Archive of Our Own ^beta

Dying, as it turned out, was something that you should have seen coming. Your line of work was dangerous. You took the more dangerous missions and cases to help shield those under your command. You really, really should have seen your own death coming.

You had taken four grazing arrows to the back, all of them just grazing the top layer. Causing bleeding, but no major damage. The one that actually struck you was a giant crossbow bolt. It shattered your rib and pulled your entrails out with it.

Evidence now shows that these Treasure hoarders had gotten something stronger to help them. It was almost funny. The blood loss sure wasn’t helping on either end. But they had upped the ante.

Oh hey. Look. Part of your small intestines. In the mouth of a Tiger.

The skin over your stomach has been shredded. It is hard to tell the difference between what has and hasn’t been moved. What hurt and what didn’t. You spun with the pain as laid there paralyzed from the bolt?

The blood and viscera of course had drawn them while you listened to the singing of the forest. The songs come from little round, green creatures with leaves like hats and spinning mechanisms. They helped scare off the tiger that had its head in your- oh- now opened stomach.

It is hard to tell if the air or the spilled stomach acid hurts worse. They kind of felt the same at this point. Everything below your diaphragm was just kind of a blaze of pain.

It had been a long time since you thought about Aranara. As a concept you had never denied them. Unseen helpers of the archon, in the forest? That made more sense than you would ever say otherwise. She was always in the loop about everything.

The singing gets quieter, twigs snapping, your head falling towards the sound.

A figure of white with little splotches of green.

“Oh, My General...” you knew that voice. Who? Who ... did it? Belong to? “Oh, Cyno...” Why were they sad?

The figure kept getting closer. They kept coming more and more into focus. Short legs and gold bangles. The smell of vegetation only got stronger as she approached.

She kneels down next to you. “Can you still hear me? Are you still... here?” 

You dutifully nod. As you inhale to speak, you see her cringe. Oh yeah. You were bleeding out. “Who are you?”

“Please, call me Nahida. I am... someone you once worked very hard to save.” She looks over your form again, and you do too.

It turns out the Tiger had dragged out most of your intestines outside of your body. They almost look pretty like that... Like the edges of a beautiful flower.

“I don’t think I can help any... except to dull all your pain receptors. There is too much physical damage for me to try healing you, and many of the membranes have been lost to the work of sharp teeth.”

Little tears pitter-pat into the grass beside you. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here sooner, my General. I’m sorry you had to meet such an unsatisfactory end.” her voice keeps getting more and more wobbly. “You deserve something with more honor than bleeding out like this.”

The little girl doesn’t stop crying as you let yourself drift off into the comfortable limbo where it doesn’t hurt. She is still talking. It is hard to tell if it is at you, about you, for you, or for herself. It almost sounds like a prayer. Somewhere- the back of your brain probably- finds that funny. A god praying for one- single- person.

A sudden movement behind her catches you attention. A blob of black that looks suspiciously like an almond. As it gets marginally closer, you cannot help the tears that pop up. 

You know the shape of those ears. It breaks your heart in a way different from the melting feel in your chest cavity. It felt like someone had just broken glass between your lungs.

Your voice is gravely at best, and sounds like your stomach acid has made it into your trachea at worst. “Tie... nari.”

Nahida whips her head around, and then she gets smaller. 

Oh she walked away. To bury her face into his stomach. Her words are garbled.

“Sorry. Nari.” your breathing was suddenly wheezing. “Bolt through ribs. Then tiger. Acid through. Lungs. Now you two. Sorry. Love...” your diaphragm was quickly losing strength as well, it was hard to hold air in lungs with holes straight to the outside. “You. collei. Hay” you try to cough, but all that happens is the flexing of your diaphragm. You are stuck mouthing the rest. ‘haitham. Kaveh.’

It seems to do more harm than good as Nahida starts crying harder.

‘Our perfect archon- Lord Kusenali.’

Nari’s tears fall onto your cheek, and then you realize you can still feel that. You turn your head and smile up to him.

‘I love you so much. It hurts. So much. Even with everything this Nahida has done. Tell Kaveh his first bottle is on me tonight. Give him a third of the funds. Tell Alhaitham he hasn’t won our chess match yet. And tell Collei I love her more than she could ever know- that I am watching over her and protecting her. But only when the wounds have healed. When mentioning my name doesn’t hurt like a knife. When you forget how badly this hurt, when it is bittersweet.’

