Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Part One

’When we were young’

Chapter Text

September 2023

Patroclus sat in the car being driven by one of his father's staff as it winded down long roads through the city, taking him to his new boarding school. The leather seats were uncomfortably cold against his skin and the car had a sickeningly strong scent of air freshener. He huffed slightly as he took in the cool weather outside, eyes flicking down to his hands and then back up to the window.

September, Patroclus thought, was an awful time of year. 'The month of change' his mother had called it, the death of summer transitioning into the icy embrace of winter, hazy remnants of soothing sun and welcoming waters intermingling with the freezing sheets of rain and bitter winds winter brought.

While it could be lazy and warm,  as trees drop their leaves and the air turns colder, he couldn't stand it. September meant having to endure harsher weather, having to return to the reality that was his life, having to go back to school.

school 

The word had always left a bitter taste in Patroclus' mouth. It wasn't so much the concept of school or the workload that made him so sour, it was all the ways school proved him to be as inferior as his father said he was. School, where he had little people he could call friends. School, where his grades were good- but not good enough. School, where he was never bad, but not great. Always good, never great.

Maybe, it was the petty sort of envy school inspired in him that made him so averse to others his age. Maybe it was the fact he knew in an instant his father would trade sons with many of the parents at his old school if he could.

At school, there was a select group of people who seemed to despise Patroclus. They whispered sometimes about how he had too much of his 'simple' mother in him, How his father must be so disappointed. He knew they made sure to whisper just loud enough for Patroclus to hear,  in hopes of provoking him, but he never rose to the bait, instead letting his anger and humiliation simmer down until all he felt was cold, harsh rejection. 

He used to feel humiliated at how other people seemed to disregard him, the feeling of sickness bubbling up in his throat as his stomach ached, how his skin felt hot and prickly all of a sudden as it was made apparent he was nothing more than a burden to them.  He felt that familiar dull ache of anxiety in his heart as he thought about the prospect of moving to his new school, would it be the same? would there be another group of people set on tormenting him? His father's cold voice replayed in his mind, telling him how he was a regret to anyone who met him. Patroclus closed his eyes taking a deep breath. No, he thought. This was a fresh start, people would not torment him. As far as he was aware, no one at his new school would have any reason to pick on him.

The anxious boy opened his eyes again, in hopes of looking for a distraction, he looked to his phone numbly picking it up, and he opened Snapchat not bothering to answer any messages. After the incident, he had been sent awful words and photos. He swiped to the 'memories' section and clicked on the small banner that said 'a year ago today'. Pictures of his fifteenth birthday popped up, on that day he had spent the night at a friend's house with two other people. he frowned. That year he had his birthday 'party' in September instead of October when his actual birthday was. When his father had found out the sleepover was for his birthday he sneered at him and yelled at the boy for not being honest about why he was sleeping over. His father usually did something for his birthday, so other people would continue to believe he was a good father. That man had a reputation to keep up, and he would force Patroclus to smile for photos and go out to restaurants so he could upkeep that reputation. That year his father didn't force him out for his birthday, that year during Patroclus' birthday he was on a business trip.

He put his phone back down thinking of his father. He wondered what he might be doing right now. He picked at his nails silently.

From a young age, his father had made his disappointment clear to Patroclus. 

His father had beaten him often as a child over small mishaps and mistakes and berated him again and again whenever he did something 'dishonorable', like getting a B instead of an A on a test. He knew his father was cruel and unreasonable, though sometimes he still craved his approval or comfort. It was strange he thought, how he sometimes still yearned for the hands that hit him over and over to comfort him. He knew he shouldn't feel like that and most of the time he didn't, though now and then all he wanted was for his father to take pity on him and comfort him for a small while. 

He knew that would never happen though.

He had learned better than to expect his father to ever say kind words. His father seemed to enjoy saying cruel words to him just to watch him afterwards. He always seemed displeased when Patroclus stood still and did nothing, said it made him weak. His father's words had seeped in and taken root within his mind, they replayed in that cold indifferent voice whenever he messed up. His father was not much of a father. More of an owner. He was not much of a son, merely an asset, a placeholder. He doubted he would ever be called a son again. Not after what he did. Not after he destroyed his fathers reputation.  

His breath quickened slightly as he thought of the incident.

A month ago, maybe, Patroclus had been sat by the beach, watching the waves roll in and out, trying and failing, to soothe his tired mind. It was a spot he had retreated to often as a boy with his mother. Philomena was her name. She used to take great pleasure in sitting on the beach wall with her son underneath some large trees, watching the waves. she would sit and draw, or collect seashells,  would sit and tell stories while fussing over her son fondly. OR, his favorite, when she would bring her lyre and play for him,  These were Patroclus' favorite memories. His father had always disregarded his mother's musical talent, saying it was nonsense and an earache, though Patroclus had loved it. The way her nimble fingers tugged and pulled on the lyre strings with calculated moves as she sang gently to the boy, in her soft voice. His mother had died when he was six. People always said she was simple- childlike even. though all he remembered of her was how he had always seen her as beautiful and kind. He looked a lot like his mother, with rich, dark sable skin, curious coffee-coloured eyes, his soft dark curls that seemed to add to his quality of kindness. The curve of his lips and the gentle slope of his nose were his mother's. He loved that he looked like his mother as if he was living for her, maybe that's why his father hated him so much. Maybe the fact he looked like his mother spurred on the hatred Menoetius held for his only son. The memories of his mother is what drew him back to this specific spot, he had a terrible day and sought the comfort of his memories the beach held. He didn't know how long he had sat at that beach wall that day, it must have been at least an hour though. He had been rudely tugged by the collar of his shirt by an older kid, one who seemed to enjoy teasing and harassing Patroclus. Patroclus didn't remember much of what happened after that. all he remembered was that Cysonymus had been arguing with him, demanding he hand over a fine silver bracelet Patroclus wore on his wrist- it was his mother's, a beautiful piece of jewelry. Of course, Patroclus had refused to hand it over and in anger pushed the boy, what he didn't know was that the boy would stumble and fall, his head promptly smacking against a rock, his skull shattering as flecks of blood and flesh splattered themselves to every surface. He remembered clearly what the boy had looked like in death, he gagged slightly each time he thought of it. He was not violent by nature. it had destroyed him that he did that over a bracelet. He felt pathetic and cruel. He felt like his father. 

He stiffened as the memory repeated in his head.

That night his father had raged like never before, beating him within an inch of his life screaming himself hoarse.'How could Patroclus be so stupid and damage his fathers reputation like that?' was mostly what Menoetius was pissed about. Of course, he did not care about the boy Patroclus had killed, or how Patroclus felt, no- he only cared for his reputation, his wealth, his status. Anger prickled beneath his skin. 

In, Out, In and then out,
 

Deep breaths as memories of the killing flickered in his mind. 

in out in out. 

Deep breaths as he thought of how he was being sent away without a second thought.

in out in out in out in-

"Sir we are about half an hour from your destination"

He blinked. The voice seemed distant and quiet, the words didn't seem to make sense.

"pardon?" 

"Half an hour until we reach your new school, sir"

Ah. James, one of his fathers staff, a chauffeur.

Patroclus had always liked the man. James was old and weathered, yet he had always been so kind and polite to Patrcolus, probably since Menoetius was Patroclus's father, yet he liked to believe it went a little beyond that. Most of his father's staff were like this, always speaking soothing words to Patroclus, sneaking him treats, looking out for him when possible, caring and comforting him after particularly trying days. It stung a little to think how his staff were more of a parent to him than his actual father.

"..okay. Thank you, James" 

It was silent after that. 

Thoughts of his new boarding school raced in his mind. His father's friend Peleus Pelides, one of the richest men in the country co-owned the school, sponsoring it constantly, he had offered Patroclus a spot after hearing about the incident. Patroclus wasn't sure how to feel about that. 

He had always found Peleus a strange man. He was proud and confident but not in a way that was conceited or vain. He was kind and encouraging yet not a pushover. He often spent time visiting  Patroclus childhood home during summers or holidays when passing through the area. He was always so kind and normal to Patroclus it was weird. He did not look at Patroclus with anger or disappointment, nor did he appear reluctant or avoidant of him. He had always spoken greatly to Patroclus, laughed heartily at his weak attempts at jokes, smiling contently as Patroclus answered his questions. He often thought that was what a dad should be. He remembered the mans tan skin and blonde hair, though his face was blurry in Patroclus mind. It baffled Patroclus that someone like that would be friends with his father.

Then there was Peleus son. His son also went to this school. His son who wanted to see Patroclus when he got there. He knew he would want to see him because even as children he remembered how Achilles had been curious about everything.

He knew if he gave the other a chance they would not stop asking questions, his headache intensified with that thought.

They had never quite been friends, but never quite rivals either. Instead, they had always had a weird half-established relationship of teasing, harsh jabs, and honeyed words; a weird relationship of chasing and running from one another. Growing up he had always felt a deep irritation towards the boy. He hated the way they smiled, and the fact they had one of those voices you just had to stop and listen to. He hates how the boy had always been so athletic, so talented in the arts too. He hated how the boy never lied and always spoke his mind. He hated how they walked and seemed to do everything with a sense of effortlessness and gracefulness. Growing up he always felt agitated at how the boy just had to be perfect, serving as another unwelcome reminder that Patroclus was inferior. At the same time, he remembered how Achilles always seemed to follow him around. he never understood why and felt it peculiar that someone so perfect wanted to be around him. Achilles would ask Patroclus questions upon questions, clinging onto his every word. Achilles would demand that Patroclus would hang out with him, make him take them to the beach, go cycling, take him to the towns, listen to him retell stories of his childhood. More often than not Patroclus refused yet the other asked and asked until he settled into an annoyed submission, complying and doing what the other boy wished him to. Many days and nights of Achilles trying to figure Patroclus out, enjoying the puzzle of Patroclus' mind. He sighed, looking up as the car pulled into the long driveway that led to the school. He wondered for a moment if Achilles was still beautiful, still elegant, and divine as if crafted by the gods specifically to remind everyone else how far they stray from true perfection. He dismissed that thought. Achilles was not beautiful he was annoying. 

On some level, Patroclus thinks that one of the many reasons he could never seem to properly get along with Achilles is that he admired him too much. He knew the other was perfect, and god did it hurt. He recalled how his father scathingly whispered into his ear once how Achilles was what a son should be, not some weak, shy boy like himself. 

The car slowed down, coming to a halt in the school driveway.

James opened the door for him. He got out standing on the steps. James said something he didnt quite catch giving Patroclus arm a comforting squeeze. He stumbled slightly as he walked up the steps, his previous feelings of embarrassment igniting again. 

in out in out in out.

The school was beautiful, like a palace almost, with large marble pillars and painfully detailed carvings, grand wooden doors and arches, stunning decorations and gardens. He wondered how much it cost to send someone here. Probably a lot. He got lost in his thoughts, tenderly entering the building with James standing unsure of himself in the lobby. Gleaming tiled floors, a gigantic wooden spiral staircase to the second floor- like something from a Disney film. marble statues and beautiful paintings and tapestries. Patroclus hadn't ever been somewhere so pretty. He looked at every finely detailed object, the carving in the wood and marble, the brush strokes in each painting. He knew if anyone had ever bought him something so gorgeous he would of cherished it and kept it forever.  A pretty woman approached them from an office across the large room, her long hair gently swaying in sync with her hips. She had a stern face but a warm smile. She held up a hand in greeting. 

 "This must be Patroclus, correct?" she called out in a silky voice.

James said something to the woman that Patrcolus didn't quite catch, before turning and heading out. He stood staring at the woman, stammering out a greeting as he shook her hand. She smelt of an overpowering scent of roses, it made his headache twinge uncomfortably. She was dressed in a tight black pencil skirt, sheer tights, heels, a dark blue button-down, and a black blazer. The clothes fit her nicely he thought. The dark blue complimented her sable skin well.

James arrived back after a few awkward minutes of small talk, carrying two suitcases, the third one being brought in by another man, a gardener maybe. 

After handing the bags over to some other men once he had entered the lobby again James chatted with the woman for a while about stuff that just didn't seem to interest Patroclus, while they conversed he stood silently, picking at the hem of his jumper. 

James turned  to Patroclus saying goodbye, before drawing him in for a hug, he clutched at the man a little desperately, he wanted nothing more than to turn and run from the school. James ran a soothing hand up and down his back before pulling away and handing him a small piece of paper with a phone number. 

"Before I have to leave here is a number, you call this if you want to speak to me or any of the other house staff, the maids, nannies, gardeners, butlers- you name it, alright? your father doesn't know about this so don't worry yourself over it. You be good kid okay?"

He nodded, pocketing the paper before saying a final goodbye to James. He didn't think he would call that number. But the gesture was sweet and brought a small sense of comfort. He watched James exit through the thick wooden doors glancing at his bags which had been collected by some more men once brought in, they were being carried up the spiral stairs and heading through a long corridor until out of sight to what he supposed must eventually be his dorm.

The woman was stood there eyes still fixed on Patrcolus, Her voice was sharp and strict yet it didn't seem mean.

"My name is Mrs Vasileiou, I work in the office, Mr Pelides asked me specifically to discuss everything with you, and to bring you to him to talk before you settle in. Please follow me to Mr Pelides' office, I will be waiting outside for when you two are done discussing everything." 

And without waiting for Patroclus to reply she set off walking at a brisk pace, leaving Patroclus to trail behind her nervously, The echo of their footsteps ringing out.

Chapter Text

September 6th 2023

Patroclus followed the woman across the lobby to Peleus office. His stomach twisting uncomfortably at the thought of talking to Peleus. He was not sure if anyone knew why he had been sent away- If Peleus had told them, gods, he hoped not. Being stereotyped as a cold-blooded killer is not what the brunette needed. Back In his home city, Opus, all those in his school had sent him hate mail, spammed his socials and all his friends had cut him off. He had been demonized by local people and made unwelcome by almost everyone in the higher ranks of the society of Opus. Of course, his father paid newspapers and other news outlets to keep it quiet and paid the people who knew what really happened to keep their mouths shut. But amidst the uncertainty of what went down between Patroclus and Clysonymus people had made up rumors of Patroclus brutally murdering the other boy, painted him as some cruel delinquent.

He took a deep breath once they reached the grand wooden door with the name 'Mr Pelides' on it. He twisted the golden door knob as Mrs Vasileiou nudged his back encouragingly. 

The fifteen-year-old stepped into the room closing the large wooden door carefully, examining the room once he had entered fully. The office had tall ceilings with windows that stretched from top to bottom, each window was impeccably clear and revealed views of the school grounds. The school grounds were made up of pristine pavements, long rolling fields, and carefully selected decorations. One of the many decorations that caught his eye was a fountain with a statue of the Greek goddess Athena in the middle of it, It was beautiful. The room was furnished with dark wooden furniture adorned with detailed carvings. There were thick, old books stacked neatly on a bookshelf, a few photo frames on the desk, and some expensive-looking paintings on the wall. To the far left of the office was a fireplace, and on the mantle above that were some beautiful, glass vases, made from stained glass in shades of sea blues and greens. The room had an Aura of great expense and elegance, Its beauty almost startling. The air was slightly cold in here and smelt faintly of fruits. 

Once he had finished his glance around the room convinced he had taken in every detail, his eyes focused on a thick leather chair behind the wooden desk, it was turned away from the door to face the window, the top of a golden head peeking out.

He cleared his throat a little nervously.

"Mr Pelides-"

His voice was hoarse. 

"I want to thank you for offering me a place at Your school. You have done me and my father a great kindness and I'm sorry we meet again in these conditions-"

He is met by loud, joyful laughter. He freezes, brows furrowing as the chair turns to face himself. His confusion is answered almost instantly. Of course, he would do this. Who else?

Achilles. He grits his teeth. The utter fool. 

"There is no need to call me Mr Pelides, Patroclus, drop the formalities" 

Pa-tro-clus. Achilles said his name slow and sweetly, he didn't rush through his name the way almost everyone else did. Patroclus had never liked his name, it meant 'honor of the father', something Patroclus knew never fit him well. He expected Achilles to laugh or make a joke about his name's meaning when they first met, but he never did. He only spoke the name as if it deserved to be heard as if it was something worth saying over and over and over. He always felt a drop of warmth burst beneath his skin when the other spoke his name. He knew he would listen to whatever the other said as long as they kept saying his name like that, full of joy and delight.  The older boy felt a strange tug in his stomach. He felt a slight sense of relief that it was only Achilles sat in the chair not Peleus. At the same time, he felt annoyed and frustrated at the other for tricking him. Then again just the sight of Achilles agitated him.

He frowned disapprovingly at Achilles' little stunt.

Despite the clear displeasure at this little surprise painted all over the brunette's face, Achilles' expression is gleeful and ever so smug.

"Where is your father? I was told to come speak with Mr Pelides-" 

Achilles cuts the other boy off eagerly. He seems so pleased with himself that once again Patroclus has fallen for one of his little schemes. He always took great delight in showing off to Patroclus, perhaps he thought his plan was impressive. It certainly explained why he looked at Patroclus as if he was expecting him to say well done.

"The staff here also call me Mr Pelides, not just my father. I requested them to do so when telling you to meet me here. I was scared you'd bolt if you knew it was me requesting to see you." 

Achilles is smiling at Patroclus, that same perfect slightly teasing smile he had worn often as a kid. Patroclus recalled seeing it plastered on Achilles face many times, he saw it when Achilles and Patroclus spoke, when the blonde played music, when he won a race, and so on. His smile is handsome and inviting, as it always has been. Patroclus wished he had seen it more often. Been the cause of that smile more often.

The brunette shook his head slightly as if to clear it. He sighed. Achilles was right, Patroclus would've bolted if he knew it was Achilles in Peleus' office. 

"sit."

It was not a question, it was a demand. Thoughts of simply turning and leaving raced through his mind, but he felt strangely compelled to talk to the other after seeing them after so long. He sat opposite the boy across the large wooden desk. Achilles didn't say anything for a few moments, just seemed to be surveying Patroclus, his eyes tracing their face with strange focus.

"You look good."

The brunette looked up, slightly confused, and when his brown eyes met those green ones he flushed ever so slightly. The way the blond had said it, eyes focusing so intently on Patroclus made him feel a  strange emotion he couldn't decipher. He paused for a moment mulling the words over in his head before scoffing. He was sure the other was teasing him. Patroclus didn't think he had changed that much at all since he was ten and last spoke to Achilles, He thought he only looked a little older and a lot taller. Nothing special. He didn't think he was ugly but certainly not good-looking enough to comment on. His dislike deepened as he took in Achilles' appearance.

So attractive, So charming.

When Patroclus first saw Achilles sitting in that chair, he did not miss how the boy's body had changed.

Achilles had grown taller, but not taller than Patroclus, and slightly more muscled. His frame was Lithe and toned, like a runner. After all, Achilles, as he remembered was an amazing athlete.

Achilles' skin was still divinely sun-kissed as it had been when he was a boy, smooth and unmarked, supple and soft looking, lightly tanned with no freckles. His blonde hair was slightly longer than the older boy remembered, it now fell slightly past his shoulder in flawless, elegant waves, not a tangle in sight. His hair was still golden with faint streaks of honey running through. He noticed how a few strands had half fallen into the other boy's face slightly. He wanted to reach out and brush them away, he didn't know how the other could stand having their hair fall like that, surely the sensation must be irritating. He looked back into the boy's eyes. Achilles' eyes were still catlike and curious, deep pools of intermingling shades of green with flecks of the finest gold swirling around. His jawline among other features had grown sharp and defined with age. There wasn't a mark upon his skin. It Pissed him off. The blond still had that boyish charm to him yet looked so undoubtedly mature. He felt an unwelcome twang of jealousy. Patroclus' own skin had a few blemishes, his features were not as well defined or pretty, and his hair had a slightly wild quality to it. Achilles surely had to be mocking him when he told Patroclus he looked good.

"Right." 

Was all he managed to mutter stiffly in a hoarse, quiet tone. 

Achilles cocked his head at this, as if confused. The younger boy remained silent just sitting watching Patroclus. Five minutes of Achilles staring silently, while the older boy strategically avoided eye contact passed. Patroclus could feel the tension in the air, it was thick as honey; he couldn't bare it.

"Well?" Questioned the brunette. "Why am I here? All you are doing is sitting and looking at me. Why did you summon me here?" 

Patroclus spoke in an agitated voice, eyes narrowed ever so slightly. 

Achilles only smiled again eyes twinkling. 

"Can't I just want to look at you,? Is that so bad? Because to be perfectly honest I don't have much to say. I just wanted to see you again. It's been  5 years since we last saw each other. And you shouldn't be so short with me when I compliment you. I meant it, you have grown into your looks nicely.  I mean, where are your manners? Are you not gonna compliment me back my dear Patroclus?" 

He groaned at the word dear. Fucking Achilles, he thought, always so frustrating. 

"I don't like you."

A beat of silence.

"You look good Achilles" 

He paused. 

"it's been six years since we last saw each other."

That earned a pleased smile and a quiet laugh from Achilles. 

"I missed you." 

Patroclus paused when those words left the mouth of the other. Was he being made fun of? His frown deepened.

Just then in one fluent, swift movement, Achilles got up deciding to climb over the desk, sitting directly in front of Patroclus' chair, leaning down, face close to Patroclus'. Patroclus instinctively pulled away looking a little puzzled.

Achilles just laughed. He didn't like Achilles laugh. It was melodic and clear like a song, with the warmth of a fire and the sweetness of sugar, yet he disliked it. He thought it loud and invasive, He didn't like that he had caused it. He just wanted to be alone now. 

"Look Achilles- I'm tired I need to go-" 

"No. I said I'd be your tour guide after you talk to Mrs Vasileiou. stop trying to run away Patroclus, or I might start to think you were serious when you said you didn't like me." 

Patroclus let out a small huff at that, looking back up into those green eyes, 

"Okay," 

A thought crossed his mind and he couldn't hold back.

“Do you know why I'm here?” 

Patroclus' voice was shy almost nervous as the question spilled from his lips.

“..No. But maybe you can tell me one day?”

Patroclus stared at him jaw tightening ever so slightly. Achilles did nothing but stare down at the seated boy unblinkingly. 

“Alright. One day” 

Achilles smiled at that and his face was like the sun. Patroclus looks away uncomfortably. He got up, turning to the thick wooden doors, he only managed a few steps before a hand grabbed his shoulder. He turned about to snap at the other to leave him alone but was stunned into silence when Achilles wrapped his arms around his middle. 

He stood there for a moment confused by the boy's actions, and awkwardly returned the hug, one had raised slightly higher stroking the boy's hair. He doesn't know why he did it, all he remembered was that as a kid Achilles enjoyed having his hair done or played with, he recalled how the boy asked the maids to braid his hair or brush it for him instead of doing it himself, when Patroclus had asked him why all the younger boy had said was that it felt good. Knowing that still, he found his own actions a little odd. The other was warm and smelt faintly of pomegranate, sandalwood, and faint undertones of salt and the sea. The scent is so shockingly familiar to Patroclus that all he can do is breathe a little deeper as days spent with Achilles as children flash through his mind.

As the other pulls away they stand there for a moment taking each other in. Achilles smirks. 

“You won't be popular here.” 

Patroclus raises an eyebrow at that. 

“Sorry?” 

“I said you won't be popular. You're not like everyone else here. You're different. too soft.” 

Patroclus tensed up as his eyes narrowed. His mood of nostalgia vanished in an instant. 

Patroclus spun on his heel and stalked out of the room. He shot an agitated glare at Achilles who followed in his wake. As soon as he left the office Patroclus was greeted by Mrs Vasileiou who smiled at the sight of the two boys, her eyes lingering a little too long on Achilles. Patroclus turned slightly to look at Achilles who had lost his pleased smile, now traded for an expression of plain indifference. 

“..Mr Pelides, will you be joining Patroclus in his briefing?" 

Achilles didn't even look up at the sound of the woman's voice instead turning his head lazily towards Patroclus. 

“Should I?” 

It throws Patroclus off that he is being asked such a question. He assumed Achilles would answer himself. Patroclus takes a moment to think and considers the question. 

It took a minute for the older boy to respond to Achilles.

“No, thanks. Uhm You can wait for me if you want, or just go” 

He said eyes flitting to the ground. 

“..Are you sure you don't want Mr. Pelides present for the briefing? He’s your tour guide after all.” 

Mrs Vasileiou asked in an innocently sweet voice.

The receptionist's eyes are still fixed on the blonde, scanning his face, gaze dropping quickly looking up and down before refocusing on his face. Patroclus raises his eyebrows slightly. He didn't understand why the woman was looking at Achilles like that. He supposed there was nothing wrong with it yet he still felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. It made him feel a twinge of sickness in the pit of his stomach. However Achilles still looked indifferent, almost bored as if he didn't care. 

“uhm.. quite sure,” 

Patroclus said a slight edge to his voice now, His previous politeness gone.

She nodded her smile falling for a moment before returning.

"Okay then."

"Right this way Patroclus" 

The woman set off, walking briskly as her heels click-clacked across the tiled floors to an office across the Lobby. He hesitated, glancing at Achilles. His previous distaste toward the boy had been replaced by a strange mix of concern and pity. He couldn't exactly place why but the interaction between Achilles and Mrs Vasileiou had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He nodded a the boy who smiled brightly at him again.

"I will wait for you, My father's office, Find me?” 

Patroclus studied the other's eyes, they seemed less sure of themselves now, it was weird. He enjoyed that he could make the other who was never doubtful or insecure of himself unsure by asking him a simple question.

“Always” 

Achilles nodded at that nudging the other with his elbow. 

“Go away now, Seeing as you have better things to do than me-“ 

This eases a laugh from Patroclus and he smiles properly for the first time. The feelings of guilt, grief, and anxiety forgotten for the first time in months. He thinks that only Achilles could do that.

“I always do have better things to see to than you Achilles. Always have” 

As a child, he had always had weird love-hate feelings towards Achilles, envy tainted with admiration, Familiarity tainted with reservations, and fondness tainted with dislike.

Achilles considered his words. Before settling on his own carefully selected words, 

“That's right. you do, always have” 

Achilles turned after that, heading back to his fathers office. Patroclus looked away. he then finally started following Mrs Vasileiou for his briefing.

Chapter Text

September 6th 2023

Patroclus sat in a slightly smaller office now, It was Mrs Vasileiou’s office, turns out she was not only a receptionist but one of the school's counselors.

Patroclus looked around idly as she talked, the room was smaller than the previous one and was not as pretty in his opinion. There were lots of trinkets cluttering her desk and stacks of paper among other small tables, it was uncomfortably stuffy and warm in here and reeked of the woman’s rose perfume. He noticed glass vases full of flowers that must have been fake, pink frills on most fabric, and almost every surface had some sort of floral pattern on it. When Mrs Vasileiou noticed him looking around she had smiled and said “Darling isn’t it?” He had only nodded and smiled.                                                                                                        He didn’t think it was darling, it was far too sweet for his tastes and the room made him feel somewhat nauseous. He thought the room could have been charming if she hadn’t decorated it the way she had. 

About half an hour passed of Mrs Vasileiou ranting on and on about the different aspects of the school to Patroclus (who wasn’t listening, only honing in on the necessities). Mrs Vasileiou said he would be handed a schedule, and a girl in his class, Briseis (who took all the same classes as him), would be there to help him out. Seeing as he had never been to this school and everyone else had for years now, he would be cut some slack, he was allowed to miss the first and second days of school (school started on the 5th) to try to wrap his head around the new layout and routine. She explained the meal times and different quarters for students, he learned that three meals were served every day in the dining pavilion however they were welcome to purchase their food and eat elsewhere. There were multiple study halls and common rooms to spend free periods or socialize at, and students were granted the freedom to go to town or leave school premises every Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She then moved on to discussing the dormitories with him, she said how every student who had been attending since the first year had been in the same dorm with one other boy however Achilles had requested to switch dorms so he could share with Patroclus. He wasn’t exactly surprised to hear that but rolled his eyes all the same. He was informed he would have to partake in at least one study session or academic/artistic extracurricular and one athletic or sports extracurricular. He had complained about it but had eventually settled for a Creative writing workshop every Monday and boxing club every Thursday. He wondered what Achilles did for his extracurricular.

It felt like he had been sitting there forever as his eyes kept drifting to the window, he had tried to be polite and focused on the woman but he kept slipping out of focus every few moments as she went on and on and on. She seemed to pick up on this and dismissed him a little snarkily. He thanked her before walking as quickly as he could to exit without seeming rude. 

He took deep breaths of the cool, unscented air of the lobby gratefully, feeling his exhaustion seep back in, settling in his bones. He wanted to go to bed if he was honest.

When he headed back to Peleus office he found Achilles and another girl. The girl had warm dark skin and thick glossy curls of chocolate hair, her eyes were wide and Kind, and she smiled warmly at him. She was pretty, he realized and he smiled back easily. Achilles scoffed at this rolling his eyes. 

“Hi! I'm Briseis, nice to meet you. I’m your escort around school for the week”

She reminded him of a bird in a strange way. He nodded smiling about to speak before Achilles cut him off.

“I’m his tour guide. You're not needed” 

Patroclus frowned at that shooting Achilles a disapproving look, he didn’t understand why the other was being so bitchy towards the girl. She had only come down to meet him which he thought was a sweet gesture.

The girl only shrugged and shot  Achilles an agitated look before turning back to Patroclus. 

“I suppose He's right, it was nice meeting you though. See you tomorrow I guess”

She smiled once more and shook his hand as he nervously returned the kind words with a smile of his own. The girl's smile was comforting and her voice was soothing. She smelt of lavender. He watched as she left before turning to glare at Achilles who only rolled his eyes. 

They argued about how Achilles had acted for a good five minutes before Achilles decided he didn’t care, changing the topic to the dormitories, much to Patroclus' annoyance. It didn't matter however, they set off for the dorms, and Patroclus couldn't help but admire the architecture of the building, effectively forgetting the previous interaction and argument.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They got to the dorm with no problem, Achilles instantly sitting on his bed watching Patroclus with eager eyes as they took it in. The room had lots of windows and was a fair size, It had a balcony overlooking the school grounds, Patrcolus rolled his eyes at that, just how rich was this school?

There were a few potted flowers left on the balcony. They were the flowers his mother had grown back at his house in Opus before she died. The gardeners never stopped planting them, however, more for Patroclus than anyone else. His throat tightened as he stared at the flowers and when he looked at Achilles the boy only shrugged slightly. His heart softened a little at the gesture. He had told Achilles the meaning of the flowers when they were eight, he had told Achilles that he had dreamt of his mother taking him to the beach since Achilles had found the boy in his bed sobbing.

He then took in Achilles half of the room, It was unkempt and disorganized with piles of expensive-looking clothes dumped messily at the foot of his bed which made him smile slightly. Achilles was never one for neatness, not unless he had some sort of maid doing it for him.

The boy had hung up many posters of singers, bands, and actors, he had essentially made a new wallpaper for the room through his posters. Patroclus stared at one poster in particular, It was one of Achilles' mother, Thetis, the first ubermodel and insanely rich. In the poster, she stood tall and beautiful as ever dressed in black silks inspiring a sort of awe and fear. His stomach did a flip as he remembered meeting Thetis as a child. Thetis had always disliked him, she did not think him worthy of her son. He shook his head slightly as he continued to inspect the room. There were a few plants around Achilles' desk and bed, As well as a gorgeous lyre, guitar, and flute. He wondered if he asked if Achilles would play for him. Play how his mother used to.

When he was done inspecting Achilles belongings he listened to Achilles talk for a bit before brushing past his still-packed bags to flop face-first into his bed. Achilles continued to ramble on at him but he had long since tuned the other out, he was shattered. All he wanted was to curl up under the covers and go to sleep, he yearned for the warmth of his bed and the-

Suddenly he felt a weight sit on his lower back, and two hands pinning his shoulders down. He struggled complaining loudly as Achilles laughed, saying that 'maybe if he listened he wouldn’t have found himself in this little predicament'.

He could feel Achilles' fingertips pressed into his flesh, could feel the warmth and pressure of their thighs wrapped around his waist. Fiery heat and strange excitement blistered under his skin and he suddenly felt a lump in his throat. He turned his face to try to look at Achilles who only smiled smugly at him. He felt the tension in his stomach build as his heartbeat accelerated slightly. The other sat on him looking at him like that made him nervous, he pushed the thought out of his mind snapping at Achilles as he managed to flip over, bucking his hips as he shoved the other off. He hurried to leave the dorm his skin feeling hot and prickly as he walked down the cool corridors desperate to catch his breath. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hours passed before he returned, he had missed dinner not exactly desiring company right now. When he returned it was dark outside and Achilles was sitting on their balcony with his guitar strumming quietly. He looked up at Patroclus but didn’t say anything. Patroclus just sighed heavily as he clambered into bed exhausted. He shouldn't of snapped or shoved Achilles like that. He couldn't even tell the other why he did that. Could he try explain by talking about how he felt? No. He couldnt. He himself didnt even know what those feelings measnt, why would Achilles. He hoped Achilles wasn't mad. He didn't want them to be angry with him. A familliar sense of regret filled his stomach as he continued to just lie in bed, begging sleep to come give him some much needed relief from his thoughts.

A few minutes passed when the strumming stopped and he heard the others feat pad over lightly. He felt the bed dip as the other curled up beside him, yet they didn’t say anything. They sat in silence before he felt a tender hand weave itself through his hair, nails grazing his scalp gently. The fingers were soft and comforting as they played with the older boy's curls, the pace slow and soothing. Achilles spoke in a tender tone. 

“You missed my birthday” 

Patroclus pauses, thinking about whether he should even reply. He decided he should. 

“I’ve missed the last six”

Achilles doesn’t say anything to that, his hand only faltering for a second before resuming its cautious petting. Patroclus spoke up again.

“June wasn’t it?”

Achilles hums in response to that 

"yeah, the seventh” 

They don’t speak for a while after that. Patroclus still lying down faced away from Achilles while the other carded their fingers through Patroclus' hair. Patroclus then turned to look up at Achilles. He would say it shocked him how pretty the boy looked sitting like that but he only knew Achilles to look beautiful so he wasn’t shocked. Jealousy bubbles up in his stomach the longer he looks. It almost hurts how the other boy is so perfect. He wonders if he has a girlfriend. He should probably ask. 

“Happy birthday Achilles”

Achilles pauses before smiling, his hand leaving the other's hair to caress their throat with his knuckles. Patroclus tenses up at the action not sure what to do. 

“Thank you”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

September 7th 2023

The wind came in cool gusts of autumn air through the open balcony, much to Patroclus' displeasure. He supposed Achilles must have taken off early that morning and forgot to close the door. He frowned as he got up slamming the doors to the balcony closed with a loud crack as the wood collided with each other. He let out a deep sigh, he would have to ask Achilles not to leave it open like that.

He sat on his bed trying to remember his dream. He faintly remembered his mother's funeral and he felt sick. He had dreamt of the days leading up to the service when he had visited her body. He remembered how bad it smelt and how awful her body looked. He remembered how he wept for his mother to wake up, and how his father had yelled at him in the car for being so emotional. His throat choked slightly and he felt hot tears burn in his eyes. He had woken up miserable and angry. What a way to start his first day. His body craved some comfort, anything right now, whether it was kind words or gentle touch he just didn't want to think of his dream. His eyes hungrily searched for a distraction and they landed of Achilles' desk.

He sat at Achilles' desk looking through the draws and notepads. He stayed clear of anything that looked personal simply looking at things like study books which were unsurprisingly full of doodles and notes from friends and such. He found a letter beneath Achilles study books and he opened it confused. It had Achilles name written on the front in cursive and it smelt faintly of perfume, inside he found multiple letters from girls asking Achilles to meet them at different places or asking him who he liked and such. It amused him and he couldn’t help but laugh. Of course, Achilles kept these sort of letters. He eventually found one that was written in the same cursive of the envelope and he supposed that it must have been the letter that originally belonged to the envelope. It was from a Girl signed Deidamiea. Her letter was longer than the rest, Quite a lengthy confession. He put it away neatly and hoped Achilles wouldn’t realize he had found it. Deidamiea’s letter seemed uncomfortably personal and had left him feeling awkward.

He got up turning away to unpack his bags and set up his room before school started. He wouldnt look through Achilles things again, he decided.

He didn't manage much but had soon unloaded all his diaries and journals neatly onto his desk, organizing all his school books in different draws before tackling all his stationery. After that, he had managed to put all his clothes away in the large wooden wardrobe provided for him. He then took the next hour to get ready for school, heading down to the dining pavilion for breakfast. He could feel his stomach knotting as he entered the bustling hall. He queued up the same as everyone else, taking his serving of: toast, fruits, and yogurt with a meek thank you. He scanned the hall finally finding an empty table hurrying to sit down. 

Once sat he became uncomfortably aware of eyes trained on him and the hushed voices of those closer to him, eager to not be heard by Patroclus. He knew there were bound to be rumors of him, he just hoped they weren't anything like his real reason for joining the school so late. After twenty minutes of this most people had lost interest in him, turning back to their friends and resuming the usual chatter. Everyone but one. On the busiest table in the hall was Achilles, girls and boys alike clambered after him, laughing at his jokes, watching him with hopeful eyes. He knew they all wanted Achilles to pay attention to them and it irked him so that Achilles was sat staring like a fool at the brunette. He didn't like how he felt their eyes on his face, he hated that they were just observing him when they had a full table of people desperate for his time and words. Eventually, he looked up in the hopes that when their eyes met the other would turn away but much to his dismay that did not happen. Instead, their eyes locked and Achilles smiled taking it as a challenge. Achilles knew Patroclus would lose to him, he always did- and so he kept his eyes fixed on the others not blinking. When Patroclus grimaced but continued to stare determinedly as if winning this little contest would force the other to look away. Achilles smiled at the other's focus finding it somewhat endearing. Achilles winked at him with a teasing smirk, he knew this would most likely annoy Patroclus. Especially in a crowded place. Patroclus never enjoyed the spotlight and if people caught Achilles Pelides winking at him he would very much be in the spotlight. When Patroclus registered the wink he flipped the other off getting up and storming from the hall. Achilles only laughed, he could hear it above the halls chatter as he exited, clear and sweet as spring water.

Chapter Text

 Friday 7th September 2023 

Briseis had lovely eyes. Briseis was lovely, Patroclus found.

Patroclus had missed his first lesson to go on tour around the school with Briesis seeing as Achilles never actually got around to giving Patroclus a tour. He had felt awkward around the girl at first not sure of how to approach her but had soon warmed up. He found that she was rather similar to himself in some ways, but different enough to keep him interested, the conversation seemed to flow easily with each passing second and he quickly lost his nervous quality.

They talked of many things such as their youth, the school, their shared interest in medicine, what types of books they read and so on. He found out Briseis was from a city called Lyrenessus in Dardania, and told her of Opus. When they discussed their family Briseis told him of her father and three brothers, she did not mention her mother and so he did not pry. He just smiled when asked of his own family and told her he wasn't in contact with them anymore to which she nodded and didn't pry. She asked him questions about the school and what he thought so far, he tried to be as honest as possible when talking about it and she seemed to agree with him for the most part. He found out about her interest in becoming a surgeon when she was older and he had shared his own interest in that career path. They discussed the books they read and the things they wrote, it turned out Briseis also had chosen the same creative writing extracurricular this year.

While the conversation they had was pleasant and smooth he could sense the girl wanted to ask him something. He did not know this because he was used to seeing it in other people, no, People like his parents, his father's companions or his past friends or even Achilles did not hesitate to speak their minds. No, he knew she was hesitating to ask her question because he also did so often. He could tell by the way she listened and talked patiently yet her hands fidgeted, he could tell by the way she looked at him her eyes narrowed slightly in confusion, the way her lips pulled into a sort of half frown when silence blanketed the air. He found it amusing. He wasn't exactly sure why she seemed so nervous to ask him her question. He didn't think he was intimidating or mean-looking, and surely his previous behavior would have eradicated any thoughts of that.

He decided to let silence fall as they walked through one of the many halls before the girl finally spoke. 

"Why him? I'm sorry I don't mean to be rude but how are you friends with someone like Achilles? You seem so nervous and polite and you speak of none of the rubbish he and his friends do." 

The words were quick and curious, they seemed to burst from her lips the way water does a damn.

He took a moment to consider her before responding.

"Achilles is..."

He paused. He wasn't sure how to explain why Achilles acted the way he did, or Achilles' interest in him. He didn't know how to explain that he hated Achilles but didn't really hate him. It was all so confusing to him. The words didn't seem to flow freely anymore, they seemed to get stuck in his mouth as he fell silent. It took him a minute to respond, 

"Honestly? I'm not too sure. I'm not friends with him, not really. I mean he visited my house every summer with his father and well occasionally mother when he was young. I didn't like him growing up. I found him loud and all too nice to me and I suppose he just annoyed me."

She just looked at him a little puzzled and he continued, 

"well, I guess we are friends. but not really. He thinks of me as a friend, sometimes. And the same goes for me. We are somewhat childhood friends, but not really. Like he's interesting uhm... definitely unique, he's talented and beautiful sure but at the same time he's just agitating, and something about him gets on my nerves, like an itch you just can't scratch."

She nodded in understanding slowly.

" I see. complicated huh?" 

He laughed and nodded. it took her a few seconds before she spoke up again. 

"he spoke of you quite fondly while I waited for you in the office. He seemed annoyed that you might have left to hang out with me instead of him. And I mean- he never acts like that I don't think. All those people fawning over him and he doesn't bat an eye but he seemed so happy to speak of you and so pissed off at the fact he might not be the one you wanted to tour him around the school. I don't know. It made me curious I guess. I wanted to understand why he seemed so set on chasing after you when he could pretty much have anyone else he wanted," 

Patroclus nods in understanding at that. He really does understand that. He had spent many nights trying to figure that out himself. He never grasped why Achilles seemed so desperate for his time and words yet was so teasing and mean to him at the same time. He had long decided the other liked to get reactions out of him, decided that for whatever reason, Achilles was interested in him.

When he was a young boy, about seven when Achilles' parents were divorcing and Thetis was at in the kitchen of his house he had stammered out a question to her asking why Achilles seemed so intent on bothering him and chasing him. The woman had frowned in displeasure, her words were still stiff and cold yet not as mean as he had thought they would be. She spoke calmly and said her son grew obsessions for many things she didn't understand or care for such as sports or music, that it could just be the case that Patroclus was one of those obsessions. He had stared at her for a while before joining her at the table to think. He had noticed how Achilles was apathetic and distant to anything that seemed to bore him including people. Achilles had never called him interesting. When he had asked him what he thought of the brunette the blonde didn't answer. He came back half an hour later holding a thesaurus and said he found Patroclus surprising, he said his soul was elysian. Patroclus didn't know what elysian meant. He should probably look it up after all these years.

Thetis had watched him for a small while before placing a hand on his shoulder squeezing. She then spoke in a surprisingly gentle voice, 'Don't worry, he''ll forget his little obsession as quickly as it has come' before leaving. He wasn't exactly sure whether that was meant to comfort or discourage him. he guessed it must have been a combination of both. He didn't see her again after that summer. He was glad not to see her but wondered what she would say now if he asked the same question. would she still declare Achilles' interest in him as a phase or obsession? would she say something different? He didn't know.

The last time he had seen her was on the cover of Vogue, with Achilles two years ago when he was 14. He had been in the store when he saw it. He felt his stomach drop as he looked at the photo. Achilles may have had his father's skin and hair and a sense of warm invitation but he had his mother's sharp features, had her aura of superiority and divine individuality. He had never looked at Achilles before and thought him anything less of the sun but when he saw them together like that, Achilles looking so grown up and like his mother at 14, it had made him feel sick in a weird way.

He stood staring at that photo for a good twenty minutes. He didn't like how beautifully intimidating he looked next to his mother like that. He had shaken his head and thought how that wasn't his Achilles, not the one he knew. Not the one whose smile was like light and whose laugh was like the warmth of summer, whose eyes were both the ocean and the promise of spring at the same time. Not his. He then felt oddly empty when he realized how long it had been since he last saw the boy. how he wasn't his friend anymore. How he never really had been. Only in the summer did Achilles belong to him as his friend. and that was no more.

He changed stores after that.

He turned to Briseis nodding.

"yeah. I know, he's really not so bad. he can be like... sweet? sometimes." 

Briseis snorted at that letting out a cackle to which he glowered at her playfully, elbowing her in the ribs but she only smiled at him. 

Sunday 16th September 2023

He had spent his whole day with Briseis. and then the next, and the next, and the next. Soon it had been his first week at school and his first two weekends. He had found it hard at first but the constant distraction of extracurriculars, homework, classes, tests, new friends, and such kept him busy.

It was easy to forget his troubles when he had a friend like Briseis She helped him in class when needed and pointed out different people explaining who they were. He didn't remember most of them, only remembering Deidamia, whom he knew as Achilles' admirer, and another boy Hector. 

He quite liked Hector, they sat next to each other in History and he had met Hector's girlfriend Andromache. They had both been casual and kind to him and he appreciated it greatly. It was nice to have people he could joke with in class and say hi to in hallways.

He had told Achilles of it one night before bed and he had only raised his eyebrows as if to ask 'Really?'. He didn't bring Hector up after that having learned his lesson when Achilles got bored and asked if Patroclus had a crush on Hector. He had gotten quite snappy towards the brunette and made fun of him. He felt stupid for admitting it but it hurt his feelings when the other talked to him like that, when they mocked him for simply being excited about something. He hadn't slept in the dorm that night, instead falling asleep in the library by accident after storming out of the dorm. When he returned in the morning and laid down, Achilles had sat next to him, hands petting at his hair. He caught on quickly that Achilles did this as some sort of silent apology. It annoyed him that the other could tell he was upset but it was so hard to stay mad when the other was warm and used gentle hands to touch him. He found that he yearned for the feel of the other's skin and nimble fingers against his scalp, he craved the comfort he drew from it. He would never tell a living soul but he adored those quiet moments at dusk in the silence and darkness of their dorm when Achilles would climb into his bed, or sit on their balcony and play quiet music for him, or when the other would come in late at night slightly tipsy to readjust the boy's duvet for him or move the hair from his forehead before collapsing in his bed exhausted.

He couldn't stand Achilles usually, all his teasing and snarky comments got on his nerves but then again Achilles was familiar. He was something constant and normal for Patroclus to cling to during difficult times. 

Achilles had so far been relentless in his attempt to force Patroclus to hang out with him. He would ask Patroclus to go to town with him or to eat with him or even come watch Achilles race during his athletics club. This confused Patroclus, he could never figure out why Achilles did this. He knew if he went the other would be watching him trying to gauge a reaction and so that was what he settled for, he decided that Achilles' attempts were only so he could watch Patroclus, watch him embarrass himself, or get annoyed, and so on.

Right now Achilles was nowhere to be seen, when Patroclus had asked him where he was leaving at 10 at night he had just smirked and laughed. He had told Patroclus he was going to his girlfriends. Patroclus had looked confused for a second before it seemed to click, he had flushed and stammered out a response which just made Achilles laugh more. He rolled his eyes and told Patroclus he'd understand one day. Achilles condescending tone and behavior had bothered Patroclus but he had let it go. He knew he could have a girlfriend if he wanted, but he didn't really feel interested in any of the girls here. Not that he didn't find them pretty he just wasn't interested in pursuing them. He stood up and headed out of the dorm to one of the common rooms. He wanted to go talk to Briseis if he could. 

Monday 17th September  2023

It was a warm autumn evening and Patroclus was sat at his desk when Achilles came in with the mail. Mail was delivered to the front desk and would be given to students by staff during dinner every week. This time he handed Patroclus two letters. He opened the first one a little shocked. He had seen the familiar scrawl on the envelope, undoubtedly curved and flawless yet slightly rushed, Achilles handwriting. 

He eyed the other who beamed at him. He opened the 'letter' a little bemused as his eyes scanned the text.

Hey Patroclus. 

My mother has told me that in January she wishes for me to return to her and work on my modeling portfolio. 

I've been asked to walk for a brand she's worked closely with in the past few years. 

She said it would look good for me to have a girl accompany me. 

Come with me for moral support? (you owe me. For all the times I helped you sneak out as a kid to go explore the town during summer) 

You have two options to answer my request. yes, or, omg of course!

-Achilles

"what about your girlfriend?"

His tone was slightly irritable and snappy but that only made the other laugh, 

"She's not really my girlfriend. just someone I have sex with. come on, come with me. my dad would be happy to see you again rather than some girl I decide to bring."

He had looked at Achilles whose eyes were laser-focused on his every move. He paused before slowly nodding. 

"Okay. I can go I guess." 

It hadn't taken much convincing for Patroclus to come. On one hand, part of him wanted to be petty and turn his nose up at the offer but on the other hand, he felt flattered by the offer.

Achilles had grinned at that and hurried off to phone his father about his decision on who to bring. Patroclus stared at the door where the boy had just left. He should have just said no. Achilles should bring a girl he thought. Dealing with Thetis after so long would not be fun at all. He sighed eyes flitting towards the other letter and his blood went cold. That was his father's handwriting, he tore the letter open quickly. 

Any remaining possessions of yours or your mother's have been destroyed.

Do not return here ever, there is nothing left for you.

Two sentences. He reads them over and over and feels like he can't be reading them right. Everything gone? how could everything be gone? 

At some point, Achilles comes in but he ignores him. Everything is gone. Any photos he left behind or childhood drawings or clothes or blankets and so on were gone. Not that there was ever much to begin with but it was gone. A slow dull ache started in the pit of his stomach as he read the words again. Achilles was standing behind him now and he was sure he too was now reading the letter. 'this is what a son should be' is what his father had said about Achilles. This wouldn't have happened if he was a better son. If he was more like Achilles his whole life would of been different.

His eyes desperately search the paper again. 'Do not return here ever'. That was it. not that he ever particularly wanted to go back but now he never would. The house of his childhood is gone. The city his mother loved, was gone. Those beaches he spent with his mother were gone. gone gone gone gone. And not coming back, ever. 

"Your father... he-. He's refusing you?"

Achilles sounded a little shocked. of course, he was shocked, Achilles had never given his own father a reason to feel like this. not the way Patroclus had. Achilles had not killed a boy, or failed, Achilles was not boring or ugly either. Achilles didn't know Patroclus was a killer.

Patroclus let out a hoarse laugh at that. He wasn't sure why but the genuine shock in Achilles' tone made Patroclus laugh. He should not be so shocked he thought, he knew Patroclus, knew what he was like.

"...Patroclus"

Achilles' voice was softer now, quieter. It was mournful and full of pity as he looked down at Patroclus who had stopped laughing when he heard his name. it only took a minute before Sobs wrack his body and he weeps as Achilles moves to help him stand, walking him to his bed. When he sits on the bed he can barely breathe for sobbing and he is scared he will suffocate. He can feel his lungs and throat grow tight with a lack of air as he continues to cry into Achilles' shoulder, and for a brief moment, he is filled with instinctual panic. At another moment he decided he didn't care, suffocating wouldn't be that bad if it meant he would die. 

He doesn't die, however. Only sobs into Achilles' shoulder for an indefinite amount of time. Achilles lets him and rubs his back soothingly with one hand as the other cries. He doesn't exactly know what he's crying for, memories of a house he hated? a father who hates him? the place he killed a boy? the boy he killed? the ghost of his mother? it doesn't matter. It's over now. Opus was no longer and he would never return. Achilles whispers kind words to him as he begins to quiet down.

Eventually, he settles and pulls back from the other embarrassed. His throat is raw, his skin is flushed a deep red, his nose is blocked, and his head pounds. Achilles gets up to bring him some water and while he drinks Achilles attempts to clean up his face for him. After about ten minutes he calms down again and just lies down in bed. He didn't say anything and neither does Achilles. 

After a minute Achilles grabs the pillow off his bed from across the room, throwing it down next to Patroclus and climbing under the covers with him. Patroclus lets them but turns to face away. He didn't want to be looked at anymore. He felt the other sit up and lean over him, felt soft, supple lips briefly pressed to his forehead, and Felt nimble fingers push his curls away before they lay back down. He turned to face the other after that, A little confused. Was the other trying to soothe him? He doubted Achilles' parents had ever done that for him to calm him down, he could not imagine it. Where had the other seen that? It didn't matter that much, weird or not weird Patroclus appreciated the attempt all the same. He reached out interlocking their fingers, grasping for the other's hand. The other seemed shocked at that but smiled all the same. 

After some time Patroclus slipped into sleep exhausted, his breaths slow and steady as is the rise and fall off his chest. His face was still flushed slightly and his eyelashes were clumped together with tears. Achilles lay there watching him for a while, thumb rubbing down the side of the other's hand. 

They fell asleep together like that, hands joined in between them. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday 18th September 2023

Light crept in from the once again open balcony doors, really Achilles needed to learn to close them. With each passing day drawing winter in closer and closer leaving the doors open would soon be a problem. Patroclus could faintly hear birds chirping outside as he slept, low and sweet sounding and he found he didn't seem to mind as much. It was warm. So unbelievably warm for an October morning. He peeled his eyes open to see what time it was and was met with a sight he wasn't expecting.

Achilles' face is a breadth away from his, it is soft with sleep and lovely in the faint rays of early morning light. He can feel them lying on top of his arm, feel their leg slotted between his own. He can feel the way their breaths come in soft puffs of warm air, he can feel their hair on his arm, it tickles slightly yet is not unpleasant. He realizes his own hand is gripping their waist, fingers slipped beneath the hem of their shirt. Their skin is so warm and inviting. It takes him a couple of minutes of watching in silence to seem to realize what they are doing. He is in bed, cuddling up to a boy who he's not even sure he likes as a friend, on a Tuesday morning, after a night of bawling his eyes out to said boy.

He startles away pulling his hand from their waist as if he had been burned. He felt dirty for lying here like that. He doubted Achilles knew what they had spent the night doing. He wasn't sure how Achilles would react. Would he be mad or would he just brush it off and laugh about it? He tries to tug his other arm from the boy but they're a dead weight when asleep like this, their thigh moves slightly between his own and he half yells half whispers their name in panic. Achilles stirs at that and so he repeats himself. His face is mortified and embarrassed when the other opens their eyes to look at him. The blonde just looks at him with a look of exasperation. 

"Patroclus calm down. Gods, it's like your fucking thirteen or something."

Patroclus feels a little humiliated at that but as soon as the other rolls away from him to curl up by themselves on the other side of the bed he gets up, stumbling slightly over a pair of shoes as he looks to his desk. He had meant to look for his phone which he was sure he had left there to charge the night before when he saw it. The letter. He feels that sense of dread and misery wash over him as his eyes trace the ink. He stood behind his desk chair looking at it mournfully, any previous feelings of happiness or content has been extinguished.

Part of him had stupidly wished the letter was some sort of fucked up nightmare.

It all just seemed so sudden and he struggled to deal with the reality. Deep down he knew he should have been expecting this for a long time coming now and yet he hadn't. He had spent years trying to find his father's love, he had searched in the deep purple of the bruises his father inflicted, he searched for it every time his father's hand raised itself to strike him for 'Patroclus' own good', he had tried to find it when his father allowed him to attend events with him, he had searched for it in every public event where his father would smile at him and say he was proud. However, he knew not everything could be romanticized or a metaphor for something else, in reality, the purple bruises his father used to give him were not from an act of kindness or an attempt to teach Patroclus they came from cruelty. His father's hands were not worth romanticizing when all they had done was inflict pain and his father's false words were not for him but for the public. Nothing of his father was kind, he should have expected this outcome, he was stupid for crying. That was all.

He looks to Achilles who is still lying in bed, basking in the early sun like a cat, however, his eyes are now alert and attentive, following Patroclus every move.

