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Chapter Text

The One Worth Fighting For

Chapter One: Edinburgh

“Bye Nick.”

With a final wave, Nick disappeared through the suite door. Charlie remained frozen, staring at the white panelling, trembling, new floods of tears pouring down his cheeks.

He left.

And while Charlie was assured of his affection, he couldn’t let his heart trust that Nick was going to come back to him. Charlie had said to Nick that one day they would make it work, but he didn’t believe it.

A sudden, urgent knock broke Charlie’s train of thought.

Bloody Darcy, Charlie thought, as he stepped forward. They must have watched Nick leave.

He opened the door.

It was not Darcy.

Nick stood there, wild-eyed, red-faced and drawn, but the sight of him still made Charlie’s insides clench with want.

“Nick?”

Nick didn’t say anything but wrapped his big, strong arms around Charlie and breathed in and out slowly, pressing his forehead into the side of Charlie’s neck. Charlie hugged him back, of course, momentarily pausing his overactive mind to feel the safety of Nick just one more time.

By God, he smelled so good, so sweet.

“Charlie?”

Nick’s voice was rough, that one word so tentative.

“Yeah?” Charlie’s own voice was rough, so overcome was he with this bonus hug.

Nick put a finger under Charlie’s chin to tilt his face up, and Charlie’s eyes fluttered closed and open as Nick carded his thick fingers through his hair with one hand, the other being pressed firmly against the small of Charlie’s back.

“No more waiting.”

Charlie’s eyes were open now.

“Huh?”

“I don’t want to spend another second without you,” Nick murmured, pressing pillowy lips to Charlie’s temple. “You’re my person, my favourite person in the whole world. You always have been, and I want to be with you.”

“Me?”

Nick’s words took a moment to soak into Charlie’s mind, and then he was sobbing, clutching onto Nick’s t-shirt as he cried.

“You, you, you,” Nick murmured, wrapping his arms even more tightly around Charlie.

Charlie could feel his knees shaking, but before he could collapse, Nick lifted him up and held him around his waist so his feet were a few inches off the ground. Charlie was suspended in the air for a moment, as though he was floating. Moments later, Nick effortlessly swung him into a bridal hold, then carried him through the suite’s living room and into the bedroom.

“Shh, Charlie,” Nick whispered as he laid him gently on the bed. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“You came back.”

“I shouldn’t have left.”

Charlie opened his arms up and Nick lay down alongside him, before shuffling into his embrace. Charlie’s tears subsided as Nick’s large hands smoothed up his sides before he wrapped his arms around Charlie’s narrow waist.  

Charlie pressed his lips to Nick’s forehead as he rested his head against his chest.

“What happens now?” he asked eventually, running his hand over the back of Nick’s auburn head.

Nick sighed and rolled off Charlie, and onto his back. Charlie shifted onto his side.

“I don’t know,” Nick murmured, covering his face with his hands. “I’ve got no idea how it’s going to work, what I’m going to do about Sami…” He turned his head and peeked at Charlie through his fingers. “But I want to be with you. That I do know.”

Charlie pulled Nick’s hands away from his face and kissed the back of them.

“You want to be with me, but do you want to be with Sami as well?” he asked, ignoring the pang in his chest. He didn’t want to share Nick, not at all, but he was prepared to talk about the possibility.

“No.”

Nick sat up and Charlie followed suit, before letting Nick pull him into his lap.

“No?”

“The second I returned to you, I made a choice, Charlie.”

“You’re choosing me. Just me.”

Nick cradled Charlie’s dark head in his hands and planted a wet kiss on the side of his mouth before stepping back to show Charlie his left hand. 

“Just you,” he confirmed, tugging at the gold band on his ring finger.

“Nick, do you mean it?” Charlie asked as his heart swelled in his chest. 

With hardly any effort, Nick pulled off his wedding ring and put it in the watch pocket of his jeans.

“I mean it,” Nick replied. “I’m going to file for divorce, Charlie…”

Charlie couldn’t help smiling, but he came back to Earth with a bump a second later.

“…I’ve just got to find her first.”

“Oh, yeah,” he whispered.

“Hey,” Nick said, tilting Charlie’s face up. “I just need a bit of closure. I need to know why she was so unhappy at the end, why she ran away. I don’t love her like a wife anymore, but I do still love her and I care about her wellbeing, if that makes sense.”

“It does, Nick,” Charlie said, sniffing back the sting of tears that threatened the back of his eyes, “but it doesn’t mean I have to be happy that you still have ties to her.”

“No, you don’t.”

Nick placed a soft kiss on Charlie’s forehead, and then the bridge of his nose, before lightly brushing Charlie’s mouth with a featherlight kiss.

“Mmm.”

“God you’re so beautiful,” Nick murmured. “You make such gorgeous sounds.” He placed another soft kiss on Charlie’s lips.

“More,” Charlie whispered, tilting his head up. “Just a bit more.”

Nick let out a shaky breath.

“I’m afraid that if I do much more, I won’t want to stop,” he confessed.

Charlie wanted to tell him he never had to stop, but he held his tongue. Instead, he pulled out his phone and set a timer for ten minutes.

“How about we stop when the timer goes off?”

“Genius,” Nick sighed. “Press Start, love.”

Charlie pushed Nick’s chest so he lay back, then crawled over him before pressing Start.

“Go.”

Nick lifted his head and pulled Charlie down to his lips, starting them off with a hard kiss before slipping his tongue past Charlie’s full mouth. His wide hands slipped down Charlie’s back as Charlie gripped onto Nick’s bicep with one hand and the other anchored itself into Nick’s tawny locks.

Charlie shivered as Nick’s hands stroked up the back of his head, and into his curls. And as Nick’s mouth crashed into his, over and over again, his tongue probing further each time, Charlie began to feel like he was levitating.

The alarm rudely interrupted his ethereal experience.

“No, no, no…” Nick protested against Charlie’s lips. “That wasn’t ten minutes, Char. You must have set it for one.”

“You can tell yourself that if you want, love,” Charlie mumbled before propping himself up on his elbows on Nick’s chest. “Haha your lips are so swollen!”

Nick’s cheeks went the most appealing shade of red and he brought a finger to his mouth.

“So they are.” His voice was deep and husky. “Yours are… hmm.”

“What?”

Nick’s nostrils flared as he exhaled, and suddenly Charlie found himself on his back as Nick pressed his swollen lips against his. Those same, perfect, puffy lips soon made their way onto Charlie’s chin and down his long neck. And once again, Charlie felt suspended from reality through Nick’s hot, electric touch.

“Fuck, Charlie, I want you so badly,” Nick said, almost breathless. “I missed you so bloody much.”

Charlie held Nick’s face and brushed his floppy fringe out of his eyes, before pressing his forehead against Nick’s neck.

“Me too, Nick, so much.”

“I’m going to get off you in a minute,” Nick murmured. “Any longer and I’m going to be embarrassingly hard.”

“Oh, you never have to be embarrassed about that with me, FYI.”

“Haha, good to know.”

“So just so I’m clear,” Charlie decided to say, “what is the limit on how far we go? I need to know exactly.”

“What are you comfortable with?” Nick asked.

“Nick, it’s about what you’re comfortable with, because I’m comfortable with everything,” Charlie sighed. “I want all of you in every which way.”

“I want that too, but until I’ve at least spoken to Sami, sex feels like cheating.”

“So back to my original question then.”

Nick looked up to the ceiling.

“Make out and feel each other up, stop when we’re getting hard?”

Charlie nodded.

“Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“For now.”

--

“So, you two are now a couple?” Darcy was pacing up and down the living area of the suite, while Nick and Charlie sat together on one end of the sofa, hands entwined, shoulders touching. “But on the downlow until Nick sorts out his divorce?”

“Yes,” confirmed Nick and Charlie in unison.

“And Nick, you’re aware that you might get outed as Charlie’s ‘One That Got Away’ in the press at any point?”

“I am,” Nick agreed. “My position is ‘no comment.’”

“As is mine,” added Charlie. “Especially while Nick is trying to track down his ex .” It gave him a small thrill to say the word ‘ex.’

“The lack of confirmation may make the press intrusion worse,” Darcy warned.

“I don’t care if they hound me for being Charlie’s one that got away,” Nick replied. “They’ll see that I live this quiet, boring life as a teacher and a rugby player. And if they happen to find out that Sami and I are separated, so be it…”

“Might actually help to find her,” Tilly interjected, as she snaffled another piece of shortbread.

“Yes,” Nick agreed. “But they absolutely cannot find out that Charlie and I are together now. That would be next-level intrusion.”

Charlie rested his head against Nick’s shoulder, and sighed as Nick dropped a kiss on the top of his head.

“Okay,” Darcy said eventually. “Who’s most likely to put two and two together about you two?”

“Only our school friends or family,” said Charlie. “They would have to know me and Nick, and enough about both of us to join the dots.”

“Make me a list, okay?” Darcy replied, finally taking a seat. “Next up, how are you two going to keep your relationship quiet?”

“We haven’t quite got that far,” Nick admitted. “I have zero experience of having a clandestine relationship, let alone one with National Treasure Dr Charlie Spring.”

“I don’t suppose staying apart is an option?” suggested Sahar.

“No.” Charlie's voice was steely. “It can be infrequent and undercover, but I can’t not be with Nick, now we’ve found each other again.”

“Nick?”

“Same.”

“Then you are going to have to be super-careful. One press photo and it’s all over. No coming out as a couple on your own terms. The media will be all over it.”

“I guess that means Nick and Tilly shouldn’t come tonight,” said Charlie, downcast.

“No.” Darcy’s voice cut through the air.

Nick picked up his hand and kissed him across his knuckles.

“That’s okay, love,” Nick murmured. “I don’t want to be a distraction anyway.”

“You wouldn’t,” Charlie insisted. “I’d love for you to be there.”

Nick brought his free hand to caress the side of Charlie’s face.

“Aww,” Tara sighed. “Sahar, Darce, surely there’s a way we can get them in?”

Tara’s dark eyes made contact with Darcy’s blue-greens. Darcy softened.

“I can make it work if we add Tilly on as an additional ‘competition winner.’ We’ll have to pretend you’re a sick teenager or something. Nick, you can be her guardian.”

“Hey, I did GCSE drama. I can step up to that role,” Tilly replied, grinning.

--

“And so, in conclusion, the theme of fire in Classic literature should almost never be taken literally.” Charlie spoke clearly and calmly, although there was definitely fire raging within him. “We’ve gone through some obvious, and some more subverted examples of how fire can represent regeneration, desire, trauma and healing. But most of all, fire, in so many of these examples, is love.”

He took a small bow.

“Thank you very much for your time, everyone.”

The applause was almost deafening. He waved and smiled and bowed again, before making a hasty retreat to the green room.

“OMG that was brilliant, Charlie!” said Sahar, passing him a bottle of San Pellegrino. Charlie grinned back.

“Wow, I must have been decent if you’re gushing like that,” he murmured.

“You were,” she replied, giving him a squeeze on his arm.

“And where are... you know?”

“They were in the Upper Circle with the other competition winners," Tara said, discreetly pointing a finger in that direction of the theatre. Charlie looked up, trying to suppress a smile.

“Eat your snacks, Charlie-boy,” Darcy added. “You’re about forty-five minutes away from Nicky’s hugs.”

“For the love of God, don’t call him ‘Nicky,’” Charlie said, tearing open a box of Ritz crackers while Tara opened a jar of Nutella for him.

Darcy rolled their eyes and chuckled.

--

“And here we have our last competition winners, Dr Spring,” said the stage manager, Jenny. “This is Tilly, who is sixteen, and her uncle Nick.”

Tilly, now make-up free and wearing a floral dress, cardigan and glasses, with her hair in a demure plait, came in clutching Nick’s arm, the pair of them walking slowly. Charlie’s breath hitched as he took in Nick, dressed in a grey shirt over a tight, white t-shirt and fitted charcoal chinos, his titian hair slicked back.

“Hello Dr Spring,” said Tilly. “I’m so honoured to meet you. Your show was so enlightening.”

“Thank you so much, Tilly. I’m always touched when my work connects with younger people.”

“It was phenomenal,” Nick murmured. “You really made the Aeneid accessible.”

“It means the world to hear that,” he replied, trying not to smile too much at Nick.

“Right,” began the photographer who ushered them in front of a screen. “Let’s get you three together for the pictures.”

“What happens to the pictures when you take them? Where do they get sent?” Nick checked. “Do they go on social media?”

“No, sir,” Darcy interjected. “They get sent to me. I’m Dr Spring’s publicist and media manager. As Tilly is under eighteen,” they said, giving Tilly a grin, “we have to send you the pictures for approval before anyone can use them, along with a release form.”

Nick sighed before standing on one side of Charlie, while Tilly stood on the other.

“I meant it, Char,” he whispered through a camera-worthy grin. “You were amazing.”

Nick’s large hand stroked up and down Charlie’s spine, making his knees wobble slightly. In response, Charlie let his fingers toy with Nick’s waistband at his hip.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” Charlie whispered back through his stage smile.

“Wonderful, wonderful,” said the photographer, taking several shots. “And we’re done.”

“Thanks, Jason.”

“Do you need me for anything else, Darcy?” Jason asked, checking his watch.

“Nope. Thanks for everything, and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye then.”

“Why don’t I show you out, Tilly and Nick?” Darcy suggested before Jenny could guide them back to the main theatre. “I’ve got this, Jen. I know you’ve got lots to wrap up.”

“Cheers, Darcy.”

Jenny followed the photographer out, leaving Tilly, Nick, Charlie and Darcy alone.

“You have precisely one minute to have a snog and then I’ve got to get Tilly and Nick in their car,” Darcy murmured.

Charlie didn’t hesitate. He grabbed Nick by the forearm and pulled him close.

“Char,” Nick’s voice was husky, as his hands encircled Charlie’s narrow waist.

“You look so good, Nick, so good.”

As Nick’s mouth met his, Charlie found himself lifted off the ground, and his legs wrapped around Nick’s middle.

“Stay with me tonight?” Charlie asked, pressing his forehead to Nick’s.

“Yeah,” Nick replied. “The car needs to drop Tilly in Murrayfield and then it’ll circle back to your hotel. Tara will get me to your suite.”

“You already planned this?”

Nick and Tilly nodded, and then Nick cupped Charlie’s face.

“I’m not leaving you until the second I have to leave for Skibo tomorrow.”

--

Charlie had time to have a quick shower, so when Nick arrived, he had damp hair, and was dressed in tartan pyjama bottoms with a threadbare Best Coast t-shirt. He enjoyed the way Nick’s eyes raked over him as he stepped inside the room.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Nick dropped a small rucksack by the door, and a second later, his strong arms were around Charlie, and his lips were at his temple.

“Mmm,” he murmured, stroking the soft curls at the base of Charlie’s neck. “You look so cute.”

As Charlie’s cheeks flamed with the compliment, Nick ran a knuckle along his hot cheek, which only intensified his blush.

“Did Tilly get back okay?” he asked.

“Yes, she’s fine. Buzzing, actually.”

“She is?”

“Her dastardly plans all came together. She got us together, got a day in Edinburgh, got to see your show for free as a VIP, and is going to be treated to a slap-up Scottish breakfast by her flatmate’s parents in the morning.”

“I’m looking forward to getting to know her better as an adult. The last time I met her she was four. It was at your mum’s Christmas party, and she spent most of the time ‘camping’ under the tree.”

“I remember,” Nick murmured into Charlie’s hair. “You and I snuck a bottle of Baileys and hid out with Nellie in my treehouse.”

“It was freezing, and so you wrapped your arm around my shoulder, and let me put my hand in the pocket of your hoodie.”

“That was the night I realised my feelings for you were more than friendship. I just didn’t know what to do with them. I spent the rest of the Christmas holidays doing ‘Am I gay?’ quizzes and researching bisexuality.”

Charlie looked up.

“It was?”

“After we got interrupted at Harry’s party, I buried my head in the sand about it, convinced that someone as clever and beautiful as you wouldn’t be interested in me, that I was going through a phase.”

Charlie scoffed.

“Excu-use me! Have you seen yourself?”

Nick blushed, his cheeks turning crimson, and Charlie brushed one with the back of his hand, just as Nick had done to him moments earlier.

“I accept that I’m society’s idea of attractive, but it doesn’t mean anything, unless the person you love feels that way about you.”

Charlie gently pressed the back of his neck, and he stood on his tiptoes to kiss his forehead. He could see Nick swallow back a yawn as he held Charlie’s waist tighter.

“Why don’t we continue talking in the morning? We’re both exhausted.”

“Okay,” Nick agreed. “Let me use the bathroom, and change into PJs too, and then I’m all yours.”

Five minutes later, Nick emerged from the bathroom, dressed in his own tartan pyjama bottoms and an old Vans t-shirt. When he saw Charlie, Nick’s face lit up.

Charlie swallowed hard. Keeping his hands to himself was not going to be easy.

“The last time we shared a bed was the sleepover we had just before I left for Manchester,” Nick murmured as he crawled next to Charlie.

“We wanted to stay up all night,” Charlie remembered. “We made it until two-thirty in the end.”

“And woke up spooning.”

“Um, yeah,” Charlie looked away sheepishly. “That wasn’t an accident.”

“No?”

“I got up before you, and you were dead to the world, asleep on your side. So I turned onto mine, and backed into you. A moment later, you made this snuffly noise, like Nellie used to make, and draped your arm over my waist. It was heaven, falling back asleep in your arms.”

“Waking up with you there and the smell of your shampoo up my nose was heaven,” Nick replied. “But then I became conscious of my uh, morning friend.”

“That’s why you jumped up and disappeared to the loo?” Charlie’s eyes widened. “Not because you were embarrassed about the spooning?”

“No, I loved spooning,” Nick told him. “My plan was to return and spoon you again. But by the time I’d had my emergency wank, you’d gotten up and were having tea with my mum.”

“Well shit,” Charlie mumbled. “I thought you hated it and felt guilty.”

“We really need to get better at talking to each other,” Nick replied, opening his arms up.

Charlie snuggled against his chest and placed a kiss over Nick’s breastbone.

“We will,” he whispered. “Want to spoon again?”

“Could I be the little spoon this time?” Nick asked. “I hardly ever get to be.”

“Of course, love.”

“Bedtime kiss first?”

Charlie giggled and turned on his back to receive Nick’s attention.

--

The blare of an alarm woke Nick with a start, but Charlie instantly soothed him with tiny kisses under his ear and over his cheek and wrapped an arm across his bare chest.

“Charlie?”                                                                                                          

“Shh, Nick, love, I’m right here.”

“Why am I topless, Char?”

“Beats me,” he replied, dotting a kiss on his shoulder. “You’re like a human radiator though. Maybe you took it off in the night.”

“Not another one of your bedtime sneaks, then?”

Charlie withdrew instantly and rolled onto his back.

“Not this time.”

“It wasn’t a criticism, Charlie,” Nick replied, turning onto his other side to face him. “Maybe ‘sneaks’ was the wrong choice of word.”

“Sorry.”

“No S-word.” Nick rubbed Charlie’s chin. “Just tell me why that upset you.”

“Because I felt so bad for doing it the first time, I guess,” Charlie replied. “And for you to think that you can’t sleep safely with me, when I’ve finally got you back...”

A solitary tear slid down Charlie’s cheek, and Nick leaned forward to kiss it away.

“I’ve never slept better, Charlie,” Nick asserted. “And I’ve never felt safer than when I’m with you.”

He pulled Charlie into his arms, and they held each other like that for several minutes until Nick needed the loo.

Charlie watched him go, and inside him, an anxiety rose, as if he would die if he didn’t feel Nick’s kiss right then and there. He made Nick a cup of tea and placed it on the bedside table for him, then got back into bed, but the feeling was still there. He started wringing his hands, willing Nick to return.

“Are you all right?” Nick asked as he walked back into the bedroom.

“We haven’t kissed for a whole nine hours!” he blurted.

“Well, that’s easily remedied, Char,” Nick laughed, clambering back onto the bed next to Charlie and patting his lap. “Come here.”

Charlie sat astride Nick’s lap and Nick tightened his arms around his waist before leaning in. Charlie’s fingers stroked the back of Nick’s head, and just that touch was enough to cause Charlie’s cock to stir. Charlie leaned in further and was surrounded by Nick’s scent, his warmth, the sounds of his soft breaths.

Nick cupped his face, and their lips met, moving slowly together. Charlie flicked his tongue against his bottom lip after a short while, demanding entrance, and when it was granted, his arousal skyrocketed.

Nick brought Charlie closer so that he was sitting right on his groin. As their kisses continued, tongues swirling, Charlie moaned and let go of Nick’s neck to trail his hand down his bare chest. Nick’s own hands had left Charlie’s face, and slipped down his back, before diving under his t-shirt.

An unholy groan suddenly rose from deep in Nick’s throat, and within a second, Charlie was bare-chested too, the Best Coast t-shirt decorating the floor.

“Fuck,” Charlie moaned, “your noises are so hot.”

“Hmm,” Nick agreed, tightening his arms around Charlie’s waist. “You’re so hot.”

Charlie pressed his lips to Nick’s once again, and Nick let go of Charlie’s middle to explore lower, dipping under his pyjamas, cupping his bum cheeks, which seemed to be the perfect size for Nick’s hands.

“God,” Charlie moaned. “Do that again.”

Nick obliged, and Charlie cupped Nick’s face, rocking slightly against his granite cock. They’d agreed to stop when they got hard, but now, in the moment, Charlie realised both were almost powerless to arrest their passion. It had been held back too long and was now a tsunami within.

“Please can I feel your cock, Char?” Nick whispered, then took a deep breath. “I can’t hold back. I’m rock-hard for you and I want to touch you so much and...”

“I told you, love, that you can have everything from me. You can touch me where you want, put your mouth and your cock wherever you want, I won’t stop you,” Charlie murmured. “But I’m not the one with a wife.”

Charlie saw the conflict rip across Nick’s face, his responsible streak foretelling of the guilt that awaited.

New tears spilled down Nick’s red cheeks.

“I’m s...”

Charlie put a finger to his lips and kissed the spot between his eyebrows before climbing off his lap. He lay down next to Nick, and reached for his hand as Nick’s silent tears gave way to sobs.

“It’s so hard, to be so close and yet not be able to have you, Charlie,” he cried. “But I want to be yours when we do have sex. Only yours.”

Charlie tugged at Nick’s hand, and he rolled over. Once curled against Charlie’s chest, he cried for a couple of minutes more but then calmed down.

“How are you now?” Charlie asked when Nick calmed down, as he caressed Nick’s forehead with his thumb.

“Very embarrassed,” Nick admitted. “And still fucking hard.”

“About that,” Charlie murmured. “I have an idea.”

“What?”

“Would err, mutual masturbation count as sex in your mind?” Charlie suggested. “When we get to the point we just got to, we watch each other come but we don’t touch each other anymore.”

“Probably,” Nick replied, a smile overtaking his face, “but it’s enough of a compromise for me.”

“You are so ridiculously cute,” Charlie laughed. “I forgot about your puppy-like energy.”

“So had I, to be honest,” Nick replied, looking wistful all of a sudden.

Charlie turned so they were facing each other.

“So are we doing this now? Watching each other? I’m as hard as you are, love.”

Charlie’s eyes drifted over the tent in Nick’s pyjamas and bit his lip.

“Yeah,” Nick agreed, and palmed his erection. “Strip at the same time?”

Charlie nodded, and together, they slowly removed the rest of their clothes.

“Fuck.”

“Fuck.”

Charlie’s eyes were trained on Nick’s thick, pale cock, its red tip leaking, while Nick stared at Charlie’s darker, equally dripping member.

“You’re so beautiful, Charlie. Every inch of you.”

“You too, Nicholas.”

Together, they stroked their dicks, Charlie’s eyes rolling back into his head as he pumped. The sight of him only seemed to make Nick harder, and he worked his own cock furiously; the desperation for his release was written on his face. It came only moments later, and as he caught his breath, Charlie’s hand sped up. Nick scooted closer, and as Charlie’s moans grew louder, he pointed to his chest.

“Come on me, Charlie. Paint my chest. Imagine that one day, it’ll be my hand doing what yours is right now.”

With a loud shout, Charlie exploded, spurting against Nick’s pecs.

--

“I’ll call you as soon as I get to Skibo,” Nick promised. “And I’ll text you as much as I can.”

“Same, Nick. As much as I can,” Charlie replied. “I’ll be flying home on Monday morning, and heading to Yorkshire on Wednesday with all my stuff. Hopefully we’ll be able to see each other in just a few days.”

“Yes! I can’t wait. I can help you get settled in your new house.”

“What happened to keeping things on the downlow?” Darcy said, pulling apart a croissant and eating the middle. “Seeing each other every second you’re free makes it much more likely you’ll get spotted.”

Nick took Charlie’s hand and brought his fingers to his lips.

“You don’t need that, Char, not when you’re trying to get your new project off the ground.”

“This is on the landing page of the Yorkshire Post today,” Sahar added, passing Nick and Charlie her phone.

“Spring-Watch! TV’s Dr Charlie Spring moving to Yorkshire for new Roman dig near Settle.”

“Maybe give it a week or two, until the initial buzz settles down,” suggested Tara, taking the crispy leftovers of Darcy’s croissant and spreading them with jam.

Charlie leaned back in his chair. The butler had brought a sumptuous breakfast spread to the suite’s dining area, but he had been put right off his food.

“Two weeks,” Charlie said eventually. “And we text, email or call every day.”

“I promise, Char,” Nick replied.

Charlie placed a cool hand on Nick’s jaw and turned his face so he could kiss him.  Then he turned to Sahar and Darcy.

“I want, no, I need to see Nick in two weeks. Do whatever you can to set it up so we can have two days alone.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter 2: Skibo Castle

The view across the Dornoch Firth from Nick’s bedroom window was breathtaking: a serene expanse of rippling blue-grey water, framed by moss and heather-covered hills.

Nick wasn’t paying attention, however. Instead, he was pacing in front of the window, trying to get a signal to call Charlie.  

“Nicky, you know there’s WiFi, right?” said Tilly, walking in with her suit over her arm. “But no, you’re stressing,” she added with a sigh.

“Why does Nicky need WiFi?” asked Leo, coming up behind his sister. “Oh, trying to call his new fella?”

Where Tilly was bright and colourful, Leo was demure. He was a similar height to Nick, with brown-blonde hair, but with the toned physique of a footballer rather than Nick’s rugby player bulk.

“Huh?”

Nick finally clicked into the conversation going on around him and looked at his twin cousins. Tilly waved a laminated card at him.

“WiFi, Nicky.”

“Oh, thank fuck.”

He grabbed the card, kissed Tilly on the cheek, fist-bumped Leo, and then pushed the pair of them out of his room.

Charlie answered on the second ring.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“ How was the journey?”

“The drive was fine, but I’m tired. And I miss you already.”

“Oh Nick, you’re going to make me cry. I’m about to get to the theatre,” Charlie murmured, and Nick could hear the sound of traffic in the background. “I miss you too.”

Nick sighed, and flopped down onto the ornate, wooden bed.

“This place is fucking gorgeous, but I can’t even appreciate it because I just want to be there with you.”

“You are,” Charlie replied. “’Tu in corde meo semper.’”

“My Latin’s a bit rusty, Char,” Nick replied. “Or is it Greek?”

Charlie laughed.

“If it was Greek, it would be ‘Eísai stin kardiá mou, pánta.’ Well, that’s modern Greek. In Ancient Greek, it would be…”

“What does it mean, though, love?”

“’You’re always in my heart.’”

“That’s so beautiful,” Nick replied. “And you feel that way, even though I can’t tell the difference between Latin and Greek?”

“But you have many other gifts, Nicholas. You speak French. And you’ve got fucking enormous biceps,” Charlie sighed . “I can do Latin and Greek for the both of us.”

“’Tu es toujours dans mon cœur,’” Nick mumbled. “Et tu aimes peut-être mes biceps, mais j'adore tes cheveux, et tes yeux, et juste... ton beau visage.”

“See, you speaking French is the most beautiful thing I could ever hear, far more than crusty old Latin and Greek.”

“But you love crusty old Latin and Greek, Char.”

“I do, but I love you more.”

“God, Charlie,” Nick sighed. “How the hell are we going to get through the next two weeks?”

“I have no fucking idea.”

--

“Baby boy, you’re finally here!” cried Sarah, getting up from her chair in the drawing room of the castle, which overlooked the Firth.

“Hi Mum,” Nick murmured, letting his mother wind her arms around his middle and give him a big squeeze. “Sorry we’re a day late.”

“Hmm, there’s a story to be told, isn’t there, baby?” she murmured, her reddish-brown and silver hair tickling his shoulder. “Tea to be spilled. Tea, tea, tea.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Your brother is super stressed and dumping on all of us, so maybe we talk about it tomorrow, once the rings are on and he’s had his first shag in a year?”

“What?”

Nick let go of Sarah like she was a hot potato.

“Haha, didn’t you know?” she guffawed, her rounded cheeks glowing as her face lit up. “TJ insisted that once they set the date for the wedding, they had to remain ‘untainted’ for the wedding night.”

Nick wanted to make a comment about it being just sex, but then he remembered how he was currently limiting his and Charlie’s pleasure, and bit his tongue.

“Explains why he’s been a groom-zilla,” Nick said. “The number of messages in the family Whatsapp group was ridiculous.”

“That and the fact that he’s marrying into probably the most uptight family in America,” Sarah replied.

“Mum! Taylor-Jane and her family are Democrats, which means they’re nowhere near the most uptight family in America,” Nick said. “But it will be interesting tomorrow. Were David and TJ upset that Tilly and I were late?”

“TJ was a little bit, because now there’s no cute photo of the Brothers Nelson at David’s ‘bachelor party,’” Sarah replied, and Nick tittered at her awful attempt at an American accent, “but she got over it once the booze started flowing at her own do.”

“They probably shouldn’t hold out hope of a cute photo of me and David at the wedding either,” Nick mumbled, taking a seat at the table nearest them. “Any chance of a cuppa, or will it cost us a kidney? This place is seriously posh.”

Sarah sat opposite and took hold of his hand.

“Order whatever you want. Seriously, anything. It’s all part of the package.”

“Thank fuck,” Nick replied, looking around for an attendant.

“We need to talk after the wedding, don’t we, Nicky?” Sarah murmured, not letting go of his hand. “I’m worried, baby.”

Nick’s eyes started watering. He attempted to wipe them with his free hand, but before he could, Sarah was doing it for him with a clean, lavender-scented hanky.

“We really do, Mum. Everything’s so bloody complicated,” he sighed, taking the hanky from her. “How has it been with Dad? Did he bring Martine?”

“Martine,” Sarah repeated the name with thin lips, “is allergic to grass, apparently, so it’s safer for her to stay in Paris.”

“Where there’s no grassy knolls at all?” Nick replied, shaking his head. “Nope, not a single blade of grass in the whole of the Île-de-Paris!”

Sarah laughed again.

“It’s probably a good thing she didn’t come,” she said eventually. “I think it would have been hard being here solo and seeing them together.”

“Do you still miss him?” Nick asked quietly, finally catching an attendant’s eye. “Like, do you wish you’d never gotten divorced?”

“Noo!” Sarah exclaimed.

“Is everything all right, madam?” asked the attendant, an older man with a thick, white beard, dressed in a black jacket, white shirt with a grey tartan tie, and a grey kilt. “How can I help?”

“You’re very sweet, Angus,” Sarah replied, giving the man a soft grin. Nick saw him melt and dipped his head down so he could smile to himself. “Just catching up with my youngest, here. Nick, this is Angus, the head of hospitality for Skibo, but he’s subbing in for his wait staff while they help set up for the wedding. Isn’t that sweet?”

“Very good of you,” Nick murmured, extending a hand to the man, who shook it firmly. “I’m Nick by the way.”

“Ach, lovely to meet you, Nick,” Angus said, in a light Glaswegian accent. “Your mother has been a breath of fresh air about the place. How was your trip up? From Leeds, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, that’s right…” Nick replied, turning to Sarah with a quizzical brow. “And it was nice. We made a little stop in Edinburgh en route, which was fun.”

“Wonderful, wonderful,” Angus replied, his ruddy cheeks puffing up as he grinned. “Now, what can I get you?”

“Tea for two and some of those lovely chocolates and shortbreads,” Sarah answered. “Nicky, you will absolutely love the sweets here.”

“Sounds delightful, Mum.”

“Coming right up!”

With a nod and a little bow, Angus made for the kitchen.

“So, what were we saying?” Sarah asked, checking her nails as she spoke.

“We were talking about how you definitely don’t want to get back with Dad, and now I understand why!” Nick replied, pointedly letting his gaze follow Angus’s retreating form.

“Nicholas Luke Nelson!”

“What?”

Sarah grinned.

“Look, Stéphane and I were great until we weren’t, and then it took a long time to get over the hurt of him moving to another country .”

Nick thought about Sami, running away, and how much it had hurt when she refused to leave Paris after their last trip. How empty he’d felt when she disappeared completely.

“I get that. For a long time we only saw him, like twice a year.”

“Yep, but in some ways, it was easier when he was the absent parent.”

“What do you mean?” Nick asked, leaning forward in his chair.

“Well, it was easier to hate him when he wasn’t around and I had to parent solo, while working full time. I mean, it was so hard!”

“Oh, Mum…”

Suddenly Nick was thankful he and Sami hadn’t had kids, even though the absence of them in his life was a painful chasm he tried never to think about.

“But then he redeemed himself when he met Martine. For ten years now, he’s made an effort, spent quality time with you and David. Nowadays I see flashes of the man I fell for all those years ago.”

“But you don’t want him back.”

“No, in fact, it makes me have this strange internal rivalry. If he’s doing well at work, I want to be doing better in mine. If he’s happy with Martine, I want to be dating fabulous men… it sounds petty doesn’t it?”

“No, I get it.”

Sarah leaned over and kissed Nick’s cheek.

“I love you, baby. You’ve had a rough time this year, but you seem brighter than the last time I saw you.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Nick could see Angus returning.

“Love you too, Mum.”

--

“Who the fuck has a full receiving line for the rehearsal dinner?” Tilly grumbled as she fell into step next to Nick.

They had been late to arrive, so were at the end of the queue of guests waiting to enter the dining room. The receiving line consisted of TJ’s parents Harrison and Shirley, Sarah, Stéphane and the bride and groom.

“I don’t know, Tills, maybe it’s an American thing,” Nick replied. “Stop tugging at your dress.”

Tilly shot him a disdainful look, but stopped pulling at the waist of the black and gold cocktail dress. TJ had insisted she wear one of her frocks when she found out Tilly was planning to wear an orange silk jumpsuit that evening. She claimed orange would clash with the family tartan theme of the evening.

“It’s not,” said Leo from behind them. “It’s a Bowie thing. They like to ‘do things with substance.’”

Unlike his sister, he looked comfortable in his outfit, a simple navy three piece, with a dark green tie.

“When did they say that?” asked Nick, as they shuffled along in the queue.

“Yesterday at the welcome supper, which I had to do solo while you two were gallivanting in Edinburgh,” he snapped back. “Thanks for that, by the way.”

Nick turned to Leo.

“I’m sorry, kiddo,” he replied. “If it’s any consolation though, my love life is more complicated than ever.”

“You’d better get me VIP tickets to Charlie’s next show,” Leo replied, the corner of his mouth lifting. “And I want to meet him properly. Make sure he’s worthy.”

“You had to tell him everything, Tills?”

“Twin thing,” she replied casually. 

“Seriously,” Leo persevered. “VIP tickets. Front row. You buggers owe me.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nick murmured. “Otherwise I’ll make it up to you another way.”

“At least TJ can’t stop me from wearing my suit tomorrow,” Tilly muttered, distracted by adjusting the belt on her dress. “I will quite happily be cut out of the photos if she and David don’t like it.”

“You didn’t tell her you were wearing that pink suit, did you?” asked Leo.

“No,” Tilly hissed. “I’m not stupid Leo.”

“Don’t start snapping at each other,” Nick hissed back. “We need to be in this together to survive. Now, faces on!”

“Nicholas! Salut! ” cried Stéphane, stepping forward to hug his younger son. “You are finalement here!”

“ Allo, Dad,” Nick replied, patting his dad’s shoulders. He felt his father stiffen at his use of ‘Dad.’ “Good to see you.”

“We will catch up apres dinner, okay?”

Nick nodded and moved on.

After shaking hands with Shirley and Harrison Bowie, and murmuring their salutations, Nick was in front of Sarah.

“Nicky.” Sarah held her arms open, and even though it had been only an hour since they finished their tea, Nick enveloped her in a bear hug.

“A line up?” he whispered into her ear. “For the rehearsal dinner?”

Sarah guffawed out loud.

“Tea, tea, tea,” she murmured back before planting a kiss on his cheek and nudging him along the line towards David and Taylor-Jane.

Nick took a deep breath before moving in front of his older brother.

“Nicky.” David’s tone was as snide as Sarah’s had been joyful. “Finally made it, I see.”

“Yeah.”

The brothers stared at each other. Every muscle in Nick’s body tensed as David’s steely eyes flitted over Nick’s simple, dark grey Next suit and green tie.

“Nice suit,” David sneered. “Didn’t know you even owned one.”

“This is my only one. Tomorrow I’m breaking out my finest Adidas. In pink, purple and blue.”

David’s jaw twitched for a moment before he gave a short, toneless bark of a laugh.

“Good one.”

“OMG, Nick?” TJ grabbed Nick’s arm and pulled him away from the Nelson staring contest.

“Hey TJ, how are you?” Nick grinned at her as he clasped both her hands. “You look amazing. How are you enjoying the weekend so far?”

TJ was almost as tall as David, willowy, with intricately highlighted blonde and brown hair, and she was very happy to be the centre of attention. She looked resplendent in a heather-coloured satin ballgown with a sash made of the lilac and green Bowie family tartan.

“Ah, thanks, hun,” she replied with her sing-song, sweet Minnesota accent. “It’s been a hoot so far.”

“Glad you’re enjoying yourself,” he replied. “I’m looking forward to all the festivities.”

“Really?” interjected David. “Yet you decided to detour to Edinburgh for a night.”

Before Nick could make any kind of retort, Leo intervened.

“Davy! Isn’t this all so mad? Like proper mad? We’re in a frickin’ castle! And you’re getting married!”

Leo snuck an arm around David’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze.

“Yeah, kid, yeah,” David murmured.

The distraction allowed Nick to peck TJ on the cheek and escape to the bar.

--

The rehearsal dinner took place in a private room, decorated with all the regalia, and tartan, one would expect from a Scottish castle.

As the Bowies, David, TJ and all their friends made speech after speech, Nick grew restless, knowing that Charlie’s performance would be coming to an end soon.

“God, they’re wordy fuckers,” Tilly mumbled. “Or are we just being miserable shits?”

“Bit of both I think,” replied Nick.

“Definitely both,” added Leo, who was on Nick’s other side. “I’m not used to you two joining me in the misery party.”

“I feel bad that I’m not in the spirit, but I just want to check in with Charlie and go to bed. I don’t even have words for how much I miss him right now.”

“You should attempt an escape when everyone claps this speech,” suggested Tilly. “I think it’s the last one and TJ’s bridesmaids have all been eyeing you and Leo like you’re ‘prime rib.’”

“Yeah, you’ll never get out of here otherwise,” agreed Leo.

“Dad, David and TJ would kill me.”

“We’ll cover for you,” said Tilly. “Nick, you need to take really good care of yourself this weekend. A lot’s gone on already and tomorrow is going to be full-on.”

“What are you three plotting?” asked Diane, Nick’s aunt, and mother of the twins, who was sitting on Tilly’s other side. “Stéphane has started to notice that you’re whispering instead of paying attention to the speeches.”

“He said he wanted to talk to me after dinner,” Nick murmured. “I guess I can’t sneak off now.”

“Yes, you can. He said he’d catch up apres dinner with every single Nelson family member,” whispered Diane. “I can guarantee you he’s going straight to the billiards room in a minute to talk business with the Bowies’ friends.”

“Oh.”

“If he really wants to chat, he’ll find you, Nicky,” she added, smoothing down her layered highlighted bob. “But I’ll distract him anyway, as long as you promise to be my ceilidh partner at least twice tomorrow.” She turned to the twins. “And you two as well.”

“Yes, of course.”

The speaker, a drunken cousin of TJ’s, had started to wrap up, and as soon as the applause started, Nick kissed Diane and Tilly on the cheek and disappeared back to his room.

Charlie

N: Char, I’ve snuck out of the rehearsal dinner. Call me or FaceTime when you’re out of the theatre.

C: Really? 😊 Five mins. I’m almost back to the hotel.

Nick ditched his jacket, loosened his tie, toed off his shoes and by the time Charlie’s face appeared on his screen, he was lying back against the headboard.

“Hey, Char.”

“God, it’s so good to see your face, Nick,” Charlie said, moving around the room as he spoke, a blur of olive and dark curls. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Me too!”

Charlie finally settled on the sofa in his suite, and Nick reached to touch the screen before stopping himself.

“How was the rehearsal dinner?” Charlie asked, undoing the top few buttons of his shirt.

“The food was great, and it was nice to hang out with my family and old friends, but I just wanted to be with you. I’m going to have to get my head together for tomorrow.”

“Oh love, what can I do?”

“Find a magic carpet and fly up here?” Nick chuckled. “How was the show tonight?”

“Good,” Charlie sighed, “but I really just want them to be over so I can get to my dig next week.”

“Your happy place,” Nick replied, smiling. “How are preparations going for your project?”

Charlie’s tired eyes lit up.

“Great! We’re starting with the Yorkshire phase of the project first, and the site has already been prepped by Professor Newbery and their team, so I can just turn up and dig….”

Nick sat back and took in Charlie as he spoke so animatedly about his passion. The way his mouth moved, the way his eyes crinkled, how his nose twitched as he spoke.

“…And then we should have more evidence for the role of matriarchy in Roman society!” Charlie finished. “Nick, are you still with me or did I ramble too much?”

“You didn’t ramble, love. I was just enjoying listening to you.”

Charlie’s expression softened and he lay down on his side, so Nick now had a perfect view of his bouncy hair and huge blue eyes.

“How’s your mum?” Charlie asked. “Did you tell her about me yet?”

“Not yet. She knows I have news, but we’re going to talk properly after the wedding.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“The truth, that I love you. That I want to find Sami to get a divorce,” Nick replied simply. “Are you worried about Mum knowing?”

“A bit,” Charlie confessed. “She’s the most supportive, warm-hearted person, but I’m still going to be the reason her son’s getting a divorce.”

“Char, she’ll be happy for us. She was never Sami’s biggest fan. She thought we rushed into getting married, and she was right.”

Charlie blew out a long, slow breath and his shoulders dropped.

“Have you given much thought as to how you’ll find Sami?”

“I think I’m going to have to return to Paris, sooner rather than later. I don’t think she’s there but I should do some digging of my own.”

“I see what you did there, Nick,” Charlie replied with a giggle. “God I want to kiss that mouth of yours.”

“If I was there, Char, kissing is exactly what I’d be doing. I’d have my hands in your beautiful hair, or down your back…”

Charlie’s eyes fluttered shut.

“Keep talking.”

“I want to kiss along your cheekbones, press mine against yours. I would suck along your jaw, and bury my face in your neck. I just want to be in your arms so much, love.”

“Nick, you will be, very soon, sweetheart. We just need to get through this difficult part,” Charlie murmured, not opening his eyes.

“You’re exhausted, Charlie, I should let you go.”

“Just a few more minutes,” he mumbled. “We’re going to be together, sweetheart. We’ll live in a pretty house in the country, and we’ll have dogs that we spoil rotten…”

“Oh Char…”

“And we would sleep in each other’s arms, and wake up tangled around each other.”

“And nothing or nobody would ever keep us apart ever again,” Nick finished.

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Charlie.”

“Love you, Nick. Love you.”

Nick watched Charlie drift into slumber, and kissed the screen before ending the call.

--

The wedding was as grand and full of pomp and circumstance as Nick expected. It was largely a combination of Scottish, English and American traditions in the main, with a couple of nods to David’s French side here and there. Nick had been grateful that he hadn’t been part of the wedding party, for David and TJ’s bridesmaids and ushers had been on the go since seven o’clock.

There was a lull in the festivities after the wedding breakfast, while TJ went to change, for the third time, this time into her evening outfit. Nick had taken the opportunity to go for a walk in Skibo’s grounds.

He soon found himself in a beautiful walled garden full of brightly coloured heathers, ferns and other florals. He took a seat on a bench and as there was no signal, he took the time to do some breathing exercises, and look through his folder of Charlie’s pictures. He was soon engrossed in the photos, such that he didn’t notice someone else in the garden.

“Oh, err, you’re here,” said David as he approached, swinging a bottle of Glenmorangie whiskey in his hand. “All right, Nicky?”

Nick instantly tensed.

“Err, yeah.” He gestured to his three-piece navy suit. “My finest Adidas.”

David snorted.

“You scrub up well. Tilly's suit will haunt my dreams for the rest of this year though."

"She looks amazing."

"She does," David agreed. "Don't tell TJ I said that, though."

“I wont. You look great too, by the way,” Nick replied, gesturing at David’s simple tuxedo. “Sorry, do you want this bench?”

David shifted from foot to foot before taking a seat next to Nick.

“You don’t have to go.”

“Maybe I ought to. It’s not like we get on, is it? And I don’t want to get pissed off with you on your wedding day.”

David leaned forward and rubbed his face with his hands.

“Look, I don’t really get your lifestyle choices, but I acknowledge I’ve been an arse to you.”

“Being bisexual isn’t a ‘lifestyle choice,’ David. I can’t choose who I love.”

“But you chose to be a teacher, earning peanuts, living in the back of beyond. You’re clever, decent looking and people like you. You could be anything.”

“Leeds is hardly ‘the back of beyond,’ David. It’s the fourth biggest city in the country. And unlike you, I don’t measure worth by my payslip,” Nick retorted. “Why are we rehashing this again?”

“I don’t know!” David cried. “I don’t seem to know how to talk to you.”

“Ask me how I’m doing, maybe? Ask me about how I’m coping after my wife left. Instead of focusing on my pay or ‘status,’ ask me about my school, the kids I teach, the friends I have…?”

David didn’t say anything for a moment.

“How are you?” he said after an awkward pause.

“Very up and down. Coming to terms with the end of my marriage has been hard. And if I’m honest, being here, in the midst of the biggest, fanciest wedding I’ve ever been to, has been pretty stressful.”

“Is that why you arrived a day late?” David asked, taking a swig from the whiskey bottle. “Avoiding all this?”

There was no way that Nick was ready to talk about Charlie with David.

“Err, maybe, I guess. Tilly’s flatmate’s family live in Edinburgh and it’s the Festival so…”

“I don’t blame you, to be honest. Bloody circus.”

“Ha, you’ve been the ringmaster then, Groom-zilla!”

David laughed out loud and passed Nick the bottle of whiskey.

“I fucking had to be,” he admitted. “Anything to keep TJ and her parents happy.”

“You love her that much,” Nick stated, feeling a pang of envy.

He and Sami were never like that. He loved her, or at least he thought he did, but there had been compromises he was not prepared to make, including moving. As a result Sami stayed in Leeds instead of Nick moving to Paris.

Would he move for Charlie? Uproot from the place he’d lived for nearly sixteen years?

“I do love her,” David began, taking back the whiskey bottle and snapping Nick back to the present. “But look, despite this fairytale wedding, our relationship isn't a storybook romance. There’s definitely a transactional element. This marriage is as much a business deal as it is the rest.”

“What the fuck?”

“I don’t expect you to understand. You’ve always been a soft romantic, Nick. But marrying into the Bowie family, with all their wealth and connection across the pond, is a fantastic move for my career. I’ll be able to easily break into American markets.”

Nick had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. Instead he grabbed the whiskey bottle and took a large sip as David kept talking.

“TJ gets to turn out her ‘perfect English gentleman’ of a husband, live in the manner to which she is accustomed, have babies and stay in her parents’ graces.”

“You’re right, I don’t understand. I like my simple life. I bet this whiskey bottle cost almost my monthly salary, didn’t it?”

“It’s the Glenmorangie Sonoma-Cutrer Reserve, worth nearly £2K a bottle. The Bowies ordered two cases from the distillery, because it’s Scottish whiskey matured in Californian chardonnay casks, and Shirley was born in San Jose.”

“And can you honestly say you can tell the difference between this and a bottle that cost fifty quid?”

David didn’t say anything, but instead leaned back on the bench as he took the bottle back. The brothers sat in silence for a few minutes.

“I saw your little friend from school on telly the other day… Charlie Spring,” David said eventually, passing the bottle back to Nick. “Made quite the career for himself digging up bits of stone, hasn’t he?”

Nick stiffened and felt the panic rise in his throat.

“Err, yeah. He’s done well.”

“TJ’s a bit obsessed with his Rome programme. Do you think he’d give her a private tour of the city if we stumped up?”

“No,” Nick shot back, taking a deep breath before saying anymore, lest he reveal too much. “He’s not that sort,” he added.

“Hmm,” David murmured, before checking his watch. “I should probably get going. TJ will be ready soon. Got the first dance to do.”

“See you in there,” Nick said. “Auntie Di’s making me do at least two ceilidh dances with her.”

“Ha, good luck with that.”

“Here.” Nick held the whiskey bottle out but David shook his head.

“Keep it. I’ve got another three in my room.”

This time, Nick didn’t hold back on his eye-rolling.

--

The next morning, Nick’s hangover from the whiskey, not to mention the copious amounts of champagne, meant his head was throbbing, his throat was dry, and his stomach was churning. His feet felt sore and swollen from being trodden on during the ceilidh, by Auntie Di, Tilly, Sarah and every single one of TJ’s eight bridesmaids.

He managed to order tea to the room, which he enjoyed in bed as he texted Charlie a ‘good morning,’ along with a few pictures from the wedding. Afterwards, he got himself into the shower, brushed his teeth and had a wonderful wank while imagining Charlie under the spray with him, his elegant hands roaming over his body. He dressed in a pair of khaki jeans, dark green polo shirt and his favourite Vans trainers, and was about to leave for breakfast when his phone pinged.

Charlie

C: Hey

C: Photos look good

C: Having a rough morning, didn’t sleep last night.

C: Not sure how I’m going to get through my last performance.

Nick’s heart seized up in his chest and he collapsed into the armchair in his room before phoning back. Charlie answered on the second ring.

“Hi.”

“Hey, Char.”

Charlie started sniffling and gasping on the phone.

“Sorry, I’m just so…”

Nick’s eyes filled with tears immediately.

“No s-word, love,” Nick murmured. “You’re tired, burnt out, stressed. Have you spoken to Sahar, Tara or Darcy?”

