Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

toya can we like. go to italy? i want to visit the effiel tower” akito asked wbile stuffing his face with the pancakes ken madw

“before we go can u like stop eating those pancakes u fatass” an snatched the pancakes from him, shocking akito. “The hell an give me back my goddamn pancakes you Bitch” akito snatched her wig off “AKITO YOU FAG” an also snatched akitos wig as they fought

“guys stop!!!” kohane shouted, an immediately stopped and embraced kohane “omg kohane ur here my sweethoneybabycakes!!” she said kissign kohane repeatedly “an!!!😳😳” kohane blushed and giggled and
returned tje kisses

“u guys are the real fags here You gayasses” akito says “akito…. u cant say that” toya tells akito “I’m sorry Tōya. I’ll never do that again, I hope you’ll forgive me” akito says as the fag he is

“thanks akito😊 also yhe effiel tower is in france not in italy” toya corrected “what the hell really??? i thought it was in fuckin italy wdym” akito shcokily says

“.MWHAT THE FUCK THE EFFIEL TOWER IS IN FRANCE??? NOT ITALY??” an says!!!

“ok we should go now” toya grabs that fuckin portal thing from that portal game (yk? that portal gun shit that opens portals)

he shoots the portal glock and the portal glock opens a portal into italy “oops” toya changes it to paris, italy and they enter the portal

“holy shit This is paries!!!” an says in awe “wait guys… isn’t that hitler..?” kohane pointed.. it was no doubt about it, it was hitler! that signature beard.. no one could mistake it

“Holy fucking shit it’s the communist dude or something, i don’t know i never paid attention to history class..” akitos mouth gaped (idk what the fuck gape means i just used it bcz people do)

“don’t worry akito, i’ll protect you.” toya guards akito like his little discord kitten “t-t-t-toya!!” akito blushed, stuttering his words

“Heh, so you know me huh😈😈” hitler Says evilly “HELL YEAH WE DO!! pull up hoe i am READY to fight” an says going into her fighting pose.

“bet….” hitler says going to his super saiyan form.

“Oh shit he has super saiyan.” An says, but she’ll never back down from a fight!

“hey, we’ll fight this together.. that’s what friends r for 🙂” toya says “ugh that’s so hot!!” akito blushes “Toya!” kohane and an shout it unison, grateful.

The fight starts, and hitler blasts them off to the effiel tower.

“AAAAAAAAGHHHHGGHGGGGHHHHBBBVBNNKKODOJBHISJJJ” they all scream as they go to the effiel tower

“kohane my babygirlsweetcheeks are you okay?!??” an asked worried for her gf “yeah an! thank you😳😳” kohane answered

“wait an Omg r u bleeding are you okay oh my god AAAAHHH” kohane looked at a cut an had on her leg “oh i’m fine it’s just a scratc-“ kohane cut her off. “i’ll pay that fucking nazi bitch PAY.” kohane said grabbing her chainsaw

“Toya oh my god r u ok” akito asked also worried for his bf “yeah akito don’t worry!” toya said standinh up

“So you survived that huh👿👿👿” hitler says. vbs alertedly stood up and alertedly

“YOU BITCH” kohane super jumped and punched that bitch ass adolf, “THE FUCK” hitler tried to super punch kohane but ofc it didn’t work, kohane powered up her chainsaw and sliced that bitch up, intestines and organs flying everywhere

“oh my god my gf looks so hot!!!” an said lovingly

“hell yeah!! slayy kohane!!” akito cheered and toya smiled

“okay let’s go back now… ken was probably like “what the fuck did you just pull out a fucking portal gun” so we gotta go back..” toya said

“Yeah!!” they all agreed and so they fired up the portal gun and went back to weekend garage

“EHERE THE ACTUAL FUCK did y’all GO” ken said

“ermmm we killed hitler ig” an says

“what. Ok i’m not even gonna ask”

then they lived happily ever after.. or did they..?

“grrr…”
said a man, blonde hair, american, specifically the 45th U.S president….

