poor seaman scrubbed the deck as he went down for breakfast.

~~~

They were sitting at dinner when it started. The waters had been rough all day, the pristine blue now dark and grey, setting Sirius on edge. He was about to bite into a chunk of potato when he lurched forward as the boat swayed to one side. James, across from him, almost fell back off the bench, looking up at Sirius with wide eyes.

“We were meant to miss her; we were supposed to be in port when she hit.” He scrambled to his feet, helped by Peter, and they raced for the steps up to the top deck. Sirius sat, dazed, before Lily passed him too. He couldn’t just sit and do nothing, so followed them up to see what he could do to help.

When Sirius reached the top deck, all sense of calm was up in the air, Lily barking out orders as she pushed between men, her hair already wet with salt water, whipping around her. Water came over the side of the ship, soaking Sirius as he searched for something to do, looking for James and Peter to help them. The ship was beginning to turn, easing the stern into the waves to take the hits instead of the side.

“Sirius, what the fuck are you doing?” James grabbed his shoulders, trying to shove him out of the way. “Get down into the ship. There should still be some down there.” James turned, grabbed hold of a rope and began pulling on it, trying to heave the jib sails windward.

When Sirius looked up, he could see the rolling black clouds about them, illuminated with the cracks of lightning splintering across the sky. Refusing to cower in the belly of a ship, Sirius took hold of the rope behind James to help.

“Black! Get out of here, get down into the mess and start securing things so they don’t fall. Close all the doors and hatches!” Lily was now at his side, shouting at him with a terrifying look in his eyes. He understood now what Remus had meant those weeks ago when he said Lily could scare him.

“I want to help up here.” He shouted over the noise of the waves crashing into them, the thunder rumbling above them. The wind was howling as the door to the Captain’s quarters swung open and Remus stood in the space. Sirius watched him from the bow of the ship as he saw The Sea Wolf for the first time. He’d stripped himself of anything heavy, leaving him in shirt and trousers, and he had forgone his cane, which would have been no help. Instead of holding onto anything around him, it was like adrenaline burned through the pain of his leg and he strode across the deck, people moving out of his way.

“Don’t be fucking stupid, it’s too risky up here for someone like you with no experience.” Lily was screaming at him, but Sirius was barely paying attention, watching Remus help the men around him, holding ropes for them as they adjusted their grips, moving barrels out of the way so they could be rolled down into the ship, so they weren’t lost to the sea. The foremast groaned above Sirius, reminding him of his task.

“If I’m going to fucking die in a storm, I’ll do it properly.” He turned to Lily, his heart racing in fear. He knew that if he went overboard, he was gone, but at least he wouldn’t sink with the ship.

“No, you fucking won’t.” Remus was there behind him, pushing him away from the rope and taking the force of the resistance from him and James. “Take in the sail!” He shouted at Lily and James, reminding them of their duties before they scrambled off to the rest of the crew, distributing the order.

“Let me help you!” Sirius tried to take some of the rope from Remus, to help him while he must be in an incredible amount of pain. Instead, his wrists were grabbed in a hand and Remus shook his head.

“I need you to keep those precious hands safe for me, not torn up and ruined with rope burn like mine. Can you do that for me?” All Sirius could do was blink for a few seconds before Remus grunted, letting go of him to use both hands on the rope, hissing as it slipped through his fingers a few inches.

“Remus!” Once again, Sirius reached to help, but instead of being restrained, he was met with Remus’s eyes looking at him.

“Please. I care too much to see you out here.” It wasn’t just a demand; it was a request. Remus knew he couldn’t force Sirius into anything and didn’t want to use threats against someone he trusted. “You’re a distraction. I need to focus.” That was enough for Sirius, nodding and turning to leave, running down the stairs from the forecastle and down to the main deck. He opened one of the hatches and ducked down inside, taking one last look.

Remus stood at the bow of the ship, soaked from head to toe, hauling the rope to keep control of the sails. His shirt clung to his body, quivering, and he was obviously favouring his good leg more than usual. Catching his eye once more, Remus gave a single nod and Sirius disappeared down into the boat, immediately pulled into helping secure the tables and benches in the mess, plates and bowls sliding about on the floor.

This continued into the night when it finally calmed enough that most of the crew had deemed it safe enough to crawl into bed, exhausted. Sirius, however, was wide awake with worry. Unable to put it off longer, he flung the blanket back and headed for the door.

“Sirius?” James mumbled, his head barely lifting from the pillow.

“Go to sleep, Potter, I’m fine. I’ll be right back.” He whispered, not wanting to disturb anyone. He watched as James nodded, asleep again as his head hit the pillow. Waiting a few more seconds, Sirius turned to go back to the door out to the mess, easing past the wall of barrels, tables, and benches to get to the steps up to the deck.

It was a mess, water still pooling in places where it hadn’t drained out of the scuppers yet, splashing under his boots as he walked across the deck. It was still raining but not as heavily as earlier, and the sea was much calmer but still not the beautiful calm he would normally linger to look at. He stopped at the door down into the Captain’s quarters and knocked.

There was no answer, so he tried again. Silence. Not even the movement of someone coming to the door. Slowly, he turned the handle and found the door opened with ease, not locked.

Slouched at his desk, arms crossed with his head on top, Remus was sound asleep. It could not be comfortable, Sirius knew it wasn’t, he’d fallen asleep at many desks. As he looked around, he could see that the sliding panel at the entrance to Remus’s sleeping area was ajar, and he could see inside. The bed was made, wider than the bunks the crew slept in but not as wide as the bed he’d slept in at home. Not that his family’s house felt like home anymore.

Creeping forward, Sirius made it to the desk when he heard Remus inhale sharply, letting out a groan before opening an eye. He didn’t seem surprised to see Sirius there, his lips stretching into a sleepy smile despite the obvious discomfort as he sat up. In silence, Sirius took in the sight of him, still in a shirt that was slightly damp and the same trousers as earlier, the only difference being his boots tossed to the side as he came through the door.

Lifting a hand towards Sirius, Remus turned his chair to face him, hooking an arm around his waist and pulling him closer. Sirius’s breath hitched as he lost his balance, letting Remus guide him to where he wanted him. In his lap. A leg bent on either side of him, settled on his thighs, Sirius had never been closer to Remus in any sense of the word. Examining the captain’s face, Sirius ran a thumb over the scar that ran through his lip and down his chin.

“Is this okay?” Remus muttered; his eyes suddenly more awake than they had been. Sirius shifted closer on his lap, relishing in the feeling of guiltless intimacy as he felt Remus’s breath hot on his neck, his nose nuzzling the skin. Then, a soft kiss was pressed over his pulse point, and another, and another. The adrenaline wasn’t completely out of Remus’s system, a new surge of it rushing through him.

“Yes, Captain Lupin.” Sirius smiled, leaning his head to one side to give Remus better access. It felt like dirty sin, Remus kissing his neck like that, Sirius seconds from letting a sound escape him that he wanted to keep inside for the sake of shame. He was grateful, then, when Remus moved his mouth away from him.

“We’re similar, you and I, running away to sea to escape punishment for the same crime,” Remus whispered, a hand on Sirius’s cheek to turn his face to him. Remus’s eyes were dark, pupils blown as he looked at Sirius, taking in his face, the softness of his unmarred skin.

“I don’t want to think about that.” Sirius leaned forward slightly, close enough that their noses were touching.

“Good. Neither do I.” Remus kissed him with a force that Sirius returned. He’d been wanting this for longer than he’d realised, since before that first kiss on the deck, possibly since he’d first laid eye on him. It was furious and untameable, the way Remus’s hands moved over him, clawing down Sirius’s back and sending him spiralling, rocking against him.

Sirius had kissed men before, but never like this. Nothing could compare to kissing a man because he wanted to, rather than going through the motions of fucking. This was deliciously addictive, feeling a rush of want course through him as he took Remus’s hair in fists, tugging lightly and earning a satisfying moan. That moan then turned into a grunt that made Sirius cautious.

“Did I hurt you?” He whispered, taking Remus’s face in his hands before realising the man was smiling, shaking his head.

“I’m not in any pain right now. Quite the opposite.” He pulled Sirius back for a kiss, and Sirius let him gladly, feeling the hips beneath him buck up. Jesus fuck, Remus was hard, and it was enough for Sirius to through away his inhibitions, his lips parting to let Remus’s tongue swipe over his, pressing together in a heated exchange.

Sirius found himself being lifted from Remus’s lap, chair kicked away as Remus placed him on the edge of the desk and shoved things out of the way. Sirius wrapped his legs around Remus, feeling a hand on his thigh as the captain leaned into him, pushing their hips together and making Sirius come more undone with each motion. Fingers wrapped around the hem of Remus’s shirt, tugging it off and throwing it to one side, Sirius kissing down his neck and chest. He bit into the supple skin just above his collarbone, sucking until there was sure to be a mark, hearing Remus let out a shaky breath. Running his tongue over the forming bruise, Sirius then pressed his lips over feint scars, his hands roaming the firm planes of Remus’s chest and back before returning to his mouth.

Stripping Sirius of his own shirt, Remus then leaned him back, so he lay flat against the desk, hovering over him as he kissed down the centre of his chest getting lower and lower until he was running his mouth over the hard bulge in the front of Sirius’s trousers. Trembling fingers undid buttons, pulling them down to his ankles. Remus took Sirius’s cock in his hand, pumping it as he pressed kisses to his hip, Sirius could feel him watch his breaths get harder, a small moan slipping out. Lips then wrapped around him, and he felt like could explode as that soft tongue flicked over his tip.