“They’ll be here in an hour. Talking stats, feedback, press clippings, reviews, lunch… oh God, I feel sick.”

“What can I do to help?”

“I don’t know. I shouldn’t have bothered you. I’ll be okay, Nick. I just need to get a bit more sleep and some coffee.”

“You definitely should text me when you feel like this, Char.”

“But I’m being so needy,” he replied before crying again. “I don’t want to annoy you.”

“Charlie Spring, you are allowed to have needs, and you’re allowed to ask for attention. I promise you that even when I’m feeling as low as you, we’re better together.”

“I miss you so much, Nick Nelson,” Charlie croaked through his tears. “I wish I could see you again, but seeing as you’re two hundred miles away, could I ask for something else? It’s going to sound a bit odd.”

“Go for it, love.”

“I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. If I don’t manage some food today I’m going to get into a pattern of not eating, and the last time that happened, I ended up at the Priory.”

“The Priory? As in the psychiatric hospital?”

“Um, yeah,” Charlie whispered. “ And I’ve really been struggling recently, but eating while you’re on the phone with me would be a help. Tara does it for me sometimes. We eat together and she encourages me when I’m finding it hard.”

Nick thought of his own plans to have breakfast with his mum.

“Okay darling. You order breakfast to your room in half an hour, and I’ll do the same. And we can have a virtual breakfast date!”

“Yeah?” Charlie’s voice sounded lifted.

“I’ll just let Mum know I’ll meet her after instead.”

“Thanks, sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too, Charlie. So much.”

As soon as they hung up, Nick picked up the phone to first order breakfast and then track down Sarah, but as he was ringing her suite, there was a knock on the door.

“Nicky? Ready for breakfast?” Sarah called.

Nick ran to open it, and before he could say anything, Sarah had wrapped her arms around his middle.

“Mum…”

“Oh, baby, you’ve been crying. What’s been going on? Sami?”

“No, yes…” he began, tripping over his tongue and rapid breaths as he spoke. “I’m not going to the dining room for breakfast. I need to have it here. It’s hard to explain but I’ve got to…”

“Whoa, slow down, Nick, take a breath.”

Sarah grabbed him by the wrist and led him to sit on the edge of the bed, before sitting next to him and wrapping a comforting arm around his shoulders.

Nick let the tears roll freely down his face as his head lolled against her shoulder.

“How did you know it was the right time to move on from Dad?” he asked when the heaving of his chest paused itself. “Like, I know he was the one who upped and left, but when did you mentally make the break?”

“If you asked me around that time, I would have said it took me about eighteen months before I was interested in someone new, but in hindsight, it was before Stéphane left. We had been fighting for ages, and I was starting to notice other men, but then I’d get angry with myself and push down the fact that he and I were unravelling.”

“I hadn’t been interested in anybody else at all since Sami left. I was just kind of waiting, hoping for her to return. But then something happened, Mum, someone. And now it’s really complicated.”

“You still love Sami, but you’ve fallen for someone new?”

Nick shook his head.

“Like I said, it’s very complicated.” He checked his watch. “And I’ve only got about twenty minutes to explain.”

“Better make it snappy then, baby,” Sarah replied, before kissing her son on the cheek.

Nick had an idea then. He picked up his phone and found the ‘The One That Got Away’ podcast.

“I need you to listen to this.”

He pressed ‘play.’

“Today, we have with us, Dr Charlie Spring,” began Aled Last, “ TV’s favourite classicist, anthropologist, and archaeologist. Now 33, he tells us a little about himself, and of course ‘The One that Got Away.’ Charlie, over to you.”

“Charlie Spring?” Sarah sounded surprised. “Your sweet school friend who’s now on the telly?”

“Yeah,” Nick murmured. “Keep listening.”

Nick had listened to the podcast four times already so fast-forwarded through the intro and the bit about Charlie’s ex, Ben, before getting to the part he wanted to share.

AL: Well then, let’s talk about the reason you’re here. The one.

CS: A much lovelier topic of conversation!

AL: What was his name? I am assuming it’s a him because you are a proud gay man.

CS: I am, and it is [pause] Let’s call him Goldie. I’d rather he didn’t get hounded when this episode is released.

AL: Fair enough. But why ‘Goldie?’

CS: Because he was pure gold. Golden retriever energy. Sunshine in his soul.

Sarah paused the podcast and turned to Nick, tilting her head and raising an eyebrow. 

“Keep listening, Mum.”

Nick pressed the play button again. 

AL: How soon did you realise you liked him?

CS: Oh, instantly. [sighs]

Studio: [Crew laughs and titters]

AL: Good looking?

CS: I mean, yeah! Tall, fair, handsome, muscular, beautifully freckled, ruddy skin, big brown eyes. I was gone the moment he said ‘hi’ to me.

“He’s talking about you, Nicky, isn’t he? You’re Charlie’s ‘One That Got Away.’”

Nick nodded, and let out a long, slow breath. 

“Yes, and he’s mine, Mum. He always has been. He’s the reason I worked out I’m bisexual. Circumstances meant we kept missing each other over the years but the instant I heard his voice on that podcast, my heart was his again. Just like that.”

“And Sami?”

“Maybe we could have worked our way back from her disappearing act, but there’s just no way now. I want to be with Charlie, only him.”

“And given that he’s famous for his documentaries and lecture series, I’m guessing he’s in Edinburgh for the Festival.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh Nick.”

Sarah cuddled her son once again.

“No wonder you’ve been so wrecked this weekend. What was it like seeing him again?”

“Painful perfection. He’s even more beautiful, even more brilliant, but life’s not been easy for him either. We just clicked back together and, and, Mum, I love him. I am absolutely, truly, madly, deeply in love with him.”

“And he’s single?”

“Yeah.”

“So what’s next with Sami?”

“I’m going to ask for a divorce. You were right that we made a mistake rushing into marriage. But have no bloody idea where she is or what happened that made her leave.”

“I didn’t want to be right about that, you know,” Sarah murmured, her shoulders sagging. “I prayed I was wrong.”

“I know.”

“It always felt like she chose you because you were safe, because you came along at the time she was ready for marriage and babies, rather than because she fell in love with you.”

“Turns out she wasn’t ready though,” Nick replied with chagrin. “Within weeks of the wedding, Mum, she started acting like Leeds, and being with me, was hell on Earth.”

“You never said, baby. I mean, obviously we figured something was up when she bloody vanished, but I thought it was totally out of the blue.”

“I was in denial, I think,” he replied. “Like you and Dad, I buried my head in the sand, trying to pretend it would get better.”

“How are you and Charlie going to work things? He lives in Kent doesn’t he?”

“He’s doing a project in Yorkshire for a few months and he could move to York University after. He’s also scaling back his media work. He’s pretty burnt out at the moment.”

“Which means you need to find Sami ASAP,” Sarah realised. “You won’t be able to be with Charlie properly until you’ve at least let her know you want an official split.” She picked up Nick’s left hand and fingered the pale ring where his wedding band used to be. “I know it wouldn’t bother some people, but you’re not ‘some people’.”

“Exactly, but her mum and sisters just yell at me in Arabic when I try to phone and I barely know her contacts in Paris. I’ve interrogated Dad and Martine as much as I can, but they know as much as me.”

“But Paris is the last place you saw her, and that’s where you have to start.”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “When I get back to Leeds I’ll start looking at flights. Hopefully it won’t be too expensive and I’ll be able to get a flight in August. Otherwise I’ll have to try for the October half-term.”

“I’ll pay for it,” Sarah said.

“Mum, no…”

“I insist,” Sarah asserted. “You need to do this, baby, or you’ll be in limbo until she deigns to return.”

“But…”

“And if you go in the next few days, you can have your dad’s place to yourself. I overheard him say he and Martine are going to Perpignan on Friday.”

“Okay,” Nick agreed eventually. “Thank you.” He gave his mother another hug. “Now, I hate to do this, but Charlie’s calling any minute so we can have breakfast together. He’s had a bad night.”

“Say no more, I’ll make myself scarce,” Sarah replied, getting up. “But come have tea with all of us straight after, okay?”

“Of course.”

With another hug, Sarah departed, and just five minutes after that, Charlie was calling on FaceTime, ready for their date.

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Three: Edinburgh to Leeds

“Lovely to meet you too!” Charlie’s face was hurting from all the smiling he’d done that evening. “Thanks, good night!”

Jenny, the stage manager, ushered the last competition winner and their partner out of the room, and Jason, the photographer, followed. When he was finally, finally alone, Charlie leaned against the door and slid to the ground.

Four performances all done. He was finally free.

He closed his eyes and took the biggest, deepest breath he could manage, then pictured Nick’s handsome face from their morning FaceTime. He had looked seriously hot, all fresh from the shower in a dark green polo. He enthusiastically tucked into a huge Scottish breakfast during their call, but all the while checked in with Charlie as he made his way through smoked salmon and scrambled eggs on toast, each bite filling him with pleasure, pain, guilt and absolution.

“Charlie!”

He felt a shove behind him as Darcy tried to get in.

“Yeah?”

With achy bones and an aching heart, he got to his feet. A moment later, Darcy, Tara and Sahar flowed in, with a bottle of champagne.

“You’re done!” cried Tara, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. “This time tomorrow, you’ll be back in Kent, and then you’ll be in your new house by Wednesday.”

“Hmm,” Charlie murmured, as Sahar and Darcy took their turns to hug and kiss him.

“Everything’s sorted for the move,” said Sahar. “Your things are all being packed in the moving van, and they’ll be there at lunchtime on Wednesday. The agent will let them in if we aren’t there by the time we arrive.”

“Why won’t we be there by then?” Charlie snapped. “We’re leaving as soon as we wake up that morning.”

Sahar, Tara and Darcy glanced at each other, and Charlie’s cheeks burned with the shame of his snappy tone.

“Traffic, roadworks, accidents…?” Tara murmured.

“Yeah, of course. I’m sorry, I’m just really tired. We should talk about the move in the morning,” he replied. “I just want to call Nick and then go to bed.”

“The car’s here,” Darcy said. “Let’s get you those things.”

They said their goodbyes to the theatre staff, and after navigating a couple of paparazzi and a handful of fans wanting selfies, Sahar opened the door of the sleek, black car for Charlie.

“Wait, what about Tara and Darcy?” Charlie glanced behind them.

“They’re going to CC Blooms with some of the theatre staff.”

“What’s CC Blooms?” 

“It’s a bar,” she explained. “Come on, in you get. You need sleep, Charlie”

As soon as he climbed into the car, Sahar shut the door behind him.

“Wait…”

“She’s getting in the front,” a deep, warm voice murmured.

Charlie turned around slowly to see Nick sitting across from him in the car.

“Oh. My. God.”

“Driver, please could you put up the divider?” Nick requested.

Charlie turned to see an opaque black divider go up between the front and back seats. With the tinted windows as well, Nick was now just a faint silhouette against the seats.

“Wow, it’s very dark.”

“Come here, Charlie.”

With a moan, Charlie threw himself into Nick’s arms and peppered his face with small pecks, until Nick cupped his jaw with both hands and pulled him in for a slow, deep, luxurious kiss.

“What are you doing here?” Charlie asked, breathless from such a thorough snog.

“I’m a teacher, love. I don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow as it’s still summer holidays. And you were so sad this morning, I just couldn’t go back to Leeds without seeing you.”

“But what about Tilly?”

“Tilly is parking the car at her flatmate’s family’s house in Murrayfield, where she’s going to crash for the night. The Reverend and his wife are both mad about her, so they spoil her rotten.”

Charlie chuckled.

“And your family?”

“David and his wife are staying at Skibo for a few more days and the rest of my family are on flights home.”

“So you’re mine tonight, is what you’re saying?”

“I’m yours, Char,” Nick murmured. “Sahar’s got it all worked out so I’m not spotted with you when we get back to the hotel.”

Charlie curled up in Nick’s lap, and his eyes fluttered closed as Nick gently massaged his scalp.

“Feels so nice, sweetheart,” he mumbled. “I might just fall asleep…”

--

Charlie woke up sprawled across something warm, firm and very comfy, a tiny draught tickling his bare shoulders. He glanced up. Nick was fast asleep underneath him, one hand wrapped around Charlie’s lower back, the other lightly cupping Charlie’s slim shoulder. They were skin to skin, both wearing just boxers.

The heat from the beautiful expanse of Nick’s skin permeated into Charlie as he smoothed his fingers across it. Nick stirred slightly as Charlie’s thumb caught his nipple.

“Hmm… Char.”

Charlie kissed him over his heart, pulled the duvet over them both and fell back to sleep.

A while later, Charlie found himself being gently moved onto his back, and his cheek and temple were then kissed softly. He opened his eyes to see Nick padding to the bathroom, so rolled over onto his front, into the hotspot on the bed that Nick’s body had left behind. He luxuriated in the leftover sweet scent and his eyes fluttered closed, but he remained awake behind them, listening out for Nick’s return.

A soft, rumbly laugh was the sound he heard first, followed by the shuffling of feet coming towards the bed.

“Enjoying your starfish there, Char?” Nick asked, and Charlie felt the huge bed dip as Nick knelt on it.

“Yeah, very much.” Charlie rolled onto his back and lifted his arms. “Come here.”

Nick used his knees to waddle over to Charlie and straddle his thighs, before sinking into his arms and burying his face against Charlie’s neck.

“Arrgh, you feel so good,” Nick mumbled, before sucking just behind Charlie’s ear.

Charlie turned towards Nick’s face and placed a palm on his cheek before leaning in. Their lips met lightly, tenderly, softly travelling over and under, under and over, and Charlie felt his heart and mind calm.

“You couldn’t stay away,” Charlie murmured. “You came back.”

“I couldn’t stay away,” Nick affirmed. “The minute I put the phone down on you after breakfast, I texted Sahar.”

“Sorry I fell asleep as soon as I touched you,” Charlie replied. “I really didn’t sleep at all last night, and it’s been go-go-go for days.”

“Char, no S-word for that. Being with you is heaven on Earth. I slept like a baby with you in this bed.”

“How did you get me here without getting papped?”

“We came in through the loading bay at the back of the hotel so I could carry you up via the service lifts.”

Charlie’s eyes started twitching.

“You carried me?”

“Yeah, and I’d do it again. Every night if I could, love,” Nick whispered.

“I’m amazed Darcy allowed it. They were so adamant that we minimise our contact.”

Nick’s eyes shifted away and looked around the room before they flickered back to Charlie.

“They don’t know I’m here.”

Instead of the anxiety that such a surprise would usually cause, Charlie found himself laughing.

“You better hope and pray that Darcy got lucky with Tara last night, because otherwise they’re going to be a banshee this morning.”

Nick joined in with the laughter.

“I’ll take my chances,” Nick replied. “They’ll learn that I’m going nowhere.”

--

“Fucks’ sake,” Darcy hissed when Sahar showed her into Charlie’s suite. They lifted their sunglasses to squint at them before dropping them again as the bright Scottish sunlight hit their tired eyes. “You’re back already?”

“Yeah,” Nick murmured into Charlie’s hair. The pair were lying on one of the sofas in the suite, Nick’s strong arms around Charlie’s slim middle as Charlie sprawled on top of him.

“We aren’t going to make it two weeks apart, Darce,” Charlie added as he snuggled further into Nick’s embrace.

“Look, my guys,” they began as Tara handed them a Coke and paracetamol, “I want you to be together, I really do, but you aren’t making life easy for yourselves here.”

“What do you want to happen next?” Tara asked, sitting on the edge of Darcy’s arm chair. She wobbled slightly, but was caught by Darcy slipping a hand around her hip.

Charlie glanced at Darcy’s hand before looking over at Sahar, who gave him a subtle nod.

“I’d like to stay with Nick until the movers bring my stuff to the new house. Then I can travel to the new house with him,” Charlie said. “I don’t need to be in Kent to pack up. It’s mostly done anyway.”

“We’re not planning on leaving my house until Charlie needs to go to the Dales,” Nick said. 

“I bet you’re not,” muttered Darcy. “What about when you’re at the new place, helping him move in? Sahar, Tara and I can’t be there.”

“I can just say I’m in Charlie’s team if any of the movers ask,” Nick added. “Part of the entourage. ”

Charlie shivered as Nick’s French accent kicked in on ‘ entourage’ .

“And what about Nick’s wife?”

Underneath him, Nick stiffened and loosened his grip on Charlie’s waist.

“I’m going to Paris for a couple of days this week, to try to find her. I’ll fly over once Charlie’s in the new house.”

“We were hoping you might help us to plan our media strategy for the next few weeks?” Charlie asked. “Please, Darcy?”

“Yeah, please, Darcy?” joined in Sahar.

“Pretty please?” Tara drew a figure of eight on the back of Darcy’s hand and looked at them with dark, baleful eyes.

“You too, Jonesy?” Darcy asked as they caught Tara’s gaze. For a moment they remained locked in each other’s gazes, before they suddenly returned to the room.

“You know you want to,” Tara murmured back. “You love planning media spin.”        

“Ugh, fine!” they cried, throwing their arms up in the air.

Charlie lifted his head to look at Nick who grinned and cupped his face to give him a gentle kiss.

--

“So this is it,” Nick murmured, as he showed Charlie into the modern terraced house, tucked away on a quiet estate, just off the main thoroughfare through the Leeds suburb of Meanwood. “I’m sure your house is much fancier, but…”

“Nick, it’s perfect,” Charlie replied, dropping his holdall in the hallway and wrapping his arms around Nick’s waist. He rested his head against Nick’s chest. “Cosy, warm and clean, just like you.”

Nick cupped Charlie’s chin and placed a soft kiss against his mouth.

“Come on, let me show you round.”

Nick led Charlie by the hand out of the small hallway and into an open-plan, modern kitchen-diner and living space. It was small but immaculate, with white units and chrome handles in the kitchen, a grey and white tiled dining table with Eames-style dining chairs, and a denim-blue corner sofa with plump cushions in front of a huge wall-mounted TV.

There were plants dotted through the space. A tall yucca took up a corner, while a trio of hanging strings-of-pearls dropped from a shelf above the sink. A fern sat on the dining table, and a striking calathea had pride of place on the coffee table. Otherwise, the décor was quite minimal, the atmosphere calm.

“This is exactly what I thought your house would be like,” Charlie said, when they stopped in front of the sofa. “You always became stressed by too much clutter.”

Charlie glanced up at Nick, thinking he’d be smiling at the memory, but instead he had gone stiff.

“What? What did I say?”

Nick shook his head slightly before taking one of Charlie’s forehead curls and kissing the end softly.

“I used to get stressed by too much clutter because I struggled to think through how to find things I needed,” he explained. “I have ADHD, Char. That’s why Truham was such a car crash for me. It was only diagnosed in sixth form, when I was at the rugby college.”

“ADHD?” Charlie replied before taking a moment to think back to their schooldays. “Oh wow, that makes a lot of sense.”

“I know, right?” Nick gave a dry laugh. “It’s why I’m involved in Special Educational Needs committees now. The SENCO provision in schools was terrible when we were at school, and it’s still pretty bad, but we’re trying.”

Pride and love lurched through Charlie. Trust Nick to take something that caused him so much misery, and use it to help others.

“You’re amazing,” he told Nick, before picking up their joined hands and kissing over each one of Nick’s knuckles.

“I’m not,” Nick whispered, his cheeks colouring red. “I’m a mess. You deserve better than–”

Charlie covered Nick’s mouth with his palm.

“Promise me, Nick, that when you get the thought that you don’t deserve me, you’ll imagine my voice telling you how much I need you, want you and love you. That’s what I did when you were in Skibo. Because I feel that way too. That you are way too good for me.”

“Well, obviously that’s not true, but I see what you mean. Maybe we can’t yet believe this is going to work out, when our history has been so bumpy.”

“Maybe,” Charlie replied. “But please, promise me.”

“I promise, love. And you.”

“I promise.”

Silently, Nick led Charlie out of the living area and up the stairs of the townhouse.

“This is my bedroom,” said Nick when he showed Charlie the master. “It’s got an ensuite shower too.”

Simple navy sheets covered the huge king bed, with navy throw cushions shot through with pink and violet thread. The only picture on the wall was a large, framed photograph of a beach with rock pools above the bed, and after a moment Charlie recognised it as the beach he and Nick had gone to before Nick left for Manchester.

There was an alarm clock and a photo of Nellie on the bedside table, but that was it.

“Apart from the absence of fairy lights and Nellie sprawled across your bed, this could be your teenage bedroom, love,” Charlie murmured, clutching Nick’s hand. “There’s not really anything of Sami’s in here.”

“No,” Nick replied. “She moved upstairs about a month before she left. At first, she said it was because she was working with clients in the States and didn’t want to disturb me by being up late, but then she moved all her clothes and stuff up there.”

“What has she got left in the house?”

“A couple of bits of computer equipment, some winter clothes, but that’s it,” Nick said. “But then, she didn’t bring over a lot of stuff. She’s even more of a minimalist than me.”

“Could we…?” Charlie began. “No, never mind.”

“Sure,” Nick replied. “Follow me.”

Nick took Charlie’s hand and led him up the second staircase to the top floor. One room contained a large desk with a computer monitor on it, some dumbbells in the corner, and a gym mat. The other had a double bed covered in a beautiful gold, ochre and red geometric-patterned bedspread, a plain wardrobe and a dressing table with a couple of hair clips on it. In between was a small white bathroom with jack-and-jill doors.

“That blanket came from Morocco,” Nick said. “It’s from her family and she loves it but she left it behind, and that’s the only thing that made me wonder if she was planning to return.”

Nick sounded sad, and Charlie couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that took hold of him. He’d loved her enough to marry her. What if she returned, wanting him back?

“Let’s head back downstairs, love,” he suggested, swallowing down the green-eyed monster. “I’d like to see your room again.”

“Yeah?” Nick said. “Anything in particular catch your eye there?”

“That bloody huge bed appeals greatly,” Charlie replied, turning to wink at Nick.

“Oh.”

They entered the room and Charlie immediately went to lie on the bed, smoothing his hands over the brushed cotton duvet cover.

“This feels nice,” Charlie whispered. “Your bed is comfy.”

Nick leaned against the doorjamb and his chest heaved up and down, highlighting his strong frame.

“Yeah?”

Charlie glanced over, and had to swallow as he took in Nick’s dark-eyed expression. It was like he was desperately thirsty, and Charlie was ice-cold water.

“Smells nice, like you... fresh.”

Nick didn’t move, but nodded.

“I use those Lenor blue sprinkle things in the wash,” he replied softly after a couple of moments. “Long-lasting scent.”

“Good decision.”

Charlie stretched out, pointing his toes and lifting his arms above his head, twisting his shoulders and his torso to release the tension in his muscles after their long drive from Edinburgh. When he looked back at Nick, his dark eyes were trained on the strip of skin revealed by Charlie’s t-shirt riding up. Charlie idly rubbed the spot below his belly button, and stroked down his dark happy trail, under the waistband of his shorts and back up.

Nick swallowed hard again.

“You kind of look like Bambi caught in headlights over there,” Charlie murmured. “Are you okay?”

Nick welled up all of a sudden, and a single tear rolled down his cheek.

“Yeah, just...”

Charlie was off the bed like a shot. He pressed himself against Nick, cupping his face, kissing his cheek, hoping that it wasn’t because he missed Sami.

“Oh my sweetheart, what is it?”

“Char, it just feels so... right , you being here,” Nick murmured against Charlie’s temple, his large warm hands holding him about the waist. “You looked so beautiful just then, lying in my bed, and God, so hot. I just had this flashforward to us living together in the future, and being able to be with you all the time. To be able to touch you all the time.”

Relief flooded Charlie. He took Nick by the hand and led him to the bed. They sat down next to each other, fingers entwined.

“I still can’t quite believe you’re here with me,” Nick continued, “and it feels like I’m on a rollercoaster. Ecstatic one moment, terrified the next.”

“Same, my love,” Charlie murmured. “I’m so happy, and so scared all at the same time. I mean, you’ve only seen a snapshot of my crazy life.”

“And you haven’t really seen any of mine. My life is so boring compared to yours, especially when school starts again.”

“Not boring, just different,” Charlie replied. “Look, I don’t know how it’s going to work, but I know I desperately want it to. And I’ll fight for it to work.”

“Me too, Char. I’ll fight too.”

--

“You’re very at home in the kitchen,” Charlie observed from his spot on the kitchen counter as he sipped from a glass of Pinot Grigio.

While Charlie had unpacked some things upstairs, Nick had started dinner, and was now deftly chopping up salad vegetables in between stirring a risotto, and checking on a loaf of garlic bread that was warming in the oven.

“I guess,” Nick replied, flashing Charlie a coy smile. “I like cooking, and I love food so…” Nick’s voice tailed off.

“As we have established, my relationship with food is complicated,” Charlie said, sliding off the counter and coming to stand next to the hob. “And I’m a terrible cook, which doesn’t help.”

Nick dropped a small kiss on the top of Charlie’s head.

“Are you sure this is okay?”

“Nick, if I was by myself I would have had a bowl of cereal and a banana. This is amazing.”

Nick stroked the side of Charlie’s face with one finger, but there was movement on the street outside, and he suddenly turned towards the window.

“Sorry,” Nick mumbled. “I just…”

“Nick, it’s okay,” Charlie said, clutching his hand. “We promised Darcy we’d be vigilant, and that’s what you were doing.”

Nick nodded, and left Charlie’s side to close the kitchen blinds.

“I guess we should keep all the curtains and blinds closed while you’re here,” Nick said. “The last thing we want is for one of my neighbours to spot us together.”

“Do you get on with them, the neighbours? Are they the sort that would pop round?”

“Not really. It’s a friendly street. People say hi and take parcels in for each other, do each other’s bins, but I’m not, like, friends with them. And I don’t know them well enough to predict what they’d do if they caught a glimpse of you in my house.”

“Better to be safe than sorry, then.” Charlie picked up the wooden spoon and stirred the risotto. “Am I doing this right?”

Nick came up behind Charlie and held his hand over the wooden spoon.

“Like this,” he murmured, guiding Charlie to stir the pan. “Stirring it makes the risotto super creamy.”

Charlie leaned back against Nick’s chest.

“Genius.”

Nick’s left arm wrapped around his waist and Charlie reached up with his right hand, to stroke the back of Nick’s neck.

“Early night after this?” Nick whispered into Charlie’s hair. “I think we could both do with some rest.”

“Yeah.”

After the delicious dinner, and a dessert of chocolate truffles that Nick and Charlie pinched from the hotel before they left Edinburgh, they went upstairs.

“Did you want a shower before bed?” asked Nick in the hallway. “I’ll get you a towel.”

“Nick—”

“Do you have toothpaste? Obviously you can borrow mine. And do you—”

Charlie grabbed his hand and pulled him into a hug.

“Nervous, love? We slept in the same bed last night, but if you’d rather I can sleep elsewhere.”

“No!” Nick cried. “I want you with me so much. I want you so much.”

Nick glanced down and back up again before licking his lips.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“What if we did the thing we did in Edinburgh?” Charlie suggested. “Then a shower?”

Nick paused, and sighed, bringing up his fingers to rub his temples. 

“I’d love to.”

“But…?”

“Guilt,” Nick said simply. “I’m not being fair to you, giving you so little when you’re so generous with your love. But then I’m not being fair to Sami, moving on without telling her.”

Charlie stepped back from Nick, but held onto his hand. 

“I can’t resolve that feeling for you, Nick,” he said. “You made a decision not to have sex with me until you’d told Sami you wanted a divorce and I respect that, even if I don’t agree with it.”

“I know,” Nick replied, kissing the inside of Charlie’s wrist. “I just wanted to do the decent thing.”

“Nick, you could argue that the moment you kissed me, the moment you touched me, the moment you told me that you wanted to be with me and not Sami, you were unfaithful,” Charlie said. “I don’t want to keep going over this,” he added, “but not sleeping together after all that kind of feels like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.”

Nick dropped Charlie’s hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, and he sat down on the edge of the bed. 

“You’re so right,” Nick murmured. “I’m a terrible person.”

The thought of Nick hating himself because of his feelings made Charlie well up, and he sat down next to Nick.

“You are not,” he asserted, sniffing back the tears. “We’re just in a really messy situation. And I want you to know that despite what I just said, I don’t want you to feel any pressure to go further than what we’ve done so far.”

“I know,” Nick replied, slipping his arm around Charlie’s waist and kissing his cheek. 

Charlie looked up and caught Nick’s intense gaze, which flickered towards Charlie’s mouth and over his body before meeting Charlie’s eyes again. His large hand cupped Charlie’s knee.

“Could we shower together?” Nick suggested. “It’s a decent-sized walk-in.”

Charlie took Nick’s chin between his thumb and forefinger before giving him a small kiss.

“Love to.”

They stood up together. Charlie pulled off his top, and reached for the hem of Nick’s. Nick raised his arms up, and his t-shirt was also lost to the floor.

“Socks, Char.”

Charlie toed off his socks and then gestured for Nick to lift up his knee. Then Charlie reached down to pull off his sock. Nick immediately put his foot down and offered up the other one.

“Jeans, sweetheart.”

Charlie’s nimble fingers made quick work of Nick’s fly before attending to his own, so they were standing there in just underwear. Charlie flashed back to the first time he and Nick were bare in front of each other, just three nights ago, and his mouth watered.

“One day, Charlie, one day fucking soon, I promise I’m going to touch you the way you deserved to be touched,” Nick said, as he pulled down his boxer briefs and kicked them away.

“I know, love.”

Charlie slipped his boxers down his legs, his breath almost catching in his throat as he felt Nick’s eyes on him again. He didn’t need to look at him to know that they would be full of love. Love and lust.

“This way.”

Nick held out his hand, and Charlie took it, following Nick’s Adonis-like figure to the bathroom. He was right, the walk-in was a decent size. Nick let go of Charlie’s hand to turn the water on, and after a few moments, steam started to fill the bathroom.

“Is this temperature okay?”

Charlie stuck his hand in the water.

“Perfect.” He stepped into the shower, and held both hands out to Nick. “Coming in?”

Nick smiled, took Charlie’s hands and let himself be pulled under the spray.

“Can you touch yourself for me, Char, while I wash your back and your hair?”

Charlie was eternally grateful that he had unpacked his toiletries earlier.

“Use the purple bottle on my hair, okay, love? Otherwise I’ll look like Young Einstein.”

Nick guffawed and placed a kiss on Charlie’s shoulder.

“I’d love to see that,” he murmured, as he picked up the purple bottle. “Now, take hold of that beautiful cock of yours.”

Charlie reached for some shower gel to use as lube, and wrapped his fingers around his dick. As Nick worked his curl shampoo into his hair, Charlie worked his erection, the dual stimulation taking him higher.

“Feels nice.”

Nick’s chest was pressed into Charlie’s back as he massaged Charlie’s scalp and watched Charlie pleasure himself at the same time. Charlie wriggled so that Nick’s cock was nestled between his arse cheeks.

“You’re determined to make things hard for me, aren’t you, Charlie?” Nick mumbled.

“I don’t see you complaining, love,” Charlie replied, clenching his cheeks.

Nick moaned and stopped massaging Charlie’s head.

“God, you’re so hot, so gorgeous, so fucking sexy.”

Nick wrapped both his arms around Charlie’s slim waist and shuffled them both forward, under the spray to rinse the shampoo out of Charlie’s hair. Once the suds had gone, his mouth was on Charlie’s shoulder, nipping along the ridges. Charlie threw his head back in ecstasy as he pumped his cock faster, rubbing his arse against Nick.

Nick’s fingers were splayed against Charlie’s chest, but as he continued to suck his collarbone, they trapped one of Charlie’s nipples between his fingers and squeezed, causing Charlie to cry in delight, tipping him over into an explosive orgasm which spilled against the shower screen.

“Bloody hell, that was amazing,” he panted, tilting his head back to meet Nick’s.

“I’m so close and I haven’t even laid a hand on my cock.”

“I could rectify that, but that really would be pushing it.”

Nick paused for a moment.

“I want to cross that line so badly, the line I set,” he croaked into Charlie’s ear before cupping his chin with one large hand. “I just need a bit more time, Char.”

“I know you do,” Charlie murmured back, as Nick trailed wet, hot kisses along his neck. “So in a minute I’m going to turn around and do my conditioner while you wank off.”

Nick sighed and with a final suck under Charlie’s ear, released him.

“My cock,” Nick took hold of his erection, “fucking loved being surrounded by your beautiful bum.”

“Yeah?”

Charlie reached for his conditioner and worked it into the ends of his hair.

“Mmm.” Nick was pumping faster now, his eyes roaming Charlie’s lean body, lingering on his chest, his lean tummy and his softening cock.

“Close?”

Nick nodded, his face red, and if he wasn’t under the spray, Charlie knew he would have been sweating.

“Just imagine when you get to actually put that gorgeous cock inside my beautiful bum,” Charlie teased, turning around slowly. “I can’t wait.”

“Would you fuck me too? Or do you prefer bottom only?”

“I’m vers, sweetheart. I’ll fuck you if you fuck me.”

“God, Charlie, I want that.”

Charlie bit his lip as he gave Nick a wicked smile.

“I bet you’d be so tight. I’d suck your big cock first, then tease your hole with my tongue, and then—”

“CHARLIE!”

Nick spurted great ropes of seed across Charlie with such force, some landed on Charlie’s cheek and his newly conditioned hair.

For a second they stared at each other as Nick caught his breath, and then burst into peals of laughter.

“Well, if you wanted to condition my hair as well, you should have just said so!”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Four: Paris

From: <tryconverttryagain>

To: <curlyofcarthage>

Subject: Paris in August

Sent: 10/08/23 21:03

Dear Charlie

It took me less than five minutes here to remember why I avoid Paris in August. It’s so hot and humid that my t-shirt is sticking to me in the most God-awful places, and most of my favourite haunts are closed for the summer. There are tourists EVERYWHERE.

My dad and Martine are heading to Perpignan to avoid the summer madness, so I’ve got his apartment to myself from the morning. Sami’s friends are meeting me for lunch tomorrow so hopefully that will throw up some ideas as to where she is. Then I’m going to try to find Sami’s family.

How are you? I hope you’re settling into the new house, with that gorgeous view of the rolling Dales. I can’t wait to be with you, watching the sunset over those hills.

My beautiful Char, we’ve only been apart a day and a half, but it feels like a year. The only thing getting me through this trip is the thought of our reunion. I can’t wait to feel you in my arms again, run my fingers through your hair and kiss you until we can’t breathe. Then kiss you some more.

All my love

Nick

PS: Thanks for putting me in touch with your lawyers. They emailed me back. They can get the divorce paperwork started, but I need an address and next of kin details for Sami before they can actually file the papers.

From: <curlyofcarthage>

To: <tryconverttryagain>

Subject: Re: Paris in August

Sent: 11/08/23 06.46

Dear Nick

I would rather be in hot and humid Paris with you than anywhere else. I’ve been trying to fill the time unpacking, and with research and planning for the dig, but I must admit, I’m distracted.

I’ve lost hours remembering our time together in Edinburgh and your house in Leeds. Your touch, your smell, your kisses, your hands as you held me… I miss you so much, even more than before.

The new house is so quiet. I haven’t seen a soul since you left apart from the grocery delivery driver. I wore glasses and a cap but I don’t think he recognised me anyway as he was trying to get done as quickly as possible.

I hope your lunch with Sami’s friends goes okay and you get some clues to track her down.

Yours, always

Charlie

Sami’s friends had chosen Buvette, in the district of Pigalle, for lunch. It wouldn’t have been Nick’s first choice, but he didn’t want to be fussy. It had taken some persuasion to get Céline, Mathieu and Abdel to meet him, and he still half-expected them to cancel.

He arrived early, and after letting the host know he would need a table for four, he took a seat at the bar to wait. He ordered a citron pressé and pulled out his phone.

Charlie

N: Morning, how are you?

C: Hi! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you til later. What about lunch?

N: I’m here, waiting for Sami’s friends.

C: Are you nervous?

N: Terrified. They don’t know me very well. I feel like they see me as the English interloper who stole their friend.

C: Do you think they blame you for her disappearing act?

N: Yes.

N: I don’t know whether to tell them I want a divorce, or whether to play the desperate husband.

C: You do want to make sure she’s okay. Maybe lead with that?

N: Yeah, good idea.

N: I miss you so much, Char. I’m craving you.

C: Don’t. I want to be with you so badly.

N: I’ll be with you in less than three days, and then I’m all yours until school starts.

C: Can’t wait. Did you see that the house has a hot tub?

C: Wanna see a picture? (featuring me in very tiny shorts lol)

N: Charlie!!! The last thing I need is to be hard while I get through this lunch.

C: Okay, I’ll refrain from sending you a pic then.

N: I mean… you could send it to me later? 😉

“Nicholas?”

Nick looked up from his phone to see Céline, Mathieu and Abdel at the entrance to the restaurant. He could tell, from their disdainful looks and semi-scowls, that this lunch was going to be hell.

Afterwards, Nick decided to walk from the restaurant back towards his dad’s apartment in the 5th Arrondissement, even though the humidity was horrid. En route, he picked up a large sandwich au jambon beurre and a citron pressé from a street vendor, because the portions in the restaurant had been tiny, and he dared not order more than Sami’s arty friends; he could feel their judgement burning through his Gap t-shirt and chinos. 

He decided to divert to Le Jardin du Luxembourg, one of his favourite Parisian gardens. And it wasn’t busy, so he found a quiet bench to park for a while and eat his sandwich.

Charlie

C: I’m guessing Sami’s friends have turned up. Hope lunch goes well.

C: And as promised…

C: <Picture of Charlie, topless, in a wood-enclosed hot tub>

Nick almost dropped his sandwich.

N: OMG

N: Charlie Spring, you cannot do that to me.

N: God you’re so hot

N: The things I want to do to you

C: I can’t wait

C: How was lunch?

N: Fucking disaster with bird-size portions

N: I’m currently devouring a ham baguette in the park

C: Oh Nick… I’m free if you want to call

Nick finished his food, and then put in his ear buds, picked up his phone and pressed FaceTime.

“Hi!” Charlie answered on the first ring. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Is that okay?”

“Yes!” he replied with gusto.

“You look so gorgeous,” Nick murmured. Charlie was reclining against a dark grey sofa, wearing a black long-sleeved top. A tight one. “What have you been up to today?”

“A bit of reading, and I set up my drumkit in one of the spare rooms,” Charlie said, smiling softly. “I played a bit, and then I wrote my meal plan for the week.”

Nick took a deep breath. In Edinburgh, Charlie had told him about some of the difficulties he had with eating sometimes, especially when he was stressed. It had only made Nick love him more.

“Sounds much better than my afternoon so far.”

“What happened at lunch?”

“They stonewalled me for most of it.”

“God, really? That sounds awful.”

“The way they see it, I made her leave Paris because I wouldn’t move here.”

“Did you?”

“Kind of,” Nick admitted sheepishly. “But my whole life is in Leeds. My job that I worked so hard for, my friends, my rugby team… she had a remote-working job and nowhere near the same strong ties to Paris, because her family now live in Morocco. I honestly didn’t have to do much persuading. As soon as I set out my argument, she agreed.”

“But they still see it as you stealing her and making her unhappy.”

“Yep. They were so awful, Char.”

“What happened next?” 

“It was only when I got frustrated to the point that I was about to walk out, that they admitted they hadn’t heard from her since Easter, like me, and they didn’t know where she might be.”

“Did they tell you anything useful at all?”

“Only that she told the agency she was working for that she was leaving because she was going freelance, which is more than I knew before.”

“Did she have enough contacts to work as a freelance graphic designer?”

“To be honest, I have no idea,” Nick admitted. “I’ve come to realise that there were many things about Sami I knew nothing about.”

“What did you talk about when you were together?”

“When we were friends, we talked about so much stuff. Travel, TV, movies, books, my teaching, her art and design aesthetics. We hung out, did stuff together, explored the city, ate at amazing restaurants, and then we talked about those experiences.”

“And after you became a couple?”

Nick’s gaze shifted away.

“Um...”

“Oh.”

“Sorry, Char.”

“Why are you apologising, love?” Charlie murmured. “You were a single man, in a new relationship with a woman who is so beautiful she might have even had a shot at turning me.”

“The thing is, I didn’t fancy her at first. We were genuinely platonic friends for ages. And then that Christmas, I don’t know. Something changed. She started to show an interest in me, and I was so lonely her attention was intoxicating.”

“Did you still have that sexual connection by the time she left?”

Nick shook his head.

“She was like a caged lioness, angry and frustrated, although she’d never tell me exactly why. Very occasionally, she would want me to fuck her. I’d oblige because she would be worse to live with if I didn’t, but most of the time she just wanted to be left alone.”

Charlie was quiet, and Nick didn’t know what to say in response.

“Do you ever…” Charlie began, but then paused.

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“No, tell me, Char. Please,” Nick replied. “I want you to always be honest about how you feel. It’s shit that you’re burdened with the dregs of my marriage, and that it’s keeping us apart.”

Charlie rubbed his face up and down before running his hand through his wild, curly hair.

“Do you miss her?” he asked in a quiet voice. “Where would things be if I hadn’t come back into your life?”

It was Nick’s turn to pause.

“It’s weird because there were days and even weeks where it was like she was never in my life at all. I didn’t think about her, I wouldn’t miss her. I was focussed on my work, rugby, training and my friends. But now and then, for a moment or an hour, or even a whole day, I would miss her intensely.”

“So how do you know that you won’t miss her again like that?” Charlie asked. He let out a shaky breath and Nick’s heart lurched as he noticed Charlie’s eyes darken and glass over. “You described her as intoxicating. When you find her again, what if that happens all over again?”

“It won’t, Charlie,” Nick replied sharply. “God… how do I explain?”

Before he could attempt to, however, there was a tap on his shoulder.

“Nicholas? C’est toi?” (Nicholas? Is that you?)

Nick turned to see Jean-Pierre, his dad’s downstairs neighbour, standing next to him. He was wearing a smart jacket and wool trousers, and a wool cap over his fuzzy white hair, despite the heat.

“Bonjour Monsieur Jean-Pierre, comment allez-vous?” (Hello Mr Jean-Pierre, how are you?)  Nick replied politely. “Charlie, can I call you back? I just need to say hi to my dad’s neighbour.” 

“Sure,” Charlie murmured, and ended the call before Nick could say anything in reply. He turned to Jean-Pierre and put on a smile.

“I’m okay, thanks,” Jean-Pierre said, in his tobacco-roughened voice. “ Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt your call with your friend.”

“No problem. I’ll call him back later.”

“Ah, the Face Call. The wonders of modern technology ,” Jean-Pierre sighed, and took a seat next to Nick on the bench. “How are you? Your dad told me you and Samira are not together anymore.”

“It’s complicated, ” Nick said. “She left and I don’t know where she is, or what she wants.”

“Ah, that girl. Always running at the first sign of trouble. First Luc, then Guillame, now you.” Jean-Pierre patted Nick’s shoulder. “I’m guessing you’ve been out to Taroudant?”

“Taroudant?” Nick replied. “What’s that?”

“You mean ‘where.’ Taroudant is where Sami’s family are from in Morocco.”

“I thought they were from Marrakech,” Nick said. “Her mum and sisters live there.”

“Her mum and sisters moved from Paris to Marrakech after Samira’s father Claude died, but the family is from Taroudant, in the Anti-Atlas Mountains. Samira spent all her childhood holidays there.”

“How do you know that, Jean-Pierre?”

“Ah, that girl was not always so aloof, Nicholas, ” he replied, his weathered eyes crinkling as he smiled. “I travelled in Morocco extensively in my youth, and when she moved in, we talked about our favourite places in the country.”

“Why did she become aloof?” Nick wondered out loud. “Even at our closest, there was a distance between us.”

“I don’t know, dear boy,” Jean-Pierre replied, patting Nick’s shoulder.

“Did Sami mention which family she still had in Taroudant?” Nick asked. “Her mum and sisters aren’t speaking to me. I don’t know what she’s told them. Every time I call, all I get is a stream of vitriol in Arabic.”

“She used to spend time with her cousins, she said, but that’s all I can remember, Nicholas,” Jean-Pierre said, standing up. “I must go. I’m playing pétanque with my friend Remi. Come by the apartment for coffee sometime, okay?”

“I’ll try to pop in tomorrow or the day after before I go back to England.”

As soon as Jean-Pierre was out of sight, Nick called Charlie back but it went to voicemail. He called again, but when he didn’t pick up for the second time, Nick decided to text.

Charlie

N: Oh love, I’m so sorry about the interruption.

N: Please can we talk later?

N: You have to know that ever since you came back into my life, I can’t think of Sami or anyone else.

N: I love you Charlie Spring. Please text or call me back.

Nick waited, walking around Jardin du Luxembourg for nearly an hour, but Charlie didn’t text or call back. Finally, he headed back to the apartment, where the first thing he did was to open his email.

From: <tryconverttryagain>

To: <curlyofcarthage>

Subject: It’s you, only you

Sent: 11/08/23 16:07

Dear Charlie,

Please believe that now that you and I are together, you are the only one I want and need. I know now that Sami and I were over even before you came back into my life, but the uncertainty of how she left things meant that I didn’t know where I stood with her. The attention Sami gave me when we were getting together is what was intoxicating, rather than Sami herself. At the time, I was so fucking lonely. All my friends were getting married and having kids, and I just couldn’t get past second dates with anyone.

I know now that my heart was waiting for you.

But then Sami, who had been my good friend for a couple of years, came along, and she knew what I wanted to hear, because I’d basically told her! She learned how to seduce me, and that’s what she did. I got caught up in a whirlwind that Christmas, and before I knew it, she was coming home with me. Then with Covid, everything moved super-fast. But once we were married, I was lonelier than when I was single. It was like I’d signed up for a diet of rice cakes instead of pizza.

Do you remember our pizza parties? Sharing in front of the TV, Nellie trying to snatch bits of cheese and pepperoni… I loved you so much then. And I love you now, even more.

When I said I used to miss her, it was true then, but it’s not the same anymore. You are the only one who matters. And you are the only reason I’m desperately trying to find her. You deserve all of me, and until I’ve got the divorce going, she and I are a family in the eyes of the law. But we never were a family.

And being a family with you is all I want.

Please call me, Charlie. I love you.

Nick.

After sending the email, Nick moped around his dad’s flat for a while, before returning to his laptop. Charlie hadn’t emailed or texted. Before he closed the computer again, he decided to Google the town Jean-Pierre had mentioned.

Taroudant.

It didn’t look like a very big place on the map – a small walled city in the south of Morocco. Sami had never mentioned it to him. As far as he knew, home was Paris, where she grew up, and Marrakech was where her mother moved to when her father died.

Suddenly his phone was ringing. He jumped up to answer the call.

“Nickyyyy!!”

Disappointment rippled through him. Not Charlie. 

“Hey, Tilly, what are you up to?”

“Hi Nicky!!” came a chorus from behind her.

“I’m in the car with Tom, Leo and Asma,” Tilly trilled. “We just picked Leo and Asma up from the station and we’re going camping in Holmfirth! We just thought we’d check in.”

“Camping sounds amazing,” Nick murmured. “Now I know Tom, Tills, because he’s your flatmate, but Asma…?”

“Hiya,” came a soft Liverpudlian, feminine voice. “I’m Leo’s neighbour, like.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“How’s Paris?” asked Leo.

“Hot,” Nick grumbled.

“Any sign of Shifty Sami?” Tilly replied.

“No. Her friends were distinctly unhelpful. But according to Dad’s neighbour she has family in a little place in south Morocco, so I’m just starting to research there.”

“Oh yeah,” Leo piped up . “Taroudant, where her mum’s family lives.”

“How the fuck do you know that and I don’t?” Nick exclaimed before pausing. “Sorry Leo, that was rude of me.”

“It’s okay, Nicky. I’d have said something earlier but I assumed you knew,” Leo replied.

“I didn’t until today. Seriously, Leo, how do you know about Taroudant?”

“The last time I stayed in your spare room, I asked Sami about that nice Moroccan bedspread she had, and she told me her uncle made it in his workshop.”

“Her uncle made it?” Nick said. “I knew it was from her family, but I didn’t know that. Maybe that’s why she loved it so much.”

“The address on the label says the workshop is in Taroudant,” Leo said. “M.Othmani and something.”

Nick’s heart started racing. Othmani was Samira’s Moroccan surname. 

“Hang on, there’s an address? An actual address with a postcode?”

“Yeah,” Leo confirmed. “Why?”

“Because it means a contact, a lead. I have to do something, Leo. Char–” Nick suddenly stopped talking, remembering that Tilly and Leo weren’t alone. “Um, if I have an address, it means the lawyers have an address to send the papers to.”

“Nicky’s going through a messy divorce, Asma,” Leo explained. “ Nicky, Asma’s sister’s going through one too, isn’t she?”

“Yeah, it’s been awful for our Miriam.”

“Sorry to hear that,” Nick murmured.

“Nicky, we’re gonna go, ‘cause we’re nearly at the campsite,” Tilly said. “Safe journey back from Paris, send us updates.”

“Will do, kiddos, have a great time camping.”

“Bye Nicky!”

Nick hung up and then screamed in frustration. He’d travelled all the way to Paris, and the answer was in his bloody spare room?

On impulse, Nick grabbed his phone, earbuds and keys, and went for a walk.

As soon as he stepped outside, he regretted it. The Parisian heat was still oppressive, and a sheen of sweat covered his face within moments. Still, he kept walking, wandering through the buildings of La Sorbonne.

Charlie

N: I’m at La Sorbonne. Even though it’s so fucking hot, I needed to get out of the apartment.

N: I remembered you taught here. Wasn’t one of your early programmes filmed in Paris?

N: I wish you were with me, my darling Char. Please talk to me.

Nick kept walking, making it across to Parc Rives de Seine, where he bought another citron pressé and took a seat on a shaded bench opposite the river.

“Ça va, Monsieur?” (Are you okay, Mister?)

It was a little girl of about seven, dressed in a pink, floral jumpsuit and little green Crocs, chocolate smudges on her face. She had long, dark, curly hair and blue eyes. Nick felt the yearning for Charlie punch him in the gut first, followed by the too-familiar yearning for a child of his own.

“Je passe une mauvaise journée, mais je vais bien,” Nick replied. (I’m having a bad day, but I’m all right.)

“Quand je passe une mauvaise journée, le chocolat me fait me sentir mieux,” she told him seriously. ( When I’m having a bad day, chocolate makes me feel better.)

“Merci pour la conseil,” Nick said, feeling slightly better. (Thanks for the advice.)

The little girl giggled and ran off. Nick laughed.

“Things will get better.” He spoke out loud, into the universe. “Charlie will call me and I’ll find Sami quickly.”