".....you alright?"

He stared at them and he could feel irritation bubble under his skin. No, of course, he wasn't okay. He didn't think he had been for years now, what a stupid question. Besides what did it matter? Achilles would never understand this sort of pain for he had never failed or disappointed anyone. He wanted to yell at Achilles about how it wasn't fair and how he wished to be alone. He wanted to scream at them about how he felt, wanted to yell until he lost his voice. He wanted to hit them and cry until they felt how he did.

He did not do any of that.

Instead, he tried to think of how the other had held him last night and comforted him while he wept, how they had been gentle and kind to him, and how they didn't deserve to be yelled at like that.

Deep breaths as he stared at Achilles. 

Achilles seemed to pick up on the whirlwind of emotions in Patroclus for he got up muttering a gentle apology. He moved close to Patroclus gently swiping at hot thick tears he hadn't even realized had been there with his thumb. Patroclus drew them in for a hug and they stood there for a long time. He took what could have been seconds or years to try to memorize the other. The smell of sea and pomegranates, the warmth of their skin, the softness of their hair, how their body felt pressed against his own. Patroclus had never realized just how much he seemed to desire touch and comfort before now. 

When they pulled away Achilles smiled at him in the sort of sickeningly fond way that made Patroclus crinkle his nose and grimace. Achilles seemed to laugh at that. 

"Come with me to town. We can catch the morning train and I can take you somewhere nice okay?"

"You don't have to do this you know, I won't be angry if you go spend the day with your friends"

"I want to" 

"Why?"

"Because I like you"

"We're friends- or at least I'd like to be your friend."

"Don't do that to yourself" 

"Well I don't want to do anything else, so." 

His voice is almost petulant and childish now as he glares at the older boy playfully. 

"I can't stand you."

"Wouldn't have it any other way" 

"Prick. We can't go out anyway, we have classes, and students aren't-"

"Yeah, yeah whatever. I'll just tell my father we need to go take a break. He won't be happy but at the same time if he agrees to let us go no one else will try to stop us. Go get ready. I'm going to go deal with my father now"

Achilles took off shortly after that leaving Patroclus to go get ready. He showered and got dressed, then dried his hair off. He followed the small routines he had grown accustomed to then sat himself down in bed and waited. 

About half an hour of wallowing in pity and waiting passed until Achilles returned. He grew annoyed at how long he was forced to wait but at least the other was ready.

They eventually arrived at the train station. It was a large building with a lot of windows allowing the sun to filter through onto the people below. The noise was deafening, the sound of feet scuffing the ground, the sound of heels click-clacking against the tiles, the chatter of busy people on their way to work and worst of all the sound of trains occasionally racing through the station and people clambering to get to the doors, eager to try to find a seat. It was unbearably cold in the station and it smelt of damp and stagnant air. He wished he had worn something warmer. 

Achilles had grabbed Patroclus' hand eagerly when their train arrived, dragging him through the masses of people, keen to grab a seat. Much to Achilles' disappointment he had not grabbed a seat in time. Patroclus had however and took the opportunity to tease Achilles about it. Achilles had only raised his eyebrows and said that he didn't care and would just sit on his lap if he grew too tired to stand. Patroclus scrunched his nose at that and promptly told him to piss off, Achilles found it hilarious and just grinned at him. 

A few stops in when someone next to Patroclus had gotten up from their seat Achilles had sat himself down. He leaned against Patroclus' shoulder almost immediately after sitting down. Patroclus thought about trying to push them off but just sighed and knew it wouldn't be much use if he did.

Achilles had decided to take Patroclus to a cafe to start their day.

It was warm and cozy inside and smelt of lavender and sea breeze. It was lit by warm yellow lamps and quite a few candles. Potted flowers were littered around the small building and faint music played in the background. He couldn't seem to catch the words over the faint chatter and bustle of the cafe, all he could tell was that the woman who was singing's voice was soft and honeyed, a little raspy at certain parts. 

He and Achilles sat down in a plush booth after ordering a couple of drinks. Achilles talked quietly to Patroclus but the boy couldn't seem to focus. The warmth and smell of lavender made him tired. As he looked out the window by their booth to watch the assortment of business women and men hurry through cobbled streets on their way to work, he felt a foot collide with his leg. He turned his head, brows furrowed to look at Achilles who only returned his stare. His eyes weren't narrowed in displeasure or annoyance at him like he expected- no, instead they were hesitant.

"We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. We can just sit here together until you feel up to anything else.”

Patroclus paused and raised his eyebrow at that, he was a little surprised Achilles was being so thoughtful. How unlike him. He supposed the other pitied him? He felt slightly embarrassed that the other had comforted him last night and was not trying to have him do so again.

He shook his head. Part of him was grateful for the white noise of Achilles' voice anyway.

"It's fine. keep talking. you have a nice voice anyway" 

He mumbled that last part glancing away until he felt an impatient tap against his leg from Achilles' foot. When he locked eyes with the other again they smiled, 

"Thanks, I like your mole, the one under your ear." 

Patroclus laughed at that. what an odd thing to compliment. I mean literally anything else was an option and he picked a mole? 

"wow Achilles, my mole, you really know how to stroke a guy's ego huh?"

Patroclus responded in a more upbeat, playful voice now, a small smile of his own adorning his lips.

"I'm good at stroking other things too you know." 

Achilles voice was now silvery and innocently soft, Patroclus' eyes widened after a split second and he choked on his drink, he leant away from the table coughing into his elbow as he shot Achilles an exasperated look. Seriously, why now, of all times would he say something like that? Achilles just sat there brows furrowed with feigned confusion, as if he had no clue of what he had just said to Patroclus meant. 

When Patroclus had recovered from his coughing fit he didn't say anything, just sat there sipping on his drink huffily. Everything that was going on right now and the other decided flirting was the most appropriate thing to do.

"so... that mole-" 

"Will you do me a favour and fucking shut up?" 

He muttered glaring at the other, pulling his legs away and under his chair sharply when he felt the other knock their feet against his. Achilles only rolled his eyes at that and pouted slightly.

"Oh stop crying about it, it was funny!"

"It's not funny."

"It so is. Watching you act like I just said the most unimaginably dirty thing and having a fit over it when all I was actually doing was lightly flirting is very funny"

Patroclus kicked the other in the shin at that, earning a small whine as the other bent over to rub their leg. He narrowed his eyes when the other sat back up looking at him as if expecting an apology of sorts. 

"....hitting people isn't nice Patroclus." 

"That's too bad I guess." 

Patroclus deadpanned his voice fat and uninterested now. He sat his drink back down on the slightly sticky wooden table in front of him.

"you know some people think moles are where your lover kissed you in your past life" 

Patroclus looked up at that nodding his head slightly

"That's a nice thought i guess. Do you have any moles?"

"No. Do you think that means no one loved me before or that this is my first life?"

Patroclus paused for that. He couldn't imagine a world where Achilles wasn't gorgeous, couldn't imagine one where no one loved him. 

"I don't think no one loved you. More likely this is your first life."

"Now who's flirting-"

Patroclus raised one unimpressed eyebrow and the other quickly apologized before continuing.

"Sorry, sorry. .. maybe you'd like to give me a mole? You know for my next life- so next time I know it's not my first..?"

Patroclus' chair scraped against the wooden floor loudly as he got up, excusing himself to the bathroom, his elbow smacking against Achilles head as he walked past earning a small yelp.

They were now stood on the stone doorsteps of the cafe contemplating what to do. They had spent the first hour of their day in the cafe talking- and by talking it was really just Achilles teasing Patroclus and trying to distract him. 

They stood and watched as rain came down in icy sheets against the cobbled pavements of the city, and watched the empty streets as cars occasionally drove through, splashing water against anything nearby. Patroclus had his coat wrapped tightly around him, the bitter winds that came with the rain were starting to take their toll. Achilles, the fool had not brought a coat and was now stood shivering slightly, pressed up against Patroclus. 

"what do we do now? it's awful outside- and by the looks of it you're gonna catch cold-"

"I say we run. just run until we find somewhere we can wait the rain out." 

"Are you stupid? run? We'll get soaked Achilles, you idiot-"

"Come on! Live a little, getting wet won't kill me."

Patroclus disagreed with that statement. The way the other was stood shivering, arms wrapped around themselves he thought getting soaked might actually finish the blonde off. He didn't voice that thought though. Achilles was stubborn and petty, and if he was willing to get sick over this it was his fault not Patroclus', who frankly could care less if Achilles got sick. 

"Okay, okay. We can run."

Achilles reached out for his hand which he hesitantly accepted. He was not as fast as Achilles, they would have to run slower for him. 

"Run slower if you want to hold hands. I'm not as fast as you" 

"Okay. Deal"

And so they ran, they made it about a street down running through the icy rain hand in hand, nearly slipping a couple of times. A few people watched them curiously as they tore down the streets. He could feel a laugh bubble up from his throat as they ran, getting wet didn't seem too bad anymore. Patroclus eventually spotted the entrance to a large building with a sign saying 'flea market' and he tugged the other's hand pulling them underneath the stone roof covering the entrance.

Achilles collided in to him messily as they stepped back seeking cover from the rain, his hand had wrapped around patroclus back, his other hand still laced with Patroclus'. They stood like that, locked in a gentle embrace as they laughed and tried to catch their breaths. When they parted he looked to the other and laughed

"Your hair" 

"It's all messy" 

Achilles scoffed at that.

 
"Like yours is any better"

"Well my hair is always messy, yours isn't, that's why it's so strange. It still looks nice though so stop pouting"

Achilles frowned and patted at his hair in an attempt to tame the few stray hairs that had frizzed up underneath the rain

"Oh come on- I was joking. stop trying to fix it, it looks fine. Barely even affected by the rain"

 "But it is messy! Like a little bit at least. Braid my hair for me? Since it's your fault it's wet"

"It is not my fault. You're the one who decided running through the rain was a good idea" 

"Yeah, but you didn't stop me. You know I'm not responsible! Come on plait it, please" 

He sighed and rolled his eyes. When he was younger he had learnt how to braid hair solely because Achilles wore his hair like that often. It had been some weak attempt of his to impress the boy and he had been rewarded greatly, that summer Achilles had asked him almost daily to do his hair for him. Even now it seems he still asked.

"Fine, turn around" 

Achilles obliged and he then spent the next few minutes very carefully plaiting the boy's hair for him, he was conscious not to tug or knot their hair by accident, his fingers worked quickly and gently. 

"All done. Good now?" 

"Very good"

They entered the building and were greeted by a massive hall, it was full of stands and stalls of people selling different products and was rammed full of people trying to shop. The air was slightly musty in here and warm. Achilles had grabbed onto his hand so they didn't get separated as they walked around. About ten minutes passed and they were stood in front of a jewelry stand, Achilles fixated on a small silver ring, that had some sort of green stone in the middle. Achilles had tried it on and shown Patroclus asking what he had thought. Patroclus had nodded saying it was very pretty, matching Achilles eyes perfectly. Achilles nodded and paid for the ring before forcing it into Patroclus's palm insisting he keep it. Patroclus rolled his eyes at that but accepted it all the same. 

After about twenty minutes of checking out different stalls, he had argued with Achilles who looked like they might drop dead from cold at any given moment to wear his coat. Achilles kept whining about not needing it but eventually gave in and wore Patroclus' coat.

They had spent two hours there working their way through the massive hall. After that Achilles had taken him to a bookstore saying that he thought Patroclus would enjoy it. Patroclus had enjoyed it greatly, the store was quiet and peaceful and he had left with a book Achilles had bought him as a present. He had wanted to spend more time in the quaint store but could tell Achilles was getting ansty so he hurriedly made his decision on what book he wanted.

After that, they had then spent the remainder of their day in a mall of Achilles choice. When they left it was dark outside and bitter cold. They had made their way back to the considerably less crowded train station and nearly missed their train. Once on the train, they had sat down beside each other, Achilles leaning against him.

The boy had fallen asleep against his shoulder.He took it upon himself to watch him and make sure he was okay. When he had looked up from the sleeping boy he had noticed a man looking at Achilles smiling. The man was scruffy-looking and Patroclus could smell the beer radiating from him. The man didn't even notice Patroclus' gaze, his eyes trained almost hungrily on the sleeping boy. Patroclus felt a wave of nausea as he looked at the man. He was reminded of his first day at school when Mrs Vasileiou was looking at Achilles. The way they looked at him was almost predatory. They looked almost in awe of the boy but not in a friendly way. It made his stomach turn. He knew Achilles was pretty- ethereal in fact but he still felt a little shocked when he realized why the man looked at Achilles like that. He wrapped an arm around Achilles' waist now, fingers curling into the shirt he wore. He felt Achilles stir slightly at the touch letting out a slight huff. The man frowned at Patroclus and got off at the next stop. 

Patroclus didn't move his arm for the rest of the ride.

They arrived back at the school and headed to their dorm. Achilles talked to him lazily all the way completely unaware of how Patroclus was feeling. Once in their dorm, Patroclus had gotten changed into joggers and a tank top and then sat down in his bed to do some homework. Achilles had joined him not long after insisting that Patroclus' bed was nicer than his. 

After ten minutes, there was a knock on the door and a girl walked in. She was short and fair, her hair was long and dark, it fell in neat curls down her back and she had a sly smile. She was beautiful, breathtaking almost but it seemed she only had eyes for the blonde who had fallen asleep sprawled out next to the sitting Patroclus. She looked at him after a pause.

"Patroclus... that's your name?" 

"...Yeah," 

"Your not-." 

"Sorry. Achilles described you as like some sort of angel. I wasn't expecting you to look like that,"

Her voice was falsely sweet and innocent, it annoyed him. Surely she knew who he was and what he looked like by now. On his first day everyone had been talking about him. He wasn't sure what sort of impression she was trying to make but he didn't like her. She seemed mean.

"...Okay." 

"Tell him Deidamia came to visit. I need to talk to him about something"

"...uhm. Alright. I will."

After that she had left, the door closing with a small click. He looked to the sleeping boy. He should of just woken him up. 

Chapter Text

I'm not too sure when I will next be posting, I'm on holiday until like January 10th.

I will hopefully get another chapter out between Friday-Wednesday(23rd-28th)

but I'm honestly not sure, every day I'm going to be really busy and I also have covid so I'm feeling quite sick.

Sorry again, Happy Christmas :D (if you celebrate!)

see you soon :) - thanks for the support so far <3

!UPDATE! 

8/1/24- Happy new year! I’m working on the new chapter today! Will be out soon, sorry for the wait, had a few really busy days

Chapter Text

Wednesday 19th September 2023 

Patroclus had spent his morning watching the sleeping blonde next to him, something was calming about having the other so close to him. He hadn't had much sleep but the comfort of their touch had soothed his tired mind. He enjoyed the gentle sleepy talk from the other, enjoyed the fact they seemed to curl into him. They were warm and quiet. What's not to like?

He eased himself from the bed as quietly as possible and hastily got ready. He wanted to try to reach the dining hall before it got busy. 

Once ready he pulled the cover over Achilles and made sure he was comfortable before he left.

The school was fairly normal that day, A boy named Paris had started handing out flyers for his Halloween party.

Patroclus found this a bit dramatic considering the day was over a month away but Briseis quickly informed him that Paris was always like this. He was known for hosting expensive, lavish parties and balls filled with dancing, music, and all-you-can-drink alcohol.

Briseis made snide remarks about Paris, it seemed she did not approve of his luxurious, wasteful habits, she rambled on all through chemistry about how she hated spoilt rich kids, how they never realized there's more to life than daddys money and sex, and drugs.

Towards the end of her tangent, she looked at him awkwardly, mumbling something about not including Patroclus in that. He found the statement to be so bizarre and far off from the truth he couldn't help but laugh. Clearly, Briseis had the wrong impression of his life before boarding school. His father had never given him the freedom or money for that sort of life and he most definitely did not have access to any of that stuff now. He explained that to Briseis briefly and she cracked a relieved smile. He did agree with her. Many of the kids in this school came from wealthy, well-respected families and seemed to care more about relationships and parties than grades. He had always found it a little strange how their parents were so laid back about their kid's bad behavior yet he had to admit he was a little envious. He thinks it would of been nice to get to experience proper teenage parties like that. Maybe he would experience them now. He made a mental note to grab one of those flyers later, he wanted in. He had decided that he would experience getting wasted and making out with strangers and such just so he could get the experience at least once. He wasn't stupid, he wouldn't make a habit of it. He just wanted to see why others his age enjoyed it so much.

After they completed their classes Briseis had come to his dorm during dinner and studied with him, her sitting on the floor in front of him and Achilles lying bored beside Patroclus ,who was sitting in bed. 

"explain how the lungs are adapted to their purposes?" 

Briseis asked loudly. She had been testing him for an upcoming biology test on exchange and transport much to Achilles bordem. It seemed Achilles could care less about tests and more about the fact he didn't have Patroclus undivided attention.  

He answered, racking his brain for any information he could think of, getting 5/6 points on the question. 

Just as Briseis was talking Achilles very loudly sighed and laid his head dramatically on Patroclus' lap. Briseis gritted her teeth at that and scowled. She was not a fan of Achilles' disruptive behavior. Patroclus just played with the boy's hair hoping to satiate their need for attention. This seemed to work well until Achilles grew bored and declared that he needed to go find more interesting people. Patroclus just hummed idly and told him Deidamia wanted to see him. He smirked at that and left the dorm with a little more bounce in his step.

Briseis was happy of his departure, she even let them take a break from their flashcards she was so happy.

Thursday  20th September 2023

Soft thuds of fists hitting punching bags emanated around the stuffy gymnasium, it was dimly lit and silent in there apart from the pants and thumps of the present students.

Patroclus didn't regret picking boxing club. Sure it was unpleasantly warm in the boxing gym and the other members weren't the greatest but there was something oddly therapeutic about the activity. The way his arms burnt after every Thursday, how exhausted he was after each session and the fact he excelled in the sport made him rather fond of it. Growing up he wasn't particularly fast or talented in many sports. He hadn't expected to grow stronger or bigger when he was younger, though it seemed as he had gotten older he had started to fill out more. He had grown taller and broader through his early teenage years, he had acquired more muscle definition too.

At first, Patroclus wasn't a fan of all the changes, after his first initial growth spurt he had felt awkward and lanky and once he had started gaining muscle and getting more toned he felt embarrassed. He wasn't a big fan of his body but he had grown less resentful of it as time went on.

A sharp whistle ripped through the warm air as Patroclus and the other students came to a halt. There were a few matches scheduled tonight, and an unwilling Patroclus had been forced into one of them by his gym coach. He had only found out yesterday that he was expected to fight and he was not very pleased by it. He had come back to his dorm ranting and raving about the unfairness of it all and how stupid it sounded. Achilles had only waited patiently for him to stop before speaking up. He had informed Patroclus that in any type of self-defense-related club, they were expected to participate in matches every few months. He explained that each club would host a few nights during those nights where other students could come watch the matches for entertainment. The thought made his stomach churn, he was scared he would be humiliated in front of all the spectators.

The coach had started announcing who would be fighting against whom that night and Patroclus found himself paired up with a boy named Antilochus. Patroclus was unsure about the boy yet he didn't dislike him. Antilochus was one of Achilles' many friends. Not one of his admirers, but one of his friends- one of the ones Achilles seemed to genuinely like. He always smiled and greeted Patroclus the same way he would great Achilles though Patroclus remained reserved around him. Patroclus tended to stay reserved around other students though, not just Antilochus. He had grown wary of the majority especially the ones Achilles didn't like. When Achilles disapproved of someone he made sure Patroclus heard. He glanced at Antilochus who beamed at him in a challenging way, his eyebrows furrowed as he turned back to the coach. Antilochus was fairly popular and attractive, and very talented. Patroclus felt anxiety bubble in his stomach at the thought of fighting the boy and had to take a few breaths to rid the feeling. Antilochus was talented but so was he. His coach said he was anyway. 

The coach gave a long speech afterwards informing them of how the night would work. There would be four matches tonight, each with an hour slot. The event began at seven pm after dinner and each participating member was expected to come find the coach to pick up there outfits and gloves. After that they would warm up and the event would start. if your match was placed in slot 3/4 you were allowed to skip the first initial matches until your own was due. As it turned out Patroclus was assigned slot two at eight pm. Plenty of time to ready himself. 

When his coach finished he departed from the gymnasium in a hurried manner and down to his dorm. 

The stands that had been set up in the main sports hall were packed full of excitable students, they cheered and talked noisily as they chewed on cheap strong-smelling sweets. The lights were bright and many were filming the matches, the walkways were packed and difficult to navigate, and the excitement and fun of it all filled the air. 

Patroclus resided by the main door nervously. He had just gotten dressed into the boxing clothes the school had ordered for him and felt slightly self-conscious now. He stood gulping in deep breaths of fresh air as he picked at his nails anxiously when all of a sudden a familiar blonde crashed into him.

He caught them a little startled, and hugged them back before pulling away. Achilles beamed at him and chattered excitedly. Patroclus didn't particularly care for Achilles rambling or showing off but he found it sweet all the same. He was happy they wanted to watch him, besides Achilles was a good distraction from the fact he might get his ass kicked in front of the entire school. He didn't know exactly how much time he spent talking with the blonde but soon the first match ended and he was up. The last match had only lasted 46 minutes and he hoped his would be shorter. 

The blonde gave him a final hug before shoving him toward the ring where the referee seemed to be introducing the next competitors 

Half an hour had passed. He was still stood in the ring. His head hammered from the roar of the crowds and the adrenaline. He had been hit. A lot. Too much. His body wasn't used to the constant abuse and he felt woozy. He was lightheaded and exhausted and seemed closer to giving up as time went on.

Antilochus was good. very good. He was quick and nimble yet packed a powerful punch. Patroclus was also fast and way stronger, he just wasnt used to these sorts of events yet.

The constant flashing lights and screaming seemed to be taking a toll on him. He wanted to end the match. Yet he didn't want to lose. He knew if he could hold out for a little longer he could win. Antilochus seemed to be getting tired, and Patroclus punches seemed to do a lot more damage than Antilochus'. 

Another fifteen minutes passed and Patroclus was finally declared winner. He made sure someone came to check on Antilochus, and briefly looked up at the screeching students before staggering out the ring. His ears were ringing and his whole body ached. His skin was hot and prickly, uncomfortably sweaty too. 

He had seeked peace and quiet in the now empty changing rooms, leaning against the cold tiled walls gratefully. Their coldness seeped through his skin and eased the heat. His skin was burning hot to the touch and coated his a thick sheen of sweat. He should take a shower, a cold one as soon as possible. The heat was unbearable and itchy yet he tried to come down from the adrenaline before taking his shower. The silence of the room was soothing to his throbbing head and the chilly autumn air was welcome more then ever.

Now in the silent emptiness of the room, it became apparent just how much his body hurt. His muscles ached in an almost pleasurable way from the exercise, his skin was bruised and sore from being pummeled by his opponent's fists and his face hurt the most. In his fight, he had acquired a busted lip, bruising, and a sharp gash around his temple. His head ached from a mix of adrenaline and pain. His breathing grew deeper as he let out a few soft pained groans as he moved away from the walls.

Achilles sauntered in a pleased grin on his face. He went on and on in praising Patroclus far more the he deserved, fawning over him the entire time. He had bought him a bag of ice and a cold drink which he much appreciated. He let the other chatter at him excitedly finding it almost endearing. He was pleased they enjoyed themselves at the match even if he wasn't so enthusiastic about it himself. When the other raised a hand to his face and prodded at the gash upon his temple he flinched.

"do you want a kiss?" 

"sorry?" 

 A very baffled Patroclus questioned. 

"kiss. i can kiss it better-" 

Achilles began with a teasing smirk

"...no i dont think so." 

"I do think so"

Warm, tender lips latched onto his own with a sort of teasing hesitance he didn't even register it. He stood there dumbly as the other pulled away, lips parted, his face suddenly feeling very hot again. The kiss had been short but god was it good, it left blazing trails of pleasure along his skin, it made him feel seasick and weak, it had knocked all the breath out of him- it could suffocate him forever for all he cared. He was so tempted to lean back in for another kiss- even if it was just a stupid joke to the other because now he had tasted the intoxicating wetness and warmth of their mouth- the filthiness and sweet taste of their lips, how could he resist? how was he supposed to deny himself the purity of their teasing lips and the sinful expertise of their mouth? He had already leaned in again before he caught himself. eyes wide with horror and disgust as he backed away and back into the wall. 

He had kissed him. Without even asking. And he was stupid enough to lean in for another. What was he doing? He certainly did not like Achilles in that way and Achilles definitely did not like him in that way. Achilles had a girlfriend. 

What was the kiss then, a harmless joke between friends? anger bubbled beneath his skin. The other could get away with hurting him time and time again and he just let them, he didn't even try to resist the kiss he just gave in. That was his first kiss. Well, not his first but the first one where he was old enough for it to count.

The heaviness in his heart only intensified when he thought of his first kiss, that day when he was so young, parading around on the beach with Achilles.

He had been so nervous and keen to let them know he liked them. Despite his wariness and envy towards the other growing up he did not hate them. He had always felt a soft ache towards the other, one that his foolish child heart couldn't identify, one that resembled that of a crush. That day they had sat beneath an olive tree along the shore, tired from their games and talks. A thick silence had grown between them and patroclus had looked at the other pointedly. When then the other boy returned his gaze with a questioning smile, one that was beautiful and soft. His childish heart had acted on instinct rather than thought. He had kissed the boy is a clumsy messy way, how your teeth clash against each other and your noses bump into one another. Achilles had fled almost immediately after that and Patroclus had stayed outside by the beach crying all day. He and prayed to any merciful gods willing to listen to make Achilles not hate him. He had pleaded with the sun the stars and the moon to make Achilles forgive him. he had been taught that kissing boys was sinful and wrong, and maybe he thought, maybe Achilles had been too. He was terrified Achilles would think of him as some sort of mutt or sinner. All he had done was try to express his admiration and affection and at the time it felt like he had only ruined everything for himself.

The memory still hurt Patroclus deeply and he inhaled sharply as it resurfaced in his mind. The feelings of despair and anxiety from that day rose in his stomach as he stared at Achilles who seemed a little confused by his reaction. 

Achilles' lips parted in a soft oh as their eyes locked once more. Maybe Achilles had figured out why this was such a big deal to Patroclus. Maybe he realized he had stolen his second chance at a first kiss, or maybe he had remembered that fateful day. Maybe the understanding that this brought so many painful unresolved feelings back for Patroclus had dawned on him. 

The tension in the air was palpable as they stood their in horrified silence.

"Patroclus- I'm so sorry- i didn't think-" 

Achilles began awkwardly, his tone bashful and unusually shy 

"No, you didn't think did you?" 

Patroclus spat out. 

The faint ticking of the changing room clock never seemed louder. 

"look- i was just teasing you! i didn't mean to upset you." 

"but you upset me anyway. don't you get it? That day was awful for me and it kind of feels like you just threw it in my face-" 

"I wasn't thinking of that day when I did it! look just because you had a crush on me or whatever doesn't mean we have to be awkward about it! it's not a big deal pat, if i did that with any of my other friends they would have laughed and told me to piss off." 

"it's a big deal to me" 

he muttered quietly, his voice hoarse and irritable. 

"I'm sorry okay? i just thought you'd be over it-" 

Patroclus narrowed his eyes and scowled at that.

"never mind" 

Tears had gathered in the corners of Patroclus's eyes without him realizing. He couldn't tell if they were from unresolved feelings, his anger, or possible excitement. It was too much. It wasn't a funny joke, Achilles had brought back an awful memory, he had stolen his first real kiss and right now he needed to be alone. 

With a soft huff Achilles sat down, refusing to leave despite Patroclus asking a few times. Patroclus just showered and got dressed as quickly as possible before exiting. He didn't bother watching the other matches. Achilles trailed in his wake, making a few weak attempts at conversation before giving up. 


When Patroclus reached his dorm he was annoyed at the forced proximity with Achilles. All he needed right now was a moment to think. His night had been ruined and he wasn't exactly in the right head space to talk things out. 

He climbed into bed and turned the light off. he felt overwhelmed and tense and a little angry by the whole situation. His anger soon faded into sadness and he didn't want to see Achilles. not now, not ever. He hated that when he kissed Achilles he was terrified and suffered for it but when Achilles kissed him he just crumbled. He hated the other boy, despised him. despised the fact the boy knew how to draw a reaction from him, knew how to hurt him, how to make it sting. He had thought things with Achilles were going good and then the other had to spoil it all and do something stupid like kissing him. He didn't care if Achilles didn't realize what a kiss meant to Patroclus. He didn't. 

He especially didn't care when the other didn't climb into his bed that night. Didn't care when the other didn't try to comfort him like usual. 

He didn't.

Chapter Text

Friday 21st September

It was quiet when he awoke. The sky was a dusky blue and the air was frosty. There was no sun or light this morning, only drizzles and ice.

When Patroclus headed to the balcony to asses the morning all there was to say about it was that it was dreadful. Walking around campus on the ice-covered pavements and frosted grass would cause him to fall over for sure, and the cold air would make him sick- not to mention the rain would make his already messy curls worse. He quickly abandoned his post on the balcony, returning to the warmth of his dorm. 

He then took a moment to look around the room. It seemed darker and quieter this morning. He didn't realize why until he noticed a mop of blonde hair seemed to be missing. There was no Achilles, there were no morning birds and there was no sun. It seemed as soon as Achilles fled that morning, everything else did too.

He was quieter during lessons, his mind going a million miles per hour. So much had happened last night and so much was going to happen. When people congratulated him on his match he tried to give grateful smiles and thanks yet they always seemed weak to him. His voice was tired and scratchy and his body ached. Every movement was agonizing and he hated it, his muscles were tight and sore and he was so bruised that anytime he bumped into anything it sent sparks of pain through his skin. 

People stopped trying to talk to him in class when he barely replied. He was already fairly quiet and reserved and now he was practically silent. 

He was still upset. The sort of upset that made your stomach ache and your throat feel tight, the type where you were constantly on edge and afraid of confrontation. He thought about how he felt for hours, completely unsure how to approach the situation. 

When school finished he went straight to bed. 

Saturday 21st September

Not long ago he had enjoyed his weekends. enjoyed sleeping in and going out, enjoyed talking to his friends, and hanging out in his dorm. He enjoyed the nights where he and Achilles laughed and talked about complete nonsense all night. now it seemed weekends were his enemy. 

Awkward silence clung to the air when he and Achilles were left alone. Awkward glances were exchanged and muttered apologies were said with haste when they saw the other already in the dorm waiting for the other. 

Achilles had been spending more time away from Patroclus. 

Patroclus thought Achilles didn't really like him much. which hurt a considerable amount. 

Monday 23rd September

Patroclus woke up to complete and utter silence. No blonde boy in the bed across the room, no balcony doors left precariously open by the other boy, and no note left on the desk. Quiet. 

It was a thin, misty day with a wet sort of warmth. 

He missed the sun terribly.

Tuesday 24th September

Today Patroclus cried. Hard. He felt his stomach churn in class and his throat grow tight and he could barely answer when he was asked if he was okay. 

At lunch, he sat in the toilets crying. He was so mad at Achilles. He hated that he missed him and hated him at the same time. He knew Achilles was an idiot, of course, he would be stupid and kiss him. Of course, he would. He shouldn't have been so mad at him. Maybe then Achilles wouldn't run from him. 

He hated that the other seemed to avoidant of him. He knew he wasn't the funnest yet he never expected the other to flee from him.

Every time he caught Achilles' eye across the dining hall or the hallways he felt sick to his stomach. 

How he hated him.

Wednesday 25th September

It was storming today. classes were canceled as they didn't want people running between buildings while it stormed. 

Patroclus left his dorm that day for Briseis'. Achilles and Deidamia were sat in the dorm talking quietly.

He hated them both. 

Thursday 26th September

He hated that the other hated him. He wished they had at least tried to be sorry. maybe then he would forgive them. Maybe. 

he skipped boxing that day, he didn't want to be around other people.

Friday 27th September 

Achilles was there when he woke up. standing on the balcony. 

it was warmer and the sun was peeking through the clouds that day 

Saturday 28th September 

He woke up late that morning. 

It was sunny and pleasant.

Achilles left him some breakfast on his desk with a bottle of water.

Sunday 27th September

It was cloudy. 

Monday 28th September.

It stormed again.

Achilles ignored him when he tried to speak. 

Tuesday 29th September

Wednesday 30th September

Thursday  1st October

Friday 2nd October

Monday 3rd October 

Tuesday 4th October

Wednesday 5th October

The sun shone bright and warm today.

Achilles left him a note telling him to meet him in the bathrooms by physics. 

Chapter Text

Wednesday 5th October 2023

His heart pounded and his head ached. He could feel his palms grow clammy as he abandoned his first lesson to head to the bathrooms in the science block.

He stood staring at the thick wooden door to the toilets for a while. Despite the school being so expensive and 'posh' the paint was cracked and the handle was dirty. The door was painted a sort of smoky grey, the black cracks in the cheap paint made clear in the hostile white lighting. The golden door knob was poorly painted too, with flecks of black and brown covering it making it appear dirty. Patroclus thought it was odd. The main buildings of the school were beautifully built and designed, all well-maintained and cleaned. The science block, however, always seemed lower-end. if you looked closely you would notice how almost everything in the building seemed faded or old. Patroclus didn't like this building. The harsh lighting and lack of heating weren't particularly appealing to the boy.

He could not tell for the life of him just how much time passed. ten minutes, a second, an hour? It didn't matter. He had been forced in regardless of how much time passed and now he would have to deal with whatever was hidden behind the door. The second he heard someone's footsteps down the corridor he took a deep breath and entered the bathroom a little clumsily, tripping slightly over the door's threshold. 

He looked around the gloomy bathroom and his eyes settled on someone. A blonde boy stood by the mirrors sheepishly. 

It was only then he realized just how tired Achilles seemed; His hair seemed flatter than usual, its slight wave and curl lost. Then he noticed his skin. That beautiful olive-toned skin which was usually so bright and alluring. Now, when he looked, it seemed flatter and duller, his under eyes were a faint purple and his dark eyelashes were clumped together by tears. He was still incredibly beautiful, the prettiest crier Patroclus had ever seen, and the sight of the boy so deflated and tearful made his heartache. He felt awful. His Achilles was nothing less than the sun and stars, Achilles glowed and illuminated everything around him, He mesmerized onlookers and charmed anyone foolish to listen to his voice. Was Patroclus upset and angry? yes. Did he like seeing Achilles so upset? no. 

They stood staring at each other for a while before Achilles tried to speak yet couldn't through the tears. 

Wordlessly he moved forward until he was stood in front of them. 

"shut up" 

He mumbled quietly. 

Achilles sniffled at that eyes wide and bloodshot. 

"...what"

His voice was wobbly and scratchy. 

"I told you to shut up. We can talk about this but only when you're not crying." 

Achilles nodded embarrassed at his actions yet his lip wobbled and he couldn't seem to make eye contact with Patroclus. 

Patroclus rolled his eyes and drew him in for a hug agitated. 

They stood like that for at least half an hour. Achilles silently wept into Patroclus' neck, his tears staining the white school shirt Patroclus wore. Patroclus just tried to stand there quietly and comfort them yet he couldn't help but feel annoyed by the others crying. If anything he should be the one crying. It felt odd to see Achilles crying like this anyway, he had known Achilles to be cruel and dismissive to practically everyone- he would never cry like this over someone else. He found it strange Achilles was crying over him. Why him?

When Achilles calmed down they talked. Patroclus explained his reactions and how the other had made him feel. Achilles sat there surprisingly quiet, looking up at him through starry eyes. When Patroclus finished he received a large, long-winded apology from the blonde who seemed like he was on the verge of tears again. begrudgingly he gave in and held them once again, if only for a few minutes, He missed their scent, their warmth anyway. It had been too long.  

It was awkward now, just standing there hugging each other. He understood the other didn't mean for it to be like this yet it was draining nonetheless. They had spent so much time awkwardly avoiding each other that it almost felt unnatural to be like this. 

"come on. we have class" 

He mumbled after glancing at his watch as he released the other boy.

Achilles let out an annoyed huff and rolled his eyes yet followed the other obediently to class.

Wednesday 12th October 2023

The days seemed to blur into one as the air got colder and rain began to pour more frequently. 

Patroclus didn't mind the rain. Achilles did, and Patroclus found it funny. Each night without fail Achilles would find some time to complain about the rain to Patroclus, and though his feelings about the rain were never reciprocated he still specifically made sure to explain to Patroclus why it was so awful. It was in times like these when Patroclus realized just how spoiled Achilles was. It was almost amusing in a strange way watching him get frustrated about how no one had the sense to move out of the way in busy hallways and not brush the rain on their clothes against him, or hear him complain about how no one had the common sense to carry a spare umbrella in case he forgot his. He wouldn't be surprised if Achilles began to complain about how the clouds didn't stop raining specifically for him.

Seven nights now he had heard about the rain. 

It seemed he would be hearing it again tonight, Achilles sat next to him watching the movie Patroclus had on his laptop sleepily. It was clear Achilles needed to sleep and he was almost exasperated at the fact they insisted on staying up with him, though on some level he found it sweet. He found it sweet until Achilles began to nod off on him. While he didn't mind the blond deciding to sleep in his bed with him, (it was something he had just learned to expect at this point, it seemed Achilles never broke that childhood habit, old habits die hard I guess) he did mind when the boy fell asleep on him then very loudly complained and protested about Patroclus moving too much as if he hadn't chosen to sleep there.  

Now he lay not even thirty minutes later being berated by a half-asleep Achilles for moving too much. He was tempted to shove them off the bed. He didn't, but god did he think about it.

Friday 15th October 2023  

16. 

16161616161616161616161616.

16!

The numbers swirled around in his mind.

Gods, he felt so old. only two more years until he was expected to leave school and find his own way. 

He hated that he was getting older. He could only imagine how much harder life was suddenly going to get with each new responsibility, however... he did enjoy how liberating adulthood would be. He would move far away, and start his own life. He would get pets and a wife, maybe even have children when the time was right. No more hiding or school, no more family issues. He would be only what he makes himself, and that was enough. Getting older only meant getting one step closer to freedom. That thought calmed the rising anxiety in his stomach. 

He wasn't particularly fond of his birthday. It was always lonely and depressing. Usually, he would start by going to school, and then coming home and getting ready for whatever event his father planned. All the wealthy families and important people would be invited- their children too, to the grand party his father threw for him. He would then have to act as the perfect son and pretend to play with the other children. After that his father would have photos of him and his son taken for the public. And once everyone was gone he was dismissed to his room.

It was always the same routine and he hated it. Not today, however. 

While his day started alone it did not continue as. In every class his peers congratulated him and some gave him small gifts, they all seemed eager to talk and laugh with him and he was more than happy to oblige. He liked the attention, it was welcome to him. For once in his life he felt like he belonged. It was hard not to cry when his classmate brought a gift for him so thoughtfully chosen, he hadn't realized everyone seemed to like him so much. On the one hand, he thought maybe they did just enjoy his company and on the other part of him deep down thought Achilles may have told them to do so. Achilles was essentially a god at this school, and Achilles had made sure everyone knew he liked Patroclus, even told people Patroclus was his closest friend- and in doing so made Patroclus popular by association. He didn't care, however. he was just enjoying the feeling of having friends, real friends.

Sometime after lunch, a giddy Briseis collected him from gym class claiming her teacher needed to talk to Patroclus, the gym teacher seemed to believe her as he dismissed Patroclus early. It turns out Briseis had decided that from period 4- period 5 they would lock themselves in a closet and eat cake the entire time. Patroclus didn't protest this. She had brought him a strawberry cake she had made in her home ec class. It was soft and warm when they started eating, it reminded him of the one the cooks at his father's manor made. When he asked for the recipe she said it was a family secret. Her mother had taught her how to make the cake, she showed her pictures of her mother. They were all from when Briseis was a baby, her mother was beautiful and looked just like Briseis. He found it strange there were no recent photos yet he decided not to ask.

Friday October 15th 2023 (again)

Achilles had been all over him the entirety of his birthday. He had fussed over Patroclus in the morning and he had spent all night talking with Patroclus. He started off by waking the boy up with a few presents left on the foot of his bed and a card. Achilles had gifted him some snacks- an assortment of expensive chocolates and fruits including a bowl of figs. At the figs, he can't help but let out a snort of laughter.

When they were kids Achilles had been juggling figs one night at the beach while everyone watched, he remembered the day well- it happened not too long before he kissed Achilles on that very same beach. Achilles had looked so pretty in the dusk, and he remembered his younger self obsessing over their every move at that moment. He had thought Achilles was so cool and he had been overjoyed when Achilles caught him staring and then chucked him a fig. Achilles never chucked the other boys a fig. Patroclus thought that made him special. When he had sunk his teeth into the fig and took a bite he could've sworn it was the best he ever had. Those green eyes watching him with an almost insatiable curiosity. Those nimble fingers performing tricks to please him. That melodic laugh.

After that, he had sworn that figs were his favourite in the hopes Achilles would give him more. 

Gods, his younger self was so desperate for a friend. 

Later in the day he had found more gifts in his locker. A large amount of money and a few photos in an envelope. The photos contained a few of him and Achilles as children. These weren't the stiff polished pictures Thetis or Menoetius insisted on taking, no these were photos of them being children, captured presumably by Peleus. There was one of a timid looking Patroclus frowning at the camera and a rather smug Achilles. Achilles held up multiple medals and wore a garland in his hair, obviously, he had been competing in some sort of competition. Glints of honey caught in his hair and pools of deep greens swam in his eyes. He had always been pretty. Patroclus however looked scrawny and tired in the photo. Achilles had a smear of ice cream on his cheek and was looking over at Patroclus in the photo. Patroclus didn't seem very impressed in the photo. He smiled at the photos, hanging a few in his locker and deciding to hang the rest in his dorm.

And when evening came Achilles forced Patroclus onto his dinner table. He then spent the entire dinner staring at Patroclus. He listened carefully to what the boy had to say and gave him a few alluring smiles.

After all that attention Patroclus wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and sleep. 

Achilles had other plans. 

He proceeded to talk nonstop to Patroclus after climbing into his bed. It was exhausting. Patroclus appreciated it but god he was not one for constant celebration. 

He didn't last long. He was quickly asleep as the other kept talking. 

Friday 22nd October 2023

The following week Achilles seemed to become more and more closed off. Patroclus frequently heard Achilles arguing with his mother in hushed Greek over the phone. He heard his name once or twice. 

He knew Thetis didn't deem himself a suitable friend for Achilles. It was no surprise she had gone back to her old ways of trying to get rid of him. 

After each phone call Achilles would either disappear or come sit with Patroclus. He would sit there unusually quiet and simply listen to the other talk. Patroclus found it strange yet didn't question it, he simply tried to just be there for the boy. 

 Wednesday 27th 2023

As Halloween drew closer and closer and excitement seemed to intensify. 

Almost everyone was talking about one thing: Paris party. 

Patroclus had almost forgotten about the party until he was reminded. It seemed everyone was talking about it lately. 

Achilles had wanted to do matching costumes, one where Achilles himself was a vampire and Patroclus was a werewolf. Patroclus thought it was little silly and childish but agreed to dress up with him. He knew the other would appreciate it. 

Chapter Text

Saturday 30th October 2023.

Excitement about Paris' party was at an all-time high, everywhere Patroclus went he heard excitable chatter about the upcoming event. 

Achilles had even gone over the event details many times with Patroclus. The event would take place in one of Paris' father's many mansions around the country that had been left unattended, it started at eight pm and they would have to catch a train into town then another one from town to reach their destination. 

Patroclus had heard many rumors about the party, Paris always went all out. Unlimited alcohol, free food, a hotspot for druggies, and a meeting place for hookups. No rules and the privacy of his house meant no police typically got involved. Patroclus was nervous. He had never been to one of those teenage rager parties- he hadn't even drunk before. And while he had faith in himself not to get wasted or have some accidental one-nightstand, he couldn't say the same about Achilles. He worried about the boy doing something careless and was determined to keep an eye on them when they finally arrived. 

For now, he had to focus on sorting out his costume. He had gotten dressed into some rather tight (Achilles choice) trousers, a slightly cropped torn shirt (Achilles' choice again) and some accessories. Wolf tail, ears, teeth, claws.. he certainly looked like a werewolf, just slightly more slutty and less hairy than he anticipated.

Achilles was waiting for him to return to the dorm so he could 'fix' his face and do his makeup. Honestly, he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He hadn't worn makeup before and wasn't sure how it would turn out. His father had always discouraged him from doing anything feminine- even something as simplistic as concealer was a strict no. He knew some of the male students here spent a lot of time on their aesthetics and looks yet he still felt it was risky to be caught wearing makeup. He had for the first time belonged in a school, what if wearing makeup spoiled it all and people made fun of him? He knew it was a stupid line of thinking yet it made his stomach twinge uncomfortably. 

He eventually got over himself after a few harsh texts from Briseis forced him out of his hiding place in the bathroom.

He hesitantly entered the dorm and locked eyes with Achilles. 

Oh, Achilles.

He had thought the vampire costume was a stupid idea yet he seemed to appreciate it a lot more now. 

Tight black trousers, untucked long sleeve white button down which ended just above his hips, cropped black waistcoat.. stupid cloak... He felt a fire burn in his stomach as he took a sharp intake of air. Gods- his eyes were almost mesmerized by the thin sliver of taut muscle, golden skin, and hips on display. Achilles laughed at that and exclaimed with joy, 'I know right?' He looked away embarrassed at being caught. He couldn't quite meet their eye now. Gorgeous, and so pretty. So unattainable. 

When Achilles started ranting on about how great Patroclus looked as he turned around to grab his makeup he had to avert his eyes. Those trousers were a gift from god- holy shit. He tried to get his mind out of the gutter only semi-successfully. He was not the type to crush on his best friend- or check other boys out so boldly. He shook his head blindly following the instructions of Achilles when he was told to lie on the bed. 

He felt stupid. He was obeying like a loyal dog, why was he even lying down anyway for makeup? 

"hey are you listening?" Achilles scowled snapping Patroclus out of his self deprecating, self indulgent thoughts,

"What?"

"I said knees down, like legs flat."

Again like a loyal dog he mindlessly obeyed. 

Achilles then climbed into his lap effectively straddling him while they fussed over makeup brushes. He could feel the curve of their thighs pressing into his lap, the heat that emanated from their skin- the weight of their body pressing him down was intoxicating, and the fresh scent of their skin was addicting. A warm feeling bubbled up in his stomach again and he swallowed, eyes trailing across the view of their thighs, how easy it would be to give in and kiss them. He shook his head, no- that's not fair. He shouldn't make a move on someone he definitely doesn't like because of teenage lust, gods hormones were ruining him. He looked away ignoring whatever they were talking about, keeping his gaze modest as he stared determinedly at the ceiling.

"Hey-! eyes on me- I need a better angle if you want me to do this right"

He locked eyes with them, taking a deep breath as they shifted slightly leaning forward. Their hair fell around their face in pretty blond locks. Green eyes staring at him with so much focus. His throat felt tight and his skin very hot. He tried to calm down, tried to slip into the sensuality of the moment.

"your fun to do this on" 

Patroclus brows furrowed at that,

"..sit on?" 

Achilles laughed at that. 
"no idiot- makeup. You have a nice face"

Nice face, why don't you sit on itthe-

He flushed at that thought, he really needed to get a grip. maybe he should try hookup with someone at the party. With a deep breath he spoke up.

"..Not really. my skins not very smooth" 

"its not like you have a lot of acne, just near your jaw"

"its still gross to look at your lucky, you have clear skin" he muttered huffily

"dont say that. i don't think its gross, its pretty"

"thats because you don't have any yourself" 

Achilles traced his fingers over the bumps carefully

"no. i like it"

"uh huh." 

"im serious! what, do you need me to prove it"

He knew a few ways they could prove that...

"no."

"shame really.."

"just do my makeup idiot" 

And he did. He did some eyeliner which he described as 'guyliner', He said it made his eyes very pretty, He said that sort of look always suited darker skin and eyes better. Patroclus thought Achilles would suit it better. Much to Patroclus' disappointment Achilles didn't have the right shade to do his concealer and cover his acne. So instead Achilles finished with some light mascara, and tinted chapstick. Patroclus flat out refused any sort of lip makeup that was more than that, He couldn't stop thinking of his father's scolding when it came to makeup.

At some point his hands had come to rest on Achilles thighs, then his hips. He didn't even realize until he squeezed slightly and for what must have been the first time Achilles speech faltered and he stuttered slightly. He looked up at them when he heard their breath hitch and voice stutter. 

"Chilles?"He asked. 

Achilles red lips (lip tint) were parted in a slight look of hesitancy, his eyes widened slightly and his fingers stumbled in their movements. He felt a strange sense of gratitude and pride and the sight. No one else made Achilles nervous like that, no one else made him cry like he could, and no one else made him jealous. He did though. He did. He felt a small smirk force itself on his lips and he had to look away as Achilles shakily continued to mess around with his makeup. 

He wasn't sure what was happening to him. He always felt so embarrassed and excited when Achilles touched him, less than pure thoughts about the boy kept cropping up in his mind and he was being oddly possessive. He didn't like it. One moment he's mad at Achilles and the next he's checking him out. It was strange and unwelcome. I mean.. he had never particularly been attracted to girls but guys? He didn't know how to feel about that. In the end, he chalked it up to stupid teenage hormones. 

Chapter Text

Saturday 31st October 2023

Achilles and him had set off at eight for the party, they had taken the train to town, both equally quiet. As they bordered the second one he wondered if they were joint in thinking what he was. 

Small snippets of when Achilles was doing his makeup kept appearing in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about it. 

He knew it was just hormones but he found his mind strangely obsessed with how it all felt.

The way they felt on top of him felt so right, so natural, the way they seemed so comfortable and eager. The way they had gently adjusted his face, complimented him, looked after him- it was so stupidly domestic yet part of it raised a warm feeling in him. He wished he had someone like Achilles for himself, someone so wild and gorgeous yet undeniably boyish and foolish, someone who while being so stupidly handsome and athletic had that element of cool feminine beauty to him.

The way their breath and speech had stuttered and the boy had tensed up by a simple touch drove him crazy, he didn't realize he could make people nervous like that. Especially not Achilles.  Part of him couldn't stop thinking about if Deidamia made Achilles act like that. He had seen them interact, but they never acted the way Achilles and he do, matter of fact he had never seen Achilles act the way he does with him with anyone else. 

It was so bizarre he was so stupidly fixed on this, specifically Achilles. He knew he probably was just in desperate need of a boyfriend but something about the fact it was Achilles felt so safe. He guessed it was just the familiarity of Achilles. He couldn't think why else. 

He felt a slight weight leaning against him and saw Achilles had rested his head on his shoulder again. He nudged their hand with his. They interlocked their pinky with his. He squeezed their finger slightly, they squeezed back two times.

After they had gotten off the train, Achilles had ordered a taxi. 

The taxi took them straight to Paris' house and my god- it was massive.

It was modern and extremely big. Large black gates guarded the entrance, followed by a long winding driveway that led to the front of the house. Hundreds of teenagers were eagerly entering the mansion with a look of mixed anticipation and excitement. He felt his stomach drop slightly, he could hear music blaring from the house and was sure if it wasn't for the tons of land and tall hedges around the mansion any passers-by or neighbors would spot the activity and call the police. 

He wasn't even sure how this party was allowed anyway, surely the school had to know by now. 

Achilles said it was something to do with Paris' dad sponsoring the school.

He entered the party and looked around. It was unbelievably warm and stuffy in here, the heat of hundreds of bodies emanating into the air, He could feel a few drops of sweat trickling down his neck uncomfortably. The music was loud- even here where there were no speakers, he could spot people already swaying to the beat and bopping their heads along. Everyone here was dressed in some sort of skimpy costume, and he suddenly felt glad for Achilles' choice in his costume, He wasn't too out of place here.  

Achilles stuck close by him as they walked down the hallway- occasionally pointing out people he knew. As they walked quite a lot of people turned eagerly to greet Achilles. Even Paris said hello before getting distracted by some pretty girl tugging on his arm.

A few familiar faces waved and talked to him, drawing him in for the occasional tipsy hug- gods- people were already drunk he realized. 

He got caught up and had to stop walking through the thickets of people when a girl sauntered up to him, a coy look on her face and a small smile on her lips. 

She stood in front of him and began talking.

"werewolf I see..?"

He frowned and then remembered his costume.

"Oh uhm yeah- you're a uh..." The girl was in a tiny grey dress and he had no idea what she was.

She laughed at that and reached out to touch his arm.

"you're so funny! I'm a mouse, see" She pointed to a small headband of mouse ears in her hair.

He frowned and nodded. Why was she laughing like that? He didn't say anything funny.. and it's not even like her costume is obvious. He glanced away for a moment. It's anything but obvious.

She squeezed his arm the second he looked away. In the corner of his eye, he could see a less than impressed Achilles storm off. Out of politeness and respect for the girl, he didn't chase after Achilles.

"You're cute aren't you? nervous?"

Why would he be nervous? oh- cute!?

Was she trying to flirt with him? is that why Achilles stormed away? He felt himself inwardly cringe.

"uhm.. like a bit I guess,- I've never done this sort of thing before-"

She erupted into laughter again and rubbed up and down his arm

"god you are so cute! how old are you?"

He felt his face heat up and he shifted uncomfortably.

"16?"

"oh so young! tell me have you had sex before or will be your first?"

He felt himself choke at that. What? no, he hadn't had sex- not that he would tell her that. He felt like such a kid. He had no idea how to break it to her that he wasn't interested in girls either.

"No- I've done it loads you know!"

She smirked at that and raised an eyebrow. Her confidence was so off-putting.

"uhm with boys- lots of them." He blurted out. Real smooth.

Her expression soured and she pulled her hand back like she had been stung. She muttered something that resembled a slur and stormed away. He spotted a pair of girls laughing. He turned on his heel and fled the room.

His head was already aching from all the noise and emotions- He just embarrassed himself, and he was all alone and nervous and-

He had found his way to a dining room, a dining room full of alcohol.

It was packed in here, warm, sweaty bodies meshing against each other, all desperate for some alcohol whether it be to give themselves an excuse to act like animals or to obtain some liquid courage.

He was no better than them, he dived in, he drunk like he depended on it. It tasted awful- disgusting and gods above it burned going down. He felt it pool in his stomach like liquid fire and he had to chug some water.

While it hurt initially going down it soon had the desired effect. He felt a faint buzz growing inside him, and felt himself relax a little, He felt braver- stronger even. He gave stupid grins at anyone who looked at him and suddenly found everything so much funnier, he stumbled out of the room into a new one. One where the music was loud and the lights bright.

He entered a room where particularly loud music was coming from and found himself on some sort of dance floor. He was about to turn and leave when he spotted a familiar mop of curly brown hair and he beamed.

"Bri!"  He yelled over the music,

He rushed onto the floor and Briesis smiled up at him. 

"I thought you'd never find me!" 

"I'm sorry- I got distracted- you look nice!" 

"you too, the eyeliners a nice touch" 

"Achilles did it-" 

She rolled her eyes at that yet smiled. 

"stay awhile- dance with me" 

Normally he would be shy and hesitant to dance like this but he found a newfound sense of bravery through the drinks. 

He began to dance and really took in the room.

He was enveloped by a pulsating wave of sound, the thumping bass reverberating through his body,

He stumbled upstairs, the music was so loud down here, it was so stuffy and uncomfortable. He knew he needed to get away, the exciting buzz had seemed to amount to far too much to be enjoyable. Everything was so bright and confusing and he couldn't focus right now. He managed to reach a corridor lined with doors, he decided a trip to the bathroom would do him some good. He would bask in the quiet darkness of it and finally rest his tired body.

