Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was just another normal afternoon in Thunderclan, cats are laying around bathing in sun, or having a chat with their fellow clanmates while eating some prey, everything was calm, and everyone was having a nice day.

So imagine the clans surprise when Fireheart, of all cats broke that peace.

Just before the outburst, Fireheart was returning from some hunting with prey in his mouth as he was walking to the fresh kill pile to put it down. Fireheart just wanted to go and take a nap and relax from all the stress he's been in as of recently, what with setting up patrols, dealing with hunting, and dealing with any problems since Bluestar is still not in the best shape at the moment. Alas, Fireheart should of expected by now that he 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 get a break.

There, standing next to the prey pile was non other then Darkstripe, with a snear on his face as usual, staring at Fireheart as he walked up to it. "Well, looks like you barely caught anything again huh? Typical for a 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘦𝘵." There he goes again with the insults, as if he has nothing better to do then just mock Fireheart's heritage once again.

Truthfully, Fireheart hasn't been doing his best as of late, he's constantly try to do anything to help with the clan, and has gone many nights with little to no sleep. All that along with him be stressed has made him miss a lot more prey that he would like to admit, and sometimes just blank out when trying to think of who to send on patrols. Cinderpelt has been constantly nagging him, telling him to eat and get some rest as he's been stumbling on his feet a lot and looking like he will collapse at any moment. Fireheart only shakes his head as he tells her that it's up to him to deal with the clan and help out anywhere he can since Bluestar is still ill and he's the deputy, in which she would just shake her head and sigh, telling him to be more careful and watch out for his health.

Doing his best to ignore him, Fireheart reaches the pile and puts the prey down on it before he turns around to walk to a patch of sunlight and be at peace for a little bit before he starts setting up the sundown patrol. "What, got nothing to say because you know it true? It's such a wonder that Bluestar made you the deputy out of anyone else in the clan, there is much better picks then you." Fireheart stopped in his walk and took a slow deep breath to calm himself down, constantly repeating in his mind to just ignore him. This however seemed to just made Darkstripe insult him more. "You seem to constantly forget who your sending out for hunts and patrols, and your retched spawn of an apprentice is constantly messing up and disobeying you. Hah! And she put you as our deputy!"

Fireheart is now slowly shaking trying his best to hold it together telling himself its not worth it to indulge him. "We need an 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 clan blooded cat, not some kit playing pretend." Darkstripe then seeing Fireheart shaking a lot just snears more at him and shakes his head. "Awww, does the kittypet want to go back to his home? Can't handle the pressure?" And then, something snapped inside of Fireheart.

"NO, I CAN'T!"

Darkstripe taken by surprise stumbles back a bit as Fireheart whipped around and yowled at him, pure anger and hatred in his eyes. Gasps can be heard as the rest of the clan then turns to look at Fireheart. It is rare to see Fireheart angry, even rarer when he's mad, but never has anyone seen such pure rage and 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘥 in his eyes. Not even at Tigerclaw did he showed it. The sight disturbed and even slightly terrified some cats as they looked at him. And Darkstipe, now trembling and looking at with fear, at the eyes only set dead on him.

Fireheart himself isn't doing any better, he really tried to hold it together, he really did. But the taunting and trying to live up to everyone's expectations and trying to hold an apprentice together, along with the clan just finally fell out and once he started yelling, he couldn't stop himself from spilling out everything.

"I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE NAME CALLING, I CAN'T DEAL WITH ALL THE STRESS OF TRYING TO KEEP THE CLAN TOGETHER, I CAN'T DEAL WITH CONSTANT BERATING, TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH EVERBODYS EXPECTATIONS OF ME BEING THE PERFECT DEPUTY, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE CONSTANT SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, WONDERING IF BLUESTAR PICKED THE RIGHT CAT TO BE A DEPUTY, AND IF I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING, I CAN'T DEAL WITH THE THOUGHT THAT IF MY APPRENTICE GOES AGAINST MY ORDERS THAT HE MAY HURT HIMSELF OR WORSE! I CAN'T HANDLE IT! I CAN'T!"

By the end of his rant, Fireheart was panting, trying to take in deep breaths as he tried to calm himself down. He felt something wet on his cheeks and it was then that he realized that he was crying. He looked around at the clan, seeing everyone stare at him with shock, Whitestorm looked like if he was hit in the side, sorrow and guilt in his eyes, Sandstorm was starring looking guilty upset, with Dustpelt beside her with surprise and shock. Fireheart turns to look at the apprentice den, all the apprentices looking astonished, never seeing this side of Fireheart before, but one of them, looking the most guilty and sad.He then looks at the medicine den and sees Cinderpelt with with an upset and saddend look, her eyes almost telling him 'I told you so' as he stares back. He then slowly turns back and looks up at the high rock, seeing Bluestar, actually being out of her den and looking like if she just got slapped in the face with a wake up call.

"I just...can't." The clan now seemed to noticed just how bad Fireheart looked, his eyes faded and hollow with heavy bags under his eyes, his fur all disheveled and how thin he looks, as he now hunches in on himself a little bit, looking small and exhausted.

"No matter what I do, it's never enough for anyone. Any mistakes I do and it's blamed on me being a kittypet, or I'm questioned for being a deputy. I'm constantly trying to help all I can, but I can never take a rest because then I'll be seen as slacking off. My first apprentice got hit by a monster and I couldn't do anything to help her out, I barely got any time to be with her at all when she needed me most. I just want someone, anyone, to talk to and be friends with or just relax but nobody ever bothers to even try. One of my best friends is dead, the other is in another clan, and my last one has her own stuff to do so I'd just be a bother to her. Yellowfang is gone and Bluestar...oh Bluestar." Fireheart shakes his head and looks at the ground. "I tried so hard to make you proud, to make sure you would never doubt me." He said in such a soft voice that Bluestar had to strain her ears to hear him, "But each day, I'm always questioned if I'll run back home, or taunted and called kittypet, and you never once tried to stop it. Not once."

Fireheart then looks back up at her and can see the immense amount of guilt and distress she has as she stares back at the one she called her own kit and failed.

"So I'm done. I'm tired of this so I'm leaving."

Fireheart slowly got up and walked towards the entrance of the camp, staring at ground instead of anyone else."Fireheart! Wait! Don't go!" Cloudpaw wailed at him, distress in his voice. Fireheart stopped at the entrance but didn't look at towards the apprentice. He looks back at the clan one last time.

"You all got what you wanted, I hope your happy."

And then walks through the entrance tunnel, being swallowed up by the darkness.