“Fucking hell.” Sirius breathed out with slight laughter as Remus took the whole of his cock in his mouth, hollowing his cheeks as his head bobbed up at down. Sirius knew he wouldn’t last long with a sight like that. The captain, The Sea Wolf himself, who took no orders and answered to no one, sucking on his cock like he worshipped it. A moan vibrated around him, and he hissed, hips bucking up and feeling his tip hit the back of Remus’s throat, choking him slightly.

Remus looked up, eyes watering, and Sirius had decided that was enough, grabbing a fist full of his hair and sitting up, pulling him into a filthy open-mouthed kiss filled with tongue and teeth. He kicked off his boots and then his trousers, leaving him naked on the captain’s desk.

“You going to take me to bed or fuck me right here?” Sirius asked against his lips between kisses, his hands teasing the erection pushing against the front of his breeches. Sirius wanted him so badly, but there was still a part of him that feared a repeat of the last time he’d allowed this to happen with a man.

“I want to never be able to look at this desk without thinking of you on it.” Remus kissed him, “I want to hear you moaning my name while I’m trying to read a book,” and again, “I want to remember how you feel around me and not be able to look anyone in the eye because of all the things I’ve done to you on this fucking desk.”

That was enough for Sirius, quickly undoing the buttons and helping Remus take them off. This was the first time Sirius had seen the scarring on Remus’s leg. It started at the hip, what looked like it had been a deep gash running down the outside of the thigh before twisting around to the front, stopping just above the knee cap. It was gnarled and silverish, surrounded by smaller scars that were much fresher, some even only weeks old perhaps.

“Can I touch it?” Remus nodded, and Sirius let a light touch smooth over the line, feeling the muscle twitch beneath the skin. The thigh was slightly slimmer than the other, the muscle weaker, but it still felt firm, a sign of Remus’s strength. “Does it hurt right now?”

“A little.” Remus whispered, finding the touch more intimate than anything he’d had on his mind, “Nobody had seen it since…well since it happened. It’s been a while since I did this with anyone.” He sucked in a breath as Sirius’s hands drifted up and over to Remus’s cock, ghosting over the throbbing erection in front of him.

“I feel so lucky, then.” Sirius grinned up at him, before spitting into his hand and spreading it over Remus’s cock, working it up and down and he started leaning back. Remus slipped two fingers into Sirius’s mouth, pushing them against his tongue before he closed his lips around them. Remus dragged them out slowly, trying his best to stay calm as Sirius stroked his length, their eyes stuck on each other until Remus lowered his fingers between them and teased over the tight hole. Sirius’s eyes squeezed shut as a finger pushed inside, hips rolling as it probed in until it could no more, curling slightly as it pulled out. His breaths were quicker and louder as Remus repeated the motion a few times before adding a second finger. Both of Sirius’s hands gripped the edge of the desk.

“Thought you said those hands were ruined.” Sirius was already feeling like he was going to fall apart, barely able to string some words together as Remus stroked his fingers against Sirius’s prostate, eliciting blasphemous moans.

“Guess they’re still good for something.” Remus smiled, adding in a third finger, and feeling Sirius clench, tightening beautifully around him.

“So fucking good, Captain.” He was breathless by the time Remus withdrew his fingers, lifting his head to see him lining himself up. There was no patience for taking it easy, Remus pushing himself in until he bottomed out, keeping himself from keeling over with a palm planted firmly on the table next to Sirius’s head. They took a second to adjust to each other, Sirius leaning up to steal a rough kiss as Remus slowly pulled out and thrust back in again.

“You feel so tight around my cock, love, am I making you feel good?” Remus whispered into his ear as he fucked him, Sirius’s breathy moans making his cock twitch inside him. He could barely nod, any words coming out as strangled noises, nails dragging down his thigh to grip his knee, Remus slinging the leg over his shoulder to change the angle. Arching his back, Sirius could barely contain himself.

“I’ve been dreaming of fucking you, ever since that first night, imagining those pretty hands around my cock.” Remus’s words drove Sirius closer to the edge, knowing how long Remus had wanted him.

“You’ve got me, I’m all yours.” Sirius smiled against his shoulder before biting down on it lightly. “Fuck, Remus, it’s too much.” His muscles tightened, pleasure tugging low in his stomach.

“Want me to stop?” He teased, feeling Sirius clenched with each thrust, changing the angle until he heard a change in his breaths, a moan load enough they’d hear it on the deck forced out of his throat.

“No.” Was all Sirius managed, arms clinging to Remus in the hopes of keeping himself together. “I’m so close.”

“I’ve got you; you’re going to come for me?” Remus took Sirius’s cock in his hands, pumping with the timing of his thrusts, causing Sirius to arch off the table. As he opened his eyes to look at Remus, he could see there was a twinge of pain coming through his face, his hips stuttering. Before Sirius could say anything, hot threads of cum spilled onto his stomach and his body was getting fucked through the orgasm, his mind somewhere so far away until it was dragged back to the moment. Remus buried his face in Sirius’s neck and pounded into him roughly, finishing inside him and stilling soon after.

They were both out of breath, Remus scared to move from the pain flaring through his leg and Sirius’s body exhausted from what Remus had done to him. Lifting his head slightly, Remus pressed kisses against glistening skin before ending up at Sirius’s mouth, kissing him slowly.

“Are you okay? You’re hurting.” Sirius sat up, barely on the edge of the desk, holding Remus’s face in his hands. The captain nodded, kissing Sirius again before inhaling sharply, his leg giving way. If he hadn’t been leaning on the table and holding onto Sirius, he would have fallen.

“Bed, I should rest it.” He gave a slight smile, reaching for his cane by the window before turning back to Sirius who was still sitting on the desk. “Can you stay with me for a bit?” The corners of Sirius’s lips twitched up as he nodded, hopping off and following him into the private sleeping quarters. Remus sat on the edge of the bed, hauling his bad leg up and shuffled over, patting the space next to him. Sirius lay down beside him, resting his head on Remus’s chest and listening to his breaths even out.

“You’ve wanted that since you met me?” Sirius asked, tracing a line down the centre of Remus’s chest, hearing a rumble of laughter, trying to hide his face in Sirius’s hair.

“I have, yeah. And you’re all mine?” He whispered, watching as Sirius shifted, a leg slung over him, slotted between his own.

“Yes.” He murmured against warm skin, soaking in the moment before he knew he’d have to go back to his bunk eventually.

“What I said earlier, about us both running from the same thing…” Remus began.

“Nothing that feels so good should be a crime. That’s the last we’ll speak of it.” Sirius lifted his head, watching as Remus nodded with a smile, not particularly wanting to talk about it either. Without saying the words, they’d both come to understand how they’d happened upon a life at sea and why they couldn’t go home. But neither of them wanted their old lives back when they had each other.

“We go into port tomorrow, there will be no one on the ship if you want to…spend the evening with me. Right here.” There was a devilish look in his eyes, but Sirius sat up, moving so he sat on top of Remus, avoiding his bad leg.

“Not so fast, Captain Lupin, you made a promise!” Weeks of just talking meant words came easy to them both, they’d spent most of their time flirting and stealing glances at each other, so it only felt different because they were naked on Remus’s bed.

“What have I promised you that’s so important?” He looked at Sirius on top of him with a smile that made Sirius feel warm inside. This was more than just fucking to them both, Remus had said it himself that he liked having Sirius around, that he felt less lonely. That a star in the sky meant more to him now than it had before.

“Books. Come ashore with me. We can just be Sirius and Remus. Just us.” His hands ran up Remus’s stomach to his chest, resting on his shoulders as he leaned forward, tilting his head to one side.

“I don’t think it's wise for a captain to leave his ship unattended.” Remus was trying his hardest to not give away any physical reaction, but with everything still running through his system, it was difficult to stop himself, especially with the way Sirius was looking at him, nibbling on his bottom lip.

“Then order Lily to stay, or James, or both. Please.” Batting his eyes, Sirius leaned forward and kissed him softly, clearly very persuasive as Remus let out a whimper against his lips, smiling as he ran his hands up the soft thighs on either side of him.

“You want The Sea Wolf to go ashore when anyone could spot him, to buy books?” He smiled up at him, teasing as his hands skimmed over his hips, fingers gripping slightly and watching as Sirius held his breath for a second.

“You don’t have to wear your fancy captain clothes. Forego the hate and coat and you’ll look like just another man.” He hummed, pretending to consider the request when he’d decided his answer as soon as Sirius had asked.

“For you. I’m doing this for you.” Sirius smiled, elated as he leaned down and kissed him squarely on the lips.

Even after being fucked by the man, something as simple as a kiss brought joy to him. Years of shame still clawed at him, but in this room, he didn’t need to think about getting caught, about what it would be like if someone found out. Never had he considered wanting someone for anything more than sex, but Remus was different. From the moment they’d met, he’d shown Sirius exactly what he thought of him.

“I should probably go before people notice.” Sirius sighed, sitting up again, and going to get off the bed before Remus gripped his hips again, keeping him where he was.

“I was sort of hoping we could…” He sat up, pressing kisses to the salty skin of Sirius’s neck before biting playfully at his jaw.

“You’re in no state to be pushing yourself right now.” Sirius pushed him back down onto the bed.

“You’re going to leave me here all on my own to sort this-oh fuck, okay.”