The first door he swung open revealed a group of about five people. He spotted the couple he knew as Hector and Andromache, Paris and some other girl opposite them. He struggled to place her name. Helen- that was it. Helen was sat with legs curled beneath her, Paris' hand lazily on her thigh. He thought Helen was with someone else, he struggled for their name too.

No matter- he didn't particularly care to spy on Helen's love life. I mean She was beautiful, ethereal in a way, but he wasn't exactly interested.

He was surprised that Hector and Andromache seemed so comfortable with Helen and Paris' acting like that though, especially if it turns out Helen was in fact cheating. He knew Hector was a just man, he was always kind and gracious to everyone in class, and was very much supporting and adoring of his girlfriend. He knew someone like Hector wouldn't support cheating.

Probably.

Maybe the fact he was Paris' big brother made him excuse it, or- maybe Helen was single? whatever, he didn't really care. 

They had all turned to look at him, Andromache and Hector looking at him with sharp alertness, an easy smile on their face as they greeted him a little eagerly. Paris had only raised a bored eyebrow and looked away. Helen had a look of affronted modesty on her face when she saw Patroclus' eye on Paris' hand that rested on her leg. They were all in various costumes, their makeup done and they reeked of alcohol.

It was only when Hector began rapidly talking to Patroclus did he realize what they were doing. Cocaine.

There was a bag of it in the middle of them, someone's credit card right next to it, and a few thin lines on the floor. That explained the wild eyes, remnants of a nosebleed, rapid speech, and sharpness of their behavior. Andromache patted the floor on her other side saying he could join in.

He quickly denied the drugs and stumbled out backward, Helen laughed at his hasty exit and slammed the door shut after him.

His eyes were so tired. All he wanted was a chance to relax and sit down.

He tried another door and found what he thought was the last thing he was expecting.

A beautiful dark-haired girl sobbing into her hands, her makeup had come off from what he could see and he didn't exactly know what to do.

Deidamia.

The name flew out of his mouth on instinct before he had the chance to slip out of the bathroom unnoticed. Her head snapped up at him and she began to cry harder. He didn't understand. He felt obligated to try to comfort her, try to understand why she seemed so upset.

He made his way to the edge of the bathtub opposite the toilet and took a seat. He reached a tentative hand over and she took it, her grip as tight as a vice and her sobs loud.

When she quietened down and looked at him with those red eyes, her lashes clumped with tears and her mascara all over her face he felt a sense of pity and sympathy. He had cried like that, so many times. He knew she was extremely upset over something, just not what.

"Hey uh.." He contemplated calling her Dei the way her friends do but faltered. "Deidamia, you look beautiful tonight" He stammered out in a weird attempt at soothing.

She just sniffled and looked away.

"dont make me laugh"

"...sorry. can I ask whats wrong? you don't have to tell me i just.."

"you- you're what's wrong"

"oh- what?"

She sighed and shook her head

"Before you came along I was dating Achilles. He was never loving or sweet but I adored him. I knew I had to have him from the get-go, so you can imagine my disappointment when I finally got him and he's so unbelievably disinterested. I mean- I had to beg for him to use my nickname, dates- I had to set those up, every goddamned time. Hell, the only thing he ever set up was when he wanted to use my body. He's so- He's so cold and disinterested and yet I still liked him, so much. so, so much. I let him lie to me, blow me off, ignore my messages, and hurt me over and over again just so I could tell other people he was mine. Not that it really mattered, I'd hear them, when they wouldn't keep their voices down as if they wanted my reaction. I'd hear them when they made fun of me every time Achilles blanked me in public. I'd hear- And- I gave him so much, and I tried so hard to be what he wanted and it was just never right. "

She paused sucking in a deep breath

"So you can imagine how upset I was when some reject- who I heard got disowned shows up at school and suddenly all Achilles cares about is them. He would talk about you constantly, stare at you whenever you were near, share a dorm with you, buy gifts for you, help you sneak out, he invite you to his events! He gets upset over you, angry over you and so stupidly happy over you! All he cared about was you! You brought out a boyish, genuine side of him that wasn't just being stupidly hot and bored. You teased out every single part of him I could never hope to without even trying. All he wants is you half the time and it's so exhausting competing for his attention when it's already a lost battle. Especially when-" She teared up.

He looked at her confused,

"When..?"

She shook her head and looked down at her thighs.

"it doesn't matter. now run along I don't have time for this,"

He didnt run along. He sat there patiently for another half hour while she cried and ranted about how much she hated him.

"but- the worst part is I don't hate you. I hate that you're what he needs and I'm not. you don't even try, you lash out at him, you upset him and yet he always crawls back to you begging for your attention. And you are so nice and warm to everyone and-"

She took a shuddering breath.

"you ruined me. ruined what little I had to call a relationship."

He didnt say anything, just squeezed her hand and she looked down at her stomach as if contemplating something. She grimaced and suddenly kissed him. A little startled he pulled away. It was not warm or inviting like Achilles' was, it was bitter and fast and all too fake.

She just started crying when he didn't return it. She seemed to want something he couldn't give her. 

He waited until she calmed down, he helped her do her hair again and waited while she fixed her makeup. 

"...go find him" 

"what?" 

"Achilles- find him, I know he'll be a mess. and it's not me he uses for comfort anymore it's you. He'll be thinking about you, wherever he is." 

She turned to face him, pressed a kiss to his cheek in appreciation, and left. He watched her sequined dress reflect the lights of the party, watched her descend the stairs into the main rooms. 

What a strange interaction.

He should find Achilles. He forgot to supervise- and if Achilles was a mess he needed to be looked after. He knew what people were like- all too quick to take advantage of someone or leave them to drown in their own vomit. Oh gods- what if Achilles is drowning in his vomit-? 

He set off at that thought.

He spent ages searching for Achilles, despite only half the house being used for the party it was still a lot of room to cover, a lot of warm, drunk bodies to search through, a lot of crows to force himself through. He couldn't find Achilles. This is when he began to get scared. He started asking around- everyone was pretty much drunk out of their mind and had no idea about Achilles location.

He knew it was probably nothing yet he felt a strong surge of anxiety at the thought of Achilles being all alone right now. Maybe no one would hurt him physically but he had seen the way people looked at Achilles, as if he was some prize to be taken. It hurt his head and his stomach. He was so worried. He didnt want anyone to hurt his Achilles, he was too.... he was-

He slammed the door to the garden open and noticed Achilles, head tilted back, eyes closed, lips parted. His blonde hair was like the sun in the darkness of the night, His skin a gentle gold. So beautiful. The sun had never been a more welcome sight.

He looked in front of Achilles when he heard a soft gasp. A girl from school, he knew her- she was 18- Hector knew her. He wondered why she seemed so alarmed and that's when he noticed a rather crucial detail, 

Her hand was shoved down Achilles trousers, and her other one down her own. 

oh! 

maybe he wasn't meant to be here, maybe Achilles didn't want him to see this he should- 

She took off in a sprint and Achilles seemed to slump a little as if she had been holding him up. 

Achilles' head wasn't lolling like that in pleasure, his eyes weren't closed in pleasure either- he was genuinely slipping in and out of consciousness. 

He felt a lump in his throat at the thought and he raced over. 

He yelled their name and after two times they stared at him blearily. 

"..pat.. did-" Achilles seemed to notice his zipper.

"you really did- you?" Achilles asked with a laugh and patroclus felt sick. He pulled them into a hug and felt a few sobs wrack his body. 

"hey hey hey-! it's fine.. I just... if you doing that... I'm tired pat" Achilles mumbled into his shoulder.

"Achilles..." He sniffed "that wasn't me." 

"..hm?" he hummed drowsily.

"you weren't really awake- it was an older girl she-" 

"But.. my eyes are heavy so I just shut them for a minute and when I asked if it was you she promised- that wasn't- not you?" Achilles sounded heartbroken.

He wasn't sure why Achilles would want him to touch him like that but that was the least of his problems. 

"she said she had brought you to me- she promised-!" Achilles said seemingly increasingly upset. 

"I know, I know Achilles," he mumbled, his heart-shattering at their genuine confusion and upset. He couldn't wrap his head around the fact someone would hurt Achilles like that.  

He held them for a long time, He let them confusedly cry into him, he stroked their hair and rubbed their back gently. He didn't care about this stupid party. They were going back to school immediately. He would look after them and when they were sober he would try to sort out the issue. On the train rides back he held Achilles and comforted them as much as he could. oh, his Ahilles.                

Chapter Text

PART TWO

Saturday October 31st 2023 

When they arrived in the dorms he sat them down on the bed and began to speak. 

"can you tell me what happened again? just so I can make sure I got it right?" 

He rubbed his fingers over their knuckles with gentle tenderness and looked into their eyes hopefully. Achilles just stared back at him with dead eyes, devoid of their usual sparkle and curiosity.

He took a deep breath.

"Achilles?"

No reply.

"Achilles... please-"

Maybe it was the desperation in his voice that coaxed them into talking

" By myself, I was.... eyes closed. I was tired. Fresh air. She told me while I was resting my eyes you had asked for me."

Their voice was flat and dazed, so different from the usual music-like tone they spoke in.

He waited for them to continue yet there wasn't any more detail.

"Sweetheart just a little more okay? please"

He brought their knuckles to his lips, savoring the warmth and familiarity of their skin, it reminded him it was still Achilles, still his Achilles. This boy he adored so much seemed so confused and miserable. It was breaking him. He wished he had been there.

No reply.

He sighed.

".....she.. hands- I thought- I couldn't really focus,  my eyelids were so heavy. I thought-... I thought it was you."

Their voice broke on the last few words as they began to sob again.

He held them for a long time letting them mumble incoherent nonsense into his shoulder as he traced small patterns against their lower back hoping it would soothe them.

At first, all he had felt was repulsion towards the girl and desperation when he realized he couldn't undo what just happened, though as the night went on and more of Achilles' tears were spilled all he felt was rage and numbness. His anger was constantly simmering under his skin and the only reason he hadn't gone back to tear the house apart looking for the girl was the fact Achilles needed him. He felt so detached from himself right now. When they finished crying he continued to hold them until they pried themselves away from his grip. He ran a thumb underneath their eyes collecting any stray tears and they leaned into his hand. 

Their mascara was running down their face, he should sort that out.

He escorted them to the bathroom, sitting them down on the toilet.

He tilted their head up with gentle care and began the process of removing their makeup. He used slightly damp cotton pads to remove all of it- he was cautious not to rub too hard at their skin or hurt them, gently sliding the cotton against their skin. He then moved on to their skincare. Achilles was very particular about his daily routines. He had spent so many evenings watching in strange fascination as Achilles applied all those serums and creams that the routine was basically muscle memory at this point.

The tender smearing of those smooth creams and serums across their face soothed his aching heart slightly. It gave him the sense of progress he so desperately sought now. He needed to feel like he was somehow helping them, protecting them in some strange way. Achilles could barely keep his eyes open, he was so weary and anguished looking. He felt his throat tighten uncomfortably.

When tears slid down the blonde's cheeks for what must have been the hundredth time that night he couldn't help himself. He pressed chaste kisses along their face, their cheekbone, the bridge of the nose, the temple, the forehead, the chin. He wanted so badly to give them the comfort he knew they needed. He needed them to know he loved them, that he was sorry, that he was there now- he needed to be close to them, he wanted to kiss away their tears- wanted to hold them close.

When he realized what he was doing he flinched away. Achilles had been assaulted, and he was taking their vulnerability as an opportunity to kiss them. His stomach lurched. He was so stupid, so unbelievably selfish- he ought to have thought of that. A small voice in his head told him he was no better than that girl, taking advantage of a vulnerable boy.

He jerked his face away.

At his sudden stop, Achilles blearily opened their eyes and mumbled a faint.

"Please don't leave me. don't-"

They trailed off looking distressed and awake now.

"Please don't"

They reached for Patroclus' hands almost childishly

"I'm scared, I don't like being left alone. Please don't go-"

Patroclus nodded and hurried to reassure them.

"I'm not going anywhere I just wasn't sure if you'd want affection right now. I'm still here chilles, i'm not going anywhere, it's okay."

Achilles seemed to relax slightly at the comfort yet refused to let go of them as if scared Patroclus would stop touching them, comforting them.

He moved on to doing their hair for them after that, he cautiously brushed through their hair with one hand while he let Achilles hold onto the other. They were picking at his skin and nails anxiously, their eyes fighting to stay open.

He took them to the dorm after making a (rather shit) plait. All that was left was to sort out their clothes.

Patroclus struggled with this part.

Obviously, he couldn't let Achilles sleep in those clothes- that just wasn't good for them. But for more obvious reasons he couldn't undress them, and they weren't exactly in the right state to do so themselves. He had helped dress them before when they were drunk and sleepy, or when they were kids but now... they probably didn't trust anyone to do that anymore. And He knew everyone had their right to privacy, especially when they couldn't consent to being undressed. He settled on removing all their jewelry, their shoes, their cloak, fake fangs and cropped waistcoat, he left the long sleeve white button up on them and decided to coax them into sliding their trousers off and swap them for something less tight and revealing. That way he hadn't undressed them and had given them the choice on what they felt comfortable wearing.

After that, he settled them in bed- or at least tried to. 

For the next half an hour Achilles began to profusely throw up everywhere; the scent was foul and bitter and he wanted to gag and leave yet he didn't though, he sat patiently with them by the bin holding their braid away from their face and rubbing their back in small soothing circles.

"...doing so good" 

He praised as tired tears slipped down their face.

"-it" vomiting. "hurts- burns" Achilles gasped between each bout of sick.

"i know, i know... just keep going, doing so well.."

When they finished they made another trip to the bathroom, this time he brushed their teeth for them and rinsed their mouth out.

Back in the dorm he opened the balcony doors to air it out and lit the candle he knew Achilles liked, it was one labeled as 'dark forest'. He asked why they liked it and they mumbled something about it smelling like Patroclus. He found it odd. does this mean he smelt like trees and mud? 

It didn't matter, if Achilles liked trees and mud he would happily smell as such. He laid Achilles down in Patroclus' bed per their request (something about it smelling safe?) and assured them multiple times the doors were locked and they were safe. After that, they curled into him and slipped into sleep.

He spent his entire night awake watching over them. He couldn't sleep. He needed to make sure they were safe.

He was tormented by fleeting moments of guilt the entire night. If he had just been there ten minutes before... if he just watched them like he said he would... The possibilities and 'what ifs' harrowed him. Part of him knew nothing he did could have terminated any possibility of this happening and yet he still felt guilty. 

He spent most of the night time crying. On the walls next to his bed there were quite a few photos of Achilles and him as children. Something about looking at a beaming 7-year-old Achilles knowing what just happened tore into him. Observing their bright eyes and tiny frame while the present-day Achilles lay half on top of him traumatized and high destroyed him. 

Chapter Text

Sunday 1st November

The morning was cold and quiet. He awoke in a panic eyes wide. He wasn't supposed to fall asleep- He promised himself he'd watch over Achilles- He'd failed again. What if Achilles was in trouble- what if- 

A small groan at his panicked movement caused him to halt. Achilles was still lying on his stomach. He took the moment to observe them. They still looked sad, even in sleep. Or maybe he was making that up? Would Achilles even remember what happened last night? 

He stroked their hair and frowned when they winced in sleep. Did they not want to be touched? 

"Chilles?" 

They stirred at their name. What time was it? He fumbled for his phone to check. 9 am. They had slept in.  Gods his head was throbbing, and he was so tired, this must be what a hangover is.

"sweetheart?" 

They opened their eyes slowly 

"I know you're tired, you can go back to bed afterwards if you want but we need to talk." 

They sighed but with some soft encouragement sat up. They reached for his hand and began picking at his skin almost unaware of what they were doing. He thought maybe it was soothing to them. He didn't mind either way. 

"How are you feeling?"

"my body hurts, ...thirsty." They muttered distantly

He nodded, getting up (much to their disapproval) to grab them some water from the windowsill. When he came back he raised the glass to their lips gently and helped them drink some. After all the crying last night, they were bound to be dehydrated.

He thought his words over so unsure of what to say. This was so hard to bring up. 

"do you remember last night?" 

Achilles looked away at that, his nimble fingers faltering, 

"...vaguely."

"Last night you were assaulted or raped- both maybe I don't know but-" 

"no ...I wasn't."

Achilles sounded so tired. 

"yes you were a girl who was touching you while lying about who she was when you were practically asleep. you couldn't consent and she lied meaning even if you could it was invalid-" 

Achilles looked at him so blankly almost agitated. 

"so? it was a girl." They mumbled rubbing at their eyes tiredly.

"that...what?"

"it was a girl who did it right?"

"yes but-"

"no one will think I was raped if it was a girl who did it pat, don't be stupid."

"...that's not true-" 

"it doesn't count and I think we should stop talking about this." 

"if I told you some woman came up to me and raped me would you tell me it wasn't rape?" 

"well no but- that's different" 

"How?"

"Because- well-" They seemed to struggle for a moment. 

"You just don't get it Patroclus. Even if it did happen I can't prove it."

"I saw it happen" He mumbled softly, his thumb rubbing their knuckles gently. 

"Just drop it- I don't- I don't want to remember. Stop it"

"You need to remember Achilles- I hate this so much and I'd do anything to change this but please-" 

"So what? Okay, I was raped, now what? Are you just going to keep fucking shoving it in my face?!" He asked bitterly through sudden tears

Patroclus fell silent, watching them angrily wipe away their tears.

"That's not.. that's not what I'm trying to do Achilles. I just-"

Achilles glared at him as he kept crying 

"I'm not trying to throw anything in your face. I wish I could have protected you, more than anything else. I'd give anything to go back in time and stop it chilles you know that. But I can't. and I don't want this to be something that just gets ignored I'm trying to help you-" 

"Well, you're not. I don't want to remember what happened."

Patroclus winced at that and looked away awkwardly. 

"I'm sorry for snapping I just- I don't want to think about it. Because now I know what really happened it keeps playing in my mind. I feel gross and stupid for letting that happen Pat" They admitted quietly.

"You're not gross or stupid. What that woman did to you was not your fault..." 

"All I had to do was open my eyes and I would have known- if I wasn't so- if-"

"Achilles."
They looked at him with red-rimmed eyes.

"Nothing you did caused her to rape you. You were on drugs, a little drunk, and very vulnerable. She took advantage of that. You didn't do anything. You didn't ask her to and you didn't tell her to. This isn't your fault" 

Achilles stared at him for a moment before curling into him again. He stroked through their hair as they cried and tried to comfort him the best he could. 

"You're not gross or dirty or stupid... And even if it was a woman who raped you that doesn't mean 'it doesn't count' chilles.  I can't guarantee that if people heard of this there wouldn't be assholes who'd say that but we both know it counts. You're just as valid as any over victim okay? And- even if you're not ready to tell people i'll still be at your side." 

He continued to stroke their hair and when they pulled away he pressed a kiss to their cheek. 

"I just- I'm trying to fix this in any way I can, just- tell me what you need" 

"Don't leave me again. ever."

"Always" He mumbled squeezing their hand.

"I care about you so, so much. I'm never gonna leave you again." 

Achilles just nodded and began picking at his hands again. Patroclus decided it was definitely an anxiety thing. 

"now- uhm.. there are a few places we can go from here chilles."

Achilles looked up at him. 

"We.. we could go to the police for starters-"

"No. I don't want them to know I was on drugs. They'll ask too many questions  I  can't- maybe the school lets us get away with it because they're paid off but the police.."

"you have enough money to keep things quiet Achilles-" 

"No. That's the end of it" They snapped.

"Okay okay- I wont force you. Your second option your mother."

"mother?"

"i cant imagine Thetis would let this go if she heard. Your mother loves you more than life itself- more than her career more than anything Achilles. I've seen how protective she is over you. If she heard anyone or anything hurt you she would be here in an instant-"

"If Mother showed up furious without explaining to anyone people would be begging to find out why. I don't- I don't want this in the public. it's humiliating."

"chilles- you don't need to be embarrassed" He responded softly,

"but I am. I feel weak and stupid even if you say I'm not. and I don't want people to know"

"Achilles-"

"Please don't argue with me over this. I feel like shit, everything hurts, my head is pounding and I just- I'm so tired" Their voice broke a little on that last word.

"Okay. Okay then, no telling Thetis."
"How about your dad."

"When he comes back to school.. we can go down and explain the situation. He could have her expelled, get you access to therapy.."

Achilles didn't respond for ten minutes. He didn't press.

"I'll tell him... I'll tell him but only if you come with me."

"of course" 

"Can you maybe write it out for me? I don't really want to say it aloud."

"of course" he mumbled softening a little at the request"

Achilles sat there blankly, staring at the wall.

"Achiiles? you can be upset over this if you want. cry if you want, you know I'm never going to judge you sweetheart." 

Achilles looked away at that and when he glanced back at Patroclus there were tears in his eyes. He took a seat next to the boy and let them climb into his lap and cry. His poor sweet Achilles. 

Chapter Text

Sunday 1st November

Achilles had fallen asleep on him and he had let them. He sat contentedly tracing small patterns into their skin. Something about their familiar weight on his lap and the pattern of their breaths was soothing. He might not know what he was doing or how to help but Achilles was still there. He had been hurt but he was still Achilles. He observed the way their lips parted, the way their hair had fallen into their face, the thin slither of skin above their hip that was exposed.

A dull ache formed in his heart. He had never wanted anyone so badly. He wasn't exactly sure why or what that meant. He didn't want them in any romantic or sexual sense- and even if he did he wouldn't act on it, not after what just happened. He just wanted this. He wanted an infinity more minutes of this. 

More soft touches in the silence of their room, more moments curled up together, more moments on top of each other, more affectionate kisses to the forehead. He wanted it so badly. He wanted to hear their voice, wanted to bathe in their scent, wanted to admire every angle and memorize it. He wanted to wake up and fall asleep like this, wanted to wash their face for them and braid their hair. He wanted to go shopping together and go to new cafes every Saturday. He wanted to take their shoes off for them and help them into their pajamas. How easy it would be to spend the rest of his time caring for them in every sense of the word. 

His Achilles who put everything perfect and bright to shame with his own effortless beauty.

He wished they would stay his. 

He wished he could find a way to preserve all these moments in which Achilles belonged only to him.

He took a deep breath and let the thoughts pass. This wasn't what Achilles needed right now, he didn't need to know that Patroclus wished he could keep him forever, didn't need to know Patroclus was thinking of stupid domestic moments with him every chance he got. He needed someone to help him, not whatever he was doing. 

He sighed as he looked down at their face which was soft with sleep, he pressed his lips to the top of their forehead, his nose tickled by their hair. He adored them. He knew he did, and it was killing him. He let his hands fall from their hips, instead they started working on gently prying Achilles off of him. He pushed him back against the bed gently before getting up. 

He sat himself outside on the balcony with a notepad and pen. He would write out everything he knew in a letter to Peleus and let Achilles edit it once awake. 

To Peleus

He frowned.

To Peleus

Dear Mr Pelides.

On Halloween night I and Achilles attended a party thrown by one of the students in our year, Paris, (son of Priam) 

He knew Peleus knew Priam, Priam owned the company TROY and had done business with Peleus in the past, they remained on friendly terms, and as far as he could tell Peleus liked Priam.

At this party, everyone was extremely drunk or drugged up including your son. I don't know what he took, lord knows- probably some sort of depressant. 

No. He couldn't say that. He had to be tactful about this. He groaned and rubbed at his stinging eyes. 

The party was at one of his father's unattended manners, two trains away from school.

He probably already knew where the party was considering the fact he was the one who chose to turn a blind eye to it and let it go on yet he added the location just in case.

Achilles wanted to go as it was an extremely popular party and asked me to go with him to which I said yes because I wanted to spend the holiday with him. 

He inwardly cringed at that. Because he wanted to spend the holiday with him? Peleus had always given him funny looks when he was younger, for example when he insisted on gifting Achilles 'precious' things (whatever pretty-looking shell or stone young Patroclus had found outside) or let Achilles wear his finest clothes or use his nicest toys- part of him thought maybe Peleus had suspected whatever weird feelings he had for Achilles back then. He was hesitant for the same thing to happen now. If Peleus suspected something like that it would be a lot worse now, what if he told Achilles? Peleus had always seemed amused by it but telling Achilles something like that now meant a lot more than it did back then. 

By what you read next this is not an attempt to snitch in any way i promise-

Like many teenage parties, there were of course substances brought by older students, I don't tell you this to be some sort of snitch I only say it as it's important to what happened next. 

Achilles like everyone else at the party was eager not to miss out on all the fun and excitement took some sort of substance. I don't know what it is and he can't remember, I think it was some sort of depressant from the way he was acting. 

Guilt tugged at him as he wrote this, he didn't want to get Achilles in trouble.

Please don't be mad at him it wasn't his fault. I should have looked out for him and I'm really sorry I didn't. 

That night a girl found him barely conscious and took advantage of him. 

He felt sick as he continued writing.

She said she was bringing me to him and started touching him, Achilles had his eyes closed and didnt question the touching because he thought it was me giving him a handjob. 

He scribbled that out. That sounded wrong. That made it sound like Achilles had wanted Patroclus to have sex with him- like Achilles was gay or something. Both of those facts were most definitely false, Achilles wasn't gay he had a girlfriend, And he didn't want Patroclus to do that with him either, that night he was just confused. Patroclus thought that maybe Achilles had let the girl who was pretending to be Patroclus touch him because he trusted Patroclus, not because he wanted  Patroclus to touch him. That thought made his heart ache. Achilles trusted him too much.

The girl took advantage of the fact he could barely keep his eyes open and touched him. I don't know what exactly went down and like I said he was barely aware of what was happening at the time, all I saw was when I walked outside she had one hand down his trousers and one down her own. 

When she saw me she ran away.  

Nausea bubbled up within him. His gut clenched. His poor Achilles.

Me and Achilles have talked about it. He didn't realize what she was doing and when he found out he was extremely upset and distressed. He couldn't consent and has been affected really badly by it. 

I'm sorry I couldn't look after him better. 

He wanted to cry, he missed Achilles.

I took him straight to school after and stayed by him the whole night. I'm so sorry. 

-Patroclus.

He put the pen and notepad down and got up, quickly stumbling back into the room to check on Achilles, still asleep. 

He walked to them and knelt by the bed staring at them carefully. 

The gentle slope of their nose, their upturned carefully pink lips, their long lashes fanned out against golden skin. 

The sight was soothing. Achilles was okay right now. 

He reached out to wake them but thought better of it, he let out a huff as he stood, his hands wringing anxiously. He bent down to press a gentle kiss to their cheekbone before heading out to the balcony again. 

He wrote his letter up again neatly now.

Dear Mr Pelides.

On Halloween night I and Achilles attended a party thrown by one of the students in our year, Paris, (son of Priam) 

The party was at one of his father's unattended manners, two trains away from school.

Achilles wanted to go as it was an extremely popular party and asked me to go with him to which I said yes because I wanted to spend the holiday with him. 

Like many teenage parties, there were of course substances brought by older students, I don't tell you this to be some sort of snitch I only say it as it's important to what happened next. 

Achilles like everyone else at the party was eager not to miss out on all the fun and excitement took some sort of substance. I don't know what it is and he can't remember, I think it was some sort of depressant from the way he was acting. 

Please don't be mad at him it wasn't his fault. I should have looked out for him and I'm really sorry I didn't. 

That night a girl found him barely conscious and took advantage of him. 

The girl took advantage of the fact he could barely keep his eyes open and touched him. I don't know what exactly went down and like I said he was barely aware of what was happening at the time, all I saw was when I walked outside she had one hand down his trousers and one down her own. 

When she saw me she ran away.  

Me and Achilles have talked about it. He didn't realize what she was doing and when he found out he was extremely upset and distressed. He couldn't consent and has been affected really badly by it. 

I'm sorry I couldn't look after him better. 

I took him straight to school after and stayed by him the whole night. I'm so sorry. 

-Patroclus.

He should wake Achilles. They could then go over what he had wrote together.

Chapter Text

 Sunday November 1st 2023

He stumbled slightly upon entering the dorm again. The lack of sleep was disarming and he wanted nothing more than to curl up with Achilles again; he knew it would be pointless, he wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

Not now. Not when there was so much to do- so much to figure out. He needed to decide what to do from here. He was sure Achilles' father would be some help yet he didn't really trust anyone else to make all the decisions- besides, there was no guarantee Achilles would listen to his father. Achilles was stubborn. If his father asked him to do something he didn't want to do even if it was the best option Achilles simply would not do it.

He shook his head to clear the thoughts and sat gingerly next to Achilles observing them for a tender moment. He reached a cautious hand out and instead of it finding its place in their hair as it usually did he instead pressed his fingers to their lips. He stared at his rough, calloused fingers against their lips. Their lips were soft and smooth, a delicate pink that complimented them nicely. He had kissed those lips. They had kissed him. He knew what that mouth tasted like, he knew how it was curious and warm, how it could be soothing and gentle when it wanted to be. The thought didn't make his skin grow warm and his head foggy the way it usually did, all he felt now was some sort of strange nostalgia. It's not like he wanted it to happen again- that would be weird. He just wanted to-.

Wanted to what?

He wasn't sure. He just appreciated the warmth and affection of the kiss that's all. He'd like to return the affection. That's all.

He sighed and removed his fingers. He shouldn't be thinking like that- it was so illogical and unlike him to be distracted by such trivial matters. He instead shook a bleary-eyed Achilles awake by the shoulders and waited for them to adjust before speaking.

"I wrote a letter about what happened, you can edit it now"

"its fine"

"...you haven't read it"
He gave them an unimpressed frown. He wanted their input- what if he had gotten something wrong?

" I don't want to. its fine*

"but-"

"seriously I trust whatever you wrote. Can I just go back to bed?"

Oh. They looked exhausted. Who was he to say no?

"oh uhm... okay then"

Achilles paused hesitantly before speaking up again, his voice slightly hesitant now.

"Stay with me. I don't- I don't want you to slip away and leave by the time I'm awake again. I don't like it"

"you mean how you slip away?"
Achilles always left in the mornings, he assumed Achilles didn't mind being alone. Did he?

"That's different"

"is it?"

"Do you want me to stay in the mornings?"

He considered the question before responding.

".. I didn't mind before- but if you leave now let me know. I worry about you"

"I know"

"Good."

Achilles stared at him for a moment not speaking, before reaching out for their hand, he let them take it as they lay back down beside him again. Achilles brought the hand to his hair. He should've guessed. With a small smile, he began the familiar routine of playing with their hair.

He sat there for half an hour before his phone buzzed. With some annoyance, Achilles passed the phone to him so he could check the message,

BRI: Hey- Where are you?

He stared at the message, he wasn't going to respond until

BRI: Drinking last night made me realize something.

He was confused, what was she on about?

 'What?' He muttered under his breath as he watched another message pop up

BRI: No- I need to show you in person.

PAT: I can't

BRI:??

PAT: busy

BRI: with Achilles?

PAT: not like that, he needs me right now

BRI: you're always with him.

PAT: I can't leave him, maybe you could come to the dorm?

BRI: forget it

PAT: just show me next time after class?

BRI: okay.

He stared at the messages.

On some level he felt guilty, he knew she felt like he wasn't paying attention to her, and he was but after last night he didn't think he would be spending much time away from Achilles. His head hurt. He didn't want to think about Briseis anymore. Not for a while anyway.

He sighed and lay back against the bed, closing his eyes, he was tired, and Achilles was letting him stay close. Why put up a fight to stay awake?

Monday 2nd November 2023

The entirety of the morning Patroclus had been persuading Achilles to visit his dad. He had gotten dressed into his school clothes and then made sure Achilles got dressed into their school uniform (much to their displeasure). He helped them with their hair and face, grabbed them something to eat and promptly dragged them to the school foyer. They had entered the office with a strange stiffness as a slightly surprised Peleus greeted them. 

Once sat the letter was slid over a thick wooden desk, the movement slow and precise as the brunette stared at anywhere but Peleus.

Peleus raised an eyebrow at this, a look of fond amusement playing on his face as he watched Patroclus' hand slowly slide the letter over. The older man grasped the letter in his much more casual and quick hand and began reading. Patroclus sat back and stared at Achilles. They were glaring at the floor angrily with a tenseness he didn't usually see in them. He knew they were scared, he wished he could hold them, play with their hair, lie, and say everything was okay. He didn't. He didn't know how Achilles would feel about his dad seeing that, not that Patroclus would be ok with Peleus seeing that anyway.

Peleus looked up to give Patroclus an unimpressed frown. Patroclus assumes he's gotten to the drug part. Achilles is still glowering at the floor, strands of golden blonde cascading down his face.  He sinks down his chair slightly, picking at his nails as Peleus continues to read. 

How strange is it that the last time he was in this office was when he was meeting Achilles? He could remember hugging them that day a few steps away from where he was sitting now. He had been so relieved that they still smelt the same, felt the same. He was so relieved they were the same boy he had grown up with.

When he looks up again Peleus isn't reading, just staring blankly at the paper with an unreadable expression. He watches the man pick up his glass of water from the edge of the desk and take a few sips before returning to the letter, allowing his eyes to scan the contents again. 

He doesn't speak. At all. Just sits there with an intensity Patroclus has never seen before in Peleus. As he observes the man in front of him he is hit with an unwelcome sense of sickness. Peleus looks tired. His skin has grown slightly wrinkled in places, and his expression is now one of deep unhappiness. He looks old. He looks tired. He had never noticed this before. He had just brought this older, tired version of Peleus the news his son had been hurt. He feels a fleeting sense of guilt, he didn't want to hurt Peleus. He liked Peleus. 

Achilles is now looking at his dad, eyes narrowed and nose pink, the way it always is when he's upset. They're looking at each other, daring the other to speak. 

Achilles is like his dad in a way, he has that warmth and fire to him that draws people in, the bravery and humour that people adore. He has the same tells as his dad too. Their jaws clench in the same way, their brows furrow the same and they have identical frowns. He wonders if Achilles will look like his dad when he's older. Peleus isn't unattractive- the contrary, but there are signs of aging present in his face. 

This silent staring match is lost when Peleus looks away, instead turning to Patroclus. 

"Can you give us a moment lad?" 

Patroclus finds himself nodding at that familiar, authoritative voice. He's already on his feet when he hears a sharp rebuttal.

"No. Don't go"

He stares at Achilles unsure of what to do. 

Peleus sighs tiredly 

"Achilles I need to discuss this with you privately-" 

"Why? it's just Patroclus. He knows everything already. Why does it matter?" Achilles bottom lip is jutted out and he's giving his father a look of fixed annoyance and petulance.

"Because son, there are things you need to hear, and it isn't my place to tell Patroclus them too." 

"Bullshit!" Achilles is on his feet now, his voice slightly hoarse

"Patroclus, would you mind?"  Peleus asked with a weathered gaze. 

Achilles looks at him imploringly, shaking his head no but Patroclus is already at the door. He bows his head as he exits, he can hear the soft huff of air that escapes Achilles. 

Patroclus spends the next ten minutes aimlessly walking around. He stops in corridors to stare at paintings and plants, stops to admire flowers and the tile outside. He stops to talk with people he passes and listens to them talk. He tries to smile when they bring up the party but he can't, he just pretends that he's still hungover if they ask why he's so down, they usually laugh at his answer and clap him on the back.

It was only ten minutes yet it felt a lot longer. He bumped into his and Achilles friend Ajax. He likes Ajax, a lot. He's massive for his age yet very warm and friendly. He helps Patroclus in class sometimes, and always smiles and talks to him when he gets the chance. Talking to Ajax was somewhat soothing- until Ajax realized he had forgotten his school bag and had to make a very hasty departure.

He wants to procrastinate going back but he feels a strange uncomfortable twinge of guilt at the thought of leaving Achilles. 

He makes his way back to the office, knocking before entering. 

Peleus is writing something down and Achilles is sitting crying in his chair. His nose and around his eyes are pink, the rest of his face tear-stained and pale looking. 

When Achilles notices him he scoffs and turns away. Patroclus frowns. He knew Achilles didn't want to be alone but there wasn't much he could do. Peleus smiles at him apologetically, telling him to sit down. 

"While you were gone me and Achilles settled on a few terms. This whole affair will not be made public, nor will legal action be taken against the girl" 

Patroclus feels his anger bubble up and he's about to object when Peleus continues. 

"You will both attend therapy separately for a minimum of three months and after that, we will focus on having the girl expelled. I want to give you both a chance to somewhat recover before I make you go through the process of talking with the girl and identifying her." 

"that's dumb. You shouldn't let her get away that's such a shitty decision-!"

Achilles looks up at him at the loud exclamation

"Well its my fucking choice what i want to do. No one asked you to get involved."

The room is so suddenly tense and silent and Patroclus can feel his throat tightening uncomfortably. 

He can feel his skin burning in embarrassment as Achilles glowers at him. In the corner of his eye he can see a very uncomfortable awkward Peleus shuffling the papers on his desk. 

"Chilles- that's not what i meant-" He begun with a frown

"you know i-" 

"be quiet" 

Achilles snaps and so he is, he falls silent and stares at the carpeted floor uncomfortably. 

Achilles gets up abruptly, storming out, slamming the door as he goes.

It takes a few minutes before either Patroclus or Peleus talks.

"I'm.. I'm sorry. About all of this Patroclus"

He looks up at that with wary eyes. Did he mean the assault or Achilles yelling?

"It's a lot for a child to process and navigate, It's hard on both of you boys."

He just looks at them blankly

"I think- He gets an attitude like that sometimes but I have a feeling that maybe wasn't his attitude we just saw. I can see he was annoyed you left"

"he just- he doesn't like being alone too much in general"

"No. he doesn't." Peleus agrees.

"he always was a strange boy. popular- but not necessarily good with other people when he was little. You know... awkward, blunt, honest." Peleus looks like he wants to say something else but refrains.

"you always evened him out nicely though- didn't let him push you around. I take it you still don't let him?"

Patroclus falters for a second. He didn't usually did he? Maybe he did? did he really care if Achilles pushed him around-? not really.

"I try not to...?"

"That's good. He needs someone like you sometimes"

Needs. He needs him.

"I'm going to be honest about all of this"

"I'd hope so"

"i never imagined something like this happening to Achilles" Peleus says this with a look of regret on his face.

"I don't know what i'm doing or how to talk about this or help or-"

"I don't care." The words slip out before he can stop them.

He doesn't care though.

Not really. 

He doesn't want to hear that they don't know what to do.

"excuse me?"

"I don't care. Don't- don't brush it off though. It's important to me please don't-"

He takes a deep breath trying to gather his thoughts

"Be there for him. Is all. don't turn on him or pretend it didn't happen or blame him or-"

"i wasn't going to"

"you weren't?"

He feels suspicion ebbing at his mind. 

"..no."

"I meant that- I said I don't know what i'm doing because I don't. I need you to be patient. i'm still trying to process all of this and it's not going to be easy. I need you to just understand that if i make a mistake or upset one of you that it wasn't my intention to do so"

"i-"

"my boy, my only boy has been- and i didn't stop it"

Peleus voice breaks as he looks down at his desk.

"its.. i feel empty right now if i'm honest. all i can think about is how someone hurt my son and he didn't want to tell me"

Patroclus looks up suddenly confused.

"yes he did"

"did he? because its you who wrote that letter for me and him who stormed out of my office"

"he just-"

He paused. Achilles did trust his dad he was just- he wasn't sure how to explain this.

"he's embarrassed and scared. He's always been like this when he was upset or embarrassed. I just encouraged him to come to you. He just- He's confused, exhausted, hurt and- he needs time to process. he trusts you- otherwise he would have told me no when i asked him to talk with you. just- keep trying. he needs his dad. he's scared"

They sit in silence for a short while after that.

"you're a  good boy. I'm sorry. This isn't about my feelings. All I'm trying to say is to be patient with me, with Achilles, with yourself. I  promise you- i'm going to do everything in my power to fix this. I'm disgusted with myself for letting him go to one of those parties. I should have never let it go on in the first place."

"no, you shouldn't have"

He pauses

"but this isn't your fault either, you're doing as much as you can right now. i think so anyway"

"thank you."

Silence.

"like i said you're good. i couldn't be more delighted my son has someone like you. i know he can be.. testing at times. But i've seen how he gets when you two argue, he misses you which for him? it must mean you mean a lot to him. thank you"

"its okay. i just want to be around him"

Peleus gives him a sad smile at that, and a look that's all too knowing.

The door is slammed open with a loud thud and they both turn to look. 

Achilles is stood there looking slightly less upset, more just agitated and irritated now. He walks in, speaking as he takes a seat. 

"you're not going to believe who i just saw in the gardens together, Paris and Helen, eating from eachothers fingers, it's disgusting" 

Peleus rolls his eyes at the announcement, Patroclus feels like right now Peleus couldn't give a shit about Helen and Paris. Patroclus faintly remembers seeing them in the bathroom together and his mood sours. He doesn't like Paris or Helen, they're awful. 

"well.. thank  you for that much-needed update son, that's definitely at the top of my worries right now, Paris and Heidi" 

Peleus mutters as he opens his laptop

"Helen dad." Achilles scowls from his seat and Patroclus cant help but smile slightly. 

"Mhm? why is Helen and Paris a problem? do you boys like her-?" Peleus mumbles absentmindedly as he pulls up a website. 

"god no. I don't and I doubt Pat does either." 

"fascinating" Peleus mutters dryly"

Patroclus is a little confused in the mood change but doesn't bother mentioning it

"i want to put you guys in contact with  a therapist i've used before, he's amazing- he's helped with all sorts of different celebrities though he's worked with youth before. Worked at a school i helped open in my twenties.Amazing man, even Thetis likes him" 

"Achilles rolls his eyes at that. 

"He's been considering working with youth again and a month ago i had him sign a contract, he'll be with us for a year minimum. His office has been opened upstairs. I'd like you guys to see him at least twice a week, okay?" 

They both nodded and Peleus smiled. 

"You may also leave classes and go sit in your dorm, the gardens or his office if you need. Okay?" 

Again they both nodded and Peleus dismissed him. 

Achilles hung back and once outside the office Patroclus turned to look for him. He caught a glimpse of Achilles hugging his dad and he felt a smile creep onto his face.

Chapter Text

Monday 2nd November 2023

The rest of their day was fairly uneventful. 

They decided to spend the day roaming around the gardens and talking. Not that they talked of anything in particular.

After that Patroclus and Achilles ate dinner in their dorm. 

Patroclus ignored all the messages from Briseis, he was far too tired to answer, especially when Achilles was there.

He didn't mind listening to them rant on about stupid things, or watch them mess around with his stuff, he just liked looking at them, being near them. 

Tuesday 3rd November 2023

They had both skipped classes today.

Achilles had started of really down that day. He hadn't wanted to get up and when he did he barely talked.

Patroclus had mentioned something about going to take a shower and Achilles just sighed.

“I need to shower too but-“

“I’m tired. I don't really want to have to wash my hair”

They were right, their hair was starting to grow greasy and tangled. He frowned. Achilles usually took great care of his appearance.

“Do you want me to wash and brush it for you?”

The words tumbled out without a second thought. Achilles stared at him blankly. He hadn't thought of the implications.

He felt his neck and ears grow hot and red from what he just said, a stab of discomfort in his stomach.

“That was stupid- sorry- I didn't think that through.. uhm” He began to stammer out awkwardly

“No. It's fine. It would be nice if you did that”

A beat of silence passed

“Okay”

He was glad they thought it was a nice gesture.

"You won't have been before- it's typically only for older students but upstairs they have a bathing unit- no one ever questions me using the baths up there. Can we go there? I prefer it to the showers" 

He nodded slowly and grabbed Achilles' towels from their drawer. 

Achilles led him upstairs to the corridor full of older students' dorms and then to the bathing rooms. The bathing rooms consisted of a series of about 20 different small rooms in a row. Achilles led him into one and locked the door. The room was clean and tidy, stocked with different oils, lotions, soaps, conditioners, and shampoos on a ladder shelf. Opposite the large bath, there was a sink embedded in a counter alongside a mirror. The bath was large and white, with a handheld shower head attached above it to the wall. 

He messed around with the collections of soaps as he suddenly felt a wave of nervousness.

He really hadn't considered the fact Achilles would be in the bath while he did this. in the bath bare. And now was definitely not the time to be conflicted about this. 

When he looked around Achilles had started the warm water, and begun by removing his shirt. He kept his gaze downcast, trying to offer them privacy. Achilles noticed this. 

"Why are you stood like that?"

"Like what?"

"You won't look at me"

"You're undressing" 

"So?" 

"..Do you not want privacy?"

"I want you to stop being obtuse" 

"You've seen me naked before" 

"When we were like ten!" 

"So what if we were ten? I don't care if it's you looking. Stop being all modest now" Achilles scolded through laughs, he was glad they found this amusing at least.

"Are you sure it's okay to look?" 

"Do you feel weird about looking?" 

"..No I was just was trying to be polite." 

"What a gentleman" 

At Patroclus' unimpressed scoff he continued.

"Then yes it's okay. I mean i'm not entirely sure how you expected to wash my hair without looking..." 

"I didn't think it through" 

He heard Achilles sinking into the fragrant bath water and laughing to themselves. 

He looked at their figure in the bath before walking over, glimpses of taut muscle beneath golden skin catching his eye.

"Stop laughing. You're insufferable" 

Achilles only beamed at him.

He was glad he had cheered them up somewhat.

He knelt by the bathtub so his head was level with theirs.

Achilles began to ramble on about Helen and Paris again, conspiring about all the drama they suspect will happen when they confirm themselves as a couple. He listened as well as he could while he washed their hair. He dampened their hair using a jug, filling it with warm water from the bath before applying the shampoo, gently massaging it into their scalp. He used the shower head to carefully rinse the shampoo out before moving on to the conditioner. He let that sit for a few minutes while he listened to them. He rested his chin on their shoulder while he waited, the warm, steamy air making him drowsy.  They took no notice and simply let him as they themselves fidgeted with their hands while talking. 

Maybe he sat like that five minutes longer than necessary but who was he to deny a little self-indulgence from time to time? Besides Achilles didn't seem to mind the company.

Once their hair was washed and they had washed their body he let them dry themselves before towel drying and plaiting their hair for them. They sat patiently while he worked not minding the pace he worked at or his silence.

Back in their dorm Achilles had placed himself on the floor with their guitar while Patroclus began to answer his messages and emails. 

"You know.. my dad told me something"

"Mhm?"

"While you were gone" 

"Are you sure you wanna tell me?"

"Yes" 

"Okay then"

"When my mother was starting out as a model she was raped." 

He felt a surge of sickness within himself at the words. Thetis? Raped?

"oh." 

"She was raped like I was and apparently she's never wanted to have sexual relationships again" 

"but-"

"She married my dad as a business strategy and had me because she wanted her own child. She didn't love my dad." 

He knew what it was like to have parents who didn't love each other.

"..that's.. i'm sorry" 

"that's awful I can't-" 

"yeah. it's a lot to think about" 

"it is" 

"are you upset she didn't love your dad?" 

"no. she doesn't love anyone apart from me. i've always known that" 

"i guess so." 

"It worries me" 

"do you think i'll turn out like that?" 

"..i don't know" 

"there's- sometimes i don't think i'll ever love anyone, i've barely loved anyone anyway and i only enjoy sex because it feels good- not because i get to be intimate with someone else." 

"but then again some people make me think i could love someone if they let me." 

"oh?" 

"I feel like loving someone like you wouldn't be bad. it would be nice. we'd all get along" 

He stared at them as they plucked at their guitar idly. 

"maybe" 

" i'm going to therapy tonight to talk about everything. Then i'm going to my dad's to just.. hangout." 

"..okay" 

"don't bother staying up for me" 

".. it's still the morning" 

"i wont be back till late" 

"okay." 

That night Achilles came back to the dorm around ten pm. 

He seemed surprised Patroclus was still awake.

"how was therapy?" 

"good. i like the therapist a lot. His office is pretty and he talks with em about uhm.. stuff" 

"mhm?" 

"he reminds me of you a bit. He's really nice" 

"oh."

"you should go see him later."

"i will" 

"can we just go to bed straight away tonight? i'm tired" 

"of course" 

They hesitantly glanced at their bed before looking over at Patroclus' bed. They ended up climbing into Patroclus' bed and falling asleep almost instantly.

Wednesday 4th November 2023 

Patroclus had made the decision when he woke up to simply not go to class and instead go visit the new therapist. 

He didn't want to see everyone right now and therapy seemed like an appropriate excuse not to.

He had to admit part of him was anxious and uneasy about the whole concept of going to therapy yet he forced himself to go anyway. Achilles liked the therapist, and he liked Achilles. He trusted their judgment more than anything so the fact the new therapist had Achilles' approval was somewhat soothing to him. 

He had gotten dressed into his school uniform and then woken up Achilles to let them know where he was disappearing off to so early. They had sat up and stared at him groggily, wrapping their arms around him in a drowsy hug. They were warm and soft in the early morning light. He smiled into their skin as he buried his face in their neck. He liked these moments they shared. 

They still smelt of the soaps from yesterday.

With much hesitation, Achilles pulled away to look at him

"You'll come find me later?" 

Their eyes were apprehensive and worried, their brows furrowed ever so slightly. 

"Yeah, i'll find you." 

They stared at him as if contemplating whether or not he was telling the truth 

"okay. Make sure you do." 

He smiled as he watched the faint creases from their frown smooth out, he pressed a quick kiss to their temple before getting up. Once at the door he turned to see that Achilles had curled back up into a ball, eyes shut and jaw slack. He found himself smiling at the sight before disappearing into the hallways.

He didn't take long to make his way to what he supposed had to be the therapist's office. He had never gotten their name, not that it mattered- there was no plaque with their name on the door yet. Would they even be in the office yet? it was early, Breakfast had just started. People were still waking up. He was suddenly hit with a wave of embarrassment, it was rude to show up with no warning this early. He shouldn't be here. 

On the other hand if he didn't go he would have to go to class later. He was already here, he might as well.

Peleus wanted him to go to therapy, he was going to therapy- at least now he was. Kind off. He should go, it was good for him and everyone who knew him. Really it would be rude and impolite not to go to therapy.

He steeled himself before promptly opening the office door. 

The office was a dimly lit room with a few burning sticks of lavander incense scattered everywhere. Plants and small trinkets littered every surface,  a cup of tea placed directly in the center of the oak desk. He watched the steam curl up from the hot liquid as he thought to himself.

There was no one in the office not from what he could tell. Maybe it was too early. 

Just as he was about to turn and exit he heard a low, amused voice from behind him. 

"Can I help you?" 

He spun around to see a man.

He was tall and large in build, maybe about 6,6. He had dark, rich skin and a dimpled smile. Achilles had dimples when he smiled. His eyes were tired-looking yet warm and friendly, almost black in colour. He was dressed in brown corduroy trousers and a soft, earthy-green looking jumper. His hair fell past his shoulders in thick brown waves and he had a matching beard. 

He looked slightly confused by Patroclus' presence yet not annoyed.

"therapy"

"uhm- im meant to be therapised?" He said sounding lost. 

Therapised? is that even a word. He cringed inwardly though the man in front of him only laughed. A rich, comforting sound. He walked past Patroclus and took a seat at the desk. 

"Well you certainly found your way to the right place." 

At Patroclus' apprehensive expression, he spoke again

"take a seat" 

He took a seat and stared at the floor bashfully

"I'm sorry, i didn't mean to intrude so early i just-" 

"it's no worry. It's what i'm here for, and in my personal and professional opinion help should be sought the second you feel you need it so i'm glad you came to me."

"So Patroclus tell me about yourself." 

What? how did he- 

The man smiled 

"I was told about you" 

He took a moment before he remembered to respond

"Peleus?"

The man shook his head. 

"No. His son. He likes to talk about you a lot."

"oh" 

Is that why Achilles wouldn't tell him what he talked about in therapy? Was it bad things he said? His cheeks grew hot with subtle embarrassment and he looked at the floor.

"not bad things. A lot of what he thinks about seems to revolve around you" 

Patroclus narrowed his eyes at that. What does that even mean?

"okay" 

"as descriptive as your ...friend?" 

The man said the word friend as if testing the waters. That was even more confusing, what else could he and Achilles' relationship be mistaken for?

"as descriptive as your...friend is, i would like to hear about you in your own words. And i need you to fill out a form" 

He nodded stiffly as the man begun asking him questions. He asked basic things like who his friends were, his favourite places, his favourite foods and colours. He felt slightly annoyed, he couldn't tell whether he should consider the questions condescending or friendly.

The form he was handed asked fairly standard questions. Standard for therapy anyway- more or less what he expected. 

The questions mainly asked if he had ever tried to harm himself or harm other people. 

After that the man in front of him wasted no time in getting to the point.

"How do you feel about the situation then?" 

"It's not about me so why does it matter?" 

"no, it's not all about you- your right, but you are being affected by it, and that matters. I'd like to hear your input on the situation if it isn't to much trouble" 

"Uhm."

"would you like me to ask you some questions about it?"

"..okay"

"How is it effecting you?"

"It makes me nervous. not for myself really for 'Chilles. I dont- I dont really like the idea of leaving him alone anymore. I want to be beside him so it doesn't happen again. It scares me, for him. sometimes i think that its my fault for leaving him alone. Apparently he thought the gril was me, did he tell you that? He only let it happen because he trusted me. His trust in me is why he was raped and its my fault and i don't- i don't know how to make it better. I don't know if i can make it better. not completely anyway and i dont- what if i cant?" 

He blurted out before he could stop himself. The man raised an eyebrow at that and nodded slowly.

"It seems like you have a lot to process hm?" 

He nodded awkwardly. He felt slightly hot after his admission. He felt weird. It's strange telling someone all of this.

"I'd like to start by addressing the feelings of guilt you seem to be having. It's not you or Achilles' trust in you that caused that girl to assault him. It was the rapists decision to rape him, not yours." 

"But if.. i could have stopped it" 

"I don't think so. You may be able to prevent a rapist from acting  once when you know they're going to try to, but ultimately you can't stop them raping as a whole. they will rape and assault whether you manage to prevent it once or not. And you didn't know what she was going to do did you? it's unrealistic to expect yourself to protect him form that happening when you didn't know it was going to happen in the first place." 

It made sense yet he still felt guilty. 

"Many people feel guilty for being unharmed when someone close to them is harmed. Especially when the harmful event happened when you were at the same place at the same time. It's easy to imagine yourself in their place if you change a few details of the event even if its unrealistic. You feel guilty for being the one that wasn't hurt while he was. Do you think it should've been you in his place?" 

He looked up at that 

"Kind off."

"Well- that's a perfectly reasonable and valid response to the event. You may feel this way as you see taking his place as a way of protecting him. You care about him deeply from what i can tell and i believe your feelings of guilt are coming from the fact you think it should've been you who was hurt and not him." 

"so- what you're trying to tell me is that i have some kind of.. survivors guilt?" 

"In a way I believe you do."

“there are ways to cope with those type of feelings.. I think the first step is to learn how to recognize these irrational negative thoughts- write them down if you can and then list all the ways they are flawed and illogical. Recognizing these thoughts and dissecting them will help you slowly adjust to easing these feelings of guilt and responsibility.”

He nodded awkwardly at that.

”And my office is always open of you struggle to handle these thoughts by yourself. I'm simply  a tool to help you navigate and process difficult feelings”

That made sense. Still he felt odd talking about it with this man. 

"I also think its important to mention your need to 'fix' this" 

He nodded cautiously. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear this part.