Nahida is the one to speak up first. “He is saying how much he loves you. How much he loves collei, that Kaveh should get a third of his funds. Alhaitham hasn’t won their chess match. Yet . To tell Collei he is watching over her and protecting her- but only once the hurt from this has subsided. His exact words are: but only when the wounds have healed. When mentioning my name doesn’t hurt like a knife. When you forget how badly this hurt, when it is bittersweet. ”

Tighnari finally speaks up. “Oh, Cyno... How it hurts both of us. Acid in your lungs and your guts hauntingly spread around your corpse.” His normally collected voice is wavering so strong you fear he might fall over and you want nothing more than to hold him up. “You are only prolonging your suffering by refusing to go, my heart. I don’t want to see you in pai. It hurts me to see you so hurt. And it only hurts worse to know I cannot help except to try and send you off to sleep.”

You nod your head. A nap does sound nice... You close your eyes. Nod again. You trusted him. With everything. He would plan a perfect wake. Kaveh would design a beautiful headstone- probably carve it himself. Alhaitham will have written out a beautiful eulogy. You are loved as much as you love in turn.

You smelled, and tasted, herbs. You couldn’t pinpoint anything, but your head swam as you pulled away. It was strong. Irritatingly strong. Your eyes snap back open and you gag. try to get the taste out of your mouth. It is too much.

Nahida sniffles before you can hear her wipe her nose. “The smell is too strong. It also hurts him.” She sounds broken. A shame. Nahida starts narrating your thoughts again. “Girls her age should be playing under the sun and enjoying life. Not watching someone who has been playing a game of cat and mouse with death for years bleed out on the banks of a river deep in the forest.”

Tighnari is the next to speak up. “I know it would be kinder to bash in his head, but Buer... I do not have the strength. Not physically. Not emotionally.”

You let your eyes slip shut again. His voice is very calming. A story would be lovely right now.

“Do you?” Nahida loudly sniffles and swallows. “Do you have the strength to tell a story to him as he drifts off?”

“Does he have any preference?”

Nahida resumes narrating your thoughts. “As long as it’s your voice. As long as it is with you I can spend my last moments. Something that won’t upset poor Nahida. This is scary enough for her. Make sure she gets treatment for this.”

The pair seems to crack all over again. A new wave of sniffles and pat-pat-pats softly against the ground.

“When I was young. My favorite book was an old encyclopedia. My father knew I would be causing trouble once I finished it. Thus, he stole the last 10 pages of entries, but left the codex intact. It is still my favorite book, it is still missing the last ten pages. I have no idea what the Zapolyarny Palace means to the people of Snezhnaya. And following in my father’s wishes...”

Your hearing was finally going. Tighnari sounded like he was miles away. He asked you not to stay and suffer, so you accept yourself into the limbo of existing without a sense left. Your eyes closed, your ears no longer hearing. You slip away.

It was a soft thing, slipping from your flesh. Your body seemed to sag. You were glad you had your eyes closed. You felt peaceful. It would have been better if you hadn’t been found alive like this, or if the bolt hadn’t grazed your spine wrong and made it impossible to move your legs.

You could finally see every Aranara in the clearing. There were at least 20. They had all stopped singing between when they found you and now, it was hard to pinpoint when. 

Nahida- THE ARCHON OF WISDOM HERSELF - had come. That was who she was. No wonder she had been so distraught. No wonder she felt so familiar. How could you have forgotten her? The blood loss was easy to blame-- but you remembered Tighnari before his silhouette was fully visible. You knew Alhaitham and Kaveh. Why not her?

You move- and actually move- and kiss Tighnari’s left ear. He twitches in response and stops his story, new tears falling down his face. You kiss each and every one. He shouldn’t hurt like this.

You can’t see Nahida’s face from here, but you can feel how she feels. It is palpable next to her. The grief of losing someone for the first time. You wish you could have shielded her from it more. You press a gentle kiss to her temple and sigh.

You are in good hands, you kept good friends. They will hold onto the grief of losing you, unfortunately, but you will continue to love them all. You will be for a while-- You can wait for all of them. You now have all the time in the world to help watch over them.