~~~

Weeks seem to fly by like this, days spent working about the ship, Sirius leaning across the desk to give Remus a chaste kiss when alone, knowing full well he’d be getting bent over it and fucked later that night. Nights sneaking out for an hour or two, lying on the deck with Remus to look up at the stars, letting him explain more constellations each time.

Happiness wasn’t supposed to come this easily to sodomites, Sirius had been told this so many times. By his father, his mother, every man he’d let fuck him, every woman he’d turned down. But Sirius had never felt so at ease as when he was with Remus, and he knew the same could be said for Remus, who sometimes even found himself on deck during the day.

One evening, as spring rolled into summer, their usual antics in the mess found their way onto the top deck. They had been singing and chanting, Lily dancing about with Sirius while James watched. Nobody even noticed when the door creaked open, and Remus slipped out to watch. Nobody except Sirius, of course, a smile wide on his face as soon as he saw him. Then he noticed what was in his hand, watching him prop a fiddle beneath his chin and ready his fingers. When he started to play, people paused, watching, except for Sirius.

“Come on, sing! Dance!” He laughed, twirling Lily about on the spot, acting as if he didn’t know the captain was only looking at him. That was the first night the crew really felt like a proper family to Sirius. Seeing Remus joining in brought them all together, and Sirius made sure he knew just how much he’d liked watching him play once everyone went to bed.

Of course, it didn’t take long for people to notice Sirius disappearing in the night and waking up in his bunk with marks on his neck or complaining of aching legs. James and Lily teased him playfully, only because it was impossible to constantly hide it from them. It had lasted a whole two weeks before Lily walked in on them kissing at Remus’s desk, and James a further five days to follow Sirius out to the top deck and see him with Remus.

Other members of the crew were less kind. Sirius heard the mutterings under breaths, calling him a whore, a cock sucker, a molly. He was fucking the captain for a better job, on his knees to suck his dick rather than scrub the deck, he’d fucked Lily to get on the ship, that he was a sodomite. While he still felt the shame, the sickly twisting in his stomach whenever he heard those words, he’d never dream of retaliating. He didn’t mind people thinking he’d slept his way to be cabin boy, he knew the truth, but when the truth started to seep into the lies, it became muddy in his mind. Remus hated it, but Sirius insisted intervening would make it worse.

One night in late June, Sirius stood on the top deck, back leaning against Remus’s chest, arms around him as they looked out at the sea. At that time of year, just after the solstice, it seemed to never quite go completely dark. Sirius leaned his head back onto Remus’s shoulder, humming as the captain pressed a kiss to the side of his head. Like this, he could forget about everyone else.

“If you could be anywhere else, or have any other life, what would you do?” Sirius asked as Remus swayed them slightly from side to side, laughter ringing through the younger man’s voice.

“That’s a big question. I suppose if I were to leave behind my life at sea I would become a cartographer, maybe. Though that feels slightly like cheating, so I’ll say I’d like to run a bookshop.” He answered, and Sirius hummed in agreement.

“I think I would go home.” Sirius started and Remus froze.

“What?” Turning in his arms, draping his own around Remus’s neck, Sirius shook his head.

“Let me finish! I would go home and get my brother, take him far away from that place.” Realisations truck Remus’s face and he smiled, nodding slowly.

“That sounds much more reasonable.” Remus brushed his knuckles against Sirius’s cheek, making him close his eyes, leaning into the touch. This wasn’t something he could give up either, in an ideal world he’d never have to.

“I would also quite like to be with you, though.” Sirius opened his eyes again, looking up at Remus to see him smile. He grabbed the hat from the top of Remus’s head, placing it on his own as the captain laughed, ducking his head to kiss him softly.

“So would I.” He whispered against his lips before pulling him back, deepening the kiss as Sirius pushed him against the mast, gripping Remus’s shirt in his fists.

There was a noise behind them, the shuffling of feet that neither man heard over the sound of each other until it was too late to pretend it was anything other than what it was.

“Jesus fuck!” A voice shouted, sure to wake up the whole ship, making Remus and Sirius jump apart. Their lips were pink and swollen from kissing, Sirius wearing the captain’s hat and Remus reaching for his can that he had left propped up close by. Pete stood at the top of the steps that came up from the mess, looking between the two with a look of disbelief, as if he hadn’t thought the rumours could be true despite participating in the conspiracy spreading himself.

Sure enough, movement came from beneath them and men began emerging from the belly of the ship, looking between Pete, Remus, and Sirius. Some were smiling, laughing almost, at the confirmation of suspicions, others looked disgruntled, wishing they had stayed in bed. Voices began getting louder, hushed whispers turning into accusations.

“How the fuck else does a deckhand get promoted to cabin boy?”

“How do you think he got the job in the first place?”

“What about the last deckhand, bit convenient that he went missing the morning he turned up.”

“I had nothing to do with that.” Sirius stuttered, looking to Remus for support but finding him looking at the crew. Slowly, he took off the hat, setting it down on the top of a barrel.

“We don’t know you, why should we believe you?”

“I thought Captain killed him.”

“I don’t know, maybe it was a joint effort.”

“Sirius had nothing to do with Barty’s death.” Remus protested, stepping forward until he noticed several men flinch away. Sirius bit his lip, wishing he could help in some way. The topic of Barty had been something Sirius never dared to bring up. He had no idea what had happened.

“So…he is dead.”

“Yes, but I didn’t kill him. Not directly.”

“Remus…” Muttered Sirius, moving closer until attention turned to him from Remus and he stepped back again.

“Fucking cocksucker calling him by his name.” Someone spat on the deck in Sirius’s direction and Remus lurched forward.

“You shut your fucking whore-son mouth, or I’ll do it again!”

“Remus!” Sirius shouted, not even realising he’d reached out to grab his arm until Remus turned to look at him. His eyes glistened, reflecting the light of the gas lamp hanging from a hook on the mast. Slowly, Remus nodded, blinking until he regained composure before turning back to the crew.

“I didn’t want him to die. We were due to dock in the morning, I was on deck and sent the crew to bed, wanting to stay up by myself. Barty came out, he thought I had gone to my quarters and was sneaking out to steal a row boat and pay a visit to the guard, to tell them I was here. He wanted to hand me over because he found out how much money he could get for telling them where to find me. He wanted to get off the ship, so I gave him a choice. I’d cut out his tongue to stop him from talking or he could jump off the ship, making it look like an accident. If he was a strong enough swimmer, he may have lived to shore. I gave Barty a choice and he chose.” There was silence amongst the men, and Sirius wanted nothing more than for Remus to look at him. But he didn’t. “Blame me for his death all you want, but I did what was best for myself and for you all. I am not the only one wanted for piracy, it would not have just been me that they took.”

“You didn’t kill him?” One man muttered, capturing everyone’s attention.

“I didn’t push him overboard if that’s what you mean.”

“And Sirius really had nothing to do with it?”

“He got his job the same way any of you did, and if Peter were a better man, he would have cast that rumour out weeks ago. He was the one that gave Sirius the deckhand job.” Lily stood at the back of the group, several people turning around to look at her.