He took a sip of his drink and sat back on the bench. A second later, his phone buzzed.

Charlie

C: Nick, my love! I wasn’t ignoring you!

C: I hope you didn’t worry. I had an urgent video call with Prof Newbery.

C: The project’s not going well and he’s stressed.

C: I saw your email, and oh God, I want to see you so badly. I love you.

Nick called Charlie straight away.

“Nick,” Charlie sighed, his voice sounding slightly hoarse. “Are you okay?”

“No.” Nick felt tears prick against the back of his eyes. “I thought you hated me.”

“Never,” Charlie murmured. “Why, my love?”

“You didn’t text me or call me, and I panicked,” Nick said. “It sounds stupid when I say it, but when I didn’t hear from you, I thought I’d fucked up.”

“You didn’t, Nick,” Charlie replied. “I believe you when you say you don’t and won’t miss Sami. It’s just hard being apart after getting to be with you for three whole days. All my doubts started to creep in, and when my head’s like that I struggle to eat.”

“Oh Char. Did you manage something?”

“Yeah, eventually, but it was pretty rough for a while. My sister called though, and I managed to have a decent amount while she was on the phone.”

“Good,” Nick said. “Obviously, being apart from each other has stressed both of us out.” 

“If I could get you from the airport on Sunday, I would, but I’ll be waiting for you here, love.”

“Char, I’m going to come home tomorrow instead of Sunday.”

“Huh?”

“I just don’t want to be here, or anywhere, without you.”

“Can you do that? Won’t it cost a fortune to change your flight?”

“I don’t care,” Nick said, wiping the tears that now flowed freely. “I’m sick of Sami and Paris and holding back from you.”

Nick heard Charlie suck air in through his teeth.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Nick?”

He glanced at his left ring finger. Thanks to the Parisian sun, the pale band of flesh was now almost the same colour as the rest of his finger.

“Yes, Charlie, I am saying that. I’m ready. I want to be with you properly. I’m done with waiting. I want to show you how much I love you.”

“But what about holding back until you could tell Sami about the divorce?”

“I’ve got a lead on an address for her uncle in Morocco. If I can give that to the lawyers, it should be enough to file the divorce papers. And I’ll email her again, and I’ll tell all her fucking horrible friends too. I’ll announce it in Le Monde and The Times, and reopen all my socials if I bloody have to.”

“Do you mean it, love?” Charlie’s voice was raspy now too. “Promise?”

“Charlie, I promise. I’m coming home to you as soon as I can.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Five: Kilnsey, Yorkshire Dales

After consulting with Sahar and Darcy, Charlie had rented a large, secluded barn conversion on the edge of Kilnsey, about five miles from the dig site near the small Dales town of Grassington. Kilnsey had an outdoor centre with a lake and farm that was popular with local families, fishermen and tourists, but the house was tucked away amongst the hills, up a gated, private road; any paparazzi trying to get photos would be trespassing if they went past the visitors’ centre.

It had seemed a good decision at the time, but now, isolated and missing Nick, Charlie found himself wandering aimlessly around the unfamiliar property. The supermarket delivery driver had been the night before, so he was fully stocked with food. In Kent, Charlie never kept more than a couple of days’ worth of groceries in his kitchen, but that wasn’t practical in the middle of the Dales where the nearest supermarket was several miles away.

Charlie had, therefore, a massive fridge full of fruit, veggies, meats, fish, milk and cheese. Cupboards filled with dry goods. A bread bin. Ice cream bars, peas and ice in the freezer.

And he couldn’t face eating any of it.

Ever since Nick had gone to Paris to try to find his ex-wife the previous day, Charlie had been on edge. He had tried to ignore the feeling, and took photos of himself in his tightest swimwear for Nick, pushing down the self-hatred. Yet eventually, it roared back at him, and his eating, always a bit precarious, had ground to a standstill. His stomach was screaming at him, but his head was screaming louder.

Food is bad. No, food is good. But if you eat, what will you look like? But if you don’t eat, how will you be able to dig on site tomorrow? You’re such an idiot Charlie. You’re so fucking ugly. Nick regrets getting involved again. He feels obliged to be with you after the podcast. He must be pining for his supermodel wife deep down…

After another hour, analysing and debating, Charlie managed a glass of water and a coffee with a splash of milk in it. His tummy quietened slightly, and he sat down at the dining table to read his emails.

Sent: 11/08/23 12.59pm

From: <A.Newbery @ york.ac.uk>

To: C.F.Spring @ kent.ac.uk>

Subject: URGENT! Project difficulties

Dear Charlie

Please could we catch up ASAP? I know you’re due to be on site tomorrow but we have run into some serious problems getting the study off the ground in Grassington. The weather and logistics of site access have meant that we’ve not been able to do any mapping or marking.

I’m available on the phone or on Teams anytime, even if it’s late.

Many thanks

Andy

Charlie felt sick again. He’d been planning to go to the site at dawn, so keen was he to get started.

Quickly, he sent an email back asking Prof. Newbery to call him on Teams in an hour. He got up to get another coffee, and suddenly felt faint. He forced himself to make it back to the kitchen, and reached for a small bag of salt and vinegar crisps.

His phone beeped around ten minutes later, just as he was finishing the bag. He expected it to be Nick, who had texted a few times since they’d spoken earlier in the afternoon, but it was his sister.

Tori

T: How’s the new house, Charles?

T: Michael wants a virtual tour.

Charlie called her immediately on FaceTime.

“Hi.”

“Tori,” he croaked.

“Shit, what’s happened?”

“So much, Tor. So fucking much.”

“Tell me.”

Charlie saw his sister sitting in her favourite armchair, a blanket over her knees despite it being summer, her black cat, Wednesday, on her lap. Tears spilled down his face as he talked about how tired he was, how his difficulties with food were returning. He talked about the podcast, about Nick and about an irrational worry that Nick was settling for him.

Eventually though, with Tori on the phone, Charlie managed to eat some more. A banana, a bowl of Cheerios and milk and two Babybels. The food-guilt was still there in the background, but quieter than before.

“Well done, Charles,” she murmured. “Now go take your meeting with your colleague, and then phone Nick. Until you speak to him, your head will stay full of that negative crap.”

“How do you know that Nick isn’t hooking up with his ex or someone else right now?”

“Charlie, he isn’t Ben and you can’t start this new relationship comparing him to that shithead,” Tori replied, with a hint of sharpness in her tone. “Besides, Nick Nelson couldn’t lie for shit when we were kids, and I doubt that’s changed. He’s a golden retriever in a human body.”

“Thanks, Tori.”

“Go on, now.”

“Bye.”

--

Professor Andrew Newbery was one of the country’s foremost Roman archaeologists, so when he told Charlie that the site they’d picked for excavation was almost impassable, Charlie knew he wasn’t exaggerating.

“The problem is that the site is on a slope, and the road has been damaged from the recent storms. So even though we’ve got good weather forecasted for the next week or so, we won’t be able to get the digger there for at least a month.”

“Could we move onto one of the other sites? The town site in Settle? Hexham or Coniston?” Charlie suggested. “We need less time there than in Grassington.”

“We don’t yet have the permits for Settle or Hexham, and the council up in the Lake District won’t let us start the dig in Coniston until the end of the tourist season in October.”

Charlie sighed and rubbed his face.

“What’s accessibility to the Grassington site like on foot?” he asked.

“Fine. It’s muddy, but there’s a bridleway that runs a quarter kilometre from the site,” Andy replied. “Why?”

“Could we just do the mapping and marking the old-fashioned way? Mark quadrants with string and excavate by hand?”

“We could, but we don’t have enough manpower to do the digging and move the soil out the way. It would take our small team at least six weeks to cover that kind of ground. We won’t have any undergrads to help until the end of September.”

“Yeah,” Charlie realised.

“Yep,” Andy agreed with chagrin. “It’s looking like we’ll have to wait a month until the road opens.”

“Look,” Charlie said, “I really want this project going. Could you give me some time to think about it and make some enquiries? I’ll email you as soon as I get anything.”

“Of course, Charlie,” Andy replied. “But until then, I’ll put out the pause notice.”

“Okay. Talk to you soon.”

“Bye.”

As he closed down the video call, he noticed an email notification from Nick to his private account. His hands started to shake. Was Nick about to tell him he’d found Sami?

From: <tryconverttryagain>

To: <curlyofcarthage>

Subject: It’s you, only you

Sent: 11/08/23 16:07

Dear Charlie,

Please believe…

Charlie read the email Nick sent three times, his heart calming and his body relaxing with each word he took in. He then picked up the phone to text his love.

--

Charlie’s phone rang at ten o’clock that evening. Charlie was dozing on the sofa, so the phone startled him and he jumped up in panic.

Could it be Nick already?

The phone rang off and immediately started ringing again.

“Tori?”

“What’s your gate code, Charles?”

“What? Why?”

“Because we’re at your gate! Duh!”

“You’re here? In Yorkshire?”

“Yes. Now are you going to let us drive to the house or are we going to have to hike?”

He gave her the code, and five minutes later he saw Michael’s slightly battered Jeep Grand Cherokee coming up the driveway.

“Hi,” he murmured when he opened the door and saw Tori coming towards him.

“Hey,” she said. “God, we haven’t stopped since Leicester and I need a fucking wee.”

“And what a bloody journey,” added Michael. “My foot’s so sore from all the clutch and brake action on those winding roads.”

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked, as he wrapped his arms around his sister. She patted his back, then his cheek, and then put her hands on her hips.

“Loo?”

“Just past the stairs.”

Charlie pointed, and Tori scuttled in that direction, while Michael pulled in a large holdall, a cat carrier and bed, and a large Tesco Bag for Life full of cat food and toys.

“So…?”

“Tori says you need us,” Michael replied simply. “Come here, Charles.”

Michael pulled Charlie into a tight hug, ruffling his curls before shaking his own, light brown ones out of his eyes.

“It’s been a bit rough, yeah,” Charlie said when Michael let him go.

“Sometimes I think you find it harder when you get close to things you want, than when you’re far from them,” Michael replied, lifting the Bag for Life into his arms. “Like something inside you doesn’t believe you’re worthy of happiness. Which you absolutely are, obvs!”

“Um…”

“So where’s the kitchen?” he asked. “Got ice cream in here under Wednesday’s food. Chocolate fudge brownie, your fave!”

Charlie pointed towards the kitchen and Michael ambled through, as Charlie stared after him.

“All right?” Tori asked a moment later, peering up at him through her thick, straight, dark fringe. “Why are you standing still like that?”

“Just uh, thinking, how glad I am that you chose Michael as your emotional support human.”

“Yeah, well, Wednesday doesn’t have opposable thumbs,” Tori shot back, before lifting a grumpy Wednesday out of her carrier. “Come here, missy.”

“You brought your cat for the weekend?”

Wednesday peered back at Charlie with big green eyes before curling around Tori’s neck.

“And?” Tori’s and Wednesday’s eyes narrowed. “Is she not welcome?”

“Of course, Victoria,” Charlie replied, unable to stop a smile pricking at the corner of his mouth. “Hope you like Yorkshire, Wednesday.”

Wednesday miaowed before closing her eyes and nuzzling against Tori’s cheek.

“Come on. We’re having banana splits.”

Charlie’s tummy lurched at the thought of ice cream late at night, but when Tori held her hand out to him and gave it a comforting squeeze, the feeling went away.

--

Nick

N: 03.56am: Good morning Char! I’m at the airport.

N: 05:53am: I managed to get on a 7am flight! I’ll text when I land.

N: 08:34am: I’m on the train back from the airport but it’s sooo slow! Can’t wait to see you.

N: 09:58am: Right, I’m back at my house. Grabbing some stuff and will be with you by lunchtime. I love you, Char, so fucking much.

Charlie stared at Nick’s messages, then stared at the time, and then stared at the messages again.

It was 11.45am. He had slept for a solid twelve hours, and Nick would be here soon.

He shot out of bed and into the shower, then changed into fresh jeans and a light, cream linen shirt. A slight whiff of onions and chilli drifted up from the kitchen as he got ready, along with the quiet chatter of his sister and her partner.

“Good afternoon, ” Michael called from the stove where he was stirring a large pan of onions, peppers and courgettes.

The whole counter was covered in bowls and plates of ingredients, but it was still neat and tidy.

“Hey, what are you making?” Charlie asked.

“Fajitas,” said Michael, glancing at Charlie over his rimmed glasses briefly before stirring the pan again.

“Good choice,” Charlie murmured. “You remembered I like Mexican food.”

“Yeah. You were so sparked out when we got up, I just decided to make lunch, with enough for leftovers. How are you?”

“All right, but a bit on-edge. Nick’s arriving this lunchtime. He managed to get an early flight out of Paris.”

“Cool!” Michael put a hand up to high-five Charlie, who tapped it after a beat. “Your man’s on the way! And from what I remember from Truham, Rugby King Nelson’s a fine specimen of a human.”

“He’s the best,” Charlie sighed.

“Hope he likes these,” Michael said. “I brought my own special spice from home.”

Charlie grinned as he thought of Nick cooking in his own kitchen.

“He’ll love it,” he replied. “Where’s Tori?”

Michael pointed at the open bifold doors with a wooden spoon.

“She and Wednesday have gone down to the bottom of your garden. They’re rather enamoured of your view,” Michael said. “You should join her. I’ll yell down when Nick arrives.”

“Okay.”

Charlie poured a glass of water from the fridge dispenser, and headed down, past the hot tub, to where Tori was sitting on a rattan garden sofa, her pale skin protected by a huge sunshade.

“Charles,” she murmured. Her eyes remained trained on the view of the hills, crags and Great Whernside’s majestic domed summit in the distance, but she pulled out one of her earbuds. “How are you?”

He took a seat next to her.

“All right. Where’s Wednesday?”

Tori pointed to a spot on the lawn, in full sun, where Wednesday was stretched out, eyes closed.

“She hardly ever goes out at home so this is new.”

“I thought cats weren’t supposed to go outside for a while when they go to a new place.”

“Regular cat rules don’t apply to Wednesday,” Tori replied. “Anyway, you look better.”

“I couldn’t have looked much worse, could I?” Charlie laughed tonelessly. “Shocker, I need food and sleep to live.”

“Hey.” Tori leaned over and squeezed his wrist. “You told me what was going on when I called you. You ate something when you were on the point of fainting. You took care of yourself when it mattered.”

“Michael said yesterday that he thinks I struggle when things are starting to go really well,” Charlie replied. “What do you think?”

“Maybe there’s something in it,” she said. “I think that you were so in love with Nick that when he left at the end of Year 11, it set you up for expecting disaster if you loved too much.”

“Yeah?”

“Think of the times you’ve relapsed in the past few years,” Tori continued. “When you got your second book deal and worried about living up to expectations, instead of celebrating your success.”

“When I was going out with James, and he was hinting at moving in together after we finished our PhDs,” Charlie realised. “He was lovely, and adored me. Yet I stressed so much about everything that could go wrong, I made myself ill and pushed him away.”

“So now, your OG love is back, and he wants to be with you but it’s messy, at the same time as you moving across the country for a super-exciting new study, and it’s just blown your inner mind.”

“Damn, Michael should be a therapist,” Charlie replied. “One tiny comment and I’ve had this huge moment of clarity.”

“You need to find a new one,” Tori told him. “Geoff isn’t going to come out of retirement because Nick’s back in your life.”

Suddenly, a warm, fuzzy body was winding itself around Charlie’s legs and purring. He reached down to pick Wednesday up, and placed her gently on his lap. She nudged his hand for strokes and purred again when he obliged.

“I guess Wednesday wants to be considered for the role,” he chuckled.

“Why do you think she’s here?” Tori whispered, leaning over to kiss her fuzzy black head.

“Tori! Charlie! A big, blue Qashqai’s just coming up the driveway!” called Michael from the kitchen.

“That’s Nick’s car!” Charlie exclaimed, passing Tori Wednesday. “Coming?”

“In a minute,” Tori murmured.

Wednesday protested loudly at being moved.

“What’s up, Wednesday?” Charlie asked.

“Just take her with you,” Tori told him. “She’ll tell you when she’s ready to move on.”

Charlie rolled her eyes but picked up Wednesday, who crawled up Charlie’s chest and curled around his neck, and walked back into the house.

--

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You seem to have acquired some interesting neckwear, Char,” Nick murmured as he stepped into the hallway. Charlie’s tummy filled with butterflies as he came closer. “Something to do with the Jeep in the driveway?”

“My sister and her partner are here,” Charlie explained. “Remember yesterday I was having a rough time with my eating?”

“Yeah, and your sister got you through it.”

“Well, they surprised me by coming up last night. Wednesday is Tori’s cat.”

“Oh, love.” Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie’s waist and dropped a kiss on his forehead. “I’m so sorry it got worse while I was away.”

“I’m sorry I played down how bad it’s been. It’s been a daily struggle since before I went on Aled’s podcast, but yesterday was the worst it’s been for a long time.”

“Well done for telling Tori when she called, and me later. I’m so happy she and her partner were here for you last night.”

“I’m so happy you’re here now,” Charlie whispered, leaning into Nick.

Wednesday suddenly miaowed loudly.

“What’s up, sweet girl?” Nick cooed, stroking her under her chin. “Thanks for looking after my Charlie for me. Isn’t he the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen?” He glanced up as he spoke, and Charlie felt the ripple of desire turn into a wave.

Wednesday rubbed her ear against Nick’s hand, and clambered down Charlie’s chest before curling up on her cat bed.

“So, uh, where were we?”

“Come here, love.”

Nick wrapped both his arms around Charlie’s back, lifted him easily, and kissed him deeply.

“I missed you,” Charlie panted when they broke apart for air. “I missed you so much. How long are you going to stay?”

“I don’t have to be in Leeds until a week on Monday, Char.”

“And you still mean the thing we talked about yesterday?”

Nick ran one hand through the curls on the back of Charlie’s head, and brushed his lips with his.

“I mean it. All of me is all yours,” Nick promised. “And I can’t wait to show you—”

“God, show him when we leave,” Tori cried. “Nick.”

Nick’s cheeks flushed red. He rubbed his thumb across Charlie’s cheek and let him down before turning towards Tori and Michael.

“Hey, Tori, it’s good to see you again,” Nick said, not letting go of Charlie’s waist. “And uh, Michael, is it? You look familiar.”

“I was in the year above you at Truham,” Michael said. “’Skater-Guy?’”

“Oh wow, yeah,” Nick replied. “You were like, Olympic level, right?”

“Yeah,” he murmured, “until I got injured after Sochi. I work for British Ice Skating now, as a manager.”

“Awesome,” Nick said.

“Michael’s made lunch,” Tori said, pointing to the kitchen table. “Fajitas.”

“That’s great, thanks Michael!” Nick exclaimed. “I love Mexican food.”

“So does Charlie,” Michael replied, grinning.

Nick and Charlie followed Tori and Michael into the kitchen and sat down at the table, which Michael had already laid.

“Do you remember, Char,” Nick began, picking up the water jug and pouring some for everyone. “Not long after we became friends, and you came round to mine for a Mario Kart marathon one Saturday evening?”

“We were about to order pizza when your mum returned early from a bad date at a Mexican restaurant,” Charlie remembered. “She brought home a takeaway.”

“She charged it to her date’s card!” Nick added with a chuckle. “It was the first time we’d ever tried fajitas, wasn’t it, love?”

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed, and Nick covered his hand.

“Ugh, you two were sickeningly cute with each other back then,” Tori grumbled. “You’re nauseating now.”

“Sorry, not sorry,” Charlie retorted, taking a couple of tortillas and a pile of hot chicken and vegetables.

“How’s the dig going?” she asked. “Weren’t you supposed to be there today?”

“Ugh, no, bit of a disaster,” he replied.

As they ate, Charlie explained the setback.

“So unless we can somehow find ten to fifteen people to climb up the hill and dig the ground out for us by hand, we have to wait until the digger can get up the main road.”

“What a drag,” Michael said.

“I’m so annoyed,” Charlie admitted. “If I’m distracted by work or company I enjoy, I'm much more likely to eat better, so I really don’t want to sit in this house twiddling my thumbs.”

He pointed to his almost empty plate. He had managed two fajitas, a large handful of tortilla chips with guacamole and a pile of salad.

“So there’s nowhere to get people to dig the ground up for you? Can’t you pay some casual labourers?” asked Tori.

“Prof Newbery has looked into it, but so far, there’s nobody.”

“I might know someone,” Nick murmured.

“Sweetheart, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to be on site. If someone saw us together—”

“No, love, I don’t mean me, although you know I’d help out in a heartbeat if I could,” Nick replied. “If all you need is a bunch of people with energy and a shovel, then why not ask the local high school rugby team to help? All the Year 11 and 12s will be needing a project they can put on uni applications.”

“Do you think they would?”

“If their coach asked, I think so,” Nick said. “And I just so happen to be very good friends with the rugby coach of the local high school, Priya Singh. She used to teach me in Manchester, but moved up here to be with her wife about ten years ago. We hang out regularly on the Yorkshire Schools Rugby circuit.”

“Can’t hurt to ask,” Tori agreed.

“They’d probably jump at the chance to meet Dr Charlie Spring!” laughed Michael. 

“I don’t think I’m that famous, Michael. Teenagers aren’t exactly my target audience.”

“Charles, you’re the closest thing to a celebrity this place will have seen in a decade,” replied Tori. “Didn’t you say you were on the cover of the Yorkshire Post?”

“Anyway,” Charlie said, feeling self-conscious, “how do I get in touch with her without going through you? It’s the summer holidays.”

“Priya runs rugby camps in school holidays,” Nick explained. “So she’s at work all summer. Just email her.”

Nick tapped into his phone and sent Charlie the school’s website and Priya’s contact card.

“Thank you,” Charlie murmured, and was rewarded by Nick placing a soft, slightly wet kiss to his temple.

“So, uh, what are we going to do for the rest of the day?” asked Michael.

“The thing is, Charlie and I can’t be seen in public together,” Nick replied, pushing a stray sliver of onion around his plate.

“Darcy’s orders until the press interest from the podcast dies down,” Charlie explained. “It’s only a matter of time before the media work out I was talking about Nick, and if we’re then spotted together, we won’t get a moment’s peace.”

“And it’ll jeopardise the dig,” Tori realised. “So what, you’re just never going to leave the house?”

“Not together, but it’s only for a few months,” Nick said. “Once I’m divorced, we’ll start to go out together openly.”

“We still need a plan for this afternoon,” said Michael. “It’s a gorgeous day.”

“Why don’t you guys go out for a walk, maybe find the local pub?” suggested Nick. “I really need a nap after my 3am start, then I’ll get a workout in and email my lawyer.”

“Workout?” Michael’s eyes lit up. “What are you thinking? I’m crazy about running these days but need to do better with strength training. You seem like a strength training guy.”

“Mainly it’s just all the rugby,” Nick explained. “But I keep a gym mat and adjustable dumbbells in the car for on-the-go workouts.”

Tori rolled her eyes.

“A walk is a good suggestion, Nick.” She picked up Wednesday, who was circling around the dining table, fishing for bits of chicken, and deposited her on Nick’s lap. “You can get to know Wednesday while we’re out.”

--

“How can you two climb such a big fucking hill and not be dying?” Tori panted as the gate to the main estate came into view. She rubbed sweat off her brow and then wiped her hand on her black linen dress. “I take it back. Nick made a bloody stupid suggestion.”

“Round these parts, this is barely a hill,” Charlie replied, inhaling deeply to take in the clean, fresh Yorkshire air. He pointed to Great Whernside in the distance. “Look at that.”

“I’ll admit, that mountain is gorgeous.”

“It’s a fell, not a mountain,” Charlie said. “I could go into the details, but I’ll bore you to tears.”

“Yeah, don’t,” Tori replied.

“Here,” Michael passed her some water and checked Google Maps. “I reckon we’re about ten minutes from the pub, Tor.”

“You’d better buy me a Guinness.”

He picked up her hand and dropped a small kiss on her palm.

“You know I’ll buy you the world, love.”

Mollified, Tori took Michael’s arm. They followed Charlie past a set of cottages built in dark Yorkshire stone and a pretty lake where a handful of people were fly-fishing.

“So, how long are you guys here for?” Charlie asked. “You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

“We’ll be heading back tomorrow,” Tori said. “You and Nick need alone time to be disgusting with each other, and besides, Michael has a date with Dylan tomorrow evening.”

Charlie stopped and turned to look at them. Michael turned a little red at Charlie’s scrutiny, and ran a hand through his brown, blond-tipped, shaggy curls.

“Dylan? Date?”

“Your friend from school, Isaac, put us in touch,” Tori said. “You know he runs the Kent Asexuality Awareness Group?”

“Yeah…?”

“Dylan is allo and pan like me,” Michael explained. “Their spouse Santi is aro-ace like Tori. The four of us get on really well, and we’ve been hanging out most weekends for the past few months.”

“Santi and I realised pretty early on that Dylan and Michael were attracted to each other. One night we all got high together and out of that came an arrangement. Dyl and Michael spend time together, the two of them, and Santi and I do the same.”

“So Michael and Dylan have sex?”

“Maybe.” Tori shrugged. “Michael isn’t under any obligation to share what happens on their dates. And I’m not under any obligation to share what I talk about with Santi during our meet-ups.”

Charlie leaned against a nearby oak tree.

“This feels like not enough and too much information all at the same time.”

“I don’t expect you to understand, especially now you’ve reconnected with Nick. You’re very allo, and monogamy’s always been your vibe,” said Tori.

Charlie opened his mouth and closed it again.

“Are you happy?” he said eventually.

“Yeah,” Tori murmured before looking at Michael who nodded and gave her a soft smile. “Dylan and Santi have made our relationship with each other better.”

“It really works for us,” Michael said. “And it’s working for Dyl and Santi too.”

Charlie stepped away from the tree and gave Michael a hug, before turning to Tori and wrapping his arms around her too.

“Then I’m happy for you,” he said. “Now let’s get a drink.”

They kept walking, joining a main road for a couple hundred metres until the pub came into view. It was a beautiful, large stone building with ivy growing up one side. There were a couple of tables outside the main entrance, but the beer garden on the other side was stunning, a neat patio with round oak tables that faced the spectacular craggy, rocky hills.

“Guinness for you, Tori?” Michael asked as they stepped inside.

“Yeah, a half.”

“Charlie?”

“I’ll see what they’ve got on draught,” he replied. “You?”

“Strongbow.”

Charlie was prepared for double-takes and camera phones, as was usually the case when he went out and about. Yet as he, Tori and Michael walked into the pub, the buzz and noise descended into complete, abject silence.

Charlie looked around, and every single patron was staring at him, even the little kids.

“Do I have something on my face?” he joked feebly.

“This is well creepy,” murmured Tori. “Usually people flock for selfies when you go places. This lot are looking at you like you’re a circus freak.”

“Let’s just get drinks and sit outside,” suggested Michael before approaching the bar. “Hi, could we get a half of Guinness, a pint of Strongbow and a, uh, pint of Magic Rock.” He turned to Charlie. “I’m making a decision for you.”

“Good shout.”

The woman behind the bar, a middle-aged lady with dark hair in a plait, nodded and started pulling the pints. The silence turned into soft murmuring, and people looked away, but the atmosphere still felt tense.

“That’ll be £13,” the barwoman murmured in a strong Yorkshire accent, putting the drinks in front of Michael. She then turned to Charlie. “Hope you’re all reet after t’interview, Dr Spring. We heard you was staying in t’village.”

“Sorry, what interview?” he asked. “I haven’t given an interview in ages.”

The barwoman pulled out her phone and showed him the Daily Mail website.

Exclusive: Dr Charlie Spring’s ‘One That Got Away?’ School friend reveals all!

“What?”

“Whole pub saw it on Jono’s iPad,” she said, waving a hand in the direction of a burly bald man with a flat cap, who nodded and raised a pint glass. “Seemed like a right li’l shit, that guy. Naming and shaming some poor teacher as your man! Knob!””

Charlie looked around at a sea of unfamiliar faces, all looking back in sympathy, and immediately pulled out his phone.

Darcy

Twenty-three missed calls

Thirty-six messages

“What was the guy’s name?” he asked the barwoman, his voice a croak. “The one who gave the interview.”

“Harry,” she said. “Harry Greene.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Six: Kilnsey to Leeds

Nick woke up from his nap to the sound of his phone ringing.

“Hi Sahar, how are you?”

“Nick, is Charlie with you?” Sahar cut in.

“No, he’s on a walk to the local pub with Tori and Michael. Why?”

“Some little turd from Kent has just named you as Charlie’s ‘One That Got Away’ and the press is going crazy. The story is everywhere.”

“Fuck, who?”

“Harry Greene?”

“That scroaty little shit,” Nick cried. “I knew he’d be the one. I fucking knew it.”

Nick was up now, and pacing.

“Darcy’s been calling but Charlie’s not picking up.”

“Do you want me to go find him?”

“NO!” she yelled . “Stay put. That Harry guy shared a bunch of photos of you and Charlie from school. If you’re spotted nearby, then it’s game over for your privacy.”

“Okay, yeah,” Nick agreed.

“If he’s gone to the pub, it’s only a matter of time before pictures of Charlie emerge on socials,” Sahar muttered. “Which was fine when a few people were going to see him dig, but with this story breaking, it’ll be a media frenzy soon.”

Nick felt his heart start to race and his palms start to sweat.

“How’s Darcy? Has their head exploded yet?”

“Not yet,” Sahar replied. “ But they’ve also got to manage the publicity for The Ark’s new tour this week, so it’s coming.”

“I mean, we were expecting this,” Nick rationalised. “We talked about it in Edinburgh. I’ll say ‘no comment,’ and let them trail me to rugby, to the gym and to the school, because in term-time those are the only places I bloody go.”

“But right now you’re in Charlie’s house. How are you going to get out of there without being spotted ?” Sahar said. “I mean, you can’t stay forever.”

“No,” Nick murmured. He wanted to, though.

“Look, I’ve got to go. Tell Charlie to call Darcy or me ASAP, okay?”

“Yes of course. Bye Sahar.”

“Bye, Nick.”

Before he’d even put the phone down, Wednesday was on his lap, squishing her sleek, black furry bum against his tummy.

“I know, sweet girl, it’s a shit-show.”

Nick picked up the cat who scrambled onto his shoulders, and curled her tail around his neck. They made their way to the kitchen, where he made a pot of tea and found a packet of bourbon biscuits.

He was through his second cuppa when he heard footsteps on the gravel driveway. For a heartstopping moment, he worried it was a paparazzo, so he was relieved to see Charlie at the kitchen door, panting. Charlie’s cheeks were red and his hair was wild, his linen shirt damp and clinging to his lean torso.

“Hey, love.”

“You don’t look surprised to see me,” Charlie said in between great, gulping breaths. “Have you spoken to Darcy?”

“Sahar,” Nick replied, trying not to stare at Charlie’s slender body. “Are you all right?” He lifted Wednesday from his shoulder and passed her to Charlie. “Cat cuddle?”

Charlie laughed out loud and gave Wednesday a kiss on her forehead before plopping her on the floor.

“I’d rather have a Nick cuddle but I’m a bit messy right now.”

Nick pulled Charlie into his embrace.

“You’re gorgeous,” Nick murmured, inhaling deeply before kissing Charlie’s neck. “Did you run all the way back?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said, clutching onto Nick’s waist. “We found out in the pub. They were staring at me like I was Cerberus in the wild.”

“Oh Char,” he replied. “Where are Tori and Michael?”

“Walking up slowly via the woods to make sure that they aren’t followed.”

Charlie felt so warm against him, and he smelled so enticing, all sweaty, that Nick felt his groin start to stir.

“How long do you think they’ll be?” he whispered.

Charlie glanced up at him with his big ocean-blue eyes, then at Nick’s lips, and slipped his hands under Nick’s shorts to cup his behind.

“Well it took us about half an hour to get to the pub via the road. Tori’s only got little legs and it’s hot today.”

Nick stopped registering at ‘half an hour’ and scooped Charlie up.

“Before we have to deal with Darcy, or Harry or anyone else, I believe I promised you something.”

“What’s that then?” Charlie said, then giggled when Nick blew a raspberry against his cheek.

“To show you that you have all of me,” murmured Nick as he carried Charlie upstairs. “I’ve kept you waiting long enough.”

“Oh God, yes,” Charlie moaned, already unbuttoning his shirt.

Nick placed Charlie on his bed, and took off his t-shirt.

“Can I take these off, Char?” He fingered the cuffs of Charlie’s jeans.

“Take yours off first, then mine,” Charlie instructed, tucking his hands behind his head. “Everything.”

Nick stood up and with Charlie’s eyes on him, stripped bare. Charlie licked his lips as his eyes swept up and down Nick’s body, lingering on his semi.

“Like what you see, Char?”

“Just appreciating what’s mine now,” he replied. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Me too, me too.”

“Jeans, love.”

Nick undid Charlie’s fly and hooked his thumbs in his waistband, before yanking his jeans and boxer briefs down in one go. He crawled over Charlie, who took his hands from behind his head and wrapped them around Nick’s waist, drawing him close until there was just skin between them.

“Oh Char,” Nick mumbled. “You feel even better than I imagined.”

“You imagined naked hugs with me?”

“I imagine everything, love. I have done, ever since…”

“Ever since when?”

“Ever since school, Charlie. And if I didn’t imagine you consciously, my dreams would do it for me.”

“Nick, oh my God.”

Nick’s heart suddenly felt larger, like it had filled up his whole chest. He buried his face against Charlie’s neck, and when he felt Charlie’s lips against his temple, his whole body filled with warmth.

“Home.”

“What’s that, sweetheart?”

“You feel like home.”

Charlie tensed under him and for a second, Nick wondered if he’d said the wrong thing, but then Charlie flipped them over so Nick was on his back, and cupped his face.

“You’re my home too, Nick.”

Charlie brought his lips down onto Nick’s as Nick wrapped his thick legs around Charlie’s slender ones. A different heat burned through him as Charlie’s hard erection pressed against him.

“I kind of wish we hadn’t started this when Tori and Michael are due back soon. You deserve slow, luxurious lovemaking. I want to worship every inch of you, Char.”

“We’ll do that soon. You deserve it too.”

Nick’s first thought was that he didn’t. But he pushed it away because Charlie was nipping at his ear, licking a stripe down the side of his neck. Nick tangled his fingers in Charlie’s luscious curls while he let his other hand trail down Charlie’s spine, until he was squeezing his pert arse and pressing his pelvis further into his own.

Charlie lifted his head and gave Nick a wicked glint.

“Did you like that, Charlie?”

“I did, my love,” Charlie murmured. “Do it again.”

Nick rolled Charlie onto his back, and rolled his hips again, causing more delicious friction. He then slid down, trailing kisses back and forth across Charlie’s chest, tasting and nibbling his olive skin. He moved his kisses to Charlie’s taut abdomen. As he did so, he glanced down to where Charlie’s cock was leaking, leaking for him, and then dipped his head to taste the spill.

Now it was Charlie’s fingers in Nick’s hair as he licked and kissed all the dips and ridges of Charlie’s hips, until his nose was buried in Charlie’s dark, curly pubic hair, his lips pressed against the side of the base of Charlie’s cock.

He looked up, and Charlie nodded.

“More,” he mumbled. “Show me.”

“Show you what, my love?”

“Show me, show me I’m yours, love.”

Nick turned his head and sucked a spot on the top of Charlie’s thigh, causing him to groan and shiver under him, before turning his attention back to Charlie’s cock. He cupped his balls, before licking up his shaft, and then he took him into his mouth.

“Oh, God, Nick, yeah.”

Nick felt his heart bloom again, as more of the tension within flowed away, melting out of him as he took more of Charlie inside. Charlie was panting now, his legs trembling.

“Hmm?” Nick checked a few moments later, his mouth still full.

“Don’t stop. I’m so close, so close…” Charlie replied. “How are you so good at this?”

Nick smiled around Charlie’s cock and ran both his hands up and down Charlie’s legs, before gripping his waist. Charlie was moaning, tugging at Nick’s hair and writhing under him, raising Nick’s own arousal to the point where he was on the edge himself.

“Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick.”

Charlie’s hands held his, and then he filled Nick’s mouth. The feeling against his throat sparked Nick’s own release and he came too with a cry, exploding against the end of the mattress. He let go of Charlie and his head lolled back against Charlie’s hip as he caught his breath.

Before he could move up to kiss Charlie, his love was wriggling down the bed and rolling on top of him, kissing his neck, not caring that they were half hanging off the bed.

“Char, I already came. I just—”

“I know, Nick, I saw the look on your face, and it was beautiful,” Charlie murmured, with a sniff. “So fucking beautiful.”

Nick wrapped Charlie in both his arms. But as he attempted to sit up, they both slid off the end of the bed and ended up on the floor, softly giggling, in a heap of arms and legs and bodies.

“I feel like I went to heaven, Char,” Nick whispered into Charlie’s neck. “You okay?”

“Yes… no… I mean,” Charlie babbled, before cupping Nick’s face. “I feel like I’m not the same person anymore, because how can I be? I’m not even making sense. It was…” Charlie sighed. “Catullus Five.”

“’Catullus Five?’”

“’ Vivamus, mea Lesbia, atque amemus, rumoresque senum severiorum, omnes unius aestimemus assis.’”

“That’s so beautiful, Char, but you’re gonna have to help me out with the meaning.”

“The Roman poet Catullus fell passionately for a woman called Lesbia, and he said ‘Let us live, my Lesbia, and love, and the rumours of severe old men, let us value at but a penny.’”

“That’s perfect, so bloody perfect,” Nick cried, leaning in for another kiss, which Charlie gave back in earnest.

“There’s another line I think you’ll appreciate,” Charlie said, his voice simmering and rumbly. Nick felt the desire shoot through him again, even though he was totally spent.

“What’s that, love?”

“‘ Da mi basia mille, deinde centum, dein mille altera, dein secunda centum, deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum,’” Charlie quoted. “Give me a thousand kisses, then a hundred, then another thousand, then a second hundred, then yet another thousand, then a hundred.’”

“I like this Catullus guy,” Nick mumbled against Charlie’s mouth. “But two can play at seduction with language.”

“Oh?” Charlie grinned, tilting his head away. “Go for it, sweetheart.”

“ Je te donnerai mille baisers, un million de baisers, des baisers infinis, mon amour. Je veux te donner le monde, si tu peux être patient avec moi. Tu mérites tout, mon cheri.,” Nick said. (I will give you a thousand kisses, a million kisses, infinite kisses, my love. I want to give you the world, if you can be patient with me. You deserve it all, darling.)

Charlie was silent for a moment, and then Nick was the one being given all the kisses as Charlie showered him with little pecks all over his face.

“Whatever that meant, it was beautiful,” he said. “You win.”

“Of course I won,” Nick replied, unable to keep the giggle out of his voice. “I have you now.”

--

“Fucking finally,” Darcy said when Charlie video-called them. “Where the bloody fuck have you been?”

Nick looked at Charlie, who looked at Tori, who shot evils back at Nick as she stroked Wednesday’s back with one hand, and held Michael’s with the other.

“Living my best life,” Charlie deadpanned. “Look, I’m here now.”

“This is what I was worried about,” Darcy hissed. “The whole ‘no comment’ strategy is useless if Nick is spotted leaving your bloody house!”

“Surely he can drive out in the middle of the night or something?” suggested Michael.

Darcy raised an eyebrow.

“They know that trick. It’ll be even more of a story if he’s spotted leaving at night, and the first thing they’ll do is run plate searches for any car seen driving in and off the Kilnsey Park estate.”

“Fuck’s sake,” grumbled Nick, rubbing his face.

“You’re still tired, love,” murmured Charlie, draping an arm over Nick’s shoulder and kissing his cheek.

“Yeah,” Nick agreed, tilting his head so his temple touched Charlie’s.

“I would usually get another car for you to use, but I can’t do that until next week because I’m in Lisbon for The Ark’s opening gig,” Darcy said. “Besides, at some point a pap will find their way to the house and see yours, unless we can find a way to hide it.”

“You said that they’d be trespassing if they came up here,” said Charlie. “That’s why we chose this place.”

“Well, this Harry person’s interview has ignited a firestorm in the media and they’re clamouring for more. The whole ‘long lost loves’ thing is solid gold for tabloids. You’ve already had three six figure offers from magazines wanting to capture your reunion.”

“You think they don’t care about a little trespassing if there’s a story that’s worth it,” realised Nick.

“Yep.”

“Nick,” began Tori, “you have a friend in the area. The rugby coach?”

“Yeah, Priya,” Nick said. “She lives a few miles from here, in a village called Hetton.”

“How good a friend is she?”

“Very good,” Nick replied. “I call her and Jen my ‘Yorkshire mums’. I visit them several times a year and they stay with me when they come to gigs or nights out in Leeds.”

“What are you thinking, Tori?” Charlie asked.

“Support,” she replied simply. “Call them, and ask if they can come visit here.”

“Hang on, I don’t like the idea of some randoms coming up there and getting involved when I can’t be there to get them to sign an NDA.”

“So send me the bloody NDA, and I’ll get them to sign it,” said Tori, folding her arms. “You think I’m going to let anything happen to my brother, Darcy? The fact of the matter is, you’re supposed to manage Charlie’s media presence and you haven’t done a very good job so far.”

“Tori, that’s harsh,” interjected Michael. “This situation is unprecedented.”

Tori narrowed her eyes through her thick, straight, dark fringe.

Nick sighed.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have come to Edinburgh. I should have waited until all the publicity died down.”

“Harry would still have given the interview, Nick,” Charlie said, holding him tighter. “You would have had to deal with it alone, instead of with us.”

Nick closed his eyes and tried to relax against Charlie.

“True,” he murmured.

“Okay, look,” said Darcy, rubbing their temples. “I’ve got to go start the press junket for the band. I’ll see if the landlord has a garage to hide Nick’s car for a while, or at least lend us a tarpaulin or something so the car isn’t seen by a drone.”

“Thanks Darce,” said Charlie “See you soon.”

When the call ended, Nick and Charlie, Tori and Michael sat around the kitchen table, motionless. It was Wednesday who broke their silent reverie, jumping onto the table and bumping Nick on the cheek with her head, before doing the same to Charlie and Michael. She then settled herself on Tori’s lap, her paws on the table, watching the boys.

“She’s very intuitive, isn’t she?” said Nick.

“She’s nosey,” replied Charlie. “She gets FOMO.”

“Are you gonna call your friends then?” asked Tori.

“Yeah.”

Nick took out his phone. He ignored the messages and missed calls, and scrolled through to Priya’s number.

“All right, lad!” Priya yelled. “Where the hell have you been? I want all the gossip from your brother’s wedding.”

“Where are you?” Nick asked. It sounded like whooshing behind her.

“Jen and I are dipping,” she said. “It’s our new thing.”

“Dipping?”

“Yeah, cold water swimming. We’re at a waterfall!”

“Oh, do you want me to call back later?”

“Nah, we’ve been in the water. We’re just having a cuppa.”

“Hi Nick!” called Jen. “What’s up?”

“Um, if you’re at a waterfall, you won’t have seen the Daily Mail website.”

“Nope,” said Priya, chomping on a biscuit as she spoke. “Why would we be looking at that rag anyways?”

Nick took a deep breath.

“Um–”

“Nick? Are you okay?” asked Jenny.

“Yes and no,” he began. “When are you back home from the waterfall?”

“In about half an hour,” said Jen. “Why?”

“If I text you an address and directions, could you come over? It’s in Kilnsey Park,” he asked. “I’ve got a pretty wild story to tell you and I need some help.”

“You got it, lad ,” said Priya. “Get some grub on, we’ll be over ASAP.”

--

“That’s mad!” Priya cried as she helped herself to another fajita from the tray on the outdoor table. “It’s like a movie plot.”

“For sure,” agreed Jen, twirling a strand of her thick, wavy blond hair. “But you seem so happy, lad,” she said, smiling.

Nick held his hand out on the table. Charlie laced their fingers together.

“I am so happy,” he replied, looking at Charlie. “But obviously, it’s complicated.”

“Has Sami been in touch?” asked Priya.

“No, she’s still AWOL, but I’ve got a lawyer sorting out divorce paperwork in her absence.”

“Jesus, how much is that going to cost you?” asked Jen, taking a bite of Priya’s fajita.

Nick winced a little.

“It’s worth it to be free,” he replied, despite the spike in his anxiety.

Tori came over with a tray of beers and a jug of iced water. Michael followed, carrying a bowl of tortilla chips with one hand, and Wednesday with the other.

“So, as romantic as their story is,” Tori began without preamble, “if a photo of Nick and Charlie gets out, it’s game over for their privacy. And Charlie needs to be able to focus on his project.”

“I get the distinct feeling you see Nick as an interloper,” Priya observed. “Like you don’t trust him.”

“That’s not it,” Tori replied. “Nick is mostly the same as when we were kids. Solid. I just worry about my brother. Everything he does is intense. He can’t even go on his mate’s little podcast without it going viral.”

“Tori, I am right here,” said Charlie, bristling. “Yes Nick and I have gone deep very quickly, but we’ve wasted so much time already.”

“And because of that, you’ve got blinkers on about what it’s going to be like to be together when the newness wears off, when you’ve got to be apart for work. You’re already not sleeping well and struggling with your eating.”

“Nick’s not the reason for that!” Charlie cried. “I’ve been stressed because there have been all these expectations on me. All those ‘contractual obligations’ I had to complete for the studios, as well as having to keep my academic profile up so that the rest of the archaeology world don’t just see me as a TV sellout…”

“Charlie—” Tori tried to cut in.

“I’m fucking tired, okay?” Charlie continued. “The prospect of this project with Andy Newbery has kept me ticking over because I’m finally doing something that interests me instead of what pays the bills, but Nick…” His huge blue eyes connected with Nick’s, and Nick felt the bloom in his chest again. “Nick makes me want to actually live my life to the fullest.”

“Oh Char,” Nick murmured. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

“Tori has a point, though,” Nick added softly. “We need to think about logistics, including how we manage our self-care. Both of us.”

“I just can’t see you in hospital again, Charlie,” whispered Tori, her jaw tight as she peered through her thick, straight fringe. “You were like a shell of yourself.”

Wednesday climbed over from Michael’s lap to Tori’s and gave her a head-nuzzle before mewling in Charlie’s direction.

Charlie leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Nick leaned over to press his lips to his temple.

“Okay,” Charlie said finally, a few moments later, his eyes still closed. “Nick, your routine is pretty regimented, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, once term starts, pretty much all I do during the week is rugby training, school and matches.”

“If I can get the site going again, it’s three months of steady work until we break for winter, which would be really good for me.”

“We would focus on work during the week and have weekends together,” Nick agreed. “But obviously be on the phone as much as possible when we’re apart.”

Charlie responded by squeezing Nick’s knee and kissing his cheek.

“I like that plan.”

“What happened to the site?” asked Priya, sipping her beer.

“The digger can’t get up the road since that storm last week,” Charlie explained. “We could dig it by hand but we don’t have the manpower.”

“I wondered, Priya, if maybe some of your Year 11s and Year 12s might want a couple of weeks of work on Charlie’s site in Grassington, to help them out with the dig,” Nick said. “Before I ended up calling you, I had given Charlie your email address.”

“Are you kidding?” Priya replied with a big grin. “The Dales are full of bored teenagers. How many do you need? If you can do a certificate from the university, they’ll bite your hand off. You probably wouldn’t even have to pay them apart from food.”

“Really? That would be amazing,” said Charlie. “I’ll ask my colleague, Professor Newbery, to email you tomorrow to ask officially. He’s got a better idea of how many we’d need but probably fifteen or so?”

“Cheers to hopefully sorting your dig out!” said Michael, raising his beer.

“Cheers!”

“Now that you’ve dealt with one issue,” said Tori, letting Wednesday climb off her lap for a prowl around the garden, “maybe Priya and Jen could help with the car situation?”

“Darcy, my publicist, thinks that the tabloid press will look up any car they see driving Kilnsey,” Charlie explained. “If they clock Nick’s car leaving, they’ll know we’re in contact.”

“Why don’t you and I swap cars for a while?” Priya suggested. “Our friend, Magpie, is the local garage owner and he’s got a recovery truck.”

“’Magpie?’” asked Michael. “What a name.”

“Well, he’s called Magnus, but it doesn’t suit him,” Jen explained. “He’s one of these people who lives life on the edge of shady but is actually a real sweetheart.”

“Magpie can bring your car to mine using the truck and whatever tricks he has under his sleeve to hide your reg plate, and then I’ll bring you my Discovery.”

“That’s a big ask,” Nick said. “Don’t you need it for moving equipment and… I don’t know, country life? The Qashqai’s a decent-sized SUV but it’s nowhere near as big as your Land Rover.”

“If Jen can get around the Dales in a little Suzuki Swift, I can manage with your Qashqai for a while until the paps move on,” Priya replied with a chuckle. 

“Yeah, it’ll be grand, Nick,” added Jen.

“Thank you,” Nick replied. “Thank you both so much.”

“Hmm,” Tori murmured, leaning back into her chair and half-smiling to herself. “It was a good decision to call you, wasn’t it?”

Nick realised he was going to have to get used to that look on Tori’s face.

--

By the time Priya and Jen left for the night, Nick could hardly speak. He almost tripped when he put his boxers on after his shower, bumping into the side of the bed as he dressed.

“Oh, sweetheart,” murmured Charlie when he crawled into bed.

Nick rolled onto his front and draped his arm across Charlie’s bare waist. He dipped his hand under the waistband of Charlie’s boxers, and stroked his hip. Charlie threaded his fingers through Nick’s damp fringe and dropped a kiss on his head.

“Char…”

“It’s okay, my love. Go to sleep.”

“I love you.”

“Love you.”

When Nick woke up, he was on his back, one hand flung across Charlie’s lap.

“Morning,” he murmured, rolling over onto his side and looking up. Charlie had damp hair and was dressed in a fresh, crisp pair of black boxers. 

“Morning, love.”

Charlie was also frowning.

“What’s wrong?”

“I just watched Harry’s interview online,” he said through gritted teeth. “He didn’t even do it for money, because of course he’s just walked straight into Daddy’s business. He did it because he’s an attention-seeking dickhead.”

Nick sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

“I’m not going to watch it, Char,” he said. “I’ll just get mad and then dwell on it. I’d rather focus on you.”

Charlie’s shoulders slumped and he turned over to wrap himself around Nick, curling against him and tucking his head under Nick’s chin. Nick brought his arms to hold him close, awestruck at how well they fit together.

“I feel bad that you staying with me this week means that you won’t be able to go anywhere,” Charlie whispered. “Like, won’t you go stir-crazy spending the whole week in this house, while I come and go?”