"I would like to make it clear that in no way is his recovery your responsibility"

He opened his mouth to object before he was cut off.

"And that you cannot predict or control his recovery" 

He looked at them dumbly before speaking.

"Maybe not but i can try." 

They smiled at him sadly and nodded.

"Well you can definitely try to speed up or aid his recovery but that doesn't mean it will happen" 

He frowned at that. 

"These sort of things affect everyone differently, and if I'm honest no one ever really fully recovers from it" 

"with time, and support and help he will manage to get to the point where he isn't thinking about it constantly and is less affected by it in day-to-day life but he wont ever go back to how he was before. He may struggle with trusting people and intimate relationships for the rest of his life and you need to accept that you can't control that" 

"I know I can't.. control it but I don't want- I don't want to feel like I'm just doing nothing. I want to help" 

He nodded and wrote something down

"You are helping. Respect his boundaries, listen, communicate and offer comfort when you can and you are helping. Right now the most you could do is be there for him. Do you understand?" 

Yes. Yes he did understand but that doesn't mean he was any happier about it.

"yes"

"As for being anxious about being away from him, you should also know that being by his side constantly may be overwhelming for him and to give him privacy and space when needed- to ease your own discomfort you can set out specific times for when you will next see him, make sure to say goodbye, text him to check on him and if he doesn't respond don't freak out- simply sit down think about it logically, all the most likely reasons he may not be able to respond. Okay?" 

"Okay. I could try that." 

"Good. let me know about if it helps or not, or any changes in your feelings" 

"right" 

"am i done?" 

"No. Not if you don't want to be, we can talk about anything." 

"Do you tell Peleus what we talk about?" 

"No. He might ask how much progress you're making an i'll tell him if you seem better or worse than usual but that's all. everything is confidential. I don't record anything you don't want and any notes I make are locked away in tour own individual draw."

 "May I ask something personal?"

"Yes"

"Do you see Peleus as some sort of parental figure?" 

"uhm. Kind off I guess. More of an uncle I guess, he was always friends with my dad."

"mhm. Your dad?"

He feels anxiety prick at him and his body grow tense

"Yes"

"you don't talk to him?"

"He doesn't want me a son anymore."

"..do you want him as a dad?"

No one had ever asked him that before. Did he? Not really. He wasn't much of a dad, still it hurt though.

"Not really" 

"Would you like to discuss this further?" Asked the man seeming to sense his unease

"No." 

"That's alright"

"What are you going to do later?" 

"I don't know. I want to hang out with Achilles." 

He smiled at that. 

"Hang out and do what?" 

" I dont' know. Most of the time he just likes to sleep next to me while i study or talk at me while i listen. I don't mind it though. I  just like being around him" 

"What does he like to talk about?"

"All sorts. Sometimes he'll talk about gossip or what he learnt- or he'll talk about his parents or upcoming deals and shows he has. Sometimes he talks about clothes or shopping or going out or his friends. Anything really, whatever he can think of. He hasn't been very talkative since the party. He seems to want to just be near me. I'm fine with that though" 

"...it sounds like you are very good friends then." 

"yeah- he's my roommate" 

A flicker of amusement played on the mans face as he seemed to be trying not to laugh

"...you're roommates" 

"yes."

Patroclus didn't get it. 

The man sipped on his cup of tea and reached down to grab a tin before offering it to him, the remnants of his laughter dying out.

"Biscuit?" 

"oh... okay then." 

He took the biscuit. Ginger. 

"Tea, maybe?" 

"No thank you." 

"your loss, i just got a new herbal mix" 

"herbal? my mother used to drink a pomegranate herbal tea" 

"pomegranate, that's an interesting fruit- was she into poetry or art perchance?" 

"she liked music." 

"hm. well i cant say i've tried pomegranate tea." 

"it's really nice" 

"i'll order some, we can have a couple cups together when it arrives, maybe you could bring a friend a long”

He would like that

”thank you”

“Would you like to stay awhile?”

“no i have to go to class. is it okay if i see you again tomorrow?” 

“of course”

”do you plan on coming regularly?”

”i don't know. I might only go twice a week because that's what Peleus said to do” 

“that's quite alright”

“Patroclus?” 

“yes?” 

“My names Chiron.” 

He nodded before exiting.

Chapter Text

Wednesday 4th November 2023

Patroclus had gone to class somewhat reluctantly. He had so far been ignoring Briseis so he could spend more time with Achilles. He knew it was wrong. He really did, but he didn't think Briseis would understand if he tried to explain to her why. He knew she had always been wary of Achilles but that's just because she had no idea how great Achilles could be. 

How nice his shampoo smelt, how pretty he was asleep- she didn't know what he sounded like after waking up or how he rambled on about what he was interested in. She didn't know how he got all flushed when he cried or was nervous. She would never know. Part of him was glad she wouldn't ever see that side of Achilles. She wouldn't appreciate it the way he could anyway. 

So instead of talking with her or trying to explain he sat and worked with other people like Ajax. Ajax seemed pleased that Patroclus wanted to sit with him. 

And so that was how the rest of his day was spent. Messing around in class with Ajax and a few others while very pointedly ignoring Briseis.

When classes finished he had headed back to his dorm only to find Deidamia loitering there. 

"Hey there" 

She snapped her head to the left to glare at him. Her eyes had a sought of startled alertness present in them, her hair ever so slightly ruffled; stray strands sticking out messily. He figured she was probably here to see Achilles. Maybe she was worried about him, after all, he hadn't been showing up to class. Maybe she had even figured out that something happened at the party. 

The party.

He wonders if she remembers talking to him in the bathroom, how she had sat and cried to him.

"Achilles should be in there if you wanna talk with him-" 

She scoffed indignantly at that clearly not impressed by this new piece of information.

"I know. I'm not stupid he's been missing all his classes, where else would he be?" 

He frowned and looked at her more carefully. He knew she could get snappy but he thought maybe she had considered him a friend by now. Perhaps not. There was a restlessness and unease to her that usually wasn't there. Her nail polish was chipped and her lips were chapped. was something wrong? Usually, she was so  ...polished. It was strange to see her hesitating like this.  If there was anything he had heard about her from his classmates it was about how calculated she was. She would not have come here without a purpose. 

He paused before speaking, running the words over in his head- he didn't want to upset or distress her more by accident.

"Would you like to come in maybe?" 

She looked at him with a subtle softness suddenly in her eyes- almost insecure.

"No I- Patroclus?"

He nodded a little confusedly, studying her new expression.

She took a deep breath and glanced down at herself before meeting his eyes again

"has Achilles ever talked about kids with you-? like- does he want kids?" 

He pauses, a sudden nagging suspicion fills him. 

"No. but- I honestly don't know if he'd like having kids. he's very.. uhm.. focused on specific people. Unless he's like obsessed with someone I doubt he'd want kids with them" 

She nodded sagely and thanked him. 

He didn't miss the abnormality of the question. Was she already planning a future with Achilles?

"why? we're still quite young to think about all of this you know. you might not want kids when you get older- and he might change his mind too." 

She looks away almost bashfully 

"we are young aren't we?"

He stares at her and feels an uncomfortable twist in his stomach.

She was young. too young to be,- was she? That didn't seem like her but maybe-

"Dei? Is there something you want to tell me?" 

She stares at him and her face becomes unreadable again. She's remembered who she is it seems, she won't accept any sort of accusation. 

"Watch that mouth of yours and what it says or you're gonna get yourself in trouble one day" 

She scowls and he finds himself smiling. Maybe this is why Achilles likes her, she's bold. He's relieved she's back to normal anyway.

"I will. Wanna come in then?"

"No."
"see you."

She doesn't wait for a reply before she sets off again looking annoyed. He watches her go before entering his dorm again.

The room is dark when he enters and the balcony doors are thrown open wide, a gentle breeze of icy winter air coming through. Achilles is sitting on the bed watching a film. He doesn't say anything as he stares at Patroclus. He pats the space next to him and Patroclus doesn't object. He sits next to them, head resting on their shoulder tiredly. He hadn't realized just how tired he was.

"I went to therapy today"

Achilles nods. They look tired.

"He's nice" 

"Yeah. He made me tea" 

Patroclus grins as a thought pops into his head.

"He said you talk about me a lot."

Achilles frowns and his cheeks grow a little pink 

"Go away" 

"That's not very nice-" He starts as he leans over to grin at him. They push him away with an irritated hand and a loud huff. He finds himself laughing as they turn on their side away from him. He reaches an arm over them and grins down at them 

"hey- I'm just joking- cmon-" 

"Get out" 

"It's my bed" He points out.

"I don't like you" 

"I don't believe you" 

They frown at him and flip him off which only makes him laugh more. he lays back down beside them arm still slung teasingly over their waist, face pressed into their neck. Their hair tickles his nose and their skin is scorching warm against his own.

They don't say anything more but don't shove him away immediately either.

"watch a film with me" 

He smiled at that. So much for Achilles not liking him. He breathed in, face buried in their hair- it was always strangely comforting to be like this.

"on?"

"my phone" 

"Are you sure you don't want to switch to my laptop maybe,?" 

"yes"

They restarted the film for him and settled down... He couldn't see the small screen from how they were positioned but he didn't care anyway. It didn't matter he liked laying like this with them. 

As the film went on he found it harder and harder to stay awake, he slipped his hand under the hem of their shirt to feel their skin, familiar heat bubbling in his stomach as he lay there. He felt Achilles turn to look at him. He kept his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He felt cautious fingers along his jaw.

He could feel their head tuck into the crook of his neck and he allowed himself to smile.

Thursday 5th November 2023

Today Achilles didn't want to be touched. 

When he had woken up they were about a foot away in the bed. He had grown used to their slightly unusual amount of physical contact and so He had tried to reach out for their hand which they had then hastily tucked away in their lap. He was unsure in the beginning if this was some strange tease or not. Achilles had never told him no. He couldn't seem to grasp why they pulled away, why they were glaring at him like that. Should he try touching them again?

 Unsure of whether to or not to push he didn't try again.

They seemed slightly anxious and he was trying to soothe them, not scare them.

"Achilles" 

He called out in a soft cautious voice.

They wouldn't respond or look at him properly, they only mumbled a feeble apology. 

That confused him even more, had they done something while he was asleep? He sat up on the edge of the bed looking at them, they seemed uncomfortable under his gaze 
"Why are you saying sorry?" 

"Uhm. I don't-"  Their voice was dry and uneven "I don't want to be touched right now." 

He stared at them in complete silence for a few minutes

"Okay. do you want to talk about it?"

Maybe this was some kind of trauma response? That's okay. He remembered Chiron's words- He should respect boundaries and listen. It was slightly confusing as they had never done this before but he should try to understand how they were feeling regardless.

He was even more confused about their paled skin and nervous look. 

They just watched him hesitantly, those green eyes unsure and insecure

"I just had a nightmare. everyone found out and I couldn't-" 

His voice wobbled before he burst into tears. He had a dream everyone found out? found out about the rape? They weren't very clear but that would explain why looked so uncomfortable.

He wasn't sure how to comfort them. Usually, he just held them and looked after them. If he couldn't touch what was he supposed to do?

He tried to support them in the ways he thought he knew how to.

“It's okay to feel like that. It's an understandable reaction. Is there anything I can do for you?” 

Achilles stared at him, eyes red and puffy. He shook his head.

”Can you maybe just stay with me?” 

“I thought you didn't want anyone to touch?”

Usually staying together meant lying all over each other.

"I don't. at least not now. I don't want you to leave me alone though. stay please” 

He nodded slowly

”always. do you want me to sit beside you?” 

They nodded and so he sat.

The hours passed slowly and Achilles seemed to slowly calm down again. After a few hours, he crept closer to Patroclus who was studying. It started with gently laying their head on his shoulder, then talking to him again, then laying with their head on his stomach. He had been reclusive and almost silent the majority of the day so he was grateful when they seemed to go back to normal- if a little flat. He spent about an hour scratching their back for them while ranting on about how Briseis kept texting him. This seemed to work well. Achilles seemed to enjoy the gentle touch (after Patroclus asked for their permission to touch) and the distraction of Briseis. 

"I think you should go see her" 

"You think?" 

"mhm. I want to know why she's pestering you so much. it's annoying seeing her pop up on your phone all the time." 

"Well, it's... nearly dinner now. I could go after tea." 

"yeah. That's a good idea" 

"Will you want to come down to dinner with me?" 

Achilles looked at him as if contemplating. He wouldn't be surprised if they said no. They had hardly wanted to talk to him today let alone other people. 

"I will. Ajax was uhm texting me you know" 

He smiled at that. He really did like Ajax.

"I like Ajax. he's your cousin right?" 

"yes. uhm- our family is meeting over the holidays for a weekend. You should come" 

His stomach flipped at the words. Achilles was inviting him to visit him and Ajax, maybe even stay the night. He felt a warmth and joy build in his stomach. Of course, he wanted to be included in Achilles' celebrations. He hadn't done that in years. He thought for a second before responding. 

"I have my old driver's number. I could get him to pick me up from school and drop me over for the weekend I guess"

He thought of the small piece of paper with the numbers on it that James had given him. He should call it.

"no I mean- you should come with me the whole holidays." 

The whole holidays? as in the whole two weeks?  or maybe three weeks-? he wasn't exactly sure how long the holidays were in this school. Either way, he could feel his face grow warm and excitement burst beneath his skin for a reason he couldn't quite place. 

"...are you sure-?"

"yes."

"my dad will be happy to see you too. please come. I don't wanna be alone again" 

He thought that Peleus probably would want him to come- Peleus always seemed to like him, or maybe that was how he acted with everyone. Insecurity pricked at him.

"But your mum will say no-" 

The thought of Thetis, tall and gaunt, terrifyingly protective of her son made him uncomfortable. She was far too harsh and dismissive for his liking. She was always disappointed that Achilles liked him. 

"It's not her house I'm staying at"

"I'll think about it, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"we should go down for dinner now." 

"'probably"

He had hesitantly agreed to meet Briseis in the gardens after dinner. 

He was sat on a bench by a few clusters of flower bushes watching the landscape in front of him. The grass was a muted green colour, soggy and water-logged. The flowers were losing almost all colours and blooms now, turning into bleak twiggy messes. The trees had dropped their leaves now. It was ugly, to say the least. Maybe not ugly, it could be beautiful in a poetic sense but unfortunately for him he did not poetically view the world and thought it was an incredibly dreary ugly sight.

He turned around when he heard a few almost silent footsteps behind them, the only giveaway was the faint squelch of the soaked soil beneath their feet. There Briseis stood. She looked nice he thought, her hair pulled up in a pretty style, her makeup slightly more exaggerated than it usually was. 

He smiled awkwardly for her and shifted on the bench. 

She sat next to him and just looked at him lips parted and eyes slightly wide, was she angry at him?

"I'm sorry for ignoring you"

She looked a little taken aback by that 

"I- there's been a lot going on right now and I've been trying to figure so many things out and-"

He took a deep breath, shame was engulfing him as time went on.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing half the time. While trying to fix things with Achilles, I shut you out which was rude and I'm sorry. I should have paid attention to you" 

"Achilles?"

Her face had grown unreadable.

"yeah he's been going through something right now, I've been meeting with his dad and this guy called Chiron and he just really needs me you know? He doesn't really trust a lot of other people and I've been thinking about him all the time, and i-" 

"god I don't want to talk about your boyfriend, seriously do you not talk about anyone else?"

He blinked stupidly as she glared at him. Boyfriend? Was this one of her witty jokes? it must be because Achilles was not his boyfriend. But why was she glaring? He laughed awkwardly and shrugged

"uhm yeah I guess I talk about him a lot..? we're just good friends." 

She just glared at him 

"stop talking" Her voice was quick and brittle.

"What?" He asked with a strange smile before he was cut off. 

She was kissing him. Her lips were soft and forceful, He could smell her perfume and he just sat there dumbly, her arms were around his neck and she had shifted forward almost on his lap. She tasted like fruit. It was awkward and uncomfortable as it was only really her kissing.  He couldn't move. This didn't make sense. Why was she doing this,? She had pulled away from his mouth when she realized he wouldn't kiss back and had instead latched onto his jaw. Panic rose inside him.

It didn't feel good, she was rough and fast. He didn't know what to do. 

Achilles. This was not like Achilles kiss. This wasn't- oh god. Achilles. What would he say-? He shouldn't be kissing other people, Achilles wouldn't like it, this is wrong.

He sat there maybe three minutes before he snapped out of his daze and pushed her away as gently as possible.

He stumbled back falling onto the wet grass, feeling the water soak through his clothes. She stared at him eyes wide and lips red and kiss swollen. 

"I- wait- don't go" She began voice desperate and dry. 

He stumbled away and turned on one leg to sprint back to the dorms.

Chapter Text

Hey guys :P

this isn’t a new chapter but i’ve been thinking back on the last one and wanted to know you guys’s thoughts!

So basically theres two options for the story 

OPTION ONE

-Dei get's pregnant as a teen

-Part two will pretty much just be fluff and domestic things (Pyrrhus will be a prominent character)

-part two will be a lot shorter ending, maybe just 1-10 thousand words

-there will be less angst for the boys :p

OPTION TWO

-Dei gets pregnant as a young adult

-there will be three parts

-angsty ending for part one and angsty start for part two

-will be longer (at least 15000-20000 words minimum)

-Pyrrhus will become prominent later on in the story- at least to Pat

PART ONE- childhood/teenage years

PART TWO-young adult -early/mid-thirties

PART THREE (only available with option two)- Thirties and up!

Ultimately it's up to you guys which general path you want the story to take so let me know your opinions and preferences.

Chapter Text

Friday 6th November 2023

Patroclus did not want to go to class today. 

Last night had complicated everything by tenfold. Seriously, what was going on and why did it have to be happening to him?

Being made out with rather eagerly when he himself was not eager wasn't exactly his favourite experience. Not when it was by a girl he considered one of his closest friends. He wasn't exactly upset she had done that, more just completely and utterly horrified and confused. 

For starters, the first question on his mind was 'Does she have a crush on me or is she losing her mind?' and honestly,? The second option seemed more truthful than the first. She had never flirted with him or shown any signs of that type of interest- at least he didn't think she had? He wasn't sure. They mostly joked around and studied together. ...And ate outside in the gardens. None of that seemed remotely romantic to him. He didn't know what this meant. Did she do it because she thought it was funny? Well, it didn't seem like her to do something so... strange as a joke but maybe that's what this was, a strange and bad idea of a joke. He'd be happier if it turned out she was making a weird fucked-up joke than actually crushing on him.

I mean, there had been times when he thought about dating her, or any girl really, in the dead silence of the night when Achilles was draped over him.

He had thought of kissing her and ...well. She wasn't unattractive, toned and lithe with a pretty face. Any other guy would be happy. However, he wasn't happy. not like this anyway. He couldn't imagine dating a woman when he was older (or now). Well, technically he could envision it. They would have a cosy house, lined with art and bookshelves, plants and random decorations cropping up at every corner. They would have a small toddler running around, his kid would look like their mother but have his colouring. He had thought of it and it seemed lovely, it really did just.... nothing about it satisfied him that much. He wouldn't be a good husband to them, he wouldn't love them the way he knows he could love someone else. He wasn't built for that, and maybe he should have told Briseis a long time ago instead of accidentally leading her on.

He felt awful that he led her on somehow. It was so unlike him. Maybe he had really been too focused on Achilles lately. He should have paid more attention to Briseis, maybe then he would have realized she liked him. 

Then another unwelcome thought popped into his head. 'Why had he thought of Achilles when she was kissing him?'

He didn't know, but at that moment all he could think about was Achilles, how he felt and tasted, how he wouldn't like Patroclus kissing Briseis. How it wasn't right.

What does that even mean? Was he so close with Achilles he cared what he thought about who he was making out with? He hadn't before. Though he also wasn't kissing anyone else before. It wasn't exactly a surprise when he thought of Achilles when she was kissing him, in truth- most of his thoughts were of Achilles but still, something about this time felt different to the rest, and he didn't exactly know why,

He stored that thought in the back of his mind. He'd just have to tell Chiron- he was supposed to know this stuff. He should know this stuff.

When he had told Achilles what happened after sprinting back to their room Achilles had laughed, 'good joke' he said as he got up and pulled Patroclus down onto the bed, leaning his head on Patroclus' lap. He had sat there dumbfounded looking down at the blonde uttering three words I'm not joking' 

Achilles had frowned and sat up, squinting at his lips and neck before letting out an indignant noise of what he assumed was anger.

They had grabbed his face by his jaw a little roughly and he didn't say anything, he not only let them but tilted his head so they could see better. They began an annoyed tangent when he realized Briseis had marked Patroclus' jaw ever so slightly.  He calmed down at this. He didn't mind them angrily fussing over him or interrogating him. He didn't see why they were so upset but he didn't mind either. He just liked them touching him. The rest of the night was essentially Achilles ranting on about how awful Briseis was anyway and how she was disgusting for doing that- Patroclus had defended her saying he didn't think she was doing anything wrong, Maybe she was just misled. Achilles had told him to shut up as he continued to fawn over Patroclus. He spent the night rather annoyedly curled around Patroclus, face pressed into his neck. he didn't mind.

he liked it, he liked Achilles fussing over him and clinging on. He especially liked it when they pressed their own rather chaste, gentle kiss over his ever so slightly bruised jaw.

This treatment seemed to bleed into this morning too. Achilles had decided today had to be the day he would be going to class which meant he was up perfectly early and spent the majority of that time agitatedly fussing over Patroclus. Again he held no reservations and let them do as they pleased. He enjoyed them doing small things like tying his shoelaces and buttoning up his school shirt and enjoyed them wetting and brushing his hair in an attempt to de-frizz it. He liked it when they rambled on about buying him hair products he could leave in his hair so it would stay moisturized or whatever. He didn't care all too much about the hair products he just liked the idea of them going shopping and thinking of him. He also didn't complain when they kissed his temple gently before pulling him to the cafeteria. Maybe he should kiss other people more often if this was the treatment he'd receive. 

Down in the cafeteria, he was sat next to Achilles on a table full of other students who all clamoured after Achilles. Each one asked him where he was and if he was okay and if he needed anything. A fleeting moment of panic passed as he turned to Achilles making sure they weren't freaked out by all the questions, but Achilles, smooth as ever, only brushed them off saying he was ill with a bad cold. People sympathetically nodded and reached out to pat his back or arm in understanding. He could tell Achilles didn't like that too much but he didn't say anything. 

Breakfast put him in a good mood. it was nice to see Achilles doing so well around other people again. 

When breakfast was over his good mood almost made him forget about Briseis. Unfortunately, it didn't though. So when Ajax called to him after standing from the table to walk to class he hesitated. Achilles glanced at him momentarily hand slyly squeezing his lower thing in what he assumed was encouragement. it didn't matter though- for some reason that just made his stomach jolt again and his face heat up. Achilles raised an eyebrow and the dark crimson of his ears and neck but didn't say anything. He quickly got up, scraping his chair against the floor noisily as he rushed to Ajax. 

Ajax beamed at him and seemed to notice something was up. 

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"what do you mean?"

"You just seem... fidgety, did something happen between you and Achilles?" 

"no uhm-"
"you know my friend?" Bri?"

He frowned in concentration and then nodded "Yes I know her, a bit odd very quiet. she doesn't like me"

"how do you know she doesn't like you?"

"she told me on her first day when I tried to talk to her" 

He found himself laughing at that and Ajax gave a bashful smile.

"She doesn't like anyone who's friends with Achilles"

"she likes me"

"did she say that?" Ajax teased with a playfully doubtful smile

"Well no but she did try to kiss me last night and accidentally give me what I think is a hickey?"

Ajax looked absolutely baffled by this. 

".....what? what- how I thought- you're dating her?"

He frowned

"No. she just kind of started kissing me"

"then what happened?"

"I ran away. I didn't like it."

"Oh. I thought that hickey was from a-" 

"what?"

"....Nothing I just wasn't expecting that to be honest. How is Achilles dealing with this?"

"well he wasn't ever very fond of her anyway and now- he definitely doesn't like her."

"i thought so. I think maybe the best thing to do is make sure she doesn't run into him...he's kind of a bitch sometimes." 

Patroclus smiled at that a little stupidly, Achilles may be bitchy and short with most people but that wouldn't stop him from being helplessly charmed by their every word and move.  

"He's perfect"

"You two are so grossly obsessed with each other," Ajax teased.

"We're just best friends," Patroclus protested, feeling his cheeks flush.

Ajax wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and Patroclus flipped him off playfully as they entered the classroom.

Later on at lunch after Ajax had joined the table in the cafeteria Patroclus had headed to the gardens, sitting against the stone wall of the school. He watched idly as Helen and Menelaus traipsed across the grasses boredly, Helen wore a look of disinterest while Menelaus was watching her reproachfully. He wondered when everything would come out about Paris that was if it came out. Probably not for a while. They weren't that stupid. 

Achilles joined him not too long after, food shoved in his bag which he set up beside them, quickly dropping his head in Patroclus' lap. 

"Sorry I took too long I was talking with some people"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. Odysseus was talking to me- he's doing his last year here this year, we're friends I think. Anyway, he was asking if I'm gonna come back to the school sports team."

"Mhm?"

"I said yes. I wanna go back just in a few months maybe. He said he'd ask again in January if I had the time. Anyway not just that, do you remember the man called Pheonix who used to teach me?" 

"kind of"

"yeah well my fathers decided that Pheonix is gonna help me with all my sports events and photoshoots and whatnot, my manager I guess. well, after my mother anyway. My second manager."

"you like Phoenix don't you?"

He smoothed their hair down with gentle fingers while his other hand held a sandwich. Achilles eyes closed and his lips parted at the touch.

"Mhm. He's nice. I'm glad I get to see him again."

He hummed in response, lifting a strawberry to their face, they leant up ever so slightly and instead of taking it from him they took it carefully between their teeth, careful not to touch his fingers. They were eating from his hands, like a ..horse? In a very pretty way of course. But he was still confused. They rested their head back in his lap when they were done, and his fingers resumed the gentle petting of their hair. Their head was turned to the side, watching something in front of them, a smug look on his face. He was confused by this and looked up. A very alone, harassed-looking Briseis was staring, mouth open, brows furrowed. She locked eyes with Patroclus, took a step forward, a step back and then power walked away as fast as possible. 

He frowned at Achilles. That was a little mean. His hand paused at their temple and he looked down at the boy with disapproval. They only looked at him innocently as if they had no idea what they were doing, tilting their head to kiss his fingertips gently, he swatted them away and they laughed.

Achilles seemed to be on a roll. 

That evening throughout the hallways his friends had all turned to look at a very confused embarrassed Briseis, they all glanced at each other knowingly and fell oddly quiet. Briseis had flushed a deep red and taken a deep breath, it seemed the whole hallway had gone quiet when Achilles and his friends did. 

She had apparently looked at them and asked a steady, "What?" Her face was defiant and she narrowed her eyes in an attempt to seem unbothered by the staring of everyone and confused whispering. Achilles had laughed loudly and so had everyone else.

"does it feel good to have no friends?" Deidamia, who was standing by Achilles had asked in a mocking voice causing people to laugh nervously while others grinned. 

"hm?"

Briseis looked like she wanted to cry, her eyes watering yet she didn't. She stared back at them trying to keep eye contact. 

"I don't know what you mean" 

"want me to remind you then sweetheart?" Deidamia asked in a silky voice, glancing at Achilles who beamed at her in amusmant

"you were shoving your tongue down someone who doesn't like you's throat, and he rejected you. Isn't that embarrassing?"

Achilles laughed loudly at that and at that everyone else did too, no one seemed to want to be out of Achilles' little joke. 

"That's not what happened" Briseis said calmly though her telltale signs of humiliation were showing,

"it's not,? wake up, you're too poor to have friends, too ugly for a boyfriend, and have a personality that lacks just about everything that makes someone interesting, did you think he liked you? really?" Achilles taunted, voice sharp as a whip and gaze cold.

Bystanders snickered at this and began to whisper and conspire about who they thought she was trying to kiss. Briseis seemed to break at Achilles' words. Maybe it was the fact he threw her money situation in her face, or the fact that maybe she thought she really was ugly (she wasn't), maybe it was the fact that she knew Patroclus would continue to let Achilles win again and again. 

She took off down the hall ignoring the jeers and calls after her. 

Patroclus was not there to see this. Ajax told him. 

When Achilles got back to the room he yelled at them for half an hour about how he was awful to punish her for simply having an innocent crush like that. Achilles had faltered almost confusedly. 

"but you didn't want her to do that to you."

"what- well yes I didn't but you completely humiliated her!" He said exasperated. 

"If you knew which girl had raped me you would have done the same." 

Patroclus faltered.

"that's not the same"

"but you didn't want her to kiss you or give you a hickey" Achilles pointed out still sounding confused and hurt from being screamed at

"she forced herself on you, that's assault."

Patroclus sighed and shook his head.

"yes doing stuff like that without consent is assault but Achilles- she didn't do it to force me or hurt me, i think she was just nervous and panicked. I don't think she meant it" 

Achilles bottom lip quivered.

"So you- you don't feel like she was taking advantage of you?"

"...no I get that you think you were protecting me, but she didn't violate me or anything." 

"i thought you felt like she did"

"No.."

This hung in the silent air for a minute

"Are you mad at me?"

He stared before sighing,

"no."

"come here."

He held them for a long time after that, was this why Achilles was being so mean to her,? he thought she was hurting Patroclus? what a mess. He knew Achilles meant well but he had a feeling his cruelty wasn't just a result of his thinking Patroclus was hurt. He couldn't stop Achilles from being mean but public humiliation was a bit far, to say the least. Not to mention he told everyone what happened. He breathed in their scent

It's just Achilles. It's fine. They are going through something. They thought Briseis was hurting him. He's jealous. He missed him. He's childish. He just wanted to help. He was jealous. 

He slipped his hands under their shirt and pressed them against their golden back. It's fine. This is fine. It's alright.

Chapter Text

Saturday 7th November 2023

It was storming today, bitter winds battering the old windows, the glass panes rattling in their frames. Rain and sleet beat down on the slate, a distant rhythmical thumping. He let out a groan at the racket they were causing- At least the balcony doors weren’t open this morning.

There was a soft warmth pressing into his side and an annoying mass of blonde wavy hair stuck to his face, he sat up and pushed the hair and warmth off of him- an annoyed whine filled the air and he looked down, Achilles stared back up at him, huffing before shutting their eyes again. Their face was soft and peaceful with the hazy remnants of sleep. His eyelashes were blonde against his golden skin, his lips a delicate pink-just slightly red from the cold weather. His skin had grown a shade paler from the lack of sun and his hair just a bit darker.

He reached out and ran his finger along their jaw- their skin was still smooth and soft beneath his fingertips unlike his own.

He had an annoying amount of stubble most mornings which he had to shave off, he would look stupid with a beard so young; he thought he would anyway. He wondered for a moment if Achilles would like him with a beard. Maybe- maybe when they were older he would, he’d have to ask them. Would Achilles grow a beard,? Maybe- their father had a beard if he didn't shave, wiry and dirty blonde, dull against his olive skin. 

He retracted his hand from their face and brushed their hair idly with his fingers. He hoped they never dyed their hair.

They were so beautiful.

They were so intriguing.

To him, there was always something new to discover about them. There was always a different aspect of their face, their figure, that stole his breath away.

He bumped his nose into their cheek as he placed a soft kiss. 

They smiled.

He sighed and got up, his back cracking as he stretched, his body felt heavy and sluggish with the weight of yesterday- his head throbbing with exhaustion. He padded over to his desk to take a drink of water from a bottle left there the previous week. The water was warm and tasteless, washing out the sour taste of the morning from his mouth. He muttered a quick goodbye to Achilles before exiting the room. He headed to the bathrooms to get ready for the day- rinsing his face off and brushing his teeth. The sluggish, dirty feeling he had previously been coated in had dissipated. 

Now that he was more awake more pressing matters rose to the surface- Briseis. Gods, what was he going to do about her now? It had been one thing when they met in the gardens, another when she was publically humiliated. Would he start by asking a very reasonable ‘What the fuck was that?!’ Or a ‘Sorry he publically humiliated you he’s just kind of like that but trust he’s actually really nice and I'm sorry he embarrassed you in front of everyone and told them what you did. Also, I'm sorry his girlfriend (? girlfriend)  joined in she's not a bad person sometimes too’.

He got dressed and headed to breakfast, pushing the matter to the back of his mind- he would think of this later when he wasn’t groggy and tired. 

A few hours had passed now and Patroclus had talked with Ajax. 

Ajax sweet as he was suggested going to her dorm and trying to talk things through with her, apologising maybe before classes started again. 

He agreed that would probably be for the best. He hated that he had practically abandoned her since Halloween. 

So now he stood by her dorm door, anxious and a little ashamed as he raised his hand to knock hesitantly. 

Once

no response.

Twice

no response.

Thrice

The door swung open.

His eyes met a very disheveled Briseis who opened the door with a scowl.

Her skin had begun to pale with the lack of sun in the winter season just like Achilles' skin had though hers was taking on a slightly more grey tone than the blonde's. The whites of her eyes were pink the way they were when she hadn't slept in a while. Her lips were chapped by the cold air and her hair was frizzy from the humidity.

She was still very beautiful despite all of this. That didn't change the fact he was incapable of liking her romantically. Regret bloomed in his stomach. None of this would have happened if he had liked her back.

An awkward moment of silence filled the air as he stared at her.

She stared at him back for a minute before moving to slam the door shut, he quickly shoved his foot between the door and the door frame to wedge it open, letting out a hiss when she tried to shut the door anyway. 

"Bri- wait-" he began but she only pulled the door back to slam it back into his foot

"Go away" she scowled

"No seriously wait-"

"Go away you're so annoying" she muttered, attempting to slam the door again

"How am I the annoying one?" he snarled and she only responded by telling him to shut up.

Between the fierce slams of the door into his foot at some point, he had wedged his shoulder and upper body into the dorm as well until he forced his way in. At that, she began to throw things at him, stuffed animals, books, pillows, clothes, perfume bottles, anything she could reach. 

This little routine of chasing each other around the tiny room and throwing stuff at each other eventually led to patroclus locking them both in the balcony, blocking the door defensively.

At that Briseis backed up against the rails with a defeated huff.

"How have you been?" He asked his voice sickeningly soft.

She scowled.

"Sorry, do you like me-" he asked nervously before he was cut off

"Why did you tell him." She looks like she wants to cry, her lip is wobbling and she can't make eye contact, the sudden change in attitude was jarring.

"I didn't know he would do that" he exclaimed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"It was meant to be a secret I didn't want him to know-" she started 

"he didn't mean to hurt you, he's just-"

"Just what?" She snapped, annoyed at being talked over

"he's just protective, he didn't understand he thought you were trying to hurt me, which hurts him- he thought you were trying to harm me-" 

She scowled at that confession.

"Oh shut the fuck up."

"excuse me?"

"all I ever hear about is how you're both so perfect for each other and protective of each other! It's so gross! And guess what? I don't care if you two can't exist without each other! I don't care if he thought he was protecting you that was rude and inconsiderate and-" 

"shit, I know okay?" He sounded tired and regretful now.

"then why are you still friends with him!?"

"you don't understand, he needs me, I need him I can't- I can't not be friends with him over something stupid like this, no matter what happens no matter how hard I try stay away or distance myself or insist I hate him we end up together again and again and again-! what don't you get?"

"please, please, please- shut up. I beg you- stop talking and apologizing for him, he's an asshole"

"so are you!"

"nu uh"

"yu huh?!"

"I don't torture people?"

"torture?" He questioned with an exasperated sigh

"Yes torture, he's an arrogant bully. I thought you of all people would know a bully when they saw one. Besides you only like him because-"

"Because what?"

"Because he's some dumb blonde who throws himself at you every chance he gets-!"

"That's not true! he doesn't- he's just a clingy person okay?"

"you're both awful, go fuck each other if you care about him so much, I don't care!  I don't like you or him or your little friends, I don't think he's funny or smart and neither are you and-"

"oh spare me"

Her lips pressed into a thin, stern line.

"you're just upset because I like him more then I like you" 

"get the fuck out of my balcony" she commanded, her voice tired and irritable

"No"

"i'm telling you-"

"i'm telling you no!" he exclaimed, he wasn't done here.

"please leave," she said in a defeated voice. 

"please?"

He huffed and tore the balcony door open, storming out.

Patroclus was in a rather shitty mood now. that was not how things were meant to go. they fought and argued like children and now he had to sit silently, in an empty library, seething as he attempted to study and get on with his day. 

She was so irritatiing sometimes, he didnt get why she had to go on about achille so much. and why she acted like he and achilles were dating, so what if he was cose with achilles? he liked achilles a lot. it felt so nice to have him, to hold him to touch him. they were so lovely and perfect and amazing. she didnt get it because she didnt know how amazing his achilles was.

As his thoughts shifted to achilles rather quickly (as they usually did) he couldnt help but miss them. he wanted to see them, burry his face into them and let them envelop him whole. he wanted to drown in them, he die a happy man if he could. It would be so nice to just join them, he didnt care how but unitinghimself with them, keeping them to himself would be amazing. he would get to be their number-one friend forever. they wouldnt be able to replace him. Sometimes he felt like it would only be a matter of time before Achilles found someone new and replaced him. Even if they did end up replacing him he would still have his memories of them. oh his memories. as His thoughts slowly turned ot memories he began to miss summer with achilles. he wanted to go home to his mother, wanted to sit at the beach with her and skip rocks. he wanted her to comb his hair with gentle fingers and tallk of faries and myths again. he wanted to hear her talk about the ghosts and creatures that stalked the arth. he wanted to see hi smother agiain, wanted to play with achilles the way they did as a boys. wanted to wrestle achilles into those same sands and yell at eachother the way they did when they were young. He missed his home. 

He wanted Achilles. 

A soft warmth fluttered in his stomach as he thought about them. he missed them so much. he missed them and wanted to just be around them but he knew they needed their own space. 

He debated in his head if he should see Achilles or not. 

He decided not to.

He decided going on a long walk around the school would be better.

The sky was darkining into a soft blue, and the air was growing colder as the night went on.

Patroclus was now bursting through his dorm door, still considerably upset and angry about the whole day but slightly more relax and calm now. 

Achilles looked up at him from his bed and motioned for them to join him. He didnt hesitate and crawled between their legs parting their thighs gently with two hands so he could lie down between them. Achilles watched with quiet curiosity, settling when he realised what they were doing. 

He lay between their legs, head on their chest, arms around their waist. Achilles legs wrapped around his waist in turn, heels of their feet pressed into the small of the brunettes back. Their fingers had reached up to tangle themselves in his hair. He felt the tension in his body easing at their soft, tender touch. 

"how was your day?" 

He asked since he was slightly curious but he couldnt exactly focus properly. Their scent and warmth and familiarity was so soothing to him, he found his eyelids growing heavy as he lay there wrapped up in them. He managed to catch onto a few stray words about not doing anything all day. 

He felt a laugh bubble up and force its way from his mouth. 

"you sat in all day?"

"yes."

"why, avoiding everyone and their questions?" He teased with a stupidly charmed smile, normally he would think someone cowardly for doing so but with Achilles it was different.

"mhm"

"your stupid sometimes" he mumbled into their chest

"whatever. so are you"

“uh huh.. sure"

"you should of stayed in with me. I missed you" their admission came out soft and hesitant.

"I wanted to I was just trying to give you space thats all-" he began, feeling a little guilty for leaving them all day.

"dont give me space, smother me- suffocate me with your presence" they joked as if trying to ease their guilt.

"im gonna make you regret saying that" 

"I doubt you could. incase you haven’t noticed I like you" They swallowed and hesitated before continuing 

"a lot"

He looked up at them with tired eyes. This was different to how they usually talked. It felt secret- like a confession.

"I like you to. You’re one of my only real friends" he mumbled.

a strange expression flickered on their face 

"friends?" 

"mhm" 

They rolled their eyes

"how was your day then?" They mumbled, sounding slightly more dejected than usual.

"bad"

"I missed you. I argued with bri"

"what?"

"yeah. she was really upset I told you what happened" 

he decided not to tell him what else briseis had said. 

"She threw things at me" he complained, laying his head back down on their chest. 

"aw, poor baby" they mocked, tugging gently on his hair,

He frowned "shut up"

he paused.

"chilles?" 

He asked abruptly.

"yeah,?"

"I was thinking about when we were younger, during the summer. "

"were you now?" 

"yes"

"I miss it"

"I don’t"

"..what?" His stomach twisted embarrassedly

"your dad was strange sometimes"

He rolled his eyes.
"not that part. I meant I missed spending summer with you."

"I'll take you somewhere nice then this summer. Nicer then our old summers, five star hotel, lobster for every meal, only silk pyjamas and designer clothes-"

He laughed and told them to shut up. 

Achilles laughed too.

"I’m serious. I would if you asked me to. I’d do a lot of things if you asked me to."

He nodded quietly, "I don’t need all of that. I just meant I missed going out together like we did as kids, fighting on the beach and cycling, playing by the sea and climbing tress and what not,"

They nodded quietly now, 

"okay. come home with me in the summer then"

"I can’t do that, im already going to yours for winter.."

"you decided your going?" they seemed to perk up at that

"yes"

they beamed at them, such a pretty smile.

"Good, I really want to see you but that doesn't mean you cant also come in the summer-"

He was cut off as the door slammed open abruptly. 

He turned his head slightly to see what the fuss was and spotted a very out of breath Briseis.

Her eyes burnt holes into the floor as she stood there very tensely and determindley not looking at him

"Pat. im really sorry for what i said about Achilles. I do like you, your an amazing friend- you are funny and smart. I just-. I know you have history with Achilles and that you two are close and that its all... platonic. I’m sorry for suggesting it wasnt and mocking you two. You’re allowed other friends I just wanted- I don't know. It really hurt my feelings you told him what happened. As much as you seem to adore him I really cant stand him and I overreacted when you came to see me today. Sorry for trying to run away. I’m really sorry. I don’t- I don’t like many of the people here apart from some of the girls and i don’t want to lose you as a friend. You really mean a lot to me and im really, really sorry." Her lip was wobbling. She hadnt seemed to notice Achilles. 

Not until he let out a sharp laugh. 

Her head snapped up as she took in their position. Her cheeks grew red for a moment

"am I interrupting..-" she started looking very caught of guard and unsettled.

"no! uhm-"

Patroclus quickly sat up looking at Briseis with wide eyes. 

"Uhm so- hey!" 

"thanks for apologising but it really isn’t your fault- its mine and im sorry for today too but also-"
He shot a glare at achilles trying to silently tell him to shut up and stop laughing (he failed miserably, Achilles kept laughing)

"we need to talk about the gardens..?" he asked and she nodded looking bashful.

He got up now, climbing out of the bed.

He attempted to usher her out gently, mumbling quietly about finding somewhere private when Achilles, the actual moron decided it would be great to exclaim ‘Careful she doesnt try fuck you again the second your alone’

Briseis raised her eyebrows with a small frown once the statement had sunk in.

"don’t you know better to talk about other peoples affairs? especially when your fucking 18 year olds" she snarled

The room fell silent.

"what?" Patroclus asked, a little confused.

She scoffed

"whats wrong, didnt know? he fucked an older girl- a last year at the party. Apparently he fucks her a lot."

He turned to look at Achilles who was now still on the bed staring at her. 

He didnt look angry or upset just... shocked. His lips were parted and his eyes wide, his face flushing a gentle pink. He didnt look as though he was breathing or blinking or anything really. It was as though time had stopped and Achilles had stopped with it. 

Patroclus turned back to her, trying hard not to start yelling. She looked almost smug and proud that she had wounded achilles, her smirk only faltering when she spotted Patroclus stony expression.

"get out." 

"what? i thought we were going to talk-"

"get the fuck out"

He began shoving her out the room despite her protests, slamming the door on her face.

Chapter Text

Patroclus didn't think he had gone through something so rough. 

Not only was Achilles upset about the situation, but now other people knew too. And Achilles looked so scared, he looked so frightened by the idea that it had gotten out that he had to sit in silence for a few minutes before being able to do anything.

He started off slowly, unsure what they wanted. He sat by them on the bed mumbling a quick, guilty apology. They didn't say anything for about ten minutes, seeming to just sit there in horror and shock. It made his heart ache uncomfortably to see them in such a state. Eventually, after what seemed forever, they spoke up

"How many people do you think know?" 

He stared at them with a frown 
"I don't know"

"Do you think Briseis knows who the girl is?"

"I don't know, maybe"

"Do you think people believe her?"

"...I don't know" 

Achilles laughed wetly, rubbing at his eyes

"You don't fucking know anyhing, your useless" 

He didn't think this was very fair but he could see their lip was wobbling and the way they stared at the ground. 

"I know." 

They looked over at him at that, sniffing quietly.  

"Want to go take a bath? It might help calm you down a little bit"

He thought it was a stupid observation but it was also true, Achilles was calmer after a bath, and honestly, they looked like they could use calming down right now. They didn't speak for a few minutes but when they did he almost choked to death on hair, making a fool out of himself by spluttering and coughing like a fool. All they said were two simple words and he was suddenly a mess.

"What, together?" 

He caught them smiling ever so slightly when he finally finished coughing and choking on the air. Fuck them for joking at a time like this. Though he wasn't really annoyed, he knew they were just coping. 

"No not together" He huffed "God there's something wrong with you" 

Achilles pouted at that and shuffled closer, dropping their head onto his shoulder

"Not fair, you've washed my hair for me once, I'd be returning the favour"

Patroclus rolled his eyes yet wrapped a careful arm around their waist "No, you need to be taken care of right now, not me" 

"I hate when people pity me. I only let you do it because it's you" they mumbled irritably 

"Very sweet, now bath or not?" 

"No. I wanna cry and lie in bed while you lie next to me an occasionally try reassure me" They said a little bitterly 

"Alright then.  Get changed, come to bed and  you can cry on me or whatever" 

Chapter Text

The beginning.

In september 2008 a baby girl was born to a nobleman of lyrnessus. His name was Briseus and in the excitement of receiving his only daughter (out of five children)  he named her Briseis meaning daughter of Briseus. 

11

On Briseis' first day of Secondary school when she was still young, 11 to be exact, she was excited. 

Her mother and brothers had worked hard to get her into a prestigious school, especially after the year's harvest failed so miserably. 'Blessed is our land' her father used to tell her after each successful harvest.

She didn't think the lands were very blessed, so far the 'blessed lands' were making it difficult to afford most things. She thought maybe the 'blessings' of their land died with her father, the soil turning bitter and infertile as it mourned him. She always hoped she would be able to turn the farm back around and bring back nobility and wealth to her family. Looking back she felt stupid and naive for thinking she could do that. She was not her brothers or her father- not even close, she lacked their kindness and smarts. She knew that now. But back when she was young and entering what seemed to be the best school on the planet she thought that maybe, just maybe she would be like her father. Maybe better.

As she progressed through her first day There was a small sense of guilt, she felt bad for going to such an expensive school when she knew her weary mother and brothers couldn't afford it. But this wouldn't stop her from enjoying it while she had it. There was nothing to fall back on now, she was all alone in a brand new school and ready to have fun with it. It was all or nothing. 

This being said she didn't waste any time in rushing to meet her dormmate, who turned out to be a pretty girl named Chryseis. Chryseis didn't seem to like talking that much, she seemed skittish around Briseis but that didn't matter. Briseis chalked it up to first-day nerves and carried on with her insistent rambling. Only now when she was older did she realize how overwhelmingly annoying she must have been to Chryseis. She remembered how she could not seem to stop talking about herself and how excited she was- it was awful to look back on.

However, a friendship did eventually bloom between her and Chryseis- just maybe not for the first half of the year. Briseis struggled to convince most people to stay, including Chryseis.

She remembered her second day of school crystal clear too; On her second day of school, she met her class.

She had been so excited to meet the other students, to hang out with them, and explore the school and whatnot. She remembered the joy and nervousness that bubbled within her as she headed to her first class; Her first class was an orientation class where she would meet her classmates for the year.

She arrived early to her first class, taking a seat by the window, a grin on her face when her peers filed into the room. Her smile faded when no one seemed to want to sit next to her, instead all spacing out at different desks.

She chalked it up to first-day nerves. They would come around, they were just shy.

However, she soon realized a few students who definitely weren’t shy. Three people in particular. When she thinks back on the memory she finds it almost funny, she didn't like them then and she doesn't like them now. 

Number one- A blonde boy with lighter skin and green eyes. She heard he was the owner's son or something. Achilles Pelides.

She wasn't opposed to him because of his father or jealousy of his looks- no, she was opposed to him because he seemed too... arrogant. In their first lesson, he was loud and smug, especially when people started to come up to him and try to talk to him during one of the icebreakers- people seemed to flock to him. He didn't have to try, unlike Briseis. Maybe it was jealousy that made her opposed to him at first but as time went on she hated him more and more based on how he treated most people. He was rude and selfish.

Number two- A boy named Agamemnon. He sat next to her- not by choice though, there just weren’t many seats left.

When he caught her staring at Achilles he teased her for it, he got the completely wrong idea. He told her how he knew Achilles and how they were friends. When she got bored of his rambling she asked how old he was- he looked older. As it turned out he was held back a year as he failed his classes due to never studying. She laughed when he told her and he had never liked her since. On occasion, he would try to flirt with her, mainly as a joke. That was her second reason for hating him, he was always trying to humiliate or embarrass her.

Number three- A girl named Deidamia. There wasn't much reason for his dislike other than the fact that during an icebreaker Deidamia told her she could use some chapstick. Rude. ...And the fact that Deidamia only seemed interested in the people around them. 

Unlike their usual lessons which lasted an hour their first lesson lasted three with a few small breaks in between. After that, they were sent off to their next class which just so happened to be language. Their task was to get into a group of four and write a short story about a common interest among the members of their group. 

Briseis had started off hopeful that someone would come to her table and ask to be in a group with her but she was never asked. Instead, her and one other person were left standing alone. Humiliation and upset burned within her when the teacher told a group to take Briseis in and they all started giggling while one complained loudly. That one person was Achilles Pelides. The tips of her ears burned red as she shuffled towards his group awkwardly, her body suddenly stiff and rigid. 

After the class ended she ran to the bathroom and burst into tears. She couldn't understand why no one wanted to be around her, she hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't fair that everyone's families seemed to know each other- it wasn't fair everyone seemed to already have friends. 

That day she ate her lunch alone, curled up in the bathroom stall, trying to avoid everyone. She was tensing up every time someone entered the bathroom. She tried to stifle her sniffles or the rustle of the snacks she had brought in her bag for her first day. She thought she would be able to share the snacks and sweets her mother had made her with her new friends.

Most days went on like that. Awkwardly sitting by herself as shame scorched her whenever someone looked over at her. 

She never really made a group of friends. 

And most friends she did make only considered her as a backup friend, not a friend friend. Maybe it was her background that made them wary of her. Maybe it was the way she looked. She had no idea really. 

13

Over the last two years, Briseis had changed..

Many nights In the quiet solitude of her dorm room, Briseis wrestled with the conflicting thoughts that tugged at her conscience. The familiar ache of loneliness lingered, echoing the years spent yearning for validation from those who would never truly understand her.

It tortured her over and over again, it was embarrassing how hard she had to fit in so she decided she would just stop trying. All the years she had spent bending over backwards for everyone resulted in It taking a while for her to grow used to her new mindset but it had helped her in the end. She stopped doing anything and everything they asked her to do, she stopped trying to please people who clearly couldn't be pleased and she focused instead on what was important- grades.

She started attending study groups and academic clubs almost every day, her pursuit of improvement and to be above everyone else burned strong within her. The majority of her time was spent revising and studying so she could be better- this is what helped get her mind of her peers and their thoughts. She knew she could be better, better than everyone in this school if she really tried which is why she even bothered trying. After months of effort, she successfully got herself into the highest-scoring students, her teachers seemed to adore her and people were slightly kinder to her now, most likely they were just eager for homework answers but she didn't really care about their intentions anymore. 

Her new grades gave her a new opportunity too- she could sell homework answers and cheat sheets.

When someone couldn't do their homework or needed help cheating for a test she would help them. They would run to her for help and she would happily charge them sums of money for her help and knowledge. 

After some time she saved up to buy her first-ever phone and on it, she texted her mother and the few friends she had made through her clubs and study groups. The majority of her money was sent back to her mother; She had lied to her mother and explained she had gotten a part-time job in the school library and that was where she was getting all this money from. 

Her mother was overjoyed when the money got sent over to her in an envelope every month, she praised Briseis over the phone for her effort and grades, making a big fuss about her every time Briseis sent more money over or did particularly well on a test. Her brothers were grateful too. She didn't make tonnes of money from the 'business' she had started but it helped nonetheless. 

Her family was so proud of her until she got caught for helping people cheat and selling homework answers. 

An 'anonymous' student had ratted her out to one of her teachers, and the teacher had then caught her in the act the following week after finding out what Briseis had been doing.

She was put on suspension for two weeks meaning she was banned from leaving her dorm room apart from at meal times. 

Her mother stopped texting her as much after that. She only texted when Briseis texted first which became less and less.

It was hard to find motivation to talk to her mother when all she could feel was shame and emptiness. Being caught was humiliating and belittling, especially when rumors about her suspension flew around her classmates. Each reason they came up was as ridiculous as the next yet it didn't stop her from feeling uncomfortably guilty and embarrassed whenever someone brought it up.

Most days she would find herself wondering at night where everything went wrong, when she went wrong more specifically.

Would she go back to how she used to be? doubtful. 

Would her mother ever honestly be able to look her in the eyes and say she was proud of her? 

... 

Chapter Text

14

When Briseis was 14 she was happier. She wasnt as alone anymore, she had about four solid friends now and had good grades. She had become more and more distant with her family; however, she started to care less and less as time went on. It didnt matter she soon realized. Nothing did.

Especially not when a new transfer student joined the school.

A pretty girl from france, Yvette. 

Due to Briseis’ good grades she was assigned as Yvettes new tourguide. She had never been so happy.Yvette was a blend of softness and sharpness, sweetness and firmness, delicacy without fragility—she embodied beauty itself. Briseis became infatuated with Yvette, captivated by her perfume, her warmth, and everything she represented. Yvette embodied everything Briseis aspired to be: elegant, intelligent, pretty, and witty. And to add to her obsession Yvette wanted to be around Briseis, She followed her around and visited her dorm almost daily. 

Briseis found herself consumed by an intense passion for Yvette, unlike anything she had ever experienced before. She yearned for everything Yvette could and would give her.

One night, Briseis confided in Chryseis about her feelings, only to be teased about having a crush on Yvette. Initially, Briseis brushed it off, laughing and denying the accusation. However, as days turned into weeks, she couldn't shake the thought that maybe Chryseis was right. The realization dawned on her, and she couldn't deny the awful truth: she was indeed falling for Yvette.

Every glance exchanged and accidental touch became unbearable torture for Briseis. The sound of Yvette's voice, the soft rhythm of her breaths, all sent Briseis's stomach into uncomfortable knots. She despised herself for possibly having feelings for another girl. It was a feeling of self-loathing she couldn't shake off. Briseis felt lost and vulnerable, not knowing how to rid herself of these confusing emotions or how to cope with them. She felt foolish and exposed every time she was in Yvette's presence.

Briseis yearned for an escape, a place far from the judgmental eyes of those around her.

She believed that if she lived elsewhere, away from these people, she wouldn't despise her feelings for a girl so much. But the reality remained that she was surrounded by them, trapped in their presence. Briseis dreaded the thought of being torn apart by them if they discovered her attraction to Yvette.