“What me and Sirius do is no one’s business but ours. It doesn’t affect any of you, and those of you that have a problem with your captain being a bloody sodomite should take a look amongst yourselves. Don’t think I have no idea what goes on when you get lonely and haven’t lain with a woman in weeks. If I wasn’t a good man, I’d be leaving you all at the next fucking port.” Remus turned, picked up his hat from atop the barrel where Sirius had placed it, and left the deck, shutting himself away in his quarters.

Lingering as the crew took themselves back down to the bunks, Sirius hesitated on which way to go. Whether to go to his own bed and let Remus have some space or to follow him to his quarters and make sure he was okay. Watching from the other end of the deck, James placed a hand on the small of Lily’s back and pressed a kiss to her temple.

“He’ll be okay, they both will,” James whispered against her skin, glancing over at Sirius, who was trying not to act like he saw, jaw hanging open in disbelief. After all these weeks, months by that point, he’d never actually believed James when he said Lily loved him. But when she turned and quickly kissed his lips, there was no denying it.

Sirius was left alone for the first time in a while, staring out at the sea in thought before turning towards the stern of the boat and heading for the captain’s quarters. He didn’t knock, the need for that long dispensed of, and walked inside. He wasn’t at his desk, but his hat was on the floor, cane resting against his chair, and boots on opposite sides of the room. Moving across the space to the open sliding panel, he saw Remus on his bed, curled up on his side facing away from Sirius. Pulling off his boots, and placing them neatly at the foot of the bed, Sirius nestled down on the bed, watching Remus’s chest move with each breath.

Eventually, Remus turned over to lie on his back, lifting an arm for Sirius to move closer. He tucked himself into the captain’s side and neither man spoke as they fell asleep fully clothed, uncaring of who knew Sirius hadn’t returned to his bunk that night.

Chapter Text

They were late. Stupidly late. Almost an hour late. Remus was running as fast as he could, pulling Sirius behind him as they pushed through people. While they felt it had been a good reason, they knew Peter was going to be mad when they got to the row boat. It was a small town they were in, so small that they had to anchor the ship further out and row to the harbour. Remus had promised Pete that they would be at the harbour by seven that evening, but it was almost eight and the sun was sinking in the sky.

The skin on Sirius’ chest stung, a crescent moon now embedded in black ink under the skin, a tattoo done by one of the locals. It had been a feat trying to explain what they wanted, Sirius eventually having to draw it on the ground with a stick, not knowing the word for moon in their language. Remus had gotten a star in the same place, a spur-of-the-moment decision for them both that took longer than planned.

It was too hot to be running. If June had been pleasant in the northern hemisphere, July had been uncomfortable and August off the coast of South America was a form of torture that even someone as seasoned at travelling as Remus could barely handle.

“He better still be here,” Remus muttered, looking around, unable to remember exactly where they said they would meet Pete. Sirius was trying to help, but he lacked the height advantage Remus had, jumping occasionally to see better as they hurriedly walked along the harbour front, looking for Pete.

“Remus.” Sirius froze, pulling on Remus’s arm with a strong grip. The captain turned and looked at him, noting the frantic eyes before following his gaze. Further along the docks, a few men from the guard were stopping sailors, searching boats, and asking questions. While it felt paranoid to assume they were in trouble, so far from where their charges were waiting for them, Sirius had this sinking feeling.

“Walk, come on. We need to find Pete.” Remus turned him around and they began walking the opposite way. With a quick glance over his shoulder, however, Sirius had realised their attempt was too late. Two men began pushing between people, swerving around carts and crates to get to them. “There!” Remus sighed, grabbing Sirius, and running again.

“We won’t make it.” Sirius looked back again, seeing the gap was closing and they were still too far from Pete, sat in the small rowing boat at the other end of the harbour.

“Go! Pete, leave!” Remus began yelling, not caring who heard as long as Peter did. Looking up, it was clear Pete recognised the voice, understood the urgency, and immediately unhooked the rope holding the boat close to the dock and began rowing. Remus kept running along the wooden slats, Sirius unsure of what his plan was, he just trusted him to have one.

Perhaps if they had been on time this wouldn’t have happened. They would be back on the ship with the rest of the crew eating dinner and drinking whatever fine wine had been picked up. But Remus kept running.

“Trust me.” He shot the words at Sirius, who had begun to realise how quickly the end of the jetty was approaching. Sirius watched Remus speed up before jumping off the edge of the dock and plunging into the sea. He couldn’t do it. Coming to a stop and twisting to see he didn’t have enough time to figure out a new plan of his own. Sirius closed his eyes and fell backwards into the water, letting it engulf him entirely and drag him down.

The first time Sirius nearly drowned, it had been in a river when he was seven years old. He had been playing and lost his balance on the bridge, falling in and barely staying afloat long enough for his father to pull him out. The second time had been at fourteen after getting in a fight with some boys who pushed him. His arms and legs flailed about until he reached the bank and hauled himself up with the help of his brother.

Now, he was twenty-four and still unable to swim, feeling the weight of the water against his chest as he watched the dying light fade away. Something caught onto Sirius’s ankle, and reflexes set in, kicking whatever it was away as he tried to stay calm. As fingers flexed against his skin, he twisted and saw Remus pull his foot until he could loop an arm around his waist. Once he had him, Remus began swimming closer to the surface until they burst through, obscured by the jetty as they hid beneath it. Sirius’s back was pressed against Remus’s chest, a hand clamped over his mouth. It was near silence in the water, Remus’s movements barely audible as he timed them with the tide washing in and out, his breaths steady.

Hushed whispers comforted Sirius, Remus keeping hold of him, trying to calm the man as he continued to tread water, resting his forehead on Sirius’s temple. Slowly, Sirius felt his heart rate come down, his breathing steadying and Remus’s hand coming away from his mouth, still keeping hold of him. There were footsteps above them, voices shouting orders to search harder. Sirius trusted Remus, he knew he had a plan, and let him carefully begin making their way to the stone wall of the seafront. Moving their way along it, cold fingers gripping the cracks and gaps between stones, they reached a quiet part of the harbour and climbed out of the water.

Lying on his back for a second as Remus hauled himself out, Sirius watched the sky, chest heaving until he was pulled to his feet.

“We need to move.” Remus began patting his pockets and nodded. “There’s an inn on the edge of town. We’ll get a room there so we can dry off and get warm.”

“You have a plan to get us back to the ship?” Sirius was shivering, Remus’s hands running up and down his upper arms to try and get feeling back into them. Even in the summer heat, the sea was not kind.

“Of course, my love. I’m The Sea Wolf, this isn’t the first time I’ve been stuck somewhere without my ship.” Remus pressed a quick kiss to his forehead and pulled him down an alleyway between buildings before people could notice the two men dripping salt water along the path.

They found the inn, sure enough, and Remus slid some coins across the sticky surface of the bar in payment. For their board charge, they also got a hot meal but not a bath, which was extra. With only a few coins left, Remus put one more down as a bargain for discretion, which the barmaid accepted, giving them a key to their room.

There was only one bed, not that it mattered to the two, in fact, it was favourable. They stripped off their clothes immediately, hanging them over the back of a chair, the edge of a table and from the door handle to try and dry them off before wrapping themselves in blankets and sitting on the bed with their stew.

“It’s incredibly dangerous for you to be living on a ship if you can’t swim.” Remus sighed once his bowl was empty, placing it on the floor beside the bed and lying down, watching Sirius spoon the last few scoops into his mouth.

“I wasn’t exactly planning on being on board for so long, I was originally only going to stay as far as the next stop, but I stuck around. Found something worth risking it for.” He blushed, sitting the bowl to one side. He curled into Remus’s side, lips quickly finding his, pressing a hurried kiss on his mouth.

“Just don’t be stupid, yeah? I can’t risk losing you because you’ve decided to get drunk and stand on the side of the ship.” Remus cupped Sirius’s face and Sirius was searching for something in his eyes. While he was joking, his face held so much sincerity that he thought he might burst. Giving a smile, he shifted and slung a leg over Remus’s hip, slotting it between his.

“Well, since you’ve asked so nicely, I’ll tell Lily I have to cancel that balancing contest.” Sirius teased, shifting his weight so he rested on Remus’s good leg, reminding them both of how gloriously naked they were as Sirius’s cock pressed to Remus’s hip.

“Don’t talk about Lily right now.” The captain smiled, rolling his hips against Sirius, and pushing a moan up his throat to come falling from his mouth. Remus lifted his head and collected the sound to keep, trapping it between his lips as he kissed Sirius, running his fingers through the dark hair he’d grown so fond of.