Nick looked through the gap in the curtains, glimpsing the large garden, the great, grey hills, and then back to Charlie’s beautiful but worried face.

“Nope,” he replied, cupping Charlie’s chin. “I will be just fine being your house-husband for the week.”

“Yeah?” Charlie replied. “What will you do with yourself?”

“Cook, read, watch TV and make myself pretty for you,” he said, to which Charlie giggled. “But seriously, I will do my lesson planning, send emails, and talk to the lawyers. I’m pretty good at occupying my time.”

“You know,” Charlie murmured, tracing a swirl across Nick’s bare chest with his finger. “I have an idea as to how we’ll occupy this morning.”

“Do you, now?” Nick let his hand slide down Charlie’s back, under his boxers, and gently kneaded the soft flesh of his derriere. “What about Tori and Michael in the next room?”

“Hmm.” Charlie picked up his phone and dashed off a text.

“Fuck’s sake, Charlie!” came a distant cry. “Keep it in your pants for three minutes, okay?”

“What did you tell her?” Nick whispered. 

“‘Put your headphones on, Tor, it’s about to get loud on this side of the wall.’”

Nick laughed.

“God, she’s going to hate me even more.”

“She doesn’t hate you, love. She hates this situation. Once we’re established, she’ll treat you as part of the furniture.”

“Okay then.”

They heard Tori and Michael on the stairs then, followed a moment later by the French doors opening and closing. 

“I think they’re outside,” said Charlie. “We can continue now.”

“Tell me what you want, love.”

Nick sat up, and Charlie moved so he was sitting in his lap, Nick’s arms tight around his waist.

“I want you to make love to me,” Charlie replied, almost sotto voce. “Fill me up, and move inside me slow and deep. I got in the shower early to get ready because I want to enjoy every second.”

Nick shuddered as his body reacted to Charlie’s words.

“God, yes,” Nick said. “I want to make you feel so good, Char. I want you to come so hard, it’ll feel like you’re levitating.”

Charlie rose up a little so Nick had to tilt his head to see him, and then planted a series of small kisses against his lips, before travelling down his throat.

“I love that you’re into talking ,” Charlie replied. “I love hearing what you want to do to me, how I make you feel.”

“I can’t help it,” Nick told him. “Being with you is so amazing, that my mind can’t contain how I feel. Holding back is almost painful.”

“No more holding back then, okay?”

Charlie had his hands on Nick’s shoulders, his forehead pressed to Nick’s, auburn floppy fringe tangling with dark spiral curls.

“Okay.” With that, Nick flipped Charlie onto his back and hovered over him on his elbows. “Lube, condoms?”

“Top drawer.”

Nick pressed his lips to Charlie, who latched on hungrily, sucking Nick’s bottom lip and grabbing at the back of Nick’s head. As they kissed, Nick shed them of their underwear, and ran his hand between their heated bodies, to stroke Charlie’s cock.

“Your cock felt so good in my mouth before, love,” Nick whispered. “You were heaven.”

“So you said. Just wait ‘til you’re inside me,” Charlie said, winking, which made Nick guffaw out loud. “Then you’ll really know heaven.”

“Are you ready for some fingers, Char?”

“Yeah.”

Nick leaned over to reach into the draw, feeling a rush of arousal as Charlie gripped onto his bicep and kissed his shoulder.

“Ooh, Gun Oil,” Nick murmured. “You got the good stuff.”

“Yeah, only the best for you.”

Charlie squeezed Nick’s arm harder.

“Getting desperate, are you, Charlie?” Nick teased as he slipped back on top of him. “God, you’re so gorgeous.”

Charlie squirmed under him.

“Of course I am. I’ve waited eighteen years for this.”

Nick brushed his curls out the way and kissed his forehead before kneeling, resting on his heels.

“I want to look at you when we do this, Char, okay? We can do doggy-style another time.”

“Yes…” Charlie hissed, opening his legs and bringing his knees up.

Nick lubed up two fingers but before he entered Charlie, he gave the head of his erection a tease with his tongue.

“This is the first time, baby, but it won’t be the last. You’re going to have a lifetime of me worshipping you, if that’s what you want.”

“I want,” Charlie said. “I want the dream, love.”

Nick stroked a cold, lubed finger down the length of Charlie’s cock, over his balls and down his taint, before gently probing Charlie’s rim. As he pushed inside with one finger, Charlie arched his back with the burn before opening up wider, and Nick felt his heart grow in his chest once again.

“You feel amazing,” Nick said, marvelling at the heat around his finger. “Hot, tight.”

As Nick probed deeper, he rested his head on Charlie’s flat belly, nuzzling and kissing and stroking his smooth skin with his free hand.

“Hmm, more,” Charlie whispered. “You make me feel so greedy, sweetheart.”

“It’s not greedy when it’s rightfully yours,” Nick told him. “Want another finger?”

“Yeah.”

Nick added a second, slowing down his movements so Charlie could adjust, concentrating on scissoring and stretching, his own cock dripping and aching with need.

“You’re so good at this. How are you so good at kissing and touching and blowjobs, and now fingering?”

“Google,” Nick murmured. “A lot of Google.”

“No hands-on?” Charlie’s face reddened. “With a guy?”

“Just one. I tried Grindr a couple of months after we met on the London Eye,” Nick admitted. “He was a nobody who taught me more about what not to do. He was prickly when I said I was vers, grumbled about condoms, didn’t clean, was selfish… ugh.”

“God, that sounds awful,” Charlie agreed. “But that must mean you have natural talents,” Charlie moaned as Nick slid a third finger inside.

“Maybe,” Nick replied, his head starting to spin with arousal at the sight of Charlie stretching for him. “Maybe my body just fits with yours.”

“That’s so romantic,” said Charlie. “I think I’m ready.”

“Okay.”

Nick pulled out of Charlie, eliciting a whimper from his love. He reached for a pillow and slipped it under Charlie’s narrow pelvis, then slipped on a condom, no mean feat when his hands were shaking. Charlie’s legs were trembling slightly but they calmed when Nick kissed his ankles and his knees and the tops of his thighs, before lining himself up.

“I love you, Charlie.”

“Love you so much, Nick.”

The affirmation of Charlie’s love made Nick tingle all over, a feeling that grew exponentially when he finally sank into Charlie’s waiting heat. Charlie wrapped his arms around Nick, stroking his back, while Nick braced himself on his elbows so he didn’t crush Charlie with his weight.

“Let me feel you on top of me. Surround me.”

Nick bottomed out, and as he did, he was so flooded with desire and warmth and love that he couldn’t hold himself up anyway. He fell onto Charlie, burying his face against his neck.

“Sorry Char.”

“No S-word,” Charlie said, gritting his teeth as Nick thrusted into him. “Oof, you’re so big though. All of you.”

Nick giggled.

“And you’re so tight,” Nick whispered. “Better than I could ever imagine.”

“Can you move more, love?” Charlie asked. “I’m getting close. You did such a good job of prepping me.”

Nick sped up, and reached down between them to lightly tug Charlie’s cock. Charlie’s eyes widened, and he bit his lip.

“So pretty,” Nick said, rubbing Charlie’s bottom lip where his tooth had attacked it.

Nick moved faster, spurred on by Charlie’s legs crossing behind him, pushing his heels into Nick’s behind.

“Nick, oh God, oh please, I’m so close…” Charlie mumbled.

“Me too, baby, me too.”

“Being called ‘baby’ is seriously hot when I’m being pounded into next week by the man I love.”

“I know,” Nick said, as sweat poured down his face and slickened their skin. He reached down to slip his fingers around Charlie’s cock. “I can’t wait for you to call me ‘baby’ when it’s my turn to bottom.”

“It’s a deal.”

“Char?”

“Hmm?”

“I think I’m gonna…”

“So am I… fuck, there’s going to be a Nick-shaped dent in my prostate, I swear.”

“Good. I plan to make it a permanent feature.”

“We’re talking utter shite right now, you realise?”

“Hmm, yeah, we are.”

“I love it.”

“Love you, Char… oh my God.”

As Nick’s orgasm shattered through him, Charlie cried out, exploding across his abdomen and Nick’s, elevating the heat between them.

“Huh, hah, that was amazing,” Nick cried when he got his breath back. “Unbelievable.”

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “We are so doing that again!”

“Good thing I’m going to be your house-husband for the week, isn’t it?” Nick replied, laughing against Charlie’s neck.

Charlie stroked the back of his head and kissed his temple.

“A very good thing.”

--

The following week passed in a beautiful haze of happiness. Charlie’s dig was back on track thanks to Priya’s rugby team, and he came home from the site full of joy every afternoon. Nick reaped the rewards as they had sex at least twice a day, all over the house.

The time came, however, for Nick to return to Leeds, to prepare for the new school term. That Monday, he had left just after Charlie departed for the dig site, and started crying as soon as Charlie was out of sight. By the time Nick was on the Leeds Outer Ring Road, his tears had stopped but his head was pounding.

The journey from Kilnsey had only taken an hour, but it already felt like he had been separated from Charlie for a week. Still, he was pleased to be home. His plan was to eat the McDonalds breakfast he’d bought en-route and have a nap before his meeting at school in the afternoon.

However, when he pulled Priya’s Discovery into the driveway of his house, there was a woman in her late twenties knocking on his door. He stopped the car on the drive and she turned around as he approached, startled. For a moment Nick thought she might be a reporter, but she looked like such a scared rabbit that he wasn’t sure. She was petite and slender, kind of pretty. with long, sandy-coloured straight hair, flipped over to one side of her shoulders, and was dressed in leggings and a zip-up, light, purple hoodie.

“Hi, can I help you?” Nick asked, stepping out of the car.

“Um, yeah, hi,” she murmured. “You must be Nick.”

“Yeah?”

“I was just passing on my way to the gym and thought I would see if Sami was around. She used to go to the same yoga class as me and my wife Sophie on Monday mornings, but I, uh, haven’t seen her for a few months. She’s not been answering texts.”

“No,” Nick murmured, as a little relief came over him. “Sami and I are separated. I’m not sure where she is and I’ve just filed for divorce. She cut contact with me too.”

“Oh.” She twirled her wedding ring around.

“Sorry, what was your name?” Nick asked.

“Leah,” she replied, not looking up from her hands. “That’s sad. I thought we were quite good friends there for a while.”

“Yeah?” Nick replied. “I’m afraid she didn’t mention you or your wife.”

Leah looked up, blinking.

“Oh. Then maybe we weren’t good friends after all.”

“Sami plays her cards close to her chest, so that doesn’t mean anything,” he explained. “I’ve been learning that the hard way.” He glanced at his rapidly-cooling Double Sausage and Egg McMuffin and sighed. “I’m so sorry but I’ve just gotten back from, uh, a long trip, and I need the loo and...”

“Oh, no worries. I should get to my class,” Leah said. “Nice to meet you though. If you do hear from her, tell her to get in touch, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Leah walked across the street, got into a small, black Audi A1, and sped off without looking back. Nick got back in the car, used his clicker to open the garage and drove inside.

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Seven: London

Tao Xu

T: Charlie!!!! I’ll be back in London in October guest lecturing at LFS. Can you escape for a couple days?

C: When?

T: Fly in 25th and fly back 4th Nov.

T: Am in Kent with Mum 1-4th Nov though.

C: I can come 25th evening but need to be back Saturday 28th lunchtime.

T: Cool. How come you need to head back Saturday and not Sunday?

C: Long story, will explain when I see you.

T: Cool. You’re welcome to stay here in the flat they gave me if you want.

C: Thanks but I’ll do better if I have my own space.

T: No probs. See you on 25th Oct 

As Charlie hurtled towards London with virtually a whole first class carriage to himself, he found himself thinking about the past couple of months. Satisfaction settled through his bones as he turned up Best Coast on his earphones and reached for some Haribo sweets that one of Andy’s postgrads had given him before he left the site.

On impulse, he called Nick.

“Hey, are you on the train, love?” Nick asked, connecting within two rings. “How’s the journey?”

“Smooth so far,” Charlie replied. “How are you?”

“Honestly, Char, this year’s Year 10s seem to have shit-for-brains. One of them asked whether they had to do the sport part of their PE GCSE, because ‘sweat’s not my scene, yeah.’”

“Oh God, seriously? What did you say?”

“Nothing. The bell went!” Nick said, laughing. “How was the dig today?”

“So good!” Charlie enthused before dropping his voice and lowering his cap. “The objects that the sonar picked up look like a complete table setting. Andy’s taken them to the lab for analysis. And even better, we found evidence of adult-sized chairs, suggesting that perhaps, so far from Rome, under matriarchal dominance, the custom of eating on couches waned.”

“Oh, Char, I’m so happy for you. That fits with your hypotheses.”

“What are you up to this evening?” Charlie asked.

“Otis, Christian, Danny and I are going for a Nando’s after rugby," he said. "Otis got a gift card for his birthday so it’s his treat."

“Nice,” replied Charlie. “No Sai or James?”

“Nah, Sai’s away with work and James is on some weird diet. He wants to cut a stone by Christmas.”

“I can’t wait to meet them all one day,” Charlie murmured.

“I know, love,” Nick replied just as quietly. “They’re so intrigued by you now that they know I’m your ‘one.’ Danny and James are watching all your series in chronological order.”

“Yeah?”

“They keep telling me to get in touch with you, and it’s hard not being able to tell them that I already did, that we’re together.”

“Oh love,” Charlie said, feeling an all-too familiar pang of guilt rip through him. “How was the meeting with the lawyer?”

“Not great,” Nick replied. “The divorce papers were returned unopened from Morocco, so now we have to apply to the court to see if they’ll let me proceed with the divorce anyway.”

“Oh God, what a palaver,” Charlie said. “Everything would go so quick if she was around.”

Down the phone, Nick huffed out a big, breathy sigh.

“I know,” he said after a moment. “ Anyway, what time are you meeting Tao?”

“Eight,” Charlie said. “He’s been up all day trying to beat the jetlag, so he’ll probably be even grumpier than usual.”

“Tao being grumpy is the main thing I remember about him, to be honest.”

“He was better when he was with Elle, do you remember her?”

“Of course. It’s hard to forget someone so sunny,” Nick replied. “She had it pretty rough at Truham but when she moved to Higgs her light shone through.”

“Well, since their split, his sarcasm has dialled up by a thousand.”

“Why did they break up?”

“Distance, mainly. They held it together through uni, then Elle got offered a Masters at the Royal College of Arts, so she planned to move to London from Loughborough. But then Tao got offered a cinematography Master’s course in LA. He loved California but Elle hated it. They tried for a long time to make things work, but eventually they drifted.”

“That’s so sad,” Nick murmured. “ Does Elle know Tao’s in town?”

“Probably. They still stay in touch, but I don’t think they go out of their way to see each other.”

In the distance, Charlie heard whistles and the sound of people chattering.

“I better go, love,” Nick said. “ We’re about to start warm-up. Love you, Char.”

“Me too, so much.”

Charlie hung up the call, and took a moment to smile to himself. Things between him and Nick had been motoring along since they got together in August. Since Nick’s school term started, they were in a routine of spending Friday evenings to Monday mornings together in Kilnsey, with Nick returning to Leeds during the working week.

There had been a week or so of intense press interest in the story, with Charlie’s social media accounts blowing up, and photographers attempting to access the dig site. Since then, apart from the odd local taking a picture when Charlie went to the pub with Andy and the postgrads, or for a walk around Kilnsey, he had been largely left alone.

Nick had managed to avoid photographers at his door because he had been at Charlie’s that week, but his email inbox had filled up and his neighbours reported a couple of paps sniffing around. Since starting back at school, a couple of photographers lurked outside the gates during the first week, but the school moved them on with threats to call the police. Nick remained resolutely ‘no comment’ when anyone asked him about Charlie.

“Excuse me,” came a soft, high, feminine voice. “Please could I have an autograph, Dr Spring?”

The voice belonged to a tall woman about the same age as him, smartly dressed in a maroon dress and brown knee-high boots, her sleek, chestnut hair pinned up in an elegant swirl. She showed him a copy of his first book, slightly battered and well-thumbed.

“Sure,” he replied. “Who should I make it out to?”                                 

“Sophie,” she said. “I just love your books. I’ve been going through a tough time, and escaping into history has really helped me. You describe those ancient worlds so well, it’s like I’m actually there.”

“Thank you, that’s so lovely to hear,” Charlie said as he handed her the book. “Sorry things have been rough for you lately.”

Sophie shrugged.

“Thanks again,” she murmured. “Have a lovely evening.”

“You too.”

The rest of the journey to London passed uneventfully, and after dumping his bag in his own suite, Charlie was knocking on the door of Tao’s AirBnB.  

“Charlie!” cried Tao when he opened the door. “Come in, come in!” 

Tao was dressed in baggy jeans and a Pan’s Labyrinth t-shirt, looking tired but smiling.

“Aww, I missed you, Tao,” Charlie murmured into Tao’s shoulder as his friend drew him into a hug. “How is the jet-lag?”

“Fucking awful,” Tao moaned when they separated. “I’ve been up for thirty-six hours now, and I’ve forgotten how cold it gets here.”

“Two more hours and you can legit go to bed,” Charlie replied. “Have you had dinner?”

“Nope, not yet. What about you?”

Charlie shook his head, and then an idea came to mind.

“I tell you what, why don’t we get a Nando’s delivery?”

“Nando’s? Yeah, sure. Are you okay with that though?”

“Yeah, I am,” Charlie said, smiling to himself.  Tao raised an eyebrow. “I really am, Tao. Come on, decide what you want and then I can fill you in on all the goss.”

--

As there was a Nando’s round the corner, they got their food quickly, and Charlie explained to Tao the events of the past couple of months.

“So Nick Nelson isn’t the straightest person on the planet?” Tao sounded incredulous.

“Decidedly not straight,” Charlie replied, his mind flashing back Monday morning, two days earlier, when Nick had woken him up at 5am with the most epic of blowjobs. “I can tell you in detail all the ways he is very, very not straight.”

“Ugh,” Tao mumbled as he took another bite of his lemon and herb chicken pitta. “So he’s why you’re leaving early?”

“Yep. Nick’s going to see his mum during the week as it’s half term. If I don’t see him this weekend, it’ll be twelve days until I see him again and we just can’t stand that much separation.”

“I was counting on you being as single as me but now you’re disgustingly loved-up.”

“Sorry… no, I’m not sorry at all!” Charlie giggled.

“I hate to burst your bubble, but he’s still married and you can’t go out in public together. Not the most ideal way to start a relationship, is it?”

“Do you have to always bring your own personal brand of cynicism and realism, Tao Xu?” Charlie grumbled. “Those are future Charlie problems.”

“Charlie…”

“If I think about them, I’ll get stressed,” Charlie continued. “I have to keep focussing on the fact that Nick’s mine in the ways that matter, and hiding our love is temporary.”

"Yeah, that's going to bite you in the ass one day," Tao deadpanned. “Has he changed much?” Tao dipped the end of his corn on the cob in the butter from his garlic bread. “Is he still all lollop-y and big-grinned?”

Charlie guffawed and then coughed to stop himself inhaling his mouthful of medium-spiced butterfly chicken.

“He’s still got happy puppy energy, but it’s mellowed with age.” Charlie decided not to mention Nick’s ADHD. “He’s huge now, like totally stacked. Strong rugby arms… yum.”

Charlie grabbed his phone and showed Tao a picture he and Nick had taken the weekend before, with Nick enveloping Charlie with his arms and kissing Charlie’s neck, as Charlie took the selfie.

“Fucking hell, you had no chance, did you?”

“Nope.”

There was a bit of a lull as they finished their food, stretched out on a large, brown leather corner sofa.

“So, what’s this lecturing thing you’re doing?” Charlie asked, as he swallowed the last spoonful of macho peas.

“The London Film School is running a special workshop on the history of cinematography. I did a similar lecture at UCLA so they asked if I’d lead it,” Tao replied, but his tone was flat.

Years of friendship kicked in and Charlie reached over to squeeze Tao’s shoulder.

“You don’t sound that thrilled about it. What’s going on?”

“LFS have offered me a permanent lecturing position whenever I want it,” he replied. “I could move home.”

“Do you want to?”

Tao paused and after a moment looked at Charlie, teary-eyed.

“Yes,” he sniffed. “I miss my mum. I miss you guys. I miss Marks and Spencer and Nando’s and even though I’m complaining about them, I miss cold winters. But leaving LA means accepting that I won’t have the film career I dreamed of.”

“Aren’t there projects here that you could get involved with?”

“There are, although there’s much less feature film work here, and that’s my specialty. Still, I can lecture at LFS and do TV work.”

“What else is making you hesitate?”

Tao reached for his phone, and opened Instagram. Elle’s Instagram.

Her most recent Instagram was of her painting in the studio, her arm slung around the shoulders of a smiley, brunet person, a couple of inches shorter than her.

“She looks so happy, doesn’t she?”

“They could just be a friend, Tao.”

"Felix has been in six of her last nine posts, and Elle’s been tagged in their stories like a hundred times in the past three months!” he cried. “If I move back, I’ll have to see her more and if she’s with them, with anyone, I won’t be able to stand it.”

“You’re still in love with her.”

“She’s my person, Charlie. Like Nick’s yours. The one I can’t let go of. And if I can’t be with her, then I don’t want to be near her.”

“Isn’t she worth fighting for?” Charlie said, crossing his legs and turning to face Tao. “Or at least finding out where she and this Felix person are at? For sure?”

“How, though?”

Charlie took a swig of Sprite.

“Let’s have a little party,” Charlie said. “This place is plenty big enough.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I’ll suggest to Elle, Tara, Isaac and a couple of others that they come over for drinks and an impromptu catch-up.”

“What if she’s away?”

“She’s not. I already told her I was in London and she invited me to pop into the studio as she’s around all week.”

“When the fuck were you going to tell me that?”

“Now.”

“No, no, it’s a bloody stupid idea!” Tao cried, getting up and pacing. “She’ll come with Felix and what am I going to do then, huh?”

“You’ll have a drink, wish them well and retreat into your bedroom to have a cry while you watch Hunt For The Wilderpeople for the millionth time,” Charlie said. “At least you’d know for sure Tao.”

Tao threw his hands in the air.

“Ugh! Fine, then!”

--

When he got to his hotel room, Charlie sent a flurry of texts and organised a get together for the following night: Friday night. He had invited Elle, Sahar, Tara, Darcy, Aled and his husband Daniel, and Isaac, his close friend from Truham, who still lived in Kent. By some miracle, everyone was free.

The next morning, he woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing.

Nick

Two missed calls 7.18, 7.21

N: Char, please can you call me, love?

N: It’s very important

N: Something’s happened

N: Diana’s covering assembly so I can take a call until 8.45am

Charlie felt panic rise in his throat but then rationalised that if Nick was in school, he was physically okay at least. He checked the time. It was 7.50am. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and then called Nick on FaceTime.

“Oh, love, how do you look so beautiful all the time?” Nick murmured, and Charlie saw that he was in his office. “Hang on, let me shut the door and put the Do Not Disturb sign on.”

“What’s going on, Nick?” Charlie asked. “You look fretful.”

“My dad called me, and put me on the phone with Jean-Pierre.”

“Your dad’s neighbour? The fuzzy old man?”

“Yup. He turned eighty yesterday, and guess who sent him a birthday card?”

“No! Sami?”

“Yes!”

“From where?”

“Taroudant!” Nick exclaimed. “It’s Sami’s mum’s birthday in a few days so Jean-Pierre thinks she will have gone there for a fortnight or so. The card was sent on Monday morning, express.”

“You think she’s still there?”

“Yeah,” Nick replied, slightly breathless. “Maybe if I can find an international courier, we could resend the divorce papers,” he added. “It feels like there might be a chance to get this done, Char.”

“Nick,” Charlie began, adjusting his position in bed so he was sitting bolt upright, “This is the first sign you’ve had that Sami’s a, alive and b, actually in a tangible place. If you want to make sure she gets those papers, love, you have to put them in her hand yourself.”

“What are you saying, Charlie?”

“You need to go to Morocco, my love.”

Nick sat back in his chair and rubbed his face.

“I can’t, Charlie,” he murmured. “It’s too short notice to travel over and, and… what about seeing Mum next week?”

“You can’t, Nick, or you won’t? ” Charlie raised an eyebrow. “Maybe now that this is real, you’re not ready to let her go.”

“Charlie, no.” Nick’s eyes blazed as he leaned forward. “I promise you, I’m so fucking ready. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I can’t afford a trip to Morocco at short notice during the half-term week. I already looked at the flights and transfers and basic hotels, and it’s going to cost more than the limit on my credit card.”

“Oh, Nick—"

“Look, I don’t like talking about money. It stresses me out so much.”

“But we need to, Nick.”

“I know,” he acknowledged after a moment. “Until Sami left, our finances were really simple. We each paid half the mortgage, paid a set amount into our joint account for bills and essentials, and the rest was ours. We weren’t rich but we were comfortable.”

“But you’re paying all the bills yourself now.” Charlie realised.

“Yeah,” Nick replied. “My disposable income is really low, Char. If dinner hadn’t been on Otis last night then I probably wouldn’t have gone.”

They looked at each other over the screen, glassy-eyed.

“I could pay,” Charlie said eventually.

Nick shook his head.

“My mum paid for the flights to Paris in August, and that was hard enough to accept, but to accept charity from you, love… I just can’t.”

“But Nick, it’s not charity. This is important. You need to do this. We need it. Your divorce, or the lack of it, is holding us back,” Charlie murmured, Tao’s words from the previous night bouncing around his mind. “How long can our relationship consist of us hiding away in my house?”

“You’re right, Charlie,” Nick conceded. “But what if we made it a loan? I can pay you back in instalments over the next three months.”

“Just tell me how much to send you and we can sort it out when you get back.”

“I wish you could come too.”

“I know, I wish I could,” Charlie replied. He dropped his voice slightly. “When we do go away together, it’ll be so special, baby.”

Nick shuddered and bit his lip.

“Thanks for reminding me what your plans are for me this weekend,” he said. “Or at least, what your plans were before I dropped the Sami-bomb.”

“They could still be the plan,” Charlie said, twisting one of his inky curls around a finger, enjoying how Nick’s eyes flitted to his hair and then back to his lips. “You could get a train to London tomorrow night and fly to Morocco on Saturday from Heathrow or Gatwick.”

“It’d be risky, love,” Nick warned. “Could you get some help from Sahar and Darcy?”

“Absolutely.”

--

“You owe us big time.” Darcy thrust a bottle of Patron into Charlie’s hand. “Sahar has gone to collect your man at Kings Cross, and he’ll be waiting for you in your hotel when you get back there.”

“Thanks, Darce,” Charlie replied, before giving them a big hug. “I mean it. I’ve put you through the ringer recently.”

“Ahh, you’re welcome, my guy! Worth the drama,” they said, kissing him on the cheek. “Now, let’s drink!”

It wasn’t long before Tao’s small Airbnb flat was full of their close friends, with the exception of one person.

“Tao, calm down,” Charlie murmured, topping up his wine glass. “She’ll be here soon.”

“Did she say if she was bringing someone, that Felix person?”

“No, she didn’t. She just said that she would be here around eight, as she had to set up for a gallery showing tomorrow.”

Just then Charlie’s phone rang. It was Sahar.

“Sahar, what’s up?”

“Um, slight problem,” she murmured. “I don’t have your room key to give to Nick.”

“What? But I gave it to Darcy when I was at their office this morning. They said they were meeting you for lunch and would give it to you then.”

“Darcy did meet me for lunch, but forty-five minutes late. They were all flustered as they had to get to another meeting. They gave me the hotel info, car details, all the press stuff for the limited-edition release of your ‘Rome and Modern Society’ series, but when I checked just now, no room key.”

“But his train is due in ten minutes!” Charlie cried. The rest of the room stopped and turned. “Okay, Sahar. Can you still meet him?”

“Sure thing. I’ll call you or Darce when I’ve got him.”

Sahar hung up and Charlie turned towards Darcy.

“What-what?” asked Darcy, who was sitting on one end of the brown leather sofa, with Tara cuddled up to their side, their hands linked. “Did I hear my name?”

“Darcy,” Charlie said through gritted teeth. “Please could I see you for a moment?”

Before Darcy could answer, however, the doorbell of the flat rang.

“Charlie!” Tao called, his eyes flitting back and forth between him and the door.

As Charlie rolled his eyes at Tao and made his way to the flat door, he wondered if there would come a time when his life wouldn’t be utter chaos.

“Elle, hey, glad you made it,” he said, smiling at his old friend.

“OMG Charlie!!” she cried, throwing her arms around him so that he got a face full of thick, orange, yellow and chestnut brown braids. “I can’t believe we’re all meeting up. It’ll be like old times!”

A throat cleared behind them.

“Oh hello...” Charlie murmured at the short, bespectacled, person with Elle, dressed in Lucy and Yak denim dungarees over a grey knitted top, carrying a bottle of Amalfi Gin.

“Hiya Charlie,” they said in a broad Mancunian accent. “I’m Felix. Hope it’s okay for me to tag along.”

“I already told Felix that Darcy would be here and make them sign an NDA,” said Elle, stamping her feet on the doormat. “They’re cool with it.”

Charlie glanced between the two and then at Tao, who had gone red and looked like he might cry.

“Uh, yeah, sorry,” Charlie replied. “My publicist insists.”

“Yes I do!” called Darcy. “I’m heading your way with my iPad in a minute, babe.”

“Worth it to meet Elle’s favourite people from school. She’s been telling me about you and Tao, and Tara, Isaac, Aled and Dan, for months now! I can’t believe I get to meet you all in one go.”

“Where’s Tao by the way?” Elle asked, looking around and biting her lip. “Wasn’t he there just a second ago?”

Charlie looked around. He had vanished.

“Uh, yeah, he’s probably just gone into the kitchen for drinks. What would you guys like?”

“Red wine for me, please,” said Elle.

“Just water for me,” said Felix. “I can’t drink alcohol.” They patted their tummy. “I have Crohn’s and it causes flare-ups.”

“Come on, Felix, let me introduce you to Isaac so you can have a chat about ace-spec stuff,” Elle said. “He’ll definitely be able to help you set up a group.”

Elle tapped Felix’s elbow once and pointed towards where Isaac was sitting with Dan and Aled, while Charlie went into the small kitchen, where Tao was sulking in the corner.

“I knew it,” he mumbled. “I knew it was too late.”

“It’s not, Tao,” Charlie replied. “I don’t think they’re a couple. Felix is ace and wants to talk to Isaac about a group.”

Tao lifted his head.

“What?”

“When you and Elle were in a relationship, she could not keep her hands off you. Even when you weren’t snogging, she would have her hand on your knee or behind your neck. With Felix, she hasn’t laid a hand on them.”

Charlie let Tao process that for a moment, while he got drinks for Elle and Felix.

“Need a hand?” asked Elle, coming into the kitchen. “Tao-Tao! There you are! Come here!”

Elle strode past Charlie and wrapped herself around Tao, before kissing him on both cheeks and tucking her head under his chin.

“Elle.”

“God, I missed you,” she said. “You look amazing.”

Tao let his hand drift down her back, before stroking the silky material of her green, pleated midi-dress.

“S-so do you.”

Tao kissed the top of her head and clutched her waist.

“...What the fuck?” came a sudden cry from the living room. “No, I don’t have it. It’ll be in the pack I gave you... no? Shit.”

Charlie walked through to see Darcy on the phone, standing in the middle of the room.

“Darcy?” asked Tara, “What is it?”

“Hang on, Sahar.” Darcy put the phone on the coffee table, and started rooting through their bag. “Ah, fucking crap, it’s here.” They held up the keycard for Charlie’s room. Darcy turned to Charlie. “I’m so sorry.”

“How did this happen?” he asked, passing Felix their glass of water. “I gave you that card and you said you were going straight to meet Sahar for lunch.”

“I, uh, got distracted.”

“By what?”

Tara gasped and covered her mouth.

“I dropped by Darcy’s office this lunchtime.”

“I told you I was busy, didn’t I, Tara?” cried Darcy. “I said, no, don’t come by, because I’ve got loads on, and you did it anyway!”

“Well sorry if I was missing my partner!” Tara cried. “And you weren’t objecting when we were in the supply cupboard and I had my tongue on your--”

“Okay!” interjected Charlie. “We don’t have time for one of your epic blow-outs tonight.”

“What’s going on, Charlie?” asked Aled, running his fingers through his wispy, dusky-pink tinted hair.

“Yeah, and it’s something big,” agreed Isaac. “I can always tell when you’re holding back.”

Charlie looked around the room, full of his closest friends. And Felix.

He walked over to Darcy and whispered in their ear,

“Has Felix signed the NDA yet?”

“Yes,” they said. “Just.”

Charlie stood up. 

“So, um, I've got a new boyfriend, and Sahar, my agent, is picking him up from Kings Cross,” he explained.

“OMG Charlie, really?” cried Isaac, clapping his hands. “What’s his name?”

Charlie looked over at Aled and Dan, holding hands on the sofa.

“Well, do you remember the podcast I did for Aled?”

“’The One That Got Away,’” Dan said, kissing Aled on the cheek. “Al’s best ever listening figures for your one.”

“Well, it’s Nick, Nick Nelson...”

“Shut the front door!” cried Elle from the doorway of the kitchen. “Tao, did you know about this?”

“I found out yesterday,” Tao replied. “I was shocked too.”

“Nick Nelson?” Aled said. “Your actual ‘Goldie’ who was named in the papers?”

“He got in touch after the podcast aired. We’ve been together for three months now. It’s complicated though. He’s getting divorced.”

“OMG! Romance! I love it!” Isaac got up and gave Charlie a hug.

“Charlie, Sahar’s still on the phone,” Darcy said, looking somewhat downcast. They glanced at Tara, who crossed her arms and turned away.

 “Just a moment, everyone.” He picked up Darcy’s phone. “Sahar, are you still there?”

“Yup, and I’m with Nick--”

“Great, could you bring him here?” Charlie asked.

“Sure, but the thing is...”

“What?”

“He’s not alone.”

--

“Oh Char,” Nick whispered before pulling Charlie into his arms. “I missed you so fucking much, love.”

“Me too,” Charlie replied, clutching his boyfriend around the waist. “Sorry it’s been such a drama tonight.”

“Uh-hum,” came a voice behind them. Tao, Charlie realised.

He whipped around, ready to give evils, but when he saw the soft look on Tao's face as he beamed at the woman who had one arm wrapped around his back, and another hand pressed against his chest, he couldn’t do it.

“Everyone, this is Nick Nelson, my boyfriend. Nick, love, you know some people here, but you won’t have met Aled from the podcast, and his husband Dan,” Aled and Dan waved at him. “Not sure if you will remember Isaac, as he was pretty shy back in school.” Isaac also waved. “And that’s Felix, who is Elle’s business partner at her gallery, and a good friend.”

“Hi everyone,” Nick said, using both hands to wave at the room. “It’s so good to finally meet you all after hearing Char speak about you for the past few months.”

“’Char?’” Isaac squealed, clapping both his hands to his bushy, brown beard. “That’s so cute!”

Nick blushed.

“Yeah, we’re really cute together, apparently,” Nick said. “Charlie’s sister says we’re nausea-inducing.”

“Tori would!” laughed Aled. “I’m so happy for both of you. The way Charlie spoke about your connection...” he sighed. “It was epic.”

“Thanks,” Nick replied, giving Charlie such a warm, gentle smile that he felt his insides melt. “It’s pretty epic to finally be with my Charlie.”

“OMG, I can’t believe we’re meeting Aled Last,” squealed Tilly suddenly, jumping up and down on the spot.

“Sorry, I didn’t introduce my cousins,” Nick added. “Meet Tilly and Leo, and Leo’s new girlfriend Asma.”

Tilly hugged Charlie fiercely, before walking over to the sofa and squishing up between Tara and Darcy, and Aled and Dan.

“All right folks?” She kissed Tara on the cheek, and then did the same to Aled and Dan. “Now, can I ask you a few things about Universe City?”

“She had three rum and Cokes on the train,” Nick murmured. “I’d better go get her something to eat.”

“There’s a whole buffet of food in the kitchen,” Charlie told him.

Nick kissed Charlie on the forehead and headed in the direction of the kitchen. Charlie turned to Leo, who offered him a hand to shake, while Asma placed her petite hands on his shoulders and kissed him on both cheeks.

“Hiya, thanks for having me, like,” she said in her warm, Liverpudlian accent. “I know it was a surprise.”

“Uh, yeah,” Charlie agreed. “But nice to meet you both. Nick talks about Tilly and Leo all the time. He was so happy when you and Leo got together.”

Asma, who was barely five foot tall, with black, wavy hair, dressed in a loose denim smock dress with a purple, long-sleeved t-shirt underneath, curled an arm around Leo’s waist and looked up at him.

“We just couldn’t let Nicky go to Morocco by himself,” Leo explained quietly. “Sami and her family have this way of talking all over people. He’d be there in a strange place with no back-up, and God knows what Sami’s told them about him.”

“It was a surprise, but it’s a good decision,” Charlie said. “Are you guys sorted for tickets then? I know Nick found it tough booking everything last minute.”

“We’re sound,” said Asma. “Leo and I pooled our airmiles, so we only had to pay for Tilly’s ticket. I speak Arabic, so I managed to change all our hotel rooms to nicer, LGBTQ-friendly, places at a discount.”

“That’s brilliant.”

“Asma’s going to be our translator,” Leo added. “I remembered Nick saying that even though they all speak fluent French and English, Sami’s mum’s family tend to speak Arabic at home.”

“Me ma’s Egyptian, and made us go Arabic School on Saturdays,” Asma added. “Comes in handy now and then. We figure that even if they speak Moroccan Arabic I’ll be able to understand most of their chat.”

“Elle’s mum Miriam is Egyptian and she went to Arabic school for a while,” explained Charlie, pointing out Elle, who was currently whispering something in Tao’s ear. “You’ve got something in common.”

“Serious-like?”

Asma grabbed Leo’s hand and dragged him in the direction of Elle.

“What a drama, huh?” said Sahar, tapping Charlie on the small of his back before dropping her bag on the floor.

“I’m so sorry, Sahar,” Charlie said. “Managing my personal life has become a full-time job for you these days.”

“You’re still my bestest client,” she replied, tossing her long, straight black hair over her shoulder. “It’s nice to see you looking so happy, despite the stress.”

“Thanks Sahar.”

“We need to catch up properly in the next couple of weeks,” she murmured. “The publishers have approached us with a new book deal; you could be sorted for work for five years.”

“Really?”

“They’re talking about a series exploring the sites of the Ancient Wonders of the World. Greece, Turkey, Egypt and if we can swing the security, Iraq.”

“Okay, let’s meet when the digs wrap up in mid-November.”

“Perfect.”

Nick walked back in then, carrying two plates of nibbles. He placed one in front of Tilly and gave the other to Leo and Asma, before heading back into the kitchen. Charlie’s heart bounded in his chest at how his boyfriend looked after his family. And how his family looked after him.

“Here you go, Sahar,” Nick said, handing her an empty glass and producing a bottle of white wine from under his arm. “Thanks again for getting us here.”

“It’s a pleasure,” taking the wine from him. “I’d better catch up with Darcy before they explode.”

“See you,” Charlie said.

Nick’s strong, warm arm draped over his shoulders, and Charlie turned into it, pressing his face into Nick’s chest. Nick dropped small kisses along Charlie’s forehead, before enveloping him fully.

“God, you smell good.”

Charlie chuckled against Nick’s jumper.

“I can’t wait to show you how much I think you smell good,” Charlie whispered, running his hand along Nick’s arm and tucking it under the sleeve of his t-shirt. “And taste good.”

“Soon, love.”

“Where are Leo, Asma and Tilly staying?” Charlie asked. “As welcome as they would be in my hotel suite, I do want a bit of alone time with you before you leave for Morocco.”

“Don’t worry, Char,” Nick replied. “They booked a Premier Inn around the corner from your hotel on the train down.”

“Yeah?”

Charlie glanced up, and Nick brushed the hair away from his face with both his large hands.

“I’m all yours until tomorrow afternoon,” he whispered. “Whatever are we going to do until then?”

“Oh, baby,” Charlie replied. “Just you wait.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Eight: Morocco

The hustling, bustling city was coming to life as Nick watched from the roof of the Marrakech riad, a deep amber and rose sunrise turning every building terracotta. He had been up for hours, tossing and turning, instinctively reaching out for Charlie. Yet the bed was empty.

“Un peu plus de café, mon ami?” (A little more coffee, my friend?)

Youssef was the proprietor of the Riad Iris, a tiny hotel just outside the medina, near the beautiful Jardin Majorelle. The older Moroccan man and his British-Nigerian partner Nathan had taken an instant shine to Nick, his cousins and Asma when they arrived in Marrakech a day and a half earlier. Over copious amounts of mint tea and almond cookies on their first night, Nick found himself spilling his story to the warm-hearted couple.

“Oui, s’il te plait. (Yes please.) Can you join me?” Nick replied, patting the seat opposite him.

“Okay, for a few minutes.”

Youssef set down a tray with a coffee pot and dates on the small coffee table, took a seat and poured for Nick.

“You and Nathan have been so kind to us since we got here,” Nick began, taking the refilled coffee from Youssef. “I wish I was here for a holiday with my love.”

“Soon, friend, soon,” Youssef replied. “It is destiny.”

“Has it been difficult for you here?” Nick asked. “Being with a man in a Muslim country?”

“Hmm, up and down,” Youssef replied. “Harder for Nathan, especially when we moved here from Lyon, because he is black, but less so that we are together nowadays. We have many rainbow friends and allies, and as long as we keep our affection to ourselves, it is tolerated.”

“I have been finding it so hard, keeping my new relationship quiet,” Nick admitted. “Yet I’m also afraid about telling the world, because then we will be under scrutiny. And what will people think of me, going from being married to another intense relationship in a few months?”

He gulped at the dark, intense, bitter coffee. He didn’t usually drink it but he was exhausted, despite taking the whole of yesterday to rest from the trip at the riad, while his cousins and Asma explored Djemaa El-Fnaa, Marrakech’s huge, central market square.

“Sorry, you probably didn’t expect to be dumped on when I invited you to sit with me.”

“You apologise too much, my friend. I’m very happy to listen,” Youssef murmured. “Why do you care so much about others? Surely the only opinions that matter are your own and your lover’s?”

“I don’t know,” Nick confessed. “I guess, being here, trying to find my ex for a divorce, is bringing it out of me.”

“You must miss him terribly, your Charlie.”

“Every minute,” Nick confessed. “But one day, I’m going to bring him here. Your riad is so peaceful inside. He would love it.”

“And we will rejoice in meeting him.” Youssef got to his feet. “I must return to help Nathan with breakfast. Your petite cousin will soon be awake and ready to munch the table. That little girl ate us out of bread yesterday before they went to Djemaa El-Fnaa!”

Nick guffawed.

“And she’ll eat all the bread today too.”

But then his smile dropped as a new wave of anxiety hit him. Youssef patted Nick’s shoulder.

“Remember, mon ami. True love is always worth it.”

--

They left Riad Iris at ten; Youssef and Nathan gave them a basket of bread, pastries and fruit for the journey. Their first stop was Sami’s mother Fatima’s house. Although Jean-Pierre believed the family would be in Taroudant, Nick wanted to be absolutely sure that they, or Sami herself, weren’t in Marrakech.

The house was a sprawling villa, set a few miles south of Marrakech, at the edge of an unnaturally green golf course. Sami had been scathing about her mother’s choice of property, Nick recalled, labelling it soulless and boring. Nick, however, understood the choice when he saw the photographs. After over thirty years of living in small Parisian apartments, it made sense to him that Fatima would want space.

When they pulled up, however, there was no car in the carport of the villa, which appeared empty.

“Damn it,” Nick muttered.

“We should still try the bell, like,” said Asma. “You never know.”

So they got out of the car and Nick rang the doorbell. Nothing.

“Sorry, Nicky,” said Tilly. “I guess we should get going to Taroudant.”

Suddenly there was a flicker of movement through the glass of the front door.

“Look,” said Leo. “Someone’s coming.”

The front door opened a moment later. A lanky young man, dressed in a t-shirt and striped, cotton pyjamas, dishevelled and rubbing sleep from his eyes, squinted at them.

“Omar?” Nick realised. “ C’est moi, Nicholas.” (It’s me, Nicholas.)

He had met Sami’s eldest nephew once in Paris, when Sami’s oldest sister Aïcha and her family were visiting, the Christmas they got together. He was much taller now, nearly four years later, with patchy stubble and greasy skin, but he had the unmistakable Othmani countenance.

“Oh, ah, uh… ça va ?” ( You okay?)

“Not really,” Nick replied in English. “I’m trying to find my…” he hesitated to use the word, “…wife. Apparently she has been in Morocco recently.”

Omar shrugged, but didn’t meet Nick’s eyes.

“I’m home from university in Rabat for Grandmother’s seventieth birthday tomorrow. She and Mama don’t tell me anything.”

“Nothing at all?”

“I know they are upset with Aunt Samira,” Omar said, shrugging. “I assumed it was the baby thing again.”

“What baby thing?” interjected Asma, first in rapid Arabic, then she repeated what she asked in English. “Sorry Nick, I got right invested, me.”

“These are my cousins, Leo and Tilly, and Leo’s girlfriend Asma,” Nick explained. “They came with me for support.”

Omar sighed, his eyes darting across the four of them.

“I need a coffee. Do you guys need a coffee?” he said.

“Yeah,” agreed Tilly. “Yo, Moh!” Moh the driver looked up from his phone and his face lit up. “Going in for a drink! You good?”

“Very good Miss Tilly!” he replied, bowing. “See you soon.”

Leo rolled his eyes at his sister.

“Tilly’s trail of broken hearts goes international,” he mumbled as he stepped into the house.

“Shoes off,” murmured Nick, pointing at a stuffed shoe rack.

“Yes, please,” agreed Omar, before showing them into a huge, open-plan living area.

After making strong coffees for them all, Omar took a seat opposite them on one of the wide, gold sofas.

“So,” Nick began, “’baby thing?’”

His heart was racing. Was Sami pregnant? As much as he wanted a child, he prayed she wasn’t.

“Aunt Samira is the only one of my aunts and uncles who doesn’t have a baby,” Omar said. “Mama, Aunt Touria and Aunt Chaima were all married with a baby by her age, and it upset Grandmother.”

“But Sami’s still young,” Nick replied. “She’s only thirty-three, plenty of time.”

“Not young for Othmanis,” Omar said, before taking a sip of his coffee. “Grandmother gave her some slack because Aunt Samira was the youngest, and the only one raised completely in Paris, but when you got married, she expected a baby.”

Truth be told, so did Nick, but they had sex so infrequently after the wedding that the chances of them conceiving were slim.

“Why though?” Tilly asked. “It’s her body, her life.”

“You don’t know Grandmother,” Omar muttered.

“Have you seen Sami this year?” Nick asked, sitting on his hand which started to shake. “I haven’t seen her since April.”

“No, but she did come for Uncle Saïd’s birthday last weekend as a surprise,” Omar replied.

“So you do know some things,” Nick replied gently, trying not to roll his eyes. Apparently evasiveness was an Othmani trait.

“Yes,” Omar admitted. “But she was only there for a couple of hours before she and Grandmother had a big fight.”

“Do you think she’s still in Taroudant?” Nick asked. “I didn’t know that was where the family were originally from. She only said that Fatima and her sisters lived in Marrakech.”

“I don’t know,” Omar said. “I try to keep out of the family drama because it distracts me from my studies. I faked exams to get out of Uncle’s party.”

“It sounds full-on,” agreed Leo.

“Did you hear where she’s been?” Nick continued. “We don’t believe she’s been living in Paris.”

Omar drained his coffee.

“I really don’t know,” he said. “I think I’ve told you everything.”

Nick took the hint and gulped his own coffee down.

“Okay, we’ll leave you to your day.”

“Wait,” cried Asma, before turning to Omar and saying something in Arabic.

He shrugged and mumbled a few words back. Asma leaned forward and stared at him until he rolled his eyes.

“Fine, give me a minute,” he said eventually before getting up and disappearing into another room.

“What did you say to him?” Tilly asked.

“That I knew he was holding something back.”

“How did you…?” Nick began.

“Because she’s amazing,” Leo murmured, taking Asma’s hand. She leaned into him and he kissed her cheek.

“I bluffed,” Asma admitted. “But it was a good shout, like.”

“So where’s he gone?” Nick asked.

But before she could answer, Omar was back, holding a small cardboard box about ten inches across.

“These are Aunt Samira’s things,” he explained, putting the box on the coffee table. “Mama said Grandmother was very angry with her after the trip to Taroudant last week, and she put everything she had of Sami’s in here.”

“Where is your grandmother now?” Leo asked.

“She went back to Uncle Saïd’s house in Taroudant yesterday,” Omar replied. “That’s where the whole family is gathering for the party tomorrow.”

“Are you going?”

“Yes, but they’re not expecting me until tomorrow afternoon. Until then I’m enjoying having this space to myself.”

“I’ll tell you what,” Nick said. “If you let us look in this box, I won’t tell Fatima that you were home early from university.”

Omar gasped.

“Non, mais…” he mumbled in French.

“We’ll be gone soon. I just need half an hour to look through the box.”

Omar was still unsure.

“Otherwise we’ll just stay on the porch,” murmured Leo.

“Talking LOUDLY,” added Tilly.

“Fine!” cried Omar. “Promise me you’ll put everything back exactly as it was. This is a big favour.”

“I promise,” Nick said. “Je te le promets.”

Asma murmured something in Arabic.

“We promise,” she clarified. “ Chokran , thank you.”

Omar disappeared again, but Nick didn’t notice, for his eyes were fixed on the box, labelled ‘Samira,’ the only word he could recognise in Arabic script.

“I don’t think I can open it,” he said. “That’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“No, Nicky,” said Tilly, her voice soft. “This is a big deal. Do you want me to do the honours?”

“Yeah, please.”

She slipped one finger under the box flaps, and a whiff of rose and neroli escaped. It was a smell Nick always associated with Sami, but where it used to give him flutters, now it sank his stomach.

“There’s not a lot in here,” Leo said, peering in. “Shall I take the things out?”

Nick nodded.

Leo pulled out a stack of old postcards, a small, worn teddy bear wearing a little t-shirt, a brooch and a box of earrings.

“That’s it?” Asma said, picking up the teddy bear.

“She always was a minimalist,” Nick replied. “Guys, I need some air. Would you mind photographing everything? Then we should leave.”

“Sure, Nicky,” said Tilly.

But Nick was already up and out the door, crawling into the backseat of the car.

--

Nick wasn’t religious, but he said a prayer of gratitude to himself when they made it to Taroudant. Asma had booked a beautiful, quiet riad for them just north of Taroudant’s busy medina. After the long and dusty car journey, the twins and Asma wasted no time in jumping into the outdoor pool, but Nick needed to be alone.