Chapter Text

at weekend garage, vbs was hanging out.

RINGG*

“oh, welco- Oh it’s lian” a girl, medium sized messy black hair came in. currently she is friends with An!!! “ughhh bitch.. i think something crazy just happened.. oh and get i can a cup of banana milkshake NO SUGAR BTW” lian said whining after ordering, taking a seat on the stool “omg GIRLLL spill” an said. The other vbs were just eating their own meals on a nearby separate table, but akito was slightly eavesdropping bcz he was curious bitch

"like girl.. i think i got donald trump pregnant......" lian said sighing "like bitch i am NOTT ready to raise a child!!"

What!

akito was FLABBERGASTED because what the hell did he even hear. No. the real question is is why Donald trump was the one who was pregnant and lian wasnt, how does that even work??? does lian secretly have a dick?? but donald trump cant produce those fucking sperm cells or something i have no idea i never listened to anatomy class i forgot how women get pregnant, but donald trump has a dick right? even if they did fuck how the hell would... okay wait no the ACTUAL real question is HOW THE FUCK DID SHE GET THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT PREGNANT

while akito was questioning his whole existence an and lian were still talking;

"oh my god girl no way you got THE donald trump pregnant. what did u even say to him😭😭" an asked

"when i found out i was shockkeeeed.. i just told him that i aint raising his child so he better get an abortion or raise that child himself but im not paying for child support" lian said while taking a sip of her banana milkshake 0% sugar "lian are u sure he wont send fucking assasins after u thats the U.S president ur talking 2...." an said skeptically.

"i dont give a shit joe biden is president now isnt he-" just as lian was saying that a bullet hitt thru the window, the glass shattering. "OH SHIT" everyone in the cafe ducked for cover. lian came to a realization "oh... come to think of it donald trump kindaa said he'd make me pay... These r probably his assasins!" lian said, maybe a little too loud.. because the other members of vbs heard it.

"what..? how did you even get donald trump to hire assasins.." toya asked shocked, kohane agreeing.

"OKAY WHO EVEN FUCKING CARES AT THIS POINT WE ARE GONNA GET SNIPED. AAAJHHH RUN FOR IT" akito says grabbing toya bridal style and runs for it, flower petals falling beside them as akito runs through the brocken shards as romantic musical plays in the background in slow mo❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

"guys ill get the portal gun! run to the back of the cafe! ill be there!!!!!" kohane dashes to the portal gun "GOODLUCK MY SCRUNKLY DOOKIE LOVE BABE🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰" an cheers for her gf ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️t

time skip whne koahen tmgetd the gun and they meet at the abck of the cafw

__

"Im here guys!" kohane runs wiht the portsl gun jn her hands, changing the setting while running "kohane hammy wammy ur back omg its been like 5 minutes and i miss you so much alrwdy u looked so cool" an says kohane blushing flustered at the amount of compliments her gf is giving "aww an thabk you! but to me... you always look cool"

an had a stroke at that moment, kohane went to care for her gf and so akito and toya and lian shot the protal gun to go to america and the white house so they can take revebge on dinald trump

They went through the portal "omg here we are... the country of freedom and burgers and fries" akito says in awe... "omg hell yeah we're gonna see donald trump" an says

"here guys ik a secret shortcut to donald trumps inside whje house!!!!" lian says pulling out a helicopter from out of her ass "get in we're gonna break in yall😝😝😝" Lian says as they all cheer

They arrive inside, they see donald trump and his eyes are buldging rn bcz they broke in😱😱 "Ong intruders!!... wait.... Lian!?!?!?" he says shockerd, "yes donald, it is i.... how dare you send assasians to attack us and our friends!!! 😡😡😡" she says. "you had rhis comingfor you.... this wouldnt have happened if you used a condom 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬" (what am i doing with my life)

"you said you wnated to be with me... But then.. i saw it, ur messages you were cheating on me!!!!" lian defends "with non other than...... HITLER.....!!!"

they all gasped....