“I suppose if we’re trying to get warm again then I can think of a few ways,” Sirius muttered against Remus’ mouth before taking the man’s bottom lip between his teeth and gently tugging, rocking his hips against him.

They should be more troubled than they were, trying to figure out what they were going to do, why the guard were so concerned with them, getting back to the ship. But Remus grabbed Sirius’ waist and pushed him onto his back, cherishing the laughter that spilled out of his lover as he nestled between his legs, pressing hurried kisses down his neck and chest.

“There is no one else I’d rather be stuck on land with.” Remus smiled against the soft salty skin, looking up at Sirius with golden brown eyes that made him melt.

“I’m sure the crew will be thrilled to know how we are passing the time.” A euphoric smile spread his lips, cupping Remus’ face and pulling him back up for a kiss that made the world around them fade away. Remus was the only person Sirius trusted with his life, and he’d saved it barely more than an hour ago, and it made Sirius feel invincible.

They lay on the bed, still curled into each other, trying to get some sleep before they planned to leave before sunrise. Remus stretched his leg out, feeling a cramping come on in the muscle. Sirius stirred, turning his head slightly and pressing a quick kiss to the hot skin of Remus’ chest, arm draped over his stomach.

Remus was restless, wishing he could pace in his quarters on the ship but instead kept himself still, so he didn’t disrupt Sirius. His mind pondered over what had happened at the harbour, how the guard had been looking for them, recognised them even. They had been searching boats to look for the men, knowing they would be heading out at that time. It could be no coincidence.

“Remus?” Sirius lifted his head, looking to Remus in the dark, a hand lifting to stroke his cheek. Remus let out a hum, so Sirius knew he heard, turning his face towards him. “You’ve not slept.”

“You worry too much, it’s nothing.” Turning onto his side, he folded his arm around Sirius’ frame and pulled him close, feeling warm breaths against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius’ head and closed his eyes, letting his tired body finally give in to sleep.

Hours later, the sun rising over the horizon, they were already a mile up the coast from the small town, the last remnants of sea water drying from their clothes as they wore them. Remus had asked Sirius to trust him, to which Sirius replied with a laugh as if it needed to be asked.

On their way, Remus explained to Sirius what the plan set in place was for situations like the one they were in. The ship would be taken further up the coast in the direction they were already heading where it would anchor overnight and a row boat would go to the shore and wait. As they pushed through some trees, Remus could see the ship waiting for them, a figure sat on the beach waiting for them. Sirius squinted but couldn’t tell who it was from a distance.

When they got closer, Sirius realised it was James and began running throwing himself over his friend when he got there.

“You pair of idiots! What happened, Pete said the guard were there and you wouldn’t get to the boat on time. Why were you late?” James laughed when Remus got closer, shoving Sirius onto the sand beside him as he got to his feet. Remus shrugged, looking out to the water where the ship was, a hand blocking the sun from his eyes.

After Sirius explained while Remus dragged the boat to the shallows, nodding for the pair to jump in and he’d push them out, James and Remus took an oar each and rowed them out. When they reached the ship, Sirius climbed up first, but James didn’t budge for a moment.

“Do you think someone sold you out?” He asked the captain, holding onto the ladder on the side of the ship as the smaller boat rocked with their movements.

“I don’t see any other way they’d know us. They must have been given a description to be able to pick us out in a crowd.” Remus pinched the bridge of his nose, glancing up as Sirius disappeared at the top of the ladder, arms pulling him aboard, most likely to be Lily.

“Leave it with me, I’m quartermaster, I’ll get to the bottom of this.” James gave a single nod before Remus went up the ladder, leaving his friend and the crew to sort out getting ready to set sail again. Remus immediately headed for his quarters, flopping onto his bed only for the door to creak open. Someone walked across the main cabin before a meek smile appeared in the gap of the ajar door to his sleeping area. Sirius bit his lip and slid the door shut behind him, pulling off his boots before crawling into bed, back against Remus’ chest.

“Hi.” He whispered, feeling the arm tighten around him, Remus burying his face in the dark curls.

“This is good, better than being on my own,” Remus muttered, feeling himself get tired already. He had barely slept in the inn, getting four hours of sleep at most before walking several miles. Sirius, who had gotten a little more, felt his own body relax now he was in a familiar bed with his lover curled around him.

“Barty wasn’t working alone, was he?” Sirius asked, not sure if Remus was even still awake with the steady breaths he could feel on his neck.