Yvette seemed to exist in a world beyond Briseis's grasp, out of her league in every possible way. The mere idea of anyone else finding out about her crush filled Briseis with dread and humiliation. So, she resorted to every means possible to suppress her feelings.

She tried hiding from yvette for about a week until yvette caught her and asked why she was avoiding her. The sight of yvette made her weak- she couldnt say why she was really hiding. She doubted she would ever be able to really. So she made up some stupid excuse about being upset. That night yvette slept over in her dorm to ‘comfort’ her. She had never felt more wrong. The entire night she couldnt stop thinking about  how what she was doing and feeling by being near yvette was wrong.

Wrong

wrong

wrong

wrong

She tried to confirm yvette was straight- maybe that would shut off her feelings, but when Yvette said she was infact not straight, she had to go to her dorm and cry her eyes out for about half an hour. So yvette wasnt completely unreachable, that only made it harder to pass on these feelings.

In a last desperate attempt to rid herself of her feelings for Yvette, Briseis resorted to hating her. She initiated petty arguments, avoided her, and made snarky comments about Yvette's appearance and attire. Briseis even stooped low enough to spread rumors until Yvette became miserable and distanced herself. It was a painful strategy born out of desperation, but Briseis hoped that by pushing Yvette away, she could also push away her unwanted feelings.

Yvette went home after that, that was her final month as a transfer student.

She had never cried so hard before, the regret and shame of her actions and feelings choked her, she felt like she couldnt breathe. For awhile almost every night she was a sobbing gasping mess on the bathroom floor, she wouldnt dare let chryseis she her sob over this anymore, she wouldnt let anyone.

She hated herself for what she had done and part of her hated Yvette too. Hating Yvette didnt stop her from loving her though, it didn't stop her heart from aching and missing Yvette nor did it stop her from feeling miserable.

She started to avoid any reminders of Yvette, she avoided the little blue flowers in the gardens Yvette had loved, she avoided sweet smelling fruity perfumes that Yvette liked, she avoided anything to do with france.

She wanted nothing more than for Yvette to be a distant memory and by the end of the school year she nearly was.

Nearly.

The thing about love is that it never really dies, at least it doesn't for Briseis, for her it just changed.

For example, she loved her mother at one point but due to the fact her mother never seemed to like her these days and the fact she never bothered to reach out anymore, Briseis' love evolved into a painful tolerance—a distant, hollow sentiment compared to what it once was. It was a painful realization to acknowledge that she no longer loved her mother the way she used to, but it was the truth she had to confront.

The situation became somewhat easier for Briseis when her mother lost her job at the company where she worked. With her brothers gradually distancing themselves from the family farm and her mother facing financial instability, money grew tight. Briseis wasn’t even sure whether she'd be able to continue attending the same school next year, given their uncertain financial circumstances. It seemed almost ironic that her mother, in her own way, made it easier for Briseis to harbor feelings of resentment and detachment instead of the old admiration and loyal love she used to feel.

Chapter Text

Opus 2016.

The Pelides pass through Opus. 

Achilles is seven.

(if you didn’t read the chapter notes go back and read them, it gives a bit of context for this chapter)

Achilles lay beside Patroclus on the bay by Patroclus’ house in opus.

He can feel small beads of sweat dripping down his back where the grains of chipped rock and sand press against him. The air around the pair is alive with the scent of salty seawater and sunkissed olive trees by the edge of the bay where sand meets rich, dark soil.

The waves beat gently on the rocks erected in the waters- the noise is soothing and as soft as a lullaby. He knows if he looked up to stare at the waters he would be greeted by the stretch of intermingling blues adorned by flecks of sea greens.

He knows if he looked up the dying sun would be dancing among the tips of the waves, its feet casting soft oranges and whites above the blues. He knows the sun wont be up much longer, but while its here he can feel it casting a warm blanket over himself and everything beneath the sky.

He knows that as long as the sun traces it’s golden fingertips across the land he will be allowed to lounge on the beach with the brunette beside him. 

He sat up, a newfound urgency blossoming within him at the thought of their lack of time.

He looked down at the brunette beside him who currently had their eyes shut as they bathed in the warmth of the day, even if said warmth was muggy and a little uncomfortable. Their face still had traces of sugary juice from a plum where it had burst free from the fruits ripened flesh the seocnd they sunk their teeth into it.  

Impatiently he drove his finger into their side resulting in a yelp of surprise and a scowl. They had turned away and gave Achilles a harsh glare; Clearly displeased by his antics. 

He grinned at them, the sort of toothy grin with rosy cheeks and a glint of excitement only a child could have. 

He was amused by how annoyed they had been all day. He had nearly burst into laughter when he caught them whining to their father about having to hang out with Achilles while the adults drank wine and talked.

He had observed the way their father had jabbed them in the base of the neck and muttered threats through a grimace to make Patroclus stumble forward in Achilles direction. The brunette had then huffed and bit out an all too sour invitation to go play outside. He found it funny.

Most boys seemed to chase after Achilles, seeking approval. Maybe it was because of his wealth or his family, maybe it was just because he was Achilles Pelides. He doubted it though, he seemed to have a hard time getting on with most children for long. He was far too honest and harsh for the children at his school. Anyway, Patroclus didnt seem to care about his charisma or parents or personality. He seemed to have a grudge against Achilles regardless of how they acted or what they did, which he found amusing. 

“i’m bored” he complained, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“No” 

“No?” He teased, happiness in his eyes

“I don’t want to play with you. I haven't wanted to play all da-“

“I know, I know-!” He cut them off in a hurried frevor.

“You know?” They said looking a little uneasy now, an awkward look to their face as their hand picked at eachother. 

“Yes, I know” he grinned

They made a few awkward unfinished noises before frowning, lip wobbling slightly as they apologized 

“I’m sorry- I didn’t want to but I promise it was fun- I didn’t mean-“ They tripped and stumbled their way through an unnecessary apology. 

He burt into laughter “why are you so worried?” He questioned, prodding them with his finger

“Please don’t tell my dad- he’s going to be mad that I told you I didn’t wanna be around you-“ he started

He waved a vague hand and gave them a cheshire cat smile 

“I wont tell your dad, I don’t care about what he says” he stated with an eye roll 

“My dad tries hard to make sure you like us” he admitted quietly 

“Not hard enough. He’s boring” 

“Take that back!” They protested, his voice pitchy and angry

“Nu uh” he felt another smile creep into his face when they got upset, this was what he wanted 

“Yes! My parents worked really hard so you would like Opus!” They exclaimed indignantly.

He tried not to giggle at their reaction, they were getting so worked up over defending someone who was more often then not rather mean to them. 

He sighed with feigned unamusement and serenity. 

“Hmm…. I guess you’ll catch me and force me too” he proclaimed calmly, a smug smirk on his lips. 

He knew they couldn’t catch him, not unless he grew bored of playing cat and mouse and let them, and even then they wouldn’t be able to beat him in a fight. His dad always told him what a great fighter and athlete he would make one day. His mother did too, when they were at the beach and she would watch him race around the rocks and sands with a fond smile and praise him afterwards. She only ever seemed happy when she got to watch him play at the beach. 

He started when they jolted forward, letting out a yelp as he sprung away from them and across the ground.

The soft pink skin of his heels kicked up sand as he sprinted down the beach to the shore. The sand was hot and the rocks pressed into the skin of his feet, years of running around beaches had made him immune to any pain from the tiny shells and stones across the bay. 

He looked behind with a triumphant smile when Patroclus was far behind him, he slowed slightly, allowing them to catch up to him as he crossed into the blue waters.

Water splashed up and wet the hem of his shorts as he waded further in. He only managed to get ankle deep before the brunette finally cuaght him, crashing into his back and knocking him onto the ground.

He rolled off his belly onto his back, beaming when they tried to pin him down, nobby knees pressing into his shoulders. One of them was bruised and scratched he noticed. 

“Caught me” he said. 

They gave him a confused look “what?”

“You didn’t want to play so I made you play. I like playing tag best” he explained.

A flash of idignation and annoyance crossed their face before they let out an agitated huff. They glared down at him.

“You don’t hate Opus and my parents?”

He couldn’t lie “I don’t like your dad”

They gave him an annoyed look and he cocked his head

“What,? you don’t like him either” He teased slyly

They satred down at him for a moment before letting out a quiet giggle. They climbed off him, sitting in the water. 

“Our clothes are wet” they commented as Achilles sat up 

He splashed water at Patroclus, not caring that his shorts were wet now.

The brunette narrowed their eyes before grinning and splashing them back. 

He knew they didn’t really hate playing with him. 

Chapter Text

So im in my exam week rn, i should have a few weeks after friday to get another chapter out and restart my other fic! im also working on developing a webcomic too with a few of my own characters though so im a bit busy right now

Im really sorry, I am trying ti be consistent but I have a lot going on as of right now.

Chapter Text

Sunday 8th November 2023

When morning came he didn't move for a while, he was perfectly content to just lie in bed with Achilles and think about what he was going to do now.

He had spent his entire night trying to calm Achilles down (which wasn't very easy). Stroking their hair, holding them close, and talking to them gently only seemed to make things worse at some points but being rough and firm just made them cry more. They kept changing their mind on how they felt, and what they wanted from him. I mean they literally started getting pissed off at him because his jumper was wet. Wet with their tears. He had no idea how that was his fault but he let it slide. He did however manage to get them to go to sleep eventually. After they stopped fussing and arguing with him every other hour they were too tired to talk or snap at him and just seemed to want some affection as they fell asleep. Considering how exhausted he was he was very content to just give them some affection and care and go to bed. This doesn't mean he slept well which was evident now, his whole body felt like lead and his eyes were sore and itchy. 

After about half an hour of just restlessly staring at the ceiling, he did somehow convince his body to wake up a bit. He slipped away from Achilles and hoped they wouldn't notice him gone, he planned to be back by the time they woke up anyway. 

He got dressed, brushed his teeth, shaved his face, and put his shoes on.

Afterwards he stood by his bed for a moment just contemplating whether Achilles would be mad at him for telling someone what happened. In all honesty, he had no clue, maybe he would but then again it's not like it was someone who didn't already know everything. Chiron would be okay to tell (probably), maybe not Peleus. Whatever, what Achilles didn't know wouldn't hurt him. He piled a few more blankets on top of the blond's sleeping form before exiting the dorm as quietly as he could.

The halls were pretty much empty and desert as he paced through them to Chiron's office. He was well aware of just how early this was and how Chiron might not be very happy to see him but he didn't care, he needed to talk to someone, needed someone to tell him how to fix everything. It wasn't like he could go to Briseis or Ajax or any of his other friends for advice. He felt a soft ache in his heart as he thought of Briseis. Everything felt so complicate now.

When he finally arrived at Chiron's office the door swung open to reveal a slightly tired-looking Chiron in his dressing gown. His body tensed up as he expected them to yell or maybe even get up and force him out yet they didn't. Instead, they just smiled a little confusedly and greeted them in that warm, deep voice. Sometimes he struggled to remember that not everyone was like his father. Not everyone would get violent and angry by his presence, his existence. 

He shuffled in silently and took a seat on the opposite side of their desk after closing the thick wooden door that marked the entrance to the cosy room. 

He couldn't ring himself to start so he aimlessly picked at his hands until Chiron spoke up.

"can't sleep?" they asked in an all too knowing voice

He nodded hesitantly "Something like that" 

Chiron smiled at him and stood to fuss over the tea he was making in the corner of the room. The older man didn't bother asking this time he just slid over the cup full of tea to Patroclus' side of the desk when it was ready. He lifted the cup to his lips and took a hesitant sip, it was herbal- almost the exact blend his mother used to love. The taste made him unexpectedly emotional considering he could barely remember the woman. Chiron didn't ask or say anything when he noticed Patroclus' watery eyes and wobbly lip. He just sat there and waited for Patroclus to collect himself and start the conversation.

It took Patroclus a minute but he got there in the end, he cleared his throat, set his cup down and looked up

"I could really use some help" he started

"Most people do" Chiron responded calmly

"want to tell me a little more"?"

"I don't know what to do- so much has happened and- Can I just tell you what I need to and then talk about everything afterward?" his voice was uncharacteristically hoarse and unsteady, he felt a slow, vicious panic bubbling beneath the surface 

Chiron nodded "Yes, of course, go ahead." he mused giving the boy an expectant once over.

Patroclus nodded and took a deep breath, he tried to understand what he was meant to say and how to say it. He didn't know how much he wanted to tell them but then again- if he told them all of it they would probably give more accurate advice.

"so.. after the incident with Achilles and the girl I just started to ignore my friend Briseis and after that things were OK I guess. Like I didn't really want to talk to her but I couldn't really be bothered to care about how she was feeling or anything because I was too focused on Achilles. Anyway, Achilles said I should go see her when I told him everything that was happening and then he invited me over for Christmas to stay with him and his parents. I've said yes by the way. Anyway- I met with Briseis and apologized for spending all my time with Achilles and ignoring her but she started getting pissed off. She kept going on about how me and Achilles are basically dating at this point and then- she kissed me. like a lot. and I didn't know what to do. She was kissing me and I kept thinking about Achilles for some reason and I felt guilty and I don't know why."

he took a deep breath and avoided looking at Chiron.

"I ran away after that. Achilles was really sweet to me afterward and really pissed off at Bri. Anyway, later that day he like-" he scrunched his nose "he didn't mean it, obviously. But he was kind of like couple-y with me because Briseis was watching. I think he just wanted to upset her- and I was going to say something but I just let it go. Then uh- he and his friends yelled at her about the situation in front of everybody and made fun of her. When I found out I yelled at him for ages, when he explained he just compared it to his situation and said he thought she was trying to like assault me or something. I forgave him, it's not his fault he misunderstood it all, he was just looking out for me"

Chiron nodded before speaking 

"go on?"

"I tried to apologize to her later, but she slammed the door on me a lot so I had to force my way in, anyway we argued and she told me to just go fuck him instead if I liked him so much and I said she's just mad I like him more then her, which was.... rude of me I guess. She asked me to leave and I just gave up and left. Anyway me and Achilles were hanging out that night and Bri decided to come apologize to me, Achilles laughed at her, and then-" 

he paused uncomfortably 

"he said 'careful she doesn't try fuck you again the second you're alone" 

he looked away "and then- she said 'he fucked an older girl- a last year at the party. Apparently, he fucks her a lot' I made her leave after that."

He paused awkwardly, he felt sick.

"last night Achilles just kept crying and snapping at me and basically having a meltdown" he let out a relieved breath when he was done.

"okay so that was a lot," Chiron said quietly

He laughed bitterly at that. 

"so what I'm hearing is, you ignored Briseis, she kissed you, you thought about Achilles while kissing her, Achilles humiliated her, she threw his assault in his face, you kicked her out, Achilles had a meltdown?" 

"..yes"

"okay well starting from the beginning, you shouldn't have ignored her so much, but I think you already know that so I won't go on about that too much unless you want me to?" 

Patroclus shook his head

"Okay next thing- tell me how the kiss made u feel"

He shrugged lamely at that "I don't know. weird I guess. it wasn't bad but it didn't feel right" 

"Didn't feel right huh?" 

"didn't feel right. not that she was the wrong person I mean she's amazing. and beautiful. but something else was wrong and I don't know why. I should have liked that" 

Chiron gave him a pitiful look "... Patroclus, can I ask you something? you need to be honest now" 

he nodded hesitantly

"do you not like kissing girls or did you have someone else in mind that you wanted to be kissing instead?" 

He froze at that, Patroclus didn't know what to answer. He knew that he didn't want to be kissing Briseis but he hadn't considered that he didn't like it because he wanted it to be a certain someone kissing him. He felt his face heat up. he knew what they were trying to ask. Gods, why did everyone keep saying that? They kept acting like he was some disgustingly in-love puppy dog who was head over heels for Achilles. Achilles was a friend. His friend, his. He didn't need people butting in and trying to tell him what it was. 

"no. Why does everyone keep saying that?" he snapped "Me and Achilles are friends" he snarled.

Chiron raised an eyebrow

"Funny how you thought of him when I said that though, isn't it?"

He felt his face heat up. He wanted to leave this wasn't what he wanted to hear. He didn't love Achilles, didn't like him, didn't like the way his voice sounded or the way his hair fell, he didn't like staring at their body, he didn't like how their lips and hands felt, he didn't like the way they smelt and felt against his body. He didn't. 

"Okay."

"okay?"

"i don't like him. I don't know why I thought of him" 

"... I think you're pretty close to figuring it out" 

He smiled warmly at Patroclus but all he could think about was how wrong it felt, how wrong loving Achilles would be. 

"and Patroclus? when you do figure it out I'm always here to talk. And be safe. Seriously."

Be safe? he didn't know what that meant or what that had to do with anything.

"one last thing- I promise you it's not as bad as you think it is. when you come to that realization don't get upset about it" he said tiredly.

The younger brunette just stared at them nonplussed and shook his head.

"Moving on- Achilles can be wrong sometimes." 

"sorry..?"

"I don't think you realize it doesn't matter if he thought he was doing the right thing- he was wrong. He had no right to humiliate her and you don't forgive him every time he acts out. I think for things to work out not only do you need to have some pretty serious conversations with Achilles and Briseis- they need to have a pretty serious conversation with each other," he said gruffly

"so what? you think I should make them talk to each other?" 

"no maybe not. try to get on better grounds with them both, apologize, talk, explain how you felt, and let them do the same. then try to reason with them about what the other did" he sighed "Sometimes you cant force people to forgive each other or come together but you can try. All of you are just angry, stressed teenagers. you gotta learn to move on or sort these things out. and so do they. so don't force anything but do put a little effort in and try to bridge the gap." he explained.

Patroclus nodded along and stared at them intently "Okay. I can try to do that once I'm friends with Bri again"

 
"Good. And no more beating yourself up if things go south okay?"

He just nodded quietly 

"And about what briseis said, I and Achilles' father will do damage control, if she knows who the girl is we can investigate and stop her from telling more people-" 

"no"

"What?"

"let Achilles tell his dad what he wants done instead. He doesn't need people deciding for him, he doesn't like it. And he doesn't like pity either" 

Chiron stared at him for a moment and just nodded with a resentful sigh.

"Alright then, talk with Peleus."

He was about to get up when Chiron spoke again "Now your heads on straight, how was that tea?" 

He just nodded  tiredly "good"

Chiron smiled. "Okay then, good to know, now out my office" 

He rolled his eyes and left heading straight back to Achilles. He missed him, he wanted to be close.

Chapter Text

When he returned to the dorm he found a bleary-eyed Achilles, their cheeks wet and flushed with upset tears. He paused and frowned at the sight as he took it all in, he had expected to come back and find them asleep, not crying and sniveling.

"I'm sorry" The blonde choked out

"What?" 

He had no idea what they were sorry about but he knew he hated seeing them like this, it was unsettling to him.

"I'm sorry" they mumbled tearfully.

"I'm not mad at you..?" he said, pacing over to the bed where they sat

"I thought you left because I was annoying last night."

He felt himself soften a little at that, their admission was so quiet and pathetic. He knew Achilles was often at times over dramatic but he hadn't expected them to get so worked up over him leaving for a short while.

"oh Achilles," he murmured as he moved forward to sit on the bed's edge and wrap them up in a hug

"I'm not upset at you for that" he sighed. He rested his chin on top of their head as they buried their face into his neck. His hand slipped under their shirt to rub lightly up and down their back. "I'm never going to be mad at you for struggling okay? you went through a lot last night, I get why you were so worked up" 

And it was true, he never would be mad at Achilles for having a meltdown like that. Was it difficult and frustrating to deal with? Sure. Did he care enough about Achilles to not give a shit about how exhausting they were sometimes? Of course. It made him feel guilty that they seemed to think he would get pissed off at them for having a hard time coping. 

They didn't reply much to his previous statement, they just continued to sniffle wetly.

Deep down He knew he needed to talk to them about everything that had gone down last night and the way they acted but he didn't want to risk upsetting them more. As much as he adored the boy in his arms he did need them to understand that he wasn't always the solution to their problems, especially when he had his own personal and emotional connections to people involved in the dilemma, like Briseis for example. 

They sat like that for a while, Patroclus just waiting for them to calm down a little before risking the topic of last night

"Achilles, I'm not mad at you for last night" he began, hoping to clear that up once and for all "but- you can't just break down completely like that. I wish I knew how to make things better all the time but sometimes I don't. You'd be better suited seeing someone who actually does know what to do when you're like that" he said softly, reaching a gentle hand up to brush a few strands of honeyed hair that were plastered to the boy's wet face.

Achilles frowned at that and with a small hiccup answered "You do make things better. I don't want somebody else" They were so fussy sometimes so he wasn't really surprised by this answer.

"yeah but- I will still be here, I can even go see the other people with you if you need me to, but for now you need to start asking other people like Chiron to help. yesterday could have gone a lot worse for you than it did, I don't know how to handle you when you're like that."

They frowned at that and looked away, they couldn't ignore the truth in the brunette's words, try as they might "I know but- it's not the same talking to other people, they don't get me the way you do. Like- I fi told my dad what I said about Briseis he would just get mad at me." 

The brunette raised an eyebrow at him "Yeah he probably would, what you did to her was kind of shitty." Achilles scowled at that 

"I thought we moved on from that" 

"We have, I'm just saying, it wasn't right. but neither is what she said." 

Achilles nodded at that "I'll go if you come with me" they said after a long time of silently thinking. 

"anything you want." 

They seemed to perk up at that, a sly smile already on their lips as they leaned in, their face a few inches away from Patroclus' face

"anything?"

".... maybe not everything"  He couldn't help it but his eyes seemed to linger a little too long on Achilles' lips when they were so close. Their lips were a dusty rose colour with a faint splotch of angry red where they must have bit it and the skin healed over only just. He had to consciously remind himself to look them in the eye, not their mouth.

For a moment Achilles paused before speaking, lips parted confusedly. Had they caught him staring? Probably, he was never great at subtlety anyway.

"you just want to see me unhappy" they declared after a few more moments of awkward silence in which Achilles took his own time to stare down at Patroclus's lips, 

"Depends what will make you happy, knowing you your probably gonna ask for something extremely unreasonable" 

"no, I'm not" 

"so what did you want?" 

"a kiss. kiss me" 

Fuck, maybe they had caught him staring? His cheeks heat up as he took on an innocently perplexed expression

"Why would you want me to kiss you?" 

"why not?" 

"but why? Achilles I don't think it's normal to ask your friends that-"

"Okay I have a crush on you." they said in a bored voice "I want to kiss you because I like you. I want to be with you," he poked them in the side 

He felt his heart stop for a moment as a rush of excitement engulfed his body, his mind hell his whole being, existence even. It felt almost surreal hearing them say that. Achilles was beautiful, divine as if the gods had spent hours crafting him and pouring all their attention into every detail and aspect of their figure. He was also Patroclus' bestfriend.

Friend.

They were friends.

With a sour pang of guilt, he got up off the bed suddenly. He knew he shouldn't feel so excited that his friend jokingly admitted to wanting him. He chalked his feelings up to the fact Achilles was just pretty to look at, or the fact Patroclus just had some unknown hidden desire to be wanted, regardless of the person. Both were probably true.

Maybe not the second one, he knew deep down the only person who could evoke such a reaction from him like that was Achilles. It must just be because Achilles was pretty. Nothing else.

"you're an asshole" 

They faltered at that, giving him a puzzled look "What? no Im not-" 

"yes, you are. " 

"why because I want to kiss you?" Their voice was unusually brittle and agitated 

"Because you're messing with me, it isn't funny" 

Achilles had to be fucking with him. There was no way someone like Achilles could like him like that. Or could they? The thought admittedly baffled him but he did consider it for a moment, just a moment, no more than that. He felt a tiny, stupid fleeting feeling of hope as he considered it. He doesn't even like Achilles. This was too much. Because at the end of the day, he knew that Achilles was just messing with him and that he couldn't have Achilles, they were far too good for him. He knew that his excitement and nervousness about the other boy had to stay hidden and 'just jokes' because admitting there was a possibility that he liked Achilles was wrong. He was wrong, That wasn't what he wanted. 

"Not messing with you." 

"yes, you are." 

"no" 

"yes, you like girls" 

"I like you"

But god how he wanted it.

It made him sick to his stomach.

It was wrong. 

He laughed at that, trying to hide his real feelings  "You're gross, stop it" 

They rolled their eyes at him "Hate you"

It was strange how hearing those words was far more relieving than another joke about how Achilles liked him. Would he rather be hated than admit that there might be a slight possibility he wanted so badly to kiss his friend like everyone around him seemed to think? yes.

"hate you too"

He paused as he looked over to the boy who was still lounging on the bed. His stomach was twisting with panic and horror. Was he-? Did he? Achilles of all people?? He locked eyes with them 

Wrong move. 

They had that slightly smug, sly look on their face, the one where their eyes narrowed slightly and those lips formed an unimaginably innocent, enticing smirk. 

And if he looked away from their face he knew his eyes would settle on the broadness of their shoulders and begin tracing down the gentle curve of their sculpted back. 

His throat was unsuspectedly tight and his face unreasonably hot. 

They needed to stop looking at him like that, it was driving him insane. He changed the topic as fast as he could. any topic would do.

"I told Chiron what happened" he blurted out, trying to play off the deep flush creeping up his face and body as a guilty one not a 'fuck do I want to kiss my best friend? do I want my best friend to want me?' one.

"what? why?" 

"I don't know, I just needed someone to tell me what to do" 

"I could have told you 

"no, you couldn't have, you're too biased" 

"and he's not?"

"I mean, yeah, he's not is he?"

"whatever" they got up and grabbed their phone 

"I didn't want to wake you up to tell you, otherwise I would have," he said softly 

They looked up at him and nodded quietly "Okay then."

"he said we should talk to him or your dad about what you want to happen about the girl" 

Achilles stilled at that "Uhm... I don't know what I want to happen." 

"That's okay, if you talk to them they can help you figure it out, sweetheart."

"sweetheart?"

"yeah?"

"no like why are you calling me sweetheart?"

"I've called you it before"

"But why you don't call other people it"

"uh... I don't know, I just do" 

He didn't even mean to call Achilles sweetheart, never even realizing he had started doing it in the first place. Had he just been casually flirting the entire time? did he subconsciously want Achilles without realizing it for the last few months? 

Shit.

"Okay." 

"You're being weird today" he diverted. (not as tactfully as he thought he did.)

"I have a lot on my mind" they responded boredly 

"don't you always?" 

"different stuff"

"want to talk about it?" 

"no, you don't understand it whenever I talk about it," 

"okay then" He didn't bother to press them the way he usually would- he just needed out. 

He locked eyes with them again before mumbling an awkward excuse to dismiss himself before fleeing the room.

Chapter Text

After practically sprinting from Achilles, he found himself stuck in the middle of the dormitory halls unsure of where to go. He needed someone to talk to about this recent development where he seemed to have a thing for Achilles. He knew most people at this school would either simply react badly or tell others. They were all far too interested and wrapped up in each other's lives to be trusted with such information. 

Everyone except one person. 

Briseis.

He knew firsthand the strong dislike she held for everyone at this school, her hatred for bullying and rumors. He needed her right now, arguing or not he needed her. He missed her too- he didn't like there was always this ongoing, constant fight between her and Achilles. 

Begrudgingly he headed to her dorm and prayed that she would be in there. He swallowed thickly before knocking on the door and waiting for it to be opened. 

Briseis opened it, and a gush of relief enveloped him. 

She stared at him

He stared back.

"I know you're mad and confused but I really just need someone in my corner right now" 

She gave him a pitying look, not really seeming sure of what was going on. 

"....come in." 

She opened her door, a hesitant and politely confused expression lingering on her face. She led him into the room and sat him on her bed before taking a seat next to him, her eyes reproachful. Her roommate was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm sorry for shoving you out like that when you tried to apologize but-" 

"But?" 

"Bri what I tell you is a secret like really secret" He felt sick with anxiety. Telling her this might be a mistake but he couldn't see what else he was meant to do in order to fix everything, and Chiron had told him to try to fix the gap between Achilles and Briseis, right?

"Okay..."

"Achilles didn't- what happened with that girl was a one-time thing and it wasn't consensual on his part" he blurted out. 

His palms were sweaty and his heart was going a million miles a minute.

"you threw his assault in his face, and as much as I love you sometimes, I would never, ever let you talk to him like that" 

"It wasn't-?"

"No, he didn't want it" 

At first, she looked confused, then mortified by what she had done, then horrified

"oh my god" 

"Yeah" 

"you know I would have never- even if I don't like him- not if I knew-" 

"yeah, I know. which is why I'm giving you a second chance" 

"I'm so sorry- I never- oh my god" 

"yeah, but in return for me apologizing, I want you to apologize to Achilles" 

"He's been struggling and I kind of neglected you to look after him, which was wrong but also needed- he's not super like.. okay, he's getting help from Chiron- the guy I see" 

"yeah oh shit. Fuck." 

"Yeah. I don't want to go on about it. You seem sorry, make things right with him though after this alright?" 

"yeah of course" 

Briseis fell quiet after Patroclus explained why he shoved her out of the room. She wasn't even looking at Patroclus now, instead, she stared determinedly at the bedding. He knew Briseis was sweet and empathetic at times, knew she would have never mocked anyone for their assault. She obviously felt guilty for it, and while it made him kind of sad for her because 1- he knew she did it on accident and 2- he liked her and didn't want her to be sad, it was gratifying in a way. A part of him felt bitter for Achilles and wanted to hold a grudge against her and hate her for the way she acted, even if she had no idea what she was doing.

He sighed and looked away, scratching at his forearm lightly. There was something else that needed to be explained 

"and not just that, why did you kiss me?" 

It was his turn to stare determinedly at the bedding while she watched him. He knew if he looked up her eyes would be wide and her dark skin would be flushed a pretty, deep colour.

"I don't know." When her response came her voice was awkward and agitated sounding, he knew she was uncomfortable but that didn't stop him from pressing her for an actual answer this time

"that's not good enough. you had been messaging me to meet up for ages. Tell me. it's only fair"

"fine."
She took a deep, steadying voice and then began

"I guess... for me I've never fit in with everyone at this school, I was never popular, or rich, or super pretty so they didn't really take to me. I was just weird, and I think after waiting so long for someone to show interest in me and like my presence I just misread what we are. When you first came you were sweet, funny, popular but like- you're not the same as everyone else here. I thought we were the same. I was just so glad that for once someone didn't hate me I wanted to date you. I've always just, chosen who I had a crush on. Whichever guy had the best personality, and most money- whoever was just the best choice. I would choose them and just decide they were my new crush. I guess I got so nervous I just started kissing you instead of asking you out." 

He didn't say anything for a moment, he understood her point of view but that didn't really make him any less annoyed over it.

"you don't choose who you have a crush on. crushes can't be helped" he responded quietly.  

"I do"

"having a crush on someone is spontaneous, you don't make an active decision. like- you don't choose who you love"

 "not all of us get that option Patroclus" 

"What?" He couldn't understand what she meant if she was talking about sexuality he was also kind of screwed when it came to that 

"i think I prefer girls" 

"That's not a bad thing" 

"I know. but not everyone agrees" 

"I thought your whole thing wasn't caring about other people's thoughts?" 

"it kinda is" 

"so why does it matter? go get a hot girlfriend or something" he joked, a weak attempt at lightening the suddenly awkward mood

"It matters because 1- I'm already picked on enough, 2- where am I finding hot girls at this school?"

"I don't know, like- maybe those literature clubs" 

"literature clubs are gay?" 

'Yeah, I would know, I'm in one and apparently, I'm head over heels for my best friend.' is what he wanted to say

"no, but loads of sad poetic people are gay and they all go to literature clubs so I'd try my luck there if I was you"  is what he actually said

she laughed dryly at that and nodded along, offering him a playful jab to the arm "noted." 

he was glad he cheered her up a little bit

"Want me to find you a sad poetic girlfriend too while I'm at the literature club?" she said after a moment in teasing jest. 

He paused and thought for a second.  noticing a few problems with her suggestion

 1- he already is sad and likes literature enough for two people so no point in dating someone who's also poetic and loves literature

 2- girls were nice but he was starting to realize just how fucking hot guys were more and more each day (unfortunately and also fortunately because god he had never appreciated how guys looked after swimming (Achilles would look great swimming)) 

 3- he might have a thing for his best friend

"no, not my type", was also true and also easier to explain. Briseis raised an eyebrow at him before asking another tentative question

"so if that's not what you prefer what do you prefer?" 

"I think I prefer-" he paused. what did he prefer? girls weren't awful, but when he had to picture the word beauty or remember a time someone had made him all nervous and flustered- only one person came to mind and last time he checked they weren't a girl. 

"boys, maybe. and blonde hair"

Briseis laughed at that "Blondes?" 

"It's do-" he shrugged "It's so light. I just like it" He liked a specific shade of blonde hair best, however, one he woke up to pretty much every day. 

"pick someone blonde to have a crush on," she said with a shrug

"Again, you can't just pick-" he said exasperatedly 

"Again you might not but I do," she mocked 

"what you've never had a crush on someone you haven't chosen? even if you thought it was bad or they were bad." 

"uhm.. maybe once"

"a girl. I missed her for ages. I still do sometimes." 

A small part of him knew not to press, he could tell by her expression not to press.

"I feel that way sometimes," he mumbled instead of asking a question.

"Achilles?" she sounded a little unimpressed

"I don't know. I don't know how I feel about him. he's just kind of perfect for me" he paused

"I think- this morning I had like a realization. I think I might have had a crush on him since September but I'm not sure he just has a habit of making me act and feel... weird you know?"

It was hard for him to explain how Achilles made him feel, and how everything about Achilles seemed to him. I mean he knew Achilles wasn't always a good person but neither was anyone else. He was embarrassingly smitten with that boy and he only seemed to be realizing that now. He took a deep breath and tried his best to describe how he saw Achilles in his point of view

Briseis raised a confused eyebrow so he began awkwardly describing how Achilles made him feel

"I just... I find myself just staring at him sometimes, I find it hard not to stare. Every detail about his hair, his skin, his face- it just like entices me. And it's awful. it's not even just the way he looks- he just- the way he acts. I mean yeah he can be bitchy and unpredictable but I like that about him and there's so much more to him everyone else doesn't see. I mean yeah he likes showing off to everyone else, but with me- he's sweet, quiet, and gentle. He listens, he doesn't lie if he can help it and you know he tries. I've seen him in his best and worst moments. He's so smart too, and funny without trying. I could never get bored of his personality. And have you noticed? He also just has this like charm he can turn on and off, he's fascinating. He is so alluring if you let him be" 

"oh my god I get it loverboy calm down-" 

"I am not a-" 

"oh, you are. Jesus. Once you were done describing his personality where are you going to start describing every inch of his body, how gorgeous he is?" 

"oh shut up. I just meant that he's lovely, like really lovely, even if you don't think so. and he makes me feel so- it's just easy with him, it's easy to talk to him, easy to listen to him. It's easy to touch him or laugh around him. He's the only person who makes me feel- I don't even know. like sick but also like happy. so happy" 

"but- I know it wouldn't work and that he doesn't feel that way" 

"yes he does"

"What?" 

"every time I see that boy he looks bored out of his mind or just generally pissed off at whoever following him around. he's not like that when I see him with you. i mean he literally forced his roommate to move out so he could share with you and my god- I heard him and his friends once. Someone tried to make a joke about you and he just completely flipped out on them." 

"that doesn't mean he has a crush on me, he just likes being friends with me" 

"you too dense sometimes" 

"I know. I just wish- I wish I knew what to do"  mumbled. Achilles made him so lost sometimes. He knew they were out of his league even if by some miracle they did like him back. Besides, he had never had a boyfriend, what would he even do? 

Briseis seemed to have an idea of what Oatrockus should do. 

A very embarrassing one was only made funnier by her serious, flat tone of voice

"I don't know, write him a letter, kiss him, confess in the pouring rain, buy him a ring-" 

"oh my god shut up he would never stop making fun of me-" he exclaimed in a fit of laughter. She smiled when she saw him cheering up a bit

"Whatever, the point is- he obviously cares about you a lot. and if you like him, I doubt he would make fun of you for it. if that feeling you have toward him doesn't go away confess, talk to him, see what he thinks, it won't be as bad as you think" 

"I think Chiron tried to say that without actually saying it this morning." 

"mm.. yeah. he probably knows. you said Achilles saw him?" 

"Yeah" 

"oh, then he definitely does. maybe it's less obvious on your side but spend ten minutes around Achilles and it's pretty easy to tell something is up" 

"oh my god be quiet, nothing is up" 

"Right, so this 'feeling' you get around him is just platonic?"

"well like- maybe!?"

"the whole thing is I don't know yet, I don't know what I'm doing at all, all I know is that I think I care a little too much about Achilles"  he complained 

"your disgusting, cmon stop worrying. take your time, figure it out. And if you can't just speak to him. or me or literally anyone, I think you'll be fine"

"I guess" he paused "do you think he'd be mad if I told him he's making me feel... weird. and then not speak to him for like a week?" 

"yes that's really shitty" 

"says you, you didn't even tell me you just-" 

she flushed and cut him off "Fair enough."

He laughed at that and poked her in the side. 

"Whatever, enough about this- I'll find the time to tell him about it and in the meantime you apologize okay?" 

"yeah of course. want to go on a walk?" 

"yeah sure come on" 

He got up and offered his hand to her, she gave him a strange look for it but took his hand anyway before exiting the dorm. 

The rest of the two weeks passed like that, he would talk to Chiron every few days in the morning before everyone got up for school, hang out with Achilles then walk around and talk with Briseis. 

Chapter Text

Sunday 22nd, November 2023

This morning when he woke up, the balcony doors, despite it lightly snowing and being freezing cold outside, were open. And besides the doors was probably the most beautiful thing Patroclus had ever had the fortune to lay his eyes on. 

Achilles gently strummed and hummed along to his guitar, hair tousled from sleep and face still soft in the morning light.

Not that much light got in past the thick grey clouds.

Beautiful either way.

It was horrible how much more astoundingly and sickeningly nervous Achilles had been making him feel as of late. His 'realization' had been making him uncomfortably aware of everything involving himself and Achilles. It was obvious too, Briseis had caught him 'getting ready' (desperately trying to make himself look better) for Achilles after his classes finished. She had diagnosed him as being lovesick. Not impossible but hey- there was still hope this 'realization' might pass. 

The brunette got up from bed and took his seat next to Achilles to watch him for a while. Achilles didn't look up as he sat down, but he did catch the corners of their lips upturning after a moment of Patroclus observing silently. 

"you gonna say anything or just sit and stare at me?" they didn't even bother looking up, just raised their eyebrows as they questioned the brunette in a teasing tone

"sit and stare" 

this drew a fond laugh from the blonde "You're weird sometimes" 

"that's how you like me" 

The blonde looked up at him and paused, lost in thought for a minute. He didn't know what they were thinking about but from the intensity of their gaze he assumed it was probably something confusing.  "yeah, it is how I like you. Want to try to play my guitar?" 

"Sure" 

He couldn't care less for the guitar, he just wanted to get closer to Achilles. There was something so intimate about it all.

He shuffled closer and the blonde slid the guitar over onto his lap placing his hands over both the brunette's and arranging all his fingers accordingly. His breath warmed the small area of his neck just beneath Patroclus's ears. Achilles smelt a bit like almond. His hair tickled Patroclus' shoulder. Patroclus found that he didn't mind. 

"move this hand,-" he gently squeezed Patroclus' hand that was on the strings "up and down gently to strum. I used to just use my fingers but it kinda hurt so I use one of these now-" he gestured to the guitar pic in his hand before handing it to Patroclus, then adjusting the brunette's hand again. The feeling of their gentle, calloused fingers brushing tenderly against his own hands in an attempt to aid him did all sorts of thing to him, he swallowed thickly and tried to focus of strumming properly how he had been shown. 

The blonde smiled when Patroclus was able to make a half-decent sound after strumming how he was shown a few times. 

"you're a natural" they teased, nosing at his neck affectionately 

"you did all of that for me" his voice came out strangely accusatory

"nu uh." the blonde retaliated 

He gave them an unimpressed look.

They laughed.

"so what? can't I just be proud you're trying to do something I enjoy for me?" their eyes were so bright, and so was the hesitant little smile playing on his lips. 

"Whatever, you go back to playing- you didn't let me hear the end of whatever you were doing" 

"I'm writing a song" 

" a song?" 

"yes. I've written like five. I haven't told anyone apart from my mother. She got me a deal with some company" 

Patroclus felt a little hurt he was finding out now. Of course, he wanted to give Achilles privacy but this was different, he wanted to be able to know and enjoy all of Achilles' hobbies. It made no sense to him that they kept them secret. Especially this one- with Achilles' background and talent any music he made would be a big hit. He didn't want to miss any of their progress, the thought alone upset him.

"What...? since when? why didn't you tell me-" 

"the lyrics are kind of embarrassing, and I have a feeling you're smart enough to figure them out, which is why I kept it a secret for so long" Their voice was rushed and quiet. The brunette doesn't miss how Achilles' hands fidget and pick at each other anxiously, or how they seem to avoid looking too long at Patroclus.

"since when?" 

"beginning of October, it kind of helped after everything that happened." they trailed off awkwardly, not wanting to sour the mood by bringing up the party.

"oh.. uhm- right. Well I don't think I'm smart enough to figure them out so sing them to me" 

He was dying to hear these 'embarrassing' lyrics. He found their nervousness about their songwriting endearing and sweet, not embarrassing.

"you want me to sing?" 

They were smirking, their face was so close to his. 

He knew it would be very Achilles of them to say no and tease him so he decided to do the one thing that he knew would win them over.

He kissed their cheek, light and soft, lingering just long enough before giving them a pleading look. Achilles adored affection and attention, he had just given them both attention and affection. They might be keeping quiet but he could tell by the rosy colour on the blonde's cheeks that they were at least a little bit happy and he had hopefully successfully coaxed them into singing.

"please?" 

He only had to wait a moment for a stupidly breathless response from Achilles. He smiled, they were such a dork sometimes.

"okay-" they looked a little confused but complied

They cleared their throat awkwardly, looking down at the guitar again before strumming the intro gently and beginning to sing, voice soft and light.

Achilles was right, he was smart enough to figure out what that song meant. He was most definitely an impressive shade of red now. He was embarrassed by how breathless and hot he felt all of a sudden. His heart ached an his palms sweated. Why was it so scary to want Achilles fully?

"figure out what that song's about genius? or do I need to ask again" Achilles wasn't smirking but he did have a charmed smile on his face. He knew

Patroclus would react like this 

"Ask" he felt giddy. And sick. Sick but happy? who knows.

"kiss me?" Achilles' voice is soft as a whisper, full of trepidation

He pauses. Kissing his best friend is stupid. A NEW level of stupidity. A very tempting one. Everyone has the right to experiment, so why shouldn't he indulge this once and experiment? He leans forward, and pauses, they're nose to nose now. 

"ask again"

"...no" They look agitated by the brunette's request

"I wrote a song about kissing I'm not sure how much more I can talk about it pat-" Achilles' voice is pained and tormented with frustration, it's clear in the way his words come out in a low, desperate whine. 

Still Not helping himself, he asks again; just in a slightly different format

"Sing the song again." 

"No, I'm tired of singing about what I want instead of having it pat. I've told you what I want loads, please"

This isn't a joke. At least he didn't think it was. 

"well if you want to kiss someone you have a girlfriend" 

"Is this what this-" he waved a hand vaguely in Patroclus' direction "Is about?"

"I don't know is it?" 

his own words surprise him. He had no idea why he was acting so... defensively. He regrets it almost immediately 

"She's not the person I like, I don't write songs or music about her-" 

"then who do you write them about?" he needed to hear it before he committed to making a mistake and confessing. Achilles made everything feel so easy sometimes. So easy to get carried away and just confess and kiss them stupid, confess the feelings he was still barely coming to terms with. 

Achilles seemed to feel differently about this. They looked more disappointed than anything by what the brunette had said, then again, Patroclus knew he had a habit of being overwhelmingly disappointing at times. His dad, his classmates, the boy he killed, their family, probably his mother too if she was even alive, and now- Achilles. He had somehow managed to disappoint them all

"I'll see you later dork" Achilles ruffled Patroclus' hair before getting up with a very annoyed sigh and exiting the room. 

Chapter Text

Tuesday 24th , November 2023

 A few days later Patroclus found himself lying in bed while Achilles stood before him chucking clothes from his wardrobe all about the room trying to decide what looked worst on him so he could throw it out. He did all this while ranting about the ‘terrifying’ encounter with Briseis (she apologized to him).

“-And my god it was crazy, she came up the dorm all alone like I had said then-“ he chucked a top onto the floor and ruffled through the remaining clothes in his wardrobe “then- she started apologizing for everything from like first year, and it went on forever and her face was all red, anyways- she wanted to start over so I was going to say no and then she was all ‘for Patroclus’ so I said yes because-“ he paused to examine a pair of shorts “because your you and I like you so-“

This was about the tenth time he had heard this story. Truth be told he was thoroughly sick of hearing Achilles harp on about it. I mean he was glad Achilles had at least accepted the apology but still- it was tiring listening to him go on and on about it, especially when they were unusually smug that they didn’t have to apologize in return.

”Achilles I get it, can we not just be happy you two are on good terms now?” he rolled his eyes as he spoke, unable to keep his frustration out of his voice 

The blonde paused their rambling to give the brunette an annoyed look, clearly they didn't want to stop discussing it. Either way, they gave up and continued to ramble about something else 

"So anyway, enough of that since you insist-“ he shot Patroclus a glare as if he had done something wrong “I don't even know how I managed to talk about her for so long considering she's so bland-"

He rolled his eyes at that, so much for reconciliation and good terms “Hey- the whole point of her apologizing is so you're nice Achilles" he stressed the word "nice"

" I am being nice, I could have been meaner, do you want to see me be meaner?"

The blonde was pulling a sly, questioning look, and his tone was heavily laced with sarcasm 

"Absolutely not, what happened to just being peaceful for the holidays? he said in an attempt to shut down their behavior

 "oh yeah I forgot I said that"

Patroclus rolled his eyes tiredly, "whatever, what were you going to say?"

"holidays"

Wow, how profound. holidays. "yes what about them?"

"you're coming home with me," Achilles said, suddenly serious

"I'm aware" he replied 

"just checking"

"I talked to my dad about how we're going to get there, he's going to get one of his drivers to take us to one of the houses, and then we should be alone for a few days before other people start coming. my mum will be coming but I'm not sure when." the blonde began to explain at that rapid speed of theirs

"And I know you're not her biggest fan but trust me- she's just slow to warm up to new people"

Yeah, he wasn’t her biggest fan. He tried not to cringe at the thought of Thetis spending Christmas with him. He was certain she was going to be telling Achilles how awful he was the entire time. Thetis always did. ‘He’s not good enough’ was a common phrase whenever Thetis had the displeasure of spotting Achilles trying to entertain Patroclus. He remembered her telling him years ago how Achilles would soon grow bored. He wondered what she thought now. Did she still think Achilles would grow bored? Would she accept that Achilles liked Patroclus? liked him maybe a bit too much? probably not

"right-" he answered after a minute of silence

"oh and- you're gonna share a room with me because I don't see why we would bother with having separate rooms at this point", you know?"

He couldn’t help but smile a little at that. So what if Thetis would be rude and negative toward him? He still got to sleep with Achilles. Not in the way he wanted but hey, baby steps.

"right..."

"And- I want you to hang out with me every day- I know my cousins will be there but you can just ignore them, I don't like them that much anyway. There's also going to be a formal party, I'm taking you as my date"

"formal- date??" he swallowed thickly. well fuck

First of all, Achilles hadn't mentioned this before, and excuse him if he was wrong but Patroclus thought he should have been given at least TWO months warning in advance. He didn't have any money, clothes, or knowledge of how to dance 'formally'. Would there be dancing? probably, rich people like dancing in fancy suits and dresses. At least over here, they do. He had a feeling that twirling Achilles around and just kind of rocking on one spot with him wouldn't be considered 'acceptable dancing'. Shame. second of all, date? Of course, he wanted to be the one on a date with Achilles and he really really wanted to just do it, just one time but there was a small voice in the back of his head reminding him that it would only break his heart more.

Achilles tilted his head and smiled fondly "Not that sort of date idiot, I just mean you're my plus one, it's all dancing food, and networking anyway."

"and I don't get a say in if I want to be your date?"

"do you not?"

"no I do- I can take you out on a date- I mean to the party... as a date" he was making a fool out of himself. He was not okay with it. He was. Achilles liked that he was a fool.

they seemed satisfied by that and looked away "That's what I thought"

"Anyway, I have a lot planned for us to do when we get there so I hope you're excited"

"...of course"

"and don't forget- I have a modeling gig in January with my mother- you need to be there for emotional support or whatever, and just before that I think I'm going to release my songs on the first of January."

"right modeling thing- I'll be there. anyway- you're releasing the songs?"

"the company I have a deal with wants me to, they're going to announce the release on the first of December. isn't that cool?"

"I guess so. Can I hear them before you release them all?"

"yeah, I'm recording some of my own private versions for you, so you can have the special version, not the official one"

that made him unreasonably soft. His own special versions. Because he himself was special. He wanted so badly to just kiss them senseless. When did they get so thoughtful? It was doing something to him. "...that's very sweet Achilles"

"yeah I know, I am very sweet"

"Mhm?" he grinned. 

"mhm. anyway, what do you think looks best on me?"  he asked as he held up two different shirts.

One was black, long-sleeved and form-fitting while the other was a dark blue plain shirt. He knew which one he preferred, and knew why he preferred it. maybe it was wrong of him but he liked it when Achilles wore form-fitting clothes, they had such a painfully pretty figure he didn't see why they wouldn't show it off. Not that he would ever ask. Achilles' ego was already far too big.

"black"

"Really? why?"

Their eyes had narrowed with what looked like suspicion for some reason. 

"uhh.. the black contrasts your hair," he mumbled tentatively, scared to give the wrong answer.

"and what do you think of y hair?"

"It's very nice"

"so I shouldn't dye it?"

He sat up at that, startled. He adored their blonde hair, and gods he would also adore it any other color but he knew blonde would always be his favorite. "absolutely not- you have such gorgeous hair don't ruin it-" he panicked, giving Achilles an unhappy look.

Achilles burst into laughter "I was just kidding. thanks though. your hair is quite nice too I guess"

"Oh har har, you're hilarious," he said sarcastically, feeling embarrassed about his overreaction, he leaned back down, frowning and avoiding, meeting the blonde's gaze

"I try"

"Oh you're very trying" he scowled

"Whatever, don't get all pouty. I'm gonna buy us some new clothes" 

"us?" 

"Mhm, I know what would look good on you. you look nice in your clothes but- I want to dress you up a few times, I know I could make you look really nice if you let me" 

"I always look really nice" he protested 

"Okay then really really nice" 

he rolled his eyes "Right... so what's outfit number one?" 

"Well to start you need dark wash jeans, not light blue. and like- darker colored tops. and maybe if you were okay with it like tighter tops" 

he scrunched his nose at that "So what a whole new wardrobe, and tight tops are... I don't know if I'd look good in the," 

"yes, new wardrobe because I'm your best friend and I'm helping you. And don't be silly- you're gonna look really handsome In the clothes I pick. boxing has helped you out a lot you know. a lot" 

"stop it, your being weird again" 

"I'm not I'm being honest" 

He came down to the bed where Patroclus was, sitting on the edge. His fingertips danced across Patroclus' abdomen fondly  "You're so... pat can I ask you something actually?" 

"Mhm?"

"...do you think- do you want me to break up with Deidamia?" 

 Patroclus looked up at him confusedly at that, he didn't really understand why they were asking truth be told. I mean did it even matter? Achilles and Deidamia looked good together, sounded good together, and did well together. the only reason he would want them to break up would be a very selfish one; so he could try his chances with Achilles guilt-free, But he knew he and Achilles weren't as good a couple anyway. not for reputation's sake at least. But then again he sometimes thought that he could make Achilles happier. He knew the most about Achilles and probably had the purest intentions. He couldn't care less about looks or their money or status- that's not why he wanted them. He knew he would be able to make them happier. He could- there wasn't anything Deidamia could do that he couldn't learn to also do anyway. apart from maybe sex. That might be a bit more difficult to learn. Not that he wouldn't try. Not If it was Achilles who was asking. Achilles was safe, he wouldn't mind giving him his first everything because he knew the other boy would cherish it, not just see it as a quick fuck which apparently half the people at this school consider it. 

He sighed and reached a gentle hand up to the boy's face to cup their jaw 

"I want you to be happy okay? if she's not making you happy break up with her, if she is then don't. I'm sticking around either way" 

"I know you're sticking around but- sometimes I think things would be different if I was single and you were a girl." 

"or I was a girl. either way" 

 His stomach dropped at that and his throat tightened. If he was a girl. Different. It wasn't something he hadn't also wondered late at night when Achilles was sleeping next to him, arms around him. If he was a girl it would be okay to tell everyone publically how much he wanted Achilles. Would thetis like him if he was a girl? would his dad like him? It was a bad thought. It was bad because he knew in an instant he would do anything to be a girl, that way he could kiss and touch and tease Achilles however he wanted, and he wouldn't have to hide how he felt.

It isn't fair,

"yeah it probably would be" 

he didn't want to dwell on that thought any longer. "come on, go buy yourself some new clothes. you can use my laptop if yours isn't charged. it's on my desk." he said in an attempt to distract

“Nah il do that later, I have to get ready to go to Chiron” 

“You're going to Chiron? Everything alright or is this more of a routine sort of thing” 

“routine”

”ah okay. Get dressed then out of …that” 

Achilles pouted at his reaction, apparently, the fact He didn’t think Achilles should wear the world's shortest shorts and a slightly too-small shirt that revealed his lower abdomen was offensive. I mean obviously, how dare he not want Achilles walking around practically half naked? 

“you're mean, this is a good outfit” 

“you look like a hooker, as much as I love you” 

“you’d like that wouldn’t you,” he said pettily as he got up and got changed anyway despite his protests

he rolled his eyes “Yeah I’d love it if you ran away into the sunset to follow your true callings as hooker in that ridiculous outfit”  he muttered sarcastically

Achilles flipped him off before checking his new outfit in the camera of his phone. He had changed into a slightly less revealing pair of shorts and one of the brunette's jumpers. 
“My jumper? Really?” 

“smells nice” 

“it smells like Me” he corrected 

“yeah no shit, that’s why it smells nice” 

He rolled his eyes “You didn’t even ask” 

“I don’t usually.” The blonde laid back down beside him on the bed, this time lying on their stomach. Achilles was messaging someone on his phone. Patroclus ran a hand gently up against the back of the blonde's thigh only stopping when he reached the hem of their shorts in an attempt to be respectful. They kicked out lightly and burst into a fit of laughter. That made him smile a bit. 

“Awww ticklish?” He teased, laughing when the blonde tried to roll away and needed up on a pile on the floor. 

“Idiot. Go on, go see Chiron.” 
the blonde scowled and got up, pausing to press a gentle not-so platonic kiss to Patroclus’ cheekbone before taking off. 

Patroclus placed his hand against the spot where he was kissed silently for about five minutes before snapping out of it. It was hard not to when he was kissed so carefully by someone he loved so much.

Chapter Text

Thursday 26th November 2023

On Thursday the school had decided to decorate for winter, a very excitable Achilles had dragged around a less excitable Patroclus to show him everything since it was his first Christmas at the school.