TBC❤️❤️❤️❤️

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donald freezes, in shock be4 fore getting back his composure and smirks. “yea, u caught me. i slept with hitler. and, the child isnt yours lian.”

lians eyes widens, “what the FUCK?? that child is hitelrs??? qait does that mean im not paying child support if we divordce”

vbs watches. the thig. go on. “wait so this storyline is hella dramatic kinda giving soap opera.. like lian is dating dinald trump and he gets pregnant but turns out the baby isnt donald trump but its. hitlers??? trh fuck?? didnt we kill that bitch..” an whispers to the grouo, they all nod.

“i feel bad! now the child will be raised with no father figure” kohane says sadly. “no i think we should feel bad that the child is the kid of hitler and Donald trump.” akito grimaces. he doesnt know how that child would end up…. probably bullied in school for having HITLER the. literal human suoervillian as his dead father.., and Donald trump as his other father…. hes so OLD!!! he’ll probably die from a heart attack when his child is at the age of 5!!!!

“huh…. but how did hitler come here anyway… isnt he from the 1930s” toya wonderes. that catches the attention of the group

“wait, aibou ur right!!” akito agrees with toya even though he doesnt know shit about the americn history

“hmmmm this wouldnt be entirely impossible….., dont we have a portal gun that helps us travel to different countris??? it wiuldnt be so strange to have a time traveling thingabpmajig too” kohane states. an stares in awe ‘wow her gf is so smart’

“gn are we in a sci fi movie rn wgat the fuck” an says

“youknow out of all the people donald trump would be cheatjng with, i was sure it qas gonna be joe biden instead cz they had like chemistry n shit i swear..” akito mutters, before the sound of an object breaking snaps them out of their conversation

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS IS AN DESTRUCITON OF PROPERTY” donald trump shotus.

lian broke some rnadom ass painting idk if the white house has paintignds but after that she unzips her oants

“yo wtf is she gna pull out her cock”

instead of pulling out her cock, she pulls out a really big raygun.

where did that xome from? i donr know. it was probably shoved up her ass. maybe her ass was like those fantasy bags that can store any amount put in there like a portal bag.

back to the topic at hand, lian aims the raygun at Donald trump. "ive had enough of ur. gams, Donald. youve played with me.., cheated on mme.... i wasnt planning on killing you for the sake that i could raise that child myself without having them in your care... but if its not my child, WHATS THE POINT!!!" lian says. her dramatic monolouge, touching the hearts of the people in the room. WELL exceptg donald trump

"I dont GAF" donal. SAYS💜

"you little shit" lian cocks her gun and goes to shoot. the bullers fire but then...

*BOOOOOOMM*

"what is--" she says before her eyes widen.

"babe, im herre to save u." an old dude says. he grabs donald princess styled carry and poses protectively, trying to protect the blonde

vbs jaws DROP. no fucking way.. is that..?

"YO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT JOE BIDEN" an shouts in shock. no way, is that joe biden and did joe just call donald rrumo. BABE?? what the fuckkk...

"i-i did not know donald was such a hoe..." kohane says in shock.

"joe.." donald stares before he clicks his tounge, looking away. "what are you doing here? i dont want anything to do with yiu." donald says in annoyance, trying to pull away from the hold of biden.

joe biden huffs and grabs his chin and forces his head to face his. donald flinches at that and his eyes meet wit the other. donalds face turns red at te contact. "come on, donald. i know you never got over me. i know you've slept with those dudes and women." biden says, before going even closer.

"but i know that the baby isn't lians, nor hitlers." joe moves his face to donalds ear and whispers, making Donald shiver. "its mine."

lians eye twitches at thta. "so, youve been whoring around when you alrwady have me? trump i cant fucking believe you you cunt"

vbs just watches. wtaches in complete utter horror. that was too freaky. what the fuck?? what was that yaoi scene where Joe whispered in Donald's ear??

they couldnt take it anymore.