“I told you not to worry, my love, I’ll keep you safe.” His voice was soft with sleep, his fingers finding Sirius’ hand to hold it in his. Before Sirius could think of anything to say, he was sure that Remus was asleep and decided not to disturb him.

~~~

In the time before their next stop, the ship was tense, everyone on edge after it was uncovered why the Captain was missing overnight. The problem was that almost everyone had gone ashore, so it didn’t give much room for narrowing down who alerted the town guard that Remus was there.

Being as notorious as The Sea Wolf came with its downsides, he was wanted in most countries for piracy amongst other crimes and his scars and cane were immediate indicators for anyone looking for him. He’d lost his favourite cane at the harbour, leaving him with a more generic-looking one, but it still made him stand out.

Any time Sirius walked past someone, hushed whispers ceased. People inched away from him in the mess at meal times, leaving only James and Lily who truly trusted him. Even after Remus’ scolding for how they spoke about Sirius, it had not fully stopped. Accusing glances were cast his way every hour of the day, mutterings of ‘whore’ and ‘traitor’ following him like shadows around the ship. He’d stopped sleeping in his bunk altogether, Remus welcoming him into his cabin every night since their return, no questions asked.

Just as The Sea Wolf had, Sirius became a myth in the last few days before they were next due to stop at a harbour town, unseen by most as he avoided the top deck during the day, going up some nights with Remus to look at the stars and rid themselves of the claustrophobia of the Captain’s quarters.

The sun was not even rising when Remus and Sirius woke, wanting to be on the boat ashore by dawn. The anchor had dropped in the night, just far enough from the coast that they’d have warning if another boat was heading towards them. As Remus buttoned his plainest trousers, he glanced over his shoulder to see Sirius, still prancing about in his long johns with Remus’ coat on, no shirt underneath. It was a sight to behold, the smile spread on his face as he twirled, Remus slowly moving towards him before pinning Sirius to the desk, kissing him deeply.

“Maybe I should make you captain so I can watch you wear my coat every day.” He groaned, Sirius sitting on the edge of the desk, Remus standing between his legs. Neither could complain about the fact that living in a confined space together had brought them closer, it had driven their libidos through the roof. With each little quirk and habit Sirus had noticed about Remus, he’d fallen deeply for him.

“Then it wouldn’t be your coat, though, would it?” Sirius let his hands explore the bare skin of Remus’ torso, pressing kisses along his collarbone. His fingers traced the old scars on his chest, back and arms, relishing in the way Remus melted into his touch. Only one person could unravel The Sea Wolf like that, and Sirius found joy in the fact.

“Mmm, wouldn’t stop you from looking so good in it.” Fingers raked up and down Sirius’ thighs, only the thin material of his long johns separating Remus from the skin. Reaching past his love, Remus grabbed his hat from the desk and placed it on Sirius’ head, watching his smile widen.

“I wouldn’t want to be captain if you weren’t, anyway.” He adjusted the hat on his head, hooking a leg around Remus to pull him closer, leaning back onto his hands.

“If I wasn’t captain then we wouldn’t be coming back aboard.” Joked Remus, fingers teasing the waist of Sirius’ pants, biting his lip. There was a deep thought brewing inside Sirius as he gazed up at him, lips parting to speak long before he vocalised any of it.

“We could do that, y’know? Just not come back today.” Any teasing stopped, the playfulness dissipating alarmingly quickly from Remus’ face as he removed his hand from where it skimmed Sirius’ skin, settling on the desk beside him.

“Sirius…” He sighed, his voice always a warning of what was to come if he even entertained the thought too long.

“Neither of us wants this life forever. We could leave, find somewhere to settle, just the two of us.” Running a hand up and down Remus’ forearm absently, Sirius sat up a bit, eyes watching Remus run the words through his mind over and over. The silence made him nervous; Remus was taking too long to respond.

“I wish it were so simple.” That was what he settled on, but Sirius simply could not accept something so vague. They had talked of their dreams together; they had shared a life in hypotheticals and Sirius was offering him the chance to make them real. And Remus wasn’t taking it.

“Why can’t it be? We could open your bookshop, get my brother. We could live a normal life, choose new names, just be together.” He lifted his hands to rest on Remus’ chest, bracing for the impact of rejection.

“I can’t. I’m in too deep with all of this for that to be an option.” In too deep. He was right, it was ridiculous to hope for things to go their way. Who was to say that every port and harbour wouldn’t be the same as the last?

“Oh.” Sirius retracted his hands, resting them in his lap and looking down at them.

“You can leave whenever you wish, but I don’t think I could have a life on land. I’d be living in constant fear of getting caught, I’d be hanged before we even had a chance.” Large hands rested over his, holding them loosely. It was not enough to give Sirius confidence, to make him smile as he usually would, but it meant Remus was still there with him.

“I’m not going to leave without you, Remus, don’t be ridiculous. I’m sure there is somewhere that they don’t know your face. America?” When he looked up, Remus’ face was solemn with regret and disappointment, not at Sirius but at the way he’d clearly made Sirius feel.

“My darling Sirius, I would love nothing more than to start fresh with you, but you deserve freedom.” He brushed his knuckles across Sirius’ cheek gently, desperate for him to lean into the touch, to close his eyes and tell him it was okay, that they were okay.

“I don’t want freedom if it is without you. You’re not even considering it. Please. It doesn’t have to be today, it could be months in the future, give us time to tell the crew, and leave Lily in charge. We can go far from where we get off, we could go anywhere. America, England, France. I speak French, we could live in Paris.” Hands were grasping at Remus now, his arms, his waist, his shoulders, landing on the sides of his neck, desperate to keep hold of him before he could slip away.

“I have done nothing but think of what our life could be if we had met some other way.” There was a smile in Remus’ voice, bittersweet and tortured. It was clear that this was true, Sirius had done the same. They both wanted to get away so desperately but the actions of their past before they had each other. Remus wished he could take it all back, that he’d stayed in England and found his way to Sirius before either of them had crimes to their name.

“If you’re not going then I’m not.” He sounded so sure, pulling Remus’ thoughts back to him.

“Are you sure?”

“Remus, you have given me the only chance at happiness I think I shall ever find. There is no life out there that could make me happy now I have known what it is like to be with you. I am forever changed. If you stay on The Kraken’s Mercy then so do I, there is nothing you could say or do that would take me away from your side.”

“Sirius-” Remus tried desperately to hold himself together, to not fall apart at the words, at Sirius’ determination to stay by Remus’ side. Whatever fondness Lily and James held for their captain, whatever dedication, or loyalty; it was nothing compared to Sirius.

“No, damn it, I am not done! I cannot possibly go home to my family, not just because I will be hanged but because you cannot come with me. No life in Paris or America would be worth it, no matter how wonderous, because it would not be with the only man that I think I could ever possibly love. I have loved you, Remus, since the moment you first took my hand on the deck and gave me a chance at something better. You defied all expectations I had for a pirate, a Sea Wolf, whom I was told to fear, you have been tender and kind and beautiful and loving you will always be my greatest joy in life. So, if you cannot return to land and live a quiet life then neither shall I.” There was a pause.

An extended silence as Remus’s eyes began to pool with tears, unable to string together so much as a short sentence in response. Sirius was a man of education, an Oxford man who had studied for years, read through countless laws, reviewed the prose of poets and playwrights alike at the orders of his father and to find common ground with his brother. None of it, not even Shakespeare, could compare to the words one could write about the beauty of the man in front of him.

Wiping his thumb across Sirius’ cheek, ridding him of a tear that rolled down his face, Remus nodded, pressing his lips together.

“Okay.” He whispered, cupping Sirius’ cheek as his vision blurred, his own tears breaking free.

“Okay, so I’ll stay.” Sirius placed his own hand over Remus’ with a sad smile, knowing that while he got to be with Remus, it wouldn’t be the life they dreamed of. There would be no bookshop, no lazy mornings in bed, no walks through the town and Sunday morning markets. They would be together, though, and that was enough for them both. If they were going to let go of those hopes then it would be for their safety, so they could still be alive at least.

“No, okay we’ll go.” Remus smiled wider than he ever had before, Sirius frowning before realising what he had said. With a hand on either side of Remus’ face, he pulled him into a kiss, deep and loving as he felt the captain hold him, lifting him from the desk as Sirius’ legs wrapped around him.

“Oh, my love, thank you.” He whispered, kissing him again, hat tipping back on his head from the force. Remus had every intention to carry Sirius back to bed for another hour, James would wait for them. He had every intention to take his time to tell Sirius over and over exactly how he felt, how much he wanted to run away with him. Hearing Sirius say he loved him tipped him over the edge, making him just insane enough to think they could make it work.

He had every intention to be free.

That was all torn away with footsteps outside the door, no knocking as the door burst from its hinges and everything fell away.

There would be no America or Paris. There would be no bookshop or Sunday morning markets. Their time was up. Through the doorway stormed five uniformed men, guards, who tore Remus from Sirius, holding them apart and shoving Remus to his knees. Sirius kicked his legs out against the officers, arms restrained behind his back as the Warden began reciting the words on his parchment, an order for the arrest and appropriate punishment of Remus J. Lupin, The Sea Wolf and captain of The Kraken’s Mercy, and Sirius Orion Black, for sodomy.

They were taken up to the top deck where people had emerged from their bunks, huddled in groups as the men were hauled from the cabin and held apart. There was another ship there, one that would have been impossible not to notice. Sirius looked around; jaw clenched as he saw Pete smirking from across the deck. He would kill him if he could.

“I plead mercy for Sirius Black and confess to piracy of the highest order. I am willing to bargain for his life and you may punish me without trial if I confess.” Sirius froze, eyes locked on Remus, unwilling to believe he would do something so stupid as to confess to further crimes that Sirius knew didn’t need to be tried on land. Sirius had spent too long studying law to not know anyone accused of piracy could have a trial at sea to save the hassle of taking them to a judge on land.

“Remus, what are you doing?” James muttered, going to step forward if not for Lily holding him back, clinging to his arm. Sirius’s mouth was agape, trying to process what Remus was doing. Piracy was punishable by death; he would be killed there and then on the ship without needing to go to land for trial.

“The glory bestowed on your name as executor of The Sea Wolf must surely be worth more than the arrest of a sodomite.” A sodomite. All of this for getting fucking by a man at Oxford who Sirius didn’t even like, he barely tolerated. He had gained love and was losing it over sodomy charges that could have been avoided if he’d just been good. If he had followed his father’s orders and been the perfect son, then he would still be at Oxford and Remus would never have taken risks that would get him caught. He wouldn’t be confessing to piracy if it weren’t for Sirius.

“I will accept your bargain. Sirius Black may live in exchange for your execution for breach of the Piracy Act. May the Lord show mercy upon your soul for your confession.”

“No! Remus, what are you doing?” Sirius pulled against the hands holding him, feeling fingers dig in, nails breaking the skin. Remus turned his attention to Sirius with a tearful smile, lips quivering.

“Giving you a chance at your dream.” There was no sadness in Remus’s eyes, nothing resembling regret or remorse for what he was doing. He wholeheartedly believed that what he was doing was right, that he was letting Sirius go. Even after everything he had just told him, he believed Sirius would want to be free.

“Remus John Lupin, you are sentenced to death by firearms for your crimes.”