He had to admit he did enjoy all the wreaths and tinsel and flashing lights- all the pretty Christmas trees and window decor and random nativity scenes cropping up around the school, - the angels and candles and music were fun too. He probably would have enjoyed the whole thing a lot more if he hadn't been nervously sweating because Achilles had taken hold of his hand somewhere along his 'Christmas school decoration tour'

I mean really, he had no idea what to do or say when Achilles asked him about whatever the fuck he was showing him,

'yes Achilles that's a really fucking awesome tree, you know what else is awesome? the fact you're currently holding my hand in public and have knocked the air out of me! I feel like I can't breathe! you're really fucking hot and it's making me sick!' didn't seem like an appropriate response.

It got to a certain point that when someone asked if he was alright- Odysseus, an older boy, he only managed to get out a weak, confused 'im being touched by him- isn't that great?' while pointing at Achilles who had walked away momentarily to get a drink from the water fountain. Odysseus had looked over to who he was pointing at and laughed. Patroclus' flustered, sweating, nervous state had only made the older boy laugh harder.

It was only when Odysseus left with a cheeky grin and Achilles had come back from the water fountain to ask why he was talking to Odysseus that he realized that no, it wasn't great. He had just told Achilles' friend that Achilles was touching him and it was great. Unfortunately, Odysseus probably interpreted touching as something far more inappropriate than holding hands.

Something a lot more like a handjob, blowjob, or just straight-up fucking.

He just insinuated that Achilles was fucking him. Or that he was fucking Achilles.

...awesome.

That night he had a nervous breakdown mid-shower and prayed for five minutes straight that Achilles didn't catch word of the supposed 'great touching' he did to Patroclus. He wasn't sure how he could explain what he had meant by that without accidentally confessing to Achilles. 

Lord knows he was a mess for that boy.

Saturday 28th November 2023

Today after the incident with Odysseus not so long ago, Patroclus had decided that he needed to seek help for the clear issues he seemed to be having with handling what appeared to be his first real crush, or first love. Maybe his last love, no one could compare to Achilles.

Whatever it was- he was fucked, fucked completely.

He had almost kissed Achilles earlier this morning.

He just felt like doing it. They looked so beautiful playing their guitar and singing for him again. He couldn't remember the lyrics, only a few sentences here and there,

Bright are the stars that shine, dark is the sky....

this love of mine will never die?

something along those lines anyway.

He had meant to see Chiron in the morning but ended up wasting his entire day fawning over Achilles which is why he was currently approaching Chiron's office quietly, he didn't have to be quiet. No one was currently in this area of the school, nevertheless, he kept quiet until he was in the office and in front of Chiron who was dutifully sipping on some tea.

"We need to talk" he stated boldly.

"I've heard those words before, what can I do for you?"

"well- Bri and Achilles are... cool now. We're all" he paused. Achilles and Briseis were still a little icy at times but at least they were getting there..? They were friends upon occasion..? "Friends. we're friends," he settled on.

"how come?"

"I made everything up with Bri and told her that uh- Achilles didn't consent to the older girl, she felt awful for throwing it in his face. He doesn't know I told her, and I know that was bad of me but it was the only way, I'm sorry" he rushed out "I don't want to talk about that part though- I'm here because of something else"

"You're right that was bad of you, at least you're self-aware I guess?" he paused and sighed "Carry on with what you want to talk about"

"thank you. ok, also-" he struggled for a second.

"Sometimes I have like these thoughts about someone like- things I want to do to them, and how like- I guess I want to be their boyfriend"

Chiron gave him a confused look so he continued

"they make me feel weird. The person I mean, not the thoughts. I just- I don't think I've ever felt this way about anyone before. They make me like nervous and sick but like- happy? They make me happy. I think I like them. I mean they're funny and beautiful and talented and- they're just so amazing to me. I never get bored of them, they care about me and the gods- it's ruining my life. I can't stop thinking about them or staring at them, I just want them so badly, it's awful. and scary because- I can't- do I tell them? what am I meant to do?"

"well it sounds to me like you have a pretty big crush," they said thoughtfully after letting the boy's words sink in

"a confession might give you some closure?"

"They're a boy," he replied, raising his eyebrows as if this was some big shock.

"And? Patroclus, is that why you're here because you're gay?"He said this half confused, little did Patroclus know, Chiron had been convinced the boy in front of him was gay since day one. 

"No. I know they wouldn't get mad at me for liking boys but- it feels wrong sometimes when I think about it" he had no idea how to explain how he felt properly. He sat quietly for a minute before attempting to phrase it better

"I'm scared if I dated them I wouldn't be able to be a good boyfriend because I would not be able to stop thinking how wrong I'm being by dating them. Internalized homophobia or something"

Chiron softened at that.

"oh Patroclus", his voice was a quiet hum, his eyebrows had knitted together. 

"I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and it's okay to struggle with them. It's important to recognize that internalized homophobia is a result of societal pressures and negative messages, not a reflection of your worth or identity. Everyone deserves to love and be loved, including you." 

"and if this boy is as amazing and caring as you say he is, I'm sure he will understand that alright? If he does reciprocate your feelings you should explain how it might take you time to get used to being with a boy, that you're not ready straight away to openly date. You're young, confess, take it slow, and build trust. I'm sure it will be fine okay? Just see how it goes and work from there, you might find your experience isn't how you were expecting it to be" 

"and if he rejects me?" 

"Then you get closure. Closure is important for properly moving on. There are lots of boys out there Patroclus, don't stay hung up on the wrong one" 

"They're not the wrong one" he snapped 

Chiron raised his eyebrows "Pretty defensive there Patroclus." 

"Sorry. I just- they mean a lot to me. I feel like they are the only good person left sometimes. I know it's not true but- I just- It's stressful having feelings for someone out of my league. I don't want to lose them" 

"Why, young love, I remember it- very stressful business. Lots of interesting experiences." he hummed "Well, my advice for that is that feelings change okay? it might not always be like that. and if it is? maybe you got lucky and found your soulmate or something- I don't know. Either way, I'm still going to be here, ready to help every step of the way whenever you need me, okay? Even if it's four am on a Tuesday morning or something." 

"noted" 

"I think- okay how should I tell them" 

"However you feel most comfortable telling them you have a crush on them" 

"Maybe a note or something so I don't have to be there for their initial reaction? kinda lame tho-" 

"no it's not lame, do what you feel safe doing okay? Leave a gift for them, a note, whatever. Hell, leave it anonymous if you're that scared, just go at your pace okay?" 

"Okay. I think I can do that" 

"good lad" 

"Now, a question of my own is this boy uh... how to put this. do I know this boy..?  Is he possibly uh... blonde, green-eyed, and your roommate?" his voice was full of suspicion and concern

Patroclus faltered at that, how was he even meant to respond?

"wow look at the time," he said with fake shock.

"... it's four pm Patroclus." 

"...dinner" he shrugged

"dinners but for a few hours" 

"... it's getting dark outside" 

"sunsets at half five" 

"I... I am leaving now" He got up, chair scraping against the floor as he tugged the door open and accidentally bashed it off the wall

"Patroclus?" a singular eyebrow was raised and he sounded baffled 

"Goodbye. Uh, happy holidays?" he said feeling increasingly embarrassed

"Patroclus." he sighed, voice deadpan

he waved, face bright red before dashing off back to his dorm.

Chiron sighed tiredly, getting up, closing the door, sitting back down, and taking a sip of his tea. "clocked it" he muttered, setting his tea down to rub his temples tiredly, 

Monday 30th , November 2023

On Monday he spent the evening with Briseis studying. Not really studying. They were gossiping under the cover of 'studying'.

Not gossiping.

Briseis wasn't gossiping, she was just 'informing' him of what she overheard in the bathrooms of the science block

"yeah well- that's what she said, she said that they had been caught at a party... you know"

"house party or-?"

"no, a formal party. one her father's company threw"

he gasped dramatically at that "No way."

He was just pretending to be surprised. He didn't care about this girl or whatever scandal she had caused, he was just waiting for a quiet moment to tell her his plan on how he was going to ask Achilles to be his boyfriend. 

Boyfriend. 

 Fuck it was scary even thinking the word. 

boyfriends.

"yes, way. Anyway- when I came out of my stall they asked if I knew anything about her, I don't, and neither do you apparently but guess who does know-" Briseis said smugly as if she had just made the greatest discovery of the century. 

"Achilles?"

"Exactly, when did you say he was getting here?"

"no idea," he said. 

There was silence for a moment as Briseis reached for her phone. He took it as his chance to very loudly exclaim his news.

"I'm confessing in a few days"

She stared at him blankly for a moment before it seemed to click in place what he meant. Her face went from one of confusion to concern, to judgment to shock. She seemed dumbfounded by this before she let out a very excited

"shut up"

"no really!" he mumbled sheepishly

"Oh my gosh! That's so exciting" Her voice was practically a squeal

At least she seemed happy for him. He needed some extra support if he was going to pull this off.

"I know. I'm writing him a letter and leaving it in his locker" he halted his words awkwardly before blurting out another piece of information
"you know in his desk he has a collection of love letters and confessions from girls? I found it one day by accident"

Briseis let out a snort of laughter at that "fucking hell, he seems the type"

Oh, Achilles was the type. It would probably usually make Patroclus scoff had he found out anyone else did that but with Achilles? Nah, he didn't care. It was endearing. Achilles was so fucking perfect in his mind. Who cares if he's a little conceited, aren't we all?

"shut up, I just- imagine he puts mine there," he said embarrassedly.

That would probably be his worst nightmare. His worst nightmare used to be his dad but as he sat there blushing and laughing with Briseis he realized how scary rejections seemed. Of course, if he was rejected he would just tough it out and deal with it, but then again, that didn't soothe his nerves any. In the worst-case scenario, he supposed he would just have to pretend he was joking and call it a day. Not much he could do if he was rejected but laugh and try to move on.

"yours? no way, he's gonna kiss it every night and put it under his pillow before he sleeps." she teased. She had no idea how much he wanted that to happen. Just a little bit anyway.

"not even- that's so-... I could imagine him doing that" he admitted defeatedly. There was something very Achilles about sleeping with a love letter underneath your pillow.

"me too. Ew- its giving me the ick"

"no, it's just making me nervous"

"Gross, keep it in your pants, Pat"

"Bit hard when there's a picture of Achilles topless at the beach on the wall  behind you-" he joked back

Briseis whipped her head around, spotted the picture of Achilles and a friend at the beach shirtless, and let out a disgusted groan

"you and your boyfriend are so fucking gay"

"entry-level requirement to being boyfriends?" he said with a small smirk.

"I suppose. now time for the real question, how are you going to convince him in  this letter"

"what do you mean?"

"Are you gonna attach some topless pictures or something? maybe leave some cash in the envelope?" she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively

"no, I'm going to attach a photo of my dick Briseis, as you do when writing love letters" he said sarcastically feigning indifference

Briseis looked to the door and let out a howl of laughter. It seemed that Patroclus also happened to be very unlucky today too. Achilles had just walked in and seemed horrified by the notion that Patroclus was supposedly leaving noods in love letters.  "why are you showing people your dick and writing love letters" the blonde asked seeming appalled

He stared at them and sucked In a sharp breath, his face going red. Awkward.

"he's a romantic like that" Briseis answered. Achilles snickered at that, ruffling Patroclus's hair as he walked past the boy to dump his bag on a bed

"I'm sure they don't need to see.. the whole package on the first love letter, maybe just a photo of your arm or you shirtless or something. much more classy" the blonde mused

"yes because nudes are famously classy aren't they?" Patroclus said, still mortified by this entire conversation. 

"Mine are" shrugged the blonde

"How so?"asked Briseis

"Get a professional photographer to take them"

"...are you joking?" she questioned after a startled laugh

"Of course I am." he rolled his eyes "But noods should be a two-person job, gets the right angles. the only reason I haven't taken any"

"Pat can take them" Briseis suggested. Patroclus shot her a devastated expression.

Achilles snickered and looked back over his shoulder to the pair "I can't have him take them, I want the photos to be a surprise for when I send them to him" he said in an offended tone, he topped it off at an exaggerated wink at the end before Briseis wolf-whistled and clapped Patroclus on the shoulder.

"romantic..." she teased.

"You both are gross" Patroclus huffed 

"I don't need this stress" he rubbed at his temples helplessly. 

"sex is  good relief for stress," Achilles said matter of factly 

"go fuck yourself" 

"why wanna watch?" 

"Have you said that before? " The joke sounded vaguely familiar.

"no idea" 

Patroclus didn't stay awake much longer after that. Briseis had struck up a conversation about what she heard in the bathrooms with Achilles. Patroclus had laid his head in the blonde's lap and been lulled into sleep by them gently scratching at his scalp soothingly. 

He had a feeling Achilles wouldn't need a topless photo to be convinced, at least he hoped he didn't- he wasn't sure he could pull off the 'classy noods' that seemed to be Achilles' standard.

Chapter Text

Tuesday 1st December, 2023

He didn't see Achilles today, not even after dinner.

Patroclus only really grew concerned about the lack of Achilles' presence once evening hit and it seemed like Achilles had disappeared off the face of the earth. At that point, he had run to Chiron and Peleus for answers. Chiron wouldn't tell him where the blonde went, neither would Peleus. He had spent a fair amount of time going back and forth with them about this until both of the very tired men had forced them out of their offices. Next, he tried the reception for answers but Ms Vassiliou was nowhere to be found. She must leave once evening hits. He couldn't really blame her for going home but it didn't make her not being at school any less annoying. 

With no one willing to help him he was forced to give up and went to bed after spamming Achilles' phone with messages. 

His dorm was extra cold and dead that night.

His bed felt far too big for just him. Maybe it was childish but that night he slept with Achilles' shirt next to his face, not in a creepy way, he just felt anxious. It smelt like Achilles, Achilles was soothing and warm,

He knew Achilles would be safe, otherwise, Peleus wouldn't have been so calm. He would have told Patroclus if something was wrong. 

He would have, the old man liked Patroclus- treated him kindly when not many people would.

Wednesday 2nd of December, 2023

Today he still didn't see Achilles or get any texts back from the boy.  When he called Briseis once all their classes for the day were done to tell her everything, she came over to comfort him and try to reassure him nothing had happened.

He was curled up in bed miserably while she tried to keep him distracted. Any teasing that he was just homesick for his 'boyfriend' fell flat. She soon just curled up in bed beside him and played a film on his laptop in the hopes he would sit and watch.

He decided it would be a much better use of time if he spent his time defiantly staring at a picture of Achilles on the wall opposite and rejected the film. Gods,  He missed them. He fell asleep out of pure exhaustion from the sleepless night before around seven pm.

Thursday 5th of December 2023

Briseis stayed over today as well.

Only at 8 pm did Achilles come back. He froze when he saw Patroclus lying in bed, puffy-eyed and listening to Briseis talk about nothing. When Patroclus finally laid his eyes on who had burst into his dorm he didn't hesitate to spring up from the bed, accidentally shoving Briseis (sorry Bri) and practically knocking Achilles over.

He felt a pathetic surge of sadness and loneliness when he finally made contact with them. He could hear Achilles' laugh, then the smile in his voice when he asked if Patroclus was crying. Yes Achilles, he was crying, he could smell them. He could feel them. He was sobbing uncontrollably.

He hated being walked out on like that. Briseis had said earlier it was probably due to trauma from his father and mother- hell maybe even the past bullying.

He didn't know if it was true, either way, he knew one thing- he wasn't ever letting Achilles leave him like that again. He didn't think he had ever been so worked up about spending time away from Achilles before. His nose was stuffed and his throat raw as Achilles gently guided him back onto the bed. Briseis gave Achilles a warning look before excusing herself to the bathroom.

Achilles took his time gently rubbing up and down Patroclus' back and pressing soft kisses into his hair until he somewhat calmed down, left reduced to a snotty-nosed, sniffling mess.

He didn't have the energy to feel embarrassed anymore.

"you left" his voice sounded croaky and raw to his own ears; it was disgustingly thick with emotion that made his stomach churn.

"I know"

"I thought- no one would tell me why" his lip wobbled "Achilles that's really fucking scary for me-"

"it was a few days Patroclus," he said guiltily

"I'm sick of people just leaving me with no explanation!" he snapped. He felt childish and silly for admitting it but there was a part of him, a very small part that had been scared Achilles was walking out on him.

"Patroclus" he cradled his tear-soaked cheeks with a lovingly soft touch "Look at me"

He did as he was told.

Green and gold teasing and chasing each other in the depths of  Achilles' eyes. His eyelashes were stark black in comparison to his blonde hair. He was wearing mascara.

"where were you" he said hoarsely

"my... mother made me come to record the songs I've written at the studio and do a promo shoot. I didn't know it was going to take so long. I thought she just wanted to discuss it all over lunch or something, not make like three days out of it. I didn't even bring my phone, it's still in my desk draw."

"no one would tell me where you were" his voice was still accusatory but there was no real heat to it, only a few broken cries

"They didn't know what I was doing, only that I was with Mother. She also has strict orders that any business involving her isn't to be told to you"

"but you tell me..?"

"yes because she is my mother and I love her but I am not scared of her. I don't let her boss me around when it comes to you. shes not even allowed to talk to me about you at the moment"

He let out a watery laugh. Thetis being told off about Patroclus. Funny. She was going to eat him alive over the holidays, if Achilles sticking up for him hadn't pissed her off he didn't know what would.

"Please don't leave again. I really don't like it"

"I know."

he kisses the space between his eyebrows lightly "Silly. I'm never leaving forever."

"felt like forever"

"two nights..?"

"It's cold when you're not in bed with me"

"There are heaters"

"don't care, that's not what I meant"
he sighed softly

"... I know"

"Okay"

"okay?"

"..okay"

Achilles gently dried his face and peppered kisses all over his skin, especially his jaw. The blonde had flinched slightly at first, pulling away to look at his face properly

"you have stubble"

"I know"

"I know but-"

"does it hurt?"

"no just-" he stared at Patroclus, really stared.

"kinda scary how old we're getting, no?!"

"I'm not scared. I'm just glad you're here"

"... I guess"

"you think you'll ever grow it out?"

"maybe when we leave here. I'm too young to try to grow a beard"

"loads of people here do-"

"Whatever, carry on"

Achilles laughs at this and continues to pepper kisses along his face, taking his time to capture every stretch of skin with his soft lips.

Eventually, he forces Achilles off of himself, just in time for Briseis to come back, she doesn't say much just hands Patroclus a glass of water which he gratefully gulps down.

Briseis eventually went back to her dorm and Patroclus held Achilles extra tight that night. He waited until he thought Achilles was asleep to whisper how sorry he was for loving them the way he did.

With his head tucked into the blonde's neck, he wasn't able to see the fact that their eyes were open, and their lips parted gently.

It didn't matter really. He had done this in secret about 100 times.

Achilles never mentioned it. It was something to be kept secret under the cover of feigned sleeping and darkness. It was fine.

Friday 6th of December 2023

Today he spent his whole day lazing around with Achilles. He was more than content to listen to them ramble about the last few days. Especially when they were sat in just boxers in front of the mirror because it was hot in the room. 

Gods, it was so hard sometimes. He was so gorgeous. He made a promise to himself that if his letter confession Chiron suggested went well he would take his time slowly with Achilles, but when it seemed a polite time and not 'I confessed so I could lose my virginity to you' time he was going to try absolutely every possible sexual act with him. He had heard some other students talking about things they had done. It may have been weird of him but he took a mental note to try every single thing because fuck- they all sounded pretty great. 

He ended the day with his head in Achilles' lap while they petted and gently pulled on his hair soothingly. 

Gods he was so blessed.

Saturday 7th December 2023

This morning Achilles had woken him up to excitedly show him tickets he had bought to a show at a theater in a nearby city. He had then promptly explained for the next two hours about how much he just needed to go. And how he couldn't go without Patroclus because it was rainy and cold and he didn't like going out alone.

This is how Patroclus ended up watching a play he had no idea about in a dimly lit, mostly empty theater.

It's also how Achilles succumbs to the warm theater air and background noise of awkward, lesser-trained actors, and falls asleep on Patroclus.

The play lasts about an hour and a half long.

Patroclus claps loudly to make up for the lack of audience. Achilles only stirs huffily before getting up.

He whines about Patroclus letting him sleep and missing the whole play the entire time up until when they step outside and are showered in icy drops of rain.

They find refuge from the (for now) light pitter-patter of rain that washes the cobbled streets a dark color and fills the air with an earthy smell of wet stone in a large cafe. The cafe is bustling and lively; the lights above are a warm orange color that shower everything below it in gentle amber, there's a stage and dancefloor where a band of old-looking men play their instruments and sing for the equally old couple dancing happily on the wooden dancefloor the air smells like incense and most the furniture is wooden. It's warm and cozy.

Patroclus likes it here, this was his sort of area. He could see himself, maybe in the future coming to drink coffee and study here. Briseis would like the music and people. He'd have to double-check the name of this place once they leave.

They both order coffees, collect them, and take their seats at a booth near the stage, the leather is warm beneath his skin, obviously, someone had been sitting here not too long ago.

He takes a few sips of his coffee, very much trying to say something he will probably regret later. he has a knack for doing just that,

he does it anyway, despite his efforts to not do so.

"what's your type"

Achilles looks up from his coffee, confused and a little apprehensive

"Sorry?"

He winces and tries to act disinterested "just.. wondering"

"uh... I don't know? it varies I guess? I mean sexually and romantically it's different"

"Really?"

"yeah. I mean sexually it's just hot people, people with nice bodies you know? I don't have a preference for small details like skin or hair colours when it's just fucking"

"what about romantically"

"beautiful people"

he laughs a little but part of him aches at the sentence. he didn't think he was very pretty. his acne scars, defiant hair, and awkward mannerisms didn't exactly encapsulate an air of 'beauty' in his opinion

he settles on chiding them lightly and a small smile, he was embarrassed he was so hurt by that

"shallow."

"No like- there's certain people- certain person I look at and I think like holy shit. Do you know? not like I want to fuck them but like, the way they smile and laugh, the sound of their voice, their stupid hair- that's sorta thing. like their soul. and also the way they look, but idk. I just don't think anyone can quite capture their... essence the way they do. and their essence is beautiful. Genuinely. it's hard to explain when you don't feel that way about people. "

oh, he knows what its like to feel that way about someone. How easy it was to obsess over their... everything.

he kicks them lightly under the table"so... you don't fuck your 'romantic type'"

"I would if they let me"

he swallowed thickly and looked away 'Yeah, me too' is all he can think.

after sipping carefully on his drink he awkwardly attempts to deflect "My coffee's kind of cold"

"what's your type" he's quick to ignore Patroclus' complaint

"uhm. I don't know? I don't get crushes very easily"

"Never had one?"

"maybe a few?"

"Who?"

"uh.. a boy in my old biology class", it's all a lie of course, a not-so-carefully crafted cover. 

"What?" they wince at his words, blonde eyebrows knitted together. it makes him regret his words slightly.

"yeah uh, he has uhm. freckles. you don't have freckles" he slowly realized after that sentence that he wasn't exactly being convincing.

"I'm aware of that?"

"...good."

"My coffee's cold too," he concludes dryly, seemingly bored of Patroclus' blatant lie. Achilles doesn't like liars and doesn't like when Patroclus lies.

"lets dance"

"what?"

"dance with me."

"I don't know-"

"please? I miss getting to do things like this"

"you can do this with anyone"

"I miss doing this with people I like"

"right,"

"...Achilles-"

"please. I want to dance with you, not someone else"

"Whatever then. let's go I guess"

he awkwardly makes his way from the table to the small dance floor, trying to blend into the other couples twirling around them. He has to take deep breaths when Achilles positions his hands and arms properly. they are interlocked in some sort of half embrace, and before he knows it he's twirling chilles around and swaying side to side.

it's nice.

this is... nice.

He finds out rather quickly that he likes dancing, likes watching Achilles twirl underneath the dingy lights in the bustling cafe, likes how his eyes are lit up a strange colour, and how his hair seems more auburn now. He laughs. Really laughs. Achilles laughs too, he's so fucking happy. It feels romantic in a private, unspoken way.

Their eyelashes look darker in here, their lips redder than their usual pink.

Achilles slows down, and looks at Patroclus, saying something, something he cant hear because gods above, the music is gorgeous and Achilles looks ethereal.

Is Achilles going to kiss him? is that why they've stopped? Does he want Patroclus want him to kiss him? he can imagine it now, slow, gentle warm- the disgustingly sweet earthy taste that is Achilles pressed against his lips. He leans in about to do so when Achilles jerks back awkwardly.

That got his attention.

Achilles tugs on his arm annoyed, pulling him hastily out of the cafe. Usually Patroclus would shrug him off, maybe even snap at them- but not this time. the humiliation and upset that seem to consume everything within him eats away at any anger he might feel. Why had Achilles rejected him? he had been so close to giving the boy what he wanted, why?

His eyes feel wet, his face feels wet. is it the rain outside or his tears? probably both judging by the freezing cols invading his skin and the agonizing pain in his heart, Call him dramatic but no one can deny how painful it is to be rejected by the person you love most. It doesn't even sting anymore, just aches, his heart aches. it burns. He wants to be their boyfriend. Why had it taken dancing with them for him to realize how bad he just... wanted to be their boyfriend, wants to take them out on casual, mundane outings in the rain? wants to share cold coffee and talk about nothing with them.

He hasn't even realized they've stopped until Achilles is pleading his name quietly and has cupped his cheeks with those warm, soft hands.

"what?"

"why are you crying?"

"I really wanted to- i-"

"what?"

"I wanted to uhm..."

they have no idea what he is talking about

"what? Achilles- you flinched away from me when I-"

"there were people taking photos- I thought you might like to get away"

"photos?"

"yep."

he let out a sigh of relief. So it wasn't rejection, just photos

"what happens when someone decides to become a teenage heartthrob" he mumbled dejectedly, he prodded their waist and they smiled a little confusedly

"i'm the heartthrob?"

"you're on magazines and you get deals and- there's fan accounts of you for Christ's sake, only gonna get worse when you release music-"

"aww... you think I'm a heartthrob!"

!is it not like... your whole thing? hot nepo-baby who occasionally models and is ... releasing music..?"

"yeah but- that's what my mother thinks is best to get me recognition, it's all an act- I don't care about it. what I do care about is whether or not you would still label me a heartthrob if I wasn't famous. would you?"

He knows his answer to that, it comes easily, as most things do when he's with Achilles. "of course" he bumps his nose into theirs, at some point their face had got impossibly close to his in a short amount of time.

"that's funny. your pretty nice yourself"

he laughs at that "Mhm? couldn't tell"

"then you must be blind" he hugged them close to his body "I'm sorry. I didn't realize people would recognize me. I just wanted to dance with you"

"It's fine. I- I'm just glad we got to uhm.."

"Yeah"

he kisses the side of his neck, ever so slightly- the touch is so light Patroclus almost thinks he imagined it

"come on, lets get going hm? I want to go shopping"

"mm.. alright, Achilles?"

"Yeah"

"you looked really beautiful dancing"

Achilles stares at him silently, taking a step back. His lips have parted in surprise but he quickly recovered. he smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He grabs the brunette's hand and raises it to his lips, pausing to thank him.

By the time they had finished shopping and finally gotten home Achilles was all tired out. it didn't take long for the blonde to tug Patroclus into bed and fall asleep. Once had done so Patroclus had stared at the ceiling silently listening to Achilles' soft breaths. 

In 

Out

In

Out. 

He looked down at them and smiled.

Tomorrow he would write his stupid letter. 

He didn't sleep much that night. Part of him kept asking himself 'What if the letter goes wrong and he hates it? What if I never get to hold him like this again?' 

Guess he'd find out tomorrow.

Chapter Text

P A T R O C L U S  M E N O E T I D E S

Monday 9th December 2023

Things felt strange now with Achilles. Suddenly sharing the bed at night led to increasingly.. hard (if you will), problems in the mornings. Seeing Achilles laugh or smile had him flushing like there was no tomorrow, hearing him sing would have him watching all lovesick a few inches away. The point was that he couldn't be normal without betraying himself and acting all in love which left him with two options, 

continue to be painfully gross and soppy and hold it all in 

OR 

finally write that letter like he said he would, give Achilles the letter, and pray to anyone listening Achilles gives him closure. 

or even better, a really heated make-out session and a confession back. 

it's hard being painfully committed and loyal to someone you're not allowed to kiss or even touch as a teenager. It sucks. Hormones suck, love confessions suck. getting all hot and bothered by seeing your best friend in running shorts sucked. Golden bronzed legs sucked. Achilles Pelides sucked- no, that's what Patroclus wished he did. 

Anyway, that's how he came to be in the library, writing a love letter to his best friend at six am.

It's funny how easy it is to pick up a pen, sit at a library desk, and write every single intimate feeling he can describe on an A4 piece of paper as if the words aren't baring his soul and heart. He had expected a struggle, an inability to articulate his feelings, a loss of words- none of that occurred though. Sure his letter felt weirdly raw and clunky when he read it back but it was real. Real was best in this situation and as far as he is concerned, first draft=best draft. 

And so that's how he wrote his letter. 

Stupidly full of love, awkward, and clunky. Ink smudged on the paper, crinkles where he had creased and fidgeted with the corners anxiously.

A C H I L L E S  P E L I D E S. 

Monday 9th December 2023 

Achilles Pelides liked to wake up early. He enjoyed capturing the world around him in a quiet almost frozen state, he adored smelling the crisp, cold air and listening to the early morning birds. 

He also liked watching Patroclus still asleep when he got the chance. Those gorgeous brown locks curled against that sable skin. Those plush lips and onyx eyes. Maybe it was wrong but there had been a few times he had pressed his own lips to the brunettes while they slept. Just a chaste peck- the only thing that kept him sane these days. Gods, that boy was so... unreal to him. 

He had told his mother of the secret kissing in a moment of insecurity and she had gone on a rant about how common Patroclus was, how he didn't deserve to dirty Achilles with his filthy hands or mouth, how no one did. They had argued that day. He loved his mother deeply but there were times when she seemed so devoid of love for some of the world's greatest beauties because all things considered, Patroclus was hauntingly beautiful. How could anyone not love him or at the very least admire him? I mean sure, he wasn't excessively out of this world but there was something so soft and human about him—besides, amazing back muscles. Boxing had suddenly become Achilles' favourite thing of late. Muscles, fuck. 

Anyhow, this morning he did not get to kiss Patroclus in secret or watch them sleep in silence, didn't get to admire them and whisper things too impure to speak aloud. Patroclus was gone. Which, was strange. 

And annoying.

He didn't like Patroclus doing things without telling him. It was rude and he hated the idea that the brunette was out doing something with or for someone else. So fucking rude. 

He sighed as he got up and began to get ready. 

He would always need help understanding his Patroclus. it was infuriating. Achilles knew he was the best looking in this school, he had plenty of people to remind him- boys and girls alike. Not to mention he was on track for fame, a large inheritance, and, if he dares to say so, he's the most talented and wanted person in this shit-hole school. Oh- and how could he forget?! Humble too!

It was for all those reasons he couldn't figure out why Patroclus liked to play so hard to get. He had hinted and teased and slipped in the occasional dirty comment in the hopes that the fucking idiot would eventually give him what Achilles needed. he had even begged. Begged. He would never humiliate himself like that for anyone else. Yet, unfortunately for him, even begging didn't win the brunette over.

He finished tying his hair up just to get it off his neck and checked his phone. Too many messages. no way would he read them all. Only a few, everyone else could wait. 

Deidamia: Hey, miss you :(. What are we? your hardly ever see me these days. heard a taster of one of your songs, if you wanted to kiss me so badly should have just said x 

Now usually he wouldn't even bother responding. He didn't love Deidamia. He hardly even liked her. At the end of the day, she was just kind of funny and slightly pretty.

He thought she was better looking in the dark when they were fucking.

It was the last part of the message that really pissed him off enough to reply, however. He did not want her to ever think Patroclus' songs were about her. She wasn't worthy of that.

Achilles: I didn't write that for you/I don't want to kiss you, I haven't in months. you know what we are, I fuck you and let you hang around with me sometimes. it's how it always is. 

Deidamia: oh fuck you. we're friends at the minimum. and we haven't even fucked in like a while 

Achilles: boohoo. 

Deidamia: funny. 

Achilles: thanks. 

Next message. 

mommy: Achilles, must you write all your songs on love? Write something else, I'm not asking, I'm telling you. You know how I feel about sloppy romantics. Love you baby.

This was from a few weeks ago when he had sent some song lyrics. he hadn't bothered replying, at the time- he didn't care what his mother felt.

mommy: one attachment. 

A picture of Thetis, one the world hadn't been allowed to see. her and Achilles playing at the beach together. she was smiling. That was back when she liked to take him everywhere. He had replied with 'love you Mommy. I miss that'. She had left him on open. he had to leave class for that one just to cry a bit. In public he would call his mommy mother, he would talk about her secretively, hold his tongue, and try speak about her as if their relationship was nothing more than business. but in private, he missed her more than anything. Part of him wished he could just be seen as 'her little boy' in her eyes again, and not some fame opportunity. Not that he would ever tell anyone. 

he sighed glumly as he read her message from a few days ago. funnily enough, he knew he would be back in the record studio again. She loved hearing his voice and singing along with him. her voice wasn't as well trained or soft as his though.

mommy: Achilles don't bother coming back to the record studio, I told you not so many love songs. You're better than that! So fucking disappointed. 

The most recent message was from today. His stomach dropped a little pathetically when he read it.

mommy: Hi baby. I know you wanted me to come to Peleus' house this holiday. Might not be able to, sorry baby.

Part of him wanted to say 'fuck you, you promised' but he didn't. He should have known her career would prevent her from spending some time with him. 

He left her on opened. 

He hated when she called him baby while being mean. He looked at the other numbers saved to his phone, all full of messages for him to read. He didn't read them. Too early for that.

Eventually after finishing getting ready and ensuring he looked good, he headed out for breakfast. He didn't stay long, he wasn't exactly in the mood to hang around with his 'friends'. God- they were so exhausting sometimes. He missed Patroclus. He was far more interesting. ..And easy on the eyes. Gosh- all Achilles thought about was how Patroclus looked. How unfair it was that the stupid boy wouldn't just stop being 'nice' or 'respectful' and just fuck Achilles senseless. Achilles had to resist banging his head against the table. Why did Patroclus have to turn him down every time? He had tried going slow for the brunette, tried to make out with him and not go so fast to scare him off but apparently, Patroclus considered Achilles version of baby steps (kissing) very scary. No matter, he'd get there soon. Probably. And when he did you can rest assured he was scrapping the whole 'baby steps' thing. He wasn't shy, Patroclus should expect that from him. 

He left breakfast when Deidamia had pointed out the flush on his face caused by some less than pure thought about his bestfriend. fuck her. She's pathetic anyway. 

He could hear her laughter and tease when she hissed 'missing your boyfriend?' in his ear. What did she know about boyfriends. she hadn't even had a real one yet. 

He sighed heavily and slightly dramatically as he headed down to the lockers, turning the combination code on his own locker and pulling the door open maybe a bit too aggressively. He had to let out an agitated groan when a letter fluttered down from a shelf. He really wasn't in the mood to read another 'I think you're really cute, would you go out with me?' note. Not interested. He was going to throw it out when he realized who's writing it was on the outside. he knew those slants and curves, knew the faint scribbly handwriting. Patroclus? funny. 

he smirked at the piece of paper, shutting his locker door and leaning against it as he read over the letter with a perfectly kept, raised eyebrow. The bustling noise of locker doors shutting, shoes squeaking, and rowdy chit-chat of his schoolmates was drowned out by the beating of his heart he could hear echoing in his ears. 

He felt himself laugh again a little nervously as he opened the letter. 

Yep. Patroclus alright, with endearingly messy handwriting and dumb spelling mistakes he made when writing too fast. His alright. The slant. The cologne. 

Who had taught him the cologne trick? Deidamia? He snickered a little imagining Deidamia and Patroclus talking about how to write Achilles love letters. 

dorks. 

Dear Achilles,

Classic. It's his name after all. Dear, bit formal.

I’ve been trying to find the right words for so long, and even now, I’m not sure if this letter will truly capture everything I feel. But I need to say some things, and I hope you’ll understand. I’ve been wanting to tell you this for a long time, but every time I try, the words get stuck in my throat. So, I thought maybe writing it down would be easier.

His heart thumps erratically and his throat feels thick all of a sudden. He looked up suspiciously to make sure no one could tell what he was doing. If the burning on his face and churning in his stomach was anything to go by they probably could guess what he was doing.

It wasn't uncommon for him to receive these types of letters but lord- he had never got nervous or flustered by them. 

I don't think I've ever been able to look at someone and like everything about them, everyone but you. There's something strange abut about you, you're beautiful, out of this world beautiful- and I know everyone tells you that daily but I truly mean it. Every time I see you I'm alway always a little bit winded by how your skin glows or your hair waves, how your eyes are so green and your teeth so white. it's weird because I don't think many things can bring me joy just by looking at them. (you do though). It's not just that though, being around you feels like home, and it scares me how much I need that feeling.

He grinned at the first part, Patroclus had called him beautiful before but this felt different. It made his heart swell. Patroclus thought he was out of this world. God. he was going to give that boy so much love. (and ground-breaking, earth-shattering, mind-blowing sex. sorry, it's been on his to-do list for a few months now)

The last part however 'you feel like home and it scares me how much I need that feeling' confused him a little. he skipped past it and decided to decode what it meant later.

I don't think there's been many people who I love or who love me, you are one of few. I'm not sure why you seem to like me so much but i hope it never changes because I might be a little bit in love with you. I know this might come as a surprise, and I don’t want to make things awkward between us. But I couldn’t go on without telling you how I really feel.

I’m in love with you, Achilles.

He let out an audible gasp at that and had to look away from the letter, pressing it to his chest. Gods- he felt so giddy. He loved him. Was in love with him. Stupid boy. Stupid fucking boy. He wanted to eat them, no one had ever had him so desperate. It was so romantic. I mean sure-he would appreciate a faster pace but hey, this was great too. How he expected Achilles to just go to class after reading this was a mystery. 

I have been for a while now. I don’t expect you to feel the same way, and I understand if you need time to process this. I just had to let you know because keeping it inside was becoming too much to bear. I don't want to waste more and more days thinking 'what if', don't want to waste more time too scared to even hold hands with you afraid of being too forward. 

He scoffed. Of course, he felt the same way, it wasn't as if he had purposely done things for the idiot's attention for ages. The Halloween costume thing was definitely for Patroclus. Sitting in his lap to do his makeup was for Patroclus. 

hell- the only reason that girl at the party got close is because he thought that the costume had finally won Patroclus over and it was him getting handsy with Achilles. He paused at that and looked away, his mood suddenly less ecstatic. He didn't want to ruin this moment thinking of that. this was about Patroclus loving him. Not that girl. He let out a shaky breath and kept reading.

I would really like to hold hands if you'll let me.

oh my god, what a dork.

Whatever happens, I hope we can still be friends. You mean the world to me, and I don’t want to lose you.

Yours always.

Achilles read the letter four more times before he paused and noticed something odd. Yours always and no signature...? 

he couldn't figure out for the life of him why he hadn't signed it, it was so painfully obvious the letter was written by Patroclus? Was that why he hadn't signed it? no... Achilles didn't think so anyway. Patroclus wouldn't bother not signing it for such a dumb reason. he knew that boy too well.

The happiness of knowing Patroclus loves him is tempered by a gnawing worry. He stares at the blank space where a signature should be, his mind racing with questions and doubts.

Maybe Patroclus didn't sign it because he was embarrassed? That kind of made sense. Patroclus was sweet, this letter could have been written as an 'I love you, but I don't want you' type of thing. his heart sank and his fingers trembled, his arms fell to his sides, letter clutched in one hand in a vice-like grip. he glowered at the girl at the locker opposite hers. She smirked and walked off. fucking bitch. 

It was so unfair. For a moment he thought Patroclus might actually want to go through onto the next stage of whatever fucked up friendship this is. Clearly, he didn't. He obviously just wanted this to be a sign that he wasn't ready, because if he couldn't even sign his name to a private confession how could he then go and tell people he was dating Achilles? maybe it was the coming out part. god he hopes so, he was swallowed by an unimaginably fierce pain by the thought of Patroclus really just being embarrassed of Achilles instead of being embarrassed about being gay. Achilles would do anything for the fucking idiot. Why couldn't he just give him this? Give himself over to Achilles? 

He shook his head. 

Fine if Patroclus wasn't ready he would go back to loving him in silence and playing the long game. He carefully folded the paper and slid it into his uniform pocket.

P A T R O C L U S  M E N O E T I D E S

Monday 9th December 2023

The first time he saw Achilles after leaving the letter in Achilles' locker was at lunch. The boy had given him a warm smile and offered a seat at his lunch table for Patroclus. 

The brunette had stuttered out an awkward decline which made the blonde laugh. Briseis, who was standing next to Patroclus and unfortunately for her, had to listen to Patroclus rant about his letter all day, gently led Patroclus somewhere quiet to sit down as soon as Achilles walked away. 

For the life of him he had no idea what that reaction meant. 

"well he's obviously not angry Pat-"

"for fucks sake Bri! nothing is that easy with him, he's definitely just making fun of me, that's why he laughed-"  he despaired in hushed, anguished tones

"he laughed because you started stuttering. you don't help your case when you get all shy and giddy the second he talks to you" 

"he's so pretty, did you see his hair it was-" 

"yes his hair was tied up, amazing Patroclus." her voice dripped with unimpressed sarcasm  "Look, he probably just didn't wanna talk about it in public alright?  stop thirsting over him and panicking about him and Jesus- don't fucking cry." 

"tears of joy. he's so hot. I told him I like him. he hasn't rejected me yet and he looks so sexy-" 

"for fucks sake he hasn't said yes yet either. now shut up. is your homework done for the last period?" 

"...no" 

"the writing club you've been avoiding like the plague?" 

"...no" 

"and how long ago since you practice boxing?" 

"uhm not super long ago" 

"Liar"

"Maybe. Can you blame me? I've been preoccupied with bigger things" 

"Oh and Achilles is bigger than your grades?"  she reprimanded

"Not sure. My grades are on an A4 piece of paper. Amazing as he is, I reckon hes a bit hard pushed to be bigger than that-" 

"stop it that's disgusting" 

"your the one asking.." 

"I didn't mean his dick size??!?? I like you better when you're panicking" she snarled 

"I like you better when you didn't try to make out with me for no reason..." 

she slapped his arm at that. 
"fuck off. let's do our homework so we don't get detention?" 

"ugh fine."

Briseis was amazing at forcing him to calm down and redirecting him.

Patroclus was amazing at talking about how hot Achilles was and having a crisis every few minutes. 

C H I R O N  

Monday 9th December 2023

At three pm Chiron had settled himself down at his desk to open and reply to his emails while sipping on his tea. 

This is how he enjoyed spending his free time at his office, working quietly while some sort of music played softly in the background for him to relax too. He had always had a knack for making areas seem comfortable and cozy which was important in his current position. Many students who got sent to talk to him or requested meetings took comfort in the domestic atmosphere of his office the exact same way Chiron did. 

Not many things were able to disrupt his calmness. 

Actually, only one person really did that these days. 

Achilles Pelides burst frantically into the room, greeting Chiron and falling into the chair opposite him with a heavy sigh. He's tempted to roll his eyes. 

While Achilles was forceful and loud, energetic and dramatic he was still fond of the boy. He was quite easy to grow fond of despite his annoying attitude. After all. he was a quick learner, sweet, honest, and funny upon occasion. He had told Achilles this once and the boy had told him he was going soft. Chiron had laughed at that. 

Today however he stayed silent and stared at Achilles. Achilles seemed to like to start the conversation himself rather than Chiron trying to he had noticed that from past sessions.

"I got another love letter today. let's talk about it" 

Direct and straight to the point as always

"oh joy, can't wait" he replied sarcastically. The blonde rolled his eyes. They had talked about Achilles with many fans and admirers frequently, it was a favourite subject of Achilles. Sometimes Chiron enjoyed the subject too because sometimes Achilles would get into explaining how he thinks it's because he's different, like an alien or something. Strange boy. He should investigate that further another day.

"This one's serious!" 

"weren't the supposed last ten?" 

"less serious than this.." 

"...right," he said skeptically.

"so uhm this letter I have it with me" 

Chiron had a feeling he knew who wrote this letter. Clearly, him telling Patroclus not so long ago to write a letter and Achilles suddenly getting a letter that's 'serious' wasn't some coincidence

"and who's it by?" 

"nunya" 

Chiron gave Achilles a baffled expression. What the hell did nunya mean? is that what the kids are saying these days? strange saying in his opinion.

"sorry..?" 

"nunyabusiness" 

He sighed when he heard that, leaning back in his chair looking unimpressed. It wasn't unusual for Achilles to act stupid like this during sessions. He was only ever super interested and focused on conversations when he got to talk about something he was doing or, Patroclus. something Achilles had told him he 'wished he was doing' Chiron did not laugh at that. Believe it or not but dealing with an extremely fussy, petulant 15 year old who liked talking about how hot his best friend was wasn't part of his training and equally wasn't entertaining.

..maybe a little entertaining.

"Can we be serious Achilles" 

"I was being serious"

"you're so difficult" he grumbled

"I try. Anyway, this letter- I need to read it to you and have you explain some stuff" 

"..of course." it's not like Chiron, as much as he wished he could, could deny Achilles' letter reading. He felt guilty knowing it was probably Patroclus who wrote this and he was about to have Patroclus' heart poured out to him, not voluntarily of course. ..And indirectly. Nevertheless, he sat quietly and listened to what the letter contained.

it made him smile slightly, it was written in a very Patroclus-like manner. Very sweet and tender and clumsy. Poor boy, he had no idea what he was getting himself into with Achilles. He did think the pair balanced each other out nicely, however. Maybe the pair getting together would be good for both of them. Good for him too, less shenanigans about their feelings hopefully.

He eyed the letter fondly before responding

"Right. So, very sweet letter. Clearly, this person and you are very close." 

"what do you mean?" 

He raised his eyebrows, not trying to give away the fact he knew it was Patroclus who wrote this unless Achilles brought it up first. Achilles tended to fly off the handle when he felt embarrassed or annoyed so he was trying to avoid any negative reactions. "the way they wrote about their feelings. It doesn't seem like some random crush." 

"True. What do you think the home part meant?" 

He shook his head at Achilles' response. While the boy in front of him enjoyed writing songs and was somewhat a poet of his own he hadn't expected him to get that. He was never super intuitive or understanding towards other people it seemed. 

"I think whoever wrote the letter is essentially saying that being with you gives them a sense of home and security that they deeply crave, but this also scares them because it makes them vulnerable. That's probably also why they didn't sign it." 

"I thought they didn't want to sign it because maybe they were embarrassed by me" 

"I doubt it. if they were embarrassed they probably wouldn't have even suggested anything between you two, especially if they thought by not signing it you wouldn't realize it was them who wrote it"

"Okay but what if- what if I do know who wrote it? what am I supposed to do then"

"Who do you think wrote it?" 

"I think we both know. I don't think anyone else would be that nice about me" 

he scoffed, "Oh come of it, a lot of people like you" 

"yeah but I doubt any of them love me like that" 

"Okay. fair enough. I suppose-" he paused. How best to explain this..

  "... I suggest, you try to talk about it if they seem to be waiting for you to do so, if they don't, maybe just give them some time. If they want an answer they will ask. people your age aren't very good at waiting super long when they're desperate. And hey- only a few days until the holidays right? wait until you both get to your house and ask about it there." 

"Okay. I think I can wait a few days." 

"good. By the way, I'll be visiting a week into the holidays with the rest of you and your family. update me okay?" 

"Sure" 

Achilles untangled his legs and slipped from the chair, slinking away and over to the door with his usual gracefulness. He cast a look over at his shoulder to Chiron, waiting for something.

"bye Achilles" he waved dismissively

"...Thanks. Merry Christmas" 

"Mhm. Same to you." he smiled and paused, saying one last thing or what he thought would be the last thing. If only Achilles didn't have to disagree so much.

"good luck" 

"I don't believe in luck" 

"then goodbye."

Chapter Text

The campus of the school had changed over the last few days, as if the whole place had exhaled after months of being tightly wound. The usual frantic pace—students rushing between classes, professors with stacks of papers tucked under their arms, the constant hum of assignments and deadlines—had faded into a softer, more languid rhythm.

With the end of term so close, the school felt almost abandoned. The library, once packed with students pulling all-nighters and cramming for finals, now stood half-empty, the quiet only occasionally broken by the sound of pages turning or the rustle of winter coats. The common areas, once bustling with conversations, were eerily still.

Outside, snow blanketed the campus, transforming the familiar paths and buildings into something out of a postcard. Twinkling fairy lights had been strung up between lampposts, casting a warm, golden glow across the pathways. The trees, enormous and grand, stood decorated in shimmering ornaments, a beacon of holiday cheer for anyone still wandering the grounds. The scent of pine and cinnamon hung in the air, mixing with the cold bite of winter.

Yet, beneath all the holiday festivities, a sense of melancholy lingered. Maybe it was the impending goodbyes, the quiet spaces left by students who had already headed home, or the knowledge that everything would change come January. The campus always felt like this before the holidays—a mixture of relief and anticipation, but also a strange sadness, like the closing of a chapter before the new year brought whatever was waiting next.

For those still lingering, the last few days before Christmas break were a time of reflection, of tying up loose ends. Friends huddled together in final conversations, exchanging presents, sharing inside jokes, and making promises to stay in touch over the holidays. But for some, like Patroclus and Achilles, it wasn’t just about saying goodbye to a school term. The air between them felt as heavy as the low-hanging clouds threatening more snow, as if the tension they hadn’t spoken about would soon break like a winter storm.

Thursday 12th December 2023

It had been three days since he had slipped the letter into Achilles' locker. Three days of awkward silence, stolen glances, and unspoken words. Patroclus' chest tightened with every passing moment. Maybe  Achilles had found it childish. Maybe the letter wasn’t enough.

Part of him was glad he had written the letter like Briseis said- at least he had the guts to confess yet another part, a much larger part was furious with himself for writing the letter. Achilles hadn't touched or teased or joked with him in days. He missed it. He hadn't realized how close they were physically as well as emotionally until it all just... stopped. It was unbearable. For the last few days, Achilles had been a constant- someone who was always there and always careful with him. It hurt that it was all gone now. It turns out he had been relying on Achilles far more than he would've liked to admit.

I mean- he hadn't been ignorant to the possibility that Achilles wouldn't feel the same, wouldn't seen him that way when he wrote the letter, he just hoped that it wouldn't change how Achilles viewed him, regardless of his feelings.

The worst part about all of this is that Patroclus knew exactly why Achilles didn't like him romantically. He knew, like everyone else, Achilles could've never been attracted to his features, or coloring, or 'quirks'. Why would he? When he looked at himself he didn't see anything unique, beautiful, or special just painfully.. average. Maybe a little bit below average. Maybe if he had particularly light hair like Achilles- or those striking green eyes he would be considered unique and beautiful but he didn't have them. Nope- brown eyes and brown hair. Like most people. Average. Not on Achilles' level. Never on his level. And if that wasn't bad enough he knew it had to do with his personality as well. He felt bland, boring, plain in almost every situation. Maybe even a little exhausting. Not desirable anyway.  What was probably the worst fact was that Achilles had been one of the very few people who had allowed him to think that just maybe, he wasn't as awful as he thought he was. And now the reality of it all was crashing down around him. He couldn't solve or fix it.

He felt so stupid. He wished he could take it back. He hadn't ever wanted to lose Achilles. His Achilles. He was so, so, so, stupid.

If only he didn't listen to Chiron's advice.

Chiron was stupid.

Gods- fuck Chiron.

Every time he thought about the man who was meant to help him but really just ruined everything, he wanted to cry out of frustration. What did fucking Chiron know about Achilles? Why had he listened to their idea? It was all their fault.

The thought that it was all Chiron's idea and all his fault was a small comfort to him. He relished in the concept that Chiron was to blame at night when he tried not to cry. His bed felt so empty now that Achilles wasn't in it.

Fuck Chiron.

Around three pm, He sat on his bed, pretending to read while Achilles sat across the room with his guitar. He could feel their eyes burning holes in the side of his head, but every time he looked over, they quickly averted their eyes. It made him want to cry a little. Was him being gay and liking Achilles really that off-putting?

He sighed, turning back to his book to read for another half an hour until Achilles finally spoke. He had hoped he would ask him to hang out, go on a walk, or do something, anything. He didn't. Not like he usually would of. Because things weren't usual between them anymore.

"hey- you're all packed for tonight right?"

The question was so impersonal and bland that it almost hurt. Was it stupid he missed their dumb conversations about nothing?

"Yeah. You?"

"Uh.. yeah. Almost"

Silence stretched out across the room as he tried to think of something to say. He couldn't think of anything.

Maybe for the first time ever he didn't know how to just... exist besides Achilles. He hadn't ever really felt so awkward or crushed in the other boy's presence the way he had since leaving the letter in Achilles' locker.

Achilles seemed to feel the same way. He wouldn't look him in the eyes or touch him or joke anymore. Just plain, awful, silence.

"..uh we're getting the car back if that's okay with you?"

"yep."

"..okay" he looked back down and picked at his hands again.

He looked over at them, about to speak, wanting to ask why things had to be so strange. His voice cut off before he got the chance to. Suddenly his throat felt tight and the air was too dry. Nevermind. It was probably best he didn't. He had already made them feel uncomfortable enough. Without speaking he just got up and headed out of the dorm to go on a walk.

Later that evening they got the car home with Peleus, Achilles, and Peleus talking quietly the entire ride. He didn’t listen very much, frankly, he didn’t care what either of the two had to say, he was too upset to join in the conversation. 

After a few hours of travel and arriving at Achilles' house, Patroclus found himself sitting in Achilles' room, sprawled on the floor and bed. Outside, the snow was falling steadily, casting the room in a soft, gray light. Achilles had a book open in his lap, but he wasn’t really reading it, Patroclus could tell due to the fact they hadn't turned a single page within the last hour. Patroclus, sitting on the floor next to him, was idly scrolling through his phone, stealing glances every now and then.

Achilles had led him straight up to his room after the car ride to the house, which- he was grateful and ungrateful for.

Grateful because Achilles doing this was nice in a way, he liked just sitting quietly with them, almost as if everything was normal. Ungrateful because he was exhausted and doesn't really want to be around Achilles anymore.

 Achilles stretched with a yawn, breaking the silence. "I can’t believe the term’s already over. Feels like it just started, doesn’t it?" he sounded bored almost, as if he was starting a conversation just for the sake of it.

Patroclus hummed in agreement, his eyes still fixed on his screen. "Yeah. It went by fast."

Achilles waited for more, but he didn’t say anything. The silence between them felt heavier than usual like something was waiting to be said, but neither of them knew how to start.

"You got any big plans for us?" Achilles asked, his voice a little too casual, like he was trying to fill the quiet.

Patroclus shrugged. "Just the usual I guess. You?"

 Achilles leaned back, closing the book on his lap. "Same. My dad will probably make us sit through hours of cheesy Christmas movies- just letting you know."

 Patroclus grinned; his first real smile in a while. "You love those movies."

Achilles laughed, pleased he had managed to make Patroclus smile, “Okay, maybe I do. But don’t tell anyone."

They both chuckled, but then the laughter faded, and the room fell quiet again. Patroclus shifted on the bed, his knee brushing against Achilles' leg. The contact made his heart skip, and he pulled his leg back quickly, hoping Achilles didn’t notice.

But Achilles did. He glanced over, his expression softening. "You’ve been kinda quiet lately. Everything okay?"