He lay on the big bed in his room, and thought about the last time he had been with Charlie. Youssef’s words rolled around in his head. True love is worth it. He pictured Charlie’s face and his body seized up as the feeling of missing Charlie seeped into his bones; every inch of Nick was pining for every inch of Charlie.

He closed his eyes, recalling their intimacy in London, just three days earlier.

****

Nick adjusted his cap and glasses, grateful that he was in the lift alone, and took a deep breath before exiting. He walked down a long corridor, then turned left and left again before finding his destination: Charlie’s hotel room.

He knocked twice. After a moment, he heard footsteps, and then a lean, olive-skinned arm snaked out of the door to grab his wrist. He was pulled into the room and into Charlie’s waiting arms, before being pushed against the door.

“You’re finally here,” Charlie whispered against his lips, “and wearing glasses?” He touched the nose bridge. “Have you suddenly gone short-sighted, love?”

“It’s part of my disguise,” Nick said. “Tilly says it changes my look.”

Charlie flicked his tongue against Nick’s mouth before sucking his bottom lip. Nick felt the desire bubble through him, and a moan rose up his throat.

“I’ll say,” Charlie agreed, taking off Nick’s cap. “It’s making me very hot for Teacher.”

“Oh yeah?” Nick pressed his lips to Charlie’s collarbone.

“Hmm, yeah, Mr Nelson,” Charlie giggled. “I’ll take your lesson anytime.”

“I’d rather you taught me, love,” Nick murmured. “Teach me how to make you scream.”

Charlie tickled his fingers up Nick’s sides, over his face and into his floppy, auburn hair, before giving his locks a tug.

“Good.” Charlie pushed Nick’s jacket off his shoulders. “Lose the clothes.”

And then Nick was being half-pulled towards the bed as he desperately tried to shed his clothing, while Charlie removed his t-shirt so he was just in his boxers.

“God, I’ve missed you so fucking much,” Nick sighed as he landed on top of Charlie. “I’m so annoyed that Sami’s keeping me from you, again.”

“It’s for the greater good,” Charlie replied, almost automatically.

“Is that what you’ve been telling yourself, love, to get through this?”

Charlie’s shoulders tensed.

“How did you know?”

Nick smoothed away the curls from Charlie’s forehead.

“That’s what I’ve been telling myself too,” he admitted. “Every ten minutes, pretty much.”

Charlie’s eyes filled with tears.

“Sorry, we’re supposed to be having amazing sex right now, and I’m blubbing.”

“Shh, love.” Nick wiped away Charlie’s tears and kissed his damp cheeks. “No S-word. Talk to me.”

“It’s just not getting any easier to say goodbye to you and now you’re having to go away instead of having the nice, relaxing half-term you deserve. It’s so unfair.”

“I know, Char.” Nick rolled them onto their sides and held Charlie close. “I know.”

Charlie’s light sobs subsided. He turned onto his side so that he was the little spoon, and pulled Nick’s arms over him. For a while, they just lay there, and Nick wondered if he had fallen asleep, when Charlie’s hand started to stroke up and down Nick’s arm.

Nick responded by dropping soft kisses behind Charlie’s ear. When Charlie then arched his back into him, it sent goosebumps careening up and down Nick’s skin. Nick stroked down Charlie’s chest, over his taut abdomen, and then fingered the waistband of his boxers.

“Yes,” Charlie hissed. “Get me ready, baby.”

Nick pushed Charlie’s boxers down, and then his own, before gently running his fingers along his boyfriend’s rapidly hardening length. Charlie wriggled so that Nick’s member was nestled between his cheeks, then turned his head back for a kiss. Nick naturally gave him one, but then rubbed two fingers across Charlie’s lips. Charlie opened up to suck those two digits, the heat shooting pleasure into the far corners of Nick’s brain.

“I’m rolling onto my back, love,” Nick whispered. “Where’s the stuff?”

“I’ll grab it.”

As Nick moved onto his back, Charlie leaned across to the bedside table for the supplies—lube, condoms, wet wipes and a smooth, black and gold glittery plug, just the sight of which turned Nick on.

“You brought the Sparro?” Nick croaked. 

“Yeah, is that okay?” Charlie asked, straddling Nick’s lap. “I thought we could get you ready with it, and then I could wear it while I fuck you.”

“That’s so dirty!” Nick exclaimed, leaning up to kiss Charlie. “I bloody love it.”

“I mean, I’d clean it before it went into me.”

“Goes without saying, Char,” Nick replied. “Still hot though.”

Charlie giggled, before cupping Nick’s face, then kissing him with a grin on his lips. He’d never loved or been loved as much as with Charlie; being with him was even better than he’d imagined for all those years.

“As fun as it is to kiss you like this, it’s time for you to get on your knees, love,” Charlie said, picking up the Sparro and the lube with one hand, and pumping Nick’s hard cock with the other.

Nick ran his hands up Charlie’s thighs and squeezed his arse with both palms.

“You’d better let me get up then!”

Charlie scrambled off Nick, who took his position on all fours. He heard the click of the lube bottle, and his cock throbbed even more, dripping in anticipation. He gasped as Charlie sucked the undulating flesh of his derriere, and then gasped again as his slim, hot, lubed-up finger gently pressed against his hole, leaving him dizzy with desire.

“Are you ready for the Sparro?” Charlie said, as he encircled his rim with the firm silicone.

“Yes!” Nick cried. “One of my most favourite birthday presents, love.”

“What was the best birthday present you ever got?”

“If I said you, would you accuse me of being cheesy?”

“Yes!” Charlie laughed, goosing Nick at the waist. “But I love that you’re cheesy. Corny. Romantic.”

“’You’re looking for corny in your life?’”

“You did not just paraphrase The Holiday at me, when I’m about to fuck you into oblivion?”

“Haha, maybe you need to fuck the corny out of me.”

Charlie leaned over Nick and pressed his chest to Nick’s upper back.

“I think I do,” he murmured, biting Nick’s shoulder.

“Oh God, Char.”

Charlie kissed and licked his way down Nick’s spine, before teasing Nick’s opening with the Sparro again.

“Ready?”

“Yeah.”

Charlie pushed in slowly. Nick’s muscles clenched initially at the intrusion, but then relaxed as Charlie continued to press in, and when the plug went in fully, Nick’s body started to feel like jelly.

“So gorgeous, baby,” Charlie murmured into his ear. “Okay for you?”

“Yeah.”

Charlie pumped the plug in and out a few times, going extra slow over the flare near the base, causing Nick to pant.

“I can’t wait to be inside you, Nicholas,” Charlie cooed, “in your heat.”

“Want you so bad, Char,” Nick croaked. “Fuck me, please.”

Charlie kneaded Nick’s arse with both his hands, then held him with one arm wrapped around his waist as he moved the plug in faster.

“I think you’re ready for me,” Charlie whispered. “You’ve stretched so big with our friend Sparro.”

“Please, Charlie, fill me up.”

“Deep breath in now.”

Nick sucked as much air as he could manage, and as he blew it out, Charlie pulled out the plug, causing Nick to cry out, both with pleasure and with the loss of fullness.

He grabbed the wet-wipes, lube and condoms, then pushed them behind him, but after a few moments started to get antsy.

“Charlie…!”

“Okay, love, okay. I’m just cleaning the Sparro so I can put it in me… ooh, you warmed him up!”

Charlie kissed his lower back, and a moment later, Nick felt him at his entrance. Charlie was slow as he pushed in, slow and gentle, giving Nick plenty of time to acclimatise to the stretch and burn. When he was topping, Nick preferred to be face-to-face with Charlie, but when he was bottoming, he felt more secure, more loved, when utterly surrounded by Charlie from behind.

“Char, faster,” Nick panted. “Get my prostate.”

Charlie picked up the pace but only a little, instead putting more force into his thrusts, getting Nick’s sensitive spot again and again. Just as Nick was going to ask for more, Charlie slowed down.

“I’m edging myself more than you, baby,” he said. “You feel so good I’m in danger of exploding any second.”

Nick threw his head back, and Charlie leaned forward to kiss his neck.

“Do you have anywhere to be tomorrow morning?” Nick asked in between gulping breaths.

“Nope. Not leaving this room til you do.”

“Then can we have a round two, love? And three and four? I want to be limping my way to Gatwick Airport tomorrow.”

“Oh Nick, sweetheart, that’s the plan,” Charlie said, starting to speed up again. “You won’t be able to sit down on the plane.”

“Oh Char, please, fuck me harder,” Nick begged, moving his hand towards his aching, dripping cock.

“No.” Charlie slapped Nick’s hand away. “Mine.”

Charlie dipped his fingers into some of the stray lube around Nick’s hole and then gripped Nick’s member.

“Fuck, feels so good, Char. Gonna come so hard. How can you fuck me and wank me so good all at the same time?”

Charlie’s hand was flying as fast as he was thrusting and Nick felt the embers of his orgasm burn through him.

“Nick, gonna…”

Charlie grunted as he pulsed into Nick, flopping forward just as Nick’s own climax burst through him, spilling all over Charlie’s slim fingers.

“God, you’re so fucking amazing, love,” Nick sighed. “That was…”

“I know, right?”

Charlie rolled off Nick and onto the bed. Nick turned round and lay next to him before turning onto his side to kiss Charlie’s flushed cheek. Charlie grinned and turned onto his side too, drawing Nick closer for a full snog.

“I love you, my Charlie,” Nick whispered.

“Love you so much, my amazing Nick,” replied Charlie, leaning in for another kiss. “God, I’m starving,” he murmured when they broke apart. “Wanna get room service chips and watch Normal People again?”

Nick laughed.

“Fuck, yes!”

--

Saïd Othmani’s textile workshop was predictably closed when Nick, Tilly, Leo and Asma found the place, as it was nearly seven pm.

“Sorry, Nicky, we should have come straight here after dumping our stuff at the hotel,” said Leo, patting Nick on the shoulder.

“Not at all, kiddo,” Nick replied. “We were in that hot car for hours. You needed to chill.”

“What do we do now?” Tilly asked.

“Find dinner,” stated Nick. “The restaurant Nathan and Youssef recommended is around the corner from here. We can come back here tomorrow.”

“Sound,” agreed Asma. “I’m right hungry, like.”

They walked the one hundred metres or so to the restaurant, a pretty villa just within the ancient city walls, with bougainvillaea growing up the side, the doorway tiled in bright, geometric-patterned blue and terracotta tiles.

“Table for four please,” Nick asked, before repeating the request in French.

The restaurant seemed fairly quiet but there was a din of many voices coming from the back room.

“Of course sir, but please bear with us. Our service may be slow tonight as we have a private party as well, and just two servers,” replied the host.

“No problem,” Nick replied.

The man started to show them to a table near the back, but Asma intervened, pointing at a table by the window and saying something in Arabic. The man nodded and gestured for them to sit.

“Thanks, angel,” Leo said. “We wouldn’t have been able to hear ourselves think in that corner.”

A waitress came over just then, and despite the host’s caveat about slow service, their table was heaving with plates within half an hour. They ordered all the dishes Nathan and Youssef recommended. Harira, a lentil soup, was their starter, then a beef tagine with prunes and delicious lamb meatballs topped with fried egg, not to mention the fluffiest vegetable couscous Nick had ever eaten.

“Oh God, I’ve gained a stone,” complained Tilly, reaching under her pink shirt to unbutton her jeans. “Best meal ever.”

“We’ll sleep well tonight,” agreed Leo, dipping a piece of bread in the leftover meatball sauce and then thinking better of it. “I need a break before dessert.”

“I’m not going to manage dessert, Bibi,” said Asma, laying her head on Leo’s shoulder.

“’Bibi?’” Tilly repeated, smirking.

“Jesus, Leo, sorry,” cried Asma, putting her head in her hands. “The food made me forget where I was.”

Leo merely laughed and kissed the crown of her head.

“It’s short for ‘habibi ,’” he explained. “It’s Arabic for darling.”

Nick remembered Sami saying the endearment at him a few times when they first got together, but it never stuck. Yet as he saw Leo and Asma look at each other adoringly, it wasn’t Sami he thought of.

It was Charlie.

“I’m just nipping to the loo,” he said. “If the waitress comes, please could you order me a mint tea? I’m not too sure about dessert either.”

After washing his hands, Nick lay his head against the cold tiles, before picking up a towel to dry his hands. He was just putting it back on the rail when he noticed the pattern.

He had seen it before.

He turned the cloth over. Sure enough, the label read M. Saïd Othmani, with the Taroudant workshop address.

Something clicked in Nick’s brain. He exited the toilets, and as he made his way back to his table, glanced into the room where the private party was taking place. He immediately ducked out of sight again.

He returned to his cousins and Asma, and sat down.

“Tilly’s ordered one dessert for us to try, and four spoons,” said Asma, pushing a cup of fresh mint tea at Nick.

“It seems criminal not to try it when Nathan and Youssef raved about it,” Tilly replied. “And come on, it’s pancakes with cinnamon, honey and nuts. Heaven.”

“You won’t be saying that when your tummy explodes,” laughed Leo. “Right, Nick? Nick?”

“Sami’s family is in that private room,” he whispered. “Her mum, her sisters, their husbands and kids. Loads of them.”

“Breathe, Nick,” whispered Tilly, clutching his hand under the table. “This is a good thing.”

“Yeah,” agreed Leo. “We can get this meeting over and done with. Then maybe you’ll sleep properly tonight.”

“We’ll all be right behind you,” Asma said.

“Okay,” Nick agreed, steeling himself to get up and face the Othmani clan.

However, just then, the party started to drift out of the room.

Fatima was smiling, chatting to Sami’s sister Aïcha, Omar’s mother, but when she saw Nick, she froze and gripped her daughter’s arm.

Nick stood up.

“Bonsoir, Fatima ,” he said. “Joyeux anniversaire.”

Nick saw Fatima tremble slightly, but then her face became ice-cold and she began shouting in Arabic. Nick glanced at Asma, but it wasn’t her who intervened.

“ASKUTI! ” cried Tilly, in such a high-pitched voice that the entire restaurant came to a standstill. “FERMEZ-LA! SHUT UP AND LISTEN!”

Fatima looked stunned, but she stopped talking.

“When did you learn that?” asked Leo.

“It’s useful to know ‘shut up’ in several languages,” Tilly replied, shrugging.

“Thanks,” said Nick, before turning to his mother-in-law. “Fatima, I’ve travelled all the way from England to try to talk to Sami. She’s been gone for over six months. I want to know she’s all right and I want to speak to her. She left without explaining why.”

“You’re trying to divorce her,” Fatima sneered. “You sent papers from a lawyer in London.”

“Yes, I did,” Nick admitted. “That doesn’t mean I don’t care about her. Please can we talk in private?” He gestured to the people in the restaurant.

“You can talk in my office,” murmured an elderly but burly man dressed in a blood-red cotton kaftan. Fatima started to protest.

“Saïd…”

But Saïd held his hand up and replied in Arabic.

“He said, ‘no, you need to talk to him,’” Asma murmured. “’Samira has made her feelings clear.’”

“ Merci, Monsieur Othmani,” Nick replied. “My cousins will be coming too.”

After paying the bill, they followed Saïd back to the textile workshop, and into a comfortable seating area with leather banquettes.

“What do you have to say for yourself, then?” Fatima said, when they were sitting.

“You are making it sound as though I hurt Sami,” Nick replied. “She left me . The day after our wedding, she started acting like a completely different person, like the life I led was hell on Earth.”

“You must have known Sami was a difficult character when you married her,” Fatima replied. “You don’t just divorce without putting in the effort.”

“I did put the effort in,” Nick argued. “I worked hard at our marriage every day for sixteen months, trying to make her happy. Before we got married, we were a team, but afterwards, she avoided me. She acted like I trapped her into a ‘boring, domestic life’ when it was the exact same life we were living before the wedding.”

Fatima huffed, crossing her arms.

“Is Sami all right?” Asma asked, breaking the tense silence. “She was here last week, right?”

“Just for a few hours,” replied Saïd. “She dropped in on my birthday.”

“Where had she been?” asked Nick.

“We do not know,” said Fatima, brushing a tear from her dark lashes with the end of her shawl. “She wouldn’t say.”

“What did she tell you about me? I assume it was bad because you shouted at me when I tried to call.”

“She told us that it was intolerable being married to you and living in Leeds. That you wouldn’t move to Paris for her.”

“She lived with me in Leeds for two years before we got married. It wasn’t until after the wedding that she said she was unhappy. I always told her, before we even got together, that I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave Leeds.”

“Nick spent hours on the phone to us,” explained Leo, “upset because Sami was so unhappy. He tried everything.”

“What did Sami say when she came to your party?” Nick asked Saïd. “I assume there was an argument if she didn’t stay.”

Fatima burst into tears.

“She won’t fulfil her duty,” she cried. “She does not want to be a mother. Ever.”

“Why is it so important that she be a mother?” Nick asked. “You have ten grandchildren already.”

Fatima switched to Arabic to reply, talking at length and circularly in between sobs, so fast that Asma struggled to keep up with the translation.

“Okay, you’re just repeating yourself,” Asma murmured, holding her hands up. “‘Family is everything, and a woman isn’t a woman without motherhood. Society is scathing of women who aren’t mothers.’”

“ Calme-toi,” Saïd said, putting a hand on his sister’s forearm.

Fatima took a deep breath and dried her eyes on her shawl once again.

“Sami’s father encouraged her independence,” Fatima said, switching back to English when she calmed down. “Claude travelled a lot with his work, all over Europe, and she used to go with him while I looked after her sisters.”

“I didn’t know that,” Nick murmured. “But it makes sense. Sami loves to travel.”

“Samira was her father’s daughter,” Saïd said. “They were similar in so many ways. Creative, passionate, nomadic… but also avoidant of family responsibility.”

The statement hung in the air, with Fatima nodding, and Nick realising its verity.

“What work did Sami’s father do?” asked Leo, attempting to cut the tense silence.

“He worked in shipping,” Fatima replied. “We met when I was the secretary at a company in Casablanca.”

“Really?” Leo replied. “I work in shipping, out of Liverpool.”

Fatima’s expression softened, and she patted his hand.

“It’s a good career.”

“He was the director for the Angelicoussis Group’s French operations when he passed away,” added Saïd, “five years ago. Claude Thibault was his name.”

Leo whistled lowly.

“What?” asked Nick.

“The Angelicoussis Shipping Group is one of the biggest shipping companies in the world,” explained Leo. “Their HQ is in Athens.”

“Did Claude ever take Sami to Athens?” Nick asked.

“Yes, he loved Greece and often took her there. Samira’s middle name is Alexandra after Alexander the Great,” Fatima replied. “But he also took her to many places all over the world,” she added before turning fully towards Nick. “Are you still planning to divorce her, Nicholas?”

Nick nodded.

“Fatima, I want marriage and children desperately, and I’ve met someone who wants those things with me,” he explained. “Sami clearly doesn’t. I wish she would talk to me, but I need to move on.”

Fatima nodded, tears streaming down her face again.

“I’m sorry,” Nick continued. “I never got the chance to be a part of your family.” He felt hot tears start to run down his face. “But I need to start my own now.”

“Yes, yes, you do,” she whispered.

“Does Sami know about the divorce papers?” asked Tilly. “They were returned to Nick unopened.”

“I returned them,” Saïd replied. “We thought we could talk Sami into charming her way back to you, but of course, that didn’t happen. She doesn’t know. We didn’t get the chance to tell her.”

“I told her not to return to Morocco,” Fatima said with a sob. “I was so angry, and then so was she. I don’t know if we’ll see her again.”

“Do you still feel that way?” asked Asma.

“I still wish that she would settle down,” Fatima replied, “but I regret saying that. She will always be my daughter.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Nine: Kent

The Nelson house was the same, and yet different, to eighteen years ago, the last time Charlie set foot in it. He remembered the nerves when he pressed the doorbell for the first time, overjoyed and yet terrified when Nick invited him around to play Mario Kart and meet his dog, Nellie. There was no barking or yapping when he rang the bell now. Sarah had had another dog after Nellie, a rescue pug called Henry, but he had passed away the previous year.

Charlie thought back to the conversation he’d had with Nick a couple of days earlier, which had led to him turning up on the Nelson doorstep on this cold and wet Thursday afternoon.

“…Then, Fatima started sobbing again, so I put my arms around her and let her cry it out,” Nick was saying, as he drove to the dig. They were in the small town of Settle that day, excavating in the car park of a 1960s concrete church.

“That was sweet of you,” Charlie said, touching the screen on his dashboard as if Nick was behind it. “It sounds like she’s found it really hard to accept Sami’s unconventionality.”

“She really has,” Nick agreed. “She apologised for not talking to me when I tried to call before, but she didn’t actually know much more than me in the end. Certainly not where Sami was, anyway.”

“Oh Nick,” Charlie replied, his heart sinking. “I’m sorry I made you go. It was a wasted trip.”

“Not at all, Char,” Nick said. “It was good to understand Sami better. Her family now accept that she and I are divorcing and will let me know if they hear from her.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“The twins, Asma and I agreed that we’re going to stay in Taroudant for Fatima’s party tonight, and then—”

“Wait, you’re going to the family party?” Charlie’s stomach leapt, a queasiness swirling inside him. “Even though you and Sami are split up?”

“Yeah,” Nick replied. “If Sami does turn up then I’ll be able to catch her, although I’m not optimistic. And now that things are squared with me and the family it felt rude to turn down the invite.”

“Sure,” Charlie replied flatly, “it’s closure, I guess.”

“It is,” Nick agreed. “Then tomorrow morning we’re going to return to Marrakech and stay with Nathan and Youssef for one more day, and they’re going to take us to the airport on Thursday morning.”

“Are you still planning to stay with your mum Thursday night?" Charlie asked. “And come back to Leeds Friday?”

“Yep, that’s the plan.”

“What if you stayed in Kent for the weekend?” Charlie suggested suddenly, the idea forming as he spoke.

“What? But then we wouldn’t see each other for two weeks, love.”

“I could drive down on Thursday,” Charlie said. “Andy is taking Friday off for his daughter’s 18 th birthday, and the weather forecast is awful for the end of the week anyway.”

“Yes!” Nick cried. “Please, love, that would be amazing.”

“You think?” Charlie asked, buoyed up again by Nick’s enthusiasm. “Maybe I could meet your mum?”

“She’d be ecstatic,” Nick murmured. “She’s been asking when she can see you.”

“Would you, uh, want to meet the rest of my family?” Charlie ventured. “I mean, uh, officially. Olly and his fiancée, Hayley, have been pestering me to come down for a couple of weeks now.”

“Of course!” Nick exclaimed, causing ripples of warmth through Charlie. “I can’t wait.”

“Oh my gosh, it’s you!”

Sarah Nelson had barely changed, apart from a few grey hairs in her brown bob and some crows’ feet, and the Cath Kidston-style floral walking cane in her hand.

“Hi Sarah,” Charlie murmured. “It’s so lovely to see you again.”

And then her warm arms were around him, giving him a comforting squeeze, her soft hands patting his back, humming sweetly in his ear.

“Come in, come in,” she said, pulling him into the house. “Oh, such a shame you and Nicky have to wear these ugly caps everywhere.” She held her hand out and Charlie placed his Colosseum cap in her hand. “Oh, my, look at your lovely hair.”

Charlie giggled and ruffled out his curls.

“Better?”

Sarah leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek.

“Gorgeous,” she replied with a wink. “Tea?”

“Yes please,” Charlie replied. “Where’s—”

“He’s asleep on the sofa,” Sarah murmured. “He tried so hard to stay up for you, but he was exhausted.”

She pointed into the living room, where Nick was passed out on his side, hugging a long cushion, covered by an old, crochet throw. Charlie knelt beside him and stroked his auburn fringe out of his face before dropping a kiss on his forehead.

“Char…” Nick mumbled, but didn’t wake up. He looked adorable, his mouth slightly open, his ginger eyelashes dusting his rosy cheeks.

“I’m here, my love.”

“Baby…”

“Later,” Charlie whispered as he rubbed his thumb across Nick’s soft lips.

“Hmm…”

Nick’s eyes fluttered open but then closed again.

“Either he sleeps like the dead or barely sleeps,” Sarah observed.

“While he’s waking up, please could I use the bathroom, Sarah?”

“Of course! Why don’t you take your bag upstairs and use the loo there?” she suggested. “You are staying here tonight, aren’t you?”

“Yes, if that’s still okay?”

Sarah cupped his face and kissed him on both cheeks.

“I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re here,” she said. “Having you back… it’s like Nick’s whole again.”

Charlie hugged her once more before heading upstairs.

Just like the house and Sarah herself, Nick’s room hadn’t changed much either in eighteen years. The rugby trophies on the shelves, the old Formula 1 poster, the navy bedspread. A framed poster of a rugby ball, painted in the bisexual colours of pink, purple and blue, now hung proudly over the bed, where before there had been a signed England Rugby poster; that poster was now on the opposite wall.

“Hi,” Nick said from behind him, wrapping thick arms around Charlie’s waist and kissing his neck.

“Hello, love,” Charlie said, “good nap?”

“The wake-up was better,” Nick replied. “What are you thinking, looking at my room?”

“I’m thinking of all the times I wanted to do more than play Mario Kart with you here,” Charlie murmured in reply, “and it looks almost the same as it did back then.”

Charlie turned around, cupped the back of Nick’s head, scratching his scalp as he kissed him. He was rewarded by Nick whimpering into his mouth, holding Charlie even closer with his large hand pressed into the small of Charlie’s back.

“Nicky! Charlie!” Sarah called. “Tea’s ready.”

“Be right down, Mum!” Nick called.

They came down the stairs holding hands and when Sarah saw them, she squealed and clapped her hands.

“The most adorable couple,” she said, squealing again when Nick and Charlie looked at each other. “Come, sit.”

She poured tea for all of them, and Charlie smiled to himself when she made him his cuppa just the way he liked it, as if it had been eighteen hours since she saw him and not eighteen years.

“Thank you, Sarah.”

“Now, what are your plans for the weekend, boys?” she asked, passing around a biscuit tin. Nick took three Oreos, and Charlie forced himself to take one plain Digestive.

“Well, we’re going to just hang out tomorrow during the daytime, play some uh, Mario Kart, like old times,” said Nick, taking Charlie’s hand and running his thumb over his knuckles.

“Oh, good decision, the weather is going to be awful,” Sarah replied, making a beeline for the shortbread fingers. “I’m going to have to brave it for work though.”

“You’re working tomorrow?” Nick glanced sideways at Charlie. “Err, how come?”

“They’re short-staffed at the vaccination clinic so I’ll be out all day, eight until five,” she replied. “So you’ll have the house to yourselves,” she added with a wink.

“Mum…” Nick’s cheeks pinked up.

“Oh Nicky,” Sarah giggled. “It’s just sex, baby!”

Charlie laughed out loud, spluttering out a mouthful of tea.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” he said, still giggling. “I didn’t mean to do a spit-take. It’s just—”

“Oh Charlie, I like to get the tea on many things,” she chuckled, “but you don’t have to say anymore!”

“Yes, please let’s change the subject,” pleaded Nick, now bright red.

Charlie patted his hand and Nick leaned in so their temples were touching.

“Are you staying tomorrow night too?” Sarah asked.

Charlie shook his head.

“We are meeting my family tomorrow evening at my cottage,” he replied. “My sister’s partner is making dinner, which means we won’t be eating until eight at least.”

“Then on Saturday, Charlie’s friends from school are coming,” Nick said. “Last weekend in London was quite hectic, and I didn’t get much time to get to know them.”

“One of my friends is returning to LA tomorrow evening so he’s coming for a while during the day. The rest all said they’d come down from London too and they’re going to have dinner and stay over.”

“Aah, that’s so sweet,” said Sarah. “Nicky didn’t really stay in touch with his group from Truham.”

“That’s because most of them were knobs,” Nick huffed. “Charlie lucked out with his Truham friends.”

“I did, it’s true.”

“That nasty little Greene boy, Sandra’s son…” Sarah puffed out her cheeks and clenched her hands around her mug. “I wanted to torch his fancy T-car when I saw what he did.”

“’T-car?’” Charlie asked.

“She means a Tesla,” Nick explained.

“Ugh, of course Harry Greene would have a Tesla,” muttered Charlie before turning to Sarah. “He’s not worth being arrested for, Sarah.”

“Haha, no he isn’t,” she agreed. “How is the press situation now, Charlie? Will you being in Kent make things worse?”

“It seems to have died down, thankfully,” Charlie replied. “The attention is back to pre-podcast levels, but we still need to be careful in public for now.” He put down his mug and took Nick’s hand. “At this rate, the first date I take Nick on will be the one where I propose!”

Sarah gasped.

Nick gasped.

And then Charlie gasped.

“I mean, uh…” He dared to glance at Nick, who was staring at him, open-mouthed. “One day, if you want to. I mean, we haven’t talked about that, and maybe you aren’t keen on getting married again after Sami and…”

“I definitely want to,” Nick whispered, lifting Charlie’s hand and kissing the back of it. “One day.”

“Good to know,” Charlie mumbled.  

“Oh, you beautiful, beautiful boys!” Sarah exclaimed, teary-eyed. “I’m so happy you found each other again.”

--

Twenty-four hours later, Charlie was showing Nick into the hallway of his cottage, on the outskirts of Sheldwich, between Faversham and Canterbury.

“You call this a cottage?” Nick said as he looked up at the high ceiling. “It’s bigger than your Yorkshire house!”

“Um, yeah, I guess,” Charlie murmured, taking off his coat and hanging it up on the coat rack.

“You okay?” Nick asked, coming back towards Charlie and pulling him into his embrace.

“I just… it’s not home anymore.”

Nick peered around Charlie into the living room, then took him by the hand to sit on a large brown, leather Chesterfield-style sofa.

“Tell me more, love,” he encouraged, lifting Charlie’s legs over his lap.

Charlie tucked his head into Nick’s shoulder.

“I know we’ve not decided anything yet,” Charlie said, “but knowing how settled you are up north, I think I’ve just started planning to move up to Yorkshire, and so now, when I look at this house, it feels like just that. A house I own. That’s it.”

“Why don’t we decide, then?” Nick said, leaning against the back of the sofa.

“I don’t want you to feel rushed into anything, though,” Charlie replied. “You and Sami went headfirst into your marriage and that didn’t work out.”

“But you aren’t Sami and it’s very different,” Nick countered. “I want to be with you, live with you, marry you, Charlie. I want everything. With you.”

“Would you move down here? I mean, my family is here, your mum is here, most of my friends are in London.”

“But you just said that you’ve started planning to move to Yorkshire. You said you could get a permanent post at the University of York.”

“I am, but what I’m asking is whether you’d move for me, if I asked you to. Whether you’d be prepared to travel with me if I got a new book deal.”

“Um…”

Nick was silent and Charlie felt the hairs on his arms stand up, a shiver running down his back.

“I see.”

Charlie swung his legs off Nick’s lap and stood up.

“No, wait, Charlie.” Nick grabbed Charlie’s hand. “Please, let me find the words to explain.”

Nick leaned forward and rested his head against Charlie’s tummy, wrapping his arms around his slim waist. Charlie couldn’t help but play with Nick’s titian hair as he waited for him to speak.

“Char,” Nick began after what felt like an age. “In theory, I would move tomorrow. I’d follow you anywhere.”

“But in practice?”

“Leeds is my safe place,” Nick mumbled. “I function there. I have my school, my club, and my friends. I haven’t had a lapse in my ADHD since I moved there because my routine supports me. It’s not perfect, but it’s predictable, even when the rest of my life is chaotic.”

“Like me? I brought complete chaos into your life, didn’t I?”

Nick looked up.

“Yeah, but in the best way, though, Charlie!” he cried. “I love you and I love being loved by you and want to be with you all the time. I—”

The doorbell rang, followed by the sound of the cottage door opening.

“Charlie!” cried Tori. “Michael’s bought half of Waitrose, the bugger. Can you give us a hand?”

Charlie sighed and dropped down to give Nick a soft forehead kiss.

“We’ll continue this later, okay?” he whispered.

“Yeah,” Nick agreed, tilting his head up for another kiss. “Later.”

They got up and put their hats on to go outside – probably an unnecessary precaution as Charlie’s cottage was surrounded by fields and trees, but it had become a habit.

“Jesus, Tori wasn’t kidding,” Charlie said as he took in the boot of Michael’s jeep. “How many people are you feeding?”

“A lot!” exclaimed Michael. “Us four, Jane and Julio, Olly and Hayley. And Wednesday, of course.”

“Of course,” said Nick. “How’s she doing? Did she let you get that burr out of her bum-fur?”

“How did you know about that?” Tori asked, crossing her arms.

“I told him,” Michael replied, passing Nick some bags, “when we chatted yesterday.”

“Yeah, we menu-coordinated,” Nick added. Michael’s making salmon en croute, and then I’m making plum and apple pudding for dessert.”

“And we planned the booze, of course.” Michael hefted a crate of wine bottles out of the boot.

“So, you two are friends,” Tori observed, as she pulled Wednesday’s cat carrier out of the backseat.

“Nick’s been helping me with my muscle gains,” Michael said, flexing his free bicep. “We do gym FaceTime a couple times a week.”

“Oh,” Charlie mumbled at Nick. “You never said.”

Nick kissed Charlie’s cheek as he walked past him with the bags of groceries.

“It never came up.”

 --

“So then Hayley started chasing Peanut down the street, but it was too late,” chortled Olly, his arm draped over his fiancée’s shoulder. “He got away with the whole bloody bucket!”

“We caught up with him in the park,” continued Hayley, patting her slightly rounded belly. “He’d managed to eat half the chicken, so of course then we had to take him to the vet to make sure he hadn’t swallowed some bones!”

“It’s the absolute last time we dog-sit for that monster,” Olly said. “Half cocker-spaniel, half hellhound!”

Everyone laughed, and Oliver dropped a kiss onto Hayley’s light, blonde waves. Charlie looked at his brother, eight years younger, three inches taller, with well-behaved hair and a million times more self-assuredness. The feeling of missing him and Hayley, and his parents, and Tori and Michael, felt as crushing as his envy.

“You okay?” Nick whispered, stroking his little finger against Charlie’s. “Bit overwhelmed?”

Charlie saw Nick glance at Charlie’s plate, potatoes smashed into bits and pushed to the side, the salmon en croute half-eaten, with the pastry dissected away and shredded.

“Hmm,” Charlie replied with a shrug.

His palms started to sweat and he moved his hand away from Nick’s to rub them on his jeans; he then reached for his wine glass.

“Nick, didn’t you used to have a dog?” said Charlie’s father Julio. “A brown and white thing?”

“Nellie!” Olly exclaimed. “Dad, she was a purebred border collie, don’t call her a ‘thing!’”

“You remember that?” Nick replied, his eyes shining. “You can’t have been more than seven at the time.”

“’Doggies!’” mimicked his mum, Jane. “Oliver was obsessed when he was little, Hayley, but Peanut seems to have put him off for life.”

“If Peanut was like Nellie, we’d have a houseful,” Olly said seriously. “Hayls, she was the best.”

“Don’t, you’ll make Nick cry,” said Charlie.

“Doesn’t take much,” laughed Nick, looking at Michael on his other side, who chuckled and nudged Nick with his shoulder before topping up both their wine glasses.

“Well, I think we should raise a toast,” began Tori, placing Wednesday on Michael’s lap and standing up. “First to Oliver, Hayley and Baby Carter-Spring! See Mum and Dad, grandkids!”

“To Oliver, Hayley and Baby Carter-Spring!” chorused everyone.

“And second to Charlie, for finally fucking doing something that makes him happy,” Tori deadpanned.

“Language, Victoria,” interjected Jane.

“Even if the thing you’re doing is Nick!” Tori continued, giving Nick a look through narrowed eyes.

“Tori!” Julio cut in.

“It’s okay, Dad,” Charlie said. “Nick does make me happy.”

“To Charlie!” Everyone raised their glasses.

Nick reached for Charlie’s hand and kissed Charlie’s temple, which sent familiar warm ripples through him, but the words themselves made Charlie feel more unsettled, not less. He loved Nick, absolutely, like no other, but he couldn’t escape the feeling that everything was about to come crashing down.

--

Charlie didn’t sleep. Instead, he watched Nick slumber, lying next to him, feeling his body warmth but not touching his perfect, freckled skin, or his perfect button nose, his perfect floppy, auburn fringe.

And yet, nothing about their situation was perfect.

“We’ll continue this later.”

Except they didn’t. Charlie’s family left after midnight, and Nick, who had been drinking steadily, matching Michael all evening, passed out shortly afterwards. Charlie’s churning stomach and racing thoughts didn’t let him have the same luxury.

Charlie finally got up just before seven and went downstairs to make a coffee. Just as he was making up a large pot, he spotted Nick’s phone by the kitchen sink. The battery was dead, so he found a charger in a drawer and plugged it in.

He sat down with his laptop at the kitchen table. With heavy eyes, he reviewed the notes that he, Andy and the postgrad students had made, but he couldn’t concentrate. He could barely sit still.

Suddenly, Nick’s phone lit up and buzzed. Charlie went over to turn it off, when he noticed the texts.

Leo

Whatsapp 16 notifications

L: And that’s the rest of the Sami pics! See ya soon Nicky!

Charlie touched the screen but then pulled his finger back, went to sit down, but instead paced around the kitchen.

Why was Leo sending Nick pictures of Sami? What else was Nick not telling him?

The more Charlie thought about it, the more he thought about it.

Nick went to Sami’s mum’s birthday party. Was it really closure? Or did he not want to cut ties? Why didn’t he say he was friends with Michael, like, good friends? Nick didn’t want to leave Leeds. But what if an amazing research opportunity came up for Charlie abroad? Would Nick expect him to give that up? Morocco was supposed to finish everything off, but it made Nick face saying goodbye to Sami and now maybe he couldn’t do it.

Charlie stewed his way through the whole pot of coffee. Even though he was jittery, he made another, but when he heard movement upstairs he paused.

“Char! Is my phone down there?”

Charlie opened his mouth to answer but no noise came out. A minute later, Nick came down the stairs, wearing last night’s t-shirt and boxers.

“There you are, and you put my phone on charge, what a star!” Nick kissed Charlie on the top of his head. “I completely forgot to email the lawyers yesterday with the update from Morocco.” He saw the cafetiere, newly made up. “God, I need some coffee. Michael’s a devil for topping up wine glasses, isn’t he?”

Charlie silently picked up a mug and poured Nick a cup of coffee, and passed it to him before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“I missed you when I woke up. Have you been up long?” Nick said, sliding into the chair next to Charlie.

“Hmm.”

“Char?” Nick finally looked at Charlie’s face properly, and his own dropped. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Charlie swallowed hard.

“Why is Leo sending you pictures of Sami?”

“What?” Nick replied. He leaned behind him and pulled the phone off the charger. “What pictures?”

“Loads of them,” Charlie replied, wrapping his arms around himself.

Nick looked at what Leo had sent him and his face softened.

“Oh, Char, it’s not what you think. These pictures—”

“’Not what I think?’ Really, Nick?” Charlie stood up. “What I know is that you’ve not been telling me important things!”

“Like what?”

“Like the fact that you’re besties with Michael? That you’re not prepared to leave Leeds?”

“Char—”

“You’ve hardly told me anything about Morocco since I spoke to you on Tuesday. Maybe being there’s made you doubt your decision to leave Sami. To be with me!”

Nick’s eyes were shimmering now, tears gathering on his red-rimmed lower lashes.

“W-where is this all coming from? This doubt?” he cried. “The only thing I want in the world is to be with you!”

“But you’re spending time with your ex-wife’s family, gathering pictures of her!” he cried. “And you only want to be with me if I move to Yorkshire, leaving behind my whole family, including my new niece or nephew!

“That’s so unfair, Charlie! I explained why it’s so hard for me to leave Leeds but—"

Charlie was vibrating with unreleased sobs and he couldn’t stay any longer. He shoved his feet into some old Converse by the back door, and ran out into the garden. He didn’t get very far though, as the shoes were only half on his feet, and he could barely take a few steps on the rough, wet, grass, before he had to stop.

“Charlie.” Charlie froze on the spot. “Please, my love.”

It was the soft, pleading, my love that made him turn around.

Nick was right behind him, arms’ length away, barefoot, shivering slightly in the cool November air, his face completely soaked with tears.

“Nick.”

“I love you, Charlie Spring. I am so completely in love with you that you are the only reason I even get up in the morning. Before you came back into it, I was going through the motions of my life, clinging to my routine just to keep existing.”

“Then why won’t you think about letting it go?” Charlie asked, his voice hoarse. “I don’t want to be away from you, but my livelihood is attached to me being able to travel.”

“And my livelihood is about me being a steady presence in the lives of the children I teach. I know it’s only a small difference that I make, but children need consistency. I need consistency to function.”

“So where do we go from here?” Charlie asked. “And don’t think I haven’t forgotten about those pictures of Sami!”

“Those pictures aren’t of Sami!” Nick cried. “They’re pictures of Sami’s stuff, from her mum’s house. Pictures from her family’s home in Taroudant. Things that might help me find her.”

“Oh.”

“But you know what? Trying to find her is killing me, and it’s killing you, so I’m going to stop. Fuck, marriage is only a piece of paper, right?”

“You don’t believe that, otherwise you wouldn’t have tried so hard to find her to give her the divorce papers.”

“You’re right,” Nick acknowledged. “Because I want to be married to you, Charlie. I’ve always wanted that. Since I was sixteen years old.” He held up his left hand. There was no longer any sign of his old wedding band on his ring finger. “There should be a thick, tungsten band on here, with our names engraved on it. Nick and Charlie. Forever.”

“Tungsten?”

“It’s the hardest and most durable metal,” Nick explained. “It would last forever.”

“I want that, love,” Charlie murmured. “But how are we going to make it work?”

“Can we just start with a year in Yorkshire? Just one year before you travel with any new book deals or research digs or whatever else comes up?” Nick asked. “I don’t need to live in Leeds. I just need to be able to get to school and to rugby. I could commute from Kilnsey. It’d be long and hard, but I could cope if I knew you’d be there when I got home at the end of it. And we could come down to Kent to see the family every other weekend if you wanted. Tilly and I come down almost monthly anyway. Fortnightly isn’t that much more.”

Charlie didn’t reply, but instead closed his eyes, imagining being with Nick every day.

“We need more time together, Charlie,” Nick continued, taking Charlie’s silence as doubt. “Our lives are so different but I know, I know that what we have is worth it, love, if we want it enough.

“You and I, us, we are worth all the drama and the upheaval to bring our lives together. But I don’t cope with change well, Char. My brain just isn’t wired that way. I don’t always realise what’s important to tell people and what isn’t—"

Charlie silenced Nick by throwing himself against him, wrapping his arms around Nick’s neck. Nick gasped, then encircled Charlie’s waist and took him off his feet.

“I’m so sorry, Nick. I just let all sorts of thoughts fester and build into this stupid ball of anxiety inside me, then when I glimpsed Leo’s texts on your phone, I jumped to the wrong conclusion.”

Nick lifted Charlie up, holding his weight easily with just one arm so he could brush the wetness away from Charlie’s cheeks with the other. Charlie copied him, rubbing away the tears from Nick’s red face.

“Oh, my beautiful, amazing Char, I’m sorry too. I should have told you about seeing Sami’s things, talked to you more about spending time with her family in Taroudant, about Michael. Everything.”

“It’s okay, love,” Charlie whispered, inches from Nick’s lips. “Did you mean it when you said you’d move in with me in Kilnsey, and commute to Leeds?”

“If you give me the rest of this school year in Yorkshire, then I promise you, Char, I’ll put my house up for rent and move in with you full-time. I’ll leave the lawyers to sort out finding Sami and the divorce. I just want to be with you.”

“I promise you, Nick Nelson,” Charlie murmured, “that if you move in with me full-time, I’ll stay in Yorkshire until the end of this academic year. At least. And I won’t agree to any travel or book deals or any other work without agreeing them with you. It’s not easy for me either, change, but you’re worth it. I know we can make it work.”

Nick beamed.

“And could we talk to Darcy about a new media strategy?” Nick moved his hand into Charlie’s curls, which were damp with the cold November mist. “I’m sick of hiding, swapping cars all the fucking time, wearing stupid caps, of always looking over our shoulders.”

“Are you ready?” 

Nick nodded.

“It’s going to be terrifying and I know crap will be said about both of us but we’ve got a bit of time to get used to the idea and plan, right?”

“Right!” Charlie agreed. “Darcy will lose their shit, but hey, that’s what they get paid for!”

They both laughed.

“It’s a deal, then?”

“Deal, sweetheart.”

Nick slipped his free hand down Charlie’s back and cupped his behind so Charlie wrapped his legs around Nick’s waist, then leaned in for a kiss.

“So, uh, our first fight?” Nick murmured. “Does that mean we get our first make-up sex?”

Charlie tilted his head and flicked his tongue against Nick’s bottom lip before kissing his jaw.

“Oh yes!” he giggled. “Take us inside, my love.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Ten: Kent to Leeds

Nick woke up on his side to the bed dipping behind him; Charlie was getting back into bed. Soon he felt soft kisses along his shoulder and a warm body draped over him from behind.  

“Hmm, Char,” he murmured. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” came a soft mumble into his ear, followed by a gentle suck of his earlobe.

“Almost every room in the house has got your friends sleeping in them, love,” Nick replied before dropping his voice. “I don’t think they want to hear me fuck you, baby.”

Charlie giggled and wriggled over Nick so they were face to face.

“And what makes you think that you’re going to be the one topping this morning, Mr Nelson?” Charlie asked, booping Nick’s nose.

Nick stroked one hand down Charlie’s side, and cupped his bare arse, squeezing the velvety, yet firm, flesh. Charlie’s breath hitched.

“That,” Nick whispered. He squeezed again, and sucked against Charlie’s collarbone. “I know when you want to be all filled up, baby.”

“Oh God, I do want it,” Charlie moaned. “I’ll just have to be quiet.”

“How do you want to be prepped?” Nick whispered.

“Tongue and fingers,” Charlie replied, quick as a flash. “Is that okay?”

Now Nick was the one who was booping Charlie’s nose.

“You know it is,” he said. “Charlie for breakfast, lucky me.”

Charlie turned onto his front and reached into his bedside drawer for wet wipes, lube and a condom.

“I’ve just cleaned myself in the bathroom,” Charlie said, “but use the wipes as well.”

Nick picked up the red packet of wet-wipes and was about to open them when he got a look at the red packet. Most of the words were in Greek, apart from one.

Sephora.

“Char, where did you get these wipes from? Something about them is familiar.”

“Well, sure, they’re from Sephora,” Charlie replied, but it wasn’t an explanation for Nick.

“’Sephora?’”

“The big beauty company?” Charlie said but then realisation crossed his eyes. “Oh, why would you know that? You use the same 99p moisturiser for everything.”

Nick picked up the packet and tried to figure out why it bothered him.

“Where did you buy these ones?” he asked, touching the Greek writing on the pack.

“In Thessaloniki, in Greece. It was when I was on my last filming trip for the BBC in June. I didn’t actually need them at the time, but I was killing a couple of hours in the city before the flight home. I only wandered into Sephora because they had a big Pride flag in the window, but then the salesgirls were so sweet that I bought a few random things.”

“Thessaloniki,” Nick mumbled, sitting up. “Home of Alexander the Great, right?”

“Sort of. He was King of the Macedon kingdom. The city itself was founded by Cassander of Macedon in 315 BCE, who was married to Alexander the Great’s sister...” Charlie tailed off and sat up to face Nick, lifting his crossed legs up so they covered Nick’s lap. “That’s not important right now. What’s going on in your brain, love?”

“Sami’s middle name is Alexandra, after Alexander the Great. I found out in Morocco that her dad spent a lot of time in Greece,” Nick explained. “And when we got together, she had loads of beauty stuff by this Sephora place, with Greek writing on it.”

“Oh?”

Nick looked up at Charlie, simultaneously mad at himself that he was ruining their intimate time, and also desperately trying to connect the dots. He drew Charlie in closer, kissed the top of his head and rested his hands against his slim hips.

“If it’s a big beauty company, that means they have lots of shops in Greece, right?”

“I think so, sweetheart. I don’t think you’ll find Sami through her love of Sephora,” Charlie mumbled against Nick’s shoulder.

The neurons that were firing in Nick’s brain seemed to die down again. “Yeah, it was a stupid thought. Sor–”

Charlie silenced him by covering his mouth and resting his forehead against Nick’s. “It wasn’t stupid, love,” Charlie murmured before kissing Nick between his eyebrows. “I think the moment for sex has passed so why don’t we go down and make some coffee?”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “Sounds good.”

Before Nick let Charlie off his lap, though, he tilted his chin up for one more soft kiss.

“What was that for?”

“Just because I can,” Nick replied. “Because you’re amazing.”

Charlie tucked himself against Nick’s chest so that his wild curls tickled Nick’s chin.

“Right back at you,” he whispered. 

They sat like that for a while, but then Charlie’s tummy let out a protest.

“I guess I’m hungry,” Charlie said, his lips against Nick’s neck. “I was a bit overwhelmed yesterday with everyone coming round so I probably didn’t eat enough.”

“Let’s go get you some breakfast before the others wake up,” Nick said. “You can have some brunch with the rest of us if you feel like it later.”

They stood up and put on pyjamas, and Charlie picked up both their phones before they headed downstairs. Just as they were about to set foot outside the bedroom, however, Charlie stopped.

“Postcards.”

“Huh?”

“Yesterday, when you were telling me about what Leo sent you, you said there were old postcards in the box of Sami’s stuff. Could they give you a clue about where she might be?”

“They might,” Nick found himself gripping Charlie’s hand as anticipation rippled through him. “We can look at the pictures over breakfast.”

They descended the stairs still holding hands. As they reached the bottom step, however, they bumped into Isaac coming out of the downstairs loo, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with one hand and holding a copy of Notes on a Nervous Planet in the other.

“Morning, Isaac,” greeted Nick. “Did you sleep okay on the sofa?”

“Yeah, comfy sofa.. .”

“Want a coffee?” Charlie added.

“No thanks, Charles. I’m going back to sleep for a bit,” Isaac murmured, covering his bushy, chestnut beard with his book. “Um, and heads up, you should enter the kitchen with caution.”

“Why?”

He glanced down and chuckled. “You’ll see.” He disappeared back into the living room and shut the door. Nick and Charlie looked at each other, and then Charlie gently pushed the kitchen door open.

“Oh,” Nick mouthed at Charlie.