“I confess to the murder of Bartemius Crouch Junior!” Sirius’s voice seemed to echo, screaming so loud he was sure people would hear it for miles.

“Murder?” The Warden raised an eyebrow, looking between the men and the crew as if expecting them all to laugh like it was some joke he was not a part of.

“Sirius, don’t be stupid.” Remus pleaded, trying to wrestle free from the men who held him. He looked over to Sirius and saw his face change, the desperate eyes and tearstained cheeks dropped, morphing into something unrecognisable. This wasn’t his sweet Sirius who was fighting for love anymore, this was a Sirius that Remus had never seen, that he could almost believe to be a deeper form of someone he thought he knew. But the way he refused to look at Remus told him everything he needed to know.

“I killed him. Barty. When I boarded this ship, I murdered Barty to ensure there was a place for myself, so I could escape my charges in England and flee the country on this ship. I knew pirates would kill a stowaway, so I had to find a way onto this ship without raising suspicion. I killed him.” Sirius ground out as he was pushed to his knees. He looked up as the Warden began to slowly walk towards him, his footsteps on the deck growing tense until he dropped into a crouch before him.

“How did you kill him?” He ran a bony finger along the trim of the hat Sirius still wore, looking over to the captain and then back down at Sirius, noting the darkness in his eyes as his lips twitched.

“I pushed him into the water, watched him drown.” The Warden blinked, looking up to the crew, to where James and Lily clutched at each other, to where Pete stood with his arms crossed, refusing to watch the scene unfolding on the deck and instead focusing on the rising sun, the gentle pink of the sky.

“How can we know this is the truth?” A cold hand clutched Sirius’ jaw and Remus flinched forwards, the movement was enough to aggravate the officers holding him, shoving the captain to the deck, and pinning him down. One knelt against his back, keeping his head turned to watch, and the other was putting pressure on his bad leg, earning a cry of pain. This pushed Sirius on, unable to listen to that sound.

“I am a sodomite, I have whored myself out to the captain since he found out what crimes I have committed, to ensure my safety. I have stolen too. There is a compass in the pocket of my trousers in the captain’s cabin, engraved on the back is my father’s name, Orion Black, I stole it from him so I could pawn it for money. I also stole gold coins from him, not enough that he would notice but enough so I would be able to pay for boarding when I left the ship. I have fed Remus Lupin information about my father’s merchant ships and trading routes so we could avoid them. I have kept notes on everything he does, every attack ordered, every crime confessed.” The Warden jerked Sirius’ head up, making him grunt with the force. Not once did his eyes drift over to Remus, he wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t deserve it.

“And why would you do such a thing?” He squeezed, fingers digging into flesh so he could feel the resistance of bone. Still, Sirius did not give in.

“This morning, when we went to land, I was going to turn him in. I was going to leave with his valuables and start a new life. Change my name, go into hiding. Everything he has done these past few months was based on the information I provided. I can assure you; I am far more valuable than he is.” A choked sob reverberated around the ship, and Sirius closed his eyes, recognising Lily even with his back turned. The Warden let go of Sirius and began pacing back over to Remus, watching with a strange satisfaction before turning back to the dark-haired man on his knees.

“We cannot let a murderer go by unscathed. From what you have confessed, you have committed many very serious crimes. Murder, sodomy, theft, piracy. I’m sure there are more that you withhold. Maybe it is you we should be executing this fine morning.”

“Stop it, Sirius!” Remus’s voice was slightly muffled, his face pressed further against the deck. Everything about Sirius was calm as he looked up at the Warden, his body still, eyes dry.

“Very well, Sirius Black you are to be executed for your crimes while Remus Lupin will receive thirty lashes. Any last words?” Sirius was dragged back to his feet, so he stood eye to eye with the Warden. From the corner of his eye, he could see Remus being released, shoved towards the rest of the crew where Lily and James held on to him, keeping him upright while he lacked a cane.

Sirius was pushed to the side of the ship and all the officers stepped back. Slowly, he peeled the coat off his body, Remus’ coat, and began to neatly fold it in silence. By the time he had done that, there were four rifles pointing at him, and the Warden stood by Remus with a shotgun, a warning not to try anything stupid. Laying the coat down gently, he placed the hat on top and stood up, finally letting himself look at Remus with all the sorrow and remorse he truly felt. Sirius looked so small standing there, dressed only in his long johns.

“I’ll be waiting for you. Just don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” His lips quivered into a smile as he climbed up to stand on the side of the ship, hearing the rifles be readied to fire. Sirius looked for one last time at the man he loved, his gentle eyes now shedding tears as he shook, Lily and James either side of him, clutching him in case he fell apart.

Fear. That was what Sirius felt now. A sudden rush of fear for what was about to happen. It wouldn’t last long, the pain, he’d be gone before he could even acknowledge it. But he knew the same couldn’t be said for Remus.

“I love you.” It was barely a whisper, but the wind carried it to Sirius, and he smiled wide, knowing he had lived long enough to feel it. To be loved. And what an honour it was.

“Fire!”

Remus watched as all four rifles shot at Sirius. Blood poured from his right shoulder, his left hip, and his left thigh. The fourth had missed, hitting the wood between his feet. It was barely a second before the smile fell away, eyes rolling back as his limbs gave way and he fell backwards into the water.

“Sirius!” Remus screamed, pulling hard enough against Lily and James that he broke free, tumbling forward. He scrambled to his feet, hobbling to the side of the ship where he looked down into the water. There was nothing but the residual rings moving out from the impact. He couldn’t see him.

“Remus, get back. You don’t want to see.” Lily was at his side, hand on his arm, gentle as if worried he was going to lash out. The truth of it was that there was something wild about Remus, like The Sea Wolf had come alive in him, bending over the side of the ship, eyes wide as he searched for life.

“He can’t swim. Sirius can’t swim, he’ll die.” As he lifted his leg, threatening to throw himself overboard, he was wrenched back by familiar, strong arms.

“Remus, he was probably dead before he hit the water.” James’ voice was weak with his own tears, pulling Remus away from the edge. Despite how hard he struggled; Remus was too weak to get away from James with time. He needed to watch the water, he needed to see Sirius, but all he could manage was a wretched sob.

“He didn’t do it!” Yelled Remus, turning to the crew, “You absolute fucking cowards, you know he didn’t!” Nobody dared to say anything. His last words to Sirius made them all realise just how wrong they had been to stand by and watch two lovers be torn apart.

“I will say, Peter Pettigrew, you promised us a show, but this was not what I had in mind.” Cold rushed through Remus as the Warden of the Guard spoke, his eyes lifting in an icy gaze to settle on Peter across the deck, lucky that he was in too much pain to throttle him. Heads turned towards Peter, hushed whispers covering the sound of the waves as they thrashed against the boat, rocking it slightly. Finally, Peter turned his attention to Remus, shame plastered on his face as a bag of money was tossed his way. “Now, daring Sea Wolf, it is your turn for punishment.”

Remus lay quivering in his bed, welted back bare as Lily applied a salve and James knelt by his head. He’d been coming in and out of consciousness for the last hour as Lily worked. The deck was empty, quiet, and in desperate need of a scrub before the blood-stained, working deeper into the wood with every minute.

“I love him,” Remus murmured, his face screwing up before he buried it into the pillow and let out a sound somewhere between a scream and sob, making Lily wince at the sound. He had been quieter when he broke his leg, handling that like it was nothing compared to the pain of losing Sirius.

“I know, my dear, before you said it, we knew. He loved you so much.” Her voice was like a gentle caress, it always had been. As harsh as she could be with the rest of the crew at times, she had never been anything other than the loveliest person in the world to Remus. The last live flower in a wilted bunch, unwilling to let the world ruin her. And James, squeezing Remus’ hand, was left speechless. He had been the one to ask Sirius onto the ship, he’d grown to see him as a friend, a brother, over the months since he joined them. Suddenly, the ship seemed worthless without him.

“We were leaving today. We were going to leave you two in charge and run away together. We were supposed to be happy.” The pair looked at each other as their captain spoke. Neither had ever suspected they would do such a thing, but neither were they surprised to hear the words. Sirius had never expressed a fondness for life at sea, now explained by the fact he couldn’t swim, and only ever planned for a temporary stay to get away from England.

“This doesn’t need to happen now, but you need to face the crew.” Lily closed the pot of salve and moved to kneel beside James, feeling his hand reach for hers as she went to move Remus’ hair from his face. His eyes closed as she did so, obvious who he was pretending it was as a tear rolled down his cheek.

“Peter. I need to see Peter.” He groaned, trying to sit up, reaching for a loose shirt on the chair by his bed. James passed it to him, averting his eyes as his captain clenched his jaw, manoeuvring so his feet were on the floor, pulling the shirt on.

“I’ve already decided his punishment,” James muttered, concerned about how far Remus would go. While it had been rare that The Sea Wolf surfaced outside of raids and attacks, it had been less so with Sirius around. Now he was gone, it was like the soft and gentle Remus was gone and there was nothing left except his harshest self.

“No, I want to do it.” Remus reached for his cane and stood up, heaving up to the top deck in bare feet.

The coat and hat still sat in their neat pile, untouched, as Remus hesitated when passing them, deciding to leave them where Sirius had put them for now. He found Peter in the mess, a place Remus so rarely went and made a direct line for him, James and Lily lingering a few feet behind him until Peter’s back was against the wall, Remus’s forearm to his throat.

“You fucking traitorous monster, the man I love is dead in the ocean because of your fucking greed. You were lucky when he was here, begging me not to fucking kill you myself, but he’d gone now so give me one good reason I shouldn’t slit your throat with a butter knife.”

“Remus!” Lily was at his side, glaring at him. It was rare she would use his name in such a manner, but today was a day for reminders of his humanity. Closing his eyes, Remus took a deep breath, trembling as he leaned his weight on his cane. His eyes didn’t stay closed long, because all he could see was Sirius falling back into the water, smiling at him with loving eyes.

“Get off my ship. Take your things and leave.” From the shock in Peter’s eyes, it was obvious he wasn’t expecting to live past the next few minutes. He scrambled to the bunks and grabbed what few belongings he had, including the bag of coins.

“Leave that with us.” James went to grab the pouch, but Remus’s fingers circled his wrist, his head shaking slowly.

“We don’t want his blood money. James, take him ashore.” Remus gave the crew a single nod and turned his back to them, heading back up the steps slowly and going to stand at the side of the ship, watching the water. He didn’t move from that spot all day, beside the pile of things Sirius had left behind, no matter how he ached, he remained there.

Into the night, the crew in their bunks, a howling could be heard on deck as The Sea Wolf mourned to the sea for his lost lover, begging for him to come back, to have him again. No matter how painful the sobs sounded, no one dared to leave their beds. Lily cried silently in her bed, James holding her tightly, grateful to still have her while weeping for the loss of his friend.

Nothing would ever heal that wound in Remus, they could tell that what they had could never be recreated. It is rare to find someone who so quickly lets themselves be open with you, despite the stories of your reputation. Never once had Sirius shown fear when he so obviously knew of the mutterings of The Sea Wolf, of Barty’s death. Even after hearing the truth, he was there by his side.

Part of Remus blamed himself, though he knew nothing could have been done to stop the guard from coming, but someone as pure and lovely as Sirius should have been protected rather than sacrificed. There was no other like him.