Patroclus stiffened. His pulse quickened, and for a moment, he considered asking Achilles right then and there about the letter. About everything. But the fear of what might happen stopped him. Instead, he forced a small smile.

"Yeah. Just… tired, I guess."

 Achilles didn’t look convinced. He leaned forward slightly, searching his face for something more. "You sure? You know you can talk to me, right?"

He swallowed, the words he wanted to say on the tip of his tongue. His chest tightened, and he nodded, quickly glancing away. "I know."

Achilles watched him for a beat longer, then sighed, settling back. "Okay, well… you should rest while you’re here. We’ve got a long semester ahead after this."

"Yeah," he murmured, his eyes back on his phone, though he wasn’t really looking at it. He was thinking about the letter, about how stupid he’d been to send it. About how Achilles knew but wasn’t saying anything.

The weight of what wasn’t said pressed down on both of them, the easy conversation from before feeling distant and strained now.

"Do you want to watch something?" Achilles asked suddenly, breaking the tension again. "I’m in the mood for one of those cheesy Christmas movies now."

Patroclus glanced over. "Really? I thought you were reading."

Achilles grinned. "I think I’ve had enough of books for one day."

"uh.. maybe tomorrow. I'm really tired. I think I might just head over to my room and go to bed"

Achilles' face fell and their hands picked at each other. "Oh.. uhm. Okay then. See you tomorrow"

"night, the room next to yours is mine right?" he asked, not wanting to head into the wrong room, so far he had only been in there to drop his bags off

"..yep...goodnight"

Patroclus quickly departed after that, craving the undisturbed peace sleep bought.

As he settled in the strangely unfamiliar bed in his new room he replayed everything from the day in his mind, every interaction with Achilles, every word spoken. Focused on how their house was decorated and their bedroom and tried to remember it all. Who knew when he would be back here, especially with the way things were going, might as well try to store it in his memory.

Friday 13th December 2023

On his second day at the Pelides' house,  Achilles had called him to his room to hang out, which, regretfully, he agreed to.

Seeing as their rooms were next door to each other it wasn't too much trouble waking himself up and dragging himself to Achilles room to wait for them.

"Hey Patroclus" Achilles greeted as he burst into his room, holding a bunch of bags, dumping them carelessly on the floor 

"Hey there." He hummed, eyeing the bags questioningly, but he didn't press

"Sorry I took so long uhm- dad wanted me for something" Achilles apologized, taking a seat on the floor next to the bed with a yawn

"Don't worry about it” he looked up from his seat on Achilles’ bed, suddenly feeling rude for not asking to sit there. 

"...Is it okay for me to sit here...?"

"Huh? Yeah- we literally slept together for months why-" 

He met their eyes sharply, feeling embarrassed by their words and a little agitated, "No- we didn't. We shared a bed together- not slept together" 

"Okay... My bad" Achilles huffed after an awkward pause

"It is your bad" he snapped, again. 

 Achilles frowned when he snapped at him. "Yeah okay" 

Achilles seemed to fidget with his hands awkwardly while staring at Patroclus. "uh, ..so are you excited to spend Christmas together?" he questioned with a small smile

"Yeah." His voice was soft and almost inaudible, his mouth feeling dry. He hated how stiff their questions came now. 

"Hey did you not hear me I said-" Achilles began 

"I said yes. I fucking heard you, yes I’m so excited to spend more time with you" he snapped sarcastically

Achilles visibly flinched and flushed red this time, looking sheepish. "Sorry. I was just really looking forward to this and wanted to know if you were to, ...I didn't hear you before" 

Patroclus regretted snapping before Achilles even finished his sentence, getting up awkwardly and wrapping his arms around them for the first time in what felt like eons. He apologized rapidly in a hoarse whisper, his body relaxing at the familiar warmth and touch of the other. Achilles buried his face in the brunette's neck and clung to him. He felt so guilty about being mean, he was just a so... frustrated.  

"Why are you being so mean lately? I’m trying really hard to not mess up" the blonde sounded so defeated and pathetic it made his heart clench uncomfortably 

"I know I’m sorry. It’s just.." he could bring up the letter, but then again why bother? Achilles didn't respond for a reason.

"It’s just, you know- I'm upset about-" he paused trying to think of a reason "My dad..?I guess. I wish-" his voice is far too unconvincing and thick he's scared Achilles is about to call bullshit on him "I wish he was here.." he finished dully. 

To his surprise Achilles doesn’t call bullshit on him, just sniffles and pulls back to look at him "I’m sorry" they paused and lead him to the bed "I don't know what to do." 

"That's okay." he sighed 

"just.. just leave me alone for now" 

"..okay." 

"I'll go to my room and sleep or something-" he shrugged, avoiding eye contact

"No have mine. My rooms nicer than the guest rooms, better bed" he urged, arguing back and forth with Patroclus about the rooms as he walked to the door, shutting it just hard enough for Peleus to call from the kitchen not to slam doors once he was near enough.

Patroclus sighed and laid back on the bed, rubbing his palms into his eyes. How much longer could he pretend he wasn’t hurt by Achilles’ silence? Pretend he wasn’t hurt by them? Hurt by seeing them? Being around them?

Not for long obviously. He’d just have to tough this one out, much to his disappointment.

Monday 16th December 2023

Over the last three days, Patroclus had just gotten increasingly meaner to Achilles, snapping, avoiding, and being rude to them. Achilles didn’t mention it, just kind of left him alone and got all embarrassed when Patroclus said something mean. As bad as it probably was Patroclus had decided the quickest way to get over Achilles was to hate them, so that’s what he spent his time trying to do. Trying. 

Patroclus might have been lucky enough to escape Achilles for the last few days but it seems Peleus was much harder to shake off; apart from watching him and Achilles like a hawk, he had also been trying to start up conversations with Patroclus constantly. 

The man had asked Patroclus to come to the kitchen earlier on and have a conversation once they had all finished their dinner. 
He of course agreed and took a seat at the kitchen island, nervously picking at his fingers.

"hello Patroclus"  Peleus was smiling at him a little pityingly, sipping from a wine glass.  

"hi" he answered, diverting his eyes, he couldn’t figure out why they wanted to talk to him, was he a bad guest or something?

"you and Achilles have been weird lately" 

"... I guess" 

"I talked with Chiron" 

He felt his stomach drop. What had Chiron said? Excuse him for being pissed but he thought Chiron was meant to keep his secrets secret. He swore at that moment that the next time he saw Chiron he was going to fight them, why was he ruining his life??

"he said you two are having some issues right now, didn’t explain what, would you mind telling me?"

He felt a little relieved but still uneasy when they revealed they didn’t know what was wrong with the two boys, it wasn’t exactly easy to tell someone’s dad ‘Sorry I really want to date your son and made everything weird so we aren’t talking anymore’

"Uhm... you know. like. crushes" he said, a nice little white lie that was well… kind of true?

"oh god, girl troubles?" the man roared with laughter again, smiling at Patroclus kindly "What's wrong, you both like the same girl?" he joked joyously 

"uhh.. something like that," he said with a nervous smile, deciding to just comply and go along with whatever they said.

"Does he know you like her?" The amused man asked 

"yes" 

"has he said anything about it then?" 

"...no"

"Oh God. Poor boy must be so torn between you two"  The man grinned, sipping on his wine 

"Well, if it's really something so silly, I'll clear it up for you my boy. Here- Achilles?" he shouted his son's name and Patroclus' stomach dropped 

"oh no sir- Peleus its fine. I really don't need him to know- I was just gonna forget about it really!" He reassured, praying to any gods listening Peleus didn’t confront Achilles about his ‘girl’ problems. 

"oh don't worry.. I should knock some sense into that boy anyway, always chasing the next pretty thing he finds. Suppose he's moved on from that Deidamia girl? That didn't last very long" 

"yeah- but like I said it's fine so let's just-" 

"Oh, hush! he's very taken with you, I'm sure he'll let you have her. mm.. reminds me and my friend arguing over girls back in the day," he snorted "Good times huh?" 

Patroclus was desperately stammering any excuse his mind could think of as Peleus turned a deaf ear to him. This was going to blow up in his face massively and there was nothing he could do to stop it, essentially, he was fucked. A moment later Achilles came into the kitchen, blond curls damp and cascading down, dressed in a pair of low-sitting joggers and a fitting shirt. Beautiful, really, reeeeaaaallly beautiful. Fuck. 

He sat back in his chair, staring at the ground awkwardly as Peleus made his son sit and began to speak "I hear you and Patroclus are having some girl problems" the man teased. He could feel Achilles staring at him as he quickly denied his father's claims. Peleus waved him away "Oh don't worry. We've all been there! apparently, he told you he really liked this girl and you said nothing." 

Patroclus risked a glance up at Achilles only to find him already glaring over. He could pinpoint the exact moment of realization about who this 'girl' was. 

"well, that's a lie. A massive lie. I never said anything because I wanted him to be ready" 

Peleus looked confused at this and Achilles let out a frustrated groan "Long story, can we have a minute Dad?" 

Peleus smiled and obliged, telling them to not get too upset as he exited the kitchen. 

Achilles stood up, chair scraping against the tile "What the fuck! is this what your attitude is about!? Your fucking letter?" 

"shut the fuck up I know you don't feel the same can you just drop it-" he snarled

"oh my god" Achilles stared at him in frustration and let out a hollow laugh "I don't feel the same," he said in a whiny, mockingly high-pitched voice "Yeah right. uh huh. I soooo don't feel the same" 

Patroclus scowled at him 

"why couldn't you just sign it and admit it was you?! do you know what that looks like?" 

Patroclus flushed with shame and embarrassment "It doesn't look like anything, do you know what not talking about it looks like?" 

"yeah, it looks like me respecting you not signing it and giving you time!" 

"Oh my god, you idiot. Respecting me? I thought you were just being weird and not talking about it meant you didn't like me!" 

"No, it meant I thought you wanted me to wait for you to bring it up!" 

"well I didn't" 

The kitchen fell silent. He was seething, he didn't understand why Achilles was being so dense. He was embarrassed, annoyed, and frustrated now, apparently for no reason.

"look. I thought you didn't sign it because you needed some time, I was trying to make it easier for you" Achilles was walking around the kitchen island, stopping when he was stood in front of the other boy, his voice was now softer and more tired sounding 

"well you look, I thought you didn't say anything as a nice way of letting me down" he frowned, not meeting the other eyes. 

Achilles scoffed and raised a hand to cradle a side of the brunette's face, thumb stroking their cheekbone gently "I really like you in case you haven't noticed." 

"I noticed. just a little bit" he mumbled bashfully

"Oh really? only took me writing you songs, flirting, sharing your bed, trusting you with all my secrets, asking you t bathe me, and such-" 

"oh my god I get it" he complained

"..I kinda like you too. I guess." 

"oh really, took you long enough to say it" 

"shut up" he leaned forward, resting his head against their front tiredly as they continued to pet his hair. 

"oh stop moping. I like you okay? I'm sorry for not understanding your whole letter thing" 

Achilles paused, a sly grin on his lips as he pulled Patroclus' head back gently by the hair so he could look at him "...did you ask Deidamia how to write the letter?" 

"...no why?" 

Achilles just laughed and shook his head "No reason." 

Patroclus, still very embarrassed by everything that just happened looked away and sat back on the kitchen chair "So, what now?" 

"You could give me what I want for once?" 

"What?" 

"Don't play dumb I literally wrote a song about this!" 

It clicked in his mind what they were asking after a moment"Oh- kissing?" 

"yes kissing." 

"no" 

"Are you fucking shitting me? I did not just spend a whole week of you being a bitch and having some big argument with me for you to change your mind" 

"I haven't changed my mind! I just don't want to kiss someone until I'm dating. So I know it's not like, a one-time thing" 

Achilles rolled his eyes 

"Want to be my boyfriend?" 

"ye-" he hadn't even managed to get the words out his mouth before Achilles was sliding into his lap with a pathetic little whine. 

He couldn't really hold back before giving in and finding their lips and gods, when he did he felt like he had all the air knocked out of him.

They tasted just how he remembered, felt just how he remembered- when he pulled back to tell Achilles this in a dazed manner the other teased him about remembering for so long, as if it was possible to forget how Achilles tasted and felt. The feeling of them was a privilege to know and he was in no hurry to forget it. his hands settled on their back as they kissed, sliding downwards, eventually settling on their hips. 

He pulled back breathlessly, face hot to try to warn them of something but they barely gave him a moment to breathe let alone speak before dragging him in for another eager kiss. He found his name singing their name like a prayer, begging for more, feeling like he was fit to burst with all the sensations. He let out a throaty moan and then a disgruntled groan when they pulled away, lips searching messily for something, skin, lips hair anything- he just wanted more, no, needed more. He was forced to look up at the other when they clamped a hand over his mouth.

"be fucking quiet my dads is still downstairs probably" 

he let out a noise of complaint but was quickly shut up by them compromising with him "Just wait until we're alone upstairs okay? Jesus, you're so fucking thirsty-" 

he protested when they let go of his mouth "like your one to talk- fucking hypocrite-" 

he was cut off by a kiss, and then another and another, which eventually led to more kisses down his neck and a smug Achilles. "your easy to please huh?" 

"no-" 

"oh so you're not pleased I'm kissing you?" he asked with a pout

"No- I am.. I am I promise" 

"Good boy" he went back to kissing down his neck and biting at his collarbones where he had tugged his shirt down for more access. He could've melted from that alone. 

When Achilles finally finished with him, lips red and kiss swollen, face pink and flustered, he felt himself react in more ways than one. 

One reaction was rushing to tell them how beautiful they were,

the second ... well... maybe Achilles should have listened to his warnings.

"Are you-" Achilles paused and looked down. 

"maybe" 

"gross, you fucking animal-" he laughed, losing his shit over the fact he had given him a boner 

"Oh ha ha, laugh it up" he scowled "It's not funny" 

he sunk back into his chair embarrassed, shying away from their hands. 

"oh stop being all mopey again- I'll fucking blow you if it'll cheer you up"

he paused and looked up at them a little flustered "I've never..." 

"I know. I'll walk you through it, you'll get the hang of it" 

"right," 

"My room?" 

"Uhm. No thanks" 

Achilles expression soured "You're turning me down? what the fuck-" 

"No-" he tightened his hold on their hips "Not turning you down just- not now okay? I just want to lie in bed and kiss you if that's okay." 

".. that's fine" Achilles mumbled, looking away. 

"what's wrong?" 

"I was kinda hoping we'd get to... you know once we figured it all out" 

he felt a little guilty at their admission "We will! just not today. Gimme a few days." 

Achilles raised an eyebrow 

"a few days? what, when my family starts arriving? You animal- you're trying to fuck me when my relatives, will be in the room next door. disgusting-" he said in mock scandal. 

"Can you blame me, I'm 16, I have a boyfriend, and I have needs too" 

"And who's fault is it that you're so pent up?" 

"...mine" 

"idiot. yes you can fuck me in a few days, thanks for asking I guess" 

"shut up" he grinned, kissing them again, softer this time, taking his time to explore their mouth properly. 

This time when Achilles pulled away he was the one embarrassed, his body reacting inconveniently too. 

Patroclus snorted with laughter about to speak before getting smacked over the head by Achilles. 

"don't be mean" 

"sorry." 

Achilles rested his head on his shoulder "Can I just sit like this until it goes away? I don't need to walk out and my dad see me with a boner" 

"yeah, probably the best idea." 

Achilles just hummed quietly and wrapped his arms around the brunette who smiled, a little dazed, and wrapped his arms around them in return. 

Oh, he was so bragging about this to Briseis later. 

Chapter Text

 Tuesday 17th December, 2023

Harsh, white morning light filtered through the open blinds of Achilles' bedroom window.

Patroclus stirred, trying to ignore the bright white light shining into his eyes, rolling over in the nest of duvet, clothes, and blankets that were Achilles' bed. Eventually letting out a resigned sigh after no success.

He sat up blearily and rubbed at his eyes, it was only then that he noticed the dull sounds of someone moving around the room. His eyes focused and settled on Achilles who stood in front of his desk, messaging someone on his phone. Maybe if he wasn't so tired he'd be able to focus more and see who he was texting though the tiredness was probably less of a factor for his distraction considering Achilles was shirtless. His eyes silently traced down their spine, watching the way the muscles beneath their tan skin moved and flexed with every movement.

Last night he had probably spent the most time he ever had trying to learn their body. Entangling themselves in the blonde's bed to kiss all night had that effect. learning how everything felt, how to touch, and how they liked to be touched had been all that was on his mind that night. And this morning too apparently. It wasn't even in an inherently sexual way, more in a curious way. He had no idea what he was doing when it came to making out and he was determined to learn quickly, this was one of the only good things he had so far and he couldn't seem to get enough of it. Kissing, touching, whatever- it was fun, it was exciting.

He stayed like this for a while, smiling gently his eyes focused in on the dimples on the small of their back, lost in thought. He shook his head after a few moments of this, calling their name to get their attention.

Achilles turned around and raised his eyebrows in questioning. Patroclus simply patted the space beside himself, waiting for Achilles to sit down. Once they did Achilles was almost immediately smirking at him, moving in to catch him in a kiss, assuming that was what Patroclus was after.

He managed to pull back and dodge the kiss though, laughing at their offended expression, "can't kiss you yet, haven't brushed my teeth." he reasoned, prodding them in the abdomen. 

Achilles rolled his eyes, swatting his hand away "You could still kiss me"

"My mouth tastes disgusting. Yours probably does too" he said with an eye roll

"My mouth is never disgusting" Achilles protested, a coy smile toying with his lips "and I never said where you had to kiss me. I'm sure the rest of me will taste fine"

He felt his face heat up at the blatant flirtation, rolling his eyes and moving to press a few gentle kisses down their neck, settling on the spot just beneath their jaw which seemed to be Achilles' favourite place to be kissed. (something he had discovered last night). Achilles took a sharp intake of breath and let out a quiet moan, hands coming up to settle on the brunette's shoulders, fingers pressing in hard.

"Pat.." he mumbled, voice a little frustrated.

He pulled back with a smirk "Yeah?"

"stop-"

"You don't like it? you sound like you like it" he teased, enjoying the way their already pink face went red.

"yes- it's good I just- what about you know... somewhere else" they tried, giving him a pointed look.

He paused to consider it, trying to think. Last night he had kissed all down their chest and torso to their hips and thighs, is that what they meant?

"Like last night?" he questioned, only to be met by a smirking Achilles

"No. Like- Well, yes like last night, but maybe more.?" he gave him another directed look "Like maybe, you know-"

Patroclus frowned but then it suddenly clicked.

"You want me to blow you?" he said, way too surprised sounding.

"well- it'd be nice" they mumbled, face pink and expression sheepish at his reaction.
"I just thought, you know. I'd like to try something, and if you're not ready to fuck me then we could slow down and just use your mouth-"

"Oh my god," he said, face miserably hot and red "Achilles-"

"No, but hear me out"

"Achilles!" he said again, sighing when they fell quiet "I don't- I'd like to have sex obviously, I mean you're stunning, but again I need some time. Even for head" he said with a sigh.

Achilles nodded, picking at his joggers idly, avoiding eye contact.

"uhm also-" he paused "would theoretically, I be uh.. fucking you..? like would I be-"

Achilles looked up at him, very annoyed and flustered "Yes. thought that was obvious."

he smirked, relishing in the way they seemed so embarrassed.

"just checking."

"Whatever." they scoffed, swatting his hand away again when he tried to rub at their waist.

Not so long after that, they settled down for lunch, Achilles had ordered in some food which they now sat eating by the poolside. 

During the break between waking up and ordering lunch Patroclus had escaped to the bathroom for about fifteen minutes to call Briesis and tell her about everything, way too happy to hear her disgusted complaints and requests for fewer details. However, the happiness didn't last too long, not when Briseis began questioning him.

'will he even come out,?- will you?', 'what about the fact he is famous..? what then?', 'Have you thought about this all?'

on that last question, he hung up and shut his phone off.

Briseis was of course supportive of their relationship, but she did keep pushing for him to think about what he really wanted out of it the entire phone call. She explained that after the confession they hadn't really had much time to discuss what to do going forward, mainly since Patroclus had been extremely averse to discussing how everything went and possibly dating Achilles at all, and that now he might be rushing a bit. He knew she was just trying to help him, trying to make sure that he and Achilles had the same ideas but still, it stung a little.

All in all, Briseis made some good points, and he knew now was the time to bring them up to Achilles however a certain nagging feeling in his stomach was making him sick. Maybe Briseis had been right, maybe he hadn't thought about this enough.

He sighed and shook his head, looking over to Achilles after swallowing a mouthful of food.

"Achilles?"
he questioned, watching as they turned to look at him

"Are we going to go public?" he asked, just saying it as plainly as he could, not wanting to beat around the bush.

Achilles didn't answer immediately, but he might as well have, from the furrowed brows and awkward expression that crossed their face the second he said the words, he knew what they thought, and his stomach sunk a little at the realization.

"Patroclus- it's not that I don't want to it's just-" Achilles sighed and gave him another disapproving look "You know we can't. it's not so much that I'm scared but like- my mother would never let me go public with a boy, let alone you" he insisted "and what about my fans or whatever,? they don't want to see me date anyone. and they might lose interest if they think I'm gay."

Patroclus closed his eyes for a moment and begged himself to ignore the sting of the words. it wasn't worth getting upset over. That was the logical way to go about the whole dating thing- Achilles was right.

"I know" he mumbled, voice a little hoarser than he meant it to sound.

"I just thought we would be like a proper couple or whatever." he settled on taking another bite of his food, chewing slowly as he mulled the reality of the situation over in his head.

"We are a proper couple. Maybe even more so, you know how much I like you. We just have to be a bit quieter though okay? This could go badly, so for now, let's just keep it quiet. At least until we get more, uhm... 'settled'" he explained.

He nodded, ignoring the bitter feeling in his heart.

He quickly finished his food and headed in to take a shower, rinsing away the stress of the conversation, trying to free his mind from his doubts.

 Later on in the evening after some careful thought and consideration, Patroclus had decided to forget about his bitterness. If Achilles wanted him to be a secret, for whatever reason, he would be one. He didn't care, he just wanted Achilles, he wasn't going to screw it all up by getting upset over nothing.

As of right now, he sat on one of the living room sofas, leaning up against the arm of the sofa watching a film Achilles had spent the last half hour convincing him to watch, '10 Things I hate about You' or something. 

The film was honestly not that bad, but it wasn't really his sort of thing, he decided to inform the blond of this by glancing at them sideways and boredly mumbling "The film's shit".

Achilles laughed and shifted slightly to look at him "It is not-"

"it is! so far it's so predictable." he smirked, giving them a bemused look

"Oh yeah? So how does it end then genius?" he questioned, giving him an expectant look

"Achilles- we studied Taming of the shrew in class, I'm pretty sure it's just a modern version of that is it not?" he responded offhandedly

"Oh my god it's not, just shut up and watch, we're only twenty minutes in so far"they pouted

Patroclus glanced at them before shaking his head with a smile. "Okay. Whatever"

He would happily watch so many stupid movies for this boy. Another thing Briseis had mentioned on their brief call was how whipped he was. Briseis was right. He was so absolutely whipped.

The room fell silent again for a second, Achilles giggling slightly as he looked back to the screen, letting out a sly admission "Besides, the characters are so hot" Achilles smirked

"are you serious?" he asked, eyebrows raised 

"Yes, look- I'm not saying I'd leave you for Heath Ledger if it was possible but... you know" Achilles shrugged with a small smirk

Patroclus lowered his gaze to their lips and then back to their eyes "One day into the relationship and you're already threatening to leave me?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

"mmm... maybe"

"what's wrong with me?" he teased, "what does he have that I don't?"

"oh you know..  " Achilles grinned, climbing into Patroclus' lap, straddling him easily as Patroclus' hands fastened around their hips as if they were only built to do so. They fit so well together.

"he has this gorgeous smile" Achilles started, hands reaching out to hold Patroclus' face "and pretty eyes, ....and his hair is so hot"

"well I could grow my hair out" he protested, smiling at the way Achilles' curiosity seemed piqued by his words

"go on.." the blond hummed gently.

"And I'm telling you, I also have pretty eyes and a nice smile too"

"definitely got pretty eyes." they agreed "what else can you bring to the table besides having a pretty face though?"

Patroclus considered the question for a moment before dismissing it "why don't you tell me what you like about me instead of me telling you hm? You're the one who's obsessed with me, not the other way around"

Achilles scoffed before answering "All alright then"

Achilles lowered his gaze in thought before grinning, he lifted the hem of Patroclus' shirt, fingers gently grazing over their lower abdomen in a way that made his stomach flip "I like this" he began, fingers carving around his v-line with measured tenderness.

He swallowed nervously as the blonde continued, ignoring the way they were stirring a heat within him.

"and I like this too," they placed their hand on the brunette's chest, squeezing slightly.

He had to remind himself to take a deep breath, there was something so enticing about how smug and silvery their voice was as they felt him up.

Achilles then grabbed one of Patroclus' hands from his hips, raising it to his face "And this" he mumbled, lips pressing gently to the tips of his fingers, nipping at them with his teeth.

As he watched Achilles bite lightly and kiss at his fingertips, he felt himself get turned on, especially when they slipped Patroclus' finger into his mouth, letting it linger there for a moment. The way Achilles' lips closed around it, soft and deliberate, sent a shiver down his spine. The blonde drew it out slowly, his gaze locked on Patrolus' face, the gesture both innocent and undeniably provocative. It was a silent promise, a wordless invitation that left him breathless and wanting more.

"Achilles-" he managed to get out, his voice a low groan

"What?" the blonde asked, pushing back into the brunette's lap in a way that drew a sharp curse from his lips all too easily. 

"stop it- I don't want-" he began to say feebly, trying to ignore the feeling of them moving against him the way they were 

"you do though" Achilles scolded, ceasing his movements "You've been staring at me for months-" he sighed, "and there's been times when you acted like you were ready to bend me over and fuck me stupid so why are you being so stubborn? I know that you want it, i am trying to give you it-" they exclaimed frustratedly.

"Achilles- you know why! Yes, I want it, there's no fucking doubt I want you just- I'd just like some time to think about it a bit more okay? It's a big thing for me. Just because you're used to intimacy and fucking people doesn't mean I am" he argued sourly, angry at Achilles for trying this again and angry at himself for being so easy to excite.

Achilles' gaze hardened "I'm not 'used' to intimacy I just-" they groaned in an annoyed fashion "Sex with other people never seemed intimate because I didn't care about them. Sex with you is a big deal because I do care about you, so excuse me for being excited-" they snapped "and you're acting like all I do is fuck people. I've barely had sex with hardly anyone." they snapped 

Patroclus sighed and looked away "I know. I wasn't trying to say that." he apologized softly after a tense pause

Achilles nodded silently in acceptance of the apology, fingers picking at each other, seeming to regret snapping

Patroclus struggled for a moment before continuing "You know I love you, and want you- but still, I'm just not super comfortable with letting myself do that yet. I need a bit more time okay?" 

Achilles nodded again, slumping forward, resting his face in the crook of Patroclus' neck and shoulder. "Sorry. I'm not trying to rush you or force you, I just want to make you feel good." 

Patroclus hummed softly in response, gently rubbing their back in slow soothing motions 

"Also I'm really horny. I'm not kidding it's been ages-" Achilles said even quieter this time, a twinge of embarrassment staining his voice 

Patroclus burst out laughing at this, hand squeezing their waist "Really? Couldn't tell" he answered sarcastically

Achilles groaned "Shut up. I know you know I'm horny- do you think other people can tell?" 

"well as long as you're not sucking on their fingers and trying to ride them like you just did to me, then no, probably not," he said with a fond eye-roll. 

"oh gods no" Achilles laughed. "imagine" 

Patroclus grinned and gently kissed them when they pulled back to sit up straight. "good. Now why don't we watch your stupid film" 

"Your stupid" Achilles mumbled, but complied, watching the film for about another half hour before eventually falling asleep on top of Patroclus.

Chapter Text

hey guys

This fic isn't abandoned (though I am aware it's been nearly two months since I updated it, never mind my other ones).

I really do love writing this and I don't plan on abandoning it. I just cant seem to catch a break with school issues, work issues, and family issues. I've had a chapter in the works for a while now, and the rest of part one planned out but I'm really just struggling to get it written if i'm honest. I promise something will be put out soon (sometime in the next two weeks) I'm just not sure what or when. 

I wanted to do something special for a years anniversary (cringe, I know) but I honestly might not have the time. After I get that next post out though I promise to try get things out more regularly (aiming for once a week maybe)

Im really sorry for how bad and infrequent updates have been lately, just wanted to say something instead of continuing not to update. I really love reading every comment you guys leave and your support means the world to me :)

Chapter Text

For Patroclus, the last two days had been spent mainly just making out and acting sickeningly in love with Achilles. Patroclus couldn't find it in himself to tear his focus from Achilles for more then a few moments and Achilles reveled in that fact. If Patroclus had learned anything these past days it was that Achilles simply needed to feel desired.

So much so that only one pressing matter could come to Patroclus' mind. 

Sex. 

In his head, sex was easy, uncomplicated, and understandable, in person, however? Hard, awkward and uncomfortable. He would quite happily attend to Achilles in every way they wanted but the second things got explicitly sexual all he could do was panic and want to stop. Achilles always understood but the brunette could tell this isn't how Achilles wanted or imagined this to go. 

And that knowledge was killing him. He had been counting down the days until Chiron would be visiting so he could discuss it with the man- he adored how Chiron always knew what to say or do when he didn't. He just really wanted to get his worries off his chest in all honesty. 

Well anyway, lucky for Patroclus Chiron's visit was today. Due to this Patroclus had awoken early and had been practically sat buzzing as he anxiously watched the clock, unable to indulge in anything much apart from a few lengthy kisses with Achilles. 

Gods he was a mess, anxious, sick and whipped all at once. 

At last however after many painful moments of agony and anxiety there was a knock on the front door which Peleus (who had come down not to long before this) got, opening the door to see Chiron standing there beaming. The two men shook hands and pulled each other into a quick, brief hug. Their words were sincere and warm and they both seemed pleased to see each other.  Patroclus was only caught up in this for a few seconds as he soon noticed Achilles sat watching the interaction with a small frown on his face, shifting away from Patroclus subtly, It was only a very slight movement but he noticed it, and it made his stomach hurt slightly. He only really had moments to dwell on the thought though as Chiron was walking in and moving to greet them.

"Hello boys. I trust you've been well so far?" the man asked, voice kind as Peleus helped him remove his coats and gloves.

Patroclus just nodded glumly but Achilles answered fully, giving him a quick rundown of how he had been, what was coming up, and so on. Chiron listened with a great deal of intent, glancing over to Patroclus a few times but not saying anything to interrupt Achilles' rant. Achilles was oblivious to this, far too focused on himself to care. All Patroclus could do was avoid those gazes and try not to let his feelings get too hurt by Achilles moving away from him like that.

Eventually when the blonde had finally finished rambling Chiron shared a secretive look with Peleus before speaking up "Well, why don't I talk with you first achilles since you're so eager- and Patroclus i'll talk to you before I leave? how does that sound?"

Both boys nodded in agreement, Achilles standing up to lead the way to the garden, practically dragging Chiron by the hand in his wake.

The room fell silent again, the only difference now was that Achilles wasn't napping on him and Peleus had a weird expression on his face.

"say.. you ever get those girl problems sorted out?" Peleus asked with an air of interest as he took his seat on the sofa opposite Patroclus.

The brunette looked up to lock eyes with him "Uhm..." he paused, feeling himself redden at the question. He forgot about that little white lie they had told to get rid of Peleus' suspicions.

Patroclus wanted to answer Peleus honestly and explain what really had happened and why they had lied. He felt a small pang of guilt about lying to the man who had helped him so much and seemed to care about him so deeply. He opened his mouth, the words about to spill out but faltered.

Achilles wanted this to be a secret.

He couldn't disrespect that, no matter how much he wanted to come clean to Peleus.

"Uhm- yeah. It all worked out in the end."

Peleus raised his eyebrows "i'm glad. You know- it was awful seeing you two argue over something so small, especially when I know how much Achilles likes you." the man laughed. "even when you two were young boys he was always wanting to be around you."

Patroclus smiled slightly at the comparison. "yeah, I guess so."

"isn't it so strange how this all played out? who knew you two would reconcile after so many years apart." peleus said with a dreamy sigh.

Patroclus frowned, nose crinkling. Logically, he knew Peleus didn't mean that negatively but all they had said simply translated to 'who knew you would kill someone and get disowned' in his mind.

His mouth soured at the thought.

Peleus seemed unaware to this, continuing in his thoughts. "i'm glad he has you. He needs someone like you to keep him in check"

Patroclus looked away from them "Mhm. Guess so."

"well anyway-" Peleus stood from the sofa "now you have a girlfriend don't forget him" Peleus laughed

"what?" he questioned, startled.

Peleus looked over, a confused smile on his lips. "The girl. The one you were arguing over, he let you have her did he not?"

He felt his stomach knot, the way Peleus was looking at him so intently with that stupid fucking smile that was all too similar to his sons. "I-" the words got caught in his throat but he tried again. "I'm sorry-i-" he swallowed trying to get his words out, finding it hard to ignore Peleus' concerned eyes. "I don't have a girlfriend" he finally managed to blurt out.

Peleus raised his eyebrows "Okay..?"

He opened his mouth and closed it again, feeling unbelievably foolish for his stumble 

"so is Achilles with her now..?" the man questioned, trying to prompt the boy back into speech

"No." he rushed to say "We just lost interest. Boys are more important anyway-  I mean friendship." he cringed "Friendship is more important" 

Peleus continued to just stare at him with a baffled expression "alright then" he said after a pause. "well let's not discuss that any further, you don't seem too keen on the subject" the man said kindly. 

Patroclus sat back in his chair and nodded, a warm smile gracing his lips. "Good idea." 

Peleus smiled once again before standing out "Now, I have to run out and sort something with one of my co-workers, tell Achilles When he and Chiron are done I need to talk with him okay?" the older man asked 

"yeah, of course." he responded, watching quietly as the man exited a few moments later. 

He sighed and closed his eyes. Who knew how long Achilles would be? Better to just relax while he waited.

When Chiron and Achilles resurfaced from the Garden Chiron was watching him silently, as if trying to piece together an all too complicated puzzle. Achilles on the other hand was already moving on, setting out to find his father, only to be knocked down when Patroclus told him that Peleus had left. Achilles stilled at that but eventually shrugged and said he needed to call his mother anyway, which left Patroclus and Chiron awkwardly sizing each other up.

“I hear you’ve been busy,” Chiron said flatly. 

His brows furrowed as he tried to deduct what the other man was trying to insinuate “huh?” 

“Busy?” he echoed. 

Chiron nodded. “Yeah. Busy” 

Tha man seemed to hesitate “Achilles told me everything. About the letter, you two falling out, the argument, starting to date each other.” the man said after a pause. 

He felt a strange mix of embarrassment and uncertainty rise within him. He would have told Chiron all this on his own, but Chiron already knowing was catching him off guard. “Oh” 

“I hope that's okay with you” Chiron mused. 

“Yeah, sure. Whatever” he mumbled, looking away to pick at his skin. 

Chiron frowned at this “Patroclus i'm worried about you. I don't want you to bottle this all up. You can talk to me about how this all feels. It's new for you and Achilles is a lot,  if your a bit overwhelmed I’d like to hear about it.” the man began 

“Did Achilles say I was overwhelmed?” he asked snarkily 

“No, but I have a feeling.” Chiron said, meeting his snarky tone with a much more sympathetic one. 

Patroclus let out a deep sigh and looked away before glazing back. “Okay” 

“Okay?”

“Ill tell you. Just give me a minute to think”

Chiron nodded in understanding and waited patiently while Patroclus fumbled to put his feelings into words. 

“Once we started dating I was happy obviously, but now a few days have past there's so much I have no clue about.  Achilles keeps trying to have sex and I thought before we started dating I would be ready but I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know if I want to or if I’ll ever even want to. Like it makes me so sick thinking about it” he said after a pause. 

Chiron nodded slowly at that and hesitated before responding “Okay. Well, .. please don't do something just because he asks you to. If you aren't ready that's okay. And if you never want to do anything then that's okay too. But maybe try to explain how you feel to him. It might help lessen any tension.” the man paused before speaking again “If the idea of sex is really making you that nervous, I suggest maybe trying something, really slow, and then when it gets too much stopping. It might help make things less daunting, easier to ease into.” he suggested. 

Patroclus nodded slowly “I guess. It's just hard. I want to. I really do. I just can't though” 

Chiron nodded “Everyone goes at their own pace. Is there anything that makes it particularly hard?” 

“I guess not really knowing much. In my head it's easy to imagine but in real life I just- just can't and I don't know what to do or how to do it-” he began to ramble before being cut off 

“Research” 

“What?” he asked, confused

Chiron cringed “I mean, you can look online for answers to specific questions.”

“I think only porn would come up,” he said flatly

“Well watch some porn then.” he said in an equally flat tone “Or,” he paused “try things out, experiment, ask whats good and what's not, learn things from experience.”

His face flushed “that's so embarrassing.” 

“No it's not” the older man chided. 

“Sorry am I meant to fucking blow someone then ask them how they rate it out of ten?” he said frustratedly 

Chiron stifled a laugh “Something like that yeah.” 

“Great.” 

“Mhm. Any other worries?” 

“Uh.. I feel weird that he wants to be a secret” he shrugged.

“Why?”

“I don't know. It makes everything feel less normal I guess.” 

“Less normal?” 

“Yeah. I feel like if I was a girl it would be more .. real, in a sense?”

He paused “Like, people could know. People would understand.”

Chiron nodded slowly. 

“Plenty of relationships are secret. It doesn't make it less real. I think the problem here is that you feel weird about dating a boy” 

“I dont-” he said defensively “its not me who feels weird. Its him.” 

“Does that upset you?” 

“Yeah. I just want to be a normal couple” he groaned. 

“Well I can't fix that. You need to talk about that with him. If he can't be comfortable with his sexuality you cant be comfortable with the relationship” 

“I mean I guess-”

“No. You need to tell him how you feel. Don't compromise your comfort for him” 

“Okay.” he said slowly “Okay, I will then” 

They stared at each other for a moment before Chiron spoke. 

“So have you been up to much apart from Achilles?” 

He stared at him with a flat expression before getting up and walking away to find Achilles. 

“Patroclus?”  called out chiron.

“Patroclus….?” 

Chapter Text

Saturday 21st December 2023

Patroclus had been wrestling with the idea of telling Achilles how he felt about everything, yet he still couldn't bring himself to do it. He had gotten close, though, at one point: the day after Chiron's visit, the 20th, when they were curled up in the home theater together watching whatever silly film Achilles had put on. 

It felt safe there. In the quiet darkness where the only noise was Achilles' occasional commentary, and their breaths mingling together as the film blared on. It was warm. Achilles had his head in his lap, he could feel their nimble fingers idly tracing patterns on his leg. 

He had tried to speak up, to ask if Achilles didn’t like being into guys, if he preferred girls over guys, yet he couldn't. 

All he could think of each time he tried was what Achilles would say. 

Would he reassure him? Insist that he just wanted some privacy? 

Would he be annoyed by his doubt in them? 

Would he say yes?

…

He just couldn’t.

So instead he focused on the film and continued petting their hair idly.

Which led to today. Where he definitely would not have the chance to tell Achilles how he felt until late evening. Namely because someone, someone, had decided to make an unannounced appearance. Maybe it wasn't unannounced, everyone else seemed to know she was coming but him.

In hindsight, he shouldn't have needed someone to tell him. The unearthly silence and all the warmth in the air vanishing should have warned him who was hiding before the front door that morning when he opened it, very much alone when he did so. 

Thetis. 

Tall, regal, scrutinizing, and fiercely beautiful.

She didn’t seem surprised to see him standing on the other side of the door, nor did she seem annoyed. Only a flicker of the faintest, most delicate curiosity crossed her icy features. 

She stood there for a moment, sizing him up before speaking, “Did your father not teach you how to welcome guests properly?” Her voice was melodious and measured, just like her sons, but carefully icy and disdainful, unlike her sons.

He swallowed thickly, still trying to process the fact that he just opened the door to Thetis, while he was alone, in his pajamas, no doubt looking a mess. He faltered before mumbling a confused apology and moving to let her in. 

She scoffed at his untrained mannerisms and all but floated in, her strides graceful and purposeful. 

“Where is my son?” she asked, turning once she reached the sofa, “Is he around?” one carefully shaped eyebrow raised a fraction. 

He felt his cheeks flush whether out of embarrassment or defensiveness to her clear elegance he didn't know. “He’s in bed I think” 

“You think?” she didn't seem pleased by this. 

“He was when I left his bedroom,” he said, only aware of the implications of his words and tone of voice too late.

This may be the only time anyone had ever seen Thetis show so much emotion. 

Her lips parted in surprise momentarily, her eyes narrowed and he heard the sharp intake of air before her expression disappeared back into that icy indifferent one she held before. 

“When you left his room?” her tone was politely interested now. 

He swallowed “When I left his room” he confirmed.

She took a step in his direction before hesitating and instead gingerly sitting on the edge of the sofa. “And why, pray tell, were you in his bedroom?” 

He took a moment before parting his lips to speak, only for her to cut him off. 

He caught a glance of her ungodly white, sharp teeth as she spoke this time, her voice raised if only by the slightest bit. “It better not be for reasons unproper.” she said coldly “I do not hesitate to dispose of anything in my son's way. If I ever caught wind of something as appalling as you laying a hand on him I will not hesitate to dispose of you. He doesn't need some greedy, immature teenage boy trying anything with him.” 

He had to bite back a response about her son begging him to ‘lay a hand’ on him, soft anger bubbling up in his stomach. 

“Never” was all he got out “I would never. He just asked me to sleep with him last night after we watched a film so I stayed in his room,” he said in an equal voice. He knew he was playing with fire, using the phrase ‘sleep with him’ to try to gauge another reaction, a strange satisfaction blossoming within him as he watched her struggle to respond. 

“You are not fit for him. Maybe as a passing entertainment but he has so much to do. He has success in his blood, surely you don’t think you are of the same importance?” she said, voice pointedly honeyed over.

He smiled flatly at that “I do not.” 

“Good” she said “Then we are in agreement.” 

She sat watching him reproachfully, not bothering to look around as Achilles padded downstairs, the boy frozen at the sight. He assumed a calculated expression all too similar to Thetis’ yet Patroclus could tell what he was thinking. He knew how conflicted the boy was, conflicted about what to do next.

Eventually, he decided. He spoke, voice measured but not as cold “Mother.” he said softly, moving towards her “I didn't know you'd be here so early or I’d have come down and greeted you-” his words are almost apologetic, he tries again when she doesn't respond “you look lovely, is that the new-” 

She cuts Achilles off “Did you have a good sleep angel?” 

The blonde is caught off by this but responds “Yeah, really good why?” 

Thetis' eyes narrow and glance sideways at Patroclus for a split second before darting back to her son. She scoffs and sits back against the sofa obviously irritated “Get out. Go get ready” 

“Mother..?” Achilles tries again, confused. 

“Go get ready! I don't have time for this”. 

Achilles seems caught off guard by Thetis' sudden mood change and looks away to Patroclus questioningly, who only shrugs, and tries not to smile as he watches them head back to their room. 

Later that evening Achilles returned after a day out with his mother and it seemed the first thing he wanted to do was curl up in bed and rant about his day to Patroclus. 

He talked about how he and his mother had lunch together, how they went to record some more songs, and how she was being so nice about his music all of a sudden. Patroclus was a little amused though when he heard Thetis had warned Achilles, trying to tell him that Patroclus was untrustworthy and an obstacle. It made him laugh, if it wasn't for him her son wouldn't have got through a lot over the last few months. But yeah, so untrustworthy...

On some level though he felt bad for Thetis'. Under that cold exterior she obviously just wanted the best for Achilles and his future. Not much else was under it though. It wasn't even an act, she was just naturally unfriendly and mean.

He gets up from his spot on the floor to join Achilles on the bed, running a hand up their calf to their thigh gently. The blonde stared at him with an amused smile “Are you even listening?” 

“What?” 

“I was telling you- or trying to at least, how some of my family is coming tomorrow, and how my father's Christmas party is soon, but you zoned out and came up here and started feeling me up-”  he smirked 

“I'm not feeling you up” he groaned

“So what do you call grabbing my leg like that?” 

“Being affectionate. Shut up” he complained.

 Achilles laughed and rolled his eyes. “I’ll do that.”

“So your family?” 

“Yeah. There's my dad's parents-  Aeacus, he's like my dad I guess but a little less friendly. He's a retired judge now and my dad's mum, Endeïs, shes strict and strong-minded, i think that's why she likes my mum so much. Not sure if she'll like you but my grandad probably will.” he shrugged 

“Why?” he said with a groan. Great, another relative who doesn't like him

“Well my dad likes you” he said, smiling at the expression on his face. “Look, don't worry about it; they know I trust you, they'll just be happy I'm happy. Besides, if they don't like you they can fuck off” 

He scoffs “you’ll tell them to fuck off?” 

“I’d tell anyone who even looks at you funny to fuck off” he says gently

He smiled and looked down at his lap, ignoring the fiercely loyal look in their eyes.

“Can't wait to see that” 

“It’ll be fun” he smiled, 

“Besides Ajax is coming, i know you two get along” 

He looks up at that “Ajax?” he feels a little relieved at that 

“Mhm, you can play with him!” he says mockingly 

He rolls his eyes “Yeah, me and Ajax will play while all the adults hang out-” he says sarcastically 

Achilles laughs. “Good. Teucer will also be there, Ajax's little half-brother, you haven't met him but he’ll like you. He's really smart but he's overlooked- he's always sucking up to me an Ajax so he'll probably suck up to you too” 

“He sucks up to you guys because your like, cool” he said lamely 

“Like, cool” he mocked 

“Oh shut up- you know what i meant” 

Achilles laughed “Your cool too. So much cooler then me. And hotter.” 

Achilles sat up, looping his arms around Patroclus’ neck, peppering honey sweet kisses all over his face.

Patroclus felt an almost roaring sensation deep in his stomach
“Gods- Achilles..” he began

He wanted so badly to let them just kiss him properly, yet Chiron's words very annoyingly kept floating to mind.

Achilles didn't listen to his hoarse whispered, 'stop'. 

“Achilles- “ he warned again, pulling back to stare at him 

Achilles watched him with those bright eyes. 

“Do you not like being gay?” 

Achilles face faltered “what?” 

“I mean- do you not like that I'm a boy” he blurted out

“... I like you. All of you” he answered calmly at the hurt look on the brunettes face 

“Yes but- do you prefer girls or guys? Would I be a secret if I was a girl or-” 

Achilles' expression shifted into something unreadable “I don't prefer guys or girls, I prefer you. No one else could ever measure up to you, regardless of gender or looks” he answered slowly “and yeah, i'd probably keep it private. For a million different reasons. I just think it will be better in the future to be public. Besides, if you want to be public ill tell everyone- if you really want me to” 

Patrocus’ breath seemed to release. He didn't even realize he had been holding it “No that's-” he paused and swallowed thickly “That's okay.” he shook his head “That's whatever.” 

Achilles leaned in again, pressing a kiss to the corner of patroclus’ mouth. 

Patroclus let his hands rest against their hips.

He gave in. 

His mouth met Achilles’ in a gentle embrace, their kisses as sweet as nectar. He let out a relieved hum, achilles lips were like water to a parched throat; soothing and intoxicating all at once. 

They fell asleep like that, gentle kisses exchanged in secret as the sky drew darker and darker, the only sound in the house being their heavy breaths and curious hands.

Chapter Text

Sunday 22nd December 2023

The morning air was sweet and cool as they sat out in the garden, cozied up on the garden swing chair. Achilles was sat down, legs outstretched, Patroclus parting them as he lay between their thighs, his head resting loyally on their lower abdomen. 

They didn't speak much, more just enjoying the moments of quiet before what would surely be a hectic day.  Not that Patrolcus was complaining, he was more than content to be exactly where he was. The view of the sunset, the early birds chirping, the heat of Achilles' inner thighs, the gentle touch as Achilles traced light patterns along his back… it was all perfect. 

Well.. Perfect until Achilles shot up, displacing a disgruntled Patroclus. 

“Fuck- they’re coming at nine” the blonde hissed, hands fidgeting with the hem of the overly large shirt he was wearing. 

He groggily sat up and fixed them with an annoyed glance “who?" 

Achilles shot him a scathing glance "My family"

"so? They aren't coming yet."

“Its half seven!” the blonde snapped anxiously 

“Your stressing yourself too much. That's plenty of time for you to get ready, relax” he said with a kind smile, standing to lay a reassuring hand on their shoulder and squeeze. 

“No- it's not.” he groaned “i don't want them to so me all sloppy-” 

He laughed “You're never sloppy” 

“Yes, i am- I look rough right now for one thing,” 

He rolled his eyes “rough in what world? I'm telling you your being too dramatic. Your hairs a little frizzy and your a bit wide eyed but apart from that you look fine” 

Achilles scoffed and gave him a pointed look “fine?” 

He grinned fondly “better then fine. Good. beautiful, gorgeous-” he began to list, only to get an exasperated eye roll form Achilles who turned on his heel and stalked off. 

Not too long later, a positively buzzing Achilles was waiting downstairs with Patroclus and his father for the guests to arrive. When they did, it was Achilles who stood to greet them, everyone smiling warmly at him and greeting him cheerfully. They then moved on to greet Peleus, who stood beside his son, his weathered hand lingering on his son's shoulder. 

Ajax, his brother, and his father Telamon were the first to enter. Both younger boys filtered past Achilles and Peleus after politely saying hello, however, Telamon stopped to talk to Achilles and his father, not bothering to give Patroclus a second glance. 

Ajax walked over to Patroclus, drawing him in for a brief hug, showcasing a wide and eager grin. 

Patroclus was warmed by this, happily talking with him for a few minutes before shifting his attention to the almost sulky looking boy trailing just behind his older brother. He didn't look too much like Ajax, but there were some similarities. 

He raised his eyebrows when he heard them speak 

“Who are you?” their tone was rather curious then disdainful. 

This must be Teucer.

He offered a gentle smile "A friend of Achilles."

The boy gave him a skeptical look 

“Friends don't usually stay with each other in the holidays. Didn't your family want you?” 

He laughs at that, really laughs. It's honestly the genuine curiosity and rudeness of the question that made him crack up. (Also the way Ajax shot his brother a disapproving look.) 

When he calmed down a bit from his fit of laughter he answered “No.” short, true, and quick.

Teucer opened his mouth to respond, but Ajax quickly nudged him in the side, “look- i'm gonna go get some water with Teucer, nice seeing you Patroclus-” he rambled, s hooting patroclus an apologetic look as he dragged Teucer away. 

Patroclus just smiled as he bit back another laugh only to be cut off when he felt someone tugging on his tops sleeve. He looked up to see a pair of alert eyes fixed on him, he tensed for a moment at the sudden contact before he registered who it was, allowing himself to be led to where Peleus was standing, now accompanied by an older man and woman. 

So this must be Aeacus  and Endeïs. 

Aeacus had an old, worn down face, eyes wise looking and a warm expression on his face, he had a thick beard and white wavy hair slicked back. His eyes crinkled in the corners as they offered Patroclus a warming smile. Endeïs however was watching him with a more reserved expression, only offering a small nod. She may be old yet she still had a strict, dignified look. Her hair now grey tied in a formal knot. 

Aeacus shook his hand, followed by his wife. 

“Peleus said you’d be staying here for the holidays, Achilles roommate?” The old man said with a smile 

Roommate. That's one way to describe them.

He nodded and forced a polite smile onto his face, begging himself not to embarrass himself.  “Yes. we grew up together and he asked me to stay for christmas.” 

Aeacus nodded “yes, Peleus knows your father.” 

The couple surveyed him almost questioningly before Peleus cleared his throat and asked to have a moment with his parents. Patroclus nodded and bid a polite goodbye.

It was later in the day after long conversations and a few stupid games with Ajax, Teucer and Achilles that Patroclus ran into Achilles' grandparents again.

It was in the living room where he found them.

Peleus and his brother were apparently in the kitchen drinking, according to  Endeïs anyway which left them alone. 

He was just planning on passing through but  Endeïs flagged him down, requesting he pour her a drink. He did so, obediently, topping up her glass of wine, causing Aeacus to laugh.

“You don't have to serve her like a servant,” the man smiled

 Endeïs shook her head at that.

He smiled awkwardly “Just trying to be polite.” 

 Endeïs nodded to that as she took a sip, Aeacus speaking again “and are you always this polite with our Achilles?” he said, referencing the way he poured their drinks without question. 

He paused, unsure of his answer. I mean technically he was. Achilles could ask him to jump from a roof and he'd probably do it for them. “I guess..?”

Aeacus laughed, watching him with peaked interest, he sounded like Peleus.

“Good. Peleus says he needs someone to manage that boy.” 

Patroclus just smiled awkwardly again, unsure of what to do. 

“Where is he anyway? I’ve barely seen him” said  Endeïs

He faltered “I think he’s still in his room with Ajax and Teucer”

she shot him a questioning look.

“Ma’am?” he tried. 

She nodded slightly at that. “Very well. You can go now.” 

He nodded uncomfortably and hurriedly left the room. 

At the end of the day, Patroclus was exhausted, while it had been fun seeing Ajax and his brother, and interesting to meet the rest of Achilles' family, he was so worn down. 

He couldn't even just relax with Achilles, because Achilles' mother had taken him out for dinner. Never mind the fact they had just had a big family lunch. 

This left him to watch Tv with a very drunk Peleus. 

The man was rambling about something jovially, hardly noticing when Patroclus poured himself a drink, and then another, and another…. And another. 

It seemed the only person who noticed and had to deal with him drunk, was Achilles, who seemed pleasantly surprised.  

Thetis hadn't stuck around or even walked her son up to the house, which meant Achilles came in unaccompanied. Patroclus seemed delighted by this, stumbling up to front door leaning into to kiss their cheek affectionately, deciding he couldn't care less about the fact that Peleus if he turned around would catch sight of all this.

Achilles laughed and flushed a pretty rosy colour, pulling back as he shut the front door “what's got into you- are you drunk?”  he laughed 

Patroclus could have sworn it was the prettiest laugh he’d ever heard, sweet like honey and fresh like spring water, warm like fire and beautiful. So beautiful.

He laughed too “uhm- a bit. Not really. Can't I just be really excited to see you” he fumbled his words as he leaned in again, kissing down their neck, smiling when he heard the other laugh again at the sensation. He had one arm wrapped over the top of their shoulders, the other holding their hand, his fingers gently pressing in against the soft flesh of their hands. He could feel the other's breaths grow a little heavier and their voice more confused. 

“Patroclus.. No-” 

“No?” he repeated breathlessly, looking up at them with heavy-lidded eyes, pupils blown out and gaze adoring. 

Achilles' gaze was kind and voice  gentle as he explained

“we aren't doing this” he said quietly “My dad's barely even out of hearing distance, and you're too drunk to- well.” 

“Your dad's half asleep.” he complained, hands moving to fumble with Achilles' jeans, earning an embarrassed gasp and quick reprimand from the blonde.  He let out a quiet whine which caused the others breath to hitch and forced them to look away.  He smirked at the reaction and moved his hands lower, rubbing over their crotch just to watch their face. 

The blonde flinched and let out a low groan at the feel of Patroclus' hands touching him. All he could feel right now was the burning heat swirling in his stomach and his heart beating rapidly. 