Elle was sitting on the kitchen counter, dressed in a short, gold silk pyjama shorts set with a fluffy cream cardigan over the top. Standing between her long, slim legs was Tao, who was feasting on her neck, his hands lost underneath her pyjama top.

“Missed you so much,” Elle murmured, gripping fistfuls of Tao’s Studio Ghibli t-shirt in her delicate hands. “Tao-Tao, oh my God. I can’t believe you missed your flight for me.”

“I can’t go back there, Elle-Bell. I don’t want to be anywhere but with you...”

Nick glanced at Charlie and placed one hand on his boyfriend’s flat abdomen, which was still audibly grumbling.

“Ah-hem.” Nick cleared his throat loudly. Tao and Elle froze, then turned their heads slowly. “Really sorry to interrupt, but, uh...” Nick paused because Tao looked positively murderous.

“Don’t give my love evils, Tao,” Charlie cut in, stepping in front of Nick. “He interrupted because I need to eat, like now.”

Tao’s expression softened, especially when Elle giggled, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

“He got his mum to turn around at the Heathrow junction,” she said, nuzzling against Tao’s temple. “He’s coming home, for good.”

“You are?” Charlie asked, with a huge smile on his face. “The job at London Film School?”

“I emailed them in the car last night to accept,” Tao confirmed before looking at Elle. “I am never leaving you again.”

“I love you, Tao.”

“I love you too, Elle.”

“Congratulations, guys,” murmured Nick, snuggling closer to Charlie.

“Thanks”, said Tao. then beamed at Elle again.

Elle pulled him towards her by his collar and kissed him deeply, running her fingers into his shiny, black hair. She slid off the kitchen counter, held her hand out to Tao, who grabbed it, and then she led him out of the kitchen.

Charlie turned around to face Nick who cupped his face and smoothed his curls back.

“Toast, coffee, pictures,” Nick murmured, dropping a kiss on Charlie’s forehead. “Before we get another dose of drama from friends and family.”

“I think Tao and Elle getting together has fulfilled our quota!” Charlie laughed, breaking away from Nick and picking up the kettle. “Are you having coffee or tea, love?”

“Coffee, please,” Nick replied. “Since Morocco, I seem to have developed a taste for it.”

“That riad in Marrakech sounded amazing,” Charlie said, filling up the kettle from the kitchen tap, while Nick found the bread, butter and jam for toast.

“I promise to take you, love,” Nick said. “It's so peaceful, and Nathan and Youssef are the best.”

“Anywhere else you’d like to go, sweetheart?” Charlie asked. “What are your bucket list places?”

“Well, I’d love to take you to Menorca. There’s a Nelson family trip every two or three years. I would love to go to Canada, South Africa and New Zealand...” Nick sighed. “But you know where I’ve always wanted to go?”

“Where, love?”

“Greece,” Nick replied. “I know you’ve been a million times, but I’ve never managed it.”

“If you take me to Morocco, Nick,” Charlie began, putting down the coffee pot he had been filling, “then I will take you to Greece. Athens is pretty intense but you’d love Thessaloniki. It’s more chilled.”

“Oh Char.” Nick was about to drop the loaf of bread he was holding to snog Charlie senseless when they heard a thud from above. “Who’s in the room up there?”

“... Oh god, Darcy! Don’t stop!”

“ Never mind,” Nick mumbled. Charlie guffawed out loud. “Do you have any noise-cancelling headphones?”

“No need.” Charlie grabbed a broom handle from the corner and tapped on the ceiling three times. “This happened the last time they stayed over here.”

“ Sorry Charlie!” came Tara’s voice, accompanied by a giggle, muffled through the ceiling.

“Drama, drama, drama,” Nick laughed.

“God, I know, right?”

Once he and Charlie had eaten two pieces of toast and were starting on their second coffees, Charlie pushed Nick’s phone toward him.

“Have you seen Leo’s pictures properly yet?” Charlie asked, sipping at his coffee, his lips grazing the rim of the cup.

“No,” Nick admitted. “To be honest, I was so overwhelmed when we were at Sami’s mum’s house, I ran outside when they were taking these pics.”

“Oh love,” Charlie replied, covering his hand. “Are you okay with us looking at them now?”

“Yes, I want to.”

He opened Whatsapp and Leo’s messages.

Leo

L: Pics of Sami’s stuff! Asma translated the writing that’s in Arabic.

<Pic 1: Postcard of Alexander the Great statue>

<Pic 2: Arabic writing from Pic 1>: Dear Mama, Daddy took me to Thess for the weekend as Athens was getting really hot! Today we went for ice cream, and then we went to see King Alex on the horsey! Daddy’s favourite! I love you! Kisses! Sami

<Pic 3: Postcard of an ornate gold wreath of flowering myrtle on a black background>

<Pic 4: Arabic writing from Pic 3>: Dear Mama, isn’t this necklace pretty? Daddy and I saw it in this awesome underground museum, because it was so hot in Thess, even on the waterfront. The museum was cold inside and all the stuff was so cool! Kisses! Sami

< Pic 5: Postcard of sunset over the White Tower of Thessaloniki>

<Pic 6: Arabic writing from Pic 5>: Dear Mama, Daddy and I had a huge fight!. A couple of local girls, Nia and Popi, invited me to hang out with them on Nea Paralia. They were so cool and pretty! But Daddy wouldn’t let me go. Miss you. Sami

<Pic 7: Postcard of The Umbrellas at night, lit up in rainbow colours>

<Pic 8: Arabic writing from Pic 7>: Dear Mama, hope you are settling into the new house. I’m stopping off in Thessaloniki to see Nia and Popi for a few days on my way back to Paris from Singapore; they just bought a new apartment. I know you’re still angry with me for breaking up with Sebastian, but just because he was handsome and wealthy, doesn’t mean he was right for me. Sami.

L: And here’s some more.

<Pic 9: A pair of small gold earrings, with a sun design on them

<Pic 10: A small teddy bear with a white t-shirt, with a Greek ‘Ble Mati’ eye symbol on the back and Thess Pride symbol on the front>

<Pic 11: Gold lapel pin brooch of a pomegranate, with small red stones, sitting next to a pear in mother of pearl>

<Pic 12: Cardboard box with Arabic writing>: ‘ Samira’

<Pic 13: Picture of Nick and Sami’s wedding day, Leeds Town Hall>

<Pic 14: Arabic writing on the back of a  picture of Nick and Sami’s wedding>: Dear Mama, I promised I would try, and I am trying. Nicholas is the kindest man with the purest heart. If I can’t make it with him, I can’t make it with anyone. Sami.

L: And that’s the rest of the Sami pics! See ya soon Nicky!

Nick stared at the photos for what felt like an age, until he felt Charlie’s hand on his thigh.

“You okay, love?”

“It all feels so familiar and yet so alien,” Nick replied. “She went to Greece a lot, didn’t she?”

“Not just Greece, my love,” Charlie confirmed. “Thessaloniki.” When Nick looked at Charlie, he continued. “The Alexander the Great statue, the Umbrellas installation, the White Tower... they’re all on the city waterfront. And the underground museum she makes reference to is in Vergina, about an hour away. It’s the tomb of Philip the Second, Alexander the Great’s father.”

“Do you think she might be there?”

“I don’t know, Nick, but she obviously spent a lot of time in the city.”

“It certainly looks that way.”

“Also…” Charlie took Nick’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “Was Sami… not straight?”

“What makes you say that?”

“The Umbrellas are lit in rainbow colours, the bear is wearing a Thess Pride t-shirt, the pear and pomegranate are Sapphic symbols.”

Nick leaned forward to look at the pictures.

“She was the first woman I was with after I came out, who was unfazed by my bisexuality,” Nick realised. “I don’t think I ever asked her what her sexuality was and she didn’t correct any assumptions I made.”

“A lot of people in the closet do that, love.”

Nick sat back in his chair and cradled his coffee cup.

“I think she’s in Thessaloniki,” Nick said, all the strands in his mind coming together. “I can feel it in my bones.”

“What do you want to do next, sweetheart?”

“Absolutely nothing.”

“Huh?”

“I want to focus on us, Char, like we talked about yesterday,” he said. “I’ll pass all this info on to the lawyers and we’ll see where it takes us.”

Charlie draped an arm behind Nick’s shoulders and kissed his bicep three times.

“Okay, love.”

There was movement upstairs along with murmuring and giggling.

“I think Tara and Darcy are done,” Nick said, looking up at the ceiling. “Could we speak to Darcy about the media stuff today? I’d feel better if we had a plan before we head up to Leeds.”

“Of course, love.”

Nick grinned and pressed his lips to Charlie’s.

--

The journey from Kent to Leeds had been wet, miserable and slow, but at eight o’clock that evening, Charlie pulled his car into Nick’s driveway in Leeds. Nick had slept for a lot of the journey; he usually fell asleep if he wasn’t driving. They had stopped twice, both times at off-motorway places where they would be less likely to get photographed, going into the services separately.

“Are you going to come in for a while?” Nick asked Charlie, stroking his fingers up Charlie’s arm. “It’s been a very long drive, Char.”

“I probably should go on to Kilnsey straight away,” Charlie murmured. “If my car’s in your driveway for too long, it might get photographed.”

“We could swap it for mine in the garage,” Nick suggested, inhaling Charlie’s aroma which had filled the car. The heady hit of Charlie-scented oxygen made him dizzy and hot. “I’m not ready to be apart from you.”

Charlie leaned over, squeezed Nick’s bicep then tilted his head to rest it against Nick’s shoulder.

“We didn’t get as many opportunities to be alone as I was hoping for, did we?”

“Between our family and friends, it was pretty hectic,” Nick agreed. “I kind of wish I’d taken the opportunity this morning to shatter you to pieces.”

“’Shatter to pieces,’ eh?”

“Yeah,” Nick growled softly. “Is that okay?”

“Yes, fuck, yes,” Charlie agreed. “The Nick-shaped hole in my prostate needs a top-up.”

“What time do you need to be on site tomorrow?” Nick asked, caressing the soft, downy, baby hairs above Charlie’s ear.

“I can get away with ten, I think. If I leave when you head off to work, that would be fine.”

They swapped the cars around, and went inside via the garage. The house was freezing with Nick being away for the week, so they huddled up under a blanket on the sofa with hot chocolate until they felt warm enough to head up to the bedroom.

“I’m so cosy right now,” Charlie whispered, tucked under Nick’s arm. “I might fall asleep before you get to shatter me.”

Nick shifted under Charlie so he was lying down with Charlie on top, then tucked the blanket around them. Charlie buried his face in Nick’s chest.

“Shall we attempt going upstairs?” Nick suggested. “The central heating should have kicked in by now.”

“Yeah,” Charlie replied, “in a minute.”

Nick pressed his lips to the top of Charlie’s head, and felt a small buzz through his bones, as Charlie slipped his hand down Nick’s side to rest on the top of his thigh.

“What are you doing?” Nick whispered, as Charlie started to smooth his other hand in small circles over Nick’s pec.

“Enjoying my fit boyfriend’s fit body,” Charlie replied, looking up and grinning before wriggling up slightly for a kiss. “I mean, have you seen yourself, love?” Charlie’s lower hand moved a couple of inches towards Nick’s groin, and then he dipped it under Nick’s top.

“Oof, your hands are cold.”

“But you’ll warm me up, won’t you, Nicholas?” Charlie purred, stroking his cool fingertips over Nick’s belly button.

“Fuck, you’re such a minx, baby,” Nick said, running his hand down Charlie’s back until he was cupping Charlie’s pert, firm arse.

Charlie giggled softly. “Upstairs now?” His voice had a satisfying touch of pleading whine to it.

“Yep.” Nick sat up and Charlie swept his legs around Nick’s waist, then wrapped his arms around his neck. “Hmm, come on, little koala.”

Nick stood up with a quiet “Oof,” and held Charlie tight under his slim thighs.

“Nick,” Charlie began, burying his face in the crook of Nick’s neck, “can you still rim me? I want to feel your mouth.”

Nick’s cock reacted instantly, pressing against his jeans as he took them upstairs. “Oh yes, my love,” Nick told him, as they ascended the stairs. “I can’t wait to be engulfed by your skin, scent and taste.”

“Oh God,” Charlie practically squealed. “It’s so hot when you say things like that.”

“You feel like velvet on my tongue when I get the honour,” Nick continued, turning at the top of the stairs to take Charlie to the bedroom. “And when it’s coupled with getting you ready for my cock, well, it’s heaven.”

“Oh, fuck, I want you so much, right now,” breathed Charlie. “Get me on that bed, sweetheart.”

Nick practically threw Charlie down and crouched at the end of the bed to pull off Charlie’s socks, then his jeans, before pulling off his own sweatshirt and t-shirt in one go. While Charlie was taking off his jumper and t-shirt, Nick reached into the bedside table drawer for supplies.

“Not gonna get distracted by the wet wipes this time,” Nick murmured.

“No?” Charlie palmed his groin through the thin material of his boxer-briefs and Nick felt his eyes widen as he saw his boyfriend’s cock grow hard in front of him. “Are you going to get distracted by this though?”

“Nope, he’ll be sorted out later,” Nick growled, although the thought of playing with Charlie’s cock sent a new thrill through him. “Now turn over.”

“Kiss first.” Charlie pursed his lips together, and Nick crawled over him to oblige. Charlie breathed in as Nick hovered, making a tiny click with his tongue as Nick captured his mouth. “Hee-hee, you taste so sweet and creamy from the hot chocolate.”

“So do you,” Nick murmured. “And how are you going to taste…” Nick scooped his hands under Charlie’s bum and squeezed. “…Here? Sweet?”

“Nick…”

“Creamy?”

“Oh my God..”

“Chocolatey?”

“Fucking hell…”

“Last time you tasted like strawberry ice cream, baby. Delicious.”

Charlie flicked his tongue against Nick’s mouth one more time, before shimmying out from under Nick, and turning onto his front. Nick swiftly removed Charlie’s boxers and nudged his legs apart. Charlie’s sweet, peach-pink rosebud was waiting for him. He cleaned the area with the wipes, and Charlie moaned at the touch.

“I’m so hard now,” Charlie panted. “Please love.”

Nick kissed his way down Charlie’s spine, before leaving soft, wet, sloppy kisses across Charlie’s derriere. Then he licked the top of Charlie’s cleft, before delving lower. Charlie’s sweet scent, heady with fruit and musk, enveloped him as he tongued his hole.

Charlie was squirming under him, pressing his arse against Nick’s face, so Nick lifted him onto his knees and held him by his hips, so he could steadily swipe his tongue over and in Charlie’s opening. It had surprised him how much he loved this incredible intimacy. Charlie had done it to him with no expectation of reciprocity, but Nick had loved it so much that he didn’t hesitate to return the favour, and now it was one of his favourite sex acts.

“Oh God, I think I’m close, love. Your mouth is so bloody talented… ahh.”

Nick pulled back a little and nuzzled his nose into Charlie’s left cheek. He was very turned on himself, precum dripping on the dark blue sheets. He looked up. Charlie was looking back at him, curls plastered to his forehead, eyes deep blue pools of wonder, his full mouth parted slightly.

“You have never looked more beautiful, Charlie Spring,” Nick murmured, reaching over to brush Charlie’s sweaty hair away from his face. “I love you and I can’t wait to live with you properly.”

Charlie exhaled and blinked a few times, then kissed Nick’s palm.

“I love you too, my sweetheart,” Charlie replied. “Now fuck me, please.”

“What my baby wants…” Nick rocked back onto his heels, reached for the condom, then rolled it on. “I wish you could see how beautifully open you are, all ready for me.”

“That’s because you have a magical, and very long, tongue!” Charlie giggled, then wiggled his arse at Nick. Nick giggled back as he rubbed lube on Charlie’s entrance and his covered cock. Charlie’s eyes grew even bigger as Nick lined himself up. “And an even longer… oh!”

Nick pushed in, letting Charlie adjust to his ample size, before sliding in deeper.

“God, Charlie, you’re so fucking tight!” Nick roared as he bottomed out, into the close heat. “However hard I fuck you, you just spring back! Ha, Spring!”

“Spring jokes while you’re eight inches deep, Nelson?” Charlie panted, tilting his head back. “Really?” Nick pulled out and thrusted in fast and hard, causing Charlie to gasp. “Oh, fuck! Nick!”

“Closer to nine actually,” Nick replied, leaning forward to kiss between Charlie’s shoulder-blades. “And every single one of them belongs to you.”

“Want to see you, Nick,” Charlie moaned. “Me and my mere seven inches.”

“Seven inches of perfection,” Nick replied. He held his cock at its base to secure the condom, and then pulled out. “Turn over baby.” Charlie turned over. He looked even more wrecked, and even more gorgeous. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Charlie mumbled, “just so close.” His eyes drifted to his dark, slightly curved cock, the glans glistening pink. “Come back inside me.”

Nick grabbed a pillow and slipped it under Charlie’s narrow hips, before pushing his legs up and parting them. Then he slid back inside Charlie again, and leaned forward so he could bury his face in Charlie’s neck.

“If my tongue hadn’t just been in your arse just now, I would be snogging you senseless right now,” he murmured.

“You’re fucking me senseless, that’s plenty,” Charlie whispered, playing with the short hair at the back of Nick’s head. “I’m so close, love.”

“Me too,” Nick replied, slipping a hand between them to take hold of Charlie’s cock, but found his hand slapped away.

“Too close,” Charlie said. “I want to come from your cock alone.”

“The Nick-shaped hole in your prostate?”

“A permanent tattoo, my sweetheart,” Charlie replied. “We’re talking rubbish again, aren’t we?”

“I love our rubbish sex talk,” Nick said, trying to thrust at the same time. Charlie chuckled, then curled his legs around Nick and held him tighter.

“Me too, now let’s go love. Two orgasms. Right now.”

Nick did as he was told, speeding up his thrusting, peppering Charlie’s neck with kisses as Charlie let his hands roam over Nick’s back, squeezing his hips and bum cheeks.

“Oh God, oh God, Char… I’m gonna come—”

“Nick, Nick, Nick… I’m there, I’m there!”

Nick felt Charlie’s release between them, so closely wound together were they, and that tipped his own so he exploded within Charlie’s walls.

--

“Are you sure you’re not too sore, love?” Nick checked, after their shower. He wrapped a big towel over Charlie’s head and shoulders, rubbed his curls with it, before rubbing his slim arms and back.

“Just the right kind of sore,” Charlie murmured. “I feel like liquid everywhere else.” Charlie took the ends of the towel, and stepped into Nick, then wrapped it around both of them. “You okay? You went pretty hard there.”

“My knees are twinging a little, to be honest,” he admitted. “Getting old sucks!”

“My poor love,” Charlie replied. “Do you have any ibuprofen gel? You don’t want to have swollen knees if you’ve got to run after four classes tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I think there’s some in my rugby kit bag,” Nick said. They stepped out of the bathroom, into the bedroom, to be greeted by a chill. “Oh shit, the central heating timed out.”

“No shit,” Charlie agreed. “How did it get so cold so fast?”

“This house has a crap boiler system. Either freezing or boiling, never in between. Another reason to move.” He threw Charlie one of his sweatshirts and a pair of slim-fit joggers from the wardrobe, then grabbed a set for himself.

“Do you have any extra blankets up here? I might need them if it doesn’t get warmer.”

“Yes, top floor in the spare room cupboard. I’ll go get them.”

“Why don’t you get the ibuprofen gel, love, and I’ll nip up and find the blankets in a sec?”

“Deal.” Nick pecked Charlie’s mouth. “Want a cuppa too?”

“Yes please!” Charlie grinned. “Tea.”

Nick took the stairs slowly as his knees were really quite sore, found the gel in his kit bag and picked up the pile of post that was on the doormat. While he was waiting for the kettle to boil for the tea, he heard Charlie head up to the top floor.

“Did you find the blankets, Char?” Nick called as he ascended the stairs.

“Yeah!”

Nick turned into the bedroom and set the mugs down on his bedside table, before taking the post which was tucked under his arm, and popping it on the bed. Charlie was under the duvet, with a thick, pink, knitted blanket over the top of his head.

“You look so snug like that!” Nick exclaimed. “So cute.”

“Haha, I look like a dork,” Charlie retorted. “And guess what, you get this dorkiness every night.”

Nick leaned over to kiss Charlie on the forehead. “I know. Lucky me.” He rolled up his joggers to apply the ibuprofen gel. “And lucky you, you get to see this sexiness every night.”

“Lucky, lucky me,” Charlie murmured.

“You okay?” Nick asked as he climbed into bed.

“Yeah,” Charlie replied. “Just cold and in desperate need of that tea.” He sat up and inched closer to Nick, pulling the pink blanket over his shoulders. Nick passed him one of the cuppas. “You got some post?”

Nick nodded. 

“I hardly ever get mail but it’s about time for Christmas catalogues and offers.” He picked up the post and spread the envelopes and cards across their laps.

“Most of it seems like junk, love,” Charlie said. He picked up a flyer for a furniture store. “See?”

“Yeah,” Nick agreed. “I never get anything interesting.”

He started to throw the flyer in the bin, when he felt a thicker card inside. He opened it up. It was a postcard, depicting the now familiar images of Thessaloniki – the White Tower, the Umbrellas, the Alexander the Great statue and the Nea Paralia waterfront walkway.

“Charlie, look!” He passed the card to him. “It’s dated the same day as her mum’s birthday,” Nick realised when he turned it over.

“That’s got to be significant.”

31 st Octobre 2023

Cher Nick, je suis vraiment désolé d'avoir disparu. (Dear Nick, I’m really sorry I disappeared.)

Je sais que nous devons divorcer mais je ne peux pas revenir en Angleterre. (I know we need to divorce but I can’t return to England.)

Je ne peux tout simplement pas. (I just can’t.)

Voici mon adresse ici à Thessalonique. (Here’s my address in Thessaloniki.)

Si tu viens me voir, je serai là. (If you come to see me, I’ll be there.)

Sami

“Oh my God, Char, look!”

Nick pointed at the bottom of the card. Underneath the signature was an address and a telephone number.

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Eleven: November, all over the place

Charlie’s kitchen, Sheldwich, Kent

Sunday 5th November 2023

“Right, there’s two ways we can go about this,” said Darcy, gesturing with their hands around Tara, who was sitting on their lap, devouring a maple and pecan pastry. “The bomb, or the drip.”

“Explain please,” asked Charlie. He held his hand out on the table, and a second later, Nick held it, rubbing his thumb over Charlie’s knuckles.

“You could just come out as a couple. Do an interview in Hello! Or OK! Magazine, put it on your socials, go out in places where you’re sure to get papped. The media interest would be intense for a few weeks but then it would die down.”

Nick gripped Charlie’s hand tighter, his palm becoming sweaty.

“What’s the alternative?” he asked. “The ‘drip.’”

“You start to build your associations more publicly, so that by the time there is a leaked photo of the two of you, the public aren’t hugely interested because they saw it coming.”

“Wouldn’t drip-feeding them info make them more likely to jump on a photo of Nick and Charlie?” asked Tao, who was half-reclining against Elle’s shoulder, her fingers idly playing with his black, silky hair.

“It depends on how you do it,” chipped in Sahar. “You want to create a bit of speculation, but not too much. Things like spending time with each other’s friends, or being seen in places the other might go.”

“If we control the flow of information, monitor the public response to it, that can guide how we play this.”

“I have an idea,” said Elle. “I’m hosting an art show in Manchester in a couple of weeks. Nick could come for that. It’s known that Charlie and I are friends.”

“What about Charlie associating with Nick’s people?” Isaac asked. “Nick isn’t famous so Charlie being spotted with Nick’s friends might not make an impact, at least initially.”

As the rest of the gang chatted back and forth about strategies, Charlie turned to Nick, who was still gripping his hand, staring at the floor.

“What do you want, my love?” Charlie whispered in Nick’s ear, stroking his thumb over the shell. Nick leaned into Charlie’s palm.

“I just want to live our lives, Char. I want to be able to visit your work and meet your colleagues. I want us to hang out with Priya and Jen or my rugby pals. I want you to watch my matches, wearing a jersey with ‘Nelson’ on the back. I want to go for walks with you in public. I want to go to the supermarket together. It sounds basic, doesn’t it?”

“It sounds amazing, love,” Charlie insisted. “I want all those things. We’re going to do all those things.”

--

Nick’s house, Meanwood, Leeds

Monday 6th November

“Nope,” Nick agreed. “That batter is as dead as a dodo.” He stepped out of Charlie’s dark green Mini Countryman.

“Oh crap,” Charlie said. “Everyone’s expecting me on site this morning. We’ve got loads to do and...”

“Char, Char, don’t spiral, love,” Nick said, pulling him into his arms and kissing the top of his head. “The battery is fixable. You just left the lights on overnight. I’ve got jump cables.”

“You know what to do with those?” Charlie looked up at him and Nick nodded. “You’re amazing.” He ran both his hands up Nick’s biceps and squeezed.

“It’ll take a few minutes,” Nick murmured. “I’ve got to open the garage door and the bonnets of both cars, get the jump leads, attach them to both cars–”

Charlie silenced him with a deep kiss, and Nick couldn’t help but react, opening his mouth to welcome Charlie’s tongue, letting himself be nudged against the garage wall.

“You’re so hot when you talk about car stuff,” Charlie moaned into his mouth. “I really want to drop to my knees right now, but we don’t have time.”

“Later, love. We have woefully underused that hot tub in Kilnsey,” Nick replied. “Maybe we could spend some time there tonight?”

“Sounds like a plan!”

Nick dropped a kiss on Charlie’s cheek, then opened the garage door. He popped the bonnet of Charlie’s car, then headed outside to do the same for his Qashqai. He was just attaching jump leads when he spotted one of his neighbours, Geraint.

“All right there, Nick?” the old Welshman asked. “Spot of car trouble, is it?” Geraint glanced into the garage, and spotted Charlie. He did a double take, then looked at Nick, then glanced at Charlie again.

“Uh, yeah. My, uh...” Nick didn’t know what to say. “The Mini needs a jump.”

Charlie tentatively waved at the old man.

“Hope that works!” Geraint replied. “Off for my morning walk and then to Waitrose café, I am. Meeting my lady-friend Mabel for a coffee and a natter.”

“Have a good day, Geraint,” Nick replied. When he was out of sight, Nick headed back into the garage.

“I think he realised who I am,” Charlie murmured, wrapping an arm around Nick’s waist. “He did a double take.”

“I guess that’s our ‘coming out plan’ well and truly started,” Nick agreed. “Right, let’s get your car going.”

--

Study UOY-UKC-AA-MRS274319: Excavation Site 1, BD23 5XX, North Yorkshire

Thursday 9th November

“Gather round, guys,” Charlie called to the motley group of archaeology and anthropology students who were finishing their lunch break.

Charlie waited until he had the students’ attention, then held up a small olla , the reddish tint to the earthenware pot almost certainly dating it to the late Roman era.

“What is it?” asked one of the first-year undergrads.

“Ahh, well I’d like you all to come up, one by one, and inspect it. Let me know what you think it is and an approximate date of origin. If you feel brave, you could also venture a theory as to its significance for our study...”

Andy Newbery sat back in his camp-chair under the gazebo, cradling his mug of tea, watching Charlie with the students. The man was a natural teacher and leader. Andy had been expecting some diva-ish behaviour because of how famous Charlie was, but he turned out to be humble and quiet, a bit of an introvert.

He had heard rumours that Charlie might be leaving Canterbury for York; the department was certainly keen to have him. Andy suspected that was because of Charlie’s visibility rather than his skills, but whatever the reason, he would be overjoyed if Charlie became his colleague permanently. His hopes were raised when he was on campus yesterday, as he had seen Charlie having coffee with the Faculty Head.

He and Charlie had slowly become friends, going to the pub after work once or twice during the working week, going for the odd walk at lunchtime. However, when Andy had invited Charlie for Sunday dinner with his family, Charlie politely declined, saying that he had fixed plans at weekends which he couldn’t change.

“Excuse me, Professor Newbery?” Andy looked up to see a short, pretty Indian lady, dressed in waterproof trousers, hiking boots and a North Face bomber, next to a tall, willowy blonde, dressed similarly. He stood up immediately and ran a hand through his short, silver-grey hair.

“Uh, hi, yes, that’s me,” he replied. “How can I help?”

“I’m Priya Singh, this is my wife, Jen,” she said in a London accent. “I coach the rugby team that helped with the dig earlier in the year.”

“Oh, yes, hello!” Andy shook their hands with vigour. “Thank you so much for your help. Charlie said you might be coming today. You and those kids saved our bacon, honestly. We’d never be as far along in the excavation otherwise.”

“Ahh, that’s lovely to hear,” replied Priya with a warm, wide smile.

“Yeah, Charlie invited us when he found out that Priya’s school is going to York for the afternoon. Winter school trip,” explained Jen. “Or should that be ‘Ebor,’ given that this is a Roman site?”

Andy laughed. These two were a delight.

“Great stuff! Well, Charlie’s just finishing an impromptu teaching session, but he’ll be over in a few minutes. Would you like a cuppa?”

“Yes please,” said Priya. “Tea, milk, no sugar.”

“Same, please,” Jen replied.

“You know, this is probably the last week or two of digging before February or March next year,” Andy told them as he made Priya’s tea. “You just managed to get a visit in before we close for the winter.”

“Yeah, Charlie mentioned that. They say that early December’s going to be icy-cold and snowy,” Priya replied.

“Will that mess up your rugby season?” asked Andy.

“Nah, my teams play in all weathers, unless the pitch is too slippery. Then they do drills in the gym.”

“Priya likes to instil discipline and routine into her students,” Jen explained. “I do the same with my clients.” When Andy looked at her, she added, “I’m a tennis coach and PT at the Skipton Tennis Club.”

“Good stuff,” Andy replied, wondering if tennis was something he should take up.

“Hey!” called Charlie, jogging over from the other side of the dig. “You made it!”

He hugged the two women warmly.

“Wouldn’t miss it!” Priya replied.

“And I see that Andy’s setting you up with tea,” Charlie observed, flicking the kettle on. “Thanks, mate.”

“No problem,” Andy replied. “Are you all good friends, then? You seem like you know each other pretty well.”

Priya and Jen gave each other a small sideways glance before turning to Andy and giving him utterly charming smiles.

“Well, we’re really good friends with Nick, so we’ve been getting to know Charlie better through him.”

“Nick?”

“Nick’s my boyfriend,” Charlie explained, not looking up from the tea he was making. “He’s a rugby coach in Leeds.”

Something rang a bell in Andy’s head. All the stuff in the paper about Charlie two or three months ago.

“I used to teach Nick when he was a teenager, at the Manchester Rugby College, many years ago, and we kept in touch,” Priya explained. “He even did a little reading at our wedding, didn’t he, love?”

“Yep,” Jen replied. “He’s well annoyed that he’s not going to make it onsite before it closes for winter.”

“I’ve promised him that he can visit when we open up again. I’m hoping the dates line up with the February half-term.”

“Charlie, is Nick the guy?” Andy asked. “The ‘one who got away’ guy who was named in the papers?”

Charlie looked up, glowing.

“Yes, he is,” he replied. “You know, he’s meeting me, Priya and Jen in the pub in Kilnsey later, after work. Would you like to join us?”

--

WAO Artist Management Group, Central London office

Wednesday 15th November, 1.45pm

Sahar swept her hair over her shoulders for the fourth time; Charlie’s publishers were being a pain in the arse.

“Look, why is it such a hard concept to grasp?” she muttered at Kyle. “He’s interested in doing the book but he will not travel within term-time and he’s working on research which is going to take up the rest of this academic year.”

“But...”

“If you want Dr Charlie Spring to do this book, then it will not be ready for submission before March 2025,” Sahar reiterated.

“Well then maybe we should take the offer to another writer,” Kyle countered, and Sahar wanted to climb through the screen to throttle him. “You can’t deny it would be a great series.”

“I don’t deny it. Charlie doesn’t either, so if you’ve got another archaeologist and anthropologist in mind with as much recognition and reach, have at it,” Sahar replied. “After all, Charlie’s fulfilled all his publishing commitments to you. You’re free to seek other authors, and Charlie is free to seek out deals with other publishers. He’s got a lot of ideas.”

“Does his new timetable have anything to do with the rumours he’s getting together with ‘the one that got away’ guy?” he said. “I saw something on social media.”

“Well, the ‘Springwatch’ fandom is having a field day at the moment, ‘shipping’ them, but social media isn’t a reliable source, Kyle,” Sahar replied, trying to keep her voice even. “Charlie’s new timetable is Charlie’s business.”

Sahar’s mobile phone started to ring on the desk.

Tilly

“I’m afraid I’ve got to go, Kyle. Email me with either a formal offer or a formal withdrawal by the end of the week, okay?”

She ended the Zoom before he could reply.

“Hey.”

“ Hello, you.” The sweet, cheeky voice on the other end instantly flooded Sahar with warmth. “ How are you?”

“ All right,” Sahar replied. “Just working. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be?”

“ Half day today,” she replied. “I was just walking home and thinking about you so I thought I’d call for a minute. Tell me to fuck off when you need to get back to work.”

"I never would,” Sahar murmured. “When do you think we might get together again?”

“I don’t suppose you’re heading this way?”

“Nope. Are you coming back down south anytime soon?”

“I didn’t have any plans ,” she replied, pausing, “but I could... if you wanted me to.”

“Of course I do,” Sahar cried, before lowering her voice. Although she had her own office, the walls were pretty thin. “I’d love to see you again. Just us.”

“That would be really nice.” Tilly’s voice was softer now, the cheeky lilt gone. “I want to get to know you better. See if this spark we have could be more.”

Sahar rested her head back and sighed.

“Are you sure it doesn’t weird you out that I’m older?”

“Eight years older… it’s not like you’re my mum’s age, Sahar,” she retorted. “Seriously, I don’t care if you don’t.”

“I don’t, angel.”

“Hmm, good.”

“When can you come?”

“Not this weekend, because I’m helping Nick move into Charlie’s, but the weekend after? I could come down Friday night and go back Sunday?”

“Perfect, I don’t have anything going on that I can’t cancel, unless one of my errant clients gets into trouble.”

“Well it won’t be Charlie. Those two are cleaning and painting Nick’s house that weekend, to get it ready to rent. Nick’s roped my brother and his girlfriend in to help, so I’m off the hook.”

“Great, it’s a date.”

“It’s a date,” she repeated. “I’d better go. I’m going to try to catch this amazing yoga class I almost never get to take because of work.”

“Enjoy!”

“Bye, Sahar.”

“Bye, Tilly.”

--

Yoga Hero Yoga and Pilates Studio, Leeds Dock

Wednesday 15th November, 4.05pm

After dawdling while on the phone to Sahar, Tilly had to rush to get home, change into a yoga-appropriate outfit, and dash across Leeds Dock again to make it into the class. It was worth it though; the ninety-minute Power Vinyasa flow had made her sweat but she felt nicely limber.

Just as she was leaving, she spotted a familiar figure walking across the bridge from the city centre.

“Sophie!” she called out to her old neighbour. “Soph!”

Sophie looked up, froze for a moment, but then smiled at Tilly and gave her a little wave.

“Hi Tilly,” she said when she got closer. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, this whole job thing is really bad for my yoga schedule,” Tilly replied. “But I had a half-day today so I managed to get into Lynette’s class. Thought I might see you and Leah there.”

Sophie looked down and away, and it was only then that Tilly noticed that her usually glossy, chestnut hair was lank, and there were dark circles under her eyes.

“Uh, speaking of work, I’ve gone up to full-time now, so I don’t have as much time. I got made Head of Purchasing.”

“Sounds cool,” Tilly murmured. “And how’s the new house? I say ‘new’ but it must be like, over a year since you moved? Tom and I miss going for drinks with you two. I know we had that coffee around Easter when we saw you out shopping, but that was ages ago.”

Sophie opened her mouth to speak but then her eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry,” she cried. “I told myself I wasn’t going to do this anymore.”

“Jesus Christ, Sophie, what happened?”

“I moved out. I’m living here at Leeds Dock again,” she explained. “Leah and I are splitting up.”

“Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Tilly replied, placing a hand on Sophie’s wool coat. “You guys seemed so close, and were so excited about the new place.”

“We were,” Sophie huffed. “But we unravelled like a big fucking ball of string. First it started with Leah becoming distant while we were in the process of moving in. She didn’t want to touch me, and it was like everything I did annoyed her.”

“That’s awful—”

“I thought it was because moving was so stressful, but it got worse afterwards. And I was feeling so down that I did something stupid.”

“What, Soph?” Tilly asked warily.

“I h-had an affair,” she wailed. “I fell hook, line and sinker for someone else, who promptly ditched me and left the country. Leah found out, and, well, you can imagine the shit-show.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Sophie,” Tilly said. “Did you ever find out why Leah was being distant?”

Sophie shook her head.

“She never gave me a straight answer,” Sophie replied sadly, “even when we tried couples counselling over the summer. We finally gave up last month. She’s buying me out of the house, so she’s working full time now too.”

“Hopefully the divorce will be relatively straightforward,” Tilly replied. “What about yoga? Will you bump into each other here?”

“No, she’s only going to classes at Yoga Space in Meanwood, as it’s closer to the house. I got to keep Yoga Hero.”

“That’s something, I guess.” Tilly started to shiver in the cold, November air. “Look, when you’re up for it, give me or Tom a call. We can go for a coffee or drinks or something.”

“That’s so kind,” Sophie replied, sniffing slightly. “Better than I deserve.”

“Hey,” Tilly replied. “You made mistakes, but you didn’t stop being my friend.”

“Thanks Tilly,” Sophie said, smiling, although it was a bit forced. “God, here I am jabbering about myself and I didn’t even ask how you are?”

“I’m good,” Tilly replied. “Sadly Tom still refuses to turn into a girl for me, and I refuse to turn into a boy for him, but we’re doing good as flatmates.”

Sophie laughed.

“Good to know.”

“I did meet someone recently who’s gorgeous, clever and who I think can keep up with me. She lives in London but I think it’s got potential.”

“I’m so happy for you,” Sophie said. She gave Tilly a quick hug. “I’ll text you when I’m doing a bit better, okay?”

“Okay, take care of yourself, Sophie.”

“You too, Tilly.”

--

North Leeds RUFC (Badgers) vs Wetherby RUFC at Adel Ground, North Leeds

Friday 24th November

“Thank you so much for coming with me to this,” Charlie said as he jumped up and down on the spot. How had it gotten so cold so fast? “Sorry we didn’t mention it when we invited you down.”

“No problem, Charlie,” said Leo, adjusting his woollen hat so it covered his ears. “Watching Nick play rugby is always fun.”

Charlie looked over to the pitch, where Nick and his team, The North Leeds Badgers, were warming up. Charlie couldn’t help but appreciate Nick’s broad form in his black, white, yellow and blue rugby kit.

“It’s been a while since I’ve done it, to be honest. Not since school.”

“Leo says Nick’s the best, like,” said Asma, snuggling into Leo’s side. “Top try-scorer, top converter…”

“Well, I am biased,” Leo replied.

“So am I!” said Charlie. They all laughed.

“How has it been, living together full time?” Asma asked.

“Well it’s only really been a week. The week after half-term was loads of back and forth as Nick kept forgetting things he needed. But it’s been great.”

“Nick was saying that he got to meet your work colleague. He was well pleased about that,” Leo said. “He mentioned something about Sunday dinner?”

“Oh, yes, we’re going to Sunday dinner at Andy’s house next weekend. Nick’s going to make his apple crumble for pudding.”

“Ach, that’s amazing,” said Asma. “How do yous feel about meeting Nick’s rugby pals tonight?”

“Nervous as hell,” Charlie admitted. “He’s not told them we’re together yet; they think the reason he’s moving is to downsize after the divorce.”

“It’ll be fine Charlie,” Leo told him, patting him on the shoulder. “I’ve met them several times. Top blokes. Danny and James are former semi-pro players and a couple. Sai and Christian are Nick’s old flatmates from uni, and Otis was his friend at Manchester, then they met up again when they joined this club.”

Just then there was the sound of a whistle. Nick glanced up at Charlie in the stand, threw an arm into the air, then he made a fist and let it go. Charlie clenched his fist to his chest. Nick grinned and then ran towards his team.

“Oh my God, yous two are ridiculous,” Asma laughed. “I love it.”

“Does it bother you that we’re not that cutesy, angel?” Leo asked her.

“Noo,” she replied. “I love us, just the way we are.”

“I love you,” Leo murmured.

Even in the cold and the dark, Charlie could see Asma blush and blink.

“I love you too, Bibi,” she whispered back. 

Charlie looked away to give them a private moment, and focussed on the match. Soon all three of them were fully engrossed in the plays, yelling whenever Nick or the other Badgers had the ball.

At half-time, it was an evenly matched 21-20. Leo went to get the three of them cups of tea from the clubhouse, known as The Sett, while Charlie and Asma huddled together, trying to keep warm.

“So, that was the first time you guys said ‘I love you?’” Charlie asked softly.

“Yeah,” Asma replied, grinning. “It’s probably too soon, isn’t it?”

“Not if that’s how you feel.”

“I’ve never been in a relationship before, so I have no benchmark, like,” she said. “But I love him.” She giggled. “I am so bloody in love with him.”

“The feeling is clearly mutual,” Charlie replied. “He can’t take his eyes off you.”

“Yee!” she squeaked, looking in the direction of The Sett; Leo was making his way back with three mugs of tea on a tray. “He makes me so happy.”

The rest of the match was tightly fought, but just at the end, Nick set up one of the other players for a spectacular drop-goal and the Badgers took the match 44-41. Charlie’s voice was hoarse from all the screaming, his knees, ankles and feet sore from jumping up and down.

“What’s the plan for meeting Nick and the guys?” Leo asked, as people started filing towards The Sett. “I take it we’re not going in for the third half?”

“No.” Charlie shook his head. “We’re going to meet at Nick’s house in an hour. He gave me his keys. He’s going to text me when he leaves and we can order pizza.”

“Do you think you were spotted?” asked Asma. “We sat right at the back, but there were a hundred people here, like.”

“Maybe,” Charlie replied. “But we’ve been building up to this since we got back from Kent. Being seen in each other’s spaces, meeting each other’s friends… It's all part of the plan. Nick and I are very solid now, so I don’t care as much about being seen. But it’s got to go at Nick’s pace.”

“Speaking of Nick…” Leo pointed out at the field where Nick was chatting to a small group of fellow Badgers. The rest of the team had already gone into The Sett. Charlie recognised them as Nick’s friends from the photos he’d been shown. “He’s talking to them but he keeps gesturing in this direction.”

Suddenly, his friends were jumping up and down and hugging Nick, clapping him on the back and hollering. Charlie just made out one of them say, “Good on ya, mate!”

Nick turned towards Charlie, Leo and Asma, with a huge, beaming smile on his face and waved.

“CHAR!” Nick yelled and waved at them to come onto the pitch. “COME OVER!”

“I think Nicky might have changed the plan,” Asma murmured.

“Yeah.” Charlie couldn’t help the smile that took over his face. He ran down to the pitch, followed by Leo and Asma. 

“Hey, you were amazing out there,” Charlie began as he approached. “All of you– oof!”

Nick lifted Charlie off his feet and buried his face in Charlie’s neck.

“I’m getting mud all over you, but I don’t care,” he said, his voice muffled as he spoke into Charlie’s skin. “I just told the lads and they’re ecstatic for us.”

“I don’t care about the mud, love,” Charlie whispered. “I’m just so happy to be here. Are you sure you want to be doing this so publicly though?”

Nick lowered Charlie to the ground and kissed the top of his head.

“I don’t care anymore, Char. Now all the people in my life who are important know about us. We’re living together, the divorce is going ahead. My life is perfect now and no paparazzi or stupid media articles can ruin it.”

“I love you so much, Nicholas Nelson.”

“I love you too.” Nick cupped Charlie’s face with both hands and gave him a short, sweet kiss. “Now, come meet the lads.”

--

Nia and Popi Bouras-Mitsotakis's apartment, Thessaloniki, Greece

Tuesday 28th November

The stiff, thick, white envelope arrived from England on 28th November.

It was exactly four weeks after Sami Thibault had sent her estranged husband Nicholas a postcard, the first contact they had had in over seven months. She knew what the letter was without opening it; the embossed name of the fancy legal firm on the envelope gave it away.

She sat on the balcony for over an hour.  Her eyes moved between the unopened missive, the undulating waters of the Thermaikos Gulf, and the people going about their daily business along the Nea Paralia promenade.

“You still haven’t opened it,” observed Nia, coming out onto the balcony with two cups of coffee.

“No,” Sami mumbled, as Nia slid into the rattan chair next to her. “What time did Popi leave for Athens? I didn’t hear her go.”

“About five,” Nia replied, smiling as she thought of her petite, raven-haired partner, her best friend since age seven, her lover since age sixteen. “Her marketing meeting got moved to 11am.”

“Poor thing,” Sami replied. “I know, I’ll make her a chicken and lemon tagine for when she returns…”

“You’re avoiding this letter.”

“Yes,” Sami admitted. “Part of me wants to throw it in the sea.”

Nia leaned over and kissed her temple, her long, thick, bleach-blonde hair tickling Sami’s neck.

“Tell me about that,” she murmured.

“It means admitting all my mistakes,” Sami replied, reaching for one of the coffee cups. “I know it’s symbolic because Nicholas and I have already filed the divorce paperwork online, but opening those papers means admitting that I married Nicholas for the wrong reasons, that I’ve not been true to myself my whole life.”

“One could say that you need to admit those things to yourself and others in order to live the life that you want.”

Sami flipped her waist-length, dark wavy hair over her shoulder and turned in her chair to face Nia.

“And this is why you are the most sought-after psychotherapist in the whole of Thessaloniki!”

“Samira,” Nia replied, her expression unmoved, “you’re deflecting.”

“I know.”

“What else do you know?”

“That I’ve run away for long enough, that I need to face up to the people I’ve hurt and be honest about the things I want in life.”

“Which are?”

Sami sighed. Even though she had worked on this for months with Dr Zorana, the therapist Nia had found for her, the words were hard to say.

“Travel, no children, non-monogamy, women.”

“If you put aside the association with past mistakes, what does this letter represent?”

Sami put down her coffee, picked up the envelope and turned it around in her hands.

“Acknowledgement of the time Nicholas and I had together, and freedom to move on.”

“In which case, why wouldn’t you open it, and take that step forward?”

Sami took a deep breath and slipped a red, manicured nail under the seal of the envelope. As expected, it was her copy of the divorce papers, accompanied by two letters. One was from the lawyers but the other was handwritten on plain, cream-coloured paper, with familiar blocky, neat writing in blue fountain pen.

Cher Sami,

Merci pour…

“What does it say?” asked Nia.

“’Dear Sami, thank you for proceeding with the divorce so quickly after we spoke. We now have to wait 20 weeks, and the divorce will be finalised. Those weeks will pass slowly for me because I want to get married again. His name is Charlie and I have loved him since I was sixteen years old. Unbelievably, we met again this summer, and being with him is heaven, like I’m home.

Charlie has just accepted a professorship at York University (Google him- Dr Charlie Spring) and we’re looking to buy a house between Leeds and York at some point soon. We want to start a family in the next couple of years. Thanks for your pragmatism regarding our house; the market’s a bit stagnant here at the moment, so renting it out makes sense for now. Once the rental payments come in, I’ll set up a regular transfer of your share- just to confirm, 60% to me, 40% to you is what we agreed.

Charlie and I are planning to visit Thessaloniki during the May half-term. If you are still there, it would be good to see you. I’d really like to understand more about why our marriage ended, closure I guess, but there is no pressure. The ball is in your court. I’ll email you our itinerary when it’s finalised. Yours, Nick.’”

“He’s getting married again,” Nia murmured. “How do you feel about that?”

Sami tucked her long legs up to her chest on the chair.

“It just shows how, deep down, Nicholas and I were never really on the same page.”

“You didn’t answer the question I asked, dearest.”

Sami let out a short laugh.

“Okay, okay… I think I’m relieved, actually. I’m happy that he’s found love again, because it means that I haven’t taken away too much from him.” She picked up her coffee again. “But I also feel horrendously guilty. Maybe he could have had love and a family earlier, if I hadn’t used him.”

Nia fished into the pocket of her black pinafore and produced a black pen.

“I know this is a token gesture, but you need to do it. Time to make it official, Sami.”

Sami took the pen from her and stretched out the official documents on her lap.

“Yes, yes it is.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Twelve: Thessaloniki, Greece

Charlie woke up on his front, white cotton hotel sheets gathered around his bare waist. He swept his arm over the bed to feel for Nick, but he wasn’t there. He sat up.

“Nick?”

There was no reply, and he could see that the bathroom was empty too. He picked up his phone.  

Nick

N: 6.30am: Char, couldn’t sleep but you were out for the count so I’ve gone for a swim. Back at 8 to get you for breakfast. Love you N xxx

N: 6.31am: PS: The coffee machine is ready to go. Just press the big cup symbol.

Charlie sighed. It was the third night in a row that Nick hadn’t slept properly. After a few delays because Sami was in Greece, Nick’s divorce was finalised the night before they were due to fly to Thessaloniki. They toasted the moment with a bottle of Bollinger Sarah had given them for the occasion and shared the most delicious of kisses. However, then the reality that they were going to meet Sami in just three days hit Nick like a ton of bricks.

Charlie had managed to soothe him that first night through cuddles and sex, but Nick still hardly slept and they had to be up early to catch their flight from Manchester. The next evening, Nick had tossed and turned before getting up at five o’clock and going for a long walk around the hotel grounds. This morning, he had apparently chosen swimming.

Charlie made a coffee and took it out onto the hotel balcony, which overlooked the hotel’s gardens, pool and the choppy waters of the Thermaikos Gulf beyond. The Greek sun was already out and bright in the sky. Nick was tearing up the swimming lane, pushing through the water with his strong arms and powerful kicks. Charlie couldn’t help but ogle a little at his boyfriend’s muscular form. Nick’s shoulders were turning pink; he had left the suncream on the bedside table.

Charlie made a decision. He downed his coffee, got changed into swim trunks and a t-shirt, grabbed his phone, sunglasses, suncream and the hotel keycard, then made his way to the pool.

The Axios Hotel was where Charlie always stayed in Thessaloniki; it was about halfway between the airport and the city. As it was a little off the beaten track, it didn’t have many tourists so it was quiet as well as gay-friendly, and luxurious in a minimalist way. Nick had the pool to himself as it was still so early. The only people around were a couple of businessmen having breakfast on the terrace.

Charlie placed his stuff on the shaded sun lounger next to where Nick had left his towel, and took off his t-shirt. Nick hadn’t noticed him yet, so Charlie slid into the pool while he was swimming out.