~~~

One Year Later

The harbour was full, the fishermen coming in with fresh produce, people haggling to buy from them straight from the ship. Pushing in between bodies, Remus was determined to get to the place where they were meeting the cartographer for the new maps drawn up, new details of Asia and its islands added compared to their current map. Behind him, Lily trailed, looking at the fish and talking about something James had said about repairing the main sail while people were off the ship.

It had taken a long time for Remus to dare come to land when they stopped, but he found it good to get off the ship more, to see more of this world he was travelling. They were in America, North Carolina if Remus could remember correctly, and part of Remus couldn't help but imagine Sirius here, wandering about the market testing the ripeness of apples and looking for new imports to bring home.

He could almost see him there, his dark hair bouncing about between the heads several metres in front of him, stopping to look at the alpaca wool. It was too short to be him though, and the hair was cropped closer to the man’s head. But when he turned, it wasn’t him. His face held similar features, the same upturned nose, and grey eyes that glistened with youthful joy, and when he smiled, he could have sworn it was him.

“Lily,” Remus whispered, reaching for her, not daring to look away in case it was a figment of his imagination and he’d be gone.

“I see him.” She held on to his arm, looking in the same direction. Remus’ heart slammed against his ribs if Lily had seen him then he was real. It wasn’t Sirius, but he was close enough that he needed to talk to him, to make his mind sure this was a stranger.

“It’s not him though, is it? Tell me it isn’t.” Her fingers gripped his bicep as they watched the young man push through and head towards a narrow street. She didn’t resist as he began leading her in the same direction.

“It’s not him, Remus. Sirius died.” She let go of her tight hold, stroking her hand lovingly up and down his arm. She had cared for him when he couldn’t care for himself, on the days when he healed from his lashing and could barely walk, or his leg pained him too much, of the grief swallowed him whole. Lily had been there. His Waterlily.

“I know.” He couldn’t help but wonder, pausing when he took out some keys, unlocked a door and slipped inside. Remus’ eyes lifted and saw the sign above the shop front he had entered through.

“Oh, Remus.” Lily sighed, turning to him to see tears in his eyes. Canis Major Bookshop. It could not be a coincidence.

“I need to know.” He turned to her, and she nodded, shooing him away.

“Go, I’ll meet you back at the ship.” Her smile was wide with the hope she held for Remus. Even if it wasn’t anything, he needed the closure of knowing.

“If I am not there within an hour, you leave without me.” He pulled her close, hugging her to hide his blooming tears. It felt so odd suggesting that his boat leave without him but if he left without checking then he would regret it for the rest of his days.

“Just in case, I need you to know it has been an honour working for you and if you stay then this certainly won’t be the last you see of us. I have so much love for you Remus, and you deserve happiness, wherever you are.” She held onto him tightly, her face buried against his shirt, and they took a moment to just be there, scared of saying goodbye in case he would be back on that ship in twenty minutes, wishing he’d never thought of hope.

“Thank you, Lily, I couldn’t have done this without you and James.” He laughed, knowing his sadness at saying goodbye to Lily may only be temporary for one reason or another.

“Go! Get out of here, idiot!” She playfully shoved him away, wiping under her eyes and watching the captain walk towards the shop.

As he stopped to look through the window, he could see the man shuffling around, sorting books on the counter. He pushed open the door, a bell ringing above his head.

“We’re closed.” The man called, his back to the door as he looked between two books in his hand. He even sounded like Sirius. Remus’ cane tapped against the wooden floor as he stepped forward.

“I’m really sorry, you just look so much like someone I used to know. Can I ask your name?” Remus knew it was a long shot, but he had to know why it felt like he was seeing a ghost before him. The man turned, looking at Remus properly as he leaned against the wooden counter. He noted the hat, the coat, and the cane, and narrowed his eyes, head cocked to one side.

“Regulus, Regulus Black.” He could have cried. He’d heard so many stories and now, of all the places in the world, he was in the same town. Remus gulped; his mouth suddenly very dry.

“I think I knew your brother, Sirius. He was my…we were…I loved him very much.” Recognition flashed across Regulus’s face as he straightened his back, standing up properly.

“You’re his pirate.” Lips quaked in a slight smile as Regulus nodded, looking at him again, properly, and really saw him. Remus could see a thought process unfolding in his face as Regulus blinked at the pirate captain.

“How would you…?”

“Sirius!” No. Remus felt nauseous as footsteps echoed down some steps through the doorway behind the counter. He couldn’t be here. Except…

Those familiar dark curls swung around the doorway, an eclectic smile on his face as he looked to Regulus and then past him to see Remus. The smile dropped, eyes welling with tears as he took in the tall man, bottom lip quivering. Remus felt even his good leg lose his strength, stumbling slightly, only for him to dart around the counter, hands holding him up in a flash. It was him.

“My love.” Sirius smiled wider, voice shaky as he studied Remus, the new scars on his face, the look of absolute adoration in his eyes as he reached up to cup Sirius’ face, to make sure he was real. He could see over Sirius’ shoulder that Reg slipped away into the back rooms of the shop to let them reunite.

“You died, how could you…it’s not possible.” Remus tried to make sense, hands stroking over Sirius’ face, feeling the same softness he had a year prior.

“I’m here, I’ve been here for months.” Sirius’ smile grew wider with each second, blinking away tears as he gripped Remus’ shirt, scared to let go in case he’d be gone, and Sirius would never have this chance again.

“And that was Regulus.” Letting out a small laugh, Remus looked to where the man had disappeared to, looking back to see Sirius nod, absolutely in awe.

“Yes.”

“How did you survive?” Remus needed to know, desperate to see how his love defied death and was standing there in front of him.

“They shot through my shoulder; the other bullets grazed me. As for the water…I got lucky, I guess. The sea carried me to the shore, and someone found me.”

“I mourned you.”

“You don’t have to mourn me anymore, Remus.” Sirius pulled him down, their lips pressing together with the urgency of a year apart, one thinking the other was dead. The cane clattered to the floor, Remus needed both hands on Sirius to hold him close, to never let go. The taste of salt mingled into the kiss, both of them crying for the time they had lost and the futures they had found. Sirius began pulling Remus back, towards the door he had come through, and Remus gladly followed.

“Feel free to go for another walk Reg, and definitely don’t come upstairs,” Sirius called, not waiting for an answer as he pulled Remus towards the steps, pausing at the bottom to kiss him again. They barely made it to the top before the hat was knocked off and Sirius slipped the coat off Remus’ shoulders, leaving it to pool on the floor. The same hat and coat he had been wearing on that day.

“We have time, Sirius.” Remus smiled against his lips as the smaller man led him into a room that was so obviously Sirius’ something about the rumpled bedsheets and papers strewn all over the desk called to him.

“Please say you’re staying.” Remus could see the tears still rolling down his cheeks, his voice shaking with each word. Sirius brushed a thumb over Sirius’s cheek, wiping away the tears as he smiled and nodded.

“I already told Lily to leave without me. I’m not going anywhere; I am yours forever.” Sirus’ eyes found his, arms wrapped around his neck as he pressed their lips softly together, slow and yearning for everything. Giving and taking, so grounded in the moment he forgot the rest of the world existed. He hadn’t even given the crew a second thought. But they had time. That could come later.

“I love you.” Sirius pulled him to the bed, lay down and let Remus join him, kissing him breathless.

“I love you. I love you. I love you.” Remus replied, finally able to feel happiness again, the sorrows of a year of mourning washed away. He’d found his way home to Sirius by some miracle and they could finally live the dream they had wanted. This was all he could have ever hoped for. “I love you.”