“Patroclus, i'm serious stop it” Achilles said, but his voice was strained and the expression on their face was so delicious 

“You're not into it?” he asked quietly, knowing what he was doing 

He let out a frustrated groan “we aren't fucking- you're too drunk and- my dad” he complained.

Patroclus frowned and moved to kiss their jaw again which lead to Achilles letting out an annoyed sigh. 

“Fine. What the fuck, my room.” Achilles spoke into his ear.

This would have been exactly what Patroclus would have wanted if had been able to get up the stairs. 

He kept stumbling, losing his balance and all in all just struggling to get up to the second floor, one step at a time. 

By the time Achilles managed to get him up the stairs, he wasn't exactly in the mood for anything anymore, he ended up just instructing a slightly over emotional Patroclus to just take his shirt off, put some joggers on and go take a nap. Which he did. But he complained about it the whole time. 

He seemed to calm down though as soon as Achilles got in with him, gently persuading him to just sleep it off. Which he did. Very happily. At some point or another he had convinced Achilles to talk to him about literally whatever, just so he could fall asleep to his voice.

Which made him very happy.

Monday 23rd December 2023

Today was a bad day. First thing he noticed when he woke up, was his pounding head, aching body and a very upsetting lack of boyfriend. 

His boyfriend had just up and disappeared, and it took five painful missed calls before he managed to get Achilles on the phone. The conversation went something like:

‘Hey, i'm a bit busy right now pat, i'll come see you later-’ 

‘Fuck off. Where are you?’

‘..with my mum?’

‘My head hurts.’

‘Then maybe don't call me?’

And that was pretty much it. Which made Patroclus miserable.

And his newfound miserableness didn't improve when Peleus kept trying to convince him to go get some fresh air with him, and it definitely did not improve when Achilles finally came home, had the worst attitude ever, and made him sleep in his own room. By himself. 

It wasn't until 11 at night he found and talked to Achilles alone in the kitchen while he was going to get some water. 

“Hey.” his voice was raspy and quiet.
“You okay? You were really pissed earlier.” he said softly, feeling a slight guilt for how the day had gone.

“Just stressed with my mum. And the party. My dad said I could stay in one of his apartments after the party though tomorrow. You can come too apparently.” 

“Oh thats nice of him” he said after an awkward pause

“It’ll be so he can bring people around here” the blonde murmured, snacking on his crisps dejectedly

Patroclus opened and closed his mouth before stuttering out an unsure okay in response

“Don't be so awkward about it. Hes rich and single technically, I don't think he cares that much about Christmas eve with us” 

The flat exhausted tone of the blonde made him cringe 

“I don't think it's like that” he mumbled quietly. 

“It is. Im old now” 

“Your fifteen” he reminded gently 

“whatever,old enough to not care about Christmas with me anymore.  Sorry for snapping earlier.” 

He moved closer to them and allowed them to hug him, a hand gently rubbing their back “Hey hey- that's okay.” he sighed into their hair. 

“You're just stressed” 

Achilles nodded gently against his shoulder.

Patroclus frowned at something he had only just realized “are you sure you've been with your mum all day?” he questioned

 “Yeah, why?” 

“You smell like smoke.” 

Achilles shrugged “Must have got caught in my hair.”

“...I guess.”

He wanted to press further but from the way Achilles was barely even awake right now he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Chapter Text

Tuesday 24th December 2023

The night had been quiet and reserved, a shared silence between both Achilles and Patroclus. Achilles had been tired, reluctantly asking Patroclus to stay the night in his room like usual. Patroclus did and made sure to hold them until they fell asleep. 

When Patroclus woke up Achilles was gone.

He wasn’t too worried, he just assumed that maybe Achilles needed some air, or just some time to himself. He got up though, just to check up on him just in case. 

He didn’t find him inside the house, so he left into the garden, where he saw the boy leaning against the garden shed cigarette in hand.

He stilled, a dull pang of disappointment and worry building in his stomach. It was only a split second until Achilles spotted him, freezing at the mix of emotions on the brunette’s face. 

With heavy steps Patroclus came up to Achilles, letting out a tired huff “I thought you weren’t a smoker.” he said flatly.

Achilles coughed and looked away, letting his hand holding the cigarette drop “it doesn’t matter.”

“It does!” he sighed “you said you didn’t know how-” 

“I know!” he scowled “Look I have so much on- I’m not like you I can’t just do what I want” 

Patroclus expression soured “I hardly just do what I want Achilles” 

“Oh yeah? What stress are you apparently dealing with?” 

He had half a mind to answer you, but he knew Achilles would probably lose his shit if he did.

“Look, I understand you’re going through a lot-” he tries after a deep breath

“But you don’t though! All my songs are shit, I look shit, everyone around me knows I’m shit-” he began to whine, lip wobbling as he looks away

He sighs heavily again before gently resting a hand on their shoulder “No one thinks that and you know they don’t. Just take a few deep breaths okay? You’re doing fine ‘chilles” he said softly.

The other boy nodded emotionally and leaned into the brunette’s side “sorry. I’m just tired. And the release dates soon, and mum wants me to take all these job offers and gigs- like- so much I will barely even be in school after january” he sounded miserable 

He offered them a cautious smile “Achilles…we’ll figure that out okay?” 

The blonde nodded huffily. 

“But for now, why don’t we just take a break ok? And maybe not smoking?” 

“No it helps” the blonde said “besides- you’d like it if you tried.” he raised the cigarette to his lips and sucked in

“Fine then, let me have some” he said, holding an expectant hand out to them awaiting the cigarette to be passed over. 

Much to his surprise though the other does something else, fingers gingerly grasping at his chin, forcing his mouth open slightly with a thumb that drags over his lip and between his teeth. The blonde maintains eye contact as he blows the wisps of smoke coiling around his lips into the brunette’s mouth. Patroclus inhales it without much thought, trapping the bitter smoke between them. 

He just stands there dumbly as the other pulls back, still not breaking eye contact. Did he just shotgun smoke to him? 

He blinks as he tries to process this, his throat feels tighter, there’s a hot feeling coiling in his stomach and Achilles is still just staring at him with those knowing eyes.

“Oh- uhm” 

“Did you like it?” he asks with a small smirk as he puts the cigarette out 

“Yeah uh- it-” 

He laughs “god you're pathetic, I just thought it'd be funny to do that instead and your reacting like this” 

“Who taught you that?” he asks 

“Someone my mother knows.” 

“Who?” 

“He’s older than us by like two years, he works where I recorded my songs, he did it to me” he says smugly 

“Excuse me?”

“What?” he laughs “jealous?” 

“Well it seems like flirting” 

“It was, but i told him i had a boyfriend” 

“You did?” he was still a little irritated 

“Yeah, i told him your really hot and that you’d beat him up” 

He rolled his eyes at that “I can’t beat people up” 

“Fine then I guess i’ll let people flirt with me” he shrugged before walking off 

He watches confusedly “No that’s not what I meant-” he calls out, but Achilles doesn’t bother looking back.

It’s seven pm now and they’re both getting ready, well Achilles is. 

Patrocus was already dressed in the suit picked out for him, he’s already freshly showered and already waiting to go.

Achilles however, is barely dressed, still fussing over his looks and seems blissfully ignorant to the fact the party starts at seven thirty.

He tries to hurry them up, placing a hand on their lower back and complimenting how they look. 

“I’m not ready yet.”
 

“But you look really nice.” 

“Nice doesn't get you a good rep.”

“Your version of nice does.” 

Achilles rolled his eyes 

“Look-” he tried gently “You don’t want to go do you?”

“Its not that” Achilles mumbles “I just don’t want to go and see everyone. Everyone ‘s going to ask about my work, or what I’m up to and I’m going to have to answer and everyone has just got these ideas and I just- it's overwhelming” he was picking at his hands

He pressed a kiss to their temple and wrapped his arms around them lightly “I know. You're going to do fine though okay? We’ll sneak off when you're too overwhelmed” 

“Really?” 

“Mhm.” he squeezes slightly “How much longer until you're ready?” 

Achilles shrugs “Just let me get my shoes on” 

He smiled slightly at their downcast expression. This time, he kissed their cheek, " Good boy—I’ll wait downstairs.” 

He didn't catch the expression on Achilles’ face after he said that, but maybe he would have known what was coming if he did.

The first part of the evening was easy.

 As much as Achilles seemed to flourish in the crowds despite not wanting to do it, Patroclus could tell something was wrong after about an hour when Achilles rushed out and came back smelling of smoke and cologne. He didn't follow, choosing to just let him be. However the second time Achilles hurriedly excused himself in the middle of their meal, he got up and rushed out to follow them. He caught them outside the building, anxious and overwhelmed looking. He was walking pretty much as fast as he could to the pavement which Patroclus struggled to catch up to without running. 

He didn’t want to run but he did end up doing so when someone on the street approached Achilles, a random man, maybe drunk warbling on about something.. The blonde seemed so lost in whatever he was feeling that when the man started going on at him he didn’t respond. 

Patroclus did. Call him dramatic but seeing his very upset boyfriend be all but yelled at by a random drunk man was stressing him out. He didn’t hesitate to try put himself between them, earning a few harsh words from the man. 

This didn’t last long though, he swung at them within a few moments. 

Which is how he ended up sitting on the kitchen island of Peleus’ apartment while Achilles patched him up. He had a few nasty bruises, a split lip and a gash on his cheekbone. He wasn’t that hurt though, more just a bit embarrassed. Technically he had won the fight yet here was still bruised and battered. 

Achilles didn’t appear to care though. His hands were light and gentle as they turned his face to the side to clean the blood of his cheek. 

“You didn’t have to do that” his voice was uncharacteristically flat. Not in a bored, dead way, but in a weary gentle way.  

“Sorry I just panicked- you seemed upset and I-” his throat felt tight “I’m not violent” he said hoarsely. He was trying to not remember what he had done to that boy, why he had to be sent away. He had pretty much managed to clear his mind of it but right now it was getting hard.

Achilles hesitated an almost knowing look on his face before he spoke “I know. You never meant to hurt anyone properly” 

He considers their words and wonders for a moment if they knew what he had done. But he remembers when they first met and Achilles asked why he had been disowned and he hadn't told him. Why bother asking if he already knew? And besides, Achilles would’ve brought it up if he knew. 

“I just worry about you”  he said after a while

“I know. I was just finding it overwhelming, besides it wasn't all bad tonight” 

“It wasn’t?” 

Achilles fixes him with a coy smile “No. It was hot watching you fight. Even if you got hurt” he teased

His face warmed a fraction “Oh gods shut up-” 

“No I’m being honest, you look good like this, I don’t care what you do anyway. You're not a mean person you just do what you think is best.” 

He shrugged and looked away as he felt their hand touching at his lower abdomen, an interested flock of butterflies suddenly twirling around inside him. 

!STOP READING IF YOU DONT WANT TO READ SEX!

“You know, I wouldn't mind letting you ruin me like that” 

“What? You want me to hit you?” he asks a little caught off 

“No. I want you to fuck me.”

He pauses, his mind reeling at their words “But we haven't even got anything to-” 

“I did it all before we left” 

“What?”

“After you left the room while i was getting ready  I decided you were getting it” 

He just stares at them blankly as his mind short circuits. 

It isn't long until Achilles is kissing him, and he’s sliding off the counter top to get closer, impossibly closer to them.

He can feel how charged and hot the air surrounding them has suddenly became, each breathy noise escaping the blondes lips, each wandering finger tracing against his skin. 

All he manages to focus on is the heat and wetness of their mouth, and how at some point his hands had migrated to their ass, and how Achilles was letting him touch as he please like it was nothing.

It was everything.

They taste like honey and their lips are needy and fast and he just- he just needs this so bad.  He can't even be embarrassed by the racket he’s making or the fact he’s being so grabby, the only thought that enters his mind is that he shouldn’t have spent so much time waxing poetry about how pretty the other is or their hair and whatever, he should have been focusing on this. 

He lets out a low moan as he feels their hand palm over his crotch, his trousers suddenly feeling all too tight. It’s just too much, the way their eyes are watching him, their ragged breaths and messed up hair. 

He knows he shouldn't do this, and that this probably isn't the best time but gods above he wants, and he’s suddenly realizing how maybe he’s wanted this for months without realizing it. I mean hey, you don't hang around Achilles without feeling want. It's an all consuming burning want that sets alight to everything within you- one that cant be put out, just ignored.

He rests his head against their shoulder to escape from those knowing eyes, he feels hot and desperate and he nearly loses it when their free hand starts stroking his hair. They murmur gentle encouragement in his ear. He can't tell if they’re making fun of him. He realizes he doesn't care. 

“Achilles” he manages to gasp as they squeeze slightly harder. 

“Uh huh?” 

He looks up hazily “where did you learn this?” 

His mind feels foggy and confused, blinded by the feel of the other 

“No where. I've never slept with a guy.” 

“Oh” he mumbles, back to letting them stroke. He can't think to string a sentence together so instead he pushes their hand away, “let me-” 

“Let you what?” the blonde asks with a smirk. 

“Well don't I need to do something before.. Like I know you did stuff but..?” only now does he feel awkward. Achilles appears to be sheepish too now.

“Oh uhm. yeah. I’ll walk you through it okay? I've seen things online, besides i've had friends explain it to me.” 

He nods eagerly. 

He watches with baited breath as they strip. They grab his hands, coating two fingers in a thin sheath of spit, hot and warm. The image of them sucking his fingers makes him feel more desperate by tenfold. 

They guide his hand to where they want it then instruct him. 

It's weird, he finds. Not really unpleasant- just strange. It's hot and warm and tight. And he feels a bit strange at first about what he’s using his fingers for but the feeling soon leaves. He checks on them every few moments and they seem okay with it, if a little jumpy- nervous even. He doesn't go fast for fear of hurting them. 

“Is this alright-? Like does it feel okay?” he questions, thrusting his fingers in and out as they told him to. 

The blonde’s face was hidden in his shoulder “Mhm. it's okay.” he whimpered. The tips of his ears were bright red. 

He nods quietly and keeps going. 

Achilles grows impatient eventually and things move fast. He’s bent over on the kitchen counter and Patroclus can barely think. 

His hand is flattened on the low of their back and the other is leaning against the countertop. 

His breath is ragged and all he can feel is the dull throb beating away below. 

He listens to Achilles as he slowly and awkwardly pushes his dick in. 

His hips stutter as he finally found himself buried within them. He heard the blonde cry out and tighten a fraction. He freezes like a deer in headlights “shit- is that meant to happen?” he looks down at their flushed face pressed up against the marble. 

“Patroclus” they breathe out “can you just get a fucking move on?” 

He could hear the embarrassed whine in their voice and he had to resist the urge to snicker. He leans down to press messy open-mouthed kisses to their parted lips as he bucked his hips in and out aimlessly at a steady rhythmic pace.  

The feeling was immense and unbelievable. Patroclus cursed himself for ever taking so long to enjoy Achilles like this.

The sounds that escaped both their mouths were loud, unrestrained and sinful. Patroclus only watched with hazy eyes as he listened to the shameless begging words of the other. They didn't even make sense. 

He adjusted his hands to hold onto their hips, fastening them in place as he fucked into them at an increased speed. The disjointed stream of curses that sprung from their lips was all the encouragement he needed to keep going despite the overwhelming feeling. 

The air was thick and hot, the smell of sweat and sex filling his senses as he felt a familiar warmth settle in his abdomen. 

It didn’t take long for Achilles to come undone, and Patroclus watched with great satisfaction as they did, taking note of each reaction. 

He noticed they were close by the way their back arched slightly, especially when he gently tried to rub a hand gently over the flushed skin and they flexed away from the touch as a low mewl crawled out their throat. Then there was also the way their words caught in their throat, spilling from his lips as broken sobs as he struggled. And the squirming. Despite Achilles noises of pleasure the boy seemed unable to handle the feeling, and then there was the weird tightening feeling that made patroclus damn near lose his mind. 

The sight of them coming undone was beautiful. 

He could understand why people enjoyed sex- obviously, but no one cared to mention how beautiful it could be. No one bothered to tell him how stunning some people looked, fucked out and messy.

The sight alone was what did it for him, his breath hitching and hips stuttering as he came. 

He rode out the high for a few more moments before he stopped, bent over them exhaustedly, breaths ragged and mind fuzzy. 

Achilles below him is also catching his breath, managing a weak ‘fuck you’ which only makes him laugh. 

“What, again?” 

The blonde scoffs and lets out a light giggle. 

“It was good” he mumbles as Patroclus eventually pulls out and away 

“I know” he says exhaustedly “you're so hot” he tells them, eliciting another sweet laugh from them. 

Getting cleaned up is messy, and after a quick shower Achilles sits on the sofa and just watches Patroclus panic as he tries to clean up the kitchen, accompanied by Achilles taunting him about ‘what if my dad comes here tomorrow or something and sees?’

He ends the night cuddled up to them in the bed, body heavy like lead and tired. 

All in all his day ended pretty fucking amazing.

Chapter Text

Hihihihihi!

there will be an update this week hopefully!

the only reason I haven’t posted yet is because I’ve decided to write my own book :) 

theres a few updates in my fanfic Chrysos and ashes though if you’re looking for something to read until I can update!:) 

honestly between GCSE’s, studying, trying to write my own book (and hopefully get published)!, and my other fanfic I’m writing rn, it might mean updates are a little slower then usual :(

thank you guys for sticking along this far though :)! 

Chapter Text

Wednesday 25th December 2023

  - Christmas

The air in the foreign room Patroclus awakes in is hazy and hot, clouded with a thick tiredness.

His eyes take a moment to adjust to the sights around him, laden with the residue of sleep, but once they adjust he sees the bedroom where he passed out with Achilles last night.

He sighed and pressed his lips to the back of Achilles neck, the soft skin there left uncovered. Achilles stirs at this, turning a slightly disgruntled face back to look at him.

“What?” his voice is hoarse with lack of use 

Patroclus smiles lazily at that, eyes flitting down to their lips before leaning forward in an attempt to catch them. Achilles quickly ruins this idea though by backing away, a fond eye roll and scoff escaping that perfect face of his.

“Stop that.” 

Patroclus raises his eyebrows “what? Why?” 

Achilles scoffs “I just woke up, haven't even brushed my teeth.” 

Patroclus frowns and changes his position to press a kiss against the bare of his shoulder which leads to more kisses trailing up his neck. 

Achilles laughs and shoots him a glare “stop it.. 'M not in the mood.”

“But it's Christmas baby” he grins, pressing a kiss to the junction of his shoulder and neck, eager to get some semblance of affection from his Achilles.

“Baby..?”  the sarcasm practically drips from the one word that forces itself past Achilles unwilling lips

He grins and nods, stopping himself from laughing at their tone. 

Achilles rolls over, shifting to climb into his lap where Patroclus’ hands find purchase on his hips. “You're acting different” 

“No, I'm not”

“Yes, you are. You don't call me baby like that just for waking up” 

“I'm just happy to see you, honey”

Achilles scoffs “Honey?” 

“Yep” he pops the ‘p’ specifically, a lazy happiness stirring inside him.

“Why, because I put out?” 

Patroclus considers his answer carefully before responding “No, because I love you”  he knows his words are heavy and maybe slightly inappropriate for his age but he doesn't care. It's all just feelings, ones he wishes to share.

Achilles stiffens at that, the disdain and hesitancy clear on his face, it's like Patroclus can see the wheels turning in his head “Big word”

“Four letters” he sighs, thumbs pressing in against his hips

Achilles pulls a face at that “Not exactly what I meant. I just- I'm happy you fucked me. It was great. But that isn't an excuse to act like this.”

“Achilles I've loved you since forever” he sighs

“Okay.”

“I just felt like I should tell you now.” 

"it's okay to not love me."

"but I do?"

"do you?"

"always."

"i'm not sure why." 

"you're just who I want okay? I don't get it either." he lies, a blatant fat lie. He could write a thousand reasons and more why he adored Achilles.

Achilles nods “Okay.” he dips down to try to kiss him, only to be stopped by Patroclus hand. 

“But I haven't brushed my teeth yet?” he murmurs softly, fake concern etched on his face, trying to lighten their slightly dampened mood with gentle teasing.

Achilles pulled back to laugh “You're a dick.” 

“The best one hopefully” he grins

“We’ll see”  

Patroclus scoffs, gently nudging Achilles off his lap to get up and stand, pulling the curtains open. 

“You hungry?” he questions, watching the boy curled up in the thick blankets and duvet out the corner of his eye. A sight he could never get bored of.

“Uh huh. Get in the kitchen and make me something” Achilles mumbles, seemingly less affectionate than Patroclus this morning. 

“Gonna come with?” he asks, the corners of his lips turning up at the demand 

Achilles' cheeks colour a dusky pink “not right now”

“Why, what's up?” he asks, a smirk forcing it's way onto his face, it's not often Achilles looked so bashful. 

“I… you know. Just don't feel up to it” achilles says, a fake air of confidence clouding around him, one Patroclus could see through in an instant. 

“You're sick?” 

“100%”

“On Christmas?” 

“Yeah. Bummer” 

Patroclus raises a skeptical eyebrow “Don't seem that sick.” 

“Well. Sickness is technically subjective” 

“Is it?” 

“Oh yeah.” 

“Come on get up, we’ll find you some medicine” 

“Just bring it to me please?” 

“No, cmon, help me look.” 

Achilles gives him a frustrated huff when he realizes Patroclus won't let up. He stands with a stifled gasp, nose scrunched up in what could only be described as pain. 

“You good?” hes quick to ask, the sight of pain on Achilles' face causes his insides to twinge uncomfortably

“Never been better” Achilles huffs as he awkwardly walks towards him. 

“Why is your walking so fucked?” he teases. 

Achilles glares at him “Because I'm fucked! Past tense. Because- you, we-” he stutters, clearly embarrassed. 

Patroclus doesn't get what he means straight away but when he does he just bursts out laughing. “What you're like sore or something?” 

“I mean yeah a bit-! That was my first time doing that Patroclus! Don't be a dick about it” he grumbles. 

Patroclus just smiles and offers him a gentle hand “I'm sorry. I'll try to be less of a dick next time.”

“Won't be a next time if you always act like this after sex.” 

“I think there will be a next time.” 

“Oh? What makes you so sure?” Achilles deadpans as they exit the sleep-stirred bedroom. 

“You know, I just have this effect on others.”

“Oh really?” 

“Uh huh, just my raw sex appeal,--”

Achilles bursts out laughing at that. Patroclus answers with a playful mock indignation at his laughing, pretending to be offended by his doubtfulness, but really, he doesn't recall ever being happier.

Call him sappy but he’s even dared to imagine their future being something like this, soft warm mornings in their own apartment, sex every night on the kitchen table, maybe. 

Maybe.

Hours later after a slow, lazy breakfast, they wind up on the sofa watching some shitty movie. Achilles' cheek is pressed against his chest, eyes closed and breathing heavy. He would be sure the blonde had simply passed out if it wasn't for the slightly slow, nonsensical questions tumbling from his lips every now and then. 

His hand cards through the wavy mess of tangles strewn across achilles back when the boy speaks up. 

“Presents?”

“Hm? Presents?” 

“Yep. I've got some stuff coming for you.. online. “

He hums at that, guilt starting to claw at him and before he can stop himself he bursts out with it “i didn't get you a Christmas present.” 

Achilles bothers to open his eyes for this “worst boyfriend ever-” he calls put in a lazy drawl

He rolls his eyes “Look there's just been so much going on and- I wouldn't even have it on me right now if I had bought one…”  he tries to reason 

“I don't care, it's whatever. Just take me on a date when you get the choice,” he mumbles, eyes closing gently again

Patroclus hums noncommittaly “i'll put it in my calendar” 

he pauses then considers it, “Now how about this for Christmas, we, should go out. Do something fun.” he proposes 

Achilles lets out a yawn “what is there to do? Its Christmas, idiot, everywhere's closed.”

“There's a Chinese restaurant not too far away that's open.” he grins “A start to all the dates I plan to take you on?” 

He looks up at him “Alright. Let me get ready first okay?” 

Patroclus nods as Achilles sits up and presses a kiss to his lips “merry Christmas.” 

“Happy Christmas” he whispers back.

Achilles glances at his lips and leans in for another kiss, then another, and another. 

They walk hand in hand down the pavement, bundled up in big thick coats and scarves, a steady onslaught of snow sprinkling down on them as they walk. Everything goes great, they get into the restaurant, get seated order their food and are in conversation when Achilles' words die in his throat. 

He looks up, putting down his fork “what's wrong? Something go down the wrong way?” he asks and when Achilles doesn't respond he has to prompt him into talking, “cmon, you were telling me all about your social media-” he pauses to take a bite “brand deals and that sort-” 

Achilles just locks eyes with him and with an oddly calm voice tells him in an almost delicate manner to please, ‘shut the fuck up’

He chokes on his mouthful and stares at him blankly. 

Achilles bangs on his hand impatiently. “Turn around- they're-”

He raises his brows and turns to look behind him “what, i don't-” and then he sees it.

Taller then any one around her, black hair trailing elegantly down her back. The air in his lungs seems to be sucked out, cold running down his skin. 

“What is she doing here?” a laugh slips from his lips, it's ridiculous how out of place she looks here. This is no VIP dining experience, no five-star restaurant and these aren't the top-of-the-line people she is usually surrounded with. Weird how human she looks in the ambient lighting, more beautiful than intimidating.

“No, look who she's with Pat..” his voice is weak and trails off. 

Right across from her was sat Peleus. 

He tries to come up with something to say but just as he thinks he has the right words on his tongue he notices that Peleus is joined by another woman. Not too young, not too old. The woman flashes a pretty ring on her finger to Thetis.

A beautiful gold band and a large diamond right in the smack middle of it.

Thetis face is blank, as always, never showing her cards.

He doesn't understand at first, and then he does.

Peleus is beaming, Thetis lips are ever so slightly pulled down. and this woman, this stranger, beside Peleus? his ...fiance? She seems overjoyed.

Just as he turns to gauge Achilles' reaction he flees from the restaurant, chair clacking against the floor noisily. 

He gets up quickly and quickly follows the flash of bright hair that darts out the entrance of the restaurant.

Chapter Text

His feet don't seem to carry him quick enough to Achilles' side in the cold outside, shoes slipping slightly as he comes to a hault beside the blonde; who looks like they're torn between sobbing and screaming. He doesn't exactly know what to say to them, he's not sure there is much he can say to them. He has no explanation, advice or comfort- only a strange confusion mingled with pity. 

"Achilles.." his gentle call is lost on the blonde who only turns with an enraged expression at his next words "cmon, your dad's allowed to move on, it was always going to happen-" 

Achilles laughs a bitter laugh and chokes out a strangled yell "Move on? He's fucking engaged and didn't bother to tell me." 

he tries to speak but Achilles doesn't let him "Just shut up! my dads never given a flying fuck about me, none! do you know what that's like? to be left out of something big like this? on a day like today? for your closest family to ignore you?" 

he words burn, ignite an old angry flame inside him yet he doesn't have it in him to yell back.

Because of course he knows, of course he does, and from where he's standing what Achilles' dad has done is nothing compared to how his own father treated him growing up, and don't get him started on any complaints about Thetis, because last time he checked a strict mom is better then a dead one. 

He thinks of saying this but he doesn't, just tries to give them a gentle reminder that yeah, he knows exactly what it's like. "forget who my dad is?" he offers dryly, a small, faint smile ebbing at his lips. 

Achilles stares at him, nostrils flared before taking a shaky breath and speaking "I'm sorry. okay? but this is different" 

"It is" he doesn't deny it "but don't take it out on me." 

Achilles nods hesitantly but accepts his words all the same "Yeah. sorry- i shouldn't have yelled like that, it was mean." 

"'ts fine. look, i'm not going anywhere, i'm right here for you okay? we'll figure out what to do together" 

"i should go back in there and say something right?" Achilles mumbled, still angry but tired sounding now.

he shakes his head softly "No, i don't think so. I think you should take some time to gather your thoughts and then approach the situation with a clear head."

Achilles gives him a scathing look but doesn't argue back, he knows the words ring true. 

"cmon, I say we go to your dad's place, and you confront him when he gets back alright? give you some time to calm down a little, you can write down what you want to say- you'll feel better for it- trust me." 

Achilles rolls his eyes but complies silently when Patroclus pulls him in for a hug. 

he kisses the top of their snow flecked hair "i promise our next date will go better." he jokes.

Achilles scoffs and laughs at that. 

"hopefully, your track record with dates isn't very good right now."

"it will be." 

"mm.. you'll have to prove it to me"

"anyway you want" he promises softly

It didn't take long for them to get back to Peleus' main house and to Achilles' room.

Achilles sits at his desk per Patroclus' instruction and writes a list, with Patroclus' help obviously, and gives it to Patroclus for him to review. 

QUESTIONS FOR DAD.

1- how long has this been happening?

2- whats her name?

3-what was mom's opinion?

4-why didn't you tell me?

5- who is she/how do you know her?

6-when was i going to find out?

7-did you give us the apartment so you could spend Christmas with her instead of me?

He thinks they're all fair questions and probably the right ones to give Achilles closure. 

He admittedly doesn't think the conversation will go well, Achilles is prideful and explosive when it comes to his family yet he knows it has to happen so with a hesitant heart he lets Achilles descend downstairs to confront his father who they hear come in through the front door.

In the meantime he lays down in Achilles bed and waits. 

It doesn't take long for the yelling to start- he's not sure Achilles even gets a full sentence out or an answer back before diving headfirst into a screaming match. 

Its funny how it reminds him of being a little boy again, listening to his father yell tirelessly downstairs at his mother, an employee, some cheap affair or even himself once he was old enough to be frightened by his father's words. He doesn't like that his mind forces those memories to the forefront of his mind- he's thinking of his boyfriend, not his dad. His dad was mean and angry and sick, Achilles is none of those things, though it was hard to convince himself of that when he couldn't even hear anyone else yelling back at Achilles. Peleus- possibly his fiancee, were downstairs taking the yelling, accepting the way he had done so many times before, without a second thought of whether he deserved it or not.

after a while of forcing himself to be distracted by his phone, he notices that the yelling stops, a loud slamming noise of the front door echoes after it. He assumes that maybe the fiance has left- hell maybe Peleus left if he came here alone. 

In lieu of this thought he creeps down the stairs tentatively ready to soothe down the anger he's sure is bubbling up Achilles.

down in the kitchen though he is met with a foreign site, Peleus and the woman conversing quietly over two glasses of wine, the woman has the nerve to laugh feebly at some muttered joke from Peleus. 

He stands in the doorway not quite welcomed enough to yell his own feelings but not quite disloyal enough to not back up Achilles anger. 

Being calm is wrong but so is being enraged, he considers both options before the woman notices him, startles and Peleus lets out a heavy sigh.

"Patroclus.. you saw everything in the restaurant?" 

he opens his mouth as if to reprimand the man but falls silent and nods. 

Peleus nods in return. "well, he's gone" 

"huh?"

"Achilles, hes gone" 

"You kicked him out?" his voice is dry and confused 

"No, hes stormed off to see his mother, God knows when he'll be back."

"Oh." 

he stands there dumbly while the woman awkwardly offers him a glass of wine. 

He's all too quick to deny it, a hint of disgust playing in his words, teasing at his true feelings. 

He hadn't hated the idea of Peleus moving on before, but seeing someone so comfortable, a stranger, in his boyfriend's kitchen, felt wrong, perverse- she was just some cheap lousy affair of Achilles' father that had upset Achilles. Much like the ones that used to saunter around his own house years ago. 

he has to force himself to exit after that thought, hate and irritation bubbling inside him, at Peleus, at the woman, at Achilles for leaving him all alone in the middle of this shit.

It's hard not to feel unwelcome and lonely after the one person who probably cares for him the most leaves him without warning just like so many before, but sometimes, he wonders. He's never part of Achilles' plans, never really taken in consideration, and Achilles always does as he pleases anyway- so how much does Achilles really care? because, yet again, he's more just a beloved afterthought of the blonde's. 

He feels powerless to stop this ongoing cycle of never being anyone's main focus, not even his own focus. Briseis would call it poetic maybe, always the artist never the muse- right after she finished shit-talking Achilles for leaving him at his house alone with no warning. 

And he knows this is all very melodramatic and that in reality he too could leave but where does he have to go except school or Achilles' arms?

he mulls the question over and over and realizes he has nowhere.

nowhere but where Achilles is right now, because that's what his life was, one big uninteresting diary about Achilles.

He couldn't imagine anyone wanting to read or listen or watch anything about his life- surely they'd get sick of his moping pretty fast.

it's clear now that while he's hung up on his past, his current and non-existent future, Achilles is hung up on his need to be seen. Adored. Appreciated.

A doubt eats at him, peels back layers of his insides, tears it's sharp claws at any raw feelings it can get at. 

Hes not very sure he can go on like this. 

Chapter Text

JANUARY 2024

The morning that greets him is gray, rainy, and bitter. 

Patroclus can't find himself to enjoy the foggy, cool weather the way he usually would- his mind is a mess. He's had no contact from Achilles, he's been stuck with Peleus for the last week and a half, and school starts today. So in conclusion, things are pretty shit for him right now.

The chauffeur ride to school doesn't help much either- he gets there early, half-packed bag carried to his room for him, where tentatively- delicately, he hopes Achilles is waiting. 

He's met with the hard sight of an untouched bed and undisturbed room. 

Achilles wasn't here yet. And with the lack of texts from him, was it stupid to assume he would be here? Maybe a bit childish on his part.

Patroclus isn't fully sure on that one, and isn't completely sure he wants the answer either.

It's so easy to think of Achilles as perfect, but the second the dust settles and he's no longer Achilles' favourite thing of the day the fantasy disappears and all that's left is a sad, weak, pathetic feeling. He contemplates waiting for Achilles, trying to call him again, and quickly realizes that even if he makes contact, wouldn't it all be pointless?

So, with a heavy heart, Patroclus sits down on his freshly changed bed, closes his eyes, and tries to relax. Soon the school would slowly filter through the hundreds of students, his timetable would resume- surely some people would be interested to see him, he would have to talk, and maybe worst of all, meet Achilles.

He stares blankly around the room as he lies there, mind busy. 

The cleaners have taken down all the posters and photos by Achilles' bed- something Achilles will have a fit about, no doubt, to his father. And now that he's looking properly, his usual clutter is gone too; hair ties, his guitar pics, plants, random earrings. Everything's gone. 

Well, not entirely gone, his guitar's there, but pretty much most of his things have been thrown away or shoved into a jumbled box of misplaced items, left at the foot of the bed. He considers just chucking the box off the balcony in a bitter flash of amusement, just to start an argument with Achilles the second he comes into the dorm, but that thought's quickly cut off by the door swinging open to reveal a disgruntled Achilles. 

Achilles stands there, expression quickly flicking away from perplexed to irritated "You're early."

Anger boils in his stomach at their words; he can't even get an apology? I mean, seriously, the first time Achilles talks to him in days, and that's what he chooses to say?

"You were gone," a pointed jab at the blonde as he sits up groggily. 

Achilles has the nerve to roll his eyes and come join him on the bed "so..?" 

Patroclus laughs coldly and throws his hands up in indignation, "You left with no warning? You completely threw me into the deep end of your shit with no explanation." he hesitates, "It hurts Achilles, why can't you ever seem to make this work?"

Achilles bristles, "My mommy wouldn't let you come with me now, would she? don't be such a baby" 

Patroclus considers arguing back but ultimately just scoffs and curls back up in bed, which seems to annoy Achilles more then him arguing back "Don't be lazy- get up" he snaps, reaching down to grab the brunette's hair roughly. 

This only results in a half-hearted, tired sort of fight. Achilles is on top doing his best to rip out some hair, and Patroclus is trying his hardest not to just swing for the other. 

Eventually, Achilles lets go after Patroclus finally admits a pained hiss. 

"why- just why?" says Patroclus, exasperated and exhausted 

"if you were angry, you would have hit me." Points out Achilles, as if he's just ruined Patroclus' arguement.

"I am angry. I'm not going to hit you" 

"Then you're not really angry are you? just sulking" 

"If I took off in the night with no warning and ignored you, wouldn't you sulk?" Patroclus snaps, a headache beginning to form in the front of his head

"well, you can't take off, you have no friends." 

Patroclus now definitely wants to hit the other yet but by some strength of god he doesn't.

"why'd you leave Achilles?" his voice is drained and hurt. 

Achilles hesitates then answers awkwardly, "I wanted some space." 

"from your dad?" 

Achilles pauses then hesitantly nods "Suppose so."

He cringes, then speaks again, "This is all coming to an end, though. School- I mean. I have about a million gigs coming up, and an album out. My mom made a point.." 

Patroclus feels his heart drop, and suddenly he's listening with wrapped attention, "What?" 

"Let's put this on hold." 

Patroclus freezes, contemplates, and then splutters, confused "This?" he gestures erratically between them. 

"well... yeah." Achilles frowns "I still care about you, but- you know, this is my career Patroclus." 

Patroclus just stares blankly, "and this is us. We- Achilles don't do that. Don't pretend this is necessary, we both know it's not." 

Achilles looks away "It is" 

Patroclus is standing now, anxiously pacing "Was it the sex, your dad getting engaged- I don't understand what's scaring you off-" 

Achilles wrings his hands out awkwardly "it's not I just- Patroclus, listen I-" 

Patroclus stops and turns to face them, biting his lip painfully 

"We aren't breaking up- I just won't be here much and-" 

"So bring me with you!" he snaps. "Go on- do it-"

Achilles frowns "No." 

Patroclus sighs, "Why? tell me why." 

"your a distraction I can't bring you. and- my mom- she doesn't think you're a good look in press"

"what?" 

"you don't have a great past, you're not well known, and well- you're you." he gestures weakly. 

Patroclus swallows the sick feeling buried in his gut and just nods. A break was better than losing him. right? 

and when Achilles kisses him, it tastes hurt.

FEBRUARY 2024

Soon, his first month alone passes. It's hard, awkward, and uncomfortable to say the least.

He only ever got to keep Achilles for a night before Achilles was twirled away again by some exciting opportunity. And don't get him wrong- the nights he gets to have Achilles are great. Sex, actual conversations face to face, affection; essentially, how it was meant to be all of the time. 

But that bitter resentment he harbours at their disappearances can't escape him- can't pry itself out of his gut. He pushes it down- tries to pretend it's not lingering, that he doesn't resent his boyfriend for succeeding, but sometimes it slips out. And he hates it. 

He really does want to be happy for him, but it's hard to feel that way all the time when he's so hurt. So alone.

But alas, Achilles- maybe slightly embarrassingly, had forced his way back to Patroclus for Valentine's Day, which is why they now sit in a cafe, eating cake. And why Patroclus is pretending that the hurt doesn't exist.

Achilles talks on and on about the people he's meeting, the sort of photo shoots he's taking (like Patroclus doesn't get the photos exclusively sent to him each time), new album ideas, the interviews, and so on. 

Patroclus smiles, nods, and shares the occasional, brief moment of affection.

He hates that suddenly- the one very private thing he kept for himself was plastered all over the internet, for everyone. 

How everyone could see his photoshoots, listen to those songs written for Patroclus, and watch Achilles on TV. He hated it. Guilt ate away at him every day; he's not supposed to feel like this. 

"And what about school- do people miss me?" Achilles blabs on, oblivious to his inner turmoil

"Well, yes- of course they do. I miss you," Patroclus says with a small smirk

"You don't count, "Achilles teases 

"Why not?" 

"You always miss me."

He cracks a small. Timid smile at that, "I think it's you who misses me. You call me pretty much every night." 

"I'm trying to make this work." his foot is bumping pointedly against his shin, which Patroclus effectively ignores. 

"I know you are," he hesitates, "I just didn't realize you were going to be gone so much." 

Achilles grins, "Well, get used to it, it's only getting worse from here." Achilles teases, looking around before sharing a quick chaste kiss to Patroclus' lips- a soft noise escaping as he does so. 

MARCH 2024

As the easter holidays roll around, this rare occasion Peleus, his fiancée, Achilles, and Patroclus live comfortably at home again. 

Achilles has made his peace with his father, yet very clearly not his fiancée (a businesswoman named Larissa.)

Patroclus watches the contempt Achilles holds for her. The snappish conversations, disdainful glances, petty remarks. Part of him pities Larissa, wants to tell Achilles to be nice, but he can't. He's too scared to ruin the hard-earned peace between Peleus himself and Achilles. 

And besides, life's pretty nice right now. He and Achilles go on frequent dates, spend time together, talk properly this time. It's exactly what he needed. 

Like now, when they have one of their conversations in the gardens. 

Achilles rests comfortably on Patroclus' lap, tired and lazy. "I'm not sure I'll be here for the summer," he drawls

Patroclus looks down at their admission, the corners of his lips twitching up " no?"

"No." Achilles confirms, bringing the brunette's hand to his throat

There's a small pause where Patroclus realizes he never really expected Achilles to come back anyway.

"My mom keeps signing me for contracts- most of them abroad" 

"abroad abroad?" 

"very abroad" 

Patroclus smiles slightly "That could be fun. I'll miss you." 

Achilles smirks "then we'd better start making up for all that lost time, hm?" 

Patroclus laughs, "Maybe we should. "Maybe, maybe you could start by reminding me how good you are at certain things-" 

Achilles scoffs "I'm not sucking your dick. Nice try" which just causes Patroclus to burst into laughter. 

"so selfish" 

Achilles grins tiredly, "You're the selfish one. not me"

To which Patroclus just closes him off with a fond kiss.

He rolls over, on top of the blonde now, pulling up for air “I want to see you at least once, though.”

Achilles smiles lazily “You will. Just not the whole time. I’d miss my work.”

Patroclus considers this, then shrugs “Yeah that would suck. Pretty exciting seeing your projects. Hearing people talk about them.” Because it was.

He might not be that pleased with his lack of time with Achilles but he did enjoy seeing Achilles be so successful. I mean, it wasn’t all great. The slightly sexual shoots, the probing interview questions, the celebrity friends, but still- if Achilles was happy, he was happy.

Achilles distracts him with a kiss, then another, then another

MAY 2024 

Achilles spent the first few weeks of the month at school and then took off again. It still stung when he left, but ultimately, he was okay. Achilles' new schedule was something he had learned to cope with. Sure, Achilles leaving hurt. And yes, he did feel left out. Yet as time had passed, these feelings had gotten smaller. Manageable.

He had other friends to help him deal with it. Like, Briseis.

Briseis sat across from him on Achilles' bed, holding a stuffed animal that Achilles had bought for Patroclus. (An otter, he claimed, looked like Patroclus.)

”so what’s the big news about?” She asks with a small smile, “Achilles finally going to stay put in school for exams?”

Patroclus rolls his eyes “No, obviously not. He's not even going to be home for most of the summer so- I’ve been thinking, I’m going to go into foster care.” his last words tumble out quick and awkwardly as he waits for a reaction.

she pauses and looks confused, “but Peleus-“

”I don’t want to stay in that house alone with him and Larissa. I’ve talked to Chiron about it, he supports my idea. Peleus is only a temporary gaurdian. I’m going to go into foster over the summer, and I think Chiron will deal with my case workers and-“

She shakes her head no, a frown tugging at her lips, “Foster isn’t fun.”

Guilt twinges in his gut but he carries on “I know, but I think this is the best for me” he says quietly, fingers picking at each other 

she sighs unhappily but nods “if you're sure- but! You have to call me.”

he grins “I will, course I will. Don’t be stupid.”

he pauses "I just wanted your go ahead before I did anything, you know?" 

She smiles slightly "Yeah. I know. But seriously. Keep in contact with me alright?" 

JUNE 2024 

Sixteen candles flicker on a large cake, placed carefully in the sand. The cake is a pretty Victoria sponge, frosting flowers carefully placed among the candied fruit besides the sloping 16 written in blue frosting. A pretty cake for a pretty boy. 

He sings (badly) to Achilles upon his demand, who loves it. He's embarrassed by his poor voice, but the bright smile he gets in return makes him forget his childish feelings. how is he supposed to say no to that face? 

He shakes his head, embarrassed, and urges them to blow the little candles out and make a wish. 

Achilles, when he's done turns back to the brunette. "Gifts?" he asks chirpily

Patroclus rolls his eyes at the expected demand and pulls out a small box. “I didn’t have a lot of money. Sorry”

Achilles just waves him away with a hand and excitedly pulls the lid off the box. Inside is a small, delicate bangle. It’s silver, a few words carved on the inside of the bangle: ‘find the silver lining’

Achilles hasn’t reacted yet- if anything, he seems perplexed by the gift choice.
“why?”

Patroclus wrings his hands nervously. “I don’t know. I think you’re kind of my silver lining. You know, with everything that’s happened. I think you should find yours while you’re away.”

Achilles then pauses, then smiles slowly, “you're embarrassing!” He grins

He hugs Patroclus excitedly, hands gripping at the back of the brunette's shirt, nose pressed against his neck.

He laughs as he’s pushed down, “Happy birthday Achilles.” he murmurs. 

Achilles pulls back to look at him. "Want to know what I wished for?" and before Patroclus can tell him not to, he tells Patroclus anyway, "that you won't leave me." 

Patroclus shakes his head " I wasn't going to break up with you" 

"well, now you can't break up with me, die, move away, or anything before me- because I wished you wouldn't.

"Well it won't come true will it? your not supposed to say wishes aloud" 

Achilles hesitates then shakes his head "shut up."

Chapter Text

August 2024

Patroclus stood at the bottom of the narrow path leading to the house, his bag hanging heavy on his shoulder. The porch light glowed a pale honey color, soft against the deep violet of the evening. Behind him, the car engine idled while cicadas whispered in the hedges.

Peleus stepped forward first, the silhouette of his broad shoulders outlined by the headlights. Chiron followed, slower but steady, a hand resting on the car door as if to keep himself anchored.

“You’ll be all right,” Chiron said. His voice had the low rasp of late summer gravel. “They’re good people.”

Patroclus nodded, though his throat felt tight. He hugged Peleus first—the man smelled of sea salt and cedar oil—and then Chiron, whose arms were all angles but warm nonetheless. He had a slight twinge of remorse once he had finished hugging both of them, a sudden pang of guilt- was this the right thing to do?

“You call if you need anything,” Peleus murmured . “Anything at all.”

“I will,” Patroclus said, though the word felt like a stone in his mouth. He looked away, trying to hide his face.

The door opened before he could knock. A woman with gentle lines around her eyes and a soft sweater stood there, smiling. “Patroclus? Come in, sweetheart.”

The nickname struck him as odd, a far too rushed familiarity yet he proceeded into the house nonetheless.

The living room smelled of cinnamon and laundry detergent. His new foster parents introduced themselves as Mara and Nix. On the couch sat their daughter, a thirteen-year-old with sharp bangs. She looked up briefly, offered a small wave, then turned back into her parents.

They asked about the drive, about school, about whether he preferred tea or hot chocolate. They were kind—undeniably kind—but each question felt like a reminder of how temporary he was. The room was filled with framed photos: vacations at the shore, birthdays, a family dog mid-leap. None of them were his.

Later, alone in the guest room with its neat quilt and faint scent of lavender, he tried to text Achilles. Made it. House is nice.

The message went unanswered for nearly an hour. When it finally buzzed back—Glad you’re safe—it was so brief it felt like an echo. He placed the phone face-down and stared at the ceiling until sleep pressed him under, the taste of regret like metal on his tongue.

Weeks slid by, measured in careful dinners and polite small talk. Mara showed him how to use the old washing machine. Nix helped set up a desk in the corner of his room. They meant well. But something inside Patroclus felt slightly off-kilter, as if he were a guest in his own life.

When Achilles finally invited him to a rooftop party near the coast, he leapt at the chance. He’d missed him—missed the easy shorthand of their friendship, the spark of recognition that made the rest of the world blur.

The night air was warm and smelled faintly of salt. Music thudded through the open windows below, lights pulsing across the roof in uneven waves. Achilles leaned against the railing, phone in hand, blond hair catching every flicker of neon.

Patroclus moved closer, heart quickening, but words knotted in his throat. He watched Achilles grin at the glowing screen, thumbs dancing.

“Who’s that?” he asked finally.

Achilles looked up as if startled. “Uh… what?”

“I was just wondering who you’re texting.”

A shrug. “Oh, you know. Just a friend.”

“A friend?” The word tasted sour.

Achilles half-laughed, half-scoffed. “What?”

“I thought things hadn’t changed between us,” Patroclus said carefully.

“They haven’t. Not for me.”

Patroclus bit his lip. “They have. We’ve barely talked since your birthday.”

“We call all the time.”

“Yes, but how often do we actually talk? I don’t even know who your friends are now.”

Achilles’ jaw tightened. “How much do I have to prove myself to you? I wrote music about you, and you’re acting like I’m cheating.”

“You might as well be.”

The words hung sharp in the night air.

Achilles exhaled hard. “Can you not? I want this to be a nice night.”

“Do you?”

“Yes.”

“Name one thing we’ve spoken about tonight without other people there. Go.”

The music below muffled into a low, aching beat. Achilles said nothing.

Patroclus’ voice sharpened. “You feel fine. This is fine?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?”

Achilles snapped, “Why is it always you complicating things? Why can’t you just… enjoy this? We’re great together. Don’t be like that.” He reached for Patroclus’ hand.

Patroclus pulled back. “Not everyone wants to be fun and easy, Achilles. If that’s what you want, do what you want.”

He turned and walked toward the stairwell, the press of music and bodies swallowing him whole. Achilles didn’t follow.

Later that night, the memory of the rooftop burned like a fever. The drive back to his foster home was silent except for the hum of the tires and the hiss of distant waves. When he slipped into the quiet house, Mara had left a lamp on in the hallway. It cast a thin, forgiving light across the carpet, but it didn’t reach the hollow ache settling in his chest.

In the darkness of his room, Patroclus lay awake, phone silent on the nightstand, the distance between them suddenly an ocean.

October 2024

The living room was a blur of warm light and laughter. Streamers drooped from the ceiling, a mix of pink and gold, slightly crooked, but charming. Patroclus had to admit, it looked nice. Cake sat on the coffee table—chocolate, with thick frosting he knew he’d regret later—and presents were stacked neatly in the corner, some wrapped with care, some hastily shoved into paper bags.

His very own 17th birthday party.

He didn’t know most of the people here. Friends of friends, classmates he barely remembered, neighbors, even some of Achilles’ acquaintances he had never met before. It should have been intimidating, but the moment he spotted Achilles leaning casually against the doorway, the world shrank to that one familiar figure. The same golden hair catching the light, the same half-smile that always felt like a secret meant just for him.

Patroclus’ chest warmed at the sight. For a moment, he let himself believe this night could be simple, could be about him, about celebrating seventeen years of a life he sometimes still felt unsure of. He moved through the crowd, head high, even introducing himself to a few strangers, all the while sneaking glances at Achilles. Every time their eyes met, Patroclus felt that flutter—the one that had been absent for weeks. Even if he couldn’t name most of these faces, even if the room felt alien, Achilles’ presence made it feel like home.

He’d thought, fleetingly, that maybe this night was Achilles making it up to him. Maybe the subtle distance, the lack of conversation, the missed calls—they were nothing compared to this effort. Achilles was here, and it was enough. He wanted to cling to that thought, to let the brief warmth fill the emptiness he had carried through the past weeks.

He spent the fisrt part of the party kissing Achilles in a bathroom, whispered promises to come back to this later, then at least an hour with friends and acquaintances getting wasted.

But he couldn’t find Achilles for long.  So, obviously he set out to do that. Every time he searched, he’d see him disappear into another room, vanish behind the crowd, or get caught up with someone else. That flutter in his chest turned into an uneasy twist.

Eventually, Patroclus wandered out the back door, craving a moment of calm. The alley behind the house was quiet, scented with cut grass and the faint wetness of evening dew. His heartbeat slowed, or at least he hoped it had. The night air was comforting, carrying the distant murmur of music and laughter, like a lullaby he couldn’t quite reach.

And then he saw him.

At first, Patroclus thought he was mistaken. Achilles leaned against the brick wall, closer than one friend should ever be to another. The other person’s hand rested on Achilles’ shoulder, moving with a familiarity Patroclus didn’t recognize but immediately understood. And then, the kiss.

The laughter, the music, the clinking of glasses—all of it fell away into a low, muffled hum. His stomach dropped, a lead weight pressing him down. He’d imagined this night being perfect, imagined walking back with Achilles and laughing about small things, imagined the apology, the reassurance. But reality hit harder than he could have expected.

He wanted to yell out- mind flashing back to Halloween last year, about what had happened to Achilles but as he watched he noticed that it was Achilles leading. Was his hands wandering. Him making all the nosie.

Patroclus stepped back into the shadow, careful not to be seen. Their eyes met for a brief, unbearable instant—Achilles’ green gaze catching his amber, a flicker of guilt flashing, just enough to confirm what he feared.

Patroclus didn’t speak. He didn’t move. He couldn’t. Every thought, every word he had rehearsed since the rooftop weeks ago, had evaporated. The joy he’d felt at seeing Achilles again, the hope that perhaps he was making this birthday special just for him, felt like ashes in his mouth.

He turned away silently, each step heavy, leaving the warmth of the party and the betrayal behind. Achilles called after him, voice cracking, but Patroclus didn’t respond. The alley swallowed him, the muffled music chasing him like a ghost, and he realized in that moment: some cracks, once formed, could never be filled with apologies alone.

The night that had begun with quiet hope ended in a shadow of doubt. His seventeenth birthday, meant to celebrate life, had instead marked the first fracture in something he wasn’t sure could be mended.

Chapter Text

And so that is the end of Covet!! :(

I have been writing this for so long and it's crazy to me that I've finally finished my first fanfic ever (especially since its 100k words now 😭😭😭)

I really just wanted to talk about the fic a bit, where its going now, the process and so on! 

WHAT NEXT?

So Covet is the first fan fiction in my eventually (hopefully) three part series, All Night. I Plan to start the second fan fiction between today and  next tuesday, Its going to be called Everybody here wants you, so check back in soon for the next part of the series! if you were wondering what the premise is for everybody here wants you, ive put down a rough verison here.

-Achilles is a big, famous singer and model. Patroclus has just started uni, and they’re officially broken up after the events of Covet. Despite the breakup, their lives keep intersecting because of fame, mutual friends, or circumstances, and their chemistry hasn’t disappeared.

Think angst, drama, reconciliation, sex and love- basically the grown up more extreme version of covet in a way.

im planning to make it somewhere between 50k-150k words depending on how planning goes but i promise its going to be interesting! and the writing will probably be a better then when i started covet lol.

If you have anything you want to see in particular in the next book please let me know so i can try work it in if possible! 

PROCESS

chapter lengths will be pretty much the same as covet i think and the writing style will be roughly the same (my writing feels like its constantly changing to me so, who know)

im going to try post weekly if possible but will give a heads up if i cant. 

AND FINALLY THANK YOU 

im so incredibly grateful for all the love you've all shown me while writing this. The appreciation and comments I get from readers really do motivate me! I love knowing all your thoughts so a big massive thank you to all my supporters. (An extra big fat shout out to Supernovaspace3 (probably one of my first supporters on this fic i honestly cant remember now)) 

I would shout out everyone if i could but id be going back atleast 10 pages in my inbox haha, either way thank you so so so much for everything! I really hope you enjoyed Covet and hopefully will enjoy EHWY!

I have some other fics im working on if you want to read something in the meantime! personally i would recommend chrysos and ashes (the only one im currently working on apart from all night series)

Anyway, again, thank you :( im so glad i got to share this with you all <3.

If you ever want to reach out to me my tumblr is cowsonabus, feel free to message me, i always love hearing peoples thoughts. Again, thank you1!!!!