“OMG, good morning!” Nick cried when he turned and saw that Charlie was in his lane. “Come here, love.” He lifted Charlie off his feet and spun him around.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Charlie dropped a kiss on Nick’s temple. “Another bad night, huh?”

Nick put Charlie down and snuggled his face against Charlie’s neck. “Yeah.” He took off his goggles and put them on the side of the pool. “Did I wake you when I left?”

“No, but I think my body woke up because it missed you,” Charlie replied. Nick tightened his arms around Charlie’s waist.

“Oh Char, how are you so cute?” Nick murmured, trailing tiny pecks from Charlie’s collarbone up to his ear. “And God, you smell so good.” He sucked Charlie’s earlobe and flicked it with his tongue.

“As much as I love you doing that,” Charlie whispered, “we’re going to attract an audience.” He glanced up to the terrace where a few more businesspeople were arriving for breakfast.

“Haha, good point.” Nick followed Charlie’s eyes, then let go of his waist. “Bubble pool?”

“Definitely.”

Charlie kissed Nick’s cheek, took his hand and led him out of the pool. Once they were settled in the whirlpool, Charlie waved at one of the waiters on the terrace, who gave him a thumbs up and started coming down the stairs to the pool.

“ Kalimera!” You are here early this morning, and it is already warm,” he said, putting the glasses down on the tiled side of the hot tub. “Would you like some coffee?”

“One of those sweet, foamy iced coffees would be lovely,” Nick asked. “Char, which one was it?”

“The frappé, glyko me gala, ” Charlie said, to which the waiter scribbled on his notepad, “ kai énan freddo espréso skéto parakaló. An iced espresso without sugar.”

“You speak very good Greek!” the waiter exclaimed. “I will be back soon with your drinks.”

“Efcharistó, thank you,” Charlie replied. The water nodded, smiled and then returned to the terrace.

Under the water, Nick slipped his hand over Charlie’s knee and squeezed. Charlie turned to swing his legs over Nick’s lap under the water, and pressed one hand to his chest.

“Do you like it when I speak Greek, agápi mou? ” Charlie cooed. “My love.”

Nick’s eyes fluttered closed.

“How do you say ‘hell yeah’ in Greek?”

“Sígoura nai,” Charlie said. “The phrase doesn’t translate very well though.”

“Translates well enough for me,” Nick replied. “I think you need to call me Greek things again sometime.”

Charlie kissed between Nick’s eyebrows, then brushed a thumb under one of the dark circles under his eyes.

“Agápi mou, tha itan kalitera na eiches koimithei, écheis megáli méra simera," Charlie murmured.

“Wow, that’s beautiful,” Nick said. “What does it mean?”

“’My love, I wish you had slept. You have a big day today.’”

“Oh.” Nick looked away, but Charlie gently pressed his palm to Nick’s face and turned it back. “I wish I’d managed it too.”

“Talk to me, Nick. You haven’t struggled like this in months. What’s in your head?”

“So many things, Char,” he admitted. “What if she doesn’t turn up? What if she turns up but doesn’t give me the answer I need? Why am I doing this? I mean, we’re divorced now. Does it matter, seeing her?” Nick blew out a shaky breath. “I’m finally in Greece and I want to enjoy our holiday, not stress about my ex-wife. We’ve only got a week here.”

“Look at it this way, love,” Charlie replied, “after today, you’re done.”

Nick nodded but he still appeared downcast. “I’m worried about telling her that I want to sell the house. She seemed very happy to rent it out and get a steady income.”

“Look, if she doesn’t want to sell, we can still make our plans work,” Charlie told him.

“But then you’d be paying the whole deposit for the farm. I want to pay my share.”

Charlie sighed. The only thing Nick and Charlie had come close to disagreeing about in the six months since they started living together, was money.

“You would, Nick. We’d still split all the bills and the mortgage payments.”

“Char, it’s important to me that we start our life in our dream home as equal as possible.”

“I know, sweetheart.” Charlie murmured. “But we can’t measure equality in money because our incomes are so disproportionate.”

“I know,” Nick mumbled.

“Even if I never lifted another finger ever again, love,” Charlie continued, “the royalties from my books and TV productions earn me twice your salary, at least. We could retire tomorrow, if we wanted.”

“I-I…” Nick closed his eyes and sank under the water.

“Sami isn’t the only reason you’re not sleeping, is it, Nick?” Charlie realised. “It’s also us. Moving forward. There’s nothing stopping us from getting married now.”

“What if I fuck up our relationship?” Nick murmured, his chin dipping into the bubbles as he idly stroked Charlie’s legs over his lap. “What if she reveals a fundamental thing about myself that will eventually push you away too? I couldn’t stand it, Char. I would never survive losing you.”

Charlie ducked under the water and pulled Nick across the tub so that he was sitting on the other side, and Nick was lying in his arms, between Charlie’s legs.

“I would never survive it either, but we never have to worry about that,” Charlie told him, as Nick lay his head on his shoulder and curled an arm around his neck. “There is almost nothing you could do to push me away.”

“’Almost nothing?’” Nick said, his words vibrating through Charlie’s collarbone.

“I mean if you shagged someone else or murdered my family, we would need to have words. There would be some strongly worded DMs too,” Charlie replied, placing a kiss on the top of Nick’s head. Even with the chlorinated water, his hair smelled of Charlie’s shampoo; Nick had stopped bothering to buy his own when they moved in together in Kilnsey.

“That’s fair.” Nick snuggled against Charlie’s neck and then looked up. “Oh, the waiter’s coming.”

Nick moved to sit next to Charlie, and draped an arm over Charlie’s shoulder.

“One frappé, glyko me gala , and one freddo espréso skéto ,” he said, placing the coffees on the hot tub’s blue-and-white tiled surround. “I would like to say, you are such a lovely couple. How long have you been married?”

Nick and Charlie looked at each other and laughed lightly.

“Thank you, but we’re not yet married,” Charlie replied, shaking off water from his hand before signing the receipt.

“It’s soon, though.  August.” Nick added. “Our stars have finally aligned.”

“I wish you joy in your lives together then,” the waiter added with a smile and a nod. “Enjoy your coffee.”

After he left, Nick and Charlie stepped out of the whirlpool and took the coffees to their sun-loungers, under one of the shady gazebos dotted around the pool.

“Okay, sweetheart, before you do anything else, we need to get some sun cream on your back. It’s already pink.”

“I am never going to complain about you wanting to touch me,” Nick replied, passing Charlie the sun-cream and sitting down on one of the loungers. “But I get to do your back afterwards. Remember what happened in Morocco?”

“As if you’d ever let me forget!”

“’I’ll be fine! I don’t burn!’” Nick replied with a laugh. “I’ve never seen skin peel so much.”

“Hey, if I’d known that Nathan and Youssef were taking us on an all-day hiking trip, I might have been less confident about my sun tolerance.”

“Worth it, though,” Nick murmured, as Charlie swapped places with him.

“To frolic through cherry orchards and to see spectacular waterfalls with my love, absolutely.”

Nick laughed and kissed Charlie’s neck before applying suncream to it.

“My most favourite holiday ever.”

“Mine too,” Charlie replied. “I meant it when I said that we’re going back next Easter.”

“I like that we’re developing a regular calendar of trips now.” Nick reclined back on the sunbed and picked up his frappe. “Christmas alternating between Kent and York, Morocco in the Easter break, and summers split between wherever your work takes us, and a week or two in Menorca with the family.”

“Are you sure your mum didn’t mind when Michael and Olly practically invited themselves and all us Springs on the Nelson Menorca trip? I think she was a little startled by their enthusiasm.”

“She’s already found two villas side by side that will house the lot of us,” Nick said. “Ten bedrooms in total, which leaves one spare in case David and TJ deign to join us.”

“Do you think they will?”

Nick shook his head.

“He’s under a lot of pressure to move to Minneapolis from his father-in-law. He has to make a go of his latest business venture here, otherwise he won’t be able to argue his case for staying in London.”

“He wasn’t quite as much of a knob as I remembered when we met them in London,” Charlie murmured, draining his coffee and then leaning back against Nick’s chest. “Although choosing the Savoy Grill for lunch and making a big show out of paying was a dick-ish move.”

“Well, he wouldn’t be David if he didn’t flash the cash,” Nick said drily. “Deep down he’s still pissed that he found out we were together from the media and not from me, especially when he asked about you at his wedding.”

After the British media got hold of a picture of them embracing after one of Nick’s rugby matches, there had been an increase in media interest. A few photographers had shown up in Kilnsey and at Badgers’ games for a while. However, Darcy managed to time a press release about The Ark going on a career break for later that week, and the speculations about why diverted attention away from Nick and Charlie.

“Well, hopefully me offering to take TJ on a tour of Rome will have assuaged him a bit,” Charlie replied.

“I still can’t believe you offered to do that.” Nick wrapped his arms around Charlie’s waist and dropped a series of soft, wet kisses along his neck. “Even though three days in Rome with her and David in July will be hell.”

“It’ll be okay,” Charlie replied. “She’s sweet really, once you get past the rich and entitled thing. And at least you can rely on David to be David.”

“Hmm.” Nick didn’t sound that sure but Charlie decided to let it go.

“Just think, love,” he began, running his hand up Nick’s thick, firm thigh until his hand grazed his navy swimming trunks, and back down again. “We’re going to be the proud owners of a gorgeous little farm, with a big, beautiful house, a shed for my drums, a chicken hut and a big field for goats or sheep.”

“Or a rugby practice field,” Nick suggested. “Just an idea I’ve been mulling over.”

“See? All sorts of possibilities.”

“Did you mean it when you said we could retire on your royalties alone?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, probably, although we’d have to cut our day-to-day spending a little and I don’t feel ready for that yet,” Charlie replied. “Plus, I’m so excited about starting at York in September.”

“And so is York,” Nick said. 

Charlie felt a shiver suddenly, and let go of Nick’s legs to rub his arms.

“Do we need to go in, Char?” Nick asked. “You’re getting cold.”

“Or go back in the hot tub,” Charlie replied. He glanced at his watch. “It’s eight now. I don’t mind.”

“Let’s go back upstairs,” Nick mumbled into Charlie’s hair. “I’ve just thought of another way to warm both of us up. ”

Charlie sat forward.

“Hmm, is that so, baby? Well, let’s go then.”

***

At 1.55pm, Charlie parked the rental car on a quiet street in the district of Sofouli, about five kilometres from the centre of Thessaloniki. They stepped out of the car and Charlie joined Nick on the pavement.

“Okay, so the restaurant where you’re meeting Sami is that one over there on the waterfront,” he began, pointing at the sleek, glass-fronted building. “I’m going to be in this one here.” He pointed to a more homely-looking Greek taverna, where a few patrons were finishing lunch outside on the patio.

“All right, love,” Nick murmured. “I’ll text or call when I’m ready for you to come over, or if it goes badly, I’ll just walk up here and find you.”

“It’s going to be fine, Nick,” Charlie said, picking up Nick’s hand and interlinking their fingers. “This is just for closure. You may not get all the answers you want, but at least you can say you tried everything.”

“God, I love you, Char,” Nick replied. He gathered Charlie into his arms, nuzzled into his neck, then dropped a kiss behind Charlie’s ear. Charlie hummed softly which made Nick want to pick him up and take him straight back to the hotel. 

“Me too, love of my whole life,” Charlie told him as they broke apart. “Let’s get through today. Tomorrow we are going to spend the whole day on Perea beach, and Wednesday we’re going to see Mount Olympus.”

“I can’t wait.” Nick took Charlie’s hands, and leaned in to give him a sweet, short kiss. “Bye love.”

“Bye.”

Nick rubbed his palms on his thighs and checked his appearance in his reflection before walking into the elegant restaurant. The host started speaking to him in Greek, but before he could reply, he heard his ex-wife’s familiar voice.

“Nicholas!”

And there she was.

Sami looked the same, and yet different. She still had a waist-length riot of dark, wavy hair, swept over one shoulder, and her grey-green eyes were still striking. She was wearing a flowy, terracotta-coloured linen dress, belted with a black ribbon, and black plimsolls on her feet. Nick could see the tension in her jaw and the darting of her eyes, and yet, behind it, she seemed to be calmer.

“Sami,” he murmured. “How are you?”

“I’m all right,” she replied. “Better.”

They took a seat at the table, facing a small garden, with the sea just yards beyond.

“This seems like a lovely restaurant,” Nick began. “Do you live nearby?”

“About two kilometres away,” she replied, “nearer the city centre.”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet,” he said. “Charlie and I arrived on Saturday evening and we took yesterday to relax at the hotel.”

“You did your thing of not sleeping after travel?”

“I did my thing of not sleeping because of travel,” he agreed, “and because of today.”

“Because of seeing me?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

She looked down at her hands, which she clasped together on her lap.

“I’m sorry about how much I’ve put you through,” she murmured before looking up. “Even now, you’ve had to come to me because I couldn’t bring myself to return to Leeds.”

“No.”

Nick’s response was out of his mouth before he could temper it, and Sami’s mouth dropped open.

“Sorry, what?”

“I’m not in Thessaloniki just for you, Sami,” Nick said. “Charlie and I had planned a holiday here before you made contact. He knows the region well because of his work and he’s so excited to show me around… he has a whole itinerary for the week.”

“I see.”

Sami nodded and looked away, towards the waiter, who approached. Nick ordered a Mythos beer while Sami ordered sparkling water. Sami then spoke to the waiter in fast Greek; he smiled at her and murmured something back before disappearing to the bar.

“So you speak Greek fluently?”

“I learned over the course of several trips when I was younger,” she explained. “Then I kept it up through contact with friends here.”

“The trips your father used to bring you on when he was working in Greece?”

“How did you know about those?” she asked, leaning forward in her chair. “I never spoke about my dad with you.”

“You didn’t tell me very much about anything,” Nick replied. “I’ve known you for nearly five years, we were together for over three years, married. Yet I found out the truly important things after you left me.”

“That’s fair,” she agreed. “I’ve been working on opening up with my therapist but it’s never going to be something that comes naturally.”

“A family trait, I came to realise.”

“What do you mean?”

“I went to Paris in August and Morocco in October to try to find you,” Nick told her. “We ended up meeting the whole family in Taroudant.”

“Charlie’s met my family?”

“No, Charlie hasn’t met them. ‘We’ means Tilly, Leo and Leo’s girlfriend Asma. Charlie didn’t come that time, but we went back to Morocco together at Easter.”

“Why?”

“A holiday,” Nick said simply.

A silence descended as Sami looked at her lap again, and played with a gold bracelet on her wrist. The waiter returned with their drinks and placed them down, along with a small dish of violet olives. Sami offered them to him, but Nick declined.

“Sorry, I forgot you don’t like them,” she said, popping one in her mouth.

“I was hoping Greek ones would taste better, but no, they’re still salty little slime-bombs. Yuck,” he replied. He picked up a menu. “Should we order some lunch?”

“Yes, definitely. The food is amazing here,” Sami agreed. “It’s all great, so if you can’t decide, Chef will make us a selection of dishes.”

“That’s what you asked the waiter earlier?” She nodded. “You come here a lot, then?”

She smoothed her hand over the sleek menu folder, embossed with a gold and blue design on white faux leather.

“I designed this for them,” she explained. “I started my own graphic design business instead of signing with an agency.”

“That’s great, Sami,” he replied, smiling.

“It’s still quite small, so I will be living with my friends for a little longer, but it’s going well.” Her face glowed as she spoke. “It’s also easy to do remotely, so I can pick up projects here and still work on them when my wanderlust kicks in.”

“How long have you been in Thessaloniki?”

“Since I left Paris at the end of last April,” she told him, “although I’ve travelled several times this past year using Thess as my base.”

“Did you mean to leave Paris?” Nick asked. “Or was that a spur-of-the-moment decision?”

Sami’s shoulders suddenly hunched, and she blew out a shaky breath. Then she turned and told the waiter something, before taking Nick’s menu and her own and piling them on the edge of the table.

“I asked him to do the selection thing so he didn’t come over for a while. I hope that’s okay. I told him no olives for you.”

“Whatever you want, if you actually tell me the truth.”

She swallowed hard, took a sip of her water, and swallowed hard again.

“The short answer is no, coming to Thess wasn’t planned. I ran from Leeds, and then I ran from Paris. When I got here, I finally managed to stop. My friends, my true friends, helped me heal.”

Nick felt a cold sweat break out behind his neck, and a shiver down his back.

“D-did I hurt you?” he murmured. “I’ve been worried that I did because you left so suddenly …”

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“Nicholas, you could never hurt anyone,” she replied. “You did everything right.”

“Then why did you leave?”

“It was me,” she whispered. “I succumbed to… needs, needs you couldn’t meet, needs I hated myself for having.”

“’Needs?’”

“I had a pattern when it came to relationships.” Sami finally looked him in the eye and blinked back a couple of tears. “I would seduce a man and fall into a steady relationship with him, but after a while… sometimes a few months, sometimes a year or two, I would get the yearning.”

“Sami, I know being open is hard for you but please just be direct,” Nick stated. “This drip-feeding of information is frustrating. Yearning for what?”

“Women.” Her voice was clear and her tense shoulders dropped. “Nicholas, I am a lesbian.”

“I see,” Nick murmured, deciding not to tell her that Charlie had come to that conclusion when seeing the photos of her stuff from Morocco. “So why did you marry me?”

“My family would never accept me being gay,” she replied. “I knew when I was sixteen, but when I even hinted to my mum about not being straight, she couldn’t cope with the thought.”

“Because it’s a woman’s duty to get married and have children,” Nick said. “She told me that when I saw her in Taroudant.”

“Yes.” Sami sniffed a little. “My dad knew and accepted my Sapphic leanings, but he told me that I had a choice – live my life the way I wanted without Mum and my sisters in it, or live my life their way and keep my family.”

“So you chose the latter, but you were miserable.”

“When Dad passed away, Mum piled the pressure on to get married. Every time I spoke to her she would be hysterical about it. So I moved back to Paris and promised her I’d find a husband.”

“And you found me,” Nick realised. “Did you mean to go after me? I mean, was our friendship just a set-up because I was good husband material on paper?”

“No, Nicholas!” she cried. “I really enjoyed our time as friends, but when my mother visited me, and put even more pressure on me, that’s when I had the thought.”

The waiter interrupted with a large tray of dishes just then.

“Chef’s special dakos tomato salad from Crete, roast aubergine, tzatziki yoghurt , tirokeftiri spicy feta and peppers dip, homemade bread, grilled pork souvlaki, oregano fries, and soutzoukakia veal meatballs with saffron rice. Please enjoy.”

“Efcharisto, Ioannis,” Sami replied. “Thanks.”

“The food I’ve eaten in Greece so far has been fantastic,” Nick said, putting some of the salad, dips and bread on his plate and automatically doing the same for Sami. “Oh, sorry, I guess I fell into an old habit. With Charlie he does it for me.”

“You’re very much in love, aren’t you?” Sami observed. “You drop his name into conversation every chance you get, and I’m sure you didn’t do that with me.”

“I am completely in love,” he agreed. “If I had met Charlie again when you and I were still together, it would have been me that left you. I can’t stand to be away from him,” he replied. “But don’t let that distract from telling me about our marriage ending. I still want to know the details.”

“I thought that if I committed fully, I could make it work, so even though I knew deep down that I wouldn’t be happy in Leeds, I pushed myself into staying there. Then lockdown happened and it seemed like fate was telling me this was the right thing to do.”

“Maybe it was telling you that it was your last chance to get out,” Nick murmured.

“In hindsight, it was, but I wasn’t listening. Things snowballed, and then before I knew it, we were getting married.”

“It was like the wedding flipped a switch in you,” Nick said. “You went from being a happy bride to utterly miserable.”

“Because suddenly I realised that my life was suburbia, no travel because of your schedule, and soon we would have children and I was going to end up just like my sisters: mothers first, women second.” Nick began to say something but she put her hand up and continued speaking. “You never lied to me, you never promised me anything you couldn’t deliver, but despite that I felt trapped.”

“Was that when you began the affair?”

She sighed.

“There were two affairs,” Sami admitted. “One started a couple of months before our wedding, and the other about six months later.”

“Jesus Christ, Sami…”

She put down her fork.

“I started going to a yoga class on Monday mornings after you left for work,” she said. “I would wave you off, then walk into Meanwood to the yoga studio near the Waitrose. I met this couple there, Leah and Sophie.”

“Oh God, I met Leah,” Nick realised. “She stopped by the house not long after I met Charlie, asking after you. Slim blonde woman?”

“Yeah,” Sami agreed. “They were both gorgeous. Different in appearance and personality, but I was so attracted to them…” She dropped her gaze to her lap again before looking up and biting her lip.

The penny dropped.

“No! Sami, you slept with both of them?”

“Yes, but not at the same time…” she began. “Leah first. She came to the class without Sophie because she was on a business trip, and we arranged to go out one evening while you were at rugby. That turned into a regular thing but it was just sex. Leah didn’t want anything more and neither did I.”

“So how did you end up shagging her wife?”

Nick could see Sami bristled at his coarse words.

“Things fizzled after a few months, and I stopped going to the class in Meanwood to avoid Leah, but I missed the yoga. One day, when Tilly was over, she started talking about this great yoga studio she used to go to in Leeds Dock before she started her teaching job.”

“And you met Sophie there?”

“Yes. She invited me for coffee afterwards and then to show me around her new house while Leah was at work. She was so pretty. She just smelled so good and I couldn’t help but flirt with her.”

“I’ve been on the receiving end of your flirting. You’re very good at it.”

Sami’s cheeks glowed a faint shade of pink.

“I know,” she said. “But it was different with Sophie. We had a lot more in common and it turned into a passionate thing over several months. But then she started talking about leaving Leah for me.”

“She fell in love with you?”

“And I loved her, but I would have been trading one version of suburbia with another,” Sami explained. “Then, when I was going to a workshop at the Leeds Dock studio, I saw Leah and Sophie having coffee with Tilly.”

“What?” Nick exclaimed. “Tilly? My cousin?”

“Yeah,” Sami replied. “I made subtle enquiries with Sophie and found out that they used to be neighbours.”

“God, what a small world.”

“It freaked me out. I realised that I was one accidental meeting away from everything unravelling, so when we went to Paris a couple of days later, I decided to stay and get some space to figure out what I was going to do.”

“So how did you end up here?”

“A couple of weeks later, Sophie came to Paris. I couldn’t resist seeing her, but then she told me that she was planning her separation from Leah so we could be together.”

“And…?”

“I ran again because as much as I cared about Sophie, we didn’t want the same things. I texted my friends Nia and Popi and the morning after Sophie returned to Leeds, I came to stay here. They have always known about my sexuality; I am closest to myself with them.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?” he asked.

“I didn’t want you to run after me,” she answered simply. “I wanted some space to work out what I wanted.”

“Which was?”

“Freedom to travel, to sleep with who I wanted, and no kids. The thought of carrying a child in my body makes me feel…” she shuddered. “I’m so sorry Nick. I thought I could do it with you because you’re so kind and gentle, and would be the most hands-on father, but I couldn’t.”

Nick looked away, over the slightly choppy sea, before his eyes landed on the waiter walking into the garden. He was bringing out a coffee and a juice carton to a man in his thirties, who had a toddler, a little boy, on his shoulders. The child had his fingers in his dad’s longish, dark hair but reached eagerly for the juice when it was offered to him. He promptly spilled some on his dad’s hair; the dad laughed, brought his son round to face him and blew a raspberry on his cheek. The boy giggled and sipped his juice.

“I’m relieved you left in that respect,” he told her. “The worst thing in the world would have been you having our child and then resenting them.”

Sami nodded.

“Absolutely,” she agreed. “I hope you can forgive me one day for delaying you becoming a dad.”

“I forgive you for that already,” Nick replied instantly. “Despite your fears about me running after you, and how hurt and sad I was when you left, I didn’t even think about actively trying to find you until I met Charlie. I tried to call Fatima a couple of times, but that was it.”

“Really?”

“Really,” he said. “I only tried to find you when I wanted a divorce, which is a huge contrast to how I am with Charlie. We hate being apart. The most we’ve managed since August is five days, and those were torturous.”

“How does he like your routine?”

“We both had some compromising to do when I moved in with him but we worked it out.”

“You moved to York? What about rugby and school?”

Nick shook his head.

“We live in the Dales, near Priya and Jen, because that’s where Charlie is working right now but only until the summer. We’re hoping to move to our new place after our wedding in August.”

“You moved for him?” Nick nodded. “You wouldn’t have done that for me.”

“I wouldn’t have done it for anyone but him.”

“I assume Charlie wants kids?”

“Yes,” Nick agreed, unable to stop a smile taking over his face. “In fact, we’re looking to buy a large house with a smallholding attached, near a village with a great school.”

“Wow,” Sami murmured. “Your dream.”

“He’s my dream, Samira,” Nick replied. “My first love, and now my last.”

Sami speared one of the meatballs and brought it onto her plate.

“I’m happy for you, Nicholas,” she murmured. “Does that mean you want to sell the house?”

“Yeah—”

“Oh, great!” she exclaimed. “I’ve got my eye on a little flat in the same building as Nia and Popi.”

“That’s good.” He sat back in his chair and felt the tension in his back fade away.

“So Charlie sounds truly wonderful,” Sami began after a few moments of them eating in silence. “Tell me more about him?”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Epilogue: The Ones Who Completed Our Family- Part 1

Mel

It’s gonna sound stupid, but it's too comfy here, so I’m up already and it’s still dark outside. My feet don’t even touch the ends of this huge bed and when I starfish, I can’t reach the edges. It’s also so bloody quiet here. No car horns or trains whizzing past, no police sirens, no shouting.

As foster places go, this has to be the nicest one yet. The room is pretty neutral – cream walls with framed pictures of old places, like the Pyramids and the Colosseum. It’s also super-tidy. There’s a cream wardrobe and a chest of drawers with wooden handles, two bedside tables and that’s it. A bin bag of my stuff is in the corner, still with the knot tied in it. God knows what the social worker’s put in there for me.

On the bedside table is a bottle of water, a packet of Oreos, an apple and a note. The foster guy must have put them here when I conked out. My face hurts too much to eat right now, but I hide the Oreos and the apple in my rucksack for later, in case that’s it for the food today, and read the note.

Dear Mel,

Welcome to our home. We hope you’ve had a decent night’s sleep and it wasn’t too scary being here overnight. If you need us, turn left and we are in the room at the end. The bathroom is opposite your room. Just help yourself to towels, toiletries and a toothbrush. We left you some snacks if you get hungry. Sorry they're a bit basic, but we'll get some better snacks tomorrow. Just tell us what you like.

The dogs might wake up if you head downstairs, and they might ‘woof’ at you, but don’t worry. They just want cuddles. You can open the door to their room if you want that. If not, then ignore the woofs and they will go back to sleep.

There are a few other people in the house as we have family staying over for Christmas but they are all lovely and will give you space if you don’t want to talk. The exception is little Noah, who is five years old and likes to ask new people lots of questions, but we’ll try to distract him.

Sorry for the long note!

Looking forward to meeting you properly,

Nick and Charlie (and the dogs! Prima, Pax, Parvus, Glyko and Ganymede)

I read the letter twice. It was written with a weird blue pen. Who even wrote letters anymore? Why didn’t they just text? But then I remembered. My piece-of-shit phone was smashed to pieces yesterday. Great.

I only met one of the foster parents last night. It was a guy; skinny with wild, curly dark hair that had a few grey streaks in it. He had kind eyes, but I’ve learned the hard way that my first impressions mean nothing.

Suddenly, I feel my body tense up at noise outside my room. There are footsteps and whispers, and I quickly bury myself under the blanket, waiting for them to come inside. They don’t though, and I hear them go downstairs. A minute later, there’s the sound of woofing, a man shushing them, and a heavy door opening and closing.

My bladder makes itself known and I realise that I haven’t peed since finishing school yesterday afternoon, before all the shit hit the fan and I ended up in hospital. I press my hand to the right side of my face and immediately wince; I’m going to have a huge bruise this time. The blur of screaming, police turning up and being bundled to the hospital comes flashing back.

The social worker turned up at the hospital pretty quickly but it was still after midnight when I arrived here. I’ve got no idea where I am, but it’s not too far away from Leeds, I think. The last time I ended up in foster care, it was in some tiny village hours away, where I was the only non-white person in the whole place. The foster people barely spoke to me and I didn’t go to school for a month. That nearly killed me; school is my fucking salvation.

The bathroom is as nice as the bedroom, with white tiles and fancy chrome taps. It’s super tidy too. After I use the loo, I brush my teeth and use the fancy soap to freshen up at the sink. I look longingly at the big overhead shower, but I don’t want to get in trouble for using that without permission. Instead, I head back towards my room. In the corridor, however, is a little boy with a big N on his pyjama top.

“Hello, who are you?” he asks. He has huge blue eyes and wavy light brown hair.

“My name’s Mel,” I whisper. Talking hurts a little because my face is still swollen. “Are you Noah?”

“Yeah,” he says, rubbing one of his eyes. “Why is your face poorly, Mel?”

“I got hurt yesterday,” I say. “I’m okay though. How come you’re up so early, kid?”

“I wanted to see if Santa came yet,” he said, his face lighting up with a grin. “I asked for Legos and a Spiderman!”

Oh God, it’s nearly Christmas, isn’t it? I look around the hallway; there are green and red paper chains, and holly and ivy garlands along the walls, plus a small set of sparkly rainbow Christmas trees in the windowsill. I drop down to one knee so I’m almost face to face with the little guy.

“You still got a while, bud,” I tell him. “Santa drops the presents off for Christmas morning and that’s still a couple days away.”

“Oh.” He hangs his head. “Still a couple more days?”

“Yeah, but then think of how awesome it will be when you get to open all your presents and eat lots of lovely food and chocolates, and sing songs with your family.” I realise I’m telling him about some magical fairytale Christmas that I’ve never actually experienced, but it seems to make him happy.

“It’s gonna be so cool!” He slips his hot little hand in mine. “Let’s go downstairs and look at the tree!”

Noah leads me to a cosy living room with a fireplace, and a massive tree next to it. It’s decorated in tinsel, baubles, ornaments and lights of all different colours, but they are organised in neat rows.

“It’s beautiful,” I murmur. It really is. I’ve never seen such a pretty tree in someone’s house before.

There’s no answer, and I realise that Noah’s wandered into a massive old-style kitchen, but with sparkly new appliances. I walk through to see Noah in the arms of the skinny, curly-haired guy from yesterday, who is wearing red tartan pyjama bottoms, thick woolly socks and a blue Adidas sweatshirt that is two sizes too big for him.

“Unca Charlie, that tickles!” Noah cries as the guy, Charlie, blows a raspberry on his cheek.

“Well, you shouldn’t be so yummy then!” Charlie says. “Are Mummy and Daddy still sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Noah replies. “And so are Aunty Tori and Unca Michael. I tried to play with Wednesday but she hissed at me.”

“Noah, what’s the rule when it comes to the animals?”

“Doggies like pats, cats like space,” Noah said with a sigh. “Can I play with Mel though?”

“Mel? Is she up?”

“I’m up,” I say and Charlie turns around to face me. “Hi.”

“Hey.” He gives me a smile that reaches those kind eyes. “Did you sleep okay?”

I shrug.

“So what’s the deal here?”

Charlie drops a kiss on Noah’s forehead and puts him on the floor.

“Noah, do you want to watch Minions for a while?  I’ll bring you some milk in a bit.”

“Yeah!” Noah skips back to the living room and a second later the TV is being switched on.

Charlie gestures for me to sit down but I shake my head. I can’t until I know the score.

“Would you like a drink, Mel? Tea, coffee?”

“Just water, thanks.” My rule is no hot drinks until I’m sure they’re not going to be thrown at me. I’m not getting that vibe from this guy, but you never know. He fills a bright green plastic tumbler from the fancy fridge and puts it on the kitchen table. I scuttle forward and grab it, but go back to the doorway.

“We think you’re going to be with us for at least a couple of weeks, Mel. Your social worker, Bhavna, is going to call us this morning to let us know for sure. It might be longer, depending on what’s happening with your family.”

I shudder. I don’t think I can go back there ever. Mum made that clear when she walloped me in the face and called me a slut.

“Right,” I say. “So, how many kids do you have here?"

“Apart from Noah, you’re the only kid, although when I was fourteen, I hated being called a ‘kid,’” Charlie says, taking a sip from a massive mug of coffee. “My brother Olly and his wife Hayley, Noah’s mum and dad, are here too, and so are my sister Tori and her partner Michael. My parents, Jane and Julio, are coming today, as is Nick’s mum, Sarah. Nick’s Aunt Diane and Uncle Rich, his cousins Tilly and Leo, and their wives Sahar and Asma, are arriving tomorrow.”

“That’s a lot of family.”

“Don’t worry, you can mix with us as much or as little as you want, Mel,” Charlie says. “Normally it’s just me, Nick and the dogs.”

“Where are they all gonna sleep? This place is huge, but not that huge.”

“We turned an outbuilding into a second house for guests,” Charlie explains. “When it gets light, we’ll show you round. We get up early around here because of the dogs and the chickens.”

“Chickens? Is this place, like, a farm?”

“Not a proper one. We aren’t farmers,” he replies. “But we love animals and chickens are pretty easy to look after.”

“If you’re not a farmer, what do you do? Because…” I hold my hands up to the massive house I’m standing in. “You’re obviously loaded.”

Charlie smiles.

“I’m a writer and a lecturer, but I used to be a TV presenter a few years ago. My husband, Nick, is a teacher.” He looks at my faded Leeds Rhinos top. “Nick plays union, but he loves Rugby League too so he’ll talk your ear off about Rhinos.”

I look around the large farmhouse kitchen. There are posters from the Six Nations and the International Gay Rugby League hanging on the wall by the kitchen table. There are several pairs of rugby cleats stacked on a shoe rack by the back door, and a rugby ball on a shelf above it. This makes me relax a little. If we’ve got something in common, it won’t be two weeks of awkward silence.

“Cool. I like both equally.”

Charlie beams at me. He seems so gentle, but I can’t let my guard down. He's still a stranger.

“Would you like some breakfast, honey?” Charlie goes to the massive fridge and pulls out a glass bottle of blue-topped milk. Even the milk is fancy here. “I’m just going to warm Noah’s milk and then I can get you something. Nick will be making pancakes for everyone later, but we’ve got cereal, toast, fruit, yoghurt…”

I want to say no, but I barely ate anything yesterday because I was feeling sick and now my traitorous tummy rumbles loudly at the thought of food.

“Um…”

Just then, the back door opens and a massive guy in a thick, black puffer jacket and a red, woolly bobble hat stomps in.

“Char, I’ve left the pups running off some energy in the small field and I’ve been to the chicken coop. All the hens have laid except Lulu. She’s in a right mood today.” He puts a basket of eggs down on the side, takes his coat off, hangs it up, and then slides over to Charlie. There’s something familiar about him but with the hat on I can’t work out who he is. “Good morning again, love.” He slips his hands around Charlie’s skinny middle and drops kisses on his forehead, nose and lips.

“Good morning,” Charlie whispers, giving him a kiss back and pulling his hat off. “Sweetheart, this is Mel.”

The guy turns around and I drop the cup of water on the floor.

“C-Coach Nelson-Spring?”

“Melissa?”

The relief, the sheer relief, of seeing Coach overwhelms me and I can’t help it. I burst into tears.

“Oh Mel…” He opens his arms. I fall into them and sob and sob against him. “It’s all right, everything’s going to be all right.”

“It’s not,” I tell him through my tears. “I can’t go home again. I messed up so badly.”

“No you haven’t,” he replies. “Nothing that’s happened is your fault.”

“No, no, you don’t understand,” I insist, because it is my fault. I never should have done it. 

He lets go of me and drops down onto one of the chairs around the table. He leads me to sit down opposite him, and then reaches for Charlie who stands by him and puts his hands on his shoulders.

“Tell me then.”

I eye Charlie, but Coach takes one of his hands and kisses his palm. They have matching wedding rings; they are made of a grey metal that’s not silver, with a band of sapphires and diamonds along the middle.

“Charlie and I are a team, Mel. You can trust him like you trust me, I promise.”

Charlie looks down at Coach with such heart eyes that it’s undeniable. They are most definitely a team.

“Okay,” I begin. “Um, so the reason it kicked off yesterday was because Mum found me doing something bad.”

“What’s that?” Coach asks gently, leaning back against Charlie.

“Her dealer told me I could help with Mum’s debt, which is huge,” I begin, “by spending time with him.” God, I hope they get what I’m trying to say. “I was trying to help but Mum found us and she got upset. Jealous.”

Coach tenses in his chair and grips Charlie’s hand, but his reaction makes me relax a little. He gets what I mean.

“Mel, when you say ‘spending time,’ do you mean ‘spending time’ in... the bedroom?”

“It was a couch, but uh, yeah, that’s what he wanted...”

***

Nick

Melissa Dean is my best Year 10. I know we’re not supposed to have favourites, but sometimes in teaching, you just can’t help it. She’s quiet in class but determined on the field, and unbelievably talented. She can play any position in rugby or football and ace it. I’d heard from the Pastoral Team at school that she had a turbulent home life, but I have no idea the extent of it until she turns up in my house a couple of days before Christmas as an emergency foster placement.

After she told us she what happened, she cried for a while, ate two bowls of soggy Coco Pops, two yoghurts and a banana, then fell asleep on the sofa next to Noah who stroked her short, dark dreadlocks like she was one of his cuddly toys.

“Oh my God, Char, what are we going to do?” I ask Charlie as if he’s got any more experience than me in this situation. He sits me down at the kitchen table, sits on my lap and starts to plan. My husband is practical and incredibly clever. He’s just incredible in every way to be honest.

“That depends on many things, love,” he murmurs, kissing my temple, “a lot of which we don’t know yet. All we know is that she was in danger yesterday. She couldn’t go home, and we were the first place on the emergency foster list to accept a fourteen-year-old girl.”

“I’m sorry I was still at the work Christmas do when you got the call,” I say, picking up my third mug of coffee this morning. “I called the Uber as soon as possible but—”

“No sorries, Nick, love. There was literally thirty minutes from us accepting, to them arriving here, and she went straight to sleep,” he replies. “What we can do for her right now is make sure she’s given all the care and love she needs. Doctor’s appointment as soon as possible, counselling... whatever she needs.”

“We can do that,” I tell him. “She’s such a good kid, Char. Works hard, plays fair... I want the world for her, you know.”

“I know, love, but you can’t get too attached to her, not yet, okay? We don’t know how long they’re going to let her stay here.”

“If they asked us to keep her longer, would you be okay with that?” I venture.

“Yes, of course,” he agrees instantly. “We just need to make sure we get lots of support around looking after a child who's been in this situation. She still hasn’t told us exactly what happened… you know, how far it went. What if she was... coerced?”

I feel sick at the thought.

“God, how does a parent create an environment where their child is taken advantage of like that, and then punish them for it?”

“This is the fourth time she’s been fostered since she was eleven, when her dad died,” Charlie murmurs. “The times before were when her mum overdosed.”

I try to sniff back a tear but Charlie catches it, and rubs it off my face.

“She must have had to grow up so fast, love,” I say through my sniffs. “I just want to protect her from everything.”

“This is why I think she adores you, Nick,” Char tells me. “You care so much, but she always knows where she stands with you.”

Charlie cups my face and leans in to touch our foreheads together. We’ve been together over six years now, and married for five, but he still makes my heart lurch in my chest when he holds my gaze.

Barking breaks up our gentle moment. Sure enough, we see our five dogs in the field, paws up on the fence, asking to come in. I put my coat back on to get them, while Charlie makes a start on feeding our little monsters.

Prima, Pax and Parvus are golden retrievers, a girl and two boys from the same litter that we rescued from a puppy mill, not long after we moved here. Prima is the smart girl-boss of the group for sure. Pax is sweet but mischievous, while Parvus is enormous and dopey. We also have two border collies – Glyko, a cuddly, brown-haired girl, and Ganymede, an energetic, sleek black and white boy. We got them last year from one of Priya and Jen’s neighbours in the Dales who had an unexpected litter.

We named our place Octavian Farm, because we got the keys in August, the eighth month, and our anniversary is 3rd August too. It’s a constant work in progress, but we love it. It’s within the city boundary for Leeds but there’s nothing but fields and trees around us. It’s close to York as well, although Charlie only goes onto campus two days a week, if that. He’s lightened his workload massively over the past few years. He doesn’t do any TV work anymore, just research and writing; we go on a trip in the summer, he writes a book in the autumn, and it comes out the following summer, just in time for us to go away again.

“Come on babies,” I say as I let them in. The goldens make a beeline for their breakfast, but Glyko and Ganymede whine and paw at the closed door to the small living room. “I know, I know, there’s a new person, but eat your food first, okay?” As if they know exactly what I said, they nudge my legs and go to their feeding stations.

The door opens then; Tori and Michael slink in, Wednesday around Tori’s shoulders.

“Who’s the fucker that lamped that little girl?” Tori seethes. “They got half her face.”

“Long story.” Charlie comes to my side and holds my hand. “It turns out that Mel is Nick’s best student.”

“What are the chances?” says Michael, going to the fridge for the orange juice. “How was she this morning?”

Char and I glance at each other and agree silently what we are and aren’t telling the family about Mel.

“Scared and hungry,” Charlie replies. “But she was so happy to see Nick.”

“Did she bring much stuff with her? That rugby top she’s wearing looks a hundred years old.”

“There’s a bin bag in her room but I’ve got no idea what’s in it,” Charlie says. “Oh God, we haven’t got any presents for her.”

“We can take care of that,” says Michael. “We’ll go to the Leeds Rhinos shop when we’re in town and get her a new jersey and couple of other things, and maybe some classic Christmas pressies, like socks, pyjamas and chocolate.”

“Could you get her some nice stationery too, Mikey?” I ask. “Whenever I see her in classes, she’s always got the cheap, plain supermarket exercise books and biros.”

“Colours?” asks Tori. “I hope she’s not into…” Tori shudders a little, “…pink.”

“Not pink, but I think she likes purple and blue,” replies Charlie. “She has a purple and grey rucksack with a blue butterfly charm on it.”

“Got it,” says Michael. “Shall we head out now, love? Beat the crowds?”

Tori nods and hands Wednesday to Charlie, grabs her coat and handbag, and strides out the back door, with Michael in tow.

“Thanks,” I tell them as they leave. “I’ll save you some pancakes.”

The dogs have finished their food now, and are starting to whine at the door to the small living room.

“No, babies,” Charlie tells them firmly. “She needs to sleep a bit longer.”

“I’ll go check on Mel and Noah.” I start to open the door. “Do you think it’s time to break out that good coffee Nathan and Youssef sent us, my love?”

“Yes, definitely!” He leans across and kisses my jaw.

Mel is still asleep, as is Noah, curled up next to her. The bruise on her face has grown and her cheek seems more sunken. My stomach flips over; Danny had this once, after a monstrous tackle during a match with Leeds Hunters; he ended up needing two lots of surgery.

I rush back to the kitchen, where Charlie is feeding Wednesday.

“Char, we need to take her to hospital. I think she’s got a badly fractured cheekbone. The bruising has gone into her eye and there’s a big dip in her cheek.”

Charlie is in my arms in a split-second.

“Okay, sweetheart,” he murmurs, holding me tight because he knows that’s what will keep me calm. “Go wake Olly and Hayley. I’ll call Bhavna and let them know we’re taking her back in.”

Before we separate to sort everything out, I take a moment to just take in the safe feeling of Charlie in my arms. He seems to do the same, nuzzling into my chest and taking a deep breath.

“I love you Char.”

“I love you so much, my beautiful, gentle Nick.”

***

Mel

I wake up to the sound of voices speaking in urgent but hushed tones outside the door to my room. It’s my second morning in the hospital, which means today is Christmas Day. I got rushed in because I had a ‘displaced zygomatic maxillary complex fracture’ and they operated on it urgently because my eyesight was at risk. They said I might need another operation so that I don’t get left with a wonky face.

“...You can’t possibly be serious.” It’s Coach Nelson-Spring's voice. “She’s fifteen next month and has Gillick competence, I’m sure. You just need to explain to her what has to happen and why.”

“How is it fair on Melissa to ask the person who caused the injury to consent to the second surgery?” I’m sure that’s Charlie.

“I-I... need to talk to my consultant,” says a reedy, whiny high voice. “Usually, we get the parents to consent.”

“Well, this is an unusual situation,” Coach almost growls, “and we will not let Melissa be subjected to any more trauma.”

“It’s Christmas Day,” Charlie says. “She only came to us three days ago and the Care Order hasn’t been sorted out. You can speak to the duty social work manager though. I think you need to.”

“Okay, I’ll be back soon.”

I hear footsteps.

“Fuck’s sake, Char,” Coach says, a bit quieter. “She shouldn’t have to go through this. She should be opening her presents and eating chocolate for breakfast. She could be having a go on the karaoke machine like Tilly always insists we all do.”

People do actually have Christmases like that then, like in movies? Mind blown.

“She should be playing in our Nelson-Spring Christmas rugby match.” Coach’s voice is all hoarse. He sounds tired. “She didn’t even get to meet the dogs and the chickens.”

“She will, my love,” Charlie tells him. “We’ll do a proper Christmas Day when we take her home, although I think rugby is going to have to wait until our Easter match. The surgeon said it would be at least three months before she can play contact sports.”

Wait, what? I’m going to be with them past Easter?

“That’s wishful thinking Char. What if she ends up just staying with us for two weeks and they send her to a different long-term placement?” Coach says, his voice quieter. “Or they send her back to her mum?”

“I’d like to see them fucking try.” Charlie’s voice is deeper now. “We’ll do whatever we have to, to have her stay with us.”

“Now who’s the one getting too attached, Char?”

“I know it’s too soon, but I don’t care. She’s an amazing girl, so strong, and she would be safe with us,” Charlie says. “And if we need to fight for that to happen, then we will.”

I think of how warm and lovely their home is, and a tear drips down my sore face. I’m torn. Without me, Mum will spiral even further into her drugs and debt. She, and I, have lost so much already because of it. But I’m so tired of being her carer and her punching bag. I want the fairytale Christmas. Just once. 

“Have I ever told you how much I love you, Charlie Nelson-Spring?”

Charlie giggles and it’s the most adorable sound ever. I get why Coach married him now.

“Hmm, maybe once or twice.”

--

The second surgery is actually pretty minor, and I’m allowed out of hospital two days later. Coach and Charlie talk to me about their mad, huge family, the dogs and the chickens and a bit about Charlie’s work. I Googled him and damn, he used to be pretty famous. There’s a lot of pictures of Charlie with Coach when they first got together and I even came across a fan site called ‘SpringWatch.’

“So we still have the family at the house,” Coach begins, once we’ve driven out of the hospital grounds. “You met Noah of course, and Tori and Michael, who dropped off some things for you yesterday, but there’s still quite a lot of people and we don’t want you to get overwhelmed.”

“Who’s the loudest?” I ask. “Can I meet them first?”

“Tilly,” Coach and Charlie say in unison, then look at each other and smile.

“She’s Nick’s cousin. Lovely, but very excitable,” Charlie adds.

“Not gonna lie, she’s a meddler and a menace, but she’s also very sweet,” Coach says. “Everyone else is fairly mellow.”

“What are we going to do today?”

“Just chill out,” Coach says. “Take the dogs for a walk, watch TV, chat and eat.”

“Can we watch Christmas movies, even though it’s not Christmas anymore?”

“We can do that,” Charlie says, turning from the front passenger seat to smile at me.

“And, Coach...?”

“Yeah?”

“I know I can’t play rugby but can we do some drills or something? I feel really restless after all that time cooped up.”

“Of course, Mel. We can do that after lunch,” he says. “Michael and a couple of the others will want a runaround too, if that’s okay.”

“Just keep it light though, Nick. We don’t want to be back in the hospital again before New Year’s.”

“Haha, no.”

The drive to the house takes about half an hour, and when I see it in the daylight, my mouth drops open. The farm is enormous. There’s the big farmhouse, another modern house which must be the guest building Charlie told me about, a huge garage and several sheds all stuck together. That must be where the chickens live. There are three fenced fields, including one set up as a rugby pitch.

Waiting for us on the doorstep of the big house is a woman who’s about my height, a few years younger than Coach and Charlie, with blonde hair that has green and red streaks in it. She’s wearing a dark green cord jumpsuit with a stripey red, green and white belt and socks, and has these mad green frog Crocs on her feet. She’s also very preggo.

“Hey,” she says with a wave when I step out of the car. “I’m Tilly.”

She’s rocking on her heels and kind of vibrating with energy, but she doesn’t move off the doorstep. Charlie must have told her to tone it down, but she’s clearly as bonkers as her froggy Crocs.

“I’m Mel. Nice Crocs.”

“Thanks! My wife says I’m nuts but they’re so comfy and fun!” She glances at Coach and Charlie. “Sorry, you’ll get used to me.”

I like her already.

“When’s your baby due?” I ask her. She opens the door and I follow her into the kitchen.

“In March,” she says, kicking off her Crocs and shoving her feet into elf slippers. “My twin brother’s wife is due in the same week. Just by complete coincidence. He says I’m copying him but he’s copying me for sure. Want a drink?”

“I really want tea but I have to have it lukewarm.”

“There’s a pot going already next door. That’ll be lukewarm, for sure. Are you allowed biscuits?”

“Nah, I can’t chew properly. Everything’s got to be, like baby food.”

Tilly grabs a mug from the draining board; she’s obviously very at home here.

“Ah, but you can have chocolate right? Aunty Sarah, that’s Nick’s mum, she’s brought two huge tubs of Lindor. They can just melt on your tongue.”

I turn around to look at Coach and Charlie to check.

“Of course you can have some, as long as we get some other food in you as well,” Charlie says. “I think you’ll be having a lot of mash and soup, honey.”

I shrug. I’ve had worse. A lot worse. Sometimes, there was no food at all.

I start to go into the living room, but Tilly’s at another door.

“That’s the small living room,” she says. “If you want a bit of quiet time, it’s all yours, and when you’re ready the rest of us are in here.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, it’s massive, this house.” She turns and winks at Coach and Charlie. “Take your time, Mel. Just come in when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready,” I say. I’d rather meet them all in one go than bump into them randomly over the next few hours.

“No pressure…” Charlie begins but I turn and give him my best ‘I’m sure’ look.

“Mel, if it gets too much…” Coach starts.

“OMG Coach, I know!” I clap my hand over my mouth and tears form in my eyes. My whole face feels like it’s on fire. “I’m sorry, Coach Nelson-Spring, I’m so sorry.”

I wait for the yelling to start but it doesn’t.

“Hey, hey, it’s all right, Mel, honey.” Coach comes over and gently puts his hands on my shoulders. “You don’t need to say sorry. You’ve been through a lot this week.”

“And Nick and Charlie are cluckier than their hens!” Tilly adds. She links arms with me and Coach lets go so I can go with her.

“I’m okay Coach, Charlie,” I tell him, and then go with Tilly.

“They fuss because they love with their whole heart,” Tilly whispers as she opens the door. “All of us do.”

“I get that,” I whisper back.

Tilly pushes the door open.

“Hey, fam, this is Mel.”

There’s so many of them, and they’re all so… smiley.  They wave and murmur ‘hi’ at me. I get now why Coach and Charlie were a bit apprehensive about me meeting them all at once..

“Mel, Mel, you’re back!” Noah runs over from where he was sitting with a taller, straight-haired version of Charlie, and a shorter, curvy honey-blonde woman with her hair in bunches. “Wanna play Legos with me?”

“Maybe in a while, bud,” I tell him and hold my hand up for a high-five. “Is that your mum and dad?”

“Yeah!”

He grabs my hand to take me over to them, and so the whirlwind starts.

***

Charlie

It’s no surprise that Mel is absolutely wiped out by eight o’clock. She’s done really well, spending a little bit of time meeting and chatting with our family, and then going into the small living room to watch TV, read or rest. She doesn’t ask to use the phone or use the laptop, and shakes her head when we offer. When everyone pitches in to make dinner, she quietly helps too.

Despite the fact that her lunch consists of lentil soup, mashed potato with pureed turkey and mushroom pie filling, and strawberry ice cream, Mel eats really well. We don’t have to remind her to rinse her mouth out afterwards to protect her stitches. Nick, Sahar and Michael show her out to the rugby field for a light set of drills, but only for ten minutes, because she gets tired quickly.

She has fallen asleep on the sofa in the large living room while we were all watching Elf, cuddling my old Kitty toy that Noah had brought downstairs. She’s wearing her new pyjamas that Tori and Michael bought her, fleecy purple with little white stars on them. When she opened the wrapping, she said thank you in a quiet voice, but couldn’t help but grin; she put them on straight away.

“Char, should we wake her up?” Nick asks. “She’ll wake up too early otherwise.”

“Nicky, baby, she’s fourteen,” states Sarah. “If she wakes up early, she’ll either turn over and go back to sleep or she’ll get up and amuse herself.”

Nick nods but I can feel his anxiety rippling through him, as he slides an arm around my waist and rests his head on my shoulder. He’s wanted to be a parent for so long and he’s terrified of getting it wrong.

We decided to foster while we waited to be approved for adoption. Over the past two years, we’ve had six kids stay before Mel; the shortest stay was just overnight, the longest was a week. All of them were under seven though, so a teenager is new for us.

We thought about using a surrogate to have a baby of our own, but adoption felt like the better fit for us. We have so much love and we want to give it to children already in the world who really need it. It’s not like we need to carry on Nelson or Spring genes; David and TJ have two girls and a boy, while Olly and Hayley have Noah, and are trying for another.

“I’m going to take her upstairs, love,” Nick says. “She needs to sleep properly, in bed.”

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll come with you.”

Nick ever-so-gently scoops her up. She’s a similar size to Tilly, so he easily carries her to her room. I pull the covers back and he lays her down, then we both drape the duvet over her. She mumbles something in her sleep and starts to stir, so Nick and I back out of her room.

“Wait,” she says, before opening the eye on her good side.

“Oh, honey, we didn’t mean to wake you. Go to sleep,” Nick tells her. “You’ve had a really busy day.”

“I will,” she says, “but can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” I reply. “Anything.”

“Did the social worker tell you about my baby brother and sister?"

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Chapter Fourteen: The Ones Who Completed Our Family: Part 2:

Mel

“Bloody traffic,” Nick mutters as we stop-start along the M1 on our way back from Loughborough. “Don’t people realise we need to get home?”

“I think everyone’s trying to get home, Nick,” I say, but I’m not sure he hears me as he’s wrinkling his nose and giving the Skoda in front of us a big stink-eye.

“We should have left earlier,” he continues. “It’s my fault for wanting a coffee before we set off.”

I look at the sea of cars, vans and lorries in front of us. The fifteen-minute detour to Costa wouldn’t have made any difference. Traffic at rush hour was inevitable.

“The kids, the animals and Charlie aren’t going anywhere,” I tell him. “We’ll be back by seven.”

“I know,” he sighs. “I’ve just missed them so much, honey.”

Nick never likes to be too far from home, and especially from Charlie. They both go a little nuts if they have longer than a day apart, particularly Nick, and we’ve been away for nearly two.

“Me too.”

I reach for the Pringles and shove a few in my mouth before tipping some on my hand for Nick to take. Despite his annoyance at the traffic, he gives me a warm smile as he takes the crisps from me.

“Thanks, Mel.” He drops a kiss on top of my head. “How are you feeling? It’s been a busy few days.”

How am I feeling? I’ve barely let myself think during this trip. I can’t get my hopes up because what if it doesn’t happen?

“Okay…” I murmur. “Fine.”

“You know I worry when I hear the word ‘fine,’ honey,” Nick replies. “Did you not like the team?”

I absolutely loved the team. Just like I loved Loughborough University when I applied. I couldn’t believe it when I got my offer to study Sports Science there.

But what if they didn’t love me? What if I’ve totally messed up my trial, and come September, I end up playing in a shit team with a bunch of novices? I won’t find out whether I get in until August.

“I did,” I tell him. “I just can’t let myself believe that’s where I could play next season.”

“I get that,” he says, “but—”

“But everyone else on the trial was bloody amazing,” I finish. “I know it doesn’t matter, because I’ll always be able to play somewhere, but to have the chance to play for Loughborough Lightning, a Premiership team…” I blow out a big breath. “I’m trying not to want it so much.”

“I think you need to want it even more, not less.” Nick copies me, blowing a breath out. “Pull out every spark and scrap of your competitiveness and drive, honey. Because you are good enough.”

He’s in Coach mode now; I can see it in the way he holds his jaw.

“You’re biased though,” I reply, but I can’t help but feel better at his unwavering faith in me.

“I’m unashamedly biased when it comes to you, Melly, but I also have twenty-five years of teaching and coaching experience. You set the wings alight in today’s match. I’ll show you the video later.”

--

The traffic clears after Sheffield, and we are home by 6.45pm. Nick parks the Polestar by the charging point, next to the Land Rover, which is covered in mud; Charlie must have taken the kids to the dig site today. Also on the driveway is my car, an old blue Qashqai that used to be Nick’s many years ago. He and Charlie gave it to me when I passed my test in the summer.

We grab the kit bags and our holdalls and haul them through the back door. The warmth of the farmhouse hits me instantly, followed by the delicious smell of sweet spices and vanilla from Charlie’s diffuser thing.

“Home,” Nick sighs, closing his eyes for a moment and smiling. “CHAR! We’re back!”

By the time we’ve kicked off our shoes and hung up our coats, the dogs have found us, followed by a small person in a Captain America onesie.

“Papa! Melly!” William’s cute voice gets drowned out by barking, especially by Glyko, the sappiest of the five dogs, winding her dark brown and white body around Nick’s legs.

“Baby boy!” Nick rubs Glyko’s head and does the same to the others, but then steps over all of them to scoop William into his arms. “I missed you so much!”

“We went to work with Dada!” William tells him. “Uncle Andy showed us how to look for treasure.”

“Oh wow, that must have been so much fun.”

“Papa, it was very important,” comes the reply with all the seriousness a four-year-old can muster. “We found an Olly.”

“I think you mean an olla, kiddo,” I say. If you spend any time at all with Charlie, he’ll talk your ear off about those little Roman pots. “That’s very good work.”

“Yeah!” He reaches his arms out and without taking him from Nick, I give him a cuddle and ruffle his curly, dark blond hair.

“Where is Dada, William?” Nick asks, kissing his cheek. “And Sebby?”

“Sebby is playing with his Legos that Noah gave him, and Dada is changing Penny’s nappy.”

“Oh, was it a stinky one?”

William giggles.

“Melly, it was so smelly!” He wrinkles his little nose up. 

“I should go find Dada and tell him that we’re back,” Nick says, putting William down and taking his little hand. He’s trying to sound nonchalant, but he’s absolutely desperate to see Charlie.

“Yeah, let’s find him,” I agree.

Nick, William and I head out of the kitchen, through the small living room and up the stairs, with all five dogs following behind, disgruntled that they didn’t get much attention. William gets distracted by Seb’s nursery rhymes playlist on the speaker, and goes into their room.

“Charlie? Char?” Nick calls.

“I’m in here,” comes Charlie’s gentle voice from the nursery.

He is sitting in the rocking chair when we come in, with Penelope in his arms. The room smells of baby wipes and lavender talcum powder. He beams when he sees Nick but puts a finger to his mouth. The dogs wait outside while we go in. They are not allowed into any of the bedrooms apart from Nick and Charlie’s.

“She’s about to drop off,” he murmurs. “Thank God, because she spent an hour screaming this afternoon after we got back from the site, and then graced me with not one, but two, poo-namis.”

“Oh Char,” Nick says. “What can I do?”

Charlie rubs the light brown fuzz on Penny’s head lightly with his thumb, then tilts his head up at Nick, who smiles and gives him a light kiss on the side of his mouth, before also stroking Penny’s hair.

“Order a takeaway and put William and Sebby to bed? I really, really need a shower.”

Charlie must be exhausted if he’s willing to have takeaway on a Thursday night. He’s had problems with an eating disorder in the past, and while he’s generally on top of it, he can get stressed about unfamiliar food.

“You got it, baby,” Nick whispers, and Charlie looks at him in surprise before grinning. They don’t call each other that often but when they do, it means that they’re about to get extra cuddly.

“Why don’t I put the boys to bed?” I suggest, to give them a few moments alone.

“Are you sure, Mel? You’ve had a long day,” Nick checks, but I wave his worry away.

“I want to,” I reply, and I mean it. “Can we get Chinese?”

“Of course, honey, thank you,” Charlie says, beaming at me. He opens his free arm and I kneel next to the rocking chair and let him wrap it around my shoulders. “I missed you so much, Melly. I can’t wait to hear all about your team trial.”

“I missed you too, Charlie.”

He kisses my cheek in response and then gives me his softest smile.

“Do you both want your usual?” Nick asks, opening up the app on his phone. “I’m also ordering extra spring rolls and salt and pepper chips.”

“Extra prawn crackers,” Charlie and I whisper in unison, then grin at each other. God, I love him, well, both of them, so much.

I leave them to finish settling Penny, and wander into the boys' room. William is sitting in his little armchair, looking at his Hungry Caterpillar book, while Seb is on the playmat, building towers out of his Lego.

“Hey boys, it’s time for bed.” Seb looks up with his huge brown eyes and I show him my watch. “Look Sebby, it’s nearly seven.” He gives me the puppy dog look. “Okay, ten minutes while I get William ready for bed, and then we can have one story, okay?”

Seb grins back at me and nods. He’s such a sweetheart, and we’re really going to miss him when he leaves in a few weeks. He’s been here since the end of October, nearly six months, because his mum suddenly became very poorly and has been in hospital, but she’s on the mend now. Sebby is six, on the autistic spectrum and mostly non-verbal, but very bright.

I help William into his pyjamas and check that he and Seb have brushed their teeth, then get them both into their beds. Seb passes me a book to read, but before I start, he takes my hand and puts it on his head. He had never met another mixed-race person like him before me, and was fascinated by my hair. When I’m doing bedtime, he likes it when I stroke his small, tight curls.

The boys are asleep within ten minutes. I turn on their nightlight, turn off the bedroom light, and quietly back out of their room. I assume that Nick and Charlie have gone back downstairs because the dogs are no longer on the landing, but when I tiptoe past the nursery, I see them.

They are standing by the window in the darkened room, kissing passionately. Charlie’s got one hand pressed against Nick’s chest and the other wrapped around his tie. Nick is cupping the back of Charlie’s head, tangling his fingers into his salt-and-pepper curls while drawing him close with an arm around his waist.

“Baby,” Nick whispers, glancing behind him briefly at Penny asleep in her crib. “I missed you so fucking much.”

“It was too long without you,” Charlie whispers back.

I decide that’s about as much parental display of affection as I can take, and head downstairs, but in the back of my mind, I hope and pray that one day I’ll have that kind of love in my life.

--

We are watching the video of my rugby trial with Loughborough Lightning in the small living room after dinner when we get the phone call.

Nick and Charlie are curled up together on the small sofa. Prima is stretched across their laps while Pax and Glyko lie underneath them. Ganymede is curled up in front of the fireplace. I’m stretched out on the long couch with Parvus sleeping alongside me.

“Look, Char! Look at that tackle!” Nick claps his hands together. “Honey, that was awesome, but if you face a player who’s much taller than you, you need to duck your shoulders more. Really attack their centre of gravity--”

It’s Charlie’s phone that starts to vibrate, buzzing against the windowsill.

“It’s Bhavna,” Charlie says.

When the social workers are calling at nine-thirty on a Friday night, it usually means they need an emergency foster placement. However, when Nick and Charlie adopted Penelope as a newborn at Christmas, they told Bhavna they couldn’t take any more emergency fosters on. A baby, along with fostering Seb and running after William, who they adopted when he was eighteen months old, is hard work. Not to mention me and my ups and downs. 

“Do you want me to take it?” Nick asks, and Charlie nods wearily, then passes Nick the phone. “Hey, Bhavna, it’s Nick. Charlie and Mel are with me.”

He puts the call on speakerphone.

“ Hi Nelson-Springs,” she says, “ I’m glad I’ve got all of you together. I have some news...”

“Bhavna, I’m so sorry, I don’t think we can take an emergency--”

“That’s not it, Nick,” she cuts in. “It’s about Jordan and Natasha.”

I gasp. My little brother and sister live in Manchester with their adopted parents, Anita and Graham. We’re due to see them next weekend; I go there or they come here once a month and several times during school holidays.

“What about them? What news?” God, please let them be okay.

“They were in a car accident. Anita and Graham had just picked them up from school and were taking them for pizza at the Trafford Centre as a treat.”

“Graham’s birthday,” said Charlie. “It’s tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” says Bhavna, her voice flat. “Their car was hit on the motorway by a drunk-driver speeding on the wrong side of the road.”

“Oh my God,” Nick exclaims, but I just collapse back against the sofa.

I can’t lose them. I’ve not had enough time with them.

“Are they...?”

“Miraculously, Jordan and Natasha are fine apart from some cuts and bruises, but Anita and Graham aren’t going to recover,” Bhavna tells us. “They were hit head-on at speed. They are being kept comfortable but it’s expected they’ll pass away overnight.”

“What’s going to happen to my brother and sister?” I ask. “They must be so scared.”

“They’re at the children’s hospital in Manchester. Their social worker is trying to find them somewhere to stay.”

“Can’t they stay here?” I cry, tears streaming down my face. I turn to Nick and Charlie, who are gripping each other’s hands. “At least for a few days? Please?”

They look at each other, having a silent conversation. They do this a lot and it’s usually cute, but right now it’s frustrating.

“Okay...” Charlie murmurs eventually. I start to get up, but he holds one hand up. “From tomorrow. They need to stay in the hospital tonight.”

“Of course we’re going to help,” Nick adds. “But the decision on where they stay long-term isn’t ours, honey.”

He emphasises the point because the first thing I asked when Bhavna tracked down Jordan and Natasha was whether they could come and live with me, Nick and Charlie. But it was too late; they’d already been adopted. I cried for hours that day, but when I saw how happy they were, safe and loved and nurtured, I did accept it; Anita and Graham quickly became like family to me. Since I was taken in by Nick and Charlie, they were very supportive of me visiting my siblings, and I’ve even stayed overnight there several times.

Jordan is eleven, and he’s going to be starting secondary school in September. He’s insanely clever and loves strategy games. He and Graham play everything from Battleships to chess to Go. Tashy is seven and loves girly stuff, which is Anita’s influence; she used to be a hair stylist and is the most glamorous old person I’ve ever met.

“Bhavna,” Nick says into the phone, “tell their social worker that Jordan and Natasha can stay with us.”

“Thanks so much,” Bhavna replies. “The only family they’ve got is Anita’s elderly sister in New Zealand.”

“Can you ask Jordan and Tashy’s social worker to call us in the morning when they know when the kids are getting discharged?” asks Charlie. “We’ll be up first thing with the baby.”

“Of course. And I’ll text you all the hospital info. Have a good evening.” And with that, Bhavna’s clicked off.

Before I have a chance to move, I’m surrounded by Nick, Charlie and the five dogs. I lean against Nick but sob into Charlie’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Melly,” Nick murmurs. “They’re going to be okay. We’ll get them in the morning and just have a chilled-out weekend.”

“But it’s your birthday, Charlie,” I realise. It was one of the reasons Nick was so keen to get home. “Everyone’s coming tomorrow for your party.”

“Well, everyone can come up another weekend,” Charlie says right back. He boops my nose. “Right now, you and your brother and sister are our priority.”

“I could look after them.” The idea comes to me in an instant. “I’m eighteen now. I don’t have to go to uni. I could…”

“Melissa, no,” Charlie cuts in. “Honey, you have an amazing future in front of you, and following your dreams will be better for Jordan and Tashy in the long run.”

“I just…” I reply through my tears. “How can I concentrate on anything else when their whole world has fallen apart?”

Charlie stares at Nick, speaking to him with his eyes again. A few moments ago I found it annoying but now it’s soothing and reassuring. It tells me that no matter how difficult it will be, they are going to fight for Jordan and Natasha to stay with us, just like they fought for me.

I cuddle into him, and behind me, Nick gives me a squish.

“Thanks Dada,” I whisper into Charlie’s ear. I feel his face move as he smiles. I turn back a little to Nick and say. “And thanks Papa.”

I don’t have to see his face to know Nick is melting.

***

Nick

A month after the funerals, Charlie and I are granted long-term foster care of Jordan and Natasha. Their grief was all-consuming at first, especially for little Tashy, who had no memory of living with anyone other than Anita and Graham.

Living full-time with her siblings has been difficult for Mel. She only had snapshots of their lives, their characters and their challenges before, and had a rose-tinted view of the reality. Every time Jordan ignores her or Tashy has a tantrum, Mel runs the gamut of emotions. The number one currently seems to be guilt; she is guilty that she doesn’t feel the same depth of grief for Anita and Graham, and that the arrival of her siblings has turned our household on its head.

In the middle of it all, we had to say goodbye to little Seb, who returned to live with his mum. William had seen a couple of foster children come and go before, but he missed Sebby acutely, and started getting up in the middle of the night to come into bed with us.

The May half term has begun, and Mel is now on study leave for her A-levels. Luckily she has aced all her modules and coursework so far, so she is still on course to get the grades for Loughborough, but her concentration and studying have taken a hit.

I wake up even earlier than usual, take my medication and then slip out quietly so I don’t wake Charlie and William, who are curled up together. After checking on the children, I go to let the dogs out, but to my surprise they aren’t in their room. I head out to the dog field, where Mel has the pups running after balls. She’s been up for a while because her braids are pinned into a neat bun; she is wearing fresh joggers and her favourite lilac Adidas hoodie.

“Good boy, Ganymede! Fetch it! No, Pax, that’s not yours! Come here!” Considering Mel had barely petted a dog before moving in with us, she has absolute command of our five. When she sees me coming over, she grins and throws me one of the light-up squeaky balls. “Glyko, look who it is! Yes, it’s Papa! What’s he got for you?”

We play with the dogs for another twenty minutes, but then Prima starts pawing at the gate, and the rest soon follow.

“Okay, pups, let’s go inside,” I say. “Nearly breakfast time.”

“Nick,” Mel murmurs, falling into step beside me. “I called Nana Sarah last night.”

I stop for a moment.

“You did?” My mum absolutely adores Mel; they chatter like they’re BFFs. “Just for a chat or…?”

“I asked her if she could come help us for the next couple of weeks.”

“Melly…”

“I need the support, even if you don’t, except you so do,” she says. “You’re always saying to ask for help, and so I’m asking. Nobody’s sleeping properly, Nick, and Charlie’s not eating very well.”

She’s right. Charlie’s been living on peanut butter, apples and salt and vinegar crisps for most of the past two weeks, and he’s losing weight. That can’t continue.

We feed the dogs, and then sit down at the kitchen table with our coffee.

“So what did Nana say when you called her?”

“She’s coming up this afternoon, and she’ll stay for as long as we need,” Mel replies, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie over her fingers and then picking up her coffee to take a sip. “There’s something else I need to tell you.”

“Oh wow, okay,” I begin. “Another surprise?”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“What is it?”

“I emailed Loughborough to defer the start of my course for a year.”

“WHAT?” I don’t mean to be loud but my voice makes the dogs look up from their breakfast. Parvus glares at me on their behalf and then he and the rest of the dogs return to eating.

“Just hear me out, okay?” she says, her sweet voice calm.

“All right,” I murmur. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I promise you that I am going to work my arse off to get the grades and that I am going to Loughborough next year,” she begins. “I’m going to throw myself into training both on the pitch and in the gym so that I ace my second trial with Lightning next year.”

“Mel…”

“Jordan and Tashy need me around for longer, and you do too,” she continues. “They will be going to new schools, and William will be starting school too. That’s a lot of change anyway, and for me to be gone as well? It’s too soon.”

The thing I hate is that Mel is making complete sense. Not to mention that Charlie and I have been dreading the prospect of her leaving us in September; we miss her even when she’s at a sleepover or on a school trip.

“You can’t just spend next year being a nanny to your brothers and sisters, Melly,” I say. “You’ll be bored out of your mind.”

“I have a plan for that too,” she replies with a gentle smile. “I texted Danny and James. The Badgers will need a part-time admin assistant for a few months when Katie has her baby, and the job is mine if I want it. I’m also going to join the women’s senior team next season which will take care of my training.”

“You’ve thought of everything,” I realise.

She nods gravely.

“I learned from the best,” she replies, reaching across to squeeze my hand.

“At the end of the day, honey, this is your choice, but I hate that you feel you have to make this sacrifice.”

“It’s no sacrifice to look after the ones you love, Papa,” she whispers. She rarely calls me that. It took six months for her to stop calling me Coach. “After all, it’s what you did for me.”

--

Mum turns up in the middle of abject chaos. William has decided he doesn’t want to be put down, crying whenever Charlie tries. Penny has already been through several nappies and vomited twice. Tashy has a full-on kicking and screaming tantrum every time anyone even gets close to the TV in case they try to turn off Horrible Histories. Meanwhile Jordan has retreated to his bedroom. He wanted to play chess or Go, but with William being a limpet, Charlie hasn’t been able to, and Mel is studying in the guest house. I offered instead, but Jordan always beats me too easily, so he declined.

“Sarah,” Charlie murmurs when he opens the door one-handed, before I can do it for him. “Welcome to Crazy-town!”

“Looks like I got here just in time,” she says, kissing him, then William, then me on the cheek. “Right, tea first, then we can get everything spit-spot.”

“Should I call you Mum or Mary Poppins?” I joke, leading the way to the kitchen. “Seriously, though, thanks for coming.”

“You should have called me sooner, baby,” she says, instantly finding the tea things. “It’s not like I’m doing anything more important.”

“We just didn’t want to burden you, Sarah,” Charlie explains. “It’s our responsibility.”

“Darling boys,” she replies, “it takes a village to raise children, and I’m part of your village. I’m the bloody High Priestess!”

We all laugh and I finally relax a little.

“Thanks Mum.”

We make tea and William allows Mum to take him from Charlie, which in turn lets me put two pieces of toast with peanut butter and a raspberry yoghurt in front of my poor husband. He hasn’t eaten in twenty-four hours. He eyes it warily but then blows out a long sigh and takes a bite of the toast.

“Right, you two,” Mum begins after Charlie’s finished his food. “Tell me everything.”

And so we talk and talk. In turn, Mum helps us plan the next two months until the school term ends, and look into getting grief counselling for Jordan and Natasha. Then we sort out how we are going to manage looking after the children on our summer trip to the South of France. Charlie is going to be running a set of excavations for TRACES, a lab based at the University of Toulouse, and researching Roman influences on modern French culture.

“Sarah, we can’t ask you to give up your trip to Scotland,” Charlie says. “You only see Angus a handful of times a year as it is.”

Mum and her partner Angus spend most of the year apart, but every July she goes to Scotland, and he spends January in Kent. They meet in the middle at our farm a few times during the year as well, so Angus has met the kids except for Jordan and Natasha. It’s an odd arrangement but it’s worked for them the past ten years.

“Angus will come with me,” she says. “As long as we don’t fly, he doesn’t mind the travel.”

“If you’re sure—”

The baby monitor flashes then, followed by the sound of Penny grumbling. I start to get up, but Charlie puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll go, love,” he murmurs, caressing the side of my face with his hand. God, I miss that. We’ve hardly had any intimate time these past few weeks. “I’ll check on the others while I’m up.”

His light touch sets me alight and before he goes, I pull him in for a short but deep kiss. He doesn’t say anything when we break apart. He doesn’t need to. I know he misses me too.

“Wow, you two really need some alone-time,” Mum observes when Charlie heads out of the room. “Mel and I are going to take care of the kids tonight while you escape to the guest house.”

“But…”

“But nothing, Nicholas,” Mum says in her most Mum-voice. “You and Charlie will burn out if you don’t look after yourselves and you both have reasons to take extra care of your mental health.”

“I know,” I mumble, feeling like a teenager again. “I do think if Charlie and I can get a night to ourselves even once a month or so, we’ll make it through this first year.”

“But both of you also need some adult socialising. When was the last time you played a rugby match, baby? When did Charlie go to one of his Roman reading club things with Andy?”

“Not since Jordan and Tashy came to live with us,” I admit. “It’s been hard to get away, especially this past few weeks.” I glance into the large living room, where William has finally settled by himself, and is sitting on one of the dog beanbags we have all over the house, playing on his iPad, Glyko by his feet.

“I thought so,” she replies after taking a big slurp of her tea. “And you never celebrated Charlie’s birthday, did you?”

“No, that was the weekend we got Jordan and Tashy.”

“So we are celebrating tonight,” she tells me. “I’ve contacted all of Charlie’s friends and yours too.”

“What?” I feel my heart rate raise. “How do you have our friends’ numbers?”

“Relax, Nicky. She pats my arm. “I’ve had all your friends’ details since your wedding, to make sure nobody got lost in Edinburgh, remember.”

I can’t help but smile a little at the memory of our wedding. It was exactly one year to the day of our reunion, 3rd August, and because we reconnected in Edinburgh, that was where we decided to get married. We held the wedding at The Balmoral Hotel, where Charlie and I met that day, but because of the Edinburgh Festival, none of our family or friends could stay there. They ended up in hotels all over the city, with Mum and Tilly coordinating. It was an amazing weekend though, despite the logistical nightmare.

“Mum, we can’t cope with everyone descending. It’s too soon.”

 “You should note that I didn’t say that your friends were coming here,” she points out.

“Then how…?”

“Ever heard of this thing called Zoom?”

***

Charlie

Having Sarah here is like a soothing balm over all of us. Tashy takes to her instantly, especially when Sarah offers to do her hair and makeup. After Tashy’s makeover, she and William start to play together, and that allows both Nick and me time with Jordan, who starts to open up a little more. Penny seems to pick up on the better energy in the house and reverts to her usual napping and feeding routine.

By the time my pandemic-style Zoom birthday party rolls round, Nick and I are tired but happy. He’s less fidgety and distracted, and I manage to eat three meals and two snacks.

At nine o’clock, after getting Penny, William and Tashy to bed, we start the Zoom call. Jordan asks to stay for the beginning part of the Zoom. Nick and I can’t help but enthusiastically agree; we realise this is a good way for him to see us as people, rather than just Mel’s dads who have taken him in.

My parents are the first to show up, and I’m grateful for their punctuality because it means they can meet Jordan without anyone else. He’s shy at first but when Dad mentions that he and Mum play card games with their friends, Jordan smiles and asks what games they play.

Tilly and Sahar are next, calling in from their East London maisonette. Their son Jam (that’s his whole name) is asleep across Tilly’s lap. Sahar is still my agent, although I don’t need much from her these days, and she has fewer clients because she is head of her department. Tilly on the other hand no longer teaches; she retrained to be a hospital play therapist.

Leo and Asma tell us about their recent move to Athens. Leo got a great job with one of the Greek shipping companies, and as Asma teaches and translates Arabic online, it was easy for them to go. Their three year old daughter Layla is settling into a nursery, and they tell us that they are expecting another baby in the autumn.

Tao and Elle are currently away in New York, where Tao has been helping to film a documentary about off-Broadway productions, but they live near Elle’s gallery in central London. They are staying with Tara and Darcy, who moved to New York three years ago. Tara works as a choreographer now, while Darcy runs her own boutique PR agency.

The rugby gang call in from The Sett, as they have been at practice tonight. Danny and James now run the Badgers. They raise their pints to me, and chatter about how thrilled they are that Mel is going to be working there part-time next season.

Nathan and Youssef are on the rooftop of Riad Iris where we can see all the twinkling lights of Marrakech behind them. They are keen for us to bring the whole family next year. Jordan, whose only international travel has been to Ireland, is mesmerised. When Youssef talks about his chess club at Jardin Majorelle, his deep, dark brown eyes light up even more.

Priya and Jen, who are semi-retired, give us a wonderful gift: Date Day. They are going to come over one Wednesday a month to provide four hours of childcare for Penny and William while the older children are at school. I look at Nick and his cheeks turn pink; I know exactly what we’ll be doing on Date Days for the foreseeable future.

Tori and Michael join later, as most of the rest of our friends are signing off. Jordan has gone to bed so they don’t get to meet him, but they promise to come up with Wednesday and their new cat Salem as soon as he and Tashy are settled in better.

Just as we’re thinking of signing off, Olly and Hayley jump on looking harangued. After Noah, they went on to have twin girls, Erin and Maya, who are now two and a half. They explain that all three kids picked up a vomiting bug at a soft play birthday party and they’re exhausted. They are very grateful when we say we’re planning on going to bed soon.

“Right, off to the guest house with you,” Sarah insists when the call is over and we have turned the TV off. “Give me that baby monitor.”

“Mum, are you sure…” Nick gets the Sarah Nelson Stare™ and smiles and nods.

“Okay then, see you in the morning,” I say, kissing both Sarah and Mel on the cheek.

“Good night, Dada,” Mel murmurs, then gives me a tiny wink. “‘Sleep’ well.”

I should be embarrassed that my eighteen year old daughter knows exactly what I and her father are going to be doing tonight, but I’m so delighted at the prospect of alone-time with Nick that it washes over me.

--

The guest house feels almost too silent after the noise and chaos of the main house. Not that I’m complaining.

“How is it,” Nick begins as he climbs into bed, “that in our pursuit of the quiet life, we have inadvertently created one full of drama and chaos?”

“God, I know,” I sigh, rolling over to rest my head against his thick, hard chest. “But we’ll get there in the end, my love. We will.”

I smooth my hand over his pecs, and he lets out a rumbly purr. When I lightly scratch through his auburn and silver chest hair and tease his nipple, the rumbly purr turns into a little growl.

“Char?”

“Yeah?” My hand reaches his soft abdomen. He hates his slight middle-aged paunch, but I love it. It’s warm and comfy; I adore the way it yields under my fingertips. Falling asleep against it is better than any pillow.

“Are you sure you want to… baby?”

I’m exhausted after carrying William around for half the day and then spending hours playing Go with Jordan, all the while with Tashy yelling in the background. But right now, being fucked into tomorrow by my husband’s long, thick cock is the only thing I want.

“God, yes.”

I look up at Nick’s handsome, stubbled face. His temples and beard have flecks of silver-grey in them but he’s still very much the auburn rugby hunk I married nearly nine years ago. He strokes the side of my face, then slips his hand over the small of my back before nudging me fully on top of him.

After we take off our nightwear, we spend a long time just kissing, stroking, touching and squeezing, relishing the fact that we’re not going to be disturbed. After almost a decade together we know just how to tease out all the wisps of pleasure within each other’s bodies, but sex never feels mundane. When my semi grows into a full hardness, I roll it against that soft tummy and feel downwards; his cock is ready too.

I reach into the small pouch of supplies we have brought with us into the guest house.

“Condom or no?” I ask, holding one up.

“Yeah, please. I’m not going to last that long without it.”

“Are you that keyed up, love?”

“Yes. I really missed you, Char,” he replies, rolling me over onto my back and taking the lube and condom from me. “It’s been so long.”

“Sweetheart, I know,” I tell him. “Come here.” I hold my arms open, and he falls into them, then rests his head against my chest.

We’ve always been a nauseatingly clingy couple, but since Penelope arrived, we’ve had to divide and conquer to keep on top of parenting. That’s been doubly the case since Jordan and Tashy arrived. Even with Nick being on adoption leave this year, it’s been a challenge and our intimate time has reduced. Cuddling on the sofa in the evenings is about as much as we can manage, especially in the past month.

Nick lubes up his fingers and moves down my body to open me up. He somehow manages to be gentle yet firm. He is soon thrusting three thick digits in and out of me while licking the precum dripping out of my tip.

“Are you ready for my cock, Char?” he whispers. “I can’t wait to be inside you.”

“I’m ready, love,” I tell him. “Fill me up.”

He turns me onto my side, and then lines up behind me. This is the position he chooses when he wants to go slow, take his time. And he does, inching inside as he wraps his lower arm over my chest, and holds onto my hip with the other hand. When he bottoms out, he holds there for a second and then lavishes my neck with kisses.

“Love of my life, do you know that you drive me as crazy now as you did when we first got together?”

“Nick...” I lace my fingers through the hand he is bracing my hip with. “ Amor meus et desiderium aeternum, cor meum.” (My love and desire for you is eternal, my heart.)

“Bringing out the Latin arsenal, Char?” he laughs softly. “Deux peuvent jouer à ce jeu, mon amour.” ( Two can play that game, my love.)

With that he slides out and pushes back into me, just a little harder, but fast enough to tease my prostate and I cry out, louder than I anticipated.

“Damn it,” I murmur, worrying I would wake the kids up, but then I remember where we are and laugh. “Sorry, I forgot!”

“Me too for a sec!” Nick replies with a laugh. “I wish I had the energy to really pound you into next week. The kind of fuck that leaves us both feeling like we’ve got no bones after.”

“We’ll save that for next time, love,” I tell him, gripping the arm he has around my chest with both my hands. “Date Day.”

“Hell, yes,” he groans, slowly moving in and out of me. “And vice-versa.”

“Oh yes. You need a good pounding too, sweetheart,” I tell him. “Tip me onto my front, love. You feel so good.”

“Fucking hell, Char, I love you.” I feel him shiver behind me. “Okay, baby. Do you want me to pull out?”

“No!” I clutch harder onto his arm and tilt us both forward. With a scramble, we manage to reposition ourselves without Nick coming out of me. He takes hold of my cock after a minute, and tugs it in time to his thrusts, and a minute after that, he, then I, fall apart.

We catch our breaths together for a few moments, then clean up and return to bed. Nick drapes himself across my chest and then lifts his head and smiles.

“We’re going to be all right, aren’t we, love?” he whispers. “And the kids too?”

I think of our large, messy, scrappy family. It’s difficult right now, but I have faith in us, in all of us. After all, we managed to help Melissa blossom from a scared, fragile child to a determined, resilient young woman. I’m not thrilled about her decision to defer her place at Loughborough, but I’m proud of her for standing up for what she believes in. And I can’t help but be delighted that she’s going to be with us at home for another year.

“Yes, I think we’re going to be all right, sweetheart.”

-cXc-

Chapter Text

Future Take: The One-Eighty

“Right, is everyone ready?”

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m not sitting comfy!

“Dada, Papa, why’s Melly on TV?”

“Glyko, you soft old thing, get off!”

“Come on kids, settle down!”

“We’re good, Papa.”

“Okay, I’m pressing ‘play’ in three, two, one...”

--

Aled Last: Hello everyone, my name is Aled Last and welcome to The One-Eighty! In this series we speak in-depth to stars of stage, screen, sports, music and media about a turning point in their lives: their ‘180 degree’ moment.

Today, it gives me great pleasure to welcome Melissa Nelson-Spring. At just twenty-five, Mel already has twenty England Rugby caps with the Red Roses, and is playing her fifth season with Loughborough Lightning, winners of the Allianz Womens’ Premiership Cup for the past three years. After setting up the Red Roses to score one of the most spectacular conversions in recent times during last year’s Rugby World Cup, Mel was deservedly the winner of BBC Sports Personality of the Year this Christmas. When she isn’t playing rugby, Mel is studying for a Masters in Sports and Exercise Psychology at her alma mater, Loughborough.

Mel, welcome to The One-Eighty!

--

“Oh my God, Mel, you look gorgeous, honey. I know I said it at the time, but that lavender jumpsuit makes you look like a model.”

“You say that whenever I wear anything other than rugby kit, though, Dada.”

“You look great in rugby kit too!”

“Thanks Papa.”

--

Melissa Nelson-Spring: Thanks Uncle Aled! Oops...

AL: Mel has just highlighted something I ought to share with the viewers... Do you want to do the honours?

MNS: You mean the fact that you are super-close friends with my dads? One of my honorary uncles?

AL: Yep.

MNS: And in fact, the reason they got together is because of one of your podcasts?

AL: For those of you that don’t know, Mel’s dads are Nick and Charlie Nelson-Spring, and they were childhood sweethearts who lost touch. They got together again after Charlie, then a well-known TV presenter, appeared on one of my podcasts from the Twenty-Twenties, ‘The One That Got Away.’

MNS: It’s possibly the most stupidly romantic story of all time.

AL: Like your dads. Stupidly romantic. Nauseatingly so.

MNS: Oh God, yes!

--

“ Hey! We’re not that bad.”

“Yeah you are, Papa. No room is safe!”

“We could say that about you and Billie, Jord. Talk about tongue tornado. Ick!”

“Tashy!”

“Jordy and Billie sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Did you have to teach Penny that rhyme, Will?”

“Gotta get my kicks from somewhere, bro.”

“Well, I have no shame whatsoever showing your Papa how much I love him.”

“Thanks Char.”

“Okay, enough with the mush! I want to watch our big sister slay on TV.”

“Aww, you’re a sweetheart when you’re not trying to steal my clothes, Tashy.”

“What’s the point in having a big sister if you can’t borrow their wardrobe once in a while?”

“Hmm... I’ll remind you of that when Penny’s stealing those pink cord dungarees you love so much!”

--

AL: We’re actually filming this from your dads’ home in Yorkshire.

MNS: Yes, because between my Red Roses schedule and Lightning’s fixtures, I get far too little time with my family these days.

AL: You live in Loughborough during the season but otherwise you are usually found up here.

MNS: Yes. I come back as often as I can to see my dads, my brothers and my sisters.

AL: In case our viewers haven’t looked you up on Wikipedia by now, tell us about your parents and your siblings.

<Mel smiles softly.>

MNS: We’ve already mentioned my dads. Nick, my Papa, is a rugby coach and head of PE at a secondary school in North Leeds. Charlie, Dada, is an archaeologist and anthropologist at the University of York, and he’s also a writer. He's written over twenty-five books on ancient worlds, and as you said, many years ago he used to be a very well-known TV presenter.

AL: And your brothers and sisters? You’re the eldest, aren’t you?

MNS: Yes. There’s me, there’s my brother Jordan who is nearly eighteen, and is starting at Cambridge soon to read maths. Then there’s Natasha. Tashy’s fourteen. Jordan and Tashy are my biological half-siblings. Then there’s Will, who’s eleven, and Penny who is seven. They were adopted when they were babies.

AL: How old were you when you moved in with Nick and Charlie?

MNS: I was fourteen, and up until that point, I thought happy homes were a fairytale. That they only existed on TV.

--

“Papa, why do you always cry when Melly talks about coming to live with you? It was a good thing, right?”

“Yes it was, my little magic Penny. They are happy tears, but also sad because someone hurt Melly before that.”

“They hurt you, Melly?”

“It’s okay, Penny. Papa and Dada rescued me and made me all better... oof!”

“I wanna hug you, Melly!”

“Okay, little Pen-Pen. Bring it here.”

--

AL: How did your fostering, and subsequent adoption, come about?

MNS: My mother had problems with drugs. She had me at seventeen, and then developed a cocaine habit. My dad, my biological dad, left her but I used to see him all the time; they had shared custody. He wasn’t great himself as he had alcohol problems.

AL: Things weren’t great, but they were stable. And then what happened?

MNS: My mum met another partner and had two more children, my brother Jordan and my sister Natasha. But then he left, and she spiralled. Her drug use was out of control. My brother and sister were taken into care and at first, they were adopted by a lovely couple called Anita and Graham.

AL: How old were Jordan and Natasha when Anita and Graham passed away? 

MNS: Seven and eleven. My dads were exhausted because Penny was a baby and William had the energy of three toddlers, but they didn’t hesitate to have my siblings come live with us.

--

“ Oh Jordy, Mummy and Daddy.”

“I know, sis. They were amazing.”

“Are you guys okay? Do you want us to pause it? Do you need a few minutes?”

“No, it’s okay, Dada. We’re okay, aren’t we Tash?”

“Yeah.”

--

AL: Why weren’t you taken into care with your siblings? How old were you?

MNS: I was eleven when they were taken, but because I could go live with my dad, I didn’t go with them.

AL: Then your biological dad passed away.

MNS: He died of alcoholic liver failure just before I turned twelve. So I returned to my mother.

AL: Social services were okay with that?

MNS: They seemed to be. I’d get fostered short-term when my mother ODd, then return to her a few days or weeks later.

AL: Things escalated one night when you were fourteen. You’ve decided not to share the details but safe to say, you couldn’t go back to your mum.

MNS: No. I was placed in emergency foster care that night.

AL: With Nick and Charlie.

MNS: Yep. My One-Eighty moment.

AL: You didn’t know Charlie but you did know Nick. How?

MNS: He was my school rugby coach. When I saw him for the first time after I’d been dropped off at their house, I burst into tears.

AL: Why?

MNS: Because I was safe. I barely trusted any adults at that point. But he was someone I knew I could count on.

AL: How did you know that?

MNS: Because Coach Nelson-Spring fought for us every single day on the pitch. He was and still is, the most enthusiastic, positive and yet strategic coach I’ve ever had. And he showed up for all my school teammates every lesson.

AL: What about Charlie? What were your first impressions of him?

MNS: That he had kind eyes. The softest, sweetest, kind eyes. I trusted him from the beginning, even though I was cynical about the trust I had in him at first. I got over that pretty quickly though.

<Picture montage of Mel age 14, first photos with Nick and Charlie, playing rugby at school, Year 11 prom, passing her driving test, Penny’s first Christmas, summer trip to France after Jordan and Natasha joined the family, Mel’s first Lightning match, graduation from Loughborough, first England cap. Winning BBC Sports Personality of the Year – being embraced by the whole family. >

AL: Now, I remember your arrival well, because it was Christmas, wasn’t it? We were all coming up for New Year’s Eve when Nick and Charlie called us to say the party was off.

MNS: Sorry for ruining your social life(!)

<Mel plays with her silver charm bracelet.>

AL: We made up for it when we celebrated the day Nick and Charlie officially adopted you, honey.

MNS: ‘Honey?’ Wow, Uncle Al, you are really playing the embarrassing uncle card there.

AL: Sorry. ‘Honey’ is what your dads and now all us oldies call you though.

MNS: It’s Charlie’s fault. He started it because Melissa means ‘honey’ in Greek.

--

“I couldn’t help it! The nickname just spilled out. I think it’s because you were just the sweetest thing, Melly.”

“God, Dada, saccharine alert!”

“Says you, William, who speaks to Glyko and Ganymede like they’re babies, even though they’re three years older than you.”

“Like you don’t spoil the pups rotten, Jord.”

“Speaking of pups, has anyone checked on the whelping box?”

“I did, Papa.”

“Me too! I helped.”

“You helped really well, Pen-Pen. Pepe is being a good husband to Paloma, who is fine. No sign of any puppies.”

“Thanks Tashy. I guess it’s a good thing there’s no puppies tonight or it’d make catching our flight tomorrow tricky, but I was hoping we might see them before we leave.”

“Papa, Dada, who will look after the doggies and the new puppies while we’re away?”

“Aunty Priya and Aunty Jen are coming to look after the farm tomorrow morning, Penny.”

“It’ll be nice to have a house full of goldies again... it’s okay, I’m fine, Char. I just miss our original three.”

“We all do, my love.”

“Did you really think I was that sweet, Dada?”

“God, yes, Mel. I just wanted to protect you from everything.”

“Even when I went through that phase sneaking out past curfew and screaming at you for no reason?”

“Yeah... Well, we realised pretty quickly that if you didn’t care, if you didn’t feel safe, you’d have just not spoken to us, or run away. Even though being yelled at by your teenage daughter at 3am isn’t nice, I’d rather you did that than not speak to me.”

“I’m still sorry about that, though.”

“It’s okay, honey. You are long, long forgiven.”

--

MNS: That was quite a party. You bought me this bracelet as an Adoption Day gift.

AL: Not just me, but all of Nick and Charlie’s closest friends pitched in. That’s why it has so many charms.

MNS: It’s still my favourite. I wear it almost every day when I’m not playing or training.

<Mel takes a sip of water and smiles at her bracelet.>

AL: You recently moved in with your partner Tyler. How’s that going?

MNS: Still like the gossip, don’t you Aled?

AL: Absolutely!

MNS: Haha, some things never change. But to answer your question, so far, so good. It’s been three months and they’re getting used to being away from Yorkshire.

AL: How did you meet?

MNS: In my gap year. They joined the Badgers, Papa’s rugby team. I was working for the team at the time so I was handling their subscription payment, and we just got chatting.

<Smiles at Tyler who is standing behind the camera with Nick and Charlie, watching. They go red when they realise they are being filmed.>

MNS:  I always thought they were the most beautiful person but out of my league so I never made a move. We were friends for two years, then one day they came down to Loughborough to watch me play and we finally admitted our feelings were mutual.

AL: How did Nick and Charlie react to their daughter coming home all loved up? Safe to say, they are the two of the most overprotective dads on the planet.

MNS: Papa rolled his eyes and gave Dada a fifty quid note. Apparently they made a bet when I first introduced Tyler to them. Ty’s doted on by them as much as the rest of my siblings now..

<Shout from Tyler: ‘I think they love me more!’>

MNS: Nope! I’m their first child! 

<Nick and Charlie blow Mel kisses.>

AL: Do you think you’ll move back to Yorkshire?

MNS: Tyler and I would love to in time, but I want to continue my rugby career for as long as I’m able, and that might mean moving from Loughborough to elsewhere in the country, or even going international. Luckily Tyler’s able to work remotely in their finance job so they can move with me.

  AL: What do you do as a family when you’re back in Leeds?

MNS: We’re pretty quiet, to be honest. Some would call us boring, but we just like to be together. Papa likes to cook so we help him in the kitchen, or we help Dada with his research, looking stuff up in the textbooks or online. That’s pretty dorky, I know, but we love it. We raise and train our dogs, look after the chickens, play board games or video games, mess around on Dada’s drums... I just love being with my family and Tyler.

AL: It sounds chaotic but kind of idyllic.

MNS: That’s the perfect way to describe it. Even though we’re at Loughborough during the season, my parents’ farm is always home.

AL: Melissa Nelson-Spring, thank you for talking to me today about yourself, your family and your One-Eighty moment.

MNS: Thank you.

–

Nick

“OMG Melly, that was a great interview.” 

Tashy is the first one to speak, bouncing in her seat which sends her dark brown and copper box braids all over her shoulders.

“Thanks, sis,” Mel replies, grinning. 

“It really was, darling,” Tyler murmurs, picking up one of Mel’s violet Havana Twists between their fingers and rolling it gently. “I think your agent’s going to have even more appearance offers in their inbox when One-Eighty is released.”

“Maybe.” Mel cuddles against Tyler, who wraps a strong, pale arm around her. 

“Seriously, Melly,” says Jordan, getting up and stretching. “It was grand.” He turns to me and Charlie. “Dads, do you mind if I go round Billie’s for a while? I want to see her once more before we leave for Menorca.”

“We’re only away two weeks, Jord,” replies William, standing up too. He’s getting so big. He’s up to Charlie’s shoulder now. 

“You’ll get it one day, Will,” Jordan shoots back. “Please Dads?”

“Yes, but back by midnight, please, Jordy,” replies Charlie, curling into my side. “We’re leaving at eleven am tomorrow and I know for a fact you’ve got more to pack.”

“I promise, Dada,” Jordan replies, striding across the room in two steps and dropping a kiss on Charlie’s then my head, before disappearing.

“I’m going to bed,” William announces, picking up his battered copy of Lord of the Rings; it used to be Isaac’s. Will and his godfather share the same affinity for books. “Come on Penny.”

“Don’t wanna. Too early,” she mumbles, always resisting bedtime, even though she is already half-asleep against Glyko on one of the beanbags, her caramel-coloured hair spilling over our elderly border collie’s snout.

Charlie starts to get up but Tashy waves him down.

“I’ve got it,” she tells us. “I’m gonna FaceTime Lydia after,” she adds. “She wants to see my new braids.”

“Phone off by eleven please, angel,” I remind her. She nods. For all her cheekiness, Tashy is the one who is the best with rules and boundaries, because Anita and Graham were so good at it. 

“Come on, Pen-Pen,” she says, nudging her sister’s arm. “We can read that book Aunty Tori got you.”

“Okay,” Penelope murmurs, and allows Tashy to help her off the beanbag. She, Will and Tashy disappear up the stairs.

“We’re going to head over to the guest house, Dads,” says Mel once they’ve gone. “I think we need to repack the suitcases.”

“That’s my fault,” says Tyler, flipping their blond waves over their shoulder as they stand up. “I just can’t pack light.”

“It’s okay, love,” Mel tells them. “We’ll sort it.” She turns to Charlie and me. “I’ll check on Pepe and Paloma on the way out.”

“Thanks, honey,” I murmur, holding my arms out. 

“Goodnight Papa,” she whispers, and giggles when I hug her. “Goodnight, Dada.”

“Goodnight, love.” Charlie kisses her cheek.

We hug Tyler too, and then they are gone, leaving Charlie and me alone in the little living room.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Charlie murmurs. Glyko and Ganymede amble over too and climb on the small sofa with us. We have to help them up as they’re a little arthritic these days. 

“I’m good,” I reply, kissing my gorgeous husband’s temple. “Bursting with pride, that’s all.”

“God, me too,” he tells me, curling against my side and laying his head on my chest. “With all of them really. I still can’t believe this is our life.”

I sigh as the contentment runs through my bones.

“Neither can I, Char. Neither can I